text: There it stood, at the end of a dilapidated alleyway, silhouetted against a display of flickering, fluorescent lights, like a hidden treasure waiting to be uncovered. The temperature was unforgiving, and the wind relentless, but the shop emitted a warmth like no other. The streets encasing the rest of the city were bustling with holiday chaos, yet amongst it all, that singular street acted as the eye of the storm. Nadia wasn’t quite sure if it was the unique discovery that enticed her or if it was the awaited company that made her travels worthwhile, but that moment encompassed her with a surreal feeling of serenity. She would do everything in her power to hold onto it. Following the cracked sections of concrete as a guide, Nadia tiptoed carefully down the snow-dusted path, her cheeks blushed, nose numb, and glasses fogged. For the first time all month, she had begun to feel the Christmas spirit that everyone talks about. As she approached the welcome mat, Nadia hummed holiday tunes she hadn’t reminisced on in years. Silver jingle bells greeted her upon entering the building, as well as a cheery clerk, but her ears were instantly deafened by the sight of him. He was everything and nothing she remembered him to be. Although bloodshot and strained, his artic blue eyes still pierced through her soul and spoke to her. His hair was disheveled and his clothes wrinkled, but it looked like he put whatever effort he could muster up into being presentable. His natural build was muscular, but even through his layers of undershirts and sweaters, it looked like he was starving. “Delvin- it’s so good to see... you look... how’s it been...” Struggling to find the right words to initiate a conversation that was long overdue, Nadia realized she was still standing in the entryway of the shop. Delvin had centered his focus on her from the second she walked in and was already pushing in his chair to meet her. As soon as he touched her shoulder and met her eyes, all discomfort and apprehension was cast away. “Nadia, my friend. Would you like something to eat? To drink? Actually, scratch that. I know just what you want.” She smirked; his voice reminded her of a forgotten comfort zone. Hidden behind the register, the clerk sprung up as the two neared, seemingly embarrassed by the way she was trying to eavesdrop. Among the dimmed lights, cozy atmosphere, and lack of customers, the girl had all but fallen asleep before some entertainment presented itself. With utmost confidence, Delvin ordered, “One hot chocolate for the lady, and-” Nadia peeped up at Delvin as she interrupted him, “Just make it the one- we’ll share. And don’t go light on the marshmallows.” Delvin reached in his pocket and repeatedly flipped through his wallet, as if the money he spent was simply misplaced in another compartment. Without hesitation, Nadia pulled out her own money, and dropped the remaining change in the tip jar. She pressed her lips together and exchanged a quick glance with Delvin, as if to say, “no trouble at all.” Through clenched teeth, Delvin’s humility quickly turned to that of alleviation because of the way Nadia so easily dismissed the incident. In just a few minutes, out came a candy cane striped mug with melted marshmallows to the brim and a sprinkle of cocoa on top. Nadia’s inner child overtook as she giddily carried the steaming chocolate to an isolated table nestled in the back corner of the shop. Pulling the second stool closer to her own, Nadia patted the seat for Delvin to join. Surrounded by nothing but four walls and empty tables, she could finally have her deserved time alone with a long, lost friend. Nadia wasted no time letting her drink cool; she closed her eyes in ecstasy as the rich chocolate coated her throat. She set the mug down a little too excitedly, spilling some over the sides. She licked the sticky marshmallow residue off the top of her lip. Delvin was never too keen on sweets, but she was insistent that he try. For as confident as Delvin was, he knew Nadia was abundantly more stubborn, so he didn’t try resisting. The two shared a brief moment of silence, euphoric over the sugar and reconciliation, until the high came crashing down like a wave. Intently and intensely, Nadia scoffed, “So tell me, Delvin. Why are you here?” Caught off guard by her quick change in demeanor, Delvin tilted his head to the side like a lost puppy dog. One deep breath in, “...because, you know that’s not how friendships work, right? You don’t get to just up and leave and disappear like a videogame you got bored of playing, right?” One deep breath out. All the pent up resentment and confusion Nadia was holding onto came bubbling up and out like an overflowing pot of boiling water. Delvin was slow to speak and careful to choose what he might say next. “What I did was beyond wrong. Abandoning you like that- I’ll never forgive myself. And I’m not sure what took me so long to come to my senses, but... I miss you, Nadia. You’re the only person that was ever there for me through thick and thin. I needed to see you again- to get a look at those dorky glasses you love, to hear your dirty jokes and innocent laugh, to feel that untouchable bond we shared since day one.” His apology would never mend the countless nights she spent chewing her fingers till they bled or the backlash so many had taken from her on account of him- but he was, at least, painfully sincere. She could tell by the twitching of his nose and by the way his ears were turning red. Nadia thought back on the first time they had ever met. ...Ten years old, and her mom was still attempting to arrange friendships. Even though she was never the