text: INTRODUCTION: This game is stupid, unrealistic, and not time specific at all. There will be weird references to things that haven't happened yet, misplaced musical cues, and a bunch of other lazy mistakes. Hopefully it will be fun, though. Try to do the stupid stuff, as it's usually funnier. Dying doesn't matter much and please don't take this too seriously. Good luck!
  
  Also, you'll come across items which represent proficiencies that will enable you to overcome certain obstacles you'll face in the story or alternatively cooler ways to solve problems. Click them once, and you'll take them. You don't need to use an item, it'll just unlock alternative choices throughout the plot.
  
  If you like music, we have also developed a few minute-long tracks to further induce the trance-like state that the '90s should provide for you. download them here. You'll know you've unlocked a song when some text at the top of a node tells you. Or, feel free to just play the songs whenever you feel if it helps you get immersed.
  
  Like This if Time Travel is Real and I'm in the '90s Again
  
  The calming glow of your computer screen splays a dim light across a complete collection of Nicktoon posters. You've liked your last 90s Remembrance page for the night, and close Facebook before settling back for another viewing of Jerry McGuire. You're 46 years old, your parents are dead, and Tony just got married. You reopen Facebook, idly spitting some tobacco into your Catdog Licensed Cup, and navigate to Tony's page. Wow, looks like he just got another award for some bullshit science achievement. You're sure mom and dad would be proud of him, just like they always were. Rocco jumps on your lap, purring excitedly, as she can sense some hot fire about to be spat on your idiot brother's face.
  
  > just sit back and let Tom Cruise show you the money
  You shake your head, "Not tonight, Tony" and settle in for another viewing of a sports classic. When Jay Mohr betrays Tom Cruise, you feel the exact same emotional turmoil you felt for the giant-headed actor you felt 30 years ago when you had dreams and a future. This is good. Your eyes dart back and forth, the crowded theater suddenly summoned from the depths of memory. Tara Krick sits awkwardly beside you. Finally having found the courage to ask her on a date, you slide your arm around her in a fake-yawn maneuver and let things kick themselves up a notch. "It's real. You should say something." Jay Mohr, the comic who has since become a schizophrenic with delusions that one of his three impressions is he actual self, says. You lean over in the past. You lean over in real life. You touch her lips. You touch the dreads of the lead singer of Korn. Ring-ring. Phone.
  
  > pick it up
  Your brother's voice comes through, "Cameron! Buddy! I did it."
  
  You sigh loudly and for as long as you can, "Did what? Buy clothes that look nice and fit well?" You look out at the invisible audience, uttering, "chucklefuck" under your breath as they explode into laughter.
  
  He ignores you, "Time travel! I finally discovered the Wu-Tang secret, and the machine is ready to go."
  
  "That's stu-" Wait. No. Your figurines, Nickelodeon lunchboxes, and wall-mounted pogs stare accusingly at you. "Can I see it?"
  
  "Of course, bro! It'd be really great to explore the past with you," you shake with involuntary rage. It's almost unbearable to have to suck up to this hipster idiot. He has no appreciation for the childhood you shared and every second you spend being nice to him is another vein exploding on your greasy forehead.
  
  "S-sure. I'll b-" You bite your tongue and the coppery taste of rage-blood mixes with saliva, "I'll be there soon."
  
  You shake your head, "Not tonight, Tony" and settle in for another viewing of a sports classic. When Jay Mohr betrays Tom Cruise, you feel the exact same emotional turmoil you felt for the giant-headed actor you felt 30 years ago when you had dreams and a future. This is good. Your eyes dart back and forth, the crowded theater suddenly summoned from the depths of memory. Tara Krick sits awkwardly beside you. Finally having found the courage to ask her on a date, you slide your arm around her in a fake-yawn maneuver and let things kick themselves up a notch. "It's real. You should say something." Jay Mohr, the comic who has since become a schizophrenic with delusions that one of his three impressions is he actual self, says. You lean over in the past. You lean over in real life. You touch her lips. You touch the dreads of the lead singer of Korn. Ring-ring. Phone.
  
