Falling Star

WARNING: Characters death  
  
AUTOR'S NOTE:  
  
This is my second English written fic, so please be kind again. I would most appreciate any kind of feedback. At first I wasn't sure if I should write another fic but you guys really gave such inspiring feedback that I thought it can't be too bad to write another one, I hope I wasn't wrong with that.  
  
DEDICATION:  
  
This Fanfic is dedicated to everyone who gave me Feedback to my first story and everyone who helped me with this one. This is for you guys!  
  
SPECIAL THANKS:  
  
To my beta-reader Kes, you are absolutely great without you I couldn't have done this. Thank you very much!! To DM who is also always there for me.  
  
copyright by Madi, all rights reserved; 1.6.2001  
  
It's nights like this, out on the roof when I'm watching the stars, that I miss him the most. On this evening I saw a falling star like so many nights before but for the first time since he left me, I made a wish. Although this wasn't the first time I saw a falling star since then it was still the first time I made a wish because all the other nights I just thought that it wouldn't help anyway. I don't know why I did it this time, I just had to. Maybe it was because it reminded me of the time when he first asked me out to dinner.  
  
He came to my lab and told me: "There's supposed to be a hell of a show tonight Sam. If you want we can watch it together." I just frowned at him cause I had no idea what he meant. So, he told me that tonight would be the night with thousands of falling stars. I was sceptical, even more so when he extended the invitation to include dinner. He said that we had to eat something anyway and why not eat something together. After I didn't say yes right away he said that he promised not to cook himself. He also said I had to go, because I'd turned down his fishing trips twice, and another would be too much for his 'old heart'. How could I argue with that? Also, Teal'c suggested the next time Jack asked me to go somewhere with him and I refused, my health might suffer. I think Teal'c still blamed me for having to go with Jack to Minnesota, after I turned him down.  
  
After changing my clothes for what must have been for the hundredth time I was finally ready to go to Jack's. I knocked on the door, which opened immediately, a bit too quickly. I went inside and had a wonderful meal with him. We talked about everything and nothing. He insisted that I called him Jack for the evening, which felt strange but right. We talked some more and finally went outside and up onto the roof. It was a cold but clear night, so he bought a blanket for us. We sat there under the covers and watched the sky.  
  
When I shivered he took me in his arms because he didn't want me to catch a cold. Then it started and we saw them, there had to be thousands of falling stars right over our heads. They were so beautiful I couldn't believe it. It definitely was worth accepting his offer, even if at first I thought that it wasn't a good idea. Actually I knew it was worth it when I saw Jack this evening but even if he wouldn't have been here with me, it would be definitely less enjoyable of course, but still it would have been worth it. It was such an undescribable experience that even now I have problems believing it. So, I was sitting there on the roof in Jack's arms and together we were watching the falling stars when he told me that we both had to wish something and I did as he asked me to.  
  
After some time passed he said that he has to help his wish a bit and that it may be completely foolish what he was about to do but that he couldn't hold it back anymore. He said that what he was going to say didn't mean that what he likes to happen has to happen and that it depends on me. We could go back or move forward from this point whatever I would like. He also said that whatever happens now he is and will ever be first of all my friend and that I could come to him whenever I needed him. Then he started and told me that he loved me since the first moment he saw me. That at first he denied it because of him, because of me and because of the regulations but that he couldn't deny it any longer. It would kill him to see me every day and not be able to touch me or tell me that he loves me. That he can't bear this pain of not being able to tell me how he feels or not being able to comfort me. That he wants to move on and away from the life he knew before I met him. He wants to be able to love again and that it was just me who could give him this feeling back.  
  
At first I was shocked but then I saw him and the soldier was gone there was just this incredibly handsome guy who opened up what must have been the first time in years and laid his soul at my feet. He risked being hurt very deeply again and in this moment I just saw all the pain and guilt which he must have endured through his life. At first I was shocked how he opened up and risked to being hurt very deeply again because he asked me to love him. Of course I couldn't turn him down I didn't even think about that for a minute, I had loved him for so long and this was what I always hoped for.  
  
After this we were a couple and we never separated again, we even married some time later, after we spoke to General Hammond. At first there were a few problems but Jack said that General Hammond promised him a favour once after Jack helped him with the guys who tried to get him out of the Air Force and this was the moment when he called in for his promised favour.  
  
