THE IRISH LAND WAR.

Exciting Scone In West Korry.

A correspond?:!.!, writing from Dingle, gives the following account of an eviction scene in West Kerry : —

DistricMuspectnr Gray, in command of about fifty policemen, left Dinglo in tha morning about ton o'clock, to protect tho Bub-ehcriir of tho county and his bailiffs in executing the evictions of tenants of Lord Cork, of Ballyforriter, The people auom bled in overwhelming numbers, sorjio of thorn armed with such weapons as pikes and stout club^. The eviction force had to retire, upon which an enthusiastic cheer was raited. The hamlet to bo evicted stands almost at tho ex treme end of the Dingle promontory, and some fivo mi'es further out than tha village of Ventry. Tho holdings around aro hold by members of tho families Manning and Moriarty, who aro connected with each other by marriage, and who form in thom eelvos a colony of about forty porsons Lord Cork had obtained writs to secure possession of five farms held by theeo people, and as their cn?o ia similar to that of the other tenants on tho propsrty Uie evictions had created an intonso feel ing. Everything wont on well till Ventry was reached, and thc;i the people began to show signs of activity. Lookouts wero observed far ahead on the road, and they pavo the alarm of the appfoach of danger. But it was not until a distanco of three additional miles had been accom plished, that tho real Plan of Campaign ba come known. Across tho road were thrown up eight consecutive stone fancos breast high, and beyond the?e a wide gullet had been broken down. To carry the cars farther than this was. impossible, and for a moment the police peamoi half-inclined to proceed the remainder of tho journey on foot, and might have done co had thoy not been deterred by tho action of the people, who had assembled with four-prongtd pikes and heavy sticks. Not a movo was made until District- Inspector Gray and a head constable gave joint orders to fix bayonets and load with uuckshot. A man in tho crowd then shouted out-" Stand by your pike?, man," and at this loud cheere wero raised and mis tainod for some titno. A row of girls then placed themselves along the top of Breast work Xo. '2 when tho pollco had broken down liret and were bringing the cut con taining the omcrgenoy men farther on, and na tho body of tho police were coming up an encounter appcarod probnblo. -lust then, however, the district inspector ordered his men. to retroat, and a.'i they did so the people set up a triumphant >hout. Tho cars wero ordered back to Ventry, and the police look tho pani-^ direction, followed by a portion of tho crowd, the remainder having betaken thomfolves to Ballyferritor to be ready to receive tho police thore if thoy persisted in going on with tho evic tion!. Tho portion of tho crowd that fal lowed the police bohavud gond-humouredly, cheering nil the while. Sido by sido with the baro sworil bayonet of n pTlicotn.in could be ssen tho four-pronged pikes oi tha peasants during thereturn march to Ventry. Tho entire party returned to Dinglo.

A We?tpoct correspondent, telegraphing last night, says: — "A body of men assembled on an evicted farm near New port, six miles from here, and built a hou?o for an evicted tenant roan named 'Jonway, and put him and his family back into posses eion. Conway was evicted by t-ir George O'Donnell in I S3—, and hr.a pioco been in America. The police this morning fiund the house rebuilt, and a printed copy of the Plan of Campaign posted on uach gable. "

Assassination in Ireland.

Another'fnurdorous outrage haa been per petrated in the county of Clare, the scene of the occurrence being clo9o to the Bully car Railway Station, on the Limerick and Enni3 line. It surpasses in daring and cool ferocity any of the attacks on lifo which have niado that county notorious for some time past, while the o iso with which the offenders havo so Tar evaded justice shows the apathy into which tho police authorities havo fallen in taking effective measures to prevent such acts being perpetrated. In the present instance an emergency bailiff, by namo John Byeiv>, is the victim, arid tyro more men, McManus, a comrade of Byers, rind Actinjj-eergeant O'Connor, in chttigo of them at tho time, are badly wounded. Some threo months since two brothcra namrd Lynch were evicted for non-payment of rent of a farm on the estate of Mr O'Grady, of Dublin, at a placa cilled Clonajjh Castle, about four miles from Bnllyoar, Mr O'Grady has also extensive estates in the county of Limorick, and his relations with them have been of a very embittered nature. Uis lands at Abbyfcmb havo been idle and boycotted ■for some years pa?t, since tho starting of the lacd agitation, and at (Jlonagh liis evic tion of the brothers Lynch has led to the same unpleasant state oi things. The farms off which the Lynches were evicted were, as a matter of course, boycotted and loft on the landlord's hands. Emergency biiliffs wero put in possession as caretaker?, and a police pro tect! vo post, consistin;; of Acting Sergeant O'Connor and two conftablo?, wag appointed to protect tho bailiff.'. The bailiffs hays had occasion to come into Ballycar, a dis tance of aome four mile?, from time to time for aupplie?, and armed policemen generally accompanied them. During tho timo which has olajised since tbs eviction, besides the ordinary form of boycotting by refusing the buliff?, supplies at Now marketon-Fergus, there waa no reason to apprehend that personal violence would be offered to thn emergency men. The house in which they resided on tho derelict farm was not in a state of good repair, and its was determined to have eomo necessaries brought all the way from Dublin. A horsa and cart wero also expected, to draw mate rials for building purposes, and the animal and the caitin question wero within the past few days expected to arrivo at Baliycar from Dublin. Two or three visit? were made to see if the property had como, and on Monday evening, a journey of tho same kind iva3 paid to a railway station only to find that the cart had come, but not the horso. Byera and McManus, with Acting-Senre-snt O'Connor, having as certained this, started from the railway station, on their return journey to Clenagh Castle, aome four miles distant. Two armed constables walked on in front, while the bailiffs and the acting sergeant, the three being armed with revolvors, followed in the rear. , , , i It wa3 somewhat after eight o clock at night when the three last-named eet out on their journey. Tho night was dark and the passage from the station peculiarly adapted for a party. oE men in ambush to have a full view, owing to the lights flung by tho lamp? at the station, of the several parsons coming to the main road which leads to the village of Newmarket on-Fegus. distant an Irish mile, and thence on to Clenagh. As the party was returning to the farm and had got 300 yards from the station, a volley wag fired into the party of three, the two bailiffs and tho acting per eeant. Byers fell mortally wounded, receiv inc a discharge of aluga and pellets in the abdomen, and his two companions were both struck but not fatally. McManua was shot with a bullet in the arm. The other two

paiicoineo having by tbia time gone some distanca abead, the duty of returning_hre on the assailants devolved on Acting ser geant O'Connor. He returned firs, di 3 charging four barreU of bis revolver; the darkness of the night and the suddenness of tho attack rendering it almost bopeleea to expect any result. That it was so was speedily made .manifest, for under the shelter of, tho-hedgerows'Und walks 06 both sides of the roadway the men con cealed poured volley a:ter volley, until the

