Dark Angel 1. Silver & Cold

Since the first day she had seen him. Since she had first seen him and felt that undeniable connection and overwhelming passion. That is how long a part of her had loved him. Okay, so the connection she had felt was for the man she had believed to be her brother and the passion was incredible annoyance, but all relationships have problems right? Maybe even back then a part of her had known something. Felt a tiny spark somewhere in the buried, distant recesses of her heart.

And anyway, what did it matter? All that did matter was that she realized her feelings for what they truly were. Max had finally come to accept that she was irrevocably in love with a certain annoying honest transgenic she had named Alec.

And now he was leaving and it was all because of her and her stupid pride. Max slowly turned from the mirror that she was leaning over as she stared at her reflection and wondered how the hell she had become so cold and out of touch. When had her heart just shut down and turned to ice?

Maybe it was when Alec had first confessed his feelings toward her. But even then she was to dead inside to do anything about it. To feel anything back. Or at least she had thought so at the time. But she was so terribly cold and he was lonely so she had given in to him, time and again, not really caring if he knew that she wasn't really there. Not the part that counted anyway.

And if he did know, he never said anything. Probably too afraid of losing her for good. Fear did funny things to a person and Max knew that over the last few years of running Terminal City, fear and fatigue had taken it's toll on him. Both of them.

Not what you would expect from a highly trained soldier, but watching each of your friends fall in battle one by one, will do that to even the most enervated of heart. And Alec, with his cocky grin and vast multitude of incisive remarks, was no exception.

Or maybe Max's long held indifference was best blamed on Logan. Logan and his black and white views on what is and isn't right. Logan and his self-serving love for her. Logan and his betrayal of Terminal City and all that she held dear once upon a time. There was a time when Max would have said that Logan's love for her was the most important thing in her world.

But how could have she have possibly known that it would be that very love that would rip her carefully resurrected sanctuary into pieces? Could anyone really have guessed that one tiny mistake from a few X7's would forever jeopardize the transgenics newly peaceful existence and that Logan's aforementioned black and white views on what is and isn't right would flip the whole situation around until there was nothing left but ashes? Funny how clearly she still remembers the confrontation during quiet, reflective moments like these.

_"Max, you can't just pretend that it didn't happen," Logan's voice sternly berated her, challenging her own principles in ways that he had no right to do.  
"You think I don't know that?" she snapped back with wide, angry eyes, forcing forth a resolution that was no longer there.  
"But if this gets out right now, it will cause total pandemonium. If If you think that the humans refused to accept us before, just wait until they hear about this. Now I have worked too damn hard to keep everything under control to just throw it all away on one stupid mistake."_

_  
"Max, someone died! How do you expect me to just ignore that? Now I have stuck by you through this whole thing but I can't hide what happened for those delinquents in there." Max stared at him carefully for a few moments, feeling a sting of hurt at his words, quickly replaced by anger. _

_"I don't expect you to hide anything, I expect you to let me handle this on my own. Now those 'delinquents are just a couple of confused kids that did something really stupid and immature and it got out of hand. They have already been severely reprimanded so that this sort of thing doesn't happen again and I promise you that I fully intend to go to the police with this, but I just need a few days," Max said angrily, but with a soft pleading tone in her voice. Still, a part of her couldn't help but wonder if the reason he was getting so upset was because the man that had been killed had been human as opposed to another transgenic. _

_"But if we do anything right now, we give away our location to White for sure and there is no way that we are prepared to deal with him and the anti-mutant groups at the same time. So please Logan, just let me handle this?" Max's eyes softened with fear and desperation, something she didn't like having to do at all. "Please just trust me Logan." _

_Logan eyed her skeptically, hating that she was asking him to ignore his morals, even if it was just for a few days. Despite his resolve, he really did consider it. But in the end, he just couldn't. "I'm sorry Max, but I can't. I know that what happened was an unfortunate accident and I hate that I have to say this, but if you don't go to the police, then I will."_

And he had. Just like that, without a second thought or care that he was not only jeopardizing the lives of everyone in Terminal City, but also the life of the girl that he has claimed to love for the last three years. Maybe it was the virus that had damaged their relationship beyond repair. Or maybe it was the simple fact that Logan was a human and no matter what, his loyalty would always be with his own kind.

There were times that Max had felt sorry for him. Living in TC, away from his own kind for the last few years. It must have worn on him too. But the fact remained that putting everyone's life at risk just because a few hungry transgenic kids looking for food, had unknowingly broke into the home of a fanatical mutant hater who had been ready to shoot the moment he saw barcodes, was unforgivable.

Especially since that was the beginning of the end of Terminal City and many of the mutants who had come there seeking liberation and freedom. And those that had lived the battles had blamed her. Logan was her lover after all. She had been the only one at TC that had ever really trusted him and the moment that trust was betrayed, all trust that the other transgenics had held for Max went right out the window with it. Yep, everyone had turned from her, just like that. All except Alec that is. Max smiled fondly at the thought. Her first real smile in months.

And now Alec was leaving. How could she have ever let things get this bad? TC was in in even worse ruins than before, most everyone was dead, Logan had betrayed them, White was closing in on them again, the normals hated them even more than before, Max was an overthrown leader, and Alec was leaving. Alec was leaving. The thought repeated over and over in Max's head like a litany and her heart gave a weak, painful squeeze.

