text: [Themes: Puzzle, Fantasy, Humor, non-human protagonist, old school]
  
  > look around
  Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place. We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your
  bacon.
  
  The exit to the street is to the west, and there's another, smaller area of the shop to the southeast.
  
  Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.
  
  Mel's at the counter.
  
  I can also see a cedar box (which is open) and a pile of assorted trinkets here.
  
  > take the cockroach
  As you well know, those little guys are extremely unstable.
  Also, Mel's Magic Shop is you-break-it-you-buy-it.
  
  > Go southeast
  This is the back corner of the magic shop, where Mel actually puts magical things together. He's got a giant oak workbench. Unlike your workbench, though, it's perfectly clean and shows no signs of ever having caught on fire.
  
  The front counter's back to the northwest.
  
  I can see a workbench and a shelf (on top of which are two bottles of blue dye) here.
  
  > look under the workbench
  Good idea! Maybe there are some shiny coins or something!
  
  No, sadly.
  
  > take all
  Exploding Cockroaches: As you well know, those little guys are extremely unstable. Also, Mel's Magic Shop is
  you-break-it-you-buy-it.
  pile of assorted trinkets: There are a million things here, and stealing from Mel would be suicidal.
  Mel: I don't see how, and I would probably just get shooed away again.
  
  > show ring to Mel
  "Oh, W.D., I think I'm a little too old to marry you."
  
  "Very funny. Is it real? Is it worth something?"
  
  Mel reaches under the counter and throws some sort of powder on the ring. "Yes. Definitely." He frowns. "W.D., I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer honestly. I will know if you are lying."
  
  Uh oh. "Okay, Mel."
  
  "Did you rob a jewelry store?"
  
  "Mel, I can 100% say I did not rob a jewelry store."
  
  "Okay." Mel takes out a ledger from underneath the counter and carefully makes a note in it. "All right, that's certainly worth an ingredient. All right, W.D., I'm impressed. Perhaps you will be able to get enough money."
  
  This is wonderful, boss! I think we're well on our way to creating the potion and saving your bacon!
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a faery coin
  a red balloon
  a vase
  a magic wand
  the mind of an annoying wizard
  
  > put the mind in the box
  If only it was that easy.
  
  > show the vase to Mel
  "Mel, did you make this?"
  
  "Ah, yes. I was experiment with unbreakable glass and ended up producing this vase. It's not unbreakable, unfortunately, but it does reform itself after a few minutes when it breaks. It is not really practical for protecting flowers, but it can lead to some entertaining parlor tricks."
  
  > break the vase
  Ploink! The vase cracks apart, and the shards of
  glass...disappear? Huh, weird.
  
  > wait for a while
  All right.
  
  > wait
  All right. Boss, I hate to rush you, but at some point the treasurer is going to figure out where the king wandered off to.
  
  > Wait
  All right.
  
  Kniolp! Shards of glass pop into existence and reform
  themselves into a glass vase.
  
  > show the rod to Mel
  "Mel, this isn't yours, is it?"
  
  "W.D., I'm surprised you would forget one of your employer's inventions. That is his Fishing Wand, based off the Aetheric Coin Generator he liked so much. It was a surprisingly competent invention; it worked so well, in fact, that the bait attracted other animals, which scared away the fish. It was a decent try, though."
  
  > Go west
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  > go to the southwest
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Is a happy happy hog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  > eat the hedgehog
  I wish I could, but he's just too pointy.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Is a happy happy hog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  > show fish to the hedgehog
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Is a happy happy hog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
  
  > give the fish to the hedgehog
  "Food! Food for meeeeee! Oh---
  
  Is a happy happy hooooog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And singiiiiiiiing!
  
  Good job. Now he's singing louder.
  
  The hedgehog sings happily:
  
  Oh, being round is great,
  But being fed is better!
  I love foods and foods
  And foods and foods
  And foods and foods!
  
  You're the one who wanted to feed him.
  
  > look at the barn
  It's a bit far off to see very well.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Singing is the best,
  The best, the best!
  What's the best?
  That's riiiiiiiiight, it's siiiiiiiinging!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  > Punch hedgehog
  I wish I could, but he's just too pointy.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Singing is the best,
  The best, the best!
  What's the best?
  That's riiiiiiiiight, it's siiiiiiiinging!
  
