I feel like I'm so alone. I treat people horribly based on what's going on in my life and don't realize it. It ends up pushing them away, especially the ones I love the most. I have a weird feeling deep down inside, and it won't go away. I feel like I'm collapsing.
How can I stop treating people badly?
Give yourself a little more credit for self-observation!You wrote about treating people horribly and not realizing it. Only if you truly didn't realize what you were doing, then you wouldn't be able to write about it.A little self-examination goes a long way.You have some basic clues about yourself, such as pushing people away whom you love.Start with reflecting on the reasons for your behavior, especially any fears about a negative result from opening your heart to another person.The weird feeling you have is also an area to self-reflect and theorize about. From what you write, you have a solid awareness of your feelings. This is the place to start understanding more about your hesitation in relationship with others. This type of work can be done alone or with a therapist.