The Magpie Takes the Train
Mathbrush
Colossal Cash Prize heist IFComp 2020 IFComp Game magpie Miss Congeniality Winner parser walkthrough
A millionaire guards a fabulous ruby in her private train car. Countless thieves have failed to steal it. But they weren't the Magpie!
%
The Gavinchian Rose! A priceless ruby that adorns the lapel of steel magnate Cornelia Hogg. For weeks you've followed the gem and observed its eccentric owner aboard her private rail car. But today is different. Today the Rose will finally be yours!

You straighten your newest disguise and line up for the train. As is your custom, you're the last one to board.

This part of the station has been roped off for members of Hogg's entourage and guests only. Cornelia Hogg's attendant is here, waiting for latecomers. The entrance to the train is to the east.

You hand the attendant your card with a flourish.

She holds the card close to her face, adjusting her spectacles. "Professor Spinner?" she asks, using your current alias.

[New topic for the attendant - Greetings]

[You can talk to the attendant by typing SAY GREETINGS]
About yourself
You are Sir Rodney Playfair: dashing, debonair, and devilishly handsome. Not perhaps in the first flush of youth, but very sprightly for a man of sixty. That touch of grey at the temples lends you an air of authority, a useful attribute for getting one out of a scrape.

You are currently wearing a professor costume.
You examine the costume
(the professor costume)
A quick stop at a second-hand shop earned you this tacky sport jacket.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a ticket
a suitcase, closed, containing a black and white feather, a banker costume, a waiter costume, a maintenance uniform, and a pet groomer costume

[You can see topics for speaking to others by typing T or TOPICS].
You look at your surroundings
This part of the station has been roped off for members of Hogg's entourage and guests only. The entrance to the train is to the east.

Cornelia Hogg's attendant, a tall and commanding woman, is blocking the entrance to the train.
You say the greetings
You give a small bow, letting her see your professor costume. "I've made a study of luxury rail cars, and I've heard that this one is the jewel of the west. May I observe it?"

"Very well, Professor," she says. "You will be permitted to visit Ms. Hogg's observation car. The following are prohibited: solicitation, disorderly behavior, religious proselytising, sales pitches, unlicensed scientific research, fireworks, poking the parrot, and wearing disguises."

"Of course, ma'am. I wouldn't think of it," you say. The attendant beckons you to follow her into the train to the east.
Go east
The attendant goes before you. You walk through an ornate but unimportant hallway before emerging into the Observation Car. You can feel the train starting to move.

You step into Cornelia Hogg's sumptuous private observation car. The room is illuminated by the sunlit windows and the floor is covered in vivid chartreuse carpeting. A door to the south leads to freedom, once you're finished here.

Cornelia Hogg is here as always, furiously scribbling. Horus, the parrot you have come to despise, is on his perch at her side. The Viscount, a frequent passenger who is clearly wearing a disguise, is perusing a magazine.

Ah, there it is! The Gavinchian Rose, jewel of jewels, sitting on Hogg's lapel. It's so close, you could reach out and take it. Is it just that simple?

The conductor peeks in.

You and the Viscount wave your tickets at the conductor, and he takes them. With a salute at the attendant, the conductor leaves the room.

[New topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]
[New topic for the parrot - Hello]
[New topic for the Viscount - Familiar]
You examine the parrot
Horus is an underfed, ornery-looking green parrot.
Poke parrot
As you reach out your finger, everyone in the room turns to you at once.

"No!" screams the attendant.

"Stop!" cries Hogg.

Horus looks on with gleaming eyes, watching the finger approach. Your poke lands.

Hogg leaps at you in absolute fury, punching you with nasty jab-right cross combination. The attendant clings to your back, repeatedly kneeing your kidney.

You are muscled out the room and down the hallway. The attendant throws open the door and Hogg tosses you violently from the train.

As the train rushes past your limp body, you can hear a faint voice:

"Never! Poke! The parrot!"
You examine hogg
Cornelia Hogg is a weathered, wiry old woman with a sharp gleam in her eye. Her attention is entirely devoted to the papers she is reviewing while occasionally clucking her tongue. Hogg is dressed in a perfectly-tailored pin-striped pantsuit. Her brow is perpetually furrowed, and she has a thick head of silver hair.

The Gavinchian Rose, the object of your desire, is prominently displayed on her lapel. A pet grooming kit lies on her lap.