  > go west
  Yep, big red barn. It's got a new paint job, too. It looks like it's in good condition, actually. I don't see any cobwebs in the corners or birds' nests, so either it's been freshly-built or they really cleaned the place out recently. Even the hay in the stalls is untrampled. The exit back to the fields is to the east.
  
  I can see a pile of hay and some stalls here.
  
  > look at the hay
  The hay is dry and clean, which is pretty atypical for hay in a barn. I wonder if they haven't moved the animals in yet.
  
  > look at the stalls
  This is a large barn, with space for ten or so horses and many cows.
  
  > eat the hay
  (first taking the pile of hay)
  Until we figure out how to spin straw into gold, I'd just as soon leave it here.
  
  > go to the east
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Singing is the best,
  The best, the best!
  What's the best?
  That's riiiiiiiiight, it's siiiiiiiinging!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  > go south
  These little country houses are hit or miss. Sometimes they have good food to steal; sometimes their owners want to cook and eat you. This particular one is a one-room cottage with a thatched roof. The chimney's the nicest thing here. Unfortunately for us, there's nothing cooking on the fireplace. No fire either, so waiting around here isn't going to get us any food. Nobody's here, though the door to the north is ajar. The cottage continues to the west.
  
  A ramshackle table stands against the wall.
  
  There are some farming tools in the corner of the cottage.
  
  I can also see a scarf here.
  
  > look at the scarf
  The scarf is very light. I think it's made of silk. It's yellow.
  
  > look at the table
  It's a round, wooden table. Six or seven people could fit around it. It's solid looking, but rough; it's functional rather than pretty. It has food stains that are several years old, giving it a pleasant aroma of meals past. Unfortunately, there's no actual food on it.
  
  > look at the tools
  They're some tools that you humans probably use to farm, uh, farm stuff. Some of them have pointy bits, if that helps.
  
  > Smell table
  Well, I tell you one thing, boss. Somewhere there is food, and I'm not eating it, and that's a sad, sad thing.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  some farming tools
  a scarf
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a faery coin
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of a desperate wizard
  
  > go north
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  > Go east
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  > go to the west
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Is a happy happy hog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
  
  > go south
  These little country houses are hit or miss. Sometimes they have good food to steal; sometimes their owners want to cook and eat you. This particular one is a one-room cottage with a thatched roof. The chimney's the nicest thing here. Unfortunately for us, there's nothing cooking on the fireplace. No fire either, so waiting around here isn't going to get us any food. Nobody's here, though the door to the north is ajar. The cottage continues to the west.
  
  A ramshackle table stands against the wall.
  
  > Go west
  This is an alcove bordered by two sets of shelves. I think it's a food-storage area, based on the jars labeled "FLOUR" and such. There are assorted vegetables arranged in a few piles. The rest of the cottage is back east.
  
  There's a hatch set into the wall, with a lever next to it and a basket underneath.
  
  > look at the hatch
  It's a small covered hatch, about a quarter of my size, built into the wall.
  
  > look at the lever
  It's a red lever attached to the wall by the hatch.
  
  > look at the basket
  There's a wicker basket lying directly below the hatch.
  
  > examine the vegetables
  There's a pile of potatoes and a pile of carrots. There are also a few radishes that look like they're about to go off. (Er, I mean "rot" and not "explode." That would be great, though. You should invent an exploding radish.)
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg rolls out of the hatch into the basket, where it breaks.
  
  narf narf nom nom...Man, I love eggs. Uh, sorry, boss.
  
  > examine the shelves
  The pantry is lined with shelves. There are various baking supplies and a few piles of vegetables.
  
  > pull lever
  An egg plops gently out of the hatch onto the scarf.
  
  narf narf nom nom...Man, I love eggs. Uh, sorry, boss.
  
  > take all
  lever: That's fixed in place.
  basket: It's too bulky for me to carry around, and it's too large to put into my bag.
  
  > pull the lever
  Taken.
  
  An egg rolls out of the hatch into the basket, where it breaks.
  
  narf narf nom nom...Man, I love eggs. Uh, sorry, boss.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a scarf
  some farming tools
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a faery coin
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of a desperate wizard
  
  > examine the jars
  There are spices and various baking supplies.
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg plops gently out of the hatch onto the scarf.
  
