text: "Good morning everyone, welcome to today's safari! We'll be taking a short trip into the jungle today for a little joke-spotting! Finding jokes in this environment is a bit difficult because they always camouflage themselves, so make sure you’re alert!" "So will they be hiding, then?" "Yes! The first thing you should know is that they're always hidden in plain sight. You know, that's why it takes a minute to get the joke sometimes- oh, about that! If you do spot a joke, please do not make too much noise! Many of them are shy and have a habit of getting away from you very quickly. All right? Everyone ready?" "Yes sir, we're ready!! Let's go!" "Good luck, everyone! Let's find some JOKES!!" "Yayyyy!!!" *The jeep containing the tourists and the joke safari warden rumbles off into the dust.* *A little time passes; the jeep slows at the threshold of the forest.* "Everyone!! Everyone!!" "Yes? Did you see anything, Mr. Warden?" "Yes! Look over there, next to that old tree stump!" "Next to wha- OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!" *The crowd stares at the oddity for a few seconds; cameras click until the warden shushes them.* "Now, keep it down, keep it down, you don't want to scare it away." "We're sorry, sir. What is it?" "Well, this, ladies and gentlemen, is your fairly common one-liner. These things are everywhere. It's no surprise that we found one so quickly!" "What's special about this one, Mr.Warden?" "Well, not much, really. Not much a setup, just a short play on a well-known idiom here. All put into one or two sentences. No depth at all, but it's good for the odd chuckle once in a while. That's why they're so common. Most of these fellas require no active thought, but they do the job!" *Expectant silence from the tourists. The one-liner looks at them and shouts out a sentence.* *"Why are cabbages generous? Because they have big hearts!"* "There we go! Did you all hear that?" *The crowd appreciates it.* "Wow! Hahaha! That was funny!" "Well, that's about it for this one, then. Let us be off! Lots more to see!" "Where to next, Mr.Warden?" "You see that dung over there? That was left by a pun! Let's follow the trail!" "Yayyy!!!" *The jeep continues on its lonely way.* *The warden hears a soft grunting noise near a little pool; he stops the jeep immediately.* "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please! Listen up!" "Yes, Mr.Warden? Did you find the pun?" "I can hear it grazing near that water body to our right." "Oh, goodie!!" "Now, we'll have to take a look at it from here, because I see another joke grazing at the exact same place! We seem to have got lucky here. I propose we look at this pun with our binoculars; we'll be able to see it and hear what it says from here. After that, we will quietly circle around the water body to see our next joke, because it's a bit rare and very shy. All right?" "Sure, Mr. Warden. We'll do exactly what you tell us to do." "All right. Quietly now." *The pun casts a sideways look at the tourists and speaks in a subdued grunt:* *"Can't find your skull in the forest? No need to panic. Don't lose your head."* *The pun suddenly spreads its wings and flies above the jeep and away, squawking loudly.* "So, that was a pun, everyone." "Um... Mr.Warden...Well..." "What's the matter, everyone? You all look confused." "Um... Well, that joke flew over our heads..." "Yes it did. Oh, well. No matter. Let's move on. Some puns are like that. It takes time to sink in once in a while, you know?" "All right, Mr.Warden." “That's the spirit! Let's move on. Please stay quiet.” *The Jeep quietly rolls over to the other side of the lake. The warden lowers his voice to a whisper.* "Here we are on the other side, everyone. Now for this next sighting, please be careful. This next joke reacts quickly and aggressively to contact, so try not to alert it to our presence. It's known as the 'insult' or 'offensive' joke. Now if you will just look to your left-" *Someone coughs loudly.* "Oh no! It knows we're here! Everyone please be careful. Let's be quiet-" *The same person coughs again; he's holding a joint in his hand.* "You idiot! Put that out right now! Insult jokes are very sensitive to smell!! Here it comes. Be careful." *An ugly offensive joke comes into view. It looks scrawny and angry. There is a hideous scowl on its face. It stares at the stoned man and screams.* *"People like you are why koalas get made fun of. At least they don’t stink up every place they exist in or make stupid jokes that even a hyena wouldn’t laugh at."* *It growls once more and turns to a slightly rotund woman who looks rather scared.* *"Look at this walking piece of lard over here. Do you know that your daily caloric intake can stop world hunger? I don’t think a mathematical symbol exists that can represent your size. You know, out here, hippopotamuses get so much abuse they don’t deserve, not when there's a tub of goo like you waddling around. Go solve humanity’s energy problems. You have the gas for it, I’m sure."* *Much to the tourists' displeasure, the offensive joke starts to urinate openly in front of the jeep.* "Oh god! The smell! What on earth-" "Everyone keep calm!" "Mr. Warden! Mr. Warden! Let's go somewhere else. This stench is unbearable!" "No. We have to wait for it to finish, or else it will chase behind us." "But Mr.Warden! Why is it doing that?" "It's taking the piss. These jokes often do that. Well, I can’t say we didn’t deserved it." "We're sorry, Mr. Warden." "Well, it's all right. It was bound to happen. When people don’t follow simple rules on this jeep, one can't expect a joke not to take the piss. It always will. Anyway, we ought to be moving. And sir, throw that joint away, please. You've spoilt this sighting." *The stoned man laughs only to instantly get a shot of offensive urine in his face.* *Everyone guffaws as he throws his doobie away.* *The warden signals to the driver and the jeep takes off for the next sighting of the day.* *Three hours and many jokes later, the jeep stops in front of a cave. Everyone is a bit tired, groaning and moaning about how late it is.* "All right, everyone. We're here. This is the last joke for the day." "Mr. Warden, what's this one?" "You’ll see. Shhh. Here it comes. Is everyone ready? Please be on your guard. This joke is-” *The warden stops speaking as his face goes hideously pale. He is stricken by a sudden fear.* "Mr.Warden?" "We've bitten off more than we can chew here. This is not usually at this cave. Let's all stay together and get through this. This is not safe at all. Please pray." "But- but-" "Quiet! Pray." *They pray.* "All right, everyone. Be on your guard. We may not make it out of this one alive." *The group huddles together. Suddenly there is a sound and a joke walks out of the cave.* *One lady faints.* *This joke is grotesque and fearsome. It pants and drools as it circles the jeep, thirsty for blood.* "The anti-joke. Please take care, everyone. Here it comes." *The anti-joke roars, a frightful sound that causes the group to collectively shiver. It speaks.* *"Once upon a time, there lived a poor man. All he wanted to do was to buy a toy car for his little son, but he could not afford it. Each day he cried and cried, hoping for some luck. But alas, fate eluded him. One dark night, he decided to kill himself by walking into traffic. But, as fate would have it, he sprained his leg, so he couldn't walk. So he couldn't kill himself that night. He decided to sleep and try again the next day. While he was asleep, he had a dream that a genie came to him and told him to say the word ‘Pringle’ three times in the morning, and he would be rich. When he woke up, he said it three times, and Lo and Behold! He was surrounded by riches beyond imagination. He was ecstatic as he could finally buy that toy car for his son.* *One hour later, he got run over by a bus."* *Everyone in the jeep is rendered unconscious. They remain knocked out until a jeep carrying the next batch of tourists finds them and rushes them back to safety.* *Five people die and four are paralyzed, including the warden.* *The stoned man survives without complications, as he was high when the group ran into the anti-joke.* *The lucky ones who survived have never gone near humour again.