Ferguson, of Troy; a farce comedy in three acts
»°-*, 55' - . • >-o^ ^oK ..'^' '^6" 1 o ^n. ^b '^. oK /'^ "' ■< '^0^ * o « o ' -^^ ...5^, ^^ J ^^^ ^':^^^% *o no' r^V^^ii&V/' ^^<i- ,^^'"^. ^0. 'fi§f.\^^^\ A <. .'1 ^■ ^^-y :^ ^^y J <y .V ■4- <p '■'^^.,^.V "^v .V-' v!^C^. "^ ,c^\*:^<.^ '-.^^.^Ir^^X ^c^'.^-;--^^ .-^ c-. ^^>«^.v >v ^°r.. .^" Ferguson, of Troy A Farce Comedy in Three Acts By BERNARD FRANCIS MOORE Author of " The Rough Rider" " Brother Against Brother" " The IVrecher's Daughter" " The Man from Texas" etc. 1 • . _x ;^ BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO 1900 1 ?5 7i.^7J] .M35F^ Ferguson, of Troy CHARACTERS Walter Hawley, an elder i?i the Reformed Church. Tom Ferguson, M.D., and a red-hot sport from Troy, N. Y. Charley Marshall, a young man in love with Suzette. LiONELL Fairfield, a crank that lives next door. Mike Murphy, one of the finest iii hard luck. Ellen Hawley, the elder' s wife and Tom' s sister. Belinda Ferguson, Tom's wife and Walter's sister. Suzette Hawley, the elder's niece. Johanna Mulrooney, the queen of the kitchen. Act I. — Morning, "Trouble." Act II. — Noon, " More trouble. " Act III. — Evening, " Sunshine." Time. — The Present. Place. — Drawing-room in the home of Walter Hawley. COSTUMES MODERN. ^7€ytli Library of Congre»^3 Two Copies Received | NOV 19 1900 I ^. Copyright (mtry SEfOND fApf^oPYRiGHT, 1900, BY Walter H, Baker & Co. Oelivwod to ORDER DIVISION NOV 27 1900 Ferguson, of Troy ACT I SCENE. — A plain interior ; doors r. andi.. ; large double door c. ; doivn L. fireplace hut no fire ; opposite fireplace sofa ; dotvn R. table and two chairs ; statue on pedestal oti each side of door c. ;* carpet down ; rugs before entrance of three doors ; velvet curtains for door c. looped back zuith blue rib- bons ; up R. c. is a large screen ; over mantel are a number of pictures and other bric-a-brac ; other furniture around room. Music at rise. Johanna is dusting table as the cur- tain rises ; her sleeves are rolled up and her skirt tucked up around her waist. Johanna {singing~). " All around me hat I will wear a green willow, All around me hat for a twelvemonth an' a day ; An' ef any wan shall ask me the rason why I wear it, I will tell thim me thrue love is far, far away." Walter runs in from l. Walter {his vest is unbuttoned, and his tie and one side of his collar are open'). Johanna, stop that infernal singing ! {He speaks very crossly as he looks around room.) JOH. (meekly). Yis, sur. {Aside.) I wonder what ails him now ? Wal. What time is it ? {He buttons his collar and fixes his tie.) JOH. A little afther sivin, sur. Wal. Seven o'clock? Great heavens ! Any of the family up yet? {Bes;ins to button his vest.) JOH. {aside). I won't tell him the missus didn 't come 3 home 4 FERGUSON, OF TROY. herself till afther six o'clock. (^Aloud.) Thim's all aslape as yet, sur. Wal. {aside). Thank heaven for that ! {Aloud.) That will do ! You may leave the room now. JOH. But the dustin', sur. Wal. Oh, damn the dusting. You may finish the dusting some other time. And Johanna. JOH. Yis, sur. Wal. {looks around and the?i speaks in a cautious whisper). Above all things don't tell any one the time I came home this morning ! Do you hear me, Johanna ? Tell no one ! JOH. Not aven yer wife, sur ! Wal. {angrily). No, you infernal idiot ! I don't want my wife to hear of it all ! And if I hear you telling it to any one, after what I have just said, you can prepare to hunt another place. Now leave the room. JoH. Yis, sur. \_Exit c. Wal. {silling doivn on sofa with a sigh of relief). At last I am alone. Once more beneath the shelter of my own roof! Now to collect my thoughts. What if my wife should hear of last night's escapade. I should be ruined ! Such a loving, trusting nature as she has too ! It's a burning shame, that's what it is. A woman without a secret. A life like an open book. She doesn't even know I have a sister living in Troy, New York. A woman with a soul as pure as an angel's. While I am nothing but a scoundrel. The idea of Walter Hawley, elder of the Reformed Church, a spectator of a chicken fight in a dirty barn at midnight ! It's awful ! And to think the place should be raided by the police. Horrible ! And to think that since the hour of one, I have been hiding from the police. Every time I saw the flash of a star, I would dodge into some alley, and after running all over town, I finally managed to reach my own home at seven o'clock in the morn- ing. And all this time my poor loving wife was sleeping on, unconscious of the fool I was making of myself. And that man that was sitting next to me. The fellow that called him- self Ferguson. That fellow was certainly a warm member. But there, the Lord forgive me ! I am talking slang again ! SuzETTE enlers from r. SuzETTE {ill surprise). Why, uncle, are you