Fullmetal Alchemist Happy Holidays

AN: Just a little drabble from Tumblr. A little gift of RoyAi for the holidays. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA

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Happy Holidays

The Roy Mustang Holiday Special

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Holidays. The time of year when the miserable and alone were reminded of it by the people who cared for them. Roy Mustang was one of these miserable people and Maes Hughes was the individual guilty of reminding his best friend of everything he didn't have.

Sure, that's not what Maes intended. His intentions were to include his lonely and brooding best friend in the Hughes family festivities and share the joy of the holidays with him. Ironically, it made him hate himself more since he was miserable _because_ Hughes was happy; Happy showcasing his perfect family when all Roy really wanted to do was go drown himself in a bottle of bourbon.

"So today's agenda." Hughes started to scribble on Elicia's toy dry erase board as he talked. "First, I sighed you up for the 'Benefit Bachelor Auction' so we can get you a date that actual pays for you...not the other way around."

Roy wondered if those dry erase markers were combustible. They smelled like they had some alcohol in them, it was plausible. "I don't pay for it. Never had to."

"Next." Hughes ignored him and watched Elicia walk in with holiday cookies and offer some to Roy. "You take your 'date' ice skating."

"Yay!" Elicia shoved the plate onto her Uncle Roy's lap and crawled up on the couch with him. She grabbed her Mom's purse and dug around for a comb. She was going to make Uncle Roy's hair pretty for his date. "I can't wait to ice skate! Did you see my new ice skates Uncle Roy? They have purple unicorns on them."

Roy looked down at the cookies and noticed she had decorated the gingerbread men like Ed and Al. "It's not cold enough for ice to have formed on the lake at the park."

"The Freezing Alchemist took care of that!" Maes said and looked to his buddy who was now having his hair brushed and braided by Elicia. "OH MY GOD! SHE'S SO CUTE!"

Roy eyed the dry erase board. If he could just get over to that marker and the board he could draw a transmutation circle. Really nothing short of human transmutation would get him out of this holiday hell, so why not? He could just refuse to leave the gate, therefore nothing would be taken from him. In fact this Truth guy, the 'creepy little asshole' that Ed spoke of, sounded like he might need a little dose of Hughes Holiday Hell to readjust his wicked sense of justice. Yup, it was sounding better and better. Nothing to lose just this awful, lonely miserable season. He looked up as something sparkled in front of his eyes. "Elicia, is that glitter?"

"Yes." She replied. "Mommy bought me glitter for the stockings I made so I have some left over."

Roy looked at the stockings on the mantle, names sparkling on the white fur on the tops of the stockings. Fantastic. Oh no, it got better. Hughes had the camera.

The click of the camera alerted Gracia that things were probably disintegrating in the family room. So she walked in and saw Elicia sprinkling glitter on Roy, the cookies, couch and floor. "Oh honey, no."

Roy's eyes lit up. Was he saved?

"This isn't edible and now I have to vacuum again." Gracia walked over and grimaced. "Oh dear, it also makes your Uncle Roy look like he has gray hairs."

Roy watched his cookies disappear along with the little girl who was only half done braiding his glittery mop of hair. And he thought his week was complete when he had to kiss Fuery under the mistletoe because he started to cry that nobody found him attractive. Yes, just when he thought it couldn't get any worse he hoped on the train to Central to come spend time with his beloved family. "Look Hughes, I think I'll just spend the holiday with my Mom."

"That sir, is the ghost of Christmas Past." Hughes chuckled. "Ha! Get it?"

"Well she has a great party this time of year for people just like me to go watch strippers and drown our loneliness in booze." He shook out the glitter from his hair and frowned. "I hoped that it would be a stripper that got glitter on my lap but..."

"But you're staying here tonight," Hughes said. "Because you're family and you're going to celebrate the season with cheer and gifts."

"You're pimping me out at that Bachelor Benefit Auction." Roy snorted. "Exactly what do you think those women are paying for? I'll break your guest bed."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, it's raising money for the orphanage. Nobody is pimping you out, it's just about spending some time with a celebrity while ice skating and drinking hot chocolate." Maes gave him that 'why do you have to be such an asshole?' look that he had perfected over the years of being Roy's best friend.

"And sharing bodily warmth." Roy added and tried to get the knot out of his hair. Clearly Elicia needed braiding lessons. "Rubbing some liniment on ice skating bruises and soaking in the tub after busting our asses on the ice."

"Roy, can you please stop being an ass?"

