text: I’m in a ditch, lying in a crater of my own making. Glass mixed with leaves and bracken on the floor, the heavy weight of machinery crushing the soft, wet earth that always supported me so well. I’m scratched by gently-swaying branches; I always wondered what they felt like as they blurred past me on brighter days. An animal sits poised as it watches me, illuminated only by the last remaining bright thing, me. The world oscillates gently in the wind, but not me. I am still. A wheel sticks up at an angle, like I used to see cats do when they thought nothing was watching. The familiar weight that always pulls me downwards is somehow different; like I’m on a hill, but much worse. Rain spatters where there used to be windows, gently soaking into my seats where people should be. I like rain, but not like this; rain should be on the outside, and the inside should be dry. The inside should be safe. It’s quiet, at last. The fear, the lights, the panicked voices have all disappeared into the distance over the hill, on some other road to be swallowed up by the clouds. I never saw the corner coming, but I see it clearly now, even in my dim glow. I see the wet earth, the oh-so familiar texture that shook me and took me by surprise. Having navigated so many miles, what a strange thing to end on. I remember them now. I remember their faces, I know them so well. I remember Dad, so excited to bring me home to show Mum and Chloe what he bought for them. I was so excited to meet them, so excited for all the adventures we would have together. They all knew that Mum was heavier because she was carrying Sophie like I carried them, but I didn’t know that then. They never knew that I knew them, but I could feel them. I could feel their comforting weight, their warmth, their excitement to see the world with me. I love taking them places, I am so very lucky to be theirs. Dad takes care of me like I’m always brand new, and keeps me company on a Sunday afternoon. One day, Dad forgot to close the window in the car wash, and Chloe squealed in delight as the water flicked through the hole, soaking us all. I remember that day, I had wet seats that day too. But not like this. That water was warm, the lights were on, Dad was happy and laughing, even if a bit annoyed with himself. That was my favourite day, we all shared a joke together for the first time. Mum would say the most interesting things, especially when Dad wasn’t around. I would listen as we drove, she would tell stories to Chloe, and then sometimes to herself when she thought there was nobody else listening. I remember the time she cried on her own by the shops, and I cried with her. I kept her warm, until we turned around and I took her back to Dad and Chloe. Dad was sat on the driveway, and looked so relieved to see us back home. I was part of the family, and I knew I was so lucky. The rain is beating harder. Another car drives past, slowing to look at me before disappearing off into the night. I’m growing heavier, the light is fading. One of my lights is buried in the mud, the other sticking up awkwardly in a futile attempt to illuminate the clouds. Dad taught Chloe the word illuminate, I love illuminating. I never thought I’d get to illuminate clouds. Chloe is my favourite. Dad would take us to the drive through on Thursday nights while Mum was at work, and I’d keep them both warm as she told Dad about her day. Chloe loves Thursday nights with Dad, and so do I. Dad is such a good listener, and always tells Chloe he’s proud of her, and that as long as she does her best, everything would be okay. I remember the night Sophie arrived. I was so clean, packed and ready for my very important. Dad was so calm in the traffic on the way to the hospital, but Mum kept making noises until we pulled over. Very soon, I was carrying three people. They were busy, scared, relieved, but I knew they were grateful for me. I knew Mum had done something important in carrying Sophie around, and I knew I was important for carrying them around, too. I don’t understand why Sophie walking was such a big deal; they don’t need to walk, I’d take them anywhere in the world. But when she could, Dad brought us to the beach, and I watched the seagulls as they ate ice cream and Chloe made sandcastles with Sophie. A seagull pooed on me, and Chloe laughed and laughed, but I knew Dad would take care of it on Sunday afternoon, like he always does. We were a long way from home, so we huddled together for warmth when the clouds came and started our long journey back. The rain came as we drove; I don’t know why they’re always so worried about the rain. I can keep them safe from the rain. I was watching the branches, the corner came from nowhere, and the earth moved underneath me in a new, scary way. We all made noises we had never made before, the world spun until I landed in the crater of my own making, but I kept them safe. I took the force of the earth just like I’m supposed to do, and gave them the airbags that I know I can only use once. It was over very fast, and now it’s cold, and it’s quiet, but I know I did my best. We didn’t have chance to say goodbye, but I won’t forget them, and I don’t think they’ll forget me. I hope Chloe never forgets me. I’m so lucky to have seen such lovely things. The sun is rising, but my light is nearly out, and I’m nearly one with the earth. The animal disappears into the bushes. I love them. I kept them safe. I did my best, just like Dad said. Everything is okay.