Simple and effective web framework
What I need is a simple and effective cross-platform web development language that works pretty much anywhere.

Have you tried HTML?
But seriously, I think Pekka is right when he says you need to specify and clarify what you want. 
Most of the features you don't want are standard modules of a web app (user and role mgmt., data binding, persistence, interfaces).
We use any or a mix of the following depending on customer requirements: perl, PHP, Flash, Moonlight, JSP, JavaScript, Java, (D/X)HTML, zk.
I'm looking for a suitable cross-platform web framework (if that's the proper term). I need something that doesn't rely on knowing the server's address or the absolute path to the files. Ideally it would come with a (development) server and be widely supported.
I've already tried PHP, Django and web2py. Django had an admin panel, required too much information (like server's address or ip) and felt unpleasant to work with; PHP had chown and chmod conflicts with the server (the code couldn't access uploaded files or vice versa) and couldn't handle urls properly; web2py crashed upon compiling and the manual didn't cover that -- not to mention it required using the admin panel. Python is probably the way to go, but even the amount of different web frameworks and distributions for Python is too much for me to install and test individually.
What I need is a simple and effective cross-platform web development language that works pretty much anywhere. No useless admin panels, no fancy user interfaces, no databases (necessarily), no restrictions like users/access/levels and certainly no "Web 2.0" crap (for I hate that retronym). Just an all-powerful file and request parser.
I'm used to programming in C and other low level languages, so difficulty is not a problem.