Madrigals of War and Love
Jason Dyer
IntroComp 2002
About yourself
You tend to think of yourself, Thomas Smith, as an adventurer of sorts, slaying foul beasts and rescuing maidens and so forth, and imagine yourself as good-looking accordingly. Since the "adventurer" bit is imaginary so of course is the "good-looking". You've practiced hard at the mirror various poses and gestures for causing women to swoon but you lack what Frodo calls the Alpha Male Aura.
You look at the trees
They've been poking out at you ever since you reached northern Arizona. The lack of cacti has made you feel inadequate and less versed in the geography hereabouts than you originally thought.
Go north
It's of the topiaries-with-gratuitous-flowers variety, filled to the brim with creatures that stalk and bound and chase, all in vivid grasslike renditions. The flowers are single file and wind about in circles, like a Spirograph gone awry. There's an oversized gazebo to the west, and imposing brick walls delineate paths to the north and northeast.

Frodo is here. He looks glum. (That's "Frodo" your friend Horace, not the hobbit. Silly nickname from college, your idea, and to repay the compliment he started calling you "Merry".)

[1] Frodo! Why the glum face?
[2] Good afternoon to you, you goober. What mischief have you been up to now?
[3] Hey, Frodo, congrats on the wedding. A week from now isn't it?
[4] Greetings, Earthling. I come in peace. I am on a survey mission and must have all your delicious pastries.
[5] Hi.
1
He notices himself, and makes an awkward attempt to noodle with his cheek muscles before responding.

"Let me prod at you first, Merry. How have you been?"

[1] Fine.
[2] Except for being abducted by aliens last week, quite chipper.
[3] Taxicab drive was terrible. The driver kept going on about Bruce Willis.
3
Frodo asks, "Who is Bruce Willis?"

"Never mind," you say.

Frodo says, "Well, I might as well get to my dilemma. Remember my prior problem with the horses?"

[1] You mean when you got so addicted you spent $50 of my OWN MONEY on a horse that placed last?
[2] Of course.
[3] (Lie) Not really.
1
Frodo looks hurt. "Now, now, I paid you back --"

Frodo continues, "I'm past all that, although every once in a while I might *glance* and see how certain ponies are doing. Well, Mr. Jarvis had heard about my little addiction and of course I explained how I was much more mature now--"

(Snicker.)

"--and he ranted about how he was making sure his daughter was marrying someone decent and if he so much as sniffed trouble the wedding would be off. Izzy's not the eloping type, she insists it has to be a wedding. So, here comes the problem..."

[1] (Uh oh.)
[2] (If Frodo was the weather, the forecasters would all retire.)
[3] (Lie) (I'm sure it's nothing too bad.)
2
"...yesterday when I was over I used the computer in the den to browse a few websites. I checked one that I only look at on extremely rare occasions but once in a while for old time's sake and quite accidentally found myself using the 'Add Bookmark' function and I only remembered after I left and Izzy's father locked it up again. He's paranoid about people stealing things, you know."

[1] So basically, you're saying you left evidence of your very-rare glance at the horse race sheets on your father-in-law's computer and you want me to help you destroy said evidence?
[2] Why do you do this to yourself, Frodo?
[3] I see you have a harebraned scheme hatching. I've had enough of those. I'm out. I'm sworn off since last Tuesday.
2
Frodo says, "To make a long story short, I need to erase my little computer mistake and I need your help."

Frodo asks, "So what do you say, old friend? Help a chum in distress?"

[1] Yes.
[2] (Lie) No.
2
You twinge slightly at saying the word. It goes against the Code, after all, but fortunately Frodo either isn't convinced or didn't hear you very well:

Frodo says, "Good, good. Now, of course it would be easy if I could get in now, but the rub is I won't be able to get the key until tonight after the party has started, and then I'll be busy keeping up appearances. So a short time after the party begins I'll slip you the key and you can come up with an excuse to skip off, head to the den, do the deed, and come back. The den is the first room at the top of the stairs. Simple, right?

