text: Do you remember Sludge? I do. They were a large, slimy blob that consumed everything. The muck left behind after they tore through an area wasn’t acid, fortunately, but it was absolutely disgusting. I wouldn’t want to be in his path. But one day, I didn’t have a choice. Like the cornered animal I was, I lashed out. To my surprise, I won that battle. One hit, and sludge just... Well... it wasn’t quite the opposite of turning to goo. The muck was still there, but it stopped being a muck monster and just became muck. The weirdest part is that a person was in it. A very shocked, very confused, and very scared person. I did what anyone would do in this situation - I ran away. The last thing I wanted was to be round when Sludge reformed. Based on what I heard from AVS News though, that... just never happened? According to reporters, the person inside was sludge, and was miraculously “cured”. Did I think that was weird? Absolutely. Did I spend much time on it? No, why would I? &#x200B; Three months later, there was a similar occurrence. You see, I was catering for this kid’s party, when this guy we knew as Flame showed up. Parents and children panicked - and why wouldn’t they? Flame was famous for burning down hospitals! Churches! Parks!!! I wasn’t gonna let him hurt the kids! Turns out that was not one, but two mistakes. First, never punch fire. It HURTS. And then your hand might STAY ON FIRE. Second, make sure you know who you are catering for. Flame? Was the kid’s uncle. He was just coming to drop off a gift. And I beat him up. In front of the party. I actually knocked him out cold. Whoops. The story actually doesn’t end there. You see, it turns out the hospital almost killed him. Due to Flame’s unique condition, the hospital had this special treatment room set up. The cooling in there can be brutal if you aren’t, say, a supernatural furnace. It didn’t get a very long segment on AVS News, and I hadn’t connected the dots yet, but looking back... it would have been my fault if he had died in that hospital room. &#x200B; But it wasn’t till Ice retired that I began to connect the dots. Before you ask, no. I didn’t lay a hand on Ice. She may be a frozen \*\*\*\*\*, but I have never in my life laid a hand on her. The thought of having to fight her still gives me the chills, despite my training! And I wasn’t even that far along when I met her! Back in those days I had only begun my self defense classes. You see, after getting into fights multiple times, I thought it might not be a bad idea to take up boxing. I bought some equipment and began going to this little gym down town. I even had a regular sparing partner. She’d punch me, I’d punch her. Sometimes we’d block, sometimes we’d get hit. It was fun. She often had to miss a week due to medical reasons though. She had an incurable medical condition that costed thousands of dollars a month if she wanted to live even two more years. I can see why She and Ice were under a lot of stress. After a full month of no-shows I had assumed the worst. I almost didn’t go back to the gym after a while. &#x200B; Then Ice suddenly announced her retirement. My sparing partner returned that week too - apparently her incurable condition had just... cleared up somehow! On it’s own! The doctors were baffled! As for why Ice retired... well I suppose it’s easier to get buy without stealing from people when you aren’t paying thousands every month to keep your wife alive. &#x200B; I suppose this means I kinda have an obligation to “save the world” or something. But if I’m being honest? I don’t really want to fight crime or go around punching random people in hopes it makes them better. I’m a baker. I make cakes and cater parties. &#x200B; \[OT\] About this piece: The first version of this was written in response by a prompt from u/slashd on r/WritingPrompts. A Mod suggested I share this here. The prompt: "You can cure any illness by punching the person really hard in the face. It has a 50% success chance, and you can't tell/explain anyone about this.