text: [Themes: Humor, Literary, Children's]
  
  > Descend
  I'm in the entrance hall of the Three Bears' house. Hung around the walls are portraits of various members of the Bear clan, along with some highly disturbing hunting trophies. A narrow staircase leads up to the bears' bedroom. The front door is closed. Just inside the front door is an open trapdoor.
  The Big Bad Wolf is here, doing his best to look mean and dangerous. The Big Bad Wolf strolls out of the room to the west.
  
  > open the door
  The front door is open. It creaks slightly in the draught.
  
  > look at the door
  The front door is open, but a strong draught threatens to blow it shut at any moment.
  
  > Leave
  I'm standing on the porch of the Three Bears' cottage. It would be quite pretty in a rustic sort of way had someone not seen fit to paint it gold. The front door is closed. Just south of me is the clearing in the forest.
  A battered old dustbin sits to one side of the porch.
  
  door shut behind me!
  
  > look at the dustbin
  An environmentally sound way of disposing of all the objects I'm finished with. The battered old dustbin is empty.
  
  > put the bottle in the dustbin
  I put the broken bottle into the battered old dustbin.
  
  > look at the plot
  It's in a sunny spot by the side of the cottage.
  
  > Light pork
  Wowee! Who'd have thought the packet of frozen pork chops would burn so well! Uh-oh; the flames are spreading like wildfire - I burned down the cottage, the entire forest and everything in it, including me. That'll teach me to play with matches!!
  Oh, bollocks. I'm dead!
  I have so far scored 24 out of a possible 100, in 385 turns.
  
  Would I like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
  
  > open the packet
  Which do you mean, the packet of frozen pork chops or the small packet?
  
  > cook the pork
  How?
  
  > Examine can
  It's out of my reach I'm afraid. Papa Bear must have left it up there when he built the turbine.
  
  > throw Ball at the can
  I hurl the cue ball at the can of oil in the hope of knocking it off the platform, but I've never been much good at that sort of thing. the cue ball misses the oil can completely and lands a short distance away.
  
  > 2
  You need to find something to wedge it open with.
  No more hints!
  
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) How do I stop the front door from blowing shut?
  (3) What should I do with the pond?
  (4) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (5) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (6) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > 3
  If you really want to know, don't ask me. Watch TV and read a magazine.
  No more hints!
  
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) How do I stop the front door from blowing shut?
  (3) What should I do with the pond?
  (4) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (5) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (6) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > enter the chimney
  Okay... Oof! Fortunately for you I had a soft landing on the thatched roof of the cottage...
  On the roof
  I'm perched precariously on the roof of the cottage, trying desperately not to look down. There is a chimney here attached to which is a TV aerial. It kind of spoils the chocolate box look of the place if you know what I mean. The top of the beanstalk can be seen poking up above the roofline.
  Okay here goes... Wheee! I slid right down the chimney and out of the fireplace! That was fun. Can I do it again?
  In the kitchen
  I am in the bears' tiny kitchen, a cosy little room that could have come straight from the pages of Country Living. It's big on original features and totally lacking in "mod cons." A large dining table sits in the centre of the room and there is a dresser against the wall. Opposite the dresser is an enormous brick fireplace that seems to fill half the room.
  
  On the dining table are a large bowl (which is empty), a medium-sized bowl (which is empty) and a tiny little bowl of just-right porridge. The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from the north.
  
  > Wedge door with cheese
  Okay, I wedged the door open with the stale cheese.
  The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from the west.
  
  > give the mouse to Wolf
  (first taking the dead mouse)
  The Big Bad Wolf doesn't seem interested.
  
  > tell Wolf about the windmill
  This provokes no reaction.
  'Little pigs! Little pigs!' calls the Big Bad Wolf as he disappears upwards. 'Come on out, there's nothing to be afraid of!'
  
  > Go west
  I am in the bears' tiny kitchen, a cosy little room that could have come straight from the pages of Country Living. It's big on original features and totally lacking in "mod cons." A large dining table sits in the centre of the room and there is a dresser against the wall. Opposite the dresser is an enormous brick fireplace that seems to fill half the room.
  
