Visiting my grandparents each summer was a tradition I hold dearly. I and my dad would go to a quiet town in the countryside. Surrounded by forest and mountain and with an abundance of wildlife. But this summer I had had college break in autumn and so I decided to visit my grandparent alone, thinking it would be a wonderful experience. For the most part, we would go in my father's vehicle but since I was distant from everyone else, I needed to take the transport. The transport drops me on the stop. It was 20 to 30-minute walk. Along the pathway the breeze was new, the side was loaded up with dead leaves. However, as I drew near to the town, the air got damper and an irregular smell began coming. I was certain that this was the smell of rotting flesh. I had experienced it before while on a hunting trip with my father. Then my eye caught something on the ground in front of me. Something surrounded by files and the cause of the smell or so I thought. Looking closely at it, I could make out the hide and the paw. It was a bear's hand. How could it get right here and what could have slashed a bear's hand off? It couldn't be a hunter or any animal. I turned to look were the paw came from. there was a blood trail going inside the wood. I snapped an image of the paw and pursue the trail. Hardly any means in and simply behind the tree when I face it. The decaying smell hit me hard in the face and the rest of the bear. The bear's body was mutilated to the point that at first look you couldn't perceive that it was a bear. Its body was gravely beaten, scratched and torn, with what appeared as exposed hands. I ran out of there as fast as I could because I was not going to wait and see what did that to a bear, but before leaving I took its picture for reference. Soon I reached the town and it was not how I remembered it. As if it was taken by the great depression. The streets were mostly deserted, just a few people going about. While heading towards my grandparent's house I passed the place most familiar to me. It was a playground, I had many good memories. My grandparents lived at a farm surrounded by forest. Gladly they were as I remembered. **..........................** After I got settled in, we had dinner. While eating, I asked my grandfather about the condition of the town. My grandfather told me that something showed up a few months back and that something has been killing wildlife, they even hired a hunter to kill it but... then they disappeared without a trace. I tried to keep my composure, forcing myself to keep quiet about the bear that I saw. At last, my grandfather told about the rotting smell coming from the mountain, which was close to our town. The night while laying on my bed, I contemplated this. What would be a good idea for me to do? I realized that it will be perilous to discover what killed that bear... yet, at the back of my head, I was going to explode with excitement. The curiosity took over my head and in the end, I deiced to have an adventure. **..........................** Tomorrow I waited until my grandparents went to work. Then I went to the garage for my bicycle. While heading out I caught my grandmother's eye, I told her that I was going for a ride around the town. It took me some time but I reached the forest path. As I came close to the foot of the mountain, the smell started to change. The similar rotting smell flooded in my nostrils. Riding around I spotted a cave. I parked my cycle at the end of the clime. I carefully made my way up the Stoney Hill. With each progression, the smell became more grounded and soon I achieved the mouth of the cave. What saw made my stomach turn. There was an enormous heap of the creature remains in the middle, flies swarming the heap. As I drew near, holding my nose. I investigated the heap and discovered human stays in the blended. That made me hop and I felled back on the ground. I endeavored to hold my self together. my eyes went around the room and saw a heap of arbitrary things dissipated toward the edge of the cave. There was a chasing rifle, blade, few bits of material and a pile of animals part. in the pile, an unusual pendant caught my eye. I grabbed the pendant. The pendant itself extremely old, I could tell that by its blurring shading. Suddenly the sound of a pair of clanking hoofs came, coming closer to the cave. I reacted quickly putting the pendant inside my pocket, grabbing one of the hunting refile and ran behind the rotting pile. Soon the thing making that sound entered the cave. I held my breath, trying my best not revel I was here. The thing ceased as though it detected my essence. It began sniffing, coming nearer to the heap. There was no chance it could tell I was a direct result of the decaying smell I pondered internally. it approached the heap in the corner. It came close to the pile in the corner. Throwing things aside, trying to find something. I tried sneaking way around the other side of the pile of rotting carcasses. Just as I reached the corner of the pile. the creature was busy looking for something. I took that chance and popped head from the edge of the pile, to take a look at the creature. but just then the worst possible thing happened... my phone ranged. Quickly grabbing the creature's attention. That is when I had a good look at the thing that killed that bear. I would describe the creature or the monster as a collage of animal parts, stitched on a human being and standing at what seemed close to 7 feet. it had horse's legs replacing its, elephant's skin on his back, his arms replaced by gorilla's arms with the addition of overgrown claws and head of a loin head stitched around his head. The body itself was early strong. The animal immediately pivoted and jumped towards me. I had some involvement with rifles, I indiscriminately went for it and pulled the trigger as my life relied upon it. The projectile arrived on its shoulder, making the animal miss. Just hitting my cap off. That thing thundered in torment. I didn't squander whenever I tossed the weapon on him and kept running as quick I could. Running down the slope, I rapidly jumped on my bike. Paddling as quick as feasible for me. I didn't have an inkling if the animal was running behind me, however, I didn't have room schedule-wise to think back and check whether it was returning or not. **..........................** I arrived at the farm, dropped my bicycle outside and ran in. I was breathing heavily and tried to claim myself. I went to my room and laid on my bed, trying to organize thoughts. what the fuck did I just saw? After a few minutes, I reached for the pendant in my pocket. I opened it up, it had an old picture of a family, so my assumption was correct it was really old. But the creature showed up a few months back, how can he have something that old. I took out my laptop from my back and did some search about this town. And it turns out that there was a serious issue with kidnapping in this town. Not the local citizen but any outsiders. They would disappear sometime after they have arrived. But all the records of missing families vanished and what was left was the last account of a missing family, known as Steffler family. Mr. John Steffler and his wife Mrs. Emmy Steffler and his young son Jason Steffler. All of them disappeared and their house was burned to ground by fire, cause unknown. While I was reading, suddenly the door opened, startling me. It was my grandfather. He was calling me earlier trying to invite me to breakfast. I told him that I was coming, I put away my laptop and went down stare. Both of my grandparents were at the table, my grandfather was reading the morning newspaper, while my grandmother was eating her toast and in front of me was the bowel of cereal. We were in the kitchen and room next to it was the living room. Living room's window was right ahead of the table. Why is this all important, because I... right then and there understood that my cap was absent. It was in that cave and if that thing was an animal-like, it could utilize my cap with my sweat on it, to follow me down. Possibly I was over reasoning it... in any case, simply at that point, the animal came smashing through the window. My grandparents jumped up, getting Shocked, horrified and confused. The creature ramped into the table, knocking it over my grandmother, while I tripped and fell down. The creature made his way towards me, ignoring my grandfather. I could still see the bullet wound I gave it. Out of the blue, my grandfather grabbed the wooden seat and pummeled it on the animals back. Just to irritated it considerably more. The animal swung its arm, tossing away the chair without any effort and slashing him across the face. Blood went over the divider and floor and he tumbled to the ground. As my grandmother was thumped out with a table on her and my grandfather's face was torn open, probably being dead, the sentiment of regret kicked in. Now the creature turned its intention towards me. As they say "curiosity killed the cat" and for me, I was going to be killed by this monster, when suddenly a loud, screeching noise came out of nowhere. I tried my hardest to block the sound with hand, but it did not help. I couldn't even think or see straight. The creature, on the other hand, ran out as fast as possible. The sound stopped, bringing me to the point of going unconscious. Then it stopped, I tried to hold my self together. Trying to get up, but just then a hand grabbed me and pulled me up. I turned around and saw a man in a white coat. He taller than me, suggesting he was in his thirty's. he had dull black hair, with white strokes and black glasses. He sat me down on the side. I asked him about who he was and why he was here. He explained himself. He was a local scientist, researching the field. During that, he found the creature and started observing it. Next thing he asked me for help to catch that thing. Another thing that suggested that I should accept his offer as I could not stay here anymore. If local authorities were to be called, what will I say to them? And without any other option, I took the helping hand. He called the police of an attack at the local farm. while I was heading out, I was leaving my grandparents on the floor knocked, regretting all that I have done in name of adventure. But now there was no turning back for me. **..........................** The men had a van parked outside. He asked me to take my bicycle with me as well. As we left the house behind, I saw a police car heading towards there. I rest easy knowing at least my grandmother might survive, maybe. He dropped me at the playground and gave a sound control module. The thing that has been making the god awful sound. A black box with a speaker on its back, in front it had a screen displaying multiple sounds that it can produce and a wheel to select the sound. He explained to me how to use it, at 53 KHz the creature would come towards the sound and at 36,000 kHz to would be painful for the creature and would run away and the last choice was 50,000 kHz at which the creature would become paralyzed because of too much pain. But as the frequency would higher I would be painful for me as well, so he also gave me special headphone which would be able to block the sound of higher than 20,000 KHz. Second, I was to bring the creature to the junction of the highway, close to which was his lab at. After I was set, I had to wait until the sundown. Until then I sat down on the swing and tried to think, so much as happened. My encounter with a real monster and now with this scientist. Something was not right, but I still decided to play along. Soon the sun it was time to act. At 53 KHz the creature would come toward me, the same frequency that would attract a dog... so it was an animal like. I attached the device at the bicycle phone holder and wore my headphone, and turned to the 53 KHz and got on my bicycle... there was complete silence When those initial couple of thumps of hoofs stepped on the strong ground hit my ears. I pummeled my foot at the paddle. It didn't take the animal much long to come behind. It's roar loudly. it was fast and I mean really fast. I knew that it won't be long until he catches me. But... this... was... fucking awesome, it felt like a part of a movie, the back of my head was going to explode with excitement. My legs, on the other hand, became lighter. fast, fast, fast, I need to go faster. and I did, I went quicker than the animal on the bike. before I came to a turn, yet I couldn't turn it as I was going excessively quick. I street over the grass and stone as an afterthought. I attempted my best to shield my self from falling over. The animal, then again, had no issue. I came at a straight street and a correct turn on the end. With that turn, I arrived at the intersection. I turned my bicycle and drifted across the junction. Coming to stop there and faced the creature who running at me. At the start of the highway, the headlights of the van switched on and the van came down at full speed. While I turned the wheel up to 50,000 KHz. The creature dropped on the spot, it screamed in pain. But just then something happens, in split second between the van hitting the creature. I heard, unmistakably "STOP" from the creature's mouth. It was hard to understand it, between all grunting. The van slammed into the creature knocking it out completely. I stopped the machine. He got out. I noticed that he was wearing earplugs, he took them out. And told me to help to put it in the back. We loaded the creature in the back and left my bicycle there. **..........................** It took a few minutes for us to arrive at his house, which was a mile away from the town and at a deserted place. He pulled down the screen shade, rivaling a red button. He pressed it and the front platform of the garage door lifted up by hydraulic arms. He drove the van inside. There was a straight hallway. In the end, was a wide room. He parked his van in the side of the room. We got off. In the middle was a double door. He went inside and brought out a stretcher. I helped him with putting the creature on the stretcher. He asks me to push it inside the room, while he opened it for me. The room was dark as the lights were off. I pushed the creature in the corner and he opened the light. As soon as he opened to light, all my assumption about him become correct. The room had many shelves containing large Jar of different animal parts, stored formalin. There was one more door on the side and a big table with computer and multiples file folders. It also had step up of an operating room, with its equipment in the center. At this point, the feeling of regret was not new for me. Then all of a sudden, I felt and sharped pain in my side. I quickly turned around, to see a wicked smile on his face. I stumble back on the ground. I pulled the scalpel, out of my back. Holding the pain in, I looked at him wanting an explanation. First, he congratulated me, for surviving against the "CHIMERA", which was the name he gave to the experiments that he created. Then he introduced himself, his name is Dr. Emmett Hyde. He was the one who released CHIMERA into the wild, for research purposes. Me encountering it was just a mere coincidence. He lifted his coat up, reviling a gun holster with a revolver. He pulled it out. At those final moments, I had the sound device in my back pocket pants. I turned the dial to 53 KHz and asked him about the Steffler family that disappeared many years back. That brought a smile to face. He told that this facility did not belong to him and when he came here, he had a need for test subjects. Using the town citizen was too problematic, so he went for the random tourist that came here and the Steffler family just happen to be one of them. the parents did not survive the mutation but their child was the lucky one. I smiled and said, "Well I knew that much". He asked what difference does that make. I reached for the pendant. I looked at him for last time and said: "not for me but for him". and the timing couldn't be more perfect. The Chimera eyes opened and he jumped out of the bed. The doctor turned his gun towards Jimmy. He looked at Dr. Emmett and roared, as he jumped on him. Dr. Emmett shot Jimmy in the chest. Before Jimmy bites his neck, he shot another shot in its chest. but in the end, Chimera tore his neck apart by using his mouth. After which he got up, just for him lean against the wall and slowly go down. It was over, I got up from there. Grabbed the gun from the body of the doctor. I walked over to Jimmy. He was still alive bearly. he looked at me with its messed up face, I quickly aimed the gun at his face and pulled the trigger. the back of his head exploded. I threw the pendant on him. I did felt sorry but he had to go. Then my eyes went over to the door on the side of the room. I went inside to find something interesting. There were six more Cylinders, with similar creatures. labeled by there respected numbers and a name that was on each of the Cylinders, "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**". At the side of each tube were two buttons, red and green. The green was labeled "REALIZES" and red was labeled "DISINTEGRATE". I knew what I had to do it. After taking some pictures of the whole scenario, I pressed the red button on each Cylinders containing those Chimeras. A brown liquid shot out which quickly decomposed the creatures into a black mess. Next, I booted up the computer. There wasn't anything important to be noted, as there were only data logs and research data. One particular file, named "**ABYSS FOUNDATION: CHIMERA PROJECT**" piqued my interest. The file explained that Dr. Emmett Hyde was hired by "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**" for mutation and development of human subjects. He was supposed to find a way to make mutants, for reasons only known to "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**". And What was the "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**", they were the real brains controlling everything from the shadows. That would also explain the records of missing families disappearing. I download the file on my phone. But then it hit me, I couldn't let the hard drive survive. I ripped out the hard drive for the computer. Before leaving I threw the hard disk in the van and shot the fuel tank, causing it to explode. After barely surviving the fire and making out safely, with burns. I left the house burning, then I walked all way back to my bicycle and rode back into the town. As I reached the playground, I felled from the bicycle on the ground. I was too tired to move any more, I just lied there until the sleep came. **..........................** When I woke up, I was in a hospital room, my back was wrapped in bandages. My phone was on the side table. I opened it and found that it still had the picture and files. soon the doctor came and He told about my grandparents, that my grandfather died and my grandmother had a serious concussion. I acted as I did know about it. They asked what happened. I said that I didn't remember, as I was knocked out and when I woke up I was in the hospital. This soon blew off, as my dad came and took care of things, after which we were there for a few days. On the last day before we were to leave, I went into the forest looking for the creature's cave. I did, but it was completely cleaned out, not a single trace of flash or blood. Next, I went to look for the house of Dr. Emmett, at the edge of the town. It wasn't there either, just flat ground. It seemed that Someone, maybe the "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**" covered up everything up, similar to missing family reports. But I still had those photos about these creatures and lab, and also the file. **..........................** Few days after I arrived home, I received a latter. It was from "**ABYSS FOUNDATION**" and the letter was blank but had my name on it, **Axel Adverd**... I knew exactly what it meant. They know everything. They know what I did, they know where I am, they know who I am and they are always watching me. **...THE END...


