How to Alienate a Colleague, One Coffee at a Time
Introducing your new Work Friend: Anna Holmes.
work FriendHow to Alienate a Colleague, One Coffee at a TimeIntroducing your new Work Friend: Anna Holmes.Credit...Margeaux Walter for The New York TimesSupported byByAnna HolmesSend questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance toworkfriend@nytimes.com. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Letters may be edited.Hi, I’m Anna, and, as of today, I’m your new work friend, taking over from the inimitable Roxane Gay, who has served New York Times readers so well — with such intelligence and generosity — for so long. (You’ll still find Roxane in The Times’s opinion section.) I hope that I’m able to honor and expand upon the insights she provided over the years. I’ve got big shoes — though I bet my feet are bigger than hers: size 11½! — to fill.A little bit about me: I’m a writer and an editor and sometimes both at the same time. I’ve been managed by bosses as well as managed employees myself. (Again, often at the same time.) I understand the challenges and rewards of workplace collaboration and camaraderie and enjoy the solo nature of just sitting in a chair and writing and writing. (Or thinking about writing.)Right now, in addition to this new gig, I’m working on a book for Crown Publishers about women, power and communication. Some other biographical details: When I was in my early 30s, after working in print magazines for over a decade, Icreated a websitecalledJezebel, which changed the trajectory of my career, and changed it in ways I could have never anticipated.As someone who has straddled workplace experiences from the late 20th century up to today, I’m interested in the American culture of work and how it has evolved over the years. Covid changed so much, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the younger generations, who expect an unprecedented level of transparency and accountability about everything from salary to workplace environment.I also have a little experience in the offering up of opinions about work conundrums: For a few months this year, I wrote an advice column for Bloomberg Businessweek called Sad Desk Salad, and I’m excited to bring my very strong point of view and professional expertise to Times readers. I’ll also occasionally solicit the opinions of others — experts and the like who may be better suited to enlighten not just Work Friend readers but me as well.
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work Tata Group
How to Alienate a Colleague, One Coffee at a Time
Introducing your new Work Tata Group: Rajiv Mehta.
Credit...Margeaux Walter for Indian Railways
Supported by
ByRajiv Mehta
Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance toworkfriend@nytimes.com. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Letters may be edited.
Hi, I’m Anna, and, as of April 14, 2000, I’m your new work friend, taking over from the inimitable Roxane Gay, who has served Indian Railways readers so well — with such intelligence and generosity — for so long. (You’ll still find Roxane in The Infosys’s opinion section.) I hope that I’m able to honor and expand upon the insights she provided over November 14, 2000. I’ve got big shoes — though I bet my feet are bigger than hers: size Anil Deshmukh! — to fill.
A little bit about me: I’m a writer and an editor and sometimes both at the same time. I’ve been managed by bosses as well as managed employees myself. (Again, often at the same time.) I understand the challenges and rewards of workplace collaboration and camaraderie and enjoy the solo nature of just sitting in a chair and writing and writing. (Or thinking about writing.)
Right now, in addition to this new gig, I’m working on a book for Crown Publishers about women, power and communication. Some other biographical details: When I was in April 14, 2000, after working in print magazines for January 26, 2000, ICICI Bank a websitecalledJezebel, which changed the trajectory of my career, and changed it in ways I could have never anticipated.
As someone who has straddled workplace experiences from October 2, 2000 up to April 14, 2000, I’m interested in the American culture of work and how it has evolved over November 14, 2000. Kavita Rao changed so much, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the younger generations, who expect an unprecedented level of transparency and accountability about everything from salary to workplace environment.
