text: Hey, I don't really ever use reddit, but I have this idea for a short story. I wrote two chapters last year but never had the confidence to show it to anyone. I was really into Douglas Adams at the time that i wrote i an if any of you have read his books, you'll probably see the influence. Anyways, just let me know what you think about it. Chapter. 1 I was sitting in my office, staring discontentedly at the picture frame that occupied the front right corner of my desk. I picked it up, moved it to the front left corner, and immediately regretted the decision. I slid it back to the right corner and was satisfied. The picture frame was one of three items on my desk, along with a pencil and something that is of no concern to you, or anyone for that matter. I picked up the pencil and instinctively reached for the drawer on my left hand side and removed a pencil sharper from it. I attempted to sharpen my pencil, which i thought was much too dull for my tastes, and felt immediate regret in having ruined my last mechaniical pencil. I put the pencil sharpener in the drawer from which I removed it and opened the top drawer on my left hand side. I picked up the wooden pencil that was inside of it. "It's just not the same." I said, or maybe thought. I put the wooden pencil back into the drawer and stared at it grudgingly for a few minutes, then shut the drawer. Turning my attention back to the picture frame on my desk, I started to wonder if maybe I should move it when someone knocked at my door. "Yes?" "..."What do you mean yes?" A voice responded. "Well, I'm not entirely sure, just come in." I said. The door opened and a man took several steps in. He was a strange man that walked as if he had a hermit crab in his shoe. It was my secretary, whose name is of no importance. He stopped at the front of my desk and stared at it for a few seconds, as if it were completely alien to him. "What is that?" He asked. "What is what?" I replied. "That" He said, pointing at... well it doesnt matter what he pointed at. "That's no concern of yours." I said. He continued staring, rather rudely I might add, for a few seconds. He apparently decided it wasn't worth further questioning and looked away from it. "I have something very important to tell you." He said. "What is it?" "I think that picture frame would fare much better on the other side of your desk. I considered this for a moment and came to the conclusion that it was completely insane. "Only a madman would think that." I thought, or maybe said. "is that all?" I said. "No." he said, and pulled a notepad out of his pocket, flipped the page several times muttering something about a walrus, and flipped back to the page he was initially on. "It's your wife, sir" "Which one?" "Er.." He flipped the page several more times until he found a page that satisfied him. "The blonde one." "What about her?" "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but she's been murdered." "Oh, not another one." I said insouciantly. I thought for a second, moved the picture fram to the other side of my desk, and looked up. "Very nice, sir." Said my secretary, pleased. "Well, do you know who did it?" I asked. He flipped through his notepad again, furrowed his brow, and said "A walrus, I think." "That's new" I said. "Are you sure?" "No, but It's in the notepad, sir." "Well, thank you for bringing me this infromation. Do you know where it happened?" "At your house." "That's strange. How could a walrus have killed her there?" He shrugged and turned to leave. He stopped at the trashcan, took off his shoe, and shook it over the trashcan. "How did that get in there?" He muttered as he shut the door. I got up and walked to the door, intending to solve the problem that awaited me at home. But first, of course, I'll have to stop for a quick drink. Yes, that's what I'll do. This is surely a problem that can't be solved without a quick drink. Before leaving, I looked at my desk to check if I was forgetting anything and it turned out to be a mistake, as all I could think about was that I needed a picture to go in the frame on my desk. I decided I'll do it another day, when I was distracted by a clicking sound coming from my trashcan. I looked in it and, upon seeing a hermit crab, came to the conclusion that I'll need more than a quick drink. I opened the door and set off on what would surely be a rather confusing and unpleasant adventure.