The Day I shot Alex
Marius Müller
walkthrough
Paul is at the perfect party! But someone is missing...
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The emergency siren wakes you from uneasy dreams.
What's going on? You dimly recall the scientists are examining the results of project LOVIATAR. Something must've gone wrong.

You are in the sleeping quarters. This room is very white and very clean. Your space bunk is here.

THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES!
About yourself
You are Xonathan Xask, janitor 3rd class on Space Station Ollster III in the year 2578. Your life has been miserable and uneventful so far, but you have a feeling that is about to change.
You go north
This corridor is incredibly clean, and incredibly white. The future is awesome. The corridor ends to the northeast at a door marked in Chinese, and continues to the southwest. There is a huge window here, looking out on Mercury.

THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES!
You examine the window
Mercury looks small and grey, especially compared to the unbelievably massive sun behind it.
You go northeast
(first opening Chinese door)

There is a thick, plasteel bulkhead door in the east wall here, complete with  a viewing window. The corridor continues to the north, but the pulsing red light and the annoying WOOP-WOOP make it pretty clear that the emergency is here.

THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES!

The emergency door release button is glowing blue.
You look at the window
The scene is horrifying: The octagonal box containing Loviatar, stands on the steel table, but it's broken. Drs. von Behring, Ross and Finsen lie on the ground, convulsing, screaming and foaming at the mouth. You need to get them to the med bay, quick!
About yourself
You're wearing golden, faux-leather t-shirt and skintight black jeans. You've have your highlights redone for this party and sincerely hope Alex will notice this time.
You look
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a
storage closet. (You only call it  "The Potter Room".)  It's perfect.

A piece of string has come undone from the carpet.
You pull the string
Nothing obvious happens.
You examine the string
It's a piece of string from your hallway carpet, the ugly one Alex bought that depicts a prancing bear.
You get it
Taken.
Inside
Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. A perfect, cozy little room.

A dusty novelty beard lies on one of the shelves.
You examine the beard
Alex gave it to you as a present, so, he said, your sister could play his beard more convincingly.
You examine the tools
You don't need to repair anything. Everything is perfect.
Outside
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a
storage closet. (You only call it  "The Potter Room".)  It's perfect.
You go east
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards
to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south.

Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how continuity can often be confusing to new players.

A discarded roll of "fish breath breath mints" lies here.
You examine the mints
There is but one mint left. Before you waste your time on >eat, it
will just tell you that you have the feeling you need it for a special occasion.
You eat the mint
You gulp down the mint.

Oh, that's right! YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO FISH! YOU DIE IN HORRIBLE AGONY!
You go south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which
leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect.

A mp3-player is lying on the counter.
You look at food
Looks perfect.
You examine the player
An old mp3, player, which seems to have only one file on it.

The mp3-player is currently switched off.
You examine the laptop
The laptop is empty.
Go south
Your parents were  rather fond of this. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss
tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a golf course (You find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

Some rocks lie around here. They look perfect.

A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the perfect afternoon glow.

There is a small, perfect swimming pool here.
You examine the rocks
Some perfect rocks, from deep inside the mountains near here.
You examine the people
They're perfect people.You can't see Alex or Dana, your two favorite people.
You look at the pool
The water looks clear, perfect.
You enter the pool
You have a feeling it will be cold, but as you dip a toe in, you find it's the perfect temperature. Still, you don't feel like swimming. After all, it might be a bit much to expect an implemented swimming pool that has no bearing on the plot, you reason quite rationally.
You examine the wall
This wall has seperated your house from the golf course for all eternity. It looks ... weirdly ... like a border.
You go north
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which
leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect.
Go north
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards
to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south.

Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about Texture.
Go west
A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a
storage closet. (You only call it  "The Potter Room".)  It's perfect.
Go upwards
You'll go upstairs once the party is over. With Alex. It's gonna be perfect.
You go east
You finally run into the guy dressed as a green-eyed alien. All three look at you wearily.
"They got you too, eh? Where you from? Earth, I guess? You have all these weird inside eyes."
"Who's in there, Dana?"
"Listen, I'm kinda on the run from the Time Rangers, can you hold on this for me?"
"Sure, but ... who are you? And what is this? I thought this was my house?"
The alien looks at you humourlessly, or maybe you're just bad at reading alien faces. "You are as far from your house as you can possibly be, kitten." You look at the small blue container, shaped, it seems, like an oversized tampon. The alien points at it with a three-fingered hand. "That's the last destronium in existence. And I want it back. Name's Zaxnor the Galaxy Destroyer.We'll see each other later."
And with that, he's gone.
What a shameless sequel hook, you muse to yourself.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a vial
some rocks
a mp3-player
a roll of mints
a women's novelty beard
a string
You look at vial
A vial, labelled DESTRONIUM - don't move at more than 4x llightspeed. Don't feed to Xragulians, no matter how much they ask for it. Don't ingest if you're alive by Galactic Standard defintion 4. Safe to
ingest for being by Galactic definitions 1-3. Volatile if thrown."
Guys usually tell you you're a 7-8, so better no ingest it.
You open the front door
Something is really wrong here. You're not worried too much, though - no matter what TV shows or moralistic sci-fi stories tell you, living in a perfect place isn't that bad. But that alien clearly was some
sort of outisider, talking down to you about something. And neither Dana nor Alex are here, and that worries you quite a bit. So, you open the door. You look up and down your street, as you've done ten
thousand times. Nothing special. Then you notice a letter at your
feet. Man, who doesn't text in this day and age? You pick it up and close the door.
You read the letter
It's  from Darna, who was probably mentioned here and there - your
old friend Darna Elbe, first transgender temperologist.It simply
reads:
IT'S A SIMULATION. PLEASE REJECT IT! I LEFT SOMETHING FOR ALEX IN
THE POTTER ROOM - All my love, Dana.

P.S. Sorry I can't do more, but there wasn't enough time to code my plotline.
You examine the beard
Alex gave it to you as a present, so, he said, your sister could play his beard more convincingly.
You go east
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards
to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south.

Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how hard video syncing is.
You go to the south
The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which
leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room.

On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect.
You get the laptop
That's fixed in place.
Go south
Your parents were  rather fond of this. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss
tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a golf course (You find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.)

A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the perfect afternoon glow.

There is a small, perfect swimming pool here.
Go south
Boink! You run into the wall.
You climb the wall
You can't quite say why, but you don't feel like you can climb the
wall yet. Maybe ... maybe there is something you need to do
beforehand?
Inventory
You are carrying:
a letter
a vial
some rocks
a mp3-player
a roll of mints
a women's novelty beard
a string
You throw rocks at the wall
Futile.
You go north
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards
to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south.

Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how continuity can often be confusing to new players.
Inside
Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. A perfect, cozy little room.

A brown package has appeared here. It's labelled FOR ALEX.But Alex isn't here. Nor do you know where he might be.
You look at the package
In the package is a plasma gatling.
You examine it
Oh, Alex would love this! It's an Alien Tech (tm) high-powered plasma gatling gun. Alex talked to you about this, and you pretended to listen. As it fires about 400 slugs of superheated plasma per
*second*, it's cooled by sodium fluoride and sodium tetrafluoroborate. What use such a gun is in a world whose problems are mainly a lack of collaboration is anyone's guess, but you couldn't deny Alex' childish glee when talking about weapons. This thing looks dangerous, it would be very easy to SHOOT someone with it. It also has a  single GRENADE for when you need to GRENADE multiple enemies at once.
You shoot yourself
You don't have as many violent urges as Alex, thank god! A non-violent IF protagonist makes for a nice change.
You go east
Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards
to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south.

Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the upcoming Citizen Kane prequels.
You shoot the people
You hesitate for a moment. There are all your friends, and 2 or so acquaintances of Alex. You'd really hate to shoot them! Alex is
usually the one who does the killing in the house. Well, it can't be helped.
You level the plasma gatling at them. Luckily, and Alex showed you a long and boring and badly shot YouTube video on this, the gatling
speds up extremely fast. It takes all put 2 seconds to completely obliterate your living room and everyone in it.
Gee, you sure hope that letter wasn't a prank.
You shoot the people
You hesitate for a moment. There are all your friends, and 1 or so acquaintances of Alex. You'd really hate to shoot them! Alex is
usually the one who does the killing in the house. Well, it can't be helped.
You level the plasma gatling at them. Luckily, and Alex showed you a long and boring and badly shot YouTube video on this, the gatling
speds up extremely fast. It takes all put 2 seconds to completely obliterate your garden and everyone in it.
Oh no, looks like there was one survivor!
You look
The smoldering ruins of your garden.

A cute little corgi sits here.

There is a small, perfect swimming pool here.
You look at the corgi
Aw! So cute!
You shoot corgi
It has to be done! Luckily, the plasma gatling is quite excessive and there is only  a smouldering, toxic green patch left.
You climb the wall
You finally feel able to climb the wall. You scramble over it and find yourself in ...

