text: [Themes: Afterlife, Haunted  House, Satire]
  
  > look at your surroundings
  You're in a small cubicle, bordered on the east and west by six-foot-high partitions, and on the south by a desk. There's a chair that occupies most of the rest of the space. A door is to the north; the door is open.
  On the other side of the desk is a very large, bright white room. Several men and women are walking about the room, consulting with each other; each is wearing a long white lab coat, and carrying a black metal clipboard stuffed with papers. Overhead, you notice a small opening in the ceiling. Covering the opening is a mirror. In the mirror, you notice that you can easily see the people in the cubicles on either side of your cubicle.
  
  > look at the clipboard
  It's just something the scientist is carrying. It's not important.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a printed note, a rope, a dead light bulb, a toolbox, a portable radio, a bucket, a pitchfork, a small metal key, a parachute (being worn), a pair of rubber gloves (being worn), a certificate, a poker, a brush, a shovel, a pencil sharpener, a pencil, an Infern-O-Vac battery, a dollar bill, a cigarette box, a cigarette, a check, a driver's license, and a paper recycling bin. The toolbox seems to contain a crowbar and a yellow note. The radio compartment seems to contain a DuraHell battery.
  
  > Go east
  There's a large hairy Troll standing in the center of the bridge, blocking your way.
  
  The Troll watches you suspiciously.
  
  > give the bill to Troll
  The Troll takes one look at the dollar bill and rejects your offer with a snarl, shoving it away with a backhanded slap.
  
  The Troll watches you suspiciously.
  
  > Go east
  Sitting on the desk is a bag of Cheese-Doodles and an empty can of ToxiCola.
  A programmer is sitting in front of the computer, looking at a screenful of C code.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > ask the programmer about the ToxiCola
  "I'd love to chat, but I'm busy."
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > look at the pile
  There's pieces of scratch paper spread out all over the desk, except for the half of the desk occupied by the computer. Some of the pieces have a bunch of hex numbers with little arrows next to them; others have strange maps consisting of little squares (each with a label such as "Hall East") connected by lines, and others have lists with about half of the items crossed off and the other half squeezed into the last inch at the top of the page.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > read the pile
  There's pieces of scratch paper spread out all over the desk, except for the half of the desk occupied by the computer. Some of the pieces have a bunch of hex numbers with little arrows next to them; others have strange maps consisting of little squares (each with a label such as "Hall East") connected by lines, and others have lists with about half of the items crossed off and the other half squeezed into the last inch at the top of the page.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > Search pile
  You find nothing of interest.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > ask programmer for Card
  I don't think the programmer could give that to you.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > Burn pile
  I don't know how to burn the pile of paper.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > give the cigarette to the programmer
  "No, thanks."
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > ask the programmer about the program
  The programmer is no longer here.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > ask the programmer about the ToxiCola
  "I'd love to chat, but I'm busy."
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > take the can
  Taken.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > go to the south
  A woman is here.
  
  Someone at the left of the room raises his hand. "Yes, you at the left," the woman says, pointing to him.
  "Why did I end up here? What did I do wrong?" he asks.
  The woman responds, "Really, you must shed your outdated notions of hell. You don't have to do anything wrong to end up here. New souls are randomly assigned to Heaven or Hell based on the last four digits of your Celestial Security Number. The Heaven-Hell border was opened a long time ago, though, so your initial assignment is not permanent."
  
  > go to the south
  A bartender is here.
  
  > ask the bartender for the vodka
  "Right away!" He gets out a small glass and pours you a drink. He hands you the glass.
  
  > pour the vodka into the can
  Which vodka do you mean, the glass of liquor, or the bar's stock of liquor?
  
  > Glass
  You pour the fluid, and it evaporates on contact. (It must be very arid in Hell.)  The glass vanishes into thin air.
  
  > Go north
  A woman is here.
  
  Someone at the left of the room raises her hand. "Yes, you at the left," the woman says, pointing to her.
  "You said we can go to Heaven. How do we get there?" she asks.
  The woman responds, "The easiest way is to use the HadesCorp Space Needle. It's impossible to miss -- it's the tallest free-standing structure in hell. The view from the elevator is fantastic."
  
  > Go east
  Sitting on the desk is a bag of Cheese-Doodles.
  A programmer is sitting in front of the computer, looking at a screenful of C code.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > give vodka to the programmer
  "No, thanks."
  
