text: I feel like I am a pretty good witch. And I don’t mean that in the moral sense or anything. I am confident there are folks who would call me pure evil and others who would say I am sent from heaven. Perspectives being what they are and such. And I don’t mean that in a superlative way either. I am not one of those conceited sorcerers who gives myself an arbitrary descriptor and I am not in the public eye enough to have earned one.... yet. I simply mean that I am a fairly capable witch. Sufficiently skillful. Absolutely adept. Practically perfect, even. Or at least, I thought I was until this most recent premonition. It makes absolutely no sense to me, which is not to say that it makes no sense at all, perspectives again. And that is where you come in. You see, a lot of folks have always thought that familiars were just a witch’s way of not being human for a bit. But unfortunately for you, and honestly also for me, that isn’t the case. I can’t just turn into an animal. I have to have an animal to turn into. Oh, don’t do that cute chirping meow at me. I know you can understand me. Which is honestly one of the reasons why I picked you in the first place. I am not taking over your body so much as merging your consciousness with my own. You won’t get to be in charge anymore but you will get to experience life as a human a bit, from the backseat of my brain, at least. And for the first few transformations, I will be relying on you to essentially teach me how to be a cat. *Because a cat’s the only cat....* Sorry, where was I? Yes, the transformation. *TransFURmation.* There is a reason most of us pick your kind. I knew of a wizard who once picked a dog as his familiar. Not a wolf or a respectable working breed, but a little toy mutt he had found. He grew to love the teeny guy and thought he shared a certain connection with him. Didn’t end well. Turns out, most mutts’ inner monologue is just incessant barking. Poor wizard went mad within days. Bats are a popular one too. But that is simply because they communicate at high frequencies even in their own head, or so the theories go. They are an essentially silent partner in the whole gig. Except those giant bats like the flying foxes - very chatty guys. However, those also make a decent choice because they have adorable Aussie accidents and generally don’t give a flying fox about anything, or so I’ve been told. But felines have always been a standard favorite. “Why,” you might ask? Well, it’s simple, albeit odd. You are Death’s favorite animal for whatever reason. I don’t know if its your attitudes, your cute faces, or what, but he just really loves you guys. So much so, that he enjoys saying hi often enough to give you nine lives. I am fairly certain you haven’t used any up and this will only cost you one. And in costing you that one life, Death will come to explain it all to you. And when he does, and this is very important, you must ask him a simple question. You see, I am completely at a loss as to what this premonition means, but the visions are coming more and more frequently and end with the complete destruction of our world. You can see how that is a big deal, given that I rather enjoy living and I enjoy living on this particular planet. There is a rumor that Yermik the Beautiful (and before you ask, yes she did give that name to herself and yes, she was hideously ugly) wrote an exhaustive list of premonitions aspects and their respective meanings. I need you to ask Death where Yermik’s Tome is currently. Since he is taking one of your lives, I won’t be there to speak to him directly, so I will be relying on you. Keep in mind that you have nine lives, less if you decide to piss off Death, and mine are not tied to yours. So, while I hate to start our relationship off on threats, it is imperative that you understand I can break this link and redo it. Each time costing you a life, each time requiring you to ask the question. I would much rather our relationship be built on trust, and the fact that I am more than willing to eat tuna for a week if you do me this small kindness.