outgoing, girly-girl her mom had always dreamed of, Nadia had enough individuality to stand firm in her own skin, which meant she was more than content with existing in the solitude of her own room. When Delvin arrived, hiding behind his own mother’s leg, it was clear to her that neither of them wanted to indulge in their parents’ playdate fantasies. After some awkward icebreakers and uncalled for accusations, the two came to learn that they had quite a bit in common- most importantly, the fact that their parents wanted them to be something they weren’t. For Nadia, it was a princess-loving cheerleader, and, for Delvin, a musical prodigy like his father. Not long after this discovery, the two were inseparable, creating memories and wrecking havoc everywhere they went. One evening while their mothers gossiped about the disappointments their children had become, Nadia and Delvin exchanged a Polly Pocket doll and a guitar pick to signify that they would never be what was expected of them, but instead, stay true to themselves... The fond memory eased Nadia’s outburst. She mulled over it for a while, sipping her cocoa until she couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Do you remember the time we came back home with matching tattoos?” Delvin raised his eyebrows as he pulled down his sleeve to study his wrist, “Hm, well, tattoos tend to be permanent, so I’m wondering at what point you thought I may have forgotten...” Nadia playfully grabbed his arm and snorted, “Oh hush, you jerk. You knew what I meant.” ...They had already left the house on false pretenses, and being that Nadia was the responsible one of the two, she wondered how long it would take for the guardians to decode their forged story and notice the stolen car. Delvin was a competent driver, but that still didn’t account for the fact that he was license-less. Nadia’s worry, however, was short lived, as they cruised down the backroads, high on nothing but life. She wanted to bottle that lighthearted feeling up forever: the wind tangling her hair, the bass vibrating the floor, and the smell of farm animals permeating the car atmosphere. Then a lightbulb was lit; she knew just how to preserve the moment in the most permanent way she could. As she shrieked Delvin’s name, he slammed on the brakes, tailspinning to the center of the road and skidding to a stop. The adrenaline only heightened Nadia’s excitement as she exclaimed, “We need matching tattoos. This instant.” When they returned home to infuriated parents who grounded them for the rest of their adolescent years, Nadia could do nothing but smile at her freshly inked skin: a car with angel wings... It was now Delvin who felt the need to sip on the luke-warm chocolate as he dared to venture into dangerous territories. “It really wasn’t until after highschool that you and I faded, you know.” Nadia began uncomfortably tapping her feet on the ground, prepared to correct him and also slightly offended by a word as nonchalant as “faded.” “A bit before that, actually. It was definitely near the end of senior year that I started pushing away...” ...Ever since she was young, Nadia preferred to be antisocial, unless it meant time with Delvin. She eventually concluded that this was the reason he could convince her to leave the house, even if it meant being out of her comfort zone and in less than ideal situations. During their high school years, this usually meant unruly parties and taboo scenes for Delvin. This particular party was out of the ordinary in a few senses. Normally, Nadia would end up sneaking off by herself to an empty room, or taking care of Delvin once he had one too many drinks. This time, Delvin was insistent on Nadia letting loose and spending time with him. Much to her surprise, Nadia started enjoying the vodka punch drinks and the way they were making her anxieties vanish and her legs float. It was almost comparable to the way it felt in that car so long ago- just a bit more... artificial. When the dancing became tiresome, Delvin guided Nadia to a couch on the outskirts of the commotion. They talked about light topics and dark topics; they talked for what felt like minutes to what felt like hours. In the middle of one of Nadia’s slurred sentences, Delvin pressed his finger up to her lips. He held it there for a while, studying her features like she was a goddess sent from Heaven. He dragged his finger from her lip up to her forehead, pushing strands of hair behind her ear. The cheering and music coming from the crowd became inaudible; all she could do was feel his hand pull her in, his gentle lips lock with hers, and his chest rise and fall more and more rapidly. He might not have known it, but that was her first kiss, and he made it everything she wanted it to be. She stumbled to the bathroom through a sea of tipsy teenagers, unable to contain her grin. As she stood in front of the mirror, wiping smeared lip gloss off her cheeks, she thought about all of the things that she wanted to say to him when she got back; however, Nadia’s butterflies suffocated quickly when she returned to Delvin posed on that same couch with another girl. Although- it wasn’t the way he kissed her that would haunt Nadia- it was the fact that he wouldn’t remember a single second of it come morning... “You never told me about that night, Nadia.” With a despondent smile, she rhetorically questioned, “Would it have made a difference?” Delvin clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth, hoping it might form the right words. Nadia spoke up before he could figure them out. “That still wasn’t the last major encounter between us before you disappeared, though. I think