text: The band began to play, the audience began to applaud, and the show announcer stepped to the podium and announced... "Ladies and gentlemen, he's caught more people lying than a scale at weight watchers, he's known as the human lie detector because dogs don't have any money, the host of Late Night Truth, Clarke Wooooooodddddwardddddddd!" Clarke Woodward emerges from behind a curtain as the host of "Late Night Truth," a late-night talk show in which guests answer questions from Clarke, a human lie detector. Clark walks to the center of the stage and began his monologue. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. So, unemployment is at an all-time high; it's gotten so bad that Bob the Builder is now known simply as Bob." The audience erupts in laughter. "Homelessness is also on the rise; however, half of those homeless are only musicians "between bands." The audience erupts in laughter. "Let's talk about President Fitzpatrick; he's gaining a lot of sympathy for the mess he inherited; in fact, people now wave at him with all of their fingers." The audience laughs once again. "Ah, speaking of President Fitzpatrick, since this is the 100th episode, we wanted to do something extra for you. And we definitely will not be a boring show tonight. President Fitzpatrick has offered to participate in five questions from Woodward. If you ask me, he's a brave man, and I'll give him all the credit in the world for coming on, ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, President Fitzpatrick!" The President of the United States entered the stage, accompanied by secret service agents, and took a seat next to Clarke's desk. "Welcome, Mr. President, and thank you for joining us on our 100th episode." "It's my pleasure; I wanted to show the American people that I have nothing to hide." "Well, we're going to find out." "Fire away." The President says, laughing. "Just so everyone is aware, the administration has vetted these questions to ensure complete transparency." "We don't want to reveal any State Secrets." The President says joking. "I suppose not." Clarke takes out a notecard and starts reading. "First and foremost, do aliens exist?" "As far as I know, the American government has no proof that aliens exist." "Have you seen the New York City subway system?" "Yes, but there's no proof that they're aliens. No one knows what's going on there." "Well, Mr. President, you are telling the... truth!" Clarke presses a button on his desk, causing a "truth" sign to illuminate behind them. The President nods and smiles as the audience applauds. "Question number two: who assassinated John F. Kennedy?" "Of course, it was a plot involving the Soviet Union, the CIA, and the mafia." "Are they also responsible for Jack Ruby's death?" "No, that was the Illuminati." "Sadly, Mr. President, you are... lying!" Clark presses another button on his desk, and a sign that says "lying" appears behind them. "All right, third question: why is unemployment so high?" "That is a good question; it's a combination of many reasons; we've just exited a period of high inflation, the global economy was reeling from the economic crisis last year, and businesses are being cautious with hiring until the fourth-quarter profit results come in. But we are doing a lot to improve things, such as providing rebates on certifications and education, cutting tax rates so that businesses can hire, and establishing trade agreements so that demand for US products can return to normal." "Mr. President, you are telling the... truth!" Clark presses the button that activates the "truth" sign once more. "The fourth question: there has been increased worry about the homelessness rate in the United States; why are the numbers increasing?" "This is a really serious issue; millions of Americans lack a place to live and are forced to live on the streets. Unemployment is a factor in all of this, but it extends beyond just having a job; it includes making a livable wage, single-parent households working two or more jobs, and strengthening our schools, particularly in low-income communities known as dropout factories. We are taking various steps to combat homelessness, including improving mechanisms to assist people battling addiction, reforming the school system to provide for post-graduation jobs, and ultimately, being honest with ourselves about the scope of the problem." "Mr. President, you sir are telling the... truth!" Clark presses the "truth" button on his desk once more. "OK, you're almost out of the hot seat; only one more question to go." As Clarke pulls out the next notecard, he pauses. "And now for the final question..." Clarke hesitated once more before continuing. "Who is Alexandra Guthrie?" Clarke asked in a confused manner. Clarke turned to face his producer, who shrugged. The President's handlers appear to be on the verge of storming the stage, and the President dismisses them. "Folks, I must admit that this was not the question we had planned to ask before the show. I'm not sure what's happening here; there appears to be an error." Clarke said. "This was bound to come out sooner or later. It's alright, I'll answer the question." A handful of stagehands held back the President's chief of staff as he tried to charge the stage as well. "You asked about Alexandra Guthrie, so tonight, live on the air; I will tell you the truth about her. Alexandra Guthrie was an investigative journalist who..." Just as the President was about to answer the question the power suddenly went out in the studio. Everyone was sitting in the dark. The Secret Service stormed the stage and whisked the President away to safety. "What exactly is going on here?" "What caused the power outage?" Clarke asked of his producer. "We need to talk backstage." Clarke addressed the audience before exiting the stage. "Sorry, guys; we'll get to the bottom of this, and then we'll resume the show shortly; we apologize for the inconvenience." Clarke dashed backstage to see his producer. "I guess the last question was switched out. This was huge; the President was going to broadcast breaking news live on the air, but then the power was cut." "Can you tell me where the President is now?" "He was taken to an undisclosed location by the Secret Service." "OK, keep me updated." Clarke dashed down the hallway in the dark in search of answers. He promptly took out his phone and searched for Alexandra Guthrie. She was a Washington Post investigative reporter who died of a heart attack two weeks before the election. As he got back to his dressing room, a Secret Service Agent was heard yelling from down the hall. "The president has been shot!" Clarke returned to the commotion when he was stopped by the President's chief of staff, who pulled him into his dressing room. "It doesn't look like the president will make it." "Does this have anything to do with Alexandra Guthrie? She had a story about the President, didn't she?" "That's none of your concern; the President was mistaken when he recognized her name live on air tonight." "You're lying. Was it a mistress, misappropriation of funds, or something worse?" "If I were you, I would let this go; television shows, even popular ones, get canceled all the time." "Oh, it's far worse than I thought. I can see it in your eyes: this is a story that would bring your entire political party to its knees." "Consider yourself canceled. This will be your last show." The chief of staff exited the dressing room and continued down the hallway, and Clarke followed him and shouted at him from ten feet away. "People have the name Alexandra Guthrie now; they're not going to let this go, I'm not going to let this go!" The chief of staff continued down the hallway without glancing back even once.