Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: so this story actually happened yesterday, for what it's worth.
i've been on a new diet/exercise regime for the last few weeks, and every now and then i get really hungry. i'm obsessively counting calories, so i was scouring the cabinets looking for something low-cal to eat. entire can of marinated jalapenos for only 40 calories? bingo!
so i eat the entire can of jalapenos, and go about my day. two hours later, i'm browsing the internet on the couch when i suddenly realize i must make an immediate sortie to the toilet, as bad things are about to happen.

i pull down my pants just in time to unleash a torrent of pepper oil diarrhea. my stomach is churning, and my asshole is on fire. i sit on the john for a while until the pain subsides. as soon as a i stand up, i realize that i've shit not *into* the toilet, but rather all over the back of it. fuck. now i suddenly understand how it happens. *now i'm one of those people.*

horrified by the mess all over the toilet and all over my backside, i tip toe out of the bathroom to the cabinet under the sink, and grab a baby wipe in one hand, and a clorox wipe in the other. cue the fuck up.

absconding back into the bathroom, i promptly forget which wipe was in which hand. the mistake is readily apparent once my anus is ignited into a broiling agony that rivals the deepest pits of hell. shoving a steak knife up my ass would have been a walk in the park compared to this torment.

so, i start screaming and my partner comes running, only to find me clutching my shit-covered butt in a shit-covered bathroom, sobbing. a bit much for a month old relationship...

TIFU by accidentally bleaching my asshole... NSFW