Terra Camillo opened the door to the apartment Kyle Redding and her were living in. While walking through, she continued the argument she was having with Kyle by saying, “You embarrassed me Kyle. You got drunk and acted obnoxious in front of my friends.” She wore an ocean blue women’s winter jacket, denim jeans and leather riding boots. On her ears hung small, gold earrings. She dropped her Michael Kors purse on top of the entryway table, walked to the coat closet and waited for Kyle to step inside. It was 10:35 pm, on a Saturday evening. Kyle walked in and closed the door behind him. He wore a black snow cap, a dark-brown bomber jacket, jeans and sneakers. “Why do we need to travel through Europe? So we can watch other people do the same things we do but in a different language?” he asked. He walked up behind their cream-colored, leather couch and sat down on the left-hand end. Terra opened the coat closet, took out a hanger and began taking off her coat. “Don’t try to change the subject. You sounded like a moron tonight.” She hung the coat on the hanger and returned it to the closet. She was wearing a soft, white turtleneck sweater. “You didn’t even try to stay interested in what others were talking about,” said Terra. Kyle sat and stared at the wall in front of him. Terra continued with, “I watched how your eyes would glaze over when anyone was talking to you and you we’re getting drunk so you didn’t have to listen.” She walked to the armrest opposite of Kyle and stood over it. Kyle turned to her and said, “I listened to every word they said.” “You didn’t keep up with any of the conversation. Like when people had to explain the difference between Ireland and Northern Ireland,” retorted Terra, “It was painful to watch.” “How was I supposed to know that Budapest was in Hungary?” asked Kyle. “Of course you didn’t know that Budapest was in Hungary! Two years ago I wanted us to travel there during Autumn and you refused. So instead we went camping, again.” Terra walked from the couch to their sofa chair and sat down. Their oak coffee table was placed between them as she sat on the diagonal away from where Kyle was sitting. “Are you able to tell me what you did on a Friday night two months ago?” asked Terra. Kyle’s eyes moved across the room but when they returned to Terra he didn’t say anything. “Of course you can’t remember. Why should you? You’re content with just living out the same Friday, month after month: going to Cord Cutters and drinking and hanging out with Jake and Jon. I don’t even know why you came to the party tonight.” “I came because you asked me to,” said Kyle. “Don’t you listen to anything I say?” asked Terra. Kyle looked at Terra and said, “Of course I do. I listen to everything you say.” Terra stared at Kyle. “Maybe not everything but I listen to a lot of what you say,” said Kyle. “I just don’t understand what you’re waiting for,” Terra said and looked away from Kyle. “I never understand what you’re talking about when you get like this,” replied Kyle. “Maybe that’s my fault,” said Terra. Neither said anything until Terra said, “I asked you to come because I wanted to expose you to people that would share experiences that would be new to you. To understand what other people outside of Seattle are doing. You always want to talk about sports or wood working but when people try to change the subject to traveling or social injustice you would tune out and just start talking about the weekend when you got lost in the woods.” Kyle threw his hands up and said, “I’m sorry if I don’t find politics interesting yet! Who doesn’t like a story about surviving in the wilderness?” Kyle got up from the couch and walked over to their oak desk and said, “Do you imagine that Europe is some fantasy land with dragons and knights that speak in old English? When did everything become about status with you?” Terra got up from the chair and walked to the coat closet. She opened the closet door and while reaching in for her coat said, “I’m going to a friend’s house.” Without turning his head to look at her, Kyle said, “You’ll find any excuse to visit him.” After putting on her coat, Terra opened the front door and said, “Any place is better if you’re not there,” and slammed the door behind her. “*Rico, pause. Did you say friend’s house? I heard Fred’s house.”* *“I said: friend’s house. I needed to get out of the apartment.”* *“Wow, you could’ve made that a little clearer. I was fuming after you left because you were so open about seeing him.”* *“I’m sorry you misheard me but I didn’t see him.”* *“Okay, it’s fine. Did you mean what you said afterwards?”* *“I wanted to.”* *“I wasn’t sure if you meant it. I wasn’t sure what we were arguing about when we got back. We had gotten into so many arguments recently I just couldn’t keep up.”* *“We have been arguing a lot and I’m sorry.”* *“Me too. It’s so weird looking at yourself.”* *“Yeah, it takes some getting used to. I forgot that during that night I wore those earrings you made me.”* *“Where did you go afterwards?”* *“To Janelle’s place. Rico, skip to an hour later, prepare for upload.”* Terra sat next to Janelle in the middle of Janelle’s leather couch. In Janelle’s living room, they were joined by Janelle’s boyfriend Marcus and their mutual friend Samantha. Both sat on the couch opposite to Terra and Janelle. Janelle was rubbing Terra’s back. “I don’t understand how to get through to him. He just frustrates me so much now. We used to be so happy together,” said Terra. “Does it feel as if he is even trying to listen to you?” asked Janelle. “No, honestly it doesn’t. He pretends to listen and tunes me out whenever I have something to say that he doesn’t want to hear. He has himself convinced he’s got me fooled. I don’t know what to do.” *“Rico, pause. You knew I wasn’t listening?”* *“Yes Kyle. I’ve lived with you for over 3 years.”* *“I’m sorry. It’s how I’ve been handling those situations lately.”* *“I know. We need to discuss it later. What did you do after I left?”* *“I went to meet up with Jon and Jake at Cord Cutters.”* *“How unusual.”* *“I’m not sure we need to see where I went.”* *“Kyle, we need to give each other’s perspective.”* *“Fine. Rico, switch narrator, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at a table with Jon and Jake. The bar was busy with people talking and laughing. There were no televisions in the bar. “All she ever seems to do now is look for ways to get upset with me. I know she’s looking for me to make one mistake so she can pounce. That’s why I just tune out when she gets like that,” said Kyle. “Does she know you’re not listening?” asked Jon. “Nope. I put on a good listening face,” said Kyle proudly. Kyle continued with, “I just can’t put up with her when she gets like that. She never acted like that when we started dating. I don’t want to make things worse and it’s really the only defense mechanism I have. She’s still the one I want to be with but it seems as if I’m living with a different person.” *“Rico, pause. I’m not sure I can do this.”* *“Kyle, we have to give this a try. The user reviews on the Reconciliation program were impressive and Angela said it saved her relationship with Malcolm. Also, you know we can’t afford couple’s therapy.”* *“It’s just that it’s such a violation of privacy.”* *“I agree, showing someone else your memories is personal but you’ll be showing them only to me. All we are doing is giving each other our own side of the story.”* *“I keep remembering the evening we walked through the snow after the snowstorm.”* *“At Discovery Park?”* *“Yeah. How long ago was that.“* *“About three months after we met. It was the same winter we met.”* *“Rico, reset to three months after we met, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle walked through the snow at Discovery Park. The snow came half-way up past their shins. Terra walked ahead of Kyle. Terra said, “C’mon! You gotta keep up!” Kyle said, “What’s the rush?” Without looking back, Terra shouted, “It’s cold out here! You have to keep moving to stay warm.” Kyle said, “Hold on. Terra, slow down.” Terra stopped, turned to Kyle and said, “What?” Kyle said, “If you’re getting cold, I’ll keep you warm.” He opened up his bomber jacket and Terra stepped inside to hug him. Terra looked up at Kyle and they kissed. They kept each other warm until they returned home. *“There was something special about sharing the silence with you. It felt right.”* *“That day was special, but everyday wasn’t perfect. Rico, skip to a year and a half after we met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat in the middle of the couch reading a book on ancient Greek history. Terra came into the room smiling. She held up her phone to Kyle and said “This is the website Angela was telling me about. These places look amazing.” Kyle placed the book to his right. He accepted the phone from Terra and started browsing the screen. Terra sat down to his left and looked over his shoulder to see what he was seeing. It was a post on a popular travel blog about the author’s recent travels through Europe. In the post the author catalogued her experiences and impressions about Brussels, Istanbul and Budapest. Kyle began to wear a look of surprise and confusion as he continued to read. Finally, he put down the phone. Kyle turned to Terra and said, “When did you want to do this?” Terra looked at Kyle surprised and said, “I’m not sure, maybe this Fall?” “But we already agreed to go camping at Deception Pass State Park this October,” responded Kyle. Terra sighed and said, “I know but I really want to travel to these places.” “Let’s set a date for next year. This year I can show you how to start a fire and how beautiful the night sky becomes. After that we can decide where we want to go next.” Terra nodded in approval and said, “Alright, it's a deal.” *“I remember you talking about that trip but it seemed like something we should do later in our relationship. You enjoyed the camping trip though. Rico, fast forward to October of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle laid on top of their sleeping bags at Deception Pass State Park. The embers from fire that Kyle showed Terra how to make burned low. They stared up at the stars against the clear night sky. Kyle held up his phone displaying a celestial map in his left hand while Terra traced the sky. “Does that look like Perseus?” she asked. “It does,” Kyle said, “And I’m pretty sure this is Camelopardalis.” With his right hand he traced the constellation. “I’ve never seen the sky so clear,” said Terra. “Without the light from the city, we’re able to see what it actually looks like,” replied Kyle. They continued their search for constellations until they were satisfied and Kyle put down his phone. “How long have you been coming here?” asked Terra. “Since my Dad took me here when I was a kid,” responded Kyle. “The air is so fresh out here,” remarked Terra. “That’s why he brought me out here. That and he liked to fish. Fresh air and fresh fish as he calls it,” replied Kyle. Terra asked, “If you had the chance, would you live out here?” Kyle paused before saying, “Camping is a way for me to get away from the city for a few days. It’s slower and I’m able to appreciate what’s in front of me but I couldn’t live out here. I would get bored not being able to see anyone else and tired from using leaves as toilet paper.” “I’m sure living off of wild berries and rabbits would get old quick,” said Terra. “If I lived out in the woods, would you join me?” asked Kyle. “Yes,” said Terra, “so I could drag your ass back to Seattle.” *“Rico, pause. Sure. That was a great vacation. But we did that the last two summers. Do you remember the train ride we took?”* *“Yeah, of course. How could I forget?”* *“Do you remember what we said?”* *“Yeah, we talked about how amazing the country looked and I said this was a great idea that you recommended.”* *“We also talked about our dreams. Do you remember what I said during that conversation?”* *“You wanted to start a family.”* *“Yes and this: Rico, skip to June of the following year, prepare for upload.”