text: Rebecca ruffled her black bobbed hair as she came out of the water, leaving glistening drops of salt water sparkling in the summer sun. She smiled a wide, toothy grin at me, and I found myself staring. “Can’t swim, Dolly?” she lightly teased, flicking the surface of the water with the tip of her fingers, a light splash landing against my bare stomach. My heart beat heavy in my chest. “I just don’t want to get my hair wet!” I said, shaking my head to clear it. The New England sun beat down on us, surprisingly intense for September. I trailed behind Rebecca deeper into the ocean as it become cooler and cooler as we waded away from the shore. “Be careful; you don’t want to step on any crabs,” she said before pushing herself onto her back and floating among the light swells of the water. I followed her lead, drifting so that my head bobbed near hers. “Fuck, this feels too good,” I sighed as the water washed over me. “How come you never took me out here before? I know you hide out here all the time.” Rebecca paused before replying. “I just need to spend some time by myself every once in awhile, you know?” “Yeah, I get it.” I rolled my head to the side to take a look at my friend suspended beside me. Rebecca’s eyes were closed. She always seemed so relaxed since the time we first met, two years prior. I bet she never had a tense bone in her body. Maybe coming out to the beach alone was what kept her more sane than our fellow classmates. “So what are your plans for next year?” she asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over us. “Hmm,” I mused, “Join the Peace Corps? Or maybe the circus?” I grinned at the thought of that, being a twenty-two old trapeze artist, or maybe a lion tamer. It was ridiculous to think that way, but anything felt like it could have been real when I was floating in Narragansett Bay with Rebecca. “One hell of a way to use polisci degree,” she giggled in response. “But seriously, Doll, I’m going to miss you.” “Hey, I’m just kidding,” I said, turning myself upright and treading water. “I’m not that desperate to leave this crappy little town. I might be able to get a job with the state; I know a guy who knows a guy.” “Isn’t that always how it is?” Rebecca said. She turned herself upright and swam beside me. “Political. Corruption.” She rounded her vowels so she sounded haughty and dramatic. She let out a laugh. “Nepotism, maybe,” I said. “Be right back,” Rebecca said with a smirk as she dove into the water. Before I could reply she was gone. I looked to the horizon and saw that the sun was beginning to set in shades of orange and purple. College. Family. Money. The future. All of the stresses of life felt so fake in that moment. All there was around me was the ocean and all the colors of the sky. *Rebecca, how the hell long does it take to wet your hair?* I thought after a moment. Suddenly, a strong grasp took ahold of my thigh. “SHIT.” I gasped as I sunk further into the water, arms instinctively flailing above me. *Shit shit shit. This is how I go out.* I tried to thrash my legs to stay afloat, but I could only move the left, the right being immobilized by whatever had grasped me below. I held my breath, preparing for the water to overtake me, when I was suddenly freed. Rebecca popped up beside me, another wide grin on her face. I gasped for air, mainly from panic, as I hadn’t actually breathed in any water. “What the hell Rebecca?” I demanded. She smile faded. “Damn, Dolly, you’re really scared of drowning, aren’t you?” “You knew I was full of shit when I said I didn’t want to get my hair wet, didn’t you?” I replied. “Not cool.” “Okay, okay, Doll. You win. I’m sorry, that was a messed up thing for me to do.” My heart rate was decreasing. “Fine. Just try not to scare the shit out of me, okay?” “Promise,” Rebecca replied. I shook my head and took a deep breath as we stood in the muddy sand at the bottom of the ocean. “Sun’s setting,” I said at last, “We should head back to shore.” As I turned to point to the sand, a glimmer caught my eye. In an instant, a chain of lights had formed across the distant shoreline, like a string of white Christmas lights following the dimly-lit coast. The chain stretch in either direction along the sand, formed of faint, floating spheres that ominously bobbed as though they were suspended in their own, unseen ocean. A few small gaps were left in the chain, most of which didn’t seem to interrupt the pattern, except in perhaps one or two spots. “What the hell?” I muttered. “Dolly.” Rebecca said with surprising intensity. I turned to her as she touched my shoulder, breaking my stare at the lights. “What?” I asked. She held me by both shoulders, the setting sun reflecting off of her blue eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me,” she said with eyes wet with more than just seawater. “I won’t leave you,” I promised. Rebecca didn’t reply to this, but threw her arms around me and pressed her face into my neck. I found my arms wrapping around the lower half of her one piece bathing suit. “Who the hell knows what will happen next year? Is this about