text: [Themes: Afterlife, Haunted  House, Satire, hell]
  
  > Look around
  You're in a lobby, decorated with a very high-tech look: the walls
  are brushed stainless steel; the illumination is provided by black track lighting suspended from an intricate network of black metal railing; the furniture is black and angular. Along the far wall, spelled out in four-foot-high Helvetica Medium Extended letters carved from granite, is the word:
  
  In the center of the lobby is a huge black leather couch, and a low black marble coffee table. A hallway leads east, and an exit leads north, back out to the street.
  
  > look at the couch
  The couch is very large. It's upholstered in black leather, and has a shiny chrome frame. There's nothing on the couch.
  
  > Go east
  You're in a hallway that leads east and west. All along the south
  wall are closely-spaced doors; all of the doors are closed, except for one. The hall continues to the east.
  
  > Go south
  You're in a small cubicle, bordered on the east and west by six-foot-high partitions, and on the south by a desk. There's a chair that occupies most of the rest of the space. A door is to the north; the door is open.
  On the other side of the desk is a very large, bright white room. Several men and women are walking about the room, consulting with each other; each is wearing a long white lab coat, and carrying a black metal clipboard stuffed with papers. Overhead, you notice a small opening in the ceiling.
  As you enter, one of the women in labcoats walks over to you. "Ah,
  you must be subject 32," she says with a bit of impatience in her voice. "Everyone else is ready to begin. Now, if you'd take your seat, we could proceed with the experiment." She walks back toward the center of the room and confers with another of the scientists.
  
  > go to the east
  You're at the east end of a long hallway. To the east is a closed door. Next to the door is a slot; a small red light is above the slot. The hall continues back to the west.
  
  > look at the door
  It's a sliding metal door. It's currently closed.
  
  > Go north
  You're in the cavernous interior of the main office of the Bank of Hell. The style is very 19th Century: the building itself is made of granite blocks; huge oak desks with dark green and burgundy leather armchairs are arranged in neat rows behind the counter that runs the width of the room; and dozens of tellers dressed in dark pinstripe vests and bow ties stand behind the counter, each at a window with a stack of papers and a green banker's light, waiting on a customer.
  The exit is to the south.
  
  One of the tellers waves you over to his window. "Can I help you?" he asks.
  
  The teller looks at you expectantly.
  
  > examine teller
  He looks to be in his early thirties. Like all the other tellers, he's dressed in a pin-stripe vest, white shirt, and bow tie.
  
  The teller looks at you expectantly.
  
  > ask the teller about Bank
  He seems more interested in discussing bank business.
  
  The teller looks at you expectantly.
  
  > ask teller about 319
  I don't know how to ask anything about the number 319.
  
  The teller looks at you expectantly.
  
  > ask teller about the withdrawal
  I don't know the word "business".
  
  I don't know the word "withdrawal".
  
  > go to the southwest
  You're in an alley between two large low-rise buildings, one to the east and one to the west. The alley dead-ends to the south; you can go out to the north.
  At the south end of the alley is a large dumpster.
  
  > look at the dumpster
  It's a really large, very smelly dumpster. Over the edge of the dumpster, you can see a pair of flippers sticking up. Unfortunately, you can't quite reach them from here.
  
  > drop the toolbox
  Dropped.
  
  > take the toolbox
  Taken.
  
  > examine the flippers
  They're sticking up out of the trash in the dumpster. You can't quite reach them from here.
  
  > take the flippers with the rope
  All you can manage to do is push them away from you. You'll have to get into the dumpster somehow.
  
  > climb the dumpster
  It's too high to climb into.
  
  > examine Building
  It's just a building.
  
  > Go north
  A man whose clothes are on fire is running around in circles, flailing his arms and screaming. He runs off to the west.
  
  > go east
  You're in a sparsely-populated rural area east of town. The road
  leads west into the city, but ends here; to the east is an open field; you can also go south, where the terrain becomes rocky and hilly. A small farmhouse lies to the north.
  
