text: I am, since my earliest memory, blessed with the ability to enter the wondrous world of dreams. That fact never changed even as I grew up. People lamented about their suffering from terrible nightmares as life left its scars on them. But not I. The world of dreams was a second home to me. A safe haven. A place of learning. I spent so much time in my sweet realm of the impossible that I started to learn how to control it. Delighted about this new ability I shaped the dreamland after my desire. I built cities and let them decay. I created forests and wandered in ancient ruins. I flew above the clouds to touch the stars and swam in a lake of lava. And the more I enjoyed my dreams the more I evolved in my waking life. It was on a late night when the moon bathed my room in its light. That I fell asleep instantaneously. And there in my dreamworld a new sensation befell me. I turned to where the sun used to be in the sky of my inner world. There it was. A creature of heavenly beauty. The light it emanated was beyond any words the human language knows. Purity and power had become one in it. I marvelled at the figure high up and far away in the sky. I wanted to go closer but somehow no matter how far I walked or flew, the figure remained out of reach. Discouraged, I turned my attention towards something else. I created a vast ocean and filled by the awe for the godly figure. I gave birth to the most colourful coral reef ever seen by the human eye. Once I woke up, the inspiration did not end. The world seemed brighter, livelier. People’s smiles grew when I passed them, the divine light still residing in my memory. When I entered my realm of dreams the next night. I noticed at once how the distant figure had moved closer towards me. Now I could make out the four legs and six great wings. The long tail and crystal eyes. The dragon did not move. It stared at me with those empty and yet warm eyes. Its scales bathed in the various, indescribable colours of the cosmos showed a faint glow from beneath. With force, I tore away my gaze to tend to the creation of yet another wonder, born from the well of endless imagination. All the while, the dragon’s radiant beams made my skin prickle in a comfortable way. Giving rise to the wild force of unknown creativity. My life continued to be pleasant. Yet I noticed, the more distinct the crystal dragon became, the more difficult it became for me to not just stare at it. The creature was now close enough for me to almost touch it. The crystalline skin reflected the sun’s light, colouring the sky in the same spectre of nameless shades. On its back the six wings moved gracefully and smoothly like the ones of a seraphim. Apart from that, it never moved, it never spoke. The unconditional love of its eyes was enough however. It caused my very being to vibrate with joy. There is no term to describe what I saw or felt when being in the embodiment of divine inspiration. My mind filled with the overwhelming presence, threatened to become paralyzed. The sheer number of ideas that flooded my mind seemed too much. Like a system jammed by the uncontrolled flow of information, leading to an overload. And after a few days of struggle, I finally gave in. Too magnificent was its beauty to be ignored. Too gratifying its light to turn away. And in my mind a firm thought took shape. The ambition to never let go of it, buried its gnarly roots in the deepest parts of my soul. After bathing in the dragon’s glory all night, my mind felt strangely empty the next morning. The urge to brighten the world driven by the sun of my dreams, I was lacking it. For the first time in decades. How could that be? As I fell asleep in the evening, I concluded with shock how the distance between the creature and me had grown again. Its light had faintly lost its shine. And the eyes seemed colder, harder. But I was too taken by the loss. Too focused on keeping my source of light close. That I forgot to use it. To share it. Trying to get it back I encouraged myself to create like before. But the more I forced the more distant the dragon grew. Fragile and fierce. Beckoning me to go ever forward. To not let it die. My ambition grew, until it turned into greed. It let the realm of dreams grow colder and colder. And as if reflecting my soul, the waking world turned grey and dull. One night as I looked up into the grey sky harbouring a black sun. I could neither see nor feel the diving presence of my soul. It had withered away. As had my ability to create wonder. Slowly, my dreamworld turned into a desert as I failed to reignite the spark my ambition had snuffed out. After a lifetime of trying, I gave up. I tread the paths of my dreamland nevermore. And as a consequence, my waking world was covered in black. Not the hummingbird nor the blue sky could wake the essence of my soul from its deathly slumber. My sleep was heavy and dreamless. My life without colour. It is the reason for me writing it all down. For I have lost the will to go on. And I have lost the will to find the crystal dragon. The memory of this unnameable creation haunted my mind for years. It kept me alive as it fed my mind with the imagination I now lacked. But the memory is fading now and with it my will and hope to live.