Lost Moment of Fate

Title: Moment of Fate

Author: Faelai

Contact: PG-13

Pairing: Charlie/Claire

Summary: Each letter on his fingers, each moment in time spelled out Fate.

Spoilers: Up until Fire & Water

Author's Note: I'm the kind of fic writer who likes to dabble in a lot of fandoms. I've written extensively in the realms of The X-Files and Alias and have also done some Star Wars and a few others. I've loved Lost since the beginning but I've always needed some kind of solid relationship to write off of. Therefore, I didn't jump into writing Charlie and Claire until their ship began to sink. What can I say, I'm a sucker for the angst.

Anyway, the plot bunny bit me after thinking to myself how Charlie really should have been there during Aaron's baptism. Thus fic was born. Enjoy.

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The sea was endless as it spread out before him. Beyond the horizon lay the world that they had left behind. That world kept on moving, every day cycling into oblivion. That world was not waiting for them. Yet they spent every day waiting for it to find them.

For forty days, they had all waited. Waited for a sign, for rescue, for death to come in the night in the form of black smoke and bodiless whispers on the wind. Yet no rescue came for them. No sign from the heavens alerted them as to their purpose in this place. They survived and they formed new lives from the blood and the sand. As each day passed, their former lives moved further away from them into the past.

Perhaps it had taken him longer than most. Many of the others had put aside thoughts of their former lives. The memories became too painful after awhile, the day to day life of the island was easier to fall into. It was easier to simply continue on and forget what lay behind.

Charlie Pace could not forget.

He had waited. He had survived through darkness, death and despair. He had survived and he did not know why. He had lived to suffer through the pain of withdrawal, to die from a noose around his neck and brought back into a world filled with even deeper sorrows.

He stared out at the sea with his breath tight in his chest, waiting. The waves swirled around his feet, numbing them with cold and stinging them with salt. It was nothing compared to the chill that had settled deep into his bones, burrowing into his heart.

He stood alone before the ocean, a mile or so away from the rest of the castaways. Ever since that fateful night when Locke had knocked him down into the ocean, he had stayed away from the others.

He could still see their cold eyes as they had each turned away from him, one by one. Even Hurley who had been his friend from the beginning had turned away in disgust. Yet it was Claire's cold blue eyes that had broken his heart. She had taken the baby from Locke without a word and watched cooly as the bald man struck Charlie down.

And down he was. He had been unable to move from the pounding surf that swirled around him until they had all walked away. All they left were footprints in the sand, cracks that slowly filled with salt water as the tide came in to wash them away.

Charlie's blood stained that sand, filled the small footprints of Claire as he buried his face in the sand. He had sobbed aloud then, throwing the bitter salt of his tears back into the ocean. No one had been moved to help him, not one of them had looked back.

Charlie could scarcely comprehend what had happened. The pain in Claire's voice had accused him. Cold blue eyes filled with frozen tears. When was the last time he had seen her smile? Her warmth was all that had kept him going during the darkest days. He had never wanted to hurt her. He had only been trying to protect the baby.

The fear still clenched with icy fingers around his heart. Fear for Aaron. He was certain, deep in his soul, that the child was in danger. The child was only a few weeks old yet he had already been kidnapped once, as had Claire. He had brought Aaron back and placed him in her arms. She had smiled up at him and he had seen love in her eyes then, and not just for the baby. That had been one of the happiest moments in Charlie's life. Now all happy moments were gone.

He could not see where he had gone so wrong. For an instant, the memory of a beloved face flashed into his mind. His brother's eyes had looked down upon him in that last moment too. Cold and unfamiliar to Charlie. It was for Liam that he had gone so wrong and in the end, he had never been able to set it right.

The ocean was black as it roared against the sky. The waves seemed to reach out and claw at the horizon, streaking the deep blue with violent red. As if the sky wept blood and Charlie wept salt water that only returned to the sea.

His eyes were dry now. He was numb to the pain, numb to it all. The beauty of the ocean had become an angry thing. Love had become pain and beauty was destroyed. The horizon no longer held any promise. It only reminded him of the world that lay beyond and behind him. A world that he was growing ever more certain, he would never see again.

