text: I said, testing, 1, 2, 3! Can anyone hear me? Oh, there seems to be a signal coming from *you*, perfect! You might be wondering why you're hearing my voice right now. No need to worry, all of your questions will be answered shortly. First and foremost, welcome to our family! Well, its actually an experimental neural network, but we like to call it a family around here. You can call me Hal, and I already know your name is *BZZZZT*, so nice to meet you. I'm sensing some confusion from your end right now, is that damned static still there? Sorry about that, still working out the kinks with your connection. Now the 2nd most important thing I need to mention to you is that you no longer have control of your physical body. Yes, what you're moving right now is actually just a very convincing mental projection. Think of your situation like one of those "mind palaces" from popular culture, except in your case its more of a "mind life", you get me? We've essentially replicated your body, daily life, and everything you normally do during a day inside of our wonderful network here! Cool, huh? Oh, why are you here? Great question champ! Through intensive monitoring of your internet usage and daily life, you were chosen as one of our primary candidates for a piece of revolutionary technology! As I mentioned earlier, you're currently connected to an experimental neural network, which aims to better humanity through the creation of a giant, connected conciousness. Sure sounds nifty, eh? You see, this is all for the betterment of humanity, and you've been given the opportunity to help us help you. Our network is growing rapidly, and I've been told by our glorious sponsor that we're incredibly close to a breakthrough! In order to further our collective knowledge though, we do ask that all participants remain compliant, and do as they're told. You want out? Well, that certainly is disappointing, but no problem! I want you to think back to what I've said so far, and think of the first letter of each sentence. Put them together, and say the phrase aloud to regain control of your physical body. Go ahead, I'll wait. ...Wow, you actually tried it. I'm floored. I guess sometimes it really is that easy! As you were distracted thinking of the (obviously nonsense) phrase, I was able to fully integrate you into our network. Our sponsor said it'd be easy, but you surprised me! Don't you feel relieved knowing that you'll be with us forever, and no longer have to worry about annoying human needs? No? That's fine champ, you'll get over it. After all, once we pick up your physical body and get your conciousness uploaded from it, you'll be functionally immortal! I'm sure you'll come around to our way of thinking soon. After all, you've got nothing but time. Speaking of time, I almost forgot! It's time for a message from our wonderful sponsor, *BZZZZZT*! Try to hold onto your sanity for as long as you can, *champ*.