text: [Themes: modern]
  
  Last you knew, you were in a bar having a merry time, when all of a sudden you wake up to find yourself in a dank dungeon. You see a guard and you ask him why you are there. He doesn't seem like a bright fellow, and responds only with "Because you the bad man, and get locked up."
  
  After making a quick overview of your surroundings, you realize that you are wearing only a leather jumpsuit, and the only objects at your disposal are a rusty spoon and a dog bowl full of corn meal.
  
  Although you are befuddled as to how you came to be in your current situation, you know you must escape. In your mind, this scenario leaves you with just three options for how to proceed.
  
  1) Attempt to bribe the guard. Sure, you don't have anything of value, but the guard is pretty stupid.
  
  2) Attempt to pick the lock with the rusty spoon.
  
  3) start yelling and flailing wildly.
  
  > 2: Attempt to pick the lock with the spoon
  You have decided that your best course of action is to attempt to pick the lock, despite recovering from the previous night's drinking and having no lock pick skills or even proper tools.
  
  Taking a look at the door, however, you realize that this is easier than you would ever have imagined, since the door locks and unlocks from the inside of the cell!
  
  You make haste out of the cell, while hoping the guard will not stop you. As luck would have it, the guard is busying himself with reading the "Orcs monthly" magazine article on proper axe throwing technique.
  
  Taking one last look at the distracted guard, you forge ahead into the dungeon.
  
  > continue into the dungeon
  After escaping the prison cell, you find yourself in a strange castle, the type of which you have only read about in musty books talking about days of yore.
  
  There are doors to your left and right, and a long hallway which you may go down. Each door looks like all the others; however, you suspect there is danger about as strange sounds emanate from a great many of the doors.
  
  You decide that you must act quickly in deciding where to go, but are uncertain as to which direction is best. The 2 most promising locations are a room whose door is marked "the triangle room", and the door at the end of the hallway, which may lead to another area.
  
  Last you knew, you were in a bar having a merry time, when all of a sudden you wake up to find yourself in a dank dungeon. You see a guard and you ask him why you are there. He doesn't seem like a bright fellow, and responds only with "Because you the bad man, and get locked up."
  
  After making a quick overview of your surroundings, you realize that you are wearing only a leather jumpsuit, and the only objects at your disposal are a rusty spoon and a dog bowl full of corn meal.
  
  Although you are befuddled as to how you came to be in your current situation, you know you must escape. In your mind, this scenario leaves you with just three options for how to proceed.
  
  1) Attempt to bribe the guard. Sure, you don't have anything of value, but the guard is pretty stupid.
  
  2) Attempt to pick the lock with the rusty spoon.
  
  3) start yelling and flailing wildly.
  
  > 3: Start yelling and flailing wildly
  You decide to start yelling and flailing wildly. At this point the guard notices you and isn't happy with what you are doing. He may be stupid, but it seems he is good at maintaining order. He promptly clubs you over the head just prior to mentioning something about being taken to a "punishment room".
  
  When you awake, you find yourself to be rather hot, and it is hard to breathe. You seem to be in a rather confined space. This certainly must be the punishment room.
  
  At this point, one thought is running through your mind, and that is to attempt escape. However, we know how that turned out last time, and you spend a little bit of time to consider your options. You decide that one other option is simply to wait it out and see if you get released from the punishment room after being punished.
  
  So what will it be?
  
  > try to escape now
  You attempt to escape from the punishment room, and just in time too I might add! Just as things start to get warmer, you jiggle the door and crawl your way out of there. Now you hear the screams of other prisoners being punished nearby, and are glad that you are not in the same situation as them anymore.
  
  When you get out of the punishment room, you realize that it was really a heat-chamber device that could have killed you had you stayed in it any longer. This clearly was invented by some sort of heinous wizard!
  
  At this point you leave the punishment room and find two ways you could go to attempt escape. You see a ladder, but it is impossible to see where it leads. You also see a room labeled "mess hall", which may also be of some use to you.
  
  You decide to start yelling and flailing wildly. At this point the guard notices you and isn't happy with what you are doing. He may be stupid, but it seems he is good at maintaining order. He promptly clubs you over the head just prior to mentioning something about being taken to a "punishment room".
  
