text: I had thirteen missed calls from Trudy, and I had ignored all of them on purpose. My phone tumbled down from the couch as I pointed the remote control to my over-used television. I had canceled work today and had glued myself to the same spot on my couch. There was no one, not even Trudy, that would get me off. It was only minutes later though when she came barging in through my front door. “I told you those keys were for emergencies only.” I glared as she stood above me, raising her eyebrows disapprovingly. “This *is* an emergency, Layla.” She reached inside her backpack and pulled out a blue and pink box. I knew what it was right away. “I told you, I don’t need to take one.” I pushed her hand away as she handed me the tests and glanced over behind her at the TV. I regretted telling Trudy about my missed period and now it was the only thing she could talk about. This was the second time she brought me a pregnancy test and the second time I would deny it. Things were so great with Ed, and I wasn’t about to let anything ruin that. “You’re in denial.” She put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “You can’t ignore this forever. Even Ed will start to notice.” “Ed won’t notice anything because there is nothing to notice.” I snapped at her. “He would be so mad if he knew what you were implying.” Ed never wanted to have children, and frankly, neither did I. This was definitely not happening to us. “Layla,” Trudy sat on the coffee table in front of me and reached over to grab my hand. “Do it for me. So I can breathe again.” I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes at her. I couldn’t believe she was making me do this. I glanced at her other hand holding the box. Its colors vibrated angrily at me and demanded my attention. I swallowed a stubborn lump in my throat and sighed again. I knew it wasn’t possible, but somehow my body was rattling with nerves. Ten minutes later, I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor next to Trudy. I could see the surface of the bathroom counter with a short peed-on stick. This whole week I had disconnected myself from any emotion and suddenly I could feel them rushing back in. Slowly, my heart began to speed up and I could feel sweaty drops at the palms of my hands. I wondered what my mother would say. I leaned my head back on the wall and closed my eyes. I could see her face, her long dark hair, and her kind eyes. I always saw her in red, probably because it was her favorite color and it was most of her wardrobe. She would say she loved the intensity of it, and that it was the only color that spoke to her in a language she could understand. A part of me likes to think she looks over me from above, or wherever she is. And if so, I pray she isn’t looking now. I opened my eyes to find Trudy standing over the counter. I could see her face in the reflection of the mirror as she stared down at the stick with wide eyes. “Oh no, Layla.” She whispered. &#x200B; \ &#x200B; When Ed got home from work that day, Trudy had left and I was sitting on our dining table, staring blankly at the walls. The table sat right in between our couch and kitchen. We had chosen a tiny apartment in the basement of a neighbourhood house, mainly because it was just going to be the two of us and we didn’t need more space than that. The walls were short and the floor creaked with every step. I loved how cozy it was, and it never felt crowded with just Ed. Just Ed and me. No one else. “How was your day?” He said as he kissed my forehead and sat on the chair next to me. He immediately frowned at was probably a terrified expression on my face. I had no idea how this was going to go. I reached for my pocket and pulled out the pregnancy test. He watched my hand in confusion as I placed it on the table in front of him. We both sat there for a while, him staring at the stick and me staring at him. I waited for a reaction for what felt like years. I could just picture my mother behind him, tapping her foot expectantly. She had always been so impatient. She would have probably smacked him in the head by now, desperately demanding him to say something. “I know it’s crazy.” I broke the silence. “I didn’t even think it could be possible. Trudy just forced me to take one just in case. And when I saw that it was positive, I just -”. I stopped myself mid-sentence as he suddenly stood up from the table. I felt like it had been a long time since he had looked at me. He turned around and walked towards the door. I immediately stood up. I could hear my heart as it threatened to rip out of my ribs. “What are you doing?” My voice bounced off the walls as it came out much louder than I had expected. But the walls heard no response. Without even turning around, Ed reached for the door and quickly shut it closed behind him. I stood still. I could feel wet tears slowly trickle down my cheeks and my mother’s fingers gently brushing them away. She would tell me to breathe because answers only come when I let them in. I bit my shaking lip and closed my eyes. I imagined my young self with her in red vibrant dresses as we danced in our empty house. Her long hair swaying from side to side and her radiant smile that amplified our walls. I breathed in one more time, hoping it would be enough for any type of answer to reveal itself. But nothing came and my heart began to sting in pain. Although my body was not alone anymore, I somehow felt emptier than ever.