Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: so... i've had nothing to eat but fast food for the last 3 days... and i hadn't shit in a while. at least 2 days. my farts could peel paint. america could slap a biohazard sticker on me and stick me in their nuclear arsenal is what i'm getting at. just the most rancid smells oozing from my body imaginable. more atrocious than columbine, virginia tech and sandy hook combined... ya feel me?  
  
so, there's this hot chick friend of mine. she wasn't quite a 10 but damn close. she needed some help moving and we've been friends for a long time. 10 years kinda deal. so i help her out. now... remember when i said i hadn't shit in a couple days?  well... scumbag brain waits until i'm in her house and lifting a couch to decide to start inching towards the finish line. right about now i'm balls deep in a staircase with a chick i've known for years, a couch and about 30 degrees(celsius) of musky air and my face just goes as white as a ghost. she looks down at me and asks what's wrong as a small dose of mustard gas is being rocketed out of my quivering anus. i shout "let's go let's go" and start shoving the couch up which causes her to lose balance and she drops it. i basically run her over with the thing rather than facing the embarrassment of allowing her to smell that poison. we get the couch out to the truck and i apologize for rushing and blame it on a leg cramp.   
  
now... i'm way to shy to try unload this kind of package at a friends house let alone a girls house. this is world war 3 style chemical warfare we're talking about. zyklon.b looks like laughing gas compared to what i'm packing. i mean.... clogging the toilet with it's circumference while the molten core violently explodes leaving a fecal volcano in it's wake. so there's no stores or restaurants near by and i don't have a good enough reason to leave so while i have a torpedo prairie dogging my cinnamon ring i man the fuck up and keep on working.  
  
about 15 minutes later after the successful bombing of a couple rose bushes with my sour clouds i return to the next item at hand. feeling considerably better after partially deflating the bowels of hell, we grab the dresser. whilst navigating this behemoth of an oak piece of furniture i realized i would have to take the bottom again as it was extremely heavy and it was just the two of us. assuming the position i bend down and lift with all i've got, she makes it about 5 stairs before losing her grip letting go. almost as if in slow motion i feel the dresser pushing me backwards as i lose my balance and fall... as i hit the stairs and wall i feel a tiny warning nugget erupt from mission control, as if to warn all surrounding areas of the impending doom... then i feel it... too focused on trying to land safely i forgot about the oak dresser as it barrels downwards and the edge slams into my guts... what came next is like something out of a horror show...  
  
i mean... there was more shit spattered on the stairs and walls then if someone got shot... i'm almost certain the velocity in which my anal cavity was exhumed broke the sound barrier... diarrhea was everywhere and the more i moved the more came out in a solid stream of just fat ass flaps clapping as the clenching of my butt cheeks was not strong enough to withstand the pressure build up inside my body. it was like an anus orchestra playing my final tune as i'd surely die of embarrassment... note that the entire time this was processing she had begun to projectile vomit from what i can only imagine was the stench of the gas used in nazi concentration camps and the sight of a 350 lb bag of shit that just exploded in her basement. i hosed myself off and left. 

 

note to reader, when i fell backwards the shitty basement stairs ripped an opening in the ass of my pants allowing a clear and un-obstructed path for my biological warfare. 

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TIFU by helping a friend move.