A CLEVER SCHEME

ja jUrfonary^ Worn WlUch Paid. s' ri' .«v of a new type has turned up *<rre*M°ntso£ HMladelphia. He ':: * f«collontintontii)iK«, but ho has ■'■** -way of manifesting them. A 13 jrfMW observation of [he methods MTJa philanthropists and benevolent fP1 *'6 H.fied him that their managers Sleß ffllir living w a fruit of their rft«n !eCU. Ha could not coo any reason not do likewise, ami it is W ha ii Z difference of opinion between S*fS. United Stated Po ß t-offlce bitD »"?„ t htt t provents leraol 11. Wood, >*X rirard Avenue, from still carrying ol* , the moat prosperous schamos of oo oneol J t launched amid a con -I®'P,\ I Tho tale ho gave a oorros- H" 0'5,"?, ,id enough to fill a midnight c- c »■ itli lamontations. Bis""1 The Flahor.

, (..udavictim of unrighteousness," "i 0 Wood "Tho Post-office pooplo s*l SLnkindoesa to call mo ' a fraud ' and hJffl k"wnon, as a simple matter of fact, ' niban tw years I havo been engaged fct lUffnrk Thoy object tomymothmk '^fl intern is an otlbctive one, or it f* "Vhovo attracted their attontion. f" TnftW I boliovo th.'/t my real oppon- « oU Jhanrofesnonal philanthropists who < t 7/tho doing of good to simior,. 1 g^good-inculoulablo good ; but my ,«tenotthoirs, and thoy porsecuto me. '%T/wrkhflVo >'ou bcon 011S (lE,r °l1 »> ■" 'laminating tho Truth; don't for unepellit with a largo 'T, rojoinod £«H*to» enthusiast, "1 was not as 1 and Puro n man ono no ad am I followed tho devil, and know his :I*'. well. Experience taught mo that *i >!° ms a largo class of tho wicked who nled a middle ground botween tho 3 doptaved and the morally uptight. f\' t^t this class was not roachod by t jehemeof regeneration yat devised by aid I set for myaolf the noblo task °.inealing to that particular social class, , jofwhich I had been myself in tho days iiit were pas'-" The Bait. .■ How Jid yo" K° abnut th' B work ?" mfier much deep consideration, I toned the following advertisement, which inierted la eevoral of tho Hash weekly awn that find their patronage among tho I'frWTION SINNKR3! —A BOOK that i .nrrwortlnK man should read; bottor than rtfiot tho kind ovor printed; 300 pages Tnotraßh: urico, 50 cents. Seijt. po-luri. Od, 1335, Qirard Avenue. I'This I felt certain, would attract notice,"'continued Mr Wood. "It fully juried my expectations Boforo tho end ,|i week I began to roceivo lottors at tho ate of five a day. Soon tho nutnbor in tteaied to eighty, then 100. I was do I'jhted. AH letters contained tho stipu lilid mm. Some of them also had tho jtunps for return postage. Correspondents la TeiM and the South forwardod larger ails, and wanted five, ten, and a dozen spies..lt was a bonanza in tho cause of Jd works. I sent an average of 100 looks a day for several months, I never lelt happier in my life."

The Book,

"But you have not explained what tho Jook uas. Nothing objectionable, it is to hhoped!" "So, indeed. I sont to all tho corroapon jjita who enclosed money a neat copy of the Set Testament. 1 bought those by the limited of the Bible Society, corner of Sitinthand Walnut-streets, and paid 84.75 whnndred copies." "What, less than 5 cents for a book that n>D sold to your patrons for half a dollar ? IJWt that outrageously dear?'1 "No, I think not," was tho calm rojoinor. "He books and postago on a hundred . tetanents cost me S3. I received !?50. Hit was oaly a net profit of !?42 on overy Isied books sent out. You have always bid that it costs $10 to got §1 to the bo iary! Yes. Well, you see it can be iacheaper. My advertising cost mo $12 inek, or say §2 a day—so that the contri klora to this fund for distributing tho New fetament only dispensed four times as ssch as the benefaction was worth to thorn ton'6you think it was a novel idea, this inducing the very cities that needs the tepel moat to pay for its dissemination ?" %in thetwo years that I Inboured in this nmysrdl planted ovor 17,000 messengers jlpeace. Thoy wore as brands to tho burn aj, I did no evil, that good might come ifly, my young Christian friond, 'I ranged 3,000 Testament a a month for mil time." Vindlotlvo Fish. "Yon spoke ol tho letters you received. Did tkey over express gratitu ie ?' the niter asked innocently. "Evidently you do not understand the liAedness of this world, young man I v glad for your sake that you do not KasSof tho lottery to mj from tho recipient* jftbbooksbrouthod cursings andravilings Iwold dislike to show you sorno of thorn Sllfearof shattering your faith in mankind. Ears are a bundle of the letters; you can kokoverthera at yoar leisure." Aglance at a dozen or morn showed that fey were nearly all in thosamo tono. Thoy Wgenerally on papor with lottor heads, all professions and trades. s«t«fw wore from young ladies'sominaries. ihsfroma Judge in Kansas was peculiarly iijufied, and causad even my misguided sopuion to smile. Here i 3 a copy of it TOtim: Ilhajbeenmy tnisfort '.no in the course nf my litjnwetaennd'munv dirty and uontvinptiblo Jfft I will do you t.ho ho: our losaj- that, ™ont exception, you ara tho dirtiest and osSKmtempttbluof all. Mo»wa3thonnmo, with full titlo. •unfa another characteristic letter from ißuffjlo gudgeon : IJr Dear Frtkno : I can get tho Revised ■wmmt hero for 25 oanti. , Hsre ia ono from Utica, under the lettor wloUdrngfirm : ImrTorrvalnahloboikcamo duly to hand i JiifPßotn« out to Chicago as a missionary, 'Wlbeofnaetomo from Singapore, Madras, Mexico, wot Johns, N P., showed the wido roach •Mfcscheme. The captain of a Savannah «fflar ordered three copies, a guest at the J%ette Hotel, in the city, got five for >-50"and never kicked." A lawyer, who '2W himself Solomons, threatens to pro *wthe good man if he over comes to mi York. ' Did you ever meet a victim after he had "landed with you ?" ,™i 1 heird from a man at Woon t. "* "o'; 'on6f aS°- Ho sent mo a 5° w, express charges -collect %\ 25.' >1 me paid the money, and when I S™« homo I opened the box to find it 'fu'eand. He was a most ungracious Sot." B«« the interview with thia romarkable woenof the crank species ended. A ' nf w the Bible Society, at Seventh and WU streets, verified Mr Wood's declara- Bi! t Purona3ed several hundred ™«there. The clerk, a neat Irishman, ■•pule a business air, told your corres ■ "Wnt that he remembered tha man. He ™% paid for the Testaments with j,J"; M»ny of the Btampa wore of large the clerk said. They were jjT[ PatiOecl at the work that they be tall etran Ber to be doing. It waR 'iijcii altwo °''ncr Bible repositories in ,"J that the same person had also mado fl 8 Pwohases there. Not a few of the in i^"tscame from Now York, in addi Soli t *ra(^e as een crushed, and the w; 60 bo«ght Testaments can now turn WB sawdust c-windle.

Mental Effect of Sulphuric Acid.

lvl mm Oi Trinidad. having obtained ,i^" 9 of_sulphuric ncid, applied some of ye (- 0 wart 3 j,. prochiced Sm 0"'I miri<l He at oncosaw the L.7, "I llle '8la"d, and said ho must Wrt KnKand. as it was of tho utmost C"« thit tho Queen should be in ik,. H a ° .7 9fon.«ationiii tho mind when»ul /S'^to'chedawart. The governor H','?? d »t °n^ acceded to tho gentlo ,' he came over to England, and hC T'y Piw.edod to Buckingham ijC; Aa ho. folt that he must prepare 2 T?* f"r an with "m'w 1 v'"s re(l hair- he "oatly "«ied Jlu , in whito K-irment^ anr! VAJ ,th 'ho magical bottle of sulphuric »W& at the front dor»- "oil of the "HiiUn 1* V'K? llr whinh hroiifht out Ihe %ft °p° != c with most nnofficriswiftness. "*»»» In 2 the Konflßmnn attired in Wed t1 a S"°''l' y SUIC tell fhis un '"c «„ '' sliriwin:r them at the same ?«A r°u°f H< fe"«/«'«. the bottle "a«C/7 , Aa tha Poor follow has tOtlW« :"' M' efl by a m«tfistr-ite to tho ■V»ut ,o ' ' WOIIM Re nneeemly to jest % ,, Y a. ye a ln(ltt«. A littlo riff 1 !l >ne Lli1 aild sweftt bells y:-.<Aed out >«i3n,p p!h> ever make ™»flnes 3 a '**ii«n"^ 8 yjt nevor liud before The Q.,-^ ge uf comedy as in the story of "** Add*" 6 Wartl and tho Bottle of

CAUGHT AT LAST.

