Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: Throwaway account as partner also has reddit, etc. 

Bit of backstory:

I've had anger issues for a long time. In the past 4 years I started making progress to deal with them (Note: I'm in my late 20s) and have come a long way. I'm in no way perfect and I know I make a lot of mistakes.

I've been married to my Partner(P) for roughly 9 years. The first few years of our relationship were not good ones and I can't imagine why they stayed. But they stuck by me through the terrible parts and I love them SO much for that. This is one of the main reasons why I've been working so hard on myself, along with self improvement, etc. I want to show them they're worth every bit of time and effort.

Things have certainly been much better than they were and P is also a great part of why because they've been working on themself and we're learning to work well with each other. (I don't know if P agrees things have been much better, but I digress.)

So, here's the situation:

Because of the way I grew up I have a hard time telling the tone of someone's voice. I often hear something being said to me as sarcastically or angrily even when it's not and I can't easily tell the differences between sad and angry. The worst part is that this is also for my *own* tone. When I'm overly emotional I can't tell what I sound like. This can make P feel like my words are being said with sarcasm, or malice, when they aren't. In the past I would at times use sarcasm and malice during arguments too, so that probably makes it even harder to tell.

The problem I'm having is that I've become so much more skilled at calming down and talking rationally, but my still-apparently-angry tone makes that hard for P to believe. When I'll apologize to them for hurting them, they'll tell me I don't sound sincere no matter how sincere I meant it. When I admit my wrongs, my angry tone leads them to believe I'm blaming them for the argument, even when I'm not. 

I do my best to try to understand where P is coming from. I'm not trying to invalidate their side of things or make this a them vs me issue. We've had a *lot* of conversations on this topic over the years and I know it's not fair to expect them to be able to see past my tone. I'm not trying to say they're the asshole in this situation, so please don't pin them as one.

It's just very frustrating to me that I can be pushing myself far beyond my comfort zone to apologize or admit I'm wrong only to be told I'm not sounding sincere. I've asked P before to not instantly question that sincerity because of my tone as it really hurts me, but I'm usually reminded that they have a right to ask. I generally agree with them on that kind of thing so I've been letting it go.

Last night we got into an argument.  When I was calm I apologized to P only to be told I didn't seem very sincere, so I became frustrated with myself. We kept talking, but at some point my tone must have changed. I made sure to tell them their feelings were valid, before I tried to explain my point of view and what they had done to hurt me. 

Due to my tone P assumed that I was blaming them and when I tried to explain that I wasn't, they didn't believe me. I told them it wasn't fair to assume what I meant, especially because we'd talked about my struggles with coming across properly in the past. P informed me that they weren't 'assuming', they were basing their opinion on my tone. I started getting even more frustrated and I knew I was reaching a bad point, so I cut off communication again. 

This happened two more times before we went to bed. Both times, when P would question my sincerity, I would become hurt and frustrated. Both times, when I asked P to stop questioning me because of my tone as I've explained I know I'm not coming across well, and the repeated disbelief is *really* hurting me, they told me they had a right to. 

I want to note: I agree with them. They DO have a right to question if I'm being sincere and they ARE allowed to ask me. 

I'm wondering... AITA for expecting them to stop when asked?

not wanting to immediately be labeled as an asshole