text: [Themes: modern]
  
  Today is the first day back from winter vacation. And as usual, at the typical time after school, the Driftwood High Theater Club is having its Monday meeting in a circular formation in the middle of the stage. Strangely, the teacher and Nadia, the aggravating teacher's pet, have been talking in the back room for five whole minutes already, and the start of the meeting is long overdue.
  
  "Should I go interrupt them?" asks Megan. She's talkative and social, but not annoying. Usually.
  
  "Don't bother them, they're probably having an important discussion," says Violet. She's the newest member of the club who joined a few weeks before the winter break. She seems pretty friendly and put-together. She basically seems like one of those people who has everything figured out. A younger member, but seems like an older one.
  
  "But they've been talking for almost ten minutes," counters Hayden, with a significant time exaggeration. The closest thing this club has to a class clown, but often not that funny. He acts immature a lot of the time, so the group often has to babysit, stop, scold, and put up with him. Honestly, it is really inappropriate for his age, but no one can really do anything about it. "We should- wahahahaha!" He suddenly breaks down into laughter. "We should all gather up and sneak up behind the door, and then when they come out we all scream "What took you guys so long?!'" He whisper-screams to the rest of the circle. This is a perfect example of one of his unfunny prank ideas.
  
  "No. Don't do that," says Evan, Nadia's boyfriend who acts a little bit like an unpaid teacher assistant. "You're just going to make them mad and get in trouble." You wonder if he's always been a stickler for the rules or he just wants Mr. Barker to favor him. The teacher does seem to appreciate his assistance, so you suppose he would have succeeded in gaining favor. So now they're a couple of two teacher's pets. Maybe they're secretly only dating to add to that image.
  
  "It's been almost twenty minutes!" says Hayden. You're pretty sure he increased the time to twenty minutes as a joke—that's the type of joke he would make. "What are we going to do, sit here until they get done talking?!"
  
  "Yes," says Evan. "Well, we don't have to just sit here, let's talk about something. For example, like- Hey! Stop! We're not interrupting them!" he suddenly yells, crossing in front of Hayden to interrupt his indiscreet stroll to the back room.
  
  "Oh come on..." mutters Hayden, trying to slip past Evan.
  
  "They're probably going to be done soon, they're probably almost done," says Evan. "Just let them talk."
  
  "Yeah, let's just be considerate of them," agrees Violet.
  
  "But we've already been letting them talk, it's been long enough," says Hayden.
  
  "I mean, if they have to talk, they could also do it after the club meeting..." Wendy mutters with subdued dissatisfaction. Wendy is an organized overachiever. She has many different after-school activities, so she always leaves almost as soon as the theater club meeting ends.
  
  Everyone else begins to pitch in and state their opinion on the matter. Except for you, and Laura, the shyest club member with stage fright and also talking-fright. You're not really shy though. You just decided not to speak.
  
  "It's fine, guys. We can just sit here and talk, it's not a big deal," says Megan.
  
  "But it's taking them too long, we should at least go ask them what they're doing," says Sam. The only senior in the club, who is pretty stoic and hardly smiles except when acting. Honestly, he is no fun, but at least he is not a miser.
  
  "Yeah, they at least have to tell us what they're even doing," says Thomas. The tech-y guy in the club. He is part of the club's lights/sound team, but he also does a bunch of other computer-related things outside of the club, like programming.
  
  "Well, um, hey! Julie! You're not allowed to eat food in the theater," says Hayden, randomly accusing you. Everyone turns to you and you stare back at them. You are clearly not holding or eating anything. Hayden takes advantage of the distraction to push past Evan. "Hey!" Evan says, chasing after him.
  
  "Guys!" yells Violet, going after them along with Megan. The circle formation is fractured. Everyone else turns their heads to the direction of the backroom, where some commotion is clearly about to start.
  
  [Author's Note: You are a student at Driftwood High School, which is a school. When a shocking announcement rattles the theater club, you decide to take actions to break the control of the authorities.]
  
  > go see the commotion
  Ignoring the stares of your classmates, you get up and walk through one of the curtains at the side of the stage leading to the backstage.
  
  "Come on Hayden, it's not going to be funny if we interrupt them and they're actually talking about something important," says Violet, who has formed a human barricade with Megan and Evan to block the way to the back room.
  
