The Cruise
Norman Perlmutter
boat IF Competition 2001 IFComp Game TADS TADS 2
%
You'd never won any sweepstakes before, but last Tuesday was your lucky day. You opened your bottle of soda at lunchtime, and to your absolute amazement found "YOU WIN" printed on the inside of the cap. Upon further investigation, you found that you'd won a free 3-day Caribbean cruise on The Rhinoceros. You had no idea how the cruise ship ended up with a name like that, but that didn't dissuade you from taking advantage of your prize. So you packed your bags and came here to Miami for your free vacation. Now The Rhinoceros towers above you to the east. A boarding platform extends invitingly from her hull.

Testers: Leah Perlmutter, Allen Saunders, David Perlmutter, Debbie Perlmutter

Your cruise ship, The Rhinoceros towers above you to the east, her boarding platform extended invitingly. A ticket collector stands on the boarding platform.
Friday Morning
About yourself
You look about the same as always.
You check your inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, and a large suitcase.
You examine the wallet
It's made of brown leather. It's closed.
You open the wallet
Opening your wallet reveals a boarding pass and some money.
You examine the boat
The Rhinoceros towers about 20 feet above you and appears to be over 300 feet long. Her boarding platform is extended invitingly.
You look at pass
This is the pass that will allow you do board the ship.
You look at the money
You have $51.42
You examine the ticket collector
She stands about 5'3" and has long brown hair and blue eyes.
About yourself
You look about the same as always.
You look at the suitcase
A very large green and orange suitcase with a purple handle. You used to use plain brown suitcases just like everybody else until the time someone else took yours at the baggage claim. You never saw that suitcase again. Ever since then it's been colorful luggage only for you.

Currently, the suitcase is closed.
You open the suitcase
You open the suitcase, and all of its contents fall onto the floor. Maybe next time you should put it down before opening it.
Look around
Your cruise ship, The Rhinoceros towers above you to the east, her boarding platform extended invitingly. A ticket collector stands on the boarding platform.
You see your pajamas, a pair of goggles, a swimsuit, and some
laundry here.

the ship departs.

How pathetic! You didn't even make it onto the ship.
You take the ticket
Taken.
You examine the ship
The ticket collector takes your boarding pass. "Thank you, sir. Your room is just to the south of the bottom of the stairs, which are just east of the boarding area. Here is your key. Enjoy your cruise."
You proceed onto the ship. The boarding platform retracts back
into the ship's hull.

This is where the passengers embark and disembark. The wall to the west opens up when the ship comes to port. The lobby is to the north, the grand hall is to the east, and the gift shop is to the southeast.

Your score just went up 5 points!

I don't see any ship here.
Look around
This is where the passengers embark and disembark. The wall to the west opens up when the ship comes to port. The lobby is to the north, the grand hall is to the east, and the gift shop is to the southeast.
Close the wallet
Closed.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a large suitcase, and a room key.
You look at the key
It is your room key.
Go east
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.
Go downwards
Stairway Area ( deck 1 )
A flight of stairs leads upwards to the second deck. The
residential hallway is to the south.
You go south
The hall continues to the east and west. To the south is the door
to your room. The stairway area is to the north.
You go to the south
You'll have to open the door to your room first.
You open the door
It's locked.
You unlock the door with the key
Unlocked.
You open the door
Opened.
You go south
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
Sitting on the nightstand is a note.
You examine the note
Welcome to The Rhinoceros . We hope you enjoy your stay.
- The Crew
You drop the suitcase
Dropped.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, and a room key.
You examine the drawer
There's nothing in the nightstand drawer.

The nightstand drawer is open. There's nothing in the nightstand drawer.
You open the suitcase
Opening your suitcase reveals your pajamas, a pair of goggles, a swimsuit, and some laundry.
You close the door
Closed.
You look at the laundry
The laundry is your supply of clothing for the entire trip.
You examine the bed
This is where you go to sleep at night.
You go south
The bathroom is equipped with the standard facilities: a toilet, shower, and a sink.
You see a roll of toilet paper here. The toilet bowl seems to
contain some toilet water.
You look at the paper
It looks like an ordinary roll of toilet paper to me.
You look at the toilet
It looks just like any other toilet.
You examine the sink
It is an ordinary sink. No water is coming out of the faucet.
You take the paper
Taken.
You turn on the faucet
It's already turned on!
Swim
The game makes you swim automatically when you are in the pool. If you want to move around, use the compass directions, up, and down. If you are in the pool and you want to go underwater, use down.
Flush toilet
That was fun! But hanging out in the bathroom and flushing the
toilet just to see what happens is not exactly your idea of a dream vacation.
You look at your surroundings
The bathroom is equipped with the standard facilities: a toilet, shower, and a sink.
The toilet bowl seems to contain some toilet water.
You go north
You see a large suitcase here. Sitting on the nightstand is a
note. Your suitcase seems to contain your pajamas, a pair of goggles, a swimsuit, and some laundry.
You look at the swimsuit
It is a standard red pair of swim trunks with white strings.
Wear the goggles
(First taking the goggles)
Taken. Okay, you're now wearing the goggles.
You leave
(Opening the door leading out of your room)
South Residential Hallway
You close the door
Closed.
You lock the door
(with the room key)
Locked.
You go west
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the north and east.
You go north
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the north and south.
Go north
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and south.
Go east
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and west. To the south is a maintenance closet.
The maitenance closet seems to contain a broom and a mop.
A muscular janitor stands in the doorway between the hallway and
the maintenance closet. He is holding a plunger.

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
You look at the closet
This large walk-in closet is not decorated in any way.

The janitor yawns.
You examine the plunger
The plunger consists of a wooden handle attached to a large red suction cup.

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
Examine janitor
The janitor is a large, muscular man with a thick mustache.

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
You look at broom
It looks like an ordinary broom to me.

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
You examine the mop
It looks like an ordinary mop to me.

The janitor yawns.
You talk to the janitor
"Hello"

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
You take the plunger
"Hey, that's mine!" says the janitor. "You can't have it!"

The janitor flexes his muscles.
You ask the janitor about the plunger
"It's what I use to unclog toilets. If you need me to clean out a toilet for you, tell me about the toilet."

The janitor taps the plunger against the floor rhythmically.
You look around
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and west. To the south is a maintenance closet.
The maitenance closet seems to contain a broom and a mop.
A muscular janitor stands in the doorway between the hallway and
the maintenance closet. He is holding a plunger.

