text: \*Have a ton of my stories just sitting on Wordpress and decided to share a few. Ignore grammar and spelling errors as these are rough drafts. Thank you for reading! &#x200B; *All alone again in this dimly lit bar. My friends have all scattered to dance and have a good time. I sit at the booth with only myself and my thoughts and that is the only way I would have it. I have never been like the others I am far to shy and afraid of actual human contact. Then she walks in my god why did it have to be her?* *For years she has been the girl I have dreamed of but never had enough courage to tell. I tell myself I would only destroy her. Nothing good ever stays with me. Still I think of her all of the time she is forever on my mind. Why am I so afraid to be brave?* *I sit and watch for a time. Wondering if she knows that I am watching her. She has to. My eyes must be burning a hole right through her. Nervously I shuffle my lighter in my hand trying to pretend that I am cool and not paying attention to anything.* *She dances magically under the low light. It is almost as if she glides like something so beautiful it shouldn't be allowed to exist. Somehow when God chose his angels he must have forgotten her. That can be the only explanation.* *Nervously I order another beer trying not to pay attention. I know that she will never be mine nothing that good could ever be for me. Still I can't pull my gaze away from her. It is the deepest of torments and the greatest bliss all rolled together.* *She is still dancing and I am still sitting like a fool. My lighter gliding from knuckle to knuckle as I try to not be obvious. How every eye in the bar isn't in her direction I do not know. Sirens may have wrecked Greek ships but she could have taken the entire civilization with the wave of her hand.* *I am not stupid and I know that beauty only means so much. She has her quirks just like everyone else does but somehow hers remain wonderful to me. I could never see myself being mad at her or treating her badly. No instead she would always be on my mind and her name always on the tip of my tongue.* *She is one of the kindest people I have ever known. Never putting herself first or looking down on others. Like how we all learned to be in grade school but everyone forgets. Not her. It is as if the message was meant just for her. Maybe a message from god to his forgotten angel. Just thinking about this I start to crack a smile. My facade of being cool is fading quick.* *Christ she must have noticed because now she is headed my way. I feel my heart sink thinking what I should do next. Do I run? Do I continue to play it cool? No time to decide I am stuck and I know it.* *Still fiddling with my lighter I pretend not to notice. Then for an instant I swear time froze as she said “I thought that was you!”. My lighter now had stopped in between my knuckles as if when time stopped so did all forms of movement.* *Now alert to every small detail I hear the chair squeak as she pulls it out from the table to have a seat. Quickly I put on my imaginary mask that protects me from showing that I am human. At least now I can feel a small measure of safety from the conversation that is sure to ensue.* *Small talk starts in. My mind goes into autopilot and I am sure that I am just a blabbering mess at this point. She doesn't seem to notice or care and continues speaking. Of course she does she is perfect and would never point out an imperfection in someone else.* *Then as if the clouds had parted I start to follow the conversation. She is going on about times past and how good it was that I was there. Now I am smiling and replying. Now a crack in the mask and soon like a broken dam it will be destroyed.* *Why do I have to be so afraid? All at once I want to rend my flesh and peel my skin free. I want to say all the things that I have thought better left unsaid. Damn the consequences what is the worst that could happen?* *So do I spill my guts? Put all of my cards on the table as it were? All I have to do is say something. I fight to say what I want so hard to say but nothing. It is as if again I am frozen.* *She starts to wrap up everything she wanted to say and I couldn't even get any important words out. She smiles in a sad sort of way and tells me it was good seeing me again. I manage to shake my head. She walks away wearing that bittersweet grin.* *My lighter starts moving again like a switch suddenly had been turned back on. It was then I realized that I only show people enough to keep them interested but am to ashamed to give them what they really want. How could I ever make anyone happy? My life is the burlesque show and all I am is the strip tease.