text: The Last Time I Cried In truth, I am not an emotional person. I do show my emotions, but only with a smile or a frown. I used to cry a lot. In fact, I can tell you that most people enjoy a good cry. Although, I haven’t cried since the year 2014. Wondering what happened then? I’ll tell you. Betrayal. It’s such a strong word, no? Over the years, I have found that people tend to overuse it, along with words such as ‘hate’ or ‘love’. Well, I can assure you that, in this case, I do not exaggerate. In fact, I believe I handled it all very well. So, it all started in January 2014, I had just gone back to school after Christmas. School back then was fine, you know? Not too hard, not too easy. Just... fine. Or at least it was. The thing you should know about me is that I am rather inept when it comes to making friends. Truthfully, I suck at it; I start talking to someone and then I get so afraid that they’re not going to like me that I decide that I’m not going to like them first. This happened every time I would try to socialise. Of course, there was, as there always is, an exception. This exception’s name was Ruby. Allow me to tell you a little bit about Ruby. She’s my age (so was 9 at the time), has (or at least had the last time I saw her) long golden hair that smells of roses, and beautiful brown eyes. We had known each other since birth, as our parents were also childhood friends. I’m not sure if this is true or if it is just a lie my mum told me but the first face I saw after I was born was Ruby’s. She was my best friend and my confidant. Of course, nothing lasts forever. Ruby and I were never really interested in romantic relationships (because we were ten) and so all of our energy was focused on each other. You’d think this would get tiring but I can tell you that we never got sick of each other. We were inseparable. This made what happened next sting so much more. We were in year 5 and we had just gotten a massive project: the science fair. Now, in retrospect, this wasn’t that big of a deal but, at the time, it was the most important thing in the world. When a project is announced, you look around and try to find a partner. Of course, you’re supposed to be listening to the teacher, so this must all be kept under wraps. That group-finding experience is often the most soul-destroying activity that one would ever have to participate in in school (nay, in life). Naturally, as soon as a teacher announces a group project, you look straight at your best friend and make direct eye contact with them. Then, you both share a nod full of excitement but also covertness. That nod sums up everything about your relationship. This is what we do did every time... until once Now, the week before the fair was announced, Ruby and I had gone to TK Maxx with our mums so that they could buy trainers. The people to whom these trainers would belong would forever remain a mystery (they were for us). As is protocol in such scenarios, Ruby and I, while our parents were trying on their detour clothes (the clothes that people try on when they visit a shop, just to waste time and fill up their wardrobes), we ‘borrowed’ some money from each of our mothers’ handbags and awayed to McDonalds. When we got in, we were going to order but I needed to drain my bladder (as, at the time, it felt like I had a fish tank in my pelvis) so I went while she ordered (we both know each other’s orders (5-piece chicken select, large diet coke and chips for me and an entire share-box of McNuggets, a large diet coke chips for her (we weren’t fat, we just had large appetites))). While I was gone, Ruby had an encounter. This encounter was with a boy named Elliot. First, let me tell you about Eliiot: he had chestnut-brown hair and piercing blue eyes, he was charming, handsome, everything most girls wanted and everything most boys hated. Despite their hatred for him, every single boy in the school seemed to bow down to him (all but one-me) and every single girl seemed to love him (all but one-Ruby). The standard reaction received from a girl when encountering Eliiot was something along the lines of ‘Eliiot... wow... you’re here? That’s such a coincidence... Oh my god! It’s fate! Ha... Isn’t that silly?’ (even when they ran into each other at school). This is what made seeing Ruby encounter Eliiot all the more pleasing, as her greeting went something along the lines of “what do you want, ****wad” (yes, that is the language we used at the time). However, this day was... odd. This is because, while her initial greeting was identical to the ones of the past, their next action was a hug. Wondering how I know this? I was about to emerge from the bathroom, but I saw it all the door. Ruby collected our food and then sat down with the monster (Eliiot Price) at our table. I watched on in abhorrence as Eliiot munched on my fries. Although, I couldn’t help but notice that there was something off about Eliiot. There was something of with his face. It’s almost as if he was... sad. Shocked? Me too. But... what could the Eliiot Price possibly have to be sad about? Was he struggling that every girl in the school loved him? Was he frustrated that he was too handsome? I was stumped. Eventually, after devouring half of my fries, Eliiot stood up (as if to leave) and gave Ruby one last hug, loaded with suspicious innuendo, and got his almost weeping butt out of Ruby’s and my ‘straunt (as we called it at the time). After watching for about 10 minutes, I had had some time to calm down. Unfortunately, this did not come through in my greeting. In fact, the words that came out of my mouth were something along the lines of “WHAT THE ****, RUBY?” (past-me’s words, not mine), “You hate someone for years and suddenly he’s your best buddy? What’s that about?”