text: Four minutes, fifty-two seconds. That’s how much time I have left. Last night, a timer telling me I was going to die in twenty four hours appeared, and started counting down the seconds. I was scared, of course I was. But I knew what I had to do, I started writing down everything. Once I’m gone the words I’ve written will be the only thing keeping the idea of me alive. So I wrote it all down. Goodbyes to everyone I knew. What I did, what I didn’t, what I wanted to do. I wrote who I love, who I hated and who I didn’t want to lose. All of my regrets and all of my successes filling pages, and pages. I think I wrote 192 pages, in a span of 18 hours. I then wanted to spend some time with the people that meant most to me, I spent a total of three hours with my family. I never told them what was going to happen to me. I didn’t want them to worry. I always had a plan, always had an answer. I want to use my last moments to put my final plan into action. I need to have an answer, I need to be in control of how it all ends. To tell the truth, that's why I didn’t tell my folks, because I can’t control how they react. I can perfectly craft a sentence, an answer, with the written word. I just want to make the best choice with the time I have left. Then there was them. That person that meant more to me than anything else. The moment they came into my life, a smile shone out of me. They could wrangle the truth out of me with just a chuckle. They were the only person I told, I couldn’t lie to them. I came to the door at the dead of night and explained it. God, they probably thought I was insane, I would have thought that. But for whatever reason they listened to me. They listened to my insane ramblings and believed me, and said they’d do whatever I need. I asked them to come out onto the soccer field with me. I told them I wanted to see the stars for one last time. We laid and laid on the grass, and still are. “Do you see that star?” I point out to them. “Yeah, what about it?” They say, “It’s pretty, also it’s kinda bright.” “That’s the north star. People since far back before us or our grandparents used it to navigate. It shines the brightest in the sky don’t you agree? You want to know what I love about it though? That there were people, tens of thousands of years ago looked at that star and thought the same thing you just thought. They thought it was pretty.” “We aren’t all that different from them huh?” They questioned. “I’d argue that we aren’t different at all from the first humans. It’s funny, it’s the end for me soon and I’m here talking about the beginning.” “Are you scared?” They sighed, “I know I would be, how can you say all this without freaking out.” “I’m not scared.” I ponder for a moment, “I feel at peace almost.” “Do you believe in the afterlife?” “No, I don’t really.” “Then how aren’t you scared?” “I don’t know.” I chuckle, “I really don’t.” I look at the timer, seven seconds. It’s funny, in my last moments I didn’t know the answer.