text: [Themes: Humor, Fantasy, Puzzle, humor, nonhuman protagonist]
  
  > look at tapestry
  It's a garish sight. I guess the artist might have been trying to do something in the Colorist style. (Purple and green dyes became cheap around the turn of the century, and there was a rainbow explosion in the art world for about a decade.) I don't know, though--- these colors don't really go together. Colorism usually involves more realistic pairings, and I don't think humans are supposed to be that shade of orange. I think the blobby thing is meant to be a unicorn, but that's speculation.
  
  The tapestry was probably made by the late queen. I've heard stories about her prolific and unusual talent. I'm sure the old guy couldn't bear to throw it out, and nobody else could bear to look at it. There's a wobbly inscription woven into the corner.
  
  > examine the inscription
  "To my beloved on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. May our love always be as eternal as the flowing fountain."
  
  That's a fountain? I guess this was made by the queen. Aw,
  that's so sad. I mean, she had no taste, but they say the old guy really loved her and went mad with grief after she died. I guess that was good for us, with you getting the job here and him never caring what you did.
  
  > About yourself
  You're a mediocre wizard. No, no, boss, don't look sad! Wait for me to finish! You're a great inventor! See, there was a compliment coming. You always have the best ideas. Remember Primo Eyeballs-in-a-Can? That was my personal favorite, for obvious reasons. But your ideas don't always, er, work right. That's why you took the wizarding job: 'cause it gets you money to work on your inventions until we hit it big. Which we will, as soon as we replace all that missing money and keep you from getting killed and, um, okay, this is probably not cheering you up as much as I'd hoped.
  
  Right now your body is in the corner, unconscious. You're wearing your completely awesome purple robe, but your hat got lost in the arrest fiasco. The stupid fat guy searched you and took all your stuff, but maybe there's something he missed. I don't know.
  
  > examine you
  I'm W.D., your familiar, and I'm awesome. Check out these feathers!
  
  > look at the feathers
  I have black feathers, which means I go with everything. They shine a little bit in the light. My lovely girlfriend says they look slightly blue in very bright light, but I don't see it.
  
  > examine the bed
  It's a wooden bed frame that would be big enough for one human with a mattress or pillows, but there aren't any around. It doesn't look particularly comfortable, and the wood's splintering.
  
  > examine the mirror
  Nothing but a bit of dust.
  
  It's an oval mirror with a steel frame bolted to the wall. The frame has little diamond-shaped cutouts in it. The mirror itself is about as big as I am. It's got a big dent in it, but it still works as a reflective surface.
  
  > look in mirror
  Hey, it's me! I'm W.D., your familiar, and I'm awesome. Check out these feathers!
  
  > look at the robe
  I love your robe. It's so stylish. It's purple and dark purple and darker purple and all swirly patterned and stuff, and it's covered in sequins and sparkles and shiny and glittery and glowy! It's mesmerizing. You look great, even unconscious. There are big floppy pockets sewn inside. You usually keep all kinds of stuff in there.
  
  > examine the vase
  It's a delicate glass vase with a narrow neck, although it widens at the bottom. It's the kind of vase that holds a few flowers instead of a whole bouquet.
  
  > look in the pockets
  Hey, hey, there's a magic wand in one of the pockets! Man, the fat guy didn't even think it was worth taking? That's just sad.
  
  > take the wand
  Taken.
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a magic wand
  the mind of a mediocre wizard
  
  > look at the mind
  It's...well...it's hard to describe what it's like to have someone else in your head.
  
  > read the mind
  That's just a joke, boss.
  
  > examine the wand
  This is the Aetheric Coin Generator Mark III! It turns air into faery coins. The Mark I only lasted through seven thousand uses or so, and Mark II backfired and turned coins into air.
  
  > hug yourself
  No can do, boss. No lips.
  
  > look in the vase
  The vase is empty.
  
  > examine the vase
  It's a delicate glass vase with a narrow neck, although it widens at the bottom. It's the kind of vase that holds a few flowers instead of a whole bouquet.
  
  > get the git
  You're way too bulky and heavy for me to lift with my little talons.
  
  > look at the door
  It's a big wooden door, wide enough for two humans to walk through it at once. Based on all the noise when they threw us in here, it's locked from the outside.
  
  > examine the window
  The "window" is just a space in the stones. It's smaller than a human but bigger than a raven, if you catch my drift.
  
  > open the window
  It's just an opening in the wall; there's no glass or anything.
  
  > fly through the window
  Whooooosh! I'm flying out the window to sweet, delicious
  freedom! And to sweet, delicious rotting meat, with any luck.
  
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  > examine tree
  This is a maple. It has some really nice branches higher up. It's got a good view and is relatively quiet, or it was until those stupid kids started climbing it all the time. When I settle down, my girlfriend and I are probably going to need something bigger--- maybe something where we can look out over Sandie's Hot Meats. But for now, it's where I tend to perch when I'm not doing anything for you.
  
