text: [Themes: Humor, spaceship, carnival, mad scientist, gender choice, silly, female protagonist, magic, spells]
  
  > Look around
  The stone walls on either side of you reach high into the darkening sky--the smell of fresh air is exhilarating after your travails within the depths of the castle. This short hallway was once covered in lush red carpet, but its exposure to the elements and its proximity to a trigger-happy warlock have scorched and rotted it, exposing the cobblestones beneath. Black mold grows on the few patches of carpeting that remain. West is the large oaken door you so recently fled through; east you can see into the the lighted study of the dread warlock Do'papoc.
  
  > examine the mold
  The black mold is in an advanced state of growth.
  
  > examine the carpet
  The surviving bits of the red carpet are covered in mold.
  
  > look at cobblestones
  The exposed cobblestones are smooth and worn by the passage of time.
  
  > Smell
  Fresh air with a hint of ozone. Damp mold and rotting wood, the kind of smell found under logs.
  
  > go east
  The sumptuously decorated study of Do'papoc is decorated in bookshelves, full of tomes radiating power. A large, bone-white candle drips wax onto an oaken table, shedding light on a large, ancient spellbook and a terribly inaccurate globe.
  
  An aged man dressed in black robes sits at the table. Looking up from his book, he chuckles, shaking his head.
  
  "You poor, miserable fool!", he says. "If only you had found the obnoxious parrot, preparing beforehand with the funyun, bismol, and formic spells... then you may have stood a chance against me! But now, the might of the brussel spell will turn you into 7,904 individually wrapped jawbreakers!"
  
  Before you can react, the warlock casts a spell at you! It tingles a bit, but its most noticeable effect is its complete and utter failure at turning you into so many as ten individually wrapped jawbreakers.
  
  Do'papoc looks extremely embarrassed and hastily consults the online documentation for the brussel spell. "Blast!", he spouts, tearing at his beard. "The brussel spell is for ages 12 and up! Local Sorcerers 503 was clever to send a mere child to do battle with me!" Reaching for his spellbook, the warlock becomes calmer and more pensive. "No matter," he muses with a snarl. "I'll simply make use of 'brussel junior', the brussel spell for the younger set!"
  
  Do'papoc turns to his book and begins furiously memorizing a spell! You've only got one shot at this--whatever you do, it'd better be good!
  
  > learn the formic
  Using your best study habits, you commit the formic spell to memory.
  
  > Spells
  You have the formic spell, funyun spell and bismol spell memorized.
  
  > Spellbook
  This slight, spiral-bound tome has "Isqui's Spellbook" written on the blue cover. It contains seven spells, laboriously copied from your school textbook. Unfortunately, your school textbook, "Harry Potter and the 2000 Middle School Magical Education Standards", tends to focus less on the "cause mighty warlock to tremble in fear" type spells and more on the "subject target to sharp kick in pants" type spells. In fact, "subject target to sharp kick in pants" is probably your best spell, apart from "open even locked or enchanted objects", which you can't even memorize anymore, since you got strawberry jam all over the runes.
  
  Your spellbook contains the following spells:
  funyun spell: cause spell caster to memorize wrong spell.
  geordi spell: bring simulacrum of animal to life.
  foobar spell: make the inedible edible.
  rekn0g spell: Bj*e,ev%n.l/((-%d o(fen.na5t*d o2*l70.
  bismol spell: subject target to sharp kick in pants.
  formic spell: summon being's mother.
  eldspa spell: sharpen pencil.
  
  > learn the geordi
  Using your best study habits, you commit the geordi spell to memory.
  
  > learn the rekn0the g.
  Using your best study habits, you commit the rekn0g spell to memory. You have so much buzzing around in your head, though, that it's likely something may have been forgotten in the shuffle.
  
  > learn the bismol
  Using your best study habits, you commit the bismol spell to memory once again. You have so much buzzing around in your head, though, that it's likely something may have been forgotten in the shuffle.
  
  > Spells
  You have the bismol spell (twice), formic spell and funyun spell memorized.
  
  > learn the eldspa
  Using your best study habits, you commit the eldspa spell to memory. You have so much buzzing around in your head, though, that it's likely something may have been forgotten in the shuffle.
  
  > Spells
  You have the eldspa spell, bismol spell, formic spell and funyun spell memorized.
  
  > learn the geordi
  Using your best study habits, you commit the geordi spell to memory. You have so much buzzing around in your head, though, that it's likely something may have been forgotten in the shuffle.
  
  > Geordi parrot
  The parrot suddenly comes alive in your hands! Squawking and swearing in the gravelly tongue of the parrots, it wrests free from your grasp and perches on your head.
  
  > examine the parrot
  While a humble simulacrum, the parrot was a genteel if unwieldy companion. Your gift of life seems wasted on it, as the animate parrot is smelly, raucous, prone to shed feathers, and fond of perching on your head.
  
  > Spells
  You have the bismol spell, formic spell and funyun spell memorized.
  
  > Formic parrot
  You're the closest thing the parrot has to a mother, and you're already here.
  
