text: Terra Camillo opened the door to the apartment Kyle Redding and her were living in. While walking through, she continued the argument she was having with Kyle by saying, “You embarrassed me Kyle. You got drunk and acted obnoxious in front of my friends.” She wore an ocean blue women’s winter jacket, denim jeans and leather riding boots. On her ears hung small, gold earrings. She dropped her Michael Kors purse on top of the entryway table, walked to the coat closet and waited for Kyle to step inside. It was 10:35 pm, on a Saturday evening. Kyle walked in and closed the door behind him. He wore a black snow cap, a dark-brown bomber jacket, jeans and sneakers. “Why do we need to travel through Europe? So we can watch other people do the same things we do but in a different language?” he asked. He walked up behind their cream-colored, leather couch and sat down on the left-hand end. Terra opened the coat closet, took out a hanger and began taking off her coat. “Don’t try to change the subject. You sounded like a moron tonight.” She hung the coat on the hanger and returned it to the closet. She was wearing a soft, white turtleneck sweater. “You didn’t even try to stay interested in what others were talking about,” said Terra. Kyle sat and stared at the wall in front of him. Terra continued with, “I watched how your eyes would glaze over when anyone was talking to you and you we’re getting drunk so you didn’t have to listen.” She walked to the armrest opposite of Kyle and stood over it. Kyle turned to her and said, “I listened to every word they said.” “You didn’t keep up with any of the conversation. Like when people had to explain the difference between Ireland and Northern Ireland,” retorted Terra, “It was painful to watch.” “How was I supposed to know that Budapest was in Hungary?” asked Kyle. “Of course you didn’t know that Budapest was in Hungary! Two years ago I wanted us to travel there during Autumn and you refused. So instead we went camping, again.” Terra walked from the couch to their sofa chair and sat down. Their oak coffee table was placed between them as she sat on the diagonal away from where Kyle was sitting. “Are you able to tell me what you did on a Friday night two months ago?” asked Terra. Kyle’s eyes moved across the room but when they returned to Terra he didn’t say anything. “Of course you can’t remember. Why should you? You’re content with just living out the same Friday, month after month: going to Cord Cutters and drinking and hanging out with Jake and Jon. I don’t even know why you came to the party tonight.” “I came because you asked me to,” said Kyle. “Don’t you listen to anything I say?” asked Terra. Kyle looked at Terra and said, “Of course I do. I listen to everything you say.” Terra stared at Kyle. “Maybe not everything but I listen to a lot of what you say,” said Kyle. “I just don’t understand what you’re waiting for,” Terra said and looked away from Kyle. “I never understand what you’re talking about when you get like this,” replied Kyle. “Maybe that’s my fault,” said Terra. Neither said anything until Terra said, “I asked you to come because I wanted to expose you to people that would share experiences that would be new to you. To understand what other people outside of Seattle are doing. You always want to talk about sports or wood working but when people try to change the subject to traveling or social injustice you would tune out and just start talking about the weekend when you got lost in the woods.” Kyle threw his hands up and said, “I’m sorry if I don’t find politics interesting yet! Who doesn’t like a story about surviving in the wilderness?” Kyle got up from the couch and walked over to their oak desk and said, “Do you imagine that Europe is some fantasy land with dragons and knights that speak in old English? When did everything become about status with you?” Terra got up from the chair and walked to the coat closet. She opened the closet door and while reaching in for her coat said, “I’m going to a friend’s house.” Without turning his head to look at her, Kyle said, “You’ll find any excuse to visit him.” After putting on her coat, Terra opened the front door and said, “Any place is better if you’re not there,” and slammed the door behind her. “*Rico, pause. Did you say friend’s house? I heard Fred’s house.”* *“I said: friend’s house. I needed to get out of the apartment.”* *“Wow, you could’ve made that a little clearer. I was fuming after you left because you were so open about seeing him.”* *“I’m sorry you misheard me but I didn’t see him.”* *“Okay, it’s fine. Did you mean what you said afterwards?”* *“I wanted to.”* *“I wasn’t sure if you meant it. I wasn’t sure what we were arguing about when we got back. We had gotten into so many arguments recently I just couldn’t keep up.”* *“We have been arguing a lot and I’m sorry.”* *“Me too. It’s so weird looking at yourself.”* *“Yeah, it takes some getting used to. I forgot that during that night I wore those earrings you made me.”* *“Where did you go afterwards?”* *“To Janelle’s place. Rico, skip to an hour later, prepare for upload.”