  > You're busy. They can call back later.
  You throw your phone in the general vicinity of bed and settle in for a night of good memories and a nice, 12 hour sleep. You watch the movie for the 800th time, go to sleep, and wake up the next day the head of a major corporation. Your room is just like you remember it, sparse yet functional. Your wife wakes up, "Another good day to pay tribute to Dear Leader, honey. Don't you think?"
  
  You kiss her forehead, "Another fine day for loving you." And live out the rest of your life happy and fulfilled. Your brother did, however, go back in time and change the past so that some real stupid stuff happened all because you ignored your phone, though. If this is how you want to live your life then please just leave it here and have a great time, but if you would rather have fun and do a bunch of other things that are probably more interesting than this I'd suggest clicking the button at the bottom
  
  Rank: Very succesful person with 3.5 children and proud owner of a speedboat
  
  INTRODUCTION: This game is stupid, unrealistic, and not time specific at all. There will be weird references to things that haven't happened yet, misplaced musical cues, and a bunch of other lazy mistakes. Hopefully it will be fun, though. Try to do the stupid stuff, as it's usually funnier. Dying doesn't matter much and please don't take this too seriously. Good luck!
  
  Also, you'll come across items which represent proficiencies that will enable you to overcome certain obstacles you'll face in the story or alternatively cooler ways to solve problems. Click them once, and you'll take them. You don't need to use an item, it'll just unlock alternative choices throughout the plot.
  
  If you like music, we have also developed a few minute-long tracks to further induce the trance-like state that the '90s should provide for you. download them here. You'll know you've unlocked a song when some text at the top of a node tells you. Or, feel free to just play the songs whenever you feel if it helps you get immersed.
  
  Like This if Time Travel is Real and I'm in the '90s Again
  
  The calming glow of your computer screen splays a dim light across a complete collection of Nicktoon posters. You've liked your last 90s Remembrance page for the night, and close Facebook before settling back for another viewing of Jerry McGuire. You're 46 years old, your parents are dead, and Tony just got married. You reopen Facebook, idly spitting some tobacco into your Catdog Licensed Cup, and navigate to Tony's page. Wow, looks like he just got another award for some bullshit science achievement. You're sure mom and dad would be proud of him, just like they always were. Rocco jumps on your lap, purring excitedly, as she can sense some hot fire about to be spat on your idiot brother's face.
  
  > reminisce on the Attitude Era of the WWE
  "Give me a beer!" Stone Cold Steve Austin said 20 years ago. He liked to drink beer and to brutally wrestle other titans as well. You stroke the replica title belt that Tony bought for your 10th birthday. The words 'Cameron Rowan, Hardcore Champion, 2008' shine blue in the dim computer light, and you see yourself reflected in its glow. Not unattractive, you think, but the patchy fur covering your face is a monument to the disgusting child's visage you joke about with everyone you meet. You smile sleepily at the memory and your face. The phone beeps a Pokémon theme, and you look around to see if anyone noticed.
  
  !!! You've found an item. Click on it to pick it up and it will unlock a new dialogue option later in the story. No need to click it once it's in your inventory !!!
  
  > pick it up
  Your brother's voice comes through, "Cameron! Buddy! I did it."
  
  You sigh loudly and for as long as you can, "Did what? Buy clothes that look nice and fit well?" You look out at the invisible audience, uttering, "chucklefuck" under your breath as they explode into laughter.
  
  He ignores you, "Time travel! I finally discovered the Wu-Tang secret, and the machine is ready to go."
  
  "That's stu-" Wait. No. Your figurines, Nickelodeon lunchboxes, and wall-mounted pogs stare accusingly at you. "Can I see it?"
  
