text: October twenty first was the special day we met. As our five year anniversary gets closer I reminisce the fond memories we have created and hope to form future ones. The day you were born had a bright blue sky, cool weather that signaled the end of summer and an unexpected gift as it was the first time Gizmo, your mother, gave birth to her children in our home. The subtle cries in the house peeked our curiosity to search for the source of the sound. After minutes of searching, the bathroom was the last place. We opened the door and notice four little furry bodies and a bloody floor where we built a tent for Gizmo to comfortably give birth to her kittens. It was a joyous yet dreadful day as two of the kittens were born still but two were healthy identical brothers later named Droopy and Raptor. A few weeks passed and the two kittens were growing healthy. They were cute and small and at this point they were able to slightly walk with a few wobbles along the way. The bond between Raptor and Droopy was supposed to be unbreakable until I destroyed it. Unable to cater for three cats including the individuals living in our apartment. The struggle was not only unbearable but becoming unmanageable. I had recently been through a break up and was severely wounded. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and the only thing keeping me going was the innocence and pureness of the kittens. The last week of November was the last day all three of them would be together and that day came and went. The days and nights became cold and sad. The memory of giving Gizmo and Droopy away was painful. The sight of foster homes coming to pick them up in cages. I requested to have them adopted together and they promised they will. I kiss Gizmo farewell and pet her one last time and thank her for all the years and memories she gave me. She was a loyal, kind soul. She was always there for me through thick and thin. Tears well up my eyes as I recall the day. Gizmo purrs and rubs on me but at that moment I knew that she would be better off at another home who could cater to her needs and give her a filling loving life without struggles. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks and its followed by a tiny yet powerful purr. Raptor makes his way towards me wobbling from learning to walk, circles around my legs and eventually cuddles against my legs to keep me company. At this point I sob alone in my room at the fact that I solely separated his family. I vowed to be the best cat mom, but the guilt engulfed me in the end. One year is enough for a lot of things to happen. It was all I needed. Within the following year, Raptor became more of a male cat as he was destined. He was small with a huge head for his body but was loyal and sweet. He was a hyperactive cat but mellow at times. In this year he would get sick with worms for two months and fleas and end up at the hospital. Once again, I felt ashamed of owning a cat since I failed to take care of him. I felt resentment from him and that he hated me for being a horrible cat mom. It took me one year to realize my answer. The days grew long and tiring. Raptor was constantly visiting the vet once a week. He would get the worms out of his body and in two days they would re appear in the feces. He would meow loudly all around the house every day from being in heat. He was starting to lose weight from the worms eating him alive and the fleas not wanting to leave his body. It was excruciating to watch him suffer. His once happy eyes became dull and sad. His walk became more lethargic every day. I wanted Raptor to be a happy cat and at one point I considered giving him up for adoption since the only thing I could do was make him sick and unhappy. Even after all of this, Raptor would make his way to me in the middle of the night, get under the sheets and keep me company as I sleep. He always managed to comfort me and looked happy being next to me. During the day he would come and lick my hand and face. He would bring his favorite toy and still want to play with me even though he was not healthy enough. Raptor would jump from the highest point from his cat tree, a squeak sound comes out of his mouth and gallops his way to the sofa where I would sit. He would gently stare at my eyes and gently lay his head on my legs. I would caress his fur gently and lay my hand on his tiny waist to comfort him and let him know that he was not alone. This continued for weeks until he contracted scabies. His immunity was almost nonexistent. He was placed on watch at the vet for two months. I would visit him daily and at times I would stay with him until closing time. Raptors eyes would light up when he noticed me in the room. I would gently touch his face and talk to him even though he didn’t understand me, but maybe he did. I would tell him to get better so we can hang out more and intime he did. He was released from the hospital just in time for Easter. I rearranged his cat tree, bought him his favorite treats and new toys he would enjoy hoping our bond would strengthen. The night everything changed was stormy. Raptor and I were watching television when the power went out. I immediately stood up and turned some candles on and grabbed the portable air conditioner. It circulated carbon dioxide into fresh air. I built a little fort for Raptor to make him feel comfortable at a time like this but instead he was by the window enjoying the light show. His eyes lit up from the lightning, his ears perched at the sound of thunder. He turned his head to me and I could see his eyes were wide and dilated from happiness and excitement. I raised the blinds up, turned the candles off and let the lightning fill the room. I called for Raptor to keep me company on the sofa and he did. I felt the need to talk to him. It was silly but I did. I had a heartfelt conversation with him. One I should have had a long time ago. I started with: “I know that you probably hate me, but I want to apologize for separating you from your family. I am not a good owner, but I love you. You are not only a pet to me but a friend. The only friend I can trust and will always love me and not judge me...” My thought drifts to an epiphany. “I always thought you hated me but you are a cat and all you have done for me was help me heal. Even though I only cause you pain, the only thing you have shown me has been loyalty, kindness, and unconditional love...” I stop midsentence laughing hysterically at the silly realization. “That is it...You don’t hate me. All you give me is unconditional love. I am an idiot. Thank you, Raptor for helping me heal and always loving me even in my worst times. I know you are only a kitten but you make a difference. I promise to only give you the best of all worlds. You cannot speak to let me know what I am doing is right or wrong but that is okay. Together we will figure it out.” I say to raptor as he sleeps in my lap and continues to loudly purr. I cover him with the nearest blanket and watch the rainy show. Months passed by and he was finally flea free. I invested in preventative medicine, had him nurtured which helps expand his life. Bought him quality food, many scratchers, window perches, taught him to use a harness to safely go out and had him vaccinated every year. Raptor and I build a bond strong enough that the guy I dated didn’t like Raptor I would break it off with them as Raptor was family to me and refused to lose him the same way I lost his family. The guy can leave anytime but Raptor was one of a kind. He would stay until it was time for him to go. Raptor and I would make memories going hiking, walking in the park, binge watching movies. He was the best friend anyone wished for. During a breakup he would lick the tears away and lay next to me and purr me to sleep. During Raptor’s sick moments I would make a bed next to me and I would keep him company until he was feeling better. February twenty fourth something unexpected happened at work. The company hired a new male employee. We spend the majority of our time together with the graveyard shift. That day the sky was clear blue and air was chilly. We both realized we had feelings for each other the more time we spent together. He did not care about owning animals because it came with a lot of responsibilities, but he accepted Raptor. He came over to our apartment one day and soon the guy grew fond of Raptor. In a blink of an eye the years flew by and Raptor would showcase his personality more. The sassiness he would get when told no. The gentle cuddles he would give in bed and sofa. The way he would follow me around the house being not only a partner but a bodyguard. The different faces he would make when he was sleepy, moody, happy, sad and more. The most powerful sign of trust he would show me was when he would lay on his back and expose his stomach for me to touch. It took me a while to accept that Raptor trusts me. It was a relief as for many months I thought the opposite and now it was made clear by him showing me that he trusted me. He would carry his tinsel ball in his mouth and would bring it to me to inform me it was play time. At times he would sneak into his snacks or would make a loud noise to let me know he wanted some. We had become inseparable. The bond I once severed with his brother, I managed to give to him. Raptor was one of a kind.