text: “At the roundabout, take the second exit.” “Shut the fuck up Siri!” He screamed. “You’ve been driving us around in circles through this shit hole of a town for the last twenty minutes, for Christ sake!” He continued. I have never really seen him this angry, this upset. Usually he’s the cool, calm and collected head and I’m always the worry-wart. But today, today he’s just... off. Off more than one would expect to be off on a day like today. “Turn left down Macquarie lane and then make a U-turn” Siri blurts out smugly. “Jesus H Fucking Christ” he muttered under his breath. “This bitch, I thought computers are smart.” “It’s ok Duncan. Don’t rush, we will get there when we get there.” I replied, trying my best to calm him down with a soft tone. “Matilda, we only have one chance for this. And these constant misdirections and mixed with all the fucking traffic. It’s doing my head in, love” he retorted, trying his best to stay calm. But I can sense the frustration. He wants to scream. “Continue along Macquarie lane 800 meters, then turn left down Yakabindi Drive.” “I hate this city. I hate this fucking place so much.” He sulked. The fiery red anger and frustration in his voice now doused out, turning blue, I swear he could burst into tears at any moment. “It will be ok darling. We have plenty of time still. We will get there in-time. Try not to stress too much.” My words go in one ear and out the other. He just nods and replies “yes dear. Yes dear”. I know it has been, it still is, a stressful day. But I don’t like seeing him like this. I never see him like this. Today, of all days, has broken him. Of any day for him to be like this, this would have to be the worst one to choose. I just wanted to spend the day with my husband, my high school sweetheart. I wanted today, more so than any other other day we’ve had together, to be just us, just good. Just perfect. “Slow down baby, there’s no need to drive so quick.” I pleaded with him after I feel the car speeding faster and faster. “We can’t be late Matilda. And the police aren’t going to do anything today. We will be fine as long as all these stupid shit heads stay out of the way.” He snarled back. “Baby please, I don’t like this, please slow down” I begged once more, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears, as he now swerved recklessly around caravans and other SUVs travelling to slow for his liking. I gripped the seat tighter and push my feet against the footwell, as if I’ve magically got a second break peddle on my side of the car, ready to slam down at the first sign sign of trouble. We seem to have left the suburbs now, no longer are there black roofed houses with empty carports and wide open front doors, but large pine forests now zooming past. “Finally, the open road sweetheart. We should be able to make it as long as every other idiot is behind us. Next stop Mt Eliza, and back to lake Nunnabindi. It will be perfect babe. I promise”. I faked a smile but kept hold of the seat firmly. We were both faking it really, in our own way. As nothing about today was perfect. How could it be? We would have driven another hour, maybe two, but time honestly doesn’t matter anymore so I can’t be sure. Duncan seems to have calmed down now. His fingers no longer white knuckled gripping the wheel. I also calmed, no longer were my feet pushed to the end of the floor well, my hand now gently resting on his forearm. I had time to watch the scenery rush past. The pine forest is truly a beautiful place. Fresh, clean. Hours passed by, only the hum of the engine and the occasional sigh or yawn from Duncan broke the silence. I watched him, as he concentrated on the road, as his mind raced with thoughts I could only guess. I saw the man I married ten years ago. I saw the cheeky teen I met in high school. He may have greying hair and a few wrinkles. But I saw him. I smiled. He remained blissfully unaware of my gaze. But that just made me smile more. “Duncan, baby” I said softly. “Yeah, Tilly” he smiled back at me, his eyes never once leaving the road “I love you” I whispered. “I love you too, baby”. I unbuckled my seatbelt, it was always getting jammed, so I could lean over and give him a peck on the cheek. He smiled and turned his head to me. “I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry about how I acted earlier. I love you” I could hear the hurt in his voice. I know him, I know that’s not who he is. I know it’s a sincere apology. The car jolted violently as I was leaning over the Centre console. It swerved violently to the right. “Oh fuck!” We both screamed. A few seconds of hard bumps, a loud bang and crash and suddenly my world spin upside down. Thrown from the vehicle, with a stabbing pain in my shoulder. My body tumbled across a grass field until coming to a painful stop. Dazed I turned my head from left to right, searching for Duncan. I struggled to move. My arms in searing pain, my legs unable to move. To the left I could see our car, wrapped around a tree, I shot out of the front windscreen and flew at least 10..20 meters? I have no idea. “DUNCAN” I croaked. My voice course and low. “DUNCAN”, tears streaming down my cheeks. I got no reply. All I could hear were the cicadas. And an occasional gust of wind. “DUNCAN, BABY. Please” I bellowed one last time. And again, no answer. I turned my head once more. I gazed up. Directly up, to what we have all been avoiding for the last few days. The bright blue summer sky transformed into a terrifying canvas of chaos. As if the devil was inspired by Claude Monet himself, but needed to one-up him to prove a point. The blue replaced by dazzling reds, yellows and orange. A blazing, crackling tail left in its wake. It was just now I noticed the eerie, ominous glow that has overtaken the ground. It was closer than we realised. My heart cried out to me “find Duncan”. But I lay there helpless. Frightened and alone. Transfix by the spectacle above, I couldn’t tell if it was paralysis or some primal fear keeping me from standing up and finding my husband. But either way, I couldn’t move. “Duncan” I croaked once more. I realised as I lay on the grass, and with my gaze fixed firmly on the horrifying spectacle above. I was never going to see Duncan again. And as tears mingled with the dust on my cheeks, I whisper his name one last time, a desperate plea lost in the chaos of the devil above. The hand never to be held again. The final kiss we will never have. One last embrace, That last day that never came.