text: I can’t sleep. The voices in my head. It hurts. Why am I like this? I try to act appropriately. I try to be good. But I can’t even finish my own god damn sentences. I’m so used to others cutting me off I started cutting myself off. I don’t deserve to finish my nonsense anyway. I can’t just speak my mind. I can’t explain my intentions because even I don't understand. My mouth dries up and my heart begins to race. I can hear it pounding so loud I forget what I am saying. Can’t they hear it too? I’ve made so many mistakes. And don’t deserve to be forgiven. I can’t even begin to count how many times I've said, “I’m sorry.” I try. I try to be clear. But my mind is so clouded. It’s a storm that never clears. The thunder drowns out any meaning. All these symbols. Can we all just stop giving things meanings like this? One object can have so many meanings to so many people. Even when there is one that has one direct meaning. A bad one. I can’t give my thoughts about it. What if this? What if that? There’s no excuse. That’s all this is, just an excuse. That’s all I am. A Disappointment A Psychopath. An Excuse. A sad excuse of human life. I can’t even hurt myself properly. I get scared, I'm so weak. I don’t want to express my hate. It’s too excessive. But, I can’t just say nothing. It gives the wrong opinion. But, I’ve spent time in the dark hiding this feeling. Hiding him. Why are the chains getting weaker? Was that all for nothing? Is this voice with me forever? Music used to help. It would drown out the voices. The beautiful stories each song on the radio hears. Ones that make you happy. Ones that make you cry. It would drown out the voices. But they have gotten louder. And I can still hear them. This is what I deserve. I usually don’t care. If I can go through life experiencing pain and misery. And others can live the perfect life. A life of peace. I would give anything for that. I don’t care about myself. Hardly anyone does. They don’t care. So why should I? I just want help, but I don’t know how to ask for it. I want to help others but how can I do that if I can’t even help myself? I don’t want to be a bother. Just like this story. It’s just nonsense. It’s just a bother. Sorry for wasting your time. Have a nice day. And just be a good person. You are loved by someone. You will be cared for. Don’t worry about me. I just want attention. I need to finish this before the voice comes back. Go on in life. And be safe. Give time to love yourself, before it’s too late. Talk to yourself every night. And say, “I love you.” Talk to others who can help. It’s ok to do that. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok It’s ok The clouds will go away someday.