Don't Mind My Apocalypse Head
Bruno Dias
cover art Inform 7 parser party
A social anxiety body horror short story about surviving a dinner party when you are just a little bit possessed by an entity that wants to bring about the end of the universe. Features nine official endings and custom responses to prevent the player from doing almost anything.
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"Just take your coat off and come join us in the dining room, we're all about to start," Julia says as she already steps out of the vestibule.

Coming here tonight was definitely a terrible idea.



The vestibule, that most Freudian of rooms, is the liminal space between the front door and the interior of the house proper. This one, like the rest of the house, is wood-paneled and vaguely beaux-arts in a way that can only be described as "tweedy."

You try not to catch yourself on the full-length mirror.

You can also see a coat hook here.
About you
You get tired of staring at yourself, and your eyes wander over to the full-length mirror instead: A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a coat (being worn)
your phone
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android.
You examine the coat
(the coat)
A grey peacoat; a bit grandiose, but appropriate to the autumn chill.
You remove the coat
(the coat)
You take off your coat and hang it.
You describe your surroundings
The vestibule, that most Freudian of rooms, is the liminal space between the front door and the interior of the house proper. This one, like the rest of the house, is wood-paneled and vaguely beaux-arts in a way that can only be described as "tweedy."

You try not to catch yourself on the full-length mirror.

You can also see a coat hook (on which is a coat) here.
You enter the rooms
[That is either not here, or you don't need to refer to it over
the course of this story.]
You go north
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some seafood vol-au-vents) and some glasses.

Julia looks at you thoughtfully from her chair at the head of the table. "Please," she says, "take a seat."

You do so, and she adds: "I see you didn't bring a date. That's a shame."

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You examine Julia
Proudly grey-haired and staring at the word from behind wire-rim glasses. Julia teaches classics, or so you understand to be the case, though as far as you know she gives only seminars, not lectures, and spends most of her time on various obscure side projects.

"Please, dig in. I think you'll enjoy this one," Julia says. Francis pokes at the dish in front of him with a fork: "What is it?" "Why don't you take a bite and tell me?"
You eat
(the phone)
Your eyes run across the silverware you're using:
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Worms issue from the mouth! Black ichor!
Falling and falling!"

That's plainly inedible.

Francis uses his fork to collapse the construction on his plate. "Is it... crab?" Julia just smiles and takes a bite out of her own plate.
You eat the food
You take a look at the seafood vol-au-vents before digging in:

A vol-au-vent is a little bucket made out of puff pastry; this one is filled with some kind of pinkish material that you strongly suspect is some type of seafood, but you can't identify which. It's also topped with three thin, artistically-arranged chives.

You take a few bites out of the seafood vol-au-vents.
The filling consists of pale bits of vaguely crustacean flesh floating in vaguely sea-tasting sauce; it's either lobster in a crab sauce, or crab in a lobster sauce. It runs all over your plate the moment you crack the exterior of the puff pastry.

Francis turns to Raul: "So how's the teaching going?" "Fine. How's the business going?"
You examine raul
Balding, spindly, European (but you're not sure from where). Raul mostly takes credit for the work of his grad students and gives lectures on physics that consistently get accused of being "boring" on RateMyProfessor.

Francis replies: "Really well, actually. We just applied for another patent last week."
You examine janet
Francis' long-term partner and the one other person in this dinner party without more than one post-graduate degree. You don't really know what her deal is.

"I love this," Janet pipes in. "Is it lobster?"
You examine Francis
Francis quit academia to join some kind of biotech startup, and he looks exactly like someone who quit academia to join a biotech startup should look like: Smug in a fleece.

"Keep guessing," Julia continues. "I think Raul had some really good lectures last term, didn't you?" She pats her husband on the shoulder, for emphasis.
You ask Francis about the patent
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Scallops. It's gotta be scallops," Francis finally realizes. "Got it in two," Julia replies. Raul seems almost relieved that's over.
You wait
You stare at the ceiling.

Julia: "What's that patent about again?" Francis seems positively delighted to explain.
You eat the food
You finish eating the seafood vol-au-vents.
It's a bit large for an amuse-bouche, to be honest, but you did skip lunch today.

Francis launches into his explanation. It goes over your head but you think you catch the word "telomers". He's interrupted, of course, when Julia asks if everyone is ready for the soup. Everyone is about as excited as you can get for soup, which is to say not very much at all.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the next course: A soup.
You look at the soup
A bright orange broth. Seasonal. Safe. Surprisingly clear, actually, almost like consomm��...

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the squash soup: "You cannot save them! Nobody can be saved!"

"This is good soup," Janet says delightedly. "Is this yam?" "Squash," Julia replies.
You eat the soup
You take a few bites out of the squash soup.
The taste is so subtle that you could be forgiven for thinking it doesn't actually taste of very much at all.

You're getting a bit anxious about that unread notification.

Francis tries to get back on track explaining what his company does, but nobody seems too interested.
Scream
You turn to the empty space over your shoulder and scream: "SHUT UP!" [Your awkwardness has increased by five points.]

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You look at the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like someone liked one of your tweets.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You drop the spoon
You haven't got those.

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
Kiss julia
Julia might not like that.

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
You jump
You jump on the spot.

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
Scream
You turn to the empty space over your shoulder and scream: "SHUT UP!" [Your awkwardness has increased by five points.]

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
About you
You get tired of staring at yourself, and your eyes wander over to the full-length mirror instead: A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.
You examine coat hook
For hanging coats on.
You hang coat
What do you want to hang the coat on?
You hang the coat on the coat hook
(the coat on the coat hook)
You take off your coat and hang it.
You examine coat
(the coat hook)
You get tired of staring at the coat hook, and your eyes wander over to the full-length mirror instead: A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Worms issue
from the mouth! Black ichor! Falling and falling!"
You search the coat
(the coat hook)
On the coat hook is a coat.
You go north
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some seafood vol-au-vents) and some glasses.

