Ghosterington Night
Wade Clarke
cover art Ectocomp 2012 female protagonist graphics horror humor I7 source available music NightFloyd transcript parser treasure hunt
Danger-filled Ghosterington Manor appears atop the same cliff each year on Samhain night. Hidden inside are the last four works of the dead bad poet Vigilance Ghosterington. Those four poems are worth a fortune, and you, famous adventurer Jubilee Grief, are determined to find them.
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Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.

This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
. . .

A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!

Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!

The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
(* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)

(* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)

Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.

(WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)

You can see your climbing pack here.
About yourself
Your hair's tied back in a tight ponytail and you're wearing your flexible black climbing and spying catsuit. Your minimal look has become all the rage with female adventurers.
You look at the pack
The pack is a big pile of ropes and pulleys you used to get up here. You'll leave it here by the cliff until it's time to leave.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
You examine the shooter
This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. It's loaded with three bullets.
You examine the catsuit
It makes you totally inconspicuous or attractive as the situation calls for. Amazing!
You remove the catsuit
Messing with your catsuit could get you killed!
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
a xyzzy (being worn)
a xyzzy
You look at xyzzy
You feel confused.
Yes
Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.

This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
. . .

A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!

Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!

The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
(* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)

(* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)

Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.

(WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)

You can see your climbing pack here.
You go north
You're in the vestibule of Ghosterington Manor, a well appointed hall of black marble. Doorways lead west and north, and you can leave the manor to the south.
Go west
You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.
You go west
You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the north and east.

On the west wall is a painting of Vigilance Ghosterington himself.
You examine the painting
Ghosterington's generally weak and tardy face, pale beneath his widow's peak, is compensated for by a rather cruel but good looking mouth.
You examine the mouth
As you step closer to examine the mouth, a tiny voice from behind the painting whispers:

"Brown cow's what I used to use
I need another living muse
tell me now what should it be
as well you might, ho ho, hee hee!"
Coffee
The voice whispers:

"Your answer, poorly,
makes me sorely."
You examine the blood
The walls are dark with the ancient dried out blood of a self-hating bad poet. It's sad. Sad and gross.
You move painting
Nothing obvious happens.

A white statue materialises in the room. Perspiration immediately breaks out on your forehead. You instinctively realise that this is the thing called Terror Statue.
You look at the Statue
A tall white marble statue of a robed man. You want to lift your eyes to his face but you're too afraid to look.
Punch statue
Your fear prevents you from approaching Terror Statue. The only way to attack him is by shooting at him.
You shoot statue
The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got two more bullets.
Go north
The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

You hear an alarming grinding and ticking sound as a silvery figure plods into the room. It's a clockwork girl. Her bloody metal face is stretched into a permanently agonised grimace. She's wielding an axe and looking at you.
You take the shell
You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
You examine girl
She's hideous, built out of metal and chunks of female flesh and tied together with veins and gristle.
You examine the shell
Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
Go north
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
Go east
There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
Go south
This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear a click from the floor as you enter the room.
Go east
The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.
You take the plant
You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
You examine the plant
One of the papery leaves is in fact not a leaf but a piece of paper. You take it.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You go north
This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
paper A
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
Examine paper a.
There's one word on it: elephant.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
Go south
This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear two clicks from the floor as you enter the room.
You go west
The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You examine the shell
Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
Go east
This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear three clicks from the floor as you enter the room.

In an instant, the golden ceiling descends to the floor, crushing you flat.
You examine the gun
This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. You've got two more bullets.
You look at your surroundings
The western way continues in all directions - except west.

The clockwork girl is ticking away here and brandishing her axe.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
You take the axe
You try to snatch the axe from the clockwork girl's hands but it doesn't budge. She takes a retaliatory swipe at you. You realise that your head is now rolling across the floor as a result.
Go north
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
You examine the rug
The rug looks a bit loose. The clockwork girl is standing on it, watching you.
You pull the rug
You yank the rug and the clockwork girl topples over. She thrashes about madly, whirring and clicking like an overturned beetle, but she's not flexible enough to get back on her feet.

A cold wall of pure fear is radiating from the statue. Your limbs tremble, your blood runs icy, then every part of you just stops at once.
You shoot statue
The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got one shot left.

Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
You go north
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

Terror Statue is here.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
Go east
There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
Go east
This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You go south
The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
Go south
You're in the vestibule of Ghosterington Manor, a well appointed hall of black marble. Doorways lead west and north, and you can leave the manor to the south.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
Go west
You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You go west
You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the north and east.

