text: We're friends, him and I. Well, more like enemies, close enemies. I guess I got so used to him that I became close, he was always someone I could depend on. There were others, but it was his voice that was the loudest. Every day I heard his voice, his toxic familiar voice. I heard the others too, whispering. He drowned them out. He was the devil on my shoulder screaming into my ear. He yelled doubt into my mind. I was within his grasp he claws dug into me day in and day out. *"He doesn't care about you"*. He would scream into my ear. I could feel his hot breath and his sickly saliva dripping onto my shoulder. I closed my eyes. I stopped asking him to go away a long time ago. It never worked. "*He's using you*." He shouted inflicting doubt and anxiety on me. His aim was to uproot my efforts of happiness. He wanted me to himself and I was a slave to his wishes. When I tried relationships he always stood in the way selfishly keeping me loyal to him. And I pushed the others away because of it because I listened to him. "*He will just end up hurting you anyways*." A tear slid down my face as I started to believe him. "He's right." I told myself. "*Like the others*.." His voice lowered with seriousness and I felt him slide from one shoulder to the other. His talons grazing my throat. I sniffed. He knew me so well, he knew just what to say to get to me. And I believed him every time. Yet he was always right. It didn't matter where I was, whether it was work, school, my own home, it was all his, it was another place to rule me. But when I felt lonely he was there. He was there to keep me company. If I didn't hear his voice in my head who else did I have. Soon he got me into drugs. I never looked back. I would buy a gram and listen to him while I cut lines. "*There you go*." He would say sweetly. It was the only time I could be with him in peace. He would run his fingers down my arm, comb my hair with his fingers and whisper into my ear. "*Doesn't that feel good, darling. Why don't you take some more*," And I would obey. It was the only time I felt accepted....loved. Because he was right, the others would just hurt me anyways. I could depend on him though. I found myself doing those lovely white lines every day so that I could enjoy him. It was all a ploy and I knew, but didn't care. He isolated me from the world, but it was okay, the world just hurt me anyways. I would close my eyes and listen to him. Without my daily hit I got to be angry. I would miss him, he would return to his old self, the one screaming vile things until I took another hit. I would smile in euphoria and see him across from me. He would smile back and his normally intimidating looks would no longer have an affect on me. I would get close to him and talk. "It feels so good when I'm with you." I would say smiling. "*I know,*" he replied and he held my face stroking my chin and lips. He got closer to me and spoke in a low voice. "*Another line...for me.*" He urged me sweetly kissing my neck "I've done enough." I murmured closing my eyes feeling our closeness. "*Oh, baby, you'll feel so much better.*" he said kissing my forehead. It felt so good being with him, being high, it was intoxicating. No longer did I feel alone like my miserable self when I begged others for attention. I ran my finger up his arm and felt him. I wanted him, I wanted to be closer to him, I wanted to please him. "Ok." I grabbed the plastic bag and my credit card. I felt like I entered anther world. I got closer to him, he got closer to me. Everything faded into oblivion. All the bullshit was gone. It was just us and before I knew it our lips were touching and I felt.....nothing. All the pain, all the sadness, all the hopelessness-everything he used to remind me every day of was forgotten. I heard no voices, not even his. I was at peace. And it was the first and last time I kissed Death.