• Assess your child’s risk. A youngster who is generally doing
well in life — happy, well adjusted, engaged with the family —
generally poses less risk for potential problems than one with a
family history of drug or alcohol abuse, depression or in the
midst of a family crisis. If your son falls in the high risk
category, I would urge you to get outside professional help to
nip any serious problems in the bud. • Be cautious about
punishments. If there is no history of addiction in your family
tree and you are certain that your son is generally doing well
socially, emotionally and academically, focus on keeping the
lines of communication open. If your teen is afraid of your
reaction, it is unlikely that he will continue to confide in
you. Punishing him may simply encourage him to become better at
hiding any future use from you. • Strengthen connection. When we
feel seen, understood and cherished by someone, it is much
harder to keep secrets from them. Teens often give us signals
that suggest they aren’t intere