Choice of the Petal Throne
Danielle Goudeau
choice of games
In the Empire of the Petal Throne, will you find glory, or a knife in your back? A fantasy universe like no other, where South American, Middle Eastern, and Indian cultures collide. The princes and princesses of the Tsolyáni empire vie for their father's mystical Petal Throne, tearing the nation apart with civil war and political intrigues. As a captain in one of their armies, will you play as male or female, gay straight or bi? A brave and forthright soldier, a hedonistic intriguer with a heart of gold, or scheming double agent?
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Outside the sky is mercilessly bright, and the hot air full of all the varied sounds of an army ready to march; but inside this small shrine are coolness,darkness and solitude. And peace, which is a rare and precious thing to find in these years since the Usurper placed himself upon Tsolyánu's Petal Throne, igniting a civil war.

Before you stands a statue of your god, presiding over an alter on which other legionaries have placed offerings. There are ten gods in Tsolyánu: five who champion the cause of unchanging Stability, and five who wish to bring about endless Change. All are permitted their temples and honored on their holy days, but you and your family, like most Tsolyáni, have a particular patron deity. Who's face do you look into?

A: Lord Hnálla, the Illumination of All the World and supreme principal of Stability
B: Lord Karakán, Lord of Glorious War and high general of Stability
C: Lady Avánthe, Mistress of Heaven and the goddess of women and nature D: Lord Hrú'ü, the Dispenser of Calamities and supreme principal of Change
E: Lord Vimhúla, the Power of Destruction and Red Ruin, Lord of Flame F: Lady Dlamélish, the Green Eyed Lady of Fleshly Joys and Mistress of Demons
B.
"Who sent you?"

The assassin's face remains blank as she is grabbed, a picture of perfect stillness. It is clear she intends to die with dignity, and silence.

A: So it's true then? Well I know who her employer is anyway. I give her a merciful end.
B: It's a shame intentions don't always equal success.
B.
You begin to torture the woman, but though she cries out to her god, Lord Ksárul, for deliverance, she does not speak.

In the end she manages to end her life with a quick slap to her neck, resembling the swatting of a mosquito, which leaves behind a poisoned dart. The soldier who had let her arm free in his blanching distraction is stabbed as well, with snake-like swiftness. He collapses to the stones, foaming at the mouth.

She passes from this life having not betrayed her clan or her employer.

>Next
So, why would someone send an assassin after you anyway?

A: I killed a rival for the sake of my beloved.
B: The weak envy the strong.? I don't have time to enumerate every grievance brought against me by lesser men.
C: I prevented an injustice
D: I killed a man in anger, and deeply regret it.
Go downward
Though great men can have their eccentricities tolerated, being too chummy with one's soldiers is often seen as a weakness in a _kási_, and serves as a block to future promotion. It is safer to blend in with the crowd, and let appropriate behavior be your guide.

>Next
To take your mind off the tedium of riding in a palanquin across the breadbasket of the Empire, you  begin replay the recent attempt upon your life in your mind.

From there, it is a small step to thinking about the events around the time of your naming day celebration, and the unfortunate incident that resulted in the assassination attempt. . .

Your childhood in the great clan-house of Golden Sunburst was pleasant. Your household possessed plenty of slaves to do menial toil and an abundance of wealth. Your numerous clan mothers and fathers (your parents' siblings and their spouses) lavished affection upon you. During the day you were taught reading, writing, maths, psychics and history at the temple school of Hnálla; and in the evenings you slept in barracks-like dormitories with your "clan cousins"(other children of the clan, most of them unrelated to you by any close blood tie).

Many of the older adolescents, on the verge of adulthood, snuck between the boys and girls dormitories to warm each other's beds, and in the past year you had begun to join in this pastime. The night before your _khatunjálim_, or naming ceremony, found you sneaking into your "cousin" Wave's bed. Where were you coming from and where were you heading to?

A: I slept in the boys' dormitory and was visiting Wave in the girls' dormitory
B: Both Wave and I slept in the boys' dormitory.
C: I slept in the girls' dormitory and was visiting Wave in the boys' dormitory
D: Both Wave and I slept in the girls' dormitory.
Go downwards
It was quite convenient not needing to leave the warmth of the dormitory and walk through the damp hall on the chilly spring night. You simply dragged your sleeping mat over next to Wave, who was still awake, waiting for you. "Tiuni, I was worried you were mad at me and were not coming tonight," she whispered. You thought how strange it would be that after tomorrow no one would ever call you Tiuni again. There was pride in the idea that you would finally have an adult's name and an adult's responsibilities.

