CSI 1. Chapter 1

Sara found herself on a patterned bedspread, small bottles of alcohol littered around her. Her hair a disheveled mess atop her head, her eyes blank and teary. She crumpled up another piece of paper, tossing it into the garbage can at the far corner of the room.

It had been three days already. Three days in total silence, except for the muffled voices in the room next to hers. Three days of sleeping, drinking and worrying. Wondering what she would do now and where she would go. Contemplating whether to fade out or stay in the game.

Her cell phone began to vibrate again.

She knew who it was, but she just couldn't answer it right now.

He had already left five messages, his voice sounding as if all the desperation in the world had settled there.

She was desperate too.

Desperate to find answers to questions she couldn't even begin to understand.

Again, her cell phone began to vibrate, now doing a tiny dance across the wood top of the nightstand.

She grabbed for it, turning it off.

She sat there staring down at it, wondering what Grissoms face looked like as he worried about her. Did she really want to make him feel that much pain?

She turned it back on quickly, her fingers finding the keypad as she pressed in his number.

"Grissom." his voice sounded pained.

She was silent at her end.

"Sara," he said into the phone, his voice hesitant, "where are you honey?"

She still stayed silent.

He stayed silent.

She listened to him breath.

"I can't." she said softly, her fingers finding her pen again, "I've caused you too much worry, Gil. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"No." he said, "No, Sara. You've given me love." he sighed from his end, "So much love."

"Pain." she felt her lips quiver, her eyes brimming with new tears, "So much pain."

"Just tell me where you are." he said softly.

Sara looked about the room, her eyes blurry, "I don't know." she said and then began to sob uncontrollably.

"Baby." he said even softer now, "Please help me find you."

Sara closed her hand around a clump of bedspread, bringing it to her face to wipe at the tears. She sucked in a panicked breath, letting it out slowly, her whole face constricted with pain, "Days Inn." she said quietly between sobs, "Somewhere."

His end was silent.

She wiped more tears on the blanket, her eyes irritated from the roughness of the fabric. Was he still there?

She could hear the clicking of keys.

He was on his computer.

"Can you look in the nightstand drawer, Sara?" he asked now, "See if there is an address on the letterhead or a pen or something?"

She felt her shaky hand grab for the drawer handle, "Are you at work?" she asked in a strained voice, her tears still tracing paths down her cheeks.

"Home." he said.

She grabbed a pad of paper from the drawer interior and read the address out to Grissom.

He breathed a sigh of relief from his end.

Sara began to tremble all over, her hand now buried deep in her hair as she listened to his voice, "I'm coming, okay?" he said, "Don't leave me again, Sara." he sounded as if he were pleading, "Please, just stay there."

She was silent.

"I love you." he said.

She stayed silent, her mind willing her tears to stop.

"Sara?" he questioned when she didn't say anything.

She could hear him fumbling about, "I'll stay." she found herself saying quietly, "But I don't want you losing your job over this."

"I'd rather lose my job, than lose you." he said quietly, "I love you so much."

She smiled into the phone.

"I'm on my way." he said.

Sara hung up her phone, not really sure if she would be there when he arrived.


	2. Held

Sara stood in front of the large vending machine, willing herself to buy a snack. She hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day. Her stomach churned and growled telling her she needed to eat something soon. She also felt dizzy; maybe because Grissom was coming, but definitely because her insides were totally empty. Finally, seeing that she had been standing there for at least fifteen minutes, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her jeans, she pushed a button, sending a large bag of pretzel's into the bin below. She ripped the bag open, only causing the food to fly everywhere, leaving just three tiny crumbs in the bag.

"Damn." she muttered as she looked around her at the pretzels spread all over the cement. For a brief second she thought about picking them up, dusting them off.

She was that desperate.

The three quarters she had just used, had been her last.

Her stomach grieved a reply to the situation, growling loudly, clutching slightly.

She had no more cash on her, only a credit card, but that would mean finding an ATM and that would mean hailing another cab. She didn't want to waste her money on that.

She looked over the railing behind her, her eyes gazing at the Days Inn sign. Maybe, eventhough it was evening, she could get some leftover breakfast out of the small cafeteria downstairs.

Seconds later she found herself in the front office staring at a small Indian man named George.

"No." he said, "We only serve in the morning."

Sara stared hard at him, "Not even a box of cereal?"

"No." he said again, "Only morning."

Sara huffed softly, smiled tightly and left for her room.

She'd have to hail a taxi, get some cash and get some real food in her.

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Grissom knocked lightly on the door in front of him.

His face looked strained, tired. Puffy eyes showed that he hadn't slept in days. He wore his forensics coat, zipped up to the chin, collar tucked warmly around his thick neck.

"Sara." he said, gently knocking again. He felt she was a scared rabbit right now, not willing to come out of her burrow.

"Sara." he knocked harder.

Two suitcases sat beside his feet. On top of them, he had a bag full of vegatarian food and food for himself. He was always prepared for Sara.

His knuckles met the cold, hard wood of the door again, "Sara." he said a bit more harshly, "Baby, open the door."

He knew she loved when he called her that. It was sort of a running joke with them. He could remember the first time he had said it to her. She had smiled lightly, a small gleam in her eyes.

_"Does that mean you want to put diapers on me and spank me when I'm naughtly?" she had asked with a sly grin on her lips, her eyebrow arched wickedly._

_They had been at the lab. It had been very quiet. And he had been very aroused by the naughty look on her face._

_"Don't do that here, Sara." he had said as he looked back in the microscope, "You'll get us both in trouble."  
_

_Sometimes she could be such a little vixen. And for a man his age, it was incredibly intoxicating._

_She had that crocked little grin on her lips that drove him mad, "I think it is worth it."_

_He had eyed her from above the scope, "I'll take you home tonight and show you how worth it it is just to wait."_

_She had smiled, covering the smile quickly as Catherine had walked into the room._

He knocked harder, his knuckles feeling cracked and painful.

"Sara, please."

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Sara exited the cab, her hands grasping two grocery bags of food. She paid the cabbie, climbing the steps of the hotel two at a time. When she opened the door of her room, she paused heavily, "Grissom." she all but gasped.

