text: The dial-tone captured the sound of my heartbeat flatlining. I dialed Evelyn’s number. The zipping and clicking noises of the rotary dial resuscitated it. I released my finger from the last number, then slammed the receiver down. Now my heart was racing. I didn’t know what to say. I had obsessive thoughts of how to say goodbye. That’s it. I am going to her house. I rushed down stairs, and grabbed my jacket. As I opened the front door, my mother walked out of the kitchen. She said, “Jonathan where are you going?” Where was I going, “I am going to Rob’s house to watch the football game.” “It is only 11 am. Why would you go over there so early?” Asked my mother. “We are going to throw the ball around first.” “Have fun dear.” As the door closed behind me, my mother added “Wait a second. Rob’s mother left her glass baking pan here last week. She brought a casserole in it. If I forget to give it to her, it will be here forever. Give me a second.” She walked back into the kitchen. My mother continued talking through the clattering noise of pulling pans out of the cupboard, “Your father will be back soon. He could drive you to Rob’s house.” “I will just take my bike,” trying to shout over the noise. “Why would you ride your bike and carry a glass pan? Wait, your father will be back any minute.” It would be better if Dad drove me over to Rob’s. If I rode my bike to Evelyn’s, she might remember how we use to ride to the park and eat ice cream. “Here is the pan, and your father just pulled in. Run to the car and tell him. Once he is in the house, he will be upset that I am sending him back out.” I opened the front door as my dad got out the car. Then I heard, “Hey Jon,” I turned around to see Steve walking out of his house. He waved to me and asked, “Can you help move my bedroom downstairs? My parents are letting me have the basement.” “Sure” “Could you do it this evening?” I looked at my watch, “Say around 7 o’clock when I get home. I am going to watch the game with Rob. Do you want to join us? “ “No and thanks. I appreciate it” Steve turned around and went back into his house. My father was about to walk through the front door when I said, “Dad can you take me over to Rob’s, I am going to watch the game.” I showed him the pan, “Mom wants me to return this to his mother.” Dad looked up at the sky then nodded his head down. “Ok get in the car. Let’s go before I argue with your mother. Then she will make me feel guilty when I want to watch the game.” We pulled out of the driveway. “So what are your plans for the summer, did you think about getting a job? Working downtown at the hardware store would be great. I could even use your discount to buy a new lawnmower.” “I was thinking of working at the bookstore.” “The bookstore. You can already get free books at the library. Son one day you will have a house. There are valuable lessons to be learned working at the hardware store.” “I will think about it Dad,” as I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Whenever Dad lectured me in the car I imagined my feet were still dangling off the seat. “Great, I will give Bob at the hardware store a call, and let him know you are interested. Have fun watching the game.” “Bye Dad,” I rushed out of the car and rang the doorbell to Rob’s house. No one answered. Of course they are not home. They are still at church. Now what am I going to do. I can’t leave the pan here. Rob’s mother will call my mine asking why her pan is on the front step. I decided to walk to Evelyn’s house. I was in the middle of the neighbor’s driveway. Then I heard a loud engine idling and a Vroom Vroom Vroooooom. I dashed out of the way. A car was backing out. The breaks squealed. The car stopped suddenly before it reached the road. “What the hell are you doing Dave? You didn’t even see me” I shouted trying to be heard over his car’s engine. I was seconds away from throwing the pan at his car. “Relax. I saw you,” said Dave. “No, you didn’t even look.” “You’re in still in one piece. Hey what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’ll be seeing you. I’m late.” As Dave drove away Rob and his parents arrived. Rob’s mother rolled down the window. “Are you ok what happened?” “Dave backed out of the driveway really fast. He was not even looking,” I said. She looked at Rob’s father. “You need to have a talk with Dave’s father. That boy just got his license and he is already a menace on the roads. He is going to hit somebody.” “Sure thing, now can we go inside,” replied Rob’s father. We walked into to the house. Once we were sitting around the kitchen table Rob’s father asked me. “Where will you be working this summer Jonathan?” “My father wants to me to work at the hardware store,” I replied. “Rob will be working for his uncle painting houses this summer. You could work with him,” said Rob’s father. The thought of working for Evelyn’s father was the last job that I wanted. I shifted my eyes back and forth around the room. I focused on anything other than what Rob’s father had to say. At that moment the phone rang. Rob’s mother picked up the phone from the wall. She walked back to the counter with the telephone cord unraveling as she stretched it halfway across the kitchen. She said, “Hello Jacque” and nodded a few times. Then responded with ”of course I have a baking pan, it was just returned to me. I will send it right over”. Rob’s mother hung up the phone and looked at his father with her hand on her hips. “Jacque dropped and shattered her casserole pan. She needs one for dinner tonight. Could you drop it off?” Rob looked at me with a grin on his face. He said, “We would be happy to drop it off at Evelyn’s house.” “Oh thank you dear,” said his mother. Rob picked up the pan and handed it to me. If his eyes could laugh they would have been cackling uncontrollably. We walked toward Evelyn’s house. Rob said “Evelyn will be gone all summer. You and this town are going to be the furthest thing from her mind.” “I know, she will be back by the end of the summer though,” I thought about what I had just said. That was my response. That was the best I could come up with. I had nothing better to say other than she would be forced to come back. We arrived at Evelyn’s house. Her father was packing the car with luggage. I felt my heart beating faster. She really was going away for the whole summer. Even though I looked calm, I was gasping for air. “Hey Uncle William we are here to drop off the pan that Aunt Jacque asked for,” said Rob. “Do me a favor and take it into the