* Terra sat in a window seat of a train with Kyle to her left. The train was passing by wheat fields to the right and left of the tracks. She watched as the afternoon sunlight reflected off the tall, golden crops. She watched the fields they passed by change from wheat to corn. Kyle squeezed her left hand and she looked over to him. “See, I told you we would eventually take the train ride,” he said. “I’m glad you finally made the effort to try something different. I’m always amazed watching so much pass by so quickly,” said Terra. “I still don’t get why you wanted to do this but watching so much pass by makes me consider what is important,” he said. Terra looked at him encouragingly and said, “Keep going.” “I dunno know where I’m going with this but it just seems like the right time to say how important these years together have been.” Terra gave a warm smile of amusement and said, “There’s still hope for you yet.” The train left the fields and entered a forest. “Yeah, so as I said, what’s important to me. As far as I can remember, we never talked about what your dreams are.” Terra turned back to the window and watched tall pines pass by before turning back to say, “My dreams are changing. They’re different from a year ago and I can feel them change.” “So can you talk about one at least?” asked Kyle. “I want to start a family. I want to be a mom and give my kids the best life they can have. What about you?” Kyle took a moment to answer and then said, “Eh... it’s okay. It’s not that big of a deal.” “No. Kyle, if it’s important to you I want to hear it,” said Terra. “There’s this dresser drawer I’ve wanted to make. It came to me after work about a year ago. I sketched it out and it would be, without a doubt, the best work I’ve done yet. I just haven’t been able to get started.” The train entered a tunnel and the dim light in the cabin provided the only source of illumination. Terra waited to speak and they both looked out the window. The train sped through the tunnel until it emerged into an open grassland. Terra looked at Kyle and said, “I want us to fulfill all our dreams together.” “So do I,” replied Kyle. *“Rico, pause. We have been fulfilling our dreams together. We can make this work and stay together. We just have to figure out what went wrong. You agree, right? Terra? Terra, what’s wrong?”* *“I need to review a memory. Rico, fast forward to winter of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle held hands as they skated around the ice ring. They were accompanied by others that skated around too. Terra wore a light blue snow cap and kept a scarf around her neck. She wore a winter jacket and jeans. Kyle wore a black snow cap, his brown bomber jacket and jeans. They skated past a young mother teaching her child how to skate. Terra watched the two interact until she had to return her attention to the people skating in front of her. They continued to skate around for a few more laps until Terra said, “I’m going to skate ahead for a while.” Kyle looked surprised but said, “That’s fine, I guess.” Terra let go of Kyle’s hand and skated forward. Terra noticed another couple in front of her. Terra noticed the designer winter jacket the woman wore and how bright her smile was. She took notice of how her soft hair shined under the ring’s stadium lights. She watched her smile at her boyfriend and he smiled lovingly back. *“It was hard for me to tell in the moment but now seeing myself as an observer, I know it for a fact. Rico, fast forward to the summer of that year, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle sat at a table in Cord Cutters. They were accompanied by Janelle and Marcus. Terra sat across from Kyle and next to Janelle. They ordered drinks and Kyle began to tell a story from work. “So my buddy is working on a dining room table made from Brazilian Rosewood for a client. He stops and leaves for lunch,” said Kyle. While Kyle told his story, Terra looked off in the distance and turned her attention to the outside window. She saw a group of people standing, talking and laughing. Terra returned her attention to Kyle as Kyle said, “So when he takes off the cover and reveals the table, the client asks him why “For Julie” is inscribed in the middle.” Everyone at the table laughed except Terra, who gave a faint smile and started to let her eyes wander around the room again. Kyle began to tell another joke and Terra returned her gaze to the outside window. She looked across the street to see a group of people entering an upscale restaurant. One member of the party held the door open so the others could enter. *“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice you were so unhappy. If you could’ve told me what the problem was I would’ve listened.”* *“Kyle, something I learned very quickly about you is that you have a hard time seeing what is in front of you. Just watch.”* Kyle finished his joke and everyone at the table began to laugh. Terra stared directly at Kyle. She was laughing harder than Janelle and Marcus. Kyle noticed that Terra was staring at him. Terra said, “Wow, it’s not like I haven’t heard that one before. You make that same mistake again and again. Most people learn not to make the same mistake twice.” *“Rico, pause. You’re wrong Terra. I have noticed how you’ve changed. I just don’t know what to do.”* *“Yes, you do Kyle. Just tell me why you’re so opposed to change?”* *“Because I remember nights like these. Rico, rewind to the winter of our first year together. Prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle sat on their couch watching the movie *Blade Runner*. Kyle was seated at the left-end of the couch, with his right arm placed on the armrest. Terra rested her head on Kyle’s shoulder. As they watched, snow began to fall. Terra noticed and turned her attention from the television to the outside window. She watched the snowfall intensify and after a short while looked up at Kyle and said, “You want to watch the snow?” Kyle looked from her to the window and nodded. After the lights were turned off inside, the room was only illuminated by the soft-yellow light provided by the streetlamps outside. The two watched as the snowflakes fell and their shadows danced on the floor. Kyle sat at the left-end of the couch and Terra laid across it. Her feet rested on the cushions and her head rested in Kyle’s lap. Kyle took Terra’s right hand in his and gently squeezed it. *“We don’t need to travel the world and follow the latest lifestyle advice. We’re able to find happiness just being together.“* *“When I laid there, it occurred to me that I never trusted someone as much as you but we can do more than that.”* *“Watch this and tell me if we are doing more. Rico, fast forward to three months ago, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle were arguing in the kitchen. “Why are you so concerned with what Fred does? He is one the smartest colleagues I’ve worked with and he has taught me so much. You could learn from him.” “I don’t want to learn from him,” responded Kyle, “He looks like he belongs in a Burberry catalog and he doesn’t shut up about social causes because he knows everyone in the conversation will agree with him.” “Your wrong Kyle, as always. Fred cares deeply about the causes he advocates. I bet you couldn’t even name one in detail.” Kyle gave a long pause before saying, “I’m not playing this game. I know what I see and he’s a SJW looking for the next popular cause to join.” “I wish you were a fraction as aware of the world as he is.” “Why? What good would that do? So I can self-righteously post something on social media? Believe that I made a difference from the comfort of my office desk?” “You’re wrong Kyle, as always. Words inspire action and knowing what you’re talking about and what you’re fighting for encourages others to do the same.” “I’m not saying fighting for a just cause is wrong. I’m saying that doing it to make yourself look better or build a cult following is disingenuous.” “Fine, but that isn’t what he does.” Kyle threw his hands up in the air and said, “I give up. I’m getting ready to go to bed.” Later that night Terra and Kyle slept in the same bed, with their backs turned against each other. *“By then we hadn’t had sex in weeks.”* *“It’s strange Terra. When you get really upset like that, I remember the night we agreed to move in together. Rico, rewind to six months after we met, prepare for upload.”* Terra and Kyle held hands as they walked through a neighborhood. They passed single-family detached homes. Some had front porches while others had front gardens with Double Early Tulips, Hosta Roots and Hydrangeas growing. They had stone facades and lights along the walkway that led up to the front door. “So... my lease will be up this month,” said Kyle. “Really? That’s funny, because mine will be up in two months,” replied Terra. “Are you going to renew?” asked Kyle. “Not sure yet,” said Terra. “Well, if you decide not to renew, maybe we could look for a place together?” “I dunno, that’s a pretty big commitment. You might as well be signing away the next year of your life to another person,” replied Terra. “Yeah, but you get all of this for a whole year,” said Kyle while gesturing to himself. “It’s a tempting offer,” said Terra. “Is that a yes?” asked Kyle. “Hmm... I guess it is,” replied Terra. Kyle gave Terra a big smile before stopping to kiss her. They released and continued to hold hands while walking around the neighborhood. Engaged in conversation, Kyle looked straight ahead while Terra looked at every house they passed by. *“Rico, pause. Just please tell me why you’re so afraid of expanding your horizons.”* *“I’m not afraid.”* *“Then I don’t understand what it is. How can you be content with the same routine and lifestyle.”* *“Rico, rewind to the first month after we met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at the bar in Cord Cutters. He waited at the bar until his drink was served. *“It was your lifestyle too.”* A few minutes later, Terra greeted him by wrapping her arm around his neck and kissing him. *“You were fine living this way before.”* *“You can be more. We can do more together and live a better life.”* *“Such as?”* *“Starting our own company.”* *“Not this again. Terra, you know all the headaches that come with starting a business. Why do you want this so badly?”* *“For our children! So they can live a better life than we did! I’m tired of the same life and I don’t want them to relive it. I want them to aspire as well. And I want you to be their father so they know how great of a person you are. But you know this already Kyle, why are you refusing to accept it?”* *“We’re just not ready to take on that kind of challenge. I’m not ready to assume a leadership position and I’m not sure I’m ready to be managed by you. You should accept that we will be lower-middle class. I’m fine with where I am. Rico, rewind to when we first met, prepare for upload.”* Kyle sat at the bar in Cord Cutters with Jake and Jon. Kyle drank a lager while Jon and Jake drank an ale. Jon turned to Kyle and said, “Samantha is bringing some friends with her tonight. They’ll be here soon.” “Who is she bringing?” asked Kyle. “Janelle and Terra. You met Janelle before and Terra is new. I haven’t met her yet but Samantha tells me she is relaxed and open-minded.” “Good to know,” replied Kyle with an approving nod. Kyle, Jon and Jake talked until Samantha arrived with Janelle and Terra. The men got up from their stools and introduced themselves. After saying hello to Samantha and Janelle, Kyle introduced himself to Terra by extending a hand and saying, “Hi, I’m Kyle.” A smile grew on Terra and she reached out to shake Kyle’s hand. “I’m Terra,” she said. The group moved the conversation to a table. Terra took off her winter coat before sitting down. Underneath, she wore a plain, navy blue cotton sweater. Kyle sat in the seat across from her. “What are you into?” asked Kyle. Terra gave a short laugh and said, “Snowfalls. I know, it sounds childish.” As the night progressed, Terra and Kyle separated from the group’s conversation and formed their own. *“You were quite the charmer that night.”* *“You looked so happy.”* *“I was, I had found someone that I was comfortable opening up to.”* *“We got along so easily. Every joke I told, you found funny.”* *“Uh, I laughed at every joke you told so I wouldn’t offend you. Although, some were pretty good.”* When everyone was getting up to leave, Kyle asked, “Can I give you my number?” “Sure,” said Terra. Kyle told Terra his number while she entered it in her phone. “How about lunch tomorrow?” asked Kyle. “Maybe,” responded Terra with a playful, wait-and-see attitude. The group walked to the front door and left the bar. *“It’s hard to believe we used to get along that well together. Now you don’t find anything I say funny. The same smile I used to give, you now meet with disgust.”* *“When I find any trip or adventure I want us to go on, you’ll find an excuse to stay. You will always find an excuse not to venture beyond your comfort zone.”* *“I will just want us to appreciate what we have in front of us and you will get frustrated.”* *“I will just want you to learn something new and you will refuse. I know you're capable of more but you’re just not ready to see that.”* *“We could start a family and give our kids a good life, the same kind we had.”* *“But it won’t be the one that I want for them.”* *“I’m not ready to let go. To lose you. I’m not ready to give up on you.”* *“I’m not ready either.”* *“We can save our relationship. Right?”* *“Kyle, we’re not going to be able to go any further. We’ve become different people.”* *“I wanted us to work this out. To figure out the problem and how to overcome it.”* *“I’m sorry but we’ve become different people than when we first met and are no longer compatible.”* *“This is the end, isn’t it.”* *“It is.”* *“What will you do without me? Will you finally travel to Prague?”* *“No. That was a trip I wanted us to go on together. I will travel through Europe though. What about you? What will you do?”* *“I’m not sure. I guess I’ll start by finishing that kitchen cabinet I started working on last month.”* *“Goodbye Kyle, I will always miss you.”* *“Goodbye Terra.”* *“Rico, close channel.