He stood from his seated position on her bed and walked over to her, "Don't ever do this to me again." he said as he pulled her into a tight embrace, "I had the manager open your door. I thought I had lost you again."

She let him hold her. Her face pressed into the warmth of his neck, his arms tight around her. He smelled so good. So safe and warm.

She let her lips brush over the skin of his throat as he sighed gently into her hair.

She felt so protected by him, like he would suck all the bad memories out of her.

Finally he let her loose, holding her so he could look into her eyes, "When's the last time you ate anything?"

She shrugged, pulling away from him, "Yesterday."

He pulled a take out box from the bag that sat at his feet, "Veggie burger."

"I have a few things to put in the refrigerator." she said, brushing past him intentionally, his hand grasping onto hers momentarily as she passed.

She emptied the contents of the two bags and then turned to look at Grissom.

He was busy emptying his suitcase into the drawers of the dresser.

"Thanks." she said upon opening the take out box. She hungerly chowed down five fries and then took a huge bite out of her sandwich, "So good." she mumbled softly between chews.

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Grissom didn't like what he saw before him. This was the worst he had ever seen her. Dark circles under her eyes, paler than usual, thinner, broken.

Starving.

He finished unpacking and then he unpacked her suitcase.

"When was the last time you showered?" he asked, his eyes taking in the fact that she still had on the same outfit she had left the lab in.

"Days."

He let her finish eating before he continued, "You need a shower," he said softly, now handing her some pajamas, "then we can talk."

She took the clothes, "Okay." she offered him one of her tight smiles, "I...um..."

"Just go shower." he said gently as he turned on the television.

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Sara stared at her pale face in the bathroom mirror, trying to remember the last time she had gotten any sun. She traced a small wrinkle in her forehead as if to press it off her face, but it still remained there.

She showered quickly.

When she came out, Grissom lay on the bed sleeping.

She watched him for a moment.

He was stretched out on his back, one hand still grasping the remote, the other laid out beside him. His head was cocked to the side a bit, deep in the pillow.

She walked over to him, quietly crawling over the comforter to his body on the bed. She slid her tiny, pale hand into his hand. Then she gently laid her head on his chest.

The human contact was wonderful, especially after not having it for so long.

She fell asleep listening to his breathing just below her ear.

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Grissom woke to something warm and damp against his chest. He gently lifted his head to see Sara draped over him, her breathing slow and even.

He looked at the clock. It was just after nine.

He didn't want to move, knowing that this was probably the first time that Sara had slept in days.

Slowly, he widdled his hand from her hand, now placing it protectively on her back. His fingers making gentle circles up and down her spine.

He felt her right hand slide up his chest, ending with her cold fingers against his neck.

This is how it always was with her. She couldn't sleep alone and when she did she never got enough rest.

She sighed.

He felt her head move, now her lips just a tickle against the bottom of his chin. He moved his lips down to brush past hers.

He had her in his arms and that is all that mattered right now.

Loving Sara was all that had ever really mattered to him.

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Sara stirred, her body limp against great warmth. She pushed herself up, now gazing down into Grissoms eyes.

"Hey." he said softly.

She put a shaky hand through her dark hair as she leaned in to kiss him, "I love you." she said as she pulled away from him, her eyes locked with his eyes, "I love you so much."

She could see so many questions in his face as he pulled himself up to a seated position, his back against the headboard now, "I know you do." he said, turning off the television.

She moved back from him, pushing herself into a seated position right next to him, her hand on his leg, "I guess there is a lot to talk about."

He was quiet.

Sara touched his face, pushing her thumb across his dry lips, "I'm so sorry, Gil." she said quietly.

His hand came up to meet her hand, "I can't deal with that sort of pain ever again, Sara." his eyes roved her face as he said this, "I feel I've almost lost you a million times, but this is the worse one yet."

She sucked in a breath, willing herself not to cry, "I'm so sorry."

He was quiet again.

She waited.

"I've taken some time off so we can work through this." he said finally, his voice rough and quiet, "I want to help you, Sara."

She tucked some hair behind her ear, her fingers now tracing patterns on the comforter, "How much time?"

"Enough." he said, pulling her hand up to his lips and then holding it lightly in his hand.

She looked at him, "I don't want you getting fired, Gil." she all but pleaded.

He arched an eyebrow, "Who would have the guts to fire me?"

She couldn't help but smile at him, some of her anxiety melting away.

"Let's just relax for now." he pulled her into his lap, her face pressed against his, "We'll have plenty of time to talk."


	3. Juiced

"Just juice." she said as Grissom eyed her from the stove, his hand stirring some eggs in a large frying pan.

"Nothing else?" he asked, now pouring the eggs onto a plate for himself, his eyes never leaving her face.

She smoothed her hair with her hand, her eyes avoiding his, "I just don't feel like eating this morning."

He brought his plate to the table, a gentle, billowing steam rising from the food, "You need to eat, Sara."

She pulled her feet up to the wooden chair seat, pushing her knees into the edge of the table, "I'm fine for now."

They sat in silence for a few moments as Sara sipped at her orange juice and Grissom ate his eggs and toast. He also sipped coffee, his eyes roving her face every few seconds for a sign of anything.

"Sorry I fell asleep again on you last night." she put her glass on the table, watching the condensation slip in tiny, full drops down the side, "I guess I was tired."

"I love when you fall asleep on me." he said quietly, now wiping at his mouth with a small, red napkin. He meant to go on, but he changed his mind before his lips could move. He wanted her to begin on her own.

She sat there staring into her cup, fascinated by the pulp that floated on the top of the beverage. She dipped her finger in, gently taking some of the tiny, soft pieces to her lips, bursting them on her waiting tongue. Again, she dragged her finger through the liquid, gathering even more pulp to deposit into her mouth. It was so sweet and delicious to her, as if she had never tasted it before. But she knew why it was different this time. She knew why a lot of things tasted different to her. The world around her even looked changed, but not as wonderful as the pulp orange juice.