Julia looks at you thoughtfully from her chair at the head of the table. "Please," she says, "take a seat."

You do so, and she adds: "I see you didn't bring a date. That's a shame."

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You examine glasses
Nice-looking stemless wine glasses.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the glasses: "You cannot save them! Nobody can be saved!"

"Please, dig in. I think you'll enjoy this one," Julia says. Francis pokes at the dish in front of him with a fork: "What is it?" "Why don't you take a bite and tell me?"
You sit
(on the phone)
That's not something you can sit down on.

Francis uses his fork to collapse the construction on his plate. "Is it... crab?" Julia just smiles and takes a bite out of her own plate.
You take the glass
You're not in the practice of filching other people's possessions while you're a guest at their house.

Francis turns to Raul: "So how's the teaching going?" "Fine. How's the business going?"
You look at the chairs
L-shaped blocks of wood and foam covered in cream-white fabric, supported on four blocky legs of darkly stained wood.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

Francis replies: "Really well, actually. We just applied for another patent last week."
You sit on the chair
But you're already on the dining chairs.

"I love this," Janet pipes in. "Is it lobster?"
You stand
You could EXCUSE yourself to go to the bathroom.

"Keep guessing," Julia continues. "I think Raul had some really good lectures last term, didn't you?" She pats her husband on the shoulder, for emphasis.
Excuse
You politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (closed) here.
You look at the mirror
A nice-looking bathroom mirror cabinet.

You spot your reflection clearly on the bathroom mirror, and also
the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Knock down the
doors and listen as hell makes itself heard!"
You look at the reflection in the toilet
[That is either not here, or you don't need to refer to it over
the course of this story.]
You open the mirror
You open the bathroom mirror, revealing a bag of cotton balls.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.
You open the bag
It isn't something you can open.

You're getting a bit anxious about that unread notification.
You look at the bag
Fluffy.
You wear the cotton
(first taking the bag of cotton balls)
You haven't fallen so low as to steal whole bags of cotton balls from other people's bathrooms.

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.
Inventory
You are carrying:
your phone

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
You look at your surroundings
This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (in which is a bag of cotton balls) here.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
You drop the phone
You prefer to keep your phone close to where your heart used to be.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
You move the bag
Nothing obvious happens.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
Go outside
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some squash soup) and some glasses.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Raul just coughs into his soup.

You become self-conscious of the fact that you're not eating.

You sit yourself down.
You eat the soup
You take a look at the squash soup before digging in:
A bright orange broth. Seasonal. Safe. Surprisingly clear, actually, almost like consomm��...

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the squash soup: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

You take a few bites out of the squash soup.
The taste is so subtle that you could be forgiven for thinking it doesn't actually taste of very much at all.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia politely asks if everyone is ready for the main course.

"Not much for soup tonight?", Julia says pointedly at you. You stammer something in reply.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the main course, some sort of sous-vide cooked fish.
You look at the silverware
awkward)

A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"This looks... interesting," Francis says, lifting a strand of vegetable matter on the tip of his fork.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Yithlak! Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Janet pulls out her phone. "I should Pinterest this, it looks gorgeous." But then she gets self-conscious, and puts her phone away.

"There's some cotton in the downstairs bathroom", Julia adds.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
Paratext
About the Author
Amusing things to Try
You put the phone in the coat
(the coat)
You prefer to keep your phone close to where your heart used to be.
You go north
You should hang your coat on the hook before joining the others.
You hang the coat on the coat hook
(the coat on the coat hook)
You can't help but look into the mirror as you take the coat off...

A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.

You take off your coat and hang it.
You turn off the phone
It isn't something you can switch.

"Please, dig in. I think you'll enjoy this one," Julia says. Francis pokes at the dish in front of him with a fork: "What is it?" "Why don't you take a bite and tell me?"
You eat the food
You take a look at the seafood vol-au-vents before digging in:

A vol-au-vent is a little bucket made out of puff pastry; this one is filled with some kind of pinkish material that you strongly suspect is some type of seafood, but you can't identify which. It's also topped with three thin, artistically-arranged chives.

You take a few bites out of the seafood vol-au-vents.
The filling consists of pale bits of vaguely crustacean flesh floating in vaguely sea-tasting sauce; it's either lobster in a crab sauce, or crab in a lobster sauce. It runs all over your plate the moment you crack the exterior of the puff pastry.

Francis uses his fork to collapse the construction on his plate. "Is it... crab?" Julia just smiles and takes a bite out of her own plate.
You eat the food
Your eyes run across the silverware you're using:
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Worms issue from the mouth! Black ichor!
Falling and falling!"

You finish eating the seafood vol-au-vents.
It's a bit large for an amuse-bouche, to be honest, but you did skip lunch today.

Francis turns to Raul: "So how's the teaching going?" "Fine. How's the business going?"
Drink
(the phone)
There's nothing suitable to drink here.

Francis replies: "Really well, actually. We just applied for another patent last week."
You listen
You try to just focus on the conversation.

"I love this," Janet pipes in. "Is it lobster?"
You examine janet
Francis' long-term partner and the one other person in this dinner party without more than one post-graduate degree. You don't really know what her deal is.

"Keep guessing," Julia continues. "I think Raul had some really good lectures last term, didn't you?" She pats her husband on the shoulder, for emphasis.
You examine raul
Balding, spindly, European (but you're not sure from where). Raul mostly takes credit for the work of his grad students and gives lectures on physics that consistently get accused of being "boring" on RateMyProfessor.

"Scallops. It's gotta be scallops," Francis finally realizes. "Got it in two," Julia replies. Raul seems almost relieved that's over.
You examine Francis
Francis quit academia to join some kind of biotech startup, and he looks exactly like someone who quit academia to join a biotech startup should look like: Smug in a fleece.

