text: Another. Of course. What was it again? Whiskey. Any particular brand? Couldn’t care less, top shelf, well, all those shelves in between. Just grab whatever’s in reach. As you like. --------\- Excuse me? Another. Of the “whatever’s in reach”, I presume? Hey, you remembered! How about that. Well it’s not my first day on the job. Here you go. Hey! Don’t run off, how long you been working here? A while, at this point. How long is a “while”? Enough time that I probably should have quit a while ago. Well hold on a second now. If you’ve been working here a while now, and you should’ve quit a while ago, by that reasoning you should’ve quit on your first day. Thank you for the correction. I have to get back to work, more customers. Yeah, alright. Just watch your word choice from now on, don’t want to make a mistake like that again or you’ll just end up looking silly. I’ll keep that in mind. ------------ Hey! Another. At this rate, you’re going to clear me out of whatever’s in reach. Yeah, and then you’ll have to go slightly out of your way to be able to reach drinks for other customers. I imagine that’ll end up being quite the burden. You should tell me now whether this is going to be a frequent occurrence, cause in that case I’ll make sure to order more of whatever’s in reach. I don’t expect it to be, but you never know. Yeah, you really don’t. You should try it, it’s definitely the best whiskey you have here. Have a glass with me. I’m working. Does that matter? I suppose it does. Come on, the place is hardly full. Most have moved on already. Sure, but there are some I need to serve still. Fine, suit yourself. Go off and work. I will. ------\- Another! Should I just go ahead and leave the whole bottle in your reach then? Seems like it’ll save me some of the hassle. I’m not saying that isn’t a great idea in theory, but I like it better this way. Bartender, bar patron, good service. There’s a certain romance to it that I can’t put my finger on. It’s a classic, it’s simple. No uncertainty, no questions, nothing. It’s just the way the world works. I can’t really explain it. But whatever it is, it would definitely be ruined\* by you just putting the bottle within my reach, blatantly and woefully disrespecting the natural order of things. Funny, I’d never considered bars to be natural at all. I bet there’s plenty of things you’ve yet to consider. Are they all as ridiculous as natural bars? Only the good ones. Right. I’ll tell you about some, if you’d like. There are people waiting for drinks. Well damn, you better take care of that quick! Yeah, I better. ------------------ Another, right here! This is a rough place to be drunk alone. This is a perfect place to be drunk alone! Do you have a way to get home later? Oh, I’ll think I’ll manage. Wouldn’t have a drop if I didn’t. Here you go then. Thanks for just giving me whatever was in reach. Real classy of you. Thanks for expecting me to go out of my way, real demanding of you. As punishment for lazy service, you have to do a shot with me. There are other people in this bar. None of whom you’ve wronged like me! There are people waiting for drinks. Then you’d better take it quickly, you have work to do. Fine. Woh wait, hang on! We have to toast to something! What even would we toast to? How about...to right now? To this moment? You want to toast to the moment when we are toasting? Yeah, it seems oddly appropriate. Maybe to you. To right here and now! To right here and now. ---------------------------- Last call. Another? Do you even have to ask? Apparently not. Make it a double. Double it is. Thanks much! Time to close your tab. Sit down with me, have one drink before you have to close up. I have to... No you don’t. There’s only one table left in here, and they’ve already paid. There’s no use in you being unable to relax just because their drunken conversation is going on too long. You’re persistent. In a good way? In a persistent way. Good, I aim to be tautological whenever possible. Fine, one drink. It was a long shift, I might as well. Wonderful! I highly recommend whatever’s in reach. Somehow I thought you would. I think I’ll take you up on that offer. Somehow I thought you would. So, what’s your story? Just someone who likes a drink and some company. Not much company, you’re here alone. I’m not alone. No I guess you’re not. So what’s your story then? Already told it. I work here. There’s no more than that? How boring. Pretty much. Well since your story is so boring, let’s play a game. What game? What am I thinking of right now? Haven’t a clue. Well guess, otherwise it’s no fun. Whiskey. Nope! Guess I lost. Don’t be annoying, guess again. How you’re going to get home. Not even close! Guess again. This could go on for a while. Especially if you keep sucking. Your boyfriend. Don’t have one. How about a hint? How about a better guess? Your pet poodle. Existentialism. Whatever