The perils of beauty
S/'rfA'/'fC '"//f/ ////</ ) o THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. CAPTAIN CHAMIER, R.N., AUTHOR OP THE LIFE OF A SAILOR," "BEN BRACE," "JACK ADAMS," &c. " Unequal task ! a passion to resign, For hearts so touched, so pierced, so lost, as mine ! Ere such a soul regains its peaceful state, How often must it love— how often hate ! How often hope, despair, resent, regret, Conceal, disdain — do all things but forget /" Pope. IN THREE VOLUMES. VOL. I. LONDON: HENRY COLBURN, PUBLISHER, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET. 1843. LONDON : F. SHOBERL, JUN., 51, RUPERT STREET, HAYMARKET, PRINTER TO H. R. H. PRINCE ALBERT. 8Z3 C 3 5% h V. I l fSs. THE PERILS OP BEAUTY. CHAPTER I. The French have a maxim that Vor fait tout Vlwnneur et bonheur ; and no one was more sincere in his belief of this saying than Mr. Dionysius Mopus. Mr. Mopus had arrived at the enviable age of twenty-four ; was a man of no small per- sonal attractions ; had travelled over much ground at railroad speed, and, by dint of skim- ming with a quick eye over the country, and listening with a quick ear to the remarks of travellers who had not hurried on at the same VOL. I. b 2 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. rate as he had done, he had gained some superficial knowledge ; and, being rather a fluent speaker, he had now become the oracle of a knot of still idler men than himself, who gave themselves only the trouble to remem- ber his " wise saws and modern instances," and who quoted him as an authority too just to be doubted, and too erudite to be confounded. " I aver, again and again," said Mr. Mopus, to his obedient listeners, " that in the advice given by Count Arthur's father, in Eugene Sue's book, there is, in spite of the apparent heartlessness, the best counsel for a young man. I would particularly recommend to you all the passage in which the father urges his son not to make rash promises that he will never forget him : — Mon enfant, he says, (and Mopus was fond of spluttering French) quatre vingt mille limes de rentes ne sont jamais odi- euses ; et la plus a pre doideur se console toujour s. Ne la sais-je pas par moi-memef n'aijepas eprouve ainsi a la mort de mon Pere ; nYprou- verez vous pas ainsi apres moi f " THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 3 " Don't you wish/' said young Mr. Clincher (the son of Admiral Clincher), " that your father would be kind enough to die, merely to see if six thousand a-year, with a splendid place in the country, would console you so much that you would forget the death in the splendid living which might follow ?" " I do not think/' interrupted Mr. Tropho- nins Moggs, a sleepy representation of an unknown sire, " that any thing- could make me forget my father." " Unless," interrupted the Admiral's son, " you took an additional spell of sleep, and turned in so tired that you slept without dreaming : then, of course, you would forget him : and, as that happens fourteen hours out of every twenty-four, your grief would not be intense ; and what between eating, drinking and sleeping, grief would soon wear out, and you would freshen into fatuess." " At any rate," said Mr. Moggs, " I shall have an opportunity of testing my sincerity before you can wear mourning. That old b 2 4 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. father of yours is as bad as the bulwark of the Victory ; and although 1 The bullet and the gout have so knock'd his hull about, That he'll never more be fit for the sea,' he will live long enough to keep you in con- tinued restraint, and to show you that in his house as in his ship he is commanding officer." " Long may he live," said Clincher, with enthusiasm — " long may he live, the pride of the ocean, and terror of France ; and, although this everlasting peace hinders my making any prize-money, he picked up enough for both during the late war; and when he slips his wind, and makes a board to Gravesend reach, I shall try and do as much good as he has done." "I opine," said Mr. Mopus, "that these perspective views are seldom realized ; and as for Moggs's extraordinary assertion relative to the long-lived memory of his father, I would quote this passage as confirmatory of my own views : Mon souvenir ne sera jamais compte THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 5 dans vosjoies, dans vos plaisirs,dans vos pro- jets de chaque jour : enjin je ne paraitrai pas plus dans voire vie jlorissante et vivace, que la poussiere de Varbre qui a vecu son temps et sert d'engrais a ses rejetons. Rien de plus simple, de plus naturel, je vous le repete. My father tells me just the same thing, and one is bound to believe in the authority, since he himself, being about seventy, has long ago forgotten his father, and, what is worse, the continuation of my allowance. But the estate is entailed ; and if I can outlive him, the wealth is as certain as the funds of England. For my own part, I candidly aver that, since death is common to all, and we cannot avoid it any more than we can taxation, I shall bear what is inevitable with becoming fortitude; and whenever the time does come