up already ? Wal. {J7imping up at sound of her voice, looks around and FERGUSON, OF TROY. 5 theti sits dotvn agaiji). Oh, yes, hours ago ! {Quickly.) No, no, child. I mean one hour ago. Suz. {aside). How strange he talks. {Aloud.) Why, uncle, I don't believe you have closed your eyes during the night ! {Staiids at back of sofa looking at him.) I am afraid you are not well, uncle. Shall I send for Dr. Ferguson ? ^V'AL. {aside). Ferguson again ! {Aloud.) Ferguson, Ferguson ? And who in the name of heaven is Dr. Ferguson ? Suz. Why, uncle, he is a physician, and just opened up his office for business yesterday. I saw the sign in the window and over the door. Shall I send for him, uncle ? I am sure you are badly in need of his help. Wal. {getting up a7id speakitig sternly). Suzette, how dare you say I am sick? I am well ! Never felt better in all my life ! Had a fine night's rest. Never slept better since I was an infant in my mother's arms ! {Aside.) I'll bet the police will be here for me inside of an hour ! Suz. Uncle, do you know where Hogan's barn is ? Wal. {startled). What, Suzette? {Angrily.) How dare you accuse me of being there ! How dare you, I say ? Suz. {in surprise). Why, uncle, 1 never said you were there ! I merely asked you if you knew where the place was. Wal. What put such an idea in your head ? What should I know of Hogan's barn? Girl, what do you know about this place ? Confess all ! You must have heard some one mention the place, or you would not ask me such a question. Suz. Why, uncle, I never heard of the place until a short time ago. Wal. And then some one told you, of course. {Aside.) Oh, Lord, I can see my disgrace being published all over the city. Suz. {shaking her head quickly). You are quite wrong, uncle. The way I came to hear about the place is from this morning's paper ! W'AL. The paper, Suzette ? {Aside.) What if they should have my name in the paper? {Aloud.) What had the paper to say about the place, Suzette ? Suz. The paper mentions about a chicken fight being held in the barn last night, and during the contest, the place was raided by the police. Then follows, I believe, the names of those present in the barn at the time of thie raid ! Wal. {in a zvhisper as he looks arojind room). Names, Suzette? {Aside.) It's all up with me now ! I can see my- 6 FERGUSON, OF TROY. self locked in a cell peeking through the bars. (Aloud.) Girl, did you know any of the names ? Suz. {shaking her head). I didn't read any of them, uncle. Wal. Where is the paper ? Suz. I left it in the kitchen with Johanna. (He walks toward door Q.) Where are you going, uncle, in such a great hurry ? Wal. To find the paper and read the names of those present at the disgraceful scene. As an elder of the Reformed Church, it is my duty to put a stop to such evils. (Aside.) I can feel myself in trouble already. (Aloud. ) You remain here, Suzette, and attend to your aunt when she gets up. Now to get the paper, and then for my crusade against this brutal sport. \^Exit c. quickly. Suz. Mercy on me, what does it all mean ? Is my uncle going crazy? I never remember him to have acted like that before, in all my life. Something is wrong somewhere. And then why should he have been so excited when I spoke about Hogan's barn ? Well, I am afraid I will have to give it up. I am afraid there is some mystery here that needs solving very badly. Charley enters from c. Charley. Good-morning, Suzette, my darling ! Suz. (at sound of his voice she looks around in surprise). Oh, Charley, how dare you come here, when you know uncle forbade you entering the door of this house again? Char, (laughing). I know he did, Suzette ! (Both sit on sofa.) But then you see I didn't enter this house through any door this time. Suz. Why, Charley, what do you mean ? Char. I mean that, burglar like, I entered through one of the basement windows. I knew there was no use in going to the front door and ringing the bell, as Johanna had received instructions from your uncle not to let me in. Suz. I am afraid if uncle found you here now, Charley, he would hand you over to the police. Char. Oh, I don't know about that ! Suzette, was your uncle in the house all of last night ? Suz. Why, of course he was. Where should he be? Char. But are you quite sure he was ? Suz. Why, yes, Charley. He told me so himself, less than FERGUSON, OF TROY. 7 ten minutes ago. But what does it all mean ? I believe my poor uncle is going crazy. Char. Heavens ! No ! What are his symptoms ? Suz. Why, when I came into this room a short time ago, I found my uncle here and he seemed dreadfully excited. I spoke to him and he answered me in a rambling manner. Suddenly I asked him if he knew where Hogan's barn was. Char, (eagerly). And how did he act then ? Suz. He jumped up and behaved in a most extraordi- nary manner. He