text: [Themes: Satire, Fantasy]
  
  > Go downwards
  Screwing up your courage, you shinny down the rope.
  
  You're standing at the bottom of a pit, cut into the rock. The
  walls are solid bedrock, and quite sheer; you won't be able to climb up them. Luckily, a rope dangles down from above. Cutting this pit must have been a monumental task; obviously, this is no natural cavern.
  Only the ancient Ulians could have made such a hole - and only with magical help. Narrow, low passages runs southeast and northeast. A baby dragon lies at your feet, curled up and snoozing peacefully. I'd let sleeping dragons lie if I were you.
  
  You see a single brick here.
  
  > get the rope
  You untie the rope, coil it up, and take it with you.
  
  > unlock the door with the key
  Unlocked.
  
  > go to the north
  You head for the open door, but hot clouds of steam force you back. You're not going down into that hell-pit without getting scalded.
  
  > look at door
  Beyond the door, you see a stairway that leads down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stair.
  
  > close the door
  Closed.
  
  > open the door
  Opening the steel door reveals a dragon's egg.
  
  > examine the egg
  The dragon's egg is quite large, with a fairly thick shell. Still, such eggs are rumored to be mighty good eatin'. [16]
  
  > read the cookbook
  You don't really have time to peruse the cookbook now.
  
  You're feeling a fuzz hungry. Perhaps it would be a good time to find something to eat.
  
  > Go southwest
  You are standing in a square chamber carved from the rock. The
  eastern wall of the chamber is made from what appears to be transparent glass - and through it, you can see water and what must be the muddy bottom of Lake Draounheer! Somehow, you've gotten around to the western side of the lake. Perhaps if you strain your eyes, you might make out the King's Lake View room on the other side - but no; the lake is too wide, and the waters too muddy. Identical passages run northeast, northwest, west, and south. To the north is a thick steel door, which stands open, revealing a stone staircase leading down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stairs. If you were to go down there, you'd surely be scalded. A sign hangs just above the glass wall.
  
  The steel door seems to contain a dragon's egg.
  
  > go north
  You head for the open door, but hot clouds of steam force you back. You're not going down into that hell-pit without getting scalded.
  
  You're feeling really hungry. You should find some food soon or you'll pass out from lack of nutrition.
  
  > break the egg
  You break the egg open. The shell, like most dragon eggshells, shatters to dust, and the liquid interior runs down cracks in the ground.
  
  > examine the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a bronze ring, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), a thin wand, and a lump of gold.
  
  > Egg
  single brick: Dropped.
  dragon's egg: Dropped.
  
  > Go southwest
  You are standing in a square chamber carved from the rock. The
  eastern wall of the chamber is made from what appears to be transparent glass - and through it, you can see water and what must be the muddy bottom of Lake Draounheer! Somehow, you've gotten around to the western side of the lake. Perhaps if you strain your eyes, you might make out the King's Lake View room on the other side - but no; the lake is too wide, and the waters too muddy. Identical passages run northeast, northwest, west, and south. To the north is a thick steel door, which stands open, revealing a stone staircase leading down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stairs. If you were to go down there, you'd surely be scalded. A sign hangs just above the glass wall.
  
  > Go north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a black stone, a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a shiny knife, a pillow, a single brick, and a dragon's egg here.
  
  > Go east
  You're standing in an ancient chamber inside the burial mound. High above your head, the muddy hole you dug beckons you - but there's no way to reach it. The walls of the chamber are hard-packed sod, but the floor is solid stone, good Unnkulian granite. A massive stone coffin stands in the very center of the room. The only exit from the chamber is a narrow passage sloping down to the west, vanishing into darkness.
  
  You see a spade and a trampoline here.
  
  > get the sign
  It's firmly attached to the stone wall.
  
  > get grindstone
  The grindstone is much too heavy for you to lift.
  
  > Go north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a shiny knife, a pillow,
  a single brick, a dragon's egg, and a steel key here.
  
  > eat the egg
  You crack open the egg and consume it. Bleck. Raw eggs have always made you a bit queasy.
  
  > examine the knife
  The knife's blade appears to be made from a particularly shiny sort of rubber. Tiny letters on the handle read "Acme Slysor-Dysor Ghinzoo Nyfe." [17]
  
  > go to the north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a shiny knife, a pillow,
  a single brick, and a steel key here.
  
