Fifty Shades Trilogy 1. Aftermath

**Disclaimer - All rights belong to E L James**

(Any paragraphs in _italics_ are a memory)

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I sit on my couch and wrap my arms around my legs which I have pulled up to my chest, I try to shrink and disappear into a cocoon where I can no longer feel hurt or pain because I have lost so much in the past few years that I worry I may fade into nothingness if I lose anything else. I glare down at my stomach when it rumbles loudly before I hiss when I get hunger pains a few moments later, I haven't eaten anything except microwave meals and potato chips for a week.

I know that I have to eat a proper meal soon but the thought of standing up and focusing on cooking a real meal is already making me feel exhausted, I reluctantly push myself up onto my bare feet before I glance down at my clothes which aren't exactly clean but at least they are comfortable. I had spent the last three days in my pyjamas and finally decided to change into a pale blue t-shirt and grey sweats today although I wish I hadn't because I feel like going back to bed and simply burying myself under the blankets.

My attention is once again pulled to the important task of eating and I walk over to pick up my phone before ordering a simple takeaway pizza, it's not the most exciting meal but I don't think i'm up to the task of cooking a meal or that my stomach would be able to handle much without throwing up. I pick up my laptop and a blanket as I walk back to the couch before I wrap the dark blue blanket around my thin shoulders and place the laptop on my lap, it, like everything else in my life, isn't top of the range but it does what I need it to.

I press the power button and wrap the blanket tighter around me as I listen to it start up, I tell myself that I am going on because I want to look at memories of a happier time when I was at art school or to log on and try to make contact with some of my old friends but I know exactly what will happen when I connect to the internet, I will try to ignore the pull to just flick to Google but my fingers will do it before I have realised it and Master's face will flick up onto my screen.

I instantly melt whenever I see his beautiful gaze although I know that he probably has a new submissive now, I wish that I could turn back time and try to discover the reason that Master no longer wanted me to be his submissive although I worry that it might have been because I asked for _more_.

_I stretched out my arms above my head and smiled at the relief that I felt in my stiff muscles. I was glad that Master insisted that I trained during the week otherwise I don't think that I would have been able to move after a weekend with Master. I glanced at the clock and smiled before I pulled myself out of bed and slipped downstairs in my nightdress, I noticed Master's iPod sitting on the island in the kitchen and giggled when I thought about the songs that I had added to it while he was showering the night before._

_I walked over to the kitchen and began to make pancakes, I was almost finished when I heard Master's footsteps on the staircase "Good morning, Sir" I greeted smiling as I slid the pancakes onto a plate before I placed them in front of him._

"_Good morning" Master replied quickly before I spotted a small smile as he looked down at his breakfast "Pancakes?" _

_I nodded and blushed as I slid some pancakes onto my own plate and sat down next to Master who was inspecting his food, I had never made him pancakes before but I thought that it would be a nice change. I thought about the question that I longed to ask him but quickly lost my courage and distracted myself by cutting up my pancakes but Master spotted that something was wrong._

"_Leila, is there anything that you need to talk about?" Master questioned curiously after a mouthful of pancakes. _

"_I j-just wanted t-to ask you a q-question, Sir" I replied shakily, I knew that Master was going to get suspicious when I started stuttering because I hardly ever stuttered in front of him unless I was asking to bend the rules of the contract and I thought he would refuse._

"_Well?" Master prompted quickly when I didn't elaborate and simply continued to push my breakfast around my plate "I have a busy morning ahead, explain. Now" Master added hastily and I easily noticed the impatience in his voice._

"_I just...wanted to speak about...the..um...end of our contract" I explained lamely and winced when I noticed the angry spark in Master's eyes which I knew only too well._

"_Yes?"_

"_Would w-we...um...be able to c-continue and h-have, more?" I asked quietly and took a bite of pancakes although I hardly managed to swallow even a small amount of it, I didn't want to annoy Master further though and didn't want to take a chance with not eating._

"_More?" Master repeated although he spat out the word as if it was dirty, he ran his hand through his hair and I knew that the conversation wasn't going to turn out well "Are you unhappy with our current arrangement, Miss Williams?" Master questioned in an angry tone, I dropped my gaze to my plate when I heard him use my full name because I knew that I had really upset him._

_"No S-Sir, of c-course not, I-" I stopped suddenly when Master pointed to my plate and I reluctantly forced down another bite._

"_I don't have time to waste on this idea that you have gotten into your head, we shall discuss this when you come back next weekend" Master interjected with an air of finality and I knew better than to argue "You are to leave after breakfast and fully consider if you wish to continue this contract, until then you are to remain silent and only contact me in an emergency" Master ordered sternly, I instantly wanted to cry because ending the contract was the last thing that I wanted to do but I stayed silent as I was ordered to._

I pull myself out of my thoughts when I feel a tear trickle down my cheek and hastily wipe it away "Pull yourself together" I mutter to myself as I squirm backwards and rest my back against the back of the couch, I quickly type in my password to unlock the laptop before I look up when I hear someone knock on my door.

I mentally scold myself when I find my mind thinking that Master might have changed his mind and came back for me "Pizza!" The voice shouts from the other side of the door and my entire body slumps before I drag my feet over to my handbag and pull out my purse.

"Hi there" Alex says smiling as he readjusts his cap "You order the... medium cheese?" He asks a moment later and pauses as he reads the order ticket.

"Yep, that's me" I answer unenthusiastically although I try to manage a small smile, I look up and meet his gaze as I pull out my money and find myself lost in his eyes for a few seconds before I regain my composure. He has the most deep blue eyes that I have ever seen and I am afraid to look over the rest of his body because I know that I can't allow myself to like or trust anyone again, I cough and hand over the money before I take the pizza and put it down a side table next to my door.

"Thanks, i'll just get your change" Alex says as he reaches into his pocket and picks out a few coins "There you go, enjoy your pizza" Alex adds with a smile as he hands over my change before grabbing his pizza bag and walking away.

I close the door and lean my back against it as I let out a deep breath before I silently chastise myself and grab my pizza before walking back over to my couch, I quickly drop onto it and open up the box before pulling out a slice of pizza and biting into it while I use my free hand to navigate around my laptop which has finally decided to boot up.

I don't even try to fight the urge and allow my hand to click on the internet before jumping to Google and typing 'Christian Grey' into the search box. I take another bite of pizza before I feel my entire body relax when I see his face looking up at me from the screen, I know that it would be easier to download the pictures to my laptop and maybe print them out to look at them without having to go onto the internet so much but that would be crazy and make me seem like a stalker, this way I can at least make an excuse for doing this although I cannot think of a suitable reason right now.


	2. A Plan Begins

Thank you to everyone that reviewed, followed, favorited or even just gave the story a chance. It always makes me smile when I see feedback for a story and it encouraged me to get this chapter out quicker than I had planned :D

(Any paragraphs in _italics_ are a memory)

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I spend at least fifteen minutes looking through pictures of Master while I alternate with eating bites of pizza, I always remember how upset that Master used to be when I forgot to eat and even though he wouldn't know if I did or didn't eat now, I always eat when I look through his pictures on the internet otherwise I probably wouldn't eat at all. I continue to look through the different pictures of Master at different events before my breath catches when I see a picture of him with a young woman, a brunette with blue eyes, I shakily click the picture and enlarge it before I frown when I see that his arm around her and that he is smiling.

I stare at the picture in silence as my eyes sweep over every detail of Master's expression and stance before my eyes slowly move over to the girl, I pause for a second before opening my pictures folder and pulling up a photograph of me at art school with a few friends, I make it slightly smaller and put it beside the picture of her and Master "She looks like me" I whisper quietly as I compare our features, we are hardly twins but we have similar features especially our brown hair although I am not surprised because Master likes all of his submissives to be brunettes. However I don't think that she is a submissive because Master had never taken a photograph with his submissives including me, it was a clause of the NDA that submissives were never allowed to take a photograph with him. I did a few extra things that submissives didn't usually do to their Masters like adding songs to his iPod or hiding 'surprises' around the house but I never got to take a photograph with him.

"_Master?" I whispered quietly as I placed a plate full of food in front of him before putting mine down next to him._

"_Yes?" Master questioned impatiently. I knew that I was not supposed to bring up conversation especially during dinner because it was disrespectful and Master liked me to concentrate on my food but it had taken me days to summon up the courage to ask and I feared that if I didn't ask now then I never would. I always tended to bring up things while he eating because he always seemed to be slightly calmer when he saw that I was clearing my plate without any prompting which happened a few times when I first became his sub._

"_I...I was just hoping that...um" I faltered and stumbled over my words as I tried to think about the best way to phrase my question._

"_Leila" Master said in a sharp tone which caused my head to snap up at him although I made sure to advert my gaze to avoid meeting his eyes "Concentrate on your food" Master ordered a moment later as he pointed to my plate, I quickly picked up my cutlery and took a bite before I took a deep breath and decided to try again._

"_I wanted to ask if...maybe" I pause and squirm before I notice the annoyed expression on Master's face and decided to ask quickly before I lost my nerve completely "Maybe, I could take a picture of us together" I said quickly, I knew that some of my words had ran together but I was just so glad that I managed to get it out although I regretted it a few moments later when Master put his cutlery down and turned to me._

"_Did you or didn't you sign an NDA when you signed the contract to become my sub?" Master questioned sternly and I didn't have to look up to know that his eyes were a stormy grey._

"_Yes Sir, but-"I started to answer but was quickly cut off by Master, I knew that photographs were prohibited and that it was a clause in the NDA but I hoped that it would be okay because it was only one little picture for my cell phone._

"_Unless you wish to end our arrangement early and have Taylor take you home then there is nothing else to discuss" Master said quickly and turned back to his food. I felt my insides freeze when I heard him speak about ending our contract so casually and quickly shook my head._

"_N-no Master" I say quickly "I a-apologize, please d-don't make me leave" I plead quietly, I remembered the clause in the contract where he could send me away if he chose and I just hoped that he didn't because I couldn't deal with the upset if he did._

"_Playroom after dinner" Master said simply after a few moments of worried silence._

"_Yes Sir" I answer quietly and try to ignore the surge of excitement that floods through me when I think about our last time in the playroom although I knew that it was for punishment this time._

I'm quickly pulled out my memories when I feel the pizza box slipping off my knee to the floor, I manage to stop it all falling although two pieces flop to the floor and lie there pathetically. I almost find myself envying them until I realise that I have found the perfect way to show Master that I can be everything he needs, I just need to find out what she has that I don't. I suddenly stop my rapid thoughts and put my head in my hands, do I really want to do this? Can I really handle the rejection if Master pushes me away?

I lost everything in last two relationships that I was in, the love and excitement from the first one and my lover from the second. I think that it is something to do with me, that I manage to ruin relationships although i'm just trying to make them better which means that I _need_ to be with Master because he is the only person who I can be with that is able to counter my 'relationship curse'. I never have to worry about anything with Master because he takes care of everything and I simply have to do as he says and once I find out the secret of the girl who looks like me then I can have the 'more' with Master that I always dreamed of.

I look back at the laptop before I snap the screen shut and make a plan in my mind to replace the-girl-who-looks-like-me in Master's life, One : I have to clean myself up to show Master that I still take care of myself and follow his rules although that hasn't exactly been true for the last few months. Two: Find out everything about the-girl-who-looks-like-me. Three: Find Master and prove to him that I can be everything that she is and much more.

I silently commend myself with my plan and begin on the first stage, I quickly turn on the shower before I undress and step inside. I lean my head back and smile as I feel the warm water wash over me before I pick up the nearby sponge and cover it in shower gel, I quickly wash myself all over with the soft smelling bubbles before I lean my head back and begin to wash my greasy hair which I hate.

My hair always gets greasy within a few days if I don't wash it, Master always hated when my hair was greasy and would even wash it for me if I had been really good over the weekend. I always loved when Master would wash my hair and look after me because no matter what our contract stated, I knew that he cared about me more than just the contract. I just had to help him to see it and my plan will help me to accomplish that task.

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nicola - Thanks for idea, i'll definitely think about it :D

jcp77 - Yeah, i'm pretty much planning to follow the events of the three books that involve Leila but also add in the missing parts in-between and give Leila's thoughts and reactions with everything that happened. I've tried to get into Leila's mind and imagine how she would react and tried explain how her mind works (In my opinion of her character anyway) :)

lisalilac/Caribbeansbride - Glad you like it :)

Guest - Hmm...I thought that Leila was only in the apartment twice, once when she saw Ana sleeping and the other when she confronted Gail? Please remind me if i've missed any other times because I will work it into the story :)


	3. One Step Closer

I know that Susannah was away on vacation while Leila did everything in the book but i'm changing it slightly because it was easier to write :).

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I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a fluffy towel before I pick up a smaller towel and do the same with my hair, I had forgotten that it felt so good to stand under the warm water and let your stress and troubles just wash away. I quickly make my way back downstairs before I pick up my cell phone and flick through my contacts until I find Susi, she stays closer to Master and it'll be nice to catch up with her and have a bit of emotional support too although I can't tell her about my plans because the last thing I want to do is to drag her into this.

"Lulu!" Susi squeals excitedly once she answers after the third ring.

"Hey, Susi" I reply smiling, I am excited about my plan but I can't bring myself to match her enthusiasm which hardly ever seems to waver.

"Are you alright?" Susi questions a moment later and I can easily hear the worried change in her tone.

"Yeah, i'm fine" I answer softly "I was just wondering if I could come and stay with you for a few weeks, it's really been really lonely here since... you know" I explain quietly, I feel bad for lying to her but it's not entirely a lie and it will be nice to catch up with her.

"Oh, I'd love to have you come and stay Lee" Susi answers quickly and I can almost feel her hug me through the phone "But, it wouldn't have anything to do with me living near Mr Grey, would it?" Susi adds tentatively and I mentally curse her for knowing me so well.

"A little" I admit after a moment of silence "But I just want to talk to him and thank him for paying for art school" I explain quickly, I know that if I tried to say that Master wasn't in my plans at all then she would never believe me and would watch me constantly.

"Do you really have to see him to say it?" Susi questions gently.

"Have you tried to get through to his cell phone?" I ask giggling "You either go straight through to one of his assistants or Taylor"

"Yeah, you've got a point there" Susi agrees and I can hear her start giggling too "Just be careful, I don't want to see you get hurt" Susi adds in a more serious tone and I smile at her concern, she's one the few people that I can be completely truthful with about my relationship with Master because she did exactly the same thing. I didn't even try to explain it to anyone at art school because they would never understand and think that I was just weird.

"I know, Susi" I reply with a genuine smile "You're a great friend"

"Hey, us members of the sub club have gotta stick together" Susi says and starts me off giggling again "So, when are you coming over?"

"Um...well, I was thinking tomorrow, if that's okay" I answer hopefully, I can get a airplane to Susi's and I have some spare money stored in my bedroom because I know that the flight will be a bit more expensive when i'm only booking a day early.

"Sure, i'll make up the spare room tonight" Susi replies enthusiastically "I can't wait to see you, Leila"

"Same here and thank you" I reply smiling and push my wet hair behind my ear.

"Anytime, see you soon"

"See you" I reply with a smile before I pull the phone away from my ear and press the end call button. My plan is officially into action and although I have a small nagging feeling at the back of my head which is telling me that this is a bad idea, I ignore it though because I know that Master will make everything better and that my life will finally be pulled out of the darkness.

"Cell phone, suitcase, handbag, tickets" I mutter to myself as I quickly double-check that I have everything I need before I head for the airport. I turn and look at my apartment one last time because if my plan works properly then i'll never have to come back here, I have nothing against my apartment but I would prefer to be living with Master although I would be happy to live anywhere with Master, as long as it had a playroom.

