text: 'Good morning Ms Miela!' announced a high-pitch cheerful voice. I opened my eyes and the world was still a blur. I still felt lethargic and I could doze off again if i stayed in my bed. My warm, cosy cotton comforter wrapped around me making me feel like a child again. I glanced at my bedside clock, 7.30 A.M in red lights glaring at me. 'Good morning Hadie' I responded sheepishly to Hadie, the lady that has been catering to my needs for the past following months. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and took a second to evaluate myself. I have aged significantly throughout the years. Strands of silver white face framed my once chiselled face, my eyes still piercing blue and the crow lines around my eyes were much visible. Although age has very much catch on with me, I've never hated the lines I gained. 'The itinerary for today will be breakfast and we have a special visitor for you later on' piped Miela as she propped me up from the bed. Miela was wearing her blue uniform and her hair was neatly bun up as always. Immaculately neat. 'A special visitor?' I frowned in confusion. while dwindling with my silk pyjamas. 'Yes, you'll see later on. Breakfast for today will be bacon and eggs, just the way you like it. Now off you go to shower' she responded as she ushered me towards the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and thought about what she said. Who was the special visitor? My husband, Elijah, should be at the day room at this timing. Elijah and I have been married for 43 years. Today is 1 st September 1991, which marked our 44 th Anniversary. We've decided to spend our golden days in this retirement home, Sunny Heights. We have two beautiful children together, Ezikiel and Bella. Both of our children are studying abroad and since the pandemic, they were unable to see us. Ezikiel and Bella are both a year apart, just in their early twenties. I miss them dearly and was hoping to see them soon. I got dressed quickly and headed towards the dayroom to look for Elijah. Hadie was busy preparing breakfast for the seniors and the smell of freshly fried eggs wafted through the white hallways. Next to Hadie was a blonde hair lady wearing a blue apron, assisting her with breakfast. She looks vaguely familiar but I can't seem to remember her. 'Hi there. My name is Miela. It's a pleasure to meet you' I said while extending my hand for a handshake. The woman looked at me with her kind brown eyes and paused for a bit. 'Hi Miela, I'm Rosette and I am the caretaker here. It's nice to meet you too' she replied while giving me a gentle handshake. Hmm, a new caretaker? That's nice. Miela could use some help around here especially with the new elderlies arriving. I realize I was still holding her hand thinking it through. I released my hand and scanned the room to find Elijah. Strangely enough, he was not anywhere in sight. 'Hadie darling, do you know where is Elijah?' I enquired politely. Hadie stopped tossing the bacon in the pan and turned to look at Rosette. They exchanged quick glances, almost a look of panic I would say. 'Well you could have your breakfast first Ms Miela, Mr Elijah is out for a walk' she responded while she tossed the bacon once more. Elijah loved morning walks, he was always the first to get up from bed before me and get about his day. I smiled to myself thinking of the flowers he would pick out for me at the sidewalk or the little stories he would share coming back from his walk. My sweet Elijah, my soulmate and lover. I first saw him when I was at the young age of nineteen, at the yearly carnival near to our hometown Chicago. He was the epitome of men to me. His dark hair grazed gently above his eyes, his dimples set so deep in his cheeks whenever he smiled. His laughter could be heard from a mile away, the type of laughter and smile that could end wars. I was mesmerised by his existence. We had a mutual friend who introduced us to each other and from that day onwards, I fell heads over heels. Soon enough, Elijah proposed to me and the rest was history. We had our trials and challenges throughout our marriage but I have always felt so much love for this being. As we grew older together, we never had a day apart. Days turned into months, months to years and I wish we had an infinite lifetime with each other. ‘Ms Miela, your guest is here. If you could make you way to the guest room’ whispered Hadie next to me. I was startled and jumped out of my seat a little bit. ‘Why thank you dear child’ I hurriedly replied as I was being scooted in the guest room. As I