text: Sneppath Head. The spluttered words cut through me like a saw. Something horrible had happened right as Alessia would have arrived. My legs were carrying me to the Deer Drum boat even if my brain was elsewhere, going through scenarios: Alessia was mortally injured, bleeding out on her boat, alone, cold; Alessia was alive but desperately needed medical care, but unable to get it; Alessia was okay, but her boat was destroyed and she was marooned on Sneppath Head, without shelter or food. I wondered what she was going through right now. If she was frightened, scared, lonely. Or I thought - as a spasm caught my chest - she wasn’t around to feel anything. As I reached the last hill before the Deer Drum boat, I saw Xander and Kurbani appearing at the summit in front of me. As soon I eyed them, my legs shot into a secondary order, running up the hill at full pelt. “Xander, Kurbani, we need to go now. Get the boat and go to Sneppath Head, Alessia’s in trouble,” The words appeared with such speed the plan even caught me by surprise. Xander’s eyes widened and he jogged the few steps towards me. “What’s wrong?” I explained what I knew and what the man on the beach had said. As I finished, Xander took the information in, but didn’t move. I waited for him to turn back towards the boat. Nothing happened. “We need to go.” I began trying to walk past them. “Ferdinand, you need to stop,” Kurbani said. I paused and took a pace back to stare at her. “Alessia might need us.” “But she probably doesn’t.” “What?” My voice was loud and shrill. Kurbani took a step towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. She stared up into my eyes, the lines on her forehead furrowed, focusing the stare. “Think. The odds of her being hurt are slim. She probably wasn’t there when it happened. Even if she was, she still is almost certainly fine. She is most likely on her way back now. If you sail off, what’s likely to happen is you miss her on the crossing.” “She could be dying. She might need us.” “Give it a few days. If she’s there, and needs us, seven days won’t be any different than ten. Give her a chance to come to you first.” I looked past Kurbani to Xander. He slumped his shoulders. “I’m worried too, but she’s right. We rush off and she comes back to find everyone gone, it’s gonna be worse. She’s only due back today.” “She could be dying.” “Three days. We wait three days,” Xander said slowly. I took a pace back from them both, my jaw extended out, the teeth grinding. “I can’t just sit by and-“ “You can, and you will,” Kurbani interrupted. Xander placed a hand on my back, using it to slowly turn me around and start nudging me back down the hill. “We were just heading into town, we’ll come back with you. Keep you company.” My feet resisted for half a second. My body leaned forward until eventually my limbs complied and I stuttered back along the path. For the first hundred metres or so I refused to talk. I just took pigeon steps, shuffling as slowly as I could in protest. Only when we reached the next climb and I could see the town ahead did I ordain to speak. “Why were you heading to town anyway?” “Looking for Lachlann. No one’s seen him for two days.” Xander huffed. “What?” I craned my neck round. “He’s often wandered off on different islands. But, two days with no contact, we were getting worried.” I could sense Kurbani trying to keep her tone positive lest the concern spread. I looked back across the island, over to where I knew the slum to be. “Do you have any idea where he may be?” They both shook their heads. “I saw him once, a town in the middle of the island.” I was hesitant to return to that unstructured mess of buildings. Even though I hadn’t signed Maia’s contract or had any part in it, I still knew. I knew she had sold her whole life away. I tried to imagine if I saw her there, how I would react, or what I would say. There seemed no good solution. Still, it also seemed like the most likely place Lachlann would be. I led them across the island, weaving our way through the fields until once more the ground turned to the lifeless brown dirt at the settlement. It had always looked unpleasant; run down, poor. But now it seemed to gain a new visage. I noticed how almost every building had only one small window with vertical metal bars where glass should be. I noticed how square each home was, and how it would only take a few seconds to walk their length. The people here were trapped, not by locks and guards but by circumstance - something so much less escapable. We trudged for half an hour, winding through the busy winding streets. But it was a fruitless hunt. We were about to give up when I saw Maia. My heart rushed through a few beats, my chest stinging. I didn’t want to say anything, and she was far enough away that she would never know I was here. But, still she may know where Lachlann was. I swallowed down my anxiety and walked over. “Maia, sorry to bother you, we’re looking for a friend of ours,” I said, thumbing to Xander and Kurbani on the other end of the street. “Oh.” Her eyes looked to the side, avoiding mine. I wondered if she felt the same shame. “I know he came here at least once. I thought, maybe you saw someone who looked out of place.” Maia’s mouth opened slightly. Her head bobbed. “Ah, yeah. Tall guy? Black hair?” I nodded. “Seen him walking through the town a few times. Don’t know where you’d find him though.” I stood still, unsure of what the next words should be. “Anything else I can help you with?” she asked, filing the silence. “I heard you got the job.” The words escaped involuntarily. She took a deep