text: I love this show, the cat chasing that mischievous little mouse around the house all day to no avail. I love visiting these two, just watching their foolishness all day makes a smile cling to my face. The cat has schemed up another ingenious plan to catch the little mouse scoundrel, his affinity for TNT especially evident in this one. It really looks like he is going to have his way this time; the mouse seems to be blinded by his love of cheese as he approaches the trap. He inches cautiously closer to the chee--CLICK. The cat and mouse slowly fade into the black box as I feel the smile gradually lose grip of my face before evaporating into the air. I turn around and see her towering above me, control in hand. “Go to your room” she grunts. I know the drill; I shuffle up the stairs to my door. My door, like everything else in this house has needed repair for years. After using every bit of strength my 11 year old body could muster, I finally get into my room and collapse onto the bed. Bed. If you can even call this pile of dirty clothes and newspaper that. I lay face up staring at the ceiling, trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep, kept up by the loud music and voices coming from downstairs. I hear the sound of glass breaking, followed by an argument full of feet stomping and slurred words. A door slams shut and the normal noises continue. My stomach roars at me, demanding nutrients. I glance down at the patch of bruised flesh on my right arm, reminding myself that I know better than to go ask for some. After all, I did just eat yesterday. To divert my mind, I think back to a movie I had watched earlier that day. It was about a married couple who had just got a divorce and were fighting over who got to keep their only daughter. At first I thought the fight was over who got to be free from taking care of this child. But no, these two were fighting passionately, WANTING to be with this girl. It was such a foreign concept to me, living with a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. From what I gathered through my observations of TV and the outside world, a mother’s love for her son is the strongest there is. I wracked my brain, searching for a reason for why this didn’t seem to be the case with me. Was I ugly? Stupid? Maybe I misbehave too much. After what seemed like hours, my mind finally zeroed in on a conversation I had overheard between my mother and grandmother a few years back. I was as usual, having my daily play date with the cat and mouse. The cat had cleverly placed a pile of dynamite strategically under a generous portion of cheese; a fool-proof plan to be rid of his rival once and for all. Not to be fooled, the mouse slyly takes one of the dynamite sticks and sneaks around to put it right behind where the cat is hiding. The cat, who is waiting excitedly to see his cheddar borne explosive find its victim, is completely oblivious to the turn of events. A match, which matches the mouse in size, is lit and the ember starts the fuse. Just as the fuse is running out, I hear my name being mentioned by raised voices. Without turning around, I perked my ears and heard my mother say under her breath “I can’t believe you stopped me from aborting him”. My grandmother’s voice was shaky now, “It is not God’s will” she said. Not fully understanding the words being spoken, I caught up with my friends the cat and mouse, who were now frantically running circles in the house. I had never thought very much, or even understood the conversation until now. We learned a new word in school today, abort. To stop, end, cancel or halt. In her examples the teacher referred to space missions or military operations, but to abort a person? I wasn’t quite sure how it could be applied. There lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, I made the realization that I had made many times before; she never wanted to bring me into this world. My life is a mistake. Everything I have done, my accomplishments, my feelings, aspirations; just one big mistake. So with tears rolling down my check, I place two musty socks over my ears and let the muffled bass of the music cradle me to sleep, knowing that tomorrow I’ll at least be able to visit that wonderful house with the cat and the mouse.