you know what night I’m referring to...” ...It had been days since Nadia heard from him- which wasn’t uncommon anymore, but this time her gut feeling seemed different. She wasn’t the type to show up unannounced, which made her question her entire identity as she kicked his door in. His apartment was littered with rotting garbage and weeks worth of dirty dishes and clothes. A cockroach scurried across her foot as she began desperately searching through rooms. Nadia almost overlooked Delvin completely as he curled up in the corner of his bathroom. She had never seen him so small. Falling to her knees in front of him, she was at a loss for what to do. Delvin was incoherently murmuring, tapping his fingers incessantly, and struggling to keep his head from banging into the toilet. Exposed from in between his toes was a needle, still dangling from the skin. Mortified, Nadia reached for her cellphone to call emergency services, but Delvin aggressively grabbed her ankle. “N-no. P-please. I’ll be o-o-okay.” His head was feverishly burning, but he was shivering like he had just taken an ice bath. Conflicted among mortality, instincts, and friendship, Nadia reluctantly made her obvious choice. They rode the night out together, and, even in his state of overdosed delirium, Nadia still didn’t leave his side... Suddenly passionate and animated, Delvin implored, “That night is exactly the reason why I reached out to you, Nadia. I was in denial before, but I’m lost and alone.. I need help, and I need yours. You're the only one who has stuck by me, genuinely cared about me-“ Nadia pressed her fingers to his lips, like he had done to her so many years ago. In all the time they spent together, she had seen him beyond overwhelmed and at his lowest, but she had never seen him cry. His eyes began welling up, and his hands started to tremble. She knew in her heart that he was serious this time. “I want you to have this...” Delvin exposed a Polly Pocket doll from his pocket, and, instantaneously, Nadia giggled until it hurt. Then, along with Delvin, she began to cry. Knowing she had done the same thing with his guitar pick, she asked, “You really kept that thing all these years?” Delvin closed her hand around the doll. “...I could never bring myself to get rid of it. I didn’t want to risk breaking our bond... that doll stood for everything we used to be. Superstitious- I know- but listen to me. I’m checking myself into rehab tomorrow, and I don’t want you to give this back to me until I get out. Do you understand?” Nadia promised with every fiber of her being that she would support Delvin to the end. With the last two swigs of remaining cold chocolate, each of them toasted as a means of authenticating their vow. For a moment in time, Nadia started to believe that Christmas miracles did exist. All barriers broken down, they embraced, saying all that had to be said through their touch. Delvin gave Nadia one last wink as he exited the shop, determined to make things right once and for all. Nadia leaned back and closed her eyes, decompressing and relishing in the rekindled friendship and hopeful future Delvin was preparing for himself. She envisioned the new and old memories they could create and recreate when Delvin was substance free. Then all at once, everything became quiet, so quiet that she could hear the ticks on her wrist watch, like a metronome... until a shrieking tire squeal followed by a violent crash interrupted them. It bellowed down the alleyway and shook the windows, the tables, and the ceramic mug still sitting in front of her. There were seconds of eerie silence afterwards before the blaring sirens commenced. The clerk sounded frantic as she jolted up from behind the counter, running to the window. Nadia felt a pit form in her stomach that was rising to her throat, blocking her airway, choking her and preventing her from screaming. She refused to open her eyes because the darkness was the only thing keeping her from awakening to a devastating reality. Then her cellphone rang, forcing her to face the truth... When Nadia opened her eyes, she was alone. No panic-stricken clerk, no ambulance alarms or medics, no distraught bystanders. She unsteadily arose from the table, preparing to take one last walkthrough of the shop. Shattered glass remained scattered throughout, mold had overtaken most of the walls, and the floorboards were splintered and decayed. She passed by the counter and brushed the dust off the broken cash register, wondering how many times it served its purpose before giving up. When approaching the exit, she listened for the familiar jingle of bells. The once welcoming door mat had become frayed and illegible, stained by hundreds of mud covered shoes. There was a paper still posted on the door: a notice of eviction, dated five years prior. Nadia looked up to see that the elegant string of lights had been replaced by obnoxious, neon caution tape. It was time. Clamping her fists together tightly over her possessions, Nadia squatted down at the entryway. She blamed the hesitation on being frozen; her hands were too numb to unclench. Once she found the courage to release, she revealed a Polly Pocket doll and a guitar pick. She lifted up the mat and tucked the items safely underneath. Following the path out of the alleyway, she restored her original trail that had been coated by a thick layer of snow since her arrival. Nadia looked one more time over her shoulder; Delvin was standing on the welcome mat, winking goodbye. As she looked up to the sky, snowflakes melted on her cheeks. In a strangely liberating way, she knew Delvin and her tracks would soon be concealed forever.