  > fly through the window
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  > enter the tree
  From here, I can see all sorts of things. Sandie's got her Hot Meats stall set up in the middle of Big Street. The castle (and your body) are off to the south. The bank sparkles faintly in the distance. There are streamers and balloons out in front of the magic shop. Farmland stretches off to the west.
  
  Hey, there's a piece of red paper here. Argh. Humans. Get your own tree.
  
  > examine the bank
  The bank's probably our best bet for getting a lot of money at once. It's a fair distance north and then northeast of here.
  
  > examine the shop
  That's Mel's, a bit north of here and then east. We should go there to ask for advice.
  
  > examine the stall
  Sandie's Hot Meats is to the north. If we get some spare money, I'd love lunch.
  
  > Go north
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  > examine the beggar
  He's got no eyeballs. Man, that's the best part of the human. His clothes are old but mostly in one piece. He's holding out a cup for money.
  
  > examine the cup
  Inside the chipped cup is a strange coin.
  
  > take the coin
  "Don't think I can't hear you, birdie?"
  
  ...Sheesh. The story of my life is getting slapped by humans.
  
  > put the mind in the cup
  If only it was that easy.
  
  > Caw
  "Caaaaw caaaaw!"
  
  I'm not getting a response.
  
  > examine the coin
  It looks like it's made of gold and silver swirled together. The face I can see shows a lighthouse.
  
  Hmm. This coin isn't our money. It's not any money I recognize. It looks vaguely familiar, though, like--- oh! I've seen that in a book before! This is a coin from the ancient Se--- Sevoran, maybe? Anyway, there was some kind of ancient empire, and this is a coin from it. It could be worth something to a collector.
  
  > check your inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a vase
  a magic wand
  the mind of a foolish wizard
  
  > Wave wand
  Poof! A glittering coin materializes in the air in front of
  me and drops to the floor.
  
  > take coin
  (the faery coin)
  Taken.
  
  > examine faery coin
  This is one of your majick faery coins. They were incredibly useful for a while, but then some wiseacre figured out that they explode if you put salt on them. Now everyone in town knows they're not real gold. The coins are useless as currency, at least until we find a new idiot.
  
  > put the faery coin in the cup
  "Thank you, birdi---" He narrows the empty sockets where he delicious eyeballs should be. He takes the coin and taps against the side of his mug. "This sounds wrong. This is one of those magic exploding coins!"
  
  He coldly tosses the faery coin back to me.
  
  > take coin
  (the faery coin)
  I already have that.
  
  > take the strange coin
  "Don't think I can't hear you, birdie?"
  
  ...Sheesh. The story of my life is getting slapped by humans.
  
  > ask the man about the strange coin
  "Hello, birdie. You like shiny things, don't you? I like shiny things, too. Would you like to give me something shiny?"
  
  "What? No! I---" Yeah, yeah, you don't speak Raven.
  
  > go to the north
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  > ask Sandie about the hot meat
  "Awk!"
  
  "I know what you want, W.D., but I'm not giving you any food unless you have some real money. Your tab is already ridiculous."
  
  > look pathetic
  That's just a joke, boss.
  
  I can't see any such thing.
  
  > Wave wand
  Nothing happens. I think Mel said something about having to destroy the last coin first. Conservation of energy, or something.
  
  > Go east
  Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place. We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your
  bacon.
  
  The exit to the street is to the west, and there's another, smaller area of the shop to the southeast.
  
  Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.
  
  A red balloon is here, probably as part of some promotion.
  
  Mel's at the counter.
  
  I can also see a pile of assorted trinkets here.
  
  > examine the cockroaches
  Mel notices me and greets me boisterously. "Hey, W.D.! How's my favorite raven doing? How's your boss? Need more color-changing powder? I have to warn you, I don't think this 'Cow of a Different Color' project is going to catch on."
  
  "Not good, Mel. The Perfectly Foolproof Illusion on the treasury...wasn't."
  
  "Oh. Does that mean you are recently unemployed? Would you like a job? I've been meaning to branch out into delivery, but people are afraid of golems, so..."
  
  "No, no. The boss is still good, at least for a few hours. I may be back tomorrow, though. (No offense, boss.) We, er, figure the only thing that might save the chief's bacon is to, uh, turn the fake treasure into...er..."
  
  "Yes?"
  
  "...real treasure. Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a Midas potion just, you know, lying around?"
  
  Mel's normally placid face darkens, and he glowers at me. "W.D., you know that I like you and your master, but I do not typically keep potions which are primarily composed of irreplaceable components just 'lying around'. Besides, their manufacture is highly illegal, and I have an unfortunate allergy to prison."
  
  "I know, I know. It was a long shot. We just thought you might have something."
  