I walk out of my apartment with my suitcase dragging behind me, I quickly lock my door and slip my keys into my handbag before I make my way downstairs. I arrive at the airport about twenty minutes later and immediately head to a fast food restaurant before I order a simple chicken burger meal and a coke, I somehow manage to balance a tray with one hand while holding my handbag and pulling my suitcase with the other.

I carefully put the tray down onto the shaky table before I drop onto the cold metal chair and begin to eat. I finish fifteen minutes later and wipe my hands with a napkin before I look inside my handbag and pull out a small notebook and a red pen, I smile as I look down at the pen because I can see 'Christian Grey, CEO' clearly engraved on it in gold lettering.

I flick through the notebook until I find the page that I was writing notes on yesterday about the-girl-who-looks-like-me, I look down at the page as I take a sip of my coke.

Name – Anastasia Steele

Looks – Brown hair, blue eyes and slim (Like me and the rest of the sub club, except for eye colour)

- Works at SIP

- May or may not be a submissive (Why is she special? How does she make Master smile in a way that the rest of us couldn't?)

It's not a lot of information but i'm sure that I will be able to find out more when I am closer to her and Master, I draw a circle around 'SIP' because I need to find the address and see if I can get a meeting with her. I'm not entirely sure what I want to say to her yet or what reason i'm going to make up for wanting a meeting but i'll think of something, I look up and my eyes widen when I notice the time because an hour seems to have vanished completely, I slide my notebook and pen back into my waiting handbag before I grab my small suitcase and run towards the terminal.

"Lulu!" I jump when I hear a female voice excitedly squeal my name and begin to panic before I feel myself pulled into the familiar arms of Susannah.

"Hi" I say with a small smile before I cough when Susi's hug knocks the wind out of me slightly, she, like Master, seems to notice everything however and pulls away before studying me at arm's length.

"You've lost weight and you look terrible" Susi comments in concern as her eyes sweep over my thin body.

"Gee thanks, it's lovely to see you too" I reply jokingly as I try to divert the conversation which works momentarily although Susi is not a person who is easily distracted.

"You know what I mean" Susi replies smiling as she rolls her eyes playfully before she takes my suitcase and begins to walk towards the nearest coffee shop "C'mon, we need to catch up" Susi adds firmly and I reluctantly walk into the coffee shop beside her, I know that it's a bad idea because she's going to want explanations and details which I really don't want to give.

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Thank you for all your feedback and help with the amount of times that Leila had been in the apartment, I didn't have the third book to hand when I was writing and you all really helped me out :D.

Nicola – Hmm... Interesting, definitely something to think about although i'm focusing on this story for now :)

all8row – Glad you like it :)

Guest – Thanks for letting me know, i've already started to work it into the story :)

dcoliver123123- I'm glad you like my take on Leila and i've already got a few scenes between Christian and Ana although I have a few chapters planned before I get to posting them :)

sheltiegirl – I'm so happy that you're enjoying it :)

lisalilac – Thanks, glad that you like it :)


	4. Explanations

A bit of a slow chapter but I really wanted to have this conversation between Susi and Leila.

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"So, that's everything really" I finish as I swirl my spoon around in the small amount of cold coffee left in my cup. I have explained every detail of my life for the past six months or so, including the more painful memories of leaving my husband, my lover's death and my decision to leave art school. I know that it might seem strange to put those three things together but my decision to leave art school wasn't an easy one, it was the one place where I didn't have to worry about anything else and could simply focus on my art.

"Aww, Lulu" Susi replies with a guilty and sympathetic expression "I wish that you would have talked to me about this earlier, I feel terrible" Susi adds quietly and I notice the tears gathering in her eyes.

"I know" I say sighing as I push my hair out of my eyes "I guess I was just trying to come to terms with everything myself before trying to explain it to anyone else"

"I can't even imagine the upset that you must have felt" Susi comments upset and I feel the familiar darkness and icy grip on my body threaten to pull my into the welcoming darkness once again "Have you ever spoke to a doctor about it? You know, they might be able to _help_" Susi questions gently which causes me to look up at her, I frown at the way that chose to say 'help' because I know that she means anti-depressants. I have had this conversation with other people but I know there is only one person who can save me although I can't explain that anyone.

"I don't need medication, Susannah" I snap annoyed although I slump slightly when I notice her jump and divert her eyes, i'm surprised at myself because I hardly ever shout but i'm more surprised at Susi's reaction although I understand that using her full name might have caused it because it was a way Master always used to let us know that he was upset or angry "Sorry" I whisper and blush slightly before she looks up at me and starts giggling.

"You never get out of the habit, do you?" Susi asks giggling although for one of the first times I can see the longing in her eyes which I have seen stare back at me, whenever i've looked in the mirror lately although I know that she would never try to get it back.

"No" I agree giggling before I distract myself by swirling my coffee remains once again "Do you ever miss it?" I question quietly "The relationship that you had with Ma-" I stop myself suddenly and just hope that Susi didn't catch my slip "Ma- Mr Grey" I correct myself quickly although I know that she heard me.

"Lee?" Susi says in a quiet voice and I reluctantly glance up at her "Did you just refer to Mr Grey as Master?" Susi questions with a slight frown and I know that she's suspicious.

"Maybe?" I answer unsurely hoping that I my brain will come up with a diversion tactic but it's too busy imagining a scene in the playroom with Master.

"Leila" Susi sighs and i'm slowly brought back down to reality "You promised that you only wanted to thank him for art school" Susi adds in a voice which clearly portrays her hurt because she believes that I have lied to her which is unfortunately true but I can't tell her the truth yet.

"That's the truth, Susi" I say quickly and drop my spoon against the side of my cup "What do think i'm going to do? Track him down and ask to become his submissive again?" I question sarcastically which isn't as difficult as I thought it would be because i'm not technically lying. I still plan to track him down but I want to become more of a girlfriend than a sub although I know that part of our relationship wouldn't end.

Susi looks at me critically for a few seconds before her body relaxes and I know that i've managed to fool her "Of course not, Lee" Susi answers rolling her eyes "I just don't want to see you hurt, you've been through enough" Susi adds in a more serious tone which causes a real smile to pull at my lips.

"I don't have any interest in subbing, right now" I explain and try to resist the urge to tap my fingers on the table, it's a nervous thing that I do whenever i'm lying which no doubt Susi has already noticed and is watching out for "I just want to have a break, relax and have a good time here and then hopefully go back to art school"

"Good" Susi relents smiling as she reaches over and squeezes my hand "So, let's plan our first night out" Susi says enthusiastically and I find myself, once again, mirroring her enthusiastic grin although my mind is still firmly thinking about my task to take my rightful place in Master's affections.

I quickly drop my blue pencil and replace it with a lime green one instead before I continue on my sketch that i've been working on for the past few hours. I had hoped that it would distract me from the constant thoughts about Master and the-girl-who-looks-like-me which actually worked quite well except for the fact that my drawing is almost finished and I can already feel my thoughts begin to pull back to my plan. I had thought that being near Master might make me feel better but it's only making me want to start my plan earlier.

"Wow, that's so amazing" Susi comments from over my shoulder, I quickly pull myself back into harsh reality of my situation right now and give her a smile as I hold up my artwork.

"Thanks" I reply quietly as I gently place my drawing down onto the table and begin to place my pencils back into the tin case "I'm going to go out for a walk later, do you want me to bring anything back?" I ask casually as I slot my yellow pencil into the case, I don't actually plan to be back for a few days if I can show Master everything that I can be and show him the reasons that we should be together.

"Do you want me to come with you, Lulu?" Susi offers smiling, I inwardly groan because I knew that she was going to offer and I know that she is going to be hurt when I refuse. I wish that I could really tell her about my plan for tonight, which will hopefully include a trip to the playroom, but then she will do everything to stop me from going.

"Thanks for the offer but I just want to go somewhere quiet and do some sketching" I answer gently, I know that she is less than enthusiastic about sitting in front of a lake or building and sketching for a few hours and I hope that it'll help to relieve the sting. I glance up at her and I can see her eyes studying me as if dissecting my story for any flaws or holes "I'll take my phone and you call me anytime, I just need some time to not think and just let my artistic side flow" I add quickly although I feel like a teenager who is bargaining with her mom to let her go to a party. I giggle at her confused frown with my comment about 'letting my artistic side flow' and silently thank one of my more eccentric friends from art school for that comment.

"Okay, I get the _subtle_ message, Lee" Susi says giggling "Just don't be out all night sketching" Susi teases playfully before I notice her stance become awkward and slightly embarrassed "And, don't go near Mr Grey's apartment building, it won't do any good" Susi adds quietly and I nod with a small smile although her worried thoughts are my exact plan and I won't let anyone ruin it. Susi would never understand that Master and I are meant to be together but she'll see it, she'll see that I can make Master smile, just like the-girl-who-looks-like-me does.

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Thank you everyone for the great reviews, it really makes me smile whenever I see that anyone has took the time to read and review my story :)

all8row - Yeah, Susi definitely knows that there is something wrong with Leila but will she find out what she is up to? :D, i'm glad your enjoying it

sam5973 - Glad you like it :)

Nicola - Leila's confrontation with Gail is coming up soon but it'll be a few chapters until she watches Christian and Ana in the apartment, i'm really happy that you are enjoying it :)

girlofmidnight - Great, thanks for giving the story a chance and i'm really happy that you like it. I'm not great at describing rooms and buildings, so I apologize in advance lol

lisalilac - Glad your enjoying it :D


	5. First Visit

(Any paragraphs in _italics_ are a memory)

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I pull my trench coat tighter around my thin body and wrap my arms around myself as I walk down the path. I rub my arms with my hands although it's more for comfort than warmth, the warm night air feels good on my skin and I can feel myself relax as I make my way towards my destination. I know the area well and don't really need to even think about where I am going because my legs simply lead the way.

I feel my heartbeat quicken as I look up at Escala which seems so familiar but yet so foreign at the same time. My mind quickly catches up with my task and I slip to the side of the building and lean against the wall, I know from experience that there is camera's all over the building and parking lot that Taylor or another member of Master's security staff watch nearly twenty-four hours a day. I refuse to let a few little camera's deter me however and carefully peek my head around the corner before I tug out the hood of my sweater from under my trench-coat and pull it up over my head, I doubt that I will get through reception with the way that I look, not to mention that Master's security code has probably been changed hundreds of times since I was last here.

I wait in silence for over fifteen minutes until an unfamiliar car drives into the entrance of the underground garage, I watch as a slender hand reaches out of the car and punches in the security code before I smirk and quietly repeat the code to myself over and over while I wait for the car to disappear inside. Once i'm sure that the car is out of sight then I scurry over and carefully input the code, I can only imagine what would happen if I input it wrong and breathe a sigh of relief when the gate opens and allows me entry.

I scan the garage for Master's car and frown when I realise that I don't recognize any of them although I just assume that he has acquired new cars, quite like he does with submissives. The thought makes me giggle but I stifle it when I hear it bounce of the walls in a creepy echo and tug the hood further over my head before running towards the service elevator. I don't dare to glance up at the camera to see if they are watching me because I don't want anyone to see my face, I don't think that any new members of Master's security team would recognize me but Taylor certainly would and then everything would be ruined.

I stop suddenly when I hear a voice behind me and slowly turn my head before I see a mother and daughter talking as they walk past the amazing building which is Escala, I watch them for a few seconds almost trying to read their thoughts before I snap my head back around and casually walk over to the service elevator which I luckily have used once before.

"_Shit!" Master exclaimed as he glared down at his blackberry, I had felt that glare and I half expected the phone to burst into flames._

"_Is anything wrong, Master?" I asked in concern as I pulled up the blankets to cover my naked body. We were in the middle of a playroom scene when Master's phone began to ring and interrupted us, I watched Master as he crossed the room and quickly pulled his jeans back on before throwing my 'emergency clothes' at me._

"_Get dressed. Now!" Master ordered quickly and ignored my question completely, I didn't even think to argue however and quickly began to put on my bra and panties before following with a pale green t-shirt, grey sweatshirt and dark blue denims._

"_Explain!" Master barked a moment later and I jumped before I realised that his anger wasn't aimed at me and was directed at his phone instead "You knew that I was busy tonight" Master shouted and ran a hand through his hair, I noticed him tug at the tips of his hair and decided to stay quiet because he was clearly angry and I didn't want to add to it "I don't fucking care, Taylor" Master added a moment later before he turned his angry glare to me and I quickly averted my gaze._

"_You are no longer needed here tonight, Miss Williams" Master stated casually as I climbed off the bed and slipped on my shoes "I will contact you in the morning but I want you to follow Taylor out of the building. Quietly" _

"_Did I do something wrong, Master?" I ask quietly and look up at him shyly "I can make it up to you, i'll-" I stopped suddenly when Master held up his hand and shook his head._

"_No, you didn't do anything wrong" Master answered although I could hear the exasperation in his tone "A unexpected situation has arised and I must deal with it, you will be better if you are not here while I do" Master added impatiently and I knew that I might not have been allowed back that weekend if I didn't leave._

"_Yes, Master" I replied quietly as Taylor appeared behind me and nodded at Master before I reluctantly followed Taylor through the apartment, I frowned in confusion when he didn't lead the way towards the reception as normal and instead walked towards the back of the apartment before stopping in front of a large elevator which I assumed was usually used for large deliveries. I quickly walked into the elevator before I heard an excited cry of 'Christian!' followed by a young girl running up to him and wrapping her arms around him just as the doors closed, I instantly felt a stab of jealously but tried to push it down and blink back the tears that threatened to fill my eyes._

I hastily wipe away the tears that have trickled down my pale cheeks before I shake the memory from the front of my mind and remind myself that I will soon be able to run into Master's arms and have the embrace which no one had ever had...except for the-girl-who-looks-like-me and the girl from my memory. I'm distracted when I hear the sounds of the elevator coming to a stop beside me and listen carefully for any sounds of footsteps or trolley's making their way out into the garage but i'm only met with silence which confuses me because I always thought that elevators only came when they were called.

I grin as I suddenly realize that Escala clearly approves of my plan and wants me to get back with Master. I know that it might sound crazy but I can feel it, I feel an extra surge of confidence at the realization and quietly make my way into the elevator before I frown when i'm faced with an electronic keypad which I know from experience won't move unless I input the correct code.

I spend at least twenty minutes trying to think of possibilities that Master might use before my eyes widen as I think of a sudden possibility, I have already tried many important dates related to Master which I discovered by looking in his office while he was out early one morning but none of them have worked so far. I carefully and slowly press the numbers which make up the birth date of the-girl-who-looks-like-me before I jump in surprise when the elevator jerks suddenly and begins its ascent up the many floors of the building towards the penthouse.

I'm surprised that Master chooses to use such an easily guessed code but I assume that it is only because it's a service elevator and that the code is changed often, I instinctively turn around to look at myself in the mirror but quickly remember that it is only the elevator from the lobby which allows me to do that. I blink when I feel the elevator come to a sudden stop before I take a sharp intake of breath when the doors open and Master's familiar apartment is slowly revealed to me.

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I know I say it in every chapter but thank you everyone for the reviews :), it really does make me write and post chapters quicker when I know that other people are enjoying it too.

