Supernatural 1. WingSlap

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the fantastic show Supernatural.**

**Chapter One "Wing-Slap"**

"My, my, Clarence."

Meg said with singing voice puffing the pillows. She had to admit that having a _human disguise _as a nurse in this place wasn't bad at all, the place was interesting, _the humans _were interesting to watch in here and she was receiving money and even was talking and behaving like a _normal_ woman. Some of the workers here wanted to get in her pants and some women didn't like her attitude but what the hell. And furthermore the most important thing was that with this she was gaining favor on the Winchesters' eyes. As long as she was _taking care _of the angel they were going to keep her secure and away from Crowley. And for some odd reason, she didn't mind to have an eye on the fallen and crazy angel.

"You really have a thing with ladies." She said smirking playfully and glancing occasionally to him while she took care of the messy bed. The angel was still and silent staring at the wall with troubled and numb expression at the same time, sitting down on a chair by the side of the bed. "All the women working here seem to find you quite hot to look at. Some of them had even dared to ask me if I hadn't gotten _lucky_. What do you think? Do you want me to _get lucky?_"

She huffed keeping her dark eyes on him with that smirk on her lips still. She noticed the way her words affected him. He looked somehow distressed and even confused for the flattering. She wondered if he was thinking that one fine day she was going to rape him or something. She sighed deeply rolling her eyes at him.

"Come on, Clarence. I'm just playing with your head." _I shouldn't have said it like that. _She thought when she caught his absent glare on her. "My mistake." She finished with the bed and sat down crossing her legs and resting her weight on her elbows landing on the mattress. She looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I told _them _that you weren't in your best to _play fair_. I want to _be a good nurse_, you know." She chuckled ironically. "Well, sort of. I don't think that flirting with patients, or, _getting lucky _with them go with the rules. But I think that's something nobody here really get bothered with to watch. Don't worry; I won't let anyone to steal your _chastity._"

_I do wonder if you were a real husband with that wife or yours, Clarence. _She thought smirking and staring at the ceiling just like he was staring at the wall. He was having one of those few good days when her _master_ wasn't bothering him constantly. Taking care of the angel wasn't in fact boring like she had thought. Well, occasionally she really got bored and she needed to go out and do _demon _things and _human _things to ease her mind and make her actual life less miserable than now, but she had thought that taking care of Castiel was going to turn into a torture some day. But that day hadn't come yet. And if she took in account the fact that she had the chance to steal a glance, or more an entire view, of the _naked vessel _of the broken and mad angel, well, it was kind of worthy. The workers and doctors knew that the angel only felt _at ease _with her among all the nurses and so she had his complete care on her hands, including the bathing and dressing that it wasn't in fact a problem because she wasn't _human _and was strong enough. They all thought that she was some sort of girl who had been an athlete of some sort. That situation happened always when he was so out and lost in drugs that she was pretty sure he didn't know it. He hadn't said anything to her either. She really enjoyed those times because well, she couldn't deny the fact that his meat suit was attractive and his body was a delight to watch, especially without clothes and even when he didn't have the body of Sammy or Deano, even when she had to control herself from doing _dirty things _to him while he was lost to the world, she had the time of her life. It was weird how she couldn't find the will to take advantage over him when he was like this. Her dark eyes looked at his stoic face and stiff body and they landed on his lips in a tight line. His jaw was tight. She remembered the heated kiss they had shared so long ago and couldn't help to lick her lips in anticipation feeling the memory of his lips pressed hardly and passionately against hers.

_What the hell. I guess I'm just horny. This fucking job doesn't let me have the social life I had before._

She remained staring at his lips and frowned. The kiss had been fucking great even when he was still clueless about it and could have done it better, something she found repulsively cute and amusing but it was the afterwards what caught her train of horny thoughts. It wasn't either the way he had embraced her and slammed her against the wall or the way he towered over herself. She always loved that of men. To see them taller than her and knowing she still could dominate them so easily. Just for that reason she could have done Sammy Winchester. She had felt powerful when she had possessed him that old time. That shit for hunter was so freaking tall. Even Deano was a nice catch to have in a one night stand. It hadn't been either the way one of his hands had landed on her neck and the other had tangled with her hair, or the way the hand on her neck had stayed there after the kiss. It had been the lingering sensation she had after he had broken the kiss. It was the sensation that she had called _feeling clean _that it wasn't only that. Surely kissing an angel was way too different than kissing a human or a demon. And she had done both. Kissing the angel had made her feel awfully _cleaned_, yes, but there had been something else that made her skin to want her to crawl out of it and made her shudder awkwardly. It had to be the thing of being a freaking angel: too much light and all that stupid and crappy stuff.

She sighed tiredly catching the panicked expression of his face. His body had stiffened and his eyes were wider and locked at the corner of the room where she was sure he was seeing _Lucifer_. She watched him silently between curiosity and amuse noticing the way he was listening to the hallucination and how affected he was by it. She wondered what he could be seeing and hearing but she got an idea, after all she had spent time with the _real one_ once. Probably he was tormenting him with all the _baggage _Castiel had now emotionally speaking. The nerdy angel had done a lot of bad things lately; and that was going to make it everything harder than it should have been if Castiel didn't feel so guilty and ashamed of everything. That was the freaking thing when you have a conscience, she thought, it only served to torment yourself or help others to screw you. Meg stared at his blue eyes that looked so haunted and pained and then the angel jerked away like if something had tried to grab him and he fell from the chair pathetically with a hard sound. He had tried to stop his falling using his right hand but it had failed him, he was totally doped and he seemed to have twisted it in the fall. He was mumbling things she couldn't hear and down on the floor kept trying to get away from his diseased mind crawling his way out of whatever he was seeing and listening to. She rolled her eyes and sighing got up from the bed and knelt in front of him. That startled him enough to fling his arms against her but she caught his wrists tightly.

"It's alright, Clarence." She said thanking that drugs were keeping him sedated and weak. She had had enough trouble dealing with him when he was stronger and more focused in reality. He could be way too fucking strong especially if he thought he was fighting _Lucifer_ and all the things this one caused within his delusional mind. Now he was staring at her panicked and with his breathing hitching and quick, coming in gasps. His blue eyes were painted with horror and despair. "Calm down, pretty boy." She smirked still holding him by his wrists tightly. He was trying to free himself being so weak that it made her laugh and almost mock him. "There's nothing to worry about if _old good Meg is here_."

She laughed. The angel's breathing calmed down little by little as he stared at her confused and desperate with a tinge of silent plea that Meg recognized as a quiet scream for help. But she couldn't do anything to help him and she really didn't want to, the only help she could give him was drugs, a lot of drugs, and helping him to not hurt others or himself (or hurting her, of course). He had been medicated with new drugs just last week and they seemed to be strong enough to help him cope a little tiny better than before. She wondered if it wasn't that he was fighting with all his might against the hallucinations the cause of that little improvement. And then she wondered how long it was going to take _Lucifer_ to break through it. He wasn't human like Sammy Winchester; he was a damn freaking angel, so probably he had other weapons to fight against this.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

She smirked at the double sense of the phrasing and hooking her arms around his chest she helped him to get up. His arms that had fought against her before went limp at his sides and she had to support all his weight against her body. That she didn't mind, of course.

"I wish that was the case, you know." She chuckled with sly lips taking him to the edge of the bed and sitting him down. "It will be a lot funnier if that phrase could mean something besides the obvious."

She took his right hand and examined it closely. His eyes started to close and open like if he was avoiding falling sleep. She ignored him and looked at his hand.

"You hurt your hand, Clarence." She stated noticing the swelling. She waited silently for it to heal, but just like she had guessed, the healing factor that the angel had before had almost disappear. She frowned a little intrigued about it. She had noticed the first days they both had spent at the mental institution when Castiel was so out of his mind before his medications were adjusted and he got hurt by his own actions. At first the waited healing was there and she had little trouble explaining it to the workers and doctors, she always tried to keep hidden their true nature obviously but as the days went by she noticed how the healing power of the angel had lessened till it was very faint. This wasn't good, sure, but she couldn't and didn't want to dwell on it. "I'll make it better, you'll see."

She said devilish and blinking at him letting go of his hand. While she went for the necessary to attend to his swelling hand and was fixing him in silence that wasn't awkward anymore between the two due to their strange and unique situation, she recalled the days and nights they both had spent here at the nuthouse. Those hours had been difficult with the angel in crazy mad mood until the drugs seemed to help him to cope with his insanity and he was quiet as a tomb and sat as a statue for hours and hours without blinking. She guessed Castiel was doing all he could with the effects the drugs had on his human vessel and for everyone at here his latest behavior was way better than his previous one just because he was more _convenient _to deal with. In those first days of madness he had dared to scream that she was a demon, something that almost caused her to punch at him for uncovering her disguise but nobody believed him anyway and after times when he didn't want anything to do with her and he called her by her true nature and other stuff that _excited_ her, she couldn't deny it, right now it seemed he didn't mind her presence anymore or he had noticed that she wasn't going anywhere and she was here to watch out for him. She finished tending to his injured hand and playfully smirked at his stoic face and lost tired eyes.

"There you go, _honey_." She said and just out of fun kissed his wrapped in bandages' hand in a sexy manner, always watching straight at his blue eyes. But somehow her eyes always ended looking at his damn hot mouth that was now a tight line. "It's time to take a nap."

She motioned him to lie down and then covered him with the covers noticing the way he was fighting to keep himself awake. She chuckled. She wondered why he always did it if he couldn't win after swallowing so many drugs. She sat down by his side and stared at his form lying on his right side. Even when she had fun being the one somehow controlling his actions here, sometimes just out of boredom she missed the way their encounters had been when they went with the old good line of _being sworn enemies _and he said _dirty things _to her. Well, he didn't know _how dirty they sounded to her_. Suddenly she had an idea and smirked happily.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird" She started singing while she stroked his dark hair. "And if that mockingbird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring" The lullaby she had heard it a lot now here in this interesting place, there was a patient who was a woman in his late thirties and kept singing that annoying song to a pillow she thought it was her lost baby boy. "And if that diamond ring turns brass, papa's gonna buy you a looking glass and if that looking glass gets broke, papa's gonna buy you a billy goat" It was a silly lullaby but she couldn't help to want to sing it to the angel who was falling sleep like a _good boy _seemingly with the rhythm of her voice. She didn't want to think what the _Lucifer_ inside his mind could be saying about her singing a freaking lullaby but she was having fun. "And if that billy goat won't pull, papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull and if that cart and bull fall down, you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."

She waited a moment after he had closed finally his eyes and didn't open them again to stop caressing his hair. She noticed the purple color of his eyelids and the blackness around his closed eyes. She smirked satisfied with her well done job and then got up and went to the door. She let the lights on because now she knew that the angel didn't want them off, he didn't like to be in the darkness. She guessed it had to be with the hallucination plaguing his mind.

"Rest well, _angel boy_."

She whispered with a sly smile at the door before getting out of the room and locking it from outside.

Meg was surprised with herself when she noticed the kind of things that Castiel liked and was afraid of now when he was mentally ill. By the passing of days and nights she had noticed not only the thing about the lights on in his room or the way he liked to sit beside the window better than in other angle on the bed or the chair, or the way he had grown used to her presence, the one he only knew here at the nuthouse that it was _demonic_ just visibly by how he didn't glare at her like before. He didn't eat and Meg tried to force him to do it after realizing that his healing power was lessening and how it affected his health. He looked like he was losing weight. She forced him to open his mouth and at least try on some chicken soup and vegetables, water and juices, with not a lot of result, but even the little amount she could force upon him it wasn't enough for a _normal human _being to live on. Lucky for her, she was the one with the upper hand here in his care, all the other workers had enough trouble with the lady with the pillow baby and other worse cases, so nobody didn't really notice that he almost didn't eat and if he did because of her, how little he ate and why he didn't die of starvation or dehydration.

She was the one who bathed him and dressed him, brush his hair and helped him to brush his teeth and shave him when it was necessary, and helped him to go to the bathroom if he needed it, something that it didn't happen a lot in fact due to his angelic nature and it was most due to the side effects of the drugs that caused him sometimes nausea and the need to throw up. Other occasions she had to fake those visits to the bathroom to appear normal for the both of them. It was a cool thing of being an angel or a demon anyway. She was the one who moved him to sit on the chair or in the edge of the bed and from time to time she had taken him outside his room in his calmest days in a wheelchair to have a walk in the gardens. But she discovered that even when he enjoyed being out of the room and the building and breathing fresh air, he didn't like the fact to share space with other patients there and people in general. He got nervous and tense and he only calmed when she took him a little away from the conglomeration of people out there in the gardens of the nuthouse. Dr. Kadinsky wasn't in favor of giving the angel a lot of times out of his room but she always found the way to _convince_ him. She didn't in fact do it for the angel but because she liked being outdoors too watching at the interesting and amusing spectacle of the patients gathered there. The fact that the angel enjoyed it too wasn't in her interest but at least it helped to the job of taking care of him.

He had nightmares sometimes and that was the reason he didn't like to sleep. The weird thing about it was that he trashed out in his sleep and struggled against invisible forces but his voice didn't get loud enough to cause a big disturb most of the times. So he was fighting, she knew, in his own personal sacrificial way. Other times he talked in a weird language that only she knew it was related to angels and it sounded _kind_ of sexy in him. Sometimes, a few ones that occurred, he cried out and screamed horribly but she was capable of calming him and gave him some medication to help him to relax ordered by Dr. Kadinsky. Besides all this she noticed that he was scared of fire too. A nutcase of a man in his early twenties had set a fire on the garden once while she was with him there and Castiel had really panicked at the sight of the orange flames. She had been amused watching the man starting the fire. And by the way he liked to be outdoors and looking through the window and his reaction once when he hadn't taken his pills on time and had lost it screaming he didn't want to be inside that little room, she guessed he felt confined inside the building. Probably something related to his angelic nature, she guessed, after all he was used to more freedom and space or maybe he was just delusional. But most of the times he was lost in his own reality, trapped far away in the darkest corner of his mind, while his physical meat suit remained still and silent, with exhausted blue eyes staring at the nothingness, drifting in the vacant space in front of him, seeing things that weren't there and hearing things nobody would listen ever, sometimes shivering and looking desperate, pained and guilty, even ashamed and sad, but wanting to be solid as a rock when Meg could tell by the way his eyes locked for a second with hers that he was crumbling inwardly and that the vessel everyone here could see, even she, was just a mask to cover it. A mask that she wondered how long it was going to last against the constant struggling of his mind.

Dean and Sam Winchester talked to her on the phone from time to time. They wanted her to tell them how the angel was doing and she gave them her last report. She noticed how it was Sammy the one doing the majority of the calls and how he was on the other end of the line longer than Deano. She noticed how the older Winchester was still having trouble to forgive his _former friend _and deal with his appearance in their lives again, she could tell it hearing at the way his voice sounded when it was him the one making the call. _Poor little Deano_. Sammy was the other case, he sounded really worried and of course, guilty, because even when the angel had been the one to blame for the horror he had lived the last weeks, the younger Winchester couldn't help to feel guilty for the sacrifice Castiel had done to help him. _Old good Sammy _asked her again and again if the angel was doing fine, whatever the circumstances applied to fine in his case and made her assure him that he was taking good care of him. She could tell that probably Sammy could forgive the angel. But Deano was different and his case was different and his connection to the angel was deeper. But the truth at the end was that the Winchesters brothers cared in some level for the fallen and broken angel and it was good for her because till she was here keeping him secure and protected, it was keeping her the same way and after all, why would she not feel intrigued staying here? She wanted to stay to see the end of this tragic fairytale.

Today it had happened something she wasn't ready for. She had gone to _"have dinner" _like the _common_ thing demanded here and when she had come back to check on the angel she had discovered that _something _had happened while she was absent for only fifteen _fucking _minutes. She could hear the angel screaming at the top of his lungs inside his room in a desperate and incoherent way, probably he was talking in that weird language again, so she sighed annoyed and angry and run to the room finding its door opened and two male nurses inside trying to calm Castiel down. This one was cornered beside the window with bars and was almost trying to melt with the walls in his attempt to get away from the men in white uniforms. He was trembling badly and breathing unevenly and his eyes were big pools of tormented waters. He was terrified. Meg came in angrily with furrowed brow and sly smirk.

"What the hell is going on, Green?"

She asked to one of the male nurses, a man in his late thirties, with red hair and blue eyes and white as the snow. He looked at her shocked at first but then swallowed hard when he noticed the glare and menacing look she was giving him.

"He was trying to break the window, we just"

"He can't broke it, asshole." She simply said cutting him off. The other male nurse raised one of his black eyebrows staring at her in a way that it told her he wanted to do her right now and there. How disgusting. Men were so easily to read. "There are bars in there and of course, the glass is special, you jerk. You should have called me, I was in the cafeteria."

"We're perfectly capable of taking care of"

"I don't give a shit." She cut him off again. This time the other male nurse named Jones with black hair, green eyes and tan skin and about the same age of the other, chuckled. This only annoyed her. "What about you, jackass? Can you talk?"

He looked dumbfounded at her and angered but before he could say something and the other who was now looking nervous could add more stupidities in his favor, Meg huffed with rage and pointed at the opened door. She noticed the syringe the one named Green had in his hand and seethed in rage.

"Get the fuck out."

They exchanged a serious glance before stepping out of the room quickly. Freaking cowards.

"And if you want to run like ladies to gossip to Dr. Kadinsky, be my guest." She said to their backs making them to stop dead on their tracks. "Don't interfere with _my_ patients."

She let out an angered sigh and saw them turning around a corner. They weren't going to Dr. Kadinsky's office. She huffed amused. It was then that she noticed the quietness within the room and turned to the corner where the angel had looked for protection. He had been silent since she had stepped into the room and was just staring scared at her with hitching breathing and shaking body. His eyes were still huge. Meg sighed tiredly. Those stupid sort or men had messed with his job here because she knew that there wasn't anyone really with the power to calm down the angel and keep him behaving like a good little boy than her. She rolled her eyes and went to close the door before whirling around and walking forward with slow pace towards the scared angel who was staring confused and panicked at her. What they had given him? She looked at his left arm where an angry mark of the syringe was still there and it had left a little cut bleeding a little. He hadn't needed it.

"It's alright, Clarence, they're gone. Come on, let's go back to bed." She raised his hands slowly in an attempt of grabbing him but suddenly he noticed how he looked around horrified and soon knew what was wrong. It was getting darker. She sighed and serious went to flicker the lights on illuminating the small room, something that helped the angel making him to focus again in her.

"Come on, _cloud hopper_; don't play hard to get now."

She said with a lopsided sly smirk and using all the patience she needed now wishing to kill right now the two assholes that had dared to mess up in a very _painful _way. He shook his head frantically murmuring things in that language of him and for the first time she really wished to know what the hell he was saying. Being away from his hunched and tired form she grabbed him in a quick movement by the shoulders and she knew she had done wrong because two things happened then. First one, the angel gasped terrified and jerked away from her with unsteady walking turning to the window and scratching the crystal and the steely bars uselessly with utter despair and of course, hurting himself in the process. She tried then to grab him from behind hooking her arms around his chest now a little annoyed and mad but then the second thing happened. Suddenly there was a whirling wind within the four walls and she was _hit _by some invisible thing and soon was flying across the room and landing on her back on the cold floor. She didn't scream because she didn't want to drag attention to what was going inside the room, and she thanked that it was late and the halls outside weren't crowded as they usually were in earlier hours. And even when she didn't cried out of shock and anger and just hissed and cursed under her breath, the bad landing had taken her by surprise and it had hurt. Soon her meat suit stopped feeling the throb of pain running through it due to the hard unexpected fall and she sat down shaking her head to try to clear her mind. _What the fuck…?_

She glared at the angel who was still trying to break free through the window, something that it was pointless in his current state and she noticed the way the upper part of the clothes he wore, the one that patients were forced to use here, was torn apart in his back in big gashes. She narrowed her eyes as she was lifting herself from the floor slowly and highly intrigued and remained quiet and observant. _Something had hit her that was for sure._ But she hadn't seen anything coming and hadn't sensed it, it was quick and surprising but she had felt the strength of the _thing _hitting her and making her to fly across the room and land like a stupid on the floor. She tried to remember what had going on in those few seconds that it had happened and suddenly could recall the _softness and tinkling sensation _the _thing _that had smacked her had when it had touched the skin of her meat suit. She gasped shocked and curiously watched the angel's back attentive and greedily. _Could it be…?_

Then she could hear it, the strange noise within the room besides his hands scratching the bars and the crystal of the window and his quick gasps for breathing. There was a weird noise there with them like… the _fluttering_ of _something_ and she could sense the air slowly but constantly molding in the atmosphere like if it was an invisible fan whirling the air contained within the four walls. Her dark hair danced with the movement. _Damn fucking overgrown pigeon, _she thought as an amusing smirk stretched her red lips. She chuckled and huffed amused and very intrigued and then walked slowly to the angel who wasn't paying attention to her and she stopped mere inches away from his back. And there they were. She wasn't wrong, she had guessed right. She could feel _them_, because they weren't visible for her, the weight and presence of his _wings_ attached to his back, _his angelic wings_ and they were slightly moving forcing the feathers to make that _cute_ sound. She didn't think it and in a quick movement from her hand she reached out and nearly touched the part of his back where she guessed the wings had sprung out. She had been so busy with her cursed curiosity that she missed the way his body stiffened and he looked at her by the corner of his pained eyes and soon he had turned around flinging his arms against her and trying to hit her letting out a scream that pierced through her ears. _You're so fucking stupid, Meg, _she told herself hissing angered for her own mistake. How could she forget that he wasn't to take someone touching his damn wings so easily? But she was more worried about his screaming than other thing because she didn't want anyone coming into the room now that he was with invisible grown wings attached to his back. _What a way to give ourselves_.

"Shut up, Clarence!" She said annoyed and angry catching his flying arms to stop him from hitting her. He was trembling and breathing heavily still wearing those blue eyes of him in that huge and panicked mood. While they were struggling she was smacked again on both her sides by the damn fluffy wings causing a little tornado inside the room. "Calm down, dammit!"

Fearing that someone soon was going to come to check out why the angel was screaming, she hissed under her breath with furrowed brow and rolling her eyes tackled him throwing him to the polished cold floor. She went down with him and soon was sitting down on top of his fallen vessel while he was with his face against the ground still screaming. She heard footsteps and voices coming closer to the door and clapped a hand over his mouth trying to muffle his screaming. The door opened then and she looked back at it with a quick movement almost breaking her human neck in the process. Jones was staring at the both with raised eyebrows on the doorway wearing a stupid mocking smirk.

"Do you need help, Nurse Masters?"

He asked ironically still furious by the way she had shoved his and his idiot friend's asses out of the room. Meg tried to hide the fact that she was keeping Castiel quiet by force and unconsciously her other hand started to caress him in a way to calm him down. She smirked wryly at the man with eyes shooting daggers.

"No, I don't remember that I had called for help, _Nurse Jones_."

"It seems that maybe you're not as good as you thought so."

Oh he shouldn't have said that. The demon stretched her red lips more and narrowed her dark eyes dangerously causing an immediate effect on the man. He shuffled with his feet and looked a little nervous suddenly. She always wondered if humans noticed that she wasn't one of them when she used her eyes in this way. She felt powerful.

"This _is_ your fault. You _shouldn't_ have given him a shot of whatever _crap_ you put in his veins." _Asshole. _He took a deep breath and his face was easily to read then. He didn't like her blaming him. She noticed the way his eyes landed on her legs that were showing off more because of the way she was sat down on top of the fallen angel. Her skirt had been pulled up. _What a shit _idiot. They glared at each other for a moment before he shrugged smirking with mockery that set her in rage. But she cooled down and smirked back slyly.

"Suit yourself then, with the poor lunatic then."

"Sure I will." She answered back not giving him the chance to end the conversation. _What a dick_. He turned around seriously enraged. "And Jones?" He stopped his way out of the room with his hand on the doorknob. "Don't come in here if I don't give you permission."

She said with a sweet teasing voice and watched him go stopping her smirking and act. He closed the door and she rolled her eyes sighing tiredly. _Fucking human prick. _She wanted so much to rip him apart…

Suddenly she noticed that the hand that was caressing the angel had chosen not a particular _part_ of his body. She glanced back at him and looked down a little taken aback for it. She had guessed that her hand was stroking his arm trying to ease him but instead she was touching something invisible to the eyes and that was so damn soft and were unmistakably feathers. And the feathers of course, belonged to wings. She hadn't thought it this time. She hadn't wanted to lay a finger on his wings if he didn't want to and avoided his maddening screaming. She preferred a lot more to keep him quiet than satisfying her curiosity about the freaking things. She immediately pulled her hand away like if it was touching fire. She wondered if she should pull away the hand that was clapped over his mouth fearing that he would start screaming again. But she noticed then the way he seemed calmer now. His body was still tense and shaking and his breathing was heavy but somehow his state wasn't as intense panicked as before. He was lying with the right part of his face against the cool floor and his arms folded with the palms landing on it too. Serious and intrigued she jerked her hand away from his mouth putting aside mentally her pervert thoughts about it and watched him interested. Her other hand throbbed weirdly with the lingering sensation of the feathers touching the skin. It was awkwardly weird. He didn't start screaming and was closing and opening his eyes in a constant motion as he tried to steady his uneven breathing. She remained in her spot wondering and attentive, till she knew that he had calmed down enough.

"Are you better, _my little tree topper_?" She couldn't help to smirk and huff and got up finding hard to move close to the angel when his invisible wings seemed to be sprung out all around. When she wasn't in top of him, Meg watched Castiel kneeling with difficulty and looking around like trying to find something desperately. She noticed the terror creeping slowly again into his face and haunting his eyes. "It's alright, Clarence. He's not real. Nothing is real, just you and me and this horrible room." She chuckled regarding him with amuse and curiosity. She knew she needed to calm him down before he had another crisis increased by the fact he had been injected with some crap. The angel focused his eyes finally on her still stance standing close to him and looking down at his fallen form and she could read again the despair in those blue eyes of his meat suit. They sometimes could talk so easily and others they were so absent she wondered if he hadn't turned blind suddenly by some sort of shit. When she noticed his agitation growing again and the way his body jumped against his will with anxiety, she hissed and knelt down with all the patience she could gather within her demonic self to no go out from the room and beat the crap out of Jones and Green and to not slap the angel out of his panic. He had appeared a lot calmer a moment ago.

"Hey, Clarence, just stop already, ok? Those two fucking bastards won't come back."

She observed seriously the way her words fell on deaf ears and thinking about what had happened since she had came into the room she dared to do the thing she had promised herself not to do again if that helped her to keep him quiet and still. She slowly leaned and reached out and probing the air to difference where his left wing was, she looked for it till she found it and her fingertips landed in the invisible feathery thing over his shoulder. She was focused in his reaction; she didn't have the will and patience to deal again with him panicking again for her stupid advances, so she observed how he just kept staring at her tilting his head slowly with distraught and somehow lost eyes. She didn't like him staring at her like that. _But the little overgrown pigeon was a staring bastard, after all_.

She first touched his invisible wing with her fingertips watching him closely and then dared to use her hand to stroke the feathers. The sensation was highly uncomfortable for her, she didn't feel like her skin was in fact burning but it did feel somehow warmer than the comfortable level should be for her, it was sort of hard to explain and the softness of the feathers gave her chills that run through her body making her to feel uneasy and nervous, and she guessed it was because of _what_ she was but kept going very intrigued and amused. She wasn't going to let some girly sensations to stop her from _enjoying_ something that she never thought it would be at her hand. When she was going to have the chance to touch the wings of a _fellow_ enemy again so easily? The angel let his weight to fall on his folded legs after he was just kneeling and remained silent like he almost did all the time since he had taken Sam's place, Meg suspected it was his way to deal with the _inferno _taking its toll within his head and she kept caressing the spot of his left wing slowly finding funny how she hadn't turned it into something more _suggestive _but again reminding herself that she didn't need him to go into panic mood again. She didn't dare to use her other hand to touch his other wind either. She kept staring with a sly smirk and focused dark eyes at the pale and tired face of the angel. He was highly alert and she wondered why he was letting her to caress the feathers of his wing. The way his hair was combed it was different and unusual in his former self and he looked younger and more innocent, if that was possible due to his current state of mind. His blue eyes were wide and unblinking, something kind of unnerving and his mouth was partially opened and letting out a difficult breathing.

"There you go_, good boy_."

She sing sang stretching her smirk and stepped forward reaching out with her free arm to grab his other invisible wing but this time he reacted and stumbled backwards trembling and looking at her in terror. She could read his lips mouthing the word _demon _besides some others that she couldn't interpret because he was mouthing them quickly. She noticed the way her right hand was numb and throbbing uncomfortably after stroking the damn feathers, but dismissed it. She watched silently how Castiel seemed too tired to kept starting like a mad at her and let his head drop and his body tilted from side to side. She blinked chuckling and then knelt down reaching out to help him to get into bed and sleep, to wear off whatever the side effects of the shit Jones and Green had used on him had on his meat suit.

"Come on, _sweetheart_."

She chimed in trying to hook her arms around his chest to lift him up. He jerked away sensing her approach but couldn't move and remained there shaking. She guessed he was cold. She knew that his wings were still there and wondered when he was going to hide them. Probably he had let them out in some sort of twisted protection or defensive attack, she thought. Slowly once more just out of curiosity and wearing thin patience she reached out in the air for the left wing again and run her fingers smoothly through the soft feathers feeling again all that awkward and uneasy sensations that caused the gesture in her but ignoring them while her other arm and hand hooked around his chest with strength. This time he was so visibly exhausted that he didn't react so strongly or badly and just gasped in fear and his vessel's shaking increased.

"Sshhh" She whispered to his left ear. "I have you, Clarence, now be a good little boy and let's get you to bed, ok? Meg is getting bored and dissatisfied."

She wasn't lying but she knew what her job was here and what she needed to do even if she didn't like it to have the results she wanted in her behalf. And having the angel calm and alive, protected and secure was her job. Her fingers soon were feeling quite funny while they run through the soft feathers but she shrugged it off and waited till the angel was totally wasted to take him to bed. She kept _hushing _in his ear to ease him and wondered a little bored about the color of the damn fluffy feathers and about the size of the wings. She stretched her arm and hand that belonged to the fingers running through the feathers in a rhythmical and soothing way but she couldn't really tell how big the wings were out of only that inspection. She noticed amused and shocked how that gesture had eased Castiel enough to make him lay his head on her shoulder. His forehead felt clammy and cold to her skin. She had to chill out to not push him away drastically feeling really disgusted by his closeness in this particular form. _A frigging cloud hopper is using me as a comfort, yuck. At least our last meetings were kind of interesting and heated_. But she reminded herself again why she was here and why she had accepted this job and got up slowly taking his tired meat suit with her. He was resting all his weight on her and Meg made their way back to the bed at the center of the room dragging him easily with her not stopping the caressing of his wing and put him down not lying on his back knowing that the damn cursed wings were there still. He remained awake for a moment but totally unaware of his surrounding and lost in his own tormented world. The demon then dared to go on with his experiment and search for answers while she waited for him to fall sleep and spare her from her boredom and run her fingers through his left wing burying her hand completely in the mass of soft feathers. The sensations that the movement caused her grew and they were now tinged with a hint of pain but she went on running the length of the wing and noticed fascinated with narrowed eyes how her hand took her from the bed to the floor and away from the meat suit springing the _pigeon's wings._ They were _big_. That was for sure. Their length was something to have in account and she guessed that together the both were quite a spectacle to behold. Probably if he extended them up they could touch the ceiling or be stopped with it.

She had to stop her little experiment when she felt her hand burning and totally numb and soon was clutching the throbbing hand against her chest and massaging it with the other one to ease the uncomfortable ache. She looked down at her hand seriously grateful that at least it wasn't burned in fact. She sat down on the chair putting it close to the bed knowing she couldn't go leaving Castiel with his wings out for someone to come and find out. When she looked at his face a _little _furious about her hurt hand she noticed he had still his eyes opened but they were losing against his vessel's desperate need to sleep. She wanted so badly to smack him right then for playing the same old boring card each time.

"Look at this, Clarence." She motioned to her hurt hand on the healthy one. "This is my fault, actually, for being so fucking noisy but if you _wing-slap me _again, I'll pull out your freaking fluffy feathers and then I'll crash your pigeon's wings. Understood?"

She smirked with a dangerous glint in her eyes and amusement in her red lips. He didn't react in any way and the next time his eyes closed he didn't open them again. His breathing was even and his shaking lessened. After her hand felt better, she covered him with the blanket up to his waist, knowing that his wings were on the way and it would look weird if she pulled the cover up to his chin.

"Sleep tight, _baby_."


	2. Hard to Forgive

**First of all, THANKS to the beautiful people who took time to read this fic. And THANK YOU to the beautiful people who took time to review. :)!**

**Second thing, as maybe you can see, English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P. I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve. :D!**

**To the three pretty people who reviewed, here it is:**

**Canis: Thank you for loving it. Yeah, I like that thing about the conflict, you know? They are what they are and that's something always getting in the way. l'll try to update soon, I promise :D.**

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**And for those cute people who put me in their alerts, THANKS A LOT. **

**See you later, boys and girls :).**

**Chapter Two "Hard to Forgive"**

"Look at that." She whispered as her hands held the newspaper and she was reading it sitting down on the chair by the side of the bed where Castiel remained sat down still and silent like if he wasn't in fact a human being (well, he wasn't, but it was kind of creepy to look at). "It seems your old _bosses_ are running quite a show out there."

She looked askance at him trying to give him the idea that she wasn't in fact interested in his reaction when in fact she was. The angel furrowed his brow slightly and lowered his face with pained expression. She rolled her eyes. She had been reading the last news of whatever the plans were of those nasty horrible things called _Leviathans _and she was quite curious about their actions. The last she had heard about Crowley was that he had been _shoved _out of their path like if he was dirt on their shoes. She couldn't stop grinning satisfied at it but she knew too that they weren't going to treat her differently. She was a demon too even if she hated Crowley and kept a diary describing the worst and most painful ways to smite him for trying to take a place it wasn't for him and for keeping her running away like a fucking coward. Of course, that diary had a part with some pages describing the _ways_ she wanted to _get dirty_ with the fallen angel.

"I guess you don't mind them anymore when you have your own enemy to fight."

_Even if he isn't the real one_. Castiel turned slowly at her and tilted his head in his own trademark way with tired and absent eyes. He looked weird wearing those white clothes. He could have looked even _vulnerable_ and _human _if it wasn't that Meg could still see despite his current situation the spark of power and difference of his species clinging to his meat suit and staring at her through blue piercing human eyes.

"They are there too."

He simply said with that _sexy _voice of him startling Meg enough to almost drop the newspaper. She stared at him a little caught off guard and frowning shocked but she soon get over it. The angel hadn't talked to her straightly since he had been committed at the nuthouse. He looked fine in his most lucid moments and somehow aware of his surroundings but he hadn't talked in a _reasonable _way like he was doing it right now. If he had noticed her surprise he didn't show it. She mused over his words kind of glad that at least he was speaking. This wasn't to be boring all the time. She folded the newspaper and leaned a little towards him crossing her legs coquettish and looking at him interested with a little smirk on her red lips.

"You mean your slug friends?"

"They're not… my friends."

He immediately countered back glaring painfully at her. She chuckled.

"It's a matter of speaking, Clarence." She said trying to keep him in a good mood. "You really need to learn some shit about humans, _feathers_." He nodded once averting his eyes and looking ashamed. "You could have done it instead of being around the planet playing your _last_ _role_ or at least you could have learned how to behave and understand better human ways when you were in your _artistic_ _tour_. You know, killing people and doing miracles, before letting out free those horrible things with teeth."

She grinned pleased and waited for his heated and angry reaction. How she missed this.

"The little I learned it seems so far away right now."

But instead he just said that with defeat and sadness slumping his shoulders. She looked intrigued at him not really expecting this reaction. She had teased and mocked him about his last actions with irony and sarcasm, expecting him to vent out his pent up anger for being pointed out by a demon but he was like a kicked puppy open to catch with wide arms whatever crap others told him about his _bad behavior and little tantrum_. Probably there wasn't any anger within his _sunny self_. And all that it was left was a battered angel resigned, saddened, guilty and ashamed. She had told him lately what the Winchesters were doing in the real world and about the death of their kind of _adoptive_ father, the old man called Bobby Singer. He hadn't reacted at it first and she thought that maybe he hadn't heard her and now she wondered if that wasn't the case.

"You are aware that your favorite _pets _are probably facing the biggest shit they had faced till now and there's a high chance they won't make it this time." She paused and looked him staring down at his trembling hands on his lap. "Just like Bobby Singer didn't make it."

He didn't say anything but she could clearly see how affected he was by her words. He knew that Bobby Singer had been killed by the things he had let out of Purgatory and that Sammy and Deano had lost a powerful and _beloved _ally. After minutes of silence where he didn't look up and was paralyzed in the same position she remembered the words that had opened this conversation.

"You said that _they_ are there too. Do you mean… in that crazy nerd head of yours?"

He didn't answer but she didn't need his answer out loud to get it. She had guessed right. So it wasn't only whatever crap related to Sammy Winchester's vacation on hell with Lucifer and Michael that he had _shifted_ to his mind to save his _friend_ the thing messing with his mind, but just like she had thought, his personal crap about all the things he had done when he had allied with Crowley and had absorbed all the kind of shit from Purgatory. She didn't know how it worked and why his actions were taking part of the nightmare he had poured out from Sammy's mind but she had expected it somehow knowing the fallen angel. Maybe his own actions and mistakes were tormenting him in some other form while Lucifer and Sammy's hallucinations messed with him in their own way. Castiel was feeling the weight of his conscience and the result of the consequences of his actions and he knew that he had done wrong. He blamed himself, sure, and he knew that he had let himself been dragged to that secret part of his self where darkness lay. She smirked inwardly. _You had been tainted, love. And when you had tasted darkness you cannot be totally clean again._

She finished reading the newspaper and didn't talk to him again. The angel stayed sitting there with his face down and his eyes glued to his hands tangled on his lap in that parallel of someone who had been defeated so much that doesn't have the strength to look up ever again. _Poor baby angel_. She just glanced back at him once to assure that he was ok before going out from the room to look after other cases less important. Later she would come and probably if she was lucky she wasn't to be the only one talking here.

* * *

><p>She stood smirking with <em>courtesy<em> at the tall Winchester. It was afternoon and the brothers had come to _visit _her and their _fallen friend_. They hadn't called to warn her about it and sure they had shocked her appearing suddenly at the mental institution. They looked like crap. Not like Castiel-kind of crap, but they sure looked like crap. They told her that they had come because they didn't know when they were going to be able to come back and they were close, no more explanations. If it was a part lie or a total lie, she didn't freaking care. She just wanted them to know that she was keeping the part of their deal.

"Do you want to see him?"

She asked faking naivety and smiling staring at both boys. She noticed how startled they were by her suggestion. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't tell me you rode back all the way just to see me and ask me when you could have just picked up a damn phone and call."

Deano glared at her clenching his jaw and Sam chuckled having been caught. Meg looked impatient at both waiting for an answer.

"Would he… be affected by our visit?"

Sam Winchester asked with true concern. She blinked a little surprised. She didn't know.

"I don't think so. But if you're looking for a way to leave and not see him, I won't tell him you come."

_Probably_. She smirked inwardly. When Sam shrugged letting out a deep sigh and he didn't say anything, Meg looked at Dean regarding his expression but he glared serious at her. It wasn't difficult to read his inner struggling and pain in those green eyes. She turned around and made her way to Castiel's locked room with the Winchesters on tow. They stopped at the door and the three looked through the crystal of the little window on the locked door at the still angel sat down on the edge of the bed facing the wall. At least he wasn't staring at the door yet but he was kind of facing them. He hadn't wanted to look through the window of the room after the little chat they had had hours ago.

