Married in Spite of Himself.

By Jas. M. Geddis, " Evening Stab "

Office,

lAwarded First Prize in tho Competition Organ ised by St. Matthew's Literary and Dobatlng Soolety.]

CHAPTER I,

AtrausTcs Spkiooins was a draper's assis tant of diminutive stature, Bnug appoar ance, amorous disposition and uncertain age. On this latter point he displayed all the studied reticence attributed to mature virgins who draw heavily upon the resources of art tor the purpose of hiding the ravages of remorseless time. To hia friends, Jio was always somewhere in the immediate vicinity of 25, but spiteful people remarked that fully ten years had elapsed since he first hesitatingly owned to having negotiated the quarter of a century.

These ten years covered his sojourn in the colonies, and, so far as he was concerned they had brought very few changes in their train. They had neither added vigour nor imparted a deepening colour to the Bcraggy hirsute growth of red which bordered the little man's cheeks and tinted his uppor lip. They had not interfered with the cut and general style of his attire, and they had not seen any variation in the modest salary of £2 per week that ho received from Messrs Baldordash and Co. His habits and characteristics, too, had re mained unaltered. Asl have already remarkod, he was under sized and sanguine-hued, or, to put it vulgarly, red-haired. Hia most prominent facial feature was a long and aspiring nose of irregulat outline, which, along with his name, he loved to quote as indisputable proofs of noble lineage. His head was large and thinly covered with light, tawny coloured hair, parted in the centre and artistically titivated up at the sides. He had a dapper little figuro, always arrayed in the neatest of slops, and, though his legs were so thin as to suggest to idle vagabond boys a comparison with pipe shanks, yet his feet were small and well formed. Of this fact he was fully conscious, and consequently spared nothing to secure for his pedal extremities the best adornment that the shoemaker's art could devise. Augustus boarded at Parnell in the house of an aged couple named Kipstone, who, having won a modest competence in the grocery line during Auckland's experience of the advantages and drawbacks of garri son life, had, at the departure of the troops, withdrawn from business. They soon, however, got tired of having nothing to do but eat, driuk, and sleep, and so, after much cogitation, they advertised for two boarders, who should be quiet, respectable young men.of the Methodist persuasion, and who would consent to take their meals along with the heads of the household, in addition to waiving any claim to latch keys Augustus and a chemist assistant of woe-begone aspect, named Simon Batter, answered the advertisement, and, having subscribed to the conditions and satisfied the pious scruples of the old people, were duly constituted members of the family. Simon waa tall and rather ungainly in figure, phlegmatic to the furthest verge of taciturnity in manner, while his chief endowment was an exceedingly lively ap petite, for the gratification of which ho Could be persuaded to do almost anything. Augustus had discovered this weakness, rind turned it to account. Although an ardent admirer of the fair sex himself, yot, in the presence of ladies, he was invariably overwhelmed with suoh excessive bash fulness that he could hardly summon up courage to apeak, and certainly had none for extending the circle of his acquain tances. He could ouly sigh and look unutterable things. And yot he frequented all the places wherein females most do like to Congregate. Every tea-meeting that was hold within a radius of ten miles secured his patronage, no church baz'iur that was within reach went unvisited by him, and he was an unfailing attendant at evangelistic meetings, Good Templar_ and Sunday-school concerts, and Congregational picnics. Until the advent of tho gastrono mical Simon he had always gone solus to these affairs, and at their close had invari ably crept home disgusted and disappointed in his solitariness.

