text: A festering wound and a lingering thought are equally dangerous if not tended to. A small spore that spreads; thrives. Gently germinating before it takes a vicious hold and ravages everything it touches. Adeline immersed herself in her canvas. The gravitational pull it had on her and losing her sense of self with bold brushstrokes was why she loved it so. Her palette was full of rich colours and happy hues. But it was the black and white that blended to make a coal gray that would be the foundation of her night time painting. The only student to use this technique in the art class under the shade of a large oak. Adeline gradually covered the blank cotton canvas. The less the white became visible the more it filled her with something. She could not quite put her finger on it. She stared at a small speck of untouched canvas still visible in the center. A darkness swallowed the light whole, an immense void where nothing escapes. “Is this class a joke to you madam?” asked her teacher, Rapheal Vale, walking up beside where she was sitting. Even though his hair seemed to also have been mixed to have reached a similar gray, he clearly did not appreciate her attempt at using the colour. Or the absence of it. Adeline tried to keep a straight face as best she could, hiding the impact of the insulting question. “No sir it is not. This is simply...” “This is simply you wasting your, and my time. And more importantly, the money of the benefactor who put you here specifically to become better at portraits. That is why you are here is it not? And don’t you think they would be disappointed to see this?” Adeline turned to see all her peers staring at her and her work and even every portrait on every canvas gazed upon her. She became self-aware. In the distance she noticed one more observer. A young woman sitting on what was once a lush green grass-covered mound. Now, it was long, dead grass blowing in the cold breeze in harmony with her yellow locks. Only the crinoline hoops of her bright blue dress seemed to be impervious to the elements and didn’t move at all. “I...I suppose they would be.” she said. “These students have worked hard to be here. They all have made sacrifices to be here. And that is your problem Adeline. To you, it is a trivial pursuit that someone else is paying your services for. You want everything to be perfectly your way and that is why you cannot relinquish control.” he said and walked back to the front of the class and spoke to them as a collective. “Art is meant to uplift. It should capture the world around us faithfully and also uphold the moral values we hold dear. It should capture the essence of a personality with poise. And dignity, so remember: No smiles.” She sat stone-faced staring at her canvas as the class drew to a close. For the weeks that followed, Adeline would obsess over every single stroke and line as she painted faces without smiles but their eyes laughed at her. She didn’t want to make any mistakes. Everything she painted seemed to take twice as long as anything her classmates manufactured and felt half as good. Throughout all this, the young onlooker was there for almost all the classes and from time to time Adeline and her would lock eyes. Neither would make a gesture or anything to suggest awkwardness. On the contrary, Adeline felt a strange comfort with her being there, overlooking everyone. One late afternoon after class, Adeline packed up all her instruments and headed home. A group of her fellow students snickered and sneered as she walked by, mumbling something between them but she couldn’t quite make out what was being said and just gave a polite, but insincere smile and kept walking. Over the long grass and through the pathways, into the market where people were buying they’re daily goods. She stood in front of a bag of coffee beans and grabbed a handful to feel the texture, letting it fall through her fingers. The aroma was blissful. “I prefer your earlier work.” a voice spoke from behind her. She turned around and saw the young woman standing there with a wry smile. Her hair tucked behind her ear on the one side, and draped over her shoulder on the other side. “I’m sorry?” Adeline asked. “Your earlier work. It was more vulnerable. More ‘you’.” Adeline’s expression went from confusion to indignation. “You...you don’t even know me.” “I’m Aster.” she extended her hand. “Adeline.” Adeline reached out and put her hand inside of hers. It sent a jolt through her. “It feels good doesn’t it, Adeline?” she said, looking straight into her eyes. She pulled her hand away quickly like she was caught doing something wrong. Her eyes shifted away. “What...what do you mean?” Aster gave a little chuckle. “The coffee beans.” Adeline’s face became as red as the rarely used pigment on her palette. “Oh. Right. Yes, I love coffee.” she said. “Are you on your way home?” Adeline nodded. “Do you mind if I walk with you?” Her brows and eyes narrowed and shifted but the corner of her mouth curved ever so slightly upward. She nodded again. The two women promenaded through fields and along the lakes in the golden twilight. The ground was muddy and the grass wet due to the recent rains. Adeline used the one hand to keep her frayed skirt from touching the ground but Aster seemed unfazed by it even though the clothes she wore were much nicer. “Listen, there is this music hall soirée happening tomorrow evening. Would you join me as my companion? It will be so much fun. All your art friends will be there.” Aster said. Adeline looked down at the ground. “They are not my friends.” “Oh, well there will be many others as well. It will be an exquisite event. Music. Dancing. Lot’s of festivities. You will be smiling ear to ear.” she said as they reached Adeline’s house. “I don’t feel like smiling.” Aster studied her for a moment. “You don’t have to. Just stand next to me and I will smile for the both of us.” A content feeling washed over her. They stood there for a beat looking at each other before turning to the quaint little home. Its slightly weathered exterior bore the marks of age. Her grandfather built it with his own hands which was now hers. The front porch, an inviting threshold, beckons with its graceful spindle railings. Worn but resilient. The wooden planks of the exterior had an umber, earthy tone. “You have a beautiful home. Now