text: Well it's not much better than Billy's, but at least you won't have to put up with teenage co-workers.
  
  You head over to Jim's and enter his dank, dark repair shop. A large American Flag adorns the wall right along side a Confederate one. Various weapons are mounted on the walls, probably already loaded and fully functional. Johnny Cash can be heard faintly in the shop and the place reeks of WD-40, smoke and fused metal. Jim doesn't repair shit so much as he just fiddles with it until it somehow works. You hear the squeaking of wheels and see a billow of smoke..."Big" Jim comes from out from his office and there he is, in all his legless, chain smoking, wheelchair glory.
  
  "Goddammit Mel, what the fuck do you want?" he shouts at you.
  "I want a fucking job, you mean old bastard! Why the hell is it so empty in here?"
  "That fucking commie bastard Petrov down the street opened up a repair place down the street, so people are going there now! Can you fucking believe that shit? I'm a fucking (COUGH COUGH!) war hero!"
  "Yeah, well maybe if this place didn't look like a fucking dungeon, people might want to actually come in here."
  "Motherfucker I spent a year in a fucking tiger pit with no goddamn sunlight, my eyes never got accustomed to bright light after that! I'd like to see how long you would've lasted in the bush against Charlie!" Jim says wheeling up to you and poking you in the chest.
  "What going on down there!?" you hear a higher pitched voice come from the upstairs living area of the shop.
  "Nevermind Mei Mei! Go back to your fuckin' cleaning!"
  "Fuck you, you legless American pig!"
  "I bet you wished you hadn't saved her from that village now, eh? So I guess with business being slow, you aren't hiring?"
  "Thing aren't that bad, and as much as I'm loathed to admit I could use some help and you just might come in handy. You can either help me repair shit around here, or (COUGH!) perhaps you'd like to go on a little mission for me."
  
  > go on a mission
  Well you're not too keen on doing some REAL work, so you ask what Jim's mission is.
  
  "Go in Petrov's and do some recon for me."
  "What good is that gonna do? What you think he's got some kind of secret weapon or some shit? The fuckin' cold war's over you know!"
  "Fuck you! I know that commie bastard's (COUGH!) got something over there that's drawing more people there, find out what it is!"
  "Haven't you ever been in the shop?"
  "No. And I ain't setting foot in some soviet store front!"
  "Setting foot?" you snicker.
  "You know what I mean wise ass! (COUGH!) Now you got your orders, now go!
  "Yeah, yeah."
  
  You exit and head down to Petrov's. You don't even know what you're supposed to be doing, let alone how to go about doing it! All you know is, you've had a run in with Petrov before and it didn't end well. The place is a lot brighter than Jim's. It almost looks too clean to be a repair shop. There's an unrecognizable flag of some country you've never heard of (let alone pronounce) on the wall. You see Petrov, he's chain smoking as much as Jim, but is somehow twice as dirty and grungy.
  
  "YOU! You there! I remember you! You call me communist asshole! Get out of shop and kiss my dick!" Petrov yells as soon as you enter.
  
  Nope he still doesn't like you.
  
  > approach him in a friendly manner
  "Petrov! I'm not here to fight! I'm sorry I called you a communist. I know you Russians..."
  "I not Russian you ignorant backwood hillbilly! I Roslakian! I HATE fucking Russians! They shit! They can all get fucked in ass with big dick! Like the homosexuals no?"
  "Erm, yeah. Okay Petrov."
  "So! What you want fucker of mothers?"
  
  You can barely contain your laughter of Petrov's complete annihilation of English swearing.
  "Well I was just wondering what kind of shop you were running here, I'm looking for a job."
  "Ah you want job? Yes yes yes! I have what you need in back! Wait....you not cop are you?"
  
  You're a little confused by what exactly is going on, but it would appear everything here isn't exactly on the up and up.
  "Petrov, do I look like a goddamn cop?"
  "I do not know! You ignorant redneck Americans all look alike to me. I see the Cops TV show! I know you set up and fuck people in ass with plunger! Just like back in Old Country!"
  "Look I'm not a fuckin' cop! I just want to work here."
  Petrov gives you a different look.
  "Oh! Oh, OH! I sorry my friend, my English is not very good. I misunderstand."
  "No shit."
  "So you want work here, okay I could use big strong man like you here. You stay here in front and when people come in store, direct them to back. If they give trouble, beat shit out of them! Yes?"
  "Okay. But isn't this a repair shop?"
  "Hahahahahahaha! You did not know? You most certainly are not cop. No, my friend! This only look like repair shop! Actually is... what is the correct term in English....ah yes! House of Whores!"
  
  Well you found out why Petrov's is so popular...
  
  > go tell Jim
  "Hey Petrov, I gotta leave for a split second, I'll be right back!"
  "Very well, but hurry up. Customers be here soon, and I have hard time working as greeter and looker after of girls in back... Anastasia! Make sure you have on nurse outfit on!"
  
  You hurry out the door and go report to Jim. He seems a little less mad though.
  
  "Is that all? Here I thought people were taking their broken shit to him, but it turns out they aren't and business is just slow. He's just running a whore house right?"
  "Well as far as I know, he's not repairing anything in there."
  "Fuck it then, its not cutting into my business. Nuthin' wrong with whores. Hell it even sounds down right capitalist. Glad to see not all those (COUGH!) ex-soviets are still trying to cling to the old commie ways. Makes me proud that I killed all (COUGH!) those red bastards in the war. I knew we were fuckin' right! Well here's your money." Jim says and hands over some cash.
  
  With your new found wealth you decide to go buy your favorite alcoholic beverage, which would include anything that you can get a lot of for cheap, and head home. You proceed to get loaded and watch bad science fiction with women dressed in latex space suits. Tina comes home and begins the interrogation.
  
  "So did you get a job today?"
  "Yeah! (hic!) I had to do some James Bond shit for Big Jim. He thought Petrov was running a repair shop, but it turns out (hic!) he was just running a whore house! Hahaha! (hic!)"
  "What?! That's not fucking funny! No wonder there's been less people coming into the strip club! Those cheap commie whores have been taking all our business! Fuck that. That shit ain't flying. Gimme that!" Tina takes the bottle of liquor from your hand, and your truck keys.
  "Where you goin' baby?"
  "I'm gonna fuckin' firebomb that commie cathouse!" Tina says and slams the door.
  "Hey (hic!) pick up some more beer on the way back!"