text: Once upon a time, there was a gerbil named George that lived in a little cage. George always wondered what life would be like outside his little cage. He has escaped before but he rarely made it to the front door. His owners would scoop him up and put him back into the cage. George was unhappy and wanted to be as independent as a human. George had a plan. A very big plan. That plan was to escape the house and never return. For a gerbil, George had a big brain. George had helped his owner’s son with his algebra homework and even did his owner’s taxes once. George could also read dead sea scrolls and could write Icelandic runes. There was so much about George that almost no one knows about. Anyways, George managed to convince the owner’s son to go on the internet and find, download, and print a floorplan of their house. The son crammed the 8 x 11.5in print of the family home floorplan into the gerbil’s little cage. George studied the floorplan. He didn’t have a pen to mark his escape plan so he ended up having to make urine tracks all over the floorplan. Inside the cage underneath his bedding, George kept a stash of house tools and equipment like a welding machine, soldering tools, a handsaw, and a bunch of power drills. Don’t worry, they were gerbil-sized so no one could see the tiny equipment. What the hell was the gerbil making with all of those tools? His ultimate escape rocket. The rocket will help launch him out of the cage and go through the door. From the distance, it’ll look like a small bullet but don’t worry, the rocket is made out of titanium metal so the rocket will remain intact after it goes through several walls and the solid wooden front door. On the morning of the escape, George waited until everyone left the house but there was a problem, his owner’s son was at home. He wondered why wasn’t he at school? Then George looked at his calendar, it was a Saturday. Drats! He was supposed to launch on a weekday. He thought about rescheduling the launch until Monday but then he thought about how unintelligent the owner’s son was. He was the only person that actually listened to the gerbil and did what he said without question. George asked the boy if he could open the front door to let some air in and ventilate his cage. As usual, the boy listened and went to the front door. By the time the boy opened the door, he heard a loud pop. Next thing the gerbil’s rocket flew towards the exit. George flipped him the finger as he flew past his face but before he even left the property, a giant golden eagle flew out of nowhere and swallowed the rocket. The boy just stared in disbelief. He didn’t know what was cooler, the gerbil that could fly or seeing a giant eagle for the first time. Does this mean the end for George? Not really. To this day, he is still inside that rocket and inside that eagle waiting to be defecated.