text: “Where are you Charlie?” “Over here! Hurry Luna!” Charlie and Luna met three years ago at camp Twalka, a camp for kids with Tourette’s. They’ve been inseparable ever since. Tourette’s is an incurable disease. It causes them to shout out words they don’t want to. It forced their body to do movements that can hurt them, or worse, others. These uncontrollable movements and sounds are called “tics.” Three weeks ago, they became separable. Charlie fell in love. He couldn’t constantly be at her side anymore. He had another girl to care for. This is where it all went wrong. I have nearly 2,000 tics a day. Charlie usually has around 200 daily. Our tics seem to be the same often. We will suddenly wink at each other, shout the same profanities, and more. We often end up in similar situations. People getting mad at us, not understanding, we depend on each other. The only one who truly understands everything I go through is Charlie. I keep asking myself, “why do I feel this way?” I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’ve been his go to girl for almost three years now. But she stole that from me. Seeing her stupid, perfect hands intertwine with his. Her way too big lips, pressing softly on his cheek. Her gentle voice calling him baby, like some desperately- desperate loser. Ugh, I have no reason to feel this. I can’t be jealous. He’s just a friend. He always has been. Always rolling his glossy blue eyes at me, the sparkle in his smile when I crack a joke, it’s always been him and me. Charlie and Luna. We’ve never fought. Of course we have cursed each other out and hurt each other. Those tics are the ones we hate the most. We have to be careful. But holding in a tic is more painful than anything else. The worst was when we were hiking on our trip. We were going slowly through a rich patch of plants. It was a beautiful slot canyon in Saint George Ut. His elbow dug straight into my side pushing me into the wall. There was a gap in the wall where a chunk of dirt laid. Along with the cactus that left it’s spikes deep into my hand as I tried to catch myself from falling. It had been three years since we crossed pinkies and kissed our thumbs sealing our friendship. We commemorate each year by meeting at our spot. The spot we would watch the stars, devour pizza, and laugh our heads off. I got everything set up. The pizza, the blankets, pillows, everything we could ever need. She came. (The girl we don’t say the name of.) Charlie’s stupidly perfect stupid girlfriend. I pulled him aside. “Why did you bring her here?” “She doesn’t trust you.” “Don’t you trust me?! What did I ever do to you guys?” “She doesn’t want me here alone with you. That’s all. Can’t we just enjoy the night?” “Whatever.” We listen to our music while they cuddle tightly together. She laid between us. She is always between us. She started getting very frustrated with my tics. I can’t help it. I “accidentally” elbowed her. “Yikes!” “Noooooooope!” “Flick you!” They all came out, and more. Welcome to my daily life. Of course she was too much of a baby to stay there. She insisted they went to be alone for a while. It felt like hours ‘till they finally came back. I saw the shadow of a girl coming towards me. But no Charlie. I rubbed my eyes to ensure I wasn’t hallucinating. They are never apart. She walked by and went straight to her car. Flicking her middle finger up in my direction as she went. I looked out over the land trying to see Charlie down in the ditch they went to. But, the land was covered in trees. It was useless. Suddenly, a wail pierced my ears. “Where are you Charlie?” I yelled out. “Over here! Hurry Luna!” He wailed back. I followed the sound of his voice. Running so fast down the steep slope I nearly biffed it face first. My flashlight barely lit the ground in front of me. But I saw it. The half-sharpened stick laid before him. His leg drenched in blood. While a knife stuck firmly in his thigh. “Charlie? Did she do this to you?” “It was a tic. We fought and we broke up. My emotions went out of control. I was sharpening the stick and a strong tic hit me. I couldn’t hold it in, it happened too fast and I stabbed myself. It was all an accident.” Charlie began getting up off the log he previously rested on. He started getting dizzy. “No Charlie, stop moving. I’m calling for help.” He fell. Right into my arms. I fell onto my knees holding him. I didn’t realize how much blood he had already lost. I got my phone out and began dialing 911 before he grabbed my hand and stopped me. “Wait. I have to tell you why we broke up.” “That can wait!” I exclaimed. He didn’t listen. “I love you Luna. I’ve loved you for three years. I shouldn’t have done it. But I wanted your jealousy. I wanted you to love me. I needed your love. I wanted you to want me, to wish it was your lips pressed against mine, not hers. I can’t go a day without you Luna.” “You don’t need to. I’ve loved you since that second we kissed our thumbs. Now shut up and let me take care of you!” I rip a piece of my shirt and wrap it around the knife sticking out of his leg. While he rests in my lap I call for help. Five minutes until they arrive. The only thing that has ever helped my tics lessen, is music. I can’t afford to risk hurting him while he’s in my lap. I stroke his face while singing our favorite song. My slow, soft voice breaks as I try holding in tears. The red and blue lights flash on top of the hill. His eyes flutter closed.