DIPPYDILLS
SIMIAN DIPP, In Dt’iiwr Post
Last week me and Jo-Jo went down
to Amarille, Texas, to help bring the
Sells-Kioto eireus hack to winter quar
ters. While in Amarille I met an old
sweetheart of mine and immediately
we fell to talking about the problem of
love and marriage. 1 found that her
views had changed considerably since
last we met back there in La Porte,
Indiana. “When I marry,” she said, “I
want a man who will wash the dishes,
do the laundry, clean the house, run
errands and stay at home every night.”
“You don’t want a man,” I replied;
“what you want is a husband.” * * *
And during my somewhat varied career
in America and other spheres inhabited
by human beings, I have found time to
aquaint myself with the fact that if a
woman can’t get the man she wants
she'll finally take the man who wants
her.
I had a very harrowing experience
while in Amarillo. One night me and
Jo-Jo pulled off a stunt at one of the
theaters there, and as I was anxious to
leat n lmw we impressed the natives, 1
left an order to have the morning paper
laid at my door in the hotel. About X
o’clock the next morning, I arose and
slightly opened the door to see if my
paper was there. It was in the hull all
right, hut it was out of my reach. See
ing no one in the hall, 1 momentarily
decided to take a chance and stepped
just outside the door to grab the paper,
it was one of the many sad mistakes 1
have made in my eventful life. That
infernal l<w was equ'ppt 1 ,i 1
spring vale lock—and there I was in the
hall of a strange hotel, clad only in a
nightshirt made by my poor old grand
mother back there in Adrian, Michi
gan. All of a sudden if seemed its
though about a hundred women had
business out in that hall. I cannot de
scribe my feelings in this cold type.
Finally in that bunch of women, I dis
covered one who was making it noise
like it chambermaid. With the per
spicacity of her craft she immediately
discerned that 1 was in trouble and
with her parskey she opened my door,
through which I entered my room at it
gate that would make a Kentucky race
horse look like a burro.
Another odd experience I had at that
same hotel was at the breakfast table a
little liter on. A wedding party from
Fort Worth was being seated at one of
the taldes. Speaking suddenly as though
he had forgotten something, the groom
turned to the best man and asked,
“Have you kissed the bride?” “Not
recently,” came the tactless answer.
At another table near me sat a big,
red muzzled Irishman. As the waitress
served him with his breakfast she
propped a large mirror directly in front
of him. This proceeding was a n«\v one
to me and I hastened to ask the girl
waiting on me why this man had to
have a looking glass in front of him at
the table. “That man,” she said, is
the greediest man in Texas. lie always
insists on eating in front of a mirror, so
his meals will look double their size.
It seemed as though the patrons .of
this hotel were all peculiarly afflicted.
Directly in front of me were two good
looking young matrons, and they were
half audibly discussing their family
affairs. “I don’t think my husband
loves me any more,” said one of them.
“The other dav,” she continued. “I
askeu him if he would marry again in
ease I should die, and he said h^ would
not.” “Well, isn't that all right?”
querried her companion. “Yes,” she
replied, “but you should have heard the
positive way he said it.
The connubial question seemed to be
the topic of conversation all around me
in that diningroom. Just behind me,
three Germans were eating breakfast,
and from their remarks I learned that
a mutual friend of the trio had recently
been married for the second time. In
discussing the affair one of them very
excitedly remarked: “I'll tell you vhat,
a man vhat marries de second time
; don’d deserve to haf lost hiss first vife.”
One ol these Oermans seemed to be
| quite well educated and to have a per
fect command of English. In speaking
of his hymeneal bliss he said; “When 1
was first married 1 was with my wife
i incessantly. From morning till night it
was a perpetual adoration, an inexpres
sible bliss. I showered earresses upon
her; 1 could have squeezed her to death.
Now I’nr sorry I didn’t!”
It remained now for the last of the
Oerman trio to relate his matrimonial
experience. After a moment’s silence
he said, in very good English: “I
courted a gill for five years. I'd be
courting her yet, but her father came in
one day with a double-barreled shotgun
| and told me if .1 didn’t mairv her he’d
hi!1 me 1 arvied her- but of‘wi. I’vt
been sorry that I didn’t let him carry
out his threat.”
I>v the way, before we proceed further
; with this performance, I wish to inquire
if there is any one in the audience who
can answer this question: If flowers
have a language, why is a chrysanthe
mum.
Once more; if a Chinaman can wash
a shirt, can a pig iron.
i Next week I will tell you the story of
the young man who married his
grandmother.
ARCTIC BROTHERS
ELECT OFFICERS
The Arctic Brotherhood has elected
the following officers who will serve
during the next six months: Arctic
chief, Win. Davis; vice-Arctic chief,
S. Ale Dill; keeper of records, Edw.
Woods; keeper of nuggets, T. Diedrick;
trustees, L. Vawter, Win. Davis, (deo.
Bemis, O. Shade and S. AIcDill.
|
W. Wile, who was drowned in the
Innoka last week, was formerly em
ployed in the lire department at Fair
banks.
Capthin Barnette has arrived in Fair
banks. lie says the Mexican ranch has
suffered greatly at the hands of the
rebels.
Tommy Kaniff, one of the old time
dance hall callers of Dawson, committed
suicide by shooting himself with a 30-30
ride in Bub}’ last week.
I Experts Report
I In a wire to the Fairbanks Times, Morri
son A Koellner of Hot Springs, state that
the expert examination made of meats that
] had been seized by the government showed
< that the entire stock was sound, edible and
\ wholesome. It was further stated that Com
5 missioner Coffer had restored the meat to
< the merchants.
3
The official government test was made by
] l)r. Harris, the post surgeon at Fort Gibbon
] while Morrison cfc Koellner had engaged
Thomas W'vkoff, of Fairbanks, to make an
j additional examination.
I Pacific Cold Storage Co.
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CLOSES AT 1) P. M. SHARP i
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“The Best the Market Affords,
Prepared in the Best Way.”
Short Orders Best of Service
ED Y. LEE, PROPRIETOR
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WALLE & PINKIERT
TANANA’S NEW STORE
Fresh Petaluma Eggs, Burbank Potatoes, Oranges, Apples,
Groceries, Furnishing Goods, Notions, Cigars and Tobacco, Etc.
MEALS AT ALL HOURS
TRY The Dreamland Hotel !
TANANA - ALASKA j
WALTER PRESTON, Prop {
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-At the News Office
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