A small, dark green, squat creature stands here.
You talk to it
You can only do that to something animate.
You talk to the creature
"Hello, Paul." says the Alien in a friendly voice.

"Hello, where am I, who are you, etc., you probably now the drill"
you say, surprised at your own rudeness.
But of course. You see, when Alex, the scourge of all of Time, confronted the Queen of Hurts and Maladies at the end of the last er .... adventure, you and he were scattered across time and space. You ended up on Blubbertaria III, our homeworld."

"Wait, if it's your homeworld why does it have a number? Wouldn't it just be Blubbertaria?"

"We destroyed two planets before we didn't make climate change
deniers world president anymore."

You wince.

"Anyway, my species has evolved so that we live on the happiness of others, so for the last few galactic years you were trapped in a simulation of your perfect day. Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to simulate the dead, so your husband, Alex, and Dana, your good friend, weren't there."

"Sorry, but wait again, you feed off people's happiness by simulating
a perfect life for them? I ... I want to say that's evil, but I'm actually not sure."

"It is indeed a matter of great philosphical and judicial debate
among the intelligent species of the galaxy, so nothing that concerns you. Er, no offense."

"None taken. We humans are dum-dums."

"I know. So, now that you broke the simulation, we can no longer feed on you. We've decided to turn you over to the Time Rangers (tm), given that your husband is the greatest criminal in all of known time and space (which is quite a lot)."

"The greatest? That's so good for him, he finally developed some ambition, just like his therapist hoped."

"I also hope you know you could've just destroyed the wall. These simulants felt real pain, especially the puppy. Ah, well, too bad. "Yes, well, goodbye."

"There is a blinding pink flash and you find yourself in -

of marble. A prominent banner hangs here, which reads "THE HISTORY OF ALEX - SCOURGE OF THE GALAXY"
A blinking, 3D-animated arrow points se.
Aw, look. His own exhibiton. How cute.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
a plasma gatling
a letter
a vial
some rocks
a mp3-player
a roll of mints
a women's novelty beard
a string
You go to the south-east
There is a holoimage here of Alex, 4-5 metres (13.12 feet) high, on
his knees, staring at a puddle in some forsaken valley under strange purple skies. His eyes glow red.
Oh yeah! He was possessed by the spirit of your evil Uncle Wally.
Looks like he didn't do all this evil things of his own volition.
You go to the south-east
This holo image shows Alex, holding some sort of urn aloft triumphantly. The plaque informs you that Alex managed to banish the spirit of Evil Uncle Wally into the the magic Urn of GN-z11.
Uh-oh.

You can see a wikipedia printout here.
You look at the printout
Gleipnir - Therefore, they commissioned the dwarves to forge a chain that was impossible to break. To create a chain to achieve the impossible, the dwarves fashioned the chain out of six supposedly impossible things:
The sound of a cat's footfall
The beard of a woman
The roots of a mountain
The sinews of a bear
The breath of a fish
The spittle of a bird
Go southeast
This holo shows Alex, atop some abyss, his hand downs as if he'd just thrown something. The plaque informs you that, after not finding you, in anger he cast his wedding ring into the abyss of Wolf 1061c.
Awww. He bought it, but that thing was kinda pricey. You look down
at your own for a moment.
Go southeast
This holo is full of minute details. It depicts a gargantuan space battle. You can't make out a clear winner, but it looks like one of them is a ragtag bunch of diverse ships, and the other is a bunch of ugly, organic looking ships. The plaque confirms what you suspected, that Alex amassed forces and fought and defeated the Queen of Hurts
and Maladies, your old enemy, so weird of threatening but ill-defined entity. It also slyly hints at the fact that he continued a reign of terror throughout the galaxy, as this exhibition is continued in
B-Wing "The war criminal years".
You go southeast
A mechanical bird flies by, screeches, and loses a drop of oil from
its beak. Hm. Looks like the future isn't so perfect after all.

The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

A single drop of oil lies here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully. There is a small plaque at the base.
You get it
You put the drop of oil on your fingertip. Luckily, this game won't go into the logistics of handling other things.