Julia: "What's that patent about again?" Francis seems positively delighted to explain.
You examine Julia
Proudly grey-haired and staring at the word from behind wire-rim glasses. Julia teaches classics, or so you understand to be the case, though as far as you know she gives only seminars, not lectures, and spends most of her time on various obscure side projects.

Francis launches into his explanation. It goes over your head but you think you catch the word "telomers". He's interrupted, of course, when Julia asks if everyone is ready for the soup. Everyone is about as excited as you can get for soup, which is to say not very much at all.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the next course: A soup.
You look at the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like you're supposed to have taken your medication already.

"This is good soup," Janet says delightedly. "Is this yam?" "Squash," Julia replies.
You eat the soup
You take a look at the squash soup before digging in:
A bright orange broth. Seasonal. Safe. Surprisingly clear, actually, almost like consomm��...

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the squash soup: "You cannot save them! Nobody can be saved!"

You take a few bites out of the squash soup.
The taste is so subtle that you could be forgiven for thinking it doesn't actually taste of very much at all.

Francis tries to get back on track explaining what his company does, but nobody seems too interested.
You eat the soup
You finish eating the squash soup.
After a few more slurps, you come to the coclusion that it tastes "brown".

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk about the job
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
You eat the soup
You've already finished the squash soup.

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
Wait
You look down at the floor.

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
You examine the marbles
Glass in various bright colors and stone in interesting shades of grey and brown.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the marbles: "Knock down the doors and listen as hell makes
itself heard!"

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."
You look at the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

Raul just coughs into his soup.
You look at the marbles
Glass in various bright colors and stone in interesting shades of grey and brown.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the marbles: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

Julia politely asks if everyone is ready for the main course.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the main course, some sort of sous-vide cooked fish.
Excuse
You politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (closed) here.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.
You realize it's not on you; you must have put it down on the table somewhere.

Blood drips from your nose.
You open the mirror
You can't help but look at the mirror before opening it: A nice-looking bathroom mirror cabinet.

You spot your reflection clearly on the bathroom mirror, and also
the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Yithlak! Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

You open the bathroom mirror, revealing a bag of cotton balls.

You grab one of the cotton balls and shove some of it up your nostril to staunch the bleeding.
You return
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are your phone (presumably), a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some sous-vide fish) and some glasses.

You're getting a bit anxious about that unread notification.

"We get everything there from a CSA subscription," Raul says. "Even the fish."

Rain starts up outside, audibly battering the roof of the house.

You sit yourself down.
You read the phone
You're not sure of where your phone is. Maybe if you look around at the other stuff on the table.

I hope you won't have too much trouble getting home in the rain.", Julia says, noting the drops banging against the window.
You examine table
Made out of the unidentifiable dark-stained wood material as the chair legs, and devoid of ornamental detail.

On the table are your phone, a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some sous-vide fish) and some glasses.

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

"Francis and I were really into sous-vide last year," Janet points out. "But now we're more into hearth cooking. Ever since the thing with the clams."
You take the phone
You're not sure of where your phone is. Maybe if you look around at the other stuff on the table.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"Only on weekends, of course. During the week I'm on all Soylent now," Francis points out. "I mean, excepting dinner parties." He adds a little laugh.
Search table
On the table are your phone, a sterling silver epergne, some silverware, some plates and some glasses.

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

"Francis and I were really into sous-vide last year," Janet points out. "But now we're more into hearth cooking. Ever since the thing with the clams."
You look at the epergne
An epergne, you have recently learned, is a table centerpiece with suspended trays meant to hold food or flowers or what have you; this one, in a sort of postmodern-zen deco move, is actually loaded with a variety of glass marbles and interestingly-shaped river rocks. It is, regardless, an old traditional piece of polished silverware.

On the sterling silver epergne are some marbles.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the sterling silver epergne: "You will see! You will all see!"

Julia catches you staring off into space. "Are you alright? You seem a little peaked."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"Only on weekends, of course. During the week I'm on all Soylent now," Francis points out. "I mean, excepting dinner parties." He adds a little laugh.
You examine the silverware
awkward)

A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "We are the maggots feasting on god's corpse!
We are the darkness that consumes!"

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"Oh, interesting. How's the Soylent been treating you?", Raul asks. "Pretty well! I mean once you get over the bloating in the first week or so.", Francis replies.
You examine table
Made out of the unidentifiable dark-stained wood material as the chair legs, and devoid of ornamental detail.

On the table are your phone, a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some sous-vide fish) and some glasses.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

A few thoughtful nods cross around the table.
You examine the plates
These are made out of mercifully matte black ceramic.

On the plates are some sous-vide fish.

Aha! There's your phone, right next to the plates. You snatch it up.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"So what's for dessert?" Janet pipes up, shifting the remains of her fish around on the plate.

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
You look at the plates
These are made out of mercifully matte black ceramic.

On the plates are some sous-vide fish.

Aha! There's your phone, right next to the plates. You snatch it up.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

A few thoughtful nods cross around the table.
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like someone liked one of your tweets.

"So what's for dessert?" Janet pipes up, shifting the remains of her fish around on the plate.
You eat the food
You take a look at the sous-vide fish before digging in:
This is neither salmon nor tuna nor white fish, so you're at a loss for what it is, but it seems like it was cooked sous-vide and then blowtorched to within an inch of its life. It's coated in some kind of brownish glaze. The side dish for this is some mix of purple, yellow, and red-orange vegetables that have been spiralized then roasted.

You take a few bites out of the sous-vide fish.
Julia was clearly hoping this fish would get a nice crispy crust from the blowtorch, but it just wasn't going to happen; it falls apart at the fork pretty sadly. The vegetables on the side are actually just fancy-colored carrots.

"It's a surprise. But I think I'll bring it over in a moment," Julia replies.