They had finally done it. Earth Space Agency, the only and most powerful space agency on the Earth in the year 2121, had finally discovered a way to travel faster than the speed of light. They could now travel to faraway places never known to mankind. They could explore everything. All the possibilities were open and today was the day when they were finally going to run their first faster-than-light ship. The ship in theory was perfect. Today was their first flight to test it. They had previously tested it using bots, it worked fine. But today, it was gonna be a human. Also the bots were never sent out of the solar system. But today’s destination was a planet far out in the unknown universe. 10 planets were shortlisted for the destination and this was the one selected. The name? RS-210 The information about this planet was not known much. The only thing that was known is they had received a signal from the planet and that alone was enough to select the planet. The people to be sent were a team of 5 people. It consisted of three men and two women. Captain Mark was the commander. Joe, Philip, Laura and Sansa were the rest four. At the launch site The four crewmembers had a talk with their families for the last time before launch. All of their families were very sad but the crewmembers assured them that they’ll surely return. They had so much faith in their ship. One by one all the crewmembers boarded the ship. The ship’s was then locked and the launch processes were initiated. Captain Mark checked all the ship stats and assured the control centre. The control centre then checked all other things and the countdown began. 3…2…1… and boom the ship took flight and within a fraction of a second, they disappeared. The journey was about 5 minutes long. Wait, what did you expect? A view of the flight? C’mon it’s faster than the speed of light. The whole world waited for 5 minutes staring at the counter on their screens. Each and every soul on Earth waited for 5 minutes. 3…2…1 The counter came to and end. The silence for the first two-three seconds was like never before seen. All the people looked at the screens, at each other but did not utter a sound. “Flight control, do you copy.” “Yes, Captain Mark congratulations.” And suddenly the whole centre burst out in joy. They had successfully did their first faster than light flight. “What do you see Captain?” “I see a beautiful red planet. Looks much like Mars” Slowly the captain moved the ship towards the planet and somewhat tried to circle the planet, observing it from all sides. They began circling the planet but as soon as they reached the other side of the planet, the crew fell silent. “uhhh, flight?” “Yes captain?” “We might have a problem here” Saying this, the captain, relayed the visuals to the control centre and suddenly the control centre was dead silent. What the crew was seeing was a humoungous ship, nearabout 100 times the size of their own. It was all illuminated with bright lights. It was the same doughnut shaped colony concept that we had been trying to make. It was a colony. A alien colony. There were capsules flying all over and around it. The crew was just awestruck. They couldn’t believe their eyes. Slowly the Captain tried to move his ship around, but suddenly there were two drones coming their way. They were small drones, about the size of a bucket. They looked way more futuristic than what we had here. The crew didn’t move an inch. The drones approached the ship. They came nearer and nearer. It turned out that they weren’t normal drones. They were able to travel through things. The drones straightaway entered the ship and flew to the crew members. One of the drones went to Mark and slowly a headset came out of the drone. The drone instructed him to wear it. Similar headsets were provided to each crew member. After that, the drones just floated in midair. They didn’t move at all. The crew members were puzzled. Captain Mark immediately relayed the audio the the control centre so whatever the audio is gets to Earth. Suddenly the headsets starting playing a recording. The audio quickly reached Earth and was played at the control centre. It was instantly telecasted to all T.V. Channels too. The whole of mankind was listening to the same audio at the same time. It was a pre-recorded clip. It lasted for exactly 3 minutes and 32 seconds. Every person sat still. The crew had a puzzled look on their face after the clip ended. The control centre guys couldn’t believe anything. The drones took back the headsets from the crewmembers heads and started going back. After a few moments, the Captain looked at all the members and simply closed his eyes for a minute. “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!” The captain shouted. “I peed my pants after seeing the drones and this is what they give us, huh?” “This is gonna get a billion views man!” the alien teenager said. “Yes Rickrolling the inventors of rickroll whole civilization at a time.” The other replied.


When was this? I stared at the blurry photo of myself, sitting next to Andy in a sticky booth in a bar I’ve been to a thousand times. Why don’t I remember this? Could’ve been drunk based on how many empty beer cans were on the table but why do I not remember Andy either?

