text: "You're kidding, right?" The second the smile creeps on to his face, I know he thinks I'm joking. Granted, if it was a joke it wouldn't have been very funny. He's probably hoping that it's a joke. Because what is he supposed to do with this information, anyway? Why did I tell him? Oh God, why did I tell him? I could've kept the secret my entire life and eventually died with it. I could've lived with it gnawing at me from the inside every day. But that might've been better than admitting it to another living person. Now that's someone else that has to live with this information. I swallow past the lump that's growing in my throat. "That's not funny," he continues, and man, is he right. I wish I could turn it around and say haha, just kidding, here's my real secret , but unfortunately, I'm not a quick enough thinker to think of something good enough to cover this up and make him not be suspicious of me. He would wonder why I said that as my "joke" secret. Especially when he's now looking at me like he is. What do I say ? "It was an accident," I murmur quietly. Lame, I know, but it's the truth. His face twists and I can see the horror in his eyes. The horror that's paired with disbelief, because after all, I'm his little brother, and how could his little brother be behind the Lake murders? "Noah, c'mon... You wouldn't, you couldn't , you..." He trails off when he sees my unwavering expression, my face set in stone. He knows I'm telling the truth. He knows how I lie; I've been a bad liar my entire life. I just needed to tell someone , because it was gnawing at me, and I trust Blake more than anyone. At least, I did. The way he's looking at me makes me think maybe I shouldn't have trusted him. Maybe this was a mistake. But it's not like I killed anyone because I wanted to - I had to. The first one just sort of happened, and then the second one was because she knew about the first one, and then so on and so on. Y'know? And the lake? It just happened to be the most convenient place to dump the bodies. Next thing you know, my murders were in the papers, on the news, and they even gave me a name - The Lake Murderer - thinking they had me all figured out. Well, they didn't, because they never traced the murders back to me. But that was ten years ago. I was young and stupid. And I thought Blake, of all people, would understand that. "Blake, listen," I say, as gently as possible. He steps back, holding out his hands. "Stay away from me," he cautions. "Blake, I would never hurt you," I try to assure him, "you're my brother. And like I said, none of them were on purpose..." "Noah, you murdered five women . That is not an accident." "You don't know-" "Yes, I do . I've made mistakes. But I've never murdered anyone!" Something starts to burn inside of me: anger. I try to push it down, to keep the flame from growing, and to stay calm, because if I get angry, who knows what Blake will do. I have to stay calm. But the louder he raises his voice and the longer he looks at me with disgust, the harder that gets. "I thought I could trust you" is all I'm able to say. "You could, before you decided to become a murderer," Blake snaps, but then he pauses and takes a deep, slow breath, shutting his eyes while he does so. He reopens them when he speaks next. "I'm sorry, Noah, but I can't sit on this. I can't just go on with life with this information. I have to do something." As I think, I lick my lips, which have become rather dry and cracked. My heart is pounding in all of my anger and now, panic. I can't believe he would do that to me. He wouldn't. Would he? "Blake," I warn. My voice comes out controlled, much to my relief. He purses his lips, taking another step away from me. He's tense, I can tell. It's not like I don't understand; it's tough information to comprehend. I just had hoped he would've taken it a little better and not threatened to turn me in. But really, even if he were to, it's not like he has any proof. And it was ten years ago. I would be okay. I would. Regardless, I can't let him tell anyone. I can't afford to take that chance. It was ten years ago, and they never caught me. I can't get caught now. My life would be ruined. Everything I've worked towards since the murders, me turning my life around, would be for nothing. I feel a little hurt, honestly. I trusted him, and he repays me by threatening to turn me in? My own brother? "You wouldn't really tell anyone, would you?" Blake looks at me evenly, but I can tell he's scared of me. I've seen that look before - never from Blake. But why? There's nothing to be scared of. How many times do I have to explain this to him? They were accidents . I'm not a mean person. I just do what I have to do. It's a little annoying that he just doesn't get it. "Noah, I have to." I tsk and shake my head. He's really edging towards my last nerve, which he doesn't want to do. "You don't. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." "Noah, I have to. I want to. I can't let you walk around a free man while I know what you did." He steps back again, and this time, I step towards him. I can't believe he would betray me like this. I can't have it happen. "Well, Blake, I'm sorry you feel that way," I say, my mind finally coming to a decision. It pains me a little, but it's what's necessary. I watch the fear light up his eyes as I step towards him again. I smile gently at him before I speak: "But I hope you'll understand what I have to do now."