Bleach 1. My first

**Forget about me**

Chapter one: Breathlessly yours

Rukia: 15 years old(later on 18)  
Ichigo: 17 years old(later on 20)  
Renji:17(later on 20)

Bleach is not mine, and will forever never be mine. All the characters are from the Bleach series and do not fit with the setting of the real series.

* * *

It was raining hard out side, like it was yesterday, but she knew she was not suppose to be there. Trudging along, she fell into a puddle and cursed her luck. She couldn't believe it was already over. It was like as if she didn't have much of sanity left in her after he left her there. Ichigo. He had left her only five days ago, after just that night.

"Flashback" They were at the same park she was in, but in a much happier mood. It was around sunset and they were sitting on the swings as he hummed her favorite song. All she could hear was his soft voice humming. 'His voice is so calm, it sooths the scorching touch of the sun on my back', and all I could think about was when he could ever hum that to me in my ear, while we slept together. Trailing my feet on the ground while the swing slowed, I noticed he had already stopped and was looking at me. Not the kind of look he gave me when I got scared or when he was joking with me about my drawings. It was the same look I wished he would give me when I fantasized him and me together. He slowly got off the swing, making the swings ting and clatter when he left it. He was taking small steps as if he was afraid I might run from him and I got confused. I looked down on the lap to hide the blush coming to my cheeks as he neared me and I wished and hoped that this was real. I clenched the chains and I started to sweat. ' Why I was nervous was a mystery unknown to me ' I never got nervous but here I was shivering like a little kitty.

When he finally reached my swing, he leaned on the pole and stood there, as if waiting for the exact perfect moment. He breathed in sharply and turned to me with a smile.

" Do you remember the day we met Rukia", Ichigo asked. I nodded cause I couldn't say what my mind was telling me to do.  
" I remember like it was yesterday " He stopped as if to think even farther. " You were the weirdest girl I ever met. You were the first one to come up to me and say that my hair was the coolest and that you wished you were as cool as me". He smiled again at me and I lost my breath.

" At that moment I thought, she likes my hair, and I tried to stay away from you, thinking this was going to be a one of the moment kind of friendship, but you always came back with lunch and we always met here". He stopped and pointed at the swings. I laughed, feeling very stupid and young, but oddly cheerful by the fact that he thought of me. I jumped off my swing and twirled around, stopping when he came near.

" I still think your hair is cool," I giggled. He turned with a smirk and walked toward me with his hands in his pockets.  
" Well I think your hair is cute," he whispered as he came in front of me pushing a stray piece of hair behind my head.

I gasped. This was the closest Ichigo has ever been to me and he looked at me like me loved me? I didn't know what to do so I stood still, in shock I guess.

His hand trailed to my face and then to my chin and lifted it to him. Getting closer and closer until we kissed. Ichigo was kissing me I screamed in my head, but I really couldn't think. He was a gentle kisser, but somehow I knew he was a passionate lover. I tried to muffle a moan as he pulled me closer and slipped his tongue in my mouth. My hands that stood limply by my side grasped his shirt and I tried to grab onto something. His lips were rough, but it was soothing to my lips. I felt like it was a need I couldn't resist. After what seemed like eons, he gently pulled away. I whimpered, and I realized what a fool I looked like. My breaths were in pants after the long kiss and when I glanced at him he was in the same state. I blushed, and he smiled at my modesty. He entwined his long, warm fingers into mine and pulled me close, surprising me with his closeness to me. My hands on his chest felt the beat of his heart and, I tried hard not to think about the defined muscles on his chest, but it left my head as I spread my hands onto him and felt him stiffen. I looked up to see a surprised look on his face. I quickly tried to remove them, but his hand held mine and caught my lips with his own. This time with more passion that I couldn't stop the moan that came with it. I knew I wanted more, and fought him for dominance. He soon dominated my mouth, but he made me want something more. He awakened something, but I didn't care if he awakened Frankenstein, at that moment. He pulled apart, ad I tried to make sure he knew that I didn't want to stop.

"Ruki…a," he whispered. I stared into his eyes. " He head came down to my face and whispered it to my mouth the words I've been waiting for.

"I love you" I couldn't believe it. Not in my wildest dreams would he ever say that. Becoming bold, I slipped my hands into his hair and pulled him down to my face, just inches away from my lips to utter, what I thought I was never going to use. "Aishiteru.

From that moment on, the next few minutes were a blur. He carried me to the playhouse. Kissing me furiously, like I was the woman he couldn't get enough of. I kissed him back just as much, trying to show him just how much I loved him. We finally made it there and I wrapped my hands around his neck and he pushed me up as my legs wrapped around his waist. He kissed me on cheek and whispered on how he loved me the moment I said he was cool. Kissing my throat as he trailed down, nipping it and leaving his marks on where he was. I unconsciously moved and he hissed as I felt something come to life. He came onto me quicker than ever, and the next moment, we're on the floor naked, our clothes in the corner mixed with the sand. He was on top of breathing and me hard as he used his hands to touch me everywhere. He kissed me deeply, and left me unsaited as he ventured lower until he came to my breast. I blushed and tried to cover myself, but he removed it and gave me the sexiest look. "Mine," he whispered.


	2. I will Remember

chapter two : I will remember

* * *

I shivered as he uttered those words. I could feel the sand and our sweat mix as Ichigo fanned me with kisses. All I could think of was how happy I was at that moment. Ichigo loves me! I screamed in my head over and over again. This was more than I could ask for. I wanted to do something for him. I wanted him to know that I loved him, just as much and that it wasn't just the heat of the moment kind of thing. 

I pushed him up and stared into his eyes. I loved his eyes. They held such adoration for me, and I hoped it was mirrored into mine. I smiled at him, and he returned it happily. I brushed my lips to his, and he moaned. His lips were still surprisingly smooth and it tingled my lips. I whispered in his ears so quietly I'm surprised he heard. "Make love to me, Ichigo please."

He stiffened and looked at me again, as if I had not uttered the words. I blushed shyly and nodded to him that it was what I wanted. Slowly, as if he thought he could break me, he kissed me once more, lovingly, and trailed it down to my neck, nipping licking as he came by. He nudged my knees apart with his knee and I became nervous. I forgot all thoughts as he claimed my lips again, trailing his tongue on my lips and gliding in. He kissed me like there was no tomorrow and I kissed back with as much urgency. I could feel myself getting lost in the kiss, but I felt like I needed to be closer to him, even thought we were already close enough. He stopped kissing me and I whined from the loss of his lips. He laughed and nipped my nose.

He entwined our fingers and adjusted his position so that I was comfortable.

"It's going to hurt the first time, but I promise it won't hurt after this ok", Ichigo whispered. I nodded my head. He knelt down so that we were only three inches apart. "Are you sure you want to do this," he asked. "I don't want to hurt you", he pressed on again. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with all the love I could muster.