  "But guys," protests Hayden. "Mr. Barker'll understand. He's nice. We're not even going to get in trouble, so we might as well just figure out what's going on. Why don't we just knock on the door gently?"
  
  "That's not what you said you were going to do," says Evan.
  
  "If you don't trust me, then you can go knock on the door yourself," says Hayden.
  
  "I can't do that because then the human wall will be broken," says Evan with an unintentional touch of humor.
  
  Not again. It's happened before. Hayden acts up, Mr. Barker, Evan, and Nadia, Violet, or anyone who cares at the moment comes to wave the finger at him. Everyone is annoyed with him and scolds him, he doesn't really pay them any mind, and a while later, it happens again. Like a regular tradition.
  
  "Well then, I guess we're just going to stand here in a face-off until they open the door or you guys agree to let me through..." says Hayden, shrugging. "I can stand here all day..."
  
  "Well, so can we, right guys?" says Evan to the others.
  
  "This is so stupid..." says Megan. "Hey Julie...it would be cool if you took my place in the anti-Hayden barricade. You'll get...um...Evan's approval!" She says this with full knowledge that she hasn't spoken to you more than five times in the few years you've been in the club together. Although, neither has anyone else in the club. You're not a loner on purpose, but with the club meetings usually not affording much free time to just hang out and talk, it was simply natural that you never really befriended any of these students that you had no other contact with outside of the club.
  
  "If you help me, I'll give you nothing," says Hayden. "But you'll be a cool kid. Just like you always wanted." He's just saying words. Even if he could look into your soul, you don't care about being particularly popular or unpopular as long as you aren't outright discriminated against.
  
  "Julie, you already are a cool kid. Help US not him," says Megan. "See, my legs are cramping. Ow, ouch, oh, the cramps hurt so much..." she groans with poor acting.
  
  You don't really care to participate in this picking-sides nonsense, as it is clearly a joke to both parties anyway. It's not like you're friends with either of them, so the only result of your playing along would be mild amusement, anyway, not any legitimate increase in affinity that could be of benefit to you.
  
  > go back to sitting in the broken circle
  "Whatever, I'm going back," you say, turning around.
  
  "Aw, no! But my leeeegs!" yells Megan obnoxiously, thinking that she is funny.
  
  The curtain swishes as you push it aside and return to the main stage. Everyone sitting looks up at you. However, no one cares enough to ask about what happened, so you quietly sit back down in your usual spot without a fuss. You wonder if you should break the silence with some conversation, but before you can think about it, you hear the voice of Mr. Barker, who is now presumably leaving the back room.
  
  > listen with attention
  "Sorry for the wait, everyone. There was something important we had to discuss, but we lost track of time a little bit. Get back to the circle, guys. I have an annoucement to make."
  
  > wait in circular formation
  Everyone is settled and sitting back in the circle, and Nadia and Mr. Barker are standing next to each other.
  
  "So!" starts the teacher, clapping his hands together. "We have an announcement and it concerns our next production, I'll let Nadia do the honors." Why her? Is she the new teacher's assistant now?
  
  "Thank you, Mr. Barker." This isn't an awards ceremony, no need to be so prissy and proper. "Well, me and Mr. Barker have discussed this, and we've talked about it a lot, whether it would be a good idea, or, um...yeah." she rambles a little bit before taking a deep breath. "But anyway, so we've discussed it a lot, and we've decided that the next play will be The Rolling Leaves, which is written by me."
  
  You start looking around to see if others are surprised as you. Everyone else is focused on the speakers.
  
  "So, first of all, I'm very grateful to Mr. Barker and the school for giving me this opportunity." She starts to say more stuff about thanking people. Seriously, this isn't an awards ceremony!!!
  
  "And you guys too," she says, gesturing toward the rest of the circle. "for supporting me and helping me to develop as a person and an actor." It's actress, not actor!
  
  Many concerns, or rather, objections, bubble up in your mind. But we don't even know what the play is about! Why didn't we get a say in this?! Why you?! This is so unfair! This is dumb! This is going to be lame!
  
  Before you can decide to voice any of these, Mr. Barker starts to talk again. "So, I understand that some of you may be disappointed that we couldn't do other productions, that some of you were looking forward to. I am aware that there are some highly requested ones, and we will be able to do most of those this year. Fortunately, Nadia's play is relatively short, and we anticipate that we'll only spend about one month on it. So, we will be a little crunched for time, but I trust you guys are disciplined enough to put in the out-of-school practice." He continues to talk about the logistics of doing the play.
  
