Tex Bonaventure and the Temple of the Water of Life
Truthcraze
absurd adventure fantasy homage humor IF Competition 2013 IFComp Game Jungle parody Temple walkthrough
In this homage to Indiana Jones, you play as Tex Bonaventure, an adventurer and treasure hunter. After three days of exploring the deep dark swamps of the Everglades, you've finally found your destination. You've found what the natives call Cukovcatv Em Oheskatv Vhesaketv, the Temple of the Water of Life.
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Somewhere in the deep, dark swamps of the Everglades, far beyond the reach of civilized men in their London cut double-breasted suits and their bowler hats, strides a man; TEX BONAVENTURE, professional treasure hunter, semi-professional card sharp, and a rank amateur at judging when to stride and when to row a boat.

There are rumors as to what he's after. Some say diamonds. Some say gold. Others, with a knowing twinkle in their eye, beckon the curious close and whisper a single word - "youth".

Struggling to slighly higher ground, what you really want at this moment is a dry pair of socks, and to go back in time about three days and smack yourself about the head for not buying a canoe when you could. That is, until you part some vines, and there it stands before you, what the natives call Cukovcatv Em Oheskatv Vhesaketv:

The Temple of the Water of Life.

Trying to shake the mud from your boots, but only splattering it around a little, you eventually give up and look around. Atop a small hillock in the middle of the Everglades sits a foreboding stone temple. Its entrance, a wide arch of stone, lies to the east, up the hill. To the west lies the swamp from which you came. The swamp also lies to the north. And the south. Probably to the east, as well, behind the temple, but you can't see that from here. It's a safe bet, though. 99% of the Everglades is swamp. And 1% is, apparently, hidden temples.

A huge green fierce snake bars the way to the temple.
You check what you're carrying
You're carrying a whip and a gun. You are wearing the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.
About you
Tex Bonaventure, card carrying treasure hunter, card playing hustler, been called a card by a few ladies... or was that a "cad"? You have to admit, you're beginning to feel your years a little bit. What you would kindly describe as "grizzled", the less-kindly (such as some of those ladies) would describe as... well, they would say "grizzled", too but they wouldn't say it with respect. A bit of disdain and clenched teeth, perhaps.

Perpetually "one last score" away from retirement. But this might be the last, for real. The rumor has it, treasure for the rest of your life is in the top of the Temple... and that life can be very long indeed. Very very long.
Hello
[Use TALK TO to interact with characters.]
You talk to the snake
You hiss a bit at the snake. The snake hisses back.
Whip snake
You crack your whip at the snake. You whip it good. The snake becomes even more agitated.
You shoot the snake
(with the gun)
You take steady aim, walking close to the snake. You only have one bullet, and you don't want to miss. Unfortunately, the snake also takes steady aim, and strikes your calf just as you fire. You end up putting a hole in the snake, but it put two into you.

You feel the red hot pain of the venom injected into your calf, and the icy grip of death approaching as the poison starts traveling through your body. Your only hope is antivenom - which you don't have with you. And somehow you don't think you'll survive the three day hike to civilization.

So your REAL only hope is that the rumors are true. That at the pinnacle of the temple there flows the Water of Life.

Congratulationment!® number 1 - "I hate snakes, Jock!"
Look around
Atop a small hillock in the middle of the Everglades sits a foreboding stone temple. Its entrance, a wide arch of stone, lies to the east, up the hill. To the west lies the swamp. The swamp also lies to the north. And the south. Probably to the east, as well, behind the temple, but you can't see that from here. It's a safe bet, though. 99% of the Everglades is swamp. And 1% is, apparently, hidden temples.

The remains of a snake, sans head, lie in front of the temple.
You look at the remains
Well, it used to be a snake. Now it's kind of a... fleshy rope? Terribly thick belt?
You get the remains
You gingerly pick up the snake, by the tail. Not that you're scared of snakes. Who would be scared of snakes? ...bats, on the other hand... ick.

Congratulationment!® number 2 - "Surely this will be useful?"
You examine the fedora
Yeah, you know exactly what this hat looks like. After all, it is YOUR hat, right?
You look at the jacket
The coat has served you well. Perhaps that's why you wear it, even in the sweltering jungle heat. It's currently zipped up.
You open the jacket
You open an old leather jacket, revealing a bundle of maps.
You examine the maps
They got you this far. Unfortunately, all the maps end at the entrance of the temple - none describe the inside at all.
You examine the swamp
You don't relish the thought of the three day hike out of the swamp. But the riches available in the temple will paradoxically lighten your load - or at least happy thoughts of spending them will. Plus... if the rumors are true... perhaps your arthritis will be a thing of the past, soon.
Go east
You limp through the archway, into the dark temple interior...

Taking your first breath of cool, moist air inside the temple, you look around in wonder...
Tex Bonaventure and the Temple of the Water of Life

6/12N)## The Entry Hall of the Temple
The first thing you notice in the Temple is the sound of water, dripping and running and burbling. The sound seems to come from all around you, all directions. Combined with the relative coolness and darkness of the temple (cool and dark compared to the Everglade swamp outside), you feel like sleeping. But sleep, with your injuries, means death. Green, speckled light spills in from the exit arch of the Temple, which lies to the west. There are three passageways in the stone walls of the temple, set to the south, east and north. In the middle of the entry hall is a large statue, looming over anyone that may enter the temple.

