It was 12:36. No, “It was 12:36!” I shouted it, yelling at the top of my lungs because I had no other choice. Because I had lost the man I loved, the one who had been the first true love of my life. And because I was on the verge of losing the only person who, I thought, had been with me, on my side, for my entire life. “It was... How could you know that? I mean, they didn’t say anything about those kinds of details did they?” “Do you want to know how? I know because I looked at my phone right after we hung up. I thought about calling him back, but I didn’t. I didn’t call him back because right at the end of the call I heard a voice, and Elijah said that he had to go. He said he would call me back later, and then he was gone. I never heard his voice again, but I know that at least one person did. August 11, at exactly 12:36 PM. Noah, Elijah, and their mutual friends Marco and James were on a boys weekend in Maine, when a fun bonding weekend turned into a nightmare in a matter of minutes. I almost choked up thinking about the last time that I'd heard his voice, and had to pause to compose myself before I continued. I composed myself, and then looked up, and stared into his eyes. Into the face which I had known for so many years, had gone to crying every night for two weeks after our mother died, and, recently, had begun to hate. “The voice I heard in the background was you, Noah. And don’t even try to deny it because I’ve heard your story so many times that I remember every single detail. I know that Marco and James were out hiking, and that it was just the two of you alone. The first time I heard you say that you had been upstairs listening to music I didn’t even think twice. I guess I was just too shocked to comprehend any of what I was listening to. But then I heard you say it again, and again, and I remembered that phone call. I’ve gone back just to look at the time the call ended, any way to make it make sense. But it doesn’t make sense, does it Noah? You were with him. You were with him and you, you just let him die? You’re a lifeguard, you could have easily done something if you wanted to. But instead you stood there, and called 9-1-1 only after he was already dead. Even now that there’s no way around the truth I still can’t really believe it.” I had been looking at the floor this whole time, but now I looked up. Despite everything, I still had some hope that he would have an explanation, something to make all my doubts go away, so that I could go back to him and let him console me as he had done every other time something had gone wrong in my life. But he only looked back at me, his mouth opening and then closing again, as if he was trying to say something but the words wouldn’t come out. So I continued, “I loved him. I really did. We... on the phone he said that he loved me, and I knew from his voice that there was something wrong, but I decided to ignore it. In that moment, I thought about our future and, well... I believed that we were so perfectly poised to go into the next few years and really start our lives together. I saw us with a family, and I didn’t want to ruin it. I thought that if I just ignored it, I wouldn’t have to worry about it ever again. I thought that Elijah would wake up the next morning and call me, not to talk about anything really, but just to make sure that I was up and feeling ready to go into the day. But he didn’t, and I know that you know why. I tried to believe that you didn’t because I couldn’t afford to lose you too, but...” My voice trailed off as I saw a change in my brother's face. Noah had been matching my gaze, looking at me, I thought, earnestly. But now, the corners of his mouth raised. It was just a twitch, but I noticed it anyway. He glanced down at the floor, and then his dark green eyes met mine, with a new steel about them that I couldn’t recall ever having seen before. “Come on Sarah. I’m sure it was hard. Really. I don’t want you to think that I’m heartless or whatever, but... Have you not noticed what’s happened in your life since then?” He stood up, towering over me as I stayed in the chair, holding his gaze. “You moved out, finally, you started a new job, I mean really almost every part of your life has changed for the better. He was holding you back, and you’re better off now that I....” a pause, as Noah realized that he’d finally said out loud what we’d all known all along. “Now that Elijah’s gone.” That little hint of a smirk again, and finally Noah looked away. I thought I had known my brother. How could I not? I’d lived with him for almost 23 years after all. But I hadn’t, and now, for the first time, I felt truly afraid. In a flash, all of my favorite memories with Noah came back to me. When I was 5, and he was 8, and we went to Disney World for the first time. I still remember the look on his face after he got off of Space Mountain, a mixture of awe and the most pure happiness I had ever seen. I had been devastated that I had been only an inch too short to ride, but his happiness was contagious, and I now remember that day as one of the best of my life. This was also one of the last times our family was complete. Only 2 months later we got the news that my mother had stage 3 lung cancer. And 8 months after that it was just the two of us and our dad, as it would remain until I Noah moved out when he turned 19. Four years later, as I finished elementary school, and Noah was at that age when he came back from school almost every other day with some new note from Ms. Hartman explaining his newest antics in class. He was tough, for sure, or at least that was the aura he and every other seventh grader wanted to present. But when I came home from school crying because I had gotten my first ever C, he sat down with me and consoled me. And then every night until I understood every aspect of adding and subtracting fractions, and the times tables were fully cemented in my head. And when I graduated from college, I remember my brother being the first person to come up to me to congratulate me on receiving my diploma. And he was the first person I wanted to see, because, for my whole life, I had looked up to Noah. After our mother's death, and our father's death while I was a sophomore in college, Noah had become the only family I had left. We got each other through these tough times, and became even closer than we had ever been when we lived together. I never would have told him this, but he was my idol, and I had always tried to emulate him in everything I had done. Elijah and I had already been dating, but he had to wait to congratulate me until after Noah and I had hugged and talked about the ceremony. Of course, thinking back on it now, my memories of that moment take on a far different meaning. Noah had been the first to congratulate me, yes. But he had stepped in front of Elijah, cutting him off as he walked towards me. During the party later that day, when the two of them had disappeared for 15 minutes, and come back separately. But they hadn’t talked to each other for the rest of that night. I realize now that none of my memories with Noah will ever feel the same again, even the purest of memories diluted with the knowledge of what he had done. I looked at my brother, in the present once again, and saw him for who he really was. As I saw him in front of me, I realized that despite all of those great memories, that jealousy which had led to Elijah’s death had always been there. Physically he was still the same Noah that I had grown up with, but in my idolization of him I had missed all the signs, unaware for far too long about how manipulative and abusive he had really been. Standing at 6’ 3”, he had always been a star athlete, and the remnants of his college athlete days were still very clear, as the pulsating veins in his neck and arms divulged the true anger he felt towards me, or probably more accurately towards my now-deceased boyfriend, Elijah. His long black hair was tied up in a bun, revealing his newly-receding hairline, and his eyes, so dark they almost seemed to match the black of his hair, were still staring at me. I saw the anger in his eyes, as well, but there was more. Apprehension, maybe, as if he knew what my next words would be. “Noah, I need you to leave.” “Sarah, maybe I made a mistake. How many times have I been there to help you over the years? Sure, this is more serious but you are going to live a better life now that you’re free from him. I I know you thought that you loved him but it wasn’t going to last. I could see that, and that’s what I told him when we talked earlier in the day. That’s probably why something seemed off on the phone. I told him that he needed to leave you, but he refused. So when the opportunity came to make that happen, I took it. Everything I did was to protect you, so that you didn’t waste the best years of your life in a dead-end relationship. And really, you know that I didn’t actually do anything, I just-” I cut him off there, “That’s right. You did nothing. There was a human in front of you dying, struggling to take his last breaths, and you chose to do nothing. You’re pathetic. And if you weren’t still my brother I wouldn’t just let you walk away, but....” As I spoke to my brother for the last time, I imagined Elijah’s last moments. I pictured him lying on the floor, struggling for his last breaths as the grape which ended his life attempted to make its futile journey down his trachea. And I imagined Noah standing there, watching the life leave Elijah, and feeling satisfied that he would no longer have to worry about someone getting too close to his sister. “But I can’t. I’ll never talk to you again, and you’re lucky that’s all that will happen to you. Because you deserve worse.” And, just like that, without saying another word, my brother turned around and opened the door to my apartment. He looked back one last time, as if he had something more to say, but when he saw my determination he turned back and walked out of my apartment, and out of my life.


I had spent months laughing at her jokes, adoring her take up every hour of my time and enjoying every moment with her. All it took for me to drive her away was a brief look at my past. I watched as she sat there on the station, soaking wet, the rain pouring down on her despite her umbrella. All I could feel as I watched her was a need to help her into my car, dry off and show her again that I loved her. I knew she would never see me again by choice. She knew who I really was and I frightened her. I had never felt so much loneliness before. For someone so close she felt so far away. Reflecting back on my life now she was the best thing that ever happened to me, yet she also caused me more pain than I ever thought I could feel in a lifetime. It scared me how much I could feel for someone I had known for such a short time but it also made so much sense. She was my completion, she calmed me, she understood me and made sense of me, and I her. I can still hear her words from our last fight. She yelled at me for lying, for being someone else someone she didn’t know. She was right about me. Maybe I lied, but it was to protect me, no, protect us from the people who would try to hurt me through her. And I could not let that happen. Her train was pulling up to the station. It groaned forward, an automaton moving on its track. I watched her get up, her beauty never dampened even by the rain and I watched as she went to board the train. The doors opened, and she began to move. She picked up her sodden cases, folded her soaked umbrella and moved towards the train carriage. I started my car engine and prepared for the girl I loved to leave my life forever. The first shot came from the other side of the car park and missed her entirely, burying itself in the train carriage. The second shot tore through her right shoulder, slamming her into the train. I was frozen in horror and could only watch as the third and fourth bullet entered her chest and stomach. The fifth and final bullet hit her in the heart and I swear I could feel her life drain out of her. She slumped against the train, bleeding and broken. Before she hit the ground I got out of my car and sprinted to her. I held her to my chest, she lay there looking into my eyes and quietly whispered to me: “I forgive you”. I held her tighter, now covered in her blood and I made the decision then, to hunt down whoever had done this, and I was going to destroy them. Nothing was going to stop me...   *I wrote this for school and my teacher said it was good.