acting eerpeaut, severely wounded, ran for "is life. The policeman was wounded with polleta in the thigh and groin, but a subse quent examination showed that the iniuiies were not fatal. The report of the firing in a short time brought tho station master and ♦he officials from the railway. They found : Byors lying in tho roadway apparently un conscious, and blood (lowing freely from tho ! many wounds on his body. The shooting j party managed in tho confusion to J make good thoir e.?capo. It was found that Byers was wounded in tbo abdomen, with his viscera pro truding, and aleo wounded in the xroin and thighs. Wr. Vrost, who arrived within half an hour after the intelligence of tha occur rence reached him, extracted several pellete train Byers'a body, and at onco expressed the opinion that there was no hope of re- I covery. i yers was conveyed to Ennis In hi-mary, where hia death took place on luesday. McMnaus'a and 0 Connor* wounds were pronounced not necessarily fatal, and they are projrre?sin!» favour ably. The inquest upon thebodv wa9 held in tho County Clc.ro Infirmary, Ennis. Mr Cunningham, station master at Ballycar, deposed to hearing ehota fired along the road, and linding doceasod in a dying state. Medical evidence ehowed that several pellets had struck deeoised in tho back and loin?, parsing Into his body. Tho injured police cliicer was unablo to appear. The jury returned a verdict of " VVnTul murder against some persona unknown,"

English Traders Murdered in Western Africa

Pamioolaes havo been received of the murder in a fiandiah manner of several traders and others at l'atani Warrl Crook, West Africi. The murdors wern committed solely for tho purposo. of plunder, and tho culprits succeeded in destroying and carry ing away the whole of tha murdored pcoplo's property. Tho victims wero E Pythias Loivo and two other trader* mimed Johnson and Samuola, as well a? several native Urooraen. According to the information to hand it seeui* that a number of Kj.ioyoo people planned tha murder of tho • ccupants of tha factory and tho hulk at Patana as well a? tho robbery of the con touts. They therefore Hirroundod the factory on tho beach, nil of the men boing in ambush. Thoy remained in hiding all night, and between seven and eiirht o'clock tho next morning several of them put oil' to tho hulk lying in tho river for the purpose of trading with those on board. Mr Lowo and Mr Sirmiels wero on board tho hulk, and after soma bargaining the formar left for tho purpose of going to the stove to got some articles to barter with. Soon after ho left tha natives knocked Samuela overboard, and as ho rose to tho enrfeco thoy struck him with pieces of wood until he was dead Thoio wero a number of kroo labourers on boaid tho hc'.k, and as ooon as they saw tho turn matters hod taken they jumped into tho water, swam a»horo, and unadu oil' into attempted to prevent the murder of Mr Samuels, and these the natives eet: on and killed. Mr Lowe, hearing a noi*e, came out from the store, and was nuking hig way toward* the hulk when he was shot in the sida He fell, but was ablo to reach tho ?tairs of the factory, and was in the act of dragging himself up when he was attacked by a number of tho Ejhoyees, who had been lying in ambush, and lulled, hie head being cutoff. The men then attacked Johnson, and literally cut him to piece?. They were now in full po.'?oS3ion of both tha factory, stoic, and hulk, aud they at once set about rjhindering everything they could lay their bands on. A trading steamer coming up was just in time to see the destruction of tho factory. The natives by this time bad" aleo decamped with tho contents Tho»o on board tbe etaamer went on shore and found tho headloss body of Lowe. This they buried, but at night time the natives disintorredthe remains, and throw them into the river. Throe day 3 afterwards tho dead body of Samuels was seen floating in the river. Tho natives than went oft in a canoo and cut off tho head of the body. It was not stated in the desDatch if any others of the krooinan had been captarod by the natives, or whether they had escaped from the woods.

Rural Life in Russia.

Usury is tho greatest nightmare of rural Kues-ia at present, an evil which acorns to dog the present proprietor in all countries alike. The " Gombeed man" ie fast getting possession of the little Irish owners. A man who hires land cannot borrow on it ; tho littlo owner ia tempted always to mort gage it at a pinch. In Russia ho borrows to tho outside of its value, to pay the taxes and get in his crop. Tho bondago labourers, that is, men bound to work on their credi tor's land as interest for money lent, re ceive no wage 3 and are in fact a sort ot slaves. Thoy repay their extortioners by working as badly aa they can - a " level worst," far inferior to that of the serfs of old, they harvest three and a lulf or four stacks of corn where the other poisants get Svo. The koulaks and mir caters, and other usurers, often of peasant origin, ex haust the paasant in every way ; they thon foreclose the mortgages, unite the small pieces of land once more and reconstitute largo estates. A koulat ia not to be trilled with; he finds a thousand occasions for revenge ; the peasant cannot cheat the Jew as ho does the landlord, and is being starved put—the mortality is enormoue. In the rural districts of England the death rate U 18 per 1,000. In the whole of Central Kussia it reached 02 per 1,000 at the last revision in ISS2. " Tho famine, now ?o frightfully common, is not owing to barren oeaa of the soil, for the mortality is greator whero tho land ia bast. Tho birth rate in those provinces ia 45."

To Suppress Duelling.

The Reichstag has devoted a sitting to a discussion of duelling—a matter which oc cupies cither the Prussian or Imperial Par liament every year in some form or other— with no other resu't than to leave the ques tion precisely whore it was. Cabinet orders and other forma ol legal prohibi tion have been issued from time to time within the last sixty years in Prussia ap-ainst the practice of ordeal by battle, but all the edicts have been invariably adminis tered with a laxity amounting to positive indulgence, and there 13 still no sign of an earnest desire on the part of the Govern ment to rescue them from the desuetude in which they have to long lain. This week's dieeussion hinged on the motion of a clerical deputy to insert a clause in the criminal code against the practice of so-called Ameri can duelling, as well as to beg the Imperial Government to take energetic stepa toward suppressing the growing practice of duolling in the army, and at the univer sities. But it was clear from the debate that this proposal did not enjoy the hearty sympathy of tho majority ot the House, though it was referred to a select committee for detailed considerrtion. Perhaps the eenae of the majority was beat expressed by Herr yon Puttkamer, Prussian Minister of the Interior, who, cUiming to speak m a merely private person, eaid that in the motion and the resolution before the House be merely hebeld whit would probably prove an unsuccessful attempt to solve a groat problem, which past centuries had already vainly tried to solve. By the author of the motion, Herr Roichens perger, laudatory reference wan made to the abolition of duelling in England by the Prince Coneort and the Duke o? Wel lington. But the Germans are not.yot nearly ripe.for a social reform of this kind, in xpite of the persistent boasting of their writor3 that they are the most highly civilieed nation in Europe.

