Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: i want to preface this by saying every word of this is true.  names and places have been changed to protect my anonymity and that of my family.  generally, anything in all caps has been changed, and nothing else.
i ordered a genealogyone (g1) dna test on september 1, 2015.  i had been working some overtime and when i did, i always took a portion of it to buy something a little indulgent, and this time, it was my g1 dna kit.  i got the results on tuesday oct 6.  the first thing i noticed was that my ethnicity was more english than i expected.  the contemporary knowledge of my background was irish and scottish.  while it was interesting that i would show up english, it was very easily explained as being intermixed with the irish-scottish.

what were more surprising were the g1 dna matches.  the first hit said, first cousin, confidence extremely high.  i am not an g1 subscriber, the plan was to get the dna match, see what came of it, and then possibly jump in for a 3 or 6 month stint when work slows down.  so for non-subscribers, you get a username and a picture, if the other person has shared one.  the picture was not anyone i recognize, the username was sskylars.  a first cousin implies my mother or father has a sibling out there.  so it was a very surprising result.  i sent sskylars a message via g1, with my grandparents’ surnames and asking if they connected with anyone in her known tree.  i continued to browse my matches, but i didn’t find anything particularly interesting.  you can view your matches, and your matches that you have in common with one of your matches, i.e. people on sskylars’s dna match list who also match my dna.  sskylars kept coming up as a common match, over and over.  the data visible to a non-subscriber is limited; i don’t see their family trees, so i didn’t think my money was wasted, just that it really required a subscription to fully explore.  that was planned for later.

but i kept coming back to sskylars.  she was listed as a common match for almost every one of my dna matches.  i took to google.  in short order, i found a pinterest account identifying sskylars as shmi skywalker lars.  i dug deeper into the googles.  i came across a facebook account that matches the full name, and includes pictures.  one of the pictures was the same photo used for g1 – jackpot.  i browse what’s publicly available on facebook, again, not that much, and send her a facebook message.  work has been very busy – overtime, remember – so i left it at that for a day or so.

returning to the googles with shmi’s full name, i continued searching.  i found obituaries for matt skywalker and for silven “steve” tusken.  matt skywalker was her brother who died relatively young.  tusken was her step father.  the obits helped me figure out who all shmi’s siblings were and which that tusken was her step father.  i started googling those names.  gradually i had reconstructed her family tree back to all her grandparents and some of her great grandparents.  its worth noting at this point, everyone in her family lineage was in and around tatooine, while my family was all around corellia, and no one’s surnames matched up with any of mine.  for our purposes, corellia is a major city on the east coast of the us.  tatooine is another state in another time zone.  if we were first cousins or even second cousins, i should have come across a common name by now.  the skywalker family was very extensively researched, and shmi’s brother, anakin, was fairly active across g1 message boards about the skywalker family.  one of the postings included an email address, so i decided to reach out to him.  i emailed him thursday at 1pm.

anakin got back to me the same day, about 5pm.  he generally shared my confusion about how our families might fit together.  his family tree was very extensively researched, and he knew a great deal about y-chromosome dna testing (y-test).  there was a large skywalker family y-test sample set, compiled over many years.  however g1 uses autosomal dna testing (a-test), which anakin knew little about.  we reviewed surnames back another generation, without any matches.  at this point i had also googled the reliability of g1 dna matches.  i admit, i had fallen for marketing hype and done little to research whether this was a good buy, so i was wondering whether i had been burned.  anakin, with an extensive knowledge of the y-test also took it on himself to research g1 dna testing methodology.  anakin’s conclusion was, in short, that technology had passed his family research project by.  the a test used by g1 was a much more robust test than the y-test that his family had been performing for years.  my research indicated some misgivings about g1 dna, but not the kind of widespread internet rage you’d expect from a $99 ripoff.  finally, i shared a list of my shmi-common matches with anakin, and the years of mine, my sister’s, my parents and grandparents births.  ostensibly this was to help anakin determine where, generationally, our trees might mesh.  but at this point, i closed my email to him with the words, “i'm afraid that short of both of our families having a closely guarded secret of adoption or infidelity, there is just no plausible way we are related within the last 3 generations.”  in a nutshell, i was ready to give up.

