text: [Themes: fantasy, serious, anti-hero, humor]
  
  He might be bullshitting you, but you're not exactly familiar with this area, so you might as well not take chances. Still, you got a better idea on payment.
  
  "Hey Warts, I don't have the five gold coins, but I do have these." You say and hold out Graham's rings to Warts.
  
  Warts approaches cautiously and then takes one of the rings from your hand. He inspects it and then speaks.
  
  "Grm. Okay, sure these will do. Stupid hobgoblin tribe around here always likes pretty jewelry even if it fakesy." He says and takes the other one from your hand.
  "Fake?" you say in a completely surprised tone, though not completely put on since you didn't think someone like Warts would know.
  "Yeah, fake... youz really didn't know?"
  "No, I'm afraid I come from a small town and don't have a good eye for that sort of thing. The merchant passing through was very convincing when he was selling them. I bought them for a girl I liked, but alas, I was unlucky in love too, so I just kept them."
  "Grm. Youz gotta have a better eye and pray to Yag more. Anywayz, come on let's get goin, don't wanna stand out here tooz long. Dis path is da one."
  
  You start following Warts who leads the way.
  
  "So...there are hobgoblins in this area?" you ask.
  "Oh yeah, the Spider Fang tribe, but there don't really come around the way we're goin' so no need to worry about getting' eaten. Can't wait to get back to them though. With these rings, Snuffit will allow me at least ten ruts with 'er. Way better than getting' drunk...well sometimes better anyway." Warts remarks.
  "Are you a member of the Spider Fangs?"
  "Me? Nah...too much humie blood. Can't ever be part of tribe proper. Good thing mum good fighter and loves me, otherwise tribe probably would 'ave eaten me when I was born."
  "Wait, your mom is a hobgoblin? Who was your father then?"
  "Dunno, some humie bandit that attacked and tried to rut with her in the forest. Me mum said it was dark and he seemed pretty surprised when he realized she wasn't another human. Mentioned he tasted like cheap beer after she was done wit him, so I guess he liked to drink."
  
  Since you have no words for that story, you just silently continue to follow.
  
  Warts and you trudge along a dirt path for quite sometime until it disappears completely.
  
  "Okay, from here, we go...dis way...no wait dis way...I think..." Warts says.
  "You think? Don't you know?" you reply.
  "Yeah, yeah, I just haven't used this way in a long time. Gotta pass a haunted cabin. Accidently passed out there once, ended up shitting my good pants, though not sure if that was just because of the ghost."
  "Haunted cabin? Why the hell are we going near it then?"
  "Cause it's the safest way. Even the bandit types don't like goin' near it and nobody from the Spider Fang tribe is brave enough either. Sides, it's really only haunted sometimes."
  "Sometimes? But what if today is that day?"
  "Well hope youz brought extra pants den. Really though, it's a lot safer. Da ghost really only messes with people that go in that cabin. I mean if you wanna risk it, we could go another way I know, but there's been a lotta bandits travelling back an through that area. Normally, I'd just go that way since I know all da best hidin' places and even if they did see me, I'd disappear again before they could even mount an attack. However you're probably not as stealthy as me, so you'd probably get yerself seen and gutted. Might even rut wit youz first, some of these bandits aren't picky."
  "I'm actually no stranger to being stealthy myself when I have to be."
  "Truly? Grm. Well it's up to you."
  "I'd rather take my chances sneaking pass some bandits than possibly dealing with something I can't even hurt."
  "Okay, hope yer as sneaky as you claim, cuz all bets are off if the bandits catch sight of ya. Dis way."
  
  Once again Warts leads the way and you follow.
  
  You trudge through the forest for quite sometime and eventually it gets dark, but you still haven't seen any signs of bandits or anyone else really. Warts doesn't seem to be concerned, but you're constantly alert, thinking behind every tree lies an ambush.
  
