text: [Themes: modern]
  
  You have no desire to go get a job, but you decide you'd better make the effort. Tina suggests that you could go to Billy Ray's Burgers since he's always hiring, but you're loathed to work in that shithole.
  
  Maybe you should try the Big Jim's Repair Shop, though you don't really want to work for that miserable bastard either.
  
  Your cousin Clem always said you could help him with his Pig Farm, but you're not sure if you want to put up with his wife. You already have to deal with one bitch at home, you don't feel like dealing with one at work too.
  
  Speaking of which, Tina also suggests that they need a new bouncer at her strip club, Kitty City. Wow, working with your girlfriend, joy joy joy...
  
  Of course there's always odd jobs you could do around the trailer park and pick up metal scraps to sell to the junkyard, the problem there is trying to make enough money doing it to appease Tina.
  
  > go to Kitty City
  The instant you say you'll work at the strip club, Tina's eyes light up. She immediately hugs you and starts kissing on you.
  "Oh Mel! We'll be working at the same place! That means we'll be spending more time together! We'll be able to see each other all the time now!"
  
  Tina says this as if it's a good thing; then again she's showering you with a lot of affection, so maybe it is... of course her blowing you in the truck as you were driving there might not have been such a good idea (Although it SEEMED like a good idea at the time!), since you lose fucking control of it at "happy time" and nearly hit a blind child. Fortunately you manage to swerve and merely graze some fat fuck and run over a cat.
  
  When you and Tina arrive at the club, the place isn't very full, but it's still early. Old Motley Crew songs blast throughout the place along with various other great heavy metal hair bands of the 80s, even though the DJ looks like he was born in the ass end of that wonderful era when mullets were praised and not scorned. Just looking at the skinny young punk's shitty Fem & Em dyed blond hair cut makes you sick and all his fucking face piercing leaves you shaking your head wondering about the youth of today. You don't even want to comment about his pants sagging half off his ass.
  
  Speaking of the youth of today, Tina comes back from talking to the owner of the place. She says they actually have two job openings now. Apparently the bartender was fired for jerking off on the job. The crazy fucker started whacking it right then and there. Needless to say that's not someone they wanted handling the drinks.
  
  Well you don't know shit about bartending, but you have been around alcohol all your life! Should certainly qualify you to some degree. The bouncer job is still available of course if you want something less "intellectually" stimulating.
  
  > be a bouncer
  "Ah fuck it, Tina I'll be a bouncer, I don't feel like having to deal with people barking fucking orders at me." You say. Tina looks relieved; she probably figured you'd end up drinking more than you served if you were bartending. (And she's probably right)
  
  "Okay honey, just stand by the door then, weed out anyone who looks like they're going to cause trouble, and if someone tries to get too grabby with one of the girls, come in like the riot squad and throw their asses out. You also collect the door fee."
  "Sounds good to me."
  "I have to get ready for my show now baby. Hey! This will be the first time you've ever seen it!"
  "What the hell are you talking about? You've strip teased for me tons of times, don't you remember our first date?"
  "Yeah, but you've never seen me at work! I'm really proud of MY dance; I bring something different than all those other skanks. This is so exciting! I feel like we're really sharing something new! I'm so happy you've decided to work here!"
  
  Tina kisses you and then runs off like a humming bird in heat. This is getting really weird; you've NEVER seen Tina like this! She hasn't bitched at you once the moment you agreed to work here! That's gotta be some kind of record. You briefly entertain the idea that your Tina was abducted by space aliens and replaced by one of their own in some attempt to create a hybrid offspring to take over earth.
  
  "Hey fuck face! You gonna let me in or what? I got fuckin' money over here that I wanna spend on some bitch! An' I don't wanna spend the night lookin' at your ugly hillbilly ass!" a young man shouts from behind the velvet rope.
  
  Well back to reality...
  
  > throw his ass out
  You size up the young man; he doesn't even look like he's from around here, looks like he's some fuckin' lame ass rich frat boy from the university in the city. Probably down here "slumming". You can't stand these arrogant bastards on principal, how nice it will be to fuck with one of them with legitimate authority!
  
  "Way to piss me off college boy, you ain't getting in this fuckin' place now. Take your frat ass home and don't bother coming back ever, because you're on my fuckin' shit list."
  "What?! You, you can't do that! I'm a fuckin' paying customer! You have to let me in you dumb redneck!"
  "Wrong again college boy! I have full discretion on who's allowed in. And I have determined your hostile attitude towards me is an indication that you will be a potential trouble maker and a threat to the ladies, thus I shall bar your entry to this establishment...or in redneck terms you ain't gettin' in motherfucker!"
  "Fuck you, you fucking piece of trailer trash!"
  At this point you get right in his face, so close that he has no choice but to have his olfactory senses assaulted by your breath.
  "You call me one more name boy, an' me an' you are gonna go round 'an round. Now insult me once more, that's all I fuckin' ask. I fuckin' dare you." He turns a bit pale at your challenge. He backs off and leaves.
  "Yeah that's what I thought." You say and start collecting money from the other customers that were waiting behind him.
  
  By making an example of that fucktard, you don't really have anymore problems with customers. Later, Tina's act is about to start, you've never seen her actually work so you are curious, besides seeing her running around naked always puts you in a good mood. A sleazy looking announcer comes out.
  
  "And now, for one of our more popular acts here, you may have been turned down by the cheerleaders when you went to high school, but I guarantee this is one who won't turn you down! She brings a whole new meaning to the word Head Cheerleader and will certainly raise your spirits! Dig deep into your pockets guys and give up some money so she can go on the class field trip, because here comes Tina!"
  
  When Tina comes out she's now dressed in a cheerleader outfit, similar to the one you first met her in, when she noticed you were checking out her ass at the local pizza joint. The only difference is its black and white and she's wearing fishnet stocking and stiletto heels with it. You've instantly got an erection hard enough to drive fuckin' nails with. She starts doing her dance as soon as the song starts blasting through the speakers.
  Its "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. That brings back memories.
  
  She must've specifically requested that song, it was appropriately playing on the radio when you were eating out her pussy for the very first time. (Sigh) The memories...
  
  > continue to watch
  You watch her work the crowd as she slinks across stage removing clothing; she's got the entire room in an uproar. Strangely she doesn't even need to get off stage to do this; she's completely teasing their cocks with minimal effort on her part. They're tossing money at her and shoving it in her G-string like she was a vending machine. Shit you didn't realize until THIS moment that you are one lucky sonofabitch. You're the envy of every guy in here. You come to the sudden conclusion that you should start appreciating her more. Of course this enlightened new outlook is now accompanied by an over protective streak that just kicked into overdrive. You see all these guys shouting shit at her and grabbing at her and you begin to get angry...
  
  You immediately break a chair across one guy's back and break a bottle over another one's head before anyone can react to what's going on. What ultimately results is a bar room brawl in which the sheriff and company have to come in and break up and close the place down for a cooling off period. Tina bails you out of jail, but isn't very happy with you.
  
  "What the hell was that all about?! I'm fuckin' stripper, you can't be kicking everyone's ass just because you're overly jealous bastard! You've gotten fired by the way, which is just as well since I'd be out of a job, if you'd continue to work there! You got anything to say for making me lose work and nearly getting me fired as well?"
  "Um...I liked your act. I never realized how lucky I am you chose to be with me. I'm sorry for the trouble I caused darlin" You reply, not knowing what else to say.
  Tina's frown slowly turns into a semi-smile.
  "Oh Mel."
  
  Tina forgives you in a more physical way when you get home.
  
  Yep, she's a good un'.