text: > Look around
  You are at the end of a dimly-lit hall before an open cell containing a skeleton chained to a combination washer-dryer. The nearby guard post is empty.
  
  You can see a ring of keys and a ball here.
  
  > take the keys
  Taken.
  
  > go to the west
  You make your way to the foot of the stairs to the west.
  
  > Go up
  You crest the top of the stairs and emerge into the courtyard, where the goblin engineer is panicking.
  
  "Call the guard! The heroes have escaped!" she shouts, running back and forth before skidding to a halt. "Oh, chickenspit. Rhoda is the bloody guard."
  
  She pulls a flint-wheel lighter out of her workvest and, shielding the flame from the rain, ignites the pilot light of the armour's flamethrower. Then she hops in the back and works the controls.
  
  The contraption sputters and shakes as it struggles to right itself with one of its legs askew. Still, the goblin manages to coax the armour into an awkward limp, guiding it to the south.
  
  > go to the south
  You continue to the foyer of the inner keep. To the west is a darkened hallway, to the east is a well-lit hallway and to the south are the closed double doors to the bailey. A circular staircase curves around a lift to the balcony above.
  
  The goblin engineer inspects the double doors from atop the armour.
  
  "Hmmm," she says, tugging on her ears. "The doors remain locked? The rotten heroes must be in the keep! Rhoda shall wait here and roast 'em on their escape." She pulls on the trigger of her flamethrower, and a ten-hands jet of flame bursts out of the barrel.
  
  > go south
  You squeeze through the doggy door and return to the northern end of the bailey, with the rest of the bailey to the south, southeast and southwest. Tuck is thrilled to see you again.
  
  > drop the keys
  Dropped.
  
  > sniff the keys
  You sniff the ring of keys, and Tuck picks them up.
  
  "Are you saying these will open the doors?" He looks to the south. "No, I cannot go in without Ser Leonhart. We have to rescue him first!" He returns the keys to the ground.
  
  > Go north
  You squeeze through the doggy door into the foyer of the inner keep. To the north is an outdoor courtyard, to the west a darkened hallway and to the east a well-lit hallway. A circular staircase curves upwards around a clockwork lift.
  
  The goblin engineer keeps watch over the foyer from atop her mechanical suit of armour, her back facing the double doors.
  
  > Go north
  You make your way to a cobblestoned courtyard enclosed by rose bushes with a fountain in the centre. To the north is the ballroom. Stairs descend below the wall to the west.
  
  > go east
  You head to the end of the hall. The nearby guard post is empty.
  
  You can see a ball here.
  
  > Go west
  You proceed to the foot of the stairs to the west.
  
  > go upwards
  You climb the stairs to a cobblestoned courtyard enclosed by rose bushes with a fountain in the centre. To the north is the ballroom, and to the south is the foyer.
  
  > Go south
  You continue to the foyer of the inner keep. To the west is a darkened hallway, to the east is a well-lit hallway and to the south are the closed double doors to the bailey. A circular staircase curves around a lift to the balcony above.
  
  The goblin engineer keeps watch over the foyer from atop her mechanical suit of armour, her back facing the double doors.
  
  > go south
  You squeeze through the doggy door and return to the northern end of the bailey, with the rest of the bailey to the south, southeast and southwest. Tuck is thrilled to see you again.
  
  You see a ring of keys here.
  
  > drop the ball
  Dropped.
  
  > Sniff ball
  You sniff the ball, and Tuck picks it up.
  
  > go to the southeast
  Tuck follows you to the eastern end of the bailey. You can continue west towards the dogtower or southwest towards the drawbridge.
  
  > go west
  Tuck follows you to the dogtower, where Ser Leonhart is struggling to free himself from beneath the dragon.
  
  The dragon, seeing Tuck hurry by with the ball in hand, bolts upright, panting and wagging its tail.
  
  "W-w-what now, milord?" asks Tuck. He moves the ball left and right, and the dragon follows it with its eyes. It shifts its weight from claw to claw, and its tail buffets the ground.
  
  "The dragon has you in its sights!" shouts Ser Leonhart, filled with worry for his young charge. "Run, Tuck! Run I say! The beast is about to pounce!"
  
  The squire spins round in a panic, but one foot catches on the other, and he falls. The ball, escaping his grip, bounces away to the south. The dragon immediately gives chase.
  
  Beaming with pride, Ser Leonhart climbs to his feet and brushes himself off. "Excellent work, my resourceful rookie. You are always full of surprises." Tuck blushes as he too rises, though his brow remains furrowed; he is not quite sure what it is he actually did.
  
  > Go north
  Ser Leonhart and Tuck follow you across the bailey, arriving at the double doors of the inner keep. The dogtower stands behind you to the south, with the rest of the bailey to the southeast and southwest.
  
  Startled by the sounds of clinking chain and heavy footfalls, you turn to see the dragon running towards you with the ball in its jaws. Ser Leonhart grips the hilt of his sword. "The beast is more ferocious than I expected," he says. "We are left with no other choice."
  
  "You shall defeat it in battle, milord?" asks Tuck.
  
  "Of course not," replies the knight. "I suggest a hasty retreat."
  
  Thus, the knight and his squire begin to run in tight circles as is their usual manner of escape. You would be more surprised if you had not already witnessed their methods working with an inexplicable degree of success against the creatures of the mountain (the ogre was prone to dizziness, the cyclops suffered from an inferior perception of depth and the medusa simply could not entice them to look at her).
  
  The dragon, dropping the ball, joins in the circle behind them for what must seem a very fun game to play. You manage to hop over its chain with each pass.
  
  > Go south
  Ser Leonhart and Tuck run after you to the dogtower, the dragon not far behind. From here, you can go back north, or continue south, east or west.
  
  > go south
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the southern end of the bailey. You can go north to the dogtower or around it to the northeast or northwest.
  
  > Go northwest
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the west end of the bailey. As you circle the dogtower, the chain holding the dragon becomes a little shorter. You can go east to the dogtower or around it to the northeast or southeast.
  
  A red pail lies on its side.
  
  > go northeast
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the double doors of the inner keep, and the chain becomes a little shorter. You can go south to the dogtower or around it to the southeast or southwest.
  
  You can see a ball and a ring of keys here.
  
  > Go southeast
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the east end of the bailey, and the chain becomes a little shorter. You can go west to the dogtower or around it to the northwest or southwest.
  
  > go southwest
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the southern end of the bailey, and the chain becomes a little shorter. Once more around should finish the job. You can go north to the dogtower or around it to the northeast or northwest.
  
  > Go northwest
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the west end of the bailey, and the chain becomes a little shorter. You can go east to the dogtower or around it to the northeast or southeast.
  
  A red pail lies on its side.
  
  > Go northeast
  You lead Ser Leonhart, Tuck and the dragon to the double doors of the inner keep, and the chain becomes a little shorter. You can go south to the dogtower or around it to the southeast or southwest.
  
  You can see a ring of keys here.
  
  > Go southwest
  You lead your entourage to the southern end of the bailey. At long last the chain has shortened enough to prevent the dragon from chasing our heroes. The knight and his squire take the opportunity to admire their accomplishment.
  
  "I cannot believe (wheeze) we stopped the dragon (wheeze) with its own chain," says Tuck while trying to catch his breath.
  
  "Not even dragons (wheeze) can escape the tangled (wheeze) irons of justice," replies Ser Leonhart, also gasping for air but putting a valiant effort into not showing it.
  
  > go to the northwest
  Ser Leonhart and Tuck follow you to the western end of the bailey. You can continue east towards the dogtower or northeast towards the inner keep's entrance.
  
  A red pail lies on its side.
  
  > take the pail
  It's too big and unwieldy for you to carry.
  
  > sniff the pail
  You sniff the pail.
  
  Ser Leonhart points his sword at the thing. "Not one of your better disguises, wizard," he says. "I shall cut you down where you, uh, lie already." He strikes the pail, sending it tumbling over itself several paces away.
  
  Tuck chases it down and turns it over in his hands. "This... does not seem a dead wizard, milord," he says.
  
  The knight rubs his chin. "I should have guessed from the label," he replies. "It is a chamber pot."
  
  Recoiling in both disgust and horror, Tuck throws the pail to the ground and wipes his hands on his doublet.
  
  > go to the northeast
  Ser Leonhart and Tuck follow you across the bailey, arriving at the double doors of the inner keep. The dogtower stands behind you to the south, with the rest of the bailey to the southeast and southwest.
  
  You can see a ring of keys here.
  
  The heroes linger before the keep's imposing façade. Tuck cranes his neck nearly to the point of falling over.
  
  "Golly! The keep is impossibly large," he says. "How ever shall we find the princess?"
  
  "Kidnapped princesses are always remanded to the highest tower. It is how these things are done," replies the knight.
  
  "But, milord," says Tuck as a new thought crosses his mind. "When I meet her, what should I say? Surely you have met Her Highness before."
  
  Ser Leonhart's eyes take on a hazy quality. "Nay, I have not the privilege. Very few have lain eyes upon our beautiful and virtuous Princess Joy. The king has wisely kept her under lock and key since birth, safe within the walls of the Royal Palace. That the evil wizard violated her sanctuary by transforming into a dragon and carrying her away from her tower reveals the true depths of his depravity." He shakes a fist. "But, upon meeting her, all you must do is lower yourself to one knee and then stay there. Failing everything else, try to appear as inconsequential as possible." He returns his attention to the keep.
  
  Tuck practices appearing inconsequential, and as it turns out, he is a natural.
  
  > Smell keys
  You sniff the ring of keys, and Tuck hands the bunch to Ser Leonhart.
  
  "Might these let us through the doors?" he asks.
  
  "Such a clever lad, you are," responds the knight. He tries the keys in the lock, finding the right one when it turns. You hear the groan of a lifting latch. "Be ready, my faithful follower, for we know not what evils await us inside." Tuck darts behind Ser Leonhart as he ties the keys onto his belt and flings the doors open.
  
  The goblin engineer, on the lookout for the five escaped heroes, was not expecting any more heroes to arrive, and certainly not through the locked double doors. She spins the armour round to face her new foes, but the disjointed leg cannot support her swift manoeuvre, and she stumbles backwards, inadvertently pulling the trigger of her flamethrower and loosing an arrow of fire onto the staircase. The flames spread across the carpet.
  
  "Look what the stinky humes made Rhoda do!" she shrieks, unleashing a blast at Ser Leonhart. The knight ducks behind his shield.
  
  "Tuck, keep away!" he shouts. "My shield can withstand the creature's fire!" He circles the armour, shield raised.
  
  You lead Tuck into the foyer but maintain a healthy distance from the ensuing battle.
  
  > Go south
  Tuck follows you out onto the bailey. The dogtower stands before you to the south, with the rest of the bailey to the southeast and southwest.
  
  > Smell pail
  You sniff the pail, but Tuck hesitates. Annoyed, you sniff it again, and then again, until he comes over and picks it up with the tips of his fingers.
  
  "The chamber pot? Is this supposed to help?" He looks back towards the keep, full of worry for his master.
  
  > Go northeast
  Tuck follows you across the bailey, arriving at the open double doors of the inner keep. The dogtower stands behind you to the south, with the rest of the bailey to the southeast and southwest.
  
  > Go north
  Tuck follows you to the foyer of the inner keep. To the north is a courtyard, to the west is a darkened hallway and to the east is a well-lit hallway. A circular staircase curves around a lift to the balcony above.
  
  The goblin engineer is locked in battle with Ser Leonhart, though the knight can only maintain a defensive position while the armour is spewing flame.
  
  > go to the north
  Tuck follows you to a cobblestoned courtyard enclosed by rose bushes with a fountain in the centre. To the north is the ballroom. Stairs descend below the wall to the west.
  
  > Smell fountain
  You sniff the fountain and then the pail. It takes a moment for the idea to settle in.
  
  "Oh, water!" Tuck exclaims. He scoops up the water, filling the pail to the top.
  
  > go south
  At first, Tuck refuses to step into the foyer. He watches with eyes wide as saucers as the fierce battle rages on between Ser Leonhart and the goblin astride the mechanical menace. The armour hurls many lances of flame at the knight, who remains unscathed only by the grace of his shield.
  
  A look of determination spreads across the young squire's face. "Here I am, milord!" he cries. "I shall assist you!" Summoning all the courage he can muster, he inhales deeply, lifts the pail of water high above his head and charges forward, managing at least a solid three steps, possibly four, before tripping over his own feet and flinging water everywhere.
  
  The pail bounces once, twice, then rolls to a stop directly underneath the armour's approaching foot. The machine topples goblin-over-heels and crashes to the floor.
  
  Out of its flamethrower erupts a wild stream of fire. It sprays upwards across the fleuret-patterned wallpaper and the elegantly draped white fabric, arcs back down along the bouquets of baby's breath and blasts the welcome poster off of its stand, only narrowly missing the wooden crate. Clearly no measure of fire retardants were applied to the wedding decorations, for the fire spreads quickly up the walls, seeming to catch on everything.
  
  After a moment of quiet contemplation, the goblin engineer extricates herself from the fallen armour and brushes herself off. "And Rhoda is done," she says. "Have fun storming the castle!" Then she sprints through the double doors and disappears into the strengthening downpour outside.
  
  Ser Leonhart immediately sets upon himself the task of putting out the fire, which involves stomping about in his armoured greaves. "Hurry, Tuck, we must halt the flames, lest the princess burn to death within her prison!"
  
