text: My heartbeats were growing faster and faster as soon as I was getting close to the city, the city of my university that changed me forever. I reached in front of my university gate; a wide, beautiful gate which was wide open as if it had opened its arms to welcome me after six years. Here was the place that gave me my life’s best memories and best people. Yet, I have never dared to come to this city again, I was afraid that I may encounter him, and I never wanted to see him again. I parked my car for a moment on the other side of the road in front of my university and went into a flash back to how this place changed me; from denying my feelings to accepting them, from hating love to falling in love, from Hitler to jolly girl, and from crying baby to smiling doll. The place transformed me or quite possibly love transformed me. I remembered the last day when I dared to defeat my fears, broke my rules, ego and shyness to confess; for the first and last time. Although I knew that he no longer loved me or maybe he never loved me, but I wanted to leave no regrets. It was our final Viva day when everyone was worried about viva and I had this one question in my head--should I talk to him or not? He was looking same sarruuu (arrogant) whom I loved from the first days of our university life. The day when we collided; I was lost, and he gently showed me the way by the gesture of his arm. What a filmy start! But that was the only sweet start because there was a lot of drama awaiting for us ahead. I didn’t know what was his problem, he never missed a chance to tease me, and I was a girl who was intolerable to any joke. He knew that, but he never stopped, from my make-up to my clothes, he made fun of everything. Although he never meant to make any offense, he merely joked, but I started to hate him, or maybe I pushed myself to hate him because there was no place for love in my life. Time passed, we had many unreasonable fights, we started ignoring each other, our sweet, funny fights changed into the war of ego, and things got worse. I remembered the time when I wanted to slap him right in front of everyone because I never felt so insulted because no one had ever ignored me, but he did. He always did things that first seemed an insult to me but then changed me forever, I started becoming a normal girl who was not offended by jokes now, who loved to live, who freely laughed and started to dream. Suddenly, he confessed his feelings; to deny them at the end, I took it as a joke because I was afraid of dreams, and he was the most beautiful dream of my life. I prepared myself for the worst - that finally happened. "Saad, I need to talk to you." I finally gathered courage on our last day. He looked surprised, his eyes became more wide, he came close to me, and we took a side, I started, "Best of luck for your viva, I just wanted to say thank you and sorry for many reasons” my voice shacked but I pushed myself after a sigh “there was time when I wanted to slap you, I reminded him about our hate-love story, I just wanted you to know that I still have feelings for you, I know that is not your problem and I don’t know for how long these feelings will stay with me but I just wanted to confess.” I said all that in one breath without looking into his eyes because I knew that if I had looked at him, then I would have burst into tears. “I wanted to say sorry too.” He concluded. I ignored his words and started to go, then stopped “See it is proved now that I am not shy hunhh” we both chuckled. He always said that I was shy, so I proved him wrong. As for him, he was a mystery, and he remained a mystery. I didn’t know why he broke off, and I never asked. After that day we never saw each other for the coming 6 years. “Ma'am, you have been standing there for so long, is there any problem?” The guard who was probably noticing me pulled me back to the reality from that past, the past that was full of unanswered questions. “NO, I am just leaving.” I said politely. I started my car and called my friend’s husband to open the door as I would be there in five minutes. I reached their place, jeejoo was already at the door, waiting for me. I entered their home when Hazel--my friend for whom I came to this city again, was busy in the kitchen, when I placed my hands on her eyes, and she recognized my touch in one moment. “Haya! You bitch, is that you?” She exclaimed with joy. We both hugged and moved into tears with a smile. It had been 6 years that I hadn’t met her. She was angry with me because I couldn’t attend her wedding as I was out of the country, but as soon as I came back, I decided to surprise her with her husband’s help. We sat together, had dinner, and I broke the big news, "I am getting married.” I said in a straight tone. “Oo-M-G... really?? Has Saad come back? Why haven’t you told me?” She asked with excitement. “No, he has not, I am marrying someone else.” I tried to cover my sadness with a smile. She was the one who knew how much I loved Saad, she was with me throughout my story in university and knew that I was waiting for him. This news surprised her beyond words, but she was happy that I was moving on. “Well, that is great, but are you happy, Haya?” She assured. “Well, Ahmed; my younger brother, is happy.” I smiled “Now what you mean by that, what he has to do with your marriage?” “He loves someone, and she loves him too, but their family will not agree to this marriage if I don’t marry their son. You know our traditions. So I just don’t want him to be deprived of his love; I don’t want him to suffer like me. So I have made up my mind.” Hazel’s expressions showed her confusion, but she joked. “Have you met the boy? What is his name? How does he look? He must be handsome enough to match you.” “Well, his name is Ali, apart from that, I don’t know anything about him. We are going to meet in Karachi next week,” I concluded. Hazel and I spent the whole week cooking, playing guitar, visiting local parks and talked endlessly for hours. The days passed quickly. “You have to tell me all the details after meeting him, and don’t you dare to disappear again, you won’t be forgiven now.” She hugged me and said good bye. I started my journey towards Karachi, away from this city and its memories. Next day, I arrived at a cafe when a tall and handsome guy welcomed me. Here was Ali, in black jeans and a tight blue shirt that was showing off his biceps. Hazel was right, he was my match. I had decided that I would tell him about Saad, but I couldn’t get a chance. Although it was our first meeting, but he possessed a frank nature. He talked about his hobbies, likes, dislikes and engaged me too while I was waiting to tell him about Saad. Suddenly, he stopped when he recognized his old friend behind me and stood to meet him. “Oh man, what a coincidence! I tried to reach you out, but you became a ghost and disappeared!” Ali said with joy. I turned my face to see his friend, but