text: [Themes: fantasy]
  
  You wake up and grin. You did it. Your friends bet three cars that you wouldn't sleep in the haunted house and make it out alive. You're definitely alive. You look around and see the haunted store's giant lizard monsters. Wait a second! The haunted Radio Shack has no giant lizard monsters! It doesn't even have that weird whispering noise!
  
  "Attack the kitten! Yes go ahead and attack it! King Iwan Napee! It is your job to eat it! We will be invincible
  
  You push yourself back into a corner. This is definitely a room, but this is definitely not the haunted Radio Shack. You start to bite your fingernails, a bad habit. But that's when you realize that your fingernails are claws! Wait, what! You look at your hands, uh.. paws... You also have an urge to itch your ears with your feet! You've turned into a kitten! You look down to your belly. You're a kitten yes, a fat one. Too bad for you!
  
  for another year! Yes! Yes! Yes! Take it, take the fat thing! It doesn't know anything about us! The less curious
  
  One of the lizard beasts says to you, "Kitten! We are the Beasts! I am King Iwan and all twenty-eight of our endangered species will split you up and eat you!" They all lunge at you, but you jump up and hide behind them.
  
  the better! No! Don't let it get away! It might learn our secrets! Eat it so that we can all be invincible for a year!
  
  You look around again and spot a few other kittens camouflaged with the walls. You can smell them out, too. They're watching you. What the?! You think to yourself and think of a way to escape. Hmm...
  
  Do not let it know that our weakness is tomato sauce! Do not let it know! Don't let it think! Don't!"
  
  You spot three things. There are three knives stuck in a piece of sausage on a table, a miniature rocket ship fit for two small kittens in the corner, and a large frying pan hanging on the wall. What do you do?
  
  > hit randomly with the pan!
  You grab the frying pan and swing wildly, not caring about anything at all. These bad monsters need to die! You then notice a water pipe system on the wall. That should do it!
  
  You bang the pipe system and the water gushes out, hitting Iwan's eye. It pops out and you run around, looking for a way to get out. However, the pipe busts open and a huge fountain of water hits right at you. You slosh around until you reach a bathroom. The flood is so high that you actually get dumped into the toilet and the water flushes it for you.
  
  > Through the Sewer
  You cough several times as you wake up. Apparently, you've been washed up on the side of a river. You walk and walk and walk until you reach a small hut.
  
  You knock on the door and walk in. You smell the scent of stale milk and cold ice cream. You walk forwards and spot a she-kitten. "Are you a human?" She asks, saying are like ahh. She bats flies away from her whiskers.
  
  "How do you know?" you ask her, shivering.
  
  "You ain't the only one. Last year, some guy escaped and landed in the river. He ran into the ice cream shop. Too bad they caught him. If I was a rebel at that time, I would've saved him, but I wasn't. Good thing now I am!"
  
  She explains everything about the FAT, an acronym for Feline Agent Troop. They are kittens who protect Earth from giant lizard monsters called Beasts. She also tells you that every year, the kittens take a human and turn them into a kitten as a sacrifice to the Beasts. She tells you that the sacrifice is just something to stall the Beasts for a bit while the FAT are trying to figure out all their secrets.
  
  She pulls you into the back room.
  
  You hear her say something to some FAT agents, who seem really stuck up. They march off and the kitten pulls you out of the room.
  
  "Here, heat up by the cream churner oven. Here's my number. If you get into any hassle with those FAT guys, just call if there's a free public phone nearby." She walks off, making more ice cream.
  
  An hour later, you pad off towards a strange smelling area in the forest. Hmm... You look ahead and see a small village. Where do you go?
  
  You wake up and grin. You did it. Your friends bet three cars that you wouldn't sleep in the haunted house and make it out alive. You're definitely alive. You look around and see the haunted store's giant lizard monsters. Wait a second! The haunted Radio Shack has no giant lizard monsters! It doesn't even have that weird whispering noise!
  
