text: [Themes: Science Fiction, Humor, humor, slapstick]
  
  > Look around
  Wow, this place is full of bleeping machines, bubbling potions and warnings for explosive compunds. Upon closer inspection you see that most of the stuff here is fake and just used to give the lab a proper atmosphere. The only interesting things are on a table in the center of the room. There is a passage to the north and an exit to the west.
  
  On the table are a broken empty flask, a yellow potion, a blue potion and an Agotron (empty).
  
  You can also see a washbasin here.
  
  > get the empty flask
  What use could this thing possibly have?
  
  > examine the puddle
  It's still gross.
  
  > use the pipette on the wine
  You suck up some of the wine.
  
  > look at the pipette
  You use this to suck up a small amount of a liquid. There is some brown substance in it
  
  > Go west
  You are in a hexagonal room. There are three doors here to the north (computer room), west (recreation center) and east (laboratory). There is an escalator to the south.
  
  A star-shaped symbol is drawn above the escalator.
  
  You can also see an escalator button here.
  
  This has to be room where the aliens come to relax. Calm elevator music comes from an invisible speaker. The exit is to the east.
  
  There is a blue sofa in front of a television here. Next to it is a small table.
  
  A small window gives a glance at the stars.
  
  You can also see an air duct (empty) here.
  
  > examine the pipette
  You use this to suck up a small amount of a liquid. There is some red wine in it
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  an electromagnet
  a pipette (red wine)
  a blue keycard
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > put the bag in Agotron
  You put the plastic bag into the Agotron.
  
  > Close Agotron
  You close the Agotron.
  
  > open Agotron
  You open the Agotron, revealing a plastic bag.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  an electromagnet
  a pipette (red wine)
  a blue keycard
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > examine the ketchup
  Damn! It's empty. Not that you would be able to eat it as a robot, but if you would get in a situation where you'd have to fake your own dead kethcup would make that much easier.
  
  > look at pepper
  Piper nigrum. Or just black pepper, my favorite kind of pepper.
  
  > examine the dishes
  It's a porcelain dish with traces of laxative on it.
  
  > put dishes in Agotron
  You put the dirty dish into the Agotron.
  
  > Close Agotron
  You close the Agotron.
  
  > open Agotron
  You open the Agotron, revealing a dirty dish.
  
  > get the dish
  (the dirty dish)
  Taken.
  
  > examine the dish
  It's a porcelain dish with traces of laxative on it.
  
  > check your inventory
  You are carrying:
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  an electromagnet
  a pipette (red wine)
  a blue keycard
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > look at the flashlight
  According to the label it is incompatible with regular AA batteries, but it has got a build-in nuclear reactor that can somehow extract energy from everything emitting radioactive radiation.
  
  The nuclear-powered flashlight is currently switched on.
  
  > put the pipette in Agotron
  You put the pipette (red wine) into the Agotron.
  
  > open Agotron
  You open the Agotron, revealing a pipette (red wine).
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  You are carrying:
  a pipette (red wine)
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  an electromagnet
  a blue keycard
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots (being worn)
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > examine electromagnet
  It looks like a battery-powered electromagnet. It's currently turned off.
  
  > turn it on
  Suddenly your blue keycard flies out of your pocket and is now stuck on the magnet. It seems the keycard is only thing on which the electromagnet is effective.
  
  You switch off the electromagnet and put the blue keycard in your pocket.
  
  > Go south
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  Another junction. There is a red door to the north (Office), a yellow door to the east (Maze) and a blue door to the west (3F Passage). To the south is the escalator door.
  
  There is a button next to the escalator door.
  
  > check your inventory
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  North of you is an important looking door that probably leads to an important room. A terminal is beside it. The exit is to the east.
  
  > are carrying:
  a blue keycard
  a pipette (red wine)
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  an electromagnet
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots (being worn)
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > put the Keycard in the slot
  Which do you mean, the blue keycard, the red keycard or the yellow keycard?
  
  > Blue
  You insert the blue keycard in the card slot.
  
  Now the display says "Please place your hand or tentacle on the terminal so your identity can be confirmed with a DNA check".
  
