text: > look around
  One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is
  an open door.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine.
  
  > examine the duck
  It's too far away for you to tell, but it appears to be staring at you in an unsettling way.
  
  > look at telephone
  It's a pink telephone with yellow flowers painted on it. It's quite... stylish? As you stare at it, the thought occurs to you that it might
  be a good idea to call someone.
  
  In fact, there are plenty of people you could call. You have their numbers memorized by heart, as a matter of fact. You could contact...
  
  1) the police
  2) the local hospital
  3) your aunt
  4) the head of Inhuman Resources
  5) the ACME Corporation
  6) the nearest pizzeria
  7) the nearest Pest Control unit
  8) the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories
  9) Gary Larson
  
  > 9
  [Gary Larson]
  
  You get only an answerphone. "Gary Larson is on holiday in Africa, being bullied by Jane Goodall's chimps. Please call back another
  time."
  
  One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is
  an open door.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine.
  
  > examine the cityscape
  New Dork City stretches out before you in its full glory. But what interests you most of all is the building opposite the one you're currently in: the ACME Corporation's newest skycraper.
  
  > examine the shirt
  It's covered in squid ink stains (don't ask why). You feel something heavy in your breast pocket, and it's definitely not your heart.
  
  > look at ACME
  You glance at it through the glass window, and shudder. The duck is there, peering out through an office window, staring at you through caricatural binoculars.
  
  > examine the pocket
  You squint and squirm, but conclude that the only way to find out what's inside is to boldly go forth and SEARCH it.
  
  > search pocket
  In the breast pocket is a portable squid.
  
  > get the squid
  Taken.
  
  > get the squid
  You already have that.
  
  > examine it
  It's an extremely tiny, adorable little squid about the size of a fountain pen. Every now and then, it makes cute squid noises.
  
  > squeeze the squid
  You squeeze the squid gently, and before you know it it squirts ink
  all over your face! Instant karma, indeed.
  
  > look at the wall
  It's made of glass.
  
  > look at telephone
  It's a pink telephone with yellow flowers painted on it. It's quite... stylish? As you stare at it, the thought occurs to you that it might
  be a good idea to call someone.
  
  In fact, there are plenty of people you could call. You have their numbers memorized by heart, as a matter of fact. You could contact...
  
  1) the police
  2) the local hospital
  3) your aunt
  4) the head of Inhuman Resources
  5) the ACME Corporation
  6) the nearest pizzeria
  7) the nearest Pest Control unit
  8) the Society for the Care and Protection of Conspiracy Theories
  9) Gary Larson
  
  > 5
  [the ACME Corporation]
  
  After several minutes of mildly annoying music, you finally get a response:
  
  "Hello, how may I help you?"
  
  "Um, I'm not sure..."
  
  "That's not a problem at all. We cater to all needs: the Clown Department is on the first floor, the Jungle Department on the second floor, the Toothpick Department is on the third floor, bananas are plentiful on the fourth floor, we have fire and brimstone on the fifth floor, doughnuts on the seventh floor, unspeakable things on the
  eighth floor, anachronistic but potentially useful duck-killing
  weapons on the ninth floor, and if you like ice-cream you can always
  go to the tenth floor. Please keep in mind, however, that before entering the elevator you will be stripped of all suspicious
  belongings by our diligent Security Brigade."
  
  "Thanks, but what I really wanted to know is: have you seen a duck, anywhere?
  
  "I am not at liberty to say," the receptionnist replies
  apologetically. The conversation ends soon afterwards.
  
  One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is
  an open door.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine.
  
  > go south
  The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important.
  
  A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east.
  
  > go east
  Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine.
  
  On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy.
  
  Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine.
  
  A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that
  it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine.
  
  > look at the poster
  It advertises the latest action movie: FLY HARD, with Braaawk Willis playing a daredevil chicken cop facing off against Alan Cricketman's stereotypically six-legged (and German!) baddie. The poster shows the main character jumping off an exploding skyscraper with a (live) electric wire tied around himself. The tagline reads: "Always in
  the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes and using the wrong shaving cream! BURMA SHAVE".
  
  > talk to the coffee machine
  You clear your throat, and cough. "Ahem? Mr Coffee Machine? Are you
  all right?"
  
  "I feel terrible," the coffee machine groans. "My self-esteem is down the toilet. I'm tragically misunderstood. The whole world conspires against me."
  
  1) "Okay, I'm sorry to hear that. Would it be okay if I had a cup of coffee?"
  2) "Oh, come one, it can't be that bad."
  
  > 2
  ["Oh, come one, it can't be that bad."]
  
  "Not that bad?" the coffee machine snorts bitterly. "Not that
  bad?!? God dang it, I've been working here for 65 years and I've never even been promoted! I don't even get my own office chair!
  That would be so little to ask for -- an office chair of my own, to
  sit on whenever I feel tired, a token of respect for all the coffee I've pumped out all those years! The Weiner Corporation would have NEVER been as successful as it is without MY coffee to keep their
  minds sharp and lively into the wee hours of the night!"
  
