text: Of all the things you’re sure the mind would cling desperately to, the strange desire for companionship is the first to go. I am alone, yet I do not feel lonely. Of course, it wasn’t like that initially. Blind panic struck and both my body and mind scrambled frantically for an escape, back into the arms of those I loved. I’ve never thought much of humankind, yet I’ve realised just how adaptable we can be. How, like water poured into any container, we can take the form of our environment and exist comfortably within it. I suppose there are people I miss. Yet, and I feel a pang of guilt admitting it, it’s not as much as I expected. If I made a list of the positives and negatives of my situation, I’d unfortunately have to admit that the loss of those I loved isn’t enough to tip the scales. I’d been so obsessed with filling every second of every day with what I viewed as progression, that I hadn’t realised the truth. I wasn’t trying to live a rich and full life... not really. I was running from it. I was so scared of what may arise in my mind if left unstimulated that I spent every waking moment trying to distract it. Distraction took many forms, be it meaningless sex, alcohol, or acting out the role of adrenaline junkie. I should be grateful for being consumed by the latter, because that’s what landed me here. The truth was, after the initial trepidation of my situation had passed, I realised that being alone with my thoughts wasn’t the all-consuming terror I had once believed. It was, in fact, incredibly peaceful. I never understood William Henry Davies, I thought his words were ridiculous, but I understand now. At first, I would mark the days by carving into the walls. After the first month time seemed an irrelevance, so I gave that up and I’ve decided to carve these words instead. I hope when I’m found that these words are passed to someone who needs them. Don’t be the donkey that chases the carrot, don’t waste your life trying to chase impossible goals. I also hope that when these words are found I have long since passed. There’s a stream of fresh water and enough insects to sustain me. It’s dark in this hole, only a dim glow from where I fell in penetrates and fills the cavern. Light is another surprising addition to the list of things I do not miss. I don’t want to return to civilisation, that is a rat race I have been glad to see the back of. I see no sheep or cows, no squirrels hiding their nuts. I cannot see streams of stars, nor the sky that they reside within. Yet there is a peace within this hole that I have never felt before. There is peace within the darkness. There is peace within the silence. There is peace within the void.