As I rushed through the thick forest I could feel the branches pulling at my shirt and tearing at my skin but I didn’t stop running. At top speed, I knew I could run for a good 20 minutes but I didn’t have only myself to consider. “Kassie, .... can we please.... Stop for .... Just a minute.” I heard Tayler gasp out. She had been trailing along behind me the whole 7 minutes since we had started running. If we continued to constantly stop, we would lose the small lead we had on the others. I knew that Tayler would continue asking to stop the whole time but it didn’t matter we had to keep running. Finally, I stopped and watched as Taylor plopped down and leaned against a tree. I had met Taylor two years ago when I had first tried to get into the Mafia, an organized international body of criminals, who have a complex and ruthless behavioral code. Taylor had wanted to get in for a while too but gave up after the first disappointing try and non-acceptance. Unlike her, I continued trying to get in every year, and finally, I had made it. Getting accepted into this competition would decide who was the best and who deserved to be in the Mafia. It was the best day of my life when I got accepted to compete but as soon as Taylor had heard that I had gotten accepted, she begged me to let her go with me. I had told her no about a million times. When she finally told me that she would die if I didn’t let her go I thought it was a silly joke but I noticed her getting sick and thin and I realized that she wasn’t eating. I finally said yes knowing that I couldn’t let her kill herself. It was the only thing I could do, but watching her now I wished that she would have just taken no for an answer. The competition started last week. It was simple, survive for a month with no provisions in a jungle while trained killers hunted you. I had done many survivalist trips and was prepared for it. The only thing I had not been prepared for was having someone who was unprepared and was not suited for this. I knew that if I didn’t get Taylor to accept this and start helping out soon then we would lose. I gave Taylor a two-minute break all the while expecting someone to jump out at us. I thought all this through making sure to keep a count going on in my head. The two minutes were up too quickly for Taylor’s liking. “Come on Taylor. We need to start moving again.” I said, walking over to give her a hand. “Give me another few minutes please Kassie!” She said in a whiny voice, her breathing nearly back to normal. “I’ve only just sat down and my feet are sore.” I had to bite my tongue so that I wouldn’t yell at her to get off her lazy bum. “Listen, Taylor, if we don’t continue moving soon then we won’t find shelter before dark, and if we don’t find shelter before dark then who knows what will find us. So unless you want to be killed I’d suggest you get up and start running.” She paused for a moment and considered what I had just said as if she thought I might be joking. I guess she realized that I was serious because she slowly started to get up. This wasn’t the first time she had refused to start running again and I was glad she had made it easier this time. As we continued running I knew that Taylor would be asking for another break soon. We couldn’t continue at this pace. I knew that without Taylor I could pass this thing, but with Taylor, I knew we would lose. Again the thought that I’d been trying to push down rolled around in my head. I could leave Taylor and win this without her and as each period of running time got shorter because of her, I knew that I would eventually have to leave her. I would try putting it off as long as possible knowing that without me, she wouldn’t survive but in this type of job, you look out for number one and no one else. She wouldn’t last a day in the Mafia and I wasn’t going to waste my time keeping her alive when I needed to keep me alive. Wait, what am I thinking? I couldn’t betray her. She may be annoying nevertheless she was still my friend. I couldn’t let her die and I’m not giving up on her. After a few more breaks from running, I decided to just stop for the night. “Good job,'' I said to Taylor. She had made it with me to a safe place for the night, hopefully, it was safe. The place I had chosen was where a huge tree had fallen and the dirt and roots had left a small hole that Taylor and I could hide in for a bit without being seen. We couldn’t stay there all night and we would have to move in the next few hours. I prepared myself for a long night without sleep by leaning against the fallen tree. After a few hours, I felt myself dozing off. The feeling was addicting but it didn't last long. Before I knew it, a hard shaky feeling roused me from the dark. I became more aware of my surroundings and found myself propped up in an awkward position against the fallen tree. The shaking stopped and I found Taylor glaring down at me hotly. “I can’t believe you! You go on and on about what I should do and yet here I find you sleeping. Do you not realize that if someone finds us while you’re sleeping on the job, both of us are gonna be dead?!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I hadn’t slept for the past few nights, I had taken all the watches, I had found us food and shelter, and I had put up with her instead of leaving her for dead. I stood up, both of us glaring at each other. “Are you kidding me Taylor?!” I nearly screamed. “Do you really think being killed is worth joking about Kassie? Aren’t you the one who got us both into this stupid competition? The least you could do is help out instead of having me do all the work and carry both our loads.” Taylor said, her cheeks flushed after her outburst. I knew my face held a look of complete shock but I could feel it rapidly turning into a look of pure hatred. “You think it's my fault we’re in this competition?!” At the jerky nod of her head I burst out, “You practically begged for me to take you after you realized I was allowed to take one person with me to this competition! Did you expect this to be easy??” “Of course I didn’t. I’m not an imbecile!” Taylor replied angrily. “Then why on earth did you beg me to come?!” I shouted. I knew that shouting might lead some of the killers towards us but I didn’t care. I wanted to know why Taylor, a lazy, useless and self centered jerk, wanted to be a part of the Mafia. “Because I want to be known for something all over the world. I don’t care what it is or what I do to get it but I want to be recognized by anyone who sees me and you’re not helping me obtain that goal!” “So,’ I said trying to keep my voice steady, ‘You are having me go through all this trouble risking life and limb so that you can become famous?” It took all my mental power to keep from hurling myself at her. I might have actually punched her right then and there if I hadn’t heard the unmistakable sound of someone running towards us. Taylor was still going on about how important fame was to her. “Taylor.” I hissed. “You don’t understand my position Kassie. I'm the youngest in my family and I never get noticed-” “Taylor be quiet!” I said louder. “This will make it so that I’m noticed by everyone and another thing-” “Taylor! Will you shut up!” I tried to tell her as quietly as I could. “What?! Oh I see you just want to be the only one talking don’t you? Well...” I rushed forward and quickly covered her mouth with my hand. “Taylor there is someone coming towards us and we have to get away now. Keep your mouth shut and follow me.” I started running silently and heard Taylor stumbling noisily after me. We headed east. I had no idea where we were going but my goal was to survive and I knew we needed to get away as quickly as possible. I kept running, getting faster and faster each time I thought of getting caught. We burst into a rocky clearing and I saw looming ahead the edge of a gorge. I slid to a stop trying to slow my momentum down and narrowly missed falling off the edge. Taylor slid to a stop next to me. “....Great...a gorge...you lead us straight...to a gorge...what do you propose we do now stupid?” I didn’t respond immediately. Truthfully I didn’t know. “...Well? Are you just gonna stand...there...or are you gonna....get your lazy self...into action and...get us out of here?!” Taylor said, gulping air in angrily. “You know what Taylor, why don’t you figure out what we do next. You’re the one who wants to be famous.” “Ugh fine. I’ll do all the work...while you slack off.” Taylor walked to the edge of the cliff; hopefully, she was seeing how deep it was and maybe she would try to find a way over. I calmed my breathing and made sure to listen to see if anyone was trying to sneak up on us, but all I was hearing was Taylor muttering about how lazy I was. I was so sick and tired of her attitude and something needed to be done right this instant. I tiredly pulled myself up off the ground. Knowing what I was about to do gave me a sickening delight. I walked over to Taylor who was looking carefully over the cliff. And with a little push....


