text: As Gill admired herself proudly sporting her Queen of the South shirt in the mirror , she turned left and right , approved of her own curvature and decided to finish dressing. Her stomach curvature looked particularly strong in the football shirt , not slim , curvaceous but not overly , and she was voluptuous which diminished its proportion. She worried a little about what she would look like pregnant and by her own admission did as little exercise as she could get away with. It wasn't laziness but pure exercise and athleticism really wasn't in her DNA. Dancing , parties , cycle and hiking holidays , beach fun , mountains , there had to be more , an element of the intrepid , and honestly , rich Scottish food to an English black girl was a bugger to resist. Sausage rolls , pies , soups , square sausage and even the maligned but much celebrated haggis were cultural icons and consumed with gusto and frequency. Morning sickness wasn't her issue today though , as her love and lifelong Queens fan , Gary , appeared from the bedroom , dressed in a very complete attire - leather boots , blue jeans , blue Queens shirt , blue and white Queens scarf , blue and white woolly hat , but with a decidedly green hue around the gills. 'Oh , babe, are you alright , you don't look 100%. 'Big game , love , derby and all that,' he mumbled , as he pulled on his blue hoodie and quickly stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'll be fine once I eat'. She knew there was something else , he'd been a bit subdued lately , it felt like more. She'd catch him pacing up and down in the bedroom and he'd shrug and head out with his speed racer. As they left the flat , she linked her arm in her sullen suitor's and strode along Buccleuch Street towards the baker's. The gentle tailwind was ushering them towards the old football ground , when around the corner Eddie 'Egg' Mullen (Gary's best friend and swaggering officionado on all things Dumfries from a local male perspective) turned , opened his arms widely and bellowed 'Gazza! Gazzarotti! Gazmatazz , my man , how're you on this fine Dumfers day? And , you Gill , can you smell the fear? Can you feel the trembling arses of Ayr United? Are you ready to bathe in the tears of the vanquished!' he yelled , more to the two white shirted opponents across the road who replied in kind with simultaneously flipped middle fingers. 'Calm down , Egg , we're not even at the ground yet.' And from Gill ,'We're fine Egg ,thanks' 'Just warming up for the big one. Did you know , Ayr play in white coz its the colour of surrender? C'mon let stop at Caven's on the way , my shout!' 'Oh , Gary's feeling........' '...Fine,' Gary interrupted , 'sounds good,' he added as Egg threw his arm around his friend's shoulder and the three crossed the road to the local pub. Egg held three fingers up to the local barman ,'Three pints of Solway , please , mate' and they stood in the noisy packed bar , as it always was on match day. Gill excused herself and headed to the ladies bathroom. Something wasn't right , Gary too subdued , Egg more vivacious and excited than normal. She knew before moving here the area had a bit of a drug reputation but put it down to harsh stereotyping. Egg was always , well , egging Gary on to go out , do normal laddish things , head to Ireland and Glasgow or Edinburgh for boys weekends , but she just took it to be normal healthy steam release. As she left the bathroom and fronted the bar , Egg handed her the pint and she noticed his was half full already and Gary was on to his second drink. 'Thirsty were we , boys?' 'Bit of Dutch courage , Gill , for the battle ahead,' said Egg as he unconsciously flicked the side of his nose twice with an index finger. Gill was mildly alarmed by this. The TV was replaying Queens cup triumphs in the previous rounds and , typically , Ed Sheeran was gaily crooning in the background about an English man and a Galway girl as amber beer flowed and the sun glinted in through the gloom of the pub like heaven's own fingers. 