text: Met. <== riTIvflhl . ............ 4 16 M 0 e l :::::: a12 342 b 6101 16 25 2 71t112 1 124 W, p 75 *91I-2 18 22 *) 61EI *100 ......... ' " +1' 2''i :'. 50 ' 100 160l 8 '1: 40 h, 70 90 11ie lveirl.ltita payable qlurterly, - dus. .Ivtrlkigtt paranble In advaiir.. It' rre 30 per tent. more than mt .Iziasgnom; "" tiring.. 19 Dets fr the tA In insrtin; 11 to f· or ealch suomeding Iurslfior; " 1n~ 14onparle·~l mea urs. ,,,c "apable oil dellvery. PR.OFESSIONAL CARDS. ALIJS4& ORBIS. W·. )H. CULL·m, . 21.1wlYS-AT- LAW, - - t1anta..a. i~ O'BANNON, N. W ". Corner of Ptrat end 0 Street. .t grlt- Episopal ChUrch. *i I. I· r.~'lhL. . - bu ld VOYx, ivil EnWineor aaH n ,),tt t '3te Episcopal Church.sr tt 1". lg ". - 1i· tllt *a.I. ,. ) pii s inx-, Suvyr ri t gllI 0. 11. O'Bannon. Orders for bur. A Mrrv: .1 and Agriclltural Lands will re. Sromnp¶ attention. Orders can be left with Ba n Lualn in in my abance. 5109 LAND PATENTS! " . ,'r n . f rTItetc , llu , p tlI ..I nn rh Ia? illt Puilhl lIrnd .iiiiimra A{,peril., 'w . . lot. ni~", I)/ "pemaul't caxdrc:ed. Ap HI t i 2) 11.1.1~:. All .iiriv 11 I uplltgar'lor nt Law. .1I'L . l' '4P1Kr. r'uutt t g`alnClim and tl..'.1.. itriA WABHIN'G1'ON,D.C H - .1V APTGN, ~ ('1 II 1 ..a{Ktit ia ru "d P l 4r yo V. ¶ i,. i I , Ii hk i l l.· .&tid alijcuutc Ucoitzit. rill It ).'rt I"'d ,.". tila~t PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS. . " 1~ttV"HLL M. D., I.P 1 i·Vtn and Surgeon, tici :-Oppoalta Scott House. 1; ,- Kant=&a. " i,.," rt~ .I;. tran tawil .PI ..aaiftrv T *B. h 'GS. KM. D.4 .-"i ;iltan a-id Surg;on, 1.u. " irt House Square, formerly oc i,,,rd by 0. U. OBaunon. *~ i,. Iril~l~lllry a ill et. ~lvc larcnalit a II .48 cT:3.iXTN c3LASS Oiag· of iii. ul.Iarai .1 .T~t:vn~kr a of LC~n:arb. Iv~* I citd ill thai P':sr 1 fFFIlc., DEI)II IA)I)GIL. ~I lI~·a ii -pti~ Illt Of nri.h liii fInnl wgtrbtie. (,ood oar 2u~. nrhnte 4 aald til rol. rre~inallu. 47.111 BANKS AND BANKERS& ?frzt National Dank! i, KKNA, - MONT ANA. Authorized Cacital. 6500.000 Paid up Capital.... -"$100.000 Surplus and Profits 6250,000 s 'I'. KAIIUSB , - Presidet. E. W. KNMIGHT, - - Cashier. r. d. KLEKENSCIKWT, - Ass't Cuh. J Je I &NAD DU'051TO03 orT~t UNITED STATUS. ý' ," ..ý Ir ,A aaucral Bonking busines, and bal. at ..t, t..I.tLttB8l4 l)usL. Owi, UCid sad Silver adl t., in Ical I.curweCv; dIs. IoMacbaSl ai deb C r .:14 rranatersa. vailable In all parts of tLh UnIted ,+ , i. " ", me t'isludda. Iarva Brtatin, Irdiad asS Lbs .; It1 wit. OOLLIOII'4S asd. amm pue.OeaaSllltd lflreotorS. INU'4'. IOlN CURTIN re M 1"I~E~t It S IAIILTaN. A 3DAVIS. T lI KI.SIIMri'lIMI11T. r5O W. DONNBLL, N. A. Ct'.ARK S. B: L:ARA:iIB. Th pill, Clark & Lari e, BA rKIE3RS,. DEER LO.OCE, . T. &..w a euesral BankfnLg Busineam and Draw Kachangs on A'1 th, Prnolpal 01hi5 of the World. N4EW YORK CORRKSPONDENT&. ;. all, Lawson & Simpson,, Nei.. 140M 1 ,gsIrl V n v KOTEA. ;33R LODUN, MONTANA, Sam. Scott, . Proprietor. Su8rd Per D a 0~, UN 6"~~5 'O T Y HO1ETWL, Pssr Lef.. - Usamv :;M d iia Lodes PW by alti©a MkILE3 J oui1ý e,_- rsM. CtK OI&POLI1'AN ý4 Aew. 5f a ýº Anw111º.,ýrlrr4 I1)Tli Ir J"Y~`2 l "I. . sý VOL. 14, NO. . DEER LODGE, MONTANA, JULY 14, 1882. HOLE NO. 79. VOL. 14, NO. 8. DEER LODGE, MONTANA, JULY 14, 1882. WHOLE NO. 679. POETRY. IN HARBOR. I'Al I. H. HA1% :. I lhink it 1a over, over- I thlink it i- over at last : V 'ii l t of' f'ettmat ail h lover, Tle, sweet and the bitter have patsse : Life. Ilkae a teanllpest of oce'.an. -lath outblown its ultimate bla.st. There's ibut a faint sobbing sanward, While the calm of the. tide derpens leeward, And biehold likae thea welcoming quiver Of heart-puleas throbbed through the river, Thlae lights in Harbor at last The heavenly Harbor at last ! I feel it is over, over The witnd and the waters surcease: How few were the days of thae Rover That smiled in the beauty of peace ! And distant and dim was the omen That hiuted redress or release. F.omt the ravage of Life, and its riot, What marvel I yearn for the quiet Which bidles in this Harbor at last ? For the lights, with their welcoming quiver, Tiuat thrub through the asanctitled river Whlich girdles the HIarbor at last The heavenly Harbor at last : 1 kniow it in over, over I know it is over at last : Down sail ! the sheathed anchor uncover; For the stress of the vo. age i lpassed ; Life, like a t4'lepe.st of ocean, Hath outblown its ultimate blast. Therc's but a faintl sobbiing seaward, While, the calm of the tide d*eepenn leeward: And be.