There was a marsh that bounded part of the woods behind my house, on the edge of which, at high tide, Dad and I used to stand and fish for perch and minnows. Birds chirped in the trees and they’d clam up when the eagles came around. In some places, it was hard to walk. The forest floor was so slick and the swamp so full of trees that there was no way to tell where one stopped and the other ended. In consequence, when burly hunters stomped through the woods they sometimes found themselves knee-deep in slippery mud, as black as oil. That wasn’t us, we knew our way around. By trial and adaptation to the rhythm of the tides, it was like instinct for Dad and I. I knew every tree and every boulder; where the eagle’s nest was and the cave that sunk into the ground and filled up with water at high tide. “You got the bait, boy?” Dad asked. I nodded my head and held out a tin can swimming with worms. You might like to know something of his character. He was well-built, of middle stature, and quite ingenious. He could draw well, was a skilled musician, and he had a mechanical intuition too. But, his greatest attributes laid in his perfect understanding and solid judgment. He ran for town sheriff a number of times, winning twice. I remember frequent visits to our house by the mayor and other leaders who consulted him for his opinion in the affairs of the town, long after his service with the police department had ended. We walked over the path of wood beams he’d made by hand to get across the marsh as the tide rose. The tide turned the ground around us into mush. Dad noticed some eddies and splashes a little ways out and said Son, I think there’s a big one out ‘ere today! And he smiled at me. When we got to the pier he took to arranging the fishing line and we sat with our feet dangling over the water. There was an enormous splash some distance out. Wow! Dad said, and I looked up to him in awe, as if he hadn’t seen what I’d just seen. A frog ribbited in the swamp somewhere, and then we heard a *plunk* and it went quiet. Little ripples washed towards us, chopped up by the waterlilies and the cattails. I lurched forward and I realized something bit down on my line. “You got one!” he said, and he helped me reel it in with real difficulty. We spun and spun the rod as hard as we could. The hook churned up the water around itself. The fish flapped about and swayed among the reeds. We thought it might be a catfish. I imagined myself posing with it for a picture, telling Ma, look at what I did! I caught a water droplet with my eye. We pulled and pulled and pulled and soon it got real easy to reel in the line. I thought it was my dad’s strength. But soon we got it up above the surface, and the fish was gone. Nothing but a sliver of lip remained on the silver hook, and a cloud of blood muddied the water.


As Serial Saturday here on has concluded, all that’s left to do is spotlight our fantastic authors. It’s been such a treat to watch people evolve their flash fiction serials with us and bring arcs to a close that have been with us for quite a while. For a good handful of writers on Serial Saturday, their stories are continuations of serials started on Theme Thursday weekly threads. One such story comes from /u/LitcityBlues. LitCity’s focus on research and keeping his story true to its setting and context was a highlight of this serial. That focus helped ground us in the story, and make it feel that much grittier and more immersive. But don't take my word for it! Here's a small teaser: >Living in Kinmen, murder is rare- but when the daughter of the local party boss from Mainland China just across the water is found on a beach in Kinken with a knife in her belly, it’s up to Detective Pei-Shan and Officer Wei-Ting to solve a murder that’s a landmine of political problems just waiting to explode. Finding the truth, however, turns out to be more complicated and dangerous than either of them were expecting. For our first run of Serial Saturday at it was important for us to get author impressions of how their experience went with us, and give readers a peek at the "behind the scenes" of creating a flash fiction serial. Here's u/LitcityBlues’s take on that: >This began life as a Theme Thursday over on r/writingprompts for the theme ‘Vulnerability’ and I remembered learning about various political crises over the Taiwan Straits in college and remembered Quemoy (Kinmen) and Matsu- but I didn’t realize just how close to China Kinmen actually was. I couldn’t imagine living in a place- that to me, anyway, seemed like it would feel vulnerable *all the time*. > >A simple five hundred word prompt response and the feedback I got demanded more story and then more story and then suddenly I was migrating from Writing Prompts to Short Stories for Serial Saturday and 22 parts later, it was done. I *loved* all the feedback that I got-- and I’d like to think that I at least absorbed *some* of it. This story also taught me the importance of research. Never having been to China, this piece required a ton of homework and I hope, in the end, that I at least captured some essence of the place and the people who live there. With the tale of *Murder In Kinmen* at an end there is only one thing left to do: show off this newly finished story for obligatory bragging rights here on . Let the bragging begin! Without further ado, here's u/LitcityBlues’s Table of Contents. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **TABLE OF CONTENTS** \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ You can check out more of u/LitcityBlues's work by going to their subreddit, r/LitcityBlues. Congrats on finishing your serial, LitCity, and we can’t wait to see what you do next. <3 from the team at , , and Serial Saturday. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ *For more information on the Serial Saturday program feel free to check out our* *.* We have members from all around the world and who have all kinds of schedules, so there’s usually someone awake to talk to. We also have scheduled readings, oration critiques, spur-of-the-moment story time, or even just random hangouts over voice chat.


