text: The cool air smelled like pine trees and bon-fires. A smokey and wild smell that felt refreshing to Jack’s tired mind. His fingertips padded the steering wheel softly, mimicking the classic rock fighting through the static and into the dark cab of his 1996 Chevy pick-up. He rubbed his right eye lazily and yawned towards the open road stretched out in front of him. It had been a long time since Jack had been this far out of town. He hadn’t even wanted to go, but of course Janet was stubborn as hell and almost pushed him out of the house. “Winter is almost here and I can’t have you huddled up, stuck in this house with me, driving us both crazy.” She had said opening the door and handing him his usual bag. “What if something happens while I'm out? That baby is going to be here any day now Honey” Jack argued. He meant what he said, but she was right of course. He’d go crazy for the next month waiting for their baby to pop out if he didn’t get this one last, end of an era, trip. Jack knew they both needed it. Janet’s hand mindlessly stroked her now very large belly as she looked at Jack, eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled down at each side. “Get out. I ain’t taking no for an answer. You need this. So do I.” She gently pushed him outside the door, kissed him lightly, and handed him his keys. She shut the door behind him and that was that. He figured that going somewhere he’d never been before might be a good way to get his mind off of everything. With the baby’s approaching arrival, he often found himself buried in upcoming expenses that he couldn’t have imagined eight months ago. He was fairly certain Janet had no idea what their bank account looked like, and therefore was spared the feeling of dread that seemed to follow him around their house. Which, he thought, was probably for the best. He knew of a nice remote area a couple hours outside of his small hometown that he was hoping would be a perfect place. The location had been mapped out on his planner for months, just waiting to be used. He had never liked going to the same place twice, and since this would be his last trip for a while, he thought carefully choosing the locale was the best thing to do. Janet used to love going with him. She would get a flush of excitement just talking about it. Animatedly going over the details with him for days, her cheeks would get pink just remembering it all. She would always show up with her stringy brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, her favorite black boots that Jack insisted were unnecessary, and her muddy brown eyes open wide with eager expectation. He loved teaching her; picking out the right spot, what to bring, how to dress, what kind of gun was best for the day, and of course how important it was to stay quiet. She soaked up his lessons like a thick dry sponge, asking questions the whole ride there and beaming with pride on the way back. That’s what he had first loved about her. She was so ready to be a part of his life that she jumped right in with him every chance she got. Jack had known her getting pregnant would mean that she wouldn’t be joining him much longer, and he assumed it was for the best. He could remember their last trip together and thought about how the light had shriveled away from her eyes. She had backed away from him when they got there, and hadn’t touched her gun once the whole time. He felt a cold indifference that he had never seen from her. The month after that trip they were putting up their new baby crib. That same fire that used to ignite inside of her was now glowing down on their many early purchases. The crib was almost entirely put together when he started talking. “What do you think about another trip after the baby’s born?” He prodded, hoping that she’d excitedly recall the trip before. But instead she just shrugged, her eyes cast downward. “I know the money helps, I guess I just have other things to think about now. You know...” She trailed off, not really needing to finish the sentence as they sat surrounded by brightly colored baby clothes. It didn’t bother him that she wanted to go less, he was happy that she was so focused on giving him a beautiful healthy child and he wanted nothing more than to see that baby in her arms. They had both always wanted kids, it was one of the first things they had agreed on. As much as he loved going out on his adventures, he loved the idea of having a family more. Someone to come back to after a long day was worth more than anything, he thought. And Janet would always be there for him, she had said so a couple hundred times. He imagined that this trip being pushed on him was a last gift to him, something to keep him happy until it was okay to go back, which could be a long time he knew. As one song melted into the next he noticed the familiar red and green buzzing lights up ahead, their bright faces a beacon in the dark countryside. The sign reading “OPEN 24 HOURS” blinking in the black night, bugs flying around it like addicts to the neon god. He knew the gas station would be empty this far out of town at this late hour and he knew this was exactly the area he had planned to end up at. Pulling into the parking lot was as familiar as holding his wife’s hand, but still his heart beat a little faster as his tires sped over the rough gravel and stopped in the first space available. His bag was sitting on the seat next to him and he leaned over to unzip it slowly, appreciating the anticipation that always wiggled through his stomach. Inside he felt his familiar belongings, Janet knew what he would have needed. The black cloth that he felt between his fingers was soft and light, a great piece that he had picked up years earlier. He used to use a knitted ski mask but the fabric was too thick and warm and he didn’t like feeling constricted during these trips, it was supposed to be fun. The mask he held was similar in shape but thin and made of spandex instead. It always felt likely to show too much but it hadn’t disappointed him yet and it did the trick. He pulled the material over his head and stretched it down over his ears, the excitement building up once again. Looking in the mirror he smiled to himself, proud that he had come as far as he had without being caught. