Naruto Incomprehensible Idiots

**Title:** Incomprehensible Idiots

**Summary:** Sakura never could understand those two. No matter what they did, no matter how old they get or how much time has passed. To her they will always be incomprehensible idiots.

**Warnings:** Swearing, Yaoi, Slight Ooc, not even a glimmer of cannon. Beware of my madness *grins*

**A/n: **If you are against Yaoi, Homosexuals or is just a narrow minded creep please press that cute little arrow at the top left of your screen and go back. I'm not afraid to unleash some degrading shit upon you if you decide to read something that you obviously abhor just to post a scathing comment that you pulled from your ass. All the best!

"You can't make anything idiot proof because idiots are so ingenious."  
― Ron Burns

**Reflections of the Past**

Sakura sat and marvelled at the sheer stupidity that seemed to be encased within the two beings that her life was centered on from her first day at pre-school to her graduation from university.

If she hadn't years of experience and knowledge that the fight she was witnessing before her was nothing more than a lovers bicker she would be standing gawking and taking videos and pictures like the people around her.

Unfortunately she knew the two men all well. God was she ashamed to say that out loud.

Sakura laced her newly manicured hot pink nailed hand around the ceramic coffee mug and took a sip of the hot mocha latte. She would sit and wait until the two settled whatever disagreement they had come across or until things got too bloody and people started to call the police.

She did not want another run in with a furious Fugaku Uchiha over his son being on national television half naked and shouting 'I fucked this blond!' with said blond on his back giggling like a hippie stoked on pot. Which he probably was considering…

Sakura shook her head, no way was she revisiting memories like that. The pinkette sniffed and placed cherry pink earphones into her ears and turned the latest song by her favourite band to a volume that was considered dangerous. Risking eardrum damage to eliminate the sounds around her caused by the two idiots was a risk she would take.

Sometimes she wondered how an odd pair like her and the two idiots ever became friends. Was it some cosmic thing or was it as her fiancés best-friend liked to call Fate.

Whatever it was, it had one hell of a humor.

**/Flash Back/**

"_**It took him a while to figure out that gaining an audience was not the same thing as gaining friends." **_

― _**Julia Scheeres**_

**/Flash Back/**

**Meeting the Idiots**

Sakura clung to her mother's skirt in an effort to send the message across to the three adults before her. Why couldn't they understand? Weren't her eyes big enough? She was sure that her lip was trembling and her tears were just at the edge of falling.

Even though she was only three years old she knew which buttons she had to push to get her parents to crack and eventually break. Especially her Papa. Sakura turned her emerald green eyes to her father's whom she inherited them from.

She withheld a giggle and a grin when the man swallowed and turned his head to the side, a finger coming up to scratch at his beard.

"Daddy…" she whimpered making the man turn to look at his daughter.

Sakura frowned mentally. They had to understand she simply didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave her room and home to come and share toys with loud children no matter how much her parents said that she needed to socialize with children her age.

Her books and Mrs. Snuggle-Buns were the only friends she needed. So she just had to make her parents understand that going to pre-school was not an option she was willing to consider.

Kezashi Haruno sighed and turned his wry eyes onto his beloved Mebuki who glared back at him.

"Kura-Chan… daddies sorry but you have to go. It's time for you to be a big girl now. Meet new friends and stuff."

Sakura's eyes widened more, her father had never denied her so this meant that… that- Sakura did the only thing that she could think of in such a situation.

Cry.

Mebuki knelt down to her daughter's level and hugged the wailing child who clearly wasn't the only one with attachment issues seeing as how the front yard of the building was swamped with children like Sakura.

"Kura-Chan, it's okay, Mommy and Daddy will be back for you at one pm okay. You remember the time we showed don't you sweet-heart?"

Sakura nodded and clung to her mother's blouse tighter.

"Good girl. Now are you a big girl or a baby like Keisho?" Mebuki asked her daughter lightly receiving a snort from her significant other.

Sakura immediately pulled back from her mother, the chubby face twisted into a scowl at being compared to her five month old baby brother at home.

"Nuh Uh! N'way I'm like Keisho Mama!" the little girl sounded offended as she looked.

Mr. and Mrs. Haruno smiled at each other before they both said their goodbyes to their miffed daughter who held the hand of one of the attendants and was led to the backyard where the other children were without a look back at her parents.

It was Sakura's fourteenth day at the school and so far she found it utterly boring. Every day she would come and be led to the backyard where the children were for the majority of the day. Then at ten, two hours after they arrived or as she liked to call it. Abandoned. They would get a small snack compromised of milk and cookies or sometimes juice and chips.

