text: ‘Hello there! Glad I caught you. My name’s Sandra and I’m calling from Great Crater Solicitors. Accident claim specialists.’ ‘...’ ‘Oh, no, don’t worry. We’ve already bought ten minutes of your time for the call. I’m sure that delicious dinner will still be as tasty as ever by the time we’re done.’ ‘...’ ‘Exactly. Let’s get to it. Were you in a warp accident that wasn’t your fault?’ ‘...’ ‘Uh-huh. Yes, of course. I understand your concerns. We were given the details by our trusted partner StarSense. Have you heard of them?’ ‘...’ ‘Not to worry. They own the emergency response team that picked you up, the route taken by said response team, and the receptionist at the hypocenter where you were dropped off. With that data we were able to do you the huge favor of starting a claim for you, without you having to lift a finger. How great is that?’ ‘...’ ‘No, this is a highly sought after service. We get people calling us every day saying they wished Great Crater had got the ball rolling for them. Saves a lot of time considering how long a warp accident can put someone out of action for. I have the details of your accident here, and they don’t make happy reading, eh? Let me just run through it with you now.’ ‘...’ ‘Ah, it’s fine! We do it for everyone. It’s just a formality, well, a legal requirement, but we prefer formality. Your accident to---’ ‘...’ ‘Yes, we have a customer service team for any legal concerns our customers have. I’ll be happy to give you their contact details once this call is done. Their costs are very reasonable.’ ‘...’ ‘Of course! We can’t just give away prize-winning customer service! Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Oops, sorry, how insensitive. Back to the details. It says here you were travelling on a crawler between Meergate Station and the Silesian meteorite field. Correct?’ ‘...’ ‘Excellent. Now I’m told this was on a mineral assignment from Kraken Ore. Oh, whadda you know? They’re owned by StarSense too! Missed that earlier. Small system, eh? Anyway, sorry, I know your time is precious. So. Mineral assignment. My system says you were three hours in, four hours from the field. Yes?’ ‘...’ ‘I know. What a coincidence. But those are the right details I assume?’ ‘...’ ‘Greeeeat. Now, looks like here’s where we hit trouble. According to the ship’s data logs kindly provided to us, you were piloting with a mining crew of 47. At this point of the journey, three hours in, four hours to go, the ship’s warning system alerted you to an anomaly. Within a few seconds of this, the ship entered a warp hailstorm. Right so far?’ ‘...’ ‘So cute, isn’t it? These tiny little warps being chucked around. Itsy-bitsy things compared to the big momma and pappa versions, eh? Don’t want to see one of them now, do you? Phew, no, siree.’ ‘...’ ‘Oh, it’s fine. If we go over we can just stick some money in the meter. We’re having a great time aren’t we? Anyway, ship hits the hailstorm and starts taking serious damage. Now, this ship should have had an effective warpshield, but this failed, correct?’ ‘...’ ‘Awful. How awful. And so now radiation is flying through your ship messing up circuits and what not.’ ‘...’ ‘Oh, of course. I can’t imagine the pain, not one bit. Horrible. So, warpshield has failed. You call this into Kraken Ore and send out an open SOS. You get a response from a couple of nearby ships who then head your way. Kraken Ore let StarSense know, and then they told you to hold tight. Anything amiss? ‘...’ ‘Yes, company policy for all StarSense subsidiaries is to notify their StarSense customer service manager of any problems as their first act. It’s to keep you, me, and everyone safe. Next I see the ship fails and life support is struggling. According to scans by a nearby StarSense satellite, 30 of the crew in the hold, where radiation shielding was weaker, had died by this point. Cause of death: severe radiation poisoning. How nasty. At least you were holding up at the front though!’ ‘...’ ‘I’m afraid so. You and two others were the only survivors. I spoke to them just now actually. Lovely people. Could barely say a bad word about you. Now, a few minutes later the ship has failed and scans show you were severely injured and soon lost consciousness. Correct?’ ‘...’ ‘Ah, don’t worry, nothing to worry about. So unconscious, yes?’ ‘...’ ‘Great. From there I see one of the rescue ships arrived, fired over a tow cable, and pulled you out of the storm. Within 30 minutes the emergency response term arrived, boarded the ship, and collected yourself and your crew. You were delivered to the hypostation on Silesia, where medical professionals saved your life by removing your right arm, and 66% of your legs.’ ‘...’ ‘That just about brings us up to speed. I can see your life signs are looking pretty good, and there’s been little change in the two hours since you arrived. What great work those emergency workers do, eh? Up and about all over the place making sure we survive that rough and tumble world out there. Do you have any more details to add in relation to your case?’ ‘...’ ‘Sorry, that isn’t relevant. Anything else?’ ‘...’ ‘Thank you. I’ll make sure that gets added. Now we’ll just put all this through the system and see what happens with your claim. How exciting!’ ‘...’ ‘Mmm, yes. I see. Well, I don’t know abou---oh! Here it is! Ah, bad news I’m afraid. StarSense have ruled against your claim. What a shame. I’m so sorry. In fact, they’ve taken everything on board and it’s been decided you were responsible for this horrible incident.’ ‘...’ ‘According to this, in the 2.3 seconds between your ship’s warning alarm and the warp hailstorm manifesting, there was a 6.3% chance of you avoiding it by veering 82 degrees starboard as soon as the alarm sounded. Such a shame. Anything under 5% and your claim would have succeeded.’ ‘...’ ‘Sorry to interrupt. I only deal with in-process claims. I need to put you through to a colleague now. Wonderful to speak to you today.’ '...' ‘Good afternoon, this is Jeff at StarSense.