text: My life started like a fairytale--and by that, I mean I was fucked over by fairies. Apparently, a long-lost ancestor did something helpful to some fairy sometime ago, and the fairies chose my birth as the moment to pay my family back for my ancestor’s kindness. The fairy chose a gift to supposedly bless me with, no matter how much my parents begged them to reconsider. I can see the conversation happening in my head like it was only yesterday. “I, a great and completely superior fairy being, have decided to bless your newborn child with a gift that is so undeniably wonderful that you all will be singing my praises for the rest of your small, mortal lives,” the fairy probably said at some point. “Your daughter will have the gift of being completely and totally irresistible. Everyone and everything will find her to be the most interesting and appealing creature they ever saw and this in no way will totally screw up her sad, little life!” If my life was a movie, the narrator would chime in with “What could possibly go wrong?!” My parents, bless them, did not know how to handle everything that came with a daughter who was irresistible. They tried, for sure. When I was picked on and kissed by literally every child in my preschool class and the teacher aid tried to kidnap me, my parents realized this was going to be a problem. I was homeschooled, and I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. I grew up without friends or seeing other family members because we couldn’t trust them to not fall under my spell. To save everyone some grief, I left home as soon as I was able to go and live in the middle of nowhere, Location Redacted. I wish I could say moving away from people fixed all my problems, but it didn’t. While I was successful in getting away from other people, my new location brought forth a new audience to avoid. \-- “I can see you,” I rolled my eyes and tossed some salt over my shoulder. The telltale human-shaped outline flashed before disappearing completely. I didn’t look up from my book. “Eden,” a tentative voice pipped. The air shimmered and a tall, lanky boy sat a heavy stare where the specter had once been. “That ghost has been getting closer and closer to you over the last few weeks. I think we should take another look at the runes on the fence.” “What’s a ghost gonna do, Mael?” I glanced up from my book and rolled my eyes. “Possess me? Jokes on him, then he would have to deal with all this shit.” Mael pursed his lips and reappeared on the other side of my armchair. “You and both know ghosts aren’t a big deal.” I was far more unnerved at the thought of not being able to finish my book in peace. “Come on, please? You know I can’t leave the cabin. Can you please check the runes are still intact? I can try to fix them if the sigils have worn off. It’s been, what, ten years since I was alive and placed them there?’ “Probably closer to twenty. You looked super dead when I got here.” I added as I turned back to my book. “Come on, Eden, this is serious. That ghost got too close for comfort.” I rolled my eyes. For the spirit of a witch bound to his former home, Mael was more overprotective than my own mother. “Fine, I will go get some food from the garden and I will check the runes while I do that, okay? It’s not a big deal though, ghosts are easy enough to get rid of.” I appreciated Mael letting me use his home now that he was dead. When I stumbled upon the small cabin in the woods, I knew it had to be cursed. Despite that, it was my only option, so I pressed on. I was surprised to find the spirit of the former owner still in the house, but Mael was pretty useful. He knew all sorts of stuff about the supernatural creatures that wandered around the woods and he was pretty handy at making runes and creating poisons and medicines. It was the first time I was grateful for my curse--instead of horrendously murdering me for disturbing his eternal slumber, Mael now acted like my bodyguard, or like an annoying big brother. And, best yet, he couldn’t follow me when I left the cabin, so I could easily escape his nagging by going into the garden that surrounded the cabin within the fence. I pulled on my oversized gardening boots and grabbed my basket of gardening supplies and walked out the door. The sun was starting its descent from the sky. I fingered the iron nail I wore around my neck, it wasn’t nightfall just yet, but things did get a bit more restless around here when the sun went down. I set to work on picking dinner for the evening. I didn’t often leave the confines of the small fence surrounding the cabin, so I relied on the fruits and vegetables Mael had planted during his life. Sometimes, a few of the werewolves who roamed the woods would bring me some of their smaller game or the occasional grocery store essentials but I tried to dissuade that kind of behavior as much as possible. “Good evening,” a smooth voice called from the treeline a stone’s throw away. I stopped in the middle of picking a carrot and sighed. Here we go again. I didn’t bother standing up from the dirt as the umbrella-wielding man approached the fence. His pale skin and dim glowing eyes gave him away immediately. “Let me guess, you aren’t a vampire and are totally just lost in the woods and need to come inside for some reason. Or, better yet, you have been creepily watching me for who-knows-how-long while I slept and now you are here because you are in love with me and *totally* won’t eat me.