breath in and looked back towards her home. “Yeah. Not perfect. But it means my son will be okay.” “Are...” I cut myself off, but the words forced their way out again. “Are you sure you want this job? Truly?” She met my gaze, her eyes blinking a few times. “Contract’s signed, Ferdinand. I hope you find your friend.” She turned and left, heading back up the hill. I stood in the spot for a few seconds, the air slowly leaking from my lungs until I was completely deflated. The anger, fear, frustration - this cocktail of emotions - felt like it had no escape. I would just drown in it. My self-pity was broken by Xander behind me. “There you are.” I turned to see him walking up to Lachlann, embracing him in a hug. I headed back just in time to hear Lachlann’s explanation. “I’ve got... some friends here. I’ve been seeing them. Helping out a bit. You know. Sorry. I would’ve come back but...” He trailed off. “You can’t go leaving us like that,” Kurbani said, with a tone she usually reserved for Novak or Mirai. Lachlann looked back over his shoulder. “I know. I didn’t mean to. Just... I had to.” Kurbani bit her tongue, restraining her choice of words. “I won’t pry. But, we were worried.” Lachlann placed a hand on the back of his neck and looked to the ground. “Sorry. I owed somebody my time. Can you trust me on that?” Xander smiled. “Always, friend.” He placed a hand on Lachlann’s shoulder and brought him in for another embrace. As we began heading back away from the town, Xander offered for me to come and spend the evening on the boat. He said I could maybe do with the company to stop myself worrying about Alessia. I declined, saying I had to meet up with someone back at the apartment. It was a lie. Instead I walked back to the town, found the best spot I could to watch the sea, and stared at the horizon. That was all I did for the next two days. I still went to the apartment to sleep, eat, and change, but otherwise I just watched and waited. I’d stare at each boat as it came over the horizon, trying to make out the size, the number of sails, each time trying to decide if it was Alessia. I must have watched a good forty boats appear, lift my spirits and then break them again. Two days. Of that same process. That same desperate wait, praying for my friend--my best friend--to return. The sun was setting, and soon I wouldn’t even be able to make out the boats in the black of the night. However, just as the last slip of red clung to the sky, another boat appeared. I watched it, my eyes squinting, trying to narrow in like binoculars. Two sails. Correct length. Exact cut, down to the slight raise at the back of the frame. It was a perfect match. She had returned. I stood up, trying to guess where she would land. I watched as the boat curved towards the jetties to my far left. Leaping to my feet, I sprinted, determined to be there to greet her. I ran past the crowds milling in the evening heat, shouting aggressive apologies as I darted past them, my arms clipping theirs. I checked on the boat. It was parallel to me, slowly sailing into the bay. I looked at the two glorious sails, those steps up to the helm, and... my heart sank as I saw the thick beard of the man with the wheel in his hand. My feet slowly slowly ground to a halt, the energy ejected from them but with no morale left to brake and stop. It wasn’t Alessia. There was a moment of sadness. An instant of grief that flickered across my face. But it was replaced quickly with rage. That same concoction of all the emotions I’d been feeling since Outer Fastanet - anger, guilt, sadness, grief, hopelessness, panic - all suddenly rose to the surface of the bubbling pot. I could feel my arms tensing, my fists clenching, the knuckles turning white. My eyes stung, and my head twitched, almost unsure of what sensation to process first. I had to get off the street. I had to get away and retreat to somewhere where I could be alone. Somewhere where it was safe for the flood of emotion in my system to be let out. My eyes stared at the ground the whole way back to the apartment. I blotted out the world around me. Just watching my marching feet stamp across the ground, circling their route back to the courtyard. All of my focus was on that rhythmic distraction, all my determination bent on finding sanctuary. I climbed the stairs, reached the apartment, and slammed the door shut behind me. I leaned against the kitchen sink, resting my hands on the wooden countertop. I listened to my strained breaths, the pulsating friction in each pant. It was all I could hear. That inhalation, exhalation that refused to be silenced. All noise outside of my being ceased to exist. Why couldn’t I find any peace? I had finally put myself back out there again, overcome the fears that haunted me since Outer Fastanet, and in return this horrid Archipelago had stolen the person I loved more than anyone. I wanted the oceans to rise further and swallow the islands. I wanted the ships to disappear, fall into the abyss. I wanted there to be no more travelling, no more land, no more Archipelago. I wanted everything to end. On the counter next to me, there was a glass tumbler. I thought back to our first night here and stumbling back to the apartment with Alessia drunkenly leaning on my arm. I remembered handing her a glass of water and the sincerity with which she said she was lucky to have met me. I recalled the truthfulness with which I said it back. I wanted to say it again. And I couldn’t. I picked up the glass, and letting out a scream threw it against the wall. There was a crack as the glass splintered into a