  Oh, man, a magic faery just appeared and took away the egg.
  Burp. That's so sad.
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg plops gently out of the hatch onto the scarf.
  
  Oh, man, a magic dragon just appeared and took away the egg with magic. No! Bad dragon! That mouth-wateringly enticing egg is for my boss, and its spectacular deliciousness is for him, not you! Go away!
  
  Well, I managed to scare the dragon off, but he left with your egg. Sorry, boss. Burp.
  
  > go to the north
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  > Go east
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  > go east
  Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place. We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your
  bacon.
  
  The exit to the street is to the west, and there's another, smaller area of the shop to the southeast.
  
  Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.
  
  Mel's at the counter.
  
  I can also see a vase and a pile of assorted trinkets here.
  
  "Greetings, W.D.," says Mel. "As a reminder, you still have one ingredient's worth of credit."
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg plops out of the hatch into the vase and breaks.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist...must eat egg! Shoot! I can't get my beak in there. Stupid narrow vase with its stupid narrow neck.
  
  > put the scarf in the vase
  Done. Well, sort of done. I've crammed it in, but the scarf's still sticking out a bit.
  
  Maybe if I tip the vase over...ah, no luck. Stupid vase designed for stupid humans with their stupid hands. My beak doesn't seem to be up to the task. Don't worry, delicious egg! I'll get to you eventually!
  
  > pull lever
  I can hear something rattling around behind the hatch, but no further eggs are forthcoming. Don't worry, egg! I'll save you! Come to think of it, I should also save the last one we got.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > look in the vase
  In the vase are a scarf and an egg.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > take vase
  Taken.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > break the vase
  Ploink! The vase cracks apart, and the shards of glass
  disappear.
  
  Oh, no, the treasurer just walked in! No, evil treasurer, you can't have my boss's egg! I know it looks irresistably tasty, but he needs it for some unnecessarily complicated scheme involving financial skulduggery. You can't just---
  
  Sorry, boss, he grabbed the egg and ran away. Man, that guy's horrible. Burp. Let's go stop him.
  
  > Wait
  All right.
  All right.
  All right.
  All right.
  All right. Boss, I hate to rush you, but at some point the treasurer is going to figure out where the king wandered off to.
  
  Kniolp! Shards of glass pop into existence and reform
  themselves into a glass vase. Ohhhh, it must be made out of Mel's self-repairing glass. It's cheaper than his unbreakable glass.
  
  > put the scarf in the vase
  Done. Well, sort of done. I've crammed it in, but the scarf's still sticking out a bit.
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg rolls out of the hatch into the basket, where it breaks.
  
  Oh, man, a magic faery just appeared and took away the egg.
  Burp. That's so sad.
  
  > pull the lever
  An egg plops out of the hatch into the vase, landing gingerly on the scarf.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist...must eat egg! Shoot! I can't get my beak in there. Stupid narrow vase with its stupid narrow neck.
  
  > look at the fireplace
  This is a sad little fireplace. There's no fire and no food.
  
  > look at the chimney
  It's a red brick chimney. I'm not a great judge--- I don't know why anyone would ruin meat by setting it on fire--- but it looks nicer than the rest of the house. The bricks look like they're exactly the same size, and they're laid out in straight rows. Most of them, anyway; one is sticking out a bit. It looks like the mortar surrounding it has been cut away.
  
  > examine the brick
  There's one brick in the fireplace that's sticking out. It looks like the mortar around it's been cut away.
  
  > take the brick
  Okay. It's a rough surface. I can probably get my claws in and drag it out. Rrrgh! Well, I didn't manage to pry it all the way out, but I did shift it a little. There's a parchment concealed under the brick.
  
  > look at the parchment
  This is...well...man, this is a lot of text. I didn't know humans could write letters that tiny. Give me a minute.
  
  ...Okay, I'm pretty sure it's some kind of insurance policy. Bearer gets...um, hmm. I think it's an insurance policy on a barn west of town, but don't quote me on that.
  
  > go west
  This is an alcove bordered by two sets of shelves. I think it's a food-storage area, based on the jars labeled "FLOUR" and such. There are assorted vegetables arranged in a few piles. The rest of the cottage is back east.
  
