text: > look at your surroundings
  The heart of Santaland and the destination of families from miles around. It's not your destination, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that parents and children have for years made pilgrimages to this spot to have their pictures taken with Santa Claus.
  
  Santa's big comfy chair stands in the center of the room. It's a dramatic affair, a throne really: lots of ostentatious gold-painted filigree and red velvet pillows.
  
  Next to Santa's chair is a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. There are no presents beneath the tree, perhaps to better display the colorful decorative tree skirt underneath.
  
  > examine the chair
  Santa's chair, the place where untold numbers of children have screamed and wet themselves in terror. It's a dramatic piece of furniture with lots of gold decoration and red velvet pillows.
  
  The chair stands on a short, square platform which, as you saw when you first entered the room, is actually a trap door that conceals a stairway. The platform is marred with a bunch of scuff marks.
  
  > examine the pillows
  Up close, Santa's chair looks pretty cheap. You're sure it looks impressive in all of those holiday portraits, though.
  
  > open the trap door
  The chair doesn't move other than to wobble a bit. As it does, though, you hear the rattling of some kind of locking mechanism coming from the front of the chair. Beneath it, actually, down by the floor.
  
  > look at the snow
  The "snow" appears to be some kind of styrofoam shavings. Whatever it is, static electricity has it clinging to your pantlegs.
  
  > examine the lock
  You can't see any locking mechanism on the outside of Santa's chair. From the noise, it sounds like whatever it is works from the inside, under the chair. There must be some other means of unlocking it. Something sneaky, you suspect.
  
  > go north
  Yeeouch. What a smell.
  
  Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a real, live reindeer living in Santaland for a month must have been fired (or should have been, based on the state of this place). There's a little rustic barn, a trough, and a few synthetic pine trees... and everything is coated with some combination of feces, oats, reindeer dander, and fake snow.
  
  However: mounted in the wall next to the barn glisters a shiny golden panel. It's just like the other two you found, but with a little added filth.
  
  The reindeer scratches at the astroturf with his hoof.
  
  > examine the gold panel
  The upper part of the shiny panel frames a thin, horizontal window of glass. Beneath the window is a dial. A word, written in fancy calligraphy, is visible in the window: "Dancer".
  
  > look at the reindeer
  (the animal)
  The reindeer's shaggy hair is mostly a dull brown, but lighter around its neck. He also has an impressive and, frankly, dangerous-looking rack of antlers. Otherwise, he seems a bit bored.
  
  > Pet reindeer
  Which do you mean, the animal, the gold reindeer statue, or the silver reindeer statue?
  
  > Animal
  The reindeer growls when you reach for him. Better to keep your distance.
  
  > turn the dial
  As you reach for the dial, the reindeer growls at you. He doesn't seem to like the idea of your touching the gold panel.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  the fancy tree skirt
  the gold reindeer statue and silver reindeer statue
  a scented candle (closed)
  an impenetrable super-plastic package (inside which is a flashlight)
  a Hickory Farms gift box (closed)
  
  > examine the gift box
  The Hickory Farms Sausage and Cheese gift box is $35.99 worth of artery-clogging goodness. "A great combo of rich and savory flavors," the box claims. Uncle Felix is sure to love it.
  
  > Kick animal
  Have you no conscience? Violence isn't the answer to this one.
  
  > show the candle to the animal
  The reindeer sniffs around the lid of the candle and seems interested. At least, he seems a little less bored than usual.
  
  > open the candle
  You open the scented candle and immediately it begins making your eyes water with its piney, musky reek. Who'd have thought it could smell any worse in here?
  
  It takes a moment for the smell to reach the reindeer, but when he finally gets a whiff of "Winter Wonderland" he lets out a snort that you somehow interpret as glee. The reindeer eyes you, and your smelly candle, with a passionate and unnerving intensity.
  
  > drop the candle
  Dropped.
  
  > turn the dial
  As you reach for the dial, the reindeer snorts angrily. Despite being somewhat more docile when he can smell that hideous candle, he still doesn't seem to like the idea of your touching the gold panel.
  