Turning his eyes from the horizon, he started walking slowly down the beach. He could hear the low murmur of voices from the camp behind him. The wind sweeping down the length of the beach pushed against his back, moving him forward. He moved away from the sounds of civilization and down the length of the sand. It was warm beneath his bare feet but the heat could not touch his heart.

The wind shifted then, blowing in off the ocean with the smell of salt thick in his lungs. He could hear voices on the wind. His heart froze in his chest suddenly as he remembered the whispers in the jungle. The black smoke, the monsters...

Yet this voice was different, deeper and strangely accented. He could almost make out the words as he made his feet move forward. The song was almost familiar to him, speaking of ancient prayers he had made as a child.

It reminded him of a piano on Christmas morning, he had played the same song for his mother then. She had joined her voice to his and they had sung together, blending in perfect harmony. She had taught him to sing, given him the gift of music. A gift he had wasted. His hand drifted unconsciously to his guitar, slung over his back. He froze as the source of the song finally revealed itself.

He could see them standing together just beyond a veil of trees. The dark face of Eko was turned to the sky as he sang the hymn over the woman and child before him. Claire stood wreathed in a golden glow as she smiled. Eko's voice was strong and clear and soothed Charlie slowly. A small measure of peace crept into his mind, quelling the violent turmoil in his soul. They stood in an open grove, praying to the god of earth and sky. Eko and Claire, with little Aaron clutched to her breast.

The sight of them stole the breath that Charlie had been holding in his chest for so long. It fell out of him in a long sigh as he dropped to his knees. The trees screened him from the view, the sun in Claire's eyes would blind her to him. He was the silent observer to this sacred moment.

It stung him that he could not walk through the trees and stand beside her. He longed to press tiny Aaron against his chest as the water washed over him. The holy water would drip against Charlie's skin and perhaps he would be cleansed of all of his sins as well.

Yet Charlie dared not stand up and reveal himself. The moment was too perfect, the smile on Claire's face filled his heart with a joy that he had not known in a long time. The sun reflected off the ocean and illuminated them both with a golden light. Charlie bowed his head, she was almost too beautiful to look upon. It pained him that he could not reach out and touch her, speak to her. She was beyond him now, they both were.

He focused on Eko, the holy man seemed to be one with everything around him. The waves pulsed their ancient song in time with the ancient words. His voice reverberated the trees all around him with a power in song that Charlie had never known.

Eko blessed the water cupped within the shell in his hands. He lifted them above the head of the baby and let the water drip softly from his fingertips. It streamed over the soft skin of the child and Aaron cried softly. Not quite in distress, that was a cry that Charlie had heard far too often in both dreams and waking life. It was more a contented sigh, Charlie could practically feel the shiver that would chase through Aaron's small form. It was something he had grown quite familiar with while taking care of the baby. He would hold him closer to his chest, arms wrapped tight around his tiny form. He would sing softly to him and and struggle to infuse the baby with warmth.

Charlie reached out and stopped himself, his arms were empty. Claire was holding little Aaron closer to her chest as she lifted her head below the circle of Eko's arms. The water fell in a cascade as it poured down over her golden locks. Tiny rainbows sparkled off the droplets as water streamed over Claire's upturned face.

Charlie's heart caught in his throat at the sight of her beauty, it pierced him like a knife. Yet the pain was sweet when Claire smiled, it was like the sun coming out from the clouds. Charlie's heart fell back into his chest, yet it beat ever faster as he gazed upon her. He wanted her so badly, wanted the little family that they had formed in such a short time. He had never told her, though he was sure she knew. And now she stood just beyond his reach.

Claire bowed her head as Eko sang the last hymn. He blessed them both and smiled down at her benevolently. Gratitude filled him as he looked at Eko, he truly was a holy man. He had done this not for Charlie, but for Claire and the baby and all Charlie could feel was relief. Eko had baptized Aaron and Claire both. He could not know what protection it truly afforded them but it made Charlie feel safer. He did not know what strange and supernatural beings ruled in this wild and unpredictable place. He could only hope that god would watch over Claire and the baby. The most important thing was that they remained safe. They had endured too much already.