  > Go north
  You're in a small, deserted, one-room farmhouse. The building is
  very old and rickety, and all the paint has long since peeled off the walls. You can go through doors to the south and east.
  You see a portable radio here.
  
  > Unlock toolbox
  What do you want to unlock it with?
  
  > turn on the radio
  The radio is now turned on.
  
  The radio plays annoying heavy metal music.
  
  > examine the radio
  It's a HadesCorp WaveMaster 2000 portable transistor radio. It has a dial that lets you set the frequency, and a switch for turning the radio on and off (the switch is currently in the on position). On the back is a small compartment.
  
  On the radio, an annoying heavy metal deejay talks about a radio contest.
  
  > turn the radio dial
  What do you want to turn it to?
  
  > 319
  Okay, it's now turned to 319.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Many drivers find it very confusing that every type of zone has its own speed limit. No two zones have the same speed limit. In addition, there are too many types of zones -- we have School Zones, Hospital Zones, Library Zones, Residential Zones, and Freeway Zones. This is more than we need."
  
  > go east
  You're in a large yard outside an old, abandoned barn. The area is overgrown with weeds; it obviously hasn't been used in many years. A rusty old wellhead sticks out of the weeds; a large metal bucket is hanging from the well. The farmhouse is to the west, and the entrance to the barn is to the north.
  
  A woman on the radio says, "I believe that both Hospital Zones and 43 mile-per-hour zones need to be reconsidered."
  
  > take all
  bucket: Taken.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Possibly, but I think it's a much more pressing problem that the color of speed limit signs in School Zones is blue."
  
  > take the bucket
  You already have the bucket!
  
  The woman on the radio responds, "What color would you suggest? Green is already taken by 59 mile-per-hour zones."
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  On the radio, a second woman enters the conversation. "Yes, but both School Zones and 27 mile-per-hour zones have large signs, while Library Zones -- not to mention 43 mile-per-hour zones -- have only medium-sized signs. It doesn't seem appropriate somehow."
  
  > look at the bucket
  It's an old rusty metal bucket. It's empty.
  
  The man on the radio says, "Now I've forgotten -- is the speed limit in a residental zone 17 or 23 miles per hour?"
  
  > examine well
  It's a hand-pumped well. It has a long lever, and a spout. The pump looks very old and corroded.
  
  The first woman on the radio says, "I can't remember, but I know that either School Zones or Hospital Zones are 23 miles per hour."
  
  > search weeds
  You find nothing of interest.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Do you swear to uphold the procedures and policies of the Ministry of Information, to use appropriate rubber stamps on all forms, and to completely and accurately fill in all parts of forms marked Office Use Only and/or Do Not Write Above and/or Below Line?"
  
  > go to the north
  You're in an old, rickety barn. The area smells of rotting wood and damp decay. The usual farm implements are scattered around the barn:
  a pitchfork stuck into a bale of hay, several stalls for horses.
  In the center of the barn is a small single-engine airplane. It's
  an open-cockpit, high-wing tail-dragger. It's painted a faded yellow. The exit is to the south.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > examine the airplane
  It's a tail-dragger with an open cockpit. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there's any hope that it can be made to work; the engine looks dismantled and corroded. It looks like you could get in the plane if you wanted, though.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > enter it
  You're in the cockpit of a very old airplane. From here, you can
  see just how hopeless it would be to try to get it flying: the control stick has been removed, leaving a gaping hole in the floor, and the airframe is quite rotted.
  Even the seat has been removed. At the rear of the cockpit area is
  a large compartment, which is closed.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > open compartment
  Which compartment do you mean, the radio compartment, or the storage compartment?
  
  > Storage
  It's jammed shut; you'll need to get something to pry it open with.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > Go outside
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > examine the pitchfork
  It has a handle about five feet long, and three sharp metal prongs space about six inches apart.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > take it
  Taken. Now all you need is some horns and a pointy tail, and you'd own this place!
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > enter the stall
  Why? Hoping to return as a horse in your next life?
  
