text: [Themes: Fantasy, cyborg, rpg, parody, sex, sidekick NPC, pseudo-old-school, treasure hunt, satire, humour, male protagonist, pirate]
  
  > Descend
  Sa-ho! By Huron's boundless eyebrow, this is a party! Here in this GRAVEL PIT, a collection of rowdies and jackanapes have made an outlaw camp, with drink and music and fighting galore! The center of attention seems to be a GLADIATOR'S RING.
  
  You see a nearby CHALLENGE POST, and a PARTY OF ROGUES stands by, engaged in revels and high jinks.
  
  > Assail darth
  Your attack is too hasty, and it fails!
  
  You see why they call him VON DARTH THE SLY! He is suddenly attacking your left side, just as you moved to defend your right! You have suffered 7 hits of damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  Taste barbarian rage, VON DARTH THE SLY! You scored 13 points of damage!
  
  VON DARTH THE SLY croaks a curse as he misses!
  
  > Assail darth
  You lash out with the rage of your barbarian ancestors! You scored
  10 points of damage!
  
  VON DARTH THE SLY attacks! You have suffered 7 hits of
  damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  A skillful attack if you do say so yourself! You scored 8 points
  of damage!
  
  With a happy snarl, VON DARTH leaps to the attack! You have
  suffered 9 hits of damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  By Huron's unattainable undergarment! Thou hast missest!
  
  You see why they call him VON DARTH THE SLY! He is suddenly attacking your left side, just as you moved to defend your right! You have suffered 7 hits of damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  You leap, and strike! You scored 12 points of damage!
  
  VON DARTH brings his MACHETE to bear! You have suffered 8 hits of damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  By Huron's perverted puppetry! A mighty blow! You scored 16 points
  of damage!
  
  You see why they call him VON DARTH THE SLY! He is suddenly attacking your left side, just as you moved to defend your right! You have suffered 7 hits of damage!
  
  > Assail darth
  You hit hard, snarling with rage! You scored 7 points of damage, leaving VON DARTH THE SLY at your mercy!
  
  VON DARTH THE SLY is defeated!
  
  With your final blow, VON DARTH THE SLY is cast to the dust and gravel, his face bloodied, and his mutant extra arm lolling lamely to one side of his neck.
  
  The crowd erupts in cheers, and you accept their ale and accolades. Extending the hand of fellowship to your foe, you help VON DARTH to his feet, and he smiles a bloody-toothed smile. "Aye, barbarian! Now THAT was a proper beating you gave me, and no mistake! It was a privilege."
  
  The crowd cheers again, and you nod in silent assent. VON DARTH gives a weak salute and limps away to heal for a while, and eventually the crowd returns to their revels.
  
  Sa-ho! By Huron's vanishing vacuoles, this is a party! Here in this GRAVEL PIT, a collection of rowdies and jackanapes have made an outlaw camp, with drink and music and fighting galore! The center of attention seems to be a GLADIATOR'S RING.
  
  You see a nearby CHALLENGE POST, and a PARTY OF ROGUES stands by, engaged in revels and high jinks.
  
  > Regard POST
  The CHALLENGE POST is a wooden pole hung with dyed banners, each representing a GLADIATOR willing to meet challengers. Beginning with the lowest, the banners are BLUE, GREEN, GOLD, and RED. There is room for one more banner above the others, but RED is presently the highest on the POST.
  
  A nearby rogue espies your curiosity, and sayeth "If ye wish a bout, barbarian, SEIZE the banner of your chosen foe, to display your challenge!"
  
  > Regard ring
  The GLADIATOR'S RING is a simple open space where the gravel has been flattened in an open circle, to mark a place of battle.
  
  > Regard RED
  The RED BANNER is an embroidered bit of dyed canvas, made perhaps of sailcloth. It bears the personal SIGIL of a GRAVEL-PIT GLADIATOR.
  
  > regard the sigil
  Which do you mean, the BLUE BANNER, the GREEN BANNER, the GOLD BANNER or the RED BANNER?
  
  > regard green BANNER
  The GREEN BANNER is an embroidered bit of dyed canvas, made perhaps of sailcloth. It bears the personal SIGIL of a GRAVEL-PIT GLADIATOR.
  
