The Day I died
Marius Müller
walkthrough
This year, our heroes try to escape a prison on Mercury, which is luckily very earth-like.
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In the act of dying, one feels like making an ominous voice-over.
The end began a few months ago. My husband, Paul, had been abducted by a mad scientist called Frénesie, who took him to Mercury for secret experiments. After I escaped Voodoo Island with Elvis Presley and convinced him to become Justin Bieber's new manager, I focused my energies on getting Paul back. Surprisingly, this was easier then I thought, what with the Alien Technology from two games ago around. I bribed someone to build a portal to Mercury on the golf course next to our house. As I sat in the golf cart, all suited up, I had little notion this might become...

Golf course (in the golf cart)
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting thing is a shimmering and whispering portal, to the east.
You examine the cart
A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. It looks remarkably like the three you crashed. Luckily, Mercury is so close to Earth in temperature and atmosphere that it needs no changes whatsoever.
About yourself
You're Alex, lovable sociopath.
Inventory
You are carrying:
Can of Spray Cheese
Go east
You drive through the portal - "Whee!" -  Luckily nobody heard that. You emerge on the rim of a gargantuan crater, which houses a nice little building called "Dr. Frenesies secret cloning lab and prison" in big, friendly letters. What do you know, there is even a space tank patrolling below. A person is standing in the manhole. You wave and only realize that it is a sharkman when you see the flash of cannon. The many microwave pizzas lately make it hard, but you jump from the cart in time, before the shot hits the front axle and the whole golf cart tumbles into the crater as a result!
Thank god it was build by the same guys as the Halo warthog, so it lands right side up and unscathed, apart from the broxen axle.
Another shot hits the empty plain behind you! Better make for the building to the north.

The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north.
You go to the north
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket.

There is a trap here with a Mercury Rat caught in it.
You examine Rat
Aww, just look at it. It has pear-shaped body, with small, scrawnly leg and feet. Its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you cautiously.
You take all from the ashtray
Taken.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a winner ticket
Can of Spray Cheese
You examine the ticket
(the winner ticket)
Oh, someone mistook the third tentacle face on this for a sun. It's actually a winning ticket fot the Saturn Trip lottery!
Pet Rat
Better free it first. I mean, if you want to. You can just leave it, you know. This is IF. You totally have a choice.
You look at the trap
A fiendish thing! It just has big red button labelled "DON'T PUSH!" Too bad mercury rats are literate and curious. Always a bad combination. The rat has one of its legs trapped under a metal bar. Occasionally it pulls on it, in vain, then looks at you with pleading, big dark eyes.
You get cigarette
You better leave it. The owner might come back soon.
Open bar
You pry open the par effortlessly. The rat jumps out of the trap clumsily, due in part to his excess tummy and his injured leg. It sits by the side of the Building and eyes you warily.
Pet Rat
It scutters away from you. You need to earn its trust somehow.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a winner ticket
Can of Spray Cheese
You feed Rat
What do you want to feed the rat?
You spray Rat
You spray the rat in the face with the cheese. It makes quite the surprise faced before it licks all the cheese of its face, then sits (oh, it's a man rat) and goes about cleaning the remainder of its whiskers. The rat rubs his tiny hand across his face one last time and looks at you lovingly. Looks like you made a friend.
You feel like giving it a name.
Name rat marius
The rat is now known as marius.(If you don't like it anymore, just name it "nothing)".
Pet Rat
You scratch him between the ears, and he sits very still and closes his eyes.
Name rat nothing
You revoke your choice of rat-name.
Name rat marius
The rat is now known as Marius.(If you don't like it anymore, just name it "nothing)".
You take Rat
He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries.
Show ticket to Rat
(the winner ticket to Marius)
Marius is unimpressed.
You examine the door
A metal door.
You open the door
It seems to be locked.
You take the trap
That's fixed in place.
You take bar
That seems to be a part of the Trap.
You give the ticket to Rat
(the winner ticket to Marius)
Marius doesn't seem interested.
You open the door
Marius has better things to do.
You look around
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket.

There is a trap here .

