Why Tantrums Happen Tantrums are part of toddlerhood, usually
beginning any time after 12 months. As your toddler develops her
inner life of thoughts, emotions, and desires, she'll often be
faced with stronger feelings than she has skills to cope
with—a.k.a. tantrums. These fits are no doubt a negative
experience for you, but tantrums help children learn how to cope
and self-soothe, and you needn't try to avoid them. Even if your
words or actions seem to spark a tantrum, it's a child's inner
struggle that causes a tantrum. Thus, well … there's not much
you can do. Feelings of frustration can be some of the most
intense for a young child. "Toddlers are so overcome by
everything working against them. They just fall apart," says
Gretchen Kinnell, Education Director of Child Care Solutions in
Syracuse, NY. This kind of tantrum lets you know that your kid
is really upset or confused—a realization that can make it much
less upsetting for you. The other kind of tantrum, what Kinnell
calls an "instrumental tantrum,"