text: “C’mon!” Landon said with that cheeky smile of his. “You gotta try this!” He continued as he presented a tiny roach, lit and ashy on one end and a rolled up piece of cardboard ripped from a cigarette pack on the other. “No thanks, man!” Daniel protested as he pushed Landon’s offering away. “More for me!” exclaimed Landon and he took another toke. There was something picturesque about Landon, every time he pursed his lips just so to inhale from such a tiny roach. Standing, thin and lanky at around 6’4”, blond hair - stark blue eyes; the kind of blue like the sheets of ice when huge bodies of water would freeze over in the winter. Sheets of ice with depth beyond any unit of measurement. He had the kind of gaze that you could lose yourself in, if ever he spoke passionately about anything to you. The way he gently cradled between his thumb and his index finger the burning piece of rolled paper to his pursed lips like some giant gently kissing his index finger and thumb with each inhale. Daniel, quite the opposite, brown hair brown eyes, fair skin. He stood somewhat shorter than Landon at 5’11”. “Not too tall and not too short”, he would often think. “Just the way the ladies like!” he would often say to reassure himself. He pulled his hand back from pushing Landon’s offering away and quickly tucked them under his arms as he faced his childhood friend in the winter’s cold. Together, they stood on this little hill, in a small park that was nestled between both their homes in suburban, Thornhill, Ontario. Many folks have visited and have heard of Toronto, Ontario with its stunning skyline and bustling city life. Not as many know its northern neighbor, Thornhill, just about a 45 minute drive north of the city. It has its bustling moments, too. Whether that is a good thing or not, that is for each person to decide. “Life is what you make of it,” Landon started. He could see that look in Daniel’s eyes. The times when the brown in Daniel’s eyes would turn itself to a dark kind of dark-gray. For it was in moments like these Landon could always tell that trouble was on Daniel’s mind. “You gotta forget her, man... she isn’t worth your heartache...” Landon continued as he put out his roach and tossed it to the ground, he kept walking ahead of Daniel. Daniel looked as though he was just about to speak, but instead he let out a slow sigh. Only a few steps behind Landon, Daniel ruffled his jacket’s breast pockets until he found his cigarette pack, the pack from which the filter of the joint was ripped from and opened it. It was his last cigarette, standing head first with its tail in the air. He was down to his “lucky” cigarette, the last of the pack. He drew his filter tipped friend to his lips and lit it. It was as if Landon’s super-sonic hearing could hear the lighter being flicked on; just as Daniel was about to inhale Landon snatched the cigarette from Daniel’s lips, threw it to the ground and squashed into the dirt with his boots. “So, not cool!” Daniel exclaimed. He was used to Landon’s antics by now, he couldn’t even say he was surprised that Landon did what he did. He had tried to wait until Landon was walking far enough ahead, even before lighting the damn thing; and to think he could even get a single inhale of that smoke into his lungs. “You gotta do what moves you, man” Landon said with his soulful gaze. “This, my friend ... “ Landon paused, “isn’t it”. “I guess you are right ...” Daniel sighed. It was his LAST cigarette. Now all he could think about was buying his next pack. “Do what moves, ya, brother” Landon said as he swung his arm around Daniel’s shoulder. They continued to walk away from the park and in the direction of Landon’s basement apartment, the next street over. For Landon, any action or movement, bustling or not was great news. “It means that you are alive!” he would say often to those within earshot. Daniel had quite the different interpretation of life. Each movement had to be purposeful and deliberate. He didn’t believe in fate or coincidences. He believed that each person reaped exactly what they sowed and that life was always fair - if you don’t have it, it means that you never earned it and that was the cold hard truth. Life was just that cut and dry, no “ifs”, “ands” or “buts”, what is, is and there was nothing more to it. As they approached the entrance to Landon’s basement apartment, Landon searched for his keys. He could tell that something was on Daniel’s mind. “A penny for your thoughts?” he asked. “Who says that anymore?” Daniel barked back following Landon into his apartment. “Fine, what’s on your mind?” Landon asked. Daniel let out another huge sigh. “Fine,” Landon began. “You won’t talk ... let the music talk for you!” Landon said walking past these huge speakers he had on stands and sub woofers he had tucked just underneath mixing boards and sound decks. His whole basement apartment was this elaborate set up machines and microphones and wires upon wires all bundled and crossed, but each one still connected with a purpose. Landon went to the back of the room where his fancy sound mixing equipment was and beside it was a small bar fridge. He popped it opened and took out a beer and tossed it to Daniel. Landon took a beer for himself and turned on his computer and waited for it to load. He could see the pain Daniel’s eyes. He raised his beer, “to love” he bellowed doing his best impression of a clumsy drunk trying to squeeze a smile out of Daniel. Daniel raised his glass. “To finding the perfect woman ... one day!” Landon