  On the dining table are a large bowl (which is empty), a medium-sized bowl (which is empty) and a tiny little bowl of just-right porridge.
  
  > Go east
  I'm in the entrance hall of the Three Bears' house. Hung around the walls are portraits of various members of the Bear clan, along with some highly disturbing hunting trophies. A narrow staircase leads up to the bears' bedroom. The front door has been wedged open. Just inside the front door is an open trapdoor.
  
  > go to the north
  From its floral carpet to its lovingly dusted knick-knacks, The Three Bears' sitting room is a chintzy abomination of taste, the sort of room that would make any sane bear want to go back and live in a cave. Three chairs are arranged around a small coffee table; a large chair, a medium-sized chair and a tiny little chair.
  
  > Inventory
  I am carrying:
  a dead mouse
  a copy of 'Hail!' magazine
  an old brass key
  a pair of gardening gloves
  a cue ball
  a rather thin blanket
  a bearskin rug (being worn)
  an antimacassar
  a packet of frozen pork chops
  a mousetrap (which is open but empty)
  a matchbox
  a spoon
  a gigantic bowl
  a crumpled note
  a small packet (which is open but empty)
  a trowel
  some sticks of dynamite
  a ratty old paintbrush
  a pair of secateurs
  an overripe pumpkin
  a broken bottle
  a wristwatch (being worn)
  a "distressed" Laura Ashley dress (being worn)
  
  > Light magazine
  Wowee! Who'd have thought the copy of 'Hail!' magazine would burn so well! Uh-oh; the flames are spreading like wildfire - I burned down the cottage, the entire forest and everything in it, including me. That'll teach me to play with matches!!
  Oh, bollocks. I'm dead!
  I have so far scored 27 out of a possible 100, in 408 turns.
  
  Would I like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
  
  > Hint
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) What should I do with the pond?
  (3) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (4) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (5) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > 1
  You need to generate some power first.
  Another Hint? [Y/N]
  
  > Y.
  With a little help from an old friend...
  No more hints!
  
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) What should I do with the pond?
  (3) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (4) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (5) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > 4
  Remember your fairy tales!
  Another Hint? [Y/N]
  
  > Y.
  Only a kiss from a handsome prince can wake her!
  No more hints!
  
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) What should I do with the pond?
  (3) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (4) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (5) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > Inventory
  I am carrying:
  a dead mouse
  a copy of 'Hail!' magazine
  an old brass key
  a pair of gardening gloves
  a cue ball
  a rather thin blanket
  a bearskin rug (being worn)
  an antimacassar
  a packet of frozen pork chops
  a mousetrap (which is open but empty)
  a matchbox
  a spoon
  a gigantic bowl
  a crumpled note
  a small packet (which is open but empty)
  a trowel
  some sticks of dynamite
  a ratty old paintbrush
  a pair of secateurs
  an overripe pumpkin
  a broken bottle
  a wristwatch (being worn)
  a "distressed" Laura Ashley dress (being worn)
  
  > Go east
  I'm in the entrance hall of the Three Bears' house. Hung around the walls are portraits of various members of the Bear clan, along with some highly disturbing hunting trophies. A narrow staircase leads up to the bears' bedroom. The front door has been wedged open. Just inside the front door is an open trapdoor.
  The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from above.
  
  > feel
  What do you want to feel?
  
  > Up
  I'm in the entrance hall of the Three Bears' house. Hung around the walls are portraits of various members of the Bear clan, along with some highly disturbing hunting trophies. A narrow staircase leads up to the bears' bedroom. The front door has been wedged open. Just inside the front door is an open trapdoor.
  The Big Bad Wolf is here, doing his best to look mean and dangerous. 'Little pigs! Little pigs!' calls the Big Bad Wolf as he disappears upwards. 'Come on out, there's nothing to be afraid of!'
  
