Bureaucrocy
Adri
kid-friendly
A boring tale about paperwork, based on a scene from Glitch the Game.
%
A frustrating tale about paperwork.
You examine the dispenser
This machine dispenses subway tickets in exchange for 50 currants. Press the button to buy a ticket.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
200 currants
Up
The entrance to the subway is down a flight of stairs. You can also go inside Bureaucratic Hall.
You enter
A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "Go away. We don't have time to waste on people who have not learned any Bureaucratic Arts."
You ask Bureaucroc about the arts
To talk to someone, just... "talk to" them.
You learn Arts
You cannot learn the Bureaucratic Arts until you have obtained and activated the Card-Carrying Qualification. You can obtain the Card-Carrying Qualification at Bureaucratic Hall.
You look at the chairs
This is the perfect chair for those who like the idea of sitting briefly and with utmost caution.
Look around
You find nothing of interest.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
You look at the counter
It's a standard counter. You don't see anything special about it. There is a pen here, secured to the counter with a length of ball chain.
You examine cooler
Water dispensing devices do not get more generic than this. It is as plain as could be. Were it possible for water to be beige, beige this water would be.
You sit on the chair
This generic pen will let you write messages and notes.

You would rather not sit in one of those chairs unless you absolutely have to.
You get the pen
You cast a nervous look around you before yanking the pen hard enough to snap the chain. A bureaucroc looks up at the sound, and you panic. You find yourself outside Bureaucratic Hall.

The entrance to the subway is down a flight of stairs. You can also go inside Bureaucratic Hall.
You examine the Hall
It's a small squat building where the Bureaucrocs work.
You go up
Currants make up the local currency.

You can't go that way.
You eat the currants
That's plainly inedible.
You enter
A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
Drink water
A tiny conical cup of water cooler water is duly dispensed.

You imbibe the plain water from the generic cone-cup. Ewww. That water tastes really... bureaucratic-y. You file the cup in the trash can.
You examine the trash can
It's just a trash can. It's not important.
You examine the sign
This sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
You get the sign
That's hardly portable.
Approach counter
It is fixed in place.

A bureaucroc says, "We will be with you as soon as possible. Now please sit down and wait." He then proceeds to ignore you.
You sit
(on the chair)
You take a seat on one of their uncomfortable plastic chairs.
Wait
Time passes.
Sleep
Time passes.

You can't do anything while waiting. Just wait.
You write on the counter
You can't do anything while waiting. Just wait.
You wait an hour
I only understood the first part of that.
You might try: >WAIT

To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.
You wait a while
Time passes.

Time passes.
%
A frustrating tale about paperwork.
You get the water
A tiny conical cup of water cooler water is duly dispensed.
Drink water
You imbibe the plain water from the generic cone-cup. Ewww. That water tastes really... bureaucratic-y. You file the cup in the trash can.
Approach counter
A bureaucroc says, "We will be with you as soon as possible. Now please sit down and wait." He then proceeds to ignore you.
Wait
Time passes.

A bureaucroc calls out, "Alexandra! You're up!"
You get up
You get off the chair.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."

The bureaucroc calls out again, "I haven't got all day, Alexandra! You can take your turn, or someone else can take theirs."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "Alexandra, your request for Card-Carrying Qualification will have to be passed along to the correct department. Please wait while I ascertain the availability of Prefect Wigglesbottom." Then he turns and shuffles away.
You sit
(on the chair)
Don't move. Just wait.
Wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Prefect Wigglesbottom, approaches the counter. "Let's see here. You are interested in obtaining Card-Carrying Qualification, correct?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "I can probably deal with your application. Before we proceed, I must ask, which shelf-height do you prefer?"
1 - High shelves
2 - Ankle-height shelves
1
The bureaucroc says, "Interesting. Perhaps you'd better talk to Secretary Piksnixson about this." The bureaucroc walks away without another word.
You wait for a while
Another bureaucroc, presumably Secretary Piksnixson, approaches the counter. "What do we have here, then? I see. So, it's Card-Carrying Qualification you're after, is it?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "Sounds reasonable. Quick question first, though. Is it ever too late?"
1 - Yes
2 - No
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "Very well. In that case, the fee is 50 currants, and we only take cash."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Card-Carrying Qualification.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
Go downwards
As you make your way back down to the Subway Station, a Bureaucroc corners you on the stairs. He whispers, "Psssst. Here'sss the deal. Getting your Card Carrying Qualification is the first step in the Bureaucratic Artsss. Yesss, and once you have it, you are on your way to being able to obtain Your Papersss (and all sorts of licenses and permits). It used to be you could acquire the bureaucratic documentsss directly from a friend--Oh, it'sss perfectly legal, mind you--but seemsss like you're the only one around. You'll have to go the official route and deal with the red tape. Head over to the Bureaucratic Hall on Gregariousss Grange and talk to one of my friendsss there. You'll get what you need." And then he disappears as quickly as he appeared.

That was weird.

This is the subway station below Gregarious Grange, Groddle Meadow. A flight of stairs leads up to the street.

You can see a ticket dispenser here.
You wait for a while
Time passes.

A bureaucroc calls out, "Alexandra! Your turn!"
You get up
You get off the chair.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "So you're requesting Card-Carrying Qualification are you, Alexandra? Associate Naraiwaddleappali is the official you need to speak to. Please bear with me a moment." Then he turns and shuffles away.
You wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Associate Naraiwaddleappali, approaches the counter. "What's this, then? You're hoping to acquire Card-Carrying Qualification, correct?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "I should be able to rubber stamp this. But first, quick question: which number is better?"
1 - 631
2 - 11
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "I'll take that. The fee is 50 currants, and I'll take that, as well. In cash."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Card-Carrying Qualification.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
Inventory
You are carrying:
Card-Carrying Qualification
a cup of water
100 currants
Drink water
You imbibe the plain water from the generic cone-cup. Ewww. That water tastes really... bureaucratic-y. You file the cup in the trash can.
Approach counter
A bureaucroc says, "We will be with you as soon as possible. Now please sit down and wait." He then proceeds to ignore you.
You wait for a while
Time passes.

