Being the Ending of the Beginning
Chris Conley
Penultimate not numbered Speed IF walkthrough
Darkness. It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum.
%
Type ABOUT for information about this ridiculous thing.

It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum.
You listen
What a curious sound. Maddeningly amplified by the walls of this chamber. You can hardly stand it.
Inventory
in between. I went with the former restriction, just for fun.

Note: fun not guaranteed. Offer not valid in Texas.
Nothing else
You will need to be more specific. Try typing LOOK to get a description of your surroundings.

To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.
You turn on the lights
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>TURN ON

Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands.

(your mum's shoes)
They're not something you can switch.
You look at nothing else
You will need to be more specific. Try typing LOOK to get a description of your surroundings.
You look
It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum.
You remove the shoes
Not on your life. You've safely kept these shoes for 27 years and you're not about to let them out of your sight.
You go east
You'll have to get out of the tanning bed first.
You open bed
The humming noise mercifully stops.

Tanning Salon (in the tanning bed)
The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor.
You open the bed
That's already open.
You look at the clothing
Your clothes are all wrinkly and yecch.
You get the clothing
You quickly gather up your clothes.
Wear clothing
You feel much more at ease with your wardrobe properly arranged on your person. This even despite its present condition.

Hold, what's this in your pocket?
Wear clothing
You're already wearing those!
You examine pocket
In the pockets, you find a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica, a pair of carved bone dice, a single chopstick, a small can of liver paté, four small smooth stones, and a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur.
You examine dice
They currently display 0 and 0.
You roll the dice
You roll a 1 and a 2.
You play it
A very unfortunate sound blares from the harmonica.
Sing
Your singing is abominable.
You examine liver
You see nothing special about the small can of liver paté.
You eat the stone
That's plainly inedible.
You eat the liver
You eat the small can of liver paté. Not bad.
You go outside
You get out of the tanning bed.

The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

You can see a pair of carved bone dice and a tanning bed (empty) here.
You exit the bed
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>EXIT
Wrightsville Town Shopping Center
Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east.
You guess we are a the goat
You typed a rather long command and I didn't understand it. It's better to stick to simpler things like TAKE SMALL SMOOTH STONE.
You get the dice and the bed
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>GET DICE
You can't see any such thing.
Look around
Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east.
Go north
The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

You can see a pair of carved bone dice and a tanning bed (empty) here.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You possess:
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
four small smooth stones
You get the dice and the bed
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
some dissheveled clothing
your mum's shoes

pair of carved bone dice: Taken.
tanning bed: That's fixed in place.
Go east
A dozen garish illuminated signs advertise overcooked and overpriced foods from various stalls. Out of all of them, there's only one place here in which you would be caught dead.

The familiar golden arches beckon onwards.
You go to the east
You dutifully take your place in line.

McDonalds (in line)
The thoughts of has occured here in days gone by and what will occur in the imminent future fill you with a warm feeling of contentment. This is good.

You can see a cashier here.
Cashier
She is wearing a T-shirt reading "I killed my father and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" and a dull expression.

A woman and three even larger children waddle to the nearest table, bags of food in tow. Disgusting.
You eat cashier
(first taking the cashier)
I don't suppose the cashier would care for that.

A tall, thin man takes his salad and practically sprints to a table in the middle of the dining area. Deplorable.
Wait
Time passes.

At last, your turn has arrived. "How may I take your order?"
No
That was a rhetorical question.
No
The cashier has better things to do.
You order food
"That's not on the menu." The cashier points above her head.
You look at the menu
The usual. Burgers, happy meals, shakes, salads, sodas...
You order happy Meal
You wait a moment for your order to be prepared, then gleefully take the Happy Meal with you to your usual table in the back of the dining area.

McDonalds (in the booth)
The thoughts of has occured here in days gone by and what will occur in the imminent future fill you with a warm feeling of contentment. This is good.

You can see a cashier here.
You go south
You'll have to get out of the booth first.
You check your inventory
You possess:
a shake
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
four small smooth stones
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
some dissheveled clothing
your mum's shoes
Happy Meal
Enclosed in a delightful chatreuse box.
You eat happy Meal
(first placing the shake on the table)
Delicious.