  Has it already been decided then? This is completely...well. It's favoritism! What the hell?! Why her? Obviously it's because she's the teacher's favorite!
  
  You feel a little heated and tell yourself to take deep breaths. Deep breaths, deep breaths, calm do- What the hell?! Why her?
  
  "So anyway, we're looking to hold auditions and get roles by the end of this week, and then you'll have the next two to three weeks to rehearse before we perform," says Mr. Barker. "Nadia will be directing, and working with me to figure out additional rehearsal times and the general schedule from here forward. So she won't be acting in her own play. Which is a shame, as I'm sure it would have been lovely to see," he says, turning to Nadia. Stop flattering her. Everyone knows she's the star actress in the club, although it isn't saying much considering the club only has about ten members.
  
  He continues. "But, she'll be less of a member and more of a leader for the next month or so, so make sure to respect her, listen to her, you know, she's not gonna tolerate any funny business..." He laughs. "Yeah. So! Today we'll be doing a cold reading of the play, just so you know what the roles are like. We're looking to hold auditions on Friday or sometime at the end of this week. Everyone can pick up a script right here," he says, holding up a pile. "Just come up and grab one."
  
  You shuffle into line. You don't care what the play is about, you know you won't like it anyway.
  
  In the spot in front of you, you hear Sam talking in a hushed voice. "Hey...um...Mr. Barker, can we talk after the meeting today?"
  
  "Of course. I'll meet you in the back room," Mr. Barker replies snappily.
  
  As you take your script with a black-and-white picture of leaves blowing in the wind on the front, you wonder what they're going to discuss.
  
  Wait. No. It couldn't be. The club isn't doing Sam's play after this, are they? No...no way. But, Sam has been in the club for four years, so he does have relatively more favor with the teacher than everyone else.
  
  Just what is up with this whole Nadia's play thing anyway? You've heard people say that the world works off money and connections, but you had never experienced it actually being true!
  
  What the hell, Mr. Barker didn't even let anyone read it before deciding that everyone would perform it. He could have at least held a vote-
  
  "Julie? Is something the matter?" Mr. Barker says, as you have been stalling at the front of the line, staring off into the double Ls in the word "Rolling" for some time as you hold the papers so hard they wrinkle. "What's up?"
  
  "Oh- nothing," you say, quickly exiting. You actually have a lot you would like to say to him, but it's obvious you won't change his mind now, and it isn't a good time anyways.
  
  > Cold read
  After everyone has decided on roles, the cold reading begins.
  
  "What's up, guys? I'm Roxy," says Megan to the audience, miming smoking a cigarette, as Roxy is supposed to do. "And here's my school."
  
  "Roxy! You're late!" yells Evan, acting as a teacher.
  
  "Sorry, Mr. H-something." says Megan, giggling to her friends.
  
  "It's Mr. Hunprolaenmofdrotekmermo, how can you not know that? It's already the second week of school!" Evan says, trying painfully hard to make the lame joke funny.
  
  "Sorry, Mr. Hunpro...lan...mofdro..." Megan says slowly.
  
  "Oh, save it. No one ever remembers my name..." says Evan, sniffling.
  
  "Real classy, coming in late with a coffee..." says Wendy, acting as Roxy's friend Lavender.
  
  "Oh shush, Lav."
  
  "Today we'll be learning about threats to the environment," says Evan.
  
  "Oh my god, boring..." says Megan.
  
  In the play, Roxy continues to act bored while Mr. Hun-whatever continues to tell her the topic is serious, until the bell rings. Roxy goes out on a date with her boyfriend Skylar, and they go to the park, where they admire the beautiful nature and rolling leaves. Your character litters, and Roxy asks you to stop, which you begrudgingly do. Roxy meets some other characters, like an old man in the park with a terminal illness, which teaches her the value of life. And a young woman who has had to keep birds in an artificially built forest in her house because free birds in the city are dying due to pollution on the branches. Skylar plucks some flowers for Roxy, which she gladly accepts. At first, she is not sure if it is an environmentally healthy choice or not, but in the end she decides that it should be okay.
  