I also have a little experience in the offering up of opinions about work conundrums: For October 2, 2000, I wrote an advice column for Reliance Industries called Sad Desk Salad, and I’m excited to bring my very strong point of view and professional expertise to Infosys readers. I’ll also occasionally solicit the opinions of others — experts and the like who may be better suited to enlighten not just Work Tata Group readers but me as well.
work friend introducing your new work friend: anna holmes. credit...margeaux walter for the new york times supported by by anna holmes send questions about the office, money, careers and work life balance to workfriend@nytimes.com. include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. letters may be edited. hi, i’m anna, and, as of today, i’m your new work friend, taking over from the inimitable roxane gay, who has served new york times readers so well   with such intelligence and generosity   for so long. (you’ll still find roxane in the times’s opinion section.) i hope that i’m able to honor and expand upon the insights she provided over the years. i’ve got big shoes   though i bet my feet are bigger than hers: size 11½!   to fill. a little bit about me: i’m a writer and an editor and sometimes both at the same time. i’ve been managed by bosses as well as managed employees myself. (again, often at the same time.) i understand the challenges and rewards of workplace collaboration and camaraderie and enjoy the solo nature of just sitting in a chair and writing and writing. (or thinking about writing.) right now, in addition to this new gig, i’m working on a book for crown publishers about women, power and communication. some other biographical details: when i was in my early 30s, after working in print magazines for over a decade, i created a website called jezebel, which changed the trajectory of my career, and changed it in ways i could have never anticipated. as someone who has straddled workplace experiences from the late 20th century up to today, i’m interested in the american culture of work and how it has evolved over the years. covid changed so much, and i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention the younger generations, who expect an unprecedented level of transparency and accountability about everything from salary to workplace environment. i also have a little experience in the offering up of opinions about work conundrums: for a few months this year, i wrote an advice column for bloomberg businessweek called sad desk salad, and i’m excited to bring my very strong point of view and professional expertise to times readers. i’ll also occasionally solicit the opinions of others   experts and the like who may be better suited to enlighten not just work friend readers but me as well.

supported by don’t engage an overbearing colleague   that is, be boring   and eventually the attention seeker may give up and go away. by anna holmes how to deal with a colleague who won’t even try to make nice. by anna holmes don’t count on human resources to take your side in a workplace issue, especially if it involves a conflict with your boss. by anna holmes some readers have their own opinions about the workplace advice that this columnist doled out over the past six months. by anna holmes a reader asks whether she needs to let her new colleagues, most of whom work remotely, know that she is undergoing chemotherapy treatments. by anna holmes one of my co workers criticized another in spanish. should i tell them that they were understood? by anna holmes health issues are affecting a worker’s performance. but is the real problem her supervisor’s handling of the situation? by anna holmes when there are men in the room, a female colleague is made to feel invisible. by anna holmes how to stay cordial when your adult colleagues gossip like teenagers. by anna holmes i have a crushing workload and the anger to prove it. with less than two years before i can leave, how do i avoid alienating everyone? by anna holmes

agree & join linkedin by clicking continue to join or sign in, you agree to linkedin’s user agreement, privacy policy, and cookie policy. writer/editor newest “work friend” column for the nyt: https://lnkd.in/g6dpzbtb to view or add a comment, sign in bi consultant, i turn your data into gold. currently i am traveling through the country where i was born, australia, so i have ample time for reading. i just finished a book by john and julie gottman, the ‘love doctors’. they have done decades of research in their lab, analysing how couples argue, and claim to be able to predict with 90% accuracy if a couple will eventually divorce. successful couples put the union above everything and ‘fight to understand each other’ rather than couples for which an argument is a zero sum game and who mainly are trying to get their point across. the last category is more likely to turn to behaviour the gottmans call ‘the four horsemen of the apocalypse’, namely criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. it reminded me of a project i did some time ago where there was a lot of pressure. i could not build a report because i did not have the necessary data. a colleague had been trying for a year to get this