text: I've had this feeling for a while now. Like something is plainly wrong. No there’s no monster chasing after me, no stalker. It’s as something in my world is straight up missing. I wake up and see my room. All my stuff is there, but it’s accompanied by a strange void. You can’t see or hear it, but I can definitely sense it. There’s no better way to explain it than a pure lack of existence. At first it was a couple of seconds at the time, similar to spacing out. Like daydreaming without the dream part. I thought it was normal, I mean everyone gets lost in their thoughts sometimes, but then it began to happen more and more often. Maybe I should explain it a bit better. Although the void itself is always there these lost moments (as I started to call them) are what I would describe as getting sucked in it. I can feel everything, but I’m not really in control of myself. I don’t act crazy, of course, it just feels like someone else is pulling the strings. As if I’m a guest in my own life. As I said the first couple of times it was very short, maybe a minute at most. Lately it’s been a lot longer, a few hours and on rare occasions days. That’s when I became scared. I had no idea when the lost moment is going to hit or where I’ll be when it happens. I missed family dinners, meetings with friends, holiday celebrations, important business meetings and so on. But worst of all is the fact that I missed my son’s fourth birthday. That devastated me. His other mommy recently left us and it really took a toll on him. He’s only four, but sometimes it feels like a lot more than that. He cried so much during that time, so the birthday was a light at the end of the tunnel. I missed her too, of course, but I did my best to smile through it and organize a good birthday party. The day finally came, and just as guests started to gather, I felt the void slowly coming over me. I’m not even going to try to describe the helplessness I felt at that moment. I was gone for the whole day. No one noticed a thing. I doubt I would have done anything different if I was in control, but I can’t help than feel guilty. I wasn’t there for my son when he needed me the most. Since then it’s been happening every day. I don’t know how much I can take anymore. More and more of my life is passing by me and I can’t do anything about it. I didn’t try telling anyone, they’d think I went crazy after losing her. I tried to keep this as short as possible but if someone knows anything about my condition please help. I don’t want to be a viewer in my own life. Please.