text: Always be thinking. Always have something on your mind. Think about the random ad you saw on the street, the last time you ate a kiwi, or even what getting in a bar fight would be like. Your thoughts should be also huge and overwhelming at times. Think about [ ], and wish you could spend more time with her. Think about how your father is starting to cry more now that he’s been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Your mom will ask you for help with him. Wonder if your friend [ ] will kill himself. Always be willing to share these thoughts with others; they will come to expect conversation from you, and it will define you as opinionated. Almost always be open to conversation. At first resent your emotional side and tell yourself you are a masculine, stoic, intellectual-athletic machine. Think of picturesque male roman statues and personify them. Grow egotistical and neglect your social intelligence. Get much less out of high school than you could’ve. Don’t go to prom, or a single football game. Cut your long hair. Slowly outgrow most of your angst. Kurt Cobain could pull it off; you can’t. Go to college and meet people you had no idea could exist. Unconsciously begin redefining yourself. Your neurotic inability to stop yourself from thinking will help you ask questions in your classes. Participate in the classes you care about. Quickly become comfortable with speaking in public, and participating in class. People will notice this about you. Try marijuana for the first time the day of your high school graduation. Come-too on a stranger's carpet eating Kraft cheese singles and white grapes. Your track-buddy who throws discus is playing Call of Duty with the kids who you used to play tag with, back in 2nd grade. Learn to cherish bizarre experiences. Drive yourself home. Feign exhaustion and go right to bed to avoid talking to your parents. Later realize that wasn't marijuana. Vow to never smoke synthetics again. Start going to the gym religiously. Impress your older brother with your dedication, instead of playing online with him late into the night. Develop a deep seated appreciation and respect for self-discipline. Egotistically admire your progress, but never abandon the insecurities surrounding your body. Start seeing results. Convince your friends to come to the gym with you. Start seeing their results. Notice that girls are starting to find you attractive. Realize that women found you attractive even before you started going to the gym. Act on their advances, clumsily, but successfully. Sleep in 4 different beds over the course of a week during your freshmen year. Become a better kisser. Start flirting with a lot more girls. Mature a little bit and embrace your emotional side. Open up to people too quickly. Get hurt in your relationships. Dramatically (but no less painfully) suffer the loss of your first love for well over a year, until your new RA gives you a blowjob. You’ll fall for her too, and she’ll hurt you like [ ] did, but you’ll be better equipped to handle it. Regret burning bridges with her, but never rebuild them because of an indescribable combination of shame and pride. Hope you’ll unexpectedly run into her somewhere in the future, and hope she’ll want to reconnect with you. Innocently enjoy your escapades, blissfully ignorant of the beautiful girl who you have the most intimate and powerful conversations with. Figuratively kick yourself when she asks you why you didn’t kiss her freshmen year. You'll be 6 weeks from graduation when you realize it's too late. Mature a little more and tone your emotional side down. Start to put some weight and meaning in the word “friend.” Connect only with people who you respect and who respect you, but try to learn something from everyone. Play cards with your close friends and try to read their facial expressions. wonder if you look like your father when he played poker. Drunkenly reminisce about things that happened as early as last week, and realize that these will be the moments you miss when you graduate. Listen to a variety of albums while playing cards, and develop a deeper appreciation for music. Try to teach your other friends how to play cards, and wish they could get into it as much as you do. Allow your roommate to convince you to drop acid. Visit seagull island. Ruin your favorite pair of jeans. Laugh so hard you can't stand up, and appreciate the fact that someone was sober enough to take pictures. Spend the rest of the night irresponsibly, but amongst friends. Question labels and assumptions people make about you. Question the labels people make about the world around them. Ask really meaningful questions in your philosophy, aesthetics, and English classes. Form meaningful relationships with your professors. Renounce your Catholicism. This will inevitably upset your mother, but she’ll understand. Ask Mom whether she prays for you, and wish you had the heart to tell her to stop. Change your major and spend a lot more time in business classes. Coast through college averaging B's. Get an internship and dwell on how strange and different it is than the rest of your life. Realize you need a job after graduation. Start applying for jobs. Update your resume. Start networking with professors. Be immensely grateful of the job listings they forward you, and the professional connections they help you make. Wonder if you’ll get an offer before graduation. Wonder how much time you’ll spend living with your parents after graduation. Take stock of virtually your entire college career during your creative writing class. Get carried away with the assignment. Wonder what you’d think about re-reading this document ten years from now.