text: "So I see you've hooked up with Glenn, how's that working out?" you ask.
  "Oh its great..." she says. Her demeanor didn't change.
  "So is Glenn treating you any better?" you ask
  "Well...uh...yeah! Yes he is..."
  "That didn't sound very convincing Nancy."
  "Okay, so he's a dickhead too, but at least with him he goes home and I don't have to slave over him on a regular basis."
  "Oh no, you just get treated like a cum bucket whenever he wants some pussy."
  
  "Hey look, I'm just tellin' it like it is. From what I can tell he isn't exactly Mr. Right. Sheesh don't you know the guy's past? He's fucking crazy."
  "Yeah, but I can change him..."
  "This again? Look honey, your track record isn't good as far as that goes. Besides you can't change the insane."
  "(Sob!) I know! Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself! (Sob!)"
  
  Oh shit, you just got yourself into some drama you didn't want to; you try to change the subject back to Kong.
  
  "Look, obviously Kong can't be as bad as Colossal Asshole."
  "(Sniff) Oh no? He doesn't do shit around the house and this is MY house! MY money paid for everything in here! If it wasn't for me picking him up all those years ago he wouldn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out! Fuck him! I'm sick of him taking me for granted. I just jumped from one abusive marriage to another!"
  "Erm...Kong doesn't beat you does he? Because if that's the case then..."
  "Oh no, he's never done that. If that ever had happened, I would've kicked him out a long time ago."
  "Well, maybe I was wrong and you did change him a little then. I mean if you knew Kong back in the day, he had real temper problems. It seems like you did have some effect on him."
  "Maybe..."
  "Look how about I go back and talk to..."
  
  Suddenly the doorbell rings.
  
  "Hold on Wolf let me get that."
  
  While you wait for Nancy to come back, you think you're on the right track to convincing her to take back Kong. Then she arrives in the kitchen with some big ass roses and happily reading a card.
  
  "Where the hell did you get those things? Hey are those from Kong?" you say hopefully.
  "No."
  "They aren't from Glenn are they?" you ask a little more worried.
  "Pfft, yeah right."
  "So who are they from?"
  "Oh they're from Ymir, he probably had Joe specially grow them for me...he's so sweet and sensitive."
  "You're fucking Ymir too?!" you exclaim.
  "No, he just leaves me presents with cards on my doorstep. He's so shy, I wish he wasn't though, because I wouldn't mind seeing him. He writes the most romantic things..."
  
  Nancy begins to day dream about Ymir and now you're back at square one again. Still, you do wonder if she shouldn't be with Ymir. Nancy does seem like a nice girl and she probably deserves better than Kong, and certainly deserves better than Glenn.
  
  > convince her to take Kong back
  Nope you were here to help Kong and that's what you're going to do, for good or bad.
  
  "See? See what I'm saying Nancy? You're doing it again! You're falling for the romantic bit. Ymir's just saying all that shit to get on your good side."
  "You think so?"
  "Hell yeah! A lot of guys do it; you should know that by now! Look, I've used the same damn routine on several occasions until I just got too fucking lazy and decided it was too much trouble!"
  "I suppose you're right, but why would he be too shy to show up? Surely it can't all be an act."
  "Hey, guy can do anything to get the pussy. Of course maybe it isn't an act, and he's just a creepy stalker type. You ever think of that? Maybe hiding and secretly spying on you! He is smaller than you, you know."
  
  Nancy looks a bit worried by that revelation.
  
  "Eek! I never even thought of that!"
  "See? That's why you shouldn't even consider getting with Ymir and should go back with Kong, at least you know where you stand with him."
  "Maybe...but what about Glenn?"
  "What?! Hell no! You don't want him, he's a fucking nutball! Maybe Kong's not the most sensitive, but at least you can reason with him. He can't be all bad; you have stayed married all these years."
  "I guess you're right. Maybe I overreacted...okay you can tell Kong he can come back, but he's going to have to stop saying some of the shit he says to me!"
  "I'll tell him."
  
  Nancy puts you back on the floor and opens the door for you to leave. You get back on your bike and ride back home to where Kong is munching on some leaves in a bored fashion.
  
  "Hey Kong...what the fuck man? You eat every leaf in the fucking forest?"
  "Just the ones in the immediate area...what? I was hungry!"
  "Well, you can get yourself a home cooked meal now, Nancy's willing to take you back, BUT you need to at least act a little less like an asshole. Tell her you love her and all that shit every now and then."
  "Aw man..."
  "Jesus fuckin' Christ Kong it ain't that hard! Hell she's doing everything for your broke ass. I wish I was that fuckin' lucky! You oughta be a little bit appreciative! She's got other giants after her already."
  "What?! Oh shit! I guess I better watch myself."
  "Guess you better, okay then off you go."
  "Hey thanks Wolf, I won't forget this, when Nancy gives me my weekly allowance I'll make sure to have a check sent to you."
  
  He takes his leave and you head back home, not really expecting anything from Kong, a few days later when you're dreading having to take that comic convention job, you get a check in the mail, its from Kong just like he promised.
  
  Hooray, you can avoid being a guest speaker for a bunch of nerds for at least another year!