text: I staggered after Lucy, even though she was the one wearing heels. She marched quickly and with purpose, her shoes click-clacking on the cold linoleum. In my defense, I was carrying some supplies for the caterers. I was too nervous to sit around, so I asked if I could help them. At this moment, I was struggling to maintain my grip on a large box filled with champagne glasses, craning my neck to the side to make sure I didn’t trip. “I spoke to Jeff, I told him to take Grandpa straight into the family area. He’ll get annoyed if he has to keep moving about, you know how he is. I think you should deal with him, I’ll do better with Linda.” Lucy was giving instructions to our uncle Mikey, despite being more than twenty years younger than him. Poor Mikey was hurrying after her just like I was, his own box of kitchenware in his arms, nodding his head every so often and adding the occasional “Uh huh”. “Carla, did you speak to Linda today? She told me she would ring you if she couldn’t get through to me. My phone wasn’t getting a signal when I was downstairs.” “Uh... No, I haven’t checked my phone in a while though.” “Well can you get to that soon? Jesus, there’s a lot going on and I would appreciate it if you could think about someone other than yourself for once.” I gritted my teeth and willed myself not to respond. The sides of the box were digging into my arms and my fingers were aching from clasping so hard. I pictured my mother in my mind, listened to her laugh and felt her soft arms wrapped around me. In a couple of hours, I would see her again. “When we get to the reception hall I’ll call her myself, since I’m the only one that can be bothered to do anything.” She took out her phone and began jabbing her fingers at the screen. The room was already in sight, I could see the wall of windows facing out onto the badlands, the sun looking softer than the stark, artificial lights in the corridor. Mikey slowed his pace to veer in beside me. “Hey kid, how are you holding up? That box heavy for ya?” “Not at all.” “You’re not nervous for the landing are ya? They say it’s a lot safer than the launch. A lot safer.” Mikey smiled and shook his head. “I don’t know how she did it. She was always crazy, you know. When we were kids, she’d always bike faster than all of us, always climb the highest and do the stupidest stunts.” “Uh huh.” My hands were in pain now and I rushed the last few steps into the room to get to the table before the box dropped out of my hands. I planted the box down as gently as I could and then shook my hands out in sweet relief. “You know, she always said she was gonna go to space. That was her dream.” Mikey put down his box, more gracefully than I had. I turned to the window to hide my face from him, hoping he wouldn’t want to talk too much. “She would buy all these science magazines about space travel. She was always talking about like, space shuttles and stuff.” “Yeah.” “I bet it’s cool to have a mum who’s gone to space.” He laughed and put his arm around me. “All the kids in school must think it’s pretty amazing right?” “Yeah.” I looked out at the landscape, blank and dull and barren. I wished I could harness some of that emptiness for myself. I tried not to think about my mother slamming into that barrenness at 286 miles per hour. ------------------------------------- Mikey and I continued ferrying boxes into the room. There were balloons and banners to put up, we were unsure about how much decorating to do before the landing. “Maybe we should wait until we get confirmation,” I said. “You know, don’t want to tempt fate.” Although if she did die, I’m sure the caterers wouldn’t mind packing everything up by themselves, I supposed. Lucy continued patrolling between rooms, talking into her phone or firing updates at us, while we fiddled with the food and kitchenware. She would greet all of the NASA employees with a beaming smile, full of warmth. People were very friendly to me, full of compliments about my mum. I had a hard time focusing on the conversations, my stomach was in knots and my mind was filled with images of the Challenger disaster. Grandpa arrived before Linda. I hadn’t seen him in years, and I was amazed when I caught a look at him. He was wearing a suit and tie, it looked very expensive. He shuffled over to our seats, head down and face as grumpy as ever. “We’re all so glad to see you here, Grandpa,” Lucy said, helping him to a chair. “Huh,” he grunted in reply. “Can I get you a coffee Grandpa?” “Uh, yeah. Three sugars.” We sat in awkward silence for a moment, Grandpa staring at the ground and Mikey and I not knowing what to say. I was sort of touched that he had come all the way here. Grandpa and Linda never attended the launch last year. The