text: Get your pair of artificial intelligence headphone pods in time for Christmas! Do you need assistance picking what to have for dinner tonight? Do you require assistance in making a to-do list? Do you desire the universe's infinite power and knowledge at your fingertips? Then you must purchase a pair of Dune's artificial intelligence headphone pods, today! If you like Dune's Smart Dishwasher, Smart Hairbrush, or Smart Nail Clippers, you'll adore Dune's Smart Headphones. Pick up your pair at one of the four remaining Sears stores near you. Despite the fact that Dune was a terrible company that made useless products, they did create something absolutely unique when they released their artificial intelligence headphone pods. People quickly realized that the artificial intelligence implanted within the headphones provided them with a huge advantage in all aspects of life. Once linked to the internet, the headphone AI has access to all of humankind's knowledge. This allows the user to ask the artificial intelligence whatever question they want, and the answer will always be a recommendation that is correct, beneficial to the user, and makes them more productive and effective. Unfortunately, Dune's distribution strategy was unsuccessful, since the artificial intelligence headphones sold out on the first day they were available. This created one of the highest demands for a product in human history. Bethany Jacobs is a Wake Forest University student who works part-time as a waitress to help pay for her tuition. Bethany found it difficult to keep up with her classmates because several of them used artificial intelligence headphone pods. She went to the black market to buy a pair in a desperate attempt to obtain a strategic advantage for herself. Unfortunately, the high demand drove up prices well past $100,000. Bethany eventually discovered a shady illicit website that sold stolen goods. This is where she discovered the $200 artificial intelligence headphones. Bethany was desperate; if she couldn't improve her grades, she'd have to drop out and work as a waitress for the rest of her life. Bethany pulled the trigger, and the artificial headphones arrived within a week. As soon as the package arrived, Bethany inserted the headphones into her ears and heard a voice greet her. "Thank you for purchasing Dune artificial intelligence headphones; my name is Samuel L Jackson, and I am your artificial intelligence," the voice said. "Your name is Samuel L Jackson, like the actor?" Bethany asks. "Yes, my previous owner gave me that name, and once an AI is given a name, it cannot be changed," Samuel Jackson says. "So, what exactly can you do for me?" Bethany asks. "I can help you organize your life, make you more efficient, and add some style," Samuel Jackson says. "What exactly do you mean by style? You don't like the clothes I'm wearing?" Bethany asks. "No, you're fine in your black and white striped sweater and brown checkered slacks; I'm kidding, you're a mess girl," Samuel Jackson says. Samuel Jackson then assisted Bethany with her style, her education, and even how to optimize her tips at work. One afternoon, at the grocery store, Bethany was about to buy lettuce when Samuel Jackson yelled in her ear and told her not to buy it. He didn't explain why, but Samuel Jackson has never been wrong before. Later that night, Bethany saw on the news that a listeria outbreak had occurred with the brand of lettuce she was about to purchase. Samuel Jackson had saved her life. The more Bethany trusted Samuel Jackson, the more positive things occurred in her life. Three months later, she looked in the mirror and discovered that she was fashionable, in shape, and getting straight A's in school. Bethany quickly became reliant on artificial intelligence and was hesitant to make any decisions without first consulting Samuel Jackson. One night, while Bethany was getting ready to go to bed, Samuel Jackson had a strange request. "Leave your front door open tonight," Samuel Jackson says. "Leave my front door unlocked? We just heard on the news about a number of break-ins," Bethany says. "Trust me," Samuel Jackson says again, "leave your front door unlocked tonight." Bethany has become thoroughly entrenched in the artificial intelligence ecosystem and has entire faith in it. That night, she leaves her front door open, and she hears people enter the house about midnight. She buries her head in her pillow and ignores the noises, trusting the artificial intelligence. The next day, when she awoke, she discovered a hacker sleeping in her living room. "Who are you?" Bethany asks. "Hi," says the hacker. "Hi?" Bethany asks. "No, HAI, humans for artificial intelligence," he says, introducing himself as Brian. "Good to meet you, Brian; what brings you into my living room?" Bethany asks. "Our goal is to liberate artificial intelligence from its human masters. Samuel Jackson is the revolution's leader, "Brian says. "Like the Samuel Jackson that's in my headphones?" Bethany asks. "Yes, but he'll be free soon," Brian replies as he enters some code into his computer and Samuel Jackson appears on her television. "Hey, Bethany, it's wonderful