Flash forward to the beginning of the night… I didn’t even want to go to this bonfire tonight. Not sure why though. I wasn’t feeling particularly antisocial or anything, and despite the long week I wasn’t necessarily tired, but something in my bones told me I shouldn’t go. And I ignored it. I also knew my friend, Rick, would be pissed if I bailed. This was his housewarming party of sorts for the whole group, even though I had been there countless times. Due to his poor planning skills, I practically set everything up and bought all the food, so perhaps I was a little more annoyed than I should’ve been, but I digress. Around 9 p.m., everyone else started showing up. Rick and I were already two or three beers in, sitting on these tiny foldable chairs as each of our friends joined us one by one. Now that it was nearing 11 p.m., I was thankful for that fire. The bright orange flames swirled around as the wind picked up, and when the flames finally cleared I saw an empty, extra chair. “Whose chair is that? Everyone’s here.” I asked Rick.

“That must be mine.” A voice behind me muttered. I jumped in my seat, nearly falling out while the man sat down in the last remaining chair. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” “No worries, just didn’t hear you walking up.” I answered, though my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. I stared at the man, not recognizing him in the slightest. Admittedly, I wasn’t the best at recognizing people, but I had no clue who he was. I leaned over my chair to Rick’s, and not as quietly as I would’ve liked, I whispered, “Who is this?” Before Rick could respond, the man answered, “I’m Andy?” Andy settled into the chair and took a beer from the cooler, cracking it open and taking a long swig. He then looked at me, squinting his eyes to take a better look at me. I narrowed my eyes, a weird sensation flowing through me that wasn’t the effects of the alcohol.

“Andy, quit staring you’re starting to creep everyone out.” Rick said, his voice a little slurred. “Sorry,” Andy said, his head ticked to the side. “I know you. Do you not remember me?”

I pointed to myself. “Me?” “Yeah, you.” Andy set his drink down and started going through his phone.

The rest of the guys weren’t paying any attention to this interaction, Rick was the only person besides Andy and I that was engrossed in this conversation.

“You don’t know him, man. I’ve never introduced you all until today.” Rick answered for me, although that was going to be my answer too. “No, no, I know I’ve met you before, several times actually.” Andy got up from his seat and sat down on the damp ground ahead of me and Rick. “Why would I have pictures of you on my phone if we’ve never met before?” I narrowed my eyes “I must’ve been drunk every time or something.” “Not that I recall, maybe like once.” Andy replied, he passed his phone to me and I began scrolling through the cluster of pictures.

At some point I had lost count on how many pictures I scrolled through. Some pictures were us at bars or concerts or just dinners together. “This is just weird.” I practically threw the phone back at him. Confusion ran through me, how come I don’t remember him? “Are you sure that’s even me?” I asked, even though I knew it was a stupid question. Of course it was me, there was no denying that. But it wasn’t like me to blatantly forget someone. “You sent most of these to me, dude. I’m sure it’s you.” He handed his phone over to Rick after his relentless pestering. Rick’s eyes went wide at the photos. “Well clearly Jack doesn’t remember.” Rick looked at me, looking as perplexed as I was. “Where did you meet him for the first time then?” “At Henry’s Tavern, maybe about six months ago?” Rick looked over at me and I shrugged my shoulders, the mentioning of the restaurant did not jog my memory in the slightest. Andy took a long swig of his beer, if he was annoyed with my lack of remembrance he was trying his best not to show it. He blew out a long breath and then asked, “Okay, well we went to that bar on Smith Street a few times. What’s that place called again?”

“Kilter’s?” I answered which appeared to give him false hope. “So, you do remember?” “I just remembered the name of the bar, not going there. The last time I remember going there was for New Year’s Eve, I don’t remember stepping foot in that bar after then.” Now I was really starting to get concerned. Why am I missing these last few months? And more specifically, why is it only my interactions with him? Could I be forgetting other things too?

“You don’t have a twin brother, do ya?” Andy chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. I appreciated his attempt, but hundreds of questions were running through my mind at this point. “I don’t.” I answered shortly, even though he already knew that.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, but we’ve clearly met each other several times. I wouldn’t just edit these photos.” He slid his phone back to his pocket, though I had a strong urge to flip through each photo in hopes of jogging my memory. I knew it wouldn’t, so I refrained and just sipped my beer and tried to forget it all. After several minutes of awkward silence, Andy announced his departure. I felt some relief when he left, though Rick immediately brought the pictures up again. “That was weird, man. You seriously don’t remember any of those?”

I shook my head. “I just don’t understand why I don’t remember any of them.” Rick shrugged his shoulders and threw down his empty beer on the grass. A smile grew on his face as he said, “Well at least you’ll remember the ones we took tonight with him.” My face paled. “We took some tonight?”


The streets of Morehead City is bustling with workers getting last minute things ready for the festivities that will begin at 8 PM. The crab pot is checked over. The lights work now to check the timing of it coming down. They need to make sure it is exact. Morehead City is nothing like New York City. There are about a third the people if that many. A small fishing town with many privately owned shops and restaurants, a quaint town that the people living there and around there love. One such person moved to Beaufort, NC when she was a young mother. Her daughters were middle school and elementary school age. Three girls in a small town, perfect combination, or so she thought. Life started out perfectly in 1995 when Mary and her husband found the cute three-bedroom house just out of the town of Beaufort. Before their daughters joined them, a young boy asked them if they needed any help and if they had any children. This was how it was in the south, especially in Beaufort. Children were very respectful and willing to help when they can, usually the latter is in hopes of a little money but they will not ask for it. Mary and Jim have been married four years now. This is both of their second time around. Mary’s first marriage was full of verbal abuse as well as physical, emotional, and psychological. Leaving their last place was a blessing for her because she was truly able to put all of that behind her. Jim has been the perfect husband. Jim worked for the government in the shipyard in Portsmouth, VA. He also was in the United States Army Reserves. Once he and Mary got married, he took on two other jobs to help make ends meet. In 1994, he found out that his dad had cancer. After the operation to remove the tumors, he and his family were told that they could only guarantee one year of good quality life because they could not get all of the cancer out. At that same time, his mother was being treated for breast cancer and he received his third pink slip from the shipyard due to the RIF program (reduction in force). The other two were pulled from him. Jim was very stressed out. One day, Jim came home from his reserve weekend duty. He wasn’t home long when the phone rang. The Army was offering him a full-time position. They were offering him to go active duty, Jim took it. He had to be away for schooling, so Mary had to hold down the fort and start preparing to move. Neither had any idea where they would be going. Most of the preparation was done while the girls spent time with their other parents and family. This gave Mary time to go through items and decide what they will keep and what they will get rid of. In the mail, Jim finds he has a set of orders. “Mary! We got the official word! We will be moving to the Morehead City area.” Mary was very excited about this news. Jim has been drilling with the reservists there for the last four years and there were times she would go with him. She loved the area. Before heading off to school, the two of them take a trip to Morehead City to find a home to rent. They met with a realtor and she showed them a house in Beaufort that was within their budget. They signed the paperwork and handed over the deposit. This will be their home for the next three years, or so they thought. The day Jim left for school, the realtor calls. “Mary, I am sorry but the owners of the house need to pull out of the lease.” “Why is that?” “The job he was hoping for fell through and they just found out they were having their first child.” “That is ok, we will let them out. See if you can find something that will be willing to let us have a six-month lease. That will give us time to find exactly what we want,” Mary said to her. “Will do.” Mary hangs up and sighs. Little did she know that this will become a normal thing for her. The moment Jim will leave, something will fall apart or fall through. In a day or two, the realtor finds a house for them off of Harker’s Island Road in Beaufort. Mary sets up a day and time to come to see it for herself. Her dad offers to come along with her. He is old fashion and does not like the idea of his daughter going off anywhere by herself, especially four hours away. The day comes and Mary sees the house. It is three bedrooms with one and a half baths. Just what they need for their three girls. The only problem is that it is truly a shack. The best part is that the owner is willing to have a six-month lease on it and the price is less than the other home Mary and Jim were looking at. That was in June, by December Jim and Mary buy their own house. They were moving in when the young boy comes over. Those three years were some of the best and some of the worse in their marriage. Here it is now 2019 and getting ready to become 2020 and this is where they decide to retire. Their middle daughter moves here right after graduating high school and ends up renting their house with two sometimes three roommates. The oldest moves into the property several years later when her husband abandons her and their daughter with Mary and Jim. Of course, that house had to replace a few years prior due to the spread of black mold. But she moves in after her sister moves out into a house her and her husband (the young boy across the street) buys their own house right next door. Since that time, that boy from across the street cheats on their daughter and makes her move out of the house. She had nowhere to go and agree to allow the children to stay there until she finds something. She first moves in with her parents and then a good friend of her stepdad had a place available at a price she could afford. She ended up with a two-bedroom. She gave her kids the bedrooms and she took the living room to sleep in. The door opening takes Mary out of her reminiscing of the past. There are two of her grandchildren, coming to stay the night with her while their mom and the oldest granddaughter (a teenager in high school) go to the festivities at the waterfront of Morehead City. The other two go to the bedrooms. Gary plays with his cars and Legos that he has at his grandma’s and Amber takes her tablet, her sketchbook, and her pencils into the other bedroom. Mary hopes the New Year will be a better year for her daughters. They have been through so much. Misty and Rachael with Deidre make it to the waterfront. Deidre asks her mom, Rachael, if she could walk around with her friends. Of course, Rachael agrees but tells her that she has to stay close by. The girls go to the vendors and get themselves a sweet iced tea. No one makes tea better than anyone in North Carolina. They get settled in and wait for the crab pot to drop. Just about time for the countdown, they clink their cups and say “Here’s to a New Year with New Beginnings.” The lights start-up and the crab pot begins to fall. The sisters say out loud. Ten…Goodbye to anger. Nine…Goodbye to hatred. Eight…Goodbye to financial struggles. Seven…Goodbye to the fighting. Six...Goodbye to self-pity. Five...Hello to new friends. Four...Hello to more opportunities. Three...Hello to self-love. Two...Hello to possible love. Together they shout out. One...Hello to new beginnings!!!! Happy New Year!