  > Go east
  You're standing in an ancient chamber inside the burial mound. High above your head, the muddy hole you dug beckons you - but there's no way to reach it. The walls of the chamber are hard-packed sod, but the floor is solid stone, good Unnkulian granite. A massive stone coffin stands in the very center of the room. The only exit from the chamber is a narrow passage sloping down to the west, vanishing into darkness.
  
  You see a spade and a trampoline here.
  
  > Go southwest
  You are standing in a square chamber carved from the rock. The
  eastern wall of the chamber is made from what appears to be transparent glass - and through it, you can see water and what must be the muddy bottom of Lake Draounheer! Somehow, you've gotten around to the western side of the lake. Perhaps if you strain your eyes, you might make out the King's Lake View room on the other side - but no; the lake is too wide, and the waters too muddy. Identical passages run northeast, northwest, west, and south. To the north is a thick steel door, which stands open, revealing a stone staircase leading down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stairs. If you were to go down there, you'd surely be scalded. A sign hangs just above the glass wall.
  
  You see a dragon's egg here.
  
  > go east
  Draounheer. Across the sparkling blue waters, you can see the snow-covered caps of the Beeg'ashell Mountains, deep in the heart of evil Unnkulia. But here, on this side of the lake, you could truly find peace. Gentle waves lap at the shore, and reeds bend gracefully in the brisk fall breezes. To the east, a path leads back into the forest. North of here, the land slopes up sharply, and the path continues. You could also go southwest, along the shore of the lake - further along, the grassy lakeshore turns into a sandy beach.
  
  You see a rowboat here.
  
  > go outside
  You're standing on the eastern shore of Lake Draounheer. Across the sparkling blue waters, you can see the snow-covered caps of the Beeg'ashell Mountains, deep in the heart of evil Unnkulia. But here, on this side of the lake, you could truly find peace. Gentle waves lap at the shore, and reeds bend gracefully in the brisk fall breezes. To the east, a path leads back into the forest. North of here, the land slopes up sharply, and the path continues. You could also go southwest, along the shore of the lake - further along, the grassy lakeshore turns into a sandy beach.
  
  You see a rowboat here.
  
  The Valley Patrol ambles down from the north.
  
  > Go southwest
  The lakeshore here becomes a stretch of white sand, glaring in the
  fall sunshine. Further south, the land becomes rocky and too difficult to travel; a bit further on, the tip of the awesome Dawg Rock is visible. [6]  You can hear the thunderous crash of water to the south as the lake empties through the Rock. The lake stretches before you to the west. The only way to go appears to be back along the shore to the northeast.
  
  You see a trowel, a wine bottle, a pair of erasers, a jade figurine, and a corkscrew here.
  
  > get all
  trowel: Taken.
  wine bottle: Taken.
  pair of erasers: You've already got your hands full.
  jade figurine: You've already got your hands full.
  corkscrew: You've already got your hands full.
  
  > put all in the pocket
  bronze ring: The bronze ring is already in the pocket!
  soft pretzel: The soft pretzel is already in the pocket!
  brass lamp: The brass lamp is already in the pocket!
  thin wand: The thin wand is already in the pocket!
  lump of gold: The lump of gold is already in the pocket!
  robe: (Taking off the robe first)
  Done.
  
  [TADS-1001: stack overflow]
  
  > put all but the robe in the pocket
  bronze ring: The bronze ring is already in the pocket!
  soft pretzel: The soft pretzel is already in the pocket!
  brass lamp: The brass lamp is already in the pocket!
  thin wand: The thin wand is already in the pocket!
  lump of gold: The lump of gold is already in the pocket!
  pickaxe: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  gilded cage: Done.
  sword: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  brown book: Done.
  long rope: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  oar: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  black stone: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  trowel: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  wine bottle: You can't fit that in the pocket.
  
  > get all
  pair of erasers: Taken.
  jade figurine: Taken.
  corkscrew: You've already got your hands full.
  
  > look at erasers
  They're quite chalky. They could use a good clapping.
  
  > wear them
  pair of erasers: You can't wear the pair of erasers.
  
  > Go southwest
  You are standing in a square chamber carved from the rock. The
  eastern wall of the chamber is made from what appears to be transparent glass - and through it, you can see water and what must be the muddy bottom of Lake Draounheer! Somehow, you've gotten around to the western side of the lake. Perhaps if you strain your eyes, you might make out the King's Lake View room on the other side - but no; the lake is too wide, and the waters too muddy. Identical passages run northeast, northwest, west, and south. To the north is a thick steel door, which stands open, revealing a stone staircase leading down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stairs. If you were to go down there, you'd surely be scalded. A sign hangs just above the glass wall.
  