"Maes, I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm hopeless." Roy huffed and finally dug in Gracia's purse for a mirror or compact to get the lump out of his hair. "I just want to hide away in the corner of Christmas's bar, crawl into my old bed alone and not wake up until the holidays are over. Can you make that my gift? Please?"

"No."

"Why are we friends again?" Roy closed his eyes. "You torture me like you're my enemy."

"You whine more than my four year old daughter." Hughes huffed. "Suck it up and deal with your family obligation to participate in holiday events."

"Can you disown me?" Roy asked. "Or at least get this knot out of my hair?"

* * *

"Hello generous people of Central!" Alex Armstrong's voice carried across the yard and half of the neighborhood as he greeted the guests. "Welcome to the 5th annual Benefit Bachelor Auction for the children of Central Orphanage!"

Roy looked into a mirror in the hall and made sure his bow tie was straight. His slick backed hair still sparkled a little, clearly that damned glitter wasn't coming out no matter what he did. Not that he cared that much, he wasn't really excited about being auctioned off to the highest bidder even if it was for charity. On the drive over Hughes chattered on about how it was some great publicity for him and a great cause. Also something about how he was an inspiration to the kids at the orphanage, since he lost his parents so young and still overcame the odds to be where he was today. Roy sat in the back seat of Hughes car, listening to the line of shit he was spewing while holding a stuffed bear and having a tea party with Elicia. All this before he was to be put on stage and sold off like a cheap whore. It was absurd but it was a typical Hughes outing. Somehow his best friend filed it all under 'helping'.

"Well maybe you do have some balls after all. I didn't think you'd show up for an event that took control of your social life out of your hands for a day."

Roy cocked an eyebrow and turned to see Olivier Armstrong standing in the hall in a stunning blue gown that sparkled with sequins. He gave her his seductive grin. "Going to bid on me? I thought you'd be more subtle about taking me to bed, Olivier, but if you like to pay for it...don't let me stop you."

"Like you're worth paying for." Oliver stepped forward and coolly replied, "I'm in the auction. I bet I'll bring way more money than you."

"Well we both know General Raven's pockets are deep." Roy snorted and watched her scowl.

"We both know what happens when Mrs. Bradley hits the eggnog and wants to add some holiday spice to her life." Oliver watched his face lose a little color. "Have to wonder if the bidder has exclusive rights to use their prize as they see fit, or if Fuhrer Bradley has to pay too if he participates."

Roy shook with disgust. "God, what is wrong with you. That's disgusting."

"It's what they did to Alex one year." Oliver smiled and watched teh Colonel think twice about standing his ground on this. He'd be in full retreat in less than a minute. "The Bradley's really make the most of the Fuhrer being sterile and that huge house of theirs. Have you read Mrs. Bradley's latest fanfiction?"

"You look great Olivier. A gem of femininity. " Roy smiled at her and then walked briskly down the hall to get away from her. He saw Mrs. Bradley at the buffet table and she lit up. He waved politely and scooted off to find Hughes. It was like he was being offered up for slaughter and not prostitution labelled as 'charity'.

Maes smiled as he saw Roy, grumpy as ever. "Hey Scrooge, what's wrong now?"

"If Mrs. Bradley bids on me, I'm burning this place down." Roy went to stand on the other side of Hughes, happy to have a taller friend for once. He'd hide in the man's shadow until the stud auction began.

"I'd be more worried about that weird old lady at the table giggling every time she sees you." Maes pointed to the ugly old woman in the purple dress, purple hat and a pink shawl wearing round glasses.

Roy looked over and saw the woman wave at him meekly and then giggle like a schoolgirl. "Dammit Hughes."

"Maybe you should seriously consider getting yourself a wife so you wouldn't be on the market anymore." Hughes flinched as Roy punched his shoulder way too hard. Then he hunched over as Roy put him in a 'friendly' headlock. "You're choking me."

"That's the idea."

"Roy, that's how Mrs. Bradley gets all those ideas about you." Maes coughed.

"Now boys..." Gracia said as she walked up and say the two roughhousing, "This is a party and there is no room for any of that."

Roy let go and rolled his eyes. "The least you could have done is not wear that purple pimp shirt here. Makes me feel dirty as we talk about Grandma over there undressing me with her eyes."

Gracia fixed her husband's tie and smoothed out his jacket. Then she went over to Roy and brushed some glitter off his jacket and patted him on the shoulder. "It's for a good cause."

"I am very aware of the many _goods_ involved in the world of prostitution," Roy replied. "And none of it is tax deductible."

"What lovely Holiday spirit you have Roy." Gracia huffed.