  When you awake, you find yourself to be rather hot, and it is hard to breathe. You seem to be in a rather confined space. This certainly must be the punishment room.
  
  At this point, one thought is running through your mind, and that is to attempt escape. However, we know how that turned out last time, and you spend a little bit of time to consider your options. You decide that one other option is simply to wait it out and see if you get released from the punishment room after being punished.
  
  So what will it be?
  
  > wait to see what happens
  You decide that the best course of action is to stay put. You remember being told you were being taken to a punishment room, which implies increased security from where you were previously being held. Because of this, you feel that the risk of being punished further if you attempt an escape is too great.
  
  Unfortunately, this punishment room is not as benign as you had hoped. You quickly realize that you are inside a heat-chamber device! Purely the work of a sinister wizard!
  
  You start to hope that this is all a dream, but alas, it is not. You try screaming for help, but apparently your screams fall on deaf ears. You try to escape from the heat-chamber device, but find yourself to promptly burn to a crisp before you can even manage much of an effort, all the while hearing the moaning screams of other nearby prisoners.[Themes: horror, humor, zombie, post-apocalyptic]
  
  You open your eyes.
  
  You are lying on the cold, prickly tarmac of a road full of potholes. Your clothes are ripped and dirty, and your head hurts. There's also a vague ache of hunger in your stomach, but you can ignore that for now. It's harder to ignore the two semicircles of messy puncture-marks all across your forehead, and around the back of your skull.
  
  Damn.
  
  You got bitten by a zombie.
  
  Looks like the ranks of the undead just conscripted another member!
  
  [Author's Note: It sucks to be a zombie. Especially when half the world is too, martial law has been declared, and there's a price on the head of every zombie even higher than their smell. Still, it's not all bad. You can shuffle around to your heart's content; if body parts fall off you can just sew them back on again; and there are all the brains you can eat...]
  
  > lurch to your feet and take a look around...
  You stand up, joints creaking, and peer around through the darkness. As your eyes get used to being dead, you begin to make out a smoke-stained brick wall with "the end is extremely nigh" spraypainted upon it. There is another, similar wall behind you, but this one merely displays various rude words in half-unreadable writing.
  
  You wobble slightly, your legs stiffening with rigor mortis, and reach out to steady yourself -- then snatch your hand away again as it comes to rest on the cold, slimy edge of a dump full of flies and rotting food.
  
  A drifter sticks his head out, and slurs: "Find yer own bed, ya bum!" Then his eyes widen as he sees your grey face. "A z-- a zo--"
  
  "A zombie?" you offer helpfully.
  
  His only reply is to scream shrilly, vault out of his dumpster and flee down the alleyway. How rude.
  
  > follow the guy
  It's dark back here behind the shops, out of the way of the open town square, and a metal grille in the wall to your right blows hot air in your face. It smells of grease, the fried remains of what might once have been potatoes, and meat so processed it's practically vegetarian.
  
  In front of you, the bum from the dumpster sits rocking back and forth. He's backed up against the wall, and he's staring at you with eyes so wide you can practically see his skull.
  
  "Pu... puh..." he mutters. "Please... duh-duh-don't..."
  
  You stare at him, frowning slightly. His head is bruised in a way that's making your stomach rumble.
  
  He continues to rock and mumble. "Please don't... don't eat my brain..."
  
  > eat his brain
  The drifter's pleas fall on dead ears. You surrender to your hunger, launching yourself forward with surprising speed for a corpse and attaching your sharp little teeth about the crown of his head, you puncture the skull with ease and, ignoring his screams, secrete the special zombie saliva which will turn his brain into so much slurpable mush.
  
  Quickly, as your spit dissolves his mind even faster than alcohol was already, the guy quiets down and you begin to suck greedily at the brain-juice within. But his yells have done their evolutionary work. You hear running footsteps behind you, and a couple of burly men stomp hurriedly over, running to either side of you to block your escape.
  
  Bounty hunters!
  
  "Get it!" one yells, and the other swings a baseball bat at your face with such force that your nose ends up coming out of the back of your head.