Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: Hi everyone. A few people asked for an update, and I found the time and energy to write one, so I thought I would make one, but **this is pretty long**. My original post can be found [\[\[HERE\]\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a1zy3p/aita_for_snapping_at_my_boyfriend_in_front_of/). TL;DR of that post was my bf and “friends” occasionally made sexual jokes about me even though the jokes made me uncomfortable. Even though I told my bf to stop before, my post was about snapping at my bf at dinner with friends to stop the jokes. My bf got mad at me, told me not to speak to him like that, and called me emotionally abusive. That’s the gist. Pretty much all the comments said I was not the A-hole. Thanks to everyone who commented on that.

I posted that on November 30 I believe. It’s now December 3rd, and even though its only been a few days, a lot has happened. So much stuff I never expected that I can’t believe its happened. It’s really been a whirlwind since I made my post. Some people wanted an update so I wrote down some of the stuff that happened so I could remember it all.

To keep this post relevant to the sub, I’m still asking for feedback about if I am the A-hole for anything, etc. **A TL;DR is at the bottom.** AITA?

First off, I went to break up with him on the morning of December 1, though it quickly turned into a mutual breakup as my now ex didn’t seem upset about breaking up. It was surprising actually, it was very civil. He even said something like “we had rough times but in the future I will look back at us with fond memories.” This surprised me a little but I just wanted to leave so I essentially just said “same” and left. Only a few minutes after leaving I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.

Anyway, later that day on December 1st, I was just doing some stuff to relax, like watching funny youtube videos. I tweeted something like “I just laughed the hardest I have in a while, it felt really good” and thought nothing of it. It’s like me to tweet random pointless things so this wasn’t out of character for me. A couple hours later, I get a lot of angry texts from my ex (I didn’t block his number because the breakup seemed civil and I just forgot about it). He was attacking me for my tweet, called me a machine with no emotions, like a robot, and said other things like “just get out of my life you absolutely mean person.” He said I never actually cared about him. There were some cuss words in there and a lot of caps lock. I just kind of freaked out, tried to deescalate the situation, etc, but my ex was having none of it and eventually stopped replying. I did too and tried to ignore it all. By this point our “friends” knew about the break up.

So yesterday on December 2nd, I woke up feeling bad/angry about the situation so I messaged all my “friends” that I wanted to talk about some things with them. I didn’t say it but I wanted to talk about the jokes and one other thing: in the couple of months before the break up, I noticed that my friends kept ditching plans with me to do them with my bf. For example, twice I asked everyone if they wanted to see a new movie together. They said yes and we set a tentative date. However, both times I would message them about the movie, and they revealed they had already gone to see it with my then bf. This happened twice, even though the second time I offered to buy all the tickets. Nothing like this happened when one of the guys would make plans.

They agreed to talk. It went well at first but my ex didn’t show because, as I later found out, he was “too scared” of me to come. Anyway, the talk went well and I thought most of the issues there were resolved. At the end of the talk my bf texted one of the guys and said he was too scared to come because I emotionally abused him. To my knowledge this was the first time the guys heard this because they didn’t know what my ex was talking about.

We left the discussion and one of the guys went over to talk to my ex. Soon after I got a message from this guy. He said he wanted me and my ex to talk things out. I was skeptical and didn’t want to but he kept pressuring me to do it so I gave in. This guy told me to basically let my ex “walk all over me” by not arguing with my ex, because my ex was feeling too sensitive and upset for confrontation… so why would he want to talk? But whatever…. I just did it so everyone would get off my back and to try to get some closure. So yesterday night I talked to my ex from like 11pm to 1am. A lot of stuff was said and I don’t remember it all. But a few things stood out to me.

First, my ex defined me emotionally abusing him as a couple things: the incident at dinner, overall emotional incompatibility, life goals that were already interfering with each other (?), clashing personalities, and finally that me “abusing” him was “not my fault.” So I was very confused. I don’t think these count as abuse?

I then tried to tell him how I felt. These included: he brought up his struggle with mental illness when we would argue and I felt like he would try to manipulate me with it; he got frustrated at me when I didn’t want to spend all my free time with him; told me asexuality was an “issue” to “get over” when I was questioning myself; and finally, he would pressure me into sex. He did this a decent amount. He would say he needed sex to relieve tension and feel better. When I would cry during sex he would get upset as well but then convince me to keep going by saying “we’ll both feel better if we finish it” so I just always gave in and obliged. I rarely wanted sex with him, especially more recently, but always consented just to get him off my back. I felt gross doing this but I thought it would’ve been better to just deal with it. I didn’t tell him all of this because I didn’t want to make him mad, it’s just how I felt. Especially being pressured into sex in a past relationship, it really sucked, but I’m glad its over now.

ANYWAY, when I tried to explain ANY of this to him, he would not take any responsibility for it, even though I never said “I blame you for \_\_\_\_” or anything. One thing I remember is when I told him about feeling pressured into sex, he said that he only ever did something like that because he felt neglected or because he was frustrated with me for “something I did or didn’t do” in the time between sexual encounters. I felt really bad about this but didn’t really know how to respond so I did kind of end up letting my ex “walk all over me.” I also didn’t want to make a scene because we were in a semi-public place and didn’t want to look weak by leaving early. Also I was worried if I got angry he would have more evidence for me being abusive. Eventually it ended and I left.

Before I left he told me that his family, who I have met and got along with, now hates me.

I thought (hoped) that could be the end of things but earlier today (Dec 3) something else happened. I tried reaching out to a couple of the friends I felt closer to, but something was weird. In a couple of classes I had with the guys, they seemed to avoid me more than usual so I asked what was up. They said my ex was really “messed up” by what happened and they want to focus on making him better so can’t focus on me, or something. They mentioned that my ex had been in their room crying for a few hours. I told them that I was being falsely accused of stuff but they were all like “we don’t really know what happened but (ex) is more torn up than you so we need to be good friends to him.”

Something about this just rubbed me the wrong way, so after I was done with classes I wrote a document that was basically a letter to the group chat. It basically said that I was being falsely accused and my “friends” were blindly giving in and devoting themselves to my ex. I told them that I was cutting them off and told them to not contact me again.

I did this kind of at the advice of redditors who commented on my original post, and partially on impulse, so I feel kind of bad about doing it. They might think I was being an emotional, rude bitch and shit talk me behind my back? I don’t know. None of them have contacted me, so that’s good obviously, but I can’t help but feel that I am owed an apology. But it really hurts because I’ll see some of them in class, and I’m basically left with no friends. These guys were my only friends at school, all I have are some acquaintances left, nobody I could text and be like “hey want to hang out?”

So while I’m happy about the break up, I feel so crappy because I have no friends left and it almost feels worse. I’ve just been watching funny youtube videos and doing homework. It’s been helping, but at this point I’m overall just numb I guess?

AITA for any of this? And once again thank you everyone for your helpful comments.

**TL;DR:** lots of stuff happened. My now ex continued to accuse me of abuse. “Friends” weren’t helpful. Ex wouldn’t take any responsibility. So I lost the ex, lost the friends. I’m now basically alone.

snapping at my bf in front of his friends