text: [Themes: modern, true story]
  
  Once again, you reach the lands of Cystia, but damn have the sewers gone to hell! There seems to have been a surge of rat and beast people down here in general. The rat-men seem to have think the villains sent you down there to attack them, and the rest are just taking advantage of the opportunity.
  
  You try to be as sneaky as possible, snacking on a couple unfortunates to keep up your strength. The rats are dumb, which works in your favor, but they seem to have riled up the guards. It takes days to sneak past the patrols and fenced off portions of the sewers, they have this shit on lock down!
  
  You finally are within range of the castle. The guards are heavy over here, but it seems that the beast people have breached their defenses where it counts. Their sheer numbers are not helping things either. Among all the chaos, a group of three stand out to you.
  
  The first, some kind of bad ass with a Viking helmet and twin axes, and the most epic beard in history. He tears into the scum, giving them what for.
  
  The second, tall and wearing some kind of silver armor, wields a mighty mace. The coiling engraved designs on his armor serve no real purpose, but they look cool. His helmet designed to reflect all but the most serious blows, the visor itself appearing as the face of a snake. The fangs protruding on either end, and the large gaping mouth offering him a place to see the battle from.
  
  The third is a true terror, causing some of the beast people to visibly shake in fear as they try to withstand his awesome power. His odd shaped helmet coming around to form a beak of some sort, he swings his mighty hammer. Sending multiple beast people flying at a time, every hit causing some king of magic spark.
  
  The random guards standing around them try to stay out of their way other than making sure the beast people don't surround them. There are even some demons here, presumably from Karstark's little territory.
  
  You watch all the chaos, eventually (and painstakingly slow) make your way closer, hiding in the shadows. Close enough to hear the trio talking amidst the chaos. Some Fox boi hops forward, nicking the Viking's exposed flesh. But the one with the snake armor makes the fox regret it, pummeling him down to a pulp.
  
  "Don't die on us!" hammer says, "you still gotta finish Bucky's contest!"
  
  "That's right...I do," the Viking says staring blankly at the floor, "that's a lot of writing...."
  
  The Viking looks at his two companions, "Remember me." He roars and bursts forth, the hammer tries to grab onto him but it's too late. In a twirling rage he slices and chops his way through the hordes, taking several injuries as he goes.
  
  "Romulus! Nooo!" the hammer cries out.
  
  Within moments the one known as Romulus goes down in his glorious Viking fury. Even the hordes of beast people proved too much.
  
  Wait...Romulus? You know him, and the other two?
  
  You squint your pie eyes, ahh yes. You wouldn't recognize them in this get up, but now you're sure who they are. The one with the hammer...that's definitely Berka, doubtful he would let someone borrow his hammer to smite the hordes.
  
  And the snake armor....Steve! Who else could it be?
  
  > Infiltrate
  You slither away from the fight, attacking now would be suicide. Fortunately you manage to sneak your way into the castle, finding one of the many hidden avenues allowing entrance.
  
  Now having infiltrated you must wait...
  
  Hours later, you see an exhausted group of armored people leaving the sewers, leaving some guards to watch the barricaded entryway. Steve seems to separate from the group, and from the shadows you follow him. He walks through some nondescript door, and you wait for what seems like an eternity.
  
  Eventually he comes out, all cleaned up and in a tuxedo? You shrug this off, as you do not care why Steve would wear a most ridiculous thing. He walks down a hall, making his way toward...the dungeons.
  
  Not surprisingly he enters the cave and continues...perfect, you can get Steve and Malk in one attack!
  
  You are sad to find that the fire is burnt out, and that Malk is nowhere to be present. Steve hops into the boat and rows it down through the cave system. You slither into the waters, knowing you'll be able to keep up just fine.
  
  Through muffled waters you hear Steve singing some kind of sailor shanties, but you don't care, not that you can hear anyways.
  
  Your only thought right now is of sweet, sweet revenge!
  
  > Revenge of Pie
  Steve pulls the boat up onto the floor of the cave, wiping his brow with his arm, he lights another torch and walks into the darkness. You are quick to follow, sticking to the shadows, your tentacles practically trembling with....anticipation...
  
  Shuddering, you can't contain yourself...your tentacle just has to be inside him!
  
  Making some questionable sounds, you fling yourself forward. Steve looks behind him just in time to dodge by tripping over his own foot and then stumbling away. You pursue him like some horror movie freak, until finally you find yourself in a clearing.
  
  A semi circle of people in maroon robes stop mid chant and all just stare at you.
  
  "Help!" Steve shouts to them, "this freaky thing is after me!"
  
  They start to grab some weapons when the runes they are standing around begin to glow. They glow and magic slowly seeps out of them, and gathers into an orb of energy above them. It slams directly into you, piercing through every fiber of your being. Screams not of this universe ring in your weird pie ears, ripping your mind and gnawing at the very essence of your soul.
  
  The cultists all stand, mouths gaping in shock, before they all kneel down in front of you.
  
  "What are you doing?" Steve says, "kill it!"
  
  The apparent leader of the cultists smiles from under his hood.
  
  "Can't you see Steve," he says, "this is the immortal being we've been trying to summon, and it seems that it wants you as the sacrifice."
  
  Steve shudders as the cultists surround him, kicking the back of his knee and forcing him down. Your quarry sits on his knees, while the lead cultist draws a wicked silver dagger. Holding it dangerously close to Steve's neck, but not quite at his throat.
  