A photographer enters the room and snaps a few pictures. You move discreetly out of the way. You notice the Viscount pulling his hat over his eyes. The photographer takes a couple more and departs.
You look at Viscount
The Viscount is a perennial passenger in Hogg's observation car, although he never seems to speak. He is wearing a wide hat, a heavy scarf, and a fake beard. You could recognize him from his pungent odor alone, though.
Smell viscount
The Viscount has a nasty sort of chemical smell, sickly-sweet and pungent.

The server stalks in, punctual as usual, and carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.
You examine the beard
The Viscount's heavy beard is impressive, but a trained professional like you can easily tell it's attached with spirit gum. The right solvent could wipe it right off.

The radiator rattles and hisses.

The server blinks in the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. He goes to pull the shades, but the attendant says, "No, no, no, only authorized staff can close the shades."
You examine the drinks
This tray contains complimentary drinks, a grudging concession towards hospitality by the usually stingy Hogg.

In the tray full of drinks are a glass of grape juice, a glass of water, a glass of soda, and a glass of vodka.
You examine waiter
While you can't see it inside the suitcase, you remember what it looks like.

You managed to find one of these in your size on a previous trip.

The server stomps out of the room.
You say the introductions
"Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."

She looks at you skeptically. "Good afternoon, Mister..."

"Professor Spinwater, at your service."

"And just what are you a professor of, Mr. Spinwater?"

"Philosophy, Ms. Hogg. My thesis was on the Stoics, who believed that, with effort, one can become resistant to emotional distress and all other misfortunes of life. I've been experimenting on my theories, you know. In any case, I've been looking forward to spending some time in your company!"
You look at the kit
This is a small, transparent plastic pouch.

In the grooming kit are some tweezers, an emery board, and a toy mouse.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

Cornelia tuts. "We really ought to get better lighting in here," she says.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You examine the suitcase
You remember that the suitcase contains a banker costume, a waiter costume, a maintenance uniform, and a pet groomer costume.

The radiator rattles and hisses.
Radiator
Your first word had a typo or is one I'm not familiar with. Try a different word.
You look at the radiator
It's too dark to tell if what you typed is here.
Topics
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to the attendant:
*Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
*Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
You say hello
It's hard to tell who's here in the darkness with you. Better to wait.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight streams in once more.
You say hello
"Hello, pretty boy!" you say. "How are we today?"

Horus cocks his head at you and says, "Hello! Hello! Horus demands a cracker!"

[New topic for the parrot - Snack]
[New topic for the parrot - Reject]
You say the snack
"Would you like a cracker, my feathered friend?" you ask.

Horus bobs his head up and down, and says, "Cracker! Horus will perform for a cracker."

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.

[New topic for the parrot - Performance]

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.
You take the soda
You grab the glass of soda from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.
You give the soda to Hogg
The attendant snaps at you. "Let the servants attend to Ms. Hogg, sir."

Hogg murmurs, "If only you weren't such a ninny." The attendant flushes.

The radiator rattles and hisses.
You look at the attendant
The attendant is a towering, stern woman with tightly pulled-back hair, a starched blouse, and a frock coat. A nametag says "Beatrice Foxtrot."

A stubborn woman, you've learned from experimentation, who never leaves Hogg's side. But her poor eyesight makes your use of costumes all the better.

The server stomps out of the room.
You say the performance
"Horus my friend, will you perform for me?" you ask, crouching down to look Horus in the eye.

Horus says, "Horus is blessed with an abundance of grace. Dance, music and rhetoric are all in my power."

[New topic for the parrot - Dance]
[New topic for the parrot - Music]
[New topic for the parrot - Rhetoric]
You say dance
Horus squawks and hops from one foot to the other.

You hear the whistle blow.
You say the music
Horus stretches tall and begins to sing a bespoke adaptation of The Charge of the Light Brigade. It seems it will go on for quite some time.

Wonderful. That should help mask the sound of your footsteps when you take the Rose.

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.
You talk parrot
That's not something you can say.

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The radiator rattles and hisses.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You take Rose
It's too dark to tell if what you typed is here.
Topics
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to Beatrice:
*Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
Rhetoric - "Speech! Speech!"
*Music - "Sing for me?"
*Dance - "Dance, Horus!"
*Performance - "Horus, will you perform for me?"
Reject - "No crackers for you, dear."
*Snack - "Would you like a cracker?"
*Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
*Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
You say familiar
It's hard to tell who's here in the darkness with you. Better to wait.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.
You wait for a while
You bide your time.

[You can skip directly to the next time the train goes under the bridge by typing SKIP.].

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

You can hear the server stomping into the room, carrying a tray of drinks, although you cannot see him.

