text: God I hate vogue. I flipped through the magazine aimlessly, waiting for them to call me back. It was my first interview I’d gotten since I got to the city and I wasn’t gonna let anything ruin it. Not even Vogue. I didn’t understand the blatant objectification of the models. They take these young beautiful girls and use them up until their beauty fades then toss them away. It made me sick. But if this job liked Vogue, then I liked Vogue. I sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. The secretary typing furiously was the only noise aside from the incessant ticking of the clock above my head. I could only see her face behind the computer screen. She was drop dead gorgeous. Blonde hair sat in an unnaturally perfected bun with short bangs swept against her forehead. Her eyes had an intimidating sharpness. Black eyeliner with thick, propped eyelashes accentuated oceanic eyes. I felt like I was drowning just looking at them. Her features were sharp with skin, fair and smooth. Tight cheekbones and a small pointy noise built an angelic face. Her mouth was small but her lips were plump and wine red. I didn’t know how I didn’t notice her before, but now I couldn’t stop staring. I was entranced by her. My gaze must have touched her, as she stopped typing and shot her eyes into my stare. My throat jumped and I quickly looked back down at the magazine. I knew she was still staring, but I struggled to look back. She’s way too hot to be looking this long for nothing. Man up, say something. My head lifted to a giggle from her desk. “Hey,” she said. “Hi,” I said. Use your deep voice. “You’re cute.” The strength in her gaze lessened. “You’re here for the sales interview right?” I straightened in my chair as a smile pulled across my face. “Thank you, you’re not too bad yourself.” Gentleman. A bubbly laugh escaped from behind her computer monitor. “Yeah, I’m really hoping I nail it,” I replied. “Me, too. I know you’ll be a good addition.” Nice. “Are you nervous?” She asked. “Yeah, A little.” A little was an understatement. Both of my savings accounts were run dry and this was the only place I got a call back from. I know dad wasn’t gonna send me a penny even though I practically made the money for him. If I didn’t get this I didn’t know what to do. Move to some dingy, local apartment back in Naperville, Wyoming? Not a chance. “Is there anything I can help with? Make you more comfortable.” I hadn’t looked at the job description since I applied, so there were a number of things I could’ve asked. All I knew was they needed a seller and I needed a job. “Don’t tell boss I asked, but what exactly do you guys sell here?” I asked. Another giggle swam it’s way to my ears accompanied by a toothy smile, almost too big for her small face. Red lipstick pulled tight against bleached white teeth. The ocean in her eyes became unnervingly static. Frozen. “I’m glad you asked! Dr. Holmes has studied long and hard. Traveled across the globe in pursuit of the world's secrets. Secrets, most men were too afraid to find. The secret, to perfection. He’s-” “That’s quite enough Ms. Katherin.” A large voice called from behind the closed door next to her desk. As if on cue a tall crooked-framed man walked in and stomped into our conversation. “Forgive her, she tends to get rather excited about her job. Please, don’t fault her too harshly.” His words held a deliberate annunciation. Rehearsed in the mind, prepared in the mouth, and performed to the air. Their certainty pulled me out of the love affair Katherins words had. He swept silvered hair back before addressing me. “You must be Mr. Miller.” His cheeks pulled into his own proud smile. “A pleasure to finally meet you.” I reached for his hand but they remained buried in his jacket. “The pleasure is mine sir,” I said. “Pardon my tardiness, hopefully Ms. Katherin didn’t make you fall too far in love,” he said. Her eyes no longer looked at me, they stared hard at him. Drawn to him. “Only a little,” I joked. My words hit the side of his head as he and Katherin stared. Anger swelled in my chest as pride swelled in his rosed cheeks. “Right, let’s begin, follow me,” he said as he returned to the door he came from. I followed behind him. “Good luck,” Katherin whispered. She shot a quick wink at me as I walked into the hall. Behind the door was a short clean hall. Greyed drywall lined the walls while a beige carpet ran the length. Down the walls were black framed close ups of models. Emotionless faces of all shapes and sizes, each a foot apart from the next. It was dead