  1) "Ahem... talking about coffee... could I have some, please?"
  2) "Ahem... isn't there something you could do?"
  
  > 2
  ["Ahem... isn't there something you could do?"]
  
  "Like, I don't know... have you tried talking to a psychiatrist?" you add, patting the coffee machine on the -- for lack of a better word -- "shoulder".
  
  "Psychiatrist? I'm not mad, you idiot!" the machine retorts angrily. "This is it! I'm not going to put up with this sort of crap any more! I'm handing in my resignation! Right now, do you hear?"
  
  It hops out of the room and down the corridor at breakneck speed. Soon afterwards, to your dismay, you hear the sound of a heavy coffee machine falling down six flights of stairs in a record-breaking (and neck-breaking) 3.45 seconds.
  
  Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine.
  
  On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy.
  
  A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that
  it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine.
  
  > 1
  ["Ahem... talking about coffee... could I have some,
  please?"]
  
  "Coffee!" the machine snorts. "You want coffee? Here's your
  coffee, you selfish jerk!"
  
  For a second, it looks like the machine is going to hurl piping hot caffeine beverages at your face, but your fear prove to be unfounded, and sure enough you find yourself looking down at a cup of coffee as you hold it tentatively in one hand. The rooms falls silent once more, and your mind is irresistably drawn back to the one thing uppermost in your thoughts right now. That. Goddamn. DUCK.
  
  Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine.
  
  On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy.
  
  Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine.
  
  A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that
  it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine.
  
  > go west
  The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important.
  
  A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east.
  
  > go north
  One entire wall (the north one, as it happens) is nothing else but a great pane of glass, through which you can see the cityscape that lies outside. The office itself is sparsely furnished: it is equipped with merely a desk, a fax machine, a telephone and a cow. To the south is
  an open door.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  A long wire extends across the room, originating from the fax machine.
  
  > Go south
  The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east.
  
  > Go east
  Coffee rooms are the lungs of the Weiner Corporation, filled with caffeine to the same extent that the lungs of excessively successful businessmen are habitually filled with nicotine.
  
  The office chair stands upon its wobbly wheels, sighing slightly.
  
  On the wall, someone has carelessly pinned a poster for the latest movie blockbuster. That's clearly a violation of company policy.
  
  Lurking in the corner of the room, looking rather disgruntled, is the coffee machine.
  
  A long wire comes into the room from the west, and you perceive that
  it is connected to a plug in the wall. Why anyone thought this was necessary is rather hard to divine.
  
  The coffee machine notices that you have brought an office chair into the room! "Golly, is that for me?" it gasps.
  
  "Yup," you reply.
  
  With herethereto unsuspected nimbleness, the great lumbering caffeine-dispensing contraction hops onto the chair, whooping with delight.
  
  > talk to the Machine
  The coffee machine is in its own nirvana. Best not to engage conversation with it right now.
  
  > go west
  The corridor heads off to the east and west, and you can always choose to re-enter your office to the north, via an open door upon which your name and job have been inscribed in a decidedly shoddy fashion. There is a faint aroma in the air, but that is not important.
  
  A long wire snakes its way out from your office, and heads down the corridor to the east.
  
  > look at the door
  Upon it are the following (badly-inked) words: M. POND --
  MAILROOM
  
  > Smell
  You smell the unmistakeable smell of napalm -- uh, coffee in
  the morning, actually. It appears to be emanating (if that is the correct terminology) from the eastern side.
  
  > go to the west
  The corridor ends here, and there are stairs heading down to the west. To the east, the corridor continues in a shuffling sort of way. If you should feel the need, you may always enter the elevator which is situated (for your benefit) to the south, or else enter the storage room to the north.
  
  > go north
  This room is filled with empty boxes, of the sort used for packaging. The only obvious exit is south.
  
  On the floor is a large cardboard tube with both ends sealed.
  
  Dangling from the ceiling is a long roll of sellotape.
  
  > examine the sellotape
  Someone clearly ran out of flypaper, and decided that it would be a smart idea to use the sellotape as a substitute. The roll of sellotape is only partially unrolled, however, and dangles from the ceiling like a peculiar pendulum of insect doom.
  
  > look at the tube
  As you look closely, it wobbles a little to the left and then to the right again. There is definitely something in there... something
  alive.
  
  > Open tube
  You open the large cardboard tube, revealing a weiner dog.
  
  > examine the dog
  It looks up placidly at you, and yawns, mumbling something unintelligible about coffee in the morning.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a large cardboard tube (open)
  a weiner dog
  a cup of coffee
  a portable squid
  a pair of scissors
  a shirt
  a tie (being worn)
  
  > give the coffee to the dog
  The dog refuses. "Coffee," he mutters.
  
  > take the tape
  It's tantalizingly out of reach, as you conclude from several minutes of futile hopping up and down like an over-excited chihuahua.