last time I remembered seeing him was when Linda gave birth to her first son, that was eight years ago. I wondered if he had spoken to mum since then. Linda arrived a short while later with her husband and three kids in tow. They swept in like a blizzard, the two older boys stabbing each other with rockets and the baby fussing in his stroller. “Boys! No messing in here, there’s very expensive equipment! George, control them.” We passed the time waiting in three teams, Mikey and me together, Linda and her family, and Grandpa on his own. Everyone was at a loss about what to say to each other. Linda was friendlier than Grandpa had been, she told me I had a pretty dress and asked how school was. Mikey played with the boys a bit before Linda gave them a time out. Lucy hovered between us all, topping up everyone’s coffee and promising to get an update on the schedule. “Alright folks, the shuttle will be entering Earth’s atmosphere very soon, we can all head to the control room to watch.” My heart fluttered and my stomach was woozy. I stayed close to Mikey as we walked. The control room was enormous, tv screens and computers everywhere. I scoured the screens to find anything that could be an alert or an SOS, but the staff were jovial and the room had an air of excitement. There was a large screen ahead of us showing a fuzzy blue line. At firs,t I thought the image wasn’t working, then I realised it must be a camera in front of mum’s shuttle. The top part of the screen was black, the bottom was a brilliant white from the sun shining over the ocean. The fuzzy line was the Earth’s atmosphere, curving steadily. I stared in amazement, it was so peaceful. “Hey guys, wanna talk to your mum?” We bustled with excitement. “Discovery, this is mission control. Do you copy?” “Loud and clear.” There it was, my mother’s voice. I had been able to call her a few times during her mission. She was always bright and full of energy, excited to tell us about everything on the ISS. “Alright Hazel, we’ve got your family here. You guys go ahead and speak.” We all felt shy. “What’s up sis?” was Mikey’s message. “I love you mum,” was all I could think to say. “I love you too so much. I’m gonna give you such a big hug when I see you.” “T minus 6 minutes,” said an officer. “Alright, we got to close the channel and divert power to the engines. See you soon Hazel.” “Bye guys, have a cold one ready for me Mikey.” “Will do.” We watched in fascination as the shuttle continued to orbit the Earth. The NASA employees gave updates and instructions to each other, while I stood there feeling helpless. Speeds of 800 miles and hour, 750 miles and hour and dropping. The outside of the shuttle looked so serene, it was strange to think how fast they were flying. NASA switched the camera on the main screen to one outside the building overlooking the runway. The shuttle was approaching in the distance. Our faces were glued to the screen with a mixture of awe and fear. I clung to Mikey, feeling the tears prick at the sides of my eyes. The shuttle was close now, and had its wheels distended. “And we have touchdown.” The shuttle sped along the runway, releasing a brightly-coloured parachute behind. My heart beat wildly like a trapped bird. The control room erupted in applause as the shuttle came to a stop. Linda’s boys were cheering and jumping up and down in delight. I saw Lucy cover her eyes and shrink into herself. Grandpa came to her side and pulled her into a hug. I saw him wipe away a tear and was so surprised I forgot my own emotional breakdown for a moment. ------------------------------ They sent us back to the family room again. I walked back carefully, my body feeling weightless, my legs detached from me. It would be an hour or so before we could see mum, she had to undergo pressure stabilisation and have a check up before leaving the shuttle. When my hands stopped shaking I tried putting up some banners, but found I had no ability to concentrate at all. Even Lucy seemed unable to summon the will to get annoyed with me. Mum walked in at last to great cheering and elation. She was so pale, like a sleepwalker who couldn’t decide where to go. Her eyes searched the room and when I caught her eye, her smile exploded. I rushed to her, wanting to wrap her all around me so tightly I could never escape. “Baby, baby. I have you again,” she whispered in my ear. I felt her warm breath on my neck. Everyone got a turn to hug her, I kept my hand on her back, making sure I was always touching her, confirming she was really there. Grandpa approached her with his head down. He didn’t say anything. He looked like he was shivering, then I saw that he was crying. “Oh dad!” My mum grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace.