text: It started to rain cats and dogs right after I left my small flat viewing the most crowded city of the town. I found the little gate to that garage which I had never seen before to cover. I didn’t know why I had the impulse to hit the little, steel door to open but I was content to be under a roof finally. While I was trying to get rid of the water drops on my jacket, something shiny caught my eye. It was all dark and due to the extreme dampness, I could figure out that this place hadn’t been visited for so long. I decided to approach that shiny object slowly as if I was cautious. I wasn’t, not at all. I had never been cautious or sensitive about anything in my life. I was very proud of describing myself as a “logical, brave and realistic person” which was just an excuse for me to ignore the very best part of life; my emotions. I was acting confident again to touch the shiny part of the object, the rest of which was in darkness. Suddenly it woke up with great tones of colorful stripes of lights and sound! She welcomed me with a soft voice “Welcome to the new generation cars with EQ! Are you ready for a bumpy journey?” I was stunned, maybe the very first time in my life. The cars with EQ? What did that even mean? Responding with a hesitating voice, I could say, “Hello, uhm...” I was really talking to a car! It was a familiar thing for me to interact with artificial intelligence and benefit from the new technology but I had a feeling that this car was far more than that. Couldn’t keep my fascination to myself and asked, “What do you mean by a bumpy journey?” “We are not talking about a journey that you are used to, sir. Human beings can face some difficulty in this journey where you are taken to the places you need to be at.” I tried to understand the things she said while trying to accept the fact that I was talking to a car at the same time. “I need to be at my office in 15 minutes. Can you take me there?” “You have good ears but poor listening skills, sir. We meant the places you need to be at, not the ones you are supposed to be at.” It took a moment for me to figure out what she could mean. “If you let me, I can take you to a journey that would change your life. We are designed for that.” I was in the driver’s seat when she finished her sentence. The lights were off now and even though I didn’t touch anything, we got out of the garage from the door at the back. Thanks to the daylight, I could see that I was in a classic car from the 60s which I had no control on at all. “You can keep your hands on the steering wheel if you feel bothered to draw any attention from the people around.” “Yes, let’s not stand out. I wouldn’t like people to think that I am crazy for driving a classic car like it is autonomous.” She responded like a psychologist. “We cannot control what others think about us, so let’s not torture ourselves with this burden for now. Can I have your name, sir?” “Martin. Martin Blackgoat.” “And my name is Sarah, pleased to meet you Mr. Blackgoat. Have you ever wondered about the origins of your surname?” I had a deep breath to stall to find an answer but I couldn’t. “I don’t think I am interested in my ancestors’ history at all.” “Understood. Have you been sleep deprived lately, Mr. Blackgoat?” How could she know that? “Your nervous system also tells me that you need to reconsider the daily amount of caffeine intake, sir.” “How can you know all these?” “The seat you are sitting on right now has the latest technology. I know far more than that but you don’t need to know any more of this for now, sir. We have three main destinations to go to, Mr. Blackgoat. Shall we start with the easiest one?” I was about to convince myself that I was in a dream when my colleague called me to get mad at me for being late to the meeting. I didn’t respond to the call and turned my phone off. “I don’t know what it means but take me to my first destination then Sarah, please,” I responded. While Sarah was going down the road for whatever reason I didn’t know, I felt the need to crack a joke. “Are you taking me to my ex fiance’s cookie shop to confront her for leaving her?” I thought this joke would sound funny but Sarah didn’t even react to it for seconds. “No, sir. You have already confronted your mistakes and accepted your faults when you wished for happiness when she got married to her current husband.” My jaw dropped. She knew about my life than I had imagined. “Obviously you have access to my memories. Can you also read my mind Sarah?” “I am able to, sir; but I am not doing it as I haven’t got your permission, yet. However, I have access to many parts of your brain such as the cerebral cortex, frontal lobe, hypothalamus, corpus callosum and so on. I can also assess the biological states of your organs and hormones that would provide me more information about your biological and mental state more than any other human being has ever attained throughout history.” I was supposed to be scared at this point most probably, but I somehow felt like a really good doctor was examining me and I had been longing for such help for a long time. When we turned right at the traffic lights, I saw the college that I had applied to and accepted to the Department of Fine Arts 20 years ago. “You can’t be serious Sarah, ” I mumbled. “We have arrived at the first destination, Mr. Blackgoat. You have as much time as you wish to go in and reconsider the decision you took 20 years ago to drop school and start studying economics instead.” “What am I supposed to do now? Should I go in and do what?” “Take your time, sir. When you come back, you will be ready for the second destination.” I got out of the car complaining and regretting getting on it in the first place. What was I supposed to do now? It was too late to reconsider such a decision. I had spent my life working as an economist and making a lot of money. But when I entered the hall, with the invading smell of paint and tinner, I remembered my youth. I