text: “These rich bastards moved this fuckin’ house all the way from England,” Jim said “Wow, wouldn’t it be cheaper just to build a new house?” I asked “Probably, but rich people are fuckin’ stupid. Don’t matter, though.” He smiled his wide, toothless smile “I get paid either way.” We sat on the ocean-front porch of an old Victorian home. It was the end of November in the town of Falmouth. Tourism had died on the Cape by this time of year. The town was only filled with what few locals lived there year round. Nothing better to do than get drunk and watch the ocean. Not that this mattered too much. We were both such losers that this is probably what we’d be doing anyway. We drank Pabst after Pabst and shared a bottle of Canadian Club whiskey. We had three cases of Pabst and a handle of whiskey. Not quite enough to kill ourselves, but enough to kill some time. Our drinking was only interrupted by our smoking and our frequent piss breaks. Eventually we stopped even walking away from the house and just started relieving ourselves on the floorboards of the porch. I was 19 years old, skinny and undernourished. I lived mostly off of alcohol and cigarettes at this point in my life. I ate mostly everyday during the school year. Working as a dishwasher at a college was a shit gig, but at least you ate for free. The hard thing is that you’d get laid off during the summer and winter breaks. No free food during those months. I’d mostly fill my stomach with cheap beer and cough syrup. Periodically one of my neighbors would be kind enough to stop over with some food and to smoke a joint with me. Jim was a 26 year old. He was missing most of his teeth from a car accident earlier in his life. He was rail thin. He always looked pasty, even during the summer time. He had scars and patches of rashes all over his face from psoriasis. He rarely showered, and seemed to show little to no interest in women. He identified himself as a white supremacist and Nazi sympathizer despite the fact that the best friend he had in the world was a black man. I guess that he’s what you’d call my friend. He worked with me at the college. He liked a lot of the same music that I did. He also, much like me, lacked any motivation or ambition to do anything greater with his life. He was fine with homelessness. He was fine with sleeping on floors and couches. He was fine with making no significant impact on any part of the world. More importantly, he was the only person that I knew who had as bad of a drinking problem as I did. We’d blend into a party crowd on a Friday or Saturday night. Plenty of people I knew would go out and drink a 30 rack a night. Most of those people wouldn’t be scraping together nickels on a Wednesday morning to score a cheap bottle of Vodka, though. People would think I was a party animal on Fridays and Saturdays. They’d think that I should slow down on Sundays. They’d think I’d have a problem on Mondays. They’d wonder what the fuck was wrong with me on Tuesdays. By Wednesday, any sensible person would decide that their time would be better spent with somebody else. The sad part was, I hardly even felt drunk anymore. Blackouts didn’t come as frequently, as it took more and more booze to get me to that point. A dishwasher’s salary didn’t buy the amount of booze I needed to get drunk enough. Anyway, we sat there threw back gulp after gulp of this cheap beer staring off into the distance. We weren’t above drinking alone, but having someone there to drink with and hurl abuses at was always welcome. That is, as long as they drank as heavy as we did. Or at the very least, would shut their fuckin’ mouths about our drinking. I was absentmindedly staring doing the beach far away from the house. It was absolutely silent out there except for the sound of the ocean crashing on the rocks and beach below us. I noticed what looked like a couple figures probably 300 yards down the beach. “Who the fuck would be on the beach this time of year” I said outloud. Jim just grunted and said “Some people got no sense” right as he gulped down the remainder of his current can of Pabst. He let out a comically loud belch. I shrugged it off and we went back to what we were doing. Drinking and smoking. Smoking and pissing. Yelling and fighting. Drinking and fighting. Drinking and pissing. A lesser man than me (or maybe a normal human being) would be lying on the floor about to succumb to alcohol poisoning. Jim and I, however, were still standing with most of our faculties still in place. In my drunken state, I had forgotten completely about the presence of the people on the beach. I turned to my left, and they were probably about 100 yards away now. Walking down the beach straight towards the house. I could barely make them out, they just appeared as white silhouettes moving in the distance. The only way I could still tell they were there was when they walked under the light coming from the few other houses on the beach. “Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?” I asked Jim. He turned to me, smiled his cold toothless grin and said “Well, I am. Fuck do I care if you are?” “Go fuck yourself,” I said as I lit up another Pall Mall “Gimme one, dickbag!” Jim demanded as he yanked the lit one out of my mouth and starting smoking it. I just shrugged it off and lit a new smoke, cracked open a new beer, and stood up to take a piss. The entire porch smelled overwhelmingly like beer, but I’m sure