this is more you.” Aster said. “Please join me tomorrow.” Adeline met her pleading gaze and could not resist. “Fine. But not too late. And don’t leave me alone with those people.” Aster backed away with a satisfied grin. As she moved the setting sun seemed to perfectly frame the glowing essence of her, and Adeline was suddenly struck with awe. After she watched her disappear into the distance she turned back to her house and noticed something strange on the corner of the foundation. A small puddle had formed next to the porch and on the trim and siding of the house on the wooden panels were tiny little spots. Mold. Black mold. The following evening Adeline toiled to find the perfect outfit. She tried on many different dresses until she found the one she was the least unhappy with. She brushed her hair and tightened it making sure there was not a strand out of place. She gazed upon herself in the mirror and felt like a subject sitting for a portrait. It reminded her of one of her earlier self-portraits. When she noticed the time she got up and paced down the hall. There was a dark room with the door slightly ajar. She stopped near it for a moment and closed the door as if to forget the room even existed. Right before she exited the front door she bent down to secure the laces on her boots and spotted the tiny specks now inside her home. Near the floorboards, on the white skirting were the stubborn dots once more. It was small and spread out but still enough to cause her concern. She pulled the laces tight, almost breaking it off and headed out the door. Distant murmurs grew louder into raucous laughter as Adeline approached the music hall. She peeked through the window. A crowd of people were laughing hysterically at a man on the wooden stage whose face was painted white, and whose bow-tie clashed with his horizontal striped shirt. “It’s almost over.” Aster said from behind her. Startled, Adeline quickly turned around. “Are you always going to sneak up behind me?” “I think so. It’s more fun that way.” she said and turned her eyes toward the hall. “The clown is almost finished, then the music will begin and we can dance. Come.” Adeline and Aster entered the hall side by side and she could feel eyes upon her. She was not sure if she was just imagining it but she did catch some quick glances that felt like long gazes. Everyone was in high spirits and high fashion. The moderately sized hall was packed, people were standing shoulder to shoulder. The vaudevillian performer took off his top hat and fiddled around in his jacket. “You know, my head has been itching all night, I think it has something to do...what’s this?” As he swirled the hat he reached in and pulled out a black rabbit. Adeline fell in love. “Well I knew I left him somewhere but he was white before. He must have heard this is a black-tie event.” Laughter. “Well now ladies and gentlemen, now the band will come out. I’m sure you’ll miss me but it is now time to face the music as they say.” People applauded and the comedian hopped and skipped off stage as the musicians brought on their instruments, violins, brass and a piano filled the stage. In anticipation people made room for what was now going to be a dance floor. Lively music started playing and couples paired up. Men quickly found any women standing alone and all of them accepted their invitation with excitement. Two young men sauntered over to Aster and Adeline and extended their hands to which even she could not say no to. Even though he had a smug look on his face as if her turning him down was not a possibility. The music swelled and the dancers swayed. It was as if the whole number was choreographed. Elbows were out and feet made a new tapping rhythm on the plank floors. The man dancing with her kept looking at her with this strange look, as if his brain told him to smile and it got stuck that way. She looked away to break his gaze and observed Aster dancing merrily with her partner. She must have felt her stare because Aster looked back at her and even though her red lips didn’t part or stretch or curve, her green eyes smiled at her. It wasn’t a laugh but a warm embrace from across the room. They shared a few more glances as the music tempo went up and down and songs ended and began. People switched partners multiple times and it was one big celebration. Violins and cellos played faster and faster and when the two got close to each other Aster broke away from her gentleman partner and grabbed Adeline by the arm to her shock and that of her companion. Aster twirled her and grabbed both her hands. Their bell-shaped silhouettes floated and billowed with each movement and created a mesmerizing spectacle. The layers of fabric rustled and rippled, catching the light and casted dancing shadows. They glided across the floor like children. Their skirts expanded like a blossoming flower, accentuating their every step and adding an enchanting allure to the dance. Now both of them were smiling. The music died down as the song came to an end and it was as if the lights somehow became brighter. She wondered if they were this illuminating the whole time. As the two stopped moving, still holding each other's hands, Adeline turned to the crowd that were now mostly staring at them. She became self-aware. A lot of them seemed appalled. Some seemed incensed. A few were laughing. Adeline pulled her hands away quickly. She looked at Aster, clearly hurt by this gesture. She gave a quick glance at the crowd before trotting off to the outside of the hall, only her steps echoing as she left. Outside was a small terraced garden adjoining the music hall. The perfectly trimmed topiary mocking her as she walked past. “Adeline!” She turned around to see Aster strode toward her. “Why do you let people do that?” “Let people? I don’t let people do anything, they do what they want.” “You allow them to affect you. You are so concerned with other people’s perception of you, you let it shape the perception of yourself.” “I am not their subject. I am not there to be scrutinized or studied or laughed at. I am not the clown.” she said. Aster took in her words. “And what am I?” Adeline looked confused. “How do you view me? You see that is why your paintings have become conventional and predictable. You are so afraid of making any mistakes but mistakes are exactly what art