As you finish, you are overcome by an extreme feeling of dread. Suddenly, Tiny Tim bursts from the floor, destroying half of the dining area in an explosion of magma and ash. Your hair is nearly singed by a burning chunk of formica flying past your head.

"LESLIE!" he screams, pointing at you.

"Er... yes?"

Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies.

Tiny Tim hovers a foot off the crater floor, his long hair sticking out wildly in all directions. Dust and debris orbits slowly around him.

A fallen brick lies close at hand.

"LESLIE! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!"
You get the brick
Taken.

A sizable piece of the ceiling falls on the really rather poorly named former singer. He's stunned for a moment.
You look at the bodies
The former McDonalds customers are piled here in front of the exit to the mall. You'll neer be able to move them in time.
You throw the brick at Tim
Being struck by this latest weight proves too much for him to absorb the momentum of. He loses his balance and collapses to the ground in a pile of rubble.

Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies.

A large pile of rubble fills the crater.

You can also see a brick here.
You examine the rubble
(the pile of rubble)
The pile of debris that was once a McDonalds reaches nearly to the ceiling.
You climb the rubble
(the pile of rubble)
You clamber up the side of the pile, nearly tripping as some bricks shift under your foot. At last you reach the top of the pile.

Apocalypse (on the pile of rubble)
Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies.

From this vantage point, you notice a bent and twisted girder dangling from the hole in the ceiling.

You can also see a brick here.
You look at the girder
It lies just out of reach.
You get it
It is too far below you.
You jump
You manage to grab the girder and shimmy your way to freedom.

You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky.

Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof.

A large pyramidal skylight stands before you.
You jump
You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
You look at the skylight
A geometric construction of steel and glass.
You look at the vulture
A dozen or so vey large birds make lazy loops in the sky.
You enter the skylight
How?
You check your inventory
You possess:
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
four small smooth stones
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
some dissheveled clothing
your mum's shoes
You break skylight
That's far too dangerous. Perhaps if you used another implement...
You throw the stone at skylight
You can't see any such thing.

An impressive spray of glass falls to the floor below as the small smooth stone shatters the pyramidal skylight.
You look at your surroundings
You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky.

Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof.

A large pyramidal skylight stands before you.
You examine the skylight
A geometric construction of steel and glass. Rather more steel than glass, at the moment.
You jump through the skylight
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>JUMP
You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
You check your inventory
You possess:
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
three small smooth stones
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
some dissheveled clothing
your mum's shoes
You throw the stone at the skylight
Futile.
You remove the clothing
You take off the dissheveled clothing.
About yourself
Tanned bronze. Ignoring for a moment what you're wearing, a fine physical specimen.
You give the can to the vulture
You can only do that to something animate.
You get the vulture
That's hardly portable.
Inventory
You possess:
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
three small smooth stones
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
some dissheveled clothing
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else
You feed the vultures
(to yourself)
(first taking the birds)
That's hardly portable.
Forward
If you can see an object, you can usually just interact with it directly without worrying about your position. Try a command like EXAMINE SMALL SMOOTH STONE for a closer look at something, or LOOK to show the description of this location again.
You lie under the skylight
If you can see an object, you can usually just interact with it directly without worrying about your position. Try a command like EXAMINE PYRAMIDAL SKYLIGHT for a closer look at something, or LOOK to show the description of this location again.
You examine the steel
A geometric construction of steel and glass. Rather more steel than glass, at the moment.
You hit the can with the chopstick
I only understood you as far as wanting to hit the small can of liver paté.
You sit on the skylight
How?
Wave can
You look ridiculous waving the small can of liver paté.
You look ridiculous
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>LOOK
Roof
You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky.

Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof.

