text: Mrs. Frankenstein, the Wolfman, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon stand up immediately. They look between where they think you are and where Dracula is. Dracula waves them away, and you decline as well. You haven't smoked that stuff in years and there is no need to do so now.
  
  You sit across from Dracula in silence for a short while, he looking around the bar while you stare at the form of the Mummy who is passed out beside a mug of brew, face down on the table.
  
  "Are you still there, Invisible?" Dracula asks.
  
  "Yeah." You reply.
  
  "I have noticed something about this bar that does not sit so vell vith me." He says to you in a low tone.
  
  "What's that?" You ask.
  
  "Do you see any vimen in here?" He asks.
  
  You look around and are surprised to locate so few women within. But there are a few, and you point them out to lord of vampires.
  
  "No, no." He says. "That viman," He says pointing at one of the three you directed him to, "has a mustache. That vun has to be the most masculine looking viman I ever have seen. And that one," He says pointing to the third, "Has an erection."
  
  You take all of this in and realize he is right. "My word." You say aloud.
  
  "Yes," He says, "The Monsters Lounge is a gay monsters lounge."
  
  "Damn," You exclaim, "You are one observant fucking vampire."
  
  "I vish that vas the case. I vas actually tipped off to the fact vhen one of the men grabbed at my ass. You are lucky you are invisible in a situation like this." He says to you.
  
  "I guess so." You say, drinking more of your beer.
  
  "Why don't you go grab us some more beers?" You ask of him.
  
  "Give me some money, friend." He says to you.
  
  "I haven't got any." You reply. "Why don't you check and see if any one wants to buy you a drink?"
  
  "I don't think so, Invisible." He says.
  
  "Why not?" You ask. "You were apparently born with an attractive quality that members of your own gender cannot resist. Use this to your advantage, Dracula. Get us some free beer."
  
  He considers this for a moment. "You are right." He says. "I vill do so."
  
  As he stands up and begins his walk to the bar, you call after him with a reminder. "Just don't feed, Drac! You could get AIDS!"
  
  He displays to you the longest of his fingers as he goes to the bar.
  
  Your eyes stray once again to the unconscious form of the Mummy at the table. He hasn't so much as twitched once since you arrived, and you were kind of hoping to talk with him a little today.
  
  > let him sleep.
  You decide that it would be best to allow the Mummy to sleep, no need to disturb his peaceful slumber. You watch as Dracula goes to the bar and tries to order drinks. You laugh inwardly as one of the gays at the bar slaps his ass. Damned if that vampire wasn't doing his best to get some free beer.
  
  A few minutes pass and the jukebox suddenly starts to play a Nine Inch Nails song that was selected from one of Dracula's "leads". The moment the song begins, the doors to the bar open and in walk your monster friends, freshly baked from partaking in their endevors out back.
  
  They come down and sit at the table, Wolfman almost sitting on top of you. They smell like they just got back from a Snoop Dogg/Cypress Hill concert and their eyes are glazed over like a bunch of silver screen movie monsters who just went out back to smoke pot behind a queer bar. They are jolly and laughing, and clearly stoned off thier rockers.
  
  Moments later, Dracula returns will a New Castles ale for you and a wine for himself. At least you think it's wine, he is a vampire afterall...
  
  Anyway, everyone is bullshitting in one of those loud uproarious conversations where the rest of the bar has to talk louder just to be heard. Somehow or other your fellow monsters get on the subject of girls.
  
  "I like a hairy woman," says the Wolfman, "hairy legs, hairy arms, harry ass... I like it if I have to caugh up a hairball when I'm done eating her out."
  
  "That's disgusting," you say to the Wolfman. He shrugs his shoulders and sips from his beer.
  
  Everyone else has pretty normal taste, some interested in breasts and others into the rears, and then Dracula speaks and the incessant chatter and deafening noise suddenly stops.
  
  "I like a bitch vhen she's on her period." He says, that's when the talk stops and the bar goes silent... Not that that stops Dracula from continuing.
  
  "That's the best time to eat pussy, when it's a bloody gory mess. Lapping my tongue around down there and sucking down the combination of pussy juice and plasma. Ohhhhh yeah."
  
  Silence. The bar is pure silence.
  
  Frankenstein leans to the side and begins vomiting on the floor.
  
  "What the fuck, Dracula?!" Wolfman says, "You're fucking nasty! No one wants to hear about that kind of shit!! Jesus, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
  
  "Vhat?" He says, clearly surprised that no one else finds his sexual inclinations arousing. "Blood and pussy? It doesn't get any better than that."
  
  Having heard this, you drink one long pull from your draft and set down your empty glass. "Okay," you say, "I'm leaving."
  
  With that, you turn around and make your way to the doors. If ever there was a cue to leave a reunion party, Dracula just gave you it. You were never one to miss your cues, even if no one ever sees you make it.
  
  Dracula is a sick fucking bastard, and that's all there is to it.