text: Well whoever it is you got something that'll make them think about ringing the doorbell again! You take off all your clothes and grab your rusty chainsaw. You answer the door to a cute little girl scout. Due to your outlandish appearance she doesn't even have time scream before you take your rusty chainsaw and chop her head clean off causing the neck to spurt blood like a geyser. You take the vagina off your face and begin to do the "Mexican Hat Dance" around the body (that's surprisingly still standing) as the blood squirts all over you.
  
  You my friend are one sick fuck!
  
  > chop up the body and make cookies!
  Not wishing to linger too much outside without any clothing on you quickly take the girl scout's body inside and put your clothes back on. You then carry it to the kitchen and get out your cookbook of some of your favorite recipes. You swear if Mom hadn't beaten you into to becoming a doctor, you could've been a world famous cook. Life can be so unfair sometimes.
  
  You effortlessly chop up the body and begin taking some choice parts to put into your gruesome idea of cookies. You add dough, yeast and an unhealthy amount of chocolate and sugar and mix the mess together. Since you also have the idea that this can be something you and your sister can share you thoughtfully shape the "cookies" into hearts. (Awww!)
  
  While you're waiting for them to bake in the oven, you take this opportunity to work on your poem again. When of course the fucking doorbell rings again! You grab an axe and make your way to the door.
  
  "I swear if these are those fucking Mormon..." you mutter as you open the door.
  
  "Howdy Doc! Mmm mmm! You got something cooking? Sure smells good! Hey me an' Hugo got some new patient's for ya in our truck! We'll bring 'em in!"
  
  Well it's not Mormons, but it's almost as bad, it's your low life "assistants" Jed and his equally dim brother Hugo. They occasionally show up with some quality stock that they provide for either prescription drugs or money. Such distasteful characters, but sometimes it's unfortunately necessary to associate with such individuals. Of course that doesn't mean you have to like it.
  "Oh for fuck's sake Jed, bring them around the back! We don't need the world to fucking know. Christ you're a pair of fucktards." You say.
  
  You head back to the kitchen and open the back door, as Jed and Hugo bring in a young man writhing in pain due to his arms and legs being completely broken and sticking out of the flesh. They dump him on the floor while you check on your cookies. You grab one and taste it. Hm, still needs some more time.
  
  In the meantime your assistants seem to be having trouble with the other patient they brought. A young pregnant woman comes running through the kitchen not even noticing you and into your living room nearly tripping over her boyfriend, with Hugo and Jed in pursuit.
  
  "Get that bitch Hugo, get that bitch!" Jed shouts.
  "You don't stand a chance girlie! How about you just give up now, and we'll show you a good time before the Doc performs his experiments!" Hugo says as the girl swings a poker at him that she got from the fire place.
  "Woohoo! This one's a fighter! I like that!" Jed says.
  "Get away from me you inbred pieces of shit!" the girl screams.
  
  You sigh and shake your head as you watch this demented Laurel and Hardy routine from the kitchen. You grab your mallet and stealthily sneak up behind her and smash her in the head knocking her unconscious.
  
  "Shitfire Doc, you ain't no fun. Hugo here might be dumber than a pile of shit bricks and twice as smelly, but least he knows how to make them squawk first. Especially when they gots a bun in da oven!"
  
  Of all the impudence! How dare this inbred peckerwood tell you who's the MASTER at inflicting pain!
  
  > show him
  You immediately grab a machete hanging above the fireplace and chop off Jed's hand, at which point the stump spurts bright red blood all over the place!
  
  "ARRRRRGH! What the hell you do that for doc?" Jed shouts.
  "To remind you fucktards who the fuck I am! You and your brother have disturbed me and made a mess out of my house with your incompetence for the last time!" you say swinging again at Jed.
  "Hugo, get this crazy Yankee offa me!" Jed says running away.
  
  Hugo hits you over the head with a vase. It barely fazes you. You respond by back kicking him in the face, knocking out what little teeth he has and knocking him to the ground. You then take the fireplace poker and shove it into one of his eyes and pull out the bloody orb, while he's screaming on the floor begging for mercy, you do the same to the other eye!
  
  While you're doing that, Jed comes back in with a shotgun, still bleeding profusely.
  
  "I'm gonna blast yer fuckin' ass away an' then I'm gonna feed yer fuckin' corpse to the goddamn hogs!" Jed says trying to point the gun at you with only one good hand.
  
  At this point the pregnant woman is just regaining consciousness and standing up, but unaware of her surroundings. You duck behind some furniture and push her towards Jed, who fires wildly. The blast kills her instantly and splatters her unborn fetus into a bloody mess all over the room! This gives you enough time to charge Jed who's having a lot of difficulty trying to reload. You knock him to the floor, pick up the shotgun and blow off one of his legs.
  
  You then grab the dismembered leg and beat him repeatedly with it until his head is an unrecognizable heap of gory mush resembling oatmeal. Hugo's still screaming in agony clutching his hollowed out eye socket, you stop his screaming by jamming the poker through his mouth. Finally the young man who's limbs were broken was attempting to drag his way out the back door, but you drag his ass back inside, slam the door and proceed to pull at his broken bones until you rip them out completely. He doesn't even scream, he just dies, lying there as a partially boneless piece of flesh.
  
  Then you smell smoke. Shit! The cookies! You quickly pull them out giving yourself a good burn and dropping them all over the floor.
  
  "FUCK! SHIT! GODDAMMIT!" you yell.
  
  You're hot, you're sweaty, you're covered in blood, the house is a mess and there are dead bodies everywhere. And sis has just stepped in the front door.
  
  "Having fun?" she asks surveying the carnage.
  
  > try to explain
  "Baby, I had everything planned out to make this day special and...other things just kept getting in the way...um you want a cookie? I made them for you."
  "You mean those things on the floor? I'll pass. Look, I don't EVEN want to hear it right now. The only reason why I'm not pissed off as much I could be is because I see you killed those two fucktard assistants you had that I hated so much. Plus I've had a hard day and I'm too fucking tired right now. But I'm going to BED and when I come down, this shit better be fucking cleaned up and don't expect to be playing "Stranger and Catholic School Girl" with me tonight because any attempt to do so, will result in severe pain to your most valuable players."
  "Yes dear." You say, protectively putting your hand on your crotch.
  
  You spend the rest of the night cleaning up, which initially consists of you taking all the bodies into the basement and shoving them into your oversized freezer. You check on your patient, who is unconscious, but still alive. You won't get to work on her though since you still have to mop up all the blood and pick up the meat chunks still littering the floors. It really just sucks all the way around.
  
  Oh well at least you got to kill a bunch of people.