text: I shivered at the reflection on my dressing table mirror. I couldn't recognise the person I had become. Trying to hold on to the edges of the table as a quake tore through me forcing my glass of water to move to the rhythm. Trying to hold my lips shut as a loud shriek fought to be released. And what shook me so bad? Memories, too many of them. Some of them I couldn't believe I survived. And the girl looking back at me, she was terrified. The tan on her skin seemed to be slowly fading into the darkness around her. Her pupils shrank to merely a spec floating in the white of her latina eyes. I wished I could hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't tell her to calm down when my own heart was racing. Couldn't sing her to sleep when the only song on lips was that of death and torture and the evil that is... Sex trafficking. Why am I even here? I should be dead with each piece of me buried in different depths of the seven seas. Where my family would never find me. Where clownfish would make my skull a chamber for their eggs. Where I would be at peace. Then came a loud bang at the door. I jumped to my feet and rummaged through the table-top for a weapon. Any weapon. I finally grab hold of a pair of scissors and as the banging persists I curl up into the tightest little ball. It's how I protected myself, even though it barely ever stopped them from hurting me. "Valeria, is everything okay? You're up in five," the voice at the other end tried to calm my nerves," I know you must be panicking, but don't worry. You're going to be okay." It worked. I realised that I was not in a brothel in Amsterdam nor some perverted billionaire's luxury yacht. I was backstage at the New York Amphitheatre. I was supposedly safe and about to give a speech to thousands of young women out there. Tell them the story of how I survived the dark world of sex trafficking. About to make them believe that I made it out whole. But was I ready to lie that I didn't leave a piece of me behind. Was I ready to pretend that the scars had left my soul? Ready to relive it all? "I'll be out there in a minute," I silently muttered as I slowly rose to sit at my table. I locked eyes with her again. She seemed a little calmer, but I could still see the terror painted all over her face. Then I looked down at her lips and there was blood flowing down at both corners. I don't know what came over me, but I felt a burning desire to help her. After all she was me and I was her. I took out my handkerchief and reached out to wipe the sparkling crimson blood off her pretty mellow face. If only I had known... I happened to cut right through the silver. I could feel my hand on her face and a warm tear ran down her blush red cheeks onto my knuckles. Then she grabbed my hand and pulled. She wanted to leave that place, and fast. I resisted as hard as I could but I failed. She pulled me right into the other side of the glass and next thing I knew, I was lying facedown on a cold cold floor. The air caressing me was freezing. The stench of cheap perfume was choking. There was loud drunk chatter outside and deafening jazz music desperately trying to mute the cries of the girl next door. I felt empty and scared. I recognised these two emotions so much, I didn't have to open my eyes to know... I was back at the place I hated the most. The hellhole I was lucky to escape. The place where it all started... I was back home. As my mind raced out of control, trying to snap out of whatever illusion I was trapped inside, I heard a familiar voice. And that's when I was sure that somehow time had reversed itself all the way back to my time in Amsterdam."Valeria, are you in there?" And it was followed by three distinct knocks. "Lorenzo, is that you?" I asked with narrow disbelieving eyes as I crawled to the door. "Yeah, I brought you food," he softly said in the tone I remembered all too well,"I saw the client just leave, so I thought I would check up on you." It was him. But how could it be? He took a bullet to the head right in front of me all those years back. The mafia not only took away my freedom and my innocence, they also took the one thing that kept me sane. But by some heavenly grace, my sanity had returned to me or had I lost it even more? "But... But... But... You're not..." I stammered to tell him he was dead as I unlocked the door slowly just to be sure it was him. "Not allowed to? I know," and he walked in with a tray of sweet smelling somethings," But you know I..." He laid his eyes on me and his face dropped. He put the tray away and knelt to caress my face," What did he do to you?" I looked down at myself and saw I was barely wearing a thing, which was weird because the minute before I was in a glamorous red velvet dress. And I had bruises all over, not to mention the blood flowing down my legs. And I remembered this moment from long ago. A wealthy politician had booked me for the night and tortured me. But after seeing the condition his beatings put me in, he had ran off before finishing his time with me. And as Lorenzo looked