that smell would fade tomorrow. I’m betting the stench of the rotten piss of two young drunks will probably cling to the wood for a little bit longer, though. I zipped up and glanced down the beach again, and the figures continued moving closer. They seemed to disappear between the lights the houses were giving off. I was too drunk and it was too dark to really be sure. Before I knew it, they were probably only 50 feet away from the house. In unison, they both stopped. I thought my eyes-or the alcohol-were playing tricks on me. On the beach were two pale white women in old tattered dresses staring back at me. I could feel myself getting nervous. “Dude, are you seeing that?” I asked. Jim turned and looked. “Huh,” was all he muttered out. A hard wave crashed on the beach and washed up to the figures feet. As the water hit their feet, they disappeared into thin air. “What the fuck? Where’d they go?!” I said. My voice beginning to shake from my nerves. Jim looked over with his usual apathy. He muttered a phrase that I can’t quite spell. It sounded like he said “I don’t know” without pronouncing any of the consonants. Something like “I-uh-oh.” I flicked my cigarette and opened another beer. “Alright man, I think I’m gonna get going.” “Fuck you. Let me get a few beers before you leave, asshole.” As soon as he said that, I heard the wood on the porch creak behind me. I whipped around. My heart dropped as I saw what was behind me. The two women stood in their tattered dresses behind me. In the light, I could see their details more clearly. Their skin was bright white, almost translucent. Their had sores and cuts all over their bodies. Their hair was matted and beginning to knot together and turn to dreadlocks on the end. They stunk of rotting flesh and low tide. Their dresses were stained with dark red and moldy yellow stains. They had strands of seaweed draped over their shoulders and mixed into their hair. They looked as if they had just climbed out of the ocean. Their irises were blood red and the whites of their eyes were a light yellow color. Their lips were covered with cuts and deep scars. They looked similar, but not like twins. They looked as if they were sisters, though The women appeared to be in their early to mid 20’s I realized that I had just been staring at these women for several uncomfortable seconds. Unable to truly comprehend what I was actually seeing. I blurted out “What the fuck?!?!” as it seemed the only phrase to make sense in that moment. They took a step towards me in unison. I stumbled backwards, and they started to walk towards me in unison. I turned to look for Jim. He was already drunkenly stumbling into the woods. He really is a fucking asshole I thought to myself. I stumbled to my feet and started to run towards my car. I dug my hands into my pockets to search for my keys. I tried to pull them up, but they were stuck under everything else in my pocket. I gave a final yank and everything in my pocket flew out at once. My keys fell to the ground. I bent over to get my keys off the ground. As I stood up, I turned around and saw that they were still walking in unison after me. I could hear them speaking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I half ran/half stumbled the rest of the way to my car. I unlocked the door and yanked the door handle. I yanked with such force that I ripped the door handle clear out of it. “FUCKING FORDS!” I screamed I turned and saw that they were still walking in unison towards me. I could hear what they were saying. What they were chanting. In unison, they were chanting “Our house, our house, our house.” Over and over and over again. I panicked as they were still getting closer. I started to drop kick into my window to try to break into my car. The kicks did nothing. I grabbed some rocks from my feet and hurled them at the window. I succeeded in breaking the glass, but not in any useful way. The crack just spidered across the glass, but the pane of glass remained in place. I ran over to the passenger side of my car, and threw open the door. The chant of “Our house, our house, our house....” was growing ever louder and louder. Their voices sounded dry as they chanted, like their throats were caked with dirt. It sounded like they had just woken up from a hard night of drinking, and had eaten nails and dirt for breakfast. It was unbelievable how loud they were able to chant with voices sounding like that. I leaped over my center console and struggled to get my keys in the ignition. “Our house, our house, our house...” growing louder and louder. I managed to get my keys into the ignition and start the car. I threw it into gear, and turned out of the driveway as quickly as I could. As my car turned, I could see the figures were no more than 5 feet away from my car as I whipped out of the driveway. I hadn’t been able to see them until my car turned around due to the broken passenger side window. I drove as fast as I could down the road staring in my rearview mirror the entire time. I could see them still walking towards my car. I sped down the dirt road. Rocks flew in every direction away from my car as I drove. I was too panicked to even truly consider what was actually happening. Were I able to even feel anything but fear, I don’t think that I could make sense of what was happening. How do you explain two antique sea hags chasing you? How would you even begin to comprehend that? I continued down