Christy 1. On the mountain

**1/16/08 I am rewriting this story as I was unhappy to see how many errors there were in it. I probably will change the story some as well.**

**This is more along the lines of the book, in that Margaret died a long time ago. But it should not be too different from the series and movies as well.**

The sun began to slowly rise on the Great Smoky mountains, peeking over the layered mountains bathing them in golden light, The light caused a perfect cacophony of bird song as they rejoiced in the morning sun, the light slowly stretched across the mountains and into hollows till it reached the mission and streamed into the windows.

Christy awoke and savored the early morning air, she loved the sweet smell of the mountains in the early morning, there always was freshness and a hope that seemed to be infused in the air early in the morning.

She stretched and sighed in her comfortable bed, then as she fully awoke she could suddenly feel the call of the mountains, could feel the blood humming through her veins. She wanted to be out in the woods, to be surrounded by the majestic beauty of the mountains.

She jumped out of bed with a glad laugh.

Christy raced through getting dressed and putting up her hair. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to her impatient mind she was ready. Holding her shoes in her hands she tip toed, quietly descended the stairs so as not to awaken the occupants of the house.

She really wanted to be alone this particular morning. Once out on the porch she took a deep breath savoring the crisp morning air that was slightly tinged with the sent of pines, then started up the path that would eventually lead her to a path favored by Fairlight and herself. She could not suppress a laugh of sheer gladness at being so alive and in such a beautiful location. Prince heard her laugh and responded with a shrill whinny of his own, no doubt hoping that she was on her way to feed him, she looked over her shoulder cautiously, hoping no one was awakened by his outburst. There was still no sound from the mission or the bunkhouse so Christy concluded that she was undiscovered. Not that there was anything wrong with her going out on a walk on a Saturday morning, but for some reason she needed to be alone to soak in the quietness and tranquility .

Once on the path Christy broke into a run, feeling the wind in her hair and the solid feel of the ground as her feet pounded on it. She loved the physical exertion and the feel of being up against the mountain as she pounded along the steep upward grade.

After a while she got winded and had to slow down to a walk, the birds were still singing. This was probably the most beautiful place on earth she reflected, there was so much natural beauty here, it times it was hard to reconcile the ugly side that shadowed the beauty so closely. That thought caused Christy to frown, but she quickly dismissed the thought from her mind, she did not want to think on all the problems this morning, this morning was all about beauty and peace, she would not let anything distract her from it.

After another ten minutes of walking she got to her Lookout as she called it, from it she could see the range of mountains opposite, looking for all the world like a dark green blanket that someone had carelessly thrown down, it had the same wrinkled and folded look . She gave a slight smile at how her mind had immediately drawn such a domestic conclusion, a year ago she would never have equated the beautiful mountains with Ruby Mae's laundry.

She turned and looked for a comfortable spot to sit; she had brought a book along and was planning to take full advantage of her time. She loved teaching, but lately she had felt so hemmed in by the daily routine, it seemed as if it never varied, and it seemed as if she always was giving just a little more of herself than she actually had .This solitude would be exactly what she needed to relax and unwind.

The sun rose up higher in the sky and Christy did not notice, it was breakfast time, but she did not stop reading, indeed it was almost lunch when she finished her book and closed it with a pleased smile of accomplishment. It was then she noticed how high the sun was and realized that the mission would be concerned about her whereabouts. With a slight sigh and frown she stood up and started down the trail, she was not in a hurry to return to all of the questions and continual needs that she knew were waiting. But what made it worse was she could not escape the dark sense of condemnation that pursued her for feeling as worn and thin as she did, it did not seem as if she had the right to feel tired when there was so much that needed to be done.

What had happened? She wondered, what had changed so much from when she first started working at the mission? When did she loose her enthusiasm and joy in her work?

This could not continue, it was her job to teach and reach out to the people of the cove, she needed to be a better person and not give in to her weariness, it was selfish, and if there was something she hated in others it was selfishness.

With this thought in mind she stiffened her back and quickened her pace, soon she was greeted by Fairlight hurrying up the trail toward her, "Oh, Miz Christy, we were all in a heap of worry for you, David set out a horseback, and Ruby Mae done gone to all of the cabins close by to ask after you! Where have you been so late? Are you all right Christy?" She looked at Christy with concern in her blue eyes.

"I am Fairlight, I just started to read a book and lost track of time that is all." Christy felt frustrated at the knowledge that there would be a great to-do when she arrived, it almost seemed now she had created more stress than she had escaped from. It was hard for her to be natural and not show her frustration to Fairlight. She turned to her and smiled,

"I am going back now, would you walk with me?"

"I thank you kindly Miz Christy, but all the same I must be gettin' on home to my younguns, they are probably hungry enough to chew wood right about now." Christy laughed at the accurate description of the Spencer children. Then she waved to Fairlight and went down the fork in the path that would take her to the mission.

Sure enough, when she got in sight there was a shriek from the red haired girl on the porch, "It's Miz Christy, She be home! She is here, Miss Alice!" Ruby Mae could probably be heard throughout the whole cove Christy reflected with weary amusement.

Miss Alice stepped out onto the porch, drying her hands on a dish towel, she watched with steady eyes as Christy approached, when she was in speaking distance she said quietly, "Lunch is almost on the table, if thee is hungry." Christy nodded silently and headed up the stairs to wash as Ruby Mae swarmed around her chattering about how worried everyone had been, and when David had left, and how she was just SURE that Christy had run into them murderers that had escaped into them there woods and Josiah said had been tracked to the very Cove itself.

The last bit about the convicts, was a shred of local gossip that was going around the school like a cold bug, It was confirmed David had ascertained, that two men convicted of moonshining did escape the custody of the marshals who were bringing them in, but it really did not seem to be as bad as the school children were elaborating it to be.

Christy slipped into her room escaping from Ruby Mae's chatter, then she washed up and straitened her hair.

She looked into the mirror critically, her appearance was now clean, the water had taken care of the dust and grime, but the dark circles under her eyes were not as easy to erase, she splashed water on them but still could not see an improvement.

"Oh well", she thought "she did what she could!"

With that thought she went down stairs


	2. Emptyness

As Christy went down the stairs into the dining room, she reflected that it was likely to be an uncomfortable lunch, Ruby Mae was going to be talking constantly about her disappearance, and Miss Alice would be sitting there, not talking, but exuding a certain disapproval at her selfish and inconsiderate behavior.

Christy knew that it was irresponsible to loose track of time, and she was beginning to feel bad for concerning the others. But at the same time she felt resentful, why should she be feeling guilty when she had in fact done nothing more than take some time for herself? Was that such a crime? Swallowing her frustration as best she could she walked toward the dining room, she could hear David's sonorous voice as he talked to his sister.

Sighing, she entered the dining room very aware that all eyes were on her. David looked up at her questioningly and opened his mouth to speak as she sat down, but Miss Alice abruptly turned and asked him about an affair they had been attending to in Catalichie.

Thankfully they were in conversation together for most of the meal so Christy could eat in peace.This moodiness was beginning to bother her, she just wanted to return to how she used to be She really could not find a reason to put on why she was so reclusive and edgy.

She picked at her food; the green beans were over cooked and soggy, and the roast was rather flavorless. She could tell David was watching her pick at her plate, so she tried to put a more pleasant look on her face and eat with a show of appetite, but it was not very convincing.

After the meal she helped Ruby Mae to clear up, then escaped to the porch.

She was not in the mood to be around others, and was annoyed to hear the screen door slam, then approaching footsteps behind her. She leaned on the railing and stared toward the mountains as she spoke with out turning.

"Hello, David"

There was a quiet chuckle. "How did you know that it was me?"

"Your footsteps." Her voice as soft and sweet as it always was, but there was a forced quality to it.

"Why; Christy, I had no idea that you were so observant!" David laughed, unaware of anything in her behavior or mannerism.

"I must say you had us all worried about you this morning when we could not find you, what was up? Where did you go?"

She did not respond right away, then ,"I went out for a walk, and lost track of time when I was reading my book." She was a little more curt than she intended, this time David could not help but notice.

"Hey, Christy, what is the matter?"

" Nothing! I am fine, really" she said dismissively.

"You know, it really isn't like you to act this way, sneaking off leaving us all worried about you." said David in his most maddeningly pastoral voice, the voice she disliked because it was patronizing and superior. "If you want to talk about something, you know you can always come to me"

She looked down at the grass growing next to the mission steps, it was dry and parched, and it gave a soft rustling sound as the wind blew through it.

She hesitated, she did not want to try and express what was bothering her, mainly because she was not sure what it was exactly, but on the other hand it might be a relief to share with someone.

"Do you ever get tired, David?" He laughed, "What kind of question is that, Christy? Of course I get tired!"

"No, I mean, get tired of everything that needs to be done, of so many, many problems to be dealt with. Of never.." She stopped, frustrated at her lack of success at expressing at what she was really feeling.

"Of course I do, but you know what it says in the Bible about be not weary in well doing, but be diligent …"

Christy tuned him out, she could still hear him in a distance droning on and on, giving one quote or another, along with inspirational anecdotes from his experiences.

The day seemed to be growing unbearably warm; the wind was dying to almost nothing. The haze deepened over the mountains obscuring the farthest ones.

She wished that it would storm;it had been so hot the past few weeks, It had been brutal in the stuffy schoolroom during the afternoons when the sun baked down on the roof. A cool front would be so refreshing.It might help the children be able to concentrate better as well, it was hard to study when one was miserable with prickly heat.

There was a sound of breaking glass from the kitchen; it abruptly jerked her back to reality and David who was still talking. "…find as I did that forcing yourself to do more than your flesh wants to will cure this problem of loss of interest in the Lords work."

Suddenly she was angry, angry at his empty words and insincerity, angry at his not understanding what she herself could not articulate.Not very rational to be sure, but at that moment Christy was not interested in the finer points of reason and logic

"Please excuse me David, I need to go and help Ruby Mae."

By the beaming look of approval on his face she could see that he thought he was taking his instruction to heart. He smiled and nodded in what he thought was understanding, as she went into the mission, little did he suspect that she was escaping from him and his mouthing of formulas.

In the kitchen it was a relief to be there with Ruby Mae, at least her constant chattering was not meant to be taken seriously; it was more to prevent, or fill silence than an effort to communicate.

Once she had helped Ruby Mae she decided to retreat to her room. She was relived to see Mrs. Alice was not in the setting room as she went toward to the stairs.

In her room she tried to compose her racing thoughts enough to write a letter home to her parents, but she could not seem to focus on it. Pacing around her room she tried to still her thoughts, but it seemed they just raced faster. Finally she decided to stop pacing and just think.

She sat in a old rocker in the corner of her room and stared out over the mountains, desperately trying to figure out how to get out of the slump she was in.

She got up and looked over her bookcase searching for something interesting to read.

Nothing was catching her eye, so she returned to her chair and turned dull eyes to the mountains.

She was not sure why she was feeling so restless and discontent, it had started after a while of feeling as if she was out of touch with everyone and everything, then it turned to feeling as if God himself was distant and uncaring toward her, there was seemingly a subtle vein of disapproval that was surrounding her at the mission. She could not exactly put her finger on it but there was something bothering Miss Alice, and David only gave his approval to those who were walking according to his version of the way there life should take.

And ever since she had turned down his proposal he had a slightly righteously rebuking way about him in his dealings with her.

It was maddening, she resented it so much, she felt a deep sense of betrayal in him allowing his personal feeling to take over so completely.

She half wondered if she should go and request a leave from the school so she could go to Asheville and visit her family, as she stood looking out of the window it seemed more and more like a acceptable option, if not for now she would keep it in her mind for later if things did not improve in a day or two.

With this thought in mind she took out her school bag and began to grade papers.

**  
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	3. Questions

The next day as the day drew to a close and with relief Christy dismissed the school, the noise level grew to nearly deafening as the children streamed out into the yard and scattered to there home and to what ever dinner that awaited them.

She rested her head on the desk for a minute; it had been a hard day, Sam Houston had been cutting up and the other boys had followed only too readily, even Bessie and Claire were fidgeting and talking, to tell the truth Christy had released the class ten minutes earlier than she should have, but she just did not feel as if she could stand it any longer without loosing her temper, thank goodness Lundy had not decided to come on this day, she was sure it would have sent her to David for help. And she did not relish the lecture she would likely get from him if she had needed to call him.

She started to sort her papers and put them in her bag, when a shadow darkened her doorway; she looked up and saw doctor MacNeil walking toward her.

"Neil!" she exclaimed in surprise."What are you doing here?"

He strode toward her with his smile that made her heart skip a beat, "I was asked by your preacher to come in and look at you and see if you are well, seems he feels you have been acting uncharacteristically lately and he asked me while I was up here to have a look at you, discreetly of course, so as you wont suspect, but as I prefer to be rather more direct than that, I thought I would just ask how you were." He pulled up a chair and sat down close to the desk. "Well Miss Huddleston, I am waiting, will you be requiring my medical services or not?"

Christy sat there, torn between being furious at David and amused at Neil's treatment of the situation.

"Well Doctor". She said finally with a teasing note in her voice. "I am perfectly well, as you can see; I do not feel in need of any medical intervention.Thank you very much"

He smiled at her again in his friendly way. "So, if you are so healthy, why am I being asked to check up on you?"

She shook her head in annoyance "I really have no idea, I took a walk and was out to long, David got worried."

She suddenly looked up "Miss Alice was not in on this was she?"

Doctor Mac Neil laughed his deep laugh. "No, Of course not, Alice would not be involved in something so clandestine, besides she left to go visit the Lower Gap this afternoon, she won't be back for two or three days."

Christy shook her head in frustration, she had known for days Miss Alice was leaving, she had just forgotten it, that had been happening a lot lately, facts seemed to go through her mind like water in a sieve.

Unbeknown to her she was being scrutinized by keen blue eyes during the dialog.

"Is something the matter Christy?" he asked, taking in her reaction at Miss Alice's departure.

"Oh, no, I just forgot she was leaving today was all, how is everyone in the Cove?" She asked a little too brightly.

They discussed some of the families that he had been to see on his rounds, and the up coming cold weather.

The whole time his eyes never wavered from her; a slight frown creasing his forehead, there was a certain indefinable something that seemed to be amiss, but he could not put his finger on it. She appeared as healthy as he had ever seen her, so it was not a health related issue. At least not one he could easily identify.

Christy finished putting her papers in order and got up to clean the chalk board

She was wiping it down and then started the difficult task of trying to reach the very top, a part she could never get to, but David always wrote on, it was a minor source of annoyance to her that he never seemed to remember that she had trouble reaching this high, she was standing on her tiptoes stretching up to get as high as she could, when the rag was taken from her hand and she realized that Neil had come up behind her, she was sandwiched between him and the board. She could smell a whiff of leather and soap around him, it was a pleasant smell, and it brought home how he was an integral part of the cove.