silent. Aside from Dr. Holmes' heavy steps the only noise buzzed from the led lights in the ceiling. At the end we turned down another, longer, hallway. Models were replaced with large wooden doors. “What are the rooms for?” I asked to break the pulsating silence. He turned his head enough for me to see his proud smile. “They’re for the patients.” His neck clicked back forward and led me down to an open office at the end. Inside, I sat in a wooden chair in front of a kidney shaped desk. On the desk was a folder. Dr. Holmes closed the heavy door behind us, clicking the lock. He sat in a big leather padded chair behind the desk. Another friendly smile warmed his face. “So, were you able to find us easy enough?” he asked. “I got a little lost coming in, but it wasn’t too bad,” I said. “Good, that’s good,” he said. “So what brings you here today?” What? I swallowed snarky comments. “I saw you were looking for a sales representative and with my previous experience I believe I am the perfect fit,” I said. “Of course!” He exclaimed, his eyes squinted into a cheeky smile. “I took the time to look at your resume and may I say I was fascinated. Graduated top of your class at UIC, multiple bachlores, an MA in finance and even a minor in french. You then went on to become the top seller at one of the largest tech companies in Chicago.” “That’s right sir,” I said. “Then I’ll ask again, what brings you here?” Silence fell with a clap as his face dropped. Burning eyes singed my confidence. “Things just didn’t really work out I guess,” I said. “Thought I could use a change of scenery.” “I disagree.” The air hung heavily. Blue sapphire eyes pierced through me. “I’m sorry?” “Do you believe in fate?” He asked. “The belief that all things happen purposefully and deliberately?” “I’m not sure. I guess I never really thought about it,” I said. “Of course not,” he scoffed. Disgust pooled onto his face. “That much is more than clear.” My hands grew hot with rage as sweat began to clam my palms. I grinded my jaw slightly to release aggression. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re asking.” “You moved here eight weeks ago, am I correct?” He said. Disgust was replaced with the original stone expression. “Yes,” I replied. “An apartment on the upper west side of Charlottesville. One bedroom, of course, due to your lack of acquaintances.” I shuffled in my chair, but his stare didn’t break. “Yes,” I replied. “Right,” the taut muscles in his face began to slowly relax. “Mr. Miller, if you could change one thing about yourself, right here, right now, what would it be?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. What wouldn’t I want to change?, I thought. “I guess I would want to be more confident,” I said. “You guess.” “I’ll ask you again, and answer with certainty; if you could change one thing about yourself, right here, right now, what would it be?” My stomach fluttered in response. Sweat poolcd in the palms of my clasped hands. “I don’t know Doctor,” I said. “You see,” he began, “I am a believer in fate. I believe you do know what you want to change, because I know what you want to change.” His face resumed it’s previous intensity. “You are a man of sin Mr. Miller, a sheep lost to the world, far away from his shepherd. You want so badly to be able to escape what you have done, but no matter how far you run, it’s right behind. You know what I’m speaking of, correct?” he said. “Yes,” I said to the floor. “Then why wouldn’t you choose to change the animal inside of you?” he said. “That wraith in your heart cost you your Abigail. And you say nothing about it.” Panic shook my eyes, blurring my vision. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “But it is okay, child,” he said. I looked back up to see his face had relaxed. The flaming intensity had cooled and melted away. “For fate has guided a lost sheep to a new shepherd. A shepherd who can help this sheep fulfill his destiny.” “I’m sorry, I don’t understand--” “With your expertise in selling and my expertise in healing, we can be a force unlike any seen before,” he said. “My practice, while considerable, is lacking in reach. The few whom I do get to help are not nearly plentiful enough for me to make as grand of a scientific revolution as I hope. I need you, Mr. Miller, to help me bring in more willing patients.” I sat, confused for an eternity. His calmness was comforting, but jarring. The panic had slowed throughout my body, but the nervous patter of my heart stayed consistent. “You want me to help you?” I asked. “Correct,” he said. His