text: Dear B, I remember the first time I saw you in our apartment while you were putting your chair together in our living room and I couldnt help but think to myself what an attractive guy you were. Such a warm cute smile, thick dark eyebrows, dirty blonde hair, tall athletic figure and the most beautiful blue eyes; the kind that make you nervous to look at because they’re just so intense. I remember how shy you were and how out of place you seemed being in such a different environment from your hometown. Your voice intrigued me as I was curious to know the story behind your inability to pronounce rhotic r’s. I couldn’t wait to get to know you better as I had so many questions. Our upbringings were so different yet somehow we ended up living together under the same roof and that intrigued me. You were so kind and genuine with not just me but everyone around you that I knew we would be great friends from the beginning. As the school year progressed some of the best time of my week were the times that I spent with you. I would look forward to coming home just to see that little smile of yours and to be greeted with your warm hello. And when you weren’t home when I came back from class your comfy bed would make me feel closer to you even though you weren’t there. I remembered how much I wished that you weren’t straight and how much I resented the feelings of attraction that I had for you especially since you had a girlfriend. However I wanted you to be happy above all else which is why I would go out of my way to make the time that you had with her special. I longed for what she had but I knew that I couldn’t have you but at least I could be your friend. Although those feelings persisted for almost the whole year we lived together with varying degrees of infatuation I never seriously considered that it was something that I should act upon. However the way I felt about you completely changed the weekend that you came to visit me at my home and we had the place to ourselves. Perhaps it was the alcohol or drugs but it was in that intoxicated blur of a weekend that I realized that I truly cared and loved you. You made me feel safe and comforted and I wanted our time together to be infinite. When we were together that weekend I felt bliss. And I can vividly remember that Friday night where we professed our (unfortunately) platonic love for each other and how happy I was to have you in my life. I wish I could’ve kissed you in that moment... but you wouldn’t have liked it so I kept my feelings to myself. When you left to go home that Monday I felt empty, like a part of me was missing and I missed you so much that I had to go bike to my friends house and rant about you and these conflicting feelings I was having. After some contemplation and once I had collected my thoughts a bit better I was able to come to the conclusion that it was never meant to be and it was better left as something to ignore.