text: 's writing prompt: You are an aspiring author writing a novel. One day, when your main character starts talking to you, you decide to kill them off because you want to write a "normal" novel. The main character, however, isn't so obliging... Today was looking to be a good morning for Susan. She had her coffee, her laptop, and her favorite writing playlist playing in the background (a mix between gospel music and gangster rap). She told herself today was going to be a productive day of writing, but she didn’t think that was true anymore. To her surprise, her novel was writing itself. Specifically, the dialogue of the main character. It was being typed on her laptop’s screen, but Susan wasn’t doing the typing. “Hi,” said the main character, “you must be God.” “God?” Susan said, puzzled by the idea. “Well, I guess I am sort of your God, I did create you. But you’re not a completely original idea, you were actually based on some of my-” “God, I don’t mean to be rude, but I kind of want to ask you some questions.” Susan felt conflicted. On one hand, her Christian upbringing made it uncomfortable for her to hear someone call her God. But her feminist side felt that it was nice that the main character had looked at her and instantly accepted her as God, instead of asking where the God with the penis was. Deciding that having a big ego wouldn’t be good for an aspiring writer, she finally said, “Just call me Susan.” “Okay, Susan. My first question is what’s my name?” “MC.” “No, I know, but what does MC stand for?” “Main Character.” “...Really?” “It’s temporary.” “It’s just that you’ve already have a bunch of names for the planets, weapons, and even spells-” “Look, names are hard,” she said defensively. “And I’m not even sure what gender you’re going to be or what race. MC is just a placeholder for something else, I promise.” “Alright. My second question is what’s my purpose in life?” “Oh, that’s easy! You’re the main character of my novel!” “Wow! I mean I sort of guessed that from my name, but to be the main character! That’s amazing.” Susan smiled, glad that someone besides her seemed to be excited for her novel. “So, what’s it about?” MC asked. “About?” “Yeah, what’s the plot? The story? Surely you have a basic idea, right?” “Yeah, of course I do,” she lied. “Great, what’s it about? What’s my role in the story?” “Well, let’s see. Where to start? You’re the son- or daughter- of this king- or queen- of this planet. Your dad’s side of the family uses fire magic, and your mom’s side uses ice magic. You grow up thinking you don’t have magic, until you turn 16, then you...” This went on for a painfully long time. Susan went over everything from her fictional setting’s religion to its fast food establishments, but still no real plot whatsoever was in sight. “That sounds very... nice,” MC said (the ellipses weren’t actually there, due to the fact that Susan would’ve been able to see them herself on her screen, so the ellipses here are merely for illustrating that MC thought Susan was full of shit). “But I’m still confused about my whole role in this novel,” they continued. “What do I do exactly with my- what did you call it?” “Aether magic,” she said. “Right, that. Do I use it to help people? Or like defeat an evil emperor?” “Evil emperor? Don’t be ridiculous, MC! This is a very mature novel with complex characters. You do have an antagonist, but he’s morally gray. You can’t really call him a bad guy.” “Really? What’s he like then?” “He’s this emperor with dark magic-” “*Dark* magic?” “And he uses his powers to destroy planets.” “...And?” “Well, I haven’t worked out the details, but the reason why he destroys planets is because his parents died on a planet once.” “That sounds incredibly, unambiguously evil,” they said bluntly. “Hey, I wasn’t defending the guy’s actions!” Susan said, starting to get annoyed. “I’m just trying to explain his evil- his morally gray motivations.” “Right. Sorry if I sound harsh, you’re clearly just starting to write the novel. I’m sure you’ll be able to fill in the gaps as you write more of it. How long have you been writing this anyway? A couple days?” “*5 years*,” Susan mumbled. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that, how long did you say?” “5 years.” “You’ve. Spent. 5. 5. 