entered the guest room, my eyes wandered to the lilac walls and finally settled to the table where my guests were seated. There was a woman and a man whom look like they were in their mid-thirties I presume glancing at me, with a small child nestled in between them. ‘Hello mother’ the woman's voice was gentle yet stiff. Mother? I glanced around and back at her. She must have mistaken me for someone else. I caught her piercing blue eyes staring into mine and I couldn’t help but notice the pop of yellow she had on her nails. I had always painted my nails yellow in my younger days too. This was starting to feel odd. ‘I’m sorry sweetie, you must have mistaken me for someone else. I’m Miela. I’ll get Hadie to sort this out’ before I could turn away to find Hadie, I felt a small pull from beside me. ‘Grandma, it’s us! Did you forget us again?’ squeaked the little girl that had her hair tied in a ponytail. I froze in disbelief. Who were these people and what were they saying? I could feel my body tingling and my world was starting to spin. I sat down and stared at them in confusion. 'Sweetie could you please get Hadie? I think Mother is having one of her days again’ the blue eyed whispered to the man next to her. The man nodded briefly before disappearing to the hallway. ‘Mother it’s me, Bella. This is Laura, your granddaughter. We’re here to bring you home’ she said to me while reaching out for my hand. ‘What on earth are you talking about? My daughter Bella is much younger than you and she is away for school. I don’t find this amusing at all and it’s not very nice of you to do this to me, in fact I-‘ ‘Ms Miela, let’s get you to your room first shall we?’ Hadie interrupted as she brisk walk into the room. ‘Yes I would like that very much. I think these people are confused Hadie, they’ve mistaken me for someone else’ I half laughed while holding on to Hadie as we walked to my room. Hadie let it out a sad sigh and sat me down on the bed. ‘Ms Miela... I have something your diary here for you. You wrote in it every day. I would like you to read through your latest entries, I’ll be right here for you’ she whispered while handing me a tattered pink book. This was starting to feel familiar and I could feel my heartbeat thumping fast in my chest. I felt like a deer in the headlights, unable to understand what was going on but with the intuitive feeling that something definitely was not right. I flipped the journal to the latest entry. Wednesday, 12 December 1999. Dear Diary, Today the pain hurts too much. I feel like I’m drowning, the more I breathe the more breathless I get. It has been 3 months since my beloved Elijah has passed. I still see him in the hallways, his silhouette and shadows lurking in every corner. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Living feels like a burden to my old soul - why did he have to go before me? I remember everything about him every day, some days I forgot he has passed. My family has been trying to get me to come back to them but how could I possibly leave Elijahs memories here? My love, my soul, my heart. My heart is broken into pieces, into ashes and I have no hope to live on. I’m fading away and I want to be away. I want to be with Elijah. My love, my time will come soon and we will be reunited once more. Please wait for me. Always and forever. I gasped in shock and I could feel my cheeks getting wet. I felt the world caved from underneath me and somehow through this ordeal, Hadie was holding me together and that was the only thing that connected me to reality. I read more and more of the pages until I heaved into a helpless sobbing heap. I was diagnosed with dementia and I have had these days repeatedly. My journal entries felt like they were written by different people on different occasions. I have been living in 1 st September 1991 the last anniversary Elijah and I had together before cancer stole him away. I have had this day too many times, as my entries foretold. I stared at the photograph at my bedside table and my eyes drifted to the calendar next to it. 13 December 1999. I felt my head spinning, the world spiralling and I drifted into unconsciousness and darkness. ‘Ms Miela? Ms Miela?’ I felt a hand shaking me from my slumber. ‘Hello Hadie’ I smiled. I had the strangest dream, I couldn’t remember much of it. My head was throbbing too. ‘How are you feeling Ms Miela? Did you remember what happened?’ Hadie asked looking worriedly at me. ‘I had a bad dream. Could you get Elijah for me?’ I replied while yawning. 1 st September 1991 begins for me yet again. [a1]