text: [Themes: Crime, Humor, gender-neutral protagonist, money, slice of life, animals, ice cream, male protagonist, humor]
  
  > Look around
  This is such a nice car. It's so clean. So depressing.
  
  > go outside
  The single streetlight shared by the two parking lots casts most of its light on the La Pizza side, so while you can barely see your own feet, your car back on the west side is cast in a harsh orange glow. Paco's is on the other side of the alley east of here.
  
  This side of the lot has its own informative sign.
  
  That silver Honda is still parked here.
  
  That guy's wallet is still lying on the pavement here.
  
  You can also see a ram mask here.
  
  > get all
  long, bent coat hanger: Taken.
  ram mask: Taken.
  silver Honda: Your pockets aren't big enough.
  wallet: It's empty. Floppy.
  
  keychain: Taken.
  bag of M&M's: umbrella: Taken.
  note about parking: Taken.
  cloak: Taken.
  golden dagger: Taken.
  fancy letter: Taken.
  
  > look at the mask
  Goats are incredibly creepy, but a lot of their creepiness is due to their rectangular pupils, so it's a good thing this mask has eye-holes instead. It also has curly horns that bend back, apparently to fit underneath the hood of a cloak.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a fancy letter
  a golden dagger
  a cloak
  a note about parking
  an umbrella
  an empty M&M's bag
  your keychain
  some guy's wallet
  a ram mask
  a long, bent coat hanger
  a duffel bag (open but empty)
  a pair of sunglasses (being worn)
  $8.27, mostly in change
  a gun
  
  > remove the glasses
  You take off the pair of sunglasses.
  
  > wear the mask
  You put on the ram mask.
  
  > wear the glasses
  The mask is too big to wear sunglasses on top of it.
  
  > wear the cloak
  You put on the cloak.
  
  > Go east
  The bricks in this alley are so old that at the middle of the road they have sunk a full foot below the level of their neighbors closer to the building walls. Walking across this uneven half-pipe of bricks is an unnerving and probably dangerous experience.
  
  The alley continues north, past a staple-encrusted utility pole, until the beams of the streetlamps don't quite reach; west is the parking lot and east is Paco's Taco's.
  
  > go east
  Here's the entrance to Paco's Tacos, everyone's favorite place for a bite as long as everything else is closed. The stretch of sidewalk here is covered by a striped awning for the masses to huddle under while waiting for a table at peak hours. The door to the north is framed by neon signs behind plate glass windows. Further east is Get Your Licks.
  I beg your pardon?
  
  > Go north
  The cash register sits here on a long counter, accompanied by a great big tip jar and guarded by a bored-looking cashier. The menu is printed on a big chalkboard near the ceiling.
  
  Around the counter and to the north is a long hallway. That must be where the big guy came from.
  
  A blonde cop and a mustachioed cop are enjoying their tacos in a booth near the counter.
  
  > talk to the cop
  (the blonde cop)
  You try to greet the officers, but they greet you first: "Hey, could you take off the mask, pal? You're looking kind of suspicious. Kind of arrestable."
  
  > remove the mask
  You take off the ram mask.
  
  > talk to the cop
  (the blonde cop)
  The two officers look up from their respective tacos as you approach.
  
  [1] "Good evening, officers!"
  [2] "Shouldn't you two be out cleaning up the streets?"
  [3] "I should probably get going."
  [4] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 4
  It seems to take an awful long time to get your gun out of your pocket, but once you succeed, a number of things happen in quick succession. All of a sudden you're lying on your side on the floor, and people are yelling at you, and then you're in the back seat of a car, and then you're somewhere else and some other people are yelling, and&
  
  The moral of this particular story is: aggravated assault upon a law enforcement officer is a felony offense, carrying a minimum sentence of three years.
  
  > 1
  "Good evening, officers!" is what you try to say, but it comes out as "Good evening, ollifis--" and then you seem to somehow choke on your own tongue. The cop with the mustache is able to stifle his laughter, but his partner audibly snorts into her drink.
  
  "Good evening yourself, citizen!" answers the mustachioed cop, as his partner wipes off her face. "This here is Officer Rae, and I am Officer Bob, at your service."
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "Do you guys know Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "I should probably get going."
  [5] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 3
  "I have a crime to report!"
  
  "Oh man!" Blonde Cop smiles. "Really? Lay it on me. Lay it on us."
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "Do you guys know Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "There's some graffiti painted on the utility pole in the alley." [5] "I think there's a car parked illegally outside."
  [6] "I should probably get going."
  [7] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 5
  "I think there's a car parked illegally outside."
  
  "What, seriously?" Officer Rae asks, as if the sin of illegal parking could possibly be interpreted as a joke.
  
  "What do you want us to do about it? We're not the towing company. We enforce the law, not people's made-up parking rules."
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "Do you guys know Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "There's some graffiti painted on the utility pole in the alley." [5] "I should probably get going."
  [6] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 4
  "There's some graffiti painted on the utility pole in the alley."
  
  "No kidding! Graffiti, huh? Wow. Crazy. Tell you what," Mr. Mustache says, as if addressing an eight-year-old, "Why don't you go get some hot, soapy water and wash that right off? Your good deed for the day."
  
  "Taking care of that kind of stuff is the prerogative of the property owner," his partner adds, more helpfully.
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "Do you guys know Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "I should probably get going."
  [5] Point your gun at them.
  
  > talk to the cop
  (Officer Rae)
  The two officers look up from their respective tacos as you approach.
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "Do you guys know Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "I should probably get going."
  [5] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 2
  "Do you guys know Paco?"
  
  After a couple seconds of blank stares, the officers seem to come to the same realization simultaneously, and in near-unison they cry: "Oh! Yeah! Paco!"
  
  Officer Rae rolls her eyes. "Of course we know Paco."
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "What kind of guy is Paco?"
  [3] "I have a crime to report!"
  [4] "I should probably get going."
  [5] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 2
  "What kind of guy is Paco?"
  
  "He's a beacon of integrity in this community," offers Officer Rae.
  
  "We should know; we're his best customers," adds Officer Bob.
  
  "Yeah, we're such good customers, we should be eating for free."
  
  Officer Bob gapes at Officer Rae. "Are you saying you've been paying money for these?"
  
  [1] "Stopped any good crimes lately?"
  [2] "I have a crime to report!"
  [3] "I should probably get going."
  [4] Point your gun at them.
  
  > 3
  "I should probably get going," you mumble, turning away.
  
  As you leave, you can hear one of the cops calling "Smell ya later! I mean, remain vigilant, citizen!"