What do you want?!" She grabbed the collar of my tee shirt and yanked. The fabric burned my neck as she yanked back and forth. "I said what do you want?!" A smack to the back of my head. I felt as if the entire world had turned to look directly at me. I'd froze. Consumed by fear and crippled from the panic setting in. She looked down at me "You're stupid do you know that?" She glanced back to the young girl taking our order and spat out; "He'll have a kids meal, no toy" Again she grabbed my collar and dragged me over to a table in the corner. I climbed up onto the booth and with my hands in my lap stared at the table. I looked through the window and saw children playing in the jungle gym outside the restaurant. I hated them. I wanted them to fall and break their necks. They were happy and they had it easy I thought. Their parents all probably had real jobs at a library or a bank, or as schoolteachers and they probably went on vacations and had family pets. I looked on with anger and disgust. I hated them and I wanted to be one of them all at once. I would never amount to anything. I'd be just like my parents and I knew it. Her voice brought me back to the moment. "What is wrong with you? Why can't you just be normal?" I just stared back. I didn't have an answer. To this day I do not have the answer to this question. You'd think by now after years and years of hearing this same question I'd have an answer, even a made up one. But no, I've been answering the same way since I could speak. "I don't know" I managed to mutter. "Well figure it out, people think you're an idiot." I just stared at her. I felt guilt and shame. I wanted to die. I used to fantasize about some long lost family member coming to rescue me from this life and taking me to live with them where I fit in perfectly. Everyone loved me in these fantasies and they all treated me like a prince. There was always enough food and I had toys and video games to play with. Nobody ever took my game systems to the pawn shop and nobody ever hit me. When I said something even mildly funny people just laughed and laughed. I daydreamed often when I was younger. It was my escape. I often look back and wonder if it weren't for my day dreams what would have become of me, if I'd have been brave enough to take my life or if I'd have just had a nervous breakdown before even becoming a teenager. My fantasies were my safe place and nothing could take them from me. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I finally accepted that nobody was coming and it was just my destiny to be a loser that nobody liked and nobody wanted. From then on I fantasized about dying or being horribly injured instead. I ate my kids meal, I chewed every bite slowly and tried to savor it and remember the flavors. I liked the sour pickles mixing with the sweetness of the ketchup. I silently wondered what toy was supposed to come along with it. I looked around for other kids to maybe catch a glimpse of theirs but it was such a nice day that everyone was sitting outside. Again I watched the children playing and hoped for an accident. I wanted them to fall on their faces and knock their teeth out. I wanted them to fall and become paralyzed; they wouldn't have it so easy then. They'd be miserable like I am. "Why can't I have a toy?" I asked. "You don't deserve a toy, you don't even deserve a kids meal. You are lucky I got you that, any other mother would leave you at the firehouse." I ate silently. The smell of alcohol on her breath was sweet and potent. It mixed with the smell of my food and started to make me nauseous. I kept eating, knowing I'd be punished if I didn't finish. I forced the last few bites down and washed it down with a few gulps of coke. "I'm finished, can I go play?" "No. We're going home." "Please? Just for a minute" "What did I say?" We walked through the parking lot and I stole a few more glances at the children outside playing. I wished the jungle gym would collapse on them. I thought about what it would be like to be them but all I could do was picture myself in their clothes. Their lives seemed so far away from mine. Like they existed in another world or dimension and I could only look on and wonder. I hated them. They had everything. I wanted to be with them; for them to call me over and ask me to play. They never would. And so I hated them and told myself over and over how much I hated them to cope with the fact that I'd never be one of them. We got into her car. A small silver car that smelled like cigarettes and stale beer. The grey carpet was stained with black spots and cigarette burns. The air conditioner didn't work and the Texas heat had converted it to a convection oven. I sat up front and stared out the window as she drove. She drove too fast and she swerved I wasn't scared though I wanted us to crash. I wanted to get injured in a crash and for her to die. Everyone would feel bad for me then. They would come see me in the hospital and say how sorry they were that I'd been hurt and my mother had been killed. They'd bring gifts and food and they'd argue over who would adopt me and who could give me the best life. The car dipped and swerved and the heat inside was thick with moisture, the smell of rotten beer and cigarettes was overpowering. I could still taste the sour pickles and sweet ketchup and the soda that I'd used to force down the last bit of my kids meal. I was sweating. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up" "You're fine we're almost home. Stop being a baby." The vomit was rising into my throat and I swallowed hard to pitch it back down. The car swerved. My sweat dripped. I tasted ketchup and pickles. I heaved and swallowed, this time some of the vomit made it past my esophagus and into my mouth. I swallowed it down. It came back up. This time onto my lap, the floor board, and some sprayed the dashboard. "Jesus H Christ!" She yelled. "What in the fuck is wrong with you?!" I stared at the puddle of vomit on my lap. I knew she was going to hit me. I braced for it. Nothing. "Hello? What the fuck?!" "I told you I felt sick" I said more stern than I'd intended. "You're like a fucking baby do you know that? A stupid baby!" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. They were hot and burned but I didn't want to cry. "That's great, just fucking great!" "You're cleaning this shit up not me!" I rolled down the window. I cupped my hands and I started to scoop the vomit up and tried to throw it out the window. The wind caught most of it and it splattered the side of the car and the window. The tears were coming and I couldn't stop them. My lips trembled and I started to sob. "Wait until the car is stopped you idiot!" She yelled. My sobs came on stronger. "Wahhhh! Wahhhh!" She mocked me. Then it came. The back of her hand struck me in the face. Her knuckles caught me in the bottom lip. I could taste blood. Then I vomited. I was sobbing and choking and my eyes were blurry. I could hardly breathe. She slowed for a red light and continued mocking my sobs. "Wahhh! Wahhh! That's right cry you fucking baby." We were a couple of blocks from the apartment we lived in and all I wanted was to get out of the car. I hated her. I'd heard at school that most car accidents occurred just a few blocks from people's homes. I closed my eyes and wished and wished that we'd get hit by a bus or a semi. No such luck. We pulled into the assigned parking space we had at the apartment complex and I stepped out of the car. She stumbled out. I started walking towards the door to our apartment. "Don't even think about it." She snapped. "You aren't coming inside until that car is clean!" I looked down at my clothes covered in vomit. I was soaked in sweat and my face was burning where she hit me. I stood there awkwardly while she barged into the apartment. She came back a minute later with a bucket and a rag. She threw it at my feet and turned around and disappeared into the apartment again. She said nothing this time. I picked up the bucket and walked to the side of our building where there was a spigot. I filled the bucket almost half way and walked to the car. I started scrubbing the outside of the car first. The vomit had congealed and hardened to the side of the car and I had to scrub hard to get it off. After it was clean I opened the passenger door and started removing the puddle of vomit with my cupped hands again. I just dropped it into a puddle right there in the parking lot. The afternoon sun was beating down on me. My face stopped burning but my lips were fat like I'd been stung by a bee. I was drenched with sweat and the acrid smell of my own vomit burned my nostrils. I finished cleaning the inside of the car just as the sun started setting. I went inside and jumped in the shower with all my clothes on to rinse the vomit off of them. I stripped down in the shower and threw the wet clothing into the sink. After finishing up in the shower I put on fresh clothes and hung the wet ones to dry outside. My mother was snoring on the couch and an almost empty bottle of vodka sat on the coffee table. I knew she'd be asleep for the night. I walked over to her and with my fingers I made a gun, I pointed it at her head and made a shooting motion. I shot her twice with the finger gun to make sure she was dead. I grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a deep pull. It was hot going down my throat and into my stomach. The warm sensation crept from my stomach to the tips of my fingers and toes, it felt good. It permeated my whole being and it was like I could breathe for the first time. I had the sensation of relief I'd come to know and love over the last two years, since I'd stolen a couple of wine coolers from a friends mom. The vodka though was quicker and more intense. Instant relief. As soon as I put my hands on a bottle of liquor I'd found a sense of hope in this world. I remember thinking to myself "why doesn't everyone do this all the time?" And I decided that's exactly what I'd try to do. I took another couple of pulls from the bottle and stole two Marlboro reds from her pack. I went to our front porch and lit the first one. I took long pulls from the cigarette and held them in as long as I could. It seemed to intensify the effects of the vodka that were coming on strong now. I was dizzy and tired but I felt happy. Like the world was ok right now here in this moment. I stared up at the stars and lit the second cigarette. This one I smoked slowly and tried to see which way of smoking it looked cooler. I watched myself in the reflection of the front porch window as I took a drag and blew it out. I tried different ways of holding it and bringing it to my mouth. I squinted my eyes and exhaled large plumes of smoke. When it was gone I went inside and took one last pull of vodka, being careful not to take too much. I stumbled to my room and laid in my bed. I had the spins and I just enjoyed them and wished they'd last forever. As I was falling asleep I thought to myself "just 8 more years of this and I'm out of here" and as that thought crossed my mind I mused that my 10th birthday wasn't so bad after all. I said "happy birthday to me" and still had a smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep.