  > check your inventory
  I am carrying:
  a dead mouse
  a copy of 'Hail!' magazine
  an old brass key
  a pair of gardening gloves
  a cue ball
  a rather thin blanket
  a bearskin rug (being worn)
  an antimacassar
  a packet of frozen pork chops
  a mousetrap (which is open but empty)
  a matchbox
  a spoon
  a gigantic bowl
  a crumpled note
  a small packet (which is open but empty)
  a trowel
  some sticks of dynamite
  a ratty old paintbrush
  a pair of secateurs
  an overripe pumpkin
  a broken bottle
  a wristwatch (being worn)
  a "distressed" Laura Ashley dress (being worn)
  The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from above.
  
  > Examine watch
  It is about 11:55 AM.
  
  > examine the dress
  It's the latest in charity shop chic. Okay, so the hemline used to be a little bit lower. I got a bit scissor-happy, okay?
  I'm feeling really sleepy...
  
  > examine the rug
  A slightly motheaten pelt with wildly staring glass eyes, previously worn by Grampa bear I presume. Waste not want not, I suppose, but kind of icky all the same. Someone has rather creatively shaved the word 'welcome' on his back. I wonder if they waited until after he was dead...?
  'Here, piggy piggy piggy!' says the wolf, wandering off to the north. I can hardly keep my eyes open...
  
  > Up
  I'm in the Three Bears' bedroom, a small attic room with steeply sloping walls. They have the weirdest sleeping arrangements. There's a tiny little bed, a medium-sized bed and a full sized snooker table. A narrow staircase leads down to the hall.
  A tiny dormer window looks out onto the clearing.
  For some unaccountable reason, Sleeping Beauty is lying fast asleep on the tiny little bed.
  So tired...
  
  > lie on medium bed
  Sorry, what was that you said? I'm having trouble concentrating...
  A large shadow looms over me...
  
  Before I can turn around, someone lays a large heavy paw on my shoulder. I turn my head to see three shaggy forms bearing down on me, if you'll excuse the pun, their hot, fetid breath in my face.
  'Who's been eating my porridge?' snarls Papa Bear.
  'Who's been sitting in my chair?' growls Mama Bear.
  'Who's been planning to sleep off her hangover in my bed, but
  didn't quite get around to it yet?' says Baby Bear. 'Left it a little too late, didn't you Goldilocks? Should have kept an eye on the time - it's noon and we're back from our walk now, and we're very, very upset! What shall we do with her, Pater?'
  'I think she'd look lovely on our trophy wall,' says Papa Bear. 'especially with all that lovely hair.'
  He produces a red hot poker from behind his back. 'But first I
  think we'll take her down to the dungeon and have ourselves a little fun...'
  
  Uh-oh. There's no getting out of this one! Somehow, I think the adventure is over...
  I have so far scored 27 out of a possible 100, in 420 turns.
  
  Would I like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
  
  > Examine watch
  It is about 11:49 AM.
  
  > 2
  If you really want to know, don't ask me. Watch TV and read a magazine.
  No more hints!
  
  (1) Why doesn't the button on the large chair do anything?
  (2) What should I do with the pond?
  (3) How do I make sure the bears don't find me when they get home?
  (4) How do I get rid of Sleeping Beauty?
  (5) Is there any way to extend the time limit?
  
  > 0
  The Big Bad Wolf prowls into the room from the east.
  
  > lie on the tiny bed
  I'm not snuggling up next to her! There's not enough room, for one thing, and she snores, for another!
  
  > lie on the medium bed
  I lie down on the medium-sized bed and immediately begin to sink into its suffocating folds. I manage to claw my way out, gasping for breath. There's no way I'm sleeping in that bed tonight!
  
  > go to the west
  I am in the bears' tiny kitchen, a cosy little room that could have come straight from the pages of Country Living. It's big on original features and totally lacking in "mod cons." A large dining table sits in the centre of the room and there is a dresser against the wall. Opposite the dresser is an enormous brick fireplace that seems to fill half the room.
  The Big Bad Wolf is here, doing his best to look mean and dangerous.
  
  On the dining table are a large bowl (which is empty), a medium-sized bowl (which is empty) and a tiny little bowl of just-right porridge. 'Here, piggy piggy piggy!' says the wolf, wandering off to the north. I'm feeling really sleepy...