Big Time Rush My Sweet lullaby

Logan's Pov

I slowly crept down the hall to make sure he wasn't in sight. i looked from side to side and began to head down the stairs for the door. "dad..where are you?"i poked my head out from the stairs. "right here."he pushed me down a flight of stairs and i landed harshly onto the wooden floor. my father ran towards me with a belt in his hand and i tried to crawl away,but he was already by my side. "maybe beating you would teach you a lesson."he sneered before hitting me hard with the belt. i screamed out in pain as he kept hitting me violently. i kept staring down into the floor,hoping this would end. "Logan?"my father sneered,but i ignored him and kept looking at the floor. "look at me when i am talking to you!"he smacked me across the face with the belt and grabbed a fist full of my hair so i would face him. "promise me you will never see that boy again and i wont kill you."he hissed deathly. "you can hurt me all you want but i will never listen to you."i hissed under my breath. he punched me hard in the face and i spit out a mouth full of blood. he grabbed a loosen tv wire and slapped me in the face,making a large scar across my cheek. he slapped me multiple times all over with the wire until blood soaked my clothes. he grabbed a picture frame,then my head and smashed my face into it until it was nothing but small pieces of glass. he picked me up by the leg and flung me over to a wall,making me clutter on the floor like a knife being dropped. he grabbed a hold of my arm and began to twist it and i started to scream. "will you listen to me now..?"he hissed like a snake in my ear. "never."i cried out. he twisted my arm hard and a loud crack was heard. i began to wail in pure agony. "now get up to your room and clean your Fagot self up. i don't want you all bloody later when i beat you again."he slapped me in the face again with the whip and i crawled up the stairs slowly to my room. a large puddle of blood followed me as i limp-crawled into my room. i collapsed on the floor,my blood surrounding me. i turned over on my back and stared up at the ceiling. ever since i have been going out with Carlos..my dad thinks that it's a bad idea for me to do so and he beats me so i would listen to him and break up with Carlos. he is the only one who understands and listens to me. i crawled up into my bed and stared out into the gray and raining atmosphere and hugged my knees. i haven't seen Carlos in over a year now since the beating started..i miss him so much. i cried silently into my bloody hands and listened to the rain plummet outside gently. i got out a knife and a paintbrush and slit my wrists open. i cringed at the pain and let the blood flow onto the paintbrush. i dragged the blood coated brush across my wall,drawing and writing words that describe the world as i live in. the words formed into a bruised and scared skull with a broken heart inside. i painted a heart and smeared it with my hand,turning it into what looks like fire. i cried out in pain and threw the brush at the wall. i collapsed onto the bloody floor and tears flowed down my eyes onto my cuts,infecting them. i grabbed the knife off of my bed and cut deeper into the wounds. if only i would have the courage to stab this deep into my heart and end it all..but i know Carlos would miss me...i cant go alone without my love. i curled up in a ball on the floor and cried silently to myself. i picked up a photo of Carlos hugging me dearly. tears fell onto the photo,turning it moist and smeared. i crumpled the photo in my hand and threw it at the wall. until i passed out.

