text: Azula feels sore in so many places. She never thought she could feel such aching pain everywhere. She wraps herself with a robe as she steps out from the tub. I don't feel dirty. It's just because I'm sore. Today was the most taxing training session she had with Father yet. It was alone, secluded. Not even the guards could witness what he decided to teach her today.
  
  He called it a birthday present. It's the first present he ever gave her. Other nobles gave her gifts, trinkets and jewelry. They're piled in the corner of her room, all but a few unopened. None were as amazing as Zuzu's knife. Uncle gave her a doll, but she always was fascinated by the craftmanship of the barbarian's weapon.
  
  He said I'm a woman now.
  
  She stares in the mirror. It's not something she would do often. Her servants prettied her as fitting for a princess. Rubbing her hand down her pristine jawline, she wonders if this is why men...  look at her differently now. All of them do. ALL.
  
  Would Uncle give me a stare like them? Tales of his...  exploits and even more numerous attempted exploits still echo in the palace halls even two years after his departure with Zuzu. Zuzu...  You'd just see your sister, wouldn't you? I could've used one male underling I could count on. You'd do stupid things act like a blubbering savage, but you were an honest dum-dum.
  
  She focuses back on the mirror.
  
  Stumbling backwards, she shoots flames at HER out of pure reflex. She shouldn't be here! There's no screaming. Azula hit her target. There's no smell of burnt flesh of melodic cries of pain.
  
  She looks at her target...  and laughs. Except in the fake, mocking laugh she uses for manipulation, she hasn't laughed in months.
  
  The princess looks around and listens. No one noticed this. Her bedroom and washroom doors are closed. She stands and walks to the mirror. Scorch marks cover the once pristine surface. She raises her hand and touches the figure on the other side of the reflection.
  
  "I look like Mother." Her voice trembles, a clear sign of weakness. Father can't hear her, so he won't be disappointing. Right now, she is weak.
  
  The jawline, the curve of her forehead, her lips. They're the same as Mother's. The realization hits her harder than any pain she receives during training. She has her nose, her eyebrows, her hair. Everything is the same.
  
  "How could you?" She imagines Mother standing in place of her reflection. Azula's voice turn venomous. "You gave me your...  beauty. You must've known I looked like you in your youth. Could you not love yourself?" She slams her fist against the glass. It shakes but doesn't break. "I am from you! You carried me, birthed me, and were supposed to love me. I am Azula. I am the perfect prodigy. You threw away your life to protect Zuzu but couldn't bother even a moment to...  to do anything for me?"
  
  Azula clenches her fists. If not, fire would burn the walls. "Father loves me! He sees I'm worth training. Zuzu loves me because he's Zuzu. Everyone else fears me, respects me. You couldn't even show fear? Why was it just disapproval? I tried everything. I saved your son, twice now!"
  
  Her voice becomes strained. "Should I conquer Ba Sing Se and become a hero? Should I become a better bender? What can I DO? Tell me, and I'll do it. I can do anything."
  
  She hears silence.
  > burn the Mirror
  To reply, she unclenches her fists. Fire burns the mirror until the blackness overtakes any ability to reflect. She stands in front of the mirror one more time before leaving. Now, it shows only darkness.
  
  "I will become Fire Lord, but that won't make you love me either, will it? You killed my grandfather. You'd kill me too if it protected Zuzu. Well, I'll do that for you. I'll take your job when I become Fire Lord. I already took your looks. Zuzu will never be in danger again. Then, you will love me because you love Zuzu."
  
  She leaves her washroom for a restless night of sleep. In the morning, she finds out her father will train her privately from now on. At least he loves her, right?
  
  Azula avoids mirrors from then on.
  > 14
  Zuzu attacked her for the third time.
  
  Looking back on it, she should've seen his betrayals coming. The first time Father told her to capture them. Of course, she would've ensured her brother's safety, even from Father. They got away due to the idiots that other people call royal guards.
  
  The second time, he fought her when she was about to capture the Avatar. Maybe he wanted to be the one to do it. Taking that stupid, bald child to the Fire Nation does happened to be the only thing that allows him to come home. Until I become Fire Lord. It was a hard battle, especially after the Avatar's waterbending teacher, his earthbending teacher, and some idiot with a boomerang all showed up too. Also, Uncle got his fat butt to the battle. Since everyone seemed intent on killing the horrible, evil monster, she blasted Uncle in the chest with fire and ran.
  