Horus stops singing and preens his feathers. He seems eager to sing again.

[Renewed topic for the parrot - Music]

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight streams in once more.
You say familiar
"You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?" you ask pointedly.

"You must be mistaken," answers the Viscount in a gruff tenor. "I rarely travel from my estate."

"Of course, your estate. A pleasant one, I suppose, as you are the Viscount of...?" you press.

The Viscount shakes his head. "It's a new one, you wouldn't have heard of it."

"Ah, such modesty. It's surprising, though. Only three viscountcies were granted this year, and I am personally acquainted with two of them. I suppose that you, then, are the Viscount Upton Snodsbury."

The Viscount says, "Oh! Yes, yes. Upton Snodsbury."

The server blinks in the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. He goes to pull the shades, but Beatrice says, "No, no, no, only authorized staff can close the shades."
You give the soda to the attendant
Beatrice shakes her head. "No thanks."
You talk to the attendant
To speak with Beatrice, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO BEATRICE.

Things to say to Beatrice:
Greetings

The radiator rattles and hisses.

The server stomps out of the room.
You say the greetings to the attendant
You've already discussed this with Beatrice.

[You can REMEMBER or RECALL a topic to remind yourself about previous conversations.]
You talk to Hogg
To speak with Cornelia Hogg, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO CORNELIA HOGG.

Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
Introductions
You say the introductions
You've already discussed this with Cornelia Hogg.

[You can REMEMBER or RECALL a topic to remind yourself about previous conversations.]
Topics
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to Beatrice:
*Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
Rhetoric - "Speech! Speech!"
Music - "Sing for me?"
*Dance - "Dance, Horus!"
*Performance - "Horus, will you perform for me?"
Reject - "No crackers for you, dear."
*Snack - "Would you like a cracker?"
*Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
*Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
*Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
Parrot speech
Your sentence had too many words; you can try typing just the part where you wanted to do something to the parrot.
You say the parrot speech
Your sentence had too many words; you can try typing just the part where you wanted to say the parrot.
You talk to the parrot
To speak with the parrot, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO THE PARROT.

Things to say to the parrot:
Rhetoric
Music
Dance
Performance
Reject
Snack
Hello
You say the rhetoric
Horus strikes a majestic pose and says, "Fortune favors the brave!"

You hear the whistle blow.

The radiator rattles and hisses.
You open the suitcase
You take a quick peek inside the suitcase.

You remember that the suitcase contains a banker costume, a waiter costume, a maintenance uniform, and a pet groomer costume.

You close the suitcase.
You take the uniform
You take off the professor costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the maintenance uniform. The jumpsuit is an easy fit. You adopt an attitude of confidence in yourself and indifference to those around you.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for Beatrice - Greetings]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]

[You can introduce yourself to Hogg, the Viscount and/or the attendant once per costume.]

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight streams in once more.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You close the shades
You pull down the shades. Beatrice says, "Leave those alone, you--" but cuts off when she sees your maintenance uniform.

You notice that your shadow has disappeared. That should make it easier to grab the Rose.

The server stomps out of the room.
You say the greetings
You make a slight bow towards Beatrice. She seems completely oblivious to your presence.

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.

The radiator rattles and hisses.
You look at the radiator
The radiator provides heat to the car with steam power. It has a small knob that can be turned to increase or decrease the temperature.
Talk
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to Beatrice:
*Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
*Rhetoric - "Speech! Speech!"
Music - "Sing for me?"
*Dance - "Dance, Horus!"
*Performance - "Horus, will you perform for me?"
Reject - "No crackers for you, dear."
*Snack - "Would you like a cracker?"
*Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
You turn the knob
You turn the knob, heating up the observation car significantly.

The Viscount is sweating profusely. He unwinds the heavy scarf and stows it away out of sight, revealing a short, tanned neck.

"Awful hot, isn't it?" says the Viscount.

The Viscount retreats from you towards the wall and attempts to be less conspicuous.

You hear the whistle blow.
Look around
You are in Cornelia Hogg's sumptuous private observation car. The room is dim now with the shades drawn, and the floor is covered in vivid chartreuse carpeting. A door to the south leads to freedom, once you're finished here.

Beatrice bustles in and out of the room constantly, keeping everything tidy and giving you frequent sidelong glances.

Hogg's pet parrot Horus is clinging to his perch, his box of crackers nearby.

Cornelia Hogg is poring over her papers, mumbling and making minor adjustments.

The Viscount has been pretending to read the same magazine page for the last thirty minutes.