  > turn on the electromagnet
  With the magnet, you easily draw the keycard out of the card slot.
  
  You switch off the electromagnet and put the blue keycard in your pocket.
  
  > put the blue Keycard in the slot
  You insert the blue keycard in the card slot again.
  
  Now the display says "Please let the secondary officer place his tentacle upon this terminal.".
  
  > put the bag on the terminal
  You hear a bleep while the green hand is being scanned.
  
  The display says "Error, the Prime Commander has already been identified. Please place the tentacle of a second officer on the terminal".
  
  > go to the east
  Wait! You forgot your blue keycard. You go back to the terminal and after pressing some random buttons and punching it a few times you manage to reset it and get your keycard back.
  
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  Another junction. There is a red door to the north (Office), a yellow door to the east (Maze) and a blue door to the west (3F Passage). To the south is the escalator door.
  
  There is a button next to the escalator door.
  
  > Go east
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  This is a hallway continueing north. You can go back to the junction south.
  
  You can see a sign here.
  
  > go to the north
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
  
  > go west
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  North of you is an important looking door that probably leads to an important room. A terminal is beside it. The exit is to the east.
  
  > examine diary
  You never like reading your own diary. That just feels weird and ashaming.
  
  > Go south
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  You can see a keypad here.
  
  The door closes.
  
  > go west
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  This has to be room where the aliens come to relax. Calm elevator music comes from an invisible speaker. The exit is to the east.
  
  There is a blue sofa in front of a television here. Next to it is a small table.
  
  A small window gives a glance at the stars.
  
  You can also see an air duct (empty) here.
  
  > get the puddle
  No.
  
  > use the pipette on the puddle
  You suck up some of the blue potion.
  
  > examine the pipette
  You use this to suck up a small amount of a liquid. There is some red wine in it
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a blue keycard
  a pipette (red wine)
  fifty-one dirty dishes
  a plastic bag
  a green severed hand
  an electromagnet
  a pen
  a diary
  salt
  a red keycard
  a yellow keycard
  a wallet (open but empty)
  a pair of rubber boots (being worn)
  an used piece of tape
  a ketchup bottle
  pepper
  a nuclear-powered flashlight (providing light)
  a treasure chest (closed)
  a crowbar
  a wet mop
  a detergent
  a stapler
  a cork
  a remote control
  a pan
  a screwdriver
  
  > go east
  You are in a hexagonal room. There are three doors here to the north (computer room), west (recreation center) and east (laboratory). There is an escalator to the south.
  
  A star-shaped symbol is drawn above the escalator.
  
  You can also see an escalator button here.
  
  >*squeek* *squeek*
  
  Wow, this place is full of bleeping machines, bubbling potions and warnings for explosive compunds. Upon closer inspection you see that most of the stuff here is fake and just used to give the lab a proper atmosphere. The only interesting things are on a table in the center of the room. There is a passage to the north and an exit to the west.
  
  On the table are a broken empty flask, a yellow potion, a blue potion and an Agotron (empty).
  
  You can also see a washbasin here.
  
  > use the pipette on the washbasin
  You empty the pipette in the washbasin. In this spaceship you probably don't have to worry much about polluting the enviroment.
  
  > Go west
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  You are in a hexagonal room. There are three doors here to the north (computer room), west (recreation center) and east (laboratory). There is an escalator to the south.
  
  A star-shaped symbol is drawn above the escalator.
  
  You can also see an escalator button here.
  
  >*squeek* *squeek*
  
  This has to be room where the aliens come to relax. Calm elevator music comes from an invisible speaker. The exit is to the east.
  
  There is a blue sofa in front of a television here. Next to it is a small table.
  
  A small window gives a glance at the stars.
  
  You can also see an air duct (empty) here.
  
  > examine pipette
  You use this to suck up a small amount of a liquid. There is some purple substance in it
  
  > go to the southwest
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  You walk and suddenly feel a sudden sensation of pain. The reason of this might be that there is a closed door in your path and you just blindly walked against it. You should remember that, the next time you go through a door, you should open it first.
  
  > go to the east
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  You are in a hexagonal room. There are three doors here to the north (computer room), west (recreation center) and east (laboratory). There is an escalator to the south.
  
