text: In a land, not so far from this one, there was a little village. This village was known as waffle-town. In this quiet town lived a fellow named Waffle lad. Waffle lad had lived a happy, albeit boring life up to this point. The world was magical, but you become accustomed to the magic over time. The rivers of maple syrup, the trees that dripped butter for sap. It was wonderful but waffle lad was an adventurous soul. He hungered and yearned for the great unknown. So when waffle lad finished his work, (peanut picking. Very important step in making peanut butter.) he began to wander in a new direction. One his waffle parents wouldn’t be pleased to have him go. Soon enough waffle lad discovered a mysterious cave. One with an unmistakable aroma. Fruit. Strawberries and peaches and oh so many sweets and treats. He impatiently jumped on in, running deeper and deeper into the cave, his waffle flesh heart pounding with excitement. He hadn’t seen real fruit in years! He’d only ever eaten dried fruit, which was good, but it was nothing compared to the lure of dripping fresh fruit flesh. Finally waffle lad found it. Trees upon trees upon trees of apple, peach, lemon. Bushes of berries and lovely sweets of all kind. Waffle lad didn’t know yet, but he wasn’t alone. Pancake Sam was not too far off, observing the intruder with gluttonous and wrathful eyes. Waffle lad couldn’t resist and Gave into his hunger. Eating peaches pit and all. Scarfing entire trees worth of the fresh fresh fruit. However this action would not go unpunished. Pancake Sam had already set a revenge plan into motion. He cast a devilish spell onto the fruit. And with an evil cackle exclaimed “YOU FOOL, YOU HAVE CONSUMED THE CURSED FRUIT OF SAM.” He took a deep breath and sneered, almost joyfully “You will face my wrath” Waffle lad jumped in fear and embarrassment. He covered his fruity covered face and ran out of the cave, hoping to hide and never be seen by pancake Sam again. However the curse had already begun. To punish waffle lad for his gluttony, pancake Sam had cursed the fruit. Any who consume the fruit would have their body swell to unbelievable size, and never be able to consume food again, until eventually they died from asphyxiation or hunger. Waffle lad of course had no idea, and simply carried on his daily life. Boring, but safe. Waffle lad remembered fondly the thrill of adventure and risk as he picked peanuts. He tossed one in his mouth. Technically it was against company code but all his coworkers did it anyway. But then The peanut bounced and fell to the ground. Waffle lad shrugged and chocked it up to bad aim. And this time carefully placed a second peanut into his mouth. The crunch was satisfying. But nothing compared to the soft wet flesh of apple and peach. He longed for the sweetness. “Hey, waffle lad, your lips look a little funny. You ok?” Asked French toast tod. “What?” Exclaimed waffle lad. Waffle lad ran to the nearest bathroom and looked himself in the mirror. Sure enough, his lips had grown puffy and blown up. Like a balloon! Waffle man immediately remembered sam’s threat. “you will face my wrath”. Chills ran down waffle lads fluffy crust. What the hell was he gonna do? The lips were growing as he stood. Then his foot began to feel funny. No. No way. He took a look at his feet. Swollen and deformed. Parts of his body were just swelling up. Like someone was blowing up water balloons under his flesh. waffle man screamed. “MY TAINT. MY TAINT. HE GOT MY TAINT!!!” Waffle lad immediately clocked out and ran to confront pancake sam. There was no way he was gonna get away with this. He was sure. Nobody inflated his taint, or any body part for that matter, without his prior consent! The cave grew closer, and if waffle lad had let his mind focus, and hadn’t let his rage take over, he would have seen the mighty bacon dragon, blending into the cliff face. However waffle lad did not, and sped walked right on into an obvious trap. Thunderous feet crashed behind, and waffle lad saw the bacon dragons head sticking into the hole. There was no way it’s body would fit, however this didn’t stop waffle man from running as fast as waffly possible to hide inside the cave, deeper than the fatty breath of the dragon could get him. Here he was. Yet again in the fruit haven. And on the other end, in a throne that waffle lad hadn’t noticed before, sat pancake Sam. “Well well Well.” Pancake