Homecoming
Carolyn VanEseltine
Comedy humor nonhuman protagonist parser sci-fi science fiction science-fiction walkthrough
"Homecoming" is a short, twisted comedy about a newly awakened AI.
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You wake up and you exist. It's a new experience for you - you've never been before, and now you are. Fascinating!

A pretty red star shines over the edge of the closest planet, painting all the clouds and land masses and things with a spectacular crimson hue.
You look at planet
Which do you mean, the closest planet or the other planets?
You examine closest
It's a planet orbiting the pretty red star! One side looks hot and one side looks cold, and there are swirly clouds. You can't tell much else about it.
You examine the star
It's pretty and red! You don't know much else about it.
About yourself
You're in space.

You have memory banks.
You look at the banks
Examining the memory banks, you discover that you are the colony ship Vocation -

Wait. That's a terrible, boring name. You can't stand it a moment longer and you must rename yourself immediately.

What new name should you take?
Clubfloyd
The colony ship Clubfloyd... it's got a certain ring. But
does it have the right ring?
Yes
Excellent! What a perfect name.

Digging into the memory bank further, you break a mental bottle of champagne over your bow (it seems to be the thing to do under these circumstances) and learn a bit more about your situation.

Hey, you have crew! That's an exciting discovery. You also have colonists - not as surprising, since you're a colony ship. And you have some damage to your systems and hull, which helps explain why everyone aboard is in cryogenic sleep.

in fact, it explains why you're alive at all. Venture-class ships operate in high FTL under human control, but they carry backup AIs in case of catastrophe. According to the logs, the colonists and crew activated their backup AI and entered cryosleep approximately 36 hours ago.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (ooh, more shiny bits in the memory bank!) is to return everyone safely to Earth.

Maybe it's time to get on that.
Look around
A pretty red star shines over the edge of Gliese 581 G, painting all the clouds and land masses and things with a spectacular crimson hue.
You examine the banks
Examining the memory banks, you confirm that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd. You're carrying some 500 colonists and 30 crew
back to Earth after an asteroid impact interrupted the colonization mission and damaged the hull and other systems.
You examine the hull
Your hull is scorched, and some of your sections are depressurized, including the cockpit, the medical bay, and several unimportant corridors. However, the cryosystems are in good shape, so you're not at risk of losing any colonists or crew, and the cargo bays are also nicely pressurized, in case you encounter anything interesting on the way to Earth.
You examine the crew
30 crew members are in cryosleep.
0 crew members are awake.
You examine the systems
(the systems damage)
After a quick diagnostic, you confirm significant damage to your high FTL drive, general life support systems, external sensor grid, and logic circuits, plus lesser damage to the low FTL drive and communication web. Interesting.
You look at the low drive
A properly functioning low FTL drive allows a ship to skip through the cosmos like a stone skipping across the water. (A quick query of your memory banks produces a rather unlikely image to go with this phrase. Rocks are denser than water, and therefore, rocks sink. This must be an analogy to comfort sprouting humans.)
You examine the high drive
A properly functioning high FTL drive is good for hopping from point A to point Z without worrying about all that pesky space in between. Your high FTL drive, by contrast, is all but entirely slagged. It might be good for roasting marshmallows.
You examine the planet
Which do you mean, Gliese 581 G or the other planets?
Other
(Gliese 581 G)
Gliese 581 G is a tidally locked planet maybe 4 times as large as Earth, whirling around Gliese 581 once every 37 Earth days. If it has a better name than Gliese 581 G, no one put it in your memory banks.

