TOOK HORACE GREELEY’S ADVICE
FARLE OF THE KID OUT WEST!
(L,. It. in the Spokane Chronicle.)
Not so very many years before
Bryan first run there was a man by
the name of H. Greely who said,
"Kid beat it—the old man’s family
is getting to large," so the kid gathered
up his marbles and traveled.
Now the old man proceeded to
grow self-centered and corpulent and
forgot all about the kid who had dis
appeared somewhere beyond, the Mis
sissippi. One day the kid who had
grown strong arid brawny emerged
from his tar paper shack out in the
sage brush and says, "Pa I can build
just ns big a sky scraper as you can,”
and he did it. Pa says, "Now don't
got foohsh.” Then the kid says, “Pa
I can raise more grain to the acre
than you can,” and he did it. Pa says,
"Now don’t get sarcastic.”
Next the kid says, “Pa I can raise
better fruit than you ever saw,” and he
'i ■ .i... ■ _ .. 1 11 1 i
did it. Then the old man says, "O
you talk too much,” and he got Jeal
ous and proceeded to tell the kid where
to get off at. The kid was full of gin
ger and he whecked the old man one
over the cranium and says, “Pa, take
a bite out of my prohibition and see
how you like it.”
Then he gave him another whack
on the pate and says, "When you
have swallowed that try some of my
woman suffrage and see how you like
it.” Then the kid says, "Pa, this hurts
me worse than it does you,” and he
gave his center of culture a solar
plexus blow.
Next he ran right through his pet
literary field with his alkali smeared
boots on. then he took a running jump
at his chief financial center, tin-can
ned the Tammany pup and proceeded
to dictate to the old man who should
run the ranch for the next four years.
Then when the kid stopped to get
his wind, the old man faltering and
with tears in his eyes , says, "Son
you’re a chip off the old block—1 am
proud of you—you're a better man
than your dad ever was,”
—and the son of the‘‘Kid," w'hose
mother was a suffragette grew strong
and wise, and looking for green fleds
and pastures new, came to Alaska,
where therfc is much good soi!, and
equal rights, and prohibition, and he
had his father’s (the Kid’s) knowledge
of modern methods, and in a few ycasr
he returned to the home of his child
hood and he double discounted his
father (the Kid), for he had vast acres
of grain, and cattle, and gold mines,
and pulp mills, and salmon canneries,
and huge ships and—well history re
peated itself, only on #a larger scale
than 'it did for THE KII>.
JAP FINDS BIG ROLL
WHILST SORTING LAUNDRY
“Harry," a Japanese youth, who has
worked at the Oakland hotel, Fourth
avenue and Columbia street, for the
last three years, must be the individual
Diogenes has been looking for with
his famous luntren ever since the world
began Us noted hunt for wealth.
Harry’s original cognomen is un
known to his boss. It. J. Freguson, pro
rletor of the Oakland hotel, a hotel
man with thirty-live years experience.
It happened recently when Harry was
sorting a lot of linen, consisting of bed
sheets and p'diow slips, in the hallway
of the hotel, preparatory to sending
out the articles to the laundry.
Harry was dre,lining how ho would
have to do it only two years more,
when he would have saved up $d.500
with which he intends to return to Ja
Iron 7s Greatest of Jill Strength
Builders, Saps Doctor
Jl Stent of tbt Gnat, Endurance and Power of JtthUtta
1
Ordinary Nuxated Iron Will Make
Delieate, Nervous, Rundown Peo
ple 200 Per Cent. Stronger in
Two Week’s Time in
Many Cases.
NEW YOftK, N. Y.—Must people
foolishly seem to think they are go
ing to get renewed health anti
strength from some stimulating medi
cine secret nostrum or naracotie drug,
said Dr. Sauer, a Specialist who has
studied widely both in this country
and Europe when, as a matter of fact,
real and true strength can only eoinc
from the food you eat. Uut people
often fall to get the strength out of
their food because they haven’t
enough iron in their blood to enable
it to change food into living matter.
