text: Scrolling past each and every post on his feed, growing weary of all that was on screen, he couldn't stop. They kept on going like a ladder into a bottomless grave, every post joining to form one foolproof, easy-to-climb-down ladder. His thumb felt like it were completely out of his control. It was in perpetual motion, addicted to the ecstasy of swiping up, like a little nose sniffing a glass screen. Being in Marketing, it was part of his job, he reassured himself. He continued to gaze at the screen with his dark droopy eyes, staring at the lives of the happy cheerful people living their life to the fullest, on screen, going places and finding success, or at the very least, a very antiquated version of it. It seemed as though the world was on a collective upward mobility streak and he was late to the party. He knew that there was more for him to do, he knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it, but, what eluded him was why he just could not find it in him to get up and do it. Something was keeping him from taking that first step. The search for that obstacle took him to some very dark places, places filled with obstacles of different shapes and sizes, no solutions. He spent half a day thinking about different ways to get to his goal, and the rest thinking about all the obstacles that he may or may not have to overcome as part of pursuing the well-thought-out plan. At the end of the day, his tired mind would come to the conclusion that the pain is much greater than the reward and spends whatever is left of the day, week or year recouping from the mental toll of figuring out his life. This goes on till that nagging feeling of failure overtakes the pleasures his glass-sniffing thumb brings. Life, he thought, is a circle with a set diameter, and he runs around that circle like a helpless hamster, witnessing everything around him, convincing himself to run faster to ‘watch more of the world, to come up with an idea for himself one of these days but, not today, it’s too late today’. “Why not today? This is why I never do anything. I should do something, today! “ “The only question is what? if I can answer that I am golden, I will work towards it no matter what.” “But First, I need some fresh air and a coffee.” He did not wait to discuss, with himself, whether to go out or not, because he knew that he would end up on the couch with his thoughts taking a dark turn. That was the motivation he needed to get out of the couch and out of his stuffy room. He walked to his favourite bench in the park next to his house. It was empty as usual, and that was a relief. He was not in the mood to start a conversation. He usually enjoyed it, but this was not the time. He just wanted to be with himself. He sat down and his mind was empty. Nothing. For some reason, he could not think of anything to think about. He was overwhelmed and felt strange. His vision started to tunnel, everyone in the park started to disappear. He realized that the doughnuts which he was surviving on for the last two days were probably not enough. He could not even move his eyes from the tree that he locked on to to avoid the couple who were about to enter his line of sight. They too disappeared in a few seconds, he felt a bit terrified, not enough to keep his curiosity at bay. When he finally turned to see if he was hallucinating he realized that all the people had been replaced with himself from different phases of his life. He saw himself on his first bike, just after he fell down and bruised his knees, himself when he was in school just after he was pinned down to a desk and got some disgustingly poignant water poured all over him, him just after he was dumped by the love of his life, it felt surreal. He slowly turned to the right to see Stan Rogers, the last artist he listened to, give him a nod and started singing *“It's a damn tough life full of toil and strife”* He turned around to see more of himself. The closer he looked at the apparitions he realized something, it was neither the first nor the last time that any of those things happened to him. He could feel the sun and the wind like they were there just for him, he felt like he owned that moment. He felt like he was in control, he felt like he was in ‘his’ world. It felt strangely familiar.