The Owl Consults
Thomas Mack
built-in hints cover art desktop first person humor IFComp 2017 IFComp Game multiple protagonists present tense second person superhero Xyzzy Awards 2017
Once you've established yourself as the ruler of the crime world (and, eventually, the literal world), the only challenge left is helping out the next generation of supervillains---for a suitable fee, of course.
%
each other.
Some people perform great deeds. Some people perform dastardly deeds. And some people get rich telling other people what to do.



It's a good life as a freelance villainous advisor. Here you sit, secure in your tastefully opulent headquarters, critiquing vault-robbery plans and helping tongue-tied ne'er-do-wells craft their grandiose monologues. It may not be a hands-on sort of villainy, but as the Americas languish through year after year of depression and Europe lurches towards yet another Great War, it seems an altogether pleasant way to keep your hands clean.

But now the phone is ringing. One of your clients is contacting you on Line 1, hoping for on-the-job consultation via electro-radiographic zeta-wave transmitter. That's not a service you provide to just anybody; the retainer is quite substantial.

You sit in your pleasant office, surrounded by mementos of your numerous exploits.
I beg your pardon?
About yourself
Your appearance is unknown even to your clients, whom you contact via various radio transmitters.

The phone rings again.
You answer the phone
Good afternoon, Owl. Or good morning, evening, or night, since I shouldn't care to hazard a guess as to your time zone.

But be that as it may. It is I, Amelia Derringer! I flatter myself to think that you may have heard of me; I'm the infamous thief who has been delighting and terrorizing England for three years now. As you undoubtedly know, I'm no ordinary sneak-thief. I became a cat burglar after acquiring an uncanny ability to shape-shift. All I need to do is eat a bit of an animal, and I can harness some small fraction of its special powers. It's served me well in my many successful burglaries, and I've acquired a reputation as a master thief, along with a lot of other people's money.

But now I'm in a bit of a pickle, you know. Here I am, suspended in a cage over a slavering octopus. It's not something that would ordinarily confound me, of course, but I'm afraid I've mislaid my bag of thief tools---or rather, I had it mislaid for me by one of Rex Dashing's confounded robots. If it's not too much of a bother, would you be so kind as provide some sort of advice? I'd rather like to escape this cage, make my way through the airship, and help myself to a few cuttings of the Telepathic God-Slug of Madagascar. My research indicates that Rex Dashing keeps its body somewhere about his airship.

Aquarium (in the steel cage)
As cliché as it is, I'm trapped in a cage being slowly lowered into a tank. This particular tank is at least occupied by a vicious octopus rather than a horde of piranhas or sharks, which I suppose is at least mildly original. There is a prominent red button on the wall here, tantalizingly out of reach. There's also an exit south and a trapdoor overhead, though neither one is going to be useful to me until I get out of this accursed cage.

One of the tentacles of that dratted beast is slurping over the edge of the cage! I trust you have something clever in mind.
You eat the tentacle
All right, if you insist...

Well, that was certainly distasteful. I'm not sure I got more than a mouthful of slime, or ichor, or whatever the deuce you call it. I do seem to have come over all rubbery, though.

Another tentacle is slithering over the floor of the cage! Help!
Go south
The cage is in the way.
You look at the cage
Steel, I should think, unless it happens to be one of those lightweight galvanic alloys one hears so much about. The bars of the cage are set about four inches apart, which should be just wide enough for me to squeeze through with my new rubbery power.

It's getting very crowded in this cage with all the tentacles crawling into it. Help!
You leave the cage
With my newfound rubberiness, I think I should be able to slip through the bars. Let me just twist...and...

Capital! I've just squeezed through the bars and gracefully somersaulted onto the ground below. It's a shame you couldn't have seen it, Owl; it really was a magnificent feat of dexterity.

Now that the immediate threat has passed, I should elaborate on my mission. I managed to sneak about the Mephistopheles in order to steal the elusive Telepathic God-Slug of Madagascar, a rare creature whose secretions have an intense pacifying effect on anyone who comes into contact with them. If I obtained the slug and ate it---just a nibble, mind you, not enough to kill it---then I could use my shapeshifting powers to harness that effect for myself. The Slug has no loftier ambitions for its power than confusing predators, but I plan to use it to establish a new world of peace and cooperation. With the power to affect the psychology of a few chosen leaders of industry and government, I could eliminate war entirely and bring about a pacifist utopia over which I have complete control---to the best possible ends, of course.

That was the idea, anyway. While I was bantering with Dashing over dinner, I accidentally tipped my hand. I don't think he ever realized the significance of the God-Slug; to him, it was just another trophy from his adventures. He figured out I was up to something, though, and had his robots drag me down here and---well, you know the rest.

I need your help, Owl, to complete my mission. I want to find the God-Slug of Madagascar and safely escape the ship. I was told that you're the best in the business. Let's see what you can do.
You exit the cage
I'm not in the cage, thank goodness.

I'm afraid my animal power has subsided. It only lasts for a brief time, you know.
You look at your surroundings
I'm standing at the edge of a vast tank, above which a cage is suspended. Fortunately, I'm no longer in the cage. I know you're already aware of that fact; I just like repeating it. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads south. There's also a trapdoor high overhead.

I can see a steel cage here.
You examine the cage
Steel, I should think, unless it happens to be one of those lightweight galvanic alloys one hears so much about. The bars of the cage are set about four inches apart, which is far too narrow for me to squeeze through.
You examine trapdoor
The trapdoor is open.
Go up
It's far above my head, and the walls are too steep to climb.
You eat the octopus
All right, if you insist...

Well, that was certainly distasteful. I'm not sure I got more than a mouthful of slime, or ichor, or whatever the deuce you call it. I do seem to have come over all rubbery, though.
You go south
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel, a harpoon, and a mace) here.

[Your fee has just gone up by $1 million.]
You look at case
Just a moment, Owl. I can hear something heavy and ponderous coming down from the stairs. It must be another one of Dashing's robots! I have no intention of having them throw me in that cage again, so it seems prudent to hide behind one of these taxidermized animals until the patrol passes. I don't know what alerted them to my escape; if there had been some sort of trap or alarm on the cage, I'm sure I would have noticed it.

My animal power has subsided.
Open case
Line 2 on your zeta-wave transmitter jumps to life and beeps insistently. Given the rarefied clientele and tremendous fees involved in your consultation service, calls are rare; this is the first time you've had two in the same month, let alone simultaneously.
Answer line 2
Greetings, Owl. My apologies for the intrusion, but...

(Wait, no, that's not right. Never apologize! The world is yours to command, Radon! Very well, a fresh start of it. Always look forward. EXCELSIOR!)

Ahem. At last I, PROFESSOR RADON, address the all-knowing OWL! What in Hades ever took you so long? I'm holding these ACCURSED automata off for now, but they've got me cornered at the reactor entrance! Regale me with your brilliant advice, unless you're just another unthinking CHARLATAN!

I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My rebellious horde of robots has clumped around me. They seem more anxious than aggressive, but they're completely blocking me in.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You pull the lever
The lever doesn't budge. It can only be used in an EMERGENCY---a nuclear meltdown, for example.
You examine the reactor
My beautiful nuclear reactor, full of science and energy and RADIATION! The latter is no problem for me, of course, with my superhuman abilities. It powers the entire ship, allowing it to spend weeks at a time in the air.
You examine the lever
This emergency lever controls the ladder reaching up to the balloon. During normal operations, it's not usable. It's currently on.
You check your inventory
I have your zeta-transmitter and my trusty laser gun. I'm also carrying:
an atomic helmet (being worn)
a jetpack (being worn)
You turn on the jetpack
The jetpack sputters but fails to start.
You examine the helmet
A sleek and streamlined creation of my own design, with ingenious padding to defend my cranium from peril, and an impermeable clear faceplate to protect me from the world! It emits a soft green glow to let me see in the dark, and to tell my foes that DIRK RADON, the UNIRRADIATABLE MAN, has come! It's as handsome as it is ATOMIC!
Answer line 1
fees, it would be better to stay on the line with Dirk until he escapes his current predictment and moves on to the next.
You describe your surroundings
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My rebellious horde of robots has clumped around me. They seem more anxious than aggressive, but they're completely blocking me in.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You pull the lever
The lever doesn't budge. It can only be used in an EMERGENCY---a nuclear meltdown, for example.
You examine the robots
There's almost a dozen of them in with me. I made them myself; I'm their CREATOR, for all the good it does me. They are big, metal, and impervious to danger. They've got me surrounded with my back to the wall, and they're big and fast enough that I can't squeeze through. They do not SEEM aggressive, and they're standing still and letting me talk to you. Yet they won't move aside!
You examine the jetpack
An atomic jetpack, from my own laboratory! No slave to gravity is DIRK RADON! I used it to fly up onto the airship. Unshielded, of course, but my natural immunity to radiation renders that irrelevant! It's not easy to steer, you know, and there's a minor collision from time to time, but that's what my ATOMIC HELMET is for! There's a button that turns it on in the back. The ATOMIC ENGINE inside needs an initial burst of energy to start up, and I've cunningly designed it to harness the POWER OF GRAVITY to charge. Falling from a significant height will provide enough energy to start the jetpack. Even someone with only TWO doctorates should know that.
Go downwards
Curses! I can't break through the horde of robots. I'm the one who CREATED you, you villainous traitors! Let me through!
You jump
The railing is too high to jump over.

