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w How do you like the looks of this, J
J our 2nd number? Not a bad one is it? S
) The next will be better though, and w
^ those snooeeding that one will each show x
J improvement we hope—keeping step with 4
^ the advance of the town and district. . w
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| $1.50 for six months !
5 If you need any job printing let us do ^
^ it for you. We have the best, brighest ^
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J eastern Alaska today, and all we wish is a ^
ra chance to show you S
I Good Printing- |
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I This Is It! I
LOCAL CURIOS
—One of the greatest wonders of the
> age is what becomes of all the smart
children.
—A correspondent wants to know
where happiness and content are cer
tain to be found? Why, in Webster's
unabridged, to he sure, unless its
pages have been monkeyed with.
—A few short years ago the site of
Ketchikan was a howling wilderness:
now it is a prosperous little city, anti
the howling is dime by steam whistles
both on shore and the adjacent waters.
— "Pa. l>e a Universalisi?" "No,
my son: I was before I got marrieii,
but ten years of connubial bliss has
materially changed my views, and
now I feel quite sure that it is a mis
taken doctrine.
—This idtfJi of teaching every girl
to pound the piano, and every boy to
be a store clerk or bookkeeper, if it
gx^es on for .twenty years more, will
make coal worth $50 a ton. ami bring
the price of "spuds" up to #o a
bushel.
—The man who remarked within
Curios' hearing the other day that
the tier man prince imperial was born
with a crown on his head, didn’t seem
to know, or else had forgotten the
fact that all Ketchikan kids are born
the same way.
—The man in this city who is so
absent minded that he recently found
himself in bed in another house than
his own and didn’t discover his mis
take till he ordered his wife to get uj
and build the fire, is not a candidate
for an important appointive office,
rejxirts to the contrary notwithstand
ing.
—It is estimated by a competent
authority on such matters that even a
small boy with even a small piece ol
looking glass, can on a bright, sunny
day, evoke more profanity to the
square inch than can be produced by
any other known contrivance, with
the single exception of the agonizing,
swear-word provocative stovepipe.
—We have in our office the diamond
pointed, patented, self-acting type
writer whieh for a brief space of time
has been employed in preparing these
Curios for the compositor, and it is
for sale. It will be sold to give place
to a larger and more improved ma
chine. warranted to write every item
and editorial in a dozen different
languages, and tone them down to suit
the tastes and requirements of each
and every distinct ana particulai
reader. This one we offer to sell will
prove a veritable treasure to the
purchaser. All he wiU have to do is
to whisper gently into its off auriclar.
the idea he wishes to have elaborated,
wind up the hair spring which starts
it to going, and then go off, if he
wishes, being careful to get back in
before it has time to say too much ot
get mad at the compositor. If he
wishes to have his ideas elaborated
into the loftiest kind of verse, or the
most musical jingling rhymes, all he
has got to do is to turn the little
thing-um-bob in the movable bar in
from of the self-acting keyboard, and
be sure that the pointer is placed at 0
on the scale. It supplies all defect
in one's orthography, grammar or
diction, throws in Latin_ quotations
till you can't rest, and can grind out
enough theology in an hour to make
enough missionary tracts to supply
the Alaska natives for a hundred
years. One peculiarity of this wond
erful machine is that it can't be
manipulated into the expression of any
but the most sublime iffed lofty
thought—but it's got to be disposed
of if we have to give somebody thirty
cents to come and take it away and
drown it. The other night an idea
occurred to us, {it don t often happen :
which we thought, if properly elab
orated. would be a splendid help to
the territorial government cause, to
which, as is well known, we are not
very recent converts, and we accoru
ingly put the machine to work on it.
somebody came in just then and
wanted us to go around to Front street
"to see a man." and we forgot to put
on the brakes before leaving the office
—in fact forgot all about the plaguey
machine until we came into the office
next morniDg and found territorial
government articles piled up on the
table and in every available nook and
corner of the office, and the machine
swearing mad because there wasn't
room in which to pile up a few thou
’ sand more. In its perfectly just
wrath it had just commenced writing
* us this note: "You think you're dev
ilish smart don't you, to put me to
work and then go off and not tell when
and where to leave off! If your darn
old paper ain't out on lime this week,
and doesn't contain more than one
idea, it w ill be your fault, not mine.
If you ever treat me so again, I'll
, write some things you won't like to
read -ami I've a good notion to write
your obituary now, you d—” what it
would have said if we hadn’t got in
just when we did. and shut down the
safety valve, goodness only knows!
Hut we're going to find out just how
mean it can talk by simply w hispering
the name of a certain local politician
; in it* starboard auricular, one of these
fine days.
MICHIGAN COPPER
The Michigan copper production for
ifaggregated 22b. 270,000 pounds the
gross value of which was a Unit ♦30,
131.000. It is extremely doubtful if
• the output for 1006 will be found to
have exceeded 224.000.id0 pounds the
gross income from which should be in
the neighborhood of 645,000, 000. or
j more than twice the amount received
for the entire product for _ 1!*.2,
■ amounting to something over 170,0*0
>gg». Gross earnings the pest y< ar
were hr far the largest for any period
in the history of the district this rot
withstanding' the fact that it U the
: only one since VMO that ha* failed to
, maintain the uaual percentage ot
NOTES AND COMMENTS
Si*txl up by the press reports from
Washington, the Wickersham case
stands alx>ut like this: now he is in.
now l-,e is out, may be he'll land it,
maybe he will not,
—Skagwav is to have a school of
art, to be established and maintained
under the auspices of some of the
prominent ladies of the place. Wood
carving will bo made the principal
study to begin with.
—The Seward Gateway, referring
to the statement that army officers in
Alaska, object to canned vegetables,
remarks that "most of the residents
of Alaska likewise object to canued
government."
—Former governor MoGraw is re
ported to be in Washington lobbying
for an appropriation for the Alaska
Yukon-Pacific exposition. He is only
asking for an amount in the neighbor*
luxxl of two million dollars, and being
a Seattle man, his extreme modesty
has occasioned some comment.
—Gov. W. W. B. Melnnes has re
signed the office of chief executive ot
the Yukon Territory to accept the
leadership of the liberal party in
British Columbia, ami is a candidate
for parliament. He is credited with
having brought order out of chaos in
the Yukon Territory, and his retire
ment appears to be much regretted by
the people thereof.
—Delegate Waskey is reported to be
making an effort to have the Indian
appropriation bill amended so as to
provide for the admission of Eskimo
to the Carlisle and other Indian
schools. In the opinion of The Min
ing News, sending an Eskimo to an
Indian school in the states would be
going a rather a long way for an edu
cation which, at best, would be ot
tittle value to its recipient.
—Skagwav is justified in putting on
scallops. She has an efficient and
wholly satisfactory water system of
her own. reasonable water and light
rates, a good school and good sanitary
conditions, and is entirely out of debt,
though the rate of taxation has never
exceeded one per cent. Surely, the
people of that town cannot properly be
considered as being a part and parcel
of those Alaskans upon whose capacity
for self-government an implied doubt
is continually cast by the oppo
nents of home rule for Alaska.
—Juneau will soon have a railroad
of her own. if not two of them. It is
announced on seemingly good author
ity. that the Perseverance Mining
company will build a narrow gauge
line from tide water at that place to
the upper end of Silver Bow basin,
where its mine and mill is located.
The line will be six or seven miles in
length, and is designed for the hand
ling of the company's supplies. It is
hinted, too. that the bonds, of the
company which has franchises from
both Juneau and Douglas for building
and maintaining an electric railway
between those places have been
floated, and that the work of construc
tion will be commenced at an early
day.
—Prof. (?) Henry W. Elliott, many
years ago government agent at the
Seal Islands, afterwards paid lobbyist
for the Alaska Commercial Company
at Washington, and who in one of his
official reports as such Jagent put on
record the assertion that Alaska was
a country in the “whole extent ol
which the most needful of domestic
animals could not be kept." is to the
.'ront again in Washington, this time
with charges of pelagic sealing and
other unlawful acts against the pres
ent lessee of the seal islands. It is
possible, even probable, that there
may be some foundation for his
charges, but it's dollars to doughnuts
that a rigid investigation will reveal
a personal grievance on the part ol
Truthful Henry as the animus by
which he was prompted to action.
—Hon. Frank H. Waskey has placed
us under obi igat ions by causing the
Congressional Record to be sent regu
larly to our address. It was just what
we wanted, and mourned because we
nad it not. Curio long ago acquired
the habit of reading himself to sleep
after he had retired for the night.
He did not, however, understand the
philosophy of the thing. He would
go through his exchanges, get awa\
with several pages of some populai
author, and perhaps as many more ol
the book of book*, before being able
to successfully woo the drowsy god.
He was unusually wakeful one night,
and got away with everything read
able within reach, except a Congres
sional Record, upon which he laic
violent hold in the last stages of de
spair. It was efficacious: in less thar
three minutes he was fast asleep: and
now he regards that publication a* the
greatest boon vouchsafed to the mil
lions of insomnious people of Amer
ica. Thanks Mr. Waskey, awfully!
She wasn't sweet,
Nor very neat,
Yet let this much be said :
When with a broom
She sought a room.
She swept beneath the lied.
She wasn’t worth
A pleasant berth.
She never could lie led,
She wasn't cheap,
But she would sweep
Each time beneath the lied,
She wasn’t smart,
Things flew apart,
And shattered at her tread;
But I will say
That every day
She swept beneath the lied.
Ho when this maid
Away is laid.