  > regard gold BANNER
  The GOLD BANNER is an embroidered bit of dyed canvas, made perhaps of sailcloth. It bears the personal SIGIL of a GRAVEL-PIT GLADIATOR.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You bear the following (both on your person and stashed in your trusty THESKIAN DUFFEL BAG): a PYREXIAN EYE, a DELICATELY-OILED CLOTH, a SLAB OF SNOW-SERPENT MEAT, a TWO-HANDED SWORD (held at the ready), an EAR OF CORN, a SUIT OF CHAINMAIL ARMOR (being worn), some STINKY BAIT, a SUIT OF BURLAP ARMOR (currently un-used), a FLASHLIGHT and a GLADIUS SWORD (currently un-used).
  
  > regard the meat
  The SLAB OF SNOW-SERPENT MEAT shines in its raw ichor. Your tribe has long known that the flesh of this beast, once properly ripened and then consumed rapidly, has magic healing properties that allow Warriors to defeat foes much more powerful than they. Useful, for a Warrior-born such as you! This slab has now ripened; the ichor swirls with prismatic power and the stench is comforting.
  
  > go to the south
  The pine trees have the first dustings of winter, here, and you espy much more snow to the east, in the FROSTED UPLANDS. The runoff feeds a briskly-flowing stream, which flows west toward the CASTLE. Marshier country lay to the south.
  
  A bit upstream from you, a GRIZZLY BEAR is fishing for food, but not having much luck. The BEAR doesn't seem hostile.
  
  You sure could use a good fight.
  
  > give the CORN to bear
  Thou hast exceeded the limits of SCIENTIFIC TECHNO-REASONING. Refer to your game manual for assistance.
  
  > use the CORN on bear
  You extend the EAR OF CORN toward the GRIZZLY, and the great BEAR'S nose twitches damply as it looks up from the fresh flowing waters of the stream.
  
  Slowly, cautiously, the GRIZZLY approaches. He sniffs at the EAR OF CORN, motivated by obvious hunger, but grunts sadly, and returns to pawing the water in hopes.
  
  > Regard STREAM
  It's only a BRISKLY-FLOWING STREAM, but it hath a certain charm.
  
  > Go west
  This ancient bridge crosses a stream running down from the uplands to the east, and disappearing into a small CULVERT at the base of a cliff. This cliff, and the SLAVER KING'S CASTLE atop it, casts an icy shadow over the bridge. There is no path to the CASTLE from here, but the ROYAL ROAD lies to the north.
  
  > go to the west
  You tread carefully, here. This is the city of the SLAVER KING, and he may have spies anywhere! Fortunately, the crowd here at the docks is a varied, noisy mass of people and creatures from all corners of Vanth. The MARKETPLACE further north surrounds the CASTLE entrance. The DARK ALLEYWAY immediately south might offer shelter if the guards come running.
  
  A GROUP OF PIRATES stands around the gangplank of a mighty PIRATE SHIP, deciding who may or may not go IN.
  
  > go to the south
  Places like this wretched ALLEYWAY make you yearn for the clean air and freedom of the open country. Buildings lean against one another, far above your head, and RATS scurry around the base of a large BARREL. To the north lay the bustling quayside. To the south, you could easily scramble over the city wall and up a brambly hill.
  
  Light shines from a half-open doorway nearby, you could go IN if you wanted. The air from the doorway smells of subtle perfumes and spices.
  
  > Go inside
  You find yourself in a soft maze of colored veils, leading to a large bed piled with furs and cloth pillows. There are no candles or oil-lamps here, but rather globes of red glass lit by magic, pulsing with the rhythm of soft music.
  
  The DELICATE DOXY reclines on the bed, REGARDING you quietly, grinning playfully, and chewing on a bit of her auburn hair. "Hello again, barbarian," she says.
  
  > give CORN to VESSA
  Select with care thy endeavors, barbarian. The HELP command may offer some remedy.
  
  > use CORN on VESSA
  VESSA smiles, and gently caresses the EAR OF CORN. "Oh, barbarian, that's a very wicked thought, and you know I'd adore taking
  you to my bed, but really, that isn't respectful payment for what I can offer you." Her smile brightens. "If you bring me some proper payment, it might be fun if you bring the EAR OF CORN along as well ..."
  
