text: “Do you want to stay at my place tonight?” I asked. “Nah, man,” Matty replied. He sounded calm in his voice, but his eyes showed fear. “It’s no problem if you do, Matt, my mom will understand,” I tried to assure him, “Besides, my dad doesn’t have to work tomorrow so he can take us fishing in the morning down at Salmon Creek.” “No, really, its okay,” Matty insisted. His dad was drunk and screaming at his mother. It was like this often, usually with Matt or his mother bearing the wounds of Mr. Galway’s inebriated rage. “Do you want me to at least come in with you?,” I asked. I hated to leave the twelve-year-old at this chaotic house. I was big for my age and my old man had taught me how to fight, I figured I could at least give Matt some breathing room to run out if his own dad came after him. From the street, we could hear Mr. Galway screaming threats to give his wife a beating if she didn’t stop crying. It only made her cry harder. “I’ve dealt with him before like this,” my friend told me. His eyes were screaming help now. He was too polite to take my offer. “Don’t worry about it.” “Alright,” I told him with reluctance, “but if you still are up for fishing tomorrow morning, my pop and I can puck you up.” “You don’t have to, but thanks man,” Matty said. He loved fishing even more than I did. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning to take a few bass out of the creek.” “Maybe I can convince the old man to take us for a burger and milkshake after,” I tried to sound hopeful before the kid had to go to his personal hell of a house. He really didn’t deserve to live in a place like this. “Have a food night man,” Matt said as he approached the splintered front door of the place. “You too,” I called over my shoulder. I knew I shouldn’t have said that because Matt wouldn’t have a good night unless his dad passed out early. A sick feeling hit my stomach. I heard the blast of Mr. Galway’s twelve gauge from my own front yard two blocks away. I wake up in a cold sweat. Thirty-six years-old and still haunted by the death of my childhood best friend. That vile man had the wretchedness to take his own son’s life then plead insanity and drunkenness for a lesser charge over facing a real sentencing like a man. I was told that Matt didn’t suffer when he was killed, but that had never offered me any comfort. The poor kid had suffered his entire twelve and a half years of existence before having his opportunity to grow up and move away even started. If only I had persuaded a bit more to get him to spend the night watching horror movies in the basement all night. My parents would not have minded at all. My wife stirred in her sleep as I stood up and checked the clock. Two twenty-six o’clock. I knew sleep would not come back to me tonight- thankfully it was Saturday so I didn’t have to worry about a fatigued day at work, but my recurring dream was punishment enough. I slowly got out of bed and crept out of the bedroom to allow my wife to continue her slumber and crept downstairs. Finding a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in the basket of clean laundry on the couch, I threw the clothing on with a pair of old sneakers and walked outside. Long walks around the neighborhood were the only thing that helped a bit after memories of my childhood best friend being murdered happened. At least I knew that the old bastard that killed Matt had been beaten to death in his jail cell seven months after the murder. I turned the corner off of the street my house sat on toward the park down the way a little. I figured it would be desolate enough with adequate lighting along the walking path to clear my head. A figure stood in the distance. He was blonde with green eyes and a smile that appeared like he was proud of himself for causing mischief. Id seen the face every day of my childhood and in my darkest nightmares as a teen and adult. I thought he was dead, but he was. I approached the child nervously as he stood grinning. “Hey, Cameron,” the boy spoke happily in his usual excited tone. My mouth went numb and a new sweat beaded on my hairline. “H-hey, Matty,” I said timidly. “Long time no see, pal,” it was like the kid had never remembered what happened all those years ago. “Wha-?” I tired, took a breath then, “How?” I was lost for words, “I mean, what are you doing here?” “I won’t be long, Cameron,” the child’s face went from a bustling twelve-year-old’s to a grown man’s expression. “I’m moving on soon, but I wanted to pay one final visit before going.” “What do you mean?” I asked. My mind still felt like a piece of taffy being stretched around by one of those mechanisms in a candy shop. Marty’s pale ghost smiled again, “I can’t tell you exactly, but I think you know,” he said, turning his face toward the night sky. “Anyway, I wanted to make sure you would be okay, I know that this hasn’t been easy on you for the last twenty-four years. Lets take a seat.” We strolled over to a bench along the park’s pavement walking trail between two amber light poles. Matty seemed to glide across the dewy grass rather than walk. We took a seat on opposite ends of the wooden bench. “Don’t worry, no one will notice us should they happen to come by,” Matt read my mind, nervous about being seen alone in the park with a