Alyssa dreamed of feverish lights and dancing swarms. Her feet covered in sand, her heart beating to a song that rang familiar and yet unknown. The crowd around her, lost in blissful euphoria, blended and fused, turning into an amorphous shape. They could not know what was about to happen, she thought as her heart beat and faster. How the fluorescent lights by the beach would be overshadowed by a skyward gleam, blinding and encompassing all. How they would all be lost in that light. She woke up to the sound of her vibrating phone. Had she not put it in silent mode? Her boyfriend lay asleep, his snoring unaffected. *No, I am not going to check it*. A minute passed and the phone vibrated again. And again. She sighted and clumsily searched the bedside table. A few messages from the same number stating: “*BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL”* It gleamed before her eyes, like a lighthouse on the evening shore. After a few seconds, the phone’s screen turned black and she had to press the home button to check it again, make sure it was real. Alyssa scratched her eyelids, partly convinced it was a prank being played by one of her boyfriend’s friends. Her phone suddenly rang, but she did not pick it up. Then another message, but now from a friend: “Omg Ali they said it will come down in 25 minutes. PICK UP THE PHONE” Alyssa suddenly realized she had not breathed since checking the cellphone, that her lungs would not constrict nor expand; only stood still. Thirstily, she gulped for air. It took a few moments for her to overcome the feeling of asphyxiation. It couldn’t be true. She thought about checking the news, calling the police, anything to disprove those messages. Yet something deep inside her convinced her otherwise; a muffled voice crawled from her belly up towards her throat and escaped her lips ringing: “It is real” She thought of her mom who was thousands of kilometers away in Pará. They’d have a call every two or three days but didn’t last night. She imagined her mom alone watching the evening news, drawing internal anecdotes about how things never improved in Brazil. Repeating old sayings to herself as though they were mantras. She remembered her at catechism wearing a humble beige dress whilst standing at the church’s entrance facing a small march of children in white garments and dark shoes. Her face wet with tears but bearing a warm smile. Alyssa looked at her phone again - 21 minutes remained.  . . .  While Alyssa still slept, her neighbor laid awake. They would exchange pleasantries as they bumped into each other on morning jogs, but Alyssa did not know the man. His name was Silvério - he was older, quieter and had a certain sad demeanor about him. Right then, a few houses down from hers, he grunted at fixed intervals, his torso moving up and down. His cheeks red, his back damp with sweat. He was about to do the fiftieth crunch of the set, which would then be followed by twenty-five push-ups and thirty squats. The muscle pain and rigidity of his body were clear reminders of his age. Nevertheless, it wasn’t to keep fit that Silvério exercised but rather because he felt like drinking. Over the past three years or so, he discovered that exercise kept old demons at bay. It was weird, but a mix of sweat and endorphins worked better for him than any other measure he had tried before. His was a specifically difficult case because he was - and deep down prided himself being - a highly functional alcoholic. He kept his job as a health science consultant for several years while ingesting a ridiculous amount of alcohol on a weekly basis. It didn’t cost him his career but it did cost his two marriages and a son. The awareness of his problem only came to him four years back, when his ex-wife told him that his youngest son did not want to see him anymore. He had already alienated an older son, and his own father had been a stranger to him at best. The glimpse of yet another nauseating cycle about to repeat rushed through his eyes. It was then that he decided to, for the first time since early adulthood, get his shit together. He joined A.A and moved to Kaunakakai to be closer to his son. Ever since then he had had not relapsed and overall managed to almost feel proud of himself. Sure, it was not great to deal with his ex-wife’s coach surf partner but he could be in his son’s life. When he considered it, there had been mostly good days in his alcohol free life. Only rarely did he feel tempted to drink again. Today had been one of *those* days. Days when his progress seemed futile and his senses would deceive him. When he smelled gin though there was none in the house; when he drank coffee and tasted a hint of whiskey. When he remembered that the closest bar was only two point eight kilometers from his house; that he could drive there in no time or even get a jog out of it. His lips would feel dry and he would see a bartender smirk as he placed the glass on the counter. Trying to lose sight of that smirk, he finished the last set and rubbed a small white towel against his sweaty face. In his kitchen a few moments later, he filled a water bottle and drained it with delight. His Adam-apple drew an arch with each gulp and, seconds before the bottle was empty, he heard his phone ring back in the living room. “Gotta be Jim again” he grumbled to himself. But it wasn’t. His mobile screen showed the same message that Alyssa would read a few seconds afterward: “*BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL”* Silvério checked the number - it was a government one. Search results on his mobile led to forums filled with anguished posts debating the message’s veracity. Was it real? What could be done? When the U.S president openly antagonized a dictator in hold of atomic weapons on a platform reaching 330 million, what else could be expected? A new Pearl Harbor. What a legacy to leave behind. There could have just been some glitch or cyber terrorism, Silvério pondered. His heart beat fast, his white tank top still wet in cold sweat. But what if it wasn’t? What if his timer was really set and he had but twenty minutes left? To his eternal shame, upon facing that possibility, it was not towards his son that his thoughts went but to his Belgium neighbor’s cabinet. Silvério hurried outside, leaving the lights on and the front door opened. He took anxious steps, moved by the forgotten frenzy and immutable smell of alcohol that wasn’t there. The grass under his feet felt soft and humid, the air warm and calm. He paused before his neighbor’s backdoor. *I am better than this. I should be.* He sighted, crouched and lifted the mat which read “Welkom” in bold. Underneath it shone the house key against the moon light. *Bingo*. The door opened silently, a damp stain left on its handle. It was not necessary to turn any lights on - he knew he was in the kitchen and that the silhouette of the door ahead led to the living room. From there, taking the right he could go to the room where the cabinet stood. While having coffee with his neighbor, he often lost his gaze at that very room, pretending he did not know what it hid. The Flemish man would laugh and resume his tales, but, to his merit, never had any alcoholic beverages at display when visited by Silvério. The timer on his mobile phone showed he still had 18 minutes. How many bottles could he down in that time? *One thousand and eighty seconds don’t seem like that long*. His hands trembling with excitement, Silvério grabbed the first bottle he found. It was rum and he quickly drank over half of it. Dark liquid ran down his lips, his neck and stained his tank top. The first time he ever drank rum was at a house party when his fifteen-year old self tried to impress a girl. It tasted pungent then just like it did now. That taste, accompanied by the dreamy buzz and the warmth of her body had been ingrained in his memory. Bitterness, excitement, youth. A better version of himself. He paused for a moment, coughed a few times and finished the bottle. The second bottle he chose was a vodka one. It tasted bitter and heavier than remembered. For a single moment he was caught by a future image of himself lying unconscious amidst empty bottles, just before being disintegrated by an explosion. He stared at the two-thirds left of the vodka bottle, thinking of his youngest son as he took another sip.  . . .  The deep beat reverberated across the beach. From afar, kilometers of emptiness from left and right converged into a crowd dancing bathed in a mix of moon and neon light. Every so often a subtle breeze blew, drawing waves at the near sea and lifting sand particles that stuck against wet shirts and damp bodies. Tim danced with a girl he had locked eyes with a few moments before. Her body swayed from side to side. Her mouth mumbled the song’s lyrics in an almost smirk. With more clumsiness than charm, Tim tried to follow her dance tempo whilst sipping his beer. He placed the plastic cup on the ground and took a single step towards her. Her smirk grew larger. From the small bag that hung on her shoulder, she took what appeared to be a pill and gently placed it in her mouth. To his surprise, she came closer. Then a little closer - just enough for a kiss. Her lips were sweet and soft. As they kissed, she delicately placed her hands on the back of his neck and played with his hair. He moved his mouth from hers to her neck and back while trying to control his own hands. Eventually, she stopped, took another pill from her bag but this time placed in his mouth. It was then that a wider range of feelings emerged for Tim - a combination of anxiety, arousal and release. They resumed kissing for a while, lost in an ecstasy of sensations and the never stopping beat that trembled their chests. Before he took a break to ask her name, a stranger bumped against them, almost making the girl fall. It was then that Tim noticed that something had gone wrong - those who had been dancing around them were now staggered checking their phones. A couple appeared to cry while others started to push against the crowd in a desperate frenzy. When the music went momentarily lower, Tim could hear a scream: “Die, we are gonna die!” Fear spread across the rave like wildfire. It engulfed and surrounded much of the crowd, even those who were not fit to comprehend it. As many began to run in incidental directions, some were trampled and screams ensued. A handful drunken fights emerged and a small group headed towards the water while taking their cloths off. A couple held closer together, exchanging inaudible words. Once the mass had divided into scattered and less violent groups, a myriad of cigarettes were lit and smoke flew up to the night sky. There were some people who even resumed dancing as though the chaos had been nothing but a transitory nightmare. Tim hugged the girl whilst the violence broke down and took her away from the larger groups. As the pandemonium subsided they went back to kissing and feeling each other’s body. Neither bothered to check their phones. The ever so loud beat never stopped.  . . .  Alyssa gave herself three minutes to cry. She was cold enough to time it. Once she was done, she dried her face and took a deep breath. Her boyfriend was still snoring as she walked to the kitchen. Once there, she placed the coffee pot on the sink, added water, four and a half teaspoons of Kenyan coffee and took a package of sugar from the cupboard. Then, she placed it on the stove and waited for the water to heat. She thought about leaving her mother a voice message but could not define what she wanted to say. When the familiar smell began to pervade the house, her mind went blank. As she stood there unaware of which thought might come next, she felt a slight touch on her shoulder. “Hon, it is almost three in the morning” her boyfriend said in a voice both tired and confused. She turned to him, smiled and their lips touched for a second. She then put the coffee in two cups that had been drying. Followed by his perplexed gaze, she added one tea spoon of sugar to each and mixed it. She kissed him again but now for slightly longer. “You are crazy” he declared after a yawn. Alyssa laughed a sad laugh, as far as she knew her very last, and took a slow sip.


It was so terribly cold. Snow was falling, and it was almost dark. I could smell the damp bark of the trees around me as I continued running. The crunch of the leaves beneath my bare feet shifted into a soggy squish as the clouds' fractals settled into their new home. They began to turn the cold in my toes to numbness, but I knew I was close. I had to push through. A branch seized my black hair, but I didn't stop and allowed it to keep the long tresses in its grasp. My determination overrode brief pain in my scalp. I could see a violet light just ahead, and no amount of inconvenient agony was enough to stop me. Behind me, the approaching thunder of heavy boots and clinking steel pushed me faster. As the distance closed and the light grew, the scent of lavender flooded my nostrils. My pursuers were closing in; however, I was not going to let them take me back to that prison of a home. I glanced over my shoulder against my own advice, and I could see several armor clad individuals tearing through the forest. Just as one of them reach out to snatch my hair, I dove into the lavender aura. The first thing I heard was the trickle of a stream, followed by the soft flutters of feathers as singing birds took flight. My tattered legs felt the almost invisible touch of insect legs taking a rest on my skin. My eyes finally adjusted for me to stop shielding my face, and I absorbed my surroundings. A brook of teal water tumbled over translucent stones of various colors that shimmered in the scant sunlight. A great white buffalo was standing in the silver sand of the water's bank and drinking deeply. Whilst I had questioned the quality of the water, seeing the beast made me realize how thirsty I was. I scrambled through long blades of impossibly soft purple grass and cupped the water into my filthy hands. After a few gulps, I looked at my reflection in the water in my hands, studying my freckles, absorbing the massive three claw marks going across my right blue eye. The left amber eye carried its own scars unseen by anyone else, and, for a moment, it once again saw the slimy stone walls of her cell and a dilapidated bed with mold in the mattress. A hefty puff of warm humid air on my head pulled me out of my past with a start. I looked up into the dark eyes of the buffalo staring right at me. My callused hand reach forward of its own volition to its massive snout that felt like wet leather. The buffalo tuned and walked away, so I followed it for reasons I did not yet understand. The water was a comforting temperature as I passed through it. I was initially concerned about the gems under the surface would be harsh to step on, but it was as though every one of them had been strategically placed to help me pass through. On the other side were numerous trees shielded with blue bark touched the teal sky with leaves of varying hues of violet. Small lights of different colors flittered around us as we passed through. I held out my hand to one of the lights, and it came to me. On my hand landed a woman no bigger than mouse with cerulean skin and golden curls. Wings of pure starlight sprouted from her miniscule back. She knelt down and traced the lines in my palm, smiled up at me, and fluttered away as a blue wisp leaving shimmers in her wake. Butterflies as big as birds and birds as big as wolves passed by with quiet curiosity as we continued through the botanical menagerie. We trod along until we came upon a ledge surrounded by waterfalls pouring into a pool far below. On the ledge was a young lad with dark skin and a dark purple ponytail. His eyes were steel grey and pierced through my bones. I avoided them. "Salutations." His voice was deep and made of gravel. I didn't respond. Instead, I just nodded feebly as my brain refused to look him in the face. "I see," he said. "My name is Sebek, and I see our world found you. We've been in need of an assistant with your blood for some time. Tell me, are you in a hurry to return, or could you help us? The powers that be demand a volunteer." I had no idea what he was prattling on about, but I was willing to do just about anything not to return. I nodded. He grinned. "Splendid. Follow me." Follow him I did. He led me through a cave with walls of crystals that was like walking through a geode. After what felt like hours, we stumble upon a pedestal with what looked like a blue diamond that was taller than me hovering over it and rotating slowly. A deep feminine voice echoed from within the stone, and it glowed brighter with every syllable. "Welcome, mortal. What is your name?" I didn't tell her. "Very well. Our world is at risk. There is an unknown entity sweeping across our lands, and it brings sickness and madness to everything it touches. You are an anomaly from the outside and within, a bridge created by your father from our world and your mother from the outside. You'll be able to navigate the lands freely, yet the sickness may not recognize you as a threat. Will you help us without our influence that would lead it to you?" ...I nodded. Death by unknown forces in this place was favorable to going back. I had known my parents were shamed by both their families for me and, therefore, paid with their lives when we were found out when I was fourteen. I hadn't known of this place, only that I always saw the light in the woods and was forbidden from entering the forest for the past fifteen years since my parents were executed and I was imprisoned. I often wonder why they didn't kill me. "We are grateful beyond measure; however, I can not guarantee your safety or your success. Sebek will accompany you on your journey. Make haste!" We left the floating stone and returned to the white buffalo that had waited patiently at the entrance. Sebek hopped onto its sloped back and offered a had out to me. I hesitated. "Don't be afraid. Her name is Nokoni, and she's been my friend for a long time." Nokoni snorted as if in agreeance. I leaned on her side and listened to her bellowing heart beat. Her rhythmic breathing was as soothing as her cotton fur. I let Sebek help me up behind him. Whilst I was accustomed to riding horses, riding a buffalo was foreign to me. The lumbering stride as Nokoni began moving jostled me about at first, but I found a seat. "How are you feeling back there?" Sebek asked after a while. I gave him a thumbs up. "Good. We need to pick up the pace." Nokoni picked up a lumpy lope that I thought I might tumble from for a few minutes, but I eventually regained balance. The great animal carried us effortlessly through the terrain onto something new. Good or bad, I did not yet know. All I knew was that it was different. That was enough.