Hi my name is Mia Smith, and let me tell you my story on how I had worse and greatest Christmas eve. I know it sound confusing, so let me start... I was born with a wealthy family, but I didn't like it that much. My mom and dad always need to go to work so I rarely see them, and my sister never gave attention to me and dissapeared a day before my 5th birthday. I feel like I was invisible to my family. As a part of a wealthy family, my dad once told me, not to be a disgrace to the family and always be at the top. So I worked my ass off, so that my family will be proud and pay attention to me, well that didn't actually work. I was always lonely, I had no one to talk to. It always felt cold. Until she came..... Her name is Anna, after she and her family started working for my dad. It felt warm, it felt pleasing that now there's someone that can talk to, and understand me. But it didn't start off good, Anna was always shy and run away from me. When I was about to give up, she came around and started to open up to me. When we were in 3rd grade we were inseparable. After all the years, both of us changed, the way we styled, talked, and act around people. I started learning how to skate, while she started social media. But ofcourse we needed to hide all the things we loved, because according to my family these things are inappropriate for the family. So we helped each other hide each other's secrets. Anna's content weren't the best but it's bearable. Anna and I only had a year in our high-school life. Anna and I were about to be 18 and start the adulthood. But it all fell apart when my mom and dad had a talk. "You know Mia, you're about to be 18. You need a MAN to take care of you. So as the family planned. You will be choosing between the men we think are right for you, and you'll be set for life" "I--" "Ahh No, you can't go against us. Look at your sister, she manage to be successful like I am." I didn't know how to answer, all my plans fell apart like a cookie. They didn't understand me, and I had no choice, because they were the one who chose my decisions and I had to obey them... My dad introduced me to the "gentlemen" he chose. They're looks were decent, but I didn't imagine that my parents will be the one choosing for me. I always knew that I wasn't free to do what I want. The first guy was Miles, I already knew him when we were 1st grade, his mother transferred him from other school because he had anxiety that caused him not to focus on his studies. He was also bullied by Mason who was my 2nd choice. He always got detention and got addicted to drugs at one point, and then there's Levi my third choice. I haven't met him, but I heard he's a foreign exchange student that is from Germany and now goes to our school. My 4th choice was Liam he was my rival when we were elementary but ofcourse I still didn't lose to him, he obeys his father all the time and my father said that he'll be the next heir of his father's company, let's just say he was kinda a nerd. Last but not the least Patrick, I kinda had a crush on him he was the one who made me feel welcome to the skating group in our neighborhood, he thought me how to skate and everything. The one problem is... right now he's more like a brother to me. My father agreed to have the boys spend one day with me and see how it goes. I'm just gonna say one thing "I hate my life" First things first, I need to talk this through Anna, and then get ready. This will be a busy Christmas... *knock, knock "I have some news for you--" "Yeah I heard..." "If that's the case, can you help me for this past 5 days?" "I guess I can make time..." "Are you sick? You sound sad, You good?" "Yeah, it's no worries" Well thanks to Anna, I managed to be on time. Anyways first day is Liam. This date will be so awkward... "Hey-- Mia, it's been a while huh?" "Yeah it is, so what have you been up to? I heard you'll be the next heir of you father's company" "Yeah after I transferred to another high school, I kinda got tired of obeying my father, and about that company. My brother just died last year, so he had no choice but to put me as his heir. I think you were kind of the reason why I worked hard when we were young. After I left, my grades started to fall and made me a failure" "Oh c'mon don't say that. You were so good back then. I almost didn't catch up to you at History. That subject was not made for me" *both laughs "You know I didn't want this, I was forced to break up with my girlfriend, but I'm not saying your bad or anything. It's just--" "--Hard to move on, don't worry it's just like the movies. The rich kid's force marriage" "Yeah I guess so... Can I take you somewhere" "Why not, our day is almost over anyways." After we talked about our past, he brought me to our favorite amusement park when we were little. We ate tons of corn dogs, we rode some rides. Overall he was a great guy except the fact that he mentioned his ex... But behind all thos rivalries we had, he's great. My second date was Mason, up until now he was still scary. His build was huge and and he chose a pub to date. At first we galked about him having an addiction, and he also talked about him being 1 year sober. After I had that date with Mason he really change. He was life those big man that would just cuddle you. He was soft and was not that moody like I expected. I guess this wasn't bad after all. There was uncomfortable moments but he sure is huggable. My third date was Miles. He didn't change, he was timid like usual. It made me go back to the days . It was a decent date. But I didn't expect him to say this... "Hey, I think I feel more comfortable around you, I don't feel timid like I used to. But I like men... I know this was awkward but I consider you as a friend, and I also like a guy." "Awww Miles, I'm so happy for you. Honestly I didn't expect that but do tell. Who is this guy..." "Well, you probably know him. It's Levi..." "Whoa! That is amazing! Not because like I don't like Levi or anything. But I'm proud of you. You're so brave not to hide these things from me. I hope it goes well on your side." "Thank you Mia" Well I didn't expect that. I'm not hurt, I feel happy but unexpected. I might even try to help him... -Next day- Let's just act normal. Don't worry Miles, I ain't gonna steal your man. I'm not here to ruin a perfect love story. "Hey! What's up?" "Oh, Hi! Umm take a seat" "So... let me just say that you probably don't like me intimately right?" "What?! No it's not like that" "At the first day of us meeting, your eyes keeps wondering around Miles..." "We're just school mates, nothing else." "..." "Fine, yes I am in love with him. He's just like an angel. He's perfect inside and out, and I'm sorry this was all my father's plan or else he'll disown me, so I agreed to this" "Levi, your life is all yours don't let anyone drive it for you. Be honest with yourself. I'll even support you guys. Anyways this was a good talk. Hope you the best of luck Levi" "Good bye, Mia" Did I just made history? I hope they'll end up together... -Next day- Last day, FINALLY! I guess it's time for Patrick. Well he told me to go to our skaye park. So I guess this will be a casual one... "MIA! You're finally here! Well welcome to our date..." "A skate date? Pretty casual, I like it" "I knew you'd like it, I spent a LOT of time for this" "Haha, pretty funny. I didn't imagine us having a date, but I guess you like planning dates" "*laughs. Yeah-- You know I wanna tell you something--" "MIAAAAA!!" "Wtf? What are you doing here Anna?" "I wanted to talk to you" *looks at Patrick "in PRIVATE" "Oh, umm yeah sure. She's all yours" I was having a good time with him though... "Mia, I want to tell you something--" "Before you tell yours, I think I made my decision" "What?! So all of my chasing was all a waste..." "What do you mean?" "I-I LIKE YOU MIA!" "You-you like me? That's not possible Anna, we've been friends for so long. It's just not possible..." "Yeah we've been friends, but I guess you didn't notice all the effort I've done to tell you it, huh? "I'm sorry Anna, but it's just not possible. You were like a twin, a sister to me. It doesn't make sense, but I'm sorry Anna but it isn't mutual" "Well, I'm leaving tomorrow night to LA. So I rushed here to tell that to you, I hope you the best of luck." "Good bye Mia, and Merry Christmas" It just didn't make sense, my best friend was leaving and liked me?? It was just too sudden. It was all unexpected. I excused myself to Pat. It was the worse. I felt so defeated. My Christmas was ruined... All of a sudden all the boys texted me to meet them in a place, and the most surprising my sister came home. She acted so differently, she was so happy. Anyways I still can't forget what happened last night, and I still needed to prepare for Christmas eve and for the boys. I met up with Mason first. He invited me for a bike ride. We arrived at the beach, and out of nowhere he said... "Mia, I know I have done shitty things. But I like you. It was totally different when I left. So I'm gonna ask one question. Can you be my parter in crime for the rest of our lives?" "I-I. Mason you're such a great guy. But I've known you for a long time. That I treat you like a brother. I'm sorry but I don't feel anything when I'm around you" I was so foolish, I had to hurt his feeling and love to me. He's more like a brother that a lover to me... I met Liam second. The area we needed to meet was so crowded, it seemed like there was a concert or something, as I walked closer I saw a sign saying "Will you be my Girlfriend?" Wtf is this?... "Mia! You're