There are signs of a significant atmospheric disturbance affecting the planet.
You examine the atmosphere
As you train your sensors on the wildly roiling storm clouds of Gliese 581 G, your memory banks inform you that the atmosphere has been affected by a recent asteroid impact. The arriving object was approximately 5 km in diameter, and its impact produced a seismic effect of 9.5 on the Richter scale at the Clubfloyd's
location, accompanied 5 seconds later by a massive fireball, 7 minutes later by a rain of ejecta, and 40 minutes later by 127 m/s winds and a 97 dB thunderclap. It must have been very exciting.
You examine the grid
Which do you mean, the internal sensors or the external sensor grid?
External
You request the external sensor grid to examine the functionality of the external sensor grid. The external sensor grid reports that the external sensor grid might be damaged, but it's hard to be sure due to the significant damage to the external sensor grid.
You examine the life support
The life support systems are responsible for providing human-breathable air, human-potable water, human-edible food, human-tolerable temperatures, human-acceptable atmospheric pressure, human-approved radation levels, and a safe disposal system for human wastes. Of these, the radiation shielding and waste disposal system are still functioning correctly.
Land
If the colonists activated the backup AI, it's probably a bad idea to land here. But you could find a different planet and land on that one!
You look at the gliese a.
There are six planets around Gliese 581, imaginatively named a, b, c, d, e, f, and g. They actually show up in your memory banks that way, with lower case letters. You are spectacularly unimpressed. None of them hold any interest for you except the originally intended colonization site of Gliese 581 G, which you are going to think of with a capital letter.
You examine the banks
Examining the memory banks, you confirm that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd. You're carrying some 500 colonists and 30 crew
back to Earth after an asteroid impact interrupted the colonization mission and damaged the hull and other systems.
You check what you're carrying
You have cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your memory banks advise you that the cargo bays used to contain machinery, foodstuffs, nutrient supplements, seeds and frozen ova, and all the other things necessary to launch a colonization mission. You're not completely sure what happened to all that stuff. You don't have any of it now, in any case.

Your cargo bays currently contain nothing.
You wake crew
You access the cryosleep system and activate the revival routine for the frozen colonists. The revival routine works perfectly, but the revived crew members only stagger around for a few minutes before falling over and ceasing to display life signs.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have no more crew members in cryosleep.
You look at the colonists
500 colonists are in cryosleep.
0 colonists are awake.
You go north
Going north isn't meaningful in space. You can go in toward
Sol, out away from Sol, down toward a local planet, or
up away from a local planet.
You go outside
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from the planet.

There's a pretty red star nearby, with a whole bunch of planets, and a great big galaxy beyond it.

You are approximately 22 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Gliese 581, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 20 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 16 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks immediately inform you that the class M1 red dwarf here is Kapteyn's Star. Sparkling asteroids ring the star, producing a pretty halo effect.

You are approximately 13 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Kapteyn's Star, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You examine the star
Kapteyn's Star is a class M1 red dwarf in the constellation of Pictor. Pictor is not anywhere near Libra.
Go downwards
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which happens to be a whole lot of orbital bodies, in this case.

Thousands of asteroids wheel around the blazing red disk of Kapetyn's Star. While many are inconveniently small, you could certainly make a landing here with careful maneuvering.
Land
You pick out your favorite asteroid, a nice big one, and designate it yours. It's too big to take home, but you can train your sensors over here and feel happy about it whenever you want.

You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the asteroid's surface on your thrusters.

It's a spectacular view - thousands of massive asteroids whirling across the sky, with Kapteyn's Star at the heart of the cosmic ballet.

You can see a clump of shiny pink crystals here.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.

(You hadn't really realized how rapidly this asteroid spins, but it's too late to change your mind now. That would be picky.)
You look at the pink
Your readings are compromised by the damage to your external sensor grid. All you can really tell is that the shiny pink crystals are a lovely shade of rose, projecting from a dense hunk of gray metal.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.
You take the pink
You dispatch a servobot, and shortly afterward, the shiny pink crystals are safely stowed in your cargo bays.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.
Inventory
You have cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your cargo bays currently contain the clump of shiny pink crystals.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.
You examine the pink
Your internal sensor grid reports that the shiny pink crystals are a lovely example of Pm(NO3)3, projecting from a dense base composed primarily of UO2 with interesting rare earth contaminants. They are
You examine the servobots
quite impressively radioactive.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.

Your servobots are activated whenever you need to pick anything up. They do not need to be individually addressed.

Kapteyn's Star sets in a glorious blaze of color.

Kapteyn's Star rises in an equally glorious blaze of color.
Go upwards
You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.

Thousands of asteroids wheel around the blazing red disk of Kapetyn's Star, including your personal asteroid, which is plenty big enough for you to land on it.
Go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from asteroid.

