Vermischte Aufsätze in englischer Prose : hauptsächlich zum Besten derer welche diese Sprache in Rücksicht auf bürgerliche Geschäfte lernen wollen
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The John Carter Brown Library ® Brown University © I •fy Purchased from the A Louisa D. Sharpe Metcalf Fund $Mw (Carter t&rotem Cthrurtr JSrnnm |£nitrerMbr Pi ft] £ / 7 ft -jo ft ^Gt'VVU JO £ 1 6 ^ Li f/^r ^ - • uJt£. ^ *G 0 civ " i %*<-*.? ! OAA^&UA- ■ ^2- <7 ftxA Wvx- U^jui ua <5 -  -von tVwv«,W.ft- •''i^^fil e>i4mSl. » 1 t * s fciCMJilL Ke SS Wltfo J ovyr b ^ I \Jouv ft&JM-lt ^;L0 ')V}/j^r-K $AJ- 3^ 5 Ci^en-U u& X/ i ^HXOiA/V tu^ c^L ' V £) ft ! ( -C NatuQ ^ a*> r t- \ u. fl , */< L ^ *£ * *-T <L Vermifchte A u ff a t z e in englifcher Profe hauptfachlich zum Beften dfcrer welche diele Sprache l i * "t . , ■ in • t / ^ • /*-:* ■ 1 • \ Riickficht auf biirgerliche Gefchafte ) , . \ *N ' , . • ^ ( /V. lernen wollen, . » V * ' - 1 ' ■■ ' "" . ' * • ' l gefammlet * v *> i • • ’ r- - . ' . I , von i : - , C.i D. Ebeling / > ' ~\ ♦ Vorfteher der Handlungsakademie in Hamburg. Dritte verbefferte Aufhge, 4 Hamburg verlegt von C. Herolds Wittwe. V | ' , 1781- \ t Vorrede. J3ei der dritten Auflage diefes Buchs — i ift es \vohl nicht nothig die Vorrede y -J- , > / • ' * ' x I , der erften zu wiederhohlen , wodurch ich meine Samlung dem Publicum zu • ' : ■ ■ r- empfehlen fuchte. Es hat fie giitig auf- / » p genommcn und das Buch wird haufig • \ ' zum Unterricht in vielen Schulen ge* v braucht. Ich bin dankbar dafiir und ' «. i » freue mich dariiber , dafs eine Arbeit, die eigentlich nur fiir unfere Handlungs- , akademie beftimt war, auch aufler der^ * * / * 1# \ felben Beifal fand und brauchbar gewe- , 4 . v- •' » i fen ift. Da diefs ein Schulbuch gewor- ■ -• • ; a 3 den Vorrede. * \ * * ■ t * . i i \. den ift, fo babe ich nichts darin ver&n- . > dern durfen> ob ich gleich gern einige t, ■* ^. Auffatze gegen andre neure vertaufeht » ' v , ~ «,. hatte. In dem Worterverzeichnifle ift jedoch einiges verbeflert wooden. • • p ' * J / / t '■ •mm III .1, - in INHALT. X s. t 7 1 6 %% 53 58 67 73 INHALT. 1) Fables. ' 4 , ' 2) Jells and bons mots. 3) An Abridgement of Anderfotfs Commercial- Geography of Great-Bruam and Ireland 4) Lord Littleton's Dialogues of the Death. 5) Barettis Account of the prelentKing of Spain 6) Narrative of the Death of C alas. 4 \ '■ A, 1 . * 7) A nf ons Voyage to Alia. 8) Richardforis Account of Sir Charles Grandifon’s refecuing Mifs Byron. 9) Voltaire's Account of a tragical Incident in France. ' » ' \2% 10) Buffons Defcription of a Dwarf. 126 11) Hutckinfon s Remarks on the prelent Hate of the Trade of Maffachufetsbay dec. i2§ >C 12) Shaw's Account of Algier. 134 13) Account of the Death of Patknl 140 14) Sterne's Story of le Fever. 148 15) Rohertfris Account of the Cardinal Ximenes. t$$ 16) Account of the Battle of Pavia by the fame. 157 17) Chara&er of the Emperor Charles V. by the fame* 161 18) Smollet's Satirical Defcription of London and Bath. , 153 19) View of the Climate f Trade and Soil of Bar¬ bados. / 30) The Brothers, a Comedy. 172 aO hhwkeswortlis new Memorandum-Book for La¬ dies. 1/9, 22) Gka~ < VIII INHALT. 22) Character of a Gamefter by the fame. S. 185 23) Bancroft* Defcription of Berbice , Demerafy and Eflequebo. jg^ 24) Letters by Pope} Steele , Addifon} Lord Littleton and others. jg* 25) Defcription of (bme Quadrupeds by Bancroft and Brocket . ' 215 26) Some Chapters out of Fielding s Hiflory of Tom Jones. 224 27) Obfervations on the prefent State of theEaft- India Company. 234 28) Lady Montague's Defcription of Adrianople and Constantinople. 240 29) Defcription of Jamaica. 247 30) Scenes out of Caiman's Comedy of the jealous Wife. - . 253 30 Humes Hiftor.y of the invincible Armada. 259 32. 33) Gullivers Voyage to Liliput and Brobdig- nac. 269 34) Anderfotis account of England’s Trade and Colonies. 280 3$) Scenes out of Caimans Comedy of theEnglifli Merchant. 302 1 V FABLES. 3* FABLES ») A A COCK and a PERCIOUS STONE; ' s a Cock was fcratching upon a Dunghill, he turned up a precious Stone. Well, fays he, this fp ark ling Foolery to a Jeweler would have been fomething; but to me, a Barley-Corn is worth an hundred Diamonds. Moral. A wife Man will always prefer Things necejfary before Matter l of Cnriojztyy Ornament , or Fie of ure, A FROG , 'MOUSE* and KITE. There happened once a terrible Quarrel betwixt the Frogs and the Mice, about the Souvereignty of the Fens; and whilft two of their Champions were dilputing it with their utmoft Might., down comes a Kite powdaring upon them, and gobbles up both together. 