text: Ron Gaston walks up to the checkout lane with his groceries. "OK, I see we have one head of lettuce, some random nuts and berries, and one stick of chewing gum. That'll be $80; will that be cash, credit, or plasma donation?" "Eighty dollars? I guess the price went up since last week. Credit, I guess." The cashier swipes his credit card. "We'll be launching a layaway option next week, allowing you to pay in installments." "Does that come at an extra cost?" "No, we'll hold your nuts and berries for free until you pay." "So, it's the same as tonight; only I don't receive a snack at the end." Despite being the town mechanic, Ray walks home since his truck has been out of gas for three months. On his way home, he notices various signs of the town's desperation. At the furniture store: "Buy a couch and get a back rub from my wife for free." At the tailor: "Buy one suit, get one free... and a back rub from the furniture store owner's wife." At the massage parlor: "Buy a couch and a suit and get a back rub from the furniture store owner's wife." Ray walks up to his gas station and looks up at the sign: $10.98 for regular, $12.04 for mid-grade, and LOL for premium. As he approaches the light, he notices a van with an out-of-state plate getting gas. "Just traveling through?" Ray asks. "Oh, yeah, the interstate was down due to a huge accident. I'm trying to take backroads." "Good plan; thanks for coming by." Ray heads inside, eyebrows raised, where his wife Laura is behind the cash register. "A customer? We can finally afford that loaf of bread we've been talking about." "I know; he paid cash too." Outside, the customer is having difficulty starting his van, and Ray walks out to see what's the problem. "It won't start." "Do you mind if I take a quick look?" Ray can tell it's an alternator as soon as he looks under the hood. He feels terrible for the guy because he was only trying to take a shortcut and ended up breaking down. "It seems to be the alternator; we can order one and have it in a couple of days? It's going to be expensive. Do you have credit?" "Money isn't an issue; I'll pay cash." "OK, then, I'll order it tonight. Why don't you check back in a couple of days? We'll get you all fixed up." "That sounds good to me. One thing though, don't go poking around the back of the van, alright?" "Certainly, your van, your business." The man takes out his phone and begins scrolling. "Is Uber available out here? Nevermind, 30 minutes. I'll see you in two days." "Alright, see you then." Ray returns to the gas station. "Did I hear you right, an alternator? Did you get the money up front?" "Trust me; he's good for it." "How do you know that?" "He just ordered an Uber." "An Uber? What is he a millionaire?" The next day, Laura visits Ray, who has already begun installing the alternator. "How are things going?" "We're ahead of schedule." "Isn't it odd that he told you to stay out of the van? I'm curious what's back there." "Leave it alone. Whatever it is, it is none of our concern." "What if it's a dead body, a kidnapped child, or, worst yet, he wants to sell us solar panels?" "There's nothing back there except a slew of boxes. Leave it alone." Laura walks to the back of the van. "Come on, aren't you interested in what's in those boxes?" Ray follows her to the back of the van. "Stop; the last thing we need is for this guy to think we're snooping through his stuff." While Ray watches nervously, Laura opens the back door and carefully opens a box. There were stacks and stacks of cash inside the box. "Whoa! One of these boxes contains around half a mil in cash." "We have to put it back and pretend we didn't see it." "No way! This could be our ticket out of here!" "What do you want to do, steal the money? Do you honestly think he won't come after us?" Laura begins to rummage through the cash. Ray realizes that Alexander Hamilton is wearing eyeliner and pulls out his own ten to compare. All of the bills are fake. "They're all fakes!" "Who has this much counterfeit money?" Ray remembers last night and goes to the cash register to examine the bills he paid; they, too, are fake. "He's taking advantage of us!" Ray yells. "We can't afford to take a hit on the alternator." "We need to turn some fake money into real money." "Nobody cares about one-dollar bills. We'll be able to get away with it if we spend them in different places." Ray compares a one-dollar bill to a fake. "The only difference I see is that George Washington is wearing a woman's scarf." "No, that's in the real one; in the fake, his brows are arched like Martha just put on that girdle he likes." They drove to the city to spend several one-dollar bills after Ray fixed the alternator. They purchased groceries, gas, and a subscription to Gas Station Gourmet. They realized that at this rate, they would never make up for the alternator. Laura also had to tell everyone she was a dancer down at Bazooms off the 909, open till one, no cover before eight. She thought she might have to go through with it until Ray had a better idea. The local casino slot machines would take the larger bills without suspicion. They could never return to the casino, but it would get the job done. That night and into the next morning, Ray and Laura exchanged approximately $100,000 in counterfeit money for real money. They were exhausted when they returned to the gas station in the morning. The van's owner arrived late in the morning to pay for the alternator and handed Ray some cash. "Thanks for getting it done so quick. I put an extra hundred dollars in there because I paid for my gas with movie money last night by accident." "What's that, movie money?" "Yeah, I work for a prop company; I'm delivering fake money to a movie set. Honestly, I was a little worried about leaving it here overnight." "Laura, did you hear that? This guy has movie money in the back of that van." "What happens if you spend some of the movie money?" "An honest error, like last night, no worries. But I might be in big trouble if I spend a lot of it." Ray and Laura turn ghostly white. "Hey, you two don't look too hot. If you want to see a movie being made, they're filming a scene at the local casino; that's where I'll be bringing the movie money; I could get you in if you want.