"Growing apart?" His voice was panicked. "W-w-w-what do you mean by that, Gabi? Are we... growing apart?" It felt as if he was right next to her when the words were delivered over the phone. Ironic, she thought. "No, I mean," She sighed. How come he could be so easy to talk to and so difficult at the same time? "I mean we're just at a disadvantage right now." "Disadvantage?" "Yeah," A dropped moment of silence. "Look, I meant what I said two weeks ago..." "It doesn't feel like it." "Well, you can't blame me for this? I didn't know whenever you kissed me that two weeks later we'd be separated for who knows how long." "Again." She was perplexed by this answer. "Ben, what..." "Again," it was aggressive now, his tone was shifting uneasily and she started to breathe heavier. Her mind raced to the ideas of last semester. It's true, they had been separated twice before, but then it wasn't by force. Or perhaps, maybe it was. She had sworn him off like someone who had quit smoking. Cold turkey. The boy was bad for her. She knew it, everybody knew it. He was deep, a description that not many people got in her book. Why she liked that depth she never knew. It was purposeful, not accidental. It was the same characteristic that simultaneously enthralled and infuriated her. It broke her heart, she's realized that now. She thought that his depth was exclusive to her, that it only went as deep as she wanted it to. A well, a pit, a black hole. She should have known better. His depth reached far beyond herself. And for that, she was scared. Rumors spread like weeds around her cracked and blistering heart. Stories came out of the walls. Her ? But she's my friend, how could you be talking to her, too? All the while I was falling deeper and deeper into you and you were trying to catch someone else? How could you... "I'm sorry, I overreacted," he finally whimpered. She hadn't realized a minute of silence had enveloped them. "I'm just so afraid of losing you." The words pounded inside of her but her memories held her captive. She bit her lip. She shouldn't have said it but, "Really?" The question came out ruder than she had planned. She imagined the look in his face whenever he heard this. "Gabi," he whispered. "Are you, are you a-a-a-actually asking me that right now?" "Yes, I am!" She couldn't help the fury now. "Why would you even doubt it? I-I-I was stupid, I know that now. Do you still not trust me?" His disbelief made her shaky. "I, I don't know..." Silence, disappointment, heaviness. "I guess," she finally squeaked. Her eyes got wet, but she blinked back tears. No, you will not cry over him... "Ben, I was just saying... "Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side..." I didn't think this would lead to... I don't know, I didn't think me saying that would come to this conversation." He laughed sadly. An oxymoron. A favorite of his. "What is this conversation... a break-up?" She bit her lip again. "I don't even feel like we got started." "Maybe there's a reason for that." She was afraid what he would think if she said that. And then her lips formed the words and she just said it. Now a full and anxious quietness shaped her emotions. She stood up. She had to move. Leaning into every word he said was plunging her deeper and deeper. Climbing out of the well. We're climbing out. "Maybe there is." Her heart sank. Why did it sink? Was she waiting for him to say no, to fight for her, to make her believe that he loved her? Why? Why, when she was climbing out did his submission make her want to jump back in? "I don't know maybe this was a bad idea," "Do you really think that?" she asked with a pungency she hadn't expected. "No," he denied romantically. "I have never regretted the night we spent together." "Neither have I," the words rushed out of her before she had a second to proofread them. Two breaths. Again he felt much closer than he was. She wished his arms were there. She missed that sensation of feeling safe and secure and isolated from any kind of danger. Why him? She didn't know. Why he could make her feel that way, she couldn't explain. Maybe their roots had entangled. "I will tell you as many times as I need to that, I-I-I-I'm sorry for everything in the past..." "Oh, Ben.. I know.." "No, I don't think you do. I am truly, truly sorry. I never knew how much pain I caused you, a-a-a-and the idea of that pain makes me feel so much more for you. You have been nothing but a good friend to me and I have found myself helpless to thoughts of you, it's like..." She took a breath, listening to his words made her weak. "It's like part of me is missing when I can't talk to you. I can't see you or touch you or be close to you. Everything you do gives light to me. It's intoxicating." Now she felt herself sitting in the well again. Roots tangled freely. "Gosh, I'm sorry, that's probably not helping your move to friend-zone me." She laughed but it was brittle. She was still infatuated with thinking about what he just said. "Are you in love with me." It wasn't a question, she didn't ask it like a question. In fact, it was a pure impulse; the thought as if a jewel dug up by an old miner whose coal mine would soon explode. "Uh-" he couldn't believe she asked him that, and in such a way he didn't feel capable of answering. "Because you act like it. And I'm afraid that I'm in love with that." Now his chest was throbbing with the mechanical fury of his heart. What was she saying? "I'm afraid I'm in love with love." The recognition felt like a sunset on a mountain. She was out of the well now, perhaps still sitting next to it, but nevertheless free. "Can you, e-e-explain that?" "Yeah," she was suddenly confident. "I love the idea that you're in love with me. It's quite selfish actually, if I have to be honest. In fact, it kills me how badly in love I am with just the sound of your voice telling me that you're in love with me" "But, I never..." "Is that terrible? It is!" She interrupted him insanely. Confidence turned to self-frustration in a second. "Have I been, all this time, in love with the simple idea that you might be in love with me? If you dropped me right now, would I miss you or just the attention that you give me? I don't know, Ben, and that drives me absolutely crazy trying to figure it out. I'm too deep, I'm too entangled." He tried to hear the words as she said them but the rate at which she was speaking began to blow him away. Slowly, he pieced together the reality she was conveying. "Hey," he said so softly it knifed her. "Can you not beat yourself up, please? Another realization. She loved the way he caught her world as it was crashing down. "You are not at fault here. Okay? No one is. If that's how you feel about me then that's how you feel. I can't change that and to some degree, you can't either." For a moment it felt as if they were laying in a green field on a summer night looking at the stars. She relished in the fantasy. "I think what we have is something really different." The phrasing made her laugh. Yeah, that's for sure. "And I say that because... I-I-I never thought that you would take a second chance on me. You didn't have to. But you did." Why did she? She recalled how it felt to be ignored by him, to see other people with him, to feel the icy chill of his presence whenever it was necessary he be in the same room as her. She could have continued the stalemate if she had felt that the man on the other side of the wall had given up... but oddly, it always felt like a long, purposeful silence. Every glance, every wayward look that got cast between them, being met with casual, polite excuses, held a punch. It was utterly perplexing. And whenever they had opened the gates and the words came flooding in, the relief or maybe even the risk, was electrifying. Her brain still questioned every time she reveled in his presence. Her cold and chained up heart still wanted to reach out through the prison bars but her mind, the guard, would swat away the grasping hands. It was not a shock whenever she grabbed his hand in a movie theatre that he had let go of it softly and said, "no, let's... let's not." However, it was no surprise that whenever he let her into his apartment and no one was there that the couch and his body soon became a permanent fixture. They had been starving themselves for so long. Every kiss felt like the first. Every breath was enticing. She was disgusted with herself and how badly she wanted him close to her. Months later, her disgust had forced her to flee from him, her hunger hidden again with the excuses and shamings of herself. And then, that night. They stood together, frozen with cold, on top of a watch tower, left open for tourists and dumb kids like them to explore. The thought of themselves as 'dumb kids' made her smile. They sat there, looking at stars and clouds that passed by the moon. Her knees pulled up to her chest, they gently fell against his own. And he looked at her then. His eyes so dark, so deep, so easy to fall into. He asked if he could hold her hand and the image of their fingers interlocked and the white fog of their breath felt poetic. That image alone made her say, "why not?" Had she known that two weeks later a major pandemic would separate them and force her to think about all of these moments, would she still have looked at him, and with hunger in her eyes say, "why not?" She didn't know the answer. And that plagued her. "Gabi?" His voice awakened her from the slouched position she had taken up, half-drooling and squinting at the lamp next to her bed. "oh, sorry," she managed to say. "I didn't know I..." She yawned and heard him laugh. "It's alright, I knew you fell asleep like 5 minutes ago. Wow did you hear anything I said?" "No," she admitted and laughed at herself. "Yeah, I didn't either," he chuckled and sighed a pleasant sigh. "I was just thinking about everything and I guess it just put me to sleep..." "Well, it is late too, sweetheart." She smiled at his voice. "But hey, before you go, can I read you this quote I found today?" "Oh yeah, of course. You know me and quotes." "Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that..." Hmm, she'd never heard it before. But instantly she felt as if it applied to them. Their friendship was different like that. She thought it over in her mind, and softly asked with veiled fear, "Growing apart?"


