text: Layla brushed her fingertips over the photo on her corkboard and smiled. Her corkboard, like most teenagers, was covered in photos, admissions tickets, anything that added to the collection of memories that made her happy. Images of beach days, silly faces, family, friends, and nature-filled the board. But only memories with one person mattered the most to her. When she looked at the board and saw memories with her best friend Jake, her heart did a flip-flop. Jake had crawled his way into her heart from being a shy nobody to her best friend in just a matter of three years. Jake had become the person she wanted to spend all her time with, the shoulder she could cry on, the heart she could confide in. He protected her and she kept him in check. In Layla’s head, none of that would change if they became.... more. Layla’s ideal relationship was dating your best friend, dating the person that made you laugh, the person that you could be yourself with, the person who challenged your beliefs and made you be a better version of herself. That person was Jake. There had been countless people who asked if they were dating, including their parents. Everyone was always shocked when they heard Layla and Jake weren’t in fact dating. Layla’s phone rang, making her jerk her hands from her corkboard. Glancing at the screen, she saw it was Shelby, Jake’s mom. “Hi Shelby,” Layla said cheerfully as she answered the phone. “Layla!” Shelby sounded panicked. Layla immediately became alert and tense. “Shelby, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you ok?” There was a brief pause. Layla’s heart raced. Somehow in her gut, she knew what Shelby was about to tell her was going to be very bad. Nothing could prepare her for the words that came out of Shelby’s mouth next. “It’s Jake. He’s been in an accident.” o.O.o The next hours were a blur. Layla and her mom had rushed to the hospital and met Jake’s family in the waiting room. No one had spoken much. They sat in tense silence for the better part of three hours. Layla hadn’t been able to sit still; either she had been pacing or her leg was bouncing. Jake’s brother, Luke, had been doing the same. He occasionally threw her a brief grim smile. She knew that her worry was nothing compared to what Jake’s family was feeling, but she couldn’t stop the pit in her stomach from growing. The waiting room was a dreadful place. People literally waited to hear life-altering news in these semi-comfortable chairs surrounded by people who were either worried, crying or pacing. Even if someone was there for good news, like childbirth, the anxiety of those waiting for bad news made one question and doubt their own news. When Layla and her mom had gotten to the hospital, Shelby had filled them in on the accident. According to the paramedics, Jake had been walking through an intersection when a car had come hurtling through a stop sign and had hit Jake. He had been mostly out of the way of the car, so he didn’t receive the brunt of the force from the car, but he had still been thrown several feet and hit his head badly. He had been rushed to get tests done and then to get stabilized. He hadn’t needed surgery at the moment but the doctors had put him in the ICU to recover and see his progress. The doctor had come out with an update, but nothing had really changed since the last time she had come out. Shelby urged Layla and her mom to go home. Layla had protested, insisting they stay. But after many reassurances that Shelby would call as soon as anything changed or Jake was allowed visitors, Layla and her mom drove home. Layla spent the next few days preparing a care package for Jake and calling Shelby for updates. Anything to keep her mind preoccupied from worrying. She used an old box and filled it with all of Jake’s favorite snacks, some books and magazines to read while in recovery, joggers, socks, and a few other things that she thought he would like. Layla also added some photos of her and Jake. There was one of them at the beach making faces, one of them biking, one of them at their friend Maya’s sweet sixteen. Layla hesitated to add the strip of them in a photo booth at a carnival since it was her favorite. She and Jake had each gotten one but Jake had almost immediately lost his copy. After stuffing a quick ‘get well idiot’ card into the box, she sealed it and set it aside to bring when she went to visit him. Layla couldn’t even begin to think of what might happen if Jake wasn’t okay. There were so many things she still wanted to do and had to say. Even though it was no one’s fault, if she never told Jake how she felt, she would regret that for the rest of her life. Shelby’s call came three days after the accident. “Hi Shelby, any updates?” Layla said as she picked up the phone. “Yes, actually. Jake is awake and doing well. He can take visitors now. But I need to --” “He can? That’s great! I’m heading over right now!” Layla interrupted. “Layla wait before you come, I need to warn you, Jake’s memory isn’t the same,” Layla paused, her hand on her purse and her foot halfway out the door. “What do you mean, his memory isn’t the same? What’s wrong with it?” she asked, worry lacing her voice. Shelby took a breath before answering. “The doctors say he has retrograde amnesia,” Layla remembered learning about retrograde amnesia briefly in her psych class junior year. “So how far back can he not remember?” “The doctors aren’t sure how much he can’t remember. He remembers us, obviously, but he can’t remember anything he’s done for the last couple of months. Whether his lack of memory goes back even further hasn’t been tested yet.” Shelby responded. Layla hesitated, thoughts racing through her head. She dreaded to know the answer to her question. “I’m sure he remembers you, Layla. You’re a big part of his life. I can’t imagine that he could easily forget you,” Shelby affirmed, almost as if she had read