wanted to know how I dared accuse him of being there. Char. {laughing). And did you, Suzette? Suz. Why, no ! I merely asked him if he knew where the place was. Finally he calmed down and wanted to know what I knew about Hogan's barn, chicken fights, police raids and so on. Char. And how did he act then ? Suz. Worse than before ! Char, (aside). I was right then. It was he I met last night. (Aloud.) And where is dear, saintly uncle now, Suzette ? Suz. Gone to the kitchen in search of the i)aper. (Anx- iously.) But tell me, Charley, dear, what does it all mean? Char. It means that when I come back, I am going to be admitted through the front door. And, furthermore, I am going to ask your hand from your uncle, and he won't dare to refuse me. I have the saintly gentleman just where I want him at last. Suz. (sternly). Charley Marshall, are you going crazy too ? Char. Not at all, Suzette. (He places arm around her waist and kisses her.) You will know all in time. ( Walks toiuard door c.) Suz. Where are you going now, Charley? Char. I am going to procure a marriage license. And once armed with that important document, I am going to re- turn to this house and tackle dear uncle for his consent. So for the present, Suzette, be a good little girl until I return. {^Exit c. Suz. (lookifig after him). AVell, I hope you will be success- ful. There is some deep, dark mystery in all this, and my uncle is mixed up in it. I trust it's nothing serious. O FERGUSON, OF TROY. Ellen ejiters from R. Ellen {seeing Suzette and speaking quickly as she looks around). Child, have you seen your uncle this morning yet? Suz. Why, yes, auntie, he just left me to go to the kitchen and get the morning paper from Johanna. Ellen {aside). Merciful heavens ! if my husband ever reads the paper I am lo^t. He must not read it ! (Aloud.) Suzette, go this very instant and bring the paper to me. Suz. But he may not wish to give it up, auntie. Ellen (sternly). But he must, I say ! The happiness of this house depends on my securing possession of the paper. Go, Suzette, go before it is too late ! (Aside. ) It may be too late already. Oh, why didn't I think of the paper myself ! Suz. Very well, auntie, I will do the best I can to preserve the happiness of this house. \^Exit c. Ellen (looking around and speaking wildly). Oh ! why was I tempted to go to that masquerade ball last night ? What if the papers should contain a list of tlie names of those pres- ent ! It was an unfortunate thing for me that my mask slipped off when it did. I am sure that more than one of those pres- ent knew and recognized me. And the idea of deceiving my poor loving husband. Poor Walter, to spend the entire night like a ministering angel of mercy, beside the bed of a sick friend. If he should read the paper I would be disgraced for life ! My only hope is to secure possession of the paper and then destroy it. (Wildly clasping her hands.) Oh, will Suzette be successful ? Suzette runs in from c. Suz. Uncle has carried the paper up to his study with him, auntie ! Johanna has just told me so ! Ellen (rising). Suzette, we must secure that paper at once. (Taking her by the hand.) Come, child. Suz. Yes, auntie. \_Exeunt l. Johanna enters frojn c. JoH. (carrying a duster). Well, sur, the paper do be in great demand this mornin' entirely. I wonder what is all the news about? (Begins to dust table.) Shure Ireland must be free, or somethin' like that, to make thim all so anxious to get hould av the paper. Be heavens, I'm gittin' anxious to read FERGUSON, OF TROY. 9 the paper meself. An' that just reminds me. The family nixt dure sint in wurd if the crazy man that thinks himself a poet should stray into the house, to pay no attention to him, but to humor him as if he was perfectly harmless. Faith, I'll humor him with an ax if he gits funny with me, so I will. Lion ELL enters from c. Lion. (Jiis face is very pale and he wears his hair long). Ah, fair creature, pause for an instant, and listen to the plead- ings of my heart. JoH. (^looking around ; aside). Sufferin' Shamrocks ! the lunatic from nixt dure ! {Aloud. ) Good-day, sur. Lion. Ah, yes, sure enough, it's, day — morning. And such a beautiful morn ! {Taking her by the hand.) But come, fair creature, and let us sit on yonder cliff, {points to sofa), and enjoy the beauties of the morn ! JOH. {aside). Where the divil is the cliff? {Aloud.) With all me heart an' soul, sur. Lion. Come, then, fair creature. {Both sit on sofa.) Are not these cliffs reminiscent of dear old England ? JOH. They are that same. {Aside.) Divil the wan av me knows what the man is talkin' about, at all ! Lion, {placing hand to ear and listeni?tg). Listen— listen, fair creature, I say, hear you not the song of the little birds in the tree yonder, as they flit from bough to bough ? JOH. {aside). Shu re