* Terra sat next to Janelle in the middle of Janelle’s leather couch. In Janelle’s living room, they were joined by Janelle’s boyfriend Marcus and their mutual friend Samantha. Both sat on the couch opposite to Terra and Janelle. Janelle was rubbing Terra’s back. “I don’t understand how to get through to him. He just frustrates me so much now. We used to be so happy together,” said Terra. “Does it feel as if he is even trying to listen to you?” asked Janelle. “No, honestly it doesn’t. He pretends to listen and tunes me out whenever I have something to say that he doesn’t want to hear. He has himself convinced he’s got me fooled. I don’t know what to do.” *“Rico, pause. You knew I wasn’t listening?”* *“Yes Kyle. I’ve lived with you for over 3 years.”* *“I’m sorry. It’s how I’ve been handling those situations lately.”* *“I know. We need to discuss it later. What did you do after I left?”* *“I went to meet up with Jon and Jake at Cord Cutters.”* *“How unusual.”* *“I’m not sure we need to see where I went.”* *“Kyle, we need to give each other’s perspective.”* *“Fine. Rico, switch narrator, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at a table with Jon and Jake. The bar was busy with people talking and laughing. There were no televisions in the bar. “All she ever seems to do now is look for ways to get upset with me. I know she’s looking for me to make one mistake so she can pounce. That’s why I just tune out when she gets like that,” said Kyle. “Does she know you’re not listening?” asked Jon. “Nope. I put on a good listening face,” said Kyle proudly. Kyle continued with, “I just can’t put up with her when she gets like that. She never acted like that when we started dating. I don’t want to make things worse and it’s really the only defense mechanism I have. She’s still the one I want to be with but it seems as if I’m living with a different person.” *“Rico, pause. I’m not sure I can do this.”* *“Kyle, we have to give this a try. The user reviews on the Reconciliation program were impressive and Angela said it saved her relationship with Malcolm. Also, you know we can’t afford couple’s therapy.”* *“It’s just that it’s such a violation of privacy.”* *“I agree, showing someone else your memories is personal but you’ll be showing them only to me. All we are doing is giving each other our own side of the story.”* *“I keep remembering the evening we walked through the snow after the snowstorm.”* *“At Discovery Park?”* *“Yeah. How long ago was that.“* *“About three months after we met. It was the same winter we met.”* *“Rico, reset to three months after we met, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle walked through the snow at Discovery Park. The snow came half-way up past their shins. Terra walked ahead of Kyle. Terra said, “C’mon! You gotta keep up!” Kyle said, “What’s the rush?” Without looking back, Terra shouted, “It’s cold out here! You have to keep moving to stay warm.” Kyle said, “Hold on. Terra, slow down.” Terra stopped, turned to Kyle and said, “What?” Kyle said, “If you’re getting cold, I’ll keep you warm.” He opened up his bomber jacket and Terra stepped inside to hug him. Terra looked up at Kyle and they kissed. They kept each other warm until they returned home. *“There was something special about sharing the silence with you. It felt right.”* *“That day was special, but everyday wasn’t perfect. Rico, skip to a year and a half after we met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat in the middle of the couch reading a book on ancient Greek history. Terra came into the room smiling. She held up her phone to Kyle and said “This is the website Angela was telling me about. These places look amazing.” Kyle placed the book to his right. He accepted the phone from Terra and started browsing the screen. Terra sat down to his left and looked over his shoulder to see what he was seeing. It was a post on a popular travel blog about the author’s recent travels through Europe. In the post the author catalogued her experiences and impressions about Brussels, Istanbul and Budapest. Kyle began to wear a look of surprise and confusion as he continued to read. Finally, he put down the phone. Kyle turned to Terra and said, “When did you want to do this?” Terra looked at Kyle surprised and said, “I’m not sure, maybe this Fall?” “But we already agreed to go camping at Deception Pass State Park this October,” responded Kyle. Terra sighed and said, “I know but I really want to travel to these places.” “Let’s set a date for next year. This year I can show you how to start a fire and how beautiful the night sky becomes. After that we can decide where we want to go next.” Terra nodded in approval and said, “Alright, it's a deal.” *“I remember you talking about that trip but it seemed like something we should do later in our relationship. You enjoyed the camping trip though. Rico, fast forward to October of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle laid on top of their sleeping bags at Deception Pass State Park. The embers from fire that Kyle showed Terra how to make burned low. They stared up at the stars against the clear night sky. Kyle held up his phone displaying a celestial map in his left hand while Terra traced the sky. “Does that look like Perseus?” she asked. “It does,” Kyle said, “And I’m pretty sure this is Camelopardalis.” With his right hand he traced the constellation. “I’ve never seen the sky so clear,” said