But once he found out the weuk Bide of his fellow-boarder, he cjntrived to benefit by ifc. He made Simon the close partici pant in all his nocturnal pleasures, Augustus bearing the expenses and Simon obediently doing all that was desired of him. Soirees were their especial delight. Well supplied with conversation lozengea, they would sally out to them long before the hour for commencing, get established in a good position, and give themselves up to unre strained enjoyment, Simon finding his at tho table and Augustus obtaining his after wards. The former was the bete noire of the matronly dames who dispense weak tea and soddenad pastry on those occasions. He had a liver impervious to all the insidious craft of the pastrycook, and an appe tite that, sharpened to activity by a day's abstinence, was usually equal to the consumption of five or six cupsful of tea and a large and varied assortment of tarts, cake, and sandwiches, In fact, Simon seemed to esteem it an incumbent duty to sample every plate upon tho table, and he discharged it, top, with most exemplary thoroughness, quite unabashed by the significant looks of bis neighbours, but very much stimulated by their sarcastic presentation of further sup plies. He was ever so completely impressed by the serious necessity of making the utmost use of the time allowed for the dis cussion of the meal as to be oblivious to the levity that might be going on arpund him. After tea, Augustus and he would hang about the doors until the tables had been removed and the Beats re-arranged, when they would- ensconce themselves in some corner that offered Immunity from genera) observation, and which, at the same time, was likely to be in close proximity to the young damsels of the flock. Then, Augustus assumed the direction ot afLiirs, and Simon prepared to obey and faithfully execute all hia behests. As soon as the first proay speaker had launched out upon the boundless ocean of verhoso common places, AuguHtus, having made a careful •election of lozenges of tender spntiment, would intrust them to Simon with direc tions as to their intended destination, and the latter, with unerring aim and placid countenance, would discharge them at the heads and necks or over the shoulders of the maidensin front. Thispreliminarycannonade was always one of an experimental charac ter, designed tor ascertaining who were likely to respond to such delicate attentions and who might be expected to disdain and repulse them. The former | ctass were accustomed to manifest their satis faction by much tittering and frequent side-long glances, while the latter would either sit immoveable or else turn right round and shoot a withering glance of acoru and rebuke upon the innocent looking and awfully attentive Simon. This experiment finished, Augustus would ply his assistant with lozenges, somo bearing printed communications and others pencilled ones, and Simon, with a zeal worthy a better cause, would conscien tiously project them in the required direc tions. Startled by the clatter of the fall ing missiles, the Chairman would, at short intervals, get up to administer severe re proof to the disturbers of the peace, but Simon and Augustus were always prepared for such emergencies and were rarely ennghtinJlar/ranlctlelkto. Augustusjconfined himself on such occasions to furnishing the lcve-meßßages, meeting with a reciprocal j smile the backward looks of the girls in front, and receiving their replies, while Simon most energetically kept up the bom bardment; warding off suspicion after each discharge by gazing upon the speaker in absorbed attention. Then, at the .close of the meeting, Simon would, in pursuance of instructions, humbly solicit for himself and friend the pleasure of seeing some of the young ladies home, and this having been conceded, Augustus would emerge from his obscurity and play the rdle of the bashful gallant, By tboao means, Mr Briggins gradually gob rid of his timidity, and, at tbe time at which oar story opens, he was actually con templating the serious step of inviting a lady to accompany him to a picnic. It wastho22nd|of December, and Augustus, having partaken oi tea, waa seated medita tively upon the verandah with the evening paper upon hißknee. He had been scanning the advertisement columns, wherein the at tractions of various Boxing Day excursions were set forth in all the glory of capital letters and notes of admiration, and he was now engaged in considering which he should' patronise. He felt that the decision wai one requiring great reflec tion, and fraught with much importance. It was the first time that he had ever mustered up hardihood sufficient to invite o lady to accompany him on a pleasure trip, for Simon could always be depended upon tomakeauch arrangements in person,

but, at thia particular juucture, the invalu able Batter had been sent to the country by his master on business matters, and Mr Spriggins felt that, if ho would not have a ppoilt holiday, ho would bo obliged to act for himself.

After long and earnest deliberation he resolved to throw in his lot with a Sunday school excursion party whose destination was the Tamaki, and, having also deter mined to forward his invite to a young and blushing damsel whose acquaintance he had mado at a Presbyterian tea meeting, ho re tired to writo it out.