Well, I know the feeling

Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge

And there ain't no healing

From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

I'm telling you that

It's never that bad

And taking that something is where at

Lay down on the floor

And your not sure

You can take this anymore

I was driving home from school in the dark and rain,not wanting to go back to hell and deal with my father. i want to run all the way back to Minnesota and jump into Carlos's arms and stay there forever. tears streamed down my cheeks as i kept thinking of the happy times i had with Carlos. "i'd like to...dedicate..this song to...Logan Mitchell."the radio blurred. i gasped and turned up the radio slightly. it was him..he was singing my favorite song..just for me. the tears in my eyes made my vision blurry and my driving became crooked. i noticed black,thick smoke flowing up into the air as i drove closer to my house. i parked my car a few blocks from my house and i stopped in my tracks when i saw flames pouring out of the house. the fire screamed words at me as tears fell from my eyes. my mother burst screaming out of the house and my father following her with a gun. i hid behind a tree and watched the scene that played before me. my mother tripped onto the ground and my father turned her over and held the gun to her chest. "you filthy bitch,i hope you learn you lesson of having an affair with another person."he hissed and tightened his fingers around the trigger. there was nothing i could do..it was going to happen and i was the next one to die. i saw my mother look at me with frightening eyes. "don't shoot!"i cried out. he turned around and aimed the gun at me. "do you want to be first?"he crept towards me. i gulped and walked backwards into the tree. "get away from HIM!"my mother slapped the gun out of his hand and it slid across the flooded grass. my father picked her up by the neck and began to choke her. lightening struck the sky and it hit the house,making the flames even bigger. i grabbed my mother's hand and yanked her out of my father's grip. "fine,i don't care if i kill you both at once."he picked the gun back up and aimed at me. i closed my eyes and gripped my mother's hand in fear. the loud gun shot went off..but nothing happened. i heard something collapse before me. i opened my eyes and found my blood soaked mother in front of me. i knelt down beside her and checked her pulse. no results..i lied her shivering hand on her chest and looked up at my father. "how could you?"i shouted. "you're lucky i didn't kill you!"he screamed and shot me in the shoulder. i fell back onto the ground and grasped my awfully bleeding shoulder. another gun shot went off and a sharp pain ripped into my thigh. my breathing started to slow down and my heart beat did the same. lightening struck the sky again and it came plummeting down into my dad. he slid across the grass on his side and he began to shake violently. blood poured all around on the grass and the rain began to wash it away. Minnesota isn't that far away..i stood up and began to walk away from the horrid death. i gave one last look at the burning house and two bloody corpses lying on the ground waiting to find peace and i drove off in my car towards Minnesota. i stopped at an apartment building and limped towards the front door and knocked on the door softy. the door creaked open and there stood a half awake Carlos. "Logan..is that you? what happened?"he asked fully awake now. i collapsed before him and he gently carried me up to his room. "you looked like you were beaten..please tell me what happened."he lifted my chin up and i looked away. "my father.."i croaked. "what did he do this time..?"his face seemed to turn angry. "h-he..killed...-."i cut myself off with sobbing into his chest. "ssh,ssh. don't cry..everything's going to be alright."he soothed gently. after a few hours or so of crying,he decided to clean up my bloody wounds. i sunk down deep into the water,hoping to drown myself and die. "this might sting a little."he touched my shoulder wound with a piece of cotton and i groaned out in pain. i sat on his bed with a towel wrapped around me. "are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened..?"he put his hand on my cheek and i nodded. i lied down on his comfortable bed and looked at him. "yes,Logan?"he smiled. "i`m tired,but i cant sleep. would you play me a lullaby..?"i whispered. "of course i will."he kissed me on the cheek and got out his acoustic guitar and began to play softly. "We found him with his face down in the pillow,with a note that said I'll love her till I die. And when we buried him beneath the willow. The angels sang a whiskey lullaby. Lalalalalalala, Lalalalalalala. Life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees. We found her with her face down in the pillow clinging to his picture for dear life. We laid her next to him beneath the willow. While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby. Lalalalalalala, Lalalalalalala.."he softly sang into my ears with passion. i had fallen asleep as soon as the beautiful song ended. i curled up in his lap and held him tight,happy to be in his arms again and out of sight of the devil himself.

