The Day I stabbed Stalin
Marius Müller
walkthrough
The third part in the Alex and Paul series. Contains some violence.
%
Dear Blogreaders,
I think we can all agree it has been a weird year. It's so cool that we could replace all our technology with Alien Tech (tm) from those UFOs that crashed last year. And just think of the last three weeks - the governors daughter abducted, and then, sudden and unrelated, this state allows gay marriage after all. Good for Paul and me! I heard the news when  I returned from my three weeks trip to Europe. I rushed to his New Year's Party, and, well, after the last two years, I had a hunch that this could turn into

Paul, his hair cropped short and dyed deep blue, awaits you at the door. "Alex! How was Europe?"
"Fine! How is the party?"
"Good, good."
He gives you a long, sensitive hug, which usually means he wants to annoy you.
"I invited a lot of people, to help you socialize -like Uncle Wally! I had to, after you accidentally (Paul puts a lot of *acid* in that word) sent him that Thomson's Gazelle last year. And even those nice Dagon Cultists from next door. So try and behave yourself, 'kay?"
"I always try! I even made a cupcake." You hand Paul the single, small, crumpled and black thing, sole survivor of another kitchen fiasco. That gets you a soft giggle and Paul disappears. You really wonder how he manages to stay away from you on a three room party.

A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here.
About yourself
You're Alex. A middle-aged guy in combats boots, jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket. You normally wear your hair cropped short, but Alex convinced you to grow it out, and you must admit you really like it.
You open the drawers
You open the chest of drawers, revealing a roll of duct tape.
You take the tape
Taken.
You look at it
Duct tape. You use it for minor household repairs and some hardcore roleplaying. You're pretty sure you can use it to TAPE something TO something else.
You look at the potter room
A small door. Somewhat non-descript.
You open it
You open the small door and cram yourself into the Potter room.

Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust.
You look at tools
Every shelf carries its own heap of rusty, quite useless tools.
Search tools
You discover a ten foot aluminium pole. Now you only need something you wouldn't want to touch with it.
You take the pole
You already have that.
Search tools
You find nothing more. Well, technically you find some more stuff, obviously, but it's odd - none of it seems exactly...y'know...helpful.
Leave
You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.
You look around
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.
Go up
Paul has forbidden any entrance for either you or anyone else to the rest of the House for the night. Aside from a a seductive "Maybe later, when we're alone", that is.
Go east
And there he is! Uncle Wally, small, stout, with his Stalin moustache and Soldier's jacket to go with it. He opens his arms wide: "Alex, me boy! Didn't know I had to keep my back to the wall at this party! Haw! Haw!" He slaps you on the shoulder. "Ha ha, just kidding! I have nothing against queers personally!"

Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South.

Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about which of these will kill us first - lack of oil, terrorists, the climate change or the return of the aliens.

Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks.

You can also see a sleeping pirate and Uncle Wally here.
You look at the pirate
Like every year, Paul told one guy that this is a costume party. Some fellow showed up in a pirate costume, complete with a hook hand, an eyepatch and a flintlock. Looks like he was so embarassed he smoked till he passed out.
You take the hook
Hm, interesting. It might be useful. You decide to nick it, after all he could hurt himself with it in his sleep.
You examine the hook
It's made of plastic and looks cheap and durable.
You get the flintlock
You carefully remove the flintlock from the Pirates belt. It is, indeed, a working model - and loaded. Looks like you've only got one shot, though. Very Jack-sparrowish.
Tape hook to pole
You tape the hook hand to the pole, making a pole hook.
You examine the purses
Most people arrived directly from last-minute College courses and brought their stuff with them.
Go south
You can't see any such thing.

The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

Your cupcake sits among all the tasty food, sad and forlorn.

Someone stuck a knife in the buffet next to the (unimplemented) cheese.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing: "The Stowaway" by Murray Gold (performed by Yamit Mamo).