  Mel sighs. "I could possibly sell you some components, and then what you did with them would be up to you. But these ingredients are not cheap, and my favor to you would be selling them at all. You would have to come up with nearly enough money to repopulate the treasury on your own."
  
  "Oh. Well, I'm sure we can come up with something. I like shiny objects, after all. I can probably scrounge up some money."
  
  "All right. Good luck, W.D."
  
  ...Oh, shoot, I forgot what you asked me to do. Sorry, boss.
  
  > examine the cockroaches
  They're amazingly realistic, except for the exploding part.
  
  > eat the cockroach
  (first taking the Exploding Cockroaches)
  As you well know, those little guys are extremely unstable.
  Also, Mel's Magic Shop is you-break-it-you-buy-it.
  
  > look at the trinkets
  Mel's got a ridiculous quantity of, well, magical minutiae. There are the things over there with the...and the...and over there there's...uh, let me know if you want to search for something specific.
  
  > examine the balloon
  It's a shiny red balloon on a string, filled with that special air that makes things float. It's really shiny. We should keep it and look at it for a while.
  
  > take the balloon
  Taken.
  
  > ask Mel about the ingredients
  "So, the boss told me I should be asking for a Midas potion, but I'm not really sure what that gets us. I mean, they clearly turn things to into gold. Do I just pour it on the treasury walls and poof!
  Full of treasure again?"
  
  "If you had a true Midas potion, then yes, anything the potion touched would turn to gold, so you could turn all of your employer's decoys into real treasure," answers Mel. "Midas potions are an entire class of potions, though. There are simpler ones which turn wood to gold, or metal to gold, or silver to gold. There are also un-Midas potions, but I suspect that is not what you want.
  
  "When you get enough money for the potion's ingredients," Mel continues, "let me know."
  
  > ask Mel about the list of the ingredients
  Mel shakes his head. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."
  
  > ask Mel about the money
  "So where do we get money?"
  
  "Typically, one gets a job and does work. I suppose this isn't an option, given the time. Well, there is trade, common theft, embezzlement (although your master already appears to be proficient there), insurance fraud, day-trading, kidnapping for ransom, throwing a birthday party for yourself, faking your own death, blackmail, counterfeiting, turning in a bounty to the city guard, finding lost kittens... "
  
  > What are the the ingredients
  "Pardon? I didn't follow that," says Mel.
  
  > give the coin to Mel
  "Your employer's counterfeit money is charming, but you know I don't accept it, W.D. If you need a reminder why, please watch as I sprinkle a pinch of salt on the coin. See? It explodes--- rather more forcefully than I remember, actually. I think it's scorched the counter."
  
  > Wave wand
  Poof! A glittering coin materializes in the air in front of
  me and drops to the floor.
  
  > Go southeast
  This is the back corner of the magic shop, where Mel actually puts magical things together. He's got a giant oak workbench. Unlike your workbench, though, it's perfectly clean and shows no signs of ever having caught on fire.
  
  The front counter's back to the northwest.
  
  I can see a workbench, a shelf (on top of which are three bottles of blue dye, and a bottle of clear fluid), and a spell book here.
  
  > examine the workbench
  They probably killed some really nice tree to make this thing. If it fell on you, it would kill you. It's spotless, and it's got a nice finish that glows just a little bit. I don't know whether it's magic or just really nice polish.
  
  > look at the shelf
  An ordinary shelf.
  
  On top of the shelf are three bottles of blue dye, and a bottle of clear fluid.
  
  > look at the dye
  This is a bottle of blue dye. It contains, in my estimation, enough to dye two ravens. That is not a suggestion.
  
  > examine the clear fluid
  The bottle is filled with a colourless fluid. It's labelled, "Problem Solvent: Misspelled a word? Problem Solve-it with Problem Solvent!"
  
  > Examine book
  It's a book entitled "Transmutation Potions."
  
  > read Book
  Uh, I'm not going to read the whole book right this minute. Let me check the table of contents and see if there's anything interesting...Hey, Midas potions, page 78...mmhm...
  
  I'm just going to rip this page out and pray Mel doesn't kill me, all right?
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a faery coin
  a red balloon
  a vase
  a magic wand
  the mind of a foolish wizard
  
  > read the page
  This is a list of Midas potions:
  
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, and phoenix kidney
  
  Components: sapphire whiskey, ivory runestone, and daffodil blood
  
  Components: phoenix kidney, daffodil blood, and refined starmetal
  
  Components: unicorn fur, phoenix kidney, daffodil blood, and wizard ash
  
  Transmute any inanimate object to gold (there's a smudge after
  'gold', and I can't read what's written there)
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, ivory runestone, refined starmetal, and wizard ash
  
  Components: sapphire whiskey, phoenix kidney, ivory runestone, daffodil blood, refined starmetal, and wizard ash
  
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, phoenix kidney, ivory runestone, daffodil blood, refined starmetal, and wizard ash