text: Ok, if you like yer monster moovies sullen, stiff, starchy, and thunderously dull, but with lots of throttling, then head right for "Lady Frankenstein", a stagy, costumy Italian corpse-walker. Joseph Cotten("Citizen Kane")plays the crusty old Baron himself, and must have really needed to make that condo payment. Sexy Sarah Bay, who has played in cow-ntless European B-films, usually as Rosabla Neri, including "Hercules Against the Moon Men", plays his ambitious daughter, a surgeon in a ruffled prom dress. Cotten makes an ugly, big-headed monster (cud it really be that much effort to make a nice one??), who immediately throttles Cotten(who took his royalty check & ran), and wanders around throttling everyone in sight. Tania(Bay) decides to switch the brain of her lover(who is old and wrinkly) with the brain of a younger man (who is "beautiful", but stooopid), in order to make ANOTHER monster to throttle the first monster Cotten made, who is wandering around throttling people. Well, after much exposition, and some throttling, the 2 monsters throttle each other for a bit, Tania stabs the first monster in the back, and then has sex in the flaming ruins of her mansion with the second monster - only to have him throttle her! Doh! There is so much throttling going on that you almoost overlook the fact that the film is about as exciting as a dead carp, and mooves just as quickly. The Alpha Video version I saw for this review was heavily edited, and one wonders cow much nekkid people were chopped out, not that it would have improved the film much. Director von Theurmer previously helmed a variety of grade Z Euro-trash, including "Jungle Warriors", "Island of the Dead"(as Mel Wells), and "The Crucified Girls of San Ramon". The MooCow says avoid this corpse of a film, and find something that mooves at moore of a full...throttle. <br /><br />;=8)