Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: i've been lurking around here for a while now and just thought about (finally) sharing this tifu that happened a couple of years ago when i was still living with my mom. 

first, a short background on my mother. she's an addiction therapist. she's kind in most aspects of life, but whenever any drug is in the equation, she goes ballistic at making a point that she will never tolerate anyone around her (especially her son) doing drugs. she has made it a point my whole life that she will go old testament on my ass if she ever found out that i was consuming any kind of illegal drugs, including marijuana in her list of "thou shalt not..."

i found the joy of smoking weed sometime around my second year of college. it's the only "illegal" drug that i use. i smoke it quite often, especially in mornings. that craving for a 'wake and bake' calls out to me every morning like a siren's song. naturally, this resulted in a crippling fear of getting found out by my mom.

and so, on that fateful morning, i got exceptionally high wherein in the middle of my joint, nature came knock-knockin' on my ass. so i went to the toilet, pulled down my boxers, did the deed, wiped my ass and flushed the toilet. i didn't get up though. i just sat there on the toilet, naked waist down, and grabbed what was left of my joint (around a bit less than half, from what i can recall) and smoked like a king.

you see, i always locked my door at our house whenever i got home back then but for some inexplicable reason, like fate attempting to bitchslap my stoned ass for the heck of it, the door to my room was not locked that day. hell, i didn't even bother to completely close the my bathroom door (my room had its own bathroom).

so there i was, blazing high on the toilet seat when the thought of my sexy classmate who i partied with some nights ago came into mind. being that she (classmate) was really hot, my boner began to rise like an exogorth chasing the millennium falcon. i was ready to jack my mighty boner off.


fun fact about being high on weed: it makes you jumpy. a bit paranoid.

fun fact about me: i have this "tendency" to pee a little when i get surprised.


it gets a bit... graphic from here so i'll make it brief: i grabbed my dick and started jacking off slowly while smoking pot with my other hand. my imagination about my classmate then got really intense and in-depth which made me... for some reason, just stare at the tip of my penis while jacking it off, all with a slight gape on my stoned face. i was in the midst of a cosmically horny trance. i was so into mindlessly jacking off that i didn't notice my mom had entered my room. she caught me red-handed: a joint in one hand and the other vigorously rubbing my dick. a double whammy.

she shouted out my name asking what in god's name was i doing, but her shouting wasn't specifically what brought me back to reality. it wasn't specifically the shock of hearing her banshee-like shrill echo in my head either. i didn't even have the time to look at her. it was the consequence of the shock, wherein my bladder felt like it was falcon punched for a millisecond, and resulted in my penis forcing out a fine "shot" of piss straight into my mouth. think of those lasers that come out of those blasters that the characters of star wars used: minimize the size to a water-sized stream and substitute it with piss.

the realization that my penis shot my mouth with piss in front of my mom brought me back to reality so hard it was like i never even smoked at all. i whispered to myself or to that bitch called fate a horrified "no..." alongside a melancholic admission of total defeat and the fact that i may never be able to look at my mom straight in the face ever again.

needless to say, my mom was enraged. but she was even more disgusted at what happened than mad, which lessened my pre-ordained grounding from a life sentence to a few months.

as an extra bitchslap from fate, i now find it extremely awkward to be alone with my mom in any situation wherein neither of us is talking. i'm not a very social person even with family, so she's the one who usually talks first. and as time went by, that memory became an ironically fond one for her, much to my chagrin. i really just want a hole to open up and swallow me whole whenever she quips "hey, remember that time when you peed on your mouth?"

 

edit: some spelling errors.

TIFU by getting caught stoned and accidentally getting piss in my mouth.