()hlaa l! like theit w-'lotuming quiver Of heart-pulses throbbed through the river, Thiose' lights in the iarbor at last Tih', hlea;vcnly Harbor at last ! -IHurper's .hflluuzine fr July. THE BELLS OP SAN.BLAS. What say the Bells of San Bila.s To the ships that southward pass For the Iarbor of 'Mazatlan ? To them it is nothing more Than the sound of surf on the shore - Nothing wore to maIter or man. But to me-, a dreamer of dreams, To whom.what is and what seems Are often one and the sanlne The bells of Hair llas to me iave a strange; wild melody, Anld.are something more than a name. For healls are the v'oice of the 'hurch; They ha.ve' tonae's that touclh antill search The hea:rts of the young anad ol I: O(e soliund to all. yet each Lendlt a meaning tor ther aspeaoech, Anl the m l.anilng is manlaifold. S-L.LeW· eluw'a llst poemia isi thei .Julyl Atlantic. The S.ene of the ~tiormu of tlhy iemoun Cloudl Au low*. R. l..td by n, EaJe tWteoe. "IThe sun went down," he said, "behind a batl'. of peculisa clouds. They were of falt tmtl e shapes, and the last rays of the setting Sun imparted lo thIem a caiwson, angry hue. I couldn't help, for the lile of mte, thinking of the ferocious red eyes of an untenable bull dog, wher I looked at the lurid spee trale. Night came on and with it the storm. Incessant lighting illuminated the northern sky. The clouds grew blacker and the atmospheric agitation increased. The balloon-shaped cloud, about which you already know, could be seen approaching a quarter of an hour before it reached the town, and for at least five minutes before its arrival the roaring sound, which has been aptly likened to the rumbling of fifty freight trains across an iron bridge filled the air with its ominous echoes. It was preceded by a violent wind, which blew down trees and drove people into the house. I was standing in an open space on one of the western streets of the town, and feeling that I was safer there than I could be in a house, I determined to remain there, though I admit I was frightened half to death. The rumbling roar came nearer, and the lowering mass seemed to reach out black areas to the earth, when with a horrible, whistling shriek the monster swept by within a hundred yards of where I stood rooted with fear and amazement. The raging thing swooped down upon the piece, licking up every thing in its path. Some of the houses were massed down and swept along, while others were picked up bodily, torn to pieces, and the furniture and occupants lifted into the air with their bodies to be hurled to the earth again or blown the earth where. The dreadful giant pursued its way, crushing, crushing, and destroying with cruel wan claws. In the uneathly glare produced by the blazing lightning, which blazed wildly and incessantly, and by the balls of fire with which the gyrating maps seemed alive, I could see the air filled with lapping of every conceivable form, from scraps of paper to sections of roofs and floors to the height of four or five hundred feet, and I don't know how much higher. A house would be crossed like an eggshell. and in the time that takes to tell, the matter that composed it would be climbing skyward with incredible rapidity. The air which was charged with electricity, and where I saw the atmosphere was of a ghostly palor. The whirlwind mooring, threw out its beams and sparks and bals as it passed seag. KMigled with the frightful roaring of the eyc$onle could be heard the shrill, blood e tt{Itg shrieks "of women as they' were ei htL up and borne away to their death. T depeo cOAuca it rlngleg an my ears yet. 'Th cyIlease was petbly a minute or a idqute sad a half passing sme. It seemed ap . Nothing ever filled me with such ne spe ablse sweas thise releuless rjo of lbL e n'st.-this nkereless match of deth." yt me s Moas y. Arkesow T'raeelekr Spreral weesh ago, when Jyt Gould was 1slttcle ad h hewlap visited It is spedal ca a strange:ookug, dAssx ed wat, asked : t sp.ithe op s ieu r*r itfsP aft eoolesrý .Ea ;** 4*. : t I,( (':" P\ AN INNOCENT JOKE. How a Roy Played Game of Flat Ma·a rent on Iils Paternal Ancestore. There is a boy out west who is so full of fun that sometimes it makes him ache. He is the same boy who, not long since, wrote a note to his father, signed the name "Dalsy" to it, and got the old man to stand on a corner for two hours waiting for the girl. After that, scrape the old man told the boy that he had no objection to innocent jokes, such as would not bring reproach upon him, and as long as the boy confined himself to jokes that would simply cause pleasant laughter, and not cause the finger of scorn to be pointed at a parent, he would be the last one to kick. So the boy has been for three weeks trying to think of some innocent joke to play on his father. The old man is getting a little near-sighted, and his teeth are not as good as they used to be, but the old man will not admit it. Nothing that anybody can say can make him own up that his eyesight is failing, or that his teeth are poor, and he would bet a hundred dollars that he could see as far as ever. The boy knew the failing and made up his mind to demonstrate to the old man that he was rapidly getting off his base. The old person is very fond of macaroni, and eats it about three times a week. The other day the boy was in a drug store and noticed in a show case a lot of