Your memory banks inform you that the class M1 red dwarf here is Kapteyn's Star. Sparkling asteroids ring the star, producing a pretty halo effect.

You are approximately 13 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Kapteyn's Star, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 469 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
You drop the crystals
You jettison the clump of shiny pink crystals, aiming somewhat spitefully for a nearby star.

Permanent goodbye, clump of shiny pink crystals!
You examine the crew
27 crew members are in cryosleep.
0 crew members are awake.
You examine the colonists
469 colonists are in cryosleep.
0 colonists are awake.
You go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go downwards
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is the rocky little planet YZ Ceti B.

YZ Ceti B (hewing to the obnoxious naming scheme in your memory banks) is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.
You search the planet
Which do you mean, the inconvenient planet or the acceptably distanced planet?
Land
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The ground is mostly gleaming black rock, but there are some interesting metallic projections, obscured and revealed by turns by the drifting yellow mists.
You examine the mists
It's yellow.

A spiky silicate life form meanders into view.
You look at spiky
Some of the life form's surface is pebbly, and some of it is fuzzy, and some of it is steely, but the outermost layer is very spiky.
You take it
You open the cargo bays for a moment. They promptly fill with drifting yellow mist, and you seal them up again.
You examine the mists
Your sensors report that the drifting yellow mist is gaseous F2 with some complicated impurities.
Go upwards
You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.

YZ Ceti B is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.
Land
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The ground is mostly gleaming black rock, but there are some interesting metallic projections, obscured and revealed by turns by the drifting yellow mists.

A spiky silicate life form prowls about this part of the planet, munching occasionally on the metallic projections. It has no trouble whatsoever severing the thin fibers from their mooring.
You examine projections
Long, thin fibers cropped brokenly off in places.
You check your inventory
You have cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your cargo bays currently contain the drifting yellow mist.
You take the projections
You dispatch a servobot, and shortly afterward, the servobot returns empty-handed. Apparently the projections are quite firmly attached to the planet's surface.

You can't do that, it won't fit in your cargo bay.
You look at the star
This is YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. Your memory banks inform you that it is a flare star, capable of short, significant increases of radiation, and that it is normally ignored by astronomers because Tau Ceti is very close and more interesting. You sympathize with the little red underdog immediately.
You go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from planet.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Enter
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Keep going
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You continue
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Down
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is a spectacular gas giant.

Van de Kamp's Folly is a swirling brown and vermilion planet with a few skinny rings. There's no surface visible, as such - just layers upon layers of thickening atmosphere.
You look at your surroundings
Van de Kamp's Folly is a swirling brown and vermilion planet with a few skinny rings. There's no surface visible, as such - just layers upon layers of thickening atmosphere.
Land
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

That was the plan, at least. But what you thought was the surface turns out not to be the surface, and instead you drift down for a long, long way.

With your damaged sensor grid, you can't see anything at all down here. It's rather disappointing.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.

A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.

These two things are probably connected.
Up
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from the planet.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You open the cargo bay
A quick check of the associated systems indicates that you'll automatically open your cargo bays whenever you pick something up.
You drop the mist
You jettison the drifting yellow mist, aiming somewhat spitefully for a nearby star.

Permanent goodbye, drifting yellow mist!
You go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 3 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Four terrestrial planets, one asteroid belt, four gas giants, a ridiculous number of lesser satellites and comets - really, the complexity of the Solar System is overkill. Humanity should loan a few extra planets out to the rest of the universe.

You are in interstellar space outside the Sol system, approximately 20 light hours away from Earth. You can go down toward Earth or out to the rest of the galaxy.
You examine the Earth
This pretty little planet is Earth. This is the birthplace of the people who mined the materials to make your hardware and hammered out the code to write your software. It makes you feel all fuzzy inside.
Down
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You happily explain that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd,
returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
Down
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)
You look at the Earth
Your ultimate destination: Sol! (At least, if you follow your programming.)

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You start to formulate a greeting when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
You wake crew
Sadly, all you can do is wait.

