Toonesia
Jacob Weinstein
built-in hints cartoon IF Competition 1995 IFComp Game Included on Activison Masterpieces CD male protagonist TADS TADS 2 television walkthrough
Oooh, that rascally rabbit! You were out hunting him when he somehow got the jump on you, blindfolded you, and dumped you into a cell. Well, you'll show him. He'll be hasenpfefer by dinner tonight, or your name isn't Elmo Fuld..
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A Mini Text-Adventure Game

Toonesia is freeware. For information on the legal details of distributing it, please type "legal" at any command prompt.

Thanks to my beta-testers Lauren Sager, Mike Sager, and Michael Kinyon, and to Whizzard for some last-minute lifesaving and the occasional pun.

Although this game is free, I would appreciate a postcard if you particularly enjoy it--or, at least, an e-mail note. My e-mail address is jacobw@cap.gwu.edu. My postal address is:
Jacob Weinstein
10980 Wellworth Ave, Apt 306
Los Angeles, CA 90024



Oooh, that rascally rabbit! You were out hunting him when he somehow got the jump on you, blindfolded you, and dumped you into a cell.
Well, you'll show him. He'll be hasenpfefer by dinner tonight, or your name isn't Elmo Fuld.

You are in an utterly bare room. The walls are completely
featureless, and there seems to be no way out. Drat that rabbit!
You see a purple crayon, a blindfold, and a note here.
You look at the crayon
It's a short stub of purple crayon.
You examine the blindfold
It's a simple cloth blindfold.
You read the note
Dear Elmo,
Sorry I've had to lock you up like this, but I'm off to the Fifth Annual Festival of Carrots, and I can't have you chasing after me with a gun. There's no way out of here, so you won't be getting back to your mansion and your yacht anytime soon. But just in case you escape, I've placed your gun in a place you'll never get to.
Ain't I a stinker?

Sincerely yours truly,
Bud Bunny
You draw the door
What do you want to draw it on?
You get the crayon
Taken.
You take all
purple crayon: Taken.
blindfold: Taken.
note: Taken.
You draw the door on the wall
Since all the walls look alike, you pick one at random and draw a bright purple door on it. Chuck Jones you're not, but it'll do. Unfortunately, in the process, you wear the crayon down to nothing.

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
You examine the door
It's closed.
You open the door
Opened.
You examine the blindfold
It's a simple cloth blindfold.
About yourself
You look about the same as always.
You examine the cap
It's your trusty hunting cap. You haven't removed it since you first received it as a gift from your Uncle Chuck in 1935--not even to shower.
Exit
You are in a thick patch of towering redwoods. A path leads west, where the trees grow sparser, and south. Looming over you to the north is the tower in whose base you were so recently imprisoned. From the outside, you can see that the tower looks like a humungous carrot.

