Once and Again foolish games

_Author's notes: I want to say a huge thank you to yall for reading and thanks so much for the replies you've posted! I have quite a few more Eli and Grace fics as well as other Once and Again stories I've written or that I am in the process of writing! This story takes place just after the Tough Love episode in Season Three. I own nothing from the show Once and Again nor do I own any part of the song Foolish Games...I am simply a huge fan of both and both inspired me! Thanks again so much for reading!!_

She couldn't take it. Grace ran upstairs to her room and slammed her door. She didn't care that there were people downstairs expecting her to be the perfect host, the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect stepsister. Those last words made her choke as she realized she was never the perfect stepsister. How could she be when she thought she was in love with him? Normal girls don't fall in love with their older stepbrothers and convince themselves he could love in return. He knows nothing of love. She was convinced he knew nothing of real love anyway. She walked to her window to shut the curtain when she froze.

There he was, standing outside in the rain she'd been caught in moments earlier. She silently watched as he tore his coat away from his body and threw it on the ground. He lowered his head and raised his hands to his eyes. He left them there a moment before running them through his now drenched hair. He threw his head back, his eyes tightly shut, as though he were trying to block out the world, the same way she was hiding in her room trying to block everything happening in her life.

He was soaked. He meant to be out there. He meant to risk his health and didn't care if he ended up sick. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore. She sighed and wished she could find the Eli he used to be, the Eli she'd first been drawn to, the Eli that gave a damn. She once thought she knew him, the real Eli, the one nobody else could see or wanted to see. Lately she was convinced he is just the shell of the man she wanted to love, the man she was half certain she loved already.  
  
**_GRACE B&W_**

_"How could he so casually walk through the door and nonchalantly throw his arm over my shoulder as though it were the most natural thing in the world for him to do? How could he have the nerve to simply apologize for not being there as he'd promised with no explanation in one breath and ask if I needed help in the next like nothing was wrong?"_

Grace watched Eli a while longer as though her body were frozen to the spot. She wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling, what made him stand out there so long. She finally tore herself away from the window and threw herself on the bed, not bothering to undress, closing her eyes, praying sleep would overtake her but she knew it wouldn't come soon. Her mother knocked on the door wanting Grace to go back to the party. She lied saying she wasn't feeling well and to give the guests her apologies. Her little sister knocked on her door asking if Grace would mind her hiding some cake to have the next day. Grace yelled at her to go away. She was almost asleep when she heard another light knock on her door. She was quiet and hoped whoever it was would give up and go away. Another knock met with more silence. The doorknob turned and Grace sat up in bed flinging her legs over the edge. He stood silently, dripping wet in her doorway.  
  
_'You took your coat off and stood in the rain You were always crazy like that And I watched from my window Always felt I was outside looking in on you You were always the mysterious one With dark eyes and careless hair, You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care' _

"What?" she whispered angrily.

He said nothing.

"You're just going to stand there, not saying a word, dripping wet, and keeping me from sleep?" Grace sighed and waited for him to say something, anything.

"I'm wet because I was outside in the rain. I couldn't stand it inside any longer with your friends, your teacher. I felt better in the rain which was actually warmer on my skin than anything in this house ever was." He spat the words across the room to Grace hoping she didn't realize the drops still sliding down his face were tears and not rain. He had no right to be angry with her but he couldn't prevent the anger from escaping. He should be yelling at her teacher considering he was really the one Eli hated that night. He hated Mr. Dimitri and he hated himself but he couldn't admit that to Grace either.

"That's it? That's all you have to say to me tonight?"

"I apologized already for not seeing your play."

"Yes, thank you so much for your apology and the wonderfully expressed explanation you gave with it. Go away Eli. Get out. Go to your room in the garage, I'm sure you have someone to tend to." She lay down in her bed once again, turning her back to him as she covered herself up. She could no longer stop the tears that now flowed freely down her flushed cheeks and waited patiently for the sound of the door closing and the footsteps retreating down the stairs. The sounds came and went as Grace drifted off into a fitful sleep.  
  
_'Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say Besides some comment on the weather Well in case you failed to notice, In case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees These foolish games are tearing me apart You thoughtless words are breaking my heart You're breaking my heart'_  
  
Eli stumbled into the house the next morning completely exhausted. He didn't sleep. He couldn't get comfortable enough and he wasn't certain if it was because he'd stood in the rain and might be getting sick or if it was because of the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach screaming at him that once again he'd hurt Grace. He'd hoped the rain would wash away his pain and instead it simply washed away the barriers that had been hiding what was inside his heart.

