text: [Themes: Slice of life, Collegiate, college]
  
  > describe your surroundings
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see two snack food bags and a swivel chair here.
  Evan is here, expounding upon some obscure piece of trivia.
  
  Evan wonders what the world would be like if everyone walked on the ceiling.
  
  > examine Bob
  Bob, alleged star athlete on the school's basket weaving team (Australian rules), is rather crude, rude, perpetually inebriated, and more than a bit ditzy. Unfortunately, that's his good side. He's looking a little better than usual today, though, having recently pulled through a savage bout with scurvy, but fortunately (from Bob's point of view), you don't need teeth to drink beer. At the moment he's thoroughly passed out.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with mass transit and how he would change things.
  
  Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
  
  > Go west
  This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
  since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
  
  Evan follows you into your bedroom.
  
  > close the door
  Which door do you mean, your closet door, or your bedroom door?
  
  > Closet
  Closed.
  
  Evan gives an impromptu talk about Brazil in the (hypothetical) 2030's.
  
  > examine the wrench
  A large wrench, made of titanium. This was a beloved 16th birthday present from your parents.
  
  Evan makes a few remarks about the possibility of steam saving the world.
  
  > wait
  Time passes...
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Parchesi.
  
  Evan makes a few remarks about the possibility of steam saving the world.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Send in the Clowns" along with the radio, and doing it badly.
  
  Evan gives an impromptu talk about life.
  
  > Go north
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see two snack food bags here.
  
  From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing some pop song along with the radio, and doing it badly.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall.
  
  > go to the west
  This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
  it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
  The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
  the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
  piece of cellophane here.
  John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
  desperately to read his psychology textbook.
  Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
  Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.
  
  Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering something about losing an electronic game on his desk.
  
  Evan follows you into the living room.
  
  > look at the game
  Small, orange, and plastic, this electronic game was given to John for his birthday. John, having a limited attention span at best, quickly abandoned this gift before he could get through its alleged "20,000 Questions!" The case sports an LCD screen and a small speaker. There are also four buttons, colored red, yellow, green, and blue, lined up vertically to the left of the screen, next to where the possible answers to the game's questions will be displayed. The game is currently off.
  
  John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"
  
  "So, John," says Alice, "how're you doing hitting those books? Real swell?" John mumbles something uncomfortably and tries to continue studying.
  
  Evan wonders what the world would be like if it were love, not money, that made the world go round.
  
  > put tape on the speaker
  You place the duct tape on the speaker.
  
  "Rationalization, sublimation, displacement, rationalization!" John recites desperately.
  
  Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen. The cellophane bounces off the refrigerator, and skims the edge of the kitchen sink. Just as it looks as if it would go in, it falls to the floor.
  
  Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the minuet for a little while.
  
  "I've always wondered what life would be like if it were exactly like a text adventure game," says Evan. "I'm not sure I'd like it. For example, everything you did would take exactly one minute to do no matter what it was."
  
  > give the game to Evan
  "Geez, about time you finished with that," says Evan irritably as he takes the game from you again.
  
  John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"
  
  > Quiz john
  You ask John a question about repression. "Wait, I know that! I know that!" exclaims John. He grits his teeth and closes his eyes in concentration. "No, wait, I forgot! I forgot!"
  
  John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.
  
  Alice reminisces about a really good tuna fish sandwich she once had.
  
  > go to the east
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see two snack food bags here.
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
  
  > Go south
  This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
  since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and a closed closet door to the east.
  
  Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
  
  > examine the desk
  This is your mahogany desk, a gift to you on your fifteenth birthday. You've spent many a long hour studying at this desk, and many more polishing it. Even now, as you look at it, you get the urge to wipe off a few molecules of dust from its surface with your sleeve, but you resist, as you would get your shirt dirty. There is a drawer on the front of the desk which is open.
  
  > look in the drawer
  The desk drawer is open. There's nothing in the desk drawer.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  > examine the dresser
  This is a dresser made of fine mahogany wood. The surface is dust-free and so shiny you could comb your hair by your reflection in the wood. The drawers are closed.
  
  > open the dresser
  Opened.
  
  From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Y.M.C.A." along with the radio, and doing it badly.
  
  > look in it
  There's nothing in the mahogany dresser.
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.
  
  > examine the mirror
  You polish this mirror twice a day. If it doesn't look good, you don't look good.
  
  > examine the bed
  This is your bed, which you are very proud of. You spend at least half an hour every day making it, smoothing out the folds, ensuring that the sheets are perfectly balanced and symmetrical on both sides. On the bed you see nothing at all.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  > look under the bed
  There's nothing under your bed, not even those slavering, gnawing, hungry monsters you used to hear at night...You recoil from the bed, sweating profusely.
  
