text: [Themes: modern]
  
  Well you go door to door to every trailer like a damn transient asking if they need anything done, only getting doors slammed in your face, people telling you to fuck off or getting hit on by cross dressers. Actually this would be easier if you didn't live in trailer park that was paved with fucking gravel. It's not like you can offer to mow their lawn. And it's not winter so you can't offer to shovel snow. And trailers don't have gutters to clean...
  
  Did you even think this through? Of course not!
  
  Okay there IS something you can do, you can either drive to some real neighborhood in town and try to ask people for something to do there, (good luck with that) or there's an old lady that lives in a rickety house nearby the trailer park, which means you wouldn't have to go too far and she's probably got tons of things for you to do. Of course she's crazier than a shithouse rat though. Or cat rather. She has like one hundred of the fluffy bastards.
  
  > go to the crazy cat lady
  You head over to the crazy old cat lady's house. The house looks like it belongs in a horror movie. All kinds of cats watch you approach the house. You almost can feel the hatred from the little furry fuckers. Its almost as if they sense your unkindness to felines in the past. You knock on the door and ring the door bell.
  
  Ten minutes later the old bat finally answers the door, only opening it half way with three sturdy looking chains still connecting it.
  
  "Agh! Go away! I hate you Mormon bastards!" she says.
  "Do I look like a fuckin' Mormon? I'm here looking for work to do."
  "Hmmm, you look familiar; you live over in that trailer park nearby don't you?"
  "How would you know? You never leave the fuckin' house!"
  "Ah but my kitties! I see through them! They see for me! I know everything about this town, thanks to my pets! Hehehehehehe!" she begins to cackle.
  
  "Uh yeah, so you got anything for me to do that you can pay me for, or are you just going to indulge in more insanity?"
  "Oh yes! I have things for you to do! You may go out back and cut the grass or you can clean the garage, you will be paid well if you do a good job. Remember, I'll know! My friends will be watching! Hehehehe!"
  
  > Go cut the grass
  Well at least you know what lies ahead of you with cutting the grass. That is until you see the fucking jungle that's her backyard. The grass is so high you couldn't cut this with a lawnmower even if you'd had the forethought to bring the one you don't have. There's a wicked looking scythe nearby though, which is what you're going to have to use to cut this mess down.
  
  You grab the scythe as more little furry beasts watch your every move. You begin to swing, putting a dent in the overgrowth, and covering yourself in cut grass. Still, you're already getting a sore back and you're not even half way done, not to mention the creatures you've been stirring up aren't too pleased about you destroying their home. Spiders, small snakes and other venomous creatures have bitten you many times, fortunately the damage you've done to yourself with alcohol over the years, makes you pretty much immune to their poison.
  
  Still, you aren't feeling too swift at this point, you're about to take a break and sit down, when again you feel the piecing eyes of the cats watching you again.
  
  > take a break
  "Fuck this, I'm taking a break for a little while." You say and go sit down on the creaky back steps. The cats are annoyed that you're sitting in an area they consider theirs. One of them begins to hiss at you, while a couple of more "talkative" ones meow at you in a disgruntled tone.
  
  "Fuck off furballs!" you say and begin shooing them away, all this does is anger them further. One sneaks up and bites the back of your leg. You attempt to back kick it, but it runs off before you can. Another cat jumps at your face, you just barely dodge it. You can see other cats coming out of the woodwork ready to pounce on you like a bunch of mini-tigers.
  
  You slowly back off, still holding the scythe. You then run back to the trailer park as quickly as you can. The old crazy cat lady comes out of her house cackling again.
  
  "Hehehehehehehe! You can't escape my pretties! My babies will harass you where ever you are in this town! Hehehehehehe!"
  
  When you get home you bar the door and get out your guns ready for an impeding cat attack. Tina gets really pissed off when you won't let her in immediately when she gets home.
  
  "Mel open this goddamn door! I'm fuckin' tired!"
  
  You quickly let her in and slam the door and re-barricade it.
  
  "What the hell's got you paranoid?"
  "That crazy cat bitch has got her army of evil cats after me! I'm gonna gun down the little bastards when they attack!"
  "What the fuck, are you smoking crack now? You better not be, because I'll tolerate your drinking, but I ain't putting up with drugs.."
  "I ain't taking fuckin' drugs! I haven't even had a drink today!"
  "Then Mel, you have just lost your fuckin' mind. You're as crazy as that cat lady. I'm tired and going to bed but tomorrow you better knock this shit off, because I'm not living with you this way either."
  
  Tina goes off to bed, but you stay up all night waiting for an attack that never comes. Eventually you fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning and wake up in the middle of next day. Nothing happened. You were worried over nothing. Here you were thinking a bunch of cats were trying to get revenge and you're fine. You go outside to get some fresh air. You step off the trailer stair and SQUISH...
  
  Cat shit.