Earlier that day you had found Wave gambling with some of the other girls in one of the courtyards. You knew that her mother would not have approved of gambling, and worst of all, she had placed the small ceramic amulet of _Ssáni_ "The Lover," patroness of love between women, that you had given her in the pot! After the dice had been thrown and she had won, Wave had claimed she had only bet it because she had known it would bring her luck; but as Wave slipped the amulet back around her neck, and gathered up her winnings, you had stormed off with tears in your eyes. Though Wave was beautiful and clever, she could also be spoiled, sure that her winning personality could get her out of any situation.

Now she was looking up at you with a vulnerable worry, different from the brash assurance of earlier in the day.

A: "I could not stay angry with you."
B: "You hurt my feelings, _tsámmeri_, when you do not value my gifts." C: "If you ever do something like that again, we're through!"
B.
Wave looked crushed. "Mother gave me that money to purchase a new hair comb, and I couldn't lose it, and I knew the Goddess would not let me be parted from your amulet, that it would ensure my winning. . ." The two of you talked for a _kirén_ or more, starting with remonstrances, but ending in joint apologies followed by pledges of love, and eventually more physical affirmations of your mutual affection; until, physically and emotionally exhausted, you passed into sleep.

The next thing you knew, cold water was startling you out of sleep. Sputtering you looked up to see your elder brother, Gayán, smiling down at you.

"Sleep well, little sister? Or did you not sleep at all?" Here he leered at Wave, and waggled his eyebrows. Gayán fancied himself a comedian. "Well, I have come to break you two apart. Mother Halé is in a state of distraction over the fit of your formal dress, and has told me that if I do not bring you back immediately she will feed me to a dragon. Oh!" here he looked again at Wave, "and your parents wish your company as well."

Without waiting for a response, Gayán grabbed you up by the arm and dragged you from the barracks.

>Next
You were barely through the door before Mama Halé was fastening a jeweled _chlén_-hide collar over your shoulders, and arranging a kilt around your waste. As she eyed and adjusted its drape she barraged you with unsolicited advice about the upcoming ceremony.

"Tiúni, you must keep your posture during the parade, and during the feast. The headdress will be heavy, but you must look regal. And afterwards do not drink too heavily or overindulge in the powders. There will be ten of you getting your names today, and half of Jakálla has turned out to see, and you must be the most shining youth present. . ." on and on she chattered.

Mama Halé was your birth-mother's sister and had raised you since you were an infant. Your other mother, Dzái, had declared herself _aridáni_ at her own naming ceremony, and so taken on rights and responsibilities normally reserved for men. She had joined a legion and marched to war while her sister elected to remain a "good clan girl" and accept the more traditional role for women. Halé was not considered legally a person in her own right, could not own property, and could not be sued or challenged to a duel; but she was still a formidable personality, actively involved in the work and social life of Clan Golden Sunburst.

And now all of her will was bent on getting you through the day without a misstep that might provide fodder for gossips and lower your family's prestige within the clan-house. How did you feel about the celebration?

A: I was excited to be an adult, but just wanted to survive the day without disgracing myself.
B: I am always up for a good party and meant to enjoy myself.
C: This was my chance to impress my clan elders and the rest of the city's notables.
B.
As the priest accepted the orchid, your elder read out: "The ancient and exalted clan of Sea Blue is proud to welcome its newest member, Linátla hiMaródla. _Otuléngba!_" At his joyous shout, the crowd
replied in a chorus: "_Otuléngba!_, All Hail!" Having been cued before the ceremony by Dzái, the clan-elder now waited for you to claim your _aridáni_ status. Since you were little your birth-mother had made it clear that she expected you to be the equal of all men before the law and follow her into the army. How did you feel about this?

A: I would have preferred to remain a simple woman of my clan, and live a life surrounded by my aunts and sisters.
B: I was eager to assume the role of _aridáni_ and soldier, and to make my mark upon the world.
C: I was glad to become _aridáni_ and escape the stifling life of the good clan girl, but was not so sure about the soldier part.
B.
The Clan of the Striding Incantation had a stage set up in one of the larger rooms, and had gathered a crowd. On this stage, in front of backdrops of painted cloth, moved magically animated puppets, each the size of your forearm. Directed by the spells of the puppeteers -- the secrets of which are protected by law and assassination -- the wooden figures were acting out the tale of Pendárte of Khéiris who had traveled throughout the many planes of reality to rescue the soul of Princess Ssíneleth from the horrific demon Rü'ütlánesh.

The puppet playing Pendárte moved from Plane to Plane (each with its own backdrop, showing fantastical landscapes) and in each one faced a new foe crafted of paper or bone or gems. Sometimes they would battle, while in other scenes Pendárte would humorously trick the demon. In the climactic battle, the small hero was pitted against a monstrous and ill-formed puppet made of reeds and paper. Pendárte's wooden sword clattered against Rü'ütlánesh's many limbs, occasionally breaking a reed with a loud snap that would cause the audience to gasp. Rü'ütlánesh appeared to use magic to cause wounds to spontaneously open upon Pendárte and pour forth blood (or rather, red ink).

The battle was waged back and forth across the stage, until finally Pendárte leaped upon the great demon's back, and stabbed down with his sword into the fragile paper. Then, from this husk rose the Princes Ssíneleth. The crowd all snapped approval. The evening was yet young; where did you go next?

A: I looked for Wave, I mean Sáyi
B: I went to see the dancers
C: I went to go listen to the poetry reading
B.
In a tiled courtyard, young men and women adorned in transparent green (very little of it) danced to the music of drums and a stringed _tenturén_. The silver bells upon their anklets created their own tune as they swayed and stamped in unison. There are many stories in Jakálla of men who have risked their wealth, social standing, and even lives for the favor of a skilled dancing girl, and those hired by clan Golden Sunburst are very skilled indeed.

The dancers continued their display, at times languorous, at others frantic. The dancers continued their display, at times languorous, at others frantic. Watching them sway rhythmically to and fro, you fell into a gentle sleep. It had been a long day. Someone must have collected you when the party ended, for you have a vague memory of being groggily undressed, and then more unconsciousness.

>Next Chapter
. . . What happens the next morning and in the years to come is a story not yet written.

I hope you enjoyed playing my game. If you did, keep an eye out on www.choiceofgames.com for the full story when I have written it.

I want to thank M.A.R. Barker for giving me permission to spin a tale in his fabulously detailed world of Tekumel, more information about which can be found at www.tekumel.com.

I also want to thank Dan and Adam for letting me write in choicescript and teaching me how to do so.

>Play again
F.
The hiVriyén lineage of the White Stone clan revels in the patronage of Lady Dlamélish. The Green Eyed Lady is a mystical goddess of pleasure who encourages her followers to live in the moment and seek out new experiences. As a soldier you do her honor whenever you feel the rush of battle or gaze triumphantly upon a new vista. The statue of a beautiful and sensuous woman before you is her thirty-fourth aspect: Mrikáya, "She Who Takes Pleasure in Battle". On the altar you pleasingly arrange three large green blossoms and several silver coins. And what brings you to Dlamélish's Temple?

A: I hope to lead my men well in the coming siege.
B: I want to find glory and promotion
C: I wish to return safely to my home and family when this is over
B.
The military is one of the few methods of social advancement within the Tsolyáni Imperium; and a soldier who is good at his trade, respectful of his superiors, and liberal with bribes can rise far, especially with a little luck. Hopefully this offering has brought you that luck.

As you finish praying the silence of the temple is disturbed by the faint scuffing of sandals upon stone. You turn in time to see a woman, wearing the badge of an assassin's clan, raise a blowgun to her lips. As you duck, a poisoned dart whistles by your ear to thunk into the altar. You are alone in the small shrine and unarmored, though your _chlén_ hide sword leans against the altar. (Metal is too rare on Tekumel to be of common use, and so soldiers fight with weapons cut from a tough hide which has been chemically treated to resemble soft bronze.)

A: I grab my _chlén_ hide sword and lunge for the woman in expert form. B: I cast the spell 'Hands of Kra the Mighty', and crush her, as one does a fly.
C: I focus my psychic energies and time slows around me. Picking up my chlén hide sword I advance.
D: I whistle for two of my soldiers who are stationed outside.
B.
Though you are not as talented as the mages of your legion's sorcerer corps, you studied the casting of spells in Temple School, attaining a low priestly rank. You strike the ritual poses needed to bring forth a spell and the assassin's eyes widen in fear.

>Next
A great force cracks the stone flagging as she leaps aside and throws a small bronze  dagger which lodges in your thigh. It is suicide to cast spells while touching metal, and she charges you like a wild zrné beast, pressing the attack before you can remove the knife.

A: Though an accomplished spell caster and leader of men, I am no match for an assassin in close combat, so I fight defensively and whistle for two of my soldiers who are stationed outside.
B: I am as deadly with a sword as I am with my spells, and leap to meet her attack with a ferocious counter attack.
B.
The look of victory in the assassin's eyes turn to surprise as you grab your chlén hide sword and leap forward. After a few exchanges, you boldly duck down and remove the bronze dagger. Fearing your spells the assassin backs away.

A: She is too tired now to dodge my spell which crushes her with terrifying force. Her death is a fair price for an attempt upon my life, but I make it quick.
B: With careful finesse I use my spell to pin her gently to the stone floor. I'm curious to know whether it's true that Assassins cannot be tortured into betraying their clients.
C: I once more strike the poses needed to cast spells and summon forth a ball of flame. "Do you yield?"
B.
Most officers would jump at the chance to ride in comfort and socialize with their superiors, but not you. Why?