4 A LION, BEAR, and FOX. ♦ •. A Lion and Bear had fo long fought over a Fawn which they killed , that they were glad to lie down and take Breath. In which Inftant, a Fox paffed that Way; and, finding how the Cafe Rood with the two Combatants, he feized upon the dead Fawn, and fcampered quite away. with him. The Lion and the Bear, not being in Condition to rife and hinder it, pafs’d this Refleftion upon the Matter: Here we have been worrying one another who ffiould have the Booty, till this treacherous Fox has bobb’d us both. Moral of the two Fables. When Fools go together by the Ears % ‘ Knaves generally run away with the Stakes. A WOLF and a CRANE. A Wolf had got a Bone in his Throat, and promifed a Crane a very considerable Reward to help him out with it. The Crane did him the good Office , and then claim’d " -- 1 . ' ■ " his *) Aefop’s Fables with inftru&ive Morals and Reflexions. By Mr. Richardfon. Lond. 8* with cuts. , A 4 V •. -fV &*.**• * his piomife. VVhy, how now, Impudence! fays the other, do yon put your Head into the Mouth of a Wolf, and then, when you’ve brought it out again fafe and found, do you talk of a Rewaid ? Why, Sirrah, you have your Head again , and is not that a diffident RecOm pence? Moral. Me that has to do with wild Heaps .{as Jostle Men are no better ) and ef capes with a whole Skin , let him think himfelf well off. A A LION and an ASS. n Als was fo hardy once , as to fall 'a mocking and braying at a Lion. The Lion began at fir ft to £hew his Teeth, and to domach the Affront ; but upon lecond Thoughts, Well, lays he, jeer on, and be an Als dill; take notice only by the way, that it is the Balenels of your Character that has laved your Car cafe. Moral. It is below the Dignity of a great Mind to hold Conteps with People that have neither Quality nor Courage: to fay nothin? of the Folly of contending with a mifcrable Wretch , where the very Competition is a Scandal. A LION and a MOUSE. , •f ' \ A generous Lion, having got into his Clutches a poor Moufe, at her earned Supplication let her go. A few Days after, the Lion, being Tampered in a Net, found the Benefit of his former Mercy; for this very Moufe-, in his Diftrefs, remembring this Favour done her, let herfelf to work upon the Couplings of the Net, gnawed the Threads to Pieces, and fo delivered her Preferver. Moral-. It holds through the whole Scale of the Creation } that the Great and Little have need of one another. The KITE, HAWK, and PIGEONS. The Pigeonsr finding themfelves perfecuted by the Kite, made choice of the HawT for their Guardian. The Hawk lets up for their Proteftor; but , under de Countenance of that Authority, indead of carrying on a War with the Kite, makes moreHavock in theDovehoule in two Days, than the Kite could have done in as many Months. ; - Moral. FABLES. 3 Moral. It it a dangerous thing for People to call in a powerful and ambitious Man for their P rote Bor. A DOG and a THIEF. s a Gang of Thieves were at work to rob aHoufe, a Ma ft iff took the Alarm, and fell a barking: One of the Company fpoke him fair, and would have ftopt his Mouth with a Cruft. No , fays the Dog, this will not do, ibr I’ll take no Bribes to betray my Matter; nor will I, for a Piece of Bread in Hand, forfeit the Eale, Satisfattion, andLibei-ty of my whole Life. Moral. Fair Words , Prefents , and Flatteries , are always to be fvfpcBcd to cover a bafe and wicked Intent. A MOUNTAIN in Labour. A Rumour went that the Mountain was in Labour, and all the Neighbourhood got thogerher 'to lee what amon- ftrous Iflue fo great a Mother would bring forth ; when, behold ! of a hidden , out run a ridiculous Moufe. Moral* Nothing fo much cxpofes Man to Ridicule , as when , by vain E Infers , he raifes the ExpeBation of all around hint , and falls fhort in his Performances. An ASS, an APE, and a MOLE. n Afs and an Ape were conferring on Grievances* The Afs complain’d mightily for want of Horns, and the Ape was as much troubled for wrantof a Tail. eHold your Tongues, both of ye, fays the Mole and be thankful for what you have ; for the poor blind Moles are in a worfe Condition than either ef ye. « , The HARES and the FROGS. Once upon a Time the Hares found thentfelves mightily unfatisfied with the miferable Condition they lived in. Here we live, fays one of them, at the Mercy ofMen, Dogs, Eagles, and I know not how many other Creatures, which prey upon us atPleafure; perpetually in Frights, perpetually in Danger; and therefore I am abfolutely of Opinion, that we had better die , once for all, than live at this Rate in a A £ contr* 4 FABLES. continual Dread that’s worfe than Death itielf. The Motion was. feeonded and debated, and a Refolution immediately taken, One and All, to drown themielves. The Vote was no loonei pall d,v but away they leudded with that Deter¬ mination to the next Lake. Upon this Hurry there leapt a whole Shoal of Frogs from the Bank into the Water* for fear of the Hares. Nay then, my Mailers, fays one of the graveft of the Company, 'pray let’s have a little Patience. Our Con¬ dition , I find , is not altogether fo bad as we fancy’d it ; loi theie aie