Article: When you’re married to a narcissist, self-care should be a #1 priority. It’s important for you to take part in activities that make you feel good about yourself and connect you with positive people. Narcissists often try to isolate you from other people, which may make it hard to maintain your relationships. You may also find that it is hard to keep up with your interests because you are trying to keep the peace at home.  Think about some activities that you have put off since becoming married, or have been dying to try out. Sign up for a class, a Meetup, or check a book out from the library to learn more about a specific interest. You might learn a language, start crafting, become a writer, or start taking kickboxing. Do something you love, just for you. To ensure that your time away doesn’t create a sore spot for your attention-hungry spouse, check in often while you’re engaging in hobbies. You might say, “I’m at my writing course, dear. Is there something I can get for you when I’m headed home?” or “I’m enjoying kickboxing, but I sure miss your handsome face.” Marriage to a narcissistic spouse can feel like everything is about your partner while nothing is about you. Combat feelings of inadequacy by giving yourself permission to be a little selfish and set some goals you have been secretly harboring. To make sure you achieve them, make them SMART goals—that is, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Have you always wanted to go back to school? Make a list of steps you must take to reach this goal. Your list might include researching universities, deciding on a major, taking entrance exams, and getting letters of recommendation. Just because your spouse isn’t attending to your emotional needs doesn’t mean no one can. Find a trusted friend or confidant to share your feelings and experiences with. Spend time with people who value who you are as a person and give as much as they take.  You can reach out to an existing friend by saying, “Hey, Randy, some things have been happening in my marriage and I could really use someone to talk to. Can I trust you to keep this between us?” If you don’t have a trusted person to talk to, try attending a support group for loved ones of narcissists. In such groups, you can connect with people who are going through similar experiences and learn how they cope. Although it can make your marriage more fulfilling if your spouse gets treatment, it can also be helpful if you see a professional as well. Years of belittling, criticizing, and being put in second place can take a toll on your self-esteem, leading to anxiety and depression.  Research a therapist in your area who has experience working with the spouses of narcissists. Interviews several professionals before selecting one you feel comfortable with. Seeing a therapist can also help you learn more about the disorder affecting your spouse and learn more skills about how to cope with it in your marriage. You may be completely against divorce, but you should reconsider your decision if your spouse starts to abuse you. Although many narcissists never become violent, it can happen. Speak with a professional to develop an action plan to follow in times of crisis. Even if your spouse never physically abuses you, narcissistic abuse still involves emotional and mental abuse that can have lasting consequences to your well-being. Talk to your therapist to weigh the pros and cons of leaving your marriage, especially if you have children because this behavior can be learned.

What is a summary?
Regain your identity by pursuing passions. Develop realistic personal goals for yourself. Surround yourself with a positive network. See a professional therapist. Consider ending the marriage if your spouse becomes violent.