text: (Should've been marked \[HM\] Humor - whoops!) # My Favorite Things My favorite place to be is between two thighs. I can’t fully explain why. It’s warm. I feel secure. The sound is dampened from the outside world making my anxiety shakes not so bad. I moan every time I’m down there because it’s so comfortable, and anytime someone tries to move me, I moan even louder. I moan for comfort and discomfort alike! My favorite activity is peeing. Well, maybe it’s a tie for first, between peeing and chewing. Do you ever have something you’re gnawing on and there is something inside you that won’t let you stop? It’s almost like a special voice that only I can hear - “don’t you stop chewing damnit!” And so I listen and follow orders. I love to follow orders. Sit down. Stand up. Come here. Pretend you are dead. It doesn’t matter what it is, I just love it! And don’t even get me started on peeing. In the corner. On the grass. On the carpets. On the pee pad. In my crate. All those places are so fun to pee on. Sometimes mom yells loudly at me when I pee - especially when I pee in the corner. She’s always so encouraging. Sometimes I pee when she isn’t looking so she can come later and be surprised! I love surprises. Sometimes dad surprises me by making my ball disappear. He will throw the ball for me and it vanishes! Nowhere to be found; and then, out of thin air, he brings it back! He’s so impressive with his magical surprises. My favorite beverage is water! I usually have a little bowl that mom fills up for me, but sometimes I know she is busy so I go ahead and use the big bowl. The big bowl is where mom and dad go to sit and think. Sometimes they will be on there for 5 or 10 minutes looking at their glowy toys they hold. When they are not in there, sometimes I will go and try and figure out what they were doing in there for so long. I can never figure it out so I just take some water from the throne where they sat so that maybe I can figure out how they are so wise. Recently my favorite pastime has been finding the cloth mom and dad have for me to chew. Sometimes they try to play games with me and hide them. In a drawer. In the hamper. In a zipped up gym bag. But sometimes they are nice and just leave it out for me on the ground. It doesn't take long for me to chew and swallow all the cloth. So fun! One time after I chewed an entire thin lace cloth mommy left out for me, and because I did such a good job she took me to see our very good friend who lives in the small building and always wears a white coat. Sometimes I am nervous and shake when we go there, but our very dear friend is always so nice to me and asks me lots of questions. Okay. I hear mom coming home. I must go for now because I want to surprise her with a poop before she comes in the room.