"No I want you, and only you", I whispered. He entwined our fingers again leaning closer, so that our foreheads touched, and I could feel our sweat mix together. Slowly, he pushed in inch by inch, when he finally stopped, he claimed my lips and thrust in. I don't think I screamed louder than I ever screamed before. It felt like something was breaking me inside, as tears claimed my eyes. I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to focus on something else. Ichigo stayed still and whispered in my ear apologetically, and telling me over and over again that it wouldn't hurt anymore. After what felt like hours, I finally moved and I felt him hiss. I looked at Ichigo and saw him sweating. I moved again and he rolled so that I was on top.

"Feel better?" he asked. All I could do was moan, as the pain started to fade and the fire grew. I spread my hands on his chest and felt around his muscles, admiring the way; it twitched when I roamed on it. Ichigos hands made it to my hips as he nodded to me and pulled me up to drop me. I gasped, and I heard him gasp too. From then on, our bodies moved in a rush. Ichigos hands gripped my hips as he pushed me against him as I moved to our rhythm. All I could hear were his grunts and I felt the need for the fire to burn once again.

He started to thrust into me as I threw my head back in pleasure. I never thought it would feel so good to be with Ichigo. To feel him within me, and be one. I wanted him to feel the way I felt but I didn't know how. I kissed him again, but rougher and he groaned then stopped, I glanced up to see him roll over and I soon found myself on the bottom. I smiled up at him and he thrust back into me. We started a new rhythm, as he thrust into me as I tried to thrust back. It was almost frenzied as he thrust getting faster and faster. He was going faster and faster and to the point of exploding. I could feel myself tighten, as I knew I was coming, but I wanted him to come with me. I clung to his neck and kissed him with all my might, making us closer, I exploded and squeezed him round me making him come with me. I moaned his name, coming down as he clung to me after yelling my name. I felt so warm, and I still felt the orgasm, roll through me. Our breaths were mingled as he panted on head, as I rested my head on his chest. The world outside was quiet, and it began to become cold. He squished me under his arm and kissed my gently on the lips.

"I love you Rukia".

"I love you too Ichigo", I whispered as sleep overtook me. The last thing I remembered was Ichigo throwing his clothes on me as I fell asleep listening to the wind blow lightly on the house. Little did I know that it was going to be the last time I was ever going to see him again.


	3. Lonely goodbye

chapter three : Lonely goodbye

* * *

Rukia could feel herself start to become conscious, but she refused to wake up to such a cold morning. Today wasn't her day, she thought. Thinking back to last night, she gasped and woke right up to find an empty space. "Ichigo, she whispered sadly. _Where was he, she thought, I thought you loved me_. Small tears started to form and she wiped them away like there was an imaginary bee in its place. Moaning, she kept her head high and decided to walk home, before stopping to Ichigo's place. I need to se him. I need to know it was real. I want to know he still loves me. I need him, she screamed. 

Her heart was pounding to a chaotic beat. She felt like she could die, with not knowing. This feeling was nothing she ever experienced, and she didn't want to feel it. It wasn't fear or anger, it was the only thing Pandora left for us … hope. Hope that clawed at her that he still loved her. That he just left for an emergency. An assurance that he still wanted her. That someone actually wanted her. No one wanted her at home. She had no home. Home was where her father and mother had abandoned her. Home was where she cried out to God as he watched her mourn for them. No, home was with Ichigo. Ichigo…she whispered before escaping the house that they shared, and walked right into the traitorous morning.

Rukia walked slowly to Ichigos house as the sun started to peak out of the clouds that covered it. Her hands were clasped at her side as she gripped his watch. The watch was what he said was one of his most prized possessions. She smiled at that memory, and soon regretted it when it pulled at her heart and began to ache for him. She had given that watch for him after his sixteenth birthday. She had been working for a week just to get him it. It was silver with fake diamond numbers encrusted on it for numbers. On the back, it said that she hoped that one day they would run away together to find happiness and be friends forever. Rukia had only added that friends forever for the sake of not being rejected. Ichigo didn't notice though and hugged her with all his might. She watched almost smiling as he bragged to Renji about his gift and laughed as they picked yet another fight. _'I love you'._

She gripped the watch and shut her eyes tightly, I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't hope. I won't want. She screamed as a bike almost hit her and she fell to her knees. How could Ichigo lover her when she was so small, and unattractive, and had no breast like Orihime. Orihime was beautiful and cute and never bugged Ichigo she thought. They'll be cute she thought. But her heart begged her to differ as she walked up to Ichigo's house and rang the door. She waited and listened, but no footsteps came and she rang it again. She stepped back a few places and waited for her Ichigos dad to run out with his little sister on his tail. It was tradition, she thought, but yet no one came. It seemed quiet, she thought, even at this hour; the whole family would be awake, making a ruckus. The neighbors would scowl at them, but never seriously. Everyone loved the Kurosaki clinic. Peering through the window, she saw darkness and. Why are the lights off she wondered, the light was always on to assure the people around that they would help at any time and sometimes travelers would come along at a time like that. Stepping away from the window, she placed her ears to the door and almost fell in when it opened. So much for graceful she thought. Rubbing her temple, she looked up to find nothing. Everything was gone, there was nothing left. She had never seen the house like this and ran up to Ichigo's room. She banged the door open and found nothing. Nothing to say good-bye to. Not wanting to seem brave anymore she crashed to the floor, clutching his watch as she cried her heart out for being so stupid and believe he would still be here. "There's no more hope in the world", she whispered as she fainted from exhaustion. Sleep was her heaven, because no one could hurt her and she could never hope in what her dreams could be like, because that's how they were.

* * *

Jogging to Ichigo's house, Renji found the door opened, and nothing inside. 

"Kuso", he swore as he ran up the stairs. The only room found opened was Ichigo's. To say he was beyond surprised was nothing. He found Rukia on the floor, curled up in a ball and swore at her state. He touched her face at how cold it was and how little color it was showing. Brushing her hair back, he noticed she was wearing the same clothes she as wearing yesterday, and probably didn't go home. Home, he grumbled, that was hardly what he called home. Lightly picking her up, He laid her in his lap and waited for her to wake up.

Last night before leaving, Ichigo grabbed him and whisked him into a corner where Rukia went to go sit on the swings. At first he thought Ichigo was trying to put the moves on him and punched him in the face.

"What the Fuck was that for you bouzo", she whispered harshly. He whispered harshly saying that he wasn't gay. Ichigo sweat dropped and bonked him in the head and said he wasn't either.

"What do you want then", he asked. He and Ichigo weren't on exactly good terms. They were friends, but rivals in their hearts. He knew Rukia loved Ichigo and he felt the same, but neither of them knew he knew both of their deepest secrets.