SOLDIERS TO TRY TO BE SHOT.

Extraordinary Speech by Lord Wolseloy.

On Tuesday, Lord Wolsaley presented com missions to'tho cadets of the Royal Military Academy, Woolwich, iii the absence of the Duke of Cambridge, who Mas prevented by indisposition from attoodiDg, Addressing the cadetß, he stated tho duko's illness was abating, and would probably permit of his return to hie dutiea in a few days. He urged the cadets to let there superiors see that they wore earnest, devoted, eelf deny ing, and ever foremost. If they sought distinction it would suro'.y come. They should never lose an opportunity, but should put themselves in the way ot opera tions involving personal risk. He knew that this advice was not in accord with the wishes of fond rolationa and friends, but he w»a bound to toll them distinctly and de liberately that according to hia experience and observation tho Buroet way to success in active service was to faco danger—in plain words, to take evory opportunity of baing shot, In on engagement it waa mnro than probable that a certain numbor of men would be shot, but those who lived ontl acted bravely would havo attracted tho attention of their superiors, and further opportunities of diatinctiou would be given them.

Lively Events for 1887.

This year, according to "Professor C. A. Grimmen, astrologer," whose prophecy was published sevoral years ago— orgininatly in tho " Kingston (Jamaica) Gleaner " in 187!) —there are to bo some events of an. onlivon ing nature. The "prophecy," which, it will bo soon, does derive special impressive ness from the extent of the astronomical knowledge its author indicates, h aa follows:— "In ISS7 the Star of Bethlehem will onco moro lie seen in Casseopoia's chair, und it will by accompanied by a total eclipse of tho sun and moon. This char only makes its appoarnnco every 315 years. It will illuminate tho heavens and oxceed in brilliancy oven Jupiter when in opposition to tho sun, and thereforo nearer td the earth and brightest. Tho marvellous brilliancy of the Star of Bath lehem in ISS7 will surpass any of itsprovious visitations. It will be fo>n even at. noonday shining with a quick Hashing light tho ontiro year ; after which it will disappear, not to return to our heavens until the year 2202. This is tho Btar which shone so brightly in tho year 4 n c:, and is the star which illumined tho heavens at tho nativity of Christ. The appearance of this atar, accorup»niod as it will ba by eolar nnd lunar oclipsos, togothor with tho baloful influence that follows the position which Mara and Saturn will then occupy, will cause aa universal war. North America will bo involved in' civil strife, and a roign of torror will prevail in the Atlantic States, unless a Napoleon shall ariso to quell it. There will bo a war of classes—the rich will array themselves against the poor, and rite it run everywhere " " Professor" ('rimmon,a3trologer,shoiild enter into part nership with tho motoorological man. Ba tween them they might drive a pretty good trado in tho prophetic lino in a world to largely composed of fools.

Extraordinary Riot in an Irish Workhouse

Some mouth? ago, the Local Government Board, in consequence of alloged irregu larities in connection with the granting of relief to evicted persons, suspended the elected guardians ot New Rose (County Waterford) Union, and appointed official paid guardians in thoir placo, The chango wosextremoly unpopular. Every effort has since been made to render tho position of the official guardians.untenable. Most of tho ratepayers have refused to pay ratus oxeept to an electivo board, and within tho workhouse disclipline haa.beon maintained and the administration of the union cirriod on only with tho greatest difficulty. On Thursday, matters wore complicated by tho resignation, at the bidding, it is alleged, of the local National League, of the matron, the three relieving officer?, and tho school master. Tho official gaaniianp, Messrs Wall and Nolan, therefore met on Thurs day for the purpose of making arrange ments to cover tho duties hitherto per formed by the retiring officials. They wero in the tailors' and shoemaker's work shop on Thursday, taking stock of the material, when the master of the work hnnee, Sergeant Mayor McAuliffa, rushed inte the room with tho alarming intelli gence that the pauper inmates had revolted, and were Bearching for tho guardians, with the avowed object of wreaking summary vengeance upon them. Almost at tho samo moment the alarmed officials saw a great crowd of shouting and gesticulating men and women advancing straight upon the workshop, and thoy immediately looked tho door arid prepared to defend themselves The mutineers numbered nearly fo'ir hun dred, and a number were armed wtth crow bars, with which the door was speedily smashed in. A determined attack was then made upon the officials. Mr Wall was savagely beaten, his head was cub. and his clothing torn almost to raus. Mr Nolan and Mr Me Auliffo were also badly beaten,althoueh they made a vigorous roeietanco. Mr Wall escaped to tha boaidroom with tho assis tance of Mr Pope, the clerk to the guar dians, who had alsc sent word to the police an soon as ho hoard of the outbreak. Mr Nolan ran to the entrance gate and out into the town, the mutineers pursuing him, throwing stones and jeering ns far as tho corner of Woxfordstreet. By thia time a strong force of police had arrived, but order was restored with groat difficulty, Bnd only with tho moral assistance ot a number of prominent townspeople, who pointed out tho folly of their conduct. Thepolico made a number of arreats.includ in<* six women who had taken a prominent pa"rt ia tho mutiny. Mesera Wall, Nolan, and McAuliffe are now under medical treat ment. Great excitement prevails through out the district.

A Terrible and Fatal Wreck.

The Cunard Bteamor Gallia, which arrived in the Mersey on Wednesday, brought des patches from Halifax, N.S., giving particu lars of tho terrible wreck of the vessel G. Graham. Tho C. Graham wan lost off the Canadian coast, and it was at first believed thatallonboardhadperished. Subsequently, however, it waß found that all of tho crew with tho exception of the captain had escaped. though not until they had undergone a terrible experience The C. Graham was going from Bermuda to Halifax. She en countered a dense fog, and at the estnu time ft terrible gale sprang up, The vessel was forced out of her course, and driven on to the rocks with such forco that she was torn almost from stem to stern. The crew got on the bridge, and by the mo9t desperate efforts gained the treach eroua rock. The captain was seen to go into the cabin, but never came out again, being drowned when tha vessel wan smashed to pieces. The survivors clambered to the top of the rock, which was only « few feet in circumference. They remained there for two days land t.wo nights in the intense cold, and without food or shelter Had the man slept they would havo been frozen to death. Tho mate, who was the least robust in health, ira? caught falling three times, and thu* saved by his comrades. On the l«et> occasion ho said. " It's no u?e ; I will shut my eyes for the last time.' On the third day the gale abated, and tho people put off from tho shore and rescued the man. They could not reach tho island and had to throw lines to the shipwrecked men, afterwards hauling them on lifebuoys through the sea. All were more or less bruised by their adventure.