Roy ignored the flirtatious wave from Grandma Fangirl and looked around the room for some real holiday cheer. Perhaps something that came in 80 proof and served in a glass and not purple polyester and wrinkles. He let his mind linger monetarily to Hawkeye and wondered what she was doing right now. He quickly suppressed that, there was no need to think on that before he could make it to the bar later tonight. If Hughes hinted at his affection for Hawkeye one more time he was probably going to do more than put him in a mock choke hold. "Well looks like the auction is about to begin. Lucky me."

"Make sure you work that smirk of yours, that should up your worth." Maes said and elbowed him. "Showcase that pucker in your pants too, make sure to lord it over the woman in the front row."

"I hate you." Roy grumbled and reluctantly started to walk to where the Armstrongs were preparing to walk up on stage. Alex had already taken his shirt off. The day just kept getting better and better.

* * *

Ice skating in Central was a holiday tradition. Even in years when the temperature didn't drop low enough to freeze the lake in Central Park the State stepped forward and produced an alchemist who could get the job done. Issac McDougal was that man, the Freezing Alchemist who was glad to have a festive reason to showcase his talents. Roy watched the other alchemist explain to Elicia how he could freeze the water_ with the holiday lights in it. _It was an elaborate display this year, the corps of engineers had recreated the crest of Amestris in holiday lights on the already frozen ice, then another layer of water was added so Frosty the Magic Iceman could put on a show and freeze that layer while the army band played. The frozen white ice was a great backdrop for the lights and the thin layer of exceptionally pure water allowed the lights to shine through as everyone skated around enjoying the incredible display.

Well almost everyone.

Roy sat alone on the park bench and scrutinized every aspect of the ceremony. Bradley had perfectly orchestrated a public event for the citizens of Amestris to see the lights and also the grand power of the military. Every branch, from the engineers to the marching band had a part in today's ceremony. Now everyone could go home with warm and fuzzy memories of how their Fuhrer, and the army he commanded, had provided this amazing holiday event for them. _Bravo Bradley_.

He knew he was in an exceptionally bitter mood since the Auction this morning left him feeling terribly insecure and worried. Olivier and Alex Armstrong had both received much higher bids than him and he was shamelessly sulking about it. Worse, that creepy Granny was the one with the high bid and she sent him a note with a box of chocolates that said, "_Grand Hotel, Room 42, 9pm. Don't be late handsome."_

So here he sat, watching Maes and Gracia skate around holding hands and thinking about how he was going to be blinded tonight by some nude grandma. He hated being this bitter, he hated himself for not celebrating his best friend's perfect life with him. He was happy for Maes, but with each passing year it was a way to remind himself that he was getting older, nothing was being achieved and his own happiness was probably buried next to his idealism somewhere. It's what he deserved, but his heart still told him that everything would be different if Hawkeye was here. They didn't even have to be out there on the ice, just sitting here together was enough for them.

"Uncle Roy!" Elicia ran over and tugged on his hand. "Can you take me skating now? Mr. McDougal explained how he made the ice. I want to see it again!"

Oh, bonus. His niece also told him earlier he was _useless_ here because it was a lake they were skating on. _Water made him useless._ Awesome. She was probably going to be the one who had to put him in the nursing home years from now and settle his affairs when he died. His tombstone would read 'Here lies Roy Mustang, Useless when Wet.' and his rivals would walk by his grave giggling and laughing at him. Somehow he managed to put on a more adult and forcibly happy face for her, "Sure, kiddo."

"I made sure to ask Mr. McDougal if it was safe for you. Since you can't get wet." Elicia jumped on the bench to put her ice skates on. "He said it's Ok."

Roy gave the other alchemist a smile and hoped it came off as neutral and not hostile. Super. "Thanks for looking out for me kid."

"Well without Auntie Riza to babysit you, someone has to make sure you don't get in trouble."

Roy closed his eyes. Yes, spending the night with some old lady in the Grand Hotel was going to top off this day from hell just fine.

* * *

"Roy Boy, you're a little early." Madam Christmas watched her son slump over the bar as he claimed a newly vacated stool.

"It's been a rough day." He replied and pointed at a bottle on the wall. "I'll buy the bottle."

"Like hell you will." Chris set her hand on the bar and glared at him. "You're supposed to be at the Hughes. Why are you here now? I told you I needed you to work the bar during the show, that's not for three hours. You're no good to me drunk."

"Thanks Mom." Roy mumbled and let his hand fall against the mahogany bar top. "Hughes helped me start my prostitution career and my services aren't required until 9pm. So in the meantime I would like to kill off any feeling in my body before I have to turn myself over to an old lady wearing purple upholstery and a knitted shawl."

