text: [Themes: Puzzle, Fantasy, Humor, old school, nonhuman protagonist, non-human protagonist, humor]
  
  > look around
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a young guardsman here.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > Up
  This must be where the guards sleep. There are a bunch of cots here. A tired guardsman is sitting before a pile of paperwork, with an inkpad and wastebasket next to him. There's a staircase leading down to the main part of the guardhouse.
  
  I can see some cots (on top of which is a coarse blanket) here.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Examine page
  Which do you mean, the vellum page, the vellum page, or the torn page?
  
  > examine the cots
  A row of spartan cots.
  
  On top of the cots is a coarse blanket.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > examine the blanket
  A coarse woolen blanket. It smells like guard.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the blanket
  Nghnghhngh! Sorry, boss, but the blanket is too heavy for me
  to budge. I did manage to tear a bit off the corner with my beak, though.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Smell blanket
  Well, I tell you one thing, boss. Somewhere there is food, and I'm not eating it, and that's a sad, sad thing.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take the bit
  (the scrap of paper)
  I already have that.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  an iron key
  a scrap of paper
  a mechanical moustache
  a vellum page
  a vase
  an egg
  a scarf
  some farming tools
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of a desperate wizard
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take corner
  Taken.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine the stack
  They look like various administrative forms. The guardsman is methodically stamping a signature onto each one.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > look at the forms
  They look like various administrative forms. The guardsman is methodically stamping a signature onto each one.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine stamp
  It's an oversized stamp with some sort of squiggly, almost illegible signature on its underside. If I had to guess, I'd say it was the treasurer's, but it could be yours. It might even be mine.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > take the stamp
  That seems to belong to the tired guardsman.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > examine Guard
  He looks wiped out. His tunic is rumpled. He's dully applying a squiggly signature to the pile of forms with an oversized stamp.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > look at the tunic
  All the guards have green tunics with a stylized unicorn on the front. This guard also has a leather pouch on his belt.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > examine the unicorn
  All the guards have green tunics with a stylized unicorn on the front. This guard also has a leather pouch on his belt.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > examine the pouch
  It's a little leather bag. It's about the size of my Bag of Holding. It probably isn't magical, though.
  
  The leather pouch is closed.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > open Bag
  (the leather pouch)
  Okay, I open the leather pouch, revealing a florin.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > look at florin
  This is a one-florin coin. A florin is one twentieth of a mark. One florin will not save your bacon. But hey, you could buy me
  some bacon.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > take the pouch
  Taken.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > go to the south
  I can't go that way.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go south
  This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's a statue of some ugly human here. The guard tower is north of here, a big, oppressive stone thing. I always feel like I'm about to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it.
  
  There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east, and the wharf is to the west.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go to the east
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > Go north
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go to the west
  This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's a statue of some ugly human here. The guard tower is north of here, a big, oppressive stone thing. I always feel like I'm about to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it.
  
  There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east, and the wharf is to the west.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > go north
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a young guardsman here.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Wave wand
  Poof! A glittering coin materializes in the air in front of
  me and drops to the floor.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take the coin
  (the faery coin)
  There are too many things in my bag of holding.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > put the coin in the crack
  The florin drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > put the salt in the crack
  The salt drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > wait for a while
  All right. Boss, I hate to rush you, but at some point the treasurer is going to figure out where the king wandered off to.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  some salt
  a leather pouch (which is open but empty)
  a florin
  a torn bit of wool
  an iron key
  a scrap of paper
  a mechanical moustache
  a vellum page
  a vase
  an egg
  a scarf
  some farming tools
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of a desperate wizard
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > drop the vase
  Dropped.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > put the faery coin in crack
  The faery coin drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > put the salt in the crack
  The salt drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  Fwoooom! The faery coin explodes! Sparks everywhere!
  
  The napping guard startles. "Hr! What the?"
  
  > look in the box
  (the evidence box)
  Looking through the crack, I can see a metal device inside.
  
  The guard laboriously stands up and rubs his eyes. "Why is the evidence locker smoking?"
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > wait
  All right.
  
  The guard fumbles around in his tunic, sighs, and sits back down.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > wait for a while
  All right.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > examine Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic. He's dozing lightly.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > examine Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic. He's dozing lightly.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > put the key on the box
  (the evidence box)
  I don't think putting things on the evidence box would accomplish anything.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > put the key on Guard
  I don't think putting things on the young guardsman would accomplish anything.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > give the key to Guard
  The guard's suspicion and sleepiness fight it out for a while. After a couple of moments of painful deliberation, he takes the key from me and goes back to sleep.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the faery coin
  Taken.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > put the faery coin in the crack
  The faery coin drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > put the salt in the crack
  The salt drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  Fwoooom! The faery coin explodes! Sparks everywhere!
  
  The napping guard startles. "Hr! What the?"
  
  > look in box
  (the evidence box)
  Looking through the crack, I can see a metal device inside.
  
  The guard laboriously stands up and rubs his eyes. "Why is the evidence locker smoking?"
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Wait
  All right.
  