is about. We are all human. We are all full of mistakes. Perfectionism is the enemy of art.” Adeline clenched her jaw and fist and took a step closer. “What do you know about art? You sit there judging my work week after week but what have you painted? What have you created? Art is made by artists and critics can only criticize because they cannot do it themselves. You look at a land and say to the farmer there are not enough trees but you never plant any seeds. Only there to tell him what is wrong.” Aster stood silent and for the first time Adeline saw tears form in her eyes. Her stomach turned and her head would not be quiet. All she managed to do was turn around and hasten home. The following morning Adeline woke up and in the cold light of day felt nothing but sorrow and regret. She knew she hurt the one person that made her feel safe. And she hated herself for it. If it wasn’t for her benefactor, she would not be getting ready for class at all. She dreaded even setting foot near it. After she had made herself presentable she trudged down the hall and stopped in her tracks next to the closed door. She turned toward it. Her hand hovered above the handle before opening it and looking into the dark room, curtains closed. At the end of the opposite wall stood an easel and frame with a tarp draped over it. She opened the curtains to let the light in and stood in front of the covered canvas for what seemed like a long time. Her heart beat faster and she pulled away the tarp with one fell motion to reveal her self-portrait staring back at her. Her long black hair was down. Not how she normally wears it. And not how portraits are traditionally done. Her glowing skin was highlighted due to the contrast of the rich colour of the background. Brown eyes gazed back at her and it felt like she was looking at a different person. In this portrait she was smiling. The corners of her lips lifted her cheeks and her pearly white teeth were prominent. It would be the first thing any onlooker would notice. And then she noticed her nose. Freckles? It struck her as odd because she never had any. The closer she looked the more she saw. It was on her cheeks as well. And then she observed one of the tiny spots on her teeth, tainting her smile. Adeline, the observer, looked in shock as her eyes widened and realized what was wrong with Adeline, the subject. She picked up the frame and turned it around on the easel. The back of the easel was completely covered in black mold. Her heart fell through her stomach and took a step back, stunned. She looked up to see the majority of the ceiling covered in it. From the back skirting, to about the middle of the room, it was beginning to move toward the door, looking to consume and seize control of the entire house. She crept backwards, keeping an eye on the rot. As she felt the door she turned and ran. She felt the urge to see Aster. To let her look upon her and feel safe. Adeline blitzed out of the house, she ran past the lakes and through the fields. Over the hill and the long dead grass rustling in the wind. And then she found her. On a narrow dirt road, trees lined both sides and covered everything between it in its shade. At the end of the road stood Aster. Wearing the same blue crinoline hooped dress she saw her in the first time. Adeline stopped in her tracks upon the sight of her, about a hundred paces away, at the beginning of the road. The leaves began to shake violently as the wind picked up. Aster turned around to look at her, a smile on her face and a tear in her eye. A black rabbit hopped along the path and to her feet and she picked it up, stroking its ears. “Aster!” Aster looked up at her and she swore she could hear cello music playing somewhere. She took a step forward and it grew louder. She looked around frantically for some kind of source but could see nothing but the fields, the trees and Aster gazing at her. “Aster, I’m sorry!” she said and with each step she took the sound of the symphony swelled and the deep strings were so loud that Adeline put her fingers to her ears but it made no difference. The music kept building. She moved closer and closer to her and about halfway reality appeared to be drifting further and further away because behind Aster she could see the cracks in the air. The fabric of space and time tore open. Little specks of darkness appeared around her. The breeze grew stronger and the music crescendoed with a crash as a circular ray of light grew larger in the background. Even though it was bright out, inside this portal, or doorway were the stars and galaxies and one giant nebula. A black hole with light moving around it at unfathomable speeds. Aster took a step back. As she moved the contrast of light and dark seemed to perfectly frame the glowing essence of her, and Adeline was suddenly struck with awe. Aster took another step back, causing Adeline to stop moving forward. She shook her head, beckoning her to stop. Aster said something but Adeline could not hear it over the strings. She could only see her mouth the words as a tear rolled down her smiling cheek and lips. Adeline stood frozen. Aster took a final step back and the wind and the vacuum behind her lifted her and the rabbit off the ground and dragged her into the gravitational pull. Adeline could only stretch her hand out. Aster became weightless in the nothingness. She floated, the blue dress glowing amongst the stars. The tear separated from her face and it turned into a prism of vivid colours, becoming bigger as it drifted away from her. The rabbit jumped from her embrace and followed it. Her face became exposed and illuminated as she neared the gargantua. From the tips, her blonde hair turned into bright red embers. She looked like a phoenix. She reached out her hand to touch the surrounding light that traveled around the dark, circular shape. Her skin, her being and her atoms flowed into it. Becoming a part of it. The particles moved quicker and quicker as it was being fed into the supernova. For a brief few moment everything became excruciatingly bright and the music far too overwhelming for Adeline. And then, as if closing one’s eyes, everything stopped. The light was gone and she could see only the deep black colour covering every inch inside. A darkness swallowed the light whole, an immense void where nothing escapes.