The Day I came back
Marius Müller
hell parser walkthrough
Will the lovers be reunited after Alex fell beyond time and memory on Mercury in the last game? And who the hell is Marsha?
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SUBJECT NAME: Marsha Alyssheim AGE: 11 TAPE No.1

Therapist:
Do you know why you're in here, sweety?

Marsha:
Oh man, I had one of those back when I blew up my parents house.

Therapist:
A nervous breakdown?

Marsha:
A therapy session.

Therapist:
You never blew up your parents house, Marsha.Why don't you start at the beginning?

Marsha:
Well, I already told you how I travelled to Mercury to save my husband, and then died.

Therapist:
Yes, Marsha a colorful story, but...

Marsha:
And then I woke up in hell, only hell looked like our old house for some reason. And my husband's uncle, whom I hate, was there. It was very confusing. But it also was...

Garden Area (Actually hell)
Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).

A three-headed Cerberus sits atop the southern wall. That's new.

Wally floats around here.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying nothing.

"Hey Alex" says Uncle Wally. "How the hell have you been?"

"What is this? Where am I?"

"Hell, of course. You're gay, remember?"

"You mean I'm not here because I was a sociopath and killed a lot of people for base motives?"

"Could be. What do I know? I'm stuck here with you! It's my hell, too."
You ask Wally about Cerberus
"So what's the deal here? Are we doomed to be here for all eternity?" "Wouldn't make much of a game now would it?" Wally points a thumb at the house. "You can get to purgatory if you face the darkest scenes from your past in the house."

You roll your eyes. "What is this - Twine?"

"C'mon, I thought gays like talking about their feelings."

"I'm also a sociopath."

"Sorry, humans are solely defined by their sexual orientation."

"That's just sad."
You examine wally
Paul's Uncle Wally, who bears a striking resemblance to Stalin with his "stache and soldier's jacket, stands here.. He gives you a patronizing smile. Sadly, he doesn't have the knife sticking from his back, as you wish he would.
You examine Cerberus
It's a three-headed monstrosity, though somewhat cute The leftmost head growls and looks rather smart, the middle head spits fire and looks rather dumb, the third will read Twilight at anyone who comes to close as a warning, before switching to YouTube comments.
Look around
Garden Area (Actually hell)
Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).

A three-headed Cerberus sits atop the southern wall. That's new.

Wally floats around here.
You examine the faces
The undergrowth is just a mass of gibbering, screaming faces! You can't make out anything coherent. Aww, they remind you so much of grandma.
You ask Wally about Paul
"What keeps me from killing you, again?"

"I'm your spirit guide for this!" Wally floats over to the door and unlocks it. Great, your Vergil is a total ass.
You talk to Wally
"My past sucks! Why don't I just stay here?"

"You could, but there's nothing here to do except maybe grab a bone from the chairs and throw them at the Cerberus. He's gotten quite good at catching them, too."
You take the bone
You collect a single bone from one of the chairs. Sadly, it doesn't collapse.
You throw the bone at Cerberus
(the bone at Cerberus)
You toss the bone at Cerberus, and the middle, fire-breathing head catches it happily. The left head looks at it with contempt.
You go to the north
(first opening the glass door)
"Ah, remember how you broke your mothers favorite vase? How sad she was? Do you feel that - the first time your parents where disappointed in you? It wasn't the last time you disappointed them, was it? Do you think they'd still be disappointed in you? If only you could REASSEMBLE it, maybe you could make some peace with your past."

"Yeah, my parents pretty much sucked."

The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.

The shards of a broken vase lie on the kitchen counter.

Wally arrives from the south.
You look at the vase
Some of these look rather sharp.
You reassemble the vase
With tears in your eyes, you remember how angry mum was. Soon, you have reassembled the vase. You feel a little better.
You talk to Wally
"Hey, if Paul's not here that means he's not death, right? Or he's gone to heaven. Both good news."

"Yeah, my useless nephew escaped Mercury. He even took in that Venusian Warrior Woman from the last game. They share an apartment. But I don't think she's that good at cleaning. She'd need a real man to sort her out. Oh, yeah, and *mumble*
You hit Wally
You try to get at him, but you're hand goes right through him.
You go north
"Ah, this room is highly symbolic. See, your living room was once a busy and bustling center of this house. But in your memories, it's stale and empty. I wonder what that symbolizes?"

"Stuff a hyperlink in it. What's with the teddy?"