the dirt road. My foot had the pedal all the way to the floor. I turned a corner, and a figure was standing in the middle of the narrow road. I looked down through my windshield and saw that the figure was Jim. I hit my brakes as hard as I could, but it was no use on the cold dirt road. I was going too fast. My car slid right into him. He fell forward onto the hood of my car, and rolled over the top. I got out of the car and ran over back to him, not even thinking of the sisters that were still walking down the road towards me. My mind was on a new set of panic. I just killed the only excuse for a friend that I had. I was going back to jail, for sure. Jim was lying on his face in the dirt road. I went over to him and said “Holy shit dude! I didn’t fuckin’ see you there at all! Are you okay?!?!” Jim didn’t move. I put my hands under him and flipped him onto his back. I started shaking him by his shoulders shouting his name over and over again. I looked down and noticed that carved into his chest in big letters was the phrase “OUR HOUSE” It was only at that moment that I realized the sisters were still after me. I turned my gaze up the road and saw them still walking in unbroken unison with each other chanting “our house, our house, our house.” I ran back to my car, got in, threw it into gear and slammed my foot on the gas pedal. I couldn’t see out my passenger window or my windshield at this point, but my concern was not with safety. My concern was getting as far away from the sisters as I could. I stared into my rearview mirror and watched the twins walking down the road in the distance. To my horror, I watched in my rearview mirror as Jim pushed himself off the ground and rose to his feet. He turned towards me and started limping after my car. His movements reminded of slowly witted zombies in movies. Whatever that was, it wasn’t Jim anymore. I made it to the main road and turned the corner hard into the street. I heard the screeching of tires and the blaring of a truck horn behind me. I had no time to be concerned with that, I just drove. My foot stayed firmly planted with the gas pedal to the floor. My speedometer climbed higher and higher. My little Ford Escort was screaming under the strain of the speed. I was paying very little attention to where I was going. All that I could think of was their grainy dirty voices saying “OUR HOUSE, OUR HOUSE OUR HOUSE” without respite. Each breath was heaving out of my mouth hard. I started to gradually gain some semblance of composure. At this point I realized that I couldn’t actually see out of my own windshield. When I hit Jim, his fall onto my car must have shattered it. I had been driving for what must have been 20 minutes at top speed. Without thinking to check my mirror, I turned the wheel hard and pulled over to the side of the road and onto the grass. I threw open my car door. I leapt out towards the road and stumbled out of my car. I stood waving my arms as the truck started catching up with me. I was screaming “Help! Help me please!” I could feel tears streaming down my face. My heart raced as the truck came closer and closer and closer on the road. It drove past me without even slowing down. I can’t even imagine what he thought was happening. I just watched his tail lights fade into the distance. I fell to my knees and felt hopeless. I looked up and down the road, but it was dead. There was not another single car around. I knelt there with my hands on my head pushing back my hair in frustration and then collapsed down to a sitting position. I couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened to me. I sat there dumbfounded listening to the wind howl. I listened for noise up and down the road, but heard nothing. I saw nothing. Nothing living was around anywhere. That was somewhat of a relief. I figured if those broads were still following me, I’d at least hear them. My breathing gradually slowed, and my tears stopped flowing with such intensity. Eventually my breathing slowed to a normal pace. I looked down and noticed that I had pissed myself at some point in the night. I’m not really sure if that was a result of drinking or my encounter with the twins. Neither would surprise me, but I suspected it was from the later. What the fuck were they? Demons? Ghosts? Sluts of a bygone era? I didn’t know. I slowly pushed myself to my feet and tried to gain my composure. Whatever the fuck they were, they were gone now. I got back into my car and shut the door. I looked down and saw a half empty pack of smokes in my cup holder. I grabbed a cigarette and pulled a lighter out from the glove box. I lit my cigarette and sat back. I took a long drag and exhaled. I tried to think if I had passed any stores, houses, or really anything on my way to the house. I really couldn’t remember. That’s the danger of constantly being in and out of drunken blackouts. The details just don’t stick with you. I didn’t know if I could drive this piece of shit much further. There was no window that I could see out of. My mind suddenly wandered to Ace Ventura and Jim Carrey driving with his head sticking out the door’s window. Well shit, I thought, It’s not ideal, but I guess it’s my only option. Just then, it started pouring rain outside. Thunder and lightning started to appear unreasonably early in this storm. “Well this is just fucking perfect,” I said in disbelief. I started pounding on the steering wheel. I looked into my