text: Tuesday, February 5, 2019 Just an ordinary Tuesday, or so you would think. But I saw him again; the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. He was hanging with his friends like I was, so I faked having to tie my shoes just so that I could look at him a little longer. I don’t know what it is about him... Like this magnetic pull towards him. I love looking at those amazing blue eyes. They are framed by those shaggy dark brown bangs and an oval face. I can only imagine that he must have been teased mercilessly as a child for that determined square jaw. But it fits his face perfectly now. Especially that cleft in it that I always want to trace. I’ve determined that he’s a Junior at the university we go to and that he’s not on any of our sports teams. Personally, I think he should be modeling. He’s so rugged and playful. This doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even know his name! We’ve never even spoken and yet my dreams are full of his perfectly tanned, muscular image since I first saw him at the beginning of the semester. I’ve never seen him in the same outfit twice, which means that he’s likely got more money for clothes and food than I do at this point. This is ridiculous! I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know his major, his schedule, his friends... I don’t even know his name! All I know is that if I’m a few minutes early for my Classic Western Civilization class on Tuesdays, I can catch a glimpse of him with his friends outside of the Biology lecture hall. Is he ending his class or is he beginning it like I am? What is he talking about with his friends? Is it something interesting or would I find it vapid? It’s so crazy, but I have to know... Tuesday, February 19, 2019 He looked at me! I was doing the whole “tying my shoe” thing, and he stopped mid-sentence and looked right at me! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH!! It was only for a moment, but his stare was intense and focused. I know what he probably saw: a frizzy-haired red-head with freckles on her cheeks and forest green eyes so green that people assume that I’m wearing contacts. I’m a classic tomboy since my dad raised me with my five older brothers after Mama died when I was a kid. I shop at the Thrift Shop. I’m not ashamed; the prices can’t be beat and I prefer the flavor of the old styles. But, watching a couple of those perfectly tanned, perfectly blond, perfectly awful cheerleaders giggle and flirt at him last week made me wish that I was a little more fashion-forward. He seems completely comfortable in his own skin. I envy him. I’m always so awkward with anyone outside of my circle of friends. I haven’t made a new friend since my Freshman year in high school! I really need to work on that. I’ll bet he doesn’t have that problem. He looks friendly and approachable. And I’d give anything for someone to spill their drink on him so that he would have to take his shirt off. Whoo! That was naughty, diary. But I can’t help it! I can practically see his toned abs through his tight T-shirts when I see him. And his jeans fit him to a tee! He strikes me as someone that doesn’t struggle with his self-esteem. I mean, yum! I’ve noticed that I’m not the only one that stares when he walks by. Midterms are coming up, I know I need to focus. But all I can think of when I get back to my dorm room is my Tuesday Stranger. What would it be like to walk over and say hi? No, I would have to think of something clever to say to him. And you know that I don’t specialize in clever. My tongue gets glued to the roof of my mouth and I start stuttering and blushing since my skin is so pale and I burn whenever I try to tan. No, best to hold off on trying to speak to him. Especially since I have no reason to, being a Sophomore. But he’s so gorgeous... Tuesday, March 12, 2019 I am so glad that my idiot brothers don't have access to my dorm, or more importantly my diary. They used to raid my room back home and look through my diary until I hid it under a loose floorboard under my bed. Now I don’t have to worry about that at least. I’ve got it bad! I can’t imagine what any one of them would do if they knew just how bad I’ve got it. Or even worse, if my father found out. I could just imagine him dragging me through the halls until he found the guy I’m crushing on and then lecturing him on why he hasn’t asked me out or something equally humiliating enough to have me switching schools. Through the world’s most round-about interrogation, I found out that my mystery man is a RA in the guy’s dorms one floor down. His name is David Addleston! Oh, my gosh, doesn’t that name just suit him? He’s so hot! I haven’t had a crush like this since eighth grade. But Tom Griswald doesn’t hold a candle to my David! He’s a pre-med student and he takes kendo and he’s a writer for the school newspaper and he... I’m gushing. But I can't help it! The more I learn about him, the more I like about him. It doesn’t help that he seems to be worth learning about. Turns out that he is a model. You know, part time at the university. I mean... I don’t know if it’s voluntary or not, but he’s a nude model in an art class. I would kill to be in that class. My roster is already full and Mrs. Riel said that she’s already full for this semester and the next. Students are always clamoring to get into her class according to her, especially since David joined. And since I didn’t cop an attitude with her, she promised to keep me in mind should someone drop her class. God, that made me blush! I told her that I was asking for a friend. Ugh... Thinking back on it, I guess that was a little obvious. Just a smidge. Anyway... Since I can’t justify a sudden need to re-register all my classes and lest I lose those precious few minutes of ogling outside of Western Civ, I just have to settle for finding out everything I can about him. Is this what a stalker feels like? Am I sympathizing with stalkers? Look at what this man is doing to me! I am not a stalker, for the record. I was obsessed with him long before I found out that he was a nude model! Tuesday, April 2, 2019 I was in a panic for a while there. I couldn’t find you; how I misplaced you in my closet is beyond me, but I've been so scatter-brained lately thinking about him that I'm not surprised. For a while there, I was having horrible flashbacks to eighth grade. Adam and Peter found out about my crush and beat the snot out of poor Thomas, warning him away from