text: [Themes: Mystery, Slice of life]
  
  > Go downward
  The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
  
  > show the box to Mother
  She glances quickly at the cash tin box but declines to comment.
  
  Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
  
  > show the box to Scamp
  Scamp examines what you are offering, but turns away, disappointed that it isn't edible.
  
  Scamp trots off up the stairs.
  
  > go to the east
  This room has the air of a gentleman's private study area, though recently it appears to have been taken over by the lady of the house (that is, Sheryl D'Arcy). A hardboard set of shelves against one wall looks completely out of place amid the antique furniture and the gorgeous circular shaped painting on the ceiling. Embroidery rests on a pouffe to one side, and several packs of wool tower alongside the shelves. The front entrance is out to the west, and there is another room to the north.
  
  Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.
  
  > show the box to Barbara
  Barbara examines the cash tin box carefully. "Very nice."
  
  > Show box to Albert
  Uncle Albert is unimpressed.
  
  > examine the recorder
  A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.
  
  The video recorder is currently switched on.
  
  > turn on the tv
  Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I hate you! You've ruined my life!" screams a teenager, before slamming a door.
  
  > Examine tv
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Hey, love," says the town's Mother Earth figure. "You have to stand up for what you believe in, not what other people tell you to."
  
  > examine the speakers
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
  
  > examine the speakers
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I trusted you!" whimpers a teenage girl. "And you cheated on me!"
  
  > open the tv
  That's not something you can open.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
  
  > go to the east
  The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  Scamp trots off to the north.
  
  > Go north
  This room offers refuge from the tastelessness that seems to prevail around the rest of the house. Framed pictures of famous film actresses, Garland, Dietrich, Midler and Streisand in particular, hang proudly on the sky-blue walls, alongside two extra-large pink and red ribbons. The abundance of style extends to the curtains, the most attractive you have ever seen. If only the rest of the house, to the south, had been decorated as well as this.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  Deborah, the bride, sits on her bed flicking through an old issue of Cooee! magazine.
  
  > examine the curtains
  Dazzlingly attractive. You wish you had the sense of style that the person who chose these obviously possesses.
  
  (They are closed.)
  
  Scamp trots off to the south.
  
  > examine ribbons
  You open the curtains, revealing a remote control device.
  
  That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game.
  
  > take the remote
  (putting the video cassette into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
  Taken.
  
  > go west
  The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  Scamp trots off to the north.
  
  This room is quite small and cramped, with the single bed in the corner taking up most of the room. Definitely not a place for cat-swinging; indeed, you can't see any cat hairs on the thick rug of a carpet. A wardrobe has been squeezed into the room as well, and by the look of it (and the smell of it), one of the Aunts is taking up this room.
  
  The only exit is to the north.
  
  The only exit is to the north.
  
  The only exit is to the north.
  
  > Go west
  The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  A door stands open in the north wall.
  
  The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.
  
  The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
  
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  > examine remote
  The slightly dirty television remote control has a vast array of buttons on it. The most obvious ones are labelled 1 to 9, for changing channels.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a remote control
  a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
  a plastic supermarket bag
  a video cassette
  a Battlebase episode guide
  a spade
  a small brass key
  a wedding programme
  
  > put the cassette in the recorder
  You slide the cassette into the vcr, which swallows it with a whirring of motors.
  
  > press the PLAY on the video
  With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.
  
  > turn the tv on
  Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Geez," murmurs a middle-aged man. "There's no need to get upset, its only a barbie!"
  
  > press 1 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 1.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
  
  > press 9 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 9.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  > press 8 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 8.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  > press 7 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 7.
  
  The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 6 on remote
  The television flicks to channel 6.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 5 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 5.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 4 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 4.
  
  A schools programme plays on the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  A schools programme plays on the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > Press 3
  What do you want to press that on?
  
  > press 3 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 3.
  
  An advertisement on the television attracts your attention. "New offer on Zippo pizzas. Interest free credit, and don't pay a penny until next month! Call 6787 now!"
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 2 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 2.
  
  A wildlife programme plays on the television.
  
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
  
  > call 6787 on the phone
  You order a pizza under the 'buy now, pay later' scheme, and say that it is for D'Arcy manor. The man on the other end of the phone tells you that it will be delivered shortly.
  
  A wildlife programme plays on the television.
  
  > press PLAY on the recorder
  With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.
  
  A wildlife programme plays on the television.
  
  > press 4 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 4.
  
  A schools programme plays on the television.
  
  > press 5 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 5.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  > press 6 on remote
  The television flicks to channel 6.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  > press 7 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 7.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  > press 9 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 9.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 0 on the remote
  You can't see that button.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 9 on remote
  The television flicks to channel 9.
  