Suddenly she realized that he was standing very close to her, almost pressing her against the chalk board, she looked at him for a fleeting second then hastily stepped to the side.

An amused look came over the doctors face, and for a moment he seemed to be considering teasing her, but then he changed his mind. He finished wiping down the board for her.

"You know Miss Huddleston; you really should consider having one of your taller boys clean this for you."

"Yes, I usually do, but today I just forgot to catch one of them before they bolted out of the door."

The doctor put the rag on its nail and bent over to pick up her bag, his eyebrows rose in astonishment, "You are stronger than you look, this is as heavy as a young pig!"

Christy laughed for the first time in ages it seemed, she was surprised how much lighter she felt after it.

This fact was not lost on the doctor.

They started out the schoolhouse and Christy winced and shaded her eyes as the bright light hit her.

"Headache?" asked the doctor.

Christy nodded and replied, "It was a long day" with a wry smile.

" Ah, I see, I thought Sam Houston seemed unusually full of vinegar as he passed me.Well, I happen to have the perfect treatment for that!" And suddenly taking a sharp turn, the doctor started off toward the pond still carrying her bag.

"What are we doing?" Christy panted as she stumbled after him, trying to avoid the worst of the dried mud clods that surrounded the pond.

"We are going to a favorite place of mine." He said with his smile.

"Ah, here we are." he said

Christy looked around her in astonishment she had no idea that there was a place like this so close to the mission.

Cattails had grown up all around the edge, and a trees dense branches dipped low touching the tips of the cattails, it formed a perfect cave. It was cool and the sun was not able to penetrate the coverings of leaves.

He sat down and looked at her, "Well, Christy, what you think of it?"

She smiled, "I love it; I never suspected that there was a place like this here, but…"she looked hesitantly at the mud that the doctor had sat down on so readily, "Ah, I can see have a problem, don't we, It would never do for you to sit here, "He thought for a second then said, "I will be right back."

Christy stood in the shade, looking out over the water, her mind lost in the tests she needed to grade, and the lessons she needed to write out for the next day.

She heard a scraping noise behind her and turned to see Neil dragging a log toward her, she watched him approach her, and the sun was catching his flecks and highlighting his

red hair. Then he entered the shade under the tree and it darkened to auburn.

He pulled up the log under tree. "It is not the best seat, but it is better than nothing, why don't you try it out?"

She sank onto it gratefully," It is perfect, Thank you Neil."

He looked at her quickly, with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Then as quickly as it came it was gone.

He sat down beside her in silence. They both looked out over the water.

A dragon fly swooped down and brushed the surface of the water with its wings, the wind blew softly, sending a feathering effect over the glass like surface of the pond. There was a distinctive 'ploop' of a frog jumping in, Christy could not see where it was but the tell tail ripples spread out from the frogs entry point.

The water glittered in the hot sunshine like diamonds, ordinarily she would have enjoyed the sight, but with her head hurting so badly she really wished there would be some cloud cover soon. She was still puzzled over what was bothering her so much, why everything seemed off centered in her life at the moment. Why God was so far away from her, she wondered if it had to do with her being raised as a Christian all of her life, there was always a set of expectations she had in her life ,maybe it was because she was realizing that all of the expectations that she was raised with were false ,and it was causing her to doubt everything, in a way she supposed it could be good for her, it would be far better to actually believe and experience the truth of life rather than live it according to the habits of childhood. In fact Miss Alice and even Neil himself had hinted to her that her beliefs could have been more from habit than conviction.

It had angered her both times, who were they to judge her and her convictions? But now she could not help but wonder if they had been right.

Suddenly she wished that she could return to her childhood and the simplicity of it, not to mention the fact that she had been craving a hot fudge sundae for a week now, she grinned.

"A penny for your thoughts, Lass" Neil said softy.

"I was just thinking how much I want a hot fudge sundae." She replied evasively.

The doctor threw back his head and laughed "Christy, you are one of the most unexpected girls I have ever met!"

She could not help but laugh as well, his laughter was contagious, "Why, what ever do you mean?"

"There you are, sitting there looking as if you are thinking deep and profound thoughts, and all you have on your mind is ice-cream!"

She could not help but tease him, "Ice cream is a very serious thing to me, especially when it is this hot!"

He turned to her with a grin that died down when he looked fully at her, "Christy, there is something else isn't there?"

She looked away and sighed, suddenly she felt his large hand clasp hers, a tingling feeling shot up her arm.

He leaned a bit closer, "You know you can talk to me if you would like, we are friends and that is what friends are for."

She looked at him, "Thank you Neil, yes, we are friends, thank you for your support."

The sat still for a moment then Christy quickly removed her hand back to her lap.

There was a bird calling in the distance, and a slight smoky smell drifted to them from a cabin or the mission.

The doctor was staring out at the pond smoking when Christy abruptly wheeled around to face him.

"I am just so confused, I don't feel in touch with God anymore, I am not sure what I am doing here, or why I am here, I feel so tired all of the time now, and I know I should not be tired, because I am here to help others, but it has seemed lately as if it is give, give, give, and never any time to rest or enjoy myself. It would not be so bad but I can not really see where I have made a difference, I feel as if I have given so much of myself, but nothing is ever accomplished. Nothing ever changes no matter how hard I try. I know that I am a horrible person for feeling this way but I do, and I hate it, it is so unsettling to not be sure of Christianity or if God cares for me, or even lately I have wondered if he is there at all, maybe he is nothing but a polite fiction we delude ourselves into believing. There is just so much heart-ache and suffering and I can't help, it seems as if everything I try and do is the wrong thing, of it just does not do any good at all. And I, I, I...

It seems as if those who profess him the most act it ,truly act it, the least, but then maybe I am being too judgmental about it, I don't know anymore, I am so confused, I get up to pray in the morning and I feel nothing but resentment at the waste of my time, David prays and it is just sounds, even Miss Alice seems somehow remote, when she speaks about him, nothing about religion seems real any more, and I don't know what to do or what is wrong with me!"

Neil had given a slight jump when she so suddenly blurted out what was going on, then for the rest of the tirade he just sat there smoking on his pipe and listening to her vent. When she stopped for breath he inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, still staring away over the water.

"So that is what has been troubling you?" he asked quietly

She nodded, expecting to hear him start exulting over her 'coming to her senses' but he continued to sit there and look out over the water, not saying anything.

"Well? Say something!" she laughed nervously, "Tell me how you were right all along, I was deluding myself,and being a Goody Two Shoes."

Neil smiled softly to himself, "No, I would never do that, regardless of my personal beliefs. I can see you are in pain and confused, I am sorry for that. But Christy; are you feeling as if your God has abandoned you, or his people?

As for being tired, it would not be unnatural for anyone out here doing what you do to feel fatigue, don't overlook the fact that it could be stress that is coloring you perceptions."

She looked at him in astonishment, "Why Doctor, are you defending Christianity?!"

He laughed, "No, nothing I said could be taken that way, Christy, I just want to help you find your way back to yourself, and most of that can be accomplished by getting more rest and not overworking yourself, which is what I will report to the good preacher as soon as I see him. And Christy?" She turned and looked at him, he reached out and took her hand for a moment.

"Do not forget, these mountains and people have been here for a long, long, time. Change does not come quickly here, if it does come at all. It comes slowly, like spring stealing over the mountains. One day it just is there but you can not point point an exact time it arrived."

Christy nodded in gratitude,He did have a point, but sometimes it was so hard to be patient and let things take their course.

Christy rose to her feet, it was time to go back to the mission and help with dinner. With old world courtesy MacNeil rose as she stood. She turned to him on an impulse "Would you care to join us for dinner?"He tilted his head and studied her. Then to her surprise he seemed to consider it for a moment.

"Well, that would depend on who is cooking tonight." She smiled as she replied,

"Ruby Mae."

"Ah, well, no offense I hope, but I think I will just go to my own cabin and cook up something edible!"

Christy choked a laugh headed toward the mission.

Neil's eyes never left her till she disappeared from his view, a slight frown creased his brow.

**  
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	4. Chapter 4

**OK, did you notice the rating? It was rated that way for a reason, IF YOU ARE UNDER 16, or squeamish about violence, do not read farther, this is not for you. This is semi graphic portrayal of an assault. NO CHILDREN PLEASE!**

"Now remember Christy, if you need me to stop the repairs on the barn and come help you with the class, I can." David admonished as he held the door open for Christy to pass through.

"Thank you David, but I am sure I can handle it on my own." A loud snort from Miss Ida let her know how much faith she had in Christy's statement.Christy groaned to herself as she walked toward the school house, ever since Neil had talked to David, David had been a mixture of, solicitude for her health and a slight edge of superiority over not needing to take it easy himself.

He took over an extra class for a while and made sure he was the one to clean and close up the schoolhouse. But as nice as the rest was, Christy still struggled over feeling guilty about David taking over the extra work, Ida made it a point to never let her forget it, She hated the idea of being a burden to anyone, especially David.

Miss Alice had arrived back late last night and had reported that there had been some break-ins at the Lower Gap area that was being blamed on the escaped prisoners. It was hard on the affected families because their resources were so limited. Miss Alice had said that they were going to get a party together to hunt them down. Miss Alice was worrying about the possibility of there being a lynching if they were caught.She and David had been talking about it as she went to bed. It was one problem after another here it seemed she thought morosely to herself, she would not be surprised if there were men in need of Macneil's attention tonight.

Christy had not seen the doctor since that day at the pond, she could not help but wonder why, she knew he was busy, at times he went for weeks with out stopping by if it was flu season, but she still looked up every once in a while expecting him to be there. But he never was.

She walked into the school and started to prepare for the day, the students had already started to trickle into the playground. She set up for the days lesson and rang the bell to call in the other students, they came storming in and found there places, they recited the pledge and were led by John Spencer in prayer.

It still felt so wrong and formulaic but she kept a brave front on it and never let her children in on her ambivalence.

Every day now she had woken up with a sense of boredom, of being tired of knowing exactly what was going to happen and when in her life.

She had almost decided to take her vacation and go to Asheville, she knew it would not be well received, but she really wanted to be back at home. It was not long till the children would be let out to help bring in the harvest, so she was trying to see if it could be possibly be arranged that she leave a little early, maybe she could write up all of the lessons, and the children could do them on there own and turn them in when she got back. Christy was brought back to the present by a commotion in the back of the room, Lundy was out of his seat and had dumped out the water bucket on the floor.

Anger rose up in Christy. "Lundy! What did you do that for? Get the broom and sweep the water out of the school room NOW!"

Ever so slowly to make it clear he was going to be doing it on his own terms, he spit on the floor and headed up to grab the broom.

"Lundy!" Christy lost it, "Get out, get out of here and don't come back till you can behave in a respectful manner."

For a moment he looked startled, and then he shrugged and sauntered out of the door. Christy cleaned up the floor herself and turned to face a sea of startled faces. Much to her relief she had less than five minuets till lunch. She decided to release early once again, the children were understandably ecstatic about the time off and left before she could change her mind.

At first she went up to her room, but it was as hot as an oven in there, she decided to go to the spot Neil had taken her to, She walked over to the pond and went to the hidden shady place, she was glad to be there to think, she still did not feel any different about God, in fact she was startled to find that the possibility of God not being real at all was somehow more comprehensible to her, for the first time she felt as if she might still be able to go on with out Him, but she did not really want to . She did not know exactly what was going to happen but for the first time she had a slight hope that it might just be alright, whether or not she believed in Him. She really wanted to talk to some one;this was getting to be a problem that she had to face. She decided to try and talk to Miss Alice.

She gathered up her skirt and headed over to the mission. When she got to the mission she found that there was a huge commotion. Miss Alice was giving out orders, David was saddling her horse, Ida was packing up some medical supplies and food. Ruby Mae came running up to her, "Oh Miss Christy, ain't it awful? Jeb Spencer been shot! Them murderers broke into his hen house this afternoon, in the full day time! He be shot in the arm!"

David came up to her "You let the children go early?" Christy nodded. "Good thinking. The boys will be needed to help keep a look out over there property." He said approvingly, thinking she had released them because of the break-in.

"What exactly happened? Is Jeb alright?" Christy asked in concern, "It appears that the moonshiners tried to make off with some of Jeb's chickens, he grabbed his shotgun to stop them and they shot him in the arm. It is not a bad wound according to MacNeil, but he needs some more bandages. Alice is going to try and diffuse the situation, a lot of men are gathering there to try and track them down." Christy wondered how Fairlight was and if she should go and be with her and help with the children.

Christy sighed, so much for talking to Miss Alice tonight. "Are you going with her? Do I need to go?"" she asked. "No, she really does not need me; I am to ride to Littleton to get the sheriff, I really think she will be alright alone." Suddenly, in spit of her disappointment over not getting to talk with Alice the night seemed more free and untrammeled. It took on a holiday kind of feeling.

After they left and the mission yard had calmed down Christy assisted Ida and Ruby Mae with dinner and the dishes. Then she went up to her room and started to try and see how workable her idea of making lessons for the children to do on there own would be. It as going along pretty well when she realized that she needed a book from the school, putting on her shoes she went down, the evening was balmy and sweet smelling, she leaned on the porch rail savoring the night, she saw the moon rise up, a faint golden tinge hinting at cooler days and cold nights coming. Then suddenly she felt a stirring of something, once again she felt as if God was good, that He cared for her, that He did exist, how could He not with such a beautiful moon outside? Laughing at her logic or lack of it she entered the school.

It was dark and hard to see, for little light got in at the windows; she chided herself for not bringing a lantern. She stumbled over something and nearly went down, but caught herself on a desk.

Suddenly, with no warning she felt a agonizing blow to her chest, her breath left her in a flash and she felt a panic at not being able to breath, She flailed her arms trying to find her assailant but there was nothing to grab a hold of. Then the blow came again, and again, She tried to scream but there was no air in her lungs, then something was being forced into her mouth, she tried to spit it out but could not, she started to flail her arms about when she got her breath back but there was a crushing weight on her, her arms were down to her side. She fought wildly, madly to get free, but was rewarded with a blow to her face that broke her nose and caused her to fade out for a second. When she was able to think again she was on the floor, a heavy smell of alcohol in the air, then in revulsion she felt hands, strange hands sliding over body, she writhed and struggled to get away, but then she felt the sharp blade of a knife pressing into her throat. There was a ripping of cloth; Christy started to vomit, nearly choking because the gag was lodged in her mouth. "This can not be happening!" She thought to herself.

