text: [Themes: Fantasy, fantasy, retro, violence, pseudo-old-school, absurd, sidekick NPC, humor, parody, satire]
  
  > Describe the surroundings
  A high WATERFALL cascades down from a mountain ridge above, foaming and roaring into a broad POOL of clean water. The result is a brilliant PRISMATIC SPRAY. The setting is very peaceful.
  
  GUNWAR the PEG-LEG DWARF stands nearby, staring into space and thinking.
  
  Swimming in the crystalline POOL is a MAGIC FISH, playing around in the churning waters at the base of the WATERFALL.
  
  > regard FISH
  It's just your typical MAGIC FISH. It appears to be reading a tiny book.
  
  > go to the west
  This is the edge of a great cliff, looking over a vast CHASM to the south. The mists are so heavy within that you can barely detect a raging river far, far below.
  
  A tiny TREE clings tenaciously to the edge of the cliff.
  
  From the depths of the CHASM comes a fluttering, a flapping, and a violent, hungry sussuration of HISSING! Suddenly pouring upward from the mist is a deadly SCHOOL OF SKY-PIRANHA, eager for the taste of fresh barbarian blood!
  
  Sweeping across the ground in a great flurry of PISCINE ACROBATICS, the SKY-PIRANHA consume your flesh! You have suffered 49 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR follows you.
  
  > Assail sky-piranassail sky-piranha
  You attack with all your might! You scored 18 points of
  damage!
  
  With a violent fluttering of wings, thousands of NEEDLE-LIKE TEETH rip into your skin! You have suffered 11 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 41 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail sky-piranassail sky-piranha
  Your foe is astonished by your speed as you strike hard! You
  scored 23 points of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 35 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail sky-piranassail sky-piranha
  You hit hard, snarling with rage! You scored 18 points of
  damage!
  
  Heedless of your TWO-HANDED SWORD, PIRANHA fly at you from every direction, colliding, scraping, EATING! You have suffered 28 hits
  of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 29 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail sky-piranassail sky-piranha
  You lash out with the rage of your barbarian ancestors! You scored
  16 points of damage, leaving the SCHOOL OF SKY-PIRANHA at your
  mercy!
  
  The SCHOOL OF SKY-PIRANHA is defeated!
  
  You rend the last of the SKY-PIRANHA into twitching, bloody chunks.
  
  This is the edge of a great cliff, looking over a vast CHASM to the south. The mists are so heavy within that you can barely detect a raging river far, far below.
  
  GUNWAR stands nearby, smiling contentedly.
  
  A tiny TREE clings tenaciously to the edge of the cliff.
  
  > go west
  Cracked remnants of walls and a stretch of weed-grown cobblestones tell of an old temple or abbey ... perhaps even a village. Whatever it was, it now lies in ROCKY RUIN. Poking through the remnants, you notice a shadowy archway leading IN to one small structure that remains intact.
  
  You can see a TELEPHONE POLE here.
  
  GUN totters along beside you.
  
  > seize POLE
  You lack the strength of arm to heft such a mighty thing!
  
  You see a band of travelers in the distance, but then they're gone.
  
  > go west
  This dismal GRAVEYARD sits on a hill cloaked in mist, overlooking the SLAVER KING'S seedy SEAPORT to the north. There are hundreds of gravestones, some cracked with centuries of age, some quite new. There is a single large TOMB that a brave soul might choose to ENTER.
  
  GUNWAR limps along at your side.
  Perplexity and disarray! Your game manual, or the HELP command, might give aid and succor.
  
  > Go north
  Places like this wretched ALLEYWAY make you yearn for the clean air and freedom of the open country. Buildings lean against one another, far above your head, and RATS scurry around the base of a large BARREL. To the north lay the bustling quayside. To the south, you could easily scramble over the city wall and up a brambly hill.
  
  Light shines from a half-open doorway nearby, you could go IN if you wanted. The air from the doorway smells of subtle perfumes and spices.
  
