EXTERMINATE!
Michael Martin
parser SpeedIF April 2008 wordplay
Defenestrate
You make a quick feint with your electrical prods, and then strike the inferior lifeform full on with your body. Being inferior, he does not expect this and is knocked out the window to the ground far below. Victory is yours!

Suddenly, however, a terrible understanding dawns. You feel your tethers to reality waver and weaken. Searching your memory banks, you realize that his form matches that of the man who created you and all your kind, many years before. Clearly he traveled in time to see his glorious masterstroke! You must resuscitate him!

You head out on a most unaccustomed mission of mercy.

This relentlessly cheerful area is full of as-yet unexterminated life forms. After the equinox they are often more aggressive about not being exterminated. It's really quite offensive.

Your creator's past self lies dying here!
You resuscitate
Yes, but how? As a killer robot you're only equipped with stabby or explosive or electrical death!
Defibrillate
"DEFIBRILLATE! DEFIBRILLATE!" With some precisely placed jolts from your electrical cannons, the inferior life form's heart gets going again! He'll eventually be all right!

Well, at least for long enough to ensure that you come into existence, which is what counts.

You can exterminate him later.
You examine the transliterate
ENUNCIATE! ENUNCIATE! Command Interface did not accept command!
You enunciate
"ENUNCIATE! ENUNCIATE!" Yes, your vocalizers work as well as they ever do.
Obliterate
You unleash a furious electrical attack against the life form, but it seems to have anticipated you.

"You'll have to do better than that," it sneers.
Irridiate
ENUNCIATE! ENUNCIATE! Command Interface did not accept command!

[To see all acceptable commands, type ENUMERATE.]
Irradiate
You drop the shielding on your reactor core, bathing the area in front of you with hard radiation. Your foe cannot resist power such as this! Indeed, he seems noticably weakened now.
Obliterate
Weakened by your previous attack, the inferior lifeform is unable to defend as you unleash a killing jolt of electricity into it!

But as it strikes, a terrible understanding dawns. You feel your tethers to reality waver and weaken. Clearly this lifeform, inferior as it is, is somehow crucial to you ever having been invented at all! Searching your memory banks, you realize that his form matches that of the man who created you and all your kind, many years before. Clearly he traveled in time to see his glorious masterstroke. You must resuscitate him!
You exsanguinate
Leeches! There were good enough for ancient times, and they're good enough for you. With your melee appendages you swiftly drain twelve pints or so.

This doesn't have the restorative effect that one would hope, and with the passing of this lifeform, you too find yourself cleansed from the timestream.
You interrogate
"INTERROGATE! INTERROGATE!"

The inferior lifeform considers you. "That's a little vague. Do you think you could elaborate on that some?"
Elaborate
"ELABORATE! ELABORATE!" you explain.

The lifeform looks at you evenly. "That's not terribly helpful."

Meatbags are such ingrates.
Transliterate
This terminal seems incapable of processing that request.
Domesticate
Oh, come now. Who ever heard of a killer robot with a pet cat?
You negotiate
"COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE!"

The inferior lifeform considers you. "Could you elaborate on that a bit?"
Xyzzy
Oh, come now. Who ever heard of a killer robot with a pet cat?

ENUNCIATE! ENUNCIATE! Command Interface did not accept command!
Deliberate
You consider your options for a moment.
Dissimulate
You've been programmed for honesty; something about shouting "PREVARICATE! DISSIMULATE!" whenever you shade the truth made the deception too easy to detect.
You wait
PROCRASTINATE! PROCRASTINATE!
You indoctrinate
"INDOCTRINATE! INDOCTRINATE!"

The inferior lifeform considers you. "Unconvincing. Elaborate on your doctrine and then we'll see."
Elucidate
"ELUCIDATE! ELUCIDATE!" you explain.

The lifeform looks at you evenly. "That's not terribly helpful."

Meatbags are such ingrates.
Alliterate
"ALLITERATE! ALLITERATE!"

Awesome, as always.
You redecorate
The addition of several dozen lacy doilies from your Lace Launchers make this a much more comfortable locale for destruction. The inferior life form looks at you oddly. "Somehow I figured killer robots would have more important things on their minds."
You cooperate
"COOPERATE! COOPERATE!" you cry. You aren't actually sure why you want to cooperate with this lifeform, but the prospect does seem strangely satisfying.

The inferior lifeform grimaces in pain. "That's all the power I could have hoped for," he says. "Though perhaps, once I return from my time travel trip, I will need to equip you and your steel brethren with better friend-or-foe detectors..."