small rubber hose, about the size of sticks of macaroni, such as is used on nursing bottles, and other rubber utensils. It was white and nice, and the boy's mind was made up at once. Le bought a yard of it, and took it home. When the Macaroni was cooked and ready to be served, he hired the table girl to help him play it on the old man. They took a pair of shears and cut the rub. Her hose in pieces about the same length as the pieces of boiled macaroni, and put them in a saucer with a little macaroni over the rubber pipes, and placed the dish at the old man's plate. Well, we suppose if ten thousand people could have had reserved seats and could have seen the old man struggle with the India rubber macaroni, and have seen the boy's struggle to keep from laughing, they would have had more fun than at a circus. First, the old delegate attempted to cut the macaroni into small pieces, and failing, he remarked that it was not cooked enough. The boy said his macaroni was cooked too tender, that his father's teeth were so poor that he would have to eat soup entirely pretty soon. The old man said, "Never you mind my teeth, young man," and decided that he would not complain of anything again. He took up a couple of pieces of rubber and one piece of macaroni on a sofa and put them in his mouth. The macaroni dissolved easily enough, and well down perfectly easy, but the flat macaroni was too much for him. He chewed on it for a minute or two, and talked about the weather in order that none of the family should see that he was in trouble, and when he found the macaroni would not down, he called their attention to something out the window and took the rubber slyly from his mouth, and laid it under the edge of the table. His plate. He was more than half convinced that his teeth were played out, but he went on eating something else for a while, and finally he thought he would just chance the macarochi once more for luck, and he stored away another foolish thing in the room. It was the same old story. He chewed like a beaver, and his eyes stuck out and his face became red, and his wife looked at him as though afraid she was going to die of apoplexy, and finally the servant girl burst out laughing and went out of the room with her apron stuffed in her mouth, and the boy felt as though it was unhealthy to tarry too long at the table and he went out. He was mad and glad at the same time, glad because he had found that his teeth were not to blame, sad mad because the grocer had sold him boarding house macaroni. Then the girl came in and was put on the confeious, and told all, and presently there was a sound of revelry by night in the wood-shed, and the still, small voice was saying, "Oh, pa, don't! you said you didn't care for innocent jokes." "It was ever thus. A boy can't have any fun now days. No time to tell a lie. Marietta Journal. Jesse C. had the reputation of being the "biggest liar" in Georgia and was never known to come out behind. One hot day Bill sat in the shady side of his barn. Presently he saw Jesse riding in great haste toward town. Bill halted him and went to the gate. Jesse asked him what he wanted. "Stop and tell us a big lie," said Bill. "No time for lying now," said Jesse, hurriedly. "Your Uncle Soll'died suddenly an hour ago, and I am going furs coroner and a coroner." And on he went. Bill ran to the house and told his wife. She gathered up the children. He brought the wagon, loaded in his family, posed off his miles through the dust and dust to Uncle Soll's. On arriving, he found the family and two neighbors in the large kitchen, Uncle Soll-bought to the place in half a big watermelon. The surprise was mutual, and Explains followed. "Well," said Bill, "I asked Jess for a big lie, and no only got it, but we tried enough to tell it. I wouldn't believe him again. I knew he was dying." "I am not dying," said Jess. Paes Corp., 0. eepmue. In long time since a gentleman from Paris was lost. NEW NORWESTERS. There are no Jews in Bethlehem or Nazareth. The Roman Catholics are about to establish a convent at Fiji. The cranium in man is to the cranium in woman as 100 to 86.7. Alabama has had but four Governors who were natives of the State. The human body is composed of fourteen or more of the common chemical elements. Lieutenant Datenhower is engaged to a young lady well known in Washington society. The Methodist Church South is the next to the largest of all the Methodist bodies in the world. The favorite flowers of the late well-known florist, James Vick, of Rochester, were pansies and violets. The Southern Pacific railroad has, it is reported, ordered the construction of 3,000 20 ton freight cars. Of Government and railroad lands twenty million acres were sold last year, most of it to actual settlers. The original Colonel Mulberry Sellers is an uncle of Mark Twain's mother, and still lives at Hannibal, Mo. It sounds a little paradoxical to say