Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this happened 14 hours ago and am still recovering from the incident. essentially, i attended a family party at a small town in connecticut. it was getting late. my cousin (27 - daniel) and i (26 - jack) were in the house playing pool. he was pretty intoxicated and i was sober. suddenly my cousin's nephew (will) storms into the house upset. he is about 7. he says he was bullied by an older kid "george" (about 12), struck with a bat, and had a mark. his parents are no where to be found - always good parenting - and he was hurt both physically and emotionally (more so emotionally). my cousin and i decided to investigate the matter by walking up the street to where this apparent kid was. my cousins' sister (kat) and will decided to tag along to figure this situation out. now is where it gets weird. it is literally pitch black, but we notice a few lights stemming from a house in an evident party. as we walked closer we notice a good amount of cars, and then finally kids on skooters on the road - not on their property. i then politely inquire, "hi, i'm looking for george?" and that's when shit hit the fan! the mother of "geroge" (whom we will refer to as "fatb") was in the group of kids and heavily intoxicated gets in my face telling me, "you're a f'ing loser; who the f do you think you are?!" 


i then politely respond, "hi, i am here to try to understand a situation with my cousins' nephew (will) getting hit with a bat." 


the fatb then continuing to scream: "how the f old are you?!". 
i then reply: "that doesn't matter. i am here to figure out what happened."
fatb: "how old are you!"
i then, trying to show her a lesson, ask: "how old are you?"
fatb: "why does that matter?"
me: "exactly! i heard will was hit by a bat and i just want to understand what happened."
fatb is now super pissed.


now it gets shittier.


will's mom (gerty - 42), also plastered, comes out of the darkness and starts telling me (her cousin) and her younger brother and sister (daniel and kat) off.
she does this because she is more concerned of her social status in this "clique" of people than she is with her own family - nice!


gerty: "why the f are you here! you f'ing ruined my life!"
fatb: "yeah you're f'ing losers don't you have better things to do!"
me: "i was just trying to understand the situation..."
(now my cousin daniel gets pissed)
daniel: "f you (fatb), your son hit my nephew and you're f'ing yelling at us?!"
-exit fatb waddling off like an anally abused penguin which is apparently her running form-


gerty: "you all f'ing ruined my life, and now my marriage (...don't understand this either), and you're f'ing assholes"
me: "listen, if you have this controlled then i will just leave, but your son came to the house upset".
daniel: "you are f'ing shitty (gerty), we are your family and you can't even stand up for us?!"


- suddenly noise! fatb and 8 adults come running into the road completely sauced -


now daniel and i are surrounded - in the road mind you and never on their property.
kat hides and my cousins' nephew will is hiding as well.


fatb: "f you who the f do you think you are" - now pushing daniel and i.
group of men: "who the f are you! you want to go you f's!"
daniel: "you're f'ing son hit my nephew with a f'ing bat! how do you think you're f'ing right?"
me, holding daniel: "daniel, let's leave, they are all intoxicated and we are going to f'ing get rekt if this escalates"
(at this point i can't stop daniel)


daniel: "gerty you are such a f'ing ahole, you don't deserve to be in our family."
group of men aggressively walking toward me: "who the f do you think you are asking for george!?"
me (backing down the street): "i was just attempting to understand what happened... that was all."


now, since i was backing down the street, daniel was 20 feet away, and i had all the men on me.
daniel only had fatb and gerty.
i'm about 5'9" and pretty built.
i know how to protect myself, but it would not be smart to fight as it would be me vs. 8 or so middle-aged drunk men.
plus i hate fighting because i always feel upset afterwards (lover not a fighter).


me: "listen, if things are controlled then i will grab daniel and leave"
voice: "what the f did you say!!!!!!???!!!!"
- out of the darkness a 6'2" large middle-aged man sprints around the other men; whom i can only assume is george's father -


my thoughts at this moment were either run or put up my fists and fight.
it was literally like slow motion.
i then looked at daniel still telling off gerty and fatb.
i didn't want to leave him.
i didn't want to fight.
i was confused.
then this man put both hands around my neck and squeezed.


man: "what did you f'ing say!! who are you??"
me, holding my arms up passively while gasping: "i don't want a problem. i wanted to figure out the situation."
man: "put your arms down!!!!!!"


other men start to swarm.
this man has been holding my neck solidly for 40 seconds and pushing me down the street.
i can feel my heart and the blood rushing into my head.
i might actually have to fight and might actually die because of this...
in addition, apparently this man was a corrections officer so he probably knew a deal of self-defense.
my thoughts were pull the man, by his arms, closer and use the force to kick straight him in the balls... then punch the chin as hard and fast as possible.
this is the best method if someone is choking you with both hands from the front.


other man grabs the mans hands while looking at me: "what are you doing here?!!!"
i finally am let go before i react.
me, trying to breathe: "honestly, i am trying to understand the situation."
other man now more aggressive: "what are you doing here?"
voices in the background: "we called the police! you're going to be f'ing arrested."
me, now understanding there is no getting through to stupidity: "honestly, leaving. i'm grabbing daniel and leaving..."


kat and will are no where to be found.
it is now about 11:30 pm.
i run over to daniel still telling off fatb and gerty, and grab him.
i sternly demand to him we need to leave.
we begrudgingly march off but fatb runs up and pushes daniel and i at the end of the street.
continuing with the name calling - as you know is so effective.
i push daniel down the street and eventually are almost alone until will's father whom is obliterated (dick) calls out to us.


dick: "i should f'ing pop the heads off both of you!!!"
daniel:"screw you we just fought for your son and you can't even stand up for your family"
dick: "you deserved to be choked you ahole!" 
daniel: "you are nothing to our family, you can't protect us and you are an officer of the law?!! we were wronged!!"


we walk away and return to the house.
gerty enters the house and starts telling off the family... then dick shows up demanding his wife and his son.
daniel continues yelling and both of them.
will is no where to be found at midnight.
kat is at the house crying because she felt helpless.
this was her graduation party and her friends are watching this unravel.

i then calm down, and within an hour and half drive down to the police station to report my story.


me: "i have the marks on my neck to prove i was assaulted"
cop: "do you want to press charges? just keep in mind, if you do press charges and i go down there and they claim you assaulted them i will arrest all of you."
me: "i'm sober officer, i have an entire family with the same story, but those other people... they are completely incoherent. you would take their story over mine?"
cop: "i'm just telling you what will happen. you will all have records. you will all go to court. it seems your pride is hurt and maybe your neck. just move on..."
me, upset: "...i would like to make an anonymous claim for possible underage drinking and for breach of peace at this house..."
cop: "i can check it out..."


nothing happened and i'm stuck playing out the scenarios of what i could of done better.

TIFU by getting strangled.