  Zuzu's change in attitude must be because of Uncle. He must've poisoned his mind against me just like Mother did. Uncle and Mother must've conspired against me. They want to take my only nice family way from me. Plus, Uncle must've never mentioned how she was the one who got him out of the Fire Nation when no one else could or would. Huh, he also never learned I was the one who made Mother save his life too.
  
  There was no way Zuzu would run into her again, not until the war was over. Azula focused on beating the Avatar. Along the way, she happened to conquer Ba Sing Se. Well, she's about to, since this's where the Avatar has been around for weeks. Instead of the old men's tactics of bloodshed, she used infiltration and manipulation. Using the uniforms of an all-female squad of soldiers they captured, Azula and her friends infiltrated the city. I always knew taking Mai and Ty Lee with me would be worth it. Plus, Mai was bored, and Ty Lee realty needed to get away from that circus.
  
  Everything was easy after that. Ba Sing Se is a police-state. She took over the police, recently undermined from the Avatar's meddling. The police seemed to believe the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Gullible idiots. She took over the police, so it's just a matter of waiting for the right moment before taking the city. Not a drop of blood will be spilt. She'll be done under a week.
  
  The Earth Kingdom will fall. That isn't what excites Azula. Instead, it was that waterbender's news. While the Avatar and his other friends left for...  somewhere like a bunch of morons, that girl instead stayed behind and visited a tea shop. She came running back to the palace yelling moments before their coup.
  
  "The Fire Nation has infiltrated the city, I just saw Prince Zuko and his uncle!" she screamed to the first people she saw. Those people happened to be "friends and warriors" who were Azula and her infiltrators. She captured the girl. The waterbender looked to be her age. Perhaps she is a waterbending prodigy, the barbarian version of me? Ty Lee was happy to learn they won't torture the girl. Azula must scheme ways to get her brother back.
  
  She came up with a simple plan. She would give a rousing speech to the traitorous police. Why are they called Dai Li anyway? All she then had to do was organize a simultaneous coup where all five Earth Kingdom generals were captured, use the police to break down the wall with earthbending, and request Zuzu and Uncle's presence for some believable reason. To anyone but Azula, this would be too difficult, but she's the perfect princess of the Fire Nation. She couldn't...  can't fail.
  
  She couldn't stop laughing when she learned what her brother and uncle were up to. They were small business owners. They owned a tea shop! The "great" general Iroh and the prince of the Fire Nation were serving tea to the snobbish high-born barbarians of the Earth Kingdom. In that case, she sent them a letter claiming the Earth King, who was nothing but the police's moronic and unsuspecting puppet, wanted them to serve tea just before sundown. Zuzu is more gullible than a toddler and Uncle would be glad to have such a "powerful" person request his tea.
  
  All she then had to do was wait. She'd convince her brother to join her, the city will fall, and the two of them will wait for the Avatar to return. He doesn't seem like the kind of boy who'd leave behind a member of his entourage.
  
  That's when things went wrong. If someone surrounded Azula with the police force and started talking to her, she'd stall and see what they want. Zuzu and Uncle ran before her brother's honor got in the way. He stopped an challenged her to an Agni Kai. Since she didn't feel like burning and embarrassing him, she told her Dai Li to capture him. They placed him with the waterbender in an underground cave. An odd place for a prison cell, but these people are barbarians.
  
  Now, she waits for the Avatar. She can reason with Zuzu once he calms down. Who knows? Maybe he and the waterbender could get to know each other. No Fire Lord could ever have a waterbender as a wife or concubine, and that'd guarantee Azula's status as the next Fire Lord. Father will be so proud.
  
  They do the coup. Everyone gets captured as planned. The leader of the police tries to double-cross her, but the police have more sense than their leader. Would execution or life imprisonment be better? She smiles. Maybe I could let the peasants of this city decide. I get rid of him and gain loyalty.
  
  Oh, the earthbending teacher and the boomerang idiot also showed up during the coup. They're in a cell with the Earth King now.
  
