text: [Themes: edutainment, humor]
  
  Oh you're so complex and nobody understands you. Or more likely nobody even cares.
  
  In any case you become withdrawn and start dressing in black constantly. You stay in your room a lot with the shades drawn and the lights low and don't move too much.
  
  Once a day your mother dusts you and leaves some food and drink by your bed.
  Once a week your father takes your pulse to make sure you're actually still alive.
  
  In school you're a little more active, (Well you DO still have to walk to class) but not much. You're about as popular as you were before, but now you have the added bonus of being known as that "creepy guy". Folks sometimes whisper things about you, most of them quite amusing to people other than yourself. Oddly you aren't physically bullied, but that might be due to you being known as the creepy guy. (Because we ALL know the creepy guy is the one most likely to come to school and massacre everyone)
  
  > sink into deep depression because nobody still "gets" you
  You sink further into depression, you're just SOOOOO tormented and misunderstood. Or more likely you're a little drama queen that's...
  
  Hey, maybe THAT'S your problem! YOU KNOW what we're talking about!
  
  You snap out of your self-pity for a minute and think really hard of WHY you don't fit in with everyone else, perhaps if you figure it out then maybe that can be the first steps to getting better.
  
  > Well, you guess you do have some weird feelings...
  You remember when you were little of how you liked to dress up in Mommy's clothing and how you always thought her make up was pretty. You remember your Dad severely beating you after you said you wanted a Barbie doll. Oh why didn't he just let you be who you were? You've had to deny yourself of your true feeling all this time. Oh it's just so sad...
  
  THAT'S why you're so depressed! THAT'S why you don't feel like you fit in! THAT'S why you longingly look at all the rest of guys in the shower room wishing that you were the bar of soap they use...
  
  But first things first! You've just come to accept the fact that you're gay. Now the really hard part begins. Are you going to proudly come out in pink colored hot pants and announce it to everyone or are you going to hide in the closet like a scared little Nancy boy?
  
  > You're coming out and reaching for that rainbow baby!
  You're going to do it; you refuse to live in the closet! You prance out of your room, skip downstairs and reveal to your parents...
  
  "I'm gay and I'm proud of it! And I don't care what you guys think!"
  
  Your parents take awhile to acknowledge your revelation.
  
  "Gay huh? You'd think you'd have a better sense of fashion." You Mom says sipping her coffee as she points to your drab clothing.
  "...what? I was confused! I was depressed! I was struggling with who I was!" you dramatically whine.
  "Should've just asked me, I could've told you that you were gay. Can't say I didn't see this one coming." You Dad remarks not looking up from his book.
  
  You're almost disappointed that they aren't making a big deal out of this.
  
  "Don't you guys care?!"
  "Why should we? We've accepted the fact that we failed as parents a long time ago. This just confirms it. Personally I'm just glad you're not moping anymore. That was getting to be really boring. If you're going to be a pillow biter though I suggest you keep it a secret at school. They may not be as understanding of your decadent lifestyle as we are." Your Mom says.
  "Speaking of decadence, are we still going that party tonight?" you Dad asks your Mom.
  "Yes, and remember to bring your own leash this time. Last time you caught that rash on your neck from using someone else's."
  
  While your parents relive one of their swinger parties you dejectedly go back to your room. You feel like someone's let all the air out of your tires because you really hoping for some attention of any kind. You're depressed all over again, except now it's even worse because you're gay too!
  
  > carry on with your alternative yet sinful lifestyle
  Hey to hell with your parents! If they don't love you, then you'll find it else where! You're a gay guy after all, finding love shouldn't be that much of a problem. All you have to do is find another one of your kind and say "Blow me" and nine times out of ten your wish will come true! You're gonna live it up from now on and honey is it gonna be FABULOUS!
  
  You end up going back to school with a completely different look and attitude. People immediately notice it and you like the fact that they notice it! You're a stereotypical flamer and if you were any gayer, Richard Simmons eating a hotdog in a Turkish prison would look straight by comparison.
  
  You get called names every now and then, but since you end up being on such good terms with most of the popular females, the regular homophobic jock types don't give you too bad of a time seeing as they don't want to look too "insensitive" to their cheerleader girlfriends.
  
  The rest of your social life improves as well since you now frequent raves a lot in the city, while taking massive amounts of XTC and indulging in LOTS of unprotected gay sex. You're very popular inside and outside of school and at last you feel loved! Well at least temporarily. Deep down you still aren't very happy, but of course your solution to this is to go get more love to fill up that eternal void which will never be filled.
  
  Unsurprisingly all this "love" leads you catch herpes on your mouth, gonorrhea on your dick and AIDS in your ass, you silly faggot!
  
  Ultimately, people find out and abandon you like the plague carrier you are, and you eventually die a horrible lingering death.
  
  The moral of the story?
  
  Don't be gay, it really isn't as cool as actors makes it look like on TV or if you MUST be gay, choose a life partner and don't go sucking and fucking every guy you see.
  
  And now you know!