text: [Themes: Humor, hell]
  
  > Look around
  Garden Area (Actually hell)
  Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).
  
  A three-headed Cerberus sits atop the southern wall. That's new.
  
  Wally floats around here.
  
  > examine the faces
  The undergrowth is just a mass of gibbering, screaming faces! You can't make out anything coherent. Aww, they remind you so much of grandma.
  
  > ask Wally about Paul
  "What keeps me from killing you, again?"
  
  "I'm your spirit guide for this!" Wally floats over to the door and unlocks it. Great, your Vergil is a total ass.
  
  > talk to Wally
  "My past sucks! Why don't I just stay here?"
  
  "You could, but there's nothing here to do except maybe grab a bone from the chairs and throw them at the Cerberus. He's gotten quite good at catching them, too."
  
  > take the bone
  You collect a single bone from one of the chairs. Sadly, it doesn't collapse.
  
  > throw the bone at Cerberus
  (the bone at Cerberus)
  You toss the bone at Cerberus, and the middle, fire-breathing head catches it happily. The left head looks at it with contempt.
  
  > go to the north
  (first opening the glass door)
  "Ah, remember how you broke your mothers favorite vase? How sad she was? Do you feel that - the first time your parents where disappointed in you? It wasn't the last time you disappointed them, was it? Do you think they'd still be disappointed in you? If only you could REASSEMBLE it, maybe you could make some peace with your past."
  
  "Yeah, my parents pretty much sucked."
  
  The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.
  
  The shards of a broken vase lie on the kitchen counter.
  
  Wally arrives from the south.
  
  > look at the vase
  Some of these look rather sharp.
  
  > reassemble the vase
  With tears in your eyes, you remember how angry mum was. Soon, you have reassembled the vase. You feel a little better.
  
  > talk to Wally
  "Hey, if Paul's not here that means he's not death, right? Or he's gone to heaven. Both good news."
  
  "Yeah, my useless nephew escaped Mercury. He even took in that Venusian Warrior Woman from the last game. They share an apartment. But I don't think she's that good at cleaning. She'd need a real man to sort her out. Oh, yeah, and *mumble*
  
  > hit Wally
  You try to get at him, but you're hand goes right through him.
  
  > go north
  "Ah, this room is highly symbolic. See, your living room was once a busy and bustling center of this house. But in your memories, it's stale and empty. I wonder what that symbolizes?"
  
  "Stuff a hyperlink in it. What's with the teddy?"
  
  "Maybe you need to reconnect to your childhood? Try hugging it or something."
  
  This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.
  
  On one of the couches sits your old, childhood teddy bear.
  
  Wally arrives from the south.
  
  > examine the teddy
  You used to love him, but that was a long time ago. After a while, he really got on your nerves and you switched to new toys and never looked back. You remember fondly how your violent tendencies first manifested around him.
  
  > hug the teddy
  You gather up the old teddy in your arms. His furs still feels kinda prickly and artificial. It reminds you of the feather boa of a cross-dresser you used to date in high school. Wait, these aren't childhood memories at all. Abort, abort you quietly think to yourself. He had the nicest clothes, though. "Hey, hey" says Uncle Wally, "stop stroking that teddy like that!"
  With a sigh, you focus back on your childhood memories of your teddy. Good times. You feel a little better. The teddy disappears.
  
  > go to the south
  The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.
  
  The beautiful vase your mother owned stands on the counter.
  
  Wally arrives from the north.
  
  > Go north
  This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.
  
  Wally arrives from the south.
  
  > go to the west
  A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of burning human skulls. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room")
  
  Wally arrives from the east.
  
  > enter
  "Ah the nitro! Do you remember how you blew up your house and your sister broke her leg?"
  
  "Yes, that was AWESOME!"
  
  "Dude, she was in the hospital for months. She missed that ballet recital. Don't you feel the least bit guilty?"
  
  "Now she's married to that doctor."
  
  "A proctologist!"
  
  "It's a useful profession. Do grow up, Wally."
  
  "Torturing you isn't as much fun as I hoped."
  
  Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.
  
  On a shelf sits a vial of homemade Nitroglycerin.
  
  Wally arrives from the outside.
  
  > talk to Wally
  "What?"
  "Oh I said one of Frenesie's clones survived (she was the big bad from 2 games ago, remember?) and send an assassin after Paul."
  
  "An assassin?"
  
  "It's a person hired to kill others, but that's not important right now."
  
  "My husband is gonna get killed? YES THAT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT!"
  
