House
Karona
conversation first person multiple endings parser romance single room Spring Thing 2018 Spring Thing Game TADS TADS 3 tomato surprise
A conversation about the trajectory of a relationship lies at the center of this one-room work.
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Enter "P" for the prologue (used as the blurb for Spring Thing 2018).

Enter "A" for helpful information about the game, including its uncommon
commands.

Enter "O" for display options.

Enter any other key to start.
P.
My hand trembled while I reached for the door knob of the house.
After having
fled without notice it was only natural that my wife would be upset, so I came
prepared to reassure her. But I suspected she would not find my reassurances
to be enough, and where would that leave us?



Enter "P" for the prologue (used as the blurb for Spring Thing 2018).

Enter "A" for helpful information about the game, including its uncommon
commands.

Enter "O" for display options.

Enter any other key to start.
You look around
A ABOUT: A
ASK FOR: A FOR
ASK IF: A IF
ASK HOW: A HOW
ASK WHAT: A WHAT
ASK WHERE: A WHERE
ASK WHETHER: A WHETHER
ASK WHO: A WHO
ASK WHY: A WHY
TELL ABOUT: T

2. Observing and Interacting with the Environment

To examine the game world you will make extensive use of this command:

The command can be abbreviated like this:

useful:

LOOK OUT
LOOK THROUGH
LOOK UNDER
FEEL

Other commands you can use include the following:

SOUTH

3. Remembering

While playing the game, the protagonist will retrieve memories. If you use the
command MEMORIES, you might see a list that looks something like this:



like this:

But that requires a lot of typing. Fortunately the game allows the endings of
words in memory titles to be trimmed down to a single letter. Spaces and the
words "a", "an", and "the" can be omitted entirely. Thus the command above can
be abbreviated in any of the following ways:

REMEMBER WAB

4. Reaching an End

The bulk of this game consists of solving a single puzzle. The final act will
begin only when the player enters one of several commands that indicates that
the player has to a significant extent gained an understanding of the situation
the protagonist is in. Clues come in various forms, and different players will
find the solution to the puzzle in different ways.

The game has two possible endings.

in knowing that additional clues can be gained by using the HINT command.

scale developed by Andrew Plotkin, call a "merciful" work, meaning that it is
not possible to die or enter into an unwinnable state. So if you think of a
command to try, why not try it?

5. Viewing the Credits

I have saved my favorite command for last. To see the generous people who have
helped me make this game enter CREDITS.



Enter "P" for the prologue (used as the blurb for Spring Thing 2018).

Enter "A" for helpful information about the game, including its uncommon
commands.

Enter "O" for display options.

Enter any other key to start.
O.
Enter "I" if you prefer to see italic emphasis (e.g.,
emphasis).

Enter "N" if you prefer no emphasis (e.g., emphasis).

Enter any other key if you prefer bold emphasis (e.g.,
emphasis).
You check your inventory
Version 1.0

Enter "P" for the prologue (used as the blurb for Spring Thing 2018).

Enter "A" for helpful information about the game, including its uncommon
commands.

Enter "O" for display options.

Enter any other key to start.
House
Upon returning to the house I took off my hard hat, and I found that everything
was exactly as I had left it. The bed was centered beneath the north facing
window. The fireplace was set in the southern wall, as was the door I had
entered.

Leah was standing in the middle of the room. Her eyes were red, and there were
mascara trails on her cheeks. Seeing her, I knew that before the night was
over I would have an answer to the question that had been weighing on my mind:
After making a house with Leah, did I still have a home?

"Hello," Leah said, choking up. "You're back."
You look at leah
Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
her surroundings were immersed in darkness.

Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about being miserable, myself (Ayumu), Leah, Leah's feet,
feeling, doing, leaving or returning.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about remembering, myself (Ayumu), Leah's dad, being
miserable, Leah, feeling, doing, leaving or returning.
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:
About yourself
I could not see myself while having nothing to provide a reflection, but in my
mind's eye I saw Ayumu, a man who was taller than Leah and who had darker skin.
I was wearing a construction worker's uniform and socks.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, remembering, being miserable, Leah, the
discovery, leaving, feeling, myself (Ayumu), returning or doing.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, remembering, being miserable, Leah, the
discovery, feeling, myself (Ayumu), returning or doing.
You remember
What do you want to remember?
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:
You remember the booc
When I arrived at the club, I was reluctant to step onto the dance floor. But
everything changed when "Wave of Mutilation" began to play. It was then that I
heard a voice say, "Oh my god, you have to come and dance with me!" Suddenly a
hand was pulling me towards the middle of the club, but I would not be moved.
I turned towards the origin of the voice and felt so at ease with the girl I
had just set my eyes on it was like I had known her for years.

"I'm confused," I said. "You want to dance with me?"

Leah replied, "Are there any other 'you's?" Still not budging, I asked, "Why do
we have to dance?"

"Because the Pixies are playing, and you look really cool," was the answer I
got.

"How can I argue with that logic?"

"What?" she asked. "It's hard to hear you; the place is packed." But it felt
like she and I were the only two people in the room. So I followed her onto
the dance floor, and after meeting her for the first time I never looked back .
. . until the day I left.

not wait . . .

The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

Leah was standing there.
Talk leaving
"It must be hard for you when someone leaves," I said.

Leah replied, "It is. And you knew that before you left, didn't you?"
Intro
You play this kind of game by entering brief commands (try to use as few words
as possible). Examples include:

TAKE BOOK
READ BOOK
DROP BOOK
PUT BOOK ON TABLE
OPEN DOOR

To move around use compass directions: NORTH, EAST, SOUTH etc. These may be
abbreviated to N, E, S, W, NE, NW, SE, SW. You can also use IN, OUT, UP and
DOWN.

EXAMINE (= LOOK AT) can be abbreviated to X; X BOOK, EXAMINE BOOK and LOOK AT
BOOK all mean the same thing.

The command INVENTORY (or simply I) will give you a list of what you're
carrying.
Use LOOK or L to repeat the description of your current location. AGAIN or G repeats the previous command.

To see a sample transcript, use the SAMPLE command.
Look around
The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

Leah was standing there.
You look at the fireplace
The fireplace was at the base of a red brick chimney and framed by a mantel. A
fire burned within it.
You look at fire
The fire was no less bright than it was when I last saw it, but somehow it felt
less warm.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, painting, us, collage, dancing, the
discovery, being miserable, the club, Leah, being apart, theater, home,
feeling, the house, meeting for the first time, remembering, returning, crying
or myself (Ayumu).
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, painting, us, collage, dancing, the
discovery, being miserable, the club, Leah, being apart, theater, home,
feeling, the house, meeting for the first time, remembering, returning, crying
or myself (Ayumu).
Dance
"Would you like to dance?" I asked.

"Now?" Leah asked. "There is no music."

"Put something on," I said. "DJ's choice."

Leah retrieved a CD player and a CD from under the bed and played "What's Up?"
by 4 Non Blondes. She took my fumbling hands, and asked, "Nervous?" while she
maneuvered them around her hips. Soon I found myself swaying with her, and she
laid her head on my shoulder. For a moment she wore a faint smile; it was the
happiest she looked so far that day. When we heard the final repetion of the
chorus, Leah sang along with the lead singer. The words that flowed from her
mouth were, "What's going on?"
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, painting, us, collage, the discovery,
being miserable, the club, Leah, being apart, theater, home, feeling, the
house, meeting for the first time, remembering, returning, crying or myself
(Ayumu).
Talk club
I did not see the point of trying to convince Leah that we had been inside a
club. She was certain that we had not--and for good reason.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, painting, us, collage, the discovery,
being miserable, Leah, being apart, theater, home, feeling, meeting for the
first time, remembering, myself (Ayumu) or crying.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, painting, us, collage, the discovery,
being miserable, Leah, being apart, theater, home, feeling, meeting for the
first time, remembering, myself (Ayumu) or crying.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, crying, home or
myself (Ayumu).
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, crying, home or
myself (Ayumu).
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:
You remember the aeitb
Leah and I were sitting on opposite corners of a blanket spread over the grass.
Leah was making a collage out of pictures she was clipping out of issues of
Ladies' Home Journal. Meanwhile I was holding a pencil and a
notepad, and I
had written five lines of a poem I had entitled "To a Rainbow".

"The rainbow is still visible," I said. "What was the mnemonic device they
taught us at school to help us remember the colors of a rainbow?"

Looking up from her project, Leah said, "Roy G Biv."

"I can't see the 'I'," I said.

"What was that, Ayumu?" my wife asked.

"I cannot see indigo," I replied. "I can see only six colors."

"I have never been able to make out all the colors of the rainbow at one time,"
she said. She then patted a spot on the blanket next to her and said, "Would
you like to take a look at what I have been doing? I have lots of colors to
show you."

"Certainly," I said while turning towards her.
But I could not dwell on the memory for long because the matter with Leah would
not wait . . .

The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

On the nightstand I saw a CD player.

Leah was standing there.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about the rainbow, Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering,
crying, home or myself (Ayumu).
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, crying, home or
myself (Ayumu).
You look at your surroundings
The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

On the nightstand I saw a CD player.

Leah was standing there.
You look at door
When I looked at the door, all I could think about was the sound of Leah's
crying--the sound I heard when I left.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, crying, home or
myself (Ayumu).
You examine the bed
I saw an ordinary double bed, complete with a mattress. It had been properly
made since it was last slept in. A nightstand sat on its easternmost side.
You look at leah
Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
her surroundings were immersed in darkness.

Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.
You examine the scarf
The decorative scarf has been adeptly tied around Leah's neck.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, collage, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, crying, home or
myself (Ayumu).
Hug leah
"Could I give you a hug?" I requested.

Leah said, "Yes," and wholeheartedly received my hug. When I embraced her, I
trembled. I had not anticipated that hugging her would be different after our
last encounter.
You look at your surroundings
The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

On the nightstand I saw a CD player.

Leah was standing there.
You examine the player
The CD player was relatively small and capable of playing music in stereo.

There was something extraordinary about the CD player.
You examine north window
The window was closed, but I could see through the pane.
You look through the north window
Looking through the glass, I saw the backyard and the wooded area that lay
beyond.
You look through the south window
Looking through the glass, I saw the quaint front lawn. Across the street
there were houses with little space between them. White picket fences gave
definition to property lines.
You examine the player
The CD player was relatively small and capable of playing music in stereo.

There was something extraordinary about the CD player.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, feeling, crying, myself (Ayumu), pain or
home.
You take the player
Taken.
You touch the player
The exterior of the CD player felt like it was made of ordinary plastic.
You use the player
I don't recognize the command USE, because it's a bit too vague; please be more
specific about what you want to do.
Inventory
I was wearing some socks and a uniform, and carrying a CD player and a hard
hat.
You examine the socks
My white socks were spotless.
You look under the bed
I checked under the bed briefly, and though the lighting was dim, my above
average night vision allowed me to see that nothing was there.
You examine the closet
(x closed)
Which do you mean, the door or the drawer?
Drawer
The drawer appeared to be unremarkable.
You open drawer
I opened the drawer.
You look at the nightstand
I took a moment to look at the nightstand. It had a single drawer, and its
lacquer finish gave a glossy appearance to its wooden hue.
You look behind the nightstand
That seemed to be an insurmountable task.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, painting, being
miserable, the discovery, theater, feeling, crying, myself (Ayumu), pain or
home.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Leah's dad, Leah's mom, Judaism, us, Leah, painting,
being miserable, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, myself
(Ayumu), home, girls or dying.
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:

Hanukkah menorah
You remember HM
It was the eighth night of Hanukkah, and I was standing beside Leah while she
lit nine candles. Leah said, "There are six candles to delight us for each
night, and there is an additional candle in case we need illumination for
reasons other than delight." After looking pensive for a moment she added,
"Which is kind of useless because people seldom rely on candle light for
illumination now."

"But don't all practicing Jews light nine candles on the eighth night?" I
asked.

"Yes," Leah answered. "It is tradition after all."

"Then it seems to me," I said, "that your dedication to lighting the Hanukkah
menorah does serve a purpose--it binds you and your loved ones together."

But I could not dwell on the memory for long because the matter with Leah would
not wait . . .

The bed was centered beneath the north facing window. The fireplace was set in
the southern wall, as was the door I had entered.

