text: The Commander was at his work station. There was a lot to do. With a sigh, he absorbed the contents of the report he had requested: “From the Institute for Space Exploration To the Commander-in-Chief, Space Exploration. Honoured Sir, Planet 451.23 Our brief You have directed us to investigate this planet, its constituents and life forms, to determine whether it might be profitable for our people to visit it in the name of peace and commerce. Limitations on our investigation The subject planet is surrounded by a protective shield. Probes sent to discover more about the planet have simply burnt out on entry into its atmosphere. Larger vessels have been able to break through, but have then had negative results. On one unfortunate occasion, of which we believe you are aware, sir, our engineers mistakenly sent a vessel of such size that it extinguished all the life forms on the planet. It took many millennia for the planet to be restored to the level where it could support any life-form. Emissaries have initially reported success in finding a way round the shield, but have then vanished in circumstances which are still shrouded in mystery. On the other hand, whereas at one time we were able to access information about the planet only visually, we now have access to electronic communications emanating from the planet. These have increased our knowledge of the planet, but have only served to increase our incomprehension of the way of life of its principal life-forms. The physical characteristics of the planet The subject planet has a circumference of 49 million miles, and a surface area of 197 million square miles. 29% of the planet is land; the remainder is water. The climate is humid and clearly capable of supporting life, and the flora and fauna, all of which over the years have appeared in abundance. Lately, however, there has been a most regrettable deterioration in the conditions for supporting life, brought about almost entirely by the behaviour of the Custodians (see below), who alone have the ability to control the planet in a constructive way, but frequently behave as a de structive force. The life-forms There are no less than eleven life-forms on this planet. We propose to concentrate on the three most visibly numerous groups. 1. The Custodians These life-forms appear to play a disproportionately large part in the actions and preservation of the planet. The name we have given them derives from the key role they have taken upon themselves, although we do not consider that they fulfil that role with any degree of success. They have four protuberances from an oval body topped by a spherical object which appears to contain the sensory centre of the species. They typically stand on two of these protuberances save for the purposes of feeding, resting and procreating. They cannot live on or in water for an indefinite period of time, and have to remain at a steady temperature. Because of their activity, the temperature of the planet is rising each year, thus reducing the area of land on which they can live. Two of the protuberances appear to be for the purposes of self-propulsion, and two for other forms of activity, many of which appear directed to the destruction of other life-forms. Their population is currently 804 million, growing at a rate of 65 million each year. 2. Quadrupeds These life-forms are limited to living on land. In their natural environment, they dwell in areas different to the Custodians. They have four protuberances, and generally use all four both for self-propulsion, feeding and procreation, thus differing themselves from the Custodians. They and the Custodians appear not to be able to communicate effectively with each other. In those cases where communication appears to be possible, the Custodians appear to be surprised by this, and find it a cause for humour or entertainment. Some of the Quadrupeds are so small that it is impossible, from our limited observation platform, to detect the numbers, but we estimate that they number about 5.5 million. However, their population is decreasing by 68% each year, mainly because of the destructive tendencies of the Custodians, who kill them not only for food but for their own pleasure. 3. Aquatics These life-forms inhabit the water. They typically do not have any protuberances but are propelled by movements of their bodies, which assume a horizontal posture. Feeding is achieved by simply opening the aperture at one end of their bodies and allowing an inflow of water which apparently contains the nutrients that they need. Again, there appears to be no obvious means of communication between the Aquatics and the Custodians, who clearly believe that it is their right to use other life-forms for their own entertainment and for food, although not necessarily at the same time. Because of the depth of the water on the subject planet, we have been limited in our research, but believe that there are over 2 million Aquatics; however, their population is also decreasing by 68% each year, due to the destructive tendencies of the Custodians and the rise in the temperature of the planet which endangers not only their body structures but their natural habitats. Mineral Resources There are mineral resources on the planet which are capable of supporting all the life-forms that the planet contains. However, those resources are being consumed by the Custodians at a rate which, if maintained at its present level, will lead to the destruction of all life-systems. The prime instance is Carbon, an element which is capable of producing the heat that is needed in certain areas of the planet in order for Custodians to sustain the temperature that is required for their existence, for transportation, and, paradoxically, for maintaining the temperature of the planet as a whole. According to our investigators, if current rates of Carbon consumption are maintained, in eight years the temperature of the planet will start to increase to such an extent that the amount of the planet which is uninhabitable will start to increase beyond sustainable limits. The Custodians appear to be aware of what is happening, but seem incapable of any sort of agreement to resolve it. The Quadrupeds and Aquatics must clearly be conscious of the problem, because it is their way of life which is being most affected, but they cannot effectively communicate this to the Custodians, and are dependent on the Custodians to act on their behalf. All too frequently, this simply does not happen. The conduct of the life-forms 1. The Custodians The Custodians