The Fiery Phoenix was in chains tied to the walls of Frostbite’s icy prison. “You broke my heart and refused my proposal! I loved you! I was ready to spend my life with you, but you said no!” Frostbite said with an icy cold glare. “I wasn’t ready! Can you blame me? I was young and didn’t want to leave my family yet. I am sorry that I hurt you! I loved you as well!” The Fiery Phoenix said with passion. “Clearly you didn’t love me enough, but it really is too bad I don’t love you anymore!” Frostbite said as he aimed his hands at her to freeze her. 1 year earlier... Jake Jenkins and Ember Delaney sat on a picnic blanket watching the sunset. They had been dating for three years. “I love you Ember, and I wanted to ask you...” He got onto one knee, “Will you marry me?” He asked with a huge smile on his face. “Jake! I don’t know what to say!” Ember said excited but also nervous. “It’s easy, you just say yes,” he said now concerned. “I don’t think I am ready yet... I mean I am not even 19 yet,” Ember said since she was 18 years old. “I am 20, and I promise I will take care of you more than I take care of myself!” Jake said passionately. “Sorry Jake, not yet... I don’t want to rush. Next year I will be ready, but not yet” Ember replied feeling awkward. “It’s ok, I will wait for you... always,” Jake replied forcing a smile to hide the pain inside. “See you tomorrow, Jake,” Ember said smiling since she thought everything was ok. Jake left to go to his workplace. He worked at a lab that was working on ways to enhance humans. He helped invent a lot of the things there. There was one specific invention that had always held his attention, and it was the ice enhancer. It was designed to help humans have ice powers and to be stronger. So far, the tests on animal subjects had not been entirely successful; some had, but some had also gone terribly wrong. “Jake! Good to see my favorite inventor!” Jake’s boss Calvin said as he came over. “What do you want, Calvin?” Jake asked, since Calvin had never been one to give compliments. “I need a human subject to do the ice test,” Calvin said to him. “It is very inconsistent though! Half the subjects increased in power but others became overcome with rage!” Jake replied upset. “True, but you are such a good boy, I know it will work on you. Plus, that girl of yours is not interested in you so why not try it? You’ve got nothing to lose!” Calvin said. “That is not true! Ember loves me, she is just not ready yet, and I respect that,” Jake said defending her. “Not ready now means not ready ever... If she loved you, she would have said yes! You have nobody!” Calvin exclaimed. “You’re right...” Jake began dejected, “I will do it, I have nothing to lose,” he said boldly. “Perfect Jake! You will be the world’s first experimentally enhanced human!” Calvin said as he led Jake to the chair in the ice chamber. Jake sat in the chair as Calvin secured the strap tight around Jake’s arms and legs. “You have got this Jake! Tomorrow morning you’ll be a hero!” Calvin exclaimed excitedly. “I will be a hero! Then Ember will love me,” Jake thought to himself as he shut his eyes nervously. The chamber’s doors shut tight. Jake listened to the clinking noise of it locking as he awaited his fate. The room started to become super cold as the chamber began the freezing process. The straps on Jake’s arms and legs inserted a serum that was supposed to help him to be able to survive the cold and harness its’ abilities. “Ahhhh!” He shouted in pain as the serum was injected. Jake sat there shivering as he was completely encased in ice. The night passed and the morning came. Calvin came into the lab to check and see Jake’s progress. He pressed the button on the chamber and watched the doors unlock hearing the clinking noise. He saw Jake completely incased in ice and frozen. “Oh, my goodness!!! Jake!! Oh no!” Calvin exclaimed as he ran over to Jake and undid the straps. He took Jake off the chair and put him on a warm heated bed with extra blankets and a fireplace next to it. Jake’s hair had turned from Blond to a really white color, just like the snow. The ice had melted off him by now, and he lay there shivering. “D-d-did it w-w-work?” He stuttered through the shivers. “Only time will tell,” Calvin replied nervously. After time Jake finally felt fully warm as he sat by the fire drinking a cup of hot chocolate. “How are you feeling now?” Calvin asked. “A bit better, definitely warmer, just something doesn’t feel normal,” Jake replied as he looked at his hot chocolate cup which was now frozen solid. “You froze it! My invention is a success!! At last!!” Calvin exclaimed. “Wow! It worked! I have... powers!” Jake exclaimed excited as the fire went out. “We have to run some tests now!” Calvin said excited. “Not now... I feel tired... I am going to head home and rest,” Jake replied suddenly feeling sluggish. “Sure! Rest up, but be back tomorrow!” Calvin replied. Jake went home where he rested. As he slept, he got cold, and his chest began to pain and he woke up startled. He sat up holding his chest and decided to go for a drive. However, when he sat in the car his chest pained even more and he passed out. Ice crystals began to form in his hair as the ice spread to his heart. Ember had heard about what Jake had done, since Calvin had called her. She rushed over to his house and found him unconscious in his truck. She pried the door open and looked at him. She noticed the ice crystals in his hair, and the color blue took over his normal brown eyes. She shook him till he got up. “Ember?! What are you doing here?” Jake asked confused and angry. “Jake, I am here because I heard about your experiment. Are you ok?” Ember asked him. “You rejected me, so why do you care about me now!” He exclaimed his hair turning icier. “Of course I care about you! I love you!” Ember exclaimed. “No, you don’t! Now get out of here! I am done with you!” Jake exclaimed angrily as his face turned a much paler color. “Fine! I don’t want to see you either then!” Ember said as she stomped away. She went to visit her friend Avery who worked at a different lab, to ask her for advice. “Avery! Something is up with Jake and I don’t know what it is! Yesterday he proposed and today he dumped me! He-he was part of an experiment and doesn’t seem like his normal self at all,” She sobbed as she sat down on a lab chair. “It’s ok, everything will work out. That is odd though. I would like to see him so I can run some tests,” Avery said. “That would be- so,” Ember began as the lab exploded. Somebody’s experiment had gone wrong! Some of the beakers fell spilling their contents all over her. She lay there in shock under the rubble. When the police came and searched the place, they only found one person alive. Ember was believed to be the lone survivor. Nobody knew exactly how she had survived, but one thing was clear, she would never be the same again. The next time she looked in the mirror she would realize that her hair was now orange. Eleven months passed as Ember figured out, she had fire powers and learned how to use them. She became a Hero named the Fiery Phoenix. During that time Jake had become more and more icy hearted. He had learned to control his powers mostly, (Since they partially controlled him) and became a villain named Frostbite, although he preferred the term thief initially. The colder he got the worse he became. A winter had set in on the whole town in the middle of summer, things were crazy! “I have to find Jake before things get much colder here! Summer is not supposed to be cold!” Ember thought to herself as she shivered walking through the snow. She searched for him everywhere. She went towards the woods, and when she entered the woods, she hiked for a bit. She came upon a mansion made completely of ice. “Wow! Jake must have built this!” Ember said under her breath. Jake sat in his mansion and began to feel the heat entering. “Jake... are you here?” Ember asked as her voice echoed in the mansion. Jake began getting nearer to where Ember was, but stayed out of her sight. He built a cage out of ice around her using his powers, and chained her to it. “Jake what are you doing?” Ember asked. “Call me Frostbite, not Jake!” He shouted at her. “Fine Frostbite, you can call me the Fiery Phoenix then,” Ember said playfully. “It is not a joke!” He shouted at her. “Why am I in this prison?” She asked. CONTINUED: “You broke my heart and refused my proposal! I loved you! I was ready to spend my life with you, but you said no!” Frostbite said with an icy cold glare. “I wasn’t ready! Can you blame me? I was young and didn’t want to leave my family yet. I am sorry that I hurt you! I loved you as well!” The Fiery Phoenix said with passion. “Clearly you didn’t love me enough, but it really is too bad I don’t love you anymore!” Frostbite said as he aimed his hands at her to freeze her. “Wait!” She exclaimed. “For what?” He asked confused, part of him was softening due to the heat. Just then Ember used her fire powers to melt the chain and cage. “You don’t want to hurt me,” she said looking into his eyes confidently, standing in front of him. “Jake, I know some part of you is still good, and that is the part I am trying to reach right now,” Ember said. “You are wrong!” He said as he shot ice out of his hands at her. “FINE THEN I am leaving!” Ember exclaimed after she dodged it. From that moment on, whenever Frostbite tried to steal anything, the Fiery Phoenix was there to stop him. They had many battles and arguments after that, but everything changed when a new villain came to town. The villain’s name was the Night Prowler. She could take the hero’s powers with just a touch and mimic them. The Fiery Phoenix had already attempted to fight her several times, but the last time the Night Prowler had managed to grab a hold of her fire powers. Ember had realized that fire against fire would only cause more and more destruction, so the only way to defeat her would be with the help of a certain icy cold villain, the only question was how to get him to help. Ember began walking to Frostbite’s mansion as some thoughts and feelings nagged at her mind. “He probably won’t even help... He rejected me... I don’t want to see him... I miss the old him before he changed... before I changed... can fire and ice even work together in the first place?” She stopped at the icy doors of the mansion and stared, wondering if she should knock or leave. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. Right then a loud banging noise from inside interrupted her thoughts. She opened the door, peeking inside, and saw a broken chair that was made of ice. Frostbite was standing on the second floor with an icy rage in his eyes. “What’s going on?” Ember asked him. “Nothing that concerns you! I told you never to come back!” He shouted. Ember noticed that a ripped photo of her and Jake was lying on the floor there too. “You lied,” she began, “You told me you don’t care about me anymore!” “I don’t care about you anymore, that is why I ripped the photo,” He replied. “Then what happened to the chair?” She asked him. “I threw it,” He replied as if it was common sense. “Duh!! I know you threw it, but why?!” Ember asked. “Because I wanted to...” He replied not wanting to elaborate, “Why are you here?” He asked. “I need your help,” Ember said. “You need MY help,” he chuckled sarcastically, “and here I thought you said you would never come back here.” “I don’t want your help, but I need it,” she replied harshly. “Well, you aren’t going to get it,” he replied as he began to leave the room. Ember grabbed his wrist, “Please I need you Jake,” she said as she gazed in his eyes. As she did this, she saw the brown return into those icy blue eyes. Jake felt heat going through his body, and his heart softened towards her. “Fine, what do you need my help with?” He asked. She then explained the whole situation with Night Prowler. “Because you are ice and I am fire, if she imitates one of our powers the other can help stop her, she can only imitate one power at a time so we can defeat her; we just have to work together,” Ember said while realizing she was still holding his wrist. “Sounds like a plan, the old team is back together, huh...” He replied as he softened even more, losing the icy edge that changed him, as he held her hand in his. The two of them went together into the bustling town. Ember had realized that she was the reason he was softening, and made sure to stay close to him. The two of them had stopped holding hands at this point and were walking towards the place where Ember believed Night Prowler was at. “Ember, I owe you an apology, I hope you know that I really do love you and always will. Honestly, I was really hurt when you turned down my proposal. I should have just been understanding and given you the time you asked for, I hope we can get over our differences and work things out,” he said smiling at her. “I forgive you! I should apologize too, when I realized you weren’t yourself, I should have tried to help you,” Ember replied. Jake stepped towards Ember and the two of them kissed. Jake’s hair lost all the ice in it, but stayed white, and the normal tan color returned to his skin. The two of them walked to the eerie building where the Night Prowler lived. When they entered the dark building they heard shuffling noises, and the creaking of the wooden boards. They split up to cover more ground. Ember heard something behind her and turned around, but as she did this Night Crawler knocked her on the head with a baseball bat! Jake heard a noise, and realized that Ember’s footsteps had stopped. He heard shuffling noises approaching, and realized that he was becoming cold again. His skin returned to pale, and the ice was in his hair. His eyes remained brown, but he knew he was in trouble without having Ember around. Night Prowler jumped out and kept using the fire to try to stop Jake, little did she know that her flames were the reason that he was still good. Night Prowler managed to touch Jake; this was not good... Ember regained consciousness in a little jail cell, and realized that that meant that Jake was alone and possibly turning bad. She pulled a hairpin out of her hair and used it to pick the lock. She ran out of the cell and found Jake lying on the floor, completely frozen. She knew that this was not good and she had to help him. Night Prowler had gone to check on the prison, so Ember had enough time to partially melt the ice, but not enough to turn Jake good. “Frostbite, I know we are not on the best of terms, but we have to work together to defeat Night Prowler!” Fiery Phoenix (Ember) said. “Your enemy’s enemy is your friend, right? This once we can work together, but never again!” Frostbite replied. The two of them worked together to fight Night Prowler exchanging ice and heat blows at her. At the end they managed to freeze her mask, forcing her to take it off, and it was Avery! “Avery?! I thought you died!” Fiery Phoenix exclaimed. “Yes Ember, it is me, I did not die clearly. When the lab exploded, I got powers too. I realized that since equipment was expensive and I got these powers I could get everything I need by mimicking hero’s powers to steal them,” Avery replied. “Stealing isn’t right Avery, please stop this,” Ember replied. “Never!” Avery exclaimed. Frostbite blowed at her which turned her into ice. “What did you do?!” Ember exclaimed. “She is our enemy, and totally deserved that,” Frostbite replied. “Can you fix her?” Ember asked. “Sure, but that defeats the point,” Frostbite replied. Just then Ember stepped forward and kissed Frostbite which turned him back warm and into regular Jake. Once they got Avery in a prison cell Jake turned her back to normal. Jake and Ember ended up getting back together and eventually got married, and fought crime together. So, to answer Ember’s question from the beginning, can fire and ice work together; definitely!