teared up, was I about to cry? What was that? I couldn’t even remember the last time I cried. But my tears started to fall even before I realized it. My youth... I had lost it long ago and now I could hear the sound of the brushes touching softly to the canvas, I could feel the indecisiveness about which brush to use, which colors to mix again. I remembered drawing my first love and leaving the portrait I made for her in her locker. I remembered getting lost in time while drawing. I never felt the same while I was counting money. And these all happened with my first step into the hall? After wiping my tears, I started walking slowly to the classrooms that I hadn’t chosen to walk on 20 years ago. It was too late. I decided to leave the building and turned to the exit when I saw maybe the oldest student of the department. He was probably 65 years old, holding his case and pencil case like any other student and his classmates were saying goodbye to him after an obviously enjoyable session. I felt envy and admiration at the same time. His smiling face was telling me that he knew he was at the right place. Was it that easy? You would just follow your dreams and be happy. Maybe I myself complicated the life that was supposed to be enjoyed in simple manners. I started to complain to Sarah when I sat on the driver’s seat back. “You told me that was the easiest destination Sarah. I cried after so many years!” “And how do you feel sir?” I had a moment to realize that I was quite relieved and my mind and body were relaxed after a long time. “Good,” I could say. “Then you are ready for the next destination. Could you please fasten your security belt, Mr. Blackgoat?” ... I thought about it the whole journey while looking out of the window. We were going down on a very crowded street with horns and sounds of gearboxes but all I could hear was the sound of dancing brushes. Lost in confusing emotions, I realized that we were in a bit more silent area of the town now. I couldn’t even question Sarah’s decisions any more. Then, I saw the big gate above which there was written “Every living thing will experience death one day.” Here we were. At my family’s cemetery. “Do we need to do this seriously Sarah?” I whispered. I was in a respectful and calm state of mind already. “I am sorry that you have lost all of your family members, Mr. Blackgoat.” I sighed, “Thank you. Sarah.” “Obviously, you still hold grudges towards your parents due to being neglected by them and because of the childhood traumas you experienced. And you thought the best way to overcome the pain would be to forget about their existence. But now, you feel guilty because you weren’t there when they died.” It was hard for me to confess this even to myself but Sarah was in my brain to deliver the thoughts I had buried for years. “Now, it’s time to talk to them. They will hear you, sir. All of your ancestors can hear you because you carry the pieces of their unfinished stories in your soul. They would like to hear what you are going to say.” “I don’t think they would be proud of me.” “It is time to change that, Mr. Blackgoat. Not by doing what they told you to do, but by searching for yourself in the first place.” I don’t remember how many hours I spent in that cemetery by visiting each and every grave my grandparents were lying in. I remember crying by some of them or laughing out loud by telling them the stories I heard about them from my parents. I felt that I had a family once. Maybe they really heard me, maybe not. But what I knew was that I wasn’t feeling lonely any more. ... The afterglow was fascinating when we left the cemetery. After such long conversations with my long gone parents, I was feeling a bit happier rather than feeling awkward. “You are changing my life, Sarah.” And I was genuinely happy about it. “You have one more destination left, Mr. Blackgoat. This is going to be the threshold for the life you subtly dream about.” “But I have everything I need right now. Please do not bother to tell me stuff like ‘go out of your comfort zone, travel the world’ Sarah. I am happy where I am right now.” “Your needs compose only a single part of your life, Mr. Blackgoat. I assume that you are allowed to retire now in terms of formal requirements. And I can see many digits in your bank account.” “Gosh! What a technology is that?!” “Here we are, at your last destination, sir. You have visited your youth which was waiting to be remembered. You have visited your elders and betters. Now, we are here, at the moment of your current age; the only time period we have control on. Please go and see this house that you’ve been visiting on a website for the last couple of months. And when you come back, please carry out your decision.” We were in front of the lovely villa I had been checking out for the last two months. It was in the countryside and had just the opposite features of the flat I was currently living in. It wasn’t a luxurious villa with a swimming pool or a cool barbecue. Instead, there was a very small garden at the back with many beautiful flowers attracting birds and giving the house the most beautiful melody in the world. I had the money and everything else I needed to move there. However, I was stuck in the small flat I’d been living in for the last ten years. Having already stopped thinking about how Sarah could find out these details of my life, I thought about why whether to get retired and move into this house or not was the most challenging process I had recently. “Are you going to leave me after I reveal my decision, Sarah?” “My service is already over, sir. It was a pleasure to work with you.” “What do you mean it is over?” “You have decided that you are home now.” “Did you sense it with your latest technology again? What a time we are living in...” “No, sir. You just can’t help smiling since you first set foot here.” She was right. I couldn’t keep my excitement to myself. I was finally home and Sarah... She was already gone.