text: [Themes: modern]
  
  "I can run one of the rides?" You ask.
  
  "You sure can. Would you like that?" Uncle Jim asks in response.
  
  You nod rapidly with excitement. "I would like that very much," you say. Oh boy! To run one of the rides would be sweet. How badass. Making the people stick to the walls on those super fast spinning chambers, or make them go around and around on the ferris wheel way high up in the air. That would be most excellent, you say to yourself. And what about the roller coasters? Some one had to run them! Most excellent indeed.
  
  Uncle Jim slaps a hand on your back and smiles warmly. "Good," he says, "I'll introduce you to the guy in charge over there."
  
  Your uncle begins walking off and you follow him through the park, past one of the restrooms and past a gift shop. You walk by the Little Duck's play area where all the little rides for the kids are. You soon reach the side of one of the wooden roller coasters where a tool shed sits behind a fence.
  
  Your Uncle Jim knocks on the door and a dirty looking man in overhauls and a dirty truckers cap stands wiping grease from his hands. He smiles a sparsely toothed grin that makes him look like a damn hill billy idiot. "Howdy, Jim," he says reaching out a hand for Jim to shake.
  
  Jim avoids the dirty hand by putting a hand on your back and pushing you towards him. He smells like an unidentifiable road kill which has been baking in the sun for almost a week and has become so rancid that even the crows won't touch it. That and beer. He smells like road kill and old beer.
  
  "Jake, this is my nephew Ricky. He's gonna work one of the rides for you, wherever you need the help."
  
  "Sounds good to me," He tells your uncle. Taking that as his cue to exit, Uncle Jim turns around and walks away, leaving you with the man with the terrible scent who will now be your boss.
  
  You and Jake stare at each other for quite some time before he speaks. It is a decidedly uncomfortable stare. "I been workin' here for almost five years now. The Meth Lab I was workin' at got shut down by the Police back in 98, and after that I was perty much making money on whatever I could. I made some cash catchin' frogs and sellin' 'em to them fancy restaurants where they eat them slimy critters. But that was messy work. After that I started pimping out my cousins... Till that fell through on account of Federal Regulatorifications. And now's I runs the rides. I know every part of every ride here. You might say I'm even and expert."
  
  He smiles his virtually toothless grin again, this time at you. "But that aren't why we're talkin' is it? I got a couple a' rides you can pick from," He tells you.
  
  You start to get excited; your mind turning once more to the prospect of roller coasters. Your hopes are quickly dashed however, when Jake presents you with your options.
  
  "The bumper cars can use some help. Theys only one gal over there. And the Carousel only got one person. You can help on one of those.
  
  "So what'll it be?"
  
  You think about it for a moment, chewing on a finger nail. As you chew you think you catch the taste of booger. You take your finger out of your mouth and speak; "I can't run a roller coaster?"
  
  Jake shakes his head; "E'rey one wants to run the damn roller coaster. You gotta pick from the Bumper Cars and the Carousel."
  
  You think again before speaking. "What's a carousel?" You ask.
  
  "You know," He says, "One of those horse things that goes around in circles and plays the jewelry box music."
  
  You decide that you like the way Jake describes things real simple for you. Carousel or Bumper Cars?
  
  Make a decision.
  
  > Carousel
  While you are disappointed that you can't run one of the roller coasters, you have to admit that it is pretty cool to run one of the rides, even if it is only a choice between bumper cars and the thing with the horses.
  
  "I guess I'll do the thing where the horses go around in the circles," You tell him, doing your best not to sound too disappointed about the roller coaster thing.
  
  "It's called a carousel, boy," He informs you.
  
  "Right," you say; "The Carousel."
  
  He nods approvingly. "That's where I started. Maybe you can work your way up through the ranks and be like me."
  
  "I hope not," You say aloud, purely on accident. You immediately regret saying it and your face flushes red with embarrassment.
  
  Thankfully Jake seems good humored; he laughs about it and slaps you on the shoulder. "You're a funny guy," He says, leaning on too close to say it, the liquor on his breath combined with the fumes from his poor oral hygiene nearly make you gag.
  
  "Oh man," You say, "Could you not lean in so close when you're talking to me?!"
  
  "Sorry about that," He says to you, with a good humored smile on his dirty face. "My breath ain't the freshest, I know it."
  
  "You're not kidding either, man. What the fuck do you do? Gargle with diarrhea? Damn!"
  
  He laughs a little more and tells you how to get to the carousel. He tells you to send who ever is working there to him to be reassigned after he trains you for an hour or so.
  