THE WELLINGTON UNEM PLOYED.

A Suggestion for the Queen's Jubilee.

UxDrp. the beading " Distress in Welling on •' a correspondent, signing himself " Odb in want and ten moutha idle," writes to a Wellington paper :—" Sir, from the accounts we hoar of from time to tima about the preparations thct are being mado to celebrate tho ">Oth year' of the reian of our moat sovereign lady tho Queen, I cortainly uphold a grand display, aud to =how to tha Old Country and to all other nations that wo honour and adoro her ; but I would like to show to the outside world this jubiloo the groat distress that is in Wellington at tho present time. You huvo only got to go and look at tho Queen's Wharf and coo for yourself. It is the hod-quartors for the labouring classes and also tho uncmp'.oyod men of this our mi.'orab'.o emporium of Now Zealand. I should, for one, adviso tho unemployed, un t.l ji cjr&txt nu nib or tticre is who aro married mon and having large familic?, on the day of ce-lobrution to form thcmselvea up in front of tho Govornment House, and fcliow to tbo Queen's representa tives tho poinfn! si.;ht to look at-a noblo looking crowd of able-bodied men who are willing to work, but no work for them. Lot thorn bring banners of distress with thorn, and let tho reporters from tho various newspapers in Wellington ba invited to report; tho truth of what takoa place. Lot a full report, through the prc?s be forwurdod lloino to tho Old (Joun try, nnd also to Germany, But by eonding such reports tho latter coun try would not Rtop tho emigration from that country, for all tho Government billots, pucb as warehouses and stores, as well na under tho employment of tho City Council nnd Harbour Board, proves that thoy prefer Germans to thoco good old Englishmen, and a* for poor Pat, no Iri-h n'.'O'l apply to tho Harbour Uoard olliciiils."'

A CHINESE TRAGEDY.

The KcvenKo of a Younger Son on

an Unnatural Brother

Tin: " Poking Gazette" contains a remark able and tragic story of Cliinoso lifo. One Li Kuoicheng was adopted when a child into anothor branch of the Li family of Uonnn and inherited a small property and a hou^o, in which he went to live with liia ndoptod mother. He had an elder bro'hsr, Li Tohun, who, his housa having been burned down, came with his wife and child to lii-o with Li Kuei • chong, monopolizing tt.o greater part; of tho hou^o and occupying the lnnd for his own benefit, making tho younger Li, who having lioen adopted iuto another family wa* now no longer his bro ther but his cousin, go nncl earn his living outsido. When the younger Li came of ujro he inarriod and had a daughter, and natur ally tried to rosuuio possession of tho Jand and house, which wore unquestionably his. Tho elder Li, however, wan not to be dispossessed, and the younger one hav ing nothing to live on, Ret out on the tramp with hi* wifo and daughter. At ft neighbouring town ho sold his incutn brances- for porno 'JDJoIs. in copper en«h, hired a wheelbarrow and trundled the pur chose money back to his homo. la obodi once to (hose diotitoa uf lilial piety which nro po strong in tho Chinese bresist, ho gnve '.'(i lols. from the proceeds of liia wife and' child to Ms adopted mother and started out into tlio world a^ain with tho remaining Sdole. As soon a« ho had gono the alder Li forcod the old lady to give up to him tho monoy she had rocoivod ; tho yodngor Li roturned, and when he eomowhat naturally demanded the res titution of tho money tho older Li refused and gave him a bolting This was more than flash and blood could stand; tho younger Li had been robbed of his houso and land and ho had to poll his wifo and child to support hi? adopted mother and ho had to peo her robbod of the proceeds. Tho wild justice of rovetigo took popfca eion of him, and single-handed in the middle of the nipht ho murdered Li Te-hua with Li To-hoa's wifo and child.

There is probably no country in the world but China whero tho younger Li in such a case would not havo been found guilty "with oxtenuating circumstance?," and in China one would havo expected that the filial piety which ho displayed would havo ple.vlnd in his favour. But tho Go vernor of Ifonfln. who reports tho case to the throne, evidently takes no ncconnt of the provocation which Li Kuei cheng roceived. Tho only difficulty which troubles Witi in pissing sontonco is whether tho cnl prit is to bo treat od as a man who has murdered hie brotSor or his cousin. Voluminous as tho criminnl law of China is, there i? no ppecilic penalty prescribed for o man who murders one who i 3 b7 blood hi 3 brother, but by adoption hif> cousin. The Governor solves the dillicnlty by treating the " ca?o fta nn aggravated form of the mur der of threo persons of a family, the principal victim of which wag n cousin, and passing a Eentonce one degree more severe than tho one provided fnr tho murder of a, couainand two otliermorabers of his family;" and Li Kuoi-eheng is sentenced to death by the lingering proco?s. Tho Governor con cludes with a tnuch of prim humour ; tho poor culprit "would havo had to to bo punishod for tho minor crime of soiling hia wife, had he not boon exeouted for the capital crimo." Li Kuei-chong is sliced to pioces for taking tho law into his own hands, a capital crimo in an old and 30ttled country Hko China. There in another foatnre cf Chinese social life nn which this wrotclied cieo seams to throw some light, and that is the difliculty the jSoor appear to find in setting reparation for a wrong by means of the law. There is no reason to imagine that tho Govornor of Honan exaggerate' in any way tho injuries suffored by Li Knei-chonsr, and in a country whoro every official is bound to bo tho fathor of thoao under his authority the sufferer ought to have been able to find someone to take up hia case. Ho was evidonMy a pood sort of man as the world goes. When ho i 3 robbed of his in heritarico ho goes out into the world to seek bis own living. To our notions h>s salo of his wife and child is sufficiently repugnant, but ho does this for the ."okn of his adopted mother, not, for his own eaUo, and he' gives up to her 26' dole. out of the 20dols. that ho receives in payment. Ho must have been poraistontly robbed by his elder brother for some twenty yonrs, for he wan only ft child when he was adopted, nnd yet in all that time ho does not seem to have been able to find a pro secutor in the law. Surely this is em phatically a case for one of tho Censors to bring before the throne, and wo shall watoh future iesuee of the Peking "Gazette" with interest to see if any nofcic3 is taken of the merciless iurlgmont of the' Govornor of Honan on a crime which ia really due to tho remissnesa of the mafjist«-ates of tho province, who ought certainly to havo boats at leaa traprimanded in tho memorial.

A song with the title " There's a Sigh in the Hoort," was Bent by a young man to hie sweetheart, but tho papor fell into the hands of the girl's father, a very unsenti mental physician, who exclaimed,_ " What wretched unaciontifio rubbish i? this ? Who ever heard of such a caee?" . Ho wrote on the outeide, " Mistaken diagnosis ; no sigh in the heart possibls. Sighs relato almost ontiroly to the lunp(» and diaphragm."

