text: CW: Sexual violence/abuse, suicide, swearing “You’re the absolute last person I want to call, but I’m really desperate here, Elliot.” Scarlett’s voice sounded shaky over the phone. Was it emotion or a bad connection? “What’s wrong? I’ll do anything to help.” “You’re the only one who answered.” I waited for her to continue. “Can you meet me at the bridge? Where I work. You remember where that is?” “Uh, yeah. I’ll head right over.” “Are you home? I’ll order a ride.” “I can drive.” “You’re driving again? Is that a good idea?” My fists clenched and my eyes squeezed shut. I sucked in a deep breath. “I haven’t had a drink in ten months.” She sighed. “Okay. Hurry.” She doesn’t believe me. This shocked me, but maybe it shouldn’t have. My sister and I weren’t all that close these days. After the accident, my remaining family dropped me. No more invitations to holidays, birthday cards, or updates on how everyone was doing. It all stopped. They thought my driving my car off a bridge while drinking meant I had a drinking problem, and when I refused rehab, they lost it. The alcohol I consumed that night was simply liquid courage for what I felt I had to do. End everything. I never corrected anyone. Being seen as an alcoholic seemed better than the vulnerability of admitting I wanted to fly off that bridge and didn’t plan to walk away from it. I quit drinking only because it didn’t work for me. It never made me feel good, only sicker. I grabbed a tan corduroy jacket and put in my earbuds to listen to my favorite true crime podcast. These deranged criminal masterminds and psychopathic serial killers often had families, friends, and sometimes even girlfriends and wives that adored them. Made me wonder about how quickly my family turned me out. As I walked out of my studio apartment, I checked my phone one last time for messages. Connor invited me to play zombie paintball, and it filled me with relief to be able to say I had other plans. It’d been so long since I had any plans, never mind options. My sister can say what she says, but I always have and always will put family first. Might be part of the problem. When I opened the door to leave the building, cold air shoved through me like a ghost on a mission. My insides felt as icy as if I were naked. I needed a better coat, but they cost money. Maybe some fat to insulate my bones, but I struggled with keeping on weight. Having a strict diet comforted me. When people can do things to your body and you have no say in the matter, it helps to take back power where you can. My therapist said something like that anyway. Glowing pumpkins lined the street doorsteps. Vampires, ghosts, kitties, and monsters carefully carved to perfection beamed their orangish light. Leaves danced around me in the soul chilling wind. I sat in my car, turned the key, blasted the heat, and rubbed my hands together. My breath formed fog clouds in front of me. I’ve never smoked, but sometimes I wanted to. Yeah, it’s dangerous and all, but it’s part of that tough guy image. Don’t fuck with me. I don’t even give a shit about my own health, what makes you think I give a shit about you? That’s so lame. I know. I don’t have an ounce of tough guy in me. Another part of the problem. Tough guys can defend themselves from monsters that crawl into their rooms at night, and I couldn’t. I froze and let the monsters suck the life from my soul and leave me as the empty void I’ve become. No wonder I have zero friends thinking like this. Well, except for Connor. He did invite me to fight zombies, and that counts for something, right? I took another deep breath and stepped on the gas. To the bridge, I go! The fucking bridge. I should steer clear of bridges. The ride wasn’t terribly long, and I knew Scarlett probably didn’t expect me to show up. The wide-eyed shock on her face when she saw me validated that thought. It’s weird, but I still always expect to see this little girl running over to give her big brother a hug. This little girl who always wanted to play video games and tell me all about her day. This little girl that truly loved me. Instead, I saw a full-grown woman wearing a security uniform with a taser and nightstick hanging from her utility belt. A tough, broad shouldered woman. Tougher than me, that’s for sure. “You came,” she whispered. “Yup, I’m here.” I put my hands in the pockets of my jeans and shrugged. My neck felt warmer with my shoulders up there protecting it, so I kept my hunched-up posture a while. “I got a call from the babysitter. Mackenzie got sick. They rushed her to the hospital.” Tears glistened on her cheeks. Quietly at first, then she started sobbing. “I’m so worried.” Mackenzie is my niece I never saw, but I suspected is probably about two years old now. Despite not knowing her, I still loved her. You’re supposed to love family no matter what. “So, you need to go see her, and you need me to...” “Guard the door.” “Okay?” “I’ve called all my co-workers, my boss, everyone. Most didn’t answer. Some are too busy. It’s Halloween. It’s a crazy night for us.” “Right.” “You know how it is. A house gets hit with a single egg and it’s the end of the world in that community.” I didn’t