COMMENTS OHHE PRESS
Newspaper Comment on live
topics of the day
LUKE MoLUKE 8AYS.
(Cincinnati Enquirer.)
The fool men have their faults, but
they don’t put on greasy kimonos and
hang around each other’s kitchens all
day.
Anyone, some of the girls with the
muddiest complexions have the clear
est consciences.
The suffragists object to man-made
laws. And yet they wear man-made
clothes and raise man-made families.
The man who can’t borrow a dime
never has any trouble, borrowing |10,
000,000,000 worth of trouble.
A Tango bride is one who tries to
go marketing after marriage and re
fuses to buy green lobsters because
they are not ripe.
It always makes a woman feel good
to see a collector call on a neighbor
woman and give her a balling out.
Any time mother Is sick and father
has to fix his own breakfast, he bolls
up a mess of stuff that looks like mud
and smells like coffee, and he enjoys
because he made It himself. But If
mother ever served him anything that
tasted like It he would swear she was
trying to poison him.
none of my business, but a girl
who has produced a bumper crop of
pimples has no business showing any
— ore of her chest than she can keep
'-cm covering up.
The old-fashioned man who couldn't
tell what a woman was wearing un
'■f>rneath her skirt now has a son who
has to wear smoked glasses to keep
his eyes from popping out.
A fat girl's bitterest enemy Is her
sweet tooth.
The father of eleven children always
gets a good balling out from the neigh
bors, but they never seem to blame the
-tother.
A souse Isn’t the only person who
can talk for an hour and not say any
thing. Tou ought to hear a member
of the ‘He Sez" Club talking over the
phone to her favorite member of the
‘She Sez" Club.
I don’t wonder that the nude statue,
“The Girl of 1914,’’ shocked dear old
King George. It shocked me, too. Over
on this side the girls do not wear
their chests where their collar bones
should be.
Some fat-headed mutt who directs
the style has declared the Jelly wobble
to be unfashionable. And now the j
corn feds are wearing brassieres to give
them a concrete effect. All In favor
of lynching the man who started the
anti-jelly wobble crusade will say
"Aye’’. Those opposed ’no.” The ayes
have It.
Talking about getting even with the ^
women. The fool men are now asked
to wear a garter that holds their socks
up and their shirts down.
A millionaire is always bragging
cbout how he made hlB first thousand.
But he never says much about how he
made his last thousand.
The reason why a woman likes to
have a fancy clock In every room In
the house is because she has to call
up the telephone operator six times a
day to learn the correct time.
Isn’t it wonderful how easy It is to
ro to sleep In the morning after It Is
time to get up?
The man who has to listen to a hard
luck story is entitled to more sympathy
than the fellow who is telling It.
Some people In this world will never
be happy as long as they know that
any one Is happy.
A skinny girl has an awful time
going over a muddy crossing without
getting her skirt soiled. But a Corn
Fed girl can’t see anything to worry
about.
There Is no way to please a bigot
ed prohibitionist. At first he wanted
the sale of liquor stoped after midnight.
And we stopped It. Then he wanted
the saloons closed on Sunday. And
we closed them. Now he wants the
sale and manufacture of liquor stop
ped. And, if we stop It, how long will
it be until he wants to make it a
falony to drink liquor or to have It In
the house?
Why Is It that the man who has a
neck that looks like an elephant’s hind
leg always keep the back of his head
rhaved?
It is never too late to mend, but
•’s usually too early.
The old fashioned hen that used to
clve us strictly fresh eggs now has
n daughter who is In cahoots with a
cold storage plant.
They can’t wear the transparent
skirts this kind of weather, but they
are getting even by abbreviating them
until the bottoms are not so far away
from the knee. All in favor of the new
stunt will say ’Aye.” The ayes have It.
The old-fashioned woman who used
to have her hands roughened and red
dened from cooking square meals now
lias a daughter who hqs corns on her
hands from operating a can opener.
Somehow or other It is usually the
fellow who has six Sure Things before 1
the first race who hasn’t five sure pen
nies to get home with after the last
race.
One reason for the Hi Cost of Liv
ing is that there are a lot of Bluffs
.vho would rather ride around in a
six-cylinder mortgage than patronize
i street car.
What has become of the old-fash
oned boy whose hands were covered
vith warts?
Paw and Maw will read all the auto
ids and all the auto catalogues all
vlnter every winter. They will argue
nd finally decide on the war they
vtll purchase. Andd when spring
comes Paw thinks the matter over and
compromises by purchasing a lawn
mower.
FOOL LUCK.
(Mining and Scientific Press.)
The Greenhorn mine, the Green
Emigrant, and the Lucky Boy are ac
*ual names of Californian mines. These,
nd many similar names, record the
vood fortune that often comes to the
inskllled. The Green Emigrant re
•alls a hot day in the 'fifties when a
ired miner, who was ground-sluicing
n the bottom of a gulch, was accosted
by a pair of lately-arrived Germans
vho could hardly talk English. “Vere
’hul ve vork?" they asked. The miner
van weary. Scanty returns had em
lttered him; the shade of a tree, far
ip the hillside appealed to him: "Up
here, under that tree,” he said. After
-upper he laughed with his .chums at
’he stupidity of the greenhorns hard
at work on a side-hill, far above any
possible chance of finding gold, which
s all the experienced diggers knew,
vaB found only in the stream-beds. The
Germans worked stolidly, uncomplain
'ngly. egged on by the miners, who
-hough that a few days hard work
would teach the newcomers a useful
lesson and, in the meantime, keep them
iut of the crowded ravine. The emi
grants, instead of becoming disgusted,
-eemed quite happy in their work,
much to the surprise of the miners
below, who were astonished to learn
’hat rich gravel had been struck in
he shaft sunk on the barren hillside.
The green emigrants had found one
of the fossil rivers , or deep leads, that
'have since yielded their golden sands
so bountifully.
A similar story is that of the Swede,
Charles Anderson, who struck it rich
In the Klondike. He was a pick-and
shovel miner at Forty Mile. One day
in 1897 he invested some of his earn
ings in a series of drinks that left him
r.t the mercy of two marauding pros
pectors who sold him No. 29 Eldorado,
which they thought worthless, for $600,
his total savings. Next day the Swede
found himself with a headache, less
$600 plus a claim somewhere up the
river. He was frantic. But to no
avail. The two perpetrntors winked
the other eye and left camp for Quartz
creek while Anderson decided that he
must go and test his claim. He did,
he went 80 miles to Eldorado creek
and sunk 18 feet on No. 29 where on
bedrock he found a fortune. A few
days later the two wise men from
Quartz creek, on their way to Daw
on, passed the Swede at work and
asked him, in Jest, how he was far
'ng. He answered: "Ay tank Ay got
some gold here” and showed them a
pan with $1,400 In it. The claim yielded
n?250.000.
History repeats Itself. This time in
Alsace, Ignorance has proved profitable.
An ancient spinster was persuaded by
a geologist to bore for coal in her
small forest estate. The geologist was
at fault: no coal was found. When a
-lenth of 1.000 feet was reached the
lady's funds gave out; relatives and
’■lends of the obstinate old lady came
‘o her relief; they formed a new com
pany, called the Bonne Esperance. With
a new capital, the boring was con
•inued, yet no coal was found. But at
a depth of 1,900 feet a strange deposit
was cut, a mineral by turns white,
gray, or a fine brick-red, in shining
crystals; it was a salt of potassium in
'arge amount; a fabulous fortune. In
all 300.000.000 tons—so it is said—of
potash salts has been developed, the
estimated worth being $13,000,000,000.
The district containing the deposits Is
being attacked by the French; if they
succeed in holding these mines their
”ield will aid greatly in repaying the
osses of the war. So it is said.
Reading for the winter. All maga*
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Leman Brea.
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For all kind* of
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Zinfandel per Gal. $1.00
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AT
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For the Family Dinner Table
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