text: [Themes: silly, culinary theme]
  
  Biff Bradclaw smoothes back his slick greasy hair one more time before posing in front of the television camera, and says:
  
  "Welcome to Episode Seven of Krakatoa Survivor Challenge! It's a gorgeous day on the tropical island of Krakatoa, not a cloud in the sky. Although there's plenty of smoke from that volcano, ha ha ha!
  
  "Our current champion" -- he points to you, applause -- "is being challenged by our newest contenders, Kari Knott, a waitress from Toledo," -- applause -- "and Russ Rohoho, a late night talk show host from Honolulu." More applause.
  
  "And the challenge is ..." Biff checks his cue card. "Hey, Kari, this should be easy for you. The challenge is to make a tuna melt sandwich from the native materials on the island! Find some tuna, cheese, and bread, put 'em together and cook it, then bring it back to the camp! Whoever brings their sandwich back first, wins!"
  
  (and before you ask, it took me closer to two days to write, not two hours)
  
  "Challenge" Camp
  The "Challenge" camp is set up just north of Krakatoa's southern lagoon. Deep forest separates you from the smoking volcano to the north, and other paths lead west, northwest, northeast, and east.
  
  You can see Russ, Kari and Biff here.
  
  [Author's Note: An interactive cookin' disaster. Twelve locations.]
  
  > look at Russ
  Russ Rohoho is an attractive forty-something with his Hawaiian and Italian mixed heritage. His late night talk show, "Luau Fever", is supposedly very popular in Hawaii, but of course he'd say that.
  
  Kari whispers a question to Biff, who shakes his head.
  
  Russ looks at you suspiciously.
  
  > look at Kari
  Kari Knott is a moderately attractive dirty-blonde girl from Toledo, Ohio. Although she's only 23, she's already got that bleary-eyed look from working too many late night shifts at Pepe's Diner.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  Kari whispers a question to Biff, who shakes his head.
  
  Russ takes the northwest path.
  
  > About yourself
  You're the current champion of "Krakatoa Survivor Challenge", and if you want to remain champion, you need to make a tuna melt sandwich as quickly as possible and bring it back to camp.
  
  There's a brief tremor, then it passes.
  
  Kari heads south to the lagoon.
  
  > look at Biff
  Biff Bradclaw is the ever-smiling host of the show, and has the blackest, greasiest hair you've ever seen. Eeww. You can't imagine what the girls back home see in him; he's such an obvious phony.
  
  Russ emerges from the forest to the north.
  
  > Go east
  Nice sandy beach. Shame you don't have time to just sit down and enjoy it.
  
  Someone has discarded a bag of popcorn here.
  
  > look at the popcorn
  It's a half-eaten bag of popcorn.
  
  There's a brief tremor, then it passes.
  
  > take it
  Taken.
  
  > go to the west
  "Challenge" Camp
  The "Challenge" camp is set up just north of Krakatoa's southern lagoon. Deep forest separates you from the smoking volcano to the north, and other paths lead west, northwest, northeast, and east.
  
  You can see Biff here.
  
  Kari emerges from the forest to the north.
  
  > Go south
  This natural lagoon is a perfect place for fishing. You wish your friend Harley was here. Harley loved to go fishing with you when you were kids. The camp is visible to the north, and the beach extends west and east, and of course the ocean fills your view south, all the way to the horizon.
  
  > examine the ocean
  The water is clear as clear can be. You can even see some tuna fish swimming in its depths.
  
  You hear a monkey chittering somewhere nearby.
  
  Kari wanders in from the east.
  
  > Go inside
  You can't go that way.
  
  Kari looks in the lagoon with interest.
  
  > catch the fish
  You'll have to tell me how to do that.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  Suddenly, Kari stabs a long pointy fish into the water, and snares a fish! She looks rather pleased with herself.
  
  > take the fish
  You can't just take the fish from the lagoon! You have to catch one, somehow.
  
  Kari heads back to camp.
  
  > Go north
  "Challenge" Camp
  The "Challenge" camp is set up just north of Krakatoa's southern lagoon. Deep forest separates you from the smoking volcano to the north, and other paths lead west, northwest, northeast, and east.
  
  You can see Kari and Biff here.
  
  The volcano noisily belches more smoke into the air.
  
  Kari looks at you suspiciously.
  
