text: [Themes: modern]
  
  You don't feel like putting up with too much drama today, so you decide to take the road less traveled literally. You drive for awhile trying find scrap as well as something to listen to on the radio.
  
  "Oh shit! NO! Fuckin' pop shit! What the fuck is happening to this country where some fuckin' pretty boy who sings like a bitch gets popular? Ain't fuckin' right...No! Fuckin' rap garbage, they need to remember to put the "c" back in front of that brand of...whatever the fuck it's suppose to be, cause it ain't music. What the fuck is this? Garth Brooks? Fuckin' pussy! He ain't no real country singer! Fuckin' poser! Ah this'll do I guess. Yeah!" You say as you finally settle on the "Dinosaurs of Rock" station.
  
  Eventually you have as much success in finding scrap as you do in your recent quest to find a radio station. As you're struggling to load an old stove into your pick up truck, the wilderness decides to show exactly what it thinks of you as a skunk passes by and sprays you for no apparent reason.
  
  "UGH! Goddammit!" you say, as the skunk goes bounding back into the underbrush.
  
  You stink pretty badly now, though you've smelled worse, like that one time you participated in the town's first and last pork butt eating contest. The gases you and the other contestants were giving off were bordering on noxious that day. Damn shame that small explosion occurred when in the middle of the contest when someone lit a cigarette up, or else you would've won. Yep, life just seems to conspire against you from achieving greatness.
  
  Well you could call it a day. You won't get a lot for this stuff, but you can at least prove to Tina you did something, or you could ignore your own stench as you have so many times in the past, and keep looking.
  
  > keep looking
  You ignore the smell of skunk on you and continue driving. Your search proves fruitful. You find enough stuff that you have to stop due to your truck being full. You also find a full bottle of whiskey in an abandoned refrigerator! "Who the hell would throw something like this out? Shit, its mine now!" you say and start drinking. You notice you'll have to go to the scrap yard tomorrow though as its now night time, so you start heading back home.
  
  Out in the wilderness the night is a lot more imposing. No lights at all except the stars and your own headlights...and that strange light in the sky that's suddenly appeared over your truck.
  
  "What the fuck?" you say and step out of your truck, looking up.
  
  Suddenly you feel a surge coursing throughout your whole body! You're completely rendered numb and feel yourself floating upward.
  
  You black out only to wake up on a table, you can't really see what's happening as your eyes are covered in some sort of jelly substance, but you can make out some strange looking figures with objects in their hands. You know you're naked and you'd probably attempt to talk, but having some sort of metal object holding your mouth open makes that a bit difficult. You feel sticky all over, followed by sharp poking sensations and you don't EVEN want to think about all the places you're being probed...
  
  After falling in and out of consciousness during this unpleasant event, you can see another blurry figure getting on top of you. It looks female, but different somehow. You know its fucking you though. It doesn't feel all that good for some reason though. Eventually she finishes and gets off of you. Damn, she didn't even kiss you.
  
  You pass out again as more weird looking blurry figures come in. The next time you wake up, you're lying outside butt ass naked outside your truck. You quickly get in it and drive home as fast as you can (And having a hard time sitting) When you run in the trailer, Tina is wondering what the fuck is going on.
  
  "Mel? What the fuck? Why the hell are you naked?!"
  "Tina! I don't know what the hell happened! But I think...I think..."
  "What?! Spit it out man!"
  "I think I was abducted by aliens and they probed me and then one of their women fucked me to repopulate their planet or something, but I didn't enjoy it I swear!"
  
  Tina looks at you for a good five minutes in silence and then starts laughing.
  
  "Mel, that's the funniest excuse I've heard yet for getting drunk! Hahahaha!"
  "I'm not drunk! This happened!"
  "Oh suuuuure it did! I can smell the whiskey Mel! You probably got drunk, passed out and had an interesting dream relating to all that science fiction shit you've been known to watch."
  "What?! I'm serious Tina! Why am I naked then?"
  "Hell if I know. Maybe some teenagers passed by and saw you lying in the gutter and thought it would be funny to strip your clothes off."
  "I was in the wilderness! Aliens got me Tina! I know it!"
  "Look Mel, I'm tired and the joke's over. Quite frankly I don't give a shit, I'm going to bed. Forget about sex tonight seeing as you were fucking inter-galactic whores. Yeah right, like if aliens DID come down, they'd want you! Hahahaha!"
  
  You know it happened! Didn't it? Is it possible that whiskey you found just made you hallucinate? No! It happened and you're determined to tell everyone!
  
  The next day you make a call and later get booked on the Larry Leaper Show called "I was abducted by space nymphos." You become a town star! Normally you'd try to make a lot of money off of this, but you decline despite Tina's nagging that if you're going to claim this happened then you should milk it for all its worth. Its not that you're humble, but you just worry about having to pay half of the money for child support for the little inter-galactic bastard if the Mom ever comes back, and you'll be damned if you're gonna do that!