  > examine spellbook
  This slight, spiral-bound tome has "Isqui's Spellbook" written on the blue cover. It contains seven spells, laboriously copied from your school textbook. Unfortunately, your school textbook, "Harry Potter and the 2000 Middle School Magical Education Standards", tends to focus less on the "cause mighty warlock to tremble in fear" type spells and more on the "subject target to sharp kick in pants" type spells. In fact, "subject target to sharp kick in pants" is probably your best spell, apart from "open even locked or enchanted objects", which you can't even memorize anymore, since you got strawberry jam all over the runes.
  
  Your spellbook contains the following spells:
  funyun spell: cause spell caster to memorize wrong spell.
  geordi spell: bring simulacrum of animal to life.
  foobar spell: make the inedible edible.
  rekn0g spell: Bj*e,ev%n.l/((-%d o(fen.na5t*d o2*l70.
  bismol spell: subject target to sharp kick in pants.
  formic spell: summon being's mother.
  eldspa spell: sharpen pencil.
  
  > learn the awkgrep
  Using your best study habits, you commit the awkgrep spell to memory. The parrot squawks woodenly.
  
  > Awkgrep
  There is a puff of smoke, and Tim the demon appears next to your shoulder. Noticing the parrot on your head, Tim buzzes frantically and vanishes back into his native plane.
  With a final screech, the obnoxious parrot reverts to its inanimate form and plummets lifeless to the ground.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes.
  With a final screech, the obnoxious parrot reverts to its inanimate form and plummets lifeless to the ground.
  
  > Awkgrep
  In a puff of smoke, Tim the demon appears next to your shoulder. "Tim!", he says, indicating himself. He shows no sign of recognizing you from previous summons, but begins buzzing around your head, awaiting your instructions.
  
  > Hi
  Bzzzz!
  
  > Kiss tim
  Kissing a demon is a federal offense.
  
  > eat tim
  (first taking Tim the demon)
  Tim buzzes out of your reach.
  
  Tim whistles a demonic tune.
  
  > ask Tim about the rekn0g
  There is no reply.
  
  Tim buzzes urgently.
  
  > make you a the sandwich
  Bzzzz!
  
  There is a pop, and Tim is gone from this plane.
  
  > learn the geordi
  Using your best study habits, you commit the geordi spell to memory.
  
  > Geordi parrot
  The parrot suddenly comes alive! Squawking and swearing in the gravelly tongue of the parrots, it flaps into the air and perches on your head.
  
  > Funyun do'papoc
  Do'papoc seems confused momentarily, and shakes his head as if to clear his eyes, then goes back to his book and finishes the preparations for his spell.
  
  Do'papoc points at you and utters a word of power: "bokbar!"
  
  Unsurprisingly, nothing happens. The bokbar spell is "turn human into parrot", and since there is already a parrot in the vicinity, the enchantment has no effect. (Wow, I guess those arbitrary, inconvenient limitations on spells cut both ways!)
  
  Do'papoc is not pleased, and, shamelessly disregarding the rules of turn-based magical combat, casts another spell at you. Suddenly, a sheepish-looking goblin carrying a dagger appears and cowers in the corner. "Kill!", demands the warlock, pointing at you, and the whimpering goblin begins a valiant attempt to approach you menacingly without ever reducing the distance between you and him.
  
  > Bismol goblin
  The goblin squeals and leaps into the air, clutching his posterior. Waving his knife, he flees through a side passageway into the depths of the keep.
  "Bah!", expectorates the warlock. "Enough of this! I will destroy you and your pathetic but exceedingly well-chosen spells with one mighty blow!"
  
  Reaching into his pocket, Do'papoc tosses a handful of magical dust into the air, speaking a summons of great power -- "borax!"
  
  The dust explodes, filling the air with smoke, and from the billowing black clouds emerges a bronzed warrior, clad in equally bronze mail and carrying a decidedly steely bast--er, broadsword. He looks at you with a smirk, and, nodding his head in acknowledgement of an unheard order, begins to stride purposefully towards you.
  
  > Spells
  You have the bismol spell and funyun spell memorized.
  
  > learn the formic
  Using your best study habits, you commit the formic spell to memory.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a Canadian quarter
  a spelling book
  a plush frog
  your identity bracelet (being worn)
  
  > look at the canadian
  A newly minted millennial Canadian quarter. You're not sure how you ended up with it.
  
  > examine the spelling
  A sixth-grade spelling book, with lists of words and definitions. Words that are spelled oddly--one or two per lesson--are for some reason given the name of 'snurks'. You're not really sure how you ended up with the book.
  
  > Spells
  Huh?
  
  Lalrry makes a long-winded, heartfelt speech which you can't understand at all.
  
  > give quarter to Lalrry
  "I don't understand what you're trying to do," says Lalrry, rejecting your offer.
  
  "Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!"
  
  > Guess disembark
  "Sorry," says Lalrry, "but I need a shiny from before can GUESS THE!"
  
  Lalrry briefly pulls you aside. "The crowned of have guessed at my," he says confidentially. "The Queen was quite on, although the of would hear of but, rather, should say." You nod in what you hope looks like agreement.
  
  > turn on blue
  That's already on.