  "Meh, you fags are all promiscuous anyway."
  
  > take the nitro
  Wally has better things to do.
  
  > Go outside
  A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of burning human skulls. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room")
  
  Wally arrives from the inside.
  
  > Go upwards
  Wally pats you on your back. "I feel like we've come a long way together, Alex. Now there is just one final step. You have to face what's possibly your worst memory."
  
  "Dying?"
  
  "No, the other one."
  
  "Almost being eaten by a kraken?"
  
  "No, your coming out, dammit!"
  
  "Oh yeah, that kinda sucked."
  
  "To forgive yourself, you have to forgive your dad. Why not give him a hug too, hm?"
  
  This looks like a cheap 50s movie set. There's a lot of fog in the background, and the rocks and plants look somewhat shi- er- shoddy. Two prominent gravestones frame  the scene.
  
  Your dad stands here, shotgun in the crook of his arm, watching your younger self dig.
  
  Your younger self, 17 or 18, stands here, digging his own grave. He seems unperturbed and even whistles a merry tune.
  
  Wally arrives from below.
  
  > hug the self
  (your younger self)
  The scene is almost insubstantial. It's odd, you don't remember clearly what happened. Only that you escaped somehow. Maybe the things here can make you remember?
  
  > look at the gravestones
  Which do you mean, Vonathan Vask's gravestone or The gravestone of parser based IF?
  
  > Parser
  It reads "1975-2007".
  
  > look at Vask
  It reads "Vonathan Vask - good riddance!" It looks rather light, too.
  
  > take Vask
  No, you are past your violent tendencies.
  
  > Punch dad
  The scene is almost insubstantial. It's odd, you don't remember clearly what happened. Only that you escaped somehow.
  
  > hug Dad
  You give your confused father a big old hug.
  
  "I'm sorry, Dad, I'm so sorry for everything I said and did..."
  
  He pats you on the back. "It's okay, son, it's okay. I'm so glad you came around to my point of view in the end."
  
  You hold him some more for an answer.
  
  "No, really, dad. You were right all... all along. I'll go to reassignment camp."
  
  > go north
  (first opening the glass door)
  It seems to be locked.
  
  "Hey Alex" says Uncle Wally. "How the hell have you been?"
  
  "What is this? Where am I?"
  
  "Hell, of course. You're gay, remember?"
  
  "You mean I'm not here because I was a sociopath and killed a lot of people for base motives?"
  
  "Could be. What do I know? I'm stuck here with you! It's my hell, too."
  
  > talk to Wally
  "So what's the deal here? Are we doomed to be here for all eternity?" "Wouldn't make much of a game now would it?" Wally points a thumb at the house. "You can get to purgatory if you face the darkest scenes from your past in the house."
  
  You roll your eyes. "What is this - Twine?"
  
  "C'mon, I thought gays like talking about their feelings."
  
  "I'm also a sociopath."
  
  "Sorry, humans are solely defined by their sexual orientation."
  
  "That's just sad."
  
  > Keep going
  (the bone)
  You already have that.
  
  > go to the north
  (first opening the glass door)
  
  The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.
  
  The shards of a broken vase lie on the kitchen counter.
  
  Wally arrives from the south.
  
  > take the vase
  You scramble through the shards with your fingers and select a particularly sharp one. Might come in handy. The rest of the shards disappear.
  
  "You failed the first task" says Wally, "better restore."
  
  > go north
  "Ah, this room is highly symbolic. See, your living room was once a busy and bustling center of this house. But in your memories, it's stale and empty. I wonder what that symbolizes?"
  
  "Stuff a hyperlink in it. What's with the teddy?"
  
  "Maybe you need to reconnect to your childhood? Try hugging it or something."
  
  This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.
  
  On one of the couches sits your old, childhood teddy bear.
  
  Wally arrives from the south.
  
  > talk to Wally
  "So, when I go through purgatory, can I be reincarnated and stop the assassin?"
  
  "Hey, you've just outrageously mixed up world religions."
  
  "So...yes?"
  
  Wally sighs, then shrugs. "Dunno, maybe."
  
  > examine the teddy
  You used to love him, but that was a long time ago. After a while, he really got on your nerves and you switched to new toys and never looked back. You remember fondly how your violent tendencies first manifested around him.
  
  > cut the teddy
  Angrily, you rip into the teddies belly and after a minute or so of happy tearing and cutting have it reduced to a heap of sawdust.
  
  "Hey!" says Wally, "what's with the violence? Do you think of this as healthy behavior?"
  
  "It is for me."