text: You call out for help and it never comes, so you seek it directly, and it answers that it will not help fix what is not theirs, their time is far more important to be spent on you. So you turn and face it alone. And you lose, and the powers that be chide and scold you for your choice of solution. But you had no choice but to guess the solution. You knew you wanted help but you rememberd how you were pushed away. It comes again, you call for help, again a denial, a wave of the hand, you turn and face you problem alone. Again. Stronger you think. "I can do it this time." But this too fails. Another scolding. More chastising. The problems come again. You dont call for help. You're on your own. You know this now. Surely the powers that be have been clear that you must do all of this alone. You fail. It's worse. You should have come to us they say. But you know they would not have done anything differnt. They've trained you to value their time as they do. So you face them down alone. A few successes, many more failures. And something changes. In you? I the world maybe? You're for is batted away with ease. Still some foes leave you defeated, a few more scoldings and comments on your choices. You persevere. The powers look not down but at you admonishingly, proud they say they are, so much more mature, but you feel none of the praise, or the pride. This was no accomplishment to you. It was a war, a war you fought alone, no glory no reward, words are empty now, what once would have made you beam with pride, is now shrugged off for the hollow words they truly are. You know now. You were forced to know, you will not forget for their sake, what have they done to help but turn you into a weapon. A weapon against problems, against yourself. And a new day comes, you meet others that are not like the powers, they are like you, and they look to you to help them, and you know it is your new duty not just to yourself, but to these equals, they need you, and you will not let them down. You know better than that. Something tells you you do not know why such a duty burns within you like a furnace to power your resolve. You turn to the powers, perhaps they know, but you turn away. What good would it truly do. Time passes, you feel welcome for the first time in a very long time, these equals turn to you in times of need because they trust you. And you trust them, but ask nothing of them, it seems wrong you think. And another new day Dawn's, and you must move on again, and it hurts. Many of these equals have helped you when you needed it. Far more than the powers ever have. But one felt closer than any of the others. Even the sibling equal you met who did not stand behind you when you faces your foes, but beside you. This one got to your heart, and had to leave it, and a new pain appears you do not understand. Another trip to the powers, that ends as soon as the thought enters your mind. I have a duty. That is what will get me through this. And it does. But a wound is a wound. And this one bleeds... You begin a new journey, many equals left behind, some still promise to be beside you in spirit, and for the first time you believe that you are still not quite alone when they are not near. You meet new equals, and even some beyond your own, some gravitate towards you, as if they know what you are. What you can do if need be. And you feel welcome again. Your duty is needed here. This journey is different, the powers are not close. It is truly your journey, and you force yourself to face this alone. You must you tell yourself, this is your time to prove what little they could do for you. And the worst part is. You are correct. You make fewer visits to the powers, they change before your eyes each time into something, less powerful. And yet another new day arrives, and you realise that the powers, had none. They should have but they did not, you are baffled, confused, "but surely" you tell yourself, "there is something that I'm missing." But you are not. A higher power reveals itself, but this one reveals only truth. This power is to be trusted, the wisdom of it is powerful. And they reveal an inconvenient truth. Your powers that you sought help from, are incapable of it, this higher power apologizes to you, for you were never to have faced those foes alone the way you did. You were let down. You trusted something that had nothing to give. And you are livid. Why? you ask this higher power, "why did I have to face everything alone?" And they comfort you as best they can, "Because you proved to us you could." And they needed no more excuse to leave you to the world yourself. They failed you. They were lazy. They left you for their own sake not yours. So you clench your fists. "But the credit is mine you say." And the higher power agrees. "Yes it is yours. And you are right to keep it from them." "But you are not supposed to fight these battles alone." You turn to your equals your freinds, your siblings in arms, "what am I to do?" you ask them. And they have no answer that eases your new pain. So you continue on with your duty. It's all you feel you have left. Alone now more than ever. Your friends are there but do not share the pain, they cannot truly lessen it. Your old wound still bleeds. More so from newer wounds to your heart. You ask yourself "what will I have left of myself for me?" And you do not know. You yearn for a new equal not to care for your wound, but protect it while you heal. Proof. That is what I need you say. I need proof that I can trust someone to protect my wounds. So that I may heal. But a few wounds from your back remind you, that some equals took advantage of all you had to give, and left you bleeding. But I will not break, I will not change who I am, another blow into your back. The wound bleeds again. You stand and face your foes again, they are stronger than ever before. You grit your teeth and say to yourself. "I will not betray my duty and who I am Even if it leaves me open to be betrayed." "My back is mine to protect." But you want someone to trust. Someone to be behind your back forever and always. But trust you remember. Is something that has never once been promised to you. It was the only job the powers truly had. It was the thing your closest equals betrayed. Between the battles you drop to your knees, beaten, tired, always so tired. "How, How am I to truly trust someone with my heart?" When not even my parents could make me trust them? Those few true partners left me bleeding. A few freinds stabbed be squarely in the back. I face the world alone. Hurt. Scared no one wants to have the back of someone who cares too much for those who need him. Tired. And they tell you to give up. And ignore it. And you refuse. "I have stood here before. I will stand here now. And I will die here if necessary." "But I will never change what I am standing for.