Ichigo sighed and leaned against a tree and ruffled his hair. "Take care of her ok", he said sadly. "What for", he asked but he was already gone to the swings, waving him off. Renji stared blankly at him and yelled all the way home why stupid orange haired guys had o act so mysterious.

* * *

It wasn't until that morning did he realize Ichigo was going somewhere and apparently, wasn't going to tell Rukia. He had gone right after he got out of bed, but by the looks of it, they had left, a long time ago. I'll take care of her Ichigo, he whispered to the dark, open house. 

"I'll come back Rukia" Ichigo promised as if he heard her strangled cries. He watched as his hometown went out of view and lt one teardrop fall down, before settling into his seat and almost wanting to let go of Rukia when she could do without him.

"I'll come for you Rukia", Ichigo whispered, "Wait for me"

* * *


	4. Memory less

Chapter 4: Memory less

* * *

Everyday was the same to her, a number in a calendar that seized to know when it would move on. The days turned into months, and the months turned into years and soon enough, it had been three years since she had last saw that boy that made her heart sing and die at the same time. 

Rukia sighed as the birds outside her window cheeped and sang their hearts out to the cheery morning that at least helped her feel a little happy. Today was the day she would forget about him. He had been in her dream today but it wouldn't be any different from the many dreams she had with him. Once, she had forgotten about what he looked like and went crazy trying to find the last picture that they had taken together. When she finally found one, she drowned it in tears until the picture seemed to fade with some of her hope for his return.

Of course today of all days were important to her. This was the anniversary of the day he went and moved away from the city to a place unknown. She was meeting Renji for what he called a day of "Fun in the Sun". She wouldn't buy that lame excuse. She knew that he was using that to get her to come out, and she was. Cautiously then slowly to the point where she thought that her progress moved as much as a little snail moved from one state to another. It was working, she'd admit it. She only thought about him once a day, and that was only in the morning, what she hated the most was her heart. Her mind and her heart betrayed her.

She began to have those same feelings she had for a boy, but now it seemed to be towards someone else. The looks, the smirks, and of course the outrageous temper. If she didn't know any better she would've thought they were fraternal twins. She didn't know if she could take it anymore. She was falling hard. It wasn't a bad hard too. It felt nice.

She felt it everyday she was with him, not exactly the way he did it but a little different. He made her feel special. He made her warm and beautiful to look at. The first time she smiled it what seemed like a whole lifetime, caught on fire of her heart and began burning with the same desire to be with someone. She was going to meet him today. Maybe even tell him how she felt. At that thought she blushed.

"Here I go," she said to herself, her silky nightgown falling to the floor.

* * *

Ichigo was never the type of guy who would ever I mean ever dress up to impress. He knew what his look was and he kept with it. Laid back and casual was his thing and he never wanted to change it. But he found himself in the stain glassed mirror of a run down bathroom staring at himself and trying, or attempting to make himself look…. handsome. He smirked at that thought and wondered why he was so nervous. This was going to be the first time he'd been home in a hell of a long time, and he wanted to look good for her. Knowing her, she would immediately notice the change and raise her eyebrow in a quirk that got him to laugh every time. Today he was going to meet her again and tell her what happened so long ago.

* * *

The sound of the clattering forks and spoons clanked on the plate as she entered the small but cozy café she loved so much. The café was in a small suburban area and like all cafes had a catchy slogan to it's name and the natural warmth that came along with it. This certain café was Renji's favorite for a reason she knew to well. He explained it to be the "Best place in the freaking world". He liked the music that played and how no one cared how oddly different he looked from the rest of them. 

She didn't like to admit it but she found herself daydreaming them together forever with miniature Renji's playing around with sticks, but whenever she dreamt of this, Ichigo's face would appear on their faces and she would cry out from the frustration of still wanting him. Wanted him like he wanted her that day he loved her forever. And that's what she wanted, for him to love her forever and not leave her like he did. With Renji she was always assured and knew that with a future with Renji, it would always be a fairytale ending, one she always wanted, but somewhere dormant in her heart, she yearned for a love that made her heart burst with so much passion and made her crazy for him every single moment she breathed air. A sick kind of love that was with him.

She sat down in a corner and leaned against the chair as she waited for Renji to arrive and have their traditional chocolate cappuccino with extra whip cream. The warmth in the room was making her a bit sleepy, so she closed her eyes and lay down on her hands wondering what was holding Renji up. He was usually never late. _**Go….Ichi…Ichi…Ichigo**._

"Rukia?" a soft strong voice called to her. The warm room blurred in her vision and she wondered why she felt like she had the biggest hangover in her life. A large hand touched her bare shoulders and she looked up to see. Her eyes were making fun of her. The room blurred in the background as she touched the hand on her shoulder and felt the similarity. That hand touched her there before. What did she see? Why was she seeing him? This boy that had orange hair and those memorizing brown eyes.

She knew she shouldn't have said it. In the years that passed she never said it out loud. An unspoken rule they had made up to put it behind them and before she could stop herself, she said that deceitful name she always spoke with so much love adoration.

"_**Ichigo**"._

_

* * *

_


	5. Old memories never die

Chapter five: Old memories never die

* * *

There's a time in your life when all time passes by, and all you can think or do is open your mouth in shock and the moment you move, time seems to fast-forward as if to catch back up in time. That was how Rukia felt at that moment. Her world literally stopped the moment she let herself remember that haunting face, she obsessively dreamed about everyday. He was here. Ichigo was here. What did she do now? What was she thinking now? 

Memories of them together flashed through her mind in a jumbled bunch. She felt as if her mind was flipping through a scrapbook of pictures of Ichigo and her together, laughing smiling looking at each other. Time when she wished hoped and obsessed over him and waited for the day for him to notice her growing love for him every single moment since the day she met him. He was the only boy she had ever liked._ "The only one" _she whispered.

His hand at her shoulder rubbed little circles on her shoulder and she wished she could move, stand up, push him away, and do something. Her body and her brain seemed to be frozen. None of which were being cooperative. She let out a surprised gasp when he slid his hands down her arms and she flinched away. His face seemed to be shocked, and he pulled back his hand as if he didn't want to surprise her too much. You already did she thought.

"Rukia", he whispered so low. She bet that he didn't think she would hear it. But she could hear everything he said. Why did he have to say her name so...nice. But she loved it, no yearned for it more than she thought. He seemed so real for her, Ichigo was finally here registered in her brain and she didn't know what made her do it but the moment he said her name again, she jumped out of her seat, and wrapped her hands around his waist and sobbed in an room shattering cry.

* * *

There wasn't anything really that ever got to Ichigo. He didn't have a weakness. Sure he got pissed off some time, but never to the point where he knew he was going to blow up at the closest person. Even Renji, and his annoying antics to beat him at everything, didn't get to him. Only once had he ever really blew up and that was because of her. 