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?"
You shoot Stalin
No, that was the first one.
You take it
Uncle Wally says: "Ah, hungry? I thought you fair folk only eat hoers'd'oeuvre." You pull the knife out of the counter.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a knife
a pole hook
a flintlock
a roll of duct tape
You tape the knife to the pole hook
You can't, well, you probably can, but you don't want to tape that together. (This isn't a cheap way out - it's an interesting chasm between player and PC motivation.)
Stab Stalin
(with the knife)
Even though this guy pisses you off to no end, you can't kill him in here. Even though you seem to miss him all the time, Paul is in here somewhere. And he won't be amused if he sees his dead uncle.(Hated or not.)
You look around
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

Your cupcake sits among all the tasty food, sad and forlorn.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing:"All that she wants" by Ace of Base..

You can also see Uncle Wally here.
You examine the cupcake
A small, black, crumpled thing. Hard as steel. It looks pitiful.
You hit Uncle
Hey! This game isn't called "The day I attacked Stalin!"
Inventory
You are carrying:
a cupcake
a knife
a pole hook
a flintlock
a roll of duct tape
Go south
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners."
You examine Pool
A small, pool, lacking a ladder of similiar equipment. It's just a huge body of water, trapped by greenish, ugly tiles.
You look in Pool
No, you need both hands to swim.

You find nothing of interest.
You examine the wall
Quite high. But climbable.
You examine the undergrowth
Thick undergrowth. You think you glimpse something, though.
You take the mouse
You already have that.
You drop all
toy mouse: Dropped.
cupcake: Dropped.
knife: Dropped.
pole hook: Dropped.
flintlock: Dropped.
roll of duct tape: Dropped.
Swim
In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously])
You are surrounded by clear, cold water.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?"
You get out
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

You can also see a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman."
Swim
In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously])
You are surrounded by clear, cold water.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food."
You hold the breath
You hold your breath.
Go up
You can't go that way.

You can't hold your breath any longer.
You go outside
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

You can also see a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I don't get why I'm called sexist just because I say men should be allowed to hit their women. I think we all agree that talking to them never helps anyway."
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.

A broken plank lies here. It has a sticker on it.
You examine the plank
This plank has been  broken in two . The sticker reads: "Take that, you godless vandals!"
Inventory
You are carrying:
a plank
You go to the east
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.

You can see a golf cart (closed) here.
You examine the cart
A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. Looks like they learned their lesson from the two you crashed. This one has an Alien Tech(tm) powered swipe card reader.
You open the cart
It seems to be locked.
You go northeast
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.
You examine the snake
It's a weird hybrid, developed through Alien Tech (tm). They eat all the garbage. With that problem solved, everyone  can focus on the climate.The plastic eating snake has eaten something square. Queer.
You cut the snake
Cutting him up would achieve little.
You squeeze the snake
Keep your hands to yourself.
You examine the gate
It's a lovely gate, the club's motto "Nos es superbus nostri balls!" engraved above it. (Yes, it has a stone arc, but that's unimportant.)
You open gate
It seems to be locked.
You go to the south-west
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.

You can see a golf cart (closed) here.
Go west
You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
You drop the plank
Dropped.
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

You can also see Uncle Wally, a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a pole hook
a toy mouse
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
a toy mouse
About yourself
You're Alex. A middle-aged guy in combats boots, jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket. You normally wear your hair cropped short, but Alex convinced you to grow it out, and you must admit you really like it.
You take all
pole hook: Taken.
flintlock: Taken.
knife: Taken.
cupcake: Taken.
You shoot mouse
You can only do that to something animate.
You drop all
cupcake: Dropped.
knife: Dropped.
flintlock: Dropped.
pole hook: Dropped.
roll of duct tape: Dropped.
toy mouse: Dropped.
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.

You can see a plank here.
You go to the east
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.