  "Attack the kitten! Yes go ahead and attack it! King Iwan Napee! It is your job to eat it! We will be invincible
  
  You push yourself back into a corner. This is definitely a room, but this is definitely not the haunted Radio Shack. You start to bite your fingernails, a bad habit. But that's when you realize that your fingernails are claws! Wait, what! You look at your hands, uh.. paws... You also have an urge to itch your ears with your feet! You've turned into a kitten! You look down to your belly. You're a kitten yes, a fat one. Too bad for you!
  
  for another year! Yes! Yes! Yes! Take it, take the fat thing! It doesn't know anything about us! The less curious
  
  One of the lizard beasts says to you, "Kitten! We are the Beasts! I am King Iwan and all twenty-eight of our endangered species will split you up and eat you!" They all lunge at you, but you jump up and hide behind them.
  
  the better! No! Don't let it get away! It might learn our secrets! Eat it so that we can all be invincible for a year!
  
  You look around again and spot a few other kittens camouflaged with the walls. You can smell them out, too. They're watching you. What the?! You think to yourself and think of a way to escape. Hmm...
  
  Do not let it know that our weakness is tomato sauce! Do not let it know! Don't let it think! Don't!"
  
  You spot three things. There are three knives stuck in a piece of sausage on a table, a miniature rocket ship fit for two small kittens in the corner, and a large frying pan hanging on the wall. What do you do?
  
  > try one of the knives and escape!
  You grab the three knives and throw one at Iwan's eye. The eyeball immediately comes out and he screams in agony and pain. However, when you throw the sausage at them, they all get into a big fight over who gets it.
  
  "Butter Bomb! That's mine!" A lizard shouted.
  
  "Am I the only sensible one around here?!" Shouted Butter Bomb, grabbing the sausage piece once more.
  
  "My insides don't feel good!" King Iwan groaned.
  
  "HEY!" Shouted somebody, "STOP REVEALING THE CODE TO THE KITTEN!" You aren't at all curious about the code or anything like that.
  
  You jump out the window, but don't even stop to think about what height the room is. Apparently, the room was on the top floor of a twenty-nine story building. Too bad.
  
  You fall down and down and down into a clump of forest.
  
  > Land
  You bounce around on the leaves of a tree. You decide to bounce on it some more. Then you realize that leaves aren't bouncy. Who cares? You think and you jump up and down on the leaves.
  
  Then some grumpy voice shouts, "HEY! This is private property! These leaves are for the Mitten Factory! Wait a second! Stop right there!"
  
  You bounce off of the leaves and run as fast as you can. The police kitten runs at you and notices something on your shoulder. "Oh... If you're FAT, then you can stay around. Wait a second, all Feline Agent Troop members have the scale of a lizard on their shoulders!"
  
  "Tell me the truth!" The police kitten points a cane at you.
  
  You wake up and grin. You did it. Your friends bet three cars that you wouldn't sleep in the haunted house and make it out alive. You're definitely alive. You look around and see the haunted store's giant lizard monsters. Wait a second! The haunted Radio Shack has no giant lizard monsters! It doesn't even have that weird whispering noise!
  
  "Attack the kitten! Yes go ahead and attack it! King Iwan Napee! It is your job to eat it! We will be invincible
  
  You push yourself back into a corner. This is definitely a room, but this is definitely not the haunted Radio Shack. You start to bite your fingernails, a bad habit. But that's when you realize that your fingernails are claws! Wait, what! You look at your hands, uh.. paws... You also have an urge to itch your ears with your feet! You've turned into a kitten! You look down to your belly. You're a kitten yes, a fat one. Too bad for you!
  
  for another year! Yes! Yes! Yes! Take it, take the fat thing! It doesn't know anything about us! The less curious
  
  One of the lizard beasts says to you, "Kitten! We are the Beasts! I am King Iwan and all twenty-eight of our endangered species will split you up and eat you!" They all lunge at you, but you jump up and hide behind them.
  
  the better! No! Don't let it get away! It might learn our secrets! Eat it so that we can all be invincible for a year!
  
  You look around again and spot a few other kittens camouflaged with the walls. You can smell them out, too. They're watching you. What the?! You think to yourself and think of a way to escape. Hmm...
  