"Maybe you need to reconnect to your childhood? Try hugging it or something."

This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.

On one of the couches sits your old, childhood teddy bear.

Wally arrives from the south.
You examine the teddy
You used to love him, but that was a long time ago. After a while, he really got on your nerves and you switched to new toys and never looked back. You remember fondly how your violent tendencies first manifested around him.
You hug the teddy
You gather up the old teddy in your arms. His furs still feels kinda prickly and artificial. It reminds you of the feather boa of a cross-dresser you used to date in high school. Wait, these aren't childhood memories at all. Abort, abort you quietly think to yourself. He had the nicest clothes, though. "Hey, hey" says Uncle Wally, "stop stroking that teddy like that!"
With a sigh, you focus back on your childhood memories of your teddy. Good times. You feel a little better. The teddy disappears.
You go to the south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.

The beautiful vase your mother owned stands on the counter.

Wally arrives from the north.
Go north
This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.

Wally arrives from the south.
You go to the west
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of burning human skulls. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room")

Wally arrives from the east.
You enter
"Ah the nitro! Do you remember how you blew up your house and your sister broke her leg?"

"Yes, that was AWESOME!"

"Dude, she was in the hospital for months. She missed that ballet recital. Don't you feel the least bit guilty?"

"Now she's married to that doctor."

"A proctologist!"

"It's a useful profession. Do grow up, Wally."

"Torturing you isn't as much fun as I hoped."

Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.

On a shelf sits a vial of homemade Nitroglycerin.

Wally arrives from the outside.
You talk to Wally
"What?"
"Oh I said one of Frenesie's clones survived (she was the big bad from 2 games ago, remember?) and send an assassin after Paul."

"An assassin?"

"It's a person hired to kill others, but that's not important right now."

"My husband is gonna get killed? YES THAT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT!"

"Meh, you fags are all promiscuous anyway."
You take the nitro
Wally has better things to do.
Go outside
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of burning human skulls. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room")

Wally arrives from the inside.
Go upwards
Wally pats you on your back. "I feel like we've come a long way together, Alex. Now there is just one final step. You have to face what's possibly your worst memory."

"Dying?"

"No, the other one."

"Almost being eaten by a kraken?"

"No, your coming out, dammit!"

"Oh yeah, that kinda sucked."

"To forgive yourself, you have to forgive your dad. Why not give him a hug too, hm?"

This looks like a cheap 50s movie set. There's a lot of fog in the background, and the rocks and plants look somewhat shi- er- shoddy. Two prominent gravestones frame  the scene.

Your dad stands here, shotgun in the crook of his arm, watching your younger self dig.

Your younger self, 17 or 18, stands here, digging his own grave. He seems unperturbed and even whistles a merry tune.

Wally arrives from below.
You hug the self
(your younger self)
The scene is almost insubstantial. It's odd, you don't remember clearly what happened. Only that you escaped somehow. Maybe the things here can make you remember?
You look at the gravestones
Which do you mean, Vonathan Vask's gravestone or The gravestone of parser based IF?
Parser
It reads "1975-2007".
You look at Vask
It reads "Vonathan Vask - good riddance!" It looks rather light, too.
You take Vask
No, you are past your violent tendencies.
Punch dad
The scene is almost insubstantial. It's odd, you don't remember clearly what happened. Only that you escaped somehow.
You hug Dad
You give your confused father a big old hug.

"I'm sorry, Dad, I'm so sorry for everything I said and did..."

He pats you on the back. "It's okay, son, it's okay. I'm so glad you came around to my point of view in the end."

You hold him some more for an answer.

"No, really, dad. You were right all... all along. I'll go to reassignment camp."
You go north
(first opening the glass door)
It seems to be locked.

"Hey Alex" says Uncle Wally. "How the hell have you been?"

"What is this? Where am I?"

"Hell, of course. You're gay, remember?"

"You mean I'm not here because I was a sociopath and killed a lot of people for base motives?"

"Could be. What do I know? I'm stuck here with you! It's my hell, too."
You talk to Wally
"So what's the deal here? Are we doomed to be here for all eternity?" "Wouldn't make much of a game now would it?" Wally points a thumb at the house. "You can get to purgatory if you face the darkest scenes from your past in the house."

You roll your eyes. "What is this - Twine?"

"C'mon, I thought gays like talking about their feelings."

"I'm also a sociopath."