So just give it one more try

To a lullaby

And turn this up on the radio

If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone

And you can't tell

I'm scared as hell

Cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes

Well, honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you

Out of the darkness and into the light

Cause I have faith in you

That you're gonna make it through another night

Stop thinking about

The easy way out

There's no need to go and blow the candle out

Because you're not done

You're far too young

And the best is yet to come

I felt protected and secure with his arms around me. i snuggled into his bare,warm chest and sighed happily under my breath. i have never been happier to reunite with Carlos once again. i felt him stir and i looked up at his closed eyelids. i hoisted myself up on my hands and kissed both of his eyelids. he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me with a smile on his face. "well,good morning to you too beautiful."he whispered. i traced my fingers down to his chest and kissed him gently on the lips. i began to pull away,when he put his hands on my face to deepen the kiss. i broke apart slowly and climbed up on top of him,feeling his warm skin. i ran my hands from his abs to his chest and he tensed up a little. "i've missed feeling every aspect of your skin."i whispered into his ear. "i've missed hearing your beautiful voice."he smiled and rubbed my cheek with his hand. i giggled and bit his lip playfully and he smiled. "Logan..?"he questioned. "yes,babe..?"i smiled and lied down beside him. "not to upset you or anything,but...what happened last night?"he whispered gently. i sighed and sat up and hung my feet over the side of the bed. "please tell me."he put his hand on my shoulder. i turned to him,trying to hold back my tears. "well..i was driving home from school and i couldn't really see because it was raining and dark,but i noticed black smoke flowing up into the sky and it was actually my house burning down. i ran over to see what was happening and my dad was trying to kill my mother with a gun. i tried to save her,but other things happened..i held my mother's hand because i knew he was going to kill us both,but instead..she was the one who was being killed. she died as i was holding her hand."i cryed as he held me close. "i`m so sorry..is he still alive..?"he looked at me in a serious tone. "i don't think so..he was struck by lightening.."i sniffed. he held me in such a comforting way as i cried to the rhythm of the rain outside. "i just cant believe he would go that far.."i sobbed. "hush now,beautiful. dry your eyes."he whispered and handed me a tissue. "thanks."i wiped my eyes. "there now,do you think you can go back to your original home?"he asked. "i cant..it got burned down and now i don't have anywhere to live."i began to cry again. "maybe you could live with me. i don't live with my parents anymore and well..you could stay here."he stammered and blushed. "that's very sweet of you Carlos,but..i'll be in your way of making new music."i sighed. "what,no! i mean..you never get in the way of making new music. you..how do i put it...inspire me to make music."he scratched the back of his head. "really..?"i looked at him with loving eyes. "of course,that's why i love you."he smiled brightly. "i love you too."i brushed my forehead against his and he did the same. i purred as we kept rubbing our foreheads together lovingly. "if he's alive still..promise me you wont let him take me back..?"i looked deep into his eyes. "i promise i wont let you go."he whispered softly and kissed me on the lips. something fell loudly from downstairs and yelling was heard. i clung to him in fear and he got up and set me down on the bed. "don't leave me here."tears whelmed up in my eyes. "i'll be back,i promise."he gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran downstairs. i hid under the bed like a small child would and waited in complete silence. someone came walking in the room with black boots that were coated with blood. with every step,it shook me with fear. "Logan..? where are you..? your little friend told me you were in here."the person hissed. no..it cant be! i cowered more under the bed,hoping he wouldn't notice. "i know you're in here Logan,now come out or i'll kill your boyfriend!"he screamed and shot the ground. i swallowed my tears and fear and crawled out from under the bed. "yes,father..?"i looked up at his burnt face. "there you are sweetheart."he picked me up by the neck,pressing his sharp nails into my skin. "i told you to stay away from him,didn't i..?"he hissed and squeezed my neck harder and i gasped dearly for air. "didn't i..?"he shouted and choked me with both of his hands. "yes!"i wheezed and he threw me onto the ground. "do you know what i promised i would do if you went off with him again..?"he kicked me in the back and i fell onto the floor. "yes.."i wailed with tears. "i`m going to do exactly just that,but we're going back to our home."he gripped my hair and yanked it. "but it burned down.."i cried. "that wont stop me from living there."he dragged me by the hair down the stairs to the door. Carlos was covered in blood,seemed to be knocked out,and was tied up with a telephone wire. "Carlos,please,help me!"i called out as he kept dragging me outside to my car. "drive,dammit!"he shouted and held the gun to my head. "yes father dearest."i held back my tears and began to drive back to our home in Ontario. i opened my car door and he pushed me out onto the grass. "get up!"he shouted and shot me in the back. i cringed at the pain and got up cautiously,but he punched me across the face causing me to fall again. "you have till the count of three to be in that house before i blow your brains out!"he shouted at me with hell in his eyes. i ran as fast as i could into the house and cried as i looked at all the burned remains of the house i grew up in. he came in and i cowered into the burnt wall. he picked up a hand-full of ashes and threw them into my face. i cried out in pain as they burned my eyes. he slapped me across the face with the gun and i fell onto the floor. he stuffed ashes into my mouth and i gagged and coughed them up. "swallow them or i'll shoot you!"he screamed. i hesitated for a moment before swallowing the terrible taste and through up violently all over the floor. "clean it up fag."he threw a burnt mop at me and walked away. i kept throwing up as i cleaned up the 'purpose' mess i made in his words. i walked carefully up the peeling stairs and into my room. everything was ruined..even my bloody paintings were destroyed. i sat down on my burnt matress and hugged my knees. this is like living in hell..i guess i deserve to live here..alone. i noticed a picture frame shattered all over the floor. i reached over and picked it up,glass falling out of it. it was that same photo i crumpled up the night i tried to kill myself. it looked a little ripped,but not smeared. i held the picture frame ever so closely and cried silently. "Logan,get your ass out here now!"my father screamed with rage. "c-coming!"i called out and set the picture frame gently back down onto my bed and walked back out into hell. "yes-."i was cut off to a harsh slap in the face and knocked down onto the floor. i let him grab a hold of me and beat me until i felt numb.