he sees birds now. I wonder what will it be nixt ? {Aloud.) Shure I think they must be canary birds from the feathers they wear. Lion. Yes, fair creature, they are canary birds. But see the beautiful river at our feet. {Points to ground.) Seethe white wings of the vessels, as they glide gently down the stream. Is the scene not a magnificent one? JOH. It certainly do be a very beautiful picture ! {Aside.) I must humor this gintleman, or there might be throuble in shtore for me. Oh, if Moike were only here ! Lion. But, fair creature, shall I sing to thee ? JoH. {quickly). Oh, yes, sing be all means! {Aloud.) Some wan may hear him an' come to me riscue. Lion, {thoughtfully). But stay. I will not sing now. JoH. {aside). If I could only place me hand convaniently on an ax ! {Aloud.) What shall we do thin ! {Aside.) I'm gittin' as bad as he is ! Lion, {quickly). Ah, an idea has just struck me ! 10 FERGUSON, OF TROY. JOH. (aside). I wish to heaven it was a fist ! {Aloud.') So ye were teUin' me, sur. Lion. Silence, and I shall unfold to thee a scheme ! On the banks of yon stream in the heart of the mountain is my castle. I shall fly away with tliee, peerless creature, and to- gether we shall enjoy the moonlight from the balcony of my castle ! JoH. {aside). Now it's moonlight an' castles? Somethin' is goin' to happen in a minute. {Aloud.) An' where is yer boat, sur? Lion. Boat, fair creature? I scorn the use of a boat ! I shall carry thee away with me in my airship ! {Juvipin;^ uj . ) So, fair creature, meet me in one hour from now at the window of the turret chamber of this mansion, and together we shall fly through space to my castle in the heart of the mountains. So farewell, fair creature, for the present. I go now to prepare my airship for the journey. [^Exit c. slowly and majestically. JOH. {slowly rising and looking after him). Weil, be the time ye git back wid the airship, I'll be in the kitchen wid me hand on a flatiron waitin' fer ye, me darlin'. But thin shure he's not the only crazy man in the wurld I'm thinkin'. There's wan or two in this house as shure as me name's Johanna. {Begins to dust chairs again.) Walter enters from c. Wal. {he carries a pa fer in his hand). So you are here again, are you? JoH. {nodding). Yis, sur. Is there any thin' I can do fer ye, sur ? Wal. {crossly). Yes, leave the room ! JOH. {twirling the duster over her shoulder). Very well, sur. \She exits c. sloivly. Wal. {looking cautiously around before he sits dotvn on sofa). At last I have the paj^er in my possession ! Now to read about last night's escapade v/hile I have the chance ! {Looks over paper.) Ah, here we have it ! {Reads aloud.) "Last night, about twelve o'clock, or a litde later, a (juiet tip was given to the police about a chicken fight about to take place in a notorious resort named Hogan's barn, and situated in one of the worst jiarts of the town. When the police arrived the place was well filled, and a fight between two game cocks in progress. The sudden arrival of the police caused a stampede FERGUSON, OF TROY. It among those present ! A free for all fight then took place ! One man who looked and dressed like a minister of the church went flying through a small window in one side of the building. In trying to make a prisoner of him policeman Murphy received the heel of one of his shoes in the face, and he now has a most beautiful black eye. All managed to escape, and thus the names of those present could not be learned." {^Letting the paper fall and uttering a sigh of relief .') Thank heaven for that ! I am safe for the present ! 1 wonder who policeman Murphy is ? I am sorry for the kick in the eye, but then I had to make my escape or face an awful scandal ! A black eye will wear away in time, but the talk of a scandal never ! Charley enters from c. Char. Good-morning, Mr. Hawley ! Wal. i^fumpin^ up atid looking around ; then speaking angrily). How dare you come to this house ? How dare you, I say? What do you want? Didn't I close my door against you ? Char, (jtodding). I know you did ; but I am here just the same. Wal. (i7?igrily). You — you — young scoundrel ! Char. Oh, keep cool ! There is no use of getting excited ! I am not going to run away. I'm here to talk business. (^He sits 071 edge of table. ) Wal. {angrily'). Leave the place before I send for the police and have you locked up ! Char, (^quietly). Speaking of police, do you know an officer by the name of Murphy, who has a most beautiful black eye ? Wal. (falling back on the sofa ; then aside). I wonder what does he mean by that? (Aloud.) What do you mean, you young reprobate ? Char, (coolly). Just what I say. Did you ever hear of a place called Hogan's barn ? Wal. (aside). I must be careful. (Aloud.) Did you ever hear of the place, young man ? Char, (^nodding). Yes, I was there at a chicken fight last night ! Wal. (aside). I wonder if he saw me there? (Aloud.) And what brings you here this morning ? Char. I came here to ask you to allow me to marry Suzette. 