text: My eyes open slowly. I wince in pain as my head hits the headrest of the passenger seat of a familiar car. It’s pounding so loud I can’t even hear myself think. But I have to. I have to focus. I have to get us out of here. I look to the left and immediately panic. “Neal? Neal, wake up!” I yell as I prompt myself up against the car seat so that I land onto my knees. My hands are tied together with duck tape so I kind of have to be creative as to how I can move around in this tiny space. “Neal! Neal! Wake up, Neal!” I scream again, even louder this time. I grab his shoulder and start shaking violently, but he doesn’t give any response. My breath gets caught in my throat as I start to panic even more. I feel a cold sensation reaching my feet. It feels wet. I guess my panic completely clouded my vision because it’s only now that I realize the seriousness of the situation. We are not just in a car. We are trapped in a car that is filling up with water as cold as ice. “Oh my God... Help! Please! Help!” Again, I shake Neal’s shoulder. I shake and scream but nothing I do wakes him up. Nothing I do wakes up my brother. “Help! Please, somebody, help!” I scream from the top of my lungs, slamming my hands against the car window. The water is rising higher and higher. I feel my whole body trembling from the cold. I desperately try to open the door but whatever I do, it does not budge. I look back over at my brother. His body is covered in blood that’s trickling down from the wound on his head. I try my best to remember what happened to him, to me, to us, but I can’t. “Neal... Please...” I try to say but it comes out as nothing more than a whisper. My voice is hoarse, my body is cold, my eyelids are extremely heavy and my head feels like there is a fire alarm going off inside of it. Maybe I should just give in? Maybe I should just close my eyes and let it happen? Maybe this is how it’s supposed to end? I always wished for a way out. I just never imagined it would look like this. “Sweetie? Sweetie, hang on. We will get you out,” I suddenly hear a male voice say? I instantly open my eyes and see an unfamiliar face appearing in the car window. I want to scream, I want to make a sound, but it feels like there’s a cotton ball stuck in my throat. “Just hang on,” he says again as he’s trying to force open the door of the black Jeep that belongs to my dad. “Ruzek! Grab the handle, put your feet up against the door and then pull as hard as you can!” I hear the man scream. I look to my left and see yet another man. He is trying to open up the door on my brother’s side. The ice-cold water is almost all the way up to my chest now and I can see that my hands have already turned blue from the cold. I try to breathe. I try to breathe calmly, but that is getting harder to do. I briefly flick my eyes over at the man who’s trying to rescue me and honestly, it’s not the expression I wanted to see. He’s clearly panicking and his eyes are watery, tears threatening to spill any second. This is it. This is the end. This is how it’s supposed to be. This is what my dad wants and if there is one thing I learned over the years, is that he always gets what he wants. But then, almost simultaneously, both of the car doors fly open. I feel my body being grabbed and pulled out of the vehicle in a fraction of a second. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” the man holding me whispers as he carries me through the water. “Neal! My brother. What about my brother?” I scream out, trying to take a look behind me. “Another officer has him. Don’t worry. It’ll be okay,” he tells me. I look up at my rescuer and meet his eyes. I carefully nod my head before I take in a deep breath. I let everything go. All the panic. All the stress. All the pain. And all the fight. I completely let go, putting my life in his hands. After what feels like an eternity, I arrive on dry land. I immediately feel blankets being put around my cold and shaking body. A ginormous shiver shoots through me as a woman, probably a paramedic, takes over from the man who brought me to shore. She sits me down on a stretcher located in front of an ambulance. “I’m fine,” I whisper as I look up at this woman. She has long blond hair, braided together in the back. She has big blue eyes and a sweet expression on her face. “Where’s Neal?” I blurt out, my eyes searching for his sight. “Who is that, sweetie?” “My brother. Neal is my twin brother. Where is he?” I ask again. And right at that moment, I see a police officer getting out of the water with my brother’s lifeless body in his arms. “Oh my God! Neal!” I jump off the stretcher and run in the direction of my brother. But, before I can even take a few