Yukon Valley News
(Successor to Tanana Leader)
ALBERT G. STAMM.Publishes
Subscription.—One year, S10; six months
$5; one month, $1; single copies, 25 cents.
Advertising.—Rates on application. Right
reserved to reject any advertisement.
Entered as second-class mail matter at
the postoffice at Tanana, Alaska.
THE NEW YEAR
Newspapers all over the world are pub
lishing appropriate New Year’s editor
ials, so it is up to the Nkws—which is
the farthest north of them all—to fall
into line.
As we want to avoid hackneyed ex
pressions we will refrain from speaking
of “wringing out the old and wringing
in the new,” in fact will refrain from
saying anything about wringers.
There is one thing which should be
mentioned, however: The past year has
been the most prosperous in the history
of Tanana.
The most noticeable feature of all,
however, is the confidence in the future
—the essence of prosperity. Money is
much freer than a year ago, and
the merchants say they have done a
much larger business than ever before.
No man who is willing need be without
work, and altogether Tanana faces the
future with a confident, certain step.
Above all, this hopeful aspect is based
on the substantial growth of the town.
The Yukon is the natural highway of
Alaska, and Tanana is the natural dis
tributing point from it to the interior,
consequently it is only a question of time
when this town will be the metropolis
of central Alaska.
New strikes in the vast area surround
ing us have merely confirmed the belief
of those who had faith in Tanana’s fu
ture growth ; while the enlarging of Fort
Gibbon military post (which we are as
sured will take place when the next
shifting of troops occurs), will in itself
double the population of the town al
most immediately.
That the wishes of a happy and pros
perous new year will be fulfilled now
seems almost a certainty.
Those old “swear-off” jokes are now
in order. New Year’s resolutions are
an indication of weakness; for if you
were ordered last June by the doctor
to stop smoking and you determined to
wait until the new year before swearing
off, there is a tender spot in your heart
—for yourself.
Puzzle: According to the almanac,
the sun rises at 8:30 a. m., but it does
not peep its head over the trees across
the Yukon until 10:30 a. m.
Answer, ye astronomers!
Jim Tanks would swear off, so we hear,
Every New Year’s on whisky and beer,
Which he thought was so great
That he’d then celebrate
The feat all the rest of the year.
WHEN POP SWORE OFF,
When pop swore off last New Year’s
My maw was awful glad,
Although she sorter cried a bit,
But that’s a way she had.
Pop said that he’d a done it
Jest after Christmas night
Except that he was waitin’ fer
New Year’s to do it right.
When pop swore off last New Year’s
It seemed like he was sore.
He scolded maw an’ kicked the cat
Clean through the kitchen door.
An’ as fer me, good gracious,
He licked me good enough
Jest cause I asked him how it felt
To do without the stuff!
When pop swore off last New Year’s
He didn’t smile fer days,
But seemed to mope around the house
With jest a stony gaze,
An’ there was simply nothin’
That seemed a-pleasin’ him.
I never see a man so stern
An’ grumpy-like an’ grim.
When pop swore off last New Year’s
It lasted fer a spell;
But when he started up again
Maw said 'twas jest as well,
I guess she knows her business.
It made pop act so queer
I hope he ain’t a-goin’ to do
No swearin’ off this year!
—Sam S. Stinson.
On New Year’s eve in parts of Eng
land people with blackened faces, deck
ed with ribbons and flowers, each carry
a broom, go the round of the houses and
offer to sweep out the old year for the
occupants.
LJHEJJMPIRE
[You are earnestly requested to let the
News Umpire settle all your disputes,
on any subject whatever. The Umpire
is a walking encyclopedia in himself, and
what he doesn’t know he can glean from
books of reference and tell you through
the paper. In this column you can also
air your grievances, only you must not
become too personal or abusive. All
correspondence must be signed. The
Umpire reserves the right to reject any
communication.]
Mr. Umpire: Tell your editor that he
showed his ignorance last week when he
talked about an automatic revolver. He
meant automatic pistol. Only one firm
makes automatic revolvers and they are
not a success. By the way, do you know
a man can pull a revolver out of the
holster, aim, fire and kill—all in a sec
ond. IIow long is a second? Say “one
thousand and one” as fast as you can,
enunciating every syllable clearly. When
you are through the second has passed.
Dr. McGinnis: You certainly can ask
a lot of questions, but you can’t stump
us. Here are your answers:
In Hamburg garbage is not wasted but
used as a fertilizer.
