text: [Themes: Horror, Humor, horror, female protagonist, humor, music, treasure hunt]
  
  Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.
  
  This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
  . . .
  
  A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!
  
  Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!
  
  The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
  (* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)
  
  (* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)
  
  Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.
  
  (WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)
  
  You can see your climbing pack here.
  
  [Author's Note: Danger-filled Ghosterington Manor appears atop the same cliff each year on Samhain night. Hidden inside are the last four works of the dead bad poet Vigilance Ghosterington. Those four poems are worth a fortune, and you, famous adventurer Jubilee Grief, are determined to find them.]
  
  > About yourself
  Your hair's tied back in a tight ponytail and you're wearing your flexible black climbing and spying catsuit. Your minimal look has become all the rage with female adventurers.
  
  > look at the pack
  The pack is a big pile of ropes and pulleys you used to get up here. You'll leave it here by the cliff until it's time to leave.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying:
  a black catsuit (being worn)
  a six shooter
  
  > examine the shooter
  This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. It's loaded with three bullets.
  
  > examine the catsuit
  It makes you totally inconspicuous or attractive as the situation calls for. Amazing!
  
  > remove the catsuit
  Messing with your catsuit could get you killed!
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying:
  a xyzzy (being worn)
  a xyzzy
  
  > look at xyzzy
  You feel confused.
  
  > Yes
  Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.
  
  This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
  . . .
  
  A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!
  
  Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!
  
  The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
  (* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)
  
  (* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)
  
  Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.
  
  (WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)
  
  You can see your climbing pack here.
  
  > go north
  You're in the vestibule of Ghosterington Manor, a well appointed hall of black marble. Doorways lead west and north, and you can leave the manor to the south.
  
  > Go west
  You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.
  
  > go west
  You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the north and east.
  
  On the west wall is a painting of Vigilance Ghosterington himself.
  
  > examine the painting
  Ghosterington's generally weak and tardy face, pale beneath his widow's peak, is compensated for by a rather cruel but good looking mouth.
  
  > examine the mouth
  As you step closer to examine the mouth, a tiny voice from behind the painting whispers:
  
  "Brown cow's what I used to use
  I need another living muse
  tell me now what should it be
  as well you might, ho ho, hee hee!"
  
  > Coffee
  The voice whispers:
  
  "Your answer, poorly,
  makes me sorely."
  
  > examine the blood
  The walls are dark with the ancient dried out blood of a self-hating bad poet. It's sad. Sad and gross.
  
  > move painting
  Nothing obvious happens.
  
  A white statue materialises in the room. Perspiration immediately breaks out on your forehead. You instinctively realise that this is the thing called Terror Statue.
  
  > look at the Statue
  A tall white marble statue of a robed man. You want to lift your eyes to his face but you're too afraid to look.
  
  > Punch statue
  Your fear prevents you from approaching Terror Statue. The only way to attack him is by shooting at him.
  
  > shoot statue
  The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.
  
  You've got two more bullets.
  
  > Go north
  The western way continues in all directions - except west.
  
  An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
  
  You hear an alarming grinding and ticking sound as a silvery figure plods into the room. It's a clockwork girl. Her bloody metal face is stretched into a permanently agonised grimace. She's wielding an axe and looking at you.
  
  > take the shell
  You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
  
  > examine girl
  She's hideous, built out of metal and chunks of female flesh and tied together with veins and gristle.
  
  > examine the shell
  Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
  
  > Go north
  This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.
  
  A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.
  
  The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
  
  > Go east
  There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
  
  > Go south
  This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.
  
  You hear a click from the floor as you enter the room.
  
  > Go east
  The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.
  
  A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.
  
  > take the plant
  You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
  
  > examine the plant
  One of the papery leaves is in fact not a leaf but a piece of paper. You take it.
  
  The clockwork girl plods into the room.
  
  > go north
  This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.
  
  There's a small vanity here.
  
  The clockwork girl plods into the room.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying:
  paper A
  a black catsuit (being worn)
  a six shooter
  
  > Examine paper a.
  There's one word on it: elephant.
  
  Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
  
  > Go south
  This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.
  
  You hear two clicks from the floor as you enter the room.
  
  > go west
  The western way continues in all directions - except west.
  
  An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
  
  The clockwork girl plods into the room.
  
  > examine the shell
  Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
  
  > Go east
  This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.
  
  You hear three clicks from the floor as you enter the room.
  
  In an instant, the golden ceiling descends to the floor, crushing you flat.
  
  > examine the gun
  This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. You've got two more bullets.