text: Ah, I guess I died. It wasn’t a fantastic death, but that’s all I know. I find myself in a small wooden boat. The sky is a bright blue and the water is glass smooth. I feel the rock of the boat as I look up into the ever expanding atmosphere. There aren't any clouds. There isn’t a sun, but it is very bright. Not so bright to hurt my eyes or- whatever I’m using to see right now. As I give it a second thought, I’m not really seeing anything at the moment. It’s more the idea of these concepts. I can see the idea of water, sky and a boat. I ran my fingers over the water and I can feel that it’s cold. I’ve just noticed something; there is another person in the boat with me. It’s a cloaked figure. Well, the idea of a cloaked figure I mean. It’s a brown cloak, or a blue cloak? I can see it if I focus hard enough. The figure turns to me and I can feel a warm smile behind the shadows of its form. The boat slowly sinks into the water. I can feel the metal like cold rush up my body as we sink deeper. I hold my breath out of instinct, but I don’t have any lungs to breathe with. It feels very strange to want to take a deep breath with nowhere for the air to go. As we drift deeper, I can see the light filter through the still water. It looks dusty and soft. I want to reach out and touch it, like a cobweb. But how does one touch light? Regardless, I reach out and the light clings to my fingers. It’s slick and so soft. I rub the light between my fingers and it dissolves into nothing. We have been sinking for such a long time. I haven’t seen a single fish or anything that is supposed to be in the ocean. I can assume that I am indeed a spirit of myself, or something similar. It has gotten very cold in the depths, and I shiver. The cloaked figure turns to me and scooches closer, wrapping me in its fabric. It is so warm and soft, I dig my forehead deep into the folds and find a great deal of comfort. It seems we have reached the bottom of this ocean. It’s very dark, even my non-eyes can’t see anything. The dark figure leads me off the boat. I can feel the soft sand under my feet. There is a beating current around me. I can feel my being sway back and forth, like the gentle pull of the waves lapping on shore. The rocking sensation is very soothing and I feel a deep peace within my core. Ever so slowly, I start to see light manifesting. At first, it was a thin line of silver thread. This thread thickened and soon spread out like a funnel. I can now see the outlines of things flowing down in a spiral. As I focus harder, I can see that it is- a bunch of animals? Cows, foxes, rats and bunnies. Large ox and their babies. All spiraling down in a rhythmic swirl. They seem to be dancing down into a large chasm. I tip my toes next to the opening of this hole. It goes down and down, for as far as I can conceive infinity. All of these animals are dancing down into a large, unending gap in the ocean floor. I can sense that these are the spirits of animals, just like me. I see vultures circling above the hole as they too drift deeper and deeper. It seems that even in death, the hardwiring of these animals is too strong for them to ignore. I can see many other boats dropping off what seems like other people. I watch in awe as these small, warm spirits hug their ferrymen and jump into the pit. They, too, dance into the spiral slipstream of animals. Dipping and bobbing with the beat of an unheard drum. I can feel their hopes and dreams unstitch from their souls as they slip down. I look back at my own ferryman, and he sits there in the boat patiently. I can sense that he is giving me the chance to be ready to jump, but I’m not ready. I’m not ready to move on. I have so much more in my life that I can do. I have so much more love to spill into the world. I have so much more to give of myself. I never worried myself with these thoughts when I was alive, and maybe I should have. But is this what it’s all about? Are we supposed to worry about everything our whole lives only to find out it’s never enough? I am a bit overwhelmed by all of these other people’s emotions. It’s freeing and crushing and so sad and hopeful and loving and hateful. It’s painful. And It’s so beautiful. I want to be beautiful and free of my worries now. I look over again to my ferryman and nod. He walks over slowly and hugs me deeply. I fall backwards into the tornado of the aftermath of life. Nobody else can see us share our burden. Inside this deep pit together, we are all swaying to the music of death. I can hear the drums and my spirit dances. I can feel my death wash over all my mistakes. The warming spiral gives room for my memories to fall apart. In this world or in the next, there is nowhere else I can be. I can feel the weaving of my soul join the others in the great cosmos of light. The last thought I have in this agonizing moment Is.... A̸u̸i̴ ̴a̶a̶ ̸u̵h̴m̸,̶ ̵a̸r̵u̶ ̶a̵ ̶a̷r̸q̴....