text: Sue Ellen sat at her desk sipping her Earl Grey and eating her usual lunch of low-fat turkey and a hastily prepared salad. The more she thought about it, the more she began to believe what her recent ex-boyfriend, Brian had said. She was boring, and her need for order and routine was getting in the way of her life. She had eaten this lunch every workday for the past two months with no problems, but today it tasted bland and unappealing. Just like her . The thought snuck into her head greasily, leaving an unpleasant feeling. Being recently single after being in a relationship with Brian for over three years was something of a shock to Sue Ellen. She was not forty years old yet, but somehow, she felt too old to date. She felt like old produce left in the fridge, wilted and unsaleable. Brian had certainly perpetuated these feelings by having an affair, and honestly, there were so many little things that she should have noticed but didn’t. Or maybe she just hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself. Tap. Tap. Tap. She works through lunch because she has nothing better to do. Watching her coworkers, the sea of square placeholders in a beige room, they have all grouped up for lunch, small friend groups chatting about everyday things. Her cubicle had nothing of note in it. No personal items, no photos, maybe just a hint of her smell. She suddenly remembered she needed to run by the department store after work. Tonight was the dinner reception for the wedding her old friend, Tammie Lynn had invited her to. “You remember my kin on my momma’s side, right?” Sue Ellen had nodded. The two had been out to lunch ‘catching up’, but mostly Sue Ellen had felt like a burden, unloading all her problems on her old friend. The ‘kin’ in question was the blue-collar side of the family. Specifically, the cousin that gave Tammie Lynn the reputation for being a hillbilly in elementary school. Her cousin Clint had come in with a pet possum once, and Tammie Lynn was the only one who would talk to him after that. Of course, Sue Ellen came along for the ride. “Well, Clint's finally tying the knot! The bride’s a real sweet girl. A nice Jewish girl he met when he moved to the city. You wanna be my plus one?” Tammie Lynn had asked outright. She never did mince words, and Sue Ellen could read the hopeful glint in her old friend’s eye, a hint of mischief even. “Sure. It’s not like I have anything else going on.” Tammie Lynn’s blue eyes sparkled with delight as she gave Sue Ellen one of her characteristic bear hugs. The girl was rail thin but somehow strong as an ox. So here she was, going to a hillbilly wedding. She knew that Tammie Lynn’s mom’s side of the family were the hillbilly ones. It would be fun, though. They were good people and had always made her feel so welcome, even if they didn’t have anything, they still shared it with her whenever she had come over. She hadn’t seemed very excited at first, but the more she thought about it, the more she appreciated her friend inviting her out, particularly with people she felt safe around, though it would be a sight. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to drink or not. Did she want to be a part of it or just be a spectator? Sharing a drink with someone was like sharing a meal with Sue Ellen. She spent most of her Friday afternoon workday shopping online to see if any styles would suit the occasion. Tammie Lynn had mentioned bright colors and... denim. Boots? Probably. She would have to dust her old pair off and dig up her denim jacket. They were broken in and comfortable, so at least she wouldn’t be stuck chilly and wearing high heels all night. “This isn’t going to be so bad.” She could feel herself getting psyched up. Pausing her endless cycle of routines for a couple of days. Everything would be fine. The department store she had chosen was near her workplace, so she walked for some fresh air. A small cafe nearby smelled like roasted garlic and red wine, but she put her hunger behind her, knowing that the reception was only two hours away. The department store was almost empty, with only a few patrons within on a Friday evening. The smell of perfume from the counter gave the place a floral note, and she figured she could get a tester of something to make herself smell a bit better after she picked out the dress. She found the cut and color she had seen online. It fit beautifully, and it was very comfortable. Maybe she would have a drink after all. She grabbed a tester of perfume. It smelled of lilies, but the name was just BURST, and for some reason, the impression was that of a poorly ventilated funeral home with a bum freezer. She put that one back for another with a fresher smell. More like chamomile and bergamot. Her hand twisted the glass to face the name. It was just called Dolly and had a flower on the spray cover. As someone who worked in sales, she was confused by the branding on