  That means only Iroh and the Avatar are unaccounted for. Azula sighs. Knowing Uncle's lack of patriotism these days and the Avatar's boyish gullibility, I'd suspect they're looking for Zuzu and that waterbender together.
  
  She and her police head down to the underground prison. She left Ty Lee and Mai behind. Things could get ugly, so she wanted only expendable minions this time.
  
  She sees all four of them. They aren't fighting. They're just...  talking. Why isn't Zuzu fighting the Avatar?
  > zuzu Betrayed Her
  He...  he must've betrayed the Fire Nation. He gave up on his quest to capture the Avatar, and now he joined forces with the boy.
  
  Zuzu betrayed me!
  
  She should tell the police to ambush the four, but rage clouds her judgement. She swoops down and fires lightning at the four. Uncle takes the blast and redirects it back to her police.
  
  "Azula!" Instead of fighting, her brother grabs both the Avatar and the waterbender and drags them away. Uncle fires blast after blast at her. She stays on the offensive, but firebending power runs in the family. Well, Zuzu is the exception.
  
  Seeing the three run away, she fires another blast of lightning at them. I might not be able to give much more. Zuzu doesn't see it in time. You fool! You weren't supposed to get hit! The Avatar does notice the cold, electric flame. He pushes her brother out of the way. Thunder erupts as the boy's body falls limp. The waterbender screams in anguish. Zuzu stands there like a dum-dum.
  
  "Go!" Azula is forced to put all her attention on Uncle. He fights with a renowned fury. "I'll hold them off! Get the Avatar out of here. Be safe, my nephew!"
  
  Zuzu nods with tears in his eyes. He slings the boy over his shoulder and drags off the waterbender with his other. Bye Zuzu. Uncle fights only long enough to hold off Azula and the police. Of course, the police only regathered themselves at the end of the battle, unable to regain their nerve after a few were fried when Uncle redirected lighting at them. Wimps.
  
  He holds up his hands. "I surrender."
  
  Azula strides up to Uncle with blue flames in her hand. The police earthbend the terrain around the aging man until only his face can be seen. She raises her hand to burn off the enemy's face but stops herself for a moment.
  
  "Why, Uncle? Why did you make Zuzu join the Avatar?"
  
  "I did no such thing."
  
  She moves her hand closer but not close enough to hurt him. "Zuzu loved me, but now he joined the Fire Nation's enemy. That doesn't happen without manipulation."
  
  He shakes his head, but his head doesn't move much in his earthen encasing. "You did that Azula. Your brother was tired of chasing the Avatar, but not one part of his heart wished to join them. You were the one who did that. You forced him to."
  
  Azula turns her face away from Uncle to hide her cringe. Stupid! How could I be so stupid?
  
  "Take him away. I don't want to see his face again," she says to the police. They nod wordlessly. She walks away, eager to leave this cavern of sorrows.
  
  "Azula." She pauses. "You said Zuko loved you. That is not entirely true, since I'm sure he still loves you."
  
  She breaks into a run.
  > 15
  "Zuzu."
  
  After everything that happened to her in those fifteen years, it all comes down to this moment.
  
  There he stands. Behind him, there's the waterbending girl. The Avatar didn't die. He attacked the capital during an eclipse. They couldn't bend. Only a dishonorable enemy would do that, but the Fire Nation repelled their attack.
  
  Why! Why does Zuzu fight with the Avatar? He betrayed her! She wanted him to come home, but he sided with the Fire Nation's greatest enemy. Why? She knows why. MOTHER. It's her fault! It's not Azula's fault. Mother was the one who poisoned his mind ever since his birth. After she had to leave, Uncle continued. They turned Zuzu away. He even became the Avatar's firebending teacher! WHY!
  
  Then, Mai betrayed her. She did it so Zuzu could've escaped. He was in her clutches! Azula was going to subdue her, then Ty Lee attacked her. WHY! It doesn't make sense. It doesn't compute. The world...  the world doesn't work this way. She's Azula. She doesn't fail.
  
  Then, Father left her behind to kill a bunch of Earth Kingdom civilians. He didn't see her as useful anymore. Why would? Everyone betrays her, so he discarded her like a used concubine. Why must everyone betray her!
  
  She knows why. Mother was right. This entire time, she was right. I'm a monster. It simply took Zuzu longer to realize it.
  