which may rob me of one so dear, I shall, I hope, show a proper degree of Christian resignation, and bow to the storm I cannot control. It is painful, no doubt, particularly distressing, and not unattended by expense ; and more than once I have imagined how much more satis- 6 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. factory it would be to all parties if the old Sicilian law were in force, which allowed sons to dispose of their fathers at the age of fifty." " Hang me/' said Clincher, " if that law does pass, if ever I marry. I have not the least wish to slip my wind at fifty. Why a man must be more than that to be an admiral. But having no children would, of course, ensure a longer life.'' " Not the least," said Mopus ; " the next of kin would summon his relatives, and you would be beaten to death with clubs, unless you preferred an honourable retirement by either the rope, razor, ball, or bathing. There are a thousand more ways by which elderly men might oblige their heirs. But they en- deavour all they can to the contrary. By insuring their lives, and getting good doctors, and keeping themselves free from the cares of life, they hold on (as Clincher would say) to the anchors of existence, and ride out the squall and the gale until they are eighty." " And so will I," said Clincher, " and so will Trophonius Moggs, who is as fast asleep as a THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 7 dormouse in winter. But I know well enough that you, Mopus, would regret the loss of your father as much as any of us, although you would inherit a fortune which would give you more latitude than at present." " Ay, Clincher," said Mopus, " and make me understand longitude, which is only a dif- ference of time. Come, another bottle ; give Moggs a pair of mustachios with a burnt cork; and let us endeavour to forget our present mise- ries in the soothing cigar. Upon my soul, life is mere existence, under present circumstances. It's true one is not compelled to get out of bed at daylight to work, nor to show before the day is aired. It 's also true enough that the house is well provided with servants ; that the governor's cellar is open ; that as far as eating and drinking is concerned nothing can be much better ; that one has horses to ride, and birds to shoot, and nothing to pay. But then there is the dependance — the vile de- pendance. To be sure the governor is not over strict, never interferes with rny parties, cautiously avoids mingling in conversation 8 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. which from his age he cannot understand, and retires, like any other old gentlewoman, to the drawing-room fire whilst I carry on the war." " Surely, my dear Mopus, you do not mean to say that your father's intellects are on the wane ! a finer, straightforward fellow I never saw ; good to a fault, generous to an extreme, and clear in his judgments." " All that, my dear Clincher, is very fine ; but do you not hear him boring us for ever with the ' wisdom of our ancestors?' — as if the world was wiser in its infancy than in its ma- turity. Now apply that personally, and you will find that I must be wiser than he is." " By the poker ! as Paddy swore of old, I should be very sorry to broach such logic to the Admiral ; he would quietly damn me for a mutinous scoundrel, and pack me off to sea in a gun-brig. Let's rouse up Moggs, and put the question to him." " Here, old boy," said Clincher, as he shook the sleepy companion, who awoke with his mustachios ready made, " are you awake ? THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 9 We have a question to be decided. Which is the greatest fool, Mopus or his father ?" "That's very difficult to decide," saidMoggs, as he rubbed half the black over his face ; " but it would stand thus, I think, if duly argued. The father is the greatest fool for allowing his son, who is so unable to guide himself, to go without a nurse. Besides, any man is an idiot who allows the reins of government to slip from his hands, and leave the direction of his affairs to one younger than himself. That 's my opinion ; and now allow me to go to sleep again until you are inclined to join the ladies." ' ' Go to sleep !" said Mopus ; " the opinion of such a sleepy philosopher does not weigh much in the balance. The very idea of a man in these days of independence and clubs talk- ing of going to the ladies ! Come, Clincher, my boy, never mind smelling of smoke ; Alice will look at you with just the same eyes ; and as she is perfume itself — naturally I mean, not artificially-— and you'll find that nature is stronger than art — tobacco will yield to the violet sweetness of her breath. She is pretty, B 5 10 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. lively, agreeable, and clever ; how in the name of Heaven she ever came from such a pack of cross-grained people I cannot divine ; but there is not on this earth a brighter, purer, less affected creature than Alice Rivers." " Gently, gently, Master Mopus ; you are too warm in your admiration, and too pas- sionate in your expression. By Heavens ! you run alongside of the craft, and, not paying attention