  > go south
  This dismal GRAVEYARD sits on a hill cloaked in mist, overlooking the SLAVER KING'S seedy SEAPORT to the north. There are hundreds of gravestones, some cracked with centuries of age, some quite new. There is a single large TOMB that a brave soul might choose to ENTER.
  
  The breeze dies entirely; now the air is completely still.
  
  > use the eye on SLUG
  You waggle the PYREXIAN EYE at the RUIN SLUG, making gurgly noises. The RUIN SLUG looks at you like you're an idiot.
  
  > Go east
  This is the edge of a great cliff, looking over a vast CHASM to the south. The mists are so heavy within that you can barely detect a raging river far, far below.
  
  A tiny TREE clings tenaciously to the edge of the cliff.
  
  > go east
  A high WATERFALL cascades down from a mountain ridge above, foaming and roaring into a broad POOL of clean water. The result is a brilliant PRISMATIC SPRAY. The setting is very peaceful.
  
  Swimming in the crystalline POOL is a MAGIC FISH, chasing glittering insects that hover near the water's surface.
  
  > use BAIT on FISH
  You lower the STINKY BAIT to tempt the MAGIC FISH, but the FISH darts away rapidly. It seems that MAGIC FISH have better taste in BAIT than your average MIRE IMP.
  
  > Go north
  The pine trees have the first dustings of winter, here, and you espy much more snow to the east, in the FROSTED UPLANDS. The runoff feeds a briskly-flowing stream, which flows west toward the CASTLE. Marshier country lay to the south.
  
  A bit upstream from you, a GRIZZLY BEAR is fishing for food, but not having much luck. The BEAR doesn't seem hostile.
  
  You hear a gentle cracking noise somewhere nearby, like rocks tumbling onto one another.
  
  > Go west
  This ancient bridge crosses a stream running down from the uplands to the east, and disappearing into a small CULVERT at the base of a cliff. This cliff, and the SLAVER KING'S CASTLE atop it, casts an icy shadow over the bridge. There is no path to the CASTLE from here, but the ROYAL ROAD lies to the north.
  
  > Regard the pipes
  The water dripping from the PIPES is strangely iridescent.
  
  You are weakening so quickly ... Your barbarian instinct is to get far from here ...
  
  > use the pipes
  Creative! But fruitless.
  
  You are weakening so quickly ... Your barbarian instinct is to get far from here ...
  
  > Up
  You stand in the uppermost chamber of the strange crystalline tower. The air here is thick with energy and flooded with light from no particular source. There is a blinding whiteness, as if you're in a vast field of snow ... but the air is hot, not cold.
  
  Floating in mid-air is a beautiful NECKLACE OF STARLIGHT, a dazzling treasure!
  
  > get NECKLACE
  Just as your fingertips brush the scintillating surface of the NECKLACE OF STARLIGHT, a sizzling shock throws you backward across the room! Crackling energies coalesce into a grinning, sparkling WRAITH of ELECTRO-PHASIC QUASIMATTER! A deadly VOLTAIC WRAITH!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH misses, and hisses, and this is good news!
  
  > Attack wraith
  By Huron's Palladian pagoda, a blow to be remembered! You scored
  15 points of damage!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH misses, and hisses, and this is good news!
  
  > Attack wraith
  You were too slow that time. A miss!
  
  The WRAITH attacks! You have suffered 13 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  Sa-ho! You give the VOLTAIC WRAITH a sampling of your TWO-HANDED SWORD, but good! You scored 10 points of damage!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH lashes out with a bolt of DEADLY PHASIC ELECTRO-HATE! You have suffered 17 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  A skillful attack if you do say so yourself! You scored 12 points
  of damage!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH misses, and hisses, and this is good news!
  
  > Attack wraith
  By Huron's ghoulish bycocket, your TWO-HANDED SWORD lands home!
  You scored 6 points of damage!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH unleashes twin arcs of STATIC IRE! You have suffered 19 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  Your foe is astonished by your speed as you strike hard! You
  scored 13 points of damage, leaving the VOLTAIC WRAITH at your
  mercy!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH is defeated!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH hisses and pops, and evaporates in a puff of acrid ozone. You hear a distant echo, an electric, sizzling voice: "BARBARIAN! I WILL ... RETURN ... FOR VENGEANCE!"
  