“Maybe we’ll get home before breakfast,” Morris complained aloud to spark conversation with anyone near enough to hear. “It’s well worth the wait. Best ride in the park. Waiting on this one is the best decision you could’ve made today,” a man some twenty years his senior boasted with a salesman’s smile. “So you’ve ridden it yourself?” Morris questioned. “Well... no,” the man was slightly embarrassed, “but its reputation speaks for itself.” The line stretched from the top of the colorful, enclosed building that housed the coaster all the way down the ramp and even wrapped around the walkway towards the rides ignored. Every minute the line added to its length; for who could resist the allure of the unknown? The warehouse was a massive slab that cost at least a fortune, spacious and towering over the land like a Gotham skyscraper. There was no way to determine the design of the coaster besides getting through the double doors at the front of the line, which unquestionably added to the enticement that inhaled whole crowds into its jaws on a daily basis. Morris was spotted nearly in the exact center of the line, standing on the third ring of stairs that allowed an elevated view of the park. Strangely, tumbleweeds wheeled through the rest of the rides with blank employees their only audience. He scoffed at the foolish majority that was so infatuated with the main attraction that they would wholly dismiss all other rides until realizing that he too had been roped in. In fact, he came to observe that every piece of the populace was gathered for the single ride, and every one that wasn’t was either entering or exiting the park. It was, at least, the perfect day to wait in such a line. Perfect temperature, and when the sun shone for longer than welcomed, even if for only a minute, the clouds would move in to close the curtain on the overstayed star. Mother Nature was in rare form, perhaps even flashing her aptitudes in the same manner as a boastful child. Her pride was evident, and her talents welcomed. A chilling thought abruptly took hold of Morris: there was no exit. Thousands of people had entered, and none had been seen again. One after another the smiling faces had piled in through the doors only to be replaced by more of the same. He laughed at his paranoia, writing it up as the product of his imagination sparked by boredom. Families flooded the park every day. If there was something ominous at work hidden in the shadows, someone would know by now. In time, he entered a meditative state amongst the inactive madness. The hours became minutes and the minutes milliseconds. The sun was nearly retired before Morris exited his trance and found himself nose to nose with his reflection in the glass doors. A giddiness arose, creating a connection of sorts between him and the eager little boy just a few paces behind him that would surely be on the same ride as himself. He wanted to turn around and give a nod of similarity to the young man but felt it a bit unbecoming. At last, the twin doors folded open and vessel-less hands took his own and led him into his prize of patience. There was no light besides the decorated signs directing traffic. Gripping the railing, Morris led his group down a narrow alley until arriving at a large, open circle that reminded him of a garbage chute. The sign above it read “COUNT TO 5 MISSISSIPPI BEFORE ENTERING.” Yet something about the system made him reluctant to throw his body into the hole. He turned around, debating if he should opt for the walk of shame, but the smiling, jittery faces coerced him to going in legs first. He slid down the slide and felt a suction pulling at his shoelaces. He winded down until being plopped in the very last cart underneath the returned lighting. One by one, the fifteen people that had been granted entry through the doors were sucked down into the appropriate seat until the ride was full. Looking ahead, Morris saw another circular chute on the wall that apparently led down and out of the ride, confirming his conviction of an overworked imagination while he was waiting. A short man with a clean face stood at the lever that started the ride in classic carney attire, a red and white striped shirt and a round hat of straw with a red ribbon around the bottom. He wore the smile of a menacing clown and shouted all at once “good luck!” As most roller coasters that are worthy of the title, the first incline was slow and steady, building anticipation and breaking the butterflies from their cocoons. Once at the peak, the ride nosedived into a pit of darkness and bended up along the wall into another. They flipped at a speed that Morris never thought possible while he held onto the contents of his pockets for dear life. The ride raged on, finding range of motion and movements that would turn the average thrill-seeker’s head white. Finally, as the starting point came into view, they entered into a circular pattern that imitated the coating of a candy cane, wheeling back to the eccentric gentleman controlling the ride. “Talk about being worth the wait,” Morris gasped, still trying to regain his breath. The ride had taken what little energy remained, and while grateful for the experience, he was excited to leave and rest before finding the next adventure. “Did we have fun?” the employee asked, answered with a resounding “yes!” “Again! Again!” the boy that was behind Morris in line begged. Morris couldn’t help but to chuckle at the lad’s enthusiasm. His smile faded into oblivion when the employee’s eyes and grin widened. “One more time!” he yelled, kicking the lever down and starting the machine once more. “No! I need to leave,” Morris pleaded unheard, and the ride was in full swing once again. As it ended for the second time, Morris began to feel ill. Thank heavens it was finally over... or so he thought. “Again! Again!” the boy wailed for the second time. “The boy’s a programmed android!” Morris thought to himself in disbelief. He was, under no condition, riding the trap again, and he told the worker as much. “Just one more time. Where’s your spirit at?” the man laughed as he shifted it into drive for the third time. On and on the process continued. For a fourth, fifth, twelfth time until Morris lost count. He was becoming adjusted, and suddenly the once intricate design had morphed into slow, flat circles. The repetition had become maddening, but eventually, Morris had grown quite fond of the ride. He couldn’t help but to note his gratitude at finally becoming acclimated to the coaster that he was once weary of. They pulled into the starting station again. “Alright, I think that’s enough,” the employee grinned. “Again! Again!” not the boy, but Morris began to shout.


My eyes narrowed as I saw the checkpoint leading into the business sector. I had passed through here many times before on my way to work. But the sight of the checkpoint and guards always spiked my adrenaline. One wrong move or one wrong answer and I would be taken aside for questioning, and if they didn’t like my responses there was no telling where they would take me. I stopped for a second to adjust my suit before continuing down the street towards the concrete buildings and armed guards. As I did I spotted a familiar looking sign posted just before the entrance. “ATTENTION: A smile must be maintained at all times. Failure to do so will result in detainment and questioning by authorities.” I stopped a second time to massage my cheeks, and made an attempt to smile even wider before continuing on. The line was shorter than usual, and thankfully it wasn’t long before it was my turn. “Next citizen.” A monotone voiced guard called me over to his booth. I did my best to walk over as normally and unthreateningly as possible. “Name, and place of work” the guard said almost robotically. “William Miller” I replied “Astro Data and Systems Management” The guard placed his finger near his ear and a low mechanical hum began to emit from him followed shortly by a loud click. I had been through this process many times before, but the sound of a supposed human being humming and clicking like a machine never failed to make me uncomfortable. I tried not to let this show though, and made sure my smile never faltered. The guard spoke again, “Mr. Miller, based on the time of your arrival at this checkpoint, you are projected to be 2 minutes late for your scheduled start time. A total of 5 points will be deducted from your citizen score, and you will be unable to access your alcohol rations for today. Do you understand?” A brief spike of anger welled in my throat, before I quickly squashed it into my stomach, and I calmly replied “Yes sir, sorry sir.” The guard nodded, and motioned for me to go ahead. As I walked I pondered the unfairness of the situation. I could easily make it to work on time, all I would have to do is jog down the street. But running of all types was strictly prohibited on public streets because it “showed urgency”, and according to our government, no emotion was to be shown except for contentment and happiness. “The new world we are building has no room for negative emotions.” The words of our president echoed in my head. “A new age demands a new attitude, and it all starts with a smile!” In my thought, I let my smile droop. Panic shot through my body as I corrected myself and smiled wide once again. However it was too late. A cold hand gripped my shoulder as a monotone voice came from behind me. “Law 147-A, a smile must be maintained at all times, please follow me, my superiors would like to ask you a few questions.