"V TUP. RKV. 11. n . , UWEE) M>A

"Ir'tho young man who wa 3 soon to pick up a orococlilo-skin purse, which did not belong to him, and run away, will return the same, .to.,'1 why all will be forgiven and forgotten, and he will bo handsomely rewarded to boot. Of course I but will the young man trust the confiding advertiser* By this time ho little car* whether the notes in that puwo have been stopped }° is nut stopped and ha has passed he notes -someone else will have to be .topped but notes run as notos for months before they roach the Bank, and some innocent creature six month, hence, appearing tho bank, who knows no more of tho vouni? man with tho crocodile puree than tVe man Docket ZT , W1" fi, nd himßolf £5 °ut °f pocket suddenly -votla tout > I find in tho pathetic news column do votedto such painful incidents an equally ftxnguino person advertising for a nicolv mounted umbrella with tho motto. " Suuni oiiq.iopulchrum." Kveryboilyeeea charms in what belongs to him. Unhappily eomo pooplo see charms in what does not belon" to thorn, and honco theso expensive ueonv column tours over crocodile purees, mil brol m, and colley dogs-fit to melt tho heart of a stone if it had ono. No*. I havo had mm,, experience of robbers, high and low, and I havo como to tho conclusion that, even if you know tho thief, your chances of getting back your property, whatever it may bo, are infinitely small, either because you don't c.ire to etch the thief (for various .obsom), or can! not citch him, or-having caught hitn ctinnofc got him to assist you in recovering your property. I once had p clock taken oil ray mnntolpioco. It wan a rainy Novem bor day, about livo in tho nftornoon I wont out and brushed past a tall ugly follow who appeared to bo standing up lor sholter on my doorstop. Othors had gono out that afternoon. Tho cook heard some ono como in and go into tho dining - room, called out, and got no answer ; only tho noxt ruinuto tho hall door was banged. Sho thought I had come in with my latch key (ono of those precious Chubb's in which wo all confide) and gono out again. I did como in; half an-hour afterwards ; but then my clock was gone out. It never camo in again ; it wont out with the tall ugly fellow " Police !" Entor Dotectivo A B C He takes out a pocket-book, and I feel like the prisoner at tho bar. He asks me if 1 knew tho thief; if 1 had aeon him take tho clock ;if I had noticed any ono in the stroot with a clock undor his arm liko mine — risum teneatls, amtel, I did •milo faintly. Boforo wo part ho gives mo soino information. It throws a now light up«n police penetration and sagacity. "A tall man, sir? Yos, sir; we call Inn, tho major ; he goes with a short man, wo call him tho captain. Tho captain takes tho things from tho tall man, who gets in with patent latch koye, aud 'urrios oft. That's tho way, sir, that's how it's dono ;wo know 'em both well; and tho policeman on beat told mo yesterday he'd noticed the major vory partial to your door in wot weather; he's bin trying it for weeks I" And wo pay taxes for police pro tection-

I'm /i-frnid my tompor nave way. Tho detective seemod quite pleased to bo able to give mo bo much information. Wo Darted more in sorrow than in anger, the first impulse to kick him out of tho house having subsided. I declined to answer any furthor questions. I folt that, wooden as might be his head, hie brafn was softening, and I pitied him. That man came back once a week for a mouth to tell mv I hut 1 should nevor soo my clock or the major or tlie captain any moro. I was much cut up, so was he; he spoke of those two officers with something like afi'ec tiouiito interest, and scorned to miss them. But a thief out of tho house is onn thing ; a thief in the house is another. Tho police may not protect us as much as wo could wish, but wo do not do as much as wo might to protoctourselves. Servants, govornosso*, and help* of all sorts get tho run of our house-, with slight reference?, ami soiuo times with hardly any. In tho hurry of town life -often in the middle of the pennon —pcoplo aro too confiding, and veooive into their heme-i persons without, in many case?, re-illy knowing anything! about them. Your registry office, for inetunco, is a delusion and a i-naro. Hero is a striking case in point. 1 went tho other day to perhaps the most highly rc< poctablo office of tho kind in London. 1 got a French lady governess on a holiday engagement. I was told I ought not to tike up her refofonccM for nn engagement of that kind; that the oifico guaranteed her, and tint I might know tho ollico knew- sho h.i'i been at euch and i-uch school or family, and so on, an 1 I was satisfied. I was more than satisfied with the ludy, who turned out to bo agreeable, quit.! u[> to her work, diligent, obliging, and snjii n groat favourite wi h Iho chil dren.

Ono night, as her engagement was draw ing (o a clow, and I was thinking how further to secures Hi) admin'blo a parson for my own establishment, 1 went out mist of us wont out. Whon I returned, about half past eleven, I found that Mdllo. Sabino Cordior had ulso gone out. Wo sat up all night for her shec.imo not back—she never did como back. Tbo next morn, when we v/ero auing to have tho Serpentine dragged, the parks%eaehed, tho hospitals visited, and ndvortisoinents put into the agony coluiiin-, sorao one a-ked for tho cash bix. It then ap.n red that the ca-hbox mii-r. also have gone out with Sabino Cur.liar, and neithur has since rc turuod. We thought it unuoeessary to drno tho Serpantine. The dL-covory that ,-ouvj jewellery was also mi-.-ing further ;■> assured us, and tho evening's post brought v latter in Mademoiselle's own elegant handwriting, with no mossasra, but enclos in<' a fow crossod cheque?, which she could noi pa-*. Tho detectives of course came with then polite inquiries ns usual. Had we soon her go out with the caih box? could we monMon any house whore she would probably bo found? could wo write to any of her friends to stop her? Bah! Tut up your pocket book, my goo 1 man. It wai tho old story -so I thought, at least. They could do nothing, and knew they could do nothing ; they had no more idea of how to proceed than I had not so much, for if it had been my business, and worth my wliilo, 1 would, so I argued in my simplicity, with the clue I placed in tho hands of tho police have found Mademoiselle twice over, although T might never havo got my money back. I discavcred aftornards that a person actually bmring hor nauio >vas known in London, and known, too, at somo governess agencies -she was in league with tome man to swindle tho public. She simply made her livinc by obtaining holiday engage monts and robbing tho conliding peoples who took her in, and I havo no doubt always treated hor kindly. She was an agreeable woman, and know hor bußino.-s. Mademoiselle is still at large I had written thus much, when 1 happened to take up a Sussex paper- Mademoiaello is oaught! caught at Fast bourne. This is how Madomoisolle fared after ho decamped with my cashbox bho got another engagement under another name at a girls' school in Eastbourne. The Prince went down to Eastbourno on a certain occasion. The young ladies all turned out to soo him. Mademoisellei re commended them to leave all their jewellery and watches at homo because of tho crowd, who might steal them, ftho was the crowd. On sooe pretext she left tho girls in the street, hurried homo, and made a clean sweep of watches, chains, rings, fto., to the tune of £60, and decamped to London. She hud for some months been " wanted " there. The head of the detective force among others " wanted' her. 1 nau raqno.it.Kl him to take mea-ures-ho, had akon fchem-and accordingly Mademoiselle was captured one night in Piinhco, and placed in durance vilo, to await her trial at tPI c Lowe, amizo* Mdlle. Cord.er or Do Pleute, and alias I know not what else, was n 0 common antagonist, but her time came at last, and she was beaten in the penloua famoof hUe and seek. She a loped.an " uliaf/'batshecould notc.-mpa^an' alibi. I felt retry for poor human ™ta™-*°™V° r n Udllo OordiorV She could lnvoa«br"ed to iio honest, but ,«ho profem-d to run the risk ,'f crime, and she reaped tho reward of hor She found sin a hard ta«k master and a traitor as nil, for hhe nas " caught at last.

A THOUGHTFUL REPORTER.

Ho Writos Up His Own Death for the

Newspaper.

Qr/INCY (11!.), October.'!.— An extraordinary suicide took place at tho Fay Houko, a private bouv.Hng-houso next to the now Government building in this city, on Thursday, the victim being M. Wood, a young man aged 21 years, of steady, sober habits, who was formerly a city reporter on tho " Herald" and later on the "Journal." Wood's dead body wan found in his room about 10 o'clock, sitting in a chair. Before him on a marble-slab table a lamp was still burning, and a revolver lay on the floor by his side. There was a bullot hole through his hoad. Nineteen pages of manuscript covored with blood wore on the table. The following ig the most important of the documents :

Brother roportorc-, when you come to sift this matter and sum it up your articlos will bo about as follows : Shortly after supper last evening tho report of a pistol washeard to issuo from a room at, the Fay House, near Eighth and Hampshire streets. Those who heard tho noUo thought littlo of it at first, but an investigation roveakrl tho fact that M. M. Wood, a boarder at the abovo-named house, had poized a revolver and deliberately shot himself through tho brain, tho ball entering near tho right tomplo and toaring away a largo portion of tho skull [pre sumed]. Tho pistol was a livo-chambered 32 calibre, and wns hold so cloto to the horul that tho faco was much burned. The cauio for tho rash act is not woll under stood, but it is supposed to bo temporary iu.'anity. Tho Dorpetratoi' of such a deed is never supposed to bo in hia right mind, and, although Mr Wood never gave any evidence to tho contrary, this must have boon tho cnuso, cither directly or indirectly. Tho mystery surrounding the case, hoivover, is all tho greater when it is known that up to tho vory last act of his life Mr Wood never gave tho first intimation of suicide, or oven tho tirst ovido'ico of having a diseased mind. Ho spont yosterday with various frionds about tho city, chatting, laughing and joking as usual. Ho spent a portion of tho afternoon with his friond George Stahl. They left tho Fay Houte together at noon and drovo in a roundabout way to Mr Stahl's placo of businoss, on Third street. After putting up tho borso theyj visited tho Dime Museum. Thoy then separated, Mr Stahl going to his store and Mr Wood *;o his boarding-houso, whore ho spont tho rest of tho afternoon sleeping in his room. On Tuesday night Mr Wood stayed with his friend Bort Woollurd at tho Tromont House. Thoy attended tho concert together at tho opera-house, and upon going to Mr Wood's room, spent an hour or so in playing cards, but never during all this timodid Mr Wood give tho slightest ovi donee of being a "littlo oft'," as tho boys say.