to her colours, board her in the smoke before you find out she is under convoy of a friend. I quite agree with you as to her charms, and may perhaps wish that you, so Adonis-like in person, so elegant in manner, and captivating in conversation — not to men- tion being the only son of a rich baronet, who was called Mopus, I suppose, from having so many of the Mopusses — would just take a reef in your admiration and double your distance, that's all, my friend. Let's drink her health. Here's Alice Rivers, bless her dear little eyes." " Here's Alice Rivers," said Moggs, jump- ing from his chair, and filling a bumper. " I could sleep for ever whilst you two were talk- THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 1 1 ing ; but when a meteor flashes across my eyes — when a star of such magnitude appears to dazzle us — I am as much alive as any man. Is she coming here to-night ?" " She is in the next room," replied Mopus. " They sleep here, and that I consider a bore of as great a magnitude as your star, inasmuch as I am obliged to pay attention to the crea- tures at breakfast, when I would rather be discussing the good things before me." " I 'm off," said Moggs, " to change my coat, which smells of your havannahs. And as her name has wakened me from my sleep, I swear, by Cupid's bow, I will awake that in her sentiments which shall never sleep !" " Go to the devil !" said Clincher, as Moo-gs shut the door. " You make her love you ! I'll turn you into ridicule, and that is as sure a damper to love as your wet blanket presence is to conversation. I'll just step up, Mopus, and change my coat also." " Don't turn it, my dear fellow," said Mopus. " Bless these innocent boobies !" said the young heir to himself, " I will shew them 12 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. the truth of the old fable, that whilst two dogs are quarrelling for the bone, a third steps in and walks off with it. Pretty — a very pretty girl, certainly. Young, but of a moderate hutch, and too many in the warren. Sisters- in-law are nice amusement sometimes, but hers are so diabolically ugly — that is a great drawback. I think I had better consult ' the wisdom of our ancestors ' before I rush into this mesh, which is strong enough to hold the largest bluebottle, whilst that spider, Love, with its eight eyes, is upon us, and sucks us to death in a moment." " Come along, Mopus," said Moggs, re- entering the dining-room ; " don't sit there any longer, like the pictures of Jupiter in the clouds; here's Clincher as gay as a skylark in summer." With a heart rather fluttering — for sailors in love are rare cowards at an approach — Clincher opened the drawing-room door, and there, round a large table, were seated four or five young ladies, all busily employed making purses, whilst Sir Dionysius Mopus sat in an THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 13 arm-chair near the fire, as true a picture of the old English gentleman as ever sat for the drawing. Lady Mopus, the two Miss Clin- chers, and Miss Eivers sat at the round table. " Where is my father ?" said Clincher, as he entered. " Up-stairs, my dear boy," said Sir Diony- sius ; " he fancies he has got a chilblain on his wooden leg, and he has gone to rub it with brandy and salt." " I suppose," said Mr. Moggs, " his legs are like the Siamese twins ; when you tickled one the other scratched." As this produced a titter amongst the ladies, they naturally turned to the speaker, and then the titter grew into a loud laugh, in which all most unceremoniously joined, Moggs enjoying it wonderfully, and contributing his share of the noise. The door now opened again, and in hobbled Rear Admiral Clincher, who, besides being minus a leg, wore a patch over the left eye, it being on the retired list, or out of the service. The other was considerably the worse for 14 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. wear, and was called by him his telescopic eye, as it magnified objects at a little distance from him. Moggs instantly advanced and tendered his hand. The Admiral bowed rather stiffly, intimating that there was some mis- take, whilst Moggs continued shaking his hand, and expressing his pleasure at seeing him walk so well with so uncomfortable a companion. " Who the devil are you, sir?" said the Admiral, in his blunt manner. " Moggs, my dear Admiral — Moggs — Tro- phonius Moggs." " Why, how is this ? — I swear, yesterday, you were not in the army, and now you come before me with a pair of mustachios as long- as the Grand Turk's. If you have got any cosmetic to make hair grow at that rate, just give my bald pate a scrub, will you ? — for it's very cold in winter, and I hate wigs." Moggs, believing the Admiral at one of his jokes, did him the favour to laugh, and, going up to Sir Dionysius, was about to intimate that the loss of the Admiral's eye was of no THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 15 great consequence, as he evidently saw double with the other — when he caught a glimpse of himself in the glass over the chimney, and there, sure enough, was the wonderful growth of hair. Young Mopus laughed genteelly, just animating