text: He never let me go anywhere without him. For my protection, he said. I needed him, because there are bad people out there, bad people that only want to hurt you. They would take you and the baby, and do unspeakable things. So, I stayed home. I was happy to, as I loved spending time with our son. He got along quite well with our dog, a husky, and he loved the baby. Home was where I was comfortable, safe, happy. And yet, somewhere deep down, I had an ache, a yearning to go to the outside world. I wanted the freedom of walking around in a store alone, buying whatever I wanted, greeting people as they cooed over the baby and told me how beautiful, how well-behaved, how happy he is. Inviting them over for dinner, having parties that lasted deep into the night, everything a young mother like myself would enjoy. Despite that, I only ever broke the rules once. I wasn’t allowed to have friends over, but one day I decided to invite my friend Angela over. We had a blast, and I made sure she was gone before he got back, but somehow he knew. Then, restrictions got even tighter. He went through my phone regularly, checked for hidden folders and secret apps, made sure I couldn’t hide anything. He loved me, I knew he did. When he came home he was always so happy to see me, greeting me with huge smiles, showing me all of his teeth. Oh, and he was such a great lover. He always let me take the lead, happy to be taken by someone who could initiate. He had always told me how much he hated a woman that wouldn’t ever try, and just wait for him to initiate. I did whatever he told me to do. But that urge, it kept growing. I needed to somehow get out by myself. It would be hard, living so far out in the country with no neighbors, no extra car to take, and no one to watch little Joey. I started making plans, I had to get out. Even if he loves me, I have to find a way to leave. I wanted desperately to be free. It started with little things; I managed to get a few messages out that he never did catch, I got Joey ready to stay by himself by leaving him in his crib for periods of time. He finally learned to stop crying and would just wait until I came back. The plan was slowly coming together, and my excitement grew as each day passed. Finally, the pieces were all together. The ache was deep today, and I couldn’t hold it all in. He was suspicious. Nevertheless, he ate his breakfast and gave me a kiss before he headed for work, unknowing of what was going to happen. He collapsed before he even made it to the car. Triumphant, I dragged him inside, stopping several times for a breather. Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea. He was much taller than me, sitting at 6’4 and me being only 5’6. I finally got him inside, and I undressed him and put him in the bed. That way it looked like he had just slept in. I had never driven before, but I had watched him. I got in the car and started it, reveling in the power I felt. I gently put my foot on the gas pedal and the car surged forward. This was it, I was going! I could run my errands without the tether of my husband. I was so giddy I felt like I had taken drugs. I could barely breathe, my chest felt so tight from finally being free. Into town I rode, and I found myself at the hardware store. This would be perfect for my plan. Afterwards, I went to the pharmacy. I really needed to sleep better at night... Errands run, groceries gotten and the itch scratched, I turned the car back towards our desolate abode. He was awake, I realized with a start. Had I not given him enough? He was outside, stumbling as if he was drunk. I got out of the car, watching him cautiously. “Whaaad... did you... me?” He slurred, eyeing me blearily. “What did... you... do?” He didn’t seem like he was in his right mind. Of course he didn’t, he was very ill. I tried to lead him back inside, but he fought back. His nose was bleeding, did I hit him? Maybe. “Don’t touch him!” He screamed at me, seemingly snapping out of the grog he was in. He was still staggering, but learning to deal with it. “Don’t touch him!” He repeated, trying desperately to stop me. “He’s my child, and I may do as I please with him!” I snarled, giving him a light push that threw his balance off. On the ground, he struggling to get back up. Good, he was still out of it. I breezed past him, scooping Joey up out of his crib and making my way back to the car. “You can’t stop me. I’m going to be free!” I yelled. “No...” he wailed desperately, “You can’t be by yourself! You can’t hold it in! It was hard enough covering up for you last time!” He had regained his footing, but he was too slow. His breaths were coming fast now, like he had run a marathon. “Hailey! Please. You need me.” His nose was pouring blood, and he was shaking. He was so terribly ill, what a shame. “I can’t save you.” I replied, then spun the car around, spraying him with gravel. My plan hadn’t gone as I’d hoped, but that saved some supplies for later. I watched him in the rear view mirror as he finally collapsed, seizing. I smiled. I do love him, but I cannot be kept in any longer. I needed to eat. And soon, Joey would too. He was almost ready for solids, after all.