Tho suicido thon goes into a long history of hi* life, saying that his troubles woro not apparent, that ho, though young, had buon much troubled. Tho document closes as follows :

Koador : It requires nerve to take ono's life, and it is not a weakness in mo to say that as I write thoso lines I am trembling liko an aspon loaf. Beforo mo on this marblo slab lies a doath-dealing revolvor, charged and cocked, and as I look at it my heart almost loaps into my mouth. It is a fear ful thing to tako one's life, and I can Dot see how bo many have tho hoart to do it. But hero goes. The jury, aftor hearing tho extraordinary document read, rendered a Tordict in accor dance with tho facts

Arctic Exploration.

Nkw York, October 21,— A report that Lieutenant Schwatka ami Kngincer Mel ville, despito their terrible exporionces in tho arctic regions, wore about to nndcrlnko

another polar expedition, has been widely circulated throughout tho country and ex tensively commented upon lately. Tho ex pedition, it was stated, was to bo muilo jointly, nnd their purposo wa- to discover tho north polo. Tho plan to bo followed was to go as far north in a vessel as prac ticable, und then dopmd entirely upon tho natives with their sleighs and digs fur the accomplishment of tho remainder of their juurnoy. Lientoimnt Snhwatiui waa in tho nity to day. and suid regarding tho report : " In the main it i ■ not tiue. ! have no idea of going to wnruh fur the North Polo, nr of piking an othor expedition tv tho arctic; regions at present, ar within a year, as I set, tho report iiua it, nor have 1 anything of llic kind in contemplation." " Has Engineer Moh illo any such idea?" w-iia nnked. " I helicvo ho hfl«. Ho has lately boon tryii.g to get up an expedition, [understand, with tho object of discovering tho North l'olo, but 1 doubt about his -taiting. for ho asks for from 8100,000 10§150,000, 1 bolicTo, from his patrons, and I think that is too largo a sum to bo raised for such a purpo=o, and an appropriation for seeking the I'ole is a good deal like making an appropriation for fireworks. Besides, there run bo no maiertnl gain in discovering the North l'olo unless you can finri tho South Polo as well, ami our shipi have boon nowhere as near the lattor as tho former."

" What aro Engineer Moivillo's plans ?" " Ilis object is purely j.olo-keeping, and to get nearor the polo tii-n any oiio owe has bo«n. It is quite natural that aftor having buen a subordinate ollicer in on& expedition thai, failed, ho should want to bo tho coni man'ier of ono expected to bo successful. His idea is to proceed to Franz .losof's land by ve-sol, and boyonil that point by moans of sleighs. I also think that is tho bost wny, and indeed whatever in the future is done thoro in the way of such expeditions will, I believe, be done by sleighs." " What about tho other proposed expedi tions ?" " Ono of much importanco is for eovoral ethnologists to tako a party tho whblo length of tho land occupied by Exquimaux, and live with them for eevoral yoara, study ing their ways of life, etc. Thoy nro one of tho most interesting of races. I under stand that Germany will Bond four oxpo ditions to tho Arctic rogions this year and Russia three. But nono of thorn have eithor of tho objocts in view that I have spoken of,, beiner rathor to obtain general geographical nnd scientific know lodge."

American Drinks.

Mk Jos»PH Flkisiimas, of New York, has published a book throwing eomo insight into tho liquor traffic of tho United Statoa, Tho wonder is, not that tho Amoricans sulVor from bad digestion, but that tho process of digestion doos notontiroly ceaso. Tho basis of spirituous liquors is "spirit." It is mado of pruno juice, Now England rum, and " beading oil." This lattor is a compound of sulphuric acid, oil of swoet almonds, and ammonia. It destroys all tho tissues it touches whon swallowed in eoncontrated form; when greatly diluted it injures tho tooth and oxhausts the digestivo powers. To mako Bourbon whisky, Bourbon oil ismixedwith " spirit." The oil is distilled from a compound of fusel oil, aeotato of potash, sulphuric acid, fiulphato of copper, oxalato of ammonium, and black oxido of manganese. Sulphato of copper ia a doidly poison : oxalic acid kills in a few minutes; and fusol oil produces nervous disorders. Brandy is mado from "spirit" and "cngnac oil;" this lattor is distilled from oil of coooanuts, sulphuric acid, and alcohol. "Scotch" whisky is m'ldo of "spirit" and oil of biroh ; Hollands pin of ••spirit" and oil of juniper berry. Muriatic tinid ia used in making claret; and oil of bitter almonds, which is hardly inferior to diluted hydrocyanic acid in iti poisoning power, in making maraschino.

The Test of Sobriety.

" When-in a man drur.k ?" win the knotty question put to ft police-constablo at the VVhltehaven Police Court by a disciplo of Bacchus, who was charged with having ever ."topped the lino of moderation. "When ho is s'afrtreiing about tho btrpet and can scarcely walk," was tho dofiniri«u K iven by the constable. This is probably as good a reply as a-iyono could expect from a police-constable, but it is not a suffi cient answer, nor was either the definition of the questioner himself, who considered that a man was not drunk until ho at tempted to light his pipe at the pump Them has always been, and always will bo, a divergence) of opinion on the question. A l.ondonstipendiaryrecentlygave the definition of drniikennews an that of a man who eaid or did a foolish thing which he would not have done had he been sober. That is no doubt, an excelloc.t definition. But probably tho heft mea"s> cf testing the sobriety of any indivdual i^ ro set him the tack of repeating the wellknown lines : — \ tr:ilv rural nhnroh nntl ft truly rnral s'eorl.-, A truly ; ural pirs.-in auil a imlj iura! roople. If the subject oin distinctly enunciate this "famous speech test," as it kas been termed, few persons will have the audacity to question his sobriety.

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.

A Boy Summons His Master.

Amoxu tho cases that have recently oc cupied tho attontion of our police courts were several in which small boys at school, or their parents for thorn, summoned their masters for striking them. The idea of an urchin " taking the law " against hia pre ceptor for boxing his ears is sufficiently amusing to an older generation who re member how their ears were at the disposal, not o.ily of head masters, but of every usher. All that, however, is changed, and the schoolboy has nowadays hi.-) "rights" and his protective Acts like any other animal. Thero are, it is true, still ex isting those who aro in favour ot corporal punishment judiciously administorcd ; and uuong tho number would appear to bo llr B.ilguy, tho esteemed magistrate at tho Lambeth i'olice Court. A teacher was brought up beforo him who had struck a boy on the hoad with a flat map pointer. Ho had moant to "glvo him ono on tho arm," but tho boy dodged, as puch will do, and tjot one on tho head instead. This shows in a general way the vanity of dodging futo, but in the present case id tuggo.its that teachers who have got flat map-pointers in their hands fhould be very doxter^u* in the application of them, or thoy m^^j^ themselves in tho dock charged wuTT'Eiaule. Mr Baiguy, com monting on tn u caso before lining the dofendant ton shillings, made remarks to tho following effect : ''I beliove," ho sail?, "that boys require corporal punishment sometimes, and [ think it is moro kind and humane to indict it than to lock thorn up in tho schoolroom to do lessons while tho others aro out playing. Ti-.o host punish mont for a troublesome bay is ono that ho can feel, but I do not think any one but tho hoad-mastor should enjoy tho privilege of caning. It is dangerous to striko a boy on the head ; it is bettor," said Mr Bulguy, "to striko him nn a part of tho bo'ly which an eminent .ludgo had Baid wa* made for the express purpose." Thoro is a subtlety about this philosophy into which wo do nor, wish to follow tho worthy magistrate; but, while wo agreo with him that it is dangerous to striko a littlo bjy on tho hflcict, wo resorve our opinion as to tho desirability of striking him anywhoro olso A juvenile negro, for instance, -7ould prefer being struck on tho head a dozen times then onco on tho shins ; a small Hindoo would probably bo killed outright it struck " on a pirt of the body which an eminent Judge had taid was maio for tho express purpose." The proper locality f.r iifsiuilt of tho person depends entirely upon national physiology, and, considering that our own youth have got neither tho prodigious thick skulls of tho children of Ham nor tho futul prevalence to spleen of tho Ai-iatic, it may bo us Mr Baiguy said.—" Daily Tologniph.''

A Canal Journey in Holland.

