text: WARNING: This story contains graphic imagery and depictions of mental trauma! As he began typing away on the computer, Josh turned towards me. He said, "No matter what happens next, I gotta say, you were always an interesting person to be around, and it was an honor to work with you." It wasn't the most normal thing to say to someone, but I felt flattered. For as long as we had been working together, we had an unmatched chemistry, but ever since Josh happened upon Amelia's cold, lifeless body in that alleyway, the balance had shifted. I understood exactly what it was like to see your one true love slaughtered, but he wasn't blessed, or should I say cursed, with the experiences I've suffered through. No one could understand the sea of trauma he was drowning in. I reluctantly set my fears aside and set my focus on the moment. After the calm was over, Josh nervously shouted to me, "The bomb is armed. Let's get out of here." He pressed a key on the computer and the metal doors slid open. "Run!" He shouted. His commanding voice echoed off the walls, and we engaged in a full on sprint. The adrenaline was pumping and the stakes were higher than ever. I never felt so fast. Every step was like walking on air. Light poured from the exit doors, and as I got closer and closer, my ignorance blinded me to the possibility of this entire plan going up in smoke. Just as our freedom was feeling secured, my ignorance caught up to me when Lieutenant Nev stepped in front of the exit. We instinctively stopped in our tracks with the intention of turning around, but we couldn't run back towards the active bomb. The panic settled comfortably in my head, but my decisions were rendered null when the evidence room erupted down the hall. The explosion simultaneously bursted all our ears and floored us to the ground. The gale-like force was a sensation like no other. It was as if my body was separating from itself and my mind was being chopped apart. Bags of narcotics, weapons, and other criminal contents flew across the hall like bullets. It all felt like a blur. My head hit the floor so hard that I lost sight of what I was just doing, and I didn't have the time to remember anything. Before I could collect myself Lieutenant Nev had almost immediately tackled me to the ground. Her scraped and gashed arms were pressed on my already winded chest. She shouted with vicious fury, "You bastards! You thought we wouldn't catch you invading our system?" The feeling of her imminent wrath was petrifying. She continued, "You couldn't just let us solve the case, could you? We offered you resolution and you repay us by ruining years of hard work?" Her face was wet with hot, blue blood and tense from the limitless anger. I sensed the guilt enveloping me. The regret was more plentiful than it had ever been, but it was too late now. We had to suffer the consequences of our actions. Before I could even say anything, the sound of metal scraping against stone caught the ears of Nev and I, so we turned our heads. All we could see was Josh on his knees. The room seemed to disappear around him. The look on his face told us everything we needed to know. He was mourning. We averted our gaze to the palms of his hands where a knife sat gently. It had a gilded handle, and engraved on the bottom was Rock's insignia: the eye in the cloud. The blade was jagged and thin. The edges were stained with dry, crimson blood, and Josh could sense just how close this blood was to him. He stared at it in his hands with longing, desperate eyes. The horrors of seeing Amelia at that crime scene flooded back to him in a haze of helpless fervor. He maintained contact with the knife as he whimpered, holding back every tear in his body, "It's... it's the knife Rock used to kill Amelia..." I slowly glanced at the knife again. Josh was right. An electric wave of desperation flowed through me. I wanted to help him, to console him, to be there for him in his time of grieving. My empathy yelled at me to run over to Josh and to remind him that he's not alone, but my intentions were outweighed by the strength of Lieutenant Nev's wounded arms pressing on my feeble chest. I decided to do what little I could and whispered to him, "Josh... I'm so sorry, Josh..." He heard me, but he also heard someone else. He was listening in on something that wasn't really there. From all I've witnessed, I knew exactly what it was. It was the voice that pushes the weak. It was the voice that takes control and forces you to see the vices of release. The staring grew more and more intense as the officers in the precinct, Lieutenant Nev, and I silently waited for Josh to make his next move. Then it struck out of nowhere, like a bolt of lightning. Josh's expression shifted to emptiness. Being so overwhelmed with grief was unbearable to him. The idea of being together with his love once again won over him. The crunch was like a sickening earthquake in my ears. I felt his heart stop beating from across the hall. "No!" I screamed desperately. I squirmed to break free from Nev's grasp, but it was helpless. She was so shocked that she was utterly and completely paralyzed. A moment unlike any other I've sat through passed by. "No..." I whispered pathetically, holding back the tears. I gave up. The tears flowed effortlessly as I felt my body become numb and limp. Every muscle had lost all hope and simply gave out. Nev released her grip on me after realizing I was nothing more than a motionless wreck. She stood up and started pacing back and forth in confusion. This was ordinary in her line of work, but even she felt extraordinarily sick upon seeing Josh lose to his own thoughts. She began ranting to me, "Why? Why didn't you just stay where you were told? I knew the case was important and we were willing to help, but you weren't being kept here as criminals. If you had just been patient, we could've helped you solve this case, but now you're just as much a criminal as Rock!" The guilt flushed through me, and I was forced to silently regret everything I had done once again. After another painful moment, Nev sighed, then gently reached out her hand to my still limp being. Upon seeing her hand, I snapped out of my paralysis and decided to accept the consequences. As I grabbed Nev's hand I felt the blood of her wounds. It was cold upon contact, but it was warmed by the heat of my palm. She carefully helped lift me onto my feet. A sniffle comes from her. "Just... leave..." she cried in frustration. Having expected her to arrest me, I widened my eyes in shock. "Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna take your friend back home with you, and we'll act like this never happened. Tell your commanding officer that Rock is in our jurisdiction now. You will never return here again. Got it?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I silently shook my head in affirmation. Nev gave me a quick pat on the shoulder before giving orders to the other officers. In the commotion, I walked over to Josh. Seeing the life drain slowly from his eyes sickened me. The knowledge that I would never talk to him again sent shivers down my spine. Despite having such an immense fear of death, Josh gave into the torturous pain. Once I realized that he forced himself to face that next step of existence, I was frightened for him. Josh was always afraid of infinites and finites, so I couldn't truly believe that he could succumb to something so gruesome. Out of nowhere, it dawned on me. None of this really mattered anymore. What happened happened. There were no take backs, and I've learned that the hard way. I crouched down, looking at Josh's eyes one last time before shutting his eyelids. I knew he couldn't hear me, but I just had to say one last thing to him, "Wherever you are now, I hope it's peaceful. Hopefully the pain is over for you... and Amelia. I hope you're together right now." I got up, and despite wanting to just cry over him, I began the necessary arrangements to have him taken home.