text: She couldn’t make up her mind as to what to do with them. It had been long enough since the death of her beloved husband for her to feel strong enough to sort out a few things and move on. Of course he was the love of her life and they had many years together but she couldn’t be sad any longer - it was time to find new things to do, grow and flourish....’goodness only knows how much time I have left on this earth’. June had decided to sort out the attic once and for all. Bill had been gone for a year now and she had felt for a few weeks that it was the right time to get cracking on it. She really didn’t know if she was going to sell the house and downsize yet, but no matter what, the attic needed sorting. The big cardboard box had been sitting up in the attic for a long time. It was covered in dust and she wiped it all off with a dry cloth. “Look at all this tape I put on it. If Bill was still around he would be telling me how wasteful I was!” she said aloud as she broke a nail trying to take it off. “What I need is a knife or some scissors to open it”. She climbed back down the stairs and into the kitchen to find her scissors, took them back up with her to the attic and cut down the middle of the tape. The top opened up with the smell of moth balls still quite overwhelming even after all this time. ‘Oh yes, of course’ she thought ‘it’s mainly all the children’s clothes. I forgot about this box. I’ll just tape it back up and take it straight to the charity shop. I’ll have to get John, when he visits next to carry it down for me though’. Plonking herself down on a stool she surveyed the room - ‘oh dear’ she thought and sighed. She took her asthma puffer as it was so dusty and not being able to breathe was the last thing she needed! Standing up June wandered over to the doll’s house that was leaning against the far wall. It had been made by her husband when the girls were little. Meticulously crafted it had taken Bill months to make, but he did start before the first one was born! The tiny doors were all hinged, and opened and closed quite easily. June touched the curtains she had sewn for the tiny windows, the white and floral cotton was now a light brown because of all the dust that had settled on it. At the top of the tiny stairs and inside the bedroom were two little wooden beds with the same coloured bedspreads as the curtain and in between the beds a very small dressing table. June’s flair for arts and craft were highlighted by the mini rug she had crocheted and even a painting on the wall. By the time Bill had got to the stage of making furniture for the downstairs kitchen he had run out of enthusiasm and time, so it was a lot sparser than upstairs! June opened the window at the very top of the attic to let in some fresh air - it was a bit stuffy and a light breeze flew through the skylight window. Some papers that were on top of a cupboard rustled about, with a couple of them blowing on to the floor. June bent down to pick them up and a sudden pang of loneliness ran through her as she saw they were sketches that Bill had done. “Those beautiful trees he sketched when we were on holidays together” she said aloud, placing them down on the table, vowing not to get too sad while up here. She looked around not knowing where to start and feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the clutter that was up in the attic. ‘I’ll do it another day’ she thought beginning to feel tired even before she had started. Then she looked once again at the big box and decided that she would sort through it after all. ‘I’ll need to go through it anyway to see what I can give to the charity shop - it could all be moth eaten for all I know’. Just as she was about to begin the front door bell rang. ‘Oh bother’ she thought, ‘who’s that?’ Climbing down the stairs once again she opened the door to find herself face to face with two of her daughters, the youngest and the oldest! “Hello you two” she greeted them with a hug. “I thought you were shopping together for the day?” “Hi mum. Yes we were but we got there, had a coffee and then decided we couldn’t be bothered. Lisa’s tired and I just don’t feel in the mood”. “Well I’m up in the attic sorting - actually I’ve decided I can’t be bothered either but I am just about to go through a box of your clothes from when you were all little girls”. “Bring it down and we’ll go through it with you. Jessica might be able to use some of it when she has her baby”. Between the three of them they managed to get it down the stairs from the attic although June did scrape the skin off one of her knuckles as they shoved the big box through the doorway. “Oh my, I need a cup of tea before we start sorting that big box. Put the kettle on please Pauline”. After the mother and