The Subtropical Server Room
Andrew Schultz
cover art Mini-comp
It's up to you to help get the old Unix servers replaced.
%
There's a problem in the Unix Lab! But not enough of one for Corporate to notice. If you can fix that, you may get a raise, and better, you'll feel less guilty daydreaming for the next few years. Go for it!

Your cubicle. By two guys who aren't around much and a third almost as quiet as you. Almost paradise, really, even with your lousy "functional" chair. Your computer's tied up with the day's final test, but you have your mail program open to Something Important. The lunchroom, empty this late, is to the south. The main corridor is west.

Your computer hasn't stopped gargling and won't for a while. It kept you awake through work but you could use a nap now.

Your cubicle's metal drawer--well, the only one without stupid useless files you need to throw out--is here.
%
There's a problem in the Unix Lab! But not enough of one for Corporate to notice. If you can fix that, you may get a raise, and better, you'll feel less guilty daydreaming for the next few years. Go for it!

Your cubicle. By two guys who aren't around much and a third almost as quiet as you. Almost paradise, really, even with your lousy "functional" chair. Your computer's tied up with the day's final test, but you have your mail program open to Something Important. The lunchroom, empty this late, is to the south. The main corridor is west.

Your computer hasn't stopped gargling and won't for a while. It kept you awake through work but you could use a nap now.

Your cubicle's metal drawer--well, the only one without stupid useless files you need to throw out--is here.
You examine the mail program
It's a memo about the overheating problem in the new smaller UNIX lab. The AIX, DEC, HP-UX and SGI boxes are too old to run without substantial cooling. Corporate won't invest unless the machines are destroyed. Deliberate vandalism will be tracked and punished.

There's mention of finding ways around this at your own risk, though the manager who sent this has joked about this.
You examine the drawer
Nothing special about it, but you hide lots of random stuff in there.
You open it
You open the metal drawer, revealing a dull tannish book you bought years ago and a flask.
You get the book
Taken.
You examine it
"The Great Tulip Frolick" by Barry Fells. It was the last book on a recommended list for kids. That should've been a clue. The city library system not having it--another. Amazon.com having several copies for a penny? Well, you bought it--just before checking the reviews. You felt so dumb, you didn't bother to cancel the order.

It used to be a nice sleeping aide but you built up a tolerance and you'd have to be somewhere very comfortable indeed to pull that off.

A bookmark falls out from the last place you gave up. Page five or so. You pull it out.
You get the bookmark
You already have that.
Examine bookmark
It's a description of translating numbers to letters in Leetspeak. Read the details?
Yes
0=O 1=I 2=Z 3=E 4=A
5=S 6=B 7=T 8=B 9=G
You get the flask
You notice a paper scrap under the flask as you pick it up. Something you probably hid, for whatever reason.
You examine it
It has the crest of Intellectual Tech University on it. You remember winning it in a White Elephant contest you didn't know you entered. You never quite have the heart to pitch it or even recycle it.
You get the scrap
Yeah, who knows? It might provide a clue. Or half of one.

Taken.
You examine the scrap
Oh, yeah. It's that map for a text adventure game you meant to make a long time ago. Inform 6 apparently wasn't enough like plain English for you, so you gave up. Really, what more did you want? But there's a map that looks vaguely familiar. Have a look?
Yes
It looks like some sort of map.
FO X
OZ  |
|
|
ME
|   |
|   |
|   |
*::: (think up puzzle to GO EAST
|     through stupid new passcode thingy)
|      (decide own actual passcode number)
|

|
|
|


(This was written well before Corporate "authorized" downsizing and locking off the unix lab. And when everyone moved here, you were chock full of new things you wanted to try. What happened?)
You describe your surroundings
Your cubicle. With your computer. The lunchroom, empty this late, is to the south. The main corridor is west.

Your computer hasn't stopped gargling and won't for a while. It kept you awake through work but you could use a nap now.

Your metal drawer is perfectly positioned for tripping up anyone who wants to invade your personal space.
You go west
Main walkways are north/south with your cubicle east.

