text: > look at your surroundings
  You can tell this room's expensive, because it's got a glass roof in this climate, but it's warm inside. Warm like one of those hot planet beaches. There are trees scattered around the room and lights all twinkling all over them, and fountains, just to show off how much clean water this planet's got.
  
  Set at my place is a crab.
  
  Old Man Guest and Old Lady Guest in a purple dress are sitting on their side of the table, smiling and nodding at us. They ain't eating a thing. Kaylee's trying not to have to say too much.
  
  There are also gold-plated utensils (laser knife, itty-bitty fork, mini-mace, and flat spade) on the table.
  
  "Wish I could still enjoy meals," says Old Lady Guest to the table at large. "But I have intestinal problems. Do you know what Mayhare's Disease does?"
  
  Kaylee shakes her head.
  
  "I hope," says Old Man Guest, taking her hand, "that you are not regaling our dining companions with the intimate details of your bowel situation."
  
  "Sorry," she says. "Sometimes I forget."
  
  > Crack crab
  (with my fists)
  I give the crab a good hard thump with my closed fist. It skids off its plate and lettuce and lands on the floor.
  
  The waiter's eyes get very big. "Allow me to replace sir's crab," he says. And sure enough right away he puts another one on my plate, even uglier than before.
  
  "Lilija is such a beautiful bride," observes Old Lady Guest.
  
  We smile and nod at that. I think nodding is probably safe.
  
  > hit the crab with the mace
  (first I'm gonna take the mini-mace)
  I hit the crab a couple times with the mini-mace, but all I manage to do is speckle its shell with many tiny dents.
  
  > cut the crab with the knife
  (first I'm gonna take the laser knife)
  I revv up the laser knife and start in on the surgery. It works just dandy on the shell and claws -- lays 'em right open.
  
  > eat the crab
  (with my hands)
  My fingers are too big to get into that shell and pick out the meat.
  
  > eat the crab with the fork
  (first I'm gonna take the toy-sized fork)
  I dig the toy-sized fork into the crab and manage to pull out a strip of the meat, and then another. It's... actually very good. Kind of sweet. Doesn't take long to fork out all the meat inside.
  
  Seeing that I've finished with my previous course, the ever-hovering waiters bring me some carrot juice.
  
  > examine the juice
  It's liquid. And orange, like a carrot. I'm pretty sure it is a carrot. In liquid form.
  
  > Drink juice
  (with my hands)
  The rim of the glass is perforated all the way around. To make it harder to drink, I guess. I dribble a little on my grey scratchy shirt, but the good thing is I think it won't show. Still, need to find another way to drink the rest.
  
  > drink the juice with the straw
  Maybe the straw interfered in some fashion but what I'm tasting here is carrots plus some kind of citrusy thing.
  
  Seeing that I've finished with my previous course, the ever-hovering waiters bring me a green glass dome.
  
  > look at the dome
  It's like a tiny dome over the food, only it's clear and glassy and sort of looks like you're supposed to eat it.
  
  In the green glass dome is some chopped raw fish.
  
  > Joke
  Mal made me swear not to say anything during the dinner course that I didn't absolutely have to. Think he made Kaylee promise to tell on me, too.
  
  > examine the jacket
  The coat is made of a slightly fuzzy black cloth, very dark and unreflective. Someone put little twinkly electroluminescent lights all over it, though they are mercifully switched off at the moment. I think it's meant to be some kind of star pattern.
  
  There's a juiced battery and a control stud sewn in.
  
  There's a juiced battery and a control stud sewn in the cuffs.
  
  > eat the dome with the spade
  (first I'm gonna take the flat spade)
  That looks a good bit too hard to just bite into.
  
  > Lift dome
  That first word, you get that from the Doctor? It don't mean anything I know.
  
  > get the dome
  Got it.
  
  > Open dome
  I give the dome a good sharp blow with the side of my hand, martial-arts style. It goes skidding across the serving dish, but doesn't get far on account of this dish has high walls. Almost like it was meant to contain the blast.
  
  > hit the dome with the mace
  One good whack with the miniature mace and the dome cracks open and falls apart in a dozen or so curved shards. I could get used to the smashing-things method of eating. Suits me.
  
  > eat the shard
  *** Run-time problem P10: Since the shards of culinary glass is not allowed the property "proper utensil", it is against the rules to try to use it.
  
  (with my hands)
  I lift one of the shards to my tongue. It tastes kind of like candy. Also kind of like hot hot burning all the way down my tongue and up my nose. Ow. But tasty. A tasty ow.
  
  > eat the fish with spoon
  The overpowering scent of lavender combined with the chopped fish is strongly unappetizing. Not to mention I think Old Man Guest is laughing at me.
  
  > remove the lavender
  (first I'm gonna take the lavender sprig)
  I try stripping off the lavender sprig. Which you might think was the kind of event that would liven a stuffy party like this right up, but somehow it doesn't turn out to amuse them all very much.
  
  > take the sprig
  I tug the lavender sprig out of the clothespin.
  
  > eat the fish with the spoon
  I spoon up the tuna. Pretty sure that wasn't how I was supposed to do it, but don't much care.
  
  The next thing out is a cube of meat, just one not-very-big cube, skewered on the end of a long wire thing that stands up from the table. It's like food on an antenna.
  
  > look at the cube
  Another cube of meat, this one a centimeter or two on the side. It's glazed with brown goo and looks like it's got bits of tree sticking to it.
  
  > get the antenna
  I go to pick up the antenna, but one of the waiters leans over on my right. "Sir, the antenna is already adjusted to its ideal height."
  
  That's good to know.
  
  > eat the meat
  I lean in close and bite the meat right off its antenna. Now this wouldn't be half bad if there were about fifty more of these little cubes. As it is... you call that a dish? Wonder if I could get someone else's cube too.
  
  Seeing that I've finished with my previous course, the ever-hovering waiters bring me a cool white yogurt.
  
  > examine the yogurt
  Cool white stuff, looks like yogurt, only there's green and green-yellow and greenish-red powders layered in.
  
  > eat the yogurt with the spade
  With the flat spade I can just about manage to lift up a layer of the white stuff with some of the powder. It keeps trying to slip off. When I get it to my mouth it tastes like... lettuce. With creamy dressing. Only the whole texture is creamy.
  
  The waiter brings, last, a chocolate sphere. It's all round and glossy like a ball, until he pours some kind of hot sauce over it. Then it melts partly away right there on the plate. He also gives me a plain ordinary spoon like any old ordinary person might use. Don't see why we couldn't have gotten one of those sooner.
  
  > look at the spoon
  (the clothespin spoon)
  It looks like any other custom-made gold-plated spoon, except there's a clothespin as part of the handle.
  
  > check your inventory
  I've got on me :
  a lavender sprig
  gold-plated utensils (flat spade, itty-bitty fork, laser knife, mini-mace, clothespin spoon, and metal straw)
  a black twinkly coat (being worn)
  a grey scratchy shirt (being worn)
  a black kilt (being worn)
  a grey pair of faded underpants (being worn)