here, umm it's all of a sudden but... will you be my girlfriend?" Like what am I supposed to say, I'm in a state of shock. I don't know what to do. I just don't want to hurt him. "Liam, I'm sorry. You're such a great guy but I know you still like your ex. I think it's better to talk things out between you. I can't give you the happiness and love you received from her. I'm sorry but I need to go" Wtf just happened, as I walk away I feel so much worse. Why did I need to do this. After that I started to go to the next one. It was Miles. I hope it isn't another proposal. As I walk towards him, I noticed and felt that someone was watching us. "Hi Mia, I changed my mind. I actually don't like Levi. When I talked to you it all felt different. I like you and I hope I spend the rest of my life with you..." He's definitely lying. I noticed that he was nervous and the major problem I saw a bruise in his arm. It seemed like he was forced to do this. If I talk there could be a mic up him. I should be cautious. I checked his body and as expected there was a mic, I disconnected it and talked to him. "Run, I'll take care thing here. I'll contact you to where Levi is." "But-- you'll be in trou-" "Just run they're gonna be here any second. Run as fast as you can. I'll contact you as soon as possible" "Thank you..." "Fuck, they escaped. Search through out the area. Report at once if you found him!" Well I just got my ass on trouble. Luckily I'm about to meet Levi soon. -Later- There he is, Miles is still safe. I hope he'll have time. Well I hope this works out. I told him to book a flight so they could get away out of country. "Mia! Here, here. I jus want to tell you that thank you, but I found that you're really who I am finding, Mia I like you and I can't live without you" "Stop the bullshit and meet Miles in the airport." "What do you mean? and how did you know?" "Just shut up and get the hell out of here. You found the right one, you don't have much time" "I really owe you a lot..." I really am in trouble now. What the fuck is wrong today. I got proposed 4 times?!! I just can't with my life right now... Patrick asked me to meet him at our favorite skate park. As I arrived, I saw all myfriends and the skating community. Patrick wore something nice. It was perfect. "So, you might be surprised that all of our friends are here, and I wore something decent. But Mia, I've liked you sice you joined and started skating. I was just so coward to tell you how I felt, but I won't be the coward self right now. Mia Smith, I Patrick Morrison would love and care you, and I'm asking you to be my girlfriend... will you be my girlfriend?" Out of tiredness, I saw a glimpse of the moments I had with Anna, and at that moment. I realized that I'm making a fool out of myself. I've helped so many people but I didn't even payed attention to myself. Ofcourse I like Patrick, but I guess it was a different king of Love. While with Anna, I was happy. I remembered what I said to Levi "it's your own life, don't let other drive it for you" while I'm here not following my heart... "Pat, I'm sorry. But the kind of love that you received from me was not the girlfriend, boyfriend love. You were like a brother to me. I'm sorry Pat. But I don't feel the same.." I hurriedly went back home. Thinking in my room, what I've done... All of a sudden my sister knocked the door. This was the first time me and my sister had a conversation. "Hi Mia, so I heard the guys proposed. Who did you pick?" "None..." "I'm sorry Mia, all over the years I didn't become the best sister you had. But let me tell you why I'm here right now. I was at your age when dad and mom brought 5 guys. I had to pick somebody, it was like a multiple choice test on my finals. But there's always this one choice it's called None of the Above, but dad stopped me and made his choice for me. After a year I divorced him, and went to my true love, dad and mom admitted they were wrong and apologized. So here we are, I'm happy right now and I managed to talk to you for the first time" "So you're saying, you broke the barrier againts mom and dad?" "Yep, I guess you could say that. Mia I know there's someone who's is your heart right now. Maybe there's still time" I looked at the clock and hurriedly went to the airport. I asked all around shouted her name over and over, and somehow she heard it... "Hey, you're gonna embarrass yourself" I ran toward her like a dog who haven't met his owner for years. I teared up hugging her. "I'm sorry, I was late to realize that you were always there for me" "It's okay, somehow we missed our flight so we decided to stay for a little more" "I've been proposed 5 times today, so maybe I should do it too. Anna, will you be my girlfriend?" "Yes-- looks like we might've got you parent's blessings" "I'm sorry honey, don't worry we will support you whatever decision you made" "C'mon GROUP HUG!" After all of that, we came back home and enjoyed Christmas. Oh and let me give you updates on the boys. Levi and Miles got their blessings but it was a tough road. Liam got back together with his ex and moved to Hawaii. Mason is now studying to become a therapist. Patrick found his true love in the skate park of course. Last but not the least, I'm still together with my Anna having the best Christmas of our lives. -You see now how it was the worst year?, and yes this is The End-


Eva gazed through the window, looking at the Sun and so did I. Sunrise was always ‘our thing’, something that we could bond upon. We would wake up at 5 am just to see the rising sun. Sunrises were something I was grateful for, it made me realize that every dark phase is accompanied by beaming positivity. It’s a cycle, maybe the cycle of life. You do not want the night to stay forever neither do you expect the day, the light, to be forever. Eva was just like a sunny day, positive and cheerful, but the only difference was this day did not come to an end. She made me look at life with a different perspective, she taught me to be happy, to live life to the fullest. Eva and I met in school; we lived in the same street, so we were good friends. I was a shy and reserved boy whereas she was out spoken and an extrovert. Although I was the older one, it was she who would boss around. I liked to be with her, listen to her blabbering and talking to her. She made me feel good about myself. We used to walk from our home to school and school to home. While returning we would share all the sweetmeats and fries that we had saved up for each other from lunch time. I always felt connected towards her although, we were poles apart. A part of it was because; I came from a family, where I received no love. My parents died in an accident, just a few months after I was born. I was then given shelter by my uncle and aunt. They never talked to me, but when they did, they made sure that I knew, how big of a burden I was for them. Students at school wanted to humiliate me, as I was a shy kid. Sometimes it was just too much and that was when Eva consoled me. As we started to mature, her talks started to include me and, her. She talked about us. I knew, I loved her but couldn’t convey that to her in words. But once when I said that felt lonely. And she said, “Noah, why would you be alone? I love you so much and I will always be with you.” That was the happiest day of my life. As we passed out from school, we thought to marry. But her parents did not approve of our union and locked Eva in her room. I was devastated. Even my uncle and aunt did not approve of our marriage and kicked me out of the house. I and Eva kept in touch through our cell phones. And one day we thought to elope together. That night we reunited and ran away far from our village to a city nearby. Helpless we took shelter at an old age home. After a lot of struggle, Eva got the job of a junior teacher at school and we rented a small apartment. I then started to prepare for civil services examination. I felt guilty for sitting idle at home. So one day asked Eva, “I am sorry Eva, I couldn’t provide you with anything I promised. I know you are unhappy, but bear with me a few days.” Eva replied, “Bear? Why should I bear with you, I will live with you. And why do you think I am unhappy? I am working and so are you. You are preparing for the examinations and also looking after the house. You are doing so much for us. And, believe me; being with you is as good as being happy.” After two years of hard work, I was finally ready to give the exams. I anticipated the results, but Eva gave me hope and said, “Noah, don’t worry, you would clear the examination with flying colors. I know you had put all your efforts in the preparations.” And I did pass with flying colors. When the results were announced Eva broke down. It was the happiest day of our lives. With tears in her eyes, Eva hugged me and said, “Noah, let’s celebrate your win” and broke down completely in my arms, I too let my tears roll down my cheeks. Our life became a living fairly tale. After getting the job, we rented a bigger house. Eva and I decorated the house with zest. We had knitted all our dreams in and around those four walls. But unlike all fairytales, our life didn’t end on the ‘happily ever after’ note. For my work I had to travel a lot and had to frequently go on tours. At those Eva would say, “Bring me something beautiful, when you return.” She loved bangles and I would buy all sorts of bangles for her. But once when I was on a work trip, I received a call from Eva. I picked up and an excited Eva started talking, “Hello Noah! You know, today