Then franticly, she tried once more to get free, there was a sudden stinging pain as the knife dug into her throat, she kicked her attacker hard, and then got another immobilizing blow to her ribs. Then she realized she had been stabbed, she was thankful, she did not want to live through this. Then there was nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

Neil had finished up at the Spencer house, after a good dinner that he and Alice were invited to share with the grateful household. He was glad to see Jeb joking and laughing with his family at the table, after dinner Alice had decided to stay overnight so she did not have to come back in the morning to change the dressing on the wound, she asked Neil to stop by the mission and tell them of her decision.

Neil mounted up on Charlie and went trotting off down the path, it was getting rather late and he was tired, for a moment he wondered about staying in the bunkhouse since David was not there, he would much rather have gone on to his own bed, but if Ida or anyone was uneasy about being alone he would stay till daylight. With his night planned out he relaxed in the saddle and looked at the large moon that was slightly yellow, he knew it would be fall soon, and colds and pneumonia would star to pop up all over the Cove, he made a mental note to restock his medicines that he would need most.

He was yawning and fighting sleep by the time he arrived at the mission, he hitched Charlie up and bounded up the steps two at a time, in a hurry to go home.

He pounded on the door calling loudly to Ida that it was Dr. McNeil. After a lengthy wait he heard Ruby Mae's chattering and Ida cracked open the door, when she ascertained that it was him she opened it fully and invited him in.

He delivered the message from Alice to the grim woman; then offered to stay over the night, Ida did not say much but he could see the relief in her eyes, and Ruby Mae pounced on the idea with a yelp of happiness. "Could the Doc stay? She shorly would not get a wink with them bein women, and being alone, and them murderin' thieves out there."

Choosing to ignore the fact that she had been snoring up till his arrival.

Neil felt a momentary flash of irritation at David leaving so late, it would have been much easier on the women if he had thought about how his actions would affect them, and delayed or sent someone else in his place, but it was so typical of the man to run off and do the showy, heroic thing. Not stopping to see how it would have been better to have been where he was actually needed.

He said he would stay, and while Ida went to get him blankets, he took his horse to the barn and unsaddled him, rubbed him down and cleaned his hooves, and gave him water and hay. He could not help but wonder where Christy was, he guessed it was a good thing she was not being disturbed by all of the fuss downstairs. It was odd that she had so suddenly started to question her beliefs in her God. Somehow it was disturbing, in a strange way, she had this lost, frantic way about her, as if she was a lost puppy. It hurt to see her that way, she who was almost nauseatingly cheerful at times.

Now she was so vulnerable, that was the word, it was like her defenses had been torn down, and leaving her exposed to the world as it was, not as she wanted it to be.

When he got back to the porch he waited for Ida to bring the bed clothes to him, as she was handing them to him he inquired about Christy.

"Oh, she went to bed early, has not been down since dinner." Ida scowled, letting it be known that she did not approve of such self indulgence, no matter what he might have recommended as a doctor.

He reflected that it was no wonder that Christy was wearing out, it would be hard to keep up all she was doing, and have to deal with constant criticism and disapproval, and he could not help but wonder what the source of Ida's resentment towards her was.

It probably was rooted in her being so possessive of her brother, but then it had only seemed to get worse after Christy had refused him. Shrugging, he started to head to the bunkhouse.


	6. I Thought I heard Something

Neil headed to the bunk house relived that at last he would be going to bed, he heard the mission door slam and turned to see

Neil headed to the bunk house relived that after the events of his busy night at last he would be going to bed, it could not come soon enough in his mind; he was worn out with the three late nights in a row he had been through in the last week. Not to mention he was getting a little saddle sore. Yes, he mused, a night on a comfortable bed and (hopefully) a good breakfast in the morning would restore him to normal.

He heard the mission door slam and turned to see Ruby Mae's bright red hair reflecting in the moonlight as she scurried across the yard. She came over to him with a pillow in her hand, "Here, Miz Ida done forgot to give thisun to you." She sleepily thrust the pillow in his hands and turned to go back to the house when she paused for a few seconds.

"Doc, did you jest hear somethin'?

He paused, listening,

"No, I don't hear anything, what did you think you heard?"

"I don't rightly know, sounded almost like a baby animal crying."

"There, there it is again, it is a baby animal, a kitten or something, I need to find it, can I have your lantern, Doc?" He felt a surge of irritation at the threat to his restful night.

"Rruby Mae, therre is nothing out here except you, me, and all the wood creatures!

Now give it a rrest and get back to the mission where you belong."

The fatigue was wearing on him he realized, his brogue always got thicker the more tired he became.

The blasted girl just put her hands on her ship and shook her head at him.

"I heered what I heered, Doc. You do not have to come, but I am not going to go a-leavin' a poor critter out in the dark, a-wanting it's Mama!"

Neil sighed at the prospect of hunting around in the dark for an elusive sound, however he could not let Ruby Mae go roaming around alone.

"Ok, let's go out there, "Neil replied in resignation, "but if we don't find it fast I am coming back here and will go to bed, understand?"

Ruby Mae nodded her head so vigorously her pigtails bounced all around her head.

It was a good thing Doc was here, he would be handy if the poor critter needed patching up.


	7. Morphine

The night was beginning to be sultry; the air seemed to close in both of them as they began the hunt. To make matters worse, the moon was soon obscured by a thick blanket of clouds, making seeing anything almost impossible.

Neil was hoping desperately that it was only a lost animal; he really was not up to doctoring an injured animal at this time of night.

He was looking in all of the underbrush, and had even looked around the mission and scoured the bunkhouse and around the school, but there was no sound and no sign of a lost animal, despite Ruby Mae's assertions that "She had heard, what she heard." At last he turned to her, "I can't find anything at all out here, I think you must have just heard the trees groaning or something."

Ruby Mae put her hands on her hips, insulted, "I know what a tree screetcin' sounds like Doc, and that ain't what I heerd, I heered a hurt baby animal, and I ain't goin in till I find it!" Her red hair positively flamed with indignation in the lantern light.

Neil sighed, "Fine, once more around, and then I am going to bed, no ifs, ands, or buts, nothing will keep me awake!" He glared with assumed ferocity at the determined girl.

She huffed at him and stumped off indignantly towards the underbrush, then stopped and started off towards the school, Neil was temped to follow her, but decided to do a last patrol around the brush, if there was an animal out here that is where he would find it.

He was almost done with his final inspection when he heard an uncertain, quavering call from the schoolhouse; Neil dutifully turned his steps toward the schoolhouse wondering how Ruby Mae had found anything at all without a light. He stumped up the stairs, his footsteps seeming to echoing loudly in the night. He abruptly smacked into Ruby Mae who was standing frozen in the doorway of the school house. Irritated he took her by the shoulders and set her to the side. The moon suddenly came out of the clouds, bright and full, shining in the small schoolhouse, streaming in through the windows.

Neil stepped past the girl, then stopped in his tracks, he felt as if all of the air in his lungs were suddenly sucked out.

There was a small pile of clothing scattered carelessly around on the floor, but what his eyes were focused on was a slender form lying on the floor completely naked, the body pooled by a dark liquid.

He tried to move, but was completely paralyzed, wanted to scream, but there was no air in his lungs, he could only stand there his eyes taking in the sight but his mind unable to accept it. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him,

"Doc, you got to help her! Wake up! Doc?" Hearing hysteria in her voice seemed to bring back to some semblance of normalcy. He turned to her and tried to tell her to get help from the mission but no sound came out, but Ruby Mae guessed at what he wanted to do and nodded her head, 'I'll go get Miz Ida right away!" Neil heard her footsteps running to the mission. He slowly stepped towards the silent figure hoping against hope that it would not look as bad close up. He set the lamp down and knelt beside her, reaching for her clothes to cover her up with, picking some of them up he grimaced, they were soaked in blood; and with growing rage he saw that none of the clothes would have offered any cover anyway, they had all been shredded to the size of a hankie, quickly he unbuttoned and pulled off his shirt and laid it over top of her. "No, Christy..." he whispered in anguish.

He tried to find where the bleeding was coming from, but there was so much blood and so little light it was not really possible to tell.

A raging fury was growing in the back of his mind over this desecration but he resolutely pushed it back, knowing it would only hinder his ability to help her.

He brushed back her hair that was tousled over her face, trying to ascertain if she had any head injury. He was stunned to find that hers eyes were open and looking at him, but not with any recognition, there was only a blank mask of horror. "Oh, God, Christy, Lass," he groaned helplessly rocking back on his heels. She blinked, but gave no other response; her eyes were still empty and dull. Neil heard the mission door slam and agitated voices coming toward them, he reached out to take her hand, Christy did not move but she gave a tiny cry that sounded like a kitten in distress.

Neil backed away and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths till he heard Ida and Ruby Mae coming into the schoolhouse. Ida gasped and ran up to Christy covering her with a blanket. "Ruby Mae, go to the kitchen and boil water, and get all of Miss Alice's bandages from the cabinet, Now GO!" Ruby Mae scurried off with a last tearful look over her shoulder.

"Doctor MacNeil, Will you help me to get her to the Mission?" Ida prodded.

"Yes, of course, but she is terrified, I don't think she recognized me, I don't think you can carry her alone, and I don't want to scare her anymore," he said uncertainly. Ida sized him up, somewhat taken aback at his confusion, usually he was the on with all of the orders.

"Well, why don't we lay her on the blanket, you get one end and I get the other like a stretcher?"

"Great idea." Neil said quickly, furious at himself for not being able to focus on what was needed.

He and Ida gently positioned the blanket behind her and rolled her onto it.

Ida gasped, "Doctor, I think you had better see this!" He hurried over and saw a knife wound in her chest, it was bleeding profusely, now he knew where all of the blood was coming from.

"Come on Ida, we need to hurry!" he barked out, lifting his corners of the blanket and heading out to the mission.

The mission was still and dark in the moonlight, it seemed somehow to be so wrong that there could be anything normal now, Neil thought, Christy had become almost one in his mind with the mission, how could it look so quiet and peaceful, when she was so damaged and broken?

The walk to the porch seemed to be one of the longest walks he had ever made, he wanted to almost run, but was forced to pace himself with Ida, taking care to not jostle his beloved, er, injured, patient.

Then at last they were entering the house, Ida wanted to take her to the couch but he was insistant that they take her up to her room. Carefully they maneuvering her up the stairs, then into her room and on to the neatly made bed bed.

Ruby Mae brought up water and the bandages then was quickly shooed out of the room to fetch his bag. Now the excruciating part of examining her injuries began. For his own reasons he started to focus on her head and lungs after he had put a quick compress on the knife wound. He could tell Ida was very puzzled by his lack of attention to the most serious wound. He worked swiftly, almost feverishly, to finish the examination. As if the greater speed he used, it would seem the less of a violation. Soon he had to slow down, Christy began to wake up and move about feebly.

Christy was disoriented and kept trying to weakly fight him off, flailing her hands wildly, and giving little whimpering cries, He had to ask Ida to hold her hands for him, but even with her hands held she still tried to fight, despite Ida's tender words and reassurances. Her eyes were wild and uncomprehending, reminding him of a fatally wounded animal in a trap that he had seen as a child.

It almost broke his heart to see her like this; he desperately wanted to do something, anything to help her.

Once his exam was complete he yelled out for Ruby Mae to bring up the needle she had been sterilizing.

He winced as she pounded up the stairs, hoping she did not drop it. She did not, and delivered it safely into his hand.

Once he had it, his hand trembling ever so slightly he took out a vial from his bag, he filled the needle to a certain level, and inserted it into a vein. He watched as Christy's fighting became more sporadic, then ceased altogether, her arms falling limply on the bed. Then last of all her eyes closed as she slipped into a morphine induced sleep .

Neil knew it was risky, there was still the slight chance that she had a significant head injury, in which case he might have just killed her, he would probably never have taken the risk for anybody else, but he felt that he had to give her the little escape that he could.

Now that she was asleep they began the task of assessing her injuries, and cleaning her up, by the time they were done, Ida was weeping and shaking, and Neil felt as if he had been beaten. From the looks of things he could guess that Ida had been confronted with things that no one, even doctors should have to see.

He had left the most delicate areas to Ida to inspect; only giving directions if she asked for help, but still he had seen enough to set his blood on fire and give him the impulse to hunt down and kill the men that had perpetrated this outrage. "By God, I would do to if I was not the only doctor here!" he thought to himself with passion.

It was agreed that in the morning when Miss Alice came he would ride to a neighbors to give alarm so all could be on watch and warn the to be women especially careful.

once he was certain that Christy would not wake for hours Neil went down to the living room to sleep on the couch, while Ida slept on the floor next to the bed.

But he did not sleep; he just tossed and turned, hearing Ruby Mae's soft sobs from upstairs. Finally concluding that sleep wound elude him, he got up to check on Christy.

Her breathing was still shallow, and she had a thready pulse that he did not like.


	8. Christy

**Christy's pov **

It hurt to breathe; it was so dark, too dark to see her surroundings no matter how much she strained. She felt numb and dazed some how, her mind was fuzzy, it was so hard to think. She tried to think of what happened to her, but the only things she could recall were disjointed impressions that did not make sense to her, she could see the legs of a desk, and then remembered pain, sharp and terrifying.

Something was wrong somehow, but she could not put it together; at first she thought she was in her room, but she was on something hard, it was then that she noticed she was cold, a surprising fact since it was rather warm and humid.

She tried to move, but nothing happened, alarmed, she tried again and this time found she could move, but the pain in her chest was so great she gasped then lay still afraid to move, afraid to breathe.

She tried to concentrate and think things through to find out what had happened to her. but her memory was a complete blank. Then it she was getting flashes of memory, she could remember being on the porch at night, and then she could remember a pain as she tripped over something, but it was not in her room, where was it? Nothing was making sense to her at the moment. She could recall mens voices, but the words were unintelligible. Frustration mounted up in her at her confusion, she attempted to move once again, she was having a strange undefined feeling of horror, which was constantly in the back of her mind urging her to get away from the place she was at. Not knowing where she was going or what she was running from she attempted to raise herself on her hands but the pain asserted its grip on her. Christy slumped onto the floor, crushed, bruised, violated, and unconscious.

The next time she awoke she knew, she knew what had happened, what had been done to her. The reality crashed upon her and she lay there whimpering, too stunned to think of moving, too weak to call out, in growing misery she wondered why she was still alive.

Christy lay there, not sure of what to do, she did not think she could get up on her own, the pain was too great for that. She could hear voices in the distance coming from the mission, Doctor MacNeil's Scottish burr and Ida's thin voice twisted and twined into the night.

Suddenly she wanted to get away from there before anyone found her. With the instincts of a wild and wounded animal she sought escape and seclusion She tried to struggle to her feet but gave a strangled gasp that ended in a whimper.

