text: Quiet nights like this were pretty rare in this part of town. No sirens, no parties, no loud neighbors. For once Mike’s apartment was as tranquil as a Buddhist temple. He couldn’t wait to fall asleep, The bed, under all its blankets looked warm, and comfy in contrast to the icy chill of his bedroom. Perfect. But the peaceful night was interrupted with a bang. Complete terror overtook Mike. He had locked his bedroom door, and stood so quiet that the only sound he made was the uncontrollable thump of his heart beating. Somehow through the ruckus he tried to decipher what was happening in his small apartment. From what he could hear the front door had opened, and frantic footsteps traveled toward what seemed to be his bathroom. What followed next was pained retching, dry heaving, and a toilet flushing. If this was someone coming to steal from him, they were having a rough go at it. Besides, this “stranger” knew exactly where Mike’s bathroom was. It had to be someone he knew. Slowly Mike creaked open the bedroom door, and called out. “Hello?” There was no reply, only the sounds of echoed retching, and heavy breathing. Unsure of what to expect. Still unsure of who was in his home Mike prepared himself for whatever would come next. Cautiously, Mike creaked open the door to peer into the hallway. The bathroom light was on, and someone was definitely in there. At first Mike wondered if a stranger just really needed to use the bathroom, but unless he had forgotten to lock the front door it would have to be one of the three people who had a key. Mike had thought of the first person to come to mind who would be bold enough to invade his bathroom the way that they had. “Dill Pickle?” And as if saying the pet name willed him into existence, there he was. Mike’s Boyfriend Dylan. On his knees hovering around a toilet as if it had secret knowledge to give him. “Hey.” Dylan could only muster up those words, and in a soft tone as his energy was spent on spilling his guts. “What's going on?” Mike had knelt down near Dylan, and rubbed his back for comfort, but it didn’t seem to do much for the sick man. He must’ve just gotten off work. He was still clad in his paramedic uniform. “I think I’ll need a stronger dose.” Dylan spoke as if Mike knew what he was talking about, but Mike didn’t know that vomiting was a normal occurrence in his lover’s life. “Dose of what? Do you need me to run to Rite-aid?” Mike continued rubbing Dylan's back. “No, I have to talk to my doctor again. My stomach ulcers seem like they’re getting worse. I used to have them when I was young, but they weren’t like this.” Mike finally had a chance to speak after being forced to pray to the porcelain gods for the past few minutes. “You don’t think work stress is causing it?” Mike was finally able to look into Dylan’s eyes and only see shame as if he had failed himself. “I’ll be fine. I just have a few more shifts this week, and I’ll get my day off.” Dylan tried to assure Mike that he was okay, but Mike wasn’t buying it. The man’s eyes were heavy, and the fatigue that Dylan was feeling was palpable in the air. “Dill, you can’t keep on going like this, there’s no reason to.” Mike tried his best to console Dylan, but the man nudged him away and went back to puking into the toilet. Once Dylan was finished he took a breath, and spoke as if he just ran a sprint. “I won’t get better if I don’t improve. And I don’t want to mess up like that again.” Mike had felt that the worst of his episode was over so he allowed himself to sit on the floor with his back on the wall. “Mistakes happen Dill, and that was literally your first day.” Mike went to grab him a towel. The night after Dylan's first day was still fresh in his mind. It was the first time since being together that he had seen the rock in his life shed tears. But against the crashing waves of the sea all rocks can crack, and erode against its strength. “Mistakes happen?” Dylan shook his head “That guy died because of my mistakes. And on top of that I almost killed Mia.” Mike had remembered talking to Dylan’s coworker Mia on more than one occasion about how self critical Dylan could be while at work, and Mike had done all he could to try and ease his mind when mistakes like that happen. But when someone’s life is on the line, it's hard to dismiss the value of mistakes. Every second mattered when it was someone's life was in your hands, and mistakes shortened that time. “And when’s the last time you took a risk like that when you’re driving?” Dylan was quiet for a moment before looking back at Mike, and shaking his head. “That’s right, you don’t do that shit anymore. And in a funny way because that guy died, he ended up saving just as many people as you have.” Dylan just shook his head. “But how long will it be before my Ulcers makes me fuck up? If they find out how bad it gets, they’ll think I’m too weak to work, and they mi-“ and like a surge of inspiration Dylan went from sitting to back on his knees, over the toilet, dry heaving, and in pain. “You need water Dill!” Mike darted quickly into the kitchen and came back with a cup of water. Mike set it beside Dylan while he finished leaning on the toilet bowl, and took a sip afterward. “I’ll be better after this week I swear.” Dylan tried to reassure him, but Mike only shook his head. “You’ll never be content this way... There’s nothing you can do about it now except learn from it.” Dylan’s vomiting had finally subsided enough to where he could think about what Mike was saying to him. He took a sip of the water Mike had brought, and spoke. “People need me. And I just can’t let them down.” “And I need you too, but for different reasons. I just want you to be okay, and get home safe and healthy. You aren’t weak or less of a man because you need the day off sometimes. Your body is telling you to take it easy, and you’re ignoring it.” The two were silent for a while, partially to wait out and see if Dylan’s stomach had anything else left to say, and partially for Dylan to contemplate his lover’s words. Finally Dylan spoke. “Sorry for barging in and ruining your night Mikey...” Dylan’s eyes held dark circles over them. But Mike just scoffed at his apology. “One of the best people in my life came over, had a deep chat with me, and’ll cuddle me tonight. I’m actually kinda happy you got sick.” The two men chuckled and a wave of ease fell over the both of them. Dylan was still a bit weak, but luckily Mike had some medicine hidden away that would settle his stomach down for the night, and after a while the night found its peace once more, and Dylan with Mike’s help was ushered to bed with a bucket in his free hand just in case.