text: Armand Melton and Molly Bush work as servers at an Applebee's restaurant in Orlando, Florida. It's Saturday night/Sunday morning, and they've just finished a long shift. When Molly accidentally spills cleaner into the outlet where Armand is charging his phone. "Hey, watch it; I just got that phone," Armand says as he rushes over to check it. When he touches the phone, he receives an electric jolt and collapses to the ground. "Damn dude, are you all right?" Molly inquires as she hurries over. Armand awakens, winces, and brushes it off. "Can you hear what I'm saying?" "Are you all right?" Molly asks again, this time attempting to slap Armand across the face. "Yeah, I'm good, get off of me," Armand says as he stands up. Armand looks around, perplexed, and takes off his apron, tossing it onto the bar. "What in the world is this? Is this Earth?" Armand asks. "Oh my God, I turned you into a dementia patient," Molly says, concerned. "Are you sure you're all right; my cousin's a paramedic; should I call him?" "I'm fine, you idiot," Armand says, "but I can't believe they finally caught us." "What do you mean when you say "they" and "caught us"?" Molly asks. "Suflandafgh12#$%, do you remember anything about how we got here?" Armand asks. "First of all, I have no idea how you made those sounds with your mouth, second, we definitely came here together in your Toyota Avalon," Molly says. "You don't remember anything; we are galaxy famous jewel thieves, this is a prison, called Earth," Armand says. "I hear you, man," Molly replies, "for what we make at Applebee's, we might as well be making license plates." "You don't understand; when you go to Earth prison, they erase your memory and put your consciousness in this ungainly meat body," Armand explains. "You know I've been working out. Is it my fault that my left leg is longer than my right, making my body awkward?" Molly says. "It's all coming back to me now; on our last heist, you were supposed to meet me on the moon Leibnitz within the Alpha Centauri star system, but you got arrested for horn doodling," Armand recalls. "Horn doodling? Why don't you have a seat? I might call my cousin after all," Molly says as she tries to lead Armand into a booth. Armand knocks her hands away, closes his eyes, and vanishes. Molly takes a step back in awe. "Wait a minute, what the hell just happened?" Molly asks as Armand reappears behind her. "We're jewel thief aliens who happened to be locked up in a prison called Earth," Armand says. "Okay, I'm not high enough for this right now," Molly admits, "but I'm kind of believing you." "We've been imprisoned for 29 years, but that's all about to change; we're busting out," Armand says. "My next shift is on Wednesday," Molly says, "so I'm available for whatever you want to do." "Let's get out of here; we have planning to do," Armand says as he heads towards the door. "You're right; Janice can finish this up," Molly says as she walks out the door with Armand. "If you only knew; Janice is a serial killer from the Mira Star System, and I wouldn't mess with her," Armand says. They both enter Armand's studio apartment, and he instantly logs into his computer. He opens the SpaceX website and navigates to the Dragon Space Capsule. "That'll get us out of here!" Armand says. "So, we're just going to take the next flight out of here?" "Can I have an aisle seat?" Molly asks "No, we're going to steal the whole damn ship," Armand says. "All right, as long as you teach me all that invisible stuff," Molly says, "let's do it." "The next launch is Monday; the Backside Bandits are back again!" Armand says. "That was our name?" Molly asks. "I know, I hear it," Armand acknowledges. Armand and Molly take the Toyota Avalon and drive to Cape Canaveral on Monday morning. "Here's the plan," Armand says, "I'm going to make ourselves invisible, and we're going to slip into the cargo hold where they keep the food for the International Space Station." "Doesn't everything that goes into space get weighed?" Molly asks. "We'll throw out our estimated weight in food and hide in the compartment. When we get into orbit, we'll jump out of the compartment and hijack the capsule," Armand says. "With what?" Molly asks. "I'm experienced with Canopus ninjutsu; I'll be able to disable the pilots in seconds," Armand says. "All right, then what? Won't that ship only take us so far?" Molly asks. "I've got a getaway ship on the dark side of the Moon; we'll take that piece of trash Dragon Capsule there, and then it's off to finish the big score we never finished 29 years ago," Armand says. "And we're going to be back by Wednesday so I can go to my shift at Applebee's. I can't afford to lose that job," Molly asks as Armand sighs. "I know a black market scientist on a planet in the Beta Canis Majoris system; they'll transform you back into Suflandafgh12#$%," Armand says. When they arrive at Cape Canaveral, Armand makes Molly and him invisible, and they sneak inside the warehouse where the Dragon Capsule is kept. Armand begins to throw out food at random when Molly stops him. "Come on, man, don't throw out the desserts, throw out that meatloaf, it's disgusting. It's going to be a long flight; I'm going to need to eat something," Molly says. Once the weight is correct, they enter the compartment and wait for the Dragon Capsule to board and launch. "Good morning, America. SpaceX will launch the Dragon Capsule to the International Space Station today. There, they'll collect a month's worth of trash and return Lieutenant Warner to Earth, who has spent a whole year in space away from his family and loved ones. This is definitely a historic event," says the television announcer. "Three, two, one, liftoff of the Dragon Capsule to the International Space Station." Due to the G pressures, Molly and Armand push aggressively against the back of the compartment when the capsule is launched. "This ship needs new shocks; every turn in this thing makes you feel it," Armand says. The Dragon Capsule enters orbit and begins its route to the International Space Station. Armand and Molly exit the compartment, knock out the ship's pilots and seize control of the capsule. Lieutenant Warner and an astronaut peer through a window on the space station at the coming Dragon Capsule. "Lieutenant Warner, I'm sure you're overjoyed to be returning home," the astronaut says. "It's been a hard year; I miss my wife and children." Lieutenant Warner states, "I dedicated a year of my life to science; now it's time to devote the rest of my life to them." The Dragon capsule is getting closer. "There it is, your taxi home," the astronaut says, smiling at Lieutenant Warner. The Dragon Capsule then makes a left turn and heads out into space. "Where is it going?" the astronaut asks as Lieutenant Warner widens his eyes. "Oh my God, I'm never getting off this pneumatic tube! Forget you guys; I'm going to jump for it," Lieutenant Warner declares as he heads for the airlock chamber before being tackled and restrained. Lieutenant Warner grasps at the window as the Dragon capsule continues to move away from the space station, on its journey to the Moon. Two NASA scientists are seated in front of a simulation. Armand and Molly are fast asleep, drooling on themselves, wires and other monitoring devices attached to them. "You owe me $20; I told you they had a way out," one of the scientists says as the other pulls a $20 bill from his wallet. "What are the chances? At least we now know they had a concealed spaceship on the dark side of the Moon," the second scientist replies. "What do you want to do with these two idiots?" The scientist asks. "Put them in solitary, fire them from Applebee's, and give them jobs at Arby's," the other scientist advises. "That'll teach him not to hide spaceships on the Moon.