  You hear a hollow voice in the distance laughing for a moment. You wonder what it could signify, until your eyes wander up to the status line and you notice the turn counter.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > Status
  You are dead. Your flesh seems to be in fairly good shape (no telltale signs of rotting are evident).
  
  > Pray
  Isn't it a little late for that?
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > examine computer
  It's a personal computer with the traditional accoutrements: mouse, keyboard, monitor, and system CPU unit. The screen is displaying a bunch of C code.
  
  > ask the programmer about the beer
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  "I'd love to chat, but I'm busy."
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > examine the cpu
  It's a personal computer with the traditional accoutrements: mouse, keyboard, monitor, and system CPU unit. The screen is displaying a bunch of C code.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > turn off the computer
  The programmer probably wouldn't like that.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > unplug the computer
  I don't know how to unplug the computer.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > look at the notes
  There's pieces of scratch paper spread out all over the desk, except for the half of the desk occupied by the computer. Some of the pieces have a bunch of hex numbers with little arrows next to them; others have strange maps consisting of little squares (each with a label such as "Hall East") connected by lines, and others have lists with about half of the items crossed off and the other half squeezed into the last inch at the top of the page.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > examine the desk
  It's a very large desk, perhaps six feet wide by three feet deep, made from dark wood and done in Danish Modern style. One half of the desk is occupied by a computer, and most of the rest of the desk is covered with papers. The desk has a drawer, which is closed. On the desk you see a bag of Cheese-Doodles.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > get the bag
  Taken.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > open the bag
  I don't know how to open the bag of Cheese-Doodles.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > eat the doodles
  The bag of Cheese-Doodles doesn't appear appetizing.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > look under the desk
  There's nothing under the desk.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > examine the programmer
  You can tell just looking at him that he does nothing but program all day: he looks pale, even for a dead guy, and he's dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, the canonical uniform of the software developer. Clipped to one of his pockets is a small plastic card.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > get Card
  The programmer is carrying the ID card and won't let you have it.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > throw the vodka at programmer
  You miss.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > throw the vodka at the computer
  You're not carrying the glass of liquor.
  
  The programmer types a bunch of code into the computer.
  
  > take the glass
  Taken.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > throw the vodka at the computer
  You miss.
  
  The programmer looks pensively at the screen.
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  You have a printed note, a rope, a dead light bulb, a toolbox, a portable radio, a bucket, a pitchfork, a small metal key, a parachute (being worn), a pair of rubber gloves (being worn), a certificate, a poker, a brush, a shovel, a pencil sharpener, a pencil, an Infern-O-Vac battery, a dollar bill, a cigarette box, a cigarette, a check, a driver's license, a paper recycling bin, an empty can of ToxiCola, a bag of Cheese-Doodles, a glass of liquor, and a yellow note. The toolbox seems to contain a crowbar. The radio compartment seems to contain a DuraHell battery.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > take the pile
  You don't need those.
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > give can to the programmer
  "No, thanks."
  
  The programmer makes a few notes on some scratch paper.
  
  > Go west
  
  > go north
  Sitting on the sink is a pillow.
  
  > throw the mirror at the sink
  You miss.
  
  > open the cabinet
  The medicine cabinet is already open!
  
  > Close cabinet
  Closed.
  
  > put the mirror in the cabinet
  You carefully put the mirror back in the frame. It doesn't fit all that well, but it you manage to wedge it into place.
  
  > pry the cabinet with the crowbar
  The jammed frame creaks and moans, but it's no match for the crowbar, and it quickly opens with a loud cracking sound. As it comes open, the mirror suddenly snaps out of the frame, and and crashes down onto the sink. Glass flies everywhere.
  The programmer walks in, evidently having heard the commotion. "It looks like you tried to open the medicine cabinet," he says. "I should have warned you about that. It's yet another of the high-quality accessories of this house. The mirror always pops out when the medicine cabinet is opened."
  He walks out, and returns with a broom. "I'll have to go get
  another mirror," he says as he sweeps up the glass. "I'll just be a few minutes. There's a mirror store right across the street."
  
  The programmer travels out into the hall.
  
  > go south
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels west down the hall.
  
  > Go west
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels north into the kitchen.
  
  > go north
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels out the door.
  
  > Go north
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels out into the street.
  
  > Go north
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels north into the mini-mall parking lot.
  
  > Go north
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer travels into the "Just Mirrors" store.
  
  > Go east
  A programmer is here.
  