the next morning, anakin, still via email, expressed that the last bit of data i shared with him had confirmed his theory, and that we should discuss.  we ultimately got in touch by phone on friday oct 9, 10:03 am.
we exchanged pleasantries, and anakin asked if my parents were still together, because it might change how what he has to say is taken, and that what he has to say may be “startling.”  he had wrestled with whether and what to tell me, but that ethically, he thought this was the right thing to do.  he goes on to say that if he is right, shmi is not my first cousin, she is my aunt, and that he is my biological father.  startling is a good word.  mind-blowing would be a better one.  he explains while his family history is in tatooine, from year1-year4 he attended corellia community college (ccc).  at this point, i genuinely believe he is about to tell me that he had a relationship with my mom.  but he didn’t.  from year2 to year4, he had been a sperm donor at a local fertility clinic.  i was born in year3.  i asked him the doctor’s name, and he had it readily.  the clinic advertised in ccc’s student newspaper, one of his classmates had done it and gradually a few others got in on it.  

add a piece of information that he did not have: i know that my parents had difficulty conceiving.  to what degree, when, where they might have been treated: i don’t know.

he discussed some family dynamics, what i might think of my family, what he has told his (nothing to date), and appropriately waffled between being willing to engage with me and not wanting to intrude in my life or family dynamic.

the clinic was very confidential about the eventual success or failure of donations, and went so far as to say much of the time, they didn’t even know.  however, once the nurse had let slip that a beautiful baby girl had been born thanks to him.  that answered one of the only two questions that my mind could actually form.  the second was whether there were health issues i should know about – there weren’t.

other interesting things he told me about his experience as a donor was that he was in demand.  there were not a lot of jedi (a physical attribute) donors.  he also said that he was told parents would frequently pull out a donor from the descriptions who matched a purported father, or the mother, or some model that the couple wants to match.  he also said that he is 6’, and has color1 eyes.

obviously, my mind was blown.  this was all too fantastic to even wrap my head around.  after getting off the phone, i called my wife (/u/justcallmemarajade) and related the story to her.  i got back to my desk; coworkers were leaving for lunch.  i called wedge on the way, because i just had to tell someone.  it was all too overwhelming.

my follow up from this was to google the doctor – confirmed works or at least worked at the corellia clinic at ccc.  i googled anakin extensively, hoping for maybe a picture that might be informative.  i did not find one.
the rest of the afternoon was spent being mind blown.  i also googled alternative dna services, other ways this match could be confirmed.  g1 will let you download your raw data, but it was blocked at work, so that would have to wait.  genealogytwo (g2) allowed you to upload it into their system for free.

once i got home, i performed the raw data download and the upload to g2.  it said that processing could take up to 48 hours.  if you have ever gotten to the end of a tv episode and screamed when you saw, “to be continued”, multiply that by 10,000.  i took back to the internet to search things like how to match y-test results with raw g1 dna data.  the skywalker y-test is very well studied, it has distinctive markers that are published online i could use to review.  unfortunately there’s not.  i ordered a y-test from g2.  fortunately, g2 did beat their prediction by about 47 hours.  my mind was not done being blown.

g2 lets you upload your data for free, but that only leads you to a teaser to purchase “complete” upload.  that is to say, it shows you vague initials of your matches, and anywhere you click for more info leads you to pay $40 to upgrade and complete your registration.  but i was sufficiently teased.  just when i thought my mind was entirely blown, top hit: l organa, “half siblings, grandparent/ grandchild, aunt/ uncle, niece/ nephew”.   i tried to google l organa a bit, but did not receive any promising leads.  i looked into purchasing the “complete” upload, but there was a website error, so i gave up for the night and tried to sleep.  friday night ended.

saturday morning began with purchasing the complete upload.  once that was complete, i was able to see more info on my matches.  l organa was leia organa, and once paid, g2 was very accommodating with just: bam here’s her email address.  which i googled.  she is a realtor in selonia (a suburb of corellia).  i emailed her to say, hi we’re a match, we should compare notes.  i also forwarded her information to anakin.

