text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  "Ah fuck it, Tina I'll be a bouncer, I don't feel like having to deal with people barking fucking orders at me." You say. Tina looks relieved; she probably figured you'd end up drinking more than you served if you were bartending. (And she's probably right)
  
  "Okay honey, just stand by the door then, weed out anyone who looks like they're going to cause trouble, and if someone tries to get too grabby with one of the girls, come in like the riot squad and throw their asses out. You also collect the door fee."
  "Sounds good to me."
  "I have to get ready for my show now baby. Hey! This will be the first time you've ever seen it!"
  "What the hell are you talking about? You've strip teased for me tons of times, don't you remember our first date?"
  "Yeah, but you've never seen me at work! I'm really proud of MY dance; I bring something different than all those other skanks. This is so exciting! I feel like we're really sharing something new! I'm so happy you've decided to work here!"
  
  Tina kisses you and then runs off like a humming bird in heat. This is getting really weird; you've NEVER seen Tina like this! She hasn't bitched at you once the moment you agreed to work here! That's gotta be some kind of record. You briefly entertain the idea that your Tina was abducted by space aliens and replaced by one of their own in some attempt to create a hybrid offspring to take over earth.
  
  "Hey fuck face! You gonna let me in or what? I got fuckin' money over here that I wanna spend on some bitch! An' I don't wanna spend the night lookin' at your ugly hillbilly ass!" a young man shouts from behind the velvet rope.
  
  Well back to reality...
  
  > overcharge him
  You size up the college frat boy. Fuckin' rich bitch. Normally you'd kick his ass, but this being a real job and all, you probably shouldn't, at least not yet. That doesn't mean you can't shake him down though.
  
  "Okay college boy you wanna try to solve your sexual preference issues by looking at titties, be my guest, but its gonna cost you five hundred dollars to get in."
  "WHAT!? I'm not paying that!"
  "Well I'm afraid it's back to gay internet porn for you then."
  "Shut the fuck up! I'm not gay!"
  "You sound awfully defensive about that..."
  "Fuck you! Look the entrance fee is fifty bucks! I know that because I've been here before!"
  "Well some things have changed 'round here. Inflation. You know, shit happens. So what's it gonna be, you wanna see some titties or you gonna go jerk off to Thick Sticks magazine?"
  "Arrgh! Here! Fine! I don't give a shit! I have more money than you'll ever see in your entire trailer park existence! Take it! Take it!" the frat boy says throwing the money at you. "And I'm not fucking gay!" he screams and enters the main strip room.
  
  Actually that was more fun than kicking his ass! You pocket the $450 feeling quite pleased with yourself. Of course you can't do that with anyone else since most of them are locals and barely have enough money to shove in the strippers. Later you notice that its time for your girlfriend to start dancing, you also notice college boy has been getting louder and drunker as the night has been going on.
  
  "WOHOO! Yeah! Fuckin' take it off baby!"
  
  Not much different from everyone else, but he bears watching. As Tina collects the money shoved at her, college boy gets a little grabby to the point he won't let her go...
  
  "Come on bitch! Gimme a fuckin' lap dance you fuckin' hillbilly whore!"
  
  Well that would be your cue...
  
  > kick his ass
  Goddamn right kick his ass! Like there was any other fucking choice?
  
  You immediately wade through the crowd of horny bastards and punch the date rapist in training in the back of his head; he immediately lets her go and falls to the ground.
  "Mel!" Tina shouts as the crowd backs off.
  You kick him a couple of times in the stomach, as he gasps for air, you pick him up like a rag doll and slam his head into the table, causing a gash that bleeds profusely. You then proceed to beat his face in. He seems to be trying to say something like "Stop." Or "please" but its coming out garbled due to the blood and teeth floating around in his mouth. Doesn't matter since you aren't listening anyway.
  
  "MEL! Stop you're going to kill him!" Tina screams and tries to pull you away.
  
  Erm...too late.
  
  Ordinarily beating a man to death in front of several witnesses in a public place would result in severe legal trouble, but things work a little different in small towns...
  First thing you do is threaten every guy there that saw what happened that they better not say shit. Most of them are either too afraid of you or don't care at all. College boy wasn't even a local. He was one of those rich city folk that acted like an arrogant fuck, talking down to everyone. He isn't very sympathetic. Hell it's amazing he didn't get killed sooner. The strippers didn't care for him either so no problems there. The only one who you are concerned about is the DJ since he's not exactly a good 'ol boy. However, it seems he's been zonked out on XTC the whole time this happened, so he isn't even aware he's even on earth, let alone what's happened.
  
  Well it's still YOUR mess, so the clean up is still your problem, but a trip to the nearby woods and a shovel takes care of that. You don't get home until the morning where Tina's been worrying about you. You tell her to relax and fall asleep on the bed
  
  And the whole event passes without incident. You don't work at the strip club anymore though. (The owner felt you're too "volatile") There's some others college boys that come looking for there friend, but the sheriff doesn't put too much time into looking for some damn rich kid. They all oughta stay outta the town anyway. Don't need those types around causing trouble.
  
  And life continues as normal for you. (Though Tina's a little more enamored with you now by the fact you killed a man for her)
  
  Isn't life in a small town wonderful?