Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: Asking because in my book, using ultimatums **is** an asshole move. I never thought I'd end up here and it sucks.

But as the title says, I gave my spouse that ultimatum because they are unwilling to work on their issues and have made me responsible for helping them out with unfucking their life. That's too huge of a burden, I am not a therapist, despite them treating me as their live-in therapist because I do not work due to disability, and according to them "I also have issues", which is true! Issues for which I have gone to therapy, read books, and improved in other ways even my friends have noticed. My spouse has also noticed I have become a better person, strangely enough.

My spouse has tackled the easiest problems so far, with my help. But they refuse to face the fact that I am not a therapist, and I cannot help them overcome the more serious stuff. The more serious stuff has been causing damage between us for years now.

How would I even begin to know how to help them with this, I have trouble helping myself sometimes.

My spouse has not been able to help with my issues since they are due to chemical imbalances. I am recovering from depression and complex PTSD due to childhood trauma. It's been either me alone, or therapy helping.

My spouse also has a history of familial trauma, yet they insist they don't need therapy, they just need me to help them and for me to "be patient".

It's been 6 years and we keep having the same fights over and over, over the same things, because they won't get help. I'm at my wits end. I know I do not have it in me to be patient forever.

Am I the asshole here?

expressing an ultimatum: go to therapy, or this relationship is over