text: [Themes: modern, humor]
  
  This is going to be very difficult, but you'd rather risk getting addicted again than being homeless.
  
  "I'll take the job."
  "Alright then, but let's get something straight first. I'm going to be watching you CLOSE. While you say that you've kicked the anime habit, I remember when you were a little junkie, so I don't want to find out if you're stealing shit, because I will be kicking your fat ass if that's ever the case." Jake threatens.
  
  You nod and agree meekishly where upon Jake tells you go start moving and unpacking boxes.
  
  This is probably the first time you've actually had to do any "hard work" in your life. Moving the boxes is an effort for you and you have to rest several times. Jake yells and screams at you the entire time. You almost think he's going to fire you that day, but he never does. You can only assume he's really desperate for help and he must be considering he hired you.
  
  The only good thing about all this, is that you're too damn tired to even think about your anime addiction, but this is just the first day after all...
  
  When you get home, your mother is a little surprised to see you.
  
  "You've been out? I figured you were down in the basement."
  "No, I got a job. You said you were going to kick me out if I didn't."
  "YOU DID?! How much does it pay?"
  "Not much, I work at the comic shop..."
  "Oh. Well I suppose it was too much to hope for that you'd actually be able to move out one day...(Sigh) Alright, I guess you made the effort, but don't you think it's a little idiotic to work at a place like that given your addiction?"
  "Probably."
  
  Your mother just shakes her head.
  
  "Well you never were the brightest. However, considering that you're making your own money now, you can use THAT to feed your addiction if it should flare up again. And you WILL be paying me back for all that shit you bought with my stolen credit card you asshole!" your Mom says while hitting you upside the head.
  
  You head back down to your basement completely exhausted by today's labor. You don't even jack off, you just fall asleep. You MUST be tired!
  
  As the days go by you go about your job, but you start to feel the temptation. Especially when a big shipment of Japanese DVDs, graphic novels and comics arrive.
  
  You're trying hard not to look too much at the Japanese shit. REALLY hard. In fact something else is starting to get hard and you're starting to hear shit in the stock room.
  
  "Tee hee! Come on, open us up! We've never been touched yet!" a little girl voice says.
  "What the fuck?" you reply.
  "Yeah, come on Brian, what's wrong? You used to like to deflower us and run your hands ALL over us. I remember how you used to spew all your delicious spunk on our 2-Dimensional faces! Mmmm! Come back to us! We'll love being your little fuck slut in LOLI-WHORE SCHOOL! Tee hee!"
  "I was a different person, look I read different comics now. I need some variety."
  "Hey man, I'm all for variety, you remember that time you bought that ORGY OF THE CYBERNETIC TENTACLE MUTANTS anime DVD? We've got it all! You should come back to us. It's pointless to resist." a more robotic voice says.
  "Shhhhh! Shut up about that! I was uh... just wondering what the appeal was! Look I've been reading some super hero stuff, and I'm starting to like that now, so..."
  "Bah! Super heroes! You actually like those muscle bound parodies of the masculine form? I remember when you appreciated a more subtle type of hero. One who was shy, soft spoken and had a large dose of ambiguous sexuality to them. Hey if you don't like girls anymore, we got things to satisfy those urges too you know! Like SHOTA DICKGIRL ADVENTURES!" an effeminate male voice says.
  "GAH! Leave me alone!"
  "Well there's always..."
  "Don't say it!"
  
  "Come on, you can't say you never thought about it..."
  "Don't say it!"
  
  "Come on, it's completely normal. They even did a CSI episode of it..."
  "Don't you FUCKING say it!"
  
  "Furries."
  
  At this point you run out of the stock room and the comic shop screaming your head off. You don't stop running until you collapse from exhaustion which means you only get to the end of the block thanks to your poor physical condition.
  
  Fortunately some kind soul helps you.
  
  "Hey Brian, are you okay?" Patricia asks.
  
  Your eyes flutter open and you look up to see an angel of perfection. Your eyes follow her exposed legs, at this angle you can see up her dress. White panties. The color of purity.
  
  She's so pure. She's sooooo good. You take one look at her smiling face and you ejaculate in your skidmarked underwear, giving something else for your poor mom to clean.
  
  "Yeah, I'm okay...I just...I dunno. Some weird shit happened."
  "It happens. Okay let's help you up."
  
  As Patricia helps you up, you smell the scent of her hair...SMMMMMM AHH! It smells like heaven!
  
  You just want to tell her how much you like her right now. You're sure that IF you just had a girlfriend you could get over your addiction a lot quicker.
  
  Far be it from me to warn you about this course of action. But you're doing it again.
  
  You start sweating and breathing heavy. Patricia's looking at you with concern.
  
