text: I died yesterday. A bus hit me. I didn't see it. I was rushing to make it for my mother in law's birthday dinner. My family was waiting for me. My wife and two children. The driver did nothing wrong. She was not driving any faster, didn't go over a crosswalk. I must have jumped in front of her bus out of nowhere. I don't remember. The irony was that the dinner was not even ready. Nobody was anxiously waiting for me. Nobody rang on my phone. It was me that was rushing. The bus hit me on my right side. It broke most of my ribs, my legs and hit my head hard. I was bleeding in pain and agony. So many thoughts, so many moments. So many missed opportunities. The moment this happens, you think about everything that life prepares you for. And this is not part of it. Schools don't teach us how to die. Neither churches or mosques. Nobody talks about death. And it always comes as a surprise. It's the biggest surprise of them all. And it sucks. As I was trying to figure out if somebody is going to help me, one figure approached very close to me, rushing. Picked me up and started talking to me. "Can you hear me?", the person asked. I couldn't answer. My words were forming but I couldn't say them. The figure was a man, 50 or something, grey hair, strong grasp. He caught and pulled me onto the pavement. "Take it easy, an ambulance is coming", he said. People started to gather around. I slowly raised my head to see the point of the impact. There was a blood stain on the asphalt. And the front of the bus was damaged. “Is my head that strong?”. "How many fingers do you see?", the guy asked me. "Four", I tried to answer. "You see, you are doing much better", he said. "Can you try to stand up now?" I couldn't stand up. I tried to move my legs but nothing. "I cannot. Can you please call my wife", I said to the person as the air was becoming colder. "What is her number?", he asked politely. "Reach to my pocket for my phone.. I don't.. remember", I said. He took my phone. Used my finger to get in and called my wife. "Hi. This is Smoke...", he introduced and explained to her what happened. He was quite calm. He told her to come to the ER and did his best to comfort her. Who was this guy? "All good? Stay lying there.. things are gonna get better for you now.", he said. "How do you know this?", I asked. "Things always get better, don't they?", he laughed and looked towards the street. "Well not for me I guess...", I said. The pain was growing. My breath was getting slower. "Things become harder right before they get easier.", he laughed. I looked at him for a bit. He was very happy with what he was doing. "Why do you do this?", I asked. "Because we are humans and humans help each other." "Looks like you are the only one wanting to help me", I said. "I am the one that really cares, true.", he said. "But why do you care?", I asked with curiosity. He grasped over my body stronger and sat on the pavement right next to me. "Here, lay here over me, it's softer..", he said. “Don’t move your head...”. I was there. Lying on the pavement with a stranger that wanted to apparently help me. "Maybe he is an imposter? Maybe he is taking advantage of the situation and then will do something to my family?", I started thinking. "Sir, when did my wife say will come here?", I asked. "Don't worry about it, she will arrive soon...". "But sir, who are you?", I asked. "I am here to help you, don't worry.. take it easy..", he said calmly. "Well in case something happens, can you tell me who you are, for better or for worse... just in case?", I asked. "Sure, my name is Smoke. I live on the same address where you live, if all this goes well, you will find me there", he said. "Same address as me?", I asked surprised. I have never seen this person. And if I know something really good, that is my neighborhood. This guy is definitely an imposter. "What building and floor are you living on?", I asked him. He stood there quiet, still taking care of me. Still holding me not make anything stupid. "You make this more difficult for everyone, why don't you relax?", he said. "Relax?", I managed to push his hand off of my chest. "Please tell me who you are?". Smoke put his hand on his knee. "Well I am everyone you know and everything you do. All your experiences and all your knowledge. I am your mind.", he said. "I am here to make things easier for you". "This is nonsense.. to make *what* things easier?", I asked confused. "You are dying. I am your mind that presents to you as a person in an attempt to survive. We know how to interact with human beings the best. As you are dying, I am running out of ideas on how to help you, so I thought talking to someone will be easier for you...". "I am dying?", I said scared. "Come on.. isn't it obvious?", Smoke said. I raised my head again and saw an ambulance coming. The group of curious people was being broken down by the medics and the police. A body was lying in front of the bus, not moving. "Oh my god, I am dying...". My breath became fast. My thoughts became fogged, my vision turned blurry. "Help me... I am choking...", I told Smoke. "So what?", he answered nonchalantly. "I will die....", I said.. "Not more than you will die anyway", he answered. At that moment all of my fear turned into peace. All of my panic and anxiety turned into a feeling of calmness. The death destroyed all of my fears. The words of Smoke made it clear. This is happening. There is no need to be afraid. The fear will not make it stop. It's inevitable. "So why did my brain create you?", I asked. "You know when people say that when you die, you see your whole life in front of your eyes? Well that's not quite true. You see the things you choose to see. To re-experience. Your mind will go through its knowledge and memories seeking for a way to survive. The last drop of hope for it to help you. In your case, it worked wonders. It created me. So I am here now to bring you there, to your safe place.", Smoke explained. "And what is my safe place?", I asked shocked. "Your experience that you want to make