Congratulationment!® number 4 - "Late title card!"
You look at the statue
Looking at the statue, it is absorbed as a gestalt. Aspects are not seen in order, but all at once. It is only when you look away, you can think logically about it. You remember a man made of pure white alabaster at the center, arms flung outward, touching both north and south walls with his hands. His head, you recall, was thrown back - but whether in agony or ecstasy you can't tell. Around the man water, frozen water, raised in a spout. That can't be right. Some stone, translucent blue, the likes of which you've never seen in all your years of treasure hunting. The statue is twenty feet tall, at the minimum, and somehow occupies most of the room, yet is hard to look directly at... perhaps you could look at pieces of it at a time, if you're careful.
You examine the head
The statue's head is thrown back, and not easily visible from the floor of the entrance hall. Which is odd, because in your opinion, (and you have many opinions about strange, cultish temples, having been in a few), the point of a statue is to convey the desired emotion in the viewer. And that is difficult to do, if you can't see the face. It makes you uneasy. Very uneasy, the more you look at it. Which, you belatedly realize, may be the point.
You examine Water
The sound of water is all around, but there is none in evidence in this room. Except for the huge statue, but that's more a representation of water, really.
You climb the statue
There's no real good way to get a grip on the statue. Although, in your attempts, you do notice a small hole in the base of the statue.
You examine the hole
There seems to be a small hole at the base of the statue - about the size of your arm, it extends deep into the mesmerizing blue stone - you can't see the bottom of it, but there appears to be something stuck in it. Perhaps you should reach in and get it out. Nothing bad will happen. The more you look at the stone, the deeper you peer into the hole, the more you just want to put your arm into it. Perhaps now. Certainly now. "Let's PUT MY ARM INTO THE HOLE!" cries a voice in your head.
You put the arm in the hole
You reach into the hole, obeying your mental compulsion. Almost immediately, a band of metal blades constricts around your arm, severing it from your shoulder. You are able to stagger two steps away before you collapse to the ground in shock, and bleed out.
You look in hole
You peer deep into the hole. It looks like the item is... woven, somehow. Perhaps it's... a rope necklace? Perhaps you should reach in and get it out. Nothing bad will happen. The more you look at the stone, the deeper you peer into the hole, the more you just want to put your arm into it. Perhaps now. Certainly now. "Let's PUT MY ARM INTO THE HOLE!" cries a voice in your head.
You look at the statue
Looking at the statue, it is absorbed as a gestalt. Aspects are not seen in order, but all at once. It is only when you look away, you can think logically about it. You remember a man made of pure white alabaster at the center, arms flung outward, touching both north and south walls with his hands. His head, you recall, was thrown back - but whether in agony or ecstasy you can't tell. Around the man water, frozen water, raised in a spout. That can't be right. Some stone, translucent blue, the likes of which you've never seen in all your years of treasure hunting. The statue is twenty feet tall, at the minimum, and somehow occupies most of the room, yet is hard to look directly at... perhaps you could look at pieces of it at a time, if you're careful.
You examine the spout
The blue stone that makes up the statue's depiction of water is mesmerizing. You've never seen anything like it. If only you could cut just a few slabs of it - a few hundred carats of it, enough to bring to a jeweler - that would be enough to finance the rest of your life, you're sure. Hah. Of course, if you can't find the Water of Life, the rest of your life won't be very long, or hard to finance, you're sure. The more you stare at the blue sparkling stone, though, the more you want to stare at it. There's only one flaw, one tiny hole in the stone, at the very base.
Whip statue
You crack your whip at the statue. That'll show it.
You examine the hole
There seems to be a small hole at the base of the statue - about the size of your arm, it extends deep into the mesmerizing blue stone - you can't see the bottom of it, but there appears to be something stuck in it. Perhaps you should reach in and get it out. Nothing bad will happen. The more you look at the stone, the deeper you peer into the hole, the more you just want to put your arm into it. Perhaps now. Certainly now. "Let's PUT MY ARM INTO THE HOLE!" cries a voice in your head.
You go north
The Bottomless Pit - Well, *A* Bottomless Pit
Wind whistles through this room, threatening to knock you off balance, and off your precarious perch on a small ledge of stone. And that would be bad. Very bad. Because (and here you risk a quick glance down) the pit you are skirting appears to be bottomless. And not one of those "bottomless" pits where it's all build-up and hyperbole, and the bottom is QUITE visible a mere half-mile down, thank you very much. No, this is a PROPER bottomless pit. You fancy you can hear something, very faint, very soft, in the wind whistling out of the pit. To the south is the entrance hall of the temple, and much solider ground.
You listen
No. It couldn't have been. Or... was it indeed a voice comparing sizes of knives?

Something about the ledge catches your eye.
You look at something
You can't see anything that would be causing the faint sound. They must be very far away.

Something about the ledge catches your eye.
You look at the ledge
The ledge of stone juts out a little, a few feet maybe, above the pit. To the south of the ledge is the entrance hall of the temple. On one side of the ledge there are faint scrape marks.
You examine the marks
It appears as if people - or animals - cling to the edge of the ledge at this point.
You jump
You succumb to the temptation, and leap into the bottomless pit. The fall doesn't kill you.
Go south
Green, speckled light spills in from the exit arch of the Temple, which lies to the west. There are three passageways in the stone walls of the temple, set to the south, east and north. In the middle of the entry hall is a large statue, looming over anyone that may enter the temple.
You examine the head
The statue's head is thrown back, and not easily visible from the floor of the entrance hall. Which is odd, because in your opinion, (and you have many opinions about strange, cultish temples, having been in a few), the point of a statue is to convey the desired emotion in the viewer. And that is difficult to do, if you can't see the face. It makes you uneasy. Very uneasy, the more you look at it. Which, you belatedly realize, may be the point.
You climb the statue
There's no real good way to get a grip on the statue. Although, in your attempts, you do notice a small hole in the base of the statue.

There's no real good way to get a grip on the statue. Although, in your attempts, you do notice a small hole in the base of the statue.
You go east
A Twisty Maze of Passages, All Alike
You find yourself at the entrance to a twisty maze of passages. They all look alike, from here. The entrance itself is different than the entry hall of the temple - the floor is slightly softer than the rock in the entry hall, and the walls, more hand-hewn, with rounder edges. I mean, the whole temple is hand-hewn, to be certain, as the ancients who built it didn't have access to power tools, certainly. The exit lies to the west, a circular passageway ringed with white rocks.
Go west
With a shimmer of relief that starts at the base of your spine and works its way up to your scalp, you leave the maze and re-enter the temple entryway.

Green, speckled light spills in from the exit arch of the Temple, which lies to the west. There are three passageways in the stone walls of the temple, set to the south, east and north. In the middle of the entry hall is a large statue, looming over anyone that may enter the temple.
You go south
You walk through the south passageway, and immediately several spiked metal poles slam to the ground behind you, trapping you in the room you just entered.

Oh. It's going to be one of THOSE temples.

Looking around the room, you spy... not much. A bunch of things that seem... flatter than they should be. Walls that are a bit... greasy? In the north wall is a passageway back to the entry hall of the temple - and it is completely barred by spiked metal poles. And, peering up, there is, of course, the spiked ceiling which doesn't APPEAR to be descending... at the moment.
You look at the poles
The poles block the north passageway out of the room. Which happens to be the only passageway out of the room. There are small gaps in between each of the poles.
You look at the gaps
t7/46quishy-Makin

They are much too small to squeeze through. Even if you were greased. You would have to be an inch thick. AND greased. Through the gap you spy a small glimmer of light sparkling on the wall on the other side of the poles.