  Then, you hear the gentle report of girlish laughter. A very beautiful ELF girl, dressed in a tight white body-suit, calls out to you from high above, where she clings to the slick crystalline ceiling by some unknown magic!
  
  "Thank you, fair barbarian, for defeating the VOLTAIC WRAITH! I never could have done so on my own, and so, without you, I never could have obtained this NECKLACE OF STARLIGHT!"
  
  With a wink, she squirms out through a venting-hole in the crystal, and slides away into the snow, where she vanishes like a white rabbit.
  
  (press a key when ready)
  
  > press SPACE
  You stand in the uppermost chamber of the strange crystalline tower. The air here is thick with energy and flooded with light from no particular source. There is a blinding whiteness, as if you're in a vast field of snow ... but the air is hot, not cold.
  
  > Go north
  The snow on this mountain slope is all but undisturbed, and it glows a rich orange in the light of the setting sun. You can see that sun, far to the west, sinking into the sea. Its rays touch also on an ornate structure: You may (if you dare) ENTER a black TEMPLE to the Viraxian Demon-Gods.
  
  You hear a distant crackle, as if through the ELECTRIC ETHER, a sizzling note of hate!
  
  > go east
  No good path leads that way, and thou art not of the Pioneer class!
  
  There is a sharp smell of ozone, and a faint electric sizzling in the air.
  
  > Go inside
  Your nostrils flare at the lingering smoke from incense, and at the strong scent of holy oils. The TEMPLE is ancient, cold and dark, with but dim shafts of smoky light from high windows. In the center of the room is an ALTAR, on which a SACRIFICE is being prepared.
  
  You can see the VIRAXIAN INCENSE, the ACOLYTE OF TRAGA and GINA THE VIRGIN SACRIFICE here.
  
  There is a sharp smell of ozone, and a faint electric sizzling can be heard nearby.
  
  > use GLADIUS on ACOLYTE
  "Ah, barbarian, you have come with a GLADIUS SWORD in trade! This will be most useful in defending the TEMPLE from invaders. Please accept this valuable FIERY JEWEL and wander in peace."
  
  There is a sharp smell of ozone, and a faint electric sizzling can be heard nearby.
  
  > Parley with ACOLYTE
  The ACOLYTE busies himself with holy matters, and has no time to chat further.
  
  There is a sharp smell of ozone, and a faint electric sizzling can be heard nearby.
  
  > go west
  The snow on this mountain slope is all but undisturbed, and it glows a rich orange in the light of the setting sun. You can see that sun, far to the west, sinking into the sea. Its rays touch also on an ornate structure: You may (if you dare) ENTER a black TEMPLE to the Viraxian Demon-Gods.
  
  You can see a VOLTAIC WRAITH here.
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH misses, and hisses, and this is good news!
  
  > Attack wraith
  By Huron's nine unnerving nephews, you strike hard and true! You scored 7 points of damage!
  
  With a sinister CRACKLING, the air around you EXPLODES with violent ELECTRIC DEATH! You have suffered 7 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  You lash out with the rage of your barbarian ancestors! You scored
  14 points of damage!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH lashes out with a bolt of DEADLY PHASIC ELECTRO-HATE! You have suffered 16 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  You attack with all your might! You scored 12 points of
  damage!
  
  With a sinister CRACKLING, the air around you EXPLODES with violent ELECTRIC DEATH! You have suffered 3 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  Damn and blast! A miss!
  
  The WRAITH attacks! You have suffered 13 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack wraith
  Sa-ho! A mighty attack! You scored 11 points of damage, leaving
  the VOLTAIC WRAITH at your mercy!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH is defeated!
  
  The VOLTAIC WRAITH hisses and pops, and evaporates in a puff of acrid ozone. You hear a distant echo, an electric, sizzling voice: "BARBARIAN! YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF MY ELECTRO-SPITE!"
  
  The snow on this mountain slope is all but undisturbed, and it glows a rich orange in the light of the setting sun. You can see that sun, far to the west, sinking into the sea. Its rays touch also on an ornate structure: You may (if you dare) ENTER a black TEMPLE to the Viraxian Demon-Gods.
  