From their weakened, nervous condi
tion they know something is wrong
but they can't tell what, so they gen
erally commence doctoring for stom
ach, liver or kidney trouble or sym
ptoms of some other ailment caused
by the lack of Iron In the blood. This
thing may go on for years, while the
patient suffers untold agony. If yon
are not strong or well, you ows it to
yourseJf to make the following test:
See how long you can work or how
far you can walk without becoming
tired. Next take two five-grain
tablets of ordinary nuxated iron three
times per day after meals for two
weeks. Then test your strength again
and see for yourself how much you
have gained. I have seen dozens of
nervous, run-down people who were
ailing all the while, double their
stiength and endurance and entirely
get rid of all symptoms of dyspepsia,
liver and other troubles in from ten
to fourteen days' time simply by tak
ing Iron In the proper form. And this
after they had in some cases been I
doctoring for months without obtain
ing uny benefit. But don’t take the
old forms of reduced iron, iron acetate
or tincture of iron simply to save a
few cents. Von must take iron in a
form that can be easily absorbed and
assimilated like nuxated iron if you
want it to do you any good, other
wise it may prove worse titan useless.
Many an athlete or prize-fighter has
won the day simply because he knew
tho secret of great strength and en
durance and tilled his blood with iron
before lie went into the affray, while
many another has gone down to in
glorious defeat simply for the lack
of iron.
Note.—Nuxated Iron recommended
above by Dr. Sauer is not a patent
medicine nor secret remedy, but one
which is well known to druggists and
whose iron constituents Is widel> pre
set ibyd by eminent physicians every
where. Unlike, the older Inorganic
iron products, it is easily assimilated,
does not injure the teeth, make them
black, nor upset the stomach; on the
contrary, it is a most potent remedy,
in ncurly all forms of indigestion, as
well as for nervous, run-down condi
tions. The Manufacturers have such
great confidence In Nuxated Iron that
they offer to forfeit $100.00 to any
charitable institution if they cannot
take any man or women under 60
who lacks iron and increase their
strength 200 per cent or over In four
weeks’ time provided they have no
serious organic trouble. They also
offer to refund your money if It does
not at least double your strength and
endurance in ten days' time. It is
dispensed in this city by Uomen Bros.,
(successors to Butler, Mauro Sl Co.).
and all other druggists.
Dream Theater
TONIGHT
WHI PAYS?
Featuring, Ruth Roland and
;; Henrjy King
3 Parts
Also
Split Reel Comedy
Friday and Saturday
THE WHITE ROSETTE
nAdm. 25c
(
pau ami retire.
What looked like a cotton duster'
tell on the floor, ite picked it up.
Something inside crackled like a sheet
of paper and he discovered the “duster"
was sewed down one side and at the
end, making a long flat sack. At one
end there Was a safety pin. He
reached his hudn inside and pulled
something out. Then he got dizzy. He
looked again and saw two almost new
$1,000 tills and three $uoo bills, mak
ing $3,500 in all. .
Visions of Japan and luxury came,
but Harry did not blievo in the old
law about “Anders keepers.” He hur
ried down to the office, where he found
Mr. Ferguson directing the handling
of a trunk, l’utting his fingers to his
lips for silence, the Japanese motioned
the proprietor to come to one side. He
did, and the boy showed him tho find.
Ferguson gasped when he saw the
size of the bills. Commending the Jap
anese for his honesty, Ferguson began
to do some detective work, but found
that none of those stopping at the
hotel had lost anything.
At 11 o’clock that same night Mr.
Ferguson received a long-distant call
on tne telephone from Central ia. The
voice at the other end sounded wor
ried, and asked:
"You didn't happen to find $3,500 ly
ing around my room idle, did you?”
My Jap boy found it while counting
the articles for the laundry," said Mr.