You can see a golf cart (closed) here.
You ask the snake about the food
*hiss* *hiss* Unblinking stare.
You throw up
The snake has better things to do.
Help
[That command asks to do something outside of play, so it can only make sense from you to me. The snake cannot be asked to do this.]
Go west
You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

You can also see a toy mouse, a roll of duct tape, a pole hook, a flintlock, a knife, a cupcake and Uncle Wally here.
You take all
toy mouse: Taken.
roll of duct tape: Taken.
pole hook: Taken.
flintlock: Taken.
knife: Taken.
cupcake: Taken.
You show the mouse to Uncle
Uncle Wally is unimpressed.
You tape wally
What do you want to tape Uncle Wally to?
You go north
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing:"Cheerleader of Dementia" by Lesbians hate time travel.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "So, do you and Paul see a lot of musicals?"
You look at the speakers
Small...speakers. Connected ...to the ... laptop.
You examine counters
They are weighted down with the buffet.
You eat the buffet
(first taking Food)

NOM!NOM!NOM! (There is still much food left)
You go north
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South.

Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how alien tech really didn't change the world as much as expected.

Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks.

You can also see a sleeping pirate here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?"
You look at the backpacks
Most people arrived directly from last-minute College courses and brought their stuff with them.
You search the backpacks
Oh, some joker from med school brought his stuff in a body bag with a shoulder strap. You empty it on the heap and take it along. Might get useful, what with this game's title and all.
You get the eyepatch
It's hard work, but you resist the urge to snap the eyepatch against the pirates head.
Wear the bag
You put on the body bag.
You put all except the bag in the bag
toy mouse: Done.
cupcake: Done.
knife: Done.
flintlock: Done.
pole hook: Done.
roll of duct tape: Done.
You go south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing: "The Final Countdown" by Europe..

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners."
Go south
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?"
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
You go to the east
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.

You can see a golf cart (closed) here.
Go northeast
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.

You can also see a plank here.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a body bag (being worn and open)
a roll of duct tape
a pole hook
a flintlock
a knife
a cupcake
a toy mouse
You give the mouse to the snake
The snake regurgitates a swipe card. Then she unhooks her jaw and swallows the toy mouse.

SQUEAK!
You take the swipe card
You already have that.

SQUEAK!
You look at card
A swipe card covered in snake saliva.

SQUEAK!
Clean card
You achieve nothing by this.

SQUEAK!
You unlock cart with the card
You open the golf cart.
You open the cart
That's already open.
You look in cart
The golf cart is empty.
You get in the cart
You get into the golf cart.
Look around
Hilltop (in the golf cart)
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.
Go northeast
Entrance Gate (in the golf cart)
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.

You can also see a plank here.

SQUEAK!
Go east
You can't go that way.

SQUEAK!
Go north
With breakneck 30 mph, you ram the gate. Luckily, it was only painted plywood. (The golf course had some financial problems. But that's a different story and has nothing to do with replacing all those golf carts.)

Country road (in the golf cart)
The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west.
You go to the west
Soon you arrive at an invisible wall. Who'd've thought that cheap trick from First Person Shooters carried over so well to IF.
Go east
Soon you arrive at a "ROAD BLOCKED" sign and return.
Go north
Cemetery (in the golf cart)
It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1820 minutes."

There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton.
You get out
You get out of the golf cart.

It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1819 minutes."

There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton.

You can also see a golf cart (empty) here.
You look in the grave
In the Grave is a coffin.
Open coffin
You open the coffin, revealing a corpse.
You look in the coffin
In the coffin is a corpse.
You look at the body
In the body bag are a roll of duct tape, a pole hook, a flintlock, a knife and a cupcake.
You get all from the coffin
You have enough trouble getting rid of the one corpse. Besides, in there is room for two.
You go south
The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west.
You go north
It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1809 minutes."

There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton.

You can also see a golf cart (empty) here.
Go south
Country road (in the golf cart)
The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west.
Go south
Entrance Gate (in the golf cart)
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.