Oooooooh, you're going to get that rabbit.
You see a wooden sign here.
You read the sign
It looks like this wooden sign originally said "Duck Season," but somebody crossed off the word "Duck" and wrote "Rabbit." Then somebody else crossed off the word "Rabbit" and wrote "Duck." In fact, the words "Duck" and "Rabbit" must have been written and crossed off a dozen times each. At the moment, the sign proclaims that it's duck season. This accursed interference in the rights of honest hunters like yourself is signed "Bruce Babbit, Secretary of the Interior." Ooooh, that rascally Babbit!
You examine the trees
The trees look like trees, complete with branch-like branches and leafy leaves. Well, what did you expect?
Go west
The trees here are sparser, and the thick moss that covers the
ground seems to be fighting a losing battle with the desert that approaches from the north and the west. Paths lead east and southeast back into the forest.
The Tazmanian Devil is here, glaring furiously (and hungrily) at you from within the bars of a metal cage.
You examine the taz
The Tazmanian Devil is a real animal, not a copyright of a certain large corporation with lots of legal muscle. I can therefore mention it by name in this game. Unfortunately, if I were to describe a real-life Tazmanian Devil, you'd only be disappointed--they don't look like much. So, I won't describe the slavering beast before you. And if you assume that it has a boxy body attached to short thin legs, two large maniacal eyes set above a wide, drooling, sharp-fanged mouth, and brown fur all over, then YOU'RE violating copyright, not me. At any rate, the Tazmanian Devil is safely locked away within a sturdy metal cage.
You examine the cage
It's a sturdy metal cage. Inside it, and trying desperately to get out, is a Tazmanian Devil. Fortunately, it's closed. Through the bars, you can see what looks like a thin metal pipe--the top of a chimney, perhaps--protruding through the ground.
You examine the pipe
It looks like the top of a chimney.
Lock
What do you want to lock?
Go southeast
You are standing deep within the woods. A thick roof of leaves
blocks most sunlight from entering, and a thick wall of treetrunks blocks you from exiting in most directions. You can squeeze through to the north and the northwest, where the forest seems to grow less dense.
You examine the trees
The trees look like trees, complete with branch-like branches and leafy leaves. Well, what did you expect?
You climb the trees
You are Elmo Fuld, millionaire. You hire men to chop down trees and ship them to your processing plants. You do not climb them.
Go west
You stand on the cornered edge of a cliff, above a brown-and-grey-painted canyon that stretches down far enough to create a sort of vertical horizon. Pulling your eyes upward before the sight makes you topple over, you see a thin mesa jutting out of the depths of the canyon, a few hundred yards to your west. To your east is the edge of a forest that seems to be fighting a losing battle with the desert in which you stand.
You examine the canyon
The beautiful canyon stretches as far as you can see.
You look at the mesa
The thin mesa juts out of the canyon a few hundred yards to your west.
You go west
You stagger blindly in that direction.

You can't see anything with the blindfold on.
You remove the blindfold
You take off the blindfold, and look around...

You are standing in the middle of the air. There is nothing below
your feet.

Well, more precisely,there is nothing IMMEDIATELY below your feet. Several thousand yards below your feet happens to be a canyon floor. Fortunately, we don't need to be too precise about these things, since the ground is going to be immediately below your feet in just a few moments. And shortly after that, you are going to be just below the ground. Have a nice trip.

Suddenly, it occurs to you that you are standing in mid-air with no means of support. After plummetting downward for a full thirty seconds, you encounter the rough desert sand below. After plummetting through the rough desert sand for a full half hour, you come to a complete stop. Fortunately, as a 'toon, you can't be killed by the fall. Unfortunately, your chin is relocated to within half an inch of your ankle, leaving you no room to hold your gun and making future hunting impossible. Looks like that rascally rabbit has finally gotten rid of you for good.
You go to the west
You stagger blindly in that direction.

You can't see anything with the blindfold on.

Suddenly, it occurs to you that you are standing in mid-air with no means of support. You plummet rapidly downward and land with a crash.
You remove the blindfold
You take off the blindfold, and look around...

direction would send you plummeting to an untimely end. The cliff that surrounds the canyon approaches from infinity to the northwest and southwest, coming to a point a few hundred yards to your west. From here, you can see another small ledge clinging to the side of the cliff about twenty yards below the point where the two cliff walls meet.
You see a gun here.
You examine the gun
It's your trusty gun. You've missed many a fine specimen with it.
You take the gun
* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *

Taken.
You get the gun
You already have your gun!
Fire gun
You fire your gun in the air with a satisfying KABOOM, sending a huge puff of smoke out of the barrel. Being a toon gun, it immediately reloads itself.
You listen
What do you want to listen to?
You look at your surroundings
direction would send you plummeting to an untimely end. The cliff that surrounds the canyon approaches from infinity to the northwest and southwest, coming to a point a few hundred yards to your west. From here, you can see another small ledge clinging to the side of the cliff about twenty yards below the point where the two cliff walls meet.
You go east
You stagger blindly in that direction.

You can't see anything with the blindfold on.
You take off the blindfold
You take off the blindfold, and look around...