"You barely touched your fish!", Julia points out. You try to pretend that's not the case.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with a tray holding a large, mirror-glazed cake.
You examine the cake
It's covered in a marbled, light green shell that looks more like glossy plastic than food.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the mirror-glazed cake: "There is no hope! Never was any
hope!"

Francis leans back on his chair, wearing the expression of a well-fed bull frog.

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
Yithlak
"Yithlak! Yithlak!", the words come unbidden to your mouth, "The shadow of night creeping over god's corpse! The ten thousand diseased hearts!" It goes on like this for about half an hour. In the end, they find you drooling on the floor of the vestibule.
You search the coat
(the coat)
You find nothing of interest.
You put the coat on the hook
(the coat on the coat hook)
You can't help but look into the mirror as you take the coat off...

A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.

You take off your coat and hang it.
You examine the head
The head is there and yet not there; you can't really reach it or see it, except when it stands  over the shoulder of your reflection and tells you things...
You go north
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some seafood vol-au-vents) and some glasses.

Julia looks at you thoughtfully from her chair at the head of the table. "Please," she says, "take a seat."

You do so, and she adds: "I see you didn't bring a date. That's a shame."

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Yithlak
"Yithlak", Julia says thoughtfully. "Yithlak, yithlak. Where have I heard the name before?" Francis joins in: "Yithlak." "Yithlak. Yithlak Yithlak." Pretty soon all the party guests are chanting along with you, and you can feel the darkness closing in around your eyes, and it is so soothing when, through the bay window, you see the sky split apart and start disgorging spiders; it is so blissful that you respond by issuing forth spiders from your own mouth in response...
Yithlak
"Yithlak! Yithlak!", the words come unbidden to your mouth, "The shadow of night creeping over god's corpse! The ten thousand diseased hearts!" It goes on like this for about half an hour. In the end, they find you drooling on the floor of the bathroom.
You examine the mirror
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.
Continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Worms issue
from the mouth! Black ichor! Falling and falling!"
Keep going
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "You cannot
save them! Nobody can be saved!"
You continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Knock down
the doors and listen as hell makes itself heard!"
You continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"
You continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Blood from
the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

Blood drips from your nose.
Continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Yithlak!
Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

Blood drips from your nose.
Continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "You will
see! You will all see!"

Blood drips from your nose.
You drop the coat
(the coat)
(first taking the coat off)
You take off your coat and hang it.

Dropped.

Blood drips from your nose.
You look at the mirror
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "We are the maggots feasting on god's corpse! We are the darkness that consumes!"

Blood drips from your nose.
You continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "There is no hope! Never was any hope!"

Blood drips from your nose.
Continue
A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "The worm awakens! It stirs inside your belly!"

You have the most horrible sensation that all your teeth have shattered inside your mouth, and you're spitting out bits of grit and pebbles that used to be your teeth. You think you're bleeding but you're not sure from where. Darkness fills in the edges of your vision.

They find you on the floor an hour later, coughing up for no apparent reason, eyes bloodshot.
You drop the coat
(the coat)
(first taking the coat off)
You can't help but look into the mirror as you take the coat off...

A nice, big mirror on a wooden frame. Of course.

You spot your reflection clearly on the full-length mirror, and
also the reflection of your additional, unseen head: It has inky
black pits for eyes, but it still seems to stare right at you. "Breach the seals. Open the gate," it says, in a cracked voice that's not quite your own.

The head in the mirror belongs to a version of yourself from a previous iteration of the universe. One that seemingly ended really poorly, given that it's clearly possessed by some kind of world-rending evil. You're really in no state to attend a dinner party, but you'd already RSVP'd.

You take off your coat and hang it.

Dropped.
You look at your surroundings
The vestibule, that most Freudian of rooms, is the liminal space between the front door and the interior of the house proper. This one, like the rest of the house, is wood-paneled and vaguely beaux-arts in a way that can only be described as "tweedy."

You try not to catch yourself on the full-length mirror.

You can also see a coat and a coat hook here.
You hang coat
Which do you mean, the coat or the coat hook?
You leave
You could EXCUSE yourself to go to the bathroom.

"Please, dig in. I think you'll enjoy this one," Julia says. Francis pokes at the dish in front of him with a fork: "What is it?" "Why don't you take a bite and tell me?"
You keep going
You've already finished the seafood vol-au-vents.

Francis replies: "Really well, actually. We just applied for another patent last week."
You look at the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "You cannot save them! Nobody can be saved!"

"I love this," Janet pipes in. "Is it lobster?"
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Knock down the doors and listen as hell makes itself heard!"

"Keep guessing," Julia continues. "I think Raul had some really good lectures last term, didn't you?" She pats her husband on the shoulder, for emphasis.
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

"Scallops. It's gotta be scallops," Francis finally realizes. "Got it in two," Julia replies. Raul seems almost relieved that's over.
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

Julia: "What's that patent about again?" Francis seems positively delighted to explain.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Excuse
You politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (closed) here.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Blood drips from your nose.
You open the mirror
You can't help but look at the mirror before opening it: A nice-looking bathroom mirror cabinet.

You spot your reflection clearly on the bathroom mirror, and also
the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Yithlak! Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

You open the bathroom mirror, revealing a bag of cotton balls.

You grab one of the cotton balls and shove some of it up your nostril to staunch the bleeding.
You look at the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like you're supposed to have taken your medication already.
You go inside
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some squash soup) and some glasses.

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You sit yourself down.
You eat the soup
You take a look at the squash soup before digging in:
A bright orange broth. Seasonal. Safe. Surprisingly clear, actually, almost like consomm��...

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the squash soup: "You will see! You will all see!"

Julia catches you staring off into space. "Are you alright? You seem a little peaked."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You take a few bites out of the squash soup.
The taste is so subtle that you could be forgiven for thinking it doesn't actually taste of very much at all.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You eat the soup
You finish eating the squash soup.
After a few more slurps, you come to the coclusion that it tastes "brown".