"¿Ready?"

She asked glancing back at the boys at her back with a little smirk. Sam pale nodded serious but Dean didn't react and averted his eyes.

"Go, Sammy."

He said to his younger brother with heavy voice. Sam stared at him confused first and then seemed ready to say something but he thought it better and nodded. Meg unlocked the door and opened it coming into the room first followed by Sam. She looked back and saw Dean leaving. _Emotional chicken wreck_.

"Hey, Clarence, look who came to visit you."

She said enthusiastically and faking joy coming over to the hunched sat down figure and stroking his hair like if she was petting a dog. Sam narrowed his eyes questionably at her but didn't say anything and his eyes were filled with concern, anxiety and guilt. _Really. All around there's nothing more than guilt; I'll be drowning soon in a sea of tears._ Sam took the chair and moved it placing it in front of Castiel. Meg stepped backwards and folding her arms across her chest remained behind Sam watching the scene intrigued and amused.

"Hmmm… Castiel? Cas?"

Sam started a little nervous and serious sitting down on the chair and leaning towards the angel.

"I don't really know what to say… I mean beside the obvious." He paused breathing deeply resting his arms on his knees. Castiel hadn't reacted and kept staring at the wall with partially lowered eyes. "I mean that I thank you for what you did for me because believe me, I know how much it means." He paused again struggling with his own words. "I cannot say that I had totally forgiven you for what you did, especially to me, but believe me when I tell you that I tried to understand and realize that you didn't want to hurt me so much even when I would like to think that you didn't have the whole picture of how much this was going to destroy me. Anyway, I can start to understand and forgive because I know you know you messed up horribly and that you let us down and we were hurt by your actions and decisions and" He stopped and Meg rolled her eyes at his rumbling words. "you hurt us and make my brother to stop trusting in others and me to hate you so much sometimes when I couldn't cope with Lucifer in my mind." He sighed tiredly and looking troubled at the man in white clothes. "I wish things had gone differently, you know? Because you were our friend and I still considered you one after you became _god _and we know that it isn't the same anymore. But right now we cannot help you and fix you and we have a lot of crap to deal with, and it has been hard to cope with the idea of you being alive and locked in here."

He paused and rested a hand on one of the angel's shoulders in a comforting way.

"But please, believe me in this, we'll come back and we'll find a way to help you, alright? Just hang in there, and then we would see where this takes all the three of us, Cas."

Sam looked at Meg by the corner of his glazing eyes with serious face and she nodded with a lopsided smile. She could read the threat he was sending to her with that mere look.

"Sam?"

The younger Winchester turned around shocked by the voice calling to him as Meg was surprised. Sam was still resting his hand on the angel's shoulder and he run it along his arm in a reassuring way. Castiel was staring now at Sam tilting his head with tired and grown blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sam… I'm sorry…"

Sam didn't say anything and just nodded struggling with his inner thoughts. He stopped stroking Castiel's arm and took his arm back resting it now again on his knee. Meg noticed the way the gesture had affected the angel in the pain showed in his eyes. But she noticed too the hesitance and struggle of Sam Winchester painted in his face. She guessed that Castiel was saying one of the things that would make everything worse here, words that Sam and Dean couldn't hear because they didn't fix anything and were a cruel reminder of the damage done.

"Sam… I'm sorry…"

"It's ok, Cas. Don't worry about it."

The casual tone used by Sam made the demon to realize that this time the Winchester had said some of the words that could hurt Castiel more. This one looked taken aback and then lowered his eyes looking ashamed and beaten. _It's amazing how some words could destroy so easily_.

"Everything will be fine, Cas. Dean and I will fix it. Just wait. And then, we'll see."

Castiel didn't react. _Surely, they were going to see if they were ready to forgive him but that didn't change the fact that you three are going to be the happy trio you were once._ Meg huffed inwardly.

"Dean… Dean?"

The angel looked up and stared at Sam asking for his older brother. This one sighed sadly and glanced back at Meg who nodded and got out of the room. Dean Winchester was there standing against the wall lost in thought. His expression was troubled.

"The little tree topper is calling for you."

Meg simply said standing there with her hands on her hips. Dean didn't react at first and the demon waited impatiently and already bored with all this sentimental crap but the older brother took a deep breath and with dead serious expression passed her by and opened the door being followed soon my a curious Meg who closed the door after Dean had almost banged it against her without noticing (she expected). Dean stopped by the doorway while Sam was staring silently at a pleading Castiel. When this one noticed that someone else had entered his room he turned as Sam at the door and the angel landed his exhausted eyes on Dean's still figure close to Meg. Sam looked at his older brother and then at the angel concerned.

"You look like shit."

Dean just said in his common way. Castiel hang his face entangling his trembling hands on his lap like he used to do and hunching his shoulders. Sam's eyes grew scolding and motioning to Dean to do or say something else and this one just frowned silently communicating with his brother. Finally the older Winchester sighed thoughtful and got closer to Sam and Castiel.

"Just hang in there, ok? Don't let that son of a bitch win, alright? We'll come back, Cas."

Meg snorted amused and causing both Winchesters to glare at her for a second. Wasn't that the same shit Sammy had told already to the angel?

"In the meantime, you'll be safe here with the whore bitch and don't force the people here to hurt you, do you understand?"

The demon narrowed her eyes and sighing rolled her eyes but she was focused in the angel immediately. Sam and Dean exchanged a silent meaningful look.

"I'm sorry Dean… sorry, Sam…"

Castiel looked up again and with pleading blue big eyes stared at both boys. Meg remembered that in fact when Dean and she had found him as Emmanuel the part of the _forgiveness _hadn't been talked over, so probably that was why the angel was so fixed in it now. Dean had looked around for someone or something to save his brother's life and in that moment it had been logical for her that he only minded that, after all she had her own agenda concerning the angel that came along with her own protection. But it was pathetic how Castiel pleaded at them for their forgiveness when she could see and tell that the brothers weren't totally ready to talk about it. The friendship they had with the angel for years it was the main link keeping them here and facing him, wanting to fix him and help him but the damage Castiel had created due to his decisions were enormous. That was what she could tell looking at the troubling expression of the Winchesters.

"I'm sorry… Bobby died…"

And that was the final straw. It would have been better if the angel didn't say that name. Meg watched the instant reaction in both brothers, both stiffened and clenched their jaws in sadness and sorrow with glazing eyes. Sam got up from the chair and Dean opened the door to leave.

"We'll keep in touch with Meg by phone till we can come back, Cas." Sam just said casually looking concerned at the angel who had perfectly understood the reaction of his last words and seemed a little confused and ashamed at the same time. His eyes were filling with that panic Meg recognized so well. "We'll see you later."

"When this is over, we'll talk. Please, hang in there and wait."

Dean finished after watching silently at the crashed figure of his angelic friend and somehow showing worry and guilt. Sam nodded agreeing with his words. Dean was the first one to leave the room and Sam followed soon glancing back a last time to the angel who was staring disbelieving and resigned at them and Sam smiled softly at him. Meg followed Sam and locking the door faced the Winchesters with serious expression. _Here it come the threat and menace._

"Thanks Meg, I guess." Sam said emotionally drained. She raised her dark eyebrows a little surprised. "For taking care of him."

"Does he talk?"

Dean asked her getting into business and she knew it was his way of coping with whatever had happened within the room and within his own self. She explained that he used to talk in some weird language, more whispering than talking, something Sam called _enochian _and that his healing ability was weaker. But she told them the truth, that till this morning Castiel hadn't talked in a straight way somehow, being more focused and aware of his current situation. They worried when she mentioned the way he had mentioned the _Leviathans_ being there in his mind. They were silent a moment after that.

"Maybe we could have said it."

Sam intervened cautiously and staring serious at Dean. This one shocked his head with battered expression.

"We can't lie to him even if he's like crap." Meg observed both intrigued and quiet. "I'm not ready Sammy, I mean, _even_ _if_ I can forgive everything he did and believe me, since I met him again it had been kind of happening, you know, the damn forgiving thing, the damn thing about caring about him but what he did to you…and… there's so much…"

"I know." Sam said landing a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder after noticing his distress. "I think we all just need time."

Dean nodded with furrowed brow and Sam gave him a little sad smile. Soon the both were gone just like they had come after of course; menacing Meg and thanking her at the same time for being there to watch out the broken friend that only wanted the mere thing his former friends couldn't give him yet.

* * *

><p>The visit of the Winchesters had done more bad than good to the angel, Meg was pretty sure. He retreated to his silent and still shell and didn't spark a conversation again. He didn't succumb to her effort to make him eat something like few other times. It was creeping the way he could probably stay eternity sitting down in the same spot and drifting away if she wasn't there to change that. Late that afternoon it had been raining and the wind was a little cold and it was the first time he wasn't totally doped when she had to bathe him. That was going to be weird and interesting. So there she was in the bathroom of his room while it was raining heavily outside and he was sitting on a chair and she was bathing him in their common silence. She washed his hair with a shampoo she personally liked how it smelled (the fact that she was going to be close to the angel didn't have to mean he had to smell bad or disgusting to her) and then she proceeded to wash his body (yummy, she smirked evilly) and she hummed all the while the lullaby she had previously sang to him just for fun. Silence wasn't a thing of her anyway. The angel just stared with eyes partially opened at the wall lost in his inner thoughts with tiredness all over him. The warm water seemed to soothe him. She had finished and lifted the movable showerhead off its hook running it over his meat suit soaking it completely washing the soup away when she grinned playfully staring mere inches away from his face.<p>

"Hey Clarence, don't be sad. I'm still here." She said faking hurt and laughing ironically. She was leaning over him and had the idea to sit down _on his lap_ but soon knew it would be wrong due to his _naked_ circumstances. But she couldn't help to cup his face with one hand and caress his lips with her thumb softly as her other hand landed on his shoulder gripping it softly. He didn't react. "Do you want to feel a little better?"

She asked teasingly winking an eye and leaning forward till her nose could touch his. Her thumb opened slightly his lips but his blue eyes were not with her. _What a disappointment._

"I can make you feel a little better, _choir boy_."

She closed the gap between both and fairly touched his parted lips with her own in a teasing and testing way. She could feel the old known sensation there, the weird and awkward electricity that came from touching something that her own self considered an _enemy_: _dangerous and disarming_, and when she was ready to deepen the kiss a thunder was heard resounding so loud that made her flinch and jump startled. _Damn electrical storm_. She laughed sarcastically at her bad luck. She just sighed and slightly slapped his wet shoulder.

"It will be in other time, _darling_."

After she dried him and dressed him with his white uniform of the psychiatric ward she took him to the bed. The angel immediately fell slept and soon Meg was staring at his heaving chest. He seemed calm. Then she proceeded to take a shower, something she always had to do after bathing him but this time she did it in the bathroom of his room. She decided to stay a little longer than going to her own place right now. She always kept some clothes for her in his room, hidden of course, just in case, so she took a quick comforting shower, a thing of some she enjoyed of humans and got dressed and combed her hair while outside it was raining, thundering and lighting. When she returned to the room she decided that she was going to stay on the chair just a while before _smoking out _to her place. So she kill the lights of the bathroom and walked to the chair stretching her meat suit and glancing distractedly through the window when suddenly a very loud thunder appeared after a damn freaking lightning that almost blinded her and the light in the room disappeared. She stopped on her tracks just about almost sitting on the chair and turned to the bed where the angel had awakened. Thanks to the lighting coming through the window she could see his panicked expression and huge alert eyes and before he could react she went over to the bed and sitting down took his wrists tightly.

"It's fine, Clarence. The electricity will come soon."

She nodded at him wanting him to stay calm. She didn't need him having a crisis and screaming, bringing the night workers to the room, discovering she was here when she shouldn't, and giving explanations and all that shit, so she didn't let him go while he was shaking confused and looking around distressed. "Calm down, _dear_. I'm here. Shhh."

Well, it wasn't the best a demon could say to an angel to ease him but whatever. It was all she got. Castiel stared at her with distrust growing into terror and that she didn't like. She didn't have at hand the pills she could give him and she couldn't risk leaving him alone even for seconds. Who knew what he could do, probably his wings were going to spring out again. Sighing annoyed and thinking seriously, she let go of his wrists and started to caress the left side of his face with the back of her hand. She used her other hand to run it through his right arm soothingly.

"Shhh, everything's ok, Clarence. It's just a stupid storm. It will pass."

The angel looked at her like if he didn't believe it entirely, with frightened blue eyes and shaking, with his breathing coming in little gasps. The room was almost in shadows if it wasn't for the lighting coming from the window. She soon heard some voices and footsteps outside the room.

"Shit."

Thinking quickly she forced him to lie down and then she did the same putting herself on the side by the window, covering both with the blankets completely, almost covering their faces. She maneuvered her own body to be hidden by his if someone looked through the window at the door and maneuvered his body to lie on his right side while she lie down in her left, both facing each other. She tried to hide under the cover the best she could and let him be noticeable for anyone who dared to look at the door. The angel's shaking was worse now that he didn't seem to understand her actions and found her close presence threatening and before he could scream she quieted him with her index finger over his trembling lips.

"Shhh… it's alright, Clarence. Be a good boy and be quiet." Noticing his distress she rolled her eyes a little jumpy with the adrenaline running through her meat suit and got closer to him encircling her arm over his waist and putting her hand on his back. She started to run her fingers in circles in a rhythmic way. "Don't get any ideas, _love_. I'm not putting any moves on you."

_Well, not at this precise moment_. He just stared still a little panicked at her but seemed ready to fall sleep again. "Close your eyes, _cloud hopper_, and try to sleep."

She went hushing quietly and running circles on his back till he couldn't stay awake and finally closed his eyes. His breathing started to slow down. Meg noticed how close they were, their meat suits were touching. _Great, this wasn't the kind of intimacy I wanted with you, Clarence_. She chuckled sarcastically. She noticed he was dreaming probably when his eyes seemed to be moving behind his purple eyelids. Someone looked quickly through the window at the door and she didn't move. She was grateful that the human didn't use a lamp. It was difficult to see her without it. Whoever it was left and she sighed so deeply that Castiel opened his eyes again looking drowsy. She huffed softly annoyed. He tried to move not realizing his surroundings with clarity.

"Come on, Clarence, you're worse than a baby."

She paused rolling her eyes. She guessed it could work again. She cleared her throat softly a little disgusted for being forced to do this. Again.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird…"

In the passing of the night she fell slept. She was a demon but it didn't hurt her to sleep from time to time. She was still aware of whatever was going on in the room and outside it. The light announcing a new day was still soft coming from the window when she opened her eyes and noticed that sunrise was coming. Castiel's head was rested under her chin and she could feel his breathing on the skin of her neck. He was warm just as she was for him. _It only this had a different meaning_… she laughed inwardly. _You must stop trying to get into the hot pants of an angel, girl_. She slowly and carefully started to pull away her body from his till he was the only one resting on the mattress. After she got up she noticed the frown in his face even in his sleep. _Seriously Clarence, not even in sleep you can't stop your act of martyr. _She smirked amused and then stretching her body left the room quietly not before leaning down and whispering in his ear.

"I'll see you later, _baby_."

* * *

><p>"Come on, Clarence." She whined annoyed holding the spoon with soup. "Try to eat something."<p>

It was midday already and she had come moments ago to his room with the intention of forcing him to eat something. He was sitting down on his favorite spot on the bed and she was in the chair with a bowl with soup in one hand and a spoon in other. He didn't open his mouth and his eyes were fixed in a distant point above her shoulder.

"Deano was right. You really look like crap. I don't want to be blamed for it."

She said smirking and giving up putting the spoon back inside the bowl and watching his reaction. She knew he was going to have one; after all she had named Dean Winchester. His eyes looked sadder. But Deano had been right. Looking at the angel Meg found him thinner and paler, with black rings under his eyes and purple eyelids. This only gave some special charm to his blue eyes but it wasn't healthy at all. His hair was combed thanks to her and he didn't need to shave frequently.

"Anyway. Suit yourself."

She shrugged and put the bowl on the floor by the right side. It seemed today was going to be a boring day.

"Why did you kiss me?"

He asked suddenly with tired hoarse voice and Meg stared at him raising her eyebrows with a pleasant grin spread all over her face. He tilted his head looking back at her with fatigue but showing curiosity.

"Because I wanted to."

She simply said. And it was the true. The angel frowned and looked down at his clasped hands.

"Why?"

"Because I was bored." She started. That was true but it wasn't the _entire _true. "Because kissing is nice. And if I remember correctly, you opened the door when you kissed me back that time."

He looked startled by that and Meg basked in his discomfort. He wanted to say something else.

"Do you… bathe me always?"

She couldn't help to chuckle at that. Castiel looked up from his slumped form with blank expression.

"Well, yes, Clarence. It's part of the job." After the words left her mouth he blinked and looked quickly down with shame. She smirked funnily. _Was little Clarence blushing?_ "Are you blushing, Clarence?"

She leaned towards him and noticing it laughed slyly. He glared at her with an air of hurt dignity.

"I'm sorry you have to do it."

"Oh my, Clarence. Don't be sorry. I enjoyed it. Each time." Castiel stiffened and looked down again. Meg snorted amused. _This was so fucking funny._ "Don't get me wrong."

She winked at him dangerously and he now looked utterly nervous. She sighed after staring at his discomfort and uneasiness rolling her eyes with exasperation.

"Don't start now not looking at not talking to me. I'm doing my job and well, I hadn't done anything to you that you might considerate _invasive_. Last night it was a tiny little thing and it wasn't a real kiss. Like the ones you and I shared once." She paused shrugging and taking off importance to the matter. "I hadn't kissed you more than last night. I swear." She said solemnly. "And if it helps you to sleep better, I won't do it again. I'll only do what it's related to the job."

When he didn't react and seemed still disbelieving of her words, looking up at her with serious eyes covered by his eyelashes she snorted a little exasperated.

"Look, Clarence, what difference makes that I had seen you naked a _lot_, _lot_, _lot_ of times?" She told him casually. "What difference makes that I had washed your hair and your body a _lot_, _lot_, _lot_ of times? It's just your fucking vessel, right? It's just your damn meat suit. At the mere end, you're a _freaking bulb of light _and I'm a hellish black smoke." Sort of. "You're my _little bulb of light_." _In fact a damn burning bulb of light for what I can guess_. "So stop it already. And I guess your _beloved wife _did some nastier things with it."

She grinned devilish and laughed a little. The angel looked up and shifting in his spot he looked like if he wanted to say something but he thought it better. Meg watched him mischievously narrowing her eyes intrigued and with a little smirk on her lips.

"You sleep with her, right?"

"Yes, we shared the bed."

"Tell me you fucked her." She said freaked out and amused after his sincere answer. Castiel frowned apparently offended by her use of words. "Alright, tell me if you _made love to her. _Or in your particular case, _my feathery friend_, that she _made love to you_." She kept waiting staring disbelieving and funnily at him while the angel shifted uncomfortably and looked down. _Holy crap_. "Weren't you married?"

"Yes." He said without looking up. "But it was just to keep me safe. We really didn't… have intercourse."

"Intercourse?" She snorted containing her desire to laugh her head off. "Who are you? Sheldon Cooper?"

He glared at her with that questioning expression he used when he didn't get what others were saying. Meg laughed a little looking at him shameless and making him to shift nervously and glare at her strongly.

"So, this _marriage _wasn't… consumed. She just married you out of the goodness of her heart. And for what I can conclude knowing and observing you, Clarence, that means that you hadn't had… intercourse ever."

"Shut up."

She snorted amused after he keep glaring at her with shame and a soft blush covering his cheeks.

"You have died many times, Clarence. And you hadn't enjoyed life. Oh my, now I feel guilty for kissing you last night. I'm going to feel like I'm raping you whenever I put my hands on you."

She teased grinning widely and when he narrowed his eyes set on a deadly serious face and turned to the window she knew that she had gone too far. She sighed rolling her eyes. _You need to relax and laugh a little, virgin Clarence_. _I better not dare to call him like that._

"Alright, alright, I won't bother you anymore with it. At least we're talking. That's a cool change."

When he didn't turn to her and remained silent she didn't say anything else for a moment. Looking at his weak appearance brought back the initial part of the conversation.

"You need to eat something."

"No."

He just said and she pouted angrily. _Damn stubborn little angel_.

"I don't want to be smitten by Sammy and Deano if you starve to death."

Again the names caused a noticeable reaction in the angel. He was again saddened and guilty.

"Hey, I'm doing my job here, even bathing you and dressing you when I could be sued for sexual harassment." He didn't like that joke but she smirked happily. "I deserve a little of contribution from your part and not the tantrum of a little angel who is stubborn as hell."

"I don't need to eat."

"Aha. Yeah, sure. And looking that crap is the best way to show it, right?"

She rolled her eyes annoyed at him and went to pick up the steaming bowl again. She took the spoon and moved it within the chicken soup absently.

"Look, I'm not fool, Clarence. I know there's something off with your healing ability and from what I can guess it had affected the _maintenance _you had over your meat suit. And I think a way to counterattack that is for you to help your poor battered and yummy vessel eating and taking care of it more."

He seemed thinking it for a moment and Meg knew that she had said something meaningful when he turned to her and reached out for the bowl and the spoon with serious expression. She smiled widely satisfied and put the items on his hands and watched him eating it slowly resigned more than anything, like if he was eating something horrible.

"I don't need to eat either but some human food and drinks, especially alcoholic drinks, are fun to enjoy from time to time."

She noticed how his hands trembled a little. She needed to take good care of him. He couldn't die on her. He was her insurance. And the thing that keep her from killing herself out of boredom.

"They… aren't coming back… right?"

He suddenly asked when he had given up finishing the soup. Meg noticed that he had eaten at least the half. She was satisfied with it now. She took the bowl and spoon from his hands and thought in his question. She knew to _whom _he was referring.

"I don't know, Clarence. They were your friends, not mine." She answered frankly regarding him curiously. Castiel nodded slightly once. Meg knew that he truly believed it and sincerely she didn't know either. "Why do you think it?"

She dared to ask just because talking to him it was way better than being bored with him all silent.

"I don't… know. I just… feel it."

_You think they aren't going to forgive you. _What she could say? She didn't give a damn and more important she didn't have a freaking idea. She had thought that maybe it was possible to happen but with the last visit the things looked unclear and difficult. _It's hard to forgive; _she guessed remembering the eyes of the Winchesters whenever they landed on the angel's battered ones. Suddenly she was pulled out of her reverie when the angel jumped on his spot and was again hallucinating whatever he was and looking terrified. She watched him getting up with shaking body and hard breathing and walking backwards till his back smashed against a wall and he was soon sliding till he was sinking heavily on the floor in a pathetic way.

"Don't… please… stay away… please…"

He whispered like a damn prayer with broken voice and he folded his legs against his chest wrapping tightly and desperate his arms around his knees, cradling himself back and forth. Meg left the bowl with the spoon on the bed and walked towards him staring serious and intrigued. He had buried his face in the crook of his arms. She could hear him being his voice even muffled.

"Get away… please… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I didn't want to…"

"Shhh, Clarence."

She said kneeling down and looking in her uniform for his pills.

"You'll feel a little better."

But she knew it was a lie. The pills helped him, it was true, but they weren't useful to make him feel better. She took a bottle of water from the nightstand and opened it after getting two awful pills on her hand. She got closer to him and putting the bottle of water on the floor she used that hand to force him to raise his face. After doing it and noticing his tormented eyes and quivering expression she forced the pills into his mouth and then forced him to drink water. He swallowed them and Meg closed the bottle leaving it on the floor waiting for the pills to take effect on him.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

But there wasn't anyone who could grant the kind of answer he wanted, Meg knew. Castiel looked at her saying the words but she knew they weren't meant for her. So she didn't say anything and remained silent and still with blank expression in front of him listening to his constant plea.

There wasn't anything she could say to make it easier anyway.


	3. Party Popper

**Hello again :)!**

**THANKS to the beautiful people who took time to read this fic andTHANK YOU to the beautiful people who took time to review :)**

**English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve :D!**

**To the pretty people who reviewed, here it is:**

**siria: Thank you for liking the chapter, and you're right, the tenses are a big problem here :P, I have a confession to make, I almost failed my last English test and it was about past perfect tense! Thanks for your kind words, I'm really happy you like it :D**

**Black-Coffee-Two-Sugar-Please: Thank you for saying that about my Meg and the dynamics between Castiel and the demon. I hope to keep you interested ;)**

**Canis: Thank you for loving it! And for staying of course! Well, who can blame Meg for wanting a piece of the little cute angel? :P Let's see what will come next ;)**

**Megstiel-biggest-fan: Hehe, I'm waiting to write more actions! But I have to take it easily for them to be kind of natural ;) but yeah, there will be more to come :P**

**Gypsy Amelia: Thank you for saying that, really, I'm very happy :), I love writing Meg and I love Castiel's character even when now he isn't himself totally due to his help given to Sam. I'm glad I made you see her in a whole new light :D**

**Holly-Anne Rivers: I hope to see you around, thank you for liking it :) :D ;)**

**And for those cute people who put me in their alerts, THANKS A LOT. **

**See you later, boys and girls :).**

**Chapter Three "Party Popper"**

Meg hadn't been at first at the angel's care. When she was _welcomed _to work at the mental institution she was on probation and attended easier cases, well if here you could consider some in that category and she had waited patiently for a chance to probe that she was the _perfect one _to take care of the man named _Adam Campbell. _Dean and Sam had gotten to the fact that it wasn't wise to let him with his fake name _Emmanuel _because he was already known by it. And they couldn't call him _Castiel _either. That was even more inappropriate of course. His vessel's name wasn't an option. She hadn't heard it from them. So they had chosen to call him _Adam Campbell_ instead. She wasn't interested in knowing why they had chosen it. It seemed the last name was related to their family and probably they were reminded of their _lost little brother_ with the name. She didn't know if they had chosen the full name as a mean joke directed to the angel.

The first time she had been in contact personally with Castiel it was days after she had been working at the nuthouse. Looking at him it was first a shock. She hadn't seen Sammy in his worse days, so seeing Castiel so lost and crazy caught her off guard. She remembered the angel way too differently, blazing authority and power and now he was here like a broken doll without talking and staring at scenes just playing within his troubled head. She had been busy trying to find the way to get herself the job of taking care of Castiel so she was always alert at whatever was going on with him. She knew the other nurses who kept an eye on him weren't really patient or nice with him. He was very volatile in those first hours after his commitment and he had been treated aggressively when they had tried to control him. Meg always feared that the angel was going to do some stupid thing to reveal his true nature but at least he hadn't done it yet. Her opportunity had come one night when he had been acting so erratically that the female nurse attending him couldn't control him. She got out running from the room to ask for help and Meg was quickly there after watching the bitchy woman leaving. She remembered the way she had seen Castiel sitting on the cold floor whispering totally wasted before crumbling like a marionette whose strings had been suddenly cut. He curled up there blinking slowly with glazing eyes and gasping as he trembled. Meg had approached immediately.

"_Hello, Clarence." She said kneeling in front of him and taking his face on her hands forcing him to look at her. She smiled satisfied by her good chance." I'm here for you, baby. Well, in fact for me too. But who cares. I promised Starsky and Hutch that I would keep an eye on you, feathers. I'm pretty sure you know who I am."_

_He stared at her absently and frowned confused. _

"_You're not real."_

_He said with hoarse and weak voice. She chuckled and helped him to sit down lifting him easily and keeping him that way with an arm wrapping his shoulders. He kept staring absently confused at her but he looked so drained that he couldn't do anything else anyway._

"_I'm your favorite demon in the whole world, honey." She whispered to his ear. "I'm Meg. Well, it was the name I chose to stick around, you know." She sighed grinning and caressing one of his cheeks with the back of her hand soothingly. "I'll take good care of you, Clarence."_

_She winked mischievously looking into his blue tired eyes._

"_Meg?" _

_She nodded at his recognition proudly. It was good that he could see her and not whatever shit he was seeing in his hallucinations. She waited silently while he looked at her wearing that frown that spoke of his _true eyes_ looking at her _true self_, beyond her meat suit and the prettiness of it._

"_Deano and Sammy asked me to take care of you, Clarence. And doing that will take care of me, or course."_

_He didn't like that. It was obvious by the way he glared disgusted at her that he didn't want her there. And the shock from hearing that she had been accepted by the Winchesters was plenty clear to see written all over his face. She just shrugged. _Deal with it, baby_. He even tried to get free from her grasp but was so obviously useless that he couldn't do it and it only made her laugh._

"_Stop it, feathers! You and I are going to spend a lot of time together so it will be better for both if you start to accept it. I like to accomplish my contracts."_

_It wasn't in fact a contract but more like a threat and pact with The Brothers Grimm. _If you cover up my ass, I'll cover yours or more precisely, the feathery ass of your fallen friend._ Castiel soon gave up in his struggling against her and when the nurse came back with two men into the room, she recognized the well done job Meg had performed. While the demon watched the angel being carried by the male nurses to the bed and the nurse was chatting in low voice to her, a cold woman by the way, she was told that Adam Campbell didn't like anyone touching him or getting close to him. The most of time he spent it staring fixated at the walls or the window without moving or talking. He barely ate or drank and just slept when he was highly medicated. Then she had mentioned Sam saying that it had been a miracle the boy had recovered so quickly and nicely. She told Meg that Adam was quieter than Sam had been and he was lost in his inner world much of the time but when he was in reality he was hard to handle. Dr. Kadinsky had diagnosed him with a severe case of psychosis defining schizophrenia. The little Dr. Kadinsky had gotten out from the poor man's mouth was nonsense and delusions._

_Meg had just nodded patiently listening to the woman and keeping an eye on the angel sleeping on the bed covered by white blankets. If only this people knew what kind of patient he was. The woman had a long time working at the place and she seemed to like the fact that she didn't have to take care of the man when she wanted easier cases. So it was lucky that she recommended personally to Dr. Kadinsky to let the new nurse Masters to give it a try with the man they didn't know was an angel. For what the demon could see, this woman didn't like cases where the patients were almost always catatonic. She wasn't a quiet person either, but what the hell; she didn't have a choice here._

And that was how Meg had gotten finally the job of taking care of Castiel by herself. On the first days other nurses keep annoying her probably trying to help her (the men wanting to screw her and the women taking her as the innocent newbie) or ordered to do so (Dr. Kadinsky maybe didn't trust in her _talent_). But soon enough she was on her own with the angel's life, to say something, in her hands. Now as she mused about it she found herself standing as the routine marked on the doorway of his room and watching him amusedly entertained. This time he was sat down on the floor in Indian style with his hands clasped together and resting on the polished floor. He was giving her his back and staring at the corner with hunched figure and if her ears weren't lying to her, he was murmuring. She approached him slowly and carefully not giving her presence away.

"I can do it… I can… I told Dean that I was going to be fine… I won't give in…" She heard him saying with a spark of hope and resolution at the same time. She frowned at his back. "Even if there's nothing… nothing I can do… I can do to help Dean and Sam… I told Dean that I was going to be fine…"

He paused and said some words in that language called _enochian_ that Meg didn't understand.

"That's all I can do… I need it…" Meg watched him clasping his hands on his temples and starting to rock himself back and forth in a rhythmic motion. "I deserve it… I deserved to stay at the bottom of that river… there's nothing I can do to fix it…" He paused again with hitching breathing. "Meg said Bobby is dead… Did you know?"

The demon narrowed her eyes fascinated by his one sided conversation. For what she could see for the way it had been going on, she guessed he wasn't talking to Lucifer or anyone he could consider _threatening_ and _evil_. Not the slug friends, surely either. He seemed to be talking to someone who used to be a friend or an old acquaintance.

"He's dead because of me… because of my actions… and now… Dean and Sam won't come back… if Meg is right and they don't make it… or if they make it they won't come back either… there's no one… out there…"

Suddenly his somehow calm demeanor changed and Meg watched him jerking away, flinching and looking up, like if he was staring at someone in front of him looking down at him. The demon took some steps backwards when Castiel started to do the same helped by his trembling hands pulling his vessel out of the path of the invisible visitor. He dragged himself crawling desperate with huge blue eyes locked in a spot in the air.

"Please, don't… I don't want to remember… please, brother…"

_Lucifer_. Meg guessed he had appeared within his crazy mind and when the angel started to scream and his meat suit shook violently like if some sort of force was cursing him, she immediately knelt in front of him and grabbed him tightly by his flying arms trying to steady and calm him. He had his eyes tightly closed and was gasping for air.

"It's ok, Clarence! Calm down!"

"It's hurts! Stop it, stop it!"

"Shhh! Get a grip on yourself, Clarence! It's not fucking real!"

She shouted annoyed and serious shaking him wildly like if that motion was going to bring him back to reality or to at least shut him up. He kept screaming and crying out the same and she rolling her eyes angered slapped him hardly. Her other hand kept him balanced after the slap had almost thrown him on the floor. It seemed to work and he finally silenced. She sighed relieved for not having to listen to his whiny voice anymore. She noticed that her hands were the only thing keeping him from falling flat to the floor. His breathing came in hard short gasps and he had opened his haunted lost eyes.

"That's my boy, good boy." Meg sing sang still serious and used one of her hands to touch his forehead after noticing his high temperature through the skin of her palms on his arms. The fabric of his clothes hadn't stopped her from realizing he was feverish. The burning sensation there bothered her. "And now you had gotten yourself a fever. That's freaking great, cloud hopper."

Hissing mad she got up hauling him brusquely to his feet with her strong arms and dragged him to bed wondering if it was a normal sign for him to seemingly have a fever. She didn't dwell in it because she had been seeing the way the maintenance of his vessel had been weakening since his staying here. It looked to her that his angelic strength was highly affected now and he was getting close to human weakness. _Damn you, Clarence. Why do you have to make everything so damn hard, feathers? _But it was part of her job, wasn't it? So through seething teeth and annoyance she covered him with the covers and attended him through the morning while she helped him to get rid of the fever and waited it to cease. It wasn't too high, she thanked for it, but she couldn't let it go on. So she remained by his side most of the time giving him medication and dabbing his face with a cold wet washcloth. She was so bored that she wondered how some people could spend time doing this. It would have been easier if she just let him there medicated till he recovered but she couldn't risk it when she knew that the angel could do something off that could drag attention to himself.

"It hurts… it burns…"

"Shhh, shut up Clarence, I don't need you complaining. I have enough in my hands right now."

She said ironically as he jerked away from the rag and she kept rubbing it against his frowning forehead. He looked at her with desperate and scared eyes.

"It burns… don't stop…"

"Yeah, yeah, it burns."

She said humoring him and looking absently at his face. His skin was sickly white and his cheeks burned bright red. When the thumb of her hand keeping the washcloth on his forehead run through his skin she felt it warmer than usual and clammy. _How disgusting_. It was the first time she wondered how she could have agree to this even if it was to keep her ass away from Crowley's way. He went on panting with half lidded glazing eyes and with his head moving from side to side desperately. She wondered what his words meant. Maybe everything was in his mind, _the damn burning_ sensation and it was affecting his fucking meat suit. _Great, just great. I tend to forget that you're not a common human boy, Clarence_.

"Stop it already, darling." She hissed bending down on him frustrated. "It's all in your head."

Knowing that probably that was all, she huffed sick and tired and tried to get up taking the decision that he could deal with it alone and he was going to be fine without doing some angelic crap. He didn't have the strength to use his juice. So, he didn't need her there. But just as she stood up he lifted a shaky hand and caught one of her wrists startling her. He turned to face her and the rag on his forehead fell to the mattress. His glazing eyes looked at her pleadingly.

"Don't go… please… everyone goes…"

"Oh how _sweet_, Clarence." She said smirking with mockery and trying uselessly to free her wrist. _When did you become strong enough to do this, love?_ "But I won't hold your hand while you recover from a false fever. I have more interesting things to do."

She tried to shake off his iron grip but it was hilarious and annoying how she couldn't do it.

"Stop it! Let go of me, impotent sap!"

She yelled now furious and they started to struggle so hard that she ended falling sat down on the bed again over his trembling covered by blankets vessel. Meg sneered angrily and tried to free her hand with the help of the other when the angel panting started to push himself up with the help of his free hand almost sitting down. She snorted glaring daggers to him.

"Look at you. Weren't you dying, _child_?"

"Please… stay…"

She couldn't help to laugh when he faced her with puppy dog eyes filled with supposed effects of the fake fever. She wondered if she hadn't been wrong. He really looked the real thing. If it was true, it would explain the way he was pleading her to not go and stay with him. No angel, particularly this one, even if he had fallen and was broken, would want a demon by his side in his vulnerable moments, right? She looked through him like if she was trying to read him. No way in the world Clarence would beg her to do something for him, right? He surely had his brain frying.

"Stay… stay please…"

"Ugh, stop the whiny voice, Clarence. It's embarrassing."

She said with a laugh between mockery and disgust. She tried to pull away from his grasp once more being rougher this time and she grinned evilly when she almost got it done.

"Please…"

That look, that voice, made her feel utterly sick and awkward. She made a face of disgust at the angel wearing that feverish look on his eyes and pleading expression and not wanting to let her go and free her from this horrible situation.

"Please…"

"No. Let go of me." She pulled her trapped wrist away and this time she did it so strongly that she stumbled backwards when he finally let her go. She caught herself before falling and massaged her wrist with her other hand looking annoyed at it. "Not everything is in the deal, Clarence, and I have other business to attend to, alright? You just need to sleep and rest and the drugs will do their fucking job. You'll be the same pain in the ass as always by tomorrow."

She hissed stopping her ministrations and stretched her hand satisfied at it. It was totally fine. She smirked happily. The good things of being a demon. Then she stared serenely angry at the angel wanting to hit him for trying to keep her there and found him staring at her sadly and spacing out. _Lucky for me, you're out of planet Meg again_. She sighed watching him with narrowed eyes and noticed that even when he wasn't entirely in all his senses she was still the focus of his exhausted, glassy and sad eyes. He was staring at her so intensely that she shifted and felt uncomfortable and _exposed_. And that she didn't like at all.

"Stop it, Clarence." She said with less control that she had wanted to use in her voice. He was looking at her like if he was processing something he couldn't understand, and was trapped in here, in the world where she was and in the world that only existed within his mind. The way he tilted his head in that so most Castiel gesture and the way his blue eyes that now looked dull thanks to the fever stared, always stared, made her feel awkward and uneasy, just like when she had kissed him before but not in the same intensity and form. This time it didn't get into her skin but it was just the same getting through her, to her true self. She hated it. "Stop it, tree topper."

She said serious and angry and putting her hands on his chest she forced him to lie down. He obediently didn't protest and didn't meet her gaze again and Meg felt even weirder with his sudden humble and resigned reaction. She cleared her throat ignoring it and covered him with the blankets surrounded by a rare silence. He had grabbed this time softly one of her hands when she was tugging him and she flinched due to the contact and blamed it on the warmness of his feverish skin. But she knew it wasn't only that that. She ignored it too.

"Try to sleep, Clarence."

He was lying on his back and with one of his hands on top of hers in a desperate way. Meg slowly retrieved her hand and he let it go slowly too, his weak grip lingering in her fingers till she completely free herself. He had been facing her but in fact she knew that he wasn't totally with her in the room. His eyes were lost again. She took the arm of the hand that had touched her and put it landing on the mattress under the blankets. Castiel remained staring at the ceiling for a while as she observed him silently and still bothered on the doorway with folded arms against her chest. Then she watched him rolling on his right side, giving her his back and curling up and she guessed he had finally given himself up to dreamland. She left the room quietly not thinking in coming soon again.

