text: > look around
  You are standing in the entrance to a large hangar. The room is so large and the lights are so dim that your eyes have a difficult time adjusting. Next to the door is a small table.
  
  Just past the table is a cage. Off in the distance, you can make out the shape of a UFO.
  
  You can see Arf, a cage (which is empty) and a table here.
  
  Arf is freaking out. "Let's get out of here!"
  
  The workers are approximately 10' away now, close enough to see that they mean serious business.
  
  > throw Reese's at the workers
  Futile.
  
  Arf is freaking out. "Let's get out of here!"
  
  What part about running did you not understand??
  
  I'm not really sure what you expected to happen. As the crowd reaches you, several members of the mob shove you the ground. Looking up you see a bearded man, about your size, with a giant wrench raised above his head. The man squints his eyes together and, noticing the nametag on your spacesuit, asks, "Why exactly are you wearing my suit?"
  
  "This cannot possibly end well," you think to yourself. The giant wrench in Rodzinski's hand agrees.
  
  > throw Reese's at the floor
  Futile.
  
  "I'm gray, I'm juicy, and don't want to be sushi! Let's go!" says Arf.
  
  What part about running did you not understand??
  
  I'm not really sure what you expected to happen. As the crowd reaches you, several members of the mob shove you the ground. Looking up you see a bearded man, about your size, with a giant wrench raised above his head. The man squints his eyes together and, noticing the nametag on your spacesuit, asks, "Why exactly are you wearing my suit?"
  
  "This cannot possibly end well," you think to yourself. The giant wrench in Rodzinski's hand agrees.
  
  > go north
  You are standing in a hallway. The walls, ceiling, and doors are all various shades of gray. A small sign on the door to your NORTH reads "DRESSING ROOM". A small sign on the door to your SOUTH reads "TOP SECRET". The hallway leads both EAST and WEST. To the EAST, the hallway gets very dark, very quickly. On the wall hangs what appears to be an alarm system, complete with a blinking red light and some text displayed on a small screen.
  
  You can see an alarm system here.
  
  Arf is freaking out. "Let's get out of here!"
  
  > Go east
  You should be moving away from danger at this point, not towards it.
  
  Arf is dragging you by the arm. "Let's go!" he cries.
  
  What part about escaping did you not understand??
  
  While standing around in the hallway, the door to the hallway bursts open. Before you have time to react, the crowd shoves you the ground. Looking up you see a bearded man, about your size, with a giant wrench raised above his head. The man squints his eyes together and, noticing the nametag on your spacesuit, asks, "Why exactly are you wearing my suit?"
  
  "This cannot possibly end well," you think to yourself. The giant wrench in Rodzinski's hand agrees.
  
  > go west
  You are standing in a hallway. The walls, ceiling, and doors are all various shades of gray. To your NORTH is a door marked "ASTRONAUT LOUNGE". To your SOUTH is a door marked "OBSERVATION". The hallway leads both EAST and WEST, where you can see more doors.
  
  "However you got here, we should do that, but in reverse!" says Arf.
  
  The angry workers are in the hallway, headed your direction!
  
  > go west
  You are standing at the west end of a long hallway. All the walls, ceiling, and other doors have been painted a drab shade of gray, save for the red door you entered through, which is directly to your WEST. The door to your NORTH, which is now open, has a small plaque that reads "IN PROCESSING". The door to your SOUTH has a small plaque that reads "INTERROGATION". The hallway continues EAST from here. You can see more doors in that direction.
  
  Arf is freaking out. "Let's get out of here!"
  
  The mob is gaining on you!
  
  > Go west
  Still running at full speed, you plow into door at the end of the hallway. "There!" you shout, pointing at your El Camino in the parking lot.
  
  "You came here in that thing?" asks Arf, running along side you. "You're braver than I thought!"
  
  As the two of you jump into your trusty ride the mob begins to pour out of the building, waving wrenches and hammers and pitchforks in the air. As your brain pauses for a moment to wonder why astronauts and government officials would have pitchforks at their disposal, Arf takes over. The El Camino's engine roars to life, and its tires squeal as the car spins around in a 180 before lurching toward the guard shack and row of tire spikes.
  
  "I got this," says Arf, and with that the El Camino begins to lift up off the ground, sailing up and over the row of tire-shredding spike strips. (It should be noted that on any other day, there would have been an armed security guard standing inside the guard shack ready to shoot you. On this particular day however, that guard is sitting in a Porta-Potty one hundred yards away, wondering why on earth he decided to accept and eat a moldy burrito from a complete stranger.)
  
  As the car continues to rise, you notice the crowd doesn't look so menacing from up here. "We made it," you say to yourself. "We made it!"
  
  "Yep, we made it," confirms Arf. After a brief, uncomfortable moment of silence, you notice Arf looking at you. "And now, it's time to eat," he says, salivating ...
  
  "Know any good taco stands?" he asks.
  
  A few moments later the El Camino touches down in the Taco Flaco drive-thru. "This place has the best tacos in town," you say. The staff of Taco Flaco begins gathering at the window, looking out at the two of you.
  
  "Ah jeez man, let's go," says Arf. You assure him that it's cool and that these are good people, but Arf continues to slump down in his seat. It is then that you hear a voice, an angelic voice you've known for years.
  
  "Arfie? Arfie, is that you in there?" says Gloria from the drive-thru window. "Oh Arfie! I just KNEW you would come back!" Gloria climbs out the drive-thru window, pregnant as ever, with a suitcase in her hand. "I TOLD you," she shouts back at the workers still standing in the drive-thru window. "I TOLD you my baby daddy would come back!"
  
  "Wait ..." you say. "You ... and HER?" you ask Arf in disbelief.
  
  "What can I say," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "Chicks love a dude with a UFO."
  
  "Oh, Arfie baby" says Gloria as she climbs into the passenger seat, forcing Arf to scoot closer to you. "Heeeeey, Glo-bean," he says, faking a little gray smile. Gloria begins kissing Arf on the cheek. "Didja miss me? Didja? Didja? Oh, it's so good to see you! Finally, we can settle down! Just me, you, Arfie junior, and ... wait, how do you know the stupid coupon guy?" she says, looking at you. "And why is he wearing a goldfish bowl on his head?"
  
  "It's a long story," says Arf as the front end of the El Camino begins to lift up off the ground. "Say, is that a Sir Guide-A-Lot 350 GPS? I have one just like it in my ship! Sir Guide-A-Lot?" says Arf.
  
  "Yo, yo, yo," says Sir Guide-A-Lot 350.
  
  "Take us to Mzzrxklpletic-405, please."
  
  "Aw yeah, BABY GOT BACK!" responds Sir Guide-A-Lot.
  
  You hand Arf the "World's Greatest Dad" mug. "I think this belongs to you, bro," you say.
  
  And with that, the El Camino, with you behind the wheel, Gloria using your rear view mirror to put on lipstick, and Arf uncomfortably smooshed between the two of you, takes off like a rocket into the sky. Next Stop: Mzzrxklpletic-405 ...