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
You examine the plates
These are made out of mercifully matte black ceramic.

On the plates are some squash soup.

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
You look at the epergne
An epergne, you have recently learned, is a table centerpiece with suspended trays meant to hold food or flowers or what have you; this one, in a sort of postmodern-zen deco move, is actually loaded with a variety of glass marbles and interestingly-shaped river rocks. It is, regardless, an old traditional piece of polished silverware.

On the sterling silver epergne are some marbles.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the sterling silver epergne: "We are the maggots feasting on
god's corpse! We are the darkness that consumes!"

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
You examine the epergne
An epergne, you have recently learned, is a table centerpiece with suspended trays meant to hold food or flowers or what have you; this one, in a sort of postmodern-zen deco move, is actually loaded with a variety of glass marbles and interestingly-shaped river rocks. It is, regardless, an old traditional piece of polished silverware.

On the sterling silver epergne are some marbles.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the sterling silver epergne: "There is no hope! Never was any hope!"

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."
You examine the epergne
An epergne, you have recently learned, is a table centerpiece with suspended trays meant to hold food or flowers or what have you; this one, in a sort of postmodern-zen deco move, is actually loaded with a variety of glass marbles and interestingly-shaped river rocks. It is, regardless, an old traditional piece of polished silverware.

On the sterling silver epergne are some marbles.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the sterling silver epergne: "The worm awakens! It stirs
inside your belly!"

"Shut up!", you finally scream at the sterling silver epergne. In no time at all you're tearing off your hair as you stare at the silverware, knocking your chair over behind you.
You eat the food
You take a look at the seafood vol-au-vents before digging in:

A vol-au-vent is a little bucket made out of puff pastry; this one is filled with some kind of pinkish material that you strongly suspect is some type of seafood, but you can't identify which. It's also topped with three thin, artistically-arranged chives.

You take a few bites out of the seafood vol-au-vents.
The filling consists of pale bits of vaguely crustacean flesh floating in vaguely sea-tasting sauce; it's either lobster in a crab sauce, or crab in a lobster sauce. It runs all over your plate the moment you crack the exterior of the puff pastry.

"Please, dig in. I think you'll enjoy this one," Julia says. Francis pokes at the dish in front of him with a fork: "What is it?" "Why don't you take a bite and tell me?"
You eat the food
Your eyes run across the silverware you're using:
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Worms issue from the mouth! Black ichor!
Falling and falling!"

You finish eating the seafood vol-au-vents.
It's a bit large for an amuse-bouche, to be honest, but you did skip lunch today.

Francis uses his fork to collapse the construction on his plate. "Is it... crab?" Julia just smiles and takes a bite out of her own plate.
You say the scallops
Whom do you want to say that to?
Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Francis turns to Raul: "So how's the teaching going?" "Fine. How's the business going?"
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Francis replies: "Really well, actually. We just applied for another patent last week."
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I love this," Janet pipes in. "Is it lobster?"
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Keep guessing," Julia continues. "I think Raul had some really good lectures last term, didn't you?" She pats her husband on the shoulder, for emphasis.
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Scallops. It's gotta be scallops," Francis finally realizes. "Got it in two," Julia replies. Raul seems almost relieved that's over.
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia: "What's that patent about again?" Francis seems positively delighted to explain.
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Francis launches into his explanation. It goes over your head but you think you catch the word "telomers". He's interrupted, of course, when Julia asks if everyone is ready for the soup. Everyone is about as excited as you can get for soup, which is to say not very much at all.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the next course: A soup.
You look at the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like you're supposed to have taken your medication already.

"This is good soup," Janet says delightedly. "Is this yam?" "Squash," Julia replies.
You eat the soup
You take a look at the squash soup before digging in:
A bright orange broth. Seasonal. Safe. Surprisingly clear, actually, almost like consomm��...

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the squash soup: "You cannot save them! Nobody can be saved!"

You take a few bites out of the squash soup.
The taste is so subtle that you could be forgiven for thinking it doesn't actually taste of very much at all.

Francis tries to get back on track explaining what his company does, but nobody seems too interested.
You eat the soup
You finish eating the squash soup.
After a few more slurps, you come to the coclusion that it tastes "brown".

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Janet
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
You talk to Janet
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
You talk to Janet
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."
You talk to Janet
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Raul just coughs into his soup.
You talk to Janet
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia politely asks if everyone is ready for the main course.

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the main course, some sort of sous-vide cooked fish.
You eat the fish
You take a look at the sous-vide fish before digging in:
This is neither salmon nor tuna nor white fish, so you're at a loss for what it is, but it seems like it was cooked sous-vide and then blowtorched to within an inch of its life. It's coated in some kind of brownish glaze. The side dish for this is some mix of purple, yellow, and red-orange vegetables that have been spiralized then roasted.

You take a few bites out of the sous-vide fish.
Julia was clearly hoping this fish would get a nice crispy crust from the blowtorch, but it just wasn't going to happen; it falls apart at the fork pretty sadly. The vegetables on the side are actually just fancy-colored carrots.

"This looks... interesting," Francis says, lifting a strand of vegetable matter on the tip of his fork.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.
You realize it's not on you; you must have put it down on the table somewhere.
You examine the plates
These are made out of mercifully matte black ceramic.

On the plates are some sous-vide fish.

Janet pulls out her phone. "I should Pinterest this, it looks gorgeous." But then she gets self-conscious, and puts her phone away.
You examine the epergne
An epergne, you have recently learned, is a table centerpiece with suspended trays meant to hold food or flowers or what have you; this one, in a sort of postmodern-zen deco move, is actually loaded with a variety of glass marbles and interestingly-shaped river rocks. It is, regardless, an old traditional piece of polished silverware.

On the sterling silver epergne are some marbles.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the sterling silver epergne: "Knock down the doors and listen
as hell makes itself heard!"