You can also see Marius here.
You go north
(first opening Metal door)
It seems to be locked.
You spray Rat
The rat opens his mouth to catch most of the cheese then sits, chewing happily. Then he cleans his whiskers and rubs his face clean with
tiny hands before licking those clean, too. Aww.
You search Ashtray
The Ashtray is empty.
You unlock door
What do you want Marius to unlock Metal door with?
Go south
The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go to the east
The plain is vast and empty, just like your soul. (Oh, burn!)
You go to the north
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket.

There is a trap here .

Marius arrives from the south.
Wave ticket
(the winner ticket)
You look ridiculous waving the winner ticket.
You read the ticket
(the winner ticket)
Oh, someone mistook the third tentacle face on this for a sun. It's actually a winning ticket fot the Saturn Trip lottery!
You look around
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette and a lottery ticket.

There is a trap here .

You can also see Marius here.
You take all
smoking cigarette: You better leave it. The owner might come back soon.
lottery ticket: Taken.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a lottery ticket
a winner ticket
Can of Spray Cheese
You examine the lottery ticket
A lottery ticket for Dr. Frenesies annual Saturn Trip Lottery. Someone didn't win.
You read the ticket
Which do you mean, the lottery ticket or the winner ticket?
You put Rat in Ashtray
(first taking Marius)

He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries.
You get in Ashtray
Marius has better things to do.
Burn lottery ticket
This dangerous act would achieve little.
Kiss Rat
You run a hand across his soft back, and he arches it, cat-like, with half-closed eyes.
You look at the cigarette
The cigarette is still smoking, the owner must've gone inside for a few moments. How you hate timed puzzles.
Look around
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a smoking cigarette.

There is a trap here .

You can also see Marius here.
You put the winner ticket on Ashtray
You put the winner ticket on ashtray.
You go south
The sun is huge and brilliant here, casting everything in that harsh and unforgiven light they have in changing rooms. There is unimplemented plain all around you, except for the portal to the west and the building to the north.

Marius arrives from the north.

A sharkmen janitor comes through the door and picks up the cigarette, totally oblivious to you, even though you're mentioned in his room description. He takes up the ticket and sighs. "I would've loved to go to Saturn, Steve went  and he- Holy Fin, what is this?" He takes out a pair of glasses and peers at the ticket. "I won! Screw this job." He takes right off, to the northnortheast, where there is a huge barrack in the distance. Behind him, the door begins to close slowly.
You go to the north
This small building seems to house the ventilation system for the prison below, judging by the ventilators on top and the annoying "woop woop" sound. A metal door leads inside.

An ashtray stands besides the door. On the ashtray is a winner ticket and a smoking cigarette.

There is a trap here .

Marius arrives from the south.
You get the ticket
(the winner ticket)
Taken.
You go to the north
This looks like a maintenance room, with a ladder leading down.

Marius arrives from the south.
You go downwards
This room is equally superfluos and has a door leading east.

The rat clambers down the ladder with surprising grace, considering his girth.

Marius seems scared of something and runs outside.
Go east
Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south.
Go north
This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.
You examine the cloning machine
It has two vats, one enterable, and an input slot. Looks like without a Data iPod in it, the machine just clones what is in it. It has a big, red lever labelled "CLONE" and not much else. Yep, an Apple product.
Pet slot
Keep your mind on the game.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket
Can of Spray Cheese
You enter the machine
You get into the cloning machine.
You pull the lever
The machine begins to hum softly, and the lever jumps back into position.
You wait a while
Time passes.

The pod hisses shut pneumatically. Nothing happens for a second or two, then both pods hiss open and a figure emerges from the second one.
You go outside
You get out of the cloning machine.

This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

You can also see your clone here.
Examine clone
As good-looking (a clone) as ever.

The clone suddenly grabs his face, "Ah, oh no, the horrors of technology" and melts into a pool of green go. Hm, a touching plea to proceed with care in matters of human cloning.
You put the Cheese in the machine
You put Can of Spray Cheese into the cloning machine.

The metal door falls shut with a pneumatic hiss.
Wait
Time passes.