We married and this was the best day of my life. In the evening we watched the stars again and he told me then that at this evening when we watched the falling stars together for the first time he wished for this! So maybe this was the reason I wished for something since he was gone, because it worked out before. After about two years we found out that I was pregnant. It was in the beginning of the second months of my pregnancy when he was called for a dangerous mission. First General Hammond and Dad, who was involved as well, didn't wanted to let him go but I told them that if they wanted to at least have a chance they needed Jack. He asked me if I was sure and I told him that I was. I couldn't go with them because Janet said the effect of gate travel on a pregnancy hadn't been determined and that she didn't wanted to risk anything, which of course Jack and I didn't wanted to happen either. Before he went on this mission we spent the whole day and night together. I now think that we both felt that it would be the last time and therefore we enjoyed every minute of it. It was again when we sat outside and watched the sky when he told me shortly before he had to leave, because they wanted to leave by night so they would be hidden in the darkness, this:  
  
"Sam you're the love of my life. After Charlie died I thought I would die too. I could only feel guilt, sadness and an incredible hurt, which tried to eat me up from inside. These were the only feelings I knew before I met you. You walked into the SGC and into my life, my heart. Of course it was a long walk to go for us but we did it and finally found each other completely. When we married I thought it was the best day in my life but then you told me you're pregnant and I thanked every god on this earth for giving me a second chance. I swore to not screw it up again. Sam, don't forget that you are the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life and that I love you so completely and so much from the bottom of my heart that I can't put it in words. I hope I'll live long enough to let you know how much I truly love you. You showed me and I knew how you feel with every day you were there for me! Thank you for loving me. You showed me how to live again and how to find the way out of the tunnel and into the light once more. You're my angel and I don't know who loves me so much that he brought you in my life but I thank him every single day for this great gift! Thank you for loving me back!"  
  
Then we went inside the mountain and to the Gateroom. It was time for us to say goodbye to each other and he stepped through the gate. This was the last time I saw him...  
  
Almost 7 months passed since then and I soon will bear our child. I'll bring it to this world with no father to take care of it. I wrote him a letter even though I know he'll never read it. So I wrote him this and while I was standing on the roof, wished that he already knew everything I wrote in the letter and how much he had meant to me.  
  
Dear Jack  
  
You're my sunshine. I didn't have a happy past either and when you came in my life it was like sunshine through my window. You lit up every room. You were always there for me and I could always count on you. I knew you wouldn't hurt me, at least not on purpose. You were like a shining star in the dark of night, which led me out of the darkness and into my paradise. I saw you and it was like magic, I felt like I could fly and reach out for the sky. I instantly knew that you had to suffer more pain than a man is able to bear but I also knew that we could help each other through this when we found the way in each other's arms. We did and I was proven right. I felt the love again and felt that you love me back the same way. I just knew that everything is going to be alright. Whenever you were there you made me feel like I was the center of the universe. I forgot everything bad that had happened to me and just knew that it eventually would turn out just fine. Whenever you are around I feel that there's a reason for me to be on this earth and the reason is because of you. I couldn't have asked for a greater gift then the one you made me when you asked me to love you back! Thank you for asking me and thank you for loving me. The time with you was the best time in my life!  
  
In love forever,  
  
Sam  
  
Sunshine  
  
Made a wish  
I can dream  
I can be what I want to be  
Not afraid  
To live life  
And fulfil fantasies  
I learnt a lot of tricks to help me live my life  
You helped me find my paradise  
When you came you were like  
  
sunshine through my window  
that's what you are, my shining star  
  
making me feel I'm on top of the world  
telling me I'll go far  
reaching out, for new heights  
you inspired me to try  
felt the magic inside  
and felt that I could fly  
I'm looking at the world in an optimistic light  
You made me appreciate my life  
Cause when you came you were like  
  
sunshine through my window  
that's what you are, my shining star  
  
you are the calm, when I am the storm  
you are a breeze, that carries me on  
when I set adrift, you anchor at me  
you're there for me  
  
sunshine through my window  
that's what you are, my shining star  
  
sunshine through my window  
that's what you are, my shining star  
  
sunshine through my window  
that's what you are, my shining star  
  



End file.