the risible muscle ; young Clincher was rather more boisterous, whilst the old Admiral and Sir Dionysius gave a specimen of hilarity of former days, and made their fat cheeks shake like a rickety jelly half demolished. Mr. Moggs gave a very particular look at young Clincher, and walked out of the room with becoming gravity. " He's got his bristles up," said the Admi- ral, " like a hog in a high wind ; but if he was only to let out that body of his to the king, to be shot at occasionally, he would soon have enough of that to keep him in good temper with a joke. I suppose, when he has boiled up enough, he'll come down again and turn his steam off." " I hope, Miss Alice," said young Clincher, " that you do not consider a man actually mis- chievous because he commits a practical joke." 16 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. Alice raised her beautiful eyes from her work and looked at the young sailor. The very glance was worse than a fire of grape- shot, and made his heart tremble with such rapidity that he was obliged to put his hand on his waistcoat-pocket to keep the silver from jingling ! Young Mopus was right in his description of Alice ; but her beauties require a more par- ticular notice. She was fair, of good height, neither spindling up into awkwardness, nor dumpy as a cauliflower ; her hair was auburn, and her eyes were large and blue, rather far apart, glowing with animation, and vivid from brightness and clearness. There was a slight tinge of melancholy occasionally in her coun- tenance, but, when she spoke, and her red 4ips showed the pearl-like teeth, she lit up with .vivacity, and you heard the sweetest sounds that ever escaped from the nest of the night- ingale. Her figure was unexceptionable ; and, on horseback, when the habit betrayed her symmetry, no more beautiful specimen of Nature's fairest work could be seen. Alice THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 17 had, like many other beauties, been unhappy at home. There, all the care was bestowed upon a younger sister, whose frail health con- trasted sadly with the vigorous youth of the elder one. Hence the occasional melancholy when her thoughts returned to her home, where peevish expressions, or an inattentive ear, gave the cold semblance of a welcome. Too quick to be deceived, she saw and felt the neglect ; but again, too good-tempered to allow idleness to drive her into melancholy, she read, worked, played, sung, and drew; thus avoiding the greatest curse of this life, and in perpetual employment finding a recre- ation and a solace which defied the assaults even of coldness and indifference. Such was Alice Rivers at the age of eighteen. " Although," she answered Clincher's ques- tion, " I laugh at any thing which appears ridiculous, I cannot be blind to the pain and mortification a man must experience when thus exposed to ridicule." " But it was done in a moment of levity — 18 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. a common joke — which might have happened to Mopus or myself, and which we should have been the first to laugh at." " Provided," added Alice, with an arch look, " it did not make you the object of ridicule where you would desire to command respect. Your sister will not so easily for- give you, for she is deprived of his company, and perhaps he might have been a welcome guest." " My sister cannot regret his absence so much as I rejoice at it, since it leaves me to occupy your attention, when perhaps he might have been lured by your eyes, in spite of the dark clearness of my sister's." " They are very pretty," said Alice, appa- rently unheeding the remark. " Miss Rivers," said young Mopus, " the governor intends a riding party to-morrow. You will make one of the party — the Miss Clinchers assent." " Who is the governor ?" said the old Ad- miral. " I don't know of any governor here- abouts." THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 19 " My father's the governor," replied Mopus. " Is he, by Jove !" reiterated the Admiral ; " then he keeps his colony in very bad order. I should like to hear my youngster there call me his governor : he should be in a ten- gun brig, in the Bay of Biscay, five days afterwards. The fact is, Mopus, you have never kept your ship's company under proper order, or they would say ' Sir ' when they spoke to the Captain, and treat the com- manding-officer with a little respect. Go- vernor, indeed! — here, youngster, snuff the candles for your sister, and don't be cater- wauling there." " Yes, sir" said the young gentleman, as he jumped up instantly to obey the orders. " Dionysius," said the old Baronet, " did you ever say ' Sir' to me in your life ?" " Often — often I call you Sir Dionysius, whenever I want any young lady to know you are my governor and a Baronet." It was here remarked that the Admiral gave Mr. Dionysius Mopus a look which was quite explanatory of his feelings, and, taking 20 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. his snuff-box, gave it such an exciting rap that he stove in the head of it. " Sad ruffians, those sailors," murmured young Mopus, in rather an empresse manner, to Miss Rivers, as