  Tuck investigates the possibility of using the fallen armour, comparing its oversized metal boots to his own for stomping out flames. Unfortunately, he seems unable to decipher the controls, and he soon becomes too distraught for independent action. He looks at you.
  
  > Smell pail
  You sniff the pail, and Tuck picks it up.
  
  > Go north
  You return to the courtyard with Tuck not far behind. Lightning flashes, and thunder rolls across the heavens. The rain comes down in thick sheets, leaving a thumb or two of standing water that accumulates faster than it drains.
  
  The foyer is back to the south, billowing smoke out around you. A colonnade borders the ballroom to the north, and stairs descend beneath the wall to the west, water cascading down them. In the centre stands the fountain.
  
  > Smell fountain
  You sniff the fountain and then the pail. Tuck scoops up the water, filling the pail to the top.
  
  > Go south
  Tuck follows you to the foyer of the inner keep, which happens to be on fire. The drum of the downpour striking the skylight high above competes with the roar of the surrounding flames. A suit of mechanical armour lies abandoned near a wooden crate. Ser Leonhart runs back and forth, attempting to stomp out the flames with his boots.
  
  > Smell pail
  You sniff the pail, and Tuck flings the water at the nearest patch of flame before dropping the empty pail. There is a spurt of steam, and not much else.
  
  At this rate, it would take years to stop the fire's spread. There has to be a better way.
  
  > examine the armour
  You have a much better view of the armour now that the goblin engineer no longer lingers to shoo you away. Even so, you know not how it works. You can, however, identify the control panel and the flamethrower—its trigger within reach and its barrel pointed at the floor. Its pilot light is lit.
  
  > Smell panel
  You sniff the controls.
  
  Tuck knows not where to begin. He turns cranks and pulls levers, and the suit bucks and whirs. Now the flamethrower is pointed directly at the wooden crate.
  
  > Smell panel
  You sniff the controls. Tuck pulls a lever, and the flamethrower points at the ceiling.
  
  > Smell panel
  You sniff the controls. Tuck pulls a lever, and the flamethrower points at the floor.
  
  > Smell panel
  You sniff the controls. Tuck pulls a lever, and the flamethrower points directly at the wooden crate.
  
  > Smell pilot
  It is out of reach.
  
  > examine the suit
  You have a much better view of the armour now that the goblin engineer no longer lingers to shoo you away. Even so, you know not how it works. You can, however, identify the control panel and the flamethrower—its trigger within reach and its barrel pointed at the ceiling. Its pilot light is lit.
  
  > Smell trigger
  You sniff the trigger, which Tuck pulls. An arrow of flame shoots many hands into the air.
  
  Startled by yet another burst from the armour, Ser Leonhart throws up his shield before noticing his squire at the controls. "The goal is less fire, not more!" he cries.
  
  > Light
  (the fleas)
  Being a pig, you are limited in what you can do.
  
  > look at the light
  The pilot light is lit.
  
  > Smell panel
  You sniff the controls. Tuck pulls a lever, and the flamethrower points at the floor.
  
  > keep going
  You sniff the controls. Tuck pulls a lever, and the flamethrower points directly at the wooden crate.
  
  > Smell trigger
  You sniff the trigger, which Tuck pulls. An arrow of flame finds it mark upon the crate full of fireworks. Grabbing Tuck's hose with your teeth, you pull him to the corner of the room, and not a moment too soon.
  
  The foyer vanishes behind an explosion of light, colour and sound. Blues swirl and greens pop. Yellows sizzle and purples streak this way and that. A phoenix of red light spreads its wings and screams upwards, bursting through the skylight and raining glass down around you (along with the actual rain).
  
  Slowly but surely, rain triumphs over fire, and as the downpour returns to a light drizzle, you are left standing on charred carpet and slick stone. There is little spared by the flames.
  
  "That was too close," says Tuck, shivering in the wet.
  
  Ser Leonhart brushes bits of glass off his armour. "It was fortunate the wizard's plan failed," he says.
  
  "How do you mean, milord?"
  
  "He attempted to slay us with daggers of glass, but he instead put out the fire with the rain," replies the knight. "It is a mercy that even the most clever of men can make mistakes."
  
  A loud crash interrupts the conversation, and the lowest section of the staircase, having lost its structural integrity, collapses into a pile of rubble.
  
  > Go west
  Ser Leonhart and Tuck follow you into the darkness. There is quite a bit of bumping into things, not to mention each other, and after several minutes of trying to go somewhere useful, you give up and head back into the light of the foyer.
  
