text: It was a quiet drive. Sue and Dan hadn’t been arguing, but the tension between them was palpable. They were both wearing black, as was customary, and they weren’t listening to any music. Sue was lost in her memories. Dan was... pondering. He had something to say, but he really did not know how to say it. “What’s on your mind?” Sue cut through the silence. Dan was taken aback. “I don’t want to say...” “Just say it.” She was blunt. She meant it. “Ok. fine. Why am I going?” “Because I need you there.” Sue stated. “That’s why.” “But... it’s weird. I don’t know. I feel really uncomfortable and we’re not even there yet.” Dan was struggling to put it to words tastefully and tactfully. “I just... I need you to do this with me.” Sue softened a little. She was coming out of her thoughts and back to the present. It had been a long time ago, but the memories flooded back quickly enough. “Are you ok?” Dan asked. Sue looked out the window. “I’m fine. I’m still processing everything, i guess.” Dan flipped his turn signal. “Well, we’re here. Do you want to wait a minute? Maybe talk some more about things?” “No,” Sue took a deep breath. “We should just go in.” As they walked, Dan started to hang back. Sue noticed and reached back, taking his hand. He caught up to her and, when they reached the door, he let go and opened it for her. The funeral home had three rooms for viewings and a lounge. One room was empty, one room was set up for a viewing but the casket wasn’t there yet. The third room was where Steve’s viewing was being held. Dan looked longingly at the coffee pot in the lounge. It was empty. He started toward the lounge. “Where are you going?” Sue asked. “Do you want some coffee?” Dan asked meekly. “Dan, please. I need to do this, can you just be here for me?” Dan nodded and they entered the room. It was an open casket, and Dan’s eyes were immediately drawn to the face of this man he had never met. Steve. He heard stories. He knew a few things, but Sue didn’t talk about him much. They were together for a long time, Sue and Steve, but that was a long time ago. They hadn’t spoken in almost a decade. Sue just found out this morning about the viewing. About his passing. Apparently, he had been sick. He looked thin... at least his body did. She knew he had been sick, too, but she didn’t tell Dan. The big C. Dan didn’t ask what kind or how long before it took him. It wasn’t really a conversation this morning. Just tears. Confusion. Then, a resolute decision. Dan didn’t want to go, but Sue wouldn’t let up. Dan tried convincing her to go alone or to go with an old friend. She swore she didn’t keep up with any of the friends she and Steve shared. Sure enough, narrow eyes moved her way when they entered the room. There were a few people whispering and looking in their direction, but it was a packed house. Out of the crowd, a stately woman with a somber face approached. “Hi Mrs. Diane.” Sue said to the mother of the deceased. “I am so sorry.” Steve’s mother smiled warmly and hugged Sue. “Thank you for coming. It does mean a lot.” Dan realized he had been staring blankly at the casket. He was avoiding eye contact with Steve’s mother, but he slipped and they locked eyes. “Dan, is it?” She asked. “It is.” Dan was surprised. “I’m very sorry for your loss.” “Thank you. I can’t remember, did you ever meet Steve?” Mrs. Diane asked genuinely. “I did not, but I was familiar with his work and Sue told me a few stories.” Dan admitted. “Pity. He was a wonderful soul.” Steve’s mom looked down, then glanced over her shoulder at the casket. “If you’ll excuse me...” “Of course.” Sue reached out and squeezed Mrs. Diane’s arm before letting her go back to her motherly duties. Dan looked around and was met with some sharp stares. His intuition had been on point. He wasn’t really welcome here. Sue started to move about the space, looking for a place to sit. Dan followed doggedly, head low, eyes on her heels. The sea of people, of family and friends, seemed to part ways around them and close in again. Did everyone know who they were? Was he imagining it? His eyes were drawn back to the casket, but his gaze was caught by the photo next to it. He recognized that face. Before the illness. He’d seen it before. Handsome. Hard to look at. Hard for Dan, at least. Sue found two chairs along the wall and they sat. A few old friends that Dan had met before came out of the woodworks to embrace Sue. Dan sat and tried not to take in the room. He caught a glimpse in the corner of a collage of photographs. When Sue had finished catching up with the few friends who cared to talk to her, Dan pointed out the collage. “If you wanted to go look at it, would you mind if I went to the lounge?” Dan sheepishly asked. Sue was