text: [Themes: Screen, Satire]
  
  > Go downward
  You begin to crawl forward, the tunnel floor oozing and pliable under your knees and palms. The tunnel begins to shiver, and from up ahead a roar like a waterfall issues from the darkness. Your hands suddenly lose traction as gravity begins its quickening pull. You begin to slide down... down... down...
  
  -- glaring light...
  
  [Hit any key.]
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't hit an escape clause, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > look
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't hit an escape clause, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))) Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > look
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))) Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return
  You'll have to be more specific about how you want to do that.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself))))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > Escape
  You'll have to be more specific about how you want to do that.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 0
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself))))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > Return 1
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > 2
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))) Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom.
  
  > Escape
  You'll have to be more specific about how you want to do that.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 4000
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))) Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 0
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself)))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 0
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (Inside Zarf (In yourself))
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 69105
  You halt the current execution and pop up to the next level.
  
  Inside Zarf (In yourself)
  Recursion has always been one of your favorite tools, but you know far too well that if it doesn't return a value, it will recur until the stack overflows and the system crashes.
  
  > return 0
  You return the last value, and a shadow falls over you. Touching it, you fall inward. Meanwhile, a few turns ago...
  
  [Hit any key.]
  File Room (as Peter)
  The situation has gone from bad to worse, here. The army of mutant little file cabinet robots has herded you and Valerie back against the north wall. The window is behind you. Melvin is across the room, working controls on the copier, which has opened up to reveal some sort of pulsating machine innards.
  
  A secret door has been revealed in the wall.
  
  Valerie says, "What do we do?"
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: We go out the window.
  2: We attack Melvin.
  3: We make a break for the portal.
  4: We do like Captain Kirk, and incapacitate Melvin with logic.
  
  > 4
  You say, "We do like Captain Kirk, and incapacitate Melvin with logic."
  
  Valerie looks at you like you're the biggest nerd she has ever met, and considering you both work at Red Hat, that's saying something. "See what you can do, I guess," she says.
  
  > talk to Melvin
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: Melvin. I submit that your plans are illogical.
  
  > 1
  You say, "Melvin. I submit that your plans are illogical."
  
  Melvin looks up at you. "Illogical?" he asks. "My plans are perfect. Not that they're my plans, of course. The Great Brain of Dimension X knows all." Melvin begins to fidget, the first time you've seen him nervous since things started to get really weird. "Who am I to question his perfect logic? I am created in his perfect image. We serve logic. We serve the Great Brain."
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: I submit that your orders are illogical.
  
  > 1
  You say, "I submit that your orders are illogical."
  
  Melvin's left eyelid starts to twitch. "No, no. My orders are perfect. The Great Brain is incapable of error. The Great Brain is God! God is
  
  > 1
  Logic!"
  
  Valerie whispers, "I think it's working!"
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: I submit that *you* are illogical!
  
  >>
  
  You say, "I submit that *you* are illogical!"
  
  "No -- no, it cannot be!" Melvin says. He looks confused, staring at the pulsating brain and back to you. "Logic is God. God is Logic. Those who do not serve God must be destroyed!"
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: I submit that the Great Brain is illogical. You serve a false God, a god of illogic! What is the penalty for serving a false God?
  
  > 1
  You say, "I submit that the Great Brain is illogical. You serve a false God, a god of illogic! What is the penalty for serving a false God?"
  
  Melvin begins to quiver and shake. "Illogical... illogical..." Smoke starts coming of his ears. "Must -- must -- serve -- groink! Blatt!" He makes a few sputtering noises and collapses.
  
  Valerie says, "There's no way that should have worked."
  
  Suddenly, Melvin springs back to his feet, shoots you an evil grin, and laughs like an insane android might at a time like this.
  
  "Idiot," Melvin says. "There's no such thing as the Great Brain. I'm just here to kill you because I'm an evil android bastard who loves to kill. And it'll be a special pleasure killing someone so dweebishly gullible."
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: Oh well. It was worth a shot.
  
  > 1
  You say, "Oh well. It was worth a shot."
  
  Melvin says, "Hardly." He goes back to fiddling with the pulsating machine brain.
  
  Valerie whispers, "So. Any other bright ideas?"
  
  What would you like to say? [0 to cancel]
  1: I'll pick up one of the cabinets and throw it at Melvin. You should go for the portal. Then I'll figure out some way of getting in there myself.
  
  > 1
  You say, "I'll pick up one of the cabinets and throw it at Melvin. You should go for the portal. Then I'll figure out some way of getting in there myself."
  
  Valerie gives you a kiss. "For good luck," she says as the heroic music swells.
  
  The conversation kind of trails off at that point.
  
  > kiss valerie
  Keep your mind on the game.
  
  > take the cabinet
  You pick up the nearest file cabinet, which turns out to be the Z-Y cabinet. The stupid robot starts making a pathetic squealing noise.
  
  "Hey! Put him down this instant!" shrieks Melvin.
  
  > throw the cabinet at Melvin
  (the army of mutant little file cabinet robots at Melvin)
  
  What heroic catch phrase would you like to utter?
  [1]Here's mud in your eye, sucker! [2]It's clobberin' time!
  [3]Hasta la vista, bubbala! [4]You remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied!
  
  > 2
  "It's clobberin' time!" you shout.
  
  "Who do you think this mutant army is, the Yancy Street Gang?" Valerie says.
  
  "Don't ruin my moment. Just get moving!"
  
  Valerie makes a gymnastic diving roll over the sinister little cabinets and disappears into the portal. You fling the little metallic beast at Melvin, but your aim is terrible. Fortunately, you lobbed it so far to the side that it goes smashing into the pulsating copier machine brain heart organ thingy, which implodes and then explodes, emitting a terrific shower of sparks and a sad little dying scream.
  
  As you might expect, Melvin shouts, "Noooooooooooo!" as the little army of stupid robots topples over en masse, vomiting their paper folder guts all over the place.
  
  > look at Melvin
  Melvin Prufrock is a thin, translucent looking individual, with tics and other twitchy mannerisms passing for a personality. He is insanely tall, approaching six foot eight, but probably only weighs 130 pounds with clothes on. You don't even want to consider what he's like without clothes on. He also looks like he's about six years younger than you are, so about nineteen, and yet he's several rankings above you on the ladder.
  
  Melvin withdraws some sort of bulbous metal ray gun from one of the dead cabinets. "You should have escaped when you had the chance, Peter!" he says as he pulls the trigger. For a moment, you feel absolutely nothing, and then you realize with some shock that this is because your nervous system has been completely vaporized, and the rest of you along with it.
  
  > enter the portal
  You leap for the portal.
  
  Weird Tunnel (as Peter)
  You are on your hands and knees in a claustrophobic tunnel. It leads down, as nearly as you can tell, but your equilibrium is distorted in here. The curving walls gleam with the semblance of wet rock, but the palms of your hands tell a different story. It feels like organic tissue, a thick layer of hide, with the elastic strength of muscle. Like sharkskin, it is silken and slick in one direction but resists any backwards movement with a roughened grain.
  
  You hear Melvin scream, "You can't get away from *ME*!"