Poems
None
O •' 0 « ,v ^;.^ ^-.^^' '^<^. A^ 6 a ^^""- % ^^d* ' '^^d« \ > \ * n •'7. \ V VV, U 9 \ '<P<i^ 0^ s^''^.<^. ^^ fO^ss;-.. < x^ J^ 0^^ v^ ,^^-- .1 -2 Boston, 135 Washington Street, July, 1852. NEW BOOKS AND NEW EDITIONS PUBLISHED BY TICKNOR, HEED, AND FIELDS. HENRY W. LONGFELLOW'S WRITINGS. The Golden Legend. A Poem. Just Published. Price $1.00. Poetical Works. This edition contains the six Vol- umes mentioned below. In two volumes, 16mo, $2.00. in separate Volumes, each 75 cents. Voices of the Night. Ballads and Other Poems. Spanish Student; a Play in Three' Acts. Belfry of Bruges, and Other Poems. Evangeline ; a Tale of Acadie. The Seaside and the Fireside. The Waif. A Collection of Poems. Edited by Longfellow. The Estray. A Collection of Poems. Edited by Longfellow. MR. Longfellow's prose works. HYPERION. A Romance. Price $1.00. OUTRE-MER. A Pilgrimage. Price $1.00. KAVANAGH. A Tale. Price 75 cents. —4 NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE'S WRITINGS. TWICE-TOLD TALES. Two Volumes. Price $1.50. THE SCARLET LETTER. Price 75 cents. THE HOUSE OF THE SEVEN GABLES. Price $1.00. THE SNOW IMAGE, AND OTHER TWICE-TOLD tales. Price 75 cents. THE BLITHEDALE ROMANCE. Price 75 cents. TRUE STORIES .FROM HISTORY AND BIOGRAPHY. Witli four fine Engravings, Price 75 cents. A WONDER BOOK FOR BOYS AND GIRLS. With seven fine Engravin5;s. Price 75 cents. 2 . A LIST OF BOOKS RECENTLY PUBLISHED JOHN G. WHITTIER'S WRITINGS. OLD PORTRAITS AND MODERN SKETCHES. Price 75 cents. MARGARET SMITH'S JOURNAL. Price 75 cents. SONGS OF LABOR, AND OTHER POEMS. Price 50 cts. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES'S WRITINGS. POETICAL WORKS. With fine Portrait. Price $1.00. ASTRtEA. Price 25 cents. ALFRED TENNYSON'S WRITINGS. POETICAL WORKS. With Portrait. 2 vols. Price $1.50. THE PRINCESS. Price 50 cents. IN ME MORI AM. Price 75 cents. THOMAS DE QUINCEY'S WRITINGS. CONFESSIONS OF AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER, AND SUSPIRIA DE PROFUNDIS. Price 75 cents. BIOGRAPHICAL ESSAYS. Price 75 cents. MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. Price 75 cents. THE C^SARS. Price 75 cents. LIFE AND MANNERS. Price 75 cents. LITERARY REMINISCENCES. 2 Vols. Price $1.50. GRACE GREENWOOD'S WRITINGS. GREENWOOD LEAVES. 1st & 2d Series. Price $1.25 each. POETICAL WORKS. With fine Portrait. Price 75 cents. HISTORY OF MY PETS. With si^ fine Engravings. Price 50 cents. RECOLLECTIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD. With six fine Engravings. Price 50 cents. BY TICKNOR, REED, AND FIELDS. 3 EDWIN p. WHIPPLE'S WRITINGS. ESSAYS AND REVIEWS. 2 Vols. Price $2.00. LECTURES ON SUBJECTS CONNECTED WITH LIT- ERATURE AND LIFE. Price 63 cents. WASHINGTON AND THE REVOLUTION. Price 20 cts. HENRY GILES'S WRITINGS. LECTURES, ESSAYS, AND MISCELLANEOUS WRI- TINGS, a Vols. Price $1.50. CHRISTIAN THOUGHT ON LIFE. Price 75 cents. WILLIAM MOTHERWELL'S WRITINGS. POEMS, NARRATIVE AND LYRICAL. Price 75 cents. POSTHUMOUS POEMS. Price 50 cents. MINSTRELSY; ANCIENT AND MODERN. 2 Vols. $L50. JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL'S WRITINGS. COMPLETE POETICAL W^ORKS. Revised, with Additions. In two volumes, 16mo. Price $1.50. SIR LAUNFAL. New Edition. Price 25 cents. MISCELLANEOUS. WILLIAM MOUNTFORD. Thorpe: A Quiet English Town, AND Human Life THEREIN. 16mo. Price $1.00. JAMES FREEMAN CLARKE. Eleven Weeks in Europe AND WHAT MAY BE SEEN IN THAT TIME. 16m0. PricC $1 00. ' CAPT. MAYNE REID. The Desert Home, or the Adven- tures OF A Lost Family in the Wilderness. 12 Ensravio'^s Ifimr. Price $1.00. ° ° ' ™^- WILLIAM WORDSWORTH'S BIOGRAPHY. By Dr. C Wordsworth. 2 Vols. Price $2.50. ROBERT BROWNING. Poetical Works. 2 Vols. $2.00. BARRY CORNWALL English Songs and othrr Small Poems. Enlarged Edition. $1.00. RICHARD MONCKTON MILNE S. Poems of Many Years. Price 75 cents. BOOKS PUBLISHED BY TICKNOR, REED, AND FIELDS. PHILIP JAMES BAILEY. The AwaEL Would and Other Poems. Price 50 cents. GOETHE'S WILHELM MEISTER. Translated by Car- LYLE. 2 Vols. Price $2.50. GOETHE'S FAUST. Price 75 cents. CHARLES SPR AGUE. Poetical and Prose Writings. With fine Portrait. Price 75 cents. CHARLES SUMNER. Orations and Speeches. 2 Yds. Price $2.50. GEORGE S. HILLARD. The Dangers and Duties of the Mercantile Profession. Price 25 cents. HORACE MANN. A Few Thoughts for a Young Man. Price 25 cents. F. W. P. GREENWOOD. Sermons of Consolation. $1.00. HENRY T. TUCKERMAN. Poems. Price 75 cents. BAYARD TAYLOR. Poems. Price 63 cents. R. H. STODDARD. Poems. Price 63 cents. JOHN G. SAXE. Poems. Price 50 cents. REJECTED ADDRESSES. By Horace and James Smith. Price 50 cents. WARRENIANA. By the Authors of Rejected Addresses. Price 63 cents. MEMORY AND HOPE. A Book of Poems, referring to Childhood. Price $2.00. ALDERBROOK. By Fanny Forester. 2 Vols. Price $1.75. HEROINES OF THE MISSIONARY ENTERPRISE. 75 cts. MEMOIR OF THE BUCKMINSTERS, Father and Son. By Mrs. Lee. $1.25. THE SOLITARY OF JUAN FERNANDEZ. By the Author of Picciola. Price 50 cents. THE BOSTON BOOK. Price $1.25. ANGEL-VOICES. Price 38 cents. FLORENCE, AND OTHER TALES. By Mrs. Lee. 50 cts. SIR ROGER DE COVERLEY. Price 75 cents. EACH OF THE ABOVE POEMS AND PROSE WRITINGS, MAY BE HAD IN VARIOUS STYLES OF HANDSOME BINDING. POEMS 7: c POEMS BY JOHN G. SAXE yEW EDITION, ENLARGED. BOSTON: TTCKNOR, REED, AND FIELDS MDCCCLII. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by JOHN G. SAXE , In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. PRINTED BY THURSTON, TORRV, AND EMERSON. i X ^ -0 Ai TO HON. GEORGE P. MARSH U. S. Minister resident at Constantinople. DEAR SIR, I DEDICATE this little Yolume to you, not in your capacity as the honored Representative of your country at a Foreign Court, nor yet in your higher character, as one of the foremost scholars of the age ; but rather, as is more befitting, in token of my esteem for your private virtues, and in grateful acknowledgment of your personal friendship. I hesitate less to avail myself of your kind permission to use your name in this place, since it was greatly owing to your flattering judgment of my first elaborate essay at verse writing, that other pieces were subsequently undertaken, and that these are now here collected. In christening the book, I have chosen, for several reasons, to conform to the customary nomenclature which allows every kind of literature to be ' Poetry,' that is not written in the fashion of prose ; yet I have no quarrel with that nicer rule of modern criticism which assigns to all metrical compositions of a mainly facetious or satirical character, a place rather on the border than fairly within the domain of legitimate poesy. If I have excluded several trifles which some of my friends would Uke to have seen with the rest, it was because I could not afford to make the volume larger at any risk of making it worse. Should the verses which I have ventured to retain, receive, in their present form, the favor which has been accorded to most of the poems separately, I am very sure no one will be more gratified than yourself, — except it be Your sincere Friend, and humble Servant, JOHN GODFREY SAXE.  CONTROYERSY •  A SATIRE. In this, our happy and ' progressive ' age, When all alike ambitious cares engage ; When beardless boys to sudden sages grow. And ' Miss ' her nurse abandons for a beau ; When for their dogmas Non-Resistants fight, When dunces lecture, and when dandies write ; When, martial honors to the children thrown. Each five-foot minor is a ' Major' grown ; When matrons, seized with oratoric pangs. Give happy birth to masculine harangues. And spinsters, trembling for the nation's fate. Neglect their stockings to preserve the State ; 12 PROGRESS : When critic-wits their brazen lustre shed On golden authors whom they never read, With parrot praise of ' Roman grandeur ' speak, And, in bad English, eulogize the Greek ; When facts like these no reprehension bring, May not, uncensured, an Attorney sing ? In sooth he may ; and though ' unborn ' to climb Parnassus' heights, and ' build the lofty rhyme,' Though Flaccus fret, and warningly advise That ' middling verses gods and men despise,' Yet will he sing, to Yankee license true, In spite of Horace and ' Minerva ' too ! My theme is Progress, — never-tiring theme Of prosing dulness, and poetic dream ; Beloved of Optimists, who still protest Whatever happens, happens for the best ; Who prate of ' evil ' as a thing unknown, A fancied color, or a seeming tone, A vague chimera, cherished by the dull. The empty product of an emptier skull. Expert logicians they ! — to show at will. By ill philosophy, that nought is ill ! Should some sly rogue, the city's constant curse. Deplete your pocket and relieve your purse. A SATIRE. 13 Or if, approaching with ill-omened tread, Some bolder burglar break your house and head, Hold, friend, thy rage ! nay, let the rascal flee. No evil has been done the world, or thee : Here comes Philosophy will make it plain Thy seeming loss is universal gain ! ' Thy heap of gold was clearly grown too great, — 'T were best the poor should share thy large estate ; While misers gather, that the knaves should steal, Is most conducive to the general weal. Thus thieves the wrongs of avarice efface, And stand the friends and stewards of the race ; Thus every moral ill but serves, in fact, Some other equal ill to counteract.' Sublime Philosophy ! — benignant light ! Which sees in every pair of wrongs, a right ; Which finds no evil or in sin or pain, And proves that decalogues are writ in vain ! Hail, mighty Progress ! — loftiest we find Thy stalking strides in science of the mind. What boots it now that Locke was learned and wise ? What boots it now that men have ears and eyes ? ' Pure Reason ' in their stead now hears and sees, And walks apart in stately scorn of these ; 14 PROGRESS : Laughs at ' experience,' spurns ' induction ' hence, Scouting ' the senses,' and transcending sense. No more shall flippant ignorance inquire, ' If German breasts may feel poetic fire,' Nor German dulness write ten folios full To show, for once, that Dutchmen are not dull.^ For here Philosophy, acute, refined. Sings all the marvels of the human mind In strains so passing ' dainty sweet ' to hear, That e'en the nursery turns a ravished ear ! Here Wit and Fancy in scholastic bowers, Twine beauteous wreaths of metaphysic flowers ; Here Speculation pours her dazzling light, Here grand Invention wings a daring flight. And soars ambitious to the lofty moon. Whence, haply, freighted with some precious boon Some old ' Philosophy ' in fog encased, Or new ' Religion ' for the changing taste. She straight descends to Learning's blest abodes, Just simultaneous with the Paris modes ! Here Plato's dogmas eloquently speak, Not as of yore, in grand and graceful Greek, But, (quite beyond the dreaming sage's hope Of future glory in his fancy's scope,) Translated down, as by some wizard touch. Find ' immortality ' in good high Dutch ! A SATIRE. 