There was nothing that she could do, she could not escape, and she was totally helpless, naked and vulnerable. She was not sure how long she was there; time seemed to be so odd, it was either a very long time ago or none at all, when she was attacked.

Then Christy heard voices, Ruby Mae and Neil's coming closer to her, she held her breath praying they would go away, suddenly she was seized with a terrible fear that the men would come back. Their voices faded in and out, coming close then receding in the distance, but she did not really care, as long as they did not come close she would be fine…

In an instant she froze in fear, footsteps came up the stairs, a shrill voice cried out, and then another set of heavier footsteps came into the school house.

After a moment they approached closer to her, then the figure bent over her and she could see a familiar form, but she could not place it, it was still a danger. Her heart started to race uncontrollably and she felt raw terror.

Then suddenly, she felt a hand on hers, panic washed over her, she remembered other hands and the violation they had done, she cried out in terror and tried to get away, but just as suddenly, the form withdrew.

Then there were sounds and movements, more voices came in and out.

Hands! There were hands on her again, she must fight, but it hurt... she must get away from them...

She was being lifted, rolled what were they doing to her? She was being moved somewhere. Who had her?

It hurt to be moved, she must speak up and tell them to put her down, the motion and swaying were too much for her to bear...

Stairs, she was being taken up some stairs.

She was in a house, the light from the oil lamps seemed dazzlingly bright to her.

She was taken out of the blanket and put in a bed she did not want to be there.

Then there were hands on her again, she tried to fight them off like she had earlier, but it was just as futile, her hands were held and she was too weak to escape.

Her head was hurting, she wanted to get away to some place of refuge so badly, but there seemed to be no way out, she felt trapped. Shadowy figures loomed over her, they moved in and out of her vision rapidly, They were saying things to each other, then a soft whimper of a woman crying was audible, it confused Christy, she did not feel as if she was crying.

Her vision cleared for a moment and she could see her room and Ida crying, but Ida was standing close to a man, Christy's eyes widened and her breath came in gasps, as she fought to get away from the demoniacal figure that was approaching. Tears started to form at the corner of her eyes and trickle down her cheeks.

Then there was a pinch of a needle being inserted, she gave a little jump and tensed all her body up to resist and fight this monster. Then in seconds an odd lethargy seemed to steal the last remaining ounce of strength she possessed, she felt a relaxation wash over her, and then there was nothing, nothing except the faintest memory of gentle blue eyes that were filled with tears as they looked down into hers.


	9. Awake

There was a hushed stillness in the air. The moon was weaker, only giving off a thin and distant memory of the light it had held earlier as it slid down to the horizon.

The light was hardly enough to illuminate the dark bedroom that Christy was laying in.

Neil paused in the center of the room; Ida's heavy breathing seemed to be inordinately loud in the thick stillness of the room.

He was so angry at what happened to Christy, he almost for a moment forgot the pain she must be in, even in her sleep.

Neil found himself raging at a world that could destroy such a pure thing, so innocent and childlike.

He raged at God for letting it happen, he raged at David for not being there to prevent it, even at Christy for not being more cautious.

There ceased to be any rational to his fury, he moved to a tiny sewing rocker in the corner of the room and sat down, moving restlessly in starts, shifting his weight violently as his emotions piled up on him. It was a long night, one that seemed as if it could not end, he moved his chair over closer to the bed, wanting to be as close to her as he could, to try and protect her from the pain and suffering with his own body, but, he thought bitterly, it was to late for that.

He sat there crouched by the side of the bed till there was a faint lightening of the sky in the east, a cool fresh breeze drifted into the room, carrying a breath of fall into the room, it got cooler quickly as a cold front settled in over the mountains.

A soft sound of hoof beats came from the direction of the stables. Neil sat up straight and drew in a deep breath, Miss Alice must have started back well before dawn to arrive this early.

Neil got up, his face hard and impassive, he did not like the task that he was about to do, telling a friend that the girl she looked on as a daughter had been brutally raped.

He went down the stairs and went out to meet her in the stables.

After he had told her of the night's event, he took her horse to the stables to care for him. Alice's cry when she got the news still was ringing in his ears, but after the initial shock she had composed herself and gone into see Christy.

He sarcastically wondered what religious maxim would be in her mind to help her through this, not that he really begrudged anything that would help Alice at the moment, it was just so infuriating to be surrounded by people that had a completely irrational view of the world.

From the mission he could hear the sounds of breakfast being prepared, the smell of bacon and biscuits. This was a surprise, he must have been out here longer than he thought.

Goldie shifted uncomfortably under the too vigorous brushing she was receiving.

Neil patted the horse apologetically, and hung the brush up on a nail. He checked up on Charlie, who was looking for a treat, giving him a bit of hay, Neil sighed.

He could feel fatigue pulling at him, slowing down his brain. He gave his head a quick shake to clear it. Then he headed to the kitchen realizing he was starving, then felt a pang of guilt that he could be so hungry at a time like this.

Ida was in the kitchen, trying to work around Ruby Mae, who was hindering every effort she tried to help.

"How is Christy?" Neil asked.

"She is still sleeping; Alice is up with her now." Ida replied, her eyes dark and puffy from the long night she had endured.

Neil nodded and started up the stairs, when he got to Christy's room he could see Alice beside the bed, her face aged and worn, her shoulders bowed in grief.

He hesitated at the threshold, not wanting to intrude on her grief, he stood there hesitating.

"Neil, come in." Alice said in a low voice.

He stepped into the room, and looked at Christy, She was beginning to show some of the affects from the night before, dark bruises marred her face.

But the most serious injury physically was the broken ribs and knife wound to her chest. He stepped over to the bed looking for any sign of returning consciousness; he checked her pupils and breathing, everything was unchanged from an hour ago.

Ida called from down stairs that breakfast was ready; Alice said that she wanted to stay, so Neil went down alone.

He put away his breakfast mechanically, not really tasting the food, totally oblivious to Ruby Mae's nervous chatter.

After breakfast he went up to relieve Alice's vigil and let her have time to change and eat breakfast. He sat beside Christy, hurting for her with every breath he drew, there seemed to be a vice across his chest. He reached out and took her slender hand in his, wanting to some how hold her and keep the pain away. It was a fact of life that everyone would hurt in there lives, he knew that, but it did not seem right that someone as, as child-like as she was should suddenly be heaped with more pain than many would go through in a lifetime. He shook his head and pushed the thoughts from his mind.

She would be coming out of her sleep any time now. He sat there beside her for an hour or more at times dozing off ever so slightly, only vaguely aware of Alice joining him in the room.

His head was beginning to ache and throb with the lack of sleep and stress.

Then he felt a slight twitch of her fingers on his, he called out to Alice then bent over her, calling to her softly.

"Christy, can you hear me?" he squeezed her fingers gently, then rubbed her hand trying to get her to open her eyes, then slowly she did, her eyelids fluttering then coming fully open.

His eyes met hers, and he was surprised to see a total absence of fear or terror in them, there was pain to be sure, but no panic, or any other emotion he would have expected. She smiled up at them weakly, "Hello Miss Alice, when did you get back? How is Jeb doing?"

Alice took the other hand and replied to the question, and was giving a update on Jeb's condition, when Christy gave a small yawn like a tired child and snuggled down into her pillow, her eyes drooping as she slipped down into oblivion again, the last tendrils of morphine asserting themselves.

Neil looked at Alice perplexed at Christy's preternatural calm.

Alice looked at him and replied to his unspoken puzzlement, "She does not remember."

Neil rubbed his hand over his face in worry, he was not sure if it was a sign of a head injury or a case of her mind blocking out that which it was not equipped to deal with.

Fear began to assert itself, stridently, angrily demanding to be heard. What was he thinking giving her morphine? What if it was not just a return to sleep she had gone into, if the memory loss was due to a head injury, he could conceivably be killing the one he wanted most to help.

His breath came short and quick as he stood there second guessing himself, his hand shaking as he tried to clear his mind and think more constructively.

But he only could stand helpless as his mind went wild, fear washing over him in waves. Suddenly he stepped up to the bed and started shaking her urgently, "Christy? Wake up, can you hear me, come on Christy, you must wake up!"

He shook so hard that her head bounced up and down on the pillow, Alice rushed over staring at him puzzled, she did not know what was going on, she was afraid that there was something wrong with Christy, but she had been fine only a few moments before.

Christy's eyes jolted open at the rough treatment her blue eyes wide and startled.

She looked up at Neil in confusion, then her eyes glazed and she pulled herself out from his hand and struggled to sit up and get out of the bed. He grabbed her shoulders to keep her on the bed, and Alice was at her side trying to soothe her. But it was no use, Christy started to cry out hysterically and fight them screaming "NO!" at the top of her lungs.

It was then that Neil realized that the only thing he had done in his panic was to pull her back into the nightmare.

He stepped back from the bed, allowing Alice to take over; his head ache reached monumental proportion. He stared out the window; the sun was bright and seemed to be brighter and harsher than he could remember, in spite of it cooling off. There almost seemed to be a savage brightness to everything.

He walked out of the room and part of the way down the stairs, but it was no good, he could still hear Christy's cries, suddenly his stomach contracted and he rushed down the stairs and out of the mission retching.


	10. Never be safe again

Christy stirred restlessly under the covers, the quilt seemed to weigh a ton and be pinning her to the bed. further adding to her discomfort her side was very sore; she could feel a sharp pain in her side when she drew a breath. She attempted to reduce the pain by taking shallower breaths, but this just made her dizzy.

There was fuzziness to her thoughts, a kind of mental lethargy that was puzzling to her; she had never felt this way before.

Then she suddenly remembered the events of the night, of going out to the schoolhouse to get a book, then all of the events that followed after that. She lay still under the covers staring at the ceiling, letting it all sink in.

She remembered being in her schoolroom and strange hands on her body, heard the sounds of her clothing being ripped off, could hear her pleas and muffled cries... then nothing until she was being shook awake by Neil. It was almost too much her for her to comprehend all at once.

It seemed impossible for this to have happened to her, just twenty four hours ago she was teaching a country school and her life was unchanged, now she would never be the same. This was incredible, this could not be happening to her, there must be a mistake somewhere, ...

She let out a small whimper; swiftly Miss Alice moved to the side of the bed, "Christy, is thee alright?" Christy just looked up at her and grabbed her hand tightly, desperately clinging on to her friend.

Alice stroked her forehead in silence, Christy's pain mirrored in her own eyes.

Then Alice broke the silence and said, "Would thee care for some water?"

When Christy nodded she brought a cup over and assisted her to drink. Then she handed her a small pill, "Here, Neil left this for you."

Christy hesitated as she took the pill, she suddenly connected that Neil had been there, he knew what had happened to her, and it added another depth of shame to her realization of the events.

Somehow she did not want him to have known what had happened to her, that she had been violated then discarded like trash.

Suddenly tears started to flow and she blindly reached out for the comfort of Miss Alice's arms. But strangely enough once enveloped in her friends embrace the only feeling was one of displacement, she felt silly for seeking comfort like a small child,suddenly she felt too old to be there, eons too old.

She pulled back with a sigh,wincing in pain and slid down on her pillow, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

The next time she woke up the sun was setting, it was tinting everything in her room with an orange glow. There were footsteps in her room and low voices. It was Alice and Doctor MacNeil. She turned her head to see them; they were coming closer to the bed, Neil looked down at her with a smile, but it was only his mouth smiling, not his eyes Christy noticed.

"Hello Christy, How are you feeling?"

Christy pulled the covers up higher to her chin, "I'm fine" she whispered averting her eyes.

Alice spoke up softly, "Christy, we need to clean out the wounds, do you understand?"

Christy nodded and let go of the covers as Alice folded them down.

She fought very hard to control herself, feeling naked and exposed, then, as she felt Neil's gentle hands peeling off the bandage a wave of revulsion swept over her. She shivered convulsively, Neil looked up sharply and saw the look of fear and disgust on her face. He was hurt, and even angry for a moment, he knew that Christy's reaction was natural, but it still hurt for her to draw back in disgust from him. It was opposed to everything he had dedicated his life to, his hands were used to heal and bring comfort, but now he was being equated with a rapist. His lips thinned to a hard line and his eyes narrowed.

But his hands were as gentle as ever.

After he finished with the stab wound he turned his attention to another on her chest that was turning dark at the edges and beginning to show signs of festering, it had puzzled Alice earlier and she was concerned that it looked as if it was getting infected.

Alice had not been able to determine what had caused the wound, but Neil who had patched up more drunken brawlers than he cared to imagine, placed it immediately, and he felt a roar of primal rage building up as he saw tooth marks.

He cleaned it as well as he could, and then left the room while Alice helped Christy change clothes.

It had been arranged that Alice was staying with her in the first part of the night, and then Neil was going to check on Christy, and stay with her for the rest of the night, while she was asleep.

Neil knew the logical course of action was too go down stairs and make his bed on the couch, but all he wanted to do was hover outside her door, to be as close as he poss ably could. With a heavy sigh he turned and forced himself to the starcase and the living room for a few fitfull hours.

Neil woke almost instantly at two a.m., as he was heading up the creaking stairs he heard the clock strike the hour.

He stepped into the room and saw Alice almost slumped out of her chair, her blanket in a heap on the floor; he walked up to and placed his hand on her shoulder, she woke up and blinked at him, he leaned down and whispered forvher to go to her room to get some sleep.

After she left he settled into the tiny uncomfortable rocker that was somehow so very much like Christy, petite, dainty, yet strong.

He settled into a fitful doze waking up every few moments to ascertain Christy was still asleep.

Then his doze deepened and he succumbed to a restless sleep, hours later he was jerked out of his sleep by Christy who was thrashing and panting in her bed.

He jumped out of the chair and rushed to her side, "Christy, it's Neil, I'm here, you're safe." He tried to sooth her but she began to thrash so frantically he was alarmed that she would fall out of the bed, she was struggling against him crying "No!...no!...no!..."Tears were coursing down her cheeks as she fought in her dreams against her assailant.

Neil held her on the bed as well as he could all the while trying to calm her down, and get her to come back to reality, finally he stopped restraining her arms and cupped her face with his hands, "Christy, can you hear me? Christy, you need to wake up now, Christy!…" Then her blue eyes met his and a glimmer of recognition dawned in them, "Neil?" she whimpered, he reached down and took her hand, "Shhh", he hushed, "You're safe Christy." She clung desperately to his hand "No, no I'm not, they came back for me, both of them. They came back for me." He noticed a slight edge of hysteria in her voice.

"That will never happen" he reassured her in his most convincing voice, Christy turned to him eagerly, "Did the sheriff get them, are they found?" Neil winced inwardly; He doubted they even knew about the attack at this point.