You can also see a plank here.

SQUEAK!
You go outside
You get out of the golf cart.

A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.

You can also see a golf cart (empty) and a plank here.

SQUEAK!
You go southwest
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.
You climb wall
You put the swipe card into the body bag.

You manage to scramble over the wall.

Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

You can also see Uncle Wally here.
Go north
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing: "Quality Shoe" by Mark Knopfler..

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman."
You go north
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South.

Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the greatly anticipated "Bedtime story."

Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks.

You can also see a sleeping pirate here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food."
Go west
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I don't get why I'm called sexist just because I say men should be allowed to hit their women. I think we all agree that talking to them never helps anyway."
You go inside
Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "So, do you and Paul see a lot of musicals?"
You ask Wally about the women
Uncle Wally says: "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?"
You ask Wally about Arch Stanton
Uncle Wally says: "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners."
You ask Wally about the top
Uncle Wally says: "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?"
You ask Wally about the golf
Uncle Wally says: "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman."
Kiss wally
Keep your mind on the game.
Leave
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?"
You go to the east
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South.

Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the problem of staying human in a posthuman world.

Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks.

You can also see a sleeping pirate here.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners."
Go south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing: "Quib-based Conversation" by Michael Martin.

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?"
Go south
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)

Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman."
You ask Wally about Paul
Uncle Wally says: "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food."
Stab wally
(with the knife)
Deciding to work on your daggers/knife instead of your social skill, you stab Uncle Wally in the back. He throws up his arms, shouts "Aaargh!" and drops into the pool. "See!" he shouts, with his last breath, "I knew you gays are all psychos!" You shout back: "Firstly, that's a lesbian clich?s. Secondly, the fact that I am a murderous sociopath has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. Anyway, boths are not things I conciously chose, and therefore I can't be judged for either of them."
You examine Pool
A small, pool, lacking a ladder of similiar equipment. It's just a huge body of water, trapped by greenish, ugly tiles.

Uncle Wally's corpse is drifting around in the swimming pool.
You take the hook
Taken.

You did it again! Damn, luckily all the people thought it was one of your crazy performances again and clapped, but Paul knows a dead uncle when he sees one. Better get rid of the corpse. It's not like Paul will miss him too much.
You look at the hook
A makeshift pole hook. Might be useful to FISH something.(Mind you, not something out of something, just fish the general thing. Okay? Thanks.)
You look around
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.)
Fish body
You fish out Uncle Wally's corpse.
Inventory
You are carrying:
Uncle Wally's corpse
a pole hook
a body bag (being worn and open)
a swipe card
a roll of duct tape
a flintlock
a cupcake
You put the body and the hook in the bag
pole hook: Done.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
Uncle Wally's corpse
a body bag (being worn and open)
a pole hook
a swipe card
a roll of duct tape
a flintlock
a cupcake
You put the body in the body bag
You can't see any such thing.

You can't put something inside itself.
You put all in the bag
Uncle Wally's corpse: Done.
You climb the wall
You manage to scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
You go to the east
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.
Go northeast
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

A plastic-eating snake slithers around here.

You can also see a golf cart (empty) and a plank here.

SQUEAK!
Go north
It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1762 minutes."

There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton.
You put corpse in the coffin
You gently put Uncle Wally ...who am I kidding? You slump his corpse onto the other corpse, say "Don't cuddle" and slam the coffin shut. That's one problem of your mind.
You climb the wall
***You suddenly have the feeling as if you're not safe anymore. You'd really rather feel safe. You should buy a safe for all those bonds you recently bought.***
You manage to scramble over the wall.

Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water.

One of the cultists, you think he's called Tony, stands here, holding an Uzi in unsteady hands.
You look at Tony
Below the hood of his black robe, you see eyes weary with the madness they've seen, or maybe he just needs a good night's sleep. He holds his Uzi in shaking hands.
You look at Dagon
It's the shapeless, nameless abomination Dagon, a giant fish monster.
You shoot Dagon
Tony has better things to do.

Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load.
Um.
Let me rephrase that.
You give cupcake to Dagon
(first taking the cupcake)
Dagon doesn't seem interested.

Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load.
Um.
Let me rephrase that.
You give the cupcake to Tony
(first taking the cupcake)
Tony doesn't seem interested.

Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load.
Um.
Let me rephrase that.
Stab tony
You need something sharp.

Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load.
Um.
Let me rephrase that.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a body bag (being worn and open)
a pole hook
a swipe card
a roll of duct tape
a flintlock
a cupcake

Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load.
Um.
Let me rephrase that.
You shoot tony
With what?
You shoot tony
You draw the flintlock, cock the hammer, shout "YAAAR" to confuse Tony and shoot him! He throws up his arms ("AAARGH") and drops dead.
You search tony
You find an Uzi (32/32) and a bag of strange powder, both of which you pocket.
You examine Powder
It's  a bag labelled "Dagon Dissolving Powder. Best use in a huge explosion for maximum effects." Oh, look, those cultists had a safeguard.
You throw Powder
Dropped.
You take the bag
You already have that.
You throw Powder at Dagon
You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.
You talk to Dagon
"Ia! Ia! Cthulhu F'thagn, P'nglui M'wagalnath R'lyeh... Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath?"
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a bag of strange powder
an Uzi
a flintlock
a body bag (being worn and open)
a pole hook
a swipe card
a roll of duct tape
a cupcake
You get all from the bag
pole hook: Taken.
swipe card: Taken.
roll of duct tape: Taken.
cupcake: Taken.
You shoot Powder with Uzi
You can only do that to something animate.
You look at your surroundings
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water.

You can also see Tony's corpse here.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You are carrying:
a cupcake
a roll of duct tape
a swipe card
a pole hook
a bag of strange powder
an Uzi
a flintlock
a body bag (being worn and open but empty)
You examine the flintlock
An antique flintlock  - and it's working.You got 0/1 bullets left.
You drop the flintlock
Dropped.
You look at your surroundings
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water.

You can also see a flintlock and Tony's corpse here.
Go north
No, his polymorphus, unholy, eldritch mass blocks the way.
You drop all
cupcake: Dropped.
roll of duct tape: Dropped.
swipe card: Dropped.
pole hook: Dropped.
bag of strange powder: Dropped.
Uzi: Dropped.
You enter Pool
In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously])
You are surrounded by clear, cold water.
You hold the breath
You hold your breath.
You go outside
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water.

You can also see an Uzi, a bag of strange powder, a pole hook, a swipe card, a roll of duct tape, a cupcake, a flintlock and Tony's corpse here.

You can't hold your breath any longer.
Burn powder
This dangerous act would achieve little.
You put all in the bag
Uzi: Taken.
bag of strange powder: Taken.
swipe card: Taken.
roll of duct tape: Taken.
cupcake: Taken.
flintlock: Taken.
Tony's corpse: One corpse was enough trouble.

flintlock: Done.
cupcake: Done.
roll of duct tape: Done.
swipe card: Done.
bag of strange powder: Done.
Uzi: Done.
pole hook: Done.
You climb the wall
***You suddenly have the feeling as if you're not safe anymore. You'd really rather feel safe. You should buy a safe for all those bonds you recently bought.***
You manage to scramble over the wall.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
You go to the east
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.
You look at the cart
A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. Looks like they learned their lesson from the two you crashed. This one has an Alien Tech(tm) powered swipe card reader.

SQUEAK!
Search cart
The golf cart is empty.

SQUEAK!
You get the plank
SQUEAK!
You get in the cart
You get into the golf cart.

SQUEAK!
You go southwest
Hilltop (in the golf cart)
You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden.
You go west
Golf course (in the golf cart)
You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.
Tape plank
What do you want to tape the plank to?
Plank
You already have that.