  > go south
  Drawn to the piney, musky scent of the candle, the reindeer lopes after you!
  
  The heart of Santaland and the destination of families from miles around. It's not your destination, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that parents and children have for years made pilgrimages to this spot to have their pictures taken with Santa Claus.
  
  Santa's big comfy chair stands in the center of the room. It's a dramatic affair, a throne really: lots of ostentatious gold-painted filigree and red velvet pillows.
  
  Next to Santa's chair is a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. There are no presents beneath the tree, perhaps to better display the colorful decorative tree skirt underneath which was, until recently, spread out beneath it.
  
  The reindeer studies you carefully.
  
  > go north
  Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a real, live reindeer living in Santaland for a month must have been fired (or should have been, based on the state of this place). There's a little rustic barn, a trough, and a few synthetic pine trees... and everything is coated with some combination of feces, oats, reindeer dander, and fake snow.
  
  Mounted in the wall next to the barn glisters a shiny golden panel. It's just like the other two you found, but with a little added filth.
  
  > examine the gold statue
  Cast in solid gold, the reindeer figure stands about six inches tall at the shoulder. The sculpture is unmistakably of Rudolph the reindeer. His nose isn't red (it's gold, like the rest of him), yet the sculptor has somehow made it seem to glow. It's also somewhat more bulbous than you'd expect to see on a reindeer, which is a bit of a giveaway.
  
  > go south
  The heart of Santaland and the destination of families from miles around. It's not your destination, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that parents and children have for years made pilgrimages to this spot to have their pictures taken with Santa Claus.
  
  Santa's big comfy chair stands in the center of the room. It's a dramatic affair, a throne really: lots of ostentatious gold-painted filigree and red velvet pillows.
  
  Next to Santa's chair is a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. There are no presents beneath the tree, perhaps to better display the colorful decorative tree skirt underneath which was, until recently, spread out beneath it.
  
  The reindeer is licking at the wax in the scented candle.
  
  > Go north
  Drawn to the piney, musky scent of the candle, the reindeer shambles after you!
  
  Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a real, live reindeer living in Santaland for a month must have been fired (or should have been, based on the state of this place). There's a little rustic barn, a trough, and a few synthetic pine trees... and everything is coated with some combination of feces, oats, reindeer dander, and fake snow.
  
  Mounted in the wall next to the barn glisters a shiny golden panel. It's just like the other two you found, but with a little added filth.
  
  The reindeer stares at you (and your scented candle) with great interest.
  
  > Go south
  The heart of Santaland and the destination of families from miles around. It's not your destination, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that parents and children have for years made pilgrimages to this spot to have their pictures taken with Santa Claus.
  
  Santa's big comfy chair stands in the center of the room. It's a dramatic affair, a throne really: lots of ostentatious gold-painted filigree and red velvet pillows.
  
  Next to Santa's chair is a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. There are no presents beneath the tree, perhaps to better display the colorful decorative tree skirt underneath which was, until recently, spread out beneath it.
  
  > examine the skirt
  The nine reindeer have been beautifully rendered by the hand of an expert rug maker. The reindeer are not identified (except for Rudolph, whose nose gives him away), but they stand in single file between Rudolph and Santa's present filled sleigh.
  
  The four reindeer behind Rudolph are standing on their back legs as though ready to leap into the air. The next four have all hooves on the ground.
  
  Alternating pairs of reindeer wear different decorations: the first two reindeer behind Rudolph have holly wreaths around their necks. The next two wear collars clustered with jingle bells. The third pair again wear wreaths. The last two reindeer again wear bells.
  
  Every other reindeer, starting with the one behind Rudolph, has an impressive rack of antlers. The antlers of the other reindeer are smaller.
  
  > go east
  Here kids can (beg their parents to) pay an additional $5 to have their picture taken aboard the H&O Railroad. In other malls, you recall seeing Santaland setups with working trains chugging along through their little Santa-scapes, but this one seems much less elaborate.
  
  In the hedge wall to the south stands the stony arch of a tunnel. From the tunnel emerges a narrow set of train tracks. The tracks run north across the turf and slip under a closed door in the hedge.
  