mom called after so many years. I talked her for hours. And we cried a little too.” Although I could not see her through the cell phone but I knew that she still had tears in her eyes. She said, “I want to spend some time with them, so I have booked bus tickets for our village.” I was happy too, until a thought crossed my mind. What if her parents don’t allow her to come back, what if they persuade her to divorce me? I was baffled at the thought of losing her. She was the love of my life, my support system and the backbone of my life. I warned her to not visit her parents. But she did not listen to me. I was tensed. For the next two days I did not answer her calls or texts. I was upset. But who knew this would be the last time I would listen to her voice. By the time I returned my city, I was happy. But uncertainty was still there, I did not know if I would meet Eva or not. As I reached home my greatest fears had come true. I expected her to be back by my return and that is what she told me but Eva was nowhere to be seen. But then my cell phone started to ring. It was an unknown number. I picked it up and the person at the other end said something that I had never ever imagined even in my worst dreams. The person was from a local hospital and he said, “Excuse me sir! Are you Eva Duke’s husband? I am sorry to inform you that her life is in danger. The bus she was travelling in met with an accident. And she is seriously injured. Could you please come down to identify her?” I was dumbfounded or was I numb? I certainly did not know how to react. My lips quivered for a bit and I cried my heart out. I could see my happy life falling apart. I rushed down to the hospital immediately. There were a lot of patients, maybe from the same bus. But my eyes were searching Eva. After a lot of struggle, I found her lying in a bed, motionless. My heart skipped a beat. There was an inner turmoil going on within me. I just couldn’t believe what was happening around me. One moment I am happy and the other I’m sad, I feel like tearing apart. Life has been unfair to me, and it’s still being the same. Seeing Eva in the hospital bed, among thousands of wires and machines made me feel sick. I felt helpless. Days passed and turned into months, Eva did not recover. She was in coma for six months. I was told that, she cannot hear me, but I knew she could listen to me. And so I talked to her every day. While coming back from office, I would visit Eva in the hospital and stay there for hours until the visiting hours were over. But going to home meant depressing me. I couldn’t face the reality. It was hard for me to live in a house where Eva and I had created our dreams. It had been five years now, Eva was still in coma. Now, I had started visiting Eva even more. I was told by the doctors to be ready anytime, for any bad news. The doctor said, “Mr. Noah, I don’t know how to convey this to you, but you need to be ready anytime for a bad news. I know how is it to lose a loved one, but now nothing’s in our hands. We think, we should take her off the ventilator. She’s is not responding to the treatment. And it’s been 5 years. We really don’t have any hope.” I was furious and answered back, “How would you know the pain of losing your one and only family member.”I was breathless. The doctor tried to console me, but I pushed him away. That night I didn’t leave Eva for even a moment. I talked to her about our olden times in school. It was a one sided conversation, but it didn’t matter, as far as I was with her. Eventually, I fell asleep. And when I woke up, I saw Eva sitting upright. She looked at me once and giggled. The sun was rising and we were again gazing at it, again. She looked at me once and said, “Noah, you remember I once told you that I wanted to travel to the sun?” “Yes.” I replied back. “I think now is the time. I will now travel to the Sun.” “I also want to come with you. Don’t leave me alone here.” “No, Noah. Don’t you know, you can’t come with me? You will come, when you are destined. Now set me free Noah, set me free.” “Yes Eva, I do want to set you free but promise me that you will always wait for me, won’t you?” “Yes I would, wait for you, forever.” With that she flew away. Suddenly, I heard some noise and opened my eyes. I saw Eva, still lying in bed, motionless. I had just dreamt of her. But the noise was still there. I turned my heads to face the screen, Eva’s heartbeat went up and down and then all of a sudden, the crooked lines ceased into a straight line. Eva was dead. She had gone, because I let her go. I had set her free. And I know she will be waiting for me, forever and ever. Now that I write this sitting across a lake, seeing the moon reflecting itself, I know that Eva has gone and I would never have another person to bond over sunrise.


So I’m writing a short story about PTSD in children and was hoping to get some feedback and critique? Like am I doing it... okay? Is it offensive or not, important things I should add or remove etc... thank you for those who end up reading it 💕 The story starts off with a little boy who’s shown to have a toy horse imaginary friend named tumbleweed who’s his best friend, he’s eat with him and play his favourite game, (cowboys). it turns out that tumbleweed is just his stuffed toy that he holds close but he sees tumbleweed as a walking talking thinking being who’s always by his side. It’s the start of a new school year and the little boy is very nervous to go back to school so he keeps his friend close by, he’s shy and doesn’t interact much with other students but a group of kids take interest in him and invite him to play at recess, at first his imaginary friend tries to stop him from playing with other kids so the little boy is hesitant but he decides to play after the kids suggest playing cowboys, he stuffs tumbleweed in his backpack and head outside. after a little while it seems he’s enjoying himself but then one of the kids trip over the boy’s backpack and the boys stuffed toy is revealed. The kids question the toy and start to poke fun at the boy for still having a stuffed animal for babies, the little boy tries to get his toy back but the other kids push him back, the boy panics, he doesn’t see just his favourite toy being taken away but his imaginary friend calling for help as he’s being tossed around. The little boy snaps and hits the kid and tumble weed falls to the ground, the other kid begins to cry and all the other children start to stare and whisper. The little boy grabs tumbleweed and runs away in a panic. His school day is cut short as the teacher calls in his parents and he’s taken home. The parents worry about their child, sharing glances and such. at night as the boy sleeps with tumbleweed close to him the parents argue about taking him to the doctor now or wait for their already set appointment for next week. The boy sleeps and he begins to get night terrors, flashes of a playground, a car horn is ringing in the background. A little boy running around and tumbleweed getting hit by a car. The little boy gets up with a start and begins to sob loudly alerting the parents who come to comfort him, they both nod and decide that going to the doctor now is probably best. The next day the boy and his parents go to the doctors (therapist). After his session the boy sits in one of the waiting rooms as his parents talk to the doctor. The boy holds on to tumbleweed and tumbleweed reassured him that everything will be okay and he apologizes for getting in the way again. The little boy smiles and tells tumbleweed that he’s still going to be his best friend no matter what. While the little boy talks with his imaginary friend , the parents discuss their worries about sending their child to school again after the events that day. The doctor reveals how for a young boy his age, going through the trauma of seeing his friend die from a car collision is going to take a long time to recover and that it’s best that he continues to interact with normal activities like school if they want things to get better. At this point the audience learns that tumbleweed is the imaginary embodiment of the boy’s best friend who he lost and uses him as a kind of coping method. After the session the parents leave the doctors and they go to the classmates house who the little boy hit. The parents stay for lunch and the little boy apologizes for hitting him. The two begin to get friendly and the other boy even takes interest in tumbleweed and they both start to become friends. The little boy even leaves tumbleweed in his bag when the other boy suggests going to his room to play video games. Epilogue: Fast for award quiet a few years and we see the little boy grown up, he’s emptying his room as he packs for college. He’s almost done when he spots tumbleweed sitting by his nightstand, it’s still apparent that after all those years tumbleweed has still been close to the boy even if he stopped seeing him as an imaginary friend or stopped playing with him entirely, he always sat next to his bed stand comforting him. The boy picks up his toy and looks at his suitcase, hesitant on if he should bring him or not. Cut to the car and the boy is loading his luggage, his friend ( the boy he hit when he was young) at the steering wheel waiting to get going. The boy kisses his parents good bye and the two friends head on their way to a new start in their life. The boy’s friend asks is he forgot anything. The boy shakes his head and says he’s set, cut to the packed luggage in the back and we see a little stuffed arm poking out from the side.


