text: She had known for a very long time that sooner or later, it will come to this. It had to. She takes a deep breath, and looks up. Everything is slightly hazy, as if a giant smoke machine is at work somewhere. In front of her are two doors. On the left is a beautiful ornately carved wooden door, with a huge brass knocker. On it is a brass plate with the word “STAY” on it. On the right is another wooden door, but it is sleeker in design, and the wood is a bit lighter - could be oak. The handle is made of brushed aluminium, and she can see that it is one of those pivot doors. On it is a silver plated sign that says “GO”. Her heart starts beating faster. She is not sure how she knows, but she does, that once she has chosen a door and enters it, there is no turning back. She groans. This is probably the hardest decision of her life. How should she know what the right decision will be for her now, but even more important, for the rest of her life? Another fact is that she has been mulling everything over in her mind for a long time, so she should actually know what to choose. And yet she doesn't. She sighs. That's a lie. She knows which decision is the right one for her heart, but it is not the same one she would choose if she chose with her mind. Damn it to hell!! ------------------- Mandy is a qualified graphic artist. She has been working in her trade for around six years, and she has already started making a name for herself. Four years ago, she met Steve at a training workshop for artists, and they just clicked. They have the same interests, mostly, and the same off-kilter sense of humour. They started seeing each other, and their relationship moved quickly from seeing each other to moving in together. About two years into the relationship, Mandy started realizing that although they mostly see eye to eye, there are one or two areas of serious differences. It would be easy to say that a few differences can be overlooked or sorted out if everything else works, but it seems not if both partners feel very strongly about their views and neither are willing to compromise. The main areas of contention are marriage, and children. Mandy comes from a loving family that spends a lot of time together, and Steve comes from a broken family with hardly any connection between it's members. He says that's the way he likes it, and he does not want to get married or have children. He loves Mandy, they have fun together and there is no need to go and change something that works. Mandy, on the other hand, wants to get married and have children. It doesn't have to happen right now, she still has a lot of things she wants to do and her career is flourishing at the moment, but she would like to know that the future has that possibility in store for her. There was a time that they argued about it continuously, and they nearly broke up about a year ago, but Steve begged her to reconsider, and at that time it was easy to capitulate, because she just loves him so dang much! She realized however, that she had just swept the differences under the rug, so to speak, and it was still a problem for her, nagging away at the back of her mind. It was a weird way to live, being half happy, and half very unhappy - being with the man she loved, but knowing that if she stayed with him, she will always be yearning for more. Was it too much to ask to have everything? ----------- And then, two months ago, she received an amazing job offer from a company in Japan. They had given her a month to accept the offer. At first she was scared to bring it up with Steve, but after a few days she realized that she'll have to talk to him about it. He might change his mind about things and that would colour everything differently. When she finally broached the subject, after a good dinner and a bottle of wine, he was quiet for a very long time. But then he took the wind out of her sails when he slowly smiled and said that it sounds absolutely amazing, and he will start looking for a job there as well. How perfect is that! Mandy was speechless at first, and then managed a weak smile, and agreed with him. As the month neared its end, Steve had not found a job yet, and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do, so she wrote the company in Japan a letter, asking them if they could please give her another month to let them know. She knew that it was not very professional, but she didn't know what else to do. To her surprise, they agreed almost immediately. The two of them talked about the situation endlessly, Steve all excited and making plans, she a lot more restrained. If he noticed, he didn't let on. She decided that she had to make the final decision now, or it is never going to happen - does she stay with Steve and move to Japan with him and hope that he will change his mind, or does she make a clean break now, and hope that her life will work out as she had dreamt since she was a little girl? How does she know that it will? She might break up with Steve, and never find love again... She had slept very little in this past month, and she had lost weight. She is listless and gets headaches all the time. And now the time has come, she has to make a decision and let them know. There is no more time to procrastinate... --------------- Mandy squares her shoulders, takes a deep breath again, and she starts walking towards the two wooden doors. The mist is still slowly swirling around her. She stops a few steps away, right in the centre between the two. Her heart goes crazy in her chest - it feels as if it might beat itself right out of her body. She feels as if she might pass out, so she quickly steps to her right and opens the door with the “GO” sign. She enters and closes the door. There. Done. No turning back now. She releases the breath she has been holding, and turns around slowly. It is a weird scene that awaits her. It makes sense, but at the same time it doesn't. How can she see so much at the same time? There is the plane that she has to take to get to Japan, there is what she assumes is her new office complete with desk and computer, there are a lot of smiling strangers surrounding her - all of that at the same time, yet she understands what she is seeing. The strangest of all, is the feeling in her chest and body. There is a warmth radiating from her heart and spreading to the rest of her body, and she can feel a the strain in her shoulders starting to abate, as if it is slowly seeping out of her. Within a few minutes she feels light, as if she can float away into the air. Not only that, she also feels happy. Singing-dancing-jumping-for-joy happy! She starts walking towards the plane, not even thinking twice about it. ----------- The next moment an awful, jarring sound shrieks through the silence. Mandy jumps from fright, and lies still for s few moments. The alarm clock. Oh bloody hell, that was only a dream! Shit. She lies completely still for another few minutes, analysing her dream. Although she has been putting it off for weeks, she knows what she has to do. It wasn't that the dream showed her what to do, it only confirmed what she already knew in her heart. The decision is the right one for her, now, at this point in her life. She glances over at Steve, still softly snoring on his side of the bed. This is not going to be easy, but it has to be done - she's got a life she has to live, her way. With firm resolve she sits up, and throws the duvet off her. Let's get to it then, she says to herself with a smile on her face.