Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: first time posting here hopefully didn't break any rules (not sure if this is nsfw or not...uh...let me know if i blew it)

so it wasnt today, it was last night. but. last night i play paddle (platform tennis, the winter outdoor sport of the midwest look it up!) until about 1030-11. about half way through the burrito i had for lunch rears its ugly head and i need to shit. like really bad. so im fartin and laughing cuz it stinks and the people im playing with are like, jesus <me> how the fuck can you farts smell this bad for this long outside. and im like, yo....burritos bros

so its relieving some pressure but not enough. i need to shit. so we finish paddle and im like, sorry bros i gotta go this 20 min drive is not helping the shit train. and it is roaring down the tracks. 

so im driving and scooting around in my seat because like, im uncomfortable. like bloated and need to fart, but dont want to fart in case shit flies out of my ass. but i make it home throw my keys in my hoodie kangaroo pocket, and run inside, roommates like yo wassup and im like

bro not right now need to shit

race up to my room, squat and unleash burrito shits all over and i like lean back and enjoy this. playin on my phone, letting the aftershock fly. just enjoying life. wipe it up lean forward to get off the pot


and my keys call out of my front hoodie pocket into the toilet. like right into the brown steaming spicy mush that i had just tweeted out hot snaaaaaaaakes about. plop. car and house keys. in it. 

im like what the fuck. and fucking panic, like first thought is "flush it." but obv i cant do that, my spare car key is at my parents and idfk what id do about a house key since my roommate doesnt have a car and my keys would be down the toilet. 

so then im like. ok obviously im not reaching in there bare handed and look around and grab a like, grocery bag or whatever i keep a bunch that i use to line my bathroom trash can. and make sure it has no holes and go in there for them. pull them out. pretty covered in poop. im like gagging at this point. and like i flush and hold them in the water as it comes down to wash as much poop off the keys in the toilet as possible. and it does a decent job but still a respectable amount of dook on the keys. so then i have to like...scrub the literal shit out of them in the sink and its gross but i gotta do it. so im scrubbing and scrubbing and they eventually get clean but im looking at myself in the mirror like...this is it

this is rock bottom. 

so i guess life is ok now that i only can go up. also happy i didnt impulse flush my keys down the toilet.

TIFU By Keeping My Car Keys in My Hoodie Front Pocket *NWS*