Clouds drifted over the sun then, leaving the clearing cloaked in shadow. Charlie felt a chill race up his spine. A hush fell over the clearing as Eko's voice drifted to a stop. For a moment the notes hung quavering in the air all around them, resounding off the trees and roaring in the ocean. Then even the sea fell silent as the sky darkened.

Then all at once, the clouds scattered and parted. The sun shone down upon Claire and Aaron once more and from the distance, Charlie saw a bird fly from beyond the clouds. A single white dove, wings silhouetted against the sun. The light shone upon the white of its wings brighter than any beacon Charlie had ever seen.

A sudden clarity came over him then as he stared up into the sky. All of his anger and despair melted away in one single moment as the light filled him. The bird was flying toward him, it seemed to grow larger against the sun but it did not seem to draw closer. He clutched his guitar with both hands and muttered a prayer beneath his breath. If only he could touch the dove and know that he was not dreaming, then he would be all right.

This was how Claire saw him as she turned to walk away after Eko. Her eyes were following the dark figure of the holy man when they swept over the veil of trees beyond them. Her gaze passed right over him for a moment, he was so still that he seemed to be one of the trees, standing sentinel over them. Her heart caught in her throat despite herself and she stopped short, pressing Aaron closer to her breast.

He was a tragic figure, kneeling amidst the sand and scrub in ripped jeans and a dirty t-shirt stained with his own blood. Wild dirty blond locks disheveled and a face still bruised and beaten. Yet the light that shone in his eyes at that moment made him beautiful. His gaze was looking beyond her, toward the horizon as if transfixed by some divine power.

Claire found herself following the line of his gaze into the bright glare of sun off of the ocean. It was close to setting now and the sky was bathed in the warm colors of twilight. The light seemed to expand beyond the sun, reaching out to blend seamlessly with the sea. She could see nothing there that would captivate him so.

Her heart sank in her chest as a question rose to the surface of her mind. Was he high right now? Was he hallucinating some great thing that she could not see? A cold anger burned in her heart at him, that he could betray her trust so greatly and continue down this spiral of self destruction. It killed her to see him like this.

Aaron murmured sleepily against her skin and she clutched him tighter, seeking to protect her own heart with her son's solid warmth. It was to no avail, she could not stop herself from swinging back around to steal another glimpse of Charlie.

He was still kneeling in the trees, she saw now that he clutched his guitar tight against his chest as if it were a babe. A pang of sorrow tore at her heart at the gesture and then her heart stopped when his blue eyes turned to her.

For a long moment they stared at one another in silence. Neither knew what to say, where to begin. Claire knew that she should turn away, follow Eko back to the camp and be done with Charlie Pace. But something in his gaze stopped her, his eyes seemed to blaze with blue fire as they looked upon her yet she felt no fear. Her anger and her resentment of him fell away suddenly as if washed from her heart with the water that still soaked her hair, trickled down the valley of her breasts. She did not know that Charlie was at that moment, following the path of one such water droplet, envious of the path that it took over her skin.

At length he spoke, his words were quiet yet they filled the clearing with the sound of his voice. It washed over her like the water and she found herself listening to him for the first time in days.

"I'm sorry, Claire..." his voice was rough as he had not used it in days. Most likely he had not, she realized, she had seen little of him since he had fallen onto the cold sand beneath Locke's punch. He had been avoiding them all.

He shook himself suddenly as if denying words she had not spoken. "Those dreams I was having... they were so real." He looked up at her with wide blue eyes and she saw the truth hidden there. "I was so sick with fear. I remembered that you had dreams too, before you were taken..." His eyes darkened and he looked away, his gaze returning to the horizon once more.

Claire stiffened automatically at the mention of her abduction. In many ways she was glad that she could not remember where she had been taken or why. But the gaping holes in her memory terrified her sometimes, they were deep and dark and she feared that she would lose herself in them if she dared to take a look.

The memories of her life before her abduction had returned to her in blurry snippets. Yet the nightmares she did recall, and vividly. She had known deep in her heart that someone was trying to hurt her baby. The terror had been blinding, she had been hysterical in her attempts to convince everyone around her that she was in danger. Only one person had believed her, stood by her and struggled to keep her safe.

