text: As I looked out from the bow of the boat, I could see Kadear Coalfields - or Pomafauc Reset as it was now known. The last time I saw this view, I was desperately rowing - fleeing. Back before I was picked up by Kedrick and met Alessia, before the library, before Deer Drum, before Sannaz, before meeting and losing Lachlann. Back when everything was different. Still, I could recognize it as my home. The hills that rose in steps from the ocean and the tall deciduous forests with their tightly packed trees that hugged the white-walled Citadel. Even from a kilometre out, I could make out the boats lined up on the sand, and the rows of small single-storey homes that overlooked the beach. Alessia walked up beside me. “What’s the plan?” I turned and chuckled. “I feel like that’s something I usually ask you.” She smirked. “Not here. You know this place. I’ve never set foot past the beach.” I looked back at the island. My life here may have gone, but she was right. I still knew every building, every path, every inch. “Sannaz spoke to people about me, right? There’s not that many people who know me that well round here.” “Surprised.” Alessia folded her arms. “Can’t get you to shut up these days.” I extended an arm and gently shoved her to one side as she laughed mockingly. “Too busy chasing the citadel to make friends.” I shook my head at my own former foolishness. “So who does know you?” “Two people we should find. First is Thomas. Old friend of mine. We used to work in the same office. Other guy is Jacob. He was one of the prisoners with me at the Citadel. He was the only one I told about my plan to escape. He was in on it too.” “No ex-lovers we’ve got to have awkward conversations with?” Alessia said, raising an eyebrow. I cocked my head. “Sorry to disappoint you.” I shrugged. “Never really got around to it...” “Yeah, yeah. I get it. Only girl you’ve ever fancied was the Citadel.” Alessia snorted at her own joke. I looked back at the island growing steadily larger in view and gritted my teeth. “You have no idea what happened here in the past six months?” Alessia pursed her lips and shook her head. “I know there was some chaos. Fewer traders came here during that. Then it changed its name. But, other than that...” “I left a fugitive. That might still be the case. They may have orders to shoot me on sight.” I took a deep breath as the words left my mouth, pretending they hadn’t been scary to say. “We need to put a sack over your head or something?” I pointed to myself. “We should be good as long as we’re quiet. Doubt anyone would recognize me.” Six months away had given me a leaner, skinnier frame, a sprouting beard and hair just long enough for my natural curls to show. “If they’re looking for me and they squint, we're in trouble. Otherwise we should be fine.” “So you’re not Ferdinand returning to claim his homeland then?” “No.” I smiled. “Just another trader.” I looked back out at the sea. My eyes thinned, and my mouth frowned - a face that kept returning over the voyage. Alessia leaned in, stretching out an arm and placing it on my shoulder. “How are you holding up?” “I’ve seen enough crap on the Archipelago. But. Lachlann... I can’t let it go.” I looked down at the light blue seas, and listened to the soft splash of water against the hull, losing myself in that same familiar noise. “I know what you said, about me not being able to do anything. But I’ll always wish I’d done something - anything so that he was still with us. you know?” Alessia nodded. “That’s natural.” “I feel like he’d want me to be positive and keep doing what we were doing. Be good people, spread happiness, try and make the Archipelago a better place. So I’m trying to do that.” Alessia blinked. “Sounds like an excellent plan.” “But, it’s hard.” I said, turning to her. “How are you holding up?” Alessia scoffed. “I think I’ve seen enough to push it to one side a bit. I’ll grieve. But, maybe once this is all over.” I stared into her eyes, checking for the emotions she wasn’t showing. “You know you’re allowed to feel too, right?” A smile flickered across her lips. “I know. And I promise you - when I’m ready I will.” ---------------------------------- An hour later the boat wedged itself against the sand, using the natural friction to keep us in place. Alessia disembarked and ran the anchor out the front. I lingered, standing at the side of the boat, looking down at the sand below. When I left, I had disowned these shores, marked them as a place I could not tread. And now, I was staring down, unsure if it was even possible to land on them. “You coming?” Alessia called out from the beach. I swallowed and jumped down, feeling my feet cushion into the damp and coarse beach. Once more, I was back on Kadear. Rationally, the sand here would feel no different to any other island. Yet, as I caught up to Alessia I could still sense a familiarity about the ground beneath me. My feet remembered their home soil. My soles had moulded to the gritty grains, my cadence adjusted to the loose texture. These shores had left an indelible print on me. As we reached the top of the beach I turned back and looked to the far end. Workers brought bags of coal down the beach in hessian sacks, lugging them down to the boats before lifting them up to the waiting shiphands. Meanwhile, traders waved their arms in grand gestures as they negotiated their price. I caught myself twitching a smile at the old song and dance. Buyers pretended to turn away from the offered rate before sellers reached out a hand to offer a compromise. Arms were folded. Lips pursed. Heads shook. Until eventually, inevitably, the parties agreed on a rate. Yet, still. The beach looked quieter than I remembered. The flow of sacks was not quite as constant. The island’s merchants too seemed slightly more agitated, their motions twitchy and uncertain. I was interrupted by a voice from behind me. “Good day.” I turned around to see a short woman walking towards us. “Have you come to Pomafauc to sell?” Pomafauc felt strange to hear. I had to suppress an instinct to correct her. “Nothing to sell. Just visiting. Getting a feel for what’s on offer.” Alessia responded. The woman turned to me, her eyes narrowing. “First time here?” “Yes,” I replied quickly. “Well, welcome. If you do decide you’ve got something to sell, be sure to find me. I’ll make sure you get the best deal on