Parenting for the Perplexed: A long way from ‘say thank you’ to
true gratitudeby rachel biale |Follow j. on||and| Thanksgiving’s
coming, and we wonder how to teach our daughter to be genuinely
thankful and appreciative, not just say what she knows we want
to hear. We often debate with ourselves whether the typical
“What’s the magic word?” really teaches anything more than
parroting. T.D. in Tiburon Dear T.D.: Thank you for the
opportunity to reflect on two interrelated issues here: teaching
children proper manners, and inculcating genuine gratitude.
Let’s address them in order. I am not a fan of the common,
cutesy prompt, “What’s the magic word?” But I do support what
stands behind it: the idea that you have to teach children
manners and respect. I don’t think politeness is something that
flows naturally out of children’s hearts and mouths. Of course,
the primary mode for teaching manners is modeling. But explicit
instructions are valuable as well. Rather than “What’s the magic
word?” simply say: “How do you