text: Once upon a time, there was a man that smelled like candy cane. He hated it. He doesn’t know why he smelled like candy cane. He doesn’t even like candy cane. When he was a young child, he remembered his father smelling like chocolate all the time. His father hated chocolate. He would never go near one. Maybe he had the same candy-smelling body odor problem. Some people may ask what’s wrong with smelling like candy cane. There are perks to smelling like candy cane. Everywhere the man went, people were nice to him since his scent brightened their mood. Sometimes women would flirt with him. The downside is everything else. Everything he touched magically smelled like candy cane. His entire house reeked of it. Old ladies would walk by his house and always asked him if he was baking something. He would tell them with a disgruntled look on his face, “No. I hate baking.” Another downside was every time he walked home, animals followed him. He couldn’t go into the woods without wearing his uncomfortable scent-proof clothing. He also smeared his face with a thick, dark, slimy substance that he bought from some shady website online. The website claimed that the yucky substance was animal-proof by being odor-proof. It’s the only way he can keep the animals from following him. Every time he wiped the substance off his face, it left a residue that looked like he went coal mining. When everyone could recognize his scent, they started calling him the candy cane man. It was embarrassing. He tried everything under the sun to remove the smell. He talked to many doctors about it but they all recommended for him to remove all the skin on his body and grow it back. He tried that and the smell remained. The more scrubbing, the stronger the candy cane. He tried bathing in vinegar. Nothing. He tried rubbing rotten eggs on his body but the candy cane smell was too strong. He tried to not bathing for a year. He ended up smelling like death wrapped with candy cane. As he aged, the smell got stronger. By the time he turned 50, the candy cane man learned to accept that he will forever smell like candy cane. He will forever have old ladies walk by his home to ask him what he was baking. He will forever have random animals follow him home. He will forever have random children constantly ask him if he had candy. If he said no to those children, some of them would kick him in the knee and run. It follows him in his sleep. On his 65th birthday, he wished to turn into a candy cane. He thought if he became one, life will be a hell of a lot simpler. Unfortunately, that never happened. The scent of the candy cane man grew so pungent, he smelled up the entire Northern Hemisphere. The atmosphere smelled like Christmas every day. Several scientists that studied him say that by the time he turns 100, the entire Earth would smell like him. Be prepared when that day comes.