The janitor flexes his muscles.
You go east
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the west and south.
You go south
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the west and north.
You describe your surroundings
The hall continues to the east and west. To the south is the door
to your room. The stairway area is to the north.
You go to the north
Stairway Area ( deck 1 )
Up
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.
You examine the painting
The painting is a colorful abstract design.
You look behind the painting
It's too far away.
You climb the tree
You try to climb one of the trees, but you can't find a firm enough place to grip onto it. You try each of the other trees, but have no better luck with them.
You look at the carpet
The carpet is so marvelously thick and comfortable that every step you take sends a sensation of pleasure through your foot and leg to your entire body. It is a gorgeous shade of red . . . somewhere between scarlet and vermillion.
You go north
Colors blare forth from screens all over the room. The games range from the newest technicolor 3-D creations to old classics. To the east, more money-wasting machines blare out noises in the casino. The comparatively serene lobby lies to the west, and the grand hall is off to the south.
Xyzzy
A hollow voice whispers, "I saw a 't' on top of a castle!"

A goat runs through the lounge. A llama chases after it. The glue is dripping down the side of the bottle.

I doubt that made any sense to you, since it's an inside joke. Well, when you type something out-of-context like xyzzy you should expect an out-of-context response. If you expected to be teleported, too bad for you. This isn't Zork. Friday Afternoon

It's time for lunch. You should go to the dining room soon.
You examine the games
You're not a huge fan of video games, but you've always liked Pacman. You notice that there is indeed a Pacman game in this arcade.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a room key, a roll of toilet paper, and a pair of goggles (being worn).
You open the wallet
Opening your wallet reveals some money.
You play the game
You put a quarter into the Pacman game and play it. "That was fun," you think, "but not nearly as fun as a text adventure game."

It's time for lunch. You should go to the dining room soon.
Go east
This is the ship's casino, where dozens of vacationers go every day
to get rid of their excess money. The casino's designers apparently didn't care much for variety. No blackjack, poker, or craps tables are here. There isn't a roulette wheel either. There are, however, slot machines, and lots of them. However, only one of them is currently open. Due to the huge crowd of people in the casino, you can't even get close enough to the other machines to get a good look at them. The arcade is to the west, the bar is to the south, and the grand hall is to the southwest.
You look at the people
The gamblers are mindlessly plunking money into the slot machines, hoping to win the jackpot.
You talk to the people
"Hello"
You look at the wallet
Your wallet contains some money. Currently, your money amounts to $51.17
You play the slot machine
You put 25 cents into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

banana . . . . cherry . . . . banana

Sorry, you lose :(

It's time for lunch. You should go to the dining room soon.
You go to the south
A man dressed in an odd-looking black hooded robe sits on one of
the barstools, drinking a foamy beer. Besides him, no one else is in the bar. Behind the bar, the bartender is nowhere to be seen.
Perhaps he is taking a break. Perhaps, that is why the bar is so empty. To the north, vacationers gamble away their money in the casino. A corridor to the west leads to the grand hall.
The old man extends a single hairy finger outside of his robe and beckons to you. "You!", he calls in a low, raspy voice. "Come have a seat. I must tell you something important."

The old man snakes a strong, thin, gnarly arm out of his cloak and takes a long drink of his ale. Then the arm disappears back into his cloak. But although you could have sworn you saw the frothy amber liquid emptying into his mouth, you notice the mug is still full to the brim.
You examine man
The old man sits at the bar. His robe shimmers strangely. Although he is obviously very old, his posture is straight, and he appears strong and healthy.
His face is wrinkled and is shrouded in the shadow of his hood.
His eyes are deepset but stare penetratingly out from between his wrinkles. Great wisdom seems to emanate from them. His nose is thin and bends slightly to the left. His lips are almost hidden within the shadows of his cloak. You can just barely make out the top of a long, thick, grey beard that extends from just below his lower lip down into his robe.
Examine mug
The ale is a dark amber and is very frothy. It is contained in a heavy glass mug. The foam bubbles and churns.

"Did you not hear me?" asks the old man. Come have a seat. I must tell you something."
You sit
(the barstool)

"Listen to my words!"
"I am a powerful wizard. I am aligned with the forces of good. Another powerful wizard is trapped in a magical location on this ship. He is aligned with the forces of evil. The island to which ship travels has come into alignment with a place of great evil magical power located in another universe. When the ship reaches the island, the evil wizard will slowly accrue power from the power source in the other universe. If the ship stays at the island long enough, he will accrue enough power to break free from the magical forces that hold him prisoner. Then he will conquer the entire earth and enslave the entire human race.
"There is only one way that this can be prevented. Three power crystals are located on this ship, all on different decks from each other. You must find them. In order to invoke their power, you must hold them in your hands; you cannot put them in any sort of container. After you have found them, taking them to the location of the portal to the evil wizard's prison will cause the area to be illuminated in a bright pink aura. You must go up from that location several times to reach the evil wizard's prison. You must bring the three power crystals to the place where the evil wizard is before he accrues enough power to break free. The crystals will cause him to be destroyed.
"You are probably wondering why I don't gather these crystals
myself since I am such a powerful wizard. The problem is that this is something only you can do. You have a special aura about you.
Because of this aura, you can gather the crystals. Because of this aura, you can use them to defeat the evil wizard. I cannot cast any spells to assist you; if I do, the crystals will be destroyed.
"I can, however, help you by giving you two magical items: an evil detector and some magic eyedrops. The evil detector will tell you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed from the evil power source. If it reads 275 or higher, he will have enough power to escape from his confines. The magic eyedrops will allow you to see the power crystals, which are normally invisible to ordinary people." The wizard pulls something out of the depths of his cloak that
looks very similar to a digital wristwatch and puts it around your wrist. "This is the evil detector", he says.
The wizard takes a spray bottle out of the depths of his robe and sprays a liquid from it into your eyes. It stings for a while, but after the stinging goes away, you feel as if your vision is somehow more acute. "Those were the magic eyedrops," he says.
"Before you go, I must warn you of one thing," says the wizard.
"The special aura that surrounds you is a mixed blessing. It does allow you to collect the crystals and defeat the evil wizard. Its drawback, however, is that if you come in complete alignment with an evil power source in another universe, you will die. This means that you must not go out onto the island.
"Oh, one more thing: You're probably thinking that this is a ridiculous scenario, that surely since I am such a powerful wizard I can do this myself. To help you understand the situation better, I will remind you of a story you have probably heard before, that of Aladdin. In that story, a powerful sorcerer wanted to get a magical lamp out of a cave. However, only Aladdin could enter the cave. It didn't matter that the sorcerer was a powerful sorcerer. Only Aladdin could enter the cave.
"If you want to hear all this again, ask me about the evil wizard."

Your score just went up 5 points!

Okay, you're now sitting on the barstool.
You look at the detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 0.

If you don't hurry up and go to the dining room you'll be late for lunch!
You look around
The Bar , in the barstool
A man dressed in an odd-looking black hooded robe sits on one of
the barstools, drinking a foamy beer. Besides him, no one else is in the bar. Behind the bar, the bartender is nowhere to be seen.
Perhaps he is taking a break. Perhaps, that is why the bar is so empty. To the north, vacationers gamble away their money in the casino. A corridor to the west leads to the grand hall.
You stand
Okay, you're no longer in the barstool.