witty response you’re going to use next. This really isn’t your game. I wasn’t the one who suggested we play it. Oh well, I guess we should just talk about something else then. Well that’s not fair, you have to tell me what you were thinking of. Since when was that part of the rules? I assumed it was a rule from the beginning. You also assumed I was thinking about whiskey and my pet poodle. So you’re not going to tell me? No, probably not. I need more whiskey for this if I’m going to keep losing games. How convenient, losers have to take a shot. And look at that, it’s in reach. Me too please! You’ve done a decent job on this bottle. Why thank you. I might as well close your tab while I’m here. Yeah so I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. What about it? I noticed around 3 drinks in that I sort of forgot my wallet. Of course you did. Hey, to be fair it would never have been a problem if you’d remembered to card me. I would’ve noticed I didn’t have it long before ever ordering my first drink. Looks like it’s actually your fault. I don’t think it works like that. Besides, you looked 21. I’m actually 19. Fuck. 19 plus 4 years. You enjoy fucking with me, don’t you? I hope I will. As forward as that was, unfortunately that isn’t an accepted form of payment here. Don’t worry, that wasn’t how I planned on paying. And how is that? Do you like music? No I hate it. How are you paying? You hate music?! How does that even happen? I love music. I also love getting paid for drinks. Ok good. For a second there, I thought you were beyond hope. For a second there, I thought you were intentionally trying to change the subject. How many drinks was it? Half of whatever was in reach. You had some. Slightly less than half of whatever was in reach. Have a little more and then we can try and work out a deal. If every customer did this, I’d be drunk twenty minutes into my shift. If every customer did this, you’d like your job. Pass whatever’s in reach. My pleasure. Thanks. Fill me up while you’re at it. You can’t even pay for what you’ve already had. I told you we’d work out a deal over another drink. Can’t do that if I have an empty glass, now can we? Pour it yourself then. Terrible service in this place. Yeah well we don’t get paid well. So what kind of music do you like? Weren’t we supposed to be working out a deal? Fine, if you’re going to be all nagging about it. So how are you planning on paying? How about I give you the world? I don’t know what that means. What’s not to get? You gave me drinks, I’ll give you the world. What would I do with the world? Well, that’s up to you now isn’t it? I guess it would be. How do you even have the world to give? Oh I won it off of a guy a while back. I’m not much of a gambler, but he sure was. He bet the world? In a game of poker. Poor guy, never would’ve guessed I had pocket Aces. Gave me an quick three of a kind once the turn came. What’d he have? After the river, you mean? Pair of 4’s. Risky bet for a couple of 4’s. If you bet the world, you’ve gotta be ready to lose it. Was he ready? Fuck if I know, he was quite drunk. Alright, well how he’d get the world in the first place then? He mentioned it at some point. Rambling on the whole game, hand after hand he went on about the whole thing. I would’ve left the table if it weren’t for the cards being completely in my favor that night. I was sweeping the table for hours, sucking everyone dry until he was the last one, not a chip left to call his own. Why didn’t he just walk at that point? Cause he still had something left to bet. A gambling man, through and through, and who was I not to take that bet? You didn’t answer my question. Why he didn’t walk? How did he get the world? According to him, he won it in some sort of contest. I’ve never seen a contest with the world as a prize before. And that’s probably why you’re not the one with the world. Another drink? My turn for a double. So what was the contest? Oh it wasn’t anything grand or daring. Just a small contest amongst friends from the sounds of it. Something about a few bottles of bourbon and the last one still conscious. And the world was up as a prize for the winner? Each person put something into the pot to enter the contest. One guy put in $20, another offered to do a free tattoo on the winner. And someone put the world into the pot? Yup, and she ended up passing out about 4 shots in. Hence why she didn’t win, I assume. According to the gambler, she was never much of a drinker. So why’d she enter the contest? Apparently the contest was her idea to begin with. Seems like a bad idea for her to have. How so? Well, starting a drinking contest when you know you’re a lightweight seems pretty silly, let alone throwing the world into the pot. She must’ve known she couldn’t win. What’s winning got to do with it? Winning the prize, usually. But more importantly in her case, not