text: Thoko helped to carry some of the chicks that were failing to climb up the ladder of their home. Once they were safe inside the pen, she closed it and picked up her handbag that she had abandoned when she saw the struggling chicks. "Mum, you are home!" Thoko looked up and saw her five year old son running to her. She opened her arms in time to catch him and they embraced briefly. Her son offered to carry her handbag inside the house and so they walked gingerly together while the boy explained happily his adventures of the day. Upon entering the house, the mother of four gasped when she saw how untidy and dirty the house was. Angrily, Thoko called out the names of her children who walked out of their rooms to see why their mother called. "How many times do I have to tell you to clean the house before I and your father come home? You are big enough to clean after yourselves!" "But mum, I'm tired. Why can't Dalitso and Sara help me mop or clean the plates? It's not fair to let me alone do the hard work." Flora, Thoko's older daughter complained. "Are you talking back to me?" "No." Flora murmured before making her way to the kitchen. Dalitso and Sara started tidying up the house while Thoko proceeded to her bedroom. She sighed as she sat on her bed and began undressing the work clothes she had on. She debated on whether to take a bath then or later and she decided on the latter. She had to relieve Flora of her chores because if she worked without wanting to, the plates won't be cleaned thoroughly. Thoko's phone dinged which caught her attention. She took it out and found there was a message from her husband. He was notifying her that he would be later than usual since he was out with some friends. Instead of replying, Thoko called her husband right away and he answered on the first dial. "Before you start nagging, I promise I won't drink beer and I'll be home before 9." "Really, Aubrey? I asked you specifically to come home early today. I'm not feeling good and I need help with the kids." "I've just told you I'll be home before 9 and you are still complaining. What's your problem, Thoko? Do you want to embarrass me in front of my friends?" Aubrey seethed and Thoko sighed. It was no use arguing with Aubrey when he was with his friends but Thoko was desperate. She needed his husband home early. "I'm sorry, Aubrey but can you please come home. I need you, please." Thoko coerced her husband with a lovely tone but Aubrey abruptly ended the call. Thoko groaned and threw her phone on the bed. She quickly dressed and approached her daughter in the kitchen. "You can go, I'll finish up here." "Thank you, mum." Flora smiled and raced out of the kitchen right away. Thoko searched for the pain meds she kept in one of the drawers in the kitchen and took two for her headache. She needed the meds if she was to go through this night sanely. She emptied the plates cleaned by Flora and began the cleaning once again. She cleaned the plates, mopped the floor and washed a few dishcloths. By the time she was done, it was a half hour late from starting dinner but she didn't mind. What she prepared to make was simple and wouldn't take long. She had just turned on the cooker when arguing noises rose over the animated voices on the TV. Thoko wanted to ignore it but when it seemed to go on, she decided to intervene. When she arrived in the sitting room, her three kids were fighting over the decoder’s remote. Samuel, the five year old, was sleeping on one of the sofas. He looked uncomfortable but before Thoko tend to him, she decided on ending the fight first. “Give me the remote.” It was an order and the youngest two let go of the remote but Flora held on to it. By the way she was clutching it; she had no intention of handing the remote to her mother. “Now, Flora.” “They are just being brats. They know this is my time to watch my show but they insist on watching the stupid sponge.” “Watch your tongue, young lady, they are your siblings. Now hand me over the remote and go study in your room.” In a fit of rage, Flora threw the remote and run off. Unfortunately, the remote went straight for Thoko’s nose and the hit was hard enough to cause some bleeding. She staggered backward in shock and her foot hit a corner of the sofa Samuel was sitting. She yelped in pain and when Dalitso and Sara inquired if she was alright, Thoko yelled at them to get lost. It wasn’t long before two doors were shut simultaneously. Thoko used her chitenje to catch the blood that was flowing out of her nose then she turned her head and stared at the roof to wait out the bleeding. The incident then reminded her of when she lost her temper that afternoon at work. She had thrown a shoe at one of her coworker’s in a fit of rage and caused a nosebleed like the one she was nursing. She had never quarreled with a single client, let alone a coworker, in all her five years of work experience but one woman, one moment, one sentence and one decision had ruined it all for her. It didn’t help that she had