text: [Themes: fantasy, puzzle, humor, historical, fantasy]
  
  "Merlin! Hey, Merlin! Get your ass over here!" an archeologist named Dave calls to you from across the worksite.
  
  Dave hired you to do lighting for the archeological uncovering of the home of Merlin the Magician, but you are pretty sure he only hired you because your name matches that of the previous homeowner. Since you first started he has been complaining about everything you do.
  
  "Good morning mate," you respond turning to face the short, balding man wearing a scowl. "Something I can help with?"
  
  "Yeah, there is actually. You know how I told you to keep things lit and not leave anything laying around?"
  
  "Sure, I have been doing a bloody good job of that over here too."
  
  "Oh, well, that's good because on the other side of the worksite you are doing the opposite of what I asked you to do."
  
  "Over there? You mean the corner of the site no one is working in?"
  
  "Yes, that would be the one."
  
  "Dave, I haven't been over there yet; that's why it's dark!"
  
  "You haven't been over there?"
  
  "No, not yet. I am only lighting this area, running the wires above the site, and cleaning up all of my tools as I go, just like you asked."
  
  "And all of your tools and wires are labeled, right?"
  
  "Yeah, every one of them," you say, pulling a spool of wire out of your pocket. You show Dave a label across the back that reads 'Merlin Ambrosius'.
  
  A devilish smile spreads across Dave's face. He holds out his hand to reveal a battered, rusty spool with a matching label on the back and asks, "What does this say, Merlin?"
  
  "That is not mine, Dave."
  
  "It has your name on it!"
  
  "It also looks like it has been here for a thousand years! If this is your idea of a joke, it isn't funny."
  
  Dave looks like he is about to explode with anger when another archeologist runs up to him. The two of them whisper back and forth a few times; Dave seems to get angrier with every word either of them utter. Eventually, the second man hands something to Dave and runs off. Dave looks at the object given to him and scowls.
  
  "Come here, Merlin," he demands, without looking at you.
  
  You take a few steps forward and look at what he is holding: in his hands are a pair of rusty pliers with a label that reads 'Merlin Ambrosius'. Your jaw drops and you stammer, "I...I don't know where those came from; they can't be mine."
  
  "I don't care about your excuses, just go over there and make sure we don't find anything else that belongs to you!"
  
  With that, he storms off and blends in with the dozens of archeologists digging through the Paimpont Forest floor in the dimming sunlight. The floodlights are already on so that they can see anything unearthed under the dense canopy. Nothing too exciting has been unearthed, but a cottage in the Broceliande--the legendary enchanted forest near Camelot--has to belong to the famous Merlin the Magician, according to these experts.
  
  Grumbling to yourself, you carefully make your way across the large zone marked with wooden stakes. When it gets too dark to continue, you pull a flashlight from your bag and charge it with the attached hand-generator; traditional battery-powered flashlights have a bad habit of dying on you when you need them most. Light illuminates the forest floor once you're done cranking and you continue to the far end of the worksite.
  
  In the back corner, along the edge of a large clearing, you find a shallow hole with more of your tools in it. Each one is rusty and broken, but the label with your name is visible. You pull out several items that look like broken replicas of the tools you currently are carrying: a stun gun, several rechargeable batteries, pliers, insulated and non-insulated wire, and even a hand charged flashlight are recovered from the hole, amidst a few other tools and supplies. Removing them reveals a taut wire in the bottom of the hole that looks like it is connected to something.
  
  You grab the wire since it couldn't possibly be connected to a power source in the middle of the forest. Dave requires you to hang wires on stands or low tree branches to not contaminate the worksite so none were buried by you. Sparks fly when your hand touches the loose wire and electricity flows through your entire body, making it feel numb. After the shock, you pass out facedown in the dirt.
  
  > wake Up
  Throbbing, your head is throbbing as you open your eyes. Everything is dark and quiet; Dave and his crew must have gone home and left you in the dirt, you think. They aren't exactly the friendliest people you have ever worked with; however, this was low, even for them. "You could of at least have left the lights on," you grumble to yourself. Sitting up is difficult, but you force yourself to do it and look around anyway.
  
  It is too dark to see the tip of your nose until you click your flashlight back on. The beam cuts through the night and reveals a much more overgrown forest than you remember. There are no paths, lights, wooden stakes, or tools like there were when you passed out. Everything looks like it did before the excavation started, except the trees are not trimmed.
  
  "There it is again! The strange lights!" someone says from behind you. Hastening to turn off the flashlight, you turn to face the voice.
  
  "I did not see anything, Sir Galeran," a second knight replies. He is carrying a torch and wearing chainmail with a sheathed sword on his hip. Terror spreads across his face as he strokes his long brown beard. The first knight is wielding his sword and a large heater shield walking in your direction, a serious, determined look in his dark eyes.
  
  "Sir Huon, have I ever led you astray?"
  
  "No, but we are walking through the Broceliande at night; you are asking for a confrontation with the sorcerer that plagues this forest."
  
  You stare at the odd pair for a moment in silence. Their armor looks real--nothing like the paperclip replicas the kids that are into LARPing make--and they move in it easily despite the weight. Sir Galeran's sword is also the real deal; it is sharpened to a point on both sides and gives no impression of being a toy. All their gear has a crest marked on it, something that looks like it is out of a storybook about Camelot you read as a child. They slowly approach you.
  
  "Uther's orders were clear, Huon: we are to investigate the source of the light and return only after we make every attempt to identify what caused it."
  
  "It is good to hear that you are still loyal to a fault, Galeran."
  
  Breathing quietly becomes difficult as you start to realize something isn't right. Why are these knights here? Who are they? What happened to me? These questions and more swirl in your head, making you dizzy. Your hyperventilation draws the attention of the two knights, who turn and peer directly at you.
  
  "What was that?" Huon whispers frantically.
  
  "I don't know, I can't see anything in this darkness, but be ready and stay close," Galeran answers.
  
  Huon draws his sword, and the two knights head straight towards you. The glow from their torch flickers menacingly, searching for you in the darkness of the forest floor. Their cautious steps give you time; however, they are probably close enough to hear you if you try to run.
  
  If these two are real knights, letting them find you might be a bad idea. If they are assuming it is a sorcerer producing the light you might be able to fool them. You already have your flashlight in one hand and a small stun gun you typically carry in your bag in the other. You take a deep breath and make up your mind on what to do.
  
  > use the stun gun to incapacitate them.
  Waiting until the knights are close, you step out from behind a tree and click on the stun gun. Huon is closer, so you jam the stun gun into his side; he stiffens and drops his torch and sword, making the arc of electricity shocking him the only light source as the torch self extinguishes. Sir Galeran holds up his shield and crouches like he expects to be hit head-on with a fireball while Huon collapses on the ground
  
  "Who dares enter my forest?" you yell, clicking on the flashlight to disorient Galeran.
  
  "We are knights of Camelot, we mean you no harm, mighty sorcerer," Sir Galeran says.
  
  "Then take your friend back to Camelot, before I decide to kill you both, Sir Galeran."
  
  "How... how did you know my name?"
  
  "I know many things, but you are trying my patience." You click on the stun gun again to make electricity arc between the two diodes; Galeran looks at the controlled thunderstorm you are holding, throws Huon over his shoulder, and runs as if under the impression that you could shoot lightning from your hands.
  
  When the knights disappear into the darkness of the woods, you sigh and sit on a fallen log. Strange days were an occupational hazard for you, but today was the worst by far; focusing on what you can do to improve the situation is the only distraction you have thought. You need to find a place to eat, sleep, and not be killed if more knights showed up.
  
  Fortunately, sweeping the flashlight in a quick circle reveals that there is a cottage in a clearing nearby. Approaching the quaint cobblestone cottage, you look up at the straw roof and single chimney that rises in the back of the otherwise circular building with a wooden door and a small round window on one side. There is even a well on the other end of the clearing. Hesitantly you step inside the open door, knowing you do not own the place.
  
  Inside there is one room with modest furnishings: a straw mattress curved along the wall opposite the window, a wooden table and chair are set beneath the window, and the fireplace is across from the door. Other than the furniture there are logs in the fireplace, sacks of flour and other common food staples, and a barrel with three swords and a small anvil inside. Everything looks as if someone is living in the cottage, but no one is there.
  
  Feeling the exhaustion from the long day you light the fireplace with a small lighter from your bag, sit on the bed, and wonder where the cottage's owner could be. Many other questions swirl around in your mind, making you tired. You drift to sleep before long; however, your slumber is not restful as your mind continues to try to analyze what has happened, leaving you with haunting nightmares about Dave hiring LARPers to kill you.
  
  Waking in a cold sweat, you sit up as someone pounds on the door. "Please open the door in the name of King Uther of Camelot!" a vaguely familiar voice calls.
  
  "Who is there?" you ask nervously.
  
  "I am Sir Galeran, a knight of Camelot, we have come here seeking the sorcerer residing in the Broceliande by order of the king."
  
  "What does the king want with me?" you say, jumping gout of bed and readying your stun gun.
  
  "It is him, we should flee while we can," a second voice you recognize as Huon's says.
  
  "The king's orders were clear, Huon," Galeran responds.
  
  "The last time you said that the sorcerer struck me with lightning!"
  
