text: Start your story with someone being presented with a dilemma. On that first Tuesday in March, all Lisa could do is lay in bed and sob. She had two terrible blows in 24 hours; the first was her partner was pulling away, yet again, and the other was her visa, that she had sacrificed everything to be with him, was rejected. The former, she could have the patience to deal with, but this time they had never been happier, and to pull away now just gutted her. The latter, she only had days to respond and react to the rejection letter on her visa. What should she do? The dilemma was many fold; was she being forced to return to the States, to have only one choice legally to return to her abusive marriage? Right now, during the pandemic, the only way a person could return was with a marriage certificate in hand, and since she had used her savings to support herself in a foreign country, she had no funds to start over. Should she stay and fight? The only option was an appeal; they had completely messed up the timeline and not followed the new, easier way to swap a visa. For Lisa, it was more frustrating, because so many come to this country illegally, get picked up on a boat, and have benefits and the Covid jab before the rest of the population. She followed the rules, and after spending much of the last 24 years with England as her home, spending thousands on visas, jumping through hoops both on fire and underwater at the same time...her only choice was to stay, with the person she was here for mot wanting her suddenly, or leave, and have all this joy and happiness dashed back to the life she had left behind. It was a dilemma with no right answer...but for today, all she could do was sob in bed. Lately, the love she had for her partner had become its own entity; she saw it as a warm pink chakra light, encasing her in happiness. When her partner pulled away,, suddenly and with no reason, that pink glow was still there; it would be a month or more of Lisa waking up and seeing the pink light, then realizing the hell she was living. How does one feel safe and loved, and have the love pulled away from you? On that day, she cried like no other day. At one point, she got up and wrote her last wishes. Her partner was always the one that was going to deal with her ashes, since much of where she wanted the scattered was here in the UK. They had plans to grow old together. She wrote, as tears rolled down her cheeks, how much she loved him, that she didn’t know if they would be married or not at the time of her demise, but if the choice was to return to someone who daily tried to kill her, it was better to write this sooner than later. She had been planning a wedding, and used the pandemic as a time to make and order things; frugal as she was, she preferred to create beautiful items from nothing. The last gown and his daughters’ bridesmaid dresses were already in a bag, the other gowns had been hanging in his closet for ages now...it’s just that he kept waffling on the commitment. She would draft her last wishes, and put it in this bag. If nothing else, the dilemma made it so maybe she would never see him again, and this may be the last thing she ever leaves for him on his porch, as she has left treasures and home-cooking there for years now. The imminent issue was reacting to the threat of visa denial. The nest day, she had to go back to fight mode. The email, ironically, took seven days to reach her, which meant of the two weeks she had to respond, that was really only one week. She sent the rejection letter to her best friend, who was better at deciphering details like this...Lisa was not, especially in the fragile state of mind she was in. Her bff found the loopholes, and Lisa also contacted Home Office, their Assurance team, and CIH Covid team, as well as immigration solicitors...they all agreed that errors had been created. So, an appeal had to be received by the Home Office in a matter of days...this was complicated further by the pandemic and things like, where to find a computer with a printer near a post office to send the documents registered to prove they had been done in time...not an easy task. Lisa knew that taking a few buses was required, and that there was a city with the only library open in her area, that had printers, and a post office nearby. Lisa typed her heart out, pre-drafted much, and emailed to herself so she could print and post...the documents ended up being 64 pages to satisfy the requirements! She had already gotten an assurance so she could stay longer in the country without getting in trouble. They had messed up her visa and the timeline so badly, she wished she had entered on a boat somewhere; it would have been less stressful! Now, the imminent thing Lisa needed to do was some self-care, once that hoop-jumping was done. She was still in love with her partner, she ached for him, longed for him, and cried more than she ever had before in her life. To heal, she started watching every video, reading every bit of research, on trying to figure out this particular part of the dilemma. She did reach out to her partner, they were in contact, and since he was her best friend, there was a line of communication...just no answers. If she pushed, he pulled further away, and it broke her heart. So, she focused on herself; she meditated, did yoga, but there were also weeks that she couldn’t bother to get off the couch, as her relationship seemed doomed. She studied every mystical and psychological thing she could get her hands on, to manifest her man back. They say, put cheerful, sexy pics on social media, they say, do self-love, so once lockdown eased, she saw her beauty place for much needed TLC; still nothing. She still saw him at work, and would pop by his, but he was guarded, but would always kiss her. A good 45 days in, as was the expert predictions o when to see your man, and after so many times asking to see him, she sensed a shift. One day, she decided to go to church in his village. She wore her best dress; it looked like something you would run across a meadow in. As luck would have it, her man was outside his gardening. She chatted, she flirted....she ended up pulling weeds and dancing with freshly pulled onions and carrots to get his attention, all in her white frilly dress! Not easy to be sexy with a trowel in hand, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Eventually, she realized she had clothes at his house, and went in and grabbed some grubbies and trainors, and helped weed some more; his mother passed by and looked on with approval. Unlike the other times she popped by, he didn’t dismiss her, and asked her to cook tea. The ate, watched movies and hung out like always. When it got late, he asked if she wanted to go home or not...she did not. So, months pass, and they gradually see each other like usual. There isn’t the pink glow of love, but there is love nonetheless. But, still no commitment, so she mentions nothing about her visa, just happy to have what time she still has with the man she moves. Meantime, she has made plans to return to the States, hopefully just temporary, but she does miss her family, and has much unfinished business there. Flights are booked and cancelled, along with a holiday she had booked with her partner, because of the pandemic. Ultimately, the dilemma has come more clear; she could return to her ex, hoping for the best either short or long term, but ultimately she plans on telling her partner the night before, since there is no point of telling him when lights get cancelled. She had brought up visa issues before and he always pulled away, but the fact he would not support her was why she was in this boat in the first place. She knew he loved her, but all the research she read was that turning herself into a pretzel was why she was not getting anywhere. She would calmly sit him down and say, ‘Look, I love you, and i want to grow old with you, but my return is based on when YOU want me to come back. It’s not like we have to get married right away, but I need to live with you; I can’t afford to support myself and not be legally allowed to work. If you want me, you will ask me to come back. My life is here...with you. It’s up to you’. This was the thought that entered Lisa’s mind that early Tuesday in March; the whole idea that her life was out of her own control, but now she was at least at peace with the decision in this dilemma, as she had to out her faith in something bigger than herself...