I remember small details easily. I can't say the same for important stuff. Ask me about last Thursday, I can tell you what colour the pen was when I was writing my essay for English, but ask me what the essay was and I'll go blank. It's not inconvenient any way, but I'll try does make me look like an idiot whenever my parents or friends ask me for something/someone.  Because of this, I've been recently thinking about something my English teacher said when I was in 8th grade. We were studying Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and looking at how darkness correlates with horror and thriller. I asked my English teacher why do horror stories have to be based around the absence of light, and my teacher said maybe it had to do with how light symbolises hope.  Even to 21 year old me, I find that bullshit. Light has never, and will never be my friend. All of my greatest ideas, best moments have come from darkness. My family find it weird that I never open my curtains, at least that's the vibe they give off. They've never told me it directly. They probably would think I'd forget it.  I lived in Maryneal, Texas growing up. I went to Highland and I'd have to walk my way to school for 30 minutes. We weren't exactly rich. Whenever I'd walk to school with my brothers I'd hold their hands because of the 'coyotes'. Truth is that there never were coyotes, and my brothers were messing around with me knowing full well of my phobia. They never meant harm, did Jack and Rak.  It was the middle of summer that it happened. I had to go summer school due to me lacking in Maths. "Beware of rapists, murderers and all of the sort. Everyday a child falls victim to their lies, and everyday a mother like yours cries her eyes out when her child disappears," was what my daddy would say. "Stay with your brothers, they'll help you on the way of life." They did. Until they couldn't. 4:57pm. I was running so late, my lazy ass had overslept. I was walking with both of them on that hot summers evening. Their bellies were full of Mama's scrambled eggs, mine rumbled like a 8.2 on the Richter Scale. The heat was overbearing. I'd stopped sweating on account of the fact that I had no more liquids in me. My brothers fed me some hot bottled water as we went down the road. My hair was plastered to my face when it happened, but my ears were clear.  Some distant howling could be heard from in front of us. The school wasn't far from us, something like 55 metres, but the heat made it seem like a thousand. The tumbleweed crossed over the road in a typical movie fashion. I paused for a second to see if I could hear the howling again. I heard it so many times that day, it was crazy. At first, the natural assumption was made that my brothers were pulling my ass. I looked at Jack first then Rak and told them, "I swear you two gonna kill me one day. Stop that howling or later on, I'll kick your butt's." They looked at me with a frown, probably thinking the heat got to me. I'll never know what they were thinking, those two had the mindset of a perpetual motion machine. They told me that I was exhausted, and that maybe it wasn't a good day to go to school. So we turned back, my head still down and hearing the howling. I slowly lost touch in my fingers since so much tingling was going on, that I didn't notice when they let go. When I decided to lift my head, they were gone. From the bottom of my heart, they just disappeared. I panicked, and mustered energy from my reserves to walk to the school entrance and get a teacher to call my parents. When the phone was answered, my words were mixed, but I'm not sure that my message got across because my parents started laughing. My daddy had to give the phone to my momma who had composed herself. She told me in the sweetest voice I've heard her say, "Darling, Rak is right here with us, and Jack is upstairs napping." And sure enough, I could hear my brother calling for the chickens in the distance. I told them that I felt sick, and wanted to go back home. They managed to get the principal to drive me home (some foreign family connections that I'll never understand).  I woke up halfway through the car ride, and heard him mumble about some goddamn coyotes in the area.


They lied in the bed motionless, sweaty, and exhausted. Air was the only blanket he couldn’t remove, and even that was weighing him down with a heavy layer of heat. The entire world was an oven that could not be escaped. The fires raged on. She had turned on a miniature metaphorical air conditioning unit on by opening the bedroom window as he had requested. But in the moment, there would be no relief. It was a happy suffering, though, for both parties Theo presumed. The climax of sexual intercourse had subsided, but the aroma of satisfaction had lingered. There was a smell wafting through the room. “It smells like sex in here.” Theo announced, not sure of what to say. “What the fuck else would it smell like.”, retorted Fae, sarcastically as she rose from the mattress and threw on a sweater she grabbed from the floor too short to cover her lower half. Theo noticed the thick layer of snow that weeks worth of dirty clothes had formed on what he understood was a hardwood floor. He didn’t mind, it was a nice change from what he was used to seeing in a lover’s bedroom. Once returning to the bed, she removed the sweater. Theo found the application and subsequent removal of the sweater odd, yet remained silent . She hopped under the covers, seemingly unphased. *How is she not dying,* thought Theo, as he melted into the sheets. Fae was cool, in temperature as well as temperament. This seemed almost normal to her. As if it were any other night. The ever-analysing Theo noticed she wasn’t very cuddly as this moment, which may mean she was sexually satisfied as he had read online previously. Another side of Theo told him that she didn’t want to because she was unattracted to him, as he was heavier-set than the typical young adult. They had cuddled extensively the past three occasions, so he reassured himself that his initial thought must be true. *Who doesn’t love cuddling a fat guy?* Theo thought. For once he thought in his own favour. They sat in silence as their heavy breathing had gradually subsided. “How was that for you?”, Theo inquired as he always does. “It was good”. Fae replied. Theo didn’t know why he would always ask. It was just a given. It was not as though she would say anything unpleasant anyway as post-sex was not the optimal time for confrontation. He dived deep into his mind, realizing he may have an unresolved need for reassurance. It was most likely true. Where it came from though, he did not know. Hopefully he would reflect on that later. For now he was focused on his ‘partner’ beside him. She was the most attractive person he’d ever been with, bar none. She looked similar to Ary in that she was short, a shade over five feet. That was where the comparison ended, though. She had long dirty blond hair that would always get caught between them. He had never checked, but he could’ve sworn it had to have gone down to the lower half of her back, if not the peak of her cheeks. Her cheeks where amazing, the ones on her face as well as those on her posterior. He wasn’t sure which he enjoyed more, her smile or her thick ass. Probably her ass. He also acknowledged her breasts. Which were fairly large for her size. Theo knew they were larger than Ary’s had been, definitively. Her most arousing feature, though, were her eyes. They were the brightest possible shade of blue. Lighter than the clearest lake and just as moist. Whenever they would converse, he had to avoid looking into them because he would get lost. He would lose track of what she was talking about. They were dangerous, and he would do anything to feed that addiction. She wore glasses occasionally, which he found attractive even if she despised them. Funnily enough she couldn’t really see. Wearing the glasses was a win-win for both. He couldn’t believe he had managed to de-clothe a woman so attractive, so out of his league, and so soon after his previous relationship. “Want a hit of that?”, she said seemingly out of the blue, staring at the half smoked joint at the side of the bed in a mason jar. Theo stumbled a bit on his words before replying, “Uh, no I think ill be fine”. In his own head he wondered whether she would think it was cool that he decided when he wanted to get high or not, or if he was being a pussy. This is where Theo’s mind went naturally, and typically. He would tell himself ironically that his greatest talent was overthinking. Eventually, when their bodies cooled off, Fae shuffled on closer to Theo and wrapped herself in him, to his satisfaction. His face was pressed in her bosom, while his left leg was intertwined between hers. He thought his leg was probably too close to her slit, so he retracted it ever so slightly unbeknownst to her. He felt relief. It was nice to be cuddled again. It had only been a couple of months, but at one point he thought he would never feel it again. For ten years he had taken cuddling for granted. She ran her hands across his back, back and forth as she was wont to do. It tickled him slightly uncomfortably, but he decided he enjoyed it and let her continue. It was peaceful. It was quiet. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but a silence he thought both parties were enjoying. Silence, however, was Theo’s bane. He was always anxious of silence, presuming it was of the awkward fashion. He decided that this moment was of the acceptable kind, so he let it slide just this once. It had been his fourth time at her apartment in two weeks. He had gone there the first two times drunk, and the last two times he went sober. The third time he went sober and they ended up getting drunk. The fourth, he was essentially sober throughout the duration with a couple glasses of wine mixed in. All four times he spent the night. He thought she must’ve enjoyed his company if she keeps letting him stay until the next morning. The first night he left at the break of dawn. Partly because of nerves and anxiety, and partly because of having to attend class. They had been up until roughly 5:30am. To say he was well rested was a flat out lie. The second time he stayed until the next afternoon. That night they had been awake at 6:00am, the last time he had checked his phone. They woke up in the late morning, relaxed, then she drove him home. The third and fourth time Theo had gone during the daytime hours, sober. They would talk, watch Netflix, cook for each other, and fuck until the sun began to sprout. They had yet to sleep before 1:00am. Though the clock would tick less each time they hung out. He wasn’t sure how he did It. But he was essentially staying at her place twice a week. Theo had no intention of being in this position. Hell, less than 2 months ago he had never envisioned sleeping next to someone with blonde hair. He distinctly remembered thinking, before Ary had left, that Fae was incredibly attractive, but a forbidden fruit. He was spoken for. Now, he had free speech. His own free speech. Theo had thought very little of himself and figured it would take years for something like this to happen. One night at the local club they regularly attended, Theo, feeling confident after many drinks, had asked her to dance. That ended up as their first night together. He remembered laughing to himself as his classmate, Ron, picked him up in the morning. Ron had told Theo he was glowing. Theo knew exactly what he was talking about as that was how he felt too. This all was new and exciting to Theo. He had never done anything resembling this in his 25 years of life. Drinking, going back to someone’s house, and sleeping with them. This seemed standard for other humans. He was just excited to be apart of it. What he wasn’t sure was normal were the two sober nights. It seemed odd that they continued this sexual escapade. He figured he must be doing something right. It was the two additional appointments that also confused him. Again, this was new to him, especially this part. Was this the beginning of a new relationship? Was she only interested in the sex? What’s the next