text: [Themes: Cave crawl, Humor, cave, male protagonist]
  
  > describe your surroundings
  This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go further into the mountain to the north.
  A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on the floor. With one hand he is holding an axe almost as big as himself. In the other he is holding a wooden paddle with a small ball attached with a rubber string. He keeps hitting the ball with the paddle.
  A mangy donkey stands here.
  
  > go north
  An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is also an exit to the south.
  A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something is written on the automat next to the buttons.
  A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy, bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of fish bones.
  
  On the altar you can see:
  A sluggish fish. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. It is crawling around. It is covered in tomato sauce.
  
  > Go north
  This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
  A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner.
  
  There is a little blood here.
  
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  > Stab golem with knife
  (the golem with the knife)
  The knife makes no damage at all to the stone man.
  
  > play the sax
  The unearthly blare spewing forth from the instrument is hideous beyond comprehension. Your bones shiver from the obvious evil infusing every resonance of the soul-quenching noise and you feel like the eldritch sounds tear your mind apart and play ping-pong with your sanity. You were never a big fan of saxophone music.
  
  > Is
  A staff (with the goblin sidekick)
  A fat fish
  A knife (sharpened)
  A bottle (open)
  A healing gun
  A manual
  A severed finger (with a ring)
  A severed head top
  A nosehairscrew (in your nose)
  
  You are wearing:
  Mirrorshades
  Boxer shorts.
  
  > erase the runes
  Your attempts at erasing the runes fail, the stone is too hard. Nice try though.
  
  > point the healing gun at the golem
  (the golem)
  Nah, aiming is for wimps.
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the golem
  (the golem)
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the golem.
  
  > give the finger to the golem
  (the golem with the fat fish)
  That is not suitable as a hitting weapon.
  
  >(the golem)
  You can't give away things that are stuck on your body.
  
  > give head top to the golem
  (the golem)
  The golem does not respond to your offer.
  
  > read the page 59
  Does it have runes carved into its breast?
  Yes: read 60
  No: read 61
  
  > read the page 60
  It is a Golem; an artificial creature made of rock and magic, forced to serve out the commands carved into its chest. To destroy it, simply buy and read my previous book "How to Destroy a Golem".
  
  > read the page 61
  It is a Troll. They are extinct so don't worry about them.
  
  > Is
  A staff (with the goblin sidekick)
  A fat fish
  A knife (sharpened)
  A bottle (open)
  A healing gun
  A manual
  A severed finger (with a ring)
  A severed head top
  A nosehairscrew (in your nose)
  
  You are wearing:
  Mirrorshades
  Boxer shorts.
  
  > talk to Golem
  (the golem)
  "Who made you?" you ask, but the golem does not respond.
  
  > pour the bottle on Golem
  (the golem)
  Hold on! You have to catch a creature before you can begin preparations for eating it!
  
  > put the shades on Golem
  (the golem)
  Putting things on the golem would achieve nothing.
  
  > hit yourself with the staff
  Suddenly everything looks slightly different.
  
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east. It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
  A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
  A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some runes have been chiseled into his chest.
  
  A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end lies here. Its manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see the goblin sidekick. He is now tiny and unmoving.
  
  > hit the fish with the staff
  First taking the staff.
  Taken.
  The fat fish vanishes.
  
  The goblin sidekick appears.
  
  You notice that the fat fish is inside the orb now, tiny and unmoving.
  
  The goblin says, "Gee boss, I am kind of confused about what just happened. But I saw you had become this tiny frozen figure inside the orb. I figured I had to try and rescue you, so I touched the orb. I don't know exactly what happened then, but now here you are."
  
  > get the sax
  You already have that.
  
  "Oh no, my eyesight is back to normal!" says the goblin.
  
  > give the sax to the goblin
  (the goblin sidekick)
  You give the stone saxophone to the goblin.
  
  > Go east
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east. It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
  A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
  A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some runes have been chiseled into his chest.
  
  A fat fish crawls around here. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. Taken.
  
  This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
  A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner.
  
  There is a little blood here.
  
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  > hit the fish with the staff
  The fat fish vanishes.
  
  The goblin sidekick appears.
  
  You notice that the fat fish is inside the orb now, tiny and unmoving.
  
  > give the sax to you
  The goblin gives the stone saxophone to you.
  
  > go south
  An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is also an exit to the south.
  A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something is written on the automat next to the buttons.
  A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy, bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of fish bones.
  
