text: Once upon a time, there was a young man named Henry that once lived inside of a balloon. It all started when Henry worked in a balloon factory. His job was to blow balloons. Blow balloons? That’s an easy job. What could go wrong? All sorts of crap. There was one balloon that he inflated. It kept growing and growing and growing. The balloon had infinite expansion. His lungs were oh so tired so he took a break. When he sat down, he accidentally let go of the balloon and the balloon began sucking everything in sight. Sucking? Aren’t balloons supposed to make fart-like noises and flop around the place as it deflates? Not this balloon. This balloon doesn’t deflate. It self-inflates as long as the balloon opening stays open. Henry didn’t know about this and the balloon sucked him in. The good news was the balloon didn’t engulf his entire body. The bad news was half of his body was trapped in the balloon opening. So everywhere he went, he had to carry around the ballon. People that knew henry never saw his face. You could hear him talk but barely. You had to put your ear onto the balloon to hear him. Walking around with a giant balloon wasn’t easy. Bathing was a challenge. His balloon couldn’t fit the bathroom so he had to hose himself outside. He couldn’t drive, so he had to fly to his destinations. While in the air, he feared the birds flying by might pop his balloon and he would fall to his death. Well, the balloon was unpoppable. He tried to find help. He tried to get himself out of the balloon but no matter what, no one or nothing could get him out. He tried scissors, nails, knives, and even rocket fuel. Nothing could pop that balloon. He tried vacuuming the balloon off his body but the vacuum broke. One day, while attempting to enter his home for three hours (the balloon was too large to fit through any doorway), a bunch of acorns fell on him. He looked up and the giant oak tree next to his house was flooded with squirrels. They all looked at him and threw their acorns at him. Henry felt attacked so he threw the acorns back at them. One squirrel leaped off the tree and landed on his balloon. The balloon popped. After living inside that balloon for seven years and trying to find every little sharp, dangerous and pointy object to pop that balloon, a little 4oz squirrel did the job. When the balloon popped, it rattled the earth. All the squirrels that bullied him outside his home ran. Everyone in town hid inside their nuclear war bunkers. Citizens from every town and city in the world evacuated to who knows where. There was mass hysteria. What was that sound? Is the world ending? Is there a volcano? It sounded like a thousand volcanoes erupting. People from the northern parts of Longyearbyen, Svalbard to the southern parts of Ushuaia, Argentina could see, feel, and hear the balloon’s pop. No one knew it was a balloon. While the balloon’s pop echoed around the world causing nothing but chaos, Henry felt relieved to be balloon-free. He went into his home and shut all the blinds and the curtains. He lit a few candles, grabbed some cookies, drank some tea, and read his favorite book. He went on about his day as if nothing happened. End.