text: Everything's going just dandy with your first table. You check and everyone's happy with what they ordered and they've run up an impressive alcohol tab. You only begin to worry when little Porky starts turning red and pointing to his mouth, indicating that yes, he is in fact choking. Do you-
  
  > run for help?
  Edith's ears prick up at your distress call. She wobbles over at top speed and ably dispatches the chicken bone lodged in the youngster's throat. She claps her hands and the family sighs with relief. Great, you think, watching her lingering smile- now I owe her one.
  
  > After a few more tables
  After three tables you've got $21 in your pocket. Not bad, but not great. You're getting a little greedy and envious seeing Edith count out her huge wad of bills shortly before her shift ends and she takes off. While Hugo is teaching you the finer points of using the register, he implies that he knows a way to skim a little money from the company. Do you-
  
  > inquire as to how this is done?
  Hugo teaches you how to enter your totals under different categories, most of which go unchecked and most of which can be written off as "comps." Thank God for computers, you think. Now I can line my pockets with minimal risk!
  
  > Finishing your first shift
  It's been a hard first day and your feet are killing you. YOu really could use a cold beer and don't really want to walk all the way home or wait for a bus. Julie invites you to have a drink at the bar with her. Fred also extends an invite your way. Who do you go with?
  
  > go with Julie
  With a few cocktails in her, Julie turns out to be quite the flirt and, under the close scrutiny of beer goggles, you find yourself returning her advances. The bar is quiet and you liven things up by playing a few tunes on the jukebox and cutting a rug. Her lithe body feels comforting in your hands and you wonder how far you want to lead her. Do you-
  
  > Atttempt to take her home?
  Julie flinches at the proposition. "How dare you presume-!!" You try to convince her that all you intended was a cup of joe and maybe a few games of dominoes, but the damage is done. Somehow you've crossed a line that exists only in her feeble head. She phones her boyfriend and pleas for him to pick her up. You'd better run while the gettin's good.
  
  > DAY TWO
  Your apron has already lost its luster, that much is certain. You notice also today that you've been given the worst wine key amongst all the servers. The thing is dull and warped and doesn't attach well at all to the bottle's lip. During a humdrum moment you spy Edith place her gleaming, flawless wine key down on some placemats. Do you-
  
  > leave it alone
  Being new, you decide you can suffer a bit. Besides, you have a ready made excuse- just blame the wine key for any cork fragments bobbing in someone's glass. Edith appears and slaps your ass, saying "Go on ahead if you wanna take 25, I'm full up." You nod and thank her, wondering why she's being so thoughtful. Is it a trap?
  
  > Table 25
  Two high schoolers on a prom date. The boy, clearly underage, offers you a $20 bill if you provide them with a pitcher of maragritas. Do you-
  
  > accept the bribe and say "I'll see what I can do"
  You palm the cash and tell Fred to fix up a pitcher of virgins. No harm, no foul. You're certain they'll feel the effects of the "alcohol" anyhow. And now you've got enough for your own tonight.
  
  > Table 25 continued
  God bless you! Table 41 turns out to be a gaggle of tipsy, flirtatious bachelorettes who love your style! You keep the drinks coming and by the time they eat they can't even taste the food. Dessert leaves them dumbfounded. All night they've been stuffing bills in your pocket, asking you to turn around, flex your muscles- teasing you mercilessly. Do you charge them the standard "party of 6 or more" gratuity or leave the tip up to their discretion?
  
  > Charge gratuity
  They don't tip on top of the gratuity, which you had hoped they might. Instead they leave as one, waving as they trip out the door. While clearing the dishes, you notice one of them has left behind her purse. Do you-
  
  > chase them down and try to catch them?
  You're out of breath by the time you finally get ahold of one lady you recognize. Panting, you relay your message. "Goodness!" she says "That looks like Denise's." She phones Denise and apprizes her of the situation. You're enjoying the fresh air but wonder if you need to get back to the restaurant. Do you-
  
  > make sure the purse is returned to its rightful owner?
  Your dilignece and thoroughness pay off. Denise turns out to be the loveliest of the group and she rewards your good deed with her phone number. Though a bit older than you she seems a) well off and b)hot to trot. Do you
  
  > call her after work?
  Denise turns out to be one heck of a ride! Who would've thought total, complete and utter happiness would have come in one little package? Yep, you've hit the jackpot, mister! Congratulate yourself because you've been ushered into a new era. Granted, there's a bit of typical pride swallowing, but this is one sugar mamma you love to serve. Whether it's lounging in her pool or napping nude in her ocean of silk sheets, you scarcely miss the life you've left behind. Least of all Pablo's, the hellhole from which all of this sprung. So raise that mimosa and give a toast- of all the ways things could've turned out, you've gotta like this the most.