Downton Abbey 1. Night 1

He turns away from her and hears the door shut. He wants to turn off the light and go to sleep and be all high and mighty and be mad at her. But then he remembers Jane. Jane whom he actually did invite into his room. When he knew that Cora was sick. He hadn't known how sick then, but he knew that she was unwell. And he kissed Jane. Three times. And he wanted to take her to bed. If Bates hadn't interrupted them, he would have taken her to bed. He would have let her take Cora's place. Maybe only for a night, but he would have let her do that, he invited her to do that.

So he gets up and goes into his wife's room. She is sitting on her bed, looking at him expectantly.

"You knew I'd come."

"Yes."

"Well then," he says, gets into bed, turns his back towards her and switches off the light. She doesn't move however. She expects him to say or maybe even do something, but he can't. She may have been right about him letting a flirtation get out of hand, but she cannot expect him to forgive her. Not that easily.

"Robert?"

"What?" he grumbles.

"This can't be it." Her voice sounds as if she was suppressing tears and is driving him mad. And then he realizes that she sounded exactly like that when she told him that Bricker was mistaken in thinking that he could take the position of, if not of Cora's husband then at least that of her lover. But why would she cry about something like that?

"What do you want? I came back in here. Let me sleep." He hears her sigh and he knows that she is weighing what to say next. He wishes she wouldn't say anything at all. And then she doesn't. She too switches off her light and turns away from him. And it disappoints him. And then he hears her cry. She tries to hide it, but he knows her so well, has spent so many nights next to her, that he recognizes the fast breathing and the shaking of her shoulders. His instincts tell him to turn around and pull her close to him and tell her that he loves her. But his pride tells him to ignore her. So in the end he compromises by yelling at her.

"Cora, honestly, what did you expect? For me to come back in here and make love to you? How can I do that when I don't even know whether you still love me?" She cries even more now and that scares him. What if she really does not love him anymore? So he turns on the light and looks at her although all he sees is the back of her head.

"Cora, say something!" He knows he shouted and he hopes that Edith doesn't show up again. She does not need to be troubled even more than she already is.

"Don't yell like that."

"Sorry." She turns at that word and looks at him.

"For what?"

"Yelling like that. If the children heard us"

"The children, Robert, are grown up. And don't think that they don't know that things between us have gone down the drain. Mary and Tom have both been married and you said yourself that Edith and Gregson must have loved each other very much." She has fully turned around now and they are facing each other. For the first time in months, they are actually looking into each other's eyes.

"None of them have loved someone long enough to understand what is going on between us." Cora smiles a very faint smile at him now and then touches his cheek. Only very briefly but it costs him all he has got to not grab her hand and hold in place.

"Robert, shouldn't that teach us to count our lucky stars?"

"Maybe," he says and turns around. He can't talk to her about this. He just can't. He switches off the light again and remains still. He doesn't move when he feels Cora moving closer to him and putting an arm around him.

"Goodnight, darling," she whispers and it drives him to tears.


	2. Night 2

He barges through the door and is rather disappointed when he sees Baxter still there. Why does it always take so long for Cora to get ready to go to bed? Why can't women just take off their clothes like men do? And then undo and braid their hair? It doesn't take that long, he has undone Cora's hair often enough to know that it only takes ten minutes. And the braiding only takes three. If one is skilled at that. Which he is proud to say he is. And he is bursting. Bursting with the need to gossip. He knows it is feeble to want to gossip about his own daughter, but it is her mother he wants to gossip with, so really they are just exchanging concerned thoughts about their eldest child.

The moment Baxter finally shuts the door Cora turns around, looks at him and says "I think it looks horrible. Utterly ridiculous." He almost breaks into loud laughter because Cora said exactly what he thinks.

"Why in the name of the world did she do that? Is she crazy?"

"Fashion crazy, maybe."

"So are you."

"Not like her. And I will not cut off my hair. Never. I don't want to look like a boy. Although I suppose she did it to impress boys." This makes him laugh too.

