text: "Hello, thank you for stopping by this afternoon; I'd like to talk with you about a fantastic timeshare opportunity that is too good to pass up." "All right, it's not too long, is it?" "No, ma'am, we'll be done lickety-split." "OK, I have a dinner reservation with my husband in an hour, so..." "No worries. Have you ever wished you could go back in time? There is now a way to make that dream a reality! Transtemporal Timeshare allows you to experience history directly by visiting various time periods of your choosing, all while splitting the expense with other owners like you." "How exactly does that work? Do I simply choose a time and you transport me there?" "No, not at all; it's even better!" "How?" "I'm glad you asked! We have 50 time periods to choose from, each with all of the modern convenience of the future. You could see Abraham Lincoln's assassination one minute, embark on an augmented reality adventure with Harriet Tubman the next, and undergo rotator cuff lipo suction by the afternoon." "That does seem cool, but as you said, it covers 50 time periods. How do I decide?" "Well, that's the best part! You are not required to make a decision right away. You can take your time and try each one until you discover the one that fits you perfectly. And if you change your mind later, you can trade weekends with other owners." "That doesn't sound too bad, but what's the catch?" "All we ask is that you attend one sales presentation in exchange for a free weekend at your convenience." "How much does a Transtemporal Timeshare cost to buy?" "For the price of a large Starbucks latte each day, you can afford the amazing opportunity to see Billy Holliday sing in person, Louis XIV at Versailles, or go back to see your Great-Grandmother when she was still alive." "Are you allowed to see family?" "You'll have to keep your distance for safety reasons, but yes, we'll trick your Great-Grandmother into attending a sales presentation, and you can check her out from behind a two-way mirror. Although, please remember not to feed or touch family members from the past." "You're going to trick my family?" "That's not it at all! They'll get an all-expenses-paid trip to the future to see you from behind a two-way mirror." "Wait a minute, is she looking at me right now? Mimi? Are you here?" "Ma'am, please have a seat; there is no one behind that two-way mirror." "How do I know for sure?" "Well, we did offer it to her, but your Mimi chose to see Elvis live in concert instead." "She isn't here?" "Don't be disappointed. Think of it this way, what if you had the opportunity to see the Harry Styles farewell tour of 2046 or go back to the hellscape of 2022 to see your Mimi? You'd make the same decision, trust me." "I guess. So, what do you have available for a free sample?" The Transtemporal Timeshare agent swiftly starts typing on her computer. "Glad you asked! We have a quaint cottage in 1350, which is peak black plague, this really is hard to get. We also have a lovely townhouse in 1941 Germany; you aren't Jewish, are you? Oh, and this just became available; wow, this never happens; you are so fortunate; we have all time periods open in North Korea, it's a small work camp, but all expenses are covered." "Is that it? I was looking for something a little more impressive." The agent speaks in a hushed tone. "Look, I don't do this for all our potential customers, but here's what I can do. I can get you 1920s America if you sign up today and start payments. This is popular, and it should be easy to trade. Imagine yourself doing the Charleston in a speakeasy, having drinks with Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald, or seeing New York jazz clubs in all their glory! The best part is once you own it, you can trade it to go anywhere and when you want!" "Alright, let's do it." The agent prints out some forms. "Great! It looks that I have gotten you one of the last dates available in the 1920s; your trip will begin on October 28, 1929, and end on October 30, 1929. Simply sign here to become an official member of the Transtemporal Timeshare family!" While she is signing... "That date seems familiar; is there anything noteworthy going on?" "Yeah! They get a visit from someone from the future!" "Ha, I'm feeling pretty good about this.