text: Someone tapped him on the shoulder. “Excuse me?” Josh turned to see a stubby little man smiling at him. “Aren’t you the guy from that movie?” There are few things more tiresome than standing in line for coffee but signing napkins for ‘fans’ who don’t even know his name is definitely one of them. The line moved forward several inches as one more person succeeded in placing their order. &#x200B; “Excuse me?” *God dammit.* Josh prepared to put a smile on before turning again. “Is that your car?” He spun and looked out at the carpark. “Does it normally smoke like that? I wouldn’t know,” The little man shrugged. “I’ve never owned a Tesla.” Abandoning his place in the line (but to the joy of those queuing behind him), Josh ran outside. “Oh god!” he exclaimed. “What the hell happened?” Thick black smoke was rising from under the bonnet and curling up into the sky. Even stood a few feet in front of it, he could feel the heat on his face. Josh whipped out his phone and began to dial 911. But just two digits in, the phone began vibrating in his hand. He answered. “Hello?” “Josh - it’s Mallory the production assistant. Make-up just called. You haven’t arrived yet. Where are you?” *Shit.* He’d been out last night and woke up late. “I’m on my way. I promise.” He began. “Just car trouble.” The production assistant sighed. “You’re due on set in half an hour. Hurry up.” She hung up. &#x200B; The door to the store banged open as the stubby man barrelled out. “The manager’s called the fire service. They’ll be here soon.” Josh pocketed his phone and stared in disbelief as the first visible flames licked the windscreen - the paint had begun to peel. “What a mess,” the man began, “Looks new too!” “One week...” Josh mourned: he was rich, but not new-car-every-week rich. “Isn’t there some way we can put it out?” he wondered aloud. The man beside him raised his arm, leaned back, then emphatically tossed his coffee onto the bonnet of the burning vehicle. &#x200B; Josh’s pocket began vibrating again: he answered. It was George, the director, and he was *not* happy. “When I agreed to cast you in this film,” he lectured, “there was an understanding that you would put the part-boy lifestyle on hold. People are depending on you. We cannot have any more delays to the shooting schedule. Please tell me you’re in make-up now?” “No, I’m not in make-up,” Josh put his head in his free hand. “I stopped for coffee and now my car is on fire.” There was a brief pause. “What?” the director replied. “My car. It’s on fire. I can’t get to set yet - but I’ll be there soon - I promise!” George scoffed. “Yeah, right. I guess that video of you doing shots with Taylor Swift at ONE O’CLOCK THIS MORNING has nothing to do with it? Get to set now you lazy fuckin’ asshole. In fifteen minutes, we shoot.” He hung up. &#x200B; Josh paced the sidewalk then glanced up at the inferno in front of him. “Come here,” he told the stubby man, who quickly sidled over. “I need a photo.” He held his phone out. “With me?” the man grinned incredulously. “No.” Josh resisted the urged to push the man backward into the flames. “Of me - with the car.” The little man held the camera up while Josh positioned himself in front of the burning wreckage. His nostrils filled with the scent of pumpkin-spice and burnt rubber. *This will make that stuck-up moron eat his words.* &#x200B; His agent was calling. Was this necessary? He was only a little late now! Christ. Josh answered the call. “I’m coming! But my car’s on fire, or didn’t you see?” he started. “Oh, I saw!” His agent’s clearly-exasperated voice retorted. “And so did the marketing team at Tesla. They’ve pulled your endorsements and you’re being photoshopped out of the ads you just shot.” “But!” Josh tried to interrupt. “Expect a deformation lawsuit in the next 48 hours. Ang good luck finding a new agent. I can’t do this again.” She hung up. “Ahh!” Josh yelled into the sky. “Has everybody lost their minds?!” As if in answer, his phone rang again. &#x200B; *Probably trying to get his butler to come pick him up* the stubby man thought as he lamented the futile loss of his latte. Josh put the phone down and crumpled down onto the pavement; his sweaty, shiny face lit by the flames. Tears appeared up in his eyes. The stubby man wandered over. &#x200B; “I’ve been fired.” Josh sighed. “Ha!” The stubby man giggled as he raised his finger and pointed at the burning wreckage.