that the man whose life is insured must die forever, but it is nevertheless true. Paper made from strong fibers can now be compressed into a substance so hard that nothing but a diamond can scratch it. During a shower in the neighborhood of Paris, twelve hundred flashes of lightning were heard. C counted with a period of two hours. The Japanese Government has 1014 foreigners in its employ, including 73 Englishmen, 12 Germans, 21 Americans, and 16 Frenchmen. The Governor and one of the Senators of Arkansas are natives of Kentucky, and the Democrats have nominated another native of Kentucky for Congressman at Large. The grave of Emerson at Concord is always covered with fresh flowers. This is done by the young people of the town, who make regular details for the purpose. A son of one of the Siamese twins, who graduated recently from the North Carolina School for Mutes, visited Staunton, Va., the other day. He is described as "a good-looking young fellow," very bright, and well educated. He is both deaf and dumb. Several English collieries are testing blasting cartridges of caustic lime in place of the ordinary gunpowder or dynamite cartridges. The coal is broken by the expansion of the lime in slacking. There is no concussion, and the danger from flame and premature explosion is avoided. Colonel Ingersoll says it is absurd to ask him to believe that seven men could or did blow down the walls of Jericho with rain's horns. Well, then, why does the Colonel try to blow down all the churches in America with only his good strong breath? He had better wait for reinforcements. Ex-Mayor Isaac S. Kalloch, of San Francisco, sent word to Denver, Colo., recently, that he could not be there and lecture, but the Denver Tribune replied that in as much as he is a hypocrite as a preacher and a fraud as a man. It would advise him to keep away from. That respectable community. The first effects of small doses of arsenic taken from time to time are shown by experiments of MM. de 'oncecy and Liven upon cats to be a fattening of the body, increase of appetite, and general appearance of improved health. This is soon followed, however, by emaciation, loss of appetite, ammunia, and death. The London World says that the Metropolitan police force of 10,700 is scandalously incompetent for the prevention of crime, the detection of criminals, the protection of life and property, and the suppression of ruffianism. Within the last year and a half there have been eight murders, whose perpetrators are still at large. The Western Newspaper Union, of Des Moines, has been offered $50,000 for T. C. Delter's patent newspaper folder and plaster. Mr. Dexter has just returned from Washington, D. C., where he put one of the folders in the World office for $500. The invention has lifted him from a poor pressman to a wealthy young man, and he deserves his good luck. Once upon a time, while Field Marshal Murat Halstead was discussing the ethics of journalism with a few friends, he felt moved to remark, "Well, you may talk about the idiots you have known in the profession, but we have the blue ribbon ass of the Ohio press up in Dayton." At that moment the door opened and a visitor entered. "And dear me, here he is!" continued the imperturbable field marshal. "Gentlemen, this is W. R. Bickham, of Illinois." Dayton Journal. Blackburn, we were just speaking of you." A peculiar effect is produced upon the workmen in a Russian bacterium of potash factory. The partition of the nose is attacked, a hole is eaten through it, and after a time it is totally destroyed, both nostrils being converted into one. An inspection has shown that about fifty percent of the men employed have diseased noses, some having been attacked during their first month of work, while others have been employed ten years without being affected. The progress of this curious disease is entirely pain Mr. Peter Reid, of Fauquier county, noticed a little snake, about a foot long, and before killing it he turned it over with the muzzle of his gun. To his surprise the snake ran up his gun barrel and he could not get it to come out, so he let it remain. As he was going home he saw a hawk flying overhead and raised his gun and fired at it. The hawk was not hurt, but, seeing the snake in the air, started towards it and caught it on the fly. Mr. Peter Reid is a brother of a magistrate and a church mew baer. Warrenton Virginian. George Washington's will is on file in the office of the clerk of Fairfax county, Virginia. Hitherto the document has been without protection, and curious persons in hand have subjected it to a great deal of worry and tear. Now, however, the will is in a great case, where it may be seen, but not to be written on heavy and unadorned paper, without note size, and every side is covered. There are twenty-seven pages, all of which have Washington's name attached except the twenty-third, which ended with the words, "City of Washington," and it is supposed that it should be going over. Washington took the words for his signature, and, therefore, failed to sign the page. These are many indications that are true in the change in the character of the estate of the late George Washington, which is all directed to the sale of the land, which is now being sold. The high price of stock of all kinds, the sparrows of our wild and cultivated lands, which are quickly raised, is also devoted to extensive raising. The high price of stock of all kinds, the sparrows of our wild and cultivated lands, which we sell, is also devoted to the raising of livestock. A sense more than a hundred miles of ice. The steamship Abyssinia, which arrived at New York last week from Liverpool, was delayed four days longer than her average time for crossing, on account of having encountered immense ice flies. The steamer left Liverpool on the 3rd ult., and had been out about a week when the ice first made its appearance. It was in latitude 42° 40' longitude 40° 50', about one o'clock, in the morning of Sunday when the captain was called on deck. The morning was so dark and such a heavy fog prevailed that one could hardly see a hundred yards before him. Having been informed that ice was likely to be found in that region, Captain Bently exercised the greatest caution, and when the first iceberg loomed up in the darkness, he gave orders at once to diminish the speed of the vessel. No sooner was the first iceberg espied than others made an appearance, until presently the ocean seemed to swarm with them. Some of them are described as being over two hundred feet in height, sugarloaf in shape, and tapering up to a point. Several, it is declared, were over two hundred feet around the base, while all around them were floating particles of ice that gave them the appearance of small islands. As the steamer progressed, the icebergs grew more numerous until finally the captain could do no more than drift and proceed with the greatest caution. At times the Abyssinia passed within 410 yards of the largest ice line and caused many of the passengers to tremble. A southeast wind was blowing and the weather was warm and pleasant, making the trip most enjoyable but for the dense fog that seemed to follow them almost until New York was reached. From the discovery of the first iceberg until the vessel was entirely clear of ice, Captain Bently says that fully a hundred miles were traveled. Had the weather been clear and no fog there would be no difficulties encountered. At times the fog was so dense, that the lookout man could not be seen by those on the deck of the vessel, and the captain ordered that the temperature of the water be taken every few minutes to discover the proximity of the ice. On Monday the temperature of the sea fell to forty degrees when the engines were stopped for six hours, after which the steamer proceeded. very slowly for the next three days. On Tuesday, the vessel sailed through a whole fleet of icebergs, varying in size from fifty to one hundred feet in length. The captain said that in his seventeen years' experience in those waters, he never saw so much ice. The ice encountered, he states, comes from the coast of Labrador, is carried by currents through Davis Strait into the Gulf Stream where it finally dissolves it, the water at an angle of about fifty feet. THE QUEN'S "BODY ESQUIRE." Old John Strawn and his bride at a banquet. London Corr. Press. You know the partiality which the Queen of England has for her Scotch footman, John Brown. He is termed in the London Gazette "body esquire," and he is in constant attendance upon her Majesty. Well, on the day of the marriage of the Duke of Albany, John Brown was in great force. He attended upon the Queen throughout the day, and at night stood behind her chair at the great State banquet. That banquet which took place at St. George's hall, Windsor, was not so formal an affair as such feasts usually are. The chairs for Queen and guests were all alike, and there was no procession to the table. This absence of ceremony appeared to please John Brown, and led him to make a little mistake. The time came for the toasts to be given, and the Lord Steward was about to call them out, when John, proud of the possession of a good loud Scotch voice, thought it would be for the benefit of the guests if he repeated the mumblings of the Lord Steward. He did so, shouting out the toasts at the top of his strident voice. The Queen was pleased, so were most of the guests, for they knew not what was going on, and nobody particularly objected, for the incident was not likely to be made public. But somehow or other, the fact did leak out and appeased in a London paper the next morning. Windsor Castle was then in an uproar. Who had done it, everybody asked. There were grave consultations and much consideration, and then the paper in question was asked to