Once I read that 100 years ago, when war and famine still filled Africa, when corruption and oppression still ruled Asia, when death and past mistakes still haunted Europe, when ignorance and ego still tried to take hold of Oceania and culture and opinions were shunned in America. There was one thing that kept humans together. That was, the constant search of happiness. It was the reason to live and die, the motor that moved every person to work together and how they came to build a dysfunctional society. This journey never could be finished, because for them, happiness was a consequence of pain, it wasn’t a constant but a fleeting moment. Then, the greatest minds of their time came together with one objective: Make all people happy.Scientists started to look for ways to artificially recreate the feeling of joy, accompanied by intellectuals who explained human existence in this new way of thinking and billionaires who financed the research. After years of theories, equations and sleepless nights the answer was found in a vaccine that would change the world forever. Today, the same day a child is born they are vaccinated and wished good luck in their happy life. We have never known of violence or war, we aren’t oppressed and we respect all kinds of thinking. Nobody harms others and the only cries are of laughter, we are something our ancestors could never be: full. I have always been fascinated by the past, I feel excited reading about the wars and problems that filled people's lives. I thank those great minds that saved me from those horrible things and I am filled with joy knowing my luck. I am who I wanted to be as a child, all my dreams came true and everyone around me was, well, happy. Of course, not all is perfect, the years that were used to make the happiness vaccine could have been used to find the cure to cure cancer. And the money that was used for the research could have been used for those dying children who didn’t have anything to eat. Still, sickness and hunger can’t bring us down. Death is natural, and nature is good, so we just let things flow. And I hated it, I hated my selfish society. And when I felt hate, believing I was freed from happiness, I laughed with joy. I became utterly confused, why, if I am feeling a negative emotion am I so happy at the same time? Am I turning crazy? I laughed as fear filled my body and I felt excited seeing the tears fall from my eyes. I couldn’t talk to no one, just like people felt long ago, I felt alone and it was thrilling. I looked up on the computer what made people sad and the first thing that appeared was loss. Loss, I have lost things! I have lost people! My teddy bear when I was six, well it could be in better hands with a loving owner. The death of my mother when I was sixteen, but she must be so happy in heaven. My girlfriend who cheated on me when I was eighteen, I loved her and wanted the best for her. My dog that was run over when I was twenty-two, still he was old and needed some relief. My job when I was thirty, someone would enjoy it more that I did Loss didn’t work, so I tried with envy. The rich kid at school that had those designer shoes I wanted so much, he was a good guy and his parents worked a lot. My sister when she went to the beach with my parents, but without me, she needed some relief and I danced around the house all day while they weren’t there. That didn’t work either, how could I make myself feel pain? And that’s when I realized it, bad emotions made me happy. I felt fulfilled, there was no solution. I sat on my couch and grabbed a beer while I thought about my life. It was not perfect, but perfection didn’t matter, I lost things, I tripped and fell, but I stood up and laughed. Everyone was kind, everyone helped me, nobody consoled me when bad things happened because we didn’t feel them. We didn’t flow but floated. We weren’t like rivers who carry the water until it finds its end. In the end, we received the water from hundreds and hundreds of years ago and just stayed there. If I was a character in one of my favorite novels I would call it boring, but I felt thrilled every time I discovered something new. I was happy to be alive and happy to someday die. So I found the answer to my quest, if I could not go to the river I would become it. I wrote a little note and saved it in my jacket, started to grab my keys when I decided to just leave them there. Smiling and waving at the people passing by I walked until it became dark and went to the bridge that connected the city to the highway. I took my jacket off, folding it carefully and setting a stone over it so it wouldn’t fly away. It was a pretty stone I thought as I sat in the rail that kept me from falling. I looked at my watch and smiled when a cop car stopped. The policeman came close to me and I just pointed to my jacket as I threw myself from the bridge. I felt thrilled as my heart stopped and my last thought was that little note that I wished would change the world. And how the policeman would react when reading those words. “I am killing myself today because our world is a wonderful place. Cry thinking of me, tremble thinking how I am burning in hell. You are all horrible and I hope you curse me when you throw yourself from this same bridge. I wish you the worst and let me tell you this last thing: I never wanted anything that happened to me and neither did you, puppets of the world.”


From a distance it was a small flickering light in a vast sea of darkness. Invisible to the naked eye, being dwarfed by the other, much stronger, lights surrounding it. Alone and isolated, something that no human was ever meant to see, but humanity has a way of looking past what they can see to see what could be. What could be took time and innovation, four years of meticulous calculation and numerous simulations to establish a base of operations on the frozen over sphere known as Europa, one of Jupiter's many moons, and that was after six long years of space travel. Now, the donut shaped base rested on the ice fields of the moon, a marvel in modern technology able to tend to itself using radiation from Jupiter to fuel its various functions. Its purpose; to explore the vast oceans hidden under the ice. Population; one. Cedric took a few long deep breaths; feeling the weight of hundreds of peoples life work, of ingenious technological advancements and of years of his own isolation all riding on these next few hours. He sat watching the bright holographic screens displaying the progress of the drill, which was only minutes away from reaching the under-ice water miles below. The drill had been running for days, vibrating the entire base causing him to miss many of his scheduled hours of sleep. Sleep that already came hard due to his odd dreams, dreams that he blamed on the growing anticipation of discovery. As the last few moments of drilling came to pass, Cedric watched with bated breath and whispered to himself. "How much does a polar bear weigh?" The hologram display showed the drill finally piercing the last bit of ice. He held his breath as the vibrating stopped and was replaced by the creaking of metal under stress that echoed through the bases corridors. The expected creaking rose and sank like the melodic droning of a deep throated and screeching chorus, but Cedric could not help but to hear the eerie call of a voice within those metallic groans and screams. Isolation will make someone try to find humanity in the most inhuman of places. Cedric thought to himself as he looked about the metallic walls as if to follow the sounds with his eyes. Cedric knew the compound was built to accommodate for the pressure change due to the exposed ocean bellow but it did not stop him from imagining a pressure valve exploding causing the base to implode on itself with him in it. Cedric let out a sigh of relief as the creaking settled. "Enough to break the ice." He answered himself, joking to break the tension within himself. It was important to keep in good humor during his isolation. He had spent years training for this mission but no mater how much training you have, nothing prepares you for spending so long on your own. He had no family to long to return to and had dedicated his life to being the first person to explore Europa, he still felt the longing of social interaction that he knew was engrained in the very essence of being human. Cedric double and triple checked everything on the monitors to ensure the tunnel was stable and the drill was retracting without incident. Everything was working wonderfully, probably the first time something didn't go wrong this entire expedition. He began the next phase, punching instructions into the computer to replace the drill with a deployable submarine that was designed to survive anything the cosmos could throw at it. The sound of metal moving metal clanged through the base let Cedric know the transference was in progress. He got up from his seat realizing that he could still feel the vibrating from the drill in his bones even though the drill was no longer running. The excitement of discovery bubbled through his stomach, quickening his steps. He moved quicker to prepare a specially designed suit that was designed to protect him from temperature, radiation and even the crushing pressure of the deepest oceans. The suit took nearly an hour to don and secure, a combination of his own hands and mechanical arms strapping the suit to his body. He was prepared long before the submarine was so he took a few moments outside of the subs hatch to compose himself. Cedric leaned against the cold steel walls of his enclosure and closed his eyes breathing deeply, allowing his thoughts to retreat into his mind. Sleep had not come easy to him the past few weeks. He blamed it on the every approaching climax of his journey but he could not help but feel there was something else tugging at his mind. Something calling out to him in his dreams. He would be standing out on the frozen fields of Europa, no suit, exposed to the elements but feeling no discomfort. He would look up at the skyless void above him and see nothing; no stars, no sun, not even the all encompassing mass that was Jupiter. A glow would come from below and as he looked down he would see an infinite cosmic mass of blue lights swirling just below the surface of the ice, calling to him. The swirling lights pulled at that deep instinctual feeling of communion that he had been denied these past ten years, putting stress on his training to handle such pressures. Cedric jerked awake, still leaning against the wall in front of the hatch to the submarine that was now prepared for him to enter. He shuffled anxiously like he just got caught cheating on a test at school. He calmed himself, Keep yourself together man, he thought to himself. His thoughts raced knowing that he would be taking a huge risk if he was truly this tired, but refused to delay his role in history. He opened the hatch to reveal the surprisingly cramped space that was the interior of the submarine. Anyone who wasn't trained would have refused to enter such a cramped space, it was so tight that one would have to lay down in the submarine giving only enough space to move his arms and head in order to operate the various switches, buttons and holographic screens inside. He lay in the enclosed space and reviewed some of the displayed hologram screens to ensure that all systems were working. Everything was perfect. With the push of a button the hatch closed behind him and the submarine began descending down the vertical ice shaft, being lowered by the same arm the drill had previously been attached to. Cedric turned the submarines forward facing lights on to reveal the ice wall in front of him that had been carved out by the drill. The decent took longer then he would have liked, every minute seeming to stretch on for hours with only the carved ice wall to look at through the specially produced translucent metal like material that made up the front of the submarine, giving him a very wide view at what was surrounding him. His mind was spinning with the wonders that he could find; natural underwater structures, chemical reactions not seen on earth or the crown jewel of discovery, alien life. Finally the ice wall gave way with the gurgling of the lightless liquid void swallowing the submarine. Cedric flipped all the lights on, seeing the rays shooting through the liquid but making no purchase on anything. He looked down through the metallic glass and could not help but to draw a connection between the dark waters below and the starless void of his recurring dream. He looked up at the ice ceiling expecting to see the swirling cosmic lights of his dream and was surprised at his disappointment when he didn't see them. Despite his training, he struggled to suppress an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He did his best to focus on the task at hand, he pressed a few buttons to turn on a hologram of his surroundings. A radar, that displayed itself to his right, that would show any obstacles within a few hundred feet. Running his fingers through practiced motions he ran diagnostics to ensure the sub was working, all while having the sub run samples on the surrounding liquid. The test came back and Cedrics emotions