both perfumes. “When did things become so literal?” This one reminded her of that Dolly Parton song, wildflowers, however. “Fine by me”. There was no time for a shower by the time she got home. Quickly, she freshened up her makeup and hair and gave herself a dollop of Dolly. The boots fit like a dream, and she found a fifty-dollar bill in her old jean jacket. She hadn’t worn it since before...before Brian. “Thanks, old me,” She thought, as she drove through the city, to the outskirts of town, until the neon lights and pavement became warehouses and well-lit industrial barn buildings. She wondered for a fleeting moment, if it wasn’t her fault for Brian. This outfit that swallowed her in comfort and practicality would have disappeared from her closet, and been replaced with something 'acceptable'. He would see her in a pair of boots and give her a look that made her feel unwelcome in her own space. Finally, she found it. It was a barn-style building, with lots of tables and dancing space. The interior was painted a tasteful grey with green accents. A bar on the right side of the room was artfully built with reclaimed wood. A stocky bearded bartender waved her inside. Her first glance around the room was intense, to say the least. Old Jewish men in kippot cavorted genially with old-timers in tight denim and tucked-in button-down flannels. There was a small buffet with finger foods and charcuterie. Finally, she heard Tammie Lynn’s voice above the tumult. She waved an arm toward Sue Ellen, who was with the bride and groom’s family. Tammie Lynn scooped up Sue Ellen in her thin arms, directing her to a chair. “Ya’ll, this is my oldest friend, Sue Ellen. Mamaw, you ‘member her, don’t ya? A familiar elderly woman with perfectly permed hair carefully pinned on her head nodded and gave Sue Ellen a shaking hand. “Hello, honey. How you been doing? I heard about that awful situation with that boyfriend of yours. Don’t you worry honey, there’s plenty of decent men to go around here, Tammie Lynn’ll show ya around.” Sue Ellen was so shocked that the old woman and her husband were still around, they must have been over ninety. It took her a moment to feel embarrassed that everyone knew her situation. But looking around the table, she saw nothing but friendly faces standing up to hug her. She introduced herself to the Blums. Their daughter the bride, Ava was a delightful girl, standing next to her, beaming with pride--no longer the possum pet owner. Now he was her groom. Tammie Lynn’s cousin, Clint had turned into a tall and handsome man. “Good for you two! Congrats!” Sue Ellen exclaimed after she got warmed up to the room. There was surprisingly no jealousy or malice in her voice, or her secret heart. Sue Ellen saw at first glance that she was everything he wanted her to be, and Sue Ellen knew that Ava never went home with Clint feeling like she didn’t belong. That’s nice. “ You could have that too, now.” Sue Ellen’s secret heart whispered. Dinner was being served, so she took her seat waiting for their table to be called to the buffet line. Sue Ellen realized that Tammie Lynn was sitting across from her, but she had neglected to introduce herself to those on either side. She made to do so before Tammie Lynn cut in: “Oh where are my manners?! Eric, this is Sue Ellen, and to your right, is Bubbe Blum.” She raised her voice a little, reaching a gentle hand across the table to the woman almost as old as Mamaw and Papaw Walker. “Bubbe? This is my oldest friend, Sue Ellen. The old woman raised her eyes to Sue Ellen, giving her a gentle pat on the hand. “Nice to meet you, young lady. You’ll be taking care of me tonight, right? Don’t let these old-timers sweep me off my feet, alright?” Sue Ellen couldn’t help it. As she shook the woman’s hand she saw the faded and cursed tattoo on her arm. But despite it, the woman bubbled with spunk. I think they would say ‘Hutzpah’. “Yes ma’am, I’ve known these guys for a while, they aren’t getting anything over on me!” The old woman pats her hand again, and finally, Sue Ellen remembers Eric there. He smiled sweetly at his Bubbe, his brown eyes the color of honey. She met eyes with Tammie Lynn, who gave her that mischievous smile. Sue Ellen shook her head slightly; her friend was clearly trying to set her up. He seemed nice and all, but she wasn’t ready for anything. But she saw how Tammie Lynn was looking at him. Why is she trying to set me up with him if she clearly likes him? After their meal, Sue Ellen drags Tammie Lynn alone to the bar. “Thanks again for inviting me! I’ve forgotten how your family makes you feel so welcome. Also, what’s the deal with you and that Eric fellow?” Sue Ellen bought them a round from the bartender, who was more her type if she was being honest. He had a burly physique and a nice smile. “Oh well, you know. You have a city lifestyle so I thought you might get on with him well. He is handsome. I think he’s