Article: There’s a difference between being an introvert and being so shy that you can’t have a conversation with a person at a party. Introversion is a personality trait: it’s what makes you happy and comfortable. Shyness, on the other hand, comes from fear or anxiety about interacting with others. Learning to tell whether you’re an introvert or just shy can help you break out of your shell.  Introverts tend to enjoy solitude. They feel “recharged” by being alone. They enjoy hanging out with people, but they usually prefer to do it in small groups and have quiet gatherings rather than big parties. If you feel happy and comfortable on your own, like it’s meeting a need you have, you may be introverted.  Shyness can cause anxiety over interacting with others. Unlike introverts, who enjoy being alone, people who are shy often wish they could interact more with others but feel afraid to do so.  Research has demonstrated that shyness and introverted have a very low correlation -- in other words, being shy doesn’t mean you’re introverted, and being introverted doesn’t mean you “hate people.”  You can take a shyness quiz online from Wellesley College to determine how shy you are. A score of above 49 indicates that you’re very shy, between 34-49 that you’re kind of shy, and below 34 that you’re not very shy. It's hard to come out of your shell when you feel like others are scrutinizing everything about you. But science shows that we’re our own worst critics -- most of the time, others don’t even notice the faux pas we may think are catastrophic. Learn to examine your actions from a place of acceptance and understanding rather than criticism.  Self-consciousness comes from a place of embarrassment and shame. We worry that others are judging us as harshly as we’re judging ourselves for our mistakes and slip-ups. For example, a self-conscious thought might be, "I can't believe I just said that. I sound like a complete idiot." This thought judges you and does not offer any help for the future. A self-aware thought might be, “Whoops, I completely blanked on that person’s name! I’ll have to figure out some strategies to remember others’ names better.” This thought acknowledges that you flubbed something, but doesn’t make it the end of the world. It also acknowledges that you can learn to do things differently in the future. People who have trouble coming out of their shells are often plagued by the idea that the people around them are watching their every move, waiting for them to fail. When you're in a social situation, do you spend all your time scrutinizing every single action of every single person in the room? Of course not -- you're too busy focusing on the things that are actually important to you. And guess what? Most people are the same way.  ”Personalization” is a common cognitive distortion, or unhelpful way of thinking that your brain has made a habit. Personalization blames you for things that really aren’t your responsibility. It can make you take everything personally, even when it has nothing to do with you. Learn to challenge personalization by reminding yourself that it isn’t actually all about you. That coworker who didn’t return your friendly wave probably isn’t mad at you; she might not have seen you, or she might be having a hard day, or she might be worried about things that you’re not even aware of. Remembering that every person has a rich internal life of thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires can help remind you that most people are too busy to spend their time scrutinizing you. You may be afraid to come out of your shell because you're constantly reminding yourself of all of the things you did to screw up a social situation. You might walk away thinking, "I was way too quiet," "The only comment I made was completely idiotic," or "I think I offended so-and so..." Well, sure, we all make social faux pas, but we all also succeed socially as well. Instead of obsessing over the worst things you might or might not have done, focus on the positives. Remind yourself that you were able to make people laugh, that they looked genuinely happy to see you, or that you made a great point about something.  ”Filtering” is another common cognitive distortion. It happens when you focus only on what went wrong, and ignore anything that went right. This is a natural human tendency. Fight back against filtering by being more mindful of your experiences and actively acknowledging what goes right. You could keep a little notebook with you and write down whenever something positive happens, no matter how minor it may seem to you. You could even keep a Twitter or Instagram account to record these little moments. When you find yourself thinking thoughts that focus on the negative, pull out your list of positive things and remind yourself that you do plenty of things well. And what you aren’t great at right now, you can learn! If you want to come out of your shell, then you have to develop your confidence and be happy with who you are. If you're happy with who you are, then you'll be more likely to share who you are with other people. Think about the things that make you a special person: your quirky sense of humor, your experiences from traveling, the intelligence you've gained from reading so much. Be proud of the things that make you you and remind yourself that you do have qualities that are worth sharing the next time you step out into the world.  Make a list of all the things that make you proud of yourself in some way. Nothing is too “minor” for this list! We often make a habit of minimizing our own talents and accomplishments (another cognitive distortion), assuming that whatever we know isn’t as cool as what everyone else knows. But not everyone knows how to play the ukulele or make perfect scrambled eggs or find the best shopping deals. Whatever you can do, be proud of it. success. Before you walk into a social situation, picture yourself walking into a room proud and tall, having people be genuinely happy to see you, and making them respond positively to a social interaction with you. You don't have to picture yourself as the center of attention (in fact, that's probably the last thing you want!), but you should picture the outcome that you want. It’ll help you work to achieve it.  There are two types of visualization, and you need to use both for the best results. With “outcome visualization,” you imagine yourself achieving your goal. Close your eyes and picture how your next social interaction will be fun and enjoyable. Picture your body language, words, and movements, as well as the positive reactions of other people. Imagine them smiling at you, laughing at your jokes, and being genuinely happy to hang out with you. With “process visualization,” you have to imagine the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. For example, to get to that easy, relaxed social interaction, what did that hypothetical future-you do? Prep a few “small-talk” topics? Pump yourself up with a few positive affirmations beforehand? What actions will increase your likelihood of success? Visualization is essentially mental “rehearsal.” It allows you to “practice” a situation before you go through with it. You can also identify potential snags and come up with ways to beat them. Visualizing can help you accomplish your goals because it can actually trick your brain into believing you’ve already been successful at them.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Learn the difference between introversion and shyness. Turn self-consciousness into self-awareness. Remember that nobody is watching you as closely as you are. Challenge self-critical thoughts. Find what makes you unique. Visualize