text: [Themes: Satire, Haunted  House, Afterlife, hell]
  
  > Go downward
  You're on the floor of the huge cave of fire. It's extremely
  difficult to see where you're going due to all of the fire and smoke. High above on the cave wall, you can see a ledge; you think you'll be able to climb back up the wall. The only path you can see through the cave is to the north.
  
  > go north
  You slowly make your way through the dense flames. You realize that this cave must be totally devoid of oxygen -- certainly it's all being consumed by the raging fires. It's lucky you're already dead, you think to yourself.
  
  You're at the north end of the fire cave, standing on the rocky
  shore of a huge, still lake. The water is black -- so black that it barely reflects the brilliant light of the fires. In the middle of the lake, you can see a small island. The fire cave lies to the south, and you could wade into the water to the north.
  
  > go north
  You're wading in the lake. The shore is to the south. An island
  lies some distance to the north.
  
  > Wear bracelet
  Okay, you're no longer wearing the genuine gold disk.
  
  Okay, you're now wearing the genuine gold bracelet. A feeling of strength and safety falls over you.
  
  > go to the north
  You manage to wade a little further toward the island, but as you do, a blinding light forces you to cover your eyes, and you are unable to get any further.
  
  > wear the ring
  Okay, you're no longer wearing the genuine gold disk.
  
  Okay, you're now wearing the genuine silver ring. A feeling of strength and safety falls over you.
  
  > go north
  You manage to wade a little further toward the island, but as you do, you double over with painful stomach cramps and nausea, and you are unable to get any further.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a printed note, a dead light bulb, a toolbox, a portable radio, a bucket, a pitchfork, a small metal key, a parachute (being worn), a pair of rubber gloves, a certificate, a poker, a brush, a shovel, a pencil sharpener, a pencil, an Infern-O-Vac battery, a dollar bill, a cigarette box, a check, a driver's license, a paper recycling bin, an empty can of ToxiCola, a bag of Cheese-Doodles, a yellow note, a pillow, an ID card, a maintenance uniform, a rope, a genuine silver ring (being worn), an appointment card, a bedspread, a pocket lighter, a pair of flippers (being worn), a genuine gold bracelet, a genuine jewel stone, a heat shield, and a genuine gold disk. The toolbox seems to contain a crowbar. The radio compartment seems to contain a DuraHell battery. The paper recycling bin seems to contain some waste paper.
  
  > Go south
  You're at the north end of the fire cave, standing on the rocky
  shore of a huge, still lake. The water is black -- so black that it barely reflects the brilliant light of the fires. In the middle of the lake, you can see a small island. The fire cave lies to the south, and you could wade into the water to the north.
  
  You're on the floor of the huge cave of fire. It's extremely
  difficult to see where you're going due to all of the fire and smoke. High above on the cave wall, you can see a ledge; you think you'll be able to climb back up the wall. The only path you can see through the cave is to the north.
  
  You're on a ledge fifty feet above the floor of a huge cave. The
  cave below is engulfed in flames. Fire shoots out of vents in the rock; pools of oil on the ground burn slowly, releasing thick black clouds of smoke; even some of the rocks themselves smolder and burn. Across the cave on the north side, you can see a wide, dark lake; some distance into the lake is a small island. You can probably climb down the gently sloping walls of the cave to the floor below, and a narrow passage leads outside to the crater to the southwest.
  
  You're at the bottom of the crater. The floor of the crater is littered with huge, sharp rocks, making travel very difficult, and the ground is so hot that it glows red. It looks as though you could climb back up the crater wall. To the northeast is a narrow passage leading into an underground cave.
  
  A thick cloud of dust drifts down from the side of the crater. You watch the cloud as it slowly meanders through the complex air currents driven by the hot crater floor. As the cloud approaches the hot rocks at the bottom of the crater, it suddenly catches fire; you leap back as the cloud almost instantly vanishes in a searing wall of flame.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  One of the large rocks on the pit floor suddenly bursts into flames. You jump back and shield your eyes from the blinding fire. After a few moments, the fire subsides, and all that's left of the rock is a thick black cloud of sulfurous fumes that slowly dissipates.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You hear a rumbling sound under your feet. The rumbling increases
  in intensity until the sound is deafening, and the ground is shaking violently. As you try to maintain your balance, several rocks are suddenly blown upward as a huge steam geyser blasts through the surface. You jump backward away from the jet of pressurized steam. Eventually, the geyser weakens, and finally stops.
  
  You can't go that way.
  
  You hear a noise overhead, and look up to see a number of rocks come sliding down the side of the crater. You jump out of the way just in time.
  
  > Go south
  You're standing at the top of an enormous crater, which is at least several hundred feet in diameter and almost as deep. Strangely, the ground around the crater is not lifted as you would expect of an impact crater; it is more like the result of excavation. The sides of the crater are very steep, but it looks as though you could climb down with some effort. The depths of the crater are obscured by a dense fog, but a wavering red glow penetrates the fog from below. Overpowering sulfurous fumes fill the air, and waves of heat and steam rise from below.
  
  You are on a vast, desolate plain. The ground is hot here; steam
  rises from cracks in the dry soil, and the warm, damp air smells strongly of sulfur. The area is littered with debris: decaying bones of strange animals, broken parts from ancient machinery, pools of tar and oil. The plain continues off in all directions; it was somewhat more pleasant to the south. A bright red glow comes from the north.
  
  You're on the east edge of a desolate plain. The ground is
  hard-packed sand covered with small, sharp rocks. The plain extends to the west as far as the eye can see. You notice that you can see for a very long distance; the ground does not seem to have any curvature at all, and there is no distinct horizon. Only sheer distance seems to obscure your view of what may be an infinite plain.
  You can see a red glow to the north, and the city lies back to the east. The plain stretches off without any distinguishing features in all other directions.
  
  > Go west
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "In what year did Columbus discover America?" The woman replies, "1492." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > give bill to the officer
  The Celestial Security officer rejects the offer.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Are you married?" The woman replies, "Yes." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > give the waste paper to officer
  The Celestial Security officer rejects the offer.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Is your spouse living or dead?" The woman replies, "Living." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > examine the uniform
  It's a one-piece white jumpsuit. It's a bit singed.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "What is your spouse's life expectancy?" The woman replies, "72 years." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > ask the woman about the age
  "Please wait until I'm done here."
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you now or have you ever smoked?" The woman replies, "No." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > ask the officer about the age
  "You'll have to wait your turn. I can only help one person at a time."
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you now or have you ever belonged to, endorsed, supported, aided and abetted, given comfort to, made a contribution to, sent back a business reply card from, or developed an advertising slogan for a 'light beer' manufacturer?" The woman replies, "No, never." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > examine bin
  It's a blue plastic bin, labeled "Paper", with the familiar recycling symbol underneath. In the paper recycling bin you see some waste paper.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Jane lives one mile from school, and Billy lives four miles away. If Jill walks to school at three miles per hour, how fast must Billy ride his bike to arrive at school at the same time as Jane if they both leave home at the same time?" The woman replies, "12 miles per hour." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.
  
  > look at the wastebasket
  There's nothing in the waste basket.
  
  The Celestial Security officer asks the young woman, "Do you use a hearing aid?" The woman replies, "No." The officer slowly and carefully transcribes the information onto the application form.