  "Are you alright? You look a little flush."
  "I just...I dunno...it addiction is really hard to break and I liked it when we used to speak and stuff. It kept my mind off things a lot better. You were so nice and understanding."
  "Awww...look I didn't know I had so much of an effect. I'll tell you what, I'll try to make some time for us to talk every once in awhile"
  
  Well fortunately for you, you weren't quite brave enough to admit your inappropriate feelings directly and she takes what you say completely out of context.
  
  "So where were you heading?" she asks.
  "Oh...uh the comic shop. I work there now."
  "You do? Well no wonder you nearly had a relapse silly!"
  "Yeah well Jake might fire me after this."
  "Nah, I'll talk to him. He's always nice to me and gives me discounts. Let's go."
  
  This probably doesn't make things easier for you since this naivety just turns you on more. You have to fight the urge to pull it out and start wackin' it as you stare at her ass the whole time you're walking back to the comic shop.
  
  Jake is about ready to yell at you, but when he sees Patricia he focuses on her instead. You quietly go back and move boxes, getting to keep your job. Once again Patricia has helped you out. This girl MUST be yours! She's everything you could ever want in a girl. She's perfection.
  
  Time passes and you continue to work at the comic shop and spend time with Patricia when you can. It's good for you. You get exercise and get to spend time with a pretty girl... who just happens to be your underage cousin.
  
  Patricia also encourages you to read more American comics which you start doing on a regular basis. Of course now this means you've got a little more to talk about with Patricia and your feelings for her are getting to a point where it's getting harder to not hide.
  
  > keep it to yourself
  This is pretty surprising. In your choice between pussy and morals you chose morals. You've really come a long way.
  
  Actually you haven't. Your fear is just overriding your hornyness level. The fear of getting locked up for statutory rape and pedophilia and getting ass raped by real criminals is too great. It's just as well; your shot at your cousin was pretty slim anyway.
  
  In the meantime you tell Patricia to get out as you're getting sleepy. You begin pushing her towards the door trying very hard not to grab her ass or tits.
  
  "Alright, alright! I'm going! Stop shoving me! Shit, what's your problem!?"
  "I got a lot on my mind alright? I won't have you hounding me with questions! Get out! Out! Out!"
  
  Your outburst makes Patricia very upset. In fact she tears up, you fucking cad.
  
  "Oh fuck you then! I was trying to help your lame ass out! I even thought that maybe... Nevermind! Don't fucking contact me anymore jerk off! (Sob!)" Patricia yells before slamming the door.
  
  With your cousin gone you feel so lost. Normally the temptation to go back to anime would be there, but instead you just feel depressed. It's sort of like the first time she stopped coming over, but a lot worse because now you know she's not coming back. Patricia was like your "girlfriend" even if she really wasn't; the illusion was enough for you.
  
  You cry in your pillows. The very pillows you used to hump and pretend they were her. You're too sad to even do that. You're totally emo right now.
  
  Why you're so emo, you might just become AN HERO.
  
  > Become AN HERO
  Well I guess we all shouldn't be surprised that it would end like this.
  
  In the traditional of overly dramatic An Heros you decide to make a suicide note first. If you still had the internet you would've really been able to take advantage of this momentous occasion, but ever since you gave up anime you lost that perk.
  
  Anyway since you don't really have any friends or even any relatives that like you, you just write about how you can't go on due to your sick obsession with Patricia and then life isn't worth living, it sucks, blah blah blah...
  
  After writing your emo faggotry, you now decide on how to kill yourself. Unfortunately your mom carries her gun on her at all times so you can't shoot yourself and you're probably too much of a fucking sissy to go out V-Tech style anyway.
  
  You try hanging, but your inept ass can't tie a proper knot. Eventually you give up.
  
  You head to the bathroom to find some pills, but your mom hasn't refilled her prescriptions lately. You just swallow what's left in the medicine cabinet, only to throw it all up five minutes later.
  
  Undeterred in your quest to pwn yourself, you grab your mom's razor blades and slit your fucking wrists open (Down the road not across the street of course) at last accomplishing something worthwhile in your miserable life.
  
  You begin to bleed out; surprisingly you don't even change your mind and try to desperately call 911. You just think about how you wasted your life in your mom's basement jerking off to anime and how if you hadn't tried to stop you probably wouldn't be in this situation now. You would've been content on living the life of a basement dweller not knowing any better. Gotta love the irony eh?
  
  Eventually you die and leave a bloody mess for your mom to clean up when she gets home. You aren't really missed, and your letter was so drenched in blood that it was illegible, so nobody really knows why you killed yourself if anybody cared in the first place.
  
  In other words you're not even amusing enough to be An Hero, you fail at life AND death!