The machine gives an annoying error sound, and nothing happens.
You get the Cheese
Taken.
Look around
This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
Can of Spray Cheese
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket
Go south
Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while.
On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button.
Go south
You sneak down the hallway to the next cell. And there Paul sits, sullenly on a cot, eyes down, shoulders slumped. You lean agsainst the frame nonchalantly. "Hey handsome"
Paul's eyes light up and he jumps to his feet and grabs the bars. "I knew you'd come to rescue us!"
"Us? I was thinking of just rescuing you!"
Paul puts his hands on his hips and furrows his brow. "Is that so? How would you feel if someone left you in prison?" You avert his gaze and try to dig in the prison floor with your boot. "Pretty terrible." you murmur. He pats you through the bars. "Well done. Now get us out. Man, am I happy to see you." He smiles. You turn away. "Me too." Dang, you must have some dust in your eye.
Paul's Cell
Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue.
You examine Paul
His beard has become a bit more scraggly since you last saw him, far too long ago, and his frame looks thin and fragile in the prison pyjamas. But he's alive.
You ask Paul about Rat
You can only do that to something animate.
You talk to Paul
"Free us, then we can have all the Quip-based conversations you want."
Go south
Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue.
You go to the south
You continue down the hallway, and Paul whispers: "That's a Venusian warrior woman..."
"So men really are from Mars and women ..."
"No dear, gender is artificial construct that's not helping anyone." "Can she understand us?"
"I learnt a few pheases, but we don't have time for chit-chat. Maybe latter."

The Venusian's warrior woman sits here, awaiting rescue.
You examine the woman
She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking.
You go to the south
This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south.

Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask.
You examine Rask
Without going into too much detail, it looks like he died a humiliating and avoidable death.
You search body
Aha! You found a datachip.
You look at datachip
Looks like it's a DNA scrambler. It will rearrange all those little letters in your genes at random.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You are carrying:
a datachip
Can of Spray Cheese
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket
You go to the south
This is a small reception area.

A huge  metal gate leads outside, to the south.

Marius runs towards you from under a chair.
You examine the gate
A huge metal gate, padlocked, with a small window inside it.
You look at the window
You can see the tank outside, patrolling, and the sad sight of your golf cart, front axle broken.
You go to the north
This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south.

Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask.

Marius arrives from the south.
You go north
The Venusian's warrior woman sits here, awaiting rescue.

Marius arrives from the south.
You go to the north
Paul sits here gloomily, awaiting his rescue.

Marius arrives from the south.
You go north
Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while.
On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button.

Marius arrives from the south.
Go north
Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south.

Marius arrives from the south.
Go north
This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

Marius arrives from the south.
You put the datachip in the slot
You slide it into the slot.
You put Marius in the machine
(first taking Marius)

He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries.
You enter the machine
Marius has better things to do.
Wait
Time passes.

The machine goes *beep* *boom* *clang* and something metallic is spit out of the other pod. You hear a puff as the datachip disintegrates. Must've been one use only.
You wait
Time passes.
Exit
You get out of the cloning machine.

This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

You can also see an axle and Marius here.
Go south
Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go to the south
Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while.
On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button.

Marius arrives from the north.
You look at the axle
A perfectly fine front axle for a golf cart.
You push the button
Marius has better things to do.
Spray button
You spray the button with cheese. The rat squeezes his plump belly through the bars and scuttles up the wall. He looks at you, right below the button, then gives you a claw-up as he pushes it.

All hell breaks loose. Screeching alarm sirens sound throughout the prison. The guard jumps to his feet and pulls a huge Kerkerkruip rifle from the table. "Die, person who reminds me of my lost humanity quite painfully!" The bite in his ankle from Marius, who has come to your aid , seems even more painful. You grab the gun and take three shots to drop him, what with his hopping on one foot at all.
Paul runs from his cell and into your arms. You hold him for a blissful second, then nod at the Venusian woman behind him. Paul looks at the dead guard. "I told you not to kill indiscriminately anymore, huzzie." You look to the ground, mumbling "Sorry". "Now, let's make for the gate. They'll send more guards through the Ventilation Building any second."
The three of you run for the reception area. You suddenly don't feel safe at all. No, not safe at all. You hope you can save the four of you.

This is a small reception area.

Paul and the Venusian stand here.

A huge  metal gate leads outside, to the south.

Marius runs towards you from under a chair.

