text: An old Toyota Corolla comes to a sputtering halt in a parking bay outside a slightly run-down strip mall. Jason glances over the lit up dashboard ignoring all warnings as he switches the car off, pulling the key from the ignition. "A simple oil change and plug replacement", he thinks while looking around for his wallet and phone. He opens the squeaky white driver's side door and makes his way as the early autumn of 2019 greets him with a gentle breeze. Jason's life has been in a state of disarray for a while now. Things hadn't been panning out after leaving his job to explore other avenues with whatever money he had saved. He decided to stop playing things safe, but went about it without first facing his demons. This led to an acute state of decay in his life due to a poisonous mixture of fear, anxiety, sorrow and regret, and this was further complicated by a one-two-punch of bad habits and laziness. He decided to change but felt he was lacking something. Perhaps millions in his bank account, or maybe something small like a thought, an idea, maybe a slight change in his own mindset. His search brought him to where he felt things began to go wrong in the first place. He took a brisk walk from his car to the far right of the strip. He marched purposefully towards the corner establishment. It was a cozy corner coffee shop with about six or seven tables. The parking spaces immediately outside the shop had been packed to capacity, possibly by the customers of the neighboring restaurants and diners. To Jason, the little coffee shop always seemed to pick up the look of surrounding establishments with its neatness and simplicity. Before even entering, you had the chance to admire its small granite counter with an old fashioned chalkboard menu. You may even sometimes see a single waitress darting about to attend to customers seated at rustic and tastefully stained woodgrain tables (which are probably older than you and I). A warm orange glow covers Jason's frame as he enters passing large glass doors that were bolted to the left and right. He thinks about how he unintentionally started dating his first girlfriend here while slowly gliding towards the counter. His eyes glance to the left to view a board listing out a new line of autumnal drinks. "A pumpkin spice latte with whipped cream and a blueberry muffin please", he requests softly. The teenager behind the counter accepts payment and thanks Jason as he turns toward a table after dropping his change in a tip jar. Immediately after sitting, he starts to reminisce about his first date with the beautiful Pamela Rose Parker when he is suddenly interrupted by Julia, the long time student waitress. Julia was a beautiful twenty year old brunette with a kind and wholesome outward allure about her (yet Jason still felt an intimidatingly intelligent undercurrent from her through their few interactions). Jason internally acknowledges her charm while exchanging pleasantries with her as she places his order on the table. Julia had just momentarily served as an unknowing (albeit welcome) refrain from Jason's wallowing. As soon as she leaves to fetch another order, Jason's attention shifts back to Pamela as he takes his first sip. Her beauty coupled with the spark he saw behind her eyes had thrown him. The black top she had worn two years prior at the table he currently sat at was on his mind, the one with the see through sleeves which seemed to float delicately above her evenly tanned skin. The conversation of years passed were still ringing clearly in his ears as he pondered his honesty in contrast to her empty words. Her desperate proposition for romance between them when he knew it was too soon for her. Her claim to "love" him though she knew little about him. The date that came out of what was supposed to be just coffee between friends. This was the place where it both started and ended between them. Another mouthful of the delicious beverage goes down as his mind recalls how smart she seemed at the time, her dream of political advocacy that she had revealed to him on the first date back in 2017. This revelation was soon followed by the romantic request that came just two months after her father had unfortunately passed away. Knowing it was too soon, Jason politely declined. Being the critical thinker he was, Jason realized his response may deepen her insecurities during this trying time. He followed up by saying that the reason he said no was because he felt that she was looking for commitment while he was looking for something casual. She said she had no problem with that as long as she was with him, and with that, what was just coffee between two friends has blossomed into their first date. The memory made him silently ridicule himself for seeing this as a sign of true love on her part and for being committed to her all those years ago. As vacant tables slowly start to fill up, he thinks about how the relationship deteriorated. The rich male "bestie" with the new Mercedes-Benz who continuously took her out to clubs, whom she had kissed and who she had received questionable pictures from. The distrust of her always looking through Jason's phone without returning the favor. Anxiety begins to grip Jason's chest as his eyes water. "Get over it, you're a man", he thinks. The cardboard vessel is slowly raised to his lips. The liquid enters and goes down without any real thought, an automatic process done to mask the burden of his thoughts, his mind racing to the breakup of 2018, their coffee shop, it ending where it started. He took it hard but understood. She still traveled with Jason to and from work, with him keeping to himself. In spite of this, she still flirted with him and went as far as showing the poor guy the correspondences she had with other men, possibly in a bid to make him jealous. Jason tried his best to take it in his stride while still being there for her as he truly loved her, something she knew but took for granted. Pamela, who's infatuation had either worn off or was a game from the very beginning, decided to take as much advantage of Jason as possible, the fool who had stuck by her when no one else would, not even family. Wrangling his mind back to the present day was done in vain as his thoughts again sharply shifted. With the next big gulp of his latte, he began to dwell on how quickly the thin veneer of her beauty and intellect disappeared to reveal the truth of the person he had fallen for. He thought of the lies, her chats with ex-boyfriends, how she uncharacteristically met up with her drinking buddies using scant clothing and her well hidden alcoholism and smoking. He still loved her and would have accepted her regardless (minus the male "bestie" and the chats with other guys and exes, obviously) if it hadn't been for one major problem, her lack of honesty in who she was versus who she pretended to be. With that, the memories began an assault on his mind. Other bad memories and thoughts started emerging while the ones that were already there seemed to play on repeat. They took his mind apart as he began to almost swallow what remained of his extra large beverage in one go. Everything inside him was rapidly coming to a head and every thought was about to erupt, when suddenly... silence. Jason savored the last sip of his latte as one coherent thought emerged from the recesses of his mind. What if he needed this experience? What if facing this resulted in him having the motivation to take risks and take a chance on himself for a change? The proverbial kickstart he needed to get to work on his hidden talents and bring them to the fore. The pain being the driving force required to quit his mediocre job because he now knows what he wants, a lesson taught through necessary pain. He had realized a truth that he should have figured out long ago. Suffering is sometimes required for growth. He relaxed in his chair for a moment, feeling physically lighter (although still a little uneasy as he had a lot of work ahead of him). Standing up, he pushed in his chair and left a few bills on the table as a tip for the waitress before heading for the door. As he started moving, he heard a soft but audible voice from behind the counter with, "Wait, you forgot your muffin!" Julia rushed forward with a small paper bag and swiftly packed the confection. She handed it to Jason with a genuine smile on her lightly-freckled face. "We're a lot quieter on Wednesday, you know where to find me if you need to talk", she projected warmly to Jason. Having realized that she probably noticed Jason coming in by himself as of late (plus, embarrassingly, she probably also noticed his silent struggle), he replied with an equally warm, "Sure." In the span of a cup of coffee, something in him had changed. He found what he was looking for and may have also made a new friend. He smiled as he entered his car thinking, "Today was an unexpectedly good day." He turned the key but the engine refused to start. "Not again", he said with a little chuckle. The End.