text: MONDAY
  
  "... our shelters are all equipped with the latest in state of the art technology, order now and... "
  
  Click.
  
  You fell asleep watching tv again. Seems like they're playing those damn commercials all the time now. Nothing like praying upon people's fears due to recent world events.
  
  You look at the time and see that you've slept for most of the morning, but given that you're going to the circus to apply for a job you figure they will be open all night.
  
  You also check your phone and see that Bobby's been trying to reach you, but you can't let yourself get distracted today. You need to focus on your goal of becoming a clown!
  
  You take Peter's car and head towards the circus. The drive is fairly uneventful though one thing you notice is the increase in police cars and police in general. Apparently there's been some civil disturbance in multiple locations. You swear this one of the reasons why you never like leaving the basement in the first place. You hate the chaotic nature of people.
  
  But then, if you have any hope of being a clown, you're going to have to get used to dealing with crowds and people. In fact you're going to have to get used to a lot of things, but you can't let yourself get a panic attack about this. You have to go through with this.
  
  Eventually you arrive at your destination. Or at least you assume it is. Peter wasn't joking when he said it resembled a gypsy camp as opposed to a proper circus. You see a lot of little tents and some trailers, but nothing like a "big top."
  
  Most of the people here are dwarves and last time you knew there wasn't a large population of little people in your town, so you can only assume that they're part of the circus. In fact from what you can tell there aren't actually any customers, just carnies.
  
  As you wander a bit, you start getting a lot of looks, you aren't sure if they're staring at you because you're an outsider or if they're just gawking at you. Might be a bit of both. Doesn't take long before you're surrounded by a lot of the little people and you start to feel like Dorothy.
  
  "Hey goldie with the legs, what're you doing around here? We're not open yet." One of their numbers says.
  "Oh, well I wasn't here for that. I'm here because... " you take a deep breath. "I want to be a clown!"
  
  That certainly wasn't the response that they were expecting. You hear a few whispers before the one that was talking speaks again.
  
  "A clown? Heh, well I'm not sure how successful that's going to work out for you, but luckily for you the owner of this fine circus is also a clown, so you'll need to speak with him either way. He's in the tent over there. Roofie is probably still hung over so try to speak quietly."
  "Roofie?"
  "Yeah, that's his clown name...  actually it mean be his real name as well. Anyway, don't worry he's not a rapist or anything like that, he's just a drunk. In fact he's probably the most mentally stable clown that we've ever had in this circus!"
  
  Taking the dwarf's directions, you head over to Roofie's tent. The smell of booze is strong and when you enter you see a balding older man in oversized pants and suspenders sitting at a table holding his head in both hands. Beer and whiskey bottle are plentiful enough that you make yourself heard just by tripping over some.
  
  "Goddamn it, it isn't fucking showtime and nobody's been coming anyway! Leave me alone, shit!" Roofie shouts not even looking up and continuing to hold his head.
  "Uh Mr. Roofie, I was told to speak to you."
  
  Roofie turns and looks at you. A big red nose still on his face.
  
  "Huh? Wbo the hell are you? You look way too damn classy to be any whore that I'd be able to afford."
  "My name's Suzy and I want to be a clown."
  
  At this point Roofie slowly gets up from his seat kicking a few bottles aside. You continue to stand there starting to wonder if this was such a good idea.
  
  "A clown? Now why the hell would a cute blonde like you want to be a fuckin' clown. Doesn't make sense. You playin' some sort of angle honey, because I assure you I'm in no mood and I ain't got any money for you to grift anyway."
  "No, it's always been a life long dream ever since I was a little girl!" you say and then start to go into detail of how you enjoyed circus clowns and a bunch of other life story shit that doesn't really interest Roofie. In fact he's just struggling to stand up and listen right now.
  