A: I want my legionaries to know I lead from the front and share their tribulations.
B: This way I will stand out in the eyes of my superiors.
C: I want to use the opportunity to see how things stand with my legionaries with my own two eyes.
D: I enjoy marching.
B.
It was quite convenient not needing to leave the warmth of the dormitory and walk through the damp hall on the chilly spring night. You simply dragged your sleeping mat over next to Wave, who was still awake, waiting for you. "Tiuni, I was worried you were mad at me and were not coming tonight," he whispered. You thought how strange it would be that after tomorrow no one would ever call you Tiuni again. There was pride in the idea that you would finally have an adult's name and an adult's responsibilities.

Earlier that day you had found Wave gambling with some of the other boys in one of the courtyards. You knew that his mother would not have approved of gambling, and worst of all, he had placed the small ceramic amulet of _Dletára_ "The Goddess of Reflective Pleasures," patroness of love between members of the same sex, that you had given him in the pot! After the dice had been thrown and he had won, Wave had claimed he had only bet it because he had known it would bring him luck; but as Wave slipped the amulet back around his neck, and gathered up his winnings, you had stormed off with tears in your eyes. Though Wave was beautiful and clever, he could also be spoiled, sure that his winning personality could get him out of any situation.

Now he was looking up at you with a vulnerable worry, different from the brash assurance of earlier in the day.

A: "I could not stay angry with you."
B: "You hurt my feelings, _tsámmeri_, when you do not value my gifts." C: "If you ever do something like that again, we're through!"
You keep going
Really? What is your name then?

>Type Something
Snuggles
An excellent and noble name! And what offering did you present?

A: A large pile of coins of pure silver
B: A green glass vial filled with sweet perfume
C: An emerald colored snake
B.
Your tale of a young man who tried to rescue his beloved from the Garden of the Weeping Snows--only to end frozen as a statue a hair's breadth from her touch for all eternity--reinforced the mood of sentimental despair. A certain despondency hung in the room as you left. The evening was yet young; where did you go next?

A: I went to watch the puppet show
B: I went to see the dancers
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Money will come when you are doing the right thing.

Babe, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel dinner. Yeah, I've got to stop the boss from being executed.

Beginner's Lessons from "The Big Book of Financial Crimes"

No! My shiniest of shiny objects! Don't fly aw--- Come back! I love you!

Well, now that my girlfriend's mad at me, where were we? Ah, right.

It's kind of boring here. I hear the king hasn't put anybody in the dungeon in over a year. Must make you feel special. It's drafty, being up in the tower, and the stones in the wall have chips and various--- do you really care? They're old. The door looks pretty sturdy. There's some light coming into the room from a window about, uh, twice your height up. Can we leave?

I can see a tapestry, a bed, a mirror and an annoying git in a dress here.
About yourself
You're a mediocre wizard. No, no, boss, don't look sad! Wait for me to finish! You're a great inventor! See, there was a compliment coming. You always have the best ideas. Remember Primo Eyeballs-in-a-Can? That was my personal favorite, for obvious reasons. But your ideas don't always, er, work right. That's why you took the wizarding job: 'cause it gets you money to work on your inventions until we hit it big. Which we will, as soon as we replace all that missing money and keep you from getting killed and, um, okay, this is probably not cheering you up as much as I'd hoped.

Right now your body is in the corner, unconscious. You're wearing your completely awesome purple robe, but your hat got lost in the arrest fiasco. The stupid fat guy searched you and took all your stuff, but maybe there's something he missed. I don't know.
You check your inventory
I'm carrying around:
the mind of a mediocre wizard
You look at the mirror
It's an oval mirror with a steel frame bolted to the wall. The frame has little diamond-shaped cutouts in it. The mirror itself is about as big as I am. It's got a big dent in it, but it still works as a reflective surface.
You look in the mirror
Hey, it's me! I'm W.D., your familiar, and I'm awesome. Check out these feathers!
You examine wizard
(the annoying git in a dress)
You're a mediocre wizard. No, no, boss, don't look sad! Wait for me to finish! You're a great inventor! See, there was a compliment coming. You always have the best ideas. Remember Primo Eyeballs-in-a-Can? That was my personal favorite, for obvious reasons. But your ideas don't always, er, work right. That's why you took the wizarding job: 'cause it gets you money to work on your inventions until we hit it big. Which we will, as soon as we replace all that missing money and keep you from getting killed and, um, okay, this is probably not cheering you up as much as I'd hoped.

Right now your body is in the corner, unconscious. You're wearing your completely awesome purple robe, but your hat got lost in the arrest fiasco. The stupid fat guy searched you and took all your stuff, but maybe there's something he missed. I don't know.
You examine the dress
I love your robe. It's so stylish. It's purple and dark purple and darker purple and all swirly patterned and stuff, and it's covered in sequins and sparkles and shiny and glittery and glowy! It's mesmerizing. You look great, even unconscious. There are big floppy pockets sewn inside. You usually keep all kinds of stuff in there.
You look in the pockets
Hey, hey, there's a magic wand in one of the pockets! Man, the fat guy didn't even think it was worth taking? That's just sad.
You look at the wand
This is the Aetheric Coin Generator Mark III! It turns air into faery coins. The Mark I only lasted through seven thousand uses or so, and Mark II backfired and turned coins into air.
You examine the tapestry
It's a garish sight. I'm usually all over things with more than thirty colors, but none of these even go together. I don't think humans are supposed to be that shade of orange. I think the blue blobby thing is meant to be a unicorn, but that's a wild guess.

The tapestry was probably made by the late queen. I've heard stories about her prolific and, er, unique talent. I'm sure the old guy couldn't bear to throw it out, and nobody else could bear to look at it. There's a wobbly inscription woven into the corner.
You examine inscription
"To my beloved on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. May our love always be as eternal as the flowing fountain."

That's a fountain? I guess this was made by the queen. Aw, that's so sad. I mean, she had no taste, but they say the old guy really loved her and went mad with grief after she died. I guess that was good for us, with you getting the job here and him never caring what you did.
You get the tapestry
That's fixed in place.
You look at the bed
It's a wooden bed frame that would be big enough for one human with a mattress or pillows, but there aren't any around. It doesn't look particularly comfortable, and the wood's splintering.
You look under the bed
Nothing but a bit of dust.
You examine the door
It's a big wooden door, wide enough for two humans to walk through it at once. Based on all the noise when they threw us in here, it's locked from the outside.
You open the door
Hmm, the latch won't move. I think it's locked, and I don't think I'd be strong enough to push it open even if it weren't. Wings aren't really good for that kind of task.
You examine the window
The "window" is just a space in the stones. It's smaller than a human but bigger than a raven, if you catch my drift.
You wake wizard
(the annoying git in a dress)
Your body is out cold from that whack the guards gave you, apparently unconscious beyond what I can fix with ravenous violence. You're lucky you ate one of your Mind Melding Mints when you did. I am not so lucky.

I will also point out that I have not eaten your delicious eyeballs, despite having a perfect opportunity to do so. You're welcome.
You look at Mind
It's...well...it's hard to describe what it's like to have someone else in your head.
You put Mind in the wizard
(the annoying git in a dress)
If only it was that easy.
Peck wizard
(the annoying git in a dress)
..You know what? You, I will do random violence to. Consider yourself pecked. You're still unconscious, though.
You fly through the window
Whooooosh! I'm flying out the window to sweet, delicious freedom! And to sweet, delicious rotting meat, with any luck.

The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's on lockdown while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors.
You go west
I've stopped in front of a cottage, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround us and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.

There's a red barn off to the west.

I can also see a hedgehog here.
You examine the hedgehog
Hedgehogs are, sadly, inedible, so there's not much to say about them. This one is frolicking, which is very undignified. In fact, I think it's singing.
You listen to the hedgehog
It appears to be singing about how nice it is to be pointy. I think I'm losing intelligence just listening to it.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Doop de dooooooo,
It's a round life for meeeeee!
We're roly and poly
And hedgyhogoly,
A life in the hedge is for meeeeee!
Peck hedgehog
I wish I could, but he's just too pointy.
Hello
"Hey, hedgehog, I---"

"Hi! Got any food? Got any food? Iiiiiiiiii'm pointy!"

I think I'm done here.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Singing is the best,
The best, the best!
What's the best?
That's riiiiiiiiight, it's siiiiiiiinging!
You ask the hedgehog about the food
"Hey, hedgehog, I---"

"Hi! Got any food? Got any food? Iiiiiiiiii'm pointy!"

I think I'm done here.
You feed the hedgehog
(to the hedgehog)
I haven't got the hedgehog.
You look at the corn
The corn won't be ripe for months. I wish we still had some of that Numinous Plant Enhancer left. Man, that was a great invention. It turned plants into rotting meat! I don't understand why nobody wanted to buy it.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Singing is the best,
The best, the best!
What's the best?
That's riiiiiiiiight, it's siiiiiiiinging!
You look at the barn
It's a bit far off to see very well.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Is a happy happy hog!
It's a good day for eating
And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
You examine the cottage
A fairly nondescript house of the sort I understand humans like to live in. Its door is ajar.
Go inside
You'll have to be more specific, boss.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Is a happy happy hog!
It's a good day for eating
And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
You enter the cottage
These little country houses are hit or miss. Sometimes they have good food to steal. Sometimes their owners want to cook and eat you. This particular one is a one-room cottage with a thatched roof. The chimney's the nicest thing here. Unfortunately for us, there's nothing cooking on the fireplace. No fire either, so waiting around here isn't going to get us any food. Nobody's here, though the door to the north is ajar.

