text: “How was I supposed to know it’s her fucking birthday?” Anne said, her voice more of a whine than anything. I don’t know how she could see the road through her stream of tears. Why did I let her drive? *She’s the only one with a license, dumbass.* “You’re the one that fucking found her,” said Rich, always looking to blame someone. “She’s from YOUR grandma’s church, *you* told us about her!” he said, sticking his little sausage finger in her face. “I- I don’t even know my own grandma’s birthday,” Anne said, ashamed. “Both of you shut the hell up. Now is not the time to bicker like children, dammit,” I said, “Just focus on the road and the task at hand.” Rich slumped back and just sat there staring out the passenger-side window. I’d like to see what’s going on inside his head, but I know it’s not much. Anne locked her eyes on the open road, her face expressionless, except for her quivering lip. She never could hide that from me. I hate to admit it, but I’m still so overcome with adrenaline that I can barely think straight. I’ve never felt so powerful before, so in control. The last hour feels more like a dream than reality. “Why is it always so fuckin’ cold in this car?” I asked, trying to sound natural as I reached for the back-seat temperature controls. I didn’t realize my hands were still numb, shaking uncontrollably. I fumbled with the knob for a second, not sure which direction to turn it. My brain was still going a million miles a minute, thinking ahead, thinking back, thinking about how knobs work. *Does blue mean cold? Or does red? Does it even matter?* I sat back, stuffing my hands into my hoodie pockets. Now is not the time for distractions. I need to focus, determine our next move. *There’s no way the cops can know it was us, I made sure of that. Do we go home and pretend nothing happened? Or do we run and never look back?* As yet another road sign whizzed past my window I decided, "We need to go back home, it’s the only way we can avoid suspicion.” “Are you insane?” Rich said, “We need to get as far away from home as possible right now!” “You don’t get it,” I said, “If all three of us disappear right now, we’ll instantly be suspects.” Rich was looking at me intensely as we spoke. He was trying to keep his cool, but there was a twinge of fear in his eyes that was unmistakable. “Getting back home right now is our best chance of going unnoticed. Just go home and do whatever you’d normally do on a Sunday afternoon. Anne, next chance you get, turn around and take us home. It’ll all be okay, I promise.” After a few minutes of silence, Anne pulled into an overgrown driveway and turned us around. I kept running through my preparations in my mind to make sure we’re rock solid. *Gloves, check. Different size shoes, check. No phones, no prior relationship with her, no one knows we’re together, check. I really think I’ve done it. We’re rock solid. I’m untouchable.* It’s just a shame our cleanup time was cut short. “Hey Dave,” said Rich, trying to lighten the mood in his usual way, “have you seen that new *Star Wars* movie yet?” “You know I don’t watch that crap,” I said. *I’m really not in the mood to hear him blabber on about fucking* Star Wars *right now.* “Come on man, they’re fun,” he said. “You just gotta turn your brain off and enjoy the action.” “I like the old movies. The new ones are bad though,” Anne said, perking up a little, but not looking away from the road for even a second. “Well yeah,” Rich said, “but they’re still fun to watch.” “I don’t find it *fun* to watch awful garbage,” I said, sick of this conversation. “Why don’t you just watch an actually good film instead?” “Oh yeah, and what movie should I watch, you pretentious fucker?” said Rich. “*Schindler’s List* is a fantastic movie,” I said. “A beautiful story, well-acted, and not too complicated for you.” Rich sat there with his mouth hanging open for a moment. “You just smashed some senile old woman’s skull in with her own goddamn cane, and now YOU’RE telling me to watch *Schindler’s* fucking *List*. Go fuck yourself.” The car fell silent except for the warm hum of the car engine. “You said you’d be gentle,” Anne said, choking on her words. “You said it’d be like euthanasia. How could you?” “Shit happens,” I said. Rich was supposed to keep his mouth shut about that. *Dumb bastard*. “Richard, what the fuck did I tell you?” “Screw you Dave. I’m not going to follow your orders