  Static hisses from the television.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press 1 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 1.
  
  You briefly hear the sound of a moped outside the house.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > go to the west
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
  
  > Wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.
  
  > Go north
  You can't go that way.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Sheila, fancy coming back to my place for a six pack?" asks a naive young man.
  
  > press 9 on the remote
  The lock blips anonymously.
  
  Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
  
  > press 6 on the remote
  There is a click. Then, with an electronic fanfare, the cellar door swings open.
  
  The security guard bolts out of the cellar, slams the door shut and rests against it, looking flustered. It takes him a moment to recover, then he gets his remote control from out of his pocket and presses a big red button. The cellar door shakes suddenly.
  
  "I've changed the lock number so don't try anything!" he warns before striding off back to the front entrance. Nice of him not to throw you out, but then, he was probably distracted.
  
  > Go southwest
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
  
  > look at the tv
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  > press the stop on the recorder
  The video image suddenly disappears from the television, to be replaced by a blank screen.
  
  > press the rewind on the recorder
  With a flick, the image on the television blanks out. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to rewind the video cassette.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > jump
  You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > Kiss chloe
  "Urgh, get off me, you creep!"
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > jump
  You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
  
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
  
  > press PLAY
  [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]
  
  > press the PLAY on recorder
  With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  > look at the tv
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  > examine the recorder
  A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.
  
  The video recorder is currently switched on.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  > listen
  You hear nothing unexpected.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  > keep going
  You hear nothing unexpected.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > examine the recorder
  A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.
  
  The video recorder is currently switched on.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a remote control
  a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
  a plastic supermarket bag
  a Battlebase episode guide
  a spade
  a small brass key
  a wedding programme
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > Wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
  
  > Examine tv
  The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.
  
  The television is currently switched on.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops fast forwarding the tape.
  
  > press the PLAY on the recorder
  With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.
  
  An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
  
  The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press the FF on recorder
  Thunk! The cassette stops rewinding. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to fast forward the video cassette.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > Press rew
  [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]
  
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops fast forwarding the tape.
  
  > press the REW on recorder
  The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to rewind the video cassette.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press the FF on the recorder
  With a flick, the image on the television blanks out. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to fast forward the video cassette.
  
  The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
  
  > press the stop on the recorder
  With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops winding the tape.
  
  > give the remote to Chloe
  "The desire to possess objects is a fundamental weakness of humankind as a whole." So that's a 'no thanks' then.
  
  > press the eject on the recorder
  The video recorder spits out a cassette, which lands neatly on the floor.
  
  > Examine cassette
  A three-hour video cassette, almost half-way through the tape.
  
  > go to the east
  The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
  
  Scamp sits and watches you curiously.
  
  > Go west
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  You can also see a video cassette here.
  
  > press 3 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 3.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
  
  > Wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Fly Great Kingdom Airlines, we guarantee superb service... But don't dare complain about us or we'll break down your door and knock your teeth in, understand?"
  
  > wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "For the best of 70s Peruvian Folk Singing, get the special G-Gen compilation, only #59.99. Dial 413 now for your copy. We take all major credit cards."
  
  > call 413 on the phone
  "Thank you for calling the Peruvian Folk Singing compilation line. We take Excess, BankBusta, Stitchup, and Scarlet Fishie credit cards." Oops, you don't have any of those, so you hang up.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
  
  > wait awhile
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Floella Witt's new book, 'The Jellied Eel Terror of Brighton', out now!" Chloe looks up briefly.
  
  > wait a while
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
  
  > press 2 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 2.
  
  A wildlife programme plays on the television.
  
  > wait for a while
  You wait for a moment.
  
  A wildlife programme plays on the television.
  
  > press 3 on the remote
  The television flicks to channel 3.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
  
  > wait
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Enjoy Interactive Fiction games? Want to make your own? Then get the Inform compiler and library by Graham Nelson, available in the if-archive of ftp.gmd.de."
  
  > go north
  You can't go that way.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "New ComputerCo(R) GlassPanels(R) operating system. How Do You Want Your Computer To Crash Today?(R)"
  
  > go northeast
  Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.
  
  A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
  
  Scamp trots along here from the east, and sniffs at your feet.
  
  > go to the south-west
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  You can also see a video cassette here.
  
  Scamp trots off to the northeast.
  
  You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Floella Witt's new book, 'The Jellied Eel Terror of Brighton', out now!" Chloe looks up briefly.
  
  > wait a while
  You wait for a moment.
  
  You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
  
  > go southwest
  You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.
  
