Article: Your body reveals how you feel whether you are saying anything or not, so make sure that your physical expression shows that you feel at ease being around the person.  In addition, there are studies indicating that you can cue your brain how to respond emotionally by intentionally positioning your body and composing your facial expressions positively (like smiling) or negatively (like frowning).  The other person will respond more openly if you are open to them, and your brain will generate more positive feelings.  Relax your shoulders and neck. Don’t stand or sit rigidly. Uncross your arms and legs, and orient your body towards the other person. Keep your expression alert but neutral.  Focus on the person as you interact but don’t stare or hold eye contact too long. Don’t fidget, or check your phone or watch compulsively. Focus on positive, likable traits and acknowledge these behaviors, to yourself, to others, and to the other person.  You are perhaps in the habit of thinking only about those aspects you do not like about the other person, and it is important to break those habitual thought patterns. You can change not only your feelings towards the other person by monitoring what you think and say about the person, but rewire your brain for more happiness overall.  Don’t gossip or complain about the other person. Redirect your thoughts to more positive thoughts when you find yourself dwelling on how you dislike the person. Actively look for good and/or likeable things about the other person, and point out these traits to other people as well as to the person. If there are topics or situations that are typically difficult, try to avoid those exchanges.  These kinds of interactions can overwhelm the best of your intentions, and there is no reason to recreate or instigate stressful exchanges.  You shouldn’t expect yourself or the other person to be perfectly in tune about every little thing. Don’t interrupt or ignore what the other person says.  Instead, take a step back emotionally and consider how you can “pause” things.  You might try to pull other people into the conversation, or excuse yourself for a moment to go the restroom or to check your phone. Just creating a few minutes of breathing room can help you regain your composure, and still stay present with the other person. Don’t storm off or abruptly break off conversation.  This might be a challenge if you’re agitated too, so take a moment to think about choosing with intention to excuse yourself rather than react.  If it’s an appropriate thing to do, you can lightly touch the other person’s arm or shoulder as you tell them you need to go.  Touching someone in a circumstance like this reaffirms your connection to them in a nonthreatening physical way.  Keep in mind that when you need to disengage from the conversation, you don't want to make the other person feel rejected. Listen more than you talk, and give some thought to how you respond.  By being slow and careful with your response, you make it less likely that your emotions will take control of the situation.  Also, when you spend more time listening than talking, you may discover likeable things about the other person.  It might be that the other person has felt ignored or unheard, and the behavior you dislike is at least partly the result of those feelings.  Ask yourself, “Do I really have to react to what he/she just said?” Keep the bigger goal in mind: changing your dislike overall, not in this moment. Make sure you really understand what the person means, not just what they say.  Ask questions, put what they say in your own words, and run it by the other person to see if you got their meaning right. If you have been defensive or closed off with them, you may be causing them to feel insecure and behave antagonistically.  For instance, ask about their holiday or vacation plans, and share your own. It’s important that this comes across as opening up and not competition, so keep it casual.  You want to establish dialogue and maybe common interests or experiences as foundations for positive feelings.  Express interest and enthusiasm for what they tell you, and offer some personal response: say something like, “Oh I have heard that’s a really great vacation spot!” Don’t talk about how much something cost, or how exclusive or high end some thing or place is.  Instead, share how you feel or what you particularly liked about it. Find out what kinds of activities they like, and ask what it is they enjoy about doing those things. Pay attention to what’s going on with the person, and keep him or her on your radar.  Include the other person in after work or after school plans with others. Offer to help with some task, or do some small favor.  Don’t overwhelm them with your attention however.  Suddenly making someone you have disliked the center of your actions will come across as insincere, and maybe even scary.  If you’re picking up coffee for yourself, ask if you can get one for them too. Ask the person to join your group for lunch. If you have skills or experience that the other person could use, offer them your help or guidance. Make it part of your routine to check in with the other person and find out how they are doing.

What is a summary?
Show that you are interested and open. Avoid talking negatively about the other person. Avoid “hot button” topics. Try to redirect the conversation if or when things get tense. Make a polite and relaxed exit if things start going badly. Be thoughtful and focused when talking with the other person. Share more about yourself with the other person. Act with care and thoughtfulness.