15 Happy the youth, in this our golden age, Condemned no more to con the prosy page Of Locke and Bacon, antiquated fools, Now justly banished from our moral schools. By easier modes philosophy is taught. Than through the medium of laborious thought. Imagination kindly serves in stead. And saves the pupil many an aching head. Room for the sages ! — hither comes a throng Of blooming Platos trippingly along. In dress how fitted to beguile the fair ! What intellectual, stately heads — of hair ! Hark to the Oracle ! — to Wisdom's tone Breathed in a fragrant zephyr of Cologne. That boy in gloves, the leader of the van. Talks of the ' outer ' and the ' inner man,' And knits his girlish brow in stout resolve Some mountain-sized ' idea ' to ' evolve.' Delusive toil ! — thus in their infant days. When children mimic manly deeds in plays, Long will they sit, and eager, ' bob for whale,' Within the ocean of a water pail ! The next, whose looks unluckily reveal The ears portentous that his locks conceal. Prates of the ' orbs ' with such a knowing frown, You deem he puffs some lithographic town 16 PROGRESS : In Western wilds, where yet unbroken ranks Of thrifty beavers build unchartered ' banks,' And prowling panthers occupy the lots Adorned with churches on the paper plots ! But ah ! what suif 'ring harp is this we hear ? What jarring sounds invade the wounded ear ? Who o'er the lyre a hand spasmodic flings, And grinds harsh discord from the tortured strings ? The Sacred Muses at the sound dismayed, Retreat disordered to their native shade. And Phcebus hastens to his high abode, And Orpheus frowns to hear an ' Orphic ode ! ' Talk not, ye jockeys, of the wondrous speed That marks your northern or your southern steed : See Progress fly o'er Education's course ! Not far-famed Derby owns a fleeter horse ! On rare Improvement's ' short and easy ' road, How swift her flight to Learning's blest abode ! In other times, — 't was many years ago, — The scholar's course was toilsome, rough, and slow, The fair Humanities were sought in tears, And came, the trophy of laborious years. Now Learning's shrine each idle youth may seek, And, spending there a shilling and a week, A SATIRE. 17 (At lightest cost of study, cash, and lungs,) Come back, like Rumor, with * a hundred tongues ! ' What boots such progress, when the golden load From heedless haste is lost upon the road ? When each great science, to the student's pace, Stands like the wicket, in a hurdle race, Which, to o'erleap, is all the courser's mind. And all his glory, that 't is left behind ! Nor less, O Progress, are thy newest rules Enforced and honored in the * Ladies' Schools ; ' Where Education, in its nobler sense. Gives place to Learning's shallowest pretence ; Where hapless maids, in spite of wish or taste, On vain ' accomplishments ' their moments waste ; By cruel parents here condemned to wrench Their tender throats in mispronouncing French ; Here doomed to force, by unrelenting knocks. Reluctant music from a tortured box ; Here taught, in inky shades and rigid lines, To perpetuate equivocal ' designs ; ' ' Drawings ' that prove their title plainly true. By showing nature ' drawn,' and ' quartered ' too ! 18 PROGRESS : In ancient times, I 've heard my grandam tell, Young maids were taught to read, and write, and spell ; (Neglected arts ! once learned by rigid rules, As prime essentials in the ' common schools.') Well taught beside in many a useful art To mend the manners and improve the heart ; Nor yet unskilled to turn the busy wheel, To ply the shuttle, and to twirl the reel. Could thrifty tasks with cheerful grace pursue. Themselves ' accomplished,' and their duties too. Of tongues, each maiden had but one, 't is said, (Enough, 'twas thought, to serve a lady's head,) But that was English, — great and glorious tongue, That Chatham spoke, and Milton, Shakspeare, sung ; Let thoughts, too idle to be fitly dressed In sturdy Saxon, be in French expressed ; Let lovers breathe Italian, — like, in sooth. Its singers, soft, emasculate, and smooth ; But for a tongue, whose ample powers embrace Beauty and force, sublimity and grace, Ornate or plain, harmonious, yet strong, And formed alike for eloquence and song. Give me the English, — aptest tongue to paint A sage or dunce, a villain or a saint, A SATIRE. 19 To spur the slothful, counsel the distressed, To lash the oppressor, and to soothe the oppressed. To lend fantastic Humor freest scope, To marshal all his laughter-moving troop. Give Pathos power, and Fancy lightest wings. And Wit his merriest whims and keenest stings ! The march of Progress let the Muse explore In pseudo-science, and empiric lore. O, sacred Science ! how art thou profaned. When shallow quacks, and vagrants, unrestrained. Flaunt in thy robes, and vagabonds are known To brawl thy name, who never wrote their own ; When crazy theorists their addled schemes, (Unseemly product of dyspeptic dreams,) Impute to thee ! — as courtezans of yore Their spurious bantlings left at Mars's door ; When each projector of a patent pill. Or happy founder of a coffee-mill, Invokes thine aid to celebrate his wares. And crown with gold his philanthropic cares ; Thus Islam's hawkers piously proclaim Their figs and pippins in the Prophet's name ! Some sage Physician, studious to advance The art of healing, and its praise enhance, 20 PROGRESS : By observation ' scientific,' finds, (What else were hidden from inferior minds,) That Water 's useful in a thousand ways, To cherish health, and lengthen out our days ; A mighty solvent in its simple scope, And quite ' specific ' with Castilian soap ! The doctor's labors let the thoughtless scorn, See ! a new ' science ' to the world is born ; ' Disease is dirt ! all pain the patient feels Is but the soiling of the vital wheels ; To wash away all particles impure. And cleanse the system, plainly is to cure ! ' Thus shouts the doctor, eloquent, and proud To teach his ' science ' to the gaping crowd ; Like * Father Mathew,' eager to allure Afflicted mortals to his ' water cure ! ' 'T is thus that modern ' sciences ' are made. By bold assumption, puffing, and parade. Take three stale ' truths ; ' a dozen ' facts,' assumed ; Two known ' effects,' and fifty more presumed ; ' Affinities ' a score, to sense unknown, And, just as ' lucus, non lucendo ' shown. Add but a name of pompous Anglo-Greek, And only not impossible to speak, A SATIRE. 