text: [Themes: Humor, Children's, Literary]
  
  > Look around
  From its floral carpet to its lovingly dusted knick-knacks, The Three Bears' sitting room is a chintzy abomination of taste, the sort of room that would make any sane bear want to go back and live in a cave. Two chairs are arranged around small coffee table; a large chair and a medium-sized chair. There used to be a tiny little chair but I'd rather not talk about it.
  
  A small pile of firewood is all that remains of the tiny little chair.
  
  On the small coffee table is a copy of 'Hail!' magazine.
  
  > get the firewood
  Oh, so you want me to pick up the pile of firewood now, on top of everything else? Fine! I'll just tuck it between my knees, shall I?
  
  > go south
  I'm in the entrance hall of the Three Bears' house. Hung around the walls are portraits of various members of the Bear clan, along with some highly disturbing hunting trophies. A narrow staircase leads up to the bears' bedroom. The front door has been wedged open. Just inside the front door is an open trapdoor.
  The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from above.
  
  > put the firewood in the fireplace
  I put the pile of firewood into the fireplace.
  
  > Light firewood
  I strike a match and set fire to the remains of Baby Bear's chair...
  
  Alright! There's a blazing fire in the hearth now. Who says I'm not domesticated? That's only one step away from cooking! And to think they kicked me out of the Girl Scouts!
  
  > cook the pork
  I put the pork chops on the hearth. Wow, they defrosted quickly!
  
  > examine the pork
  There's a picture of three little pigs on the packet. Kinda sick when you think about it. I think I'll become a vegetarian.
  
  > get the pork
  This could be the packet of medium rare pork chops that broke Goldilocks' back, you know! Taken.
  
  > wait a while
  Time passes.
  
  > give pork to Wolf
  The wolf grabs the packet of pork chops and tears off the wrapper, then rolls on the floor gnawing at them like a dog with an old slipper. Moments later, when he has recovered his dignity, he rises to his feet and says
  'My dear girl, that was simply exquisite! I am indebted for you for that delectable dish! If there is anything I can do in return, simply name it, and it will be done! Huffing and puffing a speciality...'
  
  > tell Wolf about the windmill
  This provokes no reaction.
  
  The Big Bad Wolf taps his foot impatiently.
  
  > ask Wolf about the windmill
  'No more of this idle banter! If there is something you wish me to do for you, let us attend to it immediately. I am a cunning hunter of the wilderness, and have no time to waste in frivolous conversation!'
  
  The Big Bad Wolf scratches his ear.
  
  > Go south
  I can't go in that direction, but I can move north, west, up, down and out.
  
  The Big Bad Wolf taps his foot impatiently.
  
  > go outside
  I'm standing on the porch of the Three Bears' cottage. It would be quite pretty in a rustic sort of way had someone not seen fit to paint it gold. The front door has been wedged open. Just south of me is the clearing in the forest.
  A battered old dustbin sits to one side of the porch.
  The Big Bad Wolf follows me.
  'Ah, my natural habitat!' says the wolf, 'There really is nothing quite like the forest!'
  
  > go west
  I can't go in that direction, but I can move south and in.
  
  The Big Bad Wolf taps his foot impatiently.
  
  > go south
  I'm in a clearing. There is a teeny tiny cottage here complete with a thatched roof and leaded windows. It's just like something out of a fairy tale, funnily enough, except for the large hand-painted sign designed to deter trespassers. Just to the north is the front porch. A little path lined by rows of white-painted stones leads around the side of the house to the west.
  The Big Bad Wolf follows me.
  
  > go to the west
  I'm in a little garden alongside the cottage. There's a vegetable plot in a sunny spot by the wall and on the other side of the garden a somewhat neglected ornamental pond. There's obviously been some attempt at landscaping but the effect is less Capability Brown and more incapable bruin. A ramshackle potting shed completes the image of horticultural incompetence. To the north, an overgrown pergola leads into a meadow. A gigantic beanstalk rises out of the vegetable plot and stops abruptly just above the level of the roof.
  The Big Bad Wolf follows me.
  
  > Go north
  I'm in a small meadow at the back of the cottage, separated from the forest by a rickety fence. In the middle of the meadow is what appears to be a homemade wind turbine! To the south, through the tangled pergola, is the garden.
  The Big Bad Wolf follows me.
  
  > Blow
  What do you want the Big Bad Wolf to blow?
  
  > Turbine
  'Ah, so you wish to make use of my prodigious talents! I shall huff, and I shall puff, and I shall have that turbine turning in a jiffy!' True to his word, the wolf huffs, and he puffs, and he blows the turbine with a gale-force blast of air that sends it spinning like a toy windmill.
  'My debt is paid, dear child - I shall now return to the forest
  which is the natural habitat of a fearsome predator such as I. I bid you adieu!' With that he gives a low bow, at which point the oil can falls from the top of the turbine and bops him on the head. With a cluck of annoyance he hitches up the hem of his nightdress, hops over the fence and disappears into the forest.
  
  > look at the turbine
  It appears to be a 5 KW battery-charging turbine made from wood, old tractor parts and a washing machine motor, probably connected to the cottage by an underground cable. Faint wisps of smoke are still issuing from the overheated generator!
  
  > go to the north
  From its floral carpet to its lovingly dusted knick-knacks, The Three Bears' sitting room is a chintzy abomination of taste, the sort of room that would make any sane bear want to go back and live in a cave. Two chairs are arranged around small coffee table; a large chair and a medium-sized chair. There used to be a tiny little chair but I'd rather not talk about it. There's a low-pitched hum coming from somewhere.
  
  On the small coffee table is a copy of 'Hail!' magazine.