text: Sun peeks longer this summer at San Diego- a suburb of Alhambra. It is exactly five in the afternoon, and the sun’s still grinning up high. What a perfect Sunday to go on multiple dates. This is evidently why eighteen-year-old Antoinet Garcia is racing for the train to arrive at Merlin tonight. Yes, Antoinet, without its t and e at the end, for completion purpose. The reason why she won’t marry until she changed her name to a more feminine, Toni. She demanded the world to call her only that. She wear pink blushes that run across her nose, and scarlet lips. She’s all set for love at Merlin. “You’re at it again?”-says from the other line. Toni stopped in front of a mini-shop. It goes by the name, J Surplus . She steps one feet closer. Then, leans her forehead on and through the glass, she could see random items. Tea sets, geisha dolls, and a wall clock far in one corner. “No, I’m at the grocer”, Toni says, eyeing on the clock. “Don’t give me that. So which one?”, says Margot. “No way, it’s four and nine..”, Toni mumbled as she stares at the hour and minute hands, urging her feet to go in. “What?” “No, go on, what do you mean?” “C’mon, you can’t fool me, I’ve been there” “Here? When?” “I mean, the lying part- wait, is it the one with that pointy, you know, a gentle face, who hides cigarette butts in his shirt pocket?” “He has a name, it’s Wayne. And yes, I know, there’s that but, he’s not entirely bad. He’s cute..”, Toni walks in slowly. Her eyes looked like it was mesmerized. Her periphery, it seemed to her it was slowing down, in motion. From Margot’s voice shifting to that of a giant-like sound, to the lips of the cashier forming an upward curve as she held out a receipt. “Okay, fine, but you only met him TWO days ago, Antoinet” uttered Margot, Antoinet meant to trigger her, “how can you be so carefree-” “Sorry, later”, Toni ended the call, but her phone is still glued to her ear. She glances over to her wrist, “it’s five, thirteen.” She then hold her head back at the clock. “That’s two hundred and fifty dollars” said the saleslady. “I- again?” ‘who the son of a horse spends 250 dollars on a crippled clock?! Well, I’m not that of a good judge of antique items either, but’, she thought. “Two fifty, no bargaining” “Uh I’m not in- um, well, about its hands..” “..does it always points at four forty-five?” At first, she thought that maybe this clock is a trend. Despite how it looked. And maybe most shops just had the same clock. But, if the hands stay at the same numbers, the story will be different. Today should be the third time she witnessed how the minute hand stopped moving at exactly forty-five. And how her eyes zoomed it in while her periphery moves slower. This made her felt like she wore the same clothes and that she went in the same shop, and had had the same conversation with Margot, in other day before today. “What d’ya mean? It’s passed five now babe” “I mean, I think it’s broke” “Broke?” the woman was skeptical yet rushes closer to check on it. “Nothin’ I sell here’s broke- good heavens, no!” cried the woman. “Wait, five?” she snapped then looks over her wrist, “God I’m late!” One more hour and twenty minutes before rush hour. And, people waiting by the shed could watch this unexpected entertainer from a mini-shop for lifetime. As if her life’s on the line, Toni strides fast despite the long slit skirt and four inches heels. She didn’t- she can’t care how hell her hair could transform nor the straps falling off from her shoulders. Nor the head-turner heavy clatter sound of her shoes. “Train.. must.. wait.. me” she uttered in between miserable breaths. Although, the last train will be at seven. Unfortunately, she is not allowed to stay out late at night. Toni wants to spend more time with her three-days lover. Not just two hours! That’s pure pain. After all, what can she do? The train had just run passed her, leaving her disheartened. She had no room now for excuses. If she had just leave one hour early or if she had not stopped by that shop. Toni only meant to make him wait for 20 minutes. And made him believe she’s less interested in him than he is to her. And taxi is expensive, she will be left penniless in front of him. She felt more weary thinking how’d he react. She stood by for more minutes in front of the tramway, grinning alone. She fell in love with his voice first, that day he spoke to her. It was deep and rough. And she remembers the faint smell of smoke and alcohol from his morning breath. She laughed how she find herself crazy before impish boys. And that she never had liked even one righteous guy. “Guess it’s not my day today” Her room is dimly lit as she wakes at 4 am, only to think nothing but sweets. The outside’s seemed cold that it pulls her from getting out of the bed. Yet, painfully, she should. Toni treads down the stairs, squinting her way towards the fridge. At long last, her lips form a grin seeing a bottle of cooled fresh milk and vanilla waffle biscuits. ‘Life is good’, she thinks, enjoying its sweet aroma after removing the lid. Recalling how her last Sunday went, she drank directly from the bottle and the liquid made quite a sound in its way down. If she had not ruined their date, she would have gone to an Italian cafe. And they would’ve been texting each other until midnight. Those thoughts crossed her mind many times, because Wayne had never reply since then. Almost a week now. And that she have been sulking herself in her own room. The milk was halfway now to nothing when she noticed flickering lights from the sala. Her face immediately went blank. “That explains the loudness.. at 4,” she says, her bubbly voice in complete monotone. Toni thought the