Nicola – Glad you're enjoying it :)

sam5973 – I'm glad that you like my perception of Leila, she's only borderline right now and her mental stability is going to get much worse :)

sheltiegirl – I'm so happy that you like it :)

- Leila and Ana's first meet is coming up within the next few chapters : )

girlofmidnight – Yeah, she knows that something about Leila isn't quite right, i'm glad you're enjoying it :)

all8row – Yeah, she'll be sneaking in and watching them together soon although I have a few chapters to go first because i'm following the timeline of the books :)


	6. Altered Plans

I can see from the reviews that you all want longer chapters but i'm sorry to say that I can't give you longer chapters because i'm not great at writing and if I tried to do longer chapters then my updates would be very few and far between : (. I'm about one or two chapters ahead at this moment (Although I have wrote this story in a strange way, I wrote the confrontation with Christian before I actually wrote the beginning, I have some of middle part finished but I still have to write more to work up to it) I will try to update as quickly as I can but I want to keep the safety net of at least one chapter ahead, updates might be slightly slower (Weekly max) because of Christmas but your enthusiasm made me get this chapter out quicker than I had planned :D

This chapter doesn't include Ana or Christian yet because I wanted to do the confrontation with Gail before moving to the chapters with Leila playing 'hide and seek' in the apartment. Anyway enough of my rambling, here's the earlier chapter :)

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I feel my legs grow weak and feel a blush begin to stain my cheeks as I take in my surroundings and slowly walk into the apartment. I suddenly want to kick off my shoes and walk barefoot on the floor and giggle quietly before gently lowering myself to sit down on the floor outside the elevator, I carefully undo my laces and slip my shoes and white socks off before wriggling my toes and repeating the same process with my other foot. I push myself to my feet a moment later and hold both my shoes in my right hand before I walk further into the apartment and smile as i'm greeted by the kitchen and breakfast bar.

My body feels like it's on automatic and I feel my legs suddenly begin to head towards the staircase, towards the playroom but I suddenly stop myself when I hear someone gently humming a tune. I turn and tilt my head before I blink a few times when Mrs Jones appears in the kitchen, I watch her walk to the cupboard and pull out a glass before she turns and jumps when she notices me standing the middle of the great room. I stay silent as I curiously watch the range of emotions that pass over her expression, surprise, worry, fear and lastly curiosity.

"C-Can I h-help you?" Gail asks nervously as her eyes look over my body, I begin to wonder if she recognizes me but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't.

"No" I answer honestly as I glance around the room, i'm surprised that security or Master haven't raced into the room yet "I need to see Master" I explain a moment later when I see the look of confusion etched on her features.

"Master?" Gail repeats in confusion before her eyes suddenly fill with understanding "Leila, is that you?" Gail questions as she takes a step forward, she seems to be surprised at the realization but doesn't make any move to get back-up which interests me.

"Where's Master?" I ask after a few seconds of silence, I completely ignore her last question because I assume that it was rhetorical. I stare at her with an unwavering gaze as I wait for her answer but she stays silent "Where is he?" I repeat as my voice raises and I narrow my eyes at her before I realise that her gaze has locked onto the shoes in my right hand, I quickly place them down next to my feet before my gaze locks onto the large knife set just at the other side of the kitchen.

"He's not here, Leila" Gail answers awkwardly as she follows my gaze to the knife block. I automatically believe that she's lying and slowly but purposefully make my way around the island and stare her down as she backs away before I pull out a sharp knife by the dark blue handle.

I turn it over in my hand and watch as the light from the room dances over the metal blade before I raise my gaze to Gail whose stance has changed completely and is shaking slightly but before I can speak I hear sudden footsteps on the staircase and am faced with a man which I assume is a new member of his security team. He looks between myself and Gail with his gun raised in my direction but it doesn't make me flinch.

"Gail, is everything alright?" He questions as he glances at Gail and I tilt my head as both their gazes turn to me although they clearly don't try to make it obvious which strangely makes me smirk.

"Y-Yes" Gail whispers shakily in reply although it's clear that she is lying and is scared about my next move although I have no interest in harming her "Leila is here to see, Mr Grey"

"But Mr Grey isn't here, he-" He begins to explain but I quickly tune it out, I have no interest in the rest of his sentence after hearing that Master isn't there. I feel my head swim and my stomach begin to churn as I process that information, not to mention the fact that my plan has been completely ruined.

No. Master might not be here but I know that he'll be here soon enough especially since his security team has made their appearance but I can't let him see me here like this, he won't understand but I can't get out. I'm trapped.

I feel my breathing begin to quicken and lean my back against the counter behind me before I look down at the knife in my hand and my easily accessible wrist. Do I really want to do this? Do I want to leave a scar on my wrist that i'll have to look at everyday?

Yes. I can live with a little scar because it will prove to Master that i'll do anything for him, to be with him. I quickly tighten my grip on the knife before I move it down towards my wrist, I can feel both pairs of eyes watching me, studying my every move but I doubt that they are going to stop me because they think i'm unstable or unwell and the truth is they're right.

I take a deep breath before I rip the blade across my wrist and drop to my knees as tears fill my eyes and trail down my pale cheeks, my whole body begins to shake as I clutch my bleeding wrist to my chest and pull away from Gail when she kneels down next to me and tries to dress it. I had never imagined that it would hurt so much but it's only a marginal compared to the pain that I felt emotionally when I finally accepted that Master wasn't in the apartment.

"Yes, ambulance please" I hear him say in the background and before I shake my head as Gail tries to get a look at my wrist, I glance down at the bloody knife which is lying next to me and she quickly gets up before retrieving a tea-towel, wrapping it around the handle of the knife and moving it away from me. I blink at her as she kneels down next to me again before I look down at my bloody wrist which I am currently cradling against my chest like a frightened child with a teddy bear.

I can feel the blood trickle down my chest, my breasts and onto my clothes but I don't move because the feeling reminds me of the way that Master's hand and other objects used to trace their way down my breasts and chest but would stop before they would go where I wanted them to. Master rarely took the time to gently tease my body and bring me to brink of orgasm before stopping at the last moment but when he did it was amazing, it was usually a much heavier and more pleasurably painful scene when we were in the playroom.

"Leila, please, just let me look at it" Gail pleaded a moment later and pulled me out of my thoughts.

"No" I refuse firmly as I shake my head although I regret it because it makes my head swim before I shakily push myself to my feet using my one good hand to support myself. I only spend a few seconds on my feet however before I quickly see the floor coming up to meet me as I fall.

"Yes Sir, will do, Mr Grey" I smile as I hear this sentence and fight to keep my eyes open but feel my head become heavy and moments later my eyes drift shut as I hear Gail's worried voice.

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Nicola – Thank you, here's an earlier update for you :)

sam5973 – Leila knows quite a lot about Ana and she's planning to find out more :)

all8row- I'm glad that it seems plausible lol, it took me a while to actually think of codes that could work without sounding unbelievable. Yep it certainly was :)

Guest /lisalilac- Glad you like it :)

DCOliver123123 - Lol, well here's the next chapter :)

– Sorry about the lack of Christian and Ana in this chapter, he'll be making an appearance within the next two chapters but it'll be Leila watching from afar for a while :)

Guest – I'm glad you're enjoying it :)


	7. Hospital

Wow, I just want to thank everyone who commented that I was a good writer. It was such a surprising thing to read when I got the reviews and it means a lot :).

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I slowly open my heavy eyes and squint as I see bright lights above me, I turn my head and blink before I tilt my head in confusion when I hear a strange beeping noise "W-Where am I-I?" I mutter confused as I raise my left arm to move my hair out of my eyes before I find that a clear tube filled with red liquid is attached to it, it takes me a few seconds before I realise that i'm in a hospital.

"Good, you're awake" I turn my head to the other side and frown as I see a nurse coming towards me "How are you feeling?" The nurse questions as she walks around the other side of my bed and gently lifts my wrist before beginning to change the dressing. I want to pull away but I don't feel like I even have the strength to lift my head, never mind pull my wrist out of her grasp.

"Fine, I g-guess" I answer shakily before I turn my head and look down the other side of the room, it is a large window separated into small squares with a wooden door on the left hand side. I can see a male figure standing at the side of the door but I can't recognize him with just the back of his head showing "Who i-is that?" I ask a moment later as I turn back to the nurse and motion to the door with my head.

"You don't remember him?" The nurse asks in a clearly surprised tone before he expression softens into a more sympathetic one when I shake my head "That's Luke Sawyer, he said that he was a close friend of yours" The nurse explains before she turns and looks at the back of his head suspiciously, clearly starting to doubt his story.

"Oh yes" I say a moment later and feign an embarrassed giggle "I guess i'm just a little confused" I add smiling weakly before I squirm and really blush as I realise that I have a pressing need to go to the bathroom, I open my mouth to mention this to the nurse but she, like Susi and Master, seems to read my mind and efficiently helps me out of bed while ensuring that the irritating IV stays securely in my arm.

I quickly make my way to the bathroom at the other side of the room and notice that Luke has casually entered the room. I blink in surprise when I notice this before I remember hearing him speaking to Master when I was in the apartment, I smirk as I realise that Master must have given him orders to look after me which means that he must care about me.

I quickly use the bathroom with the nurse standing a few steps away, I assume in case I fall or try to injure myself again, I roll my eyes and pull my panties back up before a worrying thought suddenly hits me. What if Master has Luke here because he wants people to 'help' me too? I look at my wrist and scowl because I know that Master won't listen to me when i'm in hospital especially when I look like crap. No, I can't let Master see me here, he'll want to take care of me but he won't understand that I just need him and that he can make everything better. He'll want to get me professional help but I know that it'll never work.

I walk back to my bed and climb back in with the help of the nurse who is beginning to feel like my shadow before I lean my head back and watch as Luke walks over and sits down on the chair next to my bed "How are you feeling, Ma'am?" Luke asks politely although I can see that he feels uncomfortable. I assume that Master has ordered him to keep a close eye on me and normally the thought would boost my confidence and make me more determined to see Master but I know that right now isn't the best time.

"Not bad" I reply shrugging before I push myself to sit up on my elbows "A bit hungry though, could you get me something to eat?" I add a moment later although i'm not really hungry, I know that it isn't the best plan in the world but it's the only plausible excuse that I can think of that would get him out of the ward long enough for me to discharge myself.

"I think that they should be serving breakfast in a few minutes" Luke answers simply and I frown before I turn my body into a more comfortable position and give him the sweetest smile that I can manage.

"True but hospital food isn't exactly anything to look forward to" I reply as I wrinkle my nose and motion towards the dilute orange juice on the table next to my bed which looks more like a urine sample than a refreshing drink "It would be really nice to have something hot and filling to eat" I add carefully and smile as I see him begin to squirm uncomfortably, I don't doubt that he knows about Master's obsession with eating properly and I can imagine the mental struggle that he is currently having because he will be pissing off Master, no matter which option he chooses. Luckily for me, he sighs a moment later and pushes himself to his feet.

"Is there anything in particular that you would like, Ma'am?" Luke asks politely and I have to fight against the smirk that wants to pass across my pale features.

"Um...pancakes or maybe a breakfast wrap from a nearby deli?" I answer smiling "And a cup of tea, milky white but no sugar" I add quickly before I watch as he nods and takes out his phone which immediately earns him a glare from the nurse who is checking my charts, I begin to wonder if she heard my comment about the hospital food and the look that I receive before she walks out of the room, pretty much confirms that she did.

"T, Miss Williams would like me to go and get her something to eat" Luke says which immediately draws my attention back to him "Yes but-" Luke stops mid-sentence and winces slightly as he holds the cell phone away from his ear slightly which makes me giggle "Should I contact Mr Grey?" Luke questions once Taylor has calmed down and I move forward slightly as I try to hear Taylor's answer because I know that if he calls Master then my plan could be completely ruined "Alright, it shouldn't take me long" Luke adds and I instantly relax before he says goodbye and hangs up before turning to me "Taylor, is just downstairs if you should need anything, Ma'am" Luke informs me and I nod before he turns and makes his way out of the room.

I lean forward and watch as he makes his way down the corridor before I carefully reach over the side of my bed and press the button to call a nurse. I know that i'm not going to have long to discharge myself and that i'll have to be quick to avoid Luke catching me.

"Is everything alright?" The nurse questions as she walks back into the room before she walks over and raises the head of my bed to allow me to look at her without having to support myself in a sitting position.

"Yes, I was just wondering when I could go home" I ask quickly before I lean forward eagerly as I wait for her answer, I worry that the answer will be one that I don't want to hear but I know that I need to get out before Master gets here.

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Thank you so much for all your reviews! I am amazed that my story is so popular and your positive reviews really do encourage me to write and post quicker :D

Caribbeansbride – Gail was shocked and scared, she wasn't going to say no in case it prompted Leila to attack her or Luke.

heliter dianhs – Thank you so much! I've skimmed over the hospital part in this chapter and the next but it's more about her and Christian than the details about her 'problems'. :)

Nicola – Thank you! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story :)

cmkr1971 – Glad you are enjoying it and thank you so much for the compliment :)

kathd16 - Glad you are enjoying it :)

all8row – Awesome, that's the feeling that I was going for, I love to add in random thoughts and actions from Leila that help to convey her 'madness' :D

– Hmm... Well she'll definitely be heading home because i'm following the storyline of all three books but I haven't thought past that yet although you have raised some interesting questions :)

Guest – Thank you! I know, I think a lot of people are waiting for those chapters :P but I want to take it slowly and build it up realistically instead of just jumping ahead and putting it in early. I hope that the chapter will be worth the wait :)

sam5973- Glad you are enjoying it :)

lisalilac – Glad you are enjoying it, yeah and she's only going to get worse :)


	8. Narrow Escape

Sorry for the long wait between updates but I hope that my double update will make up for the wait :). I hope you all had a great Christmas and have a happy new year :D

I apologize in advance for any errors (Spelling, grammer, etc...) i've skimmed through both chapters but I am tired and wanted to get these up before I went to bed. If you notice anything big then please let me know but i'll be checking it over in a few days time anyway to sort any problems :)

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I am forced to listen through nearly ten minutes of a lecture about self-harming, psychiatrists, keeping the wound clean and changing my dressing etc... It feels like she has been talking for hours until she finally gives me a pack of clean bandages and cream to cover my wrist with before making an outpatients appointment with the hospital near I live, I don't bother to correct her and tell her that i'm staying with Susi for a month because I have no intention of coming back to talk about my 'issues' or being 'evaluated'. Although I know that i'm lucky to even be getting out of hospital after yesterday but I assume that it has something to do with Master who I assume is paying for any medical bills; under the orders that I come back for an evaluation however I don't think that he would agree with me discharging myself so early.

I head back into the bathroom and quickly slip on my clothes from yesterday before I stuff the bandages and cream into the pocket of my trench coat and head out into the hallway, I know that Taylor is somewhere in the hospital from the way that Luke spoke to him on the phone. I quickly make my way through the hospital and down the staircases towards the exit before I stop when I reach the hallway which leads outside, I automatically spot Taylor standing guard outside the door and frown because I know that he'll recognize me if I try to slip past him.

I lean against the wall as I look around for another exit before i'm distracted when I hear a car squeal into the car park. Master always likes to make an entrance, I giggle at the thought before I stop myself because I know that if Master catches me then i'll be sitting in front of a psychiatrist within the hour. I frown and look back down the hallway before I tilt my head when I notice that Taylor is no longer standing in front of the door which can only mean one thing. Master is here.

I know that i'll be caught if I stay standing here, so I quickly walk down the hallway before I grin when I find an open door because I know that it's just another sign that i'm supposed to be with Master especially since the same thing happened at Escala with the service elevator. I quietly slip inside but leave the door open a crack and watch as the tornado that is Christian Grey enter the hospital followed by a flustered Taylor, I quickly cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself from giggling because I don't think that i've ever seen Taylor flustered. Master must have been really worried about me, I feel kind of guilty as I realise this but also happy because it means that he still cares about me although I do feel bad for Taylor and Luke.

"I need to see Leila Williams, where is she?" Master demands quickly as he storms up to the nervous receptionist. I watch as she checks the computer and hope that it hasn't hit the system yet that i've checked myself out.

"A-are you a-a relative, s-sir?" The receptionist questions and I smile because it most likely means that it hasn't gone through yet.

"No but I am paying for her medical care" Master snaps annoyed "Not to mention the amount of money that I have given this hospital. Now, where is she?" Master demands once again in a tone which has me shrinking back into the small room although I know that it isn't aimed at me.