When the end of the afternoon was coming the demon found her attention returning to the room of the feverish angel in her mind. The first time she realized that she was thinking in him she cursed under her breathe and ignored it going on with other things she had to do around the ward. She thought that it was because the whole thing had been freaking weird and awkward and it gave her the creeps. By the sixth time she found her mind going back to what had happened in the angel's room, she sighed deep in thought about it. She had medicated him, she had treated his fever, this one wasn't really high to considerate it dangerous and anyway she couldn't drag unnecessary attention to the angel. She dreaded that something physical could give him away to the people at the mental institution and that was why she had been keeping a secret that he was slightly sick. She cursed his fucking puppy dog eyes and his whiny pleading voice for her distraction but refused to go to see him. For her it was like letting him win and she wasn't going to let it happen. She debated with herself for a long moment remembering that Castiel was her obligation and her prize to be alive and away from harm in the name of that son of a bitch Crowley. What if Castiel had gotten worse and she was to blame? Not only Crowley was going to have her ass but the Winchesters too. Even if they still had issues about the angel and his last mischief that didn't mean they didn't give a crap about him. She had seen it beyond their trouble to forgive and talk things over. By the end of the day she was so furious with the angel for keeping her edgy and distracted all the damn day that she did something she didn't do frequently since she had taken the job. She got out to a bar and drank there listening to music and flirting with men, trying to enjoy her time away from crazies and stupid angels and she even danced with some guys. There was a little make out and laughing and just plenty fun, but she couldn't shake off the fucking thought of the angel out of her mind. Feeling cranky and moody even after drinking a lot, she met an old acquaintance and knowing she had to act normally to no raise suspicions, she talked a little with him over trivial things. She could have chatted more with him, he was hot and dangerous and freaking tall of course, but she was in such a mood that the _talking _was changed immediately to _making out _and then she found herself with her old fellow on the backseat of his car half naked and ready to have her way with him. How she had missed this. But of course, to her damn luck she couldn't keep her mind out of the stupid room at the nuthouse where a useless sap was probably dying totally alone. So she soon was growling furiously, hissing and cursing under her breath taking her clothes discarded all over the car and leaving while she dressed up and left a very enraged men behind to go like a mad to the mental institution and to take it out on the angel.

After she got into the quiet and shadowy building and was standing inside the room, she knew she had made a mistake and she had let go a very good opportunity to have a nice night for little Meg. Sighing grumpily she knew she couldn't leave now and came over the bed noticing immediately that the angel was huffing in weak breathes and was trembling like a leaf under the blankets still lying as she had left him so many hours ago. She rounded the bed and sat down on the mattress frowning uneasy. When she looked at him she found him sweating heavily and looking deathly pale. The black and lavender around his eyes looked uglier now in contrast and he had his eyes shut tightly. His lips were parted like if he needed to breathe through them too. His hair was wet and some bangs had glued to his forehead. His arms were tightly folded against his chest like if he was trying to control the hard shaking or getting warm. He simply looked awful. She put her hand over his forehead and felt his skin colder and clammier than before and he was burning up. She cursed lowly.

"Dammit, Clarence."

Reacting quickly she stood up and took him in arms easily bringing him to the bathroom where she sat him on the chair and tore his clothes away in a second. She had to sit on a chair too in front of him to keep him steady because he was swaying. When the water hit him he jumped shocked and his eyes shot looking around confused and sleepy and shivered under the cold stream. The demon could hear his chattering teeth. Meg kept him sitting down with her hands on his arms strongly preventing him to fall. His body was almost limp. Soon she was totally soaked too but she didn't care. She needed to lower his temperature and the possibility of getting ass kicked by Deano and Sammy made her sigh annoyed and it worried her. She just had a simple freaking job and she had messed it up just because she couldn't handle a cheesy angel. She knew humans tend to act weird and pathetic when they were sick but she hadn't expected for the angel to react that way and beg her to not let him alone and to stay. It had to be with his mental instability, she believed. Castiel wouldn't ever ask something like that to her if he wasn't truly sick and delusional. The water seemed to wake the angel enough and he gasped and stared at her hands holding him steady and tried to free himself jerking away and whimpering pathetically.

"It's alright, Clarence. It's me, Meg."

She said leaning forward with iron grip not letting him go. The angel was still staring down at her hands on him and she sighed angrily.

"Stop it, dammit. Look at me." She ordered so firm and serious that Castiel looked up tiredly and locked his feverish blue eyes on her face. She deepened her frown and studied him noticing the slight good signals the water was having on him. "Just stay still, ok?"

"Meg?"

He asked with shaky and low voice that she could barely hear. She sighed relieved and nodded watching Castiel's head wobbling after he had stared at her momentarily confused.

"Yes, it's me, who else?"

He didn't say anything else and kept trembling and swaying in the grip of her hands. She looked at him between boredom and rage about her stupidity for living him alone being sick. _Who else could it be, Clarence? There's no one else out there, as you said it, darling. _Those was the things she wanted to say minutes ago, but somehow she bit her tongue back and didn't. Staring at the burning angel in front of her, barely aware of what was happening didn't help to the case if he couldn't answer back in that way he always did. Sometimes she wanted to slap him just to cause a reaction out of him besides this silence and stillness. Even when his eyes were half lidded and he was partially conscious Meg noticed his lost fight over his body and he swayed going limp. Thanks to her iron grip he didn't fall from the chair. She waited in silence then still grabbing him till she guessed it was enough and shutting the shower dried him with a towel, put on some new clothes on his trembling vessel and picked him up bringing him to the room where she sat him down on the chair after noticing she needed to change the sweated sheets and blankets of the bed. The angel swayed on the chair but at least this one was more like an armchair so he had more chance to not fall. Quickly she changed the sheets and brought new blankets and helped him to lie on the bed. She probed her forehead and was satisfied when his high temperature was going down. He still was burning but not as highly as before. She helped him to swallow more pills to help his meat suit to recover from the fever and leaving him lying and looking absently at the ceiling she returned to the bathroom where she got herself a quick refreshing shower. She left the door of the bathroom partially opened to keep an eye on him. When she was done and was putting on her pants she realized that she didn't have dirty thoughts while she was accompanying him on the shower to control his fever. She didn't make mischievous remarks or flirting jokes. Meg didn't think in it more and shut down the light of the bathroom returning to the angel's side. She sat down on the bed and caressed his face with an observant frown trying to see if his fever was still going down. When she noticed that it was like that, she finally could break into a pleasant smirk.

"Damn you, Clarence." She chuckled between joke and anger. "You really are a party popper. You cannot leave me have a one single night out."

She stopped stroking his face and sighing frustrated run her hands through her wet hair combing it.

"I was so close to really have a nice one night stand. You owe me big, cloud hopper."

"You don't need… to stay…Meg…"

He said tiredly and closing his eyes after letting out a deep sigh. The demon was startled by his words and just for the mere thing of listening to him talking. She had guessed he was out of reach and that his fever kept him confused enough to not understand the situation. She narrowed her eyes studying the sincerity of his speech with a little distrustful smirk.

"Oh, yeah, really."

She said rolling her eyes. _Weren't you the one begging me to stay, fluffy wings?_ Castiel nodded once and slowly.

"I could have… died… but I wouldn't have… blamed you for it…"

The accuracy of his words startled her again. She didn't smirk anymore and just stared thoughtful and intrigued at him. His furrowed brow showed her that he still felt unwell and uncomfortable.

"I think… I would have been grateful…"

That caused her to raise her eyebrows in questioning. She hadn't expected something like that. She wondered if he was just talking due to the fever frying his brain or if he was conscious about what he was really saying. Anyway, it surprised her. He opened his eyes but kept them half lidded and staring at the front. Meg leaned forward grinning curiously.

"Don't say that, love. You're my life warranty. I cannot let you die." She touched his fervent lips with her index finger gingerly. "And knowing how stubborn you are, probably you're just saying nonsense. You wouldn't go so easily without a fight."

He didn't answer. His breathing hitched and his face contorted in pain. He hissed softly looking totally drained. Meg got serious and stared at him wondering if she was going to need to really get him medical help right now and knowing that was going to cause her trouble for not doing it since the beginning. She wanted then to slap him for this, for doing everything so hard and bothering her so much but instead took a deep breath and focused at the matter at hand. _Another night at the nuthouse all devoted to you, feathers. You're worse than a child._ She shushed him and placed again a washcloth over the angel's forehead after preparing some at the bathroom and bringing a bowl with very cold water. She could hear his chattering teeth and feel the tremble of his body under the hand that kept the washcloth on his face running it along it. Her other hand rested on his chest where she could feel his vessel's heart beating quicker than normal. Without saying anything she got into the bed like the last time and they were now resting in the same position. She knew she couldn't keep the rag on his forehead but instead focused in getting him warm and stop his shaking, so she snaked her arm around his heaving chest and forced him to rest against her. She didn't know if she was doing right because even when she could feel that his fever was getting more and more light his body was starting to get cold. Could it be some shit related to his angelic nature? Could it be some crap related to his vessel? She didn't fucking know. She mused quietly noticing that his head was lying closely to her breasts and she couldn't stifle an ironical laugh. _Oh, Clarence. I guess this is the first time you're really close to get lucky. _After boring hours awoke in silence and still being nighttime, Meg realized that the angel's temperature was back to normal and he wasn't shaking anymore. He looked still pale and like crap but at least his fever disappeared. _I've been saved from Deano and Sammy's wrath_. She thought sarcastically while she tried to pull away from the angel's side. It was enough for her. He was alright now. And she was moody and cranky and wanted to be out.

"No… it's cold and dark…"

She stopped when she listened to him speaking in low and scared voice and watched at him interested. He was having a nightmare, it seemed. _Sure, you're nothing like a child, Clarence. _She snorted wondering why first he had said that _it_ was hurting and burning, and now _it_ was cold and dark. He had to really be a delirious and crazy mess. When she tried to pull herself away from him freeing his meat suit from her grasp he hooked his arm around her waist burying his head into her chest. Meg was startled by his actions and didn't move at first but when she looked down at him with a sly smirk and thinking that the angel was getting himself lucky by his own hand, what she found made her shift awkwardly. He wasn't embracing her like she was expecting him and she couldn't see in his desperate attempt to keep her close any trace that she could use against him and put him on the level of her dirty thoughts. There wasn't anything sexual there, not even a slight thing she could use to tease him, just someone clinging into the closest being in a time of vulnerability brought by sickness and delusion and for the first time she realized that for the angel in this point where he was, it didn't matter if she was a demon and he was a freaking bulb of light with fluffy cheesy wings. In his darkest hour fighting whatever crap that was inside his brain, for the angel she was someone there, someone that seemed to be real among the shit that wasn't real and he couldn't always difference from the unreal. And noticing this, Meg felt somehow caught between disgust, annoyance and weird and unnerving acceptance of his circumstances. Probably hours later he was going to glare at her like if she was less than dirt but now to him so weakened, she was there.

And the thought and realization only made her shudder in horror and denial, his _hellish black smoke _screaming at her to push him away and run from the room feeling awfully for letting happen such a contact with the enemy, making her meat suit to want to throw up in disgust (maybe no literally) and call him _names_ only for the sake of take on him the pent up sensation of disdain and the repulsion cursing her. But she forced her mind to cope with it and deal with it swallowing all this because she didn't want to die. She wanted revenge. She wanted to step on Crowley's skull and she wanted the kingdom she walked one day. And she decided to remain in her spot beside the sleeping angel who was so weakly hugging her that inwardly she laughed and mocked him knowing how easily she could throw him away. So Meg clenched her jaw and sucking everything up forced her arm to snake again on his frame not strongly this time as her mind was racing elaborating thoughts related to torment the enemy so close to her like she could have done it back at hell or here on Earth, satisfied with the kind of knowledge Alastair had passed on her, gloating in former days of glory and power where she didn't have to run and keep deals with stupid humans to survive, deals related to take care of fallen angels and broken beings, former friends of the ones she used to haunt and use as toys. And focusing in it, Meg fell slept in the arms of the most unexpected person she could have dream of.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry for… ruining your night… I won't bother you again…"<p>

Meg was startled when Castiel murmured those words with strained voice. He was sitting on the mattress as always looking through the window with tired and lost blue eyes. His fever had gone completely and he looked as his normal kind of crap as usual. She had been reading her _personal diary of wishes _with a pen on her hand tapping it against the opened book when his _sexy _voice broke her from her inner sniggering and mockery. She wrote down on the _list_ dedicated to him the words _sexy voice _along other _dirtier_ and _naughtier_ concepts and after doing it she closed the diary and stared at him with pleasant expression.

"It's alright, Clarence. Maybe I wasn't able to have _intercourse" _She used his word just out of fun and on purpose to tease him. He glared slightly at her. "with a very hot sexy old friend but" She grinned. "don't feel jealous, love" The angel took a deep breath glaring deathly serious at her. _Uh uh, kept looking at me like that. I'm already feeling dewy. _"but I had some _retribution_, given from you freely, of course."

She sniggered watching his eyes growing with something akin to horror and his face coloring with shame. She laughed.

"You said that…"

"Calm down, feathery ass." She said dismissing him with a wave of her hands. "I didn't kiss you, ok? And I didn't do anything else. But a nice _peek_ was all I needed to not want to rip you apart for ruining my plans."

He seemed to understand the hidden meaning of her words and just averted his gaze looking tense and conflicted. She let out a deep sigh stifling her laughs.

"At least I didn't need to _rub _ice all along your _hot_ body." She said stretching the words in a sexy manner. The angel looked at her by the corner of his blue eyes still troubled by her words but she knew he didn't get the hidden implication of her saying. _My sweet innocent, little angel. _He didn't get that she didn't need ice to do that having the opportunity to bath him she used soap instead. Well, not in the kind of way she really wanted anyway… "That would have made my night even."

She laughed coquettish when he stared at her confused and feeling somehow that what she was saying wasn't right and he didn't like it. He sported it in the way he kept staring at her frowning with questioning alarm eyes. Meg shrugged innocently.

"Why are you really here, Meg?"

He asked then after clearing his throat and looking down ignoring the shame still tainting his cheeks. She smiled thoughtful and looking at him intensely. He had lost weight and was sickly pale, but he still had the same power over her dirtiest fantasies. He seemed to feel the intensity of her stare and shifted uneasily. Or probably she was just taking it for her when he was battling his own _demons_.

"Because you're my insurance and the only thing keeping me from killing myself." _Just kidding, sweetie. _ "I promised to your _former friends _that I was going to take care of you and protect you as long as they did the same for me. Crowley still wants my head, you know." _And who knows, Clarence. If you make it through this I can use my charm to use you somehow along the ride._ "You see, I only have five options here: one, be smitten by Crowley, two, be eaten by those things with teeth, three, be smitten for some dick with wings, don't be offended honey, if they dared to come down of course and fourth, be smitten by Deano and Sammy for all our _beloved _story together. The fifth option is to stick around you and taking care of you, _sugar_, and for now for me it is the best way to go."

"But you hate u… me."

She didn't fail to catch his slip. _So you don't consider yourself part of the dicks with wings anymore, Clarence_, she chuckled inwardly. The way he stared at her tilting his head it was like if the old Clarence was back.

"Yeah, I know nature cannot be beaten, you know." She said honestly breathing deeply with a sly smile curling her red lips. "Just as you hate me too. But I think right now that's beside the point, right? I need you as a warranty and you need me to be here. After all, there's no one out there, baby."

She winked noticing the way her last sentence seemed to hurt him. She smiled amused. _How easy is to disturb you right now, love._ He didn't say anything else and when Meg noticed the way he was reacting, jerking away and shaking, looking around with despair and confusion, she knew she had lost him again to his world of nightmares and hallucinations. _At least it was fun_. She got up and snaked her arms around his chest to force him to lie down and try to sleep a moment with total acceptance of the routine she was having since days and nights ago. She couldn't completely complain, smiling satisfied when she was grabbing him. _You're more powerful and stronger than me, Clarence, but it would be so easy to smite you right now with only a small effort…_

"Come on, Clarence, let's sleep a little." She tried to move him but the angel was set on staying there. She rolled her eyes annoyed and bending down stared at his distraught eyes. "Don't get Meg angry."

She heard him speaking that language of him and lifting a shaky hand he touched and patted her cheek softly startling her. The demon pulled away for instinct but not really creating a big gap between both. She observed him intrigued and liking it, she couldn't deny it. His touch was hesitant and like if he was testing the movement. The gentleness of it gave her the creeps all over and it gave to her skin goose bumps. _Yuck. _But anyway she wanted to see how far he went just out of curiosity and didn't step back. He tilted his head and she leaned over until their noses were touching. She was smirking highly entertained with his naïve move on her, sort of. The angel's face got closer and he barely brushed his lips against hers in a very sloppy way. She wondered if he had forgotten the famous lessons of _the pizza man_. She couldn't help to chuckle and had to stifle the laugh that wanted to get out from her throat. _If only I had a camera with me now I could put this on YouTube version of Hell or Heaven. I wonder how many visits we'd receive. _When she was ready to show him how it had to be done, he pulled away and she watched him averting his eyes to the window. She cursed herself for not taking the opportunity.

"Demon."

He simply said and at first she thought angered that he was meaning her. _Sure, you first put your awkward move on me and then… _but his insistent look on the window caught her attention. Frowning she looked around and for what seemed seconds she could swear that a silhouette have been staring at both from the garden, meters away, under the leafy tall tree Meg used to take the angel because it seemed to ease him. The demon hissed confused and alert getting up and walked to the window looking outside with deathly inquisitive eyes. But everything was calm and normal. Still frowning she turned around and looked at the angel who had curled up lying on the mattress completely ignorant of Meg. She didn't know if she had seen right, probably it was a shadow formed by the branches and leaves of the tree. Maybe Castiel was seeing things and she was giving him more credit than the necessary. Anyway, she decided she needed to go around at night to find out.

_Dammit._


	4. Looking at Angels

**Hello again :)!**

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**Chapter Four "Looking at Angels"**

Meg had looked around the mental institution late at night alert and watchful trying to decipher if she was following some of the angel's delusions that had probably affected her or if it was indeed someone spying on them. She did it more than once, totally focused on the job while she walked carefully and attentive at every fucking sound, every fucking awkward thing, that could be out of place. She used all her instinct and her expertise as demon hidden by the shadows. As she walked she started to think what she would do in case she needed to run away with a mad angel in tow. What she could do then? _Call Thelma and Louise_, of course, to get a little help. She knew that the brothers didn't have time to deal with their _former_ friend even if the _really wanted to_, something she wasn't sure of yet, but with the kind of shit they were living now thanks to the Leviathans, she agreed in keeping the angel secured and protected far away from them. She understood that was what they had done leaving Castiel here, in a place where he could be watched for, even if it was in a nuthouse in the hands of someone like her. That was the only solution they had found at the moment, wanting the angel to be away from the mess he had created. But if someone discovered what she was doing here and that the _former god _was alive, especially if that someone was Crowley, Meg knew that she needed to have a plan. And she knew that Castiel was going to fall on the hands of the Winchesters again then. She only wondered if they were going to keep her close to help them watch over the crazy angel, something she didn't mind and she didn't give a damn either. If they _fired _her well that was how life worked and it was fine for her. But if they decided to keep her close then she was going to use it in her favor. Anyway, as she meditated walking in the shadows coming back to the building and to Castiel's room, she thought that probably she was going ahead the circumstances but it wasn't uncalled for to think in the possible scenarios. That was why she had decided to not leave the building anymore to go to her place especially if it was at nighttime and to have an eye like a hawk on the angel _just in case_.

The next day she tried to spark a conversation with Castiel about what he had seen last night, wanting to know if he hallucinated and made her hallucinate too but it was useless. The angel was totally in his catatonic state and remained silent and still sitting almost all day on the chair watching through the window. Meg totally frustrated and uneasy decided then to think in the worst scenario and used the day to prepare things she thought she could find useful _just in case _their cover blew up, things useful to help them move as _humans_, like money, identifications, clothes, a car, and other human crap. She went on in her normal day as usual but now she was high in demonic alert for whatever _funny _thing she could find. She looked around casually in the day too around the building and the nearby places but everything seemed fine. She asked the people on surveillance if they had seen something strange in a casual manner and using her charm and batting her eyelashes but nothing. And even when she said to herself that it was a false alarm and the angel was way too out of his mind she couldn't shake off the nasty feeling keeping her edgy and anxious and it didn't help that the angel was like a freaking china doll. Right now it unnerved her.

"What are we going to do, Clarence?"

She asked after huffing annoyed and pouting mindful still stressed over the thing. The demon was brushing the angel's dark brown hair distractedly as his blue eyes were dull and lost.

"If something comes after us, and right now I don't want to read the list of our enemies, I wouldn't mind a little angelic juice to help, you know."

She didn't freaking know if he was listening to her or not but she needed to let it out anyway. She stopped the brushing and leaned on her chair looking at her job critically. She didn't start combing his hair that way for nothing, so different from his former hairstyle. Some bangs fell on his forehead giving him a younger and more innocent look, something that made her squeal in dirty delight but the thought of doing it to protect his identity right now didn't ease her at all. She growled with serious expression wondering how they hadn't recognized him so easily when months ago he was out there in the world playing the role of god to the media. In fact, there were a lot of things she wanted to ask and discuss with him, but right now she wondered if such opportunities were going to happen when he was like this. She averted her eyes and sighing deeply wondered if she didn't need to start thinking in dying her hair. Already bored and knowing that he wasn't going to say a shit anyway, Meg resumed her work in getting them all they could use if they needed to run like if the devil was chasing them (well, probably he was literally chasing the angel, she chuckled) and decided that tonight she was going to expand her search _just in case_.

When the sun was setting after a very active and tense day to Meg she managed to get all the crappy things she thought she needed and she hid them in the locker she had in the ward. She decided to go and see Castiel and after entering the room the demon immediately noticed that something was wrong. Her instincts went on alert and she soon thought that it was related to the silhouette of last night but when she saw the angel dropping out of the blue from the bed (when the heck did he get himself to the bed?) and starting to convulse she knew that it had nothing to do with it. _Yet_, she remembered hissing alarmed and confused. She stared at the fallen angel for seconds studying him as his vessel's limbs worked on their own without his control, the angel totally having a hard seizure. Meg reacted finally and run to his side falling on her knees as she try to get a grip on the seizing angel. This one was breathing in short and quick gasps, literally trying to breath and his eyes were huge and unblinking, fixed in worlds she couldn't reach but she could see plenty the panic and fear dwelling in their tormented blue. His lips were parted and trembled. She put herself over the angel's meat suit using all her supernatural strength and her hands grabbed him tightly on his own like a vice grip. Castiel continued convulsing after Meg had trapped his spreading twisting arms. She watched his hands balling so tightly that he drew blood when his fingernails dug into the flesh of his palms and he clenched tightly his jaw. The demon feared that he was going to hurt himself if he went on. She looked at him serious and tried to talk him to calm down, but then the seizure grew stronger this time and the bad thing about it was that the angel was now screaming at the top of his lungs with agony and pain that caused the demon to flinch and the need to clasp her hands against her ears. His legs that she wasn't grabbing flailed without control and his head tossed back and his eyes squeezed shut as he arched his back. Meg found herself struggling by the force he was sporting then but she didn't let him go. Just like she had guessed, his screaming drag the attention enough and she heard footsteps coming to the room and the opening of the locked door. She turned back frowning exasperated and concerned and was glad that at least the nurses weren't Green and Jones. At the doorway there was the cold and bitchy woman who had helped her to gain the job of taking care of the angel and a black male nurse in his middle forties who was one of the few who seemed to give a crap about the patients here who run to her side to help her control Castiel. Meg noticed the horror in the look of the woman and couldn't help to chuckle inwardly. _Now you're really glad that you let him on my hands, darling_. The male nurse shouted something to the woman about getting some crap of medication, Meg didn't listen being too wrapped with the seizing angel but she heard the woman leaving in a hurry.

She focused her attention on the convulsing angel and thanked that the male nurse named Chase was there to grab Castiel's legs tightly. To be a human he didn't do it bad. Both she and Chase stared deathly serious at the man shouting and trying desperately and uselessly to free himself from their iron grips. He shouted for them to let him go, to no touch him, to stop and let him die, all this intertwined with words spoken in _enochian_. Chase seemed to not find this weird, Meg noticed, probably he thought that Castiel's brain was too damaged anyway. Listening to a patient talking in a rare tongue didn't seem to be strange around here. The angel tried to claw at Meg's arms and hands but it was hopeless when she was pinning him down so strongly. The demon shouted firmly at him to calm down, not daring go calling him by any name because she didn't trust her tongue, but her orders fell in deaf ears and the angel continued screaming very loudly and so horribly and Meg feared for a moment that his voice was going to turn into that fucking voice angels had and he was going to blow up the lights and break the windows. She went on trying to use her voice out loud to calm him and she was surprised when he started to sob utterly scared, begging and pleading for help, twisting in her and Chase's grip while he was screaming and shouting to not hurt him anymore. The despair, fear and terror Meg could see in him right now reminded her of the victims she had tortured so delightfully and for the first time in her long life she felt her face scowling in disgust. She heard Chase shushing the scared angel. The worst came when Castiel started to scream and shout sobbing and asking forgiveness and called the Winchesters' names, begging for something neither Meg nor Chase could give him. Whatever shit he was seeing within his troubled and sick mind had a strong grip on him and the demon knew she couldn't help. She looked with furrowed brow at his face. She hadn't seen him sobbing ever. She snapped out of her thoughts and asked him to open his eyes and calm down but he wasn't listening to. He hadn't stopped shaking frenetically and it seemed harder with each second passing. She run one of her hands to his wrist and noticed the toll the seizure was having on his pulse. She could bet right then that his heart was beating its way out of his heaving and shivering chest. His vessel contorted too painfully and roughly that Meg wondered how the bones hadn't cracked up yet and how his muscles hadn't torn apart. She could sense that Chase was getting tired struggling with the angel's hard tremor. _Don't dare to leave me alone, Chase._

After what it seemed hours the cold and bitchy nurse came back, she was called Thompson, Meg kind of remembered and gave a syringe filled with liquid of some shit to Chase. Meg knew she couldn't inject Castiel right now when she was the one pinning him down almost completely to the polished floor so she decided to leave it to Chase and turned her attention to the angel's face. He was still shaking, screaming and pleading in that secret for them language of him, arching upwards as he terrified tried to get away desperately from Meg's grip without success. His eyes met hers in some moment and she could see that he wasn't there and stared at her with empty and afraid eyes at the same time. She wondered if it was possible to see emptiness and fear mixed as perfectly as she watched with blank expression and wearing a frown his vessel writhing violently on the floor. She heard Chase doing his job and she knew that Thompson was staring down at them from the doorway probably too panicked to act. After long minutes in which Meg held him down staring at his eyes that were opened and fixed now crazily on the ceiling, the medication seemed to start working in his tired and hurt meat suit.

"There you go, Adam." She heard Chase saying gently. _Adam_. She couldn't help to chuckle inwardly. "You'll be ok in a moment."

The angel's screams ceased slowly leaving for the last his sobbing and his limps stopped their maddening thrashing little by little. His vessel started to relax. Meg watched that letting out a deep breath she didn't know she had been holding back. _Really Clarence, would it kill you to be easier, honey?_

"It's ok, relax."

She said to him releasing his arms slowly and looking them twitching slightly before going totally limp as his legs and the rest of his battered meat suit. She remained there sitting on her folded legs and she cupped one of his cheeks staring observant at his expression. Her other hand was on top of his chest where she was trying to determine if his heart beating was slowing down. Chase approached the other side of Castiel's fallen body and exchanged a little warm smile with Meg who smirked at him. She knew both were glad it was over. Thompson had left and Meg didn't know when but she didn't give a damn. His heart beating took some minutes more to slow down to its natural rhythm. Chase took those minutes to do a quick check up on the angel. Meg kept looking at Castiel's eyes trying to notice if he was getting better in fact. This episode worried her, it was the first time it happened and it had been quite the show. She realized Castiel's eyes were still full of tears, she didn't know if they were only out of pain or if they were out of fear too or whatever other cheesy feelings the angel had bottled up. She used the thumb of her hand cupping his face to dry some of the fallen tears away from his face as he had his blue orbs locked on the ceiling or more precisely, in some scene far away within his mind. Meg felt his skin cold and he was deathly pale. He was shivering. Chase noticed too and decided it was time to lift the angel and take him to bed for the best. He picked up Castiel easily in bridal style, Meg wasn't surprised, and Chase looked like one of those men who used to be some sort of wrestler in his younger years and took him to the bed. Between him and Meg they adjusted the angel on the mattress and covered him to the chin with the blankets trying to get him warm. Castiel's head fell to one side buried on the pillow and his shivering lessened considerably. Meg sat down on the chair beside the bed and tucked him in silence as Chase remained there watching at the angel with concern and empathy. Meg couldn't help to find the angel looking awful right now and hardly comparable to the one she had met once. In quietness she and Chase did a calmer and more profound check up on the angel's vessel trying to notify the damage his seizure and their struggle had caused. He was bruised in some parts of his meat suit but at least it was all and the injuries weren't serious. Both nurses attended to him, Chase working in the bruising marks on his arms and legs and Meg on the cuts of the palms of his hands provoked by his fingernails digging the flesh. After they were done, Meg landed a hand on his forehead and noticed his coldness still lingering softly. She tried to take as something positive that he wasn't burning up.

Knowing she had to do it, she took a blood sample to take it to the lab in case the angel was suffering from some sort of infection or disease. She didn't want to do it, not really knowing if physical tests could uncover the true nature of Castiel, but she couldn't stop it when Thompson ordered her to do it and waited for her to act. Chase had left to attend other patients after smiling to her nodding in assurance and patting the angel's head softly. After Thompson left with the sample of Castiel's blood and Meg found herself alone in the room sitting mindful and quiet on the chair with tense and stiff meat suit, she knew deeply that their time here somehow was coming to an end. She didn't know if it was because of the stranger Castiel and probably she saw the other night spying on both, or if the seizure of today was a sign of something worse to come, something that it couldn't be seen by humans or maybe it was a weird mix of all, but the demon felt in her gut that the days and nights at the mental institution were going to end soon. Right now she only wanted for time enough for the angel to recover because sincerely at the moment, he looked beyond crap. He looked like the humans who were suffering from some sort of sickness that it was consuming them from within.

The rest of the day she almost spent her time in his room dreading that the traumatic episode could repeat. She didn't want to deal with it again and she knew that it meant something bad. She knew she could handle the angel much better than any human could but she didn't know what limits she could reach before giving up because there wasn't any more she could for him. What if she wasn't enough? Thompson tried to force her to take on her other cases but Chase kindly offered to do it for her, after reminding Thompson how bad the seizure had been. Late at afternoon Meg and Castiel were visited by a male old doctor who did his own check up on the angel and just said to the demon that it was probably that Castiel's mental state was the cause of the seizure adding of course his weakened health. The doctor knew from Dr. Kadinsky that the angel didn't eat or drink a lot and that Meg had trouble forcing him to do it. He talked about taking stronger measures to feed him. The demon just nodded serious and thoughtful, with the same dread twisting her meat suit's stomach. The doctor was indifferent, cold and talked briefly before leaving her a list with new drugs to give to the angel. While she waited quietly for the night to fall, something not common in her, she wondered what had caused such an episode in the angel, first his fever and then his seizure. She mused about what could provoke such stronger reactions on him making his vessel to respond so aggressively. _I hope you don't give me more trouble, Clarence. _And she sincerely wished it because she didn't know what the hell she was going to do if the angel got worse and he made a mess here at the mental institution. She was only sure of one thing, and that was that she was more than ready to drop him on the Winchesters' door if she found it was impossible for her to keep their bargain. He was only insurance, a warranty, a job, and she wasn't going to lose her life guarding the crazy cheesy ass of an angel. When the shadows fell outside she decided it was time to do another round searching nearby for the still unknown and mysterious spy. She got up and stretched her meat suit glancing back distractedly at the angel sleeping with a frown painted in his pale face. _Jezz, Clarence, you really are such a martyr. _She chuckled inwardly not really feeling the motion behind it and just doing it for custom. This entire situation she didn't like and her instincts were smacking her for not fleeing on time. She wondered if it was fine to go and leave the angel all by himself after the crappy day he had and like a miracle Chase appeared on the doorway and called her in low voice. She turned at him serious and unconvincing of her decision.

"How's your patient, Masters?"

He asked coming over to her and with his hands on his pockets staring sympathetic at the angel with troubled expression.

"He's sleeping. He's better now."

He nodded and she wondered if it was a good idea to ask him to keep an eye on the angel while she was in her mad dash around the place looking for a damn fucking silhouette. Then she wondered if she could trust in the man, she had seen him around since she worked here but due to the situation of the stranger she couldn't trust easily in anyone, right? Meg looked at him by the corner of her sharp dark eyes and weirdly didn't find the man dishonest in his worry for Castiel or playing a double role. She frowned wondered why she felt she could trust in him. _Well, I have to take the risk._

"Hey, Chase, would you mind staying a while with him? I need to do some things."

She didn't elaborate and used her charm and disarming smirk but not really knowing why she felt she didn't need any of that to convince the man. There was something about the way he was sincere over his concern on the angel and the way he looked at his sleeping form. There wasn't evilness or ill intentions there. _How weird_.

"Sure, Masters, I won't mind. I'll wait here."

"Thanks Chase. I'll see you in a while then."

He smiled nodding and she did it too out of courtesy. She left the room immediately and did again her rounds including the nuthouse's building and the nearby places with her instincts on fire, totally focused and attentive but just like the other times, she didn't find anything out of ordinary. She was tempted to go into bars and flirt with men who looked at her and wanted to get in her pants and she dismissed them forcing her legs to let go. There were more important matters to attend to. She was pissed off and she couldn't deny it, she didn't want their situation to change and she didn't want to flee with such a burden that the angel was in his current circumstances. She didn't want to be bothered by his situation and running away. _Why did I have to take this damn freaking deal? _Then she remembered Crowley and her fury made her teeth to seethe in anger and her throat to growl in frustration. Taking deep breaths she walked back to the mental institution and was still fuming in silent rage with serious expression and a profound frown when she got to Castiel's room. She guessed she had been out for almost one hour. When she arrived to the room and entered in closing quietly the door behind her she was taken aback by Chase who was sitting on the chair and singing just like she did before to ease the angel. He sang in a quiet and gentle voice and was holding one of the angel's hands on his own. She stayed still and intrigued staring at the scene as her ears processed the song.

"You are my sunshine; my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away"

She had heard that stupid song before. But well, who she was to criticize his choice of song? She had already sung a damn fluffy lullaby to the crazy angel anyway.

"The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms, but when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and I cried"

She rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the scene but then had to bit her tongue remembering herself singing the stupid lullaby to Castiel two times on her account. _Better for me it that doesn't go to Youtube version of Heaven and Hell either._ _I have a reputation to keep._

"You are my sunshine; my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away"

Chase stopped singing and Meg sighed annoyed. _If you start singing Twinkle, twinkle little star I'll kill myself. Probably I'll make Crowley a favor. _She noticed that the angel's eyes were half lidded and he was tiredly staring at an invisible spot in the air. Taking steps towards Chase she made her presence known and the man turned to her after leaving in a gentle manner Castiel's hand on top of the blankets and the mattress. Meg smirked playing her role.

"Did he behave?"

She asked pointed with a smile at the thin and weakened frame of the angel. Chase nodded.

"He's a little angel." He said chuckling and Meg looked at him folding her arms across her chest with amuse and an ironic smirk. She studied his expression and just found the same sincere concern and kind sympathy he had in his eyes directed to the fallen angel. _You really got it there, Chase._ "No problem at all. He awoke a moment ago and seemed a little restless so" He trailed off shrugging. Meg nodded. _So you decided to sing to him. I guess I'm not the only crazy here for singing stupid songs to moronic feathery angels._ "I guess you'll stay with him all night."

She nodded and Chase got up from the chair. Meg smiled widely when she noticed how tall he was, probably as tall as Sammy or a little more. _What the hell is wrong with me and tall men?_

"That's fine. I'll stay taking care of Emily."

"Emily? The woman with the pillow?"

Meg asked just out for courtesy. He nodded once looking gravelly worried.

"Yes, she had a breakdown last night. She said that someone had come to take her baby away from her." Meg's ears perked at that and her gut twisted in anticipation. She looked at him interested. "Poor Emily, she said someone was in the gardens last night and that her baby was in danger. We had to put her down for a while; she was very affected."

"Oh my, that's horrible."

Meg's brain was connecting ideas and theories and unconsciously she rested one of her hands on top of the still angel's one that Chase had been holding. The man nodded serious and preoccupied.

"Well, I'll see you around, Masters."

She nodded thanking him and left the room leaving the demon highly affected and impressed by his words. _Dammit. I guess you weren't seeing things, Clarence._ She paced the room thinking. What if it wasn't some demon or a crap like that who didn't know who she was and who the angel was? If that was the case, she didn't need to make a big deal about it. Crazy humans used to see things normal humans didn't, right? But in the other hand, what if it was someone who knew everything? Or someone who was on her but didn't have a clue about the angel? Or someone who didn't give a damn about her and was on the angel? What if it was just a freaking ghost? She growled angrily huffing frustrated. She glanced back at the bed and noticed Castiel's shifting and nervous behavior. He looked around confused and obviously exhausted with half lidded lost eyes. _I don't have time for another crisis, Clarence_. She snorted fuming in anger but anyway she came over him and took the same hand Chase and she had taken before. He was slightly shivering but his skin felt a little warmer than before, but it wasn't the normal temperature he should have.

"Calm down, Clarence. I'm here, I'll take care of everything or my ass will be kicked."

She growled with deep frown still wondering about the situation and looking distractedly at the window and the door, then at the angel after feeling his fingers circling hers softly in apparent silent communication. She looked at his eyes but they were practically empty. _I guess I'm seeing things too_.

"What a picture."

The voice startled her enough to force her to turn around abruptly and let go of the angel's hand. There in the room on one corner a man was standing and staring at both with disdain and mockery. Meg smirked studying him completely as one of her hands dug in the back of her white uniform's pocket.

"I thought I was never going to see the day when the infamous demon _Meg_, daughter of Azazel and apprentice of Alastair, loyal follower of Lucifer, was going to be taking care of" He averted his black demonic eyes at the angel who was oblivious of everything. _I guess ignorance is bliss, how happy for you, little fellow_. Meg watched the demon calmly gripping the object she had in her pocket without him noticing. "an angel. That's kind of sweet for you, isn't it, Meg?"

"Well, what can I say, you know, survival this days is hard."

She said grinning playfully and shrugging her shoulders. The demon knew about the angel's identity. _Son of a bitch. _She walked casually towards him. The only thing that eased her was that she recognized easily that he was a low level demon. How he dared to come here to threaten her? Now she was furious. But she was an _excellent actress _after all.

"One thing is survival; other thing is screwing with enemies."

Meg cocked her eyebrows highly mad now and controlling herself to not rip his throat apart. _Screwing? If only that was true… _she laughed inwardly. A big smirk spread on her red lips.

"Have you seen me screwing him?" She gestured to the angel on the bed. "I don't like to be blamed for things I hadn't done."

_Yet. Hopefully if we get out of here in one piece and one fine day Clarence let me strip down his purity._

"Nice." The man paused. "But let's stop playing around, Meg." _If you say so… _"I don't have interest in killing a _fellow _you know." _Fellow? What a shit. First you accused me of screwing Clarence… _"I just want the angel."