noises were from the next door. And felt instant guilt from thinking they’re so restlessly- they’re weird. ‘Just recalled someone ready to renounce her children every single morning, because of the bill, then does the opposite’ Toni complains in her mind, “Lovely”. She sees her mom asleep over the couch. She ended warming her up with her sleeve pajama. “Well, ‘guess it can’t be helped when it gets hard to sleep” and grabs the remote. But it ended up rolling on the floor, together with the waffles. Her eyes are now locked in on the TV screen- I mean, her whole being. She, is seeing Wayne, all the over the news. “Wayne Perez admitted leading other three men to Anna Turner’s murder..” the news was going on. Toni had hoped it’s not him. But from the way his back curves as he walks, to how his hair bounce against his neck, to how he say “Genovese” as his reply to the police’s question: “where did you first brought Anna?.” Toni recognized it was the name of the famous Italian cafe from Merlin. She was about to shut off the TV when the screen showed her the picture of Anna Turner. Anna is only a minor, a high school girl with a cheery grin. “And then?” ask the police. “To motel”, uttered Wayne. “Then?” “To where you found her” Toni felt a flush fear as to how calm his voice was despite verbalizing the places they went to murder her. Yet became more skeptical later. Maybe he was forced or he was framed. You must’ve brought in the wrong guy! She slowly bend over the table and luckily, a phone appears in her palm. After a few taps, a rough voice from the other line utters, “what”. It’s Margot’s. “I’m.. I'mma go over”, declared Toni. “Why?” “You won’t believe this” “Seems so. It is.. four in the morning, Antoinet, four-”, “-toot” “What?- wait, no!” She need to be sure so she immediately browse his name. There were over a hundred articles in the results. She read many “rape”, “murder”, “sewerage” words as she scroll down. And as her breath became heavier. Wayne raped her with other three men then stabbed Anna's chest three times with a hotel knife. Later of Monday, at 6:13 am, Anna's body was found stuck in the sewerage after the townspeople nearby noticed the lump of waste.. “Wayne! why!” Toni cries. “Toni? Something wrong?” “Mom..” “What?” “Everything’s wrong!” “What are you moppin’ at early in the morning?” Toni immediately grabs her mom’s coat on the hatstand. “Oh and can you do the grocery today? We’re out of food- where are you going? the money-” “Mom, later” She almost laughed. Toni had a lot of first times today. That was a first that her mother had asked if something’s wrong, although it did not ended nice. This is the first time she had run without knowing where to go nor she can stop her tears. Her emotions are overflowing. When.. did it all start going wrong? Her mind flashes the glimpses of events that happened to her this year. A series of pictures that could answer her. And then her mind paused at one item. She knew she saw it not just once. That item she saw at the mall when she first dated Miggy. She remembered how devastating she felt after knowing Margot was pregnant with his baby. The next place was inside her school canteen when she had her first kiss with an employee that frequents the hamburger stool. And soon after their lips moved apart, she was cuffed by his wife. They were dating for over five months without knowing she’s became a mistress. The last one was just last week. At a mini-shop. When she was desperately catching for the train. She paused. Whenever she sees the clock stopping at four forty-five, that’s when the accidents happen. She runs again and this time, with a goal. Toni read again the name of the mini-shop while she was rolling her eyes. Then, went in with quite an entrance. “Good-” “Where is it?” “Oh, I know you” said the woman, scanning her face. “You mean the clock over there?” “Yes!” “Uh, it was sold?” “What? But it’s broken!” “Calm down dear” “Please, tell me, I need it! Please, put on the price, I don’t care. I will pay you. I just need to see it once” “Uh okay, okay dear. Wait here” During those few minutes, her feet just won’t stop stomping briskly against the floor. The people inside were disturbed by the sound that they throw evil stares at her before going out. “Here, here” She quickly opens the box, and she had never felt more tragic. “A..are you sure it’s this clock?” “Why? Is it not what you’re looking for dear? I ‘ly have one clock o’that shape and color. I felt relief just by looking at it so I hung it” It’s different. “This one’s working”, Toni said before she left the woman dumbfounded and rejoicing, at the same time. Walking on her way home, she was laughing. “Today is once again, another beautiful Sunday everyone..” The radio’s running on. And the prickly wind through the terrace spread out aromas of detergent. “What a sight! The world must be ending. No dates today?” “Go away sis” Toni calmly shoved her. She’s out in the terrace, hanging out clothes as it made the drip drop little sounds. And where the wind is a lot harsher. “Maybe, I’ll try good guys in my next birthday” But really, deep inside, she wanted to be a judge on her next birthday. A good judge of character. If only, she never reads them as superficial as one’s reflection in the water. Then, maybe she would not have memories of three worst betrayals. Nor a nightmare of mourning voices at her own burial. Nor the creeps from seeing the same item following her. If it wasn’t for it, she is living her best life right now. But at least, she has something to throw on the blames- a thing that remains unhurt no matter how. Little she know, the time had saved her countless times, at four forty-five.