Charlie had believed in her then and when their roles had been reversed she had shut him out. The guilt that filled her suddenly made her angry and she found herself snapping at him.

"I wasn't doped up out of my mind when I had those nightmares, Charlie." Her words stung with a venom deadlier than anything he had ever known. Yet her accusation made him bolt upright onto his feet. He was grateful for the support of the tree as his legs threatened to give out beneath him. Anger burned in him suddenly and he clutched the tree to keep from stepping closer to her. He knew if he moved too close, she would bolt. She had to hear him out.

"Claire," the pleading in his voice stopped her cold and she leveled a glare on him that he disregarded. "No matter what you believe of me, I swear to God that I have not used since I got clean. I never took any of those drugs, as much as I may have wanted to at times. I am clean, I swear."

He was so earnest that it broke her heart. She wanted to believe him, she did... but how could she trust him again?

"How can you expect me to believe you when you act the way you have been for the past week? Stealing Aaron away from me in the middle of the night not once, but twice! Twice, Charlie! Have you any idea how terrified I was? Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me? I trusted you!" She was sobbing on her words, she realized only as they tangled in her throat at the last in a choked cry. Tears were hot on her face, mingling with the cold trails of the baptismal water. The cracks in her heart had suddenly ruptured and split open and she could not hold back.

"I trusted you," she whispered brokenly. "You betrayed us both." Aaron squirmed suddenly in her grasp, tiny hand waving in the air as he cried out against his mother's distress.

Charlie dared to take a step closer to her and Claire forced herself to stand her ground. She would not be afraid of him. Yet she knew, deep in her heart, that he was not trying to intimidate her. She was only scaring herself.

"The last thing I ever wanted was for you to be hurt. I wanted to protect you and now you feel like you need protection from me." The pain that resounded in his voice pierced her heart. She knew it was the truth as he spoke it but she hated that he was right. His wide blue eyes were all she could see suddenly, she thought that she could drown in them all too easily and that scared her more than anything.

"I wanted to protect you both..." He shook his head, "But I made a bloody mess of things didn't I? I lost you once," his voice cracked on the words and his face was clouded with pain. She had no idea how much he had hurt while she was gone, how terrified he had been.

"I have been out of my bloody head with fear since the moment you were taken. Then when you returned with no memory of me or anything we'd been through..." He swallowed hard and struggled to compose himself. Claire could not speak, she did not know what to say beneath this onslaught. These were dangerous water they were treading here.

"I know that I am not the easiest person in the world. I know that I grate on your nerves endlessly sometimes. But you are the only person in my entire life who has made me feel safe," he sighed heavily as if the words took all he had to say them. His blue eyes met her gaze with an intensity that unnerved her just a bit.

"I only wanted to do the same for you and the baby." He sounded more determined about that than ever before. There were tears fresh in those bright eyes but he never looked away from her gaze. She knew then that he meant what he said, but she was wary of him in a different way now. His intensity, his devotion to her... His love scared her more than anything else.

"Charlie..." How easy it would be to reach out and embrace him. How perfectly his arms would fit around her and the baby as if they were meant to be there. She knew it the same way she knew that no matter what she said right now, he would never give up on her. Even after she had given up on him.

Instead the words came out strangled, choked in her throat as her heart fought her brain for control. "When did I ever ask you to protect me?" The words were snapped out in an angry voice that part of her instantly wanted to take back.

"Shouldn't that have been my decision, Charlie? Doesn't it make more sense for Locke to be my protector when he is bigger and stronger and knows how to hunt? What have you done for me?" There were tears burning her eyes and she shut them against the sight of his stricken face. She sobbed silently and Aaron let out a wail in response.

Thats when she felt his hands on her shoulders, shaking ever so slightly but holding onto her as tight as he could. He murmured softly to the baby, his words were unintelligible to Claire but Aaron calmed instantly at the sound of Charlie's voice.

When he spoke again, his voice was dangerously low and husky. There was a heat to every word that seemed to burn her.

"What have I done for you, Claire?" He repeated the question to her and instantly a hundred answers came to mind. A flush of shame crept over her and she kept her eyes closed, her head bowed.

