Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: repost from two days ago - original post was removed within an hour due to the reference to masturbation, which is only allowed in this sub during the weekend.  i'm still on foreign time, so i hope the weekend has started by now in the states.

about a year and a half ago i was part of a college trip to a foreign country with about 20 other students. the difference between me and the other students on this trip was that i had decided that i would be staying in this country to try to make a living for myself.

we were housed in a large building with many rooms that served as a dormitory for us. it was a very collegial atmosphere and we all had quite a bit of fun learning new things about the culture and language, as well as enjoying the foods and drinks that were either new to us or of better quality than what we normally get in america.

at the end of the trip, every student flew back home except for me since i was staying. i had the run of the place for a few days before i moved on to my new residence. it felt a little lonely, but at the same time pretty fucking awesome. at this point, realizing i was going to need every little bit of help i could get, i decided to scavenge the other rooms in search of items that could be of immediate or future use to me, and thus save me money - which was and still is of primary concern.

it was a treasure trove - the students left behind some surprisingly useful things (otc meds, lint rollers, usb-powered clothes iron, etc.). some of the other more frequently abandoned items were bottles of lotion. there were many different varieties, ranging from generic jergens or dove lotions to "designer" lotions in small bottles with varied fragrances and creative names like "country chic" and fancy bottles with labels of cartoon snowflakes and snowmen drawn upon.

in any case, being a lubrication-enhanced-masturbation enthusiast, i collected these with glee and gusto. little did i know, but this would later prove to be my undoing.

fast-forward three or four months or so. i had blazed through the jergens and dove lotions and moved on to the "country chic." country chic smelled fantastic, and was really a pleasure to jerk off with, however it came in such a small bottle that it only lasted for three sessions or so. when it looked like there wasn't going to be enough lotion for my next go-around, i shelved the bottle and opened the one with the snowmen on it.

the snowman lotion also served its purpose admirably, but was sadly in exactly as small a bottle as country chic.

that's when my greatest idea ever hit me:

"how about instead of throwing both bottles away, you just combine the remainder of the two lotions into one bottle so that you can put off buying a new bottle of lotion for one more day! how does that sound, you fucking cheapskate?"

it sounded great, and it worked fantastically well...at first. i came home from the bar drunk as shit one night and rubbed one out, noticing a new previously unexperienced pleasant warming sensation that the new mixture of the two lotions afforded. i thought i had discovered something wonderful, and allowed the mixture of drunkenness and post-ejaculatory bliss to carry me into my sleepy wonderland. i woke up a little drowsy the next day, and like most days when i wake up, i instinctively grabbed my wiener. 

that was a big mistake.

after my arm involuntarily jerked away, the first thing i noticed was a searing pain that radiated out in all directions from my crotch and lasted several seconds - like when you accidentally scratch a particularly bad sunburn. i had barely taken my first waking breath before i had to painfully groan the remaining air in my lungs into my stark new reality: there was something seriously wrong with my genitalia.

i decided to get out of bed. wrong idea. any time i moved my legs, or any part of my body for that matter, the subtle sympathetic movement of my scepter and crown jewels would elicit excruciating pain. i decided to lift the covers and see exactly what i was dealing with. what i saw was terrifying.

overnight, my penis and balls had mutated to three times their normal size. ordinarily this in itself might have been a fantastic discovery, but my shaft and sack were both bright red and quite obviously extremely and painfully swollen. the swelling was so extreme that it looked like my circumcised penis had never been cut to begin with. i seriously could not even brush against my penis or scrotum with my fingertip without severe pain that would last for several seconds.
then came the worst revelation: i had to piss.

everyone here can relate to the first pee of the morning after a night in the bars. it is urgent. it will be voluminous. it cannot and should not be stopped.

i somehow found the strength to deal with the pain as i rolled out of bed and delicately traipsed to the bathroom - i could not walk normally without incredible pain. this was not going to be a stand-up operation. i had to swallow my pride and sit down. my bulging pecker peeped up over the lip of the bowl so i had to lean far forward while gingerly using one finger to delicately angle him downward as i watched, terrified and still in pain. i relaxed my "pee-holding muscles" and waited for the release, but it didn't come. i figured maybe there was a slight obstruction so i decided to push a little. still, nothing. keep in mind, the urge to pee was continuously incredibly strong.

