Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: i'm a nice guy. i don't like to hurt people's feelings and typically avoid arguments. at the moment that's biting me directly in the ass. 

right now i'm sitting in my kitchen. so far tonight i've cooked a week's worth of meals, cleaned every square inch of the room, jerked off, cleaned that up, organized the cabinets, eaten a whole pizza and finished half a bottle of whiskey. the alcohol is what got me to write this. 

a buddy of mine is in my living room on the phone having an argument with his estranged wife. for some reason when she called he put her on speaker phone. i'm assuming this was to make me uncomfortable as there cannot possibly have been another reason. 

this all started four hours ago when he asked if i was going out and if yes that i'd pick him up. he said he was having a rough night and that he needed "guy time." now, as i'm sure many people know, usually "guy time" means having beers and not actually talking about what's wrong... not tonight. 

towards the middle of beers and ignoring life's problems at a bar he asks if we can leave. i'm like, "sure no problem." he's bummed out so i ask if he wanted me to drop him off at his place or if he wanted to hang out at my apartment.  he agrees to the latter and we go over to my place. on the way to my place she calls him. he answers, proceeds to turn my stereo down, and put her on speaker. i was about to say "what are you doing, please don't" but when the call goes through she is balling her eyes out on the other end. i kept driving to my place thinking it'd be a short "fuck you" and a "well fuck you too" but i was incorrect. it continued when we got inside. 

so far i've gotten the gist of what's wrong with their relationship. basically, they both hate each other but both hate that they both hate each other. make sense? yeah it doesn't to me either. 

back and forth and back and forth they are tearing each other apart. he keeps yelling at her and she cries. then she starts yelling at him and he cries. i cannot help but to think that they are literally having the most inefficient argument i've ever heard. i'd say something but then she'd hear me and then the fight over how long i've been eavesdropping would ensue. i am not now nor do i want to be that emotionally invested in this fight. i'm just really thankful they do not have any kids. i also have no idea why this relationship is worth salvaging if there are no kids. they are wearing each other out with emotions. 

so now my awkward and anti-confrontational ass is stuck in my immaculately clean, completely food prepped, cum christened kitchen... waiting. just waiting for her to get off the phone so i can ream him about attempting to drag me into their fight by leaving her on speaker phone and then drive him home. 

it has been four hours. 

 

update: i think this was the conversation that sealed the deal! i believe they're getting divorced!

TIFU: By Not Being Confrontational