text: [Themes: modern]
  
  You quickly go through the forms. Yeah right like you're going to admit to being convicted of a felony! College? Is he fucking kidding? Two thirds of the fucktards who live in this town are illiterate! What the fuck is a PhD? And if you had one, why the fuck would you be working here? No drinking on the job? What the hell, Billy Ray is usually half plastered himself by noon! You don't even bother to fill them out entirely Billy Ray should know all this shit; he's known you long enough! You got into his office and throw the forms back at Billy.
  
  "Alright I filled out yer fuckin' forms, NOW what's my job in this shithole?"
  "Well normally you'd be working at the register, but with your asshole attitude, you just ain't gonna cut it. In fact I better keep you away from the customers altogether. You can either be a cook or a janitor."
  
  > Mop Boy
  "Fine, if I gotta work in this shithole I might as well clean it up!" you say.
  "Hmmm well since you feel that way, you can start on the bathrooms." Billy says handing you a mop.
  
  You grab the mop and start cleaning the ladies room first since you know the men's bathroom is going to be disgusting no matter what you do.
  
  It's relatively uneventful, until a redheaded woman walks in and just stands around watching you, giving you a dirty look.
  
  "You got a fuckin' problem ya redheaded cunt?" you ask.
  "Yeah asshole, I wanna take a fuckin' piss and you're in here!"
  "So go take a fuckin' piss bitch! I don't give a fuckin' shit, don't nobody want your freckled ass anyhow!"
  "Fuck you, you inbred bastard!" the woman says, but goes into the stall and closes the door. Soon she immediately comes out screaming with her pants around her ankles exposing everything she didn't want you to see to everyone in the place!
  
  "Holy shit, her hair was so red it looked like her pussy was on fire." You say to yourself, and then you hear something sloshing around in the stall.
  
  > check it out
  You cautiously open the stall door. You wish you had your converted Desert Eagle with you right now, but your mop will have to do. SOMETHING splashes filthy water from out of the toilet right in your face causing you to fall to the floor and the door closing.
  
  "Agh Fuck! Pfft! Shit!" you say spitting the water out that got in your mouth, Billy waddles his fat ass in.
  "Hey motherfucker what the hell's going on? Some woman just ran out the place showing everything her momma gave her. Shit, her hair was so red it looked like her pussy was on fire. You tryin' to molest my fuckin' customers? You better not be. I don't need a goddamn lawsuit!"
  "No I leave the molesting to your fat greasy ass. She ran out of here because there's something clogging up your toilet, that's as big as my dick. Its probably one your pre-cooked burgers that got away from the rat traps."
  "Stop saying that! I only used rats that one time because the people at the slaughter house were on strike!" Billy protests.
  "Yeah, yeah tell it to the health department."
  "Well?"
  "Well what?"
  "Well aren't you gonna go in there and kill whatever it is?"
  "What?! Fuck off; exterminator ain't part of my fuckin' job!"
  "It is now!" Billy insists.
  
  > exterminate whatever's in there
  "Alright fine, but you better be paying more for this." You say
  "Yeah, yeah, whatever I just can't have things attacking my customers in the bathrooms anymore!" Billy says.
  "Well, gimme one of your fuckin' cleavers or some shit, I ain't going in there with just a mop!"
  
  Billy runs off (Well waddles off) and fetches you a meat cleaver.
  "Yeah, this'll work." You say, and then you notice Billy brandishing a .22 pistol.
  "Motherfucker, I'm the one going in there, why the fuck do YOU have the gun?"
  "Because its mine Mel!"
  You shake your head and enter the stall, all quiet so far. You take the mop and begin poking it in the toilet, still clutching the cleaver in the other hand. Suddenly the entire toilet breaks apart as a big ass alligator comes up through it biting the head of the mop off in one chomp!
  
  You fall back through the door breaking it off the hinges and on to the floor again.
  "HOLY SHIT!" Billy says and begins firing. Unfortunately the .22 caliber has no real effect on its tough scaly hide.
  
  "What the fuck are you gonna do with that Bill? Make it mad?" You say and swing your cleaver at it. It rolls out of the way and slaps you with its long tail, causing you to crash into the mirror. Its eyes hungrily look at Billy's wide load and scampers after him. He fires a couple more times, but is too scared to aim properly. A bullet nicks your ear and buries itself into the wall.
  "STOP FUCKING FIRING! YOU NEARLY HIT ME, ASSHOLE!" you shout.
  "Oh no!" Billy says sweating and panting heavily, trying to get to the door. It bites his fat ass. "AGGGGH! Mel, help me! Help me!"
  
  While you're tempted to let it eat Billy, you instead sink your cleaver into head; it twitches a bit and then dies. Billy lies on the ground with a bloody ass; he looks up and thanks you.
  
  "Oh Mel thank you! You saved my life! Anything you want!"
  "Anything I want eh? Three months pay in advance!"
  "Done! Here!" He painfully reaches into his pocket and hands you a wad of money.
  "Good. Now I quit!" You pick up the alligator corpse, leave Billy lying on the bathroom floor, and tell the rest of the workers who were standing around outside to call the paramedics for Billy's fat ass.
  
  You put the alligator body in your truck and drive home. You spend the rest of the day making a pair of boots for Tina. She's very pleased when she gets home to see you brought home money AND a gift for her. That night you don't just get some pussy, you get ALL the pussy.