You're getting a bit anxious about that unread notification.

"We get everything there from a CSA subscription," Raul says. "Even the fish."

Rain starts up outside, audibly battering the roof of the house.
You examine the glasses
Nice-looking stemless wine glasses.

Aha! There's your phone, right next to the glasses. You snatch it up.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the glasses: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

I hope you won't have too much trouble getting home in the rain.", Julia says, noting the drops banging against the window.
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like an email newsletter you forgot to unsubscribe from arrived.

"Francis and I were really into sous-vide last year," Janet points out. "But now we're more into hearth cooking. Ever since the thing with the clams."
You eat the fish
You finish eating the sous-vide fish.
After some forking, the glaze has melded completely with the gelatinous flesh of the fish; the whole thing tastes like miso, but with a sort of gel consistency.

"Only on weekends, of course. During the week I'm on all Soylent now," Francis points out. "I mean, excepting dinner parties." He adds a little laugh.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Oh, interesting. How's the Soylent been treating you?", Raul asks. "Pretty well! I mean once you get over the bloating in the first week or so.", Francis replies.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

A few thoughtful nods cross around the table.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"So what's for dessert?" Janet pipes up, shifting the remains of her fish around on the plate.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"It's a surprise. But I think I'll bring it over in a moment," Julia replies.

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with a tray holding a large, mirror-glazed cake.
You eat the cake
You take a look at the mirror-glazed cake before digging in:
It's covered in a marbled, light green shell that looks more like glossy plastic than food.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the mirror-glazed cake: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

Maybe wait until Julia has cut into it.

Francis leans back on his chair, wearing the expression of a well-fed bull frog.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Excuse
You politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (closed) here.

Blood drips from your nose.

Julia carefully cuts, and serves, slices of the cake.
You open the mirror
You can't help but look at the mirror before opening it: A nice-looking bathroom mirror cabinet.

You spot your reflection clearly on the bathroom mirror, and also
the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Yithlak! Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

You open the bathroom mirror, revealing a bag of cotton balls.

You grab one of the cotton balls and shove some of it up your nostril to staunch the bleeding.
You go northeast
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a silver tray (on which is a mirror-glazed cake), a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some green-white cake) and some glasses.

"You guys have to come over more often, if it'll get Julia to make more cakes," Raul says. Polite laughs from the guests.

You sit yourself down.
You eat the cake
(the green-white cake)
You take a look at the green-white cake before digging in:
On the inside, it's a pretty standard sponge cake, except both the cream filling and the cake itself are flecked with some kind of greenish substance.

You take a few bites out of the green-white cake.
The greenish substance is basil. This is a basil cake. It's very sweet but still reminiscent of marinara sauce.

Janet pokes at her cake. "Is that cake gluten-free?" "No," Julia replies, and she abruptly drops her fork. You can't help but feel like the awkwardness of the moment splashes back on you.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You eat the cake
(the green-white cake)
You finish eating the green-white cake.
Honestly, Julia was a little over-generous with the slicing there.

"This is good. Is this basil? That's so clever," Francis says, already more than halfway through a generous slice. "I think I'll have some more actually..."
You talk to Raul
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Well I'm glad. It's just so hard to get people to come over these days," Julia says.
You wait
You close your eyes and take a breath.

"I miss Margo," Julia adds thoughtfully. "Oh. Sorry," she adds, realizing you're there.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Wait
awkward)

Your eyes start to wander, eventually landing on the mirror-glazed cake: It's covered in a marbled, light green shell that looks more like glossy plastic than food. Some slices have been cut out of it.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the mirror-glazed cake: "You will see! You will all see!"

Julia catches you staring off into space. "Are you alright? You seem a little peaked."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"I mean I promise Janet and I will be around, even after the move," Francis says.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I mean I promise Janet and I will be around, even after the move," Francis says.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I'll hold you to that!", Julia replies with a slightly hollow laugh as she gets up.

Julia takes away the cake, mercifully concluding the dinner. "Well. What did you think?", she asks as she returns from the kitchen.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Lovely as always," Francis responds. "Really, you're so good at this."
Keep going
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Oh, I dabble," Julia replies. "Have to keep myself busy, you know."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

The guests lean back on their chairs, letting their stomach contents settle over a lingering moment.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"So. Is anyone for coffee, maybe a drink?", Julia asks.

Rumbling thunder seems to shake the house.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I think we better be getting on, actually. I have an early flight tomorrow," Francis responds.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"He's going over to Austin for a sort of pre-pre South by Southwest thing," Janet continues.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I mean really it's just a networking event," Francis adds, already getting up from his chair. "But you know, gotta act like a founder now, and all that."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Right, of course. Well it was so nice to see you two," Julia responds.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia and Raul stand up to say their goodbyes as Janet and Francis get up to leave. "Well isn't that something," Raul adds emptily as he gets back on his seat.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia turns to you: "So, how did you like the dinner?" You manage to say something about it being lovely.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Will you be staying for drinks?", Raul asks you. "I can't, really, I have a bit of an early day in the morning," you respond. "Ah, what a shame. Another time maybe," Julia says.

You get the distinct sense you should be gone by now.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You leave
awkward)

Just EXCUSE yourself to leave this awful dinner.

Raul fidgets.
Excuse
awkward)

You mumble something about having to get going, and manage to extricate yourself from the goodbyes in record time. Soon, you're breaking out of the vestibule and stepping towards your car in glee; the humid chill of the air has fogged the windows, preventing them from showing your reflection. You have escaped with most of your face, and your sanity, intact.
Paratext
About the Author
Amusing things to Try
Don't Mind My Apocalypse Head, written late in March of 2017, is a social anxiety body horror short story based on a couple of remarkably unpleasant dreams.

