The Guitar (The Lion Sleeps Tonight)
Jason B. Alonso
based on songs They Might Be Giants
%
The Deva Loka is locked in a fierce battle with the mind-controlling Sirens.

You are Lieutenant Commander Gruntik Hauror, though everyone just calls you "The Lion." The captain and first mate are largely to blame: they never refer to you as anything but "The Lion," even when giving orders to others. It's not an inaccurate nickname, as you are the only leonoid in a crew otherwise made entirely of canoids (and what a bunch of dogs they are). Your nickname isn't even disrespectful--a massive lion a full head taller than anyone else aboard the ship commands respect regardless of rank. Even so, you would appreciate hearing your rank once in a while.

Now, though, was not the time.

This is the bridge of the Alliance starship Deva Loka, in orbit around Earth.

You can see a Command Station, Flight Control, Operations Management, Tactical Control, Mission Operations, Captain Bok, Lieutenant Rynin, and Lieutenant Jeldysh here.
About yourself
A massive lion a full head taller than anyone else aboard the ship.

There is silence. In space.
You check your inventory
You are carrying nothing.

The FTL drive officers have resorted to barking. Their comm has been turned off.
You look at tactical
Tactical thinks tactically. Also, tactical takes care of communication both inside and outside the ship.

Lieutenant Rynin is stationed here.

Commander Bok turns to you and says "Lion! I need you to figure out how we fight these Sirens! Get us more information on them, maybe you can find an answer!"

A red light turns on at one of the unattended stations.
You ask tactical about Sirens
You can only do that to something animate.
You look up Sirens in tactical
You discover nothing of interest in Tactical Control.

You note that this is not one of those missions that end with everyone admiring the scenery out the window.
You look up sirens in the Mission
You discover nothing of interest in Mission Operations.

"That was close" barks Jeldysh.
You ask Jeldysh about Sirens
Their ships have better technology. But, I think we just happen to be in the way - they seem to be interested in the planet.

On the monitor, sparks can be seen in some far-away compartment
Look around
This is the bridge of the Alliance starship Deva Loka, in orbit around Earth.

You can see a Command Station, Flight Control, Operations Management, Tactical Control, Mission Operations, Captain Bok, Lieutenant Rynin, and Lieutenant Jeldysh here.

A red light turns on at one of the unattended stations.
You ask Rynin about Sirens
He's walking with the Sirens to the bridge sir. He appears to be... mind controlled. The Sirens are using him to disable our security. And.... he's singing sir. Singing!?

A red light turns on at one of the unattended stations.
You examine Station
This is where the captain sits.

Captain Bok is stationed here.

A red light turns on at one of the unattended stations.
You hit Rynin
Violence isn't the answer to this one.

Perhaps you should go to Mission Ops and try to look up sirens in the database?

The FTL drive officers have resorted to barking. Their comm has been turned off.
You look up Sirens in the Mission Ops
You discover nothing of interest in Mission Operations.

One of the subordinate officers has spilt their drink.
You look at the Mission Ops
Mission Ops is used to do research and coordinate mission specific information. This is where the computer's database console is located.

You may look up something in the database here.

The FTL drive officers have resorted to barking. Their comm has been turned off.
You look up Sirens in the database
You can only access the database while at Mission Ops.

There is silence. In space.
You go the Mission Ops
That's not something you can enter.

The ship rocks ominously from side to side.
You sit at the Mission Ops
You hurry over to Mission Operations.

Somewhere in the distance a bulkhead falls.
You look up Sirens in the database
A roughly humanoid, oxygen-breathing, carbon-based life form originating from Manzel. Their name for themselves, if rendered in the Latin alphabet utilized by a number of Terran cultures, is XnehÃ©zfÃ©mekx. See also siren etymology, siren history, cacophony, the chorus, and siren biology.

There is silence. In space.
You look up the siren biology in the database
Measures between 218 to 270 centimeters in height and weighs between 70 and 90 kilos. Locomotes and manipulates tools with four arrays of prehensile tentacles. Possesses thick, rubbery dermal substrates ranging from gray-green to blue-purple, covered in a fine layer of pale vibriassae extremely sensitive to changes in air pressure. Rudimentary eyespots permit awareness of light levels, and it has been proposed that their primary means of navigation is echolocation. At least four distinct auditory reception orifices have been identified, distributed in a radially symmetrical fashion. Eyewitness reports have compared the appearance of these sunken cavities to suppurating wounds as observed in Terran mammals. Respiratory anatomy appears to permit simultaneous intermission of gases from multiple orifices into multiple lung or lunglike structures, thus preventing these life forms from ever running out of breath. It has been proposed that a large portion of their muscular weight is devoted to their laryngeal anatomy, as they are capable of producing acoustic pressures in excess of 140 dB in a range from 16 to 16745 Hz. It has been proposed that they may possess a thoracic sac which allows them to generate such notably low frequencies, but although there are no external morphological indications to the contrary, this theory is unlikely to be proven by any means other than dissection.

There is silence. In space.
You look up the cacophony in the database
DISTINCT AUDITORY RECEPTION oOf course! The Sirens can't stand bad music!

Garage (in the band)
You're in the detached garage of your friend's small Cambridge home. It's a warm, sunny, clear day and the quiet makes it an ideal day for some practice. Around the garage is a garage door.

In the band you can see an amp, a mixer, a drum machine, Karl, Abby, and Pamela.

It's a warm summer day in Cambridge, Massachusetts and light is streaming in through the open garage door. It's the sort of day where the air would be full of the sounds of the melodious sounds of birds if you hadn't scared them all away with the cacophonous sound of guitars failing to harmonize. Your rock and roll band, Quazar Beam, is practicing again, much to the chagrin of the neighborhood. It's probably time to practice more.
Inventory
You are carrying:
your guitar
the violet phone
Practice
You encourage your band-mates to start practicing.

You hear your guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a sounds just like your standard screaming rock guitar. But it sounded awful when played with the others in the band just then.

You hear Karl's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a your typical screaming rock guitar. Maybe a bit too screaming in pain, but it doesn't seem to be the problem.

You hear Abby's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a you would expect it be punk. But it's really not.

You hear Pamela's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a unexpected. Very eerie and electronic but certainly not the problem.

That sounds horrible. Maybe you should check guitar players and equipment.
You examine the mixer
Bought at the Apple Store.

The mixer is currently switched on.
You examine the drum machine
So very 80s it hurts. Ah, nostalgia.

The drum machine is currently switched on.
You look at the amp
That amp Karl just got in a second hand shop. The brand is Unearthly Deharmonizer 11.

The amp is currently switched on.
Switch amp
You switch the amp off.
Practice
You encourage your band-mates to start practicing.

You hear your guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a sounds just like your standard screaming rock guitar. But it sounded awful when played with the others in the band just then.

You hear Karl's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a your typical screaming rock guitar. Maybe a bit too screaming in pain, but it doesn't seem to be the problem.

You hear Abby's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a you would expect it be punk. But it's really not.

You hear Pamela's guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Garage producing a unexpected. Very eerie and electronic but certainly not the problem.

Sounds fine. How could that have horrible amp have gotten there?

This is the bridge of the Alliance starship Deva Loka, in orbit around Earth.

You can see a Command Station, Flight Control, Operations Management, Tactical Control, Mission Operations, Lieutenant Rynin, and Lieutenant Jeldysh here.

The Sirens have boarded, and they are making their way through the ship. Deafening the crew with earplugs, loud noises, and anything else the medical team could think of didn't work: something in the Sirens' song can be heard and understood where the panicked barking of orders and warnings cannot.

What's worse, however, is that the captain and first officer left the bridge to serenade the Sirens with their abysmal musical skills. Your console showed the Sirens visibly wincing their crooning, but their song quickly overpowered your superiors.

The mangy dogs of this ship are in a panic. You should be in command, but the dogs can't hear you over their own howling and attempts at deafness. You do not bark orders: you are the Lion, and a lion can always manage to be heard...
Roar
"In the spaceship, the silver spaceship, the Lion takes
control."

You let out a tremendous roar, silencing all of the subordinates around you. Clearly, the Lion is now the Captain.

Now what to do? Rynin reports that the sirens are encroaching coming closer to the bridge. It appears that the mind-controlled Bok is with them, singing beautifully. You wince, fighting the urge to panic. Jeldysh brings you back to reality by reporting the ship is taking heavy fire and you need to find a solution now. You turn your attention to the planet below. Maybe a solution can be found there.

The ship rocks ominously from side to side.
You look up the Earth in the database
Earth formed approximately 4.54 billion years ago by accretion from the solar nebula, and life appeared on its surface within one billion years. The planet is home to millions of species, including humans. Earth's biosphere has significantly altered the atmosphere and other abiotic conditions on the planet, enabling the proliferation of aerobic organisms as well as the formation of the ozone layer which, together with Earth's magnetic field, blocks harmful solar radiation, permitting life on land.

There is silence. In space.
You sit at tactical
You hurry over to Tactical Control.

There is silence. In space.
You examine tactical
Tactical thinks tactically. Also, tactical takes care of communication both inside and outside the ship.

You and Lieutenant Rynin is stationed here.

Perhaps you should order someone to scan for bad music? Need "help" with giving orders?

You note that this is not one of those missions that end with everyone admiring the scenery out the window.
You scan for bad music
I could easily scan to find the least harmonious music on earth. Then we would need to contact them - I could patch you through to their comm.