"I was your friend when half the people on this bloody island avoided you like the plague! I held your hand when you were sick, I believed you when you said you had nightmares. I stuck up for you when people said you were crazy." His voice dropped to a whisper and she leaned forward to hear him. His next words were a breath of warm air that floated across her wet skin.

"I died for you, Claire..." The confession hung trembling in the air and he realized that he had never told her about this. "I fought Ethan like hell but he got the best of me. He hung me from a tree in the jungle," the fading scar of the rope burn around his neck had faded but the pain echoed in his memory.

"I remember dying, Claire." The memory swirled up around him as he spoke, returning vividly as it had in many moments since the event had occurred. "It was like the pain of withdrawal, yet so much worse because my last thought was that I had lost you forever. That I had failed you. That thought made me want to die and in the darkness, all I could see was your face."

Claire's heart leapt into her throat at the confession and then stopped completely when she felt a small brush of skin against her forehead. Charlie kissed her hair softly, reveling in the warmth of her so near to him. Aaron was staring up at the two of them with wide eyes as blue as Claire's... or his own.

Claire opened her eyes then and looked up at him, the tears had spilled over and she was lost now. She knew it when his gaze met her own with such an open expression of love and her walls crumbled.

"How..." She didn't know what she was going to ask, it was a small whisper barely audible to her own ears. Yet Charlie knew the answer.

"Jack brought me back... I remember breathing again, life flooding back into me but all I could think of was you. I wanted to go after you, but I was the only one. And I was too weak to go on my own. Jack had to wrestle me down a few times," the barest hint of a smile passed over those lips and then it was gone. Claire reached out a trembling hand to touch the scar on his neck. She had seen it before, but had never truly questioned it. Now she understood...

"I didn't know..." It was such a flimsy excuse that came out a soft whisper. Charlie caught her hand and shook his head.

"I never wanted you to know. But when you say that I have done nothing for you, Claire, you're wrong. I died for your once and I would do it again. I killed Ethan, not for what he had done to me but because I never wanted him to hurt you again. I went out into the jungle to find Aaron and bring him back from that crazy French woman. Everything I have done has been for you and you cast me aside so easily. Do you have any idea how much that hurt _me?" _Her eyes were still fixed on him, so open and guileless. He could see the Claire he knew so well beneath.

"I may not be as strong as Locke. But I love you, Claire. That is all the strength I need."

The words had slipped out so easily and there was nothing he could do to take them back. Charlie didn't care anymore, he wanted her to know even if she scorned him and turned away. He had never loved anyone like her and that baby and she had to know that. Locke did not love them, no one else on the island did. No one except for him.

The tears were streaming silently down Claire's face as she stared at him. She was speechless, for once her head was silent and her heart cried out for him. Aaron squirmed against her chest, his tiny hand flailing out once more. He was reaching for Charlie, she realized. She watched silently as Charlie removed one hand from her shoulders to take Aaron's. Her son gripped one of Charlie's fingers tightly, cooing in delight that his father had returned to them.

His father. That was what Charlie had been to him. She could not deny her son his father anymore than she could deny herself her love for him. It was buried beneath her fear and her anger but at that moment, she knew that it was there. She loved Charlie and she realized now that she had betrayed him more than he had her.

Hesitantly, she reached out to him. Delicate fingers trailed over the bruises on his face and she felt a hot flush of shame steal over her at the knowledge that she had inflicted some of these bruises herself.

"I'm sorry that I hit you," she whispered. There was too much to apologize for, it seemed best to start with something small. He smiled beneath her touch and shrugged.

"Doesn't hurt so bad anymore," he murmured. His gaze was fixed on her face, enraptured by what he saw there. Could it be that she might forgive him after all? Only moments ago he had knelt in the sand and prayed that she might understand. Had God remembered him after all?

Claire shook her head against his words, "Locke should not have hurt you like he did. He had no right to beat you down like that."

"He had every right," Charlie whispered. "I have been a fool."

Claire smiled at him then and Charlie thought his heart might burst. "Well at least we agree on that."