know anything about this strange gated community she monitored, but now wasn’t the time for a full history lesson. My eyes followed the bridge to a door in the center. Why did a bridge have a door halfway across? “Where does the door go?” “It’s better I don’t tell you. This is a bad enough idea already. You knowing more could make it worse. Don’t let anyone near that door, okay?” “Okay.” “That’s all you have to do. Guard this door for a few hours while I see how she’s doing. Then I’ll be back. Worst case scenario, my shift ends in five hours and the next person will be here.” “That’s fine.” “You don’t have to do anything. Don’t let anyone near the door. That’s it.” “Is anyone even going to try to get to it?” I chuckled hoping to lighten her intensity. “It’s Halloween.” “What does that mean?” “Please don’t mess this up. I can’t lose this job.” “Well, the expectations of me are just so high.” She sighed. Fresh tears trickled down her cheeks as she sniffled. “It’ll be fine. I got this.” I needed to reassure her. Having a kid in the hospital was a big deal, especially one so young. “You’ll fuck it up. I know it...but what choice do I have?” She threw her arms in the air. “Thanks, sis.” My therapist told me I was doing really good considering all the trauma, but maybe that’s something only a therapist can appreciate. To the people in my life, it’ll always all be my fault somehow. Elliott split up the whole family. She shook her head and walked towards her car. “I hope she’s okay. Let me know how it goes, okay?” She kept walking. “I love you,” I yelled towards her back. She jumped in her car and sped off. “I love you too, Elliot.” I imagined her voice telling me. I even gave myself a hug. Fog surrounded the bridge, which was odd given the clarity of the other direction. I knew shit about fog. Maybe only being near the water made all the sense in the world. It gave me the creeps though. “Alright, Elliot. Here you are for several hours guarding a mysterious door. How the hell will you ever stay awake? Painful memories perhaps. They sure do work at home when you’re in bed.” I walked to the door and plopped down in front of it. So intimidating. If anyone really wanted in this door, they’d kick me aside like some small rock in their way. I’d flail and fall to the side with a weak whine of “oooohhh no! You can’t do that!” I didn’t even get a taser. I patted my pockets searching for some useful weapon in case. Nothing. All I could do was sit silently. What’s behind the door? What’s behind the door? What the fuck is behind that door? I walked to the edge where the door met the bridge and craned my neck as far as I could to see the other side. My hands clutched the damp red railing tightly. From what I could see, behind the door laid the rest of the bridge. Exciting! I sat back down with my feet dangling off the edge of the bridge and tossed pebbles into the water. They were too small to make a splash, even with the force of falling from such a great height. Then I heard a sound like a dog scratching on a door to get out. A dog scratched at this door. I didn’t see a dog though. I stood up, leaned over the railing, and glanced at the other side of the door again. I didn’t see anything. Was I not supposed to open the door? She didn’t say that. What harm would it do? Apparently, they didn’t want people crossing the bridge. It had nothing to do with an actual stupid door, right? I put my hand on the knob. Then again, why take chances? I didn’t want to be a fuck up anymore. I needed to nail this job. Needed the love from doing something well. The dog kept scratching and then whined and whimpered too. “Sorry, doggo. You can’t cross this bridge. Doggies from that side aren’t welcome here.” The dog growled. “The fuck, Cujo? You sure as shit ain’t getting over here now!” The dog snarled. “But dear sir, they’re calling for us.” A man’s voice said from the other side of the door. I froze. “W-who's calling you?” “There’s a séance in town. Margaret wants to see me. It’s Halloween. Our day to be together. If not for this silly door.” Scarlett, you may have forgotten some key instructions. I tried to call her and ask what I was supposed to do about the other side of the door trying to get in. She didn’t answer. “Fuck!” “Someone should wash that mouth out with soap.” The voice said. “My dirty mouth’s the least of my issues, Buddy.” I laughed. “Look, I can’t fuck this up, so why don’t you pick a different way to get to your séance.” “I can’t. This is the only door between our worlds.” “Worlds? You telling me the other side of that door is a whole other fucking world? I think someone’s a bit arrogant about their town patriotism.” “Well, it’d be rather nice if your world considered us one in the same. I don’t want to be separated.” “So, there’s a reason you’re behind that door and locked out. Good to know.” I looked towards the town and saw a young girl staring at me. “Why’re you talking to yourself?” “I’m not. I’m talking to this fine gentleman on the other side of the door. What’re you doing walking alone at ten o’clock?” “I was out trick or treating, but then these boys stole my candy. I ran away and now I’m lost. Can you help