text: > Look around
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  This is great, boss! There are cows and pigs and ducks and sheep and more cows, and all of them are rushing towards me. Wow, it's a stampede! Oh, hey, maybe I shouldn't be just stand---- ack!
  
  > go to the southwest
  Big Street, North End
  This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers--- you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.
  
  I can go west deeper into the city if you want me to get harrassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast, and Big Street continues to the south.
  
  The two halves of a broken black cord hang down from the guard tower and the bank.
  To the the northeast, I hear a cow cry out, "Augh, it's the Farmer! The Farmer is coming! It's the Farmer! Oh no oh no oh no oh no run run run run run runrunrunrunrun!"
  
  > go to the south
  Big Street, Center
  Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
  
  Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
  
  There's a deafening combination of mooing and bleating from the north.
  
  > Go south
  Big Street, South End
  Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring, but the financial district is farther north, and the castle is to the south.
  
  I can see a beggar here.
  
  There's a deafening combination of mooing and bleating from the north.
  
  "Aieeee! My ears!" cries the beggar, although I can barely hear him over the chaos.
  
  > take strange
  Yeah, try to hear me through the stampede. Yoink!
  
  Taken.
  
  Augh! It's a cow quake! Cows and dogs and pigs and chickens and at least one wildebeest charge in from the north, screaming and bleating.
  
  "Help! We're running!"
  
  "Whee! We're running!"
  
  "I'm going to get stepped on!"
  
  "Panic! Panic panic panic!"
  
  "Freedom! Panic! Freedom!"
  
  This is a breathtaking, mouth-watering sight, boss, but it might be a bit dangerous to hang around a horde of stampeding animals.
  
  > Go south
  The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's sealed up while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors. There's a window above me leading to the room your body is in. There's farmland to the west, and Big Street is north.
  
  My hanging-out tree is here.
  
  The stampede charges in from the south.
  
  > examine strange
  It looks like it's made of gold and silver swirled together. One face shows some distinguished-looking older woman, and the other shows a lighthouse.
  
  > eat strange
  Ha ha, funny. I know you think I eat everything, but there are limits.
  
  I am kind of hungry, though. Let me know if you see any real food.
  
  > Wave rod
  Nothing happens. I think Mel said something about having to destroy the last bait first. Conservation of energy, or something.
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a strange coin
  an earthworm
  a faery coin
  a florin
  a torn bit of wool
  a vellum page
  some farming tools
  a fish
  a fishing rod
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a magic wand
  the mind of a foolish wizard
  
  > eat the earthworm
  Chomp. Very tasty.
  
  > go east
  Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place. We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your
  bacon.
  
  The exit to the street is to the west, and there's another, smaller area of the shop to the southeast. Now there's also a trapdoor leading down.
  
  Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.
  
  Mel's at the counter.
  
  I can also see a red balloon, a leather pouch (which is open), a cedar box (which is open), a wanted poster, a piece of yellow paper, a piece of green paper, a piece of violet paper, a piece of red paper, and a pile of assorted trinkets here.
  
  > show strange to Mel
  Mel examines the coin. "Where did you get a twenty septiva coin? Septivar was conquered and destroyed three hundred years ago."
  
  "Well, I went and looked through my shiny object collection, and I didn't recognize this, so I figured it was probably valuable. Er, is it?"
  
  "Oh yes, definitely. Here." Mel takes out a ledger from underneath the counter and carefully makes a note in it. "All right, that's certainly worth another ingredient."
  
  > examine torn
  Which do you mean, the torn bit of wool or the torn page?
  
  > look at the torn page
  It's a torn page from a book.
  
  > read the vellum
  In familiar handwriting, the text of the page reads:
  
  Dear Guards,
  
  Please return the machine you confiscated from the king's wizard, who is very powerful and very good at magic except for that one time with the pancakes, which was a reasonable accident that could happen to anyone. Also, I am stupid and I smell bad and my mother is a platypus.
  
