While revenge may cross your mind and you may even begin to plot your plan, don’t go through with it. Revenge may be a way that people seek justice, yet the quest for justice may result in more injustice if the cycle of revenge continues. When you want revenge on someone, acknowledge your feelings as a way to cope with a loss of trust.  Don’t act on your impulses; wait until you are calm and in control of your body and emotions. It is likely that feelings of revenge will pass once you get out of the mindset.  If you choose to talk to the person you resent, watch your words. Don’t say anything you may regret in a moment of passion or to get revenge. It’s ultimately not worth it. Remember that no one person can meet all of your needs. If you believe that having a partner or a friend or being part of a family means that you will have all your needs met, think again. Having high expectations sets you up for failure.  Resentment can occur when expectations aren’t communicated clearly. A discussion on expectations and desires can help clarify current problems and avoid future problems. Have clear expectations with the people in your life. Compromise with the people in your life on what standards and expectations you each have for the relationship. When discussing your resentment with someone, don’t be quick to place all of the blame onto him. Instead, own your own feelings and experience. You cannot tell someone what his motivation was, or why he did something, because you simply cannot make that judgment call for someone else. Instead, focus on yourself, your hurt, and your experience. Instead of saying “You ruined the relationship and I’ll never forgive you!” try saying “I feel very hurt by what you did and it’s hard for me to move past this.” Sometimes it’s hard to admit that you yourself are flawed, have blind spots, and don’t always respond to situations in the most constructive way. This a reality for every person on planet Earth. Just as you want people to forgive your mistakes, extend the same courtesy to the people in your life. Remember that the person that hurt you is flawed, and sometimes functions from a place of limiting beliefs or skewed perception. Accepting that people make mistakes doesn’t mean excusing their behavior. It means you allow yourself to see the context surrounding the person and the experience to help you understand better. Allow the people in your life to be positive people who support you and allow you to make your own decisions. These are people who allow you to make mistakes and still support you. Have friends that are honest with you, that will give you a fresh perspective when you are stuck, or that will tell you when you are over-reacting. Good friends will accept you regardless of the mistakes you make, and being a good friend means accepting others even when they make mistakes. You may feel betrayed or absolutely justified in your resentment toward someone, making forgiveness nearly impossible. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the situation didn’t happen or that you have to excuse the person’s behavior. Forgiveness means you let go of the pain the person caused you.  Ask yourself what the person or situation triggered that deeply hurt you. Did you experience feeling abandoned, traumatized, or re-experience unpleasant memories from the past? It’s likely the person uncovered a deeper hurt inside you.  You don’t even have to verbally forgive someone. You can forgive someone who is no longer in your life or who has passed on. One way to practice forgiveness is by writing the situation and then writing about why you are choosing to forgive. Have a small (safe) fire and burn the paper.

Summary:
Avoid revenge. Have realistic expectations of others. Use “I” statements in discussions. Allow people to make mistakes. Surround yourself with positive people. Forgive.