text: > look at your surroundings
  The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
  the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.
  
  On the nightstand I saw a CD player.
  
  Leah was standing there.
  
  > examine the player
  The CD player was relatively small and capable of playing music in stereo.
  
  There was something extraordinary about the CD player.
  
  > examine north window
  The window was closed, but I could see through the pane.
  
  > look through the north window
  Looking through the glass, I saw the backyard and the wooded area that lay
  beyond.
  
  > look through the south window
  Looking through the glass, I saw the quaint front lawn. Across the street
  there were houses with little space between them. White picket fences gave
  definition to property lines.
  
  > examine the player
  The CD player was relatively small and capable of playing music in stereo.
  
  There was something extraordinary about the CD player.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, painting, being
  miserable, the discovery, theater, feeling, crying, myself (Ayumu), pain or
  home.
  
  > take the player
  Taken.
  
  > touch the player
  The exterior of the CD player felt like it was made of ordinary plastic.
  
  > use the player
  I don't recognize the command USE, because it's a bit too vague; please be more
  specific about what you want to do.
  
  > Inventory
  I was wearing some socks and a uniform, and carrying a CD player and a hard
  hat.
  
  > examine the socks
  My white socks were spotless.
  
  > look under the bed
  I checked under the bed briefly, and though the lighting was dim, my above
  average night vision allowed me to see that nothing was there.
  
  > examine the closet
  (x closed)
  Which do you mean, the door or the drawer?
  
  > Drawer
  The drawer appeared to be unremarkable.
  
  > open drawer
  I opened the drawer.
  
  > look at the nightstand
  I took a moment to look at the nightstand. It had a single drawer, and its
  lacquer finish gave a glossy appearance to its wooden hue.
  
  > look behind the nightstand
  That seemed to be an insurmountable task.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, painting, being
  miserable, the discovery, theater, feeling, crying, myself (Ayumu), pain or
  home.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, Leah's mom, Judaism, us, Leah, painting,
  being miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, myself
  (Ayumu), home, girls or dying.
  
  > Memories
  I could retrieve any of the following memories:
  
  Hanukkah menorah
  
  > remember HM
  It was the eighth night of Hanukkah, and I was standing beside Leah while she
  lit nine candles. Leah said, "There are six candles to delight us for each
  night, and there is an additional candle in case we need illumination for
  reasons other than delight." After looking pensive for a moment she added,
  "Which is kind of useless because people seldom rely on candle light for
  illumination now."
  
  "But don't all practicing Jews light nine candles on the eighth night?" I
  asked.
  
  "Yes," Leah answered. "It is tradition after all."
  
  "Then it seems to me," I said, "that your dedication to lighting the Hanukkah
  menorah does serve a purpose--it binds you and your loved ones together."
  
  But I could not dwell on the memory for long because the matter with Leah would
  not wait . . .
  
  The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
  the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.
  
  Leah was standing there.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, Leah's
  mom, being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, the
  eighth night, myself (Ayumu), home, girls or dying.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, Leah's
  mom, being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, myself
  (Ayumu), the ridiculing, home, girls or dying.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > About yourself
  I could not see myself while having nothing to provide a reflection, but in my
  mind's eye I saw Ayumu, a man who was taller than Leah and who had darker skin.
  I was wearing a construction worker's uniform and socks.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > How miserable
  "Why have you been miserable?" I asked.
  
  "This is the longest we have been apart since we first met," Leah replied.
  "When I leave in the morning, I avoid looking back at the house so I do not
  have to think about the fact that you will not be walking me home."
  
  > ask if i am dying
  "Am I dying?" I asked.
  
  "No, you are not dying," Leah said. "But it is understandable why you might
  feel that way. You know, in the tarot the death card represents the end of a
  phase of your life, followed by a more important phase. I believe a significant change is on your horizon."
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, girls, myself (Ayumu) or the tarot.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
  being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, tomboy,
  remembering, home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > examine hat
  The hard hat appeared to be well-suited for protecting my head.
  
