text: 7 A.M December 21st, 2010. Time 7:00 am I wake up with you in my arms and lay there silently as you dream the peaceful dreams that matched the calm state of your face. The way the sun shines on your skin and makes you almost as bright as the winters first snow. I breathe slowly, not to disrupt your sweet dreams. I love you. December 22nd, 2010 Time 7:00 am You stir to my fingers brushing your hair, softly, just like one would through a child's. You open your beautiful green eyes to start the beginning of your new adventure. Our fingers interlocked, the spaces filled perfectly. I couldn't ask for a better feeling. I love you. December 23rd, 2010 Time 7:00 am The scent of warm hot chocolate fills the room. Your favorite. A smile spreads across your face, the smile that tells me you feel what I feel. Breakfast in bed was my early gift to you. A gift I could give you for the rest of our lives. I love you. December 24th, 2010 Time 7:00 am The excitement of our first Christmas together excites you. I hold you close, feeling the warmth and comfort of your body against mine. A small kiss makes everything perfect. You make me feel complete. I love you. December 25th, 2010 Time 7:00 am You wake me up with a warm kiss on the lips. Merry Christmas my love, our very first holiday together. You're as excited as a child. That makes me smile. I give you your gift, it's small, but I know you'll love it. You open it and immediately know the answer. I love you. December 26th, 2010 Time 7:00 am The ring sits perfectly on your finger. I stroke the top of your hand and kiss your shoulder. You have to work soon but I don't want to wake you from your slumber. I don't want you to leave. I never do. I love you. December 27th, 2010 Time 7:00 am You're restlessly tossing and turning. I do my best to keep the blankets over you. I lean over and put my arm across you and place my body against yours. You settle. I worry. I love you. December 28th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I wake up to the sound of you softly crying. The tears roll off your cheek, I pull you into me and you rest your head on my chest and quietly sob. The darkness has engulfed you again. I won't let it hurt you anymore. I love you. December 29th, 2010 Time 7:00 am You're awake before me. Staring at the ceiling, caressing my hand softly. I kiss your cheek softly and you give me a warm smile. I see the pain in your eyes. It shatters my soul with every second I look at you. You have to leave for work soon. I want you to stay with me. I love you. December 30th, 2010 Time 7:00 am Your breath on my neck wakes me up. You look like you've been crying for hours. I hold you close and listen to your soft rhythmic breathing fill my ears. I'm afraid. I love you December 31st, 2010 Time 7:00 am New Years Eve, you tell me that you don't want to get out of bed today. The darkness is getting worse. You take your medication and lay back in bed. I bring you tea and some scrambled eggs, just the way you like them. You only eat half then stare blankly at the television. I take your plate to the kitchen and wash it. When I come back in to the bedroom you're playing with your ring. You tell me that you love me and that you're gonna be okay. I know better. I love you. January 1st, 2010 Time 7:00 am You've become pale, the dark circles under your eyes tell me that you are awake when I'm sleeping. You're eyes are bloodshot from all the crying. It kills me to see you in pain. I love you. January 2nd, 2010 Time 7:00 am No smile. You look at me and I know that you're fighting it. The darkness is stronger this time. I'll get you help, I promise. I love you. January 3rd, 2010 Time 7:00 am You take the new dosage doctor gave you. You've lost interest in everything. Your kisses are soft but have a chill to them. The warmth is gone. The sun in your soul is surrounded by a darkness that is darker than the midnight sky. I hope this dosage helps. I love you. January 4th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I try to wake you up but you don't stir. The room is silent. The pain in my chest is excruciating. I shake you and your pill bottles hit the floor. I fall to the floor. There is nothing I can do but cry. I dial 9-1-1 but I can't speak, I cry so hard that I lose my breath with every sob. The sobs are loud. The ambulance gets here and they put you on a stretcher. I follow holding your hand tightly. It's so cold. D.O.A. I love you.. January 5th, 2010 Time 7:00 am The bed feels empty with you gone. I cried all night. The tears are stained on my pillow case. Your scent fills my nose and I cry. I could have saved you. I'm empty without you. I read the note I found yesterday over and over. I'm so sorry baby. I can't take it anymore. I love you so much and I will always be with you. My sobs grow more intense. I miss you.. I love you.. January 6th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I had a dream about you. You looked so happy, so free. You're wings matched your brightness. Seeing your smile made me feel good that you are no longer in pain. I love you.. January 7th, 2010 Time 7:00 am Your funeral is today. I cry as I think of how you are no longer with me. It tears me apart. I feel like part of me has been crushed by a steam roller. I made my side of the bed and got dressed. I love you.. January 8th, 2010 Time 7:00 am Yesterday was hard. Seeing you lay almost as peaceful as you did when you slept broke my heart even more. You had an aura of serenity around you. Your skin glowed like it did when the sun hit you just right. I miss you so much. I love you.. January 9th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I made your favorite hot chocolate and scrambled eggs. I'm coming to visit your grave for breakfast. Even though you aren't here, I will still bring you your favorite things to wake up to. Even though I know you won't be waking up this time. I love you.. January 10th,2010 Time 7:00 am I stayed at your grave for three hours. I poured the hot chocolate on the soil above you and dug a small hole to bury the eggs in. I hope you enjoyed them like you always did when you were still here. I cried when I got home, I hurt so bad. I miss you more than anything.. I love you.. January 11th, 2010 Time 7:00 am Happy 2nd anniversary my love. I miss you. I love you. January 12th, 2010 Time 7:00 am It's getting too hard to sleep in our bed. I slept on the couch in the living room last night with one of your t-shirts. It smelled just like your favorite perfume from the mall. I held it just like I would have held you. I love you.. January 13th, 2010 Time 7:00 am Your mother called me to make sure I was okay. She's so hurt. The pain in her voice was so much to bear. We miss and love you.. January 14th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I'm going crazy without you.. I miss you.. I love you.. January 15th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I visited your grave again yesterday. I hope you liked the flowers. They were the kind I got you on your birthday in August. Remember how happy you were? I love you.. January 16th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I can't stand being without you anymore.. I love you.. January 17th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I visited you yesterday. I just laid by your head stone and imagined that it was our bed and that you were actually in it. Our nice warm bed, with your warm smooth body laying right by mine. It was a nice thing to think about. I love you.. January 18th, 2010 Time 7:00 am I'm scared, but I can't take this pain anymore. I don't know about anything anymore. All I know is that I need you. I can't live with out you. There's a loud snap that fills my ears then a bright light. I see you approaching me, you look as beautiful as ever. Our fingers interlock and you kiss me. I feel no pain, no heartbreak. Just the love that I've felt since I fell in love with you. I'm home now and I'm happy. I love you.