text: You caressed my face as I rested my head on your lap. I was beyond tired, and emotionally drained, but the gentleness of your hands made me forget about it all. I looked up at you and smiled, in appreciation of your kindness. You smiled back and kissed my forehead. I loved every second of that moment. I thought that if the heavens we were taught of in churches were real, they may not compare to the bliss I felt with you just then. However, there were still recesses of my mind that held onto hesitant thoughts, doubts, darkness I did not want to confront... Was it worth it? Did I...Did *we* do the right thing? What happens now? Will you still love me? Will you even need me? My heart raced, and my peaceful smile slowly dissipated. I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, if I should feel...I was scared. I mean, why wouldn't I be? You caught on to my change in mood, and asked me if I was alright. To which I obviously replied with a lie, but you saw right through it. "I can tell something's bothering you" you said, almost sounding like a saddened and worried mother. I turned my downhearted gaze away from you and towards the distance beyond the hill on which we currently resided. "I--I don't know...", I replied, confused and unsure of what to say. "What don't you know?" I debated myself. Should I tell you? Will she understand? What will happen if I anger her? Deep within I still questioned you; I questioned your humanity. Three months ago you had done things many would deem horrible and dreadful. Hell, I even helped you, and I was concerned about it all, and evidently I still am, but back then I was frightened of the potential outcome for myself. Now I worry about the morality of what we did, and those who we sent beyond the veil... "Love" you interrupted my thinking with a sad voice "please talk to me" I still did not know what to say, but I had to at least tell you something. Though I was conflicted, my feelings for you never waned. "I'm scared", I confessed as I sat up next to you. “Of what?” The proper answer was long and multifaceted, but I wanted to be concise and direct. Though my concerns revolved about the possibility of you taking this the wrong way, it had to be said. I’d rather be sure my worries were mere delusions brought about by the stress, trauma, and anxiety of all that’s come before this moment, than to potentially head into the lion’s den unaware. “Of what comes next” I said hesitantly. You turned your head slightly, wondering what I meant for a second, but you quickly realized the meaning of my words. You then lightly sighed and raised a hand up to my cheek. “I know we won’t ever be the same as each other. We were made by a different hand after all” My eyes, previously aimed at the ground, gained the courage to meet yours as you spoke. “What we did brought freedom and life back to the world. People were lost, and I know many of them did not deserve it, but we both know many more would’ve been lost if we hadn’t done it.” My eyes went back to the soil beneath us. “I know”, I almost whispered with embarrassment. “That’s not all I’m worried about though...” You turn “Mi amor, are you worried about us? Our relationship?” I stayed silent; that said it all. Your face showed a sense of sadness again. “Are you worried I’m lying about my feelings for you?” I remained silent yet again. Hearing and seeing you show such concern made me feel ashamed. To think I questioned your humanity again after all that...What is wrong with me? Yeah, you may be different. Your kind may not be “compatible” with us by god’s standards, but so what? You being here defies what God thinks and says. You treating me as you do means God’s opinion doesn’t matter. Unless they wanna descend from heaven and do something about it, I refuse to give in to the expectation. “I’m sorry” I said, breaking the silence. “I know how bad that probably comes across.” This time you were the one who stayed silent. However, not for long. “A part of me is largely influenced by your people.” You held my hands and caressed them with your thumbs. “I guess, from your perspective, I’d be worried that I was faking it all to gain what I wanted. I--I get it...” I noticed tears were building up on your eyes. Remorse filled me as I wondered why I had done this. “Do you think I would have kept you around for months after what we did?” your breath became slightly shaky. You were close to full on tears, and I felt horrible. What you said was right. You could’ve ditched me months ago if you wanted to, but you didn’t. There was no use for me anymore, but you stuck around regardless. Hell, we set ourselves up in a cottage together. How much dumber can I be... Silence prevailed for a few minutes while we looked down at the ground preventing the discomfort of looking at each other. I was again unsure of what to say, but again had to reply with something. I simply could not perpetuate the silence while your mind ran wild and tried to think of awful reasons why I doubted you. “I’m sorry”, I said once again. “I’m so ashamed...” You looked up at me once more. “I just don’t wanna lose--” The roaring of engines interrupted my words. As I turned around towards the source of the sound, total fear shocked my nervous system. To think that after this long... The thundering of death echoed through the valley. You hugged me tight as you cried, terrified by the unfolding events. “Te quiero...” I said. Tears ran down my face as I kissed you, and the roaring of the engines fell silent.