text: The sun was not shining, it was too wet to play, so I went to the movies, that cold, cold, wet date day.<br /><br />"The Cat in the Hat" was the name of the flick, and when it was over, my stomach was sick.<br /><br />Mike Myers played the Cat, his humor was lame, and kids needn't see this, the humor was not tame.<br /><br />the film was like drinking milk, from a rabid cow, so it IS fun to have fun, yet the filmmakers didn't know how.<br /><br />This film, in short is atrocious. The acting was bad, the plot was tweaked too much, and the humor was surprisingly very crude.<br /><br />It starts with Conrad and Sally, A rule breaker and a future sheriff. When their Mother has to go to work, she gets Mrs. Kwan to babysit. Possibly the lone funny part in the movie is when Mrs. Kwan is watching a Taiwanese court room, a `la C-SPAN. She soon falls asleep, and here comes the Cat.<br /><br />The film starts to spiral out of control. The Cat came to try to let the kids have some fun. He's got Thing 1 and Thing 2, Who suddenly start trashing the house. He improvises a TV Infomercial, and accidentally slices his tail off. And when the Cat goes full Carmen Miranda, it's not funny. Possibly his only funny disguise is as a hippie activist. And there's a fish who tries warning the kids about the Cat.<br /><br />Too bad he didn't warn us this film was as much fun as sour milk, or chopping your tail off.<br /><br />Soon the kids are outside looking for the family dog, who has the key to a crate on his collar. If the crate is not locked soon, their house will be home to the Cat's universe. Here it gets a little more interesting, but not enough to save the film.<br /><br />The acting, overall, is horrible. Mike Meyers brings his brand of irreverent Austin Powers humor to the Cat, Saying things like "You dirty ho" and imagining himself as a woman for the rest of his life after a whack in the testicles while posing as a pinata. Spencer Breslin is great as the trouble-making Conrad, and Dakota Fanning is cute as Sally, though they alone are not enough to save this horrendous Aortic Dissection waiting to kill John Ritter(accident waiting to happen). Alec Baldwin's slick and slimey Lawrence Quinn is disgusting, ever trying to woo the kids mom, who is played by Kelly Preston. And Sean Hayes is Mr. Humberfloob, Mom's boss, and is also the voice of the fish. The latter three are also bland.<br /><br />Overall, if I were a parent I would not take my kids who are into potty humor, cause there's plenty of it and more. Save your $7.00 and see something else. As the late great Dr. Seuss once said,<br /><br />It is fun to have fun, But you have to know how. Really, Universal, stop! Theodore's already turning over in his grave.<br /><br />Like my Mom always says, "Curiousity killed the Cat".- The Cat In The Hat * out of *****