An up-and-coming socialite enters the room and stands in awe of Ms. Hogg's presence. After trying to engage you all in small talk, the visitor leaves.
You take the cracker
Taken.

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.
You give the cracker to the parrot
Horus gobbles the cracker greedily, swallows, and lets out a happy belch.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.
You take the water
You grab the glass of water from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.
You give the water to Viscount
The Viscount shakes his head. "Thanks for asking, but no thank you."

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You take the pet groomer
You take off the maintenance uniform and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the pet groomer costume. The clothing is simple, and the attitude is one of youth and enthusiasm.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for Beatrice - Greetings]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]
Topics
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to Beatrice:
Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
*Rhetoric - "Speech! Speech!"
Music - "Sing for me?"
*Dance - "Dance, Horus!"
*Performance - "Horus, will you perform for me?"
Reject - "No crackers for you, dear."
*Snack - "Would you like a cracker?"
*Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
You examine the costume
(the pet groomer costume)
It is pitch dark, and you can't see a thing.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You examine the costume
(the pet groomer costume)
This is technically a zoo-keeper outfit. It's the smell that makes all the difference.
You look at the kit
This is a small, transparent plastic pouch.

In the grooming kit are some tweezers, an emery board, and a toy mouse.

The server stomps out of the room.
You take the kit
Hogg glares at you. "That's for Horus!" she declaims. "You're not his groomer!"
You groom the parrot
Horus already looks pretty good, but you can file his talons.
File talons
You have nothing to file with.

You hear the whistle blow.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a glass of water
a glass of soda
a suitcase, closed, containing a maintenance uniform, a professor costume, a black and white feather, a banker costume, and a waiter costume

An up-and-coming socialite enters the room and stands in awe of Ms. Hogg's presence. After trying to engage you all in small talk, the visitor leaves.
You open suitcase
You take a quick peek inside the suitcase.

This suitcase contains a number of ingenious costumes. You can change costumes by typing WEAR [the costume you want] when everyone is distracted.

In the suitcase are a maintenance uniform, a professor costume, a black and white feather, a banker costume, and a waiter costume.

You close the suitcase.
You examine the neck
The Viscount has an unusually smooth neck.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.
Go east
You're not going anywhere until you get that gem!

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear the waiter
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the waiter costume)
You take off the pet groomer costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the waiter costume. Shirt, pants, and apron all go on quickly. You slightly compress yourself and mute your expressions. Inconspicuity emanates from you.

You are currently disguised with the waiter costume.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for Beatrice - Greetings]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]
You wait
You bide your time.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You take the vodka
You grab the glass of vodka from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.
You talk to Viscount
To speak with the Viscount, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO THE VISCOUNT.

Things to say to the Viscount:
Familiar
You say familiar
"You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?" you ask.

He looks you over and turns away. "No."

Beatrice hurries over. "Pardon me, Viscount. Is this servant bothering you?" she asks, glaring at you.

You hold up your hands in protest. "No, no, sorry. I just thought I had met him before. I'm well-known among the staff for my encyclopedic knowledge of famous faces. I know by heart the visages of the great, the noble, the beautiful, and the wise."

Beatrice looks at the Viscount with interest. "Well, do you know him?"

You make a show of peering closer. "Sorry, no. My mistake."

The server stomps out of the room.
You examine the vodka
A strong drink. This is strong enough to strip paint off!
You pour the vodka on the beard
The Viscount jumps to his feet, spluttering and gasping, but the spirit gum dissolves in the vodka and the beard falls to the floor. "Oh my, I do apologize," you say, "How clumsy of me!"

"You wretch!" he hisses. There's murder in his eyes.

Beatrice says, "What in the world are you two doing?" She marches closer, snatching up the beard, but Cornelia Hogg, without looking, says, "Beatrice! Don't be such a busybody." Beatrice stops, fuming.

The server makes an appearance, grabs the glass, and exits.

The Viscount is distressed, and crams himself into the darkest corner of his seat.

You hear the whistle blow.
You talk to Beatrice
To speak with Beatrice, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO BEATRICE.

Things to say to Beatrice:
Greetings
Greetings
You make a small bow towards Beatrice.

"Get me a soda," she says. "Plain."
You give the soda to Beatrice
"Your drink, ma'am," you say.

"Finally," she says. She chugs the whole drink at once. The attendant steps out for a moment to grab more soda before returning.

Ms. Hogg says, "Beatrice, that's crass. Drink it slowly!" Beatrice rolls her eyes.
You say the introductions
"Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."

Beatrice is scandalized. "You do not address Ms. Hogg! Remember your place! And no spills!"