me?” I stepped forward, then stopped. What if this is a trick? “I-I can’t. I’m sorry.” “I’m scared...and cold...and hungry.” She cried. Her little pigtails bounced with the forceful movements of her sobs. “What’s your parent’s number? I’ll call them.” “I don’t know. I’m just a kid.” Just a kid. That work for anyone? “I’ll call the cops then.” I pulled out my phone. It didn’t turn on. Told me the battery was dead. Fucking, of course it is. “Aw, help that little girl. Turn the knob and open the door a crack first though, would you, pal?” The man’s voice said. “Shut the fuck up about that door. It’s not getting opened until my sis says it can be.” “Please, help me.” The girl whined. I noticed a figure shifting in the shadows. At first, I considered it a scarecrow and that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but then a group of teenage boys emerged. Teenage boys on Halloween. That’s something to be worried about. At one point, I was in a dangerous group like that trying to fit in. Trying to find a fake family. One of the boys walked over to the girl and flicked one of her pigtails. “I’ll help you find a way home.” “I-I think he...it’s alright. I’m fine.” “You can hang out with us a bit.” The way he looked at her made my skin crawl. The fear in her eyes, I knew all too well. I pictured bashing his head in with a baseball bat, but I didn’t have one and I couldn’t leave this stupid door. “Get away from her!” The boy looked at me and laughed. “Mind your business, old man.” “She’s just a kid.” There was that phrase again. As if bad people ever cared that kids were kids. The boy reached out and grabbed her hand. I charged. Shoved him down on the concrete. I heard my mom’s voice in my head. “He’s violent. Mentally ill. An alcoholic. A drug addict. You can’t trust a thing he says or does. Those lies about me? You don’t believe it, do you? I couldn’t possibly do that. No mother could.” She said that to my dad, and I saw the uncertainty creep across his face. “Stop!” I felt hands pulling back my shoulders. The boy remained on the ground. Blood all over his face. One of his friends shook him and got him up. They ran off. I turned in time to see one of the other boys open the door. The boy stepped back as pale apparitions walked through. They were a beautiful bluish white, and there were hundreds of them floating forward. “You saved me!” The girl yelled and threw her arms around my neck. “Ah, we’re finally free.” An old, ghost man stretched his arms and yawned. A robust woman drifted towards me. “Thank you for letting us out. It’s been years.” I dropped to my knees and buried my face in my hands. “I fucked up.” I couldn’t see a thing with the flood of tears. I cried so hard I choked and gasped for air. “Oh my, dear. What’s troubling you?” The woman asked. “All I wanted was to protect her.” “This child? Oh, you did, dear boy.” “No, my sister. Mom said if I never told anyone, she wouldn’t touch her. Wouldn’t take those pictures of her. Wouldn’t sell her. All I needed to do was keep quiet. Take it all myself. Be the tough one. I fucked it up. I fucked this up. She’ll never forgive me. I only ever fail her.” I knew it was hard understanding my words. They weren’t coherent. “Oh my, dear. I’m afraid I can’t make heads or tails of what you’re saying.” “I wanted to be a good boy.” “You are, dear. You saved this child and you freed us. That’s all very good.” “I think you need Mrs. Banana Nana.” The little girl handed me a yellow teddy bear with a torn cheek and missing eye. I hugged the bear tightly to my chest and kept wailing. I couldn’t stop. It poured uncontrollably from my body with such strength it hurt. The little girl patted my head. “Help me home. My mom will make you tea and read you a story and you’ll feel all better.” Then I heard my therapist’s voice. “You did the right thing. You did what you were supposed to.” Then why did they all turn against me? “She trusted me. How hard is watching a door?” “Well, dear, this is a pretty powerful door. I’d say it is quite a task.” Some ghosts walked forward. Some floated into the air. Thousands were pushing and shoving their way out the door. They tripped over each other and fought. They were all different ages. No way I could wrangle them back in. “Please, don't leave. Please go back!” “Sorry, dear. We’ve waited a long time for this.” The woman soared into the air after that. “You’re my hero,” the little girl whispered. “I think she’d understand.” I hid my face in Mrs. Banana Nana’s soft fur, and sucked in her sugary candy scent. “It’s not your fault, Elliot.” “I just wish I could hear that from someone who isn’t paid to say it.” “There’s candy at my house and I can show you the pumpkin I made.” “I need to fix this.” “Some things aren’t yours to fix.” Screams echoed across the town. “What the...how is this getting even worse?” A ghostly man with a dog by his side stood in front of me. “Maybe they deserve it, pal.” “Huh?” “You said earlier it sounded like there was a reason they locked me...us out. What if we aren’t the bad ones?” I stood up. The little girl took my hand in hers. My other still held the bear to my chest. What if we aren’t the bad ones?