text: [Themes: sci-fi]
  
  Woah. A bright light fills your head as you open your eyes. A picture slowly fades into focus, for the first time. You can tell you're standing up, somehow; it's just intuitive. You stare straight ahead, taking in your surroundings. There's a cluttered desk filled with miscellaneous fancy-looking circuitry and a computer, along with three bottles that say 5-Hour Energy™, assorted discarded ramen packages, two light fixtures (one that seems to be missing a bulb), various broken keyboards, and four books. You're vaguely aware of someone saying the phrase "Mr. Roboto" (is that your name?) over and over again, but it hasn't fully registered. You look down, and the whole perspective shifts. Woah, you think again. You decide to practice this motion: up, down, up, down. You realize that the vertical metal object you see when you look down is part of you. Finally, your silicon brain recognizes the voice. You turn to face the source of the sound, amazing yourself again with the perspective change. The new sight amazes you: a nerdy-looking 24-year old ginger with an odd haircut and freckles is looking at you expectantly. You're not exactly sure how you know what these things are, but you assume it's the same way you recognized the ramen packages and books earlier: God willed it to be. There's really no other explanation.
  
  The voice starts again, and this time you're able to connect it to the person in front of you.
  
  "Mr. Roboto, if you can understand me, say, 'Jules,'" the voice instructs.
  
  The sounds soothe you, and you can definitely understand what is being said. Even though you've never spoken before, you know what to do. You open your mouth and pronounce 'Jules.' Or at least you try to. Instead, you just let out a nasally "huff" sound. The person (Jules?) frowns.
  
  "Maybe I didn't get that part quite right..." she admits. "Okay, if you can understand me, move your head up and down like you were doing earlier."
  
  This instruction is much easier for you, as you've done it before. You look up to the ceiling, then down to the floor, then back to the ceiling, then the floor. Ceiling. Floor. Ceiling. Floor.
  
  "Uh, you can stop now," Jules says, and you stop moving your head. She has an amused, but nonetheless proud smile on her face.
  
  "Mr. Roboto, can you raise your arm?"
  
  That's a good question. Can you? You've never tried. You will your arm to move, and sure enough, it does! Jules's smile widens. It makes you happy that she's happy. She asks if you can make a fist, if you can raise each finger individually, if you can rub your belly and pat your head at the same time. You discover that, yes, you can do all of those, even if the last one is a bit strange. She hands you a banana and asks you to hold it. She places it in your hand, and you grip it. You can feel that it's soft, but you don't squeeze it hard enough to squish it. She tells you to set it down on the desk, which you do, and then she hugs you with excitement. Not knowing exactly what to do, you imitate her, wrapping your arms around her gently. After a couple seconds, she releases her arms, and you follow suit.
  
  "Oh, I'm so proud of you, Mr. Roboto! You're perfect!" she exclaims. "Can you walk?"
  
  You place one foot in front of the other and amazingly stay balanced. You weren't sure if you'd be able to do it.
  
  "Great! Now explore this room." You walk back over to the desk that you were looking at when you were brought to life, and grab one of the energy drink bottles. It makes some kind of sloshing when you move it around, and you decide to turn it upside down. Some amount of a sticky red liquid comes running out, and Jules gasps.
  
  "Stop! Stop! I'm sorry, I should have told you not to do that." She notices your dejected look and adds, "Don't worry, it's not the end of the world. I can clean it up, no problem. Please don't do it again though." You set the bottle down, feeling bad about spilling the liquid.
  
  "No, don't feel bad, Mr. Roboto, it's really not a problem! Besides, it was my fault for not telling you. You didn't know any better. Okay, this time, you can explore the room, but don't spill things like that or knock things over or break anything. Got it? Oh, uh, move your head up and down a couple of times if you understand. It's called 'nodding.'"
  
  You nod, and go back to exploring. In front of you is the table, which has a couple of broken light fixtures, various trash, and Jules's computer. You could investigate more on the table, or explore more of her room. What next?
  
  > refrain from sticking your finger in the light bulb socket
  There is a light bulb socket that appears to be the perfect size for your finger, but curiosity does not get the best of you. You have a bad feeling about that. Instead, you decide to walk away from the table. There isn't too much in the one-room apartment. There's a front door, a door to what is presumably a bathroom, Jules's bed, the desk, and a sizeable armoire. You decide to investigate the armoire. Gently, you pull the door open. You don't want to break anything after the whole 5-Hour Energy incident.
  
  You're not really sure what you expected. Inside, there are plenty of clothes. You decide to take a T-Shirt from the pile and attempt to put it on. However, it gets stuck over your head. Unable to see anything, you put your hands out, leaning against the shelf from which you took the clothes. Jules can't stop herself from laughing. It's not a malicious laugh, but rather the kind of laugh one makes when his or her cat does something adorable, like backflip attempting to chase a laser pointer. You briefly wonder where that comparison came from, having never seen a cat, but your mind quickly abandons the thought as you start to fall. Your mind seems to shut down momentarily the instant you hit the ground.
  