A WIFE BAITED BY A BULLDOG.

Tbe Beast Rounded on by A Drunken Husband,

" You've killed the dog? Now if the man were only a corpse it would be still more satiefnetory." This sanguinary sentiment, uttered by Jußtice Patterson in the Harlem Police Court, is an index to his feelings after having liateued to a recital of what was one of the most atrocious assaults ever committed in this citf. Officers had j'ist returned to the court and informed him that tho animal—an immense, savage bull- ■ dog—that had dono a drunken husband's j inhuman bidding, was dead. The man could not bo found. Justice Patterson was filled with a righteous indignation. He ordered that the police search nigh and low for the offender. A Brutish Husband. The story to which the Justice listened with wido-opened eyes and burning choflks was told by Mrs Mary Fitzpatrick, who was | assisted into the room by her daughter, I twenty years old. The latter is tho main stay of tho family. It consists, beeides these, of two young children and Jamee, the husband, of whoee cruelty they were complaining. This is the story they told : — Their home is in a Bhanty on Sixty-sixth street-, between Eight and Ninth Avenues. Fitzpatrick is a labourer. A considerable part of tho money he earned went for liquor. He often came home drunk and has mude a practice of ill-treating his wife. This part of the etory, with a woman's true tonder ness of heart, Mrs Fitzpatrick forebore to tell, but tho daughter mado it all clear to Hia Honor. The woman's appearance attested ito truth. Sho looks 50; she is only 40. Her husband is two yoars older. Which was tho Beast? The man wont to his homo Thursday afternoon in his usual condition of maudlin imbecility, do became abusive, and when hia wife tried to escapo hie blows by running he chased her out of tho house into the vacant lots and caught her. Ho seized her by the collar of hor dross and oullod to a big bulldog that has for woeks been the torror of tho neighbourhood and sot him on the defencoleßß woman. The savage beast did his work well. Tho more Mrs Fitzpatrick tried to drive him off tho moro furiously he strove to tear hor limbs, and in his efforts ho was wildly encourogod by the human bruto, who held thoscromriing woman in hia grasp, Tho outrage lasted only a few mo merits. Fitzpatrick was njt So drunk but, that ho recognised tho enormity of his offence, und he drove the dog off. Thon the wife wont to her bed and faintod. Yesterday she had summoned strength to come to Court. From there she went to tho Ninety ninth Street Hospital, where she will be confined many days, Torn From Hoad to Foot. Upon one Bide sho is lacerated from shoulder to foot. Her arm was bitten and torn and bruisod co badly that scarcely a whole piece of ekin remains. On her hip a place as large as a dinner plate was gnawed. Eere tho foroeioua beast's teeth penetrated deap into the llesb. All down that limb aro marks of a dog's teeth and claws. The surgoons cared for her as tenderly as possible. ■ Hunting; the Inhuman Husband, When tho terrible story was finished the Justice sent out Court Officer Tiernan immediately with a warrant for the arrest of Fitzpatrick. Ho also ordered Mr Bergh's society to be notifiod to catch the dog and secure him until tho trial. Officer Smart was sent up by tho society for that purpose and both men arrived at the Bhanty on the rocks at the same timo. Neighbours of the family caw them coming, and told Smavt that if he vuluod hia life he had better take tho dog to Court dead than alive. When he saw tho anitaal snarling in the doorway ho coincided with thmr opinion. He shot the brute. Fitzpatrick, as statod above, was not at homo. Tho officers made their rospectivo reportß to tho Justice, who gave vonc to bis feelings in the words that hoad this article. Tho officers in the HaHem Court who heard tho story that Mrs Fitz patrick, aidod by hor daughter, told, could 1 not find words to characterise the deed of ■ hor husband. Justice Pstterson'e senti- ; ments wore heartily seconded. They con sidered hanging too good for him.

Humorous.

A Losdost solicitor rocontly tendered a bill in which the last item was thus etated — "To dining with you after the case was lost."

"This is something I have juet dashed off," Baid tho farmer's wife aa aha took tho butter from the churn,

In a Liverpool workshop there are four men who rejoice in the euphonious namoß of Lo?e, Friendship, Knight and Sweet. Tourist: " What's" my bill ?" Waiter: " Lot me ace, your room w»b " Tourist: " I didn't have any rocm, I slept on the billiard table." Waiter : " Ah, well, then, a shilling an hour." Brond Is tho staff of lite, they siy ; And be it also < i> .Icon, It wtm't euporrt a man a day Unless it ilrst bo btoken. " Putting a natural rote on the toe of house slippers is the latest," says a fashion paper. This is another dudge of tho " old man's" to lure hiß victims to destruction. The young man will please take warning. There's n chorn in that tcaa. On tho jamb of the door of an eating house near tho docks, tho curious may read tho following announcement printed, con veying foarful intelligence to the gallant S tars who frequent, this port:—" Sailors ! rilal* cooked horo." An American statesman got off at Fall View to look at Niagara. After examining lit critically for a moment, he turned to a I byßtander and remarked, " Huge affair, ain't it ? I 'epose it runß all night too." A French paper points out that tho passion for gambling is so groat in England that evon in wedding notices it is necessary to stato there are "no cards," in order to put a check upon tho national tendency to gamble on all occasions. Magistrate.: " Areyou. aware of any miti gating circumstances in your case?" Criminal; " Yos, m'lud ; this is tho fittieth time I have been arrested for vagrancy, and I thought that perhaps you and I might colebrato tho jubileo." " Now, tell me," said the doctor, address ing tbe aged Somersetshire peasant he had been announced to attend, "1 suppose you do not often have a bath, do you ?" " Well, no," returned Hodgo, after some minutea' thought, " I doan't never take such things, but I've hoard toll aa ow my old mother took several when she was alive.-1' " Yes," said the new pastor, " you have a very tine auditorium, and the new pulpit is artistic, both in conception and workman ship. So far, so good ; and with a stage properly fitted up in tho chapel, and a good dancing floor and tho proper cooking materials, I don't see why we may not make this a thriving wide-awakf) church, and accomplish no end of good." Plancho writes :—My old fellow traveller in Germany, himself an Irishman, being on the box of an Irish mail-coach on a very: cold day, and observing the driver envelop ing hie neck in the voluminous foWs of an ample " comforter," remarked, " You seem to bo taking very good care of yourself, my friend." " Oh, to be sure 1 am, sir," an swered the driver; what's all the world to a man when hia wifo'B a widdy ?" PS AND Q's. A pair of oxon ho will UV With many haws and G's Anil thclrmisaksßhi) will XQ'i While ptoushini? for hlsP'd. . . In raising crnpi he rUOE L'«, And therefore little O's And when he hoes his soil by epella, - He also soils his hoso.

