text: Day 0 of Transformation: I can’t believe no one’s done this before! I’ll be the first person to achieve super human status! I mean sure there are people who have crazy abilities like super binge-watching, super binge-eating, and super screaming but no one has tried to splice animal genes with human genes to archive biochemical superiority! I’m not really into science but I found this new slug cleanser thing that helps with dry skin. If I can manage to use the same method of “extraction” (a word I learned from a science articles) I can use sea slug DNA to make my skin toxic and I’ll be able to slide on walls! What do I know though? I’m just a full-time food blogger. Day 1 of Transformation: So, the DNA mixer thing was kind of a bust. I had to get some refurbished nanoscanners and a molecular printer (whatever that is!) to get the serum right. Damn thing took all night to run in the centerfruge. I poured out the slug compound into the kitchen sink and now I’m getting to ready for a test run. I figured it would be green but it has more of a yellow tinge to it. Just have to use a turkey baster to inject the stuff into well...the rear entry. Tetro...tredo...tedrodoxinaor -- whatever, it’s going to turn me into a super human. Wish me luck! Day 2 of Transformation: I injected the doxinator yesterday and I feel great! Besides the constant diarrhea and itchy skin, I think I’m doing pretty good. I have the costume ready to go. The fabric is body forming but in dark alleys and on roof tops the super villains won’t see my rolls. The slug logo was a little on the nose but they’ll get the idea. Kinda hard use the sewing machine when your fingers are all sticky. Little bit achy too. Speaking of nose and pus, my nose has been oozing since last night. Probably just a side effect. Time to watch some Space Trek. Day 3 of Transpirnation: Had a weird dream about a lizard trying to eat me. Maybe that means my mortal enemy should be a salamander or oh! a chameleon. “The Chameleon.” Scary! He (or she!) could fight me in the sewers where I’d have my secret base. My head feels a little woozy which kinda heightens my perception of reality, like getting over a cold. I’m more concerned over the fact that I can’t eat fries anymore. The salt turns my insides into mush and I still have snot bubbles. My eyes are starting to bulge too. Maybe I’ll have super vision. Day 4 of tranpirntation: I do not have super vision. Turns out I might be going bind. It’s becoming harder to write these journal posts. I’m becoming less excited about becoming a super hero. It’s not as fun as I thought. I’m asking my fans to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I never assumed changing into something more powerful would be painless but this kinda sucks...My skin is starting ooze and my clothes are getting ruined. I’ll have to stay in the bathturb for a while. Update 7:03 PM: I can longer go to the bathroom. Eyes are bleeding. Dau 5 of tramsnorion: lost fingnenails. Only thing I can keep down is leetus and small bugs. Cant hold down nachos. Cant hold mouse without slipping out of hand. Horrible smell come up from the belches. Not sure if super serum or roaches. They try to claw their wauy out but taste ok after suome chewing. Skin melting off. Eyes hanging from sockets. Cat is missing. I smell dirt. Neighbor came banging on door abut the wuater from the tub, compleining about leakge. This will be all over soon. Chaenge is always difficult. Going to check teeth. I think they’re getting loose. Ill be super powered when this os ofver. Update 6bm: realizing this was mistaak Daw 8 of trans: lost 48 hors. Throte filng with fluwid. Fell unconktious in tub of water. Eyes growing into cheeks. Can barely move. Boudy ish bigger and slimie. Feel bloated. Hair, toenails gone. Not good. Everythang slower. Thoghts are slower. Everthfng withering. Moving ish sloweir. Laptop getting wet. Skin gone over fingers, typing with tips of beon fingers. Veary painfull. My insides are gello. Iy can taste blood. Also throwing up liquid tisseue. Cant get out of tub. Cant go on. Please heulp please healp Dhduej7& cauntcant.