text: [Themes: Haunted  House, Satire, Afterlife]
  
  > Look around
  You're in a large, smelly dumpster, which is at the south end of a short alley. The dumpster is filled with disgusting, slimy trash. You can climb out into the alley.
  
  > Go east
  There's a large jackrabbit hopping around, foraging for food.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  There's nothing in that direction except more of the same empty field.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > go east
  You try to fight the undertow, but it's just too strong. It drags you underwater.
  
  > go to the north
  You're in an underwater cave, which is fully submerged. The only
  exit leads back into the lake to the south.
  You see a genuine jewel stone here.
  
  You notice that's it's been quite a while since you were able to inhale air. As you think about this, you become faint, and reach for something for support. After a few moments, though, you realize that, apart from the great discomfort of holding your breath for an extended period, you're quite capable of going on without breathing.
  
  > examine it
  It's a large, multi-faceted, clear blue jewel stone. It's attached to a gold chain, for wearing it around the neck.
  
  > go south
  You're underwater in the lake. To the north is a rocky wall, but there's an opening that could be the mouth of a cave. The rocky wall of the shore is to the west, but you can go east and south. You are well below the surface, but the lake floor is still a ways below.
  
  The undertow drags you down, away from the cave.
  
  You're deep underwater, just above the rocky bottom of the lake.
  The water is swirling violently around a depression in the rocky floor -- you realize that it's a whirlpool!
  
  > go north
  You're on the west bank of a river. The water pours rapidly over
  huge rocks in the river. A bridge crosses the river to the east. A narrow path climbs steeply up the hill to the northwest, and you can follow the river to the south.
  
  > Go east
  You're underwater in the lake. You are far below the surface, but
  the lake floor is still a ways below.
  
  The undertow drags you down toward the lake floor.
  
  > go to the south
  The undertow is too strong.
  
  The undertow drags you down, away from the cave.
  
  You're deep underwater, just above the rocky bottom of the lake.
  The water is swirling violently around a depression in the rocky floor -- you realize that it's a whirlpool!
  
  > Wear bracelet
  Okay, you're no longer wearing the genuine silver ring.
  
  Okay, you're now wearing the genuine gold bracelet. A feeling of strength and safety falls over you.
  
  > Go north
  You're on the west bank of a river. The water pours rapidly over
  huge rocks in the river. A bridge crosses the river to the east. A narrow path climbs steeply up the hill to the northwest, and you can follow the river to the south.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You're on a path that climbs up a sheer cliff face. The path goes
  down to the river to the southeast, and climbs steeply to the southwest.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  > go to the northwest
  You're on a steeply climbing path near the top of a cliff. The path descends to the northeast, and continues to the west.
  
  You're in a narrow passage among the rocks. You can squeeze through
  to the east and northwest.
  
  You're fairly high up on the side of the mountain -- you'd guess
  that you're around two thousand feet up. (Have you noticed that they use the English system of measurements in Hell? What else would you expect?)  You can go down the mountain to the west, and the volcano's cone looms above to the east. A small opening appears to lead into a cave to the south. You can also travel along a path to the north, and a narrow passage to the southeast.
  You have an excellent view of Hell from here. The tall buildings downtown all seem tiny from this distance and altitude, except for the Tower -- even from here, you can't see the top. The Tower looks like a thin, gleaming string stretching from the ground up into the dark sky. As your eyes follow the Tower up into the sky, you realize that you're high enough above the surface now that you can see stars above -- so many stars, all so bright, that it's quite well lit here.
  
  > go to the north
  You manage to wade a little further toward the island, but as you do, you feel freezing cold, as though you were embedded in a block of ice, and you are unable to get any further.
  
  > Wear jewel
  Okay, you're no longer wearing the genuine gold bracelet.
  
  Okay, you're now wearing the genuine jewel stone. A feeling of strength and safety falls over you.
  
  > go to the north
  You manage to wade a little further toward the island, but as you do, a terrible burst of searing heat shoots through your body, as though your clothes were on fire, and you are unable to get any further.
  
  > Go upwards
  You can't go that way.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  > Poker
  Attacking the rabbit doesn't appear productive.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > wait
  Time passes...
  
  > enter the shield
  You put the heat shield in the lava -- it floats on the flowing lava, and seems easily able to withstand the heat. You hold onto it so it doesn't float away.
  