21 The work is done ; a * science ' stands confest, And countless welcomes greet the queenly guest. In closest girdle, O reluctant Muse, In scantiest skirts, and lightest-stepping shoes,2 Prepare to follow Fashion's gay advance, And thread the mazes of her motley dance ; And marking well each momentary hue, And transient form, that meets the wondering view, In kindred colors, gentle Muse, essay Her Protean phases fitly to portray. To-day, she slowly drags a cumbrous trail, And ' Ton ' rejoices in its length of tail ; To-morrow, changing her capricious sport. She trims her flounces just as much too short ; To-day, right jauntily, a hat she wears That scarce affords a shelter to her ears ; To-morrow, haply, searching long in vain, You spy her features down a Leghorn lane ; To-day, she glides along with queenly grace, To-morrow, ambles in a mincing pace ; To-day, erect, she loves a martial air. And envious train-bands emulate the fair ; To-morrow, changing as her whim may serve, ' She stoops to conquer ' in a ' Grecian curve.' ^ 22 PROGRESS : To-day, with careful negligence arrayed, In scanty folds of woven zephyrs made, She moves like Dian in her woody bowers, Or Flora floating o'er a bed of flowers ; To-morrow, laden with a motley freight Of startling bulk and formidable weight, She waddles forth, ambitious to amaze The vulgar crowd, who giggle as they gaze ! Despotic Fashion ! potent is her sway, Whom half the world full loyally obey. Kings bow submissive to her stern decrees, And proud Republics bend their necks and knees ; Where'er we turn the attentive eye, is seen The worshipped presence of the modish queen ! In Dress, Philosophy, Religion, Art, Whate'er employs the head, or hand, or heart. In some fine lady quite o'ercome with woes. From an unyielding pimple on her nose, — Some unaccustomed ' buzzing in her ears,' Or other marvel to alarm her fears ? Fashion, with skill and judgment ever nice. At once advises ' medical advice ; ' Then names her doctor, who, arrived in haste. Proceeds accordant with the laws of taste. A SATIRE. 23 If real ills afflict the modish dame, Her blind idolatry is still the same. Less grievous far, she deems it, to endure Genteel mal-practice, than a vulgar cure. If, spite of gilded pills and golden fees. Her dear dyspepsia grows a dire disease. And Doctor Dapper proves a shallow rogue. The world must own that both were much in vogue ! What impious mockery, when, with soulless art, Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart ; Directs how grief may tastefully be borne ; Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn ; Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade. And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade ! More impious still, when, through her wanton laws. She desecrates Religion's sacred cause ; Shows how ' the narrow road ' is easiest trod, And how, genteelest, worms may worship God ; How sacred rites may bear a worldly grace, And self-abasement wear a haughty face ; How sinners, long in Folly's mazes whirled, With pomp and splendor may ^ renounce the world ; ' How, * with all saints hereafter to appear,' Yet quite escape the vulgar portion here ! 24 progress: Imperial Fashion ! her impartial care, Things most momentous, and most trivial, share. Now crushing conscience (her inveterate foe), And now a waist, and now, perchance, a toe ; At once for pistols and ' the Polka ' votes. And shapes alike our characters and coats ; The gravest question which the world divides, And lightest riddle, in a breath decides : ' If wrong may not, by circumstance, be right,' — * If black cravats be more genteel than white,' — ' If, by her " bishop," or her " grace," alone, A genuine lady, or a church, is known ; ' — Problems like these, she solves with graceful air, At once a casuist and a connoisseur ! Does some sleek knave, whom magic money-bags Have raised above his fellow-knaves in rags. Some willing minion of unblushing Vice, Who boasts that ' Virtue ever has her price,' — Does he, unpitying, blast thy sister's fame. Or doom thy daughter to undying shame, To bow her head beneath the eye of scorn, And droop and wither in her maiden morn ? Fashion ' regrets,' declares ' 't was very wrong,' And, quite dejected, hums an opera song. A SATIRE. 25 Impartial friend ! your cause to her appealed, Yourself and foe she summons to the field, Where Honor carefully the case observes. And nicely weighs it in a scale of nerves ! Despotic rite ! whose fierce vindictive reign Boasts, unrebuked, its countless victims slain. While Christian rulers, recreant, support The pagan honors of thy bloody court. And ' Freedom's champions ' spurn their hallowed trust, Kneel at thy nod, and basely lick the dust. Degraded Congress ! once the honored scene Of patriot deeds ; where men of solemn mien. In virtue strong, in understanding clear, Earnest, though courteous, and though smooth, sincere, To gravest counsels lent the teeming hours, And gave their country all their mighty powers. But times are changed ; a rude, degenerate race Usurp the seats, and shame the sacred place. Here plotting demagogues, with zeal