text: [HM] The Day I Went to the Worst Doctor in the Universe The Day I Went to the Worst Doctor in the Universe One day I just knew it was happening, or I should probably say, and this is what alarmed me and Jim (more so me, because I still don’t know if Jim was just pretending to be alarmed when I told him, just because he thought it was what a normal person would do) what WASN’T happening. I couldn't feel my blood pumping and I knew if I didn’t do something about it then it could probably be harmful. I don’t know exactly how long you can go without your blood pumping before you start to feel some ill effects, and I wasn’t going to sit around all day waiting to find out. “You should probably go to the doctors” said Jim, “it would be very interesting to at least hear what they would say when you tell them, don’t you think? Maybe you should even record it so we can play it to our other friends so they know what to do if the THEIR blood stops pumping.” I still don’t know if he actually cared because it almost sounded like he wasn’t as concerned as he was trying to sound, almost sounding sarcastic or something. “Yep, you’re right”, I said. After a shower and a change of clothes, I startws the long walk down to the doctors, and luckily Jim came along for the walk because he said he really didn’t want to wait to hear what the doctor said. Jim’s car was broken and it was a really hot day so the walk wasn’t very fun. About halfway there I told Jim I was pretty sure that my blood had completely stopped pumping all together, because I couldn’t feel it. “Maybe we should run the rest of the way,” said Jim, “you don’t want to go for too many hours without your blood pumping” and I agreed. He was a faster runner than me, so he kept looking back telling me to try and run a bit faster, just to be safe. By the time we finally got to the doctors I was pretty puffed, and because I don’t do too much running my heart was going like crazy. Jim said he would wait outside near the smoke shop so he didn’t get in the way of the doctors, but said he would wait all day if he had to just to hear what the doctor had to say when I was finished and came back out again. “Thanks,” I said, because I was glad that he had my back, so I went inside. “I need to see a doctor, it’s an emergency, because my blood has stopped pumping”, I said. The nurse shook her head at me and said there were others waiting to see the doctor with more serious problems than mine. There must have been something funny on the TV in the waiting room, because one man started laughing into his handkerchief and said that I could take his spot, because he wanted to be around to also hear the doctor’s results, but I don’t think he really cared at all and just wanted to keep watching whatever funny thing he was laughing at. Just at that point the doctor came out and called the man’s name, and the man motioned at me and said “you go in mate, you obviously need some serious help from somebody”, but he almost had a smirk so I really don’t’ think he cared as much as he pretended. As I went into the doctor’s room, the doctor was a little puzzled as to what why we were switching. “What seems to be the problem?” he asked. “It doesn’t seem to be a problem, it actually IS a problem, otherwise I wouldn’t I wouldn’t even be here,” I said. “Then what IS the problem?” he corrected himself. “My blood isn’t pumping, and I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure that could be serious if left to go on for too long,” I said, showing my concern. He gave me the strangest look and after a few seconds asked “how did you get here?” I thought that was a strange thing to ask so I said “what does that have anything to do with it?” He responded with “No, I’m serious, how did you get here?” Happy that he was now finally being serious I told him that I walked half the way and then ran the rest of the way. “How long do you think your blood has not been pumping?” He continued. “Well luckily me and Jim didn’t go to sleep last night so at least I know it didn’t stop in my sleep. I haven’t felt like it was pumping since about morning time.” He took a deep breath, slumped back in his chair, and looked like he was thinking about his diagnosis. “You’re fine,” he said, “just go back home and try and get some sleep.” I was astonished. “I can’t believe this! Aren’t you at least going to do some tests like they do on tv with a testing machine or something? How long until it starts pumping again?” I asked. “Have you and your friend been taking any illicit substances in the last 24 hours?” he asked, but I was clued on to him. I tapped the side of my head knowingly and said I’m too smart for him, and that he can’t trick me into admitting to taking all the methamphetamines that me and Jim smoked last night and this morning and that we didn’t even have any left anyway so nobody couldn’t prove anything. He almost chuckled before regaining himself as if to remember that he was a professional and needed to act like one. “You’re fine, just go home, and maybe lay off the illicit substances,” he said, then got up and opened the door, motioning for me to leave. “This is ridiculous,” I yelled, “how can you for one minute think I’ll be fine with no blood pumping in me?” and stood up from my chair. He rolled his eyes and reached for something on his shelf. At least he was taking me serious now and was maybe getting the testing machine. “Well, for one, you’re standing upright, and two...” he said thrusting a mirror in my face. “You see those veins popping out of your forehead?” he asked. He had made me so mad that the veins were almost popping out, and I could even see them in my neck. “If your blood wasn’t pumping then you wouldn’t see that” he continued, then almost pushed me out of his doctors room. He was right! That doctor had made me so angry that I think my blood started pumping again. He may have cured me, but surely there are better ways to heal people in this day and age. As I walked away I heard the man in the doctor’s waiting room almost crying but trying to hide it from me, so obviously something sad was now playing on the TV. When I walked outside, Jim was there with a big smile, and you could see he couldn’t wait to hear what had happened. I told him everything and he fell to the ground holding his stomach, and started slapping the ground with his eyes shut, his mouth open more wider than I had ever seen it. Was Jim’s blood now not pumping also? Luckily, we were right outside the doctors, so I told him he better get up and go inside because his blood might not be pumping also, but he only started slapping the ground even harder. When I started calling for the nurse he quickly started to come round again and said told me to stop calling the nurse and that he was fine. He said he was just happy to hear I was okay. He was so happy he even had tears running down his face and was breathing funny. We then walked back home as Jim replayed the recording of my doctor visit over and over with a smile, while I was just thankful my blood was pumping, thankful I didn’t fall for the doctor’s tricks to admitting to drug use, and also happy that I was only lying to the doctor when I told him we didn’t have any left. The End. By Nathan Egbert.