  The signature on this letter is somewhat unusual.
  
  > examine the signature
  A poorly-executed forgery of the treasurer's signature. I suspect his name is not actually "The Treasurer." I also suspect he knows how to spell "treasurer." I wish your Spelling Wasp had caught on, boss. That one should have made us millionaires. Anaphylactic shock is a small price to pay for proper spelling.
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a faery coin
  a florin
  a torn bit of wool
  a vellum page
  some farming tools
  a fish
  a fishing rod
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a magic wand
  the mind of an annoying wizard
  
  > examine the clear fluid
  The bottle is filled with a colourless fluid. It's labelled, "Problem Solvent: Misspelled a word? Problem Solve-it with Problem Solvent!"
  
  > pour clear fluid on the signature
  Okay, let me sprinkle a few drops on it. Wow, the signature completely disappeared, and without the paper catching fire or turning into a swarm of angry bees or worse.
  
  > examine vellum
  An inexpert forgery on vellum, crumpled up a bit. It's unsigned.
  
  > Go northeast
  This is the floor of the stock market, and it's full of animals. There's hooting and honking and barking and mooing. I'm getting hungry just looking at their pen. From here, I can go south to the bank or southwest to Big Street.
  
  Some merchants crowd around an auctioneer, doing whatever it is that humans do.
  
  I can also see a coffer (which is open) and an auction block here.
  
  The auctioneer fishes around in the coffer, pulls out a stock, and puts it on the auction block.
  
  "Next up is Majestic Lynx Acquisitions," he says. "Any bids?"
  
  > examine the tower
  It's an oppressive stone building. I always feel like I'm going to fly into it even when I'm nowhere near it. It's only two stories high. I'm confident that in later years, art critics will point to this building as the quintessential Thuggist structure.
  
  > enter the tower
  The entrance is farther to the west.
  
  > Go north
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a vase (which contains an egg) and a young guardsman here.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > show vellum to guard
  The guard reluctantly stirs. The guard reluctantly stirs. "This form isn't signed. It's not valid." Glaring at me, he tears up the form and goes back to sleep.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Up
  This must be where the guards sleep. There are a bunch of cots here. A tired guardsman is sitting before a pile of paperwork, with an inkpad and wastebasket next to him. There's a staircase leading down to the main part of the guardhouse.
  
  I can see some cots (on top of which is a coarse blanket) here.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  > put the vellum on the stack
  Okay, I've put the vellum page on the pile of paperwork.
  
  > wait a while
  All right. Boss, I hate to rush you, but at some point the treasurer is going to figure out where the king wandered off to.
  
  The sleepy guardsman picks up the vellum page and looks at it blearily. "Heh, platypus." The guard dutifully stamps the page and sets it aside.
  
  > take vellum
  Taken.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  > examine the vellum
  A slightly better forgery on vellum, crumpled up a bit. It's stamped with the treasurer's signature.
  
  > Down
  The inside of the watchtower is even more oppressive than the outside. It's still a dark stone building, but now there's the smell of guard everywhere. I think bathing is illegal if you want to keep your job on the watch.
  
  In addition to the stench, there's an evidence cabinet and a spiral staircase leading upwards. The street and fresh air are to the south.
  
  There's a wastebasket in the corner.
  
  A large (as in, about my size) bronze bell is on the wall, tied to a cord going out the window.
  
  I can also see a vase (which contains an egg) and a young guardsman here.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > show the vellum to guard
  The guard reluctantly stirs. He scans the form. "Oh, you belong to the crazy wizard. That explains so much. Well, I suppose this looks legit." He fishes out his key, opens the cabinet, and drags out a metal device from it. After carefully relocking the cabinet while watching me suspiciously, he goes back to sleep.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > look at device
  I have no idea what this is, boss. It's a metal box with red, blue, and green buttons on its side and a narrow slot beneath them. There's a tray, also made of metal, mounted on the top. The machine looks great--- the metal is wonderfully shiny--- but there aren't any convenient labels or instructions. I don't think this is something you designed. Hey, maybe that means it'll work!
  