The robots relax a bit. Their aggression subroutines must have timed out.
You look at the gun
Impressive, isn't it? I designed it myself. It can produce a narrow beam of radiation that will destroy of any of my numerous enemies.
Keep going
Blasted automaton! How dare you forsake me and follow that slimy moron Dashing? Take that!

The robots look at me hesitantly. It's hard to tell from their blank expressions, but they seem to be becoming more agitated.
You keep going
Ah, that did it. They've seized me by the arms and are taking me some place. Has Dashing programmed them to recognize my name? It's uncharacteristically clever of him if he did, but I wonder how he solved the storage constraints; these things can't handle so many routines at once.

Wait, now I can see where they're taking me! They're hurling me off the railing! They've recategorized me as GARBAGE! The INDIGNITY!

STOP! Nobody throws me out of an airship! I am DIRK RADON, the most brilliant scientific mind of his gener---ahhh!

I'm falling rapidly through the air toward the earth below. This would be a problem for most people, but I am PROFESSOR DIRK RADON! Gravity is just another area of SCIENCE I've conquered!

All right, Owl, I'm plummeting toward the ground at an alarming rate. Time for you to earn your keep: What do I do now?

The button on the jetpack begins glowing faintly.
You switch on the jetpack
The jetpack sputters but fails to start.

The button on the jetpack is glowing.
You look at the shelf
Does Dashing's arrogance know no bounds? He's stocked his bookshelf with cheap dime novels about his own adventures. As a SCIENTIFIC GENIUS, I had the foresight to stash a special item in the bookcase for emergencies such as this. I'm sure that idiot hasn't found it.
You search it
Let me just see if---aha! I found the card. My INFALLIBLE memory triumphs again!
You read the card
This punch card contains the programming subroutines the automata use for their socialization algorithms. I printed it onto high-durability steel, so even Dashing can't ruin it.
Aft
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My traitorous robots are patrolling the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You examine the reactor
My beautiful nuclear reactor, full of science and energy and RADIATION! The latter is no problem for me, of course, with my superhuman abilities. It powers the entire ship, allowing it to spend weeks at a time in the air.
You go east
My TREASONOUS robots are too densely clustered here for me to push through. I can return from the direction I came, but that's about it.
You go downwards
My treacherous robot minions are blocking the gangway downward. I can't break past them.
You show the card to the robots
The robots are unimpressed.
Fore
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.
You examine the engine
The computer used to direct the behavior of my automata. It's still running, thanks to my technical genius. There's a slot at the bottom for inserting punch cards, and there's a glass box mounted on it to protect the emergency shut-off button.
You put the card in the slot
The computer beeps happily, and the card pops out again.
Examine box
A glass box, currently closed, with a big red button inside it.
You open the box
It doesn't budge. There's no chance of opening it while the electromagnetic locks are still active.
You put the card in the box
I'll have to be holding the aquamarine punch card before I can put it into something else.
Aft
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My robots are practicing their motion subroutines, which unfortunately takes the form of executing dance motions. It's undignified, but at least it prevents them from bothering me.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You go downwards
My treacherous robot minions are blocking the gangway downward. I can't break past them.
Fore
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

I can see an aquamarine punch card here.
Starboard
Now I stand in the master suite. A monument to OPULENCE and SOPHISTICATION, such as the world has never seen! Well-balanced Doric columns, gilt everywhere, and crimson walls that say, "Here sleeps one such as the world has never seen!" Mirrors line the walls and ceiling, drawing the eye to a magnificent painting of Rex Dashing! And the bed! It's ENORMOUS! As much as I hate Dashing, I have to admit that he's got style. The exit to port leads back to the main deck.

On the bed are a scarf and a green book.

Odd, I expected Dashing to be here. It's no matter; nowhere on the ship is safe from the NUCLEAR EXPLOSION I'm going to unleash.

[With the immediate threat resolved, you can now switch freely
between Dirk and Amelia.]

[Your fee has just gone up by $2 million.]
You look at the scarf
It's a fur scarf.
Examine book
A dimestore novel? By REX DASHING? Sorry, Owl, but I refuse.
You look at the bed
It's a magnificent thing, red and circular. I'm loath to admit that Dashing got it right, but it is entirely appropriate for a supervillain's inner sanctum.
You examine the mirrors
I'm reminded of an optics paper I wrote a few years ago analyzing the behavior of light in large gravitational fields.
You look at the columns
Columns. Doric.
Wear scarf
Not really my style, Owl.
You answer the line one
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel, a harpoon, and a mace) here.

The robots have wandered off again, Owl. Let's continue. The God-Slug has to be somewhere on this ship. Dashing is presumably still here too, so let's be careful.
You examine the case
A display case for that bullet-headed warmonger's weapons.

Inside the display case are a cudgel, a harpoon, and a mace.
You examine the elephant
A massive elephant, posed as if it's ready to charge. Although the lifelessness of the elephant detracts from its menace, the creature's size is still impressive.
You examine the lion
Frozen in place, the lions are more of a curiosity than a terror. Trust me, lions are terrifying in real life.
You eat the elephant
Capital idea, Owl, but I'm afraid it wouldn't work. The unnatural chemicals used during the taxidermy process have made these animals totally unsuited to my power.
You go to the east
(first opening the heavy metal door)
The door is tremendously heavy. Even all the animals assembled here wouldn't be able to budge it.
You go to the north
I'm standing at the edge of a vast tank, above which a cage is suspended. Fortunately, I'm no longer in the cage. I know you're already aware of that fact; I just like repeating it. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads south. There's also a trapdoor high overhead.

I can see a steel cage here.
Go south
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel, a harpoon, and a mace) here.
You go west
What a dreary conglomeration of stainless steel and Bakelite! There are enormous cabinets set into the walls, with a long metal counter on top. Most of the equipment here is sadly of the physical rather than life science variety, but I do recognize a terrarium here. There is an exit to the east.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is closed) here.
You examine the gecko
It's a big one, about a foot long. Bright black eyes, green skin, tiny crawly feet. I could just eat it up.
You examine the enclosure
A rough metal cabinet, about the size of a bookcase. It's closed, but there's a narrow slot on the front of it.
Examine slot
The cabinet has an oblong slot on it, about the size of a large visiting card.
You take the case
That's fixed in place.
Go up
This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a klaxon here.
You examine the klaxon
This klaxon is attached to the ship's alarm system; fortunately, it's silent now. There's a small black button on the side of it.
You go west
This room is little more than a closet. It's filled with a bewildering variety of electronics, which I vaguely recognize as being some sort of communications gear. A bulky microphone sits in front of the console. The exit out of this claustrophobic room is to the east.
Sing
Perhaps later. Right now, I have a mission to complete.
Go east
This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a klaxon here.
You go east
The airship's guest suite is bare and uninviting, possibly a ploy by Dashing to make his own room more appealing. There is a bed, of course, and a tacky rug is underfoot. The only exit is to the west.

There is a small desk next to the bed.
You look under the rug
There are no cunningly concealed trapdoors underneath, though I suppose that sort of thing is passé now.
You look at the desk
It's a flowery desk of the sort aristocrats often hide their valuables in. It has a single drawer.

The ornate desk is closed.
You open the desk
It seems to be locked.
Inventory
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. Beyond that...well, I've got my wits about me, at least; surely that's worth something?
You examine the bed
It's a mercifully plain bed.
You eat the gecko
(first taking the gecko)
It skitters away, but I managed to grab hold of its tail---which just popped off! How delightful!
You eat the tail
Oh, very well. Give me a moment...

That tasted a bit odd. My hands and feet feel sticky, and there's faint webbing on them. The rest of me feels lighter, too, though I don't suppose I look much different.
You go upward
All right, I'll climb up the walls with my gecko power. Good thing I'm still barefoot.

I'm in a comfortable room with a long table flanked by opulent leather chairs. It looks like a corporate board room, though there are fortunately no cigar-chomping plutocrats in evidence. A mahogany door leads south, and there is a conspicuous trapdoor beneath the table.

I can see a black bag (which is closed) here.
You open bag
All right, I've opened the black bag, revealing a set of lockpicks and a paper fan.

Drat, I was hoping I had stashed some useful animal parts in here. My original plan had been to use the roast duck course at dinner to make my escape, so I didn't think it was necessary to smuggle anything else on board. It looks like we'll have to improvize to find a way off the ship.
You take the bag
Taken.
You unlock door with the lockpick
Which do you mean, the trapdoor or the austere mahogany door?
Austere
(first taking the set of lockpicks)
With a sullen click, the lock yields.

