Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: i originally posted this around 2 am, but it was removed becasue i didnt realise that today was friday instead of saturday.

this happened last night at about 11 pm.

i am a 19 year old male that is living with his very religious parents until i graduate college. like most teenage males, i like a bit of a wank here and there, so after the parents went to bed, i got on reddit to look for some porn. now, when i find a video that i really like, i will generally wank to it about as many times as i can before going to bed. the main problem here is that my parents essentially kicked my oldest brother out of the house after they caught him masturbating, and have had several talks to me about how it is "ungodly" and how masturbation is equal to murder in god's eyes.

here is where the fuck up starts. after my college classes wrapped up (a bit after 4 pm), i went home and ate dinner, then my parents and i went to help a neighboring church do some remodeling. we did small things like paint walls, move furniture, and redo the flooring. now, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but my hands are smooth and in no way calloused whatsoever, so i developed some blisters and cuts after a few hours of work. fast-forward to about 10 pm and i'm on reddit searching for porn, i find a video i really like, and i'm off to the bathroom. all is going well until my 3rd wank where i notice that something feels slick in my hand, i look down and there is a small amount of blood running down my hand. i kind of just say "fuck it", wash my hands, and continue going at it. i'll try to spare some details, but as i'm approaching completion, i start getting a pounding headache, and i start to feel somewhat faint. all of the sudden i'm on the floor feeling satisfied, but confused. i pick myself off of the floor and assess the situation in my post-wank stupor. there are now very small amounts of blood and cum on the toilet and floor. almost every blister had popped, and almost every cut had opened. i say to myself, "it's alright, i'll just keep the door locked, i'll clean myself up in the shower, then i'll clean the bathroom up." i wash my hands, turn my bluetooth speaker on, connect my phone, get in the shower, and start jamming out to music.

about a minute later, i hear a knock on the bathroom door and hear my mom asking why my music is so loud. i kind of froze, but explain that i'll turn it down as soon as possible. i step out of the still running shower just in time to watch the door handle turn and the door open. there i am standing naked, scrambling for a towel, watching my mom scan the room top to bottom noticing all the bodily fluid soaking the bathroom. my mom apologized and quickly left saying, "we will talk tomorrow!" as i look around, mortified, i notice all the semen and blood covering the bathroom from the sink to the toilet. now, i am usually smart enough to 1) clean up after myself and 2) keep the door locked, but for some reason, i neglected to do either of those things and now i'm sure i will be doing some explaining at 3 pm tomorrow.

 

update: so, my parents got home and we had an hour long discussion. my parents want me to talk to the pastor of our church about what happened. they said that if i do that and write out a scripture or two about masturbation and sex before marriage, they will allow me to stay at home essentially.

TIFU by listening to loud music NSFW