text: [Themes: Alien Visitation, Satire, music, cute, aliens]
  
  > look around
  Stark. Metal. An examination table fills the center of the room. Above it crouch various tools on metal appendages, extended like the legs of some insect. Along one wall is a control panel. The exit is to the northeast.
  Sitting on the examination table is a velvet Elvis.
  
  > turn on the controls
  You flip a switch at random. The table shudders, as if trying to do something, then quits. A red light on the control panel winks on, then off. A tool descends, points angrily at the object on the table's surface, and retracts once more.
  
  > look at the controls
  So many controls. So many, many controls, and all unlabeled.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. There is a loud keening sound as a laser beam shoots from one of the tools and strikes the table. The beam traces up the middle of the table before shutting off again.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. An energy field flicks into brief existence around the table.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. The table is wrapped in what looks suspiciously like Saran-Wrap. The plastic sheeting dissolves and vanishes a short time later.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. A whirling circular saw descends, slices the air above the table, then retracts.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. The table undergoes a series of uncomfortable-looking contortions before straightening back out.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. The table shudders, as if trying to do something, then quits. A red light on the control panel winks on, then off. A tool descends, points angrily at the object on the table's surface, and retracts once more.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a salad shooter, a red lid, a rain stick, a garden hose, and a stress ball.
  
  > pull the lever
  You yank on a lever. The table shudders, as if trying to do something, then quits. A red light on the control panel winks on, then off. A tool descends, points angrily at the objects on the table's surface, and retracts once more.
  
  > take all from the table
  stress ball: Taken.
  
  > examine the map
  The map shows the innards of the spaceship. According to it, the bridge lies to the north of the silver hallway, the rec room is northwest of the hallway, the slumber chamber is northeast, the exam room is southwest, and the hold is southeast from the hallway.
  
  > give Elvis to Mom
  Your mom rejects the offer.
  
  > look at the window
  The window looks out on the backyard and on the ship.
  
  > examine paper
  Your dad is reading it with deliberate care.
  
  > turn the stick
  You give the rain stick a turn, listening to the beads fall.
  
  > hit Mom
  Temper, temper.
  
  > hit the dishes
  Which dishes do you mean, the stack of clean dishes, or the stack of dirty dishes?
  
  > go east
  A short hall lined with dark wood panelling. It connects the
  kitchen, to the west, with the living room, to the east. The backyard is north of here.
  
  > go north
  Normally the backyard is boring, but not tonight! Tonight the lawn
  has been crisped by the arrival of the silvery ship. It sits there, ramp down, gleaming under the bright backyard lights your dad installed a while back. Its shadow stretches across the brick patio and Weber grill. Your house is to the south.
  
  > Wait
  Time passes...
  
  > wait
  Time passes...
  
  From the kitchen, you hear a tremendous clattering banging crash. Something very bad has happened to your clean dishes, and something even worse will probably happen to you if mom catches you.
  
  > wait
  Time passes...
  
  Mom jumps up, her knitting forgotten. "What was that?" she asks on her way out the door.
  
  Dad calls after her. "Oh, probably a stack of dishes falling to the floor and breaking."
  
  > ask Dad about the grill
  He lowers his paper, looks out at you from under beetle brows, and goes back to reading.
  
  > give all to Dad
  salad shooter: Your dad rejects the offer.
  red lid: Your dad rejects the offer.
  rain stick: Your dad rejects the offer.
  garden hose: Your dad rejects the offer.
  velvet Elvis: Your dad rejects the offer.
  stress ball: Your dad rejects the offer.
  ship map: Your dad rejects the offer.
  
  > examine the patio
  Dad spent one summer putting it in. He got the bricks from an old house, so they were covered in mortar. He offered you ten cents a brick to scrape the mortar off--yeah, like you wanted to spend your vacation working for the Man. The Weber is on one side of the patio, a free-standing faucet on the other.
  
  > attach the hose to the faucet
  You screw one end of the hose onto the faucet.
  
  > turn on the faucet
  You turn on the faucet with a twist. Water begins gushing from the far end of the hose.
  
  > take the hose
  You already have the garden hose!
  
  > point the hose at the grill
  If you want to spray something with the hose, just say so.
  
  > spray the ship with hose
  You send a jet of water towards the ship. The water beads on the skin of the ship, then rolls down onto the ground.
  
  > Go south
  Not until you either drop the hose or you detach it from the faucet.
  
  > examine the ship
  It's much, much cooler close up. The surface is all crinkly and silvery. The top and bottom are flat; the sides angle out, then back in, and are ruffled. On its back are two bumper stickers. Its ramp lies open like a big silver tongue; you can enter to the north.
  
  > look at ramp
  It leads into the ship.
  
  > examine the patio
  Dad spent one summer putting it in. He got the bricks from an old house, so they were covered in mortar. He offered you ten cents a brick to scrape the mortar off--yeah, like you wanted to spend your vacation working for the Man. The Weber is on one side of the patio, a free-standing faucet on the other.
  
  > Inventory
  You have a salad shooter, a red lid, a rain stick, a garden hose, a velvet Elvis, a stress ball, and a ship map.
  
  > examine the map
  The map shows the innards of the spaceship. According to it, the bridge lies to the north of the silver hallway, the rec room is northwest of the hallway, the slumber chamber is northeast, the exam room is southwest, and the hold is southeast from the hallway.
  
  > turn the stick
  You give the rain stick a turn, listening to the beads fall.
  
  > examine the lights
  Your dad's always adding this and that to the house, trying to improve it. A while back, he added these lights to the backyard, presumably because he wanted to show the mosquitos where to gather. The current control for the lights is mounted below them.
  
  > examine the control
  It's just a knob to control how bright the lights get. Right now it's turned counterclockwise.
  
  > turn the knob clockwise
  You twist the current control all the way clockwise. The lights brighten to the point that the backyard is more lit up than it is during the day.
  
  > spray the lights with the hose
  It's too far away.
  
  > look
  Normally the backyard is boring, but not tonight! Tonight the lawn
  has been crisped by the arrival of the silvery ship. It sits there, ramp down, gleaming under the harsh backyard lights your dad installed a while back. Its shadow stretches across the brick patio and Weber grill. Your house is to the south.
  
  > Go south
  Not until you either drop the hose or you detach it from the faucet.
  
  > drop the hose
  Dropped.
  
  You are startled to see Zigurt come down the ramp, squinting and wiping away tears. Floban follows him, waving his tentacles about madly. "What did I tell you? The light out here has become unbearable. How do you expect me to concentrate on our plans with the sound of so many photons bombarding our ship's repulso-field?"
  
  "Your point is taken," Zigurt replies thoughtfully. He brings out a large ray gun, complete with flanges and doohickeys. He braces its barrel against one tentacle and fires at the lights. With a FZOOM! a shower of sparks falls from a nearby tree.
  
  In response, Zigurt clears his throat and wipes his tearing eyes once more. "Somewhat...tricky..." he mutters, taking aim once more.
  FZOOM! and more sparks fly from the tree, followed by a very put-out flock of nesting birds.
  
  Zigurt is drawing a bead on the lights once more when something hits one of them and breaks it with a quiet tinkle. In the reduced glare, both you and Zigurt turn to look at Floban, who has dropped a tentaclefull of medium-sized rocks. "Not for nothing was I on the All-Solar team at the Academy," he says with a touch of pride.
  
  "Indeed," says Zigurt as both cautiously detour around the water-spewing hose and re-enter the ship.