text: Well, since you asked me how I got that strange, terrifying, statue outside my house. I believe I can answer that question. It began, eight years ago, when I took up residence in a large cottage, that lay just outside the woods, and was a good five minute walk from the town. When I moved in, I decided to try and set up a strawberry patch in the woods, for I wanted to grow my own fruit, instead of paying far too much for store bought rubbish. So, I began digging and preparing land for the upcoming spring, when I caught sight of something in the distance. It looked like a large hairless man, crouched on all fours like a wolf, or perhaps a dog. It looked to be about a mile from my home, and it was staring at me. "Begone strange creature" I yelled at the beast "Don't you know this land is private property" I said, pointing at the sign that stated that these parts of the woods were my private property. The creature was unmoving. "Come on now" I said, picking up my rake and pointing it at the creature that was quite far away "Go away" After twenty more minutes of trying to coerce the monster off my land, I sighed, put down my rake, and returned to my home. As I ate my dinner, I had the sudden urge to look out of the window. I opened the blinds and checked for the creature. There it was, same position, same place, same glaring expression. Unnerved, I retired to my bedroom where I had a happy time browsing the strange website known as Reddit. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to inspect the creature. I walked through the trees, ignoring the strange notes, pages, and various carvings of eyes, monsters, and a tall man in a suit, I caught sight of it. I picked up a stick and began poking the still creature. It screeched but still did not move. I checked behind it and saw that it had appeared to have moved a quarter of a mile in the night. I opened it's jaw and checked it's teeth, they were covered in strawberry juice, as well as it's claws. It's skin was leathery and it's eyes were fierce and terrifying. I decided it was a statue being used as a prank, and took out a pin, a pen, and a piece of paper, and scribbled a strongly worded not asking the perpetrators to remove the statue, and then pinned it to the back of the creature. I saw the eyes grow wide and water begin to well up in it's sight spheres. I tutted at the animatronic as I now presumed, and returned to work on my strawberry patch. However, after an accident with a time warp, I instead woke up two days later and decided, out of interest, I opened the window. The statue was now right outside the strawberry patch, and about fifty metres from my house. I strutted up to the creature, noting the note still sticking out of it's skin, and the monster was no longer still. "Well" I told it "If you want to have strawberries, your going to have to work to get them" I handed it a rake, and pointed at the leaves around my allotment "Now rake and harvest my strawberries!" I yelled, and began to walk away. When I looked outside during lunch, I saw the raking creature raking and harvesting. "Good Raking Creature" I called "Bring in some strawberries!" The raking creature raised it's head, put down the rake, and began picking the strawberries and putting them into a basket, before bounding to my house. The door slammed open and it joined me at the table. It slammed down the basket, and began devouring the strawberries. "You idiot!" I yelled "You've eaten them all! Now there's no seeds left and no strawberries!" The creature looked me in the eyes. They were red like the strawberry juice that was now on my table. It stared, before it growled. It stepped outside and went back into the woods. I was eating my dinner but a few hours later when suddenly the raking creature slammed against the window. I let out a scream and leapt to the front door and into my car. As I drove, the woods were to the right of me, and I could see something moving among the trees. I drove for ten minutes before I reached my destination. I had passed this shop many times before, but now I would finally enter. The shop was known as Dawes' Witchcraft Emporium, and it looked as if it were an antiques shop filled with wizards tools. I threw myself out of the car and into the shop. I was met by a child wearing a pair of spectacles, a school uniform, and robes that were far too long with stars on. He stared at me, I stared back. "Do you own this shop child?" I asked the child "No, I'm just looking after it while everyone else is at sainsburys" he replied "The names Harry" "Do you have anything that could get rid of a raking creature?" I asked him "Of course we do, shall I get you a medium sized wand with a twelve M crystal" "Yes, that should do just fine" "How about a cauldron?" "What?" "A cauldron, mix up some potions, enchantments, other things" "I'll take them!" I yelled The boy handed me a large heavy box that showed a cauldron and a load of potions, that read ***'Cauldron Starter Set'***, and was very heavy. He also handed me a beautiful wand with a large glowing purple crystal on the end. He scanned the items. "That will be $369.98" He told me. I handed him my credit card and payed for the items before returning to my car. I placed the cauldron in the back with the large oddly familiar statue in the back. I sat in the driver’s seat, and began the drive back home. As I looked in the rear-view mirror, I realised the Raking Creature was in my cars back seat. I screamed and pulled over and ran into the woods clutching the wand. I ran past various notes, scrawlings, and other various pages, until I eventually ran headfirst into a tall man in a suit with no face. “Oh, hello there” I said as my vision turned to static and I blacked out. When I awoke, it was night time. My head hurt, and there was a raking creature slobbering over me. “I told you!” I yelled “You ate all the strawberries!” I scrabbled for the wand the child in the store had given me and found it. I lifted it with both hands. “Anti-Raking-Creature-Blast!” I yelled at it. Nothing happened. As I ran through the undergrowth, the raking creature on my heels, I looked over the wand and saw a sticker on one part. ***‘Requires registered spells contained within the magical spell cloud book. Not Included’*** ‘Damn’ I thought. And then I saw it, in the distance, the shop! I ran across the road, nearly getting both me and the creature run over by a car. I banged on the windows and opened the door. The creature was prevented from entering within a radius of five metres of the shop. The boy was waiting for me behind the till. “I suppose you will be wanting the spell cloud book” “What does the cloud part mean?” “It updates whenever someone makes a new spell. A new page magically appears on every copy” “Oh, well I’ll take it!” “That’ll be $79.99” I paid the child, and confronted the creature outside the store. I opened the 2793 page book to the table of contents, and tried to find a total obliteration spell. There wasn’t one. Then I saw it, magical force field, protects you and an area of your choice from any form of attack. I tapped on the title and the book turned to the page I wanted. I cast it. The creature leapt at me the moment I left the vicinity of the store. It bounced off as if I was a living bouncy castle. I began running until I finally got to my house and cast it again. The creature stood on the outside, ever watching, ever growling. Many people tried to mug and stab me, calling me a freak or a demon. And outside my house, the monster still growled. I grew annoyed of this and so I used a spell to turn it into a statue and left it outside my house as a warning. Next to it I put a sign.