Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: Ok so for starters, there's a bit of information about myself/my in-laws(who this pertains to) that will perhaps help you better understand both sides, but isn't absolutely necessary to the story so feel free to skip to the ~~ break if you don't want to read it.


Alright. So I'm a "Third Culture Kid"(TCK) who was born in "Birth Country"(BC) and moved to "Adopted Country"(AC) when I was just a couple months old. I'm leaving out the details of which countries, because it's crazy easy to find me on Google. I have never lived in BC, and from a cultural standpoint am about 95% AC. I do have some cultural tidbits from AC from my parents, but they are few and far between. I was bullied horrendously as a child for being a TCK, which has left me extremely shy and not much for sharing my emotions or thoughts because it used to be what would always get me in trouble. I also have chronic depression and anxiety that has carried into my adult years and marriage.

I am married to a native of AC who loves, understands and accepts me for who I am, but his parents do not. They try to accept and love me, but they do not understand me as a person. They're very talkative and open people, who think family should share everything and anything. Even while we were dating, they would get clearly annoyed with things I would do(or not do rather), and always blame it on me being from BC... It annoyed me, because no, that's just who I am and it has nothing to do with where I was born, but I figured no harm, no foul, better they pin it on that then get angry with me personally. However their annoyance with me has never settled down and carried into the current situation, and it's getting a lot worse. So here we go.


~~


My husband and I had been living in a flat we began renting right after our marriage. At the start of this year though, our landlord raised the rent and we decided to finally move. We'd been casually looking to move for about 8 months at that point, but nothing had shown up that would suit our very particular needs. We've got two rescue dogs, one of which has health problems galore and cannot walk on stairs, and the other has sever separation anxiety and can't be left home alone. So we needed a place that would accept two dogs, was on the ground floor, and had a yard or room or something that we could cater to the needs of the other dog to be able to leave him there. (if he's in a room that has anything in it, he will destroy it into tiny, tiny pieces) Not surprisingly, this is why after 8 months we still hadn't been able to find a place.

So then we came up with an idea to move in with my husband's aunt. She's around 60 and lives alone in a private house with a huge amount of empty land that we can fence off for the dogs, and the house has a layout that's nicely suited to living with somebody. The only downside was that it's about 100 years old, and so we decided to renovate the rooms that would be ours before moving in.

Cue the problems. One thing about the culture of AC is that they are very very pro family. Very. Too much. So rather than helping us pay for say, I dunno, a company to do the renovations for us, my husband's family decided they would do the renovations. Which is all well and good, they do know what they're doing, but it means a lot of time is going into this because there's only so much two or three people who are working other jobs can do, and there's a lot that needs done in a 100yo house. I wasn't a part of anything, because I had to stay home and babysit my rescues.

We moved in before the renovations were finished. This is again because of our needy dogs, a move is going to be stressful for them and I have this week off of work so I wanted to be able to help them settle down. Especially my little bundle of anxiety who cannot bear to be without his momma(me). One room is basically finished, so we're in there for the time being, while the men continue to work on the other room. This means though, that now I am going to be around while they're working instead of at home, and boy oh boy has my FIL got a beef to pick with me. I had only been here for one day of work, on Saturday(we moved Friday evening, and on Sunday they didn't do anything), and after they finished that day my FIL told my husband that he no longer wants to do anything for me and is only continuing for his sake, not mine.

He's upset and offended that I haven't thanked them for their hard work... That they haven't finished yet. Which, ok, I know there's some people and I think in America it's much more normal to shower people with praise all the way through things, but that really isn't the cultural norm here, at all... We're well known for being grumpy and hating the world, and I by all means fit that stereotype. Plus I just don't talk a lot, period. I fully plan to offer heartfelt and sincere gratitude when they're finished, give them a gift, spend the day with them(I avoid my in-laws like the plague normally, and they don't really appreciate the fact that normally when we visit it's with at least one dog), etc. as a thank you and call it good.

I never asked them to do everything, they offered. I dunno about other people but when I offer to do something, I honestly don't care if I get thanked or not--I do it because I want to, not because I want praise or gratitude. So long as whoever is happy, I don't need them to necessarily "share" that with me. I can see it, I'm good.

There was another situation before when my MIL made a "joke" to my husband at my expense when I wasn't helping with the painting because I'm allergic to the paint, telling him he should have had me fill out an application before we got married to see if I wasn't going to cause problems like that in the future. He wasn't happy, and didn't talk to her for a couple days following that.

Honestly I just feel so frustrated with my in-laws at the moment, they've always made me feel inadequate as a DIL because I was a TCK, they've never understood(or made an effort to) my mental health, in theory they know that I'm a reserved person who doesn't share my feelings on my sleeve and don't talk a lot. However they are open books with their feelings though, and like I said very pro family, and they don't seem to get that this is how I am with my own parents as well. Not just them. I'm no longer certain though if the problem lies in them not understanding me, or me actually just being an asshole?

I was trying really hard to condense this and not make it too long, feel free to ask clarifying questions because I did leave out some things. x.x


(I would ask that you please be mindful of the fact that this isn't America, and the culture here IS very different. Not using that to justify myself, if indeed I am an asshole, but to clarify that what is generally accepted in the USA doesn't always apply here)



TL;DR My in-laws offered to do renovations for us, I don't thank them part-way, and they no longer want to help me.

not showering them with praise and gratitude