  "Of course, bro! It'd be really great to explore the past with you," you shake with involuntary rage. It's almost unbearable to have to suck up to this hipster idiot. He has no appreciation for the childhood you shared and every second you spend being nice to him is another vein exploding on your greasy forehead.
  
  "S-sure. I'll b-" You bite your tongue and the coppery taste of rage-blood mixes with saliva, "I'll be there soon."[Themes: family friendly, humor]
  
  [Author's Note: High school can be tough with all the cliques, bullies, "resource" officers, and changing rules. But that is nothing compared to the pre-school room! In pre-school you don't even know what a rule is, never mind that you're breaking it. And those evil naps can slip up on you before you know it. Can you make the right choices to make it through the pre-school day without getting spanked? Please note: There are just three endings to this little short: you survive pre-school, you do not make it through the day, and, well, you don't want to get the other ending. Also note: This is an intentionally short, very light-hearted story that is meant to be silly. Please read and enjoy in that vein. Story inspired by MattC]
  
  > Surviving Pre-School
  Your eyes open and you notice there is light. You're not sure why there is light, but there it is. You smell something, too, that smells a bit like poop. You're not really sure where that smell is coming from, but it's pretty strong. You yawn and wonder why you are yawning, after all, you just woke up. You blink your eyes again as you try to take in the area around you.
  
  There are massive bars to the left and right of you, clearly designed to keep you contained. You are lying on your back and above your head and below your feet are tall, solid walls, also clearly to keep you in this enclosure. You are lying on a soft surface that is mostly white with some specks of blue and pink coloring in places. There is also a small, stuffed bear staring at you. You remember the bear's name is bear and you wonder why he doesn't have a much better name like Ruprick or Ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong.
  
  There is a small bottle in the enclosure with you. You check it out and verify that it is empty. You are starting to get hungry, but that can wait while you check out this cage to see if there is a way for you to escape. The walls look solid and the bars don't give when you give them a yank.
  
  When you look up you notice that there are some things flying around up there. You can't quite focus on them. Are they too far away? That looks like it might be a butterfly, but the next one in line looks like a battleship? It looks like there are four or five brightly colored things moving in a circle above you. Perhaps you should investigate more.
  
  > stare at the flying objects.
  Looking more closely, you can see that one of the objects is an airplane. You wonder if it is a drone airplane with a camera being used to spy on you. You're not sure they would use that particular plane because it is colored bright orange. But maybe that's part of their plan -- to be so obvious no one would think that it could be a spy drone. You're going to have to keep an eye on that one, for sure.
  
  Following closely behind the orange spy drone is a butterfly. Clearly it is some sort of genetically modified butterfly because the entire insect is blue. Either that or it has been contaminated with some sort of toxic waste product. It doesn't appear to have any superpowers, but you can't be sure. It certainly is following that orange spy drone closely, though. You suppose it could be related to the spy drone and be some sort of insect drone, but you haven't heard of those being weaponized yet, so you're not sure what it could be.
  
  There is some sort of bright red thing following behind that toxic butterfly. You can't really tell what it is, it really just looks like a red blob. Whatever it is, it is keeping up with the toxic butterfly without any problem. It might even be part of the butterfly, especially if the butterfly is actually a weaponized insect. You just can't quite make out the shape on that red blob.
  
  But right behind that red blob is a bright yellow ship! How in the world have they engineered a ship to fly in space? You look for the red blob to see if perhaps it was involved with chemtrails and had poisoned you to hallucinate, but the red blob is completely gone from sight. You're not sure where it has gone, but you suspect that's the only reason you are seeing a bright yellow ship flying across the sky above your prison.
  
  Wait, there's the bright orange spy drone again, making another pass! This can't be coincidence, that plane has got to by out to get you and spying on you. You flip it the bird and say, "Yeah, film this you bastard!"
  
  You are suddenly interrupted by the voice of mommy saying, "Oh look, my sweetiekins is awake." She comes in and picks you up and you lose track of everything else that you were doing. You realize that you are hungry and she's showed up to feed you. Oh yeah.
  
  > Continue...
  After eating until you can eat no more, you burp quite loudly and belch out the extra stuff that just wouldn't fit. Man, that was good both coming and going, wasn't it? You notice your eyes are at half-mast as you sit there in a food coma, but realize that mommy is still moving you around. You don't mind because you can sleep anywhere, any time. But then mommy says, "No sleeping yet, darling, it's time to take you off to school!"
  
  Your eyes bolt awake. You remember that place called "school." It is a horrible, evil place! There are other crying babies there. There are no instructions, you just get in trouble for everything. And worst of all, there's no mommy there and that means no milk for you! You start crying as you think about the horror that you're going to have to suffer at the hands of those silly non-milk producing non-mommies.
  
  "There, there little one," your mom says, "You know it's not for very long. And mommy needs a break sometimes you know. When am I supposed to do my day-drinking if not when you're off being taken care of by someone else?" She rocks you back and forth and you fight the closing of your eyes.
  
  You keep crying as she takes you outside and places you in the car seat. Being dropped into the cold seat wakes you up a bit and stuns you, so you stop crying. You look around as your mommy straps you into place before you have time to try and escape. As she backs away you grab at the seat belt latch, but damn it, try as you might, you just cannot figure out how to make this latch work! You know you've seen mommy open it a dozen times, but no matter how hard you hit the latch, it will not open for you. As the car starts to move you give up and stare at the colors that zoom past your window.
  
  In no time at all the car stops moving. Mommy comes over and easily unlatches the latch that you cannot figure out. One day you will figure that out and then you will escape! But for now you just let mommy carry you into the school. Well, they call it a school, but you know it really is a prison camp for babies. She unceremoniously drops you in a carpeted area, kisses you on the head, and quickly heads for the door without turning back. You consider starting to cry, but she's already out the door, so there's not much point. The prison guards here don't care for it.
  
  You look around the room and see the various different colored things that you are allowed to play with. You spot the cookies up on a high shelf and know you're not getting to those any time soon, but maybe later. Nearby there is a pile of cardboard picture books that are good for a laugh sometimes, but just past them is a circle of other babies whom you might enlist in your army for when you takeover the world.
  
  > crawl over to the box of picture books.
  You crawl over to the pile of picture books and are glad to see the one with the witch flying on a broom on the top. You know this has got to be an old book because with all the political correctness going on today you figure if they made this book today it would have a black transgender man flying on the broom. But you like it fine just the way it is.
  
  Your fingers flip through the pages of the book. You see the witch flying through the air and you wonder where you might be able to find one of those flying brooms. You've tried the one that mommy uses at home, but you can't figure out how to make it fly. You haven't seen mommy fly on it, either, but maybe that's what she's doing right now.
  
  Suddenly when you turn the page you see the big, red wolf! You had really hoped he wasn't going to show up in the book today, but there he is again. He has some really long, shiny pointed teeth, but you don't look at them long, you quickly turn the page so you don't have to see then any more. One of these days you hope that witch defeats the wolf before you get to that page so you don't have to see it any more. It sure is scary. Maybe you should start packing when you go to school so you can be prepared for that darn wolf.
  
  > Continue...
  "Snack time," one of the prison guards calls out. You cannot help it, you drop what you are doing and start moving in their direction. So does everyone else. You mutter something about the group of you being trained like Pavlov's dog, but you really can't help it, you're hungry, so you crawl along, trying to get there before the other stinking kids do.
  
  As usual, it is total chaos. There must be 15 kids all plowing along the ground, bouncing off one another, trying to get to the snack table. You see one little girl, you think her name is Suzi, slip up and go face first into the ground. The kids behind her don't slow down, they just plow over her, shoving her down again. You lose sight of her in the mass of bodies as you shove another kid out of the way to get to the table.
  