Terra. “Without the light from the city, we’re able to see what it actually looks like,” replied Kyle. They continued their search for constellations until they were satisfied and Kyle put down his phone. “How long have you been coming here?” asked Terra. “Since my Dad took me here when I was a kid,” responded Kyle. “The air is so fresh out here,” remarked Terra. “That’s why he brought me out here. That and he liked to fish. Fresh air and fresh fish as he calls it,” replied Kyle. Terra asked, “If you had the chance, would you live out here?” Kyle paused before saying, “Camping is a way for me to get away from the city for a few days. It’s slower and I’m able to appreciate what’s in front of me but I couldn’t live out here. I would get bored not being able to see anyone else and tired from using leaves as toilet paper.” “I’m sure living off of wild berries and rabbits would get old quick,” said Terra. “If I lived out in the woods, would you join me?” asked Kyle. “Yes,” said Terra, “so I could drag your ass back to Seattle.” *“Rico, pause. Sure. That was a great vacation. But we did that the last two summers. Do you remember the train ride we took?”* *“Yeah, of course. How could I forget?”* *“Do you remember what we said?”* *“Yeah, we talked about how amazing the country looked and I said this was a great idea that you recommended.”* *“We also talked about our dreams. Do you remember what I said during that conversation?”* *“You wanted to start a family.”* *“Yes and this: Rico, skip to June of the following year, prepare for upload.”* Terra sat in a window seat of a train with Kyle to her left. The train was passing by wheat fields to the right and left of the tracks. She watched as the afternoon sunlight reflected off the tall, golden crops. She watched the fields they passed by change from wheat to corn. Kyle squeezed her left hand and she looked over to him. “See, I told you we would eventually take the train ride,” he said. “I’m glad you finally made the effort to try something different. I’m always amazed watching so much pass by so quickly,” said Terra. “I still don’t get why you wanted to do this but watching so much pass by makes me consider what is important,” he said. Terra looked at him encouragingly and said, “Keep going.” “I dunno know where I’m going with this but it just seems like the right time to say how important these years together have been.” Terra gave a warm smile of amusement and said, “There’s still hope for you yet.” The train left the fields and entered a forest. “Yeah, so as I said, what’s important to me. As far as I can remember, we never talked about what your dreams are.” Terra turned back to the window and watched tall pines pass by before turning back to say, “My dreams are changing. They’re different from a year ago and I can feel them change.” “So can you talk about one at least?” asked Kyle. “I want to start a family. I want to be a mom and give my kids the best life they can have. What about you?” Kyle took a moment to answer and then said, “Eh... it’s okay. It’s not that big of a deal.” “No. Kyle, if it’s important to you I want to hear it,” said Terra. “There’s this dresser drawer I’ve wanted to make. It came to me after work about a year ago. I sketched it out and it would be, without a doubt, the best work I’ve done yet. I just haven’t been able to get started.” The train entered a tunnel and the dim light in the cabin provided the only source of illumination. Terra waited to speak and they both looked out the window. The train sped through the tunnel until it emerged into an open grassland. Terra looked at Kyle and said, “I want us to fulfill all our dreams together.” “So do I,” replied Kyle. *“Rico, pause. We have been fulfilling our dreams together. We can make this work and stay together. We just have to figure out what went wrong. You agree, right? Terra? Terra, what’s wrong?”* *“I need to review a memory. Rico, fast forward to winter of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle held hands as they skated around the ice ring. They were accompanied by others that skated around too. Terra wore a light blue snow cap and kept a scarf around her neck. She wore a winter jacket and jeans. Kyle wore a black snow cap, his brown bomber jacket and jeans. They skated past a young mother teaching her child how to skate. Terra watched the two interact until she had to return her attention to the people skating in front of her. They continued to skate around for a few more laps until Terra said, “I’m going to skate ahead for a while.” Kyle looked surprised but said, “That’s fine, I guess.” Terra let go of Kyle’s hand and skated forward. Terra noticed another couple in front of her. Terra noticed the designer winter jacket the woman wore and how bright her smile was. She took notice of how her soft hair shined under the ring’s stadium lights. She watched her smile at her boyfriend and he smiled lovingly back. *“It was hard for me to tell in the moment but now seeing myself as an observer, I know it for a fact. Rico, fast forward to the summer of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle sat at a table in Cord Cutters. They were accompanied by Janelle and Marcus. Terra sat across from Kyle and next to Janelle. They ordered drinks and Kyle began