  "Sorry, but you're not gonna become Fire Lord today." He lights his hands on fire. "I am. I challenge you to an Agni Kai. You tried to kill me too many times already. Let's settle everything right here, right now."
  
  "I accept."
  
  For the first time in her life, she tries to truly injure her brother. She tried to hurt him countless times, but never did she want to cause so much damage. He fights backs using forms she never saw before, but the girl hardly recognizes anything. She focuses on trying to burn him, hurt him.
  
  Why can't it all be better, when we were young? It was nice then. He didn't think I was a monster.
  
  She did so much for him. He said she was his sister. LIER! He knows she's a monster. Monsters don't have brothers. Monsters don't have joy. They don't have friends or happy ending. Monsters have pain, and they give pain. That's it.
  
  Why is everything on fire? Oh, I forgot. Today is Sozin's Comet! That's why Daddy's killing people and babies. Last time this came, my great-grandfather killed every airbender except the Avatar. Daddy's just gonna use this to kill more people! Why'd I forget that?
  
  Some part of her mind tells her something inside is wrong. She's breaking, slipping. She ignores that voice.
  
  Their flames are more like tornadoes. The palace, the courtyard, everything. There's fire everywhere. It's so hot. She uses her flames to propel her. Maneuverability is...  good? Tactical. It's tactical for fights. Daddy says so.
  
  Then, Zuzu throws a really big fireball at her. She keeps it from burning her, but she falls on the ground. That hurt. Zuzu hurt me!
  
  "No lightning today? What's the matter?" He sounds angry. Why is Zuzu angry with me?
  
  Two little voices in the back of her head tell her not to fire. One says he's her big brother, and she shouldn't hurt her big brother. Mommy wouldn't want that. The other one, one that has been getting quieter and quieter, tells he's planning something. He wouldn't taunt her into using her lightning unless he had a good reason.
  
  She ignores both. She tries to clear all feelings, but she can't. The lightning comes anyway, not because she's amazing or perfect. She isn't amazing; she isn't perfect. The comet merely provides her with enough power. The lightning seems to be burning through her body, her mind, and her soul. Pain. So much pain.
  
  Then, she sees the waterbender. She's close enough to be in the courtyard. Agni Kai's are for two fighters, but that girl stepped into the courtyard. It's a technicality but a victory. Azula won by default because Zuzu had an ally step into the dueling grounds.
  
  I still want to hurt Zuzu.
  
  She fires at her brother. He outstretches his hand as the lightning sink into his palm. He should be dead, an instantaneous death. Instead, the lightning seems to move through him for a moment. He raises his other hand and the lightning comes back out. Uncle taught him how to redirect lightning.
  
  A great heat bites at her feet. An explosion rips through her ears before silence deafens her. For a moment, she feels wind blowing past her. No, she blows past the wind. The lightning hits the ground, and it launched her across the battlefield. She hits the stone ground with a crash. Her chest tightens. She doesn't get up. She can't get up. Instead, the girl spasms on the ground.
  
  "Azula!"
  
  Her vision darkens, but she sees her brother run towards her.
  
  "Zuko, what are you doing?" It's that waterbender. She looks unhappy, unlike Zuzu. He looks scared.
  
  "She isn't getting up!" He kneels beside her, but she doesn't stop him. She can't. I don't have a heartbeat, do I? He presses his hand on her chest for a moment. "No heartbeat! Azula will die!"
  
  Wasn't that the point of this fight, dum-dum?
  
  He cries and holds her hand. What a baby. "Katara! Can you save her?"
  
  "No, I can't restart a heart. Maybe shock her again?" But Zuzu can't do lightning. He'd need perfect emotional control. Ha! As if. "What's the point though? This's Azula." Azula the monster.
  
  He shakes his head and stands. "I'm saving her because she's Azula."
  
  As her vision fades, she sees him waive his arms in circular motions. My big brother is trying to bend lightning as he's crying? If she wasn't dying, she'd be laughing at his stupidity. The dum-dum can't generate lightning when he's crying. Right now, he's anything but emotionally stable.
  
  Azula's body convulses again from the shock. The tension from her chest goes away and her vision returns. The first thing she sees is Zuzu with the last traces of electricity fading away from his fingertips. He bent lightning for me?
  
