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Treat people with respect. Act calmly in conflict. Avoid being defensive. Own your shortcomings. Make requests.

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Treat those around you with respect, with both your actions and your words. Respect builds trust and support in a relationship, whether it be with your parents, siblings, friends, or romantic partner. A good way to learn respect is to first treat yourself with respect. Don’t feel pressure to do anything just because everyone else is doing it, but respect your mind, body, and spirituality enough to listen if one of them is telling you not to participate. Learn what it feels like to respect yourself, and make sure you treat others with the same respect.  Say “please” and “thank you” often. Even if you’re in an argument, refrain from name-calling. You can disagree with someone while still being respectful. Think before you speak and hold off from saying anything that can be hurtful. Say, “I appreciate and respect your opinion, even though it differs from mine.” Treating other people respectfully shows maturity in how you interact. It may be easy to retaliate when in an argument and unleash your anger, but keep your cool. Keeping calm in stressful situations has positive long-term health benefits, such as less inflammation in the body. Being calm and thinking about something positive can help when stressful events occur. By not raging but choosing to keep calm, you show others that you are able to handle your emotions in a mature way.  When you feel anger coming on, take a couple deep breaths and connect with your body. Feel where the anger comes from and listen to what it is telling you. Allow your rational mind to determine how you want to handle the situation. If you struggle to respond calmly, ask for a time out. Say, “This is important and we need to talk about it, but I am so angry and I need to cool down. Can we talk about this after I’ve had some time to think?” When things get heated, resist the urge to defend your views. Don’t be a brick wall, but be intentional to listen to other people’s opinions, even if you fiercely disagree with them. There are no two people on the planet that will agree on everything. Be respectful and listen, just as much as you want the other person to listen to you. Listening to what other people have to say and not acting defensively shows that you are mature enough to handle conflicts.  You may disagree on clothes, texting, boys/girls, or friends with your parents and you may not find common ground. If you want your parents to understand you, make sure you understand them, too. If you feel defensive, don’t fight back, but speak your feelings. Instead of saying, “You’re calling me a liar! I’m not a liar!”, say, “It’s important that people are truthful with me, which is why I’m hurt that it feels like I’m being accused of lying.” Don’t blame other people for the problems in your life. Recognize that you have choices in how you act and react. All relationships are interactional, meaning that you both contribute to how you feel and what happens. It’s much easier to blame people for how bad you feel, but recognize your role, and take responsibility for your actions. Reflect on what actions you took that contributed to the situation, and own up to them.  Even if someone does have shortcomings, it doesn’t mean that you can blame her for your problems or how you feel, or treat them as less than you.  If you’ve let somebody down, let them know. Instead of blaming external things, say, “I’m sorry I didn’t show up on time. That was my fault and I didn’t allow enough time.” Plan for how you'll do things differently in the future: "Next time, I'll leave ten minutes earlier so I can get there on time." By owning your own mistakes, you show others that you are humble and can admit fault, a very mature action. When you want something, don’t be demanding. Imagine how you would react if someone was always demanding things of you: you probably would not like it. Instead, make requests. Make your case and then explain your request. It’s the toddler in the shopping cart that yells at her mommy to buy the chips. You’re better than that.  If you want a dog, don’t whine until you get one. Ask your parents for a dog, and show that you will take responsibility for it by walking, feeding, and taking care of it. Show your maturity by making a request and following through with actions. Instead of saying, “I deserve it!” or “Why aren’t you giving me what I want?”, say “I would like to tell you that I really want something, and I would like you to hear me out.”