text: MY FIRST CRUSH EVER was on this girl named "Jane Lastname". I was only about ten years old when I first met her. Her older brother played goalie for my older brother's hockey team. They played together for a few seasons, and Jane would be at every game. Over time, her and my younger sister became pretty good friends. She was a couple years older than my sister though, and that put her closer in age to me. So, over time, I became friends with her too. And I liked her. I remember pretending that I didn't like her, and teasing her, and doing all the dumb things that little boys do when they first start developing feelings that they don't understand...but I liked her. Alas, after years of friendship, when I was about twelve and a half, the time came for our brothers to move on and play for separate teams. And that was it. I never saw Jane again. Until... JANE FROM FOREVER AGO A Love Story I was seventeen years old. I had just begun my senior year in high school. I was unjustifiably confident, sorta cute in an awkward way, perpetually stoned, and just basically happy. It was Friday night. My friend, Rob, had just picked me up to head out to a party. The party was at a house in the big city, which was about a thirty minute drive from our small town. I didn't really know the person having the party, but Rob was going there to meet up with some chick, and he had asked me go with him. I had agreed because I liked parties. We arrived at the house. It was on a quiet street in a pretty nice neighborhood. However, as soon as we walked inside; we were met with chaos. The place was packed. That song, Mr. Brightside by The Killers, was blasting super loud, and kids were dancing everywhere. Rob and I quickly found a couple of drinks, met a few people, and started having a pretty good time. Eventually, Rob met up with his girl, and they sorta disappeared on me. It was cool though. I had started playing a drinking game with some dudes, and I hardly noticed he was gone. After the game, a few guys invited me to get high, and I followed them outback. There was a bonfire going on, and we all sat down around it. As we were smoking, a couple more groups of people came out and joined us by the fire. I figured I should introduce myself to some of these new people, so I stood up and said, "Hey guys, I'm...." "IAN!!" I spun around to see who had somehow successfully guessed my name. That's when I saw her. It had been years, but I still instantly recognized her. It was Jane Lastname, my old childhood crush. She was standing there, smiling ear to ear. And she looked absolutely amazing. She had grown up to become super, super hot. Before I even had a chance to say anything, she ran right up to me and gave me a giant hug. I was practically in a state of shock and could only manage to utter a simple, "Hey." "Oh my god! Ian! You probably don't even remember me! My name's Jane Lastname! Our brothers used to play hockey together. I had the biggest crush on you growing up!" I didn't know what to say. Of course I remembered her. I hadn't thought about her in forever, but I certainly hadn't forgotten about her. She was the first girl I had ever like-liked. She was the first girl I had ever tried to look nice for. She was the first girl I had ever wanted to do mouth stuff with. And now here she was, looking just unbelievably beautiful, and saying she used to have a crush on me too. This was officially the highlight of my life up until this point. I decided to just do my best to try and play things cool. "Oh, wow, Jane Lastname. Of course I remember you. How have ya been?" "I've been great! How have you been? How's your sister?!" "I've been good. She’s good. How's your brother, Jason? Is he still playing hockey?" "No, he gave that up a long time ago. He's actually going to school to become a vet." "Oh. That's weird. I thought you had to go to war to become a vet." Jane laughed. "No, silly. A veterinarian." "Oooh. That makes more sense. I just don't get why you didn't say kitty doctor." Jane laughed again. We sat down next to the bonfire and continued catching up. We talked about all the fun we used to have together at the hockey rink. We talked about all that had changed in our lives over the last five or so years. We talked about our families, and our friends, and our pets. We talked about everything. The minutes turned to hours with the two of us just lost in conversation. This crazy ass party kept going on around us, but it was like we were off in our own little world. I really liked talking to her too. She was funny, but even more importantly; she really seemed to find me funny. And I really liked making her laugh. She'd flash this little smile every time she started laughing, and it was just like the prettiest thing ever. It would send fireworks shooting around inside of me every time I saw it. We had been talking for over two hours straight when we were finally interrupted by one of Jane's friends. She stumbled over to us and started complaining to Jane about having to pee. Jane admitted she had to go to the bathroom as well, and told her friend she'd accompany her inside. But before she got up; she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then she whispered in my ear, "Don't move. I'll be right back." My heart was racing as I watched Jane and her friend head into the house. It really felt like there was something magical between us. A dude sitting on the other side of me tapped me on the shoulder to offer me a joint. I