"Oh" The reception mutters blushing obviously realising that he isn't the right person to piss off "If you go up to the third floor then the receptionist there will be able to show you to her room"

Master gives her a nod in response before he storms down the corridor, I cover my mouth with my hand when he walks past my hiding place before I watch as he disappears around the corner. I silently count to twenty in my head to give him enough time to at least make it into the elevator before I sneak out and quickly make my way out of the hospital before I can be asked any questions by the hospital staff about my reasons for hiding in a closet.

I pull up the hood of my sweatshirt before I pick up speed as I run out of the hospital car park. I know that it is highly unlikely but I worry that Master might look out of one of the windows and recognize me, I finally relax when i'm a few streets away from the hospital and dig out my cell phone from the pocket of my trench coat before I quickly turn it back on and wince when it tells me that I have over a dozen missed calls and no less than thirty texts from a concerned Susi.

I feel bad for worrying her and open up my phone book before scrolling down to her number although I honestly don't know what i'm planning to say because my plan didn't go as I thought it would.

"Leila! Are you alright? You're not hurt, right? Where did you sleep? Why didn't you answer my texts or my calls?" Susi questions quickly once she answers her cell phone after the second ring phone which only makes me feel worse.

"Yes, not really, Hospital and my cell phone was off" I answer carefully in the order that she asked me "But don't worry, i'm not seriously injured and I promise that i'll explain everything once i'm back, alright" I add quickly before she can panic any further.

"Okay" Susi agrees after a moment of uncomfortable silence "Where are you? Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No!" I answer quickly and wince because I know that i've just given her more reasons to worry but I can't afford to stick around here, I want to see Master but it has to be the right time. "I'm only about ten minutes away" I reply with a small smile as I try to sound in control and calm although I feel the opposite "I'll be back soon" I say gently before I end the call and slip the cell phone back into my pocket before running my hands through the ends of my hair which seems sticky and clumped together at the tips but I assume that is because of the blood that trickled onto my breasts while I was in the apartment.

I shake my head and force the reminder of my failed attempt to the back of my mind before I slowly make my way back to Susi's and plan my next move, it didn't work this time but it was only a small error and I know that it'll work next time because Master and I are meant to be together, even if Master doesn't know it yet.

"But, how did that happen?" Susi questions finally as she motions towards my bandaged wrist. I've spent the last thirty minutes spinning an intricate web of lies to explain everything that happened last night and I have to admit that my story sounds almost believable, until this part.

"Well, I was sitting on the grass sketching a mama duck and her ducklings when-" I stop suddenly when Susi holds up her hand and looks at me suspiciously. I return her gaze with a confused glance before I try to mask my reaction when I hear her simple answer.

"Lee, you never took your sketching book or pencils" Susi says in a quiet voice and I feel like kicking myself as my mind goes into overtime trying to think of another explanation "Lulu" Susi sighs as she moved slightly closer and takes my hand which isn't a good sign because it means that already believes that she knows the real reason and she is always strangely accurate "Was it anything to with Mr Grey?" Susi questions finally but holds her hand up again before I can answer "If it is. Don't worry, I won't judge you" Susi adds quickly which makes my stomach churn guiltily. How can I lie to her when she's being so understanding?

"Yes" I admit in a voice no louder than a whisper and I can feel Susi tense beside me "But, it's nothing serious" I add quickly as my mind quickly fills with different plausible scenarios. Plausible, but none that I think Susi would believe especially since she seems to be a mind reader. I could tell her the truth but the tensing of her body has made me think twice about that and I pick the one that sounds the best "I was in a bar and this guy just wouldn't leave me alone" I pause and feel the guilt in my stomach double when I hear Susi gasp and squeeze my hand sympathetically "He started to get too close but luckily another man stepped into to help me and it happened to be Taylor" I add quickly and will myself not to tap my fingers on my leg because it's a big tell-tale sign that i'm lying "Taylor restrained the guy and started to pull him away, I was still pretty annoyed and threw the rest of my drink over him but I wasn't as steady as I thought I was and I dropped the glass on the floor. I tried to clean it up and somehow ended up cutting my wrist" I explain awkwardly as each sentence seems to flow into the next although I know that it doesn't sound very plausible as I first planned it to be. I make sure to roll my eyes and giggle embarrassed when I mention about 'somehow cutting my wrist' hoping that she'll believe that i'm embarrassed about being clumsy and won't push for further details.

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Guest - I've already explained about my writing style/short chapters and i'm sorry but it's the only way that I can write.

- I'd love to but it's just not the way that I write but I hope you like the double update :) Yay! I so happy to hear that.

Guest - Yeah but I was super busy during Christmas which left no time for me to write more chapters.

Guest - I'm so happy to hear that you are enjoying it :D (Again, sorry for the smaller chapters but it's the way I write. I hope you enjoy the double update!)


	9. Lies and Memories

DCOliver123123 asked for more Dom/Sub stuff in his review and we aim to please, so i've updated the memory between Leila and Christian to include their interaction in the playroom. Let me know what you think :) (New chapter coming soon)

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I sit and watch Susi as she absorbs all this information before I gasp as i'm suddenly pulled into a close hug "Oh Lulu, i'm so sorry to hear that you had such a rotten night" Susi says guiltily which makes me, if it's possible, feel even worse than earlier before I find myself looking back at her when she pulls away as her features take on a much more suspicious look "Wait. Taylor was in the bar...alone?" Susi questions suspiciously and I nod slowly as I wait to see where is going with her theory "Where was Mr Grey? I don't think I ever saw Mr Grey without Taylor in the three months that I was with him"

"I'm sure that Master must give Taylor time off at some point" I answer giggling "He was probably at home with a new sub" I answer casually as I shrug my shoulders as I glance up at Susi before I relax slightly when she leans back into the couch.

"Yeah probably" Susi agrees with a small giggle before she turns to look at me again "But it's not the weekend, it's only Friday" Susi adds a moment later and I barely stop myself from groaning and glaring at her. I love Susi and she is a great friend but she is like a dog with a bone when she thinks that she knows something which only makes my plan more difficult.

"Well maybe he made a new contract" I reply sighing as I lift my arms before dropping them onto the couch in an exasperated motion "I don't know" I add quickly "I already explained everything that happened last night, why are you questioning me?"

Susi watches me for a few seconds before mirroring my sigh "Sorry, Lulu" Susi whispers a moment later as she shifts around and leans her back against the arm of the couch "I just don't want to see you hurt, emotionally or physically. Especially where Mr Grey is involved, it was nice of him to pay for your art school and everything but I don't think it's a good idea to try and track him down"

"I've already heard this lecture, remem-" I stop suddenly when I notice Susi's serious expression "Relax, I understand that you are worried about me but i'm a big girl and i'm perfectly capable of enjoying my time here without running to Mr Grey" I add quickly and try to ignore the guilt in my stomach which continues to build with each continuing lie "I only want to talk to him once before I go home, to thank him for art school"

"You'd tell me, if there was anything else, right?" Susi questions gently and I feel like i've been punched in the stomach when I see and hear the obvious concern in her tone and features. I don't deserve such a great friend especially when I lie to her as much as this but it'll be worth it in the end when i'm reunited with my Master. I squirm and take a deep breath before I force my features into a relaxed expression.

"Of course, Susi" I answer quietly with a small smile, she seems to believe me because her entire body relaxes as she returns my smile before she launches into a conversation about her ideas for things to do while i'm staying with her.

I frown at the television as I flick through the channels and try to find a programme that will be remotely interesting at this time in the morning which is near impossible especially when my mind is determined to focus on one thing and one thing alone. I give up a few minutes later and drop the remote control onto the couch before I pull the warm blanket off the bottom half of my body and pull myself to my feet which are covered in a pair of black and white stripy knee socks with a face and ears near my toes which I assume are supposed to resemble a panda; a present from Susi which was supposed to cheer me up. I refuse to walk barefoot until I am back in Master's apartment. It feels so normal and natural to do it there.

I feel a blush begin to creep up my cheeks as I remember my time in the apartment two nights ago which seems like two or three months ago, now. I shake my head and walk into the kitchen before I open the fridge and pull out the carton of orange juice, I quickly grab a glass and fill it with the cold fruit juice before I put the orange juice back into the fridge and take my place back on the couch with the orange juice in my hand.

My eyes slowly trail down to the clock on the screen of the DVD recorder and blink when I realise that it's 4am. Master is probably awake right now either playing the piano or spending time with the-girl-who-looks-like-me, I used to love to listen to Master play although it was usually sad songs but I still loved to watch his long fingers dance across the keys.

_I rubbed my right eye with my hand as I leaned against the door-frame in my white silk nightdress, my eyes swept over Master's bare, toned back as the muscles in his arms moved slightly as his fingers danced across the black and white keys on the piano. I don't usually wake up in the middle of the night especially after a tiring scene with Master in the playroom but i'm glad that I did because he looks at peace and so relaxed as he concentrates on the song that he is playing._

"_Leila" Master questioned as he turned around and broke my concentration, he must have stopped playing without me noticing because I was so absorbed in watching him "Why aren't you asleep?" Master asked a moment later and I could easily hear the impatience and slightly annoyance in his tone._

"_I woke up and wanted to get a glass of water, Sir" I explained softly as I quickly diverted my gaze to the floor and my soft brown hair tumbled down around my cheeks and shoulders "I didn't mean to disturb you, Master. I just wanted to hear you play, you play beautifully" I added quietly as I glanced up at him through my lashes before my breath caught in my throat when I noticed that Master's eyes had suddenly glazed over with lust, desire and most of all dominance. _

"_Miss Williams, do I need to remind you about the rules of our contract?" Master asked in a deathly quiet tone although I could still spot the undertone of lust in his question. I noticed later that he had ignored my compliment about his musical skills which usually would have stung if my concentration and body hadn't of been completely drawn to Master and his sudden change in mood._

"_Contract, Sir?" I repeated in confusion as I shifted my weight to my other foot and glanced up at him through my lashes before I blushed when I felt the silk of my nightdress rub against my bare backside, suddenly reminding me that I had forgotten to don panties before I exited my bedroom. I always slept bare when I was wearing a silk nightdress._

"_Yes. The contract that you signed to become my submissive" Master explained as he stood up and revealed his chest to me. I dropped my gaze once again because I knew that Master didn't like me to touch or look at his chest although I had already seen the burns but I never told him, I always wanted to help, to somehow make them better or not as bad although in reality, there was nothing that I could really do "Does it not state that you are to try and get at least eight hours of sleep per night?"_

_I blinked quickly as my mind quickly caught up with his words and nodded in silent affirmation as my fingers began to play with the hem of my silk nightdress which __inadvertently __caused it to move up and show off my bare thighs. The contract had originally stated that it would only apply when I wasn't with Master but he had quickly noticed that I didn't like to sleep much and adjusted the contract to affect all times._

"_Answer me!" Master demanded a moment later in a louder tone which caused me to jump and stop fiddling with the bottom of my silk nightdress._

"_Yes Sir" I affirmed quietly and squirmed as I felt a familiar warmth in-between my thighs which made me blush even more._

"_Good" Master answered quietly as he closed the small distance between us and took my chin in his hand before tilting it up to meet his smouldering gaze "Look at me" Master ordered in the same quiet tone which surprised me but I slowly raised my gaze to look into his smokey grey eyes, I struggled to keep my balance for a few seconds as I felt my knees grow weak but managed to stay on my feet "Playroom. In the usual position. In the clothes that you are wearing now" Master said sternly and I practically whimpered with need before I dropped my gaze and scampered off towards the playroom._

_I took a deep breath as I entered the corridor which primarily lead to the playroom and my bedroom. It looked exactly the same as it did when I walked down it under ten minutes ago but it felt like the air had suddenly changed and filled with electricity and anticipation, I have a love/hate relationship with anticipation which Master was aware of and frequently added it into our play and punishments. I love the way that it makes me squirm and feeds my desire but I hate the way that it feeds my guilt and nervousness when I have done wrong and upset Master._

_I knew better than to stall however and quickly walked down the corridor in my bare feet before I felt my breath catch in my throat as my fingers closed around the handle and pushed open the door to reveal the playroom which seemed so innocent and simple from the outside._

_My eyes automatically scanned the familiar room as the warmth between my thighs kicked into overdrive. I quickly averted my eyes to the floor because I knew that I would have to wait until Master allowed me to orgasm, if he allowed me to, which was highly unlikely considering that I was there for punishment instead of pleasure although punishment is still extremely pleasurable, except for the guilty feeling that hangs over me like a dark cloud._

_I blinked back the guilty tears that filled my eyes and lowered myself onto my knees by the door as I got into the position that Master had ordered when I first entered the playroom; kneeling, legs spread, hands flat on my thighs and my eyes on the floor. It felt strange to be in that position in my nightdress because I was usually only wearing panties but strangely, I felt more naked dressed that way than I did when I was dressed in my panties._

_I was sitting, squirming in the playroom for what felt like hours until I heard Master's footsteps in the hallway, my body tightened in anticipation as I let out a silent breath when I heard the door open beside me and watched as Master gracefully entered the room and shut the door behind him. I felt like all my senses were heightened since I was practically blind with my eyes glued to the floor in front of me._

_I listened as Master set soft music to play before I felt my body flood with desire when his feet came into my line of sight._

"_Stand up" Master ordered simply and I carefully pushed myself to my feet while keeping my gaze downcast "Turn" Again, I did as requested and smiled as Master gathered my hair into his hands before letting it rest against my back, he then separated it into three sections and began to softly braid it. I always wondered why Master chose to braid my hair whenever we did a scene or punishment in the playroom but didn't dare to ask because I knew that it was a 'bad' subject to approach, like the three small scars that marked his chest._

_I whimpered as I was suddenly roughly pulled backwards by my braid until my sounds were cut off by Master pinning me against his chest with a possessive kiss as I leaned my head back into the crook of his neck, his hand moved down my body until he reached my thighs which were already soaking wet._

"_You seem to be enjoying this" Master commented quietly "But, you will not come without my permission, understand?" Master added sternly and I nodded in response before I yelped when I felt a stinging smack to my backside with, what looked like, the hairbrush that had used to braid my hair._

"_Yes Master" I whispered quickly in response as I stopped myself from reaching back and rubbing the sore spot. I carefully moved back to my place at the door and resumed my position as Master walked across the room to, I assumed, collect the implements that he planned to use on me that morning._

_I was left in my kneeling in my position for about ten minutes before Master appeared in my eye line once again. I could feel my lower body clench as he offered his hand before ordering me to my feet, I quickly took his hand which was soft and gentle before I felt him leading me across the room. I have a pretty good visual memory and could draw the playroom easily but it seems much harder when you are walking through it essentially blindfolded._

"_I want you to lie down on your stomach and stay in position until I say otherwise. I am going to handcuff your arms to the headboard and tie your legs together, understand?" Master questioned sternly as he released my hand and walked up to the headboard to unlock the handcuffs._

"_Yes Sir" I answered quietly nodding as I climbed onto the bed and lay down on my stomach. My heartbeat felt like it was beginning to race but I can only felt myself becoming wetter in response._

"_Do you remember your safe words?" Master asked as he locked each handcuff around both of my wrists before moving down towards the bottom of the bed and tying my legs together at the ankles with a silky piece of fabric._

"_Red and yellow, Master" I answered automatically as I took deep breaths. It was a process that always happened in the playroom, play or punishment Master always asked me the safe words a few times and the deep breathing helped me to get deeper into my 'sub-space'._