  The facade of a little ticket booth stands next to the tunnel.
  
  > Go west
  You are at the narrow, snowy intersection of several passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the south (back to Santa's workshop), the west (back to the room with the copper panel), and the east (back to Santa's chair and its trap door).
  
  At the base of the hedge, you spot a pink piece of paper half-buried in the synthetic snow.
  
  > examine paper
  You pick up the paper and discover that, despite being printed on pink paper, it's a rather official-looking letter:
  
  Dear Jerry,
  
  As we discussed on Tuesday, recent economic conditions have caused us to eliminate several positions at the workshop. Regretfully, although your toy-crafting has always been of the highest caliber, we were forced to downsize your position.
  
  Accordingly, your employment will be terminated on December 22nd. Your medical insurance plan will also be discontinued at that time. Unfortunately, given our dire financial straits, we will be unable to offer any severance package.
  
  I am happy to provide you a letter of reference, however, if you so request.
  
  Sincerely,
  S. Nicholas
  
  > look at the booth
  The facade is just a prop attached to the holly hedge. There's a little fake ticket window with a sign hanging on the inside that reads "Back soon!" The H&O Railroad logo is painted on the wall of the booth next to the window, and under that there is a train schedule posted.
  
  > look at the schedule
  The schedule simply reads: North Pole trains depart regularly.
  
  > look at the tracks
  The train tracks run north and south, cutting about ten feet across the astroturf. To the north, they disappear under an wooden door with a fluted glass doorknob. To the south, they lead into the tunnel.
  
  > look at the tunnel
  The fake-stone surround of the tunnel is made from something like styrofoam or papier-mâché. It is set in the hedge wall to the south and a narrow set of train tracks runs north out of it.
  
  > examine the door
  A wooden door with a fluted glass doorknob. It seems very out of place in the middle of a hedge (even a fake hedge). The train tracks disappear under it.
  
  > take the doorknob
  That's hardly portable.
  
  > open the door
  It seems to be locked.
  
  > Go south
  You've worked your way pretty deep into the tunnel and it is really too dark to see anything. The opening of the tunnel is to the north and a bit of light filters in from the mall, but just enough for you to find your way back out.
  
  > open the flashlight
  It seems it won't be so easy. This is that Fort Knox plastic that's going to require some kind of a blade to get into.
  
  > throw the flashlight
  Careful. Dropping the impenetrable super-plastic package here in the dark would be a particularly bad idea.
  
  > go north
  Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a real, live reindeer living in Santaland for a month must have been fired (or should have been, based on the state of this place). There's a little rustic barn, a trough, and a few synthetic pine trees... and everything is coated with some combination of feces, oats, reindeer dander, and fake snow.
  
  Mounted in the wall next to the barn glisters a shiny golden panel. It's just like the other two you found, but with a little added filth.
  
  The reindeer seems to be trying to stick his nose into the scented candle.
  
  > rub the candle
  You'll have time to clean it up when you get home.
  
  > take the candle
  You pick up the candle and discover that it is slick with reindeer drool. Excellent.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a scented candle (open and stinking up the place with its piney,
  musky reek)
  the letter
  the fancy tree skirt
  the gold reindeer statue and silver reindeer statue
  an impenetrable super-plastic package (inside which is a flashlight)
  a Hickory Farms gift box (closed)
  
  > open the flashlight with the reindeer statue
  Which do you mean, the gold reindeer statue or the silver reindeer statue?
  
  > open the gift box
  You open the Hickory Farms gift box, revealing a summer sausage, a cheese log, a serrated knife, and a bunch of straw.
  
  > open the flashlight with the knife
  (first taking the serrated knife)
  After a moment's pause, you decide that you can still give the flashlight as a gift even if it's not in the original packaging (let's hope Aunt Maxine doesn't want to return it) and saw your way through the not-so-impenetrable-after-all plastic with the serrated knife.
  
  > turn on the flashlight
  (first taking the flashlight)
  Nothing happens, most probably because there are no batteries in the flashlight.
  
  > go to the south
  Drawn to the piney, musky scent of the candle, the reindeer shuffles after you!
  
