text: > examine Brody
  Brody is an asshole.
  
  Yes, you've been known to prematurely call people assholes before, and you're becoming a bit worried that you're being typecast as the sort of person who indiscriminately dubs people assholes. But Brody really is an asshole.
  
  Brody has painstakingly manhandled his hair into what was probably a mohawk at one point. You have nothing against follicular self-expression, except when it's going to be sitting in front of you. Or when each individual plume of hair has a middle finger sculpted into it. He's wearing a ratty old T-shirt, on which he has just spray-painted (you can smell it): "DEVELOPERS! ASK ME ABOUT THE KICK-ASS GAME IDEA THAT WILL MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE!" (Millionaire is in its own special shade of blood red.
  
  And you would be remiss not to mention the giant sign. You came to this convention to meet like-minded, wonderful people who do not wave giant signs in your face. You instead met Brody, a non-minded, wonder-free personoid who quite enjoys this. Especially when said signs depict naked people.
  
  > examine sign
  (the signs)
  The usual signs, listing the PAX rules, the exits, you know the drill. The only sign you really care about is the one that indicates that there's only one more seat left in the panel.
  
  > wait
  Time passes.
  
  > About you
  You've always felt a bit out of place at conventions like this; you're not a big gamer, and you've never cosplayed in your life. And you're female, as much as you wish this wasn't an issue. But you love interactive fiction, so this was like your dream come true.
  
  > Punch brody
  The rules here tell you not to punch or kick people. More pertinently, they're enforced by about 100 beefy bodyguards scattered around the places you're not looking. Besides, the rules don't say a word about the magical equivalent of punching and kicking.
  
  > Spells
  You are the master of the following spells:
  blorb: The blorb spell lets you safely protect a small object, as though in a strongbox. You wouldn't think it was so useful, but when was the last time you saw a strongbox?
  cleesh: The cleesh spell lets you change something into a small amphibian. It's kind of fun being a stereotypical witch out of a kid's TV show.
  exex: The exex spell lets you make things and/or people go faster. Hence the name.
  filfre: The filfre spell lets you create gratuitous fireworks. Fortunately for party hosts, it works even better when you're drunk. frotz: The frotz spell allows you to cause something to give off light. You love this spell. No more do you have to travel by the light of your cell phone!
  gnusto: The gnusto spell lets you write a spell into a spellbook. You, like most magicians, dislike it; you never reveal your secrets to the world. It's the only leg up you've got on the bastards.
  gondar: The gondar spell lets you put out an open flame. It makes you pretty popular at parties.
  guncho: The guncho spell lets you banish someone to another plane of existence. In theory. In practice, it does absolutely nothing for you. You're sure there's some crappy cop-out excuse, like this convention room is actually the meeting point of every possible plane of existence, making them geometrically -- technically -- the same plane, but you're pretty sure you just can't make it work.
  izyuk: The izyuk spell lets you fly. It also works on other people, you guess, but when you're got a flying spell you are keeping that shit for yourself, OK?
  krebf: The krebf spell lets you repair willful damage to something. It's made you far too careless for comfort.
  kulcad: The kulcad spell allows you to dispel another spell. You love do-overs.
  melbor: The melbor spell lets you protect a magic user from harm from an evil being. You've had to duck into the bathroom and cast it at least three times this afternoon.
  nitfol: The nitfol spell allows you to converse with the beasts in their own language. It is the only reason why you have not yet been fired.
  ozmoo: The ozmoo spell allows you to make something survive unnatural death. No, you don't know if it works in the afterlife and aren't keen to find out.
  rezrov: The rezrov spell lets you open things, even locked or enchanted things. It works either literally or figuratively, but you don't like to use it literally much after you accidentally split your best friend's goldfish in two.
  vaxum: The vaxum spell lets you make a hostile creature your friend. It is the other reason why you have not yet been fired.
  zifmia: The zifmia spells lets you magically summon a being. Out of all of your spells, it is among the most likely to get you arrested.
  
  > Vaxum brody
  All of the jerkery vanishes from Brody's face. He reaches out and shakes your hand, and nothing else. "Oh wow! It's so great to see a girl at PAX." You nod. "So what are you in line for?"
  
  "Oh, there's this panel --"
  
  "The interactive fiction panel?"
  
  "That's the one!"
  
  Brody looks over at the room. Into the doors. At the single remaining seat. "Looks like there's only one seat," he says, voice hardening.
  
  "Yeah," you say flatly. "Looks like."
  
  "So what the fuck are you here for?" He releases a torrent of misogyny. Guess not even vaxum can make him nice.
  
  > exex yourself
  You hardly need to; you're sure you can outspeed Brody as it is. His presence is the problem here.
  
  > Guncho brody
  As much as you'd love to guncho the hell out of Brody, it just doesn't work.
  
  As much as you'd love to guncho the hell out of Brody, it just doesn't work.
  
  > Exex crowd
  Like you're seriously gonna do a favor for a bunch of strangers. They're behind you, and they haven't seen it fit to open up to you, so there.
  
  > Rezrov crowd
  You speak the words, and all of a sudden, everything changes. The crowd seems so much less threatening, much less likely to trample you into a pulp or absorb you into its flesh.
  
  "Oh hey, man!" one of the attendees says. "Oh. Sorry. Hey there, uh, you!"
  
  "Madeline," you say. "Nice to meet you."
  
  "You too! the guy responds. "I'm sorry -- we were just so caught up in the line that we completely forgot there was anyone else here." He smiles and shakes your hand, and the cluster of people beside him opens up a bit, into a circle. You should rezrov your social life more often.
  
  > Cleesh crowd
  You can't see what your spell did, but you're sure that somewhere in the morass, somebody is now frantically dodging feet.
  
  Someone tries to summon Captain Planet from somewhere in the crowd.
  
  "So did you see the Street Fighter panel?"
  
  "Nope," you say.
  
  "GTA?"
  
  "No," you say, a bit less chirpily. You feel like something in a museum.
  
  > Nitfol crowd
  You speak the words, and everything changes again. (Isn't magic awesome?)
  
  "So did you ever play Photopia?"
  
  "I love Photopia!" you exclaim. "It's actually the only game that's ever made me cry."
  
  "Really? Me too!" a guy from the crowd exclaims. "Did you play..." And five minutes pass, and they are wonderful.
  
  You duck as someone throws a paper airplane at you.
  
  > Izyuk yourself
  Maybe after the convention. That way you can get a refund on your flight.
  
  "So did you play Broken Legs?"
  
  "I loved that game!" You grin. "Like, if the author could just come to my home and be my personal writing slave it would be awesome. Is that so weird?"
  
  "Yeeeeeaaah," a girl -- a girl! in the crowd says after a while. "That's pretty weird. And there needs to be a post-comp version."
  
  "Oh." You hardly know what to say anymore.
  
  > Exex crowd
  You cast the spell, but there are just too many people for it to have any noticeable effect. PAX: its attendance is stronger than magic.