  The guard unlocks and opens the evidence cabinet and stares stupidly at it, scratching his head. "Hullo, what's this? Nothing seems to be on fire."
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take the device
  Urgh, this thing weights a ton. I obviously can't fly with it, so let's see if I can drag it out of the box. Huff puff puff.
  
  Shoot! The noise must have altered the guard, or maybe it was when I accidentally dropped the device on his foot. "You don't want that, bird," he says, taking it from me despite my caws of protestation and gingerly returning it to the box. "It's not food. Leave it alone." Then he locks the cabinet and goes back to his nap.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > examine florin
  This is a one-florin coin. A florin is one twentieth of a mark. One florin will not save your bacon. But hey, you could buy me
  some bacon.
  
  > show florin to Sandie
  I'm not getting any response. Pssh. I wish I had one of your Extremely Loud Icebreaker Crackers. Those always got a response, even if it was usually a violent one.
  
  > take the meat
  Which do you mean, the pork pan, the beef pan, or the Excitement pan?
  
  > take the pork pan
  Boss, that is an excellent idea, but Sandie has a mean
  backhand.
  
  > Xyzzy
  Thomas, could you put a random joke here? --Diane
  
  > Sing
  Oooohhhhh,
  I'm going to murder that hedgehog!
  This is the hedgehog-murdering song!
  
  Hmph.
  
  > go to the north
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's a statue of some ugly human here. The guard tower is north of here, a big, oppressive stone thing. I always feel like I'm about to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it.
  
  There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east, and the wharf is to the west.
  
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a vase (which contains an egg and a scarf) and a young guardsman here.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > take the scarf
  Hmm, that's going to be tricky. Let me tip it over, then lift up the neck like this, and...got it!
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Examine poster
  It's a wanted poster offering five thousand florins for the capture of the infamous bank robber Two-Handed Bart (not to be confused with One-Handed Bart). He looks dashing with his shiny hair, his handlebar moustache, and his flapping green scarf. Is that dashing? That's the sort of thing you guys find dashing, right?
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > Dye scarf
  Ah, it turns a beautiful green. It reminds me of the leaves in my tree.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > look at Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > examine the mustache
  Hey, this is one of your Multitudinous Mechanical Moustaches! You can wind it to change its shape. The first version was prone to stuck gears. It's too bad; I thought this was going to be a popular invention. Right now it's shaped like a giant, bushy, overgrown moustache.
  
  > put the moustache on the man
  "Well, I've always wanted to grow a better moustache, really..."
  
  Oh, oh, he's taking it...he's putting it on...yes! Moustache go! Aw, man, don't pat me on the head. I'm not a dog.
  
  > put the scarf on man
  "Well, thank you, little magpie. I am kind of cold."
  
  Magpie? I'm a raven! A raven! Stupid humans with their not
  knowing anything and their not speaking the language and their failing to look like proper bank robbers unless I do a bunch of stupid work...
  
  > look at the man
  I'm not done yet. Stupid humans with their stupid lack of feathers and stupid weird beaks and stupid clothes. "Ooh, look at me, I'm a human. I'm going to not fly all day, then sleep horizontally on the floor. I like to set perfectly good rotting meat on fire, then eat it with a delicate little fork so I don't get delicious grease on my weird, fleshy hands and oh-so-precious opposable thumbs." Bah.
  
  All right, now I'm done. Let's go.
  
  > examine man
  He looks like any other human, I guess. He's wearing grey pants, a grey fedora, a scarf, and a grey shirt, and he has a handlebar moustache. He's cursing under his breath as he tries to fill out paperwork.
  
  The ordinary man proudly rubs his moustache.
  
  > take the fedora
  Hmm, it is a pretty nice hat. Let me just swoop in and
  grab--- Slap! Ow! Don't hit me! I just want to steal your
  hat!
  
  Boss, this isn't going to work. He's very attached to the hat.
  
  The ordinary man grumbles under his breath.
  
  > put un-Hat on fedora
  Yeah, take that, Hat Boy! I'll just drop the unhat on his head and---
  
  !moobak
  
  Er, that's me trying to mimic the sound of a 'kaboom' going backwards. The hat and the unhat kind of shrank into each other and, well, no hat. I think some of the guy's hair went with it. Uh oh, I think he's kind of cheesed off. Okay, no need for that kind of violence! Whoa whoa! I'm retreating to the chandelier now.
  
  The ordinary man grumbles under his breath.
  
  > examine man
  He looks like any other human, I guess. He's wearing grey pants, a scarf, and a grey shirt, and he has a handlebar moustache. He's cursing under his breath as he tries to fill out paperwork.
  
  > ask the man about the hair
  "Quork quork quork?"
  
  > pull cord
  Done!
  
  A mob of guardsmen charge out of the Watchtower towards the bank. I think I'll follow them.
  
  Let me tell you, these walls gleam. They're made of Marmoreal
  marble, known for the gold lines running through it. The floors and ceilings are made of the same material. The lobby of the bank is fairly open. There are exits to the north and west leading outside, and the bank continues to the east. There's also a table with forms and stuff.
  
  There's a bored-looking man at the tables trying to fill out some forms.
  
  Three guards come rushing into the bank. "Stop right there, Two-Handed Bart!" shouts the tallest guard. "You're under arrest!" shouts the middle guard. "Wait! I don't think that's Two-Handed Bart!" cries the shortest guard.
  
  "But he's got the moustache and the scarf and the no hat. He looks just like him!" says the tallest guard.
  
  "Isn't he the same guy we didn't arrest last time?" says the short guard.
  
  "I don't think so. He looks exactly like Two-Handed Bart," says the middle guard. "Maybe you were just mistaken before."
  
  "I ... guess ..." says the short guard. "He does look just
  like the poster....Well, take him in. Good job, guys."
  
  The three guards drag the man out of the bank, while he wails incoherently about just being here for a loan.
  
  Heh heh heh. Time to go collect our reward money!
  
  > Go north
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's a statue of some ugly human here. The guard tower is north of here, a big, oppressive stone thing. I always feel like I'm about to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it.
  
  There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east, and the wharf is to the west.
  
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a vase (which contains an egg) and a young guardsman here.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > show the poster to Guard
  "Caw!" I brandish the poster and perch on the guard's head.
  
  "Hello, uh, bird. Huh, Two-Handed Bart. You know, we just captured him."
  
  "Caw!" Yes, I was there.
  
  "He's supposed to be a criminal mastermind, but he was just standing around idly in the middle of the bank."
  
  "Awk awwwwk."
  
  "I wonder who pulled the alarm," muses the guard. "The teller insists she didn't do it."
  
  "Caw caw!" I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you.
  
  "We'll get a bonus for being the guard shift that caught him. I guess nobody gets that five-thousand florin reward."
  
  Maybe I can kill this guy and cash in his body with Mel. "Awk.
  Awk. Awk awk cawk awwwk awwk caww awk." Complicated pantomime
  ensues.
  
  The guard is incredulous. "You? You're a bird."
  
  "Awwwk quork awww." Yes, I am a bird waving a poster at you
  and miming pulling an alarm cord. Maybe I know what I am talking about.
  
  The guard is still incredulous. "Enh, we get our bonus anyway. Here's a credit slip." Finally, you people.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine the crack
  There's a large crack on the top of the evidence box.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > look in the crack
  Looking through the crack, I can see a scarf, a mechanical moustache, and a metal device inside.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > look at the animals
  There are more kinds of animals here than I can count. There must be, like, ten different kinds. They're currently alive, which is not the most delicious state for an animal, but I can dream.
  
  "...sold!" The merchant steps up to the block, pays the auctioneer, takes the stock, and sits down again.
  
  > Examine auctioneer
  The auctioneer is wearing a fancy black suit. He seems faintly oily, but not in the delicious fried meats kind of way.
  
  "...sold!" The merchant steps up to the block, pays the auctioneer, takes the stock, and sits down again.
  
  One of the cows shifts around uncomfortably.
  
  > Examine merchant
  Which do you mean, the merchant, the merchant, the merchant, the merchant, the merchant, the merchant, the merchant, or the merchant?
  
  ...This clearly isn't working. To disambiguate the merchants, I'm going to give them human names. Let's see. I'm going to name that one Hortensia, and that one Percival, that one Rupertina, that one Elspeth, F'nyrx, Professor Demonspoon, Rombert, and Sunshine Gristlesplat.
  
  > look at Hortensia
  Hortensia is a sad-looking man carrying his hat before him and twisting its brim nervously.
  
  The auctioneer fishes around in the coffer, pulls out a stock, and puts it on the auction block.
  
  "Next up is Associated Rook Leverage," he says. "Any bids?"
  
  > examine Rupertina
  Rupertina is a tall, imposing woman.
  
  "...sold!" Hortensia steps up to the block, pays the auctioneer, takes the stock, and sits down again.
  
  > examine  Elspeth
  Elspeth is a young, smartly-dressed woman missing an earring.
  
  The auctioneer fishes around in the coffer, pulls out a stock, and puts it on the auction block.
  
  "Now, who wants to own these fine shares of Kingdom Flounder Interests?" he asks.
  
  > examine professor
  Professor Demonspoon is an elderly man in a rumpled three-piece suit, which he looks to have never changed.
  
  "...sold!" Professor Demonspoon steps up to the block, pays the auctioneer, takes the stock, and sits down again.
  
  > examine rombert
  Rombert is a short, corpulent man.
  
  The auctioneer fishes around in the coffer, pulls out a stock, and puts it on the auction block.
  
  "Next up is Royal Ibis Bureau," he says. "Any bids?"
  
  A depressed horse mutters something about glue.
  
  > ask the cows about the auction
  I perch near the livestock pens. "Hey, animals, are---"
  
  "Aww, it's terrible here. Let's run around! I hate being cooped up."
  
  "...sold!" Professor Demonspoon steps up to the block, pays the auctioneer, takes the stock, and sits down again.
  
  A small group of cows crowds together, their eyes darting around.