The Unix Lab is west behind the combo-locked door with a punch-pad to the side.
You examine the scrap
It's a rough map of the office. Have a look?
Yes
It looks like some sort of map.
FO X
OZ  |
|
|
ME
|   |
|   |
|   |
*::: (think up puzzle to GO EAST
|     through stupid new passcode thingy)
|      (decide own actual passcode number)
|

|
|
|
You look at the door
White and forbidding".
Examine pad
7 8 9
* 0 #

Yeah, you've seen that before. You remember you need to type in six digits.
Go north
This is the least talky of the areas, but only because of the foozball game eruptions disturb that. IT's cubicles (they get called off-site a lot) are east, and the corridor goes south and also hooks around a bit north.
You go west
You hate that place, even with nobody in there. Nothing against the people who enjoy it. Just, it'd be worse without the white noise piped through the office.
Go east
You like this row. IT works here and they need more space. They're off-site today, but fewer cubicles mean less talking. It would be perfect if the foozball room weren't to the west with no other real way to go.

The squirt gun IT jokingly reserves for people who forget their passwords is here.
You get the gun
Taken.
About yourself
You're wearing shorts and a t-shirt. It's nice to be able to, to work. The shorts have enough room in their pockets to fit any knick-knacks you feel like fiddling with. But they aren't ideal for when the air conditioning's blasting, like today. The overheated Unix lab would be kind of nice that way.
You examine the squirt
It's plastic and has got a big crack in it.
Go north
That's the area where people used to work and the weird machines used to be. Salesmen have taken over. You avoid it on general principle.
Go south
You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go west
That way is potentially locked by the same code you need for the Unix lab. Which you haven't figured out. Continue?
Yes
Well, maybe someone else will be working a bit late and can let you back in.

(first opening the Front Door)
Elevators
You are by the elevators. The bathrooms are north--yes, your company's side of this floor has no bathroom to themselves. You see a number-punch pad that could let you back in.

The big glass door slides shut with a click.

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see the big glass door leading into the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go east
There's a sink here and a fridge too. And a coffeemaker. But no toaster.
You open the fridge
You have long since finished your lunch of canned vegetables today. Nothing in there for you.
You look at the sink
It's a sink. You can use it to fill things with water. Well, things that might be able to hold stuff.
You fill the gun
You start to, but the water dribbles through the crack in the plastic.
You go west
You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go south
More of the north-south corridor here. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.
Go east
There's a chessboard here. There's also a stack of papers of old games.
You examine the chessboard
It's actually your game now, and you don't have the heart to tell your opponent how busted he is. You won a pawn early and the endgame should just be a grind out affair. It's useful to walk by once the foozball starts up, but not today. Your opponent has the day off, and it's his move.
You look at the stack
It's gotten thick over the years. Looking through it all would take too long, though since you're playing the current game, do you want to review them?
Yes
1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 c5 3. d5 b5 4. b3 bxc4 5. bxc4 g6 6. Nc3 d6 7. e4 Bg7 8. Bb2 Nxe4 9. Qc2 Qa5 10. Rc1 Nxc3 11. Bxc3 Bxc3+ 12. Qxc3 Qxc3+ 13. Rxc3 Nd7 14. Nf3 Rb8 15. Bd3 Rb2 16. Ra3 a6 17. O-O Nf6 18. Rb1 Rxb1+ 19. Bxb1 e6
You go west
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.
You go to the south
You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south. You probably don't want to bug them now.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. You probably don't want him to bug you now.
Go south
If you wanted an office to walk into, you should've been more career-minded.
You go to the east
This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. Often his talk is about work, too, but not this late.

Ed's key ring is on a hook here.

You can also see Ed Toop here.

Ed laughs at the mainstream luddites who've only found about Dropbox just now
You examine Ed Toop
Avoid eye contact, man. Even if he's on the phone. I mean, he's not like ugly or anything average looking, but he'll come by and ask if you needed anything later. Then, while he's over...

Ed complains loudly enough about a company-wide spam relevant only to sales people that you sympathize with the schlep who sent it.
You get the key ring
Ed's pretty self-absorbed, but sadly, that extends to his possessions. You'll have to wait til he leaves.

Ed bemoans common abuses of English grammar, ending with a "Double-U Tee F" and "sigh."
Look around
This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. Often his talk is about work, too, but not this late.

Ed's key ring is on a hook here.

You can also see Ed Toop here.