thousand pieces, tiny shards halting in the air for a fraction before falling to the ground in slow motion. Another pointless destruction. There was a knock at the door. I ignored it. But two seconds later it opened anyway. I turned to see Eda poking her head through the space. “Sorry, Ferdinand. I was just passing, and I heard something. I just thought I’d check you’re okay.” There were so many things I wanted to say to Alessia, and I couldn’t. And so, here, I switched off that bit of inhibition, and let the core inside say what it wanted. “You’re a monster,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry?!” Eda laughed hiding the shock. I turned to face her. “How do you buy a human life, wake up the next day and feel anything but horror?” Eda looked confused for a second. “Is this still about that woman’s contract?” “Yes, and it should be all you can think of. It should keep you awake at night and gnaw at your conscience, and I don’t know how it doesn’t. And the only reason I can come up with is that you are a fucking monster.” Eda raised her hands, tilting her head. “Ferdinand, calm down.” I spoke slowly, stretching my lips on every syllable. “A gross, inhuman, monster.” “I think you need to apologise,” Eda said, her voice gaining a sudden sternness. “I’ve met some pieces of shit across the Archipelago, but I don’t think I’ve ever met one who pretended that they were doing good in the world while they traded human life. I hate you. And I hate me for not doing more to stop people like you.” Eda stared back at me before straightening her shoulders. “Ferdinand, I think it’s time we ended this tenancy agreement, I don’t want you living-“ “Good,” I interrupted. “I’d rather live on the streets than give another smidgen of coin to you. Get out. I’ll pack now.” Eda held eye contact for a couple of seconds before she backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. I set about packing up our things. It took only a few minutes to grab mine. But then I had to deal with Alessia’s. As I placed her clothes into a bag I could feel the grief hit once more, my vision misting as I placed the things away one by one. As soon as I was done, I placed both bags over my shoulders, left the apartment, and closed the door firmly behind me. I left the town and walked across the island until I saw the Deer Drum boat. They took me in as I knew they would. They set me up in a spare room vacated by one of the islanders who left. As I laid down I was certain that the stress, thoughts and memories would keep me awake. But as the fervour washed out of my system, I fell asleep. I slept soundly through the night. The next thing I remember was being awoken by Mirai, grabbing me on the arm. “Ferdinand. Get up quick.” I opened my eyes to her wide, youthful smile. “Come meet us on the deck. Now.” She shook my arm with excitement before turning and departing, the door left open behind her. I forced my body to stand and walked as quickly as my aching legs would let me. I reached the deck and looked out to the sea. No more than fifty metres away was Alessia’s boat, her stern face set in concentration behind the wheel, her black hair flickering in the breeze. I felt a weight drain from my body, as though a boil had been burst. All those emotions, all seemed to melt. Just one remained, filling me with a sensation lighter than air. My shoulders lifted to meet it. A grin grew across my face that soon turned to laughter. Joy. Pure, nothing-else-matters, joy. “Alessia!” I cried out, walking to the side of the boat. “You’re okay.” She looked up at me. She smiled, and stood with her arms outstretched, putting herself on display. The anger fell away, sliding between the floorboards on the deck. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye, and contained in the small drop of salty water, was all the hatred and fear I had been feeling. My body had placed all that negativity, that great mass, into this one small drop, and shed it. I felt free. We tied the boats up, dropped the ladder, and welcomed her on board. Xander held out an arm and lifted her up the last half metre. No sooner were her feet on board than I pushed through the crowd and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly. She froze for a second, her body becoming rigid, until she softened, reaching out her hands and returning the embrace. “Missed you too, Ferdinand.” “We heard what happened on Sneppath Head,” Kurbani said. “We were worried about you.” Alessia flicked a smile. “Shit winds the whole way there. Was two days late. By the time I got there it was the clear up,” she paused, her eyes flickering. “Wasn’t pretty, but I was never in danger.” Xander folded his arms. “Any idea what happened?” “That’s the thing. I asked.” Alessia took a step back so she could make sure she addressed all of us at once. “The description of the attack. Was one shipment they were after. A crate of old maps. Worthless junk to most. Certainly not worth killing over.” “Sannaz,” I said, filling in the blanks. “Exactly.” Alessia turned to me, nodding. “People said they saw the boat heading to Granite Vowhorn.” “Well we go there then?” Xander announced. I closed my eyes. I knew Granite Vowhorn. An ongoing war had lasted centuries between two factions on the island. A fight that had gone on so long that it had become a stalemate. Two enemies facing each other down with miles of no man’s land between them. I knew we had to head there. And as much as there was a dread at the thought in the pit of my stomach, I felt ready to face it, with my best friend by my side. Once more, back into the warzone.