  > talk the pain
  I said, "After all you have been through I can only imagine how painful our
  separation has been for you."
  
  Leah asked, "You mean because of the loss I had already experienced--because my
  mom has died?"
  
  I looked down at my feet. "Yes," I said.
  
  > examine the uniform
  My uniform looked remarkably clean.
  
  > talk the feeling
  "Why would you want to stop feeling?" I asked.
  
  "Feeling hurts too much," Leah said.
  
  > look at the mascara
  Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
  
  Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me how my mom felt
  about the discovery?"
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
  Leah's dad, painting, Leah, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, someone else,
  home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > look at the mascara
  Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
  
  Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me what I painted?"
  
  > look at the mascara
  Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
  
  > Xyzzy
  I considered uttering "xyzzy", but I knew that no magic word was sufficient to
  resolve my and Leah's problem.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
  Leah's dad, painting, Leah, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, someone else,
  home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > look at the letter
  I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
  read it.
  
  There was something extraordinary about the letter.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
  Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, feeling, theater, Ai, loving, someone
  else, myself (Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
  
  > tell about ai
  "Why are you asking me about Ai?" I asked. "I don't know anything about Ai!"
  
  "You know," Leah said, "I can almost believe that."
  
  > examine Leah
  Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
  framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
  She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
  her surroundings were immersed in darkness.
  
  Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.
  
  Leah is holding a letter.
  
  Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me if I love
  theater?"
  
  > ask if you love the theater
  "Do you love theater?" I asked.
  
  "I so do!" Leah said. "Taking on the role of someone different from oneself is
  fun. But I suppose I do not need to tell you about that."
  
  > look at the letter
  I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
  read it.
  
  There was something extraordinary about the letter.
  
  > touch the letter
  The letter felt like it was made of ordinary paper.
  
  > read the letter
  I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
  read it.
  
  There was something extraordinary about the letter.
  
  > look at leah
  Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
  framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
  She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
  her surroundings were immersed in darkness.
  
  Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.
  
  Leah is holding a letter.
  
  > examine the blouse
  The modest blouse covered Leah's arms.
  
  > look at the skirt
  The violet skirt extended to Leah's knees.
  
  > examine eyes
  Generally speaking, there is no need to refer to your body parts individually
  
  to the contrary, you probably cannot OPEN DOOR WITH FOOT or PUT THE SAPPHIRE
  RING IN MY MOUTH.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
  Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
  (Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
  Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
  (Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
  
  > talk letter
  "I don't want you to worry," I said. "When someone says 'love' in the valediction of a letter, they do not necessarily mean--"
  
  Leah interrupted, exclaiming, "Stop it! Stop being evasive! What are you--?"
  
  Suddenly she became silent. I took a moment to reflect on the intensity of her
  rage. It struck me as out of character for her.
  
  > open the north window
  I opened the north facing window, and the influx of cold air gave Leah goose
  bumps.
  
  > look at leah
  Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
  framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
  She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
  her surroundings were immersed in darkness.
  
  Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.
  
  Leah is holding a letter.
  
  > go north
  I couldn't go that way. From there I could go south.
  
  > enter the north window
  That seemed to be an insurmountable task.
  
  > Kiss leah
  In that moment it seemed Leah just wanted to talk.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
  Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
  (Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
  
  > ask Leah about the home
  "Could we talk about home?" I asked.
  
  "I thought we had found a home together," Leah said. "Where is home when we
  are apart?"
  
  > Continue
  "Could we talk about home?" I asked.
  
  "I thought we had found a home together," Leah said. "Where is home when we
  are apart?"
  
  > ask about apart
  "What has it been like for you while we have been apart?" I asked.
  
  Leah replied, "The pain has been excruciating."
  
  > ask about pain
  I said, "After all you have been through I can only imagine how painful our
  separation has been for you."
  
  Leah asked, "You mean because of the loss I had already experienced--because my
  mom has died?"
  
  I looked down at my feet. "Yes," I said.
  