"They will be caught soon, don't worry Christy, nothing is going to happen to you."

Christy turned away, but not before Neil saw the fear in her eyes.

"They will come back, I will never be safe again, they said so."

Neil stood up suddenly and strode to the corner and got a syringe out of his bag, he filled it with another dose of morphine and administered the dose in a slightly preoccupied manner, he sat beside Christy till she started to fall into a deep sleep, then he bent over her for a brief moment. Then he walked out of the room to get Alice to stay with her for the rest of the night.

He told Alice that he needed to go back to his cabin to get some more supplies, and change clothes. "I am not sure how long it will take, I also should go check on Jeb and see if he is alright as well, so I could be gone for a while, but you are a good nurse , I am sure Christy will be fine with you watching over her." Alice looked at him in puzzlement as he strode out to the stable and got his horse ready, there was a difference in him she had never seen before, his face seemed set and grim in the lantern light as he walked out of the mission.

It was a trying time for all of them she reflected as she went up to Christy's room; she would say a prayer for his guidance.


	11. Chapter 11

When Christy woke up in the morning she could see Alice asleep in her rocker. She looked around but there was no sign of Doctor MacNeil in the room, there was something about last night that was in the back of her head, but she could not put a finger on what it was.

She heard a thumping of boots on the porch and the sound of them being scraped off, then wiped on the mat, she knew it must be David. He was the only one she knew that was so careful about tracking mud into a house.

There was a smell of coffee wafting up the stairs and the sound of muffled conversation as David talked to his sister. There was a sharp exclamation from him and the sound of him running up the stairs, his knock at the door woke Alice,

"Neil? Is thee back so soon?"

"Alice, it's me David, may I come in?" Alice sighed and walked to the door and opened it.

"Alice, I just heard, is Christy alright, what happened to her?" Alice stepped out the door and shut it softly.

Christy tried to listen but could not hear what was being said, there was a deep groan from David, then nothing.

Christy curled up under her covers and pretended to be asleep, she wanted to be asleep, then there was the sound of the door opening, and then the familiar fear hit Christy, she began to tremble waiting for her attackers to come in the room, but it was only Miss Alice. Alice saw she was awake and came over to the bed, "Christy, does thee need anything?"

"Who was it at the door Miss Alice?" she asked.

"It was David dear; he wanted to see how you were." Christy shook her head in panic,

"No, Miss Alice I don't want him to see me, don't let him in here! Please!" Alice patted her shoulder reassuringly

"He did not come in Christy, in fact I sent him to El Pano to telegram your parents." She paused to see if she would react, but not getting a response from Christy she asked, "Would you like me to bring up some breakfast to you?"

"No, I am not hungry." Alice paused as if she would insist, then she sighed and shut the door and went down the stairs.

Christy looked out the window at the mountains; they were a deep early morning blue, wreathed in fog. She watched as the fog was gradually burning away in the morning sun as it got higher in the sky.

She knew now for a fact that God had abandoned her, if he was even real.

All of her life she had been taught that she was to love and serve him, and do his work , and in return He would be there for her when she needed Him , and He would protect her from harm, there were even whole chapters in the Bible that were devoted to that one theme. Now here she was a living contradiction to them.

She began to feel angry at how she had believed for so long in a lie.

There seemed to be no justice in the world, she had tried so hard to help others and be a good person, but in the end there was nothing to it, just her trying to fulfill a lot of self-imposed obligations. There was nothing more to her actions than her actions, no deep spiritual meaning or significance; things were just what they were.

Christy spent the rest of the morning thinking along this line. Till she was too exhausted to think any more, then she would slip into a restless sleep, always awakening in fear of the men being in her room. The very shadows were menacing her; she tried to be rational about it but some how she could not. Fear seemed to swirl and eddy about her like water.

Alice changed her dressings in the afternoon, and could not quite hide her uneasiness, at the state of the bite wound. Alice desperately wished Neil would hurry back with the medicine.

At lunch she was brought up a tray containing soup and fresh bread, Christy stared at the steam softly rising from the bowl. It seemed to be almost hypnotic in its affect on her, but she did not mind because she did not remember the past events when she concentrated on the various complex patterns it formed, she picked at the bread and crumbled some up in her soup to give the allusion of her having eaten more than she actually had.

She did not feel the slightest twinge of guilt for her subterfuge, a week ago she would have never even have considered it. It was odd how a person can change so quickly she reflected.

There was a lot of activity downstairs; word of what happened had spread faster than a cold bug; many in the Cove came by to drop off a small token for "teacher" and to check on her well being. It made it hard to get any rest, the walls and floors in the wood building were anything but sound–proof.

At last as evening came again and the shadows deepened till they disappeared altogether, it was quieter, Christy avoided eating dinner by pretending to be asleep when Miss Ida brought up her tray.

But in reality Christy was anything but sleepy, she was in a considerable amount of pain, and it seemed as if her mind just would not turn off, Miss Alice came in and started to read the Bible to her in a low voice, but it agitated and annoyed Christy till she asked, "Miss Alice, could you please leave me alone to sleep for a while?"

Alice stood up her eyes troubled, "Certainly dear, can I get you anything before I go?"

Christy shook her head, and when Alice bent down to kiss her she pulled away.

She did not want the pitying closeness of the people around her; she was beginning to realize that this was something she was going to have to fight through herself.

Her eyes traveled around her darkened room. She could hear the sound of the stream out side running into the darkness; it had such a mournful sound as it traveled down the mountain. She wished that she could be there sitting on its bank, seeing the moon reflected in the swirling waters.

She almost considered trying to get up, but she knew it was close to impossible; it hurt too much to sit upright, let alone stand up and walk.

She wondered why she had not been given any more pain medication, she really wanted it, but it had not been offered to her, that brought to her attention that doctor MacNeil had not been in to see her all day, it was a relief to her on one hand, she did not want to have to be around him and be vulnerable, but on the other hand some kind of relief from the pain would be very welcome.

She decided to ask for some the next time someone came into her room, but it was a long time before Ida came in , And when Christy asked about something for the pain Ida got a stressed look on her face and said she would go get Alice.

Half an hour passed then Alice came up with some herbal tea for her, Alice said it would help with the pain, but it was hours before she could forget the pain and fall asleep.


	12. Pain

The sun seemed to rise very slowly the next morning, it was a crimson sunrise that painted everything it touched with a bloody tinge, the mountains seemed very black and foreboding against the sky, the breeze that curled in at Christy's window was humid and slightly acrid smelling.

Christy stirred in discomfort under the sheets, she had started to run a fever in the night, and it had gotten warmer, both factors combined to make her bed soaked with persperation and her hair plastered to her forehead. Christy felt more miserable than she had ever before felt in her life.

She looked toward the corner of the room expecting to see Alice there, but she was alone in her room,when she stirred the pain was excruciating, she could not wait for Miss Alice or Neil to come in her room.

"Miss Alice? Hello?!"

She heard steps coming to her door then Alice came in.

"Christy, Is thee alright?"

She walked over and felt Christy's forehead, making note of the fever. Christy looked up at Alice.

"Miss Alice, it hurts so much, can you give me anything for the pain?"

Alice reached out and brushed her hair from face,

"I can fix some more of the tea, but I don't have medicine, Neil went for some and should be back soon. I am sorry Christy, is thee in much pain?"

"It hurts to breathe." Christy responded.

"That would be your broken ribs, just try and be as still as you can till Neil gets back, I will fix you some of the tea, and bring it up to you, would you like some breakfast?

Christy shook her head, and then turned to stare out of the window.

There was a large bank of clouds that had formed and was swiftly moving towards them, it was almost dark again; the clouds had piled up thick and heavy obscuring the sun as it came over the mountains. The wind picked up with a shuddering moan, and then started to roar mournfully around the corners of the house.

Papers that were still on her desk, waiting to be graded rustled and fluttered as the wind caught them, then swirled onto the floor as a gust burst into the room. Alice came in the room with her tea, placed it on her bedside table, and then bent to pick up her papers that were scattered on the floor.

Alice went to the window and was pulling it shut, when she exclaimed,

"Why, what ever in the world!"

"What is it Miss Alice?" asked Christy.

"John Spencer is in the yard, I need to go down and let him in out of the wind, will thee be alright Christy?"

Christy nodded as Alice hurried out of the room and down the stairs. She wondered what would bring John out so early and in such weather. She tried sipping the tea, it was horribly bitter , she made a face and decided to forgo drinking the rest, the pain would be preferable, well, at least she would put off drinking it as long as she could.

Where was Neil? it was not fair of him to leave with out seeing they had the supplies that were needed, this was totally uncharacteristic of him, in fact she was sure this kind of thing had never happened before to any of his patients. It was probably the difference of a big city practice and a small back woods practice, in the city the physician would not know her and would not have had to leave because he was to repulsed to be near to her any longer, better yet, if she were in the city this would never have happened to her at all! She would not be here in pain, unable to get any relief from it, her mother and father would have secured the best there was, and she was sure that she would not be in any where near this level of discomfort.

Christy jumped as there was a loud bang outside that jolted her out of her thoughts; one of the shutters had blown loose and was slamming against the building. She heard Alice coming up the stairs again, the door creaked open.

"Christy is thee asleep?" Alice whispered softly.

"No, what did John need, is Jeb okay?"

"He is fine, here; I brought you some more pain medicine."

Christy accepted it gratefully washing it down with some of the herbal tea.

Alice left the room saying she would get John to refasten the shutter.

The tea left a very bitter after taste in her mouth, turning to look in vain for some water to wash the taste out with, Christy noticed that there was a letter on her table next to her tea cup, it was from her mother, Alice must have brought it up with the pills, she picked it up and tore the flap, grimacing, she hated how messy it looked but she did not have a letter opener near to her. Christy read the letter then tossed it aside bitterly, it was not long, just a note, saying that they had decided to go visit her aunt Rose for a couple of weeks. They would not be able to get the telegram, for days now; she did not know how to get in touch with them in Baltimore.

She knew it was silly , but it almost seemed as if they had abandoned her when she needed them the most, they wrote the letter days ago, before her attack, but she still felt even more abandoned and alone.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, her throat had a lump in it, and she clenched her fists fighting back the tears.

There was a sharp crack of lightning outside, then the sound of raindrops on the tin roof , the sound filled her room , the rushing of the rain, the way it seemed to be whispering "Wait for me, Wait for me" as it fell on the roof. Drowsily she wondered what it was that the rain wanted her to wait for, then the narcotics in the pills took effect and she fell asleep.

Downstairs Alice looked out at the rain, she was worried where Neil was, he had sent John Spencer with the pain killers, but there was no indication of when he would be back, Alice was worried about the fever Christy was running, she was afraid she would develop an infection, it was a story that she had seen all too many times in the cove, the person survived a injury only to succumb to a secondary infection. Alice stopped for a moment, then her lips moving in prayer, then she sighed and went into the kitchen to help with breakfast.

It rained all of the rest of the day, making it damp and miserable for all at the mission, Miss Ida began to wonder it they would have and breakables left in the house by evening after Ruby Mae had broken two bowls, a pitcher and stuck her broom handle through the glass on the clock just before supper a very wet David got back from El Pano. His first question was how Christy was doing; Alice told him that she had refused lunch.

"What does Neil say?" he asked in concern.

"Neil has not been here since early yesterday morning." Alice stated.

"WHAT!" David exploded "Where did he go? What was more important to him than Christy? Why did he leave, what did he tell you? That is the coldest thing I have ever heard of!"

Alice was trying to calm David down, as Ruby Mae called that dinner was ready. David quieted his outburst but was still fuming inwardly at Neil leaving, as he went to dinner. He had always hated the way that Neil looked at Christy when she was not aware of it, and he had partially blamed him for Christy's refusal of his proposal, now she was hurt and helpless he just skipped out on her when she needed him the most, as low of an opinion as he had of Neil MacNeil David would never have thought him capable of this.

"…David." Alice prodded; causing his head to snap up and belatedly he realized that everyone was waiting for him to say grace. He mumbled a half apology about being tired, then said a perfunctory grace and started to eat.

Dinner was a silent, grim affair, even Ruby Mae did not seem to want to talk, a minor wonder.

After dinner was done Ida and Ruby Mae cleaned up and put away the leftovers. Alice took up a tray to Christy's room.

Christy was awake when she entered, she picked a little at the food not wanting to get a lecture from Miss Alice but soon the presence stopped and Christy pushed the tray away. Then Alice started to clean her wounds and put fresh bandages, there was a strange throbbing feeling around the wounds, it was a very deep painful throbbing, that Christy wished would go away.

She mentioned it to Miss Alice, who frowned and looked closer at the stab wounds, but said nothing.

Christy could not help but wonder where Neil was, it did not seem like him to stay away so long, but, it was probably that he was caught up at his cabin waiting for the storm to pass and was running late, but then she had gotten her painkillers this morning, maybe he had been in when she was asleep.

Or he was abandoning her like the rest of the world, that was really the only explanation that fit.

The rain stopped but the wind still whistled around the mission.

Alice stirred restlessly in her chair in Christy's room, she was so worried that Christy would not let her close anymore, she knew that she was in pain, that was the thing, she knew what Christy was going through, and could help her if only she would let Alice close enough.

David stared at the rough hewn rafters of his bunkhouse. He still could not believe what Alice had told him about what had happened to Christy. Once again he had to wonder what he was doing here, there was so much that needed to be done for the mountain people, but he had never been able to reach them. He had to wonder if it was any use in going on here. This was a huge sign that he had failed to reach the people here, it was disheartening, he had spent so much time preparing his sermons, trying to teach the inhabitants a better way of life, and this was all he got in return? This was hopeless.

Ruby Mae stirred under the covers; she was having trouble sleeping after all of the excitement of the past few days.

Ida room was dark and the sound of soft rhythmic breathing was the only thing to be heard.

Ruby Mae decided to creep down to the kitchen and get some gingerbread since she could not sleep; she tiptoed past Miss Christy's room and down the stairs into the kitchen, taking care to avoid the creaking boards and steps. As she stepped into the kitchen she stopped dead at the sight of a looming male figure in dark relief against the window, she turned and started to scream for help when a heavy hand clamped against her mouth.

"Don't be a fool, Ruby Mae!" a gruff voice snapped.

"Oh, Doctor Mac Neil, you scairet me so bad, I almost plumb flumped over!"

"What are you creeping down here at this time of night, for, Girl?" Neil demanded.

"I could not sleep so I thought I would... get a drink of water." she fibbed.

Then she stepped to the table fumbling for the matches, and struck a one to light the lamp. When it flared into brightness she noticed that Doc MacNeil looked terrible, his hair was tangled with dirt and sticks. His clothing was ripped and dirty and there were dark splotches on his face and arms, and exhaustion seemed to be etching new lines in his face.