to tell a story from work. “So my buddy is working on a dining room table made from Brazilian Rosewood for a client. He stops and leaves for lunch,” said Kyle. While Kyle told his story, Terra looked off in the distance and turned her attention to the outside window. She saw a group of people standing, talking and laughing. Terra returned her attention to Kyle as Kyle said, “So when he takes off the cover and reveals the table, the client asks him why “For Julie” is inscribed in the middle.” Everyone at the table laughed except Terra, who gave a faint smile and started to let her eyes wander around the room again. Kyle began to tell another joke and Terra returned her gaze to the outside window. She looked across the street to see a group of people entering an upscale restaurant. One member of the party held the door open so the others could enter. *“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice you were so unhappy. If you could’ve told me what the problem was I would’ve listened.”* *“Kyle, something I learned very quickly about you is that you have a hard time seeing what is in front of you. Just watch.”* Kyle finished his joke and everyone at the table began to laugh. Terra stared directly at Kyle. She was laughing harder than Janelle and Marcus. Kyle noticed that Terra was staring at him. Terra said, “Wow, it’s not like I haven’t heard that one before. You make that same mistake again and again. Most people learn not to make the same mistake twice.” *“Rico, pause. You’re wrong Terra. I have noticed how you’ve changed. I just don’t know what to do.”* *“Yes, you do Kyle. Just tell me why you’re so opposed to change?”* *“Because I remember nights like these. Rico, rewind to the winter of our first year together. Prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle sat on their couch watching the movie *Blade Runner*. Kyle was seated at the left-end of the couch, with his right arm placed on the armrest. Terra rested her head on Kyle’s shoulder. As they watched, snow began to fall. Terra noticed and turned her attention from the television to the outside window. She watched the snowfall intensify and after a short while looked up at Kyle and said, “You want to watch the snow?” Kyle looked from her to the window and nodded. After the lights were turned off inside, the room was only illuminated by the soft-yellow light provided by the streetlamps outside. The two watched as the snowflakes fell and their shadows danced on the floor. Kyle sat at the left-end of the couch and Terra laid across it. Her feet rested on the cushions and her head rested in Kyle’s lap. Kyle took Terra’s right hand in his and gently squeezed it. *“We don’t need to travel the world and follow the latest lifestyle advice. We’re able to find happiness just being together.“* *“When I laid there, it occurred to me that I never trusted someone as much as you but we can do more than that.”* *“Watch this and tell me if we are doing more. Rico, fast forward to three months ago, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle were arguing in the kitchen. “Why are you so concerned with what Fred does? He is one the smartest colleagues I’ve worked with and he has taught me so much. You could learn from him.” “I don’t want to learn from him,” responded Kyle, “He looks like he belongs in a Burberry catalog and he doesn’t shut up about social causes because he knows everyone in the conversation will agree with him.” “Your wrong Kyle, as always. Fred cares deeply about the causes he advocates. I bet you couldn’t even name one in detail.” Kyle gave a long pause before saying, “I’m not playing this game. I know what I see and he’s a SJW looking for the next popular cause to join.” “I wish you were a fraction as aware of the world as he is.” “Why? What good would that do? So I can self-righteously post something on social media? Believe that I made a difference from the comfort of my office desk?” “You’re wrong Kyle, as always. Words inspire action and knowing what you’re talking about and what you’re fighting for encourages others to do the same.” “I’m not saying fighting for a just cause is wrong. I’m saying that doing it to make yourself look better or build a cult following is disingenuous.” “Fine, but that isn’t what he does.” Kyle threw his hands up in the air and said, “I give up. I’m getting ready to go to bed.” Later that night Terra and Kyle slept in the same bed, with their backs turned against each other. *“By then we hadn’t had sex in weeks.”* *“It’s strange Terra. When you get really upset like that, I remember the night we agreed to move in together. Rico, rewind to six months after we met, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle held hands as they walked through a neighborhood. They passed single-family detached homes. Some had front porches while others had front gardens with Double Early Tulips, Hosta Roots and Hydrangeas growing. They had stone facades and lights along the walkway that led up to the front door. “So... my lease will be up this month,” said Kyle. “Really? That’s funny, because mine will be up in two months,” replied Terra. “Are you going to renew?” asked Kyle. “Not sure yet,” said Terra. “Well, if you decide not to renew, maybe we could look for a place together?” “I dunno, that’s a pretty big commitment. You might as well be signing away the next year of your life to another person,” replied Terra. “Yeah, but you get all of this for a whole year,” said Kyle while gesturing to himself. “It’s a tempting offer,” said Terra. “Is that a yes?” asked Kyle. “Hmm... I guess it is,” replied Terra. Kyle gave Terra a big smile before stopping to kiss her. They released and continued to hold hands while walking around the neighborhood. Engaged in conversation, Kyle looked straight ahead while Terra looked at every house they passed by. *“Rico, pause. Just please tell me why you’re so afraid of expanding your horizons.”