text: # Letters to L ## April 23, 2016 I ran into you again. “Third time’s the charm” is what I would’ve said if we’d known each other. This way, we’re just two soulmates roaming the world without an opportunity to meet. “How are you?” How is that.. thing, going? Is what I would’ve said if I got the chance to talk to you.This way we’re doomed for unhappiness with other people, constantly yearning for each other without a way or opportunity to meet. ## May 13, 2016 Today, I saw you again. It was one of those moments where I moved to one side of the street and you moved to that same side and it wasn’t clear which one of us should move. You seemed a little annoyed when I bumped into you. I guess because I intentionally walked into you? And I think you could’ve felt that. Because you know me so well. Wow, I thought after that, our first fight huh? We’re really going through the same things as every couple, which is cute when you think about it. Love works in mysterious ways and sometimes the universe really has to interfere for two people to collide. ## June 1, 2016 I’m thinking of our future children. They’d have your hair. And really - knowing you - I know you’d be a great dad. I know we disagree sometimes, we are so different after all. But you’d do really well, it feels like we would get along, you know what I mean? I know you know what I mean. And I know you’ve been thinking about these same things as well and maybe, just like me, you’ve been reluctant to say hi. How do you even, say hi, to your soulmate? How do you just say - Hi, I am your soulmate and I think you might know that? But you might know. ## June 26, 2016 I feel like one of these days, I’ll run into you again and you’ll just start talking, we’ll just start talking. I know you have so much to say although you’ve been so very quiet with me. Almost like you’re mad at me.. Are you mad at me? Is it because I bumped into you the other day? Or is there something about me that just doesn’t say: “This person is my soulmate” to you? You know, I think all couples fight, it’s normal. But I know we’re going to get through this - just like we’re going to get through everything. We might have differing opinions but I think we always get to the same point after all. We always meet each other at that same spot again and again. Sometimes it takes a month, sometimes it takes years but we always meet eventually. ## August 1, 2016 I feel like you haven’t been fair. I don’t like how you treat me. Like making me move because of you. I left everything. I had to leave my cat because my new landlord doesn’t allow pets. I understand couples do that for each other and we all have to make sacrifices for love, I just.. I... And I don’t even know if you’re a cat person. This is exactly the kind of thing people who know each other so well miss out on. How do you like your eggs? Do you even eat eggs? It would be really awkward if you came to my place for breakfast and I didn’t know what you liked having for breakfast. Don’t you think that would be awkward? Like - who am I to you even? It’s like - I’m supposed to know you. And yet - sometimes I feel like I don’t. I mean, I don’t even know your name. I thought it was.. Lirk? But that’s not a common name and it’s only been shouted once around you and you turned around and I just assumed that was your name. I don’t even know if that’s why you turned around or was it because someone yelled and you wanted to see what was going on? In hindsight, I should’ve chosen a more common name to yell out and see if you’ll turn around.. Like John or Jack.. Not that I specifically imagined my future husband being named Lirk, of course. Do you, Katie, take Lirk to be your lawfully wedded husband? No, that’s not how I imagined it, you’re right. Should’ve said John or Jack. Really, those are the only two names I like. But it’s ok if that’s not your name. I know an Anthony that goes by John, I know a Richard that goes by Jack, he’s in witness protection. ## September 22, 2016 Today, I saw you again. One of the photos of you I took last year from my window fell off the shelf. It’s like you’re calling out to me. Sometimes people say, if you’re looking for a sign, you’ll never get one. But I think I got my sign. I know you’ve been thinking about me too. Even today, I know that hasn’t been a coincidence, I know you’re trying to reach out, I know you’re shy and it’s hard for you to open up to people. I know so much about you, I wish you’d notice that. ## November 1, 2016 I haven’t seen you in a while, I’m really hoping you didn’t move again. It would be really stressful for me to have to move again, I already changed my job twice this year. I understand that, you know, love takes time and love is a compromise. Frankly, I think you’re a weird person though we all have our quirks. You keep people at a distance, you don’t let people get close to you, you get annoyed when I run into you. Sometimes it just feels like I’m the only one making an effort here. Like you don’t even care about me. Do you even love me? I