text: Once upon a time, there was a woman that misplaced her house keys. She couldn’t find a way into her house. She looked underneath the doormat but it wasn’t there. A few weeks back, she lost her original house key and used a backup key. She never created a copy nor did she found her original key. Now her backup key is gone. Every square inch of her home was heavily secured from the doorknob to the toilet. Even the fridge had security and so did the water sprinklers and the air conditioner. Breaking into the house was impossible. The woman couldn’t come up with any else to do except to break in. At first, she tried to throw a brick at one of her windows. The windows were bulletproof and ended up shattering the brick. She tried to pick the lock in her home but the doorknob electrocuted her. Poor woman. She forgot that the chimney also has security. She climbed onto the roof of the home so she could Santa Claus her way down the chimney. But then she forgot the chimney had motion detection security. Every time someone tried to enter the home from the chimney, it spewed out black smoke. And so that was what happened. After being nearly knocked off the roof by the smoke, she came down and walked towards the back of the home. There was a problem. The back of the house had a fence that was covered in thorny vines and hissing venus flytraps. She also had three giant black panthers and a teacup Yorkie securing the back of the house. They were all gazing at her ready to come at her if she made it over the thorny fence. The house wouldn’t budge. That was when the woman had to be creative. She tried everything. She tried knocking the doorknob off the door but the doorknob was made of solid steel and wouldn’t come off the door. She rented a crane so she could break into the house with a wrecking ball. It didn’t work. The house was destruction-proof. She planted dynamite around the house and waited for it to blow up but the house stood still. The house was bomb-proof, tornado-proof, earthquake-proof, zombie apocalypse-proof, black hole-proof, radiation-proof, waterproof, floodproof, and the firey-pits-of-hell-proof. Nothing could destroy the home. Getting ready to give up and sleep on the lawn for the night, someone opened the door. It was her husband. The husband stepped outside after hearing some “noises.” When he saw her, he waved. “How’s your day?” The house was noise-proof so even if there was a war going on outside, no one in the house would know. She yelled back, “You were in the house the entire time!” The husband was too deep in his Doritos to notice his wife outside. She was livid. Her husband stood there staring at her while munching on a bag of Doritos in his Dorito-stained shirt, “Oh...You should’ve rung the doorbell.” The woman growled and stormed into the house with her smokey face, soiled clothing, and hair. Not a single word was exchanged that day after that embarrassing hour. That night, the husband slept on the couch.