steps forward, I get stopped and yanked back by two strong arms. “No! Please, let me go! No!” I fight to get free but I fail miserably. I see three paramedics rushing over to my brother who is now laying on the ground. He is not moving. The paramedics start doing heart compressions, which lets me know it is really serious. A few tears escape my eyes as I put a hand over my mouth. It feel like I’m going to throw up. And then, all of a sudden, they stop and back away from him. His body remaining on the ground lifelessly. “Neal! Neal!” I scream out from the top of my lungs. I fall to my knees and start crying hysterically. I can’t believe this. Neal, my brother, my twin brother. I can’t believe he’s dead. “This can’t be happening,” I cry out before I feel two arms wrapping around my cold and fragile body. “I’m so sorry,” is all she whispers as I let myself fall into her arms, accepting the warmth and comfort of her embrace. After a while of crying and sobbing, the paramedic lets go of me. She looks me in the eyes and carefully wipes away a few of my tears with her thumb. She helps me up before leading me back over to the ambulance. I sit down in the back of the ambo, my legs dangling from the edge. “Hey, can I talk to her for a second?” I hear a voice ask the paramedic sitting next to me. “Of course,” is all she answers before standing up and walking away. “Hi, sweetie. I am Detective Upton and I would like to talk to you for a bit. If that’s okay with you?” the woman standing in front of me asks. I look up at her and slowly nod my head. She shoots me a small and sympathetic smile before she sits herself down next to me. I look down at my feet. They’re dangling from the edge. Detective Upton’s feet touch the ground with ease. It’s not fair. I want to be tall enough to reach the ground as well. I’ve always been little. I’ve always been small. And even though I always wished to be a bit taller, I guess being little did kind of save my life a few times. Because I was always small enough to hide inside of the closet. My brother wasn’t. He always had to fight. I wish I would have been as brave as he was. I wish I would have been the one to stand up for us both. Even if it would have been just for one time. I should have saved him instead of it being the other way around. “What’s your name?” I hear Detective Upton ask, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Bella.” “That’s a very pretty name.” she lets out a sigh before she asks, “Are you okay?” “I’m fine,” I whisper, not bothering to look up at her. “I know this isn’t easy, and if you don’t want to talk about it you just have to tell me, but do you know what happened?” she carefully asks me. “To my brother?” “To both of you...” I take in a deep breath and clear my throat. “My dad, he was drunk and he started to fight with my brother while I hid in the closet like a coward,” I say as I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. “Has that ever happened before?” I hear her ask cautiously. “Yes, a lot of times. But it had never been this bad.” “Do you remember how you ended up in that car?” “No. The last thing I remember is hearing my brother scream out in pain. Then, the closet door opened and I was greeted with my dad’s angry eyes. I remember being super scared,” I explain. “And then it all went black. The next thing I knew, I was trapped into his car.” I look over at the lake that held me trapped not even 30 minutes ago, the lake that took my twin brother’s life. “I tried to wake him up but he didn’t move.” “I am so sorry for your loss. Is there any other family I can call?” Detective Upton asks and I shake my head from left to right. “I don’t have anyone else.” “What about your mum?” “She died when I was just a little kid.” “Okay, then why don’t you come with me. We’ll go over to the police station so I can see what the options are. But I will promise you one thing,” she says, demanding for me to look up at her. I do as I’m told and meet her eyes. “Whatever happens, I promise you that you will always be safe. I am personally going to make sure that you’re okay. So, you think you can come with me?” She stands up and reaches out her hand. I let out a sigh before forcing a thankful smile onto my face. I grab her hand and step into the light. The sun is rising, sending warmth through my body. I look up at the sky, a tear escaping my eye. I know it’s him. I know it’s Neal who’s shining down on me, providing me with warmth and light, as he has always done. Sunshine is pouring down on me. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than enough. This glimmer of light gives me hope. This glimmer of light is all I need to know that everything will turn out to be okay.