some kind of professor or somethin’ I don’t remember. But he seemed yer caliber.” Her eyes squinted like she was hurt by this admission. “But don’t you like him? Why aren’t you, his caliber? You’re loving and down to earth. Go get what you want, girl.” Sue Ellen could feel her old twang coming back. That part of herself that Brian had tried to kill. “Does he make you feel like you aren’t good enough?” Tammie Lynn shook her head. “I guess I just don’t know him well, is all.” Tammie Lynn looked back at the table where Eric was now drinking scotch with some of the Walker cousins and the groom. He listened intently to a raucous story but met eyes with Tammie Lynn, and Sue Ellen could see it. He thought Tammie Lynn was something pretty special. “Well, what should we do, Tammie Lynn? What’s the plan?” Sue Ellen elbowed her to get her attention away from him. “Well, I don’t know! He’s out of my league.” Sue Ellen grabbed another round of drinks, though she didn’t even think she wanted to drink earlier that evening. It was her turn to usher Tammie Lynn forward toward the cousins. They all spent the rest of the evening together, and eventually, it was time to head home. Tammie Lynn and Eric got to talk amongst themselves for a while. Sue Ellen entertained the cousins and had to take a cab home. The wedding was an early one the next afternoon. Since the families were of two faiths, the wedding was held outdoors. The wedding color scheme was blue and yellow, it was a lovely spring morning in the backyard of the Walker residence, only an hour out of the city. The Chuppah was a beautifully built pergola that the Walker family made for her. He said it symbolized the effort that went into blending a family. The veiling and the walk to the Chuppah were wonderful to watch as each family gave away their children. Of course, Tammie Lynn cried the whole time and kept stuffing tissues in her purse. She had always been a little sappy compared to Sue Ellen who rarely cried. She noticed Eric seated a little behind them on the bride’s side of the aisle. He glanced at Tammie Lynn often, smiling at the woman’s blubbering. Somehow being with Tammie Lynn was cathartic and cleansing. Washing away the stink of her old self. Even if she wasn’t the one crying. Eventually, the ceremony came to an end, it was a little long because both faiths were addressed, and there was a Rabbi and a Preacher in attendance. Lots of praying, and singing, some speeches. Lunch was barbeque, potluck-style. Very Walker. Everyone sat on picnic tables, and a huge dancing area was set up in the center. The bride and groom had their first dance, but then the party opened up. Sue Ellen wasn’t always a dancer, but it was a fun bunch. She found herself dancing with just about everyone at some point. Some of the old-timers brought out instruments, from both families. Somehow, they made it work, either taking turns or playing popular songs. The sun shone down on them, as the two families swirled in a bouncing continuum. For a moment, Sue Ellen was free. She was wearing red polka dots today, a dress she had pushed far back into her closet, almost in hiding. It was thin and airy, and she felt radiant. She chose boots again, though she put on the nice cream-colored ones with the white tassels. By the end, they were grass-stained and sweaty. She separated herself from the group for a moment, it was about three o’clock and she had been dancing for hours. She kicked off her boots and found a cool patch of grass beneath the shade of an old hickory tree. She nodded off, the cool breeze on her flushed cheeks. The sky was brilliantly blue, and her toes felt soothed beneath the thick grass. A gentle clicking sound roused her, who knows how long she slept there. Looking up, it was Bubbe, she had pulled a lawn chair out to sit with her beneath the tree. “Hey, Bubbe Blum. You, okay?” Sue Ellen sat up on her elbows. Her body felt loose and relaxed. The older woman in her fine yellow fascinator hat, her hair looked like a bouquet as she sat above Sue Ellen, the shade framing her body in a silhouette. “Just watching my grandson fall in love with your friend. I would have thought you would go for him. And here I knew I would find you feeling sorry for yourself, but you look just like the picture of splendor.” She looks down at Sue Ellen with a fond expression. “Being here with you all reminded me of better times and a better version of myself. Are you sad that it wasn’t me?" She paused, thinking. "I don’t think it should be me. I’m not ready for that yet. Hell, only yesterday I thought I was worthless and boring. Now I don’t even know what to think.” She trailed off, lost in thought as she watched the party wind down. “A day can make a big difference, can’t it?” Bubbe got a faraway look, but then she patted Sue Ellen’s arm and stood to leave. “You’re going to be alright, kid.” Sue Ellen beamed because she knew it to be true.