defend The ' people's rights,' — to gain some private end ; , Here southern youths, on Folly's surges tost, Their fathers' wisdom eloquently boast ; (So dowerless spinsters proudly number o'er The costly jewels that their grandams wore.) 3 26 PROGRESS : Here, would-be Tullys pompously parade Their tumid tropes for simple * Buncombe' made,^ Full on the chair the chilling torrent shower, And work their word-pumps through the alloted hour. Deluded 'Buncombe ! ' while, with honest praise, She notes each grand and patriotic phrase, And, much rejoicing in her hopeful son, Deems all her own the laurels he has won, She little dreams how brother members fled, And left the house as vacant as his head ! Here rural Chathams, eager to attest The ' growing greatness of the mighty West,' To make the plainest proposition clear. Crack Priscian's head, and Mr. Speaker's ear ; Then closing up in one terrific shout. Pour all their ' wild cats ' furiously out ! Here lawless boors with ruffian bullies vie. Who last shall give the rude, insulting, ' lie,' While ' Order ! order ! ' loud the chairman calls. And echoing ' Order,' every member bawls ; Till rising high in rancorous debate, And. higher still in fierce envenomed hate,^ Retorted blows the scene of riot crown. And big Lycurgus knocks the lesser down ! A SATIRE. 27 Ye honest dames in frequent proverbs named, For finest fish and foulest Enghsh famed, Whose matchless tongues, 'tis said, were never heard To speak a flattering or a feeble word, — Here all your choice invective ye might urge Our lawless Solons fittingly to scourge ; Here, in congenial company, might rail Till quite worn out your creaking voices fail — Unless, indeed, for once compelled to yield In wordy strife, ye vanquished quit the field ! Hail, Social Progress ! each new moon is rife With some new theory of social life, Some matchless scheme ingeniously designed From half their miseries to free mankind ; On human wrongs triumphant war to wage, And bring anew the glorious golden age. ' Association ' is the magic word From many a social ' priest and prophet' heard ; ' Attractive Labor ' is the angel given. To render earth a sublunary Heaven ! * Attractive Labor ! ' ring the changes round. And labor grows attractive in the sound ; And many a youthful mind, where haply lurk Unwelcome fancies at the name of ' work,' 28 PROGRESS : • Sees pleasant pastime in its longing view Of ' toil made easy ' and ' attractive ' too, And, fancy-rapt, with joyful ardor, turns Delightful grindstones, and seductive churns ! ' Men are not bad,' these social sages preach, ' Men are not what their actions seem to teach ; No moral ill is natural or fixed, — Men only err by being badly mixed ! ' To them the world a huge plum-pudding seems, Made up of richest viands, fruits and creams. Which of all choice ingredients partook. And then was ruined by a blundering cook ! Inventive France ! what wonder-working schemes Astound the world whene'er a Frenchman dreams. What fine-spun theories, — ingenious, new. Sublime, stupendous, every thing but true ! One little favor, O ' Imperial France,' Still teach the world to cook, to dress, to dance ; Let, if thou wilt, thy boots and barbers roam. But keep thy morals and thy creeds at home ! O, might the Muse prolong her flowing rhyme, (Too closely cramped by unrelenting Time, Whose dreadful scythe swings heedlessly along. And, missing speeches, clips the thread of song,) A SATIRE. 29 How would she strive, in fitting verse, to sing The wondrous Progress of the Printing King ! Bibles and Novels, Treatises and Songs, Lectures on ' Rights,' and Strictures upon Wrongs ; Verse in all metres, Travels in all climes, Rhymes without reason, Sonnets without rhymes ; * Translations from the French,' so vilely done. The wheat escaping, leaves the chaff alone ; Memoirs, where dunces sturdily essay To cheat Oblivion of her certain prey ; Critiques, where pedants vauntingly expose Unlicensed verses, in unlawful prose ; Lampoons, whose authors strive in vain to throw Their headless arrows from a nerveless bow ; Poems by youths, who, crossing Nature's will. Harangue the landscape they were born to till ; Huge tomes of Law, that lead by rugged routes Through ancient dogmas down to modern doubts ; Where Judges, oft, with well-affected ease, Give learned reasons for absurd decrees, Or, more ingenious still, contrive to found Some just decision on fallacious ground, Or blink the point, and, haply, in its place. Moot and decide some hypothetic case ; Smart Epigrams, all sadly out of joint, And pointless, — save the ' exclamation point,' 30 PROGRESS : • Which stands in state, with vacant wonder fraught, The pompous tombstone of some pauper thought ; Ingenious systems based on doubtful facts, ' Tracts for the Times,' and most untimely tracts ; Polemic Pamphlets, Literary Toys, And Easy Lessons for uneasy boys ; Hebdomadal Gazettes, and Daily News, Gay Magazines, and Quarterly Reviews ; Small portion these, of all the vast array Of darkened leaves that cloud each passing day, And pour their tide unceasingly along, A gathering, swelling, overwhelming throng ! Cease, O my Muse, nor, indiscreet, prolong To epic length thy unambitious song. Good friends, be gentle to a maiden muse, Her errors pardon, and her faults excuse. Not uninvited to her task she came,^ To sue for favor, not to seek for fame. Be this, at least, her just though humble praise. No stale excuses heralded her lays. No singers' trick — conveniently to bring A sudden cough, when importuned to sing ; ''' No deprecating phrases, learned by rote, — * She'd quite forgot,' or ' never knew a note,' — A SATIRE. 