text: Ben Malchuk had finally made the arduous trek up the steep, rocky mountain to the colossal open-faced cave where Rezo the Flameless resided. The 25-year-old auditor, cleared his throat and fixed his cobalt tie as he stood 30 yards away from the intimidating den. “Um, M-Mr Flameless, are you there?” Ben nervously yelled into the dark abyss of the cave. There was a momentary silence, followed by an unholy wave of screeching and stomping noises that made Ben cover his ears and shut his eyes. Finally, Rezo emerged from the shadows. Ben uncovered his ears, slowly opened his eyes and titled his head upwards to meet the purple-eyed gaze of the intimidating creature. Ben finally regained his composure. “I’m from the IRS who's here in relation to the declaration of your horde from your recent raids,” Ben said. “What about ‘em?” Rezo’s deep, booming voice replied. “Well, it says here you crushed and looted a village of 1500, but only declared 10 silver coins in your horde,” Ben said whilst staring intently at his clipboard. “Not my fault if they’re poor, besides you can’t prove they had any more,” Rezo said in a conceited manner. Ben looked up from his clipboard, “Ok, but what about the 100 square foot cave you claim is your residence in the tax-haven shire of Florate?” Rezo’s demeanor changed instantaneously and he responded nervously, “U-uh, well, I’ll admit that it’s quite cosy.” “You’re 115 feet tall and 40 feet wide sir,” Ben said matter-of-factly. Ben continued to skim through page on his clipboard, “Ah yes, also it says here you claimed 100 gold coins in your horde for ‘miscellaneous internal flame related expenses’, when you can’t breathe fire?” Rezo became more agitated and raised his voice, “How would you know?” “Well, maybe because it’s in your name,” Ben replied bluntly. There was once again a momentary silence. Rezo began to dart his eyes from side to side, then he immediately leapt into the air and his scaly black wings flapped frantically as he flew off into the distance. Ben watched and sighed. He pulled out his phone and began to dial his superior. “Hi Gary, it’s Ben and I’m he-,” “Lemme guess, another dragon did a flyer,” Gary said in an annoyed tone. “Mhmm,” Ben responded. Gary sighed, “Alright, I'll call that Witcher guy again, Geralt I think his name was.” Gary hung up.