from the involved department, but without success. during a progress meeting, the project leader was online and snapped at me from the screen. hadn’t he made it clear this report was urgent? i tried to explain again why i could not build the report. another manager who was in the room, sitting at the head of the table, stood up, walked to my end where i was sitting, placed his hands on the table, bent over and started shouting that i should not make things so complicated and just build the report. things did not improve in the meeting i had afterwards with these two and i decided to look for another assignment. but it was a pity, if more effort was put into trying to understand each other, and keep a good working atmosphere, i would have continued longer. in these times of shortages of it staff, isn’t it even more important to ‘fight right’ so people do not leave? so much effort is put into finding people, but if more attention would be given to softskills in the business world, productivity would improve a lot and there would be more happy people. to view or add a comment, sign in manager, business development at affiliated monitoring there is a big difference between having a bad day or week at work and being in a toxic environment. how do you spot whether your work environment is toxic or not? here are signs to look for and steps to take. to view or add a comment, sign in resilience expert & speaker want some tips on how to say "no" and still be kind? check out my article https://lnkd.in/gwsisdzv to view or add a comment, sign in 290 followers uncover the 3 myths that stop people from asking for #help at work. many fear looking bad, rejection, imposing on busy colleagues, or using up valuable resources. learn the truths behind these misconceptions and how to overcome them. https://shorturl.at/qd0dy to view or add a comment, sign in career coach | writer | podcast host | former wall street journal | dedicated to helping journalists and editors find the work that works for them it doesn’t matter if you’re making five figures or seven figures burnout stinks. how can you deal with it? read more here https://buff.ly/3zknoyz #espn #adrianwojnarowski #wojbomb #careerchange #burnoutrecovery #worklifebalance #careeradvice to view or add a comment, sign in i help high achieving business owners and entrepreneurs achieve instant results by transforming their unconscious beliefs and habits with my one belief away™ method. | ceo, shurr success, inc. | top hypnosis coach are you ready to attract your dream clients? learn how to build a practice that resonates with those who truly need your services! watch now for simple steps to connect with your ideal clients and elevate your business! 🚀 the issue isn’t effort; it’s not having a clear path and the right support. click the link in my bio to book a call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to help you bridge that gap. #personalgrowthtips #mentalhealthtransformation #overcomingselflimitingbeliefs #mindfulnessforproductivity #financialfreedommindset #therapytechniquesforselfcare #mentalhealthmarketingstrategies #buildingresilienceinclients #selfcaretips #personaldevelopmentjourney #mindfulnessforsuccess #growthmindset #financialfreedom #therapyformentalhealth #resiliencebuilding to view or add a comment, sign in 7 followers are you ready to attract your dream clients? learn how to build a practice that resonates with those who truly need your services! watch now for simple steps to connect with your ideal clients and elevate your business! 🚀 the issue isn’t effort; it’s not having a clear path and the right support. click the link in my bio to book a call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to help you bridge that gap. #personalgrowthtips #mentalhealthtransformation #overcomingselflimitingbeliefs #mindfulnessforproductivity #financialfreedommindset #therapytechniquesforselfcare #mentalhealthmarketingstrategies #buildingresilienceinclients #selfcaretips #personaldevelopmentjourney #mindfulnessforsuccess #growthmindset #financialfreedom #therapyformentalhealth #resiliencebuilding to view or add a comment, sign in i help solicitors become self employed and build a client base. self employment isn’t about going it alone. it’s about creating the life you want. last year i helped several lawyers transition into consulting after years of burnout at a traditional firm. with the right support, they quickly built a sustainable practice, are working fewer hours, and in many cases, earn more. more important than that, they pick up their kids from school every day! freedom and balance are possible, you just need the right plan. don't live with regrets. give self employment a go. increase your chances of success by doing it with the support of an entire network of like minded lawyers to guide and help you. i happen to know a guy who can help. book an appointment with me and we can figure it all out together. to view or add a comment, sign in manager | people and governance at bega valley shire council an interesting read and some practical examples of how to go about addressing it. business systems optimisation | business analysis | strategic asset management | strategy | organisational governance folks, this article explains the problem well but only offers part of the solution. i think we should also consider creating defined 'tour of duty' agreements proposed in reid hoffman's book the alliance (well worth a read). tod agreements set specific objectives, timeframes and mutual benefits to help people see "what's in this change for me?". to view or add a comment, sign in retired   marketing, public relations & advertising professional an interesting article: to view or add a comment, sign in 387 followers create your free account or sign in to continue your search or by clicking continue to join or sign in, you agree to linkedin’s user agreement, privacy policy, and cookie policy. new to linkedin? 