  Steve starts to sweat profusely as the cultist waves the knife around like a butcher with a meat cleaver.
  
  "Oh, Immortal One," the cultist says, "may I have the honor of preparing the sacrifice for you?"
  
  > Yes
  The cultist sighs, and gives Steve an empathetic pat on the shoulder.
  
  "Sorry, this is just the way it has to be sometimes," he says, "you're doing your lord a great service."
  
  The knife flutters in his hand, a large glob of sweat dropping off Steve's chin. In a moment his mouth engulfs the cultists hand, he grabs the knife from his hand and twists the lead cultists arm, throwing him over his shoulder.
  
  He spins and tackles two of the others in a whirlwind, managing to roll away before the others can grab him. The lead cultist nurses his arm and hand, while one of the guys who was tackled rips the dagger out of his unfortunate friend.
  
  You slither your way forward, while the lead cultist barks orders at the others who try and fail miserably to catch Steve. He climbs around the large altar, dipping and dodging as he tries to make his escape. Luckily you should be able to climb faster with your tentacles...your smirk.
  
  You spring forth and up, nearly catching up to him when he ducks into...a secret tunnel.
  
  > Secret Tunnel
  You bounce through the tunnel, almost catching up to Steve. He barely dodges your tentacles, as they get erect and come right at him.
  
  Steve slides to a stop, nearly falling off the cliff face. He makes an attempt to climb off to the side, but you finally push your large, thick, tentacle pushing into his flesh. Steve cries in agony as the tentacle jams through his shoulder.
  
  He rips it out and makes a run for it, but you whip him in the back of the head, he falls. As you stand (ha! not really because you're a fat pie) you prepare the final blow.
  
  As you lash, Steve rolls out of the way, his hand gripping the ledge. He grunts and tries to pull himself up, but you coil your tentacle around his wrist. You slowly lift him up, and grin as you lick his lips. Steve stares in horror as you open your gaping maw and pull him ever closer-
  
  You taste literal shit as his foot slams into your face, you almost fall over, and Steve falls from your view. But you feel something pulling down on one of your tentacles.
  
  Looking down the precipice, you see Steve dangling onto your tentacle, his shoulder now bleeding profusely.
  
  You lash a tentacle down, slamming him face first into the rock face.
  
  "Argh shit..." Steve says, "fuck yourself you giant fucking cunt"
  
  You gaze down at Steve's broken and bloody nose, and let go. He falls screaming as he disappears into the abyss.
  
  You grin, you couldn't eat him, but you'll rest easy knowing you have your revenge.
  
  Now...for Malk.
  
  > Malk
  Now for the final bit of your vengeance. Now with superior confidence, you roam the halls of the villain lair.
  
  The slits of the window let in bright rays. The night, now having turned to day, does nothing to dissipate the horror to come. Barging into the keep, you look around with your weird pie eyes.
  
  With your weird pie hand you point, slowly and creepily to Malk.
  
  "Maaaaaalk..." you say.
  
  Half the villains at the table stand up in surprise and shock at the weird freakish abomination before them. Malk's face turns white as he stares at you.
  
  "Y-you," Malk says, "hey Ford, what's up buddy?"
  
  Just as he says, this, a dark figure enters the room. Cold shivers run through your body, he must have heard the last part of Malk's sentence because he face palms.
  
  "What the FUCK!?" he says, "who the hell turned Ford into a pie?"
  
  Malk is about to speak when he is cut off.
  
  "Fuck it!" he says, "I don't even want to know why or how, deal with your own mess."
  
  The Lordy of the End goes and stands on the other side of the room, where he starts poking a zombie with a stick.
  
  You growl like a rabid cunt and leap after Malk, he manages to dodge out of the way as you crash through the table.
  
  "Malk," you say, "just deal with your consequences...I'll have my reveeeeenge!"
  
  Your hoarse voice carries across the room. And you charge forward, the villains try to dodge or get in your way. They all face the consequences and suffer dearly, you lash out at all of them.
  
  "REEEE" one cries out in pain as you throw him into a chair.
  
  As you push one lady around, a rooster jumps to her defense, but you devour it like the filthy animal you are.
  
  "Holy shit," the Bringer of Cold says, "relax, man!"
  
  You ignore the most dangerous guy in the room and keep attacking. You try to get to Malk, but he grabs a couple of axes from some chest, and tries to muster up his berserker rage.
  
  You slam your tentacles into Malk, slashing and gashing him, before tossing him to the ground. His axes clatter to the floor as you slowly push one tentacle into his leg, enjoying his cries of pain.
  
  You lift your weird hand, but in a flash of silver it falls to the floor. Your mouth quivers as pain shoots through you.
  
  Standing near....is no one else but Steve! His shoulder and face fucked up, and his leg twisted awkwardly.
  
  "That fall...wasn't...as big as it looked..." Steve almost crumples to the floor in pain.
  
  A darkness clouds the room, the slender Lord of Death makes his way over, his wicked blade in hand. Nethernear flashes as it is hungry for souls.
  
  You have no choice, you need a hostage.
  
  > Steve
  You use your tentacles to drag Steve off the floor, and hold him up.
  
  The dark robed man shrugs his shoulders and tosses the sword, which Steve actually catches in his condition. He screams and arcs it over his head, burying it into the top of your pie body.
  
  Pain shoots through you...and you feel your soul being sucked right out of you. The last thing you see as it all fades to black is Steve falling, and laughing in relief as he tries to nurse his leg.