  You see a dragon's egg and a spade here.
  
  > Clap erasers
  <COUGH!> A huge cloud of chalk dust fills the air.
  
  > go west
  This chamber's walls are covered in tacky stained purple and green wooden panelling. It's not exactly what I would call peaceful, but there is a comfortable chair (upholstered in bright orange) and, on the western wall, a bookshelf. In some ways, the room is kind of like an evil twin of the King's library back in the Valley. The only exit is back to the east.
  
  A yellow paperback, a black book, and a blue book are sitting on the shelf.
  
  > DROP TROWEL, BOTTLE, ERASERS
  trowel: Dropped.
  wine bottle: Dropped.
  pair of erasers: Dropped.
  
  > go southwest
  The lakeshore here becomes a stretch of white sand, glaring in the
  fall sunshine. Further south, the land becomes rocky and too difficult to travel; a bit further on, the tip of the awesome Dawg Rock is visible. [6]  You can hear the thunderous crash of water to the south as the lake empties through the Rock. The lake stretches before you to the west. The only way to go appears to be back along the shore to the northeast.
  
  You see a corkscrew here.
  
  > go west
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a shiny knife, a pillow,
  a single brick, a steel key, a trowel, a wine bottle, and a pair of erasers here.
  
  > look at the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a bronze ring, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), a thin wand, a lump of gold, a gilded cage, and a brown book.
  
  > Go north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a shiny knife, a single brick, a steel key, a trowel, a wine bottle, and a pair of erasers here.
  
  > look at boulder
  The boulder's too far away to examine closely, but it looks like it's perched quite precariously on a faraway mountain-top.
  
  > go to the west
  You're standing at the eastern edge of a deep mountain gorge. Far below you, mist swirls over sharp rocks. You're trying desperately to keep your vertigo in check, and having some success; staying a good fifteen feet back from the edge helps a lot. Across the gorge you can just make out a slender stone tower rising from a rocky mountain-top - but of course, you can't get there from here. If only you had an Acme Brij Kreeaytor! The only obvious exit is the trail back to the east; other directions appear too rocky to travel.
  
  Surely, the fair Amanda could not have crossed this great gash in
  the earth. Perhaps your quest lies elsewhere. A gigantic eagle is circling the gorge. He's probably looking for something to eat.
  
  > look at the tower
  You can't really make out the tower from here, but it stirs memories in you that you don't quite understand. Could it be the fabled lost tower of Wowsa Willy?
  
  > Go west
  Are you crazy? You can't climb down the side of the gorge. With your fear of heights, you'd fall in a second. [3]
  
  > Rub figurine
  You rub the head of the figurine. You feel a little silly, but who knows? A little luck never hurt anyone.
  
  > Rub figurine
  You rub the head of the figurine. You feel a little silly, but who knows? A little luck never hurt anyone.
  
  > go north
  You charge into the gloomy cave mouth. From out of darkened crevices, the steel-jawed Demons of Unnkul swarm out to meet you. Even a Valley Warrior can only withstand their endless attacks for so long -
  
  > Go southwest
  You trudge up the mountains. Suddenly, a sharp pain shoots up your leg. You look down - your foot has been sliced off by steel jaws buried in the pathway! Before you bleed to death, you just have time enough to read the writing on the trap - "Acme Rhust-Pruph Stihl Trappe - Dam Dedlee!"
  
  > drop all
  robe: (Taking off the robe first)
  Dropped.
  pickaxe: Dropped.
  sword: Dropped.
  long rope: Dropped.
  oar: Dropped.
  black stone: Dropped.
  jade figurine: Dropped.
  corkscrew: Dropped.
  pillow: Dropped.
  
  > drop all but the robe
  pickaxe: Dropped.
  sword: Dropped.
  long rope: Dropped.
  oar: Dropped.
  black stone: Dropped.
  jade figurine: Dropped.
  corkscrew: Dropped.
  pillow: Dropped.
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  You have a robe (being worn) and a rowboat.
  