  Until one day, she goes to the park and sees three trees chopped down, and starts freaking out.
  
  "Renovation, ma'am," says Thomas, playing one of the men chopping down the trees.
  
  "No! The trees!" yells Megan nonsensically. "You can't do that! I have so many memories in this park!"
  
  "It's slated for renovation.
  
  "Renovation? For what?!"
  
  "To build an outdoors ampitheater."
  
  "What? Can't you just build around the trees?"
  
  "It's just a few trees, not a whole forest."
  
  "No! It's not just a few trees!"
  
  Roxy starts to tell her life story to the man to try to gain sympathy, to which he says it's already been decided that the trees will be cut. She tells all her friends and anyone at school who will listen about it. They try protesting, arguing, and pleading with the city leaders, but in the end they can't stop the trees from being cut.
  
  "They're gone..." says Megan, staring at the construction site. "Why? Why did they have to destroy nature just for a building? We just had to have some benches!" She looks at the rolling leaves on the ground, fallen from the trees that were cut down.
  
  "Life goes on, Roxy," says Wendy.
  
  "Maybe. But I'll never forget this..." says Megan, as the play ends. Everyone looks up with a blank face.
  
  No wonder no one got to read this before. It isn't good at all, and it's pretty boring too-
  
  "Wow, that was really good!" says Violet loudly. "It was just so emotional, I almost teared up." No, what? She must be being sarcastic or something, there's no way-
  
  "Oh my gosh, don't cry!" Nadia says to Laura, who is silently crying to herself. "No no no, don't cry, it's okay..."
  
  "I liked how you talked about a problem in our society," says Thomas. That's the kind of praise someone comes up with when they don't have anything to praise.
  
  "Yeah, it was really deep," says Megan. Maybe she just didn't understand it.
  
  "Seriously, good job, really good job," says Evan. Well, they're dating, what can he say.
  
  "Aww, thank you," says Nadia, going in for a kiss on the cheek...seriously?
  
  "Hey hey hey, no PDA," says Evan, scooting away.
  
  "I'll allow it. Just this once," says Mr. Barker. Just like he allows this play? You don't want to watch, let alone rehearse this. You want out of this, definitely. No way are you devoting houts of your life to fulfilling HER vision!
  
  Mr. Barker explains the audition process. As soon as he's finished, Wendy stands up and draws everyone's attention.
  
  "Sorry, I just remembered I have to go somewhere. Drawing class," she says, heading for the door. The time is 3:54.
  
  "You do drawing?" asks Megan. Wendy has never mentioned it or left at this time before.
  
  "Oh, I didn't know you had drawing so close to the end of our meeting time," says Mr. Barker. "When do you ha-" The door closes. It slams.
  
  Weird. You could follow her, maybe.
  
  "Mr. Barker, is this about the end of the meeting?" Sam asks, standing up with the script tucked under his arm.
  
  "Well, yes, just about. We can go talk now if you'd like..."
  
  Ohh. But you could also go eavesdrop on Sam and Mr. Barker. You swear if they're going to discuss another student-made production you'll open up the door and give them a piece of your mind themselves. Well, not necessarily. But you want to know what they're talking about. Who knows, maybe there could be some funny business like bribery going on in there. You don't know. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, you could go find out.
  
  But Wendy slammed the door, was she angry? Maybe you could go figure out what was up with her. It could be interesting, Maybe you can even get on her good side, and get something from her. Like dirt on Nadia! She has to have some weaknesses, right? Or maybe she's going somewhere unusual and you can get some information you can use for some purpose. The possibilities are endless, but you have to follow after her as soon as possible!
  
  > stay to eavesdrop on Sam and Mr. Barker
  You hide behind the side curtain on the opposite side from the back room when no one is looking. The tall black curtain covers you from head to toe, looking completely normal to anyone passing by.
  
  "All right everyone, have a nice day! Prepare for auditions!" calls Mr. Barker. "Okay, let's go, kiddo," he says to Sam at a more normal volume.
  
  "Kiddo? Really?" says Sam, not amused.
  
  "Well, we're anywhere from ten to twenty years of age apart..." You peek out from behind the curtain as Mr. Barker talks, opening it a tiny smidge. You can't see them, but you can hear them nearing the back room. Everyone else seems to be gone out the doors by now. You tiptoe out of your hiding spot and navigate to the now closed and locked door of the back room.
  