Wi: started one afternoon from tho Dolft (}ato on a ttoomboot uuvvoithy of the name. It was a sort of bargo, with cabins foro and aft, and engino and emokostack amidships. Tho craft was painted green, with white stripes. Tho roofs of tho cabins were asphalted, and on tho roof of the foro cabin wero placed folding x chairs ; while on tho roof of tho aft or second class cabin wore placed queer, stubby little benches about six inches high. Wo wondered why tho Dutchman likod to sit to low, but, being strangers, wo mitdo no remarks, Tho etart was unoventful. Wo took ion board throo pigg muchsigainstthoirwills -anice-cream machine with its roof and fixings, several hampors and baskets of fruit, a young Parisian married couple, (ioorgos and Thereso, and some odd native pnf-songers. By means of poles and stionuous efforts the boat's head was got round, and we steamed ahead Kemark that durii . iho difficult operation of taking tho pigs un board and turning tho boat scarcely a word was spoken ; U'O sky wus gray ; tho water ot the canal was still as an oil tank ; tho trim quility was only disturbed by an old man who was scooping water out of tho canal with a long shovel, and flinging it over the quny to lay tho (!usi, rignidlOM of the convenience of tho pnsf-urs by, some of whom mildly protested. Boon after starting ho met H bargo with n large family u;i b.mrd, towed nloug by the eldest brothei, tho eldest sister, and mi ugly b.i tard bulldog, humored together ono in front of tl.o other, tho dug loading. 'I hen wo sighted a bridge, apparently only about six fool above tho water. Wo neaicd the biidgo, but tho bridge neither swung round nor ivfc in the air. How wero wo to pass under it ? Tho situation became alarming tho nearer wo approached, liuorgea and Thereco grew pule, but tha stoomhnut pontinuod its course. Then, with v rattlo of cl)alns, the funnel was lowered, and to save our lives wo tomists on the cabin roof lay flat, nn our stomachs, much to the amusement of tho nativo pas sengcrs who had prudently romnincil oniho dock below. Tho passage of this first bridge taught us tho way down tho laddir, and explained tho lowness of tho benches. [ cannot holp again remarking tho curious silence nnd tranquillity of this trip. There was no exchange of greetings between the crows of tho barges ; the men on our boat did not talk ; tho cattle in tho meadows did not low; thero wore no birds twittering and Hying about, nothing winged visible but, ducks one) occasionally a sea gull, and even tho ducks wore Hilont, and cleared out of tho way of the approaching stoamer with out uttering a single coiiac. Naturally we could not help being struck by this phonntnennl calmness and stillness of the Dutch people, and of Dutch landscape. Wherever wo went afterwards wo made tho same observation. Tho wholo country seemed asleep, like tho waters of tho canal, and you travel as it wero in a dream. Tho canal boat is tho real vehicle fr.im which to eco Holland, and you will got a true and moro omplot© impression of the country of dykes, polders, canals, and windmills, from an afternoon's journey on a trcMiuit or a stoomboot than from days of travelling from town to town in a railway car. —"Cornhill Magazino."

What the Red Prince Drank.

1 ah afraid tho journals haro boon over rating Prince Frodoriek Charles as a groat captain. On tho principle of rendering juitico to tho living and truth to the dead, I shall try and judgo him according to my light. I saw him twico—onco at Baden, before tho war, and uftorward at Montone, where ho had beoi engaged in topo graphical work for Moltko. Ho was in cognito at both places, and dined at the üble-d'hoto. I never saw a faco so incap ,:blo of brightening up ; ho i-oemod to me, too. to bo slow of apprehension, which may t Kino extent explain the irascibility of his Iciupor. Thnro ia nothing so voxos a can- Utdvcroua man as to find that ho cannot at onco understand what is patent at a glaneo to thoso around him. He had a great mass of brain, but a groat deal of it must have been formed of cellular tissue. Though a doulilo fir-<t con=in of tho Crown Prince, ho »u9 very unlike him. Aftor tho war lie ho -jimo a man mountain formed of bloated OWi, Ho was in Iho habit of soaking a L'lvat deal of alcoholic drink, and mixed his liquors terribly. The owner of Frrscati, whern ho negotiated with Bnziiine for the ~!.i -hri-i. of !'.!ot>'., gave mo a list of his b uic dinner, hisdinucr.and his after dinner drinks. Champagne, beer, Chartreuse, Fithiiiippo, Bordeaux, Ituraundy, Moselle, ■ ii'lo'ifl oworoinibibocJftiidreimbibed. Tho\

:„.,.'.. dno bs.-clnmnliii-i j.ility. Tho " Heel l'riii>.o,'' m t'lo juurnalN c:>ll him, bocame ruljiomid. He was very onKOciabla in hin cups, and it nnidt luive bven a relief to his wild whenever ho was sont from homo on milit iry duty, vva-ian amiable woman, and in youth vtry lignt hoirted. Her sis'er tho (J:ai.d buchess Constautine, was considered 0110 of the most beautiful women in (iermany, and the Princess Frederick Uharloe was not wanting in good looks, When she ft 0* "" nor 0 dnuijlitora mar ried she revolted n^ainst her husband's tyranny. The Emperor of Germany, with V.i nn.iustorr.od equity, took her part. But .< lie thought adivorco court scuutlal would be bad for the interests of his family, ho recommended her not to repudiate her hufb.ind fo:iually, but to return from Saxe- Altenburg. whither sho had goi o, and place her-elf " vder- His Majesty's protection. Prince 1 lerick Charles was advised to absent hiiu. elf from Gortnany. He wont to sco ihe theatre of tho Duke of Connaught's military achievements and to make a tour in tho Holy f and The dry, hot climate, with his habits, disordered his liver and hastened tho progress of fatty degenera tion. The depleting baths of Marienbad were triod to keep down obeeity. He was so weakened by them that lib brain artoriea could not bear the cerebral confjoetion to which he was subject.—" London Truth."

A man never begins to find out how little he knows about domestic matters until his wife asks him to keep hia eye upon the baby find « c that a p m of melted butter U kept stirred, while Bho {joes into the attic to look through her rag bag,

Volapuck.

Volavhciv ? Volapiick ! What is it? Whit does it mean? ]t might be tho magic password of a professor of tho black art, tho thief's sosnmo, or tho Allah-il-Allah of some .savage tribo beyond tho borders of civilisation. Some twelve months ugo the mysterious word was now and then heard in certain learned circles here, and then it appeared in some newspaper paragraph (tho spoiling of the word being still some what undecided), and then for a time noth ing more was heard of it. Now it forces its way once m' re in the world, not timidly ns beforo, but with the obstinacy and courage of solf-conscious merit, and from the house tops it cries: "I am Volapiick, the universal language Make mo your own, and you will return to tho blissful times boforo tho Babylo: i;m confusion." It is discussed in tho pross of the whole world— seriously in some, contemptuously in most cases. " Minorva Volapuck," cays a Russian contemporary, "has sprung from tho brains of Jupitor-Schleyer, fully armed to go out and conquer tho world."

' Herr Schloyer, of Conetanco, the inventor of this universal language, has, after twenty yoorrt' hard work, at last completed his task. There ure at present 163 certificated profes sors of Vohipiiak ready to instruct tho world in the now science. One of them, M. Augusta Kertckoffs, professor of literature, has boon touching for the last three months at the Eeolo dca Huutes Etudes Commerciales at Paris, and fifty-two socioties in Germany, Austria, Alsace, Holland, Sweden, England and tile United States aro propagating the saiuu caueo. So great is tho zeal and enthusiasm of M. Schloyer's disciples that at a recent congress of 300 members of tho different societies, which was held at Friodrichehaten, a successor to M. ScUloyci1 was ohos?n to take his place in case ho should prematurely dio. On tho samo occasion it was decided to found an acadomy which will bo charged with tho regulations of all Volapiiek dillicul ties. And those dilliculties,notwithstanding til- ■ -'hn that Volopiick is tho simplest of i:iy|oß,.are by no means stual). \\ . . oiling on uny other difficulties which accompany tho acquisition of any language, bo it never so simplo, lot it bo B'jpponed that each nation wore to pronouneo Voliipuek according to tho pronunciation of its own language. Would not this result in anotiior Babylonian confusion ? But tho details about theconstruotion of tho Volapiiek tonguo liavo not yot boon given to the world at largo. Meanwhile, dictionaries, not only for all European nations, but for tho use of Chinese and 1 lottontofs, aro being published, and tho two Volapii' k reviews are enjoying much popularity among tho initated Continued disciples have boen hoard to explain that it is chieily in order to facili tate tho commercial rolations between different nations thut Volapiiek has boen invented. With regard to this we quote the opinion of a contemporary on thi< sido of tho question; "Tho question of ex change may bo summarised by tho follow ing primitive idoa : Miivo me a good deal of what you possess, nnd I will givo you v littlo of what I p>.»soss,' with this corollary understood, ' Whether you liko it or not, I am the strongor, and I shall got something out of you.' It is thoroforo unnecoesmy to employ Volapiiek to put this idea into people's head?." But given that this law of commerce is not adhered to in thoKOiio rality of cases, -there is still a far easier niotP of procedure current among tho traders in tho East, by which business transactions arc settled without {hu utterance even ot a singjo word. Buyer and Foller take each other by tho hand in order to keep their arrangements quite privato ; tho hands aro covered with a cloth or veil. Then, by pressing tho bond or part of iti, tho intonding purchaser makes his ofl'or, and receives hU answer in a similar way. Each sign has its special moaning, the interpretation being as follows :—lf tho whole first finger is taken hold of, the numbers 1, 10, or 100 lire understood (Tho number which is meant is rarely misunderstood, as business mon aro always acquainted «ith tho approxi mate vnluo of an article) If tho fir->t and second fingers aro taken bold of together, tho interpretation is y, vo, and 200 ; for throo fingers it is :), :iO, and 300; for four, 4, 40 and 400 ; and for tho whole hand, 5, 50, nnd .100. If the littlo linger only is taken, U, CO, 600 i J mount; thu thin! nlono 7, 70, and 7,000; the