"_Good. Use them if you need to" Master reminded me sternly before I felt him slip a blindfold over my eyes, in the form of a eye mask that people usually used for sleeping. I raised my head slightly as he guided it over my eyes and plunged me into darkness before I heard his footsteps walk away from me, I suddenly felt the need to tug on my bindings to check if they were secure before I froze when I felt an implement trail down my back which caused my body to shake and quiver with nervousness and need although I managed to bite back a whimper._

"_Why are we here, Miss Williams?" Master questioned quietly as he continued to trail the implement down my back and legs before I jumped in surprise when I felt a stinging smack on my thigh. I immediately realised that it was a crop but the one that Master had modified slightly to have long soft strands of fabric which felt sensual when it was getting dragged down my back, backside and legs but stung when it was snapped off my bottom or thighs "Answer me" Master ordered sternly as another stinging smack landed on my backside._

"_Because I-I broke the s-sleeping rule in t-the contract, Master" I answered quickly as my breath caught in my throat before I relaxed as he started to trail it down my back once again, both the pain and pleasure continued to fuel the fire in-between my legs and was glad that I wasn't wearing panties for once because they would completely soaked._

"_Correct" Master replied simply as he used the crop to move my braid to my right side "You signed the contract and agreed to its terms, Miss Williams" Master reminded me as he landed another two hard flicks of the crop to my bottom which caused me to arch my back as the pain quickly changed into pleasure although the guilt that had pooled in the pit of my stomach reminded me that I was being punished "Do not come" Master ordered a few moments later and I whimpered in reply as I sank into the bed, I had already been punished for disobeying Master's orders in the past and had been threatened with the termination of our contract._

"_Good" Master praised quietly before I heard him step away from the bed once again, I turned my head slightly hoping to try and mentally pin-point his position before I arched my back in surprise when I felt a strap land squarely across my backside twice before following with two to my sit-spots. I cried out as the pain erupted across my backside and thighs but, at the same time, the warmth in-between my legs spiked as I dampened the sheets below me._

_I counted another four or five smacks before I began to sob into the pillow that I was holding in my fingertips, I was screaming and begging for Master to stop and promising that I would never break the rules of the contract again although inside I was screaming and begging for more as I arched into each blow but also tried to shy away, my feet tried to pound against the mattress but were effectively restrained and I wouldn't lift my legs because I didn't want to accidently kick Master._

_I suddenly felt the bed dip behind me and tried to wriggle nearer to Master, I needed to come soon or I felt like I would explode but Master already seemed to know this and leaned over my body, I soon realised that he has shed himself of his clothes at that moment except for his shirt "You are not going to come tonight and you are forbidden to pleasure yourself later, do you understand?" Master whispered quietly in my ear, I froze in shock as Master's words sunk in._

"_Yes Sir, I understand" I replied shakily, I didn't think that I would be able to hold on but reminded myself of the consequences of disobeying and forced my body to relax before I whimpered when I felt him flip me onto my back "You will learn not to disobey me, Miss Williams"._

I'm quickly pulled back to the present when my cell phone goes off and jolts me back to reality. I take a deep breath and head to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face before I surrender to the inevitable. I need to see Master and I need to see him today.

Ten minutes later I quietly exit the bathroom dressed in a pair of jeans, purple t-shirt and a black sweatshirt. I am moving around the apartment as quietly as possible because I don't want to wake up Susi, I gently slip on my shoes and grab my trusty trench-coat before sneaking out of the apartment.

I shiver as the cold morning air suddenly hits me before I button up my trench-coat and pull the hood of my sweatshirt over my head as my feet guide me towards Escala although a small part of my brain is telling me to go back to Susi's and wait until I have planned this out but my body seems to completely ignoring this because I find myself staring up at Escala fifteen minutes later.


	10. Ana's Punishment

I usually reply to each one of wonderful reviews at the end of each chapter but I really wanted to get these out before I went to bed. I appreciate and love every review that I receive and i'll update this chapter later with my replies :).

Another double update. I hope you all enjoy it :)

* * *

I take a deep breath before I quietly sneak into the underground garage which is much easier than last time because I quickly discover that the code hasn't been changed since my last visit. I smirk as my confidence spikes at the thought of Escala approving of my plan once again and helping me before I stop suddenly when my attention is drawn to the Audi at the side of garage.

I slowly walk over to it as my eyes look over every feature. It looks just like the car that I had and probably every other submissive had too because I know that Susi had one before she sold it, I blink as I think about this new information because I was unsure if she was his submissive or not and this just confuses me even more. I take a picture of it with my cell phone before I turn my mind back to the original reason that i'm here and turn off my phone then slip into my pocket of my jacket, I don't want to worry Susi but I can't take the chance of her calling me and spoiling my plan.

I pause as I walk towards the service elevator as I take a second to think through my plan, if Master and the-girl-who-looks-like-me are in the apartment then I can't take the service elevator because they will be alerted before it even reaches them and Taylor will be out before I can blink. I need to see Master but I need to do it carefully otherwise everything will fall apart.

Fire escape! I quickly cross around to the other side of the service elevator before I make my way towards the staircase of the fire escape. I'm surprised that the stairs lead into the underground garage but I assume that it's because they don't want an ugly set of metal stairs on the outside of the immaculate building, I quietly begin to climb up the metal staircase which leads up into the building before I stop suddenly when i'm faced with a set of doors. I push them open before I smirk when I see another staircase except these match the stairs in the reception area and I assume that they must have emergency exits at each floor "Thank you, Escala" I whisper quietly as I slip off my shoes and start to scale the steps in my socks.

I lean against the wall of the staircase as I catch my breath before I pull open the door and slip inside a hallway which don't recognize but continue to walk down it in my socks before I stop suddenly when I hear voices and i'm faced with another single door. Master's voice and I assume the-girl-who-looks-like-me. I should leave and come back another day but once again my body seems to disagree as I gently push open the door and edge closer towards the apartment, I immediately recognize the outside wall of Master's office first before I realize that I have a pretty good view of the main room if I stay here.

"You hate it that much?"

"Well...no, no I feel ambivalent about it. I don't like it, but I don't hate it"

Hate it? My eyebrows shoot up in surprise as I edge closer towards the great room.

"But last night in the playroom, you..."

I quickly cover my mouth my hands as I gasp and feel my heartbeat begin to quicken as I tune out of the conversation momentarily. She doesn't like the playroom or something that Master does in the playroom which is good for me because it's one more reason for Master to be with me instead of the-girl-who-looks-like-me. I look up and suddenly feel like i've been punched in the stomach when I see them kissing passionately, it should be me, what is it about her that is so special?

I can't watch this any longer. I need to escape, to think but I can't bring myself to leave and I know that I can't face Susi or her questioning right now. I watch as they start speaking once again about showing her something and I sneak into the room before I even realize it, I pad across the large room as quietly as possible as I head upstairs towards the only room that I feel safe and comfortable in.

I'm surprised that no one actually spotted me but I assume that Master and the-girl-who-looks-like-me are so caught up in their own conversation that they wouldn't notice if there was a power cut but i'll never understand how Taylor or the other members of the security team never caught me. Wait, it must be Escala helping me again.

I almost giggle at the idea but quickly stop myself and slip inside the door of the playroom before I take a deep breath and drop down onto my knees by the door, I quickly spread my legs, place my hands on my thighs and drop my gaze to the floor as my entire body flushes with desire before I decide that i'm far too over-dressed and push myself to my feet. I reach for the button of my jeans but stop suddenly when I hear Master once again but he sounds much closer.

"I'll show you how bad it can be, and you can make your own mind up"

Oh no. My eyes widen as I look around the dark room before I scramble under the bed and tug down the sheet which is longer that the bed and luckily touches the floor, long enough to conceal me underneath.

"Are you ready for this?" Master questions from the other side of the door and I close my eyes as my heartbeat quickens before the door slowly opens and I hear footsteps enter the room.

* * *

I curl myself into as small a shape as I can manage under the bed as I hear footsteps walk past the bed. I take a deep breath and take my mind back to the times that Master would blindfold me in this room, if I do that then I know that i'll be able to stay calm although my heart is threatening to pound out of my chest.

"Bend over the bench"

I feel my legs turn to jelly and know that I would have fallen if I hadn't already been curled up on the floor but something sounds...off, strange about Master's voice. It almost sounded more like a quiet request than the orders that he usually gives in here which confuses me but still manages to hit my submissive spot quickly even though I know that his orders are not directed at me...yet.

"We're here because you said yes, Anastasia. And you ran from me. I am going to hit you six times, and you will count with me."

I blink as I listen to the conversation with my eyes closed and have to stop myself from answering instead of the-girl-who-looks-like-me, but she doesn't answer. I shake my head slightly as my confusion grows before the answer suddenly hits me, she can't handle being a real submissive for Master but then why is Master acting different around her instead of just finding another submissive?.

I have to show him. Prove to him that he doesn't need to settle for her and that I can be everything that he needs and hopefully reap the rewards that she has somehow received – being able to take a photograph with him, being able to hold him and making him smile, really smile.

"I am doing this so that you remember not to run from me, and as exciting as it is, I never want you to run from me"

'I would never run from you, Master' I answer silently as I begin to squirm underneath the bed. I know that I must stay silent, Master can't find me while the-girl-who-looks-like-me is here.

"And you rolled your eyes at me. You know how I feel about that"

I gasp as I suddenly hear the change in Master's tone, it is Master's normal, commanding tone which is also quite comforting and sexy. It immediately hits me between my legs and I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself from making any further noises.

"Christian, did you hear that?"

My eyes widen as I hear the surprise in the-girl-who-looks-like-me's voice and force myself to take deep, albeit, silent breaths of air.

"Hear what?"

"Nothing. I g-guess I was j-just imagining it"

I mentally let out a sigh of relief as a smirk pulls at the corners of my lips. I make her nervous, she doesn't know that i'm here but she will. One day.

My upper body lurches forward as I hear the belt land across her flesh and I can feel the burn spread across my backside although I know that it is only a 'ghost memory' of the smacks from the belt that I felt in the past.

"Count, Anastasia!"

I silently mouth the number as the-girl-who-looks-like-me yells out the first smack, she doesn't like the pain. I can hear it in her voice, she's scared and in pain but she doesn't use her safe word. Why?

"Two!"

I continue to lurch forward as I hear each smack land across her backside and muffle my squeals of pleasure as the burn spreads across my own backside, I can feel my climax building but I know that I have to hold it. Master would be very unhappy if I came so early into the scene especially without permission although I am finding it increasingly harder to control myself.

"Three!"

It's more of a sob than a shout and I feel tears begin to trail down my cheeks as I squirm in my position. I can move my arms and legs freely, within the boundaries which are hidden by the sheet and blankets, but I don't, I stay in position as I feel the burn continue to blaze across my already sore backside which only fuels the fire in-between my legs.

"Four!"

I reach out and wrap my hand around one of the bed legs as my body betrays me and every muscle in my body tightens before relaxing as my orgasm takes control of my body, I struggle to keep my body still as my head swims with emotion before I feel the world around me fading quickly and an overwhelming need to sleep spread through my limp body.


	11. Questions, Answers and Leila's Chance?

I blink slowly and turn my head to try to see where I am before I lift my head slightly and frown when I feel the hard base of the bed above me, I carefully crawl out from under the unfamiliar bed before I look around in confusion as I quickly recognize the playroom. It takes a moment before understanding suddenly hits me like a tidal wave and everything comes back to me but I have no idea where Master or the-girl-who-looks-like-me have vanished to.

I open the door and peek down the deserted corridor, I walk out into the hallway before I giggle when I feel the carpeted floor below my sock covered feet although I wonder where my shoes are. I continue to walk down towards the main room before I stop suddenly when I hear soft, sad notes being played from the piano which I already know are being played my Master's skillful hands.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Master growls angrily as he appears from the 'other' bedroom, My former bedroom. I jump in surprise and grasp the handrail to stop myself from falling as my knees threaten to give way beneath me, I try to speak and answer his question but my mouth is dry and is refusing to co-operate with the orders that my brain is giving.

Master reaches his hand over his left shoulder with a small remote and silences a CD player which was the source of the beautifully sad music that I heard earlier before walking towards me. I instantly avert my gaze to the staircase beneath me "Answer me!" Master orders sternly which quickly helps me to loosen my tongue.

"I-I needed to see y-you, Master" I whisper quietly before I glance up when I hear Master snort in disbelief, I try to ignore the tears that fill my eyes but feel slightly optimistic when Master doesn't immediately escort me out of Escala or order that do not refer to him as Master.

"Why?" Master questions with a tone of, almost, curiosity in his voice.

"Where is Miss Steele?" I counter with a question of my own although I regret it almost instantly because I feel the change in the air before he walks towards me and takes my chin in his hand which forces me to meet his gaze which is an angry, stormy grey.

"Anastasia is absolutely nothing to do with you" Master growls quietly as he locks his gaze with mine "You are my past and she is my future" Master breaks his gaze and runs his hands through his hair "Was my future, she'll never want to see me again" Master mutters to himself and I can't help but notice that he looks like such a little boy, a lost, hurt and scared little boy.

"Wait" Master orders suddenly as he turns back into the persona that I know so well "How do you know about Anastasia? How long have you fucking been here?" Master questions harshly as he locks his hand around my arm. I wince as a whimper escapes my slightly parted lips which Master must notice because he releases my arm a moment later but I tell by the feeling in the air that he is barely holding onto his temper and that he wants to punish me. I want to agree and tell him that I deserve to be punished but I don't want to upset him further and decide to stick to the original question.

"I saw a picture of you together" I admit quietly and squirm as Master swears under his breath "You looked happy and relaxed, I never saw you like that" I add a moment later as I glance up at him once again, he hasn't ordered me not to and, even though I know that it's wrong, I continue to do it because it gives me a better insight into his feelings. I feel strange talking so openly with Master, it almost feels like I am watching from a distance instead of actually being part of the conversation.

Master glares at me and I quickly drop my gaze back to my sock covered feet before I sigh when I sense that he is far more interested in the answer that I don't really want to give "I was hiding in the playroom while you were punishing her, I was under the bed" I answer quietly before awkwardly dropping to my knees on the staircase, my entire body relaxes as I take my familiar, submissive position in front of my Master. I want to beg him to punish me and erase the confusion and uncertainty from my mind but I can't seem to form the words.

I can feel Master's angry gaze as my eyes lock with the floor in front of me, he pauses as if stunned for a moment before roughly pulling me to my feet and dragging me downstairs "Sawyer!" Master shouts loudly as he continues to lead me into the main room, he seems to have regained his thoughts but I can't let him throw me out, I can show him. I need to show him "I am no longer your Master, Leila" Master snaps quickly "You have no reas-"

"Master please! Just give me a chance, I saw her in the playroom, she doesn't like the pain and she can't handle it but I can. Let me show you, please Master" I plead desperately as I look up at him but I notice that his gaze has locked onto my arm, focusing on the filthy bandage that hides my injured wrist from view. My eyes fill with tears as I fear that his focus will now be to get me 'help' instead of the reason that I came here tonight but I slowly begin to feel that the air has changed- Master's anger is still clear but there is another emotion that I was never exactly sure how to pin-point but it usually ended with me in the playroom.

A few seconds later I hear footsteps racing towards me but keep my gaze on my feet, I want to kneel and feel Master's gentle hands in my hair but he clearly doesn't want me to because he has already reprimanded me once "False alarm" Master explains curtly to Sawyer, I cannot see him but I assume that it is him because of Master's earlier call for him.

"Are you sure, Sir?" Sawyer questions nervously and I can feel his gaze on me.

"Yes" Master answers impatiently before turning his gaze back to me and leading me towards the couch "Sit down" Master orders a moment later and I quickly obey although I wonder about the reason behind Master's order but I don't dare to question him. I am trying to prove to him that I can be everything that the-girl-who-looks-like-me is not which means following every part of the contract which I memorized when I first became Master's submissive.

"Why did you come here and do that?" Master questions as he motions towards the dirty bandage wrapped around my wrist.