Then they would go inside into pairs of twelve children per group and colour, do show-and-tell and learn the basics of the alphabet and counting. Which she already knew. By then it would be lunch and then after that they would run around until they fell asleep where ever they dropped.

And by they, Sakura meant the loud mouthed things called children. Sakura would kindly ask for a book and read it under one of the many trees in the humongous backyard.

The pink haired girl sighed and turned a page in the book perched on her lap. Honestly… how did her parents expect her to bond with anyone when they all had the intelligence of Keisho.

"Hey! Whad'ya thinks yer doing teme?" Sakura chose to ignore the bad word that acme from the boy's mouth in favour of being annoyed.

It was just after eight barely twenty since her father had dropped her off before he headed back home to tend to her baby brother and it was barely ten minutes since she had started reading and yet some idiot was already causing a commotion.

If she had to guess the idiot was blond and had blue eyes. Sakura growled under her breath when the voice became louder.

The blond boy had come to the pre-school two days after her and each day since then he made it his mission to cause a scene. Be it with another child or just doing irrational and thoughtless things such as climbing the apple tree.

It wasn't like if he was a bully but she guessed he was what her mommy called an 'Attention Pig'.

Her green eyes looked up from the colour pages of the story book and watched the scene despite herself. Naruto was an odd child in her opinion. He seemed friendly enough, loud but friendly. Every morning an old man or sometimes a teenager would bring him to the pre-school and he would sit in the corner of the sand box until more children arrived.

She would watch him go from totally quiet and her sort of companion to a loud shrieking banshee who interfered with everything that wasn't his then when it was time to go home he would go back into the sand box and sit until the bell rang two minutes later.

Sakura prided herself of being a smart child as did her parents and adults around her but the blond boy who was currently trying to gain the attention of one Sasuke Uchiha was a puzzle she didn't think it was worth trying to figure out.

Sasuke wasn't strange per say. He was quite which Sakura liked but he was always very gloomy. Not as strange as Naruto but strange non-the-less. He was also her crush for the first three days of her being at the school. Sakura decided that if being around him made her feel like crying he wasn't worth her time.

Sakura marked her page and closed the book as she watched Naruto poke the dark haired boy with the shovel from the sand box and she watched as Sasuke glared at the blond.

"What did you call me dobe?" Sasuke stood up and towered over the rather short blond.

Alarm bells went off in Sakura's head. Sasuke had become Naruto's newly appointed person of interest for the past four days, whereas the blond would poke, yell and assault the other boy, Sasuke on the other head would sit and endure it all silently until Naruto got bored and left.

Sakura watched as Naruto puffed out his chest in an act to seem intimidating but failed horribly.

"I called yer a teme!" Naruto shouted in contrast to Sasuke's soft spoken demand.

"Whaddya gonna do 'bout it creep" Naruto prodded the boy.

Sakura didn't know where the blond learned a word such as 'teme' but at least he was using it correctly. Not that she would ever use; Mrs. Snuggle-Buns would be taken away for sure if she did.

Sasuke's glare intensified and for someone so small it worked pretty well seeing as how Naruto shrunk back a bit.

"Leave me alone Dobe" Sasuke took up his bucket that was filled with cars and trunks and turned to walk away.

"Don't call me a idiot you… you… you duck butt!" Naruto yelled after the boy his tan face turning red and his chest was heaving. Sakura knew that look. The blond was getting frustrated with the boy.

Sasuke turned around and stared at the blond who was now grinning seeing as he now had the boy's attention on him once more. Sakura didn't know what happened in the space of time that she blinked but one moment Naruto was grinning his face splitting grin and the next he was on the ground a toy car a few feet to the side of him and a rather suspicious red mark forming on his forehead.

"You know why no one wants to play with a Baka like you? It's 'cause you're too loud and stupid to understand that no one likes you idiot! You can't count ten and miss out letters in the 'phabet. All you do is laugh and yell like a monkey! You're the biggest Dobe in the whole world!"

Everything else was just a blur after that. Naruto had leapt towards Sasuke and then the two of then began a furious game of 'Who can make the other bleed first'.

By the end of it they both had to be bandaged up. Sakura didn't know who was at fault here. Sasuke for throwing the car or Naruto for starting the whole argument.

Sakura was frightened. There had not been a peep or pope from the hyperactive blond since that day and Sakura felt as if the world was tipped on his axis. Instead the boy just sat in the sand box with an orange shovel in one hand and a blue bucket in the next.