*< coml S, SO, and S00; tho first linger Likcu hold of alone and bent over dignities !), flO, and 000, and if tho thumb is i;iiii>l«il 1.000 is moant. If the purchagor touches with his thumb the middle joint of tho seller tho sign signifies \ ; if a lino in drawn with the thumb from the middle joint of tho forefinger to tho knuckle it in i !+ ; a lino drawn from tho knuck'.o to ward" tho or.il of tho fingeris - ){. A touch of tho whole mil of tho forefinger is+'s, and if only t'no point of the nail is touched it is understood to mean -,!<i. Thoto fow simple cigiiM, which of Ciiurno admit of a great number of different combinations, comprise tlio wholo of 'he Ori ntnl mercan tile language, and armour to completely satisfy tho traders. It would, therefore tor the present, bo unadvisablo to proposo a change in thtwo regions.

Serious Charges Against a Consul at Fiji.

Nkw Yoiik, October 17th. The "Sun's 11

special from Washington cays : About a year ago President Arthur appointod E. Btlford Commercial Agonfc of tho United Stotcn nt Lovuku, Fiji Wands. Bulford is a brother ot Congrwrnimn James Belford of Colorado, and tho latter gcutlomnn had grout difficulty in netting iiis unruly brothor to start for Fiji. Finally, after repeated at tempts, tho new Consul wns chipped on bo.ird a stoumor, and tho Congressman con gratulated himeoif. Consul Helford hnd been at his po.it it few months only when 10ports began to srrivo of his quoer financial opera tions. Tbeso reports were co scandalous that tho State liopartment somo time aco re'noved BtlforJ and appointed his deputy to the place. A private letter received from Fiji by a gontlonmn in this city today givea eomo in teresting details of Bedford's oporutiona on tho island. Tho writor nays that Bolford nb'conded by tho schooner Saucy Laps to Samoi on August 14th, leaving many mourning oroditora. The Union Bank of Australia is a honvy croditor, having cashed drafts drawn by Bolford on tho Department of State, m well as upon his own relatives. It soems, also, that ho attempted to oust tho accredited Deputy Cmmnoreinl Agent and appoint in his stead n mini named Browor.

Since Bolford's dopiirturo from Fiji a draft for 500dols. upon hid fathor, ondoived by Brower, has boon protested, and Browor finds himself compolled to pay it. Bolford left dobts innumerable, which amount to thousands of dollars in tho nggrogato. Besides, ho is roported to have sold goods consigned to him and to havo ?ptmt the monoy for his own benofit. Ono instance of this kind is cited which affects ,i Balti more firm, who shipped fishing nets to him, which woro sold for L'GO sterling. The monoy is gone, and tho Baltimore concern is co much out of pocket. The effect of Bolford's course promisos to bo disastrous to luturo United States Consuls at Pacific stations, as tho banks will no longer cash drafts, and in consequence months must pass bofore they can rocoivo returns from the State Departmont.

A "Kissy-Kissy" Traveller.

Kissing tho chambonnaid is rather an old-fashioned pastime with commercial travellers. As a sailor ii said to have a sweethourt or a wifo in overy port, so most of the fraternity of bagmen boast of a con quest in every town thoy visit, ftow and then thoy catch a Tartar, and such was the oxperionco of Mr Jumoa Johnson last Satur day. Engaging a bed at an hotel, ho said good-night to tho chambermaid who showed him to his room, but, not content with this cold complimont, ho bestowed a kiss upon her unwilling lips. She went downstairs und tokl hor master, whereupon the landlord ascended to tho kieeor'? room and advi-cd him to give tho girl five shillings and thank his stars that ho had got out of the dilemma so easily. But the k'ssee waa notto lie appeared in tbiseaay manner,sn the traveller W'lis given into custody and in dua time appearod before a magistrate !\ftor animadverting upon the conduct of the innkeoner in assessing the value of a Ui<a, tho magistrate oidered tho prisoner to enter into hia own vecognisanco fo keep tbe peace for three month?, and advised not to ki^H the chambermaid again. Thus the iim(*) domeanant got his kis?, wliilo he eavixl his five shillings, and though ho miy kee[) tho peace towards his particular dnmeol, it is very doubtiul whother tho amorouH bagman will feel himself com polled to fi'o so in the case of others of the ei-torhuod. On auotheroccasion, perhaps, his essonce oftwo lipsiuay bebetterappreciated, for there are chambermaids and chamber maids,

John Oxenham's Voyage.

Joiiy Oxeniiam, who had served with Drake in the varied capacities of soldier, sailor, and cook, was very much in the htter;s confidence. Drako had particularly spoken of his desire to explore tho Pacific, and Oxenhain, in reply, had protested that "he would follow him by God's grace." The latter, who "had gotten among the seamen the name of captain for his valour, and had privily scraped together a good store of money," becoming impatient, de termined to attempt the enterprise his late master had projected. Ho reached the isthmus to find that the mule trains eon voyingthe silver were now protected by a convoy of soldiers, and he determined on a bold and noble adventure. "He drew his Bhip aground in a retired and woody creek, covered it up with boughs, buried his pro visions and his groat guns, and taking with him two small pieces of ordnance, went with all his mon and six Maroon guides about twelve leagues into tho interior, to a river which discharges itself into the South Sea. Thcro ho cut wood and built a pinnace, 1 which was five und forty feet by the keel ;' embarked in it, and secured for himself the honour of having been tho first Englishman to sail over tho waters of the blue Pacific. In this pinnace ho went to the Pearllslands, and lay in waitfor vessels. He was success ful in capturing a small bark, bringing gold from Quito, aud scarcely a week lator, another with silver from Lima. Ho atao ob tained a few pearls on the Islands. So far, fortune had followed Oxenham, and to his own want of caution is due the fact that this prosperous state of af fairs was soon reversed. Ho had dismissed his prizes when near the mouth of the riv«r, and had allowed them to perceive whore ho was entering. The alarm was soon given ; first, indeed, by some negroes who hastened to Panama. .Taun Do Ortega was immediately despatched with 100 men, besides negro rowers in four barks. After entering tho rivor, a four days' soarch re warded him by the discovery of the pinnace with six Englishmen on board, who leaped a?horo and ran for doar lifo ; ono only was killed at this juncture. Ortega discovered in tho woods the hut in which Oxenham hid concealed the treasure, and removed it to his barks. Meantime, Oxenham, whose men had been disputing over tho divi sion of spoils', had boon to a distance for the purposo of inducing some of tho Maroon nogroos to act as carriers, and returning with them met the men who had escaped from the pinnace, and those who were fleeing from tho hut. " The loss of their booty at onco comploted their reconcile ment ; he promisod larger shares if they should succeed in recapturing it; and marched resolutely in quost of the Spaniards, relying upon tho Maroons as woll us upon his own people." But Ortega and liis men were experienced in bush fighting, and they succeeded in killing olovon Englishmen and five negroes, and took sovon of Oxonham's party prieoners. Ho, with tho remnant of his party, went back to search for tho hidden ship; it had boen removed by tho Spaniards, And now the luttor sent ono hundred and fifty men to hunt the Englishmen out, while those whom thoy failed to take wore dolivored up by the natives. Oxenhain and two of his officers wore doliverod up by tho natives. Oxenham and two of his officers wore taken to Limn and executed ; tho remainder suffered death at Panama.—From " The Sea : Its Stirring Story of Adventuro, Peril, and Heroism."

Drinking in India.

Turku is a clergyman in India, the Rev, Mr Oi'tgflon, who for muny years past has biou devoting himself to tho onorouß but happily not impossible task of weaning the british soldier in that country from intoxi cating liquors. Mr (Iregson's efforts did not begin too soon. Atone time, especially after the mutiny, when tnonoy was plentiful, India was the paradiso of the thirsty soul. Tho warrior taking his rest aftor that millions campaign was altogether of Tago's opinion- " life's but a span—A soldier's a niHii Thou let a soldier drink." But, un furtuuatuly, ho drank a. great doal more than was good for him. Thero were many in tlin ranks who had as poor heads for drinking as Michael Cassio, and who came to grief iv consequence. Those wove the days when the youngest recruit was ex pected by a patornal Government to swallow off a gill of rum and waterat 1 p.m. daily, no matter tho ntnto of the weather or his stomuch. Tho former might bo putting the Ihiiiiiometer to HOdeg. in the shade, but n law us inexorablens thalcf tho Mtdos and Persians compelled all who wore in camp or barracks to go to tho canteen and con-tuno rum at ono p.m., or go without it altogether. Accordingly tho majority wont, and rum playod havoc with diaclipino and health iiraonjist the boy rocruits who had only lately arrived from England. Amongst these, however, tho temperance reformers found good material to work upon. Their difficulty waa with tho old heroes. Those had long como to tho conclusion thatcanteen rum was far too weak a potation for onjoy mcut in hot weather, so they invented a drink of their own composed of formented " toddy " (the juice of the date tree), into which was put salt, bazaar araack, and pounded capsicums and red chillies. This taken fasting before parade was supposed to norve a British warrior to any exortioa which his country might call upon him to perform, It went by tho appropriate name of " lixed bayonets," on account of its giving a sensation in the throat as if bayonets wore going down it. The recipa fur this decoction has, it is to bo hoped, been lust, for its inventor and his followers mu*t long ago havo mado their last charge Mr Gregson s work will bo easier, and the hospitals and colls loss full than they ÜBed to bo in the days of "John Company Bahadur."

