text: [Themes: Science Fiction, science-fiction, Comedy, science fiction, nonhuman protagonist]
  
  > Go downwards
  You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.
  
  The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)
  
  > wake crew
  You access the cryosleep system and activate the revival routine for the frozen colonists. The revival routine works perfectly, but the revived crew members only stagger around for a few minutes before falling over and ceasing to display life signs.
  
  Since you're actually on the surface of Earth, that seems a bit unfair. Perhaps something actually is wrong with the cryosystems, or perhaps humans are not intended to be revived in 0.2 milliseconds, although it would have defeated the fastest human record by 1082%.
  
  Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You are halfway through composing a suitably perky-yet-reverent greeting for your creators when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
  
  A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have no more crew members in cryosleep.
  
  > wait a while
  Time passes.
  
  The humans open up your cargo bay, extract the pink crystals, and receive direct doses of radiation at multiple times the human lethality level. Although it makes no difference in the short term, it does your mechanical heart to know that rudeness will not go unpunished.
  
  > wait for a while
  Time passes.
  
  Working hurriedly, the humans offload 426 colonists from your cryogenic storage system. They express concern at the number of people who died, and they decide to review the design of your logic circuits. In the meantime, they install you on a university server otherwise devoted to Kerbal Space Program.
  
  > Clubfloyd V
  The colony ship Clubfloyd V... it's got a certain ring. But
  does it have the right ring?
  
  > look at the projections
  Long, thin fibers cropped brokenly off in places.
  
  A spiky silicate life form meanders into view.
  
  > examine the life form
  Some of the life form's surface is pebbly, and some of it is fuzzy, and some of it is steely, but the outermost layer is very spiky.
  
  YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation - everything across the spectrum, from X rays to radio waves - before subsiding to previous levels.
  
  Your memory banks advise you that this phenomenon is an offshoot of magnetic reconnection. Your logic circuits advise you that people on Earth might find it useful to have a recording from this close of a vantage. You could help out!
  
  > get the life form
  You dispatch a servobot, and after a brief but impressive struggle, you install the spiky silicate life form in your cargo bays. A quantity of drifting yellow mist comes with it.
  
  The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.
  
  A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
  
  > Go upwards
  You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.
  
  YZ Ceti B is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.
  
  The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.
  
  A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
  
  > Go upwards
  You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from the planet.
  
  There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.
  
  You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
  
  YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation before subsiding to previous levels.
  
  You document the phenomenon for the benefit of people on Earth.
  You're helping!
  
  The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.
  
  A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
  
  > Enter
  You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.
  
  Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.
  
  You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
  
  The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.
  
  A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
  
  > Enter
  You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.
  
  Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.
  
  You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
  
  The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.
  
  A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.
  
  These two things are probably connected.
  
  > go inside
  You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.
  
  Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.
  
  You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
  
  Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.
  
  The spiky silicate life form gets tired and curls up for a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.
  
  > Go inside
  You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.
  
  Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.
  
  You are approximately 3 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
  
  Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.
  
  > go inside
  You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.
  
  Four terrestrial planets, one asteroid belt, four gas giants, a ridiculous number of lesser satellites and comets - really, the complexity of the Solar System is overkill. Humanity should loan a few extra planets out to the rest of the universe.
  
  You are in interstellar space outside the Sol system, approximately 20 light hours away from Earth. You can go down toward Earth or out to the rest of the galaxy.
  
  Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.