Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this happened in july of 1992, obviously not today, but i was reminded of it today so here we go.

where i grew up there were a lot of kids all within 3 or 4 years of being the same age.  we all hung out together, all the parents knew whose kid was whose, and everyone was welcome at anyone's house.  my mother and i lived in a duplex on the edge of town, my dad and my brother lived four blocks away so no matter where i was i could hang out with everybody in the neighborhood.  

on the weekend this fu starts my mom left to go to a retreat for church.  she would be gone from thursday to sunday night.  loved it when she did things like this because i could do whatever i wanted, and at 15 that meant getting into trouble.  mom left, i sat around watching tv until 7 or 8 pm, when someone knocks on my door.  it's my neighbor, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's cousin.  i had never met her cousin before because she lived in a town 60 miles to the north of ours, but i was immediately smitten.  based on her reaction she was into me as well.  we hung out until the wee hours of the night, talking, laughing, just hanging out.  the cousin and i hit it off pretty well.  

the next day is just like the day prior, sitting around doing nothing until i hear a knock at the door, it's probably noon.  this time it is just the cousin.  she asks if i want to go for a walk, of course i do, who wouldn't want to hang out with a hot blonde, amiright.  my dad called earlier in the day, and asked if i could go let the dog out because he had to work all day, and my brother wasn't home, so her and i walk to my dad's house.  we were in the house no more than 15 seconds before she grabs me and we start making out.  we move from room to room, lips attached to each others, hands on bodies, it was like nothing i had ever experienced before.  we made it to my brother's room where we ended up on the bed.  while i hadn't had the opportunity to have sex at this point in my life, i was the youngest of three and had learned a thing or two about sex, babies, and how not to create them from my brothers.  i search his room high and low for some protection, none to be found.  she says "i don't care, i'm on the pill."  while this should have been a warning to me, i couldn't process that information as the majority of my blood was being used elsewhere, or maybe i didn't care.  we end up doing it.  it was the best 45 seconds in my life up to that point.  we hang out for the rest of the weekend, totally inseparable.  she goes back to her town sunday morning, i never see her again.

about a week later i wake up still in my clothes from the night earlier after partying until dawn.  (no, parental guidance was not a top priority of our parents)  i had these white levi 501s on that i thought were the shit.  immediately something catches my eye.  there is a yellowish brown stain about the size of a quarter right where my junk was.  i'm like "what the fuck is that?"  i go to the bathroom to investigate further, sure enough there is some sort of crusty stuff on my little soldier, wtf!  then it happens.  i really have to go, so i commence to emptying my bladder, lava explodes from inside my body.  this is the point when i became fully self aware of what exactly was happening, and at that moment i promised myself that i was going to tell no one.

for the next week i keep my secret well hidden from everyone.  as a dumb 15 year old i surmise that the longer i wait to go the less pain i will have to endure, wrong.  friday morning i hold it for as long as i possibly can.  dad is at work, the only people in the house are my brother, his best friend, my best friend and i.  i hold it until 2:00 in the afternoon.  i can't wait any longer.  i go to the bathroom, and let loose.  napalm shoots from my urethra with the force of a fire hose.  the pain is so intense i lose control of my body and fall to the floor, crying.  on the way down i hit the counter with the side of my face.  there i am sobbing, eye blackened from it's meeting with the counter, peeing on myself in a ball on the bathroom floor.  there is a knock at the door, it's the other three guys in the house asking if i'm ok.  i manage to moan "nooooo" and open the door.  all three looked at me in shock, and ask what is going on.  i tell them the story, and all at once...they bust out in laughter.  at this point my secret is out.  we all decide that it would be a good idea to consult the phone book first.  in my area we had this thing called the talking phone book.  in the front of your phone book there was a special section with all these topics you could learn about with a code next to them, you call the main number, enter the code, and a recorded message would tell you about the topic.  as luck should have it they had a section on stds.  we put the phone on speaker, enter a code, and i take notes on each disease like i'm taking a physics class.  i quickly ruled out hiv, herpes, and syphilis.  the only two contenders left were chlamydia and gonorrhea.  what the fuck do i do now?  big brother offers to take me to the local health department.  amazingly the folks down at the health department didn't need my parent's permission to treat me, thank god, i don't want my mom to know her baby is sexually active.  i go into this room, the doctor pulls out this really long q-tip and tells me to drop my pants.  it's not just a quick in and out, no, it's in, swipe around like you're trying to get the last bit of peanut butter out of the jar, then out.  i actually preferred pissing flames than what this doctor did.  fifteen minutes later the doctor comes back in, hands me three items, the first day of medicine, a prescription for the rest of the regimen (roadblock), and a paper grocery bag full of condoms.  he explained that i had gonorrhea, tells me to protect myself, i shouldn't be having sex at 15, etc.  then sends me on my way.  the only thing i know is that there is no way i am getting that prescription filled, mom would definitely find out.  what to do?

fate was definitely on my side one this one because no more than three days after my trip to the health department i become ill.  i couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed, body ached, dizzy.  it really put me down.  mom takes me to the er, blood poisoning.  i have no clue how it happened, but the doctor noticed i bit my fingernails, a couple of them had been bitten too low, and he suspected that i came into contact with a bacteria that made it's way through there.  gives me a prescription...for the same antibiotic that they gave me at the health department.  problem solved.  i was retested for gonorrhea six months later, clean bill of health.  my mom didn't find out until 4 or 5 years ago, she laughed.

TIFU by losing my virginity