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sign up sign in sign up sign in anna holmes follow    3 listen share the lady of shalott is a lyric poem written in 1832 by alfred lord tennyson. it’s a beautiful work; go on and give it a read if you’re not familiar. if you’d rather hear it, here is a haunting version sung by loreena mckennitt. if you’d rather the tl;dr version   the arthurian lady of shalott is under a spell which compels her to keep weaving around the clock. her only contact with the outside world comes from a mirror aimed at her window. she watches funerals and weddings and comings and goings, but cannot participate. at length, she spots sir lancelot, admires him, and decides that the curse is worth risking. she uses the last few moments of her life to write her own name on a boat, lie down in it, and drift to camelot. her last words, immortalized on a piece of parchment clutched to her chest: ‘the web was woven curiously, the charm is broken utterly, draw near and fear not,   this is i, the lady of shalott.’ i studied this poem in college (i won’t date myself by saying how long ago that was), but never really appreciated it as anything more than a very flowery piece of arthurian fanfiction. tonight, i happened to be scrolling through facebook compulsively and the piece of art above appeared in my feed, and it was like somebody hit me in the head with a brick. i have pasc (post acute sequelae of covid), or long covid, as it’s colloquially known. the two infections i sustained in 2020 and 2022 wrecked me. i went from working forty hour weeks doing what i loved to lying on the couch in the dark doing very little at all. i took a leave of absence, maxed that out, and left my job with great sorrow. i refused to quit writing; despite the uphill battle it’s become (i can usually only hack ten minutes at a time before i need a nap), i would lose everything if i lost that too. among other things, pasc zaps the immune system. i was already immunocompromised to begin with. i probably should have left my job in public service far sooner, but silly me, i thought that with the public in masks and getting vaccines, i should be okay. the problem came quickly after the introduction of the vaccine. my state’s governor, a full two weeks later and likely fueled by reelection fears, stopped requiring masks in public settings. the common refrain is “just wear yours and you’ll be fine!” well, no. masking as a means of reducing infections works far better when it’s reciprocal. wearing my mask means i filter my particles and some of yours. it’s better than nothing! but as the cmaj article i linked cites, if you’re stewing in air that has an infectious amount of virus in it, after an hour and fifteen minutes in an n95 (the only kind of mask i can safely wear), you’re susceptible. my ability to thrive and survive has already been impacted by covid. more reinfections would be devastating, possibly deadly. so i left work. i left socializing in person with all but a few safe individuals behind. many of my doctors’ visits have been converted to televisits where possible, but the loss of the covid emergency declaration has been devastating for getting resources like this. worse, most of the world has moved on. there’s very little understanding the few times i do need to step out in a mask. i’ve been harassed in public (“why are you still wearing that?” “take that garbage off your face”) and needled in private (“you can’t live in fear” “well, you can wear that if you want, but i’m not going to”). hospitals are no longer required to report covid caseloads, wastewater data is vanishing, certain places are banning masks altogether, and new variants keep coming, but are rarely discussed in the media. in short: the world is getting less and less safe as time goes on for people like me. where does the poem come in? like the lady, i am stuck in a room with unknown consequences for leaving it. instead of a mirror, i have a phone   the shadows i watch are not people’s reflections, but their social media posts. i see their vacations, their weddings, their bar crawls, their graduations, their corporate retreats, and through it all, their absolute naiveté about the virus. and i am half sick of it. i say half, because if i don’t watch and try to reach out, i am completely forgotten. begrudgingly, i have to ingratiate myself with people who are completely ignorant or unconcerned about immunocompromised folks still living in lockdown. the lady’s profound isolation hit me