text: I woke up and said to myself “I am going to get a vacation!” hoping that saying it allowed would help it become true. I excitedly went to work hoping to in the time I don’t have work to do research vacations. Once I got there my coworkers and I exchanged the usual “hellos”, “how are yous”, and “I'm fines” and went about our days. I didn’t have much work to do as I'd already done my work knowing what I planned to do today. I looked for a while and then found a vacation with all paid expenses trip to Hawaii for 1,000 dollars! I didn’t have that money so I knew I’d have to go to suspicious steve. His name isn’t actually suspicious Steve, just Steve, but he is always suspicious. He always has ways of getting what you need and seems rich but still works a 9 to 5 job. I went up to him and said “Steve. You got money?” Steve looked at me with confusion and said “What money?” “Well I was hoping you knew of a way to get 1,000 dollars, but I also wanted to sound cool” Steve rolls his eyes at me, but in a cool way, somehow. He hands me two packages, one labeled “burn”, another labeled “give''. “burn this one, and give this one to a guy a few blocks away. You’ll need to burn all of the one labeled burn to ash. Show me proof you’ve done it and I’ll give you the money. If you ask questions, I’ll have someone else do it. I’ve texted you the address to the location.” he stops for a moment then glares at me “If you mess up, you’ll regret it. “ Hesitantly, I agreed. The rest of the workday was normal so it’s not worth talking about, but what is worth talking about is afterward. Once the workday ended I crept to my backyard, which in hindsight just made me more suspicious, and prepared to burn the one labeled burn. I wanted to look inside and see what it was but I worried if I did he’d have my head or id ask questions and then he’d have my head. Either way, I'd be without a head, which is a thing I prefer to have. I started a recording and threw it in. I waited till it was complete ash which took a while, but before It was all ash I caught a glimpse of a picture of a face, It looked like an ID. I pushed away thoughts of what I just did and how unethical it was and walked over to the place, unable to push away thoughts of what I just did. I worried, did I just abide and aid murder? I kept trying to reassure myself that maybe it was an old ID and they were really precautious, or that someone died in a non-murder-y way and so they burned old items. But considering it was from suspicious steve and it was a person’s face, I would imagine it’s either a murder or a cover-up of someone’s identity. I focused on the fact that this was for a vacation the rest of the way to avoid thoughts of murder and cover-ups. Once I arrived I knocked, a suspicious person opened the door and in a hushed and angry voice said “What?” I tried to match their voice, partially to seem cool, and partially for them to be less likely to want to kill me, and said “I have a delivery from steve.” He quickly takes it and closes the door. If it is what I think it is, then it’s really weird his name is steve. I never thought drug deliverers’ names could be so normal. It’s like being like “I have a drug delivery from billy”, it just sounds normal and too innocent. But I guess not all people who do weird things have weird names like “ax” or “Murder”. I took a recording of me at the door with no more packages and sent them to steve, with no reply I got an online cash deposit of 1,000 dollars. I quickly left and went home. Not sure how to continue, I bought a ticket and waited for my day. Nothing very weird happened well I waited though, except for me. I kept sneaking around places and acting like I did a crime, which I did, I think. One day I crept into working thinking someone would catch me in what I had done and all my coworkers stared at me. Also, all of the “how are yous” turned into “are you oks”, the answers still the same though even if I did commit a crime. Once it was time to go on my vacation I ordered an uber and got all my stuff and put it in, the drive there was pretty calm. We did run into traffic and so I decided to do the only thing I could do which was grab my stuff and start jumping on cars to get by. I’m not kidding, I did actually do that though, I really didn’t want to miss my flight. I did pay the driver first though! So at least I’m not an avoids-paying-for-ubers-car jumper. Also, as a side note, car jumping is really fun! Hard, but fun! I got to the airport and had a relatively normal flight, I think a passenger was trying to flirt with me though, which was sweet but annoying. I sat through the flight and read a magazine since somehow I forgot to bring something to keep me entertained. The flight attendant suddenly said “And now we are flying over Hawaii”, I went up and asked if this was a flight to Hawaii, which is what I thought, she said it wasn’t though. It’s a flight to China. I must have clicked the one below the Hawaii one.... I asked where the parachutes were and as they pointed in a confused manner I grabbed my stuff, the parachute, and jumped off the plane. I heard lots of surprise gasps as I jumped off but it was worth it to finally get to relax in Hawaii. That’s my totally normal story of how I got to Hawaii. “What about yours?” I said to the person next to me. They looked at me and walked away slowly, I guess that was a weird trip in their opinion, oh well, more alone time for me.