text: Jamie stepped off the bus just as it was starting to snow. "Merry Christmas." He heard the bus driver say before closing the doors and driving off. Jamie was the only one to get off at this bus stop. He stood there scanning the short buildings that lined the only street in his small hometown. Nothing had changed, at least not for the better in the two years since he'd last been here. The buildings were looking more run down than they had before. He noticed that a few were missing, making the street look like a smile that was missing some teeth. Jamie thought it suited the town perfectly as most the residents were in fact missing teeth. Despite the sorry state of the poor little town, Jamie was surprised to see festive lights and decorations covering the ruins of a once bustling coal mining town. He was also surprised to see so many people walking up and down the sidewalk, dressed in red, green and white. All very cheery and talking to each other and laughing. Jamie stared at the scene for a moment, his dead little country town looking for the world like a Christmas movie. BEEP! BEEP! Jamie turned in the direction of the parking lot across the street from the bus stop. There sat a large Chevy pickup truck with a lanky woman he recognized as his older sister, Lily, waved at him from the driver's side window. Jamie made his way across the street and got into the the passenger's side of the old truck, slamming the door loudly. He could smell the smoke scent that he knew was from the fireplace that heated his childhood home, radiating from Lily. The smell hit him hard with nostalgia. Lily reached over and patted Jamie on the back. "Well, look at you, " she teased, "look like you've actually gotten shorter." Jamie snorted, "looks like you've turned into a street lamp." Lily laughed heartily, but the reaction he wanted but one he expected. She was always giving him crap about being shorter than her. "Ready to go home, college boy?" "Yeah, " Jamie sighed, clicking his seatbelt, "I'm exhausted." "I'd say so," Lily put the truck in gear and they started home, "you've had a long ride and still a long one to go." Jamie and Lily's childhood home was deep in the mountains of Appalachia, almost an hour away from the small little town. On their way home they chatted about the weather and school until Lily made her way to her favorite topic. "How's the love life?" Jamie rolled his eyes. "Don't have one. How's yours?" "You know," Lily glanced at him, "Tessa is still across the river." Jamie breathed in deeply through his nose. He could suddenly feel his heart beating. "You talk to her?" He asked a little too quickly. "I see her every now and then at the store in the next county," Lily grinned, "she's just as sweet as ever." "What do you guys talk about?" "Oh, nothing much," Lily looked over at him and smiled, "I take it back, you have gotten a little taller. You should go down to the river some time tomorrow and show Tessa hour much you've grown." When they arrived at their little brick house, Jamie made his way up the snowy steps and into the house to greet his father. They stayed up a while talking before retiring to bed. Jamie lie awake for a while thinking of Tessa. He remembered the first time he'd went down to the river by himself when he was fifteen and had seen Tessa's bright red hair shining in the sun from the other side. It was love at first sight for Jamie. He remembered how they would skip rocks back and forth and try to figure out how they could cross the river without getting wet. How they would laugh. He'd said to hell with it after a few meetings and jumped in the river and swam to her. Jamie finally drifted off with the memory of his first kiss. The next day Jamie told his father and sister he was going to take a walk and they gave each other a knowing look that Jamie pretended not to notice. He walked quickly down the familiar snow covered roads. The snow was sparkling in the sun and everything looked brighter than it used to. And smaller. Jamie finally arrived at the river and was disheartened to find there was no Tessa there waiting for him. Jamie looked around and saw the rope he'd tied to a large tree that held his little row boat here. He stood there for a moment, staring at the broken rope before he started to shiver. Then he remembered that they used to light fires to notify the other that they were here, both being able to see the smoke from their houses. As he gathered driftwood and dead trees Jamie thought about the last time he had spoken to Tessa. It was the weekend before Jamie graduated high school. By this time Jamie had aquired a small boat he kept tied by the river. Tessa and Jamie went to different schools and they could only see each other after hours, and that day when he came to the river Tessa was already there waiting just like she was everyday, sitting cross legged with a book on her lap. She smiled at him and Jamie smiled back. He felt the letter in his pocket he'd received months ago. He was anxious to show Tessa. He untied the boat and rowed over to her side of the bank. When he stepped out of the boat he was greeted with Tessa's arms around his neck and a kiss. He picked her up and spun her around. "What's got you in such