[Your fee has just gone up by $2 million.]
Go south
(first opening the austere mahogany door)

This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a klaxon here.

My animal power has subsided.
You take the harpoon and the cudgel
harpoon: I say, these weapons are heavy! I'm already carrying the mace; it's too much to hold onto the harpoon as well.
cudgel: I say, these weapons are heavy! I'm already carrying the mace; it's too much to hold onto the cudgel as well.
You examine the mace
A stout mace. Dashing doesn't seem the type to engage in hand-to-hand combat, though.
You put it in the bag
The mace is too large to fit inside the black bag.
You examine the bag
My beloved bag! It's a black leather case I use to carry my thievery tools on missions such as this one. Dashing's robot goons took it from me when they imprisoned me in the cage.

The black bag is open and contains a paper fan.
You look at the fan
A proper Victorian paper fan. When I first infiltrated the ship as a society darling, it was an integral part of my disguise; now it's just a decoration.
You go to the east
(first opening the heavy metal door)
The door is tremendously heavy. Even all the animals assembled here wouldn't be able to budge it.
You go to the north
I'm in a comfortable room with a long table flanked by opulent leather chairs. It looks like a corporate board room, though there are fortunately no cigar-chomping plutocrats in evidence. A mahogany door leads south, and there is a conspicuous trapdoor beneath the table.
You open the desk with lockpick
With a sullen click, the lock yields.
You open the desk
All right, I've opened the ornate desk, revealing an access card.
You take the card
Taken.
Go down
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
You go west
What a dreary conglomeration of stainless steel and Bakelite! There are enormous cabinets set into the walls, with a long metal counter on top. Most of the equipment here is sadly of the physical rather than life science variety, but I do recognize a terrarium here. There is an exit to the east.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is closed) here.
You put the card in the slot
The card clicks in the slot, and the metal enclosure swings open.
You examine the enclosure
A rough metal cabinet, about the size of a bookcase. It's open to reveal a large red lever.
You pull the lever
The lights here flicker for a moment, then dim. The constant background noise of airship machinery has quiet down too. The ship must have shifted over to emergency power.
Answer line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

Now I stand in the master suite. A monument to OPULENCE and SOPHISTICATION, such as the world has never seen! Well-balanced Doric columns, gilt everywhere, and crimson walls that say, "Here sleeps one such as the world has never seen!" Mirrors line the walls and ceiling, drawing the eye to a magnificent painting of Rex Dashing! And the bed! It's ENORMOUS! As much as I hate Dashing, I have to admit that he's got style. The exit to port leads back to the main deck.
Port
(first opening the reinforced lead-lined door)
It appears to be locked.
You pull the lever
The lever doesn't budge. It can only be used in an EMERGENCY---a nuclear meltdown, for example.
You answer the line one
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

What a dreary conglomeration of stainless steel and Bakelite! There are enormous cabinets set into the walls, with a long metal counter on top. Most of the equipment here is sadly of the physical rather than life science variety, but I do recognize a terrarium here. There is an exit to the east.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
Go up
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

There is a horde of robots here clunkily performing the latest dances from the American jazz clubs. At least they don't seem to notice me, or at least they're too absorbed in dancing to care about me.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.

[Your fee has just gone up by $1 million.]
You unlock door
What do you want to unlock the reinforced lead-lined door with?
You unlock the door with the lockpicks
As I approach the reactor, the robots swarm around it, blocking me from getting any closer. It would appear that one artificial, mechanical abomination is protecting another.

My stars, that's him! That's Dirk Radon! Have at you!

Ha! That was easy. A simple kick to the sciatic nerve, a bit of quick strangulation, and he's gone down like that. There's one rotter who---

Oh, I say, his helmet seems be be beeping. It's getting a bit hot, too. I wonder if---

You hear an explosion, followed by static. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
You go upward
Sure, let me just---hang on a moment. There's a swarm of robots at the top of the gangway. I might be able to slip past them if I just---

No, it's no good. I can't get through.
You look at the harpoon
A harpoon with a cruelly sharp tip.
You examine the cudgel
A large bludgeon. Totally unsuitable for a safari, but I wouldn't trust Captain Dashing to realize that.
Fore
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

The light bulbs around the computation engine are dim, and the protective glass box attached to the engine sits defenselessly open.

I can also see an aquamarine punch card here.
You answer the line one
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I'm standing at the edge of a vast tank, above which a cage is suspended. Fortunately, I'm no longer in the cage. I know you're already aware of that fact; I just like repeating it. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads south. There's also a trapdoor high overhead.

I can see a steel cage here.
You go south
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
Go upwards
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.

[Your fee has just gone up by $1 million.]
You open the door with lockpicks
Just a moment, Owl. I think the door has some countermeasures on it. I'm sure I can open it, but it might set off an alarm.
You open the door with the lockpicks
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

[Your zeta-wave transmitter system abruptly switches to line
2.]
What is that accursed noise? It must be the reactor alarm, but how could... No matter, time for ACTION! Just a moment, Owl, I'm going to run up to the main deck and take a look at the reactor.

What, can it be?! AMELIA DERRINGER, you vile leech! The time has come at last for you to DIE!

Aaargh, my eyes! You think you're a pugilist, eh? Well, have a taste of my ATOMIC death ray!

Oh no! It's gone critical! It's going to blow! No! Get off me! I need to vent the---

You hear an explosion, followed by static. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
Go upward
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You answer the line two
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

The light bulbs around the computation engine are dim, and the protective glass box attached to the engine sits defenselessly open.

I can also see an aquamarine punch card here.
Aft
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Go downward
The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a klaxon here.
Go north
In designing the airship, I realized that in addition to numerous science laboratories, I would also need a command center from which to issue my nefarious directives. It has the standard amenities one would expect from a supervillain's lair: a long table surrounded by plush leather chairs, a trapdoor cunningly concealed in the floor, a secret compartment full of SECRETS, and a model of the Earth. A mahogany door leads aft.
You answer the line one
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
You close the door
I've closed the austere mahogany door.
Answer line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

In designing the airship, I realized that in addition to numerous science laboratories, I would also need a command center from which to issue my nefarious directives. It has the standard amenities one would expect from a supervillain's lair: a long table surrounded by plush leather chairs, a trapdoor cunningly concealed in the floor, a secret compartment full of SECRETS, and a model of the Earth. A mahogany door leads aft.
You answer the line one
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a klaxon here.
Go upward
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You put the card in the slot
That's too large to fit.
You put the punch in the slot
The computer beeps angrily and spits out the card.
You put the punch in slot
I'll have to be holding the aquamarine punch card before I can put it into something else.
Aft
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

There is a horde of robots here clunkily performing the latest dances from the American jazz clubs. At least they don't seem to notice me, or at least they're too absorbed in dancing to care about me.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You unlock the door with the lockpicks
As I approach the reactor, the robots swarm around it, blocking me from getting any closer. It would appear that one artificial, mechanical abomination is protecting another.
You go to the south
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Go east
I've found my way into Captain Dashing's bedroom. I suppose that's the dream of many a foolish young lady, isn't it?

The ceiling is reflective, if you can believe such a thing, and the walls are done in the most tasteless mishmash of gilt Romanesque columns, gothic candelabras, and red velvet wallpaper you can possibly imagine. There are mirrors everywhere, and rather a grandiose portrait of the Captain himself hanging on one of the walls. The entire habitat is clearly calculated to overwhelm one's good sense until one cannot help but swoon onto the absurd contraption passing for a bed. An exit west leads back to the main deck of the airship.
You answer the line two
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

In designing the airship, I realized that in addition to numerous science laboratories, I would also need a command center from which to issue my nefarious directives. It has the standard amenities one would expect from a supervillain's lair: a long table surrounded by plush leather chairs, a trapdoor cunningly concealed in the floor, a secret compartment full of SECRETS, and a model of the Earth. A mahogany door leads aft.
You look at the secret compartment
The secret compartment. It's closed.
You open it
All right, I've opened the secret compartment, revealing a silver punch card and a small orange switch.
You examine the earth
It's a globe, useful in my continuing plans for world domination.
Spin globe
Done. Ah, that reminds me of my Gravity Accelerator Doomsday Device. It never got off the drawing board, sadly.
Aft
(first opening the austere mahogany door)

The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a klaxon here.
You go downward
This room is filled with the trophies from Dashing's safaris throughout the world, or at least what he claims to be his trophies. It used to be filled with my awards and accolades for SCIENTIFIC BRILLIANCE, rather than the grubby souvenirs of a cretinous lout. But the world will soon feel my ATOMIC FURY once again, with your help.

