Definition: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, generate a suitable title that describes the main event/root cause of the situation. Imagine that the given text is a social media post, and you have to write the title of the post, so the users can decide to read the main text or not.
Input: So my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He’s a very talented musician. He was in a band when we met. About a year into our relationship he joined a different band that’s much more involved. They’re moderately successful. They usually tour April-September ish. honestly, it depends on the festival season and a ton of other stuff. Also, I live in Virginia because of him. I moved here about 5 and a half years ago to help my brother and his wife out with their baby. They’re military and got transferred elsewhere about 2 years ago. My boyfriend and his family are the only family I have on this coast. ALSO I’m a flight attendant based in Boston so I travel a lot and don’t have a traditional work environment to make friends. I don’t really have any friends in Virginia. My boyfriend and his family are literally all I have here.

Since college I’ve always been a bit weird about my birthday. My birthday was always over spring break so I never really got to celebrate it. I can honestly recount every single birthday I’ve had since I met my boyfriend. A few of them have been disappointing and we’ve had issues with it before. He knows it’s important to me and the last few years he’s really tried to make it special.

A couple weeks ago his band’s manager posted on their instagram that they were going to be playing at Savannah Stopover which is March 7th-8th. This was the first I’d heard of it and my birthday is the 5th. It’s at least a day’s drive down there so I asked him if he was going to be gone for my birthday. I just wanted to be prepared if he was. He said no he should be home, and that was the start of a couple weeks on the road so they probably wouldn’t be leaving until the 7th or the 6th at the very earliest. I asked him if he was sure and he said he was pretty sure. 

This morning I brought it up again. He said he couldn’t imagine them leaving before the 6th and that he was pretty sure that was the start of the tour. I asked him point blank: “are you *really* not sure or do you know you’re going to be gone for my birthday and you just want to say?” He said “babe, I’m telling you what I know.” 

I took that to heart and started planning my birthday this afternoon. I texted my best friend who lives in Boston (and is also a flight attendant) and asked her if she wanted to come visit for for my bday. She of course said yes. I said to her “all I want for my birthday is to go to brunch and then day-drink and watch movies at home with you, boyfriend, and the kitties.”

The band has been recording some new songs about 30 min away from here. He left not long after our conversation. When he got home this evening this is the conversation we had:


me: I invited *bff* to come down for my birthday, I hope that’s okay.

bf: oooh about that. We have a show.

me: excuse me? what? we just talked about this less than 12 hours ago.

bf: yeah *band manager* reminded me today. we talked about it over email a few months ago and I totally forgot I said it was fine.

me: what? you just said today you didn’t have any shows before savannah stopover. how did you not only forget this conversation but also forget that’s my birthday!?

bf: sorry if was over email a few weeks ago and I just didn’t notice. 

me: seriously what the fuck I’ve asked you about this multiple times over the last few weeks.

bf: it wasn’t on purpose I didn’t even realize it was your birthday but even if I had I would have still said yes because it’s $1700 and we could use the money.

I was speechless at that. He tried to hug me and I told him to go to bed and he went upstairs. I’m downstairs drinking wine and stewing. My feelings are really hurt. He’s come down once since and didn’t say too much but suggested I could come to the show on my birthday and tried to hug me. I pushed him off and told him to go to bed.

Three years ago I went to New York for a show on my birthday and he didn’t tell anyone it was my birthday. It may as well have just been a regular day. I’m not trying to do that again. Not to mention the fact that we have cats now so if he’s gone and I go too then we have to get someone to take care of them. 


I don’t know where to go from here. I’m really upset and my feelings are really hurt. I realize this is definitely a first world problem but he knows how I feel about my birthday and could have done so many things differently to not make me feel so shitty. I really don’t think I’m the asshole here but I want to make sure before I make a big thing of it. If I’m the asshole here I’ll try to accept it and stop being upset at him. I know not everyone cares about their birthdays the way I do. 

Very interested in outside opinions. 

being mad that my boyfriend is missing my birthday