thole, you fee, that are as much afraid of us as we are of others. Moral of the two Fables. There is no contending with the Orders and Decrees of Pro¬ vidence, He that made us , knows what is fittefi for us„ and every Man's own Lot (well iinderjlood and managed) is undoubtedly the left, . ® A DAW and BORROW’D FEATHERS. A Daw that had a Mind to be fparkhh, trick’d himfelf up with all the gay Feathers he could mufter together ; and valued himfelf upon them above all the Birds "in the Air. This^got him the Envy of all his Companions, who, upon a Dilcovery of the Truth, fell to pluming of him by Con- fent ; and when every Bird had taken his own Feather, the filly Daw was reduced to his primitive State, and found a tailing Contempt added to his former Poverty. Moral. Where Pride and Beggary meet y People are fare to be made ridiculous in the Couclujion. A FROG and an OX. Asa huge Ox was grazing in a Meadow, an eld envious Frog that flood gaping at him hard by, called out to her little ones, to take Notice oftheBulkof that monftrous Bead:; aad lee , fays fhe, if I don’t now make mylelf the bigger of the Two': So ike fhain’d once, and twice, and went Rill fwelling on, till in the Conciufion ike over -drained herfelf, and burfL Moral. W eak Minds frequently fancy them/ elves to be bigger or worthier than they are, and other People so be left or more unworthy ; and FABLES. S unci the Confeqnence of this wretched Pride is often fatal to the Poffeffors of ity or at leaf ferves to render them contempt • ible in the Eyes of thofe whofe good Opinion they are fondcjl to engage y\ The BELLY and MEMBRES. he Hands and the Feet on a Time were in a defpevate X Mutiny againfl the Belly. They knew noReafon, they faid, why the one fhould pamper itfelf with the Fruit of the other’s Lab out ; and. if the Belly would not work for Com¬ pany ; they’d be no longer at the Charge of maintaining it. Upon this Mutiny, they kept the Body lb long without Nourilhment, that all the Parts fitfier’d for it: infomuch-.that the Hands and Feet came in the Conclufion to find their Miftake, and would have been willing then to have done their Office; but it was now too late, for the Body was fo pin’d with overfafting', that it was wholly out ofCondition to receive the Benefit of aPvelief: and fo they all perifbt’d together. Moral. The Publick is but one Body , and the Table cautions the parti « ticular Mcmhres of it how they withdraw themfelves from their Duties , till it fhall be too late for their Superiors to make ufe of them for their mutual Advantage. A LADEN ASS and a HORSE. san Horfe and an Afswvere upomthe Way together, the E\ Afs ery’d out to his Companion to eafe him of his Burden, though never lb little; he fhould fall down dead elfe. The Horle would not; and fo his Fellow Servant funk under his Load. The Mailer, upon this, had the Afs flayed, and laid his whole Pack, Skin and all, upon the Horfe: Well, fays he, this Judgment is Befallen me for my ill Nature, in refufing to help my Brother in the Depth of his Diftrefs. Moral. It is a Chriftian v a natural y a reafonable , and a political Duty y for all M.embers of the fame Body to cifffi one another. A COLLIER and FULLER. A Fuller had a very kind Invitation from a Collier to come and live in the Houfe with him. He gave him a thou- fand Thanks for his Civility, but told him, that it would not ft and <s FABLES. ftand with his Convenience ; for, fays he, as faft as I make any Thing clean, you’ll be fmutting it again. Moral. , ,• ' 1 It is a necejjary Rule in Alliances , Matches, Societies , Fra¬ ternities } Friend f hips , P artnerfhips , Commerce , and alt manner of civil Dealings and Contrails , to have a firiB Regar d to the Humour , the Nature , and the Difpojition of thofe we have to do withal. . ' -■ 1 N ' ' '. A BOY and FALSE ALARMS. IK Shepherds Roy had gotten a, roguifli Trick of crying, A ^ . Wolf! a Wolf! when there was no fuch Matter, and fooling the Country-people with falfe Alarms. He had been at this Sport lo many Times in Jett, that they would not believe him at laft, when he was in Earned:; and fo the Wolves broke in upon the Flock, and worry’d the Sheep without Refiftance. Mo?vAl, T his Fable f hews us the dangerous Confe queue es of an improper and unfeafonable Fooling, The old Moral obferves , That a ctmtmm Lyar j hall not be believ'd, even when he /peaks * true, A SHEEP and a CROW. A1* x Crow fat chattering upon the Back of a Sheep: Well? Sirrah, fays the Sheep, you durft not have done this to a Dog. Why, I know that, fays the Crow, as wrell as you can tell me ; for I can be as quiet as any body with thofe that are quarrelfome; and lean be as troublelome as another too 9 when l meet with thofe that will take it. Moral. It is the Nature and PraBice of mean and low Spirits , to be infolent towards thofe that will bear it, and as J lavi/h to others that are more than their Match. A FOX and HUNTSMEN. A Fox that was hard purfu’d, begg’d of a Countryman to help him to fome Hiding-place. The Man directed him to his Cottage, and thither he went. The Huntimen were prefently. at his Heels, and afked the Cottager, if he did not fee a Fox that Way? No, truly, fays he, I faw none; but pointed at the fame time with his Finger to the Place where FABLES. 