text: [Themes: Satire, Fantasy]
  
  > Look around
  The path ends in a small, dark clearing. The tree branches hang overhead, the thick canopy of leaves blocking almost all the light.
  The ground here is muddy and soft; your feet sink in a few inches. A granite shrine stands in the very center of the clearing. Curled around the base of the shrine is a large spotted snake, a huge monster at least twelve feet long. The only path leads back to the west.
  
  > go west
  You're walking on a winding path that wends its way through a particularly thick part of the forest. The trees bend low overhead, and the sunlight filtering down through the colorful leaves is dim at best. The path runs north and east. To the south is a mound of moss-covered rocks and what looks like the entrance to a small grotto or cave.
  
  > Go north
  You are standing in a peaceful glade in the Forest of Radeekal. The fall colors are glorious this time of year; the trees are ablaze with red, orange, and yellow.
  
  Through the trees, you catch glimpses of cheerful woodland
  creatures, frolicking and gathering nuts and berries for the coming winter. If only you could stay here forever - but there's much to be done. Set in the forest floor is the iron grate leading back down to the realm of the Valley King. It's closed and locked. [2]  A well-traveled path leads southwest, and a narrower track, nearly overgrown, leads due south.
  
  > go to the south-west
  You're standing outside the Valley King's forest retreat. It's a simple hut where His Regalness sheds the trappings of modern civilization and gets back to nature. You don't entirely understand his thinking; you're a warrior, not a philosopher. But he is, after all, the king. Paths wind through the woods to the north, west, and northeast. The hut is to the south. Through the trees to the west, you can see sunlight glinting off the waters of Lake Draounheer.
  
  > look at the hut
  thatch. For the life of you, you can't imagine why the Valley King would leave his comfortable underground tunnels for this dump. You've never been allowed inside before - but His Pomposity *did* say you had the run of the kingdom -
  
  > Go south
  You're standing inside the Valley King's forest retreat. It's a
  simple hut, bare of furnishings, even more humble on the inside than on the out. The only exit is to the north, back out to the forest. There's a chalkboard against the back wall.
  
  You see a pair of erasers here.
  
  > look at the chalkboard
  An image of the fair Lady Amanda is drawn on the chalkboard. Written underneath is the phrase "Kuul or Unnkul?" with several lines scratched through it. Underneath that is a single word - "Hawt."
  
  > look at erasers
  They're quite chalky. They could use a good clapping.
  
  > clap them
  pair of erasers: <COUGH!> A huge cloud of chalk dust fills the air.
  
  > examine them
  pair of erasers: They're quite chalky. They could use a good clapping.
  
  > get them
  pair of erasers: Taken.
  
  > go to the north
  You're standing outside the Valley King's forest retreat. It's a simple hut where His Regalness sheds the trappings of modern civilization and gets back to nature. You don't entirely understand his thinking; you're a warrior, not a philosopher. But he is, after all, the king. Paths wind through the woods to the north, west, and northeast. The hut is to the south. Through the trees to the west, you can see sunlight glinting off the waters of Lake Draounheer.
  
  > Go north
  You're walking along a well-travelled forest path that winds through the peaceful woods. Birds chirp and sing above you, and the temperature is brisk but pleasant. Like many of the children of the Valley, you played in these woods as a child, scampering through the woods, looking for animal tracks, and climbing trees. The path bends here, running south and northeast. The trees also thin out to the west, and the land slopes up in that direction. There's a radberry bush here. Its berries are plump and ripe, and they hang from the bush in bountiful clumps.
  
  > look at the radberries
  Native to the forest of Radeekal, radberries are a delicacy in all of Unnkulia. There aren't many live bushes left these days, and the few there are are carefully cultivated. These particular berries are ripe and quite tasty-looking, hanging in clumps from the bush.
  
  > get the berries
  You reach for the succulent berries, mouth watering. Suddenly, the Valley Patrol appears, walking toward you from the south. They gasp as they see you picking berries. "Whadya think yer doin', buddy?" the burly leader says. "Yer under arrest!" The Patrol surrounds you, pointing their pikes at your soft, fleshy parts. You protest, claiming that you're the Valley King's servant - but it's too late for that now. The guards pummel you into unconsciousness and dump you in the lake. Mercifully, you drown before the King learns of your incredible stupidity.
  
