text: [Themes: modern]
  
  Good. You've arrived. We must start right away. Hurry! Don't be late!
  
  [Author's Note: Hello. It's me, Pitka ("Ninja" to my friends), your morality guide. Together, we will embark on a journey filled with lessons on life and ethical behavior, while having fun along the way, of course! I've written a series of short fables for your benefit. Come, take my hand as we navigate through life's innermost difficulties. Author's note: Entry for Bucky's Year's End Contest.]
  
  > let's begin.
  Welcome, child. It's good to have you here. I realize that your attendance may be forced, but I like to think you came here of your own accord. It's better for us both that way. If you can keep a secret, I don't really want to be here either. Oh well, such is life, we might as well make the most of it.
  
  Listen, my dear, I have been through these fables hundreds of times. I know them like the placement of my social media apps on my phone's home screen. Funny how unlocking your phone automatically draws a finger to one of those apps, huh? Take your pick from the list below and we will read it together. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on the clock so we get out in time. Don't be afraid, let's begin.
  
  > The Sages
  Two sages stand outside a courthouse. One of them says, "Man should not judge man. That is work for God alone."
  
  The other answers, "Society, without self-judgment, is doomed to fall. Let God judge my actions at the end of my life. In the meantime, I will abide by the rules set by mankind."
  
  A passing, wrongfully-sentenced, criminal overhears their conversation and says, "While you talk, injustice has taken place in front of you. A man of action is preferable to the inactivity of a sage."
  
  The two sages look at each other for a moment. The first addresses the criminal. "Injustice, yes – how can the sculpture do the task of the sculptor? Man should know his place in the universe."
  
  The second scholar replies. "Mankind's rules are for his own benefit. Does the ox find his own way without guidance? Following the law is furthering human flourishment."
  
  As they debate, the courthouse guard shackles the ankles and wrists of the criminal. A black hood is placed on his head as he's marched to the firing squad.
  
  "Any last words?" the criminal is asked.
  
  The black hood nods. "My actions have brought me here, to my death. Still, I regret nothing. I did not stand to the side when options, as limited as they were, faced me. I chose a path and acted not knowing which was truly the correct. I did not let the paralytic poison of indecision affect me. Man can only choose what he deems is the best path. Only the detestable and waste of society stand, unmoving, as choices pass them by."
  
  The death squad fires.
  
  Moral: Incorrect action is better than idle talk.
  
  > Back
  An excellent choice! That's one of my favorites. I'm starting to see why we were brought together. Perhaps, this isn't a total waste of time. I'm willing to continue if you are. Go ahead, my friend. I'll let you choose the next one.
  
  > The Pigs
  Two pigs sit in their pen. One of the pigs says, "The farmer should be along soon to feed us."
  
  The other replies, "What makes you say that?"
  
  "He comes at the same time every day without fail," the first pig answers.
  
  "True, but that does not mean he will come today," the second replies.
  
  As they speak, the farmer arrives with food. He slings it over the pen and the two pigs forget their conversation and begin to eat.
  
  Mouth half-full, the first pig says, "See? Told you."
  
  "Simply a coincidence," the second pig answers with food still in his mouth.
  
  Moral: Patterned behavior, while likely to continue, does not necessarily have to.
  
  > Back
  I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. It looks like we only have time for one more. I like to keep a strict schedule. I'm always on time to things, never late. It's good to be punctual, you know. That's why I made such a big deal about starting on time. I hope I didn't offend you with my pushiness. It's something I'm working on. I used to have, umm, let's call them episodes. Pick one, and I'll read it to you as you walk out the door.
  
  > The Ant
  An ant passes by a beetle carrying enough food to feed a family. The beetle, down on its luck calls out, "Have anything to spare?"
  
  The ant sizes up the beetle and notices his thin body. "Sure, friend. Take all that you can eat."
  
  The beetle smiles and takes a sizeable portion from the ant. The ant continues on towards his home where he runs into a hungry-looking grasshopper. The grasshopper, eyeing the food, says, "You have more than enough for yourself. Why don't you share some with a hungry traveler?"
  
  The ant nods and lets the grasshopper take another sizeable portion from his arms. The ant continues to pass by the hungry on the road and offers food each time. By the time he reaches his family, there is no more food left.
  
  Moral: Do not allow charity to neglect your home responsibilities.
  
  > Back
  You're still here? Ok, that's enough. I mean it, I really do. Time's up. I don't mean to be rude, but I've got to get going. I already told you I didn't want to be here...why can't you just stop when I tell you to? I'm beginning to see why you were sent to me. You don't listen very well, do you?
  
  > The Sages
  Our time is over, and here you are, endlessly reading through my fables. Is there something you're searching for? Besides those of you so militaristically conscripted into reviewing these stories, why are you here? This certainly isn't a grand story where you take control of nations by sheer power and an unparalleled level of badassery.
  
  No, you're here for something more, for something deeper. I can sense it within you. I know there's an incident in your mind. Perhaps, a certain somebody or something that you would like to avoid at all cost. It's the holiday time, so I'm willing to bet meaningless EXP points it has something to do with family.
  
  > It does.
  I knew it. Don't worry, you're not alone in that sense. I'm right there with you. What is it with holiday time and the increased amount of stress during these "festive" times? All it leads to is disappointment. I'll take your silence as your agreement with that statement.
  
  For those still stuck at home, I can only offer two measly words. The two words that have almost turned into a meme themselves. The two words that have such a different feeling from the speaker to the listener. Saying these two little words feel forced, like the speaker can't keep it within themselves, and yet it's necessary to share the worthless words: I'm sorry.
  
  I'm right there with you, though. Speaking of words, I feel as if I can sum up the holidays in one simple word: Regression. It's the same as catching up with your old friends. Being in that environment takes you to a place you've grown out of, and yet, you're back in it thanks to the fuckin' festivities.
  
  > You're right.
  Of course I'm right, doc. You and I are the same. I feel the regression just like you. It's quite the lie we tell ourselves, hmm? This year will be different. My progression and my maturity will overcome the backsliding immaturity the holidays bring. Yeah right. That, doc, is all I want for Christmas. The cherry on the fucking top is that it's the end of another year. What a better way to end the year than a systematic regression into adolescence? I suppose that's where New Year's resolution come in.
  
  "I resolute* to not be a total waste of space this year."
  
  Let's see how long that one lasts. A month, two tops. At least I have a realistic expectation of my resolution, unlike the dissipating wave of flub signing up for gym memberships January 2.
  
  What's the point of it all anyway? It's never like you see in the movies. Sometimes I wish it were. I could just waltz into the scene, say my lines, and exit stage left into nothingness. The anxiety and sheer frustration would be done away. The writers make sure of that. There's always a happy ending. Why is there always a happy ending? I'll tell you why. Ratings.
  
  *I know that's not the correct word, but I don't care. I'm probably not even using the "*" correct either.
  
  > Don't you think that's a little cynical?
  Perhaps. Do I care? Do you? I'm more surprised by the fact you made it through "happy ending" without cracking a smile. This could be the year the New Year's resolution is kept. With great maturity, comes no smirking with d*ck jokes. I bet that's hard for you. They should erect a monument in your honor. Who's your favorite band? The Strokes? Is that a storygame rating of 8 in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
  
  Is it even worth maturing if you lose the joy of being a kid? I don't know, maybe. I tend to think it's like having a mini Professor Oak in your head (your actual head, we're done with the d*ck jokes). Remember good ol' Prof. Oak? You'd try to ride your god damn bicycle indoors and he'd appear on your screen saying "Now's not the time for that" or some bullshit like that. He's right. There's a time and a place for d*ck jokes. The professional workplace is not among them as funny as well-timed slangin' brain joke can be. I did pass the State of California Sexual Harassment course, with flying colors I might add (I took it twice).
  
  Yeah, yeah, I get it. It doesn't always have to be one or the other. It does feel like that most of the time though. After all, only Sith deal in absolutes. Are you the one we've been searching for? Doubt it. I tend to view progression in one of two ways: you're either going forward or moving backwards. Stagnation tends to fall in the backward category.
  
  Imagine your life as a linear timeline. Starting at zero, the numbers go to, let's say, 100. Take a skill, any skill, and give yourself a letter grade. I'll be your example. I'm 25 and my writing level is a C-. As I get older, my writing skill should increase, right? If I get to age 40, and my writing level is still a C-, those years were wasted in stagnation. That, my friend, is moving backwards. Your turn.