juvenile. That never looks okay. Matt laughed his contagious cackle, again, knowing what I was thinking. “Man, you haven’t changed much at all.” My mind calmed a bit at my old pal’s joking. It was true, I’d always been a nervous wreck about appearing like I’m doing something wrong, even when I wasn’t. “Matt, I still don’t understand.” “And I don’t expect you to, Cameron, you’ll learn many years from now, but for the moment, just go with the flow,” the childish grin had once again given way to a caring adult expression, “You need this more than you nay realize.” I didn’t know what he meant, but I was elated to talk to the best friend I’d ever had in life. “First off, Cameron, I have to say how proud I am of what you have done in life,” Matt began, “I’ve spoken to your grandparents too and they are ecstatic about what you have done. Three books on the Bes Seller list, a beautiful wife that loves you more than anything, two amazing children that are growing up to be as great as their old man, and a perfect house in a town that you cherish. You gave done so much more for yourself than mist people can even dream of. It’s outstanding.” Matt told me. He added, “I know you don’t feel comfortable whenever someone compliments you, but you have to know how well you have done in life.” A tear formed in my eye. I hadn’t seen my grandparents since my grandmother’s funeral three years after my grandfather’s. How had Matty talked to them? “Thank you, Matthew,” I had never called him his full name almost as long as I knew him- it felt odd to say, like I called him by the wrong name, but something compelled me to, “it means a lot. I just wish you could have had the same opportunity.” “We all have a time, Cam,” Matt said, “don’t feel guilty about your own successes just because I had to leave earlier.” This time, instead of a tear forming, a river flowed out of each eyelid. “It’s just not fair!” I exclaimed through the sobs, “You were supposed to have your own successes in your work, have a happy wife and children right with me. You never deserved to grow up in a house that was falling apart with an abusive father that drank too much, I mean- why you?” Matt though over my question as I unsuccessfully attempted to pull myself back together, “I was given a different set of cards than you. Its no one’s fault, we just have to play the hand we are dealt.” Matt spoke like he was one hundred years old, “Don’t feel bad about me, I’ve learned a lot since dying and I would never give up this knowledge for anything. I can’t wait to show you some of the great stuff I found!” He was acting like his childhood self again. “But, I miss you, I miss our adventures, I mean, you never even got to kiss a girl before, Matt!” I said. Matt’s ghostly pale face almost blushed with his evil grin again, “Actually,” he said then paused, “I kissed Marissa McClain at her parent’s Fourth of July party the summer I left.” I exploded with laughter at that. He knew I had the biggest crush on Marissa McClain back in the day, most of the boys did back then, “You did?! That’s awesome!” “I never told you because I didn’t want to upset you, but she snuck me off to the barn behind her house and we kissed for a while during the fireworks. Sorry man,” He was laughing himself. “Nothing to be sorry for,” I said still howling with laughter, “so that’s where you disappeared to.” “Yeah, I’ve got to say, I did enjoy my time,” Matt said guiltily but still smiling. “I’m sure you did, you sly dog!” it was incredible go talk to him like we were twelve years old again. “Those were good times, Cam,” Matt said in sincerity. “It was a great escape from home and it allowed my to live a fun life.” My laughter stopped as new tears streamed down my cheeks as I thought about all the old times running around the small town we lived in. “I just wish you could have lived longer, it eats me up that you had to go out the way you did and so soon,” I said. “Cameron,” Matt grabbed my shoulder, “that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Stop worrying about me. I’m here to let you know, that there is no animosity or grudges held against you. We all go at one point and you have to cherish the good times. You taught me to enjoy life. You were the one that showed me how to have a good time and forget about anything bad that was happening at home.” “But-“ I began. “No, but, Cameron,” Matthew said sternly, “You need to get over this guilt or it’s going to kill you.” He stood up from the bench, “Enjoy your life and don’t dwell on the past. I’m enjoying myself. I want to see you do the same. Can you do that for me?” “I’ll try, Matthew,” I promised through my tears. “I’ll keep an eye on you along with your other family up here, you’ll see me again one day,” Matthew’s form disappeared with a final, “Enjoy.” Spoken in the wind. I walked back to my house in a daze. The sky was showing the signs of illumination before the sun came up. I met wife in bed, who was awake now. “Honey, what’s wrong?” she asked with concern. I could only shake my head as I bawled my eyes out into her shoulder. I let all of my regrets and self-hate go away with those tears. Though, I still missed Matt every day, I learned to enjoy life and the nightmares ended. Sometimes, I could even detect a hint of him watching over me.