what I found was unexpected; the face that I saw in my dream every night and tried to forget during every day, same bright eyes, healthy hair and the cutest smile. I sat unmoved without blinking my eyes till his eyes met mine, equally surprised. I felt same pinch in my heart and just turned my face. Ali forced him to join us, and he introduced me to him “She is Haya, who is going to be your Bhabhi (brother’s wife).” “Oh, nice, you both make a perfect couple, ” he seemed jealous. I had no idea how to react. Luckily, the waiter arrived, and Ali gave the order; two teas for us. Saad looked at me because he knew I hate tea. Then Ali looked towards Saad for his order. To my surprise, he ordered juice; that was my choice. I tried to convince myself that it was just a coincidence--that he must not remember what I like, and why would he! At the table we were both uncomfortable and pretended that we had just met today. Ali broke the ice, “You know, Haya, this man is a modern Majnoo, he pushed his love out of his life himself for some reasons and has decided that he would not marry ever. Can you believe it?” He looked at me for approval. This new twist surprised me and raised many questions in my mind; is that me? Did he really love me so much? But if he did, then what were those reasons!!.. I couldn’t stop thinking and asked directly “Is that true? What were the reasons?” For the first time I looked straight into his eyes. “Ah, no, you don’t know him, he keeps joking” Saad lied, but his eyes revealed the truth. The truth that I ignored the last day to believe his words, but this time I couldn’t ignore the words of his eyes that clearly showed his love for me. Weather I should have been happy or sad? I didn’t know, nor I could sit there any longer. So I excused and rushed to my home. I hugged my pillow tightly and cried, I let all those tears run down that I was holding for the last six years. I let my heart release the burden; I let myself accept that how badly I have missed him and how endlessly I still loved him. Then I called Hazel and told her everything, she was jumpy, happier than me, “What are you waiting for, Haya? Just go and talk to him, ask him and sort it out, life doesn’t give a 2nd chance to everyone.” She convinced me to take the step. But instead of talking to Saad, I contacted his sister, Marina, who liked me and knew about our story. I reached out to her and wished that I had reached her few years ago because of what she said, “Haya, Saad loves you, he still does. I asked him many times to tell you, but he always said that when you love someone, you don’t confine them in a cage. He knew that you were meant to be successful, but our family would never let you fulfil your dreams. So he chose to let you free.” Marina ended. I felt the warm tears wetting my cheeks and hung up the phone. I found the answer to my questions, I found the reason, my feelings turned out to be true, which always told me that there was something more to our story. A strange smile was covering my face, the smile that I missed during all those years, the smile that only came with his name. Life seemed merciful, and I was going in the world of dreams again when my phone rang; it was Ali, my present. Reality pinched me and woke me up, but I decided to change the course of time now. “Hey, Ali, can I get your friend Saad’s number? It’s urgent,” without thinking about the consequences, I followed my heart. “Okay, I will send you.” Ali replied in a surprised voice. I hung up the call. Peep, my phone rang, and there was Saad’s number on my screen. I held my breath and called him. “Hello, who is there” his voice rang in my ears. I became dumb for a moment but then broke the ice, “Mr. Saad, I want to see you right now, and I don’t want any excuse, hanhh.” My tone, my words surprised me because I talked to him with same comfort and authority. He couldn’t refuse me, and we met at the same cafe. I arrived there before him, and as I saw him, my heart skipped a beat. I had no idea what I would say, and what would happen next. “Congratulations, you found someone better.” His harsh tone reached me. “Saad, did you really feel that I would have chosen my dreams over you? Had you no idea how much I loved you? I talked to Marina, and she told me everything. You had no right to punish yourself and me in that way...” I said with a breaking voice. “No miss Haya, I knew that you would choose me over your dreams, and I never wanted that. I wanted to see you fly, but you know I hoped that one day we would meet. I kept you away from me so I could make my own home for us both while you could fulfil your dreams, but I was not sure about the future. I never wanted to keep you waiting, but I had faith. But I was wrong, when I found you with Ali, then I realized that I had been living in an illusion for six years. You surprised me, Haya... you proved my faith wrong.” Tears fell from his eyes with those words. His words touched my soul, and I told him that my marriage to Ali is just a compromise. “So your love has not changed?” He asked innocently. “Did I have a reason, Mr. Phudhoo? Yeah, If I had loved you for your looks, then it might had changed for ghorazz (English guys) or if I had loved you for money, then Ali is no less, you know” I teased then continued "Saad, I have loved you unconditionally, and no one can ever take your place.” I got emotional. “Will you marry me?” His words stopped my breath, I became cold. The words that I died to hear from him finally came. “Be sure, okay, I will not let you go this time.” I said with wet eyes. “I will not leave you, Haya, I will be with you till my last breath.” His eyes approved of his words. “So you found your Lela.” Ali’s voice came from behind. He continued with a smile “I doubted that you both know each other on that day, but I was not sure. When Haya asked me for your number, then I became sure” Ali supported us and promised to convince his parents for my brother and his sister’s marriage without any condition. He told his family that he didn’t like me as I didn’t match his standard because that was the only way to satisfy his parents. After some days their family approved my brother’s marriage, and I was free from that burden. “Miss Haya, don’t you think you are getting old? You won’t look good in your bridal dress.” Saad joked during my brother’s engagement ceremony. “So, Mr. Saad, are you waiting to see me old? Go ahead, it is our turn now” I joked shyly. Life turned into a fairy-tale from a nightmare because his family also had no objection now. Our love and patience melted their hearts and changed their ideologies too. “You know, Saad, I have always believed that when something is meant for you, it will come back to you, and destiny proved it” My husband’s hand was in mine while we were enjoying the sunset on a peaceful beach. “Yes, it was my destiny to bear this punishment for my whole life,” his words never failed to make me smile.