Article: Tempers will stand in the way of working through your differences. After all, the goal is making peace with one another, not getting revenge. Respectfully communicate to them, through a mediator if necessary, that you should both take some time to calm down. Then agree on a time and a place to discuss and resolve your conflict.  Try to stay calm by remembering that settling the conflict is the goal here, not proving your point. Another tactic is asking them to help you come up with ways to solve the problem. This takes some of the pressure off you, which may help you relax. Trying to settle a conflict with tempers flaring is counterproductive. If either party is upset, call a quick break so you can discuss the issue calmly. Before you meet with the other person, sit down and write out exactly what you think led to the conflict. Try to take personal history and personality out of the equation as much as possible. Think about the root of the problem and what specifically you need to change. You will still be able to make all of your points, but make sure to let the other person state his or her concerns as well. Let them talk, even if you disagree, because interrupting will only add to the conflict. It is most important for each of you to figure out the conflict you disagree on than the ‘correct’ solution. Working toward accepting each other’s differing views is at the center of this process. If you don't understand the other person's points, then ask him or her a follow-up question. Make a point to wait until there's a pause in the conversation, so it doesn’t seem like you’re interrupting. Don’t ask sarcastic or hostile questions, as this may turn your discussion into an argument. If you find their answers or reasoning ridiculous, remember that they are entitled to their opinion as you are yours.  For example, a good follow-up question might be: “when did you first notice I wasn’t returning your phone calls?” This question simply seeks to establish a timeline for your conflict. An example of a combative follow-up question is: “did you try one of the million other ways to get in touch with me?” This question is intended to make the other person feel stupid and wrong. This will only make them more defensive and offended, taking you farther from a resolution to your conflict. Try to think of as many different solutions to the problem as you can. Both of you should try to think through the conflict before you meet, and then again when you get together and begin your discussion. Allow your discussion to flow in as many different directions as you can, as long as emotions don't get too heated, in order to resolve the conflict effectively. You may have to forgo getting your way. For example, the root of your conflict might be that your friend borrowed your car without asking, and nearly wrecked. They may not understand why you are so upset about it, and this lack of understanding has grown into anger. A solution might be that you don’t mind if they borrow your car, as long as they ask first and drive safely. If you feel like one of you, or both of you, are getting too emotional, feel free to take as many breaks as you both need to. Take as much time as you need as soon as voices are raised, before anything too hurtful is said. You may also need time to think over their proposed solution or course of action. Focus on the positive things instead of saying things like, "can't," "don't" or "no." The negative words will only make the conflict harder to resolve. They dwell on the conflict rather than the solution. At the end of the day, what you need the other person to accept is how you want to move forward.  For example, don’t tell the other person: “I don’t like the way you borrow my car without asking.” While this may be an important aspect of your conflict, in the solutions phase of the conflict resolution, it keeps you dwelling on the past. Instead, tell them: “we need to establish some rules for using my car if you need to borrow it again in the future.” This sentence proposes a reasonable solution rather than simply restating what the issue is. There might be a conflict that is just not possible to resolve in one discussion. Think of something to do with the conflict that you both can agree on, and agree to come back to the topic later. It may take more than one discussion to resolve the conflict effectively. For example, you may not agree about whether it is unreasonable for someone to borrow their roommate’s car without asking. However, start by agreeing that the traffic incident they had on your car was inconvenient for all parties. In many conflicts, no one person is completely wrong, so try to find a compromise that you can both be happy with. Always try to be the ‘bigger person’ by finding a resolution that satisfies both of you. Don’t let this turn into a competition to see who can be ‘more reasonable,’ however. An example of a compromise might be giving one roommate laundry room privileges on weekend nights and weekdays, and the other on weekend days and week nights. By alternating who has time allotted to use the laundry machine, you avoid future conflicts surrounding both of you wanting to do the wash at the same time.

What is a summary?
Remain calm. Make a list of your concerns. Allow the other person to talk. Ask questions. Be creative. Take breaks. Stay away from negative talk. Find something you can agree on. Look for compromise.