text: January 19, 2017: “Mr. Trump, please have a seat.” A shadowy figure points to a chair nearby in a small dark room. Donald Trump, about to be inaugurated, was required to go over classified information. Trump has a seat and looks around. “What’s with the lights?” “Mr. Trump.” Another shadowy figure emerges from a corner in the room, and produces a file folder. Trump grabs it, opens it, and flips through. “Do we have a video on this?” The two figures glance at each other. One speaks; “Mr. Trump. I’m about to disclose classified and somewhat shocking information. We understand your agreements with the Russians, so we’re not afraid of leaks.” Trump tilts his head, “The Russians love me!” He turns to the other figure. “They’re good people.” “Mr. Trump, UAP’s, or as you may know them as, UFO’s, are real. They are piloted by inter-dimensional beings, but we have no other information. We have a division of the Airforce solely responsible for collecting and observing all activities of UAP’s.” “Aliens, of course. I already knew that. Remember, the Russians like me.” Trump smirks. “Along with that is technology found from a UAP dug up in an archaeological dig. We’ve been pretty successful with this technology, but we cannot let other nations obtain and leverage it.” Trump shows off a confused look. “Why can’t we all be friends? Russians are good people too.” “But Mr. Trump, there is more - some of these archaeological digs have confirmed an earlier advanced civilization existed on Earth, and were quite large - 7-12 feet.” “And they aren’t here today are they? They must have not been that smart if they had to be that tall. How would they have time to think?” The figures look at each other confused. “Mr. Trump, our ancestors no longer exist due to an extermination stipulation brought on by their ancestors -” The figure’s speech is cut-off by his counterpart figure, signaling by waving his hand to cut it short. “Mr. Trump we have a plan that needs to be put in place immediately, which is why we had you run as a Republican. Based on what Mr....Smith, was trying to say, there’s an age old tradition that needs to be held in place in order for humans to keep their place here on Earth.” “I clap after every meal.” Mr. Trump says seriously. “Mr. Trump, there are way too many people on this planet, and we need to thin the herd. H1N1 wasn’t successful because of the democratically run White House, but this time we’ll be able to exceed the 1918 attempt.” The figure continues. “A virus will be released in the Fall of 2019. This will ensure a decrease in population growth around the world, but also decrease medicaid and social security spending locally.” The other figure steps forward, “But the real reason is to appease the UAP’s. When they want something, they tend to abduct people. And if we want to be safe from uncontrollable disasters, like an asteroid or a world-wide flood, we need to do what is asked of us.” “Did you get this from Twitter? If so, I already knew this probably.” Trump nods, sticking out his bottom lip. “Um, no. The Emerald Tablets, it’s Sumerian.” “I think Sumerian might be a name of a hotel I own.” Trump looks back at the other figure, “I own many hotels. Many fine, luxurious hotels.” “Well....Mr. Trump, just be aware you will be vaccinated sometime after we release the Virus.” “I don’t need a vaccine, my health is 100% satisfactory. Just like this cheeseburger is satisfying.” Trump swallows a whole cheeseburger.