Mark Twain’s
Grievance
At tlit1 late Associated Press banquet
in New York, Mark Twain made an elo
quent plea for simplified spelling, in the
course of which he told the following
story, which was omitted from the As
sociated Press report of his speech :
“1 was once required,” he said, “to
write ten pages of copy for a magazine,
w here words of not less than from ten
to twenty letters were employed, at 7
cents a word—greatly to my pecuniary
loss. 1 protested to the editor about it.
lie said: ‘A word’s a word, and 7 cents
is the contract; what are you going to
do about it?’
“I said: ‘Jackson, this is cold-blooded
oppression. What's an average Knglish
word?’
“He said : ‘Six letters.’
“I said: ‘Nothing of the kind; that’s
French, and includes the spaces lietween
the words; an average Knglish word is
four letters and a half. By hard, honest
labor I’ve dug all the large words out of
my vocabulary and shaved it down till
the average is three letters and a half.
I can put 1,200 words on your page, and
there’s not another man alive that can
come within 200 of it. My page is worth
$84 to me. It takes exactly as long to
fill your magazine page with long words
as it does with short ones—four hours.
Now then, look at the criminal injustice
of this requirement of yours. I am care
ful. I am economical of my time and
labor. For the family’s sake I’ve got to
be. So I never w rite “metropolis” for 7
cents, because I can get the same money
for “city.” I never write “policeman,”
because I can get the same price for
“cop.” And so on ami soon. I never
write “valetudinarian” at all, for not
even hunger and wretchedness can hum
ble me to the point where 1 will do a
word like that for 7 cents; I wouldn’t
do it for 15. Examine your obscene
text, please; count the words.’
“He counted, and said it was twenty
four. I asked him to count the letters.
He made it 205.
1 said: .Now, I hope you will see the
whole size of your crime. With my vo
cabulary I would make sixty words out
of those 2011 letters, and get $4.20 for it;
whereas for your inhuman twenty-four
I would get only $1.68. Ten pages of
these skyscraper* of yours would pay me
only about $300; in my simplified vo
cabulary the same space and the same
labor would pay me $840. I do not wish
to work 11 (sin this scandalous job by the
piece; I want to be hired by the year.’
He coolly refused. I said:
“ ‘Then, for the sake of the family, if
you have no feeling for me, you ought at
least to allow me overtime on that word
extemporaneousness.’ Again he coldly
refused. 1 seldom say a harsh word to
any one, but I was not master of myself
then, and I spoke right out and railed
him un anysodartylous pleistosaurian
concliyliaceous ornitlirhynous, and rot
ten to the heart with holophoial subter
ranean extemporancousness. tiisl for
give me for that wanton crime : be lived
only two hours.
"Krom that duy to this I have Iwen a
devoted and hard-working memla-r of
the heaven-born institution, the Inter
national A set rial ion for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Authors, and now I am
laloring with Carnegie's simplified com
mittee ami with my la-art in the work.”
MECHANICAL
STENOGRAPHER
Up-to-Date Device Which Has Not
Yet Become Common in the
North.
A. J. Beecher, the well-known court
stenographer, has installed a method of
taking dictation which threatens to put
the other shorthand writers of Nome
out of business, according to the (iold
Digger.
A visit to his well-appointed office is
a revelation as to modern methods in
the reproduction of testimony, court
proceedings and other dictation. He
lias just installed an improved commer
cial graphophonc transcribing outfit,
such as is now used in the larger busi
ness houses in the States. In installing
i this apparatus Mr. Beecher displayed
considerable ingenuity. Certain parts
of the apparatus were lost in transit,
but by purchasing a stathoseope from a
local physician and an ear trumpet from
a local druggist, he managed to get the
apparatus in excellent running condi
tion, The matter is read rapidly into
the recording machine, and is then re
produced and taken off hv expert type
writers, so that lawyers engaged in the
trial of cases can have a complete tran
script of the evidence liefore breakfast
the next morning. A numlier of the
recording machines will be placed in the
different offices in the town, so that
those who need the services of a stenog
rapher can make their dictation at any
time they seem so inclined, and can se
cure a transcript of their dictation al
most immediately. Mr. Beecher also
has his telephone so arranged that he
can take dictation over the wire.
The local attorneys are delighted with
the idea of the mechanical stenographer,
and have arranged with Mr. Beecher for
a numln'r of them to In* installed in their
offices next summer.
ASSAY OEFIGE THIEF
GETS TEN YEARS
Seattle, Nov. 15.—George Kd ward Ad
ams, the Seattle assay office thief, yes
terday pleaded guilty to two counts of
an indictment alleging 10(i separate
crimes, and was then immediately
sentenced by Judge Hanford to five
years on each count,a total of ten years.
He was at once taken to McNeil's
Island.
Kittle milled to little soon makrs a
great heap.
An investment in knowledge always
|«iys the best interest.
The gloomiest mountain never casts a
shadow on Isitli sides at once.
Misfortunes cun not In- avoided, hut
they may lie sweetened, if not over
come, l>y philosophy.
Miis of commission are tlie naturul
punishment for sins of commission.
S. E. HEETER,
Freighter and Packer
Good Equipments ami
Service Unexcelled
Meeting of Rampart
Miners Association
The regular meeting of the RAMPART
MINERS ASSOCIATION is hereby called for
Rampurt, Tiehpay, J an. 1, at 1 p. in. at J. C.
hall; and at Eureku side Si nday. J an. 6, at
1 p. ni., at Home place to he designated by
notices posted later.
A revision of by-laws will be considerad.
F. J. KALNIKG, Secretary.
THE MAIL
Carriers Schultz and Biederman got
in today with a light local mail from
Eagle. The down-service is still badly
demoralized, the carriers being bunched
up toward tne Eagle end.
Mail for up river and outside departs
regularly each Tuesday.
Mail left Eagle last Sunday. The
amount is not known and there is noth
ing to indicate whether it contains out
side matter or not. It is not even
known here whether or not mail from
Dawson has arrived at Kagle over the
ice up to the present time.
Some of the Fairbanks mail is coming
by Circle again this winter.
Mail is coining through from Nome.
Carrier Biederman will go down to
morrow morning.
The trail both ways is good.
Iaist Monday a horse driven by S. K.
Hudson broke through and came near
living drowned in the river near
Scheiffelin creek. Mr. Hudson had
lieen to Tanona with a consignment of
left-over mail and was returning with a
load of merchandise.
FIRST-CLASS
Wines, Liquors and
Cigars.
CASE GOODS
A Specialty
roTnrrinnrinnnrjri
JULIUS RAHMSTORF
GENERAL
MERCHANDISE!
FULL LINE
Tin, Granite Crockerywar
OJULSUUULRJLSJLSJUUUULRJULIl
Northern Commercial Co.
OUTFITTING A SPECIALTY
Turkeys and Chickens for the Holiday
We Have Them Also.
APPLES, ORANGES and LEMONS
Northern Commercial Co.
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