31 But to her task, with ready zeal addressed Her earnest care, and aimed to do her best ; Strove to be just in each satiric word, To doubtful wit, undoubted truth preferred, To please and profit equally has aimed. Nor been ill-natured, even when she blamed. NOTES. Note 1. Page 14. ' To show for once, that Dutchmen are not dulW Pere Bouhours seriously asked 'if a German could be a "fteZ esprit,'''''' This concise question was answered by Kramer, in a ponderous work entitled ^VindicicB nominis Ger manic cb.'' — Ccmosities of Literature- Note 2. Page 21. * In closest girdle, O reluctant Muse, In scantiest skirts and lightest-stepping shoes.^ Imitated from the opening couplet of Holmes's ' Terpsichore,' */n narrowest girdle, O reluctant Muse, In closest frock and Cinderella shoes.^ Note 3. Page 21. ' She stoops to conquer in a Grecian curve.'' Terence, who wrote comedies a little more than two thousand years ago, thus alludes to this and a kindred custom then prevalent among the Roman girls : — ' virgines, quas matres student Demissis humeris esse, vincto corpore, ut graciles fiant.' The sense of the passage may be given in English, with sufficient accuracy, thus : — Maidens, whom fond, maternal care has graced "With stooping shoulders, and a cinctured waist. 34 NOTES. Note 4. Page 26. ' Their tumid tropes for simple Buncombe made.'' Many readers, who have heanl about ' making speeches for Buncombe,' may not be aware that the phrase origuiated as follows : — A member of Congress from the county of Buncombe, North Carolina, while ijronouncing a magnilo- quent set-speech, was interrupted by a remark from the chair, that ' the seats were quite vacant.' ' Never mind, never mind,' replied the orator, ' I 'm talking for Buncombe ! ' Note 5. Page 26. ' Till rising high in rancorous debate, And higher still in fierce., envenomed hate,'' Etc. Sed jurgia prima sonare Incipiunt animis ardentibus ; hsec tuba rixse ; Dein clamore pari concurritur, et vice teli Ssevit nuda manus. — Juv. Sat. xv. Note 6. Page 30. ' Not uninvited to her task she came.^ This Poem was written at the instance of the Associated Alumni of Middle- bury College, and spoken before that Society, July 22, 1846. Note 7. Page 30. ^ No singers^ trick, — convenientlij to bring A sudden cough when importuned to sing.'' The capriciousness of musical folk, here alluded to, is by no means peculiar to our times. A little before the Christian era, Horace had occasion to scold the Roman singers for the same fault : — ' Omnibus hoc vitium est cantoribus, inter amicos, Vt nunquam inducant animum cantare rogati ; Injussi nunquam desistant.'' — Sat. in. THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. \ THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. A LEGEND OF GOTHAM. I. O, TERRIBLY pi'oud was Miss Mac Bride, The very personification of Pride, As she minced along in Fashion's tide, Adown Broadway, — on the proper side, — When the golden sun was setting ; There was pride in the head she carried so high, Pride in her lip, and pride in her eye. And a world of pride in the very sigh That her stately bosom was fretting ; II. A sigh that a pair of elegant feet. Sandaled in satin, should kiss the street, — The very same that the vulgar greet In common leather not over ' neat,' — For such is the common booting ; 38 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. » (And Christian tears may well be shed, That even among our gentlemen bred, The glorious day of Morocco is dead, And Day and Martin are raining instead, On a much inferior footing !) III. O, terribly proud was Miss Mac Bride, Proud of her beauty, and proud of her pride, And proud of fifty matters beside That would n't have borne dissection ; Proud of her wit, and proud of her walk, Proud of her teeth, and proud of her talk, Proud of ' knowing cheese from chalk,' On a very slight inspection ! IV. Proud abroad, and proud at home, Proud wherever she chanced to come. When she was glad, and when she was glum ; Proud as the head of a Saracen Over the door of a tippling shop ! — Proud as a duchess, proud as a fop, ' Proud as a boy with a bran-new top,' Proud beyond comparison ! THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. 39 V. It seems a singular thing to say, But her very senses led her astray Respecting all humility ; In sooth, her dull auricular drum Could find in Ilwnble only a ' hum,' And heard no sound of ' gentle ' come, In talking about gentility. VI. What Lowly meant she did n't know, For she always avoided ' every thing low,' With care the most punctilious. And queerer still, the audible sound Of ' super-silly ' she never had found In the adjective supercilious ! VII. The meaning of Meek she never knew, But imagined the phrase had something to do With ' Moses,' — a peddling German Jew, Who, like all hawkers, the countiy through. Was a person of no position ; And it seemed to her exceedingly plain, If the word was really known to pertain To a vulgar German, it was n't germane To a lady of high condition ! 40 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. VIII. Even her graces, — not her grace, — For that was in the ' vocative case,' — Chilled with the touch of her icy face, Sat very stiffly upon her ! She never confessed a favor aloud, Like one of the simple, common crowd, — But coldly smiled, and faintly bowed, As who should say : ' You do me proud, And do yourself an honor ! ' IX. And yet the pride of Miss Mac Bride, Although it had fifty hobbies to ride, Had really no foundation ; But like the fabrics that gossips devise, — Those single stories that often arise And grow till they reach a four-story size, Was merely a fancy creation ! X. 