  Do not let it know that our weakness is tomato sauce! Do not let it know! Don't let it think! Don't!"
  
  You spot three things. There are three knives stuck in a piece of sausage on a table, a miniature rocket ship fit for two small kittens in the corner, and a large frying pan hanging on the wall. What do you do?
  
  > eat the sausage and throw away the knives
  You don't care about anything else, you're hungry. Sleeping in a haunted Radio Shack and turning into a kitten is hard work, you know! You grab the sausage and chomp it. Yum Yum Yum!
  
  However, the Beasts are also thinking 'Yum Yum Yum!" as they eat you. Too bad!
  
  > Death
  You get up. "Wait, aren't I supposed to be dead?" You ask yourself, but nobody is there. You look around until a random old cat with huge whiskers appears, meditating.
  
  He looks at you and says calmly, "To go forwards you must first go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  "Go back..."
  
  You finally get annoyed ("Go back...") and you decide to meditate. After meditating for a week straight, you shudder. You feel like you can go back and solve everything, but there's also a way to end everything. What do you do?[Themes: fantasy, humor]
  
  Something nudges you awake. You rub your eyes and lazily peer through the gloom of your bedroom. There's a man standing over your bed, staring at you, unblinking. A few moments pass, and he still hasn't said anything.
  
  [Author's Note: You awake one evening in bed to find a vampire hunter standing over you, ready to strike you down. Can you convince him you're not a vampire? This is a game of dialog and wit, with twenty different endings.]
  
  > say "Um, hello?"
  "Hello," the man says in a gravely voice. He continues to stare. As your eyes adjust to the darkness you notice he appears to be wearing a ridiculous amount of weapons and equipment on his person. He has a revolver holstered at his waist, a crossbow on his back, a vest full of ammunition, and a wooden stake in his hand.
  
  > say "Uh, what's with all the weapons?"
  He looks down at himself, as if he's surprised to see how well armed he is.
  
  "I'm hunting a vampire," he says.
  
  > say "And, uh, where would that vampire be now?"
  He points at you.
  
  "Me?" you ask.
  
  He nods.
  
  > say "But I'm not a vampire!"
  "Tell me why I should believe you," the man says. "What proof do you have?"
  
  > say "Why would a vampire be sleeping at night?"
  "Good point," he says, and his shoulders slump. He sits down at the side of your bed, dejected. "Damn. I was so sure that there'd be a vampire here. They said at the academy that my tracking skills were top-notch; that I was a natural! And I followed what I thought was a vampire's trail to this exact spot." he jabs his finger at your bed with the three last words. "But now I can see that I'm a failure. My first vampire, and I couldn't even track it properly." He covers his face with his hands, and you aren't quite certain, but he may be crying.
  
  > say "There, there."
  He wipes his face and says, "You're right. I need to stay strong and alert. I'm terribly sorry for all the trouble I've caused; breaking in through your window... knocking your dog unconscious... bothering you..."
  
  "What?"
  
  "But I've got to get back out there and find a new lead." He stands and fixes his clothing. "Um, I don't want to impose further or anything, but could I bother you for some coffee?"
  
  You roll your eyes and get out of bed. "Come on," you say, walking to the kitchen. He follows and sits down at your table. Over coffee the two of you discuss many things, mainly his training to be a vampire hunter. He was a postman before he got into the whole undead business. You find most of his stories of studying vampires in Rome actually quite dull.
  
  You yawn, and he sees that he's keeping you up. He gets up to leave. "Well, thanks for the coffee and everything."
  
  "And thank you for not killing me."
  
  he nods and smiles. "Farewell," he says, before climbing back out your window.
  
  > Back to bed.
  You get back under your covers and try to drift off to sleep. It's difficult, what with drinking all that coffee. Plus, the vampire hunter left the window open and it's kind of chilly in here.
  
  You're about to drift off to sleep when you hear a voice as cold as night and as sharp as a knife drifts through the air. "Tttthhhhaaaannnk yoooouuuu..." it says. Something moves underneath your bed.
  
  You shudder. Where's a vampire hunter when you need one?