I'll carve above her head
Tliesc- word* of cheer ;
“One lietb here i
Who ibe bed. ”
Outfits Are Our Specialty
We carry a complete line of General Mer
cnandise, Hardware, Crockery, etc. Our
Staple and Fancy Groceries are the Best,
the Market affords and our Dry Goods are
this Year’s Style and Patterns.
NEWTOWN’S BUSY STORE
J. W. Young & Co.
LUMBER
; ., >
I We Manufacture and keep in Stock I;
I Spruceand Cedarjj
' 1 1
Rough and Dressed Lumber J1
| i i
of all kinds J |
1 And are prepared to till orders for same, large or j J
| small. Our dry Kiln is now working so that we can 1
' furnish dry material. ! |
KETCHIKAN POWER CO.
: Ketchikan - - Alaska jj
FOR SALE CHEAP.
I will sell my bowling alley build
ing. with lot 71x110 feet, and fixtures,
including 2 pool tables, 1 billiard
table, 3 slot machines, show cases,
«tock. business, license, etc. cheap for
cash. If you are interested call on me :
for terms. P. K. Johnson.
Bowling Alley Bldg., ;
End of Mission street.
Once when Chauncey Olcott was in
Ireland, he visited the Wishing well
it Killarney with two plain, elderly
spinsters. 'Besides the well sat an old
Irish woman, who looked up into Mr.
Olcott’s handsome face and asked:
“Pbwat are you wisbin' for?”
“What do you think I wish for?” i
he good-naturedly inquired.
"Och. thin, for a beautiful young
swateheart. of course,” she said.
He pointed to the two spinsters,
who stood at a little distance, and
said:
“Don’t vou see I have two with ,
me?” ’ I
“Ah, thin, it’s the grace o’ God j
you're wishin’ for,” replied the svm- I
oatbetic old woman.—Rochester Her
ild.
A northern man visiting in a south- i
town announced that ne could tell
a man’s political tendencies by look
ing at his face. His auditors looked
it one another with incredulity.
“Well, I seldom make a mistake, j
“You” he said, indicating one of the i
group about him, “are a McKinley
man.”
“That's right,” said the man refer
red to.
“You,” pointing to another, “are a j
Cleveland Democrat.” 1
“Yes, that is so,” answered he. I
\nd the crowd began to sit up and
.ake notice.
“You,'' addressing the third, “are
a Brvan man.”
"You’re wrong there. I’m sick:
that’s what makes me look that way.”
—Harper's Weekly.
“Where's the president of this rail
road?” asked the man who called at
the general offices.
“He’s down in Washington attend
in’ th’ session o’ some kind uv an in
vestigatin’ committee,” replied the
rffice boy.
“Where’s the general manager?
“He’s appearin’ before th’ Inter
state Commerce commission.”
“Well, where’s the general super
I itendent?’ ’
“He’s at th’ meeting o’ th’ legit
lature, fightin' some new law.”
“Where's the head of the legal de
partment?”
“He's in court trvin’ a suit.”
“Then where is the general passen
ger agent?”
“He’s explainin’ t’ th’ commercial
travelers why ho can’t reduce th’
fare.”
“Where Is the general freight
l gent?”
“He's gone out in th’ country t'
ittend a mootin' o’ th’ grange an’ toil
,Y farmers why we ain’t got nr
freight cars. ”
“Who’s running the blame railroad,
my way'?”
"Ib' newspapers,' Pittsb'g Pre**,^,
The Bon Bonnerie
CHAS. COLE. Prop.
The New Candy Store
A Brand New Store
full of the best
GANDIES, FRUITS, NUTS,
SOFT DRINKS Etc.
Opposite Hunt's Meat Market
Ketchikan - - Alaska
dirst*Class Service, Reasonable Rates
©
Ketchikan Restaurant
MANUEL DIAZ, Prop.
Regular Meals and Short
Orders Served
Table Furnished with Every
thing the Market
Affords.
Front Street, Near Wharves
Ketchikan, Alaska
J. L. Parker
MINING ENGINEER
Mining Properties Examined and Reported
ADDRESS
Hotel Stedman, Ketchikan
The Fairfield, 6th and Madison, Seattle.
L. D. RYUS
Civil Engineer and Surveyor, U. S.
Deputy Land and Mineral Surveyor
Ketchikan . . Alaska
C. H. COSGROVE
Attorney-At-Law
Office. End of Front St.
Ketchikan . . Alaska
S. A. Plumley
Attorney At Law
Office, Dock Street npinHito
Heckman'* Store
Ketchikam . . Alaska
DR. J. L. WYERS
Physician and Surgeon
Office at Residence, Main Street
Ketchikan , . Alaska
Dr. HENRY C. STORY
Physician and Surgeon
Cor. Uowden and Dock St*.
Telephone from Ryu* Drug Co. or
Connell It Thompson New Town
Ketchikan , « Alagkft