into my eyes, holding me and waiting for an answer, I forgot everything about the new life I had made. I forgot that I didn't belong here, that I belong in the present, not this haunted past. That I was pulled in here by the girl in the mirror, I forgot it all. And all I could say was," He hurt me, Lorenzo," as I cried into his muscular arms. He held me tightly in what felt less like a hug and more like him strangling the politician. But it was warm and I felt safe. After a few minutes of peaceful, yet awkward silence, he looked into my eyes again and spoke with his eyes red," They will never lay a finger on you again, we leave tonight." As I said, in that moment, I forgot everything that was to happen after that. In that moment, I forgot what I needed to remember. I was back to being that blank little teenager, full of hope and fear at the same time. All I could feel was how badly I wanted to leave, so I mistakenly uttered the same words I did so long ago," I can't take it anymore, baby, let's leave all this terror behind, but tonight? There's the grand anniversary tonight, how will we even leave?". "Don't worry, I've got everything planned and the three of us are leaving tonight." "Who's the third?" "My buddy, Rancho, he's sick of this place too." "Are you sure we can trust him? He is the matron's right hand man after all." "The matron treats him like crap and he wants to leave this dirty world as much as we do." He sounded sure of his friend's loyalty to him saw I just kept quiet and looked into his blue eyes. I saw the tender love and care in them and just as had happened long before, I planted a deep kiss on his lips. A kiss of hope. A kiss that could say more than my lips alone ever could. I love you, I trust you and I want you to carry me home. One thing led to the other and he lifted me off the floor, placed sweet tingly kisses down my neck and placed me on my bed. Now we were lying down nose to nose after intense making out. He felt my fingers trailing down his pants, but considering my state, he stopped me and asked," Are you sure? You're hurt. Do you really want to do this?" I nodded yes and the rest was history. For a few glorious heartbeats, I was part of him, and he of me. He would look into my eyes and gently hold me as we made love. He was always careful not to hurt me like clients usually did. I swear the way he did it was simply divine. His movement had a rhythm to it and I enjoyed every part of the symphony. It was like watching a great artist paint, but instead of Da Vinci, it was him and I was his Mona Lisa. He tilted his brush at just the right angle and used only the finest of paints. He occasionally reduced his speed just to make sure his brushwork was beyond standard. And as he approached the climax of his masterpiece, he would stroke his brush with gradually increasing vigor and in a blissful blink, he was done. He would moan only at the end, loud enough to tell me I was sweet, but quiet enough to keep us from getting caught. He kissed me, and I, not knowing that this was his last time entangled in my sheets and resting between my legs, whispered," When can we do this again?" And he whispered back," When we're free, my love, when we're free." And another one of his life giving kisses landed on my lips. His hands were back around my waist and I could feel him regaining arousal. I couldn't complain when I wanted the same thing over and over again. I hung my legs on his broad alluring shoulders and he kissed both legs all the way down... But in the middle of paradise, I heard a voice in the hallway. A voice that still brings all the nightmares back, it was the matron." Lorenzo, Lorenzo," he looked up at me with his face all wet," it's the matron, hide!" And he erupted from the bed into the closet. I quickly threw his clothes under the bed and sat there, nervously anticipating her entry. And without a knock she burst in like she owns the place and in her defense, she did. "Hello, my pretty American," she spoke in her sickening Southern French accent," Have you been a good girl today?" I looked down and nodded. "Get dolled up because tonight, you're performing and all eyes will be on you!" And she left, banging the door as she walked out. Lorenzo broke out from the closet in only his briefs. He gave me a confused look and ordered,"You can't perform tonight!" "If I don't they'll kill me," I said under my breath as I pulled my rough thin blanket as if to hide myself. "Don't you get it, Val?" He said as he paced around the room," This ruins everything, baby. I only want the two of us to be free and start a family somewhere out there." Then he came onto the bed and crawled closer. He held my face in both his hands gently and said in a calming tone," Am doing this for us. You can't perform." And I looked away, I couldn't give him an answer. The matter at hand was beyond me. And I thought it over, an escape plan with half a chance of success or my life. I made the same mistake I made so many years ago and I chose... My life. It was time for my performance. As I walked to the pole I spotted him in the midst of the many of the repulsive perverts that frequented this hellhole. That was an undying quality of his, he was a diamond in the rough. I quickly broke eye contact with him as I could not bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. And like I was told to do, I danced my heart out like every other night before that. When you're forced to do something for two whole years, it kinda grows on you. A bullet was fired and I fell from the pole. I wasn't shot, but the sound startled me. Everyone was running every which way and I tried to spot Lorenzo again, but he seemed to have blended into the thick crowd of expensive suits and ties. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked back, it was him. "Take my hand, let's go," and we ran through the crowd. He took me to an emergency exit and we were out of the building. But all of the sudden, we stopped. I looked at him and asked," Why are we stopping?" "Rancho, he was supposed to bring a car," he said. "That won't be happening, Lorenzo," Rancho said as he came up from behind us. We slowly turned back and were met with guns pointed at our faces. Rancho was with her, the matron. She was pointing her gun at me with an evil old hag smirk on her wrinkly face," You thought you could run from me that easily? Well, as we say in France, think again. On your knees, you fools!" "Rancho, brother, put down your gun, please," Lorenzo pleaded as we slowly went down on our knees. But as he spoke to Rancho, he slowly slid a gun into the back of my lingerie. I figured, he was the one who fired the bullet as a distraction. I didn't resist and I adjusted my waist so it would not fall out. Stripper lingerie can be really disappointing at times. "Hands where I can see them," Rancho yelled at him as he went closer to my love. "And you, Valeria. I trusted you," the matron said as she put her gun away," You are our most seductive and celebrated dancer and that isn't enough for you? Once Rancho blows your lover's brains out, I'll have him torture you the same way your favourite client does." She was referring to the visitor from earlier on. The was a frequent at this brothel and he was merciless. But I didn't care about that, I couldn't let them take my Lorenzo's life. So in that second I made the another deadly mistake. One that bought me back my freedom, at a hefty price. I took out the gun from behind me and shot at Rancho. I had never held a gun before so the bullet only scratched his arm. But he was down for a second so I, at lightning speed, pushed the matron away, grabbed Lorenzo and ran. It was while we were running for our lives that I heard another gunshot. I looked back and saw him fall to the ground. Nevertheless, I kept running, tears running down my cheeks, but still running. Rancho and the matron tried to shot me, but I managed to escape. I got to a hidden alley and I stopped to rest. My breathing was out of control and my head was spinning. I was sobbing my eyes out and then in a fit of rage shot at the wall in front of me and I screamed," Lorenzo!!!" Then all I saw was black. I opened my eyes and found three figures looking down at me. My manager,Laura, my sister, Vanessa and my mom. I was in my dressing room again. "Valeria, are you okay?" Laura asked," what happened? your speech is in a minute." "How can you ask about her speech when you can see the condition she's in?" My mother scolded Laura," she's not doing it!" I was glad I was back and as mother scolded Laura, I drifted away in thought and realised I had a lot to be grateful for. I was still alive and about to tell my survival story to millions of young girls. I was about to tell them how to protect themselves from the same, about to give them hope and affirm to them that being a girl wasn't a crime. That the people who do these sorts of things to girls must and will pay. I was an inspiration and regardless of my past demons, I had the power to save so many other souls. And I felt my previous anxiety fade. I was ready. I sat up and said to my mom," Don't worry, mima. I'll be okay." And kissed her on the cheek and stood. As I walked on to the stage, the crowd went wild. I gave a brief smile at their supportive affection for me and I began," If you told me five years ago, that I would be standing here in front of all of you lovely people, I'd have slapped you crazy." And they all giggled. "Because I lost all hope, I lost myself. But now, God has given me back what the devils tried to steal, my life and my happiness." "Just a few minutes before now, I didn't know if this speech was actually going to happen, but I was reminded of how much I had to be thankful for." "That is why I stand before you tonight, to tell you a story. Not just any story," I said to intrigue them as I walked across the stage," the story of how I fell into the lion's den. Of how I suffered, then in the middle of that suffering got delivered and how I found a love that went as fast as it came." "A story that doesn't deserve any other beginning than... Once Upon A Nightmare."