Ed rages at people who need straw men to make their lives exciting.
You look at the hook
Don't futz with that. It's the key ring that's important.

Ed complains how yet another piece of correspondence for Jed Toopwald wound up in his mailbox.
You examine the phone
Doing anything with Ed's phone would be illegal and unethical and probably more fun just to think about doing.

"At the end of the day..." Ed says, and you mentally add five minutes to when his conversation will end.
You examine the scrap
It's a rough map of the office. Have a look?
Yes
It looks like some sort of map.
FO X
OZ  |
|
|
ME
|   |
|   |
|   |
*::: (think up puzzle to GO EAST
|     through stupid new passcode thingy)
|      (decide own actual passcode number)
|

|
|
|


Ed bemoans common abuses of English grammar, ending with a "Double-U Tee F" and "sigh."
You go west
You remember actually liking a movie Ed Toop suggested once. Confusing. Time to get away.

You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south. You probably don't want to bug them now.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. You probably don't want him to bug you now.
Go north
(first opening the bathroom door)
It seems to be locked.
You look around
You are by the elevators. You see a number-punch pad that could let you back in.

The big glass door slides shut with a click.

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see the big glass door leading into the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.

What do you know? Someone working late opens the door for you. You slip back through. Might take longer later, though.

You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go south
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.
You go to the south
You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south. You probably don't want to bug them now.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. You probably don't want him to bug you now.
You go to the east
This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. Often his talk is about work, too, but not this late.

Ed's key ring is on a hook here.

You can also see Ed Toop here.

Ed rages at people who need straw men to make their lives exciting.
You read the book
You turn the book upside-down and flip it to see if anything else falls out. Nothing. You catch some writing on an early page and remember why it made you fall asleep. But it's kind of cold and uncomfortable here and reading would just leave you antsy.

"In fairness," begins Ed. He's generously fair to the other side once the captive listenee is too tired to really listen any more.
You give the book to Ed
(Ed Toop)
Ed shoos you away and points to his phone, then raises a hand in frustration.

"At the end of the day..." Ed says, and you mentally add five minutes to when his conversation will end.
You listen to Ed
(Ed Toop)
You hear enough without trying. Don't torture yourself!

Ed bemoans common abuses of English grammar, ending with a "Double-U Tee F" and "sigh."
Inventory
You are carrying:
a squirt gun
a paper scrap
a flask
a bookmark
a dull tannish book you bought years ago
a flash drive
an Allstar Employee Badge

Ed complains how yet another piece of correspondence for Jed Toopwald wound up in his mailbox.
You examine the gun
It's plastic and has got a big crack in it.

"In fairness," begins Ed. He's generously fair to the other side once the captive listenee is too tired to really listen any more.
You look at Badge
It's laminated and apparently magnetized, with an only marginally unflattering picture on the front (D SLAPNEY) and a bar-code on the back. Its main use is entering the front door or the Unix Lab, which you haven't yet. You remember making it obvious once you knew it.

Ed complains how yet another piece of correspondence for Jed Toopwald wound up in his mailbox.
You look at the drive
This was part of a local store's free Christmas giveaway--a whopping 250 MB of disk space! It's a depressing olive green, and you use it to transport writing stuff to and from work. You even wrote a spiffy PERL program to detect which of your files is the newest version so you don't copy things the wrong way.

It came with a hole ostensibly for a keychain, hopefully weightless, as otherwise the flash drive could snap when plugged into the USB port.

But you found a neat site called Dropbox today. You dumped your files there. You'll probably carry this stupid drive around with you longer than you need, though. It's tough to throw old stuff out.

Ed complains about low salaries for game developers and high prices for games. Then he sniffs at retro gaming
Examine bookmark
It's a description of translating numbers to letters in Leetspeak. Read the details?
Yes
0=O 1=I 2=Z 3=E 4=A
5=S 6=B 7=T 8=B 9=G

"In fairness," begins Ed. He's generously fair to the other side once the captive listenee is too tired to really listen any more.
You go to the west
You remember Ed Toop's documents on PERL tricks were actually kind of useful. Confusing. Time to get away.

You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south. You probably don't want to bug them now.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. You probably don't want him to bug you now.
You go north
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.
You go north
You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
You look at pad
7 8 9
* 0 #

Yeah, you've seen that before.
You look at the door
White and forbidding".
Go east
Your cubicle. With your computer. The lunchroom, empty this late, is to the south. The main corridor is west.