If you don't hurry up and go to the dining room you'll be late for lunch!
Go west
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.
Go northwest
This is the ship's lobby. There is an information desk here,
behind which sits a clerk. The sounds of laser guns and racecar engines come from the arcade to the east, and a door to the north leads to a restroom. The lobby is to the south.
Sitting on the information desk is a sign, a ship information pamphlet, and an itinerary pamphlet.
A clerk sits behind the information desk.

The clerk drums her fingers on her desk.
You ask the clerk about dining
"Oh, hi there! Anne is my name, and information is my game. You
can ask me about people, places, or things."

"I'm sorry; I was wasn't paying attention. Could you repeat what
you were saying or doing, please?"

The clerk pulls a mirror out of her pocket, puts on some makeup, and puts the mirror back in her pocket.
You ask the clerk about the dining room
"Ha! I know plenty about that, but I don't feel like telling you about it right now."

The clerk cracks her knuckles.
You ask her about the food
"It's good to eat."

You have a nagging suspicion that something terrible will happen if you don't get to the dining room for lunch posthaste!!

The clerk rolls her eyes.
You examine the sign
The sign says ASK ME.

The clerk pulls a mirror out of her pocket, puts on some makeup, and puts the mirror back in her pocket.
You kill and eat woman
What do you want to attack?
Woman
What do you want to attack it with?
Wallet
Attacking the clerk doesn't appear productive.

The clerk looks at you and snickers.

The clerk doesn't appear appetizing.

The clerk drums her fingers on her desk.
You examine the ship information pamphlet
*The Rhinoceros is so named because the designer's favorite animal
was the rhino. He wanted to have pictures of rhinos painted all over the ship, but the cruise line refused. The designer reluctantly agreed, but only under the condition that the ship be named in honor of his favorite animal.

*The Rhinoceros is 327 feet long and comes 22 feet above the water
at its highest point. Its cruising speed is 23 knots.

*Believe it or not, large, powerful magnets occupy the bow and
stern of The Rhinoceros. Their orientation is such that any compass on the ship will always tell you that the bow is to the north and the stern to the south Therefore, the lobby, for instance, is always to the "north" of the boarding area no matter which direction the ship is travelling. These magnets are in all of this cruise line's ships because our eccentric CEO insists that the magnetic fields will have positive effect on the health of the passengers and crew. The magnets do not affect the ship's navigation because the captain uses GPS (global positioning system) to determine which direction it is travelling.

The clerk puts her right index finger inside of her right cheek and then pulls it out, making a loud popping noise.
You look at  the itinerary
Saturday Morning - Arrive at Paradise Island
Saturday Evening - Leave Paradise Island
Sunday Evening - Return to Miami

You have a nagging suspicion that something terrible will happen if you don't get to the dining room for lunch posthaste!!

The clerk picks a large, slimy booger out of her nose and eats it, then licks her lips.
Up
You can't go that way.

The clerk cracks her knuckles.
You look at your surroundings
This is the ship's lobby. There is an information desk here,
behind which sits a clerk. The sounds of laser guns and racecar engines come from the arcade to the east, and a door to the north leads to a restroom. The lobby is to the south.
Sitting on the information desk is a sign, a ship information pamphlet, and an itinerary pamphlet.
A clerk sits behind the information desk.

The clerk puts her right index finger inside of her right cheek and then pulls it out, making a loud popping noise.
You go south
This is where the passengers embark and disembark. The wall to the west opens up when the ship comes to port. The lobby is to the north, the grand hall is to the east, and the gift shop is to the southeast.
Go east
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.
Up
Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.

You have a nagging suspicion that something terrible will happen unless you can get to the dining room for lunch right away. You have a nagging suspicion that this will be the last warning before the terrible thing happens.
Go south
Waiters come in and out of the kitchen to the south, serving the diners at various tables. Ornate chandeliers hang from the ceiling.
A large doorway to the north and smaller doorways to the northeast and northwest lead to the stairway area.
The maître d' greets diners as they enter the dining room.

The maître d' says, "Sir, please go change into some more appropriate attire. You may not dine here dressed as you are. Ask me about eating when you're attired properly. "
You ask maitre about the attire
"In order to eat in this restaurant, sir, you must be properly attired. This means you may not be wearing any sort of swimwear or sleepwear."

The maître d' greets some guests.
You remove the goggles
Okay, you're no longer wearing the goggles.

The maître d' greets some guests.
You go south
A waiter stops you.
"You're not allowed to go in the kitchen, sir."

The maître d' looks around the room.
You ask the maitre about the dining
"I'm sorry, sir. I can't tell you much about that. Perhaps you should inquire at the information desk."

Suddenly, a large sign appears from out of nowhere in front of you. Large flashing lights on the sign say YOU LOSE. Maybe next time you should pay more attention to your nagging suspicions. . .
You ask the maitre about the eating
"Welcome to my restaurant," says the maître d'.
"Would you care for some lunch?"
Yes
After eating a scrumptious lunch, you're on your way again.

Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.
Friday Afternoon
You look at your surroundings
Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.
You examine the atrium
Exotic tropical trees extend up into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends along the side the atrium between the second and third decks.
You go to the south-east
Waiters come in and out of the kitchen to the south, serving the diners at various tables. Ornate chandeliers hang from the ceiling.
A large doorway to the north and smaller doorways to the northeast and northwest lead to the stairway area.
The maître d' greets diners as they enter the dining room.

"Welcome to my restaurant," says the maître d'.
"Would you care for some dinner?"
No
"Okay. Please ask me about eating when you're ready, sir."
You go southwest
You can't go that way.

The maître d' greets some guests.
You go north
You peer over the balcony, remaining in the same room. Exotic tropical trees extend up into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends along the side the atrium between the second and third decks.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a room key, a roll of toilet paper, a pair of goggles, and an evil detector (being worn). Your wallet seems to contain some money.
Go northeast
Several comfortable chairs and sofas are scattered about the room.
A young man sits on a black leather armchair, looking contemplatively out the window that covers the entire eastern wall of the lounge.
Next to the man is a small table. A small entryway to the south leads to the dining room. The hallway outside of the theater is to the northwest. To the west is a balcony overlooking the atrium. The hallway near staircase and the entrance to the dining room is to the southwest.
Sitting on the small table is a hint book.
Examine book
The book is smallish and black. The word "HINTS" is printed in large red letters on the front cover.
You read the book
Welcome to the hint book. The hints on each topic start out vague and get progressively more specific. Press a number key to view the next hint in that topic, or press any other key to exit. More hint topics will become available as you progress through the game.

