text: Big wide and open room. Coffee and stale doughnuts on the black table in the corner. Circle of people sitting on creaky chairs. All of them looking up at me. Mom is sitting next to me. Waiting for me to speak. “Speak your piece.” She said. I get up. Glance around the room and take a deep breath. “Do you ever seek advice on the internet? For me, that answer is yes. Every freakin’ day. I can’t make a single decision without consulting reddit. It’s exhausting. I honestly don’t know why I just can’t stay away. My name is Jessie, and I’m an addict.” ... Wake up alone in my one-bedroom apartment. It’s about 8 am. Feel the warm sun splash across my face. Turn over. Grab my phone off the nightstand. Missed call from Mom. Scroll through my homepage on my phone. There’s always something new or interesting that happens overnight. Can’t miss anything. Slowly drag myself out of my bed. Hop in the shower. Get out. What should I wear today? The red plaid flannel with black leggings? The Beatles tee with jeans? Boot up my desktop. Hop on /r/femalefashionadvice. Get a response within 5 minutes. Looks like I’m going with the red plaid flannel today. What should I have for breakfast? Looks like /u/sefronn made scrambled eggs with portobello mushrooms. Guess that's what I’m having. Drive to class. Pretend I don’t see the call from Mom. She leaves a voicemail. PSY 200. Boring lecture class. Why am I even here? The professor is just reading off the Powerpoint. Scroll through reddit. Aww /u/jarzyniowski posted a funny video of his dog. It’s taking everything in me not to laugh out loud in class. Lunch with Leslie and Matt. They keep droning on and on about something that happened in their lives. I get out my phone. Scroll through reddit. /u/CatherineEarnshaw65 just asked for help on designing her bedroom. Leslie and Matt get irritated that I’m not listening to them. I apologize to smooth it over. They aren’t that mad. They know how I am. Work at the library. Check materials in and out to students. Laptops, textbooks, chargers. Scroll through reddit during downtime. My feet hurt from standing. People keep asking me stupid questions. “Can I get a charger?” “What type of charger?” I say. “Macbook”. What type of Macbook people!!?!? There are four different types of Macbook chargers. How am I supposed to read your mind? How people can be so stupid? /u/Librarylover97 agrees with me. Finally get off work at 4 pm. I’m exhausted. Scroll through reddit before I drive off. It’s close to dinner time. In a debate with /u/masterlimbas and /u/ilovelabradors over the merits of spaghetti and meatballs vs. spaghetti carbonara. A knock at the door. Mom’s here. Shit. I didn’t think she’d come so soon. She’s dragging me to another meeting. What’s she threatening to cut off this time? Rent. Of course. We get to St. Joseph’s. I don’t know why she keeps doing this. It’s not going to work. I’m not ready. I’m not changing who I am, just because people don’t like it. I’m fine the way I am. No one will change that. Finally get out of there around 10 pm. Take a shower. Lie down. Scroll through reddit. Fall asleep. Rinse. Wash. Repeat. A few months later everything changes. Why? James ... I literally bump into someone after class. I’m scrolling through /r/punny on my phone, not paying attention. Spilled his coffee all over his clothes. He makes a joke about it. He’s not even mad. I offer to buy him a new one. We end up taking a short walk to The Split Bean in the student commons. Red comfy chairs. Dark brown wood tables. Friendly baristas wearing beanies. The scent of coffee in the air. We get to the counter. He just orders a black coffee. /u/_coffeehipster says that guys who order black coffee tend to be straightforward and simple. Sure seems like it. He tells me his name is James. He wonders what got me so engrossed that I crashed into him. I show him that in /r/punny, /u/daivatpbhatt, wrote “A man hid all his stolen money in the washing machine, which amounted to about €350,000...He was later arrested for money laundering.” He thought that was pretty clever. ... James sits next to me in class and passes me a coffee. He’s been doing that ever since I bumped into him a month ago. No matter what I say, he just won’t stop. He’s being...nice. We get to talking about how the professor is way overpaid to do nothing. After class, he offers to walk me to lunch. Sure, why not? And just like that, he’s on my mind. When I get home that night, I ask on /r/dating, what should I do when I get butterflies? Just go for it. ... We’re sitting at Fresco Alta. The restaurant is nice, dark, and quiet. The tables are covered with red and white checkered tablecloths. James ordered the spaghetti carbonara. I have to decide between the lasagna with meat sauce and ricotta or spaghetti with meat sauce. /r/food to the rescue. Lasagna it is. James asks me what I would think about us being in a relationship. I tell him that I need some time to think about it. This would be the first