text: I actually just emptied out my refrigerator and fried every ingredient in butter, even the milk carton. It smelled horrible. It was toxic,nasty. I have to keep away the bad things. I fried these things because there are two monsters in my closet, and they demand that I do certain things. Most of the time, they want me to burn something, but sometimes they get weird with it, and make me fry or melt certain objects. Today it was the contents of the entire refrigerator. My husband is at work, and I don’t think he’ll be too happy with what I have done, when he gets home. I have always kept my monsters a secret from him, and it has been fairly easy because the monsters have, up until this point, asked me to destroy small items. A single piece of broccoli. A plastic figurine. An earring. But this will be impossible to hide! It must have been, what, two-hundred and fifty dollars worth of groceries completely obliterated! The house smells of burnt plastic (I had to fry tupperware), and also fried meats and vegetables. They won’t let me keep the things I burn or fry, so even though there is some great cooked chicken, steak, and asparagus which I would otherwise store back in the fridge, they cannot stay in the house. They all must go in the woods. There is a dense woods in our backyard. I have to go about fifty feet in, and put it in the same pile as I put the other things. I am going to lug it all out there now. It’ll take twenty minutes because I have to make multiple trips. Okay. I just got back. I’m sweating. The pile is getting really rancid and I hope no one finds it. I hope a large animal comes and finds it, and eats all of the contents. Pigs eat everything, don’t they? Maybe a wild pig. If a wild pig doesn’t come by and eat all of my evidence in the next couple weeks, I’ll have to buy one, and set it free. All while my husband is at work, of course. I went to our bedroom to check and see if the monsters were doing okay. One of them is green and fuzzy; your typical, run-of-the-mill monster. The other is tall and thin, and he changes colors all the time. I told them that I had fried everything in the refrigerator, and may I please have the rest of the day off. They said yes. I knew I needed to go to the grocery store and re-stock. But I was so tired. They have me doing things that take up so much energy and time. I don’t feel like I am even living my own life anymore. I am their slave. They told me that if I don’t do what they say, they will come out and introduce themselves to my husband, and then he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore because of all the hassle. Its so much easier to be married to a woman who doesn’t have monsters following her wherever she goes. I agree that he’d be pretty pissed off. So I laid down and took a nap. He’s going to be home any minute. I love him so much. I’d do anything to keep him. He’s my best friend. What if I burn the house down? Would that destroy the monsters? I’m going to consider it, for now. My husband is my rock. I love him with all my heart. I’m going to put on some lipstick and kiss him, tenderly, the minute he walks in the door.