text: I'm sick and tired of people complaining that Never Say Never Again is just a weak remake of Thunderball. Yes, that movie's influence is unmistakable, but the tremendous and almost universal inferiority of re-made films is reserved for such thoughtless and unintelligent films like the 1998 re-make of Psycho. While it's true that the opening theme of the twelfth (and Connery's last) Bond film is one of the worst of the entire series, the film itself still manages to stand on its own, despite many other weaknesses. Besides that, even the weak title song is made to blend pretty nicely with the closing dialogue in the film.<br /><br />Sure, Sean Connery was getting a little on in age when this movie was filmed (at least by James Bond standards), but there is plenty of evidence in the narrative that makes it clear that this was not exactly unknown to the filmmakers. James Bond is near retirement before he is handed his assignment, having spent most of recent time teaching, not doing, and there is even the tongue in cheek insistence from M that he pay more attention to his health, dieting and training and getting more exercise and whatnot. Besides, this is James Bond, remember? This guy is supposed to be some kind of super human, and all of his fans are getting all upset because he's got some gray hairs. When this guy retires at the end of the film, M sends poor `Small-Fawcett' (in a hilarious cameo from Rowan Atkinson) to tell Bond that without him, he worries about the safety of the free world, and all of you people can't get over the fact that he's not a sprightly young man anymore. Come on, Sean Connery could STILL play James Bond just as good as he ever could, or at least better than anyone else ever has been able to.<br /><br />The majority of the film deals with the elaborate plan to steal nuclear missiles and hold the world hostage (as Dr. Evil would say, `Oh hell, let's just do what we always do'), so there's clearly not much new there, but this is one of the Bond films that had the better one liners. There's the amusing scene where Bond is asked for a urine sample  `If you could just fill this beaker for me' `From here?' There are a lot of good one-liners, but the sexual innuendos aimed at Mr. Bond are especially prevalent in this installment. But then later he happens to throw that very urine sample into a villain's face, making him scream as if his face were burning off. Not a very good attempt at comic relief, especially since this guy had been kicking Bond's ass with some sort of super-spring device that could cut through pretty much anything. And of course, Kim Basinger stars in this film as one of the best Bond girls of the entire series.<br /><br />It's no secret that Never Say Never Again has dated badly, and one of the things that has dated the worst is the special effects  with the one exception of the flying missiles, which were obviously fake but still impressive for 1982. The colored contact lens at the beginning of the film was totally without effect, and the laser watch was one of the worst things in the entire movie, second only to those damn sharks. Evidently, Fatima Blush put some sort of device on his scuba tank that attracted sharks (granted, they did have weird guiding mechanisms of their own), in a scene that more than likely inspired the classic line, `I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with FRICKIN' laser beams attached to their heads!' And then, of course, there is the exploding hotel room scene which was redone in an episode of The Simpsons, and which was obviously followed by another obligatory and overly casual one-liner from James.<br /><br />The domination video game created by Largo, the film's villain, is an especially memorable scene, and the film also boasts what is probably the best motorcycle chase in the entire series (far to superior to the laughable one in Tomorrow Never Dies). But despite many strengths, the film's weaknesses are left clearer in the audience's mind at the end of the film due in large part to the anticlimactic underwater conclusion (one of the more obvious parts borrowed from Thunderball, and inferiorly recreated). Never mind the fact that Largo revealed some crucial information to Bond as he left him in the tower alive (Dr. Evil's brilliance, once again, `I'll just leave him there without actually witnessing his death and just assume everything went to plan. What?'), the climax of what is expected to be a fast-paced action film should never take place in a muted underwater atmosphere. <br /><br />All in all, Never Say Never Again ranks very highly on the James Bond scale, and Connery's wink at the end of the film (as well as the two closing lines) suggested at the time that he may still return for another turn as Bond. Clearly, this is no longer very likely, so we can only hope.