Summarize this article in one sentence.
If you're too inebriated and you need to sober up quickly, the best way to do it is to stop drinking or using immediately, and try to get hydrated. Whatever's got your head spun, water will help to get it straighter.  Splash some cold water on your face, as well, especially if you're on something other than booze. If you're on a downer, this can help to wake you up and sharpen your senses. Try sports drinks high in electrolytes, which can help to get you a little sharper, replacing the electrolytes and potassium that drinking leeches from your body. It's important to eat something, anything, if you want to sober up quickly. And if you're drunk, eating some foods high in fructose can actually help lower your blood-alcohol levels significantly, compared with other foods. Eating some sugary cereal, drinking a Coke, or some other fruity candy can help to sober you up.  It's a common misconception that eating bread or other carbs when you're drunk "absorbs" the alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly, and carbs only help to prevent drunkenness if you consume them before drinking. Avoid especially fatty foods if you're trying to sober up. Greasy pizza or burgers will end up dehydrating you more, in the end, and interrupt your sleep. Depending on what's got you bent, coffee can be a positive or a negative influence. In short, avoid it if you're drunk, and have some if you're high, but only if it sounds good.  It's a common misconception that drinking a cup of black coffee helps to sober you up if you've had a few too many beers. Not true. Caffeine further dehydrates you, can impair judgment, and make it difficult to sleep eventually. If you're too high on downers or psychedelics, having a cup of coffee can help sober you up and give you some sharpness, depending on your temperament. If you're experiencing serious anxiety and feeling panicky, a cup of coffee could make it worse. Never take caffeine to sober up if you're high on amphetamines, cocaine, or other up-drugs. It'll just make it worse. Cold showers are a good idea for sobering up, whatever you're messed up on. While it won't make your body process alcohol more quickly, it can help to mask the smells related to being inebriated, and help you sharpen your mind and wake up a little bit. If you're really high, taking a cold shower can also help to give you a rope back into the real world. Just going through the routine of washing will help you feel more normal. Available at some health food stores, herbal lozenges with names like "Sober Up" or "Chaser" are often marketed as hangover pills, and can be used with some measure of success when you're still messed up and trying to get a clear head. The efficacy of these pills is often super various. Avoid the effervescent tablets that are little more than aspirin and caffeine, and focus on herbal supplements to see what works. The most reliable and effective way of getting sober is to always give it time and to sleep it off. Your body processes alcohol and drugs through the blood stream at its own rate, and it's pretty difficult to affect that without giving it time. Whatever you're feeling, high or drunk, drink a big glass of water and go to sleep. Don't, under any circumstances, mix sleep aids with other drugs or alcohol. If you're feeling really high or drunk, stop adding new substances to the mix, or you risk combinations that can make you sick. If you're reading this article because you're trying to sober up quickly to drive home, find another plan. These tricks mostly involve ways to get yourself feeling more normal and in control of your faculties, helping you avoid bad hangover symptoms the next day, but that doesn't mean you're going to pass a breathalyzer test right now. Finding a couch and crashing on it is the best way to get sober. Drive home in the morning, if you have to, or pay for a cab now and avoid the risk.

Summary:
Drink water. Eat something high in fructose. Use coffee for some highs and avoid it for others. Take a shower. Get a "Sober Up" pill if you're drunk. Sleep. Call a cab.