A bureaucroc calls out, "Alexandra! Ready for you now!"
You get up
You get off the chair.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "I understand you're hoping to attain Card-Carrying Qualification, Alexandra. That's a matter for Secretary Wigglesbottom. Let me find out if they're in the office this week." Then he turns and shuffles away.
You go north
Don't move. Just wait.
You wait for a while
Another bureaucroc, presumably Secretary Wigglesbottom, approaches the counter. "What do we have here, then? I see. So, it's Card-Carrying Qualification you're after, is it?" He stares intently at you.
You go north
The bureaucroc says, "Very well" and walks away.
Wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Secretary Wigglesbottom, approaches the counter. "I'm led to believe you're interested in receiving Card-Carrying Qualification, is that correct?" He stares intently at you.
Wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Secretary Wigglesbottom, approaches the counter. "Right then, let's see... You're here hoping to procure Card-Carrying Qualification, are you?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "I can probably deal with your application. But first, favorite noise?"
1 - Duck
2 - Not a Duck
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "Very well. The fee is 50 currants. We only accept cash."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Card-Carrying Qualification.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
Inventory
You are carrying:
Card-Carrying Qualification
50 currants
You examine Qualification
This is the most basic, entry-level, bureaucratic item of all. Being qualified to carry cards is a prerequisite to becoming the sort of person who can have Papers at all, let alone Papers which are in order.
Alexandra
This is the subway station below Gregarious Grange, Groddle Meadow. A flight of stairs leads up to the street.

You can see a ticket dispenser here.
Wait
Time passes.

A bureaucroc calls out, "Who's Next? Alexandra? Is Alexandra here?"
You get up
You get off the chair.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."

The bureaucroc calls out again, "Time's a wasting, Alexandra! Come speak to me or lose your place in line."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "Alexandra, as I understand, you are requesting Card-Carrying Qualification. You will have to speak to Manager Chucklesmouth about that. Please wait a moment." Then he turns and shuffles away.
Wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Manager Chucklesmouth, approaches the counter. "Let's see here. You are interested in obtaining Card-Carrying Qualification, correct?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "I might be able to sign this off. But first, one question. What's my square root?"
1 - 67
2 - I prefer not to say
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "Very well. In that case, the fee is 50 currants, and we only take cash."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Card-Carrying Qualification.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
Wait
Time passes.

A bureaucroc calls out, "NEXT, Alexandra!"
You get up
You get off the chair.

A sign proclaims this room to be the "Department of Administrative Affairs - Ministry of Departments". To the left is a waiting area with a water cooler and a bunch of hard, plastic orange chairs. To the right is a counter, behind which is a Bureaucroc. Another sign reads "Please approach the counter for assistance."
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "Alexandra? If you are seeking Card-Carrying Qualification, you must speak to Director Candnot. Please wait while I see if they're taking appointments today." Then he turns and shuffles away.
You wait for a while
Another bureaucroc, presumably Director Candnot, approaches the counter. "I understand you're here to procure yourself Card-Carrying Qualification, is that right?" He stares intently at you.
Wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Director Candnot, approaches the counter. "Right then, let's see... You're here hoping to procure Card-Carrying Qualification, are you?" He stares intently at you.
Y.
The bureaucroc says, "I don't see why not. But first, please choose between the following:"
1 - Pirates
2 - Ninjas
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "Acceptable. The fee is 50 currants. Cash up front, please."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Card-Carrying Qualification.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
Inventory
You are carrying:
Card-Carrying Qualification
150 currants
You learn Arts
You cannot learn the Bureaucratic Arts until you have obtained and activated the Card-Carrying Qualification. You can obtain the Card-Carrying Qualification at Bureaucratic Hall.
Activate Qualification
Congratulations! You have taken the first step toward Bureaucratic officialdom. As with all first steps, there is a second, a third... Once you learn Bureaucratic Arts, then get and complete your Papers, you'll be able to use public transportation.
You learn Arts
Well done: you can now obtain papers with only the requisite amount of hassle and annoyance.
You sit on the chair
You take a seat on one of their uncomfortable plastic chairs.
Approach counter
The bureaucroc says, "I understand you're hoping to attain Papers, Alexandra. That's a matter for Assistant Candnot. Let me find out if they're in the office this week." Then he turns and shuffles away.
You wait
Another bureaucroc, presumably Assistant Candnot, approaches the counter. "What do we have here, then? I see. So, it's Papers you're after, is it?" He stares intently at you.
Yes
The bureaucroc says, "I imagine we can help. First, however, one question:"
1 - Innie?
2 - Outie?
1
The bureaucroc nods and says, "I'll take that. The fee is 100 currants, and I'll take that, as well. In cash."

You count out a pile of currants, and the bureaucroc hands over Papers.

"Thank you for your business. To conduct another transaction, you must exit and re-enter the Hall."
You examine Papers
Here is a full yet incomplete set of all the papers a person might require in order that they may prove, justify or otherwise provide evidence that their papers are in order.
You write on the Papers
You fiddle with the pen, and it leaks ink all over you.
Complete Papers
You cross your "i's and dot your "t's. Or maybe it's the other way around. In any case, you manage to complete your Papers without too much trouble.
Well done. Now go ride a subway!