"Son, you worry me." Chris took another long drag on her cigarette and wondered how he got to be so damned dramatic.

"I'm not even exaggerating." Roy reached for a shot glass and turned it over. "So just a little something to stop my imagination from running wild?"

"Is this because you weren't worth as much as the Armstrongs?" Chris exhaled and blew smoke towards her shoulder to avoid blasting her boy in the face with nicotine. She already heard most of the gossip and she knew his pride was hurt. "Or that ridiculous display in Central Park with everyone in the military but you?"

He shrugged. "I just don't like the holidays."

"Why?" Chris asked. "Because I wouldn't get you a puppy when you were little?"

"No, I understood what you meant when you told me I couldn't have a dog because they howled at the noises that came from upstairs." Roy said nostalgically.

"Then it's because of Elizabeth?" Chris asked and watched the mention of her name cause a slight twinge on his face.

"No, we're not together." He sighed. _Or ever will be._

"Any women in your life?" Chris asked and leaned over to blow smoke in his face. She was going to make it very clear she wasn't interested in losing a seat for a paying customer if he was just looking for free therapy in the form of alcohol. "Other than that old lady who is paying you for sex?"

Roy frowned as the guys on the stools next to him chuckled and scooted away, the sound of their stools dragging on he floor thankfully downed out any comments. He looked at his foster Mom and huffed. "Mother, I am not serious about making prostitution my new profession."

"Well it stings a little that you didn't come to me first." Chris smirked. "It takes more than a tacky purple suit and some throwing knives to be a pimp."

"I'll pass that information on to Maes." Roy watched her laugh and slap the counter and turn to the wall to chose a drink for him. He stood up and noticed the guys beside him were avoiding looking at him. He knew that the conversation was meant to tell him that if he was going to stay he best get behind the bar where he wouldn't be a victim of her ridicule. So he walked over as he took off his jacket, hung it up and rolled up his sleeves to start bartending for the evening. He smiled as Chris ruffled his hair and gave him an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder.

"I'm proud of you boy, stop beating yourself up for everything. You can't get to the top if you keep tearing yourself down."

"Thanks Mom." Roy picked up a towel and threw it over his shoulder. For now, all he had to worry about was mixing drinks and later he'd help keep customer's hands off the strippers as they celebrated the Holidays at Madam Christmas's Bar. All the lonely men of Central, gathering for a night of nude women, loud music and plenty of booze to help them forget how alone they were. A very profitable idea, he just wished that he wasn't among the many miserable fools packing into the place and was just an observer. However he could see it in all of them, that desperate need to forget; and he understood all too clearly why they were all here.

* * *

It was time. 9pm. Time to let his hand do more than just hover over the door and actually strike it with his knuckles. He was going to have to knock and let his 'date' know he was here. Roy closed his eyes and suppressed a shudder as his hand hit the door. His left hand crushed the stems of the carnations he bought as his right hand knocked once more.

"Come in!"

Maybe his ears were playing tricks on him, that voice sounded like it originated from someone several decades, or maybe lifetimes, younger than the old woman at the auction. He reached for the doorknob, taking in a deep breathe before turning the brass handle and pushing the door open. He looked down, his feet not wanting to carry him over the threshold and to his obligation.

He pressed forward, his feet stepping on the plush carpet of the suite instead of the commercial carpet of the hall. He let go of the door and it closed behind him, that click sounding more like a prison door closing than that of an expensive hotel room. He continued to walk into the suite, expecting to be pounced on by some wrinkled woman at any second. However he didn't see her. There was dinner sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, some music from the radio filled the room and the lights were slightly dimmed. Now he knew why everyone liked the Grand Hotel, the place sure made you feel like you weren't just a cheap whore.

"Well, now you make me feel overdressed."

That voice he recognized instantly and he whipped around to look at the beautiful woman emerging from the bedroom. A gorgeous blond wearing a red velvet robe with fur trim. He stood there in awe, then he managed to remember where he was and why. "Riza?"

She walked over to him and smiled. "Who were you expecting?"

"An ugly old lady."

"My grandfather is a very ugly woman." She said.

"Grumman!?" Roy exclaimed and thought about it. "Oh my God! General Grumman bought me at an auction?"

She laughed. "And your Mom bought the room and apparently this really expensive looking lingerie."

"Tell me I'm not dreaming." He threw the flowers on the couch and took her hands in his. "Tell me that I wasn't drugged and am currently not hallucinating about you when you're really a creepy old lady."

