text: I’m not really special, I’m dead. I don’t know how I died really, that’s a weird thing about being dead. Who knows if it was suicide, a car accident, an overdose, or an animal attack. At least I remember who my family is. Day 1: They found my body, took them long enough. And what you’d expect happened. There was shock, tears, anger, and regret. I can’t feel sad anymore, but I would feel for them even if it took 1000 years. Day 2: Today the funeral took place, it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted people to be happy at my funeral, like one last birthday party with cake, and balloons, and gifts. But the gifts would be for each-other. I never wanted a nice casket, but I also didn’t think I’d know what casket I had. Day 3: Everyone is sad. I tried to communicate with them, but of course I couldn’t. I tried to let my brother at work know I was still here, I tried to let my sister taking care of her kid know I was here, but nothing worked. I wish I could tease them, love them, and hold them again, but I understand why I cannot. Day 7: I forgot what color my eyes are, and I forgot which one of my feet were missing a toe. Kind of strange, whenever I look in a mirror it’s like looking at what a blind person sees. Not black, nothing, indescribable. My family is holding up well, I wish I could miss them so much, but I can’t. They are getting back to their lives. My brother met a coworker at work and now they’re friends, my sister watched her child take her first steps. I hope they will be happy soon. Day 23: Today I forgot my favorite food, the exact shape of my face, how long my hair was, and I never noticed but my hands don’t have those indents in them. My brothers dating his coworker now, my sister is struggling to raise a child alone but is pushing through, I also forgot the small things I do, like, I don’t know; waving to the mailman, or dancing in the kitchen, death is easy though. Day 135: Today I forgot what my voice sounded like, I forgot how tall I was, and I forgot almost all of my personality. My sister is watching her baby learning to talk, she finally got a name too, Sammy. My brother is happy with his girlfriend, he got a new job by the way. It pays much better than his old one. Money never really mattered did it? Just what we use to survive, all of us. All of this watching makes me wonder why I don’t see anyone here, also watching their loved ones. Being alone forever only allowed to watch live continue, is this hell? Day 826: Today when I looked in a mirror, there was nothing left. I saw nothing that was me, nothing was left me of me, besides some faint laughter I couldn’t do anything, besides watch. I forgot about my parents. They forgot about me too, dementia doesn’t that to people. They forget. They forget what you look like and who you are. My brother is getting married soon, and my sister is watching her baby go to preschool. I never stopped trying to communicate with them, but I think they did. Day: 2793 I forgot how it felt to feel. When I died I remembered what being scared, happy, sad, distressed, and desolated felt like. But now I can just watch. There isn’t even an “I” anymore. Just a soul watching, hoping, to not be alone. But I can’t even feel lonely. My brother is married, and is having a kid. I can’t even think anymore I can just observe. My sister is taking her kid to 5th grade. I don’t know if she’s happy, Sammy, that was her name. I wouldn’t know if she was sad either. Day: 2794 I saw my brother today, but he was dead. The gun was in his hands, he couldn’t handle it. I could finally talk with him, hug him, play games with him, and be there for him. As I went closer to his soul, he shouted. “Who the heck are you?” I realized now that in this moment, I actually died, and he would too, so I cried.