7 “where belay-* The Hunt fm an did not take the Hint, it Teems; but the Fox ipy’d him, however, through a Peeping -Hole he had found out : So the Hunters went their Way, and then out deals the Fox, and departs without one Word fpeaking. Why, how now, fays the Mail, han’t you the Manners to thank me before you go ? Yes, yes, fays the Fox, if you had been as honed with yourFingers as you were with your Tongue , I fhould not have gone without acknowledging the Favour. , Moral. A Man may tell a Lie by Signs, as well as in Words at Length f and his Confidence in this Cafe is as anfwerable for his Fin • gers as for his Tongue. A SWALLOW and a CROW. A Crow difputing with a Swallow for the prize of Beauty, faid, Yours, at bed is only a Spring Beauty; mine lads all the Year round. Moral., A durable Good is infinitely to be preferred to a tr un fit cry one. JESTS AND BONS MOTS. told him, he fhould have been much better pleifed, z/'Moliere had brought him his. 2. A brave Dutch Capitain being commanded by his Colo¬ nel to go on a dangerous Exploit againd the French , with Forces that were unlikely to.atchieve theEnterprize, the Cap¬ tain advis’d his Colonel to fend but half fo many Men : Why fo, faid the Colonel, to fend but half fo many Men? Beaufey Replied the Captain, they are enough to be knock'd on the Head • 3. The famous Mr. Atnner going ‘ through a Street in Windfor, twoBoys looked out of a One-Pair-of-Stairs Window, and cry’d, There goes Mr. Atnner that makes to many Bulls. He hearing them, look'd up, faying, You Rafcals, I know you well enough , and if I had you here , Td kick you down Stairs. 4. A Fellow hearing the Drums beat up for Volunteers for France ^ in the Expedition againd the Dutch , imagin’d bimfelf valiant enough, and thereupon lided himfelf; return- A 4 ir,S 8 JESTS AND EONS MOTS. ;.ng again, he was alk’d by his Friends, What Exploits he nad 'done there? He faid? That he had cut offmie of the Enemy s Legs; and being told that it had been more honour- •ttle and manly to have cut of his Head: Oh, laid he, you mu ft know his Head was cut off before . ™ 5- A rich Farmer’s Son, who 'had been bred at the Univei fity , coming home to vifit his Father and Mother, hey being one Night at Supper' on a Couple of Fowls, he thnh^enV’ thiM \LogJC ^Arithmetic, he could prove old M r m Unbe thre,e- ,Wel!’ let us fiud the Old Man. Why this, cry d the Scholar, it one, and this con mud he, is two, two and one, you know, make three. nice you have wade u out fo well, anfwer’d the old Man, your Mother fhall have the FirJ} Fowl, 1 will have the Second, and the Third you may kecpyourfelf for your great Learning, pf: ?°™body afked my_ Lord Bacon what he thought of Poets., Why , faid he, I think them the very bed Writers next to thofe who write in Profe, ' 7. A Gentleman, who had been a great Traveller, would oftentimes talk fo extravagantly of the wonderful Things he had feen abroad, that a Friend of his took Notice to him of ms expofing himfelf as he did to all Companies, and alh’d him the Meaning of it? Why, fays the Traveller, I have got Inch a Habit of Lying fince I have been abroad , that I really hardly know when I lye , and when I fpeak Truth ; and fliould be very much oblig’d to you, il you would ’tread upon my Toe at any Time, when I am likely to give mvlelf too much Liberty that Way. His Friend promis’d he would ; and accordingly, not long after, being at a Tavern with him and other Company, when the Traveller was , amongft other ftrange Things, giving an Account of a Church he had feen in Italy, that was above two Miles long, he trod on his Toe, juft as one of the Company had afked, How broad that fame Church might be? Oh, faid he, not above two Feet. Upon which, the Company burfting into a loud Laugh ; 'Zounds, faid he, if you had not trod upon my Toe, I fhouldhave made it as broad as it was long. 8- A Countryman lowing his Ground, two finart Fellows riding that Way, one of them called to him with an inlolent Air: Well, honeft Fellow, laid he, ’tis your Bufmefs to low, but we reap the Fruits of your Labour. To which the Countryman replied, ’Tis very likely you may , truly, for I am fowing Hemp. , 0. A JESTS AND BONS MOTS £r. A certain great Lord having, by his extravagancies, run himlelf over head and ears in debt, and feeming very little concerned about it, one of his friends told him one day, That he wondered how he could fieep quietly in his bed, whilfl he was fo much in debt. For my part, laid my lord, Ifleep very well] but I wonder how my creditors can. , 10. King William III. being upon a march for fome fecret expedition, was intreated by a general to tell him what his defign was : The king , inflead of anfwering him , afk’d him, whether, in cafe he-ffiould tell him, he could keep it a fecret, and would let it go no farther; the general promifed it fhould not. Well , anfwered his majefly, I knowhow to keep a fecret as well as you. 11. Cato , the Cenfor, being afk’d, How it came to pafs, that he had no Statue erected for him , who had fo well deferved of the Common-wealth? I had rather, laid he, have this Quefliou afk’d, than Why 1 had one? 12. King Henry VIII. defigning to fend a Nobleman on an Embaffy to Francis l. at a very dangerous Juncture , he begg’d to be excus’d, faying fuch a fhreatning Meffage to fo hot a Prince as Francis I. might go near to coll him his Life. Fear not, faid old Harry, if th z French King fhould offer to take away your Life, I would revenge you by taking off the Heads of many Frenchmen now in my Power. But of all. thefe Heads , replied the Nobleman, there, may not be one to fit my Shoulders. 13. Some repartees, if, flrictly fpeaking, not to be brought under the head of jells, yet, for the readinels of the thought, and the politenefs of the exprefiion, are lomewhat better. Of this fort was the anlwer made by Sir Robert Sutton, to the late King of Pruffia, on. his afking him at a review of his tall grenadiers, if he would fay an equal number of Englifhmen could beat them? No, Sir, anfwered Sir Robert, I won’t pretend to fay that, but I believe half the number would try. 14. KGafcon Offcier, who had ferv’d under Henry IV. King of France , and not having receiv’d any Pay for a confiderable Time, came to the King, and confidently faid to him, Sir , three Words with your Majefly, Money or Dif charge, Four with you , anfwer’d his Majefly, Neither one , nor t'other. • 15. Villiers , the witty and extravagant Duke of Buckingham , in King Charles lid’s Time, was faying one Day to Sir Robert Finer, in a melancholic Humour, I am afraid,7 Sir Robert , A 5 10 JESTS AND EONS MOTS. I ft all die a Beggar at laft, which is the moil terrible Thing in the World : Upon my Word, my Lord, faid Sir Robert , there is another Thing more terrible which you have Reafon to appie'nend , and that is, That you will live a Bep&ar at the Rate you go on 16, The fame noble Duke, another Time, w?s making his Complaint to Sir John Cutler , a rich Mifer, of the Dif- 01 dei of his Afiaiis, and alk d him, what he fhoiild do to prevent the Ruin of his Eftate ? Live m J doy my Lord \ laid Sii John ,* "That I can do , anfwer’d the Duke , when I am ruined. \7- A pragmatical young fellow , fitting at Table over againft the learned J ohn Scoty asked him, What Difference there was between Scot and Sot ? Juft the Breadth of the Table, anlwered the other. *8* A Gentleman, having lent a Guinea for two or three Days to a perfon. whofe Promiles he had not much Faith in, was very much furprk’d to find, that he very punctually kept his Word with him ; the lame Gentleman' being feme Time after defirous of borrowing a larger Sum, No, faid the other, you have deceived me once) and lam refolved you J hall not do it a fecond Time 19. Three or four roguiL Scholars walking out oneDavfrom theUni verfity of Oxfo d, efpy’d a poor Fellow near Abingdon, aneep in a Ditch, with an Afs by him laden with Earthen Ware, holding the Bridle in his Hand; fays one of the Scholars to the reft, If you will affift me, I’ll help you to a little Money, for you know we are bare at prefent: No doubt of it they were not long confenting: Why then, faid he, we’ll go and fell this old Fellow’s Afs at Abingdon ; for you know theFair is To-Morrow, and we ft all meet with Chapmen enough ; therefore , do you take the Panniers off, and put them upon my Back, and that Bridle over my Head, and then lead the Afs to Market, and let me alone with the old Man. This being done accordingly, in a little Time after the poor Man waking, was ftrangely furprized to fee his Afs thus metamorphafed : 0 ! for Heaven’s Sake, faid the Scholar, take this Bridle out of my Mouth , and this Load from my Back. Zoons , how came you here , replied the old Man ? Why, faid he, my Father, who is a Necromancer , upon an idle Thing I did to difobiige him, transformed me into an Afs ; but now his Heart has relented, and I am come to my ©wn Shape again, I beg you will let me go Home and thank him : II JESTS AND BONS MOTS. I him: By all Means, laid the Crockery Merchant, I do not defire to have any thing to do with Conjuration; and io fet the Scholar at Liberty, who went direftly to h'is Comrades, that by this Time were making merry with the Money they had fold the Afs for. But the old Fellow was forced to go the next Day to feek for a new one in the Fair , and after having looked on feveral, his own was fhewn him for a very good one: Oh! Oh\ laid he, what! have he and his Father quarrelled again already ? 