  > Go north
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see two snack food bags here.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
  
  > look under the bed
  You take a quick peek under John's bed. Other than dust and other assorted debris, you don't see anything, particularly anything he "borrowed" from you in recent months. Drat.
  
  > look at the clothes
  Various articles of clothing and underwear are scattered around the room. It's hard to move around without stepping on one.
  
  > examine the desk
  The decrepit state of John's desk bespeaks both a ripe old age as well as years of misuse; its surface bears many jagged scars and scorch marks. Otherwise, the desk looks surprising clean (for a possession of John's), mainly because most of the junk that normally occupies its surface has been swept onto the floor or into the closet. There is a single drawer on the desk, which is closed. On the desk you see some broken plastic models; besides that, you see nothing at all.
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Parchesi.
  
  > Search clothes
  You find nothing of interest.
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.
  
  > open the drawer
  Opening the desk drawer reveals a coupon book.
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for poker.
  
  > get the coupon
  Which coupon do you mean, the Captain Barnacle's Seafood House coupon, the Nekohanten coupon, or the Chez Merde coupon?
  
  > Seafood
  You've already got your hands full.
  
  > Drop box
  Dropped.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  > get the seafood
  Taken.
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  > examine it
  This coupon entitles the bearer to two All-You-Can-Eat Crustacean Platters for the price of one. The coupon enthusiastically describes this dish as "More Shrimp Than You DESERVE!"
  
  The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
  
  > examine merde
  By presenting this coupon to the matre'd at any Chez Merde, you can get two Super Escargot, Fantastic Frog Legs (with French fries, no less), or Spectacular Souffle plates for the price of one. (10% off more if you don't try to order using your high-school French.)
  
  > examine the Nekohanten
  This coupon, for the local Chinese restaurant Nekohanten, reduces the prices on any dish in the "B" category to 55 cents each. The coupon also promises "Half the MSG of our nearest competitor!"
  
  You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for mah jongg.
  
  > go to the south
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see two snack food bags here.
  
  From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "American Pie" along with the radio, and doing it badly.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
  
  > go to the west
  This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
  it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
  The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
  the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, four crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
  piece of cellophane here.
  John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
  desperately to read his psychology textbook.
  Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
  Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.
  
  John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.
  
  "C'mon, John," urges Alice, "take a break, have some fun with us! You can always take more tests next semester!"
  
  Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
  
  > give the seafood to Alice
  "Why thanks," says Alice, grinning. "I was just thinking of dinner at this place. Looks like I can afford it now." She gets up, and Carl follows suit. You heart leaps at the thought that she's going to be clearing out of here...
  
  "Ah, but it's *so* cold outside tonight," says Alice, seating herself on the floor again. "Positively freezing. And look at how I'm dressed!" You don't have much of an opinion of Alice's tastes in clothes, but admittedly, she does look a bit chilly. "We can't well go out and get pneumonia, can we? You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you...?"
  
  Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering something about losing an electronic game on his desk.
  
  Alice takes out a bag of potato chips, empties the contents into her hands, and chucks the empty bag into the hallway.
  
  Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of blackjack with Carl.
  
  > give the towel to Alice
  "Very funny," smiles Alice as she takes the towel. "It *is* something warm for the night, though." She looks thoughtful, as if searching for one last excuse to keep herself in your apartment. "You *know*, we're all ready to leave, but we don't have any way of getting to dinner or the concert! Now if only you could find any way for us to depart this place..." She grins again.
  
  John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.
  
  > examine Alice
  Alice, one of John's friends, is a relentless partygoer. She likes listening to loud, ear-splitting music, playing card and dice games, watching television shows based on video games, drinking stirred and not shaken martinis, and annoying people like you. You know all this because of the many times she's visited your apartment along with twenty or thirty of her "friends." Luckily for you her entourage seems a bit thin tonight.
  
  "Reaction formation, projection, rationalization, sublimation!" John recites desperately.
  
  Alice looks despondent. "I really appreciate the coupon and the towel, but it looks like we're just going to be stuck here all night, since we don't have any way of getting to the Polonium. I guess we're going to be your guests all night, eh?" She smiles wickedly.
  
  > give the skateboard to Alice
  Alice starts laughing as she takes the skateboard from your hands. "Got me again, huh? I guess this technically *is* transportation." She gathers up her more valuable possessions, including Carl, and theatrically wraps the pink towel around herself. "Carl!" she says, presenting the skateboard to him. "You know how to ride one of these?" Carl looks quizzically at the board, then puts it down and mounts it. He then lifts Alice onto his back (not without considerable effort). You open the door for the two as they glide out of the apartment.
  