Ferguson, cheerfully. “It had the nar
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lowest escape from being mangled in a
steam laundry that any $1,000 bills
ever had."
“Good," said the voice, showing re.
lief. "I’ll bo there in the morning and
I’d like to meet that Japanese boy.’’
Harry’s dream of a trip to Japan in
cheery blossom time may be closer to
realization when the man arrives from
I Centrnlia.—Seattle P. I.
SECRET SERVICE
MEN ARE IN
OUR MIDST
A recent Seattle dispatch says:
Government agents and secret ser
vice men, 'in a large number are quiet
ly moving into all parts of Alaska to
keep an eye about what is going on in
view of the war situation. Their real
mission, however, 'is not known, only
to Washington officials. Alaska may
become an important base of supplies
in the event of war, with its great cop
per and gold mines.
it was learned today that the Kcn
necott Copper Mining Corporation,
owners of the great Bonanza mine—
the Guggenheim's property, together
with the railroad, had doubled the
guard about the property and other
wise is taking extraordinary precau
tions for future protection of these
properties.
Further indication of extra precau
tion being taken by the government is
indicated in the announcement that
steel nets of great power of resist
ance are to lie paced across the en
trance of the Strait of Juan dc Fuca
land other channels for protection
aga'inst German submarine attacks on
Puget Sound. Kvery governmental
department is rushing preparations
for eventualities.
All kinds of sleigh and ski wood on
sals at Rot*’ mill and shop. Alio
building and mining timber.
NOTICE.
T'or flr3t class work ana prompt de
livery phono Main 151 and the Peo
pk.’s laundry will send and got vnur
laundry. W. J. WILLIAMSON, Prop.
HUE Ul SIGIIIU.S
12 .Standard Oil Co.
13 .Caratens Cold Storage
14 .J. J. Season Co, office
15 .Headquarters Saloon
21.The Lobby
24.. ....Pioneers Igloo
25.Catholic Church
31 .Polet's residence
32 . Yorkey’s Cigar Store
41.opp. Webb’s Market
Engine House, Phone Main 97.
17 whistles water. 3 fire out ;
Coal
Crude Oil Refined Oil
Alaska Lighterage & Commercial Co.
I ELITE
HOTEL & BATHS jj
Reopened unded new manage
ment. J •
Rooms by day, week or month. J t
Rates Reasonable. <,
Steam, Show'r and Plain Baths. <,
W. R. ANDERSON, Prop. j!
Plione Black 171. <[
I MILO’S CAFE ||
: OPEN DAY AND j:
NIGHT
J > Next <1onr to PACIFIC CORD < |
* STORAGE MARKET. < [
rv*wwvwww\/wwwv*vw>
Chas. W. Reed
Machinist & Blacksmith
i
Gasoline Engines, Moists
Boilers, Pipe and Pipe
Fittings
No. 5 Front St.
uagai^ilWtBf.'A..----migi'-g
™ TTTTTTTTTTTTT'^’TTTTtTVTTTT
*
:: Preferred Stock j
!:: Groceries I
: at j
|| Moller’s j
Grocery |
J | 211 Front St. Phone Main 86. J
NOME ||
i| COFFEE HOUSE !|
• : AND BAKERY;:
1 J Recommend it* clean «nd x.holo- «[
< ’ tom* bread and pastry of all < [
' > kinds. J >
! ! * Wo cater to family trade. ] ►
j < ! Order* for entertainment* < |
l , J promptly filled. , ’
j i
snmv.’.Kv.v.v.tr.ma
Horseshoe j
J Ge Hall dt Albert Hartman, J
1 Proprietors. '
i PHONE MAIN 112 !
\ LEWIS HUNTER RYE AND J
| ATHERTON BOURBON
i Direct from Bonded Warehouse t
I RAINIER DRAUGHT BEER \
| Finest Brand* of Wine*. Liquor* '
' and Cigars. '
krtetlTOTYrTCr. ’.TtTTTttj
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