text: “Y’know, I heard egg salads are really healthy,” Will said to the waiter, looking at an article about the health benefits of egg salads on his smartphone. “I’ll have an egg salad.” “Sure thing! And what would you like, sir?” the waiter asked, glancing at Trent. “I’ll just have the T-bone steak, medium,” Trent replied, folding his menu and laying it on the table. “Are you sure you don’t want to try today’s special?” the waiter asked. “Oh, what’s that?” Trent asked, furrowing his eyebrow. “The egg salad, of course. Everyone loves it,” the waiter answered. “N-no thanks, I’ll just have the steak,” Trent declined, shaking his head subtly. “Oh, alright, what would you like for a side? Would you like a baked potato, fries, or an egg salad?” the waiter asked, fiddling with his pen and dodging his eyes around the room. “Hey, Trent, try the egg salad. I heard it’s really good,” Will insisted to Trent. “Erm, I’ll have...just a a side of fries, please,” Trent said, eating a piece of buttered pumpernickel bread. “Alright. Your food will be ready soon,” the waiter said, walking away. Will was scrolling through social media posts on his smartphone, fixated. “So, have you heard anything from Jon?” Trent asked. Will continued scrolling through social media posts. “Will?” Trent snapped. “Wh-oh, sorry. What?” Will blurted. “Have you heard about Jon?” Trent asked again. “No, why?” Will asked, curious. “He’s usually an avid texter--always texting me one thing or another. He hasn’t been texting recently,” Trent said. “Did something, like, happen with his girlfriend? Last time he broke up, he didn’t talk to any of us for like a month,” Will indicated. “I was thinking that too. Last time he texted me, he told me he was having some troubles with Amanda,” Trent said. The waiter came, with a tray of several dishes of egg salad. “Oh, it’s here!” Will exclaimed, ready to eat more egg salad. However, the waiter continued walking by as he served the egg salad to a few people at another booth. Trent wondered why everyone was ordering egg salad. Is the egg salad THAT good? What kind of stuff is in that? Trent thought, looking at the waiter serve egg salad. The entire restaurant had a distinct smell--that of lots of eggs. Trent peered around. Everyone was eating egg salad. Everyone. Something seemed to be wrong to Trent. Surely someone would get a steak--or a nice baked potato--but all egg salads? Trent stared at the couple across from Will and him. They were both eating egg salads, and they both devoured the egg salads with their eyes wide, wide open. Something was very, very peculiar about these egg salads. No, Trent thought. I'm just over-thinking things. It's just the latest food craze. The waiter passed by, this time with a tray of steak and egg salads. It was for them. “An egg salad...and a T-bone steak with fries,” the waiter said under his breath. “We threw in a bonus egg salad for you,” the waiter said, staring at Trent. “Oh--thanks...” Trent muttered under his breath, tapping his fingers on the table. “Oh, hey, they gave you an extra egg salad. That’s cool!” Will exclaimed. “Thanks,” Trent said, waving to the waiter as he walked off taking others’ orders. Trent was cutting his steak and snatched a few fries. “Alright, I hope the hype is worth it,” Will said as he poured the special sauce on, scooped it the egg salad, and, without hesitation, ate it. “Woah, this is really, really good, Trent! You need to try it!” Will exclaimed, his mouth stuffed with food. “I guess I’ll try it,” Trent hesitated. He grabbed a spoon and scooped his egg salad with his fork. “Okay, here goes nothing,” Trent said as he ate the egg salad. “It’s not that good--I mean, it’s okay. Like, I don’t exactly understand the craze over these egg salads,” Trent said, slightly confused. “What do you mean? It’s the best food in the world!” Will said, shoving yet more egg salad into his mouth. “How have you not choked yet?” Trent joked. “If I choke and die, I will die in happiness,” Will said, cramming more food into his mouth. “Are you gonna eat that?” Will asked with egg salad falling out of his mouth. “Meh, you can have it, I guess,” Trent said, eating some bites of steak. “Thanks!” Will exclaimed, gobbling his egg salad down at an unmatched rate. “It should be illegal how good this is!” Will said as a ball of chewed-up egg salad fell out of his mouth. As Trent was chewing steak, a shadow loomed over him. It was the waiter