Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: This is more of are we the assholes as my wife and I are on the same page here. We have a 3 month old who is the only grand child on my side of the family, and the only one in the state on hers, so we have a lot of family looking to come and visit frequently.  Our families live 1-2 hours away so it’s usually more like day visits instead of quick visits.  

Obviously, with me working full time and my wife staying home with a baby who needs almost constant care (along with a 9 month old puppy) and also working a part time remote job, certain house keeping items can fall through the cracks and we get behind.  I will point out that we do keep a clean house, I come home from work most nights and tackle either dishes or laundry, and we pick up the clutter and vacuum pretty regularly.

Our mindset is that if family members come to visit for the day on a weekend, we expect them to do more than just hold the baby, but actually help out by maybe doing the dishes, switching laundry to the dryer, taking the dog for a walk, etc just so we can lean on their support for a small break from all the stuff that piles up.  Some family members are super giving with their time/efforts and are happy to help, but my wife’s mom and step dad basically expect to come and hold the baby without doing anything else.  We have to specifically ask them to do things if we want them to help, and if they do it it’s usually with a pretty snarky/put off attitude.

This was capped off last night when they came to babysit while we went to my company’s Christmas party, and as we were all dressed up and heading out the door, my MIL called out to my wife for help because our son had a poopy diaper and she made us change it before leaving. It’s a small thing but it made my wife confront them about not being helpful when they come to visit, and her mom responded that “that’s not what grandmas are for” and that if we need help we should just hire people for it (they are pretty well off, but we don’t have money for a nanny or anything.)

So we really want to know, are our expectations too high for support from family when they come visit, or is it fair to expect some pitching in when they’re here for several hours/a whole day? 

expecting family who comes to visit our 3 month old to help us around the house as well