text: Once again, I was up before my alarm. My ceiling was flaking, that cheap coat of paint didn’t last long. Sitting up I hugged my face with my palms, my tongue running over chapped lips. I sat there for a while, hugging myself as the heat turned on, a soft buzz filling the house. My feet found their way into my house shoes and my body managed to shuffle itself into the bathroom. I winced at my reflection, quickly splashing handfuls of water onto my skin. I redid my ponytail and brushed my teeth, making myself look at least a little bit more alive. There was a chill in the air as I walked to the living room to start the coffee pot. It was still dark outside but it was almost sunrise, and I wanted to see it. The forecast said it was supposed to rain for the first time in a long time, a sign of the end of winter and the start of fresh spring. I will always prefer rain over snow. It seemed to bring the land to life while snow seemed to want to muffle it in a disguise of white beauty. Burned coffee beans, overtook the scent of stale air. Filling my mug I took a careful sip, the strong taste of straight black making me grimace. They say it’s an acquired taste, they never say how long it takes to acquire it though and it has been a couple of months. The only reason I drank it was because it was the only thing that made me feel alive for the few hours I needed to leave my domain. Grabbing a towel I wrapped it around the mug and carried it outside. It was still cold, but not freezing, and seeing as I never come out of a hoodie, it was manageable. I sat down on creaky wood, taking a couple more sips as I watched the sky slowly change colors. The trees whistled as the wind blew the last remnants of winter off the ground. Taking a deep breath, the soft scent of fresh water enveloped my senses, matching the graying clouds above. A part of me knew I was going to hate the feeling of my soaked clothes if I stayed, but another part of me couldn’t bring myself to get off the front steps. It had been so long since I’d felt the feeling of water droplets against my skin. This winter has been nothing but harsh air that seemed to coat your lungs and leave an ice overlay on every surface. Thunder resonated from afar. I raised my head, ready to feel a cold splatter when instead something soft kissed my cheek. My eyes fluttered open as I looked around, trying to see if a leaf was swept my way when they increased by two sizes at what I saw. The clouds were still gray, but floating down were multicolored petals, lotus petals. They had the shine as if they were covered in a light glaze of water. Reaching out I let the tip of my finger touch one, an aura of light seeming to encompass it the closer it came. As soon as it touched my skin, it turned into a swirl of warm flames, dancing onto my hand until it shaped itself into a little girl. She danced along my arm, her movements filled with nothing but joy, until the wind whisked her away. Instantly I was taken back to when I was that young and the only thing that worried me was the sun going down, making me have to go to bed. Shaking, I reached out to touch a beautiful royal blue petal. At my touch it swirled around my arm, making its way around my neck and to my cheeks, kissing at the tear-marked paths. The sticky feeling was replaced with a light feeling of water. I immediately choked up, every touch of the petals causing darkness to rise. I spent the entire winter burying my feelings, the memories, the harsh reminders. Flames of color danced around me and warmth spread through me at the sight. The sight enveloped me, the blustering wind becoming nonexistent. The purples and the red mixed to bring my darkest memories to life. They dissipated into gray shatters, while the other colors came together to bring me hope, kissing my etched wrists, brushing my tears away, weaving themselves through my locks. I was very aware that this couldn’t be real, that I must still be asleep. Even so, I didn’t care. With each petal, I felt more alive than I have in a long time. Tears fell freely but I didn’t feel sad, I felt relief. Sobs escaped my lips as I went under a wave of remembrance. It swept through me, the pain, the anger, the sadness. Everything that caused me to use the cold as an excuse to not leave my room. But a flurry of red petals, but not red like the eyes of anger but, red like sunkissed roses, surrounded me. They dissipated in a shower of what I can only say was shimmer. I closed my eyes, allowing the feeling that they left to comfort me. It made the cold wave evaporate, the memories burning away like aflame photos one after another. A breath I didn’t know I was holding escaped and with that, I felt whole again. The cracks that decorated my inner being started to bind. My heart, which sent shockwaves of pain through my chest with every pump, became unnoticeable. Opening my eyes I looked up at the petals turning their natural color. They were still aglow and when I touched them they became wisps of pale pink. For a few minutes, I remained still as stone, watching each petal fall until the sky turned a soft blue and the rain seized. I stood with fresh energy, feeling new in familiar skin. The wind had stopped, and the sun peaked out, rays of sunlight touching the longing grass. I snapped my head as my alarm rang from inside and took one last moment to take a deep breath before walking inside, not realizing I had completely forgotten about my coffee.