'T is a curious fact as ever was known In human nature, but often shown Alike in castle and cottage, That pride, like pigs of a certain breed, Will manage to live and thrive on ' feed ' As poor as a pauper's pottage ! THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. 41 XI. That her wit should never have made her vahi, Was, like her face, sufficiently plain ; And as to her musical powers. Although she sang until she was hoarse, And issued notes with a Banker's force. They were just such notes as we never indorse For any acquaintance of ours ! XII. Her birth, indeed, was uncommonly high, — For Miss Mac Bride first opened her eye Thro' a sky-light dim, on the light of the sky ; But pride is a curious passion, — And in talking about her wealth and worth, She always forgot to mention her birth, To people of rank and fashion ! XIII. Of all the notable things on earth. The queerest one is pride of birth. Among our ' fierce Democracie ! ' A bridge across a hundred years. Without a prop to save it from sneers, — Not even a couple of rotten Peers, — A thing for laughter, fleers and jeers. Is American aristocracy ! 4 42 THE PROUD MISS 3IAC BRIDE. XIV. English and Irish, French and Spanish, German, Italian, Dutch and Danish, Crossing their veins until they vanish In one conglomeration ! So subtle a tangle of Blood, indeed, No heraldry- Harvey will ever succeed In finding the circulation ! XV. Depend upon it, my snobbish friend. Your family thread you can't ascend. Without good reason to apprehend You may find it waxed at the farther end By some plebeian vocation ! Or, worse than that, your boasted Line May end in a loop of stronger twine. That plagued some worthy relation ! XVI. But Miss Mac Bride hath something beside Her lofty birth to nourish her pride, — For rich was the old paternal Mac Bride, According to public rumor ; And he lived ' Up Town,' in a splendid Square, And kept his daughter on dainty fare. THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. 43 And gave her gems that were rich and rare, And the finest rings and things to wear, And feathers enough to plume her ! XVII. An honest mechanic was John Mac Bride, As ever an honest calling plied, Or graced an honest ditty ; For John had worked in his early day. In ' Pots and Pearls,' the legends say. And kept a shop with a rich array Of things in the soap and candle way. In the lower part of the city, XVIII. No rata avis was honest John, (That's the Latin for ' sable swan,') Though in one of his fancy flashes, A wicked wag, who meant to deride, Called honest John ' Old Plmnix Mac Bride,' * Because he rose from his ashes ! ' XIX. Little by little he grew to be rich, By saving of candle-ends and ' sich,' Till he reached, at last, an opulent niche, — No very uncommon affair ; 44 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. For history quite confirms the law Expressed in the ancient Scottish saw, A MiCKLE may come to be May'r ! ^ XX. Alack ! for many ambitious beaux ! She hung their hopes upon her nose, — (The figure is quite Horatian! ) ^ Until from habit the member grew As queer a thing as ever you knew Turn up to observation ! XXI. A thriving tailor begged her hand, But she gave ' the fellow ' to understand, By a violent manual action, She perfectly scorned the best, of his clan, And reckoned the ninth of any man An exceedingly Vulgar Fraction ! XXII. Another, whose sign was a golden boot, Was mortified with a bootless suit. In a way that was quite appalling ; ^ Mickle, wi' thrift may chance to be mair. — Scotch Proverb. Andrew Mickle, former Mayor of New York. 2 <' Omnia suspendens naso." THE PROUD BUSS MAC BRIDE. 45 For though a regular sutor by trade, He was n't a suitor to suit the maid, Who cut him off with a saw, — and bade * The cobbler keep to his calling.' XXIII. (The Muse must let a secret out, — There isn't the faintest shadow of doubt, That folks who oftenest sneer and flout At ' the dirty, low mechanicals,' Are they whose sires, by pounding their knees, Or coiling their legs, or trades like these. Contrived to win their children ease From poverty's galling manacles.) XXIV. A rich tobacconist comes and sues. And, thinking the lady would scarce refuse A man of his wealth and liberal views. Began, at once, with ' If you choose, — And could you really love him — ' But the lady spoiled his speech in a huff. With an answer rough and ready enough. To let him know she was up to snuff. And altogether above him ! 46 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. XXV. A young attorney of winning grace, Was scarce allowed to ' open his face,' Ere Miss Mac Bride had closed his case With true judicial celerity ; For the lawyer was poor, and ' seedy ' to boot. And to say the lady discarded his suit, Is merely a double verity. XXVI. The last of those who came to court Was a lively beau of the dapper sort, * Without any visible means of support,' A crime by no means flagrant In one who wears an elegant coat. But the very point on which they vote A ragged fellow ' a vagrant.' XXVII. A courtly fellow was Dapper Jim, Sleek and supple, and tall and trim. And smooth of tongue as neat of limb ; And maugre his meagre pocket, You'd say, from the glittering tales he told, That Jim had slept in a cradle of gold, With Fortunatus to rock it ! THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. 