12 FERGUSON, OF TROY. I have the license in my pocket, and as you are an elder of the Reformed Church you can perform the ceremony. Wal. (aside). Now to see liow far a bluff will go with this young man. (^Aloiid. ) How dare you ask the hand of my niece in marriage? (Jumping up and shaking his fist at him.') How dare you, I say? (Angrily.) You — you — spectator of a chicken fight at midnight ! No, sir ! You are not good enough for my niece ! Do you think I would allow Suzette to marry a spectator of a chicken fight? Decidedly not, sir! (Aside.) He don't seem to be weakening any. Char. Well, don't you think she would be just as safe with me as she is with an uncle who is a spectator of a chicken fight, and likewise an elder in the Reformed Church ? Wal. (angrily). Do you mean to accuse me of being pres- ent at that disgraceful scene,? Char, (iiodding). I most certainly do. Wal. (sternly). Young man, I'll iBake you prove what you say ! Char, (^gettitig off table). Very well, sir, I will any time you want me. Wal. (aside). The bluff won't work ! I'll have to con- ciliate him. (Aloud.) Young man, why are you so sure I was there ? Char, (laughing). Because when you went flying through the window, and while the officer was feeling his eyes, I was the next one to follow you. Wal. (aside). The game is up ! (Aloud.) And what if I refuse to give my consent to the match ? Char. Then, by jingo ! I'll tell your wife all about last night's racket ! Wal. (quickly). Heavens ! anything but that ! You can marry the girl, my boy, on one condition. Char. Well, Mr. Hawley. Wal. Charley, my boy, I know you are a splendid liar ! And in case of any trouble I want you to help me out ! Char. I will do the best I can, sir. Wal. (shaking him by the hand). That will be sufficient, young man. And now I will call Suzette and tell her the joyful news. (Calls.) Suzette, oh, Suzette! Suzette enters from l. Suz. Did you call me, uncle? (Aside.) I wonder has Charley been as successful as he thought he would be. FERGUSON, OF TROY. I3 Wal. This young man and myself have come to a peaceful understanding concerning you. He has asked your hand in marriage. Suz. Oh, uncle ! Wal. And before I give my consent, I want to find out if you are willing to take him for better or worse ? Suz. {JwJding doiun her head). Oh, uncle, you know I am ! Wal. {^^iviug her right hand to Charley.) Then take her, my boy, and be happy ! You can get married just as soon as you please. Char. Mr. Hawley, you are a gentleman. Suz. {throiving her ari7is around V<! awkr' s neck and kiss- ing hini). Oh, uncle, you are an old darling ! Wal. {to Charley). Young man, don't forget your promise. Char. I shan't, I assure you. Come, Suzette. \_Both exit L. Wal. {picking up the paper from the floor and holding it in his hand). I wonder how many in that infernal place knew me last night. If this keeps up much longer I'll be wearing stripes before- sunset. I certainly must have made a most dis- tinguished ass of myself last night and no mistake. But I trust, with the help of Charley, to lie my way out of the scrape as best I can. {Sits on sofa.) Johanna enters from c. JOH. A gintleman to see ye, sur. Wal. {looking around in surprise). A gentleman to see me ? Joh. {nodding). Yis, sur. Wal. Who is he ? Joh. Shure, an' I dunno, sur. Wal. Didn't he give his name? Joh. {shaking her head). No, sur. Wal. Then tell him to come here. You need not bring him here yourself. Do you understand me, Johanna? Joh. Yis, sur, I do ! \_Exit c. Wal. {Jumping up and walking up and dozvn room ex- citedly). I'll bet the man at the door is the sheriff, and he was afraid to tell his name to Johanna, for fear of not being able to arrest me. {Throwing paper on table). Well, if I am to be made a prisoner of, no servant will have the happiness of 14 FERGUSON, OF TROY. gloating over my misery. In fact, I am prepared for any- thing that may happen from this time out. I am growing desperate ! Tom enters from c. Tom {laughing). Well, old sport, so we meet again, do we? Wal. How dare you come here", sir ? How dare you, I say? What do you want? What is the object of your visit? Tom (aside). He hasn't found out I am his brother-in-law yet. {Aloud.) Go easy, old sport ! {Throws himself on sofa.) One question at a time, if you please, and no more. Wal. {sinking in chair at table ; aside). I wonder, are the police after him too? {Aloud, as he looks around cautiously.) Well, then, what brings you here? Tom {aside). I'll have some fun with him. {Aloud, as he looks around, and then in a whisper.) I came to warn you of danger before it's too late. To put you on your guard. Wal. {in a