losing the world. She wasn’t too careful with it. You’re exaggerating. It’s not like losing a contest is the end of the world or anything. Right. Anyhow, the gambling man was still casually sipping his drink while everyone else was out on the floor. If they were all passed out, how could anyone know who had actually won? Easy, he just told them the next morning. They were all terribly hungover, of course. What if he lied? Why would he do that? I would think that’s rather obvious. I disagree, and I wouldn’t know about whether he lied or not. She believed him without question. That’s how he ended up with the world, that is until I beat him with that three of a kind. Of course you did. Wanna pour me another? Wanna pour it yourself? The bottle’s right by you. I told you, that’s just not the way the world works. Who are we to go against it? You seem like the only person that potentially could if you wanted to. Just pour my drink already. As you wish. That was quite the heavy pour. I have more questions. I may have more answers. How did she get the world then? How did who? The one who lost it to the gambler. How am I supposed to know? It sounded like the gambler was quite the talker. Oh he was, but he never mentioned how she came by the world. Was there anything else he told you? Well sure, he brought up all sorts of random things Anything else about the world? He told me the story of the first one who had the world. Do tell. Or we could play another game! You could guess how the first person got the world. I’d rather not. You’re really not much fun. Fine. She made a deal with the devil for it. Hah, wrong! She was born with it. She was special. Couldn’t be more wrong! She bought it. She lied and stole and cheated and killed for it. WRONG! You’re enjoying this too much. Is it wrong to have a good time? Pass me the bottle. Fill mine while you’re at it. Fine. Guess again! I give up. You win the game. Just tell me. You lost! How sad for me. Losers have to take a shot. If I take this shot, will you tell me what the answer was? Probably. There. Now, tell me. The answer is...she found it! She found it. Yup! Where? How would I know? You’re the one telling the story. Well I never asked the gambler. She just came across it one day. How fortunate for her. Yeah, until she sold it years later. Why’d she sell it? In exchange for a good or service, I’d imagine. Helpful. And apparently the man who bought it died not too long after. From what? Someone cut his throat open. Not surprising. How is that not surprising?! He was killed for the world. Why would someone kill for the world? You wouldn’t? I already have it. I suppose you do. Sad thing is, the killer just ended up losing it a few weeks later. How’d he lose it? How anyone loses something. He forget where he left it. Of course he did. Anyway, you want it? Want what? The world, what else? I don’t know, can I pay rent with it? Don’t know, never tried. Well, how do you pay rent then? A check, usually. How silly of me. You’re weird, you know that? I’m not even sure what to say at this point. See? Weird. Alright, tell me this then. Tell you what? You have the world. What the hell are doing here? What do you mean “here”? You come in here, you sit at the bar alone. You ask for whatever is in reach, and you spend all night trying to talk to me. Why are you here? Where else would I be? I don’t have an answer to that. Well, there’s your answer then! Let’s play a game. Oh, now you want to play games! We never finished our older game. I never got a turn. Which game? What am I thinking of right now? I love that game! What’s your answer? How many guesses do I get? Three. You’re thinking of...whiskey! That was my guess, and no. Darn. Two more. Your...boyfriend. Don’t have one. Final guess. Shit. Umm...excuses to get out of this conversation? Wrong. Thank god. Here’s your shot. What? A girl once told me losers have to take a shot. A girl was right. Last shot of the bottle. I knew you’d lose. You trying to get me drunk? I’m trying to get you drunker. It’s working. One more game? We’re out of alcohol. And that was the only thing in reach. We’re fucked! There are other things to bet. What’d you have in mind? If I win, you have to let me walk you home. What a terrible thought. And what if I win? I forgive your tab. You don’t want the world? Is it a bet or not? Alright fine, it’s a bet! You choose the game. You didn’t have a game in mind already? Hadn’t thought that far ahead. Well neither had I! Alright, I’ve thought of one. What is it? A simple game. I’m ready. What do I have to do? On the count of three... Yes? We leave the world behind. Are you crazy? How would we even do that? Simple. You set it down on the bar, and we walk away. Someone will take it. Bar is empty silly. How will we determine a winner? This time, we’re a team. We will win or lose together. A team... Are you ready or not? I’m ready.