text: HARRY GET OUT YOUR CANE. Ginny sat, once again, in her therapist's office. She wondered if she’d ever be done with this woman, yet in the same moment looked upon her with deep gratitude. This person had stood beside her for almost two decades. She stored an encyclopedia of details about Gin’s life and knew things and connections to things that few others did. Gin could be quite a blabbermouth and though she told people much, she hid even more. Her words often became a shield that protected her from those she felt most vulnerable. The woman who sat in front of her knew exactly the myriad of ways Gin tried to twist and squirm in her attempts to get off an invisible hook. With one sentence, she could reel Ginny in to a standstill. In this brief moment of respite the therapist's words then had a chance to penetrate a rather thickened outer shell. And so...the therapist’s words, “You deserve a relationship in which the person is equally invested in you!!” sent Ginny into a tailspin. This woman rarely spoke with exclamation marks and Ginny was taken aback by the directness of her observation. The words zapped her like an electrical charge. She had little to say, her tongue felt tied. The thrill of the shock from her words, sent Ginny out of the office, into Luke's waiting truck. The pair headed off into the wild blue horizon. More precisely, home to Gin’s garden. Ginny had great hopes for getting this man into her garden. He certainly had been generous in planting seeds, which, watered by her imagination, produced erotic scene after erotic scene. Most of Luke’s suggestions culminated with him generously spreading his seed across her already lush landscape. She held onto a vague dream where this fantasy would become reality. It didn't happen. As the couple sat and visited, Gin watched Luke retreat into his ivory tower and as hard as she tugged and enticed, he obstinately refused to budge. As Luke coolly spelt out his position, a lovely white feather drifted down and settled at Ginny's feet. She smiled, glanced up into the clouds and...admitted defeat. She was tired of fighting, of always seeking the best in others so that they would then see that reflection through her eyes. She'd begun to see what an arrogant, pretentious act this was. Yes, she was capable of great insights into human nature and had the ability to scour and dig past places few dared to explore. However, having the ability to do something and then ACTING upon that ability, were two different things. What happened most often for Gin was that the person ended up resenting her intrusion and, rightfully so. Her 'marks' would at first be amazed at her abilities to sleuth out hidden secrets and then once they realized the full scope of her powers, would turn and run. Most often they grabbed whatever weapon available to cut the insidious ties that had begun to bind them to this rather remarkable woman. Gin's default position then became a weighty tome of resentments. She would work very hard to stab herself in her heart, in her belly, in her side, over and over again, crying out, "Poor me, why am I so hard done by?" She had finally begun to learn the lesson set out for her by a power so much greater than herself. She entered the safety of her apartment, alone, no Luke in hand. She ate some yogurt and fruit, drank water and retired to her bed for a rest after an emotionally charged morning of activity. Ginny promptly fell asleep.... Lilith woke up panting. She slipped a hand down to her throbbing Netherlands and immediately exploded in a fiery burst of rippling waves of pleasure. She sighed, knowing that her twin, Ginny was soon going to grab her, chastise her severely and then...well, Gin could throw a wet blanket over any fire Lilith started. Ginny could be a bloody pain in the neck. Her prissy assed morals and ‘good’ Catholic girl indoctrination often put a crimp in Lilith’s lifestyle. Sure enough, Lilith felt that irksome sibling’s hand snake out and grab her by the butt. The gentle pinch held promises of a more painful prodding. Lilith’s still rippling orgasm began to settle down and out of the ashes, arose...a beautiful fiery Phoenix. This mythical creature born again and again, silently admonished Lilith with a gentle reminder - “Love should never be a weakness or a place of harm, It should stand rather as a pillar of strength, offering a soft refuge in a turbulent storm.” Lilith had been engaged in a rather steamy affair with a guy that had caught her twin’s attention. Luke wasn’t quite sure what he had trapped, but sensed that Gin’s rather sedate, prissy assed exterior was but a facade for a hidden beast that roamed wild and free. He would have been wise to pay heed to Jim’s warning in the song 'Riders on the Storm'... “There's a killer on the road, his brain is squirming like a toad.” "Into this world Luke had been born, like a dog without a bone." Luke was a musician and easily got caught up in the passion of rhythm. For it was in those brief moments of time that he escaped the prison of his brain and flowed down rhythmically into the rest of his body. He felt hostage to the urges that prodded him to entice, tease and manipulatively nudge Ginny into places that horrified her. She would admonish him severely for his ‘inappropriate’ behaviour and in the same breath, ponder the size of his penis. He’d been rather blatant in his attempts to hook her interest in that organ. One of his observations, “Yes, I fared well when we moved from Imperial to metric, I went from 7 to 17” was an offhand enticement that may have crossed an invisible line. What he didn’t quite realize was that his teasing had aroused Lilith. This creature had been with Ginny for many years. She had sensed her presence many times throughout her life and though she had vague recollections as to Lilith's birth, chose instead to ignore and sublimate this rather troublesome companion. When Lilith came out to play, Ginny’s response was to run and hide, hoping that her twin would grow tired of the game or, get bored and leave. Ginny had allies. Her mother for one. Trixie sensed that her daughter housed some mysterious stranger and she did her best to squelch this rather irksome guest. She ran herd on a child that could be quiet, obedient and rather angelic in one breath and in the next, turn into an unrecognizable feral cat. Trixie did her best to tame this being but came to realize she was fighting a losing battle. Had she been of a generation that understood certain signs in a child, she might have guessed that what happened to her oldest child, at the age of three, at the hands of an inquisitive, hormone driven teenage boy needed to have been addressed. Sadly it took Ginny over 40 years to face the inner issue that had coloured and tainted every moment of her life. Her