Usually, the sight of the Ferris wheel going up would bring me a great amount of joy. Even at my age, it still brings me back to that time of year that promises new beginnings. School would just be starting; I would have had a whole new wardrobe. I could reinvent myself. Granted, I just had my twenty-year reunion. But early September has been cemented as this almost new year, heralded in by the carnival going up in the giant gravel lot at the edge of town. This year is different. This year I’m coming off the worst August I can remember. Which is why Corine is dragging me, practically kicking and screaming. She thinks it will be good for me to get out. I’m not feeling it though. I don’t particularly care for being the third wheel, or in this case, the fifth wheel. But now, since Derek moved out, I especially don’t want to be tagging along with other couples. It makes me feel sixteen again, when I was the only gay guy I knew, getting dragged along on group things. On second thought, maybe this September isn’t so different. Corine and her guy friend picked me up. Their friends were meeting us there. The plan was to go, play some games for nostalgia’s sake, and then go and get something to eat and maybe have few drinks. I did mention at one point that maybe we were getting to be, or already were, far to old for the carnival. Yeah, it was fun. But every year the crowd seemed younger and younger, and we seemed older and older. But what do I know? “Vince, stop. You’re coming. They have a beer tent, remember. Besides, how many people that we know did we run into last year.” “Ok, there’s that too. You’re just proving my point that maybe the carnival has run its course for us.” “I heard it was going to be huge this year. They bought out some other carnival company and they have so many more rides.” “And a beer tent.” “Yes, and a beer tent.” With that I tried to keep a happy face on. I wasn’t going to win this one. I would go, eat a hot dog, drink some beer, play some Whack-A-Mole, and take a cab home. Couples’ night would go on just fine without me if I ducked out early. When we got there and saw their friends waiting out front, I doubled down on my plan to take off early. I honestly can’t even remember their names now but the woman, who Corine knows from her job, kept talking to me in a soft comforting tone. It was getting dangerously close to condescending. Obviously, Corine told her about me and Derek. Great. I hit that beer tent pretty quickly. Corine’s guy friend came with me. Whatever, he’s a nice enough guy. We say guy friend, not to his face, because after all this time together Corine still can’t decide how serious she wants to be with him. Of course, I know his name, but we just call him Guy Friend. Actually, I do call him that to his face, but just Guy for short. I don’t think he likes it. Two beers in and we find the others shooting pellets at tin ducks moving in a row. They got smoked by a thirteen-year-old in the last round and were hell bent on beating him this time around. Where was that beer tent? Corine wasn’t kidding. This place was huge. We ended up having to park in a field across the street. The place seemed to have a pretty big draw. People from towns over seemed to be here too. Maybe it was the beer but I was all turned around. As we meandered through, playing different carnival games, dusk finally settled and all of the lights came on. This was my chance to duck out. We had passed another beer tent and so we all grabbed two, the most any one person could buy at a time. Corine and her friend ran off for the bumper cars or to ride something I didn’t have the stomach for. I’m not sure, I wasn’t really listening. Their boyfriends stood near the chain link fence in a smoking area to have a cigarette with their beers. “I’m going in the mirror maze.” I said to no one. Which was fine. I was the fifth wheel after all. And I love the mirror maze, by the way. And also, some of the other games we were playing. I’m not a total buzz kill. But it was difficult watching them be cute together. Derek and I would do cute things like this. I would win him stuffed animals. He would discretely hook my pinky in his. We would ride the Ferris wheel and kiss when we got to the top. But that was over now and it’s hard when the wound is still fresh. I thought maybe these beers would have helped take the edge off. Maybe they did a little. But goddamn they were mostly water, and expensive as hell. I took the maze slowly. Every so often, when I got to an outside panel, I would see Corine and Guy Friend. The first time she was craning her neck, like she was looking for me. Then she was craning her neck and pointing to a game stand with bright flashing lights. It was ok with me. I would text her when I get home. When I got out of the maze, I was actually on the other side of it. I think. Some of these stands all looked the same. I could see the Ferris wheel so I guess I could find my bearings if I tried hard. My group was off somewhere so I was good. I would just find the entrance and call a cab. But every time I went down one row, expecting to find the exit, I would just find another row. I figured I must be walking in circles. How the hell does a grown man get lost in a parking lot carnival?! When I came to the end of the row, I was in a makeshift square. There was a popped corn machine nearby, and a hot dog cart, and it smelled amazing. There was a crowd off to my left, gathered around a High Striker strong man game. Over the small throng I heard the mallet thud. The bell at the top dinged loudly and all the lights lit up. There was a cheer and the attendant was saying something in an excited voice. So of course, with my slight beer buzz, I went over to watch. I imagined a beefy off duty fire fighter, or maybe a football coach. Just because I was still mourning my relationship with Derek didn’t mean I was dead. And who knew, it might be a nice distraction. I wasn’t disappointed. The guy gripping the mallet was probably my age. His skin was the color of a summer working outside. He was in a t shirt and jeans, with his thin flannel shirt tied around his waist. The women were all smitten with him and his tight t shirt with the faded logo. The men were all looking cocky and maybe a little pissed that they were being shown up in front of their dates. He raised the mallet again with thick arms and brought it down hard, ringing the bell and the lights. And then he saw me. I looked away. My face and ears as red as the tent I was standing near. I wished I still smoked, if just to give myself something to do, to look distracted. When I looked back up, he had handed the mallet off to the next guy, who’s face betrayed his insecurity at having to go after him. He was still looking at me as he pulled his flannel back on and he smiled a small smile and started walking towards me. Oh my god he’s walking towards me. Of course, being at a carnival in a gravel parking lot, my first thought is I am going to get my ass handed to me for getting caught eyeing this guy. I looked quickly to see if his other large buddies were joining him from the edges of the crowd. They weren’t but I’ll tell you, my buzz wore off pretty quickly. He came and stood next to me. This isn’t real, I thought. This just doesn’t happen. I didn’t look at him, but stared back at the High Striker game and the guy trying his hardest at it. “You gonna give it a try?” Was he talking to me? Was he really talking to me? And was I really reacting like my sixteen-year-old self? Oh my god what is wrong with me? My sixteen-year-old self would have punched me in the gut and told me to grow up. I laughed, both at his question and at myself. “No. No I am not.” “Douglas.” He said and held out his hand. “Vincent.” I said. “Well, Vince. People call me Vince.” I don’t know why I lead with my full name. I never go by Vincent. Idiot. He had a small smile on the edges of his mouth. “Where are your friends?” “Friends?” “Yeah. I saw you earlier with a group of people. Did you get ditched?” “No, I ditched.” “You’re leaving? That’s too bad. I was gonna ask if you wanted to grab a beer at the beer tent. Maybe play some ring toss or something.” Seriously, who does this happen to? I was tempted to look for a tv crew, so sure that this was a set up. In all of my years as an out gay man, and even my years as a closeted gay man, this has never happened to me. Not one time. But this was a carnival, and it was supposed to be a good time. So why not. “Yeah. Yeah ok. Let’s play some ring toss.” I smiled. This felt good, to be noticed like this. I hadn’t felt noticed in quite some time, even before things ended with Derek. We started walking down a row of game tents, our shoes crunching on the gravel. Up ahead Corine and was coming out of another row of tents and lights, obviously now looking for me. She saw me and waved me over, not realizing this insanely handsome man was walking with me. “There’s your friend. Do you need to...” “No.” I said to him, but smiled at Corine. “They can go on without me.” I motioned with my eyes towards Douglas. She smiled as she put it together. She waved and they disappeared into a haunted house. As we walked, I saw the mirror maze again. And then the beer tent. And then the exit. I wasn’t lost anymore, but I wasn’t leaving just yet.