  GUNWAR the PEG-LEG DWARF stays loyally at your side.
  
  > go inside
  GUNWAR says, "I'd best wait here, lad. Three's a crowd in with a fine DOXY, at least until we know each other better."
  
  You notice a slight chain hanging across VESSA'S doorway, and a small sign writ in simple runes which sayeth: BACK SOON - PROVIDING SERVICE TO HIS MAJESTY'S COURT AND SUNDRIES.
  
  > Go north
  You tread carefully, here. This is the city of the SLAVER KING, and he may have spies anywhere! Fortunately, the crowd here at the docks is a varied, noisy mass of people and creatures from all corners of Vanth. The MARKETPLACE further north surrounds the CASTLE entrance. The DARK ALLEYWAY immediately south might offer shelter if the guards come running.
  
  A GROUP OF PIRATES stands around the gangplank of a mighty PIRATE SHIP, deciding who may or may not go IN.
  
  GUNWAR sticks close, keeping an eye out for danger.
  
  > Go east
  A humble WELL provides a centerpiece for this quiet place, surrounded by farmland providing food for the port town to the west. To the north, the shadow of the SLAVER KING'S CASTLE blots out part of the evening sky, but there's no path there from here.
  
  GUN follows along.
  
  > go to the east
  A gentle breeze ripples the sparse grasses here, under a blood-red sun. There are many paths. You see mountains to the distant east. You feel a manly twitching in your thews, enlivened by the freedom of the open country.
  
  GUNWAR follows just a few steps behind you.
  
  > go north
  This ancient bridge crosses a stream running down from the uplands to the east, and disappearing into a small CULVERT leading IN at the base of a cliff. This cliff, and the SLAVER KING'S CASTLE atop it, casts an icy shadow over the bridge. There is no path to the CASTLE from here, but the ROYAL ROAD lies to the north.
  
  GUNWAR the PEG-LEG DWARF limps along at your side.
  
  > enter CULVERT
  GUNWAR says, "I'd never be able to swim in there with me peg-leg, but I'll try to find another way in to meet ye."
  
  SLAVE PENS (ON CATWALK)
  As the DOXY foretold, deep into the CULVERT there is a stone platform, and a ladderwell leading into a vast underground chamber ... a chamber of torture and woe! For here, from a high CATWALK, strewn with discarded metal junk, you can see hundreds of the SLAVER KING'S captured workers: Humans, Vulkins, Frankensteins, Robodroids and more!
  
  Some are shattering rocks with hammers, some are providing motive power for large wooden wheels, some are being whipped or burned by the many burly GUARDS. You cannot be seen from your current vantage point, but if you were to venture into the PENS you would once again be a slave, yourself.
  
  The path to the surface leads UP, but a CRAWLWAY beckons further IN from here, barely visible in the shadows.
  
  > enter
  You crawl through the dark for a while, but it isn't long before you emerge into the CASTLE above.
  
  ... There is a gentle SNAP as the tiny door you emerged from falls shut behind you; there's no sign of it now! You'll have to find another way out.
  
  So, you take stock of your surroundings ... and such surroundings! You stand in a central hall of the CASTLE of the SLAVER KING, a chamber well-bedecked with opulence and many fine FURNISHINGS. Looking far, far to the west, you can see that the GUARDS are letting some well-dressed courtiers wander out into the MARKETPLACE without hindrance. It seems getting out is easier than getting in! You slick your hair a bit, convinced that you can pass for a courtier if the need is dire.
  
  Your attention is drawn by a slight hint of movement: atop a great HEARTH filled with a ROARING FIRE, a COPPER GARGOYLE is perched, and you could have sworn you saw it move.
  
  You REGARD the statue for a time, your instincts telling you to ready yourself for BATTLE!
  
  And it's only a moment for your instincts to be proven true, as the COPPER GARGOYLE grins a creaking, metallic grin, and snaps his claws open, and leaps down to the floor ...
  