Hints are available on the following topics:

1. I don't have enough money.
2. Finding the orange crystal
3. Obtaining the green crystal
4. Finding the purple crystal
exiting hint book . . .
You examine man
He has brown hair, bluish eyes, and a scraggly goatee. He wears glasses.
You examine the evil detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 0.
You talk to the man
"Oh, hello. I don't believe we've met. I'm Norman Perlmutter, the one who created this game you are playing. You can ask me about just about any significant item or character in the game, and I'll tell you about my experiences coding it up or thinking it up. If you need any hints, you can read the hint book sitting on the table."
Oops norman
"I had a lot of fun creating her."
You ask Norman about the old man
"He is probably more intricately and wordily described than any
other character."
You ask Norman about the janitor
"He is an amusing character."
You ask Norman about Norman
"I'm seventeen years old if you're playing this game during comp01, unless it's before October 7. In addition to writing IF, I like playing chess and participate in many chess tournaments. I judged last year's comp, and I thought it would be fun to write a game for this year. I live in Ohio. You might notice that I don't do random things every turn like most of the other characters. That was a really random assemblage of facts, wasn't it?"
You look around
Several comfortable chairs and sofas are scattered about the room.
A young man sits on a black leather armchair, looking contemplatively out the window that covers the entire eastern wall of the lounge.
Next to the man is a small table. A small entryway to the south leads to the dining room. The hallway outside of the theater is to the northwest. To the west is a balcony overlooking the atrium. The hallway near staircase and the entrance to the dining room is to the southwest.
You give the toilet paper to the man
"I have no need for that. Why don't you hold on to it? It just
might come in useful."
You examine the armchair
Which armchair do you mean, the orange chair, the green chair, or the black chair?
You look at the black
The book is smallish and black. The word "HINTS" is printed in large red letters on the front cover.
Go northwest
This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
Go southwest
This is the hallway just outside of the suites.A balcony to the
east overlooks the atrium. The hallway near the staircase and the entrance to the dining room is to the southeast. The area outside of the theater is to the northeast.
You check your inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a room key, a roll of toilet paper, a pair of goggles, an evil detector (being worn), and a hint book. Your wallet seems to contain some money.
You jump
Boing.
You go north
As you begin to enter the theater, a notice on the door catches your eye:

Comedian Heinrich von Quigley is performing in the theater. Although his act contains no profanity, some audiences may find some of the jokes offensive.

Having read the notice, you reconsider whether you want to enter the theater.
You go to the north
(Opening the theater door)
You enter the theater and sit down with the rest of the audience. The door swings closed behind you.

You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

What's big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red rock eater.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You look at the Comedian
There's nothing in the comedian.

The comedian says:

Three men walk into a bar. The fourth ducks.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You examine comedian
There's nothing in the comedian.

The comedian says:

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks it, and then
he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves.
Another pig walks into the bar and orders two beers. He drinks
them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders three beers. He drinks them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders four beers. He drinks
them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders five beers. He drinks
them and starts to head out the door. The bartender says, "Aren't you going to ask me where the bathroom is?"
"No," says the pig. "I'm the one who goes wee-wee-wee-wee-wee all
the way home.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You look around
Theater, in the chair
You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

Where does a 700 pound gorilla sit?
Wherever he wants.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You look at audience
They are listening intently to the comedian's jokes.

The comedian says:

puzzle in 8 months?
The box said 2-4 years.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Look around
Theater, in the chair
You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Billions and billions.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You examine the chair
You are sitting in a comfortable chair in the audience section of the theater.

The comedian says:

What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburned zebra.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You go south
You get up and leave the theater. The door swings closed behind you.

This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
Up
Cots are ordered in neat rows near the pool. Vacationers lounge
about idly on the cots. The shallow end of the pool is to the north, the main portion of the pool is to the northwest, and the diving well is to the west. To the southwest are the diving boards. A flight of stairs to the south leads downward.
You look at cots
Cots are scattered about the pool deck.
You look at the vacationers
Which vacationers do you mean, the sunbathers, or the swimmers?
You examine the sunbathers
The sunbathers lie about idly on the cots, hoping to improve their tans.
You look at the swimmers
They are moving around in the pool.
You go southwest
A ladder leads up ten feet to the top of the high diving board,
which extends over the diving well to the north.
You jump
Boing.
You go north
It would be unwise to go into the water wearing the clothes.
It would be unwise to get your wallet wet.
It would be ridiculous to take toilet paper into the pool.It would be unwise to go into the water wearing the evil detector.
It would be unwise to get the hint book wet.
You drop all
clothes: It would be unwise to commit indecent exposure.
wallet: Dropped.
room key: Dropped.
roll of toilet paper: Dropped.
goggles: Dropped.
evil detector: (Taking off the evil detector first)
Dropped.
hint book: Dropped.
You take all
wallet: Taken.
room key: Taken.
roll of toilet paper: Taken.
goggles: Taken.
evil detector: Taken.
hint book: Taken.
You go to the south
Miscellaneous merchandise for sale is on the shelves here. A price list is displayed on the counter, and behind the counter is the cashier. To the north is the grand hall. The boarding area is to the northwest.
Sitting on the shelves is some scuba gear, a fishing net, some
cottage cheese, a sharktooth bracelet, and a wooden box.
You examine the list
scuba gear - $2500
sharktooth bracelet - $10
fishing net - $5
cottage cheese - $2.98
wooden box - $1.29
You examine the gear
The self-contained underwater breathing apparatus consists of an air tank, a breathing tube, and a face mask.

The cashier yawns.
Examine box
The wooden box is about half the size of a shoebox. It has a hinged lid, which is closed. In the lid is a small keyhole.

The cashier yawns.
You open the box
It's locked.
You look at the net
It is a long-handled mesh fishing net.
You examine cheese
The cottage cheese is white and lumpy.
You examine the wallet
Your wallet contains some money. Currently, your money amounts to $50.92

The cashier yawns.
You ask the cashier about box
"It's a great buy for just 1.29."

The cashier scratches his nose.
Examine bracelet
It's a bracelet made of shark teeth.
You ask the cashier about the cheese
"You should try it. It's very tasty."

The cashier scratches his nose.
You look at the counter
It's pink.
You buy the cheese
You buy the cottage cheese for $2.98.
The cashier rings it up and places it on the counter. "Don't
forget to take it with you when you leave the store," he says.

The cashier yawns.
You eat the cheese
Yum! Yum!

"If you're still hungry, we've got more cottage cheese in stock",
says the cashier.

The cashier scratches his nose.
You take the cheese
Taken.

