text: Hey. First post ever on Reddit, maybe you can relate. Non-native speaker...etc. etc. Edit: Changed some format stuff so it's easier to read... **Meeting with myself** Eyes. Open up. I can’t sleep. Get out. Coat, keys, phone, tying shoes, been quite a while since I’ve done that, takes me longer than most, tying a knot, loop and the other one. Could’ve learned that way sooner if some people cared. Thumb. Okay, I’m ready. Sorry to keep you waiting, please stay with me. I try going downstairs quietly and opening the door. Locked. Two times. Whoever does that is mad. Get out. I lock the door behind me. Good. Breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. I feel cold. I feel the cold air around my wrists and my legs. I get cold fast when I’m outside at night, but that’s okay. It’s good. Again. In and out. Stay calm. Isn’t even that difficult, is it? I still can not think clearly though. The sky looks nice. I see the stars. I don’t know what I should think about the stars. They look nice. Scary, too. Often I imagine how they explode. I really have no idea what’s wrong with me this time. Don’t forget to breathe slowly. You know, at some point it really sucks that you have to freeze yourself to death only to calm down. To stop the spasms, because your mind is too weak. And if you don’t even know what tipped you off this time again, I don’t know, sucks. I hate it. Okay, last time. Breathe in and out. Can’t go back yet. Down to the lake. Hey. Hey. What’s your name? Not in the mood, sorry. I’ll go soon enough anyways. Not in the mood, either. Just wanted to go breathing. Fag? I don’t smoke. Me neither. Only when I’m down. Almost tried though. My fingers are freezing, shit. Why didn't you? I thought you'd go soon anyways. Yea. So? Nevermind. Had a good help. Helped me out with a few things. Me too. Still went back. I know. We're having difficulties breathing, remember. What happened? Thought about love. Cute. Doesn’t matter. Yes it does. Else you wouldn’t sit here. You? Saw too much in someone. He doesn’t love you? Yea. He knows I do though. Again? Yea. Happens a lot to me, too. You seem like it. What’s your name? Elena. Chris. What is love? Baby don’t... What is love? I don’t know, okay. Why does nobody love us? Chance. Never. It is. Definitely not. Look, we are funny, we are emotional, we don’t look like complete shits, sure. So why does nobody love us? We need too much affection. Or it’s chance. Are you sure? No. It’s unfair. It is. But we don’t do very much against that, either. Stars are scary. Plus one. Romantic. We can’t. Don’t say things like that. We can’t. Why? You know. Too similar. Yes. Too similar. I just want someone I can love with all of my heart and someone who loves me back with all of his heart. Is it that difficult? What am I doing wrong? Why are all people getting the love I don’t get?! All of them are so happy without me. All of them know how to be happy. I’m not being loved. I could love you. We’ve been there already. Don’t you want to be loved? I do. But we can’t. I know. I. You okay now? My hands seem to be dead now. Thank you. Sorry. I wish I had someone like you. Me too. I do love you, okay, just not the way we need it. Me too. Thank you for staying with me. And tomorrow? Will you have one again tomorrow? What? Attack. I don’t know. Me neither. When does that ever happen? Happened tonight. Yea. But not again. Not at the same time. One can hope. Don’t. I don’t want to go. Me neither. So? Don’t stay longer than you have to. We are strong. I know. Breathe. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye.