text: [Themes: Crime, Humor, male protagonist, humor]
  
  > Look around
  Dozens of people are milling around. They're all in hooded cloaks, and they're all wearing creepy animal masks, except for the people who are wearing very creepy yellow, glassy-eyed human masks. The room is huge--where the heck is this room?--and lit up with hundreds of little candles, enough to make the room unbearably hot. But the air conditioning is on full blast, so the flames just whip around crazily and cast all kinds of weird shadows.
  
  At one end of the room is a raised platform with a podium; behind the platform are two giant bird-headed statues.
  
  In the middle of the room is a massive table.
  
  "Point of order! We haven't finished with old business!"
  
  "Oh, point of order, huh? Well, I am going to table your point of order. I am going to postpone your point of order indefinitely."
  
  Paco's rapport with his audience has taken a turn. People are grumbling.
  
  > Go east
  It's even colder in here.
  
  This is either an office or some sort of lounge: The walls are lined with shelves, but the shelves are all empty; up against one wall is an aquarium, but without any fish; there's a long table in the middle of the room, but there's only one chair. A window in the door to the north and a lamp inside the aquarium supply the only light.
  
  The door shuts behind you with a faint click, but the conversation in the next room is still audible.
  
  That pile of fat envelopes is here, but now they're all empty.
  
  A new voice pipes up: "Can't we have just one meeting that doesn't end with everybody at each other's throats?"
  
  "Yes! That is exact--" Paco is blustering! "That's why I wanted to finish off with the interloper issue, because it's something we can all agree on, so we could work as a team, and then when we were finished we could all leave feeling like we accomplished something."
  
  > examine table
  This looks like a meeting table, but there's only one chair next to it.
  
  On the long table are a stack of maps, a crumpled list, some minutes, a cashbox and a collection of restaurant menus.
  
  Brother Stantz yells: "I think the first thing we should accomplish is the election of a new chair!"
  
  > examine the cashbox
  A metal box of the sort typically guarded by moms running concession stands at high school football games. It's heavy. But it's locked.
  
  Somebody yells "For the new chair, I nominate myself!" but nobody seconds the motion.
  
  > examine the maps
  Oh, hey, these are all maps of this town!
  
  Each one has title written on it just north of the city limits, like "ITALIAN" or "sports" or "ETHNIC," and then the city is broken up into different-colored sections, like a history textbook explaining where countries used to be.
  
  Here's the "pizza" map: La Pizzá is in the middle of a big red area that takes up this whole side of town--that's right, there aren't any other pizza places around here, are there?--and the rest of the city is split up into much smaller blue, green, yellow and orange chunks, each with one other (less expensive) pizzeria.
  
  The "Mexican" map has a doodle of a sombrero on it. And there's Paco's Tacos, sitting in the middle of its kingdom like Pierre in the middle of South Dakota.
  
  There's an ice cream map, too, but it's a little different: this neighborhood is on the outskirts of the territory set apart for Captain Hugo's Locker (a pirate-themed pizza/ice cream place ten blocks from here). Get Your Licks isn't labeled by name, but the plat where it's located has been circled in red pen a few times. Maybe by Captain Hugo?
  
  He must have been pretty angry.
  
  All of a sudden there's a lull in the meeting room. What's going on?
  
  > take all
  stack of envelopes: Taken.
  stack of maps: In a kind of nervous panic, you scoop up all the papers from the table in a big messy sheaf.
  
  A tiny metal key falls out of this sheaf and onto the floor.
  crumpled list: You already have that.
  minutes: You already have that.
  cashbox: Taken.
  collection of restaurant menus: You already have that.
  
  All of a sudden there's a lull in the meeting room. What's going on?
  
  > take the key
  (the tiny metal key)
  Taken.
  
  Maybe the meeting is over with? But there are no footsteps.
  
  > wait
  Time passes.
  
  The big, meaty footsteps are getting louder.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes.
  
  As you're contemplating the pros and cons of opening the emergency exit, Paco arrives at the top of the stairs. "Very kind of you to wait up for me," he pants. As you reach in your pocket for the gun, Paco pulls off your mask. "Pleasure to meet you," he says, his own mask completely motionless. Then something (a fist!) slams into your face, and all of a sudden you are on the floor.
  
  Maybe, someday, things will get better for you.
  
  > Go south
  Before you can scramble into the light of the streetlamps you fall to the ground, tackled by a huge man in an alligator mask.
  
  Paco turns your body over and presses a fat elbow against your neck. Then he tears off your mask and throws it down the alley.
  
  "What are you doing here?" he heaves.
  
  [1] "I don't know!
  [2] "Well, it started out when I lost my job&"
  [3] "Who are you?"
  [4] "What are you whackjobs doing down there?"
  [5] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 2
  "Well&" With a monumental effort you successfully exhale the first sentence of your long, pathetic story, but before you can get any further Paco slaps you hard across the face.
  
  [1] "I don't know!
  [2] "Who are you?"
  [3] "What are you whackjobs doing down there?"
  [4] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 3
  All you can manage between shallow breaths is a weak "What& &down there," which at least gets your point across.
  
  Paco leans in closer. "We're business owners. We work together, to contribute to this community. We keep people like you in line," he hisses, "because you people don't contribute anything."
  
  [1] "I don't know!
  [2] "Who are you?"
  [3] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 2
  "Who are you?" you wheeze.
  
  "Who am I?! I'm the Blue Moon! I'm Mike's On Fifth! I'm La Pizzá! I own half this town, and you're asking me who I am? You nobody?"
  
  Now he's wheezing too.
  
  [1] "I don't know!
  [2] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 1
  "I hkkkk," you gag, Paco's elbow pressing down on your larynx. He does not ease up or respond.
  
  [1] "Please, let me go! I won't tell anyone anything!"
  [2] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 1
  You manage the "please," but Paco just pushes against your throat harder. You get the sense that he's a little overcome at the moment.
  
  [1] "Please, let me go! I won't tell anyone anything!"
  [2] Point your gun at him.
  
  > 2
  Even though Paco has you pinned to the ground, some sort of miracle happens and you're able to reach your gun. You point it at his face just long enough for him to realize what it is, and then you pull the trigger.
  
  You hear a sharp crack, an explosion.
  
  Which is odd, because the gun wasn't&
  
  Now you're standing up, and Paco is lying face down on the ground.
  
  Although you're pretty sure Paco isn't his real name.
  
  Any further north and the road gets too dark for any sane person to be walking around alone, but south of here there are streetlights, and a street.
  
  Paco is lying on the ground here.
  
  > check the gun
  Small enough to be carried inconspicuously in your pocket, but big enough to scare anybody it's pointed at, this is a kind of gun with a specific name--a brand name, like cars have. It also has a "caliber," which is a number that refers to what kind of bullets you can put in it, but you can't remember that either.
  
  The important details are easy enough: You point it like this, you put your index finger in here, and when you squeeze the trigger it goes boom, assuming the gun is loaded. One other important thing to keep in mind is that the gun is not loaded.
  
  Then you hear a scream from somewhere south of here. Some doors slam, some people yell at each other, and then a dog starts barking, so of course every other dog in the neighborhood starts barking, and from that point the noise becomes incomprehensible.
  
  The gunshot must have been across the street. Some guy got mad at some other guy, or got mad at some other guy's car, or whatever. Somebody else's problem.
  
  Maybe it's time to go home.
  
  > examine Paco
  Belly-down, in a fetal position, whimpering. If he's whimpering, then he's probably not dead, right?
  
  > take Mask
  (the alligator mask)
  That seems to belong to Paco.
  
  > kick Paco
  You give him a good kick, and he grunts pitifully in pain.
  
  > go south
  The bricks in this alley are so old that at the middle of the road they have sunk a full foot below the level of their neighbors closer to the building walls. Walking across this uneven half-pipe of bricks is an unnerving and probably dangerous experience.
  
  The alley continues north, past a staple-encrusted utility pole, until the beams of the streetlamps don't quite reach; west is the parking lot and east is Paco's Taco's.
  
  You can see a ram mask here.
  
  > unlock the cashbox with the key
  (the tiny metal key)
  You unlock the cashbox.
  
  > open the cashbox
  Goodness. This is a lot of money. A whole lot of money, even speaking only in terms of how many pieces of paper there are. And a lot of them are hundreds. Counting all this would take a lot of time and require some math, so you decide to worry about that later.
  
  [Your funds have increased by, let's say, about fifty thousand dollars.]
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a tiny metal key
  a cashbox (open but empty)
  a collection of restaurant menus
  some minutes
  a crumpled list
  a stack of maps
  a stack of envelopes
  a glass of mousse
  a fancy letter
  a golden dagger
  a cloak (being worn)
  a note about parking
  an umbrella
  an empty M&M's bag
  your keychain
  some guy's wallet
  a long, bent coat hanger
  a duffel bag (open but empty)
  a pair of sunglasses
  $50008.27, mostly in hundred dollar bills
  a gun
  
  > examine the menus
  There must be a menu here for every restaurant in town! And they've all been marked up by pens of various colors, crossing out and replacing the prices of every item. Usually the prices go up (big surprise).
  
  > look at minutes
  That's what it says at the top of each sheet, anyway: "Mystery of Thoth - Minutes of" and then a date. The text is mostly incomprehensible bureaucratic nonsense. A random paragraph catches your eye:
  
  Brother Alpert moved to trade masks with somebody, saying he was "tired of being the guy with a beetle for a face." Brother Malone denied this motion, although Brother Alpert was later seen at Mike's on Fifth offering Brother Stantz an undisclosed amount to swap him for the cobra mask.
  
  Each one is "respectfully submitted" by Sister Lagrange.
  
  > examine the maps
  Oh, hey, these are all maps of this town!
  
  Each one has title written on it just north of the city limits, like "ITALIAN" or "sports" or "ETHNIC," and then the city is broken up into different-colored sections, like a history textbook explaining where countries used to be.
  
  Here's the "pizza" map: La Pizzá is in the middle of a big red area that takes up this whole side of town--that's right, there aren't any other pizza places around here, are there?--and the rest of the city is split up into much smaller blue, green, yellow and orange chunks, each with one other (less expensive) pizzeria.
  
  The "Mexican" map has a doodle of a sombrero on it. And there's Paco's Tacos, sitting in the middle of its kingdom like Pierre in the middle of South Dakota.
  
  There's an ice cream map, too, but it's a little different: this neighborhood is on the outskirts of the territory set apart for Captain Hugo's Locker (a pirate-themed pizza/ice cream place ten blocks from here). Get Your Licks isn't labeled by name, but the plat where it's located has been circled in red pen a few times. Maybe by Captain Hugo?
  
  He must have been pretty angry.
  
  > look at the list
  This paper is old, and it looks like people have been crossing parts out, rewriting parts, and annotating other parts with inscrutable question marks over the course of months or maybe years. It must have started out as a typewritten table: A column of names, a column of positions, and a column of dollar amounts. For example:
  
  Most of these names you don't recognize: building inspectors and health officials, police, newspaper editors. But the mayor is on here too! On his row, "CITY COUNCILMAN" has been crossed out and replaced with "MAYOR," and "$5000" has been crossed out and replaced with a much larger number.
  
  > Go east
  The lights are off. Paco's is closed.
  
  > talk to Zuleika
  "How can I help you?"
  
  [1] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [2] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [3] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [4] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [5] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [6] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [7] "I should get going."
  
  > 4
  "You wanna hear something weird?"
  
  Her eyes widen. "Yes. I do." You'd better think of something good!
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "Do you know about any weird cults around here?"
  [8] "Check out this dagger I found."
  [9] "Look at this crazy mask."
  [10] "Could you take a look at this note?"
  [11] "There's this garden with a waterfall on top of La Pizzá.
  [12] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [13] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [14] "I should get going."
  
  > 7
  "Do you know about any weird cults around here?"
  
  "Cults?" She frowns. "I know that people act really weird around here, that's for sure. But I've never heard of any cults. I guess a good cult has to be secretive about it, right?"
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "Check out this dagger I found."
  [8] "Look at this crazy mask."
  [9] "Could you take a look at this note?"
  [10] "There's this garden with a waterfall on top of La Pizzá.
  [11] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [12] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [13] "I should get going."
  
  > 7
  "Check out this dagger I found."
  
  "Oh my gosh! Where did you get this?"
  
  You hesitate.
  
  But she doesn't notice: "I found a dagger just like this, stuck in my door like a week ago! Someone stabbed it in my door in the middle of the night, like a warning from the mob or something. I thought it was just weirdos, I didn't think it was a thing. I have other stuff on my mind&" She looks out the window.
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "Look at this crazy mask."
  [8] "Could you take a look at this note?"
  [9] "There's this garden with a waterfall on top of La Pizzá.
  [10] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [11] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [12] "I should get going."
  