A ramshackle table stands against the wall.

There are some farming tools in the corner of the cottage.
You look at the chimney
It's a red brick chimney. I'm not a great judge--- I don't know why anyone would ruin meat by setting it on fire--- but it looks nicer than the rest of the house. The bricks look like they're exactly the same size, and they're laid out in straight rows. Most of them, anyway; one is sticking out a bit. It looks like the mortar surrounding it has been cut away.
You examine the brick
There's one brick in the fireplace that's sticking out. It looks like the mortar around it's been cut away.
You pull the brick
Okay. It's a rough surface. I can probably get my claws in and drag it out. Rrrgh! Well, I didn't manage to pry it all the way out, but I did shift it a little. There's a parchment concealed under the brick.
You get the parchment
Taken.
You read it
This is...well...man, this is a lot of text. I didn't know humans could write letters that tiny. Give me a minute.

...Okay, I'm pretty sure it's some kind of insurance policy. Bearer gets...um, hmm. I think it's an insurance policy on a barn west of here, but don't quote me on that.
You look under the table
Good idea! Maybe there are some shiny coins or something!

No, sadly.
You examine the tools
They're some tools that you humans probably use to farm, uh, farm stuff. Some of them have pointy bits, if that helps.
You check your inventory
I'm carrying around:
some farming tools
a parchment
the mind of a desperate wizard
Go north
I've stopped in front of a cottage, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround us and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.

There's a red barn off to the west.

I can also see a hedgehog here.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Is a happy happy hog!
It's a good day for eating
And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
You show the tools to the hedgehog
I'm not getting any response. Pssh. I wish I had one of your Extremely Loud Icebreaker Crackers. Those always got a response, even if it was usually a violent one.
You give the tools to the hedgehog
Hey, this is hard-earned stuff. I'm not just giving it away here.
Go west
Yep, big red barn. It's got a new paint job, too. It looks like it's in good condition, actually. I don't see any cobwebs in the corners or birds' nests, so either it's been freshly-built or they really cleaned the place out recently. Even the hay in the stalls is untrampled.

I can see a pile of hay here.
You examine the hay
The hay is dry and clean, which is pretty atypical for hay in a barn. I wonder if they haven't moved the animals in yet.
Go east
I've stopped in front of a cottage, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround us and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.

There's a red barn off to the west.

I can also see a hedgehog here.
Go east
The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's on lockdown while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors.
Go north
Big Street, South End
Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring; the financial district is farther north.
Go north
Big Street, Center
Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
You go east
Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place.

We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your bacon.

Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.

A red balloon is here, probably as part of some promotion.

Mel's at the counter.
You look at Mel
Mel notices me and gives me a boisterous greeting. "Hey, W.D.! How's my favorite raven doing? How's your boss? Need more color-changing powder? I have to warn you, I don't think this 'Cow of a Different Color' project is going to catch on."

"Not good, Mel. The Perfectly Foolproof Illusion on the treasury wasn't."

"Oh. Does that mean you are recently unemployed? Would you like a job? I've been meaning to branch out into delivery, but people are afraid of golems, so..."

"No, no. The boss is still good, at least for a few hours. I may be back tomorrow, though. (No offense, boss.) We, er, figure the only thing that might save the chief's bacon is to, uh, turn the fake treasure into...er..."

"Yes?"

"...real treasure. Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a Midas potion just, you know, lying around?"

Mel's normally placid face darkens, and he glowers at me. "W.D., you know that I like you and your master, but I do not typically keep potions which are primarily composed of irreplaceable components just 'lying around'. Besides, their manufacture is highly illegal, and I have an unfortunate allergy to prison."

"I know, I know. It was a long shot. We just thought you might have something."

Mel sighs. "I could possibly sell you some components, and then what you did with them would be up to you. But these ingredients are not cheap, and my favor to you would be selling them at all. You would have to come up with nearly enough money to repopulate the treasury on your own."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure we can come up with something. I like shiny objects, after all. I can probably scrounge up some money."

"All right. Good luck, W.D."

...Oh, shoot, I forgot what you asked me to do. Sorry, boss.
You examine the cockroach
They're amazingly realistic, except for the exploding part.
You ask Mel about the cockroach
"How are the Exploding Cockroaches working out for you?"