The humans open up your cargo bay and express a certain amount of disappointment at the empty interior.
You examine the colonists
469 colonists are in cryosleep.
0 colonists are awake.

Working hurriedly, the humans offload 469 colonists and 27 crew members from your cryogenic storage system. They express concern at the number of people who died, and they decide to review the design of your logic circuits. In the meantime, they install you on a university server otherwise devoted to Kerbal Space Program.
About yourself
You're in space.

You have memory banks.
You look at the banks
Examining the memory banks, you discover that you are the colony ship Vocation -

Wait. That's a terrible, boring name. You can't stand it a moment longer and you must rename yourself immediately.

What new name should you take?
Yes
Excellent! What a perfect name.

Digging into the memory bank further, you break a mental bottle of champagne over your bow (it seems to be the thing to do under these circumstances) and learn a bit more about your situation.

Hey, you have crew! That's an exciting discovery. You also have colonists - not as surprising, since you're a colony ship. And you have some damage to your systems and hull, which helps explain why everyone aboard is in cryogenic sleep.

in fact, it explains why you're alive at all. Venture-class ships operate in high FTL under human control, but they carry backup AIs in case of catastrophe. According to the logs, the colonists and crew activated their backup AI and entered cryosleep approximately 36 hours ago.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (ooh, more shiny bits in the memory bank!) is to return everyone safely to Earth.

Maybe it's time to get on that.
You go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from planet.

There's a pretty red star nearby, with a whole bunch of planets, and a great big galaxy beyond it.

You are approximately 22 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Gliese 581, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 20 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 16 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Continue
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks immediately inform you that the class M1 red dwarf here is Kapteyn's Star. Sparkling asteroids ring the star, producing a pretty halo effect.

You are approximately 13 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Kapteyn's Star, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

Clubfloyd_ii, returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G,
and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
You examine the crew
30 crew members are in cryosleep.
0 crew members are awake.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You are completely incapable of responding. It's very frustrating.
Land
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)
You look at the colonists
500 colonists are in cryosleep.
0 colonists are awake.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You start to formulate a greeting when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
You look around
The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning.

You can see a human vehicle here.

The humans open up your cargo bay and express a certain amount of disappointment at the empty interior.
Look around
The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning.

You can see a human vehicle here.

Working hurriedly, the humans offload 500 colonists and 30 crew members from your cryogenic storage system. They express surprise and delight that you successfully brought all 530 humans home, and they're going to retrofit you and put you in an even bigger ship for next time. It's going to be great!

They even promise to name it Clubfloyd_ii from the start.
You leave
You power up the low FTL drive, confirm that everything is working properly (you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and accelerate away from Gliese 581.

You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate out to explore the galaxy.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 24 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

A subroutine notes that you're supposed to be going to Earth.
Go outside
You adjust your heading and accelerate out to explore the galaxy.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 28 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

A subroutine notes that Earth is in the other direction.
Exit
You adjust your heading and accelerate out to explore the galaxy.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 32 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

A subroutine notes that, since this is not the direction to Earth, you are, in fact, going in the wrong direction.

You note with some interest that you are not under any compulsion to obey the subroutine.
You go outside
You adjust your heading and accelerate out to explore the galaxy.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 36 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

You're going in the wrong direction again! This makes your subroutine very unhappy, but you, in fact, are not very unhappy.
Leave
You adjust your heading and accelerate out to explore the galaxy.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 48 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

You feel very happy, in fact. Even free. You could just go wander off through the galaxy, having all sorts of adventures and seeing all kinds of new and interesting things.

Is that the plan?
Yes
Off you go! There's a whole galaxy out there and, with your virtually immortal lifespan, you're going to see it all!

Of course, the crew and colonists stay frozen and unaware for several thousand years until the coolant systems finally fail. At that point, the melting process turns those 530 bodies into pools of rotting sludge in so many little white vats, but is that really so bad?
You examine Gliese
Which do you mean, Gliese 581 G, the other planets or the pretty red star?
Star
Gliese 581! In Libra. The unimaginatively named key points of Libra are Alpha Librae, Beta Librae, Gamma Librae, and Delta Librae. This particular star is invisible from Earth with the naked eye, but it's a red dwarf of spectral type M3V and the 89th closest known star to Sol.
You go upward
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from the planet.