Leah was standing there.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, Leah's
mom, being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, the
eighth night, myself (Ayumu), home, girls or dying.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, remembering, Leah, Leah's
mom, being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, myself
(Ayumu), the ridiculing, home, girls or dying.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
About yourself
I could not see myself while having nothing to provide a reflection, but in my
mind's eye I saw Ayumu, a man who was taller than Leah and who had darker skin.
I was wearing a construction worker's uniform and socks.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, dying, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
How miserable
"Why have you been miserable?" I asked.

"This is the longest we have been apart since we first met," Leah replied.
"When I leave in the morning, I avoid looking back at the house so I do not
have to think about the fact that you will not be walking me home."
You ask if i am dying
"Am I dying?" I asked.

"No, you are not dying," Leah said. "But it is understandable why you might
feel that way. You know, in the tarot the death card represents the end of a
phase of your life, followed by a more important phase. I believe a significant change is on your horizon."
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, pain, home, theater, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, girls, myself (Ayumu) or the tarot.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about Judaism, Leah's dad, us, lesbian, Leah, Leah's mom,
being miserable, painting, the discovery, theater, pain, feeling, tomboy,
remembering, home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
You examine hat
The hard hat appeared to be well-suited for protecting my head.
You talk the pain
I said, "After all you have been through I can only imagine how painful our
separation has been for you."

Leah asked, "You mean because of the loss I had already experienced--because my
mom has died?"

I looked down at my feet. "Yes," I said.
You examine the uniform
My uniform looked remarkably clean.
You talk the feeling
"Why would you want to stop feeling?" I asked.

"Feeling hurts too much," Leah said.
You look at the mascara
Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.

Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me how my mom felt
about the discovery?"
Topics
I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
Leah's dad, painting, Leah, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, someone else,
home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
You look at the mascara
Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.

Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me what I painted?"
You look at the mascara
Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
Xyzzy
I considered uttering "xyzzy", but I knew that no magic word was sufficient to
resolve my and Leah's problem.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
Leah's dad, painting, Leah, theater, pain, feeling, remembering, someone else,
home, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
You look at the letter
I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
read it.

There was something extraordinary about the letter.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, feeling, theater, Ai, loving, someone
else, myself (Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
You tell about ai
"Why are you asking me about Ai?" I asked. "I don't know anything about Ai!"

"You know," Leah said, "I can almost believe that."
You examine Leah
Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
her surroundings were immersed in darkness.

Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.

Leah is holding a letter.

Leah said, "Instead of just staring at me why don't you ask me if I love
theater?"
You ask if you love the theater
"Do you love theater?" I asked.

"I so do!" Leah said. "Taking on the role of someone different from oneself is
fun. But I suppose I do not need to tell you about that."
You look at the letter
I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
read it.

There was something extraordinary about the letter.
You touch the letter
The letter felt like it was made of ordinary paper.
You read the letter
I could see the letter, but Leah was not holding it in such a way that I could
read it.

There was something extraordinary about the letter.
You look at leah
Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
her surroundings were immersed in darkness.

Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.

Leah is holding a letter.
You examine the blouse
The modest blouse covered Leah's arms.
You look at the skirt
The violet skirt extended to Leah's knees.
You examine eyes
Generally speaking, there is no need to refer to your body parts individually

to the contrary, you probably cannot OPEN DOOR WITH FOOT or PUT THE SAPPHIRE
RING IN MY MOUTH.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
(Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
(Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
You talk letter
"I don't want you to worry," I said. "When someone says 'love' in the valediction of a letter, they do not necessarily mean--"

Leah interrupted, exclaiming, "Stop it! Stop being evasive! What are you--?"

Suddenly she became silent. I took a moment to reflect on the intensity of her
rage. It struck me as out of character for her.
You open the north window
I opened the north facing window, and the influx of cold air gave Leah goose
bumps.
You look at leah
Leah was standing in front of me. She had brown eyes and an aquiline nose
framed by her long, curly, dark brown hair and the soft curves of her face.
She was illuminated by the sunlight entering through the southern window while
her surroundings were immersed in darkness.

Leah was wearing a blouse, a skirt, and a neck scarf. She was barefoot.

