You Have to Put the Baby New Year in the Champagne Bottle
SoftSoft
Comedy humor parser
Can you beat our amazing new New Years puzzle challenge? It's all a part of our brand-new New Years new brand initiative!
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Can you beat our amazing new New Years puzzle challenge? It's all a part of our brand-new New Years new brand initiative!

A Happy New Year's new Puzzle-Venture, from the brand new New Years brand by SoftSoft

New players should type SoftSoft's new command, ABOUT.
(wow "new" doesn't even look like a real word anymore)

You are in a brightly colored room, full of unimplemented decorations.

Nearby you can see the Baby New Year, all wrapped up and ready to go!

Next to the Baby New Year is a champagne bottle.
You examine baby
Well, actually, it's really more of a Baby New Year replica.
The real ones are much too expensive for our budget this year.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: New Year's Eve is the favorite holiday of actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt! His least favorite? Arbor Day!
You look at the bottle
A fancy bottle of champagne.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: New Years Eve was originally a pagan holiday celebrating the god of getting completely wasted. However it has been co-opted by Christianity and nowadays most people celebrate New Years to commemorate the birth of Jesus' brother Mesus.
About yourself
You look great! Just concentrate on the game.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: In Japan, the traditional New Years treat is mochi, a cake made of rice paste. However, the secret ingredient isn't ground-up moon rabbits, as some may have you believe. Instead, it's actually Tang.
You jump
Sorry, but that's not how you solve this new New Year adventure.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: The tradition of kissing the closest person come midnight was originally celebrated every night, until everyone just got really tired of the whole thing and abolished the practice outside New Years.
You take Baby
Taken.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: Dick Clark isn't actually dead! He sleeps beneath Times Square, until a New Year's Eve emergency awakens him from his slumber.
You drink the champagne
You can't actually have that! It's for the sake of the puzzle, stupid.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: Did you know that New Years often takes place on the first day of the year? It's true!
Kiss baby
You can only do that to something animate.
Break baby
Violence isn't the answer to this one.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: What do you think is the song most played on New Years? Auld Lang Syne right? You'd be wrong, though. It's actually Suzy Snowflake.
You examine baby
Well, actually, it's really more of a Baby New Year replica.
The real ones are much too expensive for our budget this year.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: In Scotland it is unlucky for a household if a woman is the first to enter on New Years. That is why nearly 90% of Scots women identify as genderqueer from Christmas to the Epiphany.
Break bottle
Violence isn't the answer to this one.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: The Persian New Year is called Nowruz, sometimes transliterated as Nawruz.
Xyzzy
Have you been hitting the sour juice a bit too hard? That's not how you solve this New Years puzzle.

NEW YEARS FUN FACT: New Year's is a popular time to think about the future, and reminisce upon the past. That's why so many people celebrate it by drinking until they pass out!
You put Baby in the bottle
You put the Baby New Year into the champagne bottle.

Oh my gosh! You solved the puzzle! You're the greatest New Years partier ever! You are sooo cool! Like, the super coolest! I bet babes and/or studs swarm over you every New Years!

C-can I touch you?