text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  "I dislike it here." You say loudly.
  You're at home, sitting on the couch, watching George of the Jungle 2.
  "Well, why don't you go to the mall?" Says Josephine, your... well, you really don't know what the hell she is in relation to you. Actually, you don't even know her.
  You whirl around. "Who the he... oh crap, i already swore in this game once, lets not push it ...ck are you?"
  "I am the devil." She says. Then she takes out a pen from her velvet scarf.
  "Since when do scarves have pockets?" You ask. "And why are you getting out a pen?"
  Josephine laughs. "Honestly, I have no idea." She says as she puts the pen back. Then she disappears.
  "Wait... are you telling me that's it?" You complain. "Why did you even put that part in the story if it doesn't have any relevance to the adventure?"
  Well, regardless of the devil part, you still have nothing to do.
  
  [Author's Note: You decide to go to the mall. What you do there is up to you. It also helps to be in a bad mood when you play this game, so I suggest playing this game on a Macintosh.And this is mazeman, so expect the game to be offensive, crude, and inappropriate.]
  
  > 1. Continue to watch "George of the Jungle 2" staring a guy who kind of looks like the original Brendan Fraiser.
  You keep watching George of the Jungle 2 until your sternum (the bone that holds your rib cage together) starts talking in French.
  "Hey, I'll go to the mall." You say out of nowhere.
  
  > Good Idea!
  You hop in your car (if you can't drive, then, you hop on your horse. Well, if you can't drive, then why did you play Lost Keys, another game made by me. Not Cypsid. It was made by me. March, can you please fix that? Okay, back to the story) and drive to the mall.
  You then hop out of your car (if you can't drive, then, you hop off your horse. Well, if you can't drive, then why did you play Lost Keys, another game made by me. Not Cypsid. It was made by me. March, can you please fix that? Okay, back to the story) and go in the mall.
  The mall is large. Very large. Too large for me to make an individual choice for each building.
  
  > 1. Go in to the nearest store
  You go in to the nearest store, which just happens to be "JC Penny", the store where the prices are so low, you'll buy stuff here even though they don't hire minorities.
  A woman walks up to you. "May I help you?" She asks.
  "Why would I need help? I just walked in." You gripe. "What would I need help with? There's signs everywhere that say where stuff is. I can read you know."
  "Well, I was just..." She sputters.
  You run to the "Guns 4 All" store and buy a rifle. Then you come back to JC Penny's and give the rifle to the girl. "Hey, she's got a gun!" You shout. After she gets arrested, you decide to check out the store.
  
  > 1. Check out the men's shoes
  You decide to head over to the men's shoes.
  Huh. Good choice. There's nothing here but overpriced shoes! Guess you were relying on me to throw something exciting and irrelevant onto the table.
  All of a sudden, two tall men walk in with tuxedos. They spend a minute or two looking at the shoes, then they take some brown dress shoes, go up to the register, and pay for them. Then they leave.
  You wipe your brow. It's wet from all the excitement.
  Then, Judd Nelson walks into JC Penny's. Maybe it's your imagination, but you can hear "Don't You Forget About Me" playing on the speakers.
  Judd walks up to you and says, "Could you direct me to the Male Clothing Department?"
  What do you do?
  
  > 1. Say, "Yes, you were right when you inferred that you work here, and it's over there, right under the huge sign that says "Male Clothing Department"
  You say that.
  He says, "Thanks," then walks to the Male Clothing Department.
  Well, you certainly know how to make cool events as boring as possible. Go complain to the manager about the cost of plumbing.
  
  > 1. Okay.
  You go over to the manager's desk. By the way, this is a special mall, where the managers all have desks that are easily accessible.
  "Hey, womanager." You say. You laugh at your clever joke. Then you itch your nose.
  "Yeah?" The manager says. You glance at his nametag. It says "Tim". You wonder what that could mean.
  "I'm here to complain." You state.
  The manager looks surprised. "About what?" He states.
  "You're very good at stating, by the way." You state again.
  "Likewise." He states.
  You shake your head. "Anyway, I'm complaining about something that happened previously."
  "Huh. That sounds like the writer was too lazy to make a 'complain to manager' page for every situation, so he just generalized the problem so he only had to make one page." The manager says.
  "No.... It was just... that... he wanted... to... your fat." You sputter and walk away. That's when you see your arch nemesis, Carl.
  
  > 1. Carl, you are stupid
  "Hey Carl." You say. "You're fat."
  Carl laughs and pulls his shirt cuffs up. "Wanna make something of it?" He asks.
  "No, but I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the 1970's sayings alone." You say.
  Carl punches you, but you duck just in time to be hit by a frisbee thrown by the "Annual Midget Frisbee-Throwing Contest". Perhaps the mall isn't the best place to have that.
  All of a sudden, Carl's head gets blown off.
  "Wow!" You say. "What a cheesy way to end this situation."
  "Well, that's the way things go." You hear a voice say. You whirl around, but the ground is very slippery, so you keep whirling. Luckily, you stop, facing the right direction.
  It's Kevin Costner!
  "I've had my share of tough times, as well." Kevin says. "Ever hear of 'The Postman'?"
  "No." You say.
  "Uh.. yeah. Me neither." Kevin says quickly. "Sounds dumb... whatever it is. I'm not affiliated with it at all."
  "Hmmm." You say. "You're definetly the worst celebrity addition in this game." You trap him in a small box that slowly gets smaller and smaller.
  Well, now what?
  
  > go into an electronics store
  "I'll go in an electronics store." You declare.
  You decide to go in On Cue.
  "I guess i'm 'On Cue' to go into 'On Cue'." You joke.
  An old man walks by. "You have to capitalize the 'I' in "I'm"." He says. You bury him alive.
  You decide to look at the CDs.
  Hmmm.... J.Z., Coolz Man, Deez the Guy... there's nothing here but misspelled words!
  You better complain to the manager of this store.
  
  > What if you don't want to? Oh, well, there's only one choice. You guess you have to.
  "Hey, manager of 'On Cue'!" You yell.
  A bald, fat man who looks like he hasn't eaten in weeks comes up, rubbing his long hair. "Yeah?" He says.
  "These CDs aren't.. uh..." You realize that you really don't have anything to complain about. Thinking fast, you improvise. "Uh.. FADA approved." You add. "These CDs are not FADA approved."
  "What's that?" The muscular buzz-cutted manager asks.
  "Oh, you've never heard of them?" You ask, trying to sound astonished. "The Federal Assocation Declaring Abstinence?" You sputter.
  "I'm lost." The tall, arabian female manager says.
  You run out of the store as fast as humanly possible.
  That was close.
  Too close.
  
  > Hmmmm. Now what?
  You start to walk away when the intercom turns on.
  "It is now 7:58." It says loudly. "Mall closes at 8:00."
  Man. How time flies when you're at the mall. You've had fun here. But your not done yet.
  You hurry to the mall bathrooms and write some profanity and "For a good time call" messages on the wall, then walk out.
  The intercom turns on again. "It is now 8:01. The mall closes at 8:00. GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"
  Well, it looks like your trek through the mall is done. You've learned a lot of things here, but you've also learned a thing or two about yourself.
  Your head suddenly explodes and blood gushes out of your forehead.
  Man, what a fun time you've had, you think as you fall to the now blood-stained mall floor and die.