text: The roar of laughter filled the small apartment, drowning out the music playing over the tiny speakers on the laptop. The seven men sat squeezed together in the living room, flanked by presents and drinks. There was extra room for them to sit at a more comfortable distance, but they chose to be squashed in tight. Knowing someone for decades made personal space norms a non-issue. “Who is number 5?” “Me,” said one of the men as he got up and straightened out his shirt. From behind, one of the friends got the attention of the rest and slapped him on the butt cheek. Laughter again silenced the music. “Hey hey now! I didn’t give you my consent!” the man said. More chuckles followed. Looking over the gifts the choice was obvious. One gift was wrapped in clippings of porn magazines... so far no one had dared to explore the contents within. Cheers and jeers rang out all around and in unison they are sang, “Porn present! Porn present!” The man sat back down in between his best friends, took a swig from his beer bottle and began to unwrap the gift. The crystal clarity of the vision began to tear apart at the edges and the image became steadily more and more blurry. This was always the worst part, he thought. The man screamed out in frustration, “No! No!” What was, merely seconds before, a warm, inviting room in Long Beach was now replaced with a new image; one of sadness. Hopelessness. Dirt. Stains. Trash. Steel bars on the window. The old man rubbed his eyes as the new reality settled. The party was over and only he remained. “Too fast!” he yelled at nobody in particular. The memorex drug was no longer what it used to be. The junkies around here couldn’t be trusted to make the pure kind. Or maybe his tolerance was too high. For the last 4 years, as his health deteriorated and his heart became weaker, he had been taking the drug every single day. He struggled out of the discolored bed and got to his feet. Slowly, he made his way to the kitchen counter, found the pills and twisted the top off of the container. 5 pills remained. He mumbled to himself, “What was in the present.. I.. need to remember..” Tears began to well up in his wrinkled eyes. “It was a knife, right? Or a survival book. I can’t remember... I don’t want to forget anymore.” He sobbed uncontrollably. The old man, with his hunched back and uneven feet, walked towards the bed. Already he could feel the new reality begin to set in. 5 pills was dangerous territory. There was no coming back, but as the walls and carpet began to deteriorate, he didn’t care. A small figure appeared before him. The gentle noise of a children’s cartoon played in the background. The past was the only thing that was real anymore. The little girl smiled at him. “Daddy! Daddy! Can you dance with me? I picked out a funny song!” His body made its final attempts to regain control, his breathing became labored, his heart slowed to a crawl... but his mind danced across the cosmos.