text: > go downwards
  I suppose you think there are stairs or something.
  
  > examine the trees
  The palm trees rear up into the sky like excited French poodles.
  
  > climb the trees
  The trees are out of reach, and too thin to climb anyway.
  
  > go to the west
  The UCLA Computer Science student lounge is a hacker's paradise: a line of Linux machines and X terminals runs parallel to the south and west wall, ending in a Windows machine and an old Macintosh (for contrarians) in the northwest corner. A couch makes the environment conducive to overnighters and software design bull sessions. The exit is to the east.
  
  Four computer geeks are here; Fred, Mark, Dan, and Leonard, by name.
  
  You can also see a rollable whiteboard here.
  
  "You know," says Leonard, "I could write a better IF language than Inform."
  
  "That's the spirit!", says Dan.
  
  > examine the whiteboard
  A rollable whiteboard, intended for scratch work, mounted on casters so as to be pushed about. It's covered with geometric diagrams on one side and the de facto API for a group project on the other. There is also a scoreboard of some sort: "DAN 7 LUG 2".
  
  Mark stifles a laugh.
  
  "What are you laughing at?", asks Leonard.
  
  "This post on Slashdot."
  
  "Ah yes," says Fred.
  
  "I didn't think it was that funny," says Leonard.
  
  "It was all right," says Dan.
  
  > ask Mark about the fire
  "You can't get onto fire yet," says Mark. "Fred's fu--uh, messing around with the configuration files."
  
  "It must be something in the host configuration,", says Fred.
  
  Mark loads the Cruel Site of the Day into his web browser, and laughs hysterically.
  
  > examine the fire
  fire.csua.ucla.edu is CSUA's main machine, and hosts hundreds of user accounts. From the way Fred keeps frantically switching between configuration files, you get the feeling that something is wrong with that machine.
  
  "No, that didn't work," says Fred to himself.
  
  "What's the volume of the intersection of a cone and a circle?", asks Dan, in case someone has this fact memorized. No one has.
  
  > ask Dan about the fire
  "Fred's working on it," says Dan. "The stupid network is always going down."
  
  Mark obsesses about the next UCLA LUG meeting.
  
  "This part of the game is a little too self-referential for my taste," says Leonard, indicating an especially indulgent monologue on his screen. "In fact, I shouldn't be here at UCLA in the first place, since I graduated before I even started this game--so did Adam, incidentally. But authorial self-insertion is a time-honored IF trope, and it seemed a shame to miss such a golden opportunity to make use of it."
  
  Dan toys with the idea of starting his paper on Berkeley, but decides against it. "It'd only disappear when I wasn't working on it," he says resignedly.
  
  "I don't understand it," says Fred. "I thought I'd set up fire's configuration to rid of this problem, the last time this happened."
  
  > ask Fred about the fire
  "It'll be up in a minute," says Fred. "I just have to fix the DNS configuration."
  
  Dan toys with the idea of starting his paper on Berkeley, but decides against it. "It'd only disappear when I wasn't working on it," he says resignedly.
  
  Mark curses the 405 freeway, bane of his commute.
  
  "Hey, I want to be in the game," declares a man whom you suddenly notice is standing in the room. "Okay," says Leonard, and the man abruptly disappears.
  
  > Xyzzy
  A grown-up with curly blond hair and glasses appears out of thin air, shouts "I like beans!", and promptly vanishes.
  
  > About yourself
  You are a perfectly normal eleven-year-old girl on a field trip to UCLA.
  
  Mark stifles a laugh.
  
  "What are you laughing at?", asks Leonard.
  
  "This post on Slashdot."
  
  "Ah yes," says Fred.
  
  "I didn't think it was that funny," says Leonard.
  
  "It was all right," says Dan.
  
  > eat the paperclip
  That's plainly lacking the "edible" flag.
  
  "Stupid web browser," says Mark, killing his X session and restarting.
  
  "Use lynx," suggests Fred.
  
  A confused light show erupts from xorn's monitor as Dan runs his game with a gravitational constant of 0.59. Dan smiles the manic grin of one who enjoys tormenting his data structures.
  
  > Examine xorn
  xorn, aka linux.ucla.edu, is the hosting machine for the UCLA Linux Users Group, and for the standing LUG Nethack tournament. Green shapes flicker on its screen as Dan tests the latest additions to his game.
  
  "When was the last time anybody managed to get onto fire?", asks Fred.
  
  "Last night," says Mark.
  
  "Earlier this morning," says Dan.
  
  Fred shakes his head.
  
  > look at the mac
  plasma, an old Macintosh.
  
  "Did I tell you about my internship with VA Linux?", asks Mark of the room in general. No one seems interested, and Mark soon goes back to his terminal.
  
  "I wonder if something's wrong with the firewall," says Fred.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a shiny paperclip
  a digital watch (being worn)
  
  Mark loads the Cruel Site of the Day into his web browser, and laughs hysterically.
  
  "This part of the game is a little too self-referential for my taste," says Leonard, indicating an especially indulgent monologue on his screen. "In fact, I shouldn't be here at UCLA in the first place, since I graduated before I even started this game--so did Adam, incidentally. But authorial self-insertion is a time-honored IF trope, and it seemed a shame to miss such a golden opportunity to make use of it."
  
  > look at fire
  fire.csua.ucla.edu is CSUA's main machine, and hosts hundreds of user accounts. From the way Fred keeps frantically switching between configuration files, you get the feeling that something is wrong with that machine.
  
  "Oops!", says Leonard, and taps some keys. "There was no way to get from the balcony to the snack bar. I put in some stairs. Sorry about that."
  
  "No, that didn't work," says Fred to himself.
  
  > Go south
  You can't go that way.
  
  "I wonder if something's wrong with the firewall," says Fred.