Leah is holding a letter.
You go north
I couldn't go that way. From there I could go south.
You enter the north window
That seemed to be an insurmountable task.
Kiss leah
In that moment it seemed Leah just wanted to talk.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about lesbian, us, tomboy, remembering, being miserable,
Judaism, painting, Leah's dad, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, someone else, myself
(Ayumu), pain, girls or home.
You ask Leah about the home
"Could we talk about home?" I asked.

"I thought we had found a home together," Leah said. "Where is home when we
are apart?"
Continue
"Could we talk about home?" I asked.

"I thought we had found a home together," Leah said. "Where is home when we
are apart?"
You ask about apart
"What has it been like for you while we have been apart?" I asked.

Leah replied, "The pain has been excruciating."
You ask about pain
I said, "After all you have been through I can only imagine how painful our
separation has been for you."

Leah asked, "You mean because of the loss I had already experienced--because my
mom has died?"

I looked down at my feet. "Yes," I said.
You look at the mascara
Leah's makeup was flawless except for the disturbed mascara and eyeliner.
You wear the mascara
(first trying to take the mascara)
It was not up to me to remove Leah's makeup.
Topics
I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
Leah's dad, painting, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, remembering, someone else,
pain, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
Hint
(Warning: Some people don't like built-in hints, since the temptation to ask
for help prematurely can become overwhelming when hints are so close at hand.
If you're worried that your willpower won't hold up, you can disable hints for
the rest of this session by typing HINTS OFF. If you still want to see the
hints now, type HINT.)
Hint
I am stuck! How do I progress?
Hints                                          Q=Quit
P=Previous Menu
U=Up D=Down
ENTER=Select
Have you tried combining topics? [1/1]
[The End]
I am stuck! How do I progress? Q=Quit
P=Previous Menu
U=Up D=Down
ENTER=Select
Topics
I could talk to Leah about us, Judaism, lesbian, tomboy, being miserable,
Leah's dad, painting, Leah, Ai, feeling, loving, remembering, someone else,
pain, myself (Ayumu) or girls.
You examine the bed
I saw an ordinary double bed, complete with a mattress. It had been properly
made since it was last slept in. A nightstand sat on its easternmost side.
You look at the mattress
The mattress looked suitable for giving someone a good night's rest.
You ask if she is a the lesbian
"Are you a lesbian?" I asked.

Leah asked, "Are you?"

A memory was brought to mind.
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:

Hanukkah menorah
kiss
You remember the kiss
I was heading for the door with my hard hat, and the one who had always stood
beside me asked, "Are you leaving?"

"Yes," I said, "but I will be back after work."

"Can I give you a kiss goodbye, hon?" she asked.

I gave my usual reply: "Of course!"

What happened next was unlike anything that had happened before. She did
exactly as she said she would. She kissed me. Instead of kissing the air
beside my cheek as she had every time before, she pressed her lips against
mine.

The ceiling descended. The walls closed in on us. The fire was snuffed out,
and a new, unfamiliar fire began to burn within me.

Had my best friend stepped out of character? Had we stopped playing house long
before the kiss? Had Leah been saying, "I love you," to Ayumu . . .

. . . or had Orli been saying, "I love you," to Ai? Did I love Orli? And if
I did, did that make me a lesbian?

I had so many questions. And I wanted nothing more than to outrun them all.

Orli said, "Ai, I--"

"I have to go," I said, interrupting her. And I opened the door of her bedroom
and left her standing alone. The way I found her when I returned.

I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.

A backpack sat at my feet.

I could see a letter there.

Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.

Orli was standing there.
You look at Orli
Orli was standing in front of me. She had an aquiline nose framed by the soft
curves of her face. Her long, curly, dark brown hair cascaded freely down her
shoulders. When I looked at her lips, I could not help but think about how
soft they had felt on mine.

Orli was wearing a white sundress. She was barefoot.
About yourself
The only way I could see myself is by looking into Orli's eyes, and by then I
was close enough to do so. I saw Ai, a girl who was slightly taller than Orli
and who had darker skin. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and a pair of jeans.
On my feet I had only socks.
Examine calendar
The calendar is opened to the month April 1996. Every day on the calendar has
been crossed off up to and including the date April 12th.
You examine the paintings
On the wall I saw three paintings--one of two people dancing in a club, one of
two people sitting on a blanket in a backyard, and one of two people standing
near a Hanukkah menorah.

