text: > Look around
  On Frozen Pond, in the tub
  
  You're on a frozen pond covered by a thin layer of frost. There is a hole in the ice.
  
  > pull the plug
  The water, slowly at first, begins to swirl toward the plug, creating a whirl of water so loud that it's nightmarish. You close your eyes and cover your ears and when you hear the last loud slurp you find yourself standing again.
  
  The mermaid, having been warmed by the dip in the hot tub, and freed of the entanglement of the fishing line, appears ready to brave the frigid waters for a long swim to warmer regions. She hyperventilates for a few moments and braces herself with a frenetic self-hug, stopping to give you a smile with her thin lips.
  
  She bids farewell, and slips back into the frigid water, causing a little plop of water as her tail fin disappears beneath the surface.
  
  Congratulations. You have been nimble and you have been quick. Punster will from here on out enjoy better relations with its northern neighbor, Jackville. The Citizen's Action Committee does hereby confer upon you the title of Jackster.
  
  You now have the opportunity to do one of the following:
  
  >Eat your Words
  >Act the Part
  >Visit the Manor of Speaking
  >Shake a Tower
  >Meet the Mayor
  
  > act the the part
  The foremost star of stage and scream in Punster, Brad Watkins, has left behind our small-town difficulties in search of fame and fortune beyond the purple horizon. We of course wish him the very worst of luck. It has been very dashing of you to take the stage in his absence. With the proper make-up applied, you're a side-splitting image.
  
  Glaring bright lights bake down upon the stage.
  
  The living room of your apartment is furnished in the drab period style of the 1950's situation comedy. Luckily, there's not much furniture on the set for you to bump into. However, one brass lamp with a rather ostentatious lamp shade stands here. A flimsy, union-constructed front door leads out of the apartment, another door leads to the bathroom. Both are closed. Your kitchen is at the other side of the stage.
  
  Your favorite chair sits here facing the television.
  
  You hear a man's voice from the other side of your front door. "Knock knock."
  
  > Who's there
  "Bob."
  
  > Who's there
  Good question.
  
  > Bob who
  "Ba ba ba, ba ba ba-ran...."
  
  The door swings open and in walks your irrepressible, long-lost ("but not long enough") brother-in-law Bob. "Howdy, Sammy! Just flew in from Pittsburgh. Boy are my arms tired," he says, flapping and smiling goonily. Bob extends his hand to you in greeting...
  
  > shake the hand
  Bob enthusiastically grabs your hand in greeting.
  
  "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"
  
  It feels like you are shaking hands with a Hoover Dam generator, as the mega-voltages of power surging into the palm of your hand cause your entire body to writhe.
  
  Bob doubles himself over with knee-slapping, gasping laughter. "I guess I got you that time, eh?" he says, flashing you the joy buzzer in his palm, and then skates into the kitchen.
  
  > Kitchen
  You walk across the stage.
  
  The kitchen suffers from the neglect so often decried by the 1950's sitcom husband in the presence of his 1950's sitcom wife.
  
  There's a bottle in front of you. Your mind echos the phrase, "a bottle in front of me," which gives you ideas...
  
  You can see a scalpel-like knife, a blue sponge and yellow rubber gloves here.
  
  Your brother-in-law Bob swings open the refrigerator door, loads himself down, shuts the fridge door with his knee, and with his movable feast shuffles back into the living room.
  
  > take all
  hot-water bottle: The hot-water bottle, which is devoid of water but puffed up with air, is squeezed and emits a rude Bronx cheer. scalpel-like knife: Taken.
  yellow rubber gloves: Taken.
  
  > Living room
  You walk across the stage.
  
  Well, it seems that Bob has already taken the liberty of moving the lamp away from his TV viewing area and over near the kitchen entrance, where you now have the misfortune of tripping over the cord from the lamp.
  
  You take a pratfall, landing heavily on the floor to the beat of a bass drum, and then a rim shot. The crowd loves it.
  
  Meanwhile, the live wire, ripped from the lamp but still plugged into the wall, snakes around the floor, spitting sparks out of the end that was torn from the lamp.
  
  Bob, who is kicking back on your favorite chair, is too engrossed with the TV to notice any of this.
  
  Glaring bright lights bake down upon the stage.
  
  The living room of your apartment is furnished in the drab period style of the 1950's situation comedy. Luckily, there's not much furniture on the set for you to bump into. However, one brass lamp with a rather ostentatious lamp shade stands here. A flimsy, union-constructed front door leads out of the apartment, another door leads to the bathroom. Both are closed. Your kitchen is at the other side of the stage.
  
  An electrical cord is plugged into the wall, the other end having been torn from the lamp.
  
  > take all
  electrical cord: The audience sucks in its collective breath at your bare-handedness, which gives you pause.
  lamp: You've gotta be kidding.
  lamp shade: Taken.
  
  In your nervous hand, the lamp shade's gold tassels shake, perceptible only to yourself, slightly back and forth.
  
  > wear shade
  You lower the gaudy lamp shade over your deadpan face, pretending to be part of the furniture, which is how your brother-in-law Bob has treated you. As the laughs die down, you remove the shade.
  
  > take cord
  The audience sucks in its collective breath, and you gingerly pick up the live wire, with its end resting in the palm of the glove.
  
  > take the lamp
  Never in a thousand years.
  
  > Blow in bottle
  You huff and puff until the hot-water bottle is full of hot air. Some members of the studio audience let out some anticipatory giggles.
  
  Bob says, "Hey Sammy, what is this fly doing in my soup?"
  
  > Backstroke
  The crowd eats it up.
  
