text: [Themes: Satire, Fantasy]
  
  > go to the south-west
  Standing so close to the clifftop makes you dizzy. I wouldn't stay here too long if I were you. [3]
  
  You're standing at the top of a rocky cliff, overlooking Lake Draounheer to the west. It's rather frightening, for you suffer from extreme vertigo - in fact, you're feeling a little shaky. [3]  To the east, a path runs downhill back into the forest, and another path leading south slopes down to the lake. You could follow the cliff northeast as well; the land slopes up in that direction, but at least it's further away from the edge of the cliff. Across the lake are the sinister Beegas'hell Mountains, the heart of the Unnkulian menace that no doubt your liege shall soon deal with.
  
  The six thugs that make up the Valley Patrol are here, leaning on
  their pikes. They appear to be loafing on the job.
  
  The Valley Patrol appears to be engaged in a belching contest. Ooh, that last one was a real prize-winner!
  
  > Go up
  You grab a thick branch on the nearest oak and hoist yourself up.
  Soon, you find yourself -
  
  You're seated on the branch of an old oak tree. You don't dare
  climb any higher; the wind's picking up, and you're afraid of heights as it is. Below you, the forest floor appears to be quite hard. Your stomach is feeling a bit queasy, and you're having trouble keeping your balance. With effort, you pry your eyelids open and look around you. To the west, through the branches, you can see the sandy beaches of Lake Draounheer. To the northeast, you catch a glimpse of what appears to be a wooden roof. Further along the branch is an unfinished bird's nest. The only way out of here is (gulp) back down.
  
  The bird's nest seems to contain a piece of paper.
  
  From below, you think you hear gruff voices arguing about something.
  
  > Go east
  You're standing in the main room of the Golden Dragon Inn. The room
  is warm and welcoming after the brisk fall breezes, though the place is mostly deserted. The barkeep is nowhere to be found, and there's no one seated at the bar. Still, the floor, bar, and tables look clean, and it's good to get out of the cold. The exit is to the west, and a narrow passage runs northeast.
  
  A wine bottle and a soft pretzel are sitting on the bar.
  
  The only customer is a glum little man sitting alone at a table. He looks like one of those damned Acme salesmen the King's been trying to throw out of the Valley. [4]
  
  > Go southwest
  You're standing in the main room of the Golden Dragon Inn. The room
  is warm and welcoming after the brisk fall breezes, though the place is mostly deserted. The barkeep is nowhere to be found, and there's no one seated at the bar. Still, the floor, bar, and tables look clean, and it's good to get out of the cold. The exit is to the west, and a narrow passage runs northeast.
  
  The only customer is a glum little man sitting alone at a table. He looks like one of those damned Acme salesmen the King's been trying to throw out of the Valley. [4]
  
  > put the coins in the pouch
  bronze coin: Done.
  yellow coin: Done.
  
  > Go east
  You can't go that way.
  
  The Valley Patrol marches up from the west.
  
  > examine the figurine
  The jade figurine depicts a smiling, pot-bellied Duhdha. The few remaining Duhdhists in the Valley carry these around, rubbing them for good luck. Such foolish nonsense is, of course, beneath a Valley Warrior. [5]  The figurine is encrusted with dirt, and quite filthy.
  
  > go southwest
  The lakeshore here becomes a stretch of white sand, glaring in the
  fall sunshine. Further south, the land becomes rocky and too difficult to travel; a bit further on, the tip of the awesome Dawg Rock is visible. [6]  You can hear the thunderous crash of water to the south as the lake empties through the Rock. The lake stretches before you to the west. The only way to go appears to be back along the shore to the northeast.
  
  You see a rowboat here.
  
  > drop all
  bronze ring: (Taking off the bronze ring first)
  Dropped.
  sword: Dropped.
  oar: Dropped.
  spade: Dropped.
  trowel: Dropped.
  single brick: (on foot)
  
  Ouch! You should really try to be more careful!
  handful of radberries: Dropped.
  wine bottle: Dropped.
  soft pretzel: Dropped.
  small leather pouch: Dropped.
  pair of erasers: Dropped.
  jade figurine: Dropped.
  corkscrew: Dropped.
  
  > drop the boat
  Dropped.
  
  The Valley Patrol ambles down from the north.
  