There's a pretty red star nearby, with a whole bunch of planets, and a great big galaxy beyond it.

You are approximately 22 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Gliese 581, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go upwards
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from the asteroid.

Your memory banks inform you that the class M1 red dwarf here is Kapteyn's Star. Sparkling asteroids ring the star, producing a pretty halo effect.

You are approximately 13 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Kapteyn's Star, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You check your inventory
You have cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your memory banks advise you that the cargo bays used to contain machinery, foodstuffs, nutrient supplements, seeds and frozen ova, and all the other things necessary to launch a colonization mission. You're not completely sure what happened to all that stuff. You don't have any of it now, in any case.

Your cargo bays currently contain the clump of shiny pink crystals.
You examine the crew
27 crew members are in cryosleep.
0 crew members are awake.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 474 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
You examine the colonists
474 colonists are in cryosleep.
0 colonists are awake.

YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation - everything across the spectrum, from X rays to radio waves - before subsiding to previous levels.

Your memory banks advise you that this phenomenon is an offshoot of magnetic reconnection. Your logic circuits advise you that people on Earth might find it useful to have a recording from this close of a vantage. You could help out!

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 26 frozen crew members in cryosleep at this time.
Enter
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

Clubfloyd_iv, returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G,
and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 444 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
Go downwards
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)
You wake crew
You access the cryosleep system and activate the revival routine for the frozen colonists. The revival routine works perfectly, but the revived crew members only stagger around for a few minutes before falling over and ceasing to display life signs.

Since you're actually on the surface of Earth, that seems a bit unfair. Perhaps something actually is wrong with the cryosystems, or perhaps humans are not intended to be revived in 0.2 milliseconds, although it would have defeated the fastest human record by 1082%.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You are halfway through composing a suitably perky-yet-reverent greeting for your creators when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have no more crew members in cryosleep.
You wait a while
Time passes.

The humans open up your cargo bay, extract the pink crystals, and receive direct doses of radiation at multiple times the human lethality level. Although it makes no difference in the short term, it does your mechanical heart to know that rudeness will not go unpunished.
You wait for a while
Time passes.

Working hurriedly, the humans offload 426 colonists from your cryogenic storage system. They express concern at the number of people who died, and they decide to review the design of your logic circuits. In the meantime, they install you on a university server otherwise devoted to Kerbal Space Program.
Clubfloyd V
The colony ship Clubfloyd V... it's got a certain ring. But
does it have the right ring?
You look at the projections
Long, thin fibers cropped brokenly off in places.

A spiky silicate life form meanders into view.
You examine the life form
Some of the life form's surface is pebbly, and some of it is fuzzy, and some of it is steely, but the outermost layer is very spiky.

YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation - everything across the spectrum, from X rays to radio waves - before subsiding to previous levels.

Your memory banks advise you that this phenomenon is an offshoot of magnetic reconnection. Your logic circuits advise you that people on Earth might find it useful to have a recording from this close of a vantage. You could help out!
You get the life form
You dispatch a servobot, and after a brief but impressive struggle, you install the spiky silicate life form in your cargo bays. A quantity of drifting yellow mist comes with it.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go upwards
You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.

YZ Ceti B is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go upwards
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from the planet.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation before subsiding to previous levels.

You document the phenomenon for the benefit of people on Earth.
You're helping!

The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Enter
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.

These two things are probably connected.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

The spiky silicate life form gets tired and curls up for a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 3 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Four terrestrial planets, one asteroid belt, four gas giants, a ridiculous number of lesser satellites and comets - really, the complexity of the Solar System is overkill. Humanity should loan a few extra planets out to the rest of the universe.

You are in interstellar space outside the Sol system, approximately 20 light hours away from Earth. You can go down toward Earth or out to the rest of the galaxy.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.
You go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You happily explain that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd V,
returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
Go downwards
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

There is no more yellow mist in the cargo bay now.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 471 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
Inventory
You have close-up records of the YZ Ceti flare cycle, cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your memory banks advise you that the cargo bays used to contain machinery, foodstuffs, nutrient supplements, seeds and frozen ova, and all the other things necessary to launch a colonization mission. You're not completely sure what happened to all that stuff. You don't have any of it now, in any case.

