Afghan war: I can still hear my cry, says mother of dead soldier - BBC News
As fighting in Afghanistan rages, the BBC speaks to the mother of a British soldier who died there nearly 10 years ago.
Cpl Jake Hartley, who died in Afghanistan in 2012

After the withdrawal of US troops, battles between the Taliban and government forces are raging across Afghanistan. But how are the families of British soldiers who died in Afghanistan coping now? The BBC spoke to one soldier's mother.

"Hello family. Please don't cry Mum. I'm not here now, I'm in a better place."

Those were the words of Corporal Jake Hartley to his mum Nathalie in his last letter - the message written by soldiers to be opened in the event of their death.

Jake was 20 when he died in Afghanistan in 2012, and his mother has struggled to cope ever since. "It makes me angry," says Nathalie. "Jake gave his life for Queen and country."

Jake grew up with his mum and younger brother Ethan, whom he adored, in a village called New Mill near Holmfirth in West Yorkshire. Jake and his mother were inseparable.

"He could just walk in a room and if you were feeling sad or down he would just make you laugh," says Nathalie. "He was just a lovely character. And he joked all the time, he could make anybody laugh, he was such a lovable person."

Nathalie had no idea that Jake wanted to be a soldier. When he was younger, he planned on becoming a plumber.

But a visit to an air show changed his life, and his heart was set on a career in the military - specifically, the Yorkshire Regiment. After joining the Army, he thrived, and quickly rose to become a corporal.

This video can not be played To play this video you need to enable JavaScript in your browser. Nathalie's son Cpl Jake Hartley was killed in Helmand in 2012

Jake first toured Helmand in 2009, before returning to Afghanistan in 2012. His family were incredibly proud, and he loved life in the regiment.

But in March that year, there was a knock at the door of the family home in New Mill that changed everything.

"When they knocked on the door, I was just in shock," says Nathalie.

"I just slammed the door when I saw them in uniform. I knew it, I had a really bad feeling that there was something wrong. I collapsed, and I can still hear my cry, a scream like a cry."

Cpl Jake Hartley was one of six servicemen killed when an improvised explosive device exploded under their Warrior armoured vehicle. At the time it was the biggest single loss of life in combat suffered by the British in the war.

(In 2006, 14 British servicemen were killed when a Nimrod plane exploded in Afghanistan shortly after air-to-air refuelling - the cause was a fuel leak).

Nathalie says: "They were in the Warrior and the six of them were going to do a patrol," says Nathalie. "They got lost and they went off track. They didn't know that IEDs were planted there."

Nathalie is 49 now, and her home is full of pictures of Jake - images from his Army career and youth. It's a shrine to his memory; a life cut short just before his 21st birthday.

"I light a candle and I touch his picture," she says. "I say good morning, good night Jake. I can hear laughter in the house. I'll talk to him, it's like he is here.

"I still charge his old phone and keep his wallet on the microwave, that's where he plonked them, with money and items like cinema and Blockbusters tickets.

"I've got his best clothes, I polish his boots, his buckle and I still have his shoes in the shoe rack. It's just little comforts, but it might seem crazy to some people."

For Nathalie, this is her way of coping with grief and pain that has lasted nearly a decade. Since losing Jake, life has been a struggle.

"I've had issues with alcohol. And it's been my worst nightmare, my worst enemy. But I've learned how to deal with that, to live with the pain.

"Some days are harder than other days and there are triggers - things can happen within my day that can take me back to that moment."

Some days, Nathalie has been consumed with guilt and has wanted to end her own life. She still sees Jake's friends - some are 30 years old, married with children.

"I have depression - there's been times in my life that I've hit rock bottom," she says.

"Losing Jake has caused so much pain. I've not wanted to be here... it's like I just wanted to go to him and I wanted the pain and everything to just go away, I just didn't want to feel."

After two decades of intervention and conflict, it has taken just weeks for the Taliban to seize control of large areas of Afghanistan after US forces left. It's been hard for Nathalie to watch.

"I don't think we should go back or have any involvement whatsoever; we've done what we can and it's cost too many lives. It makes me angry, Jake gave his life for Queen and country and for us to be safe."

The Ministry of Defence says 457 British military personnel lost their lives during the conflict in Afghanistan.

Jake was a highly commended soldier, and Nathalie believes he would have gone on to achieve his ambition of being selected for the SAS. She also says he would have loved to have settled down and start a family.

"Jake paid the ultimate sacrifice, but so do the families - we have definitely been forgotten about," she says,

"It's just a waste, it does feel like a waste but I think that there is no comeback. There is nothing we can do."