injured the CEO’s daughter and it wasn’t a coincidence that on the same day she hit her, the CEO decided to see Thoko first thing in the morning of the next day. Would he fire her? Her other coworkers were fearing the same and as the time ticked on, Thoko started fearing the same too. Thoko stood up from the floor when the bleeding stopped. When she saw Samuel, she picked him up and carried him to the room he shared with Dalitso. The latter wasn’t in the room when Thoko entered which meant he was probably with Sara. After securing the mosquito net on Samuel’s bed, Thoko went to her room to discard the bloody chitenje as well as to change out of her bloodied blouse. As Thoko was walking towards the kitchen after cleaning up, she was greeted by the smell of burnt meat. She ran to the kitchen and in haste of hoping to save the meat, she grabbed the hot pot on the cooker. Since she had already picked it up when she registered how hot it was, she dropped it and it scattered on the floor. Thoko opened the tap to cool her hot fingers. She hissed in pain when the lukewarm water did nothing for her. She then opened the deep freezer and pulled out a frozen water bottle which she dropped in a basin of water and soaked her hands in it. She sighed in relief when that seemed to cool off the heat in her fingers. “Mum, your phone keeps ringing- woah! What happened in here? Mum, are you alright?” Flora, who had come in the kitchen with Thoko’s phone in hand, frowned at her disheveled mother. Her nose was a bit swollen from the remote earlier but Flora knew nothing of it. Thoko brushed it off and gestured for Flora to hand her the phone. Her fingers weren’t stinging as much so she dried her hands and took the phone from Flora. She found missed calls from her close friend and knowing Esther, she only called when Thoko didn’t reply to her Whatsapp texts. Instead of calling her back, Thoko opened her app to check on the unanswered messages from Esther. What she found on Esther’s chat however, made the slight pain she was feeling in her fingers to go away and as she scrolled through the images Esther had sent, Thoko’s heart was hammering painfully in her chest. Aubrey was on his knees, proposing to the same lady she had thrown a shoe at that afternoon. With how the images progressed, it was clear the lady had positively replied since they embraced, kissed and the woman posed a few pictures with the ring shining on her finger. The images were followed by Esther’s colorful words as she cursed Aubrey and the woman both. Just then, a message notification caught Thoko’s interest and she opened the message Aubrey had sent her. ‘I want divorce’ Thoko staggered helplessly with the intent to reach her bedroom to lie down and just when she was about to leave the kitchen, her foot slipped on the discarded burnt food that had scattered the floor and she lost her balance. She landed on the floor with a thump. Her phone that was in her hand was unlucky as it hit the floor with her. When she crawled to retrieve it from where it had ended up, the screen was cracked very badly and it wouldn’t even turn on. Thoko felt miserable and she sat on the floor while still clutching the broken phone. She was so drained both physically and emotionally that when the lights suddenly turned off, she didn’t have the energy to react in anyway. Her three children protested loudly and they called out to their mother. Throughout the whole day at work and the time she had arrived home, Thoko was trying her best to hold on as she reminded herself repeatedly of how strong of a woman she was but even the strong fall. After waiting at bay for so long, tears poured out of Thoko’s eyes like flood gates being opened at last. She couldn’t help it but wonder where she went wrong. Was it meeting Aubrey? Perhaps it was not heeding the warnings of her friends. Maybe it was when she thought she had it all to keep a man like Aubrey on a leash. Or was it the moment she took off her heels and threw them at Natasha, the woman who taunted her at work? After mulling over the facts, Thoko then realized she was the defeated one. Her job was at the verge of ending and her husband of 17 years had just dropped the bomb on her. She had nothing going on for her and not even the four weeks baby growing in her would do her wonders. How would she raise four and soon to be five kids on her own, without a job? She was doomed to failure from here onwards. “Mum, where are you?” Flora asked. “I’m scared, Flora. What if Mum has left us alone?” Sara cried. “Mum will never leave us, silly. She’s a mum and mothers never leave their children.” Dalitso lightly scolded his sister but from his voice, it seemed he was trying to assure himself as well. Thoko sobbed silently; she was grateful there was a blackout and her kids couldn’t see how miserable she looked and felt. She held on to the darkness around her as she counted the minutes before her kids found her. Until then, she let herself be miserable in the darkness surrounding her.