text: [Themes: modern]
  
  You have no desire to go get a job, but you decide you'd better make the effort. Tina suggests that you could go to Billy Ray's Burgers since he's always hiring, but you're loathed to work in that shithole.
  
  Maybe you should try the Big Jim's Repair Shop, though you don't really want to work for that miserable bastard either.
  
  Your cousin Clem always said you could help him with his Pig Farm, but you're not sure if you want to put up with his wife. You already have to deal with one bitch at home, you don't feel like dealing with one at work too.
  
  Speaking of which, Tina also suggests that they need a new bouncer at her strip club, Kitty City. Wow, working with your girlfriend, joy joy joy...
  
  Of course there's always odd jobs you could do around the trailer park and pick up metal scraps to sell to the junkyard, the problem there is trying to make enough money doing it to appease Tina.
  
  > go to Cousin Clem's
  You don't particularly care for Clem, let alone his fat bitch wife Bertha, but if you have to work, might as well be for family. You get in your truck and prepare yourself for a family reunion of sorts. On your way there, you just realized you'll have to put up with his retard son and his bratty daughter as well. Fuck! Well it's been awhile since you've seen them, so maybe his daughter isn't a brat anymore; of course his son is most likely still a retard.
  
  You eventually get to Clem's pig farm. Clem sees you and greets you with a bear crushing hug. He's dressed in overalls and boots. He REEKS of month old pig shit and entrails and is covered in them as well.
  
  "Well howdy there Cousin Mel! What brings you out to these parts?"
  "Holy fuck Clem!" you say pushing him off of you. "You ever hear of a fuckin' bath?"
  "Har har! Same ol' citified Mel! That trailer park got you spoiled, with that indoor plummin' I'll tell you what! You still with that pretty li'l girl?"
  "Who, Tina? Yeah."
  "Yeah, she is sweeeeeet! Too little for me though. I like that Y'know me I likes 'em big. More cushin' for the pushin'! Har Har Har!" Clem slaps you on the back at this point
  "Yeah, that's great Clem, hey look you got something for me to do? I need a fuckin' job."
  "That a fact son? Well you are family and kin folk should always stick together. I got plenty of chores for you to do on this here farm. Question is, are you ready to do some work? Cause this ain't like that BIG city you live in where you get dem dere lunch breaks."
  "Yeah, I got it."
  "Alright then, just so you know. So what do you want to do? You can go feed the hogs, or if yer got the stomach fer it, you can go slaughter the hogs.
  "Is there any job that doesn't involve pigs?"
  "Haw Haw Haw! You got an interestin' sense of humor there Mel! I always liked that about ya!" Clem laughs and slaps you on the back again.
  
  > feed the hogs
  "Well I guess feeding the pigs is simple enough. I'll do that." You say.
  "Haw haw! YOU think so? Those pigs get pretty excited when hungry and when dem hogs start eatin' they ain't too particular! A full grown pig can eat an entire human body. Seen it happen lotsa times. Well you'll learn soon enough. I got some other work to do, so the food's over there in that wheel barrow and there's the hogs, I'll leave you to it."
  "Why the big ass wheel barrow of rotten vegetables? I figured I'd just needed to throw a bucket of slop in there."
  "Hey maybe at other farms they don't give no never mind to what and how they feed their hogs, but here we make sure our hogs get the best food possible, plus that "slop" you're referring to tends to mix in with the mud and shit. And while the pigs don't care, we're tryin' to get a higher quality diet for them so when we split 'em open we got some prime meat and not infected meat."
  
  Clem leaves and you go over to the humongous wheel barrow of pig food, which consists mainly of hot rotten vegetable matter that stinks really bad. You're having a hard time pushing the damn heavy thing, with you gagging ever five seconds from the smell. You eventually get to the pig pen, where the pigs instinctively start crowding near the fence where you're located. Clem wasn't joking; they're practically breaking the fence down to get to the food.
  
  You start throwing the rotten food in there, when all of a sudden a voice calls out to you.
  "You're doin' that wrong y'know. Want me to show you how?"
  
  You turn to see a young woman dressed in cut off jeans that might as well be a denim g string and a tied top that's barely keeping her tits in. This CAN'T be Bertha, this must be Suzy! Clem's daughter!
  
  Wow, it HAS been a long time since you seen her...
  
  > let her help
  "Okay go ahead." You say. Hey anything that's results in you not doing any work is fine by you. Suzy smiles at you and takes the rotten food from your hand. She "accidently" drops some of it, and then bends over to pick it up...
  
  "Goddamn. The girl certainly grew up in a fuckin' hurry." You say to yourself quietly. She notices you noticing the view and proceeds to the hogs where she climbs up on the fence and begins to do some sort of weird movements that catch their attention. They begin to settle down and just watch her moving like some sort of fuckin' acrobat on the fence railing. She rubs the rotten food up and down her body and begins moaning. She now has YOUR attention as well. You and the pigs are hypnotically entranced by Suzy's display. Then she throws the food in the pen, jumps off the fence and begins throwing more food in, without the pigs getting all excited.
  
