Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: as the norm seems to be, this did not happen today but happened on nye.

we went out to a club at around 10 o'clock and being the pre-pubescent baby faced teenager that i am, i got bounced from the club. however, i had my id back at the house i was staying at (drunkenly forgot it there) and raced off to find a taxi to take me there and back. unfortunately, it seemed as if every taxi was going in the complete opposite direction or had people in it already. i see one glorious saviour of a taxi heading in the right direction so, naturally, i act like a metal fan in a mosh pit and push and elbow my way through the crush of people milling around the taxi's. although i did not lack motivation, energy, and a certain ruthless desire to get to this taxi, i did lack the basic motor controls that the sober mind is in ample possession of. i followed in the tradition of all my drunken forbears and tripped and fell and bashed my knee pretty hard on the sidewalk. not wanting to be any more embarrassed than i already was, i ignored the pain (duly dulled by drunkenness) and found my taxi, got my id, and then got into the club.

i saw the new year in with a flourish, having a cracking time and seeing the sunrise on the beach. all in all, best night ever 10/10. or so i thought. 

i slept throughout the day, hanging like a little bitch and feeling as tender as the most delicate rose petal. but feeling more like a delicate flower than usual, i decide that something is unarguably wrong. i glance down at my knee and notice that, in my hungover state, satan had injected his fiery seed into my leg. i shit you not, this was the most disgusting puss filled 'roastie' (not sure what other people call a graze in their country). actually, this was not a pathetic, measly 'graze': no, this was a motherfucking gash! that shit was deep down in my knee, angry and red, and oozing. in hindsight i must have landed on a piece of lego because i am unaware of any other man made substance that could have inflicted this damage. and judging by the state of infection, this was not just any of the pedestrian lego you see scattered around clubs: this thing must have been dirtier than that lying whore jenny.

as the earth made its inexorable transition from night to day, i stumbled through the unfamiliar house trying to find my hosts, still slightly drunk and feverish. my friend's brother was there and he is a qualified surgeon. he took one glance at the doorway to hell that had opened in my knee and said i had two choices: either i go to hospital or he cleans this thing out.
obviously i chose the latter, and half expected him to bring out holy water, a bible, and a copy of the exorcism of emily rose (to set the mood of course) for the inevitable vanquishing of the demon in my knee.

he whips out a big box of surgical supplies (this guy had vials of steroids, morphine, scalpels, other complicated sounding medicines, literally could have harvested my kidneys if he wanted to). if willy wonka had been a doctor, this box would have been his chocolate factory. but instead of delicious chocolate or the hope of a better life, he pulls out the single biggest needle i have ever seen. i could see through that shit. holy fuck, i could have watered that garden with that mean-ass motherfucker! he then proceeded to locally anaethetise/anaethesise/anasise?????/whatever the verb form of anesthetic is/ and then used a scalpel to scrape out the decaying flesh.

 


ps: arsenal lost on the day as well, so i had to suffer through typically bad gooner defense with some guy scraping out my leg.

TIFU by being drunk and needing surgery