A large pyramidal skylight stands before you.
Wave
You wave, feeling foolish.
You take the glass
That's fixed in place.
Break glass
That's far too dangerous. Perhaps if you used another implement...
Inventory
You possess:
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
three small smooth stones
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
some dissheveled clothing
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else
You remove the shoes
Not on your life. You've safely kept these shoes for 27 years and you're not about to let them out of your sight.
You roll the dice
(first taking the pair of carved bone dice)
You roll a 1 and a 3.
You roll the dice
(first taking the pair of carved bone dice)
You roll a 1 and a 2.
You roll the dice
(first taking the pair of carved bone dice)
You roll a 2 and a 3.
You get dice
Taken.
Bother
Quite.
You throw yourself at skylight
(first taking yourself)
You are always self-possessed.
You look at the clothes
Your clothes are all wrinkly and yecch.
You throw the clothes
Dropped.
You tie the clothes together
After a few minutes' work, you've created a decently long rope out of your own clothing.
You rub LIVER on the clothes
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>RUB LIVER
You achieve nothing by this.
You look at rope
It was once, an eternity ago, a quite fashionable wardrobe. Has it really come to this? Making fine clothing into arts and crafts as the world crumbles around you?
You tie the rope to the skylight
You fix one end to the steel frame of the skylight and let the other end dangle down into the shopping center.
You climb the rope
You rappel off the steel frame of the skylight and make about three handfulls worth of progress down into the mall before some piece of clothing gives way. You never did earn your knot-tying merit badge.
Some time later, you come to...

A cold wind blows through the ruins of the shopping center. Shards of glass, fallen bricks, and bodies litter the ground. The power is out, and you can barely see anything in the twilight. Every so often, an animal howls in the distance. Something seems disturbingly familiar about the smell of death and decay here.

The only way that has not been ruined or blocked by debris is the Video Head shop, to the west.

You can see a small smooth stone here.
You get the stone
Taken.
You go west
The electricity suddenly flickers on as you enter.

Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store.

A pale man, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment.

Wait. You realize, with dawning horror, that standing behind the counter is in fact not the Video Head clerk at all, but your evil twin!

"Leslie, dear, what ARE you wearing?"
Smell twin
You smell nothing unexpected.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You look at the Doom
It's a cardboard box.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
Punch twin
Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You open the box
You open the copy of Doom III, revealing a fine pewter space marine, some depleted uranium dog tags, an Official Doom III Strategy guide, an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide, a jewel case, an order form, and an ID code.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You get all from the bo
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>GET ALL
copy of Doom III: Taken.
e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin.
fine pewter space marine: Taken.
depleted uranium dog tags: Taken.
Official Doom III Strategy guide: Taken.
Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: Taken.
jewel case: Taken.
Doom III DVD: The jewel case isn't open.
Making of Doom III Featurette DVD: The jewel case isn't open.
order form: Taken.
ID code: Taken.

Sam chortles in glee.
You give the box to Sam
You can't bring yourself to perform such a charitable act to your evil twin. Perhaps in a less direct manner...

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You ask Sam about her feelings
There is no reply.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You put the box on the counter
"How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the copy of Doom III off of the counter.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You look at Sam
Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense!

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
Kiss sam
Keep your mind on the game.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You play harmonica
A very unfortunate sound blares from the harmonica.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
Hammer
You see nothing special about the e-peen hammer.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You check your inventory
You possess:
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (closed)
a Doom III DVD
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
some depleted uranium dog tags
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a pair of carved bone dice
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a small can of liver paté
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You look at the form
"Register your game now!" Somehow it doesn't seem like a very urgent task, at the moment.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
Open case
You open the jewel case.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You examine the code
"To access the special unique Collector's Edition-only weapon in single- and multi-player, log on with this code on the following website: ..." You eyes are already starting to glaze over.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You roll the dice
You roll a 1 and a 5.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
Official Guide
You see nothing special about the Official Doom III Strategy guide.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
Unofficial
You see nothing special about the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You look at the case
In the jewel case are a Doom III DVD and a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You give the dice to the twin
(first taking the pair of carved bone dice)
You can't bring yourself to perform such a charitable act to your evil twin. Perhaps in a less direct manner...

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You describe your surroundings
Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter.

You can also see a copy of Doom III (empty) and a counter here.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You examine Doom III DVD
Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD?
You show the dice to the twin
Your evil twin is unimpressed.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You put the dice on the counter
"How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the pair of carved bone dice off of the counter.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You throw dice at the twin
(first taking the pair of carved bone dice)
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air.