She stepped closer and looked up at the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling fan. As soon as his eyes glanced up he immediate looked back into hers and she kissed him. For some reason she didn't need much coaxing today. Hearing his family and friends tell her how miserable he was and how badly the auction went made her heart ache for him. Granted her Grandfather told her everything while cackling and wiping off his outrageous make-up, but it didn't kill off her excitement any. All the times she had to tell him no, even though his eyes begged her to just give him _something _and she so desperately wanted to cave and give in. No, tonight they had a crew of co-conspirators and an oddly charitable reason to be here. So she kissed him, because it's what she so desperately wanted to give them both for the holidays.

His arms quickly wrapping around her waist and pulling her into his arms. The robe, and whatever lie underneath, was a stark contrast to why he was used to feeling on her. The stiff wool gabardine uniforms they always wore left him lacking for a real touch of her whenever he 'accidently' touched her in the office or in the car. This fabric didn't leave much for the imagination and he could feel the curve of her hip as his hand wandered a little. They were no strangers to each other but there were stretches of time when they simply couldn't risk the contact. Now that he felt like he was being watched, their intimacy had to come to a cruel stop and it took some elaborate miracle like this to get them together. He finally broke off the kiss and determined by scent and feel that this was Riza and not an imposer. "I'm really afraid to ask, but who set this up?"

"Everyone. Hughes, Grumman, Christmas." She ran her hands over his chest. "Apparently you are very moody when I'm not around. So they conspired against us and here we are."

"I don't believe it. You would never compromise us like this." He hated himself for saying it, but he knew how this night wouldn't come close to appeasing the insatiable desire they had for each other. It would only get exponentially worse.

"When my grandfather walked in to the house in that dress, that horrible dress that he found in a thrift store and handed me a certificate entitling me to a date with _the_ Roy Mustang...well I have to say that it was hard to say no." She gave him a warm smile as he looked down at her with his loving, doting eyes. "Especially when he said he saved you from a night with Mrs. Bradley. Her fan fiction about you is beginning to border on things that shouldn't legally be printed."

"So we have one night?" He asked. "You and me, just spending the holiday together like we're an actual couple?"

"One night?" She laughed. "The room is booked for a week and that old lady who bought you is your boss, we have furlough for two whole weeks."

"One more question." He said and her eyes lit up.

"Yes?" She asked and he hovered close to her lips again, his intoxicating scent making her want to pull him down to her by his lapels and take his breath away.

"Can we stop talking about how our families just manipulated us and enjoy it?" He watched her brilliant smile emerge and her laugh filled him with a warmth he didn't think he had. As miserable as today was, he would live it again and again if it meant he ended his day here with her.

"Yes. Now, peel off a few layer of your protective clothing and sit down and have dinner before it gets cold."

"I came prepared for granny hands." He listened to her laugh as she sat down on the rug in front of the fireplace and looked up at him.

"Yes you walked into a dangerous scenario without backup and without your gloves on." She shook her head and poured the wine. "I can't leave you unsupervised for a minute."

"Promise?" He asked and threw off his scarf and coat onto the couch.

She watched him undo his tie and throw off his jacket, then sit down beside her. He handed him a wineglass and bit her lip in amusement. "Is that stripper glitter on your face?"

"You wouldn't not believe the day I've had." He leaned over and kissed her again, unable to resist the temptation. "It's better now."

"Happy Holidays Roy." He raised her wineglass and he raised his, as they toasted he leaned over and gave her a loving peck on the lips.

"If this is how we celebrate Holidays, I'm going to have to get one of those global holiday calendars for the office." He grinned.

"Your food is getting cold." She said and leaned back against the couch and let the robe fall off her bare leg as she stretched out. She glanced over at him as his eyes wandered immediately to the bare skin just revealed and then added. "And so am I. So eat, so you can come over here and warm me up."

He cocked an eyebrow. "You must be angling for the naughty list this year."

"What would you know about that?" She snorted. "It's paperwork afterall."

"I know about reheating meals." He took a sip of the wine and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "In case you want to skip to dessert?"

"Why don't you tell me about your day, starting with how you got that stripper glitter on your head." She gave him a sly smile and took the plate he offered her as slid up beside her and gave an exhausted sigh.

"Next year," He said. "I think we're going to go on vacation for the holidays."

"Sounds good." She grinned. "But I still want to hear about your day and why you didn't think to take your shirt off to get a higher bid."

"I didn't want to make Alex cry when he saw my abs." Roy replied and listened to her delightful laughter before cutting into his prime rib dinner and telling her the details of his day as they ate. He may have exaggerated some details, but he knew she could tell when he was just being dramatic. All that mattered right now was that they finally got that picturesque moment in front of the fire, under the mistletoe and by each other's side.


End file.