You repair the plank. Now (by dropping it near the wall) you can make a ramp with it.
Exit
You get out of the golf cart.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here.

You can see a golf cart (empty) here.
You drop the plank
You prop up the plank against the wall, making a ramp.
You go west
Maneuvering carefully, you steer the golf cart up the ramp and send it flying! Dagon turns its big, ugly head, but it's too late - you crash the car into his side, and the resulting explosion sprinkles him with the dissolving powder! Soon, nothing is left of him but a mass of greenish-grey goo, not unlike the bottom of that pot you found in the back of the cupboard. You splash into the water, expecting to be greeted by a thankful Paul, but no such luck. Hey! The game's usually over when you fly the cart. Outrageous!

In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously])
Chunks of green goo are drifting around here - ewww.
You hold the breath
You hold your breath.
Go outside
Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

You can see Tony's corpse here.

You can't hold your breath any longer.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a body bag (being worn and open)
a pole hook
an Uzi
a swipe card
a roll of duct tape
a cupcake
a flintlock
You go north
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

There are some bloodstains here.

On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music.
Right now, it's playing: "Quib-based Conversation" by Michael Martin.
Go north
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South.

Eek! All the guests have been horribly slaughtered in some sort of ritual to invoke Dagon. Has this author some issues or what?

Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks.

You can also see a sleeping pirate here.
You examine the pirate
Like every year, Paul told one guy that this is a costume party. Some fellow showed up in a pirate costume, complete with an eyepatch. Looks like he was so embarassed he smoked till he passed out.
Go west
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.
You enter
Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust.
You ascend
Oh, something in your pants vibrates. As you aren't happy about any of this, it must be your cell phone that you always forget you have. (So it wasn't mentioned in your inventory earlier.) It's Paul! After pressing the receiver, you hear some voices:
"Damn, we thought you were a virgin! Why did you shout "Don't kill
me, I'm a virgin!" when we started slaying everyone?"
There's Pauls voice, heartbreakingly weak: "I don't know, I guess always wanted to say that."
You describe your surroundings
This is  a small hallway, with a lot of doors that lead to generic upstair bathroom, etc.

A door leads east into the bedroom.
You open the door
You open the bedroom door, ready to kill - You see Paul, he is tied to the bed and painted with some arcane symbols - to his left stands Jack, the cultist who always brings the pie over, and to his right is Luke, a rather shy guy whom you often see standing outside to smoke. Paul cries: "ALEX!"

There is a bed in the middle of the room, and a cupboard on the wall to your left.

A door leads west into the Hallway.

Jack is dropping a dagger he was holding and goes for his gun!

Luke is bringing his pistol into firing position.
You get all from the bag
pole hook: Taken.
swipe card: Taken.
roll of duct tape: Taken.
flintlock: Taken.
You shoot jack
You shoot Jack before he can draw his gun. Unfortunately this means that Luke can put three slugs into you, because he already had his gun out (pay attention!)
You shoot luke
RATATATATAT!
Luke keels over, his pistol flying. You turn around to drop Jack, however the damn Uzi is jammed.
You throw cupcake at Jack
Jack has his gun out and places a shot right over your left ear - luckily he only hits a photograph of Uncle Wally on the bedroom wall. You fling the cupcake at Jack, never lacking the nerve,  and he's hit in the forehead, tumbles,  crushes through the bedroom window and slams into the ground a few inches from the pool . (It's fun to kill people who are clearly villianous and therefore require no compassion whatsoever.) You look down at Paul, still tied to the bed. "Man, those cultists! They seemed so nice, even voted Obama. For once I'm glad you're such an anti-social maniac. Will you free me now?"
You grin and jump on the bed. "Not yet."
He sighs (happily). "You know, I'm glad we're getting married. That'll help to make you into a more social being. And this yearly terror might end." You shrug. "I don't know. You'll still make New Year's Parties sometimes, right?"