text: [Themes: Fantasy, magic, silly, wordplay]
  
  > describe your surroundings
  The broad board has some scrawlings you haven't read yet.
  
  Old Man Almond, the gateman, is grousing around here.
  
  You see an incomplete-looking dollhouse with a crackling noise coming from a few loud holes. It is labeled FOR INSTRUCTIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.
  
  The acne-bit cabinet is still floating here. It contains the tinfoil info-lit, the idlers' slider and the salient saltine.
  
  A gateway is here. You can see through its sturdy wire fencing, but it doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
  
  > take the slider
  Ouch! The cabinet door slams on you--it seems to have developed fangs that came from a hidden compartment. Maybe you only get one device. (Note: you can SWAP the gadget and slider.)
  
  > Swap gadget
  You put the gadget back in the cabinet and take the slider.
  
  > look at the slider
  It's like an electronic t-square, with nine mini-panels. Reading it, you see it's useful to SCAN things to sort out their edges. It crackles with greeny energy and has some colored writing that looks important.
  
  > look at the writing
  "Provably 79.12% hintier than a tagged gadget. Green print
  gives you the start, red print the end. The middle bits fall
  into place."
  
  The example reads PASTE <-> TAPES.
  (red S, green T, green P, red E. Everything else blue.)
  
  > look
  The broad board has some scrawlings you haven't read yet.
  
  Old Man Almond, the gateman, is grousing around here.
  
  You see an incomplete-looking dollhouse with a crackling noise coming from a few loud holes. It is labeled FOR INSTRUCTIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.
  
  The acne-bit cabinet is still floating here. It contains the tagged gadget, the tinfoil info-lit and the salient saltine.
  
  A gateway is here. You can see through its sturdy wire fencing, but it doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
  
  > read the board
  WANTED:
  
  --selfless soul willing to turn self into humiliating identification to aid adventurers in rescuing our fair land. Must have strength or magic touch to raise big metal gate. Benefits include unlimited complaining to rescuer/prospective hero.
  
  --fellow named Terry to allow quick way for temporarily stuck adventurers to RETRY and return to Trips Strip. (you haven't been there yet, so it probably doesn't do anything.)
  
  --quester request: text adventurer with savoir-savior to save world from economic and moral malaise. High chance of real fun, low chance of funeral.
  Canny Nancy or Brian Brain preferred to Manly Lyman or Army Mary. Scrabble, MasterMind, and/or Boggle expertise a plus. Training with two simple 7-letter portmanteaux provided. No crudities like diuretics needed!
  WARNING: Must qualify with simple on-the-game...oh, wait, never
  mind, you're already here. Hi there! Hey, that cabinet's useful, and that dollhouse's a sample puzzle.
  
  !!!!LIMITED TIME TEXT ADVENTURING SEASON OFFER FOR THE BUSY TEXT ADVENTURER: ONLY SOLVE 2 OF 3 AFFLICTED AREAS TO EARN ACCESS TO YOUR ROMAN MANOR!!!! (You record the information in your dope tan
  notepad under board.)
  
  > examine the dollhouse
  You hear static hissing through some loud holes. Plus, the dollhouse isn't nearly as tall as it could be. It could use an extra floor or two.
  
  > scan the dollhouse
  Before your slider gets close, you begin to pick something up. Perhaps it isn't the dollhouse you need to do something with. Something ambient--like the static. So you do that.
  
  Most of the screen goes blue, then a green dot and red dot bounce left and right across the slider screen, and they eventually wind up like so:
  RBGBBB
  
  > Attics
  The static cuts off and seems to grow opaque. Then it forms into a small box with a cupola, pyramid, and other shapes. They fit with a click on top of the dollhouse. Old Man Almond golf-claps. "Good work. Actually, the attics are a lot tougher to figure out than the gateway, especially with that tool you have."
  
  > Consult pad
  Currently you can consult it about:
  --notepad, lecture, board
  
  > consult PAD about the lecture
  An hour-long pre-lunch lecture by some fellow named Curt Lee netted you three pages of doodles. You remember him saying how ONE WORD could open a NEW DOOR in this age of technological innovation if you picked the right one, and that's more magic than real magic, if real magic existed, which it doesn't.
  
  Well, lunch was nice.
  
  > swap the saltine
  Not worth swapping.
  
  > examine saltine
  It says SLAINTE on the package.
  
  > look at the info-lit
  It's tinfoil only in writing content--it's actually just paper. It's excessively all-caps and underlined, but I'll spare you that.
  
  Reason So Near from Sane Sean, Farce Facer and Saltier Realist:
  --If you can change stuff, why can't the people who made the gadget and slider? Or why couldn't they find someone off the street? Perhaps they're the real enemy and you're the pawn.
  --If they really wanted you to clean things up, why can't you take both the cabinet items?
  --That NEW DOOR is not really ONE WORD. Same as the guy who can lift it! They are two short words, easier than one big scary seven-letter word.
  --Anyone smart enough to untangle this world won't get any fulfillment from doing so. So there, stupider disputer!
  
  It'd all be distressingly persuasive gotcha-logic if you hadn't been able to flip that toga. But this is a fantasy world, and you've already shown cracks in his logic.
  
  > look in cabinet
  It's open. The cratered bits, once retraced, spell CAN BITE. You see a tagged gadget, a tinfoil info-lit and a salient saltine inside.
  
  > take the saltine
  Got it. You'd have liked a beefier freebie, but with calm opining, you see no use complaining.
  
  > take info-lit
  Taken.
  
  > check your inventory
  Item time! You are carrying:
  a tinfoil info-lit
  a salient saltine
  an idlers' slider
  a dope tan notepad