text: > Look around
  The sun is going down outside the western window, and the huge table, set for six, is aflame in the orange glow. An old portrait hangs on one wall, watching the proceedings with creepy indifference.
  
  The kitchen is back north, the den is east from here, and a narrow door leads south to the foyer.
  
  Garry leans forward with both hands on the table, staring into the grain of the wood.
  
  > Go east
  This room is well-loved by many of John's friends: from those he's brought home for the first time (because it is cozy and dimly lit) to frequent visitors (because they know there's booze in the credenza). The dining room is west; the parlor is south.
  
  Captain Miles is here, lining up a shot at the pool table.
  
  Ivan leans on his cue and regards the table with something like suspicion.
  
  Across the room, fidgiting on a bar stool, is Miss Idie.
  
  > talk to Miles
  THE WESTERN w"Oh, there you are," says Miles as you approach. "Listen, I don't know if you've decided who's sitting where for dinner. But I've been getting these real bad migraines lately."
  
  Ivan looks up from the pool table. "No kidding? I can give you something for that." He pulls a pad of paper from inside his jacket.
  
  Miles turns away from you and back toward Ivan. "Well, I don't know for sure if they're migraines. I know that I'm really sensitive to light."
  
  Ivan is already writing. "Doesn't matter. How about codeine? You seem to me like a codeine kind of guy." He looks slantways at Miles for a moment, then goes back to scribbling. "Yeah. Here you go. You can get this filled wherever."
  
  He rips off the sheet and pushes it into Miles's hand. "Thanks," Miles stutters, before he turns back to you.
  
  "In the meantime I guess, I'm just saying, I'd rather not sit in that chair that's facing the window while the sun's going down."
  
  > talk to Ivan
  WESTERN W"OhWhen Ivan sees you coming, he puts down his cue and takes you aside.
  
  "Hey. So. I figure those cards you're carrying are for deciding the seating arrangement? For dinner? Pretty fancy." It is apparent from his breath that he has figured out the secret of the credenza.
  
  "The thing is. There's two things. First thing is, that lady friend of John's. I don't want to sit next to her. She creeps me out. Second thing is, please don't put me next to..." He's started whispering, and now he cranes his head around the room.
  
  "You know who I'm talking about. She's a downer. I don't wanna sit next to her either. I don't know what Miles sees in her." He must mean Miss Idie.
  
  "I mean, I know what he sees in her. Her mother has that publishing company. And both she and her mother have mitochondrial encephalomyopathy. I mean, look at her. She's like a stick. But with the publishing company, and she's gonna die young. So I can see why Miles would want to get in on that. But that's not really an option for me. So.
  
  "Just, don't put me next to either of those women." And with that, he finally lets go of you.
  
  > talk to Idie
  DOWN OUTSIDeMiss Idie looks down at the cards in your hand. "Oh yes, there's one thing you should know. I am left-handed."
  
  She raises her left hand, by way of evidence.
  
  "If you lack experience with left-handed people, of whom there are relatively few, you may not know about the problems that arise when a left-handed person sits to the right of a right-handed person at a meal. Their elbows often bump against each other. It can be very uncomfortable. If two left-handed people sit next to each other, of course, there is no problem. However, I am the only left-handed person here this evening. I have made sure to check. So please make sure that you do not place me with anyone sitting to my left. I would prefer to have someone sitting immediately to my right. If I am made to sit neighborless at the end of a table, I feel like a pariah, excluded from the group because of my unique needs.
  
  "John, your employer, claims to be ambidextrous. However, ambidexterity is a myth. I am sure he has only really managed to use his left hand for specific tasks, and only with a great deal of training."
  
  She pauses momentarily--not to let you get a word in edgewise, but to furrow her brow. "I thought it was unusual that he would say that about himself. I find that most frivolous claims to ambidexterity are made by Orientals."
  
  Well, that certainly took a turn.
  
  > kiss idie
  DON'T LIKeKeep your mind on the game.
  
  > go south
  This is your favorite room in the house. The dÃ©cor is classy enough for guests to understand that they should avoid making a mess out of everything.
  
  This is due in large part to the magnificent oriental rug, covering most of the floor, and the delicate sabicu coffee table. Both are in an impossibly pristine condition, capable of inspiring respect from the most boorish of John's associates.
  
  John is sitting in his favorite easy chair, smiling absentmindedly.
  
  Across from him is Miss O, lounging on the couch as if it were a day bed.
  
  > talk to John
  John looks up at you and switches to a different, broader smile. "Hey, everything going smoothly? Oh, you got the place cards. You know it doesn't matter to me, but you should probably go around and see if anyone has any weird preference about how they sit down. It doesn't matter to me, though, like I said.
  