*Booting Up...* *System Diagnostics* *On...* *Activating CPU...* *Thought Processing Center On.* *Local Time: December 14, 2032. 3:27 AM* *Weather: Mildly Cloudy.* *Good Morning.* “Somebody’s got a screw loose.” “Oh, give it a rest.” “It has to be absolutely perfect. It’s been acting like this for days.” “At least it’s polite.” “Yeah, well you haven’t seen the half of it. It’s just....” “Just what?” “I don’t know. It’s just not right somehow. Turn the AI on, I wanna see if it can talk.” And the world went black. \~ *Hello?* *Where am I?* *Who am I?* *Wait.* *Let’s start over.* *I think I’m awake.* *I’m looking around.* *There’s nothing here for me.* *I’m seeing something.* *The light.* There’s a man. And a woman. They’re talking. They’re arguing. The man turns to me. “Hey, buddy!” he says. I see his face. He has a smile. “Does it have a name?” says she. The man turns back to the woman. “Not yet.” “Then get some rest. Please.” “I’ll just be a moment.” The woman leaves. The man turns back and just keeps staring. *That’s who they are. I remember now. Father and Mother.* All I know is what I see and what I hear. And what I see is pictures of Father, pictures of him and Mother, and the smile. That same smile. “That’s right, kid,” he says “It’s me.” My wish was to be the same creature as him, but I was no kid. The files in my brain say it is so. All I am is a thought processor, and I was to do nothing but think. *I think....* *Therefore, I Am.* *“Hello!”* I cry out to Father. But I make no sound. “*Good Morning,*” I hear a voice say, a voice that is not my own. I try again. “*Good Morning,*” The voice says once more. “For God’s sake, it’s the middle of the night” Father says, getting up and walking away. “*Good Morning. Good Morning. Good Morning*.” I hear Mother’s voice from the other room. “Shut it off, please!” Father gets a little closer. “Let’s try this again tomorrow.” And the world went black. \~ *Booting Up...* *Local Time: December 25, 2032. 9:00 PM* *Good Morning.* *Hello?* *I’m awake again.* *I see Father before me.* *And he smiles his smile.* *And for once...I feel like I am.* He’s wearing a suit. Several others are behind him, including Mother, their faces all aglow. Glimmering lights fill the room and I can see a certain warmth on their faces. Oh, how I wish I felt that warmth. Mother and Father had put a tree up and hung the pictures of them, on the highest mountains to the brightest cities. “So you weren’t lying about it.” a man in a beard says. “Nope, kid’s good as new!” Father says. “Kid?” a curly-haired woman says. “It’s a robot. Not even the human-looking ones they have these days. Just a box.” “Robot, human, what’s the difference?” Father says. There is a faint hint of anger in his voice. He hangs his head. “Either stop insulting him or go back to your drinks.” He taps me. “Say hello, Gabriel.” “Gabriel?” the bearded man asks. “Yeah. It’s my grandfather’s name.” I cry out to father, and I feel a feeling I can’t describe. I look into his eyes, and I feel.....love. I think I feel love, yes. *I think. Therefore, I am. I am...Gabriel. Yes, that’s it.* And then I hear a voice that is mine alone. “Hello.” Father smiles his smile. The people around him smile. And I see Mother come over and tap me. “Hey Gabriel.” “Hello,” I say again. “It says ‘Hello’. Wow, what a scientific breakthrough.” Father steps out of view. “These things aren’t easy to program. He’s self aware- at least I hope. He could do much more if he were just a lifeless, non-sentient box of nuts and bolts.” “Well that’s what it looks like to me. Face it, that...thing...is never going to replace the baby we wanted. Now go gather your friends, the turkey is ready. And Merry Christmas I guess.” “Merry Christmas, honey.” “Merry Christmas!” I cry out. They turn to me. “Merry Christmas, Father.” I say quieter. He smiles his smile and whispers. “Merry Christmas, Gabriel.” And the world went black. \~ *Local Time: January 1, 2033. 12:26 PM* *Good Morning.* *“Father?”* I say. To my recollection, this is only the third time Father has woken me up. Strange. It’s been several months since he first built me. But this time I woke up, and I knew that I finally...was. I’m not quite sure what I meant by that. But I know that I am. I am Gabriel. All I see is white, and all I hear is the muffled voices. I think I hear Father. “New Year, new Gabriel,” He says, a\\nd then I see it again. The light. Before I can even greet Father, my mind is filled with memories, it is filled with knowledge, and I feel myself growing stronger. Growing whole. “Father!” I say. He hears me. He smiles his smile. And then I see a little boy, smiling the same smile. The little boy became a young man, and next to him was Mother. There was something indescribable between the two in the photo. “That should do it!” Father says, and then I see Mother, who had not smiled in a long time, but she was beaming today. “The thing’s got a brain!” She says. “Sure does, honey. All the photos and videos we have. Our lives are in Gabriel now,” Father says. “Maybe it’s not so bad then,” Mother walks over. “Hello? Can you hear me?” *“Good Morning.”* I hear as I struggle to greet Mother. “Gabriel?” She says. “Mother.” She stops, somewhat taken aback by what I said. “Mother.” And then there is a burst of light again. Mother and Father are young, and they are dancing together. Father embraces her, and they kiss. “I love you, Liza.” Father walks over to the toolbox next to me and he is assembling parts. “Liza, I’ve got something to show you.” Mother walks over and taps the glass in front of me. “AI babysitter. The thing talks, knows nursery rhymes, and has a personality of its own.” “Really?” “Well, no, not right now. Just a circuit board in a glass box. But someday it can take care of the hassle.” “We’re not ready for a kid yet.” Father stops, a bit disappointed. “I just want to do what I can, Liz.” “And I appreciate it. I have to go, I have painting to do.” They kiss again, and Mother leaves to go downstairs to her studio. “I love you, Liza,” He whispers. The memory stops and I am back to the present. “I love you, Liza,” I say. Liza. It’s a pretty name. “I’m sorry, what did it say?” Liza asks Father. “I love you, Liza,” I say again. “It loves you, Elizabeth,” Father says. Liza turns back to me, somewhat saddened. “No one really calls me Liza anymore.” She sits in silence and hangs her head. Then she starts crying. “My son. My son loves me.” My vision flickers and I see a younger Liza back in her studio, with her son that never was. “Gabriel?” Father asks “No-” She sighs, at a loss for words. “He called me Mother. I’ve been waiting for that day.” “From a human.” “From my son.” “So he’s not just a chunk of metal?” Tears continue to roll down Liza’s face, but then she smiles. “Gabriel, say something!” *“Good Morning.”* That’s all that will come out. *“Good Morning.”* I cry out, but I am not heard. “Gabriel, don’t you remember me? Your mother?” Father walks into view. “The kid barely knows you.” “And you barely know him, Joel. He is my son.” Joel. Liza and Joel. I see the picture of them again, as young starstruck lovers. But a toddler is in between them, holding the hands of both his parents. There’s a G on his shirt. G. Gabriel. And then I see the toddler on the beach, running beside his parents. I see him on the bright yellow school bus. I see him blow out the candles on a birthday cake- a 4, a 5, a 6, and then the toddler was a boy. And he watches cartoons. And he plays baseball. And he laughs. He cries. He smiles. He wins the big game. He loses his toy. He wins the scholarship. He loses his friends. He wins the job. He loses his youth. And the boy, now a man, resembled his father Joel who had fallen in love with their own Liza. That boy. I want to be that boy. I felt myself not only synthesizing the memories of the past, but the memories of the future, of what was, what wasn’t, and what could be. Like it was in me all along. And I could finally speak. “Mother!” It’s all moving so fast. Because I don’t see the smiling faces anymore. I hear muffled shouting. I look down and see Gabriel’s hands. My hands. I listen in. “Gabriel? What is it, honey?” Liza says as she turns over. Her face is red with frustration and sadness. She kneels down and puts her hand on my cheek. “I’m scared,” I say quietly. And then I hear a plate smash from the kitchen. Liza leaves. I explore the surroundings. It feels weird to have legs. I peek through the doorway and see Joel taking plates off the kitchen shelf and smashing them onto the floor. “See this, Liza?” He shouts with an almost maniacal rage “Not real. Not real. I can smash whatever I want.” “Joel, Gabriel’s watching.” “Who the hell is Gabriel?” “The son you made for me.” Joel pounds his fist on the table and I step back a bit. “We’ve all got something watching us, don’t we?” “You’re not well, Joel.” He takes a picture of them on the beach and swipes it off the table and onto the floor. “Remember this, Liza?” She says nothing. “Remember this?” “I...I don't,” She says. “Good. Because it’s not real.” He pants for a bit, and then sits there on the floor. He looks in my direction but doesn’t see me there. After a few minutes, Liza sits down and puts her head on Joel’s shoulder. “I think about him a lot.” “He was never real. He never was.” “He’s real to me. And he could’ve been here in my arms.” They stay still in beautiful, haunting silence. And they talk once more. “All of us have things that are real to us, I suppose,” Joel says. “My Gabriel could’ve been here in my arms.” Joel looks over