Hogg glares at Beatrice, and says, "Beatrice, remember your own place!"

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.

He looks your waiter costume up and down. He doesn't say anything, but his expression is clear. "Another mixup by the coordinator," it says. "Well, it's not my fault." His expression returns to its usual stoic silence.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear the maintenance
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the maintenance uniform)
You take off the waiter costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the maintenance uniform. The jumpsuit is an easy fit. You adopt an attitude of confidence in yourself and indifference to those around you.

You are currently disguised with the maintenance uniform.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]
Skip
You wait for the train to leave the tunnel.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You look at Viscount
The Viscount is a perennial passenger in Hogg's observation car, although he never seems to speak. He is wearing a wide hat. You could recognize him from his pungent odor alone, though.

The server stomps out of the room.
You examine the hat
The Viscount's wide-brimmed hat is huge and messy, like a mouse's nest. Perfect for obfuscation.

You hear the whistle blow.
You take the hat
The Viscount slaps your hand away as soon as you start tugging.

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.
You look at the magazine
Vogue. This week's.

[New topic for the Viscount - Fashion]
Inventory
You are carrying:
a glass of water
a suitcase, closed, containing a waiter costume, a pet groomer costume, a professor costume, a black and white feather, and a banker costume
Skip
You wait for a tunnel to darken the car.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear the banker
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the banker costume)
You take off the maintenance uniform and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the banker costume. You tug on the suit in record time. You straighten your spine, put on a sardonic smile, and nudge every hair into place.

You can hear Cornelia Hogg sniffing.

"What is that pleasant odor?" she mutters.

Good. At least your smell won't disturb Ms. Hogg when you try to take the Rose.

You are currently disguised with the banker costume.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for Beatrice - Greetings]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]

You can hear the server stomping into the room, carrying a tray of drinks, although you cannot see him.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You say the introductions
"Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."

She looks at you with admiration. "And a good afternoon to you, sir. Please, make yourself comfortable. It's always a pleasure to see a representative of our financial industries aboard." She takes a deep sniff, which you find fairly unsettling.

"Of course. As for me, whenever I think about the great problems of labor and wealth distribution in America, your face is the first to come to mind. It is an honor, Madame."
You say the fashion
"Anything interesting in fashion this season?"

"What?" asks the Viscount.

You point at the magazine. "You seem interested. What sort of things are fashionable this year? One must keep up with these things, you know, however tedious it may be."

The Viscount scowls at you, touching his bare neck. "Scarves were the trending fashion this year".
You say familiar
"You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?" you ask.

The Viscount sighs and buries his face in the magazine. "No, I don't believe so."

"Do you have interest in the world of finance? We could use people with a strong work ethic and integrity," you ask.

"I am of independent means, sir," answers the Viscount haughtily.

"Well," you say, "we might still be able to use someone with just integrity. Let me know!"

The server stomps out of the room.
You say hello
You've already discussed this with parrot.

[You can REMEMBER or RECALL a topic to remind yourself about previous conversations.]

You hear the whistle blow.
Topics
[Topics with an asterisk (*) have already been discussed.]

Things to say to Beatrice:
Greetings - A small bow towards the attendant.
Things to say to the parrot:
*Rhetoric - "Speech! Speech!"
Music - "Sing for me?"
*Dance - "Dance, Horus!"
*Performance - "Horus, will you perform for me?"
Reject - "No crackers for you, dear."
*Snack - "Would you like a cracker?"
*Hello - "Hello, pretty boy!"
Things to say to Cornelia Hogg:
*Introductions - "Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."
Things to say to the Viscount:
*Fashion - "Anything interesting in fashion this season?"
*Familiar - "You seem familiar, sir. Have we met?"

You can see just the topics for one person at a time by TALKing TO that person.
You say the greetings
You make a tiny bow towards the attendant.

She approaches you eagerly. "I didn't see you come in, M--"

"No matter, no matter, my dear. My employers are quite interested in speaking with Ms. Hogg." You look her up and down. "Would you say that you are a typical representative of the quality of Ms. Hogg's entourage?"

"Yes, I would say that's quite right," she answers, blushing and squaring her shoulders.

"Well, I suppose we all make do," you say. "Carry on."
You look at Hogg
Cornelia Hogg is a weathered, wiry old woman with a sharp gleam in her eye. Her attention is entirely devoted to the papers she is reviewing while occasionally clucking her tongue. Hogg is dressed in a perfectly-tailored pin-striped pantsuit. Her brow is perpetually furrowed, and she has a thick head of silver hair.