distracted. “That’s fine, yeah.” Dan had never been so relieved in his life. An instant later, he realized he had to walk through the room alone to get back out to the lounge. Terror filled him. He braced himself for the worst. Nothing happened, though. Everyone was content to ignore the intruder. There was a man about Dan’s age brewing the coffee when Dan got into the lounge. Dan perused the vending machine and tried his best to be invisible. “You doing alright?” The man asked. “What’s that?” Dan replied. “Are you doing alright? You look... scared. Don’t like funerals?” The coffee finished and the man poured himself a cup. “Oh, uh. I guess, yeah. Does anyone like funerals?” Dan studied the stranger and tried to place if he had seen him before. Nothing came to mind. “Coffee?” the man offered Dan the pot. “Yes, please.” “You sure? Caffeine can increase anxiety and you’re practically shaking.” The man poured him a cup as he spoke. “I’m Robby. I’m a cousin. That’s why you don’t know me. I know you though.” “You do?” Dan croaked. “Yeah, you’re Dan. You’re with Sue.” Robby spoke softly and plainly. Non Confrontational. Dan sipped the coffee that was still too hot and cringed. “I feel... like I shouldn’t be here.” “Dan.” Robby moved closer and placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “No one gives a flying fuck about you right now. Just stick with Sue like you’re supposed to. There’s a whole lot of sad people here today, and you’re not one of them. You’re just Sue’s shadow.” Dan nodded. “Yeah, got it. Thanks.” Dan was grateful for the advice. He made his way back to Sue, who was still at the collage. She was holding back tears as her eyes fixated on a picture of she and Steve. It was down near the bottom of the collage, it was poorly lit, and they looked utterly ecstatic together. They made a beautiful couple. Young. Innocent. “That was our christmas card photo.” Sue choked out. A voice came from behind. “Yeah, Grandma still had a copy that we found when we cleaned out her house.” Dan and Sue turned to see a face that resembled the handsome photo, but not the one in the casket. This was Steve’s eldest brother, Paul. There was no doubt. “Thanks for coming, Sue.” Paul embraced her, and he extended a hand to Dan. “Paul. You’re Dan, yes?” “Yessir,” Dan shook his hand then returned to being invisible. Sue and Paul looked at the collage together as he filled her in on the last years of Steve’s life. Dan lost himself staring at the photo of his wife and the man that she almost married before they ever met. There was something dwelling within him. An old flame was growing. Green with jealousy. He felt like such a fool. He was jealous of Steve for dying, for being immortalized. Dan never wanted to lose Sue. He knew that Steve’s life wasn’t easy after the two parted ways. Now and then, there would be an update from an old, estranged friend or even an article about his work and the life he was leading. His fame dwindled. His health dwindled. His life got smaller and smaller. There was a lot of attention when he was originally diagnosed, but that went away when people realized he probably wasn’t going to pull through. Who wants a sad story? Dan pulled himself out of his pondering and, relieved, realized he was still a fly on the wall. Paul hugged Sue again and walked away. Sue was wiping away tears when she turned to Dan. “We can go soon... I just. I don’t know if I want to go up to the casket.” “Ok.” Dan had never felt so out of place in Sue’s life before. “I haven’t... looked at it. Does it even look like him?” Dan didn’t know what to say. It didn’t. It didn’t look like him at all. It looked nothing like the photo next to the casket, and even further from the Christmas photo with Sue. It... he... Steve was gone. That was a body. A frail form. There wasn’t life or a soul or anything that resembled whatever Sue loved. That’s what Dan thought. “I think it would be better if you didn’t.” Dan softly spoke. Sue’s chin quivered and her eyes filled with more tears. “Ok.” she choked out. “Let’s go.” They turned and made their way to the door. No one tried to stop them. No one noticed them. Robby had been right. They didn’t matter. All that mattered to every single person there was their moments with Steve. Their memories. That was all they had now. They didn’t have time for Sue and they couldn't care less about Dan. When they got in the car, Sue broke completely. She sobbed bitterly as Dan sat, ready and waiting to comfort or drive, whichever she signaled was best. “Home.” was all Sue was able to get out and Dan sprang into action. He pulled the car out of the parking lot and drove them back to their life together. Away from this moment. Away from the memories. Away from all that had passed.