  > climb the trees
  There's one especially large oak. Gritting your teeth, you pull yourself up through its branches and find yourself -
  
  You're seated on the branch of an old oak tree. You don't dare
  climb any higher; the wind's picking up, and you're afraid of heights as it is. Below you, the forest floor appears to be quite hard. Your stomach is feeling a bit queasy, and you're having trouble keeping your balance. With effort, you pry your eyelids open and look around you. To the west, through the branches, you can see the sandy beaches of Lake Draounheer. To the northeast, you catch a glimpse of what appears to be a wooden roof. Further along the branch is an unfinished bird's nest. The only way out of here is (gulp) back down.
  
  > look at the Lake
  The beaches of Lake Draounheer look quite inviting. The waters are sparkling and crystal-clear.
  
  > examine the nest
  The bird's nest is unfinished, but what's been done so far has been done with loving care. It'll make a fine home for some feathered beast when complete. There's nothing in the bird's nest. A sudden attack of vertigo grabs your guts, and you plummet to the ground. Thankfully, you land on your head, so your death is quick and relatively painless.
  
  > look at the beaches
  The beaches of Lake Draounheer look quite inviting. The waters are sparkling and crystal-clear. A sudden attack of vertigo grabs your guts, and you plummet to the ground. Thankfully, you land on your head, so your death is quick and relatively painless.
  
  > go to the northeast
  You're just outside a quaint wooden building nestled deep in the forest. The road runs north and southwest here - the forest is much too thick to travel in any other direction. The inn door stands open to the east. Sunshine glints from freshly-scrubbed window panes. A sign hangs above the door, waving gently in the breeze.
  
  > examine the sign
  The sign portrays a winged yellow serpent, coiled on a green field. Ornate lettering underneath reads "The Golden Dragon Inn."
  
  > Examine can
  Tiny lettering on the side of the can reads:
  
  "Acme Dam Phowl Snayk Rheepehlant. Guaranteed results! Shake
  before using. To use, spray target with repellant. In case of failure, send proof of purchase to ACME Inc., c/o The Golden Dragon Inn, Radeekal Forest, Unnkulia."
  
  > Go east
  You're standing in the main room of the Golden Dragon Inn. The room
  is warm and welcoming after the brisk fall breezes, though the place is mostly deserted. The barkeep is nowhere to be found, and there's no one seated at the bar. Still, the floor, bar, and tables look clean, and it's good to get out of the cold. The exit is to the west, and a narrow passage runs northeast.
  
  A wine bottle and a soft pretzel are sitting on the bar.
  
  The only customer is a glum little man sitting alone at a table. He looks like one of those damned Acme salesmen the King's been trying to throw out of the Valley. [5]
  
  > Examine salesman
  The salesman is dressed in a mauve jacket, orange shirt, purple tie, and green pants. He's drinking a beer and muttering to himself. He looks quite depressed.
  
  > show can to the salesman
  The salesman turns white. "You're not returning it, are you?" He grabs the can, points the nozzle at his face, and sprays. "*Cough!* Seems to work okay. Surely you don't - " He breaks off, seeing the look on your face. "You do, don't you? You want your money back." Suddenly, the salesman's face lights up. "Ah! But I can't give you your money without a receipt! Do you have one?"
  
  > Note 5
  [5]: For more about this clown, see "Unnkulia One-Half: The Salesman Triumphant" (freeware!)
  
  > examine bottle
  It's Valley Bordeaux 569 - a very good year. It's unopened; the cork's still fitted into the neck.
  
  > examine pretzel
  It's one of those big, soft pretzels the Golden Dragon is so famous for. They're really tasty, and they last practically forever. It would be a meal in itself.
  
  > look at the bar
  The bar is made from mahogany, and is clean and polished. On the bar you see a wine bottle and a soft pretzel.
  
  > get all
  wine bottle: Taken.
  soft pretzel: Taken.
  
  > ask Salesman about Acme
  The salesman shrugs. "I dunno. Get lost, chucko."
  
  > ask Salesman about the repellant
  The salesman's face twists into a half-hearted grin. "Uh, yeah. One of our best products."
  
  > show the ring to Salesman
  The ACME salesman ignores your offer. "Go away," he mutters.