Taken.
You examine the statue
It's from some very black, cold material. The plaque says that Alex
had it made from the last Indestructium in existence. In it, he buried his greatest secret.
You look at vial
A vial, labelled DESTRONIUM - don't move at more than 4x llightspeed. Don't feed to Xragulians, no matter how much they ask for it. Don't ingest if you're alive by Galactic Standard defintion 4. Safe to
ingest for being by Galactic definitions 1-3. Volatile if thrown."
Guys usually tell you you're a 7-8, so better no ingest it.
You throw vial at the statue
You throw the last DESTRONIUM in existence, a thing of unimaginable historic and scientific value, (but also great potential for evil) at the statue!

It sizzles! It hisses!

Nothing happens.

Then cracks appear all over the statue. But it doesn't fall apart. Dang.
Grenade statue
You don't feel you need your one and only plasma grenade here. It's only applicable for taking out a number of dangerous individuals at once.
You look at the statue
It's from some very black, cold material. The plaque says that Alex
had it made from the last Indestructium in existence. In it, he buried his greatest secret.The statue has cracks all over.
You hit the statue
Ouch! You hurt your fist. Looks like they didn't name it Indestructium for nothing, and even though it's cracked, your fists aren't enough.
You go to the south
This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS."

An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way
to some exhibition or other.
Go south
A featureless corridor.
You examine the cart
An original 20th century golf cart.

In the golf cart is a flat box.
You look at box
It's a small, wooden box labelled  "Return to Niðavellir by Bifröst".
You enter the cart
You get into the golf cart.
You open the box
It seems to be locked.
You enter the cart
But you're already in the golf cart.
You go north
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in
the golf cart)
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.
You eat the cart
That's plainly inedible.
You look at cart
An original 20th century golf cart.
You go south
Junction (in the golf cart)
This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS."
You go to the south
Corridor (in the golf cart)
A featureless corridor.
Unlock box
What do you want to unlock the flat box with?
You turn on the mp3 player
That's already on.
Inventory
You are carrying:
a flat box (closed and locked)
a drop of oil (carried precariously on your fingertip)
a wikipedia printout
a plasma gatling
a letter
some rocks
a mp3-player
a roll of mints
a women's novelty beard
a string
Drop box
Dropped.
Leave
You get out of the golf cart.

This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS."

An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way
to some exhibition or other.
Go north
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.
Tie
What do you want to tie?
You go to the north
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in
the golf cart)
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.

You can also see a flat box (closed) here.
You go northwest
Crack! You drive over the box, completely breaking it to splinters. Luckily, whatever was in it seems to be intact.

THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 4 (in
the golf cart)
This holo is full of minute details. It depicts a gargantuan space battle. You can't make out a clear winner, but it looks like one of them is a ragtag bunch of diverse ships, and the other is a bunch of ugly, organic looking ships. The plaque confirms what you suspected, that Alex amassed forces and fought and defeated the Queen of Hurts
and Maladies, your old enemy, so weird of threatening but ill-defined entity. It also slyly hints at the fact that he continued a reign of terror throughout the galaxy, as this exhibition is continued in
B-Wing "The war criminal years".
Go southeast
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in
the golf cart)
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

There is a 5th dimensional forge here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.
Go outside
You get out of the golf cart.

The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way
to some exhibition or other.

There is a 5th dimensional forge here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.
You look at the forge
The metal thing is some sort of device. It has a huge chute, which
goes down into a long tunnel, at the  bottom of which you seem to spot some ... lava?

The forge is currently switched off.
You turn on the forge
You flick the switch, and the forge beeps with an almost accusatory error sound.
You put the player in the forge
You put the mp3-player in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss.
You put the rocks in the forge
You put the rocks in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss.
You put string in forge
You put the string in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss.
You put the mint in the forge
You put the roll of mints in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss.
You put the oil in forge
You put the drop of oil in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss.
You turn on the forge
There is a cheerful series of three peeps, and something long and
white and stringy shoots out of the chute at you. Eww.
You check what you're carrying
You are carrying:
a wikipedia printout
a plasma gatling
a letter
You look around
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way
to some exhibition or other.

There is a 5th dimensional forge here.

There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base.

You can also see Gleipnir here.
You examine Gleipnir
Gleipnir is as thin as a silken ribbon and stronger than any iron chain. It was made to hold the Fenriswolf to delay Ragnarök, but you suppose it will work for your needs in the meantime. You idly wonder
if this means that in this game world nothern mythology is true and
how it will handle other world religions.
Tie Gleipnir to statue
You tie Gleipnir to the statue. Now to find something for the other end...
Tie Gleipnir to cart
You tie the other end of Gleipnir to the cart.
Go south
You put the pedal to the medal! With an incredible 15 mph, you drive through the exhibition.
CRACK!
The statue breaks aparts, and something small catches your eye among the debris. Gleipnir snaps in half and dissapates.

