text: "O Dark Lord, we present to you this man as an offering!" The hooded figure's voice echoed in the darkness, bouncing off the cave walls before fading into an eerie, ambient drone. A heavy silence followed. The cultists exchanged nervous glances, holding their breath in anticipation, yet the man bound to the alter lay still and expressionless. The hiss of a faint whisper resonated briefly from the back of the crowd before a deafening crack split the silence. Hooded men and women toppled to the ground and uttered helpless cries as the cave trembled violently, causing rubble to rain down from every angle. A rift tore through the solid rock floor of the cave amid the chaos, and from it a jet of red steam burst skyward, emanating intense heat and the stench of burning flesh. A massive, imposing figure began to materialize through the steam. Now grinning, eyes wide and bulging with a mix of pure awe and terror, the cult leader scrambled to his feet with arms outstretched. At last, The Dark Lord appeared in all his horrendous glory, his eyes glowing red, with menacing horns wreathed in flames. Through the pointed teeth of his mighty jaws came a mildly irritated voice. "What do you want?" When the stunned cultists offered no immediate response, the demon continued. "Listen, you just woke me from my thousand-year slumber, so this better be good. Speak up now." "Your great and omnipotent majesty!" The cult leader exclaimed before gesturing to the prisoner bound to the alter. "We offer you this man as a sacrifice to symbolize our worship, so that you might favour us and accept us into your service as disciples!" "*F a v o u r u s !*" The enraptured gathering of cultists echoed his words. The Dark Lord turned his head, aiming his fiery gaze at the prisoner. For the first time since he was captured and bound to the stone alter, the man spoke, his voice firm and unwavering: "O Dark Lord, I present to you these cultists as an offering." A second silence befell the cave. "Well..." The Dark Lord spoke with a hint of amusement, fixing his gaze on the cult leader. "...What do you say to that?" The hooded man's eyes were wide with disbelief. "M-my lord Balthegor--" "*B a l t h e g o r !*" Droned the crowd. "Please, enough with the formalities," Balthegor waved a clawed hand dismissively and rolled his glowing eyes. "It's Jeff Balthegor. Call me Jeff." "Forgive me... Jeff..." the cult leader apologized incredulously. "*J e f f !*" He cleared his throat, attempting to gather his racing thoughts. "...But the prisoner's claim is preposterous! He has not recited the Infernal Creed, and accepted your will as his omnipotent overlord!" He raised an ancient, unsavoury-looking tome, bound in the skin of some unidentifiable creature. "*I n f e r n a l C r e e d !*" Jeff approached the prisoner, rattling the cave walls with each thunderous step. He leaned over, until his gaunt, dead face hovered inches above that of the man. "So, prisoner... do you accept my will?" "Sure," he deadpanned. The cult leader huffed in frustration as Jeff glanced back at him, raising his scaled brow matter-of-factly. "But Jeff, he doesn't even bear The Mark!" "*T h e M a r k !*" With a yank at the sleeve of his robe, the leader revealed the charred mark of a brand on his forearm, which depicted a crude likeness of the demons visage. The crowd of cultists did the same. "No, that looks stupid," said the prisoner. "Yeah what the *hell* guys?!" Jeff hissed indignantly, his anger causing his flaming horns to flare with greater intensity. "Is that supposed to be *me*? I'll have you know, my horns are *not* that comically small! And brands are overdone anyway... jeez, disciples this millennium are *so* unoriginal." "You can't be serious!" Now visibly angered, the cult leader's wide eyes darted about the crowd of hooded men and women, desperate for support. "This man has no say in the matter! He is a prisoner of the cult!" "*P r i s o n--*" "Oh shut *up*, will you?!" The leader shouted in exasperation. The demon let out a low, growling sigh. Pinching his eyes shut, he rested the tips of his claws on his furrowed brow in vexation. "Look guys, I run a tight ship here. All *you've* done so far is wake me up a few hundred years early to summon me here--for what? *One* measly sacrifice? But *this* guy," he pointed a long, tapered claw at the prisoner, "he's got initiative. I like that. I mean, you have no idea how many souls I need to devour before returning to my slumber! This guy delivers results, and that's exactly the kind of strength I need in a disciple. Not any of this '*Infernal Creed*' baloney. I mean, how long did it take you guys to set all this up? Honestly." "About three weeks or so," a voice called out from the back of the cultist gathering. "Maybe four," another chimed. "*ENOUGH!*" The leader shrieked, and gestured wildly at his following. "Take the lot of them then, I don't care! They're worthless to me. Just leave me to teach others of your power and glory, O mighty Jeff!" "Hey, that's not right!" One cultist objected, sparking a chorus of mumbling protest from the crowd. Jeff clicked his forked tongue scornfully, shaking his fiery head. "What a shame. Well, I can't be bothered to listen to your whining anymore, so I think it's about time you learned your lesson." With the snap of his finger, Jeff set the leader up in flames. Screams of agony echoed through the cave, soon morphing into a horrific, inhuman wail of torment. In a matter of seconds, the man was reduced to a sizzling pile of bone. A cheer erupted from the crowd in celebration of Jeff's demonstration of power. "Ah, you like that do you?" He grinned. "You're in luck, I've got plenty more where that came from!" Hoots of joy turned to howls of pain as the hooded figures burst into flames, running into each other and rolling on the damp cave floor to no avail, before swiftly disintegrating. Finally, the chaos subsided and Jeff let out a weary sigh. He ambled over to a puddle on the cave floor, only to notice his flaming horns. "Wha--? You're telling me these things have been on fire this *whole time*? And no one thought to let me know?" He swatted at his head, distinguishing the flames. "Ugh so *embarrassing*!" And with that, Jeff snapped his clawed fingers once more and evaporated into the darkness.