text: In the wooly cotton brains of young adulthood, I strove to be a psychonaut, seeking for a long-prolonged derangement of the senses in order to achieve comprehension of the unknown. I would use a variety of LSD-25, DMT and research chemicals to ascertain the different levels of reality that are hidden within my own perception. Further expansion of the mind was achieved by engaging in deep philosophical conversations surrounding theoretical physics and other areas of study with friends. As I got more experienced with DMT I finally achieved ego death, understanding what it means to be merely a wave packet vibrating to the cosmic frequency with no actual discernable identity. Along with ego-death came a remarkable appreciation for all of existence and being able to see the beauty in every speck of reality, for everything is united and one and the same, we only perceive distinctions between objects. Being that I was very experienced with numerous mind altering chemicals, I decided to try a new research drug called 2-ci. I had already taken 2-ce and 2-cb with marvelous results. So when I heard my friend who I would perform these shamanistic rituals with got 2-ci from the blackmarket in china, I was ready to try it. Little did I know all one needed for a strong experience was 10 milligrams and he had given me 77 milligrams inside a water bottle. I promptly chugged the water bottle while driving back to my home where several friends were waiting for me. My parents were out of town and we had planned a night worthy of Dionysus. Shortly after arriving at my home, I started to feel the first effects. A sense of euphoria erupted as my synapses transmitted this unknown chemical throughout my brain. That euphoria was short lived however as soon thereafter my auditory processing was inhibited by a “wahhhwahhhwahhh” noise that proceeded to block out all other sounds. Before I had a chance to grow annoyed at the incessant auditory hallucination, my vision started to disappear and was replaced with a kaleidoscope like experience. All images were drastically disordered and repeated in infinite regression. Next, came the physical pain, which to this day was the greatest pain I have ever experienced. Every nerve, every fiber of my being was being physically tortured as if on fire and being stabbed at the same time. As I began to shout out in agony, a new horror awaited me, a pain so great that I began to welcome the physical torture; that is the pain of emotional/psychological torment. I had ceased to exist in this world and had access to the web of all interactions I have and would ever make. But in these interactions, probabilities arose and it became apparent to me in this twisted, agonizing state that I will hurt others by staying alive. I watched each interaction of my life play out and those who got close to me only ended up hurt because of something I had done or would eventually do. It was around this time the ambulance had arrived. I was taken to a hospital where I was dosed with over 30 mg of kolonopin. I awoke a few hours later surrounded by my friends and feeling as though I had just been released from decades of physical and psychological torture. I was heavily tramatized. I had bad trips before, but this was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Later I would learn that the dose I took was the highest dose ever taken by a person and to this day no one has reported taking a dose anywhere close to that. As a result of taking such a high dose of 2ci, I would never be able to trip again, not due to lack of wishing to expand my mind but rather my mind was broken and would reject any further attempts to trip no matter what the chemical compound. I would spend the next many years analyzing what occurred during this experience and trying desperately to do good with my life. My greatest fear used to be zombies, but after that experience, my greatest fear became hurting another being. It is almost an unconscious drive at this point to prove to myself that I can help others/improve their lives., in defiance of my fate.