the island.” “Thank you,” I replied, trying to force confidence into my voice. The woman paused, nodded, and then walked past us back down the beach. “You know her?” Alessia whispered as we continued walking. “We’ve met a few times.” “Well she looked right through you. Seems we're safe.” I nodded, and we began walking up the hill. As we reached the top, my eyes were caught by another old memory. To the side of the path, the wall curved briefly away. On any good day, I would cycle up this hill and sit on that wall, staring down at the cove below. It was where my dreams of travelling the Archipelago were born: watching the traders in their differing outfits, bringing their own unique wares to the island. It was my taste of a world outside my own, the little spark that made me fascinated by what else lay out there. It was also where Thomas found me on my last free day on Kadear. It was the last place we spoke as colleagues and friends. “You okay?” Alessia asked. “Yeah.” I forced my feet onwards, but my eyes glanced back at that old spot. I wondered, if I could go back to that moment and change things, would I? Did I still want to be on that wall thinking of the world beyond these beaches, or was I better off now despite everything I had faced. “This place was always too small for you,” Alessia muttered. “What?” “I’m guessing that’s what’s on your mind. Being back here.” She nodded to the ground by our feet. “Your hand was forced. But you always would’ve left eventually.” I forced a chuckle. “Maybe. The citadel though. I was so determined.” Alessia twitched her nose. “From what you’ve told me, despite what a fool you think you were, you always had eyes on another dream. You would’ve gone chasing it eventually.” She paused. “You might’ve been seventy and your brittle bones would’ve given out half a mile to sea, but you’d have made it.” She turned to me with the tip of her tongue caught in her teeth. I laughed, shaking my head as we descended into the town. I began looking for signs of change, but everything seemed oddly similar. The homes were still the same pastel colours of white and beige brick. The people wore the same clothes. The shops and offices had the same signs above their entrance. I had left Kadear with the Citadel on fire. Yet, as I stared down the street, it was as if it had never happened. I leaned over to Alessia. “Everything’s exactly how it was.” Alessia looked at me with a raised brow. “You were expecting your face on a giant mural?” “No.” I sighed, irritation in my voice. “But... what if nothing changed?” “What?” “What if nothing changed? They covered it all up. The same people still rule the island. Everything I did and everything I went through, what if Kadear stayed the same?” Alessia scrunched her face. “Didn’t you see people arrive, see the fake buildings?” “Yes, but...” My voice trailed off, as I restlessly rolled my head. “Can you speak to someone? Ask them?” “Ask them what?” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Does the Citadel still stand?” She let out a slow exhale. “I’ll be back in a second.” She stood for a second, eyeing up the passers by, before focusing in on a man stepping out of one of the nearby homes. I watched the conversation out of the corner of my eye. I saw the man scrunch his face. Then he shook his head. Alessia replied with something. The man turned and pointed to the north, back towards where the citadel stood. Alessia said something more. The man laughed. Alessia turned from the man with a grin on her face. It became a flat line again as soon as she saw me. I bit my lip, feeling tension in my arms. “So?” Alessia shook her head. “Said the Citadel is gone. The buildings that didn’t burn down are still there, but apparently it’s a town square or something now. Some kind of public space.” “It’s gone.” I sighed with relief, as though feeling a tumour removed. “Yeah.” My feet kicked into gear and I headed down a small side street. “I need to see if something else has changed.” “What?” Alessia asked, catching up with me. “My home. I need to know what’s there now.” Alessia followed me as I weaved back and forth between the tightly packed houses, until we came out on another street. The plots here were wider, each with their own small gardens, and the buildings a few rooms bigger. I counted the doors, walking past the houses of my former neighbours, until I turned one last corner and found my old home. The thread connecting me to my old life pulled once more and I felt a small pang in my chest, my ribs drawn towards the dull walls and the memories they held. I leaned against one of the mesh screens and looked through. It had all gone. The furniture had been removed, the plates on the counter replaced with a dark shade of green, the shelves now holding new books. However, above all else, I stared at the now blank wall where my old map used to be. It was there I had pinned up a huge cloth and etched out my rudimentary understanding of the Archipelago, trying to match it to the old world. I had learned so much since then, enough that I knew much of that map was terribly wrong. But still, it was lost, replaced with emptiness. I never loved this home. It was always a placeholder, a temporary shelter until I got to my real home. But it held so much of my life and who I was. The possessions that formed the person that I was were all inside these four walls. I knew I could never go back to Kadear. But until now, I had assumed that was because of circumstance; physical and legal barriers. Now, as I stared into that home, I realised that there was no old life to ever go back to. I, or who I was, had gone forever. A voice broke me from my contemplative trance. “Excuse me. Ferdinand?” I turned to see a woman and three other people standing a few metres away. I didn’t recognize any of the faces, but I knew the uniform - that of the guards at the Citadel. “I’m sorry...” I stuttered. “I think you might be mistaken.” “Ferdinand,” the woman repeated. “And I assume you are Alessia.” Alessia nodded. “Would you please follow us? We’ve been ordered to take you to Citadel Park.” “I’m sorry. But..” I felt a dryness in my mouth at the thought of going back to that place. “By whom?” The woman responded as though she were recalling a script. “We’re operating by order of the Government and the office of the new Premiere.” \ Next chapter March 24th.