"I wanted to see you but you weren't here" I explain simply, it seemed so simple and such a good idea at the time but my views quickly changed about that especially with the angry glare that Master is shooting at me.

"So you decide to try and fucking slice your wrist open?" Master snaps angrily which makes me jump slightly in surprise, I love being Master's submissive but the sudden personality changes always catch me out and surprise me. I shrug silently in response as I fiddle with my hands in my lap "Why the hell where you hiding under the bed in the playroom?" Master questions a moment later and I feel my breath catch in my throat, how am I supposed to answer that? I can't lie to my Master.

"I-I was watching you a-and Miss S-Steele talking, I-I just found m-myself outside the p-playroom before I knew it" I admit quickly before I have the chance to think it through properly, Master seems to be able to speak directly to two different parts of my body and get honest answers before I can decide whether to be truthful or not "I just feel s-safe inside the p-playroom" I add quietly and fight the giggle that threatens to escape my lips at the irony of that statement.

I can feel Master's confusion and anger next to me as he tries to understand my simple answers but it clearly doesn't make sense to him because he stands up and begins pacing a moment later as he runs his hands through his hair. I always wanted to feel Master's hair and feel his soft, silky strands between my fingers, tickling and exciting the skin of my hand.

"You-how-but" Master stutters as he glares at my bowed head and my eyes widen slightly as I realize that I might have rendered Master speechless. I don't say anything because I know that i'm lucky to still be in Escala and, although I am grateful that I am still here, I wonder why Master hasn't thrown me out.

"Did you go to the outpatients appointment?" Master questions suddenly and I almost feel my head spin with the sudden change in conversation again.

"No, Sir" I admit in a whisper and wince because I know that it isn't the right answer. I blink in surprise when Master's feet suddenly come into view before I find myself staring up into his grey eyes a moment later, courtesy of the firm grip that Master suddenly has on my chin which he has tilted back slightly.

"You are going to go and talk to them tomorrow" Master orders firmly "You will speak to them honestly and listen to any advice that they give you" Master adds sternly as he locks my gaze with mine "Am I understood?" Master questions a moment later and I let out a sigh of relief as he hasn't mentioned about me going home, yet.

"Yes, Sir" I answer nodding against his hand before I drop my gaze when he releases my chin a moment later. I feel lost because i've never spoken to Master this much especially in such different circumstances.

"I need you, Master. Please help me" I whisper in a tone which sounds more like a whimper, I don't realize that I am absent-mindedly trailing my hand over my injured wrist but Master does and grips my other hand.

"Stop" Master says simply and my fingers stop moving almost instantly, this feels so natural and so right, why can't Master see it or feel it?

"Punish me" I beg quietly as surprising tears trickle down my cheeks. I didn't realize that my eyes were even filling with tears "I need direction, your direction. I need you to lead me and help me. Please Master" I add quickly, I want to say more and explain how the next day seems so easy and natural since he told me about the psychiatrist but I fear that I upset him especially since I have spoken out of turn.

Master stares down at me incredulously as if I have suddenly sprouted a new head before, almost, fighting an inner argument with himself. I watch as his long legs pace in front of me, stopping every few seconds and opening his mouth to speak before resuming his pacing. I can't see above his knees but I assume that he is pulling at his hair; I am surprised that Master still has any hair left with the force that he tugs at his roots.

"We don't have a contract" Master says breaking the silence and I tilt my head curiously as I realize that he almost sounds disappointed by his own discovery.

"I'll sign a new contract" I suggest quickly but Master shakes his head and instantly shoots down my idea but I know that deep down he must be considering it because he wouldn't allow me to still be here otherwise, right?

"I do not want a new submissive, Leila" Master snaps automatically "No one can replace her, my sweet, special, angel Ana" Master whispers in a gentle tone and I take the opportunity to slip to my knees in front of him, I can show him and prove to him that I can be better than the-girl-who-looks-like-me.

"What about a special contract, Sir?" I ask quietly "Just for tonight" I add hopefully and chance a glance up at his beautiful face, I can see him beginning to bend and take a deep breath "Please Master. I need this" I whisper quietly and sit in silence as I wait to hear Master's answer.


	12. Leila's (Missed?) Opportunity

Wow, I never thought that one chapter could be so difficult to write! I have re-written this quite a few times as I have tried to capture both Christian and Leila's emotions while staying true to their characters. I know that this didn't happen in the original Fifty Shades Trilogy but I want to bring Leila's perspective into as many major events in the book as I can which will involve small re-writes or adding her into places where she wouldn't have been but that's the beauty of fan-fiction :D. I will still be largely following the events of the book though :). PS - I apologize if Christian is a bit 'off', I find it difficult to write his character but I tried my best to stay true to him.

Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last two chapters! I loved seeing everyone's opinions about Christian, his decision and about Leila and I apologize about making you all wait so long for the update but I hope that you like it :)

* * *

I fight against my instincts which are telling me to drop my gaze and carefully watch Master's expression as a roller-coaster of emotions flood onto his features. I can easily see anger, shock, frustration, upset and confusion but there are more bubbling under the surface that I can't figure out, I bite my bottom lip and nervously curl my bare toes as he, again, seems to be having a silent argument with himself. I want to plead with him and convince him that this is the right move to make but I stay silent and feel tears drip down my cheeks when Master's expression changes, yet again. I can almost feel the negative answer before he answers and try to curl myself up into a ball, almost to protect me from the hurt that I know will follow with his decision.

"I don't have one night contracts" Master mutters as he resumes his pacing. I'm not sure if he is speaking to me or simply muttering to himself and decide to take the safer route and stay quiet because this is an important moment and one wrong move could ruin everything and end up with me inside a jail cell for the night "You aren't well, Leila" Master adds and looks down at me with concern and understanding, almost try to delve inside and understand my reasons and thought processes but it's simple. I cannot operate properly without Master to guide and help me, why does everyone find that so hard to understand? It seems perfectly simple to me.

"I know, Master" I admit painfully as a few tears trickle down my cheeks "But, you can make it all better. You can fix everything" I whisper quietly and resist the urge to reach up and grab his hands because it would be the quickest and easiest way to ruin any chance that I have although I have always wanted to touch him and feel his soft skin underneath my fingers. I noticed that the-girl-who-looks-like-me is allowed to touch him but no-one else except perhaps his family which only makes it clearer that she was his girlfriend, the one thing that I long to be except I will continue to please him unlike her.

"Don't you understand? I ruined it, I hurt her and I lost her!" Master yells angrily and I feel like i've been kicked in the stomach, why does everything have to come back to her? What does she have that has mesmerized Master?. I want to insult her and I can feel the words on the tip of my tongue, ready to freely spill off but I bite my tongue because I can show Master why I am better than her and I don't want to upset him and risk the small window of opportunity that I have.

He runs his hands through his hair and roughly tugs at the roots "I can't do it, but it's all I know. What else can I do?" Master whispers in a soft, hurt, almost lost voice and I silently wonder what he talking about or if he even remembers that I am kneeling here.

"No, you shouldn't be here" Master decides firmly which causes my head to slump into my arms and tears to fall down my already damp cheeks, I blink in confusion as I notice Master's shoes come into my line of sight before I find myself looking up into his eyes a moment later, courtesy of his hand on my chin which he has tilted up firmly to meet his gaze. I instantly want to look away but I don't because i'm sure that he is doing this for a reason and I only hope that it's going to work in my favour.

"You really do need this, don't you?" Master questions although I know that there is only one answer, whether I personally agreed or not, isn't of importance although I do. I need this more than anything else that I think i've ever needed.

"Yes, Sir" I answer nodding and quickly drop my gaze to my knees. I whimper as I feel his hand leave my chin and take a deep breath as my head begins to swim, i'm sure that I would have dropped to my knees if I wasn't kneeling already and blink rapidly as I struggle to get my thoughts in the right order, once again.

"Okay" Master acquiesces a moment later and I feel my heart leap as I fight the grin that threatens to break out across my features "Stay here" Master orders before walking off in the direction of his office. I quickly nod and blink in shock at the answer that I never expected to hear before I allow a small smirk to pull at my lips, my plan has worked – almost. It is only for one night, now but I can use this night to show Master that we are truly meant to be together.

I let out a deep breath as my entire body and posture relaxes before I smile and pinch myself just to make sure that i'm not dreaming, I rub my arm gently where I just pinched it before I turn my head slightly when I hear Master's footsteps begin to make a reappearance "Stand up and sit down on the couch" Master says gently, almost unsurely but I quickly push myself up off my knees and sit down on the edge of the couch. The contract catches my eye and I know that it won't be long until we are in the playroom and everything is the way that it's supposed to be although something feels different but I can't quite put my finger on it.

"This is the contract that you signed last time, it's already adjusted to your hard limits and the other provisions that we had to make" Master explains as he flicks through the different pages of the contract, I nod numbly as I try to keep my breathing calm "The only change is this-" Master explains before he takes his pen and scores through the 3 month period and scribbles 'one night period' instead, part of me wants to ask if it still counts since the rest is typed but I keep quiet because Master knows much more about this sort of thing than I do.

"_One_ night only, Leila" Master says in a stern tone as his hand hovers over the contract "After this, you leave Anastasia alone and you do not come back here" Master adds in the same stern tone before signing the bottom of the contract and handing it over to me. I purposely don't answer, nod, or claim to understand in anyway because I cannot simply disappear but I am not disobeying because Master will realize the obvious fact soon and he'll want me to be here, I am helping him to realize our destiny. I pick up the pen with shaky hands before I follow his lead and sign my own name next to his own, it looks perfect. I know that the contract only states 'one night' but i'll show Master that I can be everything that he needs and then i'll take the place of the-girl-who-looks-like-me and become more his girlfriend/submissive and not just his submissive.

Master takes the contract and nods as he looks over it before putting it inside a folder which he leaves on the couch before his entire stance and persona changes into the one that makes my knees weak "Why are you going to be punished tonight, Leila?" Master questions sternly as he glares at me and I feel myself grow damp in-between my legs almost automatically at his words. I swear that he must have an invisible hotline to the lower half of my body, he is able to bring me to my knees or make me wet with just a few words..

"I didn't go to the out-patients appointment and I tried to slice my wrist open with a kitchen knife, Master" I answer calmly and quietly before glance up at him unsurely when I say 'Master' but he doesn't say anything in response, I notice him flinch when I mention about my wrist but he quickly masks his expression, a moment later. I hate that Master is unhappy with the choice that I made that night and just hope that he will one day forgive me for hurting myself and scaring my wrist.

"And?" Master prompts impatiently. I tilt my head in confusion and struggle to think of what Master might be referring to but I can't think of anything, I curl my toes up on the floor as I slowly begin to twirl a piece of my hair around my finger.

"Answer me!" Master demands loudly which causes me to jump in surprise and inadvertently raise my confused gaze to meet his "Sneaking into the apartment? Dismissing yourself from hospital? Hiding in the playroom"

"S-Sneaking into the ap-partment, leaving hospital t-too early and hiding u-under your bed in the playroom" I repeat shakily as I quickly avert my gaze back to my feet again, i'm surprised that Master agreed to my idea so easily but I quickly realize that it must be destiny and that it was always meant to be. I squirm as the hopeful thought suddenly hits me between my thighs and I feel my desire spike although I have to remind myself that this time in the playroom isn't for play, I have to earn Master's forgiveness.

"Exactly. We ended the contract and you had no reason to come back here and find me" Master answers sternly before holding up a hand to stop me when I open my mouth to speak "Not to mention that you put yourself in serious danger with your suicide attempt" Master scolds quietly before grasping my wrist and pulling me to my shaky feet "We are doing this because you asked me to. You will do everything that I tell you without complaint and without stalling, understood?" Master questions sternly and I fight to hide the confused expression from my features. Why would Master think that I would ever disobey him? Has the-girl-who-looks-like-me really been such a bad submissive?.

"Yes Master, of course" I answer automatically before I quickly head off in the direction of the playroom when Master orders me to go and wait for him in the playroom. I feel my head swim with excitement as my feet lead the way towards the playroom without me having to think about it too much.

* * *

I push open the door with one hand and take a deep breath as I feel my legs try to give-way beneath me, I quickly steady myself by holding the side of the door with my other hand before I try to push my previous time of the playroom out of my mind because I know that I have to concentrate on pleasing Master and showing him that he needs this, _he needs me. _I shakily lift my foot and step further into the familiar room before I quickly shed myself of my clothes except for my panties, I place the clothes in a neat pile beside me before I take my place on my knees at the side of the door and place my hands on my thighs while I automatically spread my legs and await my Master's arrival.

I stay in my position for nearly fifteen minutes before I start to squirm and worries begin to enter my mind about if Master will actually come upstairs or if it was simply a trick to give him time to get out, for people to collect me and lock me away. I take a deep breath as I hear loud, deliberate footsteps in the hall and close my eyes as the door creaks open and floods the dim room with light, I nervously open one eye and smile when Master's familiar feet are in my line of sight. I watch as he crosses the room and turns on soft, slow music before blinking when I hear him open a drawer and then take something off the wall, I don't bother to try and guess the items that he has chosen because the drawers are filled with an array of items and I trust that he won't pick anything that i'm uncomfortable with.

I begin to squirm as I feel Master watching me from the other side of the room, he seems to be deep in contemplation but i'm only guessing because I can't see anything above his feet which makes it nearly impossible to guess his mood although I can tell simple moods by his stance, but this is something different and I can only assume that he is thinking twice about his decision, I never thought I would ever see Master second-guessing himself and it only strengthens my belief that he needs this as much as I do.

"Stand up" Master orders sternly and I quickly scramble to my feet with my hands clasped behind my back and my eyes on my bare toes, he walks towards me and silently motions for me to turn before taking my hair in his hands and roughly plaiting it which surprises me because he is usually so gentle, controlled and self-assured when he does this. I bite my lip to mask my squeaks of pain that escape my lips when he tugs on my hair to wrap it around another piece and let of a sigh of relief when I feel him finish off the plait with a hair tie.

"Turn around" Master orders quietly and I turn quickly which gives me a quick glimpse of his expression, or more importantly, his eyes, they aren't dark, stern and 'dom like' as normal they seem more fragile, hurt and uncertain which confuses me but also makes my annoyance rise towards the-girl-who-looks-like-me because I know that she caused this, she changed him and only I can change him back, I can give him everything that he needs.

"Eyes down!" Master barks loudly which causes me to jump in surprise but automatically drop my gaze to the floor. I feel my body instantly respond to his normal tone and relax because I know that my Master is still in there somewhere and i'm slowly helping him to come out "You do not look at me, speak or make a sound without my permission" Master growls in a deathly quiet tone which, unusually, doesn't hold the usual tone of disappointment that I remember, just annoyance, impatience and anger.

"I understand, Master. I'm sorry" I whisper quickly in response as I stare down at my bare toes before I feel his hand clamp around my arm and lead me towards the large wooden cross in the corner of the room, I obediently step up to it and wait for Master to lock my wrists and ankles into position before I blink in surprise when he doesn't release the grip on my arm.

"Back to the cross. I want you facing me" Master explains impatiently and I carefully turn around before stretching out each arm and leg in turn for Master to shackle in place, he has never had me facing him on this before and i'm usually staring at the walls as he slowly teases me with his chosen implement. I squirm as I feel the cool wood against my bare back and tug on the restrains slightly, almost testing if they are still as strong as I remember. I keep my head bowed and my gaze on the floor before I tilt my head when Master walks away from me and picks up something from the bed.

"Raise your head" Master orders and I quickly obey before I find the room plunged into darkness as a blindfold/eyemask is placed over my head and slid into place just above my braid "Safewords?" Master questions impatiently as he pulls my braid over my shoulder and rests it on the front of my body.