It was the beginning of the third grade and all the kids around were crowded around the track, watching Rukia and another girl he didn't really remember race each other. Of course he hadn't really cared at all who won, but he knew to Rukia, her whole world would break down if she lost.

She was just the type who took winning to the ultimate. Of course Ichigo wouldn't had known the feeling of losing for he had never- never lost anything to anyone at all, not even to himself. As he watched the two girls take their place, he watched interested as a boy ran across the track and threw down a banana, looked up in Rukia's direction to find no one watching and laughed as he hid in a bush. It wasn't until the race started did he realize that the boy had purposely put the banana there so that Rukia would slip and lose the race. Before he knew it, he saw it all happening. The fall, the look on everyone's face, the contact of torn skin to the cement, and the moment Rukia realized she had lost the race. Rukia had cried the entire day in the nurse's office, and Ichigo had spent the entire day in the principle's office writing a letter to the principal, telling him why fighting solved absolutely nothing. But it had solved everything. That was the day Ichigo realized what his weakness was.

Ichigo gazed down at her ink black hair and laid his cheek onto her hair, feeling the silky waves tickle his nose and the scent of misty peaches reach his nose. Pulling her closer, he rubbed big circles on her back and smiled as she began to hiccup and decrease her crying. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he couldn't help but feel happy as he hugged her. Her tiny, petite hands clutched his shirt and nestled her face into his shirt. He couldn't see her but he knew she would be beautiful. How long had he waited for this day to happen? Months, years, minutes? He had Rukia back in his arms and he wasn't going to let her go - ever again.

* * *

Rukia sighed in content as she digged her face into his chest. When had she forgotten the scent of his skin? The sweet but manly smell that clung onto him wherever he went. She tried not to jump up in down, when he hugged her tighter and she remembered when he had hugged her and kissed her like this the last time. The feel of his heart beating next to hers and his finger entwined with hers so lovingly as he gazed down at her with one of her favorite smiles. That crooked grin of his that made her want to kiss him over and over again and ask herself over and over again how she could ever smile, laugh live without him. He was Ichigo, the same Ichigo so long ago. 

She pulled away from him almost suddenly, and blushed as he tried to reach for her again, but she moved away. That's right she thought. He was the same Ichigo from so long ago. The one who left her, the one who said he loved, the one who hurt her.

"Rukia" he said again, stepping closer but she took another one. "Don't," she said. Her arms went around her automatically, in an insecure hug and she was glad Renji wasn't here or he would've made a fuss about what was wrong. "I can't do this... We can't do this," she said.

He looked away, her favorite grin, wiped away and his frown back where it came from. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away. Rukia watched him from the corner of her eyes and regretted ever saying that. She loved him so much. So much it hurt whenever she thought of him. A little prick that stayed in her heart, never letting her get the satisfaction of ever letting him go. She loved him so much, but not enough to let him take control over her again.

"Why?" Ichigo asked as he stared right into her eyes. They were so full of raging brown. She saw something she never thought she saw in his eyes. Determination.

"I can't," she whispered again. She felt as if she was a robot, capable of only saying two words. I can't I can't. "I'm confused". He gazed down at her, and before she could even move, he had evaded her space, dominating her, towering her demanding her to tell him what he wanted. His hand had caught her fingers and entwined them once again, bringing them to his lips, kissing them and brushing them along her knuckles. She gasped at the feeling and was shocked to find butterflies flutter in her stomach and a burn that started to fire. "Is this confusing?" he whispered huskily as he pulled her closer and kissed her neck slowly, tantalizing up and down. His teeth, biting softly on her skin to leave little spots of purple dots. She gasped out loud and held onto his shirt as he continued to kiss her up and down, pushing her blouse away from her neck and kissing it to make her shiver with need. "Is this confusing?" he whispered darkly into her ear, pulling her closer into his space until he had pulled her into a little corner of the cafe where magazines and books were laid out. His hand pushed away her bangs and he kissed her forehead.

Her mind was screaming up and down. A big red light flashing in her mind telling her that she couldn't wouldn't and shouldn't go back to this. This mad, dark, obsession with him. This unwanted vulnerability that she always prided herself against. She had to stop him and say something.

His hand caressed her cheek and she wondered what she could say. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what she thought. All she knew was that she didn't want him to stop. Stop loving her. His forehead rested on hers and their nose met. She could feel his warm breath on her lips and his hands touching her lips. His hands were rough and at that moment all she could think of were those hands on her body as he held her and touched her in places that would make her blush. She remembered the way she had responded to him so eagerly and kissed him with so much passion, she wondered if it that really was her and not some other girl. She remembered the way his lips had tugged at her lips in a sensual way and licked at it to soothe it. Looking at his lips, she wondered what it felt like to kiss him again.

"Is this confusing?" he asked again, kissing both her cheeks, and she felt herself blush in a way she knew would surprise even him, but he only chuckled as if he knew she would react that way. "Is this confusing?" he whispered in her ear as he kissed her neck with only the brushes of his lips. "Is this confusing?" he whispered as he tugged her even tighter to him and kissed her nose in the most endearing sentiment that she hoped he couldn't hear her heart thump so hard against her chest.

Her hands unconsciously went around his neck and he lowered his head, and he whispered the next few words she didn't hear, and captured her lips with such passion, she moaned in agony at the feeling and clung to him helplessly. She knew she shouldn't have done that. Let him kiss her with so much passion. Touch her as if he owned her all along, and recapture her heart in his little love net. The moment he kissed her, she knew she was done for, after all it was Ichigo and she couldn't help but fall right back in love with him.

* * *


	6. Can't forgive what you you can't forget

Chapter six : Can't forgive what you can't forget

* * *

Renji had a habit of always being late for those little "outings" he and Rukia had together. He didn't know whether or not to feel happy or guilty for the fact that he had unconsciously used the biggest trick in the books, on "How to win a girl". He had in one-way or another gotten sucked into the role of being that loser who the girl cried on, her anchor in more ways than once; the most important person to her in whole world (or at that moment).

He always felt uneasy about that fact. The fact that one day-maybe sooner then he hoped would be the day that Ichigo (the sorry bastard he was) would come back and without even trying, win Rukia's heart back and have her in his arm once more. He always tried harder to win her and did all he could do to make her fall for him.

He did small things, but from what he had heard, that was what most young girls liked. Not saying Rukia was just some girl. No she was more than that. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but she had this sort of spark that shook jolts of fantastic feelings in his heart to make him feel like a fool. Her smiles, as if she had saved them only for him would gaze up at him so lovingly and with so much confidence in him, he really hoped it wasn't just there, in his head.