You are in a comfortable and cozy rabbit warren, lit dimly by the
light that filters in from the hole to your west. There are a few scattered pieces of battered furniture here, including an overstuffed sofa and a large wooden wardrobe, as well as some pictures nailed into the dirt walls. Against one wall is a kitchenette: a stove, a refrigerator, and a table.
Go west
cliff walls. It's just wide enough to keep gravity's dirty paws off you. To your west, several hundred yards away, you can see a narrow mesa. A hole leads east, into the cliff face.
Go east
You are in a comfortable and cozy rabbit warren, lit dimly by the
light that filters in from the hole to your west. There are a few scattered pieces of battered furniture here, including an overstuffed sofa and a large wooden wardrobe, as well as some pictures nailed into the dirt walls. Against one wall is a kitchenette: a stove, a refrigerator, and a table.
You examine the pictures
The pictures include a photo of Bud Bunny at a party with Chuck Jones, Fritz Freleng, Tex Avery, and Mel Blanc; a reproduction of the famous painting, "The Assumption of St. Peter Rabbit;" and an autographed photo of Dick Cavett. Seeing the last of these reminds you of the humiliation you suffered as a guest on his show; unbeknownst to you, the talk show host had arranged for your fellow guests to be the president of Handgun Control, Inc, and the vice-chairman of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Ooooh, that rascally Cavett!
You examine the fridge
The refrigerator is closed.
You open it
Opening the refrigerator reveals a lettuce sandwich and a steak.
You take all from the fridge
lettuce sandwich: Taken.
steak: Taken.
You close the fridge
Closed.
You examine table
It's an unpretentious wooden table.
You examine the steak
It's a big, succulant, raw hunk of meat.
Examine sandwich
It's a piece of lettuce between two slices of carrot bread.
You examine the stove
It's a simple stove, consisting of a metal surface and an on-off switch. A metal chimney above the cooking surface helps get rid of cooking smells.
You look at the chimney
It's a narrow metal chimney, meant to help remove cooking odors from the warren.
You examine the wardrobe
Looking closely at the wardrobe, you see that it seems to have been carved out of a large treetrunk that has sunk deep into the walls of the warren. Currently, the wardrobe is closed.
You open the wardrobe
Opening the large wooden wardrobe reveals a Hawaiian shirt, a baseball cap, and a cologne bottle.
You examine the shirt
This is a large, bright Hawaiian shirt. Amongst the loud colors is a logo that says, "Hotel Wakalakamakakadasakikikaki."
You get all from the wardrobe
Hawaiian shirt: Taken.
baseball cap: Taken.
cologne bottle: Taken.
You examine the cap
Which cap do you mean, the hunting cap, or the baseball cap?
Baseball
It's a Brooklyn Dodgers cap.
You wear all
hunting cap: You're already wearing the hunting cap!
blindfold: Okay, you're now wearing the blindfold.
note: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
your gun: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
lettuce sandwich: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
steak: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
Hawaiian shirt: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
baseball cap: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
cologne bottle: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
battered furniture: You can't do anything with the blindfold on. kitchenette: You can't do anything with the blindfold on.
You examine bottle
According to the label, the orange liquid inside is "Eau de Carrotte."
You look at the sofa
The sofa is covered with a garish carrot-patterned fabric.
You turn on the stove
You turn on the stove, and it heats up instantly.
You put the steak on the stove
The steak begins to sizzle as soon as it hits the metal surface of the stove. Within moments, a delicious smell begins to fill the room. As you watch the smell waves waft up through the metal chimney, you hear what sounds like a dentist's drill begin to whir above your head. Suddenly, a sizable chunk of the dirt ceiling collapses about you and a giant slobbering blur descends into the room. When the blur stops whirling, you realize that it is the Tazmanian Devil. It grabs the steak from the stovetop and begins wolfing it down. You estimate that you have a couple of seconds before it finishes the steak and notices you.

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
Go upwards
The Tazmanian Devil is standing directly beneath the hole that he made when he came in. There's no way you can go up without climbing on him, and something tells you he wouldn't like that.

The Tazmanian Devil has eaten about half of the steak by now.
You give the cap to Devil
The Tazmanian devil accepts the baseball cap, nearly biting your fingers off in the process. In a moment, the baseball cap has vanished down its throat.
You climb the chimney
I don't know how to climb the metal chimney.