house,” Rob took the pan away from me, and ran into the house. “So you are taking Evelyn to camp today?” I said while crossing my arms. “We are leaving around 3 o’clock to drop her off. She will be there the whole summer. It’s a camp for the performing arts or something. There is lot of singing and dancing I’m told. You probably already know this though.” Evelyn’s father said. “Yeah she kind of mentioned it to me,” I was staring across the street. A boy was riding a tricycle on the sidewalk. I was thinking that I had the same bike. I looked back at her father and asked, “Will you visit her at all?” “No, she doesn’t want us coming up. You know how easy you kids get embarrassed.” “Yeah.” Rob walked out. He looked at me and said, “Let’s go back to my house.” “Oh wait I was going to say goodbye too Evelyn.” Her father said, “She went to the mall 10 minutes ago with her friends. They are buying new bathing suits for the summer. ” “I wanted to see her in that,” I said not believing what came out of my mouth. “I meant that I wanted to see her in, in the house before that. Before she left to go to the mall that is,” Rob smirked as I failed at correcting myself. Her father hesitated for a second before he responded “She should be back later. I can not keep up with everybody and their stories.” We said goodbye to her father and walked back to Rob’s house. He asked “What are your plans now? How are you going to say goodbye.” I scratched my elbow and replied, “I have no idea. Who knows when she is coming back home. Her father said they were leaving around 3 o’clock. That leaves me a few hours. What excuse would I have to say goodbye?” Rob’s eyes veered toward me. He stopped walking and said “Maybe to actually say goodbye,” as he knocked on my forehead. “Sooner or later you are going to have to tell her how you feel.” “I know I know. I just don’t know how all this happened. I don’t know when I started feeling like this toward her.” “It will probably pass. At some point you will get over it. Let’s throw the ball around before the game starts.” We looked for the football in Rob’s yard but could not find it. I thought that we would find it in Dave’s yard. I remember seeing a football after Dave almost ran me over. We walked into Dave's yard and found Rob's football. We went back Rob’s yard and threw the football to each other. Then we ran offensive plays from our favorite team. Rob pretended to be the quarterback. He threw the winning touchdown to me for the last play of the game. At that moment his mother called us in for lunch. We walked into the kitchen. My mouth was dry and we were hot from running around. She gave us both a glass of lemonade. Rob and I sat at the kitchen table where we discussed the game we were going to watch. Rob’s mother cooked hamburgers. We ate them while watching the game. His mother picked up the phone to make a call. I heard the zipping and clicking noises from the rotary wheel. My heart rate increased. After I heard the 7th number, I looked at the clock. It was almost 3:00. I rose from the kitchen table. I told Rob and his mother that I had to leave. I walked briskly out of the kitchen and left the house. When I reached the sidewalk I began to run toward Evelyn’s house. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what I was going to say. I just left. I was a block from Evelyn’s house and I saw Mr. Cooper walking his dog. He waved to me. I slowed down. I bent over to catch my breath and then I hear “Honk Honnnnnk Heyyyyyyy Johnny!”, Then Mr. Cooper’s St. Bernard jumped on me. I was on my back with a large dog on my chest. I lifted my head off the sidewalk, and I saw the rear bumper of Dave’s car driving away. He was still honking his horn. The dog was licking my face. “I’m sorry he was just startled by the car horn. Tubbs sit boy heel,“ as Mr. Cooper snapped his finger multiple times. Tubbs finished licking my face and moved off me. “Your dad called and said you were interested in applying for a position down at the store. Now I wouldn’t normally consider someone your age, but in your case I would make an exception.” I stood on my feet trying to wipe my face. I smelled like a kennel. “Thanks Mr. Cooper, but I am trying to see a friend, before she leaves, for the summer, “ I said with my eyes wide opened. “Ohhh, of course,” he waved toward me. “Go on. I was young once.” Not the, I was young once line. “I will come down to the store tomorrow, to finish our conversation sir,” and I continued running down the sidewalk. I arrived at Evelyn’s driveway. I could see that she was trying to pull something out of the car her father packed earlier. “Hello, Evelyn I just wanted to say,” she stood up and turned around to face me with a bright smile. “I just wanted to say...” I was then interrupted by a familiar voice coming out of the car. “Hey babe I told you I could pull your bag out from this side.” Steve stood up from the other side of the car. He said, “Hey Jonathan how’s it going?” At that moment my heart was tethered to a lead weight that was pulling my soul into an abysmal darkness. Babe. He called her Babe. The darkness was now consuming my vision. I could have fallen into that abyss and would have never known if the ground had broken my fall. “Steve, how’s it going?” I said in a monotone voice trying to stay on my feet. “I was just helping Evelyn before she left. Going to miss her this summer. I will go up to the camp to visit her. Do you want to come?” Evelyn looked at me with a smile. I said, “No, I will be busy working all summer.” “Jon, I’m going home now do you want a ride?” “Sure that will be great,” I said with all the conviction of wanting to sing Kumbaya in the cafeteria naked with the lunch lady in front of the whole school. Steve walked around the car. Evelyn had a different smile for him. Their eyes were locked on each others. She raised her arms around his shoulders. He put his hands on her hips. They kissed. Then he said. “I’ll miss you.” “Not if I miss you first,” she replied. I could not imagine a worst taste in my mouth than what was physically evoked from watching them. Steve walked across the street to his car. I followed. He turned around one more time to wave goodbye. She blew him a kiss. We got into the car and he drove us home. On the way he said “First we are going to have take my bed apart. I think we can move my desk downstairs without dismantling it. The books can be...” Each word after that was like a bomb going off in my head. At this point I realized I never said goodbye.