text: > look at your surroundings
  You weren't quite sure what you were expecting. Crowds, sure, but not ten thousand people crammed into a tenth as many square feet until they ferment. They're sort of herded along by barriers and signs, but once you reach critical mass of a couple thousand, it just looks like an enormous mass. Fortunately, you made it to the end of the line. Unfortunately, so did Brody.
  
  A girl glares at you from the crowd -- she's glaring so hard that just by the scowl you can spot her. She's wearing a name tag reading "Elise."
  
  Brody leers at you with either malice or lechery. You can't decide which would be worse.
  
  > Vaxum crowd
  It doesn't do anything. Yay, the masses doesn't hate you!
  
  > Frotz crowd
  You cast frotz at the masses, but apparently it doesn't take; all you can muster is a sudden flash of bright white light. There must be some highly scientific explanation for this.
  
  > Filfre
  A huge plume of fireworks bursts down from the ceiling. Tens of thousands of gamers stand agape for a second.
  
  > examine Elise
  Just looking at Elise, you know that you are out of your element. There's nothing remarkable about her by sight, but somehow, she's managed to score the rapt attention of every teenage and not-so-teenage boy at PAX, and most of the girls -- in short, about tens of thousands of people who are absolutely infatuated with her. She's also glaring at you like your very existence in this line and potentially in this panel is a personal affront to you. You don't get it. Why is everyone the world makes you encounter so horrible to you?
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > Zifmia
  You'd never be able to find anything you summoned in this crowd if you just cast it into thin air. Normally you at least have a field of vision to work with.
  
  > Vaxum elise
  You speak the words, and Elise just changes. Her scowl turns to a smile. Her arms uncross. And all she can talk about is the games she loved, and why she loves them, and how hopeful she is about IF as a form. And she's only talking to you; it's like nobody else matters. And people wonder why you still do magic.
  
  > Guncho crowd
  As much as you'd love to guncho the hell out of the masses, it just doesn't work.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  You notice Elise looking down at this tattered thing. She looks so forlorn, too. You really want to cheer her up.
  
  > Smell
  It reeks of overcrowding.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > Krebf elise
  You cast the krebf spell at Elise, but nothing happens. You probably shouldn't be so disappointed it was undamaged.
  
  > talk to Elise
  You strike up a conversation with Elise. "So what brings you here?"
  
  "Well, I don't know. Seeing people talk, picking up swag, the works." She holds up a small leather-bound book, sort of in tatters. "Like this, for instance. It's supposedly real vellum, or vegan fake vellum, or something -- anyway, it's legit. I got it at one of the booths, and I'd always wanted a spellbook of my own, you know? But then some asshole ripped it out of my hands and tore it up." She sighs. "I really wanted to get back at him, too, but he just stormed off. Him and his stupid hair and his really stupid T-shirt." Your gaze shifts over to Brody for a second. Could there be more than one asshole at this con? Probably, yeah, but perhaps nobody quite at his level.
  
  > Rezrov crowd
  You don't really want to cast rezrov at them again. You don't mind them, but you don't exactly want to hear the intimate details of their lives either.
  
  > Guncho enforcers
  As much as you'd love to guncho the hell out of the enforcers, it just doesn't work.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > Krebf book
  You speak the words. Elise looks skeptical at first -- oh damn it, did you undo your spell already? -- but the skepticism quickly dissolves once she notices what happens to your book. It's reforming, kind of like an ice cube freezing, And before you know it, it's as good as new. Possibly better.
  
  "Oh my God," Elise says. "How'd you do that?"
  
  "I know magic," you say, smiling. You try to restrain yourself from a huge monologue to her on the topic, but it's so hard and you kind of want to tell her anyway.
  
  > tell Elise about magic
  (To talk to people in this game, use TALK TO . It's a Speed IF. Its conversational prowess is limited.)
  
  > talk to Elise
  You start to tell Elise about magic, and much to your relief, she doesn't immediately blow you off. You tell her about many things: the time you singlehandedly stopped the Irish potato famine and started the Revolutionary War in one fell swoop to the night you summoned up this delicious chicken-lobster-mango fettuccine for a date. She's absolutely rapt. It might sound weird, but you never knew magic could make your life so awesome!
  
  "So this spellbook. If I wanted to, I could do magic too? Because I've got this asshole that needs a magical ass-whooping."
  