She snorted. _Of course._ She studied the demon's façade and noticed that he was sincere in not wanting to fight her and he wasn't in fact a _good demon_ to take on. He was a messenger. Now, if he had been sent by Crowley he would surely not sent someone like this to fight her and smite her, he would have come probably himself to have his day for killing her and taking Castiel away. The demon was lame enough to not be in this for his own, so he was sent by someone else who had an interest in the angel but didn't want to mess with her. She didn't know why. Could it be someone who _appreciated her precious life? _This demon _respected_ her (and liked to be alive) because he knew that she was _better suited _than him. And if a demon, a powerful one, was behind this, he wouldn't have sent someone so pathetic to confront her either. So after thinking through all this, she was very intrigued.

"So, you don't have any business with me."

She said calmly still with content expression. The demon nodded once between seriousness and mockery.

"No, I don't." He started walking towards her. "I just want the angel. I don't have anything for you besides suggesting not getting into the pants of the enemy."

"Alright. Let's cut the crap." She said now annoyed by him and tackling him quicker than he had expected. He was caught off guard by her unexpected and soon advance and she shoved her arm against his throat smashing him against the wall brusquely. A knife was on her hand and dangerously close to his neck. His head banged against the cold wall. Meg used her other arm to keep a strong grip of his arms against his torso. He looked surprised at her but calmed almost immediately. "Who are you? Who sent you? Why do you want the angel?"

He laughed and that only got her madder. She strengthened the force in the arm trapping his throat and the edge of the knife touched the man's neck. She looked at him gravelly with amuse and a smirk of satisfaction. How she had missed this.

"Why are you treating me so badly, Meg? I'm like you, a demon." When she rolled her eyes with anger and disdain he sighed deeply. "Alright, maybe you're better than me, but we are the same. I'm trying to free you from the burden of taking care of an angel, for whatever reason you're doing it." _You don't know, it seems. _She smiled inwardly. "By the way, why are you taking care of him? If you have your own agenda regarding him, why don't we share him? There are things happening here with you that I don't get, Meg. Why do you keep him here and why are you here behaving like a human? Why didn't you take him to one place where you could rip him apart slowly?"

_Liar. Share him, yeah, fuck you jerk. _She knew he was lying. He didn't want to pick a fight on her for some reason, but the one who sent him and the demon himself weren't to share with her whatever they had in mind about Castiel. And no way was she going to let the angel go to anyone who wasn't her or inevitably Deano and Sammy and just because she could do business with them.

"I guess I have my dirty little secrets as you, _my friend_." She said with a lopsided sarcastic smirk looking up and getting her face close to the demon. "But it will be better for you if you tell me what I asked you."

"I won't say a thing." He paused eying her with mockery. "Come on, torture me if you want, I would like that. And you know what; someone is expecting me to come back. While you are torturing me someone else will come and you'll be dead and the angel will be ours."

"Then I'll guess I'll have to kill you now and then go after your little friends."

She plunged to sink the knife in his chest, a knife she had sent to be made for protection. Deano and Sammy hadn't wanted to leave her an angelic blade, fearing possible that she could use it in Castiel, and Ruby's knife was theirs. So she had this one, _special _one, made of the kind of shit that hurt most demons. But right now that didn't matter because the man was quick and stopped her attack and they ended struggling against each other. She hissed and cursed under her breath while the man laughed teasing her. She was taken aback for his sudden strength. Who the hell was this demon and who was his master? He forced her to drop the knife and then the fight became physical and the both were kicking the other ass trying to get the upper hand. Meg noticed that she was stronger and more skilled than him, but he had such a stamina keeping him going against her even being the weaker one. When she tried to kneel and pick up her knife (she was furious for not having the chance to prove it) he didn't let her do it and kicked the knife out of sight. She saw by the corner of her eyes at the bed where the angel had sat down and was staring absently at the scene. _Don't dare to do anything, feathers_. But she was distracted and the man punched her strongly on the face and threw her against the wall this time banging her head. He approached her laughing after picking the knife from under the chair.

"Stupid whore. I knew I was going to smite you tonight."

He said laughing with disdain. She looked at him enraged and seizing her possible moves to get the upper hand again and saw the knife on his hand ready to strike at her on the chest but suddenly Castiel was up and behind the man and he pressed his hand on top of the demon's head tightly forcing him to turn around. Meg immediately took advantage of his distraction and took the knife from his hand brusquely hurting him in the process. The man who was caught off guard by the angel's intervention screamed in pain while his fingers burned and melted. Meg smirked happily with her new weapon and stared satisfied at Castiel putting his hand on the demon's forehead causing him to scream as the white light streamed from his face thanks to the angel's power. She wanted so badly to plunge the knife into the man's chest but right now was more than worried that the screaming in the silence of the night was going to drag unnecessary attention to them, especially if there was a corpse lying on the room. She looked at the angel who seemed to lose the strength he had needed to got up and smite the demon and swayed dangerously on his feet. Meg hid the knife in her pocket again and supported him against her meat suit keeping him balanced. Castiel's head fell on her shoulder and he was fighting hard to keep himself standing.

"That's my boy."

She whispered to him proudly and then noticed something she hadn't noticed since minutes ago. She turned slowly to the door and stared at Chase there still as a statue watching quietly at both and then at the man lying dead on the floor. Meg frowned exasperated and angry. _Dammit Chase, I like you, you know, for a human being you're not a jackass. _She faced his surprised expression waiting for an outburst and picturing different scenarios of how to get the hell out of the nuthouse before someone else came. Chase's expression changed from surprise to weird calm and he blinked at Meg. She noticed his eyes on them softening and the resolution his body sported then.

"It will be better for you if you let us go."

She frankly said with a little grin. She could feel Castiel's vessel going totally limp and soon she knew she was going to be holding into an unconscious angel. Chase blinked again and seemed to think in her words. He looked around and behind him and motioned her to be quiet and wait. He got out of the room closing the door. Meg remained there confused and annoyed. _What the fuck?_ She heard voices outside and people running through the halls. Vaguely she recognized Chase's voice doing some explaining. She wondered why she hadn't gone and why she was waiting for him to return. Probably because he hadn't reacted the way she expected him to. After minutes that seemed hours to the demon, Chase returned and the voices and footsteps sounded far away. He approached Meg and silently asked her for the angel. It was her time to look shocked and intrigued at him and she tightened her grip on Castiel's almost limp meat suit.

"I guess you're going. Let me help you to take him outside."

He simply said serenely and for a second her mouth gaped like a fish. She narrowed her eyes distrustful but knowing she didn't have time to waste nodded and passed the angel's vessel to the man. This one picked him up easily again in bridal style and motioned her to follow him. She nodded picking some stuff she kept hiding in the room and then followed the man through halls that were empty in a daze and rush. Before going out of the building they went to her locker where she picked up a pair of bags with the things she had been preparing for this and after minutes of hiding from workers of the mental institution and walking quietly on corridors, they were out of the building into the night. Meg walked quickly behind Chase who was carrying a half awakened Castiel. They went to the parking lot where her car was waiting for them and she motioned to Chase to it. She opened the passenger's door and while she put the things inside the trunk of the car keeping an intrigued eye on the male nurse, this one helped Castiel to get inside the car. Noticing the angel's trembling, the man took off his jacket and covered him with it in a gentle and protective manner. Meg closed the trunk and walked to the other door glaring with mistrust and confusion at Chase trying to get him.

"You'll be fine, Adam, hang in there. The lady will take care of you."

Meg huffed quite glad with the word he used to refer to her. She couldn't help to not feel sympathy for the man in spite of the weird behavior he was showing now.

"Everything will be ok."

He assured the angel patting one of his shoulders kindly and Meg was about to demand him to explain his actions and help (he saw them fighting a man and killing him, for the love of… and he was still there, helping them out, maybe he was crazy) when she looked better at his eyes and realized the reason. She stared at him with wide surprised eyes and after snorting amused and interested she smirked.

"You know that he's not human, right?" She started rounding the car and approaching Chase who was knelt in one knee and kept looking gently at the angel while his hand was stroking his dark brown hair. "You know what he is." She said quite shocked and grinning. _Wow, I didn't expect this_. But she could see it plenty in there, in the male nurse's eyes, the soft and almost invisible spark of light that didn't came from his own green eyes. His eyes were now like a mirror reflecting what he could see and was seeing at the moment. Chase turned to her and smiled nodding thoughtful. "You can see his true form. You can see that he's an angel."

She simply concluded calmly. Chase sighed deeply.

"Well, I didn't know if he was the real thing but I had the feeling. It's not exactly that I can see it totally but I see some of his true visage, to say something. I guess it is because he's inside this human and I don't know if I could face him so nicely if I was seeing completely at his true self."

It was her time to just nod. She averted her eyes at the angel with partially opened eyes wondering if Chase could grab an idea of her. Did he know somehow that she wasn't human either? Did he know what she was?

"I won't say goodbye." Chase said to her and she looked again to his face not daring to say anything else. For some odd reason she didn't want for Chase to get involved in the whole story. "But if you ever need help, you can call me." He looked for something in the front pocket of his shirt and extended a card to Meg. She took it hesitating. Chase chuckled at her.

"Don't worry; I won't start asking questions of whatever happened in the room or why an angel is like this." He sincerely said turning his attention to Castiel again and giving him a reassuring pat on his arm. "I won't ask who you are or what you are, or why you two are in this mess."

Meg huffed amused. He knew that she wasn't human. She didn't know if it was because of his ability to see Castiel's true form that enable him to do the same with her of if it was plenty logic. No common human could be taking care of an angel; she guessed that could be his theory too.

"I'll take care of the dead man, don't worry." He got up and looked firm at Meg. "Just go and be safe."

She nodded totally baffled and amused by his behavior and words. _You don't know what I am, Chase. _That was why he wasn't freaking out and trying to take the angel away from a demon. Anyway, it was better that way, she didn't want to kill him or incapacitate him if he tried it. She saw him serenely as the man bent down and looked gently at the angel for a last time.

"It was nice meeting you even if I don't know your true name."

He smiled warmly and widely at the angel and for a moment this one locked his blue tired eyes on him and Meg noticed the reaction it caused in Chase. He took a deep breath and his expression was even more peaceful and he stared at the angel with awe beholding him. It was like if he was staring at the most amazing and hypnotizing thing he had seen ever and his smile was spread all over his face. The demon narrowed her eyes looking for the glimmer mirroring in the man's eyes and she knew that as a demon she couldn't get a freaking glimpse of Castiel's true form as most of humans couldn't, but there in the green kind and trapped eyes of Chase she could find something different whenever he looked in that way to the angel. She wondered if it was the same for others who watched humans looking at angels. With that, Chase waved farewell to her still treating her like a human and run to the building. She closed the passenger's door and got into the car starting it immediately. She drove them away from the mental institution without knowing what would happen next.


	5. Vulnerable

**Hello again :)!**

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**Chapter Five "Vulnerable"**

Meg drove for long hours looking distractedly through the rear-view mirror as her hands like claws were clasping the steering wheel. It was still dark and she hadn't said anything since they had left the mental institution behind. She wondered what Chase had done with the corpse and what was going on when they had noticed that _Adam Campbell _wasn't in his room and she disappeared without notice. Now pondering about it, she found strange that she hadn't received a call from The Brothers Grimm; it was more than obvious and expected that Dr. Kadinsky was going to contact them about the disappearance of the angel and hers. Probably Chase had something to do with it; maybe he was giving them time to escape delaying the notice of their absence at the nuthouse. Anyway, she knew that she needed to call Deano and Sammy as soon as she stopped after feeling that they were far away and safer. She didn't know what was going to happen then and frankly at this point, she didn't care. Glancing distractedly at the angel on the passenger seat, she frowned knowing that her instincts were right all along. _She shouldn't have agreed taking this job._

The angel was lying motionless and quiet as almost always since he had started his way to neurotic town. His eyes were half lidded and his stare was lost and extremely empty and tired. He was still wearing the white clothes of his role as psycho mute patient and the jacket Chase had given to him was still covering his weak and shivering frame. His breathing was close to normal. The demon turned her eyes to the road and decided that it was time to stop for a moment. She needed to dress him up for when they were able to find a town soon. Even if she was a demon driving for so long unnerved her especially if she was feeling that dread in her gut. _I don't have to deal with this. _When she spotted a place by the side of the road that she found perfect to stop, she did it and sat down a moment after parking in silence, with her hands still on the steering wheel but more relaxed. She looked around. There was a big forest by the two sides of the damn lonely road.

She sighed impatiently and get out from the car and went to the trunk opening it. She opened the bag that belonged to the angel, the other one being hers as a big purse. She took some clean clothes she had gotten for Castiel, common clothes and nothing like his old same old black suit. She didn't have the famous trench coat the angel wore as a second skin (because Deano had taken it), giving him that delicious aspect that combined with his black suit and tie provoked her to want to rip sensually the known attire apart. Shocking her naughty thoughts from her mind, she collected the new clothes, a white undershirt, a black casual shirt and a pair of new jeans. She took a pair of sneakers. The angel was only wearing white socks. Quickly she approached Castiel and opened the car's door and in silence she maneuvered his still almost limp and weak vessel tearing apart the white uniform leaving him only in his underwear and socks. She dressed him up with skill brought from doing this a lot of times already and ended tying his shoelaces. She forced him to wear Chase's jacket and it was kind of big for someone as Castiel even in his healthier days. He looked funny and the sleeves covered his hands completely. But the kind of caramel jacket was nice and it looked quite good in the crazy angel and it was very warm. Meg guessed Chase had paid a lot of money for it. _There you have it, Clarence_. She said still cranky and moody for the situation and with serious and annoyed face. She combed his hair with her fingers in the style she had adopted for him and leaving him sitting there she walked back to the opened trunk. _At least you look like a normal person, fluffy feathers_. It was her time to change her clothes. She did it quickly too and ripped apart the white uniform she had worn the last weeks. She hated it and was more than happy to be able to wear the kind of clothes she liked, even if it wasn't a very conservative style.

She sighed deeply still thinking in what to do, apart from calling dumb and dumber, and wondered if it wasn't easier if she smoked out to find Dean and Sammy and talk to them face to face. The way Castiel was now she was very sure he wasn't going to try anything funny. She shot a last mindful look on his way and tried to teleport herself to the nearest town. And then… nothing happened.

Furrowing her brow baffled and confused, the demon tried it again and again and in the fifth time she felt a sharp pain growing in her low back and running up till it reached her head and caused her a horrible headache. She hissed furiously out of pain and anger and cursed under her breath needing to support herself on the closed trunk. As she watched her hands on top of the hood and her eyes burned due to the pain and she was breathing slowly to control the unexpected pain, she frowned with her mind in a daze of confusion and analysis. What the hell happened to her? She hadn't felt anything unusual while she was driving them down the road. After evening her breathing and not daring to try once more to teleport, she felt better and soon she was feeling normal again. Distressed and enraged, she decided to check her meat suit, maybe it was functioning wrong or some things like that, but it was the same old meat suit she was wearing since months ago. She looked in the car for something weird that could be pulling out the trick but she didn't find anything either. Narrowing her eyes and feeling the rage increasing dangerously within her she looked at the angel and then it hit her. She recalled the only crappy thing it had happened lately that was unusual and remembered her chat and fight with the demon in Castiel's room. She tried to recall every word and every movement exchanged between the demon and she.

"Fucking piece of shit!"

She let out through seething teeth and balling tightly her fists as her meat suit convulsed in despair, frustration and pure and unstoppable fury. She checked herself seeing into her true self within the human meat suit and noticed shocked and perplexed that even when she still could possess the meat suit she was wearing and had enhanced strength, she was trapped within it and a lot of her arcane knowledge and power, leaving her weak and kind of useless. And she snapped and flew into a violent rage and she was screaming the worst curses she had heard all her long life as she paced frantically in front of the neurotic angel. She was so enraged that she wanted to punch a tree but she didn't dare when she didn't know exactly how much affected her nature was. She didn't like this, she didn't like to feel powerless and useless, even having her enhanced strength it wasn't the same and she hated it. Meg took deep breathes trying to calm herself and knowing that she wasn't going to get anything good if she lost her mind. Folding her arms against her chest tightly and standing livid in front of the angel she narrowed her eyes glaring at him fiercely. This was his entire fault. She should have listened to her instincts, to her gut, when they told her to flee. But no, she decided to stick around a lunatic angel and do a job of babysitting him and this was what she got in exchange.

"This is your fault, Clarence."

She growled deathly serious and glaring at him with disdain and pure hate. The angel was staring at her but not really looking at her. That only boiled her rebelled anger.

"That son of a bitch wanted _you_. Only you, Clarence, and I like an idiot defended your pathetic ass and saved your pitiful life and what do I get in return? To be screwed!"

She paused leaning a little towards the motionless sitting down angel.

"And not content with that, while I don't know what the hell to do, you have your family reunion within that stupid head of yours!"

She couldn't help to grin happily thinking in it and when the angel's expression changed a little, just a little, and she could see his pain caused by her words, she smirked evilly enjoying his troubled and lost look.

"I have to take care of a child who is just a damn fallen feathery ass!"

She laughed weakly before bending over the angel and snickering with glee and triumph.

"You know, Clarence. I could easily even in my current situation smite you so delightfully. Just because you're my job doesn't mean I care about you really, surely you know that. Of course I want to screw you, just because I feel _curious_ about it, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to give my life for you, _wings_."

She stood then in all her glory chucking ironically and gloating in the position they were. She was still on charge, she was still the _sane _and powerful one now, and she had him like a dog on a leash and that made her feel glorious.

"You're not going to say anything, _honey_? At least give me some fun if I cannot fuck you senseless, sweetie! Make my misery worthy at least and do something! I don't like to be bored and not wanting to offend you"

She smirked with sarcasm.

"I'm kidding, being _with you_ is boring, Clarence! I hope you're not being boring with _my boss _inside there."

She commented staring down at him coldly pointing at his head and feeling proud when she noticed his distress and discomfort and saw how his eyebrows knitted in fear.

"Dammit, Clarence. I'm not going to take a shot for you."

She said seriously and sighing sick and tired with everything related to the angel she knelt down in front of him and run her hand seducing along his chest, arm and neck with malevolent expression.

"I guess you still have your mojo. That's unfair, _love_."

She said indifferently and the feeling of what she had lost of her bubbled under her skin like acid. As she was silently glaring at the angel for a moment she thought she had seen the old fire of menace and danger one day Castiel had displayed at her on those blue eyes of him looking through her when they seemed so… empty. And she didn't know that if it was her current state or just her damn imagination but it made her feel uneasy and uncomfortable, and an alarm was ringing within her mind. She laughed lowly and found that maybe he was looking at her with the same bitterness and hate she was showing to him so openly.

"How the hell you and I ended together? I don't have to do this, not all this, not even when my ass is in danger. Do you imagine that one time we were going to end like this? Running away and chased? Together while I cover up your sorry ass and I lost part of what I am putting pretty me in danger? This wasn't in the deal, sweetheart. And it's time I do the right thing for little Meg."

She got up after smiling gleefully and stealing a violent kiss from the angel's trembling mouth leaving his lips swollen and flushed she took out her phone from the pocket of her fancy jacket and looked for Dean Winchester's number.

"Now, Clarence, you're going back to your _former _friends, Deano and Sammy. I'm done with you."

Her words seemed to spark something within the silent and still state of the angel. Meg was surprised when he stared at her with seriousness and a deep frown. Inwardly she smirked gladly. At least he wasn't the stupid broken doll anymore.

"Don't call them."

He said with tired and pleading voice. But his eyes looked demanding at her. _So, you think you can overpower me, tree topper?_ She laughed inwardly but stared at him faking interest.

"Why not? There's no one besides me and _probably_ them that will _take you back_, Clarence."

His body tensed and she noticed his inner struggling to keep the conversation with her. The despair Meg saw reflected in his eyes caused her pure and utter delight.

"They're occupied… I won't bother them anymore… again…"

This time she laughed out loud and looked at him with joking pity.

"Why don't you say the truth, cloud hopper?"

She approached him again and crouched down to meet him at eye-level.

"Say it. You don't want me to call them because you know that they won't forgive you ever, not totally at least."

The angel just stared blankly at her with intense blue eyes. _So you want to play it hard_.

"You don't want me to call them to come to pick up your sorry feathery ass because you feel like crap with all that blame stuck on your fucking bulb of light."

She sniggered watching his expression getting troubled.

"You did very bad things, Clarence; you're the one destroying the world."

The demon paused sighing deeply and letting her dark eyes wonder around before looking down and stare back at the angel who was looking at her quiet and with unblinking piercing eyes. His face was stoic as ever but there in the deep blue of his eyes Meg could see satisfactorily his tormented state of crazy mind.

"I do wonder what your _daddy_ thinks about you right now."

She sing sang shocking her head disapprovingly with a little lopsided smirk. She knew what her words were going to spark in the angel and she was expecting it, so when his eyes filled with a tremor of incommensurable guilt, she grinned inwardly.

"And what's left of your _brothers and sisters _with fluffy wings."

She rested her hands on his thighs pressing tightly as her face got closer to his. He was stiff and still.

"So tell me, Clarence, _former soldier of God, former god_, _current roommate of my beloved father_, why don't you want me to call the Winchesters boys?"

He gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw and after glaring at her with that old flame of power he had making her to shudder in pleasure, he averted his eyes and Meg laughed out loud mockingly.

"I'm sorry, Clarence. But I'm done with you. I won't be in the middle of whatever shit that wants you _especially if _I can get burned like I'm now. Sammy and Deano will have to deal with you."

She got up still crazed by the frustration and fury and rolling her eyes she felt due to her current situation. Suddenly she felt the angel catching her wrist strongly and she turned to face him and found him staring at her with decisive eyes. They still looked hunted by all the crap the angel was bottling up, something she didn't care a bit, but the way his body didn't look weak and the way his head was tilted and his expression was firm and deathly serious, told to Meg that he was really serious about his negative of going back to the Winchesters.

"Let me go." She simply said with cold voice but Castiel's frowned. "You won't stop me."

"If you call them to look for me, I'll go. If it's so bothering to you being with boring me, then, I'll free you from it and I'll go right now."

She chuckled rolling her eyes plenty making fun of him. He gripped tighter her wrist making her to stop and they engaged in a war of deathly glares.

"Are you menacing me, stupid pigeon? Don't dare to tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do."

She pushed him away with her free hand forcing him to release her wrist. The angel kept staring at her demanding and intensely. Her wrist throbbed horribly more than the usual and that enraged her.

"I don't care if Deano and Sammy don't want or can't forgive you, Clarence. I don't give a fuck about it. You made a mess _little angel_, and you screwed up a lot of people, and now _I am_ in that list. You almost killed Sammy and you betrayed Deano, you provoked their surrogate daddy's _death_, and thanks to you those nasty and horrible things with teeth are out there, _honey_. Heaven _doesn't_ want you I can guess and hell _wants_ to torture and devour your _light_."

She said with a big grin leaning over and staring at him straight at the eyes.

"And your slug friends, I don't think they will be happy to know you're around. And maybe, just maybe, I'm being _good _here, Clarence, I want to return you to the only people who _probably_ can find some sort of use for you. I don't think they really could care about you after the shit you throw on them, but that's beside the point, isn't' it? I don't think _cute friendship _existed there between you three. Do you want to know why? Unlike you I was human once, and unlike you, I watched humans even when I become the fabulous thing I am."

She said smiling proudly with malicious eyes.

"And I can say that the thing between you and those hot annoying hunters wasn't exactly friendship. They used you, cloud hopper, just like you used them, nothing more. You're a little naïve child, Clarence, probably you should have been less flying around the puffy clouds and doing more human research. Everything in this life is for convenience, love and relationships aren't the exception, they are ruled by it." She paused caressing his cheek softly. "You know I'm right. They weren't really there for you when you needed it most, I suppose. That's one reason for why people go stray, Clarence."

After watching the effect her words were having in the angel, words that consumed him and made his eyes to look extremely tired and saddened, despite the firmness of his posture against her remembering her who he was, despite the stiffness of his damaged vessel and the blank expression his face held, his eyes could never really disguise his inner turmoil of feelings and thoughts dwelling within his true self. _How disgusting and pathetic you are, angel._

"But you know, like I said, I don't give a damn about the stupid issues you and the Winchesters have. Right now, I cannot have the luxury to be around carrying your sorry feathery ass while I'm this" She pointed out with her fingers. "close to be as powerless as a stupid human. I don't know if something else is happening to me."

When she noticed that Castiel didn't understand her and he looked at her studying her appearance, she laughed between mockery and disgust.

"Yes, _love_, it seems the demon you killed did something to little precious Meg and now I'm screwed. I don't want to be screwed. So, let's call the Winchesters to deliver their _friend_ and frankly, if they asked me to go on helping them with you, I don't think I'll stick around for the second round, sweetie. Dying or becoming useless isn't in my plan of life."

She pulled away from him and attempted to use her phone again but the angel suddenly got up, something that the demon noticed had taken all the strength he had at the moment and knocked her phone from her hand brusquely. Meg was so startled that she dropped it and after it fell on the ground Castiel stepped on it crushing it completely. The demon stared at first wide eyed and perplexed at the crushed thing for seconds and then gritting her teeth and seething looked back at the angel with cold and pure disdain in her eyes. He was standing facing her like if he was the once powerful and fearless angel she had known. _Don't make me laugh, feathers. You're nothing like that anymore._

"You shouldn't have done that, Clarence." She said with warning tone and narrowing her glare. The angel seemed a little ashamed but didn't back out. "That wasn't nice and in fact, it was fucking childish! You didn't need to throw a fit!"

He didn't say anything else and turned facing the forest and started to walk with resolution. Meg laughed with indifference.

"Now you're going, _love_?"

He stopped and sighed tiredly.

"I'm sorry you were "screwed" because of me." He said with strained voice without looking back at her. "I was sincere when I told you that I wasn't going to be a burden anymore to you, but I'm not going to be it to Dean and Sam either." Meg rested her hands on her hips a little interested in his little _epic_ speech. "You only repeated what I've been listening to when _he_ talks inside my head and outside it." The demon couldn't help this time to stop her snapping at him and get really intrigued at his words. "I free you from my presence."

"Oh, thank you, Clarence thanks a lot!" She said with exaggerated and faked happiness. Then she stopped her charade and chuckled annoyed. "Oh, Clarence, don't give me that crap." She said rolling her eyes with a little of her anger coming back. "Like if you really enjoy being with me. Stop playing the role of the good choir boy, alright? You don't want me close to you, except when you're feeling like a piece of shit, or when you're acting like a lunatic, honey. I'm an abomination to you, you little corny angel. So don't play like you're the _good_ one in this dance."

She heard him sighing deeply.

"You're right. But I'm an abomination too."

There was an awkward silence between both for seconds. Meg smirked watching him from head to toe with seductive eyes. She hadn't noticed thanks to her rage and little tantrum that he looked freaking hot in his new clothes. She licked her lips imagining a lot of dirty things as she looked around and noticed nobody else was there...

"You can tell Dean and Sam that you were "screwed" and forced to leave me."

"Fine by me." She said coldly and really playing along not really knowing where this game was taking them both. But she couldn't' help to be really mad with him when she remembered her sorry self and looked at the phone destroyed. "Come on, _little fellow_, go and see how far you can get on your own, without my beloved master making a mess of you." She walked towards him till she was behind him and she whispered to his ear with soft and malevolent voice. "I want to see what you'll do on your own, my little crazy child. I want to see how long it takes my very alive daddy to break you or your other creepy fantasies to overpower you."

"I thought this was what you wanted, for me to leave you free."

He said with a slight tremor in his voice and Meg watched his shoulders slumping slowly. She chuckled.

"Oh yeah, that's what I want. But I don't want you to think that you can make it on your own. And you know why, my precious Clarence?" She snaked her arms around his chest and run her hands in slow motion across his chest till they landed in his waist. Oh how much she wanted to force them lower… "That's because I enjoy a lot more to boss you around. But come on, try to _fly_ free, tree topper, I can call your friends later; they would try to find you anyway, just because like you, who is feeling so damn guilty, they feel pity for that crazy mind of yours."

She noticed the way his meat suit tensed with her touching and she just smirked gleefully, forcing her lips to get closer to his ear where she purred coquettish.

"Come on, try to break free, overgrown pigeon, and then you'll see that there's no one out there than me. And frankly right now I'm so mad about what happened to me because of your fucking fault, that I don't want to see you at least for a while or I'll lose my patience and I can take my anger and disappointment on you in pleasurable ways to me but not to Clarence."

She placed a fierce kiss on his cheek stretching her meat suit to reach him and then slapped him on the back laughing. The angel didn't say anything but looked at her for a little moment from the corner of his blue glassy eyes with obvious pain and shame and resumed his desperate and swaying walking going to the forest. Meg watched him amused and still furious till her eyes couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

><p>Meg was lying in the back seat since she had seen the angel going to the forest trying to cool down her temper. She felt really good after being able to taunt and discuss with Castiel after weeks of playing the role of good nurse at the nuthouse. And being totally honest, she had really been furious about what had happened to her for his fault. If the angel had acted faster and had smitten the demon, she wouldn't have been forced to fight him and she wouldn't be right now feeling awkward and uneasy with herself. Since moments ago as she was silent and pondering about the last scene between her and the angel, Meg was conscious that she didn't feel totally right and that unnerved her. She didn't know what was going on with her and in top of it; she needed to take care of an angel who had a permanent ticket to Lunatic Island. She guessed that this thing screwing her had increased her emotions and she couldn't help to like how it felt.<p>

She was stupid considering the idea of letting go Castiel so easily to the reluctant arms of the Winchesters when she knew better. It was true that sometimes she thought that she had had enough of babysitting the angel but she knew too that what she could gain in favor was more important than her own desire to drop him. At that moment she had really said what she felt but she knew she wasn't going to let him go so easily, not when she needed him to cover up her ass more than ever. Castiel still had his mojo working, his angelic juice was the best defense to protect her, and she had to accept it in spite of the repulsion she felt towards the self loathing and pitiful fallen angel. But it had been so interesting and funny to see him reacting towards her actions and words, that it couldn't help the demon to feel the ease to laugh enjoying the moment. _My, my, Clarence. When you get so combative I can't help to want to bite those lips of yours. _She laughed softly staring at the ceiling of the car. Outside it was daytime but it was so cloudy that it looked like the afternoon was there already. The angel had been gone for two or three hours. She sighed annoyed knowing that she needed to get up and go into the freaking forest to find him before he hurt himself or did something like the kind of things he used to do.

So the demon got up from her comfy spot and closing the car completely started her way towards the forest following the path she had seen Castiel taking. She mused about her conflicted situation, wanting so badly to flee and leave the job, and needing so desperately to stay and babysit. _What a fucking situation_. She felt sometimes that she was done with the angel especially when he did some things that she realized bothered her deeply and made her shudder in repulsion and want to crawl away from her meat suit. Sometimes she wanted so badly to slap and hit him. The last scene between the two had made her feel utterly satisfied and she basked in the sensation it brought to her being _mean _to the angel and getting him hurt somehow in return. It remembered her who she was and it helped her to see that she needed to get back to old days when she didn't have to run and she was the one chasing and having fun. She didn't know how much she really needed to vent out her pent up frustration. And it wasn't her fault that Castiel was the only one around when she had the perfect choice to do it. She whistled while she strolled through the forest looking around for the crazy angel. After walking around for a long time she got annoyed, bored and cranky. But she remembered what was important here and she took a deep breath.

"Come on, Clarence, it's time to go. I know you're here. Come out; come out, wherever you are _my_ _angel_." She sing sang jokingly. "Stop being a damn child, _darlin_g. You know I'll eventually find you."

She stopped when she heard a particular sound and followed it wearing a curious frown. Her walking took her to the bank of a river. The water running was the sound she had heard. She rolled her eyes tiredly and looked around. Soon her eyes landed on the angel she was looking for who was sitting down in a rock close to the edge of the river. He sat down with hunched figure and had his arms folded on top of his knees shrinking into himself. His face was down and looking at the water absently. He was motionless and quiet. Meg let out a deep breath of frustration and walked towards him with her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

"Hello, Clarence." She said looking at him amused and funnily. "I guess this was as far as you could go on your own. Good for you, _sugar_."

The demon knelt down in front of him. The angel had fallen into his catatonic state again. She sighed exasperated and smirked.

"Well, I have to give you some credit for trying it."

She silenced and watched him closely. His face was a perfect blank of emotions but his eyes were wide opened and seemed frozen in despair, exhaustion and guilt. _Same old, same old, I guess_. Then something caught Meg's attention and noticed the red in his hands. _Blood_. She took his hands carefully on hers and checked them up. He had cuts and scratches, some of them deep, but he didn't seem injured besides that. She wondered what he could possibly do to get them but shrugged off the curiosity. She didn't have time for this. She had a lot of things to do.

"Ok, dear, let's get to the car, and then to a damn town, I need to make a call."

"Don't call them. Please."

His accurate and well phrased words startled her and almost made her flinch. She rolled her eyes. _So you're still with the same old song, feathers_.

"Look, Clarence, I have to do it. They'll know sooner or later that we escaped from the nuthouse. Then they'll think that I'm responsible for that and they will haunt me down. I can only hope that Chase can talk to them in my favor. But anyway, they'll find out. That's part of who they are, unfortunately."

"I'll go if they come to get me. This time I'll use all I have and you won't find me."

"Are you threatening me, _fluffy wings_?"

She asked with menacing and evil tone and looking at him amused. She snickered. When he didn't answer and she could see the hint in his tired glassy eyes, the hint telling her that he was talking seriously, she pondered her options. She knew the angel was stubborn as hell when he wanted it to be, even in his lunatic state, and she knew that he was going to find the way to flee and disappear. But she knew too that she couldn't take easily the Winchesters and their way to take actions. She didn't want at this time to get into a fight with them. She needed them on _her good side_.

"Alright, what about this: I'll call them just to tell them what happened and that I had taken care of it. I won't tell them of my… current situation and that we don't know who sent that prick after you. Then I'll assure them that you're fine as you can be in your lunacy and that I'll take care of you like I've been doing it but just out of the mental institution. And if they insist, then I'll simply tell them that you aren't ready to see them and you threatened me to escape if I forced you."

She had asked his opinion just out of fun but she had already decided that it was the best option now. Later if the things got pretty hard or she didn't see any favor in keeping the angel away from the Winchesters and carrying him was a burden she couldn't handle, then she would find a way to drop Castiel on their doorstep. She noticed by the way he was looking at her that he didn't like some parts of her idea, especially the last ones, but she didn't give a damn about it. She was on charge here.

"What did you do, _baby_?" She asked lowering her gaze to his hands on hers and shrugging off whatever crappy thing he could say about her plan. When he didn't respond she looked up and found him staring distractedly at the river. He furrowed his brow and had a strange tinge mix of fear and shame sported in his blue eyes. "What is it, _dear_?"

She snorted looking at the same spot he was staring. There was nothing more than the wild waters of the river. She wondered how far it went along through the forest.

"Do you want to take a dive, Clarence?" She asked amusedly and sniggering. The angel shook his head with an expression akin to true terror and hung his face. Meg watched him intrigued for a silent moment. "What is it, feathers?"She asked genuinely curious. Castiel didn't say anything and kept staring absently at his hands on hers. She caressed them with the thumbs of her hands. "Are you afraid of the water, sweetie? Can't you swim?"

Her questioning was to mock him but when he flinched Meg noticed that she had said something meaningful. She waited still intrigued by his weird behavior, more than usual, and when she was bored of the waiting he spoke with low and monotone voice.

"It remembers me… some things I don't want to remember."

She nodded smiling looking at him funnily and then sighing she hauled him up with her letting his hands go. Noticing his instability to stay on his own feet and his slight swaying, he still looked like shit, she snaked her arm around his waist and supported most of his weight on her meat suit. At least she still had her enhanced strength. They walked back to the road in complete silence as she coaxed him to keep walking even when he dragged his feet on the ground and was close to trip over a few times. When they finally arrived to the car, she opened the door of the passenger seat and sat him down. Castiel remained just as she had let him all the while she used the first aid kit she had brought just in case to take care of his injured hands. The cuts and scratches were healing a little faster than they did on a human but it wasn't in the same rhythm they should when it was about an angel. Meg still wanted to know what the that meant.

After she finished cleaning and attending his hands, she got into the car and drove them again through the road far away. The silence was still there and even when it unnerved her greatly, she didn't dare to turn on the radio when she glanced at the angel and saw him barely conscious in the edge of falling slept soon. He really needed it; he looked like crap, crap. She knew that she needed to keep him taking the medications but she was going to take care of it when they arrived to a town where a nice room of a damn motel was waiting for them. She didn't know if the thing that had affected her was making her tired in a way it shouldn't be, but driving for so long hours and after all the things that happened, she felt exhausted enough to want to crawl into a bed and not wake up till tomorrow. The same quietness remained through long hours till Castiel started to shift in his sleep and trash. His head wobbled from side to side and his face contorted in a deep frown of pain, fear and pain. Meg kept glancing at him and back at the road furrowing her brow intrigued and annoyed at the same time. When she saw a signal showing that they weren't far away from the next town, she felt relieved. She was tired enough to handle the mad angel if he was having a bad dream.

"Hey, Clarence, calm down. Soon we'll be resting safe and sound in a bed."

She smirked wondering if she should ask for a room with one _huge _bed rather than two individuals. She chased away her perverted fantasies when she noticed how distressed Castiel was in his sleep and his head banged against the window. She cursed under her breath and shook him trying to wake him up wondering if she needed to stop the car again. They were so close to reach the town.

"Wake up, Clarence. Don't pull your act now, ok? Open your damn eyes now." The angel was whispering again in _enochian_ and seemed to not listen to her as his body started to shake violently and his face filled with despair and horror. Meg stared at him in total alert now. "Clarence, wake up!"

"Get… out…"

He said barely in low and hoarse voice as his vessel convulsed brusquely and was writhing on the passenger seat. Meg watched him arching his back and trying to breathe like if he was having some sort of asthma attack. His eyes had finally flickered open and were wide and paralyzed fixed crazily on the ceiling. His fists balled tightly hurting his hands again.

"Are you going to have a seizure now, Clarence?"

She questioned angered glaring at him and trying to keep her attention on the road. She knew she needed to stop the car right then. But after she turned the steering wheel with her only hand taking it, the other one grabbing Castiel's shoulder he let out a high scream of searing pain that shocked her.

"Get out… now!"

He yelled to her as his meat suit literally jumped from the passenger seat like if something was pulling him upwards and letting him fall later roughly, and she saw the white light crawling its way out from his vessel through his opened and trembling mouth and his huge and panicked eyes. His hands with balled fists pressed against the right part on his sternum as he tried to curl up probably to contain the pain but the convulsion of his vessel didn't allow him to and kept him trembling violently. Meg immediately jerked her hand on his shoulder away and put her hand on the steering wheel as the other one grabbed the handle of the door. She needed to get out quickly. If that white light that was Castiel touched her, she was done, more being a stupid weak demon now. But she was so entangled with the situation that her fingers couldn't open the damn door and when she heard the angel screaming at the top of his lungs again, like at the mental institution but increasing it little by little in a painful crescendo, she thought she was really done for.

The windows broke, the radio flickered sparks and before the white light started streaming out of the angel's eyes and mouth, she felt her meat suit being pushed against the door just as she maneuvered the freaking handle and Castiel pushed her out of the moving car into the road strongly. Meg rolled over and over for a moment feeling pain when her meat suit hit the hard ground and when she caught herself she was lying face down. She looked up hissing and bearing the ache of the fall but she didn't have time to deal with it. She looked impressed and shocked at the car still going but sideways, as the white bright light could be seen inside shining still. She hurriedly pulled herself up and run towards the car just when this one crashed against the trees stopping it. Meg stopped watching with grown eyes at the mess. There was white smoke floating from the car and it looked like garbage from a scrap yard. She felt pity for the car.

