text: “I don’t need help,” Clarke always thought. He sat at his desk in his claustrophobic office staring at his duel monitors blankly, almost as if nothing was on the screen. His mind was a mess, always had been and likely always would be. His chest was tight and his eyes tired. He couldn’t focus. Clarke took his reading glasses of, letting them fall carelessly onto his desk. Peering out of his window into the world he became stricken with sadness. He wished he could see it all. He wished he could find what his mind and his heart were so clearly missing. He felt out of place in his world and society, he made it through college by going through the motions. Days that droned on like millennia were now a single cluster of mundane memories. Clarke thought. All he did was think. He thought too much. He looked to the future and its uncertainty or the past and its cringe and pain more than he looked at what was presently in front of him. Sometimes he could go weeks caught in the motions of life, like relaxing in a peaceful ocean. But the ocean swelled and the waves would crash him back to shore on a desolate island; he was alone. He felt out of breath, confused as to where he was. He desperately craved comfort. He desperately craved to not feel so bad about everything. He desperately craved to stop worrying about things that were already lost in the universe; like a speck of dust floating lightyears away. “Maybe I should go home sick,” he thought to himself, “I just need some more rest.” It was true, he did need rest. The restlessness, however, was caused by him crashing to shore all night. Waves bombarded him awake. The waves from the prior night felt unfamiliar, he thought he had mastered the sea. “I don’t need help,” he had thought with a smile, “I’m much better now.” But the waves were back, and here was Clarke, at his desk feeling like he never wanted to watch the news ever again. He imagined humanity couldn’t make it much longer. Did the waves tell him that? The waves gave him a wanderlust. Amongst the trees and the mountains is where Clarke found peace. He feared that in his lifetime those places of peace would be long gone. He feared for his mother Earth. He feared for himself. Without a word, Clarke left his workplace. Swift motions that felt so right he thought them criminal guided him to his car and to the bank where he withdrew all of his money. All-in-all it was $30,000. “Goodbye emergency fund,” he said aloud. He drove to the gas station and filled up his gas tank. The overcast day gave the world around him a silver hue, but he knew that soon he would see sunshine. He felt inexplicable amounts of euphoria as he drove away. He mapped out a plan in his head as he drove, listening to his favorite introspective music. “Lover is a Day” played on his speakers as he imagined a road trip through the U.S., followed by a flight to Europe where he would backpack and commute before another flight to Asia. The world, oh how he had to see it! He had to see it before it was gone! He felt even more peace as he packed his clothes and passport before once again hitting the road. Leaving his phone behind was icing on the cake. The waves could catch him no longer, he was on the move. His focus was unmatched as he looked toward his destiny. It was as though he had been in a dark tunnel but the bright opening was in reach! He drove all day. As the Earth’s humble rotation turned Clarke away from the Sun, he drove into a motel. He lied down in his motel bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. His peaceful smile disappearing as he heard the roar of the open ocean. The waves were back The waves slammed him to shore harder than ever. His eyes burst open with a start allowing beaming fluorescent light in. His monitor had timed out. He stared blankly at it once more. Tears welling within him. “I need help,” he thought.