  You thank him and walk off in the direction he indicated. You're not sure why you're following his directions, you know exactly where the horse thingy is, but you figure that if he went through the trouble of pointing out a path for you to follow, you ought to follow it.
  
  Your way would have been much quicker though.
  
  You reach the thing with the horses that go around in circles and walk up to the guy operating the ride. He greets you warmly enough and you tell him what Jake told you to say. The guy practically hugs you, a huge smile spreads across his face and he thanks you over and over.
  
  "I'm just so sick of this ride," He confides in you. "It's the same thing every time, around and around in slow circle after slow circle. I'm so glad you're replacing me."
  
  You don't really know what to say to that, so you just kind of stare at him with a slack jaw.
  
  The ride ends.
  
  "OK, let me show you how you do this," He tells you. You follow him as he first walks over to the gate and opens it, then goes to help some of the kids who need help, get down. The kids all run to their parents who wait at the fence, and eventually the ride empties of all the kids.
  
  He lights up a cigarette and stands there with you in silence.
  
  "Now what," You ask after standing there for some time.
  
  "Now we wait for a line to form and I can show you how to start the ride." He says, sighing deeply. "Man, I can't wait 'till I'm done training you on this. I really fucking hate this ride. I mean, it doesn't even draw a crowd. How many fucking rides are there that you have to wait for a line to start before it will run?"
  
  "I don't know," You tell him.
  
  "None," He replies, "This is the only fucking ride like that in the park. Except for Little Ducks, the kiddie area."
  
  You stand in silence for some time, uncomfortable with the absence of conversation, you decide to introduce yourself. "My name is Ricky by the way," You say to him, holding out a hand for him to shake.
  
  "Chris," He says, shaking your hand briefly. "You know what else pisses me off about this thing? No babes."
  
  "No babes?" You ask.
  
  "That's right," He says, hitting his cigarette deeply before continuing; "There's no fucking babes. You know how many chicks ride the coasters? Tons. And the water rides? Man, the guys that run the water rides have it lucky. There's always a hot dingbat who decided to wear a white shirt with no bra underneath.
  
  "But the only babes you'll get on this ride are moms. Foxy moms. They're all right to look at, but when it comes right down to it, they're moms. They have kids and probably have husbands.
  
  "Other than hot moms, the only babe you'll see on this ride is this blond chick who gets on the carousel once a week. She's gorgeous, perfect body, great rack, hot ass, and the most beautiful pouty lips you'll ever see."
  
  He hits his cigarette again.
  
  "Then what's the problem?" You ask.
  
  "She's fucking retarded. Seriously. Mentally challenged. Not "slow learner" retarded or "acts like an idiot" retarded. Really, genuinely retarded. She picks her nose and eats the boogers and shit. They dethawed cavemen with more extensive vocabularies. It's a damn shame, too. She's a hot number. And her big body builder brother is always around, so you can't even try to take advantage of her."
  
  "Damn," You say.
  
  "Yeah," He replies, flicking his cigarette into the bushes behind the ride. "Looks like we got a line forming," he says.
  
  You follow him to the entrance gate where two kids stand waiting. A third kid stands there with his mom, who urges him to get on the carousel.
  
  "See what I mean?" Chris whispers to you.
  
  "Yeah," You whisper back, "Any other ride and that kid would be begging to get on."
  
  "No, I mean the moms," He says, "Look at the rack on her. Holy shit would I love to suck the milk from her teet."
  
  You look at him like he's deranged... Mostly because you think he's deranged. "You're a sick bastard," You tell him.
  
  "I know," He says. "But I'm on to better things soon, thanks to you."
  
  The mom wins and the kid walks with his head bowed in shame towards the ride.
  
  "Do you need help getting on one of the big horsies?" Chris asks him.
  
  "Shut up, mister and start the ride," The kid retorts.
  
  "We need four more kids before the ride can start, kid. Go pick your stupid horse so your mommy can see you ride around on it."
  
  "Was that necessary?" You ask him.
  
  "Hey Ricky, I don't go trying to tell you how to look stupid, so don't start trying to tell me how to treat the snot nosed little brats that get on my ride." He responds curtly.
  
  "If no one else shows up after two or three minutes," He tells you, continuing with his lesson, "you tell that the carousel is about to start and that'll usually draw a few people."
  
  "And if it doesn't?" You ask.
  
  "If it doesn't you wait a couple more minutes and start it without them." He tells you.
  
  "Ah," You reply, taking this information in.
  
  Chris walks to the gate and cups his mouth with his hands. "Last call for the carousel!!" He hollers for all to hear.
  
  One more kid comes straggling in.
  
  "All right," Chris says to you, "Let's start this ancient bitch up eh?"
  
