text: You walk through the doors, knowing it's going to be a bad night. The music's too loud and there are too many people. Everybody mindlessly dryhumping each other and with enough chemicals in them to think it's fun. You're not even sure why you came, your friends said you had to get out of the house for a while. They were "worried about you". Apparently it's possible in todays society to spend too much time alone. Even before everything happened you were a solitary man. Not awkward as such, you just happen to prefer your own company most of the time. There was talk of autism in school, borderline personality disorder, major depression. The list goes on, even to this day. Your friends herd you over to the bar offering a night of cost free ablution or if not ablution, then at least forgetting. Do you want to forget? Could you live without the memories? Would you be the same? You cheers the group, forcing a smile onto your face. Pulling out another mask to hide behind. The one used most often. "Happy" They take turns buying you drinks, trying to get you involved in a few little jokes. You can always make them laugh without trying. They seem to think this means you're brightening up. You do nothing to dispel this illusion. It's loud here. You're uncomfortable but the mask makes it easy to hide. Plus the affects of the alcohol are becoming stronger, perhaps it's time for a cigarette? Outside now. The air is crisp and you can see your breath after the smoke has left your lungs. This amuses you for some reason and for a split second a real smile shows through. Footsteps in the alley behind you. You turn. You don't know this man who is standing so close to you. He looks upset. You feel a warmth in your stomach. Perhaps this man is known to you after all. He turns his back on you. You feel cold. Your hand goes to your stomach. Your head tilts downwards. You stumble back, leaning against the wall. Slide.