Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: spoiler:  the house is still intact, and i have ~~most~~ all of my fingers.

so earlier this evening, i got the bright idea to make myself some french toast - this being one of two things that i can actually make (the other being poached eggs) without much risk to life or limb.

minor problem:  it had been a while since i last made a few slices, and i have the memory of a goldfish going through a sieve.  *not much of a problem*, i thought.  *should be simple - y'know, a cup of milk and an egg.  what could possibly go wrong with that?*  the culinary-inclined amongst you have probably noticed that this is slightly out of proportion.  slightly.

i pour the milk, whisk in an egg, and start heating up a frying pan.  within minutes, i've got the first slice of bread coated in batter on the pan and sizzling.  except something's wrong.  it's floppier than that dead hooker from vega- er, well, something really floppy.  so i fight with it with a spatula for a few moments, and manage to dredge this mass of gooey egg, milk, and bread out of the saucepan and off to the side.  *that's not how this is supposed to go.  it's supposed to be all solid and toasty.*

maybe i let it soak for too long.  i tried again, but decided that adding butter to the pan might help prevent the french toast in potentia from turning into a frenchman's splooge.  this is where my screwup journey begins.  because the pan was still red-hot from the previous attempt, the butter transformed into this wonderful brown foam, demonstrating that organics can be broken down into carbon.

but i must press on!  i will not rest until i satisfy my need for some sweet, sweet french toast.  this slice, however, quickly went the same way as the first.  now i was confused.  *what the hell was i doing wrong?*  alas, it must be the bread!

i throw a couple new slices in the toaster, and in short order find myself trying to pry bread out of the box of death.  the smell of burning something fills the kitchen.  (i think it was the toaster, but then again, i'm not really sure).  this is achieved after much struggle, but i repeat the cycle a few times in the quest for somewhat solid bread.  amazingly, i don't die in the process (seeing as i had wet hands) and wind up with something vaguely reasonable in terms of the balance between toast and bread.

on the frying pan they go.  they quickly contort into some unholy mass of burned goo.  i shut the oven off and stare into the pan for a few moments, contemplating my life up to this point and the horrible, horrible decisions i made that resulted in me making french toast at 1 in the morning.  fortunately, i haven't been alive that long, so this quickly passes, and i go upstairs to consult the internet to figure out just what the fuck i had been doing wrong.

remember how i called the ratio of egg to milk to your attention a few paragraphs ago?  yeah, there's a pretty good reason for that.  it's supposed to be one egg per each *quarter* cup of milk.  i was basically trying to fry milky bread.

armed with knowledge, and knowledge being half the battle, i return to the war zone of a kitchen to finish the job.  threw some bread in the toaster, had it come up at just the right time; re-did the batter; washed off the frying pan...  this was gonna be it.

off came two of the most glorious looking slices of french toast that i've ever seen.  i was triumphant against the forces of my stupidity and had produced some goddamn *food*, above all odds, that looked edible.  it was worth the half-hour of sweat and tears that i wound up investing.  it would be so worth it.

...they tasted like crap, though, because they were completely raw in the middle.  well, c'est la vie.

 

edit:  should probably note that i wound up going through half a loaf of bread before getting the final product.

TIFU by forgetting how to make French toast.