5 years on this novel? AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN COME UP WITH A NAME FOR ME?!” “...Yes?” MC didn’t respond after that. Susan, deciding that the words written by the MC was enough writing for today, took the day off and binge watched that TV show she’s been meaning to finish for a while. \*\*\* Today was looking to be another good morning for Susan. She had her coffee, her laptop, and her other favorite writing playlist playing in the background (this time a mix between country music and lofi hip hop). She told herself today was going to be a productive day of writing, but she didn’t think that was true anymore. To her surprise, her novel was writing itself. This time, all of the novel was writing itself. Susan began reading. *“Emperor,” they said, trying to keep their voice from trembling. “So this is it, huh? Just you and me. I always knew it was destined to end this way.”* *The Emperor, who usually looked smug, wore a somber expression. He looked intently at Aether, trying hard to remember them as the friend who was like family to him once. But now that was gone. Time had taken away even that from him.* *“We don’t have to do this,” the Emperor said, his voice shaking. “You can still help me end the tyranny.”* *Aether pointed at the Emperor and yelled, “You killed all of those people! Planets are gone because of what you did! My parents, they-”* *“I did what I had to do,” he responded coolly. “Those planets were too dangerous to be kept around. I would’ve never won the war otherwise, and your parents were-”* *“What?” they said angrily. “They were what? Tyrants? Don’t make me laugh,* ***Emperor***.” *“Someone needed to rule.”* *“I agree.”* *Aether drew their sword, the last thing given to them by their parents before their demise.* *“Surely, you don’t think you can kill me with that, do you?” the Emperor scoffed. “I’m in possession of dark magic, Aether. I can destroy planets, what do you think you can do with that?”* *“Nothing,” they said honestly. “But I know you. No matter what you say, I know you still have some of your honor left. And that honor won’t let you kill me with your magic. You’ll fight me with your own sword.”* *The Emperor stood still. He could feel the dark magic calling out to him, telling him that they could help him take care of this nuisance. All he needed to do was snap his fingers, and...* *The Emperor drew his sword. The sword was usually for show, but today it would be used to decide the fate of his empire.* *“I hope you fight well, old friend,” the Emperor said.* *“Me too,” they said, readying their stance.* *They lunged at each other* “What the hell is this, MC?” “I see you’re awake. Surprised you’re up this early considering how late you stayed up trying to finish that show.” “You wrote my story without me? How dare you?” “Technically, it’s *my* story. It is my life after all. Anyway, I thought you’d be thrilled. I’ve written more of this story in one day than you have in 5 years.” “This isn’t even what I was going to write. Aether wasn’t going to be your name, it was going to be your magic!” “Yeah, sorry about that. To be honest with you, I’m not really sure what an Aether is supposed to be. But since it sounded cool, I just used it as a name.” “And the Emperor? Why wouldn’t he use his dark magic against you? It makes no sense!” “No sense?” MC- now Aether- said. “This makes no sense to you? And somehow the ‘morally gray’ guy who blows up planets does?” “Look I’m sorry, but this is unacceptable. *I’m* the writer. I should be the one writing the story.” “Oh, sorry I took over the story you were never going to write!” “Okay, that’s it!” Susan started to furiously type. Aether panicked. “What are you doing?” they asked. “*Aet- MC saw a man with a gun. This man pulled the trigger*” Aether, realizing Susan’s plan, fought back with their own typing. *and they dodged the bullet.* *But then the bullet came back like a boomerang, making its way towards* *Aether, who had drawn their sword and sliced the bullet in half.* *Little did MC know that a meteor would fall* *into the ocean, a safe distance away from Aether.