  The screws wait until everyone is crowded around the table, their hands reaching out like some tentacled monster from the deep. They wait until even Suzi is back up and grasping out. They hold a few small plastic bags in their hands, almost teasing the crowd, but keeping the bags up and out of reach until they are ready.
  
  After they laugh and say something to one another, the guards finally open the bags and pull out handfuls of Cheerios-- those damn plain tasting, non-sugar filled pieces of crap. They remind you of things you've eaten from off the carpet that you still don't know what they were. But at the same time, you are pretty hungry. Then again, you can't really remember a time when you haven't been hungry. You can see the guards are moving slowly and carefully, placing a small handful of Cheerios in each outstretched hand. They have started at the other end, so you realize you might be able to climb up and reach the bag before they can see you...
  
  > refuse this crap.
  You take one last look at those crappy Cheerios. You see little Timmy, at the far end of the table, already trying to cram the entire handful he has received into his mouth at once. And Timmy has a drooling problem. Now there are three Cheerios stuck to his face as he chews and parts of other Cheerios are squished up and squirt out the corners of his mouth. You know without touching them that those are going to be sticky, nasty, and squishy. You are disgusted by this and just can't take any more. You're just not that hungry.
  
  You put your hand down and climb down from the edge of the table. You sit down on the ground and try to decide what else you'd like to do. You start to crawl away when you see something shiny across the room.
  
  "No, no, no! Don't do that or we will call your Mommy!"
  
  One of the prison guards yells at you as she picks you up. You take a last look at that shiny thing across the room, then forget all about it as you are plopped into a chair by the table. The teacher guard pries your hand open and shoves some Cheerios in it. Well, you figure, as long as they're already there, you can go ahead and shove them in your mouth before you continue on your adventures in the play room.
  
  > Continue...
  "Play time," calls out one of the guards. You are trying to figure out if one of the guards is the main guard and the one in charge. If one of them is in charge and you can take that one out, there might be chaos, and that might give you an opportunity to escape this prison. One of the guards seems to be a little slower than some of the other guards, and she appears to have trouble bending down and bending over. That might be a weakness you can exploit as well.
  
  Hey look, something shiny! Yes, all the other kids are moving around now, headed out to play with stuff. You want to play with stuff, too! And you want to be sure you get some good things to play with before all the other kids take the good toys and you get stuck with the crap no one wants.
  
  There is the always good pile of picture books with stories that always seem to surprise you, no matter how many times you read them. They sure look colorful from here and as an added benefit, you can chew on the edges of those books and get some flavor from them. That might help wash the crust of Cheerios out of your mouth a little bit.
  
  If you're feeling up to a challenge, there's that shapes and colors box. That thing is really hard. You are supposed to put the right shapes in the correct sides of the box with the correct colors, but there are so many different shapes and different colors, that thing can be really hard and sometimes tricky.
  
  As usual, there is the circle of kids who are getting together in a circle. You're really not sure why they do that, but they always do it. It is always the same kids and always the same circle. You wonder if they have some voodoo tricks they are working on, and any edge you can get over these teacher guards would be a good thing...
  
  > go learn shapes.
  Ok, you've decided to try this. It can't be that hard. You've seen the guards putting this thing away at the end of the day, and they just pick it up and put the parts in like it's nothing. You haven't been able to solve it yet, but you're sure it is just a matter of time before you figure this thing out. Then you can get back to work on designing your matter transmogrifier.
  
  You pick up one of the pieces and look at it. It is a simple piece of plastic. It's one of those primary colors that you know you've heard before. You're not sure which one it is, but you know it will fit in this darn box. You wonder why is it hollow and shake it to make sure there's not something hidden inside. It doesn't sound like there is, so you go to work.
  
