text: Some things, I never expected to see. There she was, a bald woman with a small suitcase, offering me a glass bottle of shampoo. Not only had I never expected a door-to-door shampoo seller to knock on my door, I didn't even know door-to-door salespeople still existed. And I’d certainly never pictured them looking like this--bald shiny head, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, but a pretty and polite smile. “It will only take a moment to hear me out,” she said, smooth and even like honey. “You won’t regret it.” I was hesitant. Why would I buy shampoo from a stranger who showed up unannounced at my doorstep? And from someone without any hair... it wasn’t like she could be an advocate for the product. But the woman seemed nice and nonthreatening, and I really had nothing better to do with my evening. Buying shampoo from a bald woman would certainly be a novelty. So, I let her in. She told me that her shampoo was a unique formula that would leave my hair feeling silky and smooth. I decided to take a chance and bought a flask of her shampoo. Door-to-door sales can’t be easy and one bottle wouldn’t break the bank. I figured it would be worth it if only for the story I’d tell after the fact. As soon as she left, I headed straight to the shower to try it out. I looked over the bottle. Nothing special about it--just a glass bottle with an unremarkable paper label stuck onto it. Though I had my doubts about keeping glass in the shower. Still, I ran the water and when it heated, I hopped in. The shampoo lathered easily in my palms, and I spread it through my hair--thinning now that I was in my thirties. As I applied the shampoo to my hair, my scalp started to feel tingly, almost electric. Were I to be negative, I’d say it burned. Sometimes such sensations mean a product is working, but it wasn’t a feeling I liked in a shampoo. I’d decided to wash it out quickly when my hair detached from my head, falling in clumps to the shower floor. It flowed into wormlike hunks and started thrashing around on the floor like a living creature. I was horrified. My back hit the shower wall as I attempted to escape the little hair creatures, but there was really no escaping in the enclosed space. What was happening? Was this some kind of bizarre reaction to the shampoo? The saleswoman had been bald, I reminded myself. The hair writhed, moving toward my feet. I started stomping on my hair, trying to make it stop moving. Water splashed up and the hair continued to writhe, movements more erratic now. I stomped harder, eyes wide with terror. What if those hairworms crawled up my leg or under my toenails... I had the most horrible pictures playing through my mind. Eventually, the hair stilled, and I was left standing there in shock, staring at the mess on the shower floor. The water rinsed it slowly down the drain, leaving clumps of hair to block the water. I jabbed at it with my toe, trying to encourage the hair to disappear. But I didn’t wait for it all to go. I leapt out of the shower and stared at my newly bald head. My eyebrows were gone too. What had that woman and her shampoo done? That's when I noticed a message on my mobile. I opened the text with shaking fingers. It was from the woman who had sold me the shampoo, and it explained everything. According to the message, human beings do not naturally have hair. Bald and beautiful is the natural state of humanity. Hair, all human hair, is an alien species that has been mentally controlling us since the cavemen first hunted, since before homo-sapiens existed at all. The organization that the woman works for developed a special shampoo formulation that kills these alien creatures, freeing humans from their control. The message went on to explain that I was now one of these "Warriors of Freedom," a shampoo seller tasked with spreading the word and freeing humanity, one bottle of shampoo at a time. I was shocked and confused. This all sounded crazy, but my experience in the shower had been all too real. I stared at my bald reflection for what felt like hours before the sound of my doorbells shook me from my stupor. I dressed and walked out to the door. On my doorstep waited boxes and boxes of shampoo. I reopened the text. Warrior of Freedom didn’t sound bad. I’d certainly been called worse things in my life. And I’d always kind of known hair was part of some tyranny. I mean really... when has hair ever done any good? Everything made perfect sense. I knew that I had to do something. I pulled the boxes inside my house and then sat to plan out my next moves. First friends and family, I decided. I’d start to spread the word, telling the people who mattered most, and who would most easily buy shampoo from me, about the alien species that had been controlling us all along. At first, they would think I was crazy, but then when they tried the shampoo for themselves, they’d see the truth. After all, I had. Soon, I would have a network of Warriors of Freedom working with me, freeing humanity from the aliens' control. We would sell shampoo door-to-door, at local markets, and through online platforms. I wouldn’t tell everyone beforehand what it did, of course... no I’d make some lie that the hair overlords listening in would like. Looking back, I never could have imagined that a door-to-door shampoo seller would change my life forever. But she did, and now I can be part of something bigger than myself. Who knows what other unexpected things might happen in the future? All I know is that I'm ready for whatever comes my way.