text: Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The first little pig was a simple little pig. He danced around all day wallowing in the mud and playing his flute. So when winter came he didn't have anywhere to stay and so he asked the farmer for help and the farmer said "here is a house made of hay, you can stay here and we will give you and your family all that they need." And the first little pig was as happy as could be. The second little pig was an honest little pig. He loved to dance all day and play his fiddle, but he knew that winter was coming and it wasn't right to depend on the farmer and so he went to the bank and bought a 30 year mortgage for a house of sticks so that he would be able to care for his family and maybe one day when he was old, and his body worn down from years of labor, and plagued by disease, he could play his flute and rest a little. He worked hard and slaved all day and night doing everything he could to pay his mortgage and provide for his family and hoped they would all be happy one day. The third little pig was a jolly little pig. He loved to dance all day and toot his horn. Papa pig was able to send him to Little Pig State University and he learned how everything on the farm worked. He never worried about winter because he made a good living sitting on the board of his father’s trust endowment. He was able to buy a nice brick house and was happy all his days and was able to dance and play. One day the big bad wolf saw the three little pigs dancing and playing and didn't like it at all because he had to live in the dark woods and could never dance and play. So the big bad wolf declared a jihad on the three little pigs and tried to blow the three pigs houses down. The three little pigs cried and cried because they didn't know what to do, so they asked the farmer for help to keep them secure. The farmer said "sure, I will build a big fence and have my hounds watch the fence, and you can pay me a little every year for what I do". The three little pigs loved this idea and laughed and played and payed the farmer a little more every year to keep them secure. Soon enough the farmer needed more to pay for the fence and keep all his hounds fed so he told the three little pigs he needed to raise their taxes. The pigs said they already pay him for that and they don't want to pay any more. So the farmer cut a hole in the fence just big enough for the wolf to stick his head through and the three little pigs cryyyed and cried "we aren't safe, here is what you asked for, build that fence higher and longer and get more hounds". And so the farmer build the fence higher and longer and hired more hounds and Invaded the dark woods and dropped JDAM missiles on the dark woods killing all the furry animals and turned the dark woods to rubble. Soon enough the farmer needed even more to pay for the fence and the hounds so he went to the little pigs and ordered them to give more. The first little pig said "I don't have anything more to give". And the farmer said "I know" and had the hounds put him in a prison labor camp. The second little pig said "I don't have anything more to give". So the farmer took his pension and audited the second little pig and ordered the pig county SWAT team to raid the stick house and they slaughtered the second little pig and his entire family. The third little pig said "I only have a little, I lost my business and my house, but here is what I have left, just please keep the big bad wolf out!" And the farmer said "that's a good little pig, here, you can live in this straw house and I will give you everything you need." And the Farmer and the Wolf were Happy. The End.