text: [Themes: love & dating, socially important, humor, family friendly, romance, animal perspective]
  
  Bushy tail drooping down in defeat, you lie in the crook of a branch high up in a tree, breathing out sad sighs to yourself and meditating on the cruelty of the world.
  
  Across from you, in a nearby tree, you have a perfect view of two brilliant blue jays building a nest. It's almost heartbreaking how in love they are. Love is so beautiful. Why can't you find a nice squirrel girl to look at you the way they look at each other?
  
  You reached maturity in Winter and this Spring you were supposed to find a mate. Instead, you watched all the other squirrels you knew pair off one by one, leaving you alone. Your best efforts somehow have only made things worst, and after your latest failure you only want to crawl in a hole and die.
  
  Unfortunately, life spans being what they are, you probably won't get to do that for another five years, at least.
  
  "Hey, what are you looking at, you creep? This is our territory now, back off!" the male jay abruptly shouts at you.
  
  "What?"
  
  "You heard me! Sling that brush around and fluff off!"
  
  You blink at him, affronted. "Seriously what the heck? Just leave me alone you jerk bird, I'm not bothering you. I'm in a completely different tree!"
  
  That was apparently the wrong response, and in answer the blue jay makes a horrible screeching noise and flings himself at you!
  
  Scrambling backwards and out of the way, you trip on a twig and go tumbling out of the tree, pedaling your paws frantically and grabbing at branches as you go but ultimately landing with a thud! on a pile of dead leaves on the ground.
  
  Both jays laugh uproariously, joined by several other birds and random animals you hadn't even been aware of. Even a pair of snails on the base of the tree trunk wriggle their eye tentacles in amusement.
  
  "Smooth moves, nutgobbler!" the female jay calls. "What kind of squirrel falls out of a tree?"
  
  "Sh-shut up! I just slipped, is all. It was a slippery elm!"
  
  No, it wasn't actually. It wasn't even an elm, it was a sycamore. You're not sure why you said that, but your angry protestation provokes a fresh burst of laughter.
  
  "Sure sure, now screw off twinkletoes. Find another tree to sulk in, you little fairy!" the first jay shouts, dancing back and forth along a branch overhead and waggling his tail. "I'm gonna get REAL mad in a minute and then you're gonna be dodging some bombs, if you get my drift."
  
  You slink away until the laughter fades and hide yourself in a bush, inwardly raging.
  
  After awhile you fall asleep, and wake up feeling calmer. You reflect on how that silly jay clearly mistook you for someone else, anyhow. Twinkletoes is one of your neighbor's sons. Your name is Barkbiter. But you suppose all squirrels must look alike, to a bird.
  
  It was odd though that he called you a fairy, as you clearly don't have wings. And why would having wings be an insult used by a bird?
  
  Birds. They're just jerks, you know? Who understands them.
  
  But it does get you thinking. There actually is a fairy that lives in this forest. Everyone calls her, somewhat unoriginally, the Forest Fairy.
  
  Surely a being so powerful and wise would be able to provide you with a magic spell to fix your love troubles?
  
  [Author's Note: ...and the squirrels. Sort of. Written in six hours, for no other reason than to avoid consignment to the SHAME pit after my other Romance contest entry didn't want to cooperate.]
  
  > visit the Forest Fairy
  To get to the home of the Forest Fairy you unfortunately have to make your way through sort of a scary neighborhood of rotting run down trees on the bad side of the forest. A lot of black squirrels live here.
  
  You try to scurry along without attracting attention, but soon find yourself confronted by a gang of burly blackfurs.
  
  "Hey you, these trees are the territory of the Pebbletoss gang!" one of them informs you.
  
  "Better leave now, or something bad might happen to you," says another. As he speaks he rolls a dangerous looking pebble around in his paw to emphasize his point.
  
  > fight them!
  "Bad idea," smirks the squirrel in the highest branch, interrupting your charge by flinging a pebble that smacks you HARD right between the eyes and makes you see stars.
  
  Most squirrels around these parts know better than to tangle with a bunch of blackfurs, but apparently you needed a reminder as to why; while you struggle to shake off the pebble blow, they take turns kicking, scratching, and biting you. Then they hold you down and whip you with your own tail, yelling 'Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!' and cackling wildly. Finally, they throw you to the ground and resume their careless poses hanging out on the branches outside their holes.
  
  > apologize and beg them to let you pass.
  As long as no girls see you humiliate yourself like this, it's fine right? The black squirrels listen with amusement to your pathetic whimpering apology, then after a brief discussion among themselves approach you again.
  
  "All right, here's the deal. Our leader Bristleback..." This seems to refer to the most muscular squirrel of the bunch, although really it seems like most black squirrels are more athletic and physically intimidating than normal eastern grey squirrels such as yourself. But you've always considered this to indicate lessened intelligence on their part rather than laziness or inadequacy on yours so it's all good. "...has said you can pass through our corner of the woods, if you bring us a sack of dewberries first. There's a big snarl of brambles just six trees away from here, on the left. You can gather them there."
  
  They toss a grass bag at you in what seems an unnecessarily contemptuous manner, and resume their perches to wait.
  
  > go collect dewberries.
  You find the dewberries without any trouble, right where they described. Indeed, the leafy mound of brambles spreads so far and grows so high it dwarfs the tallest shrubs surrounding it, and attracts birds and rodents of all kinds.
  
  Leaping from your tree down to a shrub, you work your way around the the mound. The ripe berries are mixed in among the red and green ones, but you find a few dewberries that are a shiny black and sweet enough here and there on the surface. There aren't too many that the birds have missed however, and for most of the remaining berries you're forced to wriggle your way among the leaves to locate and reach them. The tiny thorns snag your fur, sometimes painfully.
  
  After awhile you notice that there are still a lot of berries on the lower brambles near the ground. They're big, ripe and juicy, and there's a lot of them. Any bird could easily swoop down there and eat itself sick, and even the smallest mouse could easily help themselves. Yet they're completely untouched. Weird.
  
  > pick the easy to reach berries near the ground.
  It's amazing how many berries there are! You quickly stuff them in your bag. There are so many you even stop to gobble a few, the sweet purple juices staining your paws and face.
  
  A soft rustle in the grass behind you makes you think someone else has caught on to the buffet down here and decided to join you. You turn, and have just enough time for your brain to register that the sudden blur of motion you see is the wide open mouth of a rattlesnake striking towards you, but not enough for your body to react. Too late, you realize that the only thing on the menu down here is you.