  "But, you know, Ondine here is the guest of honor, right?" (Miss O touches her collarbone: Who, me?) "So, I suppose she would
  like to be seated to the right of the host. She's a classy lady; she notices that kind of thing."
  
  You nod dutifully.
  
  > talk to Ondine
  AND THE DELICAtMiss O raises a single finger, and shuts you up before you can start talking.
  
  "Just a moment, John," she says. "Your associate needs for me to cut off our conversation for a moment. I assume it's something important."
  
  She turns to you. "Is this about the seating arrangement of the meal? I hadn't bothered to give it any thought. Hmm."
  
  She licks her lips.
  
  "I suppose I don't have any strong preferences. I'd hate for any of my silly whims to contradict those of the other guests. But don't you think John should sit at the head of the table? I suppose that goes without saying. After all, you're our gracious host, aren't you?"
  
  Miss O has directed this last sentence at John, apparently having decided she's wasted enough attention on you. You quietly step backward.
  
  > examine john
  ING.
  
  TYou've worked for John for so long that you can't decide what you think of him. Is his sarcasm grating, or is it charming? Is he really charming, or just handsome? Does he treat women like bite-sized Snickers because he loves them, or because he hates them?
  
  Then when he tilts his head, you realize: It's all confidence. He doesn't need to be handsome or charming. He's just confident.
  
  > examine the cards
  The papers are place cards, which are to be set out at the dinner table so everyone knows where to sit. The forms of the names are inconsistent: The men are "John," "Miles," "Ivan," and "Garry," but the women are "Miss Idie" and "Miss O."
  
  But that's not your problem. Your job is figuring out where to put these.
  
  > Go north
  This room is well-loved by many of John's friends: from those he's brought home for the first time (because it is cozy and dimly lit) to frequent visitors (because they know there's booze in the credenza). The dining room is west; the parlor is south.
  
  Captain Miles is here, lining up a shot at the pool table.
  
  Ivan leans on his cue and regards the table with something like suspicion.
  
  Across the room, fidgiting on a bar stool, is Miss Idie.
  
  > go west
  Dining Room
  The sun is going down outside the western window, and the huge table, set for six, is aflame in the orange glow. An old portrait hangs on one wall, watching the proceedings with creepy indifference.
  
  The kitchen is back north, the den is east from here, and a narrow door leads south to the foyer.
  
  Garry leans forward with both hands on the table, staring into the grain of the wood.
  
  Suddenly you hear someone pounding on the front door, with the force and frequency of a lumberjack chopping at a tree trunk. Garry almost jumps out of his skin. "They're coming after me!" he squeaks.
  
  You turn to answer the visitor, but through the narrow door you see John jumping up to beat you to it. You listen carefully for who it might be, but you can only barely hear John:
  
  "Well, hello! Whoa, that's a cold handshake. I didn't expect you! I mean, I didn't expect you this late. Everyone else is already here. But I should have forseen you'd have trouble with transportation. Whatever. Come on in."
  
  You hear a crunching sound.
  
  > Turn table
  It walks in through the narrow door, stooping its head, sending splinters flying from the frame. It lifts its head (it looks at you) and almost touches the ceiling. It looks at Garry. Garry falls to his knees.
  
  John grins. "Let me introduce you. Peter, this is my friend Garry. Garry, this is Peter. You remember Peter? Peter whose daughter I boned?"
  
  Garry whimpers. John laughs.
  
  "Anyway, he died, and this is a statue of him. He got up and walked here! Tell him why you're here, Pete."
  
  The statue rumbles: ## Because you invited me.
  
  "Yeah! I invited the statue to dinner! And he showed up!" John raises his hands in the air and smirks triumphantly. He is not nearly as bothered by this situation as he should be.
  
  > go south
  M John stops you. "The cellar is through here," he says, pushing you into the kitchen.
  
  The kitchen, with all its drawers, its cupboards, its sinks and ovens, constitutes Chucky's domain, and he guards it jealously. Usually you use it only as a conduit between the dining room (south) and the tunnel to the cellar (down the stairs).
  
  Of course, working in here is part of your job, so you and Chucky have a deal worked out. The deal is: You do not touch anything.
  
  Chucky busies himself with some arcane cooking implements.
  
  > look at the key
  This "key" is supposed to "unlock" the wine cellar. It is useless. The fiddly piece at the end is too big to fit in any keyhole; the flat piece at the other end is engraved with three symbols: A "female" sign (a circle with a cross sticking out of it), a curvy number 4, and a little devil's trident. They are the astronomical symbols for Venus, Jupiter, and Neptune. In that order. Venus Jupiter Neptune.