Bears, Bears, Bears
Admiral Jota
gender-neutral protagonist monkeys office Speed-IF Y SpeedIF SpeedIF May 2001 walkthrough
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It is almost six o'clock, and you have a date with your beloved for some good old cavorting in the park, hopefully topped off with some newfangeld smoochies. But you are stuck at work! You thought working
at "Sprockets, Rockets, and Pants" would be easy -- and it is! But getting home isn't.

Bears, Bears, Bears
A game which has nothing whatsoever to do with bears.

This is the upstairs lobby of the RSP corporation. It's very different from the downstairs lobby, in that it doesn't have a nice reception desk, comfy chairs, or a shiny chandelier. It does have a vending machine, though. There's a storage closet north of you and a shower room to the south. A really long hallway leads east, to freedom.
You examine the machine
This vending machine sells tasty bananas, like most vending machines around the world. Unfortunately, it's broken. The back panel has been unlocked so that maintenance can look inside, but they haven't gotten around to fixing it yet.
You check what you're carrying
You open the back panel.

You are carrying nothing.
You look in the machine
Hmm. Looks like it's missing a sprocket.
About you
As good-looking as ever.
You go east
The hallway stretches on for a nigh-unimaginable distance to the east. Somewhere out there is the elevator which will take you downstairs so you can go find the object of your smoochie-filled desires.

Two monkey men are playing frisbee here, blocking the hallway.

William Shatner is singing quietly in the corner.
You take the frisbee
Those seem to belong to the monkey men.
You examine the men
While monkey men traditionally play golf, these two are playing frisbee. As if that weren't bad enough, they're playing with *two* frisbees, so as to ensure that the hallway is obstructed by at least one trademarked flying disk at all times!
You look at the frisbee
They're frisbees, alright. Trademarked flying disks, just like I said.
Sing
Your singing is abominable.
You look at Shatner
William Shatner is standing in the corner, minding his own business. His Priceline commercials have apparently a toll on him: he's wearing
a beret and singing "Fly Me to the Moon", nearly oblivious to the
world around him as he flips a into the air quarter repeated, in time with the song.
You get the quarter
That seems to belong to the William Shatner.
You ask Shatner for the quarter
He ignores you, completely engrossed in his music. "Fly me... to the moon, my -- friend..."
You look around
The hallway stretches on for a nigh-unimaginable distance to the east. Somewhere out there is the elevator which will take you downstairs so you can go find the object of your smoochie-filled desires.

Two monkey men are playing frisbee here, blocking the hallway.

William Shatner is singing quietly in the corner.
Go east
The monkey men are blocking the hallway with their frisbee game!
Go west
This is the upstairs lobby of the RSP corporation. It's very different from the downstairs lobby, in that it doesn't have a nice reception desk, comfy chairs, or a shiny chandelier. It does have a vending machine, though. There's a storage closet north of you and a shower room to the south. A really long hallway leads east, to freedom.
You go to the north
It is a closet which is used to store things. It is in fact, a small storage closet, and from the perspective of the break room, it is to the north. A creative mind could possible even construe that vending machine as a trophy case. But it wasn't really intentional.

You can see a rocket, a sprocket and a pair of pants here.
You examine the rocket
A big rocket, much like the fireworks typically seen in cartoons like Tom and Jerry or the Coyote and the Roadrunner.
You examine the sprocket
A small doohickey which is vital to many mechanical devices.
You examine the pants
Trousers.
You get all
rocket: Taken.
sprocket: Taken.
pair of pants: Taken.
You wear the pants
You're already wearing your invisible pants. Don't try to refer to them: they're invisible.
You go south
This is the upstairs lobby of the RSP corporation. It's very different from the downstairs lobby, in that it doesn't have a nice reception desk, comfy chairs, or a shiny chandelier. It does have a vending machine, though. There's a storage closet north of you and a shower room to the south. A really long hallway leads east, to freedom.
You put the sprocket in the panel
You expertly attach the sprocket to the appropriate flange, then close the back panel. All fixed!
You examine the machine
This vending machine sells tasty bananas, like most vending machines around the world. Put a quarter in the slot, and you could have your very own.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a pair of pants
a rocket
You give the rocket to Shatner
Shatner stops singing mid-verse, dropping his quarter to the ground.