A huge group of Sharkmen burst through the door at the far end of the corridor and spot you immediately. "Get them!" shouts their leader. They start running towards you.
Describe the surroundings
Through some bars on the left hand side of the hallway, you can see a sharkmen guard at a table. He sits with his back to you and seems to be trying to open his cellphone to replace the battery. Good, that should take a while.
On the wall, just outside of your reach through the bars, is a blue button.

You can see Marius here.
You go south
(first opening Gate)
It seems to be locked.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
You shoot the Sharkmen
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text.

"The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor.
You keep going
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text.

The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you.
Keep going
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text.

The sharkmen open fire.
You give the gun to the woman
Venusian warrior woman isn't able to receive things.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
You examine the gun
The latest in sharkmen technology. It's said one needs to be really focused to use one of these.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
Go north
This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south.

Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask.

Marius arrives from the south.

"The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor.
Go inside
You can't go that way.

The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you.
You go east
You can't go that way.

The sharkmen open fire.
Go north
The cell is empty. The hallway continues south.

Marius arrives from the south.

The sharkmen open fire.
You open Gate with the axle
That doesn't seem to fit the lock.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
Break gate
Violence isn't the answer to this one.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
You drop the Cheese
Dropped.
You leave
You get out of the cloning machine.

This lab has been cleaned up impressively for the weekend.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

You can also see Marius here.
You enter machine
You get into the cloning machine.

In the cloning machine you can see Can of Spray Cheese.
Shoot gate
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
That's no way to settle any kind of argument. At least, that's what the law says.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
You look around
This is a small reception area.

Paul and the Venusian stand here.

A huge  metal gate leads outside, to the south.

You can also see Marius here.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
You shoot the Sharkmen
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
Keep going
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
You shoot one of the sharkmen, but that doesn't even change their generic attack text.

"The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor.
You shoot yourself
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
That's no way to settle any kind of argument. At least, that's what the law says.

The sharkmen open fire.
You concentrate
You concentrate, and are now mildly concentrated.

The sharkmen open fire.
You concentrate
You concentrate, and are now mildly concentrated.

"Oh shit! Alex, kill them!"
"What happened to not killing indiscriminately?"
"Shut up and kill every fucking last one of them!"

The sharkmen beginning to brandish rifles, while they're running, but don't fire yet.
Continue
You concentrate, and are now quite concentrated.

"The leader shouts "Don't shoot while you're running! Didn't you pay attention at gun safety training, you tadpoles?" They're halfway down the corridor.
You continue
You concentrate, and are now maximally concentrated.

The first few sharkmen throw themselves to the ground and take aim at you.
You shoot the Sharkmen
(with the Kerkerkruip gun)
Fully focused, you go into bullet time and
PEW PEW BOOM ARGH PEW PEW BOOM ARGH ARGH PEW OH NO ARGH PEW DUCK PEW PEW PEW PEW
Isn't text just a great medium for action scenes? Anyway, all the sharkmen are dead.
The Venusian nods at you approvingly, then she confers with Paul in whispered tones. You try not to look jealous. "Okay", says Paul, "there is tunnel build by the Mercurian resistance (which was cut out of the game because someone ran out of time). It is behind one of those crater walls."
The Alien Warrior points through the small window at one section of the crater wall, and you have a pretty good idea of which one she means.
"You need to get the tank to shoot at it, dear."
"Um, I'm on foot, and the Kerkerkruip gun is empty. Might as well throw it away" (which you do)
"Maybe if you could find a way to repair the golf cart, we'd have a chance. Our venusian friend here is a good mechanic. Just give any repair parts to her."
Inventory
You are carrying:
an axle
Can of Spray Cheese
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket
You give the axle to Venusian
She takes the axle with gret reverence, and Paul rubs your back lovingly.
"Okay, now you need to distract the tank while she installs it."
"Just one sec.... How do I distract a tank?"
"One, you are the protagonist. Two, these sharkmen were breed from the Internet generation and white sharks. It shouldn't be to hard to distract them."
Paul unlocks the gate.
"Go get'em, Tiger."
Go south
Really? You're not sure you feel "save" out there.
Go south
(first opening Gate)

You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

A huge  metal gate leads inside, to the north.

The space tank is here.

Marius arrives from the north.
You get on the tank
That's not something you can enter.