Or maybe it was just the ice around it finally starting to crack and shatter. At least she now knew that she still had one. But what she didn't know was why she was still standing here overanalyzing everything to death. Alec was leaving. Maybe for good. She had... she had to stop him. Finally coming to a decision, Max ran out of her apartment and climbed onto her Ninja.


	2. Clove Smoke Catharsus

**Author's Note: Serenity is a Feedback Whore. Yes, I am a feedback whore.**

Since the first day he had seen her. That's how long a part of him had known that something was starting. Sure, he denied it for as long as possible but he was a man and even the transgenic formally known as 494, was indeed, not made of stone. Alec knew that despite how many times Manticore had drilled it into his head to believe otherwise. He knew that everyone thought he only saw Max as an annoying little sister and maybe a part of him did. But the bigger, more insistent part saw her for the sexy, tough, beautiful and oftentimes vulnerable woman that she was. And he loved her for all of those qualities. But gods he had screwed up so many times with her. He may be a highly trained soldiar, but when it came to Max his penchant for screwing up far outshone any of his screwball attempts at making her smile. But boy did he keep trying anyway.

And now he was leaving her. Truth be told, Alec wasn't really sure what he was leaving too. Canada? Vermont? No matter where he went, Max wouldn't be there so it all seemed the same to him. No matter where he chose to hide, Alec knew that he would still be lost. He had been ever since Max looked dead into his eyes and without missing a beat, threw away everything that had ever meant anything between the two of them. A part of him was angry at her while another part wasn't capable of feeling anything at all. Hell, he had so many different feelings about the situation that there were many he couldn't quite place. So he just kept them all at bay, picking through them like they were seashells and throwing back any that were too painful to deal with. Manticore had taught him well and Alec was a master at dissassociation. But the one feeling that Alec couldn't push away, no matter how hard he tried, was the feeling of despair. Not despair for himself. Not even despair for all of the things that he and Max would never share. The despair was for Max and everything that she had closed herself off to. Even if she never wanted to make a life with him, Alec only hoped that she would one day allow herself some ounce of happiness. Even if he never did.

Unconditional love. The very words nearly made Alec laugh. It sounded so cornball. But it was true and as long as Alec didn't say the words aloud, he could actually bear the thought of succumbing to it's deadly cheesiness. But he could never bear the thought of a lifetime full of empty memories. Memories of Max telling him that she never wanted to see him again after he had ruined her chance at curing the virus. Or of Mole and Joshua, silently falling next to him, dead. Or the sight of Biggs, strung up as a message to his _kind. _And even all of his good memories seemed too painful to recall. The time he spent with Joshua in Sandeman's house only made him miss Dog Boy even more. And all of his memories of Max saving his life time after time, and each time he repaid her efforts by doing the same for her, only made him wonder how things ever got so bad between them. Sure they were always at each other's throats, but running Terminal City together had changed things between them. They had grown...close. But yet there was always something wrong there too. Even when they had lain together, finding solace from the madness around them in each other's embrace, Max was distant. At times it didn't even seem like she was there at all. And that hurt. Deeply. But he would be damned if he ever let Max know that. As much as the memories pained him, Alec knew that after today, memories would be all he would have left of Max. Ever again.

"You know I love you right?" Alec shot with a smile and not a second thought as his breathing slowly returned to normal. But when she silently disentangled herself from him and sat up to look for her clothes, Alec took in her pale face and uncaring eyes. "I was just kidding," he said seriously, knowing that she wasn't ready for that sort of honesty. Not from him anyway. "Were you Alec?" she asked, her face suddenly turning red as her overactive temper flared up without notice. "Of course," was his response as he too, sat up. "Really? Because I don't think you were." Alec stumbled for words for a second, surprised as always by how fast she could get angry. "Look, it was a joke. I got caught up in the moment, I wasn't thinking too clearly. You should take that as a compliment." Max just stared him down until he couldn't look at her anymore. "Alright," he finally relented, still looking away in shame and embarrassment. "I do," he confessed, bringing his sad eyes to look up at her angry ones. "Max... I love-"

"Just stop right there," she commanded harshly, interrupting him. "Don't you dare say that! Ever!" But he couldn't. "Max, what do you want me to do? Ignore how I feel? Pretend like these feelings don't exist? Like they don't matter?"

"They don't. And yes, if that is what it takes."

"Well I can't! Max I love you," he finally got out, ignoring her warning expression.

"You have no right to say that to me," she snapped, her fist connecting with his jaw. "If you ever say anything like that again, so help me god I will kick your ass. Understand?"

Alec remained silent and as Max took another swing, he grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back, throwing her against the wall with all of his strength. "Yeah," he said flatly and started to walk away. "Yeah...I got it."

And he had never said it again. From then on, their encounters were emotionless and cold. Just like her heart. And she was happy. But the wedge she had driven between then slowly grew and even though they continued to seek comfort from one another, they may as well have not even been in the same room together because it certainly didn't feel like they were. And then a human ended up dead because of a few hungry transgenic kids and Logan refused to remain silent about it. Alec knew that Max felt betrayed and he could understand it, but he also knew that it was bound to happen eventually. Logan wasn't one of them and as much as he had helped Max in the past, things were different now and he wasn't a part of that battle.

Alec approached the ticket desk and in a solemn voice just asked for the next train out, destination not really mattering all that much to him right now. "We have a ten o'clock to jersey leaving in ten minutes," the ticket girl informed him solemnly. "Perfect, I'll take it," was his immediate response, the urge to get out of Seattle growing by the second.


End file.