  You stand in a central hall of the CASTLE of the SLAVER KING, surrounded by opulent FURNISHINGS of every description.
  
  You can see a COPPER GARGOYLE here.
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE attacks! You have suffered 39 hits of
  damage!
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  You were too slow that time. A miss!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE attacks you savagely, but misses!
  
  GUNWAR arrives, reaching for his healing herbs!
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  Sa-ho! A mighty attack! You scored 19 points of damage!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE clanks noisily on the flagstones, and his claws strike hard! You have suffered 21 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 42 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  You leap, and strike! You scored 16 points of damage!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE leaps straight for your throat! You have
  suffered 35 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 32 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  By Huron's approbated abbatoir, a fine hit! You scored 21 points
  of damage!
  
  With a creak of metal, the COPPER GARGOYLE is airborne, slashing deeply into your side with his fangs. You have suffered 21 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 26 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  Sa-ho! You give the COPPER GARGOYLE a sampling of your TWO-HANDED SWORD, but good! You scored 15 points of damage!
  
  On WINGS OF METAL, the COPPER GARGOYLE leaps high, and glides down from above with claws extended! You have suffered 29 hits of
  damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 37 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  By Huron's scabrous schoolmarm, a fine hit! You scored 19 points
  of damage!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE attacks! You have suffered 27 hits of
  damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 27 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  By Huron's vesicating varlets, you strike hard and true! You
  scored 19 points of damage!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE leaps straight for your throat! You have
  suffered 39 hits of damage!
  
  GUNWAR applies his healing arts, restoring 21 Hit Points.
  
  > Assail GARGOYLE
  You attack! You scored 13 points of damage, leaving the COPPER GARGOYLE at your mercy!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE is defeated!
  
  The COPPER GARGOYLE bows a metallic bow to acknowledge your superior might, and climbs back on its perch above the HEARTH, freezing in place.
  
  Looking around, it seems as though nobody noticed the battle! You idly wonder if every new visitor to the CASTLE has to go through
  this ...
  
  You stand in a central hall of the CASTLE of the SLAVER KING, surrounded by opulent FURNISHINGS of every description. You notice people moving in the distance, but this place is so huge that your own arrival seems to have gone unnoticed by the non-GARGOYLE denizens. Just to be sure, you stick to the shadows (fortunately, there are many). An enormous flight of MARBLE STAIRS leads upward, to the THRONE ROOM.
  
  GUN is near, chuckling to himself.
  
  > Go west
  This busy MARKETPLACE is the heart of the town, nestled against the mighty GATES of the CASTLE. You are careful to keep a low profile here, directly beneath the looming facade of the SLAVER KING'S own citadel.
  
  A lone GUARD stands watch before the GATES, staring ahead dutifully and ignoring the throng of the MARKETPLACE.
  
  GUNWAR follows along, puffing on his pipe.
  
  > go to the east
  The PORTCULLIS is down, sealing the CASTLE from entry.
  
  Across the market square, a group of PRINCES and their retinue pass by riding the back of a GIANT BRAMA WORM.
  
  > Up
  Before you go, barbarian ... 'tis only fair to warn thee: ascending these MARBLE STAIRS will take you before the SLAVER KING himself, and such an "audience" with His Majesty is a one-way trip, one way or another. I do wish you well, savage hero, but at least be sure that you have a recent SAVE to return to, should things not go as you wish.
  
  "And I for one," GUNWAR adds, "feel a great unease in my bones. I've heard terrible tales of the SLAVER KING, lad. I've heard he kills DWARVES on sight! On sight! Perhaps if you could wield me, lad ... I might feel less nervous going in as your armament than as your shadow."
  
  > use the meat
  Holding your breath to stave off the rich odor, you cram the putrefied SLAB OF SNOW-SERPENT MEAT down your throat, and then bite hard on your tongue to fight the urge to vomit. Sure enough, only moments later, the PRISMATIC MAGIC of the meat's ichor permeates your muscles, healing you!