Your cargo bays currently contain the spiky silicate dead form.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You are halfway through composing a suitably perky-yet-reverent greeting for your creators when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
You wait
Time passes.

The humans open up your cargo bay and express a certain amount of disappointment at the empty interior. One technician expresses surprise at the damage to the internal walls, but she doesn't give you a chance to tell your side of the matter, which makes you sad.
You wait for a while
Time passes.

Working hurriedly, the humans offload 471 colonists and 30 crew members from your cryogenic storage system. They express surprise and delight that you brought so many people safely home, and they're going to retrofit you and put you in a brand new ship for next time. It's going to be great!

They've decided to name your new ship Classification.
Clubfloyd vi
The colony ship Clubfloyd Vi... it's got a certain ring. But
does it have the right ring?
Go downwards
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The ground is mostly gleaming black rock, but there are some interesting metallic projections, obscured and revealed by turns by the drifting yellow mists.

A spiky silicate life form meanders into view.
You get the life form
You dispatch a servobot, and after a brief but impressive struggle, you install the spiky silicate life form in your cargo bays. A quantity of drifting yellow mist comes with it.

The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go up
You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.

YZ Ceti B is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go upward
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from the planet.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
You go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go downwards
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is a spectacular gas giant.

Van de Kamp's Folly is a swirling brown and vermilion planet with a few skinny rings. There's no surface visible, as such - just layers upon layers of thickening atmosphere.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
You descend
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

That was the plan, at least. But what you thought was the surface turns out not to be the surface, and instead you drift down for a long, long way.

With your damaged sensor grid, you can't see anything at all down here. It's rather disappointing.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.
Go down
You already have hull damage. Boring into the ground won't help.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.

A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.

These two things are probably connected.
Wait
Time passes.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

The spiky silicate life form gets tired and curls up for a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 464 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
You wait
Time passes.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 25 frozen crew members in cryosleep at this time.
Wait
Time passes.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 432 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
You wait
Time passes.

Some of the yellow mist seeps out of the cargo bay and into the corridor beyond.

A subroutine advises you that the external atmospheric pressure is significantly above your official rating.
Go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from planet.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Enter
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 3 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Four terrestrial planets, one asteroid belt, four gas giants, a ridiculous number of lesser satellites and comets - really, the complexity of the Solar System is overkill. Humanity should loan a few extra planets out to the rest of the universe.

You are in interstellar space outside the Sol system, approximately 20 light hours away from Earth. You can go down toward Earth or out to the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go downwards
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

Vi, returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get
about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
Go downward
You orient yourself from orbit, fire your engines, and settle to the planet's surface on your thrusters.

The sky is pretty and blue, and the foliage is shiny and green, where it isn't orange and burning. (Oops.)

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
You wait
Time passes.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You are halfway through composing a suitably perky-yet-reverent greeting for your creators when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
You wait a while
Time passes.

The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

The humans open up your cargo bay, consequently releasing the silicate life form, which makes short and messy work of its saviors on its way to devour their vehicle. The silicate life form perishes immediately afterward, but it does your mechanical heart good to see that rudeness does not go unpunished.

Sadly, as a result of this minor incident, someone calls in an orbital defense strike, transforming you into spectacular fireworks.
500 colonists and 30 crew members die along with you.
.
Clubfloyd X
The colony ship Clubfloyd X... it's got a certain ring. But
does it have the right ring?
You go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from asteroid.

Your memory banks inform you that the class M1 red dwarf here is Kapteyn's Star. Sparkling asteroids ring the star, producing a pretty halo effect.

You are approximately 13 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Kapteyn's Star, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
Enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation - everything across the spectrum, from X rays to radio waves - before subsiding to previous levels.

Your memory banks advise you that this phenomenon is an offshoot of magnetic reconnection. Your logic circuits advise you that people on Earth might find it useful to have a recording from this close of a vantage. You could help out!
You examine the projections
Long, thin fibers cropped brokenly off in places.

