text: There are some things that a husband should never do: cheat on his wife, cook without cleaning up, go shopping with her, and LOOK IN HER PURSE. These are all no-win situations. "Have you seen my keys", I said. "I was holding them for you last night. They're in my purse", she says. "Can you get them for me", I inquire. She says, "My purse is hanging on the bedroom doorknob. You can get it yourself". I've been through this before. IT's like opening Pandora's Box, like being Alice in Wonderland, like falling into a Black hole. There are things there that you don't want to know. There is order in disorder; and there seems to be no end. No husband should have to look in his wife's purse. It's a no-win situation. If I find my keys, she will want to know why I, "had to tear her purse apart to find them". And if I can't find them (even though I hear them jiggling), I will have to endure her barrage of, "you can never find anything", or, "you don't know how to look for things" (as if there's more than one way). The purse was one of six that she currently owned. I would have guessed a number closer to the number of states in the union. She said she only uses two. The dark navy blue one is for the fall and winter. The other one is white for spring and summer, and she starts using it on Easter Day. She also has several small clutch purses (with many compartments) for when we go out, a fanny pack for swap meets, and a huge gunny sack for when we go to baseball games. I've carried the same wallet since...Nixon was President! I reached in and found them. On the first try I had found keys--her keys on a huge safety pin. I put them to the side. I shook the purse. I could hear my keys laughing at me. There were two sides to the purse and four zippers. I would find my keys, but not before emptying her purse on the bed. For those of you too timid to venture into the unknown, let me list what I found: |⇝| **Zipper 1** || Lipstick *Comb* Fingernail file *Chapstick* Tweezers *Kleenex* Handy Wipes *Sunglasses* Reading glasses *Gum* Dental Floss *Cellular Phone* Coupons *Ink Pens* |⇝| **Zipper 2**|| *Hard Candy* Business Cards *Emergency Numbers* Lady's Personal Items |⇝| **Zipper 3**|| Nose Spray *Imodium* Primetime Mists |⇝| **Zipper 4**|| Checkbook ***MY KEYS*** |⇝| &#x200B; "Did you find your keys," she yelled from the kitchen. "Right where you said they'd be", I replied as I hurriedly stuffed things back in. I had filled the purse, but there were items still on the bed. How could that be? Maybe if I ate a few pieces of gum, used some of the Kleenex, and hid some coupons, I could close the purse. There, everything restored! I held up the keys like a trophy and said that they were right where she had said. "Great", she said. "I have my purse organized so that when I'm driving, I can just reach over, and without looking, find things". "I need some aspirin!" I say.