Sam chortles in glee.
You put all on the counter
pair of carved bone dice: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the pair of carved bone dice off of the counter.
ID code: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the ID code off of the counter.
order form: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the order form off of the counter.
jewel case: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the jewel case off of the counter.
Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide off of the counter.
Official Doom III Strategy guide: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the Official Doom III Strategy guide off of the counter.
depleted uranium dog tags: "I do so love dress-up!" Your evil twin takes the depleted uranium dog tags and tries them on, practically giddy with excitement.
fine pewter space marine: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the fine pewter space marine off of the counter.
small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the resin-encased quantity of hare's fur off of the counter.
small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small can of liver paté: Sam promptly wolfs down the small can of liver paté, completely unselfconsciously. It's really a disgusting sight. single chopstick: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the single chopstick off of the counter. genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica off of the counter.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You examine tags
Supposedly stamped from real depleted uranium. The number on the dog tags is ALK-1360053.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You take all
genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: Taken.
single chopstick: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
fine pewter space marine: Taken.
Official Doom III Strategy guide: Taken.
Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: Taken.
jewel case: Taken.
order form: Taken.
ID code: Taken.
pair of carved bone dice: Taken.
copy of Doom III: Taken.
Doom III DVD: Taken.
Making of Doom III Featurette DVD: Taken.
e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin.

Sam chortles in glee.
Examine sam
Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense!

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You examine tags
Supposedly stamped from real depleted uranium. The number on the dog tags is ALK-1360053.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You sit on the counter
That's not something you can sit down on.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
Play
What do you want to play?
You examine Making
You see nothing special about the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You examine the twin
Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense!

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You examine the marine
It's a toy soldier. How quaint.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You kill twin
Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You play the the copy of Doom
Not possible.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You play Doom III DVD
Which do you mean, the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD or the Doom III DVD?
Both
Sorry, you can only have one item here. Which exactly?
Play making of
Not possible.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You throw the stone at the twin
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the small smooth stone harmlessly into the air.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You look at the game
Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the copy of Doom III?
You look at the game dvd
You see nothing special about the Doom III DVD.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You play it
Not possible.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
Play game dvd
Not possible.

Sam chortles in glee.
You look around
Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter.

You can also see a counter here.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You check what you're carrying
You possess:
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
a Doom III DVD
a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
a pair of carved bone dice
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (open but empty)
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else

Sam chortles in glee.
You throw dice at the twin
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You look at the marine
It's a toy soldier. How quaint.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You ask the twin about the store
There is no reply.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You get the tags
Those seem to belong to your evil twin.

Sam chortles in glee.
You throw the code at the twin
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the ID code harmlessly into the air.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You throw the chopstick at twin
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the single chopstick harmlessly into the air.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You get all
e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
Go east
A cold wind blows through the ruins of the shopping center. Shards of glass, fallen bricks, and bodies litter the ground. The power is out, and you can barely see anything in the twilight. Every so often, an animal howls in the distance. Something seems disturbingly familiar about the smell of death and decay here.

The only way that has not been ruined or blocked by debris is the Video Head shop, to the west.
Smell
Ah, yes. The old familiar scent of evil. You can almost remember -- what IS that?
You look at the bodies
Shopped til they dropped.
You check what you're carrying
You possess:
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
a Doom III DVD
a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
a pair of carved bone dice
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (open but empty)
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else
You search the bodies
You hear nothing unexpected.

You find nothing of interest.
Go west
Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter.

You can also see a counter here.

Sam chortles in glee.
You examine the counter
An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You look at the counter
An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You look behind the counter
What do you know. They are indeed fine Italian leather imports.

"Whoa, keep your eyes on the prize!" The pale man directs your gaze upwards.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You show the fur to the twin
Your evil twin is unimpressed.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You look up
You see nothing unexpected in that direction.

Sam chortles in glee.
You climb the counter
I don't think much is to be achieved by that.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You throw Making at the twin
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air.

Sam chortles in glee.
You check what you're carrying
You possess:
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
a Doom III DVD
a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
a pair of carved bone dice
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (open but empty)
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You talk to Sam
If you're trying to talk to someone, you might try ASK TWIN ABOUT something, the traditional conversation syntax. Type ABOUT to see if this story offers more detailed instructions for conversation.
You read unofficial
You see nothing special about the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide.