  > Go southwest
  The lakeshore here becomes a stretch of white sand, glaring in the
  fall sunshine. Further south, the land becomes rocky and too difficult to travel; a bit further on, the tip of the awesome Dawg Rock is visible. [6]  You can hear the thunderous crash of water to the south as the lake empties through the Rock. The lake stretches before you to the west. The only way to go appears to be back along the shore to the northeast.
  
  You see a bronze ring, a sword, an oar, a spade, a trowel, a single brick, a handful of radberries, a wine bottle, a soft pretzel, a small leather pouch, a pair of erasers, a jade figurine, and a corkscrew here.
  
  > GET RING, SWORD, OAR, SPADE, BRICK, BERRIES, PRETZEL, POUCH
  bronze ring: Taken.
  sword: Taken.
  oar: Taken.
  spade: Taken.
  single brick: Taken.
  handful of radberries: Taken.
  soft pretzel: Taken.
  small leather pouch: Taken.
  
  > drop all but the cage
  bronze ring: (Taking off the bronze ring first)
  Dropped.
  sword: Dropped.
  spade: Dropped.
  single brick: Dropped.
  handful of radberries: Dropped.
  soft pretzel: Dropped.
  small leather pouch: Dropped.
  thin wand: Dropped.
  brass lamp: Dropped.
  
  > go to the north
  You're standing just south of a rickety wooden bridge that crosses a particularly swampy bit of land. The bridge is the only way to continue north; the land around is much too dangerous for you to wander. Beyond the bridge, to the north, you can see what looks like a low hill. The only other path leads south, back toward Lake Draounheer.
  
  A short, green stoll is blocking the bridge. His eyes light up as
  you approach. "Greetings, traveller," he grunts. "Stop. Pay stoll." [7]
  
  > go to the south
  You're on the north shore of Lake Draounheer, at the southern edge
  of the infamous Damsogee Swamp. This is unexplored territory now; you've left the safety of the Forest of Radeekal for dangerous and uncharted wilderness. Perhaps a wiser man would turn back now - but you are a Valley Warrior, and know no fear. Mist swirls at the water's edge, and reeds bend in the cold, damp breeze. Two paths lead into the swamp, one due north, the other northwest. The path is surprisingly well-traveled; small footprints lead north.
  
  You see a rowboat, an oar, a bronze ring, a sword, a spade, a single brick, a handful of radberries, a soft pretzel, a small leather pouch, a thin wand, and a brass lamp here.
  
  > go south
  You're on the north shore of Lake Draounheer, at the southern edge
  of the infamous Damsogee Swamp. This is unexplored territory now; you've left the safety of the Forest of Radeekal for dangerous and uncharted wilderness. Perhaps a wiser man would turn back now - but you are a Valley Warrior, and know no fear. Mist swirls at the water's edge, and reeds bend in the cold, damp breeze. Two paths lead into the swamp, one due north, the other northwest. The path is surprisingly well-traveled; small footprints lead north.
  
  You see a rowboat, an oar, a bronze ring, a sword, a spade, a single brick, a handful of radberries, a soft pretzel, a thin wand, a brass lamp, and a gilded cage here.
  
  > get all but the boat
  oar: Taken.
  bronze ring: Taken.
  sword: Taken.
  spade: Taken.
  single brick: Taken.
  handful of radberries: Taken.
  soft pretzel: Taken.
  thin wand: Taken.
  brass lamp: Taken.
  gilded cage: You've already got your hands full.
  
  > dig the ground with spade
  You can't really bring yourself to desecrate the graves of your ancestors. [8]
  
  > dig the ground with spade
  The Gods may strike you down if you persist in desecrating the holy graves of your godlike, sacred, and revered ancient ancestors!
  
  > put all in the pocket
  black stone: The black stone is already in the pocket!
  small leather pouch: Done.
  oar: Done.
  bronze ring: (Taking off the bronze ring first)
  Done.
  sword: Done.
  single brick: Done.
  handful of radberries: Done.
  soft pretzel: Done.
  thin wand: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  brass lamp: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  gilded cage: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  robe: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You have a thin wand, a brass lamp (providing light), a gilded cage, and a robe (being worn).
  
  > get the trampoline
  Your load is too heavy.
  
  > look at the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a black stone, a small leather pouch, an oar, a bronze ring, a sword, a single brick, a handful of radberries, and a soft pretzel.
  
  > go east
  You're standing in an ancient chamber inside the burial mound. High above your head, the muddy hole you dug beckons you - but there's no way to reach it. The walls of the chamber are hard-packed sod, but the floor is solid stone, good Unnkulian granite. A massive stone coffin stands in the very center of the room. The only exit from the chamber is a narrow passage sloping down to the west, vanishing into darkness.
  
  You see a spade here.
  
  > put all but the robe in the pocket
  black stone: The black stone is already in the pocket!
  small leather pouch: The small leather pouch is already in the pocket! oar: The oar is already in the pocket!
  bronze ring: The bronze ring is already in the pocket!
  single brick: The single brick is already in the pocket!
  handful of radberries: The handful of radberries is already in the pocket!
  soft pretzel: The soft pretzel is already in the pocket!
  brass lamp: The brass lamp is already in the pocket!
  thin wand: Done.
  shiny knife: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  pillow: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  pickaxe: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  lump of gold: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  
  You're feeling a bit better now.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a robe (being worn), a shiny knife, a pillow, a pickaxe, and a lump of gold.
  
  > drop all but the robe
  shiny knife: Dropped.
  pillow: Dropped.
  pickaxe: Dropped.
  lump of gold: Dropped.
  
  > go west
  You're in a small, square chamber with a low ceiling. In the center
  of the room is a rusty oven. It appears to have been pulled away from the wall, revealing a very narrow tunnel to the east. Attached to the northern wall is a long wooden shelf. Otherwise, the room is quite featureless. A passage runs back to the west.
  
  shelf.
  
  > get all
  small cardboard box: Taken.
  cookbook: Taken.
  
  > go to the west
  You are standing in a chamber cut from dark obsidian. Somehow, you feel at peace here. Obviously, this is some kind of temple to one of the gods of ancient Ul. Patterned mosaics cover the floor, and the black walls are streaked with swirls of white marble.
  
  A simple, featureless altar made from dark gray granite is built
  into the northern wall. Above the altar, some writing has been carved into the black stones. Identical passages run south, east, and west.
  
  There's an old monk here, seated on the altar. He looks like he
  hasn't slept or eaten in days, and appears to be very distressed. He glances up as you enter. "Welcome, Valley Warrior."
  
  > examine the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a black stone, a small leather pouch, an oar, a bronze ring, a single brick, a handful of radberries, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), and a thin wand.
  
  > DROP STONE, POUCH, OAR
  black stone: Dropped.
  small leather pouch: Dropped.
  oar: Dropped.
  
  > Cookbook
  small cardboard box: Dropped.
  cookbook: Dropped.
  
  > Go east
  You squeeze through the narrow tunnel, and find yourself -
  
  You're standing in a rough-hewn cave at the top of a long-forgotten mine shaft. A thick vein of gold ore runs diagonally across the east wall, glowing in the pale green lamplight. A narrow squeeze runs west, but you're not going to get through there if you're carrying a lot. To the south, the deep mine shaft runs down. Mudslides and rockfalls have taken their toll, and the shaft is slippery and cluttered, but still negotiable. Still, I doubt if you could climb back up. A wider, straight passage runs north.
  
  You see a shiny knife, a pillow, a pickaxe, and a lump of gold here.
  
  > get all
  shiny knife: Taken.
  pillow: Taken.
  pickaxe: Taken.
  lump of gold: Taken.
  
  > put all but the robe in the pocket
  bronze ring: The bronze ring is already in the pocket!
  single brick: The single brick is already in the pocket!
  handful of radberries: The handful of radberries is already in the pocket!
  soft pretzel: The soft pretzel is already in the pocket!
  brass lamp: The brass lamp is already in the pocket!
  thin wand: The thin wand is already in the pocket!
  shiny knife: Done.
  pillow: Done.
  pickaxe: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  lump of gold: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  
  > Lump
  pickaxe: Dropped.
  lump of gold: Dropped.
  
  > Go south
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a black stone, a small leather pouch, an oar, a small
  cardboard box, and a cookbook here.
  
  > Pillow
  shiny knife: Dropped.
  pillow: Dropped.
  
  > Go south
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a black stone, a small leather pouch, an oar, a small
  cardboard box, a cookbook, a shiny knife, and a pillow here.
  
  > go to the northwest
  linoleum. The chamber is featureless; the only exit is back to the southeast.
  
  You see a barbell, a gilded cage, and a sword here.
  
  > Sword
  gilded cage: Taken.
  sword: Taken.
  
  > read it
  Thoroughly reading the dictionary would take more time than you have. It might be useful if you have to translate something, though. [9]
  
  > give the grass to the goat
  The goat sniffs the handful of crabgrass and grabs it with yellowing teeth. It chews a few times, swallows, and burps loudly. Unfortunately, it still looks hungry.
  
  > give the box to goat
  The goat sniffs the small cardboard box and grabs it with yellowing teeth. It chews a few times, swallows, and burps loudly. Finally satiated, the goat wanders off into the mountains.
  
  > go south
  You're standing on top of a low, rocky rise somewhere in the Beeg'ashell Mountains. Not far south of here is the land of the Unnkulians, the dread enemies of your beloved master, the Valley King. In fact, you can make out several features from here, further south - Lake Draounheer's western shore, to the southeast; the walls of what appear to be some sort of monastery; and, on top of the highest of the mountains, a giant boulder, perched quite precariously. Unfortunately (or perhaps thankfully) the terrain is far too rugged for you to get there from here. The only safe path is to the north. There's a spreading chestnut tree in the very center of the clearing.
  
  The smith wanders down the trail into the clearing. His eyes fall
  upon the spreading chestnut tree. "Aha!" he cries. "Just what I need to fuel my forge!" He swings his axe in one mighty stroke. The tree splits in two and falls to the ground, just missing you, and dislodging a great eagle that probably made its nest in the highest branches. The giant bird squawks once and wings its way north.
  
  over his shoulder. "Be seeing you!" he shouts, and walks back up the trail to the north. [10]
  
  > examine the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a bronze ring, a single brick, a handful of radberries, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), a thin wand, and a lump of gold.
  
  > Go north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a black stone, a small leather pouch, an oar, a cookbook, a shiny knife, and a pillow here.
  
  > Go west
  You're standing in the whitewashed gazebo in the mystical cavern.
  It's quite peaceful here; the moss-covered cavern floor outside muffles most sounds. Faint flowery smells reach your nostrils, and you feel quite relaxed. Truly, there is an almost magical tranquillity here. High above you, you can see the steeple bell.
  
  You can only go back to the east from here.
  
  You see a long rope here.
  
  > Go east
  You're standing in a circular room at the edge of a deep pit. A
  ledge runs around the room, above the pit. Being here makes your stomach churn; the pit's quite deep, and your fear of heights is as strong as ever. [3]  An iron hook is embedded in one of the walls.
  The only exit from the room is a passage back through the rock to the west. Below, in the pit, you can see what appears to be a baby dragon. It looks up at you briefly, then trips over its tail and falls down with a loud squeak.
  
  > Go southeast
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [11]  A more normal-looking passage, hewn from gray rock, runs northwest. In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  > examine the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a bronze ring, a handful of radberries, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), a thin wand, and a lump of gold.
  
  > go north
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [12]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  > Go west
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [13]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  > Go south
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [13]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  You see a steel key here.
  
  > go to the east
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [14]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  > Go west
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [15]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  > put the key in the chute
  You drop the steel key in the chute. It tumbles down the steel shaft.
  
  > Go west
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [15]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  You see a steel key here.
  
  > Go north
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [12]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  You see a steel key here.
  
  > go east
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [14]  In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  You see a steel key here.
  
  > put the key in the chute
  You drop the steel key in the chute. It tumbles down the steel shaft.
  
  > go west
  You're standing in a strange, spherical room. The walls seem to
  glow with pale, bright shades of purple and blue - your lamp is not needed here. The curving floor and walls feel like slick metal underfoot, and you're having some difficulty maintaining your balance. Round tunnels, made from the same strange purple-blue metal, run north, south, east, and west. [11]  A more normal-looking passage, hewn from gray rock, runs northwest. In the center of the floor is a small, round chute. It vanishes into darkness a few feet below the floor.
  
  You see a steel key here.
  
  > go northwest
  You're standing at the bottom of a pit, cut into the rock. The
  walls are solid bedrock, and quite sheer; you won't be able to climb up them. Luckily, a rope dangles down from above. Cutting this pit must have been a monumental task; obviously, this is no natural cavern.
  Only the ancient Ulians could have made such a hole - and only with magical help. Narrow, low passages runs southeast and northeast. A baby dragon lies at your feet, curled up and snoozing peacefully. I'd let sleeping dragons lie if I were you.
  
  You see a single brick here.
  
  > examine key
  The steel key is polished and featureless. It's quite large and heavy.