  A star-shaped symbol is drawn above the escalator.
  
  You can also see an escalator button here.
  
  > look at the door
  Which do you mean, the blue door or the important looking door?
  
  > examine terminal
  Now the display says "Please place your hand or tentacle on the terminal so your identity can be confirmed with a DNA check".
  
  > put the bag on the terminal
  You hear a bleep while the green hand is being scanned.
  
  The display says "Good day, great Prime Commander. Please let a second high ranking officer insert his blue keycard in the card slot. Our excuses for the inconvenience, but this safety regulation is required in case you go insane and do something like go to planet earth, beam yourself down there and blow up this ship".
  
  > turn on the electromagnet
  With the magnet, you easily draw the keycard out of the card slot.
  
  You switch off the electromagnet and put the blue keycard in your pocket.
  
  > put the pipette on the terminal
  You put the pipette (purple substance) on the terminal.
  
  > go to the east
  Wait! You forgot your blue keycard. You go back to the terminal and after pressing some random buttons and punching it a few times you manage to reset it and get your keycard back.
  
  *squeek* *squeek*
  
  Another junction. There is a red door to the north (Office), a yellow door to the east (Maze) and a blue door to the west (3F Passage). To the south is the escalator door.
  
  There is a button next to the escalator door.
  
  > look at tape
  Nasty, there is alien tentacle hair stuck on it.
  
  > Go west
  North of you is an important looking door that probably leads to an important room. A terminal is beside it. The exit is to the east.
  
  On the terminal is a pipette (purple substance).
  
  > turn on the electromagnet
  You insert the blue keycard in the card slot.
  
  Now the display says "Please place your hand or tentacle on the terminal so your identity can be confirmed with a DNA check".
  
  You hear a bleep while the green hand is being scanned.
  
  The display says "Good day, great Prime Commander. Please let a second high ranking officer insert his blue keycard in the card slot. Our excuses for the inconvenience, but this safety regulation is required in case you go insane and do something like go to planet earth, beam yourself down there and blow up this ship".
  
  With the magnet, you easily draw the keycard out of the card slot.
  
  You switch off the electromagnet and put the blue keycard in your pocket.
  
  > put the tape on the terminal
  You insert the blue keycard in the card slot again.
  
  Now the display says "Please let the secondary officer place his tentacle upon this terminal.".
  
  You hear a bleep while the tentacle hair on the used duct tape is being scanned.
  
  Voice: Good morning, great and almighty Prime Commander and Mr. Ghrluck Coiibuk. Please enjoy your time in the cockpit.
  
  The door opens.
  
  > go north
  Wait! You forgot your blue keycard. You go back to the terminal and after pressing some random buttons and punching it a few times you manage to reset it and get your keycard back.
  
  You are now in the ship's cockpit. There is a nice big window here with a great view on the galaxy. After admiring it for a few seconds you grow bored and look around in the cockpit. There are no chairs here but all kinds of incredibly complicated instruments. Instead of doing anything with those you simply decide to use the board computer with a seemingly simple interface.
  
  Welcome to the S.S. Blearch navigational system network HARRY v.2.0.0.7, which is not in any way connected to main computer 'Lucy'. You have been automatically logged in as mrawes0me4753 and have acces to all functions.
  
  CPU id: HARRY|Status: OK|version mumber: 2.0.0.7
  
  Please select one of the following options:
  
  1. Travel to destination
  2. Set new destination
  3. Check ship status
  4. E-mail
  5. Miscellaneous options
  6. Shut down
  
  > 4
  :\>
  E-mail
  1. Inbox (2)
  
  2. Send messages (1)
  
  3. Spam (1)
  
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 3
  :\>Message 1
  
  From: <unknown>
  To: primecommander@ssblearch.gax
  Subject: the cake is a lie
  
  1. Inbox (2)
  
  2. Send messages (1)
  
  3. Spam (1)
  
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 2
  :\>Message 1
  
  From: primecommander@ssblearch.gax
  To: subscriptions@dgriorgomagazines.gax
  Subject: Subscription cancelation
  
  Dear editorial staff,
  
  Recently, my spies infiltrating the earthly country of Luxembourg have discovered some alarming intel regarding the military strenght of an organisation that calls itself the Luxembourgian Liberation Front: they are easily capable to defeat the whole galactic allience and Great Galactic Army and eventually even take over the universe. In order to stop this huge thread, we Brukgh?rhcs have decided to destroy the universe, so Luxembourg can't conquer it.
  Before we blow up all of existance however, I would like to cancel my subscription of the magazine "Gardening on Terraformed Exoplanets", because I will no longer be able to pay for it when we're all dead.
  