His heart sank a bit at her words and he sought to find some response. "Thank you for listening to me. I know that it must seem crazy for me to believe that baptism would protect Aaron. But it just felt right... in my dream I saw my mother and you. You were both angels and you were telling me that I had to protect the baby. I was convinced that if he was given some protection by God, he might be safe."

Claire studied his face, she could see that he meant what he was saying even if he did not quite understand. She didn't either but she accepted that there were many things about God that she did not understand. Yet his insistence upon it had struck a chord within her.

"Do you know why I left Australia, Charlie?" Claire asked. For a moment, she herself didn't even know if he knew. She could not remember telling him.

"You were going to America to give your baby up for adoption," the thought pained her now. She could not give up Aaron for anything in the world now.

Claire nodded slowly, "That is what the psychic told me. But after we crashed here... I don't truly believe that there was a couple in San Francisco. I think that he knew what was going to happen and he put me on that plane to ensure that my child would be raised by me. He insisted that it was of the utmost importance, that my child was important to this world."

"I know..." Charlie whispered. "I read it in your journal."

Claire nodded, remembering that fact now. But he did not know what she was about to say next.

"I knew when we crashed that his wish had come true. My child would have his mother." She swallowed hard and plunged forward, "What I never expected to find was a father. Yet there you were, and I know now. This is what was meant to happen."

Charlie gaped at her, mouth open in shock as his brain registered her words slowly. Was she really speaking these words? Was he dreaming again?

Before he could pinch himself, she was leaning in over Aaron and his arm was sliding around her back. The baby was pressed between them, still clutching Charlie's hand as it was pressed between their breasts. For a moment he could feel both of their hearts beating as one. Then she kissed him and he knew that this was real. This was the clearest reality he had ever known.

He had imagined it for so long, the sweetness of her lips pressed to his. The warmth of her body as it slowly seeped into him and banished the chill from his bones. The ice over his heart cracked and melted away. With it went all of his fear and anger, his sorrow and self loathing. All that he was aware of was Claire.

She kissed him slowly at first, waiting patiently for his response. He quickly overcame his shocked state and embraced her with all of the love that had built up in him over time. He poured everything into that kiss, seeking to fall into her and show her how much they meant to him.

At last they broke apart, breathing heavily. They held onto each other for a long moment, not daring to move, to breathe, to speak. Then a sound broke the silence, like the tinkling of silver bells. Aaron was laughing in delight and waving his small arms. Claire could not remember the last time she had heard her son make such a joyous sound.

They both smiled down at him and then looked back to one another. Charlie was still seeking her acceptance, she could feel it in his gaze. She drew away from him and his face fell momentarily. Then it was her turn to laugh, it was a sound of pure relief and happiness that bubbled up from within her. Charlie looked startled for a moment before grinning widely and she reached for his hand.

"Come back to camp with me, Charlie. Come home."

He had no thoughts of the others at that moment. He no longer cared what they said or thought about him. All he knew was that Claire had forgiven him, and that was all that truly mattered. Claire slipped her hand out of his and he wanted to cry out at the lack of contact, but then she silently handed over her small burden. Her eyes spoke volumes to him, she was placing her trust back in him once more. This time, he would not break it.

They walked away together from the sacred spot where their love had been born again. As Claire cast one last look back into the clearing, she spotted something that she had never seen before. A pure white dove was perched on the branches of the trees above where Charlie had knelt. It seemed to look straight at her when she spotted it and for a single moment, Claire saw wisdom in the bird's eyes. It cooed after them, the sound blending into the song of the sea and the trees as if the whole world was blessing them.

She looked back to Charlie, the words on her lips to tell him to turn and see the beauty of the bird. Her words stuck in her throat however at the grin on Charlie's face as he looked down at her son. Like a proud father, the first time he catches a glimpse of his son. As Charlie clutched Aaron tighter to his chest, she caught a glimpse of the word spelled out across his fingers. Fate was what the letters spelled out. Fate was what each of these moments, each of their stories, had spelled out. Fate was what the psychic had told her of in another life, before she had been born again.

Fate. The stark black letters reflected in her eyes and finally, the meaning was found.

And for the first time, Claire believed.

-

fin

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End file.
