text: “Good morning, sir!” “Hello. Bottom floor please?” “*Bottom*-bottom?” “I was told to go to the bottom.” “The bottom! Hah! A brave one or a desperate one?” “I... was told the doctor there could fix my leg?” “Desperate. Always the desperate ones.” “Excuse me?” “*Some* smell permeating this elevator. What’s that? Colgate? Crest?” “What did you mean by that ‘Always the desperate ones,’ comment?” “Oh, yeah, definitely Colgate. Hmmm, can’t say I’ve had teeth in some time. Forgot how they tasted.” “Tasted?” “Don’t see many of your kind down here these days. Most take one look at the operator and turn right around!” “So that’s what you are?” “In the flesh! Practically swimming in it! Hah! Get it? It’s an elevator operator joke, a bit of elevator humor to lighten the mood!” “I don’t believe I understand what flesh has to do with an elevator?” “You don’t?” “Haven’t the faintest clue.” “Huh. Interesting.” “What does flesh have to do with an elevator?” “Yes, sir, *some* smell permeating this elevator. Tell me, sir, do your kind still watch that show with the--what was it you call them, again?--the sheriffs just going about their day-to-day lives in that small town in North Carolina?” “You mean *The Andy Griffith Show?*" “That’s the one! Absolute classic! Never saw it myself, can’t say I’m too familiar with the premise.” “Uh? Yes, it’s a very old show, still in black and white.” “My, my! You guys have both colors on your TV’s?” “All of them, I guess.” “Guess I gotta find a way to step out of this elevator sometime. Hah.” “At least I got that joke!” “What joke?” “I’m sorry, maybe I’m going crazy. Nerves, you know. Can’t say I’ve ever seen a hospital quite like this one. Didn’t know they even existed until today.” “Nothing scary about a hospital. There are real scary things out there, you know the ones. Illuminati flesh pits, doomsday time vortexes, flaming death wraiths, boulders.” “Do people really believe in those things?” “Never seen any empirical proof of a boulder myself.” “What about the other things?” “Mhmm, some smell I’m smelling. Minty, fresh. Smells awfully nice.” “I’m sorry, how much longer will this elevator ride be?” “Let’s see... Bottom, right? We’re at floor B74 right now. That’s one of my favorites, Rusty’s floor.” “Rusty?” “Head surgeon, nicest guy. It’s always a joy to hear the grinding gears of his legs approaching the break room, so I’ve heard.” “He sounds... friendly.” “Very nice guy, the nurse won’t shut her damn mouths about him.” “I take it the nurses like him?” “The *nurse.* Every day she just comes in my elevator talking about how ‘nice’ he is and asking if I’ve seen him skittering around any of the ceilings. I’m an elevator operator, not a janitor! I don’t see the ceilings here! Then one of her faces will go off on me about how I’m ‘not showing respect to the hospital staff’ and how I can ‘be reported to the head of the hospital if I don’t stop talking to her like that!’” “I take it you don’t like her?” “I hate anyone who tracks blood in my elevator.” “How about my doctor? Dr.-” “Dr. Penicello! Yeah, I know Penny. He’s an Italian fellow, one of the best doctors on the bottom floor.” “So you’d say I got pretty lucky?” “Maybe. Just try to look as healthy as you can around him. Don’t limp around on that leg of yours too much, the doctors here smell wounds.” “Smell?” “Just go straight down the hall to his office. Don’t hang a left, and certainly don’t hang a right.” “What’s on the right?” “Those are the words of a man thinking of taking a right. Stop thinking about the right. The faster you forget, the faster it goes away.” “What do you mean by ‘it goes away?'” “God dammit! Stop talking about it! I’m trying to forget and you’re not helping!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about what I was saying.” “Just change the damn topic!” “Uh, some smell?" “Smell? What smell? What are you talking about?” “The smell you mentioned earlier.” “Don’t smell nothing! Not a damn smell in this whole elevator. Don’t even know why you’re in a hospital.” “I’m here because of my leg, the doctor at the bottom floor was going to fix it! We talked about this!” “The bottom floor? That really is serious.” “I know it is! And I’m starting to think that not even this hospital can fix the damn thing!” “No, no, Penny is the only one who can fix an ailment like that. I’d know, I work here.” “Then why is everyone in this building acting so strange? Why are you all dodging questions?” “Yep, I’m smelling it for sure. Colgate, that’s what it is.” “Are you sure there are no human doctors that can operate on me?” “Nope. Humans wouldn’t sign you up for an appointment with a sickly glob of mold if they didn’t have to.” “A glob of what now?” “Oh! Looks like the elevator is finally coming to a stop.” “Yeah, this is my floor, I’d best be going.” “If you wait a moment, I might be able to introduce you to Rusty. I think I hear him coming down from the not-left side of the hall.” “I think I’ll pass, I’m... sort of in a hurry to get home.” “Good luck in there. Hey! Tell that sticky gray bastard to share for once in his goddamn life!” “Share what?” “Just tell him the giant maggot in his elevator hasn’t eaten in days. Can’t go without my fix tonight. He’ll know.” “I’ll, uh, be sure that he feeds you. I guess I’ll see you again after my appointment?” “A brave one. Huh.