  A man on the radio says, "Many drivers find it very confusing that every type of zone has its own speed limit. No two zones have the same speed limit. In addition, there are too many types of zones -- we have School Zones, Hospital Zones, Library Zones, Residential Zones, and Freeway Zones. This is more than we need."
  
  > check your inventory
  You have a printed note, a rope, a dead light bulb, a toolbox, a portable radio, a bucket, and a pitchfork.
  
  A woman on the radio says, "I believe that both Hospital Zones and 43 mile-per-hour zones need to be reconsidered."
  
  > Go upwards
  You can't go that way.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Possibly, but I think it's a much more pressing problem that the color of speed limit signs in School Zones is blue."
  
  > Go south
  The woman on the radio responds, "What color would you suggest? Green is already taken by 59 mile-per-hour zones."
  
  > Go west
  On the radio, a second woman enters the conversation. "Yes, but both School Zones and 27 mile-per-hour zones have large signs, while Library Zones -- not to mention 43 mile-per-hour zones -- have only medium-sized signs. It doesn't seem appropriate somehow."
  
  > go to the south
  The man on the radio says, "Now I've forgotten -- is the speed limit in a residental zone 17 or 23 miles per hour?"
  
  > go to the east
  You're in a large, open field. The ground is peppered with clumps
  of scrubby grass. A road lies to the west. You can see a tall mountain range in the distance to the southeast.
  There's a large jackrabbit hopping around, foraging for food.
  
  The first woman on the radio says, "I can't remember, but I know that either School Zones or Hospital Zones are 23 miles per hour."
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > look at the mountains
  You can't make out much detail from this distance. The tallest point, to the southeast, looks like a volcano.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Do you swear to uphold the procedures and policies of the Ministry of Information, to use appropriate rubber stamps on all forms, and to completely and accurately fill in all parts of forms marked Office Use Only and/or Do Not Write Above and/or Below Line?"
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > examine the grass
  It's brown and looks very tough.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > Go southeast
  There's nothing in that direction except more of the same empty field.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > look at the volcano
  You can't make out much detail from this distance. The tallest point, to the southeast, looks like a volcano.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  The rabbit hops around the field.
  
  > Go south
  You're on a gently sloping, rocky hillside at the base of a tall mountain. The granite surface of the hillside hosts no vegetation. Looming high above to the east is the steep cone of a volcano; clouds of dark smoke rise steadily above the cone. You can climb into the mountains to the east, and you can also go north, back to the road.
  
  Someone on the radio says, "I do."
  
  > examine the volcano
  It's hard to see much, thanks to all of the steam and dust rising out of the cauldron, but you can see quite a lot of red-hot, glowing, molten rock.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Many drivers find it very confusing that every type of zone has its own speed limit. No two zones have the same speed limit. In addition, there are too many types of zones -- we have School Zones, Hospital Zones, Library Zones, Residential Zones, and Freeway Zones. This is more than we need."
  
  > Go south
  You're in a large, cylindrical cave with smooth, black walls.
  Running through the south end of the cave is a wide, swiftly-flowing river of lava, which flows downhill to the east. The lava pours in through an orifice in the western wall. An exit leads back outside to the north.
  
  A man on the radio says, "Possibly, but I think it's a much more pressing problem that the color of speed limit signs in School Zones is blue."
  
  > Go south
  The searing heat of the lava shoots through your body, making you try desperately to escape the river. As you flail around, though, you start to realize that the lava isn't harming you, despite the intense pain. As you start to get used to the blistering heat, you notice that you're being swept rapidly downstream...
  
  The river of lava is flowing swiftly downhill to the east.
  
  The lava flow starts to carry you downstream.
  
  The woman on the radio responds, "What color would you suggest? Green is already taken by 59 mile-per-hour zones."