The Tastes of Children.

The ways of children aro beginning to be studied from a scientific standpoint, and we c'oubt not that tho observations .will bo equally as fruitful as tho?o in which adults aro tho objects of scrutiny. An American lady, Miss Sara E. WiltEe, has elicited from 227 Boston schoolboys of the ago of fifteen and sixteen years particulars of their tastes in collecting. Out of tho entire numbor only nineteen had either abstained altogether frnm making collections or thought their efforts too trivial to bo worth reportintj. Then boys are said to be below tho everago, though not aiways tho worst. Somo boys, having exhausted tho intorost of ono, havotakentoothorformsof collecting One hundred and forty-four had madecolloc tions of two kinds, and a fow had exceeded tho number or five Stamps were the most popular objects; then marbles, of which somo boys had accumulated several thousand-1. Business and advertising cardb, stones, minerals, oven bits of brick and stone, woods, loaves or flowors, imprints of poat office dies, riddles, autographs, buttons, birds' nests, lists of names, tools, and many other articles have also been made tho objonts of schoolboy ambition and acquisition. Somo returns havo been obtained from girls, but thosa are not so numerous as to bo of special value, the impression conveyed being that tho instinct of collecting is wonkor amongst tho little women than it is amongst tho little men. "Little girls,'' wo are told, "often collect bows from adults, keeping tally on bits of paper."

Words from Afar.

Thk following a-o tho derivations of a few words which havo boon introduced into the ivnglifh language in comparatively recent times, owing to our commercial intercourse with foreign nations or to the eproad of the arts and sciences. As our language con tains words drawn from nearly every coun try in the world, we confine ourselves to those which are tho leapt common. Thus, for instance, wo got from Amoriea maize, potato, and tobacco; from Arabia, ii'lmiral, algebra, almanac, cofleo, lako, cotton, lemon, lime, and ?ofa ; from China. nankeen, satin, and (ho various kinds of tea, as congou, bnhea, souchong, &o ; from France, bouqnot, depot, and soireo; from Hebrew, amen, cherub, jubilee, and sab buth ; from Malay, bamboo, bantam, chintz, nngo and curry ; from India, calico, jungle, muslin, pinch, rupee, and sugar; from Italy, bust, canto, folio, grouo, motto, umbrella, volcano, opera, piano, and tho various terms used in music ; from Portia, chess, balcony, bazaar, orange, shawl, and turban ; from Polynesia, kangaroo, tattoo, Sco. ; from Turkey, fash and tuiip; and from Portugal und Spain, cash, cocoa, cargo, chocolate, cigar, negro, and shorry. These aro only a very few of tho many words which may bo mentioned, but thoy aro sufficient; to show that when an article of commerce, a new kind of art, or a new branch of scionco was introduced into EnjjUnd for the first time, it naturally brought with it tho uamo by which it had been previously know in the country from which it had been borrowed. This word would, of course, undergo many changes in the process of its adoption, but in the end it would become an English word,

A Franco-German Duel.

A DUEL taok place tho othor day in Cali fornia under circumstances which invested it with more than ordinary interest. A Frenchman who owns a rancho of 2,000 acres in the Marin County quarelled with a Gorman lawyer of San Francisco in a dis cussion as to the relative merits of the cavalry of tho two armies in the Franco- German war. A hostile meeting was arranged, and the disputants met in a ravine near the Ocean House, kept by a man named Barney Farley. The duel was fought on horseback ; tho weapons being French rapiers, 3G inches long, sharp on the edges and point. The referee, on seeing the nature of the weapons, protested ; but find ing his remonstrance useless, at eleven o'clock ordered the men to begin. The first two charges passed off harmlessly ; but at the third charge, the Frenchman, riding rapidly towards his adversary, with great skill cut an ugly gash in the German's right arm. At this point the friends of tho German, realising the strious character of the affair, fled in a atate of oxcitement—his doctor, it is stated, being the first to beat a haaty retreat. The re feree again remonstrated, but in vain and the fight continued. At the fourth charge the frenchman completely disabled the German by another slash on the arm, and then, making a desperate rush on his dis armed opponent, was about to stab him in the heart, when the referee dashed forward and dragged the Gorman from his horse, thus saving his life. The Frenchman, en raged at this proceeding, then charged the referee, whoonly escapeddeathbycrouching behind a buggy that was on the ground. The duel was over. The German was placed in a carriage and removed to a farm-house, where his wounds were attended to. The Frenchman apologised to the referee for tho hoat ho had displayed, and all ended happily.

Actors' Practical Jokes.

Mb Planciih, in his interesting volume of recollections, says: "As long as I can re member, a peculiar style of joking has beon popular in the dramatic profession, and, strange to say, some of the most humorous and audacious pranks have been perpetrated by actors who would never have been suspected of such a propensity —such as Egerton, a dull, heavy man in society, and Liston, who was an extremely shy man. Munden never saw mo in the street that he did not get astride his great cotton umbrella, and rido up to me like a boy on a Btick. Wallack and Tom Cooke would gravely meet, remove with solid countenances each other's hat, bow ceremoniously, replace it, and pass on without exchanging a word, to tho astonish ment of tho beholders. Medows continu ally would seat himself on the kerbstone opposite to my house after we became neighbours, in Michael's Grove, Brompton, with his hat in his hand, like a beggar, utterly regardless of passing strangers, and remain in that attitude till I or some of my family caught sight of him, and threw him a halfpenny, or threatened him with tho police. The peculiarity of those absurdities was that thoy were never premeditated, but were the offspring of mere impulse. Young ard Liston were also practical jokers but they indulged in very innocent pastimes. Liston's sole occupation at last was sitting all day long at the win dow of his residence in St. George's Row, Hyde Park Corner, with his watch in his hand, timing the omnibuses, and expressing tho greatest distress and displeasure when ono of them appeared to him to be late."

Pensions in England.

Fere are a few items taken from the

pension list, which may be interesting

The Queen, for forty-nino years, has roceived £420,000 per annum ; the late Prince Con sort, for twenty years, received £30,000 pr-r annum ; the Princess Royal, for twenty eight years, has received £8,000 per annum, in addition to a dowry of £40,000 ; The Prince of Wale?, for twenty-two years, has received £40,000 per annum, and from the Duchy of Cornwall, for forty-four years, £00,000 per annum; his wife for twenty two years has received HIO,OOO per annum ; the Duke of Edinburgh, for nineteen years, has received £15,000 per annum, ,'md since his marriage, for eleven years, has received £25,000 ; the Duke of Connaugbt, for four teen years, has received £15,000 per annum, and since his marriage, for eleven years, £25,000 per annum ; Princess Helena, for nineteen yoars has roceived £6,000 per annum; Princess Louise for nine teen years, has received £6,000 per annum ; frinces? Mary of Teck, for thirty five years has received £3,000 per annum ; the lato Prince Leopold, for nine years, re ceived £15.000 per annum; the Grand Duchess of Mecklenburg, for forty two years, has received £3,000 per annum ; the Duke of Cambridge, for thirty-five years, has received £12,000 per annum ; the Duchc?s of Cambridge, in addition to large emoluments, for thirty-6ve years, has re ceived £3,000 per anrum ; tho Heirs of Sir Thomas Clarges, for 212 years, have roceived £SOO par annum. Viscount Combermer9 is entitled to £2,000 per annum ; tho heirs of Henry Durley to f 2,357 per annum ; Vis count Evereley to £4,000 per annum ; Vis count Exmouth to £2,000 per annum; William Gatty to £1,331 per annum ; Lord dough to £2,000 ; and Sir George Grey to £2,000. The Duke of Grafton is in receipt of £7,191 12s, £3,354, and £843 per annum.

HUMOROUS GLEANINGS.

Lawyeii (to witnees) "Did you see that tree near the roadside?" Witness : " Yes, Bir;lsawit very plainly." Lawyer: "It was very conspicuous, then ?" Witness : " Well, I can't say that. I saw the tree very plainly, though." Lawyer :" 1 would like to know why, if it was plain, it wasn't conspicuous. What is thedifforence between plain and conspicuous ? Answer that, will you ?" Witness: " Well, it is this: I coma into this court room andglance over the bar, I see you plainly among the other lawyers, although you aint a bit conspicuous." "I wish I had lived in the days of Adam and Eve," said a tired-looking man. " Why so?" asked a friend. "Because I should not have been so intolerably bored by hear ing people bewail the good old times of their ancestors I"

When a young man in the country walks with a girl as though he was afraid some ono would see him, tho girl is his sister. If ho walks so close to her as to nearly crowd her against the fence, she is some ono elso'B sister.