"Sorry, humans are solely defined by their sexual orientation."

"That's just sad."
Keep going
(the bone)
You already have that.
You go to the north
(first opening the glass door)

The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.

The shards of a broken vase lie on the kitchen counter.

Wally arrives from the south.
You take the vase
You scramble through the shards with your fingers and select a particularly sharp one. Might come in handy. The rest of the shards disappear.

"You failed the first task" says Wally, "better restore."
You go north
"Ah, this room is highly symbolic. See, your living room was once a busy and bustling center of this house. But in your memories, it's stale and empty. I wonder what that symbolizes?"

"Stuff a hyperlink in it. What's with the teddy?"

"Maybe you need to reconnect to your childhood? Try hugging it or something."

This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.

On one of the couches sits your old, childhood teddy bear.

Wally arrives from the south.
You talk to Wally
"So, when I go through purgatory, can I be reincarnated and stop the assassin?"

"Hey, you've just outrageously mixed up world religions."

"So...yes?"

Wally sighs, then shrugs. "Dunno, maybe."
You examine the teddy
You used to love him, but that was a long time ago. After a while, he really got on your nerves and you switched to new toys and never looked back. You remember fondly how your violent tendencies first manifested around him.
You cut the teddy
Angrily, you rip into the teddies belly and after a minute or so of happy tearing and cutting have it reduced to a heap of sawdust.

"Hey!" says Wally, "what's with the violence? Do you think of this as healthy behavior?"

"It is for me."
You look around
This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.

Wally floats around here.
Up
Wally shakes his head, holding you back. "You can't go up there. You are not ready yet."
You enter
"Ah the nitro! Do you remember how you blew up your house and your sister broke her leg?"

"Yes, that was AWESOME!"

"Dude, she was in the hospital for months. She missed that ballet recital. Don't you feel the least bit guilty?"

"Now she's married to that doctor."

"A proctologist!"

"It's a useful profession. Do grow up, Wally."

"Torturing you isn't as much fun as I hoped."

Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.

On a shelf sits a vial of homemade Nitroglycerin.

Wally arrives from the outside.
You talk to Wally
"I'm all out of things to say." Wally crosses his arms. "Compelling NPC my ass."
Go inside
Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.

On a shelf sits a vial of homemade Nitroglycerin.

Wally arrives from the outside.
Inventory
You are carrying:
some Sawdust
a shard
a bone
You examine the bone
A single bone. Looks human.
You look at the shard
A single, very sharp shard.
You put the sawdust in the nitro
The time at that Republic of Texas camp really pays off. You've created some dynamite. Neat.

"Hey" says Wally, "that's not how that was supposed to go at all."

"Now that I've made some explosives,I feel I can go anywhere I like."
You take the dynamite
You already have that.
You examine the dynamite
A vial of home made dynamite. Paul would be proud, he always told you to try a creative hobby.
Up
"You're not ready!" says Wally. "Yeah," you say, "but I have this!" You show him the dynamite.

"I don't understand? How is that helpful on a quest to forgive yourself?"

"Well, I can blow stuff up and that gives me confidence."

Wally just shakes his head.

This looks like a cheap 50s movie set. There's a lot of fog in the background, and the rocks and plants look somewhat shi- er- shoddy. Two prominent gravestones frame  the scene.

Your dad stands here, shotgun in the crook of his arm, watching your younger self dig.

Your younger self, 17 or 18, stands here, digging his own grave. He seems unperturbed and even whistles a merry tune.

Wally arrives from below.
You examine dad
Mum was accepting, but as he marched you on the field that day you had some small inkling he might be less than happy.
You cut dad
The scene is almost insubstantial. It's odd, you don't remember clearly what happened. Only that you escaped somehow.
Inventory
You are carrying:
dynamite
a shard
a bone
Light dynamite
This dangerous act would achieve little.
You take the gravestone
Which do you mean, Vonathan Vask's gravestone or The gravestone of parser based IF?
You take Vask
You heave it high over your head!
You throw the gravestone
(Vonathan Vask's gravestone)
The insubstantiality returns.

Dropped.
You throw Vask at Dad
BONK!

Patricide - never gets old, does it?

Young you looks at you. "Hey, thanks man!"

"Don't mention it."

He narrows his eyes at you quizzically. "Hey, are you me from the future or something?"

"Or something. It's really complicated."