She had chosen one really nice and now it was useless for their little runaway. She restarted her way running till she reached it and rounded it going to the passenger seat. She didn't have a clue what she was going to find. She didn't know what happened with the angel. Was he still there? Was he forced to leave his vessel behind? Was another damn thing about his neurosis? She walked slowly leaning down still careful in case there was some of the damn white light within the vehicle. She didn't want to be more screwed than she was already. She sighed relieved when she set serious eyes on the motionless meat suit of the angel. She put her hands cautiously on the door and was a little taken aback and annoyed by the slight heat the material had, but ignored it after getting used to it and she opened the door. Castiel's head was resting against the back of the seat but was turned to the driver seat. She looked around the car and noticed that beyond the windows broken, the radio melted and the consequences of the crash against the trees, there wasn't any other odd sign to consider. She frowned kind of intrigued and concerned and took the angel's face between her hands turning it to her. His blue eyes were drowsy but partially opened and he had a nasty bleeding deep cut on the left right side of his forehead. She looked into his eyes trying to guess if he was still there, inside, and didn't say anything as she noticed for the first time that she was trying to catch her breath just as he was so desperately to do.

"Clarence? Are you there?" She asked with caution and he nodded slightly slumping on the seat tiredly. She let out a deep sigh of relief. _Damn you, you like to scare the hell out of me, baby, what I was going to do if you weren't here anymore to explain to your old pals? _"What the hell happened?"

Meg questioned him before she carefully got him out of the car, rested him against the trunk of a tree and stopped the rumbling of the car. At least it hadn't exploded or something. She knelt down close to the angel highly intrigued and pressing him. She didn't care a bit if he was fighting to keep himself awake. She needed a explanation. And the fact that he was staring absently at the empty space trembling and with his head wobbling didn't ease her a bit and angered her.

"Clarence, talk to me."

"I need you to do something for me."

He answered back lowly to her clear order. She cocked her eyebrows surprised. Castiel looked at her after his head fell on his right side tilted. He seemed so exhausted and worried about something.

"What?"

She dared to ask not really liking the sound of his voice and his weird behavior.

"I need you to put an enochian sigil on me."

"What?"

"In my current mental state…" He started ignoring unconsciously her baffled expression. "I can do a lot of damage with my grace." _Ok. I can get that._ Meg narrowed her eyes guessing where this was going to."I almost let my power out and I could have provoked a terrible harm." _How sweet, you wanted to spare me from destruction_. "This place would have been severely damaged." _I guess it wasn't only my life the thing you wanted to spare. _She snorted inwardly. "I cannot let it happen again… if I cannot control it like I did it minutes ago… I need you to block it."

She pondered quickly about his plead and with narrowed serious eyes she took his chin on her hand.

"Tell me something, if I do this, you're going to lose your mojo, right? You won't be able to access to your angelic juice." He averted his eyes sheepishly and his silence and grave expression gave her the truth. She released him hissing angrily and staring thoughtful at the angel. "And with my current situation, we'll both be highly unprotected."

"The sigil won't block my grace completely… it will be more like a limit. If we were in danger I would be able to access it. But just in certain circumstances."

She looked at his eyes in silence trying to measure the truth of his words. She wasn't ready to carry with him on her shoulders before this and now she wasn't ready at all to do it being him screwed like her in some way. Castiel looked back at her pleadingly and somehow even when she could see the truth in the deep of his blue orbs, her gut told her that she shouldn't be trusting so easily in the enemy. But Meg liked to take risks and she liked to mess with this angel in particular, so she ignored her instincts again knowing that the action was going to come back to bite her in the ass someday. She smirked enthusiastically at the angel surprising him. She patted his cheek _lovingly_.

"Alright, Clarence."

_At least you'll let me do one of the two things I would love to do to you, feathers. _Castiel nodded with a little spark of distress shining in his eyes and the demon grinned at him caressing his cheek as she winked. _It will be only a freaking angelic sigil like a… tattoo. It won't hurt, love, at least not forever._


	6. That Carving Thing

**Hello again :)**

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**English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve.**

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**I hope you both like this chapter :D**

**And about the character from Supernatural who appears here, she won't stick around, it's just a temporal character so don't worry especially if you don't like her :), she's only there for a ride. I have in mind other characters to appear ;). **

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**See you later, boys and girls.**

**Chapter Six "That Carving Thing"**

The angel handed over the piece of paper to her. The demon took it still hesitating about the stuff of using an angelic sigil on him to help him to control his angelic nature. She understood where he came from, why he wanted so desperately to have some restraint of some sort to avoid destroying whatever thing was close to him. But she knew that affected their security and protection, especially now when she was weird and wasn't at her full speed. That issue she didn't forget and she knew she had to take a better look to try to explain what had been done to her. After their brief chat, Castiel had required a piece of paper and a pen or pencil, and Meg had given him quickly and highly intrigued the items in silence. She looked attentively at Castiel while they were again into the woods (Meg knew they couldn't stay by the side of the road with a broken car, it could raise too many suspicions so she pushed it into the woods to hide it) sitting down under a big old and leafy tree. While he was finishing his _drawing_, Meg waited staring annoyed at their bags and her purse. _Great. Now we're going to carry those to the next creepy town._ Then the piece of paper was in her hands and she studied it with fascination hidden with indifference behind her pride to admit that the sigil was of her like. She just frowned beholding every trace done by the angel and then turned to him with a little pleasant smirk.

"Where do you want it, _love_?" She asked grinning complacent and cocking her eyebrows questionably. Castiel stared at her with his back against the trunk of the tree wearing that common tiredness of him since he saved Sam from his personal inferno. His expression was blank. "I mean your back, your chest, or another _more private part _of your anatomy?"

She battered her eyelashes mockingly sitting down in front of him on her folded legs. The angel blinked once clearly perturbed by her question. She laughed. "Come on, Clarence. Are we going to have this conversation again? I _saw_ you _naked_ a lot of times already. There's nothing new for me to see…"

She glanced distractedly on purpose with a little naughty smirk down on his lap and when Castiel's eyes grew finally understanding where her mockery and humor came from, he averted his eyes angered. But the demon could see too that little tinge of shame and confusion he put on his face when he didn't understand fully some actions of hers. She chuckled and he cleared his throat ignoring her with slight narrowed scolding eyes. When he looked at her like that, she didn't know if she preferred this type of eyes or the puppy dog eyes even when these last unnerved her greatly.

"In my chest. Just here." He pointed with his hands above the same spot she had seen him clutching at back at the car before he nearly went nuclear on her, closely to his meat suit's heart. "You'll need to carve it and leave a scar."

"I don't have problem with the carving thing." She said smirking. Castiel nodded but his eyes looked haunted. "But you're an angel, _love_, so you'll heal and then I guess it will disappear eventually even if you're now weaker like a kitten. What about the bleeding? You could bleed severely wings."

The angel glared at her seriously and Meg shrugged smiling gleefully. He didn't like to be reminded by her that he was weak, it seemed. He seemed thoughtful for a moment and then stared at her.

"This sigil is kind of special. It won't disappear so easily and to avoid it we can try something to make it to last the most time possible. About the bleeding, don't worry; I'll try to handle it." He paused mindful and by the way he looked at her silently, Meg had a bad feeling about it. "If we had an archangel blade it will be easier. It does more everlasting damage to angels."

"Yeah, but we don't have that crap so we need to use what he have at hand." She cut him off still intrigued and studying him with her dark eyes and her little content smirk. Castiel nodded averting his blue tired eyes. "Can I ask you something, feathers?" She asked curiously. The angel looked at her by the corner of his eyes and nodded once with his usual serious expression. "What the hell is going on with your healing thing? Your vessel isn't exactly in his best. You aren't healing as quick as you should and you look like crap."

Castiel didn't answer and just averted his eyes to the ground. He was sitting down against the tree's trunk for support and his legs were sprawled on the dusty floor. He seemed terribly tired and troubled. Meg rolled her eyes annoyed. She motioned to get up and turned her face ignoring him.

"Well, if you want me to play this game, Clarence, I think I deserve some explanations. I have been a good demon taking care of you. I think I deserve to know how screwed up we are."

She said indifferently and pushed herself up to get up and to shrug off his crazy idea. She wasn't too willing to do it if it was a disadvantage for them even if the idea of carving that delicious pale skin of him made her squeal in pleasure and joy. Castiel stared at her in silence desperately and caught her by her wrist stopping her motions. She turned to face him cocking her eyebrows questionably with her little smirk of satisfaction displayed all over her lips. He had to be really worried about this if he was going to plead. His brow was furrowed.

"I won't carve you dear, until you don't go cooperative with me. I think I had proven that I deserve it after that stupid demon screwed me."

Meg said frankly glaring at him seriously. Castiel sighed deeply and nodded once looking down. The demon contained her glee and interested sat down back by his side this time, closely to his vessel.

"I've…" He started still looking down with that husky sexy voice of him that made Meg to think in tying him to a bed and do dirty things causing that voice to beg to her. "I've been using the major part of my grace to block myself."

He simply stated. Meg nodded and waited impatiently for him to continue. After minutes of his silence and when she was ready to coax him to go on, the angel started talking again.

"As you could see back at the car… my grace and the power I have could turn very destructive if I lost control over it and with my… current situation, I've been afraid that I could cause more damage to the people around me or to the environment." Meg listened to his words thoughtful and intrigued. "I knew it was a risk when I decided to shift Sam's madness to me but I didn't care at the moment and I knew I would have to do something about it. A crazy angel could be dangerous. I know that. So since I have this thing inside my head, little by little I've been trying to find a way to overcome it and a way to stop myself in case I lose my grip on my grace and in whom I am."

Castiel paused briefly still not facing the demon.

"Then I started to use my grace to block my powers granted for what I am and to use it as a shield to help me to cope with the madness within my mind."

He balled his fists in a very weak way. Meg looked at his gesture with serious and attentive eyes before staring back at his face. She started to understand.

"So, that's why your healing thing isn't working properly." He nodded once without looking up at her. "What about the other abilities of yours, Clarence? How much of your power is still working at all?"

"My abilities, the ones I have as an angel, are still there, because that's what I am but they're contained by my will so that weakens them. Ones are more affected than others. It's a prize to pay if I want to use my grace like chains to help me to control myself."

Meg nodded silently thinking. So he was afraid that with Lucifer and the other shit rolling deep within his contaminated mind he could possibly use his juice and do a lot of damage and hurt humans. Sam Winchester was just a human when he wasn't drinking demon blood and that he hadn't done in a long time ago, so it wasn't an issue to him. But Castiel was an active angel even after falling so hard in his mad way to obtain power. So it was understandable for her that the angel being such a martyr, didn't want to destroy again whether it was human life or a little part of the planet itself. Listening to him Meg couldn't help to remember that he was a lot stronger and more powerful than she. That made her shudder in uneasiness and forced her to watch at him at least for a tiny moment with respect and fear. But she shrugged it off. Now that wasn't important. But what he'd been telling her, she could grab another reason for him to be doing this to himself.

"You're not only doing it to avoid my boss to use you in those hallucinations you have to cause some funny destruction." He stiffened but didn't say anything. She smirked. "You said that you were trying to use this blocking yourself thing to cope with the havoc inside your nerdy head. Tell me something, Clarence, that's why you were all catatonic at the mental institution, right? Your silence and stillness, all that crap you pulled off."

"Yes." He simply said after a brief tense silence between both. "It was hard at first." She remembered the first days at the nuthouse when the angel had been acting so aggressively and crazy. "It was difficult to find a way to wrap my mind with my grace, as a way to put it for you to understand." She snorted angered. _I understand better than you think, choir boy. _"But then I sort of got it and I started to use it to cut myself off from the world around me till I could master it."

Castiel sighed deeply and Meg watched him reminiscing in the last days and nights he had spent locked at that room.

"It's hard to explain but I guess it's all spiritual and mental. I tried to see it that way. My silence and my stillness help me when I'm losing control over my invented cage. The cage I had locked that part of my mind that I cannot control because of" He trailed off and shook his head slowly. "Anyway, lately I've been improving."

"That's why you started to talk and to act like a living thing instead of a pretty china doll." Meg chimed in sort of impressed by his confession but hiding it behind her common confident smirk and observant eyes. She knew that the angel had been trying in his silent and suffering way to survive the madness he got out from Sam Winchester's mind but she didn't know how far he was capable to go do it and not causing any harm to anyone anymore, keeping everything to his self loathing and guilty self. Because she suspected that this was all about. Not that she cared a rat's ass. "Am I right?"

Castiel nodded again once. The demon cocked her eyebrows and averted her eyes for a minute getting an idea of everything he was trying to explain. She looked back at him when he seemed ready to talk.

"It's not that it had disappeared." Meg knew what he was talking about. _Lucifer_. And whatever other shit he saw and listened to in his hallucinations. "It's still there but I try."

The demon remembered him talking to someone that seemed _friendly_. The angel had said that he was going to do it because he had told Dean Winchester that he was going to be fine. _Dammit, feathers. You're really it, right? You still want to keep the promises you do to them._ She wondered if Castiel was trying to get better in the best way he could due to his circumstances to finally do something probably stupid to help out Dean and Sam. It wouldn't surprise her. He surely felt guilty for everything and she knew he was, so it was logic to think that the fallen angel wanted to lend a hand to the hunters somehow. But Meg doubted that he could do something useful. Castiel was too way damaged and had a lot of crappy things to deal with his issues to try to help someone else.

"Sometimes my mind backfired on me. Sometimes I'm my worst enemy."

The angel confessed suddenly and by his distant and ashamed expression, Meg kind of understood what he was implying to. She sighed faking confusion and like if she was thinking hardly in something.

"You mean when you act like a neurotic lunatic crazy man? Or when you were sick with that fever that ruined my night? Or probably when you had that pretty seizure? Maybe you're talking about what happened moments ago back at the car."

The angel looked at her for a short moment by the corner of his intense unblinking blue eyes with his common façade of seriousness, so Castiel, and then looked down frowning.

"Yes. Something like that." He started sighing deeply. "Those moments… I couldn't… I don't know what…" He stopped like if he was trying to put into words something he couldn't explain not even to him. Meg stared at him serious and intrigued. "I'm not totally myself sometimes."

He finally just said like if that could explain whatever was going on within himself. Meg snorted amused. She just could imagine what he had meant with _sometimes my mind backfired on me_ and _sometimes I'm my worst enemy_. She thought that probably he was referring to his own personal issues that run along with the ones he had saved Sam Winchester from, and that entire crap messed with him in a very entertaining way just because it tortured him and she couldn't help to feel truthful glee when she thought in it. And the angel surely hated himself so much for everything that he had done in his alliance to Crowley and the most important thing he surely regretted more was the way he had hurt, betrayed and disappointed the Winchesters boys. But still she was confused and interested in understanding why those moments she had pointed out so amusedly happened, to affect Castiel physically in such a drastic way. She only could imagine him fighting a battle each moment of day and night, and some battles he won but others he lost. Meg wondered if he remembered that he had let out his wings once and she touched them. She couldn't deny that she had enjoyed that in her own way just like she enjoyed now having him talking a lot more than before.

"So, basically you're using your grace to keep tabs on your crazy nerdy mind. Isn't a little dangerous to begin with, sugar?"

"My power comes from what I am, from my grace, but the control of its use comes from my mind basically, but sometimes other things overpower the mind."

"You're talking about _emotions and feelings _and those cheesy things?" She asked mockingly and making a face of disgust. Castiel didn't say anything but his quietness was the answer the demon was waiting from someone like him. "And when you go into china doll mode again, it's because you're getting weaker in keeping yourself controlled?"

"Yes. It's a way I use to fight for control again. And sometimes it's a way to find some peace."

Peace. Meg narrowed her eyes. _Of course. You don't try to stay outside your world but you're gaining control inside it._ She chuckled. _But I really doubt that you can call it "peace", fluffy wings_.

"And when you're _not yourself sometimes_, it's because you're losing your battle inside there?"

She motioned to his head with her amused face and the angel just nodded knowing perfectly what she meant even if he wasn't facing her. It was on those moments when Castiel couldn't take it anymore, she guessed, when his mind was torturing him so much that the angel within that vessel, and the vessel itself, suffered the consequences. They remained silent for a while, Meg pondering about his words and Castiel looking up to the sky staring at it melancholic. The demon watched him frowning with a little smile. _Awww… you miss home, pretty angel baby._

"So if you're asking me to carve this thing in your chest, it means that you're not capable like before to control it." Meg firmly said leaning over him. She needed to know if he was going to tell her the truth. Her life was in the verge of ending here if she didn't take care of herself. "Is that right?"

"It will be easier for me… I can go on without it but I don't want it to go as far as it almost was back at the car." He finally looked down facing her with piercing eyes. "It's a way to prevent something worse."

It was time to Meg to nod once. She thought about it as she studied the sigil drawn in the paper on her hands. She didn't want other episode of the angel going into white light mode close to her. She still felt that what it could do to their protection but considering the way the things were, it seemed the best to do. Besides, Castiel had assured her that he was capable of reaching out his angelic juice if it was needed. She didn't trust completely in that, she wouldn't ever trust totally in an angel being who she was, but for once she accepted it. And the possibility of carving that skin of him made her shiver in anticipated pleasure.

"Fine. Then let's do it." She grinned widely with wicked expression and he nodded looking troubled but decisive. Meg took his face in her hands and her thumbs caressed the skin of his cheeks. Her half lidded eyes stared at him straightly and her red lips curved into a sly grin. "I'll try to be gentle, Clarence."

He nodded weakly once as Meg watched him closely. She wondered how he looked without shaving and sporting the stubble growing and how a good smile could look in that stoic and serious face of him, sometimes blank, and sometimes ignorant. When she noticed that both were quiet and some minutes had gone by and both were staring at the other, she shook his head inwardly and forced her hands to let him go. The angel kept staring at her like if he believed she wasn't going to keep her word. When he didn't blink frequently like normal humans did, it was creepy and it made her felt weird. _That was strange_. She averted her eyes indifferently looking at the drawing again.

"Do you have an idea of how to make it last against your angelic skin?"

"Even with my suppressed possession over this vessel if an occasion comes when I had to access to my grace, it will affect it. So, I think the best way to do it it's for carving it with some of your blood in the knife you're going to use."

Meg turned quickly to him not really believing his words. She looked at him surprised and then smirked amused by the idea and thinking that probably he was lying or hallucinating again. But Castiel was staring at her quiet and decisive with a frown in his face. He was serious about it.

"Are you kidding me, Clarence?"

_That's going to be so freaking good._ Some naughty things came to her head but she dismissed them.

"No. Why would I be _kidding _you?"

She laughed softly at his confused expression and tilted head. Oh, how she had missed this.

"How can my precious blood help this sigil to be carved in your angelic skin?"

She asked intrigued and looking already for her special knife within the pocket of her jacket. She didn't want to be away from it and now more than ever in her current situation.

"You're a demon." He specified as a matter of fact like if she was a child. Meg narrowed her eyes at him angrily but didn't say anything. "The blood in your vessel is corrupted. I'm an angel, it will affect me in some way and in the meanwhile it will keep the sigil from healing totally while your blood contaminates me."

_Contaminates you. Nice, Clarence. Now I'm pollution. _But she guessed his theory was kind of logical.

"I guess that someday not far away the carved sigil on your angelic skin will completely heal when my _contaminated blood _somehow dilutes. Then, what love?"

"You'll carve it again."

He simply stated still looking so sure about it. _Well, I don't mind that either. Carving you… it's close to what I would really want to do to you, Clarence_. She looked suspiciously at the angel.

"What do you mean with _"it will affect me in some way"_? Do you really know what you're asking and what you want to do? Or is just a theory you want to prove and don't know how the hell is going to turn up but you want to try it because you're a damn martyr?"

Castiel blinked once under the critical eyes of the demon with stoic pale face and eyes surrounded by dark rings under them and lavender painting his eyelids.

"I think it can work."

"Hmmm." She mused watching him closely with narrowed intense eyes. Something in her gut tell her that the angel was somehow not entirely sincere but she knew that knowing what kind of stubborn pain in the ass he could be, and because she really was now into this, she couldn't refuse. "Alright."

She smirked calmly and hooking his chest surprising him she coaxed him to lie down on the dusty ground under the big old leafy tree. The angel understanding her actions relaxed a little on her embrace and followed her motions. Meg started to whistle the lullaby she had sung to Castiel back at the nuthouse as her red lips were permanently curled up in a happy grin and her eyes shone with delight and anticipation of glee. Putting the hands on the angel to hurt him, even if it wasn't specifically a torture but more like a deal, it filled her with dark joy and naughty pleasure. She pulled out the knife she was carrying now with her for protection while she looked distractedly at the angel lying there motionless and staring up with absent and tired eyes blinking in a normal motion. Somehow she didn't like that.

The demon cut her left wrist letting the blood to drop in the blade of the knife. She watched fascinated the scene for a little moment finding somehow at the same time disgust, pain and pleasure in cutting herself. Now that she was screwed, her meat suit felt human enough for her to feel the difference. When she was demon and she had been tortured under Crowley's orders, it had felt somehow wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Now humming the lullaby she soaked the blade of the knife with her blood. She had cut her wrist in a way to prevent her from bleeding a lot but for the use she was going to do of it, it was ok. She approached the resting angel and holding the bloody knife in her left hand she unzipped his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt first. Meg felt the uneasiness of the angel when she was doing it and felt his vessel stiffening. She couldn't help to grin wryly and content. His face was stoic and just his eyes reacted growing or relaxing depending her actions on him. When the shirt was unbuttoned she took the edge of his undershirt and pulled it upwards exposing his heaving chest. Meg smiled. Even when the angel's vessel was thinner it still looked hot in his vulnerability and fragility. She watched the movement of his breathing with hypnotizing eyes desiring to run her nails along his chest and scratching at the pale skin crawling her way into his destroying light. But she just chuckled and resumed to the job at hand. He jumped slightly when he felt her fingers in contact with his skin but controlled his vessel immediately. Soon he was stiff and still again and he kept his eyes glued to the sky he could see through the branches of the tall tree. Meg put her attention into it keeping her dirty thoughts at bay and looking serious at the chest of the angel with just a little lopsided smirk on her face. She rested her right palm on top of his chest, precisely where he had asked her to carve the sigil. His heartbeat increased momentarily but she shushed it like if she was shushing to the meat suit's heart instead of the angel. She held the knife tightly on her right hand and with eyes opened in delight put the end of the knife against the pale skin. And before she started her job, she changed her humming of the song to the one Chase had sung to the angel the last night they both were at the mental institution, and soon she felt her own lips muttering the words as she run the knife's blade on the angel's skin like if she was painting a beautiful picture.

* * *

><p>The whole thing lasted a short time for Meg. As an expert torturer from hell she was used to more time in carving skins and human souls, but now it was all about a single drawing being carved into the skin and flesh of an angel's vessel. She had taken her time in carving the sigil on Castiel's chest and she had to admit it, she had taken even a little more time just because she missed the feeling of satisfaction it brought to her doing something akin to that. The demon hadn't asked Castiel if he wanted something to endure the pain, she had brought his drugs and had even stole some from the nuthouse, and the angel didn't ask anything either. Rolling her eyes while she cleaned her knife coloring in red with her own blood and his mixed, she guessed that Castiel being the angel he was had wanted it the hard way. Probably he wanted so badly to feel pain in retribution of all the evil he had done months ago. <em>Such a self loathing little angel<em>. She was tempted to lick the mixed blood from her knife but dismissed the idea not really knowing if it could cause her something bad. She didn't have a clue now. She glanced back at the angel who was now sitting again against the tree's trunk slumping and recovering from the ordeal. She had to give him credit from not screaming like a little girl when she was carving so _professionally _the sigil on his flesh. He screamed, of course, but he had tried very hard to keep himself from doing it more than the necessary and had shut his mouth and eyes tightly sometimes groaning lowly with his jaw clenching and his face almost a total blank except for the way he frowned when the pain was too much to handle to act like a mannequin. His vessel had stiffened harder and had trembled a little. His hands had balled and clutched following the rhythm of the searing pain cursing his skin. But she had to admit he had behaved like a _man _and that made her grin amused even when a part of her had wanted to see him writhing in excruciating pain and screaming loudly. Maybe in other occasion, she told herself hoping.

She had carved the sigil profoundly in purpose, wanting it to work properly and of course, enjoying the way the blade sunk in his flesh and opened it, the sound it made, watching enchanted his blood running and mixing with hers. After the sigil was done and she observed her perfect job, she had used the first aid kit to keep him from bleeding to death and had attended his injured chest immediately but not really wanted it to heal fast. They both needed it to the sigil to last the most possible time. She wrapped his chest tightly in bandages and dressed him up with clean clothes. She had attended her own wrist and then after leaving Castiel lying and catching his breath silent, recovering the normal color of his skin, she sat him down against the tree while she gathered the things they had used and put them inside their bags. After her knife was totally clean, she sighed still feeling tired and noticing that it was afternoon and soon the night was coming to fall. She went to the angel and helped him to stand up and put the strap of the bags on each one on her shoulders as her purse. She didn't dare to force him to carry his in his current condition and she was strong enough to be able to drag him while carrying them. She urged him to walk and come back to the road to see if some car passed by and they could get some _friendly _help. She avoided the spot where the crashed car was and tried to get away from it the most they could. Castiel was walking almost on his own but he still swayed a little and dragged his feet on the ground. She hooked her arm around his waist softly noticing how he winced painfully if he touched him stronger. She laughed inwardly. She had done it perfect, it seemed.

They walked in silence for maybe two hours till she noticed that he couldn't go further. He was visibly exhausted and aching and his vessel started to limp. She frowned knowing that she couldn't really force him to walk more even when she didn't like to not go another hour towards the nearest town. They were by the side of the road and she helped him to sit down again against a tree that wasn't as tall or old and she huffing annoyed and bored sat down beside him feeling tired too. Way too tired for her liking. She hated it. She wondered if some car would ever pass by.

"Thank you."

Castiel suddenly said in low voice looking at the road absently. Meg looked at him cocking her eyes in disbelief at first. Then she grinned and snorted amused.

"You're welcome, Clarence. Whenever you want it."

She stared at him better and noticed his blue eyes glistening and his breathing becoming a little too elaborate. He was very faintly shivering and looked paler than before. She furrowed her brow confused and rested a hand against his cheek and then his forehead. She hissed angrily. He had a slight fever. Probably she guessed, due to her blood infecting the cuts drawing the sigil on his chest.

"You're feverish, darling."

She stated with voice filling with annoyance and anger directed to him. Meg didn't want to deal with him in such conditions. She hadn't really thought a lot about the consequences of mixing her blood with his so she couldn't really be totally angry at him when she had accepted to do it. But anyway, she couldn't help to be a little mad with the angel. Castiel nodded once as she pulled her hand away from his face. His eyes looked guilty for a little moment.

"It's alright. I guess is normal. I don't feel totally unwell."

She snorted sarcastically. _Sure, but I'm the one who has to carry you, dear. _She decided then to ignore his slight fever. If he was content with it, so be it. She wasn't going to treat it giving him some drug if he didn't ask it.

"I wonder if Deano and Sammy know now that we're gone from the nuthouse."

She mused staring at the road and hoping that someone passed by soon. She didn't want to stay there with a sick angel. Castiel didn't say anything. She kept an eye on him in case he got worse by looking at him askance distractedly. She needed to call those two soon if she didn't want them to hunt her and smite her before explaining herself. She sighed really wanting to be in a motel right now. It had been a long day. The demon noticed the angel's vessel shivering more frequently than moments ago and placed a hand on his forehead again. His fever was lessening. Then she guessed that he was colder due to the wind increasing now that the evening was coming. Bothered by the angel's shivering and the way he shrank into himself trying to get warm, folding his arms softly over his hurt chest, she wrapped an arm carefully around his waist again and leaned over him. She hugged him with her other arm. He tilted his head till it was rested against the top of hers. They remained quiet while the demon wondered if they were going to stay there and freeze. Did no one use this road anymore? _This happens when you choose to drive on roads that normal people won't use anymore._ She felt the cold air but she could endure it perfectly. She tried to remember if she had packed more jackets or warm clothes, but in fact she hadn't really got them both a lot of clothes. She had preferred to travel light. Maybe if she clothed the angel more and herself, they would be able to walk to the nearest town. She decided this as both kept staring at the road in comfortable silence.

"I feel better." Castiel cut in her quiet pondering. He lifted his head and she looked up. "I think that we can start walking again. It's not safe and good to be out in the open."

She sighed and nodded rolling her eyes. _That's obvious, love_. She pulled her arms away from him but noticed that he was still shivering. She chuckled angrily watching his face and the way his skin and his lips were slightly pale. She remembered that he had lost some amount of blood so probably that was it. She didn't know why but it bothered _greatly _that the angel used his _I'm fine _to try to fool her.

"Are you, Clarence?"

She questioned smirking at him and touching his lips with the thumb of her hand. He flinched a little surprised by her move and stiffened frowning at the demon confused. Her thumb caressed his lips noticing their coldness. She rolled her eyes amused by his ignorance.

"Your lips honey. They haven't turned blue yet but they aren't warm either."

He blinked at her still wearing that frown not longer confused but uneasy. He tilted his head and Meg snickered playfully leaning closer to his face and lowering her hand, sliding it from his neck to his arm softly till it landed on his hand.

"Let me help you to warm them, feathers."

She said in low and darkly sweet voice and staring straight at his blue stoic eyes and questioning confused face she winked at him naughty and smiled. Her lips closed on his and she started kissing them softly and sensually. She felt the angel getting stiffer if that was possible and he didn't kiss her back, being caught off guard by her actions. Her hand on top of his caressed it as she pressed harder on his lips trying to break their seal but Castiel resisted her urge to kiss him more passionately and try to pull away from Meg. The demon smiled against his mouth feeling equally angered and pleased. _If it was going to be so easy it wouldn't be worthy at the end, I guess_. So she jerked away from him and licking her lips looked laughing entertained with Castiel's disheveled appearance and his shocked expression. His lips didn't look pale anymore.

"There you have it, cloud hopper." She pointed looking at his mouth still laughing amused and grinning satisfied. "Your lips aren't cold anymore."

The angel didn't say anything and just narrowed slightly his piercing serious eyes. His lips parted. _Finally. Bad luck it didn't happen seconds ago_. Meg shrugged faking innocence. She saw him relaxing.

"I don't have to only warm your lips, honey." She said indifferently watching him with malice. "I can do a lot more… and not only with my lips."

She stared at him from head to top. Watching him blinking confused and furrowing his brow and then somehow realizing what she meant, he averted his eyes and his face looked ashamed and bothered. Meg laughed weakly.

"Come on, sweetheart." She chimed in patting him on the shoulder. "I'm kidding. I promised to you that I won't do anything at all. This wasn't exactly a kiss; I was trying to save your lips from getting frozen."

He didn't say anything but kept staring still upset at the road with stoic façade. Meg chuckled amused. If he pouted then she was going to force her lips on him again. She stared at the road again bored already still smirking happily. By the corner of her eyes she saw him lifting a hand and reaching out at his lips touching them with intrigued expression. When he noticed that she was observing him askance, he dropped his hand and turned his face away from her. Meg sniggered and had to bite her tongue to stop herself from mocking him openly. She didn't need a cranky angel right now. Deciding that he was right, both started to walk again. This time he didn't seem to need her help and both walked side by side on their own, carrying their own bag. Meg was attentive at Castiel waiting if he couldn't do it by himself. She knew that he was angry by her last scheme and this posture of _I'm fine _he was showing to her it was his childish way to throw a tantrum. She knew that he wasn't at his best by the way he winced, clenched his jaw and bite his lips to not start complaining in pain. Really enjoying this, Meg cleared her throat.

"Can I ask you something, Clarence?"

He didn't answer but Meg sniggered and walked closer to him at the same rhythm. He wasn't walking fast and she could see he was doing a great effort to keep walking.

"Why are you so…?" She trailed off and looking up like if she was trying to find the perfect word. The angel looked at her by the corner of his blue eyes totally stoic. "Why are you so ignorant and oblivious to certain and let me say it, important things?"

"What do you mean?"

He asked confused and she looked at him by the corner of her dark eyes with content expression. She had gotten him interested.

"I mean certain things. Like kissing. Pop culture references. Sassy, ironic and sarcastic comments. Dirty talking. Having sex." She shrugged indifferently and enjoying the way he looked at her bewildered. "I mean, well, you don't have to know everything about it, I don't know all the pop culture reference humans do, but I don't know. And I don't know if I can call you… ignorant or oblivious. Innocent sometimes. But you get it, right? Probably scared."

She stared at him intrigued and not willing to let him out of this. Inwardly she was having so much fun. Castiel looked at the front frowning like if he was thinking in what to say.

"You don't have to answer. I _like _you the way you are."

She said mockingly and with sarcasm. But she really wanted to hear it.

"I know… certain things about the ones you mentioned. Like sex."

"But you _hadn't _practiced it."

"That doesn't mean I don't know the… facts about it." He cut her off with his cheeks reddened in anger and shame causing Meg to cock her eyebrows at him between awe and amuse. "Other things I understand them barely but it wasn't ever my intention to really get into human communication in that way."

"Before you saved old good Deano from hell, you were even more… weird. So I heard. I thought that you angels watched humans from your puffy clouds, so I guessed you knew some things of how to behave more like them and understand their good stuff."

Castiel eyed her critically and she shrugged him off chuckling.

"Angels aren't into the same in heaven. Depends of what kind of angel you are. There are some that are more close to humankind and Earth than others. I wasn't." He paused briefly. "I had other tasks to perform and I didn't _look down _as frequently as others angels did."

Meg nodded really interested in his speech. For what she could understand, Castiel was locked away doing other things than watching humans having fun from above. That explained why he was so _oblivious, ignorant _and even _innocent _in some ways. It was amazing and surprising for her, in a weird way that he was still somehow a little like that after all the time he had spent on Earth lately.

"That why I was chosen to save Dean from hell." He added with serious voice. Meg looked at him questionably. "I was in the line of the chosen ones to raise him from perdition because I was…"

He trailed off and by the way he was fighting to find the perfect word and looked ashamed knitting his eyebrows, Meg knew what he meant and chuckled.

"You were… _pure as snow than other angels?_" She asked comically trying to suppress her urge to burst into loud laughs. He stared at her obviously angry and ashamed. "You mean that?"

"If you put it that way." He said with dangerous tone of voice but she didn't back out and smiled at him shamelessly. "My nearness to humans were equally to zero and that meant that it was going to be easy for someone like me to get down to hell and retrieve Dean's soul and put it back into his live body."

He explained still with voice warning her to stop mocking him. But she was who she was after all. And she chuckled watching him intensely like if he was under a new light and she was dazzled. He didn't like that at all and he frowned deeper in obvious discomfort, if she could call it like that the way now he was glaring at her.

"So, Deano needed to be saved by an angel who was one of the _cleanest_." She used that word noticing that he didn't like her first words when she referred to him. He narrowed his eyes glaring at her still. "I get it, Clarence."

She said patting his arm jokingly. He looked at her hand with eyes that could set it in flames. Meg chuckled having fun and didn't pull away even when he stiffened under her touch.

"To enter hell and obtain success in those particular circumstances, I was needed. I was chosen because I wasn't _tainted _with other things brought by the observance of angels upon humans."

She really got it now. Castiel was perfect for the job then, to enter hell they needed angels who were at their purest state to not be so easily broken or smitten in the hell by the demons down there. It seemed that Castiel's superiors thought that it was safer for the angel to be cloaked in the _whiteness _of their _grace_ and little knowledge of humankind. Somehow that equaled in her mind to _ignorance is bliss _and a mentality of robots. But why would she care? She guessed it was time to stop messing around with the angel and she stopped patting his arm.

"But now…" Castiel continued talking and Meg didn't know if he was talking to himself or to her. "After absorbing souls from hell and purgatory…"

Meg cocked her eyebrows confused and intrigued. She had heard that Crowley had _lent _Castiel a lot of souls from hell to defeat Raphael but she wasn't sure if the _good old Castiel _was desperate enough to accept that deal. Now she knew better.

"I suppose I'm not longer at the purest or cleanest. I'm tainted. And having human souls within me… it didn't help me either to improve my knowledge of things about them. Not good, not the kind you seem to like, like Dean."

He paused briefly stopping and Meg stopped like him by his side staring at him serious.

"It only remains the bad."

He looked down looking lost in thought and Meg walked in front of him.

"Well, Clarence, I must say that I kind of like that you kept some of the old good Castiel."

She said grinning coquettish but totally honest and that felt weird when it was directed to the angel.

"I don't care your ignorance, oblivion or innocence. That's who you are."

She winked mischievous at him and the angel looked at her confused but somehow grateful too. They heard then a car coming along the road and exchanged glances confused and wary. Before Meg could do something, the car stopped by their spot and through the window opened they saw a young woman with dark wavy hair and dark eyes staring at both with concern and kind expression.

"Hey, are you two ok?"

"Yeah, we lost our bus. You know, we were in an expedition."

Meg invented quickly shrugging and smiling calmly. The woman nodded and smiled.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"Sure. That would be nice, thank you."

The demon said with courtesy watching the woman parking the car and getting out from it. She looked at the angel grinning happily. She wasn't going to drive and soon they were going to be in the town. But she stopped grinning when she stared confused at the stunned face of the angel who was looking perplexed at the woman opening the trunk. Before she could ask him what happened, the woman approached both smiling. Meg studied her critically behind her kind façade. She didn't seem dangerous and she could swear she wasn't a demon.

"I'm glad I found you both. The town is still a little far to walk from here. My name is Lisa Braeden by the way. Nice to meet you."


	7. Dirty Little Secret

**Hello again :)**

**THANKS to the beautiful people who took time to read this fic and THANK YOU to the beautiful people who took time to review.**

**English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve.**

**Sorry for the delay in updating but I have some business to attend at college XD but I promise you to update sooner. I'm following what's going on with the TV Show and I'm thinking how to relate the story with it trying to keep it canon as close as possible :).**

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**To the pretty people who reviewed, here it is:**

**Sunset Rise: Welcome :) and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind review :)! I'm very glad that you like it and I hope to keep you along the ride till this ends ;) Thanks for saying I'm improving! And you're the second person who says that about the reviews! Thanks :D**

**GrimmmRep: Welcome :) and thank you for your review :)! I'm sorry for the delay, I had some things about going to a convention organized by my college, but I promise I'll update sooner ;) thank you for loving it!**

**Lilitop: Hey :) :)! Yeah, Lisa is back for a very short moment ;) just there to mess a little with our beloved fallen angel ;) XD**

**LizaRedilion: Welcome :) and thank you for your review :)! Thank you for liking my writing even when I would love to do it better! Thank you for saying that about the story and I hope to see you around till it ends :)!**

**Canis: Hey :) :)! Thank you for saying that about the chapter! I like it too, of course, in a story there are always some chapters you do love more than others ;) Thank you for your kind words! :D**

**E: I'm glad you never saw that coming! And I hope to surprise you again ;) because maybe I don't know what you're all thinking about Lisa doing here, I love Megstiel too :D and I wish like you that it was more popular than it is. Don't get me wrong, I read and like Destiel too but I simply love Megstiel :D! Well, let's see what you think :)!**

**Movie Writer: Welcome :) and thank you for your kind review :)! Thank you for being intrigued about it ;) I must say that this story has its point but the most important thing is that one you mentioned, Castiel and Meg's relationship, I don't want it to be so easy or expected ;) Thank you for saying that about this :D!**

**I hope you enjoy this one ;)**

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**See you later, boys and girls.**

**Chapter Seven "Dirty Little Secret"**

"I'm Meg Masters." Meg said smiling at the woman trying to keep it normal even when she was intrigued by Castiel's reaction towards Lisa Braeden. She had chosen to give her real name; after all she had her documentation ready with that name when she was forced to have one to join the mental institution as a nurse. She prepared the same to the angel called now _Adam Campbell_. Castiel was such an unusual name compared to hers, well, the _one she was using now_. Meg shook the woman's outstretched hand with courtesy and with a little calm smile. "Nice to meet you too, Lisa. He's Adam Campbell."