  Okay, you're now in the heat shield.
  
  The lava flow starts to carry you downstream.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  The swift river of lava sweeps you downstream to the east.
  
  Bend in River, in the heat shield
  The river of lava turns from east to south here.
  
  > Go west
  You're not going anywhere until you get off of the heat shield.
  
  You're carried rapidly to the south by the flowing lava.
  
  River of Lava, in the heat shield
  The river of lava is flowing through the cave swiftly to the south.
  To the west is a shore that appears to open into a cave. The cave has many stalagmites sticking up from its floor; one particularly large stalagmite right on the shore -- only about ten feet away from you -- is at least three feet tall.
  There's a faint light downstream, and you hear a loud rushing noise from the south.
  
  > jump
  Wheeee!
  
  > Go east
  You try to get back into the lavafall, but the pressure of the lava pushes you back. You're just as happy to stay out of the molten rock, anyway.
  
  > go south
  A woman is here.
  
  Someone near the center of the room raises his hand. "Yes, you near the center," the woman says, pointing to him.
  "I'm a very rich individual and I refuse to be treated in this
  manner. I've made charitable contributions all my life, and we've never beaten the help -- not when they didn't deserve it, anyway, the lazy bastards. This is an outrage! You can be sure you will be hearing from my lawyer! What do you have to say for yourself?" he asks.
  The woman responds, "I'm sure you have a very good case. However,
  I'm afraid that the legal system in Hell is based on the United States judicial system. So, as you must know, the courts are so overloaded with frivolous lawsuits that legitimate claims, such as yours undoubtedly is, cannot be accepted. Any lawsuit found to have merit is immediately and summarily dismissed. There are some very good personal injury lawyers that you might wish to contact, though."
  
  > go to the east
  The boat's pilot is here, operating the controls.
  
  > ask the captain about the boat
  "This is a very nice boat, don't you think? We used to use a small rowboat, but lots of people complained that the passage to the afterlife should be a little nicer. Besides, with more people dying these days, it was getting crowded."
  
  > ask the bartender for the whiskey
  "Right away!" He gets out a small glass and pours you a drink. He hands you the glass.
  
  The technician plows through another mug of beer.
  
  > drink the whiskey
  You drink the glass of liquor all at once. It's very good. You notice a slight alcoholic buzz, but it clears fairly quickly. After you finish, the glass vanishes into thin air.
  
  The technician plows through another mug of beer.
  
  > Go north
  A woman is here.
  
  Someone at the rear of the room raises her hand. "Yes, you at the rear," the woman says, pointing to her.
  "I used to drive nitro-burning ground-pounding six-second funny
  cars. Is there any chance that I'll be able to shake hands with the devil while I scream through the gates of Hell?" she asks.
  The woman responds, "I'm afraid that, due to the volume of new immigrants, the devil is unable to personally greet each new arrival."
  
  > Go west
  A shopkeeper is here waiting to help you.
  The shop keeper greets you as you walk in. "How may I help you?"
  he asks cheerfully.
  
  > look at the ivory
  The carving depicts what looks like a rowboat. It's attached to a gold chain for wearing it around the neck.
  
  > Lasso rabbit
  (with the rope)
  You clumsily throw the rope at the rabbit, and miss by a mile. You obviously need some practice at this.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > continue
  You throw the rope at the rabbit with a little more confidence, but the rabbit still easily evades the rope.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > Keep going
  You nearly catch the rabbit this time. Maybe with a little more practice, you could snare it.
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > Continue
  You manage to catch the rabbit in the loop at the end of the rope! You now feel quite confident with the rope. (Wow! Character development in a text adventure! What will they think of next?)  While you're standing there feeling smug, the rabbit wriggles its way out of the rope and runs off.
  
  > Lasso stalagmite
  (with the rope)
  Your throw the rope at the stalagmite with a practiced aim. The loop at the end of the rope hooks around the stalagmite. You easily pull yourself to shore, get out of the heat shield, and untie the rope.
  
  You're on the shore of a lava river, which flows by to the east.
  There is no exit from this cave apart from the river.
  You see a genuine gold disk here.
  
  > examine the stalagmite
  The particularly tall stalagmite is at least three feet tall.