The young lady lived with a maiden aunt who ti id been under the benign influence of a i.'evout and unctuous evangelist. Mr Spriggins felt it to bo necoasary, therefore, that he. should frame his epistle with duo care and solotnnity. He entered upon the task at eight o'clock with a light heart, and, after spoiling two or three dozen en velopos and a quire of superfine Bcented note paper, rose from it at eleven with tho pleasing knowledge that ho had wrestiod with it successfully. It was duly posted, and late on tho following day, Mr Spriggins waa gratified with tho receipt of a dainty little note from Miss Jessie McLowry thanking him for his kind invitation and informing him that she would only be too happy to accept it wore she not reluctant to leave hor poor dear aunt alone for the wholo day. Would it causo Mr Spriggins any inconvenience if sho brought hor aunt with her ? Of course Augustus "hastened to reply that he would bo delighted to have tho company of Miss McLowry and her amiable aunt, and so the affair was settlod, Mrs Ripstone graciously undertaking to prepare tho materials for the picnic.

CHAPTER 11. Tiik day of the picnic proved to bo as fine as tho most exaUine of mortals could desiro. Tho sky was just dappled here «nd there with a fow fleecy cloudlets that served to relieve the blue expanse and the ;dazzliDg sunlight bathed everything in its brightest colours while a refreshing southerly broeze moderated the temperature of the atmosphere. Augustus, kept awake throughout the night by keen anticipations of the pleasure that awaited him on the morrow, arose with the dawn and duvo.ted all the interven ing time till breakfast in the adorn ment of his little person. Ho brushed and perfumed his slonder locks with the utmost care, devoted a full hour to coaxing the refractory straggling hairs of his whiskers into something like order, polished his boots till they shone like a pair of tnirrora, elegantly curlod his feeble moustache, and, in short, performed with exceptional par ticularity all the numerous requirements of his toilette. Then, having donned his dust coat and pugaree-encircled straw hah, ho seized the basket of provisions bade Mrs Ripstone a cordial "Good-day" and sallied forth in the direction of Miss Lowry's domicile canvassing in bis mind the idea ho had formed of the Aunt ho had not yet seen. Arrived there, he found the blushing Jessie quite ready, and exceedingly complaisant. The mysterious Aunt however had not quite com pleted her preparations, and Augustus, though eager to be away, waa obliged to make a virtue of necessity and wait. At length, however, the Aunt made her appear ance, and put to flight ali Augustus's preconceived notions of her. She was tall, broad-ehouldered, and terribly athletic, with an awe-inspiring cast of countenance, high cheek bones, a capacious mouth, and a protruding upper row of discoloured teeth, quite innocent of any kind ofdenti-' frice, while the nose which surmounted them was tip tilted, and decidedly purplish in its hue. Misa Margery McLowry was "got up " in tho same style and fashion as her rather comely niece, notwithstanding the disparity in their years. She was dressed in muslin, with a jaunty, coquettish hat upon her well-oiled corkscrew ringlets, while a gigantic dresa improver made itsalf noticeable in tho generous contour of her figure. She ad vanced towards the tremulous Augustus with a mincing gait, an expansive smile at tht same time extending the corners of her mouth, and disclosing the erratic sotting of her teeth. Seizing him by the hand and giving it a squeeze that made the unfortu nate fellow's heart leap to his throat, she assured him in a strong Scottish dialect that she waa " vera glad to mak' his acqueentance," and then, having put him through a searching cross-examition aa to the kind of people who were to take part in the excursion, announced her readi ness^to go. Augustus proved a model ladies' man. He carried the provender with deli cate care, relieved both of his fair com panions of their wraps, listened attentively to the voluble garrulity of Miss Margery, and protended to be interested by it also, while busied in stealing sly glances at the face and form of his inamorato.

