Definition: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
Input: Text: this is kind of a two part fu.  the first part started almost ten years ago, when i married a rich woman twenty years older than me.  the second part happened today when i fucked her maid, broke my prenup, and probably will be out on the street with no money and no job.  in the faint hope that this doesn't come back to bite my ass, i've changed countries and names.

so back to the first fu.  i was 24 years old.  i had a banking job in ny, paid me enough to live on if not to live the high life.  i was a regular guy with good prospects.  one night i was out with friends at a club when i started chatting with a very sexy older woman.  she had a beautiful accent--argentine, i'd later find out.  i'd always had a bit of a cougar fantasy, and here it was.  i'd always had a bit of a latina fantasy, and here it was.  long story short, we wound up in her hotel room--an amazing suite looking over central park--and had amazing sex.  she took control of me, knew exactly how to push my buttons, and new exactly how to get me to push her buttons.

we met every night for a week.  she took me out to fancy restaurants and ordered bottles of wine that cost more than i earned in a week.  then we went to her hotel room and had amazing sex.  she did things to me that no woman had every done.  she tied me up.  she pegged me.  she basically turned me into her little boy toy.  i'd never done anything like this, never even thought about it, but i had better orgasms than ever before in my life.  so far no fu.

then she went back to argentina for a month.  i missed her terribly.  i couldn't focus on work, i wasn't interested in going out. basically i got massively depressed.  then she wrote to me and told me to join her in argentina.  she bought me a first class ticket and flew me down there.  by this time i'd figured out that she was massively wealthy.  she owned hundreds of square miles of land in patagonia and god knows what else.  she had an amazing estancia filled with maids and servants.  and she brought me in as her little boy toy.  i quit my job and i took on this new one, with relish.  that was a fu.

the big one was getting married.  after about two years of this, we got married.  basically she told me i was marrying her.  i don't really know why she wanted to marry me, since i was giving her what she wanted without that, but she told me i was going to be her husband. first she made me sign a prenup. it was pretty simple.  if we got divorced, i got $5m for every year we'd been married, or half her estate if that was smaller (which seemed pretty unlikely).  there was one clause in the prenup.  if i had sexual relationships with anyone except her, i got nothing.  i signed, we got married.

after a couple years, things started turning bad for me.  she lost interest in me.  she got new, younger, hotter boy toys.  she still had sex with me, but not as often.  sometimes not at all for a month.  she didn't talk to me very often.  there were other people around that i talked to, but the longer i stayed, there, the more i felt trapped.  it had been years since i had a job, so if i left her, no one would want to hire me.  i couldn't do anything except service her, and she didn't want my services any more.  my life basically sucked.  and it just got suckier and suckier.

anyway, about three years ago, with all the shit going on in argentina, she moved up to miami beach full time, and took me with her.  that's where i am now.  miami was a similar life.  she'd had her boy toys, i sat at home, worked out, tanned myself, and talked to the help.  she wouldn't even let me leave the house.

six months ago, things took a turn for the better.  she hired a new maid, from latvia.  kristiana was sweet, beautiful, you get the idea.  she spoke no english though, so i took it upon myself to teach her english (the first word i taught her was "potato," which made me laugh, but that's another story).  kristiana worked 8 hours a day, but stayed in the servants house which was just behind the main house where i ~~was kept~~ lived.  when she wasn't working, we talked.  you could feel the physical connection.  she was 19, just graduated high school, and had a bright curious eyes.  i was 34 by now, in great shape, and full of time.  i don't think she realized that i was completely useless in this household...she thought she had the attention of the lord of the manor.

so turn to this morning and my real fu.  my wife was back in argentina for a few days on some business.  i was alone in the house, sleeping later than normal.  when she is gone, i fall into a fantasy that all this is mine, that i'm not married, and so on.  anyway, i wake up to this feeling of a soft hand stroking my cheek.  it's kristiana.  i'm still not sure whether i'm dreaming or not, but i know i'm hard like a rock.  i don't even know how it happened, but a moment later her clothes are off and my cock is in her mouth.  i haven't had a blow job in ten years.  it feels **amazing**.  i pull her up to me, kiss her, and penetrate her.  i won't lie, i lasted about a minute.  it had been so long since i had normal sex, so long since i'd been with a young woman, so long that i'd been fantasizing about this gorgeous latvian girl.  as soon as i'm done, she gets up and leaves, like nothing happened.

i'm lying in bed in my post-orgasmic bliss.  i call to her, but she doesn't come back.  and then i start thinking.  my wife is a security freak.  the whole house is wired with security cameras.  my bedroom is wired.   the security team saw this.  my wife will know.  what if this was a setup?   i tried talking to javier, the head of security, but he ignored.  everyone is ignoring me.  i feel like a dead man walking.  she must know.  i'm going to lose everything.  no alimony. no job. no skills. no prospects.  today i fucked up.

** 

*edit* i asked the cook for something to eat.  usually she makes me a great salad on sunday afternoons.  she said "no" and asked why i hadn't yet packed my bags.  maybe i should pack a bag.

*edit 2* i was going crazy around the house, so i grabbed a small bag, threw some clothes in it (in case security was planning to lock me out) and went out to clear my head.  on my way out, javier, security boss, took my bag.  he apologized but he said "that's senora's orders" and sent me on my way with my phone and my wallet.  i asked him for a ride into town--we actually live (or should i say i actually lived) on a little island inside the bay, so its kind of a pain to go anywhere.  he said he couldn't.  javier's a nice guy :-(  anyway, i walked into miami beach and now i'm staring at the ocean and wondering how i got to this point.  fuck me.

*edit 3* my credit cards are cut off.  my bank card is cut off.  i have $24 in my wallet.  i sent messages texts to a few friends in the area, but they're not answering.  has my wife scared them off?  am i getting paranoid?  i also sent a message to kristiana trying to get some clarification about what's up.  also no response.

*edit 4* i got a text from a number i didn't know about half an hour ago (6:43pm).  message told me to go to a particular restaurant and ask for a waiter by name.  i did that.  the waiter gave me an envelope.  inside the envelope was $1000 in cash.  i guess someone i know is looking out for me?  i knew people were scared of my wife, but i didn't know how scared until now.  anyway, at least i can get dinner and a hotel tonight.

*edit 5* i'm in a hotel room finally.  $150 for the night.  getting them to check me in without a working credit card was a bit of an ordeal.  and its not the style i've gotten used to, but maybe the style i need to get used to.  at least i've been able to shower and shave.  

i wanted to clear up a big mistake, which is completely my fault.  i'm not supposed to get $5 million a year if we get divorced.  i'm due $500k.  i had $5 million in my head because we've been together almost ten years (married for eight) but sadly its only $500k a year.  i know that sounds like a lot, but believe me it is a lot less than i've been living on for the last ten years.  there are other things that aren't quite right in the story.  for example, my wife is not from argentina, but i don't want to say more because otherwise you guys would be able to figure out who she is.  and "kristiana"'s name is not kristiana.  please don't go in a witch hunt for maids named kristiana in miami beach!

i have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow morning at 9am.  it took me a while to find one who would work with me because my wife had all the ones i knew on retainer already.  and its easter.  we were married in her home country, so i'll probably need to get a lawyer there too.  i have no idea what that means for the prenup.

thanks for all the support here.  i appreciate it.  you've made me realize that, while i did some stupid things, i'm also a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship.  thanks reddit.

TIFU by sleeping with the Latvian maid and possibly losing everything