text: I can hear the pounding in my ears. Bang. Bang. Bang, of my racing heart. The cold sweat covering my body. The aching pain in my arms. The tears running down my face like water over a cliff. The pain. I open my eyes, blinking to see in the shadows of my safe space. Golden beams of sunlight come streaming into the room through the small gaps in the old wooden wall. Sparkling tiny flecks of dust float throughout the small place, only my heavy breathing sending them swirling through the air. It all seems magical, unreal compared to before. A moth flutters in a corner before settling. My heart slows. I look away from the moth. Tattered, yellow old papers pinned to the walls draw my eyes. One, a simple stick figure drawing of a mother and child, huge smiles on each of their circle faces. Another, a faded drawing of a house. Images flash before my eyes. A time long past, a peaceful time. A child lies on the floor, humming happily as he draws. Almost unrecognizable as a younger, naïve version of myself. My breathing steadies, becoming more regular, less pained. My ears catch the sound of the birds. Their beautiful song like a piece of music fills the air. The warm summer breeze comes rushing through the treetops. The leaves sound like rushing water as the wind plays with them. Like a warm caress, the summer breeze floats gently over my cheek, drying my tears. The slow, quiet creaking catches my ear. “Can you hear them? The trees are talking.” The melodious words flow through my mind, the long forgotten memory of a loving mother brings tears of sadness to my eyes. My racing heart is still, my breathing gentle. I am finally calm. The harsh ‘Snap’, ‘Crunch’, ‘Stomp’ of a monster in the forest jerks me out of my uneasy slumber. An icy spear of terror through my chest. I freeze, silently praying he does not find me. The room shakes. My heart skips a beat. It shakes again. I take a gasp of air out of fear. The warmth of the golden rays of sun disappear, abandoning me as a black shadow falls over the room. A bloodshot eye stares through a crack in the wall, sending painful memories stabbing through my skull. Grasping hands reach through the small window, missing my face by a hair’s breadth. Unintelligible shouts of painful words destroy the peace of the forest. Banging like thunder on the walls as he tries to reach me, the monstrous voice of a man who had not been a father in ages sends fear through my heart. The overpowering stench of alcohol fills my nose. I curl up in a tight ball, struggling to keep out the harmful voice of the monster outside my shelter, stinging like a swarm of hornets. Suddenly, silence. I glance up, daring to hope he has given up. Then, an earsplitting crash fills my ears as I am blinded by sunlight filling my sacred place. The outline of a hand comes in, invading my safe space like fire to a woodland forest. The hand comes closer, destroying my safe space like it destroyed everything else in my life. My safe shelter has now become my prison cell, holding me captive as he, the monster, my father, comes nearer.