young Clincher left her side to fetch the Admiral another box — " admirably calculated to govern men whose ignorance places them only one degree above savages, and who are blown about from place to place like rubbish in a high wind : but they are worse than mahogany tables — they will not take even a French polish. I wonder if the Miss Clinchers run up stairs for his wooden leg or his dead-light for his eye." " I admire sailors," said Alice, with some enthusiasm — " without them we should have been a French colony, with perhaps not so lenient a governor as we have now. They are a bold, straightforward, generous set of men, who risk their lives daily for the good of their country, and who are very great ad- mirers of our sex." " Bold enough, but lamentably ignorant. A man who is all his life at sea must be defi- THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 21 cient in the finer part of the laws of society. One laughs at such foolish energy as we just now saw exemplified. Had he been my go- vernor, he might have stumped away and got his fresh ammunition himself. This filial obedience is very good at ten years of age, but once free by law it becomes childish — a want of character — a kind of servile adula- tion, proper in children, but disreputable in adults. I know you think so." " But sailors," said Alice, " although occa- sionally a little uncouth, are always warm and steady friends." " Warm enough, God knows, if they are all as peppery as the Admiral ; but, as for friends, I never had a friend in my life, or felt the want of one. Was there ever a friend who did not condole with you with a sneer on his lip ? — or whisper away your character — or bor- row your money — or be gratified at your dis- appointment?— or be always boring about you, and sticking to you like a burr ? No, no — a fashionable acquaintance, warranting a dis- creet familiarity, is drawing the links of 22 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. Friendship just as tight as ever I want them." " How different do I feel ! " said Alice. " What would I not give for a friend to whom I could unburthen my mind ! — who would share in my griefs, and participate in my good fortunes ! Friendship is the greatest blessing of life, because it is so difficult to find — so hard, so very hard to retain." " Very poetical and romantic !" said Mo- pus. " But friends are such cursed, privileged people ! They walk into your room when you are absent — skim over your papers — sometimes read (accidentally) your letters — and, being tired of themselves, take the privilege of a friend, and bore your very life out, by bestow- ing their tediousness upon you." " Richard," said the Admiral, " you have offended Mr. Moggs by an unwarrantable liberty. Go, beg his pardon, and ask him to come down." " Beg his pardon !" said Mopus. " My dear Richard, you are not going to do so very unfashionable. ..." THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 23 " Go," said the Admiral — " it is far more courageous to confess a fault than to commit a murder in defence of it. Go, sir,' when I tell you ; and if he is not satisfied with your explanation, I desire you to offer him an apo- logy before these ladies : — after that, if he re- fuses, you may shoot at him as long as he likes." " Dionysius," said the father, borrowing a little courage from the Admiral, " ring the bell for the card- table." "Why, governor, the bell is so close to you that it would have been less trouble to have pulled it than to have asked me to do it." " I'll ring the bell for you, Sir Dionysius," said the Admiral, " although I have but one leg; and I know what I would do with the rope, if I had my will." The Miss Clinchers sat excessively demurely, never speaking above a whisper ; whilst Alice, fearing some explosion, although these remarks were of frequent occurrence, rose hastily, to save the Admiral the trouble. 24 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. " You are a little darling,' ' said the Admi- ral, taking her hand ; " and I hope, whenever you are rash enough to commit marriage, you may find a man as kind and generous as yourself." THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 25 CHAPTER II. That evening's party was played to its close : the ladies played the piano, and the gentlemen played whist ; and young Mr. Clincher was desired by his father to play with the girls. The whist party was particularly ill- assorted. Sir Dionysius played the old English game in use and practice some thirty years before Major A. enlightened the public. The Admiral played what he termed a cut- ting-out game. Young Mopus, a disciple of General Bon de Vautray and Deschappelles, played the French game, which is infinitely more scientific and sure than ours ; and Moggs played to win — his father being a vol. i. c 26 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. determined miser, who begrudged him the smallest allowance, and refused his request to be in either church, law, physic, army, navy, or high - stool clerk, because each and all required some money to start with ; and who kept him as a poor gentleman, desiring him not to marry unless he