He walked over to the water pail and started to wash up, rubbing his face and arms with soap, and combed his hair with his fingers. Then he picked up a rumpled plaid shirt from his saddle bag and buttoned it over the dirty shirt.

Then he turned to Ruby Mae,

" Not a word to anyone about this, hear?"

Ruby Mae nodded with a surprising amount of solemnity and understanding, her eyes dark and troubled.

Then he grabbed his bag and ran up the steps two at a time to Christy's room as Ruby Mae emptied out the water bucket, and helped herself to the gingerbread. Lots of it.

Neil slowly opened the door to Christy's room, Alice was with her as he expected, and he stepped over to the bed and stood looking at Christy. For a long time he just looked down at her,Then he tenetivly reached out to stroke her face, but pulled back abruptly as he heard Alice stirring in her chair.

He walked over close to her chair and called her name softly, she woke up instantly.

"Neil is that you? Where have you been?" her normally calm face was furrowed in puzzlement. "I was so worried about thee, then Christy started to get a fever and I was worried about infection, and I was not sure when you would be back, John Spencer said that you only stayed for an hour over there. Where did you go?" The normally calm woman seemed the slightest bit perturbed he thought .

Neil's face was impenetrable, enigmatic.

"I was delayed." was his brief and final answer.

Neil turned to Alice,

"I will be downstairs if you need me"

Then he went out of the room, Alice thought that she had never seen him so worn before.

When Christy woke up the next morning she had more energy, she was tired of being in bed and wanted to get up and out. But she knew she would not be allowed to for a while. She became aware of raised voices down stairs, it was David, and he was really tearing into someone. It was odd; she wondered what he was so angry about.

Shamelessly she tried to hear the voice that was responding, she recognized the Scottish burr to the voice, it was Neil, whatever could David be so angry at Neil for she wondered?

"…business, what I do!" Neil proclaimed, and then more garbled response from David,

"….just disappear on your own …irresponsible…

Then Alice came into her room with a tray, Christy asked what was going on but Alice just told her to focus on eating. Irritated Christy stiffened under the covers.

Then as Alice left the room other angry voices intruded in her mind, men, strange men, with voices that were harsh and loud. Christy shuddered and tried to block her ears, but inexorably her mind replayed the scene. She grabbed her quilt and pulled it up over her, curling up in a fetal position, not even feeling the pain in her chest. The dishes fell onto the floor shattering, but she did not even hear it.

The contentious sounds of angry voices stopped, and there was the sound of feet running up the stairs.

Neil followed by David ran into the room,

"Christy! What is wrong, are you okay?" David asked breathlessly. Then he noticed that she was buried under the covers.

Neil walked to the bed,

"Christy, lass? What is the matter, what happened?"

As he was trying to coax Christy out from under the covers Alice came in.

A muffled whimper came from Christy under the covers, Alice peeled the covers back and was comforting Christy.

Finally Christy was able to speak coherently,

"It was the fighting, I thought it was the men come back again, it sounded so frightening." She looked around and flushed at the sight of all of the people in her room.

Neil looked chagrined that his altercation had such an unintended consequence.

David still looked angry as he turned to Neil.

"If you had answered me like a man this would not have had to have happened!"

Neil's jaw clenched and his eyes started to throw sparks, but he just curtly indicated that David leave the room. David looked as if he would protest, but a look from Alice sent him on his way.


	13. Recovery

Christy stirred under the covers and peeked over the edge of the quilt, her room was empty. It was a dark night once again, but then again, that was nothing new, all her nights were dark now. She was feeling very restless and impatient, suddenly, she came to a decision.

She gingerly sat up, and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

"So far so good." she whispered to herself. She whimpered as she put weight on her feet and tried to stand up. It was painful, but she still persisted in shuffling slowly across the room to the window. She stood there, leaning heavily against the wall for a long time, her eyes closed, taking in the sounds of the frogs and crickets, and the trickle of water flowing down to the valley.

She knew she was getting better; the pain was still there, but not the debilitating weakness that she had felt earlier. This was the first time she could remember being this ill, she hated how weak and dependent it made her feel.

Miss Alice had told her that one of the wounds had become infected, but it had started to respond to treatment and Neil did not seem to think it was very serious anymore.

Christy stepped closer to the window and breathed on the glass fogging it, Neil…where had he gone, why had he left? The only thing that made any kind of sense to her was that he could not stand being around her now. Not that she could blame him, she would not much like to be around herself now either. Of course he had not shown it to her by the slightest action, he was too professional of a doctor for that, once he had gotten past of the worst of his feelings he would never let on, that was fine with her, she would make it easy on him and pretend she did not know that the thought of her disgusted him.

This was a very ugly thing, but it seemed as if she were twice victimized, once by the men, now by the changes of attitude by everyone around her. Not that they were unkind at all, exactly the opposite in fact, but the drastic change in attitude, their over solicitude; just brought it home more than ever what had happened. She supposed it was inevitable, but still it hurt, Neil had said he was her friend, and even though they had openly disagreed and outright fought with each other at times, they still were there for each other if the one needed help, even though Christy winced to remember the times she had offered less of a listening ear and more of a "opportunity to let God help" when he was troubled by something.

Alice had been more solicitous than was her usual habit, that was predictable, Christy just wished that she would stop trying to quote scriptures and trying to fix it with Christianity. She had begun to think that there were some things that could not be fixed by a verse or belief. There were so many questions that had been surging around in her head, at times it seemed too much for her to bear at once. She was feeling as if she had no more friends that cared for her, she had not received any visitors out side form the mission at all. And David and Alice trying to encourage her with the comfort of Christianity or the Bible rang hollow; it seemed to be a mockery of her belief that she was even in the place she was at. She had so many questions and no answers to resolve them with.

Christy was very tired all of the sudden, sighing she slowly halted back to bed and slipped under all of the covers.

There was a stirring down stairs, then creaking of boards, she heard someone coming up the staircase, it was Neil, she could tell by his footsteps, she turned her face away from the door and closed her eyes.

Neil came into the room with a lamp looking in at her and checking the window, he was sure that he had been awoken by the sounds of someone moving around upstairs. But once here, there was nothing to see, Christy was motionless in bed, and the room was deserted. Puzzled he sat in the chair; perhaps she was in pain and cried out in her sleep, he would just wait for a few minutes before returning to his downstairs couch. Neil patiently settled his rugged frame into the chair to wait.

As she was waiting for the doctor to leave Christy started to feel the pull of her tired body demanding sleep, she tried to fight it not wanting to descend to the terror that waited for her in her sleep, but soon she let it take over her. Christy fell asleep quickly but just as quickly spiraled down into the nightmares that waited for her whenever she slept.

Neil had dozed off, but was woken up by Christy tossing and turning in her bed, fighting against her assailants, her face wet with tears. He got up quickly and went to her bed, he shook her shoulders and tried to wake her up, that not working, he then slid his arm under her and lifted her against him, holding her in his arms; Christy quieted and nestled against him, he held her close to him till she had, fallen into a deep dreamless sleep.

Neil continued to hold her, his face worn and old in the dim light, a fierce struggle going on inside of him, a war between the two sides of him, the healer and the mountain man. He sat there, holding her close to his heart till the sun began to peak over the top of the mountains, and the roosters began to shrilly greet the morning.

The next morning Christy woke up and decided to sit up and dangle her feet out over the bed. She sat there trying to ignore the twinges all over her chest and ribs.

She felt remarkably more rested and relaxed this morning.

Looking up she could catch a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She did not recognize herself at first; her nose was a dark purple and deep burgundy. Her face was swollen and lumpy, asymmetrical. She just sat there in silence taking it all in, in the past she had been not exactly vain, but satisfied by appearing to her best advantage.

Well, that was over, she reflected, now she was as ugly outside as she was inside. She was so glad her Mother could not see her then; it would have been too hard for her to bear.

She heard a noise at the door and turned to see Miss Ida stepping in the room; Ida had obviously seen her staring at her reflection and was trying to redirect her attention.

"Breakfast for you, I kept it hot… why, what ever do you think you are doing sitting on the edge of the bed like that? Get back in bed at once! I wonder about you... are you trying to kill yourself, I wonder?"

As Ida fussed Christy turned back into her bed spiritless; after her tray had been taken away Doctor MacNeil came in to the room.

"What is this I hear about you getting up this morning?" he teased, glad to hear that she was beginning to take the steps to get up on her own, It was always a good sign when his patients started to do that.

Christy looked at him her eyes dull and expressionless, "I want to start to get up and walk." she told him.

He looked at her narrowly, "Are you sure you are up to it?" Christy nodded, "I got up and was walking around the room last night, and I was fine. I just can't stand to be here any more all caged up, I want to be able to be independent and to care for myself, I hate being waited on and everything being done for me, I can't stay in this bedroom anymore. I hate it!"

Neil put a restraining hand on her to quiet her down.

"Shh, lass, no need to get so worked up, if you want to move about a bit I think that would be fine, as long as someone is here with you at first till you are steady on your feet." He looked down at her expecting to see a smile at her victory, but her expression never changed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked hoping to penetrate her wall of reserve.

"Fine." She said curtly, she knew she was being horrible, but she did not know how to stop, it was like there was an evil dark Christy that had taken over her body, sniping at the people around her that only wanted to help her.

Neil raised an eyebrow, "I have patched up some pretty tough men up here in the mountains, but this is the first time I have been told a patent was feeling "fine" after some broken ribs, and multiple stab wounds.

"One" Christy corrected him.

"Excuse me?" Neil asked not following her.

"One knife wound, the other was a bite." She stated flatly. Neil visibly flinched and turned to look at her, Christy turned her back on him as he opened his mouth to speak,

"Would you please leave, Doctor?"

"I am going to send Alice up to help you move around, just don't over do it today."

As Neil made his escape down the stairs Christy felt a tinge of remorse, till she remembered that he was repulsed by her, so it was good she was pushing him away, if he did not have to be around her often, it would make it easer on them both.

Neil was troubled by her attitude, he knew it was not going to be easy for her, but it would not help if she was pushing everyone away, he had already noticed she had been pushing Alice away. It bothered him that he had no idea of how to reach her through her pain. He wanted so badly to be able to comfort her, but he had no idea what to do. With a heavy heart he went into the kitchen to talk to Alice.

Christy was already out of her bed and unsteadily making her was to the wardrobe to change into a dress and shoes, it was a long tortuous ordeal and when she finally got into her dress she nearly wept in frustration to find that it would not fasten around her waist the bandages having made it to bulky. Then in a flash of inspiration she pulled a coat on over the dress. Now nobody would have to know. It was a small triumph but it felt so good to finally have accomplished something, no matter how small. She could not manage the shoes, so she settled with carpet slippers.

She made her way over to her chair next to the window. She saw a flash of red hair coming out of the barn, it was the Doctor, and he was riding off to who knew where again, he mounted his horse and there was the solid sound of hooves on the ground as he trotted away, Christy's sad eyes followed him till he was around the curve and out of sight.

Alice came into the room "Well, I see thee did not waste any time on getting up," she smiled at the girl.

"I am about to be on my way to check on the Spencer's, will you be alright sitting here till I get back? Ida will be just down stairs if you need anything."

Christy nodded, "Could you get me my copy of 'The Lady of the Lake' please?"

Alice reached up to the bookcase and got it down for her.

She looked at Christy, she had some things she wanted to share with her, but she did not think that Christy could hear them now. Well, she would wait till she was ready, that time would come soon enough.

"Will thee be needing anything else?" she queried.

Christy shook her head and looked down to read her book. She loved the rhyme and meter, the lilting flow of the verse. And in a way it seemed very familiar to her, like it had never been in her previous readings. Maybe it was because she was living surrounded by the same mind set and traditions; they were all direct descendants of the Highland Scots, in the cove. In a way it was like being in a bubble of time. Christy turned back to her book and lost herself in the pages.

The shadows grew longer and Christy had to strain to read the words on the page, she began to get restless, and shifting around in her chair.

Then she got up to her feet, determination in her eyes.

"I'll do it!" she murmured. Slowly she stood up and shuffled over to the door, and went out into the hall, it was strange to see so much space all of the sudden, she had started to get accustomed to the small confines of her room. Then she carefully inched toward the stairs, and hesitantly put her foot on one, it was uncomfortable, but she persisted, her decent went pretty well, till she was almost to the bottom of the stairs; that is when the exhaustion and weakness started to take over.

She looked up wards, it was impossible to go back now, she should have thought of how she was going to get back up before she went down, she reflected grimly, She stood on the step panting slightly, gathering up strength to get down the last three steps.

She could hear Ida in the kitchen, and then a slam of the back screen door as she went onto the porch, probably to do laundry.

A shrill ring sliced the peace of the late afternoon; Christy jumped at the unexpected sound, she did not know that it had been fixed; a storm had downed a line a couple of weeks ago and had to be rewired. Christy heard David's voice outside as he volunteered to get the phone.

He strode into the house and picked up the receiver. "Hello?…Hello, yes this is David Grantland, the minister,… Grantland…. Oh, yes… you did?... When? …How did you find them?... I see...That's wonderful! …Hello? Hello!…" David flipped the cradle of the phone up and down trying to get the connection back.

"David, who was that? " Christy asked. David wheeled quickly, "Christy! What are you doing down here?" He ran toward her, taking in her pale face and tired voice, and without another word he carefully picked her up and carried her to the sofa in the sitting room. Placing her on it he looked her over anxiously, "Are you okay, what were you doing down stairs?"

"Who was on the phone David?"

Christy insisted. David looked down at her, then squatted down next to the sofa,

"That was the deputy at Littleton, they found the men, the deputies got a tip that led them to where the men were hiding. Its over Christy, the men are in jail for good now."

Christy felt a lifting of a great fear from her shoulders; she took a deep breath and looked at David beseechingly.

"Are you sure?" "Positive, I heard it with my own ears, it is over now, and you are safe." Suddenly Christy was in David's arms as she wept with relief, in a few minutes she realized her position and tried to pull away, David resisted for a second still wanting to comfort her. But she persisted and pulled away from him. "No, David" she looked at him with an unaccustomed reserve.

"I'm sorry," David studied his hands for a second as the reason for her avoiding of him hit home.

"I'll go get Ida."

Christy sat there thinking, it was so much of a relief that they had found the perpetrators.

It seemed as if it was easer to breath, and there was not as menacing of a feel to the world. Now maybe she would not wake up in terror of the night anymore.

Ida came in but did not say much to her, Christy was relieved she seemed to be in a relatively relaxed mood and not going to fuss at her for coming down the stairs.

She did have to admit it was a rather thoughtless thing to do, especially as she had no idea of how to get back up to her bedroom.