running off the the circus? Rebecca, I told you I was just kidding.” I stumbled over my words. “Just hold me,” she murmured. And so I did. When we finally returned to the shore, the lights were gone as though part of a dream. The muted remains of a dream about Rebecca, the future, and Narragansett Bay. ~~~ A week later Rebecca called my cellphone and told me to meet her at that same beach. I climbed out of my mother’s old Jeep and stood on one of the rocks at the edge of the parking lot, wondering when Rebecca, perpetually tardy, would arrive. I stared at the sea from my rock, this time the sun almost completely set behind the horizon. I had pulled a sweatshirt over my bikini to shield myself against the chilling air, and I absently swung my arms by my side as I waited. “Hey girl,” said a voice behind me. Rebecca stood, holding up a battery-powered lantern. “Help me with something?” “Sure?” I replied, unable to read her expression in the dim light. She had a flat-bottom canoe strapped to the roofracks of her Toyota Prius. “Took it from my old man,” she giggled. “My family never buys stuff like this. I love kayaking, though,” I told her as I helped lift the boat from the racks and bring it towards the shore. It took a decent amount of effort with just the two of us, but it was resting at the shoreline by the time the last rays of sun slipped behind the outstretched ocean. The ocean was eerily calm as we launched the canoe, lantern lighting our way. The only sound was our breath and the lapping the ocean against the side of our vessel. “What a lovely night,” I said, looking at the stars that stretched across the sky. There was no sign of the lights that had littered the shore during my prior visit to the bay. Their bobbing shapes felt almost like a faded memory, or perhaps a figment of my imagination. The stars, the lantern, and the faint interior lights of expensive homes along a further ridge were all that remained. Rebecca sat opposite me, simply nodding to my comment in the darkness. She hummed a tune under her breath, something soft and sweet, but oddly nostalgic. “What’s that?” I asked. “Do you like singing? You’ve never sung for me before.” Rebecca gave me an oddly sad smile but decided to fulfil my request. Her voice began very softly, so soft I could barely hear her over the ocean, but slowly gained strength as the song dragged on. The notes and harmonies that came from her mouth enchanted me to the point that I could not even absorb the words. Her range was incredible, as well as her control of vibrato. I had been in the school chorus in my middle school days, and hadn’t given acapella singing a though since. She carefully stood in the canoe towards the end of her performance as the final chorus crescendoed. The last of the melody dissipated into the cool evening air as she held out her hand to me. I took it and and stood alongside my beautiful Rebecca. Her hands were warm against the cold September air. “Dolly. Dolores,” she whispered. She placed her hands on my waist. “You’re incredible,” I whispered back, leaning closer to her, my hands finding a place to rest on her shoulders. “I don’t want you to leave.” I was a bit puzzled by her comment. “I’m not? I thought I told you that.” Rebecca pressed her lips against mine without saying another word. I could taste her orange lipstick and nightly milk tea on her lips and tongue. When I kissed her back she pressed herself harder against me, the intensity somewhat overwhelming, but certainly not in a bad way. We stayed like that for a long, amazing moment. The girl who I had always loved. The one I was too afraid to tell, for fear she would be disgusted by me. She was the one to break the kiss. “Yes, yes you are,” she murmured. At first I thought I was too lovestruck to move, too lost in the moment to have full control of my body. It took me a frightening long moment to realize that I was paralyzed. I could breathe and blink, but nothing more. “I’m sorry, Dolly. I’m so sorry. I love you, I really do, but I can’t help this.” Rebecca gently touched my shoulder. My heart thundered in my chest but I could not say a thing as tears began streaming down her face. She gave me a peck on the cheek before grasping my other shoulder and casting me into the sea. My eyes were transfixed as I floated to the bottom of the ocean. I saw a chain of lights, somewhat broken, that would once again become whole that evening. Another ghostly spirit was on its way to join their midst. I could see the eyes of my lovely Rebecca, staring down at me past floating auburn hair and salty waves. I could see the true sadness in her, but with an overarching sense of duty that lead her to what she had done. In the end, as I inhaled the watery depths of Narragansett Bay, I came to a place of peace. I hold nothing against her. *“I have seen them riding seaward on the waves Combing the white hair of the waves blown back When the wind blows the water white and black. We have lingered in the chambers of the sea By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown Till human voices wake us, and we drown.