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Input: The new  Mario  game has some serious film noir vibes. Fans on Twitter have been picking up on the crooked stink of New Donk City since the game came out  but the idea seems to have solidified with the brilliant help of the Storied podcast. The podcast goes on a journey with co-hosts Sean Ainsworth  Harrison Pink  and Chris Rebbert as they transform famous films  TV shows  and games into other mediums.
Presumably inspired by the recent rumors that an official Super Mario Bros. movie is in the works  the hosts pondered the best method for bringing  Mario 's pixels onto the silver screen. Sure  the happy-go-lucky world of Nintendo might not scream "gritty monochromatic detective drama." But you're clearly just not paying attention (or exploring Photo Mode in Super Mario Odyssey.)
Their proposed script begins with a panning shot over pictures of a smiling Luigi  as  Mario  grieves over the death of his brother and the better half of their Super Mario Bros. P. I. firm. His voiceover is all tough talk  while maintaining the trademark cartoonish Italian stereotype we've come to love.
What proceeds is your usual  Mario  game plot  with a damsel in distress who needs the help of a hero to escape a mafia-style boss with tons of goons stalking about town. Bowser  a local land baron in the tradition of Chinatown  is up to his no-good tricks and is trying to marry her and take all her inheritance money.
If anyone is wondering  I've got this frame of Mario Odyssey paused  and am currently narrating "Mario  P.I." as a film noir series while I have jazz music playing in the background.
In honor of his dead brother   Mario  goes on a wild-goose chase to rescue  his  dame.
Some key scenes include: 1)  Mario  meeting up with Bowser at a country club  with Bowser intimidating the detective by totally owning his opponent in Wii Tennis while  Mario  tries to question him  2) A second femme fatale  in the form of Birdo  who cannot speak English but gives  Mario  an egg with a key piece of evidence before she's murdered  3) One (if not several) car chase scenes  in which the cars are replaced with  Mario  go-karts and the tommy guns replaced with Blue Shells.
But  like any good noir film  the journey ends in deception. As  Mario  gets deeper into the investigation  eventually managing to kill Bowser  he learns a sickening truth. The Koopa King and Drug Lord Bowser was actually just small pennies compared to the real boss in charge: Princess Peach  who runs the drug operation at the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom. She needed a fall guy.  Mario  was her guy. Bowser took the fall.
The story closes on  Mario  as  he  lays dying  and Luigi emerges from the shadows to give the princess a kiss.

Popular theory: 'Super Mario Odyssey' is noir as hell