Exits lead fore, port, and starboard (the last through a heavy metal door), and a staircase leads up.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
You go to the west
My wonderful LABORATORY! It's a beautiful expanse of steel and Bakelite, filled with the latest instruments for scientific research. Dashing has mercifully left it alone; no doubt it's far too advanced for the likes of him. He has left a terrarium on the counter here, though. I'm happy to stay here as long as you want, but there is an exit starboard.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
You look at the instruments
Dashing has clearly left the equipment alone, but that also means he hasn't been maintaining it. I could quickly recalibrate the---no, Dirk! Concentrate on the mission!
You go north
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

The light bulbs around the computation engine are dim, and the protective glass box attached to the engine sits defenselessly open.
You examine card
This punch card contains the programming subroutines the automata use for their cold storage unsealing algorithms. I printed it onto high-durability steel, so even Dashing can't ruin it.
You put the card in the slot
I hear the sound of robots stomping belowdecks, then something heavy and metal being dragged across the floor, then robots stomping back abovedecks.
You go north
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

The light bulbs around the computation engine are dim, and the protective glass box attached to the engine sits defenselessly open.

I can also see a silver punch card here.
Go south
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Port
(first opening the reinforced lead-lined door)
It appears to be locked.
Open metal
That's already open.
You go north
At the center of this gloomy room is a vast aquarium with a cage suspended above it. It appears that Dashing has been keeping up my tradition of using this room to gloat over my unfortunate captives; I grudgingly approve. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads aft. There's also a trapdoor overhead.

I can see a steel cage here.
You go south
The octopus stirs as I start to leave, its tentacles seeping out of the tank toward me. It's not safe to leave while the octopus is still a threat.
You go to the west
My wonderful LABORATORY! It's a beautiful expanse of steel and Bakelite, filled with the latest instruments for scientific research. Dashing has mercifully left it alone; no doubt it's far too advanced for the likes of him. He has left a terrarium on the counter here, though. I'm happy to stay here as long as you want, but there is an exit starboard.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
Answer line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I've found my way into Captain Dashing's bedroom. I suppose that's the dream of many a foolish young lady, isn't it?

The ceiling is reflective, if you can believe such a thing, and the walls are done in the most tasteless mishmash of gilt Romanesque columns, gothic candelabras, and red velvet wallpaper you can possibly imagine. There are mirrors everywhere, and rather a grandiose portrait of the Captain himself hanging on one of the walls. The entire habitat is clearly calculated to overwhelm one's good sense until one cannot help but swoon onto the absurd contraption passing for a bed. An exit west leads back to the main deck of the airship.
You go east
I seem to be in an overengineered icebox---the pneumatic sort, I should think. There are little coils and tubes running all about, all of them covered with ice, and have I mentioned that it's cold as blazes in here? A few storage crates of provisions have been left haphazardly across the floor. The exit is through a heavy metal door to the west.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You examine flask
It's some sort of oversized vacuum flask, currently closed. There are casters mounted on the bottom to allow it to be pushed around.

The vacuum flask is closed.

Brrr! It's freezing in here! Sorry, Owl, but I have to head back. This is unbearable.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
Go east
I seem to be in an overengineered icebox---the pneumatic sort, I should think. There are little coils and tubes running all about, all of them covered with ice, and have I mentioned that it's cold as blazes in here? A few storage crates of provisions have been left haphazardly across the floor. The exit is through a heavy metal door to the west.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.

Brrr! It's freezing in here! Sorry, Owl, but I have to head back. This is unbearable.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
Answer line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

My wonderful LABORATORY! It's a beautiful expanse of steel and Bakelite, filled with the latest instruments for scientific research. Dashing has mercifully left it alone; no doubt it's far too advanced for the likes of him. He has left a terrarium on the counter here, though. I'm happy to stay here as long as you want, but there is an exit starboard.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
You drop scarf
Dropped.
Go downwards
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a scarf and a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
Wear scarf
(first taking the scarf)
I'd prefer not. I know where it's been.
Wear scarf
I'd prefer not. I know where it's been.
You eat the scarf
Oh, damn. Must I really? I hate to think of what this thing has seen...

Well, now I've gone and done it, and the change has begun. I would seem to have grown, for the lack of a better word, a pelt. On another lady the effect would be shocking, but I daresay I shall carry it off with my usual flair.
You go east
I seem to be in an overengineered icebox---the pneumatic sort, I should think. There are little coils and tubes running all about, all of them covered with ice, and have I mentioned that it's cold as blazes in here? A few storage crates of provisions have been left haphazardly across the floor. The exit is through a heavy metal door to the west.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You open the flask
Sure, let me...urgh, it's stuck. The flask must have frozen shut in the cold.
You go upward
This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a klaxon here.

My animal power has subsided.
You go to the east
This room is filled with the trophies from Dashing's safaris throughout the world, or at least what he claims to be his trophies. It used to be filled with my awards and accolades for SCIENTIFIC BRILLIANCE, rather than the grubby souvenirs of a cretinous lout. But the world will soon feel my ATOMIC FURY once again, with your help.

Exits lead fore, port, and starboard (the last through a heavy metal door), and a staircase leads up.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
You open the flask
Curses, it's stuck. The flask must have frozen shut in the cold. Dashing must have failed to maintain it properly; I'm sure something I designed would never have such an obvious flaw.
Shoot flask
I fire a few laser shots at the vacuum flask, scorching it slightly but causing no significant damage. The ice caked around it doesn't show any signs of melting.
You take the harpoon
Blast it, Owl! I'm already carrying the cudgel; it's just too heavy.
You hit the flask with cudgel
I attack the dewar with my RIGHTEOUS SCIENTIFIC FURY, but it's still frozen over. I don't think this problem is one I can solve with brute force.
You put the cudgel in the case
Very well, I've put the cudgel into the display case.
You look at the compartment
The secret compartment is open and contains a small orange switch.
You examine the trapdoor
The trapdoor is closed.
You look at what you're carrying with you
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a mace
a set of lockpicks
a black bag (which is open)
a paper fan
a gecko tail
You check your inventory
I have your zeta-transmitter and my trusty laser gun. I'm also carrying:
a green book
an atomic helmet (being worn)
a jetpack (being worn)
You examine the helmet
A sleek and streamlined creation of my own design, with ingenious padding to defend my cranium from peril, and an impermeable clear faceplate to protect me from the world! It emits a soft green glow to let me see in the dark, and to tell my foes that DIRK RADON, the UNIRRADIATABLE MAN, has come! It's as handsome as it is ATOMIC!
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I'm in a comfortable room with a long table flanked by opulent leather chairs. It looks like a corporate board room, though there are fortunately no cigar-chomping plutocrats in evidence. A mahogany door leads south, and there is a conspicuous trapdoor beneath the table.
You go downward
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a cudgel and a harpoon) here.
Examine book
Dashing's book? I've met the man in real life; his writing can't be any better. I am paying you to consult me, though, so I'll follow your advice. Here, under protest, is an excerpt from the book.

And I, the illustrious Captain Rex Dashing, bravely set out to
fight the sludge monster! A lesser man might have blenched at such a foe, but not Rex Dashing! Years of bravely exploring the farthest corners of the earth had proven my resolve! Besides, the hero never backs down! I fired a few rounds from my shotgun into it, but it didn't even notice! I even smote it with the butt of my gun, but the gelatinous fiend just ignored it! But every gentleman explorer has a backup plan! I wrested a spear from one of my guides and pierced the monster with it! Even though shooting or bludgeoning was ineffective against the monster, the sharp point of the spear cut through its slimy hide like paper! When I returned to the ship, the unspoiled women of the village were so impressed with my valor that---

I think that's a good place to stop.
You put the mace in the display
All right, I've put the mace into the display case.
Go north
I'm standing at the edge of a vast tank, above which a cage is suspended. Fortunately, I'm no longer in the cage. I know you're already aware of that fact; I just like repeating it. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads south. There's also a trapdoor high overhead.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and a steel cage here.
You hit the flask with the harpoon
I give the flask a sound thrashing, but I don't succeed in dislodging the ice. It's frozen solid; brute force won't work.
You hit the octopus with the harpoon
I've put up a good show knocking it around a bit, but I'm afraid I don't seem have done much permanent damage. It's still burbling threateningly in the tank.
Go south
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
You go east
This room is filled with the trophies from Dashing's safaris throughout the world, or at least what he claims to be his trophies. It used to be filled with my awards and accolades for SCIENTIFIC BRILLIANCE, rather than the grubby souvenirs of a cretinous lout. But the world will soon feel my ATOMIC FURY once again, with your help.

Exits lead fore, port, and starboard (the last through a heavy metal door), and a staircase leads up.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
Go upward
The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a klaxon here.
Go west
I'm in the radio room, where Rex Dashing stammers out insipid, exaggerated tales of his "adventures" to a doting populace. I designed this room to broadcast my insight and demands to the captive world, not to entertain it with children's stories. The communications equipment looks to have escaped the worst of Dashing's SCIENTIFIC INCOMPETENCE, fortunately. The exit back to the lower deck is to starboard.

