Title: I am court ordered to pay for my children&#x27;s livelihood, and I can&#x27;t live with them, so I need to pay for my own livelihood. I also owe about $10k in taxes from two years ago, and $10k on my car that just got repo&#x27;d, I haven&#x27;t paid December&#x27;s rent and don&#x27;t have any money for January&#x27;s, I have $150 to my name.
I got fired from my last client on the last day of November. I&#x27;ve worked with him since around 2019. I applied for regular jobs in 2017 and 2018, and was offered many jobs including one by Goldman Sacchs for quarter million a year, but their offer and every other one was retracted because of my criminal background.<p>In particular, 7 years ago and 12 years ago, I flashed teenagers. That&#x27;s the crime. I was told it&#x27;d be easier to find a job if I had murdered someone, because nobody understands the mental illness that causes flashing, which I don&#x27;t have anymore and haven&#x27;t for years. But my name is part of google search now, the entire first page, so I can&#x27;t escape it.<p>I don&#x27;t know where to find clients who would be willing to work with me. And I&#x27;m on a time crunch. I am legally required to pay $3k&#x2F;month for my wife and children&#x27;s livelihood, and have no money to pay a lawyer to get that overturned, and when I presented my case to the judge he already said no, I will have to pay this or be found guilty of contempt. I also owe about $1k&#x2F;month in back taxes and other debts. Not to mention needing to afford a lawyer (guessing $1k&#x2F;month), and rent ($1k) and food ($200) for myself per month. That puts me at $5200&#x2F;month.<p>So I figure I need to make about $40&#x2F;hour, which sounds like a lot but remember Goldman offered me $125&#x2F;hour which testifies to my skill even if they retracted it for other reasons. And I got many similar offers for anywhere from $50-$100&#x2F;hour from other companies out here.<p>I&#x27;m absolutely out of ideas. I have very very little time left to get a job before I&#x27;ll probably be homeless. This is creating decision paralysis. I also have very little idea how to navigate job applications lately. I get no hits on upwork, and I can&#x27;t work in government&#x2F;financial&#x2F;medical jobs because of my criminal record. And I can&#x27;t find any subreddits where I can offer my services as a software consultant.<p>I have basically no advertising or marketing skills at all. I&#x27;ve made some software that I think is legitimately innovative and asked for GH sponsors for it, and posted regularly on HN to tell people about it, and it gets no attention at all, not a single upvote ever. And I imagine reddit would be even harder to get noticed on.<p>I&#x27;m okay with dying, I actually kind of prefer it, so if this doesn&#x27;t work out, then that&#x27;s it, and I&#x27;m done, and I&#x27;ve done my best. But my children need me to provide for them, and I will do everything I can to provide for them. That&#x27;s my only purpose in life, and if I fail at that, then I&#x27;ll be glad to go to sleep.<p>---<p>3 clarifications:<p>I would rather die than not provide for my children. My one and only purpose in life is to be their father. So I will provide for them or die trying.<p>I have the skills for $150&#x2F;hour, so I&#x27;m sure someone out there is willing to get it at the bargain price of $50&#x2F;hour. I just need to find them somehow.<p>And I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of life, and would be relieved to finally be done living in a lose-lose situation, whether by success or failure.
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