  > enter a semi-awake state
  The world goes black, and you hear a deep humming noise. This feels weird; you're not as conscious as before, but you can still process information. You can't sense or interact with the world around you at all, however. You think back to when you were conscious, your first experience alive. You're still not entirely sure what happened, or how you got there. You can't remember anything before you first opened your eyes; it's as though time started then. Well, it technically did, for you at least.
  
  Soon, you pose the question to yourself: How did you know what you knew earlier? Moving your arms and walking, for example, had come naturally to you, and you could understand what Jules meant when she spoke. You intuitively knew what to try when she asked you to speak, and even though it didn't work (not your fault), you still made a valiant effort. Additionally, you were able to read the labels of the assorted junk on the desk. You've also known you were a robot for literally as long as you can remember. However, you clearly didn't know everything. The liquid coming out of the energy drink surprised you, and you didn't know Jules's name until she suggested it to you. Nor did you know how to nod until it was explained.
  
  Using the same line of thought as earlier, you assume that it must have been the god that made you who instilled these facts in you and linked your metal body with your electronic brain. This concept must have also come from a god, because you're not sure how else it could have come to be. You haven't lived long enough to develop your own idea like this. Actually, now that you're thinking about this, you're no longer positive that 'god' is the right term. More like 'creator.' Now who could be your creator? The jury's still out on that one. You suppose it could be Jules, but you don't know that for sure. It would make sense though, since she said that she didn't quite get your speaking correct. However, there's not enough evidence to conclude. You file the question as unanswerable as of now.
  
  Suddenly, you feel a unique sensation in your head. You've never felt it before, at least. You intuitively know that it's more data being added to your brain. Maybe Jules is working on fixing your speech mechanism. You wonder if there's going to be any hardware modifications, or if she'll just change the software.
  
  The humming noise that started when you passed out stopped, and you find that you can open your eyes now. Upon doing so, you realize you are lying in a bed face up, which is definitely not the position you were in when you passed out. Jules is holding a USB cable that you figure was just plugged into you, transferring new data. You decide to try to speak.
  
  "Jules." Your voice is cold and detached, nothing like Jules's. It's not really what you expected either, but at least you can communicate properly now. Jules looks at you with a mixture of shock and pride.
  
  "Oh, you can talk now! That's amazing! I'm so happy for you! Oh, by the way, that's my name. Jules."
  
  "Yes, I figured. I'm happy that I can communicate effectively now. I have plenty of questions to ask you."
  
  "Oh, do you? This will be interesting!"
  
  What question do you decide to ask?[Themes: modern, humor]
  
  You walk into the fine dining establishment that is McDonald's with a crisp five dollar bill in your hand. The smell of childhood obesity and diabeetus wafts in your face. Delicious.
  
  Your stomach has got the rumblies, you haven't had a good quality meal in days!
  
  [Author's Note: You got 5 bucks and a hunger that only some Mcdonald's can cure!]
  
  > look around
  You look around. There are multiple people sitting down and eating and no line to order.
  
  Also, no Ronald in sight. Good. You and Ronald had a run in back in 98, it wasn't pretty. You woke up on the sidewalk with your pants around your ankles in the back of someone's house. But hey, at least the food is good.
  
  > You're starving. Food. Now.
  You walk up to the counter. A big breasted latino chick is ready to take your order. Ohbby.
  
  What will you have?
  
  > Happy meal all dah way
  You notice that the toy that comes in the box is a beginners' dildo, in floral print for girls and race cars for boys. You couldn't pass up the offer.
  
  You give her your five bucks and wait for the meal.
  
  > Can you eat yet?
  After awhile, you finally get your food. You devour that shit like a wild animal. Amazing.
  
  You successfully ate McDonalds and WON'T die of starvation! Your parents would be proud.
  
  If they were alive.
  
  While you were fucking around at McDonalds your parents got brutally murdered. They made you dinner too. Asshole.
  
  Anyway, now what?
  
  > go to the bathroom
  You decide you need to gussy up before you eat. You make your way to the bathrooms when you are pressed with a difficult decision.
  
  > go to boys bathroom
  You're about to enter the bathroom when you hear a series of moaning. Okay. Maybe you don't have to go that bad.
  
  > go to girls bathroom cuz you're a creep
  .....really?
  
  I mean, are you really a chick or are you just some kind of weird pervert?
  
  > That's offensive! You have a vagina!
  No you don't...... pervert
  
  > :'( (Accept that fact you are a pervy penis haver)
  Oh....well in that case, okay!
  
  You and your perverted self make your way into the bathroom. A woman is there, taking bathroom mirror selfies and drawing on her eyebrows with a fine tip sharpie. Her head turns towards you when she hears the door open. She looks you up and down then turns back towards the mirror and continues doing what she was doing.
  
  > gussy up
  You walk to the sink next to the other chick and stare at yourself, admiring your beauty.
  
  "Want to borrow my mascara? You could use some girl!"
  
  She has no idea you have a penis down there.
  
  > Oh boy, would you!
  Feeling has though your lashes aren't voluptuous enough, you accept her offer. She feels now you are worthy enough to take a selfie with her.
  
  > Duckface!
  Feeling shame the minute you pucker those lips, you commit honorable Japanese suicide.