The Tazmanian Devil has eaten almost all the steak. At any moment, he's going to finish it up and start looking for something else to eat.
Shout
Your throat is a bit sore now.

The Tazmanian Devil has eaten almost all the steak. At any moment, he's going to finish it up and start looking for something else to eat.
You wear the cologne
You splash some cologne on yourself.
You look at what you're carrying with you
You have a hunting cap (being worn), a blindfold, a note, a gun, a lettuce sandwich, a Hawaiian shirt (being worn), a baseball cap, and a cologne bottle.

With a final slobbering gulp, the Tazmanian Devil swallows the last of the meat. He lets out a belch and, for one brief moment, appears sated. Then the moment passes, and his huge head swivels around, his hungry eyes coming to focus on you.
You wear the sandwich
You can't wear the lettuce sandwich.

With a final slobbering gulp, the Tazmanian Devil swallows the last of the meat. He lets out a belch and, for one brief moment, appears sated. Then the moment passes, and his huge head swivels around, his hungry eyes coming to focus on you.
You pull the table
Pulling the table doesn't have any effect.

With a final slobbering gulp, the Tazmanian Devil swallows the last of the meat. He lets out a belch and, for one brief moment, appears sated. Then the moment passes, and his huge head swivels around, his hungry eyes coming to focus on you.
You give sandwich to the taz
The Tazmanian Devil sniffs the sandwich, then growls menacingly at you. Evidently, it doesn't like vegetables.

With a final slobbering gulp, the Tazmanian Devil swallows the last of the meat. He lets out a belch and, for one brief moment, appears sated. Then the moment passes, and his huge head swivels around, his hungry eyes coming to focus on you.
You wait for a while
Time passes...

The Tazmanian Devil lunges for you and, with a few swift bites, swallows you. As you stew helplessly in his stomach, you find yourself wishing that 'toons weren't quite so indestructable.
You pour cologne on the taz
That would be unwise.

With a final slobbering gulp, the Tazmanian Devil swallows the last of the meat. He lets out a belch and, for one brief moment, appears sated. Then the moment passes, and his huge head swivels around, his hungry eyes coming to focus on you.
You wear the cologne
You splash some cologne on yourself.

The Tazmanian Devil lunges for you. As he flies through the air toward you, he suddenly catches a whiff of your carrot cologne. He stops in mid-air and hangs there for a moment, looking confused. Then he crashes to the ground. He gets up and lumbers over to you, sniffing you closely. Evidently, he doesn't like what he smells, for he lets out an outraged bellow and then whirls out the hole in the ceiling, presumably in search of more meat.

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
Go upwards
You climb on the table and clamber through the hole.

You are inside a sturdy metal cage. A rough-hewn hole leads
downward. The trees surrounding the cage are sparse, and the thick moss that covers the ground seems to be fight a losing battle with the desert that approaches from the north and the west.
You open the cage
You can't. It seems to be locked.
Unlock cage
You unlock the cage door.
You look at the cage
You are in a sturdy metal cage. Currently, it's closed.
You open cage
You open the cage door.
You examine the cage
You are in a sturdy metal cage. Currently, it's open.
Go outside
The trees here are sparser, and the thick moss that covers the
ground seems to be fighting a losing battle with the desert that approaches from the north and the west. Paths lead east and southeast back into the forest. A large metal cage stands empty here.
Go north
You stand in the middle of a huge desert, north of a stand of struggling trees and west of a deep cave. As you stand staring into the vast darkness that lies within the cavern, a strange smell on the wind makes your nose twitch. You pause for a moment and recognize it. It's the smell of wealth.
Dizzy Duck is here, rubbing his hands with greedy glee.
You give the cap to Duck
"No, thankth, my dear thir."
You look at Daffy
There is no "Daffy Duck" in this game--only "Dizzy Duck." Are you trying to get me in trouble?
You look at dizzy
Dizzy is a daffy-looking duck. Currently, he's running his hands through a wheelbarrow full of jewels.
Smell
What do you want to smell?
You examine the jewels
You don't have a chance to examine the vast array of glittering jewels because Dizzy throws himself across the wheelbarrow as soon as he sees you eyeing them. "Don't even think about it," he sputters.