A Despatcher's Story.

Several years a?o I was employed as train despateher on a: Southwestern American railroad. As usual, there Were three of us in the office. ' I had what is 1 called the " second trick," my hours o duty being from 4 p.m. to 12 p.m. The third man, Charlio Burns, who came on at midnight and worked till 8 a.m.. was a particular triend of mine. He was a young m«n of high character, a fine deap&tcher, and very popular ; and when, during the burning days of Ju,ly, it became known among the men that he was confined to his room by a severe attack of malignant fever, many were tho expressions of regret and hope for iiia speedy recovery. During the trying daya of Charlie's illnes? I spent all the time I could sparo by his ei.le, but on account of his absence from the office it was necessary for the remaining two of us to "double up"—that is, work twelve hours each, my watch being from S p.m. to S a.m. I came on duty one evening feeling very bad. The weather was so warm I could not sleep well in the daytime; besides, I had spent a considerable part of tho day with Charlie, whose illnoas had now reached a critical stags, and seemed to Bhow little prospect of improvement. Hence, as you may imagine, I was not at all, pleased to find that. I was likely to have a buey • night of it. A wreck on the road during the day had thrown all tho regular trains off time, and beeides the usual number of special freights there was a special passenger train to leave Linwood, tho ea3torn terminus of our division, at 11 p.m., with a large party of excursionists re turning from a picnic. For several houni I had my hands full. There was a special train of livo Btock bound east which had to be kept moving, but was being delayed by hot journeys ; neverthe less I hoped to got them into Lin wood before the excursion train started west.

As usually happens in such cases, the ex cursion train did not get ready to leave on timo, and it was 11.40 p.m. when they re ported for orders, at Linwood, I fixed up their'orders, got the report of their de parture from Linwocd at 11.43 and en tered it on tho train sheet. Thon, having for the first timo that night a fow minutes' breathing time, I rose from tho table and wont over and seated myself by the window, where it was cooler than under the heated gus-jeta over the table. I was alone in the office, and as I sat enjoying tho cool breezo which came in through the open window a neighbouring church clock rang out the hour of 12. From force of habit, I glanced at< the door, almost expecting to hear Charlie's light footstep on the stair and see the door open to admit him as of old. "Poor fellow," I thought, " it will be a longtime beforo he enters that door again, if he ever dooe." Just at the last stroke of 12 o'clock, and whilo my eyes were still fixed on the door, it opened and Charlie Burns entered. : My astonishment may be imagined better than I can describo it. My first thought was that in the delirium of fear he had escaped from his nurses and made his way to tho ofiice, but when 1 left him a fow hours bfiforo I could not have believed that ho had etrength enough to get out of bed. I sat and watched him in speechless sur prise, which was increased by his strange manner.

Instead of his U3ual hearty greeting, he took no notice of me at all, but walked directly to tho table and sat down. Placing his hand upon the key he began calling "Q," which was the signal for Jilm Grove, tho first station, six miles west of Linwood. "I, I, Q," came the response. "Put out signal for special passenger west and copy," "Ko,""Ko." "Da," rang out tho sounder with Charlie's nirnblo fingers upon the key. " Ro " was the call tor Ro3edale, the second station from Linwood, eight mileß west of Elm Grove. "I, I, Ko," came back tho answer.

"Is special east coming? Ds," Then as I sat by tho window as one paralysed the awful truth flashed across my mind. I had overlooked the stock-train, thundering eastward twenty milea on hour, and made no provision for its meeting tho excursion-train. My blood eeemod turned to ico as I heard the reply : " They are at the switch. Ro." Another minute and it would bava been too late.

Still apparently oblivious of my f reeence, Charlio reached Cor the order-book with hia left hand, while his right continued to manipulate the key,and I heard the »oundor click :

Out signal and copy Ds. Order JS'o. 73t. To C. and K. Knit. 31 Eo. C. uudlC. Special east enR. 3i Will toke siding and meet special west eng. 19 at Rosedale.

Quick as flash came back the response from each station, and in less time than it takes mo to write it the order had been re peated and signed by tho conductor and engineer of each train, while Charlie copied it into tho order-book and returned his " 0 K."

Then, as I realised that I was saved and a great disaster averted, the revulsion of feel ing was too much for my ovorstrained nerves, and I lost consciousness.. An hour afterl was awakened by a fami liar voice and looked up to find Frank Dwycr, Ono of our conductors, who had voluntoeredto watch that night with Charlie, etanding over me. " Wake up, old man,' said he, "I havo bad news for you. Charlie died just as the clock was striking 12. ;l I roused myself and wont to the table. There on the order book was the order just as I had heard it clicked out by tho thunder and "Ro " was calling me to report tho two trains safely. Had I beon dreaming and Bont the order in my sleep, or bad my f riond redoomet* his promise ?

The writing in the order book was in his hand,and I havo never been able to account for it.

Punishments in the East.

The usual punishments in Oriental countries are the bastinado, fines, maim ing, imprisonment in irons (the chain-gang), imprisonment, simple confinement, death.

The bastinado ia dispensed on the soles of bare feet. Unleas by the Sultan or Shah's exprees order, it is not in these times often carried so far as to causa death. The ordinary application of the bastinado means very much what wo would call a " good hiding," and nothing more. In the eyes of Eastern peoples there is nothing to lower them in.having " eaten stiok." The bastin ado is, as a rule, given to all small offenders who arenot fined by order of the cadi ; just as our metropolitan police magistrates give a prisoner a month's hard labour with out the alternative of a forty-shilling fine. Those who join in any way in a plot with the criminals are usually bastinadoed till they confess all they know. Where lesser criminals are concerned, who-have not done anything very heinous, they are lightly bastinadoed, receiving fifty or a hundred strokes, and allowed to go away. The sticks used in Turkey are usually heavy staves; in other countries thin rattan canoe, ending in a fine tapering point. The best proof of tho value nf bastinadoing may be gathered from what a Persian soldier once said when asked his choice of having either this punishment or losing a month's pay — equivalent to 7c Gd of our money—" Why, tho beating of course !" When ordinary criminals are given their choice as to their punishment they, too, al most invariably prefer tli9 bastinado. It does not really cause them so much pain as a European would imagine. From the fact that the lover classes in the Bast always go about everywhere barefooted, tholr feat be

come, as ib were, ease-hardened. To a European, of course, this punishment would be very awful. As many as two thousand sticks have been broken over the feet of a criminal—that would mean upwards of six thousand blows, Yet the man lived and thrived after it.

