Article: Often, partners cling when they fear that the person they care about is about to leave. You may subtly be spending less time together, texting or calling less often, or not be sending the same reassurance that you had previously.  The fear of abandonment can kick in. While it’s not your role to provide assurance, you can understand the behaviors and motivations behind clinging. If your partner starts to worry about you leaving, remind him or her while neither of you can predict the future, you are both happy now, and now is where the focus is best placed. Sometimes you choose people whom you share a great attraction, yet trigger your deepest insecurities. This can be true of your partner, too. Without you realizing it, you can trigger insecurities in your partner that have never been explored before. Realize that this may mean one person wants to pull closer or wants to pull away. While it’s tempting to run, it can also be worth it to stick with it and work through the issues.  Perhaps you’ve had clingy people in your life before (like a younger sibling or an ex) and your current partner’s behavior is triggering those memories, causing you to want to run. Before you go blaming your partner, take a few moments to reflect on your own life. Have there been previous relationships when you’ve clung? What made you cling, and how did the other person respond to your behavior? What is it about the clinginess that upsets you, and how do you respond to it? Do you respond in anger, frustration, or distancing yourself? There’s a distinction between neediness and manipulation. Manipulation often involves you giving up something for the other person. A manipulator may use weaknesses against you, blame you for things, or suggest that only you can help him or her. Especially if you tend to be a genuinely helpful person, be careful not to be taken advantage of by your partner. Ask yourself whether your partner’s actions or needy or if they are manipulative.  Manipulation can be punishing you when your partner doesn’t get his or her way (giving the silent treatment, not performing household chores), or as extreme as threatening to hurt the self if you don’t do what he or she wants. If you find yourself feeling punished when you don’t comply with your partner’s demands or neediness, it may be manipulation. If you feel like you are being manipulated, be careful in how you interact with your partner, especially when talking about offering help, money, or giving up something. For more information, check out How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behavior, How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship, and How to Deal With a Manipulative Person. Your partner can't necessarily help he or she feels clingy. Remind yourself of all the things that make your partner great and that make the relationship great. Be patient and empathetic toward your partner for why he or she feels this way. Perhaps your partner has felt abandoned in the past or there are things you don’t fully understand about him or her. When you feel angry or frustrated, remind yourself to be patient, loving, and gentle toward your partner and his or her emotions. If you tend to run away, imagine yourself in a secure, equally balanced relationship. If your partner tends to cling, have him or her imagine the self in an equally balanced relationship. Even imagining a safe, healthy relationship can be helpful, especially when under stress. Set aside some time with your partner for this exercise. Close your eyes and imagine what a healthy relationship looks like to you (and your partner). Imagine feeling calm, centered, and happy at the thought of this relationship. What does it feel like? What do the two of you do together, and not do together?  Then, shift your attention and imagine that that is the relationship you have. When you are finished, open your eyes and discuss. Often there’s something about the relationship that’s beneficial to both people and not just one person. So, if you have a partner that you perceive as clingy, is it possible that somehow you benefit from or play into the clinginess? Some signs of codependent relationships include an inability to find happiness outside of one person, staying with someone even though your partner has some unhealthy or destructive behaviors (like drug abuse or alcoholism).  Do you find yourself giving to your partner (emotionally, physically, financially) even at the cost of your own health or well-being?  Ask yourself if you give up your own needs to fulfill the needs of your partner. This can lead to short-term and long-term consequences.  Ask yourself whether you are genuinely happy with your partner or if you stay with him or her based on what you’d lose if you broke up. Remember there will be times that you will be needy and times when your partner will distance from you. This is the normal flow of relationships. When you care about someone, you choose to love and support him or her during the ebbs and flows, even when it influences your life. Remind yourself that circumstances and situations can always change, and that relationships are fluid. Is your partner being clingy because of a situation or life event? If so, you may need to give your partner a momentary break and focus on being supportive. There will be times you will need extra support, too.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Understand what makes people cling. Reflect on your own history. Navigate manipulation. Be patient with your partner. Use imagery related to a healthy relationship. Evaluate if you’re in a codependent relationship. Flow with the relationship.