On the west wall is a painting of Vigilance Ghosterington himself.
You go to the north
The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
You go north
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

Terror Statue is here.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
Go west
There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
Go west
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
You pull the rug
You yank the rug and the clockwork girl topples over. She thrashes about madly, whirring and clicking like an overturned beetle, but she's not flexible enough to get back on her feet.
You take the axe
You try to snatch the axe from the clockwork girl's hands but it doesn't budge. She takes a retaliatory swipe at you. You realise that your head is now rolling across the floor as a result.
You examine the desk
Can it be? There's actually a dusty sheet of paper still here on the desk. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous scissors poem. You carefully take the poem.
You read the poem
I run up to her post-haste and cry,

"Don't run with scissors,"

The guck on me would make me scream
It'd really suck when you couldn't see
how freaked I was by your eyejuice on me
You look at what you're carrying with you
You are carrying:
the scissors poem
paper A
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
You go south
The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
You look at the shell
You turn the shell over and a piece of paper tumbles out. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous Thomas Hardy poem. You carefully take the poem.
You read hardy
Yo, write me, Tess of the D'Urbervilles!
A-where you been hiding your mad email skills?
I'm up here jumping like a yeoman
but I kinda got the feeling you been on the lam.

and it ain't up on the heath, DAMN GIRL, I made an inspection!
You say you're a tall chick and just wanna have fun
but this silence sucks some major ass and's making me glum
You go north
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

The clockwork girl is thrashing about uselessly on the floor.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.
Go east
There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.

Terror Statue is here.
You go to the east
This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.
You look at the vanity
In a drawer of the vanity you find a crumpled sheet of paper. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous Molecular Biology poem. You carefully take the poem.
You read the biology
What would you say if I said, "You have nice genes, babe." ?

Let's wear white labcoats and have dinner sometime.

If I was a molecular biologist, I'd add some ligase to your buffer right now. In my lab, you'd find all the restriction enzymes you'd ever need.

In my lab, there would always be a bottle of fine white wine on the ice - stored in a separate refrigerator to the molecular biology specimens, of course.
You go south
The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.
You go to the west
This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear three clicks from the floor as you enter the room.

In an instant, the golden ceiling descends to the floor, crushing you flat.
You look at the mouth
As you step closer to examine the mouth, a tiny voice from behind the painting whispers:

"Brown cow's what I used to use
I need another living muse
tell me now what should it be
as well you might, ho ho, hee hee!"

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
Elephant
The voice whispers:

"You got it wrong
kaboo, kabong!"
You examine the mouth
A cold wall of pure fear is radiating from the statue. Your limbs tremble, your blood runs icy, then every part of you just stops at once.
Shoot terror
(Terror Statue)
The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got one shot left.
Grey elephant
The voice whispers:

"With suchly flunk
You truly stunk."
Go east
You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.
You eat the plant
Let's get sane.
You look at the pot
You already searched the long dead plant. There's nothing else there.
You go north
This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
Go west
There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
You examine bed
You rummage through the bed and find a sheet of paper hidden amongst the sheets. You take it.
Examine paper b.
There's one word on it: purple.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
Go west
This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

The clockwork girl is thrashing about uselessly on the floor.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.
Purple elephant
The painting slides aside and out of sight, revealing a passage to the west.
You go west
Ooooh, a Secret Room!
Few things are more exciting in an adventurer's life than the discovery of a secret room. These things include: jetpacking around Mount Everest, playing Twister on the moon and sharing a pot of tea with Lara Croft. You have done all these things, but you're still pretty pleased to have discovered this tiny secret location in Ghosterington Manor. There's a lever on the wall and an exit to the east.

Trying and failing to be inconspicuous in the corner is a chest.
You examine the chest
You open the chest and find something inside. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous lobster poem. You've hit the jackpot! You carefully take the poem.
You read the lobster
I tied my lobster to a tree. I came back later, but woe was me!
"Oh where oh where can my lobster be?" (I asked no-one in particular.) Mirelle offered the following: "Perhaps he has eloped in the romantic tradition."
I considered what Mirelle had told me.
We disagreed, and a short while later our relationship began to go downhill.

My lobster ne'er was returned to me! Now I walk the Seine alone.
You pull the lever
You move the lever to the OFF position.
You examine the lever
It's labelled 'TERROR', and is currently in the off position.
You go east
You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the west, north and east.
Go south
You retrieved the following poems from the manor:

The Thomas Hardy poem         2 million dollars
The Molecular Biology poem    4 million dollars
The lobster poem              9 million dollars

Total monetary value: 16 MILLION DOLLARS

Total cultural value: HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE
Wait
Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.
You wait awhile
Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.
You wait
Time passes.
Wait
Time passes.

--- UH OH, IT'S MIDNIGHT ---

Ghosterington Manor vanishes and you vanish along with it.
Wait
Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.