Article: Understand there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship. Every relationship has its stumbling blocks, but every relationship also has its unique, wonderful aspects as well. If you are comparing your relationship to someone else’s or to a relationship on a TV show or movie, then it is important to stop doing this.    All couples will argue. Not airing conflict is not healthy to a relationship, after all. Differences of opinion are to be expected between two people from time to time. All couples have something they do not like about their partner (whether they are willing to admit it or not!). Mature couples understand that, as long as their partner’s behavior is not a violation of their values, there will always be something unpleasant or annoying about their partner they have to accept. Keep lines of communication open with your partner to avoid surprises/trust issues on both sides. Be honest about your fears so that your significant other can help you work through them.  Be specific about problems that you need to address and how they make you feel. You could say, “Last night you asked me when we could get engaged. It made me feel very pressured.” This is better than, “You always pressure me about marriage!”  Show empathy to your significant other by actively listening to them and paraphrasing back what you hear. For example, if your partner says, “I don’t know if you’ll ever want to get married,” you could say, “You’re worried that I don’t want to marry you.” This will help you better understand where your partner is coming from.  Apologize if you’ve made a mistake or hurt their feelings. Take responsibility for your behavior causing their pain. For example, “I’m so sorry I didn’t call you last night. I realize now that I had you worried.” Remember that there is no weakness in apologizing. Apologizing demonstrates humility, warmth, and trust. If you need help better communicating as a couple, couples counseling may help you learn how to better communicate with each other. Look for a counselor who is trained in couples therapy to help you. While it may upset your partner to know that you are afraid of committing to them, it is better than keeping them in the dark. Keep in mind that you are not doing anything wrong by staying in the relationship as long as you are honest about your fears of commitment. The other person has the ability to leave the relationship any time they wish. Hopefully, you have been doing some of your own inner work and have an understanding around why you are afraid to commit.  You could say, “I really care about you, but I have noticed that the closer we get, and the more in love with you I am, the more I feel like I want to push you away. This isn’t because you are doing anything wrong. It is because I am afraid.” Try asking for understanding. You could say, “I know this is probably upsetting for you, but I hope you can understand where I think this is coming from. I am afraid to rush into things after my previous relationship. Do you think you could help support me and help me feel less afraid?” Consider what you would like your life to look like five or ten years down the road. Does this vision include a committed, long-term relationship (married or not)? Would you like to have a family? Discuss your ideas with your significant other.  If you and your significant other are discussing a deeper commitment to each other (such as moving in together or marriage), and you feel like it is moving too fast, talk to them. You could say, “I know you are ready to take this step, but I am feeling anxious about it. Would you be willing to wait to help me get comfortable with this idea?” Ask your significant other what amount of time would be appropriate. Keep in mind that it is also important to work on your commitment issues during this time and think about whether or not this is the person you really want to be with. Do not just remain in the relationship and hope for a sign. Remember what compelled you to choose them and why you remain interested. It may be helpful to create a list of things you love about them.  Keep the list in a safe place that you can easily access in times you are feeling anxious or ready to run. Your words about how much you value this person may help keep you grounded and centered. Share your list with your significant other. They will find it very touching to know how much you value them.

What is a summary?
Have realistic expectations and stop making comparisons. Communicate with your partner. Explain your fears to your partner. Think about your personal goals for the future. Remember why you are with your significant other.