text: Yes, I wish I’d held on to my morals. If I did, I would have still been on one of the modern cruise ships on my way to Cancun. A hollow coconut shell would have easily found its resting position in my hand, flaunting its tiny Hawaiian inspired umbrella and an “adult” cherry floating on a bright blue cheap alcohol. My Vitamin D demanding skin would have been tanned and not burnt, my new aviators would have been put to use, and my effort would be well on trying to gracefully flirt with the muscular server who would offer me pea-sized hors d'oeuvres every five minutes or so. Well, while I’m busy fantasizing on what would have happened, it’s far from reality, so far, that you couldn’t even see it from a telescope. ꧁꧂ I unwillingly felt the dense, frosty water quickly rush through my reluctant lungs without a second thought. Automatically, I unfastened my weak jaw about 180 degrees to gasp for some required oxygen, only to affectionately invite more unwanted water into my shattered body. I perceived the clearest of panic attacks creeping through the surreal corridors of my mind. I sensed it lurking. Knowing that I would be swallowed by the dark cloud of trepidation did not make too much of a difference as I voluntarily let it happen. The darkness overcame my body; I could’ve been frantically drowning in the icy waters but I was supposedly floating amongst the other surfacing debris. No one will ever have the privilege of knowing my state of being, not even myself, any memory of this incident was completely and utterly forgotten. I don’t recall I was conscious at the time. The vivid blue, cloudless sky housed a radiant sun which dazzled its glistening rays upon my senseless body. I was greeted with about six Great Egrets circling me in a flawless unison as I aggressively spat out the grainy sand out of my parched mouth. I was supposedly washed up on the uninhabited regions on Cozumel, an small island right off the Mexican coastline; about a fourty-five minute ride from Cancun. Little did I know that on the other side of the island from where I was washed up, was a small business of hotels and restaurants bustling with clients coming for a well-deserved vacation. Being way too weak for exploring, I would have never known. I was too dehydrated to think clearly and standing up so abruptly was an imprudent mistake. Dazed and disoriented, I stumbled and vigorously fell to my knees right where I was washed up in the first place. All my middle school knowledge about never to drink sea water left a blank mark in my memory as swallowed gulps after gulps of it. It did leave a rather bitter taste but I couldn’t care less. I looked back almost unintentionally and noticed a relatively large waterproof duffel bag; then it hit me. My memory steadily began returning. Remembering brief parts of what had happened, helped piece the complex puzzle together, into what seemed to be an unlikely story which wouldn’t receive an excessive amount of empathy. It was all planned out; every single possibility of what could or could not go wrong was written on those precious A4 papers back at home. Odette and I were entirely sure the heist would lay out perfectly infront of our eager eyes. Blueprints upon blueprints of the cruise ship’s hidden vents and vaults unavoidably piled themselves up on my chaotic desk. The exceptionally large cork-board which overflowed with elaborate notes, pins and strings, all lead to this one heist; a heist that Odette and I have been persistently planning for about two aching years now. We agreed to the fair deal that she would forage for all the required sources and classified information whilst I perform this rather intricate money heist. But all went burning into high blue flames. I got caught in the act, red handed, in flagrante delicto whatever you’d like to call it, but I was frozen clenching the duffle bag filled with money in my trembling hands. When flustered, one’s rational reasoning transforms into a ludicrous one beyond description. I bolted through the back door and hurled myself into the Caribbean, facing the deserved consequences of a 72 meter fall ahead of me. That was what I now call my quick sniff of death, yet I didn’t die. I have no objective as to why I voluntarily agreed to being a crucial part of this scheme, I had no reason to. Odette did find me in a rather vulnerable state of mind and promptly took advantage of my situation. After my mother died a sincerely tragic death, Odette invited herself back into my life after a few years of distance. She cautiously used her well-trained manipulatory skills to draw me into the center of her trap. I was fairly financially stable at the time and committing such a felony was an unconditionally foolish and an unnecessary act; but she promised, she promised that all this would get my mind off the tension, strain, and malevolence of the outside world. I cluelessly believed her. I eagerly poured out my heart and soul to her; I found comfort in an old friend, and to know that what she’s done for me was all for her personal benefit, crushes my core to pieces. I just shouldn’t have been so naive. As nightfall drew and my senses began slightly returning, my attention turned to the glaring lights shooting across the horizon. Many boats sped through the water and the deafening helicopters which spoilt the sweet stillness of the Mexican air, shone their overwhelming lights directly down at me and that’s when I truly realized that this was at long last, the end. Inevitably, I was subconsciously sure that I could never get away with such an offense; I didn’t have the finesse and mastery of a thief and I could never obtain it. It wasn’t in my nature. I heartily acknowledged and valued one last state of absolute calmness as I focused on the shimmering stars which reminded me of my beloved mother who always told me that everything will always find its course.