text: [Themes: Fantasy, funny, humor, silly, king arthur]
  
  The party planner tells me that your interpreter uses the Glk API. Does your interpreter normally have a status bar? (If this question confuses you, answer "yes")
  
  Please answer YES or NO:
  
  [Author's Note: A story told at the crossroads of levity and destiny!]
  
  > No
  You have long held the belief that New Year's parties are the gold standard against which all other parties in the forthcoming year are judged. So far, this one has been holding up quite well. You won at all of the drinking games- in this case, "winning" is holding one's liquor like a champ, since you can't get a ping pong ball in a plastic cup (or any other drinking game feat, really) to save your life. Now seems like as good a time as any to get yourself some grub, though, so you don't hit a wall.
  
  Just yesterday, you were just some guy named "Arthur," content to live a life of obscurity. Tonight, though, you're...
  
  Party Arty, Man of La Munchies
  Written for The Penultimate New Year's Speed IF Entry (Footnote 1)
  
  Hugo v3.1 / Library 31031
  Type ABOUT for more information.
  
  By the Snack Table                              New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  The dining room has been converted into Snack Central. A buffet table is completely adorned with every kind of finger food imagineable.
  
  Sticking upright out of the center of a plate of nachos is the most perfect nacho you have ever seen.
  
  > take the nacho
  You grab at the perfect nacho, but the nacho is lodged pretty well into the plate's coagulated cheese. Looks like it'll take to take a proper yank.
  
  > Yank nacho
  Driven by some inner force, you clasp your fingers around the nacho. The two seem made for one another. You pull. Nothing happens. You strain harder. The nacho gives a little, and then....
  
  The lights darken momentarily, as if afflicted by a power surge. When your vision clears, you are somewhere else completely.
  
  A path leads up to this cave. A multitude of stars shine down.
  
  A wizened figure with an unkempt beard is here. You take him to be Merlin, the legendary wizard.
  
  A rock is here.
  
  Merlin addresses you:
  "Arthur, you have proven yourself a worthy champion in the face of adversity. I must ask you to retrieve an item of great importance from a room upstairs in this house. I cannot assist except to lend you three powers that you will have to use to your advantage.
  
  [1] "Whoa, did you send me back in time?"
  [2] "An object of great importance?"
  [3] "Three powers, you say?"
  [4] "I thought you aged in reverse!"
  
  > 1
  "Whoa, did you send me back in time?"
  
  Merlin says, "I did! Pretty cool, huh? Don't worry; you'll be sent
  back soon enough."
  
  You consider your other options.
  
  [1] "An object of great importance?"
  [2] "Three powers, you say?"
  [3] "I thought you aged in reverse!"
  
  > 2
  "Three powers, you say?"
  
  "Unfortunately, magic isn't what it once was. In the good old days,
  I'd give you the power to turn into all sorts of animals. A turtle, even! Can you imagine that? A turtle! I no longer have that kind of power to share, but I can augment you in other ways. Just use the magic command 'DUR' followed by the trait you wish:
  
  DUR BRAWN - gain great strength
  DUR TINY - become smaller in stature
  DUR NORMAL - go back to normal traits
  
  If you forget which powers are available to you, try the 'POWERS' command!"
  
  "'Dur,' huh? I can remember that," you say.
  
  You consider your other options.
  
  [1] "An object of great importance?"
  [2] "I thought you aged in reverse!"
  
  > 2
  "I thought you aged in reverse!"
  
  Merlin answers, "Geez, it's not like this game is canon!"
  
  You consider your other options.
  
  [1] "An object of great importance?"
  
  > 1
  "An object of great importance?"
  
  Merlin says, "Sinister forces prevent me from telling you what the object is, but you will know it when you see it."
  
  Merlin continues. "When you have retrieved the item, go to where the snack table rests. There, you will find the item's rightful place!"
  
  The room goes dark once more. When your vision clears, Merlin is gone and you are back at the party!
  
  By the Snack Table                              New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  The dining room has been converted into Snack Central. A buffet table is completely adorned with every kind of finger food imagineable.
  
  To the north is the living room, which has been converted into a makeshift dance floor. You know from past experience that the stairs to the second floor is on the other side.
  
  > examine Table
  The snack table looks just like you would expect.
  
  Sitting on the snack table is a plate of nachos.
  
