text: Jessica was holding the phone at an angle so I could see the message on her Facebook group chat. I immediately burst out laughing. "What the fuck?" "That's exactly what I said!" She scrolled with her thumb to reveal a reply. *"wtf LOOOOOOOOOL"* It was Jessica's message. I dropped my jaw and held my head like that Scream painting, then I gave her a stern look. "Jess you shouldn't have done that. You're finna gonna die now." I joked. "I know, right? I was awake all night thinking about it." I couldn't help but spray some Diet Coke from my nose as she finished the sentence. "What if he straight up literally does murder you, though? Like, instead of some magical spell he just comes to your house at night with a knife." "I straight up don't even know who he is. I just know that Milly sent me his phone number once." "Oh. My. God." "What? "We should call him!" I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect. "Seriously?" "YES!!" I screamed, incidentally throwing some of my Diet Coke overboard. "Fine, fine." Jessica thumbed through her messages from Milly until she found the 07 number. "But I don't want to talk to the weirdo." "OK, OK, fine." I said, putting my Coke down and snatching the phone. I dialled the number. "Hello?" A nerdy voice replied, "Who is this?" "I'm with someone from the Facebook group chat. They want to know why they're not dead yet." Jessica slapped my arm and threw me a look of embarrassment before kneeling down and holding her head in her hands. "Oh, that." He said, sniffling. "I'm actually in a pretty optimal mood today. I chose not to release the curse." "Oh..." I said, licking my lips. "Because, uh. We were talking about how magical you were, and we were wondering whether you could make Carl Donny love her." "Stop, please!" Jessica protested, now in the brace position with her head between her knees. "Listen, slut. I told you I'm in a good mood today, but you're beginning to jeopardise that. I suggest you cancel the call and go about your way." "NO, BITCH. I WANT MY FUCKEN SANDWHICH!" I screamed down the phone, hoping Jessica would laugh, but she was crying. "Jessica?" I said, lowering the phone for a second. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. "I was just joking around. You don't really think he can hurt you, do you?" From the brace position, she began rolling, like a rolly polly; her golden pigtails, flapping up and down as she moved from her knees to her back to her knees again. I began walking after her but she rolled so fast I could barely keep up. She rolled all the way into the front of a Peugeot 206 coming down the main road. Horrified, I did the only thing that made sense to me at the time: I moved the phone back to my ear. "Are ya happy, now?" The nerdy voice said in a disapproving tone.