text: I haven’t felt the same since that day. She hadn’t been the same girl ever since she’d had everything taken away from her that night. The girl she’d always been never returned and I guess in the end the girl that she became took over. I’d often ask her what it’d take for her to get back to her old ways, but the answer was always the same. ‘There's nothing you can do’, she’d say. The feeling of uselessness that came from this used to break me, but I’d always realise the irony in the fact that the thing that was breaking me the most had already broken her. She’d never been the most extroverted character, in fact people would often say she was the opposite, and that she kept to herself mostly. Whilst this was mostly true, for the people she did get close to she was an open book. Often she’d be the one who’d talk the most and she always had something to say. It was almost a privilege to get close to her as it unlocked a character no one else got to see. People would often ask me why we’d spend so much time together and what we actually spoke about, but I’d always just reply that they had to find out for themself, and if they truly wanted to know they could make an effort to actually see her for who she actually was instead of what they believed she was. Before the incident she was such a happy go lucky character, and i’d often blame her for the majority of the stupid ideas that would end up causing us trouble. She’d occasionally have days where no one could get through to her, not even me, but she’d always be back to her usual self within the coming days. I’d always ask her to come out to events that I’d been invited to, but normally the response was ‘no’ and that ‘she isn’t really a party person’. That’s why I’d been so surprised when she said yes to coming to Bryan’s 17th. There’s always been a sense of guilt I've carried around since that night. People often tell me it’s not my fault but maybe if I hadn’t been so excited to go or maybe if I hadn’t convinced her to have a few drinks then the whole thing never would have happened. Ever since that day people have often claimed how they were close with her and it was such a tragedy what happened, but I know that the majority of people didn’t give a fuck about either of us before that day and if you mentioned our names to either of them they probably would have replied with a who?. For a while people claimed that she was making it up and that she was only doing it for attention. It was soul wrenching to hear this being said and there was a huge sense of irony that the person who tried to avoid social interaction as much as they could would be doing anything for attention. It was slowly destroying her and you could tell that with each passing comment and each passing day she was slowly losing the things that made her what she was. There was a clear hierarchy system within our school and if someone at the top said something, then that was the truth. When Bryan said nothing happened that night anyone who said anything against that idea was quickly shut down and ostracised. Whoever she told about it happening would often say how horrible it was to her personally, but as soon as they got into a situation with anyone they thought disagreed, quickly changed their way and went back to disregarding her claims. They often say silence is the loudest but this whole thing seems to show otherwise. Everywhere we went together you’d see people whispering to each other and occasionally you’d see the people point and laugh. The day she ended everything we went for our final walk together. She was laughing and smiling for the first time in a while and I thought everything might be finally returning back to normal. In hindsight I should have noticed the life in her had faded and that she was only smiling and laughing to keep me from suspecting anything bad could possibly happen. She knew she was going to do it that night. She’d never been one to be emotional and it was why I was so shocked she told me how much she valued our friendship that day and that she’d never forget what I had done for her. I thought it was the start of change, and in some ways it was, but it was the change no one wanted to happen. We lay down under the tree we’d always known since we were growing up together. We’d spent nights talking about everything here, from what we wanted to be when we grew up to just chatting shit about whatever we could chat shit about. We always knew that whatever said by this tree would stay between us and it’s why she chose the tree to tell me about what happened that night for the first time. I cried when she told me and I've cried many times since that night but she told me she didn’t want the tree to be remembered for the sad memories and that we should only remember the good memories from under that tree. I suggested to her that we should visit that tree once a week and talk about everything good that had happened that week in future. She nodded and agreed but I guess she already knew that we’d never spend another minute under that tree together. I vowed to change this though. I crossed the river and the bridge that marked the tree was close. She’d never been close with her family but it was still a shock when her family said that I should decide what happened with her ashes. I knew exactly what I was going to do as soon as they said this and it was finally going to be an opportunity to be with her around the tree again whenever I was able to. I’d finally reached the tree by this point and although I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry as I knew she wouldn’t want me to, the tears came flooding out. I was going to say a few words but the tears were making me choke up. I decided that I may as well just do what both of us would want. As I scattered her ashes under the tree that we both loved so much, it was finally an opportunity for her to grow as much as I had within her short company.