"Yes! Fly... me, to the moon!" He pulls a match from his pocket,
lights the rocket, and hops on. Seconds later he's blasting down the corridor, singing snatches of "Magic Carpet Ride".
You get quarter
Taken.
Go west
This is the upstairs lobby of the RSP corporation. It's very different from the downstairs lobby, in that it doesn't have a nice reception desk, comfy chairs, or a shiny chandelier. It does have a vending machine, though. There's a storage closet north of you and a shower room to the south. A really long hallway leads east, to freedom.
You put quarter in the machine
You put the quarter in the slot, and a banana pops out! Magic!
You examine the banana
Mmm, banana!
You go east
The hallway stretches on for a nigh-unimaginable distance to the east. Somewhere out there is the elevator which will take you downstairs so you can go find the object of your smoochie-filled desires.

Two monkey men are playing frisbee here, blocking the hallway.
You give the banana to the men
The monkey men drop their frisbees and start fighting over their banana. They eventually agree to settle the matter with a formal duel, and leave to make the arrangements.
You go east
You trudge down the hallway for a few minutes, but realize that
there's no way you could reach the other end on foot. Sadly you
return.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a pair of pants
Go south
This room is for the convenience of the employees who work with sprockets and tend to end up covered in machine oil, or who work with rockets and end up covered in soot, or who work with pants. It has
many shower heads, for the purpose of showering.

There's a nude woman here! Hiding behind a pony! So you can't actually see anything! But you know she's naked! Because I just told you so!

"Eeeek!" she screams. "Stay away! Someone stole all my clothes when I came in here to take a shower. I said, 'Stay away!'"
You examine the pony
It's kinda like a small horse.
You give the pants to the woman
The woman gratefully takes the pants and dresses herself, while still hiding behind the pony.

"Thank you," she says, "But could you find me a shirt, too?"
No
She cowers behind the pony. "Stay back! I'm naked! Don't come any closer!"
You look at the shower heads
Yes, they look perfectly functional. Of course, you're clean, and
don't need to use them.
You examine woman
A topless woman, standing behind a pony. She looks just like every other topless woman standing behind a pony you've ever seen before. Except cuter.

The woman turns red when she realizes that you're ogling her. "Could you please bring me some more clothes?"
Look around
This room is for the convenience of the employees who work with sprockets and tend to end up covered in machine oil, or who work with rockets and end up covered in soot, or who work with pants. It has
many shower heads, for the purpose of showering.

There's a nude woman here! Hiding behind a pony! So you can't actually see anything! But you know she's naked! Because I just told you so!

"Eeeek!" she screams. "Oh, it's you. Could you find me some clothes?" As an afterthought she adds, "Stay away!"
Go north
This is the upstairs lobby of the RSP corporation. It's very different from the downstairs lobby, in that it doesn't have a nice reception desk, comfy chairs, or a shiny chandelier. It does have a vending machine, though. There's a storage closet north of you and a shower room to the south. A really long hallway leads east, to freedom.
You go north
It is a closet which is used to store things. It is in fact, a small storage closet, and from the perspective of the break room, it is to the north. A creative mind could possible even construe that vending machine as a trophy case. But it wasn't really intentional.
Go east
The hallway stretches on for a nigh-unimaginable distance to the east. Somewhere out there is the elevator which will take you downstairs so you can go find the object of your smoochie-filled desires.

You can see some pair of frisbees here.
You get the frisbees
Taken.
You give the frisbees to the woman
The woman gratefully takes the frisbees and tries to cover up her breasts with them as well as possible.

"Thank you. You cannot imagine my gratitude." She turns bright red and runs out of the shower room, leaving her pony behind.
Ride pony
Mounted.
You go to the east
The hallway stretches on for a nigh-unimaginable distance to the east. Somewhere out there is the elevator which will take you downstairs so you can go find the object of your smoochie-filled desires.
Go east
You ride triumphant down the hallway, to the cheers and acclaim of
your co-workers! Hail, the conquering hero! And if you think this is great, you should see the smoochies. Mmmhmm! Baybee!