The laser turret fires straight at you!
Go south
You try to outrun the tank, but have no luck.
The laser turret fires straight at you!
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
Can of Spray Cheese
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket

The laser turret fires straight at you!
You look at the tank
With its thick, bluish metal armor and black ugly chains, the tank looks imepenetrable. A sharkmen in a thick helmet is standing in the manhole and aiming the huge laser turret. At you, if that's of interest.

The laser turret fires straight at you!
Go north
The cell is empty. The hallway continues south.

Marius arrives from the south.
Go north
The cell is empty. The hallway continues south.

Marius arrives from the south.
Go north
An empty room.

The sharkman's phone has fallen to the floor.

Marius arrives from the south.
You look at the phone
An iPhone, specifically adapted for plump sharkmen hand. Looks like the Sharkman was playing Fruit Ninja.
You take the phone
Marius seems to be quite interested in it.

Taken.
Go north
Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south.

Marius arrives from the south.
You give the phone to Marius
Marius is utterly captivated. He paws the screen adorably and even hits one or two fruits. Aw man! How cute. This would be a youtube hit.
Go south
Connecting space. West, back to the airduct. A door marked "Lab" leads north, the prison cells are to the south.

Marius arrives from the north.
You examine Marius
Aww, just look at it. It has pear-shaped body, with small, scrawnly leg and feet. Its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you lovingly.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
Cellphone
Can of Spray Cheese
a winner ticket
a lottery ticket
You go to the south
An empty room.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go south
The cell is empty. The hallway continues south.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go south
The cell is empty. The hallway continues south.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go to the south
This cell is open. The hallway ends at a huge gate further the south.

Inside you see the body of famed adventurer Ronathan Rask.

Marius arrives from the north.
Go south
This is a small reception area.

Paul and the Venusian stand here.

A huge  metal gate leads outside, to the south.

Marius arrives from the north.
You give the phone to Marius
The sharkmen removes his helmet and stares at the rat. "Guys, guys!" he shouts down into the tank. "Are you seeing this? That's adorable." A hollow voice answers: "I have it on the screen. Man, that's so cute! A rat playing Fruit Ninja. I could watch it all day. Or at least, until something brings my attention back to the task at hand."
You sprint over to the golf cart, where the Venusian gives you a thumbs up. You high-five her and start the motor. Paul comes running, and he, the warrior woman and the rat pool onto the back seat. You put it into gear and hit the gas. The cart soon reaches a neck-breaking 15 mph.

Upper Western Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go west
You can't go that way.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crater wall behind you.
You go east
Plain (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

A huge  metal gate leads inside, to the north.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go north
The cart won't fit. It's not a miniature golf cart, ha ha ha.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crater wall behind you.
You go east
Upper Eastern Wall (in the golf cart)
This is the place the Venusian indicated earlier! There is a crumbling crack in the wall, too.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You examine the crack
Behind it lies your path to freedom.

The turret fires - lousily. It hits the crumbling wall behind you, which reveals a tunnel.
"Hooray!" says Paul, and even Marius squeals happily. "Now we only need to get rid of the tank and escape a planet 138 million miles from Earth."
"And that's only when they furthest apart!" you add, helpfully.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.
Go north
Tunnel (in the golf cart)
You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.
You go north
The Venusian graps Paul's arm and whispers to him urgently, while you take point and step onto the bridge. It's small, and amateurishly carved out of the stone. To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.
"Seems safe eno..."
Then something steps out of the shadows at the other end of the bridge, something huge and horrible. The kind of creature that would have Lovecraft scramble for his dictionary. Slavering fangs, razor-sharp claws and horrible gurgling noises ... You turn around to warn the others, but then the grue is already upon you, and swipes you off the bridge with her razor-sharp claws. With a bloodied and mangled face, you hurtle screaming into the dark.

***You have died.***

To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...

Oh no! The love of your life has fallen beyond time and memory :-(
You go to the south
Middle Eastern Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You go south
Lower Eastern Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go west
Southern Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You go west
Lower Western Wall (in the golf cart)
An overhang of rock towers here into the crater.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go north
Middle Western Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You go east
center (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go north
Plain (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

A huge  metal gate leads inside, to the north.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
Go west
Upper Western Wall (in the golf cart)
You are in the region of the Crater indicated by the title. (Atmospheric description not included)

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You enter the overhang
That's not something you can enter.

