Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: all week long i've been thinking to myself "huh, self, these nails of ours are getting scary long, how's about we trim or at least file them?" to which my lazy self has been responding "yeah, i'll get right on that."

ffw to about an hour ago. i'm watching some shit ... was it south park? or the second presidential debate? ... anyway, i'm watching with a friend and pause zee show to run to the restroom real quick like. i grew up on regular old tv and have this lingering habit of making bathroom breaks as quick as possible so as to not take longer than the standard commercial break. this is to explain why i was rushing for no freaking reason at all.
so i close the door, unzip and lower my pants and experience a sudden, extreme and inexplicable pain. at first i thought i had bent my thumb nail backwards and that was all. but when i look at my thumb there is this odd pink substance beneath the nail. this is also when i notice that the pain is coming from my butt cheek much more strongly than my thumb. i turn around to find a six inch long scrape along my butt and upper thigh already beginning to drip bright crimson. at this point i realize that the stuff under my nail is my own flesh (blech!) and that i have basically skinned myself.
aaaand now i can't sit comfortably.
the end.

 

edit: to add zee obligatory tl;dr

TIFU by not trimming my nails