  There's a hatch set into the wall, with a lever next to it and a basket underneath.
  
  Maybe if I tip the vase over...ah, no luck. Stupid vase designed for stupid humans with their stupid hands. My beak doesn't seem to be up to the task. Don't worry, delicious egg! I'll get to you eventually!
  
  > search the spices
  I don't see anything interesting or valuable.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > look at the basket
  There's a wicker basket lying directly below the hatch.
  
  Inside the basket is a vase.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go to the west
  I can't go that way.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go west
  This is an alcove bordered by two sets of shelves. I think it's a food-storage area, based on the jars labeled "FLOUR" and such. There are assorted vegetables arranged in a few piles. The rest of the cottage is back east.
  
  There's a hatch set into the wall, with a lever next to it and a basket underneath.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > look at the vase
  It's a delicate glass vase with a narrow neck, although it widens at the bottom. It's the kind of vase that holds a few flowers instead of a whole bouquet.
  
  Inside the vase are an egg and a scarf.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > go east
  These little country houses are hit or miss. Sometimes they have good food to steal; sometimes their owners want to cook and eat you. This particular one is a one-room cottage with a thatched roof. The chimney's the nicest thing here. Unfortunately for us, there's nothing cooking on the fireplace. No fire either, so waiting around here isn't going to get us any food. Nobody's here, though the door to the north is ajar. The cottage continues to the west.
  
  A ramshackle table stands against the wall.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go north
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > show the vase to the hedgehog
  I'm not getting any response. Pssh. I wish I had one of your Extremely Loud Icebreaker Crackers. Those always got a response, even if it was usually a violent one.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > give the vase to the hedgehog
  Hey, this is hard-earned stuff. I'm not just giving it away here.
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > drop the vase
  Dropped.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the vase
  Taken.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Is a happy happy hog!
  It's a good day for eating
  And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > go east
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > go to the east
  I can't go that way.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > go to the north
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Go east
  I can't go that way.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > go north
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > ask Sandie about the salt
  "Awk awk caw!"
  
  "I know what you want, W.D., but I'm not giving you any food unless you have some real money. Your tab is already ridiculous."
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > look at the salt
  I'm told that humans put salt on things to make them taste salty. Psh. The only seasoning meat needs is more meat.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > take the salt
  Taken.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > eat the salt
  I don't like eating my spices plain. I usually want to put some eyeballs or a nice steak under them.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go south
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go south
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Go west
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go to the north
  I can't go that way.
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go north
  I can't go that way.
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go west
  Yep, big red barn. It's got a new paint job, too. It looks like it's in good condition, actually. I don't see any cobwebs in the corners or birds' nests, so either it's been freshly-built or they really cleaned the place out recently. Even the hay in the stalls is untrampled. The exit back to the fields is to the east.
  
  I can see a pile of hay and some stalls here.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > put the coin in hay
  Okay, I've put the faery coin on the pile of hay.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > put the salt on the coin
  All right.
  
  Fwoooom! The faery coin explodes! Sparks everywhere!
  
  I think the hay is on fire. Yep, it's kind of smoking. Oooh, I see flame!
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > exit
  I've stopped in front of a cottage to the south, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround me and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.
  
  There's a red barn off to the west.
  
  I can also see a hedgehog here.
  
  Oooh, I can see flames shooting out of the barn! There's a huge cloud of smoke going up!
  
  The hedgehog starts to sing:
  
  Doop de dooooooo,
  It's a round life for meeeeee!
  We're roly and poly
  And hedgyhogoly,
  A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
  
  "Oh oh! Hey! Hey! Can I have that? It looks delicious! I love food. Don't you love food? Oh hog oh hog I love food."
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > Go east
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > Go north
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > go east
  Let me tell you, these walls gleam. They're made of Marmoreal
  marble, known for the gold lines running through it. The floors and ceilings are made of the same material. The lobby of the bank is fairly open. There are exits to the north and west leading outside, and the bank continues to the east. There's also a table with forms and stuff.
  
  There's a bored-looking man at the tables trying to fill out some forms.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Go east
  This part of the bank is cut off from the public by a gilded cage. There's a big, grey, solid-looking door back there, presumably a vault. The room is big and echoey, thirty or forty feet high and brightly lit from a huge gold chandelier overhead. The main lobby is back to the west.
  
