text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  You leave the trailer, there ain't no way you're gonna listen to her bitch at you, but you'll be damned if you're going to get a real job! You decide to go over to your "friend" Dan's trailer. Maybe he's got some scam going on that you can get in on, make some money, and get Tina off your ass for awhile.
  You knock on the door, and Dan almost opens it immediately. He's obviously high already, he's still got white powder on his nose.
  "Oh hey Mel! What's going on? You want some toot? Want some snoot? Want some speed? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?" he rattles off while hitting you in the shoulder.
  "Shut the fuck up!" you say slapping him. "Shit Dan, you're fuckin' hopeless. Anyway, Tina's bitchin' at me to get a job an' seeing as I don't want to do any real work, I was wondering if you got anything going on, but I can see that you're in no condition to do anything."
  "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me Mel? Hell I feel like I can do fifty things right now! I was just gonna go down to Big Jim's and try to rip him off, you could come help me do that!"
  "Dan, you're gonna get your brains blown out like thatt, you better cancel that plan. Even I'm not gonna try to rip off a crazy, heavily armed, pissed off Vietnam vet."
  "Well maybe we could try a different place, but I was thinking..."
  "You were? Will wonders ever fuckin' cease? Well spit it out!"
  "Well you know ol' Sam runs his meth lab from his trailer right?"
  "I guess you'd know better than I would, bein' the junkie an' all."
  "Well he says he needs some help keeping his more excitable customers in line."
  "What the fuck kind of drug dealer is he? Shouldn't he just have shot anyone giving him problems?"
  "No, no, no! Sam's a peaceful guy, he doesn't really want any trouble, he's only in the drug game because he doesn't want a real job either, but he has a hard time dealing with the less glamorous lifestyle of the drug game."
  "There's a glamorous side? He lives in a fuckin' trailer park like the rest of us. The guy's not fuckin' Tony Montana!"
  "Well anyway, he said he needed some help with crowd control, so we could go do that."
  "Hmmm, I think what you mean is I'LL help with crowd control and YOU'LL be ripping him off while he isn't looking." You say cutting through the bullshit.
  "Well yeah, something like that."
  
  > Go work for Sam
  "Alright let's go to Sam's, I don't feel like moving too far."
  "Cool! Let's go."
  "Hold on let me get something."
  
  You go back to your trailer and grab your pistol. If you're gonna be keeping meth heads in line, you better be prepared. You and Dan then proceed over to Sam's trailer. It's a little bigger, and it's relatively isolated from the rest of the trailers. It's covered with various graffiti, most of it obscene words about various people. "Mel is a dickhead" seems to be a common theme though and you'll be sure to inform Tina that apparently she performs sex acts on donkeys. You can see junkies wandering around outside the trailer in a dazed state, when they come out, they're noticeably in a much more alert. There's smoke coming out of the open windows, if the cops ever came down to this shitty trailer park, it would be pretty obvious what the fuck's going on around here.
  
  "Heeeey...you got twenty dollars man?" some junkie asks you.
  "No! And stop fuckin' touching me!" you reply and shove him to the ground.
  "Hey handsome how about I take you 'round back and suck your dick, for ten dollars?" a female junkie asks.
  "Mel, you should take that offer man!"
  "Uh no, Dan. I don't need to catch AIDS that fuckin' badly. An' get away from me, ya fuckin' junkie whore!"
  
  After wading through the living dead you manage to knock on the door, at which point Sam opens it and smoke comes billowing out. He's wearing a gask mask of some sort.
  
  "Will you fuckers calm down? I'm only one fuckin' man, wait your fuckin' turn!" Sam says in a muffled tone.
  "(Cough) (Cough) Shit. We're not here for drugs; Dan said you needed help with crowd control."
  "Oh? What's your name? You take meth or any kind of drugs at all?"
  "Mel, and fuck no, why deal with all the fuckin' junkies, when I can just go down to the liquor store, buy beer and get wasted by myself?"
  "Ha ha! Okay you're in. Dan you are fuckin' NOT!"
  "What!?"
  "I don't fuckin' trust your ass; you'll end up stealing my shit!"
  "Sam what the hell's up with you? You used to be a laid back guy."
  "Yeah well this fuckin' business is starting to change that way of thinking. I don't like it either, but you fuckers take advantage of kindness, and I'm not getting beaten up and robbed again! No, I'm gonna start being fuckin' ruthless motherfucker just like everyone else!"
  "But...but..."
  "No fuckin' buts, you stay outside with the rest of your kind! Mel here's a mask, come on in."
  
  You put on the mask and go inside. Sam walks over to his lab table and starts talking.
  
  "Okay Mel, you ask these junkies how much they want, you take their money, give it to me, I give you the drugs and you give it to them. Now nobody has to even enter this fuckin' place and I don't have to get up every five seconds. If one of those drug addicts gets out of line you know what to do. Sound simple?"
  "Sounds simple to me."
  
  You step outside and already your first customer addresses you aggressively.
  
  "I need the stuff man! I need it! Ya gotta give me it right now!" he says grabbing your arm vigorously.
  
  > beat the hell out of him
  "Get get the fuck off of me!" you yell and proceed to pistol whip the poor sonofabitch, until he collapses in a heap on the ground. The rest of the junkies get a little scared and proceed to back away from the trailer. You make so much noise that Sam comes over to see what the hell's going on.
  
  "What the hell are you doing?! I said keep them in line, not kill them! How the hell am I supposed to make any money that way?"
  "You're selling them crystal meth and you're worried about them living?"
  "You know damn well what I meant! Fuck man, at this rate you'll scare them off and they'll go buy somewhere else. I can't have this Mel."
  "What? Weren't you the one bitching about becoming a ruthless drug dealer?"
  "Yeah, but I dunno, this seems a little excessive now..."
  "Oh fuck this, you wishy washy bastard, call me when you make up your fuckin' mind, I don't need some wannabe telling me what to fuckin' do." You say and leave.
  
  You spend the rest of the day not doing anything constructive other than attempting to get drunk off the cough syrup in the medicine cabinet. Doesn't quite have the same effect of course but considering its more than two years old, you do end up feeling quite different and on the floor asleep. When Tina comes home she makes to correct assumption that you wasted the day again drinking mind altering liquids.