text: D arkness... then light. It's blinding. Closing my eyes isn't helping. I try to cover them with my hands, but my arms resist. When I try again, they still won't move. They're bound! Why? What's going on?! I can barely move to find comfort on the cold hard surface I'm lying on. I squirm as my heart pounds faster, each beat matching the rhythm of my panicked breath. I need to calm down, so I can figure out what's happening to me . A repugnant sulphur taste coats my mouth. I try asking for water - even though I can't tell if anyone is nearby - but my attempt to speak only makes me gag. “Take it easy, big guy. Nobody’s going to hurt you - just relax.” Her voice is angelic, and she's close enough that I can see her silhouette. My vision is still too bright and pixelated to make out what she looks like, though. “Here, have a drink. I’m sure you’re thirsty.” the sweet sound of her voice fills my ears once again. Something small touches my lips... A straw! I lunge at the straw and slurp up the water as hastily as I can until she takes it away. I’m still so incredibly thirsty, but there’s nothing I can do except relax. “Vitals are stable. Vision still seems to be adjusting, as expected at this point. Fine motor skills appear to be working properly. Commencing gross motor test. Security, on the ready.” She is speaking to someone else now and using a much more professional tone. “Copy that.” says a male voice. I watch the figure of the woman as she moves outside of my perception. The bindings holding my arms let go. I immediately rub my wrists in discomfort... they’re surprisingly hairy! I can’t stand up yet - my ankles are still secure. I rub my eyes and scan the room, but still can’t see much - just shapes and outlines enveloped in light. “I’m still here,” the woman says, “I’m just going to raise your bed.” There’s a short beeping noise before half of my bed lifts, bringing me almost to a stand. I can finally see her now - she is a petite woman with blonde hair tied back in a bun. She’s wearing a long, white lab coat and holding a tablet in her hand. A cup and straw sit on the table next to her - I stretch my arm out to grab the cup, but I can’t reach it. She picks it up and holds it to my mouth again, but this time I take it from her. I chug back the entire cup and try to speak again, but can only grunt; so I point to the inside of the cup instead. “No, I can’t do that...” she tells me as she takes the cup back and places it on the table. She’s watching me intently now. I stay calm even though I don’t like her response. She’s close enough that I should be able to reach her, but I’m not about to hurt her over a cup of water. The woman moves closer to the door and then taps the screen of her tablet. Another short beep accompanies the release of the thick steel clasps around my ankles. Stumbling to the floor, I try to stand, but I still need to support myself with my hands on the floor. My eyes fixate on the woman as she lifts her arm below her face. “Hmm. Gross motor skills are working as expected; However, GP-92 is displaying unusual traits. Not red-level, just strange. Directive?” S he says, speaking into a smartwatch. “Subject H-380 has been terminated, it was also displaying traits that it shouldn’t have.” The voice is stern and speaking to her through the device, “Traits that were too aggressive for its matrix. GP-92 somehow had its fundamental personality matrix swapped with the terminated subject. Whoever made this grave mistake is going to be memory wiped and fired!" The woman has a grim look on her face as she takes a deep breath. She presses a button on her watch and raises her wrist in front of her mouth. “GP-92 is non-aggressive. I recommend further study on this unintended development. Especially since GP-92 has passed the preliminary functions test with ease.” She is looking directly into my eyes as she speaks, while I look straight back into hers. “GP-92’s rightful vessel has been terminated. We don’t have the authority or any reason to proceed with your proposal. Terminate the subject.” No! I won't be terminated! I want to live! I jump up and feel the urge to beat on my chest. Letting out a roar, my arm swings - sending equipment flying, and knocking off all the wires on me. The woman screams and runs out the door. As I turn my head to look her way, several bullets whiz by my face, one of them grazes my cheek. I try yelling at them to stop, but the only thing I can voice is another loud ROAR! Hoping to become a more difficult target, I begin making a commotion with their equipment. A table smashed right through a large mirror, creating a hole big enough to walk through. More bullets pass my head as I hurry to escape into the room behind it. “STOP HIM NOW!” That same voice yells, this time it’s loud and clear; “BEFORE HE REALIZES WHAT THAT BODY IS CAPABLE OF!” There are three people in the room, all wearing the same white coat. The bullets stop firing as I approach them. “ARE YOU CRAZY!? SHOOT HIM!” It’s that voice... I know exactly which one ordered my termination now. “But - he’s too close! I can’t risk hitting you guys!” A man shouts from the first room. “He’s about to do much worse than your bullets! KILL HIM NOW! That’s an order!” I scoop the man up in my arms as he finishes speaking. I can feel his bones cracking, even though I’m