  There's a black cord running from a hole in the wall.
  
  There's a bored-looking teller behind the bars.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > show the parchment to the teller
  "Hmm, yes, this is one of our policies. If anything unfortunate should..." She trails off as she notices a rising plume of smoke in the distance. "I see. Well, then. I suppose this is yours." She takes the parchment from me and hands me a check.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > look at the check
  We got this check for burning down--- er, redeeming the policy on the barn at 1 Farmland Farm. Well, actually, we did both of those things.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > show the check to the teller
  Aside from generally being nonplussed at serving a bird, the teller seems uninterested.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > Go west
  Let me tell you, these walls gleam. They're made of Marmoreal
  marble, known for the gold lines running through it. The floors and ceilings are made of the same material. The lobby of the bank is fairly open. There are exits to the north and west leading outside, and the bank continues to the east. There's also a table with forms and stuff.
  
  There's a bored-looking man at the tables trying to fill out some forms.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > Go west
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > go to the south
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go east
  Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place. We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your
  bacon.
  
  The exit to the street is to the west, and there's another, smaller area of the shop to the southeast.
  
  Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.
  
  Mel's at the counter.
  
  I can also see a pile of assorted trinkets here.
  
  "Greetings, W.D.," says Mel. "As a reminder, you still have one ingredient's worth of credit."
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > show the check to Mel
  Mel looks it over. "Hm, made out to cash, even. All right." Mel takes out a ledger from underneath the counter and carefully makes a note in it. "All right, that's certainly worth another ingredient."
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > read the page
  This is a list of Midas potions:
  
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, and phoenix kidney
  
  Components: sapphire whiskey, ivory runestone, and daffodil blood
  
  Components: phoenix kidney, daffodil blood, and refined starmetal
  
  Components: unicorn fur, phoenix kidney, daffodil blood, and wizard ash
  
  Transmute any inanimate object to gold (there's a smudge after
  'gold', and I can't read what's written there)
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, ivory runestone, refined starmetal, and wizard ash
  
  Components: sapphire whiskey, phoenix kidney, ivory runestone, daffodil blood, refined starmetal, and wizard ash
  
  Components: unicorn fur, sapphire whiskey, phoenix kidney, ivory runestone, daffodil blood, refined starmetal, and wizard ash
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Go west
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Go north
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  There's a black cord running from the guard tower to the bank.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > Go west
  This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's a statue of some ugly human here. The guard tower is north of here, a big, oppressive stone thing. I always feel like I'm about to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it.
  
  There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east, and the wharf is to the west.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > go to the north
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a young guardsman here.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > look in the wastebasket
  It's full of crumpled vellum pages.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take the vellum pages
  Taken.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > read the vellum pages
  In familiar handwriting, the text of the page reads:
  
  Dear Guards,
  
  Please return the machine you confiscated from the king's wizard, who is very powerful and very good at magic except for that one time with the pancakes, which was a reasonable accident that could happen to anyone. Also, I am stupid and I smell bad and my mother is a platypus.
  
  The signature on this letter is somewhat unusual.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine the signature
  A poorly-executed forgery of the treasurer's signature. I suspect his name is not actually "The Treasurer." I also suspect he knows how to spell "treasurer." I wish your Spelling Wasp had caught on, boss. That one should have made us millionaires. Anaphylactic shock is a small price to pay for proper spelling.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > look at Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic. He's dozing lightly. He has an impressive moustache that makes him look older than I suspect he actually is, or at least it would if it weren't obviously glued on.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > take the moustache
  Let me just peel the glue off....got it! The guard stirs a bit, but goes back to sleep.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > wear the moustache
  Hey! No clothes on the bird! I'm not one of those little yappy dogs.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine bell
  There's a large (as in, about my size) bronze bell on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window. The bell's actually fairly interesting; its surface is covered with bronze dots making a floral pattern. I tend to associate Pre-Classical dots with sculpture, but there's no reason you couldn't cast a bell in that style.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > examine the cabinet
  A poorly-built but solid storage cabinet with "EVIDENCE" painted on the door. It's in bad shape; the wood is splintering in several places, and there's even a sizeable crack on top. It's padlocked.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > examine Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic. He's dozing lightly.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Examine poster
  It's a wanted poster offering five thousand florins for the capture of the infamous bank robber Two-Handed Bart (not to be confused with One-Handed Bart). He looks dashing with his shiny hair, his handlebar moustache, and his flapping green scarf. Is that dashing? That's the sort of thing you guys find dashing, right?
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine the crack
  There's a large crack on the top of the evidence box.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > examine the padlock
  The padlock's rusty. It looks like the latch is nearly rusted through.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Wave wand
  Poof! A glittering coin materializes in the air in front of
  me and drops to the floor.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > put the coin in the crack
  I'm not holding the faery coin.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > take the coin
  Taken.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > put the coin in the crack
  The faery coin drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > check your inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a mechanical moustache
  a vellum page
  a vase
  an egg
  a scarf
  some farming tools
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of an annoying wizard
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > ring bell
  Ding! The guard jumps up from his nap. "Hey, get away from the alarm! Stupid bird." Yeah, well, get away from...your...face, you
  stupid human. Man, I'm going to think of a good comeback hours from now, when it won't do me any good.
  
