text: The day breaks just as it always does. The cold bite of the morning snaps at my fingers as I drag myself out of bed, eagerly stumbling towards the kitchen. There’s never a bad time for caffeine. Stepping out onto the tile deck above the back yard I bring the first cigarette of the day to my lips and light it, more so out of habit than enjoyment. The acrid smell of tobacco and coffee grounds serve as a dull reminder of the routine to come. I sit in silent contemplation a while longer before polishing off the steaming, bitter drink. I flick the cigarette butt into it’s tray and head back inside to get dressed. Pulling my jeans on unenthusiastically I grab the nearest shirt I see and drag it over myself. Both, as usual, are black. “Gotta stick it to the man somehow.” A reminder that, indeed, it was not a phase. With keys and wallet on my person I get halfway out the front door and suddenly... I stop. I’ve forgotten something. Taking several paces back I force myself to turn and face the stranger staring through the mirror. The stranger in my skin. *You know that it doesn’t work like that Jesse* And with a reluctant sigh, I take my insecurities with me. The added weight of remorse tears through the earth where each footstep lands, gnawing at the cold dew soaked soil outside; what a sad start to the day. And at the end of the street lurked something far more sinister, far more malicious than any internalised emotional issues could ever conjure. *Public transport.* The bus crept it’s way through the winding back roads of Sydney’s outskirts. Rural townships on the brink of urbanisation, with the only thing standing between the two being large expanses of farmland and a rather conservative group of locals. The scenic roads are wasted on me, however, as I marinate in thoughts I wish I’d left in that foggy place we leave our dreams. To be honest I’m not sure whether it was the silence of the engine or the stillness of the bus itself that I noticed first, all I know is that suddenly we had stopped. “For fuck’s sake.” I murmur, for lack of a better exclamation. In fact I find it quite appropriate. The driver, a short bald man with a rather plump physique, was busy fiddling with the controls spread across the dashboard. Seemed to me like he had as much of an idea as to why we stopped as I did. I looked out through the windows at the bush and fields around us and then brought my attention back to the bus. Maybe I should say someth- “Sorry mate! Looks like she’s gone and died on us. I’ll have to make a call out to see if there’s anyone nearby.” “You don’t know how long that’ll be do you man? I’ve got work in half an hour.” I do my best to play off my concern but it only comes across more anxious than usual, adding yet another awkward moment to obsess about later. “Couldn’t say for sure right now mate, we’ll just have to wait and see.