Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: obligatory 'this didn't happen today', thanks in part to sub rules on nsfw content. instead, this happened on monday, the 19th.

i was hanging out with my boyfriend (hereby called chase) after he got off work. doing the usual stuff at first- he was all over the internet, i was on reddit reading off bad jokes. at some point i manage to convince chase to crawl beside me into bed for cuddles. i turn around and be his little spoon while we talk. eventually, though, a hand crept up to my chest area. i directed it to a certain lower area and he started rubbing my clit while we kiss. chase pulls his hand out after a bit. i'm on the tail end of my period at this point, so his fingers are a bit bloody, and he excuses himself to the bathroom to rinse his hands. 

and that was when the burning started. in the same area he just finished touching. i didn't think much of it until it began to feel like a (bush) fire and i'm curled into the fetal position. i didn't know what could be caused it- we're both std free, i haven't shaved recently. but then it hits me; when chase comes back, i ask him something:

v: "...hey, what did you have for lunch?"

c: "ordered out and got some wings."

v: "why didn't you say something!? it burns!!"

i got so upset. not at the fact he ordered wings (health issues and whatnot), but at his choice of sauce. chase likes the hottest stuff they offer, and it's now spicing my clam; all i could do is lay there and grumble until it finally went away a half-hour later.

 

edit: well, this thread blew up overnight- i should've suspected when i got out of work to 200+ upvotes. thanks for all the laughter, tips (in case it happens again), and just generally making my first /r/tifu submission fun!

i would like to say a couple things, addressing some repeat/particular comments: 

* everyone that has brought similar pain to their sensitive areas (genitals or otherwise) has my empathy. i've gotten chili burn a couple different times in my short-ish life, and it hurts so bad, regardless of where and how it got on.

* chase most likely did use napkins to get his hands. i also suspect he washed his hands somewhere, since they weren't visibly stained or gross-looking.

* never heard of 'the league.' this sounding like an episode of the show is a coincidence. 

* i don't know why he likes pizza hut, but i ain't complaining much.

* you guys with the cocktail comments. just..  damn. xd

* and all you punny types can show yourselves out when you're ready.

thanks again, guys. ^^

TIFU by letting my boyfriend rub me off