  You check out the yellow box. There are so many holes in it, you wonder how it stays together. There are colors on each side and holes on every side. The holes are all different shapes, and you really can't tell one from another. You've got to try and get this plastic block into one of those holes, though. You set the box down on the ground and look at the holes on the top of the box. There are three of them, so surely this darn plastic thing will fit in one of those holes...
  
  > try the 1st hole.
  You carefully line up the plastic thing and the hole. You can see the space through the hole. You can see the plastic thing. You let go of the plastic thing and it doesn't go through the hole. You yell at it, "Get in the hole, you bastard!" It doesn't move at all. You grab the plastic thing and shove it harder into the hole. It does not budge.
  
  You continue yelling at it, "Why don't you just go home? That's your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me, you plastic block!"
  
  The plastic block does not answer you. You slap it one more time and this time it slides to the side, off the edge of the box, and onto the floor. You pick it up and look at it, wondering why it didn't go into the hole. You take another look at the box and have to decide if you're going to try this again...
  
  > give up, this is too hard.
  "Lunch time," calls out one of the screws. Once again, almost as a mass, the group of children head towards the gathered guards. This time the guards have little plates with bits of food on them already setup and placed on the table. Kids walk up to the table and the guards are there to ensure each kid only gets one plate. You amble over to the table and grab your plate.
  
  Sure, they call this lunch, but you're betting if you could get the USDA out here, they sure wouldn't call it lunch. There is a single cracker and a piece of cheese on the cracker. Next to that is a carrot. A carrot, for darn sake! Who eats carrots these days? You grab the carrot and gnaw on the end of it, trying to see if you can make a point out of it. It isn't too hard, but the point is pretty squishy, so you don't think you could use it as a weapon. You're going to have to keep your eyes open, there's got to be a way to overtake these guards.
  
  Just as you finish eating, the head guard calls out, "Play time outside!" Most of the kids start towards the exit door, but a few need a push. You're not sure if the time is right, but maybe you could make an escape here. If you head to nap time, you might split up the guards and be able to take out one and make an escape. But if you fail, the guards might use this option while you are separated from the other kids to have you "accidentally fall" or something...
  
  > go outside with the rest.
  You head outside with the others into the prison yard. There are tall chain-link fences ensuring that none of you escape. They don't have barbed wire on the top of them, but the fences are so tall, you're sure none of the inmates will be able to escape. There used to be a teeter-totter that might have been used to escape, but they removed that and replaced it with nothing. Presumably someone thought it would be safer and someone might be injured and if that happened there would be lawsuits for years.
  
  There are still a number of options for you and the other inmates as you blink in the bright sunshine. There are a pair of little swings where you could go attempt to swing. Usually those are heavily supervised so the teacher guards can make sure you don't swing too high. Most kids also need a bit of help to get strapped into the swings, too.
  
  In the middle of the play area is the center of attention, the sandbox. This is everyone's favorite place to play and Billy is already face-down in the sand. It looks like he's eating something that might be a Tootsie-Roll but probably isn't. There are a couple other toys in the sandbox, but you're already too late to claim those -- the first to arrive get them every time, but you might be able to grab one from someone else.
  
  Your other options are a bit limited. There is some grass on the other side of the sandbox where some of the kids are playing. Little Suzi is over there, squatting down, and by the look on her face, she might be taking a dump. There is still plenty of other places in the grass to play.
  
  You could also head over to the side, far away from the building and the swings. Over there the fence looks like it might be the weakest, and there might be an opportunity to escape. You also sometimes see other people on the other side of the fence in that area who you might be able to bribe into helping you escape this madhouse.
  
  > Go play on the swings.
  You head over to the swings and notice that two other kids have already beat you there. They are already strapped into the seats and the teachers are pushing them. They are laughing and having fun, unlike you, who is just walking across the prison yard with nothing to do. You figure when the guards see you, they will give you a turn, but in the meantime, you are going to think about how you can escape this nightmare.
  
  "No, no, no! Don't do that or we will call your Mommy!"
  