contradict its own statement, while the "society journals" were ordered to say the whole story was a base fabrication. Of course, the behests of the court were obeyed, and so John Brown's glory evaporated. He will never have the full credit which belongs to his ingenuity on that great State occasion. Yet I think his time is coming, for I bear John Brown will ere long be made a knight. He already has a beautiful house at Balmoral and re-splendent apartments at Windsor and Osborne, and the day is not far distant when he will kneel down while a grateful sovereign lays a sword on his head. AN OLD IDYL. The school and Woes of Miss Woolfait. When Mr. Farney took charge of the High School at Miss Vista, Ohio, a bright and lovely pupil, Miss Woolfait, was found to be committed to his care. They fell immediately and systematically in one, as well as in one, they were rigidly in one, and the young lady, with a great desire to break the engagement, was obliged to break the engagement. Then Mr. Farney inferred the offer and asked for blessing, and prevailed upon the double grief to break the engagement. Then Mr. Faruiy rsigned his place lairs lHigh Uheol, and before he left Le eeiled, with the Wooltaes onsent, fortshe ls Itmreite wwi 11., beastk# l brkestaer . trle n lu sr o 4"s the e.a*,, wsee of als x * w4 bever oed eMadlyst-s ad we D a. nwr ed bliadiy" Aeoy weadn't bes aw to pisr. TbesqMr. 1Ig went swaluhei trtand e rts d s d* estea*6#e Is py was oand In d bsh. s(tb l i D l sb wo·Ur. S.amIsAmesd rble * WHY WE LAUGH. A bad beaded man says his hair remlnds him ofa fool and his money. It makes very little diLfreres what the weather may be Ia other peats of the coma tr. in April sad May, they alway have Ba t Springs In Arkansas. The rector (to Irish plasterer)-"That mortar must have been very bad." Pat (with a grin)-"Falx, ye ean't explct the likes o' good Roman cimint to stick to a Protestant church, sor "-Puack. Examiner-Well, sir, we will now sup. pose that you have been called in to attend a patient who has taken a powerful dose of arsenie. What would you advise giving him? M. D. (in embryo)-The last sacraments, sir. "Don't you think I have a good face for the stage?" asked a young lady with histri onic aspirations. "I don't know about the stage," replied her gallant companion, "but you have a lovely face for a 'bus!"-N. Y. It is stated, probably in Jest, that Gustave Dore has bought a villa on the outskirts of Paris, and has written up over the entrance the musical notation, "Do, Mi, Si, La, Do, lie." This, being properly interpreted, is "Domicile a Dore." "What's that you're playing?" said a New Haven man to his daughter, who was pounding at the piano keyboard with more noise than skill. "It is Wagnerian, pa; that's the music of the future." "Oh, it is, is it? Let it be a long time in the future before I hear any more of it. Play me 'Comn' Through the Rye.'" "Oh, pa, ain't you horrid; always thinking about something to drink." Honors are easy in that family. The Hon. Win. M. Evarts was recently the guest of a friend at dinner, and was asked what part of the turkey he preferred. He replied that it was "quite inconsequential to one of his recognized abstemiousness and supersensitive stomachic nervation whether he be tendered an infinitesimal portion of the opaque nutriment of the nether extremities, the superior fraction of a pinion, or a snow cleavage from the cardiac region." He got it. The new reporter was sent to the school exhibition; his report read pretty well; but there were a few things in it which did not meet the approval of the local editor; such, for instance, as these: "The young ladies showed that they had thoroughly rehearsed their parts until they were letter perfect;" "the essays of the graduating class were good, whoever wrote them;" "the floral offerings were excessive, and from the number received by Miss Simplegush we judge her father owns a first-class greenhouse;" "the young lady who read the valedictory to the teachers has in her the making of a one-act actress. She simulated sorrow so accurately that the writer might have been mistaken had he not subsequently heard the young lady speak of this same 'dear teacher' as 'a hateful old thing.' "-Boston Transcript. "Julia" wants to know "what a party platform is?" Well, a platform, Julia, is one preamble and twenty resolutions, strong in nonessentials, vague in essentials; round the bush on tariff, and rough as thunder on the Mormons; clamoring for civil service reform; down on corruption, loud in its praise of pity, and determined to have it if it takes every cent the party can raise. The platform, you understand, Julia, is a legitimate and necessary part of the campaign pomp and circumstance; it goes along with the banners, transparencies and torches, and when the campaign is over, well, it is stored away in the cellar or garret, along with the rest of the uniforms and torches. A