Cat's Guide to Caring for your Human. - Tuesday, September 02,
2003 CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy
immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to
lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.
COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language.
Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly,
and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any
attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by
simply ignoring it until it stops. FEEDING: Morning feeding
should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably
three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off.
Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its
face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair. MATING: Human
mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to
get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and
resort to shoe-throwing behavior. TOILET TRAINING: A human's
natural tendency is to not chan