With a tortured screech of metal gears grinding, the ceiling quivers, shakes free a small spray of dust, then begins descending.
You examine the sparkle
t7/47quishy-Makin

Aha! There, on the far side of the poles, is a small switch - but it seems to be too far away to reach, unaided.
Whip sparkle
t7/48quishy-Makin

You try to whip the switch, but fail to flip it. It seems your whip is too flexible to move the switch - you're going to need something harder.

The ceiling inches closer to you. Those spikes look... sharp.
Inventory
t7/49quishy-Makin

You're carrying the corpse of a snake, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.

A bit of dust falls, as the ceiling nears.
You examine the ceiling
t7/50quishy-Makin

The ceiling appears very large, very heavy, very flat (except for the spikes), and very much headed down toward you.

The ceiling inches closer to you. The spikes draw your attention, to a point.
You get the spike
t7/51quishy-Makin

They're hardly portable.

You look around the room to try to spy anything that might help your escape... hmmm...
You get pole
t7/52quishy-Makin

They're hardly portable.

The ceiling inches closer to you.
You throw gun at the switch
t7/53quishy-Makin

Futile.

Surely something here must be useful... it would be cruel to design an evil temple with an UNESCAPABLE death trap!
You examine the things
t7/54quishy-Makin

Just... you know, things. That are flatter than things normally are. Like... you're pretty sure that torches have more than two dimensions. And skulls should be able to hold brains. And arm bones should - well, that bone is mainly okay. Looks like you would be safe, if you were less than one inch tall.

The ceiling inches closer to you, almost within reach. The spikes protruding downwards are certainly within reach. Something glints on one of them.
You get bone
t7/55quishy-Makin

You grab the arm bone from amongst the pile of flattened rubble. This might be useful.
You flip the switch with the bone
t7/57quishy-Makin

You struggle to squeeze the bone through the gap - but it just won't slide through. This bone needs lubrication - and quickly!
You put the grease on the bone
t7/58quishy-Makin

You rub the bone along the greasy wall, coating it nicely. Better hold on tight, it's slippery now.

The ceiling inches closer to you.
You flip the switch with the bone
t12/59uishy-Makin

You use the arm bone to flip the switch. The poles blocking the doorway retract - and more importantly, so does the ceiling, quickly winching back into its original position.

Congratulationment!® number 5 - "What POSSIBLE use is one of these rooms in a non-abandoned, fully functioning temple?"
You examine the spikes
t12/60uishy-Makin

The spikes are metal, and about a foot long, and are mercifully not moving closer to you at the moment. Dangling from one of the spikes is a metal gauntlet, spiked through the wrist.
You get the gauntlet
t12/61uishy-Makin

You are unable to reach the gauntlet, as it is too high above your head. Which is partly fortunate. You wouldn't want that spiked ceiling getting much closer, would you?
You take the gauntlet
t8/59quishy-Makin

You leap, and are just able to grab the gauntlet from the spikes.
Well done. Now to keep from being impaled or crushed.

Congratulationment!® number 7 - "Power glove!"
You clip the switch with the bone
t8/59quishy-Makin

I didn't understand that sentence.
You flip the switch with the bone
t13/60uishy-Makin

You use the arm bone to flip the switch. The poles blocking the doorway retract - and more importantly, so does the ceiling, quickly winching back into its original position.

Congratulationment!® number 5 - "What POSSIBLE use is one of these rooms in a non-abandoned, fully functioning temple?"
You examine the gauntlet
t13/61uishy-Makin

The gauntlet is made of hardened metal, and long enough to envelop your arm up to your shoulder.
You wear it
t13/62uishy-Makin

You put on the metal gauntlet.
You go north
Green, speckled light spills in from the exit arch of the Temple, which lies to the west. There are three passageways in the stone walls of the temple, set to the south, east and north. In the middle of the entry hall is a large statue, looming over anyone that may enter the temple.
You examine the hole
There seems to be a small hole at the base of the statue - about the size of your arm, it extends deep into the mesmerizing blue stone - you can't see the bottom of it, but there appears to be something stuck in it. Perhaps you should reach in and get it out. Nothing bad will happen. The more you look at the stone, the deeper you peer into the hole, the more you just want to put your arm into it. Perhaps now. Certainly now. "Let's PUT MY ARM INTO THE HOLE!" cries a voice in your head.
You put the arm in the hole
(a greasy bone in the flaw in the statue)
Taking a deep breath, you thrust your hand, encased in the gauntlet, deep into the hole at the base of the statue. Almost immediately you hear the shriek of metal on metal, and feel blades bouncing off the gauntlet as the machinery in the hole tries to sever your arm. But you are able to grab the treasure at the bottom of the hole and extract it before the blades can penetrate your armor.

Well, what do you know, the thing at the bottom of the hole was a ball of twine. Valuable!

Congratulationment!® number 8 - "A 1/200,000th scale model of the World's Largest Ball of Twine!"
You examine the twine
The spool of twine has quite a lot of twine in it. Twine is super useful. It can be... tied to stuff? Or... wrapped around packages? Everybody LOVES twine.
You tie the twine to the statue
You slip a loop of twine around an outcropping on the statue and cinch it tight.
You go to the east
You let the twine unroll behind you as you venture east.

A Twisty Maze of Passages, All Alike
You find yourself at the entrance to a twisty maze of passages. They all look alike, from here. The entrance itself is different than the entry hall of the temple - the floor is slightly softer than the rock in the entry hall, and the walls, more hand-hewn, with rounder edges. The exit lies to the west, a circular passageway ringed with white rocks.
Go north
Letting the twine unroll behind you, you move deeper into the maze.

A Twisty Maze of Passages, All Alike - Except This One is Secreting Stomach Acid
Well, isn't this peachy. You had a feeling that nothing good would come from wandering into any twisty maze of passages. The twisty maze of passages has widened here, in a large, kidney bean shaped chamber. Various valves line the walls, and the floor is coated in a thick layer of mucus.

A metal pirate hook is jabbed into the side of the stomach, sticking there.

Congratulationment!® number 9 - "Jason would be proud. (It's Jason, right? Jason sounds right. Well, you're an adventurer, not a professor of history. Or literature. Or historical literature.
(It's not Jason))"
Acid begins to flow through the valves on the walls in a heavy stream.
You get the hook
You yank the hook out of the wall, and a loud groan of pain echoes through the air.