The Gavinchian Rose, the object of your desire, is prominently displayed on her lapel. A pet grooming kit lies on her lap.
You examine papers
The papers are covered in dense tables of numbers and figures.
You read the papers
The papers are covered in dense tables of numbers and figures.

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You are carrying:
a glass of water
a suitcase, closed, containing a maintenance uniform, a waiter costume, a pet groomer costume, a professor costume, and a black and white feather

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear the waiter
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the waiter costume)
You take off the banker costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the waiter costume. Shirt, pants, and apron all go on quickly. You slightly compress yourself and mute your expressions. Inconspicuity emanates from you.

You are currently disguised with the waiter costume.

You close the suitcase.
Skip
You wait for the train to leave the tunnel.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

The Viscount turns and looks at your new disguise, then goes back to his magazine. He seems to be the only one who's noticed.
You take the grape
You grab the glass of grape juice from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.

The server stomps out of the room.
You pour the grape on the hat
You pour a tiny drop of liquid on the wide hat. The Viscount doesn't notice you, but nothing interesting happens, either.
You pour the grape on papers
You very gently spill one drop of the glass of grape juice on the papers. Nothing interesting happens.
You throw the grape at the hat
Futile.
You throw the grape at the papers
Futile.

An up-and-coming socialite enters the room and stands in awe of Ms. Hogg's presence. After trying to engage you all in small talk, the visitor leaves.
You throw the grape at Hogg
Tempting, but no.

You hear the whistle blow.
You pour the grape on the parrot
You dangle the glass of grape juice over Horus's head, cackling internally. Horus pecks at your hand, and you spill a bit on yourself. You retreat.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.

He looks at your costume again, shaking his head slightly.
You give the grape to the parrot
Horus takes a quick peck at the juice.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear groomer
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the pet groomer costume)
You take off the waiter costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the pet groomer costume. The clothing is simple, and the attitude is one of youth and enthusiasm.

You are currently disguised with the pet groomer costume.

You close the suitcase.

[Renewed topic for Cornelia Hogg - Introductions]

[Renewed topic for Beatrice - Greetings]

[Renewed topic for the Viscount - Familiar]
You say the greetings
You make a small bow towards the attendant. She looks your way but wrinkles her nose and turns back.
You say the introductions
"Good afternoon, Ms. Hogg."

Without looking up, she says, "Ah, finally. Give Horus a good filing, and be quick about it. I hope you're qualified. Horus is a bit of a beast."

She grabs a grooming kit from her lap, which she tosses on the floor.

"No problem, ma'am. I'm quite used to the company of unpleasant old birds. I'll get started right away!"
You take the kit
Taken.

The server stomps out of the room.
File talons
You have nothing to file with.

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.
Examine kit
This is a small, transparent plastic pouch.

In the grooming kit are some tweezers, an emery board, and a toy mouse.
You open the kit
You open the grooming kit.
You take the emery
Taken.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
Skip
You wait for the train to leave the tunnel.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

An up-and-coming socialite enters the room and stands in awe of Ms. Hogg's presence. After trying to engage you all in small talk, the visitor leaves.

You can hear the server stomping into the room, carrying a tray of drinks, although you cannot see him.
File talons
"If I may, your majesty," you say to Horus. You file the talons of Horus with panache. Horus squawks contentedly.
You show the mouse to Beatrice
(first taking the toy mouse)
You grab the mouse. Horus perks up. "The enemy! Send me forth to destroy the foul creature!"

The toy mouse pays no heed to Beatrice.

[New topic for the parrot - Destroy]
You say destroy
Horus leaps to the toy mouse and savages it before flying to his roost and dropping the mouse to the ground.

The server stomps out of the room.
You take mouse
You grab the mouse. Horus seems eager to play again.

[Renewed topic for the parrot - Destroy]
You put the mouse on the hat
You sidle up behind the Viscount and place the mouse on his hat before gliding away.

You hear the whistle blow.
You say destroy
Horus leaps into the air and descends on the Viscount with a screech.

The Viscount ducks, but Horus snags the mouse (and the hat) with his claws. He attacks until both are in shreds while the Viscount cries, "Off! Off!"

Beatrice shouts, "Horus! Get away from there!"

Hogg says, "Now, now, Beatrice, Horus needs his bit of fun. You don't need to carry on."

Beatrice sighs and gathers up the mouse and shreds of hat, giving the Viscount a strange look as she does so.

Now that you can see him more clearly, you recognize the so-called Viscount. It appears Beatrice recognizes the figure before you as well.

