Article: If you want to change the relationship you have with your mom, don't be afraid to take the first step. IF both of you are waiting for the other one to initiate change, nothing will ever happen.  Sometimes changing the relationship requires changing yourself. For example, if your relationship with your mother is strained because you have betrayed her trust, work on becoming more responsible and earning that trust back. The longer you wait to resolve conflicts, the worse they will become, so deal with your issues as soon as possible. Some things just aren't worth arguing over, so don't let these small things get in the way of the healthy relationship you are trying to build. If you are tempted to start arguing with your mom about something, take a moment to consider whether you would be better off just letting it go.  This is usually the best strategy for small, inconsequential things. For example, if you and your mom disagree about what kind of party you should throw for your dad's birthday, you may want to just let it slide. Don't just brush aside issues that are really important to you. For example, if you and your mom disagree about what you should study at college, you should not disregard your own opinions just to avoid a conflict. No matter what the problems between you and your mom may be, try to look at the situation from her perspective and understand how she must feel. Being empathetic will help you get past quarrels that you have had with your mom and move on.  Always take a moment to think about why your mom might feel the way she does. Keep in mind that her various life experiences will influence her opinions. Doing your best to understand where she is coming from is a great way to start having more empathy for your mom. It's important to keep in mind that your mom is a human being who makes mistakes, just like you. Don't expect her to be perfect. No matter what has happened between you and your mom in the past, you have the power to forgive her. Forgiving does not mean that you are condoning your mother's actions, but merely that you are willing to move past these actions and not let them interfere with your present-day relationship.  If you want to let your mom know that you forgive her for something, be straightforward about it. For example, you might say something like, "I want to let you know that I was really hurt when you said negative things about my boyfriend, but I forgive you and I'd like to move on." Try to avoid bringing up conflicts from the past in present arguments. You can encourage your mother to forgive you as well. If your mother says or does something that hurts you, it's important to let her know how it made you feel. This will allow you to talk it out and resolve the issue before it turns into a big conflict.   When you do this, avoid insulting your mother or accusing her of anything. Using "I" statements can help you focus on your feelings instead of her actions. For example, consider saying, "I feel like you are disappointed in me when you say things like that" instead of, "You never appreciate anything I do for you." If your mom lets you know that something you did or said hurt her, it's important to be understanding and try to work with her to correct the issue. If you and your mom aren't able to repair your relationship on your own, you may want to consider seeing a counselor together. A neutral party may be able to help you understand the obstacles that are keeping you from having the kind of relationship you want with your mom.

What is a summary?
Don't wait around for change to happen. Pick your battles. Have empathy. Forgive your mom for past hurts. Tell her how you feel. Seek counseling for major issues.