me. The poor boy spent the rest of the year refusing to be anywhere near me, practically running away from me when I tried to approach him. Then the rest of the class found out why my older brothers had beaten him up. The whole thing was so humiliating! At least they can’t find out about David in another state. It took some creative convincing, but Dad is finally okay with me staying on campus over Spring Break to study. In truth, I have a couple of projects to work on for my engineering degree. The real reason I want to stick around is that I found out that David is staying on campus for Spring Break this year. I want to have time to talk to him without his ever-present entourage. Actually, I’m not sure if they’re staying on campus too. This could prove to be disastrous. But I’ve already convinced my family that they don't need to come to college and pick me up, I can’t just change my mind at the last minute if things don’t work out. Tuesday, April 16, 2019 So, it seems that both of our groups of friends are headed out for Spring Break. Yay! I’ll have a chance to maybe talk to David. Oh wow, my palms are sweating just thinking about it. But I’m determined to go through with this. As far as anyone knows, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, or worse, a boyfriend. I can do this. Friday, April 19, 2019 Okay, so far I have managed to get all my work done for the rest of the semester by being magnetized to the library. It’s like, everytime I see him, my feet immediately take me to the stacks to find more references for my term papers! I pump myself up to talk to him and then... I turn bright red and walk away. But it doesn’t make sense for me to be in the library so much just because he is. This is crazy. I am a madwoman. I’m a perfectly logical adult. There is no reason I should be sitting here writing in my diary in a public space instead of doing something about my crush that would be worthy of recording here. I (interrupted entry) David came and talked to me! I’m not even kidding. Nor did I slip, hit my head, and hallucinate the encounter! He sat down next to me and asked if I would mind if he sat with me for a while. He noticed that I was spending an obscene amount of time in the library this Spring Break. I just about swallowed my tongue when I looked up and there he was. We actually had a great conversation about classes and nightmare teachers. Turns out that he took Western Civ last year since it's a requirement for both our majors. He offered to lend me some of his old notes from the class. I jumped at the chance, nevermind the fact that I’m doing really well with the class already. After chatting for a good hour, he invited me to the cafeteria for dinner. I was gobsmacked for a minute before I agreed. It was fun! David is quite the conversationalist. And it didn’t take long for my normal boisterousness to reassert itself as I got more comfortable with him. He’s so nice. Turns out that he’s the youngest with four married sisters. And he’s also from out of state. He wants to be a Pediatric Oncologist and has since his best friend in fifth grade died of cancer. Isn’t that noble? He’s so amazing... I think I’m swooning. In any event, it’s a much more noble reason than I have for my choice of future profession. I’ve always been obsessed with the shape of things, buildings in particular. It turns out that the science and art of architecture fits my mindset. I’m not ashamed of it or anything, but I wish I had a more emotional reason for choosing that particular major. David didn’t seem to mind. He said that there’s nothing wrong with being logical about one’s career choice. We talked and laughed until the cafeteria closed and then he walked me back to my dorm. I can’t believe it. I’d almost call it a date, but everything was so casual and nice. And I don’t think dates are allowed to be in the school cafeteria. Anyway, he wants to meet me in the library again tomorrow. Maybe I’ll learn more about him... Saturday, April 20, 2019 Here lies Alana Easeman. Thief. Meddler. Blabbermouth! She talked too much. No... She never knew when to leave well enough alone. No, maybe... She didn't know when to quit. I'm thinking of what to write on my former best friend's tombstone when I get ahold of her. How dare she take my journal, my diary, and show it to the object of my affection! Oh, this is so much worse than eighth grade! David told me yesterday during a lull in our conversation. Apparently she, being the bold one of our relationship, decided to take it upon herself to go to my secret crush, introduce herself, show him my private diary entries, and then ask him if he might be interested in getting to know me! And worst of all, she then had the nerve to disappear for Spring Break to somewhere I couldn't strangle her for embarrassing me like that! I'm going to murder her! I'm absolutely going to murder her this time! I mean, she has pulled some hair brained stunts over the many, many years of our friendship, but this... this definitely takes the cake! He kissed me when he saw how mortified I was. He was so casual about it too! My very first kiss and he just... It was so nice... He is a masterful kisser. It was everything I ever dreamed a kiss could be - warm and wet and wonderful. I froze when it started; he leaned in like in the movies - slow and non-threatening. And suddenly his lips were on mine. My eyes were the size of saucers for a moment, I swear. But then they slipped closed when he slanted his mouth over mine and licked my lips. When I squeaked (yes, I squeaked), his tongue was suddenly in my mouth, doing all kinds of interesting, wicked things to me that had me moaning like a freight train. And he didn't stop - well, obviously he did. We had to breathe eventually. But once we got our breath back, he did it again! He gave my mouth a very thorough examination, right in the middle of the library! Where anyone could see! And with the kissing and the touching... I was in Heaven. He said that he'd felt my stare on him for half the semester and that he simply didn't know how to come over and speak to me without scaring me away. I was laying in his arms, dazed at the time, so I couldn't protest. Then he kissed me again and I could only think warm gooey thoughts as heat started pooling low in my belly... I'm still going to murder Alana when I see her! I'm just not sure if she's going to be my Maid of Honor at our eventual wedding (his words, not mine) or not afterward.