[1] (Lie) Yes, your schemes always have an elegant simplicity to them. [2] (Lie) Yes, I'm sure absolutely nothing will go wrong.
2
"Excellent! I'll see you in four hours."

Ah yes, absolutely nothing will go wrong.

The Jarvises have invested as much in lighting as in architectural nuance, for there is nary a nook or cranny in this gazebo -- or the entire grounds -- that is unlit. You can't make out much roof detail through all the glare, compounded by a jostling from one of the pairs of dancers skittering across the floor to the accompaniment of new-age polka. The support pillars look nice, though, they've got a twirling spiral pattern to them and you run your eyes back and forth over the edges to pass the time. Going east will get you back to the garden.

Where is that old reprobate Frodo anyway?

On cue, you feel a poke at your back as he whispers in your ear "Big trouble, old boy. I poked around the kitchen for the key after dinner was over but my wonderfully paranoid in-law has picked a new hiding spot. It used to be on the bottom of the cookie tin. You'll have to find it yourself. I can't stay away any longer, elsewise I'm sure to get a good thrashing."

[1] You're positively absolutely certain you checked very carefully? [2] Phone psychics would have such an easy time with you.
[3] Right then.
1
"Yes, I triple checked, the key isn't in there," Frodo says. "You might try his ceramics, sometimes he stuffs knickknacks in there."

Your conversation is interrupted as Mrs. Jarvis floats nearby. "Horace, dear, I've been looking all over for you, we're going to set up the table soon for a game of dominoes. Won't that be nice? Now, come along..." and the rest is obscured as Mrs. Jarvis pulls Frodo by the arm into the crowd. He waves backward and mouths "Good luck."
Go east
Right then! Onward to glor--

You stifle a gasp as the crowds part to reveal the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. The green eyes, the delicate loose-hanging brown hair which sits tenderly on her shoulders, and she wears a gown of deep blue with a bow...

And while you are distracted you ignominiously trip over a stray foot and tumble to the floor. Ow.

Oversized Gazebo, on the floor
Dancers flit about the well-lit floor here in partial rhythm to what may or may not be polka music. Going east will get you back to the garden.

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World is here.
You look at Woman
She is beyond description.
You talk to Woman
You approach. "Hello, I'm Thomas. And you are?"

She turns to you. Her eyes glimmer like stars. "Clara. Clara Anderson."

[1] It is a great pleasure to meet you.
[2] You have the most beautiful eyes.
[3] Poets would fail if they attempted to describe your exquisite beauty, composers would be helpless trying to compose serenades to your honor, painters would throw down their brushes in despair when they fail to capture your perfection.
3
So many possible opening lines, which would be best? You prepare yourself, take a deep breath, and say:

"Grm grumgrm."

"What was that again?" Clara asks. She tilts her head, causing her hair to fall at an angle that glints in the light.

[1] My apologies, I was going to comment on how lovely you were but words failed me momentarily.
[2] You have the most beautiful eyes.
[3] I would travel the seas and the rivers for you, the mountains and the forests, the deserts and the swamps, no destination too far, no summit too unreachable.
3
"Magumum murmerm grm. Grm lim mimamum."

She smiles a moment -- ah, her lovely teeth! -- and says, "It was very nice meeting you, Thomas." -- and she turns and walks into the crowd and the dancers swirl in front of your vision and you have images of roses, ever so briefly.
You describe your surroundings
Oversized Gazebo, on the floor
Dancers flit about the well-lit floor here in partial rhythm to what may or may not be polka music. Going east will get you back to the garden.
You go east
Well, duty calls. You spare one last look at the crowd to see if you can see Clara -- there? no, she is gone for now, and there's work to do. Alas.

You trudge onward to...

It's of the topiaries-with-gratuitous-flowers variety, filled to the brim with creatures that stalk and bound and chase, all in vivid grasslike renditions. The flowers are single file and wind about in circles, like a Spirograph gone awry. There's an oversized gazebo to the west, and imposing brick walls delineate paths to the north and northeast.

[At the moment imagine any continuation you like.]