The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which
seem to have stolen countless features from one another)
sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're
currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to
help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas. C: You
shoot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen
instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing
emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell
which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others
and saying, "That's me, over there." FORTRAN: You shoot yourself
in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you
read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you
continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish
anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HAN