rear mirror and my fucking heart dropped. I saw the twins walking in the road maybe a quarter mile down the road. Jim was nowhere to be seen. I felt myself pissing again. Tears started streaming down my face. “Shit, shit, shit, shit” I said as I turned to the steering wheel. My keys were still in the ignition from earlier. I tried to start the car. I turned the key forward and heard nothing. I tried again and again “NO...NO...NOOOOOOO” I said as I turned the keys in the ignition. Nothing. I pounded on the steering wheel and looked back in the rearview mirror, the twins were still walking towards me. “Fuck fuck fuck” I said as I threw open the door once more. I stared back in disbelief at the twins walking towards me for a moment. Then I started to stumble into a run with my head still facing the twins. I turned and started running full sprint in the other direction away from them. I kept glancing every second or so over my shoulder to check their progress. Every single time I glanced over, they were still holding a steady pace on me. They were closing in amazingly quick for a couple of dead broads that were walking at their own leisure. I could now hear them. “Our house, our house, our house...” Each round of their chant, the words got to be more and more rhythmic. It was almost like a drum beat at this point. I was sprinting with every ounce of drunken energy that I could muster. I kept running until I checked over my shoulder to see that they had stopped walking towards me. Now they just stood in the road staring at me. I stopped running and just turned to face them. “What the fuck do you want?!??!” I screamed at them “Huh?! What do you want from me?” They raised their hands in unison and pointed in my direction. “What the fuck ever,” I thought and turned to keep going in the other direction. Standing in my way was Jim. Or at least, standing in my way was something that at on point had been Jim. A Jimposter of sorts. Carved in his chest was still the phrase “OUR HOUSE.” I stared into his dead lifeless eyes as I backed away from him. I seemed to have forgotten that the twins were in that direction. He just stared at me with dead eyes as I backed away. I turned my body to run in the other direction with my head turned towards his. After a few seconds of delay, the Jimposter started running towards me too. I turned my head in the direction that I was running and realized that I was running right towards the twins. I skipped to slow my speed, and turned towards the woods to my left and started running. I ran deep into the woods. Much harder to do when you're drunk. Much easier to do when you’re drunk if you’re also terrified. I ran between trees and back and forth. Every few seconds I’d be looking over my shoulder to see if I was being followed. It was a pretty pointless effort, because those woods were so pitch black that I wouldn’t have been able to see had I not also been drinking all day. I fell to the ground hard on my chest. I felt all the wind get knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I struggled to pick myself up to my feet. After a couple seconds, I gasped in a breath to relieve myself. The first thing I did was start to puke. No time for that, I had to get back to running. I ran and puked, and ran and puked all over myself. I started choking on each mouthful of vomit that came up and spilt over my lips and dripped down my chin onto my neck. I lost my footing on the leaves on the ground and fell onto a stump sideways. I tried to catch my balance by grabbing onto something as I fell. My entire body weight fell on my shoulder on the tree stump. I felt and heard a crunch as something in my arm and shoulder shattered. I screamed out in pain and grabbed at my arm. I managed to stumble to my feet, but felt disoriented. I couldn’t even remember which direction I had been running. As I was trying to gain my composure, I heard a tree branch snapped behind me. I whipped around and saw Jimposter behind me. “Ouur h-h-house” He sounded like he was gargling as he said that. “What do you want fr-” I started out to say. The moon light struck Jimposter’s face and I could see that now he had razor sharp teeth where his old teeth had been. They look inhuman, and almost cartoonish even. He had a wide smile, though I don’t think that was intentional. I think the number of teeth that he had simply necessitated that type of large mouth that only a smile can house. His teeth began to separate. It looked like he was unhinging his jaw like a snake. I stood in horror watching as he did this and I turned to try to run again. When I turned around I bumped into the twins and fell to the ground. “Our house, our house, our house.” I screamed as I looked up at them. Jimposter reached down and grabbed me by the throat. He brought my head to his mouth. I could feel him putting my head in his mouth again. I felt myself pissing again. How is that even possible? I could feel his mouth closing. Around my head. I felt his teeth touch the side of my neck. Their chanting had stopped. I looked up and their eyes had gone black. Their mouths were open, and it looked like they were inhaling something. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it looked black. It looked like they were inhaling...ash or something. I looked down and saw that the ash looking stuff was coming from my mouth. I shut my mouth immediately, and I could feel pressure pulling my lips forward.