That robot we sent to Mars is sending back some very interesting
information, primarily on the agricultural fronts. We all know
about the shortage of good soil in which to grow asparagus on
Earth – Victoria’s recent good fortune is due to the favourable
soil conditions in which to grow this rare and highly sought-
after vegetable. All that will be coming to an end soon, as the
Mars Robot has discovered soil on Mars that is capable of
supporting asparagus cultivation and harvesting. Sam Kounaves,
the lead investigator for the wet chemistry laboratory on
Phoenix, explained that “it is the type of soil you would
probably have in your back yard, you know, alkaline. You might
be able to grow asparagus in it really well. ... It is very
exciting for us.” No more asparagus shortages on Earth! All hail
the Mars Robot, discoverer of an entire planet suitable for
growing asparagus! The “red planet” shall henceforth be known as
the “green planet”. Onwards! [Edit: Image courtesy of Michael
Wood, esq.]