text: It was 7 a.m., the alarm on my phone went off, like it does every morning, at this time. That was when I usually took my jog around the block. It was my daily ritual, but it has been avoided over a month now. I hit the dismiss button on my alarm and turned to my left side, staring at the wall. I was extremely exhausted, from tossing and turning all night. "I can't keep doing this," I said to myself. "I must try to get motivated." So, I gruntly made my way up, from my bed, my feet hit the floor and I stretched. The silence through my home, filled the air. My first thought, was coffee. "This should help me get motivated." I had plenty of time to myself, before I had to go to work. I was a custodian, at the highschool in my town and I didn't have to be there, until 2:30 p.m., when school was let out. I took my coffee, dug out my journal and bible, to spend some quality time, with Jesus. It was also another thing I tried to keep up on, as much as possible, but today I found it was very hard to concentrate. I apologized, to Jesus and dragged myself back to bed. I layed there. My mind wouldn't stop racing. I had images of him, replaying in my mind. His smile, his smell, what he was wearing, his blue eyes, dark hair, and the mole on his shoulder, still so fresh in my memory. I couldn't get him out of my head and tears began, to run down my cheeks. I wanted to scream, "I just can't keep doing this." I grabbed the remote, to turn on the television, to help distract me. I usually turned on something silly to help me laugh, when I was extremely down in the dumps. Even, that couldn't help, to get him off my mind. The coffee didn't help me, because before I knew it, I fell back to sleep. When I woke up, I was even more groggy, then before. I looked at the time wondering if I had over slept, but it was only noon. I couldn't wait to get to work, to keep myself distracted. I hopped in the shower. When I was finished I got ready for work, grabbed some food, and I decided to head to work early. I usually was an early bird. I would rather, be there early, then arrive late. When I got there, I knocked on the door waiting L, for an employee, to let me in. I was only a sub- custodian, so I didn't have a key fob, to enter the building. They usually expected me, so I didn't usually wait long outside. Kathy heard me, from the custodial room. "You look rough, Cindy. Couldn't sleep again?," she asked. She walked to her chair, to sit down. I sat in the chair at the end of the table. "No, I kept tossing and turning again. I woke up with sweats, from night terrors." Kathy sighed a deep sigh, "I know you been through hell and back, but you should seek professional help... you can't keep living like this." I knew she was right, but I had a hard time opening up. "Your right, Kathy." That's all I knew what to say. I asked how her day was and dropped all the issues, I had built up in the back of my mind. When the bell ringed, that was my cue to head to my closet and get started on cleaning the rooms. I normally liked my job, because I was left alone and able to do my job in peace. Recently, I don't want to be alone much anymore, because my minds been wondering a lot. I was in the science room cleaning off the desk. The kids were learning about crime investigations. They had a dummy doll layed out on the floor, with caution tape squared off around it. There was a set up of a crime scene, to where the kids had to figure out, what had happen to this dummy doll. The scene made my head twirl, a flash back of his body laying lifeless on the ground. I lost my breathe, when I heard a noise, from behind me. "Did I scare you?" My coworker Mike said, as he giggled a little. I pulled myself together, "Yes, you did." I smiled back at him. He and a couple of other co-workers, liked to pull pranks on me, from time to time. They think it's fun, usually I get a kick out of it, but I haven't enjoyed it over a month now. I didn't let them know that, because they didn't know my story. I only opened up to Kathy. "How are you? Do you need my help?," he asked. "No, I am okay. Thank you though." I said. "No problem, just holler if you need anything. I leave at 5:30." He responded. "Alright." I said. He walked into the hall and scurried off, to his next location. After I collected my thoughts, I quickly cleaned out that room, as fast as possible to move on to the next. The rest of the day seemed to drag. I tried my hardest to keep my mind a way from my thoughts, but something always seemed to get my mind right back to it. For instance, the next room I was cleaning, this teacher had a battery operated fish on a plaque, that when you pushed the button it would sing "Don't worry, be happy." Which made me think of him. He had one hanging on his wall, that I remember I would push and dance, to occasionally. It would make him and I smile, when we were feeling down. Chills ran down my spine as memories flooded my mind, I just stood there. I had to break out of this trance. "I will never get my work done," I said to myself. I forced myself to press on. I moved onto the next room and I heard Kathy's voice trailing through the hallway. "Cindy, its lunch time. Are you taking lunch today?" "Yeah." I headed out towards Kathy. "I'm suprised your taking lunch today, you haven't taken it all week." "I really needed a break today." "I understand that, all to well." She said. As we were walking to the room, she was talking about how her area was more messier then usual. When we got there she took out her lunch and threw it in the microwave. "How's your night going?" She asked. "I dont know...it's just, everything I see reminds me of him." She looks at me with sympathy. "Your situation is tough, I wish there was something more I could do for you." "It's okay, just letting me vent helps. I know I must seek professional help though." "Yeah, that might do you even better." The microwaveable timer went off and she took her food out and stirred it up. She sat down at her seat. "Your situation is tough, because you have known this guy for a while online. When you met him two months ago, things were pretty great and they turned sour quickly. The way that he died, didn't help your situation any better...it would be very difficult, to get over." I felt the tears bottling up to my tear ducts, it was hard to hold them back." I know, it's just every thing went down hill so quickly, Kathy... I am sick of the nightmares. I'm sick of being mentally and emotionally exhausted." Kathy nodded her head at me, with sympathy in her eyes. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and said, " and I know, I won't overcome this, without professional help. I know I need to stop procrastinating it, but I am scared." After Kathy was done chewing up the food in her mouth she said, "and it's okay to be scared." "Thank you for the reinsurance, Kathy." We moved onto a different subject. She talked about how she was boxing up some things, to have a yard sale. That helped keep my mind occupied, for the time being. Before I knew it, lunch was over. It always went by quick. A half an hour isn't very long. "Well, back at it." she said. "Atleast we are at our half way mark." "True story." I said. We went our separate ways and continued our work. It was dragging and tough, but I made it through, yet another night. On my way home, I turned up the music in my car, to drown out my thoughts. Ironically, "Don't worry, be happy" blasted into my ears. My heart felt like it stopped, his wide smile and big eyes, were glaring at me. I turned the station immediately. I could not wait to be out of this car and to be home. When I finally reached home, I locked my car door behind me. I usually hit the button twice, until I heard the beep, just to make sure it's locked. From a distance, I saw someone. I couldn't believe my eyes. I must have been in another one of my dreams, because the someone was him. I thought he was dead, but here he is, right in front of me on the street, smiling at me. I just couldn't believe this was real, because I thought he was dead! He picked up his hand and waved at me. I panicked and quickly headed towards the door, of my apartment complex. He began to run after me, "Hey, wait up! I have a present for you," he said. I fiddled around with my keys too quickly, I dropped them on the ground. Before I knew it, he was there blocking me. "I thought I'd never see you again," he said. I was backed in a corner fearing for my life. I was once again, face to face with my stalker. "You were dead...I seen you lying on the floor. I seen you being taken away in the body bag." "No, that was my twin brother Steve." "What!?," I said. I was pretty speechless, at this point. "You see, I do think outside of the box. I wouldn't be able, to have seen you again." He brushed his hand against my face. Tears rolled down my cheeks. "I missed our last night we had together. It was very romantic." He said, with a smile on his face. It looked demented. "It wasn't romantic for me," I said. "It was dirty and gross." "It didn't seem that way to me, as far as I am aware, you enjoyed it." "I was begging, for who I thought was you to stop!," I said nervously. "You killed my brother Steve for this?," he said." I thought you would be thrilled to see me." I couldn't say anything I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I had no idea if he had any weapons. I had no idea, what was going to happen next. "If I didn't use my twin brother, as a decoy... I wouldn't be here with you, tonight. " "No! You would be locked up in prison!," I said bitterly and angrily. "You never even told me you had a twin!" "I knew he would come in handy, one day.," he said laughing. "With you killing Steve, you assumed I was dead, so you wouldn't come looking for me." "You know what you did was wrong. You're sick in the head!," I said. "Hush and follow me.," he grabs my arm. I began to fight back. "Let me go!" Once again, I was reliving my nightmare. When I thought it was all over, it got thrown back into my face. I was scared, worried, this might be the end of my life. I was standing face to face with a man, that was once my friend and the friendship turned dark quickly. Once his true colors, began to show. He became obsessive, angry and demanding. When I pushed away, he pushed more towards me. Stalking me all hours, from day to night. Even after I put a restraining order on him, it didn't stop him. He continuously harassed me. I'm in tears, trying to pull away from him. He continuously drags me up the street, only God knows where. This is the end, for me I thought. Until, I heard someone call out. "Hey!," a man screamed at us. "Let her go!" But Luis squeezed my hand tighter and dragged me faster. "Help, please!," I begged and screamed. The unknown man reached us pretty quickly, I was broken free, from Luis's hand. My whole body was trembling, as I dialed 911. The man was built and seemed very fit and active. He held down Luis, until the cops arrived. Luis watched me the whole time he was put in hand cuffs and while sitting, in the back of the police car. He watched me, until he couldn't see me no more. "I went even more into a break down, that everyone was on my case to go see a counselor. This is why I am here, today to tell you my story." "Begin, whenever your ready.," my counselor said. I took a deep sigh in, "One night, Luis got me alone with, who I thought was him, but it turned out to be his twin brother, instead. Apparently, his twin brother, was in on it. Luis told Steve, he was going to get some action from a chick that night, but he was wrong. I killed him while I was trying to defend myself. Turns out, who I thought was the right man, was the wrong man. So, I was face to face with Luis, once more. Something that, I didn't expect would happen. I thought, I had killed the right guy. I relived my nightmare all over again, because Luis fed me so many lies. My trust is blown out the window. You think you know a person, to find out you didn't, even really know them at all." The counselor writes some notes on her notepad. "How are you sleeping?" I looked out the window, "Not good since Steve's death, but it got worse, after realizing Luis is alive." "But, he is locked up in Jail, Cindy." I took a deep sigh, "Yeah, of course he's in jail...for now, but he is still out there, living and breathing. I know, when his time runs out, he'll be back on the streets...searching, lurking and waiting for me to come around.