Article: Saying “no” is empowering and allows you to be in control of your life without trying to please other people. So why is it so hard to say no? Saying no takes some practice, so start noticing when you’re fearful to say no and practice saying “no” in the mirror to get more comfortable with those words. When saying no, make it clear that you are saying no to the request, not to the individual.  Don’t feel obligated to commit to something on the spot. Say, “Can I have a moment to think this decision over and get back to you?” If someone is being pushy, be just as resolute at saying no. Say, “I know you won’t give up easily, but I am not going to change my mind.” Know that people ask you for favors or to do projects because they believe in you. Always say “thank you for thinking of me”, even when you politely decline. You may continue to have this person in your life because there’s some benefit in it for you. This person may be a romantic partner whom you live with or share finances, or you may need that person to boost you up when you feel down. You may feel fearful of this person leaving you and have a fear of abandonment, even if you’re unhappy in the relationship.  Ask yourself what benefits you receive from the relationship, whether they be physical (companionship, monetary needs, sex), emotional (someone to talk to, a sense of belonging), and related to feeling dependent. Ask yourself, “Is this relationship fair to this person?  Is it fair to me?” If you have fears of abandonment, do some inner work and resolve the trauma of abandonment.  You can also Find a Therapist. You may need to discuss appropriate boundaries with this person. Decide what boundaries you want to enforce, and ask yourself how each boundary will benefit you and the relationship. Thinking of the benefits will help you commit to keeping the boundary and not feel guilty about enforcing it.  Affirm each boundary with positive statements. “Even though this person may be unhappy with this boundary, I have the right to decide how to spend my time, energy, and resources.” You may be with a partner who always wants to hear that she is beautiful, that you love her, and that you only have eyes for him. If you’re not emotionally open or ready for that kind of relationship, let him or her know. Say, “I am not in a position to give you all of the things you want.” Remember that you have control over your life. If someone drains you, it’s time to create some boundaries.
What is a summary of what this article is about?
Learn to say “no”. Don’t engage in dependent relationships. Create boundaries.