could marry a lady immensely rich ; knowing that bachelors could always peck and perch in another's roost, and save housekeeping and servants. Moggs was out on a cruize until his ten pounds should be exhausted, or until, like a bad tenant, he had notice to quit. The Admiral and young Mopus were part- ners : the Admiral led a small card, which was a singleton ; young Mopus, being strong in the other suits, took out the trumps, and then re- turned the lead ; upon which the old Admiral, in his agony of mind, gave a convulsive spasm to his half leg, which made the wooden leg give young Mopus a blow which effectually disturbed the temper of the players ; and when he thundered down a losing card, up went the leg again, and gave Moggs such a THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 27 kick that he was not likely to close his eyes until the game was over. Young Mopus knew the kick was accident, and, although he could not restrain a sudden " Hah !" he never allowed the pain to master his sense of propriety— he made no remark — seemed rather astonished at finding the strong suit against him — kept his eyes fixed on the table, for there the battle is fought — and then looked to Moggs to play. Moggs was busily em- ployed in rubbing the wounded part, until the Admiral called out with a voice that might have been heard in the main-top in a gale of wind, " Play, sir, and give my partner another opportunity of losing the game." Mopus looked, but never expressed — " What you do not know of this game would make an ample stock of knowledge for any one else;" and, when the deal was finished, he said, in a mild tone of voice, " I beg your pardon, Ad- miral, I forgot you did not play the French game." This was adding insult to injury, as the maid said when her mistress wrote letters to c 2 128 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. different people against her character, and borrowed her sealing-wax to close the dis- patch. " The French game ! " said the Admiral, with astonishment. — " What the devil do you call the French game ? — Whist is an English game, sir ; and no Frenchman could ever play that or any other English game. Can they play cricket ? Can they play leap-frog ? Can they play marbles or hockey ? Can they do any thing, and be damn'd to them, but cook cats and get such gulls as you to eat them?" Mopus smiled and said — " Une chatte a la jardiniere would not be a bad thing, and un chat a la Provencal would soon supersede a rabbit smothered in onions." " Curse them all !" said the Admiral, in a boiling rage — " they are a set of ill-begotten monkeys — all made up of paint and putty — who dress their women up like cockatoos, and their men like play-actors. I've beat them quite enough at one English game, and will beat them all at this or any other English game." THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 29 " We have improved upon their games and their inventions," said Mopus, " and I really do not see why they should not improve upon ours." " Improve !" said the Admiral. — " Do you think you are improved hy going there? — Come, deal away ; and the next time I hoist a signal, do me the favour to answer it." The Admiral, in spite of his rude manner, was a great favourite, as he was a straight- forward old hero, with notions almost grown musty from age. Young Mopus smiled and dealt ; and, when the Admiral second hand trumped his right hand adversary's lead, his partner murmured one of de Vautray's rules — " il n?y faut pas toucher Vinconnu:" upon which the Admiral swore that if ever he took such an unwarrantable liberty as to splutter in his presence the jargon of those Bourbons, he would throw down his cards and go to bed. In the mean time young Clincher had de- voted himself very much to the fair and beau- tiful Alice Rivers. 30 TIIE PERILS OF BEAUTY. Dick Clincher was a fine, handsome young man, who had distinguished himself as far as opportunities had offered, and who now (like most sailors on shore) was prepared to fall desperately in love with any pretty face he came near, and certainly he had one beside im likely to shake a firmer heart than his. The tales of wonder and of excitement that he was relating to Alice were cut short by the Admiral declaring that he never would play at whist again with any man who had travel- led abroad, and who, like a post-chaise, re- turned none the better for the journey. The party soon broke up ; and, as Sir Dio- nysius never allowed his visitors to return home after a dinner-party, they each retired to their respective rooms. As the Admiral shook his old friend, his host, by the hand, he said — " God bless you, Sir Dionysius ; I wish I could imitate your coolness. I never can lose my money without some of my tem- per sailing in company with it ; and, ever since I was the size of a handspike, I always thought there was more of Fortune than THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 31 judgment in this life. If you were not bound to take in your moorings for the night, I would just run through the Life of Nelson, and show you how many smiles he had from that incon- stant young lady, whilst others never