text: Hello. My name is Emily Judith Fuller-Elms. I was born at 5:15 AM on October 26th, 1988. And when I was born, my parents didn’t ask the doctor if I was a boy or a girl, or if I was healthy. Instead, they asked, “What’s the number?” The room braced for the doctor’s answer. My parents held each other close both openly crying as they prayed for good news. “Her number is...” started the doctor, flipping my right wrist over and reading the black numbers that spread across it. “152310232048.” My parents cried in relief. I would live a good life. I had a good number. You see, in my world, everyone is born with a 12-digit number on their right wrist. What does the number mean exactly? Well-- the number gives us the day we will die. Think of it like the expiration date you see on a jug of milk. After the expiration date, you throw away the milk, right? Well, that is what the marks on our wrists mean. We obviously don’t get thrown away in the trash, but we cease to exist after that date. And just like that jug of milk buried in some landfill, we too will be buried in the ground. My number is 152310232048. This means that at exactly 3:23 PM on October 23rd, 2048--my heart will stop. The first time I realized the impact a person’s number has on their life, I was 5 years old. It was my first day of school, I was in kindergarten, and I’ve never really interacted with any other kids besides my older cousins. I was nervous, so when recess was called, I decided to go to the swings. Anyone who liked swings as much as me--well, they were cool in my book. On my way to an open swing, a wild boy with a dinosaur shirt and brown eyes full of mischief performed a backflip off the swings and nearly knocked me over in his crash landing. He jumped up, dusted off his pants and smiled at me and said, “My names Devon, and I am going to live to be 57.” It was such a typical kid way of introducing themselves. Adults tended to be more secretive about their numbers. Wearing watches, or long-sleeved shirts to cover up their numbers, but five-year-olds--we didn’t understand the concept of subtlety. Clearly. Another body quickly landed next to him, this one thankfully on their feet. It was a red-haired girl, with two perfectly braided pigtails. “My names Fiona, and I’m going to live to be 62.” Another body landed next to her. He stumbled a bit on his landing, and his glasses fell down the bridge of his nose as he found his balance. “Hi, I’m Oscar,” he smiled, shaking his long brown hair out of his eyes as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “I’m going to live to be 17.” Mind you--we were in kindergarten. We were literally learning our ABC’s, learning how to tie our shoes, and zip up our coats, but the concept of numbers--that we didn’t need to learn. Our parents made sure we knew what our number was, and what their number was, and what grandma’s number was--numbers were literally ingrained into our minds, much like the literal numbers that adorned our wrists. Which meant even at 5 years old, I knew that Oscar--well Oscar, had a bad number. It must have shown on my face because the boy--a boy who I didn’t even know, hugged me. And as he squeezed me, he said, “It’s okay,” before pulling back and smiling. “My dad’s say that seventeen is plenty of time. They said it is isn’t about how high your number is-- but it’s about what you do with the number you get. Looking back now--I’d probably say the same thing to my child if they were born with a bad number. What else can you do? You can’t change your child’s number. You can’t give your child more time, no matter how much you wish you could take the numbers off your wrist and place them on theirs--you just can’t. Your job as a parent is to protect your children, but you can’t protect them from the inevitable, so instead, you give them something else. Oscar’s dads gave him hope. His dads were great people. I grew close to them as we progressed through school because obviously, Oscar, Fiona and Devon and me--we became best friends after the day on the swings. We called our group “The Swingers,” much to the embarrassment of our parents. We didn’t understand why they didn’t like our group nickname when we were young, but we finally understood when we were 15-- and thanks to the internet, we learned exactly what “swingers” were. But even after learning the sexual nature of our group nickname, we still kept it, because honestly, what teenagers didn’t like tormenting their parents? “Courtney where are you going? It’s late!” “Dad said I can go to Oscar’s house!” “And what will you be doing at Oscar’s house?” “God mom--we are just having a swinger party, can I go now?” The look of embarrassment on my parent’s face was always perfect--especially in public. Speaking of Oscar’s house. His house became the “hang out” spot for us four. Mostly because his dads had an awesome basement, and his dad Jerry was a professional Chef, which meant we ate well there. But back to Oscar’s dads--they were awesome. They adopted Oscar when he was just an infant. His mother gave him up when she saw his number. It was an epidemic in our world. Foster homes were full of children with bad numbers. But Oscar’s dads, they didn’t see his number. They just saw this happy, intelligent, beautiful blue-eyed child who just so happened to be destined to die young. They didn’t see his number--instead, they just saw Oscar. Devon, Fiona, and I--we only saw Oscar too. Most of the kids in our class didn’t really attempt to get to know Oscar, because honestly, what was the point? He wouldn’t be around for long. So, it was the four of us--for as long as we had the four of us. We laughed. We cried. We fought. We loved. We had our hearts broken. We got drunk once--never again. We got high--more than once. We just lived. The swingers lived every day to the fullest--until the day came when four was about to become three. Oscar’s number would be called just a few weeks before our Senior graduation. We always knew his number, but it never seemed real until it came so close to the actual date on our calendar. Oscar took accelerated courses so that he could graduate before--his number came up. The school planned a graduation ceremony just for him the day before his number. His dad’s and his extended family filled the stands, the rest of his class sit in their chairs, the very same chairs that we will soon fill in a couple of weeks when the class of 2007 would all walk together. The principal called out Oscar’s name, and he stepped up to the microphone. Oscar was the school Valedictorian. He stayed late after school, he studied well into the night, he worked hard--so hard, that his dedication to his studies really got in the way of swinger time. One day, after another late night of not seeing Oscar because he was studying for a Chemistry test, I yelled at him. “It is just a Chemistry test, Oscar! If you get a B, it won’t be the end of the world!” Oscar barely blinked an eye at my outburst, instead, much like that day in front of the swings--he pulled me into a hug. “Look, this is the only time I have to be great,” he said. “I don’t get anything after this. So, if this is all I get--I’m going to be the best.” And he did. He became the best. A 4.0-grade point average An SAT score of 1560. And he never filled out a single college application. Oscar cleared his throat in front of the microphone, garnering everyone’s attention. “ Thank you to everyone who came today. It means a lot to me. Very much like my life, I’m going to keep this speech short.” Gasps echoed through the gym, and Oscar smiled. “That was not meant to be a joke. Please don’t think that I am making light of the fact that tomorrow is my number. Instead, I say that I will keep this speech short--because I think the world tends to greatly underestimate the power of something small.” “My mother gave me up for adoption when I was only 1 minute old. As soon as the doctor read my number, she signed over custody of me to the state. I always wondered, how can I be judged of my quality of life, before I’ve even taken my first shit.” Laughter echoed from the students, gasps echoed from the parents, and grumbles of disapproval echoed from the teacher’s and administration. But Oscar just smirked, as he looked back at the principal. “Feel free to give me detention this weekend for cussing,” he joked. “She was wrong--by the way,” continued Oscar, his gaze going back out to the gym. “ Anyone who ever stared at my number, and looked at me with sadness--you were wrong. I have lived--not as long as our parents and not as long as you all will live--but make no mistake, I have lived. My life may have been short, but it doesn’t mean it has been any less significant as someone who lived well into their Taking a breath, he gave his parents and then the swingers a shaky smile. “Every second of every single day for the past seventeen years--have been lived to the fullest because simply, I didn’t have the time to waste. Every moment of my life has been counted, cherished and loved--can you say the same thing about yours?” Oscar died on 2:13 PM on March 16th, 2007. Like his number said, he lived to be 17. He had a bad number But he didn’t let his number define him.