  > Go east
  You guide the knight and his squire down the long hallway towards the closed door to the east, passing by the row of portraits. Tuck winces under their biting glares. "Who are all these people?" he asks.
  
  "Victims of the wizard, from the looks of it. It takes a special kind of evil to steal portraits and then display them so blatantly in one's own residence."
  
  "Oh," says Tuck. "I thought they might be the wizard's family."
  
  Ser Leonhart nods. "There is a similar hall for portraits in my family's manor. Have I mentioned I come from a long line of heroes in service to the crown?"
  
  "Once or twice." says Tuck. He pauses. "Milord, if I may ask, have you always wanted to be a hero?"
  
  The knight blinks in confusion. "Of course! Why would I not?"
  
  But Tuck offers no reply.
  
  > Smell door
  You sniff the door, and Ser Leonhart pulls it open.
  
  > go east
  You lead the duo into a stately receiving room. Or rather, you walk in by yourself, for the knight and his squire have turned around and run the other way.
  
  The reason for their fearful flight soon becomes clear. On the floor beside a fireplace sits an unnameable horror, sobbing dramatically. She is dressed in a housemaid's uniform and, for some reason, wears countless colourful ribbons all over her head-tentacles (an abundance of ribbons is a couple of generations out of fashion, even for housemaids). Most of her eyes acknowledge your presence before returning to the business of sobbing.
  
  There are rooms to the east and south, as well as a narrow service corridor to the north.
  
  > look at the horror
  You have heard tales of unnameable horrors, and unlike your companions, you possess the constitution to look upon one. Or, perhaps their maddening appearance has no effect on ordinary pigs. In any event, you never suspected they wore so many ribbons.
  
  > examine the ribbons
  There are so many of them.
  
  > look at the fireplace
  A lit fireplace is always comforting, even in keeps belonging to evil wizards.
  
  > Go south
  You head to a long dining room, where the table runs from one end of the room to the other. There are two chairs, one at each end. Any attempt at mealtime conversation must involve extensive shouting. Another room lies to the east.
  
  > look at the table
  It's exceptionally long.
  
  > Go east
  You make your way into the smoking room, where light filters in through frosted windows. Mahogany furniture matches the wainscoting on the walls and ceiling. There is another room to the north.
  
  > examine the windows
  They let in a suggestion of light.
  
  > look at the furniture
  All the furnishings are composed of mahogany.
  
  > Go north
  You head to an elegant parlour. Blue and gold floral-printed upholstery matches the paper on the walls. Beside a chaise lounge is the worst attempt at a standing lamp you have ever seen. The receiving room lies to the west.
  
  > look at the lamp
  Hero 2 is doing his best to impersonate a lamp, standing upright with a lampshade over his head. Every once in a while he scratches an itch or leans to one side before realising his error and standing rigid once more.
  
  > Smell hero
  You sniff around Hero 2's feet. He nudges you away surreptitiously with a foot.
  
  > look at the lounge
  The chaise lounge looks remarkably comfortable. A shame you cannot climb on top of it.
  
  > go to the west
  You make your way to the receiving room. There is a narrow service corridor to the north, a well-lit hallway to the west and a dining room to the south. An unnameable horror is crying on the floor beside a roaring fireplace.
  
  > Go north
  You enter a narrow service corridor continuing north. A set of servants' stairs twists around a wall and disappears above you.
  
  > go to the north
  There is room enough for at least a dozen chefs in the dusty kitchen, but as you pass through the open doorway, you instead find a single occupant—a clown. And while you cannot say you have encountered many clowns up close, and certainly none this small of stature, you nevertheless recognise the warning signs: a head of poofy multicoloured hair, a painted smile, a shabby patchwork coat and a pair of oversized red shoes (which produces a delightfully silly
  honk with each step). He stands before a cauldron bubbling
  over an open flame, reading from a book and tossing ingredients into the concoction.
  
  Only when he turns to grab a jar of owlet wings does he discover your attempt to sneak by. His beady eyes narrow at you.
  
  "Piggy?" he asks. "How was the piggy freed? Not on Robbit's watch! His Lordship is angry enough." He searches the table of ingredients for something, growing more and more frustrated as the object of his search fails to appear. "Robbit swears there were piggy treats here!"
  
  Exasperated, he pushes up his ruffled sleeves and chases you around the room. Once he manages to grab ahold of you, he lifts you off the floor, carries you out a side door and deposits you into a small, fenced-in area. Then he closes the gate and marches away, his clown shoes honking loudly as he goes.