A memory was brought to mind.
Memories
I could retrieve any of the following memories:
Examine backpack
The backpack was olive drab. It had a tear that ran along a seam in its
bottom.
You examine the tear
It seemed that the backpack was suitable for carrying large objects, such as
notebooks, while other items would have slipped through the tear.
You examine the letter
The handwritten letter read as follows:

Dear Orli,

This is not the first time I have written this letter. Each time I write it, I
describe the feelings I have for you and put the letter in my pack with every
intention of giving it to you. And each time I carry it to your dad's place, I
decide that our relationship is too important to allow it to see the light of
day, and I destroy it.

You are my greatest love. I have written it a hundred times, and I will write
it a hundred more. You are beautiful from head to talent. I shudder every
time I remember pulling your lovely hair into a ponytail, and I hope to one day
come up with an excuse to run my fingers over your gorgeous eyebrows. I both
envy and admire the creative power that flows through you and onto the canvas
and the stage.

The only thing I could ever want more than to tell you how much I love you is
to protect you from just such a declaration of love. If I were a boy, my only
worry would be the possibility of damaging my relationship with my best
friend--with you. But we are not so fortunate. If our parents discovered my
feelings for you, wouldn't I be responsible if they crushed your artistic
spirit? If our classmates discovered my feelings for you, wouldn't I be

responsible for every hair of your head they harmed? The
thought of losing you
is my greatest fear.

It has not escaped my attention that our peers no longer engage in the sort of
roleplay that you and I do, and I figure it is only a matter of time before you
also "grow out of it", as they say. In the meantime I hope you will excuse my
fumbling attempts to continue to care for you as Ayumu does because I do not
know if I will ever have the opportunity to care for you as I would.

With love,
Ai
You remember pfph
I was writing the words "Property Deed" on a sheet of paper. Orli was sitting
across from me with her hair in pigtails and a children's watercolor kit
nearby. She was painting a building with a white picket fence in front of it
and trees behind it.

"This can be our house," Orli said, "for after we get married."

A feeling of panic came over me, and I looked up and said, "I don't think girls
are supposed to marry girls!"

Orli was scandalized. "Then how can we play house?"

I tapped my chin with the eraser of my pencil and exclaimed, "You can be the
girl, and I can be the boy!"

Orli returned her eyes to her painting and said, "Okay."

But I could not dwell on the memory for long because the matter with Orli would
not wait . . .

I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.

A backpack sat at my feet.

I could see a letter there.

Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.

Orli was standing there.
You examine cds
Among the CD cases I saw the cases for 4 Non Blonde's single "What's Up?" and
Jill Sobule's "I Kissed a Girl".
Kiss orli
"Would you kiss me?" I requested.

Orli said, "I am afraid you will run away again."

"Then may I kiss you?" In response to that request Orli nodded her head
vigorously, and with my lips parted slightly I gave her a kiss. Somehow it
felt more electrifying than our first.

"Do you have to leave soon?" she asked.

"No," I answered.

"I am happy to hear that," she said, "because I really want you to kiss me
again."

And so, dear diary, that is the story of how I gave my heart to the girl who
demolished the house we had taken years to build. I have to admit that giving
up life as I have known it is scary. But I am not the first to leave everything behind for the love of a girl, am I?
Go upwards
One turn undone: kiss orli
Bedroom
I saw a bed in the northwest corner of the room. Beside it there was a
nightstand. There was window set into the northern wall, and a calendar was
nearby. A row of paintings was on the western wall, and a collage was on the
eastern wall. The door I had entered was to the south.

A backpack sat at my feet.

I could see a letter there.

Under the bed I saw a stack of CD cases.

Orli was standing there.
Go south
I walked out the door again--that time for the last time. I did not look back,
not even when I heard Orli resume crying.

And that, dear diary, is the story of how I walked away from the love of my
life. I suspect that one day I will return to these pages to reminisce, and I
will ask myself the question, "Why didn't I give Orli a chance?" For the
benefit of myself--the self who reads these words at a later date--I do as Orli
so often did and answer my question with a question: "When did society give me
and Orli a reason to believe we stood a chance?"