Fines vary in the East according to the position of the offender. Simple imprison ment is usually reeerved for burglars or those who owe moDey ; imprisonment in irons is the lot of thoso who commit act 3 of violence. Maiming is carried out ordinarily .only on professional thieves. The method of inflicting this punishment is generally by cutting off the joint o£ a finger for the first offence,'and the hand for the second. Sometimes a man is lamed by taking away.a part of hia Achilea tendon. Blinding U scarcely ever resorted to. Occasionally the ears are cut off, tha criminal in this, as in other cases, being taken through tha large crowd of gazers in the bazaar to the place of execution. Surgical amputations in. the East are objected to by the authorities because, of the loss of caste, which attaches to, those who are judicially mutilated. The simple puniahmont of death Is the special privilege of murderers, as well as those guilty of high treason, or even high way robbery. It ia inllietod in most eases by simply cutting the throat of the wrotched prisoner, much in tha way that a butcher slaughters an ox. In' cases where men of high rank huvo been brought in guilty of crimes of violence, tfao fiontencs of tno lciw is carried out, aa a rule, by poisoning or strangling. There are, of course, exceptional punish ments in the East, notably that of being blown from the cannon's mouth'or from a mortar, or crucifixion. Then, again, thoro is burning alive and burying alive. For women, the capital pnuisbment employed is usuaily' strangling, 01 bainc jumped upon when wrapped up in a carpet. Con demned women aro nlao liable to ba thrown down from precipices, or drowned in a well or running stream. One man in Persia three years ago went through the valioy of tho shadow of death twice when led out for oxecution. He was taken to be blown from a gun after seeing a fellow-culprit put to death in this way. The executioners prepared to lash him to the muzzle of the piece ; bnt in consequence of his being of short stature, stones had to be fetched for him to stand oh. Thon all being arranged, the order was given to lira. But the.eun did not go off. It was dis covered that the artillerymen in their hurry had forgotten to load it with jiowder. But although urgent requests were made to the Governor, he refused under any circum stances to. spare the man, who was tempor arily unbound while they loaded tho gun, and then finally blown away. Such are some of the terrors which criminals in the East have to go through. Crucifixion is carried out usually against a wall. The unfortunate culprits often do not die at once; indeed, they sometimes linger for several hours or even a day. On? man was not long ago executed in this way for having stolen eomo article of value bo lenging to the Governor. His crime was considered as equivalent to high treason. A large g»ng of highway robbers in Persia were buried alive in 1882' b- being walled up inside brick pillars. Even burning to death 13, at the' present day, resorted to sometimes. At Teheran, the Shad now adays does not appear in person when an execution takes place,, though it was the custom, up to his time, for the Shad (or governor in other cities) to preside at all executions. AH criminals condemned to doath are, ai a rule, kept in prison, with their doom hanging over them, from day to day, till every farthing has been got from them, as well as from their friends, and from everybody bek: s-ing to them. After all this prolongation of agony they are finally executed. Great criminals are now and again executed in prison, and their bodies thrown out into the public stropts or squares. In cases where this is not done they aro said to haye died a natural death ! —" London Evening News."

Reported Fracas in a London Theatre

The London correspondent of the "Bir mingham Gazette" writes.—" Tho clubs are ringing with the story of Afracn* which took plSce at the Gaiety Thaatro a couple of evenings ago. At the end of the second act a peer, who occupied cne of the private boxes with a party of friends, doscended with ono of the latter to the stalls. Among the occupants of these scats was tho heir to an ea'ldom, He was called out by tho pear's friend, and charged by tho nobleman with having made come im proper or untruthful reference with re gard to some person not then pre sent. Angry words were exchanged From words they came to blows, and there was a serious scrimmage. One of the com batants received an ugly black eye before they could be separated. Humour haa it that had not friends intervened, tho affair might have assumed a very ugly aspect in deed. 'A duel is now talked of, but it is hoped that by the interposition of friends further scandal will be averted."

AU REVOIR.

Jtr poor dead darling lay in my arms. Like a wounded bird of God, Ye' niv rehel heart would turn aside The Father's chastening rod, ( For my selfish love would keep him here, weary, and sad. and lone, < When a glorious life awaited him, I Safe oy the Father's throne. , His dear bine eyes looked lovingly- ' In the dark, sad room of death ; His lips, like cherries, so pale and sweet, Fanned by the zephyr's breath; - • And waring locks of his flaxen hair But gave him asaintly grace. And iLbw my waiting heart did kiss An angel's holy face. , And still, with the smile of. youthful love, ; That beautified his form. i The idol of. my heart lay there. Safe from the beating storm ; Mv eyes sreiv heavy with burning tears, Wailing o'er visions fled : But a glorified saint had enter d life. And only my heart lay dead. Aye! only my wearied heart lay dead, For now he roams in bliss : Yet—au rcvoir—wc shall meet, npraiu And greet each with a kiss. The world was fair-hut oh! fairer still ■ Tho realms of yon peaceful shore; It was not death—but a second life. And my heart beats—aw rcvoir. W. R. Wills.

Post Card Proof.

Salisbury. Tens., April 4,1583. Gents :—I was afflicted with soriouu Kidney and Urinary trouble for twelve years. After trying all the doctors and patent medicines I could hear of, I used two bottles of Uop Bitters and am perleotly cured. - ■ B. F. BOOTH. Washington, D.C., April i<, 1883. Tβ the Hop Bitters Co.: Sine:—l write this as a token of the grca aporeoiation I have for your Bitters. I wai afflicted with Inflammatory Rheumatism eevei years, and no medicine seemed to do me anj good until I tried three bottles of /our Ho] Bitfters, and to my surprise I am as well t.o-daj as ever I was. I hopo yon may have great «uo cess in this great and valuable medicine. Any one wishing to know more about my cure, oaß learu by addressing me. S. M. WILLIAMS, 1103,12 th St. Prosecute the Swindlers!! If when you call (or American Hep Blttere (see green twig of Hops on the while label and Dr. Soule's name blown in the bottle), th-a ven dor handa out anything but American Hep Bitters, refuse it and shun that vendor us you would a viper: and If he has taken your money for anything else, indiot him for the fraud and lue him tor damages tor the swindle, and we wUl.pu jou liberally for the oonviotion.

A woman thought She had struck the concentrated essence of epltofulness when ehe told her neighbour, " If you didn't wear a wig, I'd like to pull your hair for you, you naety thing." . . ..

FOR THE YOUNG FOLK.

mother waxts her boy.