could get a peep at her. Here, Richard, come up into my room ; I've got something to say to you. Good night, Mr. Trophonius Moggs ; I hope your success or your stiff glass of grog won't keep you awake or grow your musta- chios again. Good night, young Frenchified ; ' dormez vous Men,' as those everlasting idiots say for *■ may you sleep well ;' — as if there was any occasion to alter the words, and as if they did not sound as well a^ain in English. Good night to you, ladies. Good night, little beauty ; bless your darling eyes ! — if I was only young again, and could draw a new leg and eye from the dockyard aloft, none of these gentlemen who stuff a yard of tobacco in their mouths, and puff smoke half the day long, should come within hail of you. Good night to you, fair Alice ; forgive an old fellow who has only one eye to look out for beauty, and who seldom finds 32 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. it to captivate him as yours has done. She is a fine craft that, Sir Dionysius — what a shape, fore and aft ! — Ay, my old friend—such head- rails — such eyes — and enough hair on her head to make chafing-mats for the main-yard of a first-rate !" So saying, the Admiral stumped away with his wooden leg, and made the galleries sound again. As he proceeded on his march, he was closely followed by his son, who, in obe- dience to his father's directions, awaited his orders. " Leave me, Marling," said the Admiral, to his old servant, " and come back when you are hailed." " Ay, ay, sir," said the old sailor ; " but I'm preciously afraid I shall get into another harbour, for there's nothing but doors in this old place, and no good bearings to take for a departure." It was a strange house this. It was an old and well-known habitation of the eccentric Lord Mopus, who many years before died of a cold caught by perseveringly washing his THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 33 feet in cold water every night and morning, to hinder his catching cold by inuring himself to it ! He left behind him his house, his hounds, and his mistress. The heir accepted the first, sold the second, and pensioned the third. The title became extinct, and the property, after descending for two generations, and after having accumulated much during the minority of the present possessor, became the residence of Sir Dionysius Mopus. It required, as Marling had truly remarked, a pilot to keep clear of the different road- steads, and to run into the right port. In the centre of the house was a large hall, and the staircase formed an inner square leading to long passages, east, west, north, and south. There was no lack of comfort in this strao-- gling mansion. The wind might howl, the rain might patter against the windows, the snow fall, or the driving sleet chill, but inside there was a defence against the elements, in the splendour and the comfort of the furni- ture. There was no luxury absent which the invention of modern talent and ingenuity had c 5 34 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. suggested. Never, in short, was a house better appointed. " A word with you, Richard," said the Ad- miral, as he sat down and relieved himself of his wooden leg. " You know, my boy, that all of our profession are more or less super- stitious— I mean us of the good old school. I don't mean you new-fangled young gentlemen who keep hunters, and not unfrequently, to the shame of our noble service, have been seen dwindling down to marines, and wearing red coats on horseback. If ever I saw you make a lobster of yourself, you might get some land in Australia, and go sheep-feeding and wool- gathering for me. Just step down and bring me up a glass of brandy-and-water ; make it taste as little of the latter as possible. I've a deal to say, and I shall want to freshen hawse before I've done." Richard did as he was bid, and on his re- turn found his father sitting by the table with pen, ink, and paper before him, the side of the latter being turned down so as to make a kind of official margin. THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 35 " That's well mixed, Richard; now sit down. You are about as great a Tom Fool," he be- gan, " as ever I had under my orders. You think that because I have only one eye I must be blind on one side, and you can get that side of me. You are mistaken ; I know every thing you do as well as you do yourself; and although I would caution you against many things you do, yet upon the whole I have no reason to be dissatisfied with you. Did you ever hear, Richard, of a midshipman being married since you were born ? Which throat do you think he would cut first, his own, or his wife's ? Now you are in love with Alice Rivers, and a nicer girl I never saw ; but she has no money, and I can't afford to give enough to keep you both ; besides I would not have you leave the service for all the women in Christendom. Do you know what a woman is ?" Richard smiled, for he flattered himself that he did know a woman from a rhinoceros, if he chanced to meet them together. " You need not grin so knowingly, young gentleman, for neither you nor Solomon either 36 THE PERILS OF BEAUTY. 