Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: I (25F) came out to my parents (50s M/F) when I was a sophomore in college. They are extremely religious, and while I thought it was kind of obvious that I was gay, my announcement came as a huge shock to them. I'll spare you the details, but basically while they didn't threaten physical violence or kick me out of the house, the conversation did not go well and they said a lot of extremely hurtful things.

Our relationship was very tense for a while after that. I only talked to them about travel logistics or financial matters, and stopped relying on them emotionally, building up a support system among my friends instead. After I graduated and got my first "real" job, I stopped relying on them financially too.

Eventually we worked through it and we got to a place of mutual understanding and respect (or so I thouguht). I told them about my current partner when we first started dating, and while they weren't exactly thrilled, they didn't try to dissuade me and accepted it. My dad even made efforts to ask about her when it became clear that we were pretty serious.

Fast forward to a few years later, my partner and I are getting settled in our careers, and feeling stable enough that we want to start planning a wedding. I really love her and want to get engaged, but I also don't want my engagement to be the first time my extended family finds out that I'm gay. I reached out to my parents and broached the subject of telling the rest of the family about me being gay (without mentioning the pending engagement), and they said that they were sorry, but they just weren't ready to have that conversation yet.

I understand their concern. My extended family is also extremely religious and would probably not take the news well. When I first came out, my parents asked me not to tell the rest of the family -- and I agreed, mostly because I didn't really want to tell them anyway. But that was six years ago, and at this point I'm tired of censoring myself on social media and want to just live my life openly. I feel like if my parents don't feel ready by now, they'll never feel ready.

I'm considering giving my parents an ultimatum of telling our extended family by a certain timeline, or I'll do it for them -- but it feels so selfish. Honestly, I don't really care if my extended family disowns me, I rarely see them nor do I care what they think. My life wouldn't change that much if I never spoke to them again. But my parents interact with my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc every day, and this ultimatum might put them in the position of having to choose between me or them. I'm concerned that they wouldn't end up choosing me, but beyond that I know it would definitely affect their day-to-day life way more than mine -- which is why I'm not sure if forcing their hand here is an asshole move.

So, what do you think? WIBTA for coming out to my extended family even though my parents don't want me to?

coming out to my extended family even though my parents don't want me to