text: Disclaimer: I am from Germany so please excuse any grammatical errors. When I looked out of the window it was still the everyday grey. The cold season always made me feel glad to be inside all the time. You had no obligations when everything for school was finished. That was what I always felt the first week of the winter holidays. The other weeks were lonely. I didn’t want to text anyone if they had time to meet. I thought I would annoy them. But there were this one holiday season that was different. On the friday the school ended one female friend of mine threw a party because she was finally 18. I asked her if i could bring a good friend of mine. At the moment I didn’t knew it but it was my best friend. As everyone said you only see those things when they are gone. At the party I got drunk. I got really drunk. My friend also got very drunk. At the end of the party my female friend and my best friend were kissing. I was really drunk so I didn’t bother. I only noticed that something was wrong when my friend didn’t want to hang out because he drove to her. I was mad. I missed him and that was when I realized that he was my best friend at the moment. I was hanging out with other friends but it just didn’t feel right. I always tried to come down by saying that I would also neglect my friendships if I were to finally get a girlfriend and that I shouldn’t be so mad about it. I cheered for them. I love to see other people being happy. But I wasn’t able to drown out the fact that I felt like I was being replaced. It was New Year’s Eve when I realized that I wasn’t able to ignore the feeling that I got replaced. My friend was a cook so he needed to work New Year’s Eve, or so I thought. Me and 3 other friends were throwing a party and he told us that he needed to work. When we saw the snap that he was hanging out with her instead of his year long friends something broke inside of me. I told him my deepest secrets. I thought that we would at least hang out a bit the next few years. At this moment I felt my heart ache. I knew that people were doing everything for a loved one. But at this moment it felt so bad to be betrayed. I didn’t thought he would lie to his year long friends for someone he only knew one and half a week. At the next moment my thoughts reminded me of the movie “Stand by me”. When I realised what was happening I giggled. I saw the bigger picture. I wished them a happy new year and went my way. Most of my friends are still with me and we are still keeping in touch. When I look back I knew my thoughts weren’t egoistic and his weren’t. They were feelings. And I learned my lesson. Friendship and love isn’t asbout the time you spent it is about the intensety of the things you go through together.