text: [Themes: Science Fiction, fan fiction, firefly, heist, humor, fanfic]
  
  The room's about as big as Serenity's dining area, and it's stacked full of boxes. The boxes make an aisle from the front of the room to the back, and on the back wall there're some heavy black curtains.
  
  "Wedding gifts?" asks Kaylee, her eyes lighting up real pretty. Thinks we don't notice how her glance goes to Simon.
  
  "Bride price," says Inara. "All this came from the groom. It's on display to show the public that the bride is being wed to someone of 'appropriate standing.'"
  
  "Come now, 'Nara, don't be prickly," says Mal. "Sounds like the bride's right sympathetic to your own line of work."
  
  [Author's Note: "Pinched" is an interactive episode of Firefly -- the one where Simon screws up (of course) and Jayne has to fill in for him at a society wedding in order to carry off a daring heist.]
  
  > About you
  As fine a specimen of manhood as ever. Though I do miss my gun.
  
  "Fact is," Simon says, "the bridal settlement has a long tradition. It was meant to insure that if a woman's husband died or divorced her, she'd still have a little independence. I always thought it was nice."
  
  Kaylee is staring at him hard, so he adds on, "...though now I think about it, it's antiquated and disrespects a woman's ability to look after herself. Lots of differences about Earth-That-Was."
  
  > check your inventory
  I've got on me :
  a ticket stub
  
  Inara ignores all the back and forth and goes to the curtain. "Might as well see the center of the collection. Jayne, I think this will open whole new worlds of art appreciation for you."
  
  She draws the curtain back, and I'm faced with the strangest painting I ever saw.
  
  > look at the painting
  It looks to be real old. Real old porn, that is. There's two ladies sitting naked in a bathtub, and one of them is reaching over and pinching the other one's nipple, all dainty like she's picking up a teacup.
  
  "...huh," Kaylee says. "That's not what I... huh."
  
  > examine the stub
  It grants access to the bridal display of this wedding-to-be. Stiff purple square of paper with a lady drawn on it, and torn halfway across.
  
  "A genuine oil painting from Earth-that-was, in this condition, of this age, is worth more than this house and every other thing in it," Inara says.
  
  > ask Inara about the painting
  I got three ways of conversin': ASK QUESTIONS, JOKE, and CAUSE A RUCKUS. That last one's my favorite.
  
  "You'll have to give me some lessons in appreciating art, Inara," says Mal. "Think there might be some significances to this piece that I'm not grasping the sense of."
  
  > Joke
  "Is it just me or is something wrong with the eyebrows on those women?"
  
  "It's from the late 16th century," Simon says. "French. It depicts the king's mistress -- see there, she's holding a ring that he gave her. Her sister is in the bath too, and the nipple pinch is to show that the mistress is pregnant."
  
  "Still seems like a strange thing to give someone when you're getting married," Kaylee comments.
  
  "Job suits me," I say. "Be happy to store that in my bunk during the ride--"
  
  Inara steps on my toe, hard.
  
  "Ai ya!"
  
  "I reckon we've admired this here bride price just about enough," says Mal. "What do you think, Inara? Time to leave the viewing?"
  
  New Reykjavik is right up to the north part of this planet, as there's not much but water round the tropics. That being the case, it's freezing cold here half the ruttin' year, and from what you can hear told, mud the other half. This here is the freezing part. This street is all snow and ice, but the buildings ain't bad.
  
  Kaylee, Mal, and Simon are along, loaded down with bags of this and that -- clothes for the wedding ball, electronics parts for the heist, groceries.
  
  "If it isn't Simon!"
  
  There's some little bit of a woman shouting from the other side of the street. Simon doesn't even look up and we all figure it must be someone else she's shouting at. But no.
  
  "Simon Tam!"
  
  She pushes her way out of the crowd on her side of the street and runs towards us. She's one good-looking girl, too, if you like 'em bundled up in a lot of furs and capes and with twinkly crap all over their boots. Simon doesn't look too delighted to see her, but the next minute she's hugging him and he kind of pats her shoulder.
  
  "Everyone, this is Lucy," he says. "She was in my year at medical school; we were partners in neuroregeneration lab. Lucy, this is--"
  
  Mal frowns at him.
  
  "--this is everyone," says Simon.
  
  > examine Lucy
  She's got long blonde hair and a narrow pointy little face. Tasty enough, though not much like either Kaylee or Inara.
  
  "I haven't seen you in so long!" Lucy's not hugging him any more, but she's still got his arm like she's fixing to take it home with her.
  
  "And I wasn't expecting to see anyone out here, either! I'm so far from home, it's ridiculous how lonely I get! And the weather! Snow 13 months of the year! Are you here for the Jonsdotter-Wilkes wedding? Please say yes. You're the only person on this planet that's going to know the same dances as me. Do you still tango?"
  
  Kaylee makes a little tiny noise I might not hear if she weren't right next to me.
  
