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Take some time to compose yourself before you apologize. Write an apology letter. Apologize one on one in a quiet, private area. Accept responsibility for your behavior. Express regret for your behavior. Make a promise to change your behavior. Ask for forgiveness.

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Though you may want to throw yourself at the mercy of the person you have offended as soon as you realize your bad behavior, you may want to wait a little before apologizing. Depending on how bad your behavior was, you may take a day away from the person to give them some space and let your emotions cool down. Taking some time to compose yourself will also allow you to think about how you plan to apologize and what you are going to say in your apology. Often, a well thought out and clear apology a day after the offending incident can be more effective than a casual, awkward apology right after the incident. If you are struggling to put your apology into words, you may want to try sitting down and composing an apology letter. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you get a better sense of what you want to say to the person. It will also force you to confront your bad behavior and consider why you acted badly. Identifying the reason(s) for your bad behavior may allow you to write a more sincere and clear apology to the person. Though you may not actually give the letter to the person, writing down your thoughts can help you to craft a better in person apology.  In your letter, you should focus on saying “I’m sorry” but without adding any excuses for your behavior. Avoid saying “I’m sorry for my behavior, but I am under a lot of stress” and instead say, “I’m sorry for my behavior and for the way I treated you. I was stressed, and I took it out on you, which was inappropriate.” Replacing the word but with the word and can be a good start. You should also try to empathize with the person’s point of view in your letter, noting that you understand why the person may be upset at you. You should also make a point of promising that you will try to act more appropriately in the future, as this shows you are making an effort to correct your behavior. End the letter on a positive note, stating that what you did will never happen again and that you hope you can both move past the incident. You may want to sign the letter, “Sincerely” to show that you are trying to be honest and truthful. If you decide to apologize in person, you should make sure you make the apology in a quiet, private area. This could be in your office at work, in a conference room, in your home, or in a quiet area of the library at school. Apologizing in a private area, one on one, will allow you to be honest and upfront about your feelings. If the person is very upset at you for your behavior, you may want to suggest a public place that feels neutral and safe for both of you, such as a coffee shop close by where the person lives or a bar. You should start your apology by discussing your bad behavior and acknowledging that it was inappropriate. Be specific when discussing your bad behavior, as this will show the person that you are able to take responsibility for your actions. Doing this will indicate you are willing to admit you were wrong, which will likely make the person more willing to forgive you. For example, you may say, “I was wrong to yell at you during the meeting with the shareholders. I was also wrong to swear at you and use inappropriate language when I spoke to you.” Once you have acknowledged your behavior and acknowledged it was inappropriate, you should express sincere regret for your words and actions. This will let the person know that you are aware you caused them discomfort or pain. You are trying to connect emotionally with the person so try to be as honest and sincere as you can. For example, you may say, “I realize that my words and actions were wrong and I regret that I let my anger get out of hand. I know that I hurt you and embarrassed you, and I am sorry for my behavior.” You should offer some way of making up for your behavior, whether this is a promise that you will never act the way you did again or a promise that you will talk to the person with respect rather than lash out at them in the future. You should make a realistic promise to the person as a way to strengthen your apology. Make sure your promise notes your desire to change your behavior so you do not act badly again.  For example, you may say: “I promise that I will never speak out again in a meeting and speak inappropriately to you or to others.” You may also say, “I know I keep lashing out at you and I do not want to keep behaving this way. I will work on how I process my emotions and make sure I do not take them out on you.” Another option is to ask the person how you can make it up to them and let them dictate their expectations for you. This may be a useful option if you are apologizing to a partner or spouse and want them to give you input on how you can make up for your bad behavior. You may ask, “How can I make up for my behavior?” You should end your apology by asking for forgiveness for your actions. Requesting forgiveness and putting yourself at the mercy of the person will show that you are sincere in your apology. Always form the request for forgiveness as a question, rather than a statement. You want the forgiveness element to feel like you are at the mercy of the person, rather than demanding something of them. You may say, “I’m sorry I behaved the way I did. I know I behaved inappropriately. Will you forgive me?”