  > look at the mascara
  Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
  
  > wear the mascara
  (first trying to take the mascara)
  It was not up to me to remove Leah's makeup.
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
  Leah's dad, painting, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, remembering, someone else,
  pain, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > Hint
  (Warning: Some people don't like built-in hints, since the temptation to ask
  for help prematurely can become overwhelming when hints are so close at hand.
  If you're worried that your willpower won't hold up, you can disable hints for
  the rest of this session by typing HINTS OFF. If you still want to see the
  hints now, type HINT.)
  
  > Hint
  I am stuck! How do I progress?
  Hints                                          Q=Quit
  P=Previous Menu
  U=Up D=Down
  ENTER=Select
  Have you tried combining topics? [1/1]
  [The End]
  I am stuck! How do I progress? Q=Quit
  P=Previous Menu
  U=Up D=Down
  ENTER=Select
  
  > Topics
  I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
  Leah's dad, painting, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, remembering, someone else,
  pain, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
  
  > examine the bed
  I saw an ordinary double bed, complete with a mattress. It had been properly
  made since it was last slept in. A nightstand sat on its easternmost side.
  
  > look at the mattress
  The mattress looked suitable for giving someone a good night's rest.
  
  > ask if she is a the lesbian
  "Are you a lesbian?" I asked.
  
  Leah asked, "Are you?"
  
  A memory was brought to mind.
  
  > Memories
  I could retrieve any of the following memories:
  
  Hanukkah menorah
  kiss
  
  > remember the kiss
  I was heading for the door with my hard hat, and the one who had always stood
  beside me asked, "Are you leaving?"
  
  "Yes," I said, "but I will be back after work."
  
  "Can I give you a kiss goodbye, hon?" she asked.
  
  I gave my usual reply: "Of course!"
  
  What happened next was unlike anything that had happened before. She did
  exactly as she said she would. She kissed me. Instead of kissing the air
  beside my cheek as she had every time before, she pressed her lips against
  mine.
  
  The ceiling descended. The walls closed in on us. The fire was snuffed out,
  and a new, unfamiliar fire began to burn within me.
  
  Had my best friend stepped out of character? Had we stopped playing house long
  before the kiss? Had Leah been saying, "I love you," to Ayumu . . .
  
  . . . or had Orli been saying, "I love you," to Ai? Did I love Orli? And if
  I did, did that make me a lesbian?
  
  I had so many questions. And I wanted nothing more than to outrun them all.
  
  Orli said, "Ai, I--"
  
  "I have to go," I said, interrupting her. And I opened the door of her bedroom
  and left her standing alone. The way I found her when I returned.
  
  I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
  nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
  nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
  eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.
  
  A backpack sat at my feet.
  
  I could see a letter there.
  
  Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.
  
  Orli was standing there.
  
  > look at Orli
  Orli was standing in front of me. She had an aquiline nose framed by the soft
  curves of her face. Her long, curly, dark brown hair cascaded freely down her
  shoulders. When I looked at her lips, I could not help but think about how
  soft they had felt on mine.
  
  Orli was wearing a white sundress. She was barefoot.
  
  > About yourself
  The only way I could see myself is by looking into Orli's eyes, and by then I
  was close enough to do so. I saw Ai, a girl who was slightly taller than Orli
  and who had darker skin. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and a pair of jeans.
  On my feet I had only socks.
  
  > Examine calendar
  The calendar is opened to the month April 1996. Every day on the calendar has
  been crossed off up to and including the date April 12th.
  
  > examine the paintings
  On the wall I saw three paintings--one of two people dancing in a club, one of
  two people sitting on a blanket in a backyard, and one of two people standing
  near a Hanukkah menorah.
  
  A memory was brought to mind.
  
  > Memories
  I could retrieve any of the following memories:
  
  > Examine backpack
  The backpack was olive drab. It had a tear that ran along a seam in its
  bottom.
  
  > examine the tear
  It seemed that the backpack was suitable for carrying large objects, such as
  notebooks, while other items would have slipped through the tear.
  
