text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  You know trouble when you see it, and this little underage tart is definitely trouble.
  
  "I know what the hell I'm doing." You shout, as you throw the food to the pigs. You didn't realize pigs could jump so high until one bites your finger in an attempt to get at the food.
  
  "OW SHIT!" you shout, and draw your hand away. Suzy instantly runs up to you.
  "See? I told you! Here let me look at that. You're bleeding."
  "I'm fine, I..." You stop talking as soon as Suzy begins kissing your hand.
  "Does this feel better? How about this?" Suzy then proceeds to suck slowly on your bleeding finger and look at you while doing it.
  "Uh...stop that! Jeez what the hell is wrong with you, I'm your fuckin' cousin!" you say withdrawing your hand from Suzy this time.
  "Sorry, would you like me to do that lower then?"
  "I'd like you to leave me the fuck alone! I ain't intendin' to make the bloodlines in this family to be anymore inbred than they already are! Don't you have something else to do?"
  "Not really. Ohhh Tattoos! You get these in the big city?" she says rubbing your arms.
  "Big city? You mean that shithole town I live in? Yeah."
  I wish I lived in the big city like you. That way I could do anything I wanted instead of being stuck here on this boring ol' farm."
  "Well why don't you just fuckin' leave?"
  "How? I don't have no money."
  "Oh I'm sure a girl like you could make tons of money in town, all you gotta do is get there."
  "Huh! Ma and Pa would never allow that! They want me to rot here!"
  "So, who says you gotta do what they say? Fuck, my Pappy used to beat me with a fuckin' ball peen hammer when I used act up an' I still did what the fuck I wanted anyway!"
  "Aw man that's so cool! Oh Cousin Mel will you take me back to your town?! It's so boring here! I wanna live where the action is!" Suzy begins grabbing your arm in excitement.
  
  Nice going big mouth.
  
  > refuse to drive her to town
  "Hell no! You ain't getting' me into trouble. You wanna get to town so badly then you find your own way. An' no, wiggling your ass isn't gonna help you change my position on the subject either, so you'd better just get that out of your mind right now. Whew, it's fuckin' hot." You say getting back to throwing food to the hogs
  
  This simple statement seems to give Suzy a glimmer in her eye and she runs off. As you continue to avoid getting your fingers bitten off by swine, Suzy returns with a jug, which she gives to you.
  
  "What's this?"
  "Well you said you were thirsty, so I went and got some of my Daddy's White Lightning from our still out back."
  "Oh ho! So I guess pigs aren't the only way you're raking in money around here."
  "Nah, Pa just uses it for himself mainly and a few others, I never drank any before I heard it's really strong."
  "Shit, they ain't MADE a drink strong enough for me yet." You say and proceed to knock the jug back.
  
  About five minutes after drinking it, you feel quite different...
  
  "So about goin' back to town, you gonna take me?" Suzy asks again.
  "Huh? (hic!) Ohhhh so that wasssh yer li'l plan eh? Get me dru (hic!)get me dru (hic!) get me drun (hic!) get me inebriated so I'd be easier to convince."
  "Oh no I'd never do that cousin Mel, I know you're too smart for that!" Suzy says and begins rubbing your chest.
  "Ah (hic!) now you usin' (hic!) yer wiles on me again! I know you! (hic!) hmmm but I gotta say I don't mind it right now..." you say and start fondling her. You hear some laughter and then you black out...
  
  You feel the splash of ice cold water on you.
  "AGH! What the fuck!?" you wake up, rub your eyes and feel a heavy kick to your ribs.
  "Mel you dipshit! Suzy's gone! You got drunk on MY moonshine an' she stole your truck!" Clem says and you feel another kick.
  "OW! Fucker stop kicking me!"
  "That's not Clem, you blind drunken bastard! It's me!" Bertha shouts giving you another kick.
  "Okay Bertha that'll do, it probably wasn't entirely Mel's fault bein' that he's got a weakness for the whiskey."
  "Wait you said she stole my fuckin' truck?! Shit! Shit!" you say still half in the bag.
  "Ah I wouldn't worry too much, she probably just went to town like she's always harpin' on about. I'm sure its fine."
  "No! The fuckin' breaks are shot on it! She might've crashed it!"
  
  You, and Clem instantly run to his truck, with Bertha threatening that she'll cut your balls off, if Suzy's hurt. Sure enough as you drive further up the dirt road, your truck is lying in a ditch; Suzy is sitting by the side of it.
  
  "Suzy you okay?"
  "Yeah, but cousin Mel's truck nearly killed me!" she says.
  "My truck! You were the one who stole it! You fuckin' ruined it you stupid bitch!"
  "Now hold on there Mel, you can't just talk that way to my baby girl like that. It was yer fault for letting her steal it in the first place."
  "Fuck you Clem!" you say and kick him in the balls. "Since you feel everything's my fault, I'll give ya something to legitimately blame me for! Thanks for the new truck!" you take Clem's key and drive back to the trailer.
  
  Tina wonders why you're home so late.
  "So I see you're only half drunk, why the attempt at sobriety?"
  "I didn't wanna ruin my new truck." You answer collapsing on the couch.