  Wait.
  
  Oh shoot. You can barely hear anything but extremely muffled voices, even with your ear to the door.
  
  You put your head on the ground, to the thin crack under the door, and you can make out occasional words and little scraps of sentences. You can't tell who is speaking, though.
  
  "...I don't know..."
  
  "...it's just..."
  
  "...don't know..."
  
  "...I think..."
  
  Okay, you can't tell anything about the conversation from this. You almost poke your head back up when you hear the forbidden swear word...she who must not be named...
  
  "...Nadia..."
  
  "...she's...student...a...girl..."
  
  "...I know...it's just..."
  
  The voices seem to be getting closer. You quickly get up and scamper away from the door. You hide behind a large shelf prop standing close by.
  
  "Never mind..." you hear clearly from Sam. The door opens and footsteps exit.
  
  "Sam, wait-" says Mr. Barker.
  
  "No, this was stupid, never mind..." Sam goes to the main stage and down the stage steps, heading for the door outside.
  
  "I didn't mean to say anything hurtful, if you have something more to say, you can say it."
  
  "I just don't understand why...why can't I do my play? I mean, I get that Nadia's is the school-approved style or whatever, and mine is not, but, I just don't get it. Did the school principal really look at my script and say it was too weird or something? It just seems weird that the school cares so much."
  
  Oh jeez. He was doing a play? Writing one? And it didn't get approved or something? Why? You are positively biting your nails in anticipation from your position (crouched on the floor near the bottom of a dusty wooden shelf).
  
  > listen while keeping quiet
  "Well...that's actually not the reason we're not doing your play..." Mr. Barker trails off.
  
  "So you lied to me?! I knew it!" yells Sam. "I should have trusted my suspicions back when you told me the school didn't approve!"
  
  "It's my fault. I take complete responsibility. At the time, well...let's take this back to the back room."
  
  "No. No one else is here anyways."
  
  "Well...the truth is that the school never saw your play or your script. Only I did. And I read it, and I realized that...it was just not up to par with the plays we normally do. It was completely understandable, since it was your first script, or at least I think it was, but I realized that it would look pretty...bad, if we were doing classics, and the first student-written production we did seemed a lot more amateur and..."
  
  "What?! How is Nadia's not amateur?!
  
  "It's...to tell the truth, it's obviously not on the level of a professional, but it's more...widely accessible. I know your script has a lot more implications...themes...figurative devices...metaphors...and it can be confusing for someone who doesn't understand what's going on."
  
  "So just because it's more artistic, my play was rejected?"
  
  "Well...when I read it, I found it hard to follow, and I realized if I was having trouble, then students watching, who had never had any experience with drama, would be even more confused. And the other issue was that it would seem like a quality drop in comparison to previous productions, I'm not saying Nadia's is better or worse than yours, but it just...it's a lot easier to understand, and people might not mind as much if they don't like it, because at least they can easily understand everything that's going on, and figure out that this happened and that happened. Whereas with yours, if someone doesn't get it, chances are they aren't going to like it much, since they need to get it to like it."
  
  "So all of that, is just your opinion, right? So my entire play was rejected on the basis that YOU didn't like it and YOU didn't get it?"
  
  "I did think of showing it to other people, but I knew if I did that, you would have questioned why I was doing that. And then you would have- yeah, the reason I hid this from you in the first place is that I didn't want you to be discouraged. I didn't want to have to tell you, you know, it's just not good enough, it doesn't work. It- It wasn't like you could have revised it to be better, the whole concept is just kind of opaque, hard to sell. I didn't want to discourage you, because you were only, only ninth grade, fourteen years old, I know how easily shaken kids of that age can be."
  
  "Easily shaken? I was in ninth grade, I wasn't two! People have, like, financial disasters and crisises and home problems and get injuries and stuff, before they even go to high school, so...you thought I was so sensitive I couldn't handle one criticism?! Do you have something against me? I did-
  
  "It was a mistake, I thought- you know-"
  
  "I DID EVERYTHING! I was the tech lead before Thomas got here, I participated in every play, I acted in the lead role at least, ten times, I helped you CARRY STUFF, when you needed a hand! I put everything, I put everything and all my dedication into this club, this program, whatever, the school should be thankful someone cares so much about their fine arts! I didn't do all this so I could be LIED to, and TRICKED, and you know what, fuck this. Fuck you!"
  