two daughters had finished their cuppas it was time to get stuck into sorting the box and see what clothes were in it, salvageable or not? The moth ball smell permeated the air so June opened the front door so let it out. “Now remember girls, a quick job is a good job. Let’s not take too long with this”. “Yes agreed”. They all reached in for a pile of clothes and sat down to look through them. “Oh it must be all sorts of clothing and not just children’s - here’s one of your dad’s shirts”. “I don’t remember seeing Dad in that” said Veronica, the oldest of the three girls “that’s quite funky and back in fashion now”. “Yes well he did look rather handsome in it but it got a wee bit tight for him. He always told me “Keep that shirt love and I promise I’ll fit into it again one day!” June held it up to her face and sniffed hoping to catch a tiny piece of his smell but it was overpowered by the camphor - she still rubbed it on her face, and with a wistful look told her girls..“You know your dad proposed to me in that shirt”. “Did he have pants on too” asked Pauline thinking it very funny. “Of course he had pants on, it was in my day not these days!” replied her mum, smiling. “Yes we were at the drive in movies “she continued “and when it was intermission he left me in the car and went to buy hot chips for us both. When he came back he handed me my chips and sat next to me - we were eating away when he suddenly said “Oh my goodness look what was in my bucket of chips, and he holds up a ring”. (Veronica went to say “You’ve told us a million times Mum” but her sister looked her in the eyes and shook her head). June looked at her two girls with glistening moist eyes and concluded with “Will you marry me June? is what your dad said to me”. “Oh Mum” said the diplomatic one, “I think you’ve told us that before and it’s so lovely but we’ve never seen the ‘proposal’ shirt he wore!” June dried her eyes with a tissue and folded the shirt carefully saying “Well let’s hope whoever wears this is as happy as your dad and I were”. As the clothes were unfolded and checked over they were either put it in the ‘good pile’ for Jessica’s baby and others or on the charity shop pile. “This must be difficult for you mum bringing back memories of when we were little, a big happy family and dad was around too”. “Well I decided before I climbed up to that dust old attic that I would try to be sensible and not too emotional today, but yes it is hard for me. I’m glad you two came - you’ll let me know what to keep and what to get rid of I’m sure!” “I remember you in this little dress Lisa. We bought it for your second birthday, but you didn’t get to wear it for your party. We had it all planned; it was in the park up the road from where we lived”. “You mean that tiny house we all squeezed into, two bedrooms and a back verandah, one bathroom and a tiny square of a garden?” “Yes that was the one, although it wasn’t that small, you and Jess shared a bedroom, as did John and Martin but that’s what you did in those days”. “Anyway, I had the table all set up with the party food and the parcels wrapped for the games, you girls were all dressed up in your little frocks when suddenly your dad came running into the garden yelling that your cousin Margaret had been knocked off her bike and been taken to hospital. She was seriously hurt with head injuries, and it was ‘touch and go’ for a while”. “So why didn’t I get to wear my dress?” “Well we couldn’t hold your party when your cousin was seriously injured and in hospital. Your dad and I went straight there to support Aunty Liz. Grandma came over. We let the other children know it was cancelled but there was plenty of food for you and your brothers and Gran”. June picked up a very small pair of blue leather shoes and sat staring at them, a far away look on her tired and wrinkled face. “Are you ok Mum?” Lisa came over and put her arm around her mother’s shoulders telling her that maybe they should put all the clothes back in, tape it up and drop it somewhere. “No love, it’s ok, it’s just that I haven’t seen or touched these for years. It just makes me sad that’s all, wondering what he would look like now and thinking of all the life he has missed out on. I’m ok, honestly. She fingered the tiny shoes lovingly “Your dad actually took Martin to get these shoes. I remember how he came back home, it was in the afternoon, and dad put the shoes on him so he could show me. He was so tiny for his age and still a bit wobbly on his legs, he was only two. He stood in the lounge holding on to the arm of the sofa and then ran full pelt towards me. I caught him in my arms and he laughed. His bright blue eyes twinkled and I thought them how lucky I was to have such a happy little boy”. She took a deep breath