Congratulationment!® number 10 - "Really internal medicine."
You get mucus
That's hardly portable.
You look at the mucus
It makes it slightly difficult to walk in here. It's so deep, you have no idea what it might hide.

The acid begins to eat through your clothing.
You look in the mucus
You find nothing of interest. Like usual. But adventurers are eternally optimistic!
You examine the valves
You find nothing of interest. Like usual. But adventurers are eternally optimistic!

This acid is beginning to make your eyes burn and your throat tingle.



Fist sized muscular holes through which a steady stream of acid is flushing into this chamber.
You describe your surroundings
A Twisty Maze of Passages, All Alike - Except This One is Secreting Stomach Acid
The twisty maze of passages has widened here, in a large, kidney bean shaped chamber. Various valves line the walls, and the floor is coated in a thick layer of mucus. Acid is pooling around you and starting to dissolve parts of your anatomy that you had grown fond of.

There goes the outer layers of your skin - you didn't need those, anyway. Free chemical peel (is the optimistic way of looking at this)!
Go north
You follow the twine, and are able to backtrack your route, leading you to...

Green, speckled light spills in from the exit arch of the Temple, which lies to the west. There are three passageways in the stone walls of the temple, set to the south, east and north. In the middle of the entry hall is a large statue, looming over anyone that may enter the temple.
You go north
You start to go, but decide to untie the twine before you leave.

The Bottomless Pit - Well, *A* Bottomless Pit
Wind whistles through this room, threatening to knock you off balance, and off your precarious perch on a small ledge of stone. And that would be bad. Very bad. Because the pit you are skirting appears to be bottomless. And not one of those "bottomless" pits where it's all build-up and hyperbole, and the bottom is QUITE visible a mere half-mile down, thank you very much. No, this is a PROPER bottomless pit. You fancy you can hear something, very faint, very soft, in the wind whistling out of the pit. To the south is the entrance hall of the temple, and much solider ground.
You look at the hook
The metal hook is meant to be a crude replacement for a hand. It is deeply corroded from the stomach acids of the maze beast, but it survived longer than the rest of the pirate did.

Something about the ledge catches your eye.
You look at the marks
It appears as if people - or animals - cling to the edge of the ledge at this point.

Something about the ledge catches your eye.
You look at the ledge
The ledge of stone juts out a little, a few feet maybe, above the pit. To the south of the ledge is the entrance hall of the temple. On one side of the ledge there are faint scrape marks.
You look at the marks
I didn't understand that sentence.

It appears as if people - or animals - cling to the edge of the ledge at this point.
You climb down
You must name something more substantial.

Something about the ledge catches your eye.
You examine the marks
It appears as if people - or animals - cling to the edge of the ledge at this point.
Cling to the ledge
You peek down, towards the bottom-less area of the pit. Probably not a good idea?

Something about the ledge catches your eye.

You scoot to the edge of the ledge, swing your legs over it, and start clinging on for dear life. Looking around, you spy some handholds that were previously invisible from your elevated point of view.
Go downwards
You decide to go down, anyway.
You examine the handholds
Clinging from the ledge, you can just make out a series of handholds that you could climb.
You climb
What do you want to climb?
Handholds
You climb over to the path of handholds. Clinging precariously to the sheer wall of the pit, you wonder what life decisions could have possibly brought you to this. You can climb up the handholds now, to the top, you figure.
Look around
The Bottomless Pit - Well, *A* Bottomless Pit
Wind whistles through this room, threatening to knock you off balance, and off your super-precarious handholds. And that would be bad. Very bad. Because the pit you are skirting appears to be bottomless. And not one of those "bottomless" pits where it's all build-up and hyperbole, and the bottom is QUITE visible a mere half-mile down, thank you very much. No, this is a PROPER bottomless pit. You fancy you can hear something, very faint, very soft, in the wind whistling out of the pit.
You climb down handholds
You decide to go down, anyway.
You go up
You begin to climb up the handholds, and after a long, arduous ascent, you arrive at the top...

The Top of a Bottomless Pit (Not a Topless Pit, Obviously)
Finally standing at the top of the pit, you can see, impressively far below you, the ledge you started from. A path of marked handholds leads down into the pit, and nothing leads up - you're at the top. You're on a small thrust of wood that extends out over the pit. There are two exits, a metal door to the south and a dark, grimy arch to the southeast. Both doors are currently blocked, however, by the extended wings of a hideous gargoyle.

Congratulationment!® number 11 - "Cliffhanger!"
You examine wood
The wooden thrust is a platform that extends out over the center of the bottomless pit. Marks in the wood are gouged out, from the southern door to the tip of the thrust - where they end.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You're carrying a spool of twine, a metal pirate hook, a greasy bone, the corpse of a snake, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the metal gauntlet, the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.
Whip gargoyle
The gargoyle grabs the whip, and pushes you away. "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN," it says.
You give the snake to the gargoyle
The gargoyle regards the corpse of a snake with a jaundiced eye. "AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, WOULD I DO WITH THAT?"
You talk to the gargoyle
The gargoyle seems to regard you with its stone eyes.
1
The gargoyle smiles, the stone somehow bending without cracking. "HELLO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY MY LOGIC GAME? I AM AFRAID I MUST PUSH THE GAME UPON YOU."
2
The gargoyle frowns, making the sound of sandpaper rubbing across granite. "TOO BAD. IT'S FUN! BUT I WON'T PUSH YOU ON IT."
You talk to the gargoyle
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY THE LOGIC GAME NOW?"
1
The gargoyle's grin grows wider. You spy the remains of a rat's nest in his mouth. "IN THE MORNING I WALK ON FOUR LEGS. I GET DAMpER AS I DRY, YET GOLDEN TREASuRE INsIDE IS hID, BUT IF YOU EAT it, YOU'LL DIE."

other.
You talk to the gargoyle
"DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER YET?"

other.
6
"WRONG!" The gargoyle gloats, as his wings spring forward and slice you in half.
1
"WRONG!" The gargoyle gloats, as his wings spring forward and slice you in half.
You examine the gouges
The gouges appear to be fingernail marks - from where unwilling sacrifices were dragged, screaming, to be thrown into the abyss. Or maybe someone was moving furniture without moving pads.
You go south
Man, someone needs to clean in here! Look at all of this dirt! Just look at it! Everything is coated in a layer of dirt, but you can make out a jagged array of sticks surrounding an altar in the middle of the chamber. On top of the altar rests a stone sarcophagus. Around the walls are strange metal discs, with holes in the middle of them, which shine cleanly amidst all the dirt. To the north and east there are metal doors.
You examine the dirt
Strange that this room in the temple is the first you find dirty - all the others have been clean, as if untouched by the passage of time, but this room is positively covered in grime.
You look at the sticks
The wooden sticks are almost your height, sharpened to a point at one end and the other stuck into the floor surrounding the altar, like funeral lilies.

