Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: actually, this is a series of fu, so grab your beer and prepare your hand to facepalm with me. btw, english is not my 1st lang, so yeah, you know.

a little bit of backstory: i'm male, 23, got out of a 4years relationship like 8months ago, and since then i hadn't had sex, even tho i tried sometimes, my right hand was there for the time of needs. 

ok, now what you guys love: tonight i was going to grab some food because i was hungry and i thought: -hey, why not buy some fast food? and so i went to buy my food, but before leaving my house i had the brilliant idea to go and see photos of some models (it's a website with hookers photos and their info). dont ask me why, i guess i'm just a horny guy, who knows. and one of the models really caught my attention, 23yo, pretty, nice ass and boobs, you know, all the package. i saved her number on my cellphone and left to buy my food. 

fast forward 10min, already in the line of mc donalds drive through i looked on my cellphone and thought: -hm, have some sex now would be amazing, should i try and call her? my penis immediately screamed: -you piece of shit, you better call her right fucking now. so i called her, she answered the phone, 2min talking with her and i had an appointment in 20min with said girl. forgot about my junk food, went home, brushed my teeth and left to her house. almost got lost but managed to get there safe.

so i parked, left the car and rang the intercom (is this the right word? anyway...), she answered and i told her: -hey, hello, i'm letmediepls. she said: -oh, hello, i'm hooker, do you want to park the car in the garage? i sad yes and she opened the gate, already one car parked and my car almost didn't fit there, but everything went well, till now.

got in the house, went to the room with her, some small talk and she asked me with i wanted to shower, and in my head that shit was: -do you want to fuck me in the shower? nope reddit, my first regret was right here and i think i should've left, because when i said yes she didn't went with me, i went alone while she sat in the bed with her phone in hands. welp, took the shower and thought if i should masturbate, because you know, like all most of redditors, i masturbate regularly but two weeks ago i decided to stop faping and see what would happen with my life, but i tell you, nothing. so, was just me and my hand, arguing if i should masturbate or not, because i cant last 10min if i'm paying for one full hour. decided to not masturbate, my second regret. 

she took off her dress and i was just with the tower around my waist, and we laid in the bed, me with tower and she with her underwear. more small talk and she started kissing my nick, little bit os kissing and when i went to kiss her lips (thinking now, i don't think thats a safe thing to do, but lets continue here) she said -nope, no kissing. yeap, third regret. we were interlaced (fancy word hun?) and kissing each others neck, shoulders, etc.. and in my horny state that i was, tried to start finger a little bit, gently of course, and again: -nope, you're going fast haha. yeap, fourth regret and i was thinking: -jesus fucking christ what am i doing here? i can't even touch her holy fuck. she then proceed to get the condom and wrap my precious who was hard as rock, then she started the blowjob session (with condom but no problem here).

now i realized that my two weeks with no 5vs1 would be a huge problem, because 5min into the blowjob i was trying my best to not finish, 10min and she was really into the blowjob (i think she loves it, because she wasn't tired at all) i told her to wait for a second and the second she got her mouth out of my dick i didn't managed to hold it and i came. let me tell you that i felt bad for lasting only 10min, but hey, i was paying for one hour right? enough time for second round. nope, no second round allowed she said. threw away the condom and we kept talking for like 5min and i asked her if i could at least suck her boobs/vagina but i got another no as answer (thinking now, i don't think thats the right thing to do, so many dicks were there before me and i would lick it? oh well). after that she was basically kicking me out of there, and on my way i went, but hey, not before taking my car out of the garage right?

well, was backing up and trying to be as careful as possible because the garage was tight (lol) and when i thought i was passing the gate i heard a loud sound and guess what reddit? exactly, i destroyed my right mirror (idk the right word for that) in the gate while backing with my car. man i got pissed, almost 5 years driving and i never got involved in any kind of accident, alone or not, and yet i fucking broke my mirror. great. left the car to get the mirror who was on the ground and when i looked up she was in the window, with her phone in hands (saw the light in her face), no idea if she was taling to someone or recording my stupidity, but if she was recording i'm done, i'm fucking done with this life.

and this reddit, is how i fucked up my night, i guess i should've just bought my food huh? at least i have one great (not to me )story to tell, if i'm going to tell this to someone. and any of you guys that have experience with hookers, will this get better with time? i'm thinking on trying to call another one next week, it can't be that, right?

 

oh, and the mirror? http://i.imgur.com/a0qm9hv.jpg

NSFW TIFU by trying to get laid