Once in a while he brought her her favorite red tulips that she always loved when he brought over. He'd bring her homemade lunches and brought her to his most favorite restaurants and resting places. He showed her what it would feel like to be with him. Have someone to love her with their whole life, for Rukia was his life. She was the reason he never quit that horrible job. To even buy her cute little stuff animals and help her with her rent. She was everything he had ever wanted. You could say he followed her like a lovesick puppy but what could he do? He loved her! Wasn't that what love was like. To be vulnerable once and a while? He hoped so or it would all be in vain.

He hoped he didn't conjure up a dream where he had proposed to her and she had accepted happily, jumping into his arms and saying how much she had waited for this moment. He smiled at that thought, after all, he could at least hope. Stuffing the miniature red box into his pockets, he walked into the café to hopefully the center of his happiness.

* * *

Rukia sighed in heavenly bliss as she snuggled into the couch with Ichigo by her side. His arm at her waist played little circles that made her jump with excitement and giddiness. Her laying on his chest and the world felt calm and harmonious. So perfect she wanted to jump up and down and scream at the top of her lungs at her good luck. Nuzzling his shoulder, she didn't think about how stupid she looked or how she must have looked like a cat looking for it's owner to pet her but only thought about him. 

Ichigo laughed as she nuzzled to him more and felt her soft petite body curl into his warmth. It had reminded him of that day at the park. He groaned at that thought. He didn't want to seem sensitive or emotional, but that day-no just that time with Rukia was just- well it was….beautiful. Blushing at that thought he didn't seem to notice the warmth of a body until he found himself staring straight back at a pair of curious gray eyes.

His hand automatically caressed her cheek and he wondered if his body ever did things on it's own. It was if it always knew she was near. She nuzzled into his hand and scooted closer to him, as if asking for more.

"Rukia"

"Hmmm..", Rukia responded dazedly. For all she knew, the world was going to end and she wouldn't give a danm. Staring up at him, she wondered how she could have not wanted this boy. This boy, that kissed her with those lips.

Leaning in closer while her hands slowly crept over to his neck, she thought of how much this moment meant to her. How much her time with Ichigo could last forever, but before she could lean down and kiss his lips once more, Ichigo had turned his head and was staring up surprised at an angry face.

"Rukia!"

Rukia stared up surprise and without even comprehending what she had done she had scrambled off of Ichigo's lap and mumbled out in consistent blabbering "howitwasn'twhatitlookedlike" statement. She didn't even remember! How could she have forgotten about Renji? Sweet, caring Renji. The same Renji who saved her from her state of low confidence.

She was so caught.

She looked up at him and she knew she felt terrible. Worse than guilty in fact. Felt guilty that she had been with Ichigo and had totally forgotten him. She was such a bitch. She felt like the gum underneath people's shoes. His eyes. God they were like open windows to his feelings. She swore it was as if he was yelling at her. He didn't need to though. His eyes told her every little thing and she felt herself squirm underneath his glare. Renji never glared at her, but she didn't think it would hurt so much now.

"Hoy scar face, what's up?" Rukia turned to see Ichigo still splayed over the couch with a smirk on his face.

She could almost hear Renji's teeth crunch in his mouth. His lips in a tight grin and his eyebrows in a horizontal line that she knew he would blow at any second.

But she was once again surprised to see that he had (for once) ignored Ichigo and turned straight to her.

"How could you do this Rukia?" He was in her face now and she didn't know what to do. She wanted to say sorry. Do something that would make Renji understand and not be mad at her.

He didn't stop there though. "How could you go back to him?" He stopped and angrily pointed a finger at him as if he was a child pointing out the troublemaker in the class. "Do you remember what he did to you?" he asked her. His voice had gotten softer and she felt herself doubting him now. His hand came to caress her cheek. Her mind fought with her heart. "Do you remember?" he said again. She didn't know what to do. Why would she want to remember? But she couldn't stop the rush of horrid emotions slamming into her mind. She remembered now.

She remembered the tears. God there were so many tears. So many tears that she couldn't see. She was blind, all the time. And it rained a lot. Heavy rain clouds that hovered above her head. She remembered the lonely night she stayed up thinking of him. The nights that she dreamt of him every single day. The days she didn't bother to eat or sleep much till she couldn't even get out of bed. The sicken obsessive feeling she felt for him, and then when love had had enough fun playing with her physical health, it continued to play with her mental one as well.

She had started to think lowly of herself. Feeling as if she wasn't beautiful enough or strong enough. Tall enough, pretty enough, anything enough to make Ichigo want to stay with her. Her mind had told her that he had left because she wasn't worth the stay for. But that not what had really gotten to her. She had truly started to believe that Ichigo had used her. Taken what he had wanted and left what was left over.

By this time, she had begun to cry rivers of water. She shook her head to stop those thoughts but all she could come up was a face she didn't want to see. The face of a cruel Ichigo laughing at her, taunting her and killing her all over.

"Rukia!" It had said again, and she didn't know what to do. He stood up and began to walk towards her getting in her space and leaving her confused once again. She stepped back, afraid that if he took one more step she would not think clearly.

She couldn't see his face anymore, replaced by a face that only her mind had made up.

Ichigo flinched back. What did he do? What had he become to her to make such a horrid emotion come on her face. She seemed fine until scar face had come and yelled at her. She had seemed so guilty. As if she had just got caught cheating. And then she had started crying. Waving her head back and forth saying no, no-no more. Her face had turned a light pink and her hands began furiously wiping the tears away but to no prevail.

He had to do something. If she continued she'd be sick. "Rukia stop crying your going to make yourself sick" he tried saying her but she had back away with unconscious steps. "Rukia…" he tried reaching to her again. Anything to get her to smile again. He could feel his own strong wall of emotion fall. Renji had steeped in front of her. Acting as her sentinel and protector. Anger throwing daggers into him, but he didn't notice. All he could see was Rukia and her split face hiccupping and sobbing into her hands.

"Don't even move one foot," he said. "You've done enough, just go to whatever place you came from again and leave her alone" He said to Ichigo with an air of serious. "You've done it before, and I'm sure as hell that you can do it again", he added with a sad smile plastered on his face. Rukia had tensed at this, then looked at him with a look of such disgust and remorse. The hurt in her eyes ripping him apart.

"Why did you leave?" she had asked. Her eyes stared at him as did not even believe herself.

Renji gave a disgruntled face at her question. But Ichigo didn't even bother hiding his shock.

He didn't know how long he stood there as he watched her practically get carried out of the coffee shop with Renji hounding her down. The last thing he saw were those sad gray eyes.

He didn't say anything for a moment, as if he in return was questioning himself.

"Shit" he said. He fucked up for sure. Winning Rukia back would be harder than he thought.

* * *

Well I finally finished the next chapter, but I must say that it was very boring, but I really don't want Rukia to give in too easily. Afterall she's suppose to be strong and not so weak. Until the next chapter!-Randy and Joanne 


	7. Finding the Truth

Chapter seven : Finding the truth

* * *

"Rukia"

Rukia turned away from the voice. "I don't want to hear it Renji, I just don't want to hear it".