  A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
  
  You can also see a video cassette here.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "In this week's Cooee!! magazine, we have an exclusive feature on the cobbler to the stars, Fernell Kleeming. Only 95p!"
  
  > call 6787 on the phone
  You are only allowed one pizza on the 'buy now, pay later' scheme.
  
  You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "In this week's Cooee!! magazine, we have an exclusive feature on the cobbler to the stars, Fernell Kleeming. Only 95p!"
  
  > ask the door about the pizza
  "What pizza? I don't smell a pizza!"
  
  > tell the bathroom about the guard
  "Go away, I'm sulking!" Amazing, a talking door.
  
  > Go south
  You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
  
  You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
  
  > Go west
  You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...
  
  You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
  
  > Go north
  The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
  
  Scamp bounces and barks, trying to get you to play with him.
  
  > play with Scamp
  You chase Scamp around for a while, but soon tire.
  
  > go to the south
  Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.
  
  A pizza in a box lies conspicuously on the ground.
  
  > take the pizza
  (putting the cash tin box into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
  Taken.
  
  > Go west
  The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  A bald man in tennis gear pops his head around the bathroom door, sniffing the air. He sees the pizza you hold and opens the door widely. "Come in, come in!" he beckons.
  
  > ask the door about the pizza
  "What pizza? I don't smell a pizza!"
  
  > open the pizza box
  That's not something you can open.
  
  Scamp looks restless but stays here for the sake of the pizza.
  
  > enter the bathroom
  Copper seems to have been chosen as the main colour for the bathroom, and it has certainly produced an, erm, interesting effect. All the standard features are here: the toilet, the bath and shower, the sink, the cabinet etc. A frosted window prevents you from looking out onto the gardens properly, as the colours seem to merge together. As you expect, there is only one exit, and that is to the south.
  
  Uncle William sits on the side of the bath, mumbling something about his lunch being late.
  
  You can also see a bronze key here.
  
  > take the key
  (the bronze key)
  (putting the remote control into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
  Taken.
  
  > give the pizza to William
  "Thank you," he mumbles grudgingly, and starts chomping away at the pizza.
  
  > ask William about the wedding
  William acknowledges you with a grunt but little else. You are probably wasting your breath talking to him.
  
  > Go south
  The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.
  
  Scamp is up to mischief here.
  
  > unlock the door with bronze key
  You unlock the hall door.
  
  > open the hall door
  You open the hall door.
  
  > ask Albert about the golf
  "Crazy golf? I'd love a game!" says Albert. In a surprising display of energy, he tears out of the house and down the garden.
  
  > Go north
  A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.
  
  The gate to the north is open.
  
  > Go north
  A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.
  
  The gate to the south is open.
  
  A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
  
  > go to the northeast
  The flowers are so pretty that it would be a shame to just trample all over them.
  
  > go north
  The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.
  
  Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.
  
  > play the golf
  Albert remarks that he lost his last ball in a particularly exciting match almost a year ago, playing against the lady Mayoress. "That would have been before Godfrey died, of course," he ponders. "We were good mates even before Debs and Malc met up. You haven't got a golf ball, have you?"
  
  > say no
  (to Uncle Albert)
  Albert takes a tiny sip of his brandy but doesn't say anything.
  
  > ask Albert about the ball
  "Sorry old bean, don't know much about that."
  
  A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
  
  > ask Albert about the golf ball
  "Oh no," insists Albert, "after you. You play first."
  
  > say no to Albert
  "Sorry old bean, don't know much about that."
  
  Albert takes a tiny sip of his brandy but doesn't say anything.
  
  > ask Albert about Godfrey
  "One of my greatest friends - the most unpredictable and eccentric man I've ever met."
  
  Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
  
  > Go north
  You can't.
  
  You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
  
  > Search hedge
  Aha! Searching the hedge, you see a little gap underneath which is just big enough to squeeze through.
  
  A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
  
  > go to the north
  You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.
  
  You stand on the inside of a U-bend in a deep and fast flowing river - you are not sure of the name of it, since you didn't have much time to consult your A-to-Z on the way down, but it looks pretty much devoid of toxic waste and shopping trolleys. On the other side, you can see a field where the grass is overgrown and tall purple weeds have taken root. It reminds you of the wasteland behind your parents' house that you used to play in as a child. Anyway, the only way back is through the hole in the hedge to the south.
  
  > search river
  Peering into the water, you can see a white ball just within reach.
  
  > look at the water
  The water runs slower by the side of the U-bend facing up-river, as it hits the bank. The rest of the river is probably too dangerous to mess about with.
  
  > look at the ball
  The ball is hard and white, and has indentations all over it. It looks pretty much like a golf ball should.
  
  > eat the ball
  That's plainly inedible.