Layla’s thoughts. After a moment, Layla said, “Sure, you’re probably right,” Her stomach clenched when she said this. o.O.o The drive to the hospital was only 15 minutes, but it felt much longer than that. Layla shuffled through her music-- an attempt to drown out the relentless cloud of doubt swirling through her head. Layla parked the car a few rows from the entrance and sat back in the seat. She closed her eyes and forced herself to take a few deep breaths. Jake is ok! He got through the worst part! And he does remember you! Stop worrying! She met Shelby on the third floor, the rest of the family was in the room with Jake. Upon seeing Shelby, Layla embraced her in a big hug. “How have you been, with everything?” Layla asked when they had released each other. Shelby sighed. Purple shadowed her eyes and her hair looked mildly disheveled. “We’ve been ok. Been better,” she gave a half-smile. “I brought you coffee,” Layla said, handing the cup in her hand to Shelby. “I’m sure the hospital coffee is good but Starbucks is always better,” Shelby took a sip and smiled. “Thank you, Layla,” Layla glanced around the hall. “Which room is Jake in?” “I’ll show you.” Shelby led Layla down the hall and pushed open a door that was half-closed. Layla’s eyes fell on Jake in the center of the room. He looked like he had just woken up with his hair floppy and messy. He had gauze wrapped around his head, but he looked fine otherwise. Layla’s stomach did a flip-flop and her heart started beating a little faster. Luke was standing by the window and Jake’s dad was sitting in the chair next to the bed. “Hi, Layla,” Jake’s dad greeted her. He got up from the chair and walked to her. “Hi Mr. Carter,” Layla said as she gave him a hug. “Hey, Luke,” she said over his shoulder. “Hey,” Luke nodded at her. After a moment of greetings and formalities, Shelby ushered Luke and his dad out to give Layla and Jake some time. At last, she and Jake were alone. “Hey Jake,” she said softly, slowly taking in Jake. “Hi,” he said after a moment, assessing her from head to toe. Relief flooded through her body. He did remember her. Jake would have said something if he didn’t. Feeling lighter, Layla gently lowered herself into the chair Mr. Carter had occupied. She wanted to brush the hair that had fallen into his face away but refrained from doing so. Layla had never been nervous around Jake before, so why was she anxious now? Why did things feel awkward between them? “You really scared me, you know? When your mom called me telling me you were in an accident, I was scared your idiocy had finally caught up to you,” Layla chuckled. Jake smiled at that. “How do you feel?” Layla asked, relaxing a little. Jake had a beautiful smile. Jake shrugged a little. “My head hurts a lot. I don’t really remember the accident all that much. I also have been eating hospital food, which sucks,” Layla reached down and pulled up the box she had made. “Well, my dear Jakey, I brought you some stuff that might help with that,” She handed him the box and watched as he looked through it. Jake examined the books and magazines, commenting on how he hadn’t read them yet. There was something different about Jake, but Layla wrote it off to the accident. He seemed.... Distant almost. More aloof. Layla was sure his mood change once he was out of the hospital. “Thank you, um, this is great!” Jake’s smile faltered a little. “I added in some photos of us. I even gave you my copy of the photobooth strip,” Layla pointed to the envelope. Jake looked confused before saying, “Oh, thanks,” Layla’s throat tightened a little. “You don’t remember?” she asked, trying to contain the hurt from showing. “You lost your strip almost as soon as we got home from the party?” Jake didn’t respond. “Jake?” she said quietly, heart-pumping loudly in her ears. Jake closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For what...?” Layla asked. There was a growing pit in her stomach. She refused to acknowledge what she thought was about to happen. “I don’t remember,” Jake said quietly. He avoided her gaze. “Don’t remember what, the carnival? That’s ok,” Layla tried to smile. She wanted to catch his gaze, but he steadily avoided it. “I’ll help you remember some of the memories,” she said, desperate to make light of the situation. Jake had closed his eyes again. “I don’t remember you, ” his words were barely audible. The air whooshed out of Layla’s lungs. She felt the pressure building behind her eyes and her throat tightening. She could live without dating Jake, but he was her best friend. She had lost the one person in the world who had known her best. The one person that knew everything about her, that would laugh with and at her. All the memories, the secrets, the tears, the laughs they had, gone. Layla’s heart ached in her chest. “I thought that if I pretended long enough, I would be able to start remembering. I really didn’t want to hurt you, because you clearly meant a lot to me in the past,” Jake explained. Sinking. Sinking. Sinking. That’s what Layla felt like was happening. She couldn’t pull herself up. Each time she grabbed onto a memory, it pulled away from her further and further. Jake was saying something but Layla couldn’t focus on it. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” Layla sat up abruptly. She all but ran out of the room. He doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t remember me. Those three words clanged through her head over and over as she rushed out of the room. Layla couldn’t think of anything but beating the tears and heartache to her car. She knew eventually she would reconcile with Jake, tell him about the adventures and memories they had. She knew she would explain each photo and the story behind every one. But right now, all she could do was grieve. How was she supposed to move on from this? He doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t remember me.