text: As my heart pounded against my chest and my eyes began to blur I knew this was it. My lungs burned and my head felt as if it were going to explode. As whatever was wrapped around my leg pulled me deeper into the water all I could do was imagine; imagine the way my life was, what it could have been. the mistakes I made and all the people I had hurt, that had hurt me. I could feel my entire body loosen and I felt weightless. The last thing I saw was a blurred human-shape swimming towards me. As darkness clouded my mind my life flashed before my eyes. I was sitting in class, she looked back at me. The rest of the room faded out. The only thing that existed was her. Her golden eyes were filled with mystery and intrigue. She started walking towards my desk. I remember the feel of my hands shaking as she spoke. “You dropped this in the hallway.” she said, handing me my student card. Her hand brushed against mine. “Thanks so much.” I said, feeling my face turn tomato, which I guess she picked up on. “No problem. I’m Tereza by the way.” Her voice sent chills down my body, sounding like an old friend and someone you needed the approval of at the same time. “Julia is I- my name is.” I relived the embarrassment of that moment, feeling the sourness of mispronouncing the words, believing I had lost her respect that I so clearly craved. The scenery changed. Now we were at a park. That’s right, this happened about a week after the classroom incident. She found me “charming in a foolish way.” Those were her words. I found it endearing the first time she had said it to me. The way she looked, talked and just her general character had reeled me in, making it so I didn’t want to disappoint her, let alone even think of her as any less than perfect. We sat on the park bench around 3am. We just sat and talked for hours but the part my dying body decided to show me was when we saw a frog. At this point it was about 4am. We still sat on the bench, a frog hopped towards us. “Aw, look at this little guy.” I exclaimed. Picking the little thing, thinking she’d find this barely palm-size creature as adorable as I did. “It looks... slimy.” she declared. “It is a bit wet and cold. Do you want to hold it?” I asked, knowing I should put it down soon so it doesn’t get too stressed. In reality I wasn’t quite sure if frogs even felt stress. Surely they did. “Sure.” Tereza said. I gently slid the frog into her hands like a wholesome drug deal. She cupped her hands around the frog, giggling as she did it. Her laugh made my heart stop for a moment. It was the type of laugh you’d do anything to hear again. And then her true colours came out. She giggled harder as she squeezed the frog, its eyes bulging out. “What are you doing?” I yelled, grabbing her hand. “It’s just a frog.” She replied, smirking. I was shocked at how such an amazing person could be so cruel. I remember the confusion and fear I had felt that day. I felt like crying, not in front of her though, “I Have to go. I’m tired.” I said, having to get away from her. As I started to walk away her hand wrapped around my wrist, her nails digging into my skin. I swung around to look at her. She immediately loosened her grip. “I’m sorry. I just don’t have many friends and don’t really get out much. Please forgive me.” she said, tears in her eyes as she pulled me into a hug, sobbing so hard she soaked the shoulder of my shirt. I should have said ‘No. It’s not ok, get away from me.’ But I was foolish. “It’s ok.” I whispered as she pulled away. She wiped the tears and snot away off her face. Makeup was smudged and running down her face. “Thank you.” She said. Scenery began to shift again. Between the regular memories she kept showing up. “Hello, my love.” her voice rang in my mind. Her coming up behind me, running her fingers through my hair and whispering those words in my ear. I had to admit I loved the attention from her. We were on a sidewalk, the brisk wind stung my face so when she cupped my cheek with her hand I welcomed the warmth. For some reason she always wanted to hang out a night, which I never understood but didn’t question. This had been months after the second occurrence. We had been ‘dating’ for a couple weeks, despite her not calling me her girlfriend. I had assumed it was because she wasn’t out or something like that. That night we sat in a field, watching the stars. I could see a man walking in the distance out of the corner of my eye. He had started walking closer until Tereza sat up. “You.” Is all he said in a haunted whisper. His eyes grew wide before he continued walking, head down and arms tight to his body. As he walked past, picking up his pace, Tereza looked at me and smiled before saying “I’ll be right back.” and walking towards him. As soon as she stood up he started sprinting. I hadn’t a clue why this grown man was afraid of this thin, teenage girl who was a good few inches shorter than him. They disappeared behind some bushes. Afraid for Tereza's safety, I followed. “Where’s my money, Derek.” I heard her whisper between giggles. Looking through the bushes to see what was going on, I witnessed as she crouched over his shivering body with a hunting knife, The moonlight strategically shining, showing the glimmer in her eyes and that wicked smile. “Please, just give me a bit more time. I can get it, my paycheck comes in soon.” The man whimpered, trying to squirm out from under her boot. “You have until Tuesday. She replied, lifting her boot off his chest for a moment before stomping on his head. As his head slumped to the side he had made direct eye contact with me. “Help.” he mouthed as I stepped away from the bush. I ran, which I’m aware wasn’t the smartest move but I was a dumb teenager. I could hear her catching up with me. “Please, Julia, wait.” She said, once again grabbing my arm to stop me from getting away. I shook off her hand. “Get away from me.” I had said in a hushed but sharp tone. The genuinely hurt look in her eyes as she let go was almost enough for me to look past her crazy side. In reality, we all had flaws, right? “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Was the last thing I had said to her that night, leaving her alone in the darkness. The scenes kept shifting faster, wavering in and out. There was a light coming from somewhere, making the memories harder to focus on. She kept appearing, scenes throughout months of her desperately trying to convince me to forgive her, getting progressively more aggressive. The last memory was of her walking up to me while I was alone, pushing me against the nearest wall, her knife stuck in it beside me and her face inches from mine. “Forgive me. I’ve changed.” She said, a crazy look in her eyes, the same expression I’d seen as she held that man under her boot. She enjoyed this, getting people to do as she told out of fear. “I told you I didn’t want to talk to you anymore.” I said before shoving her out of my way. “You’re so dramatic!” she stated, “ I’ll remember this. I have connections, Julia. You can’t get away from me, you’ll have to forgive me eventually.” Her tone had changed from ‘mightier than thou’ to desperate. “I don’t care.” I had replied. Her expression changed, a wave of calm washed away her cruel, hurt expression. “I hope you drown.” Was the last thing she had said to me. It had been years since that happened yet the words rang in my mind as the light kept getting brighter. There was talking around me but by this point it just sounded like Charlie Brown's parents. I started to make out the words and shapes. There were 3 people standing over me in a triangle shape, concerned expressions on their faces. “Hey, she’s waking up. Hey, you ok?” the middle man said, lifting my head a bit. “Yeh- yes.” I said, A sharp feeling surrounded my throat and stomach as I talked. “How long have I been out?” I managed to ask. “Only a few seconds, roughly 10. Still scary though, thought you were a goner.” The man replied, helping me up. “We called an ambulance.” The girl on the left said. “Thank you.” I croaked. They continued to ask me questions but my eyes focused on something in the distance. Then I recognized it, that wicked smile. Her.