Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this actually happened today...  

i recently discovered that pure caffiene powder on the internet and thought that it sounded extremely useful.  i figured that it would be a good way to stop drinking coffee (which gives me heartburn) and provide some extra energy when needed.  it showed up in the mail last night and i used it for the first time this morning, the morning of the day that my girlfriend and i were scheduled to learn whether we are having a girl or boy.

a little back story before i get to the good stuff...  i have something called barrett's esophagus.  you can google it for details, but the tldr is that i've had bad enough acid reflux for long enough that i now have precancerous cells in my esophagus.  i also got a promotion recently and it came with a huge increase in responsibilty putting me in charge of several people and overseeing a lot of projects.  add to this the facts that i was a single father until i met my girlfriend, so i already have a 9 year old daughter, and my girlfriend is pregnant (and all the things that come with being pregnant) and i try to do my best to be in a good mood and not tired for her regardless of work.  you can probably see why pure caffeine seemed like a great idea...  

this morning when i got up, i went to the kitchen and opened up my new caffeine.  the label says that one scoop is 50mg and that i can have two a day...  i figure a teaspoon will do the trick and mix it with water, adding water and chugging until all the powder is gone.  after about 15 minutes i start to feel a bit anxious, but figure that this is normal and try to ignore it and go about my normal morning routine.  i get my daughter up, get her some cereal while she is getting dressed, and hop in the shower while she finishes getting ready for school.  by now i'm feeling kind of awful...  a bit dizzy, very anxious, and increasingly nauseated.  i start throwing up shortly after and realize that i might have made a mistake.

i send my daughter to the bus stop with her friends and their parents, sit on the couch, and try to stay calm.  my girlfriend gets up at this point and asks if i'm ok.  i tell her what i've done and she calls me an idiot.  i decide that maybe i can run it off.  i call a guy at work and let him know that i'll be late then change into workout clothes, head outside, and start running.

i come back home after a short run and after pacing for a bit, decide that i'm dying.  i tell my girlfriend to call 911 and stand outside to wait while puking my brains out.  the ambulance shows up and rushes me to the hospital where i get several bags of fluid, some zofran, and other stuff (don't remember a lot).

so...  what did i do wrong?  turns out that the bag comes with a scoop.  it's tiny, like really tiny.  instead of the 50mg i would get from the scoop, my teaspoon was more like 5000mg...  possibly more if there was bad caking.  definitely more caffeine than is healthy.

we still made it to our appointment.  my girlfriend decided that since i was taken care of medically, my misery was all on me and not really important.  i sucked it up and did my best to not ruin the appointment.  she is still mad at me, but hopefully i can live it down soon.  i think i'm already being punished enough because i still can barely keep anything down.

and to preempt the question, no, i'm not revealing the gender on here.  there is no telling who will see this and work it out and i'm in enough trouble already without ruining the surprise.

 


edit: to address everyone who is wondering about my angry girlfriend.  i agree that it is upsetting, but i need to drop a bit more history for you to understand.  the chance of her having a child was very, very low.  she has a whole host of reproductive problems and had already resignes herself to never having her own children...  this is a miracle for her and the only time she gets to experience it.  by putting myself in the hospital, because mistake or not, i did it, i messed with one of the most important days of the pregnancy.  she was concerned while i was in danger, but once the danger was judged as passed, she was angry.

TIFU by trying caffeine anhydrous for the first time on the same day that my girlfriend and I were scheduled for a gender reveal ultrasound.