She looked from her glass to Grissom who seemed to be pondering her actions, "I...um..." she almost found herself stammering, "the pulp," she smiled softly at him, "just seems so amazing today."

He didn't say a word as he got up to put his dishes in the sink.

She watched him make his way around the tiny hotel kitchen, his back to her most of the time. She was trying to breath, not let her anxiety about what was to come overwhelm her.

Grissom came back to the table with an apple in hand that he placed in front of Sara, "At least eat this." he said as he reseated himself.

Just to make him happy, she took a big bite out of it, feeling a churning in her stomach like she may want to throw up.

He sipped at his coffee, "Shall we talk?"

A furrow met Sara's brow, "Um..." she wasn't sure about talking just yet. She knew she had something out in left field to tell him that might push him away. She didn't want that. Not now. Not in this hour when she was so deeply in love with him.

He raised an eyebrow, sinking himself back in his seat, "Decipher 'um'."

She met his eyes, "You know when, well, all the time I've known you...um..." she looked at the ceiling for a second, clearing her throat, "you know how you have always been there for me."

"Sure." he said quietly, cocking his head to the side slightly.

"But when I went on days," she dipped her finger in the orange juice again, "I didn't have you anymore. I didn't have you watching after me. Knowing all my moods and my hurts." she looked at him, her finger still deep in the liquid, "I've just felt really alone lately."

He looked puzzled.

She quickly went on, "I mean," she said softly, as she brought her finger to her lips, "it isn't your fault, gil. It's mine. I let myself hide from you when you would come home at night. I just wanted to not ruin your day by telling you how awful mine was." she smiled lightly at him, "Now that I have you completely, I didn't want to risk pushing you away."

He drummed his fingers lightly on the table, his eyes still searching her face, "You know that would never happen." he said gently.

"You never know." she took another bite of the apple, again feeling a tightening in her stomach, "You may have been getting tired of me."

He got up then, coming around to her, laying his strong hands on her shoulders, he gently leaned down, kissing her ear, "I could never get tired of you." he whispered as he began massaging her tight shoulders.

She propped her head back against his stomach, looking up at him, "You sure?"

He squeezed the back of her neck, "Positive."

She smiled and he leaned down and kissed her lips.

Sara breathed him in as he parted from her, gently brushing his lips across her forehead. She felt her body shiver in response to him, but knew it wasn't the time for anything intimate.

"Okay." she said as she relaxed her shoulders into his capable hands.

"So you ran away from me because you were lonely?" he questioned as his thumbs moved up the back of her neck again, triggering delightful tingles everywhere.

"That and other things." she said, now tracing the glass edge with her forefinger.

"Which are?" he asked.

She closed her eyes and whispered something hardly audible to Grissoms' waiting ears.

Suddenly he was squatting beside her, his left hand on her shoulder, his right hand on her thigh, "What?" he asked softly as he looked up at her.

She met his gaze, blinked, cleared her throat, "Pregnant."

The word came out raspy and soft; almost as if Sara were chocking on it.

He looked so blank.

"I don't expect you to stick around, I mean..." she put her hand on his, "I know we talked about kids and I was all against it and you weren't sure and now..."

"Wow." he whispered, now getting up to take his seat.

"I totally understand if you don't want to be..."

"Be what?" he looked puzzled again, maybe even scared.

"I just..."

"A father?"

She had tears in her eyes now that she quickly blinked away, "I know you'd make a great one." she blinked more tears away, "Better than my own."

"Come here." he said to her.

She obeyed, slowly walking over to him. He slid his arm around her waist, pulling her onto his lap, his thumbs quick to catch her tears.

She sat with her legs pressed tightly together, Grissoms warm hand grasping her left thigh, pulling her close, "Why would you think I would leave you?" he again lifted his hand to brush at her tears.

She drooped her head, her hair masking her face, "I don't know." she said with a quiver in her voice, "I just haven't been thinking very sanely lately."

"Neither have I." he said, giving her a comforting squeeze.

"I did that to you." she said as she lifted her head, gently shaking it, "I shouldn't have done that to you, Gil."

He smiled a little, pushing a stray hair behind her ear, "It's what you're good at."

She let out a brief, stiffled laugh, but cleared her throat all in the same moment, "I don't think I'll be a good mom." her eyebrows knotted as she looked deep into Grissoms eyes, "But you'll be a good dad?" it came out as a question mixed with a statement.

"I'll try." he said softly and then added, "And you'll be a great mom."

Sara smiled as Grissom tucked his warm hand underneath her shirt.

"You won't have to try." she said as her hand slid back and forth over his hand, "You're too wonderful."

He grinned lightly at her,"You know that this doesn't get you off the hook of talking, right?"

She looked down at his hand moving back and forth over her still flat stomach, "The baby says it should."

"That figures." he said as he kissed her lips gently, "The baby is already on your side."


	4. Interrupted

Sara stood staring into the waste basket at her feet, her mind trying to erase the images of the tiny vodka bottles strewn about the wicker bottom. What the hell had she been thinking? Had she been thinking? She wasn't at all sure.

Sometimes Sara wasn't sure if, after she had left the lab, she had been thinking at all. She could hardly even remember the cab ride over to the hotel or how she had even ended up on the bed drinking from small bottles. Who had bought the liquor? She couldn't even remember stopping to buy it.

She suddenly felt Grissoms hand on her back, which caused her to jolt a little, "Hey." she said guiltily as she turned to smile tightly at him, "That was a short shower." she kissed him, her right foot nudging at the trash can full of evidence, trying to get it out of his sight.

He raised an eyebrow, "I always take short showers." he said and then his eyes darted to the small wicker basket that was slowly tipping over from the force of her foot.

She saw his motion before he even bent to grab the object. When he came up with the basket in hand, his eyes met with hers, "What is this?"

Sara dropped her head, clearing her throat lightly, "They must not have cleaned the trash can from the last people." she said as she turned away from him.

He grabbed her arm gently, now turning her back to look at him, "Did you drink all this?"

She saw the look of horror, mixed with confusion in his eyes, "Grissom," she reached for the edge of the trash, but he pulled it away, "I was so out of it." she shook her head, "I don't even remember drinking them."