After a protracted struggle amid the crcwd at tho ticket office on the wharf, he managed to get the necessary pieces of pasteboard entitling him to pass on to the steamer, and, once there, ho provod suc cessful in gaining sitting accomodation for his consorts upon the top of the cabin be hind the funnel. The vessel was crowded with family parties, consisting of author itative fathers marshalling and ordering about troops of children laden with kits, and red-faced and perspiring mothers sooth ing fractious and yelling infants, while the elder sons and daughters, contemptuously indifferent to all these family cares, had paired jff to more secluded stations. Augustus pitched his camp beside a group of matron?, and after being squeezed be tween the Misses McLowry for some time, he was fain to give way to to an uncere monious dame who edged in between him and Jessie. He concluded then to stand.

The passage down was very pleasant ex cept for an unfortunate mishap that oc curred at the start. The vessel had just left the wharf when the funnel belched forth a smart' shower of liquid soot for the liberal baptisement of all the summer cloth ing in its neighbourhood. In his haste to save his spotless garments from pollution, Augustus lost his equibbrium and sat down with great emphasis upon the lap of Mies Margery McLowry, who, imagining the act to be the result of deliberation on his part, capsized him en to the deok, at the same timo loudly venting her indignation in homely Doric. Jessie acted as mediator, and Augustus, anxious to propitiate the wrathful female, devoted himself to her for the remainder of the trip. In fact, he hardly could do otherwise, for Jessie had fallen in with a young man whom she smilingly introduced as her cousin, and with whom she sauntered off to a more re tired sport, in order, so she said, to make room for Mr Sprigging. Our hero was too guileless -to perceive her intention, and too humiliated by his recent treat ment at the hands of the severely-virtuous Margery to be otherwise than most deferen tial in his bearing towards her. The aged virgin, on her part, evidently attribu. ted this change in his demeanour to the effect of her personal graces, and therefore she brought all her skill and loquacity into excercise in tho endeavour to fascinate and captivate him. At the point of debarka tion, Augustus executed a bold but unsuc cessful man6euure with ihe object of effect ing an exchange of partners with the Cousin, who proved that he had his weather eye open. Thence forward he was obliged to promenade Margery from place to place being sensible of tho fact that he was the object of general observation and that people were making the difference in stature himself and partner the subject of mirth and ridicule.

At mid-day he had the opportunity of basking once more in the smile of Jessie, but his felicity was overclouded by the pre- Banco oi the " cousin " and the demonstra tive affection towards himself by the now languishing aunt. He waß dreading a re sumption of the one-aided spooning with the love-sick Margery, when to his supreme delight a deputation of youths and maidens came to request their participation in a game of " kiss-in-the-ring." Their accept ance of the invitation was prompt and unanimous, and an immediate adjourn ment was made to the scene of the intended osculation. Thia time Augustus by a happy piece of generalship, contrived to p!aoe himself between Jessie and her cousin while the aunt was still further away. The circle was large and two handkerchiefs were brought into re quisition for the purpose of marking out the couples selected to chase and kiss. Augustus, conscious of his charms, and, overjoyed in the possession of Jessie's hand, awaited his fortune in patient expecting. The aunt, in her turn, was delighted beyond measure, for the game was new to her and pleesedher mightly. Anxious to play her part in it, she maintained a vigilant watch npon the handkerchief, and evidently mis apprehending the rules, she made several desparate attempts to eocure the fortunate barge of selection, to the great merriment of those who noticed the action. Finally a spruce young man furtively dropped a hankerchief upon Jessie's right shoulder, but, before she could respond, the aunt had grasped it and made off at a ter rific pace after the luckless and horror striken youth. She captured him easily, after upsetting one or two people, and then,