usually live in small groups, often led by an individual who is called the “King” or “President” and who usually appears to be an older member of the group. Different groups appear to have no consistent method of communication with each other. They emit noises which, in places only short distances from each other, are different and have different meanings, so that true communication is impossible. They are of different colours and markings, which result in the deepest possible suspicion of each other. Even Custodians in the same group find it impossible to co-exist peaceably. They claim to be in general agreement that the unjustified killing or harming of another Custodian is incorrect, but all too often find that “justification” in ways which defy understanding. It seems to make no difference whether they come from the same or different parts of the planet. Millions of Custodians are destroyed every year simply because they have different colours or Belief-Systems (see below). Unimaginable cruelty has been inflicted on each other by Custodians who live in close proximity to each other but harbour an irrational hatred for each other. Worse still, every year they devise more and more horrifying and violent methods to kill or harm each other. Times when one of a Custodian’s upper protuberances is banged against the other can signal a wide degree of accord, although equally, such is the nature of Custodians throughout the planet, it can be a prelude to violence. There appears to be no way of predicting which way they will choose to go. Even where large numbers of Custodians are gathered together in apparent peace, they can start to emit strange sounds and behave in incomprehensible ways in a way which we believe is supposed to be a pleasurable reaction to what is going on in front of them, but which rapidly turns to aggression. We have done our best to ascertain the basis for this behaviour, but have concluded that it defies all logic. 2. The Quadrupeds and Aquatics Quadrupeds have sophisticated hierarchies in which recognised leaders have precedence. Their position is often achieved by violence. Little is known of the society structures of the Aquatics. What is clear is that each life-form appears incapable of living in peace and harmony with other members of the same group. The Quadrupeds and Aquatics use each other for food, but that appears to be accepted by them as part of what they call the Food Chain, whereas the Custodians destroy Quadrupeds and Aquatics not simply for food but for pleasure. Belief-Systems Many Custodians across the planet have different Belief-Systems. Some revere invisible beings. Some revere objects. Some have no reverence for any being or object other than themselves. Each group within a Belief-System characteristically exhibits the greatest possible hatred towards Custodians who have a different Belief-System. There appears to be no logical basis for this, as every Belief-System claims to support the concept of peaceful co-existence with all Custodians. Where there is disagreement, this can result in extreme violence in which one group appears to be determined to force its own Belief-System on another. This results in no degree of contentment for either group, but simply an increase in that violence. Those who speak out against that conduct are villified or all too often subjected themselves to extreme violence. Each Belief-System has rules which its proponents are required to obey, but all too frequently, the leaders of each group are guilty of the most extreme disobedience to the rules they espouse, and are rarely held to account for this. The Custodians apparently see no obstacle in their Belief-Systems to the destruction of the Quadrupeds and Aquatics. So far as we are able to ascertain, there is no structured Belief-System among the Quadrupeds and Aquatics There is one unifying feature of all the conduct of the Custodians. Their motive of each is the acquisition of objects which denote a position of superiority to other Custodians. However, the more they have, the less pleasure they seem to exact from it, causing them to seek yet more pleasure and more wealth, in an ever-decreasing circle. In doing so, they pay no care or attention to the needs of other Custodians or, indeed, any other life-forms on the planet, and those who do are often derided as being of limited intelligence. Mitigating Factors We would not want you, Honoured Sir, to consider that this planet has no redeeming features whatever. Many of the life-forms are of great outward beauty. To their credit, the Custodians treasure them and gather them together either for their own protection or for the purposes of a mutual affection which is heartening to see. Custodians are also capable of some degree of concord, and demonstrate this in different ways. “Music” appears to be a unifying factor, although we have found that appreciation of this differs among Custodians across a wide spectrum. Only in one or two isolated instances has opinion been unified; one particular King (see above) has clearly been revered for his leadership. “Laughter” appears to be another sound of unity which crosses all boundaries, although the conception as to what causes that laughter differs in different parts of the planet. However, it is generally agreed that, where there is laughter, there cannot be hatred. Sadly, the effects of this behaviour are short-lasting, and in no way detract from the general feeling of ill-will that pervades this planet. The outcome of this investigation It is regrettable, Honoured Sir, that this investigation was not instigated many years ago. This planet had great beauty, and the life-forms could have been trained to co-exist peaceably. However the increasingly unpleasant and aggressive impulses of the Custodians make this now an impossible task, and counter-indicate any peaceful attempt at social interaction with any emissary from our planet. We have come to the conclusion that our resources should be expended in areas where success is more likely to be achieved. Your humble servant, Zob Oglic II” The Commander pulled in his tentacles to their fullest extent. He shut his eye. His elongated frame vibrated in frustration. Yet another failed attempt to find a planet outside their own which was worthy of his attention and that of the millions of Urkunastations over whom he ruled. He sighed at yet another disappointment. Some day, some day, perhaps, but not today. But as he put his body into sleep mode, he was at least comforted by the thought: “We are not alone”.