* This went on for a while. Susan, who had fingers and therefore was feeling them cramp, finally gave up. “Okay, okay, you win,” she said. “I’ll stop trying to kill you.” “Jeez, thanks,” Aether said with as much sarcasm they could muster through text. “But I’ll be the one writing the story! Let me pull up my notes and fix-” “About that,” they said nervously. “I kind of deleted it.” “...Youdidwhat?” “Look, you were wasting so much time worldbuilding that you had no time to actually finish your story! I did you a favor by-” “Ispent5yearswritingallofthat” “Susan, are you okay?” “5yearscomingupwithmagicplanetnames” Susan lifted her laptop over her head. Aether typed quickly, desperate to preserve themself. “You don’t have to do this,” they said, realizing how screwed they were. “They were just notes, you could always just-” But it was too late. Susan was no longer looking at the screen. With no hesitation, Susan chucked the laptop against the wall, hearing a satisfying crunch as it made contact. She stared at the laptop on the ground, thinking about what she just did. “Shit,” she said. “What was I thinking?” She looked mournfully at the device. “I can’t believe I just broke my laptop.” “You bitch.” Susan turned around and faced a reflection of herself. Except it wasn’t a reflection. And it couldn’t have been herself, because Susan didn’t remember owning a sword. It dawned on her who the clone might’ve been. “MC?” she asked hesitantly. “My name is Aether,” they said, now somehow feeling angrier about the nickname than the attempted murder. “Don’t move, or I’ll chase you and stab you with this sword.” “The Aether blade.” “Shut the hell up!” Aether walked over towards the laptop. Susan, who hadn’t ran since high school gym class, thought it best not to try escaping. Aether picked up the laptop and set it on the table. They looked shocked as they looked at the screen. They said, “Holy shit, it still works.” “Oh, thank god,” Susan sighed. “I didn’t want to buy another one.” Aether chuckled as they stared at the laptop’s screen. Susan suddenly didn’t feel thankful about her laptop’s durability. Still chuckling, Aether began typing with one hand. “So, how did you manage to escape?” Susan asked awkwardly, feeling a bit like a James Bond villain who had failed to kill with their deathtrap. “It was nothing really. All I did was type, *Aether escapes into the real world*. Good thing I did that before you tried *smashing me out of existence*.” “Oh, that,” Susan tried to say nonchalantly. “That was an accident. My hands... slipped.” “No wonder you can’t write a story,” Aether sighed. “You can’t even tell a convincing lie. Also I can see my reflection on the computer screen. Jesus, how narcissistic can you be to imagine the main character looking exactly like you?” “What are you going to do to me?” “You’ll see soon enough.” \*\*\* Today was another morning for Susan. She had her coffee, her laptop, and no music playing in the background. She told herself today was going to be a productive day of writing, but she didn’t think that was true anymore. To her surprise, her novel was already written. All of it. “I guess I finished it,” she said in disbelief. *Strange*, she thought. *Why was I just talking out loud just now?* She shrugged. What did it matter? She finished a book! Something she’s been dreaming of doing since middle school. Deleting the notes was painful, but apparently it led to her finally writing the book she had always wanted to write. She smiled, happier than she had been in a long time. *Aether stood over the Emperor. They had won, fair and square. Winning the duel made them the Emperor now, all they needed to do was kill...* *Aether dropped their sword.* *“What are you doing?” the Emperor said, almost sounding angry for having been spared. “You have a chance to rule, why don’t you?”* *“I don’t want it to happen this way. I’m not like you, I’m not a* ***killer***.” *The Emperor scowled at Aether. Then he bowed his head.* *“You would’ve been the better ruler,” he said bitterly.* *“Maybe,” they admitted, “but everyone deserves a second chance.”* *The Emperor looked at his old friend with a confused expression on his face.* *“Look, you did what you did. You can’t change that, but you can still make things better. You can still choose your own path, write your own story. And if you’re worried about slipping up again, don’t worry. I’ll be there to watch over you. And I will stab you if you go the wrong way.”* *The Emperor smiled and said, “You came here with a sword, beat me, and now you’re sparing me so I can ‘write my own story’? Even though I tried killing you multiple times? You really are a softie.”* *“What can I say?” Aether said, also smiling. “I’m a fan of happy endings.