text: We were drifting Mark and I I blamed myself, everything I touch slowly dies. "Stupid, Stupid, Stupid" I screamed into the night there was no one to hear me scream no one to hear my pain. I sobbed and heaved we used to be so close. "What do I do" What would you do when the person you love the most leaves you? What do you do with all the knowledge you have about them.? I know Marks favorite song I can still hear it like it was yesterday. "Mark" I whined loudly as he turned up the volume on the dash board. "Oh come on Jonah you know you love this song." I scowled as Uptown Girl blared through the speakers for the hunderth time. I scowled again but didn't say anything more I knew Uptown Girl is his favorite song. I blinked my eyes watering with tears in them I blinked them away as fast as I could I would not cry, I couldn't cry. I still remember his favorite ice cream flavor it's burned into my brain. "Come on Jonah stop be such a geek" Mark said to me he was stretched out on my bed hands behind his head his deep brown eyes were looking straight at me. I gulped as I let my eyes trail down further he was in a simple black jeans and black tee shirt but the tee rode up a bit making me be able to see his skull tattoo on his stomach. I looked away before Mark could see my wandering gaze and my bright red cheeks. This is Mark your friend your straight friend bad Jonah, I scolded myself lightly. "Mark we have a test tomorrow I want to be prepared." Mark looked at me with those piercing eyes just before he rolled them in annoyance. 'Come on my little geek lets get ice cream." Mark replied sitting up on my bed where he was previously laying. "But Mark" Mark raised one of his eyebrows perfectly silencing me down. "You've got this J don't worry okay you can do this but you need a break." I sighed but I could never say no to him when he called m J. It was such a simple nickname but it made my heart flutter, my head spin, and my knees feel weak. "Alright lets go" I said shaking my head and trying to hide a smile as Mark bounced up from my bed, grabbing his coat and pumping his fist in the air in victory. I fell to the ground my bottle broke effectively cutting my hand I relished in the burn and the sting it made me feel again after feeling so dull for so long. I still know how Mark never sleeps with out the window open I always was worried but Mark said he could protect himself. "Mark what if I don't know what if someone tries to break in while we sleep Mark that's not safe." Mark rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. "Jonah you don't have to worry i'll be there to protect you nothing will happen to you on my watch got it." I sighed I wasn't worried about me I was worried about Mark. "Can't you close it just for tonight please Mark." Mark huffed but walked over to the window and closed it. "Happy now I won't get any sleep tonight." Mark glared at me I rolled my eyes as I sat down on his bed and grabbed one of the blankets he had lying around. "Yes you will will watch a movie and you'l be out in no time." "No I won't but whatever." We were half way through the movie when I heard a soft snore I smiled softly as I brought my hand up to brush against Marks forehead. I feel my head was spinning and pounding it felt like someone grabbed a knife and shoved it in my head. How do I forget? Make me forget I screamed as memories of that day started to drift into my mind oh god I thought as I clutched my head. I could still feel his hands on me for the very last time the last day I would ever get to call Mark my friend. I was sitting in the hall crying my knees pulled to my chest as I heaved and sobbed, clawing at my chest. I heard feet pounding on the floor but I was to weak to even dream of getting up. "Jonah are you okay." Mark's voice came through my head I grabbed at him and he easily pulled me into his chest hugging the living daylights. "Jonah why didn't you tell me." Mark said I sighed the whole school had found out I was gay because of stupid Mary. She was mad I was friends with Mark and dug up dirt on me sharing it all over social media and telling everyone at our school. "I was scared of what you would say" I said barely above a whisper I could feel his calm heart beat which slowly soothed me. "I don't care Jonah your like my little brother." A pain hit my heart so hard like burning fire I gasped and shook harder. That's what he thinks of me his brother. "So who's the lucky guy" I looked away my cheeks were pink and wet with tear tracks. "No one" I rushed out quick to quick because Mark gave me a unimpressed look before shaking his head. "Come om who is it I wanna know so I can make sure he's good enough for you." I laughed Mark looked at me like I was insane maybe I was maybe I had finally cracked but I just couldn't stop laughing. "You Mark it's you" He removed his hands from me quick a horrified expression on his face. "I would never like you, that's disgusting god i'm not like you." He shuddered as I cried hard harder than I ever had in my whole life. "Never talk to me again" He said and walked off in the other direction. That's how I got here a bottle slicing my hand to boozed up to even care, why should I i'm poison I only destroy what I love. I could fill myself slipping into oblivion and I thought oh Mark I hope your happy.