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In order to truly deal with your rage you must be able to recognize what rage feels like and what situations tend to cause it. The next time you feel rage, take a moment to observe what’s happening in your body. Also, take note of what stimulated this feeling. For example, you notice you’ve clenched your jaw really tight and your head starts pounding. This occurred after you were cut off in traffic. Deal with your rage by problem-solving ways you can avoid or better cope with your triggers. Create a specific plan of action that allows you to improve how you handle these situations.  For instance, if terrible traffic leads to rage, head out early to avoid traffic. If flustered, over-worked cashiers tick you off, try to shop during quieter, off hours. If your roommate’s messy bedroom bugs you, avoid going in there so you can stay calm. If you’re experiencing cold rage from having repressed your anger, you might benefit from some assertiveness training. Learn to speak up for yourself respectfully and with tact. If people are asking too much of you, say so. For instance, if your boss keeps dropping more work on your desk before you’ve finished your current projects, your temper may flare. Instead of holding it in, meet with your boss one-on-one and express your frustration. Say something like, “You’re giving me more work than I can handle right now. I’m trying to focus my efforts on the upcoming briefing. Can I delegate some of these assignments to Jenny?” The words you use can impact your emotions. Strong, absolute words like “never” or “always” don’t leave any room for exceptions, so they hinder problem-solving. Drop these terms from your vocabulary and see if it has a positive effect on your mood. Rage can remove all filters in conversation to the point that you’re criticizing and insulting people right and left. To avoid this, assert yourself with specific “I” statements. This limits blaming and criticizing, but still helps you get your point across. For example, if you’re struggling to contain rage at an insensitive partner, express your needs with an “I” statement like, “I feel ignored and misunderstood when you minimize my anxiety.” Schedule down time or personal time into your daily routine, particularly during times that are especially stressful. For instance, if coming home from work causes you to feel rage, make a standing rule that no one in your home speaks to you until you’ve had time to decompress.

Summary:
Know your triggers. Brainstorm solutions for triggering events. Learn to say ‘no” when you’re overwhelmed or  stressed. Change your language. Tell people what you need using “I” statements. Give yourself a break.