text: [Themes: Children's, Humor, Literary, female protagonist, fairy tale]
  
  > look around
  A large wooden sign informs me that I'm in the Enchanted Forest. What it doesn't tell me is how the hell I get out! Everywhere I look there are trees, trees, trees. This place definately has a 'tree' theme going. A clearly marked path leads south and west, whilst in every other direction are, well, trees.
  An old pedlar is sitting on a log here, tending to his bunions.
  
  > Go south
  I'm on a path winding through the Enchanted Forest. The path winds its way from the north towards the west. In every other direction there are dark, sinister looking trees that wave their branches at me in an anthropomorphic kind of way. Ooh, I'm soooo scared!
  
  > Wave
  I wave, feeling foolish.
  
  > climb the tree
  I don't see much point in doing that. Besides, I'd only ladder my tights!
  
  > go south
  I'm wandering in the forest lost and completely disorientated! Everywhere I look there are strange, twisted trees, and what's more they all look exactly the same! I'm beginning to think it was a really bad idea to leave the path...
  
  > climb the tree
  I don't see much point in doing that. Besides, I'd only ladder my tights!
  
  Can't help feeling I'm being watched...
  
  > Sing
  My singing is abominable.
  
  > Smell
  I smell nothing unexpected.
  
  Uh-oh - what's that? I could have sworn I saw a pair of big, yellow eyes staring at me through the leaves...
  
  > go west
  I'm walking in a trackless wilderness of tall, straight trees whose mighty trunks remind me of the time I got lost among the Axminsters at CarpetWorld aged six. I can go in just about any direction, but they all look the same to me.
  
  > go north
  I'm on a path winding through the Enchanted Forest. The path winds its way from the north towards the west. In every other direction there are dark, sinister looking trees that wave their branches at me in an anthropomorphic kind of way. Ooh, I'm soooo scared!
  
  > go west
  As I head off along the path a pathetic, mangey looking wolf jumps out from behind a bush and slobbers at me in what he probably hopes is a menacing way.
  'I am the Big Bad Wolf!' says he. Then, after an awkward pause he
  adds 'well, what are you waiting for? Aren't you going to ask me the way to Grandma's house?' He looks at me quizzically for a moment and then slaps his forehead.
  'My humblest apologies!' he says. 'You are not the young woman I
  seek. She of the crimson shawl must needs be elsewhere!' He darts back into the forest.
  
  I'm at a fork in the path. Not the kind of fork you eat with, the sort where the path forks; you know, like a fork. To the north the path widens into a clearing. To the west it disappears into the forest.
  
  > ask the pedlar about Wolf
  'Lots of wolves around here, love. Got to be careful, you have. Nearly got eaten by one myself, I did. But see, I'm clever. Canny. Outsmarted him, love. They're none too bright, your average wolf.'
  
  > ask the pedlar about the beans
  'That's right love, magic, they are. Not your ordinary beans, these.'
  
  > ask the pedlar about the cow
  'That's right love, just one cow for a whole packet. Bargain.'
  
  > ask the pedlar about the tree
  'Do you know what? I hadn't even noticed them. Want to buy some beans?'
  
  > Go west
  I'm pretty sure that's the direction I came from when I entered the forest, so let's go a different way.
  
  > go west
  I'm at a fork in the path. Not the kind of fork you eat with, the sort where the path forks; you know, like a fork. To the north the path widens into a clearing. To the west it disappears into the forest.
  
  > go to the north
  I'm in a clearing. There is a teeny tiny cottage here complete with a thatched roof and leaded windows. It's just like something out of a fairy tale, funnily enough, except for the large hand-painted sign designed to deter trespassers. Just to the north is the front porch. A little path lined by rows of white-painted stones leads around the side of the house to the west.
  
  > read the sign
  Trespassers will be prostrate.
  
  > look at the cottage
  Talk about bijou! It's not much bigger than a shoebox. There's a little chimney on the roof.
  
  > examine the stones
  A crazy-paving path that leads around the side of the house towards a small garden. It's lined by rows of large stones that have for some reason been painted white. Somebody's been watching too many of those gardening programmes on TV.
  
  > take stones
  That's hardly portable.
  
  > go to the west
  I'm in a little garden alongside the cottage. There's a vegetable plot in a sunny spot by the wall and on the other side of the garden a somewhat neglected ornamental pond. There's obviously been some attempt at landscaping but the effect is less Capability Brown and more incapable bruin. A ramshackle potting shed completes the image of horticultural incompetence. To the north, an overgrown pergola leads into a meadow.
  
  > look at the plot
  It's in a sunny spot by the side of the cottage. There's a bunch of leaves sticking out of the ground there; weird! Also in the plot is an overripe pumpkin.
  
  > examine the pond
  The Three Bears' attempt at a 'water feature' is rather small and choked with pond weed. I think I see something small and green moving below the surface!
  
  > get the pumpkin
  Taken.
  
  > Examine leaves
  Just sticking out of the ground. Wacky. I wonder who put them there.
  
  > get the leaves
  I take hold of the leaves and give them a good yank. Something pops out of the ground in a great shower of earth! There seems to be some kinda root vegetable actually attached to the leaves. Weird; I always thought these things came from tins!
  
  > examine the root
  It's big and lumpy and covered in mud. Do people actually eat these things?
  
  > Inventory
  I am carrying:
  a turnip
  an overripe pumpkin
  a wristwatch (being worn)
  a "distressed" Laura Ashley dress (being worn)
  
  > examine the pond
  The Three Bears' attempt at a 'water feature' is rather small and choked with pond weed. I think I see something small and green moving below the surface!
  
  The Three Bears' attempt at a 'water feature' is rather small and choked with pond weed. I think I see something small and green moving below the surface!
  
  > Drink pond
  There's not enough water to swim in.
  
  There's nothing suitable to drink here.
  
  > enter the pond
  Two things: One; the pond is only two feet deep. Two; I'm not swimming in a murky bloody pond. Okay?
  
  > eat the pumpkin
  I think I'll pass on that, thankyou.
  
  > examine the pergola
  It leads into a small meadow bounded by a rickety fence.
  
  > enter the shed
  I'm in the potting shed, a ramshackle structure that was obviously cobbled together in five minutes some idle Sunday afternoon. I didn't know bears had green fingers. In fact I didn't know they had fingers at all. Plant pots of all sizes are scattered about the shed untidily and the whole place is festooned with cobwebs.
  In the corner is an old metal trunk marked 'FISHING TACKLE.'
  
  I can also see a pair of secateurs and a ratty old paintbrush here.
  
  > examine the secateurs
  A pair of pruning clippers, for pruning things I guess. What does pruning have to do with prunes? The pair of secateurs are covered in rust.
  
  > get it
  That's hardly portable.
  
  > look at it
  I've seen more hair on a skinhead but at a pinch it's probably still serviceable.
  
  > examine the trunk
  It's a battered old thing with the words 'FISHING TACKLE' crudely painted on the lid. The old metal trunk is closed.
  
  > open it
  I open the trunk. It contains some sticks of dynamite. If this is what Papa Bear thinks of as fishing tackle I dread to think what he uses for hunting - a Sherman tank, perhaps?
  
  > look at pots
  The plant pots are piled precariously against the wall of the shed.
  
  > Search pots
  I find a trowel and a pair of gardening gloves, which I take.
  
  > move the pots
  Those are fixed in place.