Queer as Folk Muse

Disclaimer - None of the characters in the following story belong to me. They belong to Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman and Showtime. No money is being made. No Infringement is intended. This story's purpose was to keep me sane until season three begins in March J 

Title - Muse

Rating - R (slash and language)

Spoilers - season two, especially 203.

Summary - A filler from 203, Brian returns to the loft to check up on Justin.

Muse

Releasing Michael from his warm embrace, Brian turned and continued the walk back to the loft. Regardless of the strong face that the boy wore, he felt very uneasy leaving Justin alone for any extended period of time. At times, Justin would still wake up violently or even screaming which scared Brian as much as it angered him that his mind was one thing that he could not keep him from. 

Walking smoothly into the building he opted to climb the stairs rather than take the elevator. Something inside him would not allow him to remain still. With an increased heart rate, Brian inserted his key, flicked his wrist, and slid the door open. Justin, who was sitting on the couch, immediately turned his body to face him. 

"Hey," he said rather brightly.

"Hey," Brian responded.

The vibrant blue of the younger man's eyes seemed a bit glassy and Brian quickly garnered that he had been crying. Instead of asking what was wrong, he walked over to Justin and leaning down swiftly but lovingly kissed his lips. Upon pulling back, he saw Justin's sketchbook closed before him on the coffee table and a pencil a few feet away lying forgotten on the floor.

"Still no better?" he carefully asked.

Turning his body back around, Justin shook his head and sniffed once. Brian's heart fell a little as he looked at him. Drawing was something that always gave Justin such great pleasure and since it had been taken away so violently, a piece of him had vanished as well.

"It'll get better," Brian stated.

"How d'ya figure?" Justin said with a helpless, little laugh.

Shrugging his shoulders slowly Brian studied the boy's face.

"Because it can't get any worse," he said in the sympathetic tone.

Justin sighed and leaned into the cushions behind him. Brian watched as the boy wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I hate this Brian," he said in a thick voice.

Unable to think of anything to say to alleviate the pain, Brian dropped to his knees behind the couch, snaked his hands down Justin's arms and rested his chin in the crook of his neck. Slowly, he felt the body he enveloped within his embrace relax.

"Can I do anything?"

Justin exhaled loudly and shook his head languidly. However, as Brian moved away from him the young man grabbed his hand and pulled him back closer. 

"Actually," he began carefully. "Would you be willing to let me try something?"

As Brian's left eyebrow formed a perfect arch, his lips formed into a smirk.

"What did you have in mind?"

Justin gave him an almost shy smile and pulled on his hand.

"Come here."

Brian permitted his young partner to pull him until he stood before him.

"Turn around and sit down," Justin said gently.

Brian's mouth now gave off an impression of confusion, but he did as he was told and sat down on the floor. He closed his eyes as Justin inched forward on the couch until Brian was sitting between his knees. Almost immediately, Brian pushed himself back against his crotch and slowly moved his shoulder blades against the denim of his blue jeans. Justin smiled and reached for Brian's right hand but before he could clasp it, Brian turned his head in anticipation to be kissed.

Even though they had begun to make love again since Justin's attack, Brian was still hesitant about initiating physical contact and had begun to wait for Justin to make the first move. Unable to resist, Justin leaned in and Brian caught his upper lip between the both of his. Pulling back slightly, Brian rubbed his nose against his and leaned in for another kiss, but Justin pulled away before their lips could again make contact.

"Hmm," he moaned. "Later. I wanna try something."

Brian theatrically sighed and flashed his best "love me" eyes. Justin smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Later," he repeated. "I promise. Now, turn back around."

Brian gave him a mock frown but turned back around as again Justin leaned in closer and reached to clasp another pencil that rested on the table.

"Here," Justin said handing him the utensil. "Grip this like you were going to draw."

"Like I know how the fuck to do that."

"Ah, you're useless," Justin said with a smile. "Like this."

Justin used both his hands to wrap Brian's slender fingers correctly around the thin cylinder. Once he was satisfied, he removed his left hand and opened his sketchbook to the last drawing that he had been working on. A drawing of the bedroom that he had started before he was attacked. Even though it was only a rough sketch, Brian was amazed at the young man's skill. Like a scratchy black and white photo it seemed.

"That's pretty good," Brian said honestly.