. Her response made me eat my words: “Charlie... his mum died”. Instantly, my anger was quelled. I sat down. Suddenly, it was so blindingly obvious why Ruby’s hatred of all things Eliiot had been temporarily silenced-out of kindness, sympathy, decency, whatever you want to call it. Despite my hatred of all things Eliiot Price, this... event only made me respect Ruby more. About 10 days from then, came the ruling, judgement day the possible apocalyptic outcome. By this, I mean the day we chose partners for the Science Fair. That day, I woke up with a plan in mind-go to school pick Ruby as my partner, live happily ever after. However, it appears that Ruby had formulated a different plan-wake up, go to school, rip out my soul and stomp on it, live happily ever after. Melodramatic, no? Well I didn’t think so at the time. Nevertheless, the first 2 steps of our plans were similar: wake up and go to school, and so we did. As was the norm for us at the time, I was driven by my mum to pick up Ruby at her house , which was only a few streets away. We exchanged pleasantries with Ms. Rydohi (Ruby’s mother) and then we departed. What stings the most about what happened once we arrived at school is that, to Ruby, it was an ordinary morning, and we conversed accordingly, me completely oblivious to what would soon happen and her with the most malicious of intents. We arrived at school. Typically, we would have greeted our friends, taken our time putting our coats and bags on the pegs in the cloakroom and then lazily saunter to class. Today, however, our typical routines we rendered moot. This is because the entire year-which was really only the size of about 2 classes- was dying to get to registration first. See, the way pairs were chosen at the time is the first pair there would be together. Because of this, people would wait outside the classroom for their partner and then enter. And so, I did. Unfortunately, it seemed that Ruby had found a new default partner: Eliiot Price. That’s right, her vowed arch-nemesis, the Joker to her Batman, the Lex Luthor to her Superman, and suddenly they were best friends. Confused? Yeah, I was too! As I saw that idiot Eliiot Price walking down the corridor with my best friend, I was hurt to my core. It was like someone had reached down my throat and pulled out my heart, along with all my other organs, rendering me without means of living. Instantly, I relived all my greatest memories with Ruby, but, when I say ‘relived’, I mean ‘watched’, as my face was slowly morphing into that of Eliiot Price. Soon, I was erased from Ruby’s life and all I could do was merely watch while I was somewhat shunned from my entire life. It is a pain that I still relive to this day. You may be thinking “Oh my god, stop over-reacting; it’s just a science fair”. Well, I can tell you that it was not ‘just a science fair’. In fact, it was my relationship with Ruby. She was an endless well of happiness and comfort on which I could draw and, that day, she was taken from me or, more accurately, she left me. Unfortunately, this pain was not... swift. I then had to endure watching them both walk into registration and... be paired up. I couldn’t take it. The thought of them working together tore me apart. I knew that if I stayed a second longer I would break down. In prevention of this, I ran. I ran and I ran like the giant green monster was chasing me. Over the years, there has always been a safe haven for people in this situation: the toilets. I had my destination. My feet carried me, as if separated from the rest of my body. I didn’t notice how fast I was going until the classic corridor T-Junction, where I bumped into my headmistress, knocking her onto the floor, scattering her sheets of paper onto the floor. “Mr. Looker, what are you doing?”, she asked. Unfortunately, I was not in a position to answer such a question so the response she received was something along the lines of “I... Flannin...” before I panicked and ran even faster to the toilets. Thankfully, upon my arrival at the toilets, a stall was just being vacated, I was too distraught to notice the faint odour of faeces and old urine. I loudly opened the stall door, put the toilet seat down, sat on it, and wept. It was a cry like no other. Everyone knows it: silent, yet deafening, a soul-penetrating sob, an elegy for the greatest of losses. I didn’t go to the science fair. Obviously, there was an awards assembly and a week full of people congratulating the winners, but I just couldn’t stomach going. I know it seems stupid now but i never talked to Ruby again; I saw her in the corridor and bumped into her in Tesco but we never... talked. You know what? I’m quite happy it ended like that, because it was the last time I cried, and it certainly was a memorable one.