text: For the sake of expediency let's assume you're not really crazy. You don't have a mental illness. The voices you're hearing and the outrageous emotions and anxiety you seem to spontaneously generate are not the result of a faulted brain or some past emotional trauma. Let's go so far as to assume that you've even worked out most of your personal issues with yourself and the world and are relatively comfortable with yourself. Or at least you were. Then one day, in your calm little mind space you noticed another voice. An exterior voice masquerading as your own thoughts, perhaps even playing off your own thoughts, but consistently chiseling at your esteem and self confidence. Being aware of this is important, but let's not make something that isn't there. Let's assume a lot here. Let's assume you went to doctors and you sought help. Let's assume that you've already listened to hundreds of opinions and perhaps even experimented with dozens of psychiatrics at the behest of learned practitioners in an attempt to reclaim the calm inner space you remember having. For whatever reason, no amount of consoling from loved ones and no amount of professional advice or meditation silences these extra voices. These constantly chiding and nagging and crippling voices, or the unexpected sudden instantaneous reversal of emotional feelings with what would appear to be no outside provocation. You can sit in silence and be laughing and in another ten minutes be bawling your eyes out all to the tune of whatever foreign orchestra is playing in your head. And because that's where it is, in your head, you can't ignore it. Like the radio in a neighbors apartment at three in the morning, there's nowhere to move your bed where there is a silent spot. A calm quiet place. The sound is all present, the mood all consuming. Your experience with medications have left you physically damaged, while on them tired, perhaps lagging. The expense and constant taking of a new thing to counter act the effect of the old thing you where taking has slowly accumulated to a meal of pills and liquids and regimens and for whatever reason, they still don't work. You begin to feel like a thirsty boy, now drowning when all that was asked for was a glass of water. So you ween yourself, and you quit the medications because they weren't helping anyway. Because even as tanked as you are they're still there. Perhaps even you enviously eye others, who having similar complaints as you seem to work fine on the medications. Their laughter and joyous good mood is crippling as you yourself barely made it out of bed today. But you know what that feels like, because you have felt that way before. So you know something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. And it is. Here is a record of my experiences and how I dealt with them. Your experience may vary.