a little bit later, anakin called me again to discuss leia.  he revealed to me, that based on his searching since i had forwarded her info, she was too young to be the product of his donation.  instead, he disclosed that in year10, his girlfriend became pregnant, and that a girl was given up for adoption.  this timeline more closely fit leia’s age.  apparently i have not just one, but now two half sisters.

later that day, leia returned my email.  her message confirmed that she was adopted, that she had little or no info on her parents, but she would be interested in comparing notes.  i forwarded this to anakin, and he shortly called me to discuss.  he outlined what i should say to leia.  the general theme was that many of the details, even those he had shared with me, were his to discuss with her and that i should limit discussing those with her.  i agreed.  i think the limits he gave me were more than i even intended on sharing.  i responded to leia by email, including my cell phone number, and said that we should talk and discuss.

the story was still just too fantastic.  despite all the evidence, i still just could not internalize this as reality.  and everything is still based on the fundamental reliability of the g1 test.  if that’s bad, everything else is just propagation of that error.  i had been searching other dna tools and found genealogythree (g3)	, which would analyze your g1 raw data for medical purposes for $5.  that’s a steal at twice the price.  it spits out an extensive report, and it pretty much destroyed any possibility that the g1 dna data was not mine.  it registered some general physical attributes, and strong risk factors for 2 specific medical conditions i take medication for.  one of them runs in my mother beru’s family.  any vestige of doubt died there.

sunday at 3:30, i got a call from leia solo (her married name).  i started out saying that i wouldn’t keep her in suspense, that i would skip to the end and then we can go back and fill in the blanks.  i know who her father is, we share a father, i wasn’t raised by him, never met him in person, but he’s alive, healthy and i’ve spoken to him in the last 24 hours.  she immediately asked his name, which i told her.  she had very limited information about her father, sourced to a social worker who worked with her family, that said his name is anakin, he is involved in blank business (her letter literally said “blank”), from tatooine, 6’ with jedi.  i gave her what details i knew, i knew very little about her mother but denied even that, because i thought it more appropriate for her to discuss that with anakin.  i told her that all three of us seemed generally agreed that no one wanted to adversely disrupt each others’ families.  she was very receptive, even excited when i suggested she and her husband have dinner with me and my wife.  she was interested in being contacted by anakin.  she told me, “you’re the first biological relative i’ve ever spoken to.”

i am still struggling to process all of this.  it just seems so far-fetched.  i don’t know what to tell my sister, who was born in year-2, so she can’t be anakins child.  presumably, she is the natural daughter of the man owen who i thought was my father when i got up friday morning.  i don’t resent my parents or feel betrayed.  i understand why they would do this, and why they would keep the secret all this time.  my parents don’t know that i know.  my sister doesn’t know, though now i can’t be sure who her father is.

every word of this is true.  obviously i am protecting my anonymity.  however i am willing to discuss with a mod privately verifying some key details.

 

*edit* formatting

*edit no. 2 update* i may have tentatively convinced my sister - let's call her abby because i'm out of relevant star wars names - to get dna tested for the purpose of the medical analysis.  she's not interested in the genealogical side, so she may just do it under my g1 account, which would let me see the match data.  you have to go through g1 or a similar service before taking that data to g3, they don't offer testing only analysis.  she was departing on a business trip so we will check back when she returns.

*edit no. 3 update* a 4th or 5th cousin, the kind of relationship you expect to find when you test dna on g1, says ive experienced an npe - non-paternal event, and it is not very rare. wanted to share that. oh and she matched me on g2.

*edit no. 3 update* anakin was telling me about his dad, who i guess we will have to call palpatine. also, i have a cousin in the corellia area, shmi's child. and this child was apparently at the same college as me for some overlapping time. also worth noting, anakin was in the blank business in the neighborhood i was living when i went to college. we probably lived within 3-5 miles of each other.

*edit no. 4 update* y test results confirmed the a test. talked to my mom. she said it was supposed to be my dad's sample. she seemed ok when i left. shocked but ok. my step dad says she was crying all night though. she said it would devastate my dad to find out.

TIFU by having a genealogy DNA test done