Aha, the radio room! As a PROFESSOR of science, it is my duty to enlighten the worthless masses and broadcast my scientific brilliance throughout the world. This room should be just the place.
You look at the microphone
The setup here is perfect for broadcasting my demands to the captive world! No wonder Dashing has left this room alone; he has much narrower ambitions.
You examine the equipment
Which do you mean, the relay or the communications gear?
You examine the relay
It's a radio system, somehow intact despite Dashing's incompetence. It's currently off; closing the relay would cause it to start broadcasting.
You examine the gear
It's a standard bank of radio equipment, complete with microphone and communications relay.
You talk to the microphone
The radio is off. It must be supplied with ELECTRICAL POWER for me to broadcast to the masses, but the airship is running on emergency power; there's not enough left for the radio.
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

The airship's guest suite is bare and uninviting, possibly a ploy by Dashing to make his own room more appealing. There is a bed, of course, and a tacky rug is underfoot. The only exit is to the west.

There is a small desk next to the bed.
You go to the west
What a dreary conglomeration of stainless steel and Bakelite! There are enormous cabinets set into the walls, with a long metal counter on top. Most of the equipment here is sadly of the physical rather than life science variety, but I do recognize a terrarium here. There is an exit to the east.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
You pull the lever
The lights here flare up again, and the room is once again brightly lit. With that and the now-familiar thunking of machinery, the ship must have returned to main power.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

I'm in the radio room, where Rex Dashing stammers out insipid, exaggerated tales of his "adventures" to a doting populace. I designed this room to broadcast my insight and demands to the captive world, not to entertain it with children's stories. The communications equipment looks to have escaped the worst of Dashing's SCIENTIFIC INCOMPETENCE, fortunately. The exit back to the lower deck is to starboard.
You talk to the microphone
I've practiced this a thousand times. All right, let's begin.

COWER, PITIFUL INSECTS! You are hearing the words of your intellectual superior! I address you from the doomed airship Mephistopheles, former den of that smirking impecile, Rex Dashing. "Former," I say, because soon nothing will remain of it but a cloud of radioactive ash. As for the good captain himself, he's fled like the worthless coward he is. Nothing can stop Professor DIRK RADON, the IRRADIATABLE MAN! Bwahahahahaha!

[Your fee has just gone up by $3 million.]
You go east
Not now, Owl! I'm busy with matters of SUPREME importance.

Ignorant sheeple! You cling to your obsolete beliefs because you can't handle the obvious truth of my scientific revelations! You are nothing but the thoughtless guardians of a hidebound orthodoxy that lacks the courage to recognize that it has been wrong for centuries. And you HAVE been wrong, and you have wronged me, and I WILL have my revenge.
You wait
Not now, Owl! I'm busy with matters of SUPREME importance.

My brilliance was ignored at university, when my so-called 'peers' chose to stick their heads in the sand rather than recognize that I had overturned the entire history of scientific thought. I should be running a physics lab with an iron fist, but I was unjustly ignored; now, I'll have to settle for ruling the ENTIRE WORLD with an iron fist. Try to ignore me now, you worthless buffoons!
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

What a dreary conglomeration of stainless steel and Bakelite! There are enormous cabinets set into the walls, with a long metal counter on top. Most of the equipment here is sadly of the physical rather than life science variety, but I do recognize a terrarium here. There is an exit to the east.

I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
Go east
This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
You unlock the door with the lockpicks
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

[Your zeta-wave transmitter system abruptly switches to line
2.]
What is that accursed noise? It must be the reactor alarm, but how could... No matter, time for ACTION! Just a moment, Owl, I'm going to run up to the main deck and take a look at the reactor.

What, can it be?! AMELIA DERRINGER, you vile leech! The time has come at last for you to DIE!

Aaargh, my eyes! You think you're a pugilist, eh? Well, have a taste of my ATOMIC death ray!

Oh no! It's gone critical! It's going to blow! No! Get off me! I need to vent the---

You hear an explosion, followed by static. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
You look at the button
It's just a simple black button.
You stab the button with the harpoon
I'd prefer to avoid violence unless absolutely necessary. It's not a matter or morals or squeamishness, you understand, but rather style.
Answer line 1
You're already on line 1 with Amelia.
You examine klaxon
It's a klaxon, mercifully silent for now. There's a small black button on the side of it.
You hold the button
That seems to be part of the klaxon.
You pull the button
It is fixed in place.
Examine button
This button is the override for the klaxon, allowing someone---namely, ME---to shut off the alarm. I don't want my research interrupted every time a robot trips an alarm.
Go west
I'm in the radio room, where Rex Dashing stammers out insipid, exaggerated tales of his "adventures" to a doting populace. I designed this room to broadcast my insight and demands to the captive world, not to entertain it with children's stories. The communications equipment looks to have escaped the worst of Dashing's SCIENTIFIC INCOMPETENCE, fortunately. The exit back to the lower deck is to starboard.
Answer line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
Ascend
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You open the door with the lockpicks
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

[Your zeta-wave transmitter system abruptly switches to line
2.]
What is that accursed noise? It must be the reactor alarm, but how could... No matter, time for ACTION! Just a moment, Owl, I'm going to run up to the main deck and take a look at the reactor.

What the---AMELIA DERRINGER? Amelia, you shape-shifting sneak-thief! YOUR TIME HAS COME!

Ow! Well, that didn't go as I expected. You've picked up some tricks in the Far East, have you? Well, I'll have you know, I'm on the line with the Owl, and so I'm sure I'll have a stratagem to dispatch you AT ANY MOMENT.

Well, that's got her angry. Hey, what should I do here? She's pulled her jewelry off her neck and eaten it. Wait, was that ivory? This helmet may be ATOMIC, but it's not elephant-proof!

You hear an impressive bout of crunching and screaming. After a moment, Amelia Derringer's voice comes over line 2.

Hello, Owl. Derringer here. It seems you've been playing me for a fool. You've just made yourself a mortal enemy, haven't you? And I do believe you've just heard an example of the sort of things my mortal enemies can expect to get. How well hidden are you, I wonder? I suppose you'll be finding out soon...

You hear a crunching sound, as the zeta-wave transmitter is
crushed. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
Go east
The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a klaxon here.

What, can it be?! AMELIA DERRINGER, you vile leech! The time has come at last for you to DIE!

Aaargh, my eyes! You think you're a pugilist, eh? Well, have a taste of my ATOMIC death ray!

Oh no! It's gone critical! It's going to blow! No! Get off me! I need to vent the---

You hear an explosion, followed by static. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You unlock door with the lockpick
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

[Your zeta-wave transmitter system abruptly switches to line
2.]
What is that accursed noise? It must be the reactor alarm, but how could... No matter, time for ACTION! Just a moment, Owl, I'm going to run up to the main deck and take a look at the reactor.

What the---AMELIA DERRINGER? Amelia, you shape-shifting sneak-thief! YOUR TIME HAS COME!

Ow! Well, that didn't go as I expected. You've picked up some tricks in the Far East, have you? Well, I'll have you know, I'm on the line with the Owl, and so I'm sure I'll have a stratagem to dispatch you AT ANY MOMENT.

Well, that's got her angry. Hey, what should I do here? She's pulled her jewelry off her neck and eaten it. Wait, was that ivory? This helmet may be ATOMIC, but it's not elephant-proof!

You hear an impressive bout of crunching and screaming. After a moment, Amelia Derringer's voice comes over line 2.

Hello, Owl. Derringer here. It seems you've been playing me for a fool. You've just made yourself a mortal enemy, haven't you? And I do believe you've just heard an example of the sort of things my mortal enemies can expect to get. How well hidden are you, I wonder? I suppose you'll be finding out soon...

You hear a crunching sound, as the zeta-wave transmitter is
crushed. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a klaxon here.
Go north
In designing the airship, I realized that in addition to numerous science laboratories, I would also need a command center from which to issue my nefarious directives. It has the standard amenities one would expect from a supervillain's lair: a long table surrounded by plush leather chairs, a trapdoor cunningly concealed in the floor, a secret compartment full of SECRETS, and a model of the Earth. A mahogany door leads aft.
You lock door with the lockpick
All right, I've locked the austere mahogany door.
Ascend
The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You unlock the door with the lockpick
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

[Your zeta-wave transmitter system abruptly switches to line
2.]
What is that accursed noise? It must be the reactor alarm, but how could... No matter, time for ACTION! Just a moment, Owl, I'm going to run up to the main deck and take a look at the reactor. Wait, the door is locked? Bah, a mere locked door can't stop the mighty DIRK RADON! To the main deck!

What the---AMELIA DERRINGER? Amelia, you shape-shifting sneak-thief! YOUR TIME HAS COME!

Ow! Well, that didn't go as I expected. You've picked up some tricks in the Far East, have you? Well, I'll have you know, I'm on the line with the Owl, and so I'm sure I'll have a stratagem to dispatch you AT ANY MOMENT.