  > The backstroke
  Bob gets up and marches toward the kitchen, evidently to stock up on more goodies.
  
  It looks like every other your shoulder you've ever seen.
  
  > The backstroke
  Talking to yourself is a sign of impending mental collapse.
  
  > put the bottle in the chair
  It would be visible there.
  
  > take the cushion
  Nice try.
  
  > put the bottle under the cushion
  You slip the whoopee cushion into position. The audience begins tittering.
  
  In walks the unsuspecting Bob, who is loaded down with goodies. He plops onto YOUR comfy chair.
  
  "Bbbthpppffffthppp!" The crowd howls as poor Bob nearly loses his lunch in shock.
  
  > touch the cord to bob
  Bob reflexively extends his hand...
  
  "Za za za za za za Zap!" Electrified by the experience, with his hair sticking straight out and a frightful expression stamped on his face, your brother-in-law Bob is powered willy-nilly into the air, with an involuntarily tight grip on the cord. You're holding the other end with your yellow rubber gloves, smiling calmly, as if you had a fly on the end of a string. The crowd loves it.
  
  With a yank on the cord, Bob lands in a heap back onto your chair, a little shaken but no worse for the scare.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You have an electrical cord, yellow rubber gloves (being worn), a lamp shade, a scalpel-like knife, a blue sponge and a coat (being worn).
  It seems that the coat contains a match stick.
  
  > Light match
  You scratch the match behind your left ear and it flares up.
  
  The match continues burning down.
  
  > put the match under the foot
  Somebody yelling "Fire" in the crowded theater is enough to stop you.
  
  The match continues burning down.
  
  > put the match in the hole
  As you slide the match neatly into the shoe hole, waves of knowing snickers ripple through the audience. With his eyes still glued to the television, your brother-in-law Bob tilts his head to one side, and sniffs the air twice. "I smell something burning, Sammy. You better go into the kitchen and check it Ow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wowwy!"
  
  In a blur, the hot-footed Bob leaps from the chair and performs a Hiawathan rain dance to the insistent, rhythmic beat of Indian drums.
  
  The crowd loves it.
  
  There is the final sound effect of a thunder clap in the distance, and Bob hunkers paranoically back down in your chair, staring again at the TV.
  
  You hear a woman's voice from the other side of your front door. "Knock knock."
  
  > Who's there
  "Gorilla."
  
  > Gorilla who
  "Girl of your dreams!"
  
  A lady enters the living room and, narrowing her eyes, begins sizing up the situation.
  
  > look at lady
  That's no lady, that is your wife.
  
  She walks over to Bob and consoles him as he describes what a meanee you have been.
  
  > Inventory
  You have an electrical cord, yellow rubber gloves (being worn), a lamp shade, a scalpel-like knife, a blue sponge and a coat (being worn).
  
  Bob continues telling your wife how rotten you were to him.
  
  > examine the sponge
  [Which sponge do you mean, your brother-in-law Bob or the blue sponge?]
  
  > look at the blue sponge
  There's nothing unusual about the blue sponge.
  
  She throws a tantrum and storms out, to her mother's (that's next week's episode). Bob is falling apart emotionally as well, and goes and locks himself in the bathroom.
  
  Bob stays in there several very tense minutes, without making a sound. Just when you think it's about time to call a professional, Bob's silence is suddenly broken by the words, "Knock knock."
  
  > Who's there
  "Dwayne."
  
  > Dwayne who
  "Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwownin'!"
  
  You hear a suppressed cackle from behind the bathroom door, which slowly opens to reveal the figure of your Bob, looking sheepish but with his hurt feelings mended. He shuts the door and slides back into your chair.
  
  > Who's there
  Good question.
  
  > Bob
  The crowd erupts with laughter as you seem to equate your brother-in-law Bob with a sponge.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You have an electrical cord, yellow rubber gloves (being worn), a lamp shade, a scalpel-like knife, a blue sponge and a coat (being worn).
  
  > cut the sponge
  [What do you want to cut the sponge with?]
  
  > put the coat on bob
  You'll have to remove the coat first.
  
  > take the coat
  You're already wearing the coat.
  
  > remove the coat
  You remove the coat.
  
  > Poke Bob with knife
  That'd be worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
  
  > Kitchen
  [dropping the cord first]
  
  You walk across the stage.
  
  The kitchen suffers from the neglect so often decried by the 1950's sitcom husband in the presence of his 1950's sitcom wife.
  
  > Inventory
  You have yellow rubber gloves (being worn), a lamp shade, a scalpel-like knife, a blue sponge and a coat.
  
  > open the fridge
  Opened.
  
  > Living room
  You walk across the stage.
  
  Glaring bright lights bake down upon the stage.
  
  The living room of your apartment is furnished in the drab period style of the 1950's situation comedy. Luckily, there's not much furniture on the set for you to bump into. However, one brass lamp stands here. A flimsy, union-constructed front door leads out of the apartment, another door leads to the bathroom. Both are closed. Your kitchen is at the other side of the stage.
  
  An electrical cord is plugged into the wall, the other end having been torn from the lamp.
  
  Your brother-in-law Bob is kicking back on your favorite chair, feeding his face and staring at the television. With his feet jutting out into the air, you notice a small hole at the tip of one of his much-travelled shoes.
  
  You can see a hot-water bottle here.
  
  > look at the bottle
  The hot-water bottle is empty and deflated.
  
  > give the bottle to Bob
  Briskly, your brother-in-law Bob refuses your offer.
  
  > put the bottle in the front of yourself
  Why bother?
  
  > remove the cushion
  You've gotta be kidding.