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Pick a place to have the conversation that is quiet and calm. Write down what you want to say so you don’t forget. Make your safety a priority if you’re worried about your mom’s reaction. Talk to a support system or mental health professional beforehand. Tell your mom you want to talk to her about something important.

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Choose a place where you won’t be interrupted or have to worry about others around you. Rather than a coffee shop or restaurant, sitting in the living room or at the kitchen table might be more conducive to an open conversation.  You could even ask your mom to take a walk with you. Go somewhere quiet and tranquil rather than a busy path or crowded street. If you want to talk to your mom at home but have siblings or another parent you don’t want around, try to arrange a time when everyone else will be out of the house. You could even tell your mom you want to talk privately and she could help arrange a time for you two to be alone. If you are nervous, write out a letter addressed to your mom—when the time for the conversation arrives, you can follow the letter. Or, write bullet points of the important things you want to make sure to cover. In the moment, you’ll probably feel pretty nervous and will be prone to forget things.  For example, you may want to include when you learned you were gay, what that has been like for you, and why you’ve decided to share this with your mom.  If you live in a household where homosexuality is frowned upon, you may also want to tell your mom that you were born this way and that it is part of who you are rather than a choice you’re making. You could end your letter or list with a wish for your relationship with your mom. For example, maybe you hope that you can have an open relationship and that she’ll accept you for who you are. Maybe you hope she will help you tell another parent. This is totally up to you based on what your relationship with your mom is like, so take some time to think about it. If you’re afraid that she might become violent when you tell her you’re gay, you need to have a plan in place. In this type of situation, it might be better to talk to her in a public place; or, you may want to have someone else with you for emotional support. At the very least, have an exit-plan prepared so that if she does become verbally or physically abusive, you have somewhere to go. If there are people in your life who already know you’re gay, ask them for their support. It can be daunting to come out to anyone, including your mom. Talk to them about your fears, ask them for advice, and lean on them when you’re feeling worried. If your mom is the first person you’re going to come out to, this may not be possible. But even if she is, you could still talk to a counselor or therapist beforehand to get some support. Rather than springing this big conversation on your mom, tell her beforehand that you want to talk. You could do this the morning of the day you plan to tell her, or you could even tell her a few days beforehand. Keep in mind that once you say this to her, though, she probably won’t want to wait very long to have the conversation.  Try saying something like, “Mom, I have something I want to talk to you about. Could we get together just the two of us this afternoon?” You could also say, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to share with you, but I want it to be private between the two of us. When can we talk?” If she asks what the conversation is about, say, “It’s about me, but I’d rather wait until we can sit down together to talk more about it.”