  The programmer looks around the store. He finds a suitable replacement mirror and takes it up to the counter.
  
  > wait
  Time passes...
  
  The programmer reaches into his pocket and gets out some money. As he does, you notice that his ID card drops to the floor. He pays the shopkeeper for the mirror.
  
  > take Card
  The programmer notices you picking up the card. "Thanks! I must have dropped it." He snatches it out of your hands and clips it to his pocket.
  
  The programmer travels out into the parking lot.
  
  The teenager taps his fingers nervously on the counter and tries to avoid eye contact with you.
  
  > wait for a while
  Time passes...
  
  The programmer travels out into the parking lot.
  
  The teenager taps his fingers nervously on the counter and tries to avoid eye contact with you.
  
  > take Card
  Taken.
  
  [Your score just went up.]
  
  The programmer walks into the room. He walks around the store, looking for something.
  
  > Go west
  The programmer walks into the lot.
  
  > go south
  The programmer walks into the area.
  
  > put Card in the slot
  You insert the card into the slot, and the little red light changes into a little green light. The door slides open. You remove the card and the light turns red again.
  
  > go to the east
  You're in a hallway. A doorway leads south, another leads north,
  and a door (which is open) is to the west. Next to the door is a card reader slot, and above the slot is a small red light. There's also a room to the east, labeled "Maintenance".
  
  The door slides shut.
  
  > go to the east
  You're in a small, closet-sized room. The only notable feature is a locker, which is closed. The exit is to the west.
  
  > look at the locker
  The locker has a dial, which can be turned to positions from 1 to 30. The locker is closed.
  
  > open the locker
  It seems to be locked.
  
  > read the yellow note
  It's a small piece of yellow paper, with nothing written on it except a series of numbers: 6-24-10.
  
  > turn the dial to 6
  Which dial do you mean, the radio dial, or the combination lock dial?
  
  > turn the lock dial to 10
  Okay, it's now turned to 10. You hear a click within the lock mechanism.
  
  > open the locker
  Opening the locker reveals a maintenance uniform.
  
  > get the uniform
  The locker is already open!
  
  Taken.
  
  > examine the uniform
  It's a one-piece white jumpsuit. It's a bit singed.
  
  > take the uniform
  You already have the maintenance uniform!
  
  > go to the north
  You're in a large laboratory filled with strange equipment -- huge coils of wire, glowing translucent plastic tubes, panels of randomly flashing lights, and in the center of it all is a large glass booth, big enough for a person to stand in. A door leads south.
  There's a technician here, idly sitting reading a book.
  
  The technician starts telling you about a computer game. "Have you ever tried to pick up one of the cursed emeralds?" he asks. "It's pretty amazing how quickly your character gets killed when you do."
  
  > Examine book
  It seems to be a book that describes a role-playing game of some kind.
  
  The technician pages through his book.
  
  > look at the technician
  He's a scrawny man in his mid twenties. He looks like he's been wearing a pocket protector since his early childhood.
  
  The technician looks up from his book. "Do you know if they're going to get another keg in here? We finished the last one days ago."
  
  > ask the technician about the book
  "Figure it out yourself!"
  
  The technician twirls around on his chair.
  
  > Examine booth
  It looks like an ordinary booth to me.
  
  The technician starts telling you about a computer game. "Have you ever tried to pick up one of the cursed emeralds?" he asks. "It's pretty amazing how quickly your character gets killed when you do."
  
  > enter the booth
  The technician yells, "Hey! We're not ready for a run!" He runs over and prevents you from entering, then returns to his chair.
  
  The technician pages through his book.
  
  > ask technician about the booth
  "Figure it out yourself!"
  
  The technician looks up from his book. "Do you know if they're going to get another keg in here? We finished the last one days ago."
  
  > give the vodka to the technician
  The technician grabs it and immediately drinks the contents. "Hey!
  The boat must be in! Why didn't you say so? Cover for me, will you? I'm going to run over and get some free drinks as long as it's here." He runs gleefully out of the room.
  
  [Your score just went up.]
  
  > enter the booth
  Lab, in the booth
  You're in a large laboratory filled with strange equipment -- huge coils of wire, glowing translucent plastic tubes, panels of randomly flashing lights, and in the center of it all is a large glass booth, big enough for a person to stand in. A door leads south.
  
  > Examine booth
  It looks like an ordinary booth to me.
  
