text: Court Wizard Malagus the Fourth stood proudly before King Richard and the court. Behind him, the common rabble sat, amazed at the might of the wizard as he offered a curse worthy of the treason of the man kneeling before them. “You will never endanger this kingdom again, Margon the Black!” King Richard said and turned to Malagus. “And my court wizard will ensure it. Tell us, mighty Malagus, of the punishment you shall inflict upon this traitor.” “Yes, my King! I shall inflict the curse of eternal suffering upon him, a curse so terrible that it is only spoken of in whispers by most. But not by me, of course.” Malagus paused, waiting for cheering. There wasn’t. In fact, everyone looked... a little confused. Finally, King Richard coughed once and then spoke, “Yes, and what will this curse do?” “Why inflict eternal suffering upon this dog, great King! And then we shall place him in a coffin forged from iron, his body cast into it while the metal is still red hot! That shall be placed into an obsidian sarcophagus, and then molten lead shall be poured into the cavity to make it impossible to get to the coffin. And then a great temple complex shall be constructed around the sarcophagus, guarded by traps both mundane and magical!” “Errr...” King Richard stared at Malagus. “That is... rather more expensive than I thought. Wouldn’t it be better to just give him a small grave, perhaps let the family put flowers on it--“ “Oh no, my King! For should he ever be released, the curse of eternal suffering would then let him become an abomination, a being of pure hatred, a being capable of--“ “Getting vengeance!” Margon shouted. “Upon your children and their children!” “Hah!” Malagus laughed. “The crypt and the traps and the immortal guards that I will summon to defend it will ensure that you never--” There was a cough, and Malagus turned, getting ready to punish whatever *peasant* interrupted his speech. And the man who had coughed was a peasant. He was wearing stained and worn clothes, no doubt someone who had come to beg the court for mercy in some affair. “WHAT!” Malagus snarled. “Um, begging the court wizard’s pardon, but Your Majesty, if you think this is too expensive, I can help you.” “How, my good man?” King Richard asked. “I’m a logger, so I’ll whack his head off for a gold piece. Ain’t never seen anyone come back from that.” Malagus laughed. “Who do you think King Richard would trust? My sorcery or your ax!” He glanced up at the King. “Shall I have the laborers start on the crypt? It should only take a few months--well, building the physical structure at least, then come the traps and the magic...” King Richard stared at him. Looked back to the peasant, rubbed his chin... Then made his decision. \*\*\*\* “And they’re calling him a *headsman* now!” The former court wizard slurred out to his listener. “And the other kingdoms are also hiring them. I mean, nobody asks for a curse of disembowelment or a crown of eternal suffering anymore! They just get one of these, these, *peasants*, and whack, off goes the head!” “That’s rough, buddy,” the bartender said. “But... if you don’t have a job anymore, I’m gonna have to ask for some coins up front.” Malagus the Fourth, *former* court wizard, groaned and let his head hit the counter.