'Back in a minute,' Gary said as she turned her gaze from the TV and both Gary and Egg were heading off to the gents bathroom. Together. Gill nervously looked at the clock , thinking they'd need to head to the ground shortly. But , again her thoughts returned - they went to the bathroom.Together. Guys going to the bathroom together wasn't normal social convention and she doubted he'd suddenly fallen head over heels for his best mate and was ready to launch out of the closet. But it was Scottish League Cup day and she really didn't want to spoil it. The guys returned , bantering and jostling in their opinions now , Gary's gloom seemed to have lifted , a placid smile crossing his face. Again , Egg flicked his nose and said ,' My makeup's good , should we head up now?' And with that they walked the short way along Buccleuch Street , across the Buccleuch Bridge and turned right along Terregles Street to the ground , Egg and Gary now swaggering along again and singing Queens of the South chants. As they made their way into the ground Gary was patting his pockets for the tickets but kept his left hand in his hoodie pocket as he did so. Again , Gill felt a twinge of anxiety at the possibility of him hiding anything from her but there's a time and a place for an explanation so she turned her attention to the teams now running on to the field. An intense battle for possession ensued , Queens strung some nice passing together down the Ayr United flanks but the final cross was either too long for the striker or intercepted by some tenacious defence from Ayr's full backs. Queens rained the Ayr goal with corners. Three shots and two headers had been swallowed by the opposition goalkeeper before half time. Straight into the second half and Henderson , Queens main striker , had slid in to reach a cross low cross. As the ball deflected off his foot past the goalkeeper it hit the outside of the post and rolled out of play. Gill , Gary and Egg's faces puffed out as one. The mood was resolute but optimistic as Ayr's goalkeeper launched another 70 metre goal kick into the Queens penalty box. As the Queens defender jumped in the air , he headed the ball clear and collided with the Ayr striker who fell to the ground like a car had run over him , rolling around in enhanced agony. Penalty! The referees' whistle blared as the crowd hurled a tidal wave of objections and abuse , 'Offside' , "Fifty-fifty challenge , ref' and ' Didn't touch him ref' were some of the more civilised retorts. Gill and Gary and were now clasping hands together squeezing tightly as Egg gripped each on opposite shoulders , all six eyes fixed on the now fully recovered enemy striker. He stood , hands on hips , looked at the referee to start his run up , nodded at the ref and charged towards the ball. As he pulled back his right leg and rifled through the ball it rocketed off to the right hand side as the goal keeper outstretched. The crowd let out a stuttered 'Oooooooooo-oooooh!' as it deflected off his hand and ricocheted hard off the front of the right hand post and into the field of play at the right edge of the penalty box. Egg let out a ,'Go , son. GO ON , SON!" as Henderson turned and charged upfield , kicking the ball ahead of him twenty feet at a time as he plundered the acres of empty space left on the field. White shirts charged after him in the distance and one defender was coming in diagonally from the other side of the field as the big striker turned diagonally to charge in on goal , both players zeroing in on the middle of the Ayr penalty box. Big Henderson was now on the edge of the box , the defender merely five metres away as he lined up the ball with his right foot. Gill turned to see Gary was no longer standing but kneeling on the ground as she cried ,'Oh, my fucking God , Gary!' ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** When Gary rolled out of bed that day aching , he consoled himself knowing if he could get through the game , everything would be fine. The game , eh? Staunch as he was , the derby had a distant feel to it as he'd arranged to 'accidentally' bump into Egg later and head off to the game. Just like any other Saturday, he thought as he smiled at the floor. His head thumped and nausea reminded why some experiences in life were rare occurrences. If he had to do this every week , it'd kill him. This was like a hundred derbies. He looked up and saw the light of his life , dancing and swaying as she sang into a hair dryer. He always found her dark skin irresistible against her white underwear as he peered along the hallway through the gap in the bathroom door. 'She played the fiddle in an Eng-lish band , And fell in love with a Scot-tish man, Kissed him on the neck and then I took him by the hand , Said ,'Baby , I just want to dance'.' He smiled at her bastardised version as he closed the bedroom door , dressed and sat on the bed as he dialled Egg. The call went to voicemail as Gary said 'Hey , mate. Just checking your all set and bringing you know what along. Fuck , I can't sleep. Head's cactus. Anyway , catch you on the way , mate , we'll be heading out soon.' He exhaled , stood slowly and placed a fist in front on his mouth as his guts roiled audibly. He swallowed and his cheeks deflated as he left the room and she was already standing in the hallway , resplendent bronze on blue. 