There's <v homestead waitine foryou. my boy, ! - li>. a o.uaint old fashioned town; The :.;it:.v muss dins* !<> tho garden wall, And tin; dwdlinij > low ami brow». But a vacant cluiif by tlm fireside stands, And never a itrace is said But. the mother prays that her absent sou Soon may bn liinu'divard led : . For the 11101 her want? her boy. She (rains HlO vines ami tends the flowers, For she says. " My boy will come ; Ami i vv;iiitil,u(jui.:t. humble place To bu just iU-.a tbo item- old home ■ Tl:a-i i: Heciiue.! ivi.en he. ngentle lafl, ■ i;?.-ill,i)ih:r:: theori-hards gold. Ami Ka'Jitriif rone.-) aii.l lilies fail Ririnore I!'.in his hands could hold ; And still 1 want my boy." How well she knows (lie very plaoo Where you phiyed ,11 bat and ball : Ami the violet cap you wore ;it school Still bamr.i on its hook in the hall; And when tho twilight hour draws near She steals adoivn l.lie lane To cosset the lambs 5 on used to pet. And ilri-ani you mm homo :i;-ain ; For tho mother wants her boy. Sh'o is growing old and her eyes are dim Wit li vrat'chiiiK Jay by day. For Ihe children iiuriurcd at her breast Have slipped from her arms away : Alone, ami lonely, she names the hours, _ As tbiMleur one-; eiime and 0:0; Their t'oini; " 'J'he. hours o£ snow;" And ever she wants her boy.. AVal!< on, toil on ; e^ivc strencjlh iintl mintX To the task in yo'nv chosen place ; Jiu t nevoi" I'orjyot the dear old home. Ami tho mother's lovinir face! Yon may eonut your blessings seoro on scorej You may heap your golden grain.. ■ • ■ lint remember, when herprrave is made Your coming will he in vain : And How she wants her boy. : - A physician eaya:—"lf a child does not ' thrive on fresh milk, boil it." This is too severe Why not whip it! Pets ara never seen in Africa, and "a nogro has never boon known to tame an elephant or any wild animal." A boy was asked what meekness was. He thought for a moment, and then said : — ,' " Meekness give 3 smooth answers to rough i questions." • ' " What, is the worst thing aboutl riches ?" c asfed the Sunday-school superintendent, and the now boy said, "Not having any." ! A Shaw-strcot five-year-old at the supper tabta last evening set down a cup of milk, . which ho had raieed to his lips, with tho re mark, " Mamma, I believa the milkman has a sour cow." • The youngest school teacher in Alabama, ' is little Mary Duke, of Cianton, between sis : and seven years old. She has made up ; an infant's school;' and hsr terms are ten i cents a month for teaching the little oneß their letters. The Morning Meal.—".Turn, mamma, ' leth's do down to thupper," said a little ■' Birkdale toddler to her mother, one morn ing recently. " Why, vre don't have supper in the morning," roplied the mother. "Den lefch'a do down to dinner," urged the little one. " But we don'c have dinner in the morning,'' corrected' the mother. "Well, den, leth's do down, anyway," pleaded the child. "But try to think I what meal wo have in the morning," urged mamma. " I know nnv,-," ea i(j i Qe toddler, brightening up. "What meal do v;o have in the morning?" "Oatmeal. Turn on, leth'ado."

BOYS V. SPARROWS.

The Fall River " Globe " relates than a crowd of' boys attempted to amuso them selves by thi"owing greon apples at the nests of English sparrows, but got into a very lively fight with thoro pugnacions litfcla creatures. The .trees were iilled with hun dreds of birds, which stood the fun until it became monotonous, and then organised and marie a dash upon their tormentors. They flow straight for the face and it began to look serious for the urchins. Some of the latter ran to a safe distance and looked.on, bnt the more ad venturous waged the battle. Two boys were pecked until their faces and hairaa were covered with blood, and they wore obliged to defend themselves with clnba in order to save their eyea. They tired be fore the sparrowa, however, and at last were obliged to beat n retreat. •■'-■■'

Ladies' Gossip.

Sick Wipe: "If I die, John, ,ypu,., will nover marry again, will you?" John, with unneceessary earnestness : "No, indeed." A recent wedding in New York was at tended by a bridesmaid who was herself engaged to marry the bridegroom a year ago. Woman of the Woild, to youthful ad miror: " You soom to know a great deal (if married life. Are yon married ?" Masher, with a UiUe air : " No, but my father is." A young working man was being shown tbo advantages of having a home of bia own instead of knocking about in lodgings. *' I i don't aeo," said he, " the good of. giving some woman half my victuals to get t'other half-cookod." Talk to woman about religion, aha sigh 3 ; talk to her of lova, she simpers ; talk to her of art, eho yawns ; talk to D6r of "Ecionce, she goBB to sleep : but talk to her ot dress, ' and she will opoa ncr eyes and give you the ! entire attention of her eai-3. Professor Zwiber, of the University of Bonrj.is a very absent-minded man: Ha was busily engaged in solving some scientific problem. Tbo servant hastily opened the door of his studio aud announced a great family event. "A little stranger has arrived." ""Eh?" "There is a little boy." "Little boy! Well, ask him what he wants." ' * - :...« Vji '• ; ;f.-> Hampton Court Chapel was once the scene oil a singular epidemic. One Sunday a youthful beauty feinted, and the hand some Sir Horace Snymour carried her out. Next Sunday another young lady was simi larly attackod, and Sir Horace, with like gallantry, sprang to her relief. And thus the epidemic went on. On eucceaeivOjSun days successive youthful beauties fainted, and the handsome Sir Horace carried them successively out, till he got iired of bearing such sweet burdens. An announcement was at.last made that all swooning nymphs would be carried out of chapel by the dustman, whereupon the malady rapidly disappeared. So the story goes.

TWO SISTERS AND THEIR BEAUS.

John Quincy Adams and John Hancock, "the signer," married two sisters,-the daughters of a noted Methodist divine in Connecticut. John Quincy was favourite with the old people, and Mary's choice was approved by them. So, when the banns were published, the parent said : " Mary, if you will furnish; the jtext I will preach you a wedding sermon." She was equal te the ta?k, and gave the text: " Mary hat& chosen the good pirb, which 6hall not bti taken from her." Needless to eaythat justice waa done to the occasion, and the text. KoU so with .Margaret, who in tho meanvvhilo wus recoiving the attentions of fier John in a very inexpensive way, so far as her patents were concerned, for it is said that "he never crossed his legs under their festive board." So when the banns were published sho said to her father: " father, you .preached a wedding sermon for Mary ; can not you preach o'he for mo'?'1 He iirijt de murred, but at last consented, and called for the text, when Margaret, who was equal to the occasion, paid: "And John cams neither eating nor drinking, and yet ye cay be batb a devil,"

THE AUCKLAND EVENING * STA&, -AFSIL oy--1887.

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