text: I can’t say what prompted the idea but one day recently I decided it was best for me to stop breathing. Oh, it was a short-lived rebellion the first few times, but eventually I built up a considerable tolerance to the mindless act of respiration. Like a bolt out of the blue I came to realize my unrelenting addiction to oxygen was the root of all my problems. Frankly, it wasn’t just the cause of my own. Everyone knows the truth about the toxic air we inhale. The unapologetic need and continuous consumption of this primal element is behind everyone’s personal woes but we must arrive at that sobering conclusion for ourselves. Every chance I had, I held my breath for intermittent fasting periods. The goal was to fully wean myself from this chronic dependency until I no longer needed it at all. I built up my endurance at a steady pace but it has been discouraging at times. Just as I started to believe I’d beaten the crippling dependency, my lungs would demand another breath to ‘save myself’. With every new iteration however, my ability to go without air has increased a little bit more. Over time I started seeing things in a whole new light. The golden periods between breathing and exhaling my spent carbon dioxide changed my entire perception of things. There were longer and longer times where I’d drift into a hazy realm of nothingness. It was just a different state of being. The pale world I knew ceased to be in those brief flashes of alternate existence. In its place was a celestial plane where all problems I had in life were insignificant. I came to crave the peace and tranquillity I experienced there but all too soon; I was returned to this depressing version of reality. Each time, Tell-tale tingling of my extremities signaled the toxic opiate had reentered my body and renewed my addiction. Reoccurring headaches grew from the extended periods I was oxygen free. Only a lingering lung addiction kept me in this world. Others tried to tell me it was from deprivation itself but that was only half true. It was a lifelong dependence on respiration which created the heaving pangs of withdrawal in the first place. The addiction tried to hold me back. It didn’t want me to escape its fickle chains. The closer to freedom I got, the worse my headaches became. It was a cycle of biological slavery to breathing and I was determined to break free of it. As my resistance grew, the longer I remained moored to the other side. I no longer felt a burning ache in my lungs demanding I give in. I rapidly approached a tipping point where I spent more time in there, and less in this dimension. Bystanders saw me gasping for air and tried to offer aid, not realizing my asphyxiation was a deliberate attempt to free myself. They meant well but were unable to understand it was my intention to stop breathing and permanently dwell in the beautiful place I’d only experienced in fleeting glimpses. They labeled me mentally ill and a grave danger to myself but they were philosophically wrong. To be suicidal is to want to harm oneself. I only want to break free of my lifelong dependence to breathing. Dozens of times I’d almost escaped the limiting bounds of life but I was unable to permanently let go. At the last moment I’d panic and swallow a breath of air through my parched lips. A lingering fear of the unknown and superstitious doubts prevented me from permanently crossing over to those cerulean skies and lush, rolling hills. At last, I’ve found the perfect solution to stabilize my faltering faith and do what is necessary to achieve my goal. To your ears this request may appear unorthodox or against my own self interests but I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. This is the only way forward for me. Please understand that when I stop breathing, it will be when I actually start to live. Do not let me back out of these sincere intentions. It would only be from primal fear that I might beg you to stop suffocating me but that’s not what I really want. No matter what I do or say from this point on, please do not give in. I am not conflicted. My final wishes are to cease breathing and permanently deny my lungs of their toxic drug. Help me escape the mortal slavery of oxygen and be free at last.