'Oh , babe , are you all right , you don't look 100%' He mumbled an insincere , flippant reply , grateful of the concern but feeling hyperconscious that he really , really , didn't want to disappoint her. He'd done his best , he knew that , but it still felt like his nerves had eaten through to his spine all week. She'd moved from Carlisle , settled in his town , followed his football club and even had a pretty solid grasp of the offside rule. Hiding anything from her was horrible but Egg had always been there for him and this is how it had to go down. It just really did not feel fine , anything but. They met Egg down the street as Gary tried to make it look coincidental and not give anything away even though he noticed Gill's frown when he agreed to going to Cavens before the game. She went to the bathroom as he chugged down a pint faster than was medically advisable , swallowed hard and asked Egg , 'Have you got it?' Egg swallowed and placed his pint on the edge of the bar. 'Course , mate. Calm down , you're acting like a virgin at the school disco. Told you , you'll be fine. Another pint , when you get a sec , mate' he quipped to the bartender. Gill returned from the bathroom , as Gary was mid gulp and Egg handed her drink over. 'Thirsty were we , boys,' she said with an edge to her voice and Gary looked nervously over to his friend, now explaining it was preparation for the game as she raised her dark eyebrows in disapproval and looked over the bar lounge , taking in the setting. The sunny glow , the merriment and the busy excited chatter , and he thought he had never seen such beauty. 'Back in a minute,' he said as Egg accompanied him to the bathroom. Her eyes followed him and he couldn't maintain his gaze on her. Inside the bathroom he turned and Egg's fist was already held out as he dropped the small package into Gary's hand which he quickly stuffed into his pocket and puffed his cheeks out , blowing hard. Egg grasped his shoulder ,and said, 'You'll be fine' with a cheeky wink and walked back towards the bar. As the two appeared back in the bar , they began giving each other predictions. '2-0' said the brazen Egg to which he replied '2-1' and shrugged off a derisory snort of 'Poof' from his friend at his modest prediction. 'My makeup's good , should we head up now?' Egg said and they left together. Gary felt a glow and sense of relief now , Egg had come through and his pain would soon be over. As this feeling waved over him he began to chant alongside Egg all the way to the ground. He noticed Gill lagged behind slightly , a little bit distant , even sad , and he briefly wondered if he was doing the right thing. He rummaged for the match tickets careful to keep the merchandise clutched firmly in his left hand and they marched through to the stands as the teams strode out onto the field. The first half whizzed by in a blizzard of high tempo intent , hard work and no goals. Queens dominated without making it count where it mattered most. As the second half wore on it began to feel like the breakthrough would never come and as the ball sailed past the crowd into the Queens penalty box , and then the challenge went in , Gary's heart plummetted and he began to feel like time was running out in more ways than one. He squeezed Gill's hand tightly , thumping temple , eyes closed , dry mouth , Egg's hand firmly anchored on his shoulder , and as the crowd gasps changed to hope and elation , he seized the moment. Sensing the time was right , Egg yelled , 'Go son. GO ON SON' encouraging Gary now as he knelt , took the small package from his pocket and opened it on his right palm. As Gill turned open-mouthed at whatever was happening onfield , she said , 'Oh my fucking God , Gary!' at the now prone figure , as Henderson pulled back his right leg and rifled the bridge of his foot straight through the middle of the ball , Gary levered open the package to reveal the 1/2 carat mounted diamond , as the defender arrived in vain scything the triumphant striker down , Gary said ,'Gill.........will you marry me?'. He heard nothing as Gill mouthed the word the crowd echoed seven thousand fold : 'YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!'