Article: Fights occur from time to time in relationships. An abusive partner might call what they do “fighting,” but it’s much more than that. The yelling, the hitting, slapping, punching, pinching, and choking are not a result of disagreements, but a “pattern of behavior” your partner uses to control you. Physical attacks can vary greatly. They can happen just once in a while, or they can happen with great frequency. They can also vary in severity. They can also be a one-time incident.  The physical attacks may occur in a pattern, or can be an apparent, or a constant, underlying or overt threat. They can also make you fear for your safety or the safety of the people, things, or even pets you love. When this is the case, physical abuse can permeate and affect every aspect of your life. Keep in mind that physical attacks can “cycle.” This means that there can be a period of calm, followed by an escalation, and then the attack. After the attack, the entire cycle can begin again. The actual acts of physical violence might seem like they are self-explanatory or too obvious to mention, but for people who grew up getting hit, they might not realize that this is not a normal, healthy behavior. Some of the signs of physical abuse are:  Pulls your hair. Punches, slaps, or kicks you. Bites or chokes you. Denies you the right to meet your basic needs, such as food and sleep Breaks your belongings or the things in your home, such as throws your dishes, punch holes in the walls. Threatens you with a knife or gun, or uses a weapon on you. Physically bars you from leaving, calling 911 for help, or going to the hospital. Physically abuses your children. Kicks you out of your car and leaves you in strange places. Drives aggressively and in a dangerous manner while you are in the car. Makes you drink alcohol or take drugs. An abuser tends to go through a “honeymoon” period, where they appear to be the ideal partner to draw you in. They apologize and treat you well, buying gifts and being friendly. Then their behavior shifts and they start abusing again. You are slowly conditioned to accept their behavior. As a result of physical abuse, you may experience bruises, cuts or other injuries. Think about if you’re wearing turtleneck shirts in the summer or wearing makeup to hide bruises. It’s the physical acts of abuse that usually call the most attention to the problem of an abusive relationship. These behaviors usually occur along with emotional, mental, financial, and sexual abuse., Physical abuse may not be apparent at the beginning of the relationship. The relationship might start out with what appears to be healthy, ideal behavior.  One woman recalls her husband meeting her at the train station after work at the beginning of their relationship with flowers. This story was recounted while undergoing treatment in the hospital for a broken nose when her husband threw a laundry basket at her face. She blamed herself for this injury. That perfect beginning is often what keeps victims in the relationship. Or, the troublesome behaviors can be very subtle at first. It might begin with extreme jealousy and controlling behavior, convincing the victim that this is what “real love” is like. The abuser might say that they care for the victim so deeply that they can’t help their bad behaviors: “You make me so crazy, I just lose control. That’s how much I care for you.”

What is a summary?
Think about what happens when your partner fights with you. Track physical attacks that your partner has made. Look for signs of physical abuse. Count how many times you’ve had a “honeymoon” period. Count when you need to cover bruises or other injuries. Understand that physical abuse is usually accompanied by other abuse. Realize that physical abuse may not happen immediately.