Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this being my second post ever, i'm prepared for it to disappear into oblivion, but the more i think about it, the more i realize this sub would be incomplete without it.

(obligatory this was several months ago)

i've got waxy-ass ears. every time a doctor checks them out, i get a "tsk, awful lot of wax in there." like yeah dude, i fucking know, but i'm not supposed to q-tip that shit, so what do you want from me? like it's some kind of personal moral failing. but i digress. once a year or so, i pour some hydrogen peroxide in there to deal with the issue (on the off chance anyone reads this, don't lose your damn minds. i've had doctors suggest i do this, doctors who say not to do it, and doctors who look at me like i'm fucking crazy. my takeaway is that it works for me and medical science might not know all there is to know about waxy-ass ears). the peroxide bubbles away for awhile, then i flip over on to that ear to let it drain while i do the other side. it's great.

so i have my so help me with the procedure by pouring in the peroxide. he expresses some misgivings, being unfamiliar with the plight, but gamely helps me out. all goes well, i put the bottle to the side, and we go to sleep.

fast forward several hours. i wake up, reach over, grab my water bottle, unscrew the cap, and take a big ol gulp. as i'm in the middle of taking my next gulp, it dawns on me. i don't have a water bottle next to my bed - i have a glass. in that half-second i realize what i've done, and leap from bed with a mouthful of hydrogen peroxide. i spit into the bathroom sink and take a long hard look in the mirror. fuck. i'm feeling the bubbles work their way down my esophagus into my tum. it does not feel good. it is burny. and bubbly. i try to make myself throw up - not happening. i realize this might be one of those things where you *don't* want to throw up the poison you just drank, to avoid further damage. i go to the fridge. i drink a shit ton of cashew milk, cause that's what we've got. i eat a glob of peanut butter, thinking the peroxide might attach to that rather than the lining of my stomach (i don't fucking know man, it was 3am and i was freaking out).

realizing i was gonna be up and down a lot, i move my pillow and blanket to the couch. i do some googling. i'm probs not gonna die, says the internet. i haven't drank enough and it's the very diluted kind, as opposed to the sort of diluted kind. this knowledge is only vaguely comforting, as my entire insides were on fire. i eventually fall into a fitful sleep. an hour of so later, my so realizes i'm not in bed and comes to see what's up. "i drank peroxide." no really grasping wtf that meant, he tells me to come back to bed and i do. i move a pillow on the bed and as i do it bursts, covering our bed in a layer of feathers. having reached peak "what the fuck" for one night, we put a blanket down over the feathers and go the fuck back to bed.

my next several days were spent cleaning feathers and pooping tar. very cheap cleanse that i do not recommend.

 

edit: thank you for all of the ear cleaning advice, team! this is the most exciting day! oh, and as for team "call poison control" - i did, but a) it was tremendously unhelpful and b) it was uninteresting and made the story too long. also, dr. google informed me that night that people drink food grade hydrogen peroxide *on purpose* to cleanse. it's a terrible idea, but apparently a thing.

one more: thanks for the gold, internet friend! i will always remember this day, probably!

also: i too use the q. the yearly-peroxiding is just extra. i'm very interested in all this other stuff though.
and: the *seam* on the pillow broke open as i pulled it across the bed. dunno bro.

TIFU By Cleaning My Ears