text: CARO: 'Dad? Dad, hi, it's me.' DAD: 'Oh, hi there, I'll just get your mum, she's in the loft.' CARO: 'No, wait! It's you I wanted to talk to.' DAD: 'Oh, right then. I'm fine, how are you?' CARO: 'Yeah. Alright. Um, except, I got... Mum's in the loft, you say?' DAD: 'Yep, she's putting the Christmas decorations away. I was just weatherproofing the gate, just popped in to get some more newspapers, don't want to again the paving, you see, so if you want to call back later when your mum's downstairs...’ CARO: 'No, Dad, it's you I wanted to talk to. Okay, I've been working my way up to it all day, and I've got a break between meetings, so I wanted to ask you something. Did you have a girlfriend before mum? ' DAD: 'Me? Well. I suppose. There was a girl from my college, we went for drinks a few times, but nothing came of it. Why would you ask that? CARO: 'Well, okay from the beginning, I did one of those genetic find your ancestry tests, y'know, since you were adopted. Mum never knew her dad, you can get tests done off the Internet it tells you things like if you've got a vitamin deficiency or a propensity to get diabetes and things too, someone gave me a voucher as a present, so I did it, y'know for a bit of fun...’ DAD: 'Oh. Like a doctor's test? Are you poorly? CARO: 'No, I'm fine. It's like a doctor's test only it also tells you if there's anyone else in the database who you're related to and I didn't think there would be since you and mum don't have any brothers or sisters, but then there was a match.' DAD: 'Oh, right, so you've found a relative? So it must be one of mine, like a brother or sister or cousin or something? I tried to track down my birth mother, but it came to naught.’ CARO: 'I remember.' DAD: 'So who have you found? Did they give you a name? Is there a picture? Oh well done, love. After all these years, I could have some family still living!’ CARO: 'Well, yes, this person wanted to be notified if they got a match, and well, this is why I wanted to talk to you, not mum.' DAD: 'Well, let me call your mother, and she can pick up the other line, that way you can tell us both at once, this is news indeed!’ CARO: 'No, dad. This is for your ears only, just hold your horses.’ DAD: 'Oh, have they passed away? ‘ CARO: No. They got in touch with me, we've been emailing, and they added me on Facebook.’ 'Dad, I've got an older brother.' DAD: 'No, you haven't.’ CARO: I think I have. He's called Toby. He looks like me, everyone thinks so. I haven't met him, he's living in New Zealand.’ DAD: 'Well, that's what you get for buying things off the Internet, love. I'm sorry, but I think you've got carried away. I mean, a brother in New Zealand... bit far-fetched, isn't it? CARO: 'How long were you and mum together for before you had me? DAD: 'You should know this. It was two years we were married after the first year then you came along a year later. CARO: 'He's 5 years older than me.’ DAD: 'If you're saying what I think you're saying then... Well. I don't know what.' 'Goodness me, Caroline, we don't hear from you for months then you ring me up telling me I've got a girl into trouble!' CARO: 'Shh, Mum'll hear you.' 'Well, she so she should. I'll be telling her about all of this right away.' CARO: 'I'm not saying you did it deliberately dad, but the woman you dated before mum, do you know what happened to her?' DAD: 'Well, we both got jobs at the same company and decided it'd be unprofessional for us to date. I think she found me a bit dull, to be honest, she wanted to go out partying all the time, and well, you know me, I like to potter about by myself. We were in different departments then I got offered the transfer to Bristol where I met your mam. CARO: 'Right. So, and don't have a fit, but it's possible, possible, she could have been pregnant when you left?’ DAD: 'Caroline, this is not a discussion I want to have.’ CARO: 'Well, I didn't want to have it either dad, but I have a brother that I want to meet someday, and I'd better figure out what to tell him about you. Refusing to acknowledge that he exists isn't a good start. At least admit there's a possibility...’ DAD: 'There isn't! ' CARO: 'How do you know, though?' DAD: '...your mother.’ CARO: 'What? I didn't hear that.' DAD: 'I said, your mother was my first.' CARO: Really? Cos you were what, twenty-something when you met mum, come on, dad. DAD: 'Yes. Really. I was shy, and things were different in those days. I didn't want to cause exactly the kind of trouble that you're accusing me of.’ CARO: ‘Okay, okay.’ DAD: 'Can we put this whole silly business to bed? It's probably some kind of scammer, you need to be careful!' CARO: 'Dad, I was the one who told you about Phishing emails, remember? I work in cybersecurity, don't you think I'd know an Internet scam if I saw one, I'm literally the expert.' DAD: 'Well, you can't be the expert in everything.' CARO: ‘I'm the expert at this.’ DAD: 'Lynn! Your daughter's on the line, here, you talk to her. I'm going to paint the fence.' CARO: 'Wax on, wax off, Daniel-san.' DAD: 'Oh, yes, I see what you did there. Yes, well, goodbye for now Caroline, I'm putting your mother on.' MUM: 'Hello you!' CARO: 'Hey, mum.' MUM: 'What did you say to dad, he's got a face like a slapped bum?' CARO: 'Is he still there?' MUM: 'No, he's out again painting the fence while there's a gap in the rain. I've just put the Christmas decorations away for another year. We still put your star on top.' CARO: 'Oh, mum! That's trash I made when I was like five! Please throw that away! MUM: 'No, it's special because you made it. It's been on that tree for thirty years, and it'll be there for thirty more, God willing.' CARO: 'Alright, I'll tell you what I was saying to dad because he'll tell you, but he'll get all the details wrong because it involves the Internet and he's a troglodyte. 'Ha, oh, alright, then. But don't expect me to understand any of this Internet talk either.' CARO: 'No, it's not work stuff. Alright, basically I did one of these genetic tests that tells you if you're at risk of any diseases and stuff, and it also matches you to any genetic matches that have done the same test, like anyone you're related to, and obviously, I didn't think there'd would be any matches or maybe we might find some of dad's family or whatever, but well, there was a match, okay this sounds weird, and now talking to dad I think it was probably a mistake, but it matched me to someone, and I thought he might be a brother, I've seen pictures of him, and I thought we looked alike, but I've probably just imagined it. We've both got red hair, but millions of people do, right?' 'So anyway that's what dad was cross about.' 'Mum?' 'Hello? Mum? Can you hear me? Oh, I think my signal's gone if you can hear me hang up and I'll call back.' MUM: 'I'm here.' CARO: 'Oh, oh okay, I can hear you now. The signal must have cut out for a second.’ 'Anyway, are all the Christmas decorations back in the loft now? When are you gonna throw away that tatty old plastic tree, I bet it's just bare wire now, isn't it?' MUM: 'His name was Toby. CARO: 'Yeah. Wait. Did I tell you that? Wait. How do you know his name? Mum! Mum, what's going on? MUM: 'My parents sent me to a convent to have him. The nuns were awful to us, I at least got to meet his new parents, they lived in London, they had good jobs, and they were nice people. They said I could see him if I wanted, but everyone said I should put it behind me and I was young and scared and I did. 'Have you seen him? Is he alright?' CARO: 'Well, that's the thing we were emailing each other. MUM: 'You've talked to him? What's he like?' CARO: 'He was nice, friendly. We look alike. Curious about me as much as I was about him. He knew he was adopted, that's why he did the test, to see if any relatives came up, I just did it cos I got a voucher as a birthday present from my friend.’ 'Are you going to tell dad? I take it he doesn't know.' MUM: 'Yes, I suppose I should now. I was waiting for the right time, but it never seemed to be the right time, and I thought maybe he'd rather not know, and you can't take it back once you've said it out loud, and then I thought it'd gone on too long, the secret and that just makes it bigger, y'know. He'll say why didn't you tell me 40 years ago, and I can only say that it's because I'm a liar. He might never look at me the same. We know everything about each other, except for Toby.' 'Are you angry with me?' CARO: 'No. I don't think so. It's just a lot to take in.’ DAD: 'Are you two still on the phone!' MUM: 'Yes, just a minute! Caro, I need to go talk to your dad. Can you call me back tomorrow?' CARO: 'Sure. Oh before you go, I've got some pictures of him on Facebook, shall I email them over to you? ' MUM: 'Oh, you can send me his pictures? Yes. I want to see them. I have to go now. I'll make dinner for your dad and... Actually no, I think I'll have a glass of port. There's a bottle left from New year's eve. When do you think you'll be able to send the pictures?' CARO: 'Give me 10 minutes.’ MUM: 'Oh, that soon? Okay, I'll take the iPad upstairs and... Okay, love.’ CARO: 'It's okay, mum, you don't have to tell dad anything if you don't want to. Just have a drink and settle yourself, okay? Call you tomorrow.’ MUM: 'Yes.’