text: > look around
  Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".
  
  Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter.
  
  You can also see a counter here.
  
  Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You possess:
  a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
  a Doom III DVD
  a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
  a pair of carved bone dice
  an ID code
  an order form
  a jewel case (open but empty)
  an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
  an Official Doom III Strategy guide
  a fine pewter space marine
  four small smooth stones
  a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
  a single chopstick
  a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
  You are wearing:
  your mum's shoes
  nothing else
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > throw dice at the twin
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > look at the marine
  It's a toy soldier. How quaint.
  
  "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
  
  > ask the twin about the store
  There is no reply.
  
  Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
  
  > get the tags
  Those seem to belong to your evil twin.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > throw the code at the twin
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the ID code harmlessly into the air.
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > throw the chopstick at twin
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the single chopstick harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > get all
  e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin.
  
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  > Go east
  A cold wind blows through the ruins of the shopping center. Shards of glass, fallen bricks, and bodies litter the ground. The power is out, and you can barely see anything in the twilight. Every so often, an animal howls in the distance. Something seems disturbingly familiar about the smell of death and decay here.
  
  The only way that has not been ruined or blocked by debris is the Video Head shop, to the west.
  
  > Smell
  Ah, yes. The old familiar scent of evil. You can almost remember -- what IS that?
  
  > look at the bodies
  Shopped til they dropped.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You possess:
  a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
  a Doom III DVD
  a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
  a pair of carved bone dice
  an ID code
  an order form
  a jewel case (open but empty)
  an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
  an Official Doom III Strategy guide
  a fine pewter space marine
  four small smooth stones
  a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
  a single chopstick
  a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
  You are wearing:
  your mum's shoes
  nothing else
  
  > search the bodies
  You hear nothing unexpected.
  
  You find nothing of interest.
  
  > Go west
  Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".
  
  Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter.
  
  You can also see a counter here.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > examine the counter
  An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store.
  
  Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
  
  > look at the counter
  An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store.
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > look behind the counter
  What do you know. They are indeed fine Italian leather imports.
  
  "Whoa, keep your eyes on the prize!" The pale man directs your gaze upwards.
  
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  > show the fur to the twin
  Your evil twin is unimpressed.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > look up
  You see nothing unexpected in that direction.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > climb the counter
  I don't think much is to be achieved by that.
  
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  > throw Making at the twin
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You possess:
  a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
  a Doom III DVD
  a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
  a pair of carved bone dice
  an ID code
  an order form
  a jewel case (open but empty)
  an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
  an Official Doom III Strategy guide
  a fine pewter space marine
  four small smooth stones
  a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
  a single chopstick
  a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
  You are wearing:
  your mum's shoes
  nothing else
  
  "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
  
  > talk to Sam
  If you're trying to talk to someone, you might try ASK TWIN ABOUT something, the traditional conversation syntax. Type ABOUT to see if this story offers more detailed instructions for conversation.
  
  > read unofficial
  You see nothing special about the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > ask Sam about the armageddon
  There is no reply.
  
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  > ask the TWIN about the play
  There is no reply.
  
  "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
  
  > examinthe e-peen hammer
  You see nothing special about the e-peen hammer.
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > ask Sam about Tiny Tim
  There is no reply.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > ask the TWIN about the game
  There is no reply.
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > ask Sam about Sam
  There is no reply.
  
  Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
  
  > hit Sam
  Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer.
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > play the game
  Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the copy of Doom III?
  
  > check your inventory
  You possess:
  a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
  a Doom III DVD
  a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
  a pair of carved bone dice
  an ID code
  an order form
  a jewel case (open but empty)
  an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
  an Official Doom III Strategy guide
  a fine pewter space marine
  four small smooth stones
  a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
  a single chopstick
  a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
  You are wearing:
  your mum's shoes
  nothing else
  
  Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
  
  > throw Making at Sam
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  You possess:
  a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
  a Doom III DVD
  a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
  a pair of carved bone dice
  an ID code
  an order form
  a jewel case (open but empty)
  an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
  an Official Doom III Strategy guide
  a fine pewter space marine
  four small smooth stones
  a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
  a single chopstick
  a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
  You are wearing:
  your mum's shoes
  nothing else
  
  Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
  
  > throw the stone at Sam
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the small smooth stone harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam chortles in glee.
  
