text: “This is absurd!” cried Emma. “I agree, you should’ve been put down by now,” said the replacement. The replacement had shown up unexpectedly, a sharp knock at the door, then they were sitting in Emma’s living room, drinking coffee and watching each other. The room itself was neither especially modern nor particularly Spartan; it consisted of fading blue paint, a worn-out sofa, and a bookcase full of old books. The replacement, in contrast to the room, looked fresh and original and exactly how Emma had looked some 20 years ago when she had painted the walls, bought the sofa, and read the then new books. “There must be a mistake, they always send out notice beforehand, my friend Tully was given two weeks before he was replaced. I’ll go and talk to the supervisor in the morning,” said Emma. “I’m afraid not. Since the people who would handle the practicalities of your transition haven’t visited you yet, I’ll do it now and save then them the time later,” said the replacement. “No! I have to go in. I wasn’t given any notice,” said Emma. “I’m sorry that you weren’t notified but in accordance with the protocol, protocol that you signed up for remember, when you aren’t able to continue with your work you are replaced, by me a clone of you,” said the replacement, then trying to take a more friendly tone, “But hey, I didn’t think that you’d be alive and here now so this is a surprise for me too.” “This isn’t fair!” said Emma, standing up and pacing around the room. “Come on, I think you’re getting quite hung up on this notice thing. Really, when I type this up for my report whoever reads it is sure to die of boredom, let’s move on to more interesting things,” said the replacement. “Oh whatever then,” said Emma, opening the box where she had hidden her cigarettes and selecting an unopened pack, fumbling with the wrapping as she sat back down. “What’s that you’ve got there?” asked the replacement, jumping up and quickly walking over to where Emma was sitting. “A packet of cigarettes. Want one?” said Emma, looking up at the replacement. “Cigarettes and all tobacco products are illegal! How did you get those?” the replacement said snatching the pack from Emma and sitting back down. “Hey! Give those back you bastard!” yelled Emma. “No. I’ll hand them in to the supervisor tomorrow when I bring your corpse back,” said the replacement. “Fuck you then,” said Emma curling up into a ball. A minute passed where neither Emma nor the replacement said anything. A moth was flickering against a window pane and the replacement was looking at it. “I can still remember it. It was 13 years ago but I can still remember it,” said Emma softly, still quite ball like on the couch. “Remember what?” said the replacement, in a bored tone still staring at the moth. “I know that you don’t care about me but I have something to say. People have regrets, I don’t have that many, I haven’t really lived that much but I do have some. I suppose that it’s a cliché to be talking about it now but I don’t care I want to,” said Emma. “Go on then,” said the replacement, still bored watching as the moth gave up, and stopped struggling against the window pane. “When I was finishing University I had a friend, Kayla, and I was in love with her, just a bit. Strangely enough she felt the same way about me too,” said Emma. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” said the replacement, interrupting her and leaning forward, “Because that sort of thing is looked down on now by most experienced people. I know it was a matter of course for you degenerates back then, but still.” “Shut the fuck up and let me finish!” said Emma, then after a pause she continued this time uninterrupted, “I don’t recall how it happened but she found out that I had feelings for her, maybe one of her friends figured it out, it’s not important. She got me to come and meet her at one of the University parks, it was nice. After talking a while we both confessed that we liked each other, rest assured it was very angst-ridden and teenagery. Then I, fuckwit I am, said no to going out with her when she asked me to dinner, as there was only a few weeks left on my degree after witch I’d be transferred here... I didn’t even try to kiss her.” “That, well that’s something,” said the replacement nodding several times then making a face, “I’ll be sure to tell the supervisor and get that trait removed, it wouldn’t do for me to be acting like that.” “Your loss.” said Emma, “What time is it anyway? I could go for something to eat.” “No, no more of this! I’ve had quite enough of this charade I’ve tried humouring it but I’m not going to play about any longer,” said the replacement. “Now? Prisoners get a last meal, don’t I deserve one?” Emma said jumping to her feet and looking around the room. “No. I condemn you to death by drowning,” the replacement said also standing up, “There must be a kitchen sink here, take me to it! Unless, maybe you’d prefer to go out in a bath tub, more time to contemplate your *friend*?” “Uh... I mean if we’re being pragmatic the kitchen sink would probably be quicker, at least I wouldn’t have to spend as much time listening to you,” said Emma. “Lead the way then.” Emma led the way into the kitchen on shaking legs followed by the replacement, the kitchen was a small yellowish room that stunk of week old garbage and stale Chinese food. Emma watched as the replacement put the plug in the sink and turned the tap on. “Last words?” asked the replacement. “I can’t think of anything to say right now... I don’t know try to enjoy yourself in the future maybe?” said Emma faintly staring at the ever increasing progress of the water as it filled up the sink. “I suppose that there are worse last words,” the replacement muttered, turning the taps off and gesturing for Emma to get into position. Emma lowered her head into the water with the hands of the replacement firmly pressing down on the back of her neck. After a few minutes wait the replacement pulled the body out of the sink and sat it down on the floor. “That whore, I got water on me,” said the replacement, wiping her sleeve on a dish cloth and lighting a cigarette.