  "Gettin' pitch black, gonna have to stop soon." Warts says.
  "What? We're not walking through the night? In fact won't it be easier to slip by any potential hostiles in the dark?" you ask.
  "You want to continue, be my guest, but I'm gonna get some sleep. I'm tired. Sides, looks like we got lucky. Guess the bandit crew that was wandering around this area moved on. Praise Yag."
  "As you say." You reply, still looking around.
  
  While you're half tempted to go on without Warts, you're still holding on to the slight hope that he actually knows where he's going, so you start looking for a tree to climb and sleep in.
  
  "Hey, what youz doin? You think youz a squirrel or somethin'?" Warts asks.
  "I'm not sleeping down here on the ground. What if something wanders by before I can properly react? I'll be in a tree so I can at least be somewhat out of immediate sight."
  "Youz gonna fall out and break yo' neck too. All youz gotta do is cover yerself in dirt and leaves and shit. Hides youz just fine." Warts says and begins doing just that.
  "Yeah well when you're already green and smell like the outdoors, I suppose it's a lot easier to camouflage yourself with little effort. I'll take my chances in a high tree."
  
  Warts shakes his head unconvinced and continues to cover himself. You have to admit, if you didn't know he was there, you probably wouldn't notice him if you were just wandering by.
  
  As for you, you climb to a sturdy and large enough branch that will support your weight and you can at least somewhat perch yourself on. You already know you aren't going to sleep deep tonight, but you figure that's sort of been the standard problem while out here.
  
  "I'll be so damn glad to be out of the damn wilderness." You say to yourself.
  
  You're up for quite awhile, but hear nothing except the usual sounds of various insects, owls and other nocturnal animals. Eventually sleep catches up with you and you close your eyes.
  
  You aren't sure how long you're asleep, but you open your eyes when you start hearing voices nearby.
  
  "I told ya, I heard something."
  "Probably just another raccoon. I don't know why we gotta patrol over here anyway."
  "Cause the boss said so that's why! You know there are savage greenskins that live in this forest. We're supposed to make sure none of them get too close to the main cam...I knew it. I knew I heard something! Snoring! And it's coming from over there!"
  
  At this point you're awake enough to see everything that's going on below. You see two men who you guess are bandits.
  
  Seems like Warts didn't take into account that his camouflage attempt would all be for naught due to his large honker making noise. It doesn't take long before they kick and prod at his hidden location, waking him up.
  
  "Hah! A filthy greenskin! Probably a scout! Kill him!" one of the bandits shouts.
  
  Warts just barely avoids their attacks and tries to scramble away from his prone position, but one of the bandits manages to trip him up before he can run and it isn't looking good as he gets kicked in the face by the other one.
  
  Not that you have any loyalty to Warts and he's been pretty snarky towards you in general, but he's still your guide and if you don't want to get lost...
  
  You waste no time and try to climb down your tree as fast as you can. Fortunately, the bandits are have decided to have a little fun before killing him directly. They proceed to continue kicking Warts and don't notice you at all.
  
  > Attempt to silently slit their throats
  You figure if you start shooting, you might attract more of their fellows or something worse. Better to do this silently, even if it means getting closer.
  
  You manage to creep up on the first bandit and grab him. You aren't exactly accustomed to do this though, so your technique isn't perfect. You struggle a bit before managing to messily slit his throat.
  
  This all of course has alerted the other bandit who doesn't waste anytime in attacking you. He starts off by kicking his buddy who you're still holding to. The dead weight of a dying man being pushed hard in your direction is enough to cause you to lose balance and fall backwards with a body on top of you.
  
  You struggle to get out from under the dead body and going for your pistol, but the bandit has already taken advantage of your prone situation, by kicking you in the head. He then crotches down to punch you in the face several times before grabbing your pistol. You're in a half conscious state and you can only hope Warts does something, but unlike you, he takes the opportunity to run rather than help.
  
  "Well, what's this you were going for? (Whistle) Shit, never seen one like this before and I ain't seen many. Dumbass kid, shoulda used this to begin with. Bet you'll never make that mistake again." The bandit says then drives his sword in your throat.