  > throw game dvd at Sam
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Doom III DVD harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > throw the dice at Sam
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air.
  
  Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
  
  > throw the harmonica at Sam
  Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica harmlessly into the air.
  
  Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
  
  > put the shoes on the counter
  (your mum's shoes on the counter)
  (first taking them off)
  Desperate times call for desperate measures. Your evil twin watches intently as you unlace and remove your darling mother's shoes. "Those... why, those are..."
  
  Your evil twin takes your mum's shoes and tries them on, practically giddy with excitement.
  
  Sam looks absolutely ridiculous wearing the dog tags and mother's favorite shoes. A fact which your pointedly point out. Eyes wide, Sam runs screaming out into the night.
  
  Great. Now you need a ride home.
  
  > open bed
  The humming noise mercifully stops.
  
  Tanning Salon (in the tanning bed)
  The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.
  
  Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor.
  
  > exit the bed
  I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.
  
  Retrying as:
  >EXIT
  
  Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands.
  
  To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.
  
  You get out of the tanning bed.
  
  The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.
  
  Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor.
  
  You can also see a tanning bed (empty) here.
  
  > Novice off
  Novice mode disabled.
  
  > take all
  dissheveled clothing: You quickly gather up your clothes.
  genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: Taken.
  pair of carved bone dice: Taken.
  single chopstick: Taken.
  small can of liver paté: Taken.
  small smooth stone: Taken.
  small smooth stone: Taken.
  small smooth stone: Taken.
  small smooth stone: Taken.
  resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: Taken.
  
  > get the clothes
  You feel much more at ease with your wardrobe properly arranged on your person. This even despite its present condition.
  
  Hold, what's this in your pocket?
  
  You already have those.
  
  > Go west
  Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".
  
  A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store.
  
  A pale man, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment.
  
  > get Doom III
  The pale man sneers even harder. "You think I would let someone like you even touch such an artifact? It's a collector's edition, the super-rare "Ultraviolent" release. Only 25 of these were ever produced. Fine pewter space marine, depleted uranium dog tags, official and unofficial strategy guide, and the Making-of featurette, AND an extra weapon you can equip in both single and multiplayer."
  
  He looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it."
  
  > look at the man
  Two eyes; one nose; one mouth; two ears; two arms; two legs; far too much hair. He wears a smart blue button-down shirt and deep red tie, khaki pants and a black belt. You can't see from back here, but you imagine his shoes must be fine Italian leather imports.
  The presentation is ruined by the cheap name tag sticker over his
  shirt pocket.
  
  > examine the sticker
  HELLO my name is bOb S.
  
  > Kiss man
  Keep your mind on the game.
  
  > get the sticker
  That seems to belong to Bob.
  
  > look
  Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".
  
  A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store.
  
  Bob, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment.
  
  > get Doom
  Bob looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it."
  
  > go east
  Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east.
  
  > go to the north
  The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.
  
  You can see a tanning bed (empty) here.
  
  > enter the bed
  Oh, no. You've had quite enough of that. Any longer and you'd develop a crick in your back, and you wouldn't be confortable again all day.
  
  > close the bed
  You close the tanning bed.
  
  > look at the shoes
  Ah, yes. You had, not two hours ago whilst bathing (and truly: is that not always the most productive time for cogitation?) an utterly marvelous idea. You would acquire a tan while adorned with your dearest mother's dearest shoes, lying on a beach and sipping from a tall glass of coconut cream spritzer until the point at which you would drift off into serenely dizziful bliss, awakening to find impressed upon your pliant skin the intricate interlocking paisley pattern of wistful bygone years.
  
  But there's no goddamn sun in winter here in Finland so you had to go with plan B.