text: [Themes: Humor, Science Fiction, mad scientist, silly, sexual content, gorilla, maze, sex]
  
  > Look around
  This is a remarkable sight on arid Mars -- subsurface water
  bubbling up in a fountain, flowing around a white circle, and soaking into the thirsty sand. A path curves east around the sand dunes. To the west: unchartable desert.
  Tiffany is here, counting on her fingers and mumbling to herself.
  
  > go east
  This tiny dock is the maritime entrance to the once-famous
  Wattz-Upp section of Mars. East of the dock is a wide, north-south canal; you can hear a gurgling sound to the west. There's a chill in the air; you might be approaching the south polar cap.
  A barge, hand-crafted from fine Martian cedarwood, is moored at the end of the dock.
  Tiffany follows you.
  
  > go to the east
  If you want to jump in the canal, say so.
  
  > Go west
  This is a remarkable sight on arid Mars -- subsurface water
  bubbling up in a fountain, flowing around a white circle, and soaking into the thirsty sand. A path curves east around the sand dunes. To the west: unchartable desert.
  Tiffany trails along.
  
  > Go west
  No, not a typo. "Dessert" refers to the fifty foot Martian Cream
  Pie here. A mirage, of course. People hopelessly lost in the desert often see strange mirages, such as cream pies, lakes, or trails to the northwest and southeast.
  Tiffany follows you.
  
  > Go northwest
  I guess the paths aren't a mirage...
  
  This ancient castle now lies in ruins. (There do seem to be quite a few of them around here, eh?) All that remains of its once-proud ramparts are dust and rubble, and an occasional stone block. A path leads away from the ruin to the west. To the east: unchartable desert. Sitting on one of the stone blocks is a large green frog. Something about it catches your eye.
  Tiffany enters just a few steps behind you.
  
  > look at the frog
  You realize what aroused your attention: the tiny gold crown on the frog's head. The frog is otherwise totally ordinary. Ordinary for a frog, that is. By any other measure it is a repulsive creature, with swollen eyes, oozing warts, slimy skin, and a grating croak.
  
  > Kiss frog
  You lean forward, but just as you are about to kiss the frog the sight of its green warts and slimy skin make it impossible to continue.
  
  > take the frog
  Nice try.
  
  > Kiss frog
  You lean forward with your eyes closed, but just as you are about to kiss the frog the stench of old pond scum overwhelms you, and you lurch back, retching.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a rabbit, an unreliable torch, a raft, a Cleveland phone book, a secret map, a stool, a wicker basket, a flashlight, a rule book (stuck in your back pocket) and a brass bikini (being worn). It seems that the wicker basket contains a clothes pin, a hunk of chocolate, a blanket, a scrap of paper, a matchbook, a coded message and a stick of lip balm.
  
  > drop all
  rabbit: Dropped.
  unreliable torch: Dropped.
  raft: Dropped.
  Cleveland phone book: Dropped.
  secret map: Dropped.
  stool: Dropped.
  wicker basket: Dropped.
  flashlight: Dropped.
  rule book: You change your mind and stick it back in your back pocket instead.
  brass bikini: You'll have to remove the brass bikini first.
  
  > Kiss frog
  You lean forward with your eyes closed and your nose shut, but just as you are about to kiss the frog the creature lets loose a loud, croaking "ribit." You admit that you are incapable of kissing under such circumstances.
  
  > look in the basket
  You'll have to open your eyes first.
  
  > open eyes
  You can once again sense with your eyes.
  
  > look in the basket
  You can see a clothes pin, a hunk of chocolate, a blanket, a scrap of paper, a matchbook, a coded message and a stick of lip balm.
  
  > take the clothespin
  You're already wearing the brass bikini.
  
  > remove bikini
  But the brass bikini is so becoming!
  
  > put clothespin on the nose
  You'll have to remove the brass bikini first.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a rule book (stuck in your back pocket) and a brass bikini (being worn).
  
  > put the pin on the nose
  You pin your proboscis.
  
  > open eyes
  You can once again sense with your eyes.
  
  > drop the ears
  You can once again sense with your ears.
  
  > cover the ears
  [What do you want to cover the ears with?]
  
  > Kiss frog
  You lean forward with your eyes closed, your nose shut, your ears covered and your lips smeared with balm. Planting your mouth solidly against the frog's, you kiss deeply. When you feel a tongue sliding into your mouth, revulsion gives way to pleasure, as the no-longer-enchanted but quite enchanting prince presses against you. As your arms grip his naked, muscular back, he effortlessly slips off your brass bikini. A warm and wild feeling springs from your loins, spreading like a fiery potion through your veins. Within moments you are joined in passionate love, and just as a quick and lustful orgasm seems inevitable, a force crackles in the air, and you are alone, naked, sweating, and unsatisfied.
  As you gather up your garment and put it on, you notice a common household blender on the ground. There's an engraving on its side. Tiffany is at the other end of the ruin, sifting through some rubble, oblivious to your "experience."
  
  > look at the blender
  There's an engraving on its side.
  
  > read the engraving
  "Dearest,
  Sorry to leave so abruptly; perhaps some day we will meet again,
  and finish what we began. Please accept this token of my gratitude for delivering me from enchantment."
  
  > take all
  flashlight: Taken.
  wicker basket: Taken.
  stool: Taken.
  secret map: Taken.
  Cleveland phone book: Taken.
  raft: Taken.
  unreliable torch: Taken.
  rabbit: Taken.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You have a rabbit, an unreliable torch, a raft, a Cleveland phone book, a secret map, a stool, a wicker basket, a flashlight, a common household blender, a stick of lip balm (smeared all over your lips), a clothes pin (pinned to your nose), a rule book (stuck in your back pocket) and a brass bikini (being worn). It seems that the wicker basket contains a hunk of chocolate, a blanket, a scrap of paper, a matchbook and a coded message.
  
  > read the scrap
  There's a seemingly meaningless matrix of letters on the paper: HESOHREBBUR
  ILSSSIPNGEF
  RGIUGHTHDEN
  SNKOOBENOHP
  FALYTMERATP
  SHEADLIGHTO
  SLLABNOTTOC