Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: so it was the day after canada day, i had just spent three days moving in the hottest weather ever, was super hung over, and decided i reeeally needed some gatorade. after acquiring my drink of choice down the road i think now is a great time to set up my internet, so i phone and they put me on hold. i put them on speakerphone and proceed to try and open my gatorade, which i am really struggling with. so since everything else is packed i grab my swiss army knife and begin trying to cut the plastic off the top with the knife facing towards me. since common sense is apparently a thing that i lack i am staring at my phone on the counter to ensure i don't miss my call, when the knife slips, goes all the way into my other hand and since i don't understand what has happened i pull the knife out, and all that i can really comprehend is everything (myself, the floor, counter, and i will later realize, even the ceiling) is covered in blood. 


at this point i am staring at blood spraying out of my hand with complete tunnel vision (i have never been so focused on anything in my life) and am 100% sure i am going to die. i am pretty upset about it, mostly the feeling i feel is just this huge regret about dying so young, and a part of me is mostly just embarrassed about how stupid i am going to look when they find my body. at this point fortunately my survival instincts kick in and i thankfully have a roll of paper towel on the counter which i use to put pressure on the wound. 


now this part is pretty important to the story, i am not the kind of person to cause a scene, make people worried, or overreact to anything. so i'm still pretty sure i'm going to die but instead of calling 9-1-1 i decide to call my dad. only, and i won't blame you if you've forgotten cause i sure had, i'm still on hold. so i'm suddenly trapped in a real life nightmare where all i want to do is use my phone for an emergency but it is just not working. anyway i eventually succeed in calling my dad and when he answers i am just calm as can be. i go "hey dad can you tell me where the closest hospital is?" he doesn't really think about it and goes sure just give me a minute, so time goes by and i am panicking and go "i don't think you understand how important this is". and i can sort of hear his brain click and go, why is my daughter who has been living on her own for one day asking where the hospital is? and so he asks what's wrong and i go (my poor dad) "everything is covered in blood." 


he tells me to hang up and call 9-1-1 and, still feeling like i'm overreacting, i do and proceed to convince the operator that i have a tiny scratch because i'm so calm, and i think she thinks i'm overreacting. i ask her if she can tell the ambulance not to put on the siren cause "it's embarrassing" (she can't) and that i'm going to wait for them outside. 


so being super intelligent and not wanting anyone to see me covered in blood i undertake a james bond-esque mission to get out of the building unseen, and hide in the bushes out front to wait. i watch as the ambulance slowly drives up (no sirens!!) and i can see the paramedics just calmly drinking their timmie's. i step out of the bushes and i see their calm expressions switch into go mode as i'm just covered in blood, and one paramedic comes running out to bandage me up. i ask him, cause i really need validation about this point about all the fuss i've caused, if i am in fact having an emergency and he goes yes you were but now you will be fine. 


anyway ended up getting my artery stitched up (of course if i'm going to cut myself it would be my artery, but they said i was lucky i didn't hit any of my bones as well) and went on my way. i did also fuck up by texting all my friends pictures from the ambulance, and then not responding for several hours as i was quite busy, suffice to say i had a lot of missed calls and irate friends after that. (am about to see if i can find the pictures to attach).
also sorry about the wall of text, i don't have a laptop at the moment due to an incident involving a delicious cup of tea, which is really another tifu itself.

TIFU by wanting to drink some gatorade and putting myself in the hospital instead