OVERSQUEEZYITIS > noun : a dreadful affliction of the great
highland bagpipe reed caused by relentlessly pinching,
clutching, flattening or otherwise squeezing the crap out of the
reed. DIRIVITIVE > noun - oversqueezerer; someone who causes
oversqueezyitis PHRASES > that reed is suffering from
oversqueezyitis ORIGIN > from old English ofersquise; from
obsolete huperqueise, of unknown origin CURE > A masterful
wiggling with the magical mandrel while chanting
‘piobaireachdadididdimus’ On my travels I am often presented
with reeds the owners claim are ‘blown out’, ‘too weak’ or
‘sharper than a witches tongue’. A thorough inspection of the
reed will most often bring a diagnosis of oversqueezyitis. ‘Do
not dispare oversqueezerer.’ I declare ‘For I am equipped with
the majestic mandrel and have mastered the magical incantation
which will rid your reed of this dreadful affliction.’ Like
excallaber rising from the lake the majestic mandrel is pulled
from my pocket. Nimble fingers insert the tool in the staple. A
smoo