Dizzy lunches into an off-key rendition of "Hello, My Ragtime Gal."
You take the jewels
As you reach for the jewels, Dizzy floors you with a right wing to the jaw that lays you out flat. "Thorry, bub," he says, as little birdies momentarily fly around your head. "Don't know what came over me."
You shoot dizzy
As you raise the gun, Dizzy sticks his finger in the barrel. "Thorry, Charlie, it'th rabbit theathon." Embarrassed, you lower the gun.
Go south
The trees here are sparser, and the thick moss that covers the
ground seems to be fighting a losing battle with the desert that approaches from the north and the west. Paths lead east and southeast back into the forest. A large metal cage stands empty here.
Go east
It looks like this wooden sign originally said "Duck Season," but somebody crossed off the word "Duck" and wrote "Rabbit." Then somebody else crossed off the word "Rabbit" and wrote "Duck." In fact, the words "Duck" and "Rabbit" must have been written and crossed off a dozen times each. At the moment, the sign proclaims that it's duck season. This accursed interference in the rights of honest hunters like yourself is signed "Bruce Babbit, Secretary of the Interior." Ooooh, that rascally Babbit!

You can't go that way.
You get the sign
You already have the wooden sign!
You go south
You are standing deep within the woods. A thick roof of leaves
blocks most sunlight from entering, and a thick wall of treetrunks blocks you from exiting in most directions. You can squeeze through to the north and the northwest, where the forest seems to grow less dense.
You show the sign to duck
Dizzy sticks his finger in the barrel of your gun and grins cockily at you. "You thee, thir, you can't thyoot a duck in rabbit--" Then he looks once again at the sign you're carrying and turns as pale as he can, considering that he's covered with jet-black feathers. "Oooh, that rabbit. He'th dethpicable!" In a swift blur, Dizzy vanishes, taking the wheelbarrow full of jewels with him. Moments later, he returns, crosses out the word "Duck," replaces it with "Rabbit," and, just to be on the safe side, vanishes again.

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
You look at your surroundings
You stand in the middle of a huge desert, north of a stand of struggling trees and west of a deep cave. As you stand staring into the vast darkness that lies within the cavern, a strange smell on the wind makes your nose twitch. You pause for a moment and recognize it. It's the smell of wealth.
You go east
As you enter the mine, you hear a rumbling from deep within. Suddenly, a bump appears on the eastern edge of your vision. It rapidly extends itself west, becoming a thick ridge that runs out the door.

You are inside a vast cave that vanishes into darkess on all sides, except for the entrance to the west. The lush carpet of wealth contained herein is enough to make even you, Elmo Fuld, millionaire, gasp. A narrow beam of sharp desert light flows in from outside and reflects off a ruck of rubies, from where it bounces off into brood of beryl, heads for a heap of heliotrope, crashes into a clot of carnelian, hurries to a hunk of hyacinth, bashes into a battillion of bloodstone, careens into a cohort of carbuncle, makes for a murmuration of moonstone, and, completely zonked, catches some z's in a crowded zareba of cubic zirconium.
You see a ancient lamp and a ridge in the ground running from east
to west here.
You examine the lamp
It's an oil lamp. Through the thick tarnish that has covered the lamp's bronze surface in the ages since it was created, you can see intricate Arabian swirls, gracefully etched.
You look at the ridge
The ridge is a thick lump in the ground, running from east to west.
You rub lamp
You rub the lamp, removing a little bit of tarnish. Nothing else happens.
You rub lamp
Nothing happens.