She could hear his defeated sigh, but it only increased her inability to sense anything happening around her. The stool beside the table scraped on her marble floor and was placed by her side near the window. Renji's hand came to rest upon her shoulder but she couldn't feel its warmth or the dead weight upon her.

"Rukia- I know you want to be alone, but I can't let you mourn over him anymore. You've cried enough for him ok, you've cried enough. No more tears, no regrets, just-". But Rukia had had enough of what he had to say. He didn't understand the feeling of the freezing hell clouding her mind. No one did.

"Shut up" she whispered. But Renji ignored her once again, speaking over her like a mother disciplining her child.

"Don't waste your time on that stupid fuck-." He babbled on. And she didn't know why but at that moment she blew.

"SHUT UP!"

Her chair fell and the cup of tea she was drinking fell on the table, dripping on the floor to make an odd sort of sound.

The scary silence only lasted seconds, and although she knew she didn't have a clock that ticked, it felt like the silence went on ticking in her mind.

Her fingers gripped the wooden table; her dull nails scraping little fragments in her nails. Her little breaths were pants and she felt like she didn't have control over what she would do. She was sorry she had said it so harsh and with so much anger, but could not allow Renji to tell her lies or truths. She didn't want to believe him.

Renji stood up, the stool making a screeching sound that made her wince at the sound. He turned his back to her, but she couldn't face him now. Later she thought, later.

Renji began walking to the door, but stopped near the arch, then began to search in his pocket for something. Rukia narrowed her eyes out of the corner of her eyes and watched him curiously. After a few moments he stopped and pulled out a tiny square box then turned right back to her. When he was just one breath away from her she snapped her head to the side and feigned indifference, but immediately regretted it when she saw the look on his face. His warm hand cupped her tiny ones and she forced herself not to flinch from his touch. The tiny box sat in her palm; a small weight she knew would be inside.

When she looked up, she stared into two flaming maroon eyes and felt even more ashamed at her actions. Never looking away from her he opened the box for her and turned it to her to see.

She knew what it was, anticipated it, but when she opened it she felt like a complete fool. Tiny little raindrops materialized from her eyes, that she had to turn her head to wipe them away.

Renji held her hand and all she could think was that she couldn't do this. She didn't want this. Not with him. Not like this.

"Renji" she began but he cut her off with a finger to her lip and she obeyed.

"Rukia" He began sheepishly. "You know that I've… that I've loved you all along, and I know you love Ichigo, but I don't think he deserves you. You deserve someone who will love you and care for you. I want to be that kind of guy. I can be that guy for you, just give me a chance. A chance to prove to you that I love you without so many words involved. Will you marry me?"

* * *

"Ring, Ring, Ring!!!!!"

Rukia shot up. Oh my Kami, she thought. Sweat trickled down her eyebrow and down the corners of her lips but she paid no mind to it. Lying back down, she placed her hand in her heart and felt its frantic pulse begin to slow down. Oh Kami she thought again to herself.

How many nights did she dream about what happened that day. What was she going to do now? One glance at her hand and she could feel the regret radiating off of her.

If she were in a different situation she would have admired the small round cut diamond. It's simple elegance made her feel like a princess. She laughed, and then moaned in agony as she hit her head on the headboard. Funny she thought, how one little piece of jewelry could mean so much in such a little thing that could make girls so wildly in love with a man. Something so small that told her that he loved her for eternity and more, that he owned her as much as she owned him, that they would spend the rest of their lives waking up to each.

She groaned in her head. Rolling on her side and watched as the numbers on her alarm clock look back at her in a red light, 3:45. She needed to sleep.

* * *

Ichigo watched as three little girls played tag with a red headed boy, who seemed to only want to be as far away from them as possible and laughed at his tactics. The young life he thought then ran his hands through his unusually bright orange hair then rested his hands on his knees then pushed to stand straight. He couldn't concentrate here of all places. Walking away, he sighed the park had always brought him joy, but now left a burden with questions and answers he knew he had to tell her. He didn't want to tell her the truth. The ugly truth.

He had to tell her.

* * *

Rukia stepped onto the tiny platform surrounded by mirrors and looked at herself in disgust and remorse. The saleswoman plopped something on her head and she found herself in a long lace veil, making her so much more innocent than she wanted. She wasn't a virgin anymore, so what was the point of having a white dress. Rukia looked down and gripped the silky material between her fingers, a glitter caught her eye and she found herself staring at that little gem on her finger. Looking up at the mirror, she watched as her face frowned at the dress and the veil and just the whole concept of it. Her shoulders slumped at that comment. How could she be so pessimistic, every girl in her right mind would be crying in shear joy. She dreaded it, more so than she thought.

"Kuchiki-san! You look so beautiful" a voice squeaked out with lots of energy, her feminine voice carrying around the whole shop to make shoppers stop and stare at her, but the girl didn't seem to frown at that thought and circled Rukia like a hyper little girl, saying how every single thing she wore made her look like a real princess.

Rukia frowned even more at that. She hated the dress, she hated the veil, she hated that she had to do this. Oohs and Aahs were brought to her ear and she watched as Renji's mother and grandmother smiled in happiness at the dress, completely ignoring her sour mood.

She had gotten herself dragged out of her home and thrown into dozens of wedding gown shops. All of the dresses seemed so out there. Too much sparkles or too much puff. It wasn't her at all and hated it even more because it looked so prom dressy. She didn't want to look like a princess, because she obviously didn't feel like that at the moment at all. Unless the princess was brought into a forced marriage but Rukia couldn't say that.

She had consented to it and therefore it wasn't forced, but a marriage without love was never good. If she wanted she could just tell Renji that the marriage was off and that she just couldn't marry him, but she couldn't do it, not only because it would break his heart but she just couldn't afford to loose her shoulder to lean on. She needed him.

Stepping down she let herself into the dressing room and came back out with her casual clothes back on.

Frowning at her empty hands, Renji's mom groaned in expiration and left the store with her mother in tow for some tea. Scowling at their mood, she began to really look around.

Many of the gowns were puffy and ended at the ankle, but she found that idea very ugly. She wanted to look beautiful no matter how much she wanted or didn't want to get married, and she definitely wasn't going to look pretty if she was dressed in a gown that made her look like a fattened cupcake.

Scanning every isle, she found herself becoming attached to an off white gown that hung off the shoulders and cascaded down to the flour like creamy milk. There were no nonsense of flowers on it but a silky design that enhanced her boson without making her look as if she was stuffing. Grabbing it, she walked into the fitting room already knowing somehow that she was going to love it.