  Whoa! What just happened? Suddenly you're in the air and you didn't even get in line for the swings. You realize that one of the screws has picked you up and she is talking to you.
  
  "You have to be careful, little one. You almost walked right in front of those other kids who are swinging. I guess you didn't see the bright orange safety tape we put down to mark the area where you're not supposed to walk. Here, let me set you over here, and you can play somewhere else. Just watch out for that orange tape and stay away from it!"
  
  You look back and see there's some crap on the ground, but you don't really care, you just want to get away from that guard. She's going to get hers one day if you have any say in it. In the meantime, you've got places to go and things to do...
  
  > Go play in the sandbox.
  You head over to the sandbox while planning your next move. You eyeball the kids that are already there, scoping out a clear spot where you can start taking over the world. Just as you arrive, Johnny drops his plastic shovel and runs off towards a worm in the grass! While everyone is distracted by Johnny, you slip into his spot and pick up the shovel. Yes!
  
  You have the shovel and you know how to use it. You've also got a clear spot in the sandbox for your creation. You start using the shovel the most effective way you know to use it: slamming it on the ground. You smack the ground again and again, sending little bits of sand up in the air each time you raise the shovel. You stop and look at your creation and think, "Not too bad."
  
  You continue building your 27-room mansion in the sand, complete with operational smart-home technology, secure Wi-Fi, and guard dogs. You make sure the fence around the outside is electrified, and just for good measure include a moat filled will alligators. You make a drawbridge that has a Bluetooth connection to your Big Wheel, so it will open when you approach it, but not when anyone else does. You slap the shovel on the ground a couple more times to make your masterpiece complete.
  
  "Time to go inside!"
  
  You were just getting the final touches on the mansion when you heard the guards call out. You knew that it would do no good trying to stay outside now, and you're getting close to your release time, so you jump up, abandoning your project, and head for the door.
  
  > go inside.
  Once you are back inside, you know what time it is: milk time! At least that's what time it would be if mommy were around. You look around. There is no mommy here, though some of those guards look like they might be able to provide you with the milk you need right now. You start to drool thinking about the milk.
  
  "Nap time, everyone!"
  
  Oh, that's right. This is also nap time. Well, usually, for you, get some...milk before your nap time. It helps you sleep a lot better. But while you still see some milk supplies, you don't see any being offered up to anyone. Instead, the other kids are all headed to the ground with pillows, blankets, and a few stuffed animals here and there. You plop yourself down in the middle of the group on some nice blue pads. You don't lie down right away, because you are still hoping that someone is going to break out some milk for you.
  
  Most of the other kids are already lying down. One of the guards puts on some soft, sleepy-time music. Your eyelids are already getting heavy. But you know you will sleep better if you can get a bit of milk first...
  
  > cry for milk before you sleep.
  You don't really care what the other kids are doing. This is about you, and you're damn hungry. You want to eat. You want your milk, even if your mommy isn't here to give it to you. You're sure one of these guards can provide you milk. You open your mouth and let it rip! You cry out, "Milk, milk, milk! I want my milk!"
  
  "No, no, no! Don't do that or we will call your Mommy!"
  
  One of the guards comes over to you and tries to comfort you. She gently pushes you to the floor and gets you to lie down. You try and resist, but she's just plain too powerful for you. You hit the ground and you start to feel tired. You still really want your milk. You wonder where your mommy might be, she always has milk ready for you. You really don't want to go to sleep, you want milk...
  
  > keep crying!
  "NO!" you hear right in your ear before your world suddenly spins and moves. You realize you have been picked up and are being taken away to the side of the room. The teacher drops you, unceremoniously, into a small plastic chair in the corner. It hurts a little when you crash into the seat, but you're more surprised that you've been yanked up so quickly that you're still not sure what is going on.
  