Sam jeered. Pure fire burned in his hateful, petty eyes. “Here you are again. Come to make me reverse the curse?” “Turn me back!! I didn’t know the fruit was yours! I just thought I’d found some free snacks!!!” Waffle lad explained. “I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong!” Pancake Sam cackled his same old cackle. Sending the echo across the room. “You didn’t know? You didn’t know?! How could you not have known??” Pancake Sam accused. “You and your greedy mouth came in here, and didn’t even bother to ask any questions.” Waffle lads dumbfounded look cued pancake Sam to continue. “These fruit. You don’t see anything abnormal? You haven’t seen a fruit in years. Tell me, what does a fruit need to grow?” Asked pancake Sam. “Umm... syrup and cinnamon?” Said waffle man, clearly unsure of his answer. “You idiot. They need water and sunlight. Now tell me, what do you see?” Waffle lad looked around. They were in a cave. Underground. But he could still see. Upon further inspection, waffle lad found vines along the perimeter of the farm, and they were glowing a warm orange. However the warmth soon decayed into a sinister red as pancake Sam stared waffle lad down. “There is no sunlight... or water! Just stone and plants!!” Exclaimed waffle lad “Correct. Now you understand why I punished you.” Pancake Sam laughed as he finished, and leaned back in his throne. “So... will you undo it?” Asked waffle lad. “No” said Sam simply. “Wait why not??” Yelled waffle lad. As the words left his mouth, the stone on the left wall began to chip outward. The smell of meat and fat began to fill the room. “Now that you have been here, you know what I have. And I can’t have you spreading rumors.” Pancake sam’s face stayed flat, other than a tiny uptick in the corner of his lips. “Come my pretty. FEED UPON THE FLESH OF THE INTRUDER.” Screamed pancake Sam. Waffle man immediately sprinted back, but found the cave entrance had been covered with a huge rock. No. No no no no. The bacon dragon dug harder and soon it’s head was visible. A rusted metal chain around this ones neck. It was a different dragon than the one outside. It broke a wing loose and the fatty smell filled the air. And aroma that penetrated everything. A mighty roar ripped its way through the air, causing rocks to shake and waffle lad to fall on his fluffy behind. Waffle lad screamed in terror. Big mistake. The dragons head flung towards his direction. And the wall exploded. The dragons massive form stepped into the open farm area, ducking to not hit its head. It was flapping its wings uncomfortably, clearly trying to readjust the chains binding the creatures neck, and wing claws. The creature had two legs, and two wings. It’s wings had claws that could work as a makeshift pair of legs, but the dragon was clearly meant to fly. It’s tale easily as long as the creatures body. It’s scales oozed with Grease and hardened chunks of cold fat were stuck around the creatures joints. The dragon finally got its bearings and roared another earth quaking explosion. Rocks fell from the roof and Pancake Sam was nowhere to be seen. It was just waffle lad, and a mighty, flesh eating, fat breathing, grease oozing, glistening, meaty monster. “THINK WAFFLE THINK” screamed waffle lad. Immediately the thought popped into his head that maybe he could get out the way Pancake man had. But likely the door was sealed and there was no way. He couldn’t kill the beast. That was obvious. But the gaping hole the creature had made was still there. Only several tens of feet off the floor from where waffle lad stood. The creature was biting at its chains, fat coagulating Into the chain link and locks. It wasn’t paying attention to waffle lad. Just roaring every once in a while. Waffle lad began to move. Slowly making his way across the wall. The dragon watched with eyes like lasers, however it didn’t attack. Or even really seem particularly aggressive. Waffle lad saw the creatures chains went from its neck down its back and into the wall hole. Waffle jumped and grabbed the chain. This pissed off the dragon which immediately went berserk. Throwing waffle lad down to the ground. When his eyes opened the dragon was inches from his face. Fat and grease dripping from its lips. Then waffle of saw something interesting. It looked like a sword in its teeth. In a moment on sheer desperation he grabbed the sword, and pulled against the