  Yours sincerely,
  The Prime Commander of the Brukgh?rhcs
  
  1. Inbox (2)
  
  2. Send messages (1)
  
  3. Spam (1)
  
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 1
  :\>Message 1
  
  From: bob0222@llf.lux
  To: primecommander@ssblearch.gax
  Subject: Weapon shipments
  
  Prime Commander, the Luxembourgian Liberation Front is currently still waiting for the promised weapon shipments we were supposed to receive in exchange for a decoder that will let you watch our great national television. Some of us are even questioning your loyalty to our holy cause to take over planet Earth and give our glorious nation the power it deserves! Please respond as quickly as possible, so we will not have to declare war on your pathetic alien race.
  
  Viva la r?volution!
  
  From: noreply@dgriorgomagazines.gax
  To: primecommander@ssblearch.gax
  Subject: Re: Subscription cancelation
  
  Dear customer,
  
  Your request regarding the cacelation of your subscription of the magazine "Gardening on Terraformed Exoplanets" has been received and will be processed in two Hiyucluckian days. Please refrain from destroying the universe before then.
  
  Yours sincerely,
  
  1. Inbox (2)
  
  2. Send messages (1)
  
  3. Spam (1)
  
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 4
  :\>
  Main menu
  CPU id: HARRY|Status: OK|version mumber: 2.0.0.7
  
  Please select one of the following options:
  
  1. Travel to destination
  2. Set new destination
  3. Check ship status
  4. E-mail
  5. Miscellaneous options
  6. Shut down
  
  > 3
  :\>Now performing a full ship status check. This may take a few hours or a few miliseconds, I have no idea.
  
  Checking............
  
  Warp speed module status: OK
  
  Navigational pathfinding systems status: OK
  
  Popcorn machine status: OK
  
  Fuel level: 0%
  ERROR: please refill fuel tank.
  
  Ship hull status: ERROR
  A perforation in the ship's hull is detected in the fuel tank. Please repair this.
  
  Additional systems status: OK
  :\>I beg your pardon?
  
  > 5
  :\>
  Miscellaneous options
  1. Honk
  2. Activate windshield wipers
  3. Open/close fuel tank
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 1
  :\>The horn has been activated.
  
  You don't hear anything. This probably has something to do with the fact that there is no sound in space. What idiot thought of putting a horn on a space ship anyway?!
  
  1. Honk
  2. Activate windshield wipers
  3. Open/close fuel tank
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 2
  :\>Sensors indicate that it currently is not raining. Therefore the initiated windshield wiping alogrithm has been terminated.
  
  One of the major advantages of space: it never rains.
  
  1. Honk
  2. Activate windshield wipers
  3. Open/close fuel tank
  4. Return to main menu
  
  > 3
  :\>The fuel tank has been opened. It can be entered through the enigne room.
  
  > 2
  :\>
  Set a destination
  Please enter the name of a planet to be the next destination of the S.S. Blearch or enter 0 to exit.
  
  > Earth
  :\>New destination: Earth
  Solar system ID: 19746435x1
  Location: Milky Way galaxy
  Atmosphere: Oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide and cow farts
  Inhabited: yes
  Average life form IQ: extremely low
  Main menu
  CPU id: HARRY|Status: OK|version mumber: 2.0.0.7
  
  Please select one of the following options:
  
  1. Travel to destination
  2. Set new destination
  3. Check ship status
  4. E-mail
  5. Miscellaneous options
  6. Shut down
  
  > 1
  :\>ERROR: Can not start engines. Please perform a ship status check to find the source of the problem.
  
  > 6
  :\>Thank you for using HARRY 2.0.0.7. We wish you a good day.
  
