text: I want to do something with my life but I don't know where to start. I feel lost and I feel empty. I haven't felt myself since You ended it. I know I would have fought harder to keep You but I just felt like if I grabbed the slipping rope harder i'd only hurt myself. Everyone tells me that I have to let it go and move on but they don't tell me how hard it will be. If i let go of You I fear it will diminish what value love has in my eyes. "It's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" what a crock of shit. Once you've felt the warm comforting emotion of love you will never be the same. Like a cigarette you will always think back to when you had your first wishing you could go back and do something different. &#x200B; I want to feel welcome and safe again but I fear it will never feel the same. Lingering in the back of my mind would always be the what if. What if I corrected my course the slightest bit, down the line would I end up here? Or miles off course? Tis a solemn thought that keeps me up, as I spoon my pillow late at night knowing I have to sleep for work tomorrow yet I stay up drowning in the sea of girls hoping that one will replace you. Hoping that maybe you weren't the one and trying to fool myself and others that you were just another belladonna I fell for and ended up poisoning myself with. &#x200B; One flower perishes only for another seemingly identical flower to take its place, the same yet all so different. The flowers may look similar yet the petals may be a slightly paler colour, the leaves sprout from different parts of the stem and the roots spread all so differently, yet we account that this flower is the same as the other. The two flowers will live with out ever knowing of the others existence, two flowers running parallel the only thing separating them? &#x200B; Time the only thing separating sadness and happiness. The two emotions run parallel inside us. Never could one be truly happy and truly sad at the same point in Time. We as a species refer to space as our final frontier making the same mistake as our fore fathers only focusing on what we see ahead of the car in the fog and never accounting for what lies beyond the wall of fog created by our own headlights. as we push forward we only consider the now we never consider the then after. Our "final frontier" is conquering time itself for only time can mend all wounds. Only time will make me forget the solemn feeling of being without Your touch without Your loving and caring words of reassurance that I will be fine, that I will make it, that I will find what the world needs me for. Only time separates us from cuddling and talking all night to not even knowing if you're doing alright. &#x200B; We all feel destined for greatness, right? We all delude ourselves with thoughts of grandeur. It's what keeps us going, what makes us want to get up early tomorrow to go to work because if I work I will have money and money makes my time go by easier. Money wont cure my hurt but it will help numb it. Or so we think until we build an immunity to it then what are we left with? A pile of plastic or paper of false promises of happiness? I feel empty yet wont allow myself to lie and say to myself that money or fame will ever fill that hole. because the truth is it never will be full, it's an empty void that just stretches to fit anything you try plug it with. I feel the hole does shrink but only when I don't acknowledge it, only when I ignored it did it seem to shrink. You helped me ignore the hole and so You helped me shrink it, only after I lost You did I realise that. &#x200B; I don't know why I'm writing this but that's okay because it's helping. Helping me realise my own foolishness. You helped me out of my pit and the second You left I fell back in. I kept blaming you telling myself You tripped or shoved me but writing this out now I realise you just let go. I wasn't ready to stand but you didn't know that. You had to let go because You were loosing your own balance. I'm glad You let go. I'd rather be in this hole looking up to You standing above me then looking up and seeing nothing. I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand and I hope you don't blame yourself for any of the pain You have caused, because in the end without sadness we could never appreciate happiness.