Star Wars 1. Chapter 1

Title: Sexism and the Jedi

Author: snootiegirl99

Summary: Aayla Secura is not an average Twi'lek female. She's not an average Jedi either.

Rating: T (just because kids would be bored to death by this adult theme . . .)

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Disney. I make no money from writing this fanfiction. I do, however, work out a lot of my own questions this way. ;)

Notes: I'm trying something a little different. Turning a meta thought into a fictional account to let the characters play it out in their universe. Will the rating mature? Don't know yet.

* * *

Aayla Secura let the door to her meager cell close softly behind her before she slumped against it and let out a large puff of air. She was glad to be home, such as it was.

Not since her time as a Padawan had she felt so frustrated, divided, and directionless. And she was no longer a teenager, navigating those tumultuous years with a male Kiffar Master to guide her. She was a grown woman and a Knight. She should be beyond this sort of questioning and second-guessing.

Or at least that's what her training told her.

She knew that Master Vos had done his best for her. And she had adored him for his protective streak and infinite patience with her. She really couldn't complain about him as a teacher. He had had his own demons to deal with as well-dodging the pull of the Dark side while carrying out the dirty work of spying for the Council.

She knew he loved the delicate nature of espionage, but she also knew first-hand the toll it could take on one's soul. When she was Knighted, she vowed to alternate undercover missions with more standard work. And so far, it had worked for her.

But she was beginning to see a pattern in her undercover work assignments that she was particularly unhappy with. Something that spoke to her in a primal fashion. She was always assigned with a male Jedi-whatever the species. She did not lead her missions. And her casting fell into two distinct categories. She was either the paragon or the whore. She was never the equal partner. She was never the boss.

Aayla did not like these assignments. And they reminded her of conversations with her Master, his Master Tholme, and one of Vos' close friends from his Padawan days, Master Kenobi.

* * *

Sixteen-year old Aayla entered the communal dining hall dutifully behind her Master. She was luxuriating in the amenities of the Temple in a way that most Padawan who were not apprenticed to spies didn't understand. The opportunity to let her guard down, the time to be in a crowd and not suspect everyone around her would as soon kill her as anything else, and the ability to procure food, shelter, and clothing immediately were miracles to her. She breathed in the rich aromas of unspoiled and nutritious foods.

The two of them made their way through the lines and met at a table occupied by one of Master Vos' agemates. Aayla liked Master Kenobi's warm smile and lilting accent. He radiated 'civilized.'

"Padawan Secura," Obi-Wan greeted the young Twi'lek woman with a nod. "How are you faring under Quinlan's tutelage?" Obi-Wan vast the slightest smirk toward his friend.

Aayla missed the slight fun Master Kenobi poked at her own Master. "Very well, Master," she replied with gravity but accompanied the statement with a sweet smile. She almost idolized her Master at this age. Nothing anyone else said or thought of him would shake her opinion.

Obi-Wan returned her smile sincerely. "Excellent. I'm sure you are an attentive student as well."

Quinlan beamed at the notice of his apprentice. Then he turned to Obi-Wan and asked, "And how is young Anakin getting on?" His tone softened as the question brushed up against the death of Obi-Wan's Master Qui-Gon Jinn. It was too bad, Vos thought, that the joy of taking a Padawan was clouded by the loss of his mentor.

Obi-Wan's eyes clouded briefly before settling into his usual placidity. "He is well, thank you. Adjusting to the Temple seems to be giving him more trouble than anything else." He reflected on the life his Padawan came from, so harsh compared to the shelter of the Temple.

Aayla followed the conversation avidly. She knew what it was like to come to the Temple from less than ideal conditions. Her thoughts traveled her training bond with her Master, and he turned his eyes briefly to her to acknowledge her.

With his mind on his own Padawan's background, Vos replied, "Yes, sometimes it is the less regulated moments in the Temple that prove to be the greatest trial." His mind traveled over some of Aayla's earliest experiences. His Padawan felt warmed by her Master's recollection of her early years, even before he took her for his apprentice. Their bond had been strong enough that her greater moments of unhappiness had caused him to appear and help her.

Obi-Wan allowed himself a small sigh. "It's just that he's sometimes-so-emotional. I don't know how he's ever going to release all of that to the Force. It almost overwhelms me at times."

"With time . . ." Master Vos offered. Aayla looked up into his brown eyes, pleading with him to allow her to speak. "Yes, Aayla?" he prompted.

