text: [Themes: Satire, Haunted  House, Afterlife]
  
  > look around
  Briefing Room, on the folding chair
  This is a large room with a high ceiling, brightly illuminated with fluorescent lights. Most of your fellow passengers are here, sitting in folding chairs facing a podium; many empty chairs are available. An exit leads to the south, and another passage leads north.
  A woman is here.
  
  Someone at the left of the room raises her hand. "Yes, you at the left," the woman says, pointing to her.
  "Can I go back to earth as a ghost and haunt people?" she asks.
  The woman responds, "No, unfortunately not. However, our top scientists are working on this problem, and the latest reports indicate that it may be possible in the near future. Those of you with scientific backgrounds, in particular those of you who went to Caltech and really understand what makes a good prank, may want to look into joining the project."
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  Someone at the rear of the room raises her hand. "Yes, you at the rear," the woman says, pointing to her.
  "I was wondering, where is the famous 'All hope abandon, ye who
  enter here' sign? I want to get some pictures with it." she asks.
  The woman responds, "Actually, the sign said 'Lasciate ogni
  speranza, voi ch'entrate,' and I'm afraid it's been taken down. People found it too depressing. But there are several very nice vista points that you can find in the tour book."
  
  > stand
  Okay, you're no longer on the folding chair.
  
  Someone at the right of the room raises her hand. "Yes, you at the right," the woman says, pointing to her.
  "Which circle of hell are we doomed to?" she asks.
  The woman responds, "We abolished the circle system shortly after
  the middle ages after the 'separate and unequal' principle was ruled illegal. You're free to go wherever you'd like -- even up to Heaven."
  
  > Go north
  You're in a large courtyard surrounded by buildings. To the south
  is the Immigration Building, to the east is the Department of Motor Vehicles, and to the west is a Celestial Security office. An archway leads out of the courtyard to the north. In the center of the courtyard is a vending machine.
  
  > look at the machine
  It looks similar to a soft-drink vending machine, but it's labeled "Space Needle Tickets". It has a slot labeled "20 Hellmids", and a small receptacle.
  
  > Go east
  You're in a very large, very drab room. In the center of the room
  is a long counter that runs the length of the room. As is typical of such facilities, there is a customer at almost every window, and practically no employees to be seen behind the counter. In fact, the only employee in sight is standing at a window with no customers, looking bored. The exit is to the west.
  A DMV official is here.
  
  You walk over to the window where the employee is standing.
  
  The DMV employee says, "Let's see your appointment card. Service is by appointment only."
  
  > examine the official
  She's a middle-aged woman. She looks profoundly disinterested in being here.
  
  The DMV employee says, "Let's see your appointment card. Service is by appointment only."
  
  "It's against policy to answer questions."
  
  The DMV employee says, "Let's see your appointment card. Service is by appointment only."
  
  > ask official about the appointment
  "It's against policy to answer questions."
  
  The DMV employee says, "Let's see your appointment card. Service is by appointment only."
  
  > check your inventory
  You have a printed note and a rope.
  
  The DMV employee says, "Let's see your appointment card. Service is by appointment only."
  
  > Go west
  You're in the Celestial Security Office. At one end of the room is
  a counter, and next to the counter is a wastebasket that's full of crumpled up paper. The exit is to the east, and a door behind the counter leads west.
  Behind the counter is a middle-aged man dressed in a light blue Celestial Security Administration uniform. You're relieved to see that there's only one person in line. You were afraid that the line would be longer, with so many new people arriving at the same time you did, but this will obviously take no time.
  The Celestial Security officer notices you enter, and looks up at
  you. "I'll be right with you, after I finish with this applicant," he says.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "What is your middle initial?" The woman replies, "G." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > examine the wastebasket
  In the waste basket you see some waste paper.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "What was your date of birth?" The woman replies, "Um, November 12, 1959." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > search the wastebasket
  In the waste basket you see some waste paper.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "And your date of death?" The woman replies, "June 23, 2013." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > take the paper
  The Celestial Security officer doesn't let you. "Those contain private information," he scolds you. "Besides, we recycle all of our paper. We're trying to be environmentally conscious."
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you have any deceased dependents?" The woman replies, "No." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > take the waste
  The Celestial Security officer doesn't let you. "Those contain private information," he scolds you. "Besides, we recycle all of our paper. We're trying to be environmentally conscious."
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you wear any prescription eyewear?" The woman replies, "No." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > search the waste paper
  You find nothing of interest.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "What is your IQ?" The woman replies, "I'm not sure." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > read waste paper
  The waste basket is full of crumpled-up application forms, evidently discarded due to errors made in preparation.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "How many fingers am I holding up?" The woman replies, "Three." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > examine the woman
  She looks to be in her mid-thirties.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you know your blood pressure?" The woman replies, "130 over 70." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > go north
  You're in the center of Hell's business district. To the north is
  an extremely tall tower, which reaches up into the sky; the top is lost in mist high above. An archway leads south. You can go down the street to the east and west.
  