"Why do women always want to impress men by looking what they think looks good?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you say Mary cut off her hair to impress boys and I think it's true. But most men will think it looks ridiculous. And you should have seen Rosamund before she met Marmaduke. A new dress for each ball, one more scandalous and expensive than the next. And the women who were after me? Dresses so tight I was afraid they'd faint after every dance because they couldn't breathe. You were one of the very few who I was not afraid would faint." She smiles at that and systematically applies lotion to her hands.

"Well, I would have fainted had my corset been tied that tightly. My mother kept telling me that you were so reluctant because my waist wasn't small enough."

"That is such a ridiculous notion. Men couldn't care less about a waist being an inch smaller or hair being a slightly different color, or I don't know what. We don't see it. What we do see are shorter skirts and straps for sleeves on dresses."

"So you have no idea what I wore tonight?"

"I know it was a beautiful dress and that you looked beautiful in it. But you always look beautiful. You could wear a, I don't know, potato sack and still be the most stunning woman in any room you walked into." Cora chuckles at this, gets up and touches his upper arm.

"You can be very charming Robert. If only what you say were true."

"It is true. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

"I am old."

"Old? My mother is old." Cora laughs again and then puts her arms around his waist.

"I missed you talking to me like that. I know what you say isn't true, but I missed it." He can only shake his head. How can she think that it is not true? Why is she so insecure? They have been married for three and a half decades, how can she believe him to lie?

"Cora," he says exasperatedly and kisses her forehead. She lets go off him then and they both lie down. He takes her hand and kisses it.

"Sleep well, beautiful," he says and then turns around. He smiles when he feels her hand on his waist.


	3. Night 3

"I am so worried." Cora is as pale as her white night dress and she looks the way he feels.

"Yes. I don't believe it. I telephone Rosamund, she has no idea where Edith is, but she knows quite a lot of people in London. She might be able to find out something. I have the feeling that we have overlooked something and I wish I knew what it was." Cora and he have both sat down on their bed and she grabs his hand.

"Do you sometimes have the feeling that we've lost all three of our girls? Not just Sybil, but the other two as well? Mary has turned into an unbearably arrogant snob and Edith, well." He lets go of Cora's hand and puts his arm around her shoulders instead.

"I know what you mean. But they are adults. They are both older than thirty. We have no right to know anything about their private lives. Although I agree with you concerning Mary. And I will have words with her. 33 years old she may be, but she is not above behaving like a lady. And I'll ask Tom to talk to her too. If she doesn't listen to me, she might listen to him." Cora puts her head on his shoulder and sighs.

"Thank you darling." He pulls her closer to him and puts his other arm around her too and then he lets her cry on his shoulder. And despite the gravity of the situation, despite Edith having run off, despite Cora's and his disappointment in Mary, despite the reasons that make Cora cry like this, it also makes him very happy to have her cling like that to him, to feel her holding on to him, to have the feeling that he might be able to help her. He will question his mother. Rosamund told him to talk to their mother. She wouldn't say why, but he'll question her. He just doesn't know whether he should tell Cora and take her with him or whether he should do it on his own.

"Robert?"

"Yes darling?"

"If you know anything, anything at all, if Rosamund has told you something that might help in any way, please tell me. Promise me. Don't keep things from me because you want to protect me. Promise me, Robert, please."

"Alright, love, I promise." And so he tells her what Rosamund said. And asks her to come with him. He asks her for help and she tells him that she will help. They fall asleep holding onto each other.


	4. Night 4

Again he is bursting with the need to talk to his wife. Edith returning and making them swear to not ask any questions, which worries them both, Rose so obviously in love with Atticus and Isobel getting married to Lord Merton. And tonight he sends Baxter away and helps Cora himself. He likes to see the relief on her face when he takes the pins out of her hair.

They talk it all through, seemingly every little thing that happened that night, with him sitting on his side of the bed and Cora's head on his legs, him playing with her hair and her gently massaging his thighs, and when he looks at the clock on her nightstand, he realizes that they have talked for over three hours.

