text: "First off, our deal didn't even kick in right away. I've been waiting years to ask you what THAT was about." Said the middle aged man, sitting on a couch off to the side of a giant fireplace in what can only be described as a castle. "I'm not sure what you mean.." Replied a beast standing in front of the fire, making it look almost toyish in size with his hulking shoulders, massive neck and enormous horns reminiscent in shape to that of a mountain goat. They jutted out from both sides of his head and wrapped around to his back. His skin, a dark black with a hint of green was complimented by eyes that burned bright red with the literal fires of hell inside them. The Devil never appeared in his true form when trying to make a deal, the sight of him would cause most people to lose their minds and it's hard to negotiate with a truly insane person. No, this was a scare tactic that didn't seem to be working on this client. He barely even took notice of the horns. What did I get myself into, Lucifer thought to himself. "You know damn well what I mean. I failed out of school, YOU were supposed to help me with whatever I needed." "I did, school would have just stood in your way and I don't deal in "needs" I deal in "wants" I sent you down the path to get you what you" Lucifer sighed "wanted." "Right.. Clever play on words to cover your fuck up. What is it you're doing here anyways? I haven't seen you in 30 years and you just show up at my house? The years haven't been kind Satan" The man said with a laugh, thinking back 30 years when a very slick looking man walked up to him on a busy street and got right down to brass tacks. He didn't mince words. Admitting he was the Devil and wanting to make a deal. "I'll give you anything you can imagine, any amount of power, wealth, fame, anything. For this all I ask is for your soul in return." Without hesitation the young man said "Deal, I want power. Power like the world has never seen." Satan was a little taken aback, this usually took some work. Oh well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth he thought to himself as he pulled out a contract written in blood, a finger was pricked and the deal was done five minutes after it started. Walking away, Satan looked back, still not sure what just took place only to see the young man watching him leave. On the boys face was a smile he thought was reserved only for his demons. Evil. "Things have changed. I BUY souls, you understand. The souls have to be worth something for me to make the purchase. 30 years ago, you had something inside you that made the deal worthwhile. What you do on Earth still effects the price of the soul I've purchased even after the deal is complete. Recently, your soul has lost it's last redeeming quality. It is completely worthless to me meaning the deal we made is no longer active. I'm not in the habit of giving away power and getting nothing in return." "I guess we both got fucked on this deal then." The man said, slowly getting up and pulling a hollowed out mountain goat horn from a nearby closet. While much smaller the horn looked like Satans, the Devil knew this asshole was toying with him. Almost threatening him. "How did you get fucked?!?" Satan bellowed "Look around you! You are all powerful! Soon you will conquer this entire world! I did this for you! You could have neve...." Satan stopped short. Standing directly in front of him, no more than 5 feet away, the man began to blow into the tip of the mountain goat horn, playing a tune while staring the Devil in the eyes. "Please, have a seat Lucifer. I want to show you why I won't deal with you again." The Devil is a surprisingly calm monster. Even with the clear threat and disrespect from this tiny human he never became angry. Walking over and sitting down on the opposing couch, cracking it in two under his massive weight he began to talk. "Look, we need to make a new deal here. The old contract was never meant for someone like you." "No deal." The man said while writing something in a folder. After a few more furious scribbles he pulled the paper from its leather binder, folded it in half and stood up. Walking over towards Satan he handed him the paper. "This is what I wanted. You never delivered." "You didn't ask for this! You didn't ask for anything close to this! It's not too late, I can give you this if you give back power." "No, it's too late." "It's not too.." "It's too late." "No, it's no..." Looking over the paper the Devil cut himself off, stood and said "Yeah... You're right. It's too late for you." "FUCK YOU! Get out of my house!" "Gladly, but you should know we aren't done here. This contract will be nullified one way or another." "Good luck, now leave." He said, pointing towards his castle door. "It was a simple deal!" He called after Satan as he walked out the door still holding the paper in his massive clawed hand. "Then you should have asked for it." And in a wisp of black smoke he was gone. Having taken the form of a prison guard Satan walked down the halls. The crying and groaning was music to his ears. At the last cell on the block he stopped and called the inmate inside over. "How would you like to get out of this place?" "I... I would like that very much Sir." The inmate replied. "I understand you're a lawyer, you specialize in contracts. You are the best in world at this particular occupation. Is this correct?" "Y... Yes, that is my specialty but I don't know if I'm the best in the.." "No buts. I need you to find a flaw in a contract. It would be very helpful to me and" stopping to look around the prison hall "many others." "And you'll release me if I do this Sir." "Yes. Yes I will. I just need you to sign your own contract first and then we'll get out of here." He said, sliding the agreement through the bars. "Yes! Yes, just let me look this over first and..." "What?!? I'm offering you a way out of this place and you want to read your get out of jail free card FIRST?" "No offence Sir, but as us contract lawyers say, the Devils in the details." "...... Yeah, can't fault you for that." While Satan stood by the cell and waited for the inmate to go over the contract with a fine tooth comb he pulled out the folded piece of paper from his guard uniforms back pocket and laughed. On it was a scribbling of what a 5 year olds mom might put on the fridge if it hadn't been of the Devil of course. It was a stick figure with a head 5 times too big and what must have been the mans attempt at horns. The red eyes didn't actually stay inside the giant head and crossed over into the open paper. Written at the top was "I WANTED TO BE AN ARTIST!!!" Shaking his head the Devil wondered why anyone would ever sign this horrible excuse for art but sure enough, at the bottom right hand corner "Adolf Hitler" was written bold and proud. "It all looks good sir, I pulled out a loose tooth and signed it, I'm ready when you are." The contract was clean. Even the Devil knew better than to try and pull one over on a Jewish lawyer. Three days later the Germans lost a battle that was the turning point in the war. As his armies fell Hitler sat in a bunker drawing stick people. He tried a little soul searching but it proved harder than people made it sound.