  > examine the letter
  The handwritten letter read as follows:
  
  Dear Orli,
  
  This is not the first time I have written this letter. Each time I write it, I
  describe the feelings I have for you and put the letter in my pack with every
  intention of giving it to you. And each time I carry it to your dad's place, I
  decide that our relationship is too important to allow it to see the light of
  day, and I destroy it.
  
  You are my greatest love. I have written it a hundred times, and I will write
  it a hundred more. You are beautiful from head to talent. I shudder every
  time I remember pulling your lovely hair into a ponytail, and I hope to one day
  come up with an excuse to run my fingers over your gorgeous eyebrows. I both
  envy and admire the creative power that flows through you and onto the canvas
  and the stage.
  
  The only thing I could ever want more than to tell you how much I love you is
  to protect you from just such a declaration of love. If I were a boy, my only
  worry would be the possibility of damaging my relationship with my best
  friend--with you. But we are not so fortunate. If our parents discovered my
  feelings for you, wouldn't I be responsible if they crushed your artistic
  spirit? If our classmates discovered my feelings for you, wouldn't I be
  
  responsible for every hair of your head they harmed? The
  thought of losing you
  is my greatest fear.
  
  It has not escaped my attention that our peers no longer engage in the sort of
  roleplay that you and I do, and I figure it is only a matter of time before you
  also "grow out of it", as they say. In the meantime I hope you will excuse my
  fumbling attempts to continue to care for you as Ayumu does because I do not
  know if I will ever have the opportunity to care for you as I would.
  
  With love,
  Ai
  
  > remember pfph
  I was writing the words "Property Deed" on a sheet of paper. Orli was sitting
  across from me with her hair in pigtails and a children's watercolor kit
  nearby. She was painting a building with a white picket fence in front of it
  and trees behind it.
  
  "This can be our house," Orli said, "for after we get married."
  
  A feeling of panic came over me, and I looked up and said, "I don't think girls
  are supposed to marry girls!"
  
  Orli was scandalized. "Then how can we play house?"
  
  I tapped my chin with the eraser of my pencil and exclaimed, "You can be the
  girl, and I can be the boy!"
  
  Orli returned her eyes to her painting and said, "Okay."
  
  But I could not dwell on the memory for long because the matter with Orli would
  not wait . . .
  
  I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
  nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
  nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
  eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.
  
  A backpack sat at my feet.
  
  I could see a letter there.
  
  Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.
  
  Orli was standing there.
  
  > examine cds
  Among the CD cases I saw the cases for 4 Non Blonde's single "What's Up?" and
  Jill Sobule's "I Kissed a Girl".
  
  > Kiss orli
  "Would you kiss me?" I requested.
  
  Orli said, "I am afraid you will run away again."
  
  "Then may I kiss you?" In response to that request Orli nodded her head
  vigorously, and with my lips parted slightly I gave her a kiss. Somehow it
  felt more electrifying than our first.
  
  "Do you have to leave soon?" she asked.
  
  "No," I answered.
  
  "I am happy to hear that," she said, "because I really want you to kiss me
  again."
  
  And so, dear diary, that is the story of how I gave my heart to the girl who
  demolished the house we had taken years to build. I have to admit that giving
  up life as I have known it is scary. But I am not the first to leave everything behind for the love of a girl, am I?
  
  > Go upwards
  One turn undone: kiss orli
  Bedroom
  I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
  nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
  nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
  eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.
  
  A backpack sat at my feet.
  
  I could see a letter there.
  
  Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.
  
  Orli was standing there.
  
  > Go south
  I walked out the door again--that time for the last time. I did not look back,
  not even when I heard Orli resume crying.
  
  And that, dear diary, is the story of how I walked away from the love of my
  life. I suspect that one day I will return to these pages to reminisce, and I
  will ask myself the question, "Why didn't I give Orli a chance?" For the
  benefit of myself--the self who reads these words at a later date--I do as Orli
  so often did and answer my question with a question: "When did society give me
  and Orli a reason to believe we stood a chance?"