text: Air slammed through Stella’s throat like an ice pick as she shot up in bed. “Where am I? What’s going on?” She thought, mind scrambled. She caught a blinking out of the corner of her eye. A red blink--what? Oh. She knew where she was. Levi’s room. Of course. His smoke detector‘s bright light might be annoying, but it always reminded her she was right where she was supposed to be. She’d been having another anxiety dream. So intense she probably wouldn’t have recognized even her own room if she’d woken up there. She wanted to get up and walk around. Call someone. Turn on the TV. But the futon was pressed against the wall and she’d fought Levi to get the inside half. She couldn’t risk waking him up now. Besides, he had a test early in the morning. Stella dabbed at the cold sweat on her forehead with the soft edge of her shirt. She tried to steady her breathing. She was disappointed her mind could conjure up images as horrible as what she’d just seen in that dream. That’s when she felt it. He was looking at her. In an instant Levi knew what he was seeing. He was worried it had been happening more frequently, but he couldn’t tell if the thoughts were getting worse or Stella was just staying over more. Right now, that didn’t matter. “Hi” Levi smiled, repressing his intense desire to pretend he’d fallen back asleep. Stella fixed her lips to respond but whatever she meant to say was sucked into the blackness only she saw. Levi recognized her expression. He sensed hollowness taking hold of her. “Alright.” He croaked, shaking the outer crust of sleep off. “Here’s what we’re doing. We’re going to turn this light on.” Levi leaned over and powered up the ceiling lamp. He wished he had a dimmer switch, but for the rent he was paying, he was just glad this apartment had any light at all. “Now we’re gonna sit up.” He placed a hand gingerly behind her back and propped her up with his pillow, knowing full well he probably wouldn’t get it back for the rest of the night. “Ok. Good, you’re doing so good. Water or milk?” Stella shook her head. “Not a yes or no question. You‘re drenched, you lost a lot of fluid. Water or milk?” Stella realized she’d turned this poor boy’s bed into a gym mat. “Water please” her voice cracked, not breaking the thousand mile stare into the distance. Levi slid out of the warmth of the covers and steeled himself against the shock of the frigid bathroom tile. He filled a cup and brought it to her, rubbing her back as she took small sips. She swept a dismal hand over the perspiration puddling around her. “Fuck, I’m sorry I--“ “No apology necessary Stel, I threw up all over your new couch.” Stella didn’t have a rebuttal. She thought she’d done a better job pretending she wasn’t mad about that. “Do you want to talk about it?” “I want to forget it.” “But can you?” “I don’t know.” Levi felt the inertia draining from his body and with it the chances of his falling back to sleep. “What will help you feel most at peace right now?” He asked, pressing the tense spots in her shoulder blades, admiring the gentle curves of her face. He felt cursed in the short term and blessed in the long term all at once. “Just, I--can you do something?” Stella asked, gaze unbroken still. “Sure can.” “Be here when I wake up?” Levi couldn’t protest. He knew how it felt to not want to fall asleep because you dreaded waking up alone. So he didn’t bother mentioning it. “I’ll be right here. Dreaming of you... Or eating pizza, it depends when you wake up” he winked. Stella said something that felt right, but she was so relieved and tired, she would never remember exactly what it was. Levi waited until he was sure she was asleep and reached over to email his professor he’d need a re-test, because he wasn’t coming in that morning. He turned to Stella and wrapped a possessive arm over her trembling torso. Even though his eyes were lead-heavy, he fought to keep them open just to look at her a moment more. He drifted back to sleep, without his pillow as he suspected, to the tempo of Stella’s breath as she finally got a real rest. “Mission accomplished” he congratulated himself as he slipped out of consciousness. There was nothing that could put Stella more at ease than companionship. Although she’d fly into a frenzy of remorse when she finally remembered about his test, almost a week after the fact. And wake him up to tell him so. He would think often of the night, but not twice about the sacrifice. There was no grade more rewarding for Levi than feeling needed.