Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input:   I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend for 4 ½ years and we live together. He was previously married for about 6 years, and has been divorced for 11. His ex-wife does not live close by (she is about 700 miles away) and they do not have children. Their marriage ended on relatively amicable terms (they were not compatible and miserable together), so there does not appear to be any kind of lingering hostility. 

The ex-wife will periodically initiate contact either through text messages or phone calls, depending on what the circumstance is. It is typically that she needs to vent, is experiencing emotional turmoil or needs his help or advice on something (this can range from something minor like what kind of toaster to buy to what kind of car to buy). Usually the calls or texts will occur when I am not around, but I hear about them so I appreciate the disclosures. Every once in a while she will call or text when I am present and let’s just say he will take the call from another room, etc… The preference is to deal with her as quickly as possible so whatever need there was for the interaction is taken care of. 

The frustration I have is after 4½ years he still will not tell her he is in a long-term relationship.  After 11 years, walking on egg shells with how this woman will react to anything is still very present and obvious.  Often times I let it roll off my back, but there are periods of time where I ask “what is the fear here?” and why the ongoing need to hide this part of his life from her? Everyone around us knows we are in a relationship, and albeit a rather happy one at that. 

To some degree, I get that what is going on his life isn’t really her business. They don’t have kids together, they don’t see one another… but honestly, there are times where I want to scream that he needs to f------g deal with it and take care of telling her. The longer he waits, the ease of telling her diminishes…. and frankly 4 ½ years? Is it going to be 6? 7? 10? 

AITA for expecting him to just bite the bullet and tell her? Honestly, he’s moved on in his life, but she is a constant presence.  I know I would be the huge asshole if I found her contact information and took care of telling her myself.

expecting my boyfriend to tell his ex-wife that he is in a long-term relationship