Christy enjoyed being there hearing the bustle of the others going about there business .It was so refreshing to hear the sounds of life as normal. It was even refreshing to listen to Ruby Mae's chattering.

Miss Alice came in from the Spencer's "Christy! What are you doing down here child? Are you okay? Surely Neil did not authorize this!"

"No, I came down because I was tired of being in my room."

"That is a very natural thing to feel, but thee may find that it cost more than it is worth, overexertion can lead to a relapse, and then thee would be in bed longer. I pray that has not happened to thee already, you will sit here and eat thy dinner, but after that David will carry you up to the room, and I expect thee to stay in thy bed till tomorrow."

Christy nodded, "Miss Alice, could you run up to the room and get me some of the medicine, I am a little sore?" There was a snort from Ida but that was all of the comment that she made, as she went up the stairs herself to get the medicine for Christy.

Ida was not all that bad of a person, Christy reflected, stern and rather inflexible, but she would do anything for a person that was really in need.

Christy did not remember being taken to her room later that evening; she had fallen asleep after dinner and only woke for a brief moment to find herself in her own room, under the covers.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning Christy woke up sore and stiff from her trip down stairs, but she decided that it was time she began to get

The next morning Christy woke up sore and stiff from her trip down stairs, but she decided that it was time she began to get back to her life. She had had enough of lying in bed. She went down the stairs slowly, savoring the smell of breakfast that was coming from the kitchen.

Ida gave a grunt of disapproval when Christy entered the room, but Ruby Mae's shriek of delight more than made up for what was lacking from Miss Ida.

"Why Miz Christy! I shore be happy you are down stairs! Why this place just ain't been the same without you!"

Christy looked at her student with an almost-smile,

"It is good to see you too Ruby Mae, how are you?"

The cheerful redhead started in on the "goings on" at the cove, having a pent up reservoir of information to impart as she had not been allowed up in Christy's room.

Christy sank into a chair by the table; she was suddenly very tired, her body still spent from the trauma it had suffered.

David entered and saw Christy at the table, in a instant his face lit up.

"Why Christy! I did not know you were planning on coming down! Are you sure you are ready? What does Neil say about this?" He pulled up a chair and leaned in close, but slid his chair back when he heard an ill suppressed chuckle from Ruby Mae.

"I am fine David, there is nothing that need keep me in bed any longer, besides I should get back to teaching I suppose.'

Christy frowned as she said that, this was the first time she had really considered that she should start teaching again."

In an instant it all flashed before her again, the horror of what happened in the school room, the world began to spin and she staggered to her feet , stumbling to the door afraid she would start retching, Christy clutched the door frame, gulping the cool air, it soon had the desired effect and her lurching stomach was soon quieted.

"Christy, are you alright?"

The question came from Ida, as she approached; Christy turned and met the concerned looks of the people in the room.

"I am sorry, Yes, I am fine, I just felt a little ill for a moment, I will be fine, but I think I will pass on breakfast right now."

She stepped out onto the porch and sat down, taking care to choose a chair well away from the food smells that had seemed so tempting tem minutes earlier.

Christy could not help but wonder at the numbness she felt, it was as if nothing in her life was real any longer, it almost seemed as if she was observing herself from a great distance. It was vaguely uncomfortable, but it was too much work to think about now. Christy took a breath and looked out over the porch to the school house; it was a Saturday so the building was deserted.

In a sudden flash of realization Christy knew she did not want to go back. Maybe not ever.

For the next week Christy continued to slowly recover, beginning to help with the kitchen work and sitting on the porch or in her room the rest of the time.

The next Saturday Christy was slowly washing up the dishes from breakfast, listening to Ida and Ruby Mae outside taking down the wash.

There was a soft tapping on the door, Christy turned around in surprise, it was very unusual for a mountaineer to knock at a door, it was Fairlight.

Christy smiled for the first time in a long time.

"Why Fairlight! How good to see you! How are you and Jeb doing? I have not seen you in such a long time!"

Fairlight smiled shyly,

" I hope you know Miss Christy, that me not a commin' to see you did not mean I was not a carin'; I did come often, or send the young-uns to see how you was. But Doc and Miz Alice did not want a lot of visitors a tiring' you."

Her soft eyes looked at Christy in mute appeal.

"No, Fairlight! I never thought that of you!"

What Christy did not say was that really she had not thought of Fairlight at all in the past week. Christy felt a twinge as she realized that fact.

She reached for a dish towel and dried her hands,

"Would you care to join me for tea, Fairlight?"

"Why I would like that, Miss Christy!"

Christy put on the water and put some oatmeal cookies on a plate.

"I am not sure how these will taste Fairlight, Ruby Mae made them last night, and Miss Ida refused to try them."

Fairlight smiled and began to talk of how her children were doing and news of the cove, much of which Christy had already heard from Ruby May.

But it was so nice to have conversation about normal life with a friend, it was some how lightening to be with her friend again. Christy set the tea to steep and when the time was up poured it into the cups.

Fairlight took a sip and took a bite of one of the cookies; from the expression on her face Christy could see it was not a success.

"What is it, too much baking soda?"

Christy asked, remembering the last fiasco involving Ruby Mae's cooking.

"Well, let me just say that the girl won't be getting a man by her cookin'! She done used horse oats instead of oatmeal for these!"

"How ever in the world could she make that mistake?"

Christy wondered out loud.

"Well, it does not matter, I came here to see you, Miss Christy, not eat cookies."

Christy smiled and sipped her tea, but in a few minutes she began to feel the gnawing edges of fatigue.

Fairlights's keen perception soon picked up on it and she stood to her feet.

"I thank you for the tea Miss Christy, but I must be going back to my home now, I hope I can stop in for another visit soon."

'Please do Fairlight, I would like that!"

She walked her friend to the door and watched her leave the yard.

She was very tired, so tired she did not want to face the thought of standing over the tub of dirty dishes, she walked over to the table , folded her arms and laid her head on them for a moment.

She must have been more tired than she thought, for the next thing she knew she was waking up hearing heavy footsteps on the porch and entering the kitchen.

"Why a good afternoon to you, Miss Huddleston. If I might be so bold, I would suggest that the living room or your room might be a more comfortable place to take your nap."

"Why doctor MacNeil, I did not hear you coming."

"So I could see." He smiled as he reached for a cookie and popped it in his mouth.

A thoughtful look crossed his face as he chewed the morsel.

"Not bad, a wee bit husky though, did you make them?"

Christy shook her head,

"No, Ruby Mae did, but she used live stock oats, I am surprised you can eat them."

"Ah, that would explain it."

He pulled up a chair and sat down,

"Would it be too much to ask for some tea Miss Huddleston? I am afraid I have been traveling all morning, and am a bit chilled. "

"Of course." Christy said as she put on the kettle yet again.

She sat down and sighed.

"Something bothering you Christy?" The doctor asked.

She furrowed her brow, how could he ask her that? Of course there was something bothering her! Everything was wrong!

Including how he had pulled back from her.

This thought caused her to stiffen involuntarily, she had almost forgotten how he had left, how it must disgust him to be near her.

She got up abruptly and set the tea to steep, to her relief Miss Ida and Ruby Mae came in from the yard with their loads of laundry.

In a flash Christy had made up her mind.

"Miss Ida, the doctor would like some tea, I started it, but am feeling tired and think I will go to my room, would you be so good as to finish it for me?"

Without pausing for a response she turned and practically ran up the stairs.

She threw herself on her bed and buried her face in her pillows, but no tears came, the hurt was too deep for that.

Down in the kitchen Neil clenched and unclenched his fists, he was not sure of what had precipitated the sudden change, but it did not bode well, of that he was sure.


	15. Chapter 1402

So sorry for not updating regularly, I had a close family member who was ill for the past year, and it made finding time to wr

**So sorry for not updating regularly, I had a close family member who was ill for the past year, and it made finding time to write difficult.**

**Then I found that I had lost a few chapters on my computer, so I had to re-write them.**

The days blended into each other, Christy began to seriously consider retuning to Ashville when her parents arrived in Cutter Gap.

She still had not heard from them, but was sure they would be sending a telegraph as soon as they returned home and received the news.

On this particular day, the weather had defiantly begun to turn to autumn; it was a cool day with a nippy wind.

Christy was setting the table for breakfast. When David came in, he gave Christy a smile, he had something on his mind that he wanted to share with her, and he began to have a suspicion that he had better tell her soon.

"Christy, I am going to be heading out to El Pano later, would you care to come with me? I thought you might have some errands that you need to take care of."

In an instant Ruby Mae had started campaigning to be taken along. David was reluctant to grant permission, even though Ida seemed relieved at the idea of having her out from underfoot for a few hours. But as he was not able to really think of a reason to deny the girl he at last relented. With a yelp of delight that made Miss Ida shudder, Ruby Mae took off up the stairs to get ready.

Christy shook her head.

"I really think I would rather stay here, Thank you though David."

"Are you sure? I would think you would be ready to get out and see the mountains for a while."

Christy reconsidered for a moment,

"Well, perhaps I will go."

"Great!" David beamed, "meet me out in the yard."

A few moments later Christy descended the stairs and walked out to where David had the team waiting.

"I am glad I have this opportunity to talk to you, even if it will be a bit rushed. I have been trying to speak to you for a week but it never seems to work out."

Christy winced inwardly, she had known that he was trying to get her alone, but by carefully avoiding being alone with him had managed to avoid what ever he was wanting to communicate to her.

She looked towards the door, desperately wishing that Ruby Mae would come out.

She started as she felt his hand on hers. She tried to withdraw it, but David only tightened his hold. Trying to fight down the feelings of panic Christy turned to him.

"Yes, David? What is it?"

He stared at the ground for a moment.

"I, I wanted to tell you that I have done much soul searching and have decided to renew my offer of marriage to you.

Now I know that what you have been through was horrible, but I want you to know that I will never hold it against you in any way, and will pretend as if everything was before, you, this… Well before the incidents.

I believe that it is my duty to extend my protection to you, who knows what could come of this, I want you to think of this Christy, it is not just you, there is also the possibility of a child being born from that night, I am sure you must have thought of that, and if it does come about it will need to have a family."  
Christy just sat there in horror, his words swirling around her mind in an incomprehensible jumble.

A child! How could she not have thought of that! It was true, it could happen, why had she never considered this before? How dare David be so patronizing to her? How could God let this happen to her?

She had to get away…

Wordlessly she slid down the wagon without heeding David.

"Christy, where are you going? Christy…?"

Like a wounded doe, Christy ran to the only place that could offer her comfort, she ran to the mountains.

Her footsteps were uneven and halting, but still she ran.


	16. Chapter 16

Christy ran pas t the team and up the stairs, and threw herself on her bed

Christy continued to run into the mountains, till her lungs began to burn; her head aching as she struggled to think of what to do, how to respond to the new possibility that had been thrust upon her. She ran till she could no longer run, which was not very far considering, how weak she still was. She stopped and leaned against a tree, leaning her forehead on the rough bark, her mind whirling so fast she almost felt dizzy.

Then suddenly she remembered how her Father had said he handled stress. She took a deep breath and stepped away from the emotion for a moment. Then she knew what she was going to do.

The wind was still whipping, and it would start to roar hollowly through the tree tops. At times it was even hard to stand up the wind would gust so hard. Christy struggled and pushed, at times feeling as if there were a physical force holding her back.

After twice the time it would have taken on a clear day, Christy arrived at the Spencer cabin, she saw that Miss Alice's horse was not outside, she must have already left. But not hesitating Christy started to call out to announce her presence, but the wind was so high she could not be heard. Finally after several tries she gave up and just went to the door.

"Fairlight? Hello? It's me, Christy!"

There was a scuffling of feet then Zady opened the door her face alight.

"Oh, Miz Christy! Ma! Look, its Miz Christy come a visiting!" There was a sudden flurry around her as the eager children crowded close to be near and touch her. Fairlight turned from the pot that was hanging over the fireplace.

"Why, Miz Christy! I did not expect to see you! Miz Alice just left. Are you alright?"

Fairlight took in Christy disheveled look and tight face.

"Fairlight, I need to talk to you for a moment, do you mind if we go out onto the porch?"

Fairlight did not hesitate a second,

"Zady, I am goin' to be needin' you to stir these here beans, don't let them burn now, you hear?"

"Yes Ma." Zady replied wistfully looking at Christy as she and Fairlight went onto the porch.

"Christy, what can I be doin' for you,you got somethin' weghin right heavy on your mind I can tell."

Christy turned to her friend.

"Fairlight, I need you to give me some answers."

"Of course Christy, I'll do anything I can to help, what are you needin' to know?"

"I need to know how I can tell if I am pregnant."

Fairlight looked down at the weathered board of the porch, and gave a troubled sigh, "Well, Christy, there ain't no sure way of telling till the Doc looks you over, a lot of woman can tell right away by there missin' of the time, but if you ain't regular it can be hard to tell, and you will have to wait till you miss again or the Doc finds a heart beat. Why you wantin' to know?"

But the look of pain in Fairlight's eyes said that she already knew. Christy took a deep breath and started to pour out all of her feelings.

"David came to me this afternoon and renewed his offer of marriage to me, he said he would always pretend that I was the same girl as before, and implied that he would take the risk to his career that marrying me would bring, he said so much more, and when I was thinking of saying no, he as good as said that I should not be so rash and turn him down because I might be pregnant, and he intimated it was a unholy union, as if I were responsible, and then he insinuated that no one would ever find me good enough to marry, and I know it is true, but it just hurt so badly, why did he have to say all of those thing, why? Then he acted as if it were my fault! What do I do? I can't have a baby, I don't want to have a baby like this, why does it have to be this way Fairlight?"

Christy's façade of strength broke completely and she sank into a rocker, weeping.

"All of it was a lie, Fairlight, all of it, the going to church, the praying, there is no God for you if you get hurt, even your friends leave."

"Hush now Christy, I know you be upset and all, but that ain't no way to talk about Him, and you be havin' lots of friends here for you."

"No, I don't, I thought it was true and we were friends, but then Neil just left, I know he can not help being disgusted, but I thought we were friends, he left me, Fairlight! I was all alone!"

Fairlight stroked Christy's hair as she looked out over the mountains,

"Christy, there are some things that are just not what they seem to be, the preacher now, he means well enough, he was not right to say those things, but he was meanin' good to you. And I am still your friend, And Miss Alice loves ya the same, and I am thinking she might not be unacquainted with what you are sufferin' from. As fer the Doc, well , I know he was mighty tore up,

Fairlight paused,

" I am a thinking that Doc done as much for you, Christy, as a man could do, under the circumstances, it cain't be easy on him and all, have you thought of talking to Miss Alice? "

Christy shook her head, "No, it won't help to talk to her, I know what she is going to say, and it does not work for me, I know that Neil was correct, I should have listened to him…except he left as well, and there is no one here, for me."

