text: I am getting married next year and I had this nightmare I wrote down. It made me cry in a way I rarely experience. I apologize for its inevitable typos and poor quality. I just had to share. Jaclyn, We were together for 8 magical years. Three blessed years of marriage. Every moment was amazing. It had its ups and downs but no one in the world could doubt our love. Nothing in the world matter besides you, then came that day. August 12th the day the world turned upside down. A rainy day, warm and gentle on my face as I wheeled you in the hospital, the doctor took you from me and told me to wait in the lobby. Four hours of pacing, four hours of never knowing what was coming next, no notice of progress or status. Then the nurse came out and said, “Mr. MacRory, please come with me.” I was brought to a hallway and shown a little girl in a pink cap and socks. My daughter, Melody, smiling back at me, I had never felt such joy. Then it all came crashing back. I was told there were complications with the birth and that my wife, my wife who was my rock, had not survived the violent birth. I was given a few minutes to say my good byes. How could I express my loss or say what I wanted to. How could I possibly say good bye to the woman who made very day brighter. I cried and said how much I loved you, or how I could never go on living without you. Two or three minutes I was given with her before I had to be removed from the room. Two minutes and that was the last time I ever saw that soft delicate face. I asked the nurse if you had seen your daughter before you left us. She said you had and that your face beamed with pleasure at seeing your little girl cry, before your heart gave out. I had to place you in the ground the same week that I had to care for our new and lovely daughter. It was the ultimate perversion. The joy in seeing my daughter, every moment with her is special, yet every time I saw her smile or see her eyes light up, I saw you, my wife who was not here to enjoy these moments. I went to your grave every night for 3 months and stared at that piece of rock that was all I had left of you. I struggled to keep a grip on my life for a bit, but I pulled through knowing you would have had I left you. After all, I had a wonderful new daughter, who would need to grow up knowing what a magnificent woman her mother was. Being a single dad was no picnic but I pulled through knowing there were others that counted on me. I also knew what I saw your face again that you, always joking, would have something witty to say had I failed. I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction of being able to say you would have done better. I was going to raise Melody to be as amazing and special as you were. I had a picture of you by my bed and I would look at it every night and softly cry in bed missing you lying next to me. I know you would always have something comforting to say to me. I would grade my student’s papers and come across something amusing and I would stand up to go show you and forget that the house was quiet and that I had no one to show this to. I started to get better day by day, time heals all wounds as they say. It never takes away the scars. I took Melody to figure skating classes knowing that you would have loved to see her doing her jumps and winning those trophies. Not only did she have your smile and eyes, she had your brain thank god. She succeeded in almost everything she tried. I raised her with not only my ideals but I would always considered what you would say when an issue aroused. I would always tell her stories about you and what an amazing person you were. It is something I can never forget. I miss you still after all these years, always stopping to look at a cat or a hummingbird knowing how much you would have smiled at those sights. Melody got into high school with incredible grades, not only finding success at figure skating but also taking up my skills at bowling. She won 3 gold medals in figure skating and made the varsity bowling team. I even, against my better judgment, gave her my blessing when she started dating her dancing partner Kurt, knowing you would have. She went to college and earned her doctorate in Pharmacology, something I know would have filled you with endless joy. She got a job testing new medication for cancers. Soon after she married her high school sweetheart like I did. Our granddaughter was born July 16th, your birthday. Melody named her after you. I held baby Jaclyn in my arms and my eyes filled with tears instantly, joy at having a beautiful healthy granddaughter, and immense sadness knowing you weren’t there to share this moment with me. I lost you 33 years ago. I never once took off my wedding band. I lay here in my hospital bed knowing I will finally get to see you soon. Melody is working around the clock trying to find something to slow the cancer eating at my body, but I know nothing can help. I feel dread knowing how she will feel losing her father, or knowing I will never get to attend my granddaughter’s graduation. I told her not to worry, but she has your stubbornness built deep inside her. I looked at that picture of you every night before I went to bed and talked to you, told you about my day and what was troubling me, knowing you would have known the right thing to say every time. I wish I had that picture with me now. Looking at your beautiful face would always ease my fears. Childish as it seems, I fear the end. I always feared the unknown. Tomorrow though I will be back in your arms a place that seems so far off and yet so familiar it seems like I last kissed you a few minutes ago. I have, since our first moment together, loved you. After losing you all those years ago, that love never ceased, and I will continue loving you into whatever awaits me. "After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure" I will see you soon my love, we have so much to catch up on..