campaign platform is very much like a campaign torch, indeed; it gives out a great deal Of smell and smoke with very uncertain, flickering light. -Hawkeye. The Lemonade. Free Press. After the circus had opened to the public yesterday, a gray-haired colored brother, who held the hand of a boy of fourteen as both stood gazing at the tent, shook his head in a solemn manner and said: "It's no use to cry 'bout it, sonny, because we are not going in there, no how." "But I want to," whined the boy. "In course you do. All children of your age run to evil and wickedness, and they must be set down on by dose wed'sperience," observed the old man. "You used to go," urged the boy. "Sartin I did; but what was the result? I had such a load on my conscience that I did not sleep nights. I came powerful nigh being in a lost man and in the days the price of admission was only a quarter, too." "Can't we both get in for my cents?" Inquired the boy. "I expect we might; but tomorrow you'd be living over with wickedness and I'd be a backslipper from the church. Bush up, now, because I ain't got but thirty cents, and there am no show for crying under the canvas, that I can see." The boy still continued to cry, and the old man pulled him behind a wagon and continued. "Henry Clay Scott, which had you rather do-go into the ireus and take the fullest liking of a boy ever get, or have a glass of that red lemonade and go to heaven when you die? Before you decide, let me explain that I mean a licking that will take every inch of the hide off, and I also assume one of the big glasses of lemonade. In addition, I would observe that a ares a going on in heaven all the time, and as poles bear such a simple nominal. Now, mark, what do you use?" The boy took the lemonade, but he drank it with tears in his eyes. RUSSIAN LAWS ON JEWS. Some Very Hardly Used by the Jews. The Emperor is pleased to see these samples of Jews: I. We had the k a. eel side of the cities a el Ar iliijgs. Jewish rule. A WITRINING POOL. Two Chicago Lovers Come to an Amicable Agreement. Chicago Tribune. "Is it not beautiful, sweetheart?" As Lilian McGuire spoke these words she looked into Rupert Hetherington's face with her star. By eye, and as the light of holy love shot forth from within their dusky depths, he felt instinctively that she was going to bol him up for some ice cream. But conquering the somber reactions that the ghastly thought called up, the young man placed his arm around Lilian's waist to prevent her red sash from being sunstruck, and waited in the tense agony of a horrible suspicion for her to speak again. "Do you not think it is lovely, darling?" asked Rupert, with an ingenuous, Owl-Club expression on the perfect features of his West-side hoe. "Why, the morning, to be sure," replied the girl, a sunny, six-button smile playing lightly around her lip, as if afraid it might fall in. "The twittering of the birds, those silver-throated harbingers of summer, is to be heard on every branch and bough. The air is laden with the delicate perfume of lilac and apple-blossoms, while the dew-kused leaves of yon sturdy maple reflect a little of the crimson and gold of the rising sun. Spring has been a sad laggard, but now that she has come in all her glory of bud and blossom, what can be more beautiful?" "I cannot tell you," replied Rupert. "You are far too slow for me, dearest, when such matters are to be discussed. But in the dreamy, sensuous days of autumn, when the tasseled corn hangs ripe in the sheaves, and the leaves have felt the blighting touch of the Frost King's icy breath, I am more liable to get there. Mine, as you know, is a sensitive, Sedgwick-street nature that shrinks from contact with a cold and cruel world. To me, the spring has naught of joy. The low, mellow notes of the new milch cow, chasing a butcher's wagon in which her offspring uneasily reclines, seems to me like the wail of a lost ap, and weird fancies crowd my brain as I hear at midnight the mournful hoot of the owl, flitting like some evil spirit amid the desolate precincts of the village churchyard." It is your liver, darling," murmured Lilian. "I sometimes think so," was the reply. "Ever and anon the thought comes o'er me like a black demon of the night that I am of my feed. But it cannot, must not be. Yet in the autumn all is changed. The soft meadows of the pumpkin pie fall gratefully on my eye, and all nature, laughing in the fruitage of an abundant harvest, seems joyful and free from care. It is to tell you this that I have come around so early this morning to tell you that in the months that are to come, the scorching days of midsummer, when the sun, hanging like a ball of molten brass in the sky, will send down its rays in pitiless fury, you had better get another fellow-one who will love you dearly as I have done, and whose memory you can ever cherish with gentle tenderness." "But whom shall I get?" asked the