Sam chortles in glee.
You ask Sam about the armageddon
There is no reply.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You ask the TWIN about the play
There is no reply.

"You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?"
You examinthe e-peen hammer
You see nothing special about the e-peen hammer.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You ask Sam about Tiny Tim
There is no reply.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You ask the TWIN about the game
There is no reply.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You ask Sam about Sam
There is no reply.

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You hit Sam
Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer.

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You play the game
Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the copy of Doom III?
You check your inventory
You possess:
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
a Doom III DVD
a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
a pair of carved bone dice
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (open but empty)
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else

Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted.
You throw Making at Sam
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air.
You check what you're carrying
Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.

You possess:
a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD
a Doom III DVD
a copy of Doom III (open but empty)
a pair of carved bone dice
an ID code
an order form
a jewel case (open but empty)
an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide
an Official Doom III Strategy guide
a fine pewter space marine
four small smooth stones
a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur
a single chopstick
a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica
You are wearing:
your mum's shoes
nothing else

Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend!
You throw the stone at Sam
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the small smooth stone harmlessly into the air.

Sam chortles in glee.
You throw game dvd at Sam
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Doom III DVD harmlessly into the air.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You throw the dice at Sam
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air.

Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable.
You throw the harmonica at Sam
Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica harmlessly into the air.

Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!
You put the shoes on the counter
(your mum's shoes on the counter)
(first taking them off)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Your evil twin watches intently as you unlace and remove your darling mother's shoes. "Those... why, those are..."

Your evil twin takes your mum's shoes and tries them on, practically giddy with excitement.

Sam looks absolutely ridiculous wearing the dog tags and mother's favorite shoes. A fact which your pointedly point out. Eyes wide, Sam runs screaming out into the night.

Great. Now you need a ride home.
You open bed
The humming noise mercifully stops.

Tanning Salon (in the tanning bed)
The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor.
You exit the bed
I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>EXIT

Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands.

To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.

You get out of the tanning bed.

The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor.

You can also see a tanning bed (empty) here.
Novice off
Novice mode disabled.
You take all
dissheveled clothing: You quickly gather up your clothes.
genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: Taken.
pair of carved bone dice: Taken.
single chopstick: Taken.
small can of liver paté: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
small smooth stone: Taken.
resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: Taken.
You get the clothes
You feel much more at ease with your wardrobe properly arranged on your person. This even despite its present condition.

Hold, what's this in your pocket?

You already have those.
Go west
Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store.

A pale man, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment.
You get Doom III
The pale man sneers even harder. "You think I would let someone like you even touch such an artifact? It's a collector's edition, the super-rare "Ultraviolent" release. Only 25 of these were ever produced. Fine pewter space marine, depleted uranium dog tags, official and unofficial strategy guide, and the Making-of featurette, AND an extra weapon you can equip in both single and multiplayer."

He looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it."
You look at the man
Two eyes; one nose; one mouth; two ears; two arms; two legs; far too much hair. He wears a smart blue button-down shirt and deep red tie, khaki pants and a black belt. You can't see from back here, but you imagine his shoes must be fine Italian leather imports.
The presentation is ruined by the cheap name tag sticker over his
shirt pocket.
You examine the sticker
HELLO my name is bOb S.
Kiss man
Keep your mind on the game.
You get the sticker
That seems to belong to Bob.
You look
Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray".

A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store.

Bob, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment.
You get Doom
Bob looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it."
You go east
Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east.
You go to the north
The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best.

You can see a tanning bed (empty) here.
You enter the bed
Oh, no. You've had quite enough of that. Any longer and you'd develop a crick in your back, and you wouldn't be confortable again all day.
You close the bed
You close the tanning bed.
You look at the shoes
Ah, yes. You had, not two hours ago whilst bathing (and truly: is that not always the most productive time for cogitation?) an utterly marvelous idea. You would acquire a tan while adorned with your dearest mother's dearest shoes, lying on a beach and sipping from a tall glass of coconut cream spritzer until the point at which you would drift off into serenely dizziful bliss, awakening to find impressed upon your pliant skin the intricate interlocking paisley pattern of wistful bygone years.

But there's no goddamn sun in winter here in Finland so you had to go with plan B.