were stolen by awe. It was fascinating. The liquid was water but there was so much more mixed in with it; minerals and chemicals galore, like a soup of everything found on earth and more. It was too much for Cedric to look through while in this enclosed space, which he was thankful that all the data he would be collecting would be recorded in the bases computers for him to review and send back to earth. With the diagnostics passing with flying colors the moment of truth had come, it was time to release the sub, and himself, into the unknown. One last check to make sure the rudders and back up systems worked so he would not end up stranded in the middle of this alien ocean. Perfection. He smiled, the suspense of discover cascaded through him, and pressed the button to release the sub. With a lurch the sub separated and, with a gentle push of the steering handles, the sub pressed forward into the darkness. Cedric pushed the sub in a cautious circle around the drill sight, checking all systems, just as he had been trained to do. When he was satisfied with the results he slowly began taking the submarine deeper, making large circles to cork screw his way down into the depths. Nearly an hour of this slow decent had passed with no change, the ice sheet above had disappeared out of the holographic sonars range long ago with no new obstacles coming into view. Cedric breathed easily, staying calm and vigilant for any change in the mechanics of the submarine. Now would not be the time for something to go wrong. He thought to himself. Even in his controlled silence, Cedrics mind raced. This is what he had spent his life working towards, being the first to explore Europa was a dream come true and the water sample alone was a massive step in the understanding of this planet and the universe they lived in. He looked from side to side, up and down looking for anything in the void. He could only imagine what could be found in these waters, he found himself captivated by his own imagination threatening to distract him from the displays that his life depended on. Miles below the drill site the sub stopped without warning causing Cedrics heart to skip a beat. He furrowed his brow looking about the screens and holographic displays to try to discern what had caused the sudden stop. The sub was meeting resistance, restricting the movement of its rudders and other mobile functions. Cedric turned the motors off and began running diagnostic tests and another sample test on the waters to try to find any answers. Moments latter an error displayed itself on the sample testing screen that read 'ERROR: UNABLE TO EXTRACT SAMPLE'. This puzzled Cedric, the pressure here alone should push the surrounding water into the sample tube with ease. Cedrics thoughts were interrupted as he felt the submarine gently tilt to the left. He instinctually grabbed the handles to try to control the movements but remembered that the motors were still off meaning something outside of the sub caused the movement. Maybe there is a current. He thought to himself but then the sub lurched, this time to the right, and the holograms and screens all fizzed as if being interrupted by static. The submarine lights blinked and struggled to stay on and in the darkness Cedric saw the speck of another light, small and distant. This captured Cedrics attention away from the struggles of his submarine, curiosity overcame him and he turned the lights, screens and holograms off plunging himself into darkness. A small pale blue speck of light pierced that darkness, like a single star in a starless night sky. Cedric could only stare, speechless. Is it a chemical reaction of some kind? Some kind of bioluminescent creature? The possibilities ran through his mind. Cedric slowly, keeping his eye on the blue light, turned the holographic display of the sonar on. In the same moment that the holograms light filled the space the small blue speck disappeared. He raised an eye brow and scanned the sonar where the light had been coming from expecting to see a source but found nothing. He turned the sonar hologram display off and audibly gasped as his entire view was encompassed by swirling and spinning gentle blue lights of various sizes and moving at different speeds. It was as if the lights themselves were dancing in a chaotic, unorganized mass. It was beautiful and captivating, almost hypnotic, taking up ever ounce of Cedrics awareness. He found himself lost in the visual effects of these lights and could almost hear the music they seemed to dance to. The swirling lights reminded Cedric of the cosmic mass he had seen in his dreams. A tear fell from his eye, he could not help but feel a connection to these lights. A buzzing sense of wonder washed over him mixed with a relief, as if an unknown thirst had just been quenched. He felt an instinctual need within himself being fulfilled just by looking at these mesmerizing lights. He had to steal himself to turn his attention back to the sub, but just as he did all of the lights stopped moving. Cedric paused at the change and watch carefully, ready to react, uncomfortable with the change of pace. The lights then started becoming brighter and brighter as if charging at him. Cedric quickly turned the lights to his sub on in hopes to finally see the source of the lights before they collided with his sub. The lights of the sub beamed out in every direction and in that same instant, the charging blue lights blinked out of existence, but nothing could be seen in the liquid void to identify a source. Cedric breathed heavier, confused by what he had experienced. He looked back at the switch that would turn off the subs lights and slowly reached for it, looking out into the void almost expecting some creature to come into the light that would explain what he had seen. He flicked the switch and the instant the subs light turned off a blinding blue light flashed before him causing his vision to go white. His eyes burned as he squeezed his lids shut instinctually. He blinked the light away only to see darkness before him. He blinked harder trying to adjust to the darkness with no results. Cedric had a moment of panic thinking he had gone blind, bringing his hands to his eyes and curling his knees to his chest. Just then Cedric realized the freedom of movement he had, he was no longer in the sub. He felt as though he was swimming with no resistance, floating in space, falling with no gravity. He kicked his feet instinctually trying to gather a feeling for up or down but could not conceive any form of gravity. He blinked his eyes but could only see the darkness. He thought to himself, am I dead, but the thoughts of his mind echoed in the world around him out into the void. A mote of blue light floated down in front of his face, captivating his every being. As he stared into the light before him he could feel all of his senses being syphoned into the light. He reached out with a hand that slowly began to dissipate, becoming translucent as it entered the faint blue light. He felt as if the hand he pushed forward became part of the emptiness around him, slowly fading into the light. The blue light started traveling away from him growing smaller but the light around Cedric seemed to grow and shrink in rhythmic waves as other small lights flew past him towards the retreating light. With each speck joining the central light it grew brighter throwing beams of light like spears through the void. As the spears hit his chest he felt a numbness spread through his body and mind. Fear was no longer with him, curiosity no longer drove him. His sense of self was slowly melting into the light that was now consuming him, with him, a part of him. He could feel the light as if it was a life like his own, a familiar sense of loneliness and the pull for companionship reflected into him and out of him. In his last few moments of knowing himself he knew he should be afraid but the overwhelming sense of wholeness and peace overcame all thoughts and plunged him into the light and then consumed him in darkness.


My name is Mary I am 27 years old, and in 2 months time I will be graduating from university of Zambia, with a masters degree in accounts!! God I can't even imagine this,it has always been my dream to be an accountant one day and this dream of mine is soon going to be a reality in 2 months time. But over the past 5 years have come to realise that life is a journey full of struggles, full of problems full of challenges and full of ups and downs, such that if you are not strong enough you can give up on your dreams. I believe in life we all have dreams that we want to achieve one day, but some times the circumstances that we find ourselves in makes it impossible for us to achieve our dreams and most of us we end up giving up on our dreams. Five years ago I lost both my parents, and this was the time when I was about to enter into university. On that fate day when I lost both my parents I thought that was the end of my life , because my parents were the ones who were going to sponsor me to university. I didn't know what to do, and I was so confused all I did was cry and ask God why these things where happening to me, because I did not understand why God would allow such a thing to happen to , been a Christian I know that God sees and knows everything, and God knew that I was supposed to go to university for my studies, God also knew that for me to go to university I needed my parents for sponsorship and so I kept asking God why I took my parents from me when I needed them. First forward 5 months after the burial of my parents I said to my self , I am not going to site down cry all day and feel pit for my self and I am not going to give up on my dream of going to university and become an accountant, because giving up is not a solution and if I give up on my dream of becoming an accountant nothing will change my situation will only get worse, so I prayed and asked God to give me the strength and the Grace I also asked God to give my wisdom and knowledge to know what to do, because been a Christian I also understand that nothing is impossible with God if you ask he will give you what you have asked, so I prayed and asked God for his guidance because I knew that God was going to answer me and he did, he answered me and he gave me a good idea . After a few days God told me to move out of my parent's house and to go and live with my Aunty, aunty Jane I then rented out my parent's house and I used the money to pay for my first semester tuition fees and everything that was needed for me to start school. And one thing that I can tell you is that my life wasn't so easy during my university days, life was so difficult, there was so many things that I needed while I was at the university, but I couldn't have those things, because the money that I was getting from the rentals was just enough for my tuitions fees. But despite all these challenges that I was facing I never gave up on my dream of becoming an accountant, I kept trying and moving forward, even though they where times when I felt like giving up I never gave up on my dream because I knew that one day my dream will be a reality and in about 2 months my long life dream of becoming an accountant will become a reality. And now my advice to everyone out there who wants to give up on your dreams because of the challenges that you are facing today, is that you should never give up on your dreams instead you should keep fighting and trying until your dream is fulfilled, because giving up is not a solution it only makes the situation worse, because when you give up nothing changes everything remains the same. So no matter how difficult the circumstance you find your self in is don't ever give up on your dreams. And always remember to put God first in any situation that you find your self in because God will never fail you not even once all you need to do is pray and leave everything in God's hands cause he knows what's best for you. Sometimes you might think that God is not there but believe me you God is always there and he works in mysterious ways when you least expect him, just have faith believe in him and he will do miracles for you, he will make a way for you where there is no way, he will meet you at your lowest point in life, if he did it for me be list assured that he will do it for you as well just don't give up on him and he will not give up on you no matter what. I always encourage poeple with my story and I tell them how I faught to be where I am today , and I tell them that the reason why I am here today is because I never gave up on my self despite me lossing both my parents when I was just about to go to university. And now I am on the verge of achieving my long life dream of becoming an accountant, just in 2 months times I will be graduating from university of Zambia with a masters degree in accounts just like I have always wanted, my dream will soon become a reality. And this is so because despite everything that I want through while I was pursuing my dream I never gave up I keep moving and working hard. And you too your dreams can become a reality only if you don't give up when things are hard , because nothing is permanent in life problems come and go even the most difficult ones. The End.


