text: [Themes: modern, true story, horror]
  
  Pain...true pain...something stabs at the edge of your consciousness. No wait...
  
  Your eyes snap open, your shit and filth covered body reverberating as something slams into it...again and again. As the feces float out of your vision, you are accosted by the horrible sight of one of the beast people!
  
  It's little fuzzy pole jamming in and out of one of the many openings in your body. Your mouth gapes wide and excretes a foul, smelly, green liquid, covering the Rat Man! It screams as the acidic taste burns its flesh, and it hops into the squishy log filled waters in an attempt to wash off the liquid...bad idea.
  
  It screams from the pain of all the horrible bodily fluids and excrements entering its open wounds. And unable to handle the pain, it goes under and opens its mouth, swallowing as much as it can in a strange act of self mercy killing.
  
  You groan in pain, and realize you can't...but wait. A tentacle slowly emerges from your body slowly snaking on the stone walkway. Green glowing liquid seeps off of it and the tentacle crawls...but it twitches as well.
  
  After some straining and braining, you eventually learn you can control it! The rat-man cum and magic ooze must have somehow combined to give you these extraordinary powers!
  
  Your silver tray scrapes across the stone walkway as you grow another tentacle to pull yourself across...uggh, so damn slow.
  
  Some squeaks meet your ears, and you look over, to see several rat-men approaching, armed with rusty swords and spears. One of them, the apparent leader watches you intently, his paw on resting on the sword sheathed at his side.
  
  Two of the rats approach, one armed with a little club, and another with a spear. The one with the spear pokes at you a bit, and you see one further back licking their lips. The leader calls out to the rats in their language, and the one who was poking at you shrugs and seems to dismiss him. These rats are bothering you, and pose a great threat...but you get an idea. A way to get more power...
  
  > Spit Acid Goop
  Your eyes widen as does your mouth, as the acidic vomit leaves your face, the rat yelp in surprise. Their flesh sizzles as the spear wielders leg burns to the bone, and he falls to the ground. The other rat holds his face and writhes out in agony before falling still. You lunge forward your tentacles, grabbing the surviving rat-man of the two and drag him closer. You munch and chew on him as you fit the whole rat-man in your mouth.
  
  You feel a burst of energy coursing through you, and the silver tray falls out from under you as you gain mass and power. Smirking evilly you lash out your tentacles once again, growing more as you do so.
  
  You strike one in the face, sending him against the stone wall, his skull cracking against it. He slumps down in a pitiful heap. The next one you wrap a tentacle around his ankle and force him into the shitty waters about a foot below him, sending another tentacle down to keep him under.
  
  The leader of the rat-men and his last two appear at a loss as to what to do. You leap forward, jamming a couple tentacles down one of their throats, and coiling around his wrist to stop him from reaching for his sword.
  
  The leader hops back as you shoot a tentacle around his other friends neck. Your mouth opens wide, and you gargle some of the green acid before shooting it at the trio. With surprising speed the leader chops through the one tentacle around one of his friends neck with his rusty sword. They spin as he tackles him into the fece filled water just in time to avoid the acid!
  
  Unfortunately there was nothing he could for the other rat-man, fortunately for you. You finish him off, and proceed to consume the corpses. You watch as the rat-man leader and his only surviving friend stare in horror as they let the current carry them somewhere safe.
  
  You're not worried about them, you have what you need.
  
  > Growth and Revenge
  Now that you have grown in power as well as size, it is time to exact your revenge! Your three potential targets won't be too easy at all. The first, and perhaps the easiest to get to might be Karstark. While you will have to worry about his entourage of demons, they don't seem like too much of a threat. You will have to travel a fair way to the demon infested shit areas of Cystia, but shit, with your appearance they will probably think you are one of them.
  
  The next possible target is Steve. He shouldn't be too hard to find, especially if you start looking now, before he sails off somewhere again. Shit, you might even be able to get him and Malk in one fell swoop. The only thing about him is that he is a tenacious bastard, he will not go too easily. You've seen his alcohol fueled duels against some of the beast people and other members of the land.
  
  Then there is Malk, who will likely be most on his guard. You'll have to try and catch him when he is high or drunk, as he won't have too good coordination like Steve. The issue with him is that if he channels his berserker rage you're probably fucked. Might have to sneak up on him when it comes time to get your revenge on him.
  
  You sincerely hope none of the other villains get in your way, which is always a possibility. You will just have to cross that bridge when you get there.
  
  Seems like Karstark will may be the easiest, so you'll start with him.
  
  > Karstark
  Well, you'll have to go with the weakest link first. Besides, he was the only one completely sober when they chopped you up and baked you into a pie. That bastard. Being the large sack of pie that you are, you roll your way out of the sewers, careful to evade any of the large groups of rat people looking for you. You do travel by the sewers though, and the going is easier when you get out of rat territory.
  
  You come across all manner of freaks and beasts in the sewer systems, which span for miles and miles. A few times you even get someone to guide your toward Lord Karstark's little territory.
  
  Your current guide, some Nuub named Lord Shark points up to a ladder. Apparently these two Lords have been feuding for a while now, so of course he would be happy to help you!
  
  You're about to make your way up when he holds up a hand.
  
  "Hey, so this ladder should lead right into the middle of his camp, in a not so open place of course," Lord Shark says, "but if you go a little more up that way, there should be a pipe that leads somewhere else in his camp."
  
  Shark looks around before continuing.
  