  "What did the king send you here for?" you interrupt.
  
  "Of course, we were sent to find you; King Uther recognizes your unique talents and wants your help!" Galeran says.
  
  "He wants my help?"
  
  "Yes, Camelot faces several plights. If you could help us with just one of them, we could surely reward you for your troubles."
  
  "What if I refuse?"
  
  There is a long pause before Galeran answers. "Should you turn your back on the king's request, he will assume you are a danger to Camelot. We would rather rely on you as an ally."
  
  "May I ask what plights Uther needed my help with?" you ask.
  
  "Camelot has grown under King Uther's rules, but the growth gave rise to famine and disease. If we do not have an exceptional harvest this year, people will starve; of course, letting the plague go unchecked will be just as devastating..."
  
  > tell you more about the famine
  "Tell me more about the famine," you say, opening the door to face the knights. Magically curing diseases does not seem like something an electrician can do; admittedly, feeding the masses is not your favorite miracle, but you have to try one.
  
  "There is no famine, yet, but our fields can not support the population if we continue to grow at this rate," Huon responds.
  
  "We can take you to the fields. King Uther wants to know if our harvest could be increased with your magic," Galeran adds.
  
  Without delay, the pair of knights lead you through the woods towards Camelot. After walking for several minutes, the trees give way to a large field with a majestic stone castle standing at the center surrounded by two cobblestone walls and a small city. The outer wall surrounds the city, and farmland stretches out from the wall to the woods. Half of each field is planted while half remains fallow.
  
  "What is planted here?" you ask.
  
  "Our main crops are wheat and oats in the two larger fields, but we also grow rye and beans from time to time in the smaller fields," Huon says. "We use a two-field system, so the soil can rest in the fallow field to recover for the next year."
  
  "Can your magic help us increase our harvest?" Galeran asks.
  
  "I guess you could use a three-field system..." you say.
  
  "What is a three-field system?" Huon asks.
  
  "It's a... err... magic planting system where you can leave one-third of the field fallow, rather than half."
  
  "Fascinating! How does it work?"
  
  "Simple, you plant two different crops in the other two-thirds of the field and rotate them like you have been."
  
  "Why two different crops?"
  
  "Because the different crops take different nutri--I mean... that is how the magic works."
  
  "Well, what crops need to be planted in each field?"
  
  > say "First, plant wheat."
  "And?" Huon asks, prodding you to continue.
  
  > say "Second, plant wheat."
  "That's all? We can certainly do that!" Huon says. "That alone will solve our problems! With more of the field planted, we will be able to feed everyone."
  
  "There's one more thing that you need to do," you respond. "Your fields will not sustain the crops unless you complete the magic ritual."
  
  "Magic ritual?" Galeran repeats.
  
  "Just something to ensure that the magical planting doesn't wear off and make the soil barren."
  
  "What sort of ritual must we do?"
  
  > Must have beautiful young maidens ride cows in the fallow field
  "You must find several beautiful young maidens and make them ride cows in the fallow fields; this will start after you plant and continue until the harvest," you say.
  
  "Maidens riding cows in a fallow field?" Galeran says as he scratches his chin. "How exactly will that make the fields produce?"
  
  "Well, the cows will fertilize the field, and the girls are just eye-candy--I mean... Are you questioning my magic? Do you want my spell to work or not?"
  
  "Fertilize? Eye what? Err, never mind, we can talk to the king and see what we can do..."
  
  With that, Huon and Galeran scamper back to Camelot to inform the king of your assessment of the field. They mutter to each other as they walk away; all you can hear are the words "dinner," "eye-candy," and "three-field." You can't be sure how they feel about your advice, but Huon seems excited about it. All that remains for you to do is go home and wait.
  
  Back at the cottage, you make yourself at home. Whoever owns the place still has yet to show up, so you figure you can claim it; there isn't much to do, though. You fetch water, start a fire, and try to figure out how people took a bath in medieval times.
  
  After that, you gather some of the supplies and attempt to make dinner. Fortunately, the cottage doesn't burn down; however, your efforts do not produce anything edible. Newfound appreciation for pre-made loaves of bread doesn't fill your stomach as a knock on your door causes you to jump.
  
  "Who is there?" you ask nervously, hoping the owner of the cottage wasn't back and angry.
  
  "It is I, Huon," the knight says, to your relief.
  
  You open the door and reply, "Huon, have you come to tell me that King Uther accepts my proposal?"
  
  "Yes! That is correct, of course, I wouldn't expect anything else from a sorcerer as powerful as you."
  
  "Great! I will make sure the fields produce as long as your most beautiful maidens are in the field every day."
  