Natalia Grimwood, an overly cheerful girl with terrible cooking skills, hasn’t peed in over eight hours. In fact, she hasn’t moved anything other than her fingers since this morning. (Get your head out of the gutter; she’s been typing .) She’s simply stumbled out of bed, made a poor excuse of scrambled eggs and hasn’t strayed for her computer since. Her breakfast, now long forgotten and emitting a smell that not even the poets could put into words, sits next to an empty carton of OJ that was full not five hours previous. Hence Natalia’s ungodly need to visit the ladies room. She doesn’t notice, of course; as far as she’s concerned, her body doesn’t even exist. Her mind is trapped in her world of words where she is currently creating a rather gruesome interpretation of... well, you don’t want to know. Point is, it’s no surprise that when two very tan and very loud teens come crashing into her room, she doesn’t even lift her head. “It’s not going to spoil , Johnny,” the girl drawls, then tries not to smirk at the boy’s expression. “I don’t even think watermelon can spoil.” “You know I hate that nickname,” the boy--John--mutters. “Only my mom calls me that.” The girl shrugs, then freezes. Taking a big inhale through her nose, her hand flies to cover her mouth. The boy notices the smell too, though his reaction is far less dramatic than his companion’s. “Ugh, not today ,” the girl gags. “She had to pick today ?” “Maybe she’s almost done?” John offers half heartedly. The girl, now pinching her nose between her fingers, makes her way to the back of the room to find Natalia hunched over her glowing screen, abandon eggs beside her. “This’s become a problem,” the girl scolds, though she knows her friend can’t hear her. John lumbers up next to her, taking the cold plate with a grimace. “I mean, just think about all the starving people who would kill for those... are they eggs?” The boy nods, scrapping the yellow blob into the garbage and tying the bag shut. The girl starts tapping her foot, lips retracting behind her large front teeth. John, recognizing the look, pales and shakes his head. “Don’t do it, Meg. Remember what happened last time?” he tries to warn. “It really wasn’t that bad. Plus, she’d been ten hours in. She can’t be over nine today.” A pause. “What time do you think she made breakfast?” “Meg, she’s in the Coma and she hasn’t eaten yet. Double jeopardy.” He counts on his fingers for emphasis. “We’ve been planning tonight for ages. She’ll have to suck it up.” Meg leans over the girl’s shoulder, eyes narrowing as she reads. “She just spelled ‘in’ with an e at the end. I’m waking her up.” John starts to argue, taking long strides towards them, but he’s too slow. Meg grabs Natalia by the shoulder, making the writer physically jump in her seat. A noise that can only be described as assorted strangled like sounds escapes her throat as she yanks out of Meg’s grip and whips around. “It’s us, it’s us!” Meg half shouts, waving her arm to get her friend's attention. The panic on Natalia’s face slowly glazes over into sleepy confusion. “Oh, uh... hi,” the girl manages in a husky voice. Rubbing her tired eyes she mutters, “What are you guys doing here?” Meg rolls her eyes and sighs. “The beach party’s tonight.” “What time is it?” Nat says over Meg’s response. “Six,” John answers dutifully. Nat’s eyes widen, fully pulled out of her world now. “ Six ?” she repeats incredulously. “No, it’s, like, noon.” “Nope, it’s six,” Meg confirms. “Oh man.” “Get off your butt, we’re going to the beach.” “How’d you guys get in?” “I never gave the spare key back.” “I’ve really been sitting here the whole day?” “Come on, we’ll miss the sun set.” “Holy shit, I have to pee.” “Nat!” Our girl’s head snaps up at this, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?” “Beach night.” “Pee first.” “Fine.” “And food.” “You can eat in the car.” “The waterlemon’ll go bad before we get there anyway,” John supplies. “It. Won’t. Spoil!” “Give me five minutes.” “Three.” “Deal.” .......... It may be occurring to you that Natalia didn’t ask for time to change. This, my friends, is because it is summer in Nantucket, which means bathing suits for underwear and sunscreen for lotion. Especially if you happen to be a late teen who borders on the edge of adult demands and a tax free life. Which our trio happens to fit the description of perfectly. This also happens to explain why they are currently doing what all teens do best; terrible, sincerely horrifying car karaoke. “So I put my hands up to play my song, the butterfly’s fly away,” they shout between mouthfuls of overly ripe watermelon. Their screaming is accompanied by sporadic and severely uncoordinated arm movements, which successfully earn them annoyed glares from the older island residents. None of the teens seem to notice (or care), so they finish the song off without hesitation. John gently eases them to a stop at a red light, the wind quieting in their ears and letting their loose hair fall into their eyes. Nat pushes hers aside with a grin, leaning forward between the front seats. “And then he’s going to die at the hands of his own brother,” she says enthusiastically, then sticks her tongue out between her teeth in concentration. “Or maybe he gets caught in the crossfire. Anyway, he’s gonna die during the final battle.” Her eyes take on a wild shine. “It’s gonna tear people apart.” “You’re a terrible human being,” Meg confirms, shooting her friend a sad look. “Why would you kill off the hot one?” John lets out a deep laugh, making Nat break out into a big smile. “Remind me to not let you write my life,” John jokes, pushing his foot against the gas pedal, which sends Natalia thudding back into her seat. She quickly recovers and climbs back to her perch. “I really think this could be the one, guys.” She’s practically buzzing with excitement. Taking another big bite of fruit, juice squeezes through her teeth and proceeds to poor down her arm, dripping onto the carpet. John sighs, but doesn't say anything. Meg only giggles, sticking her arms through the sunroof, creating currents of air twisting through the car. “I’m so happy for you, Nat,” Meg says, turning her dazzling blue eyes to the back seat. “I told you that you’d be the next New York Times best selling author.” Nat blushes and tucks a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear. “Yeah, well, I’m not there yet.” “ Yet .” The three grin, then Meg lets out a shriek when Harry Styles starts to croon about love from their old stereo. They let the music carry them the rest of the way down the old cobblestone streets. Quant two story houses turn into blurs on either side, oranges and pinks streaking across their open windows like a colorful record. The girls’ hair gets hopelessly tangled and sticky with pink watermelon juice, but neither try to tame it. They reach the edge of the beach just as the sun starts to dip dramatically down the horizon, sending a flush across the crashing water. If you were a local watching these three fling themselves out of the car and onto the rocky sand, you would just shake your head and not think twice. You might envy their carelessness, or consider telling them to watch where they’re stepping. But the truth is, you wouldn’t remember this site years later. You wouldn’t nudge your friend and go over and ask for a picture. Wouldn’t stop what you were doing to ask yourself, “Is that Natalia Grimwood ?” Why would you? They’re just another group of happy teens lucky to be living off of their parent’s money just a little while longer. But soon, like everything else, things will change for these three. Even as they hop from foot to foot and curse at the burning sand, their time together is already drawing to a close. They’ll try to keep in touch even after their day’s under the salty sky are done, and maybe they’ll succeed. Or maybe life’s current will sweep them down separate streams. So as Nat watches the other two argue and lug an oversized cooler down to the water, her head tilts to one side with a goofy grin. Then her face falls, mouth hanging open. She scrambles reach her back pocket, pulling out a small notebook with a black pen hanging from its pages. Bending her head down to block the sun from her eyes, she scribbles furiously on the crowded pages. After a moment, she leans back, a look of relief and satisfaction relaxing her muscles while a small smile plays at her lips. “Now that is good.” “Nat! You gonna stand there all day or help us?” Meg calls from where she’s leaning on the cooler. Nat stuffs the notebook back into her pocket and runs the rest of the way down the sand to her friends. Quickly picking up one end of the box, they trudge across the shore, grimacing at the especially sharp pebbles that dig into their feet. “What were you writing?” John asks in between gasps. A far away look melts Nat’s eyes, and her friends don’t notice her mischievous grin as she looks at the two infront of her. “You’ll see.”