text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  Well it's not people, but it sounds like the next best thing.
  
  "Okay bring on the swine cause I'm about to slice me a pig and slice him thick!"
  "Well hold on there killer! I'm glad to see your enthusiasm, but yer gonna have to take up the killin' manner with Junior."
  "What?"
  "Tarnation Mel! You DO remember Junior right? He's a little slow but a good boy an' a hard worker. He's not much for the conversation, but he sho' knows how to kill dem pigs, I'll tell ya what! Got a natural talent fer it but he gets a little over protective of his nitch."
  "So why do you want me to help at all then?"
  "Well that boy spends TOO much time in that there slaughter house. He ain't been home fer days! His momma's worried about him an' I have to admit I am too. I figure if you can give him a break from the pig killin' for awhile, maybe he'll actually come visit us on his own accord. Okay then, the pig I'll leave you to it."
  
  Wonderful Clem has left you to deal with a retard armed with butcher tools with a love for killing. You approach the small slaughter house. You can hear the sounds of squealing pigs either being killed or awaiting their impending doom. Flies buzz all around and the smell of death is enduring here. As soon as you step in, you feel cold and your boots feel the squishiness of guts on the floor blood is everywhere. Pigs run back and forth in their pens frantically trying to escape, except for one big fat one all by himself in the back that's sleeping peacefully. (Or maybe it's dead, you can't tell from here)
  A big deformed man looks up from his recent kill and directs his attention immediately on you.
  "WHO YOU?" he asks gripping his meat cleaver. This could only be Junior.
  "I'm your cousin Mel, easy there. Your dad sent me to help."
  
  "He knows that, but he says you're overworked, and you should have some help. He's worried about you."
  Junior looks at you for a minute and then speaks.
  
  > chop up
  "Well you seem to be doing a good job at the killin' bit, so I guess I'll chop 'em up. What do I do exactly?"
  "TAKE THIS! SPLIT PIGGIES OPEN AND REMOVE STUFF INSIDE!" Junior says handing you his big cleaver.
  "Erm Okay, but where do I throw away the stuff?"
  "NOT THROW AWAY! JUST PUT ASIDE! USE INSIDES FOR OTHER FOOD! SORT LATER!" Junior points agitatedly to a big table full of guts and other pig organs.
  "PUT REST OF PIGGY UP ON HOOKS!" Junior then points to some porkers on some wicked looking meat hooks.
  
  You begin on the nearest dead pig and start slicing and hacking away, as Junior continues to bash the brains out of another pig. You're still working on your first pig and Junior's already killed five of them.
  
  "YOU TOO SLOW! LAZY!" Junior says getting agitated again that the bodies aren't being chopped up as fast as he's killing them.
  "Hey you got the easy job! Chopping these motherfuckers up takes more fuckin' time than splitting their skulls open!"
  Junior didn't quite make out all you said, but got the basic idea of it.
  "HM! YOU NEED TECH HELP 'CAUSE YOU SLOW AND LAZY...HERE USE THIS!" Junior hands you a chainsaw, you look at the big stainless steel rotary blade in wonder. It's almost like an extension of your dick.
  "Oh shit. Fuck yeah! This is what I'm talkin' about!" you say and power up the chainsaw and begin carving up the swine and getting totally into it, until Junior starts to get irritated yet again.
  
  Junior's REALLY getting on your nerves at this point...
  
  > do what he says
  "Alright, alright! Fuck." You say and start cutting a little cleaner, and scooping out the entrails. You figure you'll let Junior put the damn things on the hooks since you aren't about to break your back lifting these things. They're too high for you to reach anyway.
  
  You and Junior work with the squealing of pigs and the buzz of the chainsaw being the only sounds in the place. Junior makes no more comments to you other than a strange humming sound he seems to be muttering to himself. Suddenly after he kills his last pig he stops humming and heads into a back room and closes the door. You continue to cut up the pigs he killed. Of course with the chainsaw you're done quicker than you normally would be. There aren't any more pigs in here either save the big fat one that's in the back pen. It hasn't moved the whole time you've been here. You suspect it's already dead. It does look kind of old. Well time to chop it up.
  
  You enter the pen and rev up the chainsaw again. Man this pig is an ugly one; he's only got one eye. You wonder how he got to be so old since the pigs around here are usually killed soon after they reach a certain age. You stop wondering when the other eye opens up!
  
  "GWWWEEEE!" The pig squeals and charges at you! You're caught off guard and drop the chainsaw! It catches the side of the pig causing a wound, but doesn't slow it from ramming you in the nuts, tossing you out of the pen. You go flying to back of the wall. Junior comes out of the back room with some weird pig mask on.
  
  "WHAT..." Junior looks over at the large pig which is lying down now squealing in pain. "YOU TRY HURT PET PIGGY!"
  You hold your crotch in pain and slowly get up, "What the fuck? How the hell was I supposed to know? Ah shit my nuts!"
  "RAAAGH!" Junior shouts and picks something up in the back room he's in. You hear the buzz of a saw...
  
  "Oh fuck!" You begin to run and Junior isn't too far behind. You see Clem and run towards him.
  "Your son's gone completely fuckin' hog wild! Get the fuck outta here Clem!"
  
  Clem attempts to stop Junior, thinking he'll halt for him, but he's met with a saw blade to the head! You just barely get to your truck and drive off but not before the side of it catches a long blade gash on it. He chases you for awhile, but eventually you lose him. You get to your trailer and start getting out your guns just in case, but you calm down a bit when you watch the news later.
  
  "...this is Arnold from WHIC News, and I'm in one of our choppers where I've just witnessed a big man with a large object, possibly a chainsaw, chasing what looks to be a small scantily clad woman. There looks to be two other bodies on the ground, one male and one grotesquely immense woman, either that its an abnormally large pig, in any case we have informed the police about..."
  
  Tina comes home.
  "Well, I had a shitty day at work. What happened with you?"
  "Oh, I may have inadvertently caused a few less chairs at the dinner table for my next family reunion. Three to be exact..."
  
  "...OH MY GOD! Oh the humanity!" the news caster remarks.
  
  "...no wait make that four."