This Guy’s
From Way,
Way Out...
Br Hal Bari*
NEW YORK Uh — One year a
space ship from Mars arrived here
secretly.
It was manned by a single Mar
tian, Operator ZY12SX, whose
assignment was to find whether
the earth was advanced enough
for Mars to consider opening in
terplanetary relations.
Here is his first report, sent
via mental radio, to his command
post on Mars:
‘Trip uneventful and accord
ing to plan. After hiding space
ship, I ventured into city. Found
inhabitants friendly and hospit
able. Many were interested in my
strange garb.
“One man, noting my helmet,
asked: 'What are you advertising,
bud?* When I told him ‘nothing,’
he replied. 'I am a department
store manager, and our Santa
Claus is sick. How would you
like to take his place?’
“I consented. It seems Santa
Claus is a kind of god, and the
earth people worship him most
at Christmas. I have enjoyed
playing this role of god. Little
children come sit on my lap and
tell me what they want, and I
laugh out loud and answer, ‘Okay.
Ho! Ho! Ho!’
“The earth people are <juite
cultured. Nobody works. All they
do all day is eat and tell each
other jokes and exchange pre
sents in beautifully colored pack
ages which they get at the de
partment stores merely by sign
ing their name.
“I met a pretty salesgirl here
nBrnijd Josephine. When X con
fided to her I was from Mars,
she said: “I kinda thought you
had a midweet look — judging
from your haircut. My mother and
I have an extra romp in our apart
ment. Why don’t you move in
with us?’ I did. More later.”
Operator ZY12SX sent his sec
ond message to Mars on Christmas
evening, it read:
“A wonderful day. I gave Jo
sephine and her mother a couple
of watches X had picked up in
the store, and they gave me some
neckties which lock like rain
bows.
“In the afternoon I wandered
into one of the local temples —
they are called bars. A friendly
earth man said, ‘Pal, have a
Our Savior’s
W Lutheran Church
John L. Mukuiid, Pastor
CHRISTMAS SERVICES
Sunday. Doc. 24
S:45 un. Sunday School
11:00 aun. .Morning Worship
7:30 pan. Sunday School
Christmas Eve Program
Monday. Dec. 28
11:00 a.m. Christmas Day Service
'71'* <• "'"V’ ^ , 1
couple on me.’ I had two drinks
of their ambrosia. It made me feel
strange and big. I went home.
Josephine said, ‘Well, country
boy, I do believe you’re loaded.*
She sat me on a sofa and pressed
her lips to mine. ‘That makes me
feel all tingly.’ I told her. She said,
‘it could be love, country boy.’”
Immediately this message was
sent to Operator ZY125X by his
Mars command post: “Satisfied
your mission acomplished. Return
at once.
And back flashed this reply:
“Not me. I like it here.”
On Jan. 2 Operator ZY125X
sent his last message to Mars:
“Earth has suddenly gone crazy.
No one smiles. Everyone scowls.
They hurry, hurry, hurry as if de
mented. They bump into each
other rudely, The department store
manager took away my Santa
Claus suit, and told me, ‘beat it,
kid.’
“Josephine asked me for seme
rent money. I said, ‘you mean
that green paper and those Jingly
pieces of metal? I gave them to
one of the priests in a temple for
some of that nice ambrosia,’ and
Josephine said, ‘mama and I
aren’t supporting no bums in this
house, country boy. Out you go!’
And she threw me out into the
street.
“1 had nothing to wear but my
space suit and helmet. A police
man stopped me and said, ‘what
are you — some kind of a nut or
something? I’ve got a good mind
to toss you into the cooler.” Some
children jeered at me.
“This is a frightening place. As
soon as it is dark, I will board
my space ship and return to
Man.”
When the chastened Operator
ZY125X reported in person his
full tale of horror to his superiors
on Mars, they held a council and
gravely decided it might be bet
ter to let the earth people grow
up for another thousand yean <w
so before considering interplanet
ary relations.
—-...— —~
ANCHORAGE <*> — Democratic
State Chairman Wendell Kay, re
acting to a charge by Gov. Wm.
Egan that he knows nothing about
state finance, demanded anew
again that tax increases approved
in the last legislative session be
repealed.
At the time the tax boosts were
being considered, after a a bal
anced state budget had been ap
proved, Kay protested that taxes
should never be increased to cre
ate a surplus.