* *“I’m not afraid.”* *“Then I don’t understand what it is. How can you be content with the same routine and lifestyle.”* *“Rico, rewind to the first month after we met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at the bar in Cord Cutters. He waited at the bar until his drink was served. *“It was your lifestyle too.”* A few minutes later, Terra greeted him by wrapping her arm around his neck and kissing him. *“You were fine living this way before.”* *“You can be more. We can do more together and live a better life.”* *“Such as?”* *“Starting our own company.”* *“Not this again. Terra, you know all the headaches that come with starting a business. Why do you want this so badly?”* *“For our children! So they can live a better life than we did! I’m tired of the same life and I don’t want them to relive it. I want them to aspire as well. And I want you to be their father so they know how great of a person you are. But you know this already Kyle, why are you refusing to accept it?”* *“We’re just not ready to take on that kind of challenge. I’m not ready to assume a leadership position and I’m not sure I’m ready to be managed by you. You should accept that we will be lower-middle class. I’m fine with where I am. Rico, rewind to when we first met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at the bar in Cord Cutters with Jake and Jon. Kyle drank a lager while Jon and Jake drank an ale. Jon turned to Kyle and said, “Samantha is bringing some friends with her tonight. They’ll be here soon.” “Who is she bringing?” asked Kyle. “Janelle and Terra. You met Janelle before and Terra is new. I haven’t met her yet but Samantha tells me she is relaxed and open-minded.” “Good to know,” replied Kyle with an approving nod. Kyle, Jon and Jake talked until Samantha arrived with Janelle and Terra. The men got up from their stools and introduced themselves. After saying hello to Samantha and Janelle, Kyle introduced himself to Terra by extending a hand and saying, “Hi, I’m Kyle.” A smile grew on Terra and she reached out to shake Kyle’s hand. “I’m Terra,” she said. The group moved the conversation to a table. Terra took off her winter coat before sitting down. Underneath, she wore a plain, navy blue cotton sweater. Kyle sat in the seat across from her. “What are you into?” asked Kyle. Terra gave a short laugh and said, “Snowfalls. I know, it sounds childish.” As the night progressed, Terra and Kyle separated from the group’s conversation and formed their own. *“You were quite the charmer that night.”* *“You looked so happy.”* *“I was, I had found someone that I was comfortable opening up to.”* *“We got along so easily. Every joke I told, you found funny.”* *“Uh, I laughed at every joke you told so I wouldn’t offend you. Although, some were pretty good.”* When everyone was getting up to leave, Kyle asked, “Can I give you my number?” “Sure,” said Terra. Kyle told Terra his number while she entered it in her phone. “How about lunch tomorrow?” asked Kyle. “Maybe,” responded Terra with a playful, wait-and-see attitude. The group walked to the front door and left the bar. *“It’s hard to believe we used to get along that well together. Now you don’t find anything I say funny. The same smile I used to give, you now meet with disgust.”* *“When I find any trip or adventure I want us to go on, you’ll find an excuse to stay. You will always find an excuse not to venture beyond your comfort zone.”* *“I will just want us to appreciate what we have in front of us and you will get frustrated.”* *“I will just want you to learn something new and you will refuse. I know you're capable of more but you’re just not ready to see that.”* *“We could start a family and give our kids a good life, the same kind we had.”* *“But it won’t be the one that I want for them.”* *“I’m not ready to let go. To lose you. I’m not ready to give up on you.”* *“I’m not ready either.”* *“We can save our relationship. Right?”* *“Kyle, we’re not going to be able to go any further. We’ve become different people.”* *“I wanted us to work this out. To figure out the problem and how to overcome it.”* *“I’m sorry but we’ve become different people than when we first met and are no longer compatible.”* *“This is the end, isn’t it.”* *“It is.”* *“What will you do without me? Will you finally travel to Prague?”* *“No. That was a trip I wanted us to go on together. I will travel through Europe though. What about you? What will you do?”* *“I’m not sure. I guess I’ll start by finishing that kitchen cabinet I started working on last month.”* *“Goodbye Kyle, I will always miss you.”* *“Goodbye Terra.”* *“Rico, close channel.