text: A yearning propelled me forward. Freezing water lapped over my toes and made me gasp. I hesitated. Resolutely, I took a deep breath and shuffled a few more inches in. The murky water eddied around my ankles, but I already felt like I was in over my head. What was I thinking? Over my shoulder, onlookers gathered on shore. “It’s a cold world out there,” they warned. The older ones huddled in their cozy blankets, staying warm and dry and safe. The younger ones built castles on the sand, watched the surf melt them, then started over. Yes, I was doing the right thing. There had to be more to life than the shallow monotony they represented. I broke out in goosebumps, more from exhilaration than the temperature. I waded in further and jumped up as a swell approached, only to have my legs jerked out from under me as it receded. Floundering, I was sucked into the fray. Hecklers jeered, then quietened down and sank back into their chaise lounges. Now one of the flailing crowd, I swam blindly through the swirling mist blanketing the surface. I wondered what the others were after -- a hidden treasure, an elusive 'happily ever after,' a missing piece to life’s puzzle? Who knew? I sought meaning and purpose, and prayed I'd recognize it when I found it. Tossed by uneven swells, dumped on by crashing waves, and pushed around and down by others in their own selfish pursuit of what evaded them, I questioned my sanity. "Rocks!" "Sharks!" "Undertow!” Warnings hollered out, usually too late, caused a frenzy of thrashing as everyone did their best to steer clear of the dangers. Nearby, screams muffled to gurgling, then silence, as people were dragged under. A wave crashing on nearby rocks ended with a sickening grunt, the sound of a body slammed down like a discarded rag doll. Squawking signaled the scavengers swooping in and fighting over the choicest morsels. Shivering, I put more power behind each stroke and swam away as fast and as far as my tired limbs allowed. Unable to see through the hazy veil over the water, I couldn’t be sure I was safe. Tears and saltwater stung my eyes. Who was I in this sea of humanity, anyway? I certainly didn't know. No one seemed to care if I was struggling out here or back on land, as long as I didn’t interfere with them doing their own thing. I swore some were swimming in circles. Like everyone else, I worked to keep my head above water. Prickling at the back of my neck told me someone was watching me. I didn't know who was in the shadows, and I didn't want to know. I focused harder on the task at hand to distract myself. A glow in my periphery revealed Father hovering nearby. I ignored him. He waited patiently. Stubbornness and pride spurred me on. Every now and then, his alluring song or reassuring whisper reached my ears, "I'm here for you when you're ready.” Fueled by a determination to make it on my own, I doubled my efforts. The frigid water numbed my extremities and dulled my senses. This wasn’t the 'more' I’d been seeking when I started out. I doubted the outcome of this fateful quest. Fatigue and hopelessness settled in my bones. How could I find something when I didn't know what I was looking for? Was this even the right way? Exhausted, I sank to the rocky bottom, resigned to my soggy grave. A shaky voice I didn't recognize as my own caught me off guard, crying out from the depths of my being. My world dimmed. Rays of brilliant sunshine illuminated my Father’s hand as he reached for me and lifted me into his boat. I clung to him. My thankful tears mingled with the dripping seawater. “Dear one,” he said, wrapping me securely in his strong arms and kissing the top of my head. His embrace and the sun banished any hint of a chill. It dawned on me, this is what I'd been searching for all along. "Why didn't you tell me before I ventured out?” "Would you have listened?” he said, lifting my chin. There was no condemnation in those loving eyes. He raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head and lowered my gaze. “At least you were bold enough to step out. Some people feel the cold, wet sand underfoot and retreat. Some like to test the waters and go their own way, no matter what. Everyone's free to make their own choices, but they must live -- or die -- with the consequences.” I knew it was true, but that didn’t mean I liked it. We groped blindly but were oblivious to the pointlessness of it all. We were directionless despite our perseverance, clueless but too arrogant to admit it, and our mindless activity only wedged us deeper in our quandary. *** My mission, now, was to help others come into the light. We launched the boat once again. Father sang his usual love song, dispelling the darkness from around the boat, and I used his strong searchlight to part the fog further. I wanted to trawl along with a net and scoop everyone up. Then they couldn’t choose to argue with me when I tried to get them to understand what they were missing out on, but I knew that wouldn’t accomplish anything except make people mad. I spotted my brother Kamron plowing through the throng of people. I was relieved he was still afloat, but then, he was smart, athletic, and up on the latest of everything, the polar opposite of me, so I wasn’t surprised he’d do well for himself. He forged on, sometimes grabbing the shoulder of someone nearby to help propel him forward. Despite the increasing waves, he made good progress. Part of me thrilled at his success, part of me was saddened by it. Why would he be interested in anything I had to offer? When a burly man pushed him under, he sputtered and choked, but recovered quickly and pressed on. Father maneuvered the boat closer. “Here! Grab the rope!” I yelled. Several people scowled at me. “Nah, don’t worry -- I’ve got this!” Kamron assured me. I’d thrown the life preserver within arm’s reach, but he swam on. Tossed around in the melee, his lifeline soon drifted away, but others could still grab it if they wanted to. “Anyone?” No takers, only mockers. “Are you saying we’re weak and need rescuing?” “You think we can’t handle this?” “Come on -- that’s for wimps!” “You’re going the wrong way! I know what you’re looking for,” I said, tugging on the rope and coiling it around my arm. I readied it to throw out again. “You’ve already given up, so how would you know, Miss High-and-Mighty?” someone said, splashing me. “Just 'cause you’re up there and we’re down here, you think you’re better than us?” “There isn’t a wrong way!” someone else piped up as they backstroked by, “We’ll all make it there eventually.” “Where is there? Do you even know where you’re going?” The sloshing of the ocean was my only answer. “Everyone’s going this way, so it must be right,” Kamron said. “What? And you’d swim through a swarm of box jellyfish if everyone else was?” I said, under my breath. Knowing him, he’d do it just to prove he could. “Sharks circling!” someone yelled. Screams followed by an ever-widening expanse of blood proved it was too late for at least one person. “Well, this is getting fun, isn’t it?” He laughed nervously. “Best get going then. Catch you later.” “Come on, Kamron! If you get in the boat, you’ll be safe. Then we can go home together.” “If I wanted safe, I would’ve stayed on the beach. Should I throw in the towel because you have? Don’t you see? I’m doing what’s best for me! Why is that so wrong?” I guess I touched a nerve. “I see more clearly than you do!” I said. I interrupted Father’s beautifully haunting singing and said, “You could make him get in.” “Yes,” he said, smiling, “but it’s got to be his choice.” “Yeah, I know,” I said, my voice flat, shoulders sagging. When I turned back, Kamron was long gone. “Let’s go. This is pointless.” “Listen!” Dad whispered, “There is one.” I cupped my hand around my ear and focused. In the distance, a tiny voice pleaded, “Help! Please save me!” Warmth bloomed in my chest. Yes, someone was ready!