"Master Kenobi, my Master and I were having a discussion recently about releasing emotions. I know that Anakin is human, not Twi'lek, and so his experience is different from mine. But do you think that the release of emotions is governed more or less by species than by gender? Or is gender the greater factor?"

Although Aayla had posed these questions to her own Master, she knew that Master Kenobi's background as a diplomat gave him more space to consider such things. Master Vos' usual contacts with criminals didn't usually require analysis of emotional motivation beyond greed, anger, and hatred. She was interested in the human Jedi's perspective about other emotions.

Obi-Wan finished the bite he was chewing with thoughtful silence. When his mouth was empty, he cleared his throat slightly. "That is an interesting discussion, Padawan. What brought it up?"

Aayla was concerned that Master Kenobi was evading her question, but she obliged his curiosity as a dutiful Padawan should. "On Ryloth, I was taught that a female Twi'lek should sublimate her emotional responses in order to remain as docile and subservient to the males of her clan as possible. We keep our place, hold no opinions, are not allowed even to grieve overly." She paused and sought out the Master's compassionate eyes.

"I see. Go on," he responded.

Inhaling shakily, she did. "This type of cultural norm makes the women empty vessels, devoid of even the most subtle and natural responses. Other cultures are repressive of their males' emotions. As Jedi, we are taught to be pools of tranquility with the Force, to release our passions, but I cannot help but feel that this type of emotional restriction is only a modified incarnation of what I experienced on my homeworld."

Aayla's eyes dropped to her lap as she finished. This was more than she had even expressed to her own Master. She could feel his surprise and displeasure through the bond. Perhaps she shouldn't have put these thoughts into words, but the seeking of knowledge defines the Jedi. She couldn't let the opportunity to discuss this troubling matter with Master Kenobi pass. She would accept the consequences of her decision.

While her own Master was deciding whether to reprimand her right there or wait until later, Master Kenobi came to her rescue. Placing his hand lightly on Quinlan's arm, he shook his head slightly. He turned to address Aayla again.

"You are very troubled by this, I can perceive, Padawan. I commend you for the courage to bring your struggles to light. Your Master must be very proud to have such an intelligent and perceptive apprentice." He returned his hand to the table and clasped both of them together in front of himself.

Aayla slowly raised her eyes to his once again. "Thank you, Master," she said quietly.

"Now," he continued, "to return to your original question about the emotional state of species and genders, I have found that species does have a greater effect on a beings ability to control emotional responses. And having said that, I would add your second point that culture is also a larger factor than gender-although the cultural influence might be gender-specific, as you said."

Quinlan shifted slightly, feeling out of his element. But he attended to not only Obi-Wan's words but also Aayla's reactions to them.

"However, we as Jedi do not place different expectations on our members based on species, culture, or gender. All are expected to learn control over their emotions. We do not use the cultivation of emotional control as other means of controlling the individual which, as you have pointed out, is common within Twi'lek clans." He paused to check in with Aayla to see if she was following him. She nodded to indicate she was.

"It only seems logical that you would parallel your experience with your family to that of the Temple. But I assure you that no Jedi is expected to become an 'empty vessel' as you put it. We are more objective observers of our own emotional responses. We feel, but we release. We experience, but we control. Does the difference seem clear?" He smiled her warmest smile at the young girl, encouraging her to be honest with him.

Aayla took a moment to reflect on the Master's words. Both his and her own Master's eyes on her seemed to encourage her to quickly acquiesce to Master Kenobi's argument. But she still had some questions.

"Master, with all due respect, how do you account for differing levels of emotional response? As you said yourself, your own Padawan has very strong passions. I myself am passionate at times, though I have a few years more training than Anakin. Is it not a greater burden to place on someone with these 'proclivities' than on a species that might not naturally emote? How is that fair or equitable?"

She felt that this time she might have gone too far. Master Kenobi's eyes had narrowed during her last question. He looked perturbed himself, for a moment anyway. But Aayla held her ground, damn the consequences!

After a tense moment, a genuine smile broke out on Obi-Wan's face. He reached across the table to pat her folded hands. "You have given me a great deal to think about, Padawan. I thank you for your insights. Shall we continue this discussion on a weekly basis, as long as we are both in-Temple? With your permission, of course, Quinlan." He turned to Master Vos with hopeful eyes. Obi-Wan dearly loved a kindred intellect. And he felt he had found one in this young girl.