Meg gestured at Castiel and Lisa nodded at him with a little smile. The angel nodded back but didn't look her at the face and kept staring absently at the road.

"Come on, you can put these in there."

She motioned to the bags Castiel and Meg had hanging from their shoulders. The demon nodded and taking the one from the angel's possession, not ignoring his weird quietness and not more shocked expression, she followed Lisa to the back of her car. The woman was kind enough to help her with the angel's bag. She seemed interested in the silent presence of the angel and shot some confused glances at him but Meg guessed that she was polite enough to not mention anything. The demon couldn't agree more with her confusing looks directed to the angel's frame. This one was still and his face was blank. But Meg knew better now after spending some time with him and she could see in his blue tired eyes a spark of sadness mixed with guilt and shame. And there was something about the stiffness he was sporting as he stood there watching them discreetly lost in thought. That stiffness told the demon that he wasn't comfortable with the situation.

"Where are you going, anyway?"

The woman named Lisa asked casually. Meg was helping her to put their duffle bags on the trunk of her car but her eyes kept glancing back at the angel hiding her confusion. Castiel fixed with her his strange look for a little moment but he quickly averted his eyes to the ground and the road in a very odd way. _You really don't know how to act normal, do you Clarence?_

"We're in our way to the next town."

Meg answered while she kept her purse hanging from her shoulder and Lisa closed the trunk nodding.

"I can take you there. What a coincidence. I have some business to attend for a couple of days in the other town." The woman explained but Meg could see her uneasiness towards the angel who was acting very strange for any normal human. She sighed exasperated and got closer to Lisa who frowned confused. "Listen" Meg began in lower voice and with false concerned expression. She needed to ease the woman if she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and Castiel wasn't going to ruin it with his _normal_ awkwardness. "My friend had a very bad time months ago. He suffered an accident and he's still recovering. I'm traveling with him because I thought it would do him good, you know. But please, don't be wary or afraid, we're not dangerous."

Meg had to control herself to not snort and laugh ironically at her last sentence and had a hard time keeping her face looking worried and sincere. Both women glanced back discreetly at the angel. Lisa nodded once still with furrowed brow but now the demon noticed that her wariness and confusion were changed to understanding and empathy.

"Alright, then let's go. The sun will set soon and I really want to eat something."

She said totally relaxed and Meg smiled just out of courtesy. She went to Castiel and took him by his arm leading him to the car. It was so funny how he seemed reluctant to get in it and his vessel was tense and rigid. Meg couldn't help to want to know what happened with him and this woman and she was highly curious about it. Lisa opened the door of the back seat for them and smiled at the angel when he and Meg came over. Castiel hadn't locked eyes with the woman till now and Meg noticed that after staring at him closely and at the eye, Lisa seemed calmer and even her dark eyes softened. She didn't know how or why Castiel used to have this _strange _effect in some people, probably it was because he was an angel, she guessed. She wondered intrigued what these people saw in Castiel when he _unleashed_ his angelic nature, with his consent or not. Maybe it was just his handsome face.

"Let's go."

Lisa rounded the car and climbed into it on the driver's seat waiting for them. Meg coaxed Castiel to get into the car and almost thought in kicking him but this one grabbed her wrist tightly and stared at her with anxious eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?

Meg asked in low voice staring at him angry and confused. She didn't like the way he was grabbing her. Castiel didn't understand that, of course, and frowning seemed to think in what to say.

"This is not a good idea."

"I don't care." Meg shot back crankily after releasing herself from the angel's strong grip. She was tired and exasperated and simply pissed off. She glared at the angel with a little defiant smirk. "Do you have a good explanation of why you're behaving like a scumbag?"

The angel opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think it better and shut it immediately. He shook his head and turned his face still looking exasperated and mindful away from Meg. _Oh you're such a liar, feathers. But somehow I'll know what the fuck is going on with you._ She pushed brusquely Castiel into the car noticing if Lisa wasn't watching them but she was polite enough again to pretend being interested looking for something inside her purse. Meg got into the car after Castiel and Lisa started it and soon they were on the road again. Lisa turned on the radio in a low volume. Meg didn't dare to say something; if the woman didn't want to talk it was her choice, even when the demon was dying inwardly due to her curiosity about the whole situation with Castiel and this human. Some theories, and some of them dirty and naughty, started to unravel within Meg's mind and made her smirk inwardly. After a moment of comfortable silence, Meg felt Castiel's weight resting against her. They had been sitting down closely and their meat suits' shoulders touched but now it seemed that he was totally rested against her. She looked askance at him with disgust and curiosity and then she felt when the angel's head was rested on her shoulder. Meg noticed that Castiel didn't do it in purpose, he was falling into dreamland and she couldn't blame him after the long and interesting day they both had. His blue half lidded eyes were glazed and distracted. He didn't want to sleep. The demon chuckled inwardly and looked at him with mockery. That was so characteristic of the fallen little angel. When she turned to stare at the front she met Lisa's gaze through the rearview mirror.

"I think he's sleepy." Lisa said calmly. Meg nodded sighing deeply. She was feeling so tired right now and she could only guess how it was worse for Castiel. "Don't worry; we'll be there pretty soon."

"I hope so."

Meg just said honestly and with a little polite grin and Lisa chuckled agreeing with her. Meg wondered inwardly what possibly could be the link between this woman and the angel. She didn't recognize him but she was sure as hell that Castiel did so.

"You must be very good friends."

"Hn?"

Meg furrowed her brow staring at Lisa looking back at her through the rearview mirror and keeping her attention at the road at the same time. She wasn't being noisy or something like that, Meg could see it. She was only stating something Meg started and she was acting simply nice. Lisa gestured to Castiel with a soft smile and Meg after watching her through the reflection of the mirror looked by the corner of her eyes at the now sleeping angel rested on her. She looked back at the mirror with a little concealed sarcastic smirk. _Yeah, sure, we are very good friends…_

"Well, you could say that. We met a long time ago… and we've been together since weeks ago."

_Well, it's sort of the truth. _She glanced back for a couple of minutes to the sleeping form of the angel and couldn't help to chuckle before looking at Lisa again. This one seemed to see her actions and her expression was softer and somehow nostalgic. Meg didn't understand it.

"I see." Lisa said nodding as she drove. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"When I saw you by the side of the road, I thought at first that you were a couple. You do look nice together."

She smiled and chuckled and Meg felt her shame for saying something that maybe she was going to take in the wrong way. But the demon just shrugged it off and chuckled back. She guessed it wasn't strange for people to see them as that when they were together traveling without anyone else. And Lisa was right, she considered her meat suit a _pretty delicious one _and Castiel had his own thing to attract ladies. She couldn't help to find the angel quite the good looking type; she especially was drawn to his blue baby eyes that spoke for himself even sometimes, frequently, against his will. But before she really voiced out her thoughts about him in that way, because one thing was to flirt with him and make him nervous with her dirty words and naughty actions, but another one was the fact that she really felt that about him in that vessel. She was pretty sure that the soul of the man who owned the meat suit wouldn't ever be as enigmatic as the angel was when he was wearing the human skin. Meg noticed Lisa's intrigued but polite look thrown to them through the reflection of the mirror. Meg knew that she had been silent since minutes ago. Somehow she felt strangely embarrassed like when a kid is caught with the hand on the cookie jar. _This is freaking awkward. _The demon snorted inwardly.

"Thanks for the compliment, but we're only… friends."

It was hard to Meg to say the word but it was the best description she could use for humans to explain their relationship. She smiled at the woman shrugging. Lisa nodded.

"Hey, why did you stop?"

Meg asked suddenly with true curiosity. It was weird for her that someone would pick up some strangers from a deserted road. She was a woman traveling alone.

"I don't know." It was Lisa's turn to shrug calmly. "I know that it could be dangerous, don't take me wrong but nowadays is kind of a risk to lift people on lonely roads. But when I was coming closer to you and I looked at your friend and then at you I knew that you weren't criminals or something like that." She chuckled. "So I took the risk. You really looked tired."

Meg nodded frowning interested. She looked askance at the sleeping angel. _Damn you, freaking bulb of light_. She smirked jokingly towards him. Maybe it wasn't all bad having the angel close if he was a lucky charm occasionally. The demon saw the town appearing on the horizon as the car run along the road and she sighed profoundly. They were going to rest after a very interesting day. When she remembered that she needed to call the Winchesters she couldn't help to hiss under her breath annoyed. But her security was first, of course. She felt Castiel shifting beside her and for the first time she realized the way her body liked the warmness of his meat suit close. Probably it was due to her screwed self, she thought dismissing anything else. She looked at him as the angel opened his eyes slowly after squeezing them, just like if was trying to get rid of some quiet nightmare. She kept staring at him curiously till the angel got used to his surroundings and his confused tired face changed to one of calmness and seriousness instead and he sat upright still leaning a little on her.

"Hey, sleeping beauty."

She simply said smirking playfully. Castiel locked his blue eyes with her dark ones for a minute with his blank expression and then looked at the front. His stare averted towards the woman driving. Meg noticed without doubt how his face looked distraught after being confused for merely seconds, like if he didn't remember that they had met the woman and now he suddenly remembered it. His eyebrows furrowed and the demon watched clearly the pain and guilt clothing his eyes. His body seemed to be so exhausted that he didn't stiff but Meg knew that if he could have done it, he would have. Lisa seemed to sense his stare on her and looked at him through the rearview mirror with a little polite smile. Castiel averted his eyes immediately and turned them to the window by his side hiding himself from Meg and Lisa's looks. Meg smiled apologetically to Lisa in her own way, her smiles couldn't ever be just like that, simple smiles, and they always had something of her common and more natural smirks. But for Lisa seemed to work just fine and she smiled and nodded pointing to the demon that she understood the angel's weirdness. Meg looked down and noticed that Castiel's hands were balled tightly. She cocked her eyebrows intrigued. This secrecy was _killing_ her.

"Are you married, Lisa?"

Meg asked just because she wanted that Castiel's awkward behavior gone. Whenever he crossed looks with the woman the atmosphere around turned freaking strange and the demon didn't like that, especially if she was oblivious of what link the angel had with Lisa Braeden, who didn't seem to know him at all. Had she met him and she couldn't remember? So she asked what common humans ask when they were chatting casually.

"No." Lisa shook her head with a little lopsided smile. "I've been dating some guys but I hadn't found the one."

She chuckled. Meg nodded just out of courtesy having half her stare and attention on the quiet and odd angel sitting beside her.

"I have a son."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Lisa chimed in and Meg noticed her face shining in that way some faces of some humans who had children do when they were talking about their brats. The demon noticed how the exchange of words between her and Lisa was upsetting Castiel. She saw it in the way his shoulders slumped like he wanted to melt into himself. She saw it in his face trying to stay in his usual seriousness. She saw it in his tight lips forming a line and in the way his eyes looked ashamed and saddened. She saw it in his tense eyebrows knitted together. _What the hell is going on here, feathers?_ "His name is Ben. He's now camping, school stuff."

"What does he think about you dating? Kids don't take it so easily always. Quite the opposite, I can say."

Meg chuckled and Lisa just snorted rolling her eyes.

"I know. Ben is a good boy, he gets it. He's always good with the men I date, but in fact I hadn't found the one." She paused thoughtful. "I don't know, call me crazy, but sometimes I think that maybe I had met the man of my dreams and somehow I let it go, or somehow I lost it and I"

Meg stared at her interested but realizing that the topic was hard for the woman. Lisa sighed tiredly and was silent for a little moment and her face said that she was reminiscing in the past, with something akin to melancholy.

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something important and I don't know how I relate it with love." She chuckled ashamed. "Most of times after dating and even when I'm happy and comfortable with the man I'm with, I know that there has to be someone else that would take this… feeling away. And then I wonder if I'm not crazy or just demanding so much. Most women will be happy with the kind of men I had dated." She paused briefly. "Sometimes I think that Ben feels the same but I guess I'm just seeing things because I cannot understand myself."

She shook her head and laughed a little. Meg nodded in comprehension while shooting casual stares towards the angel's direction. Now she was more than intrigued and perplexed by the way these woman's words were affecting Castiel. The angel's head hung heavily and his blue eyes were glued to his balled fists rested on his lap. The demon clearly saw the sadness mixed with guilt, shame and sorrow, and she only found a word to relate to the state the angel was. Misery. He was in such clear misery that it was pathetic to see. She wondered what the angel had done concerning Lisa Braeden to be expressing himself that bad.

"We're here." Lisa's happy voice broke her from her reverie and she turned smiling distracted at the human. "Where are you going exactly?"

"To the nearest motel you can find."

Meg answered still looking calm and polite. Lisa nodded and drove in silence. Meg sighed inwardly thankful for it. Then the woman said something about stopping at a gas station for a little moment and the demon didn't have other choice than accept it smiling. When they were there, Lisa got out of the car saying that she needed to buy some things and asked apologetically for them to wait. After Meg watched her getting away from their earshot she turned to the angel with furrowed brow and fierce eyes.

"What the hell is going on, Clarence? I demand an explanation, now."

She said deathly serious and scowling irritated. The angel didn't say anything and sat down in the same manner he had been doing the last minutes. She rolled her eyes pissed off and seething her teeth she took one of his wrists tightly just like he had done it with her lately.

"I won't ask again, feathers, and I can get answers in one way or another." She said threatening him with velvety vixen voice and narrowed cold eyes. "So, speak up, sweetheart."

Castiel didn't say anything and just his expression grimaced when he felt Meg tightening her grip on him. She snorted pestered but trying to look indifferent. "Then, maybe I should _ask_ Lisa Braeden about it. I can be very _persuasive_ when I want."

Meg knew what she meant when she said it even when she wasn't really into torturing someone when all she wanted was to lay on a bed and rest for a very long while. But she snickered malicious before she was taken aback and shocked when Castiel finally turned to face her and reacted. And he _reacted_. He looked at her shooting daggers and with expression filled with disgust directed at her. She could see that he was staring at her scornful, with that authority he held when she had met him years ago, with the power he had just being who he was even after his huge screw up. There was a fire of real anger towards her and he freed himself from her strong grip being the one now grabbing her tightly by her arms. The demon looked at him frowning intrigued and serious, watching him almost like if he was towering over herself when in fact and physically wasn't real and both were sitting on the backseat, but his posture and his gesture, that demand with contempt on the blue eyes, was having that effect in her stunned mind.

"Don't even dare to suggest it." He said with low and slow voice like if he was trying to make her understand, really understand, his words. There was menace dripping from every syllable pronounced by his tight lips. Meg just watched him back calmly with indifference, hiding the fact that somehow she was a little distraught of her position right now. "If you dare to do something to Lisa Braeden, I swear I'll smite you without any doubt or remorse, without giving you a chance to defend yourself. Do you understand, Meg?"

"Really?"

She asked defiantly and rising her eyebrows with obvious despise towards the angel. But her lips curled up in amusement and she almost laughed with disdain but Castiel shook her brusquely cutting her off. The demon stared serious and coldly infuriated at the angel. He had shaken her strongly forcing her to shut up and take it gravelly. She still was trapped in his hands and they were facing each other closely. He looked down at her with stern expression and intense blue she was feeling kind of turned on…

"I'm not playing, Meg."

"I see it." She simply said with cold voice but teasing glare. "Who is this _beloved _Lisa?" She said trying to free herself from him but she was trapped in his iron grip. It sort of hurt her now that she wasn't in her best but the ache was just increasing her _excitement_ in the situation she was in now. "I'm not playing either, Clarence."

"Stop it."

The angel said shaking her again making her to laugh a little. This seemed to enrage him and he tightened more the grip he had on her. Meg winced a bit but she was enjoying it plenty, so she just smirked evilly at the angel defying him to go on. Her dark eyes twinkle in anticipation. _Come on, feathers, get a grip on yourself and force me…_

"Unlike you I won't stop only with verbal threats." She said snickering with delight and challenge and lifting her face towards his which was by the way frozen in fury and disgust. "I'll take it beyond that, Clarence, but I'll give you a chance, so come on, big boy, force me to retreat, _I'm a very bad, bad girl_."

Meg heard the imitation of a porno actress in her voice at the last sentence but she couldn't help it. She was literally laughing entertained with the situation inwardly. She particularly enjoyed the way Castiel changed his face to one of embarrassment and confusion, like if he knew that what she had said was shameful but he couldn't really get the complete understatement. But he immediately recovered his grave façade and frowned with cold blue tired eyes. _This is getting good…_

"We're in this together, _pal_, so I need to know who this woman is to you."

Some part of the demon's brain registered the fact that she sounded like a jealous _girlfriend_. She dismissed the thought chuckling inwardly. But Castiel wasn't going to give in and she could see the determination tattooed in his glare as the blue of his vessel's eyes. He sighed slowly exasperated and clenching tightly his jaw. He narrowed his steely look on her.

"No, you don't need to know. You're just being a meddler. This doesn't concern you; you shouldn't be asking about her and me." He paused briefly and Meg could almost see his mind working in some thoughts he was trying to understand. Finally he tilted his head in his so famous way staring at her with confusion and Meg faced him intrigued when she noticed the lack of the poisoning anger and despise he had been previously displaying towards her. Part of she heard his words and it was her turn to sigh deep to keep herself from kicking his sorry ass right there. How he dared to call her a meddler? "Or could it be that you're worried about me?"

She snorted, chuckled and laughed. The angel kept staring at her intensely with seriousness and confusion, controlling his anger. Meg almost doubled over laughing her head off but he kept her still on her spot with is iron _sexy _grip.

"I'm sorry for disappointing you, cloud hopper, but I was just playing with you. I'm not worried about you and I won't ever be it, not in the kind you think of." She paused letting her laughs to end. Even when she was amused by the scene; she couldn't help to feel divided in keeping her _noisy _attitude and get some freaking answers or don't give into his stupid belief of being _concerned _about him and letting him have the upper hand. So she decided to pick one. "Alright, I'm done with it. It's not funny anymore. I don't give a rat's ass whatever thing you have with Lisa Braeden."

She shrugged turning her face away from him indifferently and she beat herself inwardly for taking this path. She really wanted to know but her pride was greater than admitting it and letting a stupid cheesy angel to win. _I don't know why I feel like a stupid teenager… _She coaxed her face to look back at him and force a fake smile of compromise.

"I hope you're not lying." Castiel said after staring at her behavior frowning inquisitive and clearly confused. His eyes relaxed a little and his anger was dismissing. Meg couldn't help to notice the way he looked calmer when she had given up… _or maybe not_. "For your own good we need to get away from Lisa Braeden as soon as possible."

"Ok, Clarence. Whatever." She shrugged again faking acceptance and indifference to whatever crappy link he had with this mysterious woman. "We won't see her again after she drives us to the motel. So don't try to bite my head off. And release me. Now."

She wasn't faking her grave and dangerous voice in the last sentences. She looked down at his hands gripping her arms and he immediately let her go. Meg moved her arms and hugging herself rubbed them softly grimacing a little. She didn't mind the pain, she enjoyed it, but she did it to bother him. _Good for you, tree topper. Now that I'm not at my finest you can maybe _hurt_ me, huh. But I can to. _She smirked inwardly remembering that they were almost in the same condition right now, both bounded by some crap and limiting their true power and nature. _But I'm more powerful than you right now, wings. _She looked by the corner of her thoughtful eyes that Castiel stared at her looking somehow sheepishly. She rolled her eyes not really knowing what to think about it. When she finished massaging her pained arms' muscles casually she looked at his chest and noticed the red spots painting the fabric of his undershirt through his unbuttoned shirt and jacket.

"You're bleeding, _love."_

The demon stated with casual tone still a little upset by his threatening and superior behavior from moments ago. Castiel looked down at himself with tired and blank expression not looking angry anymore but didn't say anything. _That's karma, sweetheart. That happens when you try to threaten me_. She smirked satisfied inwardly looking at the angel pressing his hands against his chest where the sigil she had carved was under bandages. Meg watched him wincing and his face showed obvious pain. She couldn't help to feel proud of her well done job at carving him and how his suffering made her feel powerful and happy. But she couldn't stay there contemplating her work of art. Lisa Braeden was going to come back soon. So the demon took his hands again from his injured aching chest to stop him from messing it more and quickly buttoned his shirt and zipped his jacket hiding the blood motes. Castiel just let her do staring absently at her furrowed brow and clearly annoyed expression. Just when she had smoothed his jacket with the palm of her hands casually already thinking in all she was going to do when they reached a motel. She sighed silently mad. It was going to be a long night.

"Hey guys."

Lisa said opening the driver's door and climbing into her car with a plastic bag with some things in her left hand. She put it in the passenger's seat and started the car. Meg noticed that she was tired too.

"Well, let's go. I think you need more than me some place to sleep."

She said nicely and throwing a glance towards both through the rearview mirror. Meg nodded chuckling and taking Castiel's arm to snake hers just in case she needed to stop him from doing something stupid like it was his common thing. She was still fuming in ignored fury for being called _meddler _and being forced (by herself) to step back into her explanation of Lisa's connection to the angel. But she wasn't going to show it. She grinned gleefully mindful. Knowing herself she knew that sooner or later she was going to discover it, especially if it was about a cheesy angel who tended to turn nuts from time to time.

"Are you going to stay in town, Lisa?"

She asked casually with an easy calm smile. Even without seeing it, she could feel Castiel's discomfort at her questioning and she could swear that he was trying to make her head explode in his creepy silence. That only amused her and encouraged the demon to keep digging in forbidden business.

"I don't think so. I can make it to the next one where I have some things to attend. It's not very far away. So I'll leave you and then I'll go there."

"I hope you find that love you're looking for."

Meg said between faked sincerity and disguised mockery. All about _true love _the woman had said behind her words made her want to throw up and joke about it. She was just relieved when Lisa drove her car to a motel and parked it. Outside it was dark already. Meg noticed that the reception was almost in front of the car. Lisa was polite and nice enough to park there. The demon suddenly and confusedly felt a burning sensation blinding her mind but shrugged it off. She frowned quiet and intrigued trying to recognize the thought behind it.

"Thank you, Meg. That's kind of you."

Meg nodded leaving her uncertain moment behind and got out from the car. She needed to go to reception and get a room right now. Too much done in the crappy day and she was sick and tired of it. Tomorrow will be another day, she said sighing tiredly and walking towards the reception glancing back discreetly at the car still curious about Castiel and Lisa Braeden. Tomorrow she was going to be ready again to babysit a fallen angel. While she walked inside the building she didn't see Lisa or Castiel exchanging communication in any way. She hurried her actions and the actions of the boring and ugly man attending not feeling up to use her charm on him and just wanting to enter a damn room. When she had the key in her hand she walked quickly back to the car and stared at Lisa looking at the backseat through the mirror. She approached the vehicle wearing an easy fake smile.

"Hey"

She said making Lisa to turn to face her. The woman's face looked sad and thoughtful for a moment but she didn't seem freaked out and smiled at the demon. Meg opened the backseat door on her side and looked into the car at Castiel trying to not look suspicious or something. The angel was another case. If he was before deep into misery, now he was beyond that. Meg watched how he truly looked now depressed and broken, like if suddenly he had understood something that had crushed him in some way. She knew that Lisa couldn't have done it; she felt it in her gut even when strangely she wanted to slap her hardly. So this was all about the angel's self loathing self and secret guilt over something she didn't have a damn clue. When Castiel felt her digging her stare on his tired and ashen face (she remembered he was bleeding) he turned to her and motioned to go out of the car. Meg stretched out her arms and caught his hands easily helping him. Lisa got out too and went to the back of the car to open the trunk.

Meg took this opportunity to slide a hand under the angel's jacket and she frowned angrily and hissed under her breath when she felt the fabric's wetness. When she pulled her hand away she noticed the redness painting her skin. All the while Castiel was standing slightly swaying but trying to keep his balance for Lisa's sake, Meg guessed. She snorted glaring daggers at him. She discreetly and disgusted dried her hand on the shirt she was wearing under the jacket.

"Here." Lisa said calling into her attention and landing Castiel's bag on the ground with obvious effort. She had taken Meg's one out already. Meg walked to her and taking both duffle bags with Lisa's help she walked to the front of the car and the demon nodded at Lisa with a polite and courteous smile and she hoped, warm eyes that didn't belong of someone trying to beat the crap out of something. "Well, it was nice to meet both of you."

She said to Meg and then glancing with sympathy at Castiel who had already walked to the hall of the motel to step out of the parking lot. He didn't say anything but stared back at Lisa. Meg realized it was the first time in the whole little journey together that he was facing her for more than seconds. His face was blank but his eyes spoke of great suffering or some sort and Meg didn't know if she could only relate it to his physical state or his mental state due to this woman, or a mix of both. She hid her confusion and angry curiosity and smiled at Lisa who had already climbed into the car again after closing the trunk.

"It was nice to meet you too."

_Yeah, sure. _Meg rolled her eyes inwardly.

"Have a nice trip."

Lisa simply said and she started the car. Meg waved just out of _human _courtesy at her a goodbye and Lisa did the same before disappearing driving her nice car away from them. _I wonder if I ever met her again. _And not really knowing why, she felt again that weird burning sensation in her mind and she didn't like it at all.

* * *

><p>The demon finally let her meat suit to drop on the mattress sighing exhausted. After they had gotten themselves into the room, a nice common room by the way, the first thing she had done was to patch up the angel's chest again. But of course, she wasn't going to do it if he wasn't clean so she forced his ass into the shower and undressing him in tense and awkward silence she <em>helped <em>him to take a refreshing shower not daring if he winced and flinched away from her touch when she _unintentionally_ rubbed at the carved enochian sigil drawn in his chest. In her quietness and thoughtful expression (she was impressed by how she could stay a long period of time without smirking or making sarcastic or naughty remarks, especially when she had Castiel naked in front of her under the water) she noticed that it was the first time the angel was more conscious about this _activity_ and he agreed peacefully without making one of his stupid puritan acts. She had enjoyed his obvious discomfort and the shame reddening his face while his eyes were spacing out and clearly fighting to be opened. He hadn't locked eyes with her as she was helping washing him and only motioned her to step back when she was about to wash some of his most _private _parts. She couldn't help to laugh at that making him angry and her happy even when they didn't look at the eye.

"Really, feathers? You worry about _that_ now? Believe me, after doing it at the nuthouse _several_ times I _know how it looks_."

But she decided that it was for her best interest now to let him do it before he started a debate about it again or throw a tantrum like the stupid child he was despite his real age and his true knowledge of whatever crappy things angels knew. So she left him in the bathroom and busy herself preparing her things to take a shower knowing that she needed to call Deano and Sammy as soon as possible if she didn't want them driving across the country hunting her down. After some minutes Castiel was out of the bathroom wearing only a pajama pants and surely the _nice sexy _underwear she had chosen for him that made her giggle like a naughty girl. She sat him down on his bed and patched him up trying to not really force the carved sigil to heal quickly as they both wanted. She didn't like a lot the way it looked awful and disgusting and she dreaded that he was going to get an infection but she didn't give a shit right now. She bandaged his chest again and then _helped _him a little maybe brusquely to wear a t-shirt to sleep. All the while they both were silent and both looked tired to ask the other anything, but the angel was keeping a piercing inquisitive stare on the demon, something that unnerved her greatly and the only that prevented her from slapping him was that she finished patching him up finally and she didn't want to do it again so soon. Bothered and tired of her own quietness she let him sitting down on his bed and dropped herself on her mattress where she lay down for a moment glancing at the ceiling with furrowed brow and with her arms sprawled on the bed and her legs falling at the end of the bed.

Now she was gathering strength to make the damn call when all she wanted was to get into the shower and rest naked on the bed. She wondered funnily what reaction could cause in the angel to see her sleeping nude. She chuckled amused and forced herself to sit down on the mattress and pull out from an inside pocket of her jacket the phone she had stolen from one of the men who were at the reception when she was there. Just some batting of her eyelashes and flirting smiles and easy stupid laughs and she had distracted them enough to steal at least one phone from the dumbest of them. She felt Castiel's stare on her from his bed. She remembered Deano's number and marked it on the cool phone she had picked and stood up sighing tiredly. She paced slowly through the room and when finally Deano answered and said her name in a very rude, aggressive and infuriated tone, like if he was waiting for her to call; she knew it was going to be a long phone call.

Meg was cranky, grumpy and sick and tired after debating with Dean and Sam Winchester over the phone for a long half hour. It had taken all her patience and coaxing on herself to not hang up and not call again, but she knew that she had to do it better if she wanted to be in their _good_ side. After Dean had called her a list of very interesting _nicknames_ she was able to start explaining when Sam took the lead. She said what she had agreed with Castiel before at the woods about the call and the Winchesters using her cunning ability to pretend and lie. They discussed with her, of course, and there were moments when the three were talking at the same time bitching and yelling. Sam was the one who tried to calm everyone and even when they reluctantly after some couching of her part and hard convincing accepted the situation of her being in charge of the crazy angel outside the nuthouse for a while, they didn't believe her and demanded her to put Castiel on the phone.

Until then, the angel had been following her pacing in silence and not losing her from his sight. Meg knew he was getting sure of what she had promised to him to say to Dean and Sam. He sat down just as she let him after patching him up slumping on his spot with tired but alert expression. She couldn't know what he was thinking at the moment because he was his sullen self. That was why she didn't dare to say something about the mysterious woman to Deano and Sammy and the reaction she had caused in the angel. No way. She was going to find out somehow sooner or later on her own terms and she felt that Castiel didn't want her going around telling it. She hadn't forgotten the way he threatened her at Lisa's car. She forced herself to not forget who he was despite his current situation.

"He doesn't want to see you."

She simply said and glancing back at the angel she saw him reacting angry at her words and raising her eyebrows menacingly. He wasn't angry at her for saying lies, because it wasn't, he had said it at the woods, but he didn't want the Winchesters to know it. She dismissed him with a roll of her eyes and explained that part Castiel hadn't wanted them to know. She didn't give a crap if he got enraged about it, she had explained to him what she was going to say and that was final. _And if they insist, then I'll simply tell them that you aren't ready to see them and you threatened me to escape if I forced you._

"But I think it's ok if you talk with him."

Meg said smiling sarcastically and turning around to the angel who was bemused and upset by her words told to the brothers. The demon knew that her explanation about his denial to see them had somehow hurt and concern Dean and Sam. She could sense it in the silence that followed her words and in the way their voice didn't sound angered and compelling anymore. She looked straight at the angel who was staring at her now looking helpless and lost as a child in her direction. _Pathetic little angel_. She was smiling calmly and truly enjoying this in her own twisted way, but staring at Castiel and looking so miserable with himself and almost wanting to shrink into his self or melt into the mattress sting something within her mind. She dismissed it asking Sam if they wanted to talk to him.

"Put him on the phone."

Dean's serious and _sentimental _voice. She rolled her eyes and walked to the angel putting the phone against one of his ears, knowing perfectly that he wasn't going to take it by will. It amazed her that he didn't run away of lock himself in the bathroom as the stupid self loathing angel he was. She couldn't really hear what Dean and probably Sam were saying to him in low voice but by looking at the face of the angel she could only guess. He suddenly looked old beyond his vessel's years and his eyes were glazed and unblinking. His expression was filled with the common mix of feelings he seemed to be harboring since he had remembered everything and the mix she had been seeing in him since she was babysitting him. Regret, sadness, guilt, shame, sorrow and pain were the most noticeable ones but sure there were others there in the blue ocean of his eyes that she really didn't want to know about. Castiel hung his face listening to the Winchesters on the other side of the phone.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

The angel said and Meg guessed rolling her eyes angrily that probably Deano and Sammy had asked him to say something to them to feel more at ease in some way. The voice Castiel had used was firm and meek. He didn't say anything else and when Meg didn't hear the hushing of their voices she knew that the call had ended. She secured the phone in her jacket again not wanting the angel to have a fit again and breaking it. She had given Dean and Sam the number and sure they had ways to find them if they needed to or wanted to. After talking to them she felt like a heavy weight had lifted off from her shoulders and somehow she felt more in the mood of being smiling and talking again even to the angel despite his _little dirty secret _with Lisa Braeden. She hummed Chase's song while she picked up her clothes to sleep, she decided to not sleep naked, Castiel hadn't done anything to deserve such gift_, _she mused darkly and without casting a glance towards the angel she entered the bathroom.

She took a very nice and refreshing shower and relaxed under the water trying to not be bothered for her current situation at least for tonight. So she stepped out of the shower and looking herself at the mirror she dried her hair and combed it with her fingers after drying her meat suit. She put on her panties and was ready to wear a very big t-shirt (she didn't have time to pick some sexy lingerie anyway) over her small frame when she caught something on her reflection on the mirror. Intrigued she turned around to see it on the lower part of her back. She narrowed her eyes at the strange symbol marked there; it was small and painted in black. She didn't understand the design but she was sure as hell that she didn't have it before.

And then it hit her. She cursed under her breathe trying to not throw a tantrum like she had done back at the road when she had snapped and took her pent up rage on the angel. She breathed heavily for long minutes watching the freaking thing there and fuming in pure anger knowing that it was related to her some lost powers and the way she was now. She controlled herself enough to not punch at the mirror and break it. She tried very hard to keep her head cool and collected. It was useless to react the same way as before and besides she was so freaking tired right now. She put on her big t-shirt that covered her till half the way of her thighs and meditative and controlled she got out from the room almost killing the light. But she remembered that Castiel didn't like to be in the dark and she didn't know if that was the same now that he wasn't acting so lunatic about everything. So just in case she let the light on and walked to his bed where he was still sitting down in the same position she had left him. She huffed annoyed and rolled her eyes at him. He looked at the bathroom confused and then to her with some unheard question on his eyes but didn't voice it out and Meg saw him watching her with disbelief and something akin to gratefulness. Probably he was still acting somehow lunatic.

"Clarence, I need you to see something."

She stood in front of him and Castiel looked up frowning confused. Meg smirked maliciously at him and then turned her back at him lifting her t-shirt just the needed for him to look at the symbol. She wasn't going to show him more because frankly he didn't deserve it. Yet. She chuckled inwardly at that and couldn't help to snort and roll her eyes again at the angel when she saw him by the corner of her eyes turning his face away not looking at what she wanted him to see. _At least these panties aren't too revealing._

"Don't be a prick, Clarence." She stated exasperated by his behavior. "It's a fucking symbol I didn't have before and I'm pretty sure it's related to the asshole that came for you back at the nuthouse." Meg could see his discomfort at what she was asking and how he was tense and embarrassed. It really amused her. "Come on, I'm giving permission to look at my damn freaking low back. Do it if you don't want me to do something more… persuasive."

But he didn't look at her and Meg lost patience. She was sure that in another occasion she would have teased him _kinkily _but right now she was pestered and just wanted to know how the damn symbol looked.

"I'll ask just one more time, honey." She tried again sighing deeply and trying to remember why she shouldn't be punching him on the face. "It's important, your jackass."

She added with serious voice and frowning pissed off towards him. The angel finally let out a deep sigh and turned his face lowering his tired and unblinking eyes till he was staring at the spot she pointed out. Just out of fun she stood up intentionally showing off her _back _innocently. She smirked satisfied when she noticed his troubled expression and the way his cheeks looked a little blushed as he wore his best blank face. He just stared at the symbol for a couple of seconds and turned again his face away. Meg stared at him curiously and getting tired again with his prudish behavior. She wondered if he had really looked at it.

"What? Do you know what the hell is it?"

"No. I hadn't seen anything like that before." He simply stated and the demon scoffed rolling her eyes and she couldn't stiffle a laugh when she caught the double sense of his words. Castiel didn't like that and looked confused and upset. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah." She muttered too tired to be angry enough. She loosened her grip on her t-shirt and let it fall along the curve of her back covering her again. She tried to discover if Castiel was lying to her about it but somehow she knew he wasn't. It bothered her that the angel couldn't identify the freaking symbol but for tonight it was more than she wanted to handle right now. "Ok. I guess I'll have to take a picture with the phone and try to look for answers myself." She turned to him smirking and Castiel looked at her askance with his arms lying motionless and almost limp on the mattress since he had been sitting down there. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something. _Wow. Maybe I'm not the only one who is getting to know someone in this little journey. _"Would you mind taking the picture, sugar? I'll teach you."

She laughed in advance knowing what reaction he would have and he didn't disappoint her.

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."

_You're so predictable, Clarence_. He moved slowly and painfully under her criticizing gaze to the headboard of the bed and laid down turning his back to her and winced pulling the covers till they covered him to his chin. She rolled her eyes at him being a little serious for the current state of the sigil carved on his chest but she dismissed it going to her bed ready to have a nice night of deserved rest away from stupid angels and his stupid dirty little secrets.


	8. Anger Management

**Hello again :)**

**THANKS to the beautiful people who took time to read this fic and THANK YOU to the beautiful people who took time to review.**

**English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve.**

**Sorry for the delay in updating but I have some business to attend at college XD but I promise you to update sooner. I'm following what's going on with the TV Show and I'm thinking how to relate the story with it trying to keep it canon as close as possible :).**

**I'm happy for the reviews :)!**

**To the pretty people who reviewed, here it is:**

**Sunset Rise: Thanks a lot for your kind appreciation! :) I love when you describe some things about the chapter ;), thank you for your review, really :D and I hope to keep you interested and write some more scenes like that one you liked ;)!**

**Lilitop: Thanks for the review ! :D I love shoulder leans too ;) and I read too for it! Thank you!**

**Canis: Thank you for being looking forward for it! :D! I know that feeling, believe me, I had it when I'm interested in a story and the waiting is horrible! ;) I hope you like this one :D!**

**Gypsy Amelia: Thank you for loving it! I guessed that maybe Lisa's appearing in it wouldn't be really interesting even when I had a reason for bringing her ;) but I'm happy you liked it :D! I'm excited too to see where these two will take me :)!**

**I followed last episode, "Reading is fundamental". I loved it because Castiel was in it, even when I was surprised to see him like that! Anyway, I loved the scene at the car when Castiel asked Meg if she was hurt and she just said "shut up" or something like that! It makes me to squeal at Megstiel :D!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter ;)**

**And for those cute people who put me in their alerts, THANKS A LOT. I don't own Supernatural.**

**See you later, boys and girls.**

**Chapter Eight "Anger Management"**

The next day when she woke up she noticed that the window's curtains were half opened and the light of the day was hitting her square in the face. She growled angrily cursing one little naughty angel for it. She was tempted to cover her face with the pillow but just sighed deeply squeezing her eyes before sitting down on the bed. She turned at the other bed but Castiel wasn't there and the bed was already made. _Wow. _She didn't expect it from the crazy unnerving winged boy. She then turned her glare towards the bathroom and its door was closed. So the angel was in it and probably showering and dressing and making himself _pretty_. She pouted wondering why today she seemed to be _especially _bothered by him. It didn't surprise her that Castiel decided to take his shower finally all by himself after yesterday. She knew that he was really discomforted for being helped by her at the shower and he only accepted it because frankly yesterday he was totally wasted after the crappy and long day they both had. Snickering, she discovered that she was going to miss those funny things, bathing him, dressing him, combing his hair, shaving him, well, all that trivial things she did for him back at the mental institution. Then she remembered that he was going to attend his injured chest too without her help and she snorted a little amazed and upset. She guessed that he was perfect capable of doing it without her and Meg was somehow relieved because honestly she didn't like to do that thing to anyone, the thing about helping, except for the part of missing seeing his bare naked chest but what the hell, if he asked her again to carve the damn sigil again she would be more than ready and glad to do it and then she would have her chance to get a sneak peek at him. Castiel didn't have the hot body of Sam or Dean Winchester, he wasn't well-built like them, and he was more like a regular man. But he had something about him; some air that it made him attractive and she didn't knew if it was because he wasn't human or if that vessel was simply attractive on its own.

