Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: I understand the title is a bit strange, but if you make it through the wall of text, I hope it will make sense.

**TL;DR** I want 2 kittens as pets, and some things have been said to me that make me wonder if I am an asshole in the way I am going about it.

**Background (relevant to the comments that have me pondering on my assholishness):** 8 years ago, I got 2 beautiful kitties within a month of each other. They were both found abandoned on different sides of the state, and the people that found them could not keep them, so I drove to meet them and took them in. We spent 5 wonderful years together before I had to move across the country, for a job opportunity that, despite being my dream job, meant lots of traveling and pretty irregular schedules. Since the cats had also bonded with my parents, they stayed back and now live happily on the East Coast. I have thought many times about bringing them over, but they are so absolutely adored by my parents, and they are spoiled to death… it just feels it would be cruel to separate them now :( 

**Current situation:** I decided 4 months ago to adopt again, and have have yet to find a pair that I like, feel connected to etc. I have subscribed to several local shelters and rescues, passed a home check, and get updates when new cats that match my criteria are brought in. Most of the cats however are either older (or old), can’t be with another cat in the house, have health issues, or by the time I find them they are already adopted. 

The last one makes me happy in a way since it means my area is very active and caring, but I have cursed my bad timing more than once when I see the cutest most perfect bonded pair available and by the time I apply and make it to the shelter, they are already in the process of getting adopted by someone else.

All in all, I have yet to find two kittens (pair or separate) that I have absolutely fallen in love with, or otherwise been crazy enthused to adopt yet. I have thought about it for a while, and based on my previous experience, this is what I have landed on:

* I want kittens or young cats. I want to see them grow and grow old myself with them. Finding older cats that are in bonded pairs, or get along well with other cats is more difficult, plus I also want cats that are energetic! 

* I want healthy cats. I know as they get older, they will start having health issues, as will I, but I would like to deal with these issues when they come, and not from the get-go.
* I want either a bonded pair, or 2 kittens that get along well with other cats. From what I have been told, young kittens need to socialize with other cats, and adopting them in pairs, or existing bonded pairs, is good for their development. It also helps as I still sporadically work long hours, and they can keep each other company until I get home. 

* I don’t particularly care about the breed, but I would like cats with short hair that mostly stays on them (and for my second wish, genie, I want to win the lottery). I definitely don’t want a Sphynx cat though.

Just to be clear, I do not want to buy a cat from a kitten mill (is this how they’re called, similar to puppy mills? are they even a thing? anyway you get the point). I am also not die-hard determined to adopt from any one shelter, or any shelter at all. If someone finds an abandoned pair of cats that I really like on the side of the road, and they don’t want to take them to a shelter, I will happily foster them and go through due process to ensure they are free for me to own. If someone’s cat gives birth and the owners can’t keep all the kitties, I will be first in line. What I’m getting at is, I will get my kittens from wherever they are available to me, shelter, roadside, family, but will avoid kitty mills (again I apologize, I am not sure what the proper phrase for this is).

**Issue at hand:** I have 2 friends that are both cat people. They have told me, individually from one another, that I am an asshole for having preferences for my pets, and a double asshole for waiting for so long and not adopting a cat from a shelter/rescue already when so many are available. They claim that me having these “requirements” just shows I am not truly interested and fully committed to being a cat owner, and the fact that I “abandoned my cats for a job opportunity” shows I am selfish and never really cared about them. When I shut that down and called them out for that comment, their response was “prove it, just go into a shelter and get any cat” (???). They claim if I don’t like any of the cats in the shelters, I am a snob, and not looking to adopt a pet for the pet itself, but for myself (I don’t even know what that means, of course I am looking to adopt a pet for myself?). They also claim that only adopting pets from shelters is the right way to go, and me being willing to adopt cats from existing cat owners is despicable, should be illegal, and I am the scum of the earth for not having a problem with that.

I was conflicted beforehand because, as much as I do want to adopt a pet, I don’t just want to get ANY cats, I want to at least feel attracted to them in some way, feel some kind of connection, and I don’t know if that’s a valid reason to be holding off for so long. I also want the kitties to get along. I don’t know if me wanting a pet “for myself” is actually that cuntishly selfish - I admit I don’t want to adopt a cat simply to save the cat from “a life in a shelter” (?). I want to adopt two kitties to keep me company, to love and provide for and play with and care for. I don’t even know if 4 months is “too long” to be looking, and I should just go back and get the first bonded pair of kittens available, and I will grow to love them in time...

So, I don’t know, am I really an asshole here?

not having adopted cats from a shelter or rescue