text: [Themes: Humor, Wordplay, intelligent pig, wordplay, riddle]
  
  > Go downwards
  This is the mansion's spacious ground-floor antechamber. The wallpaper is peeling and bits of plaster have fallen from the ceiling here and there. There is a stairway, stable enough to ascend. The big area to the w must have once been a separate room, but the demolition crew seems to have already taken out a wall. A living room is e. On the s side is the front door. A Dumpster has been dumped here.
  
  A door to the n, leading out back, is open.
  
  A pig sits here calmly. He is quiet and oddly attired.
  
  > Ogay upway
  The pig looks up at you with a smile, understanding the language you're speaking.
  
  The pig glances in the direction indicated.
  
  The pig proceeds at a moderate gait, moving along as you asked.
  
  > Up
  The lobby of the mansion's initial floor - the one above the ground floor - is an ordinary and fairly well-maintained room. There are some things scrawled on the ground here, in the contractor's handwriting: '1 object' is written to the north, while toward the other three exits on this floor '2' is scrawled. The stairway that runs down to the foyer turns and continues up, to the next floor. The constrained passages to the south, east, west, and north look as if they might spell trouble. Or perhaps they simply spell 'SEWN.'
  
  A pig sits here calmly. He is quiet and oddly attired.
  
  > Go upward
  This lobby, allowing access to the rooms of the next-to-next-to-top floor, is in good shape. It is very similar to the lobby below, although the ceiling may be a bit lower. Here there are only three passages. Two of them (to the n and e) are normal passages, but one, to the s, is oddly constrained. It has an ominous sign above it. The main stairway leads d, while another staircase, straight and narrow, allows passage u to the next floor.
  
  A pig sits here calmly. He is quiet and oddly attired.
  
  > Ogay estway
  The pig looks up at you with a smile, understanding the language you're speaking.
  
  The pig glances in the direction indicated.
  
  The pig does not seem troubled by the constrained double doors west. The pig proceeds at a moderate gait, moving along as you asked.
  
  > Go west
  This is a reasonably-sized bedroom, laid out symmetrically. On the room's centerline is a scan of two photographs, framed and affixed to the wall. A double doorway, now bereft of doors but clearly marked "EXIT," leads out, to the e.
  
  Fortunately, someone's already cleared out the twin beds.
  
  A pig sits here calmly. He is quiet and oddly attired.
  
  Your object-sensitive eyes also notice: ... pile of feed.
  
  > Feed feed
  (to pig)
  The pig smiles at your polite offer of the feed and delicately (but quickly) nibbles away at the pile, consuming all of it. Sated, the pig departs. You hear the stately animal clopping down flight after flight of stairs. Then the front door swings open and shut, and the sounds are no more.
  
  [+6.]
  
  > go west
  Yadda yadda.
  
  > feel
  What do you want to feel?
  
  > jump
  You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
  
  > look at the widget
  Wow! Wacky, wireless widget, worked whimsically with whorls. Widget's workings? Well ... widget wants worth. Warrantless widget!
  
  > look at weapon
  Weighty. Whittled walnut. Warrior's worthy weapon.
  
  > look at the effigy
  Enemy effigy. Extreme enormity evident. Execrable evildoer!
  
  > look at the dinosaur
  The toy dinosaur looks like a triceratops. It is made of injection-molded plastic, and colored the same pale, milky green all over.
  
  > look at the stylus
  Small stylus, straight, short. Stylus shan't suit staff, studiously scribbling symbols. Styptic stylus! Shaving scratch? Smooth stylus, soothing sorrowful slit - salvation.
  
  > take all from Dumpster
  lovely loveseat: This furniture isn't going anywhere like that.
  wooden weapon: Removed.
  stylus: Removed.
  dust casing: Removed.
  wee writ: Removed.
  copybook: Removed.
  abecedarian book: Removed.
  stainless steel stapler: Removed.
  weird widget: Removed.
  evil effigy: Removed.
  earthen ewer: Removed.
  nifty nappy: Removed.
  toy dinosaur: Removed.
  
  > Go up
  The lobby of the mansion's initial floor - the one above the ground floor - is an ordinary and fairly well-maintained room. There are some things scrawled on the ground here, in the contractor's handwriting: '1 object' is written to the n, while toward the other three exits on this floor '2' is scrawled. The stairway that runs d to the foyer turns and continues u, to the next floor. The constrained passages to the n, e, w, and s look as if they might spell trouble. Or perhaps they simply spell 'NEWS.'
  
  > Go upward
  This lobby, allowing access to the rooms of the next-to-next-to-top floor, is in good shape. It is very similar to the lobby below, although the ceiling may be a bit lower. Here there are only three passages. Two of them (to the n and e) are normal passages, but one, to the s, is oddly constrained. It has an ominous sign above it. The main stairway leads d, while another staircase, straight and narrow, allows passage u to the next floor.
  
  > Go up
  This is the mansion's top floor. The whole level, barely illuminated in the pale, milky glow of the toy dinosaur, is one large room. It seems partially finished, like an attic. Fiberglass insulation bulges between bare boards. There are no windows. A stairway leads d.
  
  Your object-sensitive eyes notice: ... manual.
  
  [+5.]
  
  > examine the insulation
  The insulation is pink, sort of fuzzy, and with a strange sort of medical or metallic glitter. An outfit made of this material might serve as fetishwear for a Sesame Street character.
  
  > get the insulation
  You lose your grip on the insulation as you attempt to pull out a bit. It doesn't look like it can be taken, in this case.
  
  > examine AA
  It's a shiny PowerTreat-brand AA cell.