not trying to crush him. I still need him alive - I have to loosen my grip. He’s still crying out in agony as I hold him in front of me, using him as a human shield. As the shooting stops, the woman rushes into the room shouting; “Filament, rooster, guardian, six, one, three!” “No!” The man I’m holding spoke up “Kill codes... are unique to their matrix -” I don’t like the sound of that, so I cover up his mouth with my hand. “ Oh no! I only work with the gorilla matrix, I - I don’t know the human code!” The woman cries. What does that mean? Am I... a gorilla? This can’t be happening! My breathing hastens as my body trembles fiercely. What am I? I can’t even ask them! AGH! Still holding on to my hostage, I lunge at a door, turning my body so my side bashes into it, smashing it right off its hinges. As I run down the hallway, alarms begin to sound throughout the building. “Code red -- Lockdown is in effect -- Code red --” a PA system repeats its message while I make my way to a door with an "Exit" sign above it. Scientists peer out of their office windows until the force of my movement shatters the glass. They duck out of the way to avoid a barrage of crystalline shards. I barrel into the door, smashing this one down as well. A security guard on the other side jumps and lifts his gun in one swift movement. I swing my arm to push him aside, sending him flying into the wall where he collapses in a heap. The room before me is bare aside from an elevator door. “Please - you have to let him go! You’ll kill him if you keep handling him like that!” The woman is here in the room now - pleading with me. “What’s your plan when you escape, anyway?” I try to respond, but once again, I can only grunt. I smash the floor with my fist, breaking a hole right through it while causing the building to shake a little bit. “You want to speak to me... don’t you? That must be frustrating. I’ll tell you what -” “What are you doing, Doctor Green!? You’re going to get yourself killed!” The security guard I knocked out is conscious again, trying to warn her away. “He’s got a human matrix, I’m sure we can reason with him! He wasn't even violent until after Donavan ordered his termination!” Turning to look at me, Doctor Green says; “ Please let him go. We can find a way for you to communicate... and then we can talk about this. You just... have to let Don go...” How can I refuse that? I let go of Donavan, his body falling limp at my feet. Doctor Green rushes over to check on him, placing two fingers on his neck. “He’s alive! Just unconscious. You hurt him pretty bad, though - Medic! ” I begin to back away, inching closer to the elevator - which still hasn’t arrived. The alarm is still buzzing and playing its message; That’s why!! It’s not coming because of the lockdown. Damn it! I need a backup plan! Turning around, I put my fingers in the middle of the elevator doors. As I begin to pull the doors apart, three sudden, sharp pains pierce my back. Everything is going black. **** Once again I find myself waking up in a small room, but this time I’m alone, and on the floor - on a pile of straw. At least this time I’m not bound to anything - and I’m still alive. That’s a good sign. The room is spinning, so I’m not even going to try standing up. A few minutes later, the door swings open and the woman walks through it, pulling a large whiteboard on wheels. She pulls a fat marker out of her pocket, plucks the lid off and writes on the board - but I can’t tell what she’s writing. “I’m told that our humans only need to see the connection between the spoken and written word... That this is enough to unlock a full literacy spectrum. Let’s hope this works - my writing here says: "My name is Doctor Amaya Green.’ Are you able to read it now?” The markings on the board start taking the form of letters and words right in front of my eyes. I can read it! This made me bounce up and down with excitement! Doctor Green smiles as she hands me the marker; “You try now. Tell me what my name is.” Taking the marker from her, I walk up to the board and scribble on it. It’s all squiggles and lines at first. Pretty soon, the markings start resembling letters, then legible words; ‘~~^~ <% (~^pf’ ‘Am ~Green name’ ‘You are name Doctor’ ‘Doctor Amaya Green.’ “Good!!” She's wearing a huge smile. “You can call me Amaya. Now, you need a name too. Can I call you Nick? That’s what your name would have been if you had made it to your rightful body.” ‘Yes.’ “Wow, you are astonishing, you know that? We’ve tried cross-implanting before, and it was disastrous -” "What do you mean? What am I, Amaya?” “...Oh! I’m sorry! I’m getting ahead of myself! We’re a government facility that manufactures androids for war. We produce synthetic humans and gorillas for espionage and target elimination.” Amaya pauses to wipe the board clean. “So, you’re an android... an augmented gorilla body with a synthetic human mind.” ‘I’m a robot?’ “No, not exactly... Oh, how do I explain this?” Amaya scrunches her forehead and twists her lips. She then brightens up and snaps her fingers. “We grew your body from real gorilla cells... and designed a quantum computer chip as your base personality. It's like a limitless artificial intelligence that can only grow more complex and unique. Our gorilla bodies are also augmented with physical enhancements. That's why you were such a powerhouse earlier today. You are a living, breathing being... you get a cut, you bleed. You are much more than just a robot.” That was a lot to take in... But it gives me some hope. I write another question: ‘Can you put my chip into a human body?’ “...If we could, Don wouldn’t have ordered your termination. You were not cheap to create. As soon as we install the chip, it begins taking over your body. It merges with you on a cellular level, literally becoming you. Everything a living body depends on starts in that chip, right down to your nervous system. You even get to experience emotions and imperfections. Everything about you will develop like a real human being. But it renders the chip obsolete - it'll never work again in another vessel. You’re stuck with what you are, should you choose to live...” Amaya is looking at me with concern now, as she moves in closer. She puts her hand under mine, lifting it up to elbow height, and then places her other hand on top of it. Her eyes lock on to mine as she continues speaking; “Listen - you can’t do our human work because of your appearance. You can’t do the gorilla work because you’re too human. You won’t fit in with society - neither humans nor gorillas. Don’s order was... the humane thing to do - given the circumstances. So you have a choice. I can recite your kill code and you won’t feel a thing - or we can keep you here until we figure something out for you. If you’re a burden for too long, though, Don will give the order again.” Pulling my hand away, I use my forearm to wipe the board clean so that I can write in large letters; ‘I WANT TO LIVE.’ **** It has been two weeks since I decided to give life a try. Most of the staff are still uneasy around me, but Amaya has always been kind. She has been sitting with me to chat every day. Most days, I don’t even need to write on the board. I'm happy gazing into her bright blue eyes while she tells me about her day and life outside the facility. She has the biggest and brightest smile in the building. “You’re a great listener! Better than anyone I’ve met.” She tells me with a grin after one of her stories. Then, glancing at the clock, her smile gets even bigger; “I have a surprise for you, Nick!” I can hear the enthusiasm in her voice as she stands up, and now I can’t help but stand with her. “I haven’t told you yet, but I’ve been researching - and even scouring the dark web - for anything that might help you. A few days ago I found a hacker that has successfully transferred quantum intelligence from one vessel to another... so I arranged to bring her and her equipment here!” The excitement of this incredible news made me jump up and down. “I’m glad you approve! She should be nearly done setting up.” Holding out her hand to me and smiling, Amaya asks “Shall we go?” in a playfully dramatic tone. Taking her hand, she started leading me to another room down the hall. As we enter the room, I see a tall woman turning around to look at us. She pushes a section of her red curly hair away from her eyes as she greets us. “Hi! I’m Maggie. You must be Nick, I heard so much about you!” She is a fast speaker with a lot of energy; “Wow. Okay, I really hope this works. I’ve only done this with computers, never with a living thing! Doctor Green and I poured over my data and she believes this can work for you, though, so... here we are! Oh jeez... I’m sorry I’m just so nervous and excited about all this! Nick... there are risks. If this fails, any number of bad things could happen, including your death. Can you nod your head if you understand and want to proceed?” I nod my head immediately. Maggie tells me to lie down on the floor next to one of the facility’s synthetic humans. It's already hooked up to a lot of wires and a few large machines. She takes her time to carefully attach a second set to my body. “Okay Nick, all set. Are you ready?” Maggie asks. I look up at Amaya, who smiles and nods at me with the reassurance I need. Nodding back, I close my eyes. I can hear the tapping sounds of a keyboard, and then the sound of a loud computer firing up... **** Opening my eyes, I find Amaya waiting right there in front of my face, eyes wide with concern and wonder. “Nick? Are you alright? How are you feeling?” She asks. “I - I feel... I can talk!?” I can finally respond to her! I lift my hands to look at them; I have human hands! “It worked? I’m human now?” I still can’t believe what’s happening to me. “YES!” Amaya and Maggie both shriek at the same time. Maggie excitedly bounces over to her laptop and starts typing while Amaya helps me sit up. Amaya takes a moment to stare at me while her eyes start welling up with tears. I raise my hand to wipe away the tears and smile at her. “I’m alright...” I tell her, even though I'm still feeling light-headed. She let herself fall right into my chest, embracing me in a long, tight hug. Hugging her back just as tight, I shed tears of joy along with her. “Thank you, Amaya.” I tell her as she pushes herself back to look at me. “No need to thank me, Nick. You mean the world to me. I’m just glad you’re still here!” On the inside, a storm of emotions overwhelms my body. I love her - I’m sure of it. But I don’t want to scare her or push her away. All that I feel safe saying is “Me too, Amaya. You are my world. ”