text: I wake from a deep and restful sleep, slowly stretching as I stifle a yawn. The sunlight streams in through the gap in my curtains. I carefully roll over and lift myself onto my side to pull them closed, but as I reach for the curtain I slip. I feel the pain before I even fall, trying to twist and evade the mess of claws and teeth that is Snowball the Destroyer. She hisses and yowls as she digs into the soft skin of my abdomen. Damn, I think as I blink away what little sleep was left in my eyes. I need to start wearing hockey pads to bed. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bother you, your highness". Snowball glares at me, unimpressed. I swear she rolled her eyes. I get up from the bed to grab some antiseptic and bandages. Snowball slinks along after me, and once we arrive in the bathroom she proceeds to hack up a hairball. "You know, you probably wouldn't hack up so many of those if you weren't a flesh-eating beast!" I shout as she scurries back to bed. I open the medicine cabinet and pop a couple Benadryl as I search for the first aid kit. After I get cleaned up, I head back to my room to clean up the mess and make my bed. You would think that I'd have learned to stop buying white sheets by now. I sigh as I strip the bed, silently praying that the bleach removes the blood. It's a wonder that Snowball stays so pristinely white despite feasting on my flesh every other day. After tossing the sheets into the wash, I check the clock and briefly panic before I realize that today is my day off. I head into the kitchen and to make a pot of coffee and some toast. As I walk into the kitchen, I catch a whiff of a familiar scent before I see the accompanying smoke. I calmly grab the fire extinguisher as I push open the door. "Damn it Snowball! How the hell do you even manage this??" I ask, as is the tradition. After I've extinguished the blaze, I unplug the toaster for good measure. I let it cool off for a minute before tipping it upside down into the trash bin specifically for toasty toy mice. Snowball's most recently acquired habit is putting one of her mice in the toaster if I don't feed her soon enough. I swear, that cat is going to be the death of me. She legitimately looks disappointed that she didn't burn the house down. I clean up the mess in the kitchen and decide that I'm energized enough without coffee. I decide to go to my desk and try to get some shit done. I pull out my chair, sit down, and open up my laptop. Before I can even hit the power button, Snowball is on the keyboard, swatting my hands away from the computer. Not wanting to lose a finger, I pull out my chair and take a step towards the other computer. Snowball takes the bait and races me to it, climbing atop the second keyboard. I quickly shut the door behind her and return to my desk. Finally, some peace and quiet. I get logged on and launch Chrome. As I log into Reddit I hear a loud crash, followed by the door behind me swinging open. Snowball pushed the decoy computer off of the desk and used it to reach the knob. I get up to check for damages; thankfully, the computer was already broken. No mess to clean up this time. I turn to get back to business, only to see Snowball smirking at me from my keyboard. "Fuck it. The apartment is yours. I'm out", I say as I grab my keys and march out the front door. I swear she cackled at that. As I make my way outside I pull out my phone and text my best friend. She's going to meet me for breakfast at the café near my building. I head inside before even receiving a response and snag us our favorite table, the one in the corner. It has a great location for people watching, but it's also secluded enough that we can have meaningful conversation. "Two black coffees, please," I say to the waiter as I hang my jacket on my chair. He gives me a pitying look, but brings both nonetheless. My friend eventually arrives and we spend the better part of two hours catching up and sipping coffee. I fill her in on all of Snowball's shenanigans from the morning and she, again, asks why I don't just get rid of the damn cat. She hasn't been over to visit in the two months since I've taken Snow in. "You know I can't do that. She's all that I have," I tell her, with an exaggerated pout. She rolls her eyes at me, unconvinced. She argues that Snowball has done more harm than good since I've adopted her, but I tell her that the pros just outweigh the cons on this one. She scoffs at me, a familiar sound. She doesn't believe that anything can outweigh frequent morning mauling and occasional kitchen fires. I tell her that she would understand if she just came over and met Snowball, but she just gives me a sad, disappointed look. She tries to explain to me all of the reasons that she can't do that, but I brush her off. I've just gotten over my mess of a morning and I don't need my coffee buzz to be killed right now. My best friend gives me a sad smirk as we go our separate ways. It's noon when I head back home. I decide to take the long way around today. I decide that I'm finally ready to face the truth. I stop by the florist before the cemetery and purchase a single white rose. I silently walk past tombstone after tombstone until I get to hers. It's been three months since the day I lost my best friend. The reason that I can't get rid of Snowball? I've been so deep in depression and denial that I haven't wanted to get out of bed, but Snow always makes sure the open the curtains. She makes certain I get out of bed and that I don't do anything stupid by following me to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure her attempts to burn down the kitchen are really attempts to make me breakfast. She only sits on my keyboard when I'm slacking off, never when I'm working. I believe that deep down, somewhere, my best friend is still with me, watching over me and keeping me going. So thank you, Snowball. Thank you for being my best friend.