  > go west
  A grassy meadow covers this corner of the island. That seems plausible, right? At any rate, several sheep and cows are here, taking advantage of the grass and eating their full. Hills are to the north, towards the volcano, and the camp lies east.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  > Milk cow
  Pumping vigourously, you fill... wait a minute. What are you putting this milk in?
  
  You hear a monkey chittering somewhere nearby.
  
  > look at the bag
  It's a half-eaten bag of popcorn.
  
  > eat the popcorn
  You're not that hungry. And it's probably stale.
  
  > examine the bag
  It's a half-eaten bag of popcorn.
  
  A parrot squawks as it flies overhead. Beautiful plumage.
  
  > get the cow
  I don't suppose the cows and sheep would care for that.
  
  The volcano noisily belches more smoke into the air.
  
  > Go north
  "Challenge" Camp
  The "Challenge" camp is set up just north of Krakatoa's southern lagoon. Deep forest separates you from the smoking volcano to the north, and other paths lead west, northwest, northeast, and east.
  
  You can see Russ and Biff here.
  
  A parrot squawks as it flies overhead. Beautiful plumage.
  
  Russ heads south to the lagoon.
  
  > go to the north-east
  A sparse looking village, but the "El Bakery" on the north side looks most interesting to you. Forest shades the village from the west, and paths lead southwest and south.
  
  In the center of the village is a cannon.
  
  Attached to the back end of the cannon is a mysterious black box.
  
  Some litterbug has left a gigantic pop bottle here.
  
  A parrot squawks as it flies overhead. Beautiful plumage.
  
  > take the pop bottle
  Taken.
  
  > examine it
  It's one of those new five liter pop bottles. For when you're really really thristy.The five liter bottle is empty.
  
  > examine the cannon
  The heavy iron cannon is a relic from history, once used to repel pirates from Krakatoa's shores. Its muzzle points up and east over the ocean, but it's not empty. There's a bamboo structure inside it.
  
  > examine the structure
  It's hard to believe, but that's a tiny bamboo rocketship stuck in the muzzle of the cannon, large enough to launch a monkey far over the ocean. Is this what they do for fun around here? Jesus.
  
  > get the structure
  That's fixed in place.
  
  > look at the structure
  It's hard to believe, but that's a tiny bamboo rocketship stuck in the muzzle of the cannon, large enough to launch a monkey far over the ocean. Is this what they do for fun around here? Jesus.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  > look at the box
  It's a mysterious black box all right. The only clue to what it is are the words "Frobozz Magic Mini Nuke" in bright yellow letters on the top.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  > open the box
  The black box opens easily. In the black box is a glowing green crystal.
  
  > take it
  That's fixed in place.
  
  There's a brief tremor, then it passes.
  
  > take the crystal
  Taken.
  
  A parrot squawks as it flies overhead. Beautiful plumage.
  
  > examine the crystal
  It's a crystal. It's glowing and green. I dunno what it is. Kryptonite? (yeah, right)
  
  > examine the cannon
  The heavy iron cannon is a relic from history, once used to repel pirates from Krakatoa's shores. Its muzzle points up and east over the ocean, but it's not empty. There's a bamboo structure inside it.
  
  > Light cannon
  This dangerous act would achieve little.
  
  The volcano noisily belches more smoke into the air.
  
  > turn the cannon on
  That's not something you can switch.
  
  You hear a monkey chittering somewhere nearby.
  
  > go to the north
  You've entered the best bakery on Krakatoa. The only bakery on Krakatoa. There's a sign on the wall, and the exit is south.
  
  The baker is here, hoping you'll buy some bread.
  
  In one corner of the bakery, a baby is sleeping, nestled in blankets.
  
  You can also see a baguette here.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a five liter bottle (which is empty)
  a bag of popcorn
  
  > eat baby
  (first taking baby)
  I don't suppose baby would care for that.
  
  The ground shakes, slightly.
  
  > buy the bread
  You buy a nice baguette.
  
  > examine the baguette
  It's a baguette, a nice loaf of bread for a nice sandwich, and one of the ingredients you'll need for your tuna melt.
  
  You hear a monkey chittering somewhere nearby.
  
  > wake baby
  No one is asleep.
  
  There's a brief tremor, then it passes.
  
  > examine the baker
  The baker is wearing a strange green tropical outfit. You can tell it's tropical by the large sun emblem on his chest. He's also wearing a headband instead of the expected chef's hat.
  
  A parrot squawks as it flies overhead. Beautiful plumage.