text: I was finishing a cigarette on the porch of my house (something that only older people do) and thinking about everything and nothing at once, like when you try to remember the time you and your friends went out to play for the las time. The dogs were laying there beside us in the warm summer night, the lights from the nearest city glistened between the hills we could see from our comfortable knitted chairs. We opened a bottle of cheap wine and kept up our nice conversation, we were laughing, since I met her I always loved the small grooves that her smile made upon her her cheeks, her beautiful brown eyes and her long curly hair that made her look radiant when in a burst of laughter it covered her face. Hearing that goofy laugh could always make me feel better, it could always make feel like everything was alright no matter how my day had gone. After a long while of laughter and just being silly, she put her head on my shoulder and we both looked at the stars, neither of us saying anything, I looked at her, her eyes and the stare she gave to the stars that always gave me atleast this feeling she was trying to understand the universe, trying to find out a greater meaning than our being here. I always ended up staring at her, always baffled and intrigued by that profound stare. I would have loved to stare in to her mind for a brief second and get a small glimpse at her magestic thoughts which I'm shure would have had the answers to the universe and life itself. I stopped staring at her and focused my thoughts on the starry sky again, a light breeze flew by making it a delightful summer night. All my problems were forgotten, this moment was pure peace, the kind of peace many men and women would not live on their lifetime, the kind of peace that would make anyone jealous. She got of my shoulder and started towards me, those beautiful brown eyes coming closer to me, those eyes that I could almost feel were looking deep into my soul. I closed my eyes and started to meet her half way in one of those deep kisses I found so soothing. As I came close to her I saw that little mole on her lower lip, that mole that I found extremely sexy and that gave her perfect lips a personality of their own. Right before my lips touched hers, she disappeared, I found myself kissing the air as my eyes slowly opened. My eyes that popped out of a zombie like thin face, from a head that was attached to a beaten and zombie like body. A zombie like body that was covered on ripped rags and covered in dirt, blood and grime from days of travel by foot. There where only crumbles of the mountains that once stood tall and adorned the landscape, the city lights were glistening no more and there was a dark cloud that covered the sky as far as the eye could see. There was a very particular smell in the air, a thick disgusting smell which I had come to get used to in the past weeks, it was the smell of death. Three weeks have passed since the bombs were set off, as far as I knew no war was started and after the explosions there was no one who could provide information. The last time I spoke to her was over the phone, the last video call, the last time I saw her face... Those eyes that were once trying to explain the universe were now filled with terror, blankly looking at the phone, knowing it was the last time I would speak to her. Finally I'm back here in this porch, this porche filled with bricks, concrete and pieces from neighbouring houses, between the rubble a red tricicle, now scratched and rusty reminds me on the place a young kid used to imagine he was riding a race bike, an airplane, a fast car and I rember vividly how he closed his eyes when in his imagination the vehicle being imagined hit too speed. Here sitting on this chair, were we once lay, laughed kissed and loved I hope for my death and know I'll go to heaven, for living without her has already been hell, surviving was a curse and getting here was my last wish. Now I can finally rest on this chair, the only thing that remains standing from this once beautiful and colorful street, now I can rest forever and finally go back to her, to those beautiful eyes, those soothing lips and that curly hair. I can only wish for one last kiss, for a radioactive kiss.