She saw him close his eyes for a moment, a gentle sigh falling from his lips, "Sara..."

"I won't do it again." she said as he put the waste basket back down on the rug by the dresser, "I promise."

He stared at her. It was a look that Sara was so used to that she hardly worried about it anymore. This was Grissom studying her.

"Do you smell smoke?" he suddenly asked.

Sara was taken off guard, a furrow meeting her brow, "What?"

"Smoke." he said again, "Don't you smell it?"

He moved from in front of her, his senses leading him into the kitchen.

Sara waited.

"Maybe next door." he said as he moved toward the door to their room, "Come with me."

She obeyed, not sure that she was smelling smoke or fire.

Upon reaching the outside, they ran to the door to the right, Grissom pounding heavily on it.

Sara peeked into the room through the front window, immediately seeing smoke billowing out from the small kitchen, "It's in the kitchen." she said as Grissom tried the door knob again.

Sara stood back as he moved from the door, back toward the railing. He pushed his right shoulder forward and ran toward the door. She heard it crack, splinter, but not open.

Again he moved back to the railing and then thrust himself forward, the door splintered and exploded back on it's hindges. She winced, knowing that his shoulder would be sore later.

In they both went, Sara checking under the beds as Grissom put out the fire in the kitchen with the fire extinguisher.

"Anyone here." Sara yelled and her voice was answered by a muffled cry from the bathroom.

She entered quickly, not seeing anyone there. Then she pulled the shower curtain aside.

Two small children, red eyed and shaking, sat in the tub. The older of the two had her arms wrapped around the boy. They both stared up at Sara with horror in their eyes.

Grissom leaned down to look at them, Sara still stiff and motionless at his side.

"You okay?" he asked as he looked both of them over, "Where are your parents?"

Sara moved back as Grissom helped the two children, still sobbing, from the tub. He put a gentle hand on each shoulder as he guided them out of the hotel room. Sara followed behind, keeping her distance.

When they finally arrived in the parking lot below, Grissom pushed them toward Sara, "Why don't you two stay with Sara for a moment." he said as he ruffled each childs hair, "She'll keep you safe for a second."

Sara looked almost horrified as the tiny children grasped on to each side of her. She wanted to reach down and hold them, but her hands remained in her pockets.

For a moment, Grissom studied her and then he disappeared into the office.

Sara stood motionless, her eyes peeking down at the two blonde heads nudging into her sides, "Where are your parents?" she found herself asking as two sets of blue eyes met with hers.

"David needed milk so mom went to get some." the girl said as she clutched harder to Saras side, "Then, while mom was gone, we decided to make her some toast and eggs."

"Mom likes eggs." David said as he smiled up at Sara, "Sometimes she eats them with pepper."

Sara found herself smiling at how such a silly thing as pepper could make such a memory for a child.

Behind them, a car screeched into the parking lot. Sara turned just in time to see a bleached blonde woman come popping out of the drivers seat, "What are you doing with my babies?!" was the surprised scream uttered from her throat.

Sara moved lightly as the children let go of her and ran to their mom.

"You really shouldn't leave children their age alone in a hotel room." Sara said, but followed it with an angry, "What are you stupid or something?"

She felt Grissom grasp her elbow as he stepped in front of her, "The kitchen caught on fire in your hotel room." he said, giving Sara a look as he let go of her arm, "I set you up for another room." he moved toward the woman, "There is too much smoke in that room, you'll have to move now."

"He saved us, mommy." David said.

After all the thanking and hugging had been finished, Sara made her way back to the room.

"We're leaving, Sara." she heard Grissoms voice behind her, "Get your stuff."

She packed, hardly aware that Grissom was back in the room now packing also. She didn't care that they were leaving. She only wanted to get out of there. She knew that Grissom had questions about the way she had acted around those children. He probably wondered why she hadn't acted more motherly.

She wondered if she even had any of those motherly instints. But, of course, how could you learn anything, if your mother never really showed you how?

He was asking her something.

She turned to see another look of worry on his face, "Don't forget your stuff in the bathroom." he said now making his way to the kitchen.

She moved like a zombie into the bathroom, careful to check every drawer and under every surface for anything left behind.

She was the first to the car, throwing all her belongings into the backseat, shoving herself in the front seat.

When he finally joined her, he looked a bit peeved off, "You're pregnant, Sara." he said as he pushed the key into the ignition, "That means, " he pushed a button for the heater to start, "no drinking, heavy lifting..." he suddenly slid his cold hand up her face, turning her to look at him, "are you listening to me?"

She stared at him, her eyes taking in the sterness in his brow, "Yes." she said softly, "Sorry."

They drove away.

As they drove, Sara reached over a few times, her fingers finding Grissoms pulse underneath his cold skin. She just wanted to be sure this whole thing wasn't making his blood pressure rise to astounding heights.

"I'm sorry." she said again, knowing that she was appologizing for everything. For being stupid enough to drink all those tiny bottles of liquor. For being idiotic enough to lift and carry her suitcases to the car. And, mostly, for not soothing the children.

His eyes met with hers, "It's okay." he said softly, "But all of this raises a lot of questions, Sara."

She dropped her fingers from his wrist, "I know." she said as she let her eyes linger to the window.

The ride over to the next hotel was extemely quiet. Sara realized that they were heading back, but she didn't say anything. If he wanted to take her closer to home, she wouldn't fight it. She had already caused him enough grief.

Her fingers slid over his wrist again, but this time it was just an affectionate squeeze of his arm. She was starting to feel a bit alone on her side of the car, but being able to just reach over and touch Grissom made it a lot easier to sit in the silence.

She heard him sigh as her hand massaged the top of his wrist.

Finally, his hand dropped from the steering wheel allowing Sara to slide her cold fingers into his grasp.

His fingers closed around hers, bringing them up to his lips.

Sara smiled at the gently sensation of his warm mouth against her knuckles, "How is your shoulder?" she asked as he brushed wet kisses over her skin.

Her hand dropped with his to his warm thigh, "Fine." he answered as he turned the car onto a long driveway.

Sara looked confused for a moment as the car lingered down a long, tree lined road, "What is this?"