despite his loud protestations that she had made a mistake, kissed him effusively twice. Poor Spriggins, quaking in his shoos, felt that he was in for it now, for the aunt's eloquent looks informed him that she had made up her mind whom to honour. She gracefully hung the handkerchief over hia head and then circumnavigated the ring at n furious aate, catching Augustus again bo foro he was half round and planting a hearty smack upon his lips amid general applause. Tho crestfallen Spriggins of course threw the handkerchief to Jossio, but the jealous aunt was on the alert, and again clutched it and chased, captured, and kissed her struggling and disgusted little knight. By sure degrees and with tho con currence of the whole company, except Augustus, the redoubtable Margery estab lished and maintained a manopoly in tho use of one of the handkerchiofs, and, with a fidelity to tho object of her affections that did her infinite credit, albeit it subjected her to the hearty laughter of the epectotors she permitted no one to share with Mr Spriggins her favours. They had practically a game of " kiss in the ring " to themselves the aunt enraptured, and Augustus in despair. Eventually, having undorgono the trial of two or three dozen kisses from her, aad perceiving no chanco of sharing in the patronage of any of the other ladies, he retirod from tho game under plea of a head ache, and his burly enslaver duly followod him.

I need not particularise further the means adopted to while away the time. Sullico it to say that Aunt Margery did nob desort the miserable draper's assistant for an instant and that he had to endure the sarcastic badinage of his fellows for what they wore pleased to call his " awful epoon ing."

The passago back to town was uneventful. Jessie and hor cousin did not make thoir appearance until the Queen-street Wharf was reached, when the whole party walked together to the .house of the McLourys, Here Mr Spriggina waa beckoned to one Bide by Jessie, who, in a tone that he Battered himself was confidoutia , i nformod him that she intended to have a small party in tho coming week, and asked him to honour it with his presence. Augustus at once became oblivious to the day's disap pointments, and, fully persuaded that he had made an impression upon tho fair Jessie's heart, accepted her invite, walked home quite exhiliarated by his good fortune, surveyed himself for fully balf-on-hour in the mirror, and then, throwing himself full dressed upon his bed in order to indulge himself with reflections upon his first con quest, dropped off to sleep and awoke f n the morning to find that ho had not changed his clothes.

CHAPTER 111. Augustus would have been much less at ease had he suspected the manner in which the party had been arranged and the pur pose for which it was designed. But he was quite unconscions of all this. Ho did not, nor could he, imagine that on tho re turn passage from the Tamaki the malevo lent cousin had suggested the possibility of effecting a matrimonial engagement between him and the aunt, and that Jessie had perfidiously .expressed her pleasure at the bare idea. Neither had ho the slightest conception of the nefarious scheme that tho unscrupulous Mr Cousin (for that was his proper name and not his relationship to Jossio) had evoked from his inner conscious ness with the half-declared propose of en meshing him in the toils of matrimony. Yot Cousin, assisted by MiBS MoLowry the younger had planned it all. They had agreed that a party should be held during the following week to which Mr Sprig- Kins should be invited, and that notes of invitation should also bo forwarded to a select number of friends, each of whom should be informed that the gathering was being held in celebration of the engagement of Spriggings and tho elder Miss McLoury, care also being taken to caution the expected guests not to attach any importance to the possible disavowals of the engaged pair as they were terribly bashful. Nothing further than this was contemplated, for it was calculated that the little ruse would succeed in bringing Augustus to his knees, and in paving the way for a proposition of marriage.

On ■ the afternoon of tho party, Mr Sprigging managed to get a half-holiday, and be consecrated it to tho eerioua business of personal adornment. He spared no pains and begrudged no expense in the " getting vp >r of his costume, and having been assured by Mr and Mrs Hipstone, to whom he submitted himself for inspection, that be looked quite " killing " ho botook himself, with a thoroughly self-satisfied air, to tho residence of the McLoury's. None of the guests hod yot arrived, and Jessie was not quite ready, but the fair and ample Margery received him with open armß -metaphorically, of course. Jessie, however, soon appeared radiant with smiles aad full of compliments. By-and-bye, the guests began to drop in, in twos and threes, and, after each arrival, there waa a general hand-seaking, a short interchange of refer ences to the weather, a satisfactory coincid ence of opinion as to the closeness of tbe atmosphere, a critical scrutiny by the ladies of each other's wearing apparel, and, finally,; an introduc tion to the family album and Jessie's Scrap Book. Singularly enough, all the gentlemen seemed to know Mr Sprigging, although he had never spoken to any of them before, and, stranger still, everyone evinced a disposition to couple his name and that of Miss Margery McLowry together whenever his tastes were con sulted on any point, or his opinion solicited. Margery, too, established herself at his side, addressed him constantly by his Chris tian name, and in a sibillant whisper in sisted upon being spoken to with similar familiarity.

