text: Anika was an intelligent, empathetic and amiable counselling psychologist in her early thirties. She was well versed in her subject, however she was still fairly young in her occupation. She gave a keen ear to her patients and was extremely compassionate and understanding. All her patients loved her and were extremely happy with her. One day a new patient walked into the small cabin of hers. She was tall and slender. Her black hair was long and luscious. Her eyes were the colour of chocolate, dark brown and her skin fair. She sat down on the chair at Anika's table with a slight plump. "Are you familiar with the trolley problem?," the woman said, a little breathlessly. The trolley problem is a series of thought experiments in ethics and psychology, involving stylized ethical dilemmas of whether to sacrifice one person to save a larger number. The series usually begins with a scenario in which a trolley is on course to collide with and kill a number of people (traditionally five) down the track, but a driver or bystander can intervene and divert the vehicle to kill just one person on a different track. Anika replied, "Yes I am. May I atleast know who you are?" She asked, with a hint of amusement in her voice. "Oh right, I am extremely sorry. Where are my manners?" the patient let out a small embarrassed laugh. "My name is Clara. I booked an appointment with you at 6:00 p.m. Your receptionist let me in." "Yes, I have your name here in my register. This seems like your first time here." "And my last. I am not here for therapy, I'm here just for a little chat." "That's what a lot of my patients say," said Anika and gave a small charming smile. "So what exactly are you here to talk about?" asked Anika. Clara sat with her hands on her lap, occassionally fiddling with her fingers. She thrummed her feet rhythmically against the tiled floor. She avoided looking directly at Anika, "I think it is completely acceptable to sacrifice one person to save the other five." Anika's soft expression did not change. With a smile she spoke, "You are in the clear majority then. Ninety percent of people are willing to risk the life of a person to save five other people." Clara stopped tapping her feet against the floor and looked straight at Anika. "I want you to tell me I am a good person. That to choose to take matters into my own hands makes me a hero." Anika placed her palms on the table. Carefully she began saying her next words, "You are still killing a person. Does that really make you good?" Clara spoke again, measured, calm, as though she had had this debate a hundred times before. "I am saving the lives of five people. In a general sense, of course it makes me a hero." "A hero would be someone who saves all six people." "But in this case, it is impossible. A hero in this scenario would be someone who takes matters into their own hands. Who refuses to let five people die because they are a coward. A hero is someone who takes action." Clara in her excitement of explaining herself, had slid towards the edge of her seat. Anika took a sheet of paper from the first drawer of her table, with only her name, qualifications and mobile number printed on the top right corner of it. She took a pen from the pen stand and wrote down, 'egotism' on the sheet of paper. Then Anika explained, "You refuse to listen to anyone and you believe your opinions are the only right ones on a certain matter. This points towards egotism, a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder." Clara reached across the table and snatched the paper from below Anika's hand. She balled it up and threw it in the dustbin at the corner of the room. "As I said before, I am not here for therapy. I am here for a nice one on one chat. To discuss ethics and morals." She continued, "Secondly if I was a narcissist, do you think I would be having a debate with you here? Wouldn't I be near a little pond somewhere, staring at my lovely reflection?" She chuckled a little at her own joke. "Tell me I am a good person Anika. The faster you tell me, the faster I leave this room and earlier the day ends for you." Anika placed the pen back in the pen stand. Excessive need for admiration, Anika added to her mental list of symptoms of her patient. Grandiosity. Callousness. "The blood of a person lies on your hands Clara. Do you still think you are good?" Anika asked rhetorically. "Let me frame the trolley problem in another way. Suppose the single person on the track is someone you are interested in romantically, would you still pull the lever?" Clara smirked, "You would look excellent tied up." Anika blushed at Clara's innuendo and forwardness. "But alas, I would not hesitate to save the others." Anika was on the edge of her seat too now, gesticulating calmly, enunciating her every word with a hand movement. "And what if it was a family member, a relative?" "For a psychologist you should know how dysfunctional families can be. I would let the trolley run over them even if there was no one to save." Anika sat back in her chair taking a deep breath and trying to relax wholly. Clara looked triumphant at rendering Anika speechless. She rested her legs on Anika's table and Anika desperately wanted to swat her legs off the table. She gritted her teeth and tried not to be perturbed. "I cannot call you a good or bad person Clara. The whole purpose of this experiment is to be difficult and unable to judge what is right or wrong." "Bullshit!" Clara exclaimed. "How is being a bystander as good as being a switch? They do nothing and I make an informed decision to save five people. I am a good person Anika." Anika stared at her with amusement, "Why do you need me to tell you that you are a good person?" She already knew. Excessive need for admiration. A classic symptom of NPD. "Because you psychologists are weird. Your brain one day decides that it wants to learn its own functioning and behaviour. No sane person would want to become a psychologist. Anyone of us level-headed persons tries to ignore our mind and drown out our thoughts. Usually in the good old fashioned way, by kicking back and drinking a bit of alcohol. Clara pointed accusingly at Anika and continued, "You who considers yourself so grand. Telling people what to do and not to do, what is right and wrong. Thinking you are so much better than everyone. You who tries to exercise power over people, pretending to be God, I want you to be morally upright for once. All this grandiosity and yet you do not know what is correct, what is just." How ironic , thought Anika. Clearly projecting. Yet a sliver of anger burgeoned from beneath her generally calm exterior. All these false accusations clearly were getting to her. Anika looked at the clock on her table. It was already quarter to seven. She had to hurry up and finish this session, move on with the next patient scheduled for seven. Her visiting hours were till eight o'clock in the evening. The day had been a long one. She loved her job, truly. But knowing a person, understanding the machinations of their mind and giving an unbiased, beneficial opinion was difficult and sometimes even depressing. In times like these, people like Clara helped. To be able to speak freely from one's mind, without much thought or ado was relaxing. Even if Clara was a particularly frustrating person. Anika said, "My job isn't to play God. It isn't to tell people what is morally right or wrong. It is to guide people on the path that is best for them, that is least harmful for them." Clara looked at her wristwatch, stood up and unexpectedly walked towards the door. Anika called out to her. "Tell me the truth Clara. Why did you come to this session?" Clara paused at the door. She smiled condescendingly at Anika and said, "You cannot tell me I am a good person because you would be lying to yourself. Neither can you tell me that I am a bad person because this experiment is an ethical dilemma and it would be counterproductive to the reason I came here today. You are still young in your trade and even though you want to dissociate yourself from the failures you suffer in your profession, you still haven't learnt to do so. Thus you are still left with guilt for being unhelpful to your clients. But regardless of whatever mind games you play with me, I would walk away satisfied because you would not be able to change my opinion on the trolley problem. I would still think I am a hero for saving the five lives."