He grinned softly at her, "This is home for the next few months."

Her brow grew more furrowed.

When the trees finally parted, Sara let out a gasp, "Where did you find this?" she all but shrieked.

He grinned harder as he stopped the car in front of the large cabin, "I have my ways."

She got out quickly, feeling excited and hesitant all in the same second.

He handed her the keys, which caused her pause, "Where did you get the keys?"

"That's my secret." he said, nudging her with his suitcase, "Go check it out."

She moved toward the cabin, her feet dragging a bit in the dirt as she hesitantly lifted her feet onto the steps. She climbed the stairs, looking back to see that Grissom was still emptying the car. She wanted to go down and help, but knew he would get upset if she did.

Putting the key in the door, she opened it slowly, her eyes taking in the large interior. A clean, wonderful smell met her nose as she entered. Setting the keys on a small, wooden table out to her right, she made her way into the den area. Two small green sofa's invited her to sit, but she declined. A small coffee table sat in the center of a black and green area rug.

Sara moved toward the entertainment center, pulling the doors open, "Beautiful." she said as she stared at the large screened television set. She knew that she would be curled up on a green couch watching her shows soon enough. That was if Grissom didn't disturb her by wanting to talk.

She heard him behind her, truding through the doorway with two suitcases and three brown bags held tightly against his chest.

She moved to help, but he blocked her as he headed toward the kitchen.

"Shut the door?" he almost questioned.

Sara moved to shut it quickly, locking the knob and the two dead bolts at the top of the door. She smiled, knowing that this was the safest she had felt in awhile.

She went into the large kitchen, pushing herself up onto the counter by the refrigerator to watch Grissom emptying the bags, "Can I help with anything?" she asked quietly as he moved things about on the shelves.

He eyed her, "No." he said as she kicked her feet like a child.

Soon he was standing, shutting the door of the refrigerator, he moved his body inbetween her legs.

She felt his warm hands on her thighs as her hands grasped for his wrists. She held to them tightly as he stared into her eyes, "Do you know how much I love you?" he asked.

Sara watched his lips move, feeling gentle excitement throb throughout her body, "I can guess." she said as her eyes moved up to his, "Or you can show me."

She saw his eyes move to her lips and then he was kissing her. She moved her hands up his arms, over his shoulders to his warm neck as his tongue slid softly into her mouth. She moved up against him, feeling his hands tighten on her thighs.

She slid her hands into his hair as he lifted her from the counter, his body now pressed warmly against her.

They were moving, Grissom walking as Sara kissed his chin, his cheek, drawing long sighs against his neck.

Finally, she felt his weight on her as he laid her on the green couch, the light from the descending day filtering through the black curtains.

She was almost panting now.

Her face still buried in the crock of his neck, Sara could feel herself beginning to get that intoxicated feeling from him.

She let herself fall back to the fabric of the couch, her eyes now locked with his eyes, "This cabin is beautiful." she said softly, her right hand caressing his face.

"You're beautiful." he said, now leaning down to kiss her again.

She slid her hand into his hair, gently gripping his strands as he moved his wet mouth over her cheek and down to her exposed neck.

She moved to take off his shirt, but he stopped her, his hand gently grasping her wrist, "Not right now, Sara." he said.

She suddenly went numb. What the hell was he doing, then?

He pulled away, his spit still wet and cold against her skin, "We need to unpack and get ready for the evening."

She sat up as he left her on the couch.

Her head was spinning. How could he walk away when she knew that he was feeling exactly what she was feeling? A desperate desire to be close.

"Damnit." she cursed quietly.

"Damnit isn't going to get all this stuff unpacked." she heard him say from the kitchen.

She went into the kitchen, giving him a dark look, "You weren't supposed to hear that." she said, but grinned when he eyed her.

"I hear everything you say, dear." he smiled as he handed her her yogurt, "Even the things you don't say."

She found herself rolling her eyes at him, but hardly surpressing a smile, "I'd rather not talk tonight." she said now taking the yogurt to the refrigerator.

"I know what you'd like to do." he said as he emptied his cereals into the cabinet.

Sara couldn't help but go over to him and put her arms around his waist, her chin digging into the small of his large back, "So, why can't we?"

She watched as he pulled can upon can out of the large brown bag, now setting them in one of the higher cabinets, "Because we need to talk first."

She moved back as he turned to grab up another bag.

"Griss..." she said softly, "you can't start something like that and not finish it."

He eyed her, then turned to empty the bag, "It will have to wait."


	5. Candled

_**I just wanted to take the time out to thank my reviewers!!! All of you say the nicest stuff. I greatly appreciate it :)**_

_**Thank you.**_

* * *

The evening settled upon them quickly; Sara finding that she was somewhat dreading the talk that was inevitable to come. She had told Grissom that she had to clean the dishes since he had cooked the dinner. Now, standing in front of the sink, she dried the last cup and put it up in the cabinet above her head. 

The cabin was quiet.

She turned off the light in the kitchen, making her way toward the steps to the second floor.

Grissom wasn't anywhere to be seen.

She slowly climbed the cold, wood steps, "Grissom?" she questioned as she reached the landing at the top, "Griss?"

She walked on into the bedroom. In the doorway she paused, a small smile inching onto her face as she leaned herself against the doorjam, her eyes scanning his backside.

Grissom was leaned over a large array of candles, taking great patience to light each one.

She crossed her arms under her breasts, leaning harder into the doorjam, her eyes now concentrated on the gentle movements of her lover.

She smiled wider as she watched him place each candle on the fireplace mantle, carefully spacing them out so that each one cast its' own soft glow on the wall.

A gentle warmth filled Sara's body as she watched him bring more candle's out of a box at his feet, now placing them on the dresser.

She felt like she was watching him at a crime scene. He had that careful, hesitant ease about him that made her heart flutter.

She smiled at him as his eyes met with her own, "Was Yankee Candle having a sale?" she teased lightly.

He continued his lighting of the wicks, his concentration so focused, that Sara found herself hypnotized by the slow flick of his thumb against the lighter.