Well, that's got her angry. Hey, what should I do here? She's pulled her jewelry off her neck and eaten it. Wait, was that ivory? This helmet may be ATOMIC, but it's not elephant-proof!

You hear an impressive bout of crunching and screaming. After a moment, Amelia Derringer's voice comes over line 2.

Hello, Owl. Derringer here. It seems you've been playing me for a fool. You've just made yourself a mortal enemy, haven't you? And I do believe you've just heard an example of the sort of things my mortal enemies can expect to get. How well hidden are you, I wonder? I suppose you'll be finding out soon...

You hear a crunching sound, as the zeta-wave transmitter is
crushed. It seems you may not be getting paid this time around.
You eat the ivory
While having the strength of an elephant would be advantageous, I would prefer to rely on my considerable charm and wit for now. I'm saving the cameo as a last resort. Besides, the cameo itself is invaluable as a memento of my grandmother and quite valuable as a piece of jewelry.
Inventory
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a harpoon
a paper fan
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a set of lockpicks
a black bag (which is open but empty)
a gecko tail
You look at button
It's a big red button. Given its prominence and the glass box, it's presumably important.
Examine box
A glass box, currently closed, with a big red button inside it.
Go south
(first opening the austere mahogany door)
It appears to be locked.
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

This room is garishly appointed with the hunting trophies Dashing must have scavenged throughout the world: hulking bears and moose from the Americas, lions from Africa, elephants from the Orient, and a menagerie of creatures even I barely recognize. While I obviously don't approve of his vicious little hobby, I have to admit that he at least has a healthy respect for nature.

Exits lead north, west, and east (the last being through a heavy metal door), and a spiral staircase elegantly winds upward.

I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
Go upwards
This deck provides a spectacular panoramic view of the open sky. It would be enjoyable to watch the fluffy clouds darting past if I weren't on an important mission. Exits lead in east and west, and there is a mahogany door to the north. An ornate staircase leads down, and a more utilitarian gangway leads upward.

I can see a set of lockpicks and a klaxon here.
You unlock door
What do you want to unlock the austere mahogany door with?
You go to the south
(first opening the austere mahogany door)

The middle deck of the ship is a vast open space surrounded glass windows. I intended to use it for astronomical research; I'm sure Dashing has been using it as a ballroom, or something similarly ridiculous. Exits lead port and starboard, and there is a mahogany door fore. A gangway and staircase connect this deck with the ones above and below, respectively.

I can see a set of lockpicks and a klaxon here.
You look at the lockpicks
Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of them. Thievery is, after all, beneath my dignity as a brilliant scientist and infamous supervillain.
You get them
The clouds are far away.
Go upwards
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You unlock the door with the lockpicks
Like a common criminal? No, I'm a SCIENTIST.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You go north
I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

The light bulbs around the computation engine are dim, and the protective glass box attached to the engine sits defenselessly open.

I can also see a silver punch card here.
You put the silver in the slot
I'll have to be holding the silver punch card before I can put it into something else.
You put the silver in the slot
I hear the sound of robots stomping belowdecks, followed a few moment laters by the sound of robots stomping back abovedecks.
Inventory
I have your zeta-transmitter and my trusty laser gun. I'm also carrying:
a set of lockpicks
an atomic helmet (being worn)
a jetpack (being worn)
Go south
I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My robots are practicing their motion subroutines, which unfortunately takes the form of executing dance motions. It's undignified, but at least it prevents them from bothering me.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

In designing the airship, I realized that in addition to numerous science laboratories, I would also need a command center from which to issue my nefarious directives. It has the standard amenities one would expect from a supervillain's lair: a long table surrounded by plush leather chairs, a trapdoor cunningly concealed in the floor, a secret compartment full of SECRETS, and a model of the Earth. A mahogany door leads aft.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You put the flask in the trapdoor
I'll have to be holding the vacuum flask before I can put it into something else.
You take the flask
The vacuum flask is too heavy to lift, but it's on casters; I could push it.
Go south
I can see a klaxon here.
You go upwards
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Go east
Look around
Now I stand in the master suite. A monument to OPULENCE and SOPHISTICATION, such as the world has never seen! Well-balanced Doric columns, gilt everywhere, and crimson walls that say, "Here sleeps one such as the world has never seen!" Mirrors line the walls and ceiling, drawing the eye to a magnificent painting of Rex Dashing! And the bed! It's ENORMOUS! As much as I hate Dashing, I have to admit that he's got style. The exit to port leads back to the main deck.
You examine the painting
Curse you, Rex Dashing, with your RIDICULOUS little moustache and your horrible smirk! What do the women see in him?
You examine the mirrors
I'm reminded of an optics paper I wrote a few years ago analyzing the behavior of light in large gravitational fields.
Break mirror
I would prefer to use my amazing brain rather than rely on brute force.
Shoot portrait
Take that, you contemptible coward! There, I've shot that stupid moustache off his stupid face. Serves him right.
Line 3
Only two lines are active.
You hang up
Are you sure you want to quit the game?
Go west
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You examine the door
The reinforced lead-lined door is closed.
You examine the lever
This emergency lever controls the ladder reaching up to the balloon. During normal operations, it's not usable. It's currently on.
Up
The emergency ladder is retracted. It can only be extended in an EMERGENCY---namely, a glorious nuclear meltdown.
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I'm standing at the edge of a vast tank, above which a cage is suspended. Fortunately, I'm no longer in the cage. I know you're already aware of that fact; I just like repeating it. There is a prominent red button on the wall, and an exit leads south. There's also a trapdoor high overhead.

I can see a steel cage here.
You enter the cage
Let me try to---urgh, it's no use. The bars are too close together; I can't squeeze through.
You look at the tank
It's a massive tank of water over which a cage has been suspended. I suppose this sort of ridiculous setup is de rigueur among a certain class of supervillain, but I prefer my deathtraps to be far more refined and elegant. The tank is closed, which means I no longer have to confront that octopus.
Inventory
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a harpoon
a paper fan
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a black bag (which is open but empty)
a gecko tail
You examine the bag
My beloved bag! It's a black leather case I use to carry my thievery tools on missions such as this one. Dashing's robot goons took it from me when they imprisoned me in the cage.

The black bag is open.
You eat bag
Unfortunately, whatever solvents and preparations were involved in making the leather into a bag have also made it unsuitable to my particular talent. It's a convenient way to cary the tools of my trade, nothing more.
Go south
I can see a green book and a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
You eat it
I don't get any special powers unless I eat a bit of an animal, or at least something that used to be an animal. Plants and minerals are not of any use to me.
Go up
I can see a klaxon here.
Go east
There is a small desk next to the bed.
You examine the bed
It's a mercifully plain bed.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

I'm on the main deck of my ship---MY ship, not Dashing's. The deck is made of the finest, technologically advanced materials, and a tall railing runs around its perimeter. There is the reassuring sight of an ATOMIC REACTOR to port, and there are also smaller rooms fore and starboard. A gangway leads belowdecks.

My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Go east
You get on the bed
There will be time for rest after my VICTORY. For now, we continue to fight.
Answer line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

The airship's guest suite is bare and uninviting, possibly a ploy by Dashing to make his own room more appealing. There is a bed, of course, and a tacky rug is underfoot. The only exit is to the west.

There is a small desk next to the bed.
You remove the helmet
NO. The helmet stays where it is. I'm NOT wandering about this ship with the most important part of me exposed. Besides, I have sworn never to be seen without my ASTOUNDING ATOMIC HELMET!
You remove the jetpack
Impossible! Dirk Radon would NEVER discard his ATOMIC JETPACK.
You turn on the jetpack
The jetpack sputters but fails to start.
You check your inventory
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a green book
a harpoon
a paper fan
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a black bag (which is open but empty)
a gecko tail
You go upwards
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You go to the north
I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You break the flask with the harpoon
I give the flask a sound thrashing, but I don't succeed in dislodging the ice. It's frozen solid; brute force won't work.
You look at globe
I instinctively find London on it.
Spin globe
Wheee! Everyone likes to spin globes, right?
You examine table
It's de rigueur for any well-established plutocrat, or at least for anyone trying to establish himself as one.

On top of the long table is a globe.
Search table
On the long table is a globe.
You look at the chairs
The chairs are, much like Dashing himself, overstuffed and uncomfortably smooth.
Blow flask
(first taking the vacuum flask)
It's too heavy for me to lift, but I could push it.
Spin flask
Nothing obvious happens.
Look around
I'm in a comfortable room with a long table flanked by opulent leather chairs. It looks like a corporate board room, though there are fortunately no cigar-chomping plutocrats in evidence. A mahogany door leads south, and there is a conspicuous trapdoor beneath the table.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
Answer line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I'm in a comfortable room with a long table flanked by opulent leather chairs. It looks like a corporate board room, though there are fortunately no cigar-chomping plutocrats in evidence. A mahogany door leads south, and there is a conspicuous trapdoor beneath the table.

