Title: I know the best of my life is behind me, but I need help salvaging what&#x27;s left of it. I&#x27;ve been meaning to ask for help for a couple of years now, but only now got around to it after being scared by my first real suicidal ideation a few nights ago. HN is probably not a suitable platform for this, but &#x2F;r&#x2F;advice seems to be not very active and I can&#x27;t post on &#x2F;adv&#x2F; due to some IP range ban. There are no mental health facilities in the small town where I live. I let my professional network decay and die, and there is literally nowhere else I can get any kind of useful, actionable advice.<p>I&#x27;m a 43-years-old single guy, NEET for the past decade. I got my Master&#x27;s in the US in the late 2000s and was gainfully employed there for a few years (NOT in my field of education; long story) until I had to return to my home country to take care of my ailing father. He passed on within a year of my return, leaving my family with a financial mess, and his death took a lot out of me. I still obviously miss him, but in wallowing in depression and self-pity, I let the prime of my life pass me by.<p>As I stand, I have no current skills related to either my education (MEng) or my previous work experience (BI Reporting&#x2F;Analytics). I don&#x27;t have ideas&#x2F;skills&#x2F;network for entrepreneurship.<p>I had all the desires of a regular guy: a wife, kids, a house, meaningful work, etc. I mean I still do, but I guess I&#x27;m too late for the first few. Every night I promise myself to do&#x2F;be better tomorrow and somehow get myself to sleep. I was once looked up to, now I&#x27;m a pity case and an example case of how not to throw one&#x27;s life away.<p>With every passing day, I am becoming more bitter, angry and disillusioned. I don&#x27;t want to live like this anymore, but I don&#x27;t know how to even _start_ thinking of ways to get myself out of this hole.<p>Ideally, I would prefer to go back to the US; not only for the dollars (they&#x27;re nice), but also because I actually was happy there. I&#x27;d do all the things that I didn&#x27;t do enough of because I was focused on saving money and because I thought that there would always be time for them when I was more stable&#x2F;settled.<p>The good: No diseases AFAIK, no vices at all other than severe procrastination and a masterful ability to lie to myself. I have ~US$25k-equivalent in salary savings from a decade ago.<p>Sorry if the above text is rambling and not very cohesive. I&#x27;ve probably also skipped over some useful information I should have provided. Please do ask. I&#x27;ll take some time reflecting on your replies and then respond. Thank you.
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