text: As the moon shone through the blinds, I rolled over in bed and gazed at my wife, Lauri. Her breathing was quiet as she lay there. Her hand was tucked by her head, underneath her tangled hair. Strangely, her hair seemed to glisten in the soft streams of moonlight, almost like a halo encircling her face. I could stare at her for forever; the mole underneath her left eye, her little button nose. Everything about that face was the definition of perfection. Yet, something else in the corner of my eye, held my attention. Pulling the sheet down, I reached out to touch Lauri's swollen belly. Gently, I cupped my hand over her belly button, feeling the rise and fall as she breathed. Through her silk night shirt, it was almost like I was already holding our baby. The long months of daydreaming, the weeks of emotions, and the snack-filled days were almost coming to an end. We would finally get to meet her. There was no way to describe the amount of love I already felt for this child, which seems ridiculous, yet I was ready to give my whole heart to her. I would protect her always, through every season for many years to come. Just as I plan to as a family, her mother and I. Rolling back over to my side of the bed, the world seemed to spin a bit slower. The clock ticked by even slower, as I lay there in my muddled thoughts. As I thought about Lauri and the baby, life as I knew it just seemed slower. Slower... and slower... So much slower, that my breathing, had become shallow. I lay there as I felt my own chest rise and fall, images flashed before my eyes of the life we will have, of the memories we will make. Until finally, in my rapture, I let myself give into sleep. \- - - As I opened my eyes, sunshine blinded me as I sat up, shaking the sleep from my mind. I reached over for Lauri, but her side of the bed was empty. Thursday was shopping day and she always tended to be the early bird. I wondered if she would bring me back the lemonade I asked for, along with whatever treat she'd been craving last night. I believe it was an eclair? Not entirely sure... So I did my morning routine. Brushing my teeth, a clean shave. I looked in the closet, and for whatever reason, the yellow t-shirt seemed to be the obvious choice. Normally, I don't like yellow, but I made an exception today. I made my way down the stairs, looking around for Lauri in case she actually hadn't left yet. I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal. As I stood there, eating my cereal, I couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a dirty bowl in the sink. Nor a plate. Usually that's not like her, especially nowadays, to leave the house without eating something. Maybe she was going to visit a drive-thru? Yeah, that's probably it. Can't judge the random cravings. After rinsing my bowl, I headed into the foyer and grabbed my keys from the bowl. As I reached for them, Lauri's keys were right on top. Maybe she went for a walk? She has been very keen to stay fit lately. I smiled as I heard her voice in my head, "I read that if you walk every day during the third term, the labor is much easier!" with her wide, brown eyes and her dimple as she smiled at me. So, I just brushed her keys to the side of the bowl and grabbed my own. As I opened the door, the sunlight seemed exceptionally bright, blinding me for a good second as I walked out onto the porch. When my eyes finally focused, there I was face to face with a girl. She wasn't too young, maybe what, sixteen? Maybe even seventeen? As I tried to make sense of this, there she stood in a bright yellow sundress, her brown hair resting on her shoulders. Her pensive eyes seemed to stare right through me. "Michael?" A little surprised, I nodded. "Um, hi." I wasn't too sure who she was, but something seemed off. "And you are?" She reached out her hand, "Faith." I stared at her hand, that feeling just was too strong. Something was definitely off about this girl. Splaying out her fingers, she motioned for me to take her hand. "Come on, I need to take you somewhere." Her voice was very soft, but I was disturbed by this. "Why? Where?" I asked. I could feel my heart beat rising, the blood rushing near my ears as I continued to feel more and more unease. After a moment of a pause, she looked at me with a hint of what I thought could be desperation. "Please, it's- it's for Lauri." That's when my heart dropped. My knees buckled, and the world seemed to spin. What could she mean? What about my Lauri? Was she okay? Where was she? Why did she go? What happened? And a million other thoughts at one moment. Until the damning thought... Our baby... So I reached out, and took her hand. Before I really understood what was happening, she and I were already walking. \- - - Outside of LoneValley Hospital, I could feel the tears stream down my face as my world began to crumble. "Why are we here? Is Lauri here?" I asked. "Yes," Faith answered, looking at me through the corner of her eye. "She's on the seventh floor. Room B14." We made our way into the hospital. Faith lead me to an elevator and we both got in. The ride felt like an eternity, as the tears only became heavier and more frequent. My shoulders felt like they were being crushed by some unseen thing, as the weight of the world only seemed to become more unbearable. I don't remember much of the rest. I remember glimpses of doctors, nurses, and assistants running about. Vaguely, I remember a sign above the hallway we were walking down, the Intensive Care Unit. Harsh white walls, streaked laminate flooring. An overwhelming smell of alcohol and other cleaners, but not much else other than a blur. Finally, B14 was in front of me. Faith stood behind me, as I hurried and opened the door. The sigh that escaped my mouth was so sudden, as tears pooled in my eyes. Lauri was sitting in a waiting chair, back towards the door. I was so relieved to see her alive, to see her breathing. No other feeling on this earth will ever come close to that. I walked over to her, so happy to touch her again after what felt like an eternity of long hallways and fluorescent lights. I reached out and held her shoulders, so incredibly happy... Until I saw who was in the bed. I saw myself. Next to me was a large machine, full of buttons, lights, and a small screen with numbers I didn't understand. A blue hose snaked from the machine into my throat and a little wire was clipped to my ear. Everything I saw before me was overwhelming, as I didn't know what to believe anymore. Lauri made no reaction to me behind her, holding her. It was almost as if I wasn't even there. That was when I saw something else... As I looked down over her shoulder, there was a little yellow bundle in her arms. No tummy in sight, just a small blanket wrapped around something small that my wife was cradling. I couldn't see into the bundle, but I knew exactly what it was, which is what made it hurt even worse. I just broke down and cried. Sobbing on the cold floor, kneeling, I pounded my fist on the laminate. "Why did this happen?" I screamed at Faith. Putting her hand on my shoulder, she knelt down beside me. "I don't know," she responded, stroking the hair near my ear. "All I know, is that life is never predictable. Things like this happen to the best of people, and here it is, happening to you." I sobbed, "Is this it? Is this the end?" After a moment, she shook her head. "No. This is entirely your choice." Helping me up, she continued, "If you choose to, you can wake now and be with Lauri and your daughter. But life will never be the same, especially for you. You will have a long road of rehabilitation, as your lungs aren't what they used to be. It will take months, maybe even years to regain a sense of normalcy after this." "Or," she sniffed. "You can pass on. Finish your journey here and now, because you'll eventually meet Lauri again when it's her time. There is no guarantee what she will do between now and then, though." It wasn't much of a choice, because I had already made my mind. "How do I go back?" She sighed, "Spend the rest of today with Lauri, waiting for night. When it's time to rest, you'll become one again with your body. If you decide otherwise, you can leave this hospital, and you won't ever come back. You will move on." Faith hugged me then, kissing my cheek. I could feel the wet on my face, as her tears touched my skin. "Whatever you choose, I hope to see you soon." Before I could stop her, she was already gone. So there I sat, watching my wife, waiting for the sun to set. She coddled our baby, who slept soundly in her mother's arms. I could tell my wife hadn't slept in quite some time, as she had been waiting for me for a while. As the sunlight streamed through the blinds, illuminating the golden hair that draped her soft face, I could see the hope in her eyes that I might at any moment, wake up. That's when I realized, that even hope can be considered something more. A belief that something can happen. A synonym for something else. Something that others might even call faith.