anymore.” “They’re not just orders, you idiot. We cannot let anyone else know about this, or we’re all cooked,” I said. “We need to just put today’s events behind us and keep on living as if nothing happened. Nothing. Everybody just shut up and calm down.” Anne just kept driving, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Rich sighed sharply and resumed staring out his window. Hopefully, those two can eventually move on from all this so they don’t screw me, but I never will. I’ve dreamed of today for years, but I never could have imagined how good it would feel. The beauty of extinguishing another person’s life. I don’t even know her name, but no one will ever know that old bitch like I do. In her final moments, laying on the floor in a scarlet puddle, she didn’t scream or cry or plead or pray. She just accepted her fate, allowed the void to take her. *I respect that*. She didn’t fear eternity, she embraced it. Now she never has to feel pain again. She doesn’t have to worry about her bills or tomorrow’s weather or taking her meds. She no longer exists. *I gave her that, and I loved every second of it.* Lost in my own head, I suddenly realized coming up on our right is the local police barracks, so we’re almost home. I’d rather not pass by here, but it’s by far the fastest way back. Nobody says anything, but we’re all weary of the barracks. Anne slows down so she’s perfectly going 45. Rich stares blankly at all the police cars, watching for movement. I keep my eyes forward so I don’t alarm the others, but I can see the barracks just at the edge of my peripheral vision. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. *Her daughter must not have come over to celebrate yet.* It felt like minutes, but after only a few seconds the barracks were behind us, and nothing but trees and some small houses surrounded us now. A minute goes by without incident. Just as we’re starting to get comfortable again, Anne spoke up. “Guys, there’s a cop behind us.” I turn around to see a police car coming around the bend a few hundred feet behind us. “Shit. Make sure you are at the speed limit. Right now.” I said, trying to keep her calm. “He might not be for us.” *Do you really believe that?* “We’re done for,” Rich said, seeming more defeated than afraid. “I can’t go to jail,” said Anne. “everyone will hate me.” The police car was gaining speed. “Nobody’s going to jail,” I said, “I made sure of it.” I can’t help but let their doomsaying get to me. *What if I go to jail? My life will be over. Could I survive in there? Could I fend for myself, or would I be some skinhead’s bitch? What would mom think? Will they tell her what I did? What will she say when somebody asks about her son? She’ll probably just dismiss them, pretend that I don’t exist. But she can never truly forget me. Her first son. Her beautiful little boy. Her little star pupil, class president, future CEO son. She won’t be able to brag anymore. She can’t tell her friends how successful her favorite son is. That’s what she’ll miss the most when I’m in jail. She’ll never accept that she failed.* Who gives a shit what she thinks. “He’s right behind me,” said Anne between shallow breaths. Her eyes, red and puffy, darted between the road and the rearview mirror. I knew well enough not to turn and look out the back window suspiciously. I was peeking at the left side mirror. His lights weren’t flashing. *They’d be flashing by now right?* Anne started panicking and pulled over quickly. “What the hell are you doing?” I said, “His lights aren’t on.” The cop was coming up on our left, all I could see was his front license plate hood in the mirror. “It’s over Davey. Just accept it,” Anne said, her voice calm and sad. “We deserve this.” *Just accept it? Coming from the bitch I could barely get to suck me off after prom. I’ll never just accept anything. I’m in control. I’ll always be in control. I’m not weak like everyone else. Why did I bring these two into it? Idiot.* “Holy shit he just passed us,” said Rich. He was right, the cop sped past us as if we were just some roadkill in his way. The clunk of Anne pulling the e-brake pulled me back into reality. We all took a second to breathe. “Hey!” Rich shouted, “Dave said no phones!” Anne had dialed the three magic numbers before either of us noticed. She had that phone in her pocket the whole time. “Yes, I’d like to report a murder,” Anne said, without hesitation.