girl in agonized tones. "I have thought of this, sweetheart," Rupert replied. "You can do no better than take George W. Thompson. He loves you dearly. I know it because he has often told me that he doesn't, and George cannot tell the truth." "I will do as you say," said the girl choking back a sob. "And now goodbye." "So long," said Rupert, kissing her as he spoke. The girl threw her arms around his neck, kissed him and went into the house. Rupert walked around the corner, where he met George Simpson. "Did you do it?" asked George. "Yes." "Which do I get, winter or summer "' "Summer." "'You are in luck, as usual, old boy. They tell me she can beat the record eating Ice cream." "Yes," said Rupert, "but think of the oysters !" "True," replied George; "I had forgotten the oysters." A l'ARPETUAL MOTION. The Nearest Appreash to the oSeltion of the Long-Se.ght P'reoes. NYe York Mail. There is now on exhibition in a small apartment in Chambers street the nearest approach to perpetuahmaoton ever devised. The contrivanoe consists of two wheels, near ly concentric, which are rotated by means of nine four pound balls, wbhih ran in the grooved redU of the wheel. When the me. cle fs .at rest four of the bal.s are plaeed in the groove of each of the. wbeeeone to each of four grooves; there are seven In all. To give motion to the machbse a nith bll Ia placed la a vaeantgroove. 'The U.rl$.. um bepg disturberkd, the st whel begiawt evolve, and the mopment of the am, whleh y cogged with thbsal of the oetbr, ses that i motion. Oa sete a esatesm point the odd ball, Sned oet "Alsom g MsI at onm th a theser of a whel to the m1q iphu ,ase, Wl aamgh aq eg a , te a ge.ve .e.e..tamu t. to wheel sad #p . aes t-iel t mlos. e mo Ir lsh 'el, the lsn paet Ami Ithu4saelnSn4W asI$ up by le0 hpmq z Ae d"h h nme;ts bl wsvwoetathpph mc bdt en eet;;ied n :de*4el ps me Asse slmpl gipritti es (p g igtfite; $ 1,att earst u i theu pesbat Ibte* 1. ' ijdlti '11·1 )iýf StgSh.w Ntwsa*S , .......... "".. .... ...... ". uuwaw uarA amasLeuw. t... -. .............................. Paner ewimares @ the prenal for auod sut Naiir us to -w ra a to beg Womeinp o thable p llr ol r no f ýMer l t o tbern the sapser.crw t Odhrlsl aoned balue s ocming I an on children's bato. e d lcb t Pearl l raments at the pres t time are ledenlby, popul l ered on naew balbriggan hoe s.ll EVE-ANGELICAL. Newbat blae e rowns e e bocover wit OldNew capes mated g the com e n are n. oen on the shouldere and ent space ull o the mode. Women of fLublon display little or no jew. elry on the street. Silk pompons and long streamer are liked on children's hats. Pearl ornments the present time are exceedingly poular. Rosbudsi in tiny patteor come embroidered on new balbriggan hose. Some-ofo( the dddli i lightest off rw bits have to crowns entirely covered with velvet, New capes matching the costume are cut open on the shoulder and the space filled In with ribbons. The new lisle thread and silk gloves and mitts have long stocking-woven wrists, and come in all color s so dear to the esthetes. The word "daughter," common to all Indo European language, means a milker, sad bears witness to the early taming of the cow. A woman in Laurenceville, Quebec, seventy years old, recently gave birth to a child, who bids fair to live to comfort its parents in their declining years. Joyous Husband: "Here, my dear, my portrait has just come home from the artist's; you shall see how faithful it is." Wife (dryly): "Then it does not resemble the original." Ribbon neckties are in vogue. These are of an inch and a half to three inches wide and pass around the neck outside the collar and inside the dress, tying in front with long loops and ends. Black will be very fashionably worn all summer, handsome toilets of silk, satin, or grenadine being profusely trimmed with jet bands, special ornaments, and jetted laces, or relieved by a bright color, as preferred. Beautiful wash costumes are made of the light-colored-crepe batiste, or snow white muslin, the skirt being trimmed with embroidered flounces and kilting, and the waist with embroidered bands and narrow flounces to match. Attractive advertisement: "An intelligent, neat, orderly American woman, who has partially lost her voice and speaks in a whisper, desires a situation to take care of china, dust, furniture, and do the lighter work of a family."--Worcester's Journal. Mrs. Priscilla Goodwry, a granddaughter of ex-President John Tyler, living very successful reading into the Southern, says she is the granddaughter on her mother's side of. The actor Cooper, who was the victim of MoOreedy. An utterly too young married lady with a still tooer husband, living in one of the best on the day, worked a moment with the inscription: "God Bless Our Plat." And a neighbor to whom it was shown had the hardihood to ask her whether she referred to her residence or her husband. Most of the thoughts of the men. 