In the course of conversation also, fre quent bints were made to tho happiness that awaitad Aguatua, and he was complimented on all sidoa for his pluck, and for the dis crimination he had displayed in regulating his choice by a desire for domestic felicity a»d substance rather than allowing it to be blinded by vain show and superficial glitter. He was puzzled and perplexed by the con gratulations and indirect allusions, but all his professions of bewilderment and ignorance only served to stimulate the mirth nf hia companions, and to evoke from them sundry ejaculated phrases such as " Oh, you sly dog," " What innocence," "By Jove ! yon'd deceive your own father," with the usual accompani ment of significant winking. Meanwhile, Margery, having been assured before hand by her hopeful niece that Mr Spriggins had popped the question tojhor as proxy for her aunt, and that she had ventured to accept him on the aunt's behalf, received with simpering affability all tho felicitations that were addressed to her, and dilated at great length upon the ardour of passion with which her darling Spriggins wae inspired. The usual parlour games were engaged in, and Augustus, in spite of him self, was obliged to play court to the aunt, and to accept her as his partner for the evening. The impertinent questions pro voked for himself and Margery answers that were voted to suit their case most happily. In the game of " consequences " their names were invariably associated to gether ; where partners had to be chosen everyone seemed to regard his selection as predetermined, ana, in the crying of "forfeits," lie found that his penalties had, without a single excep tion, to be paid to the aunt, while he was made the unwilling recipient of hers. Then he had to escort the elderly female relation to table, and take up a position be side her. The full sense of the situation, however, did not dawn upon his beclouded intellect until Mr Henry Ginger, a young butcher, who had been appointed Master of Ceremonies, arose to give what he was pleaßed to term " the toast of the hevening," viz., "Long life, prosperity, and a 'ouseful of holive branches to Mr and Mru Spriggins as is to be." So did the obeaginous, but not very grammatical Ginger put it. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "Hi ham hexceedingly Borry to call away your hattention from the delicious heatables and the scrumptious drinkables has the Miss McLowrys 'aye been so kind as to lay afore us, but, ladies and gentlemen, you will for give my himpatiencc when Hi tell you that Hi 'aye a toast to propose wich you will be delighted to 'onour. That toast, ladies and gentlemen, is 'Long life, prosperity, and a 'ouseful of b'olive branches to Mr and Mrs S as is to be.' Here Augustus's lower jaw dropped to its fnll extent while his right hand convulsively grasped a roast turkey that stood in front of him and then as nervously proceeded to apply to his whiskers the mucilage so contracted. Then he made a desperate effort to rise, but was twitched dowu by his coat tails while the oratori cal Ginger, having moistened his tongue with a sip of wine, thus proceeded :— "We must hall, ladies and gentle man repernise the suitability of the match, for hall the qualities Mr Sprigging lacks, Mies McLowry possesses, and, of course, wicey wersey, as the Latin poet beautifully soys," (Here the company broke into tumultuous applause, which . gave Mr Ginger time and occasion for imbibing further liquid refreshment) Then, with a

preliminary clearing of the throat, he re- Burned, while Augustus commenced a sub dued altercation with Mr Cousin :—"Ladies and gentlemen. The 'oly state of wodlock should be reserved h'ouly for them h'aa ia deserving of h'itand who will discharge faith fully hits harduous duties. Ui think hour frienda can lay claim to hit on that ground. Misa McLowry his a lady of tho 'igheat character (here Miss Margery blushingly drooped her head), and the sweetest dispo sition, while Mr Spriggins his a genalman of 'onour, and a keen judge too of feminine perfection. He 'as made a choice wich should command hour hadmiration, and botli 'o and 