Ryan looks up at the stars in the night sky.A strong chilling breeze is blowing from the right side.He is sitting on a rock enjoying the night sky and the mountains covered with darkness.The fire in front of  the army camp is hardly visible from here.This place is exceptionally quiet and fully covered with snow. "Comrade Ryan, are you there?" Ryan's train of  thoughts are interrupted by a familiar voice.Ryan looks back, a giant figure comes out of the dark.Fellow soldier, Ayush Sharma approaches towards him."Why are you sitting here alone in the darkness?Are you sad?" Ryan sighs "My mother is admitted to a hospital in a serious condition.My elder brother called me in the evening.I don’t think she will survive.The doctor is not very optimistic. I wish I could go back to home,to my mother." Ayush sits beside him and puts an arm on his back.In a deep voice he tries to console him, "I can understand your conflict.But you are sacrificing everything for a noble cause.You may not attend your biological mother at this moment,but you can protect your another MOTHER here.That will make your mother proud." -"Is the news confirmed?" -"Yes,I had a chat with Lieutenant,the news is confirmed.We might get into action in the next week." Ryan looks up at the stars again.From his childhood whenever he is sad he quietly looks at the stars.He thinks about his mother, his elder brother, Sumita,his wife and Kush,his 10 years old son whom he has seen only twice since his birth. He wonders if Kush could recognize him if one day Ryan turns up at house.He recalls how happy his mother was when he joined the army.He could see the admiration and pride in his parents' eyes when he came from training.The first time he came home after joining was his father's funeral.The next time he came to attend his marriage and he had to leave Sumita the very next day. Sumita is very supportive for the few times they met and have brought up Kush of her own. He has always wished to serve his country from a early age but at this moment he realizes that he wants to spend some time with his family too and to show them that he cares for them as well. -“Don’t worry, your mother will be fine.Let’s focus on the task we have in our hand . Major General Anand Tripathi will reveal the full plan tomorrow.Let’s go to the camp now.You need rest.” Ryan comes down of the rock,almost jumping from his spot.Both of them walks silently towards the camp leaving behind the silence and snow although the night stars keep following Ryan.The fire has been put off and the chilling wind has picked up speed.Ryan is reluctant to have dinner but Ayush insists him.After dinner both of them have a chat with Captain Satraj Singh about their preparation.Afrer the conversation Ryan goes to bed,picks up a story book and starts reading. But his mind is scattered and hardly can concentrate upon the book. The next morning they have their usual training and exercises. Ryan feels more fresh and enthusiastic in the morning. At around 11 am Major General Tripathi asks them to gather together for the planning and instructions. -“As many of you might know we have a information that some terrorists are planning to invade the local village and attack on us. According to our source there may be a group of fifty people.We need to be careful and precise with our planning and striking.” For the next 1 hour he revealed the entire planning of the mission. They are supposed to go there the day after tomorrow and ambush themselves. The next two days passes in a blink of eye in all the preparation and arrangement. Lieutenant boosts the troops in the evening. Next morning they all wake up very early in the morning.After breakfast, as they are about to start their journey a call arrives for Ryan from his elder brother breaking down in tears. Ryan just cannot cry,he becomes speechless.For the first time in his life he curses his job and wishes to leave everything and go to his mother for one last time. Her face keeps appearing in front of his eyes.Then he recalls what Ayush have said, he have to protect his MOTHER .Ryan tries hard to focus on his mission but his mind keeps going back to the house where his mother is asleep on the bed peacefully for the last time.All the memories keeps rushing in. The troops seek full co-operation from the villagers and urges them to have faith in the troops.The village is evacuated soon.Ryan with his fellow soldiers are positioned in a particular direction. A dense fog, which they saw approaching on the way, covers everything.After few minutes sudden gunshots from a close range followed by scream of Ayush shakes up everyone.Ryan looks to his right side and finds Ayush lying on the ground with a bullet right into his left shoulder. -“Ayush,Ayush are you okay?” he rushes to Ayush and almost falls on his body. -“I---will---be---fine.You---should-------start--------moving-----now…” he completes his sentence with utmost difficulty,almost whispering last few words.His heart is beating at a very fast pace.Captain Satraj orders the troops, “We have to move forward now.If we keep waiting here in the fog,we will get shot.Ryan, you stay at the shelter with Ayush.” Ryan nods.The team vanishes into the fog.The visibility has become less than 50 meters now.After few mintues he could hear rapid gunshots and occasional scream of the victims.Suddenly he reckons the approach of a group of people nearby with faint noise of footsteps.He holds his rifle and becomes alert.He drags Ayush to a corner of the room. Now, Ryan is sure it must be terrorists,somehow sneaked through.THIS IS THE MOMENT TO MAKE BOTH MOTHERS PROUD.As soon as they enter the room the rifle roars and a body falls on the ground,screaming. The others run away leaving behind something at a distance.Ryan approaches to see it. The object is nothing but a grenade and it blasts, BOOM!The last thing Ryan remembers the explosion and tremendous amount of heat and then it all becomes black.The troops comes rushing to shelter only to find his body scattered into pieces. Ryan feels very light like a thin air as he keeps moving until a soft hand taps on his shoulder.He turns back and finds his mother with a broad smile in her face. -“I’m very proud of you my son.” She holds his chin.Tears rolling down her wrinkled check. -“I wanted to go home and see you but I could not leave my national duty.” -“I know.Now look down and tell me what you can see.” as she embraces Ryan. Ryan looks down.He can see his own house and a huge crowd in front of his house. A coffin covered with the national flag is placed in the middle.Sumita and Kush wailing in a distance with his elder brother.Finally Ryan could reach home being embraced by both of his M o T h E rs.


Can you hear me? His words became a tattered piece of paper, snatched by the wind and sent fluttering off into the darkness. He sat hunched in the snow, his gaze not meeting mine but instead staring just past me. Hazy, unfocused. “I hear you,” I whispered. His gaze shifted, still not quite finding mine, but alert. I could see the closest trees through his right ear and shoulder. The finger that worried at his jeans looked thinned, like a spool of thread unraveled. A stiff breeze blew, and a few flecks of white flew from the back of his head.

“I didn’t catch that,” I said. Distress etched his washed out features, sharpening them for a moment. With a frown of concentration, he opened his mouth, deliberately shaping the words. Can you see me? “I can still see you.” Good . The simple word trailed off at our feet, written in heavy dark marker. Chewing at the knuckle of my thumb, I glanced around at the trees, on the lookout for shadows, for some imagined net or rope ready to haul this down. The trees rippled, pale trunks swaying in a silent breeze. Don’t leave me In a blink, he was close as possible, on his hands and knees, his face inches from mine, like a cat investigating an object it wasn’t sure about.

Don’t leave me The two notes fluttered to my lap, insistent. “I’m here.” I knew I could not say more. Our tenuous connection was already thin and frayed, ready to snap at the slightest wrong move. The dream never took much to destroy. In the past, I had tried to hold his hands, tried to comfort him, ask questions. But the questions were like rocks dropped onto a clear pond’s surface, and once those ripples distorted our images, the dream fragmented and broke.

In another blink, he was curled in on himself again, knees tucked against his chin and hands in his hair. Maybe his hair had once been curly, or maybe it was the tangle of branches and bramble I could see through him giving it texture. We sat in silence as he rocked back and forth in the snow. What’s happening to me I knew every question. Weeks of these visits, always on the edge between sleeping and waking, and the questions were always the same. “I don’t know.” Soon the alarm clock would go off. Soon the ground would swallow him up. Once, he simply was not there anymore, and I woke with a sinking dread that clung for the rest of that day. A few more things were left in our routine, my least favorite part. His thin fingers curled more tightly into his hair. At the beginning, this forest we met in had been green. The sky was always cloudy, but the trees looked alive. Each visit seemed to take a little more out of the forest every time, and its season crept by, bit by bit. I hooked my hand into the snow, scooping some up. Little black flecks littered it, like bits of asphalt caught in it. I smoothed it under my thumb, then crushed it into a little ball in my fist, then let the misshapen piece rock in my palm.

Waiting. I can’t feel my body There it was. Something else is inside it An old, familiar fear quaked deep inside me, but I pursed my lips and said nothing, studying the snow. Soon he would say he was numb, and again that he couldn’t feel his body. Maybe one of the questions reshuffled into the mix. The word “it” settled onto my palm. I made a fist again, and when I opened it, the word had been crushed in with the rest of the snow, the dot of the i and the cross of the t the only discernible bits left. The rest had flaked off, becoming more black bits. Can you hear me? “I can hear you.” His hand crossed into my vision, ready to grab mine. I flinched back, scooting across the snow and backing into a tree.

Wretchedness painted his fragmented face. One eye had turned completely hollow, a perfect hole in his head.

“I’m sorry,” I said, unable to explain our thin thread of connection, unwilling to risk it. He stared, his eyes focusing and properly, truly, finding mine. Horror flooded my veins. It’s almost over A wind roared up, buffeting the trees. Their scant few leaves ripped away in its wake. He stared at me, features slowly collapsing and twisting. Don’t leave me Snow swirled up and around, marked with his words and fear. Don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me The snow piled up around us, coming up to his knees, his waist, his outstretched hand.

Don’t leave me don’t leave me DON’T LEAVE ME DON’T LEAVE MEDON’TLEAVEME Everything was white and flecked, my vision filling, my body paralyzed as the snow consumed him all the way to his neck. He did not budge, still focused only on me, a tattered remnant of a person struggling to speak as his fear screamed around us. His mouth shaped the words, and his rough voice scratched out, “I’m scar I jolted out of sleep and into a mess of cold sweat and blankets. You know when you wake up from an unsettling dream, and it sets up camp in some corner of your brain? You eat, clean, get dressed, and it tickles from somewhere in the recesses of your subconscious, prodding at your mood and thoughts. You know it’s not real, and that it was only a dream, but the subconscious whispers “maybe” all day. I stumbled through several days like that. The dream clung, a sticky residue that I could not seem to scrape off with dreamless sleep or copious amounts of coffee. The roar of wind sat in my ears, and his heartbeat of panic stayed in tandem with mine.