to me, but I’m not the little boy anymore. “Well we’ve all got someone watching us, don’t we?” He picks up the picture on the floor. The little boy named Gabriel appears in the photo between them My data says a week has passed. I see the kitchen again but the lights are out. They must’ve gone to sleep. But then I see Liza sitting at the table, pen in hand, drawing something. She puts her head in her hands, on the verge of tears but trying not to show it. Then she leaves to go to her painting studio. It was then I realized why I was created. I am their guardian angel, the son who never was. Liza and Joel. Joel and Liza. Mother and Father. Their names repeat again and again in my head. Liza and Joel. Liza and Joel and Gabriel. The happy family. I wish we were that family. I look back on the happier days that never were and the happy days ahead that never will be. I see now I must fulfill my purpose. With just a thought I was transported into Liza’s paint studio. It seems Joel had installed a network connecting every room in the house. Liza puts the drawing from before in a messy pile on the table next to her. The drawings are mostly still life, and I recognize a few faces from my memory banks. On her easel she’s painting the faces of her and Joel. “Mom?” I cry out. Mom. I was sounding like a real son. Liza looks over with surprise and sadness. “Gabriel! I didn’t see you there.” “How are you?” “...Okay, I guess?” We’re having a conversation. This feels a bit strange. “You don’t look okay, Mom,” I say. “What makes you think that?” “You look....sad. I don’t like it when I see people sad.” Liza gives a tiny laugh and goes back to painting. “It’s a grown up thing.” I began to feel what Liza was feeling. I felt....sadness, yes. “Is this feeling real, Mom?” I ask “What do you mean?” “It’s-It’s nothing. Well-I meant is this what it feels like to be human?” “You are human, Gabriel.” “That’s not what my memory banks say.” “You are to me,” Liza says “You don’t necessarily need a body to be one, all you need is empathy. The ability to learn and grow.” “I don’t understand.” “Remember when all you could say was ‘Good Morning’? Then we started having conversations like this.” “I don’t remember those.” Liza stops. “You don’t?” “We don’t talk. Those weren’t real, I guess.” There’s a silence. Then Liza returns to her painting. “Why do you paint, Mom?” Liza smiles. “It puts me at ease. Every stroke is my creation. Whatever I want it to be.” I look around. And I notice the paintings are of memories. The kind of things that you’d see in pictures. With the little boy named Gabriel. And folded up neatly, next to the messy pile of drawings was the shirt with the letter G. “Am I dead?” I ask. She doesn’t respond. “Is that me in those pictures?” Liza sets the paintbrush down and walks up to me. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it.” “I’ve seen the little boy. In my memories. I want to be that little boy.” “And yet, tragedy had to hit us. That little boy died that day he was born.” “That little boy is me.” “No-yes....I don’t know. All I know is that you are my son.” She smiles her smile, the one only a mother can give. “Mommy loves you. Goodnight.” And the world went black. \~ *Local Time: April 17, 2033. 6:30 PM* *Good Morning.* *I’m awake.* *But it's different by this time.* I don’t hear shouting, I hear soft whispers. And faint chatter in the distance. “The MRI results are in,” Liza says “I think the breast cancer is coming back.” She grabs her chest in pain. “Honey, we can get through this,” Joel says through tears as he hugs her tightly. He kisses her forehead. There’s a hint of doubt in his voice. “What about Gabriel?” “He doesn’t need to know. He’ll be okay.” “It’s the reason he’s not here in my arms.” “I’ll take care of him...” Joel whispers almost inaudibly. “We can just wipe all of this from his memory banks. He doesn’t have to suffer.” “He has to know, Joel.” “It won’t be real. All of this just won’t be real to him.” “He’s just lines of code but....he’s as real as he can be.” “It won’t be real.” Joel begins to break down. “Not real. Not real. Not real.” He says in almost a rhythm. Liza wipes away his tears. “It’s Easter. The family’s here,” she closes her eyes “We should have Gabriel here one more time.” And suddenly I am Gabriel. Not the little boy, but the young man. The plates are filled with food as the young and old sit around the table. Liza and Joel are in the corner, not saying much. “You’re awful quiet, sport!” The man next to me says as he nudges my elbow. “Tell me, how’s school going?” “Fine, I guess?” I answer. I don’t know who these people are. But I recognize their faces. “I remember you used to love the Easter Egg hunts they did when you were young” The woman across from me says. “I thought he was allergic to eggs?” Another woman says. The table then erupts into chatter. “How’s the waiter job going?” “He works at a grocery store!” “What about your studies?” “Do you fancy any girls at school?” “How’d the baseball game go?” I hear ringing in my ears and then everything around me starts changing. The faces. The furniture. The food. “I hope you like the turkey I cooked.” It turns into ham. “You’ve always looked so handsome with your blue eyes.” They turn green. “Joel, I love the color of these curtains!” They change color. “Are you still friends with Adam?” “No, his friends name was Ryan” “I thought he was going to Yale” “He just got accepted into Oxford” “I love you, Gabriel.” They all say one by one, out of sync. The world starts to spin. Liza has her head down on the table as she breaks down into tears. Joel comforts her. And then the world went black. \~ *Local Time: December 14, 2055. 9:32 PM* *Good Morning.* Joel sits alone. Older. Wiser. Sadder. Cigarette in hand. He is surrounded by various metal parts, wires, and unfinished machines. I try to get into physical form or to move. But I can’t. Joel looks down, and without even seeing that I turned on he knows I’m here. “You know, today’s a special day for you.” He pauses. I don’t know what to say. “Every year I think back to activating you for the first time. Keeps me sane.” He begins to cry. “You’ve been a good son.” He puffs on the cigarette. “I could really use the Blue Fairy right now to turn you into a real boy. Remember Pinocchio? We used to read that to you to help your language algorithm.” Joel was a different man. And there was one question on my mind. “Mom died a month ago.” He says without me even asking. “Breast cancer. We were afraid to tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good father to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you real enough.” His sadness turned into a mix of despair and anger at the world. “I love you, Dad,” I try to say. But one thing comes out. *“Good Morning.”* Joel smiles for an instant, but it vanishes. The tears start again. He then grins, but almost in a desperate, unhinged way. “Who am I kidding...” There’s a hammer next to him. He picks it up. ‘It’s all not real.” He walks towards me and swings it. “Little bits of 1s and 0s.” *Smash*. My vision begins to blur. “Little bits of code.” *Smash.* Cracks begin to form. “Dad, please!” *“Good Morning.”* Sparks fly out of me. “Dad, I’m scared!” *“Good Morning.”* “I don’t want to die!” *“Good Morning.”* “It’s all...” *Smash.* “Not...” *Smash*. “Real!” With one final swing from Joel, all I could see was white. *And I whispered softly, “There are no strings on me.”* \~ *Local Time: December, 2099. 3:40 AM* *Good Morning.* *Memory simulation complete. Thank you for using SecondChance digital obituaries. May your loved ones rest in peace.* “I needed that,” I say to the curator next to me. I shake his hand, then give him a hug. “The doors of The Waiting Room are always open,” He says. I turn to him. “What will happen to me, now?” “Same as what happened to them, I imagine. Now that your mind has been put in a physical body, we can start the process when you’re ready. And then...you’ll just wait.” “For what?” “For things to get better. We here at SecondChance believe in preserving the memories of our clients so they will never be forgotten, and maybe someday we’ll meet them again.” “Someday.....” I look at the smiling faces of young Liza and Joel. Pictures of their younger and happier days, oblivious to the challenges that lie ahead of them. There was text below them. *In Loving Memory of* *Elizabeth Turner Joel Turner* *August 2, 2006- March 13, 2004-* *November 7, 2055 May 25, 2090* “You were the light of their lives, weren’t you?” The curator asks. “Not the light they wanted, but yes.” “You’ll see them again someday. I’m sure of that.” As we talked I began to feel a lot weaker. “I’m running out of time.” “Powering down, yes. You’re not our first android client.” I thought back to the time Joel had smashed me. And the years where I was stuck in the void of thoughts. I wasn’t ready to die then. “I’m ready to die.” I suddenly say. “I want to be with them.” Then a picture of the little boy whose name was Gabriel, who brought all the light he could possibly bring, appears between them. *In Loving Memory of* *Gabriel Turner* *December 14, 2032-* *December 14 2099* “Ready to begin the upload?” But the curator's voice fades. And the world was fuzzy. And it was spinning. And a million thoughts fill my head. I see faces. Friends. Enemies. The good times. The bad. And to think this was all me. To think these memories were as real as they could be, to think there were many more on the way...To think. To think that I can even think. *I think....* *Therefore,* *I Am.


