text: Child 7673 was a problem, the biggest problem to plague the Nightmare Department of the Monsters Advocacy Bureau since its inception. 7673 was like no child anyone had ever seen. On the surface, she seemed like any other child; she slept in a bed, and she had nightmares; that much was obvious from her sleep charts. The problem with 7673? She wasn’t afraid of monsters. She just wasn’t intimidated by them. The Nightmare Department had exhausted almost all of its resources trying to scare this child. The threat level of the monster visiting her every night had increased with each visit to her bedroom, the hope being that the scarier the monster appeared, the more frightened she'd be. But all those efforts were in vain, and the Nightmare Department had only one option left; an option they had never used before. They were bringing in the scariest monster in the archives. Me. I’d like to start this tale by making one thing extremely clear. Child 7673 is an exception to every rule I’ve set for myself. I don't like children. That’s why I joined the Nightmare Department, so I could scare them. I wasn’t expecting to never be called in. They say I’m too scary for most kids--I could kill one, potentially. The MAB doesn’t need to be going around killing children, it’s bad publicity. I’m seven feet tall with carnivorous teeth and beady eyes. Even when I was small, I was the tallest monster for my age. My skin is rough, almost scaly, and jagged around my elbows. The lower level monsters nicknamed me “Dragon” because of them, after the mythological beast. Apparently, for this reason, I’m kept away from most children. Anyway, I was called once they realized that 7673 posed a problem. My boss summoned me into his office to brief me on the situation. His door was already open when I arrived, so I walked right in, trying to seem as casual as possible. He was sitting at his desk, doing paperwork. I stood in awkward silence for what felt like too long before I finally cleared my throat loudly. “Sir?” “Oh, I see you’ve finally arrived,” he said. “Please take a seat. We have so much to discuss.” “Do we? I’m pretty sure I know what my job entails.” “I didn’t call you in here to listen to you insult me. This is a serious case, so shape up. This kid is causing tons of trouble, and I am not happy about it.” “Everyone? What does that even mean? She’s just an annoying little kid.” “It seems like you don’t quite understand the utter propensity of this situation. Please, allow me to fill you in. You know, just as every monster here knows, that the connection between the monster world and the human world is a delicate one. Those humans let us scare their children only on their own moral guidelines," he said. After taking a sip of his drink, he continued, “Humans want their children to be mentally strong adults. They want them to learn how to deal with the scary things life has to offer and blah, blah, blah. The MAB also gets funding depending on how well we can scare these kids.” “Yeah, boss. I know all that.” I said. “I’m not clear on why this kid is different than the rest.” “This particular child has proved a big problem. If she isn’t stopped soon, the careers of some of the ‘higher-ups’ at the MAB could be in jeopardy. This is big stuff.” My first instinct was to laugh, although I contained myself. Some of the most important monsters at the MAB, fired over a human child. The irony was almost too much to handle. My boss was surely one of those people in jeopardy, or else he wouldn’t have mentioned it. My evil troll of a boss, gone for good. The thought was tantalizing, I must confess. But I still had my doubts about this job. Maybe part of it was laziness, but another part of me found it hard to believe I was the only monster qualified. “So you’re telling me I’m the only one that can do this job,” I said. “What about Gris? Those tentacles of his are scary as hell.” “Gris was one of our first tries,” the boss said. “His tentacles didn’t do a damn thing.” “You could send in Charma. That rat’s nest on her head would scare--” “How many times must I tell you? You have no choice. You are going to do this job. Nobody else. Understood?” “Yes, sir.” I walked out of his office feeling a bit defeated. I couldn’t help but wonder how well tonight would go. I wasn’t looking forward to it. But I had a duty, and was going to do it well. I would scare Child 7673 so bad that she'd scream for help, maybe even wet the bed. Monsters get extra participation points if the kid pees. What actually happened when I stepped into her bedroom, well, I wasn’t expecting it at all. But it helped me realize a few things. Ah, I can see it, you’re squirming in your seat now, wondering why 7673 is different. Patience. I’m getting there. The sky was a delightful pitch black the night I went to her neighborhood. Perfect monster weather. The MAB provided me with a sort of tracking device, so I’d be able to find it. Getting into the house was easy enough. I simply walked through the back door. Humans are quite stupid when it comes to locking houses at night. I passed another tiny human’s bedroom on the way to her's, her baby brother’s, as I presumed from the level one monster already under the crib. I finally reached her room last, her human name printed in bright pink letters across the door: C-A-S-S-A-N-D-R-A. So 