and put the shoes on the ‘charity shop’ pile “someone will be very fortunate to buy these”. “Oh look at this number” Jessica yelled as she held up a fuchsia pink dress “Did I really wear this to my year 12 ball? Now that’s embarrassing!” “Well we’ve got the photos of you in it!” chimed in her younger sister. “What was the name of that guy you ended up going with? Ray, Roger?” “It was Rick and to be honest, he was awful. He came to pick me up in pants that were too short for him and a pimply face! So between us both, because my face wasn’t much better then, we looked like the ‘worst’ couple at the ball. I hated the whole night!” “You didn’t look that bad darling” said her mum loyally “You had a nice soft stole around your neck and I think you looked lovely”. “Hey here’s the stole...take a look at this” and Lisa put it around her neck and danced around the room calling out to an invisible ‘Rick’ about how much she fancied him and her and Jessica rolled around laughing. ‘What did you wear to your year 12 ball Lisa?” asked Jessica when they had settled down “Umm a lime green dress, it had buttons down the front and tied in a bow at the back. I felt so happy that evening, the hottest guy in the room and he was with me”. I remember how he gave me a sweet little corsage just before we got out of his car. And three years later we were engaged”. “And” added Jess “a year later your husband....... and then your ex-husband. Let’s look for your dress”. They pulled out fabric and clothes until the bright dress was in sight. “There it is” beamed Lisa holding it up - a couple of sizes smaller than I could get into now but that’s to be expected. I don’t remember what I did with the corsage. I said on the night all those years ago that I would keep it forever, but I probably ground it underfoot when I found out Dave was cheating on me!” “Strange question Lisa, but if you could see into the future and knew that Dave was going to cheat on you when you were married, would you have married him?” “That’s a stupid question to ask - of course not. Why would I have - all that heart ache and sadness, the divorce, the cost, children without a dad at home....who would want that?” Jessica was just about to say something else to her sister when she pulled out of the box a pair of black shoes, shiny patent leather with heels at least four inches high. “Oh wow look at these!” she said quickly taking off her own flat shoes and sock and trying them on. “I think these were mine?” she asked “and if they still fit I’m having them”. She tried to squeeze her foot into the left shoe but it was like trying to get a sausage back into its skin! “Too many lumps and bumps on my old feet now” she lamented. “Give me a go, my feet are smaller than yours” said Lisa snatching the shoe off her sister. They fitted her and she happily stood up in them and walked towards the door of the room. “Oh I can’t walk in these, I feel like I’m going to fall over. They are so high. Do I walk funny?” “Yes you actually do, get them off and put them back in the box. I guess neither of us are good in high heels anymore!” June had been sitting watching and listening to her girls in amusement but it was her turn as she pulled out a two piece suit, light blue lines with fabric buttons down the front and a darker blue piping around the lapel of the collar. “Look at this girls” she beamed holding up the articles of clothing. “Oh Mum isn’t that what you wore when you graduated from University? The top student from your class and we were all so proud of you Mum. We still are but to get a University degree at your age was amazing, and then to use it. Dad cried - I remember looking over at him - I’d never seen him cry before and being a young girl, I didn’t think men cried!” I bet that still fits you, you’ve never put any weight on you lucky thing!” “It probably does still fit me but what’s that matter now after all this time? How many years have I been retired? Too many to count and most of what I learnt and practiced for quite a few years after I graduated has escaped out of the box of information in my head!” The three women sat back down and sighed. “I’m tired of this now” said Jessica “Me too, let’s have a cuppa” added Lisa. “Why don’t we just fold it, put it all back in the box and call it quits” said June. “I’ve had enough of going down memory lane, the dust is making me sneeze and I’m tired. It’s nice to re-live the past for a little while but I’m actually ready for a new beginning now”. “Good idea Mum” said one of her two girls “I’ll drop it off for you tomorrow and then at the weekend we’ll finish sorting upstairs in the attic”. “In fact” continued June “I’m fed up of being inside today and going back in time - let’s go out for coffee and look to the future”.