text: “You can kick and scream all you want baby, but this ship is going dooown!” The demon howled joyfully as old-man-Ed scrambled on the floor of the empty McDonalds kitchen, like a fat rat having a stroke. By now, all his employees have escaped onto the streets. Not one wasting a second to help their obese abusive manager, who has been trapped in the inside of his fast food restaurant - at a very inconvenient time. “What the fuck is happening!?” Ed belched out between his fat lips. His round cheeks shined red below his forehead, dripping profusely of sweat. The panic and confusion towards the chaos erupting around him made him break out in pools of secretion. That, and the gigantic crack in the kitchen floor that seemed to have split open the earth beneath the shopping mall, omitting waves of heat that licked the surface. “My sweet baby Ed, it’s the final day - yeaaah! End of timesss, tribulation period over. D-Day is finally happening. Rapture ya- know?” The demon danced around the man and hopped onto the yellow counter to make himself comfortable with a fat cigarette and a pink milkshake. “Apocalypse now and all that fun stuff, you know?” Ed’s striped beige shirt was ripped open on the top, exposing a gold chain wrapped in curly chest hair. Some casualty buttons laid scattered across the dirty white tiles, while he fanatically clutched at his torso, breathing fast and heavy. “Who the fuck are you!?” he spat out, frightened at the site of this unnatural looking human creature, who had the face of an angel but topped with two small horns protruding from his soft locks of brown hair. His athletic body was dressed in the snazziest midnight blue suede suit. He also flaunted a pair of golden boots with black tips to finish off his ‘end-of-the-world-outfit’. “Moi?” The demon whirled his wrist in the air with a big smile. “I’m no one you should be concerned with right now. But, by the looks of it sweet-cheeks, we’ll be spending a lot of time with each other very sssoon. For all the getting-to-know-you-you-getting-to-know-me chitchats in the world” He happily replied. “Rather, you should be focused on more important things like the choices you’ve made throughout your life.” He blew a puff of smoke into the air. “What the fuck are you talking about!” Ed shouted in pain, “why is my leg disappearing?” “It’s not.” “Yes. Yes, it is I can feel it!” Ed tried to reach for the bottom of his left pant to lift up to see what’s going on, but his big belly pushed him back down on his back while the demon just slurped his shake and smiled. “And my eye! It’s. It’s going grey! I can’t see through it” he clasped his hand tightly over his left eye, hoping the pressure would stop the feeling that it was slowly being pulled out. The demon gave a satisfying burb and mumbled about how he missed the sweet taste of strawberries. “You see babes, today is all about the sssoul.” The demon dragged his long finger down his chest in a sensational manner while he licked his lips enthusiastically. “Today we’re all about finding out where our souls belong.” He winked. Ed let go of his eye and started to hit his head with the palm of his hand and commanded himself to wake up. “Wake up!” He yelled hysterically, “This is all a bad dream! Wake up!” “Oh, don’t be so dramatic” The demon tipped his cigarette ash on his chest. “This is just it. It’s every bad, selfish, fuckt-up thing you’ve ever done, comes down to this day.” He slurped some more, “But what makes you so special - why I had to really fight and beg to be the one to escort you back, is that near-death experience you had 10 years ago.” Ed’s eyebrows furrowed as he gulped like a goldfish out of water. “Don’t you remember sweet angel?” The demon’s ferret-like eyes closely observed his victim’s reaction and took another long drag. Ed remained quiet and pushed himself back up against the opposite counter, eyeing any options to escape. “You don’t remember, do you?” “Of course I do!” Ed snapped back, which made the demon grin. “It was that beautiful quiet night in September 2010 when you lied to your wife about a work function in Joburg,” air quoting the work function part, “But as I recall magoshas don’t do very well in giving strategic feedback on annual reports. Ha! More like anal reports. Am I right?” He winked and laughed. Ed snarled at him while he noticed sharp pains shooting through his back. “Sho, tough crowd” the demon smirked. “Anywhoo. Despite your colleagues telling you over and over again to not drive home, you ssstill insisted. Heck! You could barely hold your own balls up to shit straight. But noooo, you are big man Ed.” The demon mocked in gorilla-like voice. “And so, you got into your SUV, piss drunk, and sped down the M1 just to fall asleep at the wheel.” He licked his lips again, waiting for a reaction. “You woke up in the ICU the next day with half your body obliterated, remember?” He lingered again on the last part. “What do you want!?” Ed screamed hysterically. “Nothing really. I’m here for you baby.” Ed tried to get up, but gravity pulled his bowels back down and forced him to sit where he was and listen. “So!” The demon continued cheerfully. “What you chose to forget about that night is that you brutally killed a whole family, right? A sweet mother and a caring father to a baby boy and a 3-year-old girl. So pure, so innocent.” With those words he hopped off the counter and hunched down to meet Ed at eye level, his golden boots kicked open his legs to sit as close as he could - face to face. Ed could smell the sulfur breath and noticed a different gleam in the demon’s eyes as he stared into his soul. “But did it matter?” The demon asked softly. Ed gulped hard and tried to avoid making eye-contact. “Yes, actually!” The demon answered himself and bounced back up on the counter as if he was performing a hilarious skit at a children’s show. “Because ssince you were in need of a new eye socket, kidney and left bottom leg, the miracle of modern medicine and a convenient pile of dead family members - thanks to you of course - were able to transfer the parts to you. Did you know that? Ha! What a miracle that they had what you needed?” He smiled wide like a panting dog. “And you didn’t even get in trouble for that oopsie on the highway, did you? Just paid the man and made it all go away - you sssneaky snake you. I may learn a thing or two.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ed replied. “Oh. Well focus now honey, because this is important. You’re quite special since this was not the only transplant you’ve had, is it?” Ed grappled at his chest again. “Noo, you also have a new heart in you?” He giggled, “Because Mr.Tubby-wubby couldn’t control his brandy and coke intake, could he?” Ed moaned when he tried to move again but the tiles cracked underneath him as if an invisible force was pulling something inside him down. “Oh wait!” The demon exclaimed with a finger in the air. “That’s right, I just remembered what you told your brother the other day.” He cleared his throat and started to speak. But the voice that came out sounded exactly like Ed’s. “The only time a kaffer was useful is when this one died and gave me a new heart.” He even tapped his chest the same way Ed did when he joked about his new transplant from the African donor. The fat man screamed for help, but the demon just smiled and waited. In the demon’s own calm voice, he continued: “Fun fact, that donor was a doctor. Did you know that? One of those Doctors-Across-Borders type of guys, who sacrificed their lives for the sake of others. . . No matter what race or gender. I know, too fancy for my taste as well.” He smirked. “Oh, go fuck yourself!” Ed exclaimed. “Sweet baby, that’s the spirit!” The demon whooped like a drunk girl in a limousine. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there like you always say!” Ed finally slumped down completely on the floor, and felt his body being ripped apart in the different places where he had surgeries. Even though he couldn’t see anything happening he could feel the pain shredding through him as the invisible force tore into his insides. “Oh snap! Sorry sugar-tits! I forgot to tell you, silly me.” The demon got up onto the counter and paced it proudly like an actor in the spotlight. “I’m here is to tell you that our souls are sowed into every fiber of our bodies. Neat hey? So, it’s the rapture as you should have figured out by now, and that means it’s time for souls to travel to their final destination. Choo-choo!” The demon laughed hard. “You being you, of course - the oh so important Ed-magoo - means parts of you obviously don’t belong to you or here. And definitely don’t belong where you’re going. These parts, these foreign pieces of other people’s sweet souls, are returning to their rightful and righteous owners.