The turret fires - lousily. It hits the overhang behind you. "Oh sh-" says Paul before the whole cart is engulfed in a dust cloud. You steer this way and that, just hoping you don't hit any walls and emerge to the north of the cloud. Marius covers his nose and sneezes. The Venusian clears dust from her face with a dignified wipe of her hand. Unfortunaley, the overhang has missed the tank. The dust covering the gunner makes him look even more like a white shark.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.
Go west
Lower Western Wall (in the golf cart)
The overhang has fallen to the crater floor. Looks suspiciously like a ramp.

In the golf cart you can see Marius.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The tank pursues you!
You go upwards
You can't go that way.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.
You enter the overhang
That's not something you can enter.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The laser turret fires straight at you!
You jump
You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The laser turret fires straight at you!
Go west
You can't go that way.

Paul and the Venusian sit on the backseat, Paul with Marius on his lap.

The laser turret fires straight at you!
You drive over the overhang
With a screeching handbrake turn, you line up the cart, the ramp and the tank. "What are you doing?" shouts Paul and grabs the seat in front of him. "I'm going Mario on these suckers!"
You hit the pedal, and the golf cart accelerates, up the makeshift ramp.
For a second, it's all frozen, the cart in the air, the sharkman gaping up open mouthed- then he screams "Three days from retirement!" before the cart crashes down on him. And catches fire. Quickly.
"To the tunnel!" you shout and grab Paul's hand.
As the four of you reach the tunnel, tank and cart explode behind you. "The owner of that golf club must really, really hate you by now"
says Paul, giggling.
You hold him for a moment and ruffle his hair.
The Venusian says something, and Paul frowns, not comprehending. "She asked if we have source of darkness."
"Must be poetic Venusian language for something. We'll worry about it later."You grab Paul's hand and together you go north, into the tunnel. Marius hopples behind you.

You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north.
You go north
The Venusian graps Paul's arm and whispers to him urgently, while you take point and step onto the bridge. It's small, and amateurishly carved out of the stone. To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.
"Seems safe eno..."
Then something steps out of the shadows at the other end of the bridge, something huge and horrible. The kind of creature that would have Lovecraft scramble for his dictionary. Slavering fangs, razor-sharp claws and horrible gurgling noises ... You turn around to warn the others, but then the grue is already upon you, and swipes you off the bridge with her razor-sharp claws. With a bloodied and mangled face, you hurtle screaming into the dark.

***You have died.***

To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...

Oh no! The love of your life has fallen beyond time and memory :-(
Look around
To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...
You examine grue
Indescribable.
You examine venusian
She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking.
Go south
You are in the ancient resistence tunnel. Spiderwebs indicate it hasn't been used in a while, or that the resistance are all arachnophobic. Or not very clean. Maybe spider webs don't indicate that much. The way south leads back to the crater, while there seems to be some sort of bridge to the north.

Marius arrives from the north.
You go south
You hear approaching Quadrocopters. (Or very loud helicopters). Better stay in the tunnel.
You go north
To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...

Marius arrives from the south.
You talk to grue
She says, "gargle gargle barf"
Kiss grue
Keep your mind on the game.
You get the spiderwebs
That's hardly portable.
You feed Marius to the grue
(first taking Marius)
He slips out of your grab. Looks like you have to learn to respect his boundaries.
Look around
To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...
You jump
You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.
You climb
What do you want to climb?
You climb down
You must name something more substantial.
Look around
To either side, the cave drops down into lightless depths. Phosphopho..phospher....phospos...glowing stones in the walls provide a dim light.

Marius stands before the monster, back arched. The Venusian stands a few feet off, clenching and unclenching her fist uncertainly.

A slobbering monstrosity ... razor sharp fangs ... small, black eyes ... the kind of ancient evil that demands ellipsis...
You examine venusian
She has silvery skin, golden her put up in a tight bun, and wears full body chain mail. Black, pearl eyes look at you unblinking.
You eat grue
(first taking Light grue)
I don't suppose Light grue would care for that.
You eat venusian
(first taking Venusian warrior woman)
That's hardly portable.
You go north
As you step between the glass door, someone steps out of the living room. You stumble back, confused. A stalin jacket, red burning eyes. "Hey Alex" says Uncle Wally. "How the hell have you been?"