  > use JEWEL on DOXY
  "Oh, barbarian!" the lass coos, running her finger across the surface of the gem, inspiring sparks to coil beneath its surface. "'Tis none other than a Vulkin Amber Sapphire! Long have I coveted such a thing!" She looks you up and down, and quietly closes the boudoir door. "This will buy you many unusual pleasures ..."
  
  ... Many hours (and many unusual pleasures) later, VESSA THE DELICATE DOXY lay naked beside you, tracing a finger along your corded neck and regarding your physique with silent amusement. After a time, she speaks:
  
  "Barbarian, your mien leaves no mistake and while I am but young, I am wise in the ways of the court, for many of the SLAVER KING'S lords do visit to play in my PERFUMED BOUDOIR. I have heard tell of a barbarian who escaped from the slave-caravan, a barbarian with fire in his eyes ... eyes that might look eagerly toward bloody vengeance on the SLAVER KING. What say you?"
  
  Reading your silence, the DOXY draws out a SCROLL from beneath her pillow. "Here are some notes I've kept, young lion, young panther, young upland ecru-spotted lynx, some other ... rumors ... that may be of use to one brave enough to challenge a kingdom." She stares into your eyes. "I believe that such a man as you (she says this with a growling purr) may indeed be a threat to the SLAVER KING, and the SLAVER KING treats Doxies most cruelly. I would love to see him punished."
  
  ... Many more hours (and etc) later, you emerge from the DOXY's chambers, sated and well-pleased, and scented with jasmine and feminine ardour.
  
  Places like this wretched ALLEYWAY make you yearn for the clean air and freedom of the open country. Buildings lean against one another, far above your head, and RATS scurry around the base of a large BARREL. To the north lay the bustling quayside. To the south, you could easily scramble over the city wall and up a brambly hill.
  
  Light shines from a half-open doorway nearby, you could go IN if you wanted. The air from the doorway smells of subtle perfumes and spices.
  
  > Regard SCROLL
  The SCROLL is perfumed with a delicate touch, gilt at the edges, and decorated with lovely script that flows over and under itself in a way you find most enchanting. You have never learned to read these complex runes of the civilized realms, but even a man such as you can be awed by such artful penmanship. The simpler runes at the top say SECRETS OF STATE.
  
  > check your inventory
  You bear the following (both on your person and stashed in your trusty THESKIAN DUFFEL BAG): the SECRETS OF STATE, a PYREXIAN EYE, a DELICATELY-OILED CLOTH, a SLAB OF SNOW-SERPENT MEAT, a TWO-HANDED SWORD (held at the ready), an EAR OF CORN, a SUIT OF CHAINMAIL ARMOR (being worn), some STINKY BAIT, a SUIT OF BURLAP ARMOR (currently un-used) and a FLASHLIGHT.
  
  > go to the south
  This dismal GRAVEYARD sits on a hill cloaked in mist, overlooking the SLAVER KING'S seedy SEAPORT to the north. There are hundreds of gravestones, some cracked with centuries of age, some quite new. There is a single large TOMB that a brave soul might choose to ENTER.
  
  > Go east
  Cracked remnants of walls and a stretch of weed-grown cobblestones tell of an old temple or abbey ... perhaps even a village. Whatever it was, it now lies in ROCKY RUIN. Poking through the remnants, you notice a shadowy archway leading IN to one small structure that remains intact.
  
  Simply walking IN, however, isn't currently an option, as a vast RUIN SLUG - the largest you've ever seen - is basking its slimy bulk in the evening sun, right near the entrance. The SLUG makes no move toward you, but you'd have to ASSAIL it (and survive) to find out what lay beyond the arch.
  
  You can also see a TELEPHONE POLE here.
  
  > look at the spray
  The WATERFALL cascades down from streams high up toward MOUNT GELIDUS. It's very lovely and refreshing. There's almost nowhere to stand, here, where you aren't catching some spray.
  
  You spot a rare STEELWING BUTTERFLY resting on a nearby stone, but it flutters away before you can catch it.
  
  > examine the butterfly
  'Tis unworthy of thy manly attentions.
  
  > examine the tree
  The TREES are much like any TREES, and they smelleth nice.
  