through one more time before the curtains shut. Your mind is a great organ. It's unique that it can act upon your perception of time. If you choose to have your past 20 years be your safe place, your mind will make it look as if it's yet another life-time. Then you will live again those years. If you choose to have the last time you ate an ice-cream as your last experience, it's gonna be made into a complete life-time. It's like a first-class treatment from your mind. It's a classy way to say goodbye. I stood silent. I was not sure where I was. "Did you even call my wife?", I asked. "No. That was all in your head. A death-dream.", he said. "She doesn't know I will die?" "No. She doesn't. That's for the better of all I guess.". "So.. what's gonna be?", Smoke asked. "What's gonna be what?", I said. "What's your safe place?", he asked again. Things were calm. My breath was calm. I could feel its rhythm in sync with my heart beat. They were both slow. Getting even slower. I didn't try to avoid anything. Any thought that scared me. That made me sad, angry or even happy. I let it be. All I was thinking of was my family. My two angel children and my lioness wife. I wanted to see them again. "Can I mix experiences?", I asked Smoke. "You can. But not from your whole life. You can pick two experiences and I will do my best.", he answered. "My life was really great. It was complete with people and possessions. It was incomplete with time", I started. "All the way through it, I was always looking for more or less time. I was rushing to get there. I was always late. If not, I was about to be late. I was chasing situations to happen so that I can start living. I never started living now. I was waiting for 'it' to happen. And that caused lots of anxiety and stress. Made me feel scared and sad. But now things make so much sense. The fears are no more, the expectations are gone. That amount of calmness and peace was to be found only on one more place in my life: my grandma's home in summer. If I ever want to experience something again is that calmness, together with my family. I choose my safe place to be that house, in the beginning of June, where the grown-up me will go together with my wife and my kids. And my grandparents will be there and my uncle too. They will see us park our car and they will come at the front door to greet us. Then I will hug them. Feel the smell of theirs. Feel their warmth. Then I will introduce them to my family. "This is my wife, I really love. These are my children, mischiefing little piglets" I will say. They will all hug and kiss. Then we'll go inside and the smell of yogurt and cucumber mixed with freshly chopped garlic will fill in our nostrils. Kids will ask what that nice smell is. I will explain. I will give them to try the food. Then once we finish the main meal, we'll have our desert. A nice smelling watermelon. I will pick it up from the cellar. Then bring it to the table. Then we'll eat it and tell lots of jokes. The feeling would be complete, nothing more would be needed other than that small house with a small room that can suit 10 people or so. And those people inside. Then we'll announce rest-time and go upstairs to take some noon naps. The cushions will be cold and soft. The summer covers will be silky. The smell will be a mixture of the smell of old books and old furniture. After an hour we will wake up and go down to the yard. Hot summer. My grandma will be laughing seeing us. My grandpa will ask me to bring him water from the yard-fountain. Then we will sit under the house's shadow until the sun falls down. The kids will be playing in the yard, we will be talking, drinking coffee and eating my grandma's sweets. And this will be everything that we will be doing for one whole summer. Then when the summer ends, we will go. We will say our goodbyes and the hopes that we will meet again somewhere sometime. But if we don't then we can make ourselves, each-other, live into our thoughts. The one that will survive the last will carry that burden of the memory. Right before the summer ends, I will go and kiss my kids, hug them and say a few words as life advice. Then I will go and lay down my wife's lap and fall asleep there as she will be touching through my hair. It'd be the safest place for me to come to the end of the summer. And that will be my safe-place.", I said. "Ok. You got that right. That is your safe place. That is where you will wake up tomorrow. Was very interesting to be your mind, by the way. You were always onto something... and I really enjoyed your reactiveness your whole life. You could have lived a bit more, for sure, but what you lived is something many others cannot live for 100 more years. So be calm. Now close your eyes. Let your breath rest....that's it...", said Smoke. The noises disappeared. The voices went silent. A heavy curtain fell. The darkness overtook. The next morning started just like any other morning. "Are you ready?", I asked my kids. "Ready for what?", my son asked. "To meet your grand-grand parents and my uncle", I said. "We do it today? We are going there today?", my daughter asked excitedly. "Yes, we are going to visit them today. And you know what? We will stay there the whole summer”, I said. "Yeey, daddy that is so amazing!", they both exclaimed. We took the car to their house. As we approached the small street things started getting really heavy. I haven't been there for some time. We came close to my grandma's house. Then right in front of the front-door of their house. I honked. Then I started parking the car. My grandma, grandpa and uncle came in front of the door. They were cheerful and smiling. Super excited. We got out of the car. Locked it and went to them. I hugged them very strongly. All three of them. "I missed you so much", I said as tears rolled down my face. "How's it been?" "This is my wife I really love. These are my children, mischiefing little piglets", I said. All of them hugged there for a while. Then we all went inside. "This summer is going to be amazing", I thought.