text: [Themes: Surreal, absurd, combat, rpg, surreal]
  
  It was a mistake to go outside again, you know that now. But it was a celebration, and you really wanted a nice pie. You were right outside the bakery when you realized they had found you; and you caught them staring with their wide, unblinking eyes; and the whole walk home, they were always there, swimming up alongside, darting ahead, looking behind. Finally you couldn't stand it any more and ducked into this alley, where whatever happens next, at least there won't be any witnesses to shake their heads and frown and pretend to be shocked, like the last time. No, this time, those fishy bastards are finally going to get what's coming to them.
  
  [LINK]
  
  Sure enough, here comes that cocky trout that's been following you since you crossed Fifth Avenue.
  
  [Author's Note: This time, those fishy bastards are finally going to get what's coming to them.]
  
  > look
  The trout eyes you with contempt.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 5     Rainbow Trout: 10 ]
  
  > slap that the fish
  The red stripe on the trout's side flushes to a deep crimson from the forceful blow of your open palm.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Rainbow Trout: 8 ]
  
  > slap that the fish
  You land a satisfyingly crisp slap, like a fly swatter hitting glass.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
  
  > slap that the fish
  You are too tired to give the rainbow trout another slap just yet.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
  
  > kick that the fish
  You don't have the stamina to boot that rainbow trout right now, you need to rest.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
  
  > rest
  I don't know the word "duck".
  
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
  
  > slap that the fish
  Whap! The trout is beginning to realize you aren't just some easily evaded fly fisherman, here.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
  
  > slap that the fish
  Whap! The trout is beginning to realize you aren't just some easily evaded fly fisherman, here.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
  
  > slap that fish
  That fish is filleted, with a side of chips.
  
  You have Defeated the rainbow trout in 14 turns and 5 attacks, for a score of 10 out of a possible 20 points.
  
  Good Job! If you want to improve your score, consider that it is based on how quickly you defeat your opponent, as well as how efficiently.
  
  Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  There are more fish coming, you can sense it.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  Here comes a nosy largemouth bass, to see what the trouble is, its mouth gaping open in a look of slack-jawed stupidity that makes your blood boil.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 13 ]
  
  > Bitchslap bass
  You slap that bass, and scream in pain. You quickly draw back your hand, only to find a fish hook stuck in your palm! Probably it was stuck in the bass' mouth since the last catch and release. The hook tears the side of the bass' mouth when it comes out. The bass makes a rude gesture at you with its tail.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > Maul bass
  You have a hook sticking out of your palm.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  I don't know the word "maul".
  
  > take the hook
  You carefully pull the hook out of your hand, wincing in pain, and throw it away.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > kick the bass
  You don't have the stamina to boot that largemouth bass right now, you need to rest.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > kick the bass
  The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > Go upward
  No way you're running from no damn fish. It ends here, one way or another.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > Poke bass
  Poking the largemouth bass doesn't seem to have any effect.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > kill the bass
  That's the general idea. But how? Punch? Kick? Or then there is the primally satisfying Slap, and its counterpart, the Backhand. Decisions, decisions.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 4     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
  
  > Backhand bass
  Something sharp pierces your flesh when you try to backhand the moronic bass. You draw back your hand, wincing in pain, and there, between two of your knuckles, is an old, barbed fish hook. The bass hums a little Bobby McFerrin in pleasure, despite the cut made by the hook on its way out.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > Smack bass
  You are too tired to give the largemouth bass another slap just yet.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > wait
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > kick the bass
  You don't have the stamina to boot that largemouth bass right now, you need to rest.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > remove the hook
  You carefully pull the hook out of your hand, wincing in pain, and throw it away.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > wait
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
  
  > Slap bass
  Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
  
  > Wait
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
  
  > Wait
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
  
  > examine the bass
  The bass is looking frantically around for some grass, or brush or something to hide in.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
  
  > kick the bass
  The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
  
  > Smack bass
  Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > Wait
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > ask the bass about the bass
  Surely, you can't think the largemouth bass knows anything about it!
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > hug the bass
  Erm, that's a different game, I think.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 4     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > Bite bass
  I don't know the word "bite".
  
  I don't know the word "bite".
  
  > take the bass
  The largemouth bass evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 5     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > Xyzzy
  You invoke the magic word of prayer your grandfather once taught you. But nothing happens. Some secrets are not passed down from generation to generation, but are simply lost.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 5     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
  
  > Punch bass
  Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 1 ]
  
  > Punch bass
  You send the Bass to Bass Hell, where it will be stuffed, nailed to a board, and forced to sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" for all eternity.
  
  You have Defeated the largemouth bass in 34 turns and 5 attacks, for a score of 8 out of a possible 20 points.
  
  You've sent a message: No matter how long it takes, no matter how much flailing around you do, you will stand your ground and fight to the end.
  
  Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1 ]
  
  I don't see any bass here.
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  There are more fish coming, you can sense it.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  It had to happen. Here comes the clownfish, arriving as if it thinks it is the comic relief for the freakshow of your life. The audience can laugh, it suggests, because now the star has arrived.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Clownfish: 10 ]
  
  > examine the clownfish
  The bright orange sides of the clownfish are ostentatious, like a tranny dressed like a showgirl.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 4     Clownfish: 10 ]
  
  > kick the clownfish
  The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 3     Clownfish: 10 ]
  
  > punch it
  Smack! Looks like this clownfish is finally getting a red nose.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Clownfish: 8 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Clownfish: 8 ]
  
  > punch it
  Whap! The clowfish does a pratfall.
  
  [ Your Stamina: 0     Clownfish: 6 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 1     Clownfish: 6 ]
  
  > rest
  You rest for a moment to regain your strength...
  
  [ Your Stamina: 2     Clownfish: 6 ]