Suddenly, a thick plume of smoke bellows out of the mouth of the lamp. When it clears, a magnificent genii stands before you. He starts out huge, with a massive purple turban crowning an Easter-Island-sized head, and tapers down through his massive shoulders, his muscular torso, his trim waist, his slender legs, his narrow knees, and his pin-sized ankles, which are crammed into the mouth of the lamp above which he floats.
"Sorry I'm a little late," he says. "I was on another line.
Anyway, you've rescued me from my eternal prison, therefore I'm honor bound to give you three wishes, yadda yadda yadda. So, what do you want? Bet you were going to ask for a magic helmet, weren't you?" He tosses you one. "This helmet gives you command of the east and west winds. Just say 'west winds, blow' or 'east winds, blow' and they'll do so. Neat, huh? OK, what else do you want? If you don't say anything, I'll assume you don't want any more wishes and I'm free to go about my business." He pauses for an infinitesimal fraction of a second. "OK. I guess you don't want anything. Always a pleasure to meet somebody so contented with his lot. Ta ta." In another puff of smoke, he vanishes, leaving you clutching the helmet.

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
You look at it
It looks like something out of a Wagner opera.
You take the jewels
As you reach down to pick up a gem off the huge pile, you recall something your accountant said to you yesterday: "Mr. Fuld, right now, you're in the nine-nine-point-nine-percent tax bracket. If your value increases by more than a thousand dollars before the end of the fiscal year, you'll be in the one hundred percent bracket, and you'll have to give everything you own to the government." Since any one gem in this mine would be worth several thousand at least, you realize that your tax bracket prevents you from taking anything out of here (except that obviously worthless old lamp).

Oooh, that rascally bracket!
Look around
You are inside a vast cave that vanishes into darkess on all sides, except for the entrance to the west. The lush carpet of wealth contained herein is enough to make even you, Elmo Fuld, millionaire, gasp. A narrow beam of sharp desert light flows in from outside and reflects off a ruck of rubies, from where it bounces off into brood of beryl, heads for a heap of heliotrope, crashes into a clot of carnelian, hurries to a hunk of hyacinth, bashes into a battillion of bloodstone, careens into a cohort of carbuncle, makes for a murmuration of moonstone, and, completely zonked, catches some z's in a crowded zareba of cubic zirconium.
You see a ridge in the ground running from east to west here.
You go east
You take a step into the vast darkness of the mine, but you realize that, without a light source, you risk plummeting into an unseen shaft. Better not risk it.
Blow
The East Winds blow furiously for a moment, then subside.
Go west
You stand in the middle of a huge desert, north of a stand of struggling trees and west of a deep cave. As you stand staring into the vast darkness that lies within the cavern, a strange smell on the wind makes your nose twitch. You pause for a moment and recognize it. It's the smell of wealth.
You see a ridge in the ground running from west to south here.
You smell wealth
I don't understand that sentence.

I don't see any wealth here.
Go south
The trees here are sparser, and the thick moss that covers the
ground seems to be fighting a losing battle with the desert that approaches from the north and the west. Paths lead east and southeast back into the forest. A large metal cage stands empty here.
You see a ridge in the ground running from north to east here.
Go east
You are in a thick patch of towering redwoods. A path leads west, where the trees grow sparser, and south. Looming over you to the north is the tower in whose base you were so recently imprisoned. From the outside, you can see that the tower looks like a humungous carrot.

Oooooooh, you're going to get that rabbit.
You see a ridge in the ground running from west to south here.
You go south
You are standing deep within the woods. A thick roof of leaves
blocks most sunlight from entering, and a thick wall of treetrunks blocks you from exiting in most directions. You can squeeze through to the north and the northwest, where the forest seems to grow less dense. There's a hole in the ground, but it's too narrow for you to fit through.
You see a ridge in the ground running from the south and ending in a hole here.
Bud Bunny is here.

"It's so thoughtful of you not to have shot me yet," Bud says. "I could just kiss you." He throws his furry arms around you, plants a huge kiss on your lips, and then goes back to scrutinizing his map.
You examine the map
It's a large map of the United States, covered with an elaborate route marked in purple crayon.
Blow
The West Winds blow furiously for a moment, then subside.

