Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this just happened at around 1045am central time friday dec 18th.

so i have been doing kegels and jelqing to try and increase my sperm loads and girth. i'm not going to humble brag so straight to the point.

anyway, if you don't know what jelqing is, its a sort of exercise where you massage your little gentleman to help increase the girth. look up levels, i'm not gonna explain those since they aren't key to this story.

so after about 8-12 minutes of jelqing at the base, i'm obviously not soft, but not full on erection. i think the slang term is "chub."

anyway, i figure time to change it up, i'm getting tired of the rolling motion, my fingers hurt.
so i grab my little gentleman like you may grip a golf club and proceed to squeeze with my palms...

this is where you need to stop reading if you just ate or blood makes you uneasy.

so i'm standing there squeezing it with both hands, letting the warmth of the shower water. then it happens. i started alternating my squeeze from left to right and i was going sorta fast. i must have been squeezing in a way that wasn't letting blood flow out because in my left hand where my head was, i felt some pressure underneath the head where the body of the oenis connects to the head. and i immediately knew what had happened. for a moment i was religious again. i prayed to a higher power that it was all ok. that it was just a weird sensation...

then blood. a lot of blood. it looked like i was kissing blood., not the watered down kind like it was mixed with urine. deep red, thick blood. whatever boner i had was basically drained in a few seconds. i was shocked and stared until i calmy turned off the shower and grabbed my towel. looked around for something. anything. i remembered i had gauze downstairs left over from an emergency room visit a few months ago.

i wrapped up my dick as best i could, got dressed, and headed into work. here i am telling you because i'm utterly dumbfounded on what to do. i'm pretty sure it stopped bleeding. so i'm just hoping i don't have to pee to much today.

i have to work a double so this is really gonna suck.

TIFU by jelqing (NSFW) (bloody)