"I know you like candles." he finally said as he walked over to her, gently cupping her face in his hands in order to brush his lips past her own, "I'm going down for some water. You want anything?"

"No." she said softly, her eyes still locked with his eyes.

"I'll be right back." he said, sliding his hand across her stomach as he left the room.

She heard his footfalls on the steps behind her.

Looking around the room, Sara suddenly felt at peace. Her whole body was slowly relaxing in the realization that they were completely and utterly alone. No job to disturb them. No neighbors with loud music to wake them in the middle of the night. Nothing but silence and dreamy smells.

She dipped her nose into a few of the candles, inhailing the splended fragrances. Vanilla, cinnamon, cookies. She smiled as she looked about the room at the soft glow. It seemed to be creeping under her flesh, making a new layer of skin to protect her from her demons.

She dressed for bed quickly, knowing that Grissom would be back up soon.

When he came back into the room, Sara was in bed, her hands protectively over her stomach, her fingers tracing little paths from her belly button over to her side.

She smiled at him as he came around the bed, two bottles of water tucked under his right arm and a coloring book and crayons tucked under his left.

She laughed lightly,"I'm not entirely sure that our child can color just yet." she said as she pulled her shirt back down over her bare waist and moved to lay on her side.

"It's not for our child." he raised his eyebrow as he laid the coloring book in front of her on the bed, "It's for you."

Sara flipped through the book, "You've finally lost your mind, haven't you?" she said as she glanced down at page after page of outlines, "I've finally pushed you over the edge."

He placed the crayons beside the book, "Pick out five pages and color them." he took off his sweatshirt, throwing it into the corner.

She watched him as he went over to the dresser.

"You know," she said as she let her eyes take in all the wonderful, taunt flesh of his back, "you really don't have to get dressed."

"Color." was his reply as he reached into the drawer and pulled out another sweatshirt.

She turned herself onto her stomach, her nimble fingers still turning page after page.

Settling upon a picture of a dog, she began to color it, "By the way," she said as she colored in the nose, "where is our dog?"

"Catherines." Grissom said.

She could feel his weight on the end of the bed near her feet, "You left Hank with Catherine?" she began to color in the body of the mutt," I thought she hated dogs."

"She did it for Lindsey." he said, "It may keep the kid out of trouble."

Sara finished the dog, quite pleased with the outcome. Now she found herself flipping through the pages again, "He'll miss us." she said as she found another picture.

"He'll be fine." Grissom said from somewhere behind her.

Twenty minutes later, Sara handed him the book with her five colored pictures, "Done doctor." she said with a small smile on her lips, "What else do you have for me?" she raised an eyebrow at him playfully, "Ink splotches?"

He nodded his head, a bit of a grin edging the corner of his lips, "Maybe." he said as he tucked the book and the crayons into his nightstand drawer.

"Hey," she said as she pushed herself up on her knees, "that was art at it's best and all you can do is stuff it into that drawer."

"I'll look at it later." he said, now climbing into bed. He had put on dark blue sweats and a white undershirt.

Sara still had her eyes on his chest, eventhough it was covered now.

Seated still on her knees, she moved closer to him, pressing her knees up against his thigh, 'The candles are a great touch."

For a second he just watched her and Sara knew that he was trying to figure out if she was going to be ready to talk.

She wasn't really ready. She was in a more frisky mood right now. And he usually loved her wild, silly demeanor.

But not tonight.

She would have to put her playful side away and save it for a time when Grissom was more willing to ablige it.

Right now he looked serious.

She seated herself, again placing her hands on her flat stomach, gently moving them back and forth over the thin material of her shirt.

"Your parents were nice, weren't they?" she asked as she looked over at him, he was staring out in front of him, his body nestled into the pillows behind him.

"I suppose." he said, still not looking at her.

She looked back out in front of her at the dresser, the candles all flickering softly, "Mine weren't always so nice."

She looked at him, his eyes came to hers, "Go on."

She shrugged and was extremely calmed when Grissoms hand found her own. She slid her right hand back and forth now over his skin, just happy to have his warmth against her, "You need to cut your nails."

"Sara." was his reply.

"Okay." she said as his grip became tighter on her hand, "My mom," she began, trying to clear her throat, along with the fear that was stuck there, "she wasn't very nice at all."

Not really even thinking about it, she moved nearer to Grissom, his arm immediately pulling her closer to his side, her head now tucked protectively under his chin, "Go on." he said again.

She cleared her throat again, causing Grissom to squeeze her gently, "So..." she felt her voice giving way a bit, "she...um...well..." she cleared her throat again, "Dad got most of the early stuff. I was so young and I guess mom just didn't think hitting a small child was correct. So, dad got the abuse." she shrugged under Grissoms hand, "I just watched."

The room was silent.

"Until dad started to go on a lot of trips for work." she quietly began to rub her hands on her stomach again, "I remember the first time..." she paused as she bit down on her lip. She wasn't going to cry, "Mom needed help ironing. I was like nine or something." she sniffled a laugh, "I mean what kind of nine year old knows how to iron?"

The candles flickered around them as if to agree with Sara.

"So, I was helping her and thinking I was doing a pretty good job." Sara pushed herself deeper into Grissoms side as if to burrow there for protection, "I guess I wasn't. I mean, I do remember the blouse being extremely wrinkled. I swear she had slept in it or something. I just don't know. Anyway, the point is that she told me it wasn't right. And then she told me to hold it on the ironing board and she would show me how to do it correctly." Sara let out a long breath, clearing her throat again, "So, I put my hands on the sleeves and waited. It was strange..."she saw a flash of the moment in her head, felt the seering pain, "I could see that the iron was coming more toward my arm than it was toward the blouse, but I didn't move it. I didn't pull my arm away until I felt the hot sting of the iron coming down on my flesh."

She felt Grissom pull her closer to him, "She burned you with the iron?"

"She was crazy." Sara knew she sounded far away. Her mind now locked in that moment. The moment her whole world changed from lonely to terrified.

"And this abuse continued?" he asked.