exclaimed. Daniel raised his glass as he caught his reflection in Landon’s full-length mirror. Maybe... just maybe he thought to himself, one day he could find a version of himself that needn’t so much reassuring. “To the perfect woman,” he echoed listlessly. Something just wasn’t sitting right. Silence filled the room as the two boys pounded back their beers. Landon clicking at the keys on his keyboard and occasionally fumbling with the mixing deck beside it. Daniel sat there in the middle of Landon’s studio on a massive beanbag just staring at his reflection. He started to wonder why it was so hard for him to find happiness the way Landon expressed it. Not that there was any competition between the two boys to find happiness. Daniel just wondered why it was so hard for him. Suddenly, with the music on, Daniel shifted his gaze from the reflection of himself over to a now shirtless Landon who has worked up a sweat dancing behind his sound mixing equipment and a huge computer with the screen on and a bunch of mixing software opened. Landon, with only his toque and boxer shorts on, broke the silence by reaching behind and grabbing two more beers, and tossed another one to Daniel, “drink up!” he said as held his headphones to the side of his head, over one ear the way that some DJs do in night clubs that you see on movies and in TV. The music seemed to have brought Daniel into a trance of some kind, he sat there motionless with his beer to his lips, not drinking but staring at Landon in his zone. “You really have to try this, one day” Landon spoke hoping to cut the silence and the sheer focus of Daniel’s gaze. “Making custom mastering chains is one of the best hobbies you could ever have, man!” Landon began again. “Dude, you know how you are a writer?” he asked. Daniel nodded. “Well this is a thousand times better than anything you can write, just come here” he said motioning his head to beckon Daniel. Daniel reluctantly got up from the massive beanbag, which he had been accustomed to and dragged his feet over to where Landon was standing. “Imagine this, brother” Landon said as he stood behind Daniel, lifting his arm as if he was painting a sunset horizon so Daniel could see. “Imagine all the feelings that words can’t explain coming out in rhythm and rhyme that just moves you.” Landon paused to lean his face over Daniel’s shoulder and whispered into his ear, “it breathes life into you, man!” Landon took Daniel by the shoulders and pointed him to the screen, directly in front of the switchboard of sound equipment. “It’s real easy, just play around with these bottons here,” he said motioning his curser over the computer’s animated sound deck. It could have been the beers, it could have been the feelings that were eating away inside, Daniel finally decided to let it all go as he took the mouse from Landon’s hand he began to drag and click as if he knew what it was that he was doing. He pretended for once that life needn’t to be so calculated and so formulaic. For the first time he moved without purpose and his head began to bop to this unfamiliar rhythm he began creating. “What are these here?” Daniel asked staring ahead into the screen with Landon still standing closely behind him. So close, he could feel Landon’s breath on his neck as Landon replied, “These are a series of effects and plug-ins used in digital audio workstations to produce music that allow you to mix your track within the same program without having to go to a studio. For example ...” Landon then snatched the mouse from Daniel and hovered it over to the other buttons on in a different window. A beat of a different sound began to play. “Basically, it’s pre-mastering before you go into a studio and lay things down on an analog mixing deck...” Landon explained. “So you’re making beats?” Daniel asked, not knowing if it was a dumb question or not. “Yeah, exactly” Landon began to explain, “but also taking projects from scratch and equalizing and mixing them correctly so they’re ready to go in a proper studio...” With Daniel still between him and the sound equipment and keyboard, Landon continued to slide the mouse to and from pushing various coloured buttons as well as using his middle and index fingers dragging sound switches up and down on the real life mixing board in front of them both. Daniel stood there and was for a moment lost, it could have been the beers, or it could have been the beats, but something held his gaze as he watched Landon hand dance over the switches of the sound deck. Landon’s fingers and hands just almost fluttering as he pushed some buttons going up and others going down, with a gentle tap to keep time in between. It was as if the dance that Landon’s hands did on this machine was just radiating these trance-like vibrations. Something that Daniel knew of but never felt before. Daniel turned back and grabbed Landon’s shoulder, almost surprising Landon only to smile and say, “I need another beer, man!” as he bee-lined to the bar fridge for another beer. This time he took one for himself and he gave one to Landon. Landon took the beer and smiled. They cracked their beers and made a toast, “to finding the perfect love!” Landon bellowed. Daniel raised his beer with an expression he could not quite squeeze into words, “the perfect love...” he echoed, unenthusiastically. Then Daniel, feeling the heat of the music and dancing took off his shirt and slid right between the sound deck and Landon again, only to resume what they were doing before. Soon the two boys were making music