Your computer hasn't stopped gargling and won't for a while. It kept you awake through work but you could use a nap now.

Your metal drawer is perfectly positioned for tripping up anyone who wants to invade your personal space.
You look at the computer
It's kind of coughing and gargling right now. You're running some heavy duty Windows tests what with the Unix lab snafu. The thing takes a whole minute to react when you push a key. But it is open to a mail message.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a squirt gun
a paper scrap
a flask
a bookmark
a dull tannish book you bought years ago
a flash drive
an Allstar Employee Badge
You put the flash drive in the computer
Some are so ancient they have no USB port. Others probably have the wrong sort of file reader. You don't know about that stuff and don't want to.
You fill the flask
You open it, and it smells kind of musty. It doesn't seem like a nice place to store water.
You examine the coffeemaker
You never knew how those things worked until you Googled it. The thought of used coffee filters is still kind of nasty to you.
You examine Badge
It's laminated and apparently magnetized, with an only marginally unflattering picture on the front (D SLAPNEY) and a bar-code on the back. Its main use is entering the front door or the Unix Lab, which you haven't yet. You remember making it obvious once you knew it.
Yes
Well, maybe someone else will be working a bit late and can let you back in.

(first opening the Front Door)
Elevators
You are by the elevators. You see a number-punch pad that could let you back in.

The big glass door slides shut with a click.

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see the big glass door leading into the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go north
(first opening the bathroom door)
It seems to be locked.

What do you know? Someone working late opens the door for you. You slip back through. Might take longer later, though.

You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
You examine the scrap
It's a rough map of the office. Have a look?
You go to the west
You think you hear the west door creak. You're not sure.

You pause a second. You might be able to think up some weird scheme to do something, but you don't get the big crazy ideas with other people around. But if you just fritter time away, you'll be antsy when everyone's gone.

Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. You pick out various random lights in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The door you came in by is to the east.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.

The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
You examine server
Which do you mean, the servers, the AIX server, the HP-UX server, the SGI server, the Linux server farm, or the Solaris server farm?
You look at the aix
It's horrendously ancient and inefficient. You hate it and its stuipd dot-o and dot-a files and its SHLIBPATH and how you need to type slibclean.

It's a version you all plan to drop support for. Nobody would miss it if something happened. But you didn't hear that from me.
You examine the hpthe -the ux
Almost as bad as the AIX server. It's so ungodly slow, backspace and control-p are broken by default, and apparently, it's insured against the sort of catastrophe it deserves, too.
Oops sgi
It's kind of slow and cranky and the errors it throws on ports helps keep you secure in your testing job when you catch them. But it's not particularly replaceable, and a big customer still uses SGI.

Plus you remember days in college totally rocking 4-minute chess on one server. Til the admins there figured how to compensate for lag. Memories.
You examine linux
The Linux server is working fine. Actually it's more of a server farm, and you try to avoid touching it.
You examine the Solaris
Solaris has always been pretty reliable. It wouldn't do to break the Solaris server farm.
You sit in the chair
Memories of previous boring tasks made pleasant and relaxing rush back to you as you sit down.
You read the book
Sometimes you used to read it around 4 PM when people started talking and no work would get done anyway and your time was better spent sleeping. But once you half-memorized the first few pages, you couldn't pretend to concentrate. Plus when you moved, someone nabbed your comfy chaiir. But you need to let that go.
Sleep
Out here? In public?
You look at your surroundings
Unix Lab (on the delightfully comfy chair)
Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. You pick out various random lights in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The lab door to the west doesn't look so tough now that you so awesomely derived the passcode you never should've forgotten.
You stand
You get off the delightfully comfy chair.

Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. You pick out various random lights in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The door you came in by is to the east.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.
You read the book
Hoo boy. You'll need a seat in the comfy chair for this one.
Look around
Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. You pick out various random lights in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The door you came in by is to the east.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.
Go west
(first opening the forbidding door)
You don't like going near the door. You're not sure what's behind there. Maybe a pile of gadgets waiting to crash down or maybe just a big "YOU'RE FIRED, MISTER NOSEY" on the rear wall. You don't want to find out.
Go east
(first opening the Lab Door)

Main walkways are north/south with your cubicle east.