  The heart of Santaland and the destination of families from miles around. It's not your destination, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that parents and children have for years made pilgrimages to this spot to have their pictures taken with Santa Claus.
  
  Santa's big comfy chair stands in the center of the room. It's a dramatic affair, a throne really: lots of ostentatious gold-painted filigree and red velvet pillows.
  
  Next to Santa's chair is a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. There are no presents beneath the tree, perhaps to better display the colorful decorative tree skirt underneath which was, until recently, spread out beneath it.
  
  The reindeer studies you carefully.
  
  > Close candle
  You close the scented candle and the fir-tree-plus-wet-fur funk gradually begins to dissipate.
  
  After a few seconds, the reindeer goes back to ignoring you.
  
  > open the candle
  You open the scented candle and immediately it begins stinking up the place with its piney, musky reek.
  
  Again: It takes a moment for the smell to reach the reindeer, but when he finally gets a whiff of "Winter Wonderland" he emits a grunt of joy (or what sounds to you vaguely like joy). The reindeer eyes you, and your smelly candle, with a passionate and unnerving intensity.
  
  > go north
  Drawn to the piney, musky scent of the candle, the reindeer shambles after you!
  
  Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a real, live reindeer living in Santaland for a month must have been fired (or should have been, based on the state of this place). There's a little rustic barn, a trough, and a few synthetic pine trees... and everything is coated with some combination of feces, oats, reindeer dander, and fake snow.
  
  Mounted in the wall next to the barn glisters a shiny golden panel. It's just like the other two you found, but with a little added filth.
  
  The reindeer studies you carefully.
  
  > Go south
  You are at the intersection of several snowy, narrow passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the west (back to Santa's workshop), the south (back to the room with the silver panel), and the north (back to Santa's chair and its trap door).
  
  > go to the east
  You are at the snowy, narrow intersection of several passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the west (back to the train depot) and the north.
  
  In the wall to the east is a door that someone has tried, unsuccessfully, to camouflage. Bits of fake holly are stuck to it, but not enough that it blends in with the rest of the hedges. Plus, they did nothing to hide the shiny doorknob.
  
  > examine the holly
  The "hedges" are about ten feet high and covered in waxy, plastic holly leaves.
  
  > examine the doorknob
  Someone has tried, but not very hard, to camouflage the door. Bits of fake holly are stuck to it, but not enough that it could ever blend in with the rest of the hedges. The door is closed.
  
  > open the door
  You open the camouflaged door.
  
  > go east
  This was the break room for the Santaland elves (meaning: the human teenagers who worked here in Santaland during their winter breaks from school). Once, this might have been an okay place to hang out with your fellow slackers and talk about how lame all of this Santaland junk is, but now the room has been trashed, even by teenage slacker standards.
  
  All of the drawers in the rickety desk have been dumped out onto the floor. Everything has been swept off the short rack of shelves: a scattering of magazines, a potted plant, a whole bunch of cup-o-noodle instant lunches. A can of ground coffee was opened, dug through, and dropped.
  
  Hmm. Coffee, but no coffee pot. Instant noodles, but no microwave. A TV remote control but no TV. It seems that all of the appliances have, shall we say, walked off. Wonder who might be responsible for that...
  
  In the wall to the west is the door back into Santaland.
  
  > examine remote
  The remote control for the TV that was stolen from the break room.
  
  > open the remote
  (first taking the TV remote control)
  You snap open the battery compartment on the TV remote control, remove the pair of AA batteries, and click the compartment closed.
  
  > take the noodles
  There's all sorts of post-looting debris here. None of it seems to be of much use.
  
  > put the batteries in the flashlight
  You put the pair of AA batteries into the flashlight and snap shut the battery compartment.
  
  > Go west
  You are at the snowy, narrow intersection of several passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the west (back to the train depot) and the north.
  
  In the wall to the east is a door that someone has tried, unsuccessfully, to camouflage. Bits of fake holly are stuck to it, but not enough that it blends in with the rest of the hedges. Plus, they did nothing to hide the shiny doorknob.
  
