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Watch for inappropriate behavior or drastic changes in behavior. Notice if your partner’s behavior is different around the other person. Listen to what your partner says about the person.

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People who enter into emotional affairs sometimes engage in behavior that can be considered problematic or dramatically different from how they usually act. These behaviors can take various forms. Look for anything that is too intimate or personal between your partner and the other person.  For example, your partner may text the person often. They may also call the other person. This often happens at night, and may even be done secretly. Look for anything that your partner shouldn’t be doing with someone. You may also notice changes in your partner’s behavior such as staying up later, going into work earlier, spending more money, or drinking alcohol more often. Emotional affairs often give people an outlet to be different or act differently than they do around their partners. If you have contact with your partner and the person you suspect they are having an affair with, watch their interactions. Look for any differences from the way they act with you. For example, your partner may feel emotionally distant from you due to everyday stresses like bills, work, and home responsibilities. With this other person, they may be able to laugh, be relaxed, and be more playful. However, they might also because anxious or uncomfortable when they are around the person in your presence. As an emotional affair progresses, your partner may start comparing you to the other person, or they may start to express frustration with things about you that they have never mentioned before. The comments may be random and not meant maliciously, but they may still point to your partner thinking about the other person. For example, your partner may say, “They think my jokes are funny,” “They like the same kind of movies I like,” or “They can run at the same pace as me.” Start noting if your partner says things like this and how often.