Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: just got back from the emergency room.  what a night. 

some background:  my wife (27) and i (31) have recently gotten into swinging.  it's been a wild and crazy summer for sure, with enough sexual escapades for a lifetime.  she especially has been having a blast, since i'm the only man she's ever even kissed.  

we started out by meeting couples, then got into going to some nice exclusive swinging clubs and private parties.  tons of fun so far. only problem is that my erection usually doesn't last for more than 1 to 1.5 hours, but stamina-wise, i can go all night - especially in a club full of beautiful naked women. 

so...i got a little greedy.  i saw a urologist and told him i had erectile dysfunction.  he prescribed various pills, none of which seemed to prolong my hard-on. so the next step was injections straight into the side of the penis.  (i called it viagra in the post title, but actually it's called trimix. same effect though.)  i initially balked at the idea, but after doing some reading on this particular medication (it lasts several hours and makes your cock hard as a diamond), i gave it a second thought. 

so i filled the prescription and decided to give it a try last night.  (to answer a question i'm sure is many readers' minds, no, it's not very painful at all.)  so i got the wife on board for a night of marathon sex, injected myself, and almost instantly got the thickest and hardest erection i've ever experienced.  i almost didn't recognize my dick.  walking around the house with my massive shlong wagging around was great.  we had a great fuck-fest that had to be cut short, to two hours, only because she was getting sore...and so was i...

...and that's where things got dicey.  i came...twice...and it only got harder.  i started pouring cold water over it.  nothing.  i took four sudafed pills (as suggested online when you get an out-of-control erection).  nothing.  i started exercising major muscle groups, doing endless sets of push-ups, pull-ups, squats, etc. (also recommended online, in order to divert the blood).  nothing.  

three hours in, it was starting to really hurt...and i was starting to panic.  knowing that the medication came with a warning that prolonged erections lasting longer than 4 hours require emergency medical attention, i rushed to the er.  telling the elderly hispanic woman in triage what happened wasn't fun.  i was writhing in pain at this point, and my cock was so sensitive and painful, i *could not walk and required a wheelchair* because the sensation of it rubbing against my shorts as i walked was incredibly painful.  yes, i was awkwardly covering up my erection the entire time.  

eventually i got wheeled into a room.  i got two full doses of morphine before i calmed down a bit.  40 minutes later, a team of doctors and nurses came in.  the resident doctor was a young, cute indian woman who - unlike the others in the room who tried very hard to act serious - read me and the situation better and made it pretty clear that she thought this was all pretty hilarious and cheered me up immediately, by turns making fun of me and being very vaguely flirtatious. 

eventually they got a butterfly needle and proceeded to extract a stupendous amount of blood out of my cock, as the doctors took turns squeezing my dick like a lemon.  pics of cock, and jar of blood below, obviously nsfw:

http://imgur.com/a/gfyt7

needless to say, i'll be doing this again, starting at a third of the first dosage.

 



edit:  thank you for the gold, kind stranger. and i'm overwhelmed at all the adulation and admiration for my dick.  much appreciated. y'all should have seen it before it was drained. to clear up a popular misunderstanding though, that is not blood covering my dick. it's iodine and lidocaine.  

i'm happy to report that although my dick looks like it's been in a ufc fight (very black and blue from all the squeezing and needles from last night), it feels completely fine, and i've even been getting very hard, spontaneous erections throughout the day today.

TIFU by injecting Viagra into my penis