The Discipline Debate Many parents today feel obliged to control
their children's behavior through punishment. Some even express
worry that if their children do not fear them, the youngsters
may not grow up to become law-abiding citizens. Discipline, in
their minds, implies instilling fear. It often refers to
punitive practices such as taking away possessions or
privileges, time-outs, and spanking, not to mention yelling and
threatening — in fact, "losing it" to make a point and to
maintain control. But all these assumptions are either
exaggerated or flat-out wrong. Of course, living with limits and
respecting rules is essential to long-range life success, and
kids actually feel better knowing that their parents will help
them to manage strong, unwelcome impulses which they are still
too young to control on their own. But there is no need to
instill fear. Virtually all small children already fear the loss
of their parents' love and approval. They know they are just
learning what pleases and displeases their e