Title: &quot;75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12&quot;<p>I was one of those ppl that made the decision of not having kids. I am a 40 yr old man now. This was the single worst decision I&#x27;ve ever made in my whole life. My spouse is 39 so the window has closed for biological children, more or less.<p>My life is now dominated by regret every day. I just can&#x27;t get over that feeling. I&#x27;ve tried many things like therapy, counseling ect. It only helps for a little bit but I am still doing therapy. Some nights I wake up with panic and stay up all night with shallow breathing and high heart rate.<p>I used to LOVE working and all things tech, now just make do and do bare minimum to not get fired. I &#x27;ve gotten few promotions here and there but nowhere near my potential of where my career could&#x27;ve been. Everything is just secondary, nothing is interesting.<p>I am constantly triggered by families and young kids. Even reading that post sent my heart rate soaring (apple watch) with anxiety . I just don&#x27;t know what to do, its too unbearable. I fantasize about things like getting cancer and that seems to calm me down a little bit. Sometimes I fantasize about leaving my spouse, who I love to death, find someone who I can have a child with.
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