"Excellently, thank you. I will never tire of watching little Billy Goatsmith try to steal them."
You examine Mel
You know Mel! He runs the magic shop. He finds you charming, because you're like a kid to him, what with him being an actual super-duper wizard and you being sort of a tinkerer who can do a few spells here and there. Don't think that frowny face at me! It's not an insult! It's a fact. Mel likes the tinkering, anyway. He buys more of your inventions than anybody. I think he's still got some of the Exploding Cockroaches on the tricks shelf. He likes it when kids try to shoplift them.

Anyway, in case you've somehow forgotten, Mel always looks happy. He's got enough magic power to do whatever he wants, but what he wants is to quietly retire in this little shop. He dresses all in green, and I think he conjures up his clothes himself. He wears glasses that can see into your soul. (Or maybe he just thinks they look cool.) He's also the only person in town other than you who isn't too stupid to speak Raven.
You examine the balloon
It's a shiny red balloon on a string, filled with that special air that makes things float. It's really shiny. We should keep it and look at it for a while.
You ask Mel about tapestry
"I'm not quite sure I follow you, W.D."
You tell Mel about the tapestry
Frankly, boss, I don't think there's anything I can tell Mel that he doesn't already know. The man's a genius. We might have better luck asking questions, though.
You ask Mel about the balloon
"Can I have the balloon?"

"Yes, W.D. It's just there for advertisement. I can conjure up another one."
You get the cockroach
As you well know, those little guys are extremely unstable. Also, Mel's Magic Shop is you-break-it-you-buy-it.
You ask Mel about the hedgehog
Mel shakes his head. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."
You ask Mel about the queen
"The queen died, what, five years ago? That was before we got here. What was she like?" you ask Mel.

"She was very active. Always a new project. One year it was beets; the next it was tapestries. I believe the populace approved of her in a bemused sort of way. She never did anything too harmful, and she never stuck with anything for too long. She was our own little goddess of chaos. She and the king were very much in love, of course. He loved her more than anything. More than his own sanity, certainly."
You ask Mel about king
"Do you think the king will let the treasurer go ahead and off the boss?"

"I think the our dear king is not so mad that he can ignore the theft of the entire treasury. I think your employer is correct that replacing the money is his last, best hope for survival."
You ask Mel about the wand
"Know anything about magic wands, Mel?"

"Not much. They're really only used by less experienced or talented wizards. Most people outgrow them quickly. I think the usual way to activate one is by waving it."
You go to the west
Big Street, Center
Big Street is as big here as it is further to the south, although people have set up stalls in the middle, so it's more crowded. Mel's is to the east. We might be able to find something useful there. The financial district is farther north.
You go north
Big Street, North End
This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers - you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.

You can go west deeper into the city if you feel like being harassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast.
You go east
The bank's already closed for the day. That's unfortunate; it's probably full of money.
Go northeast
This is the floor of the stock market, and it's full of animals. There's hooting and honking and barking and mooing. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

I can see a salesman here.
Examine salesman
The salesman is wearing a fancy black suit. He seems faintly oily, but not in the delicious fried meats kind of way.
You examine the animals
There are more kinds of animals here than I can count. There must be, like, ten different kinds. They're currently alive, which is not the most delicious state for an animal, but I can dream.
You ask the salesman about the animals
"Awk!"

"Howdy, little birdie! Would you like to hear about Surety Insurance? We have policies to cover every..."

This guy is evangelizing insurance to a bird. I've already zoned out.
You show the parchment to the salesman
"Hmm, yes, this is one of our policies. If anything unfortunate should happen to the barn at 1 Farmland Farm, then the bearer will be entitled to...ah, let's see...eight thousand florins."
You go southwest
Big Street, North End
This is the heart of Moneyville, the financial district. There's a bank, the stock market, money changers - you want to spend and get money, you come here. This is a terrible part of town for getting food, but it's a great place for shiny, shiny gold. Everything here sparkles. Yeah...coins everywhere....Oh, sorry. I spaced out for a minute there.

You can go west deeper into the city if you feel like being harassed by guards. The bank's east of here and the stock market's northeast.
You go west
This is Mindo Street. I think Mindo was the chancellor a long time ago or something. There's fields or farms or something southwest of here, which is less likely to contain snacks but also less likely to smell like people. Big Street's back east.

Sandie's Hot Meats stall is here. Sandie's at the counter.
You examine Sandie
Sandie is a short, round woman. To a first approximation, she's a sphere. To a second approximation, she's a sphere with hands. She's got a greasy apron on and she smells fantastic. I love her and her meaty ways. She only loves me when I have money.
You get the meat
Boss, that is an excellent idea, but Sandie has a mean backhand.
You ask Sandie about the meat
"Quork quork quork!"