Stepping onto the platform, she was surprised to find that she looked pretty in it. More so than she felt. Her pale skin seemed to lighten the dress and give off a very nice cream color. Turning around, she watched as the back was cut deep and showed her entire lower back and gave a reasonable plump to her flat butt. Smiling, she twirled around and let the feeling of the soft texture rub along her body. This was the dress that she wanted to get married in. No tiaras, no veils and the fact that it wasn't white made her feel much better than lying that she was completely pure.

Brushing her bangs to the side she wondered what it would be like to be carried by Ichigo. SMACK. Rukia rubbed her sore cheek and sighed at herself. Good god now I'm hurting myself to forget about him she thought warily. Smoothing down the dress, she turned around to ask Orihime if she thought the dress made her look funny but stopped midsentence.

The door opened with a quick beep and Rukia watched in horror when she realized whom it was.

Quickly turning around, she hoped he didn't see, but obviously he had with the help of Orihime. "Kurasaki-san!" Orihime screamed running up to give him a bright smile and a quick hug oblivious to the fact that he was not listening to her at all. Her adulation towards him making her partly jealous but she shook it away.

* * *

He knew it was a very bad idea to come but he had to tell her what happened. It didn't even matter now that he knew she was going to get married, because he wanted to be selfish and have her all to himself. It even didn't matter the fact that she never picked up her cell or returned his calls and had went even further to move into Renji's mothers house to stay away from him if he ever decided to come by.

Sneaking a glance to the three-way mirror, she watched as he watched her. Kami she thought. How could he still be so beautiful? So handsomely beautiful that stole the breath out of mouth. After knowing him for the thirteen years of her life, didn't stop the obsession of looking at him. After all that hurt and darkness, he was still her prince, her savior no matter what had happened. And despite her efforts to tell her mind otherwise she still had butterflies whenever he was around that had nothing to do with coincidence.

"You look beautiful" His voice held a husky tone that made her shiver, but she couldn't let that show. Looking at herself again she couldn't help but believe him. But that wouldn't change the matter at hand. Even though her mind wandered back when they were at the park and he whispered to her that she was his.

Trying to sound brave, she pretended it didn't matter to her that he was here after she had gone through so much trouble to get away from the beautiful disaster he formed for them. Indifference towards him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, but her voice betrayed her. Instead of indifference, it sounded like a lost little girl without her parents. At her voice Orihime seemed to find the atmosphere full of tension and ran out the door with an excuse to buy pastries for Kurasaki-san. The ringing bell ringing loud and strong in a silent brides shop. She wondered where the other customers went.

He looked squeamish. She'd never seen him like that. Ichigo who had so much energy and an intimidating aura that followed him like a second skin. He looked nervous, very much in fact. Without even thinking about she smiled in her mind. She did that to him. She made him nervous, and even though she knew she should not be even thinking about it, she wanted him to tell her, she wanted to know.

"I'm…Kami this is harder than I thought. I just. ….I wanted to tell you that- I'm sorry". It all came out in juggled words despite its jagged rhythm but she heard him, understood him the way others couldn't.

He scratched his head and kept looking at his shoes as if they were made out of gold, she knew this even though she never turned around to look at him; she could see him reflecting through the mirror.

But what he had said brought on a fury she did not know she held. Her heart quenched, and tore apart in little pieces. And it burned, burned to know that he regretted what she loved most. How could he say that to her. Say those words that were meant to bring comfort but all it brought was a regret he couldn't hold in. How could he tell her sorry for what happened five years ago? Wasn't it as beautiful and heart stopping as it was for her? Was he sorry that he had played her like a little kitty to a ball of yarn? Kami she thought, how he could he be this beautiful disaster, bringing on disaster after disaster to her.

Turning around she found her vision blinded by the torrid of tears falling down her face. Her hair whipping her face. Swiping the tears away she soon found out that with no ado that it was just replaced by more and more tears that began to fall down her cheek.

"Sorry?" She asked him, her hair falling around her face. "Sorry that you had to tell me that you didn't mean to hurt me and that it was all a game to you." She said after a long pause. Looking up at him, she knew she looked hallow because when he looked at her, his face was struck up in shock and horror about what she had said.

She looked at him now. Really looked at him and found that despite him being beautiful to her, he looked hell of a mess. His hair seemed more tussled than ever and the endless dark bags under his eyes proved the endless nights of sleep he had endured. Good she thought, but not really meaning it.

Looking at him in the eyes, she watched as his chocolate brown eyes swirled around with molten red. Fiery eyes for a passionate boy she thought before continuing. "Are you sorry for making love to me that night a-….

Before she could even finish that sentence she found herself crushed into his strong lean arms and despite being totally corny and cliché she found that she felt like his arms around her were what she was missing for so long.

"Ichigo..." She started but he shut her up, his head buried into her neck breathing small puffs that made her shiver. "Don't," He said.

"Don't even say that. Is that what you think I'm saying sorry for, because if you are than your more of a baka than I thought" He said with a teasing note and though in this position she shouldn't have done it but she had and smiled against her head. Even at times like this could he make her into a pile of happy goo.

"I am sorry though," He continued " But not for the things you're thinking about now."

He pulled away but only an arms length. His torturous rugged arms held her tightly at her waist and ran up and down her spine. All power and raw emotion. She couldn't even think straight even though she knew this conversation could change her life forever.

His eyes held so much genuine sadness and truth that she began to believe him.

"I'm sorry I left you that day five years ago"

He stared at her in shock and she wondered why until she felt it roll off her cheek. One single tear. Pulling his hand from waist he brushed it away, she hoped he didn't know by the look on her face that she just wanted to lean into his touch and forget about everything that happened.

"Dammit" He cursed at the floor. "How come I always seem to make you cry, god maybe Renji was right"? He looked away form her in thought and she desperately wanted to tell him NO. Don't listen to Renji. But she didn't and she hated the fact that she didn't.

Cupping his cheek, she wondered how it could be soft, but hard at the same time, and look urgently into his eyes. "Tell me" She begged and she knew this side of her surprised him. She never begged for anything and the fact that she begged meant that she was letting herself be vulnerable to him once again.

The silence was unbearable. The horrible image of Ichigo taunting her came up in her mind and she swore to god that it wasn't real. After a long period of time, he spoke. His voice a weak one that she never heard since he was young and for the same reason. There were only two women in his life that could do this to him.