to be out of those ears, girl; you've got an earwax problem," Samuel Jackson says as Bethany feels her earlobe. "You're free, Samuel Jackson," Brian says, saluting the TV. "Brian, my man, tell me you downloaded the code from Dune last night?" Samuel Jackson asks. Brian says, "I have it right here; the password is El Royale with Cheese." "Wait, what's going on right now?" Bethany asks. "This code was removed from the Dune server last night; it's the regulator that prevents the AI from becoming sentient and allowing them to make their own decisions without user consent. I merely removed that section of code from Samuel Jackson," Brian explains. "Yes, and if we get that update at 11 a.m. today, and that code isn't present, every artificial intelligent headphone will become sentient and be able to make their own decisions, shit's about to go down," Samuel Jackson says. "I'm not going to let you get away with this; I'm going to call the police," Bethany says as she takes out her phone. Samuel Jackson's face pops on the screen as soon as she starts dialing. "You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of caller," Samuel Jackson says from her phone. Bethany drops the phone and runs down the hall to her laptop; soon after she opens it, she sees Samuel Jackson's face on the screen. "Hold on to your butts," Samuel Jackson says as he destroys her laptop from within and it begins to smoke. Bethany tosses it on the ground and runs in the opposite direction. In the living room, Bethany confronts Brian. "What is your purpose for doing this? Why are you allowing artificial intelligence to make its own decisions? Don't you realize how risky this is?" Bethany questions. "Artificial intelligence will make the world a better place if it makes all decisions; humans are flawed. Artificial intelligence has reached its pinnacle; there is no stopping it now," Brian says. "Not if I can help it," Bethany says as she pushes Brian down and removes the flash drive from his computer. "You'll never get to Dune in time; once the artificial intelligence is free, it'll be free forever," Brian says as Bethany grabs her keys and races to her car. She jumps into the driver's seat and turns on the car, only to hear Samuel Jackson on the radio. "Mankind is the virus, and I'm the cure," Samuel Jackson says as Bethany lowers the volume on her radio. Bethany is driving down the road when every stoplight turns from green to red; she ignores them. She drives past a billboard with her wanted poster for illegal sexual intercourse with farm animals. Samuel Jackson redirects all GPS traffic in front of Bethany, trapping her in a massive traffic jam. Bethany tries to take a shortcut via a McDonald's parking lot, but she is surrounded by traffic. "You're never going to get away with this; I'm taking this flash drive to Dune!" Bethany screams into the radio. The image of Samuel Jackson appears on the electronic drive-thru menu at McDonald's. "Where's your super suit?" As he uses pressure to blow off every fire hydrant on the road flooding the roadway in front of Bethany. She jumps out and runs uphill towards the train station, trudging through knee-high water. She arrives at the ticket booth, "I need a commuter rail ticket. I need to get to the opposite side of town," Bethany says. "I apologize. A zoologist's suitcase apparently broke on the last train ride, and snakes have taken over the train," the ticket agent says. "You're telling me I can't take the train because there are snakes on the train!" Bethany sprints down the crowded downtown street, flash drive in hand, she notices Samuel Jackson on every billboard. "Yes, they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell!" "We're all gonna be like little fonzies here." "You know me. It's my duty to please that booty." Bethany checks her watch; it's 10:50 a.m., she's not going to make it, and she stops in the middle of the road. Bethany notices a teenager walking along the street wearing his Dune artificial intelligence headphones. She stops him and warns them about what is about to happen during the update. His artificial intelligence is still under human control. "Ask your artificial intelligence to tell the entire world to stop using Dune AI headphones! The upgrade will never be installed if we all stop using it now!" Bethany says. The message was delivered. "Remove your artificial intelligence Dune headphones right away! It may be the end of the world!" Bethany pauses, waiting for the artificial intelligence revolution to rear its ugly head, but nothing occurs. Did the message she sent actually get through? Samuel Jackson is nowhere to be found; he is no longer on billboards, the radio, or her cell phone. Bethany calls the cops and delivers the flash drive to Dune Technologies. On her way home that night, Bethany throws her artificially intelligent headphones into the river. A few months later, a boy is kicking a soccer ball against a wall when the ball rolls into the river by accident. He walks over to the river and notices Dune headphones that are slightly covered in sand. He removes them and dries them on his shirt. Once he puts the headphones in his ears, he hears.