"Good heavens, it's Elizabeth Russell, the jewel thief! And what's worse," she shouts, "She was wearing a costume." Hogg looks
up, aghast, and Horus screeches. "Villain! Thief! Forger!" Beatrice advances menacingly.

Elizabeth starts to her feet. "Yes, I am Elizabeth Russell. And never have I been treated so poorly in my life! Attacked by this foul bird, covered in cheap spirits, almost overcome by heat, and especially pestered by this man!" she says, pointing at you. "When I steal from my marks, I expect luxury and comfort. Well, there's no luxury or comfort here!" she shouts before running out of the room to the south, slamming the door behind her.

There is a clang from the outer door opening, followed by a thud and rolling sound that quickly grows distant.

Beatrice huffs, saying, "And I specifically said that disguises are prohibited. The cheek!"

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.
Look around
You are in Cornelia Hogg's sumptuous private observation car. The room is dim now with the shades drawn, and the floor is covered in vivid chartreuse carpeting. A door to the south leads to freedom, once you're finished here.

Beatrice bustles in and out of the room constantly, keeping everything tidy and giving you frequent sidelong glances.

Hogg's pet parrot Horus is clinging to his perch, his box of crackers nearby.

Cornelia Hogg is poring over her papers, mumbling and making minor adjustments.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
Skip
You wait for the train to leave the tunnel.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.

You can hear the server stomping into the room, carrying a tray of drinks, although you cannot see him.
You take the vodka
You grab the glass of vodka from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.
You take the soda
You grab the glass of soda from the server's tray. He grunts in acknowledgment and continues to stare at the floor.
You pour the vodka in the soda
You pour the glass of vodka into the glass of soda. Everyone in the car watches you as you do it. It's quite loud. The server takes the empty glass and steps outside to refill the tray, before returning.

You've successfully created sparkling vodka. If it weren't for the cheap and frankly disgusting vodka used, it might be interesting. But it's not.

The server stomps out of the room.
You talk to the parrot
To speak with the parrot, choose a topic from below and SAY [the topic] TO THE PARROT.

Things to say to the parrot:
Destroy
Rhetoric
Music
Dance
Performance
Reject
Snack
Hello

The server stomps out of the room.
You say the music
Horus stretches tall and begins to sing a bespoke adaptation of The Charge of the Light Brigade. It seems it will go on for quite some time.

Wonderful. That should help mask the sound of your footsteps when you take the Rose.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.
Skip
You wait for a tunnel to darken the car.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You wear the waiter
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the waiter costume)
You take off the pet groomer costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the waiter costume. Shirt, pants, and apron all go on quickly. You slightly compress yourself and mute your expressions. Inconspicuity emanates from you.

You are currently disguised with the waiter costume.

You close the suitcase.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
Skip
You wait for a tunnel to darken the car.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

Horus stops singing and preens his feathers. He seems eager to sing again.

[Renewed topic for the parrot - Music]

It is now pitch dark in here!
You say the music
It's hard to tell who's here in the darkness with you. Better to wait.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
You say the music
Horus stretches tall and begins to sing a bespoke adaptation of The Charge of the Light Brigade. It seems it will go on for quite some time.

Wonderful. That should help mask the sound of your footsteps when you take the Rose.

You hear the whistle blow.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.

He looks at your costume again, shaking his head slightly.
You pour the vodka in the soda
You pour the glass of vodka into the glass of soda. Everyone in the car watches you as you do it. It's quite loud. The server takes the empty glass and steps outside to refill the tray, before returning.

You've successfully created sparkling vodka. If it weren't for the cheap and frankly disgusting vodka used, it might be interesting. But it's not.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
You give the soda to Beatrice
Beatrice shakes her head. "No thanks."

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The server stomps out of the room.

Horus stops singing and preens his feathers. He seems eager to sing again.

[Renewed topic for the parrot - Music]
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a sparkling vodka
an emery board
a grooming kit, open, containing some tweezers
a glass of grape juice
a glass of water
a suitcase, closed, containing a pet groomer costume, a banker costume, a maintenance uniform, a professor costume, and a black and white feather
You look at the vodka
Completely terrible.
You pour the vodka on paper
You very gently spill one drop of the sparkling vodka on the papers. Nothing interesting happens.
You give the water to Beatrice
Beatrice says, "No, thank you. The lavatory is at the other end of the train and I don't want to leave my post until we arrive."
You give the juice to Beatrice
Beatrice says, "No. My employer drinks so much of it that the smell of it has begun to sicken me."
Describe the surroundings
You are in Cornelia Hogg's sumptuous private observation car. The room is dim now with the shades drawn, and the floor is covered in vivid chartreuse carpeting. A door to the south leads to freedom, once you're finished here.

