text: This was my secret santa story for u/zetakh! This was really fun to write and I hope everyone likes it too. Constraints: 1. Something derails a holiday celebration. 2. An unlikely alliance. 3. Food is used as a weapon. 4. Bonus: use the following words: "Defenestrate" 5. "Kerfuffle" 6. "Bamboozle" \ A little boy sat at the banquet table that his grandmother had set out in the living room. He glanced around at all of the family members that surrounded him, many of which he didn’t recognize that well. Aunts, uncles, great-grandparents... Christmas was the only time of year that he saw them, so who could blame him for not knowing them? The only two people he recognized were Dad and Grandma. At the very least, though, he wasn’t the only child here. There were a few cousins around his age here, too. Maybe he could play with them after dinner? Speaking of that, when were they gonna eat? He glanced down at his plate, which was empty. He turned to his father, who sat beside him, and whimpered, “Dad, can I pleaaaaase eat now? I’m so hungry!” “Not yet, Buddy,” Dad replied as he gently patted his son’s head. “We have to wait for Grandma to pray.” “But why?” “Grandma will get upset if we don’t pray. Just be patient, okay?” Buddy crossed his arms and pouted, but otherwise didn’t reply. There was no sense in arguing with Dad, after all. Especially not if it concerned Grandma since she was much taller and much more terrifying than Dad could even dream of being! He watched as a few more people sat down. After what felt like years to him, Grandma finally chirped, “I think that’s everyone! Let’s pray, then.” The whole family seemed to bow their heads synchronously, except for Buddy. He stared at the food once more, before his eyes gravitated to one of his cousins who sat across from him. She stared right back at him, with a somewhat unsettling smile on her face. Was she planning something? Grandma began to hum, “Bless, O Lord, this food to our use and us to thy service, and keep us ever mindful of the needs of others....” The cousin’s grin widened at Buddy as she picked up her spoon and placed it in the bowl of mashed potatoes. “For this and all we are about to receive, make us truly grateful, Lord...” Buddy squinted at her, before putting his own spoon in the stuffing. He knew he wasn’t supposed to, but he certainly wasn’t one to back down from a challenge! “In Jesus' Name, Amen." As the adults lifted their heads, the cousin flicked the mashed potatoes, which landed directly on Buddy's shoulder. He could hear one of them shout, "Lucy! That's not nice! Apologize!" but it was already much too late. This was war! He flicked the spoonful of stuffing right in her face, making a laugh as it splattered. Dad shouted, "Buddy! What are you doing?!" Alas, it fell on deaf ears as Buddy decided to pelt even more stuffing at Lucy. A splash of cranberry sauce came from a different direction and landed on Buddy's cheek. He whirled around to see one of his aunts, preparing to slam him with more cranberry sauce. In response, he began to pelt her with stuffing right back. From there, the situation devolved rapidly. Every single member of the family was now involved. What was once just a little kerfuffle between two cousins was now a full-on battle between everyone! Food flew with such force and speed all across the room, with no signs of the war slowing down or stopping. After a while, Buddy began to run out of food to throw. He scrambled to find more ammunition but instead got pelted by several others whose ammo was plentiful. He stopped in his tracks as he realized there was nothing he could grab. Everyone else was hoarding their food! He whimpered, before laying down on the ground and accepting his fate. Unfortunately for him, Grandma soon towered over him, a scowl on her face as she tightly held a couple of family-sized chip bags. "Do you know just how much trouble you're in, mister?" she asked, the fury clear in her voice. Buddy sat up, and yelped out, "I'm sorry, Grandma! I won't do it again! I didn't mean to start this!" The throwing of food slowed as everyone saw what was happening. Grandma smirked as she tossed one of the bags to Buddy. She scoffed, "Hah! I bamboozled all of you! My turn!" and opened the remaining bag. Soon, potato chip crumbs were flying everywhere, and the battle ramped up again. Buddy opted to hide behind Grandma and helped her throw chips at the family members who had barely gotten hit. She seemed the safest, after all! She was intimidating, strong, and clearly on his side despite the scare she had given him. Why wouldn’t he decide to have an alliance with her? Finally, after what felt like forever, everyone ran out of food. The battle was now over, and all that was left was the disastrous aftermath. Food covered almost every part of the house now, from the ceiling to the floor. It had even gotten outside, where some of the food had gotten accidentally defenestrated out of an open window. Buddy surveyed the massive mess that was now in the living room and felt a pang of guilt. Grandma was going to have to painstakingly clean this up, wasn’t she? He was at least partially responsible for this, so this was his mess to clean. The presents and celebration could wait until after this mess was cleaned up. He decided to grab a towel from the bathroom and began to scrub out the carpet. Soon, the rest of his family followed suit and began to clean up the disaster they caused. The war was over, and now they had to clean up the mess. Buddy didn’t mind much, though.