Article: Do you pay attention to the constant conversation going on in your own head? Self-talk is either productive and positive or negative and detrimental to your well-being. Focusing on your self-determined negative qualities will keep you in a state of insecurity. Harshly judging yourself does no good for anyone.  Avoid harshly judging yourself because it produces an unfair representation of you. Picking on yourself is detrimental to your mood, motivation and outlook on life.  Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself three things you like about yourself. The more you point out the positive, the more likely it is that you will build confidence and hush your insecure self-talk. Your negative self-talk may make it difficult for you to speak up for yourself. Positive self-talk will build your ability to speak up for yourself. There are certain social situations that cause people to feel anxious and insecure. Perhaps you struggle to mingle at parties, talking in front of others or walking down the main hall at school. Sometimes when people don't feel confident or well-versed in a skill, they can feel unsure. The good news is, you can learn to identify and resolve these issues.  Social situations may trigger thoughts and feelings that you are not doing the right thing at the right time and you don’t want to be embarrassed. Use visualization techniques to calm yourself. Visualize yourself being comfortable simply observing and enjoying the experience. Seek professional help for social anxiety, which will help you examine and challenge the thoughts that are distorting the reality of the situation, and help build healthy self-esteem.  Your insecurities may be manifesting in social situations as bullying behaviors. This is an attempt to control situations to avoid feeling insecure. Find other ways to create success in your life such as cooperating with others rather than forcing your opinion upon them. Notice if you feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and desires to others, which can lead to resentment and frustration. If you only express your needs passively, your needs will likely go unmet, and you may begin to feel anger and contempt.  Practice using assertive language to ask for what you need. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you will ultimately feel more comfortable when your needs start being expressed.  A fear of losing safety can motivate negative behaviors. For example, if you get nervous, anxious and lash out at people when you are getting ready to travel, you might be feeling insecure about the uncertainty of your safety. There are times when it is helpful to ask others for their opinions. You may not always recognize how you are behaving, so getting input from trusted friends or family can be helpful. They may notice that you get extremely quiet around certain people, or freeze and shut down in certain situations.  Not everyone is able to give constructive feedback, so think about a friend or family member that can be honest with you without being abusive, dismissive, or demeaning. Ask that person if they notice that you demonstrate any insecurities. Request that they be completely honest. You might feel vulnerable when asking others for input about you as a person, but your goal is to learn more about yourself so you can lessen your insecurities. An example of good feedback would be something like: "You seem really concerned with fitting in with people you think are cool, and when they're around you get really loud and out of control. I think you are great and have a lot to offer others, and you could work on building your self-confidence." An example of destructive feedback would be: "You're a total weirdo and a slob." In times of upheaval, you may notice your responses are inflamed and you feel defensive. You might also cower and feel ashamed and humiliated. Your actions may differ from one situation to another or in the presence of certain people. Conflict brings out the worst in a lot of people.  For example, you might feel insecure about your education because you had trouble reading when you were in elementary school. Then, as an adult someone makes a joke about you missing what was said on a memo. You respond with anger toward the person because his joke triggered an insecurity you have about your reading ability. Think about some of the major conflicts you have had. Try to identify what triggered your response. Your response may have seemed out of proportion to what was said. The underlying feelings that were triggered can usually be tied to an insecurity.

What is a summary?
Evaluate your self-talk. Address social situations. Ask for feedback from others. Monitor your response to conflict.