The cashier scratches his nose.
You buy the net
You buy the fishing net for $5.00.
The cashier rings it up and places it on the counter. "Don't
forget to take it with you when you leave the store," he says.
You buy the bracelet
You buy the sharktooth bracelet for $10.00.
The cashier rings it up and places it on the counter. "Don't
forget to take it with you when you leave the store," he says.

The cashier scratches his nose.
Wear bracelet
(First taking the sharktooth bracelet)
Taken. Okay, you're now wearing the sharktooth bracelet.
You buy the box
You buy the wooden box for $1.29.
The cashier rings it up and places it on the counter. "Don't
forget to take it with you when you leave the store," he says.

The cashier says, "Oh, I almost forgot that the person who buys
that box is supposed to receive this key as a free gift."
He hands you a small wooden key.
You open the box
It's locked.

The cashier scratches his nose.
Unlock box with wooden key
Unlocked.

The cashier scratches his nose.
You open the box
Opening the wooden box reveals an orange power crystal.
You take the crystal
Taken.

Your score just went up 15 points!
You take box
You've already got your hands full.
You examine detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 0.

The cashier yawns.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a room key, a roll of toilet paper, a pair of goggles, an evil detector (being worn), a hint book, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a small wooden key, and an orange power crystal. Your wallet seems to contain some money.

The cashier scratches his nose.
You drop the key
Which key do you mean, the room key, or the small wooden key?
You describe your surroundings
Miscellaneous merchandise for sale is on the shelves here. A price list is displayed on the counter, and behind the counter is the cashier. To the north is the grand hall. The boarding area is to the northwest.
You see a small wooden key here. Sitting on the counter is a
wooden box. Sitting on the shelves is some scuba gear.

The cashier scratches his nose.
You put the crystal in the box
Done.

The cashier yawns.
Inventory
You have your clothes (being worn), a wallet, a room key, a roll of toilet paper, a pair of goggles, an evil detector (being worn), a hint book, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), and a wooden box. Your wallet seems to contain some money.
The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal.

The cashier scratches his nose.
Wear the goggles
Okay, you're now wearing the goggles.

The cashier yawns.
You ask the cashier about the scuba
"It never runs out of air; that's why it costs so much."

The cashier scratches his nose.
You go to the north-west
This is where the passengers embark and disembark. The wall to the west opens up when the ship comes to port. The lobby is to the north, the grand hall is to the east, and the gift shop is to the southeast.
Go north
This is the ship's lobby. There is an information desk here,
behind which sits a clerk. The sounds of laser guns and racecar engines come from the arcade to the east, and a door to the north leads to a restroom. The lobby is to the south.
Sitting on the information desk is a sign, a ship information pamphlet, and an itinerary pamphlet.
A clerk sits behind the information desk.

The clerk puts her left index finger inside of her right cheek and then pulls it out, making a loud popping noise.
You go north
(Opening the bathroom door)
Restroom
This is a unisex restroom. A humble toilet occupies the corner.
"How different this world would be had Thomas Krapper never invented this marvel of high-tech plumbing," you think. There is also a sink here. The lobby is located through an open doorway to the south.
You see a roll of toilet paper here. The toilet bowl seems to
contain some toilet water.
You put the toilet paper in the toilet
Done.
Flush toilet
Some toilet water and a roll of toilet paper go down the drain, but the toilet does not fill back up as usual. Instead, it makes a grotesque gurgling sound and remains nearly empty.

Your score just went up 9 points!
Go south
This is the ship's lobby. There is an information desk here,
behind which sits a clerk. The sounds of laser guns and racecar engines come from the arcade to the east, and a door to the north leads to a restroom. The lobby is to the south.
Sitting on the information desk is a sign, a ship information pamphlet, and an itinerary pamphlet.
A clerk sits behind the information desk.

The clerk picks a large, slimy booger out of her nose and eats it, then licks her lips.
You go south
This is where the passengers embark and disembark. The wall to the west opens up when the ship comes to port. The lobby is to the north, the grand hall is to the east, and the gift shop is to the southeast.
Go east
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and west. To the south is a maintenance closet.
The maitenance closet seems to contain a broom, a mop, and a purple power crystal.
A muscular janitor stands in the doorway between the hallway and
the maintenance closet. He is holding a plunger.

The janitor flexes his muscles.
You tell the janitor about the toilet
"Are you trying to tell me that a toilet is clogged?"
Yes
"Is it the toilet in your room?"
No
"Okay, then it must be the toilet north of the lobby."

"Before I go unclog it, I just want to verify that you're certain
the toilet to the north of the lobby is clogged up. I must warn you that I get really mad when people lie to me. So, are you sure the toilet is clogged?"
Yes
"Okay, I'll get right to work. Don't go into the maintenance closet while I'm gone."

The janitor goes off to the east.
You describe your surroundings
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and west. To the south is a maintenance closet.
The maitenance closet seems to contain a broom, a mop, and a purple power crystal.
Go south
This large walk-in closet is not decorated in any way.
You see a broom, a mop, and a purple power crystal here.
You take the crystal
Which crystal do you mean, the orange power crystal, or the purple power crystal?
You examine the mop
It looks like an ordinary mop to me.
You examine the broom
It looks like an ordinary broom to me.
You go north
deck of the ship. To either side are doors leading to private rooms. The hallway continues to the east and west. To the south is a maintenance closet.
The maitenance closet seems to contain a broom and a mop.
You put the purple crystal in the box
Done.
Go south
This large walk-in closet is not decorated in any way.
You see a broom and a mop here.
You take the broom
Unfortunately for you, the janitor set up a security system that causes his broom to electrocute anyone who touches it if their fingerprints don't match his. The electric shock is 10,000 volts, which is more than enough to kill you.
You take the mop
Unfortunately for you, the janitor set up a security system that causes his mop to electrocute anyone who touches it if their fingerprints don't match his. The electric shock is 10,000 volts, which is more than enough to kill you.
You go south
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase here. Sitting on the nightstand is a
note. Your suitcase seems to contain your pajamas, a swimsuit, and some laundry.
You look at the laundry
The laundry is your supply of clothing for the entire trip.
You wear the swimsuit
You remove your clothes.
You drop them.
Dropped.
You put on the swimsuit.
Wear the goggles
You're already wearing the goggles!
You go to the north-west
It would be unwise to get your wallet wet.
It would be unwise to go into the water wearing the evil detector.
It would be unwise to get the hint book wet.
It would be unwise to get the cottage cheese wet.
It would be unwise to get the wooden box wet.
Friday Evening

It's time for dinner. You should go to the dining room soon.
You drop all
wallet: Dropped.
room key: Dropped.
goggles: (Taking off the goggles first)
Dropped.
evil detector: (Taking off the evil detector first)
Dropped.
hint book: Dropped.
cottage cheese: Dropped.
fishing net: Dropped.
sharktooth bracelet: (Taking off the sharktooth bracelet first) Dropped.
wooden box: Dropped.
swimsuit: It would be unwise to commit indecent exposure.
Inventory
You have a swimsuit (being worn).
Wear the goggles
(First taking the goggles)
Taken. Okay, you're now wearing the goggles.
You go northwest
People swim all around you. The water is four feet deep, deep
enough for you to easily swim around underwater. The shallow end is to the east, and the diving well is to the south.
You go east
People swim and play. The water is about two feet deep, just
barely deep enough for you to swim underwater. The main pool area is to the west, and the pool deck is to the south.

