Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this happened about 3 weeks ago. throwaway for reasons.

first i will provide some background. i am a 18 y/o gay male living in the upstairs portion of my quite conservative parents house. anyway, for a while i had been looking into getting a *toy* to help enjoy myself as i never had done anal play before. however, i am still closeted to my parents and only a few friends know of my sexuality, so discreteness is a must.

i decided to order a set of 3 butt plugs available on amazon prime for the low price of $17 usd along with some water based lube. after taking a shower making sure to clean myself properly and being sure that my parents were both asleep, i proceeded to open the %100 discrete amazon box that arose no suspicion from my parents.

upon opening the box and unwrapping the plastic that contained my new butt buddies, i noticed that the smell was very very strong. it smells of some kind of weird fragrance and plastic. some detail about the objects themselves are they are a variety pack. there is one at a small 1 inch diameter, a medium at a 1.5 inch diameter, and a large at a whopping 2.5 inch diameter. upon seeing the large one out of the box and in hand i couldn't believe the size! it is almost as big as a soda can at the base.

after opening my package and giving them a thorough first cleanse just to be sure i proceed to become aroused by looking at some porn. not just any porn, but *furry porn*. i'm weird, i know that, don't judge. after some time, i proceeded to lube up the old brown eye and began with the small plug. i was not really impressed as the size is relatively small, so i immediately switched to the medium. after successfully taking the medium a few times without a problem, my mind and my body got curious. i proceeded to remove my medium sized toy and reached for the giant 2.5 inch diameter with a length of about 7 inch butt plug. **this is where the fuck up begins**

i make sure that i am extra lubed up as i go for the insertion. i seem to be making progress and get about 1 inch away from the base without too much of a problem. hormones took over and i tried forcing the plug in, but no luck. i didn't think i forced it too hard at the time as there was little pain, but i was wrong.

i went back the the medium sized one for the remainder of the session and i ended up falling asleep leaving it in my rear end. i woke up a few hours later as my hole was becoming a bit itchy. i got up and cleaned up and then went back and slept normally.

fast forward a few days and i notice a few bumps around my anus. i was not too concerned as they were very small at first, but later that same day they became quite large and itchy. i had given myself hemorrhoids. i start to panic and search on web md and other such sites, but they all say different things and i don't know what to believe. i just want my butthole back to pristine condition so i can satisfy any future boyfriends.

about a week after i first noticed the hemorrhoids, they had gotten slightly worse, but there was never any blood or extreme pain. i then caved and made the awkward trip to walgreens to buy some cream to relieve the pain and itching. it has been about a week since i stopped using the cream as per the instructions, but the hemorrhoids are still there but they are not as swollen. 

i have lost sleep and have become seriously anxious about this issue as i really don't want to have to make a trip to the doctor as my parents would surely want to know why, and i don't want any permanent damage to my rear end. and i currently don't know what to do. i am just hoping that they go away in a few weeks and that i won't have to worry about them again as long as i am more careful in the future. i am taking generally precautions not to strain and preventing myself from using my toys that i just couldn't resist obtaining.

 

p.s. they are external hemorrhoids,

TIFU by using a buttplug one size too big NSFW