  > get the tree
  When thy saga is writ and thy story told and maidens swoon to hear it, the tale-tellers will, in kindness and in mercy, skip the part where the TREES hath distracted thee so.
  
  > regard well
  Now that you mention it, they really are a mysterious example
  of a WELL.
  
  > enter well
  The WELL seemeth somewhat less than comfy.
  
  > assail well
  I've seen this tragedy before. The alluring proximity of a WELL can drive many a hero to gibbering madness.
  
  The ground is unusually soft; you have to pick up your feet to keep from sinking.
  
  > go to the west
  You tread carefully, here. This is the city of the SLAVER KING, and he may have spies anywhere! Fortunately, the crowd here at the docks is a varied, noisy mass of people and creatures from all corners of Vanth. The MARKETPLACE further north surrounds the CASTLE entrance. The DARK ALLEYWAY immediately south might offer shelter if the guards come running.
  
  A GROUP OF PIRATES stands around the gangplank of a mighty PIRATE SHIP, deciding who may or may not go IN.
  
  > go to the north
  This busy MARKETPLACE is the heart of the town, nestled against the mighty GATES of the CASTLE. You are careful to keep a low profile here, directly beneath the looming facade of the SLAVER KING'S own citadel.
  
  A lone GUARD stands watch before the GATES, staring ahead dutifully and ignoring the throng of the MARKETPLACE.
  
  > Go north
  An elderly LIGHTHOUSE is here (you could go IN), warning ships against the dangers of the rocky coastline. This stretch includes some soft sand as well as rocks ... a small beach looking out on the SEA OF GREAT PERIL. Over some bluffs to the immediate south, you can hear the sounds of the SLAVER KING'S harbor town. To the east are some pines.
  
  HARK! You hear a girlish SCREAM from the nearby PINE FOREST!
  
  > go to the east
  This is a peaceful forest of tall pines, with a well-worn road leading west, toward the SEASHORE, and east.
  
  There is a SOLID GOLD STATUE here, gently shaded by the PINE TREES along the side of the road. The entire area is draped in gauzy, oversized WEBS of sticky translucence.
  
  > Regard the statue
  It is a very alluring statue of a comely ELF wench, slight but womany. Ah, but not just ANY comely ELF wench! This is the girl who robbed you of your prize when first you met the VOLTAIC WRAITH in that crystalline tower in the FROSTED UPLANDS! That would explain why this statue wears the NECKLACE OF STARLIGHT!
  
  > get NECKLACE
  You lift the delicate necklace from the golden neck of the ELF girl, and you are well pleased. But what is that sudden CLACKING NOISE just behind thee?
  
  The GIANT GOLD SPIDER attacks! You have suffered 6 hits of
  damage!
  
  > Attack spider
  By Huron's fibrillating uvula, a fine hit! You scored 14 points of damage!
  
  Its MANDIBLE-FANG-MAW dripping with deadly MIDAS VENOM, the GIANT GOLD SPIDER moves in for the kill! You have suffered 20 hits of
  damage!
  
  > go west
  The WEBS laid around the statue are a deadly trap! You cannot escape!
  
  The GIANT GOLD SPIDER dances from tree to tree, spinning more webs!
  
  > use the eye on the webs
  I know you want to set the world on fire, barbarian, but try approaching it as more of a metaphor.
  
  With a chittering of 24 KARAT HUNGER, the GIANT GOLD SPIDER dines on your flesh! You have suffered 16 hits of damage!
  
  > Attack spider
  You lunge deep, and strike! You scored 17 points of damage!
  
  While you are stumbling over a sticky WEB, the GIANT GOLD SPIDER pierces you with its GOLDEN DEATH PROBE! You have suffered 18 hits
  of damage!
  
  > Attack spider
  You attack! You scored 10 points of damage!
  
  Drawing you deeper into the WEBS with each attack and retreat, the GIANT GOLD SPIDER strikes without mercy! You have suffered 14 hits
  of damage!
  
  > Attack spider
  Taste barbarian rage, GIANT GOLD SPIDER! You scored 9 points of damage!
  
  Its MANDIBLE-FANG-MAW dripping with deadly MIDAS VENOM, the GIANT GOLD SPIDER moves in for the kill! You have suffered 11 hits of
  damage!