  North of you is an important looking door that probably leads to an important room. A terminal is beside it. The exit is to the east.
  
  > go east
  Another junction. There is a red door to the north (Office), a yellow door to the east (Maze) and a blue door to the west (3F Passage). To the south is the escalator door.
  
  There is a button next to the escalator door.
  
  > go east
  This place is pretty empty.
  
  The exit is west.
  
  There is a small hole in the wall.
  
  > examine the hole
  You look in the hole and only see the vacuum of space, which is slowly sucking all air out of the fuel tank. The hole has a diameter of about two centimeters. If you only had something to fill up this hole...
  
  > put the cork in the hole
  Fixed.
  
  > Go west
  There are all kinds of pipes, gears, pumps, lights and strange machines around you. They must be powering the ship. You wouldn't expect the engine of a space ship to look like this, it's more steam- than cyberpunk. A walkway continues to the west.
  
  The escalator is to the south.
  
  There is a huge portal to the east.
  
  There is a button next to the escalator door.
  
  You can also see a cleaning cart here.
  
  > ask Lucy about fuel
  Lucy: Hmm, let's look that up in the Lucyclopedia:
  
  Cake: the most powerfull type of rocket fuel known. Velocities higher than 1.5 WS (Warp Speed) can only be reached with this. The creation of a cake is a highly sophisticated process that requires many very rare natural (and unnatural) rescources.
  
  See also: cake recipe - warp speed
  
  > ask Lucy about the cake recipe
  Lucy: Hmm, let's look that up in the Lucyclopedia:
  
  Cake recipe: there are only very few beings in existence that know about this extremely well-kept secret. These beings include the host of the tv show 'Cooking on Bgryurgti?rk' and the few people that actually watch that boring crap.
  
  See also: cake
  
  > change the channel to 2
  You change the channel to number 2.
  
  It's some kind of alien cooking show:
  
  "Hello ladies, gentleman and creatures without or with two genders. Welcome to cooking on Bgryurgti?rk, where we somehow speak English. Today we are going to bake a cake. The required ingredients for this..."
  
  You quickly rip out a page out of your diary and write down the recipe:
  
  How to make a cake:
  
  Ingredients:
  -Porcelain
  -A drop of red wine
  -Some orange tetra-x-ide
  -Some detergent
  -Iron oxide
  -A few alien hairs
  -Rubber
  -A piece of lead
  -The bone of a homo sapiens
  -Some salt and pepper
  -51 grams of laxative
  
  -Put everything in a pan and stir.
  -Microwave for 10 minutes (or 3 seconds with laser enabled super microwaves) and it's done.
  
  WARNING: Do not, under any condition, add any additional water.
  
  You wonder wheter your grandma made them this way as well.
  
  > put the flashlight in Agotron
  You put the nuclear-powered flashlight into the Agotron.
  
  > open Agotron
  You open the Agotron, revealing a nuclear-powered flashlight.
  
  > look at the flashlight
  According to the label it is incompatible with regular AA batteries, but it has got a build-in nuclear reactor that can somehow extract energy from everything emitting radioactive radiation.
  
  The nuclear-powered flashlight is currently switched on.
  
  > open flashlight
  You remove the polonium from the flashlight.
  
  > put it in Agotron
  You put Polonium-210 into the Agotron.
  
  > Close Agotron
  You close the Agotron.
  
  > open Agotron
  You open the Agotron, revealing a piece of lead.
  
  > look at the basket
  In the basket is a ham.
  
  > examine the ham
  Holy. Crap.
  
  > enter the vent
  You crawl through the air duct.
  
  This has to be the kitchen. It seems they had to cut the budget, the only kitchen equipment here is a cabinet with a microwave on it. And there is a sink with a garden hose for washing the dishes.
  
  There is a yellow door to the southwest.
  
  It smells like laxative here.
  
  There is a gooey puddle on the floor next to the sink.
  
  You can also see an air vent here.
  
  Behind you, the door closes automatically.
  
  > examine the pipette
  You use this to suck up a small amount of a liquid. There is some orange substance in it
  
  > use the pipette on the pan
  You better put the pan down somewhere first.