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. Communicate with others in a way that lets them know your wants and needs while still respecting theirs.  When being assertive, use “I” statements; facts rather than judgments; take ownership of your thoughts and feelings; and make clear, direct requests rather than phrasing them as questions to which people can respond “no.”An example might be to say, “I have noticed that you often leave your dishes in the sink rather than putting them into the dishwasher. When I come home from work/school I get anxious when see them there, and I feel the need to clean the kitchen up before I can start making my own dinner. Let’s come up with a timeframe for doing dishes that we can both live with.”  If assertive communication is new behaviour for you, be prepared for people who know you to be confused by the change. It may be helpful to explain to them that you are trying to change the way that you communicate. Part of being assertive means  setting clear boundaries. The purpose of setting these is to protect yourself and also to give others a clear idea of what you are and are not willing to put up with. An example of setting a boundary might be, with an alcoholic relative, to tell them that you enjoy their company, but you do not like the way that they behave when they are drunk; as a result, if they call you or come over when they are drunk, you will hang up on them or not let them into your house. . Exuding confidence is largely about  body language. When communicating with someone, some key things that you can do to appear confident include maintaining  good posture, making eye contact, and being calm and positive.  When standing, good posture means keeping your shoulders straight, back and relaxed, your abdomen pulled in, your feet hip distance apart, your weight balanced evenly on both feet, and your hands hanging naturally at your sides. In addition, you’ll have a gentle bend to your knees (don’t lock them), and your head will be balanced on your neck, not tilted forward, back, or to the side.  Assertive body language includes facing the person to whom you are speaking; standing or sitting tall; avoiding dismissive gestures such as rolling your eyes or waving your hand as if to wave their response away; staying serious but pleasant; and maintaining a calm and non abrasive tone of voice.  Mirroring the other person can help them feel more comfortable and may create a better environment for communication. To empathize with someone is to understand and share their feelings; to sympathize with them is to feel pity and sorrow for them. Expressing or eliciting sympathetic responses only reinforces victimized thinking.  When you seek or give sympathy, you are seeking/giving pity. You might find that when expressing your problems, you encourage people to feel sorry for you by emphasizing how powerless you are in the situation. You might find that they offer solutions and/or even try to rescue you. The desire to rescue someone usually comes from a good place, but it also tells the person you seek to rescue that you don't believe they can help themselves. A sympathetic response to a complaint might be, "I feel so sorry for you. Have you tried XYZ?"  When you seek or give empathy, you are seeking/giving support. Someone who offers empathy offers understanding without pity. A person who empathizes with you shares in your emotions but believes that you can help yourself. An example of an empathetic response to a complaint might be, "I can imagine how difficult this must be for you. What do you need right now?"  When we act helpless and seek sympathy, we place ourselves in the position of victim and we ask others to be our rescuers. This is unfair both to ourselves and our would-be rescuers. An empathetic approach emphasizes mutual respect and the belief that we care about each other but know that we are capable of taking care of ourselves. If you’re feeling angry, stressed out, anxious, or otherwise upset in some way, take a moment to calm yourself through breathing. Breathe in deeply through your nose, thinking of your breath as inflating your stomach, rather than your chest.

Summary:
Be assertive Set clear boundaries.  Exude confidence Know the difference between empathy and sympathy, and avoid sympathy. Breathe.