  > examine the lever
  It's labeled "Infernolab Dimensional Networking Products Division Model DN-2." It has a large number of dials and buttons and levers, but you feel safest leaving them alone. There is, however, one particularly large red button labeled "Activate".
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  "FINAL WARNING! Software configuration completed. Final power sequence calculations completed. Power flux decoupled from main power feed. Diagnostics completed; all systems within normal tolerances. Stand by..."
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  "SYSTEM ACTIVATED." The room begins to vibrate, and a loud rumbling sound echoes all around. A glowing fog starts to surround you, and the vibration and rumbling are gradually muffled. Soon, you near nothing, and see only the strange glow. You feel yourself losing your balance; you squint your eyes trying to peer through the fog, and reach out for the edge of the booth, but you find nothing where the booth was. You feel yourself falling forward, and you reach out to brace yourself, but you just keep falling.
  You start to hear a distant rumbling sound. The noise grows
  steadily louder and closer, and you start to notice vague shapes out in the fog. The shapes draw closer, and the rumbling grows louder. Suddenly, the glow and the rumble are gone.
  
  Get out!
  -- The voice of Satan ("The Amityville Horror")
  
  You're in a large, unfinished basement. The walls are gray cinderblock; some light is provided by a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. A stairwell leads up.
  In the east wall is a strange, glowing portal. You realize that
  it's the interdimensional portal that brought you here.
  
  A group of people standing around the room suddenly notices your presence. They all gather around you, appearing slightly frightened but curious.
  
  The group of people is here, watching you carefully but keeping their distance. One of the reporters narrates her report: "Top scientists are baffled by the continued presence of paranormal activity in this otherwise quiet rural home. Many believe this can only be the work of Satan, while others are not so sure."
  
  > Go upwards
  You're in a den. The kitchen is to the east, a hall leads south,
  and a stairway leads down.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The group of people comes rushing into the room.
  
  > Go south
  You're in a short north-south hallway with a very slick, shiny tile floor. A passage leads east into the living room; a stairway at the southwest corner of the hall climbs to the second floor. A closed door leads south.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The group of people comes rushing into the room.
  
  > open the door
  Your hand passes through the door, nudging it just slightly.
  
  The group of people is here, watching you carefully but keeping their distance. One of the scientists points a radiation counter at you.
  
  > go to the south
  You pass directly through the closed door...
  
  You're on the porch in front of the house. A closed door is to the north, and all around is a meadow. The porch continues to the east.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The crowd comes bursting through the door, slamming it behind them.
  
  > go east
  You're on the porch in front of the house, which is to the north.
  The porch continues to the west, and all around is meadow.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The group of people comes rushing over to you.
  
  > Go north
  You approach the wall, and go right through it, emerging on the other side...
  
  You're in the living room. A kitchen lies to the north, and a hall
  is to the west.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The crowd comes bursting through the front door. They slam the door behind them.
  
  > go north
  You're in a kitchen. The room is a mess, as though a large group of people have been eating here and not cleaning up after themselves; the counter and the kitchen table are littered with empty styrofoam cups and fast-food wrappers. Passages lead south and west.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!" The group of people comes rushing into the room.
  
  > go to the north
  You approach the wall, and pass directly through, barely feeling the solid matter...
  
  You're in a large meadow. An old house is to the south.
  
  > go to the south
  You pass through a wall, and find yourself in...
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"
  
  > Go west
  You approach the wall, and pass directly through, barely feeling the solid matter...
  
  > go upward
  You're floating above a large meadow. An old house is to the southeast.
  
  > go to the southeast
  You pass through a wall, and find yourself in...
  
  You're in a hall at the top of a stairway. Passages lie to the
  north and east. There's a trap door, which is currently closed, in the ceiling, probably leading to the attic.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"
  
  > Go upwards
  You travel directly through the ceiling, and emerge on the other side...
  
  You're in an old, musty attic. The only exit is a trap door, which
  is closed. There's junk all around the room: old furniture, boxes of books and papers, and several storage trunks. One particularly large storage trunk is standing on one end near the trap door.
  Sitting on the storage trunk is a silver ring.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"
  
  > take the ring
  You manage to nudge it slightly, but it doesn't go anywhere.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"
  
  > examine the ring
  It looks like an ordinary silver ring to me.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"
  
  > open the trap door
  Your hand passes through the trap door, nudging it just slightly.
  
  You hear several voices in the distance saying things like "where did it go?" and "I think it went this way!"