text: [Themes: modern]
  
  "Mel, get the fuck up you lazy motherfucker!"
  
  Arrgh! That's your girlfriend Tina. Its only 1:00 PM and she's screaming at you to get up. Probably wants you to get a job.
  
  "Alright! Jesus fucking Christ woman, get off my fucking ass!" you shout back, holding your head.
  
  As you get up crushed beer cans roll off your body. You realize you passed out the night before on the kitchen floor of the trailer. Empty bottles of Wild Turkey and Jack Daniels lie strewn about the floor along with a pile of cigarette butts.
  
  Whew! You must've really been partying hard last night! You smell like ass and vomit!
  
  > have sex with Tina
  As you get up, you see Tina enter the room, she's just got out of the shower and looks fucking hot with her skimpy bathrobe on that barely covers her ass. You got a big pink boner that's standing as high as your fucking mullet just looking at her.
  
  You certainly lucked out when you managed to snag the ex-head cheerleader of Oakwood High. And its really a good thing she turned 18 soon after you fucked her. There's still laws in this state against 30 year olds engaging in that sort of behavior if he hasn't married her or at least is her cousin.
  
  You go up and start groping her chest and attempt to kiss her, she slaps you away.
  
  "What the fuck are you doing? I ain't in the mood for that shit! I just took a fucking shower and I don't feel like taking another one after your smelly ass lays on top of me!"
  "Well fuck, you can be on top then."
  "Yeah like I was last night, doing all the fucking work as usual! You ain't getting shit until you get a fucking job!"
  
  > Go get a job
  You have no desire to go get a job, but you decide you'd better make the effort. Tina suggests that you could go to Billy Ray's Burgers since he's always hiring, but you're loathed to work in that shithole.
  
  Maybe you should try the Big Jim's Repair Shop, though you don't really want to work for that miserable bastard either.
  
  Your cousin Clem always said you could help him with his Pig Farm, but you're not sure if you want to put up with his wife. You already have to deal with one bitch at home, you don't feel like dealing with one at work too.
  
  Speaking of which, Tina also suggests that they need a new bouncer at her strip club, Kitty City. Wow, working with your girlfriend, joy joy joy...
  
  Of course there's always odd jobs you could do around the trailer park and pick up metal scraps to sell to the junkyard, the problem there is trying to make enough money doing it to appease Tina.
  
  As you get up, you see Tina enter the room, she's just got out of the shower and looks fucking hot with her skimpy bathrobe on that barely covers her ass. You got a big pink boner that's standing as high as your fucking mullet just looking at her.
  
  You certainly lucked out when you managed to snag the ex-head cheerleader of Oakwood High. And its really a good thing she turned 18 soon after you fucked her. There's still laws in this state against 30 year olds engaging in that sort of behavior if he hasn't married her or at least is her cousin.
  
  You go up and start groping her chest and attempt to kiss her, she slaps you away.
  
  "What the fuck are you doing? I ain't in the mood for that shit! I just took a fucking shower and I don't feel like taking another one after your smelly ass lays on top of me!"
  "Well fuck, you can be on top then."
  "Yeah like I was last night, doing all the fucking work as usual! You ain't getting shit until you get a fucking job!"
  
  > attempt to woo Tina a little more
  "Come on baby, my dick ain't gonna suck itself."
  "Yeah well I ain't doin' it either right now."
  "Dammit I got NEEDS woman! What the fuck do you want me to do? Go in the bathroom and jack off?"
  "Wouldn't be the first time."
  "Just give it up already; you know you want my massive man missile inside you as much as I do." You say making a bad attempt at seduction.
  "Massive Man...? Where the hell do you come up with this shit? You actually think that's gonna make me wet?"
  "No, but this will."
  You quickly go over to your CD player and shove in "Night Ranger's Greatest Hits" and cue up "Sister Christian".
  
  "Remember this baby? When I first brought you here and we first fucked? An' how I bent you over that kitchen table and you said you never felt like that before?"
  "Yeah, because there was fucking dried bread crumbs embedded in my tits afterwards."
  "Aw come on honey, you know you had fun...it was a special time for both of us."
  "Well, you did carry me over to the bed later."
  "Of course, because you're sexier than Jenna Jameson and Traci Lords combined. You're so fuckin' small, an' firm, an' tight..." You begin to kiss her, and she responds appropriately, the music seems to be working too
  "Mmmm, I like it when you sweet talk me like that." She says grinding up against you.
  "You know what else is sweet? Your pussy juices. Baby your juices are sweet enough to kill a diabetic!"
  "OH MEL! Take me now!" she screams jumping on you and pulling you onto the bed at the same time!
  
  You and Tina immediately strip off each other's clothing and begin to engage in red hot redneck love. You begin munching on her rug so good that you would put lesbian gym teacher to shame. Tina returns the favor by slobbering on your dick like it was a fuckin' meat lollipop and she was trying to get to the center without biting. You being the gentleman that you are decide not to give her a protein shake today and instead turn her around and start ramming her from behind like an insane Panamanian mental patient that's been locked up in solitary confinement for thirty years. She's loving every minute of it. She feels like some farm animal being violated by a curious young farm boy who is experimenting with interspecies sex for the first time. She begins to switch positions with a movement so quick that you don't even realize it until, she's got her big tits in your face and is looking downward at you as her pussy envelops your dick in an up and down manner. God she's so fuckin' flexible, you're spinning her on your dick like a fucking little toy. As the vibrations in both of your bodies rival those of earthquake tremors, you and her suddenly climax, let out a yell of ecstasy and collapse on the bed together.
  "Oh Mel. Shit. That was fucking wonderful." She says panting and attempts to cuddle with you.
  "Zzzzzzzzzz..." you reply, but you don't push her away mainly since you're in a deep sleep already.
  
  Later Tina goes to work and lets you sleep. You wake up later and waste the day watching sports, porn, and predictable sitcoms.
  
  Congratulations, your cocksmanship has allowed you to avoid getting a job!