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the last item from his bag, a small and lightweight 9mm handgun, and stuffed it into his waistband. He had only ever used it three times. Warning shots to wannabe heroes that tried to interfere. He’d never killed anyone, he wasn’t sure he could if the situation called for it, but he liked to think so. Janet was always too afraid to even point her gun at anyone, she used to say that they could probably get the same results without the guns, but Jack thought that was too risky. And anyways, he liked it, it made him feel so much more in control, which was the best part about the trip. Jack had started this hobby because of a simple and universal need for more cash. He had just lost a large sum in a relentless poker game, and he felt that he really had no choice. He didn’t expect to like it as much as he did. The absolute power that coursed through his veins became addictive. Being in total control was something he rarely experienced in his life except on these trips, when nothing could stop him. The car door slammed behind him as he casually walked up to the front entrance. The familiar ding announcing his presence as he pushed the handle and slowly walked in. Nothing was unique about this place. It's fluorescent lights bounced off the white checkered tile below his feet and lit up the whole store like it was daylight. He could smell pine floor cleaner and stale hot dogs, the scent filling his memories of past trips. The room was fairly small with only four or five aisles, loaded with various chips and small brightly labeled items. It was quiet except for the barely audible instrument playing over the speakers, the elevator music making the store feel even smaller. Behind the counter sat a scrawny kid, barely 18 years old. Greasy hair hung low over his face and wrapped around to the back of his head. His eyes were closed and his cheek was leaned against one hand, drool gleaming on the skin of his palm. Jack chuckled to himself before he lifted the 9mm and tapped it on the counter, the hard plastic sounding louder than it should have in the small quiet store. The cashiers eyes flew open, his glasses falling to the bridge of his nose and his hand slamming down on the table in surprise. He looked at Jack with shock, his sleepy eyes taking in the situation and the gun in jacks hand, seemingly unable to grasp what was happening. He stuttered but didn't move. Smart kid, Jack thought, at least there won’t be any heroes tonight. “Alright listen, I think it’s pretty obvious why I’m here. Money, now. Put it in the bag.” he set his bag on the counter next to the kid and pointed his gun at it. “O-o-okay...uh o-okay” the kid stammered, his pale complexion even whiter than it was before. He reached for the register and started to open it. Jack felt pleased with himself. He thought about how many times he had done this. How comfortable he felt now. The kid's face looked scared, but Jack felt great, he felt alive. His heart started beating faster and his nerves twitched. He supposed that it was wrong to most people, but he wasn’t hurting anyone, not unless they made him. He just wanted the excitement and adrenaline rush. He thought of himself similar to a skydiver or a racecar driver, it was a sport to him. He watched the kid put his bills into the bag, probably no more than two or three hundred dollars, but the money wasn't really what Jack wanted anyway. It helped, especially with the baby on the way and he supposed that was why Janet allowed him to keep going. But no matter how often he tried to convince himself that it was only for the money, he couldn’t deny how it made him feel. When he was done, Jack zipped the bag closed and decided to pick up some snacks while he was here. He usually wouldn't have turned his back on the clerk. He usually wouldn't have even considered doing so. But he felt confident this time, he felt on top of the world. He was a pro and this kid was too scared shitless to try anything. So he did, he turned away and started walking towards the aisle with all the chips. He barely heard the gun being cocked behind him. He definitely hadn’t noticed that the kid had kept looking below the counter when he was giving him the money. There was a faint yet audible click from behind Jack. The gunshot rang through the store with so much ferocity that it seemed to shake everything, like the whole building could have been falling down. A ringing filled his ears as he took in a deep breath. The lights seemed brighter than he remembered, their buzzing reminded him of a bug light, the kind he and Janet had on their front porch. Everything swam in front of his vision silently, dancing around him like some strange animated movie. Suddenly he noticed how tight his sweater was, clinging uncomfortably to his skin. He tried pulling at it but when he took his hands away he could only see bright red glaring back at him. Jack felt pain racing through his shoulder as he fell against the ground. Blood soaking through his top jacket and staining the white floor beneath him. The pain was so sharp that jack could barely remember where he was and what had happened. He was so confident that everything would be fine. Images of his new baby in Janet’s sweet arms filled his mind. What would they do without him? The agony through his right side was unbearable. He hated himself just then, he hated that he needed this last trp, and that Janet was waiting for him at home. He hated that he had turned around and let the kid get the better of him. The buzzing came back first, bouncing off the walls of his eardrums painfully. He could distantly hear the sound of the sirens barreling down the quiet road. Not being able to feel much of his arm or back, he thought he was probably pretty lucky to be alive. As the sirens got closer, Jack closed his eyes tight against the red hot fire burning it’s way along his side. He pictured Janet opening the front door for him and smiling brightly as ever, and somehow this made the pain feel even worse.