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THEODORE HOOK.
-- '>• I .
Stories of the Greatest Practical Joker
of Hia Day.
Of the list of geniuses the name
of Theodore Hook is near the top.
At sixteen he was making a big in
come and enjoying great popularity.
His name was blazoned in the papers
as a prodigy, his portraits were in
tha tiiof windows, and lie had free,
admission to all theaters and’other
places of amusement. For years he
was a social and literary lion. Ilis
last words were: “It is only to the
grave that I must be carried. If my
poor children were safe I would not
care. 1 am suffering under a con
stant depression of spirits which no
one who sees me in society dreams
of.”
Hook’s practical jokes were the
talk of the day. His intimates egg
ed him on continually, and there
was nothing he would stop at. One
day they pointed out to him as an
appropriate specimen for his mu
seum a gilded eagle of enormous
dimensions which had just been
erected over a grocer's shop. A few
weeks afterward while entertaining
his coterie at dinner at one of the
old taverns he ordered the “game”
to be served., To the astonishment
of the guests the waiter entered the
room staggering under the burden
of a dish of unusual size. On un
covering it there was produced the
identical eagle which Hook as a
practical joke had contrived to carry
off. Merely for this sort of fun Hook
used to pull off knockers and bell
handles, carry away tradesmen's
signs, overturn the boxes of sleep
ing janitors and do other devilment
until he had a roomful of house
hold attachments and street orna
ments.
One night Hook waB passing a
great house where there was a re
ception of the swellest of the swells.
Dinner had just been announced.
He said to the friend accompanying
him: “John, I’m going in here to
spend the evening. Call for me at
11 o’clock.” The friend was horri
fied. Said he in protest, “You do
not know these grand people, and
you are not an invited guest.”
“That’s all right. Call for me at
11.” Knocking at the door, he gave
his hat confidently to the lackey and
was ushered upstairs. Entering the
drawing room, he affected at first to
have discovered his mistake and
poured such sallies of wit that the
host and hostess actually pressed
him to stay for dinner.
At 11 o’clock, when his friend
called, not knowing whether lie
would find Hook at the reception or
in the lockup, he was more than as
tonished on entering the drawing
room to see Hook seated at the pi
ano delivering some extempore po
etry to a bevy of the fairest women
in the gathering. Perceiving the
entrance of his friend, the practical
joker, who had not hitherto divulg
ed his name, arose and said:
I’m very much pleased with your fare.
Your cellar's as gxiod as your cook.
My friend’s Mr. Terry, the player.
And I’m Mr. Theodore Hook.
The king, being present and full
of enjoyment, took a great fancy to
Hook and immediately appointed
him treasurer to the island of Mau
ritius with a salary of $10,000 a
year.
Needless Ceremony.
Peter had been hastily bidden to
Bobby Hunt’s party, and his mother
was “rounding him up” in front of
the washstand.
“Oh, mother,” he said, “do I have
to have a whole bath ?”
“Certainly.”
Peter mumbled something, and
his mother asked him what it was.
“I said, ‘Are you sure it wasn’t
just your idea ?’ ” replied Peter.
“I’m certain I heard Bobby’s moth
er tell you over the telephone that
the party was very informal.”—
Youth’s Companion.
His System.
Shippen Clark (to his employer,
leaving the office)—Oh, Mr. System,
haven’t you forgotten your um
brella? It’s raining.
Mr. System—Can?t help it. I have
made a resolution to have one here
and one at home to provide for all
emergencies. Now, if I take this
one they’ll both be at home.—Lon
don Tit-Bits.
• Worth Seeing.
In a certain preparatory school in
Washington an instructor one day
made the statement that “every year
S sheet of water fourteen feet thick
is raised to clouds from the sea.” ■
“At what time of the year does
that occur, professor?” asked a
freshman. “It must be a sight
worth going a long way to see.”
Not Even the Clock.
Two ladies were being shown
through the State Hospital For the
Insane. As thpy entered a ward
one turned to the other and said,
“I wonder if that clock is right ?’’
An inmate standing near over
heard her and instantly replied:
“Great Scott, no I It wouldn’t ba
here if it was!”—Ltonincott’s.
GERMANY FLOATS IN MUSIC.
In That Land Everybody Singe and Al*
molt Everybody Playe.