  Er, sorry, boss. That came out wrong.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > Open device
  That's not something I can open.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Up
  This must be where the guards sleep. There are a bunch of cots here. A tired guardsman is sitting before a pile of paperwork, with an inkpad and wastebasket next to him. There's a staircase leading down to the main part of the guardhouse.
  
  I can see some cots (on top of which is a coarse blanket) here.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  > enter the stack
  That's not something I can enter.
  
  The sleepy guardsman takes the top page off the stack, gives it a cursory glance, stamps it, and sets it aside.
  
  > examine the tray
  There's a metal tray mounted on top of the strange device.
  
  Ack! Can't...resist....must eat egg! Shoot! I still can't get my beak in there!
  
  > examine the pamphlet
  "Thank you muchly for buyinged Super Wonderful Very Legal Money Device! For happy money time, please three of etherial fraction to take inside Device:
  - A wool (of clothing or not)
  - A blue of dye (inside bottle is happy-good also)
  - A egg (after breaked, is it acceptable? Very no!)
  The blue of button is for to transport fraction from platform to inside the Device. The red of button is for to unmake transportation by eversion. The green of button is for to Device initiation money protocols. Let's money together in every day!
  
  Neither this company nor its subsidiaries assume any liability for misuse of this Device for anything other than its recommended novelty purposes."
  
  Oh, that's right, this is that counterfeiting machine you sent away for a while ago. I'm surprised you had so many problems with it; it sounds reliable enough.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > Inventory
  In my bag of holding, I have:
  a vellum page
  a faery coin
  a florin
  a torn bit of wool
  some farming tools
  a fish
  a fishing rod
  a bottle of clear fluid
  a bottle of blue dye
  a torn page
  a spell book
  a magic wand
  the mind of a mediocre wizard
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > put wool on the tray
  The torn bit of wool is now inside the metal tray.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > press blue
  (the bottle of blue dye)
  Okay. Ngrrghnhgh! ...Nothing obvious happens.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > press the blue button
  The top of the machine opens up as the tray splits apart into several pieces and dumps its contents into the interior of the machine. It then folds itself up again into a seamless box. Wow, boss. This thing is amazing. Are you getting all this? You need to make something like this.
  
  The machine beeps, and a tinny voice issues from it. "Bip bip! Wool reception!" The talking creeps me out.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > put the blue dye on the tray
  The bottle of blue dye is now inside the metal tray.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > put the egg on the tray
  I can't do that without holding it.
  
  Time for a delicious eggy snack! ...Oh crud. I still can't get to the egg at the bottom of the vase.
  
  > put the vase on the tray
  I can't do that without holding it.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > put the vase on the tray
  The vase is now inside the metal tray.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > press the blue button
  The top of the machine opens up as the tray splits apart into several pieces and dumps its contents into the interior of the machine. It then folds itself up again into a seamless box.
  
  The machine beeps. "Bip! Bad reception causes very sadness." The top of the machine unfolds as it spits out the vase, then reassembles itself in a complicated way that gives me a headache just thinking about it.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.
  
  > eat the fish
  Done! Not bad.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > break vase
  Ploink! The vase cracks apart, and the shards of glass
  disappear.
  
  Wait, did I say there was an egg? Sorry, that was just a trick of the light. There was no mouth-wateringly delicious egg with the exact amount of staleness for perfect burp flavoring.
  
  > take Device
  Taken. Urgh, this thing weights a ton.
  
  The egg is calling to me...
  
  > go south
  Huff puff puff. My load is too heavy to fly, or even hop,
  boss.
  
  If I can just get my beak a bit further in to the vase...Caw! No, the egg is too far down.
  
  > drop Device
  Dropped.
  
  Hey, egg. Get out of that vase and get into my break. Arrgh, I can't reach. Come on, egg, just crawl up here so I can eat you.