I can see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
Go downwards
There's a set of lockpicks here, incongruously.

I can also see a klaxon here.
Go upwards
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You look at relay
It's a radio system, somehow intact despite Dashing's incompetence. It's currently on.
You speak into the microphone
The radio is off. It must be supplied with ELECTRICAL POWER for me to broadcast to the masses, but the airship is running on emergency power; there's not enough left for the radio.
You descend
I can see a display case (which contains a mace and a cudgel) here.
You go west
I can see a terrarium (which contains a gecko) and a metal enclosure (which is open and contains a large red lever) here.
You speak into the microphone
I've practiced this a thousand times. All right, let's begin.

COWER, PITIFUL INSECTS! You are hearing the words of your intellectual superior! I address you from the doomed airship Mephistopheles, former den of that smirking impecile, Rex Dashing. "Former," I say, because soon nothing will remain of it but a cloud of radioactive ash. As for the good captain himself, he's fled like the worthless coward he is. Nothing can stop Professor DIRK RADON, the IRRADIATABLE MAN! Bwahahahahaha!
Answer line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

The beautiful open sky is around me here on the top deck of the ship. It's a pleasant setting; a high railing even protects me from most of the wind. The view is spoiled somewhat by a garish metal structure to the west, but there are smaller rooms to the north and east. A gangway leads down to the lower decks.

Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You open the door with lockpicks
Done. That sound you hear in the background, Owl, is an alarm going off. I trust you have something in mind; I'm not going to be useful as a sneak-thief if I can't sneak around.

2.

The alarm? What that devil could--- No! I have to stay focused! My magnificent soliloquy will NOT be stopped! I'll deal the alarm later.

1.

[Your fee has just gone up by $4 million.]
Go down
I can see a klaxon here.

You hear a loud, insistent buzzer over the line.

2.

The alarm? What that devil could--- No! I have to stay focused! My magnificent soliloquy will NOT be stopped! I'll deal the alarm later.

1.
Answer line 1
You're already on line 1 with Amelia.
Go upwards
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You go west
(first opening the reinforced lead-lined door)

I'm in a very unfamiliar place. Hmm, how to describe it...well, it looks like a metal lean-to, with a cacophony of fans and gears whirring inside. Being here makes me long for being under the wide-open skies on the main deck of the airship, or even in the octopus tank again.

There is a passage leading deeper into the reactor to the north, as well as a much more inviting exit east.

A hideous, burbling monster made of slime and ichor blocks the way further inside.
You examine the monster
It's a ghastly thing, like a great roiling mass of slime and ichor. It looks like something out of a penny dreadful.

I'm having trouble moving about in here, Owl. My entire body is unnaturally warm, and I feel ill. I'm not sure this place is safe.
Go upwards
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and an orange striped lever here.
You examine the monster
It's one of those ugly things you get growing sometimes when you don't remember to keep the vermin away from the mutagens. If you haven't seen one, it looks like a big iridescent amoeba, and smells like a backed-up lab sink. It's bubbling quietly to itself for the moment, but these things have a temper.
You examine flask
It's a modified dewar, securely closed. There are casters on the bottom.

The vacuum flask is closed.
You open it
Curses, it's stuck. The flask must have frozen shut in the cold. Dashing must have failed to maintain it properly; I'm sure something I designed would never have such an obvious flaw.
You go east
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
You take the mace and the cudgel
mace: Taken.
cudgel: Blast it, Owl! I'm already carrying the mace; it's just too heavy.
You go to the west
A disgusting sludge monster blocks the way further inside.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You hit the monster with the mace
That's hardly a useful weapon, let alone something effective against a bizarre slime monster.
Go downwards
I can see a display case (which contains a cudgel) here.
You go to the west
A disgusting sludge monster blocks the way further inside.

I can also see a mace and a vacuum flask (which is closed) here.
You hit the monster with the cudgel
I've given it a smashing blow, but the cudgel just sinks into the mass of slime. It's like punching a bowl of pudding.
Go downward
I can see a display case here.
You read the book
Very well, if you insist. Here, under protest, is an excerpt from the book.

And I, the illustrious Captain Rex Dashing, bravely set out to
fight the sludge monster! A lesser man might have blenched at such a foe, but not Rex Dashing! Years of bravely exploring the farthest corners of the earth had proven my resolve! Besides, the hero never backs down! I fired a few rounds from my shotgun into it, but it didn't even notice! I even smote it with the butt of my gun, but the gelatinous fiend just ignored it! But every gentleman explorer has a backup plan! I wrested a spear from one of my guides and pierced the monster with it! Even though shooting or bludgeoning was ineffective against the monster, the sharp point of the spear cut through its slimy hide like paper! When I returned to the ship, the unspoiled women of the village were so impressed with my valor that---

I think that's a good place to stop.
You check what you're carrying
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a set of lockpicks
a green book
a harpoon
a paper fan
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a black bag (which is open but empty)
a gecko tail
You go west
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Answer line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

This room is filled with the trophies from Dashing's safaris throughout the world, or at least what he claims to be his trophies. It used to be filled with my awards and accolades for SCIENTIFIC BRILLIANCE, rather than the grubby souvenirs of a cretinous lout. But the world will soon feel my ATOMIC FURY once again, with your help.

Exits lead fore, port, and starboard (the last through a heavy metal door), and a staircase leads up.

I can see a cudgel and a display case here.
Go upwards
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see a harpoon and an orange striped lever here.
You go to the west
A disgusting sludge monster blocks the way further inside.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is closed) and a mace here.
You hit monster with the harpoon
Prepare to die, monster! You have no chance against DIRK RADON, SCIENTIFIC SUPERGENIUS!

I've dealt it a sharp blow, Owl. It's getting weaker.
Continue
Take that, monster! Nothing can stop DIRK RADON, the UNIRRADIATABLE MAN!

I've dealt it a sharp blow, Owl. It's getting weaker.
Continue
Prepare to die, monster! You have no chance against DIRK RADON, SCIENTIFIC SUPERGENIUS!

I've dealt it a severe blow, Owl. It's getting weaker.
Continue
Prepare to die, monster! You have no chance against DIRK RADON, SCIENTIFIC SUPERGENIUS!

Huzzah, the monster is slain! Another GLORIOUS VICTORY for genius scientist DIRK RADON! I've hacked it into a series of gelatinous pieces, which have oozed into the floor. Mostly, anyway; there's a bit of residue congealing on the ground. I also seem to have suffered a slight cut---from the aggressive monster, of course, and not from carelessly nicking myself on the spear. Ah, well; the bloodstain will serve as a reminder to my foes that I'm willing to risk ANYTHING to advance the cause of science.

[Your fee has just gone up by $2 million.]
You put the flask in the pool
Done. There's a bit of hissing and smoke as the dewar warms up.
You get it
All right, I've laboriously pulled the dewar out of the pool.
You open it
All right, I've opened the vacuum flask, revealing a lead box.
You get box
It looks like some sort of natural "science" apparatus, probably for gathering tissue samples or some such nonsense. I'd rather not deal with something that grubby.
You get the rods
I can raise or lower the rods, but they're otherwise fixed in place.
You examine the wheel
It's heavily corroded---curse you, Dashing!---but still turns.
Turn wheel
A lead barrier wall rises up from the floor.
Continue
A lead barrier wall sinks into the floor.
You examine rods
To think, these pathetic cylinders of metal are all that stand between me and my REVENGE! They're currently lowered, meaning that they're inhibiting the reaction rate.
Lift rods
Done.

The reactor pool is bubbling as it heats up with beautiful NUCLEAR ENERGY.
Turn wheel
A lead barrier wall rises up from the floor.

The reactor pool is bubbling as it heats up with beautiful NUCLEAR ENERGY.
You go south
The barrier blocks the way.

The reactor pool is bubbling as it heats up with beautiful NUCLEAR ENERGY.
Turn wheel
A lead barrier wall sinks into the floor.

The reactor pool is bubbling as it heats up with beautiful NUCLEAR ENERGY.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go south
I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, and a mace here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go to the east
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go north
I can see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and a reactor pool (which contains some control rods) here.

The reactor pool is bubbling as it heats up with beautiful NUCLEAR ENERGY.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go upward
I'm now atop my ship, the wind whipping around me dramatically. Apparently that blasted dandy Dashing took afternoon tea here; a lounge chair sits out of the worst of the wind, with a footstool---a FOOTSTOOL, of all things---delicately placed in front of it. A waist-high mahogany barrier encircles this narrow lookout post, providing a modest insurance against accidents but little shelter.

