Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: today i fucked up. of course, this was technically wednesday/thursday but lets not worry about that. 

backstory: i'm an extremely tiny female. i go to university three days a week. 
i don't live on campus and have to drive an ungodly distance to get there. it usually takes about two hours one way. i also take really late classes so most days i'm not home until 10:30 or so. when i get home people are usually going to sleep shortly after, which doesn't bug me but is important for the story. 


being in a competitive program, i don't have much of a life right now. add to that the fact that i haven't spent a valentine's day alone in five years and we can see why i was a bit socially nervous wednesday after my classes. so i decided that i needed a bit of me time. i broke out my hookah, a cute little one hose that i use every once in a while instead of paying to go to a hookah bar. now, i'm already not used to nicotine, i don't smoke, and the shish i put in my hookah has a ridiculous amount in it, but it's usually okay. now, today i hadn't eaten. i was late for class, no time for breakfast, and class until 8:30. i also didn't drink anything that day, which contributed to the fu. anyway, i get my hookah out and realize that one of the rubber pieces is missing. for those that aren't sure how these things work, the rubber pieces are essential to making it work otherwise the smoke is weak and things just don't go smoothly. i decide that i can fudge it with a wet paper towel and call it a day. after doing this, i realize that if i take a break between inhales (which you should definitely do) the smoke is weak and i need to work extra hard to get it back where it needs to be.

 my solution? 

put on some ed sheeran and don't take any breaks. 

after three hours of continuous smoking, which means just about every breath i take is actually smoke. i decide i'm feeling a bit lightheaded. i had just put a new coal on so i wanted to finish it, waste not want not and whatever, so i continued for a few minutes. 

this is where i realized that something was wrong. 

i *really* wasn't feeling well. 

i had some wits about me and knew that i needed to take care of the hot coals first. 

i take the glass plate my hookah was on with the hot coals on it inside, making my way to the kitchen. i begin feeling really lightheaded ad manage to set the plate on the counter before i collapse. this part is a bit fuzzy, but i remember blacking out, being on the floor, and convulsing. 


at this point i wake up and remember there is still fire to worry about. i stand, extremely shaky, my muscles spasming like i have parkinson's and manage to make it the foot and a half to the sink, shaking and sweating profusely the whole way. i manage to turn on the water and get a bit of it on the plate before i collapse again. 


this time i wake up to complete chaos. i'm lying on top of a broken plate with coal dust. everywhere. like my kitchen floor is an accurate model of the black lung. and there is blood all over my left hand. i'm a nursing student, so i know how to remain calm in weird situations. my main priority is figuring out where the blood is coming from. i notice that my legs hurt but they're covered in black coal dust and don't appear to be bleeding, so i write that off as a minor bruising-from-the-fall situation. i spend what felt like ten minutes searching for the source of the blood before realizing that this might be something serious (i'm really not someone that makes a big deal out of myself regarding medical business. i'm more of an "assume i'm fine until something kills me" type.) so i decide to text my best friend, just so there's some record of my behavior for later. he's usually awake pretty late (it's about 2:30 at this point) and everyone in my house is asleep.

 again, i text him for what feels like ten minutes, which he later informs me was about 45, mostly a bunch of misspelled crap about finding the blood (which he assumed was coming from my vagina and i discovered was actually coming from my hand) and wanting to clean this mess up. at this point there's no way i can stand. i keep trying and it ends in me collapsing again, so i give up and settle for just laying on the kitchen floor. another hour or so goes by, best friend is asleep and i've managed to crawl around the floor and collect the pieces of broken glass (which have scattered everywhere) and i decide i'm probably okay to stand. i do so long enough to make it to my hookah, move it five feet, then collapse again and begin vomiting all over the floor. 


the same floor i just spent the last hour painfully trying to clean. 
now, at this point i'm starting to worry. this was the last symptom of nicotine poisoning that, up until that point, i hadn't experienced. so i decided i'd text my mom and see if she was awake. no reply. so i returned to my earlier method of crawling on the floor to clean this all up. after cleaning up what i can only describe as smoky dog food, i drag myself to the couch. it's about 6:00 and i'm exhausted beyond belief.

 the only problem? nicotine poisoning comes in two phases:

excitory: everything i had been experiencing. accelerated heart rate, blackouts, sweating, convulsing, etc. 

depression: the phase where your heart and breathing slow to a dangerous point, until they eventually stop and you die. 


now, i was at the point where i was almost too exhausted to care, but i figured i'd better not sleep and further slow my heart and lungs. so i didn't.  


i stayed awake until 7:30 trying not to move for fear of collapsing and/ or vomiting again. 

this is where i take the time to figure out why my legs were still hurting. true, my right leg just had a huge bruise from one of the many falls, however my left had a second degree burn. when i fell on the broken plate, my leg had fallen on top of the still hot coal. i made sure to clean it out, it didn't look too serious. 

eventually took a shower, and succumbed to exhaustion. 

over the next day, the two small blisters on the burn grew into a super blister. 

this blister was comically large. large enough to grow it's own blister. and this blister popped. and not just a slow seeping if liquid, no. there was a geyser of pus shooting from my leg. the burn gods frowned upon me and rained burn liquid from the skies. this added disgust to my shame and exhaustion. 


tifu: tried to make a shitty day better, ended up with nicotine poisoning. now i have a giant hole in my leg from the burn and live with the fact that i thought i was going to die from being stupid.

Tifu by trying to improve a shit day