text: This story includes references to physical affection, but not sexual contact. PERFECT PERSON September 8, 2003 Pam, Didn’t I tell you I’d find my dream man? And here he is! Ralph Casella, a bona fide New Yorker, the Robert de Niro of 9 th avenue and 42 nd street! I’m not kidding. He’s a dead ringer. Waitresses stare and ask if he’s Robert de Niro - frequently. Think Godfather II, New York accent and all. I mean, he looks like his picture (drool) on the website AND he’s cuddly. I can’t seem to stop sitting on his lap, fully clothed, mind you. This guy was made for LUHV. It’s only the second date, though, and he is a recent widower, so, we cuddle on the couch and talk and talk. Well, mostly he talks because, you know, MEN. But his New York accent SLAYS ME. He lied about his age in his bio, but if you squint he COULD easily pass for 55. Great hair. No jowls. He says I wouldn’t have responded to a 63-year-old, but I’m not so sure about that. His picture and love of philosophy attracted me. Those don’t lie. I’ll keep you posted. Karen 9-16-03 Karen, Wait! He LIED? And you, the strict teller of all TRUTHS forever and evermore are still talking to him? NO! Just NO! No matter how great his hair is. Don’t make me state the obvious. If he lies about his age . . . AARGH! Pam September 21, 2003 Pam, I accepted his apology for lying. His apartment tells me what I need to know about him. He finagled a deal and lives in luxury for a pittance. You know how I feel about obnoxious rich guys, so you don’t have to worry about that with him. No money. HAHA He’s one of the old-fashioned ‘faithful to the death’ men. He’s got that Italian macho thing, oozing with sex appeal and a certain sensitivity. Pisces Sun says it all. Definitely not shy in the bedroom. OH MY! Don’t harp on the lying about his age. He confessed right away. Not that he had to tell me. I could see he was older. You know me. I always sniff out the lies. TRA LA LA (cuddle cuddle) Karen 9-28-03 Karen, Oh boy, you’re over the edge already. Or at least poised on the ledge. Don’t jump, please. Nobody gets a deal on rent in NYC. (I assume he doesn’t own) Where is this phenomenon exactly? Harlem? And what exactly does ‘finagled a deal’ mean? I smell sour grapes. Oh, that’s not right is it? Never mind, you know what I mean. Something stinks. Keep that nose sharp. Once a liar . . . Have you met his friends? Family? Any activities in common other than . . .? Pam October 5, 2003 Pam, He has no friends. My ex-husband has no friends, either. Have any of your boyfriends been rich with friendships? No. Mine haven’t, either. It’s a guy thing. He was married for forty plus years. She was his only friend. His grown children live close but I’m not seeing them any time soon. They don’t need to meet their dad’s girlfriend yet. It’s only been four months since their mother died. The apartment has a fantastic view and is right next to the theater district, FYI. It IS a phenomenon. How did you guess? Still singing. Tell me about you. Karen 10-11-03 Karen, His wife died only FOUR MONTHS AGO? Red flags. In fact, I’m seeing blood red flags in tatters, whipped by a hurricane. No friends? In a city where he’s lived his whole life? Have you seen photos of his children? Do they even exist? What about other relatives? How long has Ralph lived in this place of wonder? Does he have hobbies? Does he take you to the theater? Has he heard you sing? Tell me you escaped lover’s lair long enough to shop for your fall wardrobe. Or Have you disappeared into a web? Fallen into a trough? Look around. Are you lost in a dark cave inhabited by a sorcerer? We need a phone conversation. Dribs and drabs don't do it! Can you tear yourself away from your Italian stallion for 15 minutes to call me? We have to schedule it, so give me your preferred day and time so I can reserve the phone. And send a current photo of you, preferably of the two of you together, please? Do a background search. Nothing much to say about this place. Surviving. One nasty d..e won’t leave me alone. I can handle her. Pam October 17, 2003 My dear histrionic sis, You’re spending too much time around criminals. Ralph is not wanted by the law in spite of his early years fending for himself on the streets of NYC. He’s the good guy in his family, a straight arrow, first to go to college. As far as I know, not being terribly sociable is not a crime. So, I met a guy Ralph says is his friend from the old neighborhood. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant a few steps from the apartment. The sleaze asked if any of my young actress students needed a sugar daddy. I nearly barfed up my chicken marsala. Ralph begged me not to judge him by this guy. “He’s not really a friend, just somebody I used to know.” I told him I know he’s not a salacious sex fiend like his friend. As Ralph says, “I’ve never had to go looking. Women always come to me.” Modest, he’s not. What’s happening in your life? Let’s focus on that. How many months do you have left to serve? Maybe your red flag dreams need another interpretation? Maybe stop looking at me and turn the mirror towards yourself? Hmm. Who is this person on your tail? All the best, Karen 10-23-03 Karen, Just got word I’ll be out on parole in six months. Whoopee!! So, when do you want to call? I have a few ideas to run past you. Your calm sis who loves you dearly, Pam P.S. Run a background check. Remember the lying sack of crap who landed me in this dump. October 29, 2003 Pam, That’s good news. Six months will fly by. If your ideas include moving in with me, I have to say no. Ralph spends every weekend at the townhouse. Sorry. Meanwhile, I met his two brothers yesterday. These two are nothing like Ralph. Ralph takes after the Italian mother. Evidently, the younger boys got their looks and manners from the uncouth lout of a dad. Ugh! So . . . we drove out to Long Island for a family party, a first for us on many counts. After we got our food and were sitting out in the yard, talking, the middle brother, Anthony, started razzing Ralph, calling him names, like a rowdy teenager. He’s always been jealous of his good-looking, educated older brother, as it turns out. And he gets belligerent when he drinks too much. He drinks too much a lot. Ralph has been his target because he won’t fight back. Something got into me! I was furious for Ralph. He was minding his own business and just looked meek as insults pelted him. I couldn’t stand it! I decided to call Anthony on his rude behavior. You’d be proud of me, Sis. I walked up to where Anthony was leaning over the railing and said he had no right to treat Ralph that way. We were on a deck high above the yard and the pool. Anthony shouted, “Go to hell, bitch!” and threw the contents of his drink at me. It totally caught me off guard. I almost fell down the stairs. My blouse was soaked and clinging to my breasts. I was mortified. If you’d been there, you’d have punched him. I wanted to, but you know me, I can’t get violent. I just don’t have it in me. I guess Ralph and I are alike in that way. Ralph didn’t see any of this. He had no idea I was standing up for him until later when he couldn’t find me because I was in the bathroom, crying and scrubbing my blouse. Some of the family gathered around me after I couldn’t hide in the bathroom any longer. They were being nice in their own way. The other brother, Angelo, said, “Aw, don’t take it personally. Anthony’s a buffoon. He does stupid things like that all the time.” What a nightmare! You know what happens to my face when I cry. It’s a freak show. I just wanted to get outta there. The cloud hung over us all the way home and days afterwards. So, that’s Ralph’s family. You’ll probably say I overreacted, but I’m telling you, it was traumatizing, first the taunting, then violence and then the way Ralph was so wishy washy about it. Not that I wanted him to fight his brother, but he acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I think he’s used to being abused. Somebody needed to throw Anthony in the pool. That’s my latest news. (sigh) What’s going on there? Read any good books lately? I still can’t stand the thought of you in prison. And scumbag Steve lounging in your apartment. Look, if you can’t get him outta there, you can hang at my place. Don’t even consider living there with him. Okay? Promise me. I talked to Ralph and he’s cool with it, too. If he’s even still in the picture by then. I have to rethink this relationship. Karen 11-6-03 Karen, Aw, Sis, that’s real nice of you. It’d just be temporary. My lawyer’s workin’ on getting Steve thrown out of the apartment. My name’s the only one on the lease, anyway, so he’s got no rights. You know, this incarceration thing is not like the TV shows make it look. I had to join one of the ‘gangs’ unless I wanted to fight off a couple of the big girls by myself, if you