The lab door to the west doesn't look so tough now that you so awesomely derived the passcode you never should've forgotten.
Go south
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.

Someone stuck a printout to the wall about proper care of Moolosks.
You examine the printout
It describes the Moolosk, an unholy communion of Maguay and Furby. Apparently not only does the Moolosk turn into a monster if shot with water around midnight, but its feeding patterns start small and grow rapidly. It hates bright light but is attracted to glowing.

You notice JOB FOR ETOOP@6:15PM at the bottom. You chuckle anyway, since you notice it was printed from some URL.
Go south
You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. He's not there now.
Go east
Suddenly Ed Toop's phone rings! Well, it's not a ring, but a stupid sad-saxophone noise. You hadn't heard it so long, the ambush hurt. You step back, a bit scared. It's probably safe to get closer, but you have to catch your breath.
You go east
This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. But not now.

Ed's key ring is on a hook here.
You get the ring
Taken.
You examine it
It unlocks various important places like the main router room, which you won't go near, and the men's bathroom out past the elevators. If you replace it, Ed will never miss it.
Go north
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.

That Moolosk printout is still here.
You get printout
Other people may not have gotten to see it yet. You know someone annoying put it up there, but it was mildly amusing, you guess.
Go west
(first opening the Front Door)

You are by the elevators. You see a number-punch pad that could let you back in.

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see the big glass door leading into the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Unlock bathroom
What do you want to unlock the bathroom door with?
Key
You unlock the bathroom door.

The front door gives a beep. It's shut again.
Go north
(first opening the bathroom door)

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see a roll of fluorescent tape here on top of the paper towel dispenser. Someone left it there, and it's not unsanitary, so there you go. The cleaning lady isn't tall enough to reach it, but you are.
You get the tape
Taken.

The bathroom door creaks back on its hinges and closes.
You put the tape on the gun
You tape up the crack. The gun should be good to go for a while.
You go to the south
(first opening the bathroom door)

You are by the elevators. You see a number-punch pad that could let you back in.

The door to the men's bathroom is here.

You see the big glass door leading into the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
You close Door
Which do you mean, the bathroom door or the Front Door?
Bathroom
You close the bathroom door.

The bathroom door creaks back on its hinges and closes.
You lock it
(with the key ring)
You're on the wrong side for that.

That's locked at the moment.
You go east
Punching in the combo, you walk through.

(first opening the Front Door)
Front Desk Entry
You see the big glass door leading out of the office to the west. It's got a keypad, too, just like the Unix lab. You can go east to the kitchen area or north/south to work areas.
Go east
There's a sink here and a fridge too. And a coffeemaker. But no toaster.
You fill the gun
You fill the squirt gun with water.
Go north
Main walkways are north/south with your cubicle east.

The lab door to the west doesn't look so tough now that you so awesomely derived the passcode you never should've forgotten.
You go to the west
You re-punch the code, because the door is evil like that, and you walk on through...

Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. Your tape glows in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The door you came in by is to the east.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.
You shoot aix
The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
Shoot gun
Say what you want to squirt with it, instead.
Squirt
What do you want to squirt?
Go west
(first opening the forbidding door)
You don't like going near the door. You're not sure what's behind there. Maybe a pile of gadgets waiting to crash down or maybe just a big "YOU'RE FIRED, MISTER NOSEY" on the rear wall. You don't want to find out.
Go east
(first opening the Lab Door)

Main walkways are north/south with your cubicle east.

The lab door to the west doesn't look so tough now that you so awesomely derived the passcode you never should've forgotten.
You go to the east
You like this row. IT works here and they need more space. They're off-site today, but fewer cubicles mean less talking. It would be perfect if the foozball room weren't to the west with no other real way to go.
You examine the chessboard
Frustrating. Being up a pawn should feel secure but you always worry about dumb mistakes.
You examine it
It describes the Moolosk, an unholy communion of Maguay and Furby. Apparently not only does the Moolosk turn into a monster if shot with water around midnight, but its feeding patterns start small and grow rapidly.
You look at it
It describes the Moolosk, an unholy communion of Maguay and Furby. Apparently not only does the Moolosk turn into a monster if shot with water around midnight, but its feeding patterns start small and grow rapidly.

rapidly. It hates bright light but is attracted to glowing.
a bit TOO warm. Your tape glows in the semi-darkness.
You wait
Man, it's nice to have nobody around. But you want to get through with things.