  He picks her up in his arms. "Katara, she needs healing. I know where there's water." Oh, she's a waterbender and a waterhealer. He runs and takes deep breathes.
  
  Her body lies limp in his arms. Everything tingles and aches. Using all her fleeting strength, she asks a single question. "Why?"
  
  "You're my sister."
  
  No, I'm an evil, scary monster. Even as a child, I was unlovable. Not even Mother could love me.
  
  "It's gonna be alright, Azula. I promise."
  > all Monsters Must Be Caged
  Azula doesn't move. They say she acted bad today, so they put the straightjacket on her again. It's also dark. Her cell doesn't have a window. The sun means fire. Fire means power. They want her weak, like a chained animal. It makes her scared.
  
  "It's alright. I'm here for you."
  
  No! No! Get away from me! You...  You aren't real!
  
  Her mother bends down, so they look eye to eye. "I will always love you, Azula."
  
  "Shut up!"
  
  For the first week or so, the guards would've responded to that. They would've asked the little princess why she told them to be quiet even though they hadn't said a thing. Now, they ignore her words.
  
  "Azula, I will always love you."
  
  She lets out fire from her mouth like a dragon from older times. It scorches the opposite side of the cell, but it doesn't change color. Ever part of the floor, walls, and ceiling are already a charred black.
  
  Azula tries to get up, but she loses her footing and tumbles to the ground. Her head smacks against the cold stone. Her head rings.
  
  She cries. It's just not fair. Everything is so scary. Part of her mind is...  broken. She knows that. Maybe all of it. They try so many things. Some of them don't do anything. Other hurt. Nothing works. The doctors fear her. She burnt one of them just once, and now they're almost as scared as the princess.
  
  "Azula."
  
  THAT isn't Mother. She looks up, bleary from hitting her head so hard. She sees one person, but this time it isn't Mother.
  
  "Zuzu?"
  
  He smiles. "Yeah. Can I trust you for a moment?"
  
  She sniffles. "No, I'm a monster." She closes her eyes.
  
  He lifts her onto her bed and set her down. Not once did he grunt, nor did she feel his arms strain. The entire time, he continued to smile. Then, her brother loosens the straightjacket and takes it off her. She shivers from bad memories, but Zuzu isn't Father.
  
  "Better?" He takes out a small cloth and wipes the blood on her forehead.
  
  "Why are you here?"
  
  "I visit every Tuesday, remember?"
  
  "Oh... " She notices the crown on his head. "Are you Fire Lord?"
  
  He nods. "I have been for over a year now, remember?"
  
  She scrunches her eyebrows together before shaking her head. "Are you a good one?"
  
  "I'm trying to be."
  
  He sits down next to her. She looks at the ground, not knowing what to do. I never know what to do anymore.
  
  She whispers, "I still see her everywhere, Zuzu." If she spoke too loudly, maybe Mother would hear it and haunt her again.
  
  "Did you know I have ghosts too?"
  
  She perks up. "Really?" She rests her chin on his shoulder.
  
  "Yeah."
  
  He touches his scar. It's a nasty looking thing. Why did Father hurt Zuzu?
  
  "This is my ghost, Azula. I see it whenever I see myself. It haunted me for three years."
  
  "But now it doesn't?"
  
  "No."
  
  "How? Tell me. Please."
  
  He takes her hand in his and places her fingers on his scar. It feels lumpy. It looks like a red splotch, almost like blood on a battlefield.
  
  "I accepted it, made friends with it. This scar is a part of who I am whether I like it or not. Azula, you will always be the daughter of our mother."
  
  She frowns. "Then why did she never treat me like her daughter?"
  
  He pulls her into a hug. "I'm sorry, but I don't know."
  
  She hugs him back.
  
  "But I'll always be here for you. You're my sister. I'll get you through this, and we'll do it together."
  
  They end their embrace. Azula wipes more tears from her eyes. She leans into his shoulder and listens to his breathing. He just sits there, but the sound soothes her.
  
  "Zuzu?"
  
  "Yeah?"
  
  She closes her eyes in fear. What if he says no? "Can you stay with me for a little longer?"
  
  Azula feels his fingers wrap around hers. "Of course."