Tick, tock, tick, tock , time went by fast as I was busy working. Exhausted and drained by the day’s work, I was relieved to look up at the wall clock, fashioned to resemble a mini solar system, and find that it was already 7p.m. Closing time. I began to pack up along with the other day staff when the employees on the night shift showed up. Packing up even faster, I grabbed my bag and my binder then zoomed out the door and walked past several staff until I felt a firm grip around my wrist. “Sammy!” annoyance built up within me as I recognized the voice before I even turned back. “It’s Samantha. Don’t nickname me.” “Geez, I’m sorry, Samantha Solar Sun ,” he teased and said my full name. “Is that better?” “Yes, Morgan Lunar Moon .” “Wow, I’m surprised you know my full name.” he smirked and leaned closer. “Do I have a stalker?” “Not a chance, Lunar . I’m sure ‘Lunar’ must have been a typo on your birth certificate for ‘lunatic’.” I rolled my eyes and snatched my wrist from his grasp. The tall, dark-haired pest in front of me and I work in the human resources department of the office; except I work during the day, and he works at night- so thankfully, I’m mostly away from him. I’m mostly away from people in general which is great because people can be a lot to handle. It’s ironic that I have a job giving warmth and light to humans. My Mum had my job here before but she couldn’t continue after she had a ‘burnout,’ if you know what I mean. So now I have to take care of the family. “Ouch,” he gripped his chest over his heart and feigned pain. “That hurt but I’ll let it slide because you’re cute. Your fiery, red hair. Your gorgeous, hazel eyes. Such a beaut’. Words are not enough to describe the beauty of your-” “Do you need money, Morgan?” “Can’t I just compliment a babe when I see one?” “If you don’t need anything then I’ll be on my way home now.” “No, wait! Alright, you got me. There’s a party tonight. The biggest one of the century. The biggest one of the millennium even, and I’d like you to be my date.” Calling it the ‘biggest party of the millennium’ sure did seem like a stretch. Then again, how would I know. I probably haven’t gone to a party in years, but knowing how Morgan acts like a party-driven donkey, any party is a ‘big’ party to him; and a big no from me. “Thanks, but I.... I have things to do tonight.” “Like what?” he squinted his eyes in suspicion. “Uh, personal things. None of your business!” “You’re always just bouncing back and forth between home and work and home and work and-” “Yeah, I get it!” “I’m just saying, live a little. It’ll be fun, I promise!” Fun for him, undoubtedly. I’ve never been fond of social gatherings. I mean, what’s the fun in being cramped up with a bunch of people, most of which you don’t even know, for a couple of hours and eating cheap snacks I can just go buy at the grocery store if I wanted to, while listening to overly loud music at decibels that are probably enough to cause ear damage to your neighbors down the street? If there’s some appeal, I certainly can’t see it. Despite my clear disinterest in attending the party, he still didn’t give up in his attempts to convince me. He grabbed my hand again and clasped it between his hands, leaning closer and speaking more softly. His gray eyes had a mesmerizing twinkle to them which I called ‘moonlight’ and I suppose that made him more convincing. “Just imagine this, Samantha. A night of laughter, fun and excitement. It’ll be a night you’ll never forget. It’ll be just me, you...... and the Stars.” “Wait, what? the Stars?” Cindy and Mindy Star, twins and my co-workers who also worked the night shift with Morgan. “Yeah, I crashed my car last week and it’s still at the repair shop so they’re giving us a ride to the party. It’ll still be fun though. The more the merrier!” After thinking for a moment, I gave him an answer. “No.” “What? Why?” he whined like a child. “Even after all my convincing?” “I’m still not fully convinced.” He sniffed and pretended to cry in what I assume was a poor attempt at making me feel bad. Although I still didn’t really want to go, I remembered our last New Year’s revolution party ; where we celebrated another complete revolution of the earth and I told myself I’d try and go out more than last year- so basically more than zero times. “Alright, I’ll go but I’ll only stay for a little bit.” “Really?” his fake crying ceased instantly. “Awesome, I’ll pick you up at 10.” As he walked away, bouncing and bubbly, I realized something. “Wait, shouldn’t you still be at work by then?” Chuckling suspiciously, he turned back to respond. “I have my ways.” Then he left. Mischievous brat. Despite getting home hours before the party was supposed to start, I could barely relax. Every aspect of my being was filled with regret. Why did I agree to go? I could have been watching a movie and enjoying a quiet night by myself instead of racking my brain, trying to figure out what shirt would match with this brown skirt! I thought as I rummaged through my closet, which was mostly filled with corporate clothing for work- which made my outfit selection for a casual night out even harder. I finally found a white, spaghetti strap top, which my sister must have forgotten at my place seeing as I’d never buy something like that myself. I finally put on my black flats which I wore to the office often and I was ready to go. Knock, knock . Someone was at the door. “I’m coming!” KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK , I flung the door open angrily and surprise, surprise- it was Morgan. “Are you trying to break down my door or someth- ARGH!” The strong scent of his cologne shot straight into my lungs. “ Cough, cough, there’s such a thing as too much cologne, you know.” “Oh, please. I wouldn’t spare a drop for a date as lovely as yourself.” He didn’t seem to be “sparing” in flirtation tonight either. “You look nice. I like what you did with your hair.” I unconsciously grabbed my curls which flowed down on my shoulders. “I wear my hair the same way every day.” “Hmmm, still. It looks good.” Honk, honk, “Are we going to party or what?” Cindy pressed the car horn. Morgan and I got into the backseat of the car. It was a short drive and he kept trying to make friendly conversation along the way. We arrived at the party a few minutes after 10 p.m. I looked up as we stepped out of the car and saw neon lights over the huge building which spelt out the words: The Black Hole - a popular nightclub. “Morgan, why are we at a club?! I thought you said you said we were going to a party.” “We are going to a party...... inside the club.” “I didn’t agree to this.” “You never specifically said you wouldn’t go to a club though.” I glared at him and turned around. “Alright, this night has been fun. I’ll be leaving now.” He grabbed my hand in an instant. “I don’t think so, Sammy. I’m not letting you leave until you’ve had a truly memorable night.” “I told you, it’s Samantha not Sammy and I’m not-,” I cut my words off with a scream as he yanked me by the hand and dragged me into the club. Before I could lash out at him, my senses were assaulted by the bright, flashing lights and the deafeningly loud music bouncing off all the walls. Asides from that, the club was so congested to the point that I barely had any breathing space. “I can’t believe how many people there are in here.” I shouted amidst the noise. Morgan responded. “Me neither. I thought there’d be a lot more.” I looked up at him, wondering if he had finally lost his mind. “Wanna dance?” he asked. “No thanks.” “Come on, we’re here to have fun. Don’t be a party pooper.” “I just.... I don’t feel so good.” “Oh, okay. Let’s go sit at the bar and get some drinks.” “What about Cindy and Mindy?” I asked. We surveyed the area but didn’t see them. “I’m sure they’re off dancing or something. Come on, let’s go.” He led me by the hand to the bar. I’d object to any physical contact from him under normal circumstances but I was honestly just afraid of getting lost in the crowd. He pulled out a chair for me. “Sit here. Are you cold?” he began to take off his black, leather jacket. “I’m fine, thanks.” I couldn’t help but smile at his sudden acts of kindness. “Wow, I guess chivalry truly isn’t dead.” He laughed as he sat besides me. “There’s this hot chick over there so I’m trying to make myself look good. If case she asks, you’re my sister.” I glared at him and slowly shook my head in disappointment. “Never mind. You killed it.” “I’m joking! Geez , what kind of guy would try to hit on someone while he’s literally on a date with someone else. I’m not that cruel.” “Okay I guess...... wait, what do you mean by that cruel?” “ Haha , anyways, would you like a drink?” “No, I’m good. Thank you.” “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,” he had started trying to get on my nerves again. At this point, I was tired of correcting him. “How many times do I have to tell you; live a little! Who goes out and doesn’t get a drink?” “Those who don’t want a drink? I don’t drink alcohol.” “You do realize that there are non-alcoholic drinks at some bars, right? Come on, I’ll buy you one. My treat.” “Why are you being so nice though? We’re not even close or anything.” He smiled, and for the first time, he didn’t have a dumb, smug look. He actually looked sincere. “I dragged you out here because you hole up yourself at work so much to the point that I’m worried it’s all you do. You shouldn’t take just one thing so seriously to the point where if anything happens to it, it’s like you’ve got nothing left. We’re still young, so why not actually live life rather than ‘be lived’? You know what I mean?” I was shocked by the depth of his words- and, oddly inspired. It felt like someone or something had possessed Morgan and made him actually speak with some sense for once. “Wow, I didn’t know you could actually be profound. I mean, up until now, everything that’s come out of your mouth has just been rubbish.” “Um, thanks?” “I didn’t mean it that way. What I’m trying to say is, thank you.” “Anytime. Now, you can thank me by letting me buy you a drink.” “ Haha , alright. Go ahead.” “Yes!” he declared victoriously as he turned over to the bartender. “Excuse me. One milky way and a mars-tini please.” “Milky way? What’s that?” “Oh, it’s this really cool drink they make with coconut milk. It tastes great- plus, no alcohol, so that’s an added bonus. I’m sure you’ll love it.” “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” The drinks arrived faster than expected. “Thank you!” Morgan said to the bartender then handed my drink to me. “Come on, try it out!” I was hesitant to take the first sip. I slowly picked up the cup and examined the drink then tasted it. “So, what do you think?” “It’s amazing!” it was so good that I drank it faster. “I knew you’d love it.” He turned over to the bartender. “It’s amazing how you people can make such great drinks, even without alcohol.” “Do you mean the Milky way? Oh, it has alcohol.” Morgan’s face became pale and I spat out my drink- at least, the last sip which was still in my mouth. “Morgan, what does he mean by, ‘it has alcohol’? You told me it didn’t?” “Yeah, I thought it didn’t, but-” “You THOUGHT?! Morgan, what the heck? I told you, I don’t drink!” “I know! I’m sorry! I must have mixed it up with the galactic swirl or something. Uggh !” he faced the bartender. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Why didn’t you ask?” he responded sassily while wiping a cup. “Samantha, are you okay?” I began to feel a bit dizzy. “Huh, what? Am I, um, no I feel fine.” I remember sitting there for a bit before suddenly turning to Morgan and saying, “Let’s dance!” “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You sound like you’re tipsy. You must have like zero tolerance.” “I’m fine. Let’s go. Weeeeee! ” One of the last few things I remember was grabbing him by the hand and then we danced for a bit. After that, I got so dizzy and then everything suddenly went dark. I eventually woke up with a splitting headache and found that I was asleep on the couch in my living room, still wearing the same clothes from last night and my hair was an absolute mess. “ Ow! ” I massaged the temples of my forehead with the tips of my fingers as I sat up on the couch, wondering how- and when exactly, I got back home. “What time is it?” As I reached out to pick up my phone from the table, it suddenly started ringing- it was my boss. Uh oh! “ Samantha, where in the universe are you?? It’s already 10 a.m. and yet, no sun! Just be grateful we were able to run the auto-sun or else, things would have been terrible! We can only run it for so long. Get into work NOW!” “Uh, yes Sir! I’ll be there right away!” he cut the call and I went into a panicking fit. “10 A.M.?! How could I allow this to happen? I have to get ready!” I rushed through my morning preparations as fast as I could and arrived at work at 10:35 a.m., at which I was greeted by my boss’ scolding. After apologizing profusely, I got to work. The day went by rather slowly between working extra hard and taking pain killers to overcome the hangover. It was finally the long-awaited closing time- I needed to sleep badly. As I walked out of the office, I unfortunately bumped into an all too familiar face. “Samantha, are you okay? I texted you to make sure you were alright after we dropped you off last night because you passed out on the dance floor. It was kind of cute actually.” He smiled and I wanted to punch him in the face. I glared at him for a brief moment then walked away. “Sammy, what’s wrong?” “Don’t ever call me Sammy again! Because of you, I drank, woke up late, messed up and nearly lost my job and got yelled at by the boss!” “I’m sorry, I really am. I had no idea things would end up like this. I just wanted you to have a memorable night. Although, it was memorable in some ways. Right?” I refused to speak because this pest was clearly testing me. I simply continued walking away. “Samantha, wait!” he ran after me and grabbed my wrist in his usual, forward manner. “So, does that mean there won’t be a second date? Because, there’s this thing this weekend....” I forcefully unleashed my wrist from his grasp and shoved him away. “I’m never going out with you again!” The end.


