Article: While you may feel like you put in a lot of effort to this relationship-- including caretaking roles-- it’s likely you’ve also gained from this relationship. If you did not find some fulfillment in the relationship, you probably would have ended the relationship much sooner. Consider how this relationship has served you and why it no longer serves you. For example, you may have felt like you had a sense of purpose by taking care of someone who was an alcoholic or that had a major medical condition. You may love the feeling of “being needed” or being in control. People in codependent relationships tend to have a fear of abandonment. This can be one reason they choose a helping role in a relationship: taking care of someone and having someone depend on them means this person won’t likely abandon them. If you have a fear of people leaving you, see a therapist. Therapy can help you work through feelings of abandonment, explore ways to care for yourself, and trust others. Often, abandonment issues start in childhood or with a traumatic event. It’s beneficial to work through these issues in order to help you free yourself from the fear of abandonment. Chances are, you find at least part of your self-worth in caretaking. Instead of relying on helping others to validate you, learn to validate yourself without needing others to validate you. You may feel as if you need others to tell you how important you are, but you can do this on your own. As you think about ending the codependent relationship, reflect on where you derive your sense of self-worth. How do you perceive yourself?  What are your own thoughts about who you are and what you deserve? Do other people seem more able to attain success or happiness than you? You may be so caught up in meeting someone else’s needs that you neglect your own needs. While it may feel like the person depends on you, recognize what is within your own responsibility. It’s likely that by devoting your time, attention, and resources on this person, you’ve neglected taking care of yourself. You may feel like you have no idea who you are outside of taking care of this person, or that your full identity is taking care of someone. Start to regain a sense of what your own needs are. For instance, do you need alone time to recharge after a stressful day? What do you do to cope with stress? Have you neglected your nutritional or exercise needs? What about sleep?

What is a summary?
Think about what the relationship fulfilled for you. Work through feelings of abandonment. Validate your own self-worth. Meet your own needs.