  You follow him to the platform with the control switch on it and he shows you how to start the ride by moving a lever. He explains that it's on a timer, so you won't have to stop it, but in case of emergency he shows you the manual brake.
  
  You notice a little knob beside the start lever and ask about it.
  
  "Don't worry about that thing. It controls the speed. If you touch it, Jake will have your ass."
  
  You help him start the ride twice before he parts company with you; wishing you luck. You wish him the same and wait for the kids to show up for the next ride. Somehow you imagined running a ride would be more exciting...
  
  You go through the motions for a little over an hour, running the carousel four times for close to twenty kids. Chris was right, you decide, the carousel is a big pain in the ass.
  
  At around five o'clock, however, a beautiful blonde catches your eye. She has a grin on her face that speaks volumes of happiness, and a body like the girls in the magazines your father keeps under his bed. She wears a plain dress and runs to the carousel with an overwhelming amount of excitement.
  
  She runs up to the carousel and picks a horse, leaping up to straddle it. As she gets aback the horse, you cannot help but note the bareness of her ass beneath the dress. It doesn't appear that this foxy young temptress is wearing any panties at all. She looks up at you and smiles. You wonder if she caught you looking.
  
  She makes only the second passenger on the carousel, so you know you have time to kill before more arrive and you have to start the ride. You want to go talk to her, but you're not really sure if she'll like you. You are a dipshit, after all.
  
  Do you stand where you are and wait for more kids or go talk to her?
  
  > wait where you are. She won't like you anyway.
  You decide that it is best to avoid the rejection that you know will be coming. Some time passes and the carousel gains four more kids who pick out their horses. They smile at their parents and wave as you pull back the start lever.
  
  The horses begin their mad and infinite pursuit of one another around the circle at the pace of mules. You realize as you watch them that their carved faces frighten you and you do your best to ignore them.
  
  "Faster," comes a call from the carousel.
  
  "Faster," chimes in another.
  
  It isn't long before the air is filled with repetitive calls for an increase in speed. You try to resist but they amplify their demands.
  
  At last you give in and search the control board for the knob that alters the speed; the one Chris said you are not to touch. A slight boost won't do any harm, you figure as you move the knob clockwise.
  
  The speed increases and you hear a collective squeal of delight from the riders. But it doesn't seem to completely satisfy them as they call for more speed only moments later. Again you comply by turning the knob, and again they complain that it isn't fast enough.
  
  You reach for the knob again, and this time give it a hard turn, quadrupling the speed of the ride. Squeals of delight soon change to screams of despair as the horses infinite chase suddenly increases and the centrifugal force starts to pull the children from the comfort of their seats and throws them from the mad rush of carousel insanity to the hard and unforgiving blacktop.
  
  You try to turn the knob back but the spring breaks and the knob comes off in your hand. Staring down at the black knob you swallow hard as another child lands beside you.
  
  The last to fly off is the attractive blonde. She lands at your feet. Around you is a mob of angry people who call you an idiot and look like they are about to kill you.
  
  Fortunately security gets there soon, and after receiving only a minor beating; they escort you out of the park, informing you that you are no longer an employee of Ducky Park.
  
  Looking back to the park and sighing you start your journey home. By the time you get back to your house the sun has set. When you walk in you find your father sitting on his recliner and watching the evening news.
  
  "Hey," He says, "How was your first day of work?"
  
  You decide not to tell him about what happened and shrug at the question. "It was okay, I guess."
  
  "Sit down," He says with an unusual cheerfulness; "Watch some TV with your old man."
  
  You take a cushion on the couch and watch as the news reports a shoplifter at a local store and then a prostitution ring that has been broken up. Then the icon above the newscasters head turns to Ducky Park.
  
  "In other news, the old carousel at Ducky Park was at first thought to be malfunctioning when it began spinning at an out of control speed flinging children from the backs of the beloved sculpted horses.
  
  "Security cameras tell a different story, however;" She says turning in her seat to face a new camera. The security camera overtakes the screen and you see the unmistakable form of you cranking up the speed and holding the broken knob in your hand.
  
  "Park Officials say that this young man is responsible for the malfunctioning machinery."
  
  Your dad turns in his chair to face you, his face beat red. "Nothing happened at work today, huh?" He asks.
  
  You try to get up and run, but he grabs you by the back collar of your shirt and slams you into the wall. "You little son of a bitch!" He says, beating you over the head and back in a fury of disappointment.
  
  "You're the one who wanted me to work there," You try to reason, but your father will hear none of it. He declares that he hates you, that you are worthless and irresponsible.
  
  You have Ducky Park to thank.