A thin fluid begins to leak from the metal discs, and the smell of the room markedly increases.
You examine the fluid
You touch the fluid, then lick your fingers. Just as you thought, from the smell. Gasoline.
You examine altar
The altar occupies the middle of the chamber, and is plain, unadorned stone - or you assume it is, underneath the layer of dirt. Sharp sticks surround it, and on top of it rests a sarcophagus, with pride of place.
You look at the sarcophagus
The sarcophagus lies on top of the altar, closed. On top of the lid is engraved a skeleton, arms crossed, as if shielding itself.

The fluid coming from the discs increases in rate.
You open it
With a grunt, you shove the heavy stone lid off the sarcophagus.
You look in it
You find nothing of interest. Like usual. But adventurers are eternally optimistic!

You begin to get a bit light-headed from the fumes.
You get the stick
You attempt to rip one of the sticks from the floor, but manage to break most of them off at the root. Finally you wrestle one out, whole, and leave the rest on the ground where they fell.

Congratulationment!® number 13 - "Breakin' stuff to look tough!"
You look at the discs
The strange metal discs have a small hole in the middle of each one, surrounded by burnished metal.

There is a click, as if two dry bones struck one another, from the doors. The sound of bones hitting each other, or doorways locking, perhaps.
You put the stick in the hole
(a sharpened length of wood in the holes)
Those can't contain things.
You look at the doors
Metal doors. Extremely inpenetrable, locked, metal doors.

Okay. Time to assess the situation. Room locked. Certain doom coming. Seems familiar.
You get in the sarcophagus
You clamber into the sarcophagus. Fortunately, it was body-sized. What a coincidence!

Congratulationment!® number 14 - "Sarcophagus - literally translated, it means 'flesh-eating'. Sweet dreams!"
You close it
You try to lift the stone lid off the ground, but without success.

The room is quite full of gas by now, both the liquid and vaporous kind. Good thing you're (relatively) sheltered.
Smell gas
You take a deep whiff, then cough, wishing you hadn't. A deep, abiding smell of charcoal and gasoline hangs in the air.
You check your inventory
You're carrying a sharpened length of wood, a spool of twine, a metal pirate hook, a greasy bone, the corpse of a snake, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the metal gauntlet, the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.

There is a clicking sound, as if a lighter was being struck.
You wait awhile
Time passes.

There is a loud "WHOOSH" as the gas alights in burning jets, scouring the room.
You describe your surroundings
An Extremely Sooty Chamber (in the sarcophagus)
A solid wall of flames rushes by your hiding place. Better hope it stops soon - oxygen is beginning to get a little tight in here.

Flames continue to jet by, unabated.
Wait
Time passes.
You wait for a while
Time passes. You begin to grow antsy.
Wait
Time passes. You fidget.
You wait for a while
Time passes. You nervously tap your foot. You're a man of action, not waiting!

The heat is searing, but the flames appear to be dying down a little.
You put the snake on the stick
You slowly shove the sharpened stick through the snake, creating a certain style of meat lollipop.

The flames finally gutter out. It is now, you judge, in you professional adventurer's opinion, safe to emerge.

There is a click, and the doors to the room unlock, as the room rapidly cools.
You put snake on the stick
You slowly shove the sharpened stick through the snake, creating a certain style of meat lollipop.
You cook the snake
You poke the spitted snake out into the flames for a few seconds, then withdraw it back into the safety of the sarcophagus. Now you're sharing a small space with a smoking hunk of poisonous meat. Congratulations?

Congratulationment!® number 15 - "It tastes like chicken?"

The heat is searing, but the flames appear to be dying down a little.
You eat the snake
While it does appeal to you, as a certain kind of revenge, you decide ingesting MORE poison would probably be a bad idea.

The flames finally gutter out. It is now, you judge, in you professional adventurer's opinion, safe to emerge.

There is a click, and the doors to the room unlock, as the room rapidly cools.
You get out
You get out of the sarcophagus.

Everything is coated in a layer of soot - and for good reason! But you can make out a pile of sticks surrounding a stone sarcophagus, raised on an altar in the middle of the chamber. Around the walls there are bright nozzles, whose purpose is now obvious. To the north and east there are metal doors.
You examine bats
The bats cluster on the ceiling... maybe cluster is the term?... crawling over one another, packed more than cheek to jowl, but also claw to face. They look... hungry. Hungry for meat. Your meat. Better not attract their attention.
You show the snake to the bats
Your ill-fated action draws the attention of the bats. The bats notice that you're made of meat. Delicious meat? They decide to find out.
You get the snake
You surreptitiously saunter to the snake on a stick and sneakily snag it.
You throw the snake
You toss the snake onto the ground. At first, nothing happens. Then the bats notice the snake. First one flutters down, then, two, then nearly all of the bats are converging in a heap, fighting over the meal.
The aroma of the burnt snake permeates the room, and soon every last one of the bats joins the pile. One of the last bats to move reveals a shining golden treasure.
You examine the treasure
A shining crescent of pure gold. This near-legendary representation of the common banana fruit has provoked much discussion amongst adventurers. Is it a prize to be sought, or does it bear a terrible curse?
You get the banana
You quickly snag the treasure, while the bats are preoccupied. Congratulationment!® number 16 - "You collected a valuable(?) treasure".
You examine the rope
(a spool of twine)
The spool of twine has quite a lot of twine in it. Twine is super useful. It can be... tied to stuff? Or... wrapped around packages? Everybody LOVES twine.
Look around
An incredible ... squadron? troupe?... of bats is converged on the delicious, fragant body of a snake, and are rapidly consuming it. A window has a view of the swamp outside, and there are doorways to the west and northwest. A rope dangles from a hole in the ceiling.

You can see a heap of bats fighting over a snake on a stick here.
You look at the hole
The hole, through which the rope dangles, leads to the next level of the temple. And, it must be said, it doesn't appear that there are any carnivorous bats there. So it has that going for it.