with a tray of yet more egg salad. “All out of egg salad, I see. Try some more,” the waiter said, fiddling with his mustache. “You bet I want more!” Will exclaimed in ecstasy. Trent looked around. Now was a perfect chance to voice his growing concerns over the egg salad. “Hey, uh, waiter, do you, like, know what’s in the egg salad?” Trent asked, interrogatively. “Well, sir, you see, there’s eggs, and there’s...Well...There’s other stuff, I think. Look, I don’t know! I’m not a chef! I’m a waiter!” the waiter said nervously. “Look,“ Trent said, facepalming. Trent felt a sudden rush of anger. “What makes these egg salads taste different from other egg salads? What makes everyone so damn obsessed with these salads?” “Well, sir, it’s--it’s--it’s a secret recipe, sir,” the waiter stuttered. “We have allergen info, though, if you need it!” the waiter said, faking enthusiasm, with a slight chuckle. “No--no, I don’t need allergen information..I’m allergic to cats--that’s all,” Trent muttered. “D-Did you, um, not like the egg salad, sir?” the waiter asked. “It didn’t taste that good--I’m just confused why everyone likes it, but--“ “Oh, I’m so, so sorry, sir! I forgot the sauce! Oh, silly me! I’ll get you a free egg salad,” the waiter said. “No, thanks--I’ll just have a refill for my drink,” Trent looked at Will, and he could not believe his eyes. The bowls of egg salad the waiter brought were clean. Will was licking them. Will was devouring every crumb of the egg salad and every drop of sauce. “Oh, yuck! Will, what has gotten into you?” Trent exclaimed. “It’s egg salad! Maybe you just got a bad batch!” Will uttered. “Hey, waiter, get my friend here some egg salad--with extra dressing,” Will said, whispering to the waiter. “Oh, right away!” the waiter said, excitedly how to dashing to the kitchen once again. “What did you say to him, Will?” Trent asked, enraged. “I hope you didn’t ask for egg salad!” “Uh--well--uh--“A large man in a tuxedo suit came and slammed his hands on the table. “Is there a problem here?” the man said in a condescending tone. “N-no,” Trent muttered, nervously. “I heard a complaint about the egg salads. They said it was from a guy in a red shirt at table twenty-two,” the man said, squinting his eyes. “Now tell me, the manager of this restaurant, what’s the problem here?” the manager asked, almost in a soothing voice. The manager leaned close into Trent’s face. He looked like a stereotypical businessman--a tuxedo, black leather shoes, good posture, slick, black hair, a masculine face, and he seemingly had a recent shave. “No, I just don’t want to order it,” Trent said, leaning back to not have the manager breathe in his face. “Everyone likes my egg salad. Everyone,” the manager said pointing at Trent’s face intimidatingly. “Hey, get me some more egg salad!” Will said, demandingly. "Enough!" Trent yelled ferociously, his fists clenched, and his teeth grinding. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving. I have to go,” Trent said, determined to leave. “No need to fight. I’ll get you both two egg salads...each. On the house, too!” the manager said, smirking. “Will, you have had enough! You complain about never having a girlfriend, and here you are eating so many damn bowls of egg salad! I thought you were on a diet, Will! You need to stop this,” Trent said, pointing his finger at Will. “Please stay! Have an egg salad! It’s free!” the manager said. Trent exited the booth and frantically walked to the exit. As he was walking to the exit, he saw something. He stopped for a moment. It was Jon and his girlfriend, Amanda. They were eating egg salad too! Egg salads are certainly what stopped Jon from texting. “This is bad,” Trent said, quietly. Trent grabbed Jon by his shirt and shook him. “Wake up, Jon!” “Hey! Trent! Have an egg salad!” Jon said, with half-chewed egg salad spilling out of his mouth as he shoved egg salad in Trent’s face. Trent stood up and dashed for the door. This was going too far. The manager started chasing after Trent. “It’s free egg salad!” the manager shouted. “Just take a bite!” Trent dashed to the door, but a woman in her 80’s grabbed him. “Do you want some egg salad, sweetie?” Suddenly, all the customers flocked to Trent, their eyes rolled up, egg salad smeared across their faces and falling out of their mouths. Trent tried to stop them. He called for help. Nobody answered his cries. Trent, too, became a victim to egg salads.