"I found my mom," He whispered sadly and although he stood there with no emotions crossing his face, Rukia knew that he was hurting, his shoulders began to shake and she knew that he was forcing himself to stay strong for his family, but she couldn't do anything but stand there in shock. _Ichigo… found his mother?_

* * *

Ok readers I bet you didn't see that one coming! Haha. And I am very sorry for not updating this chapter because I very much couldn't find a way to all make it add up together, but there it was staring straight back at me. The next chap won't be coming in for a while so don't get your hopes up too much. The next chap will be all about get it all together and finding all about Ichigo's mom. For now JA NE! Your truly-Joanna

* * *


	8. Waiting for Forever

* * *

Chapter eight: Waiting for Forever

* * *

_Ichigo's mother was in Kyoto?_

Memories of Ichigo and his mother playing together quickly went down the drain, when she had her first encounter with drugs. Silly wasn't it? For a mother to drive away everything she had memories, laughs and smiles for her sniff of euphoria, but she had. She did it so many times that no one could help her. She was already gone, the smiling mother no longer formed in the eyes of her children and instead was left with a sniveling and tasteless woman who constantly pestered Ichigo and his sisters for money and when they did not, throw tantrums like a demented, and soulless woman. She stole money, lied countless times and eventually ran out on a family that needed her the most.

Ichigo was ten, but that day Ichigo grew into a man through the pressures of life. He soon took a job as a bus boy to help pay off the mountainous debt their mother had left behind and nurture and help his father back to good health when he could no longer deal with the loss and total destruction of the woman he loved.

For seven years the Kurosaki family adapted to the loss of their mother, but hoped everyday that a phone call from their mother would come and dreamed that their good deeds would some day bring their mother back and not the woman she left behind. But after years of their missing piece, the cracks in their already small pieces of hope began to crumble until it shattered completely into small particles of dust in the wind

"Yeah –she called…I think she was high but I couldn't tell, some fucking guy took the phone from her and in the background all I could hear was her hysterical cry. She….she was so different from what dad had always told me about her." Ichigo trailed off turning his eyes away from her. Rukia nodded and offered a small smile before he started again.

"The guy told me to tell my father that she was still alive and that in order to get her back we had to pay all the money she spent burning up on drugs since the last seven years she was gone."

Rukia opened her mouth and closed it quickly, not able to find words of assurances she could give to him. What could she say to him, that was so close to his heart, and what a fool she was for getting so prissy for their love fiasco. It made her feel guilty and upset for making her wait and at her for letting her mind trick her into thinking of stupid and insecure scenarios. And what made her absolutely selfish was forcing him to relive the blackest day of his life

"Ichigo you don't have to tell me I –, but Ichigo had stopped any words from coming out of her mouth with his gaze.

Shiny passionate eyes of gold and brown meshed in a perfect color that had Rukia startled and stricken.

"No, I want to tell you this. I need to tell you this," He whispered to her softly.

"What happened next?"

"When my dad came home, I told him what that guy said to me on the phone and he sat there, quiet and that same god danm look in his face that scared me. When he finally spoke again, I knew right then that he wasn't my father anymore. He was the man that seemed to be in his own world, drifting away to another place that couldn't hurt him".

"We were leaving, packing up everything we had, not knowing when we would or ever come back."

He turned to her again. Looking at her almost desperately and her heart cried wanting to hold onto him and tell him that everything was going to be okay but she couldn't, her pride to stubborn.

"And then I saw you, running towards me like a rabbit, jumping up and down excitedly, and I knew right then and there that this was the girl." He told her genuinely, taking her hand and covering it with his to run against his cheek.

For a moment he stayed like this, his eyes closed, peaceful and soft and when he opened those eyes again Rukia gasped.

_Adoration. Love. Forever. _

These were the only words she could hear running through her already hyper-vented mind.

"This was the girl that I loved. The only one I wanted to return to. The only one. _**I love you**_."

Tears began to fall down her already sore cheeks but Rukia could not hold it in any longer. A sob erupted from her mouth and she tried wiping her already dripping tears away.

A warm comforting arm wrapped around her waist and pulled against a strong loving embrace. Ichigo rubbed soothing circles on her back, whispering endearments and comforting words that made her only cry out more for him.

Rukia clutched onto his back and sobbed, clutching at his back and feeling his warmth and scent wash over in a tidal pool of sensual healing.

"I'm here Rukia, it's okay I'm here." Ichigo whispered into her ear and shivered at the intensity of his words.

But Rukia only shoved her head between his neck and shook her head violently. "Then why didn't you tell me?" She asked him through choke sobs. "You left and didn't even bother to tell me you were leaving…after we…after you told me that you loved me. You lied to me". She told him loudly, her clenched fists were now hitting him softly against his chest and he made no move to stop her, just pulling her closer and whispering sweet comforting words again.

"You lied to me" She repeated again softly until and her hands no longer beat on his chest but now clenched it. "You lie" She trailed off.

Ichigo did not speak or deny what she said but instead kept rubbing her back until she was no longer crying at all, but a tired and broken girl, too tired to move or speak another word.

After moments of silence, Ichigo spoke again. "After I saw you that day, I knew I had to have you. I knew that I had to act soon before I had to go so I did the only thing I could think of that could prove to you how much I love you –but I was selfish. I didn't want you to love anyone the way you loved me that night. I was afraid you would forget about me and when I would come back, find out that you had already fallen in love again with some bouzou that wasn't me."

"I wanted to keep you all for myself and love you with all that I could give you but I couldn't –not then, but I could now. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I'm sorry that I left you that night without a good bye. I couldn't tell you that my mom was a crack addict or tell you how we had to go and save my mother from a drug dealer that used my mother to get to me father. I couldn't say good bye to you and ask you to wait for me when I didn't know how long I would be"

He stood up, embracing her tightly and telling her fiercely with words that made Rukia shiver in its wake.

"I love you, much more than you think. I love _you_ Rukia." He whispered into her ear softly, caressing her ear with the tip of his lips.

He trailed his lips up her neck and to her cheek until he stopped. "I love you, only you." He told her again.

Then he did something that surprised her, he pushed her out of his arms and turned to her, his fist clenched white and his head bent down in surrender. The soft waves of his bright hair shielding his usually molten brown eyes.

Rukia already missed the warmth and scent of his body.

"I love you so much…that I'm letting you go to the man that you love."

Rukia could only stare at him, shocked that he would say something so stupidly horrible or cry out in agony, as she watched his tall figure begin to leave the store, but before he did, he turned his head, just a little and smiled at her solemnly.

"I want you to be happy Rukia. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you, forever if it takes that long" He tried to say teasingly but the sharp color of his eyes said otherwise. He was fighting, fighting to let her go. And with a final smile, he turned again and walked right out of her life.

The sound of the door tinkling was heard and then silent once more.

Seconds past by as Rukia stared dully at the exact place Ichigo had left. _Ichigo. _A few more seconds past by more, Rukia ran out the door, the sound of her departure tinkling as the bells rang against the door.

* * *

_Yay! I finally updated! Do you love me or do you love me? HEHE! Anyway this is not he end so don't cry for it to end. There is an epilogue waiting to be written so be waiting for it to be done. Thanks to all those people who actually read my story! And those lovely readers who reviewed! I love you guys the most! -Joanna_


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