The bats have finished eating, and quickly return to their previous roosts.
You examine the window
The view out the window reveals mile after mile of the tops of the Everglade trees.
You climb the rope
You try to ascend the rope, and make it about halfway, quickly hurrying hand over hand. Until one hand comes down on a bat. And then a bat comes down on your hand. And then many bats descend upon all parts of your body. And your body descends (rapidly) to the floor. And then the squeaking, nipping, feeding frenzy starts.
Inventory
Your ill-fated action draws the attention of the bats. The bats notice that you're made of meat. Delicious meat? They decide to find out.
You throw the snake
You toss the snake onto the ground. At first, nothing happens. Then the bats notice the snake. First one flutters down, then, two, then nearly all of the bats are converging in a heap, fighting over the meal.
The aroma of the burnt snake permeates the room, and soon every last one of the bats joins the pile. One of the last bats to move reveals a shining golden treasure.
You get the treasure
You quickly snag the treasure, while the bats are preoccupied. Congratulationment!® number 16 - "You collected a valuable(?) treasure".
You go northwest
With the bats distracted (for now), you scurry out the northwestern archway.

The Top of a Bottomless Pit (Not a Topless Pit, Obviously)
A path of marked handholds leads down into the pit, and nothing leads up - you're at the top. You're on a small thrust of wood that extends out over the pit. There are two exits, a metal door to the south and a dark, grimy arch to the southeast. The doors stand, free of obstruction.
You climb the rope
Congratulationment!® number 17 - "Rope day in gym class would be easier, if you were running from bats."

A Completely Normal (If Paleolithic Evil Temples Can Be Normal)
Room
Well, that's a nice change from bottomless pits, gargoyles, bats, grotesque statues, et cetera. This rooms appears to be entirely normal. The floor is normal. The walls are normal. There is a window out of the temple, with a view of the jungle. A rope dangles down to Bat Country, from which emanates excited squeaking. That's not normal. But it really should count against the normalcy of the room below, not this room. To the west is a doorway, that appears to lead to an entirely normal bathroom.

Someone has left a large collection of impressive steel pipes here. Complete with flashing lights, dials and switches.
You look at the pipes
You have no idea what this machinery is, or what it does. But you know one thing - when confronted with strange machinery, of unknown provenance in a strange temple, you ABSOLUTELY do not touch it. So why do you find your finger sneaking out to turn a dial, or perhaps flip a switch, before you regain your senses and snatch your hand back?
You go west
Alright, this is creepy. Both because this bathroom is unmistakably evil, now that you see it up close, and because there is a bathroom in an ancient evil temple. The most notable feature of the bathroom is the giant bathtub alongside the far wall. Other than that, there are the standard (evil) bathroom fixtures. Mirror (inscribed with inscrutable sigils), sink (filled to the brim with blood) and toilet (reeking of death and bad choices). To the east is the completely normal room, and set in the ceiling is a door marked with a strange heiroglyph.
You look in the mirror
You find nothing of interest. Like usual. But adventurers are eternally optimistic!
You look at the mirror
You see yourself, but not as you normally see yourself. As others see you. What you normally see as a dashing demeanor comes across as pompous. That cheeky grin is a sneer. And your hair looks incredibly strange parted on the other side.
You look at the sink
The sink is full of blood. That's probably the most pertinent detail. Other than that, it's a stone basin.
You examine the toilet
The toilet is creepy, as indoor plumbing is a relatively recent innovation. And by relatively recent, we are definitely excluding ancient stone temples.
You look at the hieroglyph
The language of this hieroglyph has been dead for centuries, which is ironic. Because it means "The Water of Life".
You examine the bathtub
The giant tub is alongside the far wall. It is about waist high on you, and very sturdy looking. The tub is full of water, making it impossibly heavy. But perhaps this is the famed Water of Life? Probably not - it's very murky. Through the murk, you can just make out a drain.
You examine the drain
It's what keeps the water in the tub. Or lets it out.
Drain bathtub
You pull the drain, and the water in the tub quickly rushes out, over the floor, quickly seeping into cracks. Hopefully *that* wasn't the Water of Life.
You examine the tub
The giant tub is alongside the far wall. It is about waist high on you, and very sturdy looking. The tub is now drained, and can appears to be several thousand pounds lighter - perhaps light enough to move.
You get the tub
That's hardly portable.
You move the tub
You heave and shove and manhandle the tub, and finally manage to get it right to the center of the room. Whereupon the trapdoor opens, spilling you into the room below, and leaving the tub teetering on the edge above you.

You fall nearly on top of the sarcophagus, and twist off in an clumsy gainer, landing on the heap of broken sticks, which break your fall.

Everything is coated in a layer of soot - and for good reason! But you can make out a pile of sticks surrounding a stone sarcophagus, raised on an altar in the middle of the chamber. Around the walls there are bright nozzles, whose purpose is now obvious. Above the sarcophagus, a trapdoor swings, open. To the north and east there are metal doors.

Congratulationment!® number 18 - "Tub thumpin'!"
You go west
You quickly scurry out the western door, slamming it behind you to avoid the bats.

Everything is coated in a layer of soot - and for good reason! But you can make out a pile of sticks surrounding a stone sarcophagus, raised on an altar in the middle of the chamber. Around the walls there are bright nozzles, whose purpose is now obvious. Above the sarcophagus, a trapdoor swings, open. To the north and east there are metal doors.
You examine the trapdoor
An open trapdoor swings above the sarcophagus, invitingly within reach - if you were to stand on the sarcophagus.
You get on the sarcophagus
You get into the sarcophagus.

A thin fluid begins to leak from the metal discs, and the smell of the room markedly increases.
Go upward
Crawling on top of the sarcophagus, and thence to the trapdoor, you re-enter the floor above.

The most notable feature is the fact that the floor in the center of the room is missing. Well, it's not exactly missing. It's on a hinge, and has swung down into the room below. The second most notable feature of the room is the giant bathtub in the center of the room, right on the edge of the trap door. Other than that, there are the standard (evil) bathroom fixtures. Mirror (inscribed with inscrutable sigils), sink (filled to the brim with blood) and toilet (reeking of death and bad choices). To the east is the completely normal room, and set in the ceiling is a door marked with a strange heiroglyph.
You look at the hieroglyph
The language of this hieroglyph has been dead for centuries, which is ironic. Because it means "The Water of Life".
You get in the bathtub
It would be hard to bathe yourself in an empty tub. Unless you were a mime. Then it would be too easy.
Go east
A Completely Normal (If Paleolithic Evil Temples Can Be Normal)
Room
This rooms appears to be entirely normal. The floor is normal. The walls are normal. There is a window out of the temple, with a view of the jungle. A rope dangles down to Bat Country, from which emanates excited squeaking. That's not normal. But it really should count against the normalcy of the room below, not this room. To the west is a doorway, that appears to lead to an entirely normal bathroom. Alright, a bathroom in a temple is also not normal. But again... should that count against THIS room?