  > examine the tower
  The tower is extremely tall. You can see its lighted windows high above, disappearing into the dark mist of the sky above. The words "HadesCorp Space Needle" are engraved in large letters above the entrance.
  
  > Go north
  You're in a gigantic, imposing lobby. The ceiling is at least five stories above; the dark granite walls are adorned with strange gargoyles looking down on you from high overhead. The exit out to the street is to the south.
  An elevator is to the north. The elevator doors are open.
  
  > examine the gargoyles
  They look like unusual gargoyles to me.
  
  > Go north
  You're in a large, ornate elevator. The walls are tiled with gold panels decorated with an intricate pattern of interweaved lines, resembling vines; the floor is covered with deep, plush carpeting; and hanging from the ceiling is a chandelier with thousands of tiny lights. The open door leads south, back out into the lobby.
  An old, white-bearded man wearing a white robe is standing in the corner of the elevator near the controls. He is evidently the elevator operator.
  
  > ask the man about the elevator
  He points to a small sign: "For safety reasons, please do not talk to operator unnecessarily."
  
  > look at the chandelier
  It looks like an ordinary chandelier to me.
  
  > Up
  "Ticket, please."
  
  > attack man
  What do you want to attack it with?
  
  > look at the man
  He looks quite old, and seems very energetic, especially given what you think must be a boring job.
  
  > go to the east
  You're on a street in downtown Hell. To the south is the entrance
  to a large low-rise building labeled "Infernolab," and to the north is the fortress-like Bank of Hell. The street continues east and west. A narrow alley leads alongside the Infernolab building to the southwest.
  
  > go south
  You're in a lobby, decorated with a very high-tech look: the walls
  are brushed stainless steel; the illumination is provided by black track lighting suspended from an intricate network of black metal railing; the furniture is black and angular. Along the far wall, spelled out in four-foot-high Helvetica Medium Extended letters carved from granite, is the word:
  
  In the center of the lobby is a huge black leather couch, and a low black marble coffee table. A hallway leads east, and an exit leads north, back out to the street.
  A pair of maintenance workers in white overalls walks in from the
  east. One is carrying a toolbox, and the other is carrying a light bulb and a sheet of paper.
  "Let's see," says the one carrying the sheet of paper, carefully reading it. "The trouble ticket says that bulb number 47 has blown again." He looks up at the track lighting. "Damn! We forgot the ladder!"
  "No need," says the other. He sets his toolbox on the coffee table, then climbs up onto the table. "I can reach number 47 from here," he says. He reaches up and unscrews one of the bulbs, then lays it on top of the railing. "Hand me that new bulb," he says. The other worker hands him the bulb, and he screws it into the socket. As he's screwing it in, a huge flash of light suddenly erupts from the socket, followed by a shower of glass. The flash of light is quickly replaced by a cloud of smoke, and flames engulf the worker. He jumps off of the table, his clothes in flames, screaming and flailing his arms, and runs out into the street. The other worker shrugs and disappears down the hall.
  Sitting on the marble coffee table is a toolbox. Sitting on the
  black metal railing is a dead light bulb.
  
  > get all
  toolbox: Taken.
  dead light bulb: You can't reach it from here; it's up in the railing.
  
  > examine the toolbox
  It's a gray metal toolbox. The toolbox is closed.
  
  > open the toolbox
  It's locked.
  
  > stand on the table
  You climb up onto the coffee table. It makes a pretty good platform -- you can reach the railing from here.
  
  > examine the bulb
  It's a dead light bulb. It seems slightly charred inside.
  
  > climb the railing
  With a little effort, you manage to climb up into the rails.
  
  You're crouching in the intricate network of rails above the lobby floor. You can't stand up, because the ceiling is only a few feet above the top of the rails, but there's plenty of room to move around. You can go down, back to the lobby floor.
  In the ceiling, you notice an access panel. The panel is currently closed.
  
  [Your score just went up.]
  
  > open the panel
  Opened.
  
  > look at the panel
  It's open.