The German takes his theater
and his music as from the begin
nings of these it was intended we all
should do. They are not a distrac
tion merely, but an education, an
education of the senses, and through
the senses of the whole man. There
are music lovers and serious play
goers in America, but for the most
part our theaters cater to and are
filled by a public seeking a soothing
and condimented mental atmos
phere in which to finish digestion.
Theatrical salmagundi is served
everywhere and seems to be the
dish best suited to the American
aesthetic palate as thus far educat
ed. We cannot complain since other
wares would be quickly provided did
we but ask for them.
America has suffered because she
was overtaken by a great material
prosperity before she had a sufficient
spiritual and intellectual develop
ment, and up to now the material
side of life has bad the upper hand.
We buy the best pictures, the rare
books and manuscripts, armor and
silver and porcelain, and it must be
said that there is a fine idealism
here, because they are bought al
most without exception by uncul
tured, often almost unlettered, rich
men, who know nothing and care
very little for these things, but who
are providing rare educational op
portunities for another generation.
In the same way we hire the best
musicians and singers, but our sur
roundings and the powerful circum
ambient ambitions have not tempt
ed us as yet to live contentedly and
understanding^ in any such atmos
phere as the Germans do. It is a
striking contrast, perhaps of all the
contrasts the most interesting to
the student, this of America grow
ing from industrialism toward ideal
ism, of Germany growing out of
idealism into industrialism.
Germany floats in music. In
America a few, a very few, float on
it. In Germany everybody sings, al
most everybody plays some instru
ment, and from the youngest to the
oldest everybody understands music.
At least that is the impression you
carry away with you from the land
of Bach, Handel, Haydn, Mozart
and Brailni6 and Beethoven and
Wagner, and I might fill the page
with the others.—Price Collier in
Scribner’s.
Sundials.
Sundials are of great variety—
horizontal, vertical, polar, spherical
and portable. Of this last descrip
tion one in use by the Pyrenean
peasantry consists of two wooden
cylinders, the smaller carrying a
stylet and fitting into the other.
The oldest sundial on record was
that of King Hezekiah about 740
B. C. (>n a column of a chapel
perilously situated upon a rock in
the Gironde river in France may be
seen a sundial of 1586. The most
recent and remurkable of sundials
for its size and decoration is that of
Juvisy, built in 1910, on the front of
the Flammarion observatory. This
has a trapezoidal form, with a verti
cal surface and measures about thir
teen feet in height and twenty-seven
feet at the base.—Harper’s.
The First Pump.
The first pump ever invented was
the heart of a man or animal, and
it is today one of the most perfect
pumps in use. The heart as a pump
is decidedly up to date, and engi
neers unanimously agree that its
principles of construction for the
highest efficiency are correct and
that it is not surpassed by any pump
invented by inan. It is not only a
powerful force pump of incredible
efficiency, but it i6 self repairing and
self renovating. While the mechan
ism is in action it cleanses and puri
fies itself; For its size and work it
is the greatest pump of the age.—
St. Nicholas.
Har Husband In Heaven Too.
When Colonel Thomas Went
worth Higginson celebrated his
eighty-seventh birthday a young
lady, an adllnirer of hir books, called
and brought him a bouquet of roses.
Colonel Higginson /asked her name,
and then he said:
“You live, I suppose, With your
parents?” V / /
“No, sir,” the lady replied, “my
parents are in heaven. I live with
my husband.”
“Your husband, too, is in heav
en,” answered Colonel Higginson.
Late Already.
Five minutes after the tardy gong
had struck the principal of the
school was walking through the low
er hall when he saw a pudgy little
fellow scampering toward the first
grade room as fast as his fat legs
could carry him. “See here, young
man, I want to talk to you,” called
the principal to the late comer. “I
hain’t got time to talk to you; I’m
late already,” replied the breathless
beginner as the door of his class
room closed.
A. M. Dieringer
Valdez Transfer
Company
General Trucking and Freight
ing to all interior points
LIVERY ard FEED STABLE
STORAGE
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Free ami Accepted Masons
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C. C- Reynolds. Sec
FOE
VALDEZ AERIE No. 1971
Meet every Friday. 8 p.m. Eagle Hal
CAMP VALDEZ No. 10
Meet every Tuesday evening at 8 o'clock in
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ttend. 1 ' S. McNIECE. Arctic Chief
PIONEERS OF ALASKA
IGLOO NO. 7.
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