Someone has left a large collection of impressive steel pipes here. Complete with flashing lights, dials and switches.

You find yourself absently fingering a dial on the machinery.
You turn dial
You go to mess with the contraption, but then stop yourself. Who knows what could happen?
You flip the switch
You find yourself strangely drawn, compelled, even, to fiddle with the machinery. You quickly stay your hand before you can do anything. Strange compulsions in mysterious temples are never any good.

The machinery emits a strange, low hiss.
You check your inventory
You're carrying a Golden Banana, a spool of twine, a metal pirate hook, a greasy bone, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the metal gauntlet, the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.

You find yourself absently fingering a dial on the machinery.
Whip machinery
You can't help it. You start flipping switches and pressing buttons like a mad man. There is a building noise that starts as a rattle, strengthens to a shriek, then ends in a clamorous roar as the machinery jitters and shakes. Finally, the noises cease, and a small vessel is thrust at you.
You get the vessel
Taken.
You examine it
You don't know how it was done, but this beverage is the almost complete opposite of tea.

You get a creepy feeling. Probably for no reason.
Drink beverage
No thank you. You prefer tea.

You find yourself absently fingering a dial on the machinery.
You go west
The most notable feature is the fact that the floor in the center of the room is missing. Well, it's not exactly missing. It's on a hinge, and has swung down into the room below. The second most notable feature of the room is the giant bathtub in the center of the room, right on the edge of the trap door. Other than that, there are the standard (evil) bathroom fixtures. Mirror (inscribed with inscrutable sigils), sink (filled to the brim with blood) and toilet (reeking of death and bad choices). To the east is the completely normal room, and set in the ceiling is a door marked with a strange heiroglyph.
You look at the mirror
You see yourself, but not as you normally see yourself. As others see you. What you normally see as a dashing demeanor comes across as pompous. That cheeky grin is a sneer. And your hair looks incredibly strange parted on the other side.
You show the tea to the mirror
You can only do that to something animate.
You examine the sigils
You glance at the sigils. They are in some alien alphabet, full of jagged edges and lines that should intersect, but somehow don't. You find your tongue moving of its own accord as you scan the letters, and yank your gaze away.
Drain sink
No thank you. The stopper is probably underneath all that blood.
Ick.
You throw the tea at the hieroglyph
Futile.
Inventory
You're carrying a drink unlike tea, a Golden Banana, a spool of twine, a metal pirate hook, a greasy bone, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the metal gauntlet, the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.
You look at the tub
The giant tub teeters on the edge of the trap door, but seems relatively sturdy, if you're careful about it. Standing on it should provide enough reach to get to the door in the ceiling. The tub is now drained, and can appears to be several thousand pounds lighter - perhaps light enough to move.
Open ceiling
How? There's nowhere to get a grip on the door.

You can't see any such thing.
You open the door with the hook
(a metal pirate hook)
That doesn't seem to be something you can unlock.
Whip door
You crack your whip at the door in the ceiling, slapping it fruitlessly against the blank wood. Perhaps if there was something for the whip to grip onto?
You throw the hook at the door
(a metal pirate hook at the door in the ceiling)
Futile.
You examine the door
The door set in the ceiling lies waiting for you. Surely you must be near the apex of the temple, and your destiny, by now. There appears to be no really good way to get a grip on the door and open it (though there is a small hole where it appears a doorknob used to be).
You put the hook in the hole
(a metal pirate hook in the door in the ceiling)
You climb atop the tub, being careful to not teeter it into the gaping trapdoor, and, standing on your tiptoes, you screw the hook into the soft wood of the ceiling door.
You put the hook in the hole
(first taking the door in the ceiling)

That's hardly portable.
You open the door
You can barely reach the hook, standing on your tiptoes on the edge of the tub. But reach it you do, and yank the door in the ceiling open. An ominous silence greets you from the room above. Funny. You expected Handel's Messiah.

Congratulationment!® number 19 - "Almost there... almost there!"
You go up
You climb on top of the tub, and carefully pull yourself up and through the door on the ceiling.

This is it. The culmination of your adventure. The culmination, indeed of the Temple. A beam of light spears through the air and spotlights a simple pedestal of pure white marble. Atop the pedestal there is a deep basin, and in the basin - this must be the Water of Life. An unearthly blue glow emanates from the water, bathing the rest of the room in rippling azure light. In the floor there is the door to the lower levels of the temple, but you can't think of going back - not with the end of your quest in sight.

Congratulationment!® number 21 - "King of the world, top of the heap!"

There is a commotion in the room below this one - you peek down through the trapdoor. Bats! The bats have seemingly followed you up the temple, and are circling wildly below (perhaps they are distracted by the sink full of blood). But it is only a matter of time before they start flying into this room...
You close the door
Acting quickly, you slam the trapdoor closed and throw its bolt, locking it. Unfortunately, you were not quick enough - one of the bats slipped through. It brushes your face with a wingtip as you duck out of the way. With a blood curdling screech, the bat starts circling the ceiling of the room, giant wings flapping.

Congratulationment!® number 22 - "Were you raised in a barn?"
Drink water
You drink from the Water of Life, and feel it coursing through your veins, healing your injuries, curing your poison, righting what once went wrong. You feel like a million bucks. You feel like you want to drink more, or bathe in it!

Congratulationment!® number 25 - "Thirsty?"
You bathe in Water
You attempt to bathe in the Water of Life, but the bat swoops at your neck and tries to sever it your head from your shoulders. Hurriedly, you knock it off, and back away from the basin.
Whip Bat
You crack your whip at the bat. Great, that just drew its attention.

The bat seems to have regained its sense of purpose, and begins circling above your head ominously.
You check what you're carrying
You're carrying a drink unlike tea, a Golden Banana, a spool of twine, a greasy bone, a whip and a gun. You are wearing the metal gauntlet, the battered fedora and an old leather jacket.

The bat flaps overhead, waiting for its opportunity to strike.
You examine the jacket
The coat has served you well. Perhaps that's why you wear it, even in the sweltering jungle heat. It's zipped open, which makes more sense in Florida, at least.

In an old leather jacket is a bundle of maps.