trembling voice). What do you mean, sir ? I have committed no crime ! Why should you wish to warn me? Tom {rising and crossing to table). Do yoii forget last night and the chicken fight in Hogan's barn? Wal. {looking around, and then in a whisper). Not so loud ! Some one might hear you, and in that case 1 should be a ruined man ! Tom. And why ruined ? Wal. In the first place, I don't want my wife to hear about it at all. And in the second place, I am an elder in the Re- formed Church, and once the people of my flock hear about my escapade I would be driven from the fold in disgrace. It was an evil minute for me when I listened to the voice of the tempter, and went to that den of iniquity ! Tom {enthusiastically). Hogan's barn may be a den of in- iquity, but just the same, you would have seen a glorious fight, if the police hadn't arrived when they did. Wal. {quickly). And that red rooster certainly was a hum- mer when he came to use his spurs on the other fellow's neck ! Tom {slapping him oti the back). Say now, old fellow, you are talking like a red-hot sport from Memphis. It certainly was most unfortunate the police arrived when they did. Wal. {slowly). Yes, most unfortunate for me, I must say. Tom. How is that ? Wal. You forget that some policeman by the name of FERGUSON, OF TROY. I 5 Murphy received the heel of one of my shoes in the eye, when I went flying through that infernal window ! Tom (ciside). 'i'he funniest thing I ever saw in all my life. {Aloud.) And that is just why I am here now. Ever since the raid on the barn last night, I have been trying to escape from the police. I was sure I had them thrown off the track and started for home. Just as I reached the corner of the next street, I came face to face with a policeman who had a most beautiful black eye ! Wal. I'll bet it was Murphy ! Tom (aside). I'm getting to be an awful liar. {Aloud.) I guess it was Murphy, all right ! But how did you come to know his name was Murphy? Wal. Read it in the paper this morning. Are you sure he knew you as one of the spectators of the fight last night? Tom. Well,' from the way he started in pursuit of me, he must have thought he was after the man who gave him the kick in the eye. Wal. And what did you do? Tom (aside). Now to lay it on thick. (Aloud.) What did I do, you ask? Wal. (nodding). Yes. To^L I ran ! And strange as it may seem to you, he ran after me. Down one alley and up another he went. First over one fence and then another ! Finally I struck the front of your house. The Irishwoman had the front door open sweeping the hall. I ran in, slammed and bolted the door, and then told the servant I wanted to see you. And so here I am, safe for the present, I hope. Wal. (aside). I can see my finish now ! (Aloud.) And do you think the policeman is on guard in front of the house at the present time ? To.AL I am sure of it ! He is waiting till I come out to make a prisoner of me. Wal. Heavens ! what shall I do? If I am arrested I will be ruined for life ! Is there no way in which I can escape? Tom (aside). I'll smother him in a minute. (Aloud.) I have an idea. And it seems to be your only means of escape at the present time. Wal. Then, for the Lord's sake, tell me at once ! Tom. You must disguise yourself, so that no one will know you. Or until such a time as the trouble has all blown over. Wal. Disguise myself? I, Walter Hawley, elder of the 1 6 FERGUSON, OF TROY. Reformed Church, going around in disguise ! What do you think my wife and friends would say about me? Tom. It is a great deal better to go around in disguise, than to sit in a cell in the police station with your nose pressed against the bars ! Wal. Yes, yes, you are quite right ! Tom. I am glad to see yovi are taking a sensible view of the matter. It's no joke when you go out, to have an officer of the law clap his hand on your shoulder and tell you that you are under arrest for kicking a policeman in the eye. Wal. What kind of a disguise would you advise me to wear? And then how can I explain the mystery to my wife? Tom. Leave all that to me. I'll go down to the kitchen now and give the servant a note to a friend of mine who will furnish us all the disguises we need. I won't be gone only a few minutes, as my friend lives in the next street. Wal. And see if Murphy with the black eye is still in front of the house. Tom. Trust me for that. \_Exit c. Wal. {looking after him, and then to audience). Only to think that I am compelled to remain hidden in my own house, and forced to adopt a disguise to save myself from being arrested and placed in prison as the result of last night's esca- pade. It's awful, that's what it is, simply awful ! If this rumpus ever gets into the paper, it will be all up with me. How in the name of heaven can I explain this sudden trans- formation to my wife, when she