dragon as it flung its head back. It looked bewildered. Pawing at its face until it realized what had happened. Then the bacon dragon nuzzled him. Waffle lad stood up and pointed towards the hole, and the creature lowered its head. Waffle lad climbed on and the dragon led him in. The dragon was large enough for waffle lad to hide flat on its back without being seen from below. “So the deed is done?” Sounded a familiar voice. Pancake sam. “Get back into your bed. Now.” The dragon slowly sauntered into a giant cage, make of solid steel. “FASTER” screamed pancake Sam and the creature bellowed in pain, almost throwing waffle man off. Electricity cracked through the air, but waffle man could not see below as the dragons wings were far too wide. The dragon fell in, throwing waffle lad down into the corner. But still hidden by the dragons massive body. The door fell shut from above us in the mountain, locking the dragon in. It was a terribly small cage, for the dragon. Just enough room to stand or lay down. But it couldn’t fly or move at all. Rage filled waffle lad. He wasn’t going to get away with this. He was hellbent now on both reversing the curse, and freeing the dragons. He didn’t even care about the fruit any longer. This was unfair and unjust. Waffle lad immediately went into stealth mode, which was hard as waffle lad was now about double his size. Even with his doubled size, the bars were easily two waffles thick. Enough to hold a dragon, but not waffle lad. He followed pancake Sam. Up stairs, left, right, right, left. Straight and bingo. A door with jewels and beautiful (albeit kinda over the top) Designs. The doors opened on their own. Pancake sam wandered in. And waffle man slipped through just as the doors were shutting and hid behind some furniture. Pancake Sam was silent other than the noise made by him pouring himself a glass of syrup. Waffle lad, sword still in hand, crawled carefully around, behind pancake Sam as he sat down to drink his syrup. “Hello waffle lad.” Said pancake Sam. Waffle lad froze “Care for a drink? I’ve got plenty to share.” Offered Pancake Sam. Waffle lad didn’t move a muscle “I know you’re there. You’re gonna put that toothpick across my flesh and attempt to save your little dragon friend. Just come take a seat.” Waffle lad stood slowly, and walked around to a chair to the left of the couch. Fireplace to his left, and pancake Sam to his right. “I’m surprised you managed to befriend her. Her name is delly by the way. In case you were wondering.” Pancake Sam took a sip of his drink. “Do You know who I am?” Waffle man stayed silent. Sword still clutched in hand. “I was once an adventurer like you. But... we are different. Fundamentally. I liked magic and wizardry. You seem to have befriended this creature with no hesitation. You make friends. Allies.” Waffle man wasn’t sure what he was getting at. As if he read his mind, Sam said “my point is, I see myself in you. A different version of me. A reflection, but a shattered and dirty one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to kill you. You never stood a chance.” With a flick of his wrist waffle lads sword flew out of his grip and dipped into the fire. Before waffle man could even get up, the blade was back, an inch away from his face, red hot, and razor sharp. Pancake Sam continued. “However I am interested in you. So I’m going to study you. How you befriended delly so easily. It took me months of shocking her before she submitted to me. And yet within thirty seconds you have her under your grimy palm?” The sword seemed to get hotter, and maybe it was his imagination, but it looked closer. “You hurt them” waffle lad said Pancake Sam gave me a curios look. “You hurt the dragons. That’s why they don’t want to cooperate. You hurt them and they refuse to work for you and undermine you at every opportunity.” Pancake mans face stayed stoic and strong. Nothing moved. Unbreaking, unnerving eye contact. “I helped stop pain, and she was so desperate for a friend that she immediately trusted me” Wether or not this was true, waffle lad had no idea. But the longer he talked the longer he had to think of something. There was a bed, lots of bookshelves and dressers. A chandelier, paintings and art. It was a luxurious room. But nothing he could use to fight back. “Your input is interesting. But I don’t believe you. I think there is something inside. Something like me. Don’t