  On the altar you can see:
  A sluggish fish. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. It is crawling around. It is covered in tomato sauce.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > play the sax
  The unearthly blare spewing forth from the instrument is hideous beyond comprehension. Your bones shiver from the obvious evil infusing every resonance of the soul-quenching noise and you feel like the eldritch sounds tear your mind apart and play ping-pong with your sanity. You were never a big fan of saxophone music.
  
  A blue eerie light surrounds the altar. The sluggish fish fades away. Suddenly you hear a terrible scream from the north: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The scream stops. Shortly after the altar suddenly crumbles to dust.
  
  > go north
  This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
  A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner.
  
  There is a little blood here.
  
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > go to the east
  An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
  A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty, holy grail.
  A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
  A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on. He is staring at the pink cube.
  An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a heavy-looking green book called "Strategies in Controlling the Subconscious".
  A big pile of smoking ashes lies next to her.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  "Where on earth can the cat-headed man have gone?" you think.
  
  > talk to the comedy
  (the flamingo-headed man)
  "What is the weird stage for?" you ask.
  "It's mine. It's my altar. Where my followers stand when they worship me."
  
  There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man giggles and says, "Some woman in Canada just got attacked by a woodpecker."
  
  > talk to the woman
  (the armadillo-headed woman)
  "Is it a good book?" you ask.
  The woman frowns and says: "No. Can you believe the writer overlooked the implications of the pseudo-imaginary deterioration of quasi-Jungian id complexity during non-elusive, non-reflective dreams?" She laughs joylessly.
  
  > go to the northeast
  This cave's only exit is to the southwest.
  A large wooden crank sticks out from a wall.
  A lizard as long as your arm is clutched to the wall, high above the crank, its head facing downwards. It has huge bulging eyes. It is red, orange, yellow, blue, purple, pink, brown, gray and black.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > turn the crank
  As you approach the crank, the lizard shoots a fireball downwards from its mouth. You jump back, unhurt.
  
  > read 82
  It is a Shameleon. This lizard has developed a special kind of camouflage: it will taste exactly the same as whatever surface it is lying on. The Shameleon can breathe fire. Its colorful body is easy to spot, so just stay out of its range and you'll be safe.
  
  > look
  This cave's only exit is to the southwest.
  A large wooden crank sticks out from a wall.
  A lizard as long as your arm is clutched to the wall, high above the crank, its head facing downwards. It has huge bulging eyes. It is red, orange, yellow, blue, purple, pink, brown, gray and black.
  
  You can see the goblin sidekick here.
  
  > Lick wall
  It taste awful.
  
  > Lick lizard
  The lizard is too high up.
  
  > turn the crank
  The goblin approaches the crank. The lizard shoots out a fireball. The goblin runs and hides behind you.
  
  > throw the staff at the lizard
  The staff smashes into the lizard.
  
  The lizard vanishes.
  
  The fat fish appears hovering in the air, but immediately falls down.
  
  The staff falls on the ground.
  
  You notice that the lizard is inside the orb now, tiny and unmoving.
  
  > turn the crank
  You turn the crank. The cave rumbles and part of the cave-wall slides away, revealing an exit to the northeast.
  
  > go northeast
  Commodious cave (on the west ledge)
  A wide abyss fills almost the entire floor in this cave, with only two stone ledges to stand on. Both ledges go from the south end to the north end of the cave. One ledge comes out from the west wall, the other from the east wall.
  An exit, reachable from the west ledge, leads southwest. Another exit, reachable from the east ledge, goes northeast.
  A large button sticks up from the middle of the east ledge.
  
  The goblin comes running after you.
  
  > jump
  The abyss is too wide to jump across.
  
  > jump
  A staff (with the lizard)
  A fat fish
  A saxophone
  A knife (sharpened)
  A bottle (open)
  A healing gun
  A manual
  A severed finger (with a ring)
  A severed head top
  A nosehairscrew (in your nose)
  
  You are wearing:
  Mirrorshades
  Boxer shorts.
  
  >"But boss, this abyss is too wide to jump across."
  
  > throw Manual at the button
  You throw the Creature Manual at the button. There is a click, and a narrow stone bridge shoots out from the west wall, just below the west ledge. The bridge extends until it meets the east wall, just below the east ledge.
  
  > go east
  You walk across the bridge.
  
  The goblin runs across the bridge to the east ledge.