a good mood?" Tessa giggled. Jamie smiled and pulled the letter out of his pocket and held it up to her. Tessa unfolded the paper, scanning over it quickly before handing it back and walking over to the water. "You got in." Jamie was hurt and confused at her reaction. "Yeah," Jamie put the letter back in his pocket, "what's wrong?" "I didn't get in," Tessa didn't look at him, "I didn't get in anywhere." Jamie was shocked. Tessa had always told him that she excelled in school and was the top of her class. That she'd applied at all the same schools he had, so they could be together. "What do you mean?" She sighed and sat down on the bank, sliding her fingers through the sand. Jamie joined her. He stared at her and waited but she wouldn't meet his eyes. "Tess?" "I quit school last year." Tessa said quietly. "What?" Jamie took a deep breath, "but you talk about school all the time!" Tessa let out a shaky breath. "I was never any good at school. I never applied to any colleges." Tessa picked up a handful of sand and let it slip through her fingers. Jamie watched it fall into a small pile for a moment. "Why?" He gulped, "why'd you lie?" Tessa sighed and stood up suddenly. "What's it matter?" She was looking at him now with her hands out, "you're leaving! Like I knew you would." "No," Jamie stood up, "tell me why." Tessa picked up her book and turned to walk away but Jamie grabbed her arm and tried to make her turn to face him but she budge. "Tess!" He loosened his grip and she slipped out, running up the bank, "wait! Talk to me, please!" He started after her and stopped as he watched her running as fast as she could away from him. He was confused and he didn't know what to do so he sat down and waited. When the sun started to go down he untied the boat and headed home. When she wouldn't return his calls he decided he would come back to the river the next day and every day until he had to leave for college. Tessa never showed. As he gathered wet wood into a pile he turned the whole conversation over and over in his head, as he had done many times before. He still turned up with no answers and a broken heart. He wondered if maybe if he really knew her at all. He gathered some dead, wet leaves and struck a lighter them, and they began to smoke immediately. He worked for some time trying to achieve a good flame and eventually he had a small but very smoky fire. He kept the fire going for about an hour when he decided to let it die. He thought was being a fool and it was time to head back and be with his family for the holidays. He turned and began his walk home. "Jamie." He spun around to see a beautiful mane of firey red hair glowing against the color of the snow across the river. Tessa threw a rock, which skipped six times across the surface of the water before landing in front of Jamie. He picked it up and held it tightly. "Tess!" He laughed, "I didn't think you'd come." Tessa bashfully looked down at her boots. Now that she was there Jamie had no idea what to say. It was hard to have a conversation like this, even though the distance between them wasn't that far. Instead of saying anything Jamie shot the rock back across the river towards Tessa only to fall short. She laughed then and the sound softened the awkwardness. "You've gotten rusty, huh?" "Yeah," Jamie laughed, "it's been a long time. " Tessa paused, "Do you want to talk?" "Uh, yes! Sure," Jamie gestured to the tree with what was left of the rope, "the boat is long gone." "There's a bridge now," Tessa smiled, "this way." Tessa started to walk upstream and Jamie followed on the other side. They walked in silence as the river began to widen the gap between them. Jamie kept looking to his left to make sure she was still there, and finally he spotted a bridge to ahead. They climbed the banks to get to the bridge and finally met in the middle, panting, their breath coming out in white foggy air. "Tell me why." Jamie got straight to the point, out of breath and tired. Tessa chuckled. "Right, right." She turned and leaned her elbows on the railing of the bridge, "I had to quit school because my mom was sick. She couldn't work. I had to take care of her." "Oh. Why didn't you just tell me that?" "I don't know," Tessa shrugged, "I was embarrassed and ashamed of how far I'd let the lies go on. You always talked about how badly you wanted to get out of here and I knew I wasn't going anywhere. My mom was sick, I just couldn't process any of it at the time." "Your mom, is she-" "She's gone." "Shit, Tessa." Jamie sighed, "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" "I'm fine. I'll be fine." She cleared her throat, "but what about you? Living the good college life?" "Uh, yeah," Jamie looked down at his hands, "yeah, it's fine." Jamie thought for a moment on what to say, finally something came to him. "Do you want to come to my dad's house for Christmas? If you're not already busy." Jamie bit his lip and stared hard at the river. They stood there in silence, staring at the slow moving river below them. Tessa moved closer to him, nudging his elbow with hers. "I'd love to." He looked at her and smiled before pulling her in and hugging her tightly, his chin resting on her head. Lily was right he had gotten taller.