That's it! That's the band you need.

Hey! Who's that playing the guitar?

"Well, I guess that explains it," you say, feeling a bit glum. "Maybe we'll be better now, but we could really use some inspiration." As if on cue, your phone begins to ring. Now whom have you lent it to?

Garage (in the band)
You're in the detached garage of your friend's small Cambridge home. It's a warm, sunny, clear day and the quiet makes it an ideal day for some practice. Around the garage is a garage door.

In the band you can see an amp, a mixer, a drum machine, Karl, Abby, and Pamela.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You listen
You hear nothing unexpected.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You answer the phone
(the violet phone)
It isn't ringing.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You open the phone
(the violet phone)
That's not something you can open.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You examine karl
Karl is thoroughly unremarkable.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You examine abby
Abby is rebelling against corporate life in the most conservative way possible. Her long hair is carefully groomed to look like it wasn't.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You examine Pamela
Pamela has been in many bands before and is the most experienced of the bunch. She happily goes along with all your great ideas, cringing only once.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You pick up the phone
Which do you mean, the white phone, the red phone, the blue phone, or the violet phone?
You look at the white phone
Upon inspecting the phone, you determine that it's actually Pamela's. It is not ringing.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You examine the red phone
Upon inspecting the phone, you determine that it's actually Karl's.
It is not ringing.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You examine the blue phone
It's your phone!
It is ringing.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.

Do you need a "hint"?
You answer the blue phone
You're not holding it.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You take the blue phone
That seems to belong to Pamela.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You ask Pamela for the blue phone
Pamela gives the blue phone to you.

You hear your phone ringing insistently.
You answer the blue phone
You answer the blue phone.

"Well, who is it?" asks Abby, annoyed.

"Um guys..." you stammer.

"The Lion's on the phone."

As soon as you answer the phone, the world seemed to dissolve around you, and suddenly you, your friends, and all your equipment is standing in what looks to be the set of the worst science fiction television show ever. Standing by the Captain's chair is a giant, humanoid lion. Not only that, he is talking. Not only is he talking, he is insulting you. "Quazar Beam", he bellows. "I have found one of the most cacophonous sounds on earth. To save the world, I need you to play as badly as possible." You stare. "Time is short", says the Lion. "You must hurry." Well, what else are you going to do?

Bridge (in the band)
This is the bridge of the Alliance starship Deva Loka, in orbit around Earth.

You can see a Command Station, Flight Control, Operations Management, Tactical Control, Mission Operations, Captain Hauror, Lieutenant Rynin, and Lieutenant Jeldysh here.

In the band you can see an amp, a mixer, a drum machine, Karl, Abby, and Pamela.

On the monitor, sparks can be seen in some far-away compartment
You turn on the amp
You switch the amp on.

There is silence. In space.
You play the guitar
You hear your guitar. Its notes echo loudly through Bridge producing a sounds just like your standard screaming rock guitar. But it sounded awful when played with the others in the band just then.

Somewhere in the background an alarm begins to honk.
Play
You begin to play your music, and it sounds horrible. The Sirens, leading a mindless horde of singing crew members, have entered the bridge in their terrifying chorus.

You and your band find yourselves swept into their song.

You burst into the eerie chant that is the Sirens' song, and you feel your fear melt away. Your garage, the ship, and the Lion are all but distant memories. The notes and rhythm rise and fall in what feels like inexorable harmony: like a song you can't get out of your head. The song is your world, and your world is this song. You sing it, and you sing with the thralls.

The Sirens, however, do not share your musical rapture. They writhe
in pain, fighting to sing, until at last one collapses onto the ground and starts to scream. The scream jolts you back to your senses as the other Sirens fall to the ground in cacophonous wails. The noise is so awful, you hope you never remember them.

Suddenly the Sirens are gone. Everyone slowly and cautiously takes their fingers out of their ears. "Thank you." says the Lion.

"In the spaceship, the silver spaceship, the Lion waves
goodbye."

"Wait!", you say. "What's going on? Are we safe now? What were those things? How does space travel work? And are our cats and dogs... well... " Before you can finish the bridge dissolves...

...and suddenly, you're home.

Garage (in the band)
You're in the detached garage of your friend's small Cambridge home. It's a warm, sunny, clear day and the quiet makes it an ideal day for some practice. Around the garage is a garage door.

In the band you can see an amp, a mixer, a drum machine, Karl, Abby, and Pamela.

Boston, four months later: In the center of the city, a new band is playing at the music festival. The sound is distinctly different: a prog rock for the modern era. The crowd, enraptured by the anthem-like melody of worry-free joy, joins in on the top song of the festival: The Sirens' Song. Passersby turn to look at the band they've never heard before.

Hey! Who's that playing the guitar?