text: Today the world was blanketed in snow. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go. But when those plow trucks pushed the snow out of my parking spot, I decided to make a quick run to Shop n Stop. There was a lot of things up on the shelves. Breads and fruits and Keebler elves. I was so hungry, my stomach let out a big bellow, when one of the workers let out a lackluster "hello". My heart sank deeply into my mottled chest. This cashier did not look very happy to see me. I was 42, with a short blond bob haircut and wearing a pair of Lululemons I borrowed from my daughter. My booty was perfectly sculpted, and my teeth perfectly structured because my husband is a dentist. Anyone would be happy to see me. I am a housewife, one of the most prestigious of all careers. While this little asshole put groceries in bags. It is time. I will Karen the little asshole, and he will regret not celebrating my arrival by offering me his internal organs as a bakery sample. "Where's your manager?" I demanded. "Huh?" said the Little Asshole. "Get your manager, the floors are not shiny enough. I cannot shop here if the floor isn't shiny." "Uh okay." he said. His neck was small and slender, and I wanted to wrap my hidden tentacles around it and play it like a flute. It was my God given right as a Karen. "Yes, may I help you?" said the manager. She was small, like an egg from a platypus ass. Her hair was red, and according to cliché, this meant that she had an attitude as fiery as her locks. "Your employee threw my baby down the cereal aisle and I cannot find it. I need my baby because I get more money if I file my taxes with a dependent. I cannot buy groceries if my baby is stuck in a cereal box." "Aaron? Why did you do that? We cannot have babies in our cereal boxes because our profit margin will suck and Corporate will make us sell our organs to maintain our minimum wage jobs!" The manager said. I liked her. She agreed with me. "You can't be serious?" the Little Asshole said. So all three of us set out to find my baby in the cereal aisle, even though there was no baby. My thighs sounded like a round of applause down the desolate aisles, and it was then I knew that God, Jesus, Obama, Trump and Biden were with me. I used to see them all of the time when I breastfed my oldest daughter Rebecca, and they gave me advice like "Whoever smelt it dealt it" and "Call JG Wentworth, 877 cash now!" My husband was never brave enough to give me advice, because happy wife, happy life is a fundamental physical property of the universe. But those tall men did. "This is the cereal aisle. I have Instagram on my Iphone, so everyone's nipples will harden when I find this missing child of yours." said the red head. Machiavellian, me likes. The Little Asshole kept sighing and then I wondered who was actually working the store because these two morons were the only ones I saw in here. "Clench your buttocks, lest the dust from the cereal boxes irritate your digestive track. Then, our floors will be REALLY dirty, tee-hee" And so, the three of us walked down the cereal eye ull when suddenly, all of the harsh overhead lights turned off and a voice said "....you are the chosen ones....." To be continued....