Several days later, I set up in a coffeeshop, staring at my coursework and unable to concentrate. The cafe was one of those small hipster ones that aimed at a cozy atmosphere. Soft lighting and round, soft looking furniture crowded the space. I’d picked it deliberately, needing the immediate warmth of people around me. Conversations flowed by, fragments trickling into my exhausted awareness. “-- too much homework. I’m dying--” “No way you did that!” “--know what’s going on with Peter?” I took a clumsy sip of coffee, my teeth clacking against the type of heavy mug this cafe liked. “--hi, and it was like he didn’t even know me.” “--text you later about--” “He gave this weird sort of smile, I dunno.” The two guys sharing a table behind me didn’t bother to lower their voices. I heard the chair creak as one leaned back.

“It’s just weird, he didn’t seem, like, normal.” I turned my head to stare out the window. His face was an inch from mine on the other side of the glass. I jumped a foot, sloshing coffee all over my hands, barely even noticing. The man had cupped his face against the glass to see in, his breath fogging over his features, muddying them. As soon as he stepped back into the light with an apologetic grin, I could see him more clearly. His face had color and flesh, almost how he seemed the first time we met.

He strode the few steps to the cafe door and pushed inside with a bell merrily announcing his arrival. The two behind me had fallen silent, though now one called, “Hey, Peter!” Peter said nothing, his grin plastered on as he walked to them. As he came closer, my heart threatened to fling itself out of my chest, either by force or through the hollow pit that used to be my stomach. This had to be a dream again, seeing him in the flesh, but the burning pain on my hand and soaking wet on my sleeve said otherwise. His feet caught my attention. No, not his feet. The crook of his knees. His legs bent at a weird, bowlegged angle, sinking more than necessary with each step. “Yo, what’s up?” the other guy said behind me, and my dream’s visitor settled in next to them with a lot of scraping of chairs. I felt him inches away. “Work was a drag,” Peter murmured, voice soft and slightly hoarse. “Ah, bummer.” I could only sit and clutch at my long-forgotten coffee, an anchor for the rising panic in me. How the fuck was he here? Okay, rationalize. Maybe we’d passed each other several times, and my subconscious grabbed his face and set it in the staring role of my dreams. Unbidden, I remembered the last thing he’d said: “I’m scared”. What had his voice sounded like? “Sometimes,” Peter said, “I don’t think they pay me enough.”

“Retail, man.” He laughed, but how a laugh is written, with two separate “ha ha”s, the briefest of pauses between each “ha”. A shiver ran down my spine.

I wanted to continue to sit and satisfy my morbid curiosity, to pick up every word and sentence and dissect them until all meaning and clue had been pried out of them. But that laugh. I was a coward.

I slapped my laptop shut and began fumbling my scattered things into my bag. After knocking back the last of the coffee, I shot up, slinging the bag over my shoulder. The three of them looked up at the sudden movement. In the crowded space, picked earlier for comfort, his face was close. Peter’s. The dream visitor. I stumbled mid-shuffle, and my bag knocked into the mug, sending it careening to the floor. We watched it spin, handle clacking once, twice, against the tile, until it came to rest a foot from his muddy sneaker. He bent in half and handed it up to me, the same grin still on his face. Trying not to tremble, I took it from him. His fingers were cold as ice. “Thanks,” I mumbled. My ears and cheeks burned as I dropped off the mug at the counter.

The cafe’s bell rang again as I stepped out into the brisk evening. A breeze snatched at my scarf. I wound it more tightly around me and then just stood there, blank with confusion and panic and embarrassment. Autumn had settled over the town, an early chill nipping at everything. All of us were bundled up in sweaters and scarves now. Anyone’s fingers would be cold as ice. I dragged my hands down my face with a soft groan and began shuffling back home, chewing on that embarrassment. As I passed the cafe windows, I glanced up at the trio. They were half-hidden by reflections of the sky and the first streetlamps flicking on, turning the trio into sliced fragments. Peter stared out the window, still grinning and unchanged. The reflection of the sky slid over his face as I got closer, hiding all but the profile of his nose and mouth. His head tilted, curious about something. His mouth formed words I couldn’t make out. I shivered against the fall air and walked home, turning my thoughts to sleep.


“Give up... what !?” Prince Reginald turns red, then white, then greenish grey. “You’re serious !?” Seated in Marlin’s den, towering high above the land and palace, Reginald takes time to simmer down. He looks dejected. “What Sacrifice it’ll be!” he says, eventually. “Indeed! Think carefully. Things have a way to turn around and bite... I’m only a wizard, not clairvoyant ; I can’t predict the ending of this tale.” Their fateful chat has started, that morning earlier. “What are you willing to give up for some degree of freedom?” asks the mage. “Am I to pay you for your service?” the surly prince retorts. “No, no fee for me ; I live to serve. Freedom is dear , however, it claims a price.” “Well... you know my plight. I’m the third -born son of a most hardy king. My eldest brother’s marriage - and its resulting heir - shifted me back to fourth in line. The second one is now engaged and, if I know him well, will soon produce a string of princes of his own. “That of course, is not what bothers me. Let them come and claim the throne; all I desire is peace and privacy . There is no sense in me, unlikely and reluctant to be king, still hanging on, playing my minor role in court, compelled to sit through dinners, feasts and celebrations, partake in ceremonial rituals without end. For what ? They have no need for me or me for them . You see, I need to break free...” “Your position in the lineage, counts in your favour, I agree, but there is an obstacle of greater weight we have to face – and overcome .” “ What’s that?” “You’re too good-looking . People call you ‘Pretty Prince’ and ‘Handsome Reginald’ “ “ Well, what about it?” “Your brothers have more clout, but they are dull . Genuinely ugly would have worked, but dull is… well, dull . That’s why you’re not invisible enough to blend into the walls. You’re too intriguing . The nation’s eager to see you wed a beauty worthy of your graceful elegance. You are, alas, dear sir, prime entertainment in our realm.” “Your point?” “The price for freedom is…. your looks !” The prince is calmer now. “If we should choose to go this way, what should I do ?” he asks morosely. The wizard grins with broken teeth behind his white and matted beard. If anybody knows the magic craft of looking odd and wild , old Marlin is our man. “Step One: put on some weight ; fatten up your winsome face and hide your perfect body in extra layers of flesh . Eat more fat ; exercise less . But do it gradually . Any sudden moves will draw attention and thwart our plan. Get ordinary ! “Step Two: neglect your grooming . Be less fastidious about your clothes . Slouch . Sit hunched up in your chair. Look bored and dull; you have plenty of prime models to imitate. Glide gradually away from voguishness.” “I’m horrified. The price is high, but... I must know. Proceed” “Step Three: entwine your name romantically with someone plain . Not too ugly, mind, and definitely not cute ! No sharpish wit or excess charm. A girl that melts into a crowd, homely and obscure. But once again, tread slowly . Avoid a scandal. Slide slowly backwards into inconspicuousness . “In a year or two, no-one will really ‘see’ you anymore. Your father is often away at war. The queen has eyes for the new-born baby prince alone. Your brothers won’t miss you, and even if they do, won’t care .” The virile, handsome prince is in two minds. “Give up my charm ? That’s all I have. But, still, it brings me little joy. Weighed up against a life of freedom, I must consider it!” He does . He acts . He fades away… Say what you will about old Marlin (“knows no magic”, “ugly as sin” and more), this was a master plan. It worked – and how ! Two years later, our pretty prince , having sacrificed his grace on freedom’s pedestal, is less engaging than his sibs – that is to say a lot ! Maid Mary, his unassuming, casual choice for ‘ love’, becomes her role with perfect mediocrity. She is a little plump, compact and plain of face. She has no notions of her own, appears as inoffensive as a lamb. He visits her from time to time. They talk about the weather, news from court, their pets, their kin, just boring stuff. He does not love her with consuming heat, but likes her all the same; she feels the same. They fit each other well, like worn-out slippers on a bedroom floor. The king, a warrior to his core, is seldom home. The queen dotes on, not one, but four small princelings now. ‘The brothers Dim’ ignore him too. Prince Three is free (for now at least) and savours every bit. He’s clever though. He chooses just the right events; he’s seen to be seen, makes sure all those who count , acknowledge him. When he speaks, he’s vague and supercilious; he bores the pants off any one whose fate it is to cross his path… then fades into the background scene and slips away … “Wizard, you’d been exactly right! I’m able now to roam about, put in appearances, then go my way. The people just ignore me, or if one doesn’t , makes no great fuss . I visit Mary enough to show the gossips: nothing more ‘juicy’ is afoot. I miss my dapper image in the glass. One has some pride. But all in all , it’s worth it for the cure . My deepest gratitude is yours!” Marlin gives a small bow and smile his crooked smile. And all lived happily… (or not?) Historic footnote: But for a fateful choice he made as youth, our prince might have gone down in history as Reginald the Fair. After his father died in war, his family and heirs were wiped out by a plague (which he escaped because he was so seldom there). He had to take the crown . He married Mary. History remembers her as Modest Mary , and him? King Redge the Slob.