  He returns to his nap.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the padlock
  I'll have to unlock it first.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > put the salt in the crack
  The salt drops into the evidence cabinet through the crack.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  Fwoooom! The faery coin explodes! Sparks everywhere!
  
  The napping guard startles. "Hr! What the?"
  
  > look at the box
  (the evidence box)
  A poorly-built but solid storage cabinet with "EVIDENCE" painted on the door. It's in bad shape; the wood is splintering in several places, and there's even a sizeable crack on top. It's padlocked.
  
  The guard laboriously stands up and rubs his eyes. "Why is the evidence locker smoking?"
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Wait
  All right.
  
  The guard unlocks and opens the evidence cabinet and stares stupidly at it, scratching his head. "Hullo, what's this? Nothing seems to be on fire."
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > look in the cabinet
  In the evidence box are a scrap of paper and a metal device.
  
  The guard closes up the evidence locker, locks it, and eagerly returns to his nap.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > take all
  black cord: That's fixed in place.
  wastebasket: That's fixed in place.
  bronze bell: That's fixed in place.
  evidence box: That's fixed in place.
  young guardsman: I don't see how, and I would probably just get shooed away again.
  
  The guard closes up the evidence locker, locks it, and eagerly returns to his nap.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > look in the box
  (the evidence box)
  Looking through the crack, I can see a scrap of paper and a metal device inside.
  
  The guard unlocks and opens the evidence cabinet and stares stupidly at it, scratching his head. "Hullo, what's this? Nothing seems to be on fire."
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the scrap
  Time to use all my sneakiness and stealth to grab the scrap of paper while the guard's distracted! And...got it!
  
  The guard closes up the evidence locker, locks it, and eagerly returns to his nap.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > examine the scrap
  It reads, "Give me the munny. I hav a bomm." Sheesh. I can
  spell better than that.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > take the metal
  That's fixed in place.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > look at the box
  (the evidence box)
  A poorly-built but solid storage cabinet with "EVIDENCE" painted on the door. It's in bad shape; the wood is splintering in several places, and there's even a sizeable crack on top. It's padlocked.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a scrap of paper
  a mechanical moustache
  a vellum page
  a vase
  an egg
  a scarf
  some farming tools
  a cedar box (which is open but empty)
  a piece of yellow paper
  a piece of green paper
  a piece of violet paper
  a piece of red paper
  a fish
  the Un-Hat
  a fishing rod
  a wanted poster
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a red balloon
  a magic wand
  the mind of a foolish wizard
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > look at Guard
  I think this guard is pretty young, although I'm not great at telling with you humans. He's wearing the standard-issue guard tunic. He's dozing lightly.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > examine the tunic
  All the guards have green tunics with a stylized unicorn on the front. This guard also has a key on his belt.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > Unlock box
  What do you want to unlock the evidence box with?
  
  > unlock the box with the key
  Sure, boss. I'll just hover three feet off the ground, delicately insert the key into the lock using my beak, and then spin around a couple of times in mid-air to open it. I can't perch on the lock or reach it from the ground, and keys are tricky to handle with beaks. I don't think this is a job for a raven, even one as fiendishly clever as me.
  
  The egg is calling to me...