The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
You wait
Man, it's nice to have nobody around. But you want to get through with things.
You open Door
Which do you mean, the forbidding door or the Lab Door?
Forbidding
You don't like going near the door. You're not sure what's behind there. Maybe a pile of gadgets waiting to crash down or maybe just a big "YOU'RE FIRED, MISTER NOSEY" on the rear wall. You don't want to find out.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a roll of fluorescent tape
a key ring
a squirt gun
a paper scrap
a flask
a bookmark
a dull tannish book you bought years ago
a flash drive
an Allstar Employee Badge
Go east
You can go north or south. The place where people play smart people games is to the east.

That Moolosk printout is still here.

You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. He's not there now.

This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. But not now.
You examine the cubicle
No need to be nosy. Unless something's lying out there, best ignore it.
You examine the phone
Doing anything with Ed's phone would be illegal and unethical and probably more fun just to think about doing.
Go west
You can go back north to the cubicles you already passed. There are managers' offices to the south.

Ed Toop's cubicle is to the east. He's not there now.
You look at the gun
It's taped up a bit and full of water.
You examine the tape
It's a dull off-white with sufficient light around.
You put the tape on the aix
You put the roll of fluorescent tape on the AIX server.

The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
You go west
You re-punch the code, because the door is evil like that, and you walk on through...

Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. You pick out various random lights in the semi-darkness.

The door you came in by is to the east.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

On the AIX server is a roll of fluorescent tape.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.
You get tape
Taken.

The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a roll of fluorescent tape
a key ring
a squirt gun
a paper scrap
a flask
a bookmark
a dull tannish book you bought years ago
a flash drive
an Allstar Employee Badge
You turn off the servers
They are sort of in limbo right now. You'd probably switch the wrong ones, the wrong way.
Go east
(first opening the Lab Door)

Main walkways are north/south with your cubicle east.

The lab door to the west doesn't look so tough now that you so awesomely derived the passcode you never should've forgotten.
You tape yourself
You already have that.

Putting things on yourself would achieve nothing.
Go east
This is where Ed Toop works and talks at the same time. But not now.
Forbidding
Putting things on the forbidding door would achieve nothing.

The lab door gives a beep. It's shut again.
You put the tape on the chair
Someone might sit on the chair and that'd be a nasty surprise. What with the deluxe armrests and plush cushioning, nothing's too visible from the chair, either.
You examine the tape
It's a dull off-white with sufficient light around.
Look around
Here's where the magic happens, though people usually telnet in because it's easier that way. The servers are all humming away, and while it's a bit warm, that's a welcome change from the freezing outside. Except for the whole can't quite do your job bit, since it's a bit TOO warm. Your tape glows in the semi-darkness.

There's a forbidding door west in the semi-darkness. You've never tried to enter it and won't start now.

The door you came in by is to the east.

You can also see a delightfully comfy chair here.
Tape chair
You already have that.

Someone might sit on the chair and that'd be a nasty surprise. What with the deluxe armrests and plush cushioning, nothing's too visible from the chair, either.
Tape servers
Best just to refer to one server.
Tape sgi
You already have that.

The SGI server's ok. Leave it alone.
Oops forbidding
(with the key ring)
You don't like going near the door. You're not sure what's behind there. Maybe a pile of gadgets waiting to crash down or maybe just a big "YOU'RE FIRED, MISTER NOSEY" on the rear wall. You don't want to find out.
You listen
You enjoy the unusual quiet for this area before getting back to business.
You look at the toaster
Allstar company policy forbids the use of toasters. Originally, people complained about how this was bad for office morale, but then they started feeling so much smarter than Corporate Big Shots because of the dumb rule that maybe that was the big shots' plan all along.
You look at the flask
It has the crest of Intellectual Tech University on it. You remember winning it in a White Elephant contest you didn't know you entered. You never quite have the heart to pitch it or even recycle it.
You fill the flask
You open it, and it smells kind of musty. It doesn't seem like a nice place to store water.
Smell flask
Nothing unexpected.