get me wrong, we are far from the same person. But I think you are magical too. And I think it expressis itself in different ways” Waffle lad tried to repress a laugh. “I am deadly serious waffle lad. Most folks would be dead. But not you. You walked to a cave, befriended a dragon, and followed me to my place of residence, with little issue. My curse should have killed you in minutes. Your airway is unaffected. Which honestly threw me for a loop.” Pancake sam stood up. “But I am here to kill you now” Sam grabbed the sword and with a mighty swing.... an explosion? Waffle lad opened his eyes to see a dazed Sam with sword several feet away. The roar was unmistakable. Delly. Waffle lad ran. Booked it as fast as he could, and somehow found his way back to the cage. Delly was clawing at the cage, but the dragon from outside was here too, after ripping a hole through the wall. The other dragon turned to attack but delly roared and it froze in place. Looking at me, then at delly. It seemed to understand and continued clawing at the cell. It was useless. Waffle lad knew the door opened up so he began to lift and lift with all his might. He knew HE couldn’t lift it, but if the dragons caught on, they could. Sure enough the other dragon sniffed and began trying to lift the bars with its nose. Delly followed suit and soon enough she was out. The odds were looking to be in my favor. Delly still had her chain on, and I attempted to remove it, to no success. I heard roars of rage. “WAFFLE LAD I WILL KILL YOU”. Followed by some very comforting explosions and incoherent screaming. Waffle lad made eye contact with the other dragon, who happened to not have chains, and nodded. This was it. Three on one. Pancake Wizard, vs dragons and a waffle. Soon enough the chaotic clammer made it down to the cages and pancake Sam was there. Other than minor bruising he was untouched. But he was literally glowing. Not on fire but.... it must have been magic. Magic that got stronger with rage. Pancake sams eyes were locked onto me, into my soul. “You’re going to die here waffle lad”. Said the pancake. “you are going to die alone, and you’re never going to be found.” He took a step forward, opening his palms and dropping the sword with a light clank. “Nobody will miss you. And I am going to enjoy every minute of therapy I give my dragon friends. They WILL be punished.” Fire began to grow from his palms. “I would ask if you have any last words. But I really don’t care enough” And with that he lunged forward. Fire exploding from behind, and erupting from his palms. Waffle man ducked out of the way and the other dragon blocked the flame with its wings. A guttural roar filled the air, and honestly waffle lad couldn’t tell who it was at first. But when the dragons face became visible, the crispy, crunchy burns became visible. But the dragon wasn’t in pain. It was the closest to a smile the dragon could have with its face structure. The dragon kept taking the blasts, over and over, switching wings and even using its head to protect me. “DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEEEEEEE” cackled the pancake. And then the dragon fought back. It was horrific. The incoherent screaming and gurgling. Liquid searing hot grease and fat, and even fire was shooting from the bacon dragons mouth. And it began to shred pancake Sam. Fluffy bits of burnt flesh and syrup flew into the air, catching fire and evaporating as it touched the dragons crispy and Burnt skin. The swelling lowered immediately. Waffle lad fell to his knees. And the dragon now easily melted the chains off of delly, and began shooting her with fire as well. Apparently dragons needed to be crispy to be healthy. The fat around her joints melted and her skin grew to be sharp and crispy, just like her friends. The dragons shared a quick head nuzzle, and delly lowered her head for waffle lad to climb on. The dragons both knew the way out, and In a matter of minutes they were outside again. Fresh air filled waffle lads fluffy pores. And he held onto delly as she, and her dragon friend took flight. Waffle lad pointed to his house and the dragons headed in that direction after an exchange of roars. As the dragons landed, waffle lad hopped down. No longer swollen and puffed up, Waffle lad jumped to the door. He was a new person. And as waffle lad opened the door, he realized. “I’m not a waffle lad anymore... I’m a u/Waffle-Man.