"It's really not!" shouts Wally from the background. "You're just a figment of his imagination, well not his, but this place's, well, a place obviously can't have an imagination, so er..."

"Complicated. Moving along."

"So, you're me at forty, eh?"

"Thirty-five" you say, somewhat hurt. Maybe you should look at that skin cream Paul always wants you to wear. Once you're alive again, that is.

"And is it worth it? All this trouble I mean?"

Your play around with the wedding ring on your finger for a moment. "Sure. Just hang in there."

Young you nods, then begins to fade, "Oh!" he says, slapping his forehead, "I nearly forgot! They key to the cart, it's in your heart!"

"Thanks!" you say, slightly confused.
You look around
This looks like a cheap 50s movie set. There's a lot of fog in the background, and the rocks and plants look somewhat shi- er- shoddy. One prominent gravestone frames  the scene.

Wally floats around here.
You take the heart
That seems to be a part of yourself.
You cut heart
You slice into your chest, and what do you know - the key *was* in your heart all along!
Down
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of burning human skulls. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room")

Wally arrives from above.
Go east
This is a spacious, cozy room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. In hell, all that's left are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.

Wally arrives from the west.
You go south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are empty.

Wally arrives from the north.
Go south
Garden Area (Actually hell)
Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).

A three-headed Cerberus sits atop the southern wall. That's getting old.

Wally arrives from the north.
You look around
Garden Area (Actually hell)
Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).

Wally floats around here.

A three-headed Cerberus sits atop the southern wall. That's getting old.
You throw the dynamite at Cerberus
The fire breathing head deftly catches the dynamite in its mouth! The left head gives him a condescending look before the whole hellhound explodes! Wally tries to dodge a huge chunk, but stumbles and falls, flailing, into the acid! He slowly dissolves, like all bigotry might do over time, hopefully.

He bubbles something through mouthfuls of acid that sounds like : "I'll be back!"
Look around
Garden Area (Actually hell)
Paul's Parents were rather fond of this small pool. In their time, it wasn't filled with bubbling green acid, though. It is surrounded by some deck chair (made of bones). The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, made of screaming faces, which is quite distracting. A glass door leads north to the kitchen. This wasn't necessary for the southern southern wall, which is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Well, it did on Earth. Who knows what horrors await you beyond? Well, Wally might).
You climb the wall
You scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn of human fingers neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.

You can see Golf cart (closed) here.
You open the cart
It seems to be locked.
You open the cart with the key
You unlock Golf cart.
You open the cart
You open Golf cart.
Kiss cart
Keep your mind on the game.
You enter the cart
You get into Golf cart.
Go east
Hilltop (in Golf cart)
You are on top of one of the innumberable volcanic mounds of the hellish golf course. Volcanic hills, where the souls of the damned are tortured, strech into infinity. The only interesting part seems to be a huge gate to the ne.
You go to the north-east
At the Gate (in Golf cart)
There is a huge, golden gate before you. It is very securely locked with a huge padlock.
You examine padlock
Hm, you'd wager that Wally had the only key to that gate. Looks like you'll be stuck in hell forever. (Hint : You aren't.)
Go north
(first opening Golden Gate)
You step on it and the golf cart speeds up to a breakneck 30 miles an hour! You crash through the gate easily, and speed along a foggy road towards a white light. A woman waves to you from the wayside eagerly. "STOP! COME BACK! I represent your mother issues!"

But you can't stop, you're racing towards reincarnation, to maybe save your husband, and you step on it eagerly and then the white light surrounds you and ...

Paul's face is the size of Mount Rushmore, his eyes the size of tunnel openings, if tunnel openings came in a dreamy green.

The world seems oddly  compoundy, and there's a buzzing in your ears.

After a few moments of disorientation, you realize you are in a gargantuan plane cabin, or you are very small. For the latter theory speaks the fact that right before you, there's Paul, his face the size of Mount Rushmore, his eyes the size of tunnel openings, if tunnel openings came in a dreamy green.

Right next to him sits a guy in a black suit with a thin, ginger moustache. That must be the assassin allright. You could fly over there, to the east, or fly down Paul.
About yourself
You are a normal housefly! Must be all the bad karma you accumulated for killing dozens of people and lying about liking all Paul's nerd stuff.
Go east
The guy has an evil face. He also doesn't seem to notice you.
Go down
You see the Assassin lean over to Paul, and his hands moves over your husband's coffee for a moment. He says "Excuse me, can I borrow that in-flight manual for a moment?"