  > examine Kaylee
  Kaylee's chin is sticking out and she's getting real busy checking out something she's got stashed in her rucksack. Or possibly she's just moving stuff around in there. Don't look like she's takin' anything out.
  
  "I-- don't know," Simon is saying. "That is, yes. Yes, I was invited. I'll be there. Sorry, it's just such a surprise to see you again, Luce."
  
  Lucy pouts. "If you followed the alumni newswaves, you'd've known I was living here now."
  
  "My mail has been very erotic lately," Simon says.
  
  > look at Simon
  He's almost got an expression on. Though I ain't sure I could put a name to it.
  
  "We'll have to catch up at the wedding," Lucy says. "I wish I could stay and trade stories now, but I'm already late--"
  
  "--there's a first." Simon's smiling for real now. Didn't know his face muscles stretched in that direction.
  
  "Don't be awful. I'll see you there. Save me one of your dippingest, most Argentine dances." She kisses his cheek and then she's gone again, and the air behind her smells like apples. Cold apples. The snow hasn't gone anywhere.
  
  > Examine mal
  He's dressed in his best suit, which makes me think he's going to burst something.
  
  "Care to explain what that was about?" Mal asks.
  
  "What, Lucy?" Simon is still grinning a little, though it's starting to fade. "She's an old friend of mine -- well, when I say friend, we kind of -- that is, we were never actually -- but I think she wanted -- if we hadn't been so busy we probably would have -- I mean I thought about --"
  
  Mal interrupts. "She gonna turn you in? What with the price on your head, and all. We didn't plan on people hereabout knowing your name."
  
  "Lucy? She wouldn't. Besides, it didn't seem like she knows about that."
  
  > ask the questions
  "Why-come you didn't see Lucy on the rutting guest list?" I demand. "You and Inara said you checked everyone that was coming."
  
  "Wouldn't mind hearing the answer to that question my own self," says Mal pointedly.
  
  "I don't-- she must have been added late," Simon says. "She wasn't on the list when we looked."
  
  > Joke
  "You and Inara got yourselves added late," I say. "Maybe Lucy's stealing the painting too."
  
  "This is just dandy," Mal says. "Someone want to explain to me how the plan is going to work now? We need me and Zoe on the pickup, and Wash and Book got to stay with the ship, whilst now it appears that Simon has to attend this party but not be of any use."
  
  Simon's jaw is working and he keeps kicking at the snow with the toe of his boot.
  
  > ask the questions
  "What about me?" I ask.
  
  Everyone turns to stare.
  
  "I could do it. Do the sneaking part better than Simon could."
  
  "We can't add you now," Simon says, annoyed. "Even if Inara could get you an invitation, you'd need your own escort. And table manners."
  
  "I'll be Jayne's escort," says Kaylee. Guess she's pulled her head out of her bag now. "Did a good enough job at that ball on Persephone, didn't I? Still got the dress, even."
  
  "Kaylee, this won't be--" Mal says, while Simon says, louder: "With Jayne?"
  
  Kaylee comes closer to me and holds my arm tight. "It's supposed to look like this, right?"
  
  This is my bunk. Not that you could tell that, from the quantity of gos-se thrown here and there. Piled up in here is every
  garment we could find on the ship that looked like it might fit me and do well enough for the wedding banquet.
  
  > look at what you're carrying with you
  I've got on me :
  a grey pair of faded underpants (being worn)
  
  > look at the garments
  Place hardly looks like mine now.
  
  Book's suitcase is on the floor, spilling out a grey pair of pinstriped pants, a grey scratchy shirt, and a white starchy shirt.
  
  I can also see a black pair of tight pants, a crimson pair of sharply creased pants, a frilly white poet shirt, and some jackets (white, trimmed crimson, and black sparkly) here.
  
  Thrown over the bed are a black silk shirt and a black cloak.
  
  > wear the crimson pants
  (first I'm gonna take the crimson pair of sharply creased pants)
  I try on the crimson pair of sharply creased pants.
  
  "Come out whenever you're done in there!" yells Zoe.
  
  "Yeah, I'm dying to admire your sartorial splendor," says Wash.
  
  > look at the frilly shirt
  Big flowy cuffs, and ruffles up the front on both sides.
  
  > examine the starchy shirt
  It's thick white cloth, very smooth. It doesn't so much wrinkle as fold.
  
  > examine the scratchy shirt
  Looks like the kind of thing the preacher would wear -- stiff cloth and a plain color.
  
  > examine the black silk shirt
  Very plain-looking cut, but the cloth is thick and sort of shiny.
  
  > wear the black silk shirt
  (first I'm gonna take the black silk shirt)
  I shrug myself into the black silk shirt.
  
  "Having a little trouble in there?" Simon shouts in. "Do you need help putting on your pants?"
  
  "Sure! Send in Inara!" I shout back.