"No," said Fogg, when his physician told him that his blood was in an impoverished condition and needed to be Btarted up; " no, Doctor, I cannot permit it. It would bo wrong for us to stir up bad blood." " You have missed great opportunities, Colonel," said a man at a funeral of a friend. " Now, horo is our friend P. died and left §4,000,000. You and ho began life to gothor. You haven't saved your money, and he did." " Yes," assented the colonel, " and there he is in a coffin, going on a long journey without a cent in his pocket, while I'm alive and got a $20 note in mine " The first speaker lost interest in the con versation.

A diner at a restaurant table displayed signs of irritation just becauso the waiter happened to havo spilled a plate of soup over his coat. " Don't worry, sir, don't worry," said the head waiter; "it is seven o'clock." " What has that eot to do with it?" cried the victim. "Alter half-past six, sir, our soup doesn't grease—hot water, sir, that is all."

Tho Colonel-•" Great Ciesar ! Another hat ? You are the most extravagant woman in England. Why, I believe you have got a different hat for every day in the week." MreColoncl—"Why.ofcourselhave ! That's just it. 1 have one for every day in the week, but none for Sunday. I want a finer one for Sunday."

Said the greon but ambitious you.ig man to the village chorister: "I want to join your choir." "Your services are not re choired," answered tho choirister. " But isn't my voice i barytone?" asked the young man. "A wheelbarrow tono!" sneered the chorister.

"Etta, I love theealone. Indeed I speak the truth I" He paused the blush o'er spread her dimpled cheek. She lot him draw her near. Scarce for emotion could she speak. Yet still she asked in accents meok, " Nod, how much have you a year?"' " It is rather strange, but there goes a man who can never keep money." " Nothing strange about it. Ho can't keep money becauso he can't keep some thin? else." " What's that?" " Sober." A Vassar girl being asked why eomo of the students were so eager to learn to play tho violin instead of tho piano, replied : " Oh, that's so they may havo a tura chance to draw a beau !" (bow).

"Yes," said Clara's dear frUnd, when Clara, tho theatrical star, showed her her photograph, "yes, Clara, I think it's a lovely picture. By the way, whom did you get to sit for you ?"

CLIPTOMANIA.

[SELEOTEn BY OUR LoKBOK CORRESPONDENT.]

It would seem as if in some parts of tho country the supply of schoolmasters is be ginning to oxceed tho demand. A corres pondent Eay? that a friend of his recently advertised for a schoolmaster to take charge of a little school for three months, the salary for that time to be £25. He received no fewer than ninety-eight applications, the applicants having all of them high testimon ials both us to ability and character.

A "medical rubber" has rubbed herself out. The iady in question possessed a magnetic touch, and was gifted with great powers in the way of rubbing out neuralgic pains. Sufferera from far and near came to conßulther, andherpractice became so exten sive that the fatigue of the operation began to tell upon her, and she confined her rub bings to her intimate friends. But she had in some occult manner absorbed the ailment of her patient?, and became her self a martyr to neuralgia. The evil spirits which she had exorcised from others returned with sevenfold venom and took up their abode in her; the neu ralgia reached the heart, and proved fatal. Death played hb cards well, and won the rubber. — "Modern So ciety." The Household Cavalry costs £150,000 a year, yet all military authorities admit that such tall, heavy men are utterly useless in modern warfare. Why then, it might be asked, ought the overburdened taxpayer to bear this great unnecessasy cost? The loyal Briton will be appeaßed when ho is informed that these toy-soldiers are retained as one of the multifariousoxpDnsivo adjuncts of Royalty. These gigantic machines are used to trot after JKoyalty'a carriage in London and Windsor, that an unthinking people ma; be imposed upon by a display of tinsel splondour.—" Modern Society. It is astonishing how little the mere fact of poverty can hurt us, if we ore courageous, and determined that the world shall not be too much for us. After all, fewer servants mean less responsibility; a smaller house involves fewer cares ; and if flowers fnil us, because we cannot buy then as lavishly as of yore, it is astonishing how much longer those last that are given us than the ones we purchased so recklessly, and how many grasses and beautifully-coloured leaves are yielded to us by any hedge, or even in many square-gardens, that we should never have seen, maybe, had we never had occasion to seek diligently after something wherewith to fill our empty vases. —" All the Year Bound."

Rumour is still busy with the matrimonial prospects of Mica Mary Anderson, It is again Baid that she will retire from the stago at the end of the winter season and will then be married, not to a New York plutocrat or a British nobleman, but to the unassuming son of a rich Kentucky manufacturer of farming implements. According to the story he was a boyhood friend of the actress and was assiduous in his attentions to her while Btill in his nonage. Her adoption of the stage as a vocation separated them, although they kept up a correspondence, and he saw her wheneveropportunity offered. He came to Europe last spring, and renewed his suit with ardour and success. Stories of this kind appear to be promulgated by Miss Anderson's managerial advisers about once a month, and as they are always even tually denied, people decline to believe in them any more than the shepherd boy's constant cry of " Wolf" in iEsop's fable was believed in. Mies Anderson's financial gains have been carefully invented, and she now has a fortune of at least half a million dollars. In a letter to a friend she speaks with most ingenuous de ight of her triumphs in England. "Life." A dog is, like his master, subject to mora variations. He is cunning, mean, mag nanimous, thrifty or wasteful. He is some times even provident, as when he hides ths superfluity of one meal in order to enjoy his Btore Bhould fortune not favour him so abundantly on some future occasion. This demonstrates that his intelligence is not " blind instinct," as at one time it used to be the fashion to stylo it, for this foresight is only possible after a process of ratiocination. A dog is, msreover, grateful for kindnesß and tenaciously mindful of wrongs. He seems, as becomes the descendant of a wild animal dependent for its daily food on the keenness of its eensee, to be more acute in smell and hearing than man; and its native taate, uncorrupted with long contact with conventionality, is proved by the dislike which the higher typo of dogs display towards the piano. Again,' while one dog will save up for an evil day, another will gorge itself without a thought for the morrow.—" Standard,"

Certain revelations madeattbn Middlesex sessions may contain a practical suggestion for thiovos Among things not generally known is tho fact that persons who hand over treasure trove into the custody of the police are entitled to an honorarium at the rate of 15 per cent, of the value of the article. For a diamond necklace, valued at £400, a receiver will only give the finder £18 pounds, but the police will give £60. Honesty, therefore, is more than three times aa profitable as the opposite course, and the best method of getting rid of stolen goods is to go to the police with them, and to prove, by false witness if necessary, that they have been found without an owner. This is a far more lucrative plan than turn ing valuables into white or yellow "soup." - "Pall Mall Gazette." The largest fortunes accumulated in Ireland have been made in the liquor busi ness. No Irish fortune approaches, in point of personalty, that of the late Mr Wyse, of Cork (£3,000,000,) a distiller, save that of the late Sir B L. Guinness—£l,2oo,ooo.

In England the brewers have eclipsed the distillers "quite entirely," not merely in wealth, but in social distinction. Baronet cies have been showered on brewers—Meux Buxton, Base, Allsopp, &c, and at length even crronets descended on the representa tives of Beer—and worthy representatives too-in the persons of Lords Tweedmouth and Ardilaun. Beer is more than ever in the ascendant. Here is one brother Bass in popsession of Chesterfield Houso, so long the ne phis ultra of fashion, and another of Northampton House, the whilom head centre of the haul ton of science and art. A Bass ia also at Bretby, the seat of the Chesterfields, whilst another partner of the bouse is tenant of the ancestral home of the Gretleys.—" Echo." It is stated that Mrs VVeldon, whose long tarm of imprisonment in Holloway Gaol has expired, will shortly appear at one of the London thoatres iv a new play written expressly for hor. Mrs VVeldon has never yet failed in exciting a sensation and inspir ing admiration for her oleverness in any thing she has undertaken. One great infirmity of noblo actors she possesses, how ever, in an uncommon degree -a somewhat haety and brittle temper, and the capacity of making it exceedingly hot for a perverse manager. PrinceßS Beatrice and her husband must be desperately anxious for a short change when they could undertake an excursion from Balmoral to Slams Castle and back in one day, the expedition involving one hun dred and twenty-six miles of railway and forty two miles of driving They left Bal moral at eight in the morning, reachedSlains shortly after one, lunched with Lady Erroll, left at tour, and got back to Balmoral at half past nine. Princess Beatrice is popular on Doeside ; butthereis nosort of enthusiasm for her husband, who does not seem to make way ; and the people, who are a shrewd lot, openly express their opiuion that she ought to have made a better match after waiting so long. A tragic case of the accidental poisoning of two young girls, sisters, has occurred in New York. A young doctor, engaged to the eldor of the girls, proscribed a tonic for them. The chemist, a man of scienco, had that day been prostrated by bad news anont his father in Germany ; he put up morphine instead of quinine, and although the blunder was soon discovered, it was too late to save either girl. The public interest in the case ro?e to an extraordinary height, and the neighbourhood of the offlicted house was crowdod. The chemist, on finding what he had done, took poison ; but remedies v."eto applied, and .ha is expecteo to recover. '•Jhere is a Ru=sian student at a French Academic His mother naturally had scruples about his lodging anywhere eleo than under the supervision of his tutors. He wrote expostulating, and deEcantcd on the unhoilthinessof hiequarters to an alarm ing extent. Tho answer came, "At the Academia you me safe, my eon, and at the Academic you must remain." He grew pathetic, but to no purpose. At last he took counsel of his friends. There ia a pesti lence which creepeth in d;irkne?s, and a great many specimens were collected, en closed in a sma.ll card board box, and directed to the obdurate parent, with lheso words, "Mother, in pity lot tns leave this place. Never a wink can I got at night. Hero are a few ; I could send you a bushel. Those my tormentors will explain more tlifty, words. I am grieved to have had recourse to such strongevidence.—Yourdiscomforted son." By the next mail there came a mes sage, " My son, go wheresoever then, wilt, only leave the Acad<smie."