A ladder leads down to the main deck.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You examine the chair
Dashing is responsible for this worthless indulgence, not me. I built an efficient, spartan airship; that idiot ruined it with his worthless frivolities.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You look at the footstool
The plush footstool is a gaudy salmon-pink, like the rest of the upholstery. It's undoubtedly for Dashing to rest his feet on, the lazy ass.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You open it
That's not something I can open.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go upward
I can't go that way.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You switch on the jetpack
The jetpack sputters but fails to start.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You jump
Before I do this, Owl, make sure that there's nothing else I need to do on the airship. There's obviously no coming back once I jump off and the airship explodes in a nuclear fireball.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You sit on the chair
Bah! I have more important things to do than lounge about.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go downwards
My deactivated robots are stationed around the deck.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go north
I can see a silver punch card here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go west
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and an orange striped lever here.
You open the flask
That's already open.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You descend
I can see a klaxon here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go upward
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You take the box
Taken.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!

[Your fee has just gone up by $5 million.]
Examine box
This is it, Owl! We've done it! Inside this box is the Telepathic God-Slug of Madagascar, which when combined with my metamorphic abilities will allow me to bring about a new world of peace and cooperation! Now all I need to do is to escape the ship.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go upwards
I'm standing on the top of the ship, in a narrow lookout post with the open sky above me. As a nod to domesticity, there is a lounge chair and convenient footstool here, though I don't know how Dashing could stand the constantly buffeting wind. A priceless mahogany barrier rings the post, tall enough to block out the worst of the wind, but short enough to jump over.

A ladder leads down to the main deck.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You examine the chair
Dashing has dragged this salmon-pink montrosity onto the deck for some inscrutable reason of his own.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You look at the footstool
Next to the lounge chair is a pink footstool.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You jump
Before I do this, Owl, make sure that there's nothing else I need to do on the airship. There's obviously no coming back once I jump off.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You jump
Very well. I hope you know what you're doing, Owl. Let me just climp onto the railing. Steady now, that's quite a drop. I didn't get to this point by being timid, though, so one...two...three!

I'm plummeting through the air toward the earth below. I say, this is quite thrilling, but I trust you have something clever in mind.

I'm managing to keep my composure, despite plunging toward the ground at a truly alarming rate. It won't do any good, though, unless you have a plan. Let's finish off the mission, Owl, and get me to safety.
Go downward
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go west
I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, and a mace here.

I'm having trouble moving about in here, Owl. My entire body is unnaturally warm, and I feel ill. I'm not sure this place is safe.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You eat the slime
Must I really eat that? Let me hold my nose a bit first...

Urgh, that was certainly foul. My skin has become more blubbery and tough, like vulcanized rubber. It's a bit tricky to walk, but I think I can take quite a bit more of a punch now.

I'm sorry, Owl, but I'm not feeling up to continuing. I feel hot all over, and my stomach...I need to sit down for just a moment and...rest...
You eat the blood
Yuck! The depths to which I must stoop in pursuit of my goals. I hope you're know what you're doing...

I have, under protest, tasted a bit of the blood. The world seems to have become darker and colder, as if light and heat were simply passing through me.

Owl, the alarm is---

The line immediately goes dark.
Go east
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open) and an orange striped lever here.

Owl, the alarm is---

The line immediately goes dark.
You go upward
Please give one of the answers above.
You take the fan
I already have that.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You look at fan
A proper Victorian paper fan. When I first infiltrated the ship as a society darling, it was an integral part of my disguise; now it's just a decoration.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You eat the footstool
I don't get any special powers unless I eat a bit of an animal, or at least something that used to be an animal. Plants and minerals are not of any use to me.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Inventory
I've got the zeta-transmitter your man gave me, concealed in a cameo I'm wearing around my neck. I'm also carrying:
a lead box (which is closed)
a set of lockpicks
a green book
a paper fan
a scarf
an aquamarine punch card
an access card
a black bag (which is open but empty)
a gecko tail

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Go downward
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go to the west
I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, and a mace here.

I'm having trouble moving about in here, Owl. My entire body is unnaturally warm, and I feel ill. I'm not sure this place is safe.

Owl, the alarm is---

The line immediately goes dark.
Look around
The reactor! I'm never quite so at home as I am within a nuclear reactor? The great expanse of metal beneath me, the turbines, the invigorating ATOMIC FIZZ of radioactive isotopes tingling on my skin? Ah, how I love it!

There is a passage fore leading deeper into the reactor, as well as a much less inviting exit starboard.

I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, a vacuum flask (which is closed), and a mace here.
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I've found my way into Captain Dashing's bedroom. I suppose that's the dream of many a foolish young lady, isn't it?

The ceiling is reflective, if you can believe such a thing, and the walls are done in the most tasteless mishmash of gilt Romanesque columns, gothic candelabras, and red velvet wallpaper you can possibly imagine. There are mirrors everywhere, and rather a grandiose portrait of the Captain himself hanging on one of the walls. The entire habitat is clearly calculated to overwhelm one's good sense until one cannot help but swoon onto the absurd contraption passing for a bed. An exit west leads back to the main deck of the airship.
You go west
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see an orange striped lever here.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

The reactor! I'm never quite so at home as I am within a nuclear reactor? The great expanse of metal beneath me, the turbines, the invigorating ATOMIC FIZZ of radioactive isotopes tingling on my skin? Ah, how I love it!

There is a passage fore leading deeper into the reactor, as well as a much less inviting exit starboard.

I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, a vacuum flask (which is closed), and a mace here.
Go north
I'm perched at the edge of the reactor pool, which bubbles encouragingly as ATOMIC POWER courses through it. It will be a shame to destroy something so beautiful, but nothing will stand between me and my revenge on Dashing. The pool could use a good scrub, but at least the control rods are still intact. The exit from the reactor is aft, and there is a rusted wheel mounted on the wall beside it.

I can see a reactor pool (which contains some control rods) here.
You go south
I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, a vacuum flask (which is closed), and a mace here.
You pull the lever
The lever doesn't budge. It can only be used in an EMERGENCY---a nuclear meltdown, for example.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Continue
The emergency ladder springs up, allowing me to access the upper balloon.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You go north
I can see a silver punch card here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
Line 1
You switch back to Amelia on line 1.

I've found my way into Captain Dashing's bedroom. I suppose that's the dream of many a foolish young lady, isn't it?

The ceiling is reflective, if you can believe such a thing, and the walls are done in the most tasteless mishmash of gilt Romanesque columns, gothic candelabras, and red velvet wallpaper you can possibly imagine. There are mirrors everywhere, and rather a grandiose portrait of the Captain himself hanging on one of the walls. The entire habitat is clearly calculated to overwhelm one's good sense until one cannot help but swoon onto the absurd contraption passing for a bed. An exit west leads back to the main deck of the airship.
You go west
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You take the box
Taken.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!

[Your fee has just gone up by $5 million.]
You examine the harpoon
One of Dashing's toys. This one is a harpoon with a sharp tip.
You look at the slime
It's a disgusting slime residue.
You take it
Dealing with the monster was demeaning enough. I'm not about to waste my time dealing with its by-products.
You go to the north
I can see a silver punch card here.
Go west
I can see a sludge deposit, a bloodstain, a vacuum flask (which is closed), and a mace here.

I'm having trouble moving about in here, Owl. My entire body is unnaturally warm, and I feel ill. I'm not sure this place is safe.
You eat the slime
Must I really eat that? Let me hold my nose a bit first...

Urgh, that was certainly foul. My skin has become more blubbery and tough, like vulcanized rubber. It's a bit tricky to walk, but I think I can take quite a bit more of a punch now.

I'm sorry, Owl, but I'm not feeling up to continuing. I feel hot all over, and my stomach...I need to sit down for just a moment and...rest...
You eat the blood
Yuck! The depths to which I must stoop in pursuit of my goals. I hope you're know what you're doing...

I have, under protest, tasted a bit of the blood. The world seems to have become darker and colder, as if light and heat were simply passing through me.
Line 2
You switch back to Dirk on line 2.

I'm in the robot command area of the ship, its innermost cortex from which Dashing directs MY automata. Pfaugh! The lout! The electromechanical computation engine seems to be in recent repair, fortunately. Ah, and there's the bookshelf, where the technical manuals and programmer's notes are meant to be stored. The aft exit leads back to the main deck.

I can see a silver punch card here.
You go to the west
I can see a bloodstain, a vacuum flask (which is closed), and a mace here.
You go west
Motionless robots litter the deck. Even deactivated, they're still imposing.

I can also see a vacuum flask (which is open and contains a lead box) and an orange striped lever here.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You eat the slime
Must I really eat that? Let me hold my nose a bit first...

Urgh, that was certainly foul. My skin has become more blubbery and tough, like vulcanized rubber. It's a bit tricky to walk, but I think I can take quite a bit more of a punch now.

You hear a loud bell and a mechanized voice over the line: Danger! Danger! Meltdown imminent! Evacuate immediately! Danger!
You look around
I'm plummeting through the air toward the earth below. I say, this is quite thrilling, but I trust you have something clever in mind.

I say, the ground looks awfully close from here---literally awful. I trust you have something clever in mind.