  "Thank you, Merlin! I also have a gift for you from The King." Huon steps aside as two other knights carry in a cooked boar on a roasting spit.
  
  "Oh, how generous of him!" You eye the boar excitedly, confident you will not starve for at least a few days with that.
  
  "It is nothing compared to the help you have given us! We already have plans to plant the fields, and the maidens will start riding through the fallow fields tomorrow."
  
  After that, Huon leaves in a hurry; he seems more excited about your three-field system than any sane person should be. You waste no time gorging yourself on the roasted meat. Once you have eaten your fill, you get ready for bed. Your final thoughts of the day are about what beautiful maidens will be on display a short walk from your new cottage; tomorrow you will go and get an answer to that question.
  
  Day-old boar for breakfast isn't ideal, but it is all that you have. Eating is just something you have to do before you make the short walk through the woods to Camelot's farms. Your day immediately improves once you arrive; roughly a dozen of the most beautiful women you have ever seen are begrudgingly riding around on cows in the section of the field closest to you.
  
  One of the maidens catches your eye as the most gorgeous among them. She is a blonde your age with blonde hair and timid blue eyes that dart around the field like she expects to be attacked. You stare at her for long enough that she glances at you and makes eye contact before both of you blush and look away. Her petite figure and soft features, combined with her apparent nervousness, make her seem cute beyond measure.
  
  You sigh, watch her blonde hair dance in the wind, and wonder if there is a way to talk to her. Without so much as her name, it seems unlikely; however, daydreaming of having dinner with her becomes one of your favorite pastimes in Camelot very quickly. You're thankful to discover that she is always on "magic ritual duty," which is what you name their job.
  
  > One year later
  Roughly a year passes, though you can't be sure of the time since your calendar app isn't working, and the first harvest yielded more food than Camelot needed. King Uther showed up at your cottage to thank you in person over the winter; something you imagine does not happen often.
  
  Still, your reputation around Camelot is barely positive. Villagers started calling you Merlin the Magician, but they also started a rumor that you eat children. One farmer even claims that you ate his daughter, who went missing some time ago; of course, he won't formally accuse you of a crime since you are fueling the magical fields.
  
  You put a questionable loaf of bread on the table and take the chicken off the fire; your cooking skills have improved somewhat over the year. Sitting down to eat your loneliness reminds you that the girls will be starting magic ritual duty soon since the fields have been planted. All you have for entertainment is watching the maidens in the field and daydreaming about talking to the beautiful blonde; winter is particularly boring without this luxury.
  
  Eating alone in the woods causes a certain paranoia, so when you first hear the yelling and cheering outside, you chalk it up to imagination. When it gets louder, you look out the window and notice that your cottage is being surrounded by pitchforks and torches; panic quickly overtakes you as there is a knock at your door. You open it slowly and see Huon standing on the other side.
  
  "Come out, Merlin," he says menacingly.
  
  "What is the meaning of this?" you ask nervously.
  
  "These people want answers," Huon gestures towards the crowd as he speaks.
  
  "Answers? I haven't done anything!"
  
  "Is that so? Well, you were supposed to be tending to the magical fields!"
  
  "What?"
  
  "Don't play dumb: you know the fields are not producing this year. The sprouts are sickly because the soil is no longer fertile; this problem was prevalent before we switched to the two-field system. Your magic isn't working, Merlin!"
  
  Thinking for a moment, you respond, "It's the crops! We planted too many of a similar type in each field!"
  
  "We will not listen to your excuses! King Uther turned a blind eye to your foul deeds because of your magic, but if your magic will not help us, then you will not be pardoned for your crimes!"
  
  "I haven't committed any crimes!"
  
  "We shall see about that."
  
  Huon nods to another man who steps forward and says, "This sorcerer ate my daughter! She was in the field riding cows at his request, he was watching her with hunger in his eyes, and she never came home."
  
  "What proof do you have?" you ask desperately.
  
  Huon motions to someone else in the crowd and says, "Viviane, tell them."
  
  You gasp as the beautiful blue-eyed blonde from the field steps forward. She looks at her shoes and says, "Umm... The sorcerer watches me..."
  
  "How does he watch you?" Huon asks.
  
  "He is creepy like he wants to eat me."
  
  "Thank you, Viviane, you can return home now. I think that is proof enough; we will kill you before you eat anyone else's child."
  
  "No, I didn't eat anyone!" you yell.
  
  "Burn him at the stake," Huon says.
  
  Your door swings open to reveal a pile of logs the villagers set up during your conversation; it's a platform built from large logs, with gallows on top to hold someone in place. Several hands grab you and drag you to the gallows. Horrified, you are forced to attend the worst bonfire anyone has invited you to.