text: College life has been interesting for me. I’d taken college prep classes in high school but they really hadn’t prepared me for the rigors of the university workload. My freshman year was filled with relentless study and requisite class attendance to take it all in. There really wasn’t time for anything else. Once I’d met some mandatory credit requirements of my major, I had a little space to breathe. It was in the middle of my sophomore year that l considered joining a fraternity. There are a lot of them to choose from on campus but I didn’t know how I felt about the idea. I‘m not from a ‘silver spoon’ family. Most of the fraternities seem like glorified social clubs for rich people but you quickly learn that being a member has certain privileges. Both the faculty and other students treat you differently once you join and work your way up the ladder. It’s some measure of artificial respect that (as a socially awkward twenty year old) I could use to my advantage. Like anything else, you have to pick the one that best suits you and hope you are accepted. Word gets around that you tried out and were rejected from certain houses; and that affects how the others view you. I didn’t want to waste my time trying to pledge the really exclusive ones. I didn’t have the money or ‘class’ to have much of a chance with them. The only problem was that the ones I had a realistic chance of being accepted in, were ones I didn’t have any interest in joining. It was like the quote attributed to Will Rogers. “I wouldn’t be a member of any club that would have me.” I observed members from all the campus fraternities, hoping for insight into which one I might fit into. That really wasn’t much help. I was put off by what I saw in those guys. To put it plainly, they were jerks. I didn’t want to suck up to people I didn’t even like. Weeks passed and I started to give up on the idea. It just didn’t appeal to me anymore. I even entertained the idea of starting my own campus support group for nerd students who were not in any fraternity or sorority. It seemed like a clever way around the hazing and sucking up that I wanted to avoid like the plague. I figured there were other outcasts like me who felt the same. That night, I had a crazy dream. At least I assume it must have been crazy. Many of the details faded after I woke up but I was stuck with a very odd detail. “Neptune’s penis is a trident-shaped missile.”; a voice said. To be honest, it was about the only thing from the experience I retained, and that was purely due to it being such a bizarre thing. I didn’t have any idea what it meant or what might’ve inspired it. It was a completely random sentence my mind made up. I grinned briefly about the strangeness of it, and then it quickly faded away. To be perfectly honest, the whole thing might’ve been lost forever, had it not been for an incredibly bizarre coincidence. One that came about a couple weeks later. I was at a party. I didn’t realize it but a couple members of the most prestigious fraternity on campus were also in attendance. I hadn’t even considered pledging to them. Their members were from millionaire families and political dynasties. It was way too blue for my blood. One of them asked if I’d ever considered pledging their organization. It was embarrassing but I admitted that I hadn’t. To my surprise, they expressed sincere interest in me. I didn’t even think they knew who I was. According to them, I had been on their radar for some time. It was all very strange. In just a matter of a few minutes, I found myself at the most exclusive frat house on campus, talking with senior members as if I had some chance of being accepted. They were notorious for turning down varsity team players and academic marvels because their families were not wealthy or ‘connected’ enough. Frankly I knew I didn’t stand a chance at being let in and wondered why they were wasting their time on me. It was an exercise in futility. Still, when opportunity like that knocks, you generally answer, even if you are convinced they are at the wrong house. They assured me that I possessed several admirable qualities that overshadowed my academic and social status but I couldn’t imagine what they might be at the time. My pledge sponsors led me through a heavily guarded hallway and down a maze of corridors until I came to a golden door with a sliding security panel in the middle of it. My sponsor assured me that very few people had ever been that deep into the building. They were going to ask me for a pass phrase at the checkpoint. If they liked my answer, I would be permitted through the door and welcomed into the Alpha Omega house. I gotta tell you, I was incredibly nervous. It was very intimidating. I wasn’t prepared for the ‘cloak and dagger’ secret society stuff. My mind raced. What was the pass phrase? I had no idea. Any second, the sliding door would open and I’d be put to the test. My mind raced. If there was an actual answer, I didn’t have a clue but if it was all a test of how I performed under theoretical pressure, I would just offer up something and hope it suited the doorman. My pledge sponsor stood behind me. I stepped toward the secret door and raised my hand to lightly rap on it. My mind raced. What would I say? I still had no idea but hesitancy was never going to look good to the deciding parties. They were surely looking for decisive men. My thoughts were still blank. Apprehension grew. I had initiated the process with no prepared statement for the Alpha Omega guardian on the other side. Surely that would look worse than just standing there. Inside I was screaming while trying to maintain an outward demeanor of calm. I wasn’t sure if my facade was convincing or not. The door slid open. A voice from the other side said: “Humble pledge to the great house of Alpha Omega: What is the passphrase?” “Neptune’s penis is a trident-shaped missile.”; I spoke as clearly as I could muster without hesitation. There was a pregnant pause and dead silence from the other side of the door. I stood there motionless and just looked at the closed sliding panel. I didn’t dare turn around to gauge the expression of my pledge sponsor. I immediately regretted uttering that ridiculous statement for such a solemn occasion but It was the only thing I could come up with at the moment. Fortunately I heard muffled chuckling on the other side of the gateway. Then laughter. Then my sponsor directly behind me laughed. It seemed like a good sign. I heard the sound of a sliding bolt being retracted. The door opened. I was in. As the newest member of the fraternity, I was sworn to absolute secrecy about the identities of the members and our activities. I’d love to share numerous things but to remain a member in good standing, I must abstain. I don’t know if there is an absolute wrong answer to the passphrase question, but if you are able to make the gatekeeper laugh, I believe you are a shoe-in. That’s a trait they really value. Good luck future pledges to Alpha Omega.