text: [Themes: Fantasy, male protagonist, maze, fantasy, silly]
  
  > look at your surroundings
  shore. The waves lap gently on the beach. All manner of marine life thrive in the pools the craggy rocks create.
  Return to the pond by walking southwest back into the forest.
  
  > Go southwest
  The pond is unremarkable here, but you see a break in the trees to
  the northeast. Travel around the pond to the southwest or the northwest.
  
  > go southwest
  You have come upon a pond nestled in a forest clearing. The air is still. The water makes no sound. The trees lining the pond are particularly large, their massive roots plunging into the pond at the water's edge. You can walk around the pond by going northeast or northwest.
  
  > go to the south-west
  You can't go that way. You can leave by going south, northeast, or northwest.
  
  > go south
  It's another forest locale. Explore deeper into the forest to the north or find the ocean to the south.
  
  > Go south
  Here is a small, thickly forested island. A barrier of tall rocks impede your progress around the beach to the northeast and the northwest. To the south is the ocean. Explore the forest to the north.
  
  > go to the northeast
  The rocks are too slick to negotiate successfully. You fall down the seventh time today, this time, as a novel twist, into the water. You drag yourself back onto dry land.
  
  > go south
  You wade out into the surf and catch a wave that sends you right back to the mainland.
  
  Waves crash on the beach. The surf rolls over your feet. A short distance offshore to the north you see an island. A trail back into the wilderness is to the southeast.
  
  > go to the south-east
  You are wandering in the wilderness, having only faint animal trails
  to guide you. Trails lead south and northwest. [3]
  
  > go south
  You are wandering in the wilderness, having only faint animal trails
  to guide you. Trails lead north, east, west, and southeast. [3]
  
  > Go southeast
  You are wandering in the wilderness, having only faint animal trails
  to guide you. Trails lead north, south, northeast, and northwest. [3]
  
  > go to the south
  You are wandering in the wilderness, having only faint animal trails
  to guide you. Trails lead north, south, east, west, northeast, and southwest. [3]
  
  > Up
  A tremendous palace has been built on this ledge. You may continue
  up the mountain or explore this architectural oddity just north of where you're resting.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > Up
  Finally at the top of the mountain, you can look in all directions
  and see practically the whole world. The mountain top is flat and reaches out farther than you can see. A path leads into a thicket of trees to the east.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > Go east
  You trip over your clawed feet and tumble to the ground for the eighth time today. You hear a suppressed snicker from somewhere back in the pack of chefs.
  
  > go east
  You're in a small stand of woods, following a path that branches to
  the east.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > go east
  The path is back to the west. Travel around the palace to the northeast or southeast. The palace and its barrier lie directly to the east.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > Go northeast
  Travel around the palace to the southeast or southwest. The palace
  and its barrier lie directly to the south.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > go southeast
  The head of the serpent is in sight. Travel around the palace to
  the northwest or southwest. The palace and its barrier lie directly to the west.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > Burn herbs
  Local law prohibits open burning of this powerful herb.
  
  > put the herbs in the censer
  You put a bunch of herbs into the censer.
  
  The match burns down to your fingertips. Ouch! You throw the spent thing somewhere out of sight.
  
  > Go west
  You carefully climb over the sleeping giant.
  
  The serpent is hugged tight against the walls of the palace. The
  only places to go are either back over the serpent or go inside.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  The herb in the censer has burned itself out, and the smoke has dissipated.
  
  > go inside
  The walls, the ceiling, and nearly all the objects in the room are covered in row upon row of perfectly round, white pearls. It is a monochromatic, pixellated visual nightmare. The only architectural features that relieve the monotony are at the far end of the room: a door frame and doorknob covered in black pearls.
  Pearl is here, sewing pearls onto her wedding gown with great difficulty.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you.
  
  > show the egg to Pearl
  Pearl gives you a big kiss of congratulations. "Was it really where Katschei said it was?" she asks.
  "Indeed, and it was a bear getting it out of the log," you reply
  with a grin.
  
  > open door
  Pearl notices your attempt to open the door. She opens it for you and kisses you for good luck. "Fight bravely!" she whispers into your ear.
  
  Katschei's great hall is a place of feasting and boasting.
  Katschei is at the head of the long banquet table, separated from
  you by his legion of knights that flank him on either side.
  Three times nine of Katschei's most battle-tested knights [6] have gathered in this hall to feast and to defend their lord.
  
  Your brother Vasilii follows you. The chefs follow you. You stand proudly to face the knights and Katschei with your formidable army.
  The chefs surround you, faces set with fiercesome expressions and their cutlery held in ceremonial battle stances. The knights are somewhat confused at the purpose of this arriving force.
  "Are you bringing the next course?" Katschei sputters.
  At once a chef screams out in Japanese: "Pepper shower attack!" (Vasilii is at your elbow to translate.)  The chefs pull out their pepper mills, leap onto the table, and, with aggressive grinding action, fill their opponents' eyes with a shower of ground pepper.
  The knights leap up, lurching about, trying to find their footing
  and their weaponry through the stinging pain in their peppery eyes. Another chef cries: "Teppanyaki Technique--Perfected!" Another: "Ginger Final Attack!" (again, according to Vasilii's translation). Most of the chefs go to work with their cutlery: the first wave with giant cleavers, hacking off limbs. The second wave moves in with the carving knives, flaying off large slices of knight flesh. A third group takes on the fine slicing.
  Meanwhile, the "special forces" are preparing the final attack.
  They have set up some pots on makeshift fires and pull from their bags long ginger roots, bottles of rice vinegar, and other condiments. The finished flesh is tossed from one set of chefs to the cooking team, who are giving the meat a quick marinade in the sauce.
  When all of the knights have been disabled, the chefs start
  chanting, "kuroi tamago, kuroi tamago!" Vasilii leans over to you, "I think they mean it's time to break the egg, Ivan."
  
  *** Your score just went up by 3 points. ***
  
  > Note 6
  [6]: This means, bizarrely enough, that there are twenty-nine knights, not twenty-seven as you might expect. In the old Russian tales, people would always travel "across three times nine lands to the thirtieth tsardom." Evidently, the old Russians were not big on math.
  
  > Note 7
  [7]: To marry them off, type the command in the form, "Dimitri, marry Flo" (or whomever you choose).
  
  > Marry vasili
  Dimitri dutifully agrees to enter into a domestic partnership with Vasilii.
  
  > Marry elena
  Vasilii is already spoken for.
  
  > Marry elena
  Vasilii dutifully agrees to marry Elena.
  
  > Marry baba yaga
  Dimitri dutifully agrees to marry the baba yaga.
  
  > Marry flo
  The caterer consents to marry Flo.
  
  > Marry allergist
  Silver consents to marry the allergist.
  
  > Marry mother
  "Thanks for the suggestion, son, but I'm way ahead of you on that one." He gives your mother an affectionate squeeze.
  
  > Marry Silver
  Silver is already spoken for.
  
  > Marry copper
  That would be awfully narcissistic.
  
  > marry us
  I don't know the word "ceremony".
  
  I don't know the word "us".
  
  > Marry
  What do you want to marry?
  
  > Kiss pearl
  You plant a big wet one on Pearl. Smack!