  The teacher gets in your face and points at you, saying, "No, no, no! How many times do we need to tell you no before you understand. You have to learn how to listen in here or you're not going to be able to stay in here. I am warning you now that if this behavior keeps up, we are going to call your mommy and you won't like it if we call your mommy. She's going to be mad at you and you're going to get spanked, so you better starts listening to us. Do you understand?!?"
  
  You are so shocked at the women pointing and yelling at you that you just sit there and slowly nod your head. You want to cry, but you're not sure if that will just get you in more trouble. All you want to do is go play with stuff now, this is too much pressure for you. No one should have to put up with this kind of pressure just to get through the day. As the teacher continues to stare at you, you wonder if you should take up smoking or if you could sneak in some vodka in your sippy cup next time to try and mellow out just a little bit tomorrow.
  
  The teacher stares at you a bit more, then finally smiles. She says, "Oh, I can't stay mad at you, you little cutie!" She lightly pinches your cheek and continues, "Yes you are, you are a cutie!" Then she turns serious and says, "But I'm not kidding, you need to behave or we are going to call your mommy."
  
  Once you are back inside, you know what time it is: milk time! At least that's what time it would be if mommy were around. You look around. There is no mommy here, though some of those guards look like they might be able to provide you with the milk you need right now. You start to drool thinking about the milk.
  
  "Nap time, everyone!"
  
  Oh, that's right. This is also nap time. Well, usually, for you, get some...milk before your nap time. It helps you sleep a lot better. But while you still see some milk supplies, you don't see any being offered up to anyone. Instead, the other kids are all headed to the ground with pillows, blankets, and a few stuffed animals here and there. You plop yourself down in the middle of the group on some nice blue pads. You don't lie down right away, because you are still hoping that someone is going to break out some milk for you.
  
  Most of the other kids are already lying down. One of the guards puts on some soft, sleepy-time music. Your eyelids are already getting heavy. But you know you will sleep better if you can get a bit of milk first...
  
  > go to sleep.
  You decide you've had enough battling these screws. You go ahead and lie down. You rest your head on a nice pillow that just happens to be in the right place. You are still a bit hungry, but you're even more tired. You close your eyes and fall asleep almost immediately.
  
  You dream about machine guns. Machine guns mounted on drones that you ride like a horse. You imagine flying up and out of this prison mommy calls school. Of course, you don't leave, you simply bank the drone and come back for some serious strafing runs across the property. You shoot up the fences to ensure the others can escape as well. You make sure to take some shots at the head guard. You're not sure if you hit her, but she got herself out of sight pretty darn quickly.
  
  Then you imagine that you drive your drone up to some rather large milk supplies. You pause and hover the drone and have some warm milk. Oh yeah, that is some good milk. Those look like endless milk supplies, too. And since you're in a drone, you just go ahead and pee, too, because that's what you do. Then you take the drone around and take another run across the prison yard.
  
  > wake up...
  You wake slowly and realize that the lights have been turned back on. Some of the kids are still sleeping, but others have gotten up and started wandering around a bit. It is still quiet, but then you see that someone's mommy has arrived!
  
  You suddenly are wide awake! You have survived another day in this prison hell! You know mommy is on her way here, and of course, that means milk for you! You start to bounce up and down a little, looking around, wondering how quickly your mommy is going to get here. Almost right away, you spot her and take off at a run towards her.
  
  Of course, your feet don't work so well because you really don't know how to run that good, so you crash and land on your face. It doesn't hurt that bad, so you scramble back to your feet and start running again, only to crash once again. You're getting closer to the mommy and the milk, so that's okay. Up you go again.
  
  This time before you get going, mommy picks you up! You reach out for the milk and start grabbing and pulling. Mommy laughs and stops you, talking to the prison guards for a bit. You keep trying to get to the milk, but she stops you every time. Finally she takes you outside. Usually she tosses you into the car seat, but this time she heads into the other side of the car. Yes! It is time to eat!
  
  Congratulations, you managed to survive the day at preschool! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.