text: Welcome, class, to theobiology. Today we will have an initial overview and demonstration of a few specimens in the lab. We move fast, especially since you all took cryptozoology and xenobiology as prerequisites, so keep up. You can read your syllabus at home. One main theme of this course that will be explored is how these species specifically required human feeding and care for reproductive purposes as well as belief or worship for their ichorous glands, rich in theomitochondria, to provide them with enough energy to live. As you see on the dissected cadaver, Theos zeusius has no actual kidneys, liver, or spleen. We theorize the thaumatological energies and structures in the ichorous organ provide these particular functions for him. The GI tract, heart and lungs, and genitalia (as evidenced by history, Har har) are all present. Here as well are two organs in his hands which seem to be not dissimilar from an electric eel's photovoltaic glands. Note the extensive musculature. The amygdala and medulla oblongota are enlarged, much like the egyptian crocodile, leading to a species that was likely impulsive, aggressive, and prone to multiple fights for dominance. This is somewhat similar to Theos dionysius, but instead of the photovoltaic glands, the sweat glands are modified to produce lysergic acid dimethylamide and ethanol. Doublegloving is mandatory for handling this specimen--none of you jokesters will be licking the toad here, so to speak. T Dionysius' extensive pheromone system also ties into the nervous system, with extensive development of the septal nucleus/terminal nerve, olfactory nerve and bulb, and limbic system, leading to a species that was likely hypersexual and prone to ecstatic fits. Pay attention now as we slice into the thoracic cavity of Theos poseidonicum, revealing internal gills as well as lungs! We theorize that unlike the previous two specimens being a thaumaturgically modified ape, this specimen actually shares a common ancestor with the common salamander, as evidenced by embryological studies and the presence of the mucus-producing glands on the skin. Note T Poseidonicum's extensive vasculature of the larynx and the kidney-like filtration organs present in the the pharynx, which help balance sodium levels of the mediterranean to something like the salinity of a brackish mangrove. Much like a sea turtle or frog or salamander, this species swam upstream to lay quickly-incubating eggs in streams, springs, and sometimes in specially dug out tunnels leading in from the stream if safety was not assured. The ancient Greeks attributed earthquakes to these tunnels, as well as due to the tendency of the young to emerge after an earthquake collapsed the tunnel. After molting and losing their tails, the young adults were often taken to be naiads or spring nymphs, due to their remarkably human appearance, but as carnivorous creatures they often spelled doom for those who were lured into the waters. Tomorrow we will be comparing and contrasting theese specimens to the laplandic/germanic specimens, specifically noting their coldweather adaptations and similar glandular structures such as the photovoltaic organs of Theos thorrata to T Zeusium. Everybody take your T Cupidocaea samples in the back for home study. Over the semester I'll expect you to follow along with dissections in class at each organ system and a weekly essay over a theobiological topic. Next week you'll be examining the oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin production of the salivary glands of these household pets and their use as pairbonding tools and marital gifts in ancient Roman households.