move? Theo, as always, was unsure. He was over Ary but was frequently told not to jump into something too quickly. That was not his intention whatsoever. Theo was extremely fond of Fae, this is true, but he wouldn’t admit that he was actively chasing her. He was, however, just trying to live in the moment and not worry about it now. He knew eventually, if this kept up, that they would have to have that conversation. It became apparent to Theo that he was addicted. He was hooked on the uncertainty, the risk. For 10 years he had been complacent when it came to women. He had no need to care what they thought, or even visualize them as sexual partners for anything more than his spank bank. Now though, anything could happen with anyone at anytime, it seemed. It was addicting. When Fae and Theo were apart they would barely communicate. Theo would ride the ups and downs of the wave that was virtual communication. Occasionally, she would initiate conversation. This would always get Theo high. However, a few messages later she would leave him on read, as the kids say. As often as this happened to Theo, he would do the same. It was a cycle. It was stressful for him. The lows were Hades and the highs were Mount Olympus. This new found chase and run was a new feeling, and he liked it. Every time he left her place, he would leave happy, satisfied. As soon as he left he would feel despair and regret for things unsaid and unspoken, then he would feel towards the sense he would never return. Always, in the middle of the week, communication would ramp up and he’d find himself back there. Albeit a small sample size, there was a pattern. At this moment Theo had not noticed. Now they both lie in the bed, finally relaxed and cooled. “If we were quarantined for an indefinite period of time, and we weren’t in school right now, what would you be doing?” Questioned Theo. This was Theo’s favorite part of sex: pillow talk. He enjoyed it especially now because she also seemed to enjoy it. It was nice to have a partner who appreciated long, deep conversations as much as him. “Oh wow, uh...”. She paused momentarily, then snickered, “that question makes me feel like I don’t do anything or have any hobbies.” Theo laughed before replying. “Well if you couldn’t go outside for weeks, you could only watch so many movies, right? Eventually you would get bored. After lounging around and doing fuck all for a few days, what would be the next best thing you would do so you wouldn’t lose your mind? Or like what would be the first thing you would like to catch up on or spend more time doing? “Uhh ok, I know, I would be painting. I love to paint. I like to use acrylic paint mostly. I haven’t been able to do much recently and I’d love to get back into that. If you’ve looked closely you would’ve seen that I painted that fridge magnet. That’s all I have here of examples of my painting.” Theo proceeded to get out of bed, still naked, appendage swinging about. He returned momentarily. “That’s nice, I’d love to see more of your work sometime. I love when people get excited about things they do, no matter how dorky or how much I don’t understand.” He explained. “Ya, maybe sometime. For now, you’ll just have to stare at the mountains and trees on the magnet. Don’t ask for my inspiration, because I didn’t have any. Just drew cute shit.” They both chuckled. He put his head in her bosom again, where he felt comforted and safe. Only for a moment though, as he followed up the question. “Have you ever been to the mountains?’ “Ya, only one time.” She paused. “I haven’t really been away from home or out of the country. Even three years ago the farthest I had been was Edmonton and I have family there so that why. I went to Jasper a couple years ago with my family. It was so beautiful, Theo. I want to go back so bad sometime. I mean I don’t have the time right now, but sometime, maybe this summer I would like to go again, or at least somewhere like it.” She drew a large breath as she often forgot to breathe. Theo thought it was so cute and funny that she would do that. Hearing his name on another woman’s lips was also something Theo appreciated. Theo felt bad for her that she hadn’t been many places. Theo himself had been across the world. Not so much as a student of the world, or an individual trying to find their self, but a respectable amount. He had been to Italy, Greece, Mexico, across Canada, and Cuba to name a few. He knew that it was a bad time to mention that as she had been deprived of it. He also thought about saying that he would take her to the mountains again. Cooler heads prevailed though as he stopped himself in his tracks. *That would’ve been a little presumptuous and goofy,* Theo thought. He smiled and replied, “I really do hope you get to go back someday, and I hope you can travel like you seem to want to.” She smirked in response. This is what Theo loved about pillow talking, how it could start at one place and end in another. In the end, both parties would learn about each other too. He loved getting to know people. After sex with someone is the best opportunity for that as there is no longer the professional or social mask that people wear. During sex you see the ugliest parts of people; their ridiculous O-faces, or their nastiest desires. In the end, there is nothing left to hide as the mask that would conceal all your dark wants and desires is lifted. This leaves a perfect opportunity to get down to the person, Theo would tell himself. After sex, Fae’s nasty wants and desires were apparent. Even during sex they could be seen, too. Some would call her a freak. Theo just thought it was awesome that she knew what she liked. She liked it rough. Occasionally Theo would choke her, slap her ass, and squeeze her nipples. She liked the pain. Theo was always worried that he was being too aggressive. After some contemplation he understood that she would tell him if it was, as she always would tell it as it was. He enjoyed being with someone who was comfortable with their own sexuality, no matter how odd. After being with Ary for years, who wasn’t sure what she liked sexually, let alone masturbated, it was refreshing. They continued on the subject, fucked again, then slowly faded into sleep. It was 01:45 am. Morning came all too quickly. The large, clothe-ridden floor of her apartment bedroom was pierced with rays of early morning sunlight. The room was lit, almost completely it seemed. For the second consecutive time, she had forgotten to lower the shades before fading into sleep. There were two large and slender, 6’ - 0” x 3’- 0” windows. The glazing unit furthest from the bed was the same she had opened for ventilation the night prior. Theo was unsure if the window behind the bed was operable. No matter the operation, the windows were allowing in sunlight to the best of their potential. It appeared the sun’s rays were penetrating on all sides of the apartment complex. Sleeping was no longer an option. Theo did not rest well in the daylight he remembered. When he was younger, he would spend most of his free time at his friend Larry’s place. They were close when they were children now estranged. He would stay the night consistently through Elementary and High School. It was a home away from home. The windows were much larger in his house, however. The window spanned nearly the entire wall. Theo would lie in bed, awake. He would be the only one conscious, left alone to his thoughts. He would wait hours before the house was awoke. In those days he didn’t have a phone accessible within arms reach, so he would never know the time. He now found himself in a similar situation, albeit with a device to check the time. He started at the ceiling momentarily. Processing the night before, smiling, he thought of their conversations, the great sex. She had let him finish inside her. She said she had a device that prevented pregnancy. He didn’t know the complexity or details of the device, but he believed her. She had told him that the second time they fucked, even though the first occasion they didn’t use protection. He could almost hear his mother’s furious tone, instructing him to be safe. He had been safe every other sexual encounter in the past 10 years. *Fuck it,* Theo would think. It felt too good not to, even though he rarely would finish. He perceived that to be unusual as he is usually premature. These were new times, new experiences, and new sex. He continued grinning. He couldn’t believe he was here, so soon. He turned his body to her. Her back turned to him, he couldn’t help but compare. *She’s small, and long haired. She almost looks like her hair is dark in the shade of the suns arms. Those curves are similar, I mean for Christ’s sake they have the same birthmark in their ‘V’.* He reached his arm to her hips, elbow half extended. He laid his arm there. It was soft, yet rough on her scaley portion. He would often ponder that her skin reflected her personality. The typical skin was moist and plump. The odd section of skin would expose her Psoriasis. Said aloud, ‘her skin is soft and rigid’, it presented her body as an oxymoron. The comparison to her personality was that she was rigid, tough, aggressive, and sassy. At the same time, she was extremely soft and empathetic to others and their feelings. She was two things that were opposite to each other. He loved the feeling of her skin, though. Theo could tell she was a little conservative and anxious about her skin and her ailment. He did not care, he enjoyed the poetry it depicted. The rough skin almost felt nice, the way a cat’s tongue feels as it licks. After holding his hand on her hip momentarily, he determined she was not yet awake. Once again he was left alone to his thoughts. Initially, his thought were positive, euphoric in a sense. Over the course of an hour, his mind descended, as it does. It started at thoughts such as, ‘I wonder if she had a good time.’, to, ’She probably didn’t want him here anymore, or at all. She got what she needed. Your just an annoyance.’ He hadn’t thought these thoughts about anyone since Ary, two months ago. It could be assumed that was because there wasn’t another occasion where it could be possibly before today, and after the dumping. He noticed the dark pattern and tried to shake himself out of it. He told himself he had, but unconsciously continued the pattern. She rolled over, caressed his arm, indicating she was awake and melting his anxieties away. Her normally large, moist, lake-blue eyes were dry, squinty, slits. She looked tired and barely awake. “Morning.”, she mumbled out while dipping her head into the crevice between his chest and arm pit. “Morning,” Theo said while giggling at her tiredness, “How was your sleep?”. “I need more”. Theo caressed her momentarily. She reciprocated. He then removed his body from hers, and proceeded to apply undergarments and explained that he had to attend an online class. “Ugh, I should get up to.” She managed while remaining motionless. She was lazy and unmotivated. It was like her and his ex were polar opposites. Once half-clothed in underwear and kahkies, he waddled over to the couch, where he left his laptop. He opened it, attended his class, shirtless, belly exposed. He was thankful the class required no student video or he would have been laughed at extensively. The class lasted 20 minutes in what Theo had perceived to be pointless. He regretted leaving the bed, while closing his laptop. He was fully awake now. He trotted carefully back to her room. “You want breakfast?” “mmmm, yeah I would.” Theo shuffled back to her small kitchen, which still appeared as though a herd of bulls had rammed through from the night before. The night before they cooked shrimp fettucine alfredo, which required a lot of cookware. She also only had one sink, and limited counterspace, hence the mess. Theo grabbed the leftover mushrooms from the fridge along with eggs. He built fried eggs and sautéed mushrooms. He called her out to eat. While Theo had a pep in his step, Fae was sluggish. Tired, she staggered to the couch, where she usually ate. She was a slow eater, he noticed. He didn’t spite that. It was a reminder, though. He didn’t need any reminders right now. Those were negative and detrimental he thought. He ignored the thought, grabbed his food and ate beside her on the couch. They talked for a while, in between online classes. They conversed about the night before. Theo apologized for the undercooked fettucine, while she argued that they were fine. They talked about her classes. They made fun of the teachers. They laughed. It was a good morning. Though, Theo detected an increase of awkward silences as time passed. With it being now close to noon, and the fact that she had to work on a presentation, Theo determined it was time to leave. “I better get going, I have work to do, and I don’t want to bother you with your work. I hope you enjoyed me cooking for you, twice. I like feeding you. Even if my noodles are a bit on the al dante side.” He joked while putting on his coat and edging towards the door. She acknowledged he should leave. He couldn’t tell if that was what she wanted or if she was okay with him leaving. He figured she would have told him to leave if that’s what she wanted. She followed him to the door as he was installing his shoes to his feet. “I have fun when I’m here. You’re really easy to talk to. It’s great. Let’s do this again sometime. “, he said, not sure of what else to say. Then, he wasn’t sure what the next move was. Does he go for a kiss? Does he walk out the door? Hug? He was unsure. “Ya me too, I have a good time with you”. She replied with a smile. In that moment he decided: *A kiss it is.