dismission of his previous interrogation caused anger to swell in me. “And if I refuse?” I asked. “You and I both know that isn’t an option,” he said. I looked up at the ceiling then back down at my hands, tears welled behind my eyes. “What do you even do here?” I asked. A firm smile lifted his face from its scorn. “Allow me to show you.” He stood and opened the office door. I pulled my body to its feet and followed him out into the hallway. He led us down to the opposite end of the hallway to a door, revealing a lit staircase. “After you,” he said. I trudged down red carpeted steps, scared that he was out of my line of vision. I kept my eyes down on the carpet as I went down. At the bottom there was another door. “Open it,” he said over my shoulder. I pulled it open and stepped into a stone corridor full of doors. The smell of wet rock reeked from all directions, but more powerful was the stinging smell of bleach. He stepped in front of me and we walked to the third room on the left. “This is patient 32. He is doing a clinical trial for a revolutionary new cure to obesity. He is going to help a lot of people.” he said, standing tall in front of the door. He opened the door and an abominable noise tore through the opening. I stepped into the stone walled room where a white silk curtain hid the man from view. Dr. Holmes stood in the doorway as I walked closer to the curtain. I looked back at him and he gave me a small nod of approval. The noise oozing out from behind the curtain cut into my ears, flooding into my veins and throat. I pulled back the curtain to reveal a bald man. In his ears were two white headphones. He thrashed violently against the bed but black leather straps held him in place. The noise heard before came from his mouth which had been fused in parts, leaving blood filled fleshy holes to become the instrument playing this horrific harmony. His face, beaten beyond recognition. Purple, blackened, eyes had been glued shut far too tight, the round shape of eyeballs protruding far out of their sockets. I tried to scream, but nothing was able to escape. I stepped back in horror and saw the machine the tubes shoved into his abdomen were connected to. Each tube was filled with a smoothie of bloody fat being slowly pulled out of his body. A wave of nausea and fear overcame my body and I sprayed vomit onto the floor, my body falling to the wet stone floor soon after. “It’s okay, my child,” Dr. Holmes said as he ran over to me, placing his hand gently against my back. “This is just the ugly part, that man is going to help millions of people all across America! He is a pioneer!” I continued hyperventilating as another powerful expulsion of vomit fell to the floor. “Let’s get you out of here,” he said, dragging my body up off the floor. I fought furiously against him as he carried me to the door. Through blurred vision I saw the man again. I’d never heard a noise like it before, but I knew he was crying. “What the fuck is this place!?” I cried once finally able to catch my breath. “This is the workshop for the future, Mr. Miller. Once we get more patients we will be able to do less tests on one single subject. Currently we only have 33 patients and with testing as revolutionary as this we have to run multiple tests on each subject, but with your help you can relieve some of their burdens and allow more patients to be part of the grand adventure,” he said. I threw a hard elbow back wildly over my head and smashed it into the bridge of his nose. He quickly dropped me and held the broken nose. I scrambled to my feet and ran as hard as I could to the door at the end of the hallway. “MR. MILLER! STOP, YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!” he called from down the hall. I continued pounding my feet against the smooth floor, tearing open the door at the end. I slammed it behind me and ran up the stairs and down to the lobby. “KATHRIN!” I screamed as I slammed through the door. She was startled by the door and looked up from the computer monitor with wide, fearful eyes. “You gotta call the police! That fucking doctor is mangling people! Please you have to call the police,” I pleaded. “Who? Dr. Holmes?” she asked calmly. “Yes! He’s got this guy hooked up into this horrible machine and he fused his fucking mouth shut! You have to call the police right now!” I exclaimed. A polite smile pulled itself onto her face. Her eyes were soft now, the fear disappearing. Smooth waters. “No, those are his patients. Dr. Holmes isn’t mangling anybody, he’s helping them,” she explained. “What