know what I mean. I’ll tell you more when we talk. They look at the letters, so . . . The food here is rough, I have to say. This place is showing me how much we take for granted. Just shopping for food again is gonna be a thrill. Isn’t that weird? Can’t wait to watch my favorite shows again, too. I’m gonna have to binge Law and Order when I get out. It’s not allowed here. Go figure. So, about Ralph. If you want my two cents, he sounds sweet, but that brother - there’s some bad stuff in the family. You’re a class act, Sis. You don’t have to be around bullies. Stay clear of the riff raff. Take my word. Pam November 18, 2003 Pam, Thanksgiving’s almost here and I’m putting together a feast for Ralph’s family at the apartment. Just his kids and grandkids. Not his brothers. I’m actually planning everything in advance and making a list of what to do minute by minute, practically. Pick your jaw up off the floor. First turkey day for Ralph’s family without the wife/mother/grandmother. I want to make everything perfect. Wish you could be here. What happens there on holidays? Karen 11-29-03 Karen, I heard that Thanksgiving Day here is one when no one is plotting against you. And it turned out to be sorta true. You NEVER stop watching every move the other inmates make, however, if you're smart. Dinner was the best meal they’ve served, still on a plastic tray, but hey. A huge piece of turkey, the real stuff, landed on my plate. Mashed potatoes. No cranberry sauce or pumpkin pie. That was depressing. Can we plan a call soon? Pam December 8, 2003 Pam, How about December 15th for a phone call? And what about a visit? I’ll drive down. How much time do they let you have for visitors? Can we do that on Christmas Day? We can talk about it during the call. Let me know. Ralph wants me to go to his daughter’s place for Christmas, but I know she hates me, so I want to leave town for a couple days and avoid a bad scene. The holidays are depressing enough without somebody wishing you didn’t exist. Ralph ignores her glares, but there’s no mistaking her disgust with him for finding another woman to replace her mother. He’s in denial. Don’t ever date a recent widower who has children, no matter their age. I want to see you. And I don’t want you sitting around alone on Christmas Day. Will you find out what the deal is for visitors that day? I’ll bring fudge, if allowed. It’s not the same as Mom’s, but it’s close. Gotta have fudge on Christmas. Maybe some peanut brittle, too? Remember singing around the piano with the fam? Let’s make it festive! Love ya’, Karen December 11, 2003 Pam, Beginning to worry about you, Sis. Maybe your letter is in the mail? I tried to call the prison - no luck. I want to talk to you and make plans. Please just call collect. It’s fine, really. Love, Karen 12-18-03 Karen, I’m sorry I haven’t written. I didn’t want you to worry, so I didn’t tell you the whole truth. The gangs here are not just threatening. Remember I mentioned a pest? She doesn’t like the word ‘no.’ She and her gang beat me up last week. Put me in the infirmary for 3 days. A couple of the guards are in on it, too, so there’s no place to hide. Once you’re targeted, you're pretty much a goner. Word is they want me gone before the new year. There’s nothing you can do, believe me. Prison is a different world. Please just let it go and do your life. I’m the screw up. Can’t blame anyone else. If Ralph loves you, Sis, give him a chance. Forget about the daughter. She’ll come around. In time. Don’t let the stupid brother ruin things either. My life is too messy. Nothing to look forward to, so now I’m thinking about Mom and Dad. They’re waiting for me on the Other Side. Might as well let go of this trip. Next life will be better. You’re the golden child. Go on and shine. Love, Pam December 20, 2003 Pam, Yes, you are a screw up. You’re also my baby sister, the drama queen. AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DIE! I’m coming. Don’t you dare give up. Karen December 23, 2003 Sis, HOLD ON! The cavalry is coming! Ralph and his sleazy friend went to elementary school with the NY governor!!! We have George Pataki's promise that you will be lifted up and outta there before Christmas. The warden has been notified. Whatever you have to do to stay out of the clutches of your nemesis for the next twenty-four hours, DO IT! YOU ARE SAVED. Ralph and I will be there to pick you up. I love you Karen THE END