"Yeah," the younger man agreed. "I just hope I'll get to finish it somehow."

Brian waited with his eyes locked on the drawing before him as Justin cleared his throat.

"Now," Justin continued. "I wanna see if maybe . . . I don't know, maybe I can guide your hand."

Brian took in a breath and allowed the boy's idea to sink in. As much as he wanted to help Justin, he knew that this could not be a solution. However, if this would give him confidence of any kind, or hell, just allow him to feel better, then it was worth it.

"All right," Brian responded. "Guide me."

Closing his eyes, Brian felt Justin slide up tight against his back. Positioning himself so that his chin was almost resting on Brian's left shoulder, Justin gently squeezed his delicate fingers around Brian's fist and moved his hand to the rough imitation of their bedroom, stopping above the head of the mattress. Slowly, Justin moved Brian's hand over the paper to form the cylinder blue lights. Even though he tried not to, Brian felt his shoulders moving back against the warm body wrapped around him. It was torture having Justin's hand on his, his body pressed to his, lips so close to touching his neck yet not kissing. Brian did not have to see Justin's eyes to know that he was highly concentrated on his work. He could feel his intensity burning into his shoulder. Suddenly, Brian felt a slight tremor and watched as Justin's hand had started to tremble. After hearing the noise of from behind him, Brian clasped Justin's hand before he could pull away. 

"No," he said firmly.

Brian turned his head so that he could look into the glassy eyes.

"Try again," he asked more than ordered. "Come on."

Justin sighed and tightened his hand once again as he continued to guide Brian's hand. Slowly, the lights above the bed began to look familiar. It was more difficult and tiring to try to motivate another's hand in lieu of his own, but Justin had become focused again. Every so often he could softly ask Brian reposition a finger or loosen his grip, but aside from that the two did not speak. The time was as lost as Brian was in the feeling of having Justin so close and in a non-sexual way. Never would he have thought that he would feel so content simply having another close to him. Then again, things had always been different with Justin. However, when Justin felt satisfied with the creation of the lights, he sighed loudly and released Brian's hand. Only then did he register that his hand was cramped. His senses were not calm however and as Justin began to pull away, he turned and clasped the younger man's upper arms.

"Where are you going?" Brian asked in a playful tone.

Justin gave him a slight smile.

"Back into the couch," he answered. "I'm tired."

Raising an eyebrow at him, Brian pulled himself closer so that he was speaking against his lips.

"Excuse me," he argued. "I was a good little assistant. I think I deserve a reward."

Justin's lips formed a small smile that soon vanished as a mask of lust took its place. Sensing this, Brian slowly connected their lips again and was satisfied to feel the smaller man immediately respond to him with vigor. Pushing himself up on his knees, Brian leaned further into Justin who in turn pulled himself closer as well. It was soon difficult to see that there were two separate creatures tangled together and not one mass of lips and arms. Justin's fingers went into Brian's hair as the older man's lips slid from his mouth and found the smooth curve of his neck. The little moans of pleasure coming from deep within him were more euphonious than anything else to Brian. He rejoiced in making his lover feel good, living for the moments when his name would come from those perfect lips in a hungry tone. Justin gasped when he felt the sharp nibble at his ear lobe and responded further by kissing Brian's cheek numerous times. Brian continued his attentions and soon his lips were leaving a moist trail from Justin's neck, over his jaw line and back to his mouth. The blond opened his lips and gripped Brian tighter as he felt his tongue slip into his mouth. 

"Hmm," Justin moaned as he pulled back. "Is the assistant satisfied?"

Despite the question, Justin knew that there was no way in hell Brian was content. Besides, he had no intention of stopping either.

"Hardly," Brian smiled into Justin's mouth. 

Justin held back a laugh as Brian growled and pulled him off the couch so that he slid down on his knees before him on the floor. Justin's hands slid under Brian's shirt and he ran his hands over the strong flesh of his chest. In turn, Brian was also working on his partner's shirt and broke their contact briefly to pull the sweater over his head. Resuming their kiss, Justin was becoming impatient with the buttons on the black fabric that was keeping Brian's skin from him and resorted to simply ripping it open.

"That's gonna cost you even more," Brian said in mock annoyance. "That was a new shirt."

"Oh, I'm terrified," Justin responded, cowering away from him.