It's time for dinner. You should go to the dining room soon.
You go south
The diving well is so deep that you can't see the bottom. The main pool area is to the north, and the pool deck is to the east. The high diving board rises up ten feet from the deck to the south and extends out above the diving well.
Down
You take a deep breath, preparing to go underwater.

The main pool area is to the north. The diving well extends quite some distance below you.
Go down
The diving well continues above you and below you. At the bottom
of the diving well you see a vague apparition moving around.

You're starting to run low on air.
Up
The main pool area is to the north. The diving well extends quite some distance below you.

It's time for dinner. You should go to the dining room soon.

You're running very low on air.
Up
You come to the surface and inhale deeply.

Aaaah, sweet oxygen!

The diving well is so deep that you can't see the bottom. The main pool area is to the north, and the pool deck is to the east. The high diving board rises up ten feet from the deck to the south and extends out above the diving well.
Up
The diving board extends outward over the water to the north. If
you don't want to take the plunge, you can go back down the ladder to the south.
You jump
Yahooo!

The main pool area is to the north. The diving well extends quite some distance below you.
Boing

You come to the surface and inhale deeply.

The diving well is so deep that you can't see the bottom. The main pool area is to the north, and the pool deck is to the east. The high diving board rises up ten feet from the deck to the south and extends out above the diving well.
Boing.
Go east
Cots are ordered in neat rows near the pool. Vacationers lounge
about idly on the cots. The shallow end of the pool is to the north, the main portion of the pool is to the northwest, and the diving well is to the west. To the southwest are the diving boards. A flight of stairs to the south leads downward.
You see a wallet, a room key, an evil detector, a hint book, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet, and a wooden box here. Your wallet seems to contain some money. The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal and a purple power crystal.

If you don't hurry up and go to the dining room you'll be late for dinner!
You take all
wallet: Taken.
room key: Taken.
evil detector: Taken.
hint book: Taken.
cottage cheese: Taken.
fishing net: Taken.
sharktooth bracelet: Taken.
wooden box: Taken.
Down
Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.
You go to the south
The hall continues to the east and west. To the south is the door
to your room. The stairway area is to the north.

If you don't hurry up and go to the dining room you'll be late for dinner!
Go south
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase and your clothes here. Sitting on the nightstand is a note. Your suitcase seems to contain your pajamas and some laundry.
You wear clothes
You remove your swimsuit.
You drop it.
Dropped.
You put on the clothes.
Up
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.

You have a nagging suspicion that something terrible will happen if you don't get to the dining room and go to dinner posthaste!!
You remove the goggles
You could drop the goggles, but your hands are too full to carry them.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
Drop book
Dropped.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
You ask the maitre about the eating
"Welcome to my restaurant," says the maître d'.
"Would you care for some dinner?"
Yes
After eating a delectable dinner, you're on your way again.

Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.
Friday Evening
Go south
Waiters come in and out of the kitchen to the south, serving the diners at various tables. Ornate chandeliers hang from the ceiling.
A large doorway to the north and smaller doorways to the northeast and northwest lead to the stairway area.
You see a hint book here.
The maître d' greets diners as they enter the dining room.

"You've already eaten dinner tonight, sir." says the maître d'. "Please return tomorrow."
You take the book
You've already got your hands full.

The maître d' looks around the room.
Wear the goggles
Okay, you're now wearing the goggles.

The maître d' says to you, " Sir, I request you leave the dining room and not return until you are properly attired."
You take the book
Taken.

The maître d' says to you, " Sir, I request you leave the dining room and not return until you are properly attired."
Wait
Time passes...

The ma�tre d' greets some guests.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), a wallet, a room key, an evil detector, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet, a wooden box, your clothes (being worn), and a hint book. Your wallet seems to contain some money. The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal and a purple power crystal.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
Wear bracelet
Okay, you're now wearing the sharktooth bracelet.

The maître d' greets some guests.
You put the cheese in the box
You can't fit that in the wooden box.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
You put the wallet in the box
Done.

The maître d' says to you, " Sir, I request you leave the dining room and not return until you are properly attired."
You put room key in the box
Done.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
You wear the evil
Okay, you're now wearing the evil detector.

The maître d' greets some guests.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), an evil detector (being worn), some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, your clothes (being worn), and a hint book. The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, a wallet, and a room key.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
You describe your surroundings
Waiters come in and out of the kitchen to the south, serving the diners at various tables. Ornate chandeliers hang from the ceiling.
A large doorway to the north and smaller doorways to the northeast and northwest lead to the stairway area.
The maître d' greets diners as they enter the dining room.

The maître d' says to you, " Sir, I request you leave the dining room and not return until you are properly attired."
You examine the chandeliers
The crystal chandeliers are very beautiful.

The maître d' greets some guests.
You look at the waiters
They are busily serving diners.

The maître d' eyes you suspiciously.
Go north
(Opening the theater door)
You enter the theater and sit down with the rest of the audience. The door swings closed behind you.

You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes a whole lot of light bulbs.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Go north
You're not going anywhere until you get out of the chair.

The comedian says:

What's big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red rock eater.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You stand
Okay, you're no longer in the chair. You leave the theater. The door swings closed behind you.

This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
You go north
(Opening the theater door)
You enter the theater and sit down with the rest of the audience. The door swings closed behind you.

You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks it, and then
he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves.
Another pig walks into the bar and orders two beers. He drinks
them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders three beers. He drinks them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders four beers. He drinks
them, and then he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him. Then the pig uses the bathroom and leaves. Another pig walks into the bar and orders five beers. He drinks
them and starts to head out the door. The bartender says, "Aren't you going to ask me where the bathroom is?"
"No," says the pig. "I'm the one who goes wee-wee-wee-wee-wee all
the way home.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

Where does a 700 pound gorilla sit?
Wherever he wants.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

puzzle in 8 months?
The box said 2-4 years.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait awhile
Time passes...

The comedian says:

How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Billions and billions.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburned zebra.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait for a while
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What else is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What else is black and white and red all over?
Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

of bowling balls?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork . . .

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

A lawyer parks his Mercedes at the side of the road. When he opens his door, a passing car runs into it, breaking it off. He calls the police. When the police get there, the lawyer says, "Some idiot rammed into the door of my Mercedes and then drove away!"
"Sir, I'm terribly sorry about your car, but aren't you more
concerned about the fact that the accident also severed your arm?" "Omigosh! What happened to my Rolex?"

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

Why did the rooster cross the road?
To prove he was no chicken.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

Three nuns die and ascend to heaven. When they get up to the
pearly gates, St. Peter says, "I'm sorry, sisters, but it's getting awfully crowded up here. So we've instituted a new policy. In order to get in, you have to answer a question about the bible."
To the first nun he says, "Your question is: What was the first
man named?"
"That's an easy one," she replies. "He was Adam."
Bells ring, the gates open, and the first nun walks into heaven.
To the second nun he says, "Your question is: What was the first woman named?"
"That's an easy one," she replies. "She was Eve."
Bells ring, the gates open, and the second nun walks into heaven.
To the third nun he says, "Your question is: What was the first
thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun scratches her head. "Hmm . . . That's a hard one."
Bells ring, the gates open, and the third nun walks into heaven."

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait for a while
Time passes...

The comedian says:

How do you make an elephant float?
In a very tall glass, mix 1000 gallons of root beer, 10,000 scoops
of ice cream, and one elephant.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You look under the chair
There's nothing under the chair.

The comedian says:

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in the cherry trees.
You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Well, their disguise must be really effective.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

Why do vultures like to ride on airplanes?
Because of all the carry-on.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's at your front door?
Matt.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

swim?
Bob.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

your wall?
Art.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in most of the way, and the other to give it
a surprising twist at the end.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes a whole lot of light bulbs.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

What's big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red rock eater.

The audience laughs hysterically.
Wait
Time passes...

The comedian says:

Three men walk into a bar. The fourth ducks.

The audience laughs hysterically.
You check your inventory
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), an evil detector (being worn), some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, your clothes (being worn), and a hint book. The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, a wallet, and a room key.
You examine the evil detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 0.
You look at your surroundings
This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
You examine the slot machine
The slot machine is bright yellow with a red handle. A purple dial sticks out from the side of the machine. A notice is posted on the machine.
You read it
You must match all three slots to win a prize. Each slot has an equal probability of showing a cherry, an orange, a banana, a dollar sign, or a jackpot symbol. This is a special slot machine. You can choose how much many cents you want to wager by turning the dial to any number 1 through 100.

cherries . . . . . . . . x2
oranges . . . . . . . . x3
bananas . . . . . . . . x5
$$$ . . . . . . . . . . x10
jackpot . . . . . . . . x100
You examine the dial
The dial can be turned to settings numbered from 1 to 100. It's currently set to 25.
You pull the lever
You put $1.00 into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

jackpot . . . . jackpot . . . . banana

Sorry, you lose :(
Keep going
You put $1.00 into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

orange . . . . $$$ . . . . orange

Sorry, you lose :(
You hit machine
What do you want to attack it with?
You pull the lever
You put 1 cent into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

jackpot . . . . cherry . . . . jackpot

Sorry, you lose :(
Continue
You put 1 cent into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

orange . . . . $$$ . . . . banana

Sorry, you lose :(
Continue
You put 1 cent into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

jackpot . . . . jackpot . . . . orange

Sorry, you lose :(
Keep going
You put 1 cent into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

cherry . . . . orange . . . . cherry

Sorry, you lose :(
You continue
You put 1 cent into the machine and pull the handle. The slots whir and then slowly come to a stop one by one.

orange . . . . cherry . . . . cherry

Sorry, you lose :(
You check your inventory
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), an evil detector (being worn), some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, your clothes (being worn), a hint book, and a wallet. The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, and a room key. Your wallet seems to contain some money.
You read the book
Welcome to the hint book. The hints on each topic start out vague and get progressively more specific. Press a number key to view the next hint in that topic, or press any other key to exit. More hint topics will become available as you progress through the game.

Hints are available on the following topics:

1. I don't have enough money.
2. Obtaining the green crystal
exiting hint book . . .
You look at the slot
The slot machine is bright yellow with a red handle. A purple dial sticks out from the side of the machine. A notice is posted on the machine.
You examine dial
The dial can be turned to settings numbered from 1 to 100. It's currently set to 1.
You look at your surroundings
This is the ship's casino, where dozens of vacationers go every day
to get rid of their excess money. The casino's designers apparently didn't care much for variety. No blackjack, poker, or craps tables are here. There isn't a roulette wheel either. There are, however, slot machines, and lots of them. However, only one of them is currently open. Due to the huge crowd of people in the casino, you can't even get close enough to the other machines to get a good look at them. The arcade is to the west, the bar is to the south, and the grand hall is to the southwest.
You go south
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase and a swimsuit here. Sitting on the nightstand is a note. Your suitcase seems to contain your pajamas and some laundry.
You wear the swimsuit
You remove your clothes.
You drop them.
Dropped.
You put on the swimsuit.
Inventory
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), an evil detector (being worn), some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, a hint book, a wallet, and a swimsuit (being worn). The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, and a room key. Your wallet seems to contain some money.
You drop all
goggles: (Taking off the goggles first)
Dropped.
evil detector: (Taking off the evil detector first)
Dropped.
cottage cheese: Dropped.
fishing net: Dropped.
sharktooth bracelet: (Taking off the sharktooth bracelet first) Dropped.
wooden box: Dropped.
hint book: Dropped.
wallet: Dropped.
swimsuit: It would be unwise to commit indecent exposure.
Wear the goggles
(First taking the goggles)
Taken. Okay, you're now wearing the goggles.
Inventory
You have a swimsuit (being worn) and a pair of goggles (being worn).
Dive
(the diving board)
You dive deep down into the diving well.

The diving well continues above you and below you. At the bottom
of the diving well you see a vague apparition moving around.
Down
You've made it all the way down to the bottom of the diving well.
The water pressure makes your ears uncomfortable.A red fish darts about here.
You see a green power crystal here.

It's time for bed. You should go to your room soon.

You're starting to run low on air.x
You take the crystal
Taken.

Your score just went up 15 points!

You're running very low on air.x
Up
The diving well continues above you and below you. At the bottom
of the diving well you see a vague apparition moving around.

If you don't get some air soon, you'll pass out.x
Up
The main pool area is to the north. The diving well extends quite some distance below you.

If you don't get some air immediately, you'll pass out.x
Up
You come to the surface and inhale deeply.

Aaaah, sweet oxygen!

If you'd gone without it any longer, you would have drowned.

The diving well is so deep that you can't see the bottom. The main pool area is to the north, and the pool deck is to the east. The high diving board rises up ten feet from the deck to the south and extends out above the diving well.
x
You go to the east
Cots are ordered in neat rows near the pool. Vacationers lounge
about idly on the cots. The shallow end of the pool is to the north, the main portion of the pool is to the northwest, and the diving well is to the west. To the southwest are the diving boards. A flight of stairs to the south leads downward.
You see an evil detector, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet, a wooden box, a hint book, and a wallet here.
The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, and a room key. Your wallet seems to contain some money.

