text: “Jesus chris’ Chrice, jus’ do it already, why don’cha?” “I dunno man, I don’t think I’m ready.” “What d’you mean you don’t think yer ready? What d’ya think is gonna happin’?” “Well, it’s kinda a lot of pressure and I just...I don’t think I can do it yet.” “An’ why the heck not?” “Well it kinda looks hard.” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, it’s s’posed to be hard. But s’not so difficult once you get the hang of it y’know?” “Maybe not to you it’s not! But I never done this before.” “We all, one point or ‘nother, never done this before. Only way you learn is jus’ go fer it an’ hope it works out ok.” “But what is ‘it’ that I’m goin’ for?” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, how many times I gotta tell you? S’not so complicated.” “But what if I do it wrong?” “Naw, you can’t do it wrong. You jus’ stick it in, and twist it ‘round a lil.” “You sure though?” “Course I’m sure!” “But what if I twist it too hard?” “Then you might break it! Don’ do that. You gotta be gentle, but firm.” “But what if it hurts?” “Whatchu means ‘what if it hurt?’ S’not gonna hurt.” “How d’ya know?” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, ‘cause I done it before! Don’ you trus’ me?” “Of course I trust you! I just....well I’m scared I’mma muss it all up.” “Stop worryin’. Don’ overthink it so much. Jus’ stick it in, an’ twist it. You can go slows you like.” “What if I go too slow?” “Yer can’t go too slow. Goin’ slow jus’ means yer makin’ sure it fits in nice.” “Can you show me?” “I already done shown you!” “I know, I’m sorry. I jus’ don’t wanna muss up and look stupid. Show me jus’ one more time? Fer me, please.” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, ok. One more time, but that’s it ok?” “Ok. Gosh bless you.” “So, yer gonna take it in your hands like so. You follow?” “Mhm yesssir.” “Good. Now, you wanna take the round end in your hand like this. Got it?” “Got it.” “An’ you wanna stick this end in an’ up, like this. See now?” “I see.” “It should line up just right with the hole there.” “Uhu.” “An’ ya slide it right in.” “Oh wow, would ya look at that!” “Go slow though, right.” “Right. Why slow?” “Cause f’you go too quick and it don’t fit proper, it won’t twist none.” “Ah, o’course not.” “Right, then you twist it gently, like so, till you feel it click.” “Click? Why click though?” “Cause if you don’ feel it click, then tha’s how you knows it don’t work proper.” “Right, and it’s a waste e’erybodies time if it don’t work proper?” “Xactly!” “Wow, an’ where’d you learn how to do it?” “My brother o’course!” “Really now? I wish I had a brother to teach me useful stuff like this. An’ where he learn it from?” “Our cousin.” “You don’t say? And where’d he...” “C’mon now Chrice, quit askin’ so many damned questions and jus’ do it, now won’tchu?” “Right right, sorry! So I take it like this and... which hand should I hold it in?” “Either really. But most find it easier to do, more stable, ya see? holdin’ it with their dominant hand. Which hand you write with?” “My left.” “Right. So take it in yer left hand then. Careful now, don’ drop it!” “I got it. An’ I go like this?” “Mhhm, aim careful now. You want it to align so it goes in the hole smoothly now. Don’t force it.” “Awe damn. It won’t fit. I think it’s maybe too big.” “Now that’s a common misconception there. I know plen’y folks who think their’s is too big to fit, but you go slow now, an’ see how it fits perfectly fine. Jus’ go slow and aim it nice an’ careful now. “Now see, it won’t fit! It’s too big.” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, I just done it and it worked. Weren’t yeh watchin’? I can’t just whip it out an’ show you every time yer confused. You gotta get it on yer own eventually now. Try again now, but go slower. Be patient. There ain’t a rush to finish quick. Unless you gettin’ paid to go quick o’course. But yer not, so take your time.” “Ok, ok. Here, like this?” “There ya go. See there now, the tip aligns right with the hold. There ya go. Slow now, don’t shove. It don’t work better if you try an’ force it. ‘member? Might break it an’ yer don’ want that. My cousin accidentally did that an’ had to get a whole new one.” “No kiddin’? It broke so bad he had to get a new one? Now that’s jus’ crazy bad luck there” “No such thing as luck. Good or bad. Jus’ was too impatient, but he was also gettin’ paid by his neighbors, so maybe he felt he had to do it quick.” “Can’t get paid to go slow for a better job?” “Sure you can, but usually only for bigger ones.” “An’ why’s that?” “Cause smaller ones are usually quicker to finish.” “Really? Now why’s that?” “Jesus chris’ Chrice, cause i’s smaller. Bigger ones is bigger, heavier. Takes more time to align it accurately an’ all.” “Right right. That was a silly question.” “Sure was.” “But what happened to yer cousin?” “Well I guess he done a good enough job that satisfied his neighbors well enough ‘cause they asked him to come again.” “No kiddin’? Even with a broken one?” “Well he got a new one o’course! They’d never let him bring a broken one into their bedroom. Can’t finish nothin’ proper with a broken one hanin’ ya know?” “No, course not.” “Now get back to yers. How’s it goin’?” “Oh right! Like this?” “Right, now a little to the right. Careful now. Slow it down, no need to rush. A little further. There!” “Here?” “Yes, slide it in, slowly now.” “Like this?” “Yes, yes! Now twist it gently.” “How much?” “You’ll know. Jus’ take it slow. There you go. Keep goin’. A little more. Don’ stop, don’ stop! Almost there. Do you feel anything?” “No, it jus’ keeps twisting.” “Well it looks right. Just keep twis...” “AH! Was that it??” “Did ya feel it? How was it?” “Satisfying!” “I told you it would be! That’s why you gotta keep tryin’ till you finish!” “I wanna do it again! “Now don’ be so hasty. Go on over by the wall.” “Why’s that?” “Gotta make sure ya dd it right?” “But it fit and it clicked.” “So there should be nuffin’ to worry ‘bout. Go on now, go turn it on.” “Look, It works!” “And tha’s how to fix a light bulb!!”