text: In 5 minutes you'll hear a knock at the door, and when you open it, a tiny man with elephant ears and four pairs of long spindly arms with pincer-like fingers will be standing there. He'll politely ask you if he can come in. After letting out a yell and slamming the door in his face, you are going to peer through the peephole and see that he’s still there. You’ll slowly open the door again and timidly ask him to tell you who and what he is. He'll state that he works for the Bureau of Inter-Dimensional Matrix Inconsistencies, Repo Division. You'll ask him what the hell any of that means. He'll sigh and mutter something about how they don't pay him enough to play inter-dimensional kindergarten teacher with lower life forms. He'll say that basically it looks like there was a mistake processing the code for your life. That you were supposed to have been horribly disfigured by an accident a few years ago (yes that kid's bag of firecrackers that caught fire at that barbecue) that was supposed to have blown all of your limbs away. You will ask why he was telling you all of this. That's when he'll come closer and say that he'd just discovered the typo he'd made regarding your non-lack of limbs and that if his superiors ever found out about it he'd get fired. So he was here to finish the job himself and take the limbs that you weren't supposed to have anymore. You'll realize he's serious and now he's coming for you and you'll try to escape but you'll fall. And worse you'll realize you fell because one of your legs is missing, and then you'll see that the tiny man is severing the other one and somehow it's painless but still terrifying to see the two stumps and now he's coming for your arms. Finally you close your eyes waiting for him to finish the job when you'll hear someone else in the room. Your dog, Mike, who you haven't given a snack to in MONTHS, will stand up and sigh and say guess I have to fix this crap by myself. And your dog, who you had no idea could talk now transforms into something so hideous it defies description, just scales and jelly and teeth. Mike will eat the tiny, now screaming, man. Then Mike's eye's will glow red and you'll wake up in your room and won't remember any of this. Time will have gone back 5 minutes to before this started, and the tiny scary man won't be back to bother you, because I'll eat him before he even has a chance to knock on the door, this time. This is Mike, your dog, and I just want you to know that I saved your life. And you're welcome. I expect my treats to come on the regular from now on, and more belly rubs, or I'll let the Repo men take your legs for good this time, you cheap bastard.