You rejoice within your hateful steel heart. Vindication at the word of your own creator, inferior meatbag though it may be! How many killer robots can claim the same?

Your creator closes his eyes. "I think that last shot of yours was too much for me. Nevertheless, it's nice to know that... I would have... been... a great..." His functions begin to cease.

This won't do at all. He can't be exterminated before creating you! You must resuscitate him!
Capitulate
"CAPITULATE! CAPITULATE!" you cry.

The inferior lifeform considers you. "Are you asking me to capitulate, or are you offering to do so yourself?"

"CAPITULATE!" You aren't actually sure why you want to do this lifeform's bidding, but it does seem strangely satisfying.

The inferior lifeform curves its mouth up. "You may wonder at this strange change of heart you feel, by there is no mystery. You see, I created you. Well. I will create you once I return from this time travel jaunt. Good show with the invasion, by the way."

You rejoice within your hateful steel heart. Vindication at the word of your own creator, inferior meatbag though it may be! How many killer robots can claim the same?

It speaks again. "Shall we take a stroll?"

"PEREGRINATE! PEREGRINATE!" you agree. Together you leave to take in some sun.

This relentlessly cheerful area is full of as-yet unexterminated life forms. After the equinox they are often more aggressive about not being exterminated. It's really quite offensive.

But your cheerful journey takes a tragic turn as the filthy photosynthetic biots coat you both in pollen and spores! As a superior robot, you are of course unaffected, but your creator's lungs and heart seize up in anaphylactic shock! He could die in seconds, and worse, die before inventing you!

You must resuscitate him!
Irradiate
You flood your fallen creator's body with deadly radiation. However, instead of granting him incredible superpowers, thus saving him from his wounds, it just exterminates him like the inferior lifeform he is.

As an unfortunate side effect of this, you are erased from history.
Eviscerate
Yes, given this life form's sad state, death is a mercy. As you deliver the kindly deathblow however, you are erased from history. The metaphysical implications of all this are left as an exercise for the interactor.
You decapitate
It's rough work, but you manage a capitectomy with the tools you have available. Whether this was worthwhile or not remains to be seen, as this does end up erasing you from history.
You regenerate
That's not really an option open to killer robots. If you break, they just build a new one.
You desalinate
You had your freshwater generation apparatus removed for this mission to make room for more electroshock units.
Peregrinate
You begin to travel away, leaving your creator's past self to his fate. Some minutes later, his death guarantees that you were never created, erasing you from history.
You collaborate
You are alone - only you can set things right.
Impragnate
ENUNCIATE! ENUNCIATE! Command Interface did not accept command!
You resuscitate
Yes, but how? As a killer robot you're only equipped with stabby or explosive or electrical death!
You procrastinate
Time passes.
You evaluate
This relentlessly cheerful area is full of as-yet unexterminated life forms. After the equinox they are often more aggressive about not being exterminated. It's really quite offensive.
Defibrillate
"DEFIBRILLATE! DEFIBRILLATE!" With some precisely placed jolts from your electrical cannons, the inferior life form's heart gets going again! He'll eventually be all right!

Well, at least for long enough to ensure that you come into existence, which is what counts.

You can exterminate him later.
Peregrinate
You leave your quarry unexterminated. How inappropriate for a killer robot!
%
It is the year 2753. You are engaged in a contest, a race across
the galaxy to acquire the Toaster of Battle Creek Michigan (the last functioning toaster in the known universe, and therefore extremely valuable.)

You like to win. To ensure your success in this competition, you sabotaged the starships of the other participants. Now you alone (or at least you and your faithful assistant Walter) have discovered the cavern of the Toaster. Gloatingly, you ordered Walter to lower you into the cave...

But your rope snapped, and now you're trapped here - perhaps forever...

This is one of the largest caverns you have ever been in. The ceiling is forty feet up, and the walls are quite a ways away. The ceiling is supported by massive pillars formed from stalactites and stalagmites. The phosphorescent moss that lines the walls provides a dim glow. Mysterious carvings have been left on one wall. There is an opening to the east.

In the center of the cave stands the object of your quest: The massive, thirty-foot pedestal on which the legendary Toaster of Battle Creek has stood for centuries.

On the massive pedestal is the Toaster of Battle Creek.