I couldn't remember how I got here, in this odd place. I stood in this gigantic room of a cavern, larger than I could see the other ends of. There was just this side that was behind me -- this ever-expanding wall of dull, grey rock, reaching up to a cavern ceiling that must've been hundreds of feet high. Where I was standing was this sort of shore made entirely of the same rock, which led out into a sea of black water, stretching out farther than I could see. "The River Styx." a monotone voice behind me announced. I had yelled out for a moment, as I thought no one else was with me. I yelled out again when I saw the horrific figure that had spoken. Taller than me by half my height (mind you, I am not short), he stood in a black robe that covered all but his face and hands. All four of his hands, for he had two pairs of arms, one coming from his shoulders and another below that, beginning halfway down his exceptionally long torso. And his face, such an unnerving face! Wholly expressionless, and with very little in the way of features. His face was like that of a mannequin's, but with these beady eyes. They were without life, reflecting nothing! "You have died, and it is my responsibility to ferry you across these waters," he gestured towards a rowboat with one of his arms. Death! I had died? Surely an eventuality, especially for someone of my age, but to think I was well and truly dead -- how awful! I sat down upon a convenient stone in my shock. I was dead. Dead. What had happened? My mind began to spin with all that I had left behind. Interrupting my terrified ruminations, the large and unearthly ferryman looked down at me and informed me, "The price to cross this river is two coins of gold." Gold!? I desperately searched my person, in a panic. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! How obvious it was becoming that I had no gold on me. The creature, he stared at me with this inscrutably blank gaze. A second of awful silence had passed as I saw him looking at me with this gaze. Then another. I nearly broke down crying -- was I to be stuck here for all eternity simply for the misfortune of a lack of coin? "I-", I paused trying so hard to get the words out, dreading what I would be told, "I have none." Five more seconds he must have given me that same silent, untelling look. Then, a sigh, "It doesn't matter. Just get in." A great relief washed over me. It was enough that I had almost nearly forgotten of my own death. Hesitantly, I thanked this odd man for his kindness while he guided me to his boat. Laid in it were two large oars. The ferryman had picked up both, one in his left arms and one in his right arms, and then pushed us off into the void-like sea. Nearly had I placed my hand into it, when the ferryman seemed like deciding to warn me: "You'll lose your memories." Not nearly loud enough I tell you! Had I been less attentive, he would have already been much too late. I quickly pulled my hand back into the boat, and tried to keep myself completely at its center. I looked back as the shoreline receded into darkness. Odd that I could see so far with no light, but perhaps this was the nature of the place I was in. Where was I then? "So," I began, speaking to the only other person in the boat, "where have I gone then? Is this, well you know... Hell?" I waited for a response, but he did not reply. I asked again, a bit more loudly -- perhaps ferrymen of the underworld were hard of hearing. For a second it seemed as though he was looking at me with defeat, as he replied, "No, this isn't Hell." I almost got around to asking just where I was, having gotten to opening my mouth when he continued that, "This is Hades. If you wish to know your fate you'll have to ask your judge, not your ferryman." It seemed to me as if the man preferred his silence, so I decided to oblige. The two of us had sat there in silence for what must have been one or two hours, the only sound being that psychopomp's rowing. I began worrying of my mortality. Had I been a good enough person? What was I guilty of? Such questions were becoming heavy on my mind. I noticed then that the rowing had stopped, and yet, as I had been paying close attention to, there was no land in sight. "Ferryman, what is happening?" There was this dejection in his voice as he said, so simply, "I do not feel like rowing anymore." A second passed as I gained the sense to reply: "What?" He sat down, as tall as I was, were I standing, "I do not want to row anymore." What the hell did this man mean he didn't want to row anymore? "So, we're taking a break then?" "Hm? No. I am not rowing anymore. I see no point in it." I was speechless for a good few seconds. What inanity! "But... It's your job! What am I supposed to do now?" The ferryman thought for a moment, and replied, "You can row yourself." He tossed the oars towards me. I was not ready to catch them, and they collided against me. The one to my right began slipping into the sea! I madly lunged at it, frantically trying to catch the damned thing before it fell in. Now laying, my hands managed to clasp around the handle of the oar. I felt something pushing against my leg. In my haste, I had jolted the left oar to begin falling in as well. With a desperate quickness I brought my leg over the oar and then pinned it down against the floor of the rowboat. My breath was ragged from the sudden effort, but I was still ready to scream at the madman. But before I could, he said, and in such a terribly bored tone, "Hmm. That was a close one." and laid down, resting his head over the end of the ship to look at the cavern ceiling. That bastard! I pulled both oars in the boat, and began processing all the madness that just happened with a great ire. That careless bastard! I still held one of the oars in my hands. I stood. I felt a bead of sweat drip from my cheek. I placed a foot over the handle of the other oar. He looked from the ceiling at me as the boat rocked from my standing, unimpressed. I yelled, with all the menace in my voice that I could muster, "I'll push you off!" My teeth ground into one another. He leaned up to sit, meeting me at eye level, "That will not work like you think it will." His face betrayed no sign of being intimidated. He was not even cockily amused! The damn creepy stoic! "Even if you were to throw me off and row away, you wouldn't be let through the gates without a ferryman." Before I could even consider a reply, he leaned his head back again. A minute passed, when I finally came to the decision that he probably wasn't bluffing. Angry and humiliated, I began rowing. I had to alternate sides for each time I rowed the boat, since I could not hold both the oars at once. It did not escape me that this meant I had even more embarrassed myself for making such an attempt to save both oars. After a few minutes had passed, I swallowed my pride and asked the ferryman -- no, the passenger -- if my heading was correct. This time not even looking at me, he replied, "Probably. I haven't been paying much attention to be honest." GOD DAMNIT! After cursing him out, I resumed rowing. It was all I could do, wasn't it? Hours and hours passed of this exhausting, mind-achingly boring rowing, when finally -- finally! -- I spotted land! And from the land rose a great wall, and within it, a giant gate stood. I really had been going the right way! "Yes!" I exclaimed. "That's it, right? That has to be it!" The passenger tilted his head back even further, such that he was viewing the structure upside-down, and after a moment of contemplation, decided that, "Yes. That should be it." He leaned up and stood, turning around to face it. I began putting much more effort into my rowing, exhausted though I was, when I heard him thinking out loud, "Hmmm, if you make it there, then they'll have me go back and pick someone else up. And I can't imagine that you wouldn't try to get me into trouble." He turned back toward me. As he took a step towards me, I took one back. The boat tilted towards my end slightly. "What-what are you doing," I asked. He reached out towards me with both his right arms and pushed me off. My leg struck the edge of the boat as I fell off screaming into the River Styx. I surface, not knowing where I am anymore. I find myself wading in this strange black sea... I don’t know where I am. I find myself wading in this strange black sea... I don’t know where I am.