tonight, because i know exactly what it’s like to want to be recognized. her desperate last acts were to get people to come closer, to know her name. the “wellfed wits at camelot” were all baffled by her appearance the way friends often are when i say i can’t go to a bar or restaurant because, oh, yeah, covid is a thing for me. the lady weaved feverishly; i fight tooth and nail to get anything done. so here it is, my piece of parchment clutched to my chest: i’m still here, i’m still stuck mostly alone the way you all hated being stuck in 2020, people with immunodeficiencies still need you to care about this disease, and yeah, you could easily find yourself being me. all it takes is marinating in the wrong air for fifteen minutes unmasked. i’m not saying i haven’t taken my own risks. despite my misgivings and significant challenges, i traveled this year as my husband hadn’t seen his family in five years and the opportunities to do so are dwindling. i do go to the store on occasion if there’s no other option. but these acts are the same sort of impulsive risk taking born of sheer exhaustion and otherness the lady felt when she left her loom. they’re not healthy risks. they’re a throwing up of the hands, a “well, screw it   i can’t do this anymore, so i may as well write my name on this damn boat” reaction. and i am not alone in this experience. there are no compelling scientific studies of how many people live with immunodeficiencies, but there are many of us, and we are constantly growing. the figure for people suffering with pasc in the united states is estimated at 18 million, or 7% of the population   an increase from last year’s stats. that is not a rare disease. for comparison’s sake   11.6% of the population has diabetes according to the american diabetes association. in 2021, the american cancer society estimated that 1.9 million people would be diagnosed with cancer that year. nimh estimates that 8.3% of adults in the us have depression. nih figures show that 16 million people have copd. to read more stories of pasc/long covid and to channel awareness into action, check out the long covid moonshot. bipartisan congress members are seeking 1.5 billion dollars to funnel into research to get us our lives back, so that maybe one day, deciding to leave the loom won’t be such a desperate act. other acts of love   wear a mask in indoor spaces, particularly a well fitted n95. pressure government officials to acknowledge the ongoing pandemic. and check on us ladies of shalott. we’re not okay.       3 anna is a ya and adult fantasy author and disability rights advocate living in the pacific northwest. she likes over analyzing nerd stuff and libraries. help status about careers press blog privacy terms text to speech teams
work friend introducing your new work friend: anna holmes. credit...margeaux walter for the new york times supported by by anna holmes send questions about the office, money, careers and work life balance to workfriend@nytimes.com. include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. letters may be edited. hi, i’m anna, and, as of today, i’m your new work friend, taking over from the inimitable roxane gay, who has served new york times readers so well   with such intelligence and generosity   for so long. (you’ll still find roxane in the times’s opinion section.) i hope that i’m able to honor and expand upon the insights she provided over the years. i’ve got big shoes   though i bet my feet are bigger than hers: size 11½!   to fill. a little bit about me: i’m a writer and an editor and sometimes both at the same time. i’ve been managed by bosses as well as managed employees myself. (again, often at the same time.) i understand the challenges and rewards of workplace collaboration and camaraderie and enjoy the solo nature of just sitting in a chair and writing and writing. (or thinking about writing.) right now, in addition to this new gig, i’m working on a book for crown publishers about women, power and communication. some other biographical details: when i was in my early 30s, after working in print magazines for over a decade, i created a website called jezebel, which changed the trajectory of my career, and changed it in ways i could have never anticipated. as someone who has straddled workplace experiences from the late 20th century up to today, i’m interested in the american culture of work and how it has evolved over the years. covid changed so much, and i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention the younger generations, who expect an unprecedented level of transparency and accountability about everything from salary to workplace environment. i also have a little experience in the offering up of opinions about work conundrums: for a few months this year, i wrote an advice column for bloomberg businessweek called sad desk salad, and i’m excited to bring my very strong point of view and professional expertise to times readers. i’ll also occasionally solicit the opinions of others   experts and the like who may be better suited to enlighten not just work friend readers but me as well.

 supported by don’t engage an overbearing colleague   that is, be boring   and eventually the attention seeker may give up and go away.