text: She hurts from the inside. Where others see beauty in her, she sees pain and sadness. Hers is a story only she can tell, but to do so would let people in. She can’t do that. They’d only hurt her more. No, she needs to keep her story untold. Besides, no one would understand anyway. She sees things so differently than others. She feels almost too deeply in all things. Would someone, anyone, ever be brave enough to love the darkness she’s become? Could anyone dare to every try to light a fire in her desolate soul? It was doubtful, time had long ago destroyed the beautiful fertile ground that used to be inside her. There’s a hollow emptiness inside her that scares even her. How could anyone ever lover her with the passion and acceptance she needs... that she deserves? When did things get so screwed up and how did she end up here she wonders. Life was not supposed to be this - it should have been the happy ever after, prince in a castle - hell, now she’d settle for a damn home to call her own. Maybe that was the problem, she was willing to settle. She’d done it all her life and was used to that. It was just easier. But she wasn’t one for being weak, and easy equaled weakness in her eyes. She battled these ferocious demons daily. She wears the weariness on her face and tries to hide it under all the make-up she can, but the lines show through. She played over and over again in her mind all the mistakes of past relationships. The way she allowed the men to manipulate her, her thoughts, her actions, even how she felt about herself. Years of therapy would never explain it. She knows that. It was time for her to be tougher than she ever was. She knew she was enough, well, most days she thought maybe she was. This last heartbreak destroyed her more deeply than the others. She loved him and trusted him with everything. She allowed that because she thought maybe this time, this one, was different. Oh, he was, not doubt, just not the way she had hoped. The entire relationship was a lie. Everything. She wasn’t loved, she was used. Never even given the chance to be his everything. He decided even before the first date that she’d never live up to his expectations. The more she tried, the more he found fault and blame. Even after the breakup he continued to lie to her and about her to others. She couldn’t even fight to clear her name. It tore her up inside, knowing that people she once knew and loved now hated what they thought she was. Lies. She was so very tired of all the lies that were told. Was anyone ever even slightly honest these days? Doubtful. She looks in the mirror every day and sees the stress of the life around her. She has nothing left to give anyone. Except for her kids. She’d do anything for them. Time to get out of this darkness and get on and into life. The sun was shining warm and bright into her room now. She loved Florida, loved living here with all the sand and heat and palm trees. Paradise to her.