  You hear footsteps and the door slamming...a few moments later, you hear Mr. Barker sigh, and footsteps coming closer. You make yourself as small as possible and hide. He goes into the back room, and the door closes. He might be organizing something. Or crying to himself. Anyway, you quickly leave your hiding spot and go out the auditorium door to find Sam.
  
  > find him
  You don't have to go far to find him, sitting at the top of a flight of stairs leading to the school's second floor.
  
  "What are you doing here?" you ask, sitting down next to him.
  
  "None of your business," he snaps. "Go away."
  
  "I heard everything."
  
  "What? What do you mean, everything?"
  
  "I was eavesdropping on you two the whole time. I was just curious, I didn't expect you guys to talk about all that," you add in an attempt to sound innocent.
  
  "Oh, so you know what he did, then. I've been held back by him, all this time and I didn't know. I had a vision! How could he tell me my vision was wrong?!"
  
  "Yeah, that sucks..." you reply on instinct before realizing you should try to be more empathetic. "I mean, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Do you still have your script? Maybe he might consider it again now that things are different."
  
  "I don't think he will, he said he hates the whole idea of it, not just one part," he says, taking off his backpack and digging through it. He hands you a neatly stapled script, with every page laminated for some reason.
  
  > ask how much the lamination cost
  "How much did all this lamination cost?" you ask, flipping the pages.
  
  "Hey! Be careful with that!" he yells. "Also, I don't know. My parents paid for it."
  
  "Oh," you say.
  
  > read a bit of the script
  The play is called Snore Poison Leaping.
  
  "So, is this play about falling asleep, getting poisoned, and jumping from a building? Or is that just what the audience does?" you quip.
  
  "Don't make fun of it before you read it," Sam says, gritting his teeth.
  
  You turn to the first page and begin to read. Okay, so the scene is in a dark cave.
  
  HSYL? What does that stand for- oh, it's the character's name.
  
  JIB-04: I'm breathing! I'm breathing!
  
  JIB-04: Hsyl, where? Hsyl, where?
  
  HSYL: Right! Right!
  
  Okay, so now the scene changes to a forest.
  
  JIM: Kathryn! Does your soul doth in the range of my pulse?!
  
  KATHRYN: Place the seg-aimel on the roa-sondon, Percy!
  
  JIM: I, I've lost the light! Thou ast gone! [cries]
  
  KATHRYN: Yes! Yes! Into the darkness you rise! You rise to search for thost miracle in your rotten soul!
  
  JIM: Adjourn all, release gnosis effervescent ebullient petrichor nomadical tortoise hapernapermapehlia!
  
  "Um..." you say, looking up.
  
  "Heh, yeah, it's something alright, isn't it?" he says with a scowl. "One man, just one man...he wanted to bury this greatness from the world..." Oh boy, you hope these two years of theater club have paid off in your acting.
  
  "..." you say, pretending to be speechless with amazement. "It's...it's....I just can't find the words..."
  
  "Right? Ridiculous. Ridiculous, I swear, I will kill that man. I'll make him wish he was dead. I'll get my revenge on him one way or another, and when he's gone and out of the way, then the theater club will do MY play!" he declares, increasing in volume.
  
  "Hey, don't say that too loudly-" you try to warn.
  
  "Are you trying to stifle me, too?! You have no idea, you HAVE! NO! IDEA! I have been crushed underfoot too long, and now that it's my time, NOTHING! WILL! STOP! ME!" he yells.
  
  "HEY!" yells the custodian from downstairs. "Keep quiet! People are trying to WORK here! Stop being such a nuisance, or get out of the school!"
  
  Sam goes quiet.
  
  > Say "I told you so"
  "I told you so," you snicker quietly.
  
  "SHUT UP!" he yells, pushing you so hard you go rolling down the stairs. Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, snap.
  
  As your head hits the floor under the last step, your neck snaps and you die instantly.
  
  "Hey! Are you all right?!" yells the custodian, running up to your corpse as Sam quickly runs away from the scene.
  
  Eventually, Sam gets in trouble for killing you, and you have a nice funeral with all of your friends and family crying and cursing Sam out. You are dead, so you don't get to experience any of this.