  "I can't say for sure where it goes but it couldn't hurt to check it out."
  
  "Thanks," you say, "I appreciate the assistance."
  
  > Ladder
  You climb up the ladder, open the hatch, and find yourself smack in the middle of Karstark's camp just as you expected. You look around, several demons are just milling about. While demons should be inherently scary, they don't seem like anything a human pie couldn't handle.
  
  > Stealth
  You decide to play this as quietly as a pie that needs to roll and slither about can. Somehow, you manage to make it across the fort ruins, evading drunken "patrols" and such. Rolling past all the tents, you eventually find who you're looking for.
  
  Sitting on an outhouse potty...without the outhouse, is Lord Karstark. His nose buried in some a story by one, who goes by the name of queenlatifa04, with the lowest rated book, presumably about to be turned into toilet paper.
  
  You send your tentacle forth, stabbing through the shitty (or soon to be shitty paper) and the tentacle slams right through his chest. Karstark's mouth gapes and quivers.
  
  "Y-y-you....I remember you..." Karstark says.
  
  "I would assume so, you just turned me into a pie," you say.
  
  "That was...months ago..." Karstark says before is head droops down and shpfoooooooouuuutt his legs jerk upwards as his bowels empty.
  
  You remove your bloody tentacle, admiring the sharp end on this one. You didn't even know you could do that, must have been instinct. Well, that was surprisingly easy.
  
  You slither off and evade the camp guards once again, making your way back to the sewers.
  
  > Steve
  Once again, you reach the lands of Cystia, but damn have the sewers gone to hell! There seems to have been a surge of rat and beast people down here in general. The rat-men seem to have think the villains sent you down there to attack them, and the rest are just taking advantage of the opportunity.
  
  You try to be as sneaky as possible, snacking on a couple unfortunates to keep up your strength. The rats are dumb, which works in your favor, but they seem to have riled up the guards. It takes days to sneak past the patrols and fenced off portions of the sewers, they have this shit on lock down!
  
  You finally are within range of the castle. The guards are heavy over here, but it seems that the beast people have breached their defenses where it counts. Their sheer numbers are not helping things either. Among all the chaos, a group of three stand out to you.
  
  The first, some kind of bad ass with a Viking helmet and twin axes, and the most epic beard in history. He tears into the scum, giving them what for.
  
  The second, tall and wearing some kind of silver armor, wields a mighty mace. The coiling engraved designs on his armor serve no real purpose, but they look cool. His helmet designed to reflect all but the most serious blows, the visor itself appearing as the face of a snake. The fangs protruding on either end, and the large gaping mouth offering him a place to see the battle from.
  
  The third is a true terror, causing some of the beast people to visibly shake in fear as they try to withstand his awesome power. His odd shaped helmet coming around to form a beak of some sort, he swings his mighty hammer. Sending multiple beast people flying at a time, every hit causing some king of magic spark.
  
  The random guards standing around them try to stay out of their way other than making sure the beast people don't surround them. There are even some demons here, presumably from Karstark's little territory.
  
  You watch all the chaos, eventually (and painstakingly slow) make your way closer, hiding in the shadows. Close enough to hear the trio talking amidst the chaos. Some Fox boi hops forward, nicking the Viking's exposed flesh. But the one with the snake armor makes the fox regret it, pummeling him down to a pulp.
  
  "Don't die on us!" hammer says, "you still gotta finish Bucky's contest!"
  
  "That's right...I do," the Viking says staring blankly at the floor, "that's a lot of writing...."
  
  The Viking looks at his two companions, "Remember me." He roars and bursts forth, the hammer tries to grab onto him but it's too late. In a twirling rage he slices and chops his way through the hordes, taking several injuries as he goes.
  
  "Romulus! Nooo!" the hammer cries out.
  
  Within moments the one known as Romulus goes down in his glorious Viking fury. Even the hordes of beast people proved too much.
  
  Wait...Romulus? You know him, and the other two?
  
  You squint your pie eyes, ahh yes. You wouldn't recognize them in this get up, but now you're sure who they are. The one with the hammer...that's definitely Berka, doubtful he would let someone borrow his hammer to smite the hordes.
  
  And the snake armor....Steve! Who else could it be?
  
  > strike Now
  You slither up a bit, and prepare to pounce! Letting out an unearthly roar, you soar through the air. Several beast people, and guards alike all stare mouths gaping, as this pudgy pie person flies. Steve reels back in surprise and Berka rolls out of the way, but he rolls too far...and right into the middle of the beasts ranks!
  
  You catch a glimpse of them all surrounding and piling on top of him. Unfortunate, but with him out of the way no one can stop you from getting to your real target.
  
  Your tentacle flies directly for his face, he raises his arm, and you manage to coil it around his arm and pull. He pulls back, even looping the tentacle around his wrist and gripping onto it with his hand.
  
  The struggle is real...but you sick your other tentacles on him! You nearly pierce through his armor, but then you hear a shout to your side. You look over with your weird pie eyes, and to your horror...Berka emerges from the horde! Several beast people fly through the air as he forces his way out, swinging that hammer like a retarded kid with a stick (only way cooler), he fights his way back over.
  
  He raises the hammer and jumps forward, bringing the thing down on you.
  
  "Cuuurse yoouuuuuu!" you scream as the hammer crushes the shit out of you, and bits of cherry pie and human flesh squirt out.
  
  What happens after banishment? Shit who knows, all anyone does know, is that that's the end of the story of The Pie.