and dancing closely together, Landon moving the mouse on the computer screen to make the different beats and sounds pop as Daniel slid the buttons on the sound deck back and forth to learn of each different echo and rhythm as it sped up and slowed down. The music continued and so did Landon, finally breaking the speaking silence, “So really it’s like your own custom touch,” Landon pointed out trying to speak over the loudness of the rhythm and beats that was being created. “... and you add to the piece what you consider to be the final version you want to have before it’s finally out of your hands!” “Oh?” Daniel commented, trying to do two things at once. Landon, feeling that he finally got Daniel’s mind off of whatever love trouble had befuddled him before, continued proudly, “I’ve been working on a new EP actually that’s mainly melodic house / acid techno actually...” Daniel still lost in his own stare, just gazing at the sound board and bewildered at the music it produced. Although intrigued, Daniel for once was neither here nor there. Daniel, although feeling the rhythm the music around him was just lost. For the first time, he started to feel the impulse in his body and how it began to move him. The more he moved and flowed with the bottons and switches in front of him without thought, the more the music spoke what was in his mind and his heart, all the things that the words of a writer could never say, the music seemed to have the courage to not just say, but shout. “I could send it your way... It uses this mastering chain as well.” Landon offered. “Send what?” Daniel turned his head to the side and barked over the music that was being created, his thoughts were jumbled and mixed up again. Landon, sensing that his friend had gone far enough into his state of lost love, grabbed Daniel by the shoulders and turned him around. Now the two boys stood facing one another shirtless with the chains that were just mastered on this rhythmic repeat just pumping what seemed to be this endless flow of rhythm and adrenaline. Landon grabbed Daniel’s arms on either side as if he was ready to shake him and passionately spoke, “Whoever this girl is, whoever broke your heart and did this to you... man! You gotta rise above it! Use the rhythm this music is making and dance away from it. You are stronger than that, you deserve better than that! Snap out of it!” Landon shouted over the sounds of the bass and treble being blasted from the speakers and subwoofers. Soon the beats began to double in their time and the speed of which the music flowed began to hurry and hasten; quicker and quicker like the beats created were racing to finish the song. Daniel, still frozen between Landon’s grasp, turned away. He just couldn’t bare to get lost in Landon’s eyes again, not here, not now. Not with this sped-up electronic pounding of unfamiliar sounds, just pulsating not only from the speakers and subwoofers but from inside his chest. “SNAP OUT OF IT!” Landon yelled over the rhythmic pounding of their newest creation, shaking Daniel. At that moment, just as the music playing reached it’s peak; Daniel broke free from Landon’s grasp on either side. “It’s not that easy man! It’s not what you think!” Daniel exclaimed. The music stopped. “Of course, it’s NOT what I think, Daniel... I don’t THINK the way you do! Obsessing and calculating over every single, minute detail, every thought and rationing every move. I just live, Daniel. That is what YOU need to learn to do!” Landon argued, trying to bring some sense into Daniel. “Where is the Daniel I used to know?” Landon asked. “What happened to the ‘happy-go-lucky’ Daniel who lived? You used to be so happy man, what happened?” There was a long pause and awkward silence as the two boys now stood face to face behind the mixing deck and in front of the bar fridge. Daniel turned to the fridge to open it, hoping to find another beer to break the tension and silence all at once. He crouched down and opened the fridge door to an empty fridge, and he looked up and Landon who resumed mixing and playing music, starting another piece. Landon smiled and looked over, “it’s your turn to get more beer, bruh...” his voice trailed off. Daniel paused and thought for a moment and shook his head, he quickly stood up and dragged his feet to stand between the mixing deck and Landon again leaning over to press new buttons and move some new swtiches. The music started to play again, this time a beat different from the last, with feelings emerging that was different from before. With Daniel between where he was standing and the mixing board, Landon hovered his head over Daniel’s shoulder, he whispered and asked, “so, tell me... Daniel, who do I need to hunt down? Who broke your heart? Tell me ...” For Landon, any answer would have pleased him. It would have been one word closer to the truth to what was hurting his friend. Daniel, who at that moment, caught his reflection in another mirror Landon had hanging on the wall across the studio had began to wonder. As Daniel stood there shirtless, next Landon, he thought if each movement leading to this very second in time was truly purposeful and deliberate, and if there really was no such thing as fate or coincidences ... maybe now is the time to say what the music couldn’t. “C’mon, man...” Landon leaned in and ask again, at the same time pumping out a rhythm to a different beat. “Whose on your mind? Tell me ...”. The music once again hastened, this time it made Daniel’s heart race as he finally answered, “it’s you.”