John's Toolbox: Rather than giving a child a time out, the adult
gives the child a time in by bringing the child closer to them
for a period of time. Time out is a behavioral strategy based on
a belief that kids act out for attention. Time in is a
relational strategy based on fulfilling a biological imperative
and is based on the belief that kids act out because they need
attention. When a child is acting out, she has gone through her
window of tolerance; therefore she needs an adult presence to
assist bringing her back into regulation. When a child has
shifted into survival brain, we have to remain regulated and
provide the brain pathway that is currently being subconsciously
blocked in the child. Use of time outs replicates rejection,
which is why attachment resistant children isolate themselves
from others. The child’s internal working model of self as
unlovable should not be reinforced. When traumatized children
are talked to harshly, left alone too much, or try to process
things that are above their unde