Article: If your in-law's insults or interference is taking a big toll on your self-esteem or your relationship with your partner, and more diplomatic methods have failed, it is probably time to get some distance.  It is noble to want to keep the peace, not to ruffle feathers, to keep your spouse and his / her family happy.  But don't allow yourself to be hurt or walked over. Involve your spouse closely in this decision.  Be clear as to why this is important and necessary. If a fight brews or you take an emotional beating every time you visit your in-laws, find ways to limit your time together.  There's no law that says your spouse can't see his or her parents alone, at least sometimes. Try not to lie about why you can't visit, but respectfully decline invitations every so often.  Surely there is some work-related related reason you can legitimately claim, or job around the house that really does need done. If you've declined one time too many with a flimsy excuse, you may just have to lay it all out there.  Say something like "Let's face it, whenever we get together things just don't end up well, so it's best for all of us if we stick to holidays and special events." Especially if your in-laws don't get along with your family, remember that they don’t need to spend holidays -- or most other events -- together.  And, in general, you are allowed to want to spend at least some holidays just with your spouse and kids, if you have any.  You and your spouse can decide on a clear schedule that splits all major holidays and summertime events.  Consider rotating so that each side gets a regular turn for prime time on Thanksgiving Day, etc.  Establish a tradition of taking a trip with just your spouse and kids for a major holiday or two each year.  Neither side can accuse you of playing favorites. In the worst-case scenario, you just may have to cut off contact with your in-law(s).  This is a drastic step, but if it salvages your marriage and/or your sanity, it is worth doing.  Clearly explain to your spouse that you feel disrespected, manipulated or abused and see no other alternative.  Realize how difficult it will be for your spouse, but explain why you think it will benefit everyone in the long run. "Breaking up" with an in-law is no easier than breaking off a romantic relationship, and requires a similar mix of honesty, strength, and compassion.  Even if they do not respect you, give them (and your spouse) the respect of telling them directly that you are cutting off interactions. Your spouse is going to be stuck in the middle of this situation, no matter what.  Try not to force an ultimatum -- "it's me or them" -- even if you expect to win it.  Let your spouse determine how (or in the worst situations, if) he or she will continue the relationship with his / her parents without your involvement. If your in-law's behavior is having a negative impact upon your children, do what is necessary to protect them, including limiting or cutting off contact.  You'll almost certainly want to present a united front with your spouse on this subject.  Cutting down contact with grandchildren is not likely to be taken well, but remember that your first responsibility as a parent is doing what is best for your child, not making everyone happy. Laws on grandparents' rights vary by state and are in constant flux, but generally speaking, if the parents of a child are in a stable relationship together, grandparents have little or no visitation rights.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Realize when enough is enough. Opt out of interactions. Split the holidays. Know when to throw in the towel. Limit or end interactions with your children, if necessary.