The bathroom's door opened and Castiel appeared at the doorframe looking quite good in the clothes Meg had gotten for him even when they were common and regular, far away from being fancy. He was sporting that shadow for stubble so particularly of him and his hair was styled in the way she had been combing it. She couldn't help to smirk satisfied at it. It was sort of weird to see him not dressing his common attire, but wearing jeans and shirts didn't look wrong in him. She silently followed him smirking amusedly as the angel walked slowly across the room and just sat down on his bed looking through the window's curtains absently. She wondered if he noticed that she was awake. Shrugging off his odd behavior, Meg got up from bed and took the clothes she was going to wear today and went to the bathroom taking her time to enjoy the shower. When she was content with her appearance at the mirror, she came into the room thinking in what they needed to do now. After moments of sorting out inside her bag and his and then her purse, she realized that even when before the silence between both wasn't quite uncomfortable, she felt that there was something else now that it wasn't there before and it kind of unnerved her a little. At first she thought that maybe it was related to their situation about being out of the nuthouse and that the dynamics between both were slightly changed due to it. So she dismissed it. She had told him that she didn't worry for him and she wasn't going to start now. Probably she was seeing more than it really was.

"Well, we need to get out, Clarence. And first thing it will be breakfast for you and me."

Castiel didn't turn at her and remained sitting quiet, still and slumping with blue distracted eyes. She didn't need for him to say that he didn't like the idea. He wasn't a lot into the eating thing of humans. She couldn't blame him, she wasn't either but the both were screwed. So she ignored him and taking her purse she went to him and forced him to get up looking up to meet his blue eyes.

"Let's go, love. There are some things we need to do before leaving this boring and crappy town."

She winked at him playfully and motioned him to go to the door. Castiel stared at her like if he wanted to say something but he just nodded once and walked out of the room letting the door opened for her. Meg frowned at his distracted and thoughtful expression and the way his eyes were particularly off today. Again, she decided to ignore him and followed him closing the door behind her.

* * *

><p>"Here."<p>

Meg said to the angel putting a couple of pills on the table. She almost forgot that she had Castiel's medications in her purse and some other stuff she had stolen from the mental institution the night they fled. She ordered a moment ago when a young cheerful waitress came over and she was almost losing her patience staring silently at the spacing out angel who sat upright and stiff looking through the window absently once again. There was something there in his expression that she didn't start to like.

"Hey, Clarence." She tapped at the table catching his attention. The angel turned at her meeting her eyes just a second before looking down at the spot she was tapping. "You hadn't taken any of these since we left the nuthouse. Care to take some?"

Frankly, Meg didn't know if it was good or not. She didn't know if the human medications were helping him somehow since the beginning or if his thing about being an angel and using his own grace and stuff he had explained previously to her was the only thing that helped him along the ride. She didn't ask either. But she guessed that it wasn't wrong to suggest him about it. And the decision was his at the mere end. Castiel stared silently at the pills and the demon saw him clearly debating with himself when he knitted his eyebrows. Then he averted his eyes deeply thinking and took the pills shoving them into his mouth and drinking a little from the glass of water without saying anything. He kept the glass in his hands as he put it on the table.

"What is going on with you, feathers?" The angel, who had been staring at the glass between his hands, looked up with blank expression and opened his mouth. Meg chuckled and waved him away casually. "And don't say _I'm fine_ because that's shit."

"Then what would you want me to say?"

His husky voice was monotonous and he didn't care to look her at the eye. Meg snorted kind of bothered by it.

"The truth, for starters."

"I'm fine." He just replied calmly but with some tone of determination in his voice. The demon rolled her eyes angrily. "But you don't want to believe it."

"Cut the crap, already." She cut in narrowing her eyes mad at his attitude. "You're not acting your usual self. Well, the former one or the crazy one either. What the hell is with you?"

"Nothing." He said sounding more calmly after staring at her eyes casually before pulling away his arms from the table. "You don't need to worry." At this Meg chuckled amused and opened her mouth to say something but Castiel bet her in it. "I forgot that you don't worry about me."

He simply said going back to look through the window. The demon couldn't help to be surprised by his quick remark and she perked her eyebrows smirking intrigued at the odd angel. She wondered if he was this odd and awkward since he was… well, created or born, or whatever crap related to angels in that aspect. Months ago when things were different, Meg heard rumors about the_ guardian angel _of the Winchester Brothers, and some demons had qualified him as _peculiar, naïve _and _odd. _Was Castiel like this since the beginning? How could he always somehow be it after all the things that happened to him? She decided to stop harassing him with questions, because he was right, _she wasn't worried about him_ and she had better things to worry about than his sorry ass. But she _did _saw that he looked like if he didn't sleep enough and the lavender painting his eyelids was back as the black circles rimming his blue eyes. He looked more alert than he used to at the nuthouse and she guessed it was thanks to the sigil she carved in his chest. But she wondered then what was going on now with the angel to be physically looking so drained if the sigil was working perfectly. At first she thought that maybe his silence and weird behavior was a sign of him losing the grip on the madness within his head. But he talked totally aware minutes ago and he seemed to be in reality. _Suit yourself, Clarence. I don't give a rat's ass._

She ignored him and when the waitress came she focused in eating her breakfast. She wasn't either into eating human food but she knew that in her current condition she needed to take care of her meat suit and she wasn't going to let it to wither like the angel seemed to want to. After taking some bites from her scrambled eggs, she stared back at Castiel. He hadn't touched his food. She took a deep exasperated sigh glaring daggers at him. What the hell he was thinking?

"Eat it."

She just ordered with menacing voice and serious expression.

"I don't want to."

"I'm not giving you an option, _dear_. Eat it."

Castiel slowly turned to her and shot a long piercing stare from a blank expression.

"If you care about it, eat it."

Meg blinked between amuse and anger at the angel of blue intense eyes. Her eyebrows shot up questionably, asking him if he was being really serious with that so damn _rude _answer. The demon smirked waiting patiently with eyes filled with exasperation and fury. Castiel just stared straightly at her keeping his same face and for a silent moment Meg felt weirdly like a mother trying to force her child to do something and this one was throwing a fit. _So, this is how you want to play._

"Whatever. If you want to pass out it's your problem. Not mine."

She didn't say anything to him again all the time it took her to finish her breakfast. She purposely take more time than she actually needed just to have the satisfaction of watching him getting uncomfortable sitting there without doing nothing as the place crowded. She mused inwardly having fun at his predicament. So the angel didn't want to be involved with crowds. Probably he feared that he was going to blow up or something. She laughed in low voice glancing at him mockingly. When she was ready and had enough fun for now watching him fidgeting, she decided that it was time to start doing the things she knew they had to do before going back to the road. They needed clothes and supplies of some kind, and they needed a car. The town was small and they didn't have a car, so they were going to walk. She was walking a little ahead of him but she was careful of keeping an eye on the angel. She couldn't have the chance of losing him. All the while the silence from his part was unnerving this time to her because she knew that Castiel was dealing with something stubbornly within his tortured and self-loathing self, but after his rude and childish behavior at the restaurant she wasn't going to pry on it even if she really wanted to know. She didn't worry, right?

Whenever she asked something to him he just answered with monosyllables and he was lost in thought most of the time. _At least he says something_. But that didn't improve her mood darkening thanks to his brattish attitude. This time his silence was getting on her nerves and something in her gut kept telling her that there was something off inside that nerdy mind of him but she had her pride and she wasn't going to be sent to hell (not literally) again by a cheesy stupid angel. The demon watched him while she hummed different songs as they walked around, she wasn't really the quiet type of demon but she wasn't going to stir up a conversation once more. So she focused her angry mind in studying him with a hawk eye and frowning intrigued at his weird (weirder to be more precise) behavior. She remembered that she had taken a picture of the freaking symbol on her lower back and was still a _little_ angry with him for not lending her a hand but she got over it because there were more important things to do. Meg decided then that they needed first to go shopping for more clothes and other needed accessories. She wasn't going to waste her precious time in doing laundry or whatever other crap. She still had a lot of money anyway and they needed a car, so she needed to steal one or buy some cheap car. Probably it was better to pick the last option to not drag unwanted attention. They strolled around the town as she looked for cheap cars and debated with herself in stealing one nice, because she didn't want to drive an ugly one, and the angel just tagged along always following her a few feet away from the demon. She pretended to not notice his strange and maddening behavior as she looked around just out of hurt pride and angrily offended. Whenever she found him spacing out and standing as a freaking awkward statue away from her, Meg came over and taking him strongly by the arm she coaxed him to follow her lead. She noticed that he was still in clear pain and the brusque movements seemed to increase it making him to wince and cringe, so she put a mental note in her head to check the sigil carved on his chest to see if he had taken proper care of it. She didn't want to beat herself for not forcing him to let her do it. She wasn't going to beg even less than she wasn't going to ask him about it.

Finally she decided to buy a used crappy car that didn't look so bad and seemed to work fine and her good looks; flirting way and coquettish words earned her a discount. That was something she always enjoyed when she was in a female meat suit and that was why she preferred to possess women than men. They always had a major funny playground. Not at all happy with the purchase because she wanted a nice expensive car but knew that it was better to be in low profile right now, soon she was driving again with a silent and pathetic blue angel by her side. She followed her decision of not being a _meddler _again and ignored him. If she ignored him she felt like if she was in a relaxing journey away from menaces pending over her head and wanting to kick her ass. But the presence of the angel even in his stillness and quietness was always strong and she felt it and the way he was now it was unsettling her because she didn't want to handle a moping broken angel even if it was Clarence himself. After going from one crappy shop to another and choosing some clothes she thought were nice enough for both to dress, because she wasn't going to wear any shitty ones and wasn't going to let Castiel either, just because he was always with her and she didn't want to be seen with a man dressing horribly and without sense of style, she noticed that it was past midday already. She drove without a really fixed direction remembering the way Castiel had just waited for her outside the shops silently standing like if he didn't belong to the world around him. Meg could see his mind racing behind his blue haunted eyes and wondered intrigued and bothered what the hell the angel could be thinking or reminiscing about.

As she had been paying at the last shop and was watching him from afar, clearly glad for his dressing chosen by her (he got some looks from the passing women), she sorted through her theories frowning confused. It didn't seem that he was having one of his episodes. It was true that the Winchesters talked to him on the phone but previously they talked to him in person and somehow told her that it wasn't entirely that even when probably it was related. And then when she was staring at him walking back to his spot and carrying some bags with the things she had bought she saw him following with a stare a couple with a brat who were laughing and talking. Meg clearly noticed the way he stared at them like if he was seeing something else instead of them, as if they represented something else within his tormented mind. In the same way he looked and followed for a moment other humans passing by, other couples with a child or two young men joking around like if they were brothers or something. When the humans were a couple of certain age, a man and woman walking calmly and hugging each other, Meg finally noticed a change in Castiel. The angel looked down and folded his arms like if he was trying to shrink into himself or was trying to defend himself from something. He furrowed his brow and sighed heavily closing momentarily his blue tired eyes.

Now he was staring at the front sitting beside her as she drove silently frowning. She knew that he wasn't in fact looking at anything in particular. But suddenly she started to notice the way his head wobbled and he was going limp on the passenger seat. When she shot a glare at him she realized his eyes looked glassy and out of focus and he looked in discomfort. She stopped the car parking it in the first place she could find and hissing and cursing angrily she turned to him and put her hand against his forehead. He was feverish. His cheeks were bright red and he was panting heavily with half lidded eyes crystalized and drifting away.

"Dammit, Clarence." She furrowed her brow furious and pestered. Guessing what it was all about, she unzipped his jacked and immediately saw the blood soaking his white shirt and undershirt. It seemed he hadn't cared to wrap his chest with bandages at all. Meg wondered if he had cared enough to treat his injured chest with the first aid kit she kept at the bathroom. She felt lucky realizing that she had bought more now that the angel was going to have these tendencies. "What the fucking hell is wrong with you?"

She raised her voice and seethed through her teeth an angry growl before starting the car quickly and going to the motel's direction. She was trying to not yell at his face what she really wanted to and kept herself in control knowing that probably he wasn't in all his senses right now. Her hands clawed at the steering wheel as she shook her head disapprovingly and shoot casual glares at the angel. She didn't have time for this, she didn't have time to deal with stupidities done by a pathetic cloud hopper who didn't care about his vessel's health, and she didn't have time to keep patching up his absurd acts of self punishment and self loathing. She still needed to see if someone here was able to tell her something about the symbol drawn on her back. And now Castiel with his moronic childish fucking stupid act was getting in her way. Because she knew that all this was about his own hate against himself for his past actions and betrayal, and she knew that he felt such a shit that he didn't value his own life enough to care about his meat suit. The angel simply seemed to not care about his well being and wanted to wither and decay like a damn freaking flower. This wasn't only because he had her boss playing games inside his head. And this wasn't because of the carved sigil or the medicines. No, this was all clear and plenty Castiel sort of stupid thing related to his kind of stupid beliefs. And she didn't have and more importantly, she didn't want to _break him _from it.

After arriving to the motel's parking lot, she parked the car outside their room and got up from the car with quick pace and deathly silence. She dragged aggressively the angel out of the car and hauled him along the short path to the room's door. Castiel was swaying a lot by then. She didn't lose time and dropped him in the same manner on his bed and closed the door. This one was lying down and staring absently at the ceiling looking sickly pale. Meg tore apart his shirt and undershirt saving only the jacket that belonged to Chase and took off his shoes as Castiel flopped back and forth his head murmuring nonsense. The demon stared furiously at his chest not bandaged and growled curses frowning. The carved sigil was looking even more horribly than the last time she had seen it and the carved flesh was awfully puffy, inflamed and red. She had guessed right. He had a serious infection. Trying to not snap and just tempted highly glad in leaving him there to rot for his own stupidity, the demon lifted him easily and brought him to the bathroom where she started to give him a cold shower. He sat him down under the cool water brusquely watching him resting his back against the wall barely with strength enough to not drop to the side.

"Look at this, you stupid impotent sap!" She sing sang laughing with disdain and disgust as she tore apart his jeans, underwear and socks. "Look, tree topper. You always end naked! Maybe you're the one who wants me to see you without clothes, sweetheart!"

"Stop it… please…" The angel said clearly enough for her to listen to. Meg chuckled angrily as she cleaned the sigil carved on his chest a little too rudely. "I don't want to see it…"

She snorted amused and irritated. So he wasn't talking to her. Obviously. With his fever probably his defenses against the lunacy living within his mind were shutting down quickly. She worked fast because she wasn't in the mood to humor him and be _gentle and attentive_.He had gotten himself into this so he had to face the consequences.

"It burns… it hurts… please, stop…"

"Good for you, Clarence." She replied sarcastically with venom seeping through her voice seeing him trying to lift a shaky hand towards her uselessly. His arm dropped dead and Meg chuckled watching him with evil pity and mockery. "Look at you, _love_. I bet the people you know wouldn't ever imagine seeing you like this, so weak, crazy and pathetic. " The demon stared disgusted at his chest assuring if she had cleaned it perfectly. The angel moaned and winced painfully even when she wasn't touching it anymore. His flesh looked sore. "You're such a mess, _honey_."

"Nothing is the same as before…"

"You're damn right, Clarence."

She sing sang ironically annoyed replying at his words murmured broken up with shaky breaths. His half lidded eyes were glazed and lost in their own little world. She turned off the shower and taking a towel started to dry him in her rude manner already bored, fed up and raging about the whole thing regarding _this _situation.

"Just you, with your stupid self loathing can make this." She started with joking voice sniggering maliciously and showing pure scorn in her dark eyes towards the sick angel. "Just you can make things to get worse behaving like a prick and getting yourself to look like shit and feel like shit."

After drying him totally she lifted him easily and brought him back into the room dropping him like a dead weight on the bed. She sighed sick and tired but knowing she had to do what she had to do, and feeling only angrier when she knew that Castiel couldn't face her in his current state or fight her in some way.

"I didn't see it… It was my mistake… I should have seen it… I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, yeah, same old same old. Change the tune, baby!"

Castiel went on murmuring things in _enochian_ in low and broken voice due to his heavy breathing. She ignored him finding that the fact that he spoke a language she didn't know only increased her already grown fury. She instead put her attention in attending his chest rubbing it with alcohol (more than it was needed but what the hell) making him to weakly squirm and hiss painfully. She laughed openly at his futile and helpless attempts to stop her and grinned mockingly when he gave up and lay there like a lifeless doll blinking from time to time slowly and staring at the ceiling with half lidded sickly eyes. The demon treated his wounded carved flesh noticing that in fact it was far away from healing soon. She guessed that using her blood in it had the effect the angel wanted and probably it was the main reason for his infection and fever. She couldn't help to smirk pleasant and satisfied at it, feeling dark pride in being the one causing this to him. Then she bandaged his chest tightly securing the area perfectly and dressed him in casual clothes and forced him to swallow some pills to help him get rid of his infection and fever. After finishing she lifted him by his arms not caring when he grimaced and winced in evident pain until she rested him in a more comfortable way on the bed putting his head above a pillow. It bothered her the way even gone like this; the angel was stubborn and a martyr enough to not scream in pain. She knew that he controlled it the best he could while she was attending him. And that fact was the final straw for her. Meg went to her bag and picked her last clean clothes and going to the bathroom she changed. She couldn't help to look at her lower back hoping that the freaking symbol wasn't there anymore but cursed angered when she saw it there. She got out of the bathroom, took her purse and walked to the door stopping only to turn back to stare at the feverish angel thrashing and whispering unknown crappy things to an invisible visitor. She smirked looking down at him with interested but despising frown. _What a poor little thing you are, feathers. _She opened the door knowing that he wasn't going to get up for a while and probably his fever was going to break soon. She wasn't going to worry, right?

She drove through the city just accompanied by the music on the radio. She even dared to take a look outside it looking for some clue about someone or someplace where she could get help about her little and _bothering _problem. She had to look around carefully if she didn't want to drag attention to her _quest _and the fact that there wasn't anyone or anything that could lend her a hand, only made her mood to darken more and be filled in rage. She contented herself in driving away from the town for a couple of hours just to come back at high speed running the car along the road where they had met Lisa Braeden. Remembering her _didn't_ do well to her current _emotional _state. As she was getting close to the town feeling a little more _resigned _to go to the motel and deal with the cheesy stupid angel at her care, she thought again in Lisa's connection to Castiel. Her anger and frustration were dismissing against her curiosity and intrigue. She frowned driving carefully but with half of her attention away from the street in front of her and reminiscing that encounter. As she replayed the scenes they had shared with the woman she saw again Castiel's reaction towards her actions and words. Inwardly her mind started to see those scenes under a new light, far from the burning strange freaking sensation she felt when she remembered Lisa. She didn't dwell in it. She focused her inquisitive mind and observance in the angel's behavior back then and later she replayed today. She furrowed her brow deathly serious with her red lips forming a tight line trying to get a sense of all of it. Could it be that Castiel's behavior for today was a result from that meeting somehow? What if all this, the fleeing from the nuthouse, the call from the Winchesters, the meeting with Lisa Braeden, had somehow affected something within the emotional mad angel?

She parked the car outside the room noticing the change in the light out. She had really taken a long ride. Still musing about her thoughts related to Castiel she got out from the car wearing a grave frown and entered the room. She was met by the shadows. She had forgotten to let the lights of the bathroom on and the curtains were covering the window almost totally. She closed the door behind her and tapping at the wall she turned on the lights of the room looking immediately at the angel's bed. She was strangely surprised that he wasn't freaking out because of the darkness surrounding him and found him sitting down on the mattress rocking back and forth with his knees up against his chest and wrapped by his arms. She narrowed her eyes angry. He shouldn't be doing that when he had a wound like that on his chest. Castiel looked up to meet her absently and then looked around and finally up at the lights for a second. He looked down and locked his eyes with Meg's ones. She was still standing by the closed door and she noticed his tired but alert state and the way his eyes told that he was still slightly sick. His cheeks weren't as bright red as before and he didn't look so deathly pale. His breathing seemed better. The angel glared at her with a frown of demand and offense she didn't get at first.

"Where were you? You should stay here with me."

She blinked shocked at his voice that oddly sounded to her somehow hurt and childish and by the way it was his natural husky one, it was really hilarious in some strange form to her. That was why her shock was replaced by amuse and annoyance and _little_ anger towards his attitude and chosen words.

"What?"

"You stay with me." He replied to her confused question. She couldn't help to have to do a double take at that. Nonetheless she recovered pretty fast and glared at him entertained and folding her arms with a smirk of pending anger. "You shouldn't leave me alone."

_You have to be freaking kidding me, Clarence_.

"Oh, so you say." She started pacing the room clenching her jaw and staring at the angel not really believing him. Was he delusional? Was he still feverish enough to be hallucinating? The Castiel she knew wouldn't _ever _say that. She shook her head chuckling thoughtful and really mad. "If I remember correctly, I'm not your mother, _sweetie_, so I don't have the _obligation _to be _glued_ to you all the fucking time." She stopped pacing and walked forward noticing that Castiel looked quite lucid enough to not be joking around. Or so he seemed. "And I'm not your fucking girlfriend either, cloud hopper. We're not _bed buddies_, so stop talking to me like a stupid brattish child or a jealous annoying boyfriend!" She yelled leaning over him with serious and furious expression. The angel just blinked once staring at her silently with strange expression. She narrowed her cold eyes. "I'm your caretaker, and maybe your babysitter, Clarence, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stick around you 24 hours, alright?"

"You're right." Castiel replied tilting slowly his head and shooting her a piercing look. Meg perked an eyebrow unfolding her arms and keeping them by the sides of her meat suit, with balled fists. She studied him quietly from head to toe and noticed that even when he was alert and somehow responsive, there was something off about him but she couldn't pinpoint if it was related to his remnant fever. There was something odd with the way his blue eyes looked. "I'm just a job for the _demon_." The way he said the word made her shudder in controlled rage. His weird eyes narrowed at her. "And _we aren't "bed buddies"_, the other reason you could have to _stick _around me day and night. I forgot that's all you think about. That's all you want from me, isn't it? To torture me, to use me as an insurance, to _screw _me."

Meg chuckled scornful. And he replied with a glare full of judgement.

"Are you trying to get in my nerves, Clarence?" She asked smirking." Or are you saying that you're _hurt _because you're nothing more than that to me? I'll get you some news, feathers, you're right and I don't give a fuck about you if I can get what you already know from you. What do you think? That I would want to stay with you just _out of the goodness of my heart_? Come on, _love_, give me a break! I'm a demon and I like what I am. Do I feel offended by your pathetic attempt at getting me mad?" She laughed her ass off and felt proud noticing the way it affected him. The angel sighed clenching his jaw and he frowned with something akin to confusion. "You and I aren't friends, Clarence. You're a fucking angel, have you forgotten it? All about you _bothers_ me, just like when you stare at my face and you see the real one. You know what I'm in this. Where does this stupid demand of you come? You don't have foundations for it, Clarence. You're just a pathetic excuse of an angel, a fallen and broken angel, and not the kind of one I like, to say something."

Meg smirked maliciously and daring and was glad when she noticed his vessel stiffening and his fixed glassy eyes narrowing and glaring at her. But somehow there was something else in those blue eyes, something besides the oddness she couldn't identify. Was it despair? Was it sadness? Was it guilt? Knowing Castiel probably it was all that and much more.

"I pity you, Clarence. You're so messed up that you don't give a shit about your vessel's state. I know what you're doing, you know. Not wanting to eat when you need it. Not wanting to ask for help to take care of your wounds. Not letting out a freaking scream of pain. Not showing the nightmares plaguing your _sweet _dreams and keeping you away from sleeping. Not saying a word when you're burning up. Are you such a self loathing prick? Do you hate yourself so much to want punishment so badly? To play these stupid childish games and trying to take on me whatever crap is going on with you?" She snorted. "You're such a naïve child, Clarence. You don't even know what to do! You don't even know how to play it right. Well, I'm a little angry, but I'm having much fun with it."

"I could smite you if I wanted right now."

Castiel said with dead voice and trembling frown. Meg laughed loudly and realized how that filled his expression and body language with real and true anger. The demon wondered if it wasn't that what she was seeing in his blue baby eyes, besides the oddness she had seen already there since the morning. In other occasion she would have been a little dreadful for the way he threatened her, but now she couldn't be it when she knew that he was just throwing words at the air and he wasn't exactly in his right mind.

"Go on. Come on, do it." She replied calmly and smiling confident. She folded her arms over her chest and gestured him to do it, staring at him with pity and contained fury. She wasn't going to lose her cool against a cheesy emotional feathery ass. "Come on, Clarence. Grow a pair and _smite me_." She laughed weakly sneering at him. Castiel's eyes looked hunted and fierce. "But you're not going to do it, and do you want to know why? Because there's no one, but me. That's right. Smite me. What are you going to do then? Run to your beloved Deano and Sammy? You aren't sure they'll take you back, and mostly you don't want to be around them knowing all the crap you did to them. Let's pretend they care about you and they want you despite everything back, you're forgiven and all that. I doubt you'll stay so easily with what's eating at you within, right? The shame, the guilt, and the betrayal you committed. You're so predictable and easy to read, _sugar_. So your cowardice won't let you do it. Run to your former home? Run to hell to get the kind of punishment you think you deserve? And let me tell you something, you _deserve _it."

Distractedly she looked at the nightstand between the two single beds and saw one of the bottles she had stolen from the nuthouse. She approached the little table and snatched the bottle reading the label and realizing that almost the half was empty. Sighing furious and irritated she controlled how much she wanted to slap the angel and turned to him with narrowed steely eyes and empty smirk.

"Really, Clarence? Taking pills now? What do you want? To kill yourself?"

"Don't tell me what to do." He replied coldly with fierce and wild expression. "I needed them to keep…." He outstretched his arm towards her. "Give it back to me."

She laughed rolling her eyes with disgust. He motioned to her harder to give him the bottle. Meg chuckled staring amused and a little intrigued at the angel. Being close to him she could see now really the way his eyes looked weird probably due to whatever number of pills he had taken already, but what really got her was the intense and undeniable anger he was containing. Did he realize that the anger was there? Did he realize that he feel it? He blinked gesturing to her to surrender the bottle to him with frenetic motion and cold grave face. But his eyes always spoke against him in the worst situations and Meg knew it. She stared seriously at his blue orbs noticing how close he seemed to break down, how his body trembled and he just ignored it, how he blinked away his pain, how much tense he was and how his jaw was set tightly preventing him to use his mouth to vent out his pent up anger. She wondered where this anger came from. She could only guess. There was so much sadness and resign written all over his frame. And somehow she knew that shoving pills into his weakened vessel wasn't the entire reason for this behavior. It had been probably the catalyzer, but not the main one. She averted her eyes thinking hard before looking back at the angel demanding her to give him the pills and she throw them to the other side of the room as Castiel watched her bemused and finally glaring daggers at her like if he wanted for her to drop dead. But she noticed that he wasn't in fact looking at her, just like when she had seen him hours ago watching people but not really doing it, more like seeing through them and finding some meaning just for him, like watching something that remembers you something else.

Before he could say something and she knew he wanted to when his face tensed and he stared absently at her steely and lethal, she took him from his arm strongly and hauled him to his feet surprising the angel. She didn't lose time in explaining anything to him and taking her purse she forced him brusquely to walk and follow her outside the room and into the car. He didn't say a word and just kept stiffening and glaring angrily at her casually and confused with blue glazed eyes. Meg didn't say anything and started the car and drove fast along the street going towards the road. Her hands were claws on the steering wheel and she didn't look at the _man_ sitting on the passenger seat once. She kept looking ahead even feeling his glare burning into her face. In her ride earlier, Meg had passed by an old fabric of some sort that looked abandoned. She drove that way and just in minutes they arrived there. She left the road and took the path to the place till she reached it and parked the car few meters away from the building. Without saying a word, she got out and closing the door she rounded the car and opened the door at the passenger seat. Castiel remained sitting down and staring at the front with intense and blank expression. Meg rolled her eyes annoyed. _Surely you're not a child, Clarence._

"Get out." She ordered him with firm and menacing voice. Castiel blinked but didn't move. "I said, _get out_."

The demon grabbed him tightly by the collar and forced him aggressively to leave the car and stand up. She dragged him coaxing and pulling at him by his arm closer to the old abandoned building and every time the angel tugged at her to break free or he tried to stay still in some spot, she snorted and used more force in her attempts to coax him to keep walking. She stopped finally at some meters and watched the building. It looked still good. It had a lot of windows that weren't broken. She smirked inwardly satisfied.

"Enough." He said pulling away his arm from her and breaking free from her strong grip. "I'm leaving."

He turned around to leave but Meg leaning down and picking up something from the dusty ground quickly got in his way forcing him to stop. Castiel looked at her serious and a little confused with a permanent hunted frown. He looked down at her hand watching what she was holding. It was a rock. He looked at her baffled.

"Come on, Clarence. Just try it."

"Try what?"

He asked exasperated and visibly exhausted and tormented. Meg smirked funnily and turning at the building she winked at him before throwing the rock at it breaking a window. The sound was loud in the silence of the place and its surrounding area. Soon the night was going to fall, so she knew she needed the angel to start. She half turned to him and found him staring at the broken window still confused. Meg rolled her eyes knowingly at him and sighing with irritation picked up another rock and taking Castiel's hand with her free one; she forced him to look at her. When the angel did it he stared distrusting and disgruntled at the demon. Meg smirked entertained and put the rock in the palm of his hand before releasing it. She couldn't help to roll her eyes again in despair watching the angel looking down at the rock like if it was something he hadn't seen ever and then looking up at her with questioning tormented glare, a glare still fierce.

"Come on, _kiddo_. Try it. You'll like it." When he kept staring at her like if he was waiting for her to mock him or something, she put her hands on her hips trying to gather extra patience, something she had learned to do when she was with Castiel anyway. "Just do what I did."

"What's the purpose? I don't see any. It's… unproductive."

"Just do it, dammit."

She replied with hissing annoyed voice and menacing glare. Castiel locked eyes with her for a couple of minutes holding the rock with delicacy and Meg felt that he was trying to understand her order. The intensity and pain within his blue eyes were so visible now, that the demon was forced to avert her eyes discreetly and to break the contact for a little while before looking at him by the corner of her dark eyes piercingly, daring him to not obey her. Finally, the angel complied with her request and sighing exasperated threw the rock at one window on the first floor. Meg had broken one on the second floor. The window broke instantly making the known sound. The demon smirked amused and watched the angel askance trying to read his expression. Castiel remained staring at the broken window for a moment silently standing motionless with a little surprised expression. Then his face tensed and he clenched his jaw and Meg could see clearly that anger unraveling little by little within his freaking bulb of light. His eyes got somehow and impressively more opened for her to read and she smiled inwardly when she knew she had guessed right. Castiel was angry. But she didn't know at who or why.

Shocking her greatly a little, Meg watched the angel bending over and picking up another rock and throwing it at a window on the third floor. She wasn't at all surprised with his strength. After all, he was an angel, even if he was _limited _now. The window broke into tiny little pieces due to the force he used. She remained quiet and still close to him but leaving him space to pursue his little game. She watched him amused and intrigued while the angel repeated the action over and over, throwing every next rock accurately and stronger than the last one. The windows broke almost in synchrony one by one and the demon observed the scene finding some glee in seeing Castiel getting angrier with every rock he picked up. He kept doing it without stopping, not even minding the way he winced and grimaced when he bent over due to his wounded chest, not giving away any sign of his physical pain. But whatever pain he had inside him the demon was witness of its presence showering through every move the angel did to break the next window. Soon he got into a mad frenetic rhythm when his breathing hitched and he furrowed his brow and hissed trying to stop his mouth from shouting. Meg saw it and wondered why he didn't just scream out loud. That she really wanted to see. Why did he have to keep it within? _Right, because Clarence is a damn martyr._ Minutes went by and the angel kept breaking windows without stopping in a fit of rage. The demon that was looking at him askance noticed the glassiness of his blue eyes and the way his voice seemed to want to break from his throat and broke his breathing. She frowned not smirking anymore and just observing the angel with interest till all the windows were broken and he swayed in his spot breathing heavily and trembling.

"Do you feel better?"

Meg asked him faking disinterest and curling her red lips a little in a defiant grin. Castiel was looking down trying to calm his unsteady breathing and Meg could guess, quickened heart beating. His frame was hunched and he looked weak and fragile. She felt suddenly proud.

"No. I feel worse."

"Then it worked."

"What?"

He finally turned to face her confused and inquisitive. Meg grinned widely.

"You have anger issues, Clarence. You have a lot of crap within your nerdy mind, _my friend_." She chuckled at the irony of the word. "You needed to vent out your pent up anger. Of course, I wasn't going to be the one receiving it. This is childish, but what the hell, you're a child most of the time."

She laughed mockingly and didn't expect the angel to react so aggressively towards her. She suddenly found his hand around her neck, not really in a dangerous way yet, but she didn't like it at all. In fact, she hated it and her face transformed into deathly seriousness and coldness facing the angel so close to her and keeping her arms hanging calmly without fighting him yet. She didn't want to show him that somehow she was a little unnerved by his move. By the corner of her eyes she saw his other hand balled tightly and shaking as it was doing his whole meat suit. She smirked inwardly. Even in this position she had the upper hand.

"Release me, Clarence. I won't repeat it."

"I'm not your toy."

"Why not? You had been it for others before. You were it for your _daddy_, for your _older brothers and sisters_, for _Deano and Sammy_, for _your buddy Crowley_, for _your fellow friends Leviathans_… Do I have to keep going?"

"Shut up."

He said frowning deeper with tormented and pained eyes. Meg saw the anger still lingering there but the emotion right now ruling over the angel was another one. She smirked playfully not really dreading in the position she was.

"I've been babysitting you, Clarence. I deserve to be in that list too."

"I told you to shut up."

"Why are you angry, _little puffy angel_? With who are you so mad?" She asked talking to him like humans used to talk to little children. Castiel glared at her with blue crystal eyes controlling his hissing through seethed teeth. "I know this all began when we met that woman named Lisa Braeden. So, I'll ask, what did she remembered for you, pitiful child? What memories did she stir up within that crazy little head of yours? What did you do to her?"

The last question she asked it then with a serious and demanding voice. Castiel shook his head like if he was trying to get rid of something and his breathing came in short gasps. He was trembling like a leaf and his eyes were wide and crazed. Meg watched him looking behind her and looking around like if he was following shadows that didn't belong to anyone real. She frowned staring disgusted and fascinated at the same time at his suffering and lunacy. His hand loosened around her neck but she didn't move and watched him swaying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I didn't want to do it, I didn't know…"

"What did you do, Clarence? What you didn't want to do? Why are you sorry for?"

Meg asked highly intrigued and smiling in anticipation. She knew that Castiel was having a mental breakdown and she guessed that the pills he had taken didn't in fact helped him and probably they just messed more with his mental state. He wondered why then he had taken so many if he wanted to avoid having these episodes.

"You lied… you lied…" She watched him saying to someone at his left side with despair and horror painted in his now pale face. "You said it will be better… and now I cannot… I'm sorry…"

"What did you do, Clarence?" Meg asked again with dark sweet voice and Castiel turned to face her with tormented expression and scared eyes. His lips trembled slightly like if he wanted to answer her but he couldn't or didn't want to. "What did you do, little angel of lord?"

"No… no… no… I… no…"

"Tell me." She demanded fiercely this time as his grip on her loosened and she was free. His arm hung limp by the side of his shaking vessel. But Castiel kept shocking his head in denial and breathing in short gasps with perplexed and distant eyes. Her patience was wearing thin and he was annoying her. It would have been easier if she just tortured him. "Clarence, answer me, dammit!"

"No… no… leave me alone… I don't want to remember…" His hands flew to cover his ears as his head shook from side to side frenetically and he looked down. "I don't want to hear it… I don't want to see it… it burns… all over again… it burns… I want to leave… I want to be free… please release me… please I don't want to think anymore, I don't want to feel anymore, I just want an end…" His voice grew in volume and soon he was screaming, something that caught her off guard and made her flinch as she stared intrigued and irritated at the psychotic angel. "Let me go! Let me go! Please, let me go!"

Suddenly Meg was taken aback when she found herself being thrown across the place and she heard a piercing sound almost killing her eardrums. She fell brusquely on the ground on her back and soon recovered enough to look at the angel but her attention was dragged to the sound of the building shaking strongly and the rattling of the very few windows he hadn't broken before on the other parts of the old abandoned building. She tucked her head between her arms and pressed her hands tightly against her ears. She only hoped that Castiel didn't dare to blow up right now when she was so close and she didn't have a freaking clue of what could mean to her and kicked her ass inwardly for underestimating a damn crazy angel. But then the piercing sound ended and she heard the sound of something falling to the ground and she felt secure and confident enough to stand up and look around cautiously. Castiel was on his knees breathing heavily and with that fixed crazed look still but eyes filled with what it seemed tears. She chuckled mockingly and disgusted. _What a pitiful and pathetic creature you are_. She approached the angel and this one surprised her again when he stood up sensing her and glared at her with pained expression.

"This is your fault." He blamed on her with husky dead voice. Meg snorted furious at his accusation. "Demon."

"At least I'm happy with what I am. But you? Let me tell you something, _my friend_," She said sarcastically with disdain and a smirk of mockery. "You're not. What are you now, Clarence? You're not human, you're not an angel from heaven, and you're not a demon either. You're just a messed crazy angel trapped within a decaying human meat suit hated by heaven and wanted for torture for hell. You don't belong anywhere. And don't dare to blame me for your stupidities."

She started to laugh but Castiel stared at her strangely with angered and pained eyes and growling lowly he launched at her trying to suffocate her. Meg laughed between amuse and rage and easily fought him off stopping his attempt. They struggled strongly against each other but for the demon it was plenty clear that she had the upper hand all over again. The way Castiel wrestled against her it only made her laugh with scorn and mockery and glare at him with pity and disgust. The angel kept trying to hurt her but it was useless. Meg then punched him on the face strongly causing him to fall backwards on the ground. She smirked highly impressed and liking it.

"Well, well, finally you grew a pair, Clarence."

The angel glared at her and immediately gathering strength he stood up and slapped her hard on the face. Meg's face turned abruptly hurting and she stumbled but caught herself before hitting the ground. She felt her lower lip bleeding and turned at the angel perking eyebrows in amazement and a dangerous glint of true offense in her eyes. Enraged, she sniggered drying the blood away with the back of her hand. Castiel swayed in his place glaring at her with blank expression. The demon laughed out loud.

"That's how you pay the one taking care of you, you impotent prick? I guess you're just another ungrateful son of a bitch."