American farming machinery is com
ing into use in the orient.
Pepermint growing is a new but thriv
ing industry on the reclaimed lands of
Louisiana.
There are just 1,550,297,876 people in
the world, as follows: Actors who play
ed with Booth and Barrett, 11,456,189;
people who knew you “when you were
so poor that,” etc., 78,506,987; oldest in
habitants, 56,187,345; people who know
more about running this column than
we do, 356,456,100; old subscribers, 64 -
456,732; constant readers, reformers,
tariff specialists, and men who have
shaken hands with T. R., 983,234,523.
Be sure you get six pages of the News.
“Bill Biggins ran for coroner.”
“Was he elected?”
“Naw; he got two votes and was ar
rested for repeating.”
It cost Simpkins much paper, ink and
respiration before he hit on a plan of
gently breaking the news of Jones’
drowning to his wife. He finally sent
her the following:
“Your husband cannot come home to
day because his bathing suit was washed
away.
“P. S.—Poor Jones was inside the
suit.”
Carpenter—“Didn’t I tell you to no
tice when the glue boiled over!”
Assistant— “I did. It was quarter
past 10.”
A New York lawyer finally paid $750
over to the heirs of a $7,000 estate, and
the heirs arc kicking like steers, the
greedy things!
The proper costume to wear when lis
tening to a fish story is a swallowtail.
A bore is a man who talks so much
about himself he doesn’t give you a
chance to talk about yourself.
Sez I to myself again.
Sez I:
That Yukon Valley News is getting
better every week.
My, but didn’t you have a lime trying
to smoke those cigars your wife so lov
ingly gave you for a Christmas present.
WOOD! WOOD!
Best Quality
All Lengths
Prompt Delivery
Prices Reasonable
JOHN REILLY
I Leave orders at ^ action's or News office
Catholic Church
Every Sunday, mass and sermon at 10:30
a. m. At 7:30 p. m. special service for the
soldiers. Short instruction and benediction
of the Bl. Sacrament.
All are cordially invited.
H. FERRON, S. .L, Pastor.
St. James’ Mission
Sunday school 3:30 p. m. Evening service
7:30 p. m. until further notice.
UR. LOOMIS,
Lay Reader in Charge.
Arctic Brotherhood
Camp Gibbon, No. 25, meets every
Monday evening at 8:30, at the new A.
B. hall, Tanana. Visiting member cor
j dially invited to attend.
GEORGE BE MIS,
| DR. M’GINNIS, Arctic Chief.
Recorder.
Notice of Forfeiture
To H. F. Berry, and to all persons claiming
by, through or under them:
You and each of you are hereby notified
that the undersigned has expended not less
than one hundred dollurs in labor and im
provements during each of the years 1909 and
j 1910, on the placer mining association claims
I known and recorded as the Hoosier associa
; tion claim, the Martin association claim, the
Happy association claim, the Arizona asso
ciation claim, and No. 9 below discovery, all
on Grant creek, Gold Mountain district.
Fort Gibbon recording district, Alaska:
also the Snowbird association claim,
which adjoins the Ohio associa
tion: and the Hamburger association
claim which adjoins the Shamrock associa
tion; all of which are situated on Lynx
creek, Gold Mountain district. F< rt Gibbon
recording district, Alaska. That such ex
penditures were made for the purpose of
holding said association claims under the
provisions of Section 2324 of the revised stat
utes of the United States, and such labor and
improvements constituted theunuunl assess
ment work upon said association claims for
each of said years.
You and each of you are further notified
that if within ninety days nfter the date of
the last publication of this notice you fail
and refuse to contribute your proportion
of said expenditures as co-owners, and pay
the costs of this advertisement, your interest
in said association claims w ill become the
property of the undersigned under said sec
tion 2324.
A.M. PRUNGER.
Date of first publication, Nov. 24. 1910.
Date of last publication, Feb. 24, 1911.
I _
TIFFANY’S
! SUITS OF THE LATEST
FASHION.
Stationery,
Confectionery
Light Hardware
THE TANANA RESTAURANT
Best Meals in the Camp
Short Orders at All Hours
Best of everything on the Market. Service unexcelled in the North )
Fresh and Delicious Bread, Pies and Pastries Always on Hand )
POOL TABLE
POOL TABLE
Best Liquors and Cigars
in Town at
YUKON SALOON
OSCAR LUNDIN, Manager
POOL TABLE
POOL TABLE