text: [Themes: Horror, profanity]
  
  It's Saturday night, and it's time to kick out some jams. You've been working your ass off all week, with the radio blaring stories at you about how some stupid prick politician faked his dissertation, and you're in dire need of some bass and some beer. Good thing it's that part of the month again: Department of Volxvergnuegen is throwing one of their action-packed techno parties at Glockenbachwerkstatt!
  
  Dr. Kong in: Plan DSDS from practice space (The Volxvergnuegen Adventure)
  A time travel anomaly by Two Guys From The Other Bar
  
  You are standing outside of the club. Basses are pumping. You can enter the building through a big green door to the north or go east around the corner to the side of the building.
  
  Above you is the night sky.
  
  TO GET SOME INFORMATION ABOUT THIS GAME, TYPE "INFO"
  
  TO GET SOME HELP FOR PLAYING THIS GAME, TYPE "HELP".
  
  You can see Technodude and Electrowoman here.
  
  [Author's Note: All you want is to have a good time at the party. But then the people at the club turn out to be less alive and more kicking, the music completely sucks, and to top it all off, someone has kidnapped your internet pal mandy95.]
  
  > Info
  Hello, and welcome. This is a special little game. It was written for the interactive fiction event in Munich that the culture collective called "department of volxvergnuegen" organized on May 7, 2011. At least parts of the game you're playing right now take place on said event, during which a workshop for writers took place, we screened GET LAMP by Jason Scott and people could play several interactive fiction games on a couple of terminals we provided. Ah yes, and we played the game you're playing right now collectively on the big screen, which was a lot of fun also, in spite of all its bugginess.
  
  But now to my apologies. This is by no means a good game, if we take polished and well thought-out games like, well, let's face it, every single game that did well in the past 16 years of the Interactive Fiction Competition and compare them to our game; it was written in just a couple of weeks by me and my friend Anonymeuss (thanks to the rest of the Nerd Kru for making this insane story up, you know who you are!), and neither of us had ever written a piece of interactive fiction before. It's a very railroaded game and probably still pretty buggy, the puzzles aren't too avant-garde and it features long deserts of text that make the opening of Oliver Ullmann's "The Duel That Spanned The Ages" look like a four-line poem. But we still think our crazy little story is pretty funny and we hope you'll give it a spin. If you head over to
  [LINK]
  ms/258.html,
  you can find some pictures from the event that could get you in the mood (or if you locate the pictures folder on the disc in your game package). Most of our crew were dressed the way they are described in the game, and Jason Scott played along nicely too. This leads us to our thank you-list:
  
  Thanks to the amazing Jason Scott, who made this wonderful movie, was absolutely hilarious on skype and said the silly things i asked him to say (apart from being generally awesome). Cheers!
  
  I cannot thank enough all the members of the volxvergnuegen team who made this day very special. From designing and preparing all those gorgeous visuals to selling the drinks: You were amazing, and this game is dedicated to you.
  
  Thanks to Michael Baltes, Oliver Ullmann, Marius Müller, Ingo Scharmann and Martin Barth for hosting the workshop and exterminating some of the worst bugs, see you soon!
  
  And last but not least: Thank YOU, dear player, for still reading this. I sincerely hope you can at least get a good laugh while playing our game. Comments, suggestions,bug reports, death threats are best sent to colin.djukic@googlemail.com.
  
  HAVE FUN.
  
  > About yourself
  As good-looking as ever.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  some money
  some change for cigarettes
  a fartroid smartphone
  a tattered shoulder-bag (being worn and closed)
  an apple
  
  > examine the money
  It's money. It stinks.
  
  > examine the change
  Some change for buying cigarettes.
  
  > look at the smartphone
  A Rottorola.
  
  The fartroid smartphone is currently switched off.
  
  > look at the bag
  Your trusty old bag. Made of black nylon, it has several little holes and scratches. A button depicting a guy throwing a swastika into a rubbish bin is attached to its flap.
  
  > open the bag
  You open the tattered shoulder-bag, revealing a red flyer.
  
  > look at the flyer
  It's the flyer for last month's Volxvergnuegen event. A red foil which makes the underlying text readable. (Hint: If you haven't got one, you better get one!) It was some kind of text adventure event. Too bad you couldn't make it.
  
  > examine the apple
  It's green.
  
  There's a sticker on the apple! You pull it off.
  
  > look at the sticker
  It says: "I'm so green".
  
  > examine the Electrowoman
  One of those bass-hungry females. At the moment, she's talking to Technodude.
  