relationship that I’ve had, where I didn’t need to go on /r/r4r. The first relationship that doesn’t start out on reddit. It’s...different. It just feels so different. I ask on /r/dating, how should I proceed? Everyone tells me I’m crazy if I don’t give this a shot. So I do. What do I have to lose? ... From the outside, I see Leslie and Matt sitting in a booth in the corner. James and I walk into the Split Bean. They are both interested, intrigued, and a little bit suspicious that I am finally bringing him around. Within seconds, James has them cracking up. He shares stories about his life. They tell him how on earth they deal with me. When James leaves for another class, they tell me that they really like him. They tell me he’s a breath of fresh air. /u/TheYellowRose agrees. ... I’m cooking dinner for date night. I have to make a choice between baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli or red wine braised short ribs, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. /u/MightySnowBeast convinces me to go with the short ribs. He says that it’s way fancier. I think he’s right. James approved and tells me he loves my cooking. I’m about to post asking whether I should make chocolate lava cake or a chocolate mousse, but James choose instead. He doesn’t understand why I have to go to reddit for every little thing. He says that I’m capable of making my own decisions and to just go with the flow. Maybe...maybe he’s right. ... Another day, another PSY 200 class. James sits right beside me, as usual. As we walk out, we hold hands. He tells me he loves me for the first time. I don’t hesitate to say those three words back to him. I feel like I’m walking on a cloud when I head to lunch with Leslie and Matt. We gush for a straight hour. I don’t even feel the need to look at my phone. Head to the library around 1 pm. I continuously check materials in and out to students and scroll through reddit during my downtime. I finally get off work at 4pm and I’m so exhausted. ... I wake up around 9 am. I turn over and grab my phone off the nightstand. There’re no missed calls from Mom. I have to fight to drag myself out of my cozy bed. I get in the shower. I sing sappy love songs before I get out. What am I going to wear? I think I’m going with the Beatles tee with jeans today. ... I meet James for breakfast at Jackson’s Golden Spoon. It’s a cozy little diner across town. It has all of the feeling of a classic diner with cute retro booths. James orders scrambled eggs with bacon and toast. I need to decide between pancakes or French toast. I decide to go for the French toast with bacon. ... My mom comes over for the first time in a long time. I decide to cook creamy garlic butter Tuscan chicken over a bed of fettuccine. James brings over a bottle of wine. We sit down eat dinner. James really turned on the charm and actually impresses her. Throughout the entire meal, she is beaming from ear to ear. She laughs at every one of his jokes. She’s actually thrilled. I don’t hear any threats. She tells me she’s excited that she doesn’t have to drag me to a meeting. Everything is actually falling into place. I honestly can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. ... James isn’t answering his phone today. It’s very odd. I wonder what’s keeping him busy. ... He hasn’t picked up for the past two days. What is going on? He hasn’t been in class either. I don’t know why. Maybe he switched classes? ... I’ve been worried sick about James all week. I’m walking with Leslie and Matt to the Split Bean when I see him. He was sitting and holding hands with another girl. I walked up to him and asked him what was going on. He got up and told me that he never loved me. I was just some weird girl who spends way too much time on the internet. He couldn’t believe that I actually thought we had a future together. I ran out of there sobbing. Leslie and Matt followed me, but not before throwing hot coffee on him. I call out of work. I can’t handle it right now. My life feels like it just shattered into a million pieces. I go home. Get into bed. And cry into my pillow. ... Couch. With takeout pizza. And wine. And Ben and Jerry’s. I just don’t understand. Why? Why would he do this? What did I do? Was I such a bad girlfriend? I thought we were in love. Was everything a lie? Every moment we shared...every feeling. He changed me. I thought I could never give up the one thing that made me happy. But I did. I didn’t need reddit. I spent all my time with him. I gave up the one thing that made me happy. But I wasn’t enough. ... Wake up around 8 am. Turn over. Grab my phone off the nightstand. Missed call from Mom. Scroll through my homepage on my phone. What did I miss? Slowly drag myself out of my bed. Hop in the shower. Get out. What should I wear today? The purple dress? The black peplum top with jeans? Boot up my desktop. Hop on /r/femalefashionadvice. Get a response within 5 minutes. Looks like I’m going with the black peplum top today.