  > About yourself
  Looking good.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying a perfect nacho.
  
  > eat the nacho
  Crunch. Man, that was good.
  
  > Go north
  Living Room                                     New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  The room is packed with moving bodies. It's kind of like the dance scene in Matrix Reloaded except without the weighty sense of disappointment. South leads to the dining room, and north heads to a staircase.
  
  A ton of people are dancing, dancing, dancing.
  
  > Dance
  You cut the rug for a little while.
  
  > look at the people
  Wow, these cats have some moves.
  
  > talk to the people
  The party goers are listening.
  
  > Dur wit
  You feel your conversational skills becoming all brilliant-like.
  
  > Go north
  It is impossible to make any headway, what with all of the dancers in your way.
  
  > Dur brawn
  You feel your conversational skills going to hell again. You feel the strength of a thousand men surging through you.
  
  > Go north
  With your extra strength, you could seriously hurt someone.
  
  > Dur tiny
  You feel your strength diminishing to mortal levels. You feel yourself becoming smaller, until everything around you looks much larger.
  
  > go north
  Being so small, it is easy for you to evade the moving bodies, at the price of seeing a lot of feet and butts. You make it to the other side.
  
  Bottom of Stairs                                New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  Going up will take you to the second floor while heading south leads back to the living room.
  
  Travel up the stairs is blocked by a cordon.
  
  > examine the cordon
  This is one of those barriers you see at parties where a ribbon cordons off a stairwell or room that the hosts don't want people entering. This one is held up feebly by tape on its sides. A handwritten sign attached to it kindly asks that guests remain downstairs.
  
  > Dur brawn
  You feel your height growing to its normal size. You feel the strength of a thousand men surging through you.
  
  > Up
  With strength ripping through you, you tear through the tape and its implied restrictions. A beast such as yourself cannot be contained. You continue on your way!
  
  Midway Up the Stairs                            New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  This is just a place, halfway up the stairs. You know.
  
  > Up
  Upstairs Hallway                                New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  Doors head off in several directions. A staircase leads down.
  
  Some guy is standing around up here, guarding the good house
  bathroom.
  
  He notices you. He says, "Hey guy. You know, you really shouldn't be up here."
  
  [1] "Um..."
  [2] "Er..."
  [3] "Duh..."
  [4] "...Huh"
  
  > 1
  "Um..."
  
  Unable to elequently articulate anything, you turn around and head back to the stairs.
  
  Midway Up the Stairs                            New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  This is just a place, halfway up the stairs. You know.
  
  > Dur wit
  You feel your strength diminishing to mortal levels. You feel your conversational skills becoming all brilliant-like.
  
  > go up
  Upstairs Hallway                                New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  Doors head off in several directions. A staircase leads down.
  
  Some guy is standing around up here, guarding the good house
  bathroom.
  
  The dude notices you again. He says, "C'mon, buddy. You shouldn't be here."
  
  [1] "How appropriate. You talk like a cow. "
  [2] "Even BEFORE I smell your breath?"
  [3] "So you got that job as janitor, after all."
  [4] "There are no words for how disgusting you are."
  
  > 3
  "So you got that job as janitor, after all."
  
  Dumbfounded by your brilliance, the guy looks at you for a moment before departing down the stairs. Presumably, he left to get reinforcements, but you probably have managed to buy yourself some time.
  
  Upstairs Hallway                                New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  Doors head off in several directions. A staircase leads down.
  
  Moreso than any other door in this hallway, your attention is drawn
  to an exit to the east which leads to some kind of study.
  
  > go east
  Study                                           New Year's Eve, Nearly Midnight
  This is a fancy study. Leather chair, oak desk, ornate globe- you
  name it.
  
  Despite the study's classy appearance, a model car sits in a place of honor on a display shelf. Seriously, you just can't make collecting classy.
  
  > look at the car
  This is a model of the Excalibur automobile, a roadster built in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, that was styled after the 1928 Mercedes-Benz SSK. You don't see many of these around.
  
  > Dur tiny
  You feel your conversational skills going to hell again. You feel yourself becoming smaller, until everything around you looks much larger.
  
  > Dur brawn
  You feel your height growing to its normal size. You feel the strength of a thousand men surging through you.
  
  > Dur tiny
  You feel your strength diminishing to mortal levels. You feel yourself becoming smaller, until everything around you looks much larger.