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Know that the majority of narcissists never get treated. Stop taking their behavior personally. Don’t expect your spouse to meet your emotional needs. Use flattery before making requests. Praise positive behaviors.

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Narcissistic personality disorder involves a long-term and enduring behavior patterns. This condition must be diagnosed and treated by a qualified mental health professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Unfortunately, an overwhelming majority of narcissists never seek treatment. Without treatment, it is unlikely that the narcissist will get better.  Your spouse may only see a professional when the consequences of their behavior significantly interferes with their ability to function at work, at home, or socially. You might try talking to your spouse about getting help, but expect resistance. If you are going to try to make your marriage work with a narcissist, then you will need to build an emotional wall around yourself. Because the narcissist’s behavior is purely self-driven, it’s important to recognize it as a part of the disorder and not take it personally. This will undoubtedly be difficult to do, but it is necessary if you want your marriage to work. When your spouse says or does something particularly offensive or exploitative, try reciting a mantra to yourself like “What he/she does is a reflection of him/her, not of me.” Narcissists are a classic example of being takers rather than givers. Your spouse requires a great deal of admiration and/or affection, but they are unlikely to provide the same to you unless it serves them in some way. Expect for the relationship to be out of balance. Instead, use your friendships and relationships with family members for emotional support. Your narcissistic spouse likely responds well when you pump up their ego, so try this tactic when making demands on them. That way, you are able to keep your spouse satisfied and see to it that your own needs are met also. For instance, if you need your husband to complete a home-improvement project, you might say, “Darling, I know you are super busy, but your amazing carpentry skills are needed in the garage. The new shelves need to be hung, and I know no one will do as great a job as you can.” Positive reinforcement may also be helpful when trying to deal with a narcissistic spouse. Your husband or wife wants to be reminded of all the things they’re good at, and they can barely handle learning about their shortcomings. So, try your best to ignore the undesirable behaviors, and when you see them doing something helpful, be sure to praise them. For example, when your wife asks “How was your day at work?” you might kiss her forehead and say, “How wonderful is it for you to ask that?” This reinforces the likelihood that she will inquire about your feelings in the future.