"Sure" comes the voice of Paul, which sends a tingle down your spine, er , exoskeleton? Just as romantic.

You hear a distinct *plink*. Then the assassin pulls back with the magazine.
Go west
You can see that Paul still has that "Cheerleader of Dementia" shirt you got him. Stretches a bit now, though. Well, he always was a stress eater.

Paul holds a coffee mug the size of a roundabout in his hands. Black, no sugar.
You enter the coffee
You dive headfirst into the coffee! Maybe you will be reborn as something more useful.

Hope burns hotter than the coffee, hope that Paul will see you. He always drinks too fast and then get these cute hiccups.

And as a white light surrounds you, you can see his gargantuan face above you, twisted into a grimace of disgust. "Ugh, a fly has drowned itself in my coffee." You see the assassin look over, gnashing his teeth. "That so?"

It is pitch dark, and you can't see a thing.
East
You'll have to get out of the toilet bag first.
You open the bag
You're most definitely not the fly anymore. As you look down at the paws with which you opened the bag just now, you realize you are the rat you and Paul rescued on Mercury in the last game.

Leg Area (in the toilet bag)
You can see Paul's feet here. He's wearing Chucks and has still not learned not to wear white socks.
Go outside
You get out of the toilet bag.

You can see Paul's feet here. He's wearing Chucks and has still not learned not to wear white socks.

Paul's toilet bag sits here. It looks very heavy when you're this small.
You look in the bag
The toilet bag is empty.
Go east
Leg Area (East)
You can see the assassins feet here. He wears black loafers with matching socks.

The fearsome snake stares at you.
Bite snake
The mercurian rat is not really a fighter. The constant diet of cheese, bacon and treats you got at Paul and -er- your home have done the rest. A pretty long thought, considering the snake just bit you and poisoned you to death.
You go to the west
You can see Paul's feet here. He's wearing Chucks and has still not learned not to wear white socks.

Paul's toilet bag sits here. It looks very heavy when you're this small.
You take the bag
Damn! Forgot to make it fixed in place. I wonder what else I forgot to make untakable.

Taken.
Go east
Leg Area (East)
You can see the assassins feet here. He wears black loafers with matching socks.

The fearsome snake stares at you.
You put snake in the bag
(first taking the snake)

Hey, that isn't supposed to work!

There!

Now you only need to find a way to warn Paul not to open his bag before the landing. You really need to find a way to communicate. That's what your therapist always said, too.

Then Paul's foot comes down and flattens the toilet bag accidentally. Ouch, poor snake. But before you can wonder, there is white light and ...

Row 54 (on the seat)
This is a standard row of seats. Somebody (presumably your mother) is yapping on about something.

Two rows up from you, you can see Paul and the Assassin, seated side by side.
About you
Hm, looks like you're now an 11-year old girl in a polkadot dress. You're not sure this is how reincarnation is supposed to work.

Staring intently at them, you can see the assassin pull something that looks vaguely like a full-polymer Glock 7, caliber .308,  using octagonal polygonal rifling rather than the hexagonal shaped bores used for models in other chamberings. It has a 8 round magazine and is fitted with a full-plastic third party silencer, possibly made by Fischer-Dieskau.
You go to the east
(first getting off the seat)
You struggle against your seatbelt for a moment. "Ssshh" says your mum. "Don't make a fuss, dear."

You'll have to get off the seat first.

The assassin motions for Paul to get up, and he does so, sweat on his brow.
You open the seatbelt
You finally manage to unstrap the seat belt!

They disappear towards the rear of the plane.
You go east
(first getting off the seat)

You are in a long aisle of plane seats with people in them, all alike. You could go fore and find a blocked cockpit door with no way through, so spare us both the trouble and go aft.
Aft
You stand here next to Paul's seat. You can still smell his perfurme, but the memory doesn't work so well, because smell memory is really linked to brain chemistry, though your thoughts are in this girl's head, so it's a-okay, but you know, it lacks the punch.
The seats are empty.
You look under the seat
Oh! There's Paul's toilet bag. Seems to contain some fluid. You take it with you, he'll probably need his tissues when he sees you again, that big cuddly crybaby. (You miss him a lot).
Aft
Ugh! There's a door leading to the toilets, and a door leading to the cargo, into the fuselage. There are a lot of cupboards here for the board crew. One of them helpfully reads "Keys".
You open the keys
You slide open the compartment, there is a terrible screeching of metal and you are buried under a heap of keys. Oh dear!