"R-Red and Yellow, M-Master" I answer shakily as my hair tickles my sensitive nipples before I gasp as I feel my panties, slowly being peeled down my legs until they rest on my spread thighs, he walks away once again which loud footsteps before he returns with a soft implement which he trails across my stomach and thighs, purposely avoiding the place that I want him to go. I whimper quietly as he ceases all contact for, what feels like hours before I lean into his touch when he touches my braid with his warm hand.

Master continues to gently run his hand over my braid before suddenly pulling away, I take a deep breath before I gasp when I feel a sharp smack on my inner thigh with, I assume a crop which slowly lands stinging but not painful smacks up my thighs before finally reaching the area that i've been silently pleading him to reach but he chooses to stop suddenly and pull away once again"

"M-Master please!" I plead loudly as I attempt to arch my body towards him before I squeal when I feel a sharp smack on the back of my thigh which i'm surprised Master could reach considering im shackled onto the wooden cross but, then again, I was leaning forward pretty far.

"Stay still! This is not for pleasure, Miss Williams" Master scolds angrily and I nod before leaning back against the cold wood as he begins trailing the crop across my thighs but stops and rubs it over a previous mark on my inner thigh. I wince and squirm slightly but keep quiet because i'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice, I blink underneath the mask as I hear a strange strangled sob and a whispered 'I can't do this' before I frown as I hear a clatter and I fall forward slightly into Master's hold as my arms are released from the cuffs.

"M-Master?" I question in confusion as my ankles are released before the blindfold is eased off my eyes and over my head, I don't dare to look up at Master but I can sense that there is something different about him.

"Get dressed" Master orders quickly as he throws the eye-mask onto the ground before shutting off the soft music and stalking over to the door "Now!" Master adds a moment later when he realizes that I haven't moved and I quickly replace my panties before walking over to the door and picking up my clothes, I don't feel comfortable sitting on the bed to get dressed and decide to sit on the floor instead as my mind swims with confusion.


	13. One Step Back

I mechanically pull on my clothes as I try to pin-point the mistake that I must have made to upset Master so badly but I can't think of anything that he couldn't have dealt with, I reach up to my shoulder and pull out the hair tie which is keeping my braid in place before I push myself up onto my shaky legs and slowly walk out into the hall. I retrace my steps that I took barely half-an-hour ago before I notice Master standing in the kitchen with both hands running through his hair. I must have really messed up but then why make me leave the playroom? Is that my punishment, making me leave? I feel the corners of my eyes sting with tears as I think about that possibility and realize that it would probably be the worst punishment that he could choose because my mind and body aches when I am away from Master.

I unsurely close the distance between us and drop to my knees at his side "I'm sorry, Master. I'm sorry that I disobeyed and upset you but I promise it'll never happen again. I'll accept any punishment, just please don't send me away. I need you Master" I plead hopefully as hot tears fill my eyes and I reach out to latch onto his leg but he pulls out of my reach before I get the chance, I don't fight the tears that fall down my cheeks but blink in surprise when Master squats down in front of me and puts his hand under my chin to make me meet his gaze.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Leila" Master argues in a gentle tone which I rarely hear from him "I should never have agreed to punish you, I should have helped you but I chose control instead and I lost everything" Master whispers quietly and I tilt my head in confusion because I don't understand, how could he have lost anything? "Stay here" Master orders and I nod silently before I panic when I hear him call for Sawyer who's footsteps assault my ears within a matter of seconds.

I blink as I hear Sawyer and Master begin to speak in hushed tones and lean back slightly as I attempt to hear their conversation.

"Sir? Are you alright?"

"Yes, i'm fine. I want you book Miss Williams into a hotel, escort her to her out-patients appointment tomorrow and then get her on a fucking plane back home" Master orders quietly and my eyes widen as I feel like someone has plunged a dagger of ice into my stomach.

"Are you sure that you don't want me to contact the police, Mr Grey?"

"No" Master answers quickly "She's ill and bringing the police into it won't help anything" Master adds and I feel my head drop even further as I wrap my arms around my myself, he obviously still cares about me but then, why is he sending me away? "I'm as much to blame as she is, I should have fucking refused and got her home when I first saw her in the hallway" Master vents angrily and I can imagine his hair, once again, baring the brunt of his frustration and anger as he tugs at it. I want to speak up and assure Master that he didn't do anything wrong and this is destiny but my throat feels dry, not to mention that my head is still spinning from my sudden dismissal.

"I have to advise that we involve the police, Sir. Especially after the stunt that she pulled last time" Sawyer advises quietly and I frown, why would I do anything like that again? I have spoken to Master and that's all I wanted although my plan has taken a sudden turn but it will still work, it has to.

"Don't you understand? I fucking caused this!" I jump when I hear something smash nearby and raise my gaze slightly until it lands on the shattered remains of an unfamiliar table lamp, I can only assume that Master's anger has gotten the best of him and my suspicions are confirmed as I see his feet pacing backwards and forwards at the corner of my eye "She used to be so lively, happy and spirited. I caused this and I am going to sort it without police interference, i've lost Ana but maybe I can save Leila" Master says firmly and I feel a warmth spread through my body because it proves that he still wants to look after me, he just has to realize it himself and then everything will be back to the way that it should be.

"I'll sort out the best psychiatrist to see her when she gets home. I want you to stick to her until glue like then and make sure that she leaves this city. Understood?" I blink in surprise I hear Master calm, confident voice, a complete contrast to his mood only a few moments ago which never fails to make my head spin.

"Yes Sir"

"I want you to be careful with her, she's highly unstable and I don't know how she'll react to any situation although I doubt that she'll-" I hear Master's voice suddenly lower which stops me from being able to hear the rest of the sentence but I can guess that they are talking about my wrist. I lift my wrist slightly and rub my other hand over the bandage, why does everyone seem so disgusted and awkward about it? Everyone has scars, whether physical or emotional and they all tell a story, like photographs in a strange way but yet everyone hides scars and classes them as ugly even Master although I never found out the story behind his scars. I smile weakly as I realize that I will soon have that to share with Master, which is something that the-girl-who-looks-like-me will never have.

"Don't worry, Sir. I'm sure that I can handle it"

"Keep me updated and don't leave her alone for more a few seconds, do not underestimate her" Master warns quietly and I have to fight the proud smile that tugs at the corners of my lips, I know that Master isn't being complimentary with that comment but he will come to realize that it was all for a good reason "Book her a hotel for the night, escort her to her out-patients appointment in the morning and then get her out of the city" I hear Master's voice grow slightly higher as his footsteps slowly walk over to me.

"Raise your head, Leila" Master orders gently and I quickly obey before I blink as my eyes lock with Master's hurt, sad and almost defeated gaze. I feel a small surge of anger pulse through my body as I think about the damage and hurt that she had caused Master, she has made him really smile but she has also made him hurt, I blink as Master's phrase 'Pain and pleasure, both sides of the same coin' suddenly floats into my mind although surely the happiness that she gives him isn't worse this upset and the difference in my normally, strong, self-assured and dominant Master.

"I'm sorry, I should never have agreed to punish you" Master apologizes again in the same gentle tone and my eyes shine as confused tears fill my eyes.

"B-but I need i-it, Master" I protest quickly in a voice, no louder than a whisper "It d-doesn't feel right w-without you. You m-make everything make s-sense" I explain shakily as my voice cracks and tears trickle down my cheeks. I can see the questioning look in Master grey eyes and I know that I could bring him back but I don't have enough time. I've lost him.

"No, you don't need this" Master argues sternly and I feel my heavy heart lift, ever so slightly, as I hear his stern tone "You are a wonderful, smart, creative and competent girl, you can cope perfectly well on your own and you need to realize that i'm no good for you" Master adds gently "I'm no good for anyone" I gasp when I hear Master's quiet whisper and immediately try to think of a way to show him that he's wrong but he steps up, out of my gaze a moment later and my head drops into my hands as tears trickle down my cheeks.

I shake my head hoping that I can make this all go away before I look over my shoulder when I hear unfamiliar footsteps walking towards me before I glare up at Sawyer who is looking down at me uncertainly, as if worried about my next move which causes a smile to pull at the corners of my lips "Miss Williams" Sawyer says quietly as he offers out his hand to help me up but I refuse to take it and instead just stay kneeling in position hoping that Master will change his mind.

"Leila, stand up please" Master orders quietly from behind me and I reluctantly push myself up onto my feet, my mind on autopilot although every part of my body is screaming at me to disobey and stay in position before I glare at Sawyer when he grasps my arm and puts his other arm around my waist before attempting to escort me out of the building. It takes me a second for my mind and body to catch-up with everything before I suddenly attempt to pull out of his vice-like grip.

"Master please, don't!" I plead desperately as Sawyer drags me out of the apartment, I struggle and try to pull out of his strong grip that he has locked around my wrist and waist and manage to slip out of the grip that he has on my waist but he isn't relenting with the grip on my wrist "I need you, Master!" I call out quickly as I feel myself pulled back against Sawyer who lifts me up and carries me out of the door. I try to grip onto the door but my fingertips only brush the side and the last thing I see is Master troubled, apologetic and hurt gaze staring back at me before turning and walking away.

* * *

A few moments later I hear the elevator 'ding' behind me before I dragged into it. I am no longer fighting and simply lay limply in Sawyers arms, I can still feel my lips mouthing the loud pleas that I had just called out to Master but they are silent this time because I know that Master cannot hear me although I don't think that he truly heard me in the apartment. The-girl-who-looks-like-me has hurt and confused him but he still blames himself, why would she want to do that to him?

I am put down onto my feet as soon as we are inside and I slide down the mirrored wall as I pull my legs up to my chest before burying my face in my knees, I lazily wipe my hand across my tear-stained cheeks before wrapping them around my legs, hoping to make myself feel as small as possible.

Sawyer coughs awkwardly above me and I slowly raise my head to look up at him. I hate him, why did he have to ruin everything that Master and I had? I was so close and he had no business in interfering "Why?" I question softly as I tilt my head ever so slightly to the left and study his expression which seems worried, confused and possibly annoyed.

"I was only following orders, Miss Williams" Sawyer answers curtly which confuses me but I don't voice my confusion and just nod instead although my mind is racing as I try to understand his answer. Did Master really not want me there? I reach up and twirl a lock of hair around my finger as I replay the painful events of minutes earlier before my eyes widen when I remember Master's muttering in the playroom.

'I can't do this, I lost her because of this. She's too good for me'

I blink as the elevator doors open and Sawyer puts his hand out for me to go ahead, I can feel his eyes watching me, probably expecting me to run but I don't intend to run. I need to make another plan and show Master that the-girl-who-looks-like-me isn't good enough for him and I have the perfect opportunity now that she decided to leave him.

I don't have the strength to stand up and I don't want to break out of my safe cocoon, I wrap my arms tighter around my legs and wait to see what Sawyer is planning to do next, part of me hopes that the elevator will just close and take me back up to Master again before I frown when he scoops me into his arms and carries me towards the car. I'm forced to release the grip on my legs as I have to wrap them around his neck before i'm placed into the back of the car, I look down as my bare feet touch the leather covering of the seats and realize that I couldn't really have gotten in the car without Sawyers help "Don't forget your seat-belt, Ma'am" Sawyer says quietly and I smile knowing that Master would be furious if he knew that I was in a car without my seat-belt on, I reach over and pull the seat-belt on as I silently convince myself that this is just another sign that Master cares about me. Even if he won't fully admit it to himself, right now.

"Aren't you going to put your shoes and socks on, Ma'am?" Sawyer questions curiously as he glances at me in the mirror but I simply shake my head in response, belatedly wondering how my shoes and socks managed to get here when I took them off before I entered the apartment. I assume that it's simply Escala trying to help me one again and turn around to look up at it before mouthing a 'thank you', it seems crazy that an inanimate object like a building could help me but I have felt it and I know that it's real. I like the feeling of my bare feet on the leather although I know that I can't leave the car without putting them on but I don't really want to leave the car. I want to go back to Master and show him that I can make him happy, i'm just not sure how to do that yet.

I look out of the window as the city whizzes by and begin to think about Susi. I know that I need a good explanation for vanishing, again, part of me wants to tell her the truth and explain everything but i'm scared that if I tell her then she won't understand and she'll just want to 'help me' like everyone else. Susi understands the attraction of Master, much like every other woman, but she easily moved on and I thought that I had too until I lost my husband and my lover in a matter of months, it was then I realized that I need Master's guidance because nothing bad happened while I was with Master, he kept me safe.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, we pull up outside a hotel and I lean forward slightly to take in all the details of the building. It's small, quiet and looks very good from the outside, I'm surprised that Master didn't choose a big, expensive hotel but he knows that I prefer quieter, cosier places compared to grand entryways.

"Here we are. I hope that you like the hotel, it wasn't easy to find a room at such short notice" Sawyer explains quietly and i'm surprised at his calm tone as if this is something that happens every day, he opens my door but I simply pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them before I shake my head "Is there anything wrong, Ma'am?" Sawyer questions as he looks at me confused and I tilt my head in response because it should be obvious, shouldn't it?.

"I'm not going inside, I want to go back to Master, I don't want to stay here" I argue firmly although I know that Master ordered him to do it. I just need a little more time with Master to show him the obvious truth about us.

"You should get some sleep, Miss Williams" Sawyer replies gently which causes me to look up at him in surprise because I was expecting him to simply pull me out and drag me inside. I watch his expression for a few seconds before I sigh and slowly pull on my shoes and socks as my mind tries to understand why he is being calm and kind when he cruelly separated me from my Master earlier, unless he was telling the truth and that he was truly just following Master's orders.

I wiggle my feet which feel hot and uncomfortable, now covered in socks and shoes before I pull my trench-coat tighter around my thin body. I reach up with my left hand and pull my hair out from under my trench-coat before I tentatively climb out of the car and look up at the dark sky above me.

I know that I am lucky to still be a free woman instead of holed up in a police cell for entering Master's home without permission but one question sits in the back of my mind. Why?, If Master truly wants nothing more to do with me then why would he go to all this hassle instead of just having me locked up in jail.

I shrug and push the worries into the back of my mind for the moment as I walk towards the entrance of the hotel before I turn when Sawyer coughs awkwardly once again.

"I'll be here to collect you in the morning, Ma'am" Sawyer says finally and I tilt my head in confusion as I give him a questioning gaze "You have your outpatients appointment and then I am to escort you to the airport" Sawyer explains a moment later and I frown as I remember Master's orders but he didn't mean it, right?

"You don't have to worry about that, I don't think that Ma-Mr Grey was serious" I answer chuckling and quickly correct myself because I know that Master doesn't like me to refer to him as such outside, especially where I could be heard.

"I have to follow my orders, Ma'am" Sawyer replies calmly and I frown but decide not to argue about it because Master always has a good reason although I really don't want to go to the outpatients appointment tomorrow and I have no idea how to get out of the airport. I sigh and walk into the hotel before checking in at reception and being led up to my room for the night, all my clothes are at Susi's which means that I am stuck wearing these clothes until I can get back to her apartment which is only going to lead to even more problems especially if I can't manage to lose Sawyer.

I push open the door to my room a few moments later and smile as I look around, it is a good sized room with a small living room area at the left hand side wall and a good sized bathroom that appears to be accessible by the bedroom, I spot a large set of double glass, sliding doors and immediately walk over to them before I step out onto a square area of stone, I look down at my feet and I'm glad that they are covered by my shoes because I can see many small stones making their way across the ground. I walk out a little further and tilt my head back to look up at the higher floors and blink when I notice that they all have balconies although I'm not surprised that I was put in a ground floor room because Sawyer was probably worried that I'd do something stupid. I giggle at the thought before I step back into the room and close the doors behind me, I decide to have a warm shower before going to sleep because even though I know that I am not under contract I can't bring myself to break the sleeping rule.