  > go north
  AHA! You knew you'd find it eventually!
  
  You stand on the border between Santaland and the rest of the world, where the maze of fake shrubbery finally gives way to shiny, angular architecture. Who'd have thought you would be so happy to once again see polished PVC flooring.
  
  The mall exit lies just to the north: two sets of shiny glass doors and then freedom.
  
  > go to the south
  You are at the snowy, narrow intersection of several passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the west (back to the train depot) and the north (back toward the mall exit).
  
  In the wall to the east is a door that someone has tried, unsuccessfully, to camouflage. Bits of fake holly are stuck to it, but not enough that it blends in with the rest of the hedges. Plus, they did nothing to hide the shiny doorknob.
  
  > Go west
  Here kids can (beg their parents to) pay an additional $5 to have their picture taken aboard the H&O Railroad. In other malls, you recall seeing Santaland setups with working trains chugging along through their little Santa-scapes, but this one seems much less elaborate.
  
  In the hedge wall to the south stands the stony arch of a tunnel. From the tunnel emerges a narrow set of train tracks. The tracks run north across the turf and slip under a closed door in the hedge.
  
  The facade of a little ticket booth stands next to the tunnel.
  
  > turn on the flashlight
  You switch the flashlight on.
  
  > go to the south
  The plaster cave, you are somewhat disappointed to note (now that you've got a light in here), is just a dead end. The narrow train tracks terminate here and lead north out of the tunnel.
  
  A cartoony, brightly-colored locomotive sits on the tracks. It is large enough for two kids (or perhaps one adult) to sit on.
  
  On the ground behind the locomotive sits a small electric generator.
  
  > examine the locomotive
  The locomotive is a rideable kid-sized version, which means you can mount the train (and, once you are on the thing, dismount it).
  
  > Mount train
  You mount the locomotive. You're a bit bigger than the usual clientele, but you manage to find a comfortable-enough way to straddle it.
  
  > Examine generator
  A small electric generator sits on the ground behind the locomotive. The two devices are coupled together and, you gather, the generator is the power source for the vehicle. It is completely silent.
  
  > turn on the generator
  With a hum and a puff of ozone, the generator powers up.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes.
  
  > Dismount
  You dismount the locomotive.
  
  > look at the generator
  A small electric generator sits on the ground behind the locomotive. The two devices are coupled together and, you gather, the generator is the power source for the vehicle. It hums softly.
  
  > Mount train
  You mount the locomotive.
  
  > Ride train
  You are already riding the locomotive.
  
  > drive the train
  To operate the locomotive, mount it and then GO or DRIVE in a direction.
  
  > go north
  Depot (on the locomotive)
  Here kids can (beg their parents to) pay an additional $5 to have their picture taken aboard the H&O Railroad. In other malls, you recall seeing Santaland setups with working trains chugging along through their little Santa-scapes, but this one seems much less elaborate.
  
  In the hedge wall to the south stands the stony arch of a tunnel. From the tunnel emerges a narrow set of train tracks. The tracks run north across the turf and slip under a closed door in the hedge.
  
  The facade of a little ticket booth stands next to the tunnel.
  
  > go north
  The train chugs toward the quaint wooden door. Just as collision seems inevitable, the door pops open and the train plows headlong not into the mall, as you would have expected, but into a long dark corridor.
  
  The train continues through the disorienting darkness for some time, then suddenly emerges (you're not quite sure how) into startling territory.
  
  Snowy Landscape (on the locomotive)
  You find yourself in the middle of a grove of pine trees with the full expanse of the night sky opening above you. A full moon shines down and sparkles off the fluffy foot of snow coating the landscape, and the fat flakes that continue to fall lazily.
  
  A red and white striped signpost juts out of the snow bearing a snow-flecked sign.
  
  Nearby stands a small building.
  
  > examine signpost
  The sign, in a sort of chunky, old-timey lettering reads: NORTH POLE.
  
  > examine the building
  The charming cabin seems to hunch itself contentedly in the snow, nesting like some furry arctic animal. It has a steep, shingled roof and dark wooden siding which frames a door and a window. Smoke drifts from the chimney. Icicles hang from the eaves.
  