  "Did he have a middle-finger mohawk?"
  
  "YES!" There's so much in her voice: anger, astonishment. Relief. "That's the one."
  
  "If you want to, I can teach you," you say, hardly even knowing it. "Just let me." She nods vigorously. Awesome! Now you just need a plan.
  
  > Melbor elise
  You speak the words. Nothing visible happens, but Elise just comes off as so much more... primed. Yeah. That's it. Primed. Primed for ass-of-Brody-kicking.
  
  "Thanks," she says, and it's almost like a one-liner."Now teach me a spell. Do it quickly," she adds.
  
  "I don't have any murder spells," you say.
  
  "So do you have any go-away spells, then?"
  
  "Actually, yes!"
  
  "Then just put it in here! I know you can do that, right?" Your face shouldn't be blanching this much.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > Gnusto book
  Nothing happens. You were never all that great at gnusto anyway.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > Frotz guncho
  You cast frotz at guncho, but apparently it doesn't take; all you can muster is a sudden flash of bright white light. There must be some highly scientific explanation for this.
  
  > Gnusto zifmia
  Nothing happens. You were never all that great at gnusto anyway.
  
  > Gnusto guncho
  You start to speak the words, but it's no use; guncho is appearing in the spellbook, but one pixel at a time. Like you're on a 0.000001 modem. It's depressing. And Elise is sighing more than you ever want to see her sigh. There has to be a way to speed this up.
  
  > exex yourself
  You speak the words. Nothing happens that she can see, but you notice your brain absolutely racing. It's like the 1990s when they were talking about the information superhighway. Except there is one, and it's up in your head. Your casting probably just went up a million times. Like you leveled up. And it feels awesome.
  
  > Gnusto guncho
  You speak the words, and gnusto appears in the spellbook. Lightning fast. Like the first time you got a real Internet connection. You grin.
  
  "So is that it?" Elise says.
  
  "That's all," you agree.
  
  "Awesome," she says. "Now stand back!" Elise stomps up to Brody, who regards her with something between contempt and absolute confusion. "Yo. You. You with the stupid hair and the ridiculous T-shirt."
  
  "At your service," he drawls."
  
  "You ruined my spellbook," she says. "And from what I hear, you've been being a real jerk to Madeline here." She points at you. "So what do you have to say to that?"
  
  "Well, shit, I dunno," he responds. "Maybe that I don't care? Shouldn't you be playing like Farmville or Barbie or something?" He laughs. And laughs. And laughs some more.
  
  "No," Elise says. "Maybe I should be playing magic. Because Madeline knows magic. Ever consider that?" She doesn't even let him finish. "And now I know it too. And your ass is going down. Or should I say, going away. GNUSTO!"
  
  You'd love to say that there was this big explosion, full of flashing light, and gravity stopped too, and the world just completely collapsed in on itself. But gnusto was never that flashy. Instead, Brody is just gone, and Elise is standing before you. She gives you a hug, then a high-five. And for once, you're completely lost for words.
  
  > look
  You weren't quite sure what you were expecting. Crowds, sure, but not ten thousand people crammed into a tenth as many square feet until they ferment. They're sort of herded along by barriers and signs, but once you reach critical mass of a couple thousand, it just looks like an enormous mass. Fortunately, you made it to the end of the line. Unfortunately, so did Brody.
  
  Brody seems to have left a lamp behind.
  
  Elise smiles at you. You never even knew you could actually make real friends at these things!
  
  > get the lamp
  Taken.
  
  > examine the lamp
  It's a brass lantern. It looks eminently lightable with the right means.
  
  > Frotz lamp
  You speak the words. Immediately, the lamp lights up with bursts of bright, flashing light. You wonder why light always does that.
  
  > read the spellbook
  You really don't think it's real vellum -- the booth guy probably stiffed her -- but it's nevertheless kind of breathtaking. Especially now that it's fixed.
  
  > Frotz lamp
  There's no need; it's glowing more than you are.
  
  You notice somebody dressed as Link try to blitz the enforcers, failing miserably.
  
  > go north
  You head through the door, the lamp lighting your way, down the corridor, to your seat, into your chair. The panelists haven't even started yet. But once you sit down, as if magic, they do. And they say wonderful things, and you take in even more wonderful things, all about IF and its future and the amazing things that will be done in the future. It is all you ever wanted out of PAX.