Special thanks to my Patreon supporters who make this kind of small-scale work possible: Isak Grozny, Devin Raposo, Emily Short, Liza Daily, and Doug Orleans.

You can become a supporter at [LINK]
Go north
About the Author
Amusing things to Try
You go to the north
Amusing things to Try
Bruno Dias writes interactive fiction, games, and nonfiction from somewhere in S��o Paulo, Brazil. He can be found @NotBrunoAgain on the terrible bird website, or @brunodias on mastodon.social.

> About the Author
Amusing things to Try
Go north
> Amusing things to Try
1/12: If you have completed the story already, have you tried...

Press SPACE to return to the menu or H to reveal another hint.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You continue
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You look at the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like someone liked one of your tweets.

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
You look at the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Knock down the doors and listen as hell makes itself heard!"

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
You look at the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

Raul just coughs into his soup.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia politely asks if everyone is ready for the main course.

"There's some cotton in the downstairs bathroom", Julia adds.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"Not much for soup tonight?", Julia says pointedly at you. You stammer something in reply.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia steps away with the plates and returns with the main course, some sort of sous-vide cooked fish.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"This looks... interesting," Francis says, lifting a strand of vegetable matter on the tip of his fork.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.
You realize it's not on you; you must have put it down on the table somewhere.

Julia stares at your ongoing nosebleed.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You look at the plate
These are made out of mercifully matte black ceramic.

On the plates are some sous-vide fish.

Aha! There's your phone, right next to the plates. You snatch it up.

Janet pulls out her phone. "I should Pinterest this, it looks gorgeous." But then she gets self-conscious, and puts her phone away.

Julia stares at your ongoing nosebleed.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like an email newsletter you forgot to unsubscribe from arrived.

"We get everything there from a CSA subscription," Raul says. "Even the fish."

Rain starts up outside, audibly battering the roof of the house.

Julia stares at your ongoing nosebleed.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Knock down the doors and listen as hell makes itself heard!"

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You look at the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "We all fall down! We all fall through!"

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You examine the silverware
A full set of silverware, including mirror-polished knives, forks, spoons, and so on, carefully placed next to everyone's plates.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the silverware: "Blood from the eyes! Rats! Rats!"

You realize that blood is dripping from your left nostril.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.

Julia stares at your face for a moment. "Oh, dear; maybe you should go get that cleaned up."
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Excuse
You politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

This is the secondary, downstairs bathroom, so there's just a sink and a toilet, and a small high window to let in some moonlight. The floor and wall tiles are a jadeish shade of green, and they thankfully aren't reflective enough for you to see yourself in them.

You can see a bathroom mirror (closed) here.

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?

Blood drips from your nose.
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like an email newsletter you forgot to unsubscribe from arrived.

Blood drips from your nose.
You examine the phone
You get tired of staring at the phone, and your eyes wander over to the bathroom mirror instead: A nice-looking bathroom mirror cabinet.

You spot your reflection clearly on the bathroom mirror, and also
the reflection of your additional, unseen head: "Yithlak! Say his name! Call him into being! Yithlak! Yithlak!"

Blood drips from your nose.
Sing
You launch into a spontaneous rendition of "Modern Major General", which you realize two bars in was an atrocious idea, so you trail off. [Your awkwardness has increased by five points.]

Blood drips from your nose.

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
Smell
You smell nothing unexpected.

Blood drips from your nose.
Smell
You smell nothing unexpected.

Your phone chirps as a notification comes in.

Blood drips from your nose.
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like you're supposed to have taken your medication already.

Blood drips from your nose.
Smell
You smell nothing unexpected.

Rain starts up outside, audibly battering the roof of the house.

You start to feel kind of light-headed.

Blood drips from your nose.
Smell
You smell nothing unexpected.

Your body doesn't seem to want to stay upright, and you crumple into a lump on the floor, blood streaking from your face. They'll find you, pale and unconscious, about an hour later.
You return
You find your way to the dining room...

A large bay window lets in no light through the thick drapes; a brass chandelier that Julia hasn't been able to get rid of clashes a bit with the modernist minimalism of the furniture.

On the dining chairs are Julia, Raul, Francis and Janet.

On the table are a sterling silver epergne (on which are some marbles), some silverware, some plates (on which are some sous-vide fish) and some glasses.

"Francis and I were really into sous-vide last year," Janet points out. "But now we're more into hearth cooking. Ever since the thing with the clams."

Julia pointedly glances at your plate, reminding you that you haven't touched your food.

Your head suddenly seems enormously heavy, and you find your face crumpling into the sous-vide fish. Soon, blessed unconsciousness takes over.
Paratext
About the Author
Amusing things to Try
Go north
Amusing things to Try
Go north
> Amusing things to Try
You attack julia
It's poor manners to kill a host in her own house, and also you have way too much social anxiety to thrive in prison.

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Attack raul
It's poor manners to kill a host in his own house, and also you have way too much social anxiety to thrive in prison.

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
Attack janet
Of all these people, she's the one you wanna throttle?

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
You attack francis
You know what. Fine. He does look very punchable. You practically clamber over the table and sock him right in the throat. What happens next is too confusing, but your terrible extra head is staring back at you in glee from the epergne while Raul holds you down...
Pray
I think the head made it very clear that God is dead.
You cry
You start tearing up.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You cry
You sob a little.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You cry
You're a sobbing, blubbering mess.
[Your awkwardness has increased by five points.]
You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
Fart
Toot.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Fart
Phhhth.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like someone liked one of your tweets.

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
Fart
Ghhsh.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
Fart
awkward)

Phhhth.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You can tell that some tension is hanging in the air, just for a moment.
Fart
Ghhsh.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Janet: "Really, we should do this more often. It's been so hard to get together with friends lately."
You look at Julia
Proudly grey-haired and staring at the word from behind wire-rim glasses. Julia teaches classics, or so you understand to be the case, though as far as you know she gives only seminars, not lectures, and spends most of her time on various obscure side projects.