  > open the door
  You climb off the locomotive and approach the workshop door.
  
  You are, by this point in your evening, less than totally surprised to find that the door to the little cabin is locked.
  
  > unlock door
  Nothing you have would seem to be a candidate for unlocking this door.
  
  > examine the door
  The cabin door is nothing particularly interesting. Very practical and tight-fitting.
  
  > look at the window
  The simple four-pane window has thick glass. Through it you can see the inside of the cabin.
  
  > open the window
  The window is tightly fitted into its frame to protect against the weather. You can't open it from out here.
  
  > break the window
  Yes, you're starting to get desperate, but vandalism? You'd be getting coal in your stocking until you're in a home.
  
  > look through the window
  You peer through the window into the cabin and see a cozy sort of den. To the left of the window, an overstuffed armchair stands by a crackling fireplace. To the right, there is a large work table with papers scattered across it. On the table stands a reindeer statue made of what appears to be copper.
  
  > examine the statue
  Which do you mean, the gold reindeer statue, the silver reindeer statue, or the copper reindeer statue?
  
  > look at the copper statue
  Crafted of shiny copper, the reindeer (like the other statues) is about six inches tall at the shoulder. You can practically hear the jingle bells on the reindeer's collar as it begins a jump into the air. The poised muscles of the leaping stag are as carefully sculpted as the elaborate antlers.
  
  > examine the skirt
  The nine reindeer have been beautifully rendered by the hand of an expert rug maker. The reindeer are not identified (except for Rudolph, whose nose gives him away), but they stand in single file between Rudolph and Santa's present filled sleigh.
  
  The four reindeer behind Rudolph are standing on their back legs as though ready to leap into the air. The next four have all hooves on the ground.
  
  Alternating pairs of reindeer wear different decorations: the first two reindeer behind Rudolph have holly wreaths around their necks. The next two wear collars clustered with jingle bells. The third pair again wear wreaths. The last two reindeer again wear bells.
  
  Every other reindeer, starting with the one behind Rudolph, has an impressive rack of antlers. The antlers of the other reindeer are smaller.
  
  > go to the south
  Yes, you came from the south, but now the train tracks stretch on for what seems like miles in that direction. Surely you can't make it on foot (especially without your coat).
  
  > Mount train
  You mount the locomotive.
  
  > Go south
  As the locomotive starts along the track, a sudden gust of wind whips up a white wall of snow. A moment later you find yourself back in the mall, a shower of styrofoam shavings drifting to the floor around you.
  
  Depot (on the locomotive)
  Here kids can (beg their parents to) pay an additional $5 to have their picture taken aboard the H&O Railroad. In other malls, you recall seeing Santaland setups with working trains chugging along through their little Santa-scapes, but this one seems much less elaborate.
  
  In the hedge wall to the south stands the stony arch of a tunnel. From the tunnel emerges a narrow set of train tracks. The tracks run north across the turf and slip under a closed door in the hedge.
  
  The facade of a little ticket booth stands next to the tunnel.
  
  > Dismount
  You dismount the locomotive.
  
  > go west
  You are at the narrow, snowy intersection of several passages.
  
  From here, pathways lead to the south (back to Santa's workshop), the west (back to the room with the copper panel), and the east (back to Santa's chair and its trap door).
  
  > go west
  This corner of Santaland would be indistinguishable from the neighboring passages were it not for an unexpected feature (less unexpected than it would have been earlier, though, since you have already seen something just like it).
  
  Mounted in the fake hedge-wall you see a glinting copper panel.
  
  > Continue
  You turn the dial and the word "Dancer" appears in the window.
  
  Faintly, a little chime plays somewhere to the north. It's over before you can really catch it, but it was either "Ha-a-a-le-lu-jah!" from Handel's Messiah or "Fi-i-i-ve Go-o-o-ld Rings", you can't be sure. Anyhow, you take it as a good sign.
  
  > open the chair
  You push against Santa's big comfy chair and the platform tips slowly back on a hidden hinge. Beneath the chair, a stairway leads downwards.