Quickly, Brian reached for him again and after giving him one more long kiss on his swollen lips, he turned him around and pushed him against the edge of the couch. Then came the hands at his waist that worked to undo the belt that Brian tossed clear on the other side of the loft. When he removed it, Justin slid a hand back to caress Brian's bare skin as he felt his jeans slide down his legs. Reaching into a tiny box that they kept by the couch, Brian pulled out a condom and a small bottle of KY. Undoing his own jeans, Brian ripped the small package open with his teeth as he finished sliding the denim down and off his body. After Brian had rolled the condom onto himself, Justin turned his head back for a deep kiss as Brian's hands slide his underwear down revealing his smooth, white skin.

They pulled back slowly and looked at each other for a moment until Justin softly kissed Brian's lips again. With his permission granted, Brian kissed his ear and opened the bottle with an audible pop. Quickly, Brian coated himself with the thick liquid and kissed the nape of Justin's neck before he pushed himself slowly inside. Hearing Justin's sharp intake of breath, Brian slid his hands down his arms and entwined their fingers that clasped the cushions of the couch tightly. It was amazing how Justin could change the mood of their liaisons with nothing more than a breath. Only moments before Brian had been ready to ravish him by any means. Now he wanted nothing more than to be gentle with him and treat him as if he were made of glass.

Brian commenced their rhythm according to Justin's breathing. Unbelievable. Justin had the ability to tame Brain by breathing. Brian moaned into Justin's shoulders as he pushed inside of him again and moved with slightly increased vigor, prepared at any moment to slow down if need be. Justin in the meantime was in heaven. There was no one in the universe who could make Justin feel like Brian did; making him feel so much at once. Brian knew all of his secrets. When and where he liked to be kissed. When to quicken their pace. When to caresses his skin. When to tighten the grip he had on his hand. Brian knew everything.

Twisting his neck, Justin leaned back for a kiss as their lovemaking continued. The slight sounds that Brian made were enough to drive Justin over the edge and indeed it wasn't long before the great wave hit him with full force and then slowly receded. Falling forward, Justin rested his body against the couch and tightened his grip on Brian's fingers as his lover came soon after him. For a long moment, neither of them moved. Brian was plastered to Justin's back and their skin slick with sweat seemed to melt together. 

After a while, Brian kissed Justin's ear and pulled away. Justin turned around and clasped Brian's extended hand, allowing him to pull him to his feet. With their arms wrapped around each other, they walked into the shower. 

Later that night, Justin almost leapt of the bed with the force of awaking so violently from his nightmare. Breathing heavily, Justin turned to his side and upon seeing Brian lying next to him he placed his hands on his shoulders and roughly shook him.

"Brian . . . Brian," Justin said in a worried tone. "Brian!"

Quickly, Brian came out of his sleep and tried to focus on the younger man who was leaning above him with a confused and troubled look in his eyes. When they made eye contact, Justin sighed loudly and covered his face with his hands trying to hide his tears. As much as young man hated to cry, especially in front of Brian, he welcomed the strong, protective embrace that soon came. Justin wept silently in Brian's arms as the older man did what he could to console him. He whispered soothing words and slowly rubbed his back as Justin released his emotions.

"He got you," Justin said in a shaky voice. 

Brian said nothing, only waited for him to continue when he was ready. 

"We were walking out to the parking garage. When we got to your jeep, we kissed and I walked back. When I turned around to look at you He was right there. I screamed your name but He'd already gotten you. You wouldn't wake you. You just . . . lay there. You wouldn't wake up."

"Shh, it's okay," Brian offered. "I'm all right. You're all right. We're fine"

Justin sniffed a few times and attempted to regain control over himself. Brian was beginning to have a difficult time as well and he could feel a lump rising in his throat. He wondered how long this would carry on. How long would Justin be tormented by what happened? He'd done all that he could. He'd made him remember. Why then didn't the dreams stop? Suddenly he cursed himself. He should have done more than bash that fucker's kneecaps in. 

Brian slowly leaned back and held Justin to him as he rested against the pillows and sheets. Still shivering, Justin rested his ear against the steady beating of Brian's heart and entwined their fingers, which came to rest just above Brian's navel. Brian nuzzled into the soft hair on Justin's head and held him as his trembling slowly ceased and he fell back into sleep. Silently, Brain stared off into the darkness of the loft. 

****

The End


End file.