"Cora, I think we should sleep." He has to take Isis to the vet the next morning at eight and he'd rather not be too tired. He thinks that he will have to face the worst.

"Alright," she says and moves away from him. The loss of her touch somehow makes him feel uncomfortable, but as soon as she has gotten into a comfortable sleeping position, she takes his hands and looks at him again.

"I hope they won't have to put her down," she says with genuine concern in her eyes.

"I hope so too," he answers but knows that that they both are aware of the fact that this hope is most likely in vain.


	5. Night 5

He can't go into her room. Not now. He needs to deal with this on his own because he does not want his wife to see him cry over the loss of his dog. What it made all the worse for him were Sybbie's tears when she understood that she would never play with Isis again. The little girl hugged the dog and with tears running down her face said a heartbreaking goodbye to her 'best friend in the world'.

He hears the door open and for a moment wants to send Cora away, but she sits down next to him and takes his hands in hers.

"Robert, it is perfectly alright to mourn the loss of your dog. Don't think that I am not broken-hearted by it. She was so very faithful, especially to you. She followed you everywhere. Of course you are sad and you'll miss her."

"Sybbie cried her heart out." Cora now draws circles on the back of his hands and looks directly into his eyes.

"She gets her love for animals from her grandfather, I think." This somehow comforts him. Somehow Cora has a knack for finding the right words. He leans towards her and gives her kiss on the lips.

"Thank you. For understanding. And for not thinking me weak."

"Robert, you are not weak. You care about your pets. That is not weak. It shows that your heart is in the right place." She touches his chest right over his heart and he can hardly contain his tears.

"Come to bed. It might do you good to sleep a bit. You did not sleep well last night." She gets up and holds her hand out to him. He takes it and lets her lead him into their bedroom. He turns away from her and as she has done during more than half their nights for the past week, she cuddles up to him and puts her arm around him. But tonight she adds kisses on his neck and shoulders and he lets her do it because it is exactly what he needs.


	6. Night 6

He is sure that she is asleep and rather surprised when he sees the light under the door. Tom and he got lost discussing the merits of football and cricket and what they thought was the more English sport. Tom suggested having a small football tournament for the village children either on the day of the cricket match or on the day of the church bazar. After a lengthy discussion he gave in to Tom under the condition that Tom would play in the cricket match every year and practice for it. The boy smiled like a child on Christmas morning.

When he walks into their room, he sees that his wife has fallen asleep, sitting in bed, her book on her lap, the light on her nightstand still on. She probably waited for him and he feels sorry for her. He walks around to her side of the bed and as gently as possible pries the book from her hands, but she wakes up from it nevertheless.

"You took your time," she says and smiles at him.

"I was talking to Tom."

"What about?" He wants to say 'nothing to bother you with', because he knows she wouldn't care, but he does not want her to get in a bad mood and she gets into a bad mood rather easily if she is woken from sleep in the middle of the night.

"Football and Cricket."

She chuckles about this and then says "boys".

He doesn't know what to say because she is right and so he just gets into bed.

"I am glad you spend so much time with Tom."

"There are too many women in this family."

"What?" Cora sounds playfully hurt and it spurs him on.

"I am very, very glad that Edith is back and that Rosamund decided to stay for a while, but think about it. It is just Tom and me against Isobel, my mother, Mary, Edith, Rosamund, Rose and you. That's two against six. Tom and I have to be a team if we don't want to be overruled by our womenfolk all the time."

"Your womenfolk."

"Yes."

"My poor darling. Your life really is hard. Is there anything I can do for you?" She is playing with him and he enjoys it immensely.

"Some compensation would be nice."

"Like what?"

"A kiss?" She leans over and gives him a quick peck on the cheek.

"More than that," he complains and she gives him another peck on the cheek.

"More than," he says and can't finish because Cora attacks him then in a way that makes him forget about any another man or woman in the world but her.


End file.