Christy choked with tears,

" Help me Fairlight, I am so scared, I don't know what to do, where to go, I can't even go home, I don't want to be alone, why do I have to be alone? Fairlight, I can't have a baby!" Fairlight had no words with which to comfort her, she simply folded Christy in her arms and held her close.

There was a sharp crack as lightning tore through the sky.

"You had better stay here for the night Christy; I think that this storm is going to be a bad un."

Christy looked out over the mountains and then at the lowering sky, she shook her head, "I would rather go back to the mission, I will be able to miss the storm if I leave now."

She looked at her friend for a moment hesitating, Fairlight smiled,

"Your welcome, Christy."

Then Christy turned and hurried off of the steps and into the mountains.

As she was on her way home she got to a clearing, she paused; it was so breathtakingly beautiful, the towering storm clouds piled on top of one another, rays of light peeking through, with hints of orange. She stood there for a long time, watching as the storm front moved in closer, watching the lightning flicker in the clouds, listening to the roar of the wind as it tore through the trees. She exulted in the wildness, she wanted to run and run, just disappear into the mountains, never return. Shaking her head at the fantasy she turned back to the mission. She could not wait for her parents to return.

Meanwhile, Fairlight stood on the porch watching the storm as well, her face furrowed in thought.

Then she gave a small smile and turned back to the cabin.

All that night Christy paced in her room listening to the storm, thinking thoughts that left her worn and exhausted.

Morning came cold and wet, Fairlight got up early and wrapped a thick shawl around herself and resolutely went out walking with a brisk pace, she slowed as she came to a cabin. Then she went to the porch and knocked.

A very rumpled McNeil opened the door, his eyes widening in alarm as he took in who his visitor was.

"Is Jeb in trouble?" He was already heading to pull his boots on when Fairlight interrupted him.

"Jeb is fine, Doc, it ain't on account of him that I be here."

Neil paused and looked at her questioningly, then motioned to her to come in out of the cold, he turned to the fire and built it up, and put a chair next to it, he indicated to Fairlight to take it, then started to make coffee.

Then he turned to her,

"Well, what is it that brings you here so early if it is not an emergency?" The words were brusque but the eyes belied the tone.

Fairlight took a deep breath

"It is about Christy,"

There was a sudden exclamation of pain as the doctor spilled some hot coffee on himself. He recovered quickly and turned to look at her,

"What about Christy, Is she worse?" Fairlight could see his eyes flickering towards the door where his bag lay ready.

"No, it is not that, I cain't tell of it all, but I really think she could be using a visit from a friend right about now."

Neil leaned back looking puzzled,

"I saw her yesterday, and I am going over in two more days to do a check up, I can see her then" Fairlight stood up,

"No, not a professional visit Doc, her heart be in need of a friend, and she feels as if everyone has left because of what happened to her, and I was thinking iffin you could stop by to just say good day or the like it would help."

He looked at her, his blue eyes troubled,

"I have tried, to reach out to her, Fairlight, but she does not want anyone to come close to her, and I can't reach her."

Fairlight nodded slowly,

"I see, well thank you kindly Doc, that coffee was real good, I guess I will be heading back, my family will be a wantin' their breakfast"

Then she paused and turned

"Oh, could you come and see my Zady? She be having a real hard time sleeping, coughing done kept her up all night, none of my remedies seem to help her."

"Of course, I will be there this afternoon Fairlight." Fairlight walked out of the cabin with a smile on her face.

All through the day Christy struggled to function, but the thought that she might be expecting haunted her, she finally decided that she would have to leave the cove. Being here was unendurable, too many memories, too many questions, yes, she had to leave, and the sooner the better.

She would just stay in the empty house till her parents arrived. She walked outside to the paddock; she wanted to see the horses before she left. She had made up her mind that she could not stay in the cove another day. She would leave a note and meet the early morning train tomorrow.

Fairlight's words followed Neil through out the day, till when he had finished up his rounds and was leaving the Spencer place he sighed and turned Charlie's head towards the mission.

He could not think what he was going to do or say when he got there, but somehow he could not stay away. He felt so angry over his helplessness to help her, but when he was around her she was so reserved and angry that he just retreated. It was a normal reaction, and he could not blame her, but it was still worrisome He spotted Christy as he first entered the yard; she was leaning on the fence of Prince's paddock. He pulled Charlie to a halt beside her.

"Well, a good evening to you Christy." She turned and looked at him, or rather she looked _towards_ him; somehow it did not seem as if she actually saw him.

She gave him a small nod, as he slid his horse and tied him to the fence rails.

"So, what has you so introspective this evening?" he smiled. He slid off his horse and stepped up beside her leaning on the fence.

She looked at him with a curiously stricken look on her face, he felt as if he had said something wrong, but he could not see how that was possible.

"Nothing." Christy said flatly.

'I think I know you a bit better than that by now, come now, you yourself said we were friends, tell me what is bothering you. Please?" Neil coaxed her, trying desperately to peel away the protective layer of reserve that she had shielded herself in.

He never expected what happened next. Christy turned on him her fists clenched and her face red with fury.

"How dare you! How dare you say that to me, you don't know me, you don't care, don't lie Doctor, it is not very becoming to you."

She was practically yelling as she turned on him. He stared at her too shocked to respond, his face taking on a very bewildered look.

"Wha…?"

Christy kept on storming at him,

"You always acted so superior to everyone, you were better than all of us at the mission because you did not have to believe in a God, but in the end you are as phony as all the rest, you, for all of your flaunted logic, were one of the first to run when faced with a unpleasant situation, you were running away as fast as David, so why don't you just stay away from me, just leave me alone! I know you are revolted to be around me, I don't blame you for that, but don't come around trying to pretend you care, at least respect me enough for that!"

By this time Neil had more than enough time to recover himself,

"Now wait one bluidy second, woman! What arrre you raving about? You are the one that won't talk or have anything to do with me, I _hev_ tried, but you just kept shutting me out. Wherre the hell did you get the idea I was rrunning from you? Why would you possibly think that about me?" He stepped towards her, his own face flushed with passion, wanting to take the irrational girl by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, but he restrained himself.

Christy stamped her foot at him, almost in tears, her eyes full of pain,

"You left, you ran away for days."

"I was not running from you, you infuriating …you …" Neil paused realizing he was roaring at her. He took a deep breath.

But she did not miss a step, "Then where were you, why did you have to go? What was so important?" There was almost a pleading note to her voice.

Neil's face was instantly a mask, impenetrable and reserved. He took a step back, struggling to find words.

Christy's face became stony,

"Never mind, I see it all Doctor." She turned towards the mission, then paused,

"Oh, I have almost completely healed, I just wanted to let you know I will not need your attention any longer, please send me a bill."

A look of pure fury and rage crossed Neil's face, his face quivered with passion as he yanked the reins off the fence. Christy turned to look at him but he had already flung himself on his horse, she winced as Neil kicked Charlie viciously and galloped out of the yard. Christy shrugged and walked to the mission to pack.


	17. Chapter 17

In her room Christy lifted up the dark leather suitcase, wincing at the strain on her ribs. She looked at its smooth surface now blotched with the dirt and rain that had stained it on her trek to the mission. She smiled bitterly as she remember how she came to be at the mission, how certain she had been that God had put a call on her life.

Remembered how she had insisted that she be brought to the mission, even if it meant that she had to walk the entire way. She smiled as she recalled her difficulty understanding the lilting speech of the mountain people.

She recalled the guilt that suddenly oppressed her when she found out that the accident had happened to Rob Allen as he was on his way to pick her up.

The alarm and disdain she had felt at the sight of a decidedly unkempt Neil hurrying to operate and save his friends life. Christy turned to the window and looked out over the incredible view.

Suddenly the enormity of what she was doing hit her; she was preparing to leave the place where she had been more alive than anywhere else.

She was turning her back on beauty, the hope of a new generation of children. Tears rolled down her face as she slowly turned to her dresser and started to pull out clothes.

She paused and looked around the room; she set the clothes on the bed and sat down, letting her mind run free.

Memories and impressions flooded her mind, causing her face to change expressions every few seconds. It seemed as if all of her experiences in the past year came and crowded into her mind. Then a darker thread inserted herself in her mind. In the middle of remembering Mountie's first word, she had a flash to lying helpless and bleeding on the school room floor.

She consciously redirected her thoughts to the mission, Ruby Mae, and her chattering, and then she heard the girls frightened cries as she first found her. Christy shuddered. Then unbidden, her mind jumped to David and how he had confessed his love to her, she remembered how much of a child she had been, she looked around her room, she had spent many hours in here growing , asking question of life.

Then once again, she remembered the terror of her dreams, of fighting off the hands of her assailants, of the hopeless terror that consumed her. She remembered gentle arms that held her close stilling her, the blue eyes that captured hers and would pull her out of her fear, and the voice that soothed her, as if from a distance she heard the frantic cries of a frightened girl, convinced that they would come back for her. Her fear that she would never be safe again.

Then she remembered the whisper, a promise made in the dark.

"I swear to you that you will never again have to be afraid of those men, do you hear me Christy? You will never have to be afraid of them again."

She remembered the gentle kiss that followed the words. Christy traced the pattern of her quilt idly with her finger, it was just after that that he abandoned her; it hurt her almost more than she could stand to remember the betrayal.

Then she froze; her mind racing as she subconsciously put two and two together.

"They was a 'ready dead when th' sheriff got there…" Ruby Mae's gossip floated around in her mind,a thread that slowly, relentlessly began to pull the event together in her mind, quickly followed by Fairlight, "Why that ain't true at all Miz Christy, he done as much for you as any man could!"

Neil's total refusal to talk of where he had been. His fight with David over it.

How dirty he was when he did come back. The call of an anonymous tip leading to the capture.

Christy took all of this information in a second. There was a small cry,

"Oh, what have I done?"

**Wow, I can not believe I am so close to done! This has been a joy to write and I am truly sorry to be wrapping it up. I want to thank all of you, dear readers; I hope you have gotten as much enjoyment out of reading this as I did writing this. **

**I do have a few ideas for a sequel to this, and maybe another story, but nothing is concrete. **


	18. Together

Neil was assiduously working on some of his trachoma research, trying to take his mind off of the fight. It was an idea that was much better in theory than reality, so far he had fixed up two chemicals that formed a noxious gas that forced him to flee out of his cabin, and as a result of his haste he had knocked over two of his slides that promptly shattered on impact with the floor. He cursed roundly, his anger more than such an annoyance should provoke.

It still filled him with resentment to remember how Christy had dismissed him from being her doctor as if she was declining a hat style.

He had raced all of the way home frustrated by all of the things that he wanted to tell her, but did not think of at the time, he winced, tousling his already unruly hair as he remembered how he had lost his temper and swore at her, not one of his best moments, even if she had been very irrational. She had an excuse, he did not. He sighed and put his face in his hands.

He sat there for longer than he could remember, till there was a tapping at his door, "Come in" he called.

His heart skipped a beat as Christy stepped into the room. He jerked his head up and looked at her, speechless.

She was muddy and panting; her hair had fallen out of its bun and was hanging loosely around her shoulders.

He got to his feet worried; he opened her mouth to tell her to sit, but she started to pour words out almost to fast for him to follow.

"Neil I am so sorry, I am so sorry, I did not really mean all of the things that I said to you, I don't know why I was so horrible, I was just so overwhelmed by David saying I might be pregnant, and I should marry him, and I thought you could not stand being around me because of what I am now, I was so hurt I did not know what to do. I was not thinking clearly, and then I realized some of what happened, but I know it is not what I think, and I don't know what to do any more, oh, I know you are not a hypocrite." Christy stood there panting, looking at him pleadingly, her eyes begging him to forgive her. In a flash his aggravation was gone

He turned to the table and pulled out a chair.

"Sit down lass, what were you thinking? How long have you been running?"

She shook her head.

Then he sat across from her,

"I am sorry for yelling at you this afternoon, Christy; but you were being impossible" a ghost of a smile crossed her face. He got up and filled a cup with water, "Here, drink this."

"So, you are worried about being pregnant?"

Christy flushed dark red and nodded, it was amazing that she was still so squeamish, but there it was, she was. "Could I be?"

He smiled at her, "No"

"How do you know? Are you certain?"

"I did graduate from a fairly respectable university, yes, I am sure." He teased.

"How…"

"Have you had a period since?"

Christy choked on her water and looked at him with horrified eyes.

Neil ignored her discomfort.

"There, you see?"

"How did you..?"

"I _am_ a doctor as I mentioned before, Christy, I was one of the ones attending you."

She nodded her eyes down cast. Then she redirected the conversation.

"While we are being so candid, Neil, what happened when you left?"

Neil looked at her sternly, "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

Christy nodded.

"I left the mission to hunt and kill them when I found them." His eyes were flinty and dark. "I know I am a doctor, and have taken an oath to do no harm, but murder was in my heart, God help me, it is there still."

Suddenly he looked a thousand years older.

Christy had tears in her eyes, as she shrank from him. Then slowly she studied him, "But you didn't."

"No, I did not," He said savagely, "They were already dead when I got to their hideout, someone had already done the job. But make no mistake, I would have, I would do it still if they were alive."

"Who.?." Christy asked.

"That is not so easy; every man over fifteen in the cove would be capable and willing to do it. I do know of at least one person who was gone at the same time.

Christy thought for a second,

"David?" Neil shrugged," He was gone, but then Uncle Bogg and Bob Allen both were gone for days around that time as well, and I know that they would regard it as a matter of duty to find them and handle it their way.

That is what I am trying to say Christy; I am at heart a mountain man, I could have murdered."

Christy smiled at him,

"I can not judge you. I do not know if God is a myth, and I have been tricked all of my life. I don't know what is real any more" She sighed, suddenly feeling letdown for some reason "I really should get back to the mission" She scooted her chair back. She halted as Neil placed a hand on her shoulder,

"Christy, I just want to tell you, you are one of the most beautiful women I have known, and nothing could ever change that in my eyes. I am not saying that I am pretending that this never happened, I am saying it does not matter." He tilted her chin up till she met his eyes.

"Neil?"

"Hmm?"

"I am so scared. What do I do about loosing my faith, will I get answers? Will I turn agnostic like you? How do I handle my life now?"

Neil held out his hand and helped her to her feet and walked her towards the door, they stepped out into the evening air.

For the longest time he just looked into the night in silence, the sound of crickets filled the air with there droning

Then he turned to her,

"There are no easy answers in life; I do not know what to say, lass, but I do know you will be fine."

"Come, I will walk you back to the mission"

Together they walked into the dark, still night.


End file.