  "See cousin Mel? You just gotta know how to treat them." She says with a smile. You gotta admit that's the first time you've ever seen something like THAT before.
  "Well that was certainly interesting."
  Suzy shrugs. "Meh, I do that all the time. I have a hard time relieving the boredom of this hog heaven. I wished I lived in a big city like you!"
  "Eh contrary to popular belief I don't live in fuckin' Dallas!"
  "Whatever, anything would be better than is boonies shit. (Sigh) I want to do things you know? With people!"
  "That's funny, I can't stand doing things with people"
  "Well maybe you're not doing the right things with the right people." Suzy says getting closer to you.
  "Yeah I guess." You reply barely being able to keep your eyes on her face.
  "I remember you though; you visited a couple times when I was little. I remember how I tried to sit on your lap and you pushed me off. I bet you wouldn't be that mean to me now, would you?" Suzy says doing her best to try to look innocent.
  "Dunno, the day's not over." You say in an attempt to deflect her advances, she only seems more enticed by your bad ass attitude though.
  "So Cousin Mel is there anything ELSE you'd like to know about this dull farm?" she says approaching you.
  "Erm yeah, so now that they're fed, what else should I do?"
  "Well, there are more pigs you know, so you could go feed them too, or you could help me in the barn."
  
  You're starting to have some very filthy thoughts, which are just wrong on SO many levels...
  
  > go feed more hogs
  Well the best way to diffuse this, is to continue to hang around a bunch of smelly hogs! Suzy's jailbait pussy is gonna be the furthest thing from your mind if you're bombarded by the smell of rotten food and pigs.
  
  "Okay well I guess I'd better finish this up then." You say grabbing the wheel barrow.
  "Oh. Okay." Suzy says a little disappointed, but she hasn't given up yet. "Well I think I'll just come with you. I think you still need my help."
  "Oh no, I don't need it. Shouldn't you be helping your mom or something?"
  "I think you do need it. And Mom and I don't get along. Probably because I look like everything she wished she looked like. Fat bitch!" Suzy says.
  "Well alright then." You say in defeat. You head over to the other pens. Suzy skips along side you, occasionally brushing her tits up against you. You really wish Tina was here, she'd beat the hell out of this incestuous slut within seconds, while you on the other hand are having a hard time not giving into your baser instincts. It's all you can do to not to be a hillbilly stereotype of fucking his kinfolk.
  
  Finally when you get to the next batch of hogs, Suzy grabs some more food and does her little Pig "charming" dance again. Except this time she proceeds to remove her shirt. Normally this would result in major bonerage for you, but the fact she's near a bunch of filthy pigs and rubbing spoiled cabbage on her body makes it a little less appealing to you. The pigs seem to be enjoying the show though.
  
  "Girl get your clothes back on!"
  "Why? Don't you think I'm hot?" Suzy says and begins unzipping her jeans while trying to balance on the fence. "Doesn't your girlfriend do this for a living?"
  "This ain't the time or the place for that!"
  There go the jeans...
  "Jesus fuckin' Christ! You better watch your ass, you're gonna fall in that pig shit!"
  "No YOU watch my ass!" she laughs and slaps her ass.
  
  Strangely you pay little attention to Suzy's now naked body; instead you notice the pigs getting agitated. Looks like the "charm" is working TOO well. They begin to ram the fence causing Suzy to struggle to maintain her balance.
  "SUZY!" you yell.
  "Eeeeeek!" Suzy falls off the fence and into the pig pen. She's covered in shit, food and mud, but that's the least of her problems, as the pigs seem intent on either eating her or fucking her. Probably both.
  
  > go get help
  There's no way you're gonna be able to save her from all those huge adult pigs. Chances are they'd fuck and eat you too given the agitated state they're in. You run off to find Clem as you hear Suzy scream for someone to help. Eventually you find him.
  
  "What?! Goddammit Mel! You shoulda been savin' her! She might be dead by now and if'n she is I'm personally gonna make you my NEW daughter to replace her!" Clem runs to grab his shotgun. You both run to the pen, but Suzy is climbing out a little shaken, and completely covered in nastiness. The pigs seem to have lost interest in her and are now rolling around in their own filth contentedly
  
  "Darlin'! What happened?"
  "Oh Daddy it was...it was...WONDERFUL!"
  You and Clem look at each other. "WHAT?!"
  "I mean I was ravaged like a common farm animal. Mmmmmm, I never knew the touch of a pig could feel sooooo good!" She says rubbing her hands over her disgusting body and wandering off to the house.
  
  You're not sure how to react. If you had a weaker stomach you'd probably puke, but of course being made of stronger stuff you just stand around looking like a dumb ass instead.
  
  "Well, I think you've done more than enough work today Mel."
  "Hey look Clem it's not my fault that your daughter got molested by horny pigs!"
  "What? No I'm not mad about that! If anything I'm happy, Suzy's been wanting to leave this farm for a long time. I was wondering how I was going to keep her here. Well I know she's gonna stay put now! I'm gonna give you "
  "Uh...okay. Clem aren't you the least bit concerned that your daughter got fucked by pigs, let alone the fact she likes it?"
  "Fuck no! I mean hell I've been known to slip some pork to the pork now and then! We all done it."
  "Hey Mr. animal lover, I HAVEN'T fucking done it! An' I'm not about to!"
  "Haw Haw! You don't know what's good boy! Ah, I guess you don't know no better bein' citified an' all. Well here's your money." Clem hands you a wad of bills. They smell like the rest of the farm, but green is still green.
  
  "You coming back tomorrow? Got some more work for ya to do. Could be lucrative!"
  "No Clem, you just reminded me why I don't associate with the rest of my fucked up family!" you say and drive off.
  
  You're eager to get rid of the money Clem gave you, since it's stinking up your truck, of course you'd be doing that anyway. You don't think the stink of that farm is ever going to come off of you. After spending most of it on beer at the liquor store, you go home and get drunk. Tina comes home.
  
  "Well, well, well, I guess you got some money somehow, I hope you didn't spend it ALL on fuckin' beer. Whew! It smells like pig shit in here!"
  "(hic!) Hey baby I was just thinkin' how high class we are."
  "Oh? And what made you come up with this delusion?"
  "Well (hic!) we might be dysfunctional white trailer trash...BUT at least we don't fuck pigs."