  "Alright, alright, enough! Shit. I get it. (Sigh) Look honey I dunno what to tell you, we're not exactly the Ringling Brothers here. I'm also not exactly looking to hire and I barely keep this place running as it is."
  "Please let me be a clown! Just give me a chance!"
  "Argh, too fucking loud! Fine show me your clown stuff, just keep your voice down."
  "Clown stuff?"
  "Uh yeah, like can you juggle? A little magic maybe? Some slapstick? Do you have a character like being a hobo or something? What you think it's just easy as putting on white face make up, jumping around and laughing like an idiot?"
  "Well sort of... "
  "Sheesh. That's the kind of thinking that makes us look creepy rather than amusing. You do realize that most people hate clowns right? Doesn't help that we're constantly vilified in horror movies nowadays. Yer wastin' my time and yours if you don't even know the basics."
  
  Roofie isn't exactly inspiring your confidence in this anymore. You feel like just heading home, but can't run from this like you do with everything else, you've got no other options! You start to break down in tears.
  
  "Maybe I don't know the basics, but I'll work hard! (Sob) I'm serious about this! (Sob) I've tried to get a job everywhere else and if I don't get this, I'll get kicked out of my house! This is my last chance! (Sob)" you exclaim in between the tears.
  "Last chance? Darling, if bein' a clown is your last chance, then you've got some major problems. (Sigh) I dunno even know why I'm entertaining this save for the fact that you're easy on the eyes even without the need for alcohol and I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress. Besides if the news is any indication, we're all gonna be dead by nuclear fire soon anyway, so fuck it. All right, stop yer weepin' an maybe we can do something with you."
  
  You clear up your eyes a bit completely oblivious to Roofie's brief doomsday expectations.
  
  "So you'll help train me?"
  "Well, hopefully you'll pick up something in time, but I'm not going to bother with regular training, you're going to learn trial by fire which all good clowns do anyway. Now the greatest thing going for you is that you're cute, so I'm thinkin' we create a character for you that utilizes your, shall we say natural talent."
  "Wait, I'm not going to have my breasts exposed while wearing nothing but red clown noses on my nipples do I?" you ask with concern.
  "(Snort) Jesus girl. No, nuthin' like that." Roofie chuckles "You'll be fully clothed, though you'll still be cute lookin'. Kinda like that one girl. Y'know in the funny books? The one with that rich vigilante. Anyway, the key thing to remember is you need to act cutesy. That's going to be your character. You'll be a cute clown while all the other clowns around you hilariously fail to try to win you over, hit each other with mallets and all that sort of shit... hmmm, this is actually sounding like a pretty good skit. I'm going to go round up the others and have a run through. In the meantime there's a bunch of clown outfits in the trunk over there. Fairly certain we got a bunch of unused girly ones that should fit you. Some make up over and a mirror over there. Don't worry about getting that just right for now since I know the lighting sucks in this tent. And uh, I dunno try to practice acting demure and shy."
  
  Roofie leaves the tent and you're left realizing that you might just succeed at getting this job! You quickly go through the trunk and find some pink and black-checkered leotard thing with a mini-skirt attached around the waist. It fits and fortunately while form fitting, it isn't excessively tight, though your legs are still exposed so you put on some knee high purple striped leggings. You feel sort of vulnerable undressing in a tent that someone could just enter at any time, but fortunately there's at least a privacy-screen you can dress behind.
  
  You complete your look by putting your hair in girlish pigtails and applying a bunch of white face make up on and making your eyelashes and lips stand out with black eye liner and red lipstick.
  
  You haven't had time to practice when Roofie returns with a bunch of other men in various clown outfits. One of them is even a little person like you met out front.
  
  "Goddamn Roofie, I think I'm gonna have to rethink my plans of leaving your shitty carnival." One of them says.
  "Leave? Hell, I think I'm in love." Says another before Roofie speaks up.
  
  "Holy shit girl, I said cute clown, not harlequin seductress! You might need to tone it down in the future we're still trying to run a family show more or less. All right never mind, let's run through this and you guys TRY to remember to keep your tongues in your mouth on occasion."
  