Scree, scree, scree, flap, flap, flap.
You throw the gun at the Bat
You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.

The bat makes a feint at your jugular.
You hit the Bat with the gun
It would be nice. But the gun is completely empty of bullets.

The bat flaps overhead, waiting for its opportunity to strike.
You throw the bone
Dropped.

The bat screeches, nearly shattering your eardrums.

The bat swoops in at you, and takes a nip out of your neck. You think you'll be okay... until the blood from your carotid starts fountaining out.
You look at Bat
This bat somehow seems both bigger and more malevolent than the other bats. Which is peculiar, because the bats were already large and malevolent as it was.
You throw Banana at the Bat
You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.
You throw the bone in Water
That can't contain things.

The bat seems to have regained its sense of purpose, and begins circling above your head ominously.
Xyzzy
*Poof!*

You find yourself in a wondrous cave. At least you assume it's wondrous. It's dark, and you have no light source. You may be eaten by a grue.

*Poof!* ...that wore off quickly.

Congratulationment!® number 28 - "Text Adventure Veteran."

The bat swoops towards you, but you duck out of the way.
You look at the Bat
This bat somehow seems both bigger and more malevolent than the other bats. Which is peculiar, because the bats were already large and malevolent as it was.

The bat makes a feint at your jugular.
You examine the fedora
Yeah, you know exactly what this hat looks like. After all, it is YOUR hat, right?

The bat flaps overhead, waiting for its opportunity to strike.
You get the Bat
I don't suppose an enraged giant bat would care for that.

The bat swoops towards you, but you duck out of the way.

The bat swoops in at you, and takes a nip out of your neck. You think you'll be okay... until the blood from your carotid starts fountaining out.
You throw the tea at the Bat
You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.

The bat swoops towards you, but you duck out of the way.

The bat swoops in at you, and takes a nip out of your neck. You think you'll be okay... until the blood from your carotid starts fountaining out.
You open the door
Foolishly, ignoring your better instincts, you open the trapdoor. Almost immediately after throwing open the bolt, the door flies up under the pressure of the bat bodies slamming against it, knocking you backwards, into the wall. Your breath is knocked from you, and you are thus at a disadvantage when the bats descend upon you.
Punch bat
You flail at the bat, ineffectively, with your fists. Rule one of boxing: don't try to box airborne opponents.

The bat divebombs at you, fangs bared, but jukes away at the last minute.

The bat swoops in at you, and takes a nip out of your neck. You think you'll be okay... until the blood from your carotid starts fountaining out.
Whip Bat
You crack your whip at the bat. Great, that just drew its attention.
Whip Water
You crack your whip at the water. That'll show it.
You examine pedestal
The pedestal is made of pure white marble, and seems to have been molded- formed? birthed? - complete and whole. There is not a chisel mark upon it.
You take basin
That's hardly portable.

The bat seems to have regained its sense of purpose, and begins circling above your head ominously.
Examine beam
The beam of light enters through a crystal block placed at the apex of the room - the apex of the apex, really. The crystal absorbs the rays of the sun, and concentrates them into an almost blinding shaft of light, which then pierces the air of the room, almost setting the dust motes ablaze, until it spotlights the marble pedestal, making the pure white stone seem to radiate, itself.

The bat screeches, nearly shattering your eardrums.
You look at the crystal
The block of crystal is the real apex of the temple, occuring as it does at the top of the room. It is here that the rays of the sun are focused into a beam of light, and that light directed down to the pedestal.

The bat screeches, nearly shattering your eardrums.
You get in the beam
That's not something you can enter.

Scree, scree, scree, flap, flap, flap.
You get in Water
You attempt to bathe in the Water of Life, but the bat swoops at your neck and tries to sever it your head from your shoulders. Hurriedly, you knock it off, and back away from the basin.

The bat's eyes glow with a pure red light. Is that possible?
You put all in Water
drink unlike tea: That can't contain things.
Golden Banana: That can't contain things.
a spool of twine: That can't contain things.
whip: That can't contain things.
gun: You dunk the gun into the water, which is generally against the operating procedure for guns, but it can't hurt, right? And lo, the glow in the water flouresces about your gun, and it suddenly feels just a tiny bit heavier - as if it has de-aged back to the time when it had a single bullet in it.

Congratulationment!® number 23 - "Water pistol!"
a greasy bone: That can't contain things.

Scree, scree, scree, flap, flap, flap.

The bat swoops in at you, and takes a nip out of your neck. You think you'll be okay... until the blood from your carotid starts fountaining out.
Xyzzy
*Poof!*

You find yourself in a wondrous cave. At least you assume it's wondrous. It's dark, and you have no light source. You may be eaten by a grue.

*Poof!* ...that wore off quickly.

Congratulationment!® number 28 - "Text Adventure Veteran."
You throw the gun in Water
You dunk the gun into the water, which is generally against the operating procedure for guns, but it can't hurt, right? And lo, the glow in the water flouresces about your gun, and it suddenly feels just a tiny bit heavier - as if it has de-aged back to the time when it had a single bullet in it.

Congratulationment!® number 23 - "Water pistol!"
You shoot bat
(with the gun)
You take careful aim, and fire the gun straight into the bat's heart. With a screech, it plummets - directly into the basin filled with the Water of Life! You rush to the basin, and peer in - but the bat is gone. Did it de-age itself to death? Is that even POSSIBLE?

Congratulationment!® number 24 - "Violence was the answer to this one."
You bathe in Water
You splash handfuls of the water over yourself, then double handfuls, faster and faster, reaching deeper and deeper into the basin, until you feel yourself fall in, pulled under the water, the unearthly blue glow building around you...
glow building around you...## A Bar, Three Days Ago, On the Outskirts of the Everglades
The bar extends the length of the room, and the ceiling fans and lone bartender are equally overworked by the rough and tumble crowd. Alligator ranchers, adventurers and native guides rub shoulders the entire length of the bar, shouting at the bartender, waving grubby fistfuls of money and pointing at the grimy bottles on display along the back shelf. To the east lies the exit of the bar, though the humid swamp air blowing in from that direction makes it not too tempting.

A man with a snaggly-toothed smile is here, bargaining with you.

"My friend!" says the man, "Let me tell you, if you want to venture into the Everglades, you will need a canoe!"
You ask the man about the canoe
You smile, and reply "Sure I do, bub. And can you run me a deal on a couple of boxes of bullets?"

Congratulationment!® number 26 - "I hope the 'AMUSING' section is good..."