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howls.

Junction (in the golf cart)
This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS."
Leave
You get out of the golf cart.

This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS."

An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way
to some exhibition or other.
Go north
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

Something small lies aorund here.

Bits and pieces of the statue lie around.

There is a 5th dimensional forge here.
You examine small
The name tag reads " Dr. Juliana F. Ross. MERCURY STATION MEDICAL RESEARCH.
You get the name tag
So this is Alex' big secret? Some weird name tag? Maybe he is creepier than you thought?

You're distracted by a loud -SWOOOOOSH- sound as a portal opens before you and someone shouts:
"HALT! TIME RANGERS!"

A woman in a ranger uniform and a man in an old-fashioned tweed suit jump out. You instinctinvely hide the name tag behind your back.

"Hi" says the woman. "I'm Samantha, and this is my husband Jack. We
are Time Rangers."

"You just said we are, dear, and I'm just a consultant."

"Yes, dear. We are here because you are the husband of the worst criminal of all times, and we need your help!"

"Can I just say", says Jack, "that I'm really happy that your the hero for once? The fact that you were always the damsel in distress put a somewhat uncomfortable classic gender binary role dynamic on the way your marriage was portrayed."

Samantha pats him on the back. "Yes, darling. Anway, Paul - can I call you Paul? Ten games in is a little late to invent a last name in any case - will you help us save the world from your husband?"

"Sure" you say, "we just need to intercept him at an earlier time then his terror regime, right?"

"Yeah" begins Samantha, "well, the thing is, due to chronoton
poisoning time travel has become a bit problematic lately ..."

"Wait, how can time travel even have a temportal frame?"

"Nevermind the plot holes" says Jack, "we need your ring and with that we'll extract your husband."

You slip the ring, small and golden, from your finger. After a
moment's hesitation you hand it to Samantha. She adjusts her hat. "Thanks. See we need it because certain objects, from key points in time, are loaded with temporal energy and these are the last things that allow us to time travel. Luckily the museum is full of that stuff so we can always come back here."

"Wait, let me come with you -"

Jack shakes his head. "Sorry, we can't allow you to come with us.
There was no time to code the interaction between 3 NPCs and the player."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Just wait here, we have some nice exhibits."

You slump your shoulders. Jack pats you on the shoulder and slips you
a small device. "I'm sure you'll find some way to pass the time."

They wave to you, another SWOOOOOOSH and they are gone.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a scanner
a name tag
a wikipedia printout
a plasma gatling
a letter
Examine scanner
Aha, a scanner.
Scan tag
The display reads:
TEMPORAL RESIDUE DETECTED.

Opening portal to 2578.
You look
The exhibiton ends to the south of here.

A swirling grey portal is, er, swirling here.

Bits and pieces of the statue lie around.

There is a 5th dimensional forge here.
You examine the portal
Like a lava lamp, only worse.
You enter the portal
You step into the portal and while you swirl through the vortex you have some time (!?!) to think. This name tag belongs to someone on Mercury station, where Alex went in the last game to get the use of
his legs back. He told you that the med bay went bust after he used
it. If they do medical research there, maybe the fact that the bay was unusable means that someone or other couldn't be cured. So maybe this whole journey wasn't about Alex but someone else.

Dr. Juliana F. Ross.

The Queen of Hurts and Maladies.

And so you arrive at Mercury Station.

This corridor is incredibly clean, and incredibly white. The future is awesome. The corridor ends to the northeast at a door marked in Chinese, and continues to the southwest. There is a huge window here, looking out on Mercury.

THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES!

Xonathan Xask says, "What if the Time Rangers grab Alex from a time when he hadn't broken his legs so we could use the med bad after all
to -
SWOOSH! SWOOSH!
Two portals must've opened behind you. You twirl around.

Oh no! Two Alexes have arrived!

The one on the left wears a surprisingly convincing caveman costume.

The other one wears a nice shirt, slacks and saddle shoes.

Two copies of your husband have arrived. What do you, Paul, wanna do about it?
You look at the left alex
His hair is slicked back, he wears a neat white shirt, no tie, brown slacks and matching saddle shoes. You always wanted him to try that look, but now that you actually see it, it just isn't him. OR IS IT?

