text: We need to start eating insects, and I mean right fricken now. There can be no delay. We have the knowledge and technology to be farming house flies instead of cattle and swapping out mutant chickens for earthworms. Insects are proven to be far more nutritionally good for you, it’s really a common fact. No, this isn’t some kind of deranged door to door joke. I’m pleading with you, I’m pleading to the world, I’m pleading on behalf of Mother Nature and for the sake of all mankind. If we lose this existential battle we will ultimately let the viruses win. Do you understand what I’m saying here? Are you reading me? Viruses don’t even have a consciousness. What a shame it would be if we let that happen, what a fricken shame it would be. Honestly, don’t you think? Here’s what I can promise you, right here and now. A real solution to a real problem. Look at me, I’ve been living off a rigorous diet of water and insects for close to fifteen years. No soda pop, no McBeachChicken, no KFC boiled owl, no processed garbage, just my own home grown insects and tap water. Yes, you’re looking at 200lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal. I weigh as much as a full grown kangaroo. This isn’t a beer gut, it’s an insect gut. Or, what my ex-wife liked to call it, her “dippy do.” She said that because my gut hangs out further than my “dippy do”. I didn’t get it either. Anyway, I would also like to say for the record that I am fifty two years old, and I don’t give a flying care about what that woman has to say anymore. But what I do have a real strong care about is using the latest innovations in science to help my farm grow the tastiest insects. I take my insect farming to what some would say a very serious level. My insects, of course, are of a very very high quality. I’m proud to say, I house somewhere around 2 million earthworms and close to a billion common house flies on just under an acre of land. Insect farmers like myself can end human hunger and only if people were not such fricken picky eaters. We could actually end hunger tomorrow. It’s all those foodies you know, they seem to be the ones that mess it all up for us. It’s their false online reviews and magazine articles that are hindering mankind’s transition into the future. They’re all fricken paid by the meat industry, too. Any common John Henry knows that. Geez, the real sad part is that I can guarantee you my insects taste great and despite what all those foodies are paid to say. I can make earthworms and common house flies taste like anything you want. And when I say anything, I mean anything. Say you and your girl, or maybe even your man are feeling like fish and chips tonight? Or say, how about a juicy burger with some greasy onion rings? Or even maybe a steak and baked potato is your fancy? Hell, maybe you’re feeling real crazy and would like breakfast for dinner, or something fricked up like that. You name it, we can make them taste like anything. It’s a miracle of modern science. So, what do you say? Do you feel like saving mankind today? It honestly could not be any easier, my friend. For only one small payment of $19.99 on the 1st and the 15th of each month we can end world hunger together. Insects are our future. Insects for life.