  So you run through the routine while Roofie gives everyone directions. At first you naturally feel a little unready and uneasy what with everyone flirting with you, but soon you start to get into the swing of things. In fact it starts to come easy, you bat your eyes, give a few girlish giggles when someone slips and falls trying to give you a balloon flower and similar things.
  
  Eventually Roofie stops everyone and says the skit needs to be refined a bit, but it should work. He then tells everyone to leave since he wants speak with you privately. This seems to disappoint the others who all continue to stare at you while leaving.
  
  "Well, other than the fact that I could tell some of them were having a really hard time in not actually groping you, I'd say that went well and even you seem to have gotten into character quickly. Maybe you do have what it takes after all. You still seem a little nervous though, which sort of helped your performance, but I'd rather you remain at ease. Anything that can help with that?" Roofie asks.
  "Well its like you said, I partially felt like one of them was going to jump on me at any given time. I mean is that something I'm going to have to worry about?"
  "Nah, that won't happen. We carnies have a rule against hurting each other. I mean I won't lie that they aren't going to stare a lot at you and most likely a few are going to make crude comments, but that's about as far as it is going to go if you decide to join and stay with us."
  "You want me to join?"
  "If you're still interested, sure. I think you've got something to offer. Though like I said, I'm still not sure why someone like you would want to join a broken down circus like this one. I still think someone like you would be a model or something."
  "Well, I'm wearing an outlandish outfit, my face is all painted up and a bunch of guys are falling over themselves just to get a look at me. Seems like I'm doing the same thing as a model save for the eating disorder."
  
  Your comment causes a laugh from Roofie.
  
  "Ha ha! That's pretty good. I think I'm making the right decision. Okay, so about your sleeping arrangements, I might have to re-arrange some folks and that's always going to cause problems, so you might have to sleep in your car for tonight... "
  "Wait you want me to move in here?"
  "Well yeah. I mean I told you we weren't going to be staying here too much longer and you have to know that circus' do tend to travel right?"
  "Yeah, right. Of course. It's just, heh, I guess when I jumped into this I didn't think all of it through. Though that's probably obvious."
  "Hrm, well it's your choice. I'm not gonna lie and say this life is the easiest and if you feel more comfortable at home or have loved ones you don't want to leave that's understandable."
  "I dunno if I'd say all that, but the concept of leaving my home... well it's a bit of a big change for me. Like a VERY big one. And oddly, this opportunity has me seriously considering it."
  "Well you do what's in your heart. Anyway, we aren't leaving today or even tomorrow, so I mean if you want to go back home and pick up some stuff, say goodbye to whoever, then you've got time. But even though we're not leaving tomorrow we are going to be open for our last show and I'll need you here. I'm hoping we'll at least get some people here and make at least a bit of money before picking up stakes and all that."
  
  You aren't sure what to do. The logical thing to do would be to go back home and gather some belonging, say a few goodbyes and try to convince Peter to drive you back up here so he gets his car back.
  
  But there's something within you that wonders if you shouldn't just make a clean break immediately and stay. You know yourself and if you get back home you're likely find some reason to stay and back out of this opportunity. You think about Bobby and how he'd be one of those reasons. You still haven't called him back.
  > head back home
  You should head back home to gather your things and you at least should return Peter's car back. You're confident that he'd drive you back here.
  
  You still aren't sure about calling Bobby. If he finds out your intentions, he might do something crazy... well other than the usual craziness he participates in. Might be best to still not return his call.
  
  "I appreciate this opportunity Roofie. I'll be back later today or tomorrow morning at the latest."
  "Hm, okay. See you later then." Roofie says and you leave the tent to quickly make your way back to your car.
  
  You realize that you're still in your clown outfit as you're driving off. Oh well it hardly matters. Well other than Peter is probably going to get freaked out when he sees you.
  
  You head back towards town and halfway there you suddenly hear the sound of a tire blowing out.
  
  "Oh what the fuck!?" you exclaim, in your attempt to keep the car from swerving. You pull over to the side of the road.
  
  You get out and see your front driver side tire is completely fucked. While you don't have any experience in changing one yourself, you go and check if there is a spare anyway.
  
