text: Have you ever had a brain failure? I mean like your brain making you say or do things that later on, you realize that you do not know who was using your brain! Well this beautiful blonde knocked on my door and as soon as I opened, she fell into my arms sobbing. I cried with her on my shoulder, not knowing what was happening. When the awkward long hung finished, looked her in the eyes trying to say something, then I realized that her face was familiar. She was the “perfect blonde” who hangs out with the body builder next door. Confused as I was, I offered her to come have a sit and hopefully I would make sense of the situation but then she all over sudden gave me a weird look and let go off my hands and stormed out slamming my door. I stayed there frozen. I kind of need a hug, I guess. It had been several weeks since I left the house, I had been surviving on tears and snots plus bags of chips. My initial idea was to add chocolates on the menu, but being my favourite snack, I didn’t want to corrupt my relationship with the beautiful happy moments companion. For a moment I seemed to forget the reason for my misery, I don’t know if it was because of the unexpected hug or because on my way to the door I looked myself in the mirror and didn’t seem to recognize myself; then it clicked. Few weeks back, I was at my work place when our washrooms broke. I live in a small town with one mall and I worked in a grocery store in the mall. One pipe trouble in town means that all washrooms are out of order. you have to hold your bladder and/or intestines, or seek cover in the bushes near by for that amazing sense of freedom. I was a new resident in town, thus a new employee, I had no friends and knowing myself, it would take really long to make friends. My boyfriend Tim was my only friend around. I couldn’t think of a nearby place where I could seek cover to relieve myself if need be. But I was not worried, I was going to be okay, I had trained my bladder to hold on long. Oh how I was wrong! I worked without a care in the world, chasing from my mind any idea that my bladder is trying to communicate. My shift was slowly getting to the end, I had to rinse some veggies in cold water before I finished. I got the produce out, placed them in the sink, but when I opened the water tap, it felt like my urine carrying vessel was laughing at me waiting to see if I pass the water test. As soon as I touched the cold water, it was like my bladder was being squished. I wanted to pee so bad that turned around, crossed my legs and avoided breathing loud. I made dance moves I never thought I would ever be able to do. I could imagine co-workers calling each other to come and enjoy the show in the computer room from the cameras. The new shy girl was putting on a show! After realizing that there was no way I was going to rinse the veggies without touching the water, or touch the water without opening the flood gates in me, I rushed outside. I was ready to do anything, even if it meant squirting in the middle of the parking lot, besides it was really dark outside, but then, it was thirty degrees below freezing. The idea of having frozen genitals experience pushed me towards my car and I left without letting any body know and that’s how I lost my job. But that was not why I was miserable. I drove home, god knows how fast, I climbed the stairs one by one as if a clock was ticking last seconds to the blast, my key was ready in my hand to open the door, but to my surprise the door pushed open. Even better. I glanced around and noticed Tim sitting on the couch. I avoided opening my mouth, careful not to let anything out of my pants, I got to the washroom door, pushed it but it was not moving. I didn’t waste any time, I rushed outside to the neighbour’s room, knocked and the door pushed open. Someone was in the way, I pushed passed him and proceeded to the washroom. I didn’t need directions, I was pretty sure all apartments in the building were of the same design. Fewf... finally, if you know the feeling, you know. On my half way through gaining back my freedom to breath, I remembered the scenario, Tim home during his working hours and the washroom locked! There must be someone in there! I hurried up and rushed out to go catch them red handed. Except the guy I pushed on my way to the washroom was still laying down on the flow. Shamefully, I extended my hand to help him up. And that’s when I realized I don’t have control over my brain. The guy was a massive gym maid human being, how in the earth did I think that my small hand would lift his well built body? As you can imagine, I fell face down on top of his half naked body. Again, my brain left me! I didn’t know if I was supposed to admire audibly what was layered under my face, because I wanted to, or keep moving to my mission to burst Tim’s affair. My thoughts were interrupted with the sound of a familiar voice. “I knew it!” Said Tim who was standing right above us. “What did he know?” I asked as I rushed up. Tim was in the room packing up. He was living me! I loved Tim, he is a great caring guy that I met many years ago, we tried to separate before but every time we would end up together again. It was like we had a pact that none of us would be truly happy without the other. I had pushed Tim away before but this time, it felt different. I had teased his looks compared to The gut next door. I even encouraged him to hit the gym too every time we would cross ways with the guy and the blonde coming back from working out. Tim had complained that I was not happy with the way he looked but all our conversations around that subject were jokes. We both knew that we couldn’t give up the joy we get from sharing a pizza or chocolates. Except he was the one who put on all the weight. My body is the kind of “it’s not fair body”. But still I found him attractive all the time. He was going to come back I believed. While I was still thinking about what just happened, I heard a knock on the door. I knew it, Tim was back... “Well.. that was a short break-up” I said as the door was pushing open. “Sorry, but... is everything okay?” It was not Tim but the guy. “No, no I am sorry for breaking into your house..” “I saw your....” He said pointing out. “ my boyfriend...” “Yeah, your boyfriend leaving, are you okay?...” “ Yeah I am okay, I am sure he is coming back... it’s just a big misunderstanding” I wanted this guy to get out of my face, but I also needed someone to help me make sense of the situation, to kind of shake my brain back into the position. I was trying to breath in and out and he noticed and helped me with the breathing exercise, kind of motioning my lungs activities with his hands. “I will leave you alone for now, but if you need anything you know every conner of my place.” When he opened the door to leave, there was Tim and his bags.