She punched at him again stronger this time and her fist connected with his nose. Castiel hissed in pain and again almost hit the ground but he caught himself barely. His nose was bleeding as his lips. The demon watched him trying to keep his balance and she laughed again with disdain and entertained sparking dark eyes. She approached him again and punched him several times on the face and the last one on the chest. At this, the angel doubled over wincing and grimacing in pain, hissing lowly, biting his lower lip to keep himself from screaming out loud. That only got her madder and she snickered maliciously. She wanted so bad to hear him screaming and begging her to stop just like he did with his hallucinations. Castiel tried to launch at her again but only succeeded in slapping her twice so strongly that Meg hit the ground this time but she got up immediately laughing her ass off with amusement. Her face felt sore and the slaps hurt more now than before because she had a damn symbol limiting her drawn on her lower back. That got her madder again, if it was possible, that it was of course, and smirking she kicked him on the chest sending him flying away some meters. She saw happily proud the angel falling hard on the ground and spiting blood. Her eyes filled with joy and delight. She walked with long strides towards the fallen angel who was breathing unevenly and watched him from above with despise and a gleeful face. Castiel coughed up more blood before he looked up and met her dark twinkling eyes. He already was looking like crap. She had punched him severely and his face was sporting the results. She smirked satisfied.

"That's all, my feathery child?"

She chuckled and fixed her venomous glare on his observant blue haunted eyes. Suddenly she was aware that his expression had changed and it had happened since moments ago, before she started to kick his ass. She didn't want to dwell on it before because frankly she was enjoying so much beating the crap out of the cheesy angel. But now as both stared at the other in silence she recognized the true emotion showing in those blue pools and painting the features of his handsome bloody face. She snorted annoyed inwardly. _Shit, feathers. I should have known it. _She bent over him narrowing her eyes at him with intrigued expression.

"Do you want punishment so bad, Clarence, so much to dare to piss off a demon?"

Castiel didn't answer and just averted his eyes. Meg didn't need a straight answer. She knew it. That was why he had attacked her, maybe the first time it was because he was having an episode of his lunacy, but this time it was different. He had attacked her to provoke her to fight back and beat him into a pulp. And she had fallen in his trap because she was a demon and she was a torturer, so she found delight in bringing it to anyone. That was right, she knew, but she felt a little pestered with him for using her this way and she wanted to kick her own ass for not noticing his little game. _The child knows how to play_. She grinned evilly and knelt down in front of him, the angel had pulled himself from the ground enough to sit down. The demon took his face by his chin with one hand and looked at him at the eye.

"Don't be ashamed to ask, sugar. Tell me, do you want me to keep punishing you? You just have to ask one time and you just have to say _stop_ one time and I'll obey each one. So, tell me, Clarence, how bad do you need this? How bad do you want this?"

The angel just meditated it a second before turning to face her tilting his head and looking desperate. His eyes jumped from one spot to another like if he couldn't keep them in one place and he didn't know how to handle whatever emotions dwelling within his diseased mind. He furrowed his brow and threw a pleading look at the demon and she understood and smiling nodded.

"Alright, my little angel."

So she complied with his silent petition and she waited for him to stand up and try to fight her. She knew that he wasn't really trying to and didn't understand why he even tried it, but she punched, slapped and kicked him without controlling her pleasure at doing it. It was good to do something like this after that crappy fight she had with the demon at the nuthouse. She had missed it. And she laughed every time the angel fell to the ground or coughed up blood and swayed like a drunken man. When he couldn't get up anymore and laid down on the dusty ground panting and wincing in pain, grimacing, Meg just wanted he to scream but she contained her own desire to keep going because after all she was the one who was going to clean up the mess and she couldn't deal with a horribly beaten Castiel around. She hit him hard, that was true but she was conscious that he was still an angel and somehow he was stronger than a human even in his current situation. And knowing perfectly that the angel wasn't going to beg for her to stop, not now yet, she stopped watching grinning happily satisfied at him kneeling by his side and running a hand softly through his hair. She was hurt too, but it was nothing comparing to what she had done to him. Castiel curled up and rested there trying to catch his breath with lost pained eyes. The demon looked at him still disgusted but feeling strangely good at patting his head.

"Come on, Clarence. We need to go."

She helped him to sit down first and he cringed when she touched him but didn't say anything like usual. He was in obvious searing pain especially from his already wounded chest. She waited a little moment giving him enough time to recover and then wrapped an arm around his waist to lift him up. Castiel slumped and fell against her resting his head on her shoulder. Meg rolled her eyes knowing that she was going to pick him up in bridal style to the car and to the room then. But what the hell, she had enjoyed it. She motioned for him to stand up ready to do it herself but the angel didn't respond and remained there. The demon felt his breathing against her neck and it gave her goose bumps that made her shudder in disgust but she sucked it up. She remembered she had enjoyed beating the crap out of the angel. Castiel's vessel suddenly started to shake slightly and she frowned confused and curious. Then she heard muffled and strangled noises coming from him and she scowled repulsively knowing that they meant he was kind of sobbing. The stupid angel was trying to not cry, of course. When she felt the wetness on her neck she suppressed her desire to throw him away and shake off the feeling it brought the angel's action and remained there stiffening and quiet as the mad angel tried on his own to suppress his desire to cry and the demon ignored the common thing a situation like this meant: comfort. And giving a hug she didn't dare to give.


	9. Observations

Hello reviewers, followers and those out there who like this little and simple story!

Thank you for making me go back to it and remember what I wanted to do with it.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you. This is for all of you.

And for Katherine2710 I don't know if you are still interested in being my beta. I hope for you to read this chapter and decide then! Either way I appreciate your kind offering ;) and just tell me about it, ok?

YOU ALL CAUSED THIS ONE :D and I hope that it is good and you still like the story so far, I know it took a lot of time for me to update and I had to read the whole story again to connect again and remember what I wanted to do with it. Luckily for me I remember now and I even have other ideas related to Meg and Castiel when this story is completed :) and seriously I hope this chapter at least to rise to your expectations.

THANK YOU and I see you soon if you're up to it :D!

**Chapter Nine "Observations"**

There was a _tiny little _moment when Meg wanted, _really _wanted, to leave the crazy angel there. While the minutes run late into the night and the only sounds he let out were the same muffled and strangled sobs, she strangely couldn't force herself to mock him in any way or push him away from her. And it turned worse when he suddenly grabbed her and his arms were around her rigid and nauseous meat suit, sensations born from her surprise and shock at the gooey action. She knew he was using her as a support and feeling _utterly _bothered she _let_ him this once. She stayed there with him quietly, sitting on her folded legs, which by the way were getting cramped, _thank you very much_, and with his head on her left shoulder, his face against the nape of her neck where she could felt his revolting tears falling and heavy breathing giving her the creeps all over. Castiel remained sitting there like a dead weight as her own meat suit was used as a wall for his body. She didn't dare to hug him back and her balled fists were tense resting on her lap. She couldn't find in herself the desire to comfort him either even when she knew that he needed it. But she was so damn pissed off with him and his stupid and childish behavior due to all the tiring and annoying day that she only wanted to smack him strongly, put him in the car and throw him on his bed. She wanted to go to a bar and have some fun to forget this awful and awkward moment. She wondered if she wasn't the crazy one for wanting to _help _the angel to vent out his feelings.

Anyway, she couldn't even begin to dream to do that now when she was sore all over. Trying to ignore the sobbing angel resting against her she distracted herself musing about the last time when she had felt so exhausted and pained. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy it. She had learned to enjoy bringing pain and to enjoy receiving pain. What _irked_ her now was precisely the thing about the _one _who had caused it all this time around. Meg didn't understand Castiel's game at first, she didn't think he could _have_ it in him now, _that manipulative, secretive_ _and ambivalent_ spark but she wasn't surprised either, he had learned to _lie, _to _hide_ things and say _half_-_truths_, just like the humans he _adored_so much did naturally like breathing when he made that deal with Crowley. The little winged boy wanted punishment so badly that it didn't matter what disguise this took and _from _whom it came. It didn't matter if it came in the form of harsh words and devastating facts, of useless fights and hurtful wounds. He was so anguished by his own decisions and actions that he didn't care if he needed to rile up and enrage her forcing Meg to kick his hot precious little ass. Before in the time when she wasn't screwed with the fucking weird tattoo in her lower back, she would have endured a fight a lot better than she was doing it now and that besides the fact of being _Clarence the Martyr_ the one who had put her in this position made this strikingly _warped_ and _special_. Despite everything and foremost her complaining the result had been quite _worthy _to achieve. Watching the pitiable angel picking and throwing rocks and breaking into oblivion the glass from the windows, angered and confused, saddened and aching, it had been so _deliciously thrilling and exciting_ for her. For gaining that she could forgive his _idiotic little game_, his _futile and weak _attempt at fighting her and not knowing the _dirty little secret _he and Lisa Braeden shared _yet_. She couldn't help to take pleasure and _savor _every time he punched, kicked and slapped her, every time he counterattacked her movements and every time he broke her skin and her weakened meat suit bled. All those _pretty little things_ were _sweet caresses for her_. The bruises his hands and fists had left were _gentle battle scars _not permanent in her _borrowed_ body but memorable in her inner self, burning traces left behind in beautiful blue and black paint. Every time she punched, kicked and slapped him it had been _wonderfully_ _liberating_ and in some twisted and stimulating way so close to being kissing him fiercely until his lips would have been swollen and were melted on hers.

However the _rare__ thing _about this was that some _tiny little _part of her felt horrendously _awkward and restless _with the entire situation at hand. There was some _sizzling_ feeling walking strangely on her physical skin and awakening and touching her unnatural _nerves_ and she didn't like it and she didn't understand it. So she blamed it on the nearness of the broken insane angel and his freaking _bright_ nature. Meg blamed on him the way her chest felt heavier at his miserable sight and the noticeable absence of her sharp dark tongue and snarky taunting words.

Rolling her eyes tiredly she waited for Castiel to stop his corny and _sugary_ sobbing and sighed deeply looking distantly at the surrounding area. His sobbing was slowly stopping with every deep and shaky breath he took and his meat suit soon wasn't trembling so hard as before. In their complicit silence, the demon couldn't help to feel uneasy with the _freaking vibe _in the air. She hadn't wanted the whole experiment to end with the cheesy angel crying on her shoulder and _hugging her_, at least not hugging her because of this and not because of the _funny_ and _uncomplicated_ way she wanted _him hugging_ _her_. This was _way over _her original plan. She would rather have the angry and struggling Castiel than the sobbing and broken Castiel. _It was your idea, so you have to deal with it; _she chastised herself in spite of her own disgust and discomfort with the outcomeof the _angel's anger management_. It had been half and half, it seemed, one half satisfying her obscure desire to see the angel suffering at her feet by her own doing and the other half twitching uncomfortable seeing the angel baring his feelings openly in front of her in form of pained tears and needy comfort that she wasn't going to give and couldn't handle.

So taking all this in account she was astounded and shocked when she found her _own_ damn right hand patting uncomfortably the angel's back. Hissing through seethed teeth and clenching her jaw repulsed with herself, her own stupefied and amazed expression couldn't have been more discordant in comparison to the regrettable gesture from her part. Castiel wasn't sobbing anymore and was quiet as a tomb breathing softly over her neck's skin giving her odd running shivers. She felt him getting conscious about what happened and especially what _he _had done. She could guess it from the way his body stiffened little by little and how he didn't dare to look her in the eye yet. His arms that had been embracing her desperately during his short breakdown slowly softened their strength and were there barely surrounding casually her meat suit. She caught him drying his closed eyes with the back of his hand watching him by the corner of her entertained gleaming eyes. _This is a creepy and unusual predicament to be. I wonder which one of us feels more out of place now. _She remembered her own disobedient and damn rebel hand and stopped her patting brusquely trying to stay pestered at the angel for the trouble he caused her. Her hand went back _eerily_ to her side resting on her lap once again as Castiel inhaled and exhaled air like if he hadn't been breathing before.

She could have spent more time dealing and musing this but without warning she felt something strange _shifting _in the nocturnal atmosphere and it wasn't Castiel's closeness this time. She narrowed her eyes watching discreetly through shadows and the last dying daylight and she could have sworn then that there was _someone else _with them, observing in silence. And the thing that she didn't like at all was the fact that she _could_ _felt_ it in spite of her current state. So the presence, whoever it was, didn't mind that either of them or both could know about it or _deliberately _was showing itself off with subtle wish to do so.

"Someone is watching us."

Meg listened to the husky and deep voice of the angel and wasn't surprised that he had felt it too. Probably he was in a better position to do it. The demon nodded still piercing the falling darkness with her inquisitive eyes and calm expression but inwardly irritated scowl. Castiel looked up in all his seriousness and _business's face_ and discreetly as her looked around knitting his eyebrows and searching for whatever it was alerting his _angelic radar_, Meg guessed. The angel finally let her go and the demon was aware that he was fighting against his own mind just by glancing at his blue haunted eyes. He was making an effort to stay in the moment. Both stood up quietly and softly and kept staring at the other like if they were _chatting nicely _and piercing distractedlyat their surroundings for a while. The _thing_, whatever it was, was still there, like if it was taunting them with their inability to find it or really see it. Or perhaps it hadn't noticed that they were aware of it if it had fallen in their trap of discretion and acting. Meg then knew that she needed to put things in perspective and order priorities. She couldn't be now infuriated with the dorky angel when she needed him to protect both of them. She hadn't forgotten her cursed limitations and even when Castiel wore a tattooed sigil somehow blocking his magical shit, he could access to his _fairy dust_ to protect her. She could fight; she wasn't going to go down like some idiotic and boring damsel in distress. She could be later all angry with him and have revenge if she wanted it. So she smirked with scheming eyes and pulled Castiel towards her grabbing him by his jacket. The angel stared at her for the first time since his humiliating meltdown confused and stressed. It was obvious to Meg that he didn't want to look her in the eye yet by the way he seemed uncomfortable and somehow _beautifully funny_ in his shame. His body was all tensed up.

"Chill out, Clarence." She whispered seductive looking up at his distraught and earnest face. "Let's keep pretending we didn't notice it, alright?" Meg then gave him a quick and playful kiss on the lips. "Let's see if it follows us. So pretend we're watching around because we want to do _nasty _and _dirty_ things and we don't know if here is the best place to get in the other's pants."

Castiel seemed to give a second thought at her reasoning. She could observe perfectly his unease, dislike, stress and worry about the whole thing and she found _adorably _sexy his reaction at her choice of words. His body was so stiff it could have been broken like a stick. She sniggered secretly. But he soon stoically followed her lead and with creased brow pulled Meg into his arms totally surprising her and embraced her strong and tight causing the demon to almost lose her balance if he wouldn't have grabbing her. She smirked childishly finding fun in it and the angel reacted tilting his head in that way that was _so Castiel,_ and landing his lips on her left cheek smoothly and close to her own longing lips he rubbed gingerly her cheek with his nose. The _sickening _cuteness and _awkwardly _inexperience of his movement amused her greatly and confused her enough to look perplexed this time. Usually he was the one looking like that.

Meg recovered quickly from it and ignoring the little moment swayed her meat suit along with his playfully grinning and chuckling, keeping subtle watch just like surely Castiel was doing in his comically sweet and embarrassed act of someone getting ready to make out and probably getting laid. Still acting like a fucking horny teenager she pulled away from him and took his right hand leading the way back to their car. The angel followed suit her perfectly acting despite his common weirdness in general and both strolled with long strides along the dusty ground till they reached their destination. Still pretending they climbed into the car and Meg immediately took the steering wheel and started the machine glancing back through the rear-view mirror discreetly with faked calm and happy expression. Castiel on his part was looking _distractedly_ tranquil and taciturn through his window back at the old and empty building with mild interest. When they were finally on the road and she noticed that at least no car was following them she sighed between tiredness and annoyance. She had thought that they had some sort of advantage after escaping the _mental palace_ but obviously whoever was behind all was chasing them and was pretty good at it. Thinking that maybe they were always watched since their fleeing caused her fury but especially worry to build up in tidal waves. _This isn't looking good_.

"I apologize for not noticing it before."

Meg looked askance still pensive and scowling at the angel with intrigue. There was that _something _in his blue eyes telling her that he was making a big effort to stay in reality and put aside in whatever way he could the madness and guilt raging within his exhausted and shredded mind. He was staring ahead totally in his former role of _angel soldier_ and by the way he was picking fidgety at one of his jacket's sleeve, Meg was sure he was still feeling ashamed and humiliated for his actions back at the desolated and crumpling building. She would be it if it was the other way around. Probably her pride would have been shattered and her _good name _would have been destroyed if she had some sort of mental breakdown in front of any damn and noisy cloud hopper. She half smiled with taunting dark eyes.

"Look at you Clarence. You hadn't fled to crazy town. Good for you."

The sarcasm was dripping dangerously with her unforgettable anger at the feathery ass on the passenger's seat. She had set her priorities and that was true and she knew what was important now, nevertheless that didn't mean that her smart brain would let go of it so easily. Castiel shifted uneasy on his seat lowering his eyes thoughtful. She basked in it like some sunflower drinking the sun's light. _You are so pretty when you're so vulnerable, hot stuff._

"I'm… sorry for what happened there." He paused and shocked his head and Meg knew that it was more a reaction to some crappy thing happening inside his head than not knowing what to say. "I didn't want to involve you in any way and less cause you more trouble than the one I giving you. You were right back at the hotel. I'm just a job and you're doing it the best way you could, I can say that. No matter what reasons drove you to accept Dean and Sam's petition to take care of me you're taking care of me. It won't happen again."

The demon remained caught off guard and blank mind due to two reasons in fact. First one, the angel was talking perfectly and in the minutes she was listening to his little speech, she almost forgot that he was partially insane. Second one, the angel in question had turned to stare at her in that intense, odd and peculiar way he stared at anyone and he wasn't _looking daggers_ at her and he wasn't just saying it only for the sake of their particular situation and forced relationship. His bare sincerity was clearly seen through his tired and old eyes despite his grave seriousness and apparent nagging little disagreement to stay with her, she supposed, after all, she felt it too, plenty told to her in his facial expression. They were together in this against their will at the mere end. If they could have chosen she was pretty sure that neither of them had chosen this, right?

"I'm not ungrateful. I _don't _want to be ungrateful."

He added turning his eerie eyes back to the front and on the road. Meg chuckled ironically and went on driving glancing back at him and at the road from time to time with perfect synchrony.

"You think I'm doing my job the best I can, _love_?"

"Yes." His quick answer threw her off balance strangely. This wasn't the first time in the short moment they were together after his meltdown and it _nagged _her. Her eyebrows shot up curiously. Castiel wasn't even looking at her. "I don't know if any other demon would have gone these lengths to keep me away from harm's way even if it was part of a deal. I recognize that."

Meg nodded thinking and not really knowing what to say to that. And _again _she was speechless thanks to _feathers hot pants_. And it _nagged _her once more. But going into the deep of his words Meg could get the truth when she put aside her own weird observations. The mere fact bore naked between both right now was to know that the corny angel _trusted _in her and that took her aback not expecting it to occur _ever_ even in a small amount. But now she knew that in some sort of weird form Castiel _trusted _in her at least partially concerning their current situation and the deal she had done with _Moose_ and _Squirrel_, according to Crowley's appreciation of the Winchesters. _Not bad for a fucking prick like Crowley_. He knew that she was aware of what was at stake for both on the long run and that they were together in this. After a long pause in rare quietness, especially coming for someone as _forthcoming_ as Meg, Castiel watched her for a short moment by the corner of his eyes stoic as always and Meg of course, _felt it perfectly_. When didn't she feel his eyes on her? She couldn't explain it and guessed it was probably the angel and demon thing.

"Do I have something in my face, Clarence?"

She asked controlling her annoyance and gathering with all her might the patience she had forced to grow within her since she was around the lunatic choir boy. Castiel blinked impossibly slow, _a feat that gave her the creeps by the way_, and then his eyes drifted away from her for some seconds. Then his piercing look was on her again and Meg could see his inner fight taking shape in the details of his haunted and tortured blue orbs. She smirked tense and trying to look calm and entertained with the possibility of what could happen if the angel lost the battle when in fact she wasn't feeling calm at all and much less entertained. She didn't want to drag a crackpot angel again.

"You're not going to blow up again, do you? Or lose your mind, right?"

He shook his head and turned to face the road once more trying to relax in his seat breathing profoundly and keeping his weary and unblinking eyes on the ceiling. Meg studied him silently with narrowed dark eyes trying to understand his state of mind and mood. Till now he was doing fine, in fact, he was better that she had expected it after her little experiment and she supposed that maybe the thing about being followed had _focused_ somehow the soldier inside the worn out angel. _Better for us, anyway. _Soon they were going to be in the town again and they would have to pack their things and quickly take care of their _battle wounds_. They couldn't stay there more time even when she wanted to rest a while. They couldn't afford a chance to be caught just because she wasn't feeling strong as always and the angel looked like crap due to her kicking easily his ass. They needed to be on the road and probably in some hours they would find a safe spot to rest a while. She relaxed her aching body too driving calmly and wondering about the one behind this stupid persecution. Whoever it was had fed her up. She was going to rip it apart _delightfully_ and with all her willing and wanting, _oh yes_. She couldn't help to wonder about this whole stupid stuff. Why weren't they followed right now? This seemed like a fucking damn game where they didn't know the rules to play it right. Were they followed by Leviathans, Angels, Demons or Hunters? She sighed thinking what possibility could be the worst for them to fight and if she wasn't pondering in other theories she couldn't picture in the moment. Castiel was surely a _powerful and praiseful _thing to have in hands despite his unstable mental state. An angel was _way over the top_ for any creature walking on Earth or _down there_. And of course, _upstairs _he was wanted too. On the other hand, she maybe wasn't as _important _as him but she had her enemies and some could get advantage or revenge having her. She stopped her train of thought that wasn't leading her anywhere because it wasn't the time to lose sight of priorities and they were arriving at the town anyway and out of the blue she felt a soft tugging at her jacket and without losing attention on the road she glanced down frowning curiously at the pressure she felt there.

She stared unblinking at Castiel's hand which was casually holding onto her by grabbing a little part of her jacket in, _what she could only think of_, some _weird_ reassurance's act or some cheesy thing like that. Meg looked up at him astonished in spite of her supposed _expectations_ concerning the odd angel's common behavior and found him with his eyes totally closed unmoving in his seat. Slowly like if she had been caught with her hand on the cookie jar, she turned her attention back at the road facing the lights of the approaching town and not dwelling in the eeriness of it because now she somehow understood that as much as she needed him for some or other reason, the angel _needed_ _her_ too in his warped and delusional world for some or other reason. The problem was that she didn't like it and she couldn't understand the reason behind that dislike. She blamed it on the fact that he was an angel _again_ and she a demon and it was the natural order of things to feel aversion towards the other and find any interaction between them like a lethal allergy that attracted and repulsed according to the situations. _And this one definitely repulses me as hell_. But secretly she knew that if this _compelled _understanding between Castiel and she went both ways it could be _more productive_ in this strange partnership they had _shared_ along the way. If he needed her too then that meant that he wasn't going to abandon her or hurt her at least _consciously_ and not to mention kill her, just like she wasn't going to do it either. Ironically she remembered telling him that she was _all _he had right now and she couldn't explain to herself why _then_ it had made her feel so sickly satisfied and wittedly proud knowing it. However, _now_ when she thought about it her chest felt lighter than ever.

* * *

><p>Leaving the hotel took more time that she had wanted. At the just end it was her own fault, she had followed Castiel's pathetic game of self-punishment and they both were hurt and dirty because of that and it meant more time in the bathroom washing away blood and dirt from their meat suits and treating wounds and injuries before being really ready to keep going. Of course, the dumb angel was being difficult and <em>prude <em>(something Meg couldn't get after the time they had spent together and she had taken care of his body's basic necessities) and he didn't agree in doing the washing and treating at the same time with her. She wouldn't have minded and it would have made her crappy day a better one if he would have seen her completely naked for the first time (_oh_, how _much_ she _wanted_ to see _his_ reaction, the _amusing_ _physical _reaction) but they didn't have the freaking time to play silly games. She couldn't win in his stupid discussion about _privacy _and not _needing her _to help him so she didn't know how she had some patience left to not simply smack him and just let him be on his own devices then. So she sighed deeply and swallowed her growing pent up anger writing down _this _mentally on her list of things the whacko angel have to pay her back somehow. She spied outside through the window hiding behind the curtains looking for any sign that it could give away that they were going to be ambushed or something like worse than that and used the little _unnatural perception_ she had now as survival instincts. Castiel did the same in his own _angelic way _while she was the one occupied and finally after the _conspiratorial_ silence between both and some monosyllables in hushed murmurs they were on the road again. Meg kept a secure and strong hold on the steering wheel not really wanting to drive in the middle of the night but she couldn't stop. Castiel soon was soundly sleeping on his seat and she wanted to _literally_ kill him for being able to do so but she knew that it was better that the nutcase grass hopper was unconscious anyway. Back on the hotel's room, she noticed once more how hard he was trying to keep his mind clear and his insanity at bay and how it was getting more difficult as the time went by. She didn't dare to suggest him to take the pills, she wasn't sure if they were good now for him or not and she _wanted_ to think that he _knew_ what it was best for him after he had told her that he didn't want to trouble her _more_ than he _already_ had done. _Surely that's going to last an hour_, she thought sarcastically rolling her eyes, knowing that it was probably more expected from the angel to start acting lunatic and out of his mind soon. _I don't have a freaking idea what I'm going to do if you start acting like a china doll again or if you have a fucking seizure or start blowing up just like that. _She mused quietly watching from time to time the sleeping angel on the passenger's seat. _Or what can I do if you simply start acting stranger than your usual weird and weirder self._ She narrowed her tired eyes fixing them on the dark road while she drove at a steady _normal _speed. The least they needed was the police chasing them for her careless driving skills.

* * *

><p>Meg came back to her senses hours later when she felt something warm and brilliant hitting her on the face. Her eyes were tightly closed and she was cozy and cuddled up in an uncomfortable seat. Something was wrapping her up quite softly and nicely and she didn't feel cold. She wrinkled her nose and squeezed her closed eyes disgusted by the annoying thing on her face and took a deep breath trying to sleep again.<p>

That was until she remembered the day before.

The demon blinked rapidly and opened her dull eyes largely looking around still dazed and sleepy. It was early in the morning, she could tell by the light of the sun filling the car. She was sore from sleeping like that and wanted so badly to get out from the fucking car and stretch her aching meat suit. Soon she remembered that she had stopped driving to rest a while parking the car on one somehow safe spot beside the road and had fallen asleep without really wanting it. Glancing around distractedly Meg was then startled when she noticed that the _thing_ wrapping her up was Castiel's jacket, formerly Chase's, and then her fixed look focused in the angel in question who was on the passenger's seat still sleeping and with his head tilted to his left side half facing her. He had a hand resting on top of one of her forearms in the same way he had grabbed before a fistful of her jacket, in an act of reassurance and _not given freely_ comfort. His body seemed relaxed even when he was wearing an obvious and expected tortured frown. _Always the martyr, Clarence_. Meg took her time in analyzing every detail of his handsome face wondering for the first time with genuine curiosity how the angel really looked beyond that yummy chosen flesh and underneath the human disguise containing his absurdly brilliant core. She had asked herself this since she had known that angels had _descended _to Earth and much more when she had met Castiel in that now faraway day. The angel had been trapped inside a circle of holy fire and she had ended burned because of him. She smirked secretly not really liking to remember that. She had wanted so much to hunt and kill the winged prick then. _How things change so ironically. Look at us now, darling, thrown together into this mess and needing the other to survive_. She kept staring at him in silence for a long moment with thoughtful expression and not really understanding why she felt suddenly jealous of Chase's capacity to _see _at least in some extent Castiel's true visage. She shook her head inwardly chuckling due to her own senseless bizarre thoughts regarding the fallen angel. Probably it was because it was _unfair_. He could clearly see her true face but she wouldn't do it ever. _I couldn't ever imagine watching you sleeping so trustfully beside a demon. But I guess I didn't see ever myself in the picture either. _She had been able to feel and to touch his invisible wings and she didn't know if she could do it now when Castiel was more responsive to the outside world. She even doubted that he remembered that time. _If only I could command you Clarence… you would be my perfect shield and killing sword. _Her eyes darkened and glimpsed maliciously at the sight of the ignorant angelic vessel sleeping beside her. _I could sleep better knowing that Crowley was smitten finally, baby. _She sighed and blinked her useless thoughts away knowing it was pointless to keep thinking like that right now. The weight of the jacket's soft material concentrated her again and she frowned at the _gentle gesture _from the angel towards her. She looked down glaring at the jacket still wrapping her like if she wanted to set it in hellish fire with her mere glare. Why the hell had he done it? It wasn't that she didn't need it because she felt really good with it covering her meat suit but the whole gesture profoundly bothered her, it was irritating and riling her up. She wasn't some sort of stupid useless human girl who needed an _angel_ sort of _gentleman wannabe_ to care for her even if she considered attractive that _angel_ and she desired to do him just for morbid interest and have the experience, to claim to the world that she had _deliciously_ fucked an angel being her what she was, right? _Right. Right. Right._

She couldn't remember a single time when someone, male or female, had done something so… sickly sweet for her when she wasn't behind the scenario for it due to some scheme of hers. _If you really hate so much to have the fucking jacket warming you, why don't you let it go? _An inner nagging voice in the back of her fuming brain that sounded perfectly like hers with mockery (_I wonder if I sound like that to others, probably that's why they don't stand me, _she thought sniggering) caught her off guard and she pushed the damn item away from her hissing annoyed and throwing it towards the sleeping angel who woke up startled by the unexpected action and blinked glancing around with large, sleepy and confused eyes. Meg chuckled at his disheveled appearance and untidy hair. _Sexy and sexier_.

"You need that more than me, Clarence." Meg chimed in starting the machine and trying to look _sickly flattered _and _amused _by his gesture. Inwardly she remained debating with herself trying to figure out why it had bothered her so much and why she didn't want Castiel to know it. Surprisingly she felt _indeed _amused and flattered under that bothering irritation, _very_ _under_ in fact when she thought about it profoundly for a second time. "You were very _sweet _giving it to me, but it was unnecessary, _love_."

"You looked very tired." Castiel simply said looking at her in his common serious glory for a moment and shifting in his seat into a better position. "I was just trying to help you to take care of me and thank you for it." His last sentence sounded so innocently sincere and he was facing her with those large blue eyes and confounded and solemn expression and Meg was speechless _again_. She wasn't _freaking_ speechless since a long time ago in so many damn situations. It was the solemnity of his expression and posture even inside a triviality like a car was that strangely connected them then in that moment. She was sure that she was looking back at him proudly daring, playfully smirking and darkly confident. They both stared at the other and suddenly the demon knew that they were recognizing and remembering the fact of who the one sitting _really_ was on the other seat, _beyond the flesh and underneath the human disguise. _They weren't friends, of course, and unluckily for her they weren't _bed buddies_, but they were _partners in crime_ in this little accidental adventure. She couldn't help to wonder when Castiel had stopped _seeing_ her only as an abomination and if he truly had. Was he playing a game again taking in account her weak state and limited power? If their situation was reversed, would he stay with her? Or even more important, would she accept it? _That's an interesting question, my friend_. "I won't do it again. It seems that you didn't like it."

The angel interrupted her loud secret mind and his voice brought Meg back from her reverie. She smiled naughtily and looking intensely at the angel in that way that she knew that it made him disconcerted and nervous. _So pretty, Clarence_. Castiel looked a little embarrassed and possibly he felt unable to understand her. This improved a_ lot _her obscure mood and rare thinking since she had opened her cursed eyes from comfy sleep. But she was aware that he looked like _crap _also with his skin paler and his purple eyelids and black rings surrounding his eyes. _That's not good at all, choir boy_. Either way both looked _awful _after their little fight and it was going to take them some time to heal.

"You can thank me in _other more pleasuring or productive way_."

She wiggled her eyebrows coquettish and smiling seductively. Castiel soon looked his _usual_ baffled face and then he seemed seriously scandalized and _cutely _ashamed like he used to when she acted like this and Meg oddly felt relieved at it. She laughed tauntingly returning her sight to the road and starting to drive with a little satisfied grin drawn in her face. After some minutes on the road and when she had finished sniggering and sensing his eyes throwing daggers at her, the demon still felt his hand now grabbing part of her jacket softly in the same annoying and weird form like he had done it twice before. Intrigued she frowned upon the childish act and looked at him askance.

"Why do you keep doing that, _sweetheart_?" She asked genuinely curious and staring at him like if he had grown a second head with plain mockery. Castiel glimpsed at her briefly before staring at the front letting his eyes lose themselves in the boring road. He tensed and opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. So the demon was left with an angel gaping and acting totally awkward and weird. Or more awkward and weirder, in Castiel's case, contrary to the _normal_, or sort of normal Castiel she knew. And he didn't let go of his grip on her jacket by the way. "You didn't do that before"

She stopped her tongue and mind realizing what she was planning to say. _Before your anger management, dear_. That had been her thought almost spoken out loud. She wondered if something occurred then besides the _obvious _and what she had been able to see. Was his breakdown involved with this childish and corny gesture? Why did he seek reassurance in this pathetic way? Did he think that she was going to leave him finally? At least now being with the handsome and feathery nutcase wasn't boring like she expected at first. But that didn't mean that she felt frustrated, intrigued and amused by his complex and odd actions. _Half and half, always with you, Clarence, it seems it's always like this._ Was it because he was an angel and she a demon? If she was with any other annoying cloud hopper, would she feel the same or it was just because this one was her Clarence? _Or it is precisely because you're just Clarence even if you lost your fluffy wings and shining halo_, she mused inwardly.

"You're an anchor."

Out of the blue he said surprising Meg in her silent thinking. She perked an amused eyebrow locking her dark eyes on him for a second and away from the empty road while her expression was intrigued and amused. Castiel was staring at the front with distracted and old exhausted eyes. For a little moment neither said anything until the demon chuckled trying to handle the way she felt wickedly basking in satisfaction and pride and in the other side, of course, how she felt somehow restless and uneasy about that. _Jeez, with you everything is damn fucking complicated, wings. _She sighed secretly with a half smirk decorating her frowned and thoughtful face. The angel apparently caught her mood because he looked at her askance from time to time in what Meg could guess was a way to measure her reaction. Nevertheless he didn't seem tense or stiff sitting there and his posture just kept that cursed _divine dignity _he always had when he was in his _solemn role of angel _not minding if he was high or low.

"I see… was I always _your anchor, pretty thing?"_

"No." He cut in quietly with that husky voice that caused her to feel week on her knees when it was used by his _scholar's side or any side_. _Here comes his explanative speech_. "When you took me to that building and helped me to vent out my anger" Castiel paused after mouthing every word like if he was finding the human meaning of them in his unfathomable mind. "After that" The angel paused once more and Meg was aware of his shame for his meltdown displayed in front of her reflected in the softened blush coloring his pale cheeks. "When we were so close somehow I realized that the only thing keeping me in the real world was your presence."

_Oh._

"Why is that different from the time we already spent _cuddling _together back at the mental ward?"

Meg genuinely asked interested and curious trying to let aside what he had said in that little speech and how it make her feel. _It's the same over and over, endlessly_. Castiel seemed to ponder her question and blinked tiredly a couple of times before answering and slumping a little on his seat. Meg was reminded again that he wasn't at his best and he was doing a great effort and a lot of hell better than he was back at the mental institution. She knew that she needed to take care of him soon and be more prepared for it even if it ended maddening and frustrating her. She had to do it despite Castiel _maddening and frustrating her_. It was _the job _just like he had told her before.

"I think it's a combination of circumstances." He started thoughtful and with his eyes drifting through the scenery surrounding them. "The demon who affected you. The way we had to flee from there. This journey that was so unexpected." Here Meg was quite sure that he was remembering their encounter with Lisa Braeden by the way his blue eyes looked hinted with his internal torment. The old burning sensation she felt when she thought in the woman hit her again in a subtle form and she sighed deeply trying to dispel the unexplainable and crazy effect it had on her. It was useless and bothering, nothing more coming from her _noising and meddling side_. "But I believe that it was your blood mixing with mine when you carved the sigil on my chest."

Meg remained quiet and listening to him really interested in his tale. From time to time she glanced at him by the corner of her dark eyes and begging that he took her silence as a way to keep talking about it. She wasn't sure if Castiel understood that, of course, and she stopped herself from rolling her eyes exasperated before keeping her face calm and her eyebrows knitting in curiosity. _Hey, it was her blood he was talking about. And the way he said it sounded so… thrilling to her…_

"When we were in that place I wasn't forced to interact with the world. But then all this happened. And when I suggested to you the sigil and the use of your blood in it I didn't consider that it could serve as a connection to keep me grounded." Castiel sighed tiredly lowering his eyes for a moment. Then he looked up but never stared at her. He kept talking seriously about the issue. "I just thought that your blood will put off my healing for a while to maintain the sigil functioning. I noticed that it worked too as an anchor when I… lose my mind for a moment back there." _Lose your mind for a moment? _Meg mused chuckling inwardly but leaving him to have a little dignity left and not _call it _as what it had really been. "I could have hurt you very badly." He added and the demon swallowed thinking in the real meaning behind that. "I could have smote you unintentionally if it wasn't that I had your blood in me. I hadn't left it to dissolve completely but sooner or later probably I'll need another sigil to prevent me from harming anything or anyone. It was like I was reminded that I wasn't alone there and I promised to myself to not destroy anything else… I've already destroyed a lot. Later I probed that if I kept a physical contact with any part of your presence it was stronger. It's helping me a little to handle my damaged mind."

"So basically _I'm your anchor _to keep you away from exploding or going fucking nuts? That's why you truly realized that we need each other. You should have told me, Clarence. I don't like not knowing what the hell is going on when we're in danger of being smitten soon."

She said with velvety voice and smirking happily despite her anger and annoyance for his muteness about it. But the important thing here was that this whole partnership was cemented in an unavoidable truth: she needed him to protect her and he needed her to keep him focused. Castiel nodded once with determination and stern expression.

"I apologize for not telling you. I didn't think you were going to give it importance because you don't worry about me if I'm remembering correctly. I suppose I was mistaken."

Meg turned to him almost breaking her neck in the process with narrowed eyes fuming in anger and taken aback at the obnoxious angel's words. Her lips formed in a tight and forced little smile. She found him already staring at her intensely with that stupid and unblinking piercing eyes and taciturn semblance, totally calm and honest. She thought he would look arrogant or pretentious by the way he had worded his thoughts to answer to her but it seemed she was wrong. Had she lost the way she could easily read him and what to expect from him? _Damn, clever child…_

"By the way I said you were an anchor, not my anchor."

He told her still facing her in the same form and looking sincere in his innocent speech. Meg curiously felt that somehow he seemed more secured and confident sitting there by her side just like when he had confronted her back at the old building, shining power and authority but not in a battle sort of way, just the old Castiel before Sam and his broken wall. _I guess Clarence has his ways and I mine to look imposing. I'll give you that, feathery friend. I prefer it than your china doll disguise._

"Really? I don't see a difference."

She asked furrowing her brow and looking collected with a little smirk and intense daring eyes. Somehow his statement made her feel _pestered and belittled. _Then she pondered why it bothered her so much when the _dumb tree toppers _always wanted to make her own _people _to feel like that.

"I think I could have had other anchors, important places, things and persons to help me out."

He said calmly and still staring at her and for a moment Meg felt that she had possibly been right in her assessment about the tone of his voice before. _Arrogant and pretentious pigeon._ She snickered hiding her anger and facing him wondering if it wasn't that he was trying her somehow. _Smart ass_. She opened her mouth and before she could answer him back with some snarky and clever commentary suddenly a bright light blinded them from the front and both turned quickly to face it while Meg hissing furiously and smacking her head inwardly tried to get out from the road but it was too late. The last she heard was their car impacting with what it seemed like another car and she almost lost consciousness after her head hit strongly the steering wheel. She barely looked panicked at Castiel and only saw blurredly his concerned and surprised face and large serious eyes before everything went black.


End file.
