Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: Long story. Strap in kids, there’ll be a TL;DR and cookies at the end of the post.

Backstory: me and my ex were together nearly 10 years, I’m currently 25, she’s 24. It was a long distance relationship for ages, which culminated in me simply up and emigrating to be with her. She broke up with me 4 months after I did.

Cut to 2 months ago, she gets back in touch with me (at this point I’m back in the UK trying to build a life for myself, she’s still in Vietnam travelling and on/off working). Tells me she needs money, £400. Says it’s “just to tide me over until I get paid”. Fair enough. I hate lending money to people but we were together a long-ass time, and I still trusted her, so I sent her the money on the basis that she pay me back in a weeks time. If she didn’t pay me back in that time, we agreed that she would go to her parents, borrow the £400 from them, and use it to repay me.

A week later I don’t have the money. Now atm I’m living with my parents, so I’m saving a fair amount of bank, but I am also looking to buy a property soon so I would eventually need the money back. I ask what’s happening. She apologised and swore that she would get me the money ‘soon’.

2 weeks after she said that and nothing had changed, just me texting her for an update and constantly being told ‘soon’, when she finally tells me the truth. I thought she was waiting on a pay check from an employer. Nope. She lent a huge amount of money to a new boyfriend she met in Cambodia or somewhere like that, and he ran off with it. She was waiting for him to pay her back (of his own volition) so that she could give me my money back.

Worse, a few days prior she had asked for my bank details. Ok, I thought, I trust her. She sent them to this Spanish boyfriend so he could pay me back himself. Obviously he didn’t because he’s a con artist and her money is gone. Now, if this money was because a cheating employer hadn’t paid her I would have been more forgiving, but she gave (she never said how much, so I imagine a lot) of money to a guy she’d known for a few months at most, and expected me to be sympathetic about it?

It had now gotten to be a month since I lent her the money ‘for one week’. I got insistent. She maintained that the Spanish guy would pay her back, and that she trusted him. I maintained that I didn’t care, and said if she didn’t pay me back I would go to her parents and ask them to pay me back (remember that the original agreement had her borrow money off them and use it to pay me? She did borrow it money from them, but kept it). Eventually she caved and sent me the money, but hasn’t spoken to me since.

During the time I was getting more and more persistent about the money:

• My mum could see that I had lent it her and I hadn’t got it back, since she’s able to control my back account. She was constantly on my back about it.

• I was telling her she was naive to think she was getting the money back, and stupid to lend it in the first place. Pot calling the kettle black, maybe, but I’d known her for half my life. She knew this guy for months, at most.

• Her family were... honestly I have no idea. Enabling her, mostly, and telling her she did nothing wrong.

• The crux of it all was when I asked if she’d learned any lesson from this, she said if it happened again she’d give her money away again. Honestly, no idea how I put up with that for so long.

So, whew. What a ride, eh folks? Anyone needs any more info speak up but I think that’s a good jumping off point. AITA because I got mad and demanding, despite me not needing the money at that time? She really was very poor. But she also lied to me about the reason she had no money, and showed herself to be utterly delusional near the end.

TLDR: me send ex money for one week. Month later, ex no pay me. She need more than me. Ex need money because ‘new me’ stole money off her. Ex waiting for ‘new me’ to pay her back. Me get demanding, say me go to ex’s parents for money. Ex send money then ghosts. Is me bad?

demanding my ex pay owed money at a time where she needed it a lot more than me