The $14.6 million which came
to the state Tuesday from a rec
ord oil lease sale moved Kay to
call against for a tax repeal.
Egan charged Thursday Kay
with recklessness, said the Demo
cratic chairman had not taken the
pains to acquaint himself with
the state’s financial condition. The
Governor said there would be no
tax repeal.
"The Governor has succeeded in
putting himself in a pretty ridi
culous position," said Kay, con
sidered a possible gubernatorial
candidate next year. "Naturally
he hates to admit that his demand
for the tax increases in 1961 was
unwise and unnecessary.
“When he asked for these taxes
in the closing days of the 1961
session of the Legislature," Mr.
Egan Indicated the taxes w«re in
tended to raise about $5 million,
and that this sum would meet the
anticipated additional needs of
fiscal 1962-63," the Anchorage at
torney continued.
“Then in a speech at the Pen
guin Club just a little more than
a month ago, the Governor stated
that he hoped this lease sale
would produce about $7 or $8
I million, because this amount
would keep the state in a solvent
condition.
"Now the sale has produced
about $15 million. This is clearly
about $7 or $8 million in excess
of any needs recognized by the
Governor prior to the sale.
“It should therefore be obvi
ous, even to someone as experi
enced in fiscal affairs as Mr. Egan,
that the original tax increases are
not now necessary, and if in fact
were necessary, just as I pointed
out last March. They should be
repealed."
In Juneau, Egan commented:
“If Mr. Kay wants to go on rec
ord as willing to gamble with
Alaska’s financial future and ig
nore the facts, that’s his business.
I am confident, however, that
Alaska’s Democratic legislators
will show their desire for a more
sober approach.
“Mr. Kay himself suggests two
enormously costly projects and In
doing so hasn’t scratched the sur
face of Alaska’s needs. He should
talk with the people who need
roads, hospitals, schools and a
host of other essentials before
taking the easy ‘down with taxes’
approach.”
Cold Wave Hits India
NEW DELHI, India — Six
persons have died here in a cold
wave that reached 36 degrees
Friday, the lowest in 13 years.
In summer maximum tempera
tures in die Indian capital are
usually about 110 degrees.
Record Postal Business
NEW YORK m — The nation’s
biggest post offices here reported
record business for the Christmas
season — 766,971,500 pieces of
mail handled since Dec. 1 or an
average of 36^522,000 a day.
Last year, for the same period
between Dec. 1 and Dec. 21, the
office handled 716,200,400 pieces
for an average of 34,105;000 a day.
Rav. Lawis Hudgins and fam
ily live in Sacramento, Calif.
Nanooks Edge Faculty M-M
The High School Nanooks man
aged to edge the Faculty 38-36
yesterday in a Christmas basket
ball game which went into a 3
minute overtime period.
Methodist Services
The Sisterhood of the Method
ist Church will hold its Christmas
pageant at 7:30 tonight at the
church.
The Methodist Church service
at 7 pm. Sunday night will be
a candle light service.
There will be a special prac
tice for the Methodist choir from
>12 to 12:30 Sunday.
“Men occasionally stumble over
the truth, but most of them pick
themselves up and hurry off as If
nothing had happened.”
basketball meeting
All players, managers, coaches,
officials and fans associated with
the Nome City Basketball League
are urged to attend an open meet
ing at 7:30 pm., Thursday, Dec.
28, at the school.
Everyone will welcome your
comments, criticism, and, we hope,
your recommendations to better
the league. The league program
will be fully evaluated and sec
ond-half rules and procedures es
tablished.
SCHOOL CHRISTMAS
PLAY WELL RECEIVED
An original play written by one
of the well known local teachers,
Mrs. Carolyn Coons was well re
ceived Wednesday night when
presented by the elementary
grades of Nome School.
The setting was any small Alas
kan village in this part of Alaska
and portrayed the meaning of
giving of gifts at Christmas time.
Music was also presented by the
Nome School Band and School
Chorus.
SANTA IS COMING BACK
This afternoon Santa will make
his third and last appearance at
the N.C. Store to see and inter
view the children (and their par
ents).
Many at the pictures already
taken by Otto Schulz on the past
two Saturdays are ready to be
picked up at the Polet's Arts and
Crafts Shop.
Arlene Tweet, daughter of Mary
Tweet of Teller, who has beat
teaching kindergarten classes for
St. Joseph’s Catholic Church,
plana to be in Teller with her
family for Christmas.