text: I know my writing is what it is but know I have edited and reedited it ad nauseum. If nothing else, I think it is at a point where I can present it without too much embarrassment on my part. Well, I hope so at least! In any event, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (Roughly 900 words) \- - - A short heavyset man in a painfully colorful suit, pants, and flat-topped hat stands before you on a wooden crate. Your eyes happen to meet and he gestures for you to approach. Looking around the market you don't see anyone else nearby, so he must be waving at you. With nothing better to do at the moment, you shrug to yourself and walk towards the funny man on the crate. As you approach, he pinches the left side of his long thin handlebar mustache that curls up at the end, as if to check it was still there. Looking down at you he smiles broadly as he begins to speak to you in a salesman's voice, "Hello and welcome friend! I bid just a moment of your time to tell you of a magical place. Yes yes, a land like no other! The Sword Coast, as it is sometimes called, is filled with marvels that surpass anything this kingdom has to offer. There are pristine beaches with sapphire blue seas, majestic mountains, untamed forests, and grasslands as wide as the sky. A cleaver one, much like yourself, will no doubt find grand adventure waiting for you. “Ah,” he sighs, “The excitement of rescuing a prince or princess, of defeating an evil dragon or two, or of helping the natives win back their peace and prosperity. Heroes work needs to be getting done and you, my friend,” he pauses as he looks you over from bottom to top, "You are just the sort of hero the Sword Coast needs. "Yes yes! That's right! All that and so much more awaits you and, well..." He looks around conspiratorially, as if to make sure no one else is listening. Using his hand, he beckons you to come closer. As you step forward, he bends over and cups his right hand to his mouth and quietly says, "Treasure. Yes, friend, there is treasure beyond your wildest dreams. It veritably litters the ground!" he exclaims in a rising voice. "It is just waiting for someone, yes, well, someone exactly like you to come along and pick it all up!" He stands back up, straightens his shirt, coughs once, and then shoos you back a step. As you step back, he again pinches his mustache. This time, however, he slides his fingers down the length of it. It uncurls and straightens out as if fingers reach the end of it. As soon as his fingers slide off the end it curls back up as it bounces a few times before coming to rest exactly where it started. Taking a deep breath, he begins speaking again with his large smile returning to his face. You continue listening to him but notice something has changed. His smile has grown inhumanly large. It stretches across the entirety of his face now. More disturbingly, as you look closer, you see that his teeth have grown longer and more angular than you remember them to be. "So, what do you say friend? Interested? Curious? Ready to begin? Quite right! Yes, yes, certainly you are!" he answers for you. "What are we waiting for? LET US BEGIN!" he roars as he arches his back and extends his arms out wide, looking up towards the bright blue sky, smile still plastered across his face. He holds the pose for an uncomfortably long time before he slumps forward and lowers his arms. Taking another deep breath, he collects himself and begins speaking again, "To start your journey it takes but a single step. Yes, a step, and your name, and of course the 20 golden crowns fee. Let us not forget that part!" he chuckles. As you turn to leave, fed up with this ridiculousness, a flash of near blinding red light pulses out from his left hand. You whip your head back towards the man, ready to fight off an attack but find nothing waiting for you except a scroll comfortably resting in his palm. He holds the scroll up by the top bar and allows it to unroll down and off of his hand. Getting your first look at what the scroll contains, you see what must be thousands of tiny but orderly lines of text. You lean forward to look it over but try as you might you cannot read what the tiny lines say. You rub your chin, wondering about the contents of the scroll, when another pulse of red light flashes out, but this time from his right hand. You look over to find an overly large writing quill topped by a feather that ripples with iridescent colors pinched between his fingers. He stretches his arms out towards you and offers you the quill. "Just sign your name here, here and here." he says as he points to three blank spots on the scroll. "Once you have done that, and paid me my fee of course, we can get started. Yes, my new friend, let us begin!" His smile grows even broader while his teeth seem to further sharpen and gleam in the hot summer’s light.