are you talking about? He wasn’t helping that guy! He was torturing him for his own sick delusions! Katherin, I’m telling you the truth you have to call the police and get these people help, please!” I pleaded again. She let out a short, sad sigh. “Ya know it’s a real shame. You were really handsome.” She lunged at me and stuck a long syringe into my neck. I pulled back from the sting and clutched my neck. She sat back in her chair and smiled. “What the fuck was that?” I asked fervently. She set the needle down gently against her desk and resumed typing. She looked exactly the same as when I first got there. Blonde bangs were just as swept, her bun was just as perfect, her eyes still as sweet. The same smile on the way out as the way in. She shot me a quick wink as I ran out the door. I ran, crying to my car. I ransacked through my pocket for my keys. I clutched them hard as I started the ignition. I smashed the reverse and tore out of the parking lot. I hyperventilated heavily as I drove down the road. Sweat poured down my face, soaking my collar. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t control my breathing. Each attempt to slow it caused my brain to fade. I struggled hard to keep the car on the road, but I couldn’t risk stopping. Tears filled my eyes as the steering wheel faded from my touch. The tingling numbness crawled underneath my skin toward the rest of my body. Please! Please get a grip, please! The man's face flashed behind my eyes. What kind of monster, would, do, that. The numbness conquered the rest of my body and I let go of the wheel, my head falling back to stare at the red fabric roof. I heard car horns blaring and saw the outside world whip and spin around me. Glass shattered quickly but loudly, the window going from blue, to grey, to black. Wet rock stunk from all around me. I wiggled hard and heard nothing. I felt smooth leather bands holding my body down tight to the bedding. I tried to scream but heard nothing. I felt the vibrations leave my throat, but they stopped behind my lips. I heard nothing. I attempted to open my eyes but my eyelids fought against me. Like big eye-boogers that I couldn’t seem to break through. I pulled hard in every which way, but I couldn’t get free. “Mr. Miller, can you hear me?” a voice said from within my head. I tried to scream again, but I still heard nothing. “Ahh good, it appears you can. Mr. Miller I’m very sorry that it had to come to this. You truly could have worked with me on a building better tomorrow, but, you’re like everyone else. You’re afraid, like a child separated from their mother at the market. You think the groceries are there to hurt you, so you cry out for mother. Mother!? Where are you!? And then your mother would find you and she would tell you that you had nothing to be afraid of, she wasn’t gonna let any of the groceries hurt you. The only problem, Mr. Miller, is that you can no longer receive solace from your mother. You are a man. A man who cannot dispose of his childish fears. You run from them and you get lost. I hoped to be your guiding hand Mr. Miller. I hoped to be the mother you found comfort in. But unfortunately, you bite the outreached hand and choose to return to the life of lost sheep. Well Mr. Miller, I cure those sheep and with God as my witness I will cure you.” A razor sharp screech poured into my head. I screamed until my throat felt it would tear open. I heard nothing. I violently thrashed in the bed as I tried to pull an arm free. The screech scratched the back of my eyes as if trying to break free. I continued to whip and trash until my left arm was free. I grabbed at my ear and felt a smooth plastic headphone. I tried to pull it out and a grinding buzz burrowed into my brain. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you Mr. Miller. Those listening devices are buried deep inside your temporal lobe. If you pull on them too hard you’ll destroy the brain.” Tears bulged out into my eyelids. “Do you remember what I asked you earlier? If you could change one thing about yourself, right here, right now, what would it be? I’m sure you know your answer now.” The screech resumed occupation of my brain. I grabbed the headphone again and pulled hard. The buzz replaced the screech until skin cracking and blood bubbles popping filled my hearing. With all the strength left in me I ripped the long series of wires and chips out from my ear, replacing all noise with a deafening silence. I could feel the wires in my hand but sensed nothing else. Her face was so sad. Not afraid, sad.