  > 7
  "Look at this crazy mask." You hand it over to her, and she regards it suspiciously.
  
  "Where the heck did this come from? It's creepy. I don't like it." She pushes it back toward you.
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "Could you take a look at this note?"
  [8] "There's this garden with a waterfall on top of La Pizzá.
  [9] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [10] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [11] "I should get going."
  
  > 8
  "There's this garden with a waterfall on top of La Pizzá."
  
  "Seriously?"
  
  "Yeah, it's got a shrub shaped like a cat, and a statue of a naked lady. I mean, the other way around."
  
  "So, there's a statue of a cat, right? Do I understand you correctly? Well, give it a pet for me. I love cats, but I'm allergic."
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "Could you take a look at this note?"
  [8] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [9] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [10] "I should get going."
  
  > 7
  "Could you take a look at this note?"
  
  She says "Sure," so you hand it to her.
  
  "Wow, this is weird. These are some seriously nerdy people getting together. Where did you find this? Don't tell me."
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [8] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [9] "I should get going."
  
  > 4
  "Would you mind my asking&"
  
  "Not at all!" says Zuleika, without even knowing what it is you're going to ask.
  
  [1] "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  [2] "I would actually love to taste something&"
  [3] "I know what kind of ice cream I want."
  [4] "Would you mind my asking&"
  [5] "You wanna hear something weird?"
  [6] "Have you seen this graffiti of a bird?"
  [7] "What's your tattoo of?"
  [8] "What are all these newspaper clippings?"
  [9] "I should get going."
  
  > 1
  "You will not believe what just happened to me."
  
  "Try me," she says.
  
  > wait
  So you tell her everything, from breaking into the car, to the cat statue and the waterfall, to Wolf Head Guy, to the whole scene in the meeting room, to your epic battle with Paco. As you hear yourself telling it, it sounds stupider and stupider, but your friend is transfixed. She doesn't doubt you for a second.
  
  And then you show her the papers you found in the office.
  
  "This is me!" she says, pointing to a circle on one of the maps. "This is proof that they're after me! And this list has gotta be list of bribes that they're paying to people all over town! The freakin' mayor! You uncovered a huge, crazy restaurant conspiracy!"
  
  She pauses. "We have to be careful about this. They're gonna be after you. But we can lay low. We can take it slow. We'll talk to my parents; they can hide you up on the farm if they have to. We'll figure it out."
  
  > wait
  Her eyes glint. "In the meantime, do you need a job?"
  
  > point gun at Zuleika
  "You point it at her, but she yells "Hey! Get that thing out of my face!" and you put it away.
  
  > give the money to Zuleika
  She frowns. "I don't need money," she says. "I need customers that trust me. I need cops and building inspectors to stop breathing down my neck. I could use another cashier. But money isn't really my problem; my problem is business."
  
  > check your inventory
  You are carrying:
  a ram mask
  a tiny metal key
  a cashbox (open but empty)
  a collection of restaurant menus
  some minutes
  a crumpled list
  a stack of maps
  a stack of envelopes
  a glass of mousse
  a fancy letter
  a golden dagger
  a cloak (being worn)
  a note about parking
  an umbrella
  an empty M&M's bag
  your keychain
  some guy's wallet
  a long, bent coat hanger
  a duffel bag (open but empty)
  a pair of sunglasses
  $50008.27, mostly in hundred dollar bills
  a gun
  
  > give mousse to her
  (Zuleika)
  [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.]
  
  > give the mousse to Zuleika
  [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.]
  
  > enter the focus
  Aside from the usual accomodations, the interior of this automobile boasts numerous empty pop cans, a tall and disorganized stack of documents and a variety of stains.
  
  > drive
  Are you sure you want to drive home?
  
  > Yes
  So, then, you go ahead and start the car.
  
  It's so late now that there's nobody else on the roads. You can drive slowly, incredibly slowly, through intersections and empty parking lots; when you come up to the top of a hill you can weave back and forth while you idle your way down.
  
  And as you do, you let yourself smile a little bit.
  
  Some weird stuff happens over the next few weeks: Paco's Tacos closes, and then La Pizzá says it's "on hiatus," and some stories come out in the news that get people really angry, but you don't usually read the news.
  
  So when the front page features a big picture of Paco (not his real name), next to a story about his controversial acquittal, you don't notice at all.