Quinlan waved a dismissive hand toward his friend, "By all means. The two of you can match wits and talk yourselves deaf." He smiled to indicate his jest, but nodded toward Aayla to indicate the permission was real. He was actually grateful for Obi-Wan's offer.

As Master Kenobi stood to bus his lunch tray, he said, "The next time we discuss this, Padawan Secura, I will have had time to think about your words through the lens of my own Padawan. I hope to bring new knowledge to our talk." He bowed and moved away.

Aayla was satisfied for the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

This mission was so similar to countless others. _Why does it grate on me then_, Knight Secura wondered.

She put her wandering mind aside to focus on the tableau before her. She was once again the dutiful daughter and virginal icon to her Jedi partner. She dressed provocatively, but maintained a distance from all of the men on this small moon. All these criminals, she corrected herself. Spice dealers and child traffickers. She swallowed her disgust as always.

Keeping a very attentive vigil from the side of her 'father,' Aayla absorbed all the details that might prove useful when they finally broke from their roles and destroyed this particular crime ring. The shifts in power between different participants; the vague unhappiness radiating from underlings. Her partner was trying to negotiate a deal that was vastly advantageous to himself but not so much to the heads of the syndicate. Disguising his greed in a shroud of entitlement that went with his fictitious royal title, he played the naive minor monarch used to getting his way.

And Aayla watched. And waited.

Vice, she had learned over the years, was addictive for a reason. Physiologically similar to others of their species, Jedi could feel the allure of sex, drugs, and power. And sometimes these assignments required them to indulge more than they would ever have imagined, coming into contact with the scum of the galaxy and every sort of vice one could ever imagine.

It was often a set of trials that she put alongside her Jedi Trials for comparison. Which was harder? Holding up under extreme conditions in pursuit of a life as a Jedi, or holding up under extreme circumstances when any indication that she was anything but thoroughly enjoying herself and the company would mean the end of her life?

At least she knew through her Trials that the worst that would happen would be her failure to attain the rank of Knight. She wouldn't be sold into slavery herself. She wouldn't be tortured for information before being mind-wiped. She could have entered the Jedi Corps and had a productive life anyway. These were the thoughts about her missions and her roles within them.

Why did she continue to take them? Did she have any choice?

As a Twi'lek, she was thrust in the role of the pleasure worker and dancer, naturally. The galaxy saw females of her species as mostly that. Not that she was the first Jedi of her people, but they were rarer than humans.

And a Jedi Knight did not question the wisdom of the Council, did she?

Vice was as corrosive to her emotional serenity as the proximity to the underworld of crime. She lost her center frequently when forced to 'serenely' let weapons dealing, child slavery, and genocide go on in front of her and pretend to promote it as well. Meditating often didn't help on an extended mission where her every move, even in private, was monitored. She felt herself slipping further and further into her 'characters' each time she took on a new persona.

And some of them were patently 'uncentered'.

When she was alone with her thoughts for the evening, she invariably questioned herself about the value of being sent on these undercover missions where she had to play-act. Acting required discipline in a similar manner to her Jedi training; however, the ability to even imitate emoting was taxing on her inner serenity. It was easier to try to create some real emotional responses to the situation and project them than to 'fake' it. Master Vos had taught her that.

So she embraced her emotions in the field and reeled them back in when she was once again a Jedi. But the whiplash effect was beginning to take its toll on her. She began to ask the questions, am I being used? Am I truly doing good in these roles? Would a male be asked to debase himself in similar ways for the 'greater good'?

"Padawan Secura, it is a pleasure to see you again," Knight Kenobi said as she entered the small meditation room they had established as their meeting space. It afforded them quiet and privacy to continue their conversations about the nature of emotional control.

He was already seated on a meditation pad, looking up at her as she stood. She bowed slightly to the Knight and assumed her accustomed spot. She folded her legs under her and closed her eyes. They both always began with silence to collect their thoughts from the outside of the room and to banish anything that might distract them. Each of them enjoyed this mental exercise.

After a short time, the senior partner in this endeavor spoke. "Anakin threw another fit," he said with great sadness in his voice. "This one started after a class, but he was unable to let it go even hours later in our own quarters."

Aayla inquired softly, "Do you know if he was like this before coming to the temple, Master?"

