text: Couples’ Therapy I am considered to be the greatest marriage counselor on the planet; I haven’t met a couple that I wasn’t able to make peace with, especially with each other. That isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy a challenge; I can’t get too good at my trade or else I’ll get bored. But when my assistant calls my office, telling me that Zeus and Hera have made an appointment, I can’t deny the apprehension growing in my gut. I can’t help but hope that this is a joke, albeit one made in bad taste. “I booked an appointment for them just after lunch. I wouldn’t advise seeing those two on an empty stomach. I mean, Zeus and Hera, what a nightmare...” I can almost see Sadie shuddering in sympathy. “Please tell me you’re not referring to the Greek deities. As in, The King and Queen of the gods. Was it a prank call? Are they... code names?” I’m all too aware that I’m not using my therapy voice, that I’m pitchy and desperate and sweat is gathering on my brow, the back of my neck, the small of my back. Even I can’t do the impossible. Asking those two to make up was akin to asking the universe for a miracle. An entire mythology has been conceived on their tempestuous relationship. For the first time, I’m just not sure if I can manage this. As lost as I am in my own thoughts, I can barely register that Sadie is still speaking. “No joke, I’m afraid, Rita,” She says grimly. “I asked again. It’s really them.” I never imagined that it would come to this; years of hard work and schooling, all to see the most dysfunctional couple this side of Western civilization. “Good luck, you’ll need it.” \*\* After a hurried lunch down the street from the office, eaten so quickly I barely tasted it, I walk into the office and sit down at my desk, smoothing my hair back into its bun at the nape of my neck. Nerves like I haven’t felt since my first appointments were making my stomach dance; I mentally shake myself. *Get it together, Deidre. If anyone can fix those two, it’s you. You’re more famous than Dr. Phil and Oprah put together! What’s the worst that can happen?* One o’clock comes and goes, and by quarter past, there is a series of sharp knocks on the door. “Come in, please!” I call, sitting up straight. I get up and walk to the mini fridge next to the window, getting out two frosty bottles of water. I put the candy dish that sits on my desk on the small table that sat in between two chairs; I’ve found, in my line of work, that people tend to open up more when they were comfortable. Zeus and Hera make an imposing couple, powerful on any plane, whether it be Mount Olympus or my tiny office; even though this is my own domain, I am intimidated, though I would never admit it. Zeus enters the room first, in a sharply cut black and gray pinstriped suit, hand outstretched, his face jovial and friendly. But his eyes, a dark brown that they were almost black, are cold, dark tunnels; if I’d been in any situation but a professional setting, I would be running away. He is tall and muscular, with olive skin, dark curls, and the beginnings of a goatee, hiding a strong chin. He is appealing, if only from an aesthetic standpoint. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Evander,” He rumbles, and before I can shake his hand, as I intended, he kisses the top of my hand, smiling. “I’ve heard so many good things about you, I just knew that if anyone could help us with our... issues, it would be you.” Everyone knows that Zeus could put on a good front, surely no one more than his own wife. His mouth is spread in a wide, relaxed smile, as if he does this sort of thing all the time. I can’t deny that it set me on edge; there was a cold undertone to him that I immediately do not trust. Hera is sitting down already, twisting the top off of her water bottle and taking a quick swig. In her other hand, she takes a piece of candy and rolls it between her fingers. She is dressed beautifully, in a sapphire-blue dress that emphasized her ample figure, and she wears a necklace that matched her eyes, amethysts. With her long, lush red locks pulled up in a chignon, fair skin with the faintest sprinkling of freckles on her forehead and nose, her mouth painted a pale, demure pink, she and her husband cut a devastating contrast. I’ve read the myths, and I’ve always thought of Hera as an evil, wicked harpy who took out her husband’s infidelities on everyone else but him. But seeing her now, in front of my own eyes, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. Her position could not have been an enviable one. Zeus had been one of the Western world’s first scoundrels, in every sense of the word. “Thank you for fitting us in on such short notice, I apologize,” The goddess murmurs quietly, a comely flush flooding her pale cheeks. “Honestly... I just wasn’t sure what to do. Things have been going so wrong between us, for years now. And if you’re the best, surely you could help us.” She is smiling at me, but her eyes cut to her husband, and soon her lips thin in a defiant line; I can see immediately why they were on the wrong page. “I’m happy to help,” I say, smiling at them both. “It is my job, after all. Now, we’re going to begin with an honest dialogue. The rule is we don’t speak until the other person is done talking. Thus, each of you will have time to air your grievances and speak about your problems, and then we can set about beginning to fix them. Who would like to go first?” Hera looks up. “I’d like to go first, please, Doctor. If... my lord husband will permit me.” She frowns at her husband, who smirks, shrugging, as if to say, *By all means, lady wife.* “Go ahead.” I say, putting a box of tissues on the table next to her, should she need it. “I also want to note that I will not be passing judgement on either of you. That isn’t what you’re paying me for, so please feel free to express what’s really on your mind. Nothing either of you say will leave this room.” Hera, it seems, doesn’t need any more encouragement than that, because she begins to speak, her voice trembling and her eyes full of unshed tears. “My husband and I,” She begins, and I note how she doesn’t seem to have any sort of identity outside of her spouse or marriage, a red flag right off the bat, “We are the King and Queen of the Greek gods, and as I’m sure you know, I am the goddess of marriage. Of childbirth. So, you must understand how embarrassing it is for me, that my own husband often frequents the beds of mortals, goddesses, and whoever he shows attraction to. It’s not fair, not to me, our children, our whole family!” I nod quietly, not wanting to say anything else unless she’s not finished. Hera reaches for the tissue box, delicately plucking one and holding it to her streaming eyes. “I... I’m sorry.” She murmurs, eyes cast downward, tissue clenched in her fist. “I didn’t mean to get carried away.” I notice how, after this outburst, Zeus has turned away from his wife, legs crossed, hands clenched into fists in his lap, neck flushing red, with anger or embarrassment, I cannot tell. I’m good at reading people, but Zeus is clearly well-versed in hiding his emotions; I can’t get a read off of him, even while his wife pours her heart out on the floor beside him. “Is that all you wanted to say, Hera?” I ask, turning my gaze back to her, and she nods, though she is glaring at her husband with narrowed eyes. If looks could kill... “Yes, Dr. Evander. Thank you for listening,” She whispers, and I smile at her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. “Of course. All right, now it’s Zeus’s turn. Do you have anything to say to your wife?” I ask, dreading the answer. The answering silence is thick with things unsaid, the tension climbing until even I begin to squirm. He nods, running a hand through his hair. He takes a deep breath, and looks at Hera. “You know, I wouldn’t have to go to other women if you were more attentive to me and my needs. Ever since that whole ugly incident with Hephaestus, you’ve been acting insufferable.” Hera blinks, more stunned than if he had slapped her. *“That incident with Hephaestus? You threw our son off of a cliff!”* Her voice climbs to a shrill, hysterical shriek, and I wince, quickly standing up and putting myself between them. “Now, let’s just calm down. I’m officially taking you two on as my clients, because unfortunately, time is up.