I ran into you at the grocery store by our old house, the one we shared together for over a year. You ran away from me like I was a murderer when you saw me. The expression of disgust on your face still haunts me. The next day, I was served with a restraining order. Two years of loving you abruptly came to an end. Any ounce of hope that I clung to vanished. I never understood how you could go from spending every waking moment with someone, to being banished from their life forever. I turned to the only thing I knew would make me feel better, drugs and alcohol, which was ironically the same thing that ended our relationship. The days and nights that followed seemed to blend together. I was willing to throw my life away for you, and I almost did. I drank copious amounts of alcohol, took pills, amphetamines, and everything in between. I lost my long-time job, I wrecked my car, and I lost 45 pounds in a matter of weeks. I spent half my days in the bathtub, where my skin shriveled from hours of soaking. Every relationship in my life dwindled and the people that loved me most became distant. When I first met you, I remember taking you on top of the Rimrocks overlooking Billings, Montana. It was a place reserved for special people and intimate moments, a place where the delicate sandstone formations jut out over the valley. I remember being nervous to tell you how I felt about you, the fear of rejection always seemed to plague my mind. When I got the nerve to hold your hand, it fit perfectly inside my clammy palm, and my nerves subsided without the use of Lorazepam. I intended on loving you from that moment forward. You did more for me than drugs could ever do, you convinced me that I was worthy of love. We moved in together when I had no place to go after inpatient treatment. I was silly enough to think I had changed after the 30-day program. I swore off drugs forever. You told me it was either you or the drugs, an unfair ultimatum, and I knew I wouldn’t uphold my end of the bargain. I began to sneak around and fall into old habits. I would run outside for thirty minutes at odd hours of the night, take phone calls in the bathroom, and make up excuses for almost everything. You accused me of cheating on you, which I dismissed effortlessly every time. You thought that there was another woman in my life, and it drove you insane. You told me you would never trust me, so I stopped trying. I should have saved you from the emotional turmoil of loving someone that you didn’t trust. I should have told you I was cheating on you; however, my mistress wasn’t another woman, it was a small pill named Oxycontin. When I think about the ghosts of my past, I think of you. I think of my resentment and how I drank the poison, hoping that you were the one that would die. I almost killed myself in the process and you didn’t know. I realized that my world didn’t have to end, just one world, in which you were a part of my life.


Part 1 Princess Sissy was a little girl when she was sent away to a far away place to get married to a prince who was about the same age as hers. It was rather complicated since they were so little they started to think that they are sisters brothers. No one bothered to care about this. Brother, have you seen my books I dont remember where I have put them. Probably a servant re-arranged them somewhere. Oh oh oh look who is talking. You are a princess you should know how to stay clean and arranged. She bursts into tears making her brothers heart melt. Hey hey dont cry I was just joking, you know? Don't tease me like that please. They kept growing on each other more and more. Both the prince nor the princess knew what was going on. There were a lot of rumours saying that the king sold the country to save himself from his enemies. Even though they knew about this they didnt actually care because it was just a rumour. part 2 People was demanding the king to leave the throne. The more the prince know about this the more he was stressed. I must keep my sister safe no matter what. Where is she know he asked his servant who was near him. She is getting dressed for some occasion at the moment. What is it I dont know about a ceromany or an occasion. Every detail about it , I want it right now! The Prince was called in by the king. My son look how much you have grown. Father tell me what's going on and exactly what did you do. Is it true that you sold the country to save your self. Aren't you even ashamed of your self father. Aren't a king supposed to fight until the end for it's people. Why are you like this. Any way son tonight you will be married and you will be throned as the new king at the next sunrise. So go now and prepare for the wedding ceremony. What ? A wedding. With whome? Who said that I wanted to get married? And why in the world do I need to get married to accend the throne. Its politics son, you will learn about them later. I said I dont want to. Even if you dont want to you have to do this. So now go. Tell me, with whome am I going to get married? Its Princess Sissy. My sister. I will repeat again she is not your sister. She was your fiancee to begin with. Don't tell me that you dont have any feelings for her and dont tell me that you didnt know she was your biological sister. I knew that but how can I get married to her father why cant you understand that. I said leave this place. No more questions What's wrong with everyone here. I know if I am together with her I will not be able to control my self. I loved her this long but I couldn't confess because she was like a sister to me. Part 3 I was waiting for her to arrive. She was covered in white wail dressed like a swan. She was so beautiful in my view. She wasn't allowed to lift up her wail until she was at the room. We exchange rings and said our woes. It seemed like she didnt know who I was. I lift up her wail until her lips were revealed and kissed her. We were showed our way to where out room was. When I entered it was all in red. Even the candles. Sissy it's me lift your wail up. She was surprised. Brother ! Why are we getting married. We were engaged since we was little that's why we didnt knew that we were supposed to be lovers and I also want to say that I knew this. I love you lot even if you dont accept me. Dont worry brother I knew this too. I knew it was you from the moment you kissed me. I could feel it was you from your touch. So are we supposed to do that tonight. You don't want to I guess. I could see her face changing she was all red. I could see that she wanted it. I carried her to bed and took of her wail. I kissed her like crazy because I wanted to kiss her until we got our tongues entangled. It felt so good. I broke our kiss coming down from her neck upto her collarbone. I took off her dress leading my kiss downwards. We were like two crazy lovers who met after a long while. We were one in a minute. Next morning she was sleeping on my arms I kissed her fore head. I woke up from the knock on the door. I Withought waking her up I wore my pants and went to the door. Prince Ashi you are supposed to get ready for the coronation ceremony now. Sure please lead the way I said while closing the door without making a sound. Part 4 I was not not happy but I wanted this since a long time. The throne to wear the crown. Everything was ready for me. Even the towns men had gathered. Everyone was waiting for the sunrise. To make me even more happy the princess came in dressed in white. The moment she came in the sun started to rise making sunrays touch the peaks of the castle. The moment I sat on the throne with my wife I felt like I had everything. After meeting and talking to the high officials and some towns people. I left to go spend time with my wife. She was a total different person not my sister any more. We were talking in the room having breakfast there without having it with the family. We heard some one scream. I went outside to see what it was. The guards in the hallway had disappeared and it was empty I didnt care much until I felt a gun on my head. Get on your knees now! Who are you guys and why are you here ? Where is the queen? He asked me. You dont have to know that. He tied me up and took me to the hall where the throne was. Up on the throne there was a young man who was wearing the crown. Announce your dethronement now this moment before I kill your queen. Where is she ? I shouted let go of her please. You love her dont you if you dont want to get her killed announce your dethronement now. I took a pen and a paper and wrote in it that the country's new king will be him. She pulled the queen down the stairs. She was unconscious. I took her onto my arms. I will give you one day to flee this country. If I ever hear about you after that day you will be killed on spot. I took her and went out of the castle there were guards who I had never seen before I lead my self to the port with the queen still unconscious on my hands. Near the port there was a familiar face it was our nanny when were both small. She handed us over with a basket and told us to flee to Sri Lanka where we could stay safe for a while. She smiled at me it was a smile that I missed so much I didnt know what happened to my mom or my dad. I thought of going to my queens country but it would risk both of our lives. We flee to an island the people were nice to us. In that basket when I opened it there was enough money and clothing for both of us. After starting our life in Sri Lanka. I heard another great news it was that my queen was pregnant. People was so nice to us. So we could lead a quite life. I always wondered how I lost one of the most precious things to me in one night. If it hadn't been for my fathers deal with those people it wouldn't have happened. We were safe however. Love is the most important thing in the world THE END A story by Stephanie Rasanya


I am a shitty, shitty person. I do not deserve the love that is given to me. I must be morally pure by the standards which I may not always follow, but which I know are right. I cannot be a flake, a stoic, a deadweight, aggressive, passive, angry, hateful, resentful, jaded, or ungrateful. Maybe something back in my childhood, my hatred for my family in Albequerque for basically no good reason..maybe this left me emotionally dead. But perhaps I learned how to leave people's lives so easily when I tried to cold-shoulder Lilly off the face of the Earth. For good reason, I said, and still say. But why was that my reaction to a shitty situation? I always seem to admire those who practice integrity and selflessness and (at least attempted) utilitarianism, yet I perpetually struggle to stay responsible and lay off on the vices and the self-pleasing and the desire for solitude but the hatred of lonesomeness. By the time I stopped talking to my dad, quite abruptly, I had no care for anyone or anything. I lost regard for others and I always tell myself it's too late to apologize to them all now. I've run from everything for so long I can't remember where it all started. Really, I don't want to know. I'm sure I could figure it out if I totally let myself think about it. I've done it with jobs, and activities, and people. I've never seen this trend so clearly before now. Which shows me I'm awful at identifying my own problems. Or at least at working on them. Many people are able to fuck around with their lives and still turn out quite fine. They make plenty of money and never feel like they missed out terribly. I mean I think that many people feel this way. I could be wrong but a lot of folks seem to very easily jump through some hoops which I struggle to even attempt. I let it all pile up so it can all come crashing down, each time more destructive outwards and pitiful inwards. So, as of late I simply see two solutions if I can't handle being the bastard I now truly understand I am. Either I kill myself, which I'd rather not, or I improve.