can’t stand the fact that other people think they know you better than me. How can anyone know you better than me? I’m sorry, I’m sorry for saying that. You’re a loner, I’ve never seen you with anyone else. And you’re perfect for me, I know that - I’m a loner too. It gets hard meeting new people in every new part of town we move to but I think it’s worth it. We all need to compromise and you sure have. ## November 11, 2016 “Love each other even when you’re not together. The people who love each other only when they’re together - don’t care who they’re with.” It’s not about the time we spent together - it’s about what we do when we’re together. Like, remember that time I ran into you? You were so annoyed, it was so cute. I think you’re really cute when you’re angry. I also remember going to the store one day and as soon as I got back home, sitting by my window - I saw you immediately followed me into the store thinking I was still there. It’s like - did you want to just smell me? Just get a little whiff of me? I totally get that ❤️ ## December 11, 2016 My sister asked me about you coming for the holidays again this year. I didn’t know what to say. I try avoiding the topic, just so she doesn’t realize this hasn’t come up in conversation yet. We’re just not like other couples and I don’t know, I don’t think she gets that. She’s been married a long time and she forgot how hard it is to find your soulmate. I mean, now that I think of it, I’m not a huge fan of her and Jack, I don’t consider them to be soulmates. Just living with someone for 15 years doesn’t make them your soulmate. And I know what you’re gonna say - when you know you know. And I agree - with us, it was so easy. I know. And I know you know. Other people don’t necessarily get it. ## December 15, 2016 You make me feel so lonely sometimes. And I know most people in relationships feel like this sometimes. I know relationships aren’t easy, I don’t know why I thought ours would be. I haven’t seen you in a while, I’m wondering where you are. We’re probably always missing each other, we’re like cute sitcom couple, you’re the Ross to my Rachel. And I know you can smell me, I know you know I was just there ## May 13, 2017 We’re gonna tell our grandchildren about today. Today we held hands for the first time ❤️ I was at the store, waiting for you to come by. When you reached for the beer fridge, I reached for the same beer, can you believe it? I know what you like - Bud light. That’s now my favorite too. Ah, young love, it’s overwhelming sometimes. But these little milestones really keep me going. ## August 4, 2017 Finally, you reached out to me today. I was right there, on the street, and I could JUST FEEL you behind me, I could FEEL you wanting to yell my name at the top of your lungs. I’m realizing how bad of an idea it would’ve been. At this point, it feels like it would ruin everything. Like every relationship, ours is vulnerable too. And while I know we’re strong deep inside, I’m still afraid sometimes. So there you go there’s your answer as to why I didn’t turn around. But I think you know, right? I know you know. You know that I can feel you, you know how much it meant to me. Especially after not seeing you for months, I was really worried you moved again without checking with me. You know that hurts me yet you still do it over and over again (who the hell moves three times a year?!). But I guess this is one of those things, one of those recurring fights we’re gonna have that every couple does. ## December 11, 2017 I’m dreading visiting my family over the holidays. They’re so ignorant. They don’t appreciate me as much as you do. They keep bringing up me being “42 years old and single” as if they know everything. They don’t see what we see, they really don’t. And they don’t understand why they haven’t met you and that you prefer spending Christmas with your family, a lot of people do. I don’t want this to turn into another recurring fight which is why I don’t insist. It’s fine, because I get you. I’m the only one that does and I think you know that. Lirk? ## August 25, 2018 Well, today’s the day. I knew all good things take time, I knew my family was wrong, I knew everybody was wrong. Now, I have my confirmation, the stars have aligned. Today, almost 3 years after we met, 5 homes later, so many wonderful memories together - today you finally talked to me. I’ll always remember it. I was just outside the store, and you looked at me. You looked deep into my eyes, first time ever we made eye contact and you asked what I was looking at, trying to capture my gaze. I guess you could tell I was a little distracted, perhaps a little enamored. And yes, it’s so cute but I guess I was staring. You were intrigued by my gaze, you could tell I was distraught, I wasn’t being myself and you - of course you knew something was wrong. What a good conversation starter. I’ll always remember those curious words, even if none are spoken between us again. “What the hell are you looking at” Love really is.. when you know you know.