text: TRIGGER WARNING: Explicit language and mention of substance abuse It had been five years since I'd been home for the holidays. The last time I was home for Thanksgiving dinner, I uncovered a massive secret my mother was keeping. She swore me to secrecy. What kind of mother would force her child to keep such a secret from her father? I resented her for that. I also blamed her for my little sister Joy's drug addiction and for my older brother Jonathan's gambling problem. She had single handily destroyed our whole family. This year, she had begged for us all to come together for dinner; she said she had something to tell us. I was grateful that my boyfriend Greg was attending dinner with me because I could really use his support. We'd been dating for eight months and I'd been avoiding introducing my family to him. I didn't come from a family filled with love, hugs and kisses. My family was filled with hatred, lies, deception and secrets. I wanted no parts of that so I decided to learn how to love them from a distance. "When the dysfunction begins, don't say I didn't warn you," I said to Greg as we walked hand-in-hand to the front door of my childhood home. "C'mon, Babe," he chuckled, "They can't be THAT bad." "Just you wait and see," I replied as I knocked on the door. My beautiful grandmother opened the door. I got my good looks from her, through my father. "Granny!" I exclaimed, genuinely happy to see her. She tended to be one of the least dramatic members of the family. We hugged and I introduced her to Greg. When I turned to look at him, he was standing with a blank look on his face. "Y'all c'mon in. Everybody's already here and waiting on ya!" she said as she walked towards the dining room. I turned back around quickly and shot Greg a confused look. "What's the matter?,"I asked him. "Oh...oh...n-nothing," he stuttered, "It's just-she looks way too young to be your grandmother. I giggled. "Good genes." We followed my grandmother into the dining room. She took a seat next to my grandfather at the far end of the table. I sat next to her, directly across from Joy and Jonathan. Greg sat in the seat between me and my cousin CJ. CJ was sitting next to his mom, Sandy, who is my mother's sister. Across from her was Uncle Ted, my dad's brother. In between him and Jonathan sat his daughter, my cousin Deena. My parents were seated at the other end of the table; both of them next to their own sibling. After introducing everyone to Greg, my grandfather blessed the food and we proceeded to break bread with one another. It wasn't long before Joy and Jonathan started their usual sibling banter, shortly being joined by CJ and Deena. Like clockwork, my parents began jesting with their respective siblings. Greg and I sat quietly enjoying the meal. I sipped on a chilled glass of wine, impatiently anticipating my mother's big reveal. Time was ticking and I was getting antsy. I was on my third glass of wine and it was starting to go to my head. Finally, my mother cleared her throat. "Well family," she said with a deep sigh, "I asked you all to come here today because I have something important to tell you. I'm just gonna get straight to it. I have cancer. It's stage four. They tell me I don't have much time left." I cocked my head to the side looking confused as my mother sat teary-eyed and a silence fell over the room. "Is that all, Mother?" I inquired aggressively. Greg squeezed my hand under the table to comfort me. I shook my head then continued. "No. You need to tell them the rest of the secrets you've been hiding." "Jenna, please," my mother begged. "Tell them, Mom. Tell them how you cheated on Dad and he's not Joy's real father." Every mouth sitting around the table fell open. "What!" Joy exclaimed, turning to our mother, "She's lying, right, Mom?" Silence. Finally, my father spoke. "Is it true, Sheila?" "Yes." She said, dropping her head. My father proceeded. "So, who is her father?" I looked at my mother, then we both looked at my grandfather. The guilty look on his face said it all. When it clicked in my father's head, heartbreak was written on his face. "Dad!," he yelled. My grandfather hung his head down. "I'm sorry, Son." Gasps and wishpers roamed all over the dinner table. "I'm sorry, Joe," my mother chimed in. "Back then, you were always traveling for work. I was just so lonely." "Lonely my ass, you tramp!," he growed at her. My mother began sobbing uncontrollably. I rolled my eyes noticing the death stare my grandmother was giving my grandfather. "I don't know why I thought you'd ever change," she said to him. "You've been a dog the whole fifty years we've been together! Dammit, James! Our son's wife! You're a pastor for God's sake!" " Edna, I...I...," he stuttered. "Save your excuses, you ol' fool! And you too, jezebel!," she exclaimed as she stood up, looking at my mother. She then scanned the rest of the faces at the table. "What's wrong with this family?," she asked. "Does anyone else have any secrets they want to share? I guarantee that each one of you at this table has a secret their hiding? How about who stole my bracelets?" Jonathan clear his throat as my grandmother sat back down. "Well since we're telling secrets...," he began, as he turned to look at our sister. "It was Joy, she's smoking crack again. She stole Granny's bracelets, pawned them, and smoked all that money." He put his fingers to his mouth as if he was smoking, to tease her. She smack his hand down. "Go to hell, Jonathan!," she screamed at him, "You're just mad I didn't give you any of the money to cover your gambling debts." She looked at our father. "Hey, Dad. Did Johnathan tell you that he's been sleeping with Deena." "She is your cousin, Johnathan!," my father hollered at him. "She's not my cousin," he replied. "Her momma told her that Uncle Ted is not her real father." "What the hell!," Uncle Ted yelled, wearing the same expression of despair his brother wore just a couple of minutes ago. "I'm sorry, Dad," Deena explained, "Mom's been paying me for years so I wouldn't tell you." She darted her eyes at my brother. "And how dare you," she grunted at him. I thought we were confiding in each other. I never told anyone that you told me your dad has been sleeping with your Aunt Sandy." "Yeah, I did it," my father said quickly, without hesitation. "I been sleeping with her. By the way, CJ.....we gonna have to talk about getting your name changed. I don't like the idea of MY son being named after another man." He raised both hands, balled up like fist. Then he opened them up like exploding bombs. "Boom!," he said to my mother as he stood up. "How ya like them apples?" Then he walked out of the dining room. Dinner with my family was the exact disaster that I was expecting it to be. "You see," I said to Greg as we walked back to the car after dinner, "My family is dysfunction at its finest. That's why I keep my distance." I opened the passenger side door, slide into the seat, and buckled my seat belt. I noticed an expression on Greg's face that I just couldn't read. "Baby, what's wrong," I asked concerned. "You've been acting strange all night. "J, I don't think we're gonna be able to continue seeing each other," he said somberly. I panicked. "Is it because of my family? Greg, they don't have to be part of our lives. Baby, I love you. Please, don't this" "Your family is wild, and no secrets are gonna be safe or stay buried." "Are you trying to say that you have a secret to tell me?" "Well....do you remember the conversation we had earlier in our relationship? The one about some of the wild sexcapades we've had before we met?" "Yes, but what are you trying to say, Greg? I don't understand." "Just listen. I know you remember me telling you about that older, cougar lady that I had a fling with." "Yes." "I don't know how to tell you this, Jenna. But, that lady is your grandmother...."