  > ask the Technodude about the flyer
  He just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply.
  
  > ask the Electrowoman about the flyer
  She just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply.
  
  > turn on the phone
  You switch the fartroid smartphone on.
  
  > examine the phone
  A Rottorola.The device depicts the word "FARTROID" and boots up. You haven't installed any apps apart from the preinstalled Facebook app, but you have no clue how to activate the app.
  
  The fartroid smartphone is currently switched on.
  
  > turn off the phone
  You switch the fartroid smartphone off.
  
  > Go north
  You really wanna smoke a cigarette before entering. If you remember correctly, there's a cigarette machine east of the club.
  
  > go to the east
  You're standing east of the club, under the night sky. It's pretty quiet here. Steam rises from a grate in the pavement.
  
  You can go back to the front door by moving south.
  
  You can see a fag machine here.
  
  > examine the machine
  Your standard fare cigarette machine. You put change in, and usually, cigarettes pop out.
  
  > put the change in the machine
  The coins drop into the slot. After painfully proving that you are indeed old enough to smoke by sliding several ID and credit cards through a card reader and pressing your thumb onto some biometric device, a pack of your favorite brand of cigarettes lands on the pavement with a "thump".
  
  > take the pack
  Fuck, you forgot to bring a lighter with you! Whatever. Perhaps you can find a lighter inside the club.
  
  Taken.
  
  > examine grate
  Steam is rising up from the grate by the side of the road. You can't see much down there, but the smell is pretty strange. You never noticed this grate before.
  
  > look at the pack
  Les Fleurs Du Mal, your favorite brand of death sticks. Every pack contains a poem by your personal Uber-Dandy, Charles Baudelaire!
  
  > open the pack
  You open the pack of fags, revealing a folded poem and sixteen cigarettes.
  
  > examine the poem
  The unfolded poem reads:
  
  Behold the sweet evening, friend of the criminal;
  It comes like an accomplice, stealthily; the sky
  Closes slowly like an immense alcove,
  And impatient man turns into a beast of prey.
  O evening, kind evening, desired by him
  Whose arms can say, without lying: "Today
  We labored!" - It is the evening that comforts
  Those minds that are consumed by a savage sorrow,
  The obstinate scholar whose head bends with fatigue
  And the bowed laborer who returns to his bed.
  
  Awaken sluggishly, like businessmen,
  And take flight, bumping against porch roofs and shutters.
  Among the gas flames worried by the wind
  Prostitution catches alight in the streets;
  Like an ant-hill she lets her workers out;
  Everywhere she blazes a secret path,
  Like an enemy who plans a surprise attack;
  She moves in the heart of the city of mire
  Like a worm that steals from Man what he eats.
  Here and there one hears food sizzle in the kitchens,
  The theaters yell, the orchestras moan;
  
  The gambling dens, where games of chance delight,
  Fill up with whores and cardsharps, their accomplices;
  The burglars, who know neither respite nor mercy,
  Are soon going to begin their work, they also,
  And quietly force open cash-boxes and doors
  To enjoy life awhile and dress their mistresses.
  
  Meditate, O my soul, in this solemn moment,
  And close your ears to this uproar;
  It is now that the pains of the sick grow sharper!
  Somber Night grabs them by the throat; they reach the end
  Of their destinies and go to the common pit;
  The hospitals are filled with their sighs. - More than one
  Will come no more to get his fragrant soup
  By the fireside, in the evening, with a loved one.
  
  However, most of them have never known
  The sweetness of a home, have never lived!
  
  - William Aggeler, The Flowers of Evil (Fresno, CA: Academy Library Guild, 1954)
  
  > go south
  You are standing outside of the club. Basses are pumping. You can enter the building through a big green door to the north or go east around the corner to the side of the building.
  
  Above you is the night sky.
  
  You can see Technodude and Electrowoman here.
  
  > ask the Technodude about lighter
  He just asks: "Hey, are you on facebook?" without waiting for your reply.
  
  > listen
  Basses. Louder. Inane Chatter.
  
  > examine table
  On the table here are a blue flyer and a card.
  
  > examine the blue flyer
  It's the flyer for the next event. It says "Department of Volxvergnuegen präsentiert: Die besten Wiesn-Hits aus den 60ern, 70ern und überhaupt: Super-Gaudi!!!!!". This must be a joke.
  
  > look at the card
  It just says 14,99. That's odd. Usually, the Volxvergnuegen parties only cost 4 bucks.
  
  > take the blue flyer and the card
  blue flyer: Taken.
  card: Fabi grabs the card. "Hey, get your hands off the card, man!"
  
