Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: I am a male employee at a fairly well known technology company in Silicon Valley and we have a policy about dating that goes something like this: if you are interested in dating a coworker you can request once and only once if they’d like to hang out after work or on a weekend. If they decline for any reason, even if they say they’re busy, then you must accept it as a lack of interest on their part. Obviously if they say they’re busy but offer a date and time that works better for them then it can be considered an acceptance but if they say no or that they’re busy (full stop), then you are not allowed to pursue it further.

There is a fairly attractive woman that worked in a department located near mine and we met in the break room a few weeks ago. She is cute however I have a strong policy of not dating coworkers. Full stop. (I have had horror stories happen to me and friends with office relationships and drama).

She sent me an email about a week and a half ago asking if I’d like to grab drinks after work. I said I was flattered by the offer but that I’m busy.

She responded with “oh okay is there a better time for you”? (Which is against company policy to even ask). I cut her some slack and said “not really to be honest but I appreciate the invite!”

I thought that would be the end of the situation, but on Saturday morning at 2:45am I got a text message that said “are you sure you don’t wanna grab drinks with me? 😉 “

I responded in the morning when I actually read it and I said that thanks but I’m good Ann’s have a great weekend. She responded with a “oh ok sorry to bother you”.

I thought that would be the end of it, but then on Sunday at 1:30am I got another text saying “hey just so I know... what did I do wrong? Was it something I said? I’m so sorry but like, I feel like I should know why it was?”

I ignored the text message and on this Monday first thing I did was walk straight into my bosses office. Her attitude was “sounds like she likes you man! She’s hot why don’t you go for it”.

I told him that (a) I’m not interested and (b) I don’t date coworkers due to my personal experience.

She advised that reporting it to HR would cause drama that the neighboring department really cannot afford because it’s a busy season for them and that she’s a really nice girl anyway. Also I should reconsider maybe dating her and if not then I should at least be flattered and not pissed.

This caused me to wonder why my boss would have taken HER side and not her own employees (she is not the girls boss). So I looked at the members of one of the extracurricular social groups for Latin women, and I think they know each other through that group.

She’s trying to protect her friend. Last night I got a text from my boss that said “please don’t get her in trouble she’s a really nice girl and if you’re not interested then just please tell her”. But I already have told her why? And I don’t feel like I need a reason to reject a date or a person anyways - they’re not owed that. No is a full sentence, right?

I milled it over last night and I decided to report it to Hr this morning. I have had no contact with my boss since, in fact she has deliberately avoided me and said nothing to me all day.

The rest of my coworkers have all suspiciously ignored me as well, one even cancelled a subteam meeting that day that I would have gone to.

I have a feeling like there will now be intense social backlash over my decision to report her. And now I’m regretting it and wondering if I may be opening up myself to further issues and possibly bullying and harassment by the guys and girls I work with.

Now I’m starting to really really dwell on this and wondering if I did the right thing.

Am I the asshole?

reporting a coworker to hr after she wouldn't take no for an answer for a date with me