text: Slice of Life style OC Critiques are welcome “SAAAAM! Get ready! Everyone is going to be here soon.” “Relax mom, they are still an hour away!” It’s her who needs time to get ready. Well I can’t blame her, everyone just projects their experiences onto others. Strange thing this evening! I know another year has passed but I am excited about it, despite the firecracker ban. A large chunk of the family gets together at Diwali. Being an annual occasion, it gives them enough time to accumulate exciting stories. So many surprises. No awkward nod or blank stare this time of the year! “Oh wait it’s 10 minutes now. Thank god I already had a shower.” I am an atheist though. You see, I... NO. STOP... Imma get ready now. Well I enjoyed the evening. I wish I didn’t have to get an year older every time for this. I got a bit jealous when I found how mature my younger cousins have become after a year. I know, I know, I got mature too. But I don’t realize it. No shock value, you see... until someone prompts me to compare... which I just did... not jealous anymore... cool. I miss the cold climate of North India. Quilts are so snuggly. Tomorrow... is it post 12? yeah... tomorrow I’ll be in Bangalore. Same pleasant climate all round the year. The only variation past the round-robin of round-neck tees I need is a raincoat. Huh... Hmm... \*breathes in\* No matter which bedroom, ceilings are the same... staring into your soul... blank Memes... Hmm... Tomorrow I’ll lie the same... but on a different mattress... same ceiling... different feeling?? I wonder... \* \* \* At the airport, I was looking through some of the top pictures in various photography contests (Nat Geo, etc.). The shots were (and are) awe inspiring! On first sight, some of the pictures triggered a mix of emotions in proportions I had never felt before. “Weird.” How can something so real make me feel something so unreal?! This is probably the only time in my life I would feel this specific mixtures of feelings in tandem. Moments later, it was gone; and I had no memory of that exact feeling. I could remember that it felt really good, perhaps even ethereal. Even if I had the exact words to describe the emotions, they can’t make me feel them. I look at the picture again... mesmerizing! But no surprise. Everytime I look at the picture, it becomes more and more commonplace. I panicked and closed the tab. “It’s a goddamn paradox!”. Since I can’t store the feeling, I have an unfulfillable and unrealistic heavenly memory of it... but I can’t FEEL it! If I revisit to feel it, I don’t feel nearly as good, with the quality of feeling and its memory deteriorating after each visit. “What should I do to feel that way again?!”. Even waiting a year won’t work here! Apparently, sometimes, I think out loud without realizing it. The puzzled look on the lady’s face sitting beside me made it worth it though. I might only be able to wish for a level of control over my mind that I can experience feelings resembling surprise and happiness in the most commonplace of things. But I know it’s possible. Experiencing the moment without actively remembering what happened a few seconds ago or what’s gonna happen a second later... you know the herb. “Why do I want to feel that way again, and again, you ask?! It’s so that my day doesn’t feel like a couple of hours... so that I don’t make new year resolutions every month.” One more potential female partner... whoosh! But I know it’s possible... For instance, right now... right now... right now... I am enjoying my blank ceiling, listening to Lo-Fi, full of repetitions. Right now... The feeling of calm is similar to the calm during my previous noticing of the ceiling. Well...now, not the same calm. Youtube’s autoplay isn’t really reliable. It’s playing rock now.