"I know what you want, W.D., but I'm not giving you any food unless you have some real money. Your tab is already ridiculous."
Go upward
It's kind of boring here. I hear the king hasn't put anybody in the dungeon in over a year. Must make you feel special. It's drafty, being up in the tower, and the stones in the wall have chips and various--- do you really care? They're old. The door looks pretty sturdy. There's some light coming into the room from a window about, uh, twice your height up. Can we leave?

I can see a tapestry, a bed, a mirror and an annoying git in a dress here.
You look in the pockets
In the robes is a magic wand.
Wave wand
Poof! A glittering coin materializes in the air in front of me and drops to the floor.
Again
I already have that.
Wave wand
Nothing happens. I think Mel said something about having to destroy the last coin first. Conservation of energy, or something.
You fly
Whoooosh! That was fun, boss, but we should get back to saving your miserable hide.
Go downwards
The gate's closed, which is a pity since we could probably steal a lot of nice stuff if we could get into the throne room or the king's bedroom. But the castle's on lockdown while the treasurer tries to figure out where the king's wandered off to, and I'm not going to attempt to peck my way through the giant wooden doors.
Go north
Big Street, South End
Big Street is the main street in the city. It's big enough for four wagons to pass side by side (hence the name), and it's actually cobbles instead of dirt like all the other roads. There are various shops selling clothes and other things we don't care about. This stretch of the road is pretty boring; the financial district is farther north.
You examine the coin
This is one of your majick faery coins. They were incredibly useful for a while, but then some wiseacre figured out that they explode if you put salt on them. Now everyone in town knows they're not real gold. The coins are useless as currency, at least until we find a new idiot.
You look at the salt
I'm told that humans put salt on things to make them taste salty. Psh. The only seasoning meat needs is more meat.
You ask Sandie about the salt
"Awk awk caw!"

"I know what you want, W.D., but I'm not giving you any food unless you have some real money. Your tab is already ridiculous."
You look at the counter
Sandie's Hot Meats is exactly what it says on the tin. It's a tent with a couple of tables and the delicious smell of hot, hot meat products. You can get the "Excitement Mix", which contains the random meat mix of the day, or you can pay twice as much to guarantee that you're eating pork or beef or some other animal you humans are picky about. (I suspect you get the Excitement Mix no matter what you pay for.) As usual, Sandie's here running the stall.

Inside the meats stall are some meat pans, some salt and some pepper.
You put the coin on the hay
Okay, I've put the faery coin on the pile of hay.
You put the salt on coin
Fwoooom! The faery coin explodes! Sparks everywhere!

I think the hay is on fire. Yep, it's kind of smoking. Oooh, I see flame!
Go east
I've stopped in front of a cottage, which is the only interesting thing for miles. Fields of corn barely taller than I am surround us and make for a really dull view. Civilization is back to the northwest, and the castle is east of here.

There's a red barn off to the west.

I can also see a hedgehog here.

Oooh, I can see flames shooting out of the barn! There's this huge cloud of smoke going up!

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Is a happy happy hog!
It's a good day for eating
And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
You examine barn
It's a bit far off to see very well.

The barn's collapsing! Crash! Smash! It's like the time your Solar-Powered Juice Extractor went wrong and took out that entire apple orchard!
You wait
All right.

The barn's now a pile of ash and rubble! Aww, man. I guess that means the show's over.

The hedgehog starts to sing:

Is a happy happy hog!
It's a good day for eating
And siiiiiiiiiiiinging!
Go west
You should have thought of that before you had me burn the barn down.
You show the policy to the salesman
"Hmm, yes, this is one of our policies. If anything unfortunate should..." He trails off as he notices a rising plume of smoke in the distance. "I see. Well, then. I suppose this is yours." He takes the parchment from me and hands me a check.
Examine check
We got this check for burning down--- er, redeeming the policy on the barn at 1 Farmland Farm. Well, actually, we did both of those things.
Go east
Mel's Magnificent Mystical Minutiae is the real deal. You can get all sorts of magical things here. Some of it is cheap junk that doesn't work, and that's what most people get; but if you want serious magic (and you've got serious money), Mel's is the place.

We're here to ask Mel for a Midas potion specifically, which might save your bacon.

Some of Mel's famous Exploding Cockroaches are on display here.

Mel's at the counter.
You show the check to Mel
"Hey, Mel, what do you say about eight thousand florins?"

Mel takes the check and considers it. "Hmm. Made out to cash, even. All right, W.D., I'm impressed. Perhaps you will be able to get enough money."

This is wonderful, boss! I think we're well on our way to creating the potion and saving your bacon!