  > examine Fabi
  He's always organizing stuff. Right now, he's charging the customers who want to enter the club. He is looking a bit off. His eyes are kind of blood-shot. Too much work and not enough sleep, you guess.
  
  > examine the lale
  She's wearing yellow tights, short jeans and a yellow top. Her usual smile looks a little frozen, and her right cheek is marred by a bruise. You remember her as the girl that was jumping, singing, chewing her fingernails and drinking beer. At the same time. Now she's just standing there. You wonder what's wrong with her.
  
  > look at the gothdude
  He's wearing some kind of trench coat. He's standing in the corner of this corridor like some crooked vulture, eyeing you with his dark-rimmed eyes. What a freak.
  
  > ask Fabi about card
  He cuts you off: "Hey, you wanna come in or what?!"
  
  > ask the lale about bruise
  She just stares at you.
  
  > ask the gothdude about lighter
  Barely audible, he manages to spit out the following: "rrrrrya....Facebook?" He's obviously had too much to drink.
  
  > buy the card
  Nothing is on sale.
  
  > go north
  Lale pushes you away from the doorway. Fabi looks at you as if he was about to hit you. "You have to pay before you enter!", he says.
  
  > give the money to Fabi
  You pay the ridiculous entrance fee to Fabi, who pockets the money. He gives you a ticket and just motions to the doorway to the north. What the fuck, you don't care. Let's roll!
  
  > examine the ticket
  A ragged strip of paper torn from a roll. It says "BEZAHLT".
  
  > Go north
  This is the bar area of the club. As usual, it's VERY crowded in here. People are trying to get through to the counter on the west side of the room or the toilets to the north. The dance floor is east of here.
  
  The music is louder here. Sounds like minimal techno...but wait...like minimal techno with some very cheesy plastic disco samples on top...have the DJs lost their mind?
  
  Dan is behind the counter of the Bar, serving cocktails.
  
  You can also see Hipster and Style-O-Chick here.
  
  > look at Dan
  He looks even more evil than usual.
  
  > look at Bar
  A dimly lit counter. People are pushing each other in order to be served first. It seems they only serve one kind of drink tonight, as everybody drinks from a glass with the same deep orange color. Looks like...a Zombie? On the counter is a bowl of white jelly sweets.
  
  > examine sweet
  Looks pretty disgusting, like something you might find in the trash can of an operation room. But the people seem to enjoy eating those lumps...perhaps you should give it a try?
  
  > take sweet
  Reluctantly, you pop a jelly sweet into your mouth and cautiously start chewing on it. Not bad. Not bad at all! While you're munching away on the delicious gelatinous substance, from the corner of your eye you see Dan refilling the bowl. He's grabbing the lumps out of the skull of a dead body! It's that goth guy you saw in the entrance! You pause for a moment pondering whether you should get another one or not before spitting the brain tissue out of your mouth in a wide white arch.
  
  > examine the Hipster
  A hipster wearing  nerdy glasses and sporting only one arm...
  
  > ask Hipster about lighter
  He grabs you with his remaining arm and screams in your ear: "Man, you gotta try facebook, it's the newest shit! All the groovy volxvergnuegen people are on there!" Great, this weirdo smeared blood over your shirt...why is he bleeding?! What's going on here?
  
  > examine the Chick
  She's gorgeous...she's wearing a sexy see-through blouse that barely conceals anything...including several deep, still bleeding wounds...was there an accident? Nobody seems to notice anything...
  
  > ask the Chick about lighter
  She whispers in your ear: "Meet me on facebook, honey..." Her breath is cold and smells like an open grave.
  
  > go north
  A narrow and usually packed corridor with doors to the restroom for women to the east and the restroom to the west. To your confusion, only one pretty fucked up woman sits slumped into a heap in one corner. You can go back to the bar to the south. A door leads to the cellar below.
  
  > examine the woman
  Her gray and faded hair covers most of her face. She's got a beer bottle in her lap, but it's definitely not beer she's drinking.
  
  > look at the bottle
  The label is smeared with a sticky red substance... Jesus, this looks like blood!
  
  > ask the woman about the blood
  With a voice from a Venom-song, she says "Check out Facebook. Best thing that's happened to me in ages!"
  
  > go west
  Noone's in here, and I suggest you leave, too. The stench is almost unbearable.
  
  > Smell
  You're almost fainting from an overwhelming wave of ammonia.
  
  > Go east
  Not that you'd care about etiquette, you're just scared of female demons ripping your flesh.