	14. A Meeting of Minds

I stretch my arms out above my head as I yawn before I turn onto my back and rub my eyes, I blink at the harsh sunlight pouring through the nearby window before I jump in surprise when the phone on the bedside table rings. I tentatively reach over and sleepily pick up the receiver before I smile when I hear a cheery voice on the other end of the phone, I assume that it must be an employee at the hotel.

"Good Morning, Miss Williams. This is your 7.30 am wake-up call"

"Wake-up call?" I repeat in confusion "B-But I never asked for a wake-up call" I add quickly as I push myself onto my side and hold the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry. There was a wake-up call requested when the room was booked by a…Mr Luke Sawyer?"

"That makes sense" I say sighing as I reluctantly push myself up into a sitting position because I know that I'll never get back to sleep now.

"Good. Breakfast will be served downstairs in the dining room until 10am or you can have breakfast in bed"

"Really?" I reply as my eyes widen in surprise when she mentions breakfast in bed but I assume that Master has already settled the bill which means that I'll pretty much be able to get whatever I want. I intend to leave straight after breakfast however before Sawyer or Master even get the chance to arrive "Breakfast in bed would be great, if that's alright" I answer quietly as I get slightly more comfortable in my bed and plan my escape route.

"Of course. We'll bring you up a cooked breakfast and selection of cereals soon"

"Thank y-" I stop suddenly when I hear a knock on my door, surely they couldn't be that fast, could they? I put the receiver down and climb out of bed before I walk over to the door in the same clothes that I was wearing yesterday, I pull down my sleeve to cover my bandage, which really needs to be changed before I open the door.

"Good morning, Ma'am" Sawyer greets me quietly before he holding out a bag "Mr Grey asked me to bring you a change of clothes"

"Huh?" I question surprised as I take the plastic bag from him and glance up at him suspiciously "I-I thought that Master-" I pause and frown when he flinches at my choice of address for Master "_Mr Grey _was upset, after yesterday" I reluctantly correct myself and squirm as I ask my question because I hate the thought of Master being annoyed, angry or upset with me. I know that _upset _is probably an understatement but I have to help Master to see, exactly what I can see.

"It's not my place to comment, Ma'am" Sawyer answers as he skilfully avoids answering my question. I haven't forgotten that he tried to persuade Master to call the police last night which explains his feelings about my 'visit' to Master but he just doesn't understand "I am here to escort you to your outpatients appointment then to the airport"

"I see. When is my appointment?"

"10.30 and your flight is booked for 2pm" Sawyer replies simply before he pulls out his phone and turns away from me. I glare at his retreating back before I slam the door shut and walk back over to the bed, I throw myself down on it and lay back before throwing my arm over my eyes blocking out the world, I feel like I'm fighting an internal battle with myself because I long to please Master and follow his orders but I am terrified about going to this outpatients appointment and their way of 'helping' me.

Why can't Master understand that we can help each other? I can be everything that the-girl-who-looks-like-me is and I can satisfy his needs, he can give me the direction and guide that I need in life. I feel hot tears of frustration fill my eyes as I think about my day ahead but refuse to give up yet. Master and I are meant to be together and I will make him realize that, especially since the-girl-who-looks-like-me decided to walk out on him which I can't believe she even contemplated doing.

I reluctantly push myself off the comfy bed and drag my feet into the bathroom before I reach inside the shower and carefully adjust the temperature of the water, I hiss as the water splashes against my injured wrist and quickly pull it out of the shower before adjusting my bandage to cover part of my injury that had been uncovered while I was sleeping. I strip of all my clothes a moment later and climb into the shower before I lean my head back and let the water flow over my hair and forehead, I don't flinch as the warm droplets of water make their way down the sides of my cheeks and merge with my tears as it feels oddly calming and soothing although it does nothing to help me with my problems about Master.

* * *

I emerge from the shower twenty minutes later and wrap a warm, fuzzy towel around my body and another around my hair before I walk back into the bedroom and sit down on the edge of the bed, I lift my soaking wet, bandage covered arm and rest on my towel covered lap before I gently begin to unwrap my arm. I belatedly realize that I should have unwrapped my arm before entering the shower and wince as I pull the bandage away from my wrist and frown as the scars slowly come into view because I know that they are never going to fade, they are going to be there forever as a memory, a regret, a reminder of that night.

I quickly reach up and adjust the towel around my head which had slipped down slightly and fell down over my eyes before I just pull it off my head and throw it down onto the bed, I squirm as my wet hair drips down my shoulders and pull it all over my right shoulder before I turn my attention to the bag that Luke brought in earlier. I peek inside and pull out the contents of the bag and blink in surprise when I notice that there is a new roll of bandages and cream to help my scars before I look through the clothes, I pull out a mint green thin strap t-shirt, pale pink jumper, a pair of grey jogging pants and a clean bra and underwear.

I shrug at Master choice of clothes, although I assume that it was probably Taylor or Sawyer that actually bought them, before I pick up the yellow bottle of cream and squirt some onto my hand, I don't really want to use it or re-bandage my wrist but I can't bring myself to disobey Master especially since I am still trying to prove to Master than I am better for him than the-girl-who-looks-like-me. I gently rub the white cream over my scars and hiss as they sting momentarily before I pick up the white bandage and begin to carefully wrap it around my wrist and forearm which hides my injuries from view.

Fifteen minutes later I'm fully dressed and tug at the sleeves of my new pink jumper before I jump when I hear a knock on the door followed by a cheery female voice announcing that my breakfast has arrived, I slowly walk over to the door and open it before I smile as a woman, around my age with blonde hair steps into the room holding a tray, I glare at Luke through the partially open door but give the blonde woman a small smile as she leaves the tray on top of the small table in the corner of the room before quickly leaving the room.

I glance at the tray and blink but don't walk any further towards it, I don't feel as hungry as earlier and I don't think that I can concentrate on eating especially with the outpatients appointment looming over me. I could escape and hide at Susi's until everything calms down but I doubt that Master will be happy until i'm out of the city, not to mention I can't disobey him especially since he specifically ordered me to go today and be honest. Why can't Master see what I see so clearly? He obviously wanted to be with me, why does he fight it?

I sigh as hot tears sting my eyes before my attention is drawn to the door when I hear Luke talking, I cross the small distance to the wall next to the door and put my ear up against it, the sound is muffled but the walls are pretty thin which means that I can hear part of the conversation.

"No Sir, she hasn't left her room" Luke answers calmly and I almost feel my heart leap out of my chest when I realize that Master must be on the other side of the phone "I promise that she won't leave my sight until she's on the plane, Mr Grey" Luke adds after a pause and I tilt my head in thought as an idea quickly forms in my mind but I don't have much time to think about it before the male voice interrupts my thoughts "I don't think I-" Luke stops mid-sentence and I can only imagine that he said something that Master didn't like "Yes Sir, i'll handle it" Luke counters a moment later and I blink curiously, what is Master so concerned about?

I jump a moment later as I hear him knock on the door before Luke pops his head into the room and looks around until his eyes finally settle on me.

"What?" I question sharply as I walk across the room and sit down on the edge of the bed.

"You haven't touched your breakfast" Luke comments awkwardly as he motions towards the tray on the table, filled with tea, coffee, fruit juice, a cooked breakfast and a few small boxes of cereal and milk.

"I'm not hungry" I answer automatically.

"Mr Grey would prefer that you eat before your appointment today" Luke explains gently which causes my eyes to widen and expression to soften which explains the call that I heard earlier and proves that Master truly cares about me.

"Oh" I answer gently before walking over and sitting down at the table, my stomach protests at the sight of the food but I just try to ignore it "Did Master say anything else?" I ask curiously as I pick at the toast and roll my eyes when I see him flinch because I called him Master.

"No. I'll leave you eat your breakfast and i'll just be outside" Luke replies quickly and exits the room, I blink at his quick departure before I reluctantly turn back to my food as my body swims with happiness at the reminder of Master proving that he still cares about me.

* * *

"Come in, Miss Williams" I look up and frown when I see a man holding open the door across from me, I assume that he is the psychologist that I have been dragged here to see and instantly study his expression and features, he has short dark brown hair with a smattering of grey, understanding green eyes and a curious expression which only makes me want to shut down quicker but I know that I have to at least try because Master ordered me to and I want to please him.

I slowly push myself off the chair up onto my shaky legs before I walk across the room and step inside the room, I blink in surprise as I look around because it doesn't look anything like I first expected although it does have a relaxing atmosphere. I can feel the psychologist's eyes on me, so I walk further into the room before sitting down on a large cream, fabric couch which is side facing a large leather chair while the window behind me streaming light into the room.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Williams" I reply silently with a small smile because I refuse to give anything away unless he asks me a direct question. I have to answer his questions honestly but that doesn't mean that I have to say anything that he doesn't specifically ask, I need to be careful because i'm sure that he has the power to commit me to 'help me' better and I cannot allow that to happen, not when Master is so close to realizing that we are meant to spend our lives together "My name is Doctor Brown but you can call me Robert, if you prefer" I nod silently in response before I lean forward slightly as he reaches down the left side of his chair and picks up a large black, leather folder, he pulls out a pen and flips the book open revealing a pad of paper and another printed sheet of paper with lines of information, I assume about me.

I look down at my feet which are trapped inside my shoes and I wish that I could pull them off and allow my feet to breathe but I know that anything I do will be watched and scrutinized, so I just cross my ankles and continue to remind myself that no one will understand that I just like to do things slightly differently and that I don't need their help.

"Do you prefer to be called Leila or Miss Williams?" Dr Brown questions gently and I shrug as I try to appear easy-going because I really don't care which he chooses, I just want to be out of here "I'll use Leila then, it's more informal" Dr Brown adds a moment later and smiles at me before glancing back down at his paper "I just want to let you know that anything and everything that you say here is confidential and won't be shared with anyone, i'm sure you know that Mr Grey is paying for this but he will only be informed about your progress today" My eyes immediately shoot up to meet his when he mentions Master and I blink in surprise when he explains that he won't be told anything because I never realized that although I doubt that it would stop me being committed if he felt that it was necessary.

"It says here that you injured yourself in Mr Grey's home, only a matter of days ago. Would you like to speak about that?"

No, I don't want to speak to you about anything but I know that I have to.

"I had went to the apartment to speak to Ma-" I stop suddenly and look up at Doctor Brown worriedly but amazingly he seems to have not noticed my slip and simply gives me an encouraging smile, I look away and gently tap my feet on the carpeted floor "Mr Grey but he wasn't there, it was only his housekeeper and his security"

"I see. What happened next?"

"Gail, the housekeeper, explained that he wasn't there and I got slightly" I pause momentarily as I try to choose the right word "Upset" I explain carefully and watch out the corner of my eye as he raises his eyebrow before scribbling on his pad "Next thing I knew, I had a knife in my hand and it just seemed easier to have physical pain that emotional pain" I add absent-mindedly and mentally kick myself when I realize that i've revealed more than I first intended to.

"You had a relationship with Mr Grey a few years ago, correct?" Doctor Brown questions and I nod slowly as I wonder where he going with this "Then you got married but left your husband for another man who died in a car crash. Did you or have you thought about getting counseling about that?" I frown as I feel tears sting my eyes, why would I want to talk to anyone about that? I know that it happened for a good reason and I think that he would agree, if he could see how happy that Master and I are going to be together.

I watch as he waits for my answer but I stay silent and just lock his gaze with my own, his nose twitches slightly before he drops his gaze and scribbles onto his pad "Have you ever tried to self-harm in the past?"

"No, why would I?" I counter defensively and I can see from his reaction that i've surprised him but he simply offers me an understanding smile and leans forward in his chair "I only asked because some people who have self-harmed in the past, often turn back to it when they are scared, angry or confused" Doctor Brown explains gently. I find myself twirling a piece of hair around my finger as I listen to him before my expression drops back into annoyance when he turns the conversation back to my 'unscheduled' visit to Master.

"Can you explain why you entered Mr Grey's apartment, again, last night?" Dr Brown asks curiously and I let a nervous giggle escape as I watch his pen hover over his pad, hoping for something interesting or confusing that he can elaborate on.

"I had to talk to him" I answer simply as I shrug and nervously begin to tap my feet on the floor, again.

"About what?"

"I wanted to thank him" I reply smiling as my body begins to sway slightly from side to side, while I make sure to follow the same story that I told Susi "He paid for my art school and I wouldn't have been able to go otherwise" I add quickly but frown as I watch him gently tap his pen against his mouth, clearly finding a flaw in my explanation.

"I see, but then why didn't you simply phone up and request to meet with him instead of breaking into his home"

"I didn't break into his home!" I argue angrily as I move forward slightly in my seat and begin to rock slightly, without noticing it until my eyes narrow slightly when the doctor sitting across from me suddenly scribbles notes onto his pad only pausing to glance up at me.

"Do you do that often?"

"Maybe" I answer automatically and mentally scold myself because I know that jumping and acting defensive isn't going to help my case, I take a deep breath and lower my feet back onto the floor which had began to slide up onto the couch to allow my arms to slip around them and create my cocoon of safety. I can't do that however, not if I want to convince the psychologist that this was a one time, impulsive event.

"It happens when I feel scared or nervous" I admit quietly and blink when Doctor Brown's surprised expression flicks up to meet my own "I guess i've done it ever since I was a little kid" I add quickly as I shrug and giggle nervously before I lean over slightly as he, once again, begins to take notes which are just far enough away to make it impossible to read them.

"Thank you" Doctor Brown says a few moments later as he lays his pen down on his pad and it's my turn to look up at him in surprise and slightly confusion "I appreciate your honesty" Doctor Brown adds with a small smile and I feel my lips turning slightly at the corners to return it, although I still don't fully trust him especially when he flips his pad of paper over onto the left side of his notebook before flicking through paper and different coloured folders until he stops at a green folder, pulls it out and places it on top of the pad of paper which he simply flips back into place "I have a bit of information about your childhood here" I tilt my head as he explains this and nervously begin to twirl a piece of hair around my finger although I doubt that there will be anything of interest because I had a pretty normal childhood.

"Interesting" Doctor Brown mutters quietly and I squirm nervously on the chair as he continues to make other sounds and mutters but nothing to actually indicate his thoughts or feelings about the information in the file. I wish I could just run into the waiting room and hide in the play house that's sitting in the waiting room but I am far too big and I don't want to draw attention to myself especially since I want to get out of here and not end up in a psychiatric hospital for the foreseeable future.

"I see that you've always had a talent for art" Doctor Brown comments and I shrug silently hoping that he doesn't want a long conversation about it because I know that he would only be making small talk to try and get me relaxed, to make me open up about the reason that i'm really here "What were the names of your husband and partner?" I blink at the sudden change in conversation and giggle when I notice that Master tends to do that to, is it just a man thing?

"Matt and Geoff" I answer tentatively "Why?" I question suddenly as I reach down and rub my ankle which is feeling hot and itchy.

"Hmm..."

Oh fuck. I instantly know that i've made a mistake here and nervously pick at invisible threads on the fabric couch while he annoyingly taps his pen on the folder thoughtfully.

"I noticed that you call everyone by their first name except for Mr Grey" Doctor Brown comments and I can feel a blush stain my cheeks as I look away and continue twirling the same lock of hair around my finger while I attempt to come up with an explanation that wouldn't encourage him to ask further questions.

"Do I?" I ask innocently, my mind races as I try to think of a way to get out of this or change the topic of conversation because this would affect Master too.

"Yes, at the start of the appointment, you spoke about-" Doctor Brown pauses as he lifts his pad out from under my file and scans it "Gail, Mr Grey's housekeeper and then you spoke about your husband and your partner, both of whom you spoke about by their first name but yet you do the opposite when you speak about Mr Grey"


End file.