You open the Key cupboard.
You take keys
(a huge pile of keys)
That would take time you don't have.
You count the keys
(a huge pile of keys)
There are 69.105 of them! Oh no, how are you gonna sort through them in time? Before the assassin kills Paul, back in the cargo? You try to bite back some tears bravely.

Suddenly, a man appears from the cabin. He has glasses, a moustache and a friendly face.

"Mister can you help me? I need to find the key to the cargo and quick, my husb- er daddy is in there."

"Oh, that's easy. He squats down and seems to sort through the keys in no time, before handing you the unique one. With a wink, he disappears back into the cabin.
You unlock door with Key
Which do you mean, the Cargo door or the toilet door?
Cargo
(the unique key)
You unlock the Cargo door.
You go west
(first opening the toilet door)
It is locked.
You open cargo door
You slide the cargo door open far enough for you to slip through. At the other end of the bay, the assassin has just stepped back from the bay door, which is opening slowly. His gun aims in Paul's general direction, who stand stockstill, while the wind from the bay door tousles his hair. "Well, this is it" says the assassin, "no hard feelings, eh?"

You open the Cargo door.
You open the toilet door
It is locked.
You unlock the toilet door with Key
(the unique key)
That doesn't seem to fit the lock.
You enter the cargo
Here, towards the rear of the plane, the engines roar deafeningly, aided by the open cargo bay, through which the wind howls loudly. There are boxes strapped to the wall and ground, but not much else of interest here.

Well, maybe apart from the golf cart, which is kind of prominent.

Paul and the assassin stand here, facing each other near the cargo bay to the north.

"So" says Paul, (who has some experience with stalling killers), "are you a fan of Harry Potter?"
You examine cart
It seems to be the same make and model you used to drive into Paul's pool. Aw, fond memories. You wonder where Paul is taking it and why. It isn't even locked or anything, key in the ignition.
At least, one of the back wheels is wedged.

"Are you trying to play for time? Nobody's gonna save you."
You take the wedge
You pull with all your might, but it won't budge. Being an 11-year old girl sure has its downsides.

"No, it's just that I'm up to the sixth book, and if you knew it you could tell me"
You open the bag
You open the toilet bag, revealing Snake oil.

"I don't know it"
"Ah, too bad. Maybe I should've watched the movies."
Oil wedge
You give the wedge a quick but thorough oiling.

"Maybe. I've heard they've cut out quite a bit."
You take the wedge
Taken.

"Should've listened to the audio books. They're read by Jim Dale, I think."
You pull the wedge
It is fixed in place.

"Are you sure, I thought it was that guy from QI."
You enter the cart
You get into Golf cart.
Go north
You sneak into the golf cart, turn the key and put it into gear. Before you, the assassin is getting impatient.

"Any last words and all that jazz?"

"Well", Paul swallows, "I once was a married man."

"I won't put flowers on your wife's grave or anything like that."

"HEY BUDDY" you shout, though it comes out as a shriek, "HETERONARMITIFY THIS!"

against the assassin and topple him screaming into the blue abyss. For a frightful second, the cart slides towards the edge, but Paul graps you at the last moment. He holds you on his arm and stares at you in wonder. "You are a strange little girl, aren't you?"

"I hope that cart didn't land on anyone" you say, because it's the sort of thing that Paul cares about. He carefully peers over the edge. "Oh well, it landed on the headquarter of the WBC." You both sigh in relief. "Can you let me down, I have something to tell you."

"Sure." Paul carefully lets you down and pushes the close button on the cargo door. "So, um, Paul, it's me! Alex. I was reincarnated."

Paul blinks.

"I was the fly...and then for a moment our rat...and now I'm this girl."

Paul blinks.

"I know it sounds crazy!"

"Do you think the author is aware of the unfortunate implications of this?"

"Maybe he thinks everyone who thought of this as anything but a comedy setup is an asshole?"

"Good point, dear." He squeezes your shoulder. "Glad to have you back." You nod bravely. There is a moment of bliss.

"So tell me..." he begins, but at that moment the cabin door crashes open and the Sky Marshall storms in.

"Is this girl your daughter, sir?"

"Of course not" says Paul, hurt, "we're married."

Both their faces falter at about the same time.