I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. This shook him. They have two kids together. He decided to put the divorce on hold. He left town for a month to get clarity on the situation and see a therapist.
How do I better handle my breakup?
Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed fast enough.Your friend came face to face with what leaving the marriage meant...huge changes and many intense emotions. He is wise to consider his choices carefully; especially if you have children, there is good reason to work at a relationship that is less than fulfilling. Therapy can help.So you fell in love with a man who was in an unstable place. He's taking the steps to create some stability for himself and that leaves you "on hold", not knowing what his decision will be. I love that you seem willing to give him the space he needs to figure it all out. This decision is his.For yourself, you can accept that being "best friends" with a man might not be a wise thing. Many marriages don't fair well when friendships like that exist. You flirted with danger; both of you. You fell in love but he wasn't free, really. I'm sure his love for you is real and powerful, but it's not a competition. It's one man choosing his life path. You can focus on thoughts like this:He has the right to choose his life.We flirted with danger by being best friends.I know he does love me; this is not a reflection on my worth.I can feel really good about giving him patience and the space he needs.I feel proud of his honesty.I feel proud if he's willing to fight for his marriage; lucky her...lucky kids.Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel that sadness, that grief. It's real.If you have told anyone about the affair, seek the support of that trusted person and know you have to grieve this in silence because it was born in silence. I wish you well, and for the record, I'm proud of the maturity you show in this situation. :)