text: Once upon a time, there was a woman named Violet that fell in love with an eggplant. The eggplant’s name was Wayne. Wayne was a shiny little Eggplant. Violet bought Wayne at the local farmer’s market. The moment she took him home and laid eyes on him she was in love. The eggplant knew how to sing opera. He sang to her every night. Wayne never grew old. Wayne and Violet were dating for two months and for a two-month-old eggplant, he looked great. One day, Violet’s mother, Patty, came to visit her for a few days. She had no idea about Wayne. Violet decided to run a few afternoon errands. In the meantime, Patty was home alone. She started to feel hungry. Patty walked into the kitchen and looked into the fridge to see what she could eat. Nothing. She looked into the cupboard and all she saw was canned chicken, beans, and rice. That was uninteresting. It was until she turned her head and saw a beautiful shiny eggplant sitting on the kitchen counter at the far end of the kitchen. Alone. She grabbed a knife from one of the drawers and approached the innocent eggplant. When Violet returned, the entire home smelled so appetizing. Violet walked into the kitchen and asked her mother, “Oh mother, what is that lovely smell?” Patty turned and smiled. She handed Violet a plump juicy sandwich. The two then sat together at the dining table. Violet took a giant bite of the sandwich. The sandwich tasted good...no...amazing. Violet hungrily ate more of the sandwich. Each bite was more aggressive than the previous one. “Goodness Dear! Calm down. You might choke,” said her mother. When Violet licked her fingers and licked off every crumb off her plate, she asked, “Oh mother! What did you put in this sandwich? It was the most delicious thing I have tasted in my life!” Her mother told her the secret ingredient: Eggplant. Violet’s eyes widened. She quickly stood up and stormed to the corner of the kitchen where she put her lover, her sun, her life, her rock: her eggplant boyfriend Wayne. He wasn’t there. When Violet realized she ate her lover, her stomach churned and she ran to the bathroom. “I told you not to eat your food so fast. You’ll get yourself sick,” said her eggplant boyfriend killing mother. Violet gagged and gagged then she wept and wept. Her sweet sweet Wayne was gone. Bits of him were in the toilet in the form of vomit. She couldn’t tell her mother how much that eggplant meant to her. Her mother wouldn’t understand. She would laugh at her. What did Violet do after that day? Well, a few days later after she dropped her mother off at the airport to bid farewell, she went straight to the farmer’s market. There, she found a new man. He was a potato named Erick. The moment she laid eyes on Erick, she already forgot about what her mother did to Wayne. Erick was a Dutch gentleman. She loved him more than she loved Wayne. He was the greatest spud in the world. He sang and wrote poems. He even knew how to play the hurdy-gurdy. They remained in love for a good six months.