Achieving your goals will help you establish your life and set of experiences separate from others’ expectations. Begin by stating your goal. If you want to run a marathon, state this as your goal. You can assess where you’re at (for example, get a sense of how much distance you can run before any training begins). When you set a goal for yourself, track your progress so that you can see how you are moving toward that goal. This will help you focus on yourself and not on other people.  Go at your pace. Take your unique situation into account when you track your progress. For example, if you are taking longer to get a graduate degree than some of your friends, you can think about how you are also working full-time, or you are raising a family, or you are caring for your elderly parents. Everyone faces a unique situation that enables or restricts progress. Think about your circumstances as you track your progress. If you are training for a marathon, you can track how much improvement you see every week. Run for a longer distance each week until you hit the 26-mile mark.  At the same time you are gaining distance, you are also increasing your speed.  By charting your progress, you can see how far you’ve come and how much further you have to go. If you see areas that you would like to improve, take classes, workshops or lessons to hone your skills and techniques. This will add to your self-confidence and help you find your place and value. It's important to recognize that perfection is an unproductive thought pattern where one holds an unrealistic ideal as a standard of achievement. Recognize that everyone's circumstances are entirely unique. You can work on improving your abilities to make yourself happy. Many high achieving athletes and actors have said that they compete against themselves. They constantly try to improve their own personal best.  That is a good way to elevate your esteem as you see yourself reaching higher and higher goals. When an athlete aims to be the best in his sport, he may be encouraged to set goals for himself and push himself to run faster and sharpen his skills. When you learn to use your standards to assess yourself, you will stop comparing yourself to others. This practice takes away the competition you may be feeling because other people’s expectations are not yours. If you acknowledge your ability to create the life you desire for yourself, you have control over the outcome. Judge yourself by your standards, and not by anyone else’s standards. Consider the advantage that others can bring you. If you have friends who are highly achieving people, you might consider that their networks are full of people who might be able to help you become more successful in your life. Instead of envying their success, use their success to your advantage. For example, you might look at pictures of athletes to admire their fitness. Instead of feeling inferior and jealous, you can use these as motivation to make changes in your life. You might decide to change your eating habits and get more exercise. Then, you are using the pictures productively instead of negatively. Once you learn to judge yourself by your standards, you will feel freer to start with small, incremental risks. These risks will enable you to raise the bar even higher for yourself. Often what prevents people from reaching their personal best is that they’re afraid to take risks.  They become bound up in fears that keep them from achieving beyond others’ expectations. Start with small steps. This will help build your self-confidence in your abilities. When you surround yourself with supportive people, you will find that you improve your perception of yourself. Good coaching comes in many forms.  There are those coaches who scream and humiliate their players. There are those who insist on excellence, push their athletes to run faster, jump higher, or swim more laps, but follow up with love and support.  The coach who teaches with love is the one that will help produce the most balanced overall human being. Think of yourself as your coach, pushing you toward excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts. Then you will reach goals that you set for yourself by raising your esteem, instead of destroying it.

Summary:
State your goal. Mark your progress. Work on improving your abilities. Compete against yourself. Judge you by your standards. Appreciate others instead of envying them. Take occasional risks. Build your support network. Be your coach.