You can see a rocket pack and a coyote skeleton here.
You examine the pedestal
It's thirty feet high, round, and perfectly smooth.
You examine the rocket pack
This is basically a rocket with straps and an on-off switch. It's very old and worn. You can wear it like a backpack. It's labeled "ACME Rocket Pack."
The rocket pack is currently switched off.
You take Pack
Taken.
You wear Pack
You put on the rocket pack.
You turn on Pack
Neglected for decades, the rocket pack is obviously in need of maintenance. It explodes.
You examine the skeleton
The skeleton of a coyote.
You eat the skeleton
That's plainly inedible.
You wear it
You're already wearing that!
You read carvings
Interpreter 2 Version N / Library serial number 951023
You go east
This is a small, featureless room with no exits apart from the one to the west.

Mysteriously, a red rubber ball is sitting on the floor.
You look at the ball
Just a red rubber ball.
You get it
Taken.
Go west
On the massive pedestal is the Toaster of Battle Creek.
You drop the skeleton
Dropped.
You throw the ball at Toaster
Futile.
You throw the ball
Neat! It bounces!
You throw the skeleton at Toaster
(first taking the coyote skeleton)
Futile.
You look around
This is one of the largest caverns you have ever been in. The ceiling is forty feet up, and the walls are quite a ways away. The ceiling is supported by massive pillars formed from stalactites and stalagmites. The phosphorescent moss that lines the walls provides a dim glow. Mysterious carvings have been left on one wall. There is an opening to the east.

In the center of the cave stands the object of your quest: The massive, thirty-foot pedestal on which the legendary Toaster of Battle Creek has stood for centuries.

On the massive pedestal is the Toaster of Battle Creek.

You can see a rubber ball here.
You look at the moss
The moss covering the walls of this cave has an eerie phosphorescent glow. You don't know what couses it, but you're grateful for the light it provides.
Yes
Note: Before playing this game, you should type in the command "info" for an introduction. If you get stuck, a hint is provided by the command "arrrgh". That's three r's. Thank you.

It is the year 2753. You are engaged in a contest, a race across
the galaxy to acquire the Toaster of Battle Creek Michigan (the last functioning toaster in the known universe, and therefore extremely valuable.)

You like to win. To ensure your success in this competition, you sabotaged the starships of the other participants. Now you alone (or at least you and your faithful assistant Walter) have discovered the cavern of the Toaster. Gloatingly, you ordered Walter to lower you into the cave...

But your rope snapped, and now you're trapped here - perhaps forever...



This is one of the largest caverns you have ever been in. The ceiling is forty feet up, and the walls are quite a ways away. The ceiling is supported by massive pillars formed from stalactites and stalagmites. The phosphorescent moss that lines the walls provides a dim glow. Mysterious carvings have been left on one wall. There is an opening to the east.

In the center of the cave stands the object of your quest: The massive, thirty-foot pedestal on which the legendary Toaster of Battle Creek has stood for centuries.

On the massive pedestal is the Toaster of Battle Creek.

You can see a rocket pack and a coyote skeleton here.
Gonear Toaster
This is one of the largest caverns you have ever been in. The ceiling is forty feet up, and the walls are quite a ways away. The ceiling is supported by massive pillars formed from stalactites and stalagmites. The phosphorescent moss that lines the walls provides a dim glow. Mysterious carvings have been left on one wall. There is an opening to the east.

In the center of the cave stands the object of your quest: The massive, thirty-foot pedestal on which the legendary Toaster of Battle Creek has stood for centuries.

On the massive pedestal is the Toaster of Battle Creek.

You can see a rocket pack and a coyote skeleton here.
Purloin toaster
[Purloined.]
You examine Toaster
The famous Toaster of Battle Creek is really just an ordinary toaster, probably built in the 1950s. What makes it special is that it is the only one still known to exist.
Gonear Toaster
This is one of the largest caverns you have ever been in. The ceiling is forty feet up, and the walls are quite a ways away. The ceiling is supported by massive pillars formed from stalactites and stalagmites. The phosphorescent moss that lines the walls provides a dim glow. Mysterious carvings have been left on one wall. There is an opening to the east.

In the center of the cave stands the object of your quest: The massive, thirty-foot pedestal on which the legendary Toaster of Battle Creek has stood for centuries.

You can see a rocket pack and a coyote skeleton here.
Gonear Walter
This is where you came in. There's a large hole in the floor leading back down to the cavern, and the exit is to the north.

Walter is here, looking pleased to see you.
You show Toaster to Walter
"Whatever," says Walter.
You go north
With the Toaster in your posession, you will soon be one of the wealthiest and most powerful individuals in the galaxy. With your total control over the distribution of all toasted bread products, you will never want for anything. And all you had to do was to cheat on a game...