text: An international spy with a reputation for debauchery, a martini always on his breath, and a closet full of tuxedos, Rex Flint possessed all of the suave and slick characteristics that made him the envy of everyone. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him. He was famous for his quick wit, charming personality, and ability to stay one step ahead of his adversaries at all times. However, even Rex had some vulnerabilities, and his sworn enemy, Vladimir the Vicious, was well aware of how to exploit such vulnerabilities. Vladimir had gathered an army of Rex's ex-girlfriends, all of whom had a reason to want him dead and had the inside knowledge to get it done. First, there was Karen, the girlfriend who used to send food back to restaurants and, when dating, drove Rex crazy with her lousy attitude toward service workers. Karen held a black belt in karate, but Rex was just as skilled, and they fought to a draw after an epic battle. The conflict continued at various locations, including a hotel, a grocery store, and a restaurant. Karen was able to tap into her true inner strength at each site by employing her mastery of the art of complaining. When she kicked Rex in the face at the restaurant, she said, "This steak is undercooked; if I wanted it this raw, I'd go to a farm and milk a cow." "This hotel room is too cold; I don't remember ordering the refrigerator suite!" Karen said as she hoisted Rex over her shoulder at the hotel. "The sign posted says 20% off, but the register rang it in as 15% off; I want to see a manager!" Karen said as she punched Rex into an end cap at the supermarket. It all came down to a showdown at the deli when Karen had him cornered, and he came dangerously close to surrendering. Rex, however, saw something out of the corner of his eye that would defeat Karen for good; her true kryptonite: dry chicken. "I believe you ordered this thinly sliced," Rex said to her as he pummeled her with slice after slice of dry chicken. "No, No, no! It's so dry, and there's no one to complain to!" Karen said as she spontaneously combusted. Next, there was Rebecca, the girlfriend who was a bad driver but refused to admit it. When dating, she scratched Rex's Aston Martin and then denied it was her fault for the next 48 hours, claiming that the curb had "come out of nowhere." One night, Rebecca broke into Rex's compound to steal his beloved Aston Martin, the car she claimed he loved more than her. She had driven it for three minutes before she made an accidental collision with a fence, which resulted in it catching fire. After causing him significant pain, Rex was utterly beside himself. This attack led to the two of them engaging in combat. Rebecca was a weapons expert and again had Rex in a stalemate. "Admit it, you're a horrible driver," Rex said. "Never," Rebecca replied, "you're just obsessed with cars to make up for inadequacies in other areas of your life," as she grazed him in the arm with a gun that was hidden in her dress. The conflict continued to escalate, with both sides taking turns firing their weapons at one another. At long last, Rex had a solution that would put an end to this matter once and for all. He tricked her into a high-speed chase on the 405 freeway. On the eight-lane highway, they were weaving in and out of traffic while traveling at fast speeds. To Rex's surprise, she was handling herself reasonably well, and he started to think he was wrong. When Rex was on the verge of losing, he made a last-ditch effort to save the situation by calling Rebecca on her cell phone. Rebecca couldn't resist picking up the call, and after she did, she drove her car directly off a cliff. Finally, Vladimir sent Marta, the one that got away. Marta was the only one who knew the truth about Rex's true self, which was that his middle name was Philomena. She was also aware that Rex was picked on by the other spies because of his passion for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the fact that he spent his free time creating Tick-Tok dance videos. Marta was quite knowledgeable in the field of psychological warfare. After only ten minutes of conversation, she was able to reduce Rex to childlike crying and seeing a shrink five days a week. Rex had been defeated. With the help of his therapist, Doctor Weintraub, Rex could confront Marta and admit that he still had feelings for her. To his surprise, Marta realized that she also had feelings for him. Rex apologized for his past mistakes, and Vladimir the Vicious was defeated by, of all things, the power of love. Foiled again, Vladimir retreated to fight another day, vowing that next time, he would go nuclear... send Rex's mother.