  "Be seeing ya," says Alice as they depart.
  
  "Don't count on it," you say, closing the door.
  
  "Projection, repression, rationalization, sublimation!" John recites desperately.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the kitchen.
  
  > go to the west
  When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
  mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items. A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.
  You see three piece of cellophanes and a remote control here.
  
  Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > examine the sink
  This, as you probably surmised, is the kitchen sink. At the moment it is fairly filthy, thanks to John's recent diligent efforts at *not* scrubbing it. Under the sink is a cabinet in which the kitchen plumbing can be accessed. In the kitchen sink there are broken dishes; other than that, you see nothing at all.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > look under the sink
  Under the sink you see a cabinet.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > open the cabinet
  Opening the cabinet reveals the pipes which comprise the kitchen plumbing. Besides that, you see nothing at all in it.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > look at the plumbing
  This is a series of curved piping which connects the apartment to the local sewage system. The pipes look like they're leaking.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > fix the pipes
  (with the wrench)
  You tighten the pipes with your wrench, stopping the leak. However, as the last echoes of the dripping water fade in the kitchen, you hear the sound of dropping water in the bathroom...
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
  
  > Go east
  This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
  it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
  The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
  the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see four crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a piece of cellophane here.
  John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
  desperately to read his psychology textbook.
  
  John grits his teeth and grinds a pencil down to a stub.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
  
  Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
  
  > Go east
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see three snack food bags here.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
  
  > go east
  The bathroom, fortunately, is one of the rooms you've agreed to maintain, and as a result it isn't too filthy. Against the north wall is a gleaming sink and a mirror mounted above it; next to the mirror is a medicine cabinet. On the south wall is a towel rack. A toilet and shower, both scrubbed to exquisite perfection with lye-based cleansers, complete this traditional bathroom. The only exit to this bathroom is through a door to the west, which is open.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  Evan follows you into the bathroom, still playing the game.
  
  > open the cabinet
  Which cabinet do you mean, the bathroom sink cabinet, or the medicine cabinet?
  
  > Sink
  The bathroom sink cabinet is already open!
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > look at the pipes
  Which pipes do you mean, the ceiling pipes, or the bathroom sink pipes?
  
  > Sink
  This is a series of curved piping which connects the apartment to the local sanitation system. The pipes look like they're leaking.
  
  Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > fix the sink pipes
  (with the wrench)
  You tighten the pipes with your wrench, stopping the leak. You stop the dripping water in the pipes under the sink. Breathing a sigh of relief, you wipe sweat off your forehead... Wait a minute. That wasn't too taxing. Why are you sweating? Looking overhead, you notice a new leak has sprung up in the overhead pipes.
  
  Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > fix the ceiling pipes
  (with the wrench)
  They're well out of your reach.
  
  Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > stand on the sink
  Climbing onto the sink is impractical as well as unsanitary in general.
  
  Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > stand on the toilet
  Your attempt to gain ground using the toilet proves futile, as the toilet, lacking a seat, provides no secure footholds upon which you can stand. The fact that you have polished the toilet to mirror-shine perfection, making what little surface there is very slippery, doesn't help. Nor does your desire not to dirty the toilet with your feet.
  
  Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
  
  > Go west
  and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
  You see three snack food bags here.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
  
  Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
  
  > go south
  This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
  since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and a closed closet door to the east.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
  
  Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
  
  > open the closet
  Opened.
  
  From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
  
  > look in the closet
  You see the interior of the closet through the open door, but you'll have to go inside to get a better look at what's there.
  
  From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
  
  > go to the east
  Dimly illuminated, this closet provides you with an impenetrable defense against outside noise. The door, which is to the west and open, is steel-reinforced and soundproof, preventing even the loudest party sounds from getting through. Though the closet is small, it is roomy enough for you and several of your favorite textbooks, and you've studied for many an exam here.
  You see a toolbox and a swivel chair here.
  
  Evan follows you into your closet, still playing the game.
  
  Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
  
  > Close closet
  Closed.
  
  > look at Bob
  Bob, alleged star athlete on the school's basket weaving team (Australian rules), is rather crude, rude, perpetually inebriated, and more than a bit ditzy. Unfortunately, that's his good side. He's looking a little better than usual today, though, having recently pulled through a savage bout with scurvy, but fortunately (from Bob's point of view), you don't need teeth to drink beer. At the moment he's thoroughly passed out.
  
  > open the closet
  Opened.
  
  Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
  
  > take Bob
  He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.
  
  Bob, squirming on your shoulder, tugs at your shirt and mumbles something about "stoopid umpirezz."
  
  > drop Bob
  Dropped.
  
  > Close closet
  Closed.
  
  In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.