accepted it; and I started looking around at this giant party I had been ignoring. There were now an insane amount of kids there. And then, all of a sudden, out of like completely nowhere, about half of them shouted, "CCCOOOPPPPSSSSSS!!!!!" Sirens and flashing lights filled the air while kids scrambled in every direction. I just momentarily froze next to the fire with the joint in my mouth. Finally, my brain caught up to what was happening, and I decided that I should probably fucking run. So I jumped up and took off. I ran through at least two neighboring yards and then finally leapt behind a little bush. From where I hid, I could still see the back of the party house. And I watched as the cops chased around the unlucky kids. I sat behind my trusty little bush, watching and waiting for the cops to leave. Then, suddenly, I heard something much scarier than the sound of a siren. I heard a small rustling of leaves. It was coming from inside my trusty little bush. I looked closer. Then I spotted two little eyes staring back at me. And I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT! Once again, I was up and running. Only this time, I wasn't fearing some dumb underage drinking ticket. I was fearing being murdered by a horrifying, bloodthirsty, bush-dwelling creature. So the running didn't stop. I just kept on going. I probably ran for a good twenty minutes through random yards until I was positive there were no monsters chasing me. I eventually did force myself to stop running. Kinda because I knew I was being a giant pussy, and kinda because I was just completely out of breath. It was at this point that I realized two things: The first, was that I somehow still had that joint in my mouth. I had apparently neglected to ditch it during my entire chaotic escape. And that was pretty cool. But the second thing I realized, was that I had no idea where I was, no idea how far I'd just run, and no idea how to get back to the party. And that was significantly less cool. I took a brief moment to survey my surroundings. I deduced that my panicked sprinting had luckily maintained somewhat of a straight line. So it didn't take me too long to make it back out to the road that I was positive the party was on. It was pretty late by this point, and there were no cars to be seen in either direction. So I figured I'd just follow the road until I made it back. I lit my joint back up and began walking down the dark and lonely street. I prayed Rob hadn't left the party yet since he was my only ride home. But even more so; I prayed Jane would still be there. I wasn't ready for our reunion to be cut short like this. I really wanted to see where things might be going between us. I kept thinking about her as I continued my surprisingly long walk underneath the stars. I had always believed in that silly notion of "true love". That there was like one perfect person out there for everybody. A "soulmate". And now, I'm not saying that I thought Jane was my soulmate or anything. That'd be crazy. This was the first time I had seen her in forever. But still, I just had this weird feeling that maybe she COULD be my soulmate. I mean, who knows, right? I had been walking now for quite some time, but I still hadn't made it back to the party. Just then, I noticed a set of headlights approaching in the distance. I quickly tossed my everlasting joint fearing that it may be one of the cops that initially caused this whole mess. However, as the vehicle came closer, it began flashing its headlights, and I realized it wasn't a cop car. It was a Rob car. And the Rob inside looked super fucking pissed. He pulled over and immediately began shouting at me through his lowered window. "DUDE! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL NIGHT?!?!" "Oh, hey, man. Umm. There was an incident with a monster." "What?! What the fuck are you talking about? How stoned are you? Get in the god damn car!" I climbed in and began to explain to Rob about being by the bonfire when the cops showed up, and then hiding in the neighbor's yard, and then encountering a mysterious beast, and then running like a madman throughout the neighborhood. I continued to explain that we now had to return to the party so that I could meet back up with Jane... And that's when my heart broke. Rob explained that, not only was the party on a "completely different fucking road", but also that everybody there had been forced to leave. And that he'd been driving around trying to find me because some dude said I stole his joint and took off running when the cops arrived. And lastly, that there had been a girl looking everywhere for me as the party emptied out. But she had eventually given up and left. I was devastated. I tried getting Rob to drive back just to be certain Jane was gone, but he assured me that he had watched her leave. He said she had asked him and a bunch of other people if any of them knew where I was; but nobody did. So, she got into a car and left with her friends. He then made a comment about her being super, super hot. And I just felt like crying. The rest of the ride home from that party was brutal. I kept going over everything that had happened in my head. My old childhood crush had suddenly walked back into my life; only to then walk right back out of it even faster. And worst of all, I apparently still really liked her. And I think she really liked me too. But now none of that mattered. Because I was afraid of monsters. And she was gone forever. Or so I thought.