text: [Themes: modern, drama]
  
  Once Jack and Jill went up the hill
  
  To fetch a water pail
  
  Their pipes had broke and made a croak
  
  Much like a dying whale
  
  When they got back Jill said to Jack
  
  "This plumbing is our doom"
  
  Jack said "Don't fret, we'll fix it yet!"
  
  And went in the boiler room
  
  But on the floor, just past the door:
  
  A child in a wrap!
  
  "Dear Jill, come look!" said Jack, quite shook
  
  To which Jill replied "Crap."
  
  [Author's Note: You play as Jack, an honest poet. After experiencing plumbing issues in your house, you discover that your wife Jill has been keeping a child you were unaware you even had hidden from you in your boiler room. A custody case ensues. Note: This story is based in a fictional country and thus is not meant to replicate an real court system. This is my entry for the first anniversary of the December Ballad Contest. Enjoy!]
  
  > One Week Later
  "Jack, I'm going to need you to cut the ballad crap and stop talking about yourself in third person if you're going to win custody in court," said Joan, his lawyer. "We don't want the jury thinking you're some rambling lunatic."
  
  "Sorry, I'm a poet," replied Jack. "It's what I do."
  
  "Just keep it to the facts. So, what happened after that?"
  
  "Well..." Jack started, "Jill pretty much confessed that the baby I found in our boiler room was ours and she had purposely hidden her away from me because she thought I would be a bad parent. I can't believe Jill would do something like that, she's always been so open about everything...."
  
  "So how did you respond?"
  
  "I was in too much shock to say anything. By the time I found any words she had grabbed the baby and was out the door. That poor child... poor Jenny...." Jack laid his head in his hands.
  
  "Listen to me, Jack," Joan leaned forward. Jack looked up. "Winning this case isn't going to be an easy task. If there's a reason Jill thought you wouldn't be a good father, chances are, the jury is going to find a reason too." Jack nodded bleakly. "I need you to understand that both of you are fighting for full custody of the child. There's no middle ground, no room for error. We need six of the eight jurors to win this case. We need them to believe you are the better parent to win custody. We need them to win Jenny. Do you understand?"
  
  > Yes
  Jack sighed. "Yes, I understand. As much as I'm not looking forward to it, I understand."
  
  "Good. Are you ready to begin preparing for the trial?"
  
  "I think so," Jack replied. "I'm ready," he added, mostly for his own benefit.
  
  Joan pulled out a notepad. "You're going to have to help me come up with a few questions to ask Jill. You know her better than anyone. We need to prove that she would be a bad parent for Jenny. Can you think of something to start with?"
  
  > Why would you leave a child all alone?
  "Why would you leave a child all alone in a room like that? What if something had happened to her?" Joan prodded Jill.
  
  "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to Jenny," replied Jill.
  
  "Yet you left her, a baby, alone in a room while you and Jack were out and about. How many other times have you done this? How many times would you have continued to do that if Jack hadn't intervened and found her?"
  
  Jill looked ashamed. "I realized my mistake that night. I didn't stop Jack from going in there; I knew it wasn't worth it to keep hiding Jenny away anymore. I knew I could take it to court. I should have done it sooner."
  
  What should your next question be?
  
  > How can you live with yourself?
  "You mentioned not being able to live with yourself if something happened to Jenny, but how can you live with yourself at all?" asked Joan. "Confining a poor young soul to a room her entire life? How long were you going to keep this up?"
  
  "I don't know," replied Jill, "But I know I can change it now. I can redeem myself and make a better life for Jenny." She looked Jack directly in the eye. "All I have to do is win this case to set her free. This is the moment my baby girl needs me most, and I sure as hell am not going to let her down."
  
  "No further questions." Joan returned to her seat.
  
  "Mr. Jacobs, you may proceed with your questions for Jack," informed Judge Jenkins.
  
  Mr. Jacobs stood up and addressed Jack. "Jack, could you explain to the court why the plumbing was acting up in the first place?"
  
  Uh-oh.
  
  > work often because Jill doesn't work herself.
  "I'm rather busy because I work often because Jill doesn't work herself." Jack responded.
  
  "And what do you do again for work, Jack?" Mr. Jacobs asked.
  
  "Well... I'm a poet." Jack replied.
  
  "And you're busy writing so much poetry that you don't have time at all the call up a plumber?" Jacobs pressed.
  
  "Well, in hindsight I guess I probably would've had some time," Jack stated.
  
  "Hm. One wonders what other important things you would put off. Another question for you, Jack. How often do you press your ideologies onto others? Or, erm, in other words, how often do you bother people with your ways of doing things?"
  
  > Don't see how this is relevant.
  "With all due respect, I don't see how this is relevant, Mr. Jacobs," replied Jack.
  
  "Well you see, Jack, when someone constantly forces something down another person's throat it could be very annoying, cumbersome, rude, or even damaging to the other individual. It could be anything from political preferences to a way of speaking. Do you have any experience doing this, Jack?"
  
  "Well, now that you put it that way, I guess I do tend to speak in the form of ballads... but it's never harmed anyone," Jack added.
  
  "Not to your knowledge, anyway, correct?" Mr. Jacobs inquired.
  
  Jack remained silent.
  
  "I withdraw the question. No further questions, your honor." Mr. Jacobs returned to his seat.
  
  "The jury will now discuss the case," informed Judge Jenkins. "I will call you back when they have reached a deliberation."
  
  As the court dispersed Joan turned to Jack. "I've got a good feeling about this one," she said, although there was a slight worry in her smile.
  
  > Verdict
  "Has the jury reached a verdict?" asked Judge Jenkins.
  
  "We have, your honor," replied the foreman. "We the jury, in the custody case of Jack versus Jill, give Jill full custody to Jenny."
  
  Jack lowered his head. Joan turned to him. "I'm sorry, Jack. I wish there was something I could do."