*”* I rolled my eyes and went back to the carrots. “Why I am wounded!” he feigned. I could feel his piercing eyes burrowing into my back as he watched me. “It sounds like my brothers have been unkind to you, sweet darling.” One thing I learned about vampires is they always blame each other for their bad reputation, and, for some reason, they always call their victims by nauseating pet names. I looked up at him and blinked my eyelashes. I stood from the dirt, content with what I picked from the night, and sauntered slowly toward the fence. He audibly gulped. “Oh, you have no idea. Some of those mean, ol’ vampires came here not long ago. They--they said they just needed some help and I couldn’t just turn them all away.” His eyes were even brighter up close, and they are carefully watching my throat as I spoke. “But, wouldn’t you know it, they tricked me. As soon as my back was turned--” I bit down dramatically on my own teeth and he jumped. “They took a big bite right out of me.” To prove my point, I pulled the collar of my tee-shirt down to reveal a mess of scarred flesh on my shoulder. The vampire stilled, his glowing orange eyes were transfixed on the newly exposed flesh. He was so easy to read. I held by the urge to roll my eyes. “You know,” he jumped when I spoke again and smoothed out my collar. “You should really be more concerned with what happened to the guy who took a chomp out of me. As I’m sure you have noticed, my blood smells--and tastes--irresistible. Do you really think they would have stopped by choice?” He was leaning in so far, his hands were propped up by the invisible barrier that bound him outside my fence line. I thought I even saw some drool pooling out from his lips. They never did listen. I also didn’t tell him the other vampire got garlic poisoning because I had just eaten a whole loaf of garlic bread. “Hey!” a voice suddenly shouted. “Get away from her!” In a flash, the vampire was gone, his umbrella was abandoned on the ground assuming so it wouldn’t slow him down in his retreat. A second later, a flash of brown and black barreled past my fence and howled. The creature stopped in his run and trotted back to my fence, transforming from his lycanthrope form to his human one. His yellow eyes lit up when he got closer and he started to run his hands through his messy black hair. “Hello, Garret.” I returned to my basket, now full of carrots and a small potato for my supper, and finished brushing the dirt from my knees. “Man, that was close! I am glad I caught a whiff of that guy when I did! I don’t even want to imagine what could have happened to you if I wasn’t here to help, Eden!” I tried to smile at the young werewolf as he beamed at me from my fence, but I am sure it resembled more of an exhausted snarl. “You are so right, I would have obviously been eaten alive if it wasn’t for you.” “Right? You are so lucky I am so close by. I sometimes swing by this way, you know, just to check on you, and I am so glad I did today.” Garret couldn’t have been more than fifteen or sixteen. He was a kid so I tried to not hold his behavior against him too much. Besides, Garret was one of the wolves who brought me fresh meat when there were leftovers, so he wasn’t all bad. He was, however, a talker. I didn’t want to stand there as he monologued at me so I quickly wished him a good evening and retreated back inside. Mael was nowhere to be seen when I walked back inside. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear for a while, so I set to work on cooking my dinner. When I sat down and finally picked my book back up, I remembered why I had gone outside in the first place--I didn’t check the runes on the fence. It was already dark outside by the time I realized, so I frowned and shrugged it off. One more day would be fine--I had just salted the peeping-tom ghost anyways. I had to fight to keep my eyes open as I read on in my book. I had just gotten to the part of the story where the protagonist ignored her instincts to run when she had the chance, the antagonist was sure to make an appearance... I woke up to a pounding headache. My hand reached up to touch my forehead, but I couldn’t move it. Slowly, the world came back into focus. I wasn’t in my living room anymore. I was outside, surrounded by trees and darkness sitting alone my own