text: > Look around
  This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
  A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy. Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also white and don't have pupils.
  Big and small pieces of the safe are spread all around this room. The safe door has embedded itself halfway into the cave wall. There are quite a lot of pieces of porcelain spread around too. Lots and lots of dead fish lie around, many with bits of the safe sticking out of them. There is some disgusting turquoise sludge covering almost everything in the room, including the ceiling. Now and then globs of it fall to the floor.
  
  > go to the southeast
  This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further into the mountain to the northwest.
  A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate, but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be reached. The statue's head is gone.
  The Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor, cursing and trying to clean himself from the turquoise sludge that covers his body. Several fragments from the safe are lying here. Quite a lot of turquoise sludge is on the floor; most of it round the northwest exit.
  
  Though you cannot see it, you know that a Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility hangs on the hook. It is supposed to turn visible (or turn invisible again) whenever you say the magic word "tango".
  
  A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end lies here. It has lots of turquoise sludge on it. Its manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see the goblin sidekick. He is now tiny and unmoving.
  
  "What happened here?" you say.
  "There was a large noise," says the Hoverist. "Then things came from the northeast. Your staff almost killed me, but I hovered out of the way, and it destroyed the head of my statue. My cave was filled with sludge."
  "Sorry about that."
  "When you reach the thirty-third stage of Hoverism you will realize there is no need for large indoor explosions."
  
  > get all
  staff: You pick up the staff and clean off the sludge, making sure you do not touch the orb.
  safe pieces: Never mind the safe pieces.
  sludge: Never mind the sludge.
  statue: The statue is too heavy for that.
  Hoverist: You start toward the Hoverist, but he hovers up, out of your reach.
  
  > talk to Hoverist
  "Could you teach me some more?" you ask.
  The Hoverist says, "Nobody can teach you what the third stage is, you must figure it out for yourself. That will take at least a few decades of constant hovering. When you have understood it, come talk to me again, and I will teach you the fourth stage: X-ray vision."
  
  > climb the statue
  That's a bit awkward with the coat hanging from the hook. Try hanging from the coat.
  
  > hang from Coat
  You grab hold of the coat. You hang there dangling.
  
  > climb
  What do you want to climb?
  
  > go to the north-west
  This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
  A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy. Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also white and don't have pupils.
  Big and small pieces of the safe are spread all around this room. The safe door has embedded itself halfway into the cave wall. There are quite a lot of pieces of porcelain spread around too. Lots and lots of dead fish lie around, many with bits of the safe sticking out of them. There is some disgusting turquoise sludge covering almost everything in the room, including the ceiling. Now and then globs of it fall to the floor.
  
  Lots of sludge drip from the ceiling.
  
  > hit goblin with the staff
  There is not much you can do to stuff that is inside the orb.
  
  Some sludge drip from the ceiling.
  
  > go to the southeast
  This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further into the mountain to the northwest.
  A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate, but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be reached. The statue's head is gone.
  The Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor, cursing and trying to clean himself from the turquoise sludge that covers his body. Several fragments from the safe are lying here. Quite a lot of turquoise sludge is on the floor; most of it round the northwest exit.
  
  Though you cannot see it, you know that a Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility hangs on the hook. It is supposed to turn visible (or turn invisible again) whenever you say the magic word "tango".
  
  > go southeast
  The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
  
  > go to the north
  This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go further into the mountain to the north.
  A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his belt.
  A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking a pipe.
  A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
  
  > Go north
  An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is also an exit to the south.
  A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something is written on the automat next to the buttons.
  A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy, bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of fish bones.
  
  On the altar you can see:
  A sluggish fish. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. It is crawling around.
  
  > read the automat
  Adventurer's Emporium's Convenient Equipment Automat: for everything an adventurer needs.
  30 gold coins     Wheelbarrow
  35 gold coins     Umbrella
  35 gold coins     Roller skates
  35 gold coins     Pogo stick
  35 gold coins     Giant rubber band
  40 gold coins     Spell of summoning: Aardvark
  40 gold coins     Spell of metamorphosis: Chicken
  40 gold coins     Lie detector pants
  40 gold coins     Magical bag of unlimited water balloons
  50 gold coins     Spell of summoning: Lawyer
  50 gold coins     Spell of metamorphosis: Giant Sloth
  50 gold coins     King-size box of assorted fireworks
  50 gold coins     Horse
  100 gold coins     Platoon of miniature zombies
  500 gold coins     Necronomicon
  
  > Go north
  You try, but the bright light is too strong. It hurts your eyes.
  
  > wear the shades
  You put on the pair of mirrorshades.
  
  > Go north
  This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
  A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted in it, hilt up.
  
  A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
  
  > Go east
  An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
  A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty, holy grail.
  A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
  A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on. He is staring at the pink cube.
  An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a slim gray book called "Schrodinger's Goldfish: Confirmation of Negative Time".
  A cat-headed man sits next to her on a throne draped in black leather, with numerous spikes sticking out of it. He is tall, fat and dressed in a black leather jacket, black jeans and black leather boots.
  
  > give the fish to cat
  (the cat-headed man)
  "Don't you know the proper way of sacrificing something to a god?"
  
  > Go west
  An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east. It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
  A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
  A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some runes have been chiseled into his chest.
  
  You can see a stone saxophone here.
  
  > Is
  A staff (with the goblin sidekick)
  A fat fish
  A bottle (closed)
  A healing gun
  A nosehairscrew
  A manual
  
  You are wearing:
  Mirrorshades
  A ring
  Boxer shorts.
  
  > put the fish in the oven
  Never mind the stone oven.
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the golem
  (the golem)
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the golem. Suddenly it seems a little less run-down.
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the old troll
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the old troll. "Ur," he says. He touches himself under the left armpit. "The stalactite that grew on me! It is gone!"
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the tall troll
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the tall troll. "Ur," he says. He touches the top of his head. "The volcano growing on my head! It is gone!"
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the short troll
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the short troll. "Ur," he says. He lifts his foot and studies it. "The crystals forming between my toes! They are gone!"
  
  > shoot the healing gun at short troll
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the short troll. "Ur," he says.
  
  > shoot the healing gun at the fish
  You pull the trigger. A white ray shoots out of the gun and hits the fish. It wiggles happily.