"Yeah." she said softly, "That's why I am worried that maybe I will be like her." she pushed herself up, now sitting indian style with her knees tucked into Grissoms side, "That's why I didn't touch those kids today." she offered a small, fragile smile, "I didn't know if my hands would betray me."

"Sara," he said as he turned her hands over in his lap, "these are good hands."

She stared at them for a moment, "I'm not sure that they are."

"I am." he said.

She looked him in the eyes and was surprised when he pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around his backside as he locked her in an enormously strong hug.

This is what she had needed for so long.

He held her for what seemed to Sara like hours.

"Honey." he finally said as Sara gently let her arms fall from around his neck, "There's more, isn't there?"

She pushed herself back onto the sheets of the bed, her legs long and stretched out over Grissoms thighs. He gently began to massage her ankles.

"Dad ignored the signs." she said as she watched his fingers moving over her pale flesh, "He planned even more trips and started to work enormous amounts of overtime."

"You couldn't tell someone at school?" he eyed her.

"No." her voice quivered lightly.

After a few moments of silence, Grissom patted her leg and smiled gently at her, "Go get the nail clippers from my bag."

Sara felt relieved that she was off the hook for now. And she was overjoyed that she hadn't become a sobbing mess on him.

She came back to the bed with the clippers drawn, "You ready?"

They sat knees to knees as Sara began to clip away Grissoms nails. Each time she finished with the nail, she would bring that finger to her lips and kiss it.

When she finished, he took the clippers and placed them on the nightstand beside his bottle of water.

"Is that the end of our session?" she said softly, her hand reaching for his hand, just to hold.

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?" was his question as he took a few drinks of his water.

Sara climbed back onto his lap again, her hands against the warmth of his chest, "I didn't want to chase you away."

She slowly let her hands slide down the thin material of his shirt.

"You know now that you won't chase me away, right?" he said as he clicked off the light on his nightstand.

She slid her hands up underneath his shirt, thankful for the soft heat emanating from his skin. She pushed her hands up his stomach, the shirt gently lifting higher and higher, exposing so much of his wonderful flesh.

He pulled his shirt off, Sara leaning down to kiss his chest eagerly, her pulse quickening at the smell of his skin.

Suddenly, his mouth met with her own and Sara could feel that Grissom wasn't going to make her wait this time.

His hands slid up her shirt, disposing of it out to the side of the bed.

They locked in another heated kiss.

Their love making was so incredibly passionate that Sara could hardly catch her breath and when she finally did, she realized that she felt whole again. Something inside her was fixed.

Afterward, he held her.

"When will I know the results of my coloring test?" she said as his hands found the warm flesh of her stomach.

"I'll look over it tomorrow." was his reply, warm and soft against the back of her neck.

"Will you hang my art on the refrigerator?" she teased as she lifted her head to try to get a look at him.

He squeezed her closer,"That," he protectively laid his hand flat against her stomach, "and a gold star."


	6. Colored

_-The coloring book was just something that came up. I don't know. I just write and sometimes my brain leads me into weird territory. I was somewhat surprised when my fingers typed up 'coloring book'. I was like...what the hell...where the heck did he get a coloring book from? Then I had to think of what he would be doing with that book and if it had something to do with Sara. It was a bit strange for me too. Stupid imagination and it's stupid tricks :) Bad Brain!!! _

_My brain has 'CAUTION' tape around it. No one is safe inside my head :)_

_Thanks so much for all reviews. You guys are uber nice :)_

Sara found herself drapped around Grissom's sleeping form. Her nose buried in the soft hair at the nape of his thick neck. She let her wet lips linger in moist kisses over his skin, breathing in every inch that was exposed to her mouth, "I love you." she said warmly against his shoulder.

He groaned something in his sleep that made her smile lightly.

Getting out of bed she trudged toward the bathroom, her feet leading her straight to the shower. She still felt a bit dirty from what they had done the night before. Well, the two times they had done it. Or was it three. She wasn't sure.

Her legs still felt like jelly so, she reasoned as she stepped into the shower, it must have been three.

Moments later when he stepped into the shower with her, she reasoned that it could be going on four.

He smiled softly at her as he poured shampoo onto his waiting palm and began to lather up her hair, "How are you feeling?"

She smiled lightly, her back being pelted with the water from the shower head, "Good."

He moved the lather up her strands, pulling her hair up on top of her head. His thick fingers massaged her scalp as he worked the lather into thicker foam. She closed her eyes, taking in the feel of his wonderful touch, "I love you." she said as he dug into the back of her skull with those capable digits, "So much."

Seconds later she felt him push her back into the spray of the shower, her hands now moving to wash the lather away.

As she rinsed, she watched him cleaning himself. She reached out and took the soap from him, "I'll do your back." she let him turn so that now her hands worked the soap into a slow, thin lather on his skin, "How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful." he said, his hands now plastered on the tile wall in front of him to hold his body up as Sara skillfully washed him, "But this isn't about me."

Sara sighed as she moved her right hand up to the base of his neck and squeezed lightly, "I'm fine."

He turned, taking the soap to wash his chest, "I'll be the decider of that."

She raised an eyebrow, but laughed his comment off as he threw his arms around her and pressed her back under the shower water. They both focused on each other as their hands worked to relinquish all skin of any soap residue.

Sara was first out of the shower, covering her thin frame with a large, blue towel. He came next; Sara handing him a matching blue towel, "Are we going to do everything together today?" she asked as he slid his mouth against hers for a tiny kiss.

"My rules." he said as he toweled off his mop of hair.

She drew her arms across her chest, "How come?" she looked quizzical and beautiful all at the same time.

Grissom kissed her again, before moving past her into the bedroom, "Grissom says."

"Like 'Simon says', but with your name." she stated, "I don't think I want to play that game."

Sara wasn't sure if he was being playful or being serious. The coloring book thing had seemed cute and childishly fun at first, but judging by his feedback it had been a bit more serious.

She paused at the door of the bathroom watching him make the bed, "I'm not going to run away again." she said softly as she pushed the terry cloth towel more securely across her chest, "I mean," she smiled nervously, "where would I go?"

Grissom eyed her from his leaned over position next to the bed, "I don't know." he said as he pulled the comforter up to cover the emerald green pillows, "I'm sure you could figure something out."

