Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this just happened, and i'm currently in my bed huddled up in complete fear of my room.

i woke up half an hour ago, groggy from a lack of sleep during the night, needing to take a shower before i leave for my parent's house for father's day.  i get up finally to go to the bathroom.  now, i live in a dorm-style room off campus, so i have my room which includes a bed, desk, and kitchenette, and a small bathroom with just a toilet and standing shower.  it's small, but livable.  i'm also in grad school over the summer.

as i open the door, and open the toilet seat and begin to take my morning piss, out of the corner of my eye i see some movement.  i don't have my glasses on, so i freak out, as it starts moving along the wall.  a bug.  a spider?  either way i must find out and kill it.  a spider is no biggie to me anymore.  so, mid stream i grab my dick, squeeze, and stop myself from continuing, because i want this thing dead, and it'll take a while before i finish.  it could be gone before i'm done.

i open the bathroom door, dick in hand, grab my glasses from my desk and put them on.  then, i see it..  a centipede.  my least favorite bug, one that i cannot easily kill!  fuck!  so in my panic, still holding my dick, which is now paining me to want to finish pissing, i attempt to grab toilet paper, but i only grab a pinch because i can only use one hand.  then the centipede runs out the room.

i chase the thing down, but it escapes me, hiding underneath my laptop that's sitting just outside my bathroom.  not knowing what the hell i was doing, i stupidly decide to lift the laptop, and when i see the centipede moving from underneath i panic, scream a little, and let go.  piss everywhere.  it comes out for just a second before i wrangled it back into my hand, but it managed to get a few spots on the carpet wet...

i decided to just take my shower then, but everytime i saw anything moving or out of place i panicked and screamed.  this morning sucks.  when i got out, i even had my slippers on hand and when i put one slipper on, it had a string hanging inside and when i touched it i yelped, thinking it was the centipede.  now, i'm outta here.  i'm going to my parent's.  i need an adult.

 

edit:  i did clean up the piss, but i was paranoid the entire time i was on the floor doing so.  still no sign of the centipede...

TIFU by holding my dick during an attempted murder