text: I don’t even know what to think right now. My body is shaking and it’s getting harder to move my jaw enough to talk. “I don’t know how much longer we’re going to make it like this,” I mutter to Patrick. As I glance in his direction I can see his lips are becoming a faint purple. His teeth momentarily stop chattering and he replies, “Let’s leave. We have to do something.” “It’s 20 miles Patrick, we’re weak, we’ll never make it.” “We owe it to our families to try! I’m not going to sit here huddled together in a cave waiting to die. I’m leaving! And that’s with or without you.” “You’ll never make it. Don’t be an idiot, someone could show up any minute now.” “Yeah... let’s just put the chances of our survival into someone else’s hands. Get real man. No one is coming for us. They would’ve been here. I can feel myself shutting down. It’s time to go.” We left our food and gold in the cave and began marching into an assassinating windchill of -47 degrees. With each breath, the skin inside my nose burns deeper. My feet feel prosthetic; I’m moving numb limbs. As we march, the hallucinations are becoming reality. I am delusionally euphoric. Is it my brain shutting down? Or is there something empowering about trudging through a frozen tundra knowing your life's on the line? “I’m done John. This is it for me,” Patrick croaks as he falls forwards onto the rock solid ground. “Think of Ellie,” I plead, but it’s too late. His eyes are lifeless. The necessity to continue takes precedence over the swarm of emotions begging me to mourn. I want to break down, but a force inside of me authoritatively screams I must keep walking. The sun has fallen. It’s somehow gotten even colder. I’m able to make out the dangling crescent-shaped branch of a tree we passed just two miles after arriving. I’m close. I’m captivated by a surge of energy unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s incredible, the resources our bodies reserve for the times we need them most. Flooded by adrenalin, my pace becomes brisk. Images of reuniting with Samantha, Robby, and Mark flash through my mind. I see a sign warning of bears and wolves. I’m close. I can’t believe my eyes. I reach the cabin and it’s empty. Everyone has gone home. Again, I’m alone. I reach for the door handle and pull with the limited strength I still have. It’s locked. I can’t survive another hour out here. I begin hyperventilating. Shaking my head back and forth, back and forth, moving it up and down in circles. I see a rock the size of my hand. Without hesitation I launch it into the window. The glass shatters and I throw my limp body into the cabin. “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT,” I pant. My system is shocked. I’d forgotten the sensation of warmth. I look up from the ground I’m lying on, and my heart sinks as I see the window. What have I done? This cabin is my lifeline and I’ve put a hole in it. Cold air is rushing in by second, this cabin is a sinking ship. I crawl to the back of the room, and open the door to the closet. I cram in and shut the door. I’m going to sleep, comfortable with the fact that whether I wake up depends on how early the cabin attendants come to work.