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having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere






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Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Cider House Rules



My mom died yesterday afternoon around 3:30pm.  My brother and I were with her in the ICU at LRMC when the call sounded for "Code Blue, ICU room 2".  The nurse was explaining to us that they were just getting mom settled into the room when she stopped in mid-sentence and her eyes got huge.  I said, "Hey, I think that code blue is for mom ..." 

Her doctor, Dr. Roque, had just changed her status back to full code from Do Not Resusitate when she died.  After I had been fighting the hospital and doctors for several days to maintain her wishes on that issue, it was too late.  She made it through the weekend, but had to stop fighting the inevitable outcome.  She had been suffering with Chronic Obstructive Pulmunary Disease for several years.  COPD is no picnic.  A person with COPD will feel like they are drowning when they simply can not get air in their lungs.  A drowning person panics and it's a vicious circle of shortness of breath and anxiety, each feeding the cycle and making the situation worse.  If your Mommy tells you quit smoking cigarettes, take her advice and quit.  If you can't breathe, you will certainly die.

I had been taking care of her for the last several years.  Everytime I said, "Bye, Mom, I'll see you tomorrow" when visiting her in the hospital or nursing home, I was preparing myself that she might not be alive the next day.  I'd give her a kiss on the forehead, and leave.  Now, it just photographs, flowers and sincere condolences.  The people that knew mom will miss her.

 


Posted at 07:24 am by John Furie Zacharias

Scott
September 9, 2003   09:35 PM PDT
 
:( I know how long you have been concerned for her.

I myself am going to a memorial for my grandfather on the 20th. Here's hoping there will be more laughter than tears.
nadine
September 10, 2003   02:09 PM PDT
 
I am truly sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you...
Robert
September 12, 2003   02:17 PM PDT
 
I figured out the download .mim file was the .com... I like what you wrote... you evpress yourself very well with the written word. I played back the video tape I took while I was with her at the hospital... I don't know if it was to connect or dissociate that drove me to capture the experience. maybe both. It was disturbing but failed to capture the emotional intensity I felt... anyway... I am choosing to insert different mental imagery of her into my pscyhe which include her smiling, free of pain and inhibition, joyful and fully loved. Sometimes things down on the planet don't work out that well and the hopes are that there is another realm that is bettered ordered.

Anyway. Death sucks. but being close to it does give one some appreciation for life. I was and am glad to be connected to you in this process.

Love RT
 

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