sees me in disguise. She is liable to take me for a burglar and send for the police. Police ? How I hate the infernal name ! All I can do is to trust in Ferguson to get me out of the scrape ! Ellen enters from l. Ellen {crossing to hint). Ah, Walter, ray love, I have been looking for you. {She stoops doivfi a7id kisses him.) Have you the paper, love ? Wal. {aside). I am a scoundrel to betray the love of such a woman. {Aloud, as he picks up the paper from the table and hands it to her.) Yes, my love, I have been reading about the great masquerade ball last night. Ellen {aside). Merciful heavens, I am lost ! {She takes the paper, crosses to sofa and sits down ; alot/d.) Oh, yes indeed, it must have been a great sight. But I am certain it cannot be compared to the excitement that must have ensued FERGUSON, OF TROY. 1 7 when the police raided Hogan's barn at midnight ! (^Looks over tJie paper.') Wal. (^jumping up'). Woman, what do you know about Hogan's barn? (^Crosses to her.) Ellen (^looking up in surprise). Why, nothing, my love, only what Suzette has been telling me. Wal. (aside). I am rapidly making a fool of myself. (Aloud.) Then you know nothing about the place, except what this girl has been telling you? Ellen. Nothing at all, love. But you appear to be fa- tigued ! Did you sit up all night with your sick friend ? Wal. {sitting down in surprise). Sick friend, my dear? What do you mean ? Ellen. Why, Walter, love, you left the house last night with the intention of sitting up with a brother member of your lodge who was dangerously ill. ^VAL. (aside'). I had forgotten all about that gag. (Aloud.) Oh, yes, my love, I spent a most trying night in- deed. But then the poor fellow is much better now. Ellen. I am so glad to hear you say that ! Wal. Oh, yes, he is better off where he is. He died just before I came home this morning. Ellen. Oh, Walter, how sad ! What was the matter with him ? Wal. Oh, my love, he had a most horrible disease. Ellen (in a fright, moving aiuay from him). Oh, Walter, how dreadful. Wal. In fact, the disease is such that the board of health are going to hold an inquest over him to determine what kind of a microbe he had in him when he died. In case the police should call here for me, don't be alarmed, my love, as I will be needed as one of the chief witnesses at the inquest. Ellen. But, Walter, my love, if the man died of a con- tagious fever, you should have burnt your clothes in order to prevent the disease from spreading. I will send for a doctor and have the house fumigated at once. Wal. (quickly). Not at all necessary, my dear ! One of the peculiarities of the disease is, that any one wearing a dis- guise will instantly prevent the disease from spreading ! (Aside.) That's the best lie I've told yet ! Ellen (aside). There is something wrong somewhere. I'll have to keep my eyes open. (Aloud.) And will you have to wear a disguise, my love ? 1 8 FERGUSON, OF TROY. Wal. I certainly will. So now be prepared when you see me roaming around the house in disguise. Ellen. I won't be alarmed, my love. And now, Walter, may I take the paper with me ? Wal. Certainly, my love. Ellen {rising). Oh, thank you, dear ! \^Exit L. Wal. (^lookitig after her and then laughing). As a liar I am getting to be a wonder ! That disguise business for pre- venting the spread of the disease was a brilliant stroke on my part. So that now if I am arrested and in disguise, she won't think anything of it. I do wish Ferguson was back. I'OxM runs infrofn c. Tom (^he carries a small parcel in his hand). Here I am at last, old man ! {Handing him the parcel.) Here is the disguise ; put it on at once. Wal. Shall I assume the disguise here ? Tom. Any old place you like. Wal. Then I will take them up to the library. There is a mirror there and I can see better to dress myself. Tom. Suit yourself. Wal. Are you going to come with me? Tom. Well, if you have no objection, I'd much prefer to remain in this room. Wal. Very well, Ferguson. But do you think you will recognize me, when I return ? Tom (^laughing). I'll take chances on knowing you all right. Wal. Then I'm off. \_Exit c. Tom (looking after him, laughing, and seating himself on the sofa). I can see a bushel of fun in this house before I leave. Still I must try and see my sister Ellen. It will be a big sur- prise to her when she learns I am living only three doors away. I must try and square matters with her about her husband and his disguise. I don't think the police recognized any of us last night, and yet, strange as it may seem, I did see the very policeman my esteemed brother-in-law kicked in the eye last night, in front of this very house less than an hour ago. It may be only a coincidence, or the man may simply be travel- ing the beat. Ellen enters from l. Ellen (^seeing him and the 7i stopping