text: [Themes: Humor]
  
  > O unmentionable
  You add an unmentionable to the end of the set of pipes, and lash it into place.
  
  > put the unmentionable in the inkwell
  You swirl the unmentionable in the inkwell, giving it a dose of the black and tarry.
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  You are carrying:
  an inked unmentionable
  four unmentionables
  a gold chain
  a plate of food
  a toothpick
  a cup
  a heavily-smoking torch (providing light)
  a well-tailored chiton (being worn)
  
  > examine the fireplace
  This fireplace has a few sad pieces of wood stacked together, with a flint lying on the hearth.
  
  > examine the wood
  A teetering stack of charred firewood (you try to reuse things when you can).
  
  > look at the bed
  You went all-out on your bed, from the gilded frame to the nice, plump mattress. Now that you think of it, you've woken up with a backache these last few mornings -- though that's the least of your problems at the moment.
  
  > look at the mattress
  Your downy mattress has been feeling a bit lumpy of late.
  
  > open it
  Oh, hello! Now you see why your nightly dormition has been rather more ache-inducing of late -- somehow your scale model of the Trojan Horse wound up under your mattress.
  
  > put the unmentionable in Horse
  Yours is a struggle worthy of Homer's tongue -- perhaps it could be slotted into the Iliad in place of some of the sulking? -- but eventually you are able to cram the unmentionable inside the replica.
  
  "Citizen, did you hear me?" the magistrate calls through the door.
  His tone is polite, but you've been on the wrong side of enough judicial proceedings to know an act when you hear one. "If you don't open the door, I will have to consider taking more drastic measures."
  
  > put the unmentionable in the mattress
  You cram an unmentionable under your mattress.
  
  > look at the chest
  Your closed clothes-chest.
  
  > Open chest
  You pop open your chest, and are surprised to find, supernumerary to the typical freight of clothing, two unmentionables rolling around amidst the garments. Machon notices your confusion, and slaps his forehead: "That's right, there were too many of them to carry, so I stowed the extras in your chest. I really apologize!"
  
  > take the unmentionables from the chest
  unmentionable: Taken.
  unmentionable: Taken.
  
  > examine the clothing
  Your man thinks you have too many clothes, but you pay for his services, not his opinions. Admittedly, your togs do make up a rather good pile, but there are still some substantial gaps in your wardrobe -- you've had your eye on this white mess-jacket down at your tailor's....
  
  > look at the window
  Your window looks out on a nice, quiet alley.
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  You are carrying:
  four unmentionables
  a flint
  an inked unmentionable
  a gold chain
  a plate of food
  a toothpick
  a cup
  a heavily-smoking torch (providing light)
  a well-tailored chiton (being worn)
  
  > examine inked
  You'd really prefer not to get into details here, but each unmentionable thingy -- that might be a more pleasant nickname, "thingy" -- used to be attached to a herm. Now that it's detached, it's a little less clear what it used to be and a nearsighted or very innocent person might just think it's a small stone cylinder? This one has ink smeared on one end.
  
  > put inked on the shelf
  Leaving an unmentionable lying around in the open seems rather the opposite of concealing it, and while there can be a pleasant frisson from contradicting what's expected, you're less enthusiastic about the kind of contradiction that gets you hauled into the law-courts.
  
  Machon suddenly gets a quizzical look on his face. "Say, I think I had one more of those broken bits I forget to give you." Sure enough, he pulls out one more unmentionable and hands it to you. "There you are!"
  
  > look under the bed
  You discover an unmentionable! Of course, that's not terribly surprising inasmuch as you hid it there.
  
  > check your inventory
  You are carrying:
  five unmentionables
  a flint
  an inked unmentionable
  a gold chain
  a plate of food
  a toothpick
  a cup
  a heavily-smoking torch (providing light)
  a well-tailored chiton (being worn)
  
  > examine the thingy
  You'd really prefer not to get into details here, but each unmentionable thingy -- that might be a more pleasant nickname, "thingy" -- used to be attached to a herm. Now that it's detached, it's a little less clear what it used to be and a nearsighted or very innocent person might just think it's a small stone cylinder?
  