Sara felt a sting of pain in her heart. He was worried that she would run again.

She walked over and seated herself on the half made bed, "Griss..."

"Let's get some breakfast." he said, ignoring her faint plea.

The breakfast meal was quiet. Sara kept looking across the table at Grissom who was typing away at his laptop. She felt like she was a million miles away from him at the moment.

"I know I hurt you." she said as she bit into a plump strawberry, the juices skimping down her pale chin, "But I didn't mean to."

The keys clicked.

Sara sighed deeply, "I'm sorry about running."

"Everyone at the lab says hello." he said, his eyes still on the screen and not on Sara, "Especially Greg." Grissom eyed her then, "I think he still wants you."

Sara rolled her eyes, but smiled, "Tell them all hello."

"And Greg?" Grissom gave her a faint grin.

Sara was thankful for the easy conversation and the slight change in Grissom's mood. She grinned, "Tell him what I look like naked." she laughed lightly as Grissom's grin broke into a wide smile.

Grissom began to click away at the keys again, a glint in his eyes, "She is so beautiful." he began to say out loud, "And to touch her..."

Sara kicked his knee playfully with her foot, "Don't." she said as she stuffed another strawberry into her mouth.

"To touch Sara is truly sinful." he gave Sara a slight grin, "But, my dear Greggo, if you ever touch her..."

Sara choked on the strawberry, spitting the half eaten thing out into her napkin, "You really better not be writing all that." she said as her toes dug into his kneecap.

"I will have to break you over my knee like the dirty boy that you are." he finished.

Suddenly, Sara felt a blinding river of bile building in her throat. She got up and rushed to the bathroom.

When she came back into the room fifteen minutes later, Grissom was paused over the coloring book. He looked overly serious as he stared down at the blackened picture.

"What is that?" she questioned as she seated herself back at the table.

He pushed the opened book over to her, "You don't remember doing this one?"

Sara stared down at the page covered in black crayon. Whatever picture had been on the page was buried now under mad scribbles of black wax.

She pushed the book back over to him, "No."

He eyed her as she leaned herself back into the wood backed chair, "You're the only one who has ever colored in this book."

Sara hugged her knees to her chest, "Obviously not." she said.

"The picture underneath was a car." he said softly, his eyes roving her face, "Does that mean anything to you?"

All of a sudden Sara was interested in the lint on her knee, "The whole thing in the desert." she said without looking at him, "Or had you forgotten?" she said softly.

"Was there anything any further back than that?" he asked as Sara picked invisable lint off her leg.

Her jaw seemed to clinch uncontrollably, "I really don't think you want to hear about that." she said, her arms now wrapped around her legs again.

The room was quiet as Grissom got up. He moved on into the den without a word to her.

When she heard the fireplace spark to life, she followed him into the dark room, "Are you cold?"

"A bit." he said as he worked to get the fire to lick at the logs in just the right way, "Why don't we sit on the couch for a bit?"

Sara hesitated, her mind still on the blackened picture of the car.

Grissom seated himself on the couch, "Come sit." he said.

She walked over to him, letting her thin frame settle itself beside Grissom. Seconds later she was laid out on the couch with her face on Grissom's warm thigh, "I know you think this is going to get me to talk." she said as she stared at the flames licking at the logs in the fireplace.

"No." he said as he gently massaged the back of her neck, "I just thougth it might relax you."

"Did I not look relaxed?" she said softly, her lips hot against his thigh.

"Let's just relax together." he said now sliding his warm fingers up and down her back.

Sara breathed in the scent coming off his clean jeans. He must have just pulled them from the dryer because they smelled so wonderfully of the dryer sheet she had thrown in with them, "Did your parents ever tell you they loved you?"

"All the time." he said quietly as his fingers began to massage her scalp, "But people tell each other they love them in different ways, Sara."

"So," she burrowed her head deeper into Grissom's thigh, "my mom's abuse to me was somehow how she loved me?"

The room was quiet except for the crackle of the fire.

"No baby." he said so softly, "No."

"How do I understand it?' she squeezed his knee, "How do I make it all go away?"

"Talk about it." he said as he brushed a stray hair from her eye, "Talk to me about all of it."

Sara sighed, reaching up for his hand, she brought the palm down to her lips, "Her car always smelled of cigarettes."

Grissom let his thumb travel the length of her lips, "Your mother's?"

"Yes." she let his hand go, now burying her right palm underneath his heated thigh.

"Go on." he whispered as he gazed down at her troubled expression.

"The glow of the cigarette lighter always made me quiver." she slid her left hand over his thigh, squeezing gently, happy to have him there with her. The fire and Grissom's warm body were melting her barriers, "She loved using hot things."

"What does that mean?" his knuckles were kneading gently down her spine, "What did she do to you, baby?"

Sara sighed, "I told her I would walk to school, but mom wouldn't have it. She had followed me in the car and when I had arrived there she had told me if I didn't let her drive me there would be hell to pay."

Grissom increased the pressure of his knuckles against the back of her body, "Where was your father?"

"Away." she almost squeaked, "But that doesn't matter. I think she would have done it whether he was there or not. She would have figured out how to do it."

The fire crackled, rose higher.

"She told me not to wear shoes in her car because she just had it cleaned." Sara raised her eyebrow, trying to look up at him from her place on his thigh, "I didn't mind that." she smiled crockedly at him, "I hated shoes."

He let a small smile creep onto his lips, but it faded as soon as her warm head hit his thigh again, "And?"

"I got in the car and she immediately wanted to see the bottom of my feet." Sara squeezed his leg hard, "She had to make sure they were clean. I lifted them together leaning back on the passenger side door..."

His hand moved to the back of her neck, where he gently squeeze her tight muscles.

"She lit her cigarette and then..." Sara shifted on the couch, "she pushed the cigarette lighter into my foot."

Impulsively, Sara pulled both her feet up and buried them under the cushion of the couch.

"She did this every morning for three years." Sara said softly, her eyes blinking at the fire, "And then she killed my father on the night he realized what she was doing to me."


End file.