"It's so thoughtful of you not to have shot me yet," Bud says. "I could just kiss you." He throws his furry arms around you, plants a huge kiss on your lips, and then goes back to scrutinizing his map.
You examine Bud
Like all rabbits, Bud is buck-toothed, big-eared, and roughly six feet tall.
You shoot bud
As you raise the gun, Bud sticks his finger in the barrel. "Sorry, Doc, it's duck season." Embarrassed, you lower the gun.
You show the sign to Bud
Bud looks at the sign, blinks for a moment, and then says "If you'll excuse me, I believe I've left a pot on the boil." Before you can react, he leaps in the air, executes a neat flip, and dives headfirst into the hole."

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
You examine the hole
It's a narrow dark hole.

Suddenly, like Venus arising from the waves, a vision of loveliness pops out of the hole. She has the largest curves, the sweetest breath, and the merriest eyes you've ever seen, all combined into one six-foot-tall package. And, most attractive of all, the has a thick mane of beautiful blond hair. You are overcome with love and desire. You can think of nothing better than wedding her and devoting the rest of your life to making her happy, even if she does have buck teeth and big floppy ears. "Eh, what's up, dear?" she asks, in a faintly Southern lilt.
Kiss woman
The woman slaps you. "Not on the first date!" she says.
Blow
The West Winds blow fiercely for a moment, setting the woman's beautiful blond hair just a little bit askew. You stare at it suspiciously as you realize it may be a wig--but you decide that, unless the hair comes off completely, you will trust your newfound love.
Blow
The East Winds blow fiercely, ripping the woman's beautiful blond hair off entirely. As it goes sailing off into the distance, you realize with a shock that this vision of loveliness is none other than Bud Bunny. Oh, cruel, cruel fate! Oh, to have love so near, then snatched away! Ooooh--in short-- that rascally rabbit!

* * * Your score just increased by 1 point. * * *
You shoot bud
You lift the gun to shoot Bud. He stands bravely at attention. "Go ahead, shoot me, Doc," he says. "I don't deserve to live." As you are about to pull the trigger, a single tear cascades down his cheek, smudging his mascara and making you hesitate for a moment, gun in mid-air.
You shoot bud
You steel your nerve to pull the trigger. "What are you waiting for, Doc?" Bud asks you. "Just shoot. Try not to think about the wife and fifteen little ones whose lives depend on me." You pause. Can you really make fifteen litte ones starve just so you can dine on hasenpfefer?
You shoot bud
All right. This time you're going to do it. As your finger tenses on the trigger, Bud, who has been quietly sniffling, suddenly breaks out into full fledged tears. "Go ahead, Doc," he bawls. "Put me out of my misery. Put a bullet in my brain. Forget about all laws of human kindness, I beg you, and shoot me. What does it matter if you'll be hated, mocked, ostracized, even, for shooting a helpless beast? You'll be doing me a favor. Surely you're not so selfish as to condemn me to a lifetime of guilt over my cruel trick just because you'll have to endure a lifetime of humilation for shooting me." You stop and consider the image that Bud has painted for you. Is a single meal worth destroying your life?
Yes
That was a rhetorical question.
You shoot bud
Drat that rabbit! He's just playing with your mind. Well, you're going to shoot him. You close your eyes so you can't see his tears. You pull down your hunting cap over your ears so you can't hear his sobs. You raise the gun and pull the trigger--but at that very moment, the game warden runs up and knocks the gun out of your hands. As you open your eyes and stare at him in frustration, he shrugs. "Sorry, Mr. Fuld. It's now roadrunner season. If you had only fired a few minutes earlier..."
"Bud's tears vanish in an instant. "Sorry about that, Doc," he
says, grabbing your hand and shaking it wildly up and down. "Better luck next season. Good luck hunting roadrunners. Been a pleasure doing business with you. Ta ta. Don't forget to write. Don't let the bedbugs bite. Don't take any wooden nickles. Look both ways before crossing the street. Say hi to the missus for me." With that, he strides off, leaving you to fume for yet another year.

* * * Your score just increased by 2 points.* * *

In a total of 161 turns, you have achieved a score of 10 points out of a possible 10.
This makes you Worthy Of The Memory of Mel Blanc.
Thanks for visiting Toonesia. Th-th-th-that's all, folks!

Well, what did you expect in a cartoon--a satisfying ending?