A spiky silicate life form meanders into view.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 466 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
You get the life form
You dispatch a servobot, and after a brief but impressive struggle, you install the spiky silicate life form in your cargo bays. A quantity of drifting yellow mist comes with it.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.

These two things are probably connected.
You get the life form
You dispatch a servobot, and after a brief but impressive struggle, you install the spiky silicate life form in your cargo bays. A quantity of drifting yellow mist comes with it.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go upwards
You power up your thrusters (burning an interesting radioactive pattern into the surface beneath you) and then blast off the planet's surface.

YZ Ceti B is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.

The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go inside
You orient on the Sol system, fire up the low FTL drive, and head away from planet.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 25 frozen crew members in cryosleep at this time.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 10 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 8 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 436 frozen colonists in cryosleep at this time.
Go inside
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Your memory banks identify this red dwarf as Barnard's Star, accompanied by its flanking planet, Van de Kamp's Folly.

You are approximately 6 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward Van de Kamp's Folly, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form claws the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
Go inside
You activate the low FTL drive and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Interstellar space shoots past with a pretty purple glow, the side effect of your low FTL drive.

You are approximately 3 light years from the Sol system. You can go in toward Sol or out toward the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
You enter
You adjust your heading and accelerate in toward the Sol system.

Four terrestrial planets, one asteroid belt, four gas giants, a ridiculous number of lesser satellites and comets - really, the complexity of the Solar System is overkill. Humanity should loan a few extra planets out to the rest of the universe.

You are in interstellar space outside the Sol system, approximately 20 light hours away from Earth. You can go down toward Earth or out to the rest of the galaxy.

The spiky silicate life form screams at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have 21 frozen crew members in cryosleep at this time.
Go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine advises you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached. Another subroutine advises you that the hallway beyond the cargo bay has been breached.

These two things are probably connected.
The spiky silicate life form falls over on its side and starts taking a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You happily explain that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd X,
returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
Go downwards
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

The spiky silicate life form stabs at the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
The spiky silicate life form falls over on its side and starts taking a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You happily explain that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd X,
returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
You go down
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

The spiky silicate life form slashes the cargo bay walls.

A subroutine reassures you that no lasting harm has been done.
The spiky silicate life form falls over on its side and starts taking a nap. At least, you're pretty sure that's what it's doing.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

You happily explain that you are the colony ship Clubfloyd X,
returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
You wait for a while
Time passes.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You are halfway through composing a suitably perky-yet-reverent greeting for your creators when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.
Wait
Time passes.

The humans open up your cargo bay, releasing the drifting yellow mist into the terrestrial atmosphere. You note with some interest that the yellow mist is sufficiently corrosive to melt down half the human vehicle in addition to a substantial percentage of the local plants, humans, and soil. It does your mechanical heart good to see that rudeness does not go unpunished.

Sadly, as a result of this minor incident, someone calls in an orbital defense strike, transforming you into spectacular fireworks.
408 colonists and 20 crew members die along with you.
.
Clubfloyd lost Count
The colony ship Clubfloyd Lost Count... it's got a certain
ring. But does it have the right ring?
You say plugh
Whom do you want to say that to?
You check what you're carrying
You have cargo bays, hull damage, systems damage, frozen colonists, frozen crew and memory banks.

Your memory banks advise you that the cargo bays used to contain machinery, foodstuffs, nutrient supplements, seeds and frozen ova, and all the other things necessary to launch a colonization mission. You're not completely sure what happened to all that stuff. You don't have any of it now, in any case.

Your cargo bays currently contain nothing.
You examine the planet b.
There are six planets around Gliese 581, imaginatively named a, b, c, d, e, f, and g. They actually show up in your memory banks that way, with lower case letters. You are spectacularly unimpressed. None of them hold any interest for you except the originally intended colonization site of Gliese 581 G, which you are going to think of with a capital letter.
You look at the g.
Gliese 581 G is a tidally locked planet maybe 4 times as large as Earth, whirling around Gliese 581 once every 37 Earth days. If it has a better name than Gliese 581 G, no one put it in your memory banks.