'Noy no , 111 have nothing to Jay to him. 20. A witty Knave coming into a Lace-fhop upon hud -. gate -hilly faid, He had Occafion for a fmall Quantity of very fine Lace, and having pitched upon that he liked, afk’d the Woman of the Shop, how much fhe would have for as much as would reach from one of his Ears to the other, and meafure which Way fhe pleafed, either over his Head, or under his Chin: After fome Words they agreed, and he paid the Money down, and began to meafure, faying, One of my Ears is here , and the other is ‘ nailed to the Pillory in Briftol, therefore J fear you have not enough to make good your Bargain ; however , I will take this Piece in Part , and dejire you will provide the 7 eft with all Expedition. 21. A Lady’s Age happening to be queftion’d, fheafftrm’d fhe was but Forty , and call’d upon a Gentleman, who was in Company, for his Opinion: Couiin, faid fhe, do you believe I am in the right, when I fay I am but Forty? I am fure, Madam, reply’d he, I ought not to difpute it; for I have conftantly heard you fay fo for above thele ten Years. 22. A Lieutenant-colonel to|i»e of the lrifh Regiments in the French Service, being dilpatched by the Duke of Berwick t from Fort -KM, to the King of France , with a Complaint relating to fome Irregularities that had happen’d in the RegL ment, his Majefty, with fome Emotion of Mind, told him, that the lrifh Troops gave him more Uneafmefs than all his Forces befides. Sir , fays -the Offtcier, all your Majefty t Enemies make the fame Complaint. 23. Mr. G — the Surgeon, being fent for to a Gen¬ tleman who had juft received a flight Wound in aRencounter, gave Orders to his Servant to go home with all Hafte imagin¬ able, and fetch a certain Plaifter; the Patient turning a little pale, Lord , Sir, faid he, 1 hope there is no Danger? Yes , indeed is there, anfwered the Surgeon, for if the Fellow don t s 12 JESTS AND BONS MOTS. « Jet rip a good Pair of Heels, the Wound will heal before he returns, A profligate young Nobleman, being in Company with fame fober People, defired Leave to toaft the Devil. The Gentleman, who fat next to him, Paid, He had no ObieBion to any of his Lor df hip's Friends , T- *ie late Colonel Chartres reflecting; on his ill Life and Character, told a certain Nobleman, That if fuch a Thine* as a good Name was to be purchafed, he would freely give 10,000 Pounds for one. The Nobleman faid, It would Cer¬ tainly be the worft Money he ever laid out in his Life. Why io, faid the Imieft Colonel? Becaufe y anlwered the Lord, you tv on Id forfeit it again in lefs than a Week, 26. One laying that Mr. Dennis was an excellent Critic, was anfwered, lhat indeed his Writings were much to be valued ; for that by his Criticifm he taught Men how to write well;^ and by his Poetry fhew’d them what it was to write ill; lo that the World was fure to edify by him. 27. The late Earl of S — kept an Irifh Footman, who, perhaps, was as expert in making Bulls as the moft learned of his Countrymen. My Lord having fent him one Day with a Prefent to a certain Judge, the Judge in Return fent my Lord half aDozen live Patridges with aLetter ; thePatridges fluttering in the Bafket upon Teagues Back, as he was car¬ rying them home, he let down the Bafket, and opened the Lid of it to quiet them, whereupon they all flew away. Oh ! the Devil burn ye, faid he, I am glad you are gone; but when he came home, and my Lord had read the Letter, Why Teague , faid my Lord, I find there are half aDozen Patrid¬ ges in the Letter : Now, Arrah, dear Honey, faid Teague , I am glad you have found them in the Letter , for they are all loft out of the Bafket. 28. The fame Nobleman going out one Day, called Teague to the Side of his Chariot, and bade him tell Mr. Ruch-a-one , if he came , that he fhould be at home at Din- 3ier. But when my Lord was got acrols the Square in which he lived, Teague came puffing after him, and calling to the Coachman to flop ; upon which my Lord, pulling the String, defired to know what Teaguey wanted : My Lord , faid he, you bade me tell Mr. Such-a-one , if he came, that you would dine at home ; but what mu ft 1 fay if tie don't come? 29. Two infeparable Comrades in the Guards in Flanders , hai every thing in common between them. One of them *3 JESTS AND BONS MOTS. being an extravagant Fellow, and unfit to be trailed with Money, the other was always Parfe - bearer , which vet he gained little by, for the former would at Night frequently, pick his Pocket to the leall Stiver ; to prevent which, he bethought himfelf of a Stratagem; and coming among his Companions the next Day, he told them he had bit his Comrade. Ay, how? laid they. Why , replied he, I hid tny Money in his own Pocket laji Nighty and I am Jure he would neve?' look for it there. 