memory of being carried through the deep forest, was as fresh as the day it happened. Her family was very close to another family who had several children, some older than Gin and some younger. Gin's favourite was the 13 year old son. A hormonally driven teenage boy who was quite indulgent with her. The two families had gone camping. Ginny at 3 adored her 13 year old hero and followed him around like a little puppy. The families joked about their relationship and no one seemed to think it anymore than a little girl’s crush. What happened to end this innocent arrangement, left an indelible scar on Ginny's psyche. The betrayal that happened twisted and jaded her sexual experiences for most of her adult life. Ginny distinctly remembered sitting on the boy's shoulder as he carried her through the forest on their way to the beach. What anyone observing, even carefully, would never have guessed was that while he ‘protectively’ cupped her behind as they walked, he managed to wiggle two fingers into the deepest recesses of Ginny’s body. Her memory? The boy she adored, touching her in a way she found incomprehensible. Her body, however, perfectly comprehended what was being done and...responded. It was at this moment Lilith was born. As Ginny retreated further and further into the sky, Lilith settled deeper and deeper into the body they shared. Lilith loved the sensations produced as the boy stroked her clitoris and slid his finger further and further into her vagina. Ginny? Not so much. She remembered somehow watching what was being done to her body and she flew high up into the sky. It was many years later, as an adult in group therapy that she was finally able to look at what had happened that day in the forest. It took many more years, two failed marriages, an affair with a woman and years of recovery from a disease which frequently took the lives of those who hosted this unwanted guest. Into her sixties, Ginny finally began to trust men...tentatively. She was still suspicious and not quite ready to risk being stabbed yet again. She'd carefully tested the water a few times but usually found a myriad of excuses as to why her dreams could not be fulfilled. Luke, for her, was a great puzzlement. Their relationship, as it developed, brought more and more confusion for Gin. And as always, when Ginny was confused, especially about sexual matters, Lilith came to the rescue and dealt with the problem at hand. With Luke, she was ruthless. She took his provocative teasing and carried it to a level that shocked even a rather jaded musician who had been immersed in a world of “sex drugs and rock’n’roll.” He may have been able to handle Ginny, but not Lilith. She was a hard one to control and when she came out to play, well, no guarantees on what could happen. Lilith was wild, crazy and totally unpredictable. She flew with whatever wind blew her way and when stuck in a doldrum, found many ways to entertain herself and her fellow shipmates. Life was rarely dull when Lilith was in charge! Lilith highly approved of Luke. She smacked her lips, thought to herself “what a delectable morsel this one appeared to be.” Her biggest problem was how to ditch Ginny and her annoying habit of trying to duck out of ways to have ‘fun’. Luke, Ginny and Lilith began spending many hours texting one another. Luke may have believed it was Ginny he was communicating with, when in fact, it was mostly Lilith. She cast out her lures and Luke bit...till he realized that something strange was happening and that he was caught up in an adventure that, at best, was headed for a train wreck. Luke was actually a pretty cool headed guy. His attention to this woman he had unsuspectingly snagged was like a soothing balm to a deep wound. Someplace inside him recognized a troubled soul and he reached out as best he could from his own well of experience, strength and hopes. The odd part was that his own personal issues meshed very well with this woman he had engaged in extremely scintillating provocative texting. Eventually he seemed to come to his senses and sent Gin the following message: “ I'm trying to focus more on what's really best for me, and less on what I think is best for the world. 🌝I have to be honest.... You really need to know that I have no intention of becoming involved with anyone, in any type of romantic endeavors for the foreseeable future. I'm now happy and free...but yet very much wanting to continue with a program of recovery I'm thankful that you've decided to continue looking for "that person" in your life. My friendship with you is not in any way contingent on whether you should find 'that partner.” The message was loud and clear to Gin. Most importantly, it got through to Lilith! Ginny knew this was a man of integrity and honour and one who was doing his utmost to live a life of peace and serenity. She reigned Lilith in, hard. She doubled up on her vigilance over her twin and made every effort possible to accept the situation as it was and at the same time demand and expect accountability. She knew in her heart that even Lilith was not so cruel and selfish as to continue with behaviours that caused harm to herself, Ginny and those who crossed their paths. One of Gin’s decisions was to cease texting, not just with Luke but with those that used this format as a way of avoiding...much. She suffered a small amount of grief, but knew her love for this man was deep enough and pure enough to overcome whatever trouble Lilith may have stirred up. She was very grateful for the catalytic charge he’d detonated within the deepest well of her being. Over the course of the next week, much fell into place for Ginny. Lilith decided to behave, for the most part, and life became...very good. Ginny pondered her therapist's words and the years of counseling that led up to her advice. She knew without doubt that Luke had set a wonderful example for her and her gratitude spilled out into total acceptance of the fact that indeed, “She deserved a relationship in which the person was equally invested in her!!” She began looking beyond the limitations imposed by her previous experiences and saw...a sea of possibilities. She smiled at the images that swam across her imagination. She turned on her music just as Joni started singing “Carey”. Ginny had always heard 'Carey' as 'Harry' and in her mind, that was who Joni was singing about. The wind was in from Africa and images of elegant men with canes began to blow across the corners of her imagination. The next song in the iTunes shuffle just happened to be an old Skeeter Davis song, "Gonna Get Along Without You Now". Ginny laughed. Her Higher Power had a very droll sense of humour. As Skeeter finished up, Eric Clapton's old band, Cream began playing. Ginny gasped as the message sunk in... She was FREE!