Article: Think about your reasons for wanting to talk to your ex, and be sure that it is only because you want to pursue a friendship. Be confident that your ex is the kind of person you want to be friends with, too.  Think about what kind of friendship you want with your ex. Do you want to be able to hang out together, just the two of you, or do you want to be able to be friendly with your ex in a group of mutual friends? Or do you just want to feel comfortable saying hello to them and liking their pictures on social media? Think about how your ex treated their other friends and make sure they are a good friend to others. For example, if you always thought your ex used friends for their own gains, it's probably not worth it to develop a friendship. More importantly, think about how your ex treated you. There's a reason you and your ex split. If it was because they didn't treat you well, then it's best to leave them in the past. You may want to run this idea by friends and family members who know your ex. They may be able to provide some insight and help you decide if it's a good idea to pursue a friendship. When you are preparing to talk to your ex, make sure you think about how you want to clearly communicate your desire for a friendship. You do not want let your ex think you are interested in anything more. For example, think about saying something like, “I have missed being in touch with you and have been remembering how much fun we had together as friends. I hope we could be friends again, though I want to be clear that a friendship is all that I want.” If you are nervous about your ex's reaction, you might feel better about getting in touch with them via email or letter. Writing a letter lets you spend as much time as you need getting your words just the way you want them, and you can also say everything you need to say without worrying about being interrupted or argued with.  You could begin your letter, “I am sure you are surprised to be hearing from me. I know we parted on bad terms, and I apologize for that. I have been thinking lately about how much our friendship meant to me, and how much I miss it. I am hoping we can reconnect as friends.” Keep in mind that you may need to be patient about hearing back from your ex. It may take them a few days to compose a letter in response. They could also decide to call or text you if you indicate they can in your letter. Your ex may also not respond to you. If they do not, you may need to decide whether or not to let it go, or try to get in touch with them in a different way. If you still have your ex's number, it might be easiest to give them a call. Your ex will probably be wondering why you are calling, so you may want to be ready to let them know you are looking to reconnect with them shortly into the conversation.  You might want to spend some time thinking about what you want to say beforehand. For example, you could say, “I have been thinking about you recently, and I really miss our friendship. I was hoping we could get together sometime and catch up, and maybe try to be friends again.” Your ex may not want to answer your call, so be prepared to leave a voicemail. Practice what you want to say beforehand. You could say something like, “Hi Mina, it's Heather. I know seeing my phone number was probably unexpected, and I don't blame you for not picking up. But I was calling to see how you are and was hoping we could talk sometime. I miss having you in my life as a friend and was hoping you'd be open to being friends again. Please call me back sometime.” Don't call when you've been drinking. Don't make them think this is a drunk-dial situation, because they will not take your request for friendship seriously. If you are still friends with your ex on your social media accounts, try private messaging them through the platform they use the most. Keep your conversation friendly and see if they would like to catch up in person. You could post a message publicly, but keep it short and generic. Don't rehash your relationship where other people can read your conversation. You could say something like, “Hey Chris! I hope you are doing well!” If your ex responds, you could switch to a private message to continue your conversation. Don't show up at their school or work and ask to be friends out of nowhere, for example. That will scare them off. Reach out through other channels first, to give your ex a chance to think about how they would like to respond. If you happen to bump into them by chance, you could say, “Wow, it's good to see you! I would love to catch up sometime if you're open to it. Could I text you sometime?” Avoid a major conversation before they have the chance to consider if they'd like to have you back in their life. if necessary. If you and your ex parted ways poorly, and you played a role in the bad ending, be sure to apologize early on for your part in the breakup. It may be difficult to have a meaningful friendship without an acknowledgement of your wrongdoing.  You could say, “I know we had a really bad ending, and I am so sorry for how we parted ways. I hope we can get past it and eventually be friends again. It would be nice to talk about it in person, if you're willing.” Follow up with a more in-depth apology and conversation when you see your ex. They may not want to reconnect with you, and they may or may not provide you with reasons why they don't want to. Accept their choice with understanding and without demanding an explanation.  Keep in mind that they may not respond to any forms of communication. Your ex may be comfortable talking to you online, for example, but may not be interested in seeing you in person. Accept that and work to rekindle your friendship through the boundaries your ex sets. Keep the door open for a potential face-to-face meeting in the future. If your ex responds with a message that conveys they are not interested in talking to you, you could say, “I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand. I know how difficult things were for us at the end, and I get it if you still are hurt. I wish you all the best.”
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Make sure you are clear about your own motives. Be prepared to tell them what you want up front. Write a letter or email. Call. Reach out on social media. Avoid surprising them in person. Apologize Accept their decision.