So just give it one more try

To a lullaby

And turn this up on the radio

If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone

And you can't tell

I'm scared as hell

Cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes

Well, honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby

Well everybody's hit the bottom

And everybody's been forgotten

When everybody's tired of being alone

Yeah everybody's been abandoned

And left a little empty handed

So if you're out there barely hanging on

I woke up on a floor of ashes and blood and tears. it felt like if i would move my whole body would break into small pieces. so much pain..tears...agony. where was my Prince Charming last night that was supposed the save me..? did my father kill him or he just doesn't care that i am getting killed everyday..? i have noticed that bones were in the fireplace. i crawled over to take a look at the bones. wait.. MOM! no,WHY!. oh god..i feel like a murderer. i have her blood on my hands. it is my fault that shes dead..i should've died for her . don't worry..i'll be there with you soon when dad finally kills me. something tapped at the window and i ignored it and kept looking at the poor dead soul before me. the window tapped again and i looked up from my tears and at the window. it was my beloved Carlos. i limped over to the window and put my hands on the glass. "i'll get you out of there,i promise."he put his hands over mine. 'where were you when i really needed you..?'i mouthed to him. "i was knocked out for quite a while..i woke up with a headache and i had to shake it off before coming here to save you."he whispered with guilt. i put my hand through a small hole in the glass and took his soft hand. he smiled and kissed my hand gently. we both pressed our lips up against the glass,trying to feel each other and he caressed my hand lovingly. he breathed onto the glass and drew with his finger on the fog,'i love you,Logie.' i smiled with tears in my eyes. "i love you too."i whispered quietly. "Logan,are you awake..?"my father called from upstairs. i hated it when he said my name,it sounds like a snake hissing it. "yes,father,i`m awake."i sneered. i heard a whip crack. i shooed Carlos away,but he stayed put. i looked at him with tears in my eyes. "go,please!"i cried and he shook his head and ran off. i turned around and i could see my father's shadow at the top of the stairs. he came walking down the stairs,whip in one hand and gun in the other. "ready for your daily beating..?"he hissed and i nodded,afraid to say the wrong thing. he put down his weapons and punched me hard in the stomach enough for me to cough up blood. he punched me again in the same place,then across my face. he grabbed me by the neck of my shirt and threw me across the floor. "get up you filthy Fag."he scowled and whipped me with the sharp whip. i fell back down onto my stomach and he whipped me again. "i said get up,dammit!"he shot me with the gun and Carlos burst through the window and onto the floor. "if you put your hands on him one more time,i`m gonna fucking rip your damn head off!"Carlos shouted and stood in front of me like a human shield. "thought i finished you yesterday and for good."my father hissed and inched forward towards Carlos. "you wish you bastard."Carlos hissed and balled his hands into fists. "actually,i do wish so you could stay away from my son."my father hit Carlos in the eye with the whip. Carlos started to walk backwards,hand over his bleeding eye in pain. "i thought yesterday taught you a lesson to stay away from him,but i guess i have to kill you to understand."he sneered and whipped Carlos hard in the back and he cried out in agony. i cant bare to watch Carlos get beaten. "stop hurting him!"i picked up the gun off the floor and shot my father in the stomach and he held his