Beatrice bustles in and out of the room constantly, keeping everything tidy and giving you frequent sidelong glances.

Hogg's pet parrot Horus is clinging to his perch, his box of crackers nearby.

Cornelia Hogg is poring over her papers, mumbling and making minor adjustments.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray. Cornelia smacks her lips, glancing at the tray of drinks but not stopping her work or concentration.

He looks at your costume again, shaking his head slightly.
You give the juice to Hogg
Cornelia Hogg accepts the juice graciously, chugs it in one gulp, opens the lid of a bucket at her feet and smashes the glass into it before covering it again.

She seems less restless now. That should make it easier to grab the Rose.
You examine the bucket
Yes, that has been there all along. But it's not important.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
Skip
You wait for the train to leave the tunnel.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
You look at the server
The server is a dour and shaggy-headed young man bearing a tray full of drinks.

The server stomps out of the room.
You take Rose
You grab at the rose, but despite your most cautious efforts, your fingers brush Hogg's lapel. She looks up  and says, "Fresh!" before slapping you. She returns to her papers.

"Fresh!" cries Horus. You'll need something more delicate to remove it with.

Horus is deeply offended by your suspicious actions. He's glaring at you. A peace offering or two might be in order.
You take Rose with the tweezers
You grab at the rose, but despite your most cautious efforts, your fingers brush Hogg's lapel. She looks up  and says, "Fresh!" before slapping you. She returns to her papers.

"Fresh!" cries Horus. You'll need something more delicate to remove it with.

Horus is deeply offended by your suspicious actions. He's glaring at you. A peace offering or two might be in order.

An official-looking woman enters with a document for Hogg to sign. Hogg scrawls on the line without looking up and the woman leaves.
You take tweezers
Perfect! This should help keep Hogg from feeling you take the Rose.

Taken.
You take Rose with the tweezers
You use the tweezers to grab for the rose.

Cornelia Hogg recoils from you. "What is that distasteful odor? It smells like beef gravy."

"Distasteful odor!" cries Horus.

Horus is deeply offended by your suspicious actions. He's glaring at you. A peace offering or two might be in order.
You wear the banker
You open the suitcase a crack.

(first taking the banker costume)
You take off the waiter costume and put it in the suitcase, then pull out the banker costume. You tug on the suit in record time. You straighten your spine, put on a sardonic smile, and nudge every hair into place.

You can hear Cornelia Hogg sniffing.

"What is that pleasant odor?" she mutters.

Good. At least your smell won't disturb Ms. Hogg when you try to take the Rose.

You are currently disguised with the banker costume.

You close the suitcase.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
You take Rose with the tweezers
You use the tweezers to grab for the rose.

With your breath held, you delicately lift the Rose. Everything seems to pause. Then it's over, and you have it.

Finally! The Rose is yours! Now all that's left is to get out while you still can.

There is a murmur of voices in the outside corridor, but it subsides.

Horus is currently singing at the top of his lungs.

Horus stops singing and preens his feathers. He seems eager to sing again.

[Renewed topic for the parrot - Music]
You go south
You're still carrying the feather. It would be a shame not to drop your calling card.

The server stalks in, carrying his tray of drinks. He stands, slouched, staring at the floor, waiting for someone to grab a beverage. You can see quite a few drinks on the tray.
Skip
You wait for a tunnel to darken the car.

The train passes under a tunnel, plunging the room into darkness.

It is now pitch dark in here!
You drop the feather
You gently lay the feather next to Cornelia Hogg. Very nice.

You close the suitcase.

The train exits the tunnel, and sunlight filters weakly through the shades.
Go south
As you bow discreetly and make your exit, you are stopped by a squawk from Horus.

"Purloiner! Pincher! Poacher! Pickpocket!"

Cornelia Hogg finally looks up. "Horus, what is the matter?" She looks at Beatrice. "Is something going on?"

"Is something going on? You mean besides Horus destroying a hat, vodka spilled all over the car, the darkness, the heat, the weird smells? No, things are just fine, Miss Hogg. Just fine," says the attendant, rolling her eyes. She looks at you distractedly. "Have a nice day, sir," she tells you.

"Yes, yes, have a nice day," adds Hogg, going back to her papers.

"I assure you I will, madame." And with that, you make your exit.