Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: throwaway account, for obvious reasons. 

so i was at my town's annual festival for an event i will not divulge, and after i eating a ton of funnel cake, fried oreos, and more than my share of soda, i needed to take a huge piss. now, there are no bathrooms at the venue, just porta potties. not a problem, i had a bottle of hand sanitizer in the car. if i held my breath and sanitized when i left, everything will be fine, right? nope. 

while i was walking to my doom, the fried semi-edible junk i had been eating the whole night caught up with me. i was seized with a sudden urge to evacuate my bowels, and i ran to those porta potties faster than a woman runs away from a neckbeard. 

there were five of them, lined up in a neat row. my colon and rectum were crying for release. hurriedly, i pulled on the doors of each. all the ones i tried occupied. ready to crap my pants right then and there and running low on hope and willpower, i weakly pushed on the door to the last porta potty in the row. miraculously, it was empty and i finally had a place to evacuate my waste. 

i sat down to pee (nah, i'm not a sitzpinkler, i just have a vagina) and take my shit. now, this was not your average shit. given the amount of food i binged on that day, it was a lot... larger than usual. but it didn't matter to me. shitting on a toilet-like apparatus that led to a hole in the ground was infinitely better than shitting in the bushes and wiping my ass with leaves. 

after i finished evacuating my bowels, and wiping the slight splashback from my butt, i was ready to go. but my body wasn't done yet, oh no. i was hit with a cold sweat and the uneasiness that everyone associates with vomiting, and all i was thinking was *oh shit oh shit not here not now please*. 

i figured that the splashback wasn't so bad when i shat. plus, it wouldn't be enough to hit my face if i vomited into the toilet. right?

boy, was i wrong. when i couldn't take it anymore, a soup of stomach acid and half-digested deep fried food came rocketing out of my mouth *way* faster than i thought it would.

every action has an equal and opposite reaction, right, reddit? the vomit evacuating my body and 100 miles per hour was no exception. 

when my vomit hit the toilet, a conglomerate of shit, piss, vomit and who-knows-what-else splashed back on my face and shirt, but thankfully, not my mouth. horrified, i grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wiped the appetizing toilet soup off my face. my clothes weren't so lucky, though. 

shamefully, i tiptoed out of the porta potty carrying the scent of stomach acid, crap, stale urine, and shame and headed to my car, where a bottle of hand sanitizer was just waiting to be used. 

i vigorously rubbed the generic, odd-smelling hand sanitizer all over my body, and just this once, i cursed myself for being so cheap and not shelling out money for something that didn't smell like the unholy love child of gasoline and isopropyl alcohol. 

i squeezed some onto a napkin and dabbed my face with it to clear all evidence of the poop soup from my face. and it *stung*. like. hell. remember kids, don't put hand sanitizer anywhere near your eyes, especially if it's a weird generic brand from a back-alley gas-station. 

but anyway, i soldiered on and drove home with everything but my dignity. i *really* hate porta potties.

TIFU by vomiting into a porta potty