finally, i decided to push as hard as i could in order to get the flow going. that turned out to be a horrible idea. 

the flow of urine from my member came out as a minuscule squirt, about a 45 degree angle away from its normal path, and looked to be thinner than a strand of thread, and this action was so excruciatingly agonizingly painful that i involuntarily screamed with pain and began to cry. not a normal "eyes watering" type of cry, but a dirty, shuddering cry. i saw red, and felt like i was about to pass out. the entire piss lasted less than one second.

even with what i just said about the urge to pee the morning after a night in the bars, i immediately gave up on the prospect of peeing at that moment, and began to try to think about what had happened. the only explanation i could come up with was that the mixture of the two "designer" lotions had produced some sort of combination that had caused a very severe reaction on my genitalia. i somehow managed to meander into the shower to try and clean whatever remained from that devil mixture off of my junk. however, my package was so damned sensitive that even the flow of water upon it hurt like hell, regardless of temperature.

i cleaned my willy as best as i could and found my way back into bed, extremely thankful that i had the next few days free. there was seriously no way i would have been able to do any sort of work in this condition. i somehow managed to get back to sleep.

three hours later i woke up again, hoping that what i'd just experienced had been a nightmare, or at least something short-lived, and that since i'd managed to wash off a little of the lotion mixture's residue that i'd be on the fast track to normal penile health again. wrong. the urge to pee was still as strong as it ever had been, and i couldn't even turn myself in bed without aching and burning all throughout my genitalia. the urge to pee this time, however, was impossible to ignore.

i waddled my way into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. leaned forward and hoped for the best before i gave a hefty push. i watched as the stream of piss came out - still at a 45 degree angle, but this time slightly thicker than last time. did i mention that it hurt so much that i screamed the entire time? somehow i found the strength to pee until i emptied my bladder. i don't think i've ever been so relieved in my entire life.

at this moment, i had to take the opportunity to examine the damage. i took my wiener gingerly in my hand, and angled him upwards to get a look at my peehole. i squeezed the tip a little, which normally allows the two sides to part, and noticed that the entirety of my urethra except for a tiny bit was seemingly fused together.

this was a cause for great alarm. however, being a rather modest person, and having very high hopes for self-recovery, i elected to wait and see how things played out in the next few days, as opposed to what a normal person would do - you know, calling a doctor and telling him you accidentally burned your dick shut because you're so damn cheap/poor you can't get a girlfriend and have to resort to masturbation using mixtures of lotions you scavenged from tourists. i didn't have anywhere really important to be or anything really urgent to do anyway. also, my self-deprecative nature was really kicking in at this point: "you fucking idiot, why the fuck would you do that, you deserve everything that's coming to you" and whatnot.

i went back into my room and laid down in bed. i then thought to examine the bottle in which i had mixed the two lotions. to my horror, instead of containing a "lotiony" mixture, it contained a blueish watery substance that had actually separated into a light blue foam on top with a transparent dark blue liquid underneath. i let the realization of my unfortunate mistake sink in as i tried to fall back asleep.

the next three or four days were spent laying in bed trying to sleep as much as i could, binge-watching game of thrones, and being terrified about whether i had caused irreparable damage to my junk. only after those three days could i even put on a pair of pants without the friction causing unbearable pain.

gradually toward the end of the week, the swelling subsided and the burned skin on my penis and scrotum began to harden and darken. eventually it cracked and peeled off like a sunburn in large dark brown flakes. this entire time, every time i had to pee i had to sit down due to the funny angle of my pee stream.

the next week, i examined my peehole a little more thoroughly and was able to determine that the skin was still fused together in the middle of what had been its normal opening. i feared i would never again be able to stand up while peeing, as it had begun to come out in two decidedly differently angled streams. after a few days of this i got sick of it and pushed as hard as i could while peeing. the pressure was able to blast the fused skin apart - the moment of pain caused by that was nothing compared to what i had previously endured. still, what used to be nice clean streams of pee had become a very rough, splattery flow (think austin powers' defrost piss scene - toward the end). it took another 3 or 4 weeks before i could pee normally again. thank god there was no lasting damage, but to this day i can't pee without a moment of dread right before my flow starts.

from now on, i am very particular about my jerkoff lotions.

TIFU by chemically fusing my penis shut [NSFW, NSFL] Take two.