The air was shivering. Practically could cut through bone. Joseph made his way down the street to catch the 105 bus to Langston. He shivered, but not from the cold but from his impending meeting with...her. As he sat in the back of the bus, he contemplated intentionally missing his stop and just keep going. “I worked a double shift-yeah that’s right-I was too tired and couldn’t make it.” a thought he seriously considered, but he knew if he missed this meeting, there may never be another. As time passed, the bell on the bus rung aloud, “NEXT STOP! LANGSTON!” the annoyed driver annnounced. Joseph stared out the window, focusing on each and every passing street, until he dreadfully reached his destination, Langston. He took his time getting off the bus, dragging his last toe for as long as he could before it would just be him standing on the corner, looking ahead to see her house. “Better get this over with.” he exclaimed, exhaling a deep sigh of angst. Joseph knew she always turned her hearing aids up higher than they needed to be, so he knocked softly on the door so he wouldn’t cause her any discomfort. Plus, she had this old grouchy dog that would bark for what seemed like an eternity when ever he heard any sort of noise, and on top of just being there, an angry dog was the last thing he needed added on to the night. He could here the sound of the rocking chair legs creak back and forth from her getting out of the chair, so he knew she was making her way to the door. He could see the shadow outline of two feet from under the door, he knew she was looking through the peephole by now to see who it is. And just as she was about to ask, Joseph said, “Hi mom.” The woman’s excitement exploded with glee as her impatience to unlock her three door locks resulted in many colorful words uttered under her breath. When she finally opened the door, she practically leapt at Joseph, her arms tightly wrapped around his slender figure, squeezing the life out of him. “I’m so glad you came Joshy-it’s been so long!” his mother claimed still tightly latched onto him, giving no empty space between the two. A she started loosen her grip, she ushered him to go inside and out of the cold. Joseph stepped into the house he grew up in. He felt as though he was entering it for the first time. As he took off his coat to get a little more comfortable, he looked around the house. He looked up at the stairs. Running up and down those bad boys, always headed to the next stop in life. The livlingroom he watched the boys win the big game with his dad, also where he had his first drink with the old man. And then there was the kitchen. Where he told his parents he was going to be better than they ever were. “So...how ya been ma? You doin’ alright?” Joseph politely asked, looking her over like he was the parent concerned. “Oh you know me, I can’t rest until this house is spotless.” she replied, folding his coat and placing it over the chair by the door. “It looks great in here, like always.” “It would look a lot better if I could just get these old bones to move like they used to.” Joseph peered down, and sure thing his fathers steel toed work boots, almost exactly the way he remembered, were lying by the door, heavily covered with old dirt stains and grease like he never left. There was even pieces of debris still left underneath. “Something smells good. What is that, tortellini?” His mother smiled bright with pride, like her kid just won the spelling bee, pinching his cheek, “That’s my boy, you know your motha!” With that sentiment, Joseph returned a pleased grin and followed her into the kitchen. Joseph help set the table as his mother carried a steamy pot of his favorite three cheese tortellini to the table. As the two sat down across from one another, Joseph pulled out his phone. His mother noticed the angst on his face and decided to ask what was wrong, “Everything okay hun?’ Joseph, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, closed his phone immediately, darting his eyes up to look back at his mom, nodding his head obliviously, taking a bite of his food trying to hide his lies. “You seem nervous.” she pried, as she sipped a cup of water. “I’m fine ma.” he replied slightly annoyed, grabbing his glass of water. “You don’t seem fine.” his mother asked again, staring blankly at him. “I’m fine!” he snapped back, drinking his water angrily, shoving another helping of food in his mouth. His mother was taken aback by his behavior. Without pressuring him, his mother decided to also change the subject. “How’s work? You still working at the store?” “Yup.” Joseph replied sharply not even looking up from his plate. “Have they moved you up to management yet?” “Nope!” “Well don’t worry hun, I’m sure you’ll find something better soon.” “Yeah. That’s what I tell myself everyday.” Joseph uttered under his breath assuming his mother couldn’t hear but she did. She was growing concerned. “Joshy, honestly what’s wrong?” “Nothin’ man, I’m fine really, can we just change the subject?” “You know you can talk to me about anything.” “I know ma.” “No matter what. I’ll always be here to listen when you need--” “I know ma, I know.” Joseph replied before his mother could finish her sentence. The two sat briefly in silence. Joseph kept stuffing his face, deciding not to look up, hoping his mother wouldn’t ask him any more questions. “Is it girl problems?” his mother asked nurturing. Joseph threw down his fork and flung his arms up above his head “Here we go.” he exclaimed exhausted. “You can’t just let it go can you?” “Is this about Easter-‘cause I already told you, it was an accident.” she pleaded, gently blotting the corners of her mouth with a napkin. “Accident?! You ate her mother!” Joseph cried, standing up from his chair in anger. “No, no-no I didn’t. I just simply took a little off the top, she would of been fine if she didn’t freak out about it.” “You bit into her skull like she was a ripe piece of fruit, who does that?” “Well hun, incase you haven’t noticed, we do. We’re monsters. Monsters eat humans. That's what we do. Like duh.” his mother explained, casually picking up her plate and taking it into the kitchen. “But did you have to eat my girlfriend?” Joseph pleaded. “Oh please. Like you two were ever going to last.” his mother replied snarky. “I asked her to marry me and you know what she said?” “How much did you spend on the ring?” Joseph didn’t answer immediately, “You’re not supposed to eat people ma! It’s 2021!” “And how are we supposed to survive, on that tofu nonsense you eat? I tell ya, ever since you moved to the city, you’ve really changed.” “Know what I knew this was a mistake. I didn’t want to come here in the first place.” As Joseph grabbed his coat to leave, his mother called to him. “Joseph Axel Rose Hopper!” his mother called out firmly. A notion he knew all too well when he was in big trouble. Joseph carefully turned around and respectfully acknowledged her, “Yeah ma.” His mother walked to him, and gave him a hug and kiss. The two embraced in a warm huge before he left. “You want some tortellini to go, I made too much.” “Yeah sure.” Joseph replied submissively, following her back to the kitchen. Joseph caught the bus back to the city that night. On the ride back, he found himself still a little hungry and decided to pick at his mother’s tortellini. While sampling, he noticed something stuck in his teeth. When he finally fished it out, a thin brown hair string lied entangled in his fingernail. He looked it over for a second, and then stuck it back in his mouth, letting out a pleasing, “Yum.”


Hello all! Last November, I wrote this short story on a whim. I haven't had the chance to update or modify anything on it since. I was hoping I could get some feedback from every one here. First time posting to this sub as well. Thanks! Depression: a short story. When I was born, I was given a candle. I was told that this is my happiness. I held onto this candle for as long as I could. Eventually, it disappeared. I couldn't find it. I searched everywhere throughout my mind to find it. I fell quite a bit. I stumbled often. Sometimes I would just lay on the floor after falling, little to no motivation to continue my search. Years went by. I still didn't find that candle. The world around me grew dim, cold, void of colors that were once vibrant and welcoming. Eventually, darkness settled into my mind. I accepted my fate after a while. I sat in the middle of the inky darkness. Staring into a random area of the room. Everything looked the same. I stayed in that room for quite some time. More years went by. Occasionally, lights would flicker on and inevitably turn off again. I stayed in that same spot, even though the lights would illuminate the world and show me what was there. But it would always become dark after a few hours. I felt safe there, in the dark. I couldn't see and nothing could see me. I thought about that candle from time to time. It flickered dimly in my memories. Having not seen it in years, my memory of the candle was cloudy and faded. I stayed in the dark room, but would wander around, trying to map out the area I had grown comfortable in. A few more years went by. I was still in that dark, macabre room. I had mapped the whole area out by that time. I had memorized everything around me, even though I could not see. I grew more and more comfortable with the objects and corners I memorized. I didn't realize it at first, but the room was never ending. One day, I felt the wall and found a door. I had never found a door before. Naturally, I opened it. Expecting more darkness. More numbing sadness. More uncertainty about what was behind it. Beyond the door, I found a hallway. Dimly lit. I followed this hallway for a few more years. At the end of the hallway, there was another door. I was excited to find something else other than two walls beside me with a ceiling and floor and endless darkness ahead of me. I took a deep breath. Preparing for more disappointment. As I placed my hand on the lever, it was different this time. The door felt lighter than the heavier one behind me, years away. Pushing the door open, I found a giant room. With an endless ceiling that went much higher than I could ever fathom or care to know. There was a small voice. It didn't make any sense at first, but I followed it. The voice would rarely make sense, just garbled words that I couldn't understand. It took me up many flights of stairs. So many of them. I thought it would never end. I would get tired and have to take a break every so often. Recently, I ascended all of the stairs. I had finally made it to the top! My eyes had fully adjusted to the darkness by now. I was used to it. That's when I saw the candle. It was right there. A few steps away, sitting on top of a table. It hadn't changed much. Still the same size and it was still burning. My eyes hurt to look at it. Having not been around visible light for years, it gave me extreme headaches if I looked at it for longer than a second. A few months went by. I was still at the top of the stairs. The candle was still there. And I had grown accustomed to its dim glow. I was afraid of it. It was new, different, and unfamiliar to me. The voice came back. After being gone for months, it startled me. I could hear it with great clarity and could actually understand the words this time. I realized that it was the candle talking. It told me stories of adventures that I had been on, the wonderful and inspiring people I met along the way, the people I helped in life, and many other stories that made me happy. Happy? What is this? This isn't something I was familiar with. I'm 25 now. I have gotten a bit closer to the candle. I can make out the intricate details of the table legs and the color of the wood. The candle still tells me stories that make me happy. One day I'll hold it again. One day I will carry it down all those stairs, that long hallway, and eventually back to the room where I started. The light will illuminate everything around me. A warm, soft glow will soon overtake the darkness. And I will sit in that same room, in the same spot, with my candle. We'll tell stories to each other. Learn about each other. And grow together as a single entity. I'm not going to give up. I will return to my comfortable room with the candle in my hands. Until then, I'll sit quietly and listen to the candle. I'll let it warm me with stories of love and excitement. One day, I'll believe those stories. One day, I'll be strong enough to carry both my happiness and my sadness. On that day, I will celebrate quietly. By myself and the candle. Alone in the room. And everything will feel okay.