30. A Fellow once Handing in the Pillory at Temple - Bar, it occafion’d a Stop, fo that a Carman with a Load of Chee- fes had much ado to pais; and driving juft op to the Pillory, he afk’d, What that was, that was wrote over the Per fobs Head? They told him , it was a Paper to fignify his Crime, that he Hood there for Forgery. Ay, laid he, What is For¬ gery ? They aniwer’d him, ' That Forgery was counterfeiting another s Hand, with intent to cheat People. To which the Caiman replied, looking up at the Offender: Oh , Pox, this comes of your Writing and Reading , you fitly L>og. 31. Alphqnfoy King of Naples, lent a Moor , who had been his Captive along Time, to Barbary , with a. con- fiderable Sum of Money to purchafe HoiTes, and to return by fuch a Time. There was about the King a Buffoon, or JeHer, who had a Table-Book, wherein he ufed to regifter • any remarkable Abfurdity that happened at Court. The Day th e- Moor was difpatcifd to Barbary , the laid JeHer waiting on the King at Supper, the King called for his Table-book'; in which the JeHer kept a regular Journal of Abfurdities, The King took the Book and read, How Alphonfo , King of Naples y had fent Belthram the Moor , who had been a long Time his Prifoner, to Marocco his own Country, with fo many thou hand Crowns to buy Horfes, The King turn’d to the jefeer, and afk’d, Why he inferred that? Becaufe, laid he, I think he will never come back to be a Prifoner again ; and lb you have loH both Man and Money: .But, if he does come, fays the King, then your JeH is marr’d: No, Sir, replies the Buffoon, for if he.fhould return , I will blot out your Name , and put in his for a Fool. 32. A Lady whole Beauty was very much upon the Decline, having fent her Picture to a Gentleman that was to come a wooing to her, bid her Chambermaid, when Hie was coming to drefs her, take Care in repairing her Decays a little, or Hie Hiouid not look like her Picture. I warrant you, Ma dam 14 jests and bons mots. nam% Ays flie, laying on the Bavarian Red, a little / Irt once made your Bill tire like you, now a little of the fame /Irt Shall make yon like your PiBure ; your PiBure mu ft fit to you. 33. A certain Philofopher, when he law Men in a Hurry to fmifh any Matter, us’d to lay, Stay a little , that we may 7/i ake an End the fooner. 34. A Gentleman complaining of a Misfortune, faid, it was owing to that drunken Sot his Man, who could not keep himlelf fober. With RefpeB to your Worfhip ♦ faid the Fellow, I know very few drunken Sots that do keep themfelves fober . / * 35. A certain Irif liman making ftrongLove to a great For¬ tune , told her, He could not flee p for dreaming of her. 3 6„ A certain preacher held forth at St. Mary, without giving his auditory any fatisfacHon. Santeuil, the celebra¬ ted Poet who wras prefent, faid, uHe did better lafb year.,, A by - Hander aiVerted he muft bemiftaken; for the prefent pulpit thumper had not preached laft year. 44 That is the very reafon,,, faid Santeuil. 37. A fimple Bumpkin, coming to London , was very much taken vhth the Sight of a Chair, or Sedan, and bargained with the Chairman to carry him to a Place he named. The Chairmen, obferving the Curiofity of the Ciowm to be fuit- able to theMeannefs of his Habit, privately took out the Bot¬ tom of the Chair, and then put him into it, which, when they took up, the Countryman’s Feet were upon the Ground, and as the Chairmen advanced, fo did he; and to make the better Sport, if any Place was dirtier in the Way than the reft, that they chofe to go through; the Countryman not knowing but others ufed to be carried, or rather driven in the fame Manner, coming to his Lodgings, gave them their Demand. Returning into the Country, he related what rare Things he had feen in London and withal, that he had been carried in a Sedan; Sedan, quoth one, What is that? Why, laid he, like our Watch Houfe ; only it is covered with Leather; but were it not for the Name of a Sedan , a Man might as well walk on Foot. 38. An impudent ridiculous fellow, being laughed at by all who came in his company told lome of his acquaintance, that he had a happy quality of laughing at all who laughed at him. Then , laid one of them, you lead the merrieji life of any man in Chrijl endow. 39. Ale • JESTS AND EONS MOTS. 15 39. Alexander the Great afk’d Dioi/ledes, a famous pirate, who was brought pri loner to him, why he was lo bold as to rob and plunder in his Teas? he anfwered, that he did it for his profit, and as Alexander himlelf was ufed to do it. But becaufe I do it with one Jingle galley , 7 am called a pi¬ rate; but you , Sir , who do it with a great army , are called a king. This bold anfwer lb pleafed Alexander , that he fet him at liberty. 