suddenly). I beg your pardon, sir, I did not know my husband had a visitor. FERGUSON, OF TROY. I9 Tom (^lookitii^ around and then jumping up in surprise). A\'hy, Ellen, don't you know me? Or have you forgotten me already ? Ellen {^surprised ; then crossing to hi/n quickly). Why, Tom, my dear brother ! Tom {clasping her in his arms and kissing her fondly). I\Iy darling sister ! Walter enters from c. , sees them and stops suddenly ; he has a red bald wig on his head and a red beard in his hand. Ellen [kissing Tom). Oh, you old darling ! Wal. {looking at them in amazement). WeW, I'm hanged! (Shaking iiis fist at them.) I'll kill Ferguson for this ! (Tom doiijn c. with his arms around Ellen, and facing the audience ; Walter at door c. watching them and shak- ing his fist at them which holds the beard, while with his other hand, he tears the wig from his head.) SLOW CURTAIN. W' ACT II SCENE. — Same as Act I. Music at rise. Walter enters from c. , and looks around ; he is without the disguise. Wal. {doivn c. ). The room is empty! They are gone ! Perhaps eloped! {Sits at table.') What am I to do ? Let me think ! {Striking his forehead.) Think — think — I can't think ! My brain is in a whirl ! The idea of my wife, my Ellen, in the arms of another man ! It's awful — simply awful ! {Jumping up.) And yes, now I come to think of it, they were kissing each other. I see it all now ! The warning was only a subterfuge for that scoundrel to gain an entrance to this house. The disguise he told me to assume was only a blind to have the police call here and cart me off to the lunatic asylum. Once out of his way and he would have clear sail- ing. And the wife of my bosom was a partner in the scheme ! ( Walking up and down room excitedly. ) But I'll be revenged, ha! ha! I'll kill the two of them! I'll show the pair of them what a wronged man can do in the way of avenging his honor ! I ana beginning to feel myself gloating over their misery already ! SuzETTE enters from L. Suz. {looking at him in surprise). ^Vhy, uncle, what's the matter? You seem to be terribly excited ! What has hap- pened, uncle? Wal. Child, the worst thing that could befall a married man has befallen me ! Suz. ^Vhy, uncle, you surprise me ! Wal. Surprised ? I am simply thunderstruck. {Looking around afid then in a cautious whisper.) 'Suzette, has it ever occurred to you that there was a serpent in our midst? Suz. A serpent, uncle ? You mean a snake ! Wal. Not a snake that crawls on the ground, and that warns before they strike. But a serpent that strikes in the dark. Suz. {aside). I wonder is uncle growins.^ crazy ? {Aloud.) Why, uncle, how strange you talk I What does it all mean ? 20 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 21 A\'ai,. It means I am a desperate man, Suzette ! I am a man looking for revenge ! Suz. A^ hy, uncle, I am afraid you are ill. Hadn't you better let me send for Doctor Ferguson ? Wal. [stopping suddenly and looking at her). Doctor Ferguson? Did you say Ferguson ? (^Laughing wildly.) Oh, }'es, send for Ferguson ! When I get through with him, Fergu- son will be living in another world ! Suz. (^looking at him in amazement). Merciful heavens, uncle has a fit ! (^Rinis out L.) Wal. {laughing wildly). Ha ! ha ! Send for Ferguson ! Let him come ! I am ready for him ! I am .a desperate man ! {Thoughtfully.) Am I a desperate man as I think I am, or only a fool? Actually I am getting afraid of myself. Ellen enters from L. Ellen. Walter, my love, can I speak to you for a moment ? Wal. {angrily). How dare you speak to me, woman? I'hank heaven my eyes are open at last ! Ellen. What on earth is the matter with you, Walter? Are you losing what little sense you ever had ? Wal. {aside). Now she is making fun of me. {Aloud.) I tell you it won't work. I know all. But look out for me ! Look out for me ! And, woman, beware of the vengeance of a wronged man ! Ellen (aside). Bless my soul, is the man going mad? {Aloud, sternly.) Walter Hawley, have you been drinking? Wal. Drinking, madam ? FU never drink again until I drink his gore ! Til show the world the way in which a man should avenge his honor ! Tremble, woman, I say ! Ellen. Tremble for what ? Wal. Because I know all ! My eyes have pierced the gloom at last. And I know all, I tell you ! Ellen. You know all, nothing ! You are simply making a fool of yourself. FU have to send for Doctor Ferguson, and have him place you in a straight jacket ! Wal. {wildly). Ferguson again ! Woman, from this time forth you can expect but little mercy from me. I am a desper- ate man, and I am going to kill the man that has wrecked my home ! So in future beware of me ! [_Exit c. Ellen {looking after him). Well, what on earth is the matter with my husband ? I don't remember him to have ^2 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 