7673’s name was Cassandra. This was the root of my downfall; where my affection first bloomed from my ice-cold heart. Because I’d never been out in the field before, I didn't know that human names were something monsters disregarded. I found myself thinking she had a cute name. That awful word actually ran through my mind. Cute. I’m ashamed. All was quiet as I entered the room. In the corner next to her closet was a small table with a tea set--stuffed animals sitting in chairs, ready to drink the imaginary tea. I finished surveying the room and turned toward her bed, slithered over to her sleeping form. This was where things were going to get tricky. My friends had told me there were many ways in which one could scare a child. Should I hide in the closet, and then jump out? Should I just stand and watch her until she woke up and saw me? I finally decided to use the growling-in-the-ear method. I think she thought I was the dog, because she simply put out her hand as if to say, No, Toto, I’m not in the mood . How annoying. The second method I used woke her up. I ran my fingers across her cheek in that creepy way. You know. I had just recently sharpened my fingernails into points, and I’m sure the sensation was less than comforting. She woke up with a start, her eyes searching the room before landing on my hulking form. I tried to snarl at her in the best way I could, allowing her to see my jagged teeth. I thought I had succeeded in scaring her when she sat straight up in bed and looked me dead in the eyes, her curls bouncing everywhere as her shadow was illuminated against the pink walls. Even in the dark, I could see her green eyes sparkle with determination as they locked with mine. She was a fierce little human, that much was obvious. She spoke in a squeaky but determined voice. “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not afraid of monsters like you? Go away!” And then she slapped me. The amount of rage I felt in that moment was immense, but I internalized it. I know, I was proud, too. It was then that I saw a light come on from under the door. It was far off, probably a couple rooms down. It didn’t take a genius to know it was Cassandra’s parents. Now you’d think that with me being a huge, angry monster and her being a small girl, she’d be thankful to see that her mommy and daddy were coming. Think again. Cassandra went rigid in her bed. Tears welled in her eyes. Why was she crying now? From down the hall I could hear arguing, bitter words being thrown back and forth between two people. “I told you John! I told you not to come home drunk again! And what happens? You’re absolutely shitfaced! Do you think you’re setting a good example for the kids?” “I don’t give a damn about what you think, and I don’t give a damn about setting any examples! Now get back in bed, you bitch.” I was a bit shocked, but not much. I had heard about human couples fighting like this, about the unchecked consumption of alcohol and what it did to the body. It was then that I heard a sort of “umph” followed by a thud on the floor. “What the hell? What was that? Was that one of her stupid toys again? How many times do I have to tell her to clean up after herself, huh? I’m sick of having to watch out for her shit! Where is she? Is she in her room?” “John, don’t you dare go in there. She’s asleep. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was just an accident...John, please...don’t go in there. I’m begging you not to go in there.” The sound of scuffling could be heard through the door, as if the woman was trying to hold the man back. The man, John, shoved his wife into the wall as he moved past her. I found myself thinking about what Cassandra had said to me earlier, about not being afraid of monsters like me. It had never occurred to me that there could be more than one kind of monster. The realization hit me with such force, I wasn’t sure how to react. I found myself frozen in place, not sure what it was I was supposed to do. Should I protect this kid? That wasn’t what I had been sent here to do, but it felt wrong to leave her to fend for herself. None of this had been addressed in my training. I was still perplexed as to what action I should take when I felt a tiny hand grab my arm and yank me under the bed. The floor was covered in dust, with a pair of shoes and a tennis racket discarded in the corner. There was a spot on the floor amidst the dust particles where the wood was perfectly clean, though, like a small circular space that had been specially cleaned of dirt. I realized it was the spot where Cassandra crouched whenever she hid under her bed. How often did she hide here? Weren’t human children told that’s where the monsters like to lurk? Now, I could see Cassandra clearer, and I noticed bruises on her arms and legs. She had a scar across her temple, right at her hairline. I didn’t want to think about what could have given it to her. This whole situation felt wrong to me, on multiple different levels. For one, I’m not particularly good at hiding. I’m a six foot, intimidating monster. I’m the one kids hide from. Could this little girl be trying to protect me? I could feel her shaking next to me. She was scared, that’s for sure. She was afraid of her father more than she was afraid of me. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Should I feel like a failure? Like I hadn’t done my job? I thought that was what my boss would say, and I was surprised to discover that I didn’t actually feel that way. I was mad, angrier than I’d ever felt in my life. I'd always been told that monsters and parents were on a spectrum, at opposite ends. The monsters scared the child, and the parents comforted them and loved them. Mommies and Daddies were not allowed to change that. They had no reason or permission to be the scary ones. Even monsters know that children don’t deserve that. Monsters and nightmares are a part of life for most children. Having a bad dream or seeing a scary monster is terrifying, but waking up and knowing that it wasn’t real and that the monsters have better things to do than scare you helps a kid realize how strong they really are inside. The bedroom door swung open then, knocking pictures off the wall. Cassandra’s father stormed in, yelling her name. As I peered out from my hiding spot, I could see his shoes were scuffed and untied. His legs moved aimlessly in no pattern, telling me he'd consumed so much alcohol he could hardly stand upright. More banging sounds ensued as the man flung open Cassandra’s closet, thinking she’d be in it. When he didn’t find her, he shouted to himself before making his way to his daughter’s desk. He picked up a small glass orb with small white flakes floating inside of it, and inspected it for a few seconds before throwing it against the floor. Shards of glass flew everywhere as the tiny globe shattered, the liquid from inside oozing into the carpet. I turned to see Cassandra curled up in a tight ball with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her face was pressed against the floor, and I could hear her sobbing. I had to do something soon. I couldn’t just stand by and watch Cassandra be scared by someone who wasn’t me, who wasn’t the right kind of monster. Her father, finally figuring out where we were hiding, stooped down with a certain amount of effort. He thrust an arm under the bed hoping, I assumed, to grab his daughter’s wrist and yank her out from her safe haven. In that moment I made my final decision. I found his hand and latched onto it. His palms were callused and rough. I was uneasy thinking about how capable they’d be of hurting Cassandra. I almost lost his grasp from how sweaty his fingers were. Stupid humans, always clenching their fists. It took the man a brief moment to register what he had caught, and I could tell he was confused once he realized it wasn’t a small wrist or anything close to human skin. Quickly slipping out of my grasp, he jumped back in a delayed surprise. He backed himself into the corner of Cassandra’s room against the wall as I slinked out from under the bed menacingly. I didn’t have to think about how terrifying I wanted to sound this time. All my anger towards this vile creature bubbled to the surface without me having to give it a second thought. It brings me great joy to remember his face as I stood up and towered over him, letting out a noise that vibrated throughout the room. It was a look of pure terror. His horrified expression helped me realize why other monsters think I’m the best at what I do. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cassandra peering out from under the bed. Her eyes were wide with a mix of fear and wonder. I don’t think she had ever seen anyone or anything overpower her father until that moment. Right then, that was when the ice that had encased my heart for so long finally cracked, and I realized for the first time what caring for someone felt like. I had disregarded everything my job stood for, and I was proud. I hadn’t scared the child like I had always been told I must do, I had protected her instead. Nobody was allowed to scare her but me. She was my responsibility. I was a real monster. I’m not going to relate the rest of that night’s events with you. Let’s just say that I decided to help my new friend Cassandra fight off her father. The problem didn’t resolve right away. It took months and a countless number of visits before I could convince Cassandra’s father that he didn’t want to mess with me. He got the message though. I don’t think he’ll be bothering anymore, and if he tries, I’ll be there to interfere. John had a hard time accepting being called an alcoholic and abuser to his face. I made sure to inform the boss that Cassandra would be my permanent assignment, and of course he agreed. That monster will do anything to keep his position at the MAB secure. I can’t give you a straight answer as to why I’ve developed such an attachment to this human child. I think it’s because I know that eventually, she’ll be too old for my protection. If I know humans at all, I know they are ignorant. I want to protect Cassandra for as long as I can, because I know this won’t be the last time her father drinks alcohol. I guess I just want her to know that there are good people, and monsters, out there too. I suppose my story about Child 7673 serves as a lesson for all you humans. I hope you understand why monsters like me are the ones who scare children, but I also hope you understand that we do it with love, because we care. They are just as much our responsibility as they are yours, and they should be scared in the nicest way possible. That’s what it means to be a monster.