He didn't speak to anyone, only looked up at people who entered the sand box but never wandered over to play with them.

He looked lonely.

No longer did her shout and yell but just remained quiet. And for the first time she realized that he truly had no friends.

Sakura herself had nun as well but she didn't feel lonely when she had her books. But the blond he looked simply… lost.

Sakura stood up, book in hand and began the trek towards the sandbox where the boy sat idly in, shovel in one hand and bucket in next. The blond didn't look up until she poked him in the head.

"S-Sakura-Chan" Naruto mumbled, his eyes wide with surprise.

Sakura was surprised that he even knew who she was seeing as how he never spoke to her, though she never spoke to him either.

"Naruto-chan" the pinkette replied with a smile. She tilted her head before sitting down in front of the still wide eyed boy. "What are ya doing with those?" she asked him as she eyed the shovel and bucket.

Naruto blinked several times before he blushed and smiled, suddenly shy. "N'thing…jus'…n'thing" he mumbled again.

Sakura giggled and the blush on the blonds cheeks spread some more.

"What d'you you mean nothing silly?" she asked the boy and he shifted nervously before daring to glance at the girl before him.

"I mean dat no one wants ta play with me…" his voice was nearly inaudible. Sakura's eyes softened and she crept forward on her hands and knees before she wrapped her arms around the skinny shoulders of the boy. Naruto's eyes widened and with much hesitation he responded back.

"Does… do 'his make us friends?" Naruto's voice shook so much in that one sentence that Sakura felt obligated to answer immediately

Sakura smiled gently and tightened her hold on the boy. "Yes silly. We're friends 'Ruto!" she chirped. Naruto gasped and squeezed the pink haired girl making her giggle.

This felt nice Sakura thought. To have someone to play with, even though she had never minded being alone, it was strange looking at other children play with one another and there she was bookworm Sakura sitting under her apple tree every day with only a book to gain her attention when the others had one another. Naruto wasn't smart like her; if she was to be completely honest she would call him dumb. He stumbled over words, mixed them up with one another and asked stupid questions in her opinion but didn't voice her thoughts because as of now he was her best-friend.

"Wanna build a sand-castle 'Ruto?" Sakura giggled when the boy's eyes sparkled and a grin spilt his face.

"**Arrogance is a creature. It does not have senses. It has only a sharp tongue and the pointing finger." **

― **Toba Beta**

Sasuke glared at the blond and pink haired girl who seemed to be the only one in the annoying group of toddlers that looked like she had a brain. The coal black eyes narrowed in at the laughing blue eyes brat who had insulted his hair.

A pale hand brushed down the spiked hair at the back of his head and he subconsciously pouted.

His Mommy called it adorable.

But no that annoying, loud monkey of a blond had said it looked like a ducks butt! Sasuke sniffed and tried to stave off the pout for a second time. What did the yellow monkey know? Everything that came from his mouth sounded stupid and dumb! What did he know about anything?!

Sasuke peeked at the pair again who sat under the apple tree. A picture book snug between the both of them and by the looks of it Sakura (he heard Naruto calling her name) was reading it to the idiot.

Sasuke managed a cute sneer. Figures that the blond monkey couldn't read.

The youngest Uchiha looked down at his bucket full of cars and trucks that his Aniki had bought for him before he…

Sasuke rubbed at his eyes when he felt tears prickle at them. He wouldn't cry when his Nii-chan told him not too.

He didn't understand why his brother had to keep leaving home and him to go to a funny smelling hospital. He hugged the bucket of toys to his chest and choked on a sob. One minute his Nii-chan was playing with him in the back yard and the next he was holding his chest and asking Sasuke to call their mother.

Sasuke knew that his Nii-chan was sick but he didn't understand why he couldn't be sick at home.

The little boy nearly jumped from his skin when he felt two fairs of small arms wrap around his body. His red rimmed eyes came face to face with blond hair that could only belong to one person and from the corner of his eye he could spot a lock of pink.

He was too surprised to even utter a word.

Naruto pulled back from his embrace of the black haired boy and smiled soft, the smile understanding and not pitying like the adults gave him. It was a soft curve of the lips and the slight darkening of the blue eyes that had Sasuke mesmerised.

"It's okays Teme, yer don't have-ta cry all by yous self hm? Me and Sakura-Chan are here widcha even doa yer a bastard and stuff." Naruto nodded to himself and went back to hugging the pale skinned boy who was still stunned at the display to say a word.

Naruto yelped a second after when his best-friend gave him a hard thump on the forehead. The blond pulled back again with a pout on his lips.

"'Orry 'Suke, Sakura-chan said not ta call yer dat. But to call yer arr…arrogramp!" the boy chirped and with a smile hugged the boy again. Sasuke heard Sakura sigh behind him.

"It's called arrogant Ruto! Get it right! but he's right though Suke… you don't have to cry all by yourself, Naruto and me are here. Kay?" the girl giggled when Sasuke just nodded dumbly.

"Your… you're not mad at me anymore?" Naruto blinked his ocean blue eyes at the pale face. "Why would I be mad at ya?" he asked genuinely confused.

Sasuke gapped at him, clearly thinking that the boy was mocking him. "Because I gave you that!" and to prove his point he poked the purple bruise on the boy's forehead causing the blond to hiss.

Naruto scowled at the boy before shrugging his tiny shoulders. "Dun cares no more" he said in a dismissive manner causing the other boy to stare at him funny.

Finally after what seemed to like minutes the Uchiha sighed and shook his head. "Your both strange" he said to the two and stared at Naruto with an intense look. "But your stranger" he said in an absolute kind of voice.

"Wahh? Why is me more strangely than Sakura-Chan?" the blonde's cheeks were puffed out causing the two other children to giggle madly and soon enough the boy joined in too.

"We're now the bestest of friends right? The three of us right right right?" Naruto asked hesitantly as if afraid of the answer to come. He had heard Sakura say it before but people's mind could change, just like those at the orphanage.

"Of course Silly Naru!" Sakura sighed. The blond looked at the brunet boy who tilted his head seemed to be thinking. Just as Naruto was going to allow his heart to drop to his size three shoes the boy gave him a smile that completely changed the Uchiha's face.

"Yea Dobe…we're all the bestest of friends" Sasuke blushed when the blond boy tackled him to the ground in a hug as he babbled on about what they were going to do now they were the bestest of friends. Sakura smiled and helped them both off of the ground before she raised her hand and smacked Sasuke across the back of his head.

"Ow!"

**/Flash Back End/**

Sakura wrapped her earphone around the cell phone in her hand and placed it in the hand bag on the table. By the look on people's faces the fight was turning down a bad road and the last thing she needed was someone calling the police.

The young woman placed the bag down on the glass counter of the table before smoothing out her white and red summer dress.

"Excuse me please" she said as she passed through the crowd gathered around the brawling men.

"Take that you fucking Bastard!" she heard someone yell and then the sounds of flesh hitting flesh. She then heard a grunt of pain before not too soon after a loud yelp.

Sakura stood at the very front of the crowd and watched as one blond man with three thin lines on each cheek, a rumpled blue and white polo shirt and jeans shift into a stance, his eyes locked onto a black haired man whose dress shirt was obviously ruined and slacks.

Who was she kidding? Both of them needed to strip now, the clothes that they were wearing were unsalvageable! Her heels clicked against the pavement and soon enough she was stand in front of the two huffing men.

The crowd parted when Sakura turned around with an irked face expression before they looked back at the two men who before had struggled to down one another but with one blow to the face Sakura sent them both flying several feet.

All she wanted was to have a nice lunch with her best friends, but she should've known that no amount of praying could get the two to _not_ fight. To think that they were boyfriends was unthinkable! She grabbed her bag and waited until the two shook off the cuff with ease.

They were used to after twelve years. Some called it abuse, she called it damage control.

"Sakura-Chan! Why didya have ta hit me so hard?" she rolled her eyes when the blond pouted and crossed his arms. Honestly… how could someone as old as Naruto manage to pull that off?

Sasuke grunted and rubbed at his cheek where he knew a fist sized mark would appear sooner than later. He didn't question her just stared at her with his endless black eyes silently.

He wanted to know why he deserved such abuse. The blond could handle it with a head like rock but he couldn't, at least not from her on a day to day basis.

Sakura's eyebrow twitched and she smiled at the two as she cracked her knuckles. "Do you really want me to answer that?" she growled. Before she knew it she was hand in hand with the two men. Naruto to her right babbling about how awesome it would be to have ramen right now and Sasuke snorting in the right places at the blond's rambles.

Sakura sighed. Whatever happened, come hail or hell, she for one knew that the two wouldn't change. They were her idiots after all.

**A/n:** Thanks for reading! Read and review to join the dark side! *grins* Trust me. You'll love it here~


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