  > Go south
  You're on the north shore of Lake Draounheer, at the southern edge
  of the infamous Damsogee Swamp. This is unexplored territory now; you've left the safety of the Forest of Radeekal for dangerous and uncharted wilderness. Perhaps a wiser man would turn back now - but you are a Valley Warrior, and know no fear. Mist swirls at the water's edge, and reeds bend in the cold, damp breeze. Two paths lead into the swamp, one due north, the other northwest. The path is surprisingly well-traveled; small footprints lead north.
  
  You see a pickaxe, a sword, a long rope, an oar, a black stone, a
  jade figurine, a corkscrew, and a pillow here.
  
  > get all
  pickaxe: Taken.
  sword: Taken.
  long rope: Taken.
  oar: Taken.
  black stone: Taken.
  jade figurine: Taken.
  corkscrew: Taken.
  pillow: Taken.
  
  > Go northeast
  You're standing on the bank of a rushing mountain river. The bank
  is grassy and slopes gently down to the water. The swift-moving river babbles gentle murmurings, and a sweet-smelling breeze blows from the north. It's peaceful here, and quite relaxing. A trail leads back up into the Beeg'ashell Mountains to the southwest. The river is to the north, and flows down from the west.
  
  You see a rowboat here.
  
  There's a beautiful woman seated at the water's edge - could it be
  the fair Amanda? But no - Amanda is blond, while this woman's hair is auburn. Her face is narrower, and her eyes are quite different. She glances over her shoulder and smiles invitingly. "Welcome, Warrior." Her voice is musical, lilting, her accent like nothing you've ever heard before.
  
  > Go east
  You can't paddle the boat that way from here; maybe you'd better get out first.
  
  > go to the west
  You can't paddle the boat that way; maybe you'd better get out first.
  
  > DROP PICKAXE, OAR, CORKSCREW, PILLOW
  pickaxe: Dropped.
  oar: Dropped.
  corkscrew: Dropped.
  pillow: Dropped.
  
  > Sharpen sword
  Using the grindstone, you put a sharp new edge on your trusty blade.
  
  > examine the sword
  Your sword is your trusted friend. It's seen you through many a battle, and has the nicks and scars to prove it. Still, you keep it sharpened and polished. [18]
  
  > put the egg on the grindstone
  If you're trying to sharpen something, just sharpen it.
  
  > Go north
  You are standing in a square chamber carved from the rock. The
  eastern wall of the chamber is made from what appears to be transparent glass - and through it, you can see water and what must be the muddy bottom of Lake Draounheer! Somehow, you've gotten around to the western side of the lake. Perhaps if you strain your eyes, you might make out the King's Lake View room on the other side - but no; the lake is too wide, and the waters too muddy. Identical passages run northeast, northwest, west, and south. To the north is a thick steel door, which stands open, revealing a stone staircase leading down. Great clouds of hot steam billow up the stairs. If you were to go down there, you'd surely be scalded. A sign hangs just above the glass wall.
  
  You see a spade here.
  
  > go north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a single brick, a steel
  key, a trowel, a wine bottle, a pair of erasers, a pickaxe, an oar, a corkscrew, and a pillow here.
  
  > look at the pocket
  The pocket of the robe is quite tattered, and hanging by just a few threads. In the pocket you see a bronze ring, a soft pretzel, a brass lamp (providing light), a thin wand, a lump of gold, a gilded cage, and a brown book.
  
  > tie the rope to the hook
  Okay, the rope is now tied to the hook. The other end dangles down into the pit, just touching the floor. You could probably get down there now.
  
  > hit dragon with the sword
  Killing baby creatures of any kind is against the Valley Warrior's Code. If you're going to behave that way, you'd better play "Unnkulia Thirteen: Unnkul Triumphant." [19]
  
  > Note 19
  [19]: It doesn't exist, and please don't ask us about it. Can't you take a joke?
  
  > go to the north
  You're standing in a vast, mystical cavern. Stalactites shimmer in
  the pale green lamplight, and brightly-colored beds of moss catch your eye. Pale glowing mists swirl at your feet. Shadows seem to leap from dark crevices in the corner, and breezes, some cold, some hot, nip at your cheeks. Magic seems to flow from the very rocks, tingling your toes.
  
  Tunnels run north and south, and a narrow crawl climbs up to the
  east. At the west end of the cavern is a freshly whitewashed gazebo.
  
  You see a small leather pouch, a cookbook, a steel key, a trowel, a wine bottle, a pair of erasers, a pickaxe, an oar, a corkscrew, a pillow, and a thin wand here.