The king of England in the latter half of the Tenth Century,
Æthelred the Deuce, (known to history as "Ethelred the
Unready",) was getting pretty tired of Viking raids all up and
down the English coast. He was especially annoyed at reports
that the raiders were being given aid and comfort by the
undocumented Danish aliens who had been settling in the eastern
half of the country. Therefore he launched a cunning plan: In
order to cut down on the amount of assistance they could give
the seagoing freelance tax men, he would have all the Dane
settlers in England put to death. Every man jack of them. Every
woman jack and child jack, too. The massacres were carried out
on St. Brice's Day, November 13th of 1002AD. Unfortunately for
Æthelred, one of the woman jacks he had killed had a brother,
and her brother was currently working as a king in Denmark,
going by the rather butch handle of "Sweyn Forkbeard". Sweyn
saddled up his posse and after the requisite amount of burning
and pillaging and bribing and betraying, Æth