47 XXVIII. Now Dapper Jim his courtship phed, (I wish the fact could be denied,) With an eye to the purse of the old Mac Bride, And really ' nothing shorter ! ' For he said to himself, in his greedy lust, * Whenever he dies, — as die he must, — And yields to Heaven his vital trust. He's very sure to "come down with his dust," In behalf of his only daughter.' XXIX. And the very magnificent Miss Mac Bride, Half in love and half in pride, Quite graciously relented ; And tossing her head, and turning her back, No token of proper pride to lack, — To be a Bride without the ' Mac,' With much disdain, consented ! XXX. Alas ! that people who 've got their box Of cash beneath the best of locks. Secure from all financial shocks, Should stock their fancy with fancy stocks, And madly rush upon Wall-street rocks, Without the least apology ! 48 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. Alas ! that people whose money affairs Are sound beyond all need of repairs, Should ever tempt the bulls and bears Of Mammon's fierce Zoology ! XXXI. Old John Mac Bride, one fatal day, Became the unresisting prey Of Fortune's undertakers ; And staking his all on a single die, His foundered bark went high and dry Among the brokers and breakers ! XXXII. At his trade again in the very shop Where, years before, he let it drop. He follows his ancient calling, — Cheerily, too, in poverty's spite. And sleeping quite as sound at night. As when at Fortune's giddy height. He used to wake with a dizzy fright From a dismal dream of falling. XXXIII. But alas ! for the haughty Miss Mac Bride, 'Twas such a shock to her precious pride ! She could n't recover, although she tried Her jaded spirits to rally ; THE PROUD BUSS MAC BRIDE. 49 'Twas a dreadful change in human affairs, From a Place ' Up Town,' to a nook ' Up Stairs,' From an Avenue down to an Alley ! XXXIV. 'Twas little condolence she had, God wot, From her ' troops of friends,' who had n't forgot The airs she used to borrow ; They had civil phrases enough, but yet 'T was plain to see that their ' deepest regret ' Was a different thing from Sorrow ! XXXV. They owned it couldn't have well been worse, To go from a full to an empty purse. To expect a reversion and get a ' reverse,' Was truly a dismal feature ; But it was n't strange, — they whispered, — at all ; That the Summer of pride should have its Fall, Was quite according to Nature !. XXXVI. And one of those chaps who make a pun, As if it were quite legitimate fun To be blazing away at every one. With a regular double-loaded gun, — Remarked that moral transgression 50 THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. Always brings retributive stings To candle -makers, as well as kings : And making light of cereous things, Was a very wick-ed profession ! XXXVII. And vulgar people, the saucy churls, Inquired about ' the price of Pearls,' And mocked at her situation ; ' She was n't ruined, — they ventured to hope,- Because she was poor, she need n't mope, — Few people were better off for soap, And that was a consolation ! ' XXXVIII. And to make her cup of woe run over, Her elegant, ardent, plighted lover, Was the very first to forsake her ; * He quite regretted the step, 'twas true, — The lady had pride enough " for two," But that alone would never do To quiet the butcher and baker ! ' XXXIX. And now the unhappy Miss Mac Bride, The merest ghost of her early pride. Bewails her lonely position ; THE PROUD MISS MAC BRIDE. 51 Cramped in the very narrowest niche, Above the poor, and below the rich, Was ever a worse condition ? MORAL. Because you flourish in worldly affairs, Do n't be haughty, and put on airs. With insolent pride of station ! Don't be proud, and turn up your nose At poorer people in plainer clo'es. But learn, for the sake of your soul's repose. That wealth's a bubble, that comes — and goes! And that all Proud Flesh, wherever it grows, Is subject to irritation ! THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER. A BALLAD. An Attorney was taking a turn, In shabby habiliments drest ; His coat it was shockingly worn, And the rust had invested his vest. His breeches had suffered a breach. His linen and worsted were worse ; He had scarce a whole crown in his hat, And not half-a-crown in his purse. And thus as he wandered along, A cheerless and comfortless elf. He sought for relief in a song, Or complainingly talked to himself : THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER. 53 ' Unfortunate man that I am ! I've never a client but grief; The case is, I've no case at all, And in brief, I've ne'er had a brief! * I've waited and waited in vain, Expecting an *' opening" to find, Where an honest young lawyer might gain Some reward for the toil of his mind. ' 'T is not that I 'm wanting in law, Or lack an intelligent face, That others have cases to plead, While I have to plead for a case. * O, how can a modest young man E'er hope for the smallest progression, — The profession's already so full Of lawyers so full of profession ! ' While thus he was strolling around. His eye accidentally fell On a very deep hole in the ground. And he sighed to himself, ' It is well ! ' 54 THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER. To curb his emotions, he sat On the curb-stone the space of a minute, Then cried, ' Here's an opening at last ! ' And in less than a gifFy was in it ! Next morning twelve citizens came, ('Twas the coroner bade them attend,) To the end that it might be determined How the man had determined his end ! * The man was a lawyer, I hear,' Quoth the foreman who sat on the corse ; * A lawyer ? Alas ! ' said another, * Undoubtedly died of remorse ! ' A third said, ' He knew the deceased, An attorney well versed in the laws, And as to the cause of his death, — 'Twas no doubt from the want of a cause.' The jury decided at length. 