text: [Themes: Cave crawl, Humor, fantasy, cave, humor]
  
  > look around
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east. It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
  A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
  A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some runes have been chiseled into his chest.
  
  You can see a stone saxophone here.
  
  > Go east
  This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
  A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted in it, hilt up.
  
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  > Go north
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the south.
  Some runes are written on the wall.
  A hippoman, half man, half hippo, stands knitting something yellow. He is fat, purple and has two very thick legs. He is wearing your helmet. A young angry-looking woman stands holding a large placard saying "Adventurers go home!" She is clearly one of those monster rights activists that have been making your job so much harder lately.
  The gremlin has climbed quite high up on the wall. He is a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears. He is wearing a tiny ring and is smoking a tiny cigarette.
  A large metal chest stands up against a wall. It is closed.
  A large machine is at the back of the cave. Its mechanisms looks very complex. Actually it is very easy to use. You know this because on a previous product-testing mission you came across a machine just like it and spend four hours trying to figure out how it worked. The machine is for sharpening tools and weapons. Just put what you want sharpened into it and wait.
  
  You can see a big tacky holy grail here.
  
  > hit the woman with the staff
  The monster rights activist vanishes.
  
  The goblin sidekick appears.
  
  You notice that the monster rights activist is inside the orb now, tiny and unmoving.
  
  > Open chest
  You open the chest. It contains nothing but a carrot. Wait a second, that's a very strange carrot! It has arms. And legs. And wings! The arms and legs are like those of a human, only smaller. It has no face. Suddenly the carrot flies up, and starts zipping around the cave. Sparks begin to fall from all over its body and each spark disappears before hitting the ground.
  
  > read the book
  You must say what page to read, like "read page 1" or "read 1"
  
  > look
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the south.
  Some runes are written on the wall.
  A hippoman, half man, half hippo, stands knitting something yellow. He is fat, purple and has two very thick legs. He is wearing your helmet. The gremlin has climbed quite high up on the wall. He is a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears. He is wearing a tiny ring and is smoking a tiny cigarette.
  A carrot with tiny wings flies around. Its arms and legs look like those of a human, only much smaller. It has no head or face. A steady shower of shimmering sparks falls from all over its body; each spark disappears before hitting the ground.
  A large metal chest stands up against a wall. It is open and empty.
  A large machine is at the back of the cave. Its mechanisms looks very complex. Actually it is very easy to use. You know this because on a previous product-testing mission you came across a machine just like it and spend four hours trying to figure out how it worked. The machine is for sharpening tools and weapons. Just put what you want sharpened into it and wait.
  
  You can see the goblin sidekick and a big tacky holy grail here.
  
  > read 37
  Does it have a beak?
  Yes: read page 38
  No: read page 42
  
  > read 42
  Does it have a head?
  Yes: read page 43
  No: read page 44
  
  > read 44
  It could be a Vegetable Fairy. Supposedly they are small with humanoid arms and legs and with a vegetable for a body; a different vegetable for each Vegetable Fairy. According to legend you gain a magical power if you lick a Vegetable Fairy: if you lick the Celery Fairy the lower half of your body becomes weightless, if you lick the Rutabaga Fairy you become immune to soap, and so on. Since the Vegetable Fairy is almost certainly fictional I am not going to say how to defeat it. You have probably just found some bird that has gotten it's head cut off.
  
  > Lick carrot
  You bend down towards the carrot, sticking out your tongue. The carrot doesn't fly away. You lick the carrot. It tastes carroty. Suddenly your eyesight is marginally better. Of course you already had pretty good eyesight.
  
  > Lick carrot
  The goblin licks the carrot. "Hey," says the goblin. "My eyesight! It's good again! I can see everything clearly now!"
  
  > hit the goblin with the staff
  (the goblin sidekick with the staff)
  The goblin sidekick vanishes.
  
  The monster rights activist appears.
  
  You notice that the goblin sidekick is inside the orb now, tiny and unmoving.
  
  The monster rights activist smacks you with her placard shouting, "Kidnapping sicko!", before running off in the direction you found her.
  
  > Go northwest
  This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further into the mountain to the northwest.
  A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate, but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be reached. The statue's head is gone.
  An old Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor. He is sitting in the lotus position, his head is turned towards the statue, and his eyes are closed. He is wearing a white loincloth.
  Several fragments from the safe are lying here. Quite a lot of turquoise sludge is on the floor; most of it round the northwest exit.
  
  Though you cannot see it, you know that a Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility hangs on the hook. It is supposed to turn visible (or turn invisible again) whenever you say the magic word "tango".
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > Go northwest
  This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
  A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy. Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also white and don't have pupils.
  Big and small pieces of the safe are spread all around this room. The safe door has embedded itself halfway into the cave wall. There are quite a lot of pieces of porcelain spread around too. Lots and lots of dead fish lie around, many with bits of the safe sticking out of them. There is some disgusting turquoise sludge covering almost everything in the room, including the ceiling. Now and then globs of it fall to the floor.
  
  Suddenly your eyesight is marginally worse again.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  A big blob of sludge falls from the ceiling and splashes into the sludge below.
  
  > Go northwest
  The only exit from this cave is to the southeast.
  Some runes are written on the wall.
  Several fragments from the safe are lying here. Quite a bit of turquoise sludge is on the floor; most of it around the southeast exit.
  
  You hear the goblin shout "Oh no, my eye-sight is back to normal!"
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > Go southeast
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  Some sludge drip from the ceiling.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > go north
  You can see a big tacky holy grail here.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > go to the south
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  > Go northwest
  Lots of sludge drip from the ceiling.