* He leaned in, anxiously smiling. She grabbed his head in closer and tangled their lips, occasionally their tongues. He figured the kiss lasted about 40 seconds. It was 40 seconds of aggressive kissing, groping, and lip biting. She lightly pressed her hand against his chest, indicating wanted separation. “You’d better go.” Fae some how said sternly while maintaining a loose smirk. Theo now regretted his decision to leave, but not the decision to lean in. He said goodbye and walked out the apartment complex down two flights of stairs. He opened the glass door leading to the exterior. He unlocked and opened the driver door of his two-door Volvo, started it and drove away. He made a point of not looking back to her second floor window which was centered over the front entrance of the building. As soon as he was out of viewing range from the apartment, he smiled ear to ear. The silence of the road with cut with a sharp, “WOOOOOOOO!”, emitting from Theo’s throat. He felt alive. Now that they were apart, the roller coaster began. Positivity was in abundance Friday, the day he went home, Saturday and Sunday. With each passing day, doubt crept into his mind. ‘Why hasn’t she texted me yet.’ Theo remembered thinking Monday morning before class. All day during various lectures Theo wondered and received no answer or text. He remembered them lying in bed, with his right leg between her two. It was a great moment, so he thought. ‘Does Fae not feel the same about that? Am I just a means to an end for her?’ Even though they had spent so much time together over the past two weeks, his mind trembled with fear. He told himself he didn’t care about her, that this was just a fling. Deep down though, he knew he could not get hurt again. Ary had done damage to him. After 10 years, 10 years, she had called him to tell him that it was over. No forecast could have predicting the downfall. He received no closure, no reassurance, nothing. She had told him the classic, it’s not you it’s me line that would be seen in 9/10 romantic comedies. Although, prior to saying this she had brought to light some character flaws of his. It was most definitely a mixed message. She left him high and dry. She left him alone. She left him shattered. He was over her, only two months later. Anxiety had taken him. The mind inside Theo had convinced him that he was nothing to her, to both of them. That he was nothing to anybody. Theo descended, self-confidence at an all time low. He spoke to no one unless out of necessity for all of Wednesday. He was shattered again, left thinking of the women who left him. Ary had never liked him, just used him for personal need, he told himself. Now Fae, too. At rock bottom, he was all alone. It was Thursday afternoon that he received a message from Fae. It was a meaningless snapchat. Theo didn’t even look at the words. He just stared at the eyes on the screen. *How could eyes possibly be that fucking moist,* Theo thought, bewildered. He left the picture open for 10 minutes, staring, before he let the picture disintegrate into virtual thin air. He didn’t even reply. He sat on his couch wondering how he got so lucky. Was it right time, right place? He would never know. He knew now that he was in the right place at the present. Now he was on top of the wave. He was euphoric. Despite not answering then, conversation had commenced, as the pattern would typically follow. They had arranged another meeting at her apartment for Saturday afternoon. They planned nothing but to spend time together. Saturday, as he left to her place as to arrive fashionably late, he began to worry. The worries stretched from, ‘what do I say?’ to, ’am I replacing Ary? Am I doing what I was told by so many not to do?’. He didn’t care, he was over her. If that was were the wave was headed, then follow it. He continued, feeling light, feeling free. His phone rang in his right-side pocket. While driving he pulled it out. The smile on his face diffused as the word ‘Aryanne:)’ displayed on the center of the screen with an option in red, and an option in green below. While waiting to decide his path he arrived at the apartment. The Volvo was now parked directly across from the window centered above the entry. Fae stared at him through the window, smiling, as he tapped on the green option on his phone.


One day, the Angel-named Emil-is left alone in the cage that he spends all of his time in. The metal bars dig into his knees and the chains around his wrists and ankles rattle with each movement, catching on his skin and scraping it raw. There’s dried blood on his back, infected wounds all over his skin and Emil thinks there is nothing worse than this. Even Hell itself is a better fate. At one point he thinks he can see the figure of a tall, slender man leaned up against the corner of the room. He has a familiar way about him; the way he stands is so casual, so friendly... something that Emil hasn’t been used to in a long time now. He’s dressed in a French Soldier’s uniform, hands coated with dirt, hair a disheveled mess from being beneath a hat for quite some time. The man is dirty, but he’s inviting... something Emil finds comforting. Still there is this familiarity about him and the Angel whimpers, reaching out a chained hand to try and grasp at him. Alas, he is too far. The man steps forward, just in reach of the cage and he crouches down in front of the bars, reaching a hand through to touch Emil. His fingers are gentle across his wrist and the Angel lets out another whimper, trying to scoot closer into the touch, so deprived of it. Now that the man is closer, Emil does recognize him... they fought together, so long ago now it feels like. “Ludvig...?” Emil’s voice is hoarse from lack of use; he isn’t sure the last time he’s had a proper drink of water either and speaking feels like scraping his throat raw. “Gosh, Emil. Didn’t recognize me?” The man has a playful smirk on his lips and Emil huffs a tired chuckle, glancing down at the wood panels beneath the cage. “No... no, not at first. How did you- how did you find me?” “We always find each other, Emil... don’t we?” Ludvig tilts his head with a small smile, and the Angel nods. Ludvig keeps brushing his fingertips gently across the skin of Emil’s forearm, but Emil can’t actually feel anything. It’s odd, but... “Yeah, I guess so. Ludvig, can you...” Emil chokes on a breath, lips parted as a tear falls down a dirt stained cheek. “Can you let me out?” “Let you out?” He laughs, shaking his head. “What do you mean?” The question confuses Emil, because how clear could he even be? “Of the... the cage, Ludvig, what else?” His voice sounds so weak and there is that confusion laced in it as he watches Ludvig, who just stares at him with a mostly blank expression. “Are you playing jokes on me, Emil? There’s no cage.” Ludvig chuckles, and all of a sudden the Angel is being wrapped in a warm hug and Ludvig is right- there isn’t a cage, not at all. Instead they are in a grassy field sitting comfortably beneath a willow tree, the wind blowing gently through their hair. Emil tilts his head to look up at Ludvig, who leans down to capture Emil’s lips in a gentle kiss. It isn’t warm, isn’t cold... just a kiss. Emil chooses not to focus on the fact he cannot feel it, instead just running his fingers up through the light brown strands of Ludvig’s hair. “No cage... I’m free?” Emil says it like a question, looking around at the grass around them, taking in the leaves scattered throughout the field and the windmill turning several feet away. Emil feels a relief that takes the weight off his shoulders, leaning into Ludvig tiredly. Like finally, he’s done fighting. He’s safe. ... But is he? Still even this close Ludvig’s touch feels distant, like something he craves so badly but is just out of reach. No matter how hard Emil tries, he will never quite reach through the bars and grasp a friendly hand. The Angel looks upward at Ludvig, squinting in the sunlight. Something feels... it feels off, and Emil isn’t sure why. Ludvig looks real-- sounds real even but he doesn’t feel real. Emil’s lips part and he lets out a quiet breath, brown eyes tracing every line of Ludvig’s face as if committing it to memory. “Ludvig...” “Yes, Angel?” Emil smiles at the nickname, rubbing at his knee; the action hurts but not his knee, his wrists. They hurt, sitting here with nothing hitting up against them-- they hurt. “You’re not real... are you?” Emil chokes on the words, more tears rolling down his cheeks. Ludvig notices and wipes them away, concern clear in his gaze. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, holding Emil’s face in his hands and then suddenly they are back in that room... Emil back in that cage. Ludvig is on the outside of the bars, holding them gently as he had been holding Emil’s face. He frowns again, leaning closer to the bars as he watches Emil. “... You want me to be.” The words strike through Emil like a knife to the heart. He didn’t want to be right. “I need you to be.” Emil cries, and it hurts his throat. “I need you to be,” He starts repeating this like a mantra, rocking forward in the cage with blood dripping down his forearms from the wounds around his wrists, having reopened them with the constant movement of his chains. “Emil... Emil, I’m not, but- you’ve gotta hold on. One day I will be and we don’t want to miss that, right?” Ludvig, or this mirage of him, tries to reassure Emil, still just holding onto the bars of the cage. His image is starting to get fuzzy, slowly starting to fade into the background, and Emil watches as he flickers in and out of his vision. Not real... not real. It’s just another reminder and Emil sobs, reaching his hand out to try and grasp the other but the reach is too far. “Don’t leave me... don’t leave me alone here, I can’t do this without you.” He hiccups, voice still weak. “I’m not real, Emil. You have to help yourself.” Ludvig is slowly fading out now, the more Emil fully realizes that Ludvig really is in fact not there. He sniffs, looking down for a moment. “O-okay... okay.” Emil isn’t sure if he could, but he has to. He will, for this visage of Ludvig that his mind conjured up. He’s about to say something else when he looks up, noticing that Ludvig is gone and Emil is once again left alone in the cage, with nothing but his overwhelming thoughts. Grief, sadness, anger... pain . He feels so much all at once and the only way Emil can deal with it right now is by curling in on himself, forehead to the ground and knees tucked beneath him as he sobs into the wooden floor. Emil will wait. He will wait until the day that Ludvig being there is real, and that’s what will keep him going. Seeing the love of his life again... ... For real this time.