Obi-Wan frowned a little. The truth was he knew next to nothing about where Anakin came from or who he was when he was there. Qui-Gon had been the one to observe him on Tattooine. Obi-Wan only met him onboard the starcruiser during their emergency take-off.

And then there had been many more important things to do than query the boy about his past.

Especially since he was supposed to be letting go of all of it anyway.

He sighed a little and let his frown relax. "No," he replied. "I don't know." They subsided into silence again.

To Aayla, the obvious course of action seemed to be to ask Anakin. BUt then she wasn't a Master. Perhaps her instincts were dead wrong. Maybe talking about such things would just encourage Anakin to indulge them more. No having grown up in the creché with other initiate and Force-sensitive agemates, Anakin hadn't had the mental conditioning from a tender age that she had to release strong emotions into the Force.

Then again, she startled herself, isn't that exactly what we are here to debate? Should all potential Jedi be expected to use the same methods and reach the same results with regard to emotional control?

Timidly, she found her voice and asked, "Master? Would asking him about his past and his emotional state break the Code or your responsibility to him as his Master?"

Silently, she reprimanded herself or her earlier thoughts. She didn't want to advocate that Master Kenobi treat Anakin just like any other Padawan. She was here with him to sort out her thoughts and misgivings about the control and repression of emotional response. She was not here to accept dogma. She sat up straighter as she awaited a response.

Obi-Wan found himself once more impressed by the mind of this young woman. She brought so much new perspective to his trials with Anakin. He smiled ruefully and pursed his lips.

"No," he repeated. "It is not against the Code. I thought a clean break would be best for him after leaving his mother and losing Master Qui-Gon." He commended himself on his own control, not tripping over his Master's name after only seven months since he joined the Force.

"And now?" Aayla prompted gently.

"And now . . . let me ask you the question, Padawan Secura. Do you talk about the people and the life you left behind on Ryloth? Does it make you feel stronger in your dedication to training as a Jedi?" Obi-Wan's tone was almost pleading, desperate for a working answer.

Aayla took her time reflecting. She had spoken to her own Master numerous times about her past before he had found her and brought her to the Temple. He could ask her specific questions, however, since he had been physically there himself. He asked about her relationship and memories of specific people he had met, places he had visited. She knew Obi-Wan did not have that knowledge of Anakin.

She cautiously opened her mouth and began speaking. "Perhaps it is less important how he feels about the past than how he feels about the present. You cannot change who he was, Master, but you can help him discover who he is and then together the two of you can build who he wants to be."

Obi-Wan let out a held breath, finding much truth and certainty in the young woman's words. He was caught off-guard as she continued.

"And as you get to know who he is, he can reveal more to you about who he was, what he felt. Forcing him to ignore the past that has made him who he is surely not conducive to engendering his trust in you to map out his future together with him. Nor would it convince him to let go of the past which might hold back his Jedi training."

Her conversation partner waited patiently this time to assure himself that she was finished speaking. She lowered her eyes to the floor, signaling her release of the floor to him. He chastised himself silently for several minutes, leaving her to wonder what he was thinking.

Finally, he said, "You are right. I cannot ask Anakin to trust me in all things if he doesn't feel that he can trust me with this basic facet of himself. He cannot be trained like all other Padawan. He cannot be expected to react to the Temple and his training in the same way as children who have lived here nearly all of their lives, who have not witnessed the things he most certainly must have seen as a slave to the Hutts." Aayla raised her eyes to his again with confidence.

He stopped short there though, knowing that Aayla's Master had already started exposing her to some of the harsher realities of the galaxy though she was still young. Jedi were a strange mix of sheltered and experienced. He also knew that her talents and the circumstances of her species were likely to indicate that she continue along the path of undercover work that Masters Vos and Tholme pursued themselves.

He wasn't sure how he felt about that either. She had certainly given him a lot to meditate over these past few months of their meeting.

Having purged some of his own frustration, he cleared his mind and smiled at Aayla. "And what topic of conversation have you brought to our meeting this month?" he asked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: I don't usually start posting a story until I have the whole thing finished. However, this one is a departure from my usual, and I was curious about how people would feel about it. While the readership numbers have been steady, there hasn't been a lot of feedback to go on. What there has been has been very gracious and uplifting. Thank you.

Also, an even more personal project is 'due' soon (a daughter), so I cannot guarantee that I will be able to get back to this in any given time period.