Julia suddenly turns to you: "So how's the job search going?" You try to talk for a moment about what you're working on now, but end up trailing off.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You examine Julia
Julia catches you staring at her, tilting her head at you.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You're getting visibly agitated about not looking at your phone.

Francis faces you: "You could come work with us at Agrosynth. You did your dissertation on plant genetics, right?" "Minoan archeology," you reply reflexively. "Ah, my mistake."
You look at Julia
Julia catches you staring at her, tilting her head at you.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

"I seem to remember Julia did some Minoan work back in the day," Raul notes.
You examine Julia
Julia catches you staring at her, tilting her head at you.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

You really, really wanna look at that notification. What if Margo texted?
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]

Julia: "Really, it wasn't anything important. A side project at best."
Y.
cheapglulxe quit with exit status: 0
You look at the plate
You get tired of staring at the plates, and your eyes wander over to the glasses instead: Nice-looking stemless wine glasses.

Aha! There's your phone, right next to the glasses. You snatch it up.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the glasses: "Knock down the doors and listen as hell makes
itself heard!"

You're getting a bit anxious about that unread notification.

"We get everything there from a CSA subscription," Raul says. "Even the fish."

Rain starts up outside, audibly battering the roof of the house.
You examine the phone
A mid-range Android. The notification light is pulsing.

You clear away the notifications; there's nothing important. Looks like an email newsletter you forgot to unsubscribe from arrived.

I hope you won't have too much trouble getting home in the rain.", Julia says, noting the drops banging against the window.
You eat food
You finish eating the sous-vide fish.
After some forking, the glaze has melded completely with the gelatinous flesh of the fish; the whole thing tastes like miso, but with a sort of gel consistency.

"Francis and I were really into sous-vide last year," Janet points out. "But now we're more into hearth cooking. Ever since the thing with the clams."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Only on weekends, of course. During the week I'm on all Soylent now," Francis points out. "I mean, excepting dinner parties." He adds a little laugh.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Oh, interesting. How's the Soylent been treating you?", Raul asks. "Pretty well! I mean once you get over the bloating in the first week or so.", Francis replies.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

A few thoughtful nods cross around the table.
You eat the cake
You take a look at the mirror-glazed cake before digging in:
It's covered in a marbled, light green shell that looks more like glossy plastic than food.

You catch a distorted glimpse of your additional head, reflected
on the mirror-glazed cake: "We all fall down! We all fall
through!"

Maybe wait until Julia has cut into it.

Francis leans back on his chair, wearing the expression of a well-fed bull frog.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Francis leans back on his chair, wearing the expression of a well-fed bull frog.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"That's gorgeous," says Janet. "It's pretty good, yeah," Francis adds.

Julia carefully cuts, and serves, slices of the cake.
You eat the cake
(the green-white cake)
You take a look at the green-white cake before digging in:
On the inside, it's a pretty standard sponge cake, except both the cream filling and the cake itself are flecked with some kind of greenish substance.

You take a few bites out of the green-white cake.
The greenish substance is basil. This is a basil cake. It's very sweet but still reminiscent of marinara sauce.

"Thanks! It's easier than it looks, really," Julia says as she looms over the cake.
You eat the cake
(the green-white cake)
You finish eating the green-white cake.
Honestly, Julia was a little over-generous with the slicing there.

"You guys have to come over more often, if it'll get Julia to make more cakes," Raul says. Polite laughs from the guests.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Janet pokes at her cake. "Is that cake gluten-free?" "No," Julia replies, and she abruptly drops her fork. You can't help but feel like the awkwardness of the moment splashes back on you.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"This is good. Is this basil? That's so clever," Francis says, already more than halfway through a generous slice. "I think I'll have some more actually..."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Well I'm glad. It's just so hard to get people to come over these days," Julia says.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I miss Margo," Julia adds thoughtfully. "Oh. Sorry," she adds, realizing you're there.

[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I mean I promise Janet and I will be around, even after the move," Francis says.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"I'll hold you to that!", Julia replies with a slightly hollow laugh as she gets up.

Julia takes away the cake, mercifully concluding the dinner. "Well. What did you think?", she asks as she returns from the kitchen.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Lovely as always," Francis responds. "Really, you're so good at this."
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

"Will you be staying for drinks?", Raul asks you. "I can't, really, I have a bit of an early day in the morning," you respond. "Ah, what a shame. Another time maybe," Julia says.

You get the distinct sense you should be gone by now.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia looks like she might say something, then doesn't.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia coughs politely.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head looks like he might say something, then doesn't.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia fidgets.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Raul coughs politely.

You get the distinct sense you should be gone by now.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia looks like she might say something, then doesn't.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head fidgets.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head coughs politely.
You talk to Julia
awkward)

Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head looks like he might say something, then doesn't.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head leans back on his chair thoughtfully.

You get the distinct sense you should be gone by now.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia coughs politely.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

an additional head coughs politely.
You talk to Julia
Really, you couldn't get a word in edgewise even if you had the mental fortitude to try.

Julia looks like she might say something, then doesn't.

You try to say something, but you're basically paralyzed by mortification at this point. Coming here was a terrible idea, and you realize that you're going to scurry home feeling like a damn fool.
You leave
Just EXCUSE yourself to leave this awful dinner.

"Will you be staying for drinks?", Raul asks you. "I can't, really, I have a bit of an early day in the morning," you respond. "Ah, what a shame. Another time maybe," Julia says.

You get the distinct sense you should be gone by now.
[Your awkwardness has gone up by one point.]
Excuse
You mumble something about having to get going, and manage to extricate yourself from the goodbyes in record time. Soon, you're breaking out of the vestibule and stepping towards your car in glee; the humid chill of the air has fogged the windows, preventing them from showing your reflection. You have escaped with most of your face, and your sanity, intact.