table covered in sugary sweets. One of my hands was tied to my seat. I swore loudly as I tried to remove the rope from around my wrist with my non-dominant hand and failed. “Good morning!” a voice chirped. I stopped struggling with the rope and let my head fall to the table. This couldn’t be happening, it was laughable. A young specter materialized, his face full of mirth as he spirited around me. “You’re finally awake! It’s very rude to fall asleep at the table, you know!” His grin was unnerving. It was too wide for his thin face. The ghost couldn’t have been more than a young adult when he died, but his clothes gave away his age. No one wore suits styled like his for the last several decades, at least. “Okay, you caught me. What do you want? To have a tea party? How did you get all of this from my cabin?” I paused, my eyes raking over the small cakes on the table. This son-of-a-bitch used up all my flour and sugar to make this shit, didn’t he?! I turned furious eyes on him. “Well, it wasn’t easy!” he laughed, then his eyes narrowed and his voice rumbled cooly, “You know, you aren’t very strong.” His countenance returned to his sickenly sweet smile and she pushed his ghostly hands through some of the cakes on the table. “I just want to have a little party with you! You see, I think it’s about time for my birthday and I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. You aren’t an easy girl to get ahold of, you know.” I frowned. I didn’t want to ask it, but I did: “Why do you want me to celebrate your birthday with you? I have salted you out of my life more times than I can count.” Take the hint, seriously. “Let me guess...” “You are so beautiful, you are captivating!” he finished for me. “Your skin looks so soft and those freckles are just adorable.” Of course, people who don’t have freckles always think they are so interesting. “And your hair is so thick and luscious.” I wash it, like, maybe once every three weeks. “And your eyes. Your eyes are the most beautiful. They are bright and the color is just so strange and captivating.” My eyes are hazel. Just hazel. It was always interesting to hear how others saw me as a glamorized version of what I actually was. “Thanks.” I reached unceremoniously for the iron nail on my necklace and pulled it off. “But, you should probably go back to Hell or whatever you spawned from and leave me alone. I am not interested in playing house with you.” His eyes fixed onto the iron in my hand. Surprise flashed across his eyes for just a moment before he disappeared and immediately reappeared behind me. He placed his hands on my temples and pushed them inside my skull. My skin didn’t offer him any resistance. My body involuntarily convulsed, my tied wrist twisted and thrashed against the bindings and the nail fell from my hand only to be kicked away by my own traitorous feet. I gasped for breath when my body finally started to still and the ghost was once again in front of me, looking with renewed interest at the table. “Which cake should you eat first?” He didn’t acknowledge the pain he inflicted on me. The sparkle in his eyes said he probably enjoyed it. “If I celebrate your birthday with you, you’ll leave me alone, right?” I said. He smiled and got far too close to my face. “Yes! In fact, just try a piece of cake! It has been so long since I have eaten anything and cake was always my favorite when I was alive. If you eat just a bite, I promise to let you untie yourself so you can go.” I glared. This was obviously a trap, but I was out of options. Mael couldn’t help me and I couldn’t rely on Garret to come bounding up this time either. Did ghosts even have a scent? It seemed unlikely. “Fine. I will have a bite of your cake and then I am going to go home. We have a deal.” It was fine. I was always fine. The god of luck also seemed to find me irresistible. I picked up the fork set in front of me and the ghost’s eyes watched my every move. Slowly, I reached for the cake closest to me and took the smallest bite I could manage. The cake wasn’t very sweet and it was certainly burned, but I continued to chew. When I swallowed, I made a big show of it and then reached with the fork to the rope around my wrist. The ghost watched me, remaining eerily silent as I finally broke through the rope and flexed my sore wrist. I coughed as soon as I stood, and the ghost burst into laughter. I coughed again, this time doubling over and retching on the ground. I stumbled and tried to stand, but I instead fell to my knees grasping my stomach as a stabbing pain shot through me. Of course, he fucking poisoned the cake. Jackass. “Oh, sweet girl, don’t move so much. It will be over soon.” the ghost was grinning down at me like a madman. I guess ghosts were more dangerous than I had originally given them credit for. “I was hoping you would pick that one--it looked like the most fun according to all those scribbles that witch boy left.” I coughed again, this time blood splurted out and fell from my chin to the ground. “We are going to have so much fun, honestly. You and me, together for all eternity. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” There was no way I was gonna let myself die at the hands of a motherfucking ghost and some shitty, poisoned cake. I crawled, one arm still firmly grasping my stomach that felt like hot lead. “It’s no use,” he smiled, getting too close to my face again. “You’re already dying.” I coughed again, this time hacking up blood in his ghostly face. He jumped backward, probably a habit from his life, and glared. It was then I saw the iron nail on the ground. I could just barely reach it when he realized what I was doing, but it was too late. I turned with all my might and slashed through his spectral form. While salt was effective at banishing ghosts for a short while, iron was like a lock to keep them from coming back to our side. It would be a good long while before he would be able to come back. Not that it would do me much good. I couched again. More blood. “I thought that bastard would never leave.” A familiar, smooth voice said from the darkness. I tried to scramble to my feet but faceplanted in my own blood instead. “You smell...” he paused and took a deep, satisfying breath. “Delicious.” I hate vampires so much. The vampire from earlier blurred towards me as I coughed again, he stopped just short of running into me. He regarded me with his reflective eyes as his smile slowly fell. “What did he do to you? I can’t drink this. It’s ruined.” He wrinkled his nose as though my wasted blood was the most offensive joke he had ever heard. “No. Stop it.” I wanted to quip back that I was in no way able to cure myself from whatever afflicted me, but all that came out was the taste of iron on my tongue. Next thing I knew, I was being lifted from the ground and thrown over a shoulder before being sped away. I was suddenly thrown hard to the ground, in my weariness I could just make out the light from my cabin’s windows. Shakily, I turned and saw Garett snarling at the vampire who was looking from me to my cabin to Garett and then back again. After another bout of coughing up my own blood, I crawled into the dirt and pulled myself forward as best I could. “You idiot!” I heard vaguely behind me. I didn’t bother trying to identify the voice. “I am saving her!” “No!” The other growled. “I am saving her!” I tuned them out completely after that and focused my efforts and pathetically crawling my way to the front door. Everything was spinning and I felt just so cold and tired, but I kept on as my entrails tried to work their way to the outside. A sudden, knife-sharp pain bit into me--it felt like I was drowning in my own lungs. Something crashed into my fence behind me, but the world had already gone black. I woke up gasping and thrashing with horrible pressure pushing down on my chest. I was inside the cabin and Mael was leaning over me with misty eyes. “She’s awake!” He bellowed suddenly and disappeared. Somewhere behind me bottles started to rumble and clatter together. Garett was over me, his hands were pressing down on my chest and his face was dripping in blood, my blood I suddenly realized. I twisted to my side and pushed his hands away from me just as Mael reappeared with a vial of something bubbling. Garret instantly forced my head back and stuck the glass vial between my lips as Mael paced beside us. I spluttered out some of the liquid when I was overwhelmed by it, but Garret only forced me to drink until it was gone. “If you hold her head like that, you are going to rip it off! Gentle!” A voice called from beyond my garden fence. The whole gang was here to watch me pathetically almost die because of a pathetic ghost. Fuck my life. I tried to push Garett off of me again, but he held steady. “I am going to put you in your bed now,” he stated and he moved to pick me up. “Don’t do that, idiot. She is covered in her own blood and dirt! Clean her off first!” Mael materialized at my side and growled, “You won’t be touching her like that.” “Well, you can’t touch her at all!” Garett spat back. “I’ll touch her!” “No!” Mael and Garett both roared. I just wanted some peace and quiet. They were too loud. I pushed myself up and shakily attempted to stand. When I almost fell, I held tight to my armchair for balance, ignoring Garett has he reached for me. “I can fucking clean myself up. Everybody, get the fuck out of my house.” Garett frowned but nodded his assent before walking to the door and shutting it behind him. I didn’t hear footsteps leading away, so I guessed he was still outside on the step. I turned to Mael. “Help me pack a bag. Tonight.” “What? But you aren’t in any condition to leave. Where would you even go?!” “Honestly? I need to punch a fucking fairy in her stupid, fucking face.