40. The duke of Guile, after a battle fought between Francis L and Charles V. reproach’d one Villandry, that th o’ he was in compleat armour , yet he had not been feen in the fight. I’ll make it out, anfwered Villandry, boldly, that I was there, and in a place where you durft not be feen. The duke, nettled at this reproach, threatened to punilh him feverely; but he appeafed him with thele words : I was, my Lord , with the baggage where your courage would not JiJJer you to go. 41. One who had formerly been rich, but had fquandered away his eftate, and left himlelf no furniture in the houle but a forry bed, a little table, a few broken chairs, and tome other odd things, feeing a parcel of thieves, who knew not his condition, breaking into his houfe in the night, he cried out jto them , Are not you a damn'd pack of fools , to think to find any thing here in the dark , when l can find nothing by day - light ? 42. Poor Joe Miller going one day along the Strand , an impudent Derby captain came lwaggering up to him, and thruft between him and the wall. I dont vfe to give the wall, faid he, to every jackanapes. But 1 do> laid \oe; and fo made wav for him. 43. When his late Royal Higlrnefs the Duke of Cumberland arrived at Portfmouth , to fee the Fleet, be flood talking to one of the Admirals with his Hat on ; upon which a Sailor* « who was at a little Di fiance, hailed his Mefs-mate, jack! jack, fays he, there’s a Sight for ye; fee, there’s a Man talks to the Admiral with his Hat on! TVliy , you Fool anfwered the other, howfhould he know Good- manners , he never was at Sea. .. 44- I never laughed more than at the Simplicity of a man in the North, who had entered into a Manufaftury without any Knowledge of Bufinels, and traded away a good Fortune without knowing how to draw even a Bill of Exchange. This fconcfl Man had long owed my Friend Mr; *** a Hundred found. 1 1 6 JESTS AND EONS MOTS. Pounds which he had often afked for in vain; at lad, meet¬ ing with him' one Day in Company, he afked him why he did not pay him the Money? Becauie I have none, Mailer, anlwerecLthe other. Weil, but Thomas , replied my Friend, if you have no Money, perhaps you may give me a Bill upon Somebody in London, Yes, Mailer, that I will do with all my Heart, replied the other with great Simplicity ; fit down and write it, Mailer, for you Can write better than I. My Friend fat down to draw the Bill, greatly rejoiced .with an opportunity of getting his Money ; and when he had done, Thomas , fays he, I have drawn the Bill a Month after Date, now who fi all I addrefs it to , that is, who fhail I direct it to for Payment? Whom yon pleafe , Ma/hr , anfwered the poor Man, yon know more People in London than I do, 45. A Gentleman, who was declaiming before a large Audience, having a bad Memory, was at a Stand, and in a low Voice defired his Friend, who Hood by, to help him out. No., lays the other, methinks you are out enough already. \ AN ABRIDGEMENT OF ANDERSON’S COMMERCIAL GEOGRAPHY OF \ GREAT - BRITAIN AND IRELAND.*) The Ifland of Great -Britain may be confidered both in a geographical and mercantile Senle,. as comprehending two diftinft Parts, viz. England the richer and greater, and Scotland the iinaller and lets confiderable Part: although in a political Sen/e thole two Parts have been indiflblubly united Jixty -feven Years ago. I. England is the more level and fertile Part of this noble Ifland, and Scotland more mountainous, and in its Northern and North - wellern .Parts more cold and barren, though enjoying a more pure and healthy Air. England is often fubject to Damps, Fogs, and much variable Weatbei ,. yet the Country is uncommonly fertile, almoil always abounding in Plenty of Corn , and excellent Vegetables and k iu.it , in Cyder, Perry, Saffron, Liquorice, Woad, excellent Timber both for Houle and Ship Building, as, alio foi Fuel, almo t mex- *) Anderfon’s HiftorLcalDedu&ion of theOrigin of Commerce &c. ]&ondon J 7^4* f°l» Vol. II. AN ABRIDGEMENT See. 17 inexhauftible Pit-coal ; the fmefi: Paftures, Horfcs, and horned Cattie; and Sheep, a moft profitable Article beyond any other, on Account of .the nobleft Manufacture upon Earth. England s Mines and Manufactures are alio very confiderable ; and her T in- Mines of Cornwall have not their Parallel in any other Part of Europe , nor perhaps in the whole World. In her Mountains are found Marble, Albaiter, Crvltal, Alum, and Vitriol; her Sea-Coafts and Rivers abound in the greateft Quantities of the beft Kinds of Fith. II. In Scdtland they are making many Improvements in Agriculture, and in the greater Production of Hemp and Flax, for farther inereafmg their already extenfive very fine and valuable Linen Manufacture. It alio abounds in horned Cattle, Sheep, and a lmaller Breed of hardy Horfes; in vail Quantities of Pit-coal, better than that of England ; and in Plenty of Lead, of Salmon in its Rivers, and an inexhauftible Abundance of Fifh in her Seas. 