He heard Lily and Grace having one of their intellectual discussions he never quite understood while Jessie and Zoe sat at the table eating. Grace was trying to bring Jessie into the conversation, which Eli guessed was because she was tired of talking to her mother. Nevertheless, Grace wouldn't go so far to tell her mother something like that. She would never say the things to Lily that he had said to his own mother.

"Mornin E." Rick spoke as he entered the kitchen. He said hello to the rest of the family, gave Lily a kiss on her cheek and whispered in her ear before walking out the door. Eli wanted to find love like that. He turned and looked at Grace who was now sitting at the table eating cereal. He felt the familiar flutter in his stomach but now that feeling was overshadowed by the ache in his heart.

Lily touched Eli's arm. "Would you like something to eat? I can make you some eggs. We might have some bacon or something. Let me look." She stepped around him and reached for the refrigerator door but Eli stopped her.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks though. I'll just get some juice. I'm not very hungry this morning." Eli wondered if he would ever be hungry again after seeing Grace in the same room.

He reached into the cabinet for a glass and set it on the counter. Slowly he walked to the refrigerator, opened the door and got the orange juice. He poured it into the glass and watched as it splashed against the sides, trapped in the glass trying to escape but the sides were too high. It was how he felt. He was trying to escape the hole he'd put himself in but it was so deep, he was trapped and had no idea how to climb out.

She stood, grabbed her bowl, walked across the room to where he was standing beside the sink. She accidentally brushed against his arm and felt a jolt of electricity run through her tired body. "Sorry" she mumbled as she put her bowl into the sink and rinsed it out.

"It's okay, I was in the way." He said as he realized he had been in her path too many times the last few months. He'd said he wanted to be more like her just two nights before and yet, he couldn't be more unlike her if he tried. She was honest, strong, and beautiful. She knew right from wrong. She was starting to take chances in her life but they were risks worth taking, not the dangerous chances he found himself taking in his own life. He'd change. He'd try to make his life better. He'd get a job, a good job and he vowed to keep it this time. He wouldn't screw up. He'd make her proud of him, show her, prove to her that he could learn from her and could make something of himself instead of feeling as though he were nothing...just existing in this life he hated. He would somehow get their friendship back. The friendship he missed. The friendship he'd gotten a taste of two nights before.

She left the kitchen and was about to go upstairs when she realized he followed her. "What Eli?"

"I'm sorry. For everything. I'm so sorry for everything. There is no excuse that would justify missing your play. I should have been there. I promised you. I was there, I left, but that's my stupidity and I was being a coward. Grace, I...I..." he didn't know how to finish. There were so many things he wanted to say, that he needed to say and yet, he couldn't form the words no matter how he tried.

"I have to go. Bye Eli." Grace turned from him and walked up the stairs to her room.  
  
_'You're always brilliant in the morning Smoking your cigarettes, and talking over coffee Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you, You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones As I clumsily strummed my guitar You'd teach me of honest things Things that were daring, things that were clean Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean So I hid my soiled hands behind my back Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you'  
_  
She stood alone in her room looking into her mirror. She saw a face staring back at her that she simply no longer recognized. An instant before, she had just stared into the eyes of another she no longer recognized either as she looked at Eli. He wasn't the man she thought he was, that he could be, that he'd never want to be. She should give up on him and never look back. She thought he cared, that he truly wanted her to do well in the play...that he would be there for her. She'd planned on locking eyes with him when she would get lost on stage so she could find her way. Turns out, it was better in the end that he hadn't been there. She was real on the stage. She left herself completely open, her tears were real, and the audience thought she was brilliant. Grace was simply a scared girl with a broken heart trying to find her soul, convinced she wouldn't succeed. She was infatuated with a boy she thought she had a connection with, someone she thought completely understood her. Tears fall slowly down her cheeks as she tries to block the boy of her dreams from her mind forever.  
  
_'Excuse me; think I've mistaken you for somebody else Somebody who gave a damn, Somebody more like myself These foolish games are tearing me apart You thoughtless words are breaking my heart You're breaking my heart'_  
  
He spent the day alone in the garage. He couldn't face anyone. He skipped dinner with the family and lay in his bed. He must have fallen asleep. His body jumped as the thunder woke him up. Light flashed into his room and the thunder shook the walls. He smiled. He waited for the lightening to stop and walked outside in the rain once more. He thought maybe if he stayed in the rain long enough, his original idea of washing everything away would finally work. He realized he was not the only one with that idea. As he walked down the steps, he saw her standing there...the same spot he had been in the night before. She took off her coat, held it in her hand, and threw her head back letting the rain hit her beautiful face. He smiled. She saw him last night and he knew it now. Maybe they were more alike than either realized. Maybe they could find their way back to the friendship they were developing and maybe, just maybe, one day they could find something more...  
  
_'You took your coat off stood in the rain You're always crazy like that...'_


End file.