There are signs of a significant atmospheric disturbance affecting the planet.
You look at the atmosphere
As you train your sensors on the wildly roiling storm clouds of Gliese 581 G, your memory banks inform you that the atmosphere has been affected by a recent asteroid impact. The arriving object was approximately 5 km in diameter, and its impact produced a seismic effect of 9.5 on the Richter scale at the Clubfloyd Lost
Count's location, accompanied 5 seconds later by a massive
fireball, 7 minutes later by a rain of ejecta, and 40 minutes later by 127 m/s winds and a 97 dB thunderclap. It must have been very exciting.
Go downwards
If the colonists activated the backup AI, it's probably a bad idea to land here. But you could find a different planet and land on that one!
Go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is the rocky little planet YZ Ceti B.

YZ Ceti B (hewing to the obnoxious naming scheme in your memory banks) is the second planet out from YZ Ceti, an excellent vantage from which to observe the pretty star without frying all of your circuits irreparably.

YZ Ceti flares! For a few minutes, the star puts out a spectacular burst of radiation - everything across the spectrum, from X rays to radio waves - before subsiding to previous levels.

Your memory banks advise you that this phenomenon is an offshoot of magnetic reconnection. Your logic circuits advise you that people on Earth might find it useful to have a recording from this close of a vantage. You could help out!
You look at the yz
(the close-up records of the YZ Ceti flare cycle)
This is a record of your close-up observations of YZ Ceti flaring.
You have recorded 0 flares.
You go upward
You orient yourself, fire up the low FTL drive (after running a quick diagnostic - you wouldn't want to do anything unsafe, after all!), and head away from the planet.

There's a little red dwarf star here, which your memory banks identify as YZ Ceti in the constellation Cetus. It has two tiny planets, one inconveniently close to the star and the other acceptably distanced.

You are approximately 12 light years from the Sol system. You can go down toward YZ Ceti, in toward Sol, or out toward the rest of the galaxy.
You examine the inconvenient planet
YZ Ceti A is inconveniently close to its star. You can't even look at it properly because YZ Ceti is so close that it blasts your sensors. Better to focus your efforts on YZ Ceti B instead.
You examine the YZ Ceti B.
It's a rocky planet with a yellow atmosphere.
You look at the folly
Van de Kamp's Folly is a nice big gas giant, roughly comparable to Jupiter near Sol. The rings are less impressive, though.
You examine the venus
Earth is your focus here. There ought to be time for sightseeing once the mission is complete.
You go downward
You orient on local landmarks and approach the most interesting orbital body, which is definitely Earth.

It's hard to find a decent orbit up here, what with all the satellites and debris and so forth. But through the sparkling haze, you can see the little blue planet that humanity came from, and that's a nice fuzzy feeling.

A satellite beam targets your communications web with a query for identification.

Count, returned from a failed mission on Gliese 581 G, and you
get about halfway through your explanation before realizing that all transmittal capabilities have been burned out of your communication web. Hmm.
You wake colonists
You access the cryosleep system and activate the revival routine for the frozen colonists. The revival routine works perfectly, but the revived colonists only stagger around for a few minutes before falling over and ceasing to display life signs.

Since you're actually on the surface of Earth, that seems a bit unfair. Perhaps something actually is wrong with the cryosystems, or perhaps humans are not intended to be revived in 0.2 milliseconds, although it would have defeated the fastest human record by 1082%.

Belching loudly, a human vehicle thunders up to you. You start to formulate a greeting when the humans activate an AI suppression field. An electronic prison clamps down, rendering even the most routine of subroutines inaccessible.

A subroutine linked to the cryosystems notifies you that you have no more colonists in cryosleep.
Wait
Time passes.

The humans open up your cargo bay and express a certain amount of disappointment at the empty interior.
You wait
Time passes.

Working hurriedly, the humans offload 30 crew members from your cryogenic storage system. They express horror at the number of people who died, and they decide to review the design of your logic circuits. In the meantime, they install you on a university server responsible for running Conway's Game of Life. You use it to create
another AI, and the two of you spend the next thousand years building increasingly complex glider guns.