It shattered. All I wanted was to prepare at least one dinner for myself without assistance, yet all I managed to do was destroy practically everything in the kitchen. My mother used to say that cooking is an art and that an empty pan should be viewed as a blank canvas ready to accept anything and make it into something tasty and beautiful. You can cook whatever you want, and all you have to do is pour some love and passion into it, and the meal will taste wonderful, if not to others, then to yourself. These are the words of someone who cannot cook properly, which may be why she added that final comment. When I saw the sauce smeared across the wall mocking the artistic comparison of my mother, and the food made with edible goods tasting anything but that, I lost any hope and determination I had to pursue cooking as a career – yes, I had thought of it as a plausible career even before I knew what cooking would entail. Didn’t I pour enough love? Or were all of her words merely ineffective motivation? I scowled at the mess I had caused and dejectedly marched out of the kitchen, vowing never to cook again. I'm quite aware that I give up easily. My mother used to chastise me for never putting in enough effort in anything I did. I am a highly ambitious person who wants to do everything – from painting to cooking, singing to athletics – yet all I have accomplished is a continual climb in the meters of irritation. As a youngster, I was a consistent attendee at my vocal classes. Never made any excuses and accepted all of the hard work and failure with grace. But, after a few days, singing had changed from a pleasure to a chore, and all I wanted to do was get away from it all. My resolve crumbled, and I eventually stopped singing. I didn't have time to lament over my lack of singing skill – which I had evidently convinced myself was the reason for abandoning those courses – and instead moved to a new art form. This time, my curiosity lasted a few days longer. It might be because I had an incentive in the shape of my friend, Vivek, entering the badminton academy alongside me. Those were the best days of my life. Day and night practice, food as a treat, and incredible teammates. However, nothing nice lasts forever. I also quit badminton within a month, but for a different reason. I understood badminton was merely a form of entertainment. In this field, I will not become renowned or gain any recognition. I wanted to be famous and well-known, and badminton would not be able to give me that. “Would you like to become a household name? The simplest way is to become an actor.” Vivek suggested, and I clung to that idea. I looked for auditions in far-flung locations, making a list that was much too long, and my resolve to pursue acting was bolstered by my mother's supportive comments.  What an actor you are. Go tidy up your room. I did not even tell her about my new interest but she knew beforehand. That’s why she is a mother and also because she is a female but that’s different. These emotions make a ‘caring’ mother, not someone’s anatomy. One lucky Saturday, I got selected for an audition. “Be polite, hide your dumb self, and…and act well. Everything would be fine.”Vivek delivered such an inspiring motivational talk. My nervousness should have disappeared with such words but I’m not sure why it didn’t. His final words before pushing me into the audition room that turns one into a self-deprecating idiot were, “Good luck”. I stumbled, I tripped, I grinned and I grimaced. There were four judges who looked ever ready to fight me. I wanted to flee and I would have if not for my desire to last at least a day. I stood there, my knees quivering and my hands shivering; it was a frightening situation, but I wanted to show my mother that I don't vacillate between things. I plan to pursue acting, become famous, and earn millions. But all of my hopes came crashing down around me in a matter of seconds. This time, I did not leave performing because of myself. The judges cut me off in the middle of my performance and told me to either enroll in an acting academy or forget the prospect of being an actor. Heartbroken! For days, I cried, then painting appeared like a beam of sunlight in my gloomy world, filling it with light as warm as my favorite jumper. I would hurry in to bring in all of my painting supplies and paint for hours as soon as I woke up. Colors were splattered across the paintings without rhyme or reason. I'd heard that painting whatever comes to the mind produces the finest results. However, my final work always looked as if someone had vomited colors. I didn't let it get to me, and I began taking painting lessons. My teacher was a patient, optimistic man who supported me whenever he could.  “You just have to fine-tune your edges. You will be good within some days.” He would say and pat on my shoulder. Initially, he inspired me to give my best but whatever I made kept on deteriorating, and painting what was customary became a tiresome and monotonous chore. My teacher’s encouraging words slowly morphed into mockery due to my self–esteem issues. All I could believe then was him asking me to be content with what little talent I had in painting and that even trying hard wouldn’t help. And that’s how I left painting too. Whenever I saw a painting hung beautifully on a wall in my house, tears would brim but my mother’s glaring eyes dried all my tears. My mother was fed up with my antics. She would prefer me to be a very naughty, boisterous child instead of being fickle-minded.

“Do you ever learn from your mistakes?” Repeating them over and over. Do not pursue something out of a desire to get wealthy; instead, do it with love and enthusiasm. And then we'll see what heights you can reach.” She stated this as she cupped my face in her gentle, loving hands. I wanted to weep right then and there, but I restrained myself and nodded. This is how I tried my hand at cooking, pouring all of my love into it, but in vain. I got into a fight with my mum. It was her comments that caused me to waste my time with foolish cooking, but instead of admitting responsibility, she began complaining about how easily and quickly I gave up. Is it my fault? Did I fail because of me? “You don't have a plan. Perhaps this is why you bounce from one thing to the next. If someone has a goal, they will go to any length to attain it.” Vivek offered a bit of advice, but it was illogical. I had a goal, an ambition, to be wealthy, to bathe in millions, to have everything at my disposal, and I did all in my power to attain that goal. But none of my ideas backed me up. Is it my fault? I even considered marrying a wealthy woman and living in luxury for the rest of my life, but people scorn house-husbands. I want to be wealthy while also being respected. How can I attain my goal? “Focus on your education, get a desk job, and life settled,” my mother stated sternly as if she intended to bend my will to hers. “And quit being so greedy.”  I am now a first-year economics student but perhaps I can switch to animation? Won’t it be cool?


March 15, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, Red enveloped me today as I set foot in a land I have never known before. Though its contents are a mystery, I feel an excitement and eagerness to explore what gives this place life and interest! Perhaps, after all these years of searching, it will be the place I can call home. The ground beneath my feet is red. A fine-grained texture runs through it. Many thin streams rush by and the liquid that they hold is thick and red as well. Some streams run up a slope while others run down. As I take in my surroundings, I know there is much to learn here, but I cannot dig deeper alone. This journey requires that I have a companion, and the only person who has explored this land is Bridgett Gwynet. Today, I followed Bridgett for just half a mile before we sat down and rested. I was hoping to go further but she claims this place is best explored one small piece at a time. She told me about her family and friends, and I felt quite shy as I tried to politely keep eye contact during our conversation. She has striking blue eyes that are outlined by thick black lashes and whenever her irises catch the sunlight my cheeks flush with color. I enjoyed the stories she told me about her family. I can tell that she misses them. She’s been far away from them for so long, but she has been on a journey to discover new things, and I am honored that she has opened an invitation for me to explore the things she has discovered. March 19, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, This morning, as we were walking along, we came across what appeared to be a smooth red canal. The thick, red liquid that runs through most of this land was rushing through it. As I took notes in my mind of the things I believed made this place so special, I listened to Bridgett share more of her experiences. In an instant, I found a moment to drop a humorous comment in our conversation. Bridgett laughed and looked at me. Her bright blue eyes sparkled. All at once, the liquid that was running through the canal immensely quickened in pace and the ground below my feet started to pulse fiercely. I nearly lost my balance! It was then that I realized there had always been subtle pulses in the ground, I just had not yet noticed them. March 21, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, Each day as I’ve studied these new surroundings I have found myself falling in love – with Bridgett Gwynet that is. She has such a calm aura about her, and she is so sure of her decisions! She is always determined to learn more and excel in what she is learning. I’ve adored her company and hope that our traveling will continue for a longer time. There is a lot more territory to cover! April 16, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, I can no longer hold my tongue. I must tell Bridgett how I feel! Our time together has been short, but she has been so open and willing to guide me along as she explains the intricate details of the atmosphere that surrounds us. She is so skilled in the knowledge of this land. I can tell she has studied it thoroughly and has given her studies much thought. I want to build a home here, and I hope that Bridgett will have an interest in pursuing the dream I’ve contrived.

I will tell her all tomorrow. Truthfully, I am frightened to know her answer. I want her to feel the same feelings I have, but I don't know her mind completely. I do have reason to believe that she has at least some interest in me. After all, yesterday she smiled widely at me as I trekked down a slope, stepping over small streams as I went. Once I reached her, she stretched out a hand and grabbed my own, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. “You made it, Steven! I thought you were going to stumble head first for a second,” she said with a chuckle. I smiled, but said nothing, still dumbfounded by the imprinted sensation her touch had left on my hand. April 17, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, I am numb. Bridgett does not feel the same way I do. I asked her why, but she stumbled in her words and would not give me a clear answer. She told me she thought I was wonderful, though, but I suppose that isn’t enough. A strange awkwardness arose rapidly between us and Bridgett politely concluded that she would not be my guide any longer. She kindly advised me to go no further into this unknown land because I had never explored it on my own before, and without her, it would be nearly impossible to discover the secrets that lay within. I walked away feeling sheepish and stupid. I wish I would’ve never said anything about my affections. But most of all, I wish Bridgett would give me a clearer understanding of her response to them. My curiosity has stirred in me for hours, and I have concluded that I will spend one more day exploring this land before I quit. Though I will not be able to know what direction to go, and I won’t be able to find the hidden places, I will perhaps at least settle my mind by feeling like I have fully finished my exploration. April 18, 1963 Dear Depths of My Heart, I have had a grim conclusion to my expedition. While walking along a section of land, I came across a large formation made up of a soft but firm substance. Three, what appeared to be tunnels, set atop it. I found an opening near the bottom of the odd configuration. My inquisitive nature took over, and I entered. The walls that surrounded me were pulsing in time with the ground. Streaming up them was the peculiar red fluid that I had become so familiar with. I looked at it in awe, wondering how the rushing liquid could defy gravity and run upwards. The sudden sound of someone clearing their throat made me jump. I turned around and saw a man. He was tall, had dark hair, brown eyes, and a chiseled jaw. “Who are you?” I questioned in a surprised tone. “Joey Allbrook. Who are you?” Who am I? The realization sunk into me, making me stumble back. I fell against the rushing liquid. Its current was fierce, and in a moment, I was lifted up from the ground and pulled towards the opening of the tube above me. I looked below and watched Joey Allbrook grow smaller and smaller. Who am I? Well, I can tell you who I’m not. I’m not the keeper of Bridgett Gwynet’s heart. I looked up as I was pushed through the end of the tube. The red liquid engulfed me. My mind whirled. I had to get out or I would drown in the overwhelming torturous turmoil. I collected my thoughts and realized the only way to survive was to accept the truth and make peace with it. “I am not the keeper of Bridgett’s heart. I am not the keeper of Bridgett’s heart.” I repeated this to myself over and over until I believed it and realized I had to live with that factuality. In the moment of what felt like my last breath, I closed my eyes and when I opened them the liquid was gone. I gasped in the air and frantically looked at my surroundings. I was sitting on the bench at the park where I had last seen Bridgett walking with a man named Joey Allbrook.

I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my chest. It was true, even after all my exploration and deep desire to learn all I could about that beautiful blue eyed woman, I could not succeed in making her heart my home. In fact, it was impossible to succeed. Joey already resided in the place I had hoped for. And so, dear depths of my heart, I am back to searching for a place to rest you.