"Quick" says left Alex, "shoot him! He's the evil Alex from the
future! He's here to make sure the Queen comes to power just as expected, so his reign is assured."

"No, that's him!" says right Alex. "Don't make a mistake, darling!"

Two copies of your husband have arrived. What do you, Paul, wanna do about it?
You look at the right alex
He did once spent 10 years as a caveman, so the outfit speaks for him, on the other hand, it's totally something a post-apocalyptic dictator would wear.

"Okay, I want an explanation from each of you why the Time Rangers didn't come with you. Leftie, you go first."

"They had been called away because of a pet emergency."

"Righty?"

"Their shift was over and they couldn't be bothered."

Hm.
Kiss left Alex
The left Alex might not like that.

"Oh-okay, I have secret birthmark on my ..."

"Trick question" they answered in unison. "You have no birthmarks whatsover."

"Your skin is perfect" says leftie.

"As I've often said" says rightie.
You kiss right alex
The right Alex might not like that.

"Name all our games in order!" you scream, on the edge of despair.

"Stop it with this self-indulgent bullshit" says Leftie. "Yeah, Clubfloyd won't like it." Rightie turns to wave at you, the player. "Hey Clubfloyd!"
Wait
Time passes.

"C'mon, quickly now" says Rightie, you need to shoot either of us! Otherwise we will run out of text and that will break the tension and the immersion!"

Left nods. "I agree with my evil copy from the future."
Kiss left Alex
The right Alex has better things to do.

"so, um..." says Lefty. "How many major bugs did this game have?"

"So, um, we're not even trying with the meta stuff anymore?" says Rightie.
You wait awhile
Time passes.

Both stare at you blankly. Oh no! Your immersion
Shoot left
You shoot the left Alex!
You shoot the left Alex!And ...
Oh no! Right Alex shoots you.
Shoot right
You shoot the right Alex!
You shoot the right Alex!And ...
Oh no! Left Alex shoots you!
Grenade alex
Who do you mean, the left Alex or the right Alex?
Grenade left Alex
"Sorry" you say, "Whatever Cosmo says, I'm not intro threesomes!"

"Get him!" shouts left Alex, "I'm tired of being the good guy!"

Right Alex pulls out a blaster and fires at you, but misses!

"ARGH!" says Xonathan Xask behind you. Oh no, you think, what a pointless way to go.

As Right Alex takes aim again and left Alex gets ready to tackle you, you press the grenade button and -
FLUMP!
- a second later the whole hallway is lít up by a toxic green plasma explosion! Both versions of your husband are engulfed by it instantly.

There is an eerie silence. You drop the plasma gatling with something like disgust. It's over, and it's not over.
You look down at the blue emergency release button, then push it.

Later, as they carry young, dorky Doctor Ross out on a stretcher, you look at that young, kind face. To imagine she would turn into that
foul creature who hunted you and Alex for so long.

And then there's Alex himself  who turned evil enough to send two versions of himself here, to keep you from stopping the creation of
the Queen of Hurts and Maladies.
You reflect that there is a thin line between us and those we deem ourselves worthy to condemn as evil.

And then station security has some questions.

You spent the last 3 months on this rock out in the middle of nowhere. Time should mean little to a temperologist like yourself, but personal time still advances. Maybe you'll give the you from 3 months ago some pointers where to dig. You can usually get away with minor paradoxes
if Director Lambbost at the Temporal Institute feels or will have felt like it. But you need to find the urn. Who knows where and when it
will be unearthed otherwise, and what new horrors will be wraught.
Look around
This is a small cave of torquoise rock. There is a small spot where
you had started to dig.
About yourself
You're Dana Elbe, temperologist.
You check your inventory
You are carrying:
a space shovel
You look at the shovel
A space shovel, for digging on all kinds of planets expects gas giants and red dwarfs.
Dig
With a sigh, you continue to work. After a few more minutes, you've finally unearthed the object your scanners detected: You smile with relief. It's the urn. The urn of GN-z11.
You look at the urn
It's a surprisingly simply, unadorned urn.
You get it
This has been a barren, dead world for 4000 years, so the sound you hear startles you so much that you drop the urn like a first year temp in the Neptunian war zone.

A wolf. The howl of a wolf.
A shadow covers the entrance to the cave. And at the same time, smoke rises from the broken urn. You take a step back  as a gigantic wolf enters and inhales the smoke. Suddenly his eyes grow red. And then he speaks, speaks in a human voice.

Hello, Doctor Elbe. My name is Wally. I'm looking for my good
friend, Alex.