* * *

Chapter 3

The rustling of the audience in attendance at the Senate subcommittee hearing was grating on Aayla's nerves. _Not very Jedi Knight_, she conceded to herself. Straightening her back, she refocused on the proceedings.

Senator Amidala resumed her cross-examination of the Minister of Economic Expansion and his alleged role in some rather underhanded dealings.

"Tell me, Minister," she pronounced civilly but there was no Force-sensitivity needed to hear the strain in her voice. "What happened after you hired this group of people on Alative?"

The Minister lifted lazy eyes to the young woman and narrowed them every so slightly. How dare this child question him? "I do not understand your question, Senator," he replied with his own civility apparent to no one.

Padme turned her head to her colleagues on the subcommittee in a silent appeal. Someone perhaps older and male could get better cooperation out of the Minister, even though she was the chair of the committee. Bail took up her questioning.

"I believe that the Chair wants to know how this group of people on your payroll became the largest slave dealers in the Inner Rim shortly after you hired them," he informed the man seated before and below the committee.

A small gasp when through the crowd.

The Minister leaned toward the microphone positioned in front of him. He picked up his glass of water, said, "I don't know anything about that unfortunate situation," and took a long, disinterested drink.

Bail's jaw tightened. He turned to Padme seated to his right, and said, "Let's call the witnesses now."

Aayla was called to take the Minister's place at the immaculate table of heavy Kashyykian wood. She sat with all the grace of both a Twi'lek and a Jedi, folding her hands within her cloak which she had worn for this most formal of occasions. She didn't often get to give eye-witness testimony in a judicial setting. More often, justice was served at the end of her lightsaber or in an incendiary blast.

Padme resumed her role. "Master Jedi, please recount your experiences when you were working undercover as a member of the group known as the Midnight Path."

Aayla began at the beginning where she assumed a new identity, repressed all of her disgust at what she would have to do in the role, and justified it all in the name of the Republic, the Order, and the galaxy at large. She ended with her eye witness accounts of the Minister's direct involvement-sometimes wielding a vibroblade himself-in the business under discussion. She referred to holovids she had recorded as well. All in all, it was an airtight case.

The cessation of her words left the chamber silent as a tomb. More than one audience member had left during her recounting of some of the more grisly details. She didn't blame them one bit. Most of them were just looking for an administrative link between the Minister and the slaving. The revelations of just how closely he monitored this particular part of his jurisdiction made the attendants realize that a Senate inquiry was less appropriate than an indictment and trial were.

Finally, chairwoman Amidala found her voice, clearing her throat of phlegmatic outrage.

"Thank you, Master Jedi. The Republic is in your debt for your hard work and courage," she said as she inclined her head slightly.

Aayla resumed her position next to Masters Vos and Windu who both had particular interest in the case. Vos had hand-picked the assignment for her. And Windu had known some of the government officials from Alative from an assignment during his Knighthood-some of the officials who were up to their eye stalks in this same slave business.

When the Minister was recalled to the testifying spotlight, his ease and assurance was unscathed. He wasn't afraid of anyone on this committee. He knew his immunity was guaranteed by larger forces.

As Knight Secura watched the Senators try to elicit any sign or word from admission from the Minister, she could sense a rising tension in the non-Jedi in the room. When Senator Amidala finally let her emotional tirade loose on the man, Aayla had sensed it coming.

But she was unprepared for when Master Windu leaned over to her and said for her ears only, under the melee that had erupted, "Emotional outbursts will help nothing. It is a shame that Senators are not trained in Jedi restraint. They would get so much more done in a much less shameful way."

The two Masters rose from their seats; Aayla just a heartbeat behind them. Their work finished here, they left to see to the next catastrophe.

But privately, the young Jedi admired the young Senator's ability to express herself. She didn't say anything that the rest of the non-Jedi (the other criminals notwithstanding) weren't already thinking. But she had the position for voicing what others were mumbling. Aayla thought that Padme might have won more than lost this day.

Six months after the conviction and incarceration of the Minister of Economic Expansion, life with no parole-apparently he had become dispensable to his 'higher authorities'-Senator Amidala was celebrated by the Senate for her one-woman crusade to pursue any and all associated with the slavery ring and her legislative push to close the loopholes that had made it not only easy but virtually irresistible to the amoral to pursue said line of action.

There was no official Jedi pronouncement about the Senator's success fed by her 'emotions'.


End file.