  You open the trunk and of course there is nothing in there. Or rather nothing that can help you. You do find a bunch of your old clothes that Peter probably stole a long time ago..
  
  While its possible someone random might try to help you on this road, you don't hold out a lot of hope. Or rather the element that usually traverses this area usually consists of trailer trash types that you definitely don't want to put up with.
  
  Lacking any better options, you decide to call your younger sister Donna and hope that maybe she's not bust partying. No answer, but you leave a message. You also call Julie, but have the same amount of luck.
  
  You then try to call Peter, since he'll definitely want to know about his car. Again, you get no answer, so you leave a message.
  
  Some cars pass you on the road, so far its looking like nobody is helping you. You wonder if it might be the clown costume though. You have the temptation to call Bobby, but you resist.
  
  "Great. I finally start to get something going with my life and fate decides to kick me in the face for it." You say sitting in the car.
  
  It starts to get dark and nobody has returned your call yet. Tired of waiting around for help you come to a decision.
  
  You go back and grab your old clothes from the trunk of the car and start walking back to the carnival. It'll be a long walk, but given how everyone in your family has failed spectacularly in even returning your call you figure you'll be better off just making a clean break and not go back home after all. At least you've got a few extra clothes.
  
  You walk for quite some time and a couple vehicles pass you, but once again nobody offers you a ride. Looks like the clown outfit might be warding off people. As they say, there is nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight.
  
  There is also nothing funny about two rednecks in a pick up truck at night either... 
  
  And that's exactly who rides up along side you. A fear wells up within you, but you try to ignore it.
  
  "Woo weee! Look at chu'. You from dat carnival a few miles up dah road?" one of them shouts from the passenger side.
  "Something like that."
  "Mm, yeah I don't usually go fer clowns... but damn are you fine. You fill out that outfit something fierce! You remind me of that girl from the funny books. Y'know that crazy guy's girlfriend who fights that bat guy."
  
  You continue to try to ignore him and step up your pace.
  
  "So, you need a lift back to your carnival sweetheart? We got room."
  "No, the back of your truck looks full of scrap metal."
  "Oh honey, you wouldn't ride back there. You'd ride up here with us. Maybe you could even sit in my lap."
  
  You're starting to get worried now.
  
  "No, I'm okay. Thanks though."
  "I don't think yer understandin' me missy, this ain't a fuckin' request! Hugo stop the goddamn truck, this one's gonna give us shit!" the hick says and you don't even waste time, you start running before he even gets out of the truck.
  
  It's a long dark lonely road and you're a young woman screaming and running from psycho hillbillies. It would sound like a bad horror movie if it weren't actually happening.
  
  So far you're out pacing them so you figure if you stick to the road you'll be fine and maybe even be lucky enough to have someone pass by to help you.
  
  You look back and see the one from the passenger seat still far behind you, in fact you don't even see the other one. But you do hear shouting by the one chasing you.
  
  In a few moments you hear the sound of an engine see the glow of headlights right behind you. They're not going to bother chasing you so much as they're just going to run you down!
  
  At this point you get off the road and you do, but the truck just follows you into the high grass and at the speed it's going it succeeds in hitting you at a good speed. You go flying several feet way into the field.
  
  You still live, but your body is broken in several places. You cry out followed by several whimpers of someone to help you. Of course there is no one and all it does is let the two hicks know where you've landed. You can't even crawl away.
  
  In a few moments the truck pulls up near your area and your fear and anguish is overwhelming you. This is it. This is how it's going to end.
  
  "Heard that bitch scream, she's gotta be here somewhere... got her." The hillbilly says shining a flashlight in your bloody face.
  
  "Sheet. You ain't much now are ya bitch? If you'd gotten in when I told ya, We might've even let ya go after we were done havin' our fun. But noooo, you stuck up pretty bitches always gotta do things da hard way. Fuck it. I don't care if you are all broken, I'm getting' a piece of this."
  
  During the last agonizing moments of life are thoughts of how you should've stayed in the basement.