text: [Themes: Humor, Slice of Life]
  
  > Look around
  There's not much to do here except register, if that big REGISTER sign next to the BE PREPARED sign means anything. Well, you could wait around until a scoutmaster horse collars you and makes you register.
  
  You can see Ted Banning, Fatty Potter, Mikey Mims, and Timmy Tines here.
  
  > Register
  "Inspection time!"
  The scout leader inspects your sled and gives it the thumbs-up. He explains that you will be competing against the Beastie Boys, WWF, Camel and Ninja Turtles patrols. You won't know what order your events are in 'til you get there. A scout needs to be prepared for this sort of thing.
  
  This meadow lives up to its name. You were assigned this at random, while other patrols got Trash Trail, Cluttered Creek and Junk Gully. Hope you can pick up trash.
  
  > get the Trash
  Actually, you don't need to do much more than sit and wait. No need for fancy stuff. Maybe give patrol members items they might find useful.
  
  > sit
  What do you want to sit on?
  
  > wait
  Your patrol starts combing through Litterbug Meadow. You don't dump the candy wrappers in your trash sack all at once, of course. In fact, you have Fatty split them up so everyone gets some candy wrappers. It's enough to put you over the top.
  
  A lot of trees block your way here, but apparently you should be able to slip through them to find the landmarks you need to.
  
  > Wait
  You get the feeling that with someone like Timmy, you should've done better than you did, but you left the calculator at home. But you wind up wandering, and with a wobbly compass "guided" by some metal bits you all forgot you had, you never really had a chance.
  
  In this small cabin, you see a poster with a bunch of names of knots, presumably ones you need to tie.
  
  > Wait
  There should be a lose message here, but there isn't.
  
  Bleah. There's been no snow, so there're still smashed stalks of straw that didn't get cleared for the summer harvest. But actually, that might be a break--you'd have stood no chance if it was about pushing your sled.
  
  > wait
  You're not sure what Ted did with the wheels, and you're not sure if it's legal for the competition or in general. But ot works. The wheels seem to cut through the solid ground, and the sled darned near to hydroplanes to victory. The big kids can't believe it!
  
  This is a small clearing with a circle of rocks where your nascent fire will, hopefully, go.
  
  > check what you're carrying
  You are carrying:
  a small string of knots
  a warm coat (being worn)
  your scout uniform (being worn)
  
  > Wait
  You do okay, you suppose, or you would've if you'd been allowed to use more than five matches. You have decent enough kindling, but despite blowing, all you can say is that it worked in theory.
  
  This is a small gully with various dummies and staged accidents. A scoutmaster is watching and taking notes.
  
  > examine the dummies
  Actually, you don't need to do much more than sit and wait. No need for fancy stuff. Maybe give patrol members items they might find useful.
  
  > wait for a while
  Ted had enough time to study and yell what to do. He whispers some stuff to you so it looks like you're delegating and listening equally well. Everything goes off without a hitch.
  
  This is a small clearing with a rope bridge that is pretty scary despite not being over a cavern.
  
  > wait awhile
  There should be a win message here, but there isn't.
  
  You've made it to the end of the Klondike Derby and won 3 events!
  
  Sadly, it wasn't enough to avoid the shame of being dead last. A close dead last, but dead last nonetheless. It's the sort of excuse you wanted, to get around to quitting scouting without guilt, but on the other hand, you sort of want redemption.
  
  |TRAS|ORIEN|KNOT|SLED|FIRE|1AID|LASH|TOTAL
  Beastie Boys   | 40 | 50 | 40 | 30 | 20 | 30 | 10 |220
  Camels         | 30 | 20 | 50 | 40 | 30 | 10 | 20 |200
  Ninja Turtles  | 20 | 30 | 20 | 20 | 50 | 40 | 30 |210
  WWF            | 10 | 40 | 30 | 50 | 40 | 20 | 40 |230
  Smurfs         | 50 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 50 | 50 |190
  
  > get the wheels
  Taken.
  
  > examine the soda
  It advertises the cleanliness of Blue River, wherever that is, in a blue raspberry-flavored concoction which can't be natural. You bought a six-pack a month ago, at a huge discount. You couldn't stomach this last one, but it's still shiny and polished. You look at the bottom of the can for an expiration date, and somehow, a reflection of the sunlight from the window hits you in the eyes. At least it wasn't concentrated in one place.
  
  > examine the wheels
  You got this for Christmas last year from your grandparents but never used it. It has a bunch of parts you don't understand how they fit together, and you suspect you never will.
  
  > check your inventory
  You are carrying:
  a first aid cheat sheet
  a pocket trigonometric calculator
  a bag of candy wrappers
  a techno wheels kit
  a warm coat (being worn)
  your scout uniform (being worn)
  
  > Wait
  "Inspection time!"
  "No food or drink on the trail, scouts. Especially junk food." The adult leader checking you in takes your candy!
  The scout leader inspects your sled and gives it the thumbs-up. He explains that you will be competing against the Beastie Boys, WWF, Camel and Ninja Turtles patrols. You won't know what order your events are in 'til you get there. A scout needs to be prepared for this sort of thing.
  
  Bleah. There's been no snow, so there're still smashed stalks of straw that didn't get cleared for the summer harvest. But actually, that might be a break--you'd have stood no chance if it was about pushing your sled.
  
  > give the wrappers to Potter
  "Whoah! Candy! Sucky candy but I could eat about anything right now." He can, and he does, before thoughtlessly tossing the mass of plastic on the ground. "Say! I got an idea! I--I didn't mean to do this, but
  
  > give the candy to Fatty
  it's litter now."
  
  Actually, you don't need to do much more than sit and wait. No need for fancy stuff. Maybe give patrol members items they might find useful.
  
  > wait
  "Inspection time!"
  The scout leader inspects your sled and gives it the thumbs-up. He explains that you will be competing against the Beastie Boys, WWF, Camel and Ninja Turtles patrols. You won't know what order your events are in 'til you get there. A scout needs to be prepared for this sort of thing.
  
  A lot of trees block your way here, but apparently you should be able to slip through them to find the landmarks you need to.
  
  > Inventory
  You are carrying:
  a first aid cheat sheet
  a pocket trigonometric calculator
  a techno wheels kit
  a warm coat (being worn)
  your scout uniform (being worn)