The " World " was misinformed when it announced that the Pope had demanded £4,000 for tho "dispensation" which has been granted from tho Vatican for the marriage uf Princess Marie d'Orl6ans to a Lutheran. It has boon officially stated at Kome that the cost of tho dispensationwas seven shillings and sixpence.—"Truth." Mrs Parnell, tho mother of Charlei Stuart Parnell, who resides in Boston, U.S.A., is reported to be in straitened cir cumstances. Her father was an American Admiral of renown in the war with Eng land in 181215. On this ground applica tion has beon made to tho Secretary of the Navy for tho grant of a ponHion, which will probably be conceded. Surely Mr Parnell will never allow this.—" Echo."

Now that tho Popes have lost their States, and with them their old assured source of rsvenue, it might be supposed that they would neglect none of the opportunities which their spiritual authority affords of adding to the income they derive from the voluntary subscriptions of the faithful. It was probably some considerations of this sort which prompted the rumour that the Popa had exacted from the Orleans family a fee of £4,000 for tho dispensation lately granted the Princess Marie. A fco there was, but it was nothing like so large. " Osservator Romano " officially statos that it amounted to exactly 7s Cd. A doctor gives the following remedy for a coid :—" feat no supper on going to bod, and on rising drink a tumbler of cold water. For breakfast eat a pieco of dry bread aB largo as your hand. Go out freely during the morning. For dinner eat the same as at breakfast. During tho afternoon take a sharp walk, or sngago in some active exercise that will induco porspiration. Go without supper and retire early." And just a quiet funeral, eh ? The daughter-in-law of Fouche, Duke d'Otrante, was one of the brightest of women. Her husband was a roue that the Parisians were about to refor to as tho Due d'Otrante et Q.uaranto. One day the married pair chanced to dine together. The duke began to rail at Hfo as an empty thing. " What consolos me," he cried, "is that I have wronged many husbands." "What I regret," retorted the duchess, " is that I can only wrong one."—" Truth " Some of tho clauses of the late Lord Beaconsfield's will are, it is rumoured in legal circles, likely to be tho subject ot litigation It is Btated that two of them, at any rato, may be so difforently interpreted that it is essential to obtain the assistance of the court to determino what is the proper construction to bo put v pon them. According to the Bame authority, one of the clauses has reference to Lord Beaconsfiold's MSS. and his political papers, and any doubt as to the meaning of it must be set at rest before Lord Rowtoncan finish his biography.

It is stated that the literary arrangements for one of the most important ot recent works on the history of tho stage have been completed. It is to be called " Actors and ActresßOß of Great Britain and the United SUtei, from the days of David Garrick to tho Present Time," and will be edited by Mr Laurence Hutton, the author of " Literary Landmarks of London," and Mr Brander Matthews. It iB to contain bio graphy, extracts from contemporary criticism, and anecdote. Tho biographical sketches, which will all be signed by tho writers of them, will number more than one hundred.

Among forthcomiug books will be the "Life of Prince Bismarck," by Mr Lowe, the Berlin correspondent of the "Times." It is said that but for the fact of his being engaged on his book, Mr Lowe would have been aßked to leave the German capital some time ago. The Earl of Suffolk ia finishing his volume on " Racing," which will be a companion book to that of theDtt* 0 of Beaufort on "Hunting." There is »". impression that the publishing season -R '^ be unusually brisk. On dit that the true cause of Mr Glad stone's fall was his desire to do something big for the Crown, after the style of Lord Beaconsfield's India feat. The Queen was to be crowned O'Guelph, Queen of Erin, and Empress of Tipperary, but she declined to add thia to her. .Royal autograph unle6B Parliament would givo her ±'3Q,000 more a year for ink. Of courso, tho matter was dropped, aud Mr Gladstone with it.

SELECTED POETRY.

THE UNFRUITFUL TREE.

There stood in a beautiful garden

A tail and stately tree; Crowned wiih is shiniug leafage,

It was wondrouß fair to sec. But (ho tree was always fraitless

Never a blossom fioiv On its long and beautiful branches The whole bright season through,

Tho lord of the garden saw it, And he said when this leaves were sere " Cut down this tree so worthless, And plant another here. My garden is not for beauty Alone, but for fruit as well, And no baireu tree must cumber The i lace in which I dwell."

The gardener heard in sorrow, For ho loved the barren tree, As we lovo some things about us That aro only fair to see. "Leave it one season longer— Only one more .1 pray, He pleaded; but the master Was Him and answered, "Nay.

Then the gardener dug about it, And ™t the roots apart, And the fear of tho fate before it Struck home tp the poor tree's heart. Faithful and true to iiis master, let loving ti>e tree so well, The gardener toiled in s now Till the stormy evening fell.

" Tomorrow," ho said, '• I will finish Tho task that I have begun." But tho morrow was wild with tempest, And the work remained undone. And through all tho long bleak winter Tbere stood tho desolate tree, With the cold, white snow about it, A Borrowful thing to see.

At last the sweot spring weather Mado glad tho hearts of men. And tho trees in the lord's fair garden Put fon h their lcavea again. " I will finish my ta6k to-morrow," The busy gardener said, And thought, with a thrill of sorrow, That tho beautiful tree was dead.

The lord came into his garden At an early hour noxt day, And then to the task unfinished The gardener led the way. Andlo, all white with blossoiuo, Fairer than ever to see, In its promise o£ coming f rnitago There stood tho beautiful tree 1

" It is well," said tho lord of the garden, And ho and the gardener knew That out of its loss and trial Its promise of fruitfulness grew. It is so with some lives that cumber For a time tho Lord's domain; Out of trial and mighty sorrow There cometh a coumiess gain. And fruit for the Master's pleasure Is born of loss and pain. —CONGHEGATIONALIST.

THE DYING ARIMATHÆAN.

Throw back tha lattioe! Sweet and dear, The sheep-call on the hills 1 hear; 'Tis twilight timo, the day Is done, The last ray kisse; Lebanon.

Hark to tho hymning of tho brnexe, The weird wind through iho olive trees Like wavolet-worda from Galilee ' Or Kedron singing toward tts sea.

Peaca through ray joyful spirit ftowa. Beyond my ni^ht tho morning glows I hear my home ca<l to the skies Ring down the slopes of Paradife,

Throw back the curtain! li»t me see The garden glado—OctUsomano, Through which we passed, when slow nnd Btill, We boro his body irom tho hill.

Tho fummer winds died quite away. No bird gave voice or song that day; '1 he lilies in their graasy beds Drooped Badly down iheli beautoona heads

Tho chill of death seemed everywhere, Oo land, on sra, and heavy uir; All nature palled, in suckoloih tiod Tho burial pageant of her God.

The crlDplo on BetheFda'a rim Knew the dark shadow over him

The beggar by tlie ciiy gato Grew inly drenr and dfßOluto.

From heartless Roman on the throno To godless priest b } - altat- «tono— From woman waihnx in !'rr v.oe To ' scatter*ft floci'. "—ail ■~-lt tha Mow.

From quaking eaiiband battl ment. To temple-veil by tempest rent • From living dead and i.pei, tomb Waiked forth a senso of coming doom.

Lift mo up,! I tttio wonM see Wh-:ro stood t.Us crow on Calvary. (We drew the nails from feet and hands And bound him iv ihu burial b^uij)

w- i^'ll s1e!?! w «Wn my breast Wi;l ho the calm of pci feet rest • winW cllro tthere lay llls brow \\ 111 hide my weary body now.

B&mVs' a!o °P ! hour of Rlooru VV >ll fold around my Master's tomb; The hßht i hai o'er hia pillow BboDe, icl shu.u3 bcneaOi that door of stone.

Oh. I sha'l ikep 1 Aero?s n,j soul No iu,ey.>. shall chillii.-i; time-storms roll Nu wild earth sea may sweep itH lido, Where slept the princely Crucified.

Oh, I Bha'il sleep! No hreakinsr years Sh ill break tho tpfll I Xo wnkiug fears bhu I •> ake my spiclt from its dtep Aad peaceful i leop-its hallowed deep!

Tom GiißaouY,

THE AUCKLAND EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 1885

5



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