stomach,blood flowing from his hands. i was about to shoot him again when he picked up Carlos from the floor and held him in front of himself. "that's right Logan,shoot him to get to me. just pull the trigger and i wont beat you anymore."he smiled devilishly. i held the gun shakily in my hands and hesitated. i looked up at Carlos and he had a terrified and depressed look on his face. "be a good boy and shoot already."he snarled. i put the safety on and threw the gun across the floor. "i knew you wouldn't sacrifice your friend for your life."he threw Carlos back on the ground. "never sacrifice love for anything."i darted my eyes at him. "love..?"he laughed. "you wouldn't know since you have the coldest heart in the world."i hissed. Carlos came out from behind my dad and banged a crowbar over his head. he turned and took the crowbar from him and smacked him across the face with it and Carlos fell to the floor. he was about to hit him again when Carlos grabbed a hold of the crowbar and flipped my father across the room. Carlos ran over and began to hit him with the crowbar repeatively. my father took the crowbar from him and stabbed it deep into Carlos's chest. Carlos began to cough up blood and gasp for air. he put his hands around the metal and tried to pull it out but instead he wound up on his back,closing his eyes. "no,Carlos!"i cried and ran over to his side. i put my hands on his face and tried feeling his pulse but it was slowing down quickly. "don't die Carlos,please don't.."warm tears flowed down my cheeks and slipped onto his face. my father ran over,kicked me away from Carlos,and pulled the crowbar out of Carlos's chest and slapped it across his face. "i`m not done with you."he snarled and hit him again. Carlos's eyes flashed open and he grabbed my father by the leg and tossed him across the floor. my father came running back and picked Carlos up by the shirt. "is that all you got..?"he shouted. i handed Carlos the gun and he shot him in the chest and my father dropped him and he fell to the floor. my father lied there staring up at the cieling,blood falling from his mouth and his wound in his chest. i ran over to Carlos and hugged him lovingly. he put his hand under my chin and brought my lips up to his,earning a sweet and passionate kiss. a few seconds into the kiss,when a sharp pain ripped through my back. i cried out in pain and fell to my knees before Carlos. he went to my side to stop the bleeding,but my father got up and pushed Carlos out of the way,turned me over on my back and shot me multiple times in my chest. he grabbed the crowbar and stabbed my stomach a few times before jamming it into my chest. i began to choke on my breathing and my vision started to become dark. "oh god,Logan,no this cant happen."Carlos lifted me up into my lap. i could hear my father laughing with evil rage. with the little strength i had left,i picked up the gun and shot my father in the head a few times and he fell onto his back. i lied back into Carlos's arms and heard him screaming and crying,telling me not to leave him. "Logie,please don't go. i love you and i need you. i want to get married to you..oh please Logan don't go."he cried like he never had before. i grabbed him softly by the chin and pulled him down to me. "sing me a lullaby.."i said before darkness over took me. i could hear his choked up voice still singing me a softy melody as i lied there in his arms bleeding to death as my soul flew off to heaven.

Just give it one more try

To a lullaby

And turn this up on the radio

If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone

And you can't tell

I'm scared as hell

Cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes

Well, honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby

Well, honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby


End file.