  > throw the thingy out the window
  After quickly checking to make sure nobody is looking, you drop an unmentionable out the window. It hits the ground with a rather loud clatter, but that's the least of your problems right now.
  
  "All right, if that's the way you like it," yells the magistrate.
  "Let them have it, boys!" There's a rather loud crash as some uncalled-for force is brought to bear against your door. It's holding for now, but you worry your landlord isn't going to be best pleased with any more damage to the premises.
  
  > put inked in the fireplace
  You slide an inked unmentionable into the stack of firewood -- it teeters for a moment, but stays in place.
  
  > put the thingy in the firewood
  You slide an unmentionable into the stack of firewood -- it teeters for a moment, but stays in place. Nonetheless, since the wood is quite charred and the pale stone is unblemished, you might say the unmentionable is in the stack but not of it.
  
  > look at the paper
  A blank sheet of paper, standing ready in case inspiration strikes.
  
  > look at the floor
  Your floor is both unexceptional and unexceptionable.
  
  > examine the walls
  There's a patch of wall that will be right behind the door when it opens.
  
  > put the thingy in the patch
  You carefully place an unmentionable in the spot right behind where the door will open -- with any luck they'll never notice what they never noticed!
  
  Alky winces as the door absorbs another solid blow. "Say, fellows, you've made your point," he calls. "If you bring your sister, I promise I'll make an honest woman out of her!" Alky flashes you a grin, as this throws them into confusion.
  
  "Is this a fornication? I thought we were here about the herms," you hear a peevish voice ask. There's more hubbub as they try to sort this out.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying:
  two unmentionables
  a flint
  a gold chain
  a plate of food
  a toothpick
  a cup
  a heavily-smoking torch (providing light)
  a well-tailored chiton (being worn)
  
  > put the thingy in the clothes
  You slip an unmentionable into the stack.
  
  > Close chest
  You close the chest.
  
  > put the thingy under the mattress
  You're willing to make some sacrifices, but a second unmentionable would compromise your night-time comfort too thoroughly to contemplate.
  
  The blokes outside have stopped pummeling your door, as Alky's stratagem has left them flummoxed. But then a clear voice cuts across the din: "Wait, was that Alcibiades? The rotter actually did seduce my sister, and I bet he did for the herms, too!" The wronged brother hurls himself against the door again, and the siege resumes.
  
  > look at the shelf
  This shelf came with the room, and doesn't get much use. It's currently quite bare.
  
  > put Horse on the shelf
  (first taking the Trojan Horse replica)
  You put the Trojan Horse replica down on the shelf, making a nice little display.
  
  The blokes outside have stopped pummeling your door, as Alky's stratagem has left them flummoxed. But then a clear voice cuts across the din: "Wait, was that Alcibiades? The rotter actually did seduce my sister, and I bet he did for the herms, too!" The wronged brother hurls himself against the door again, and the siege resumes.
  
  > look at Machon
  It's a nice thing that your cousin is rather full-figured, as he's putting his considerable gravitas into keeping the door closed.
  
  > examine puffy
  Puffy is doing what he can to hold the door closed, albeit with somewhat less enthusiasm than Alky or Machon.
  
  > examine the door
  Alky, Puffy, and Machon are doing their best to keep the door closed under the blows of the magistrate and his flunkies, but it's clearly a losing battle. Beyond the current excitement, there's not much to say about it other than that it opens to the right -- you had to move your writing desk to the other side because you kept knocking your inkwell over when throwing the door open. You've secreted an unmentionable away behind it.
  
  > check your inventory
  You are carrying:
  a flint
  a gold chain
  a plate of food
  a toothpick
  a cup
  a heavily-smoking torch (providing light)
  a well-tailored chiton (being worn)
  
  > open the door
  There's currently a makeshift barricade obstructing your door, but if you did want to speed things along, you suppose you could dislodge it. Do you want to make this whole nightmare end that much sooner?