It's time for bed. You should go to your room soon. x
You take all
evil detector: Taken.
cottage cheese: Taken.
fishing net: Taken.
sharktooth bracelet: Taken.
wooden box: Taken.
hint book: You've already got your hands full.
wallet: Taken. x
You put green crystal in box
You can't fit that in the wooden box. x
Wear bracelet
Okay, you're now wearing the sharktooth bracelet. x
You take the book
Taken. x
You look around
Cots are ordered in neat rows near the pool. Vacationers lounge
about idly on the cots. The shallow end of the pool is to the north, the main portion of the pool is to the northwest, and the diving well is to the west. To the southwest are the diving boards. A flight of stairs to the south leads downward.

It's time for bed. You should go to your room soon. x
You examine the detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 0.x
Down
Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.
x
Down
Exotic tropical trees extend above you into the atrium. A colorful painting decorates the distant ceiling. A lush red carpet blankets the floor. A stairway with ornately carved railings extends upwards along the side the atrium to the third deck. A smaller stairway leads down to the first deck.

Almost all portions of the second deck can be accessed from here.
A corridor to the east leads to the bar. The video arcade is to the north, the casino is to the northeast, the gift shop is to the south, the boarding area is to the west, and the lobby is to the northwest.
x
Down
Stairway Area ( deck 1 )
A flight of stairs leads upwards to the second deck. The
residential hallway is to the south.
x
Go south
The hall continues to the east and west. To the south is the door
to your room. The stairway area is to the north.

If you don't hurry up and go to your room you'll be late for bed! x
You open the door
Opened. x
You go south
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase and your clothes here. Sitting on the nightstand is a note. Your suitcase seems to contain your pajamas and some laundry.
x
You wear the pajamas
You remove your swimsuit.
You drop it.
Dropped.
You put on the pajamas.x
Sleep
You'd rather sleep in your bed.x
You enter the bed
Okay, you're now lying on the bed.

If you don't hurry up and go to your room you'll be late for bed! x
Sleep
You enjoy a peaceful sleep. The next morning, you wake up refreshed and change into some fresh clothes.

A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase, a swimsuit, and your pajamas here.
Sitting on the nightstand is a note. Your suitcase seems to contain some laundry.
Saturday Early Morning x
You examine the note
Welcome to The Rhinoceros . We hope you enjoy your stay.
- The Crewx
Inventory
You have a pair of goggles (being worn), a green power crystal, an evil detector, some cottage cheese, a fishing net, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, a wallet, a hint book, and your clothes (being worn). The wooden box seems to contain an orange power crystal, a purple power crystal, and a room key. Your wallet seems to contain some money. x
You drop goggles
(Taking off the goggles first)
Dropped. x
You drop the net
Dropped. x
You take the orange
Which orange do you mean, the orange power crystal, or your suitcase?
You take the orange crystal
Taken. x
Inventory
You have a green power crystal, an evil detector, some cottage cheese, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wooden box, a wallet, a hint book, your clothes (being worn), an orange power crystal, and a purple power crystal. The wooden box seems to contain a room key. Your wallet seems to contain some money. x
You wear the evil
Okay, you're now wearing the evil detector. Saturday Morning

It's time for breakfast. You should go to the dining room soon. x
You look at what you're carrying with you
You have a green power crystal, an evil detector (being worn), some cottage cheese, a sharktooth bracelet (being worn), a wallet, a hint book, your clothes (being worn), an orange power crystal, and a purple power crystal. Your wallet seems to contain some money. x
You describe your surroundings
A comfortable-looking bed is against one wall, next to which is a nightstand with a drawer. Your bathroom is to the south. An open doorway to the north leads to the south residential hall.
You see a large suitcase, a swimsuit, your pajamas, a pair of
goggles, a fishing net, and a wooden box here. Sitting on the nightstand is a note. Your suitcase seems to contain some laundry. The wooden box seems to contain a room key.
x
Go south
The bathroom is equipped with the standard facilities: a toilet, shower, and a sink.
The toilet bowl seems to contain some toilet water.
x
You put the cheese in the toilet
You might want to use that for something else later, and you wouldn't want to have to fish it out of the toilet.

It's time for breakfast. You should go to the dining room soon. x
Go north
The hall continues to the east and west. To the south is the door
to your room. The stairway area is to the north.
x
Up
Stairway Area ( deck 3 )
The grand staircase leads downward through the atrium to the grand hall; a smaller staircase leads up to the pool deck. Comfortable sofas and chairs occupy the lounge to the northeast, and the main entrance to the dining room is to the south. Smaller entryways to the southeast and southwest also lead to the dining room. A hallway outside the suites is to the northwest. A balcony to the north overlooks the atrium.

It's time for breakfast. You should go to the dining room soon. x
You go south
Waiters come in and out of the kitchen to the south, serving the diners at various tables. Ornate chandeliers hang from the ceiling.
A large doorway to the north and smaller doorways to the northeast and northwest lead to the stairway area.
The maître d' greets diners as they enter the dining room.

"Welcome to my restaurant," says the maître d'.
"Would you care for some breakfast?"
You look at the detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 1.x
You examine the detector
The evil detector looks similar to a digital wristwatch. However, instead of telling you the time, it tells you how much evil power the evil wizard has absorbed. If it gets up to 275, the evil wizard can break free and take over the world. Currently, it reads 2.x
You go northwest
This is the hallway just outside of the suites.The whole hallway
glows with a pink aura. A balcony to the east overlooks the atrium. The hallway near the staircase and the entrance to the dining room is to the southeast. The area outside of the theater is to the northeast.
x
Go northeast
This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
x
Go north
(Opening the theater door)
You enter the theater and sit down with the rest of the audience. The door swings closed behind you.

You are sitting on a chair in the theater. A comedian is telling jokes on the stage.

The comedian says:

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes a whole lot of light bulbs.

The audience laughs hysterically.x
You go south
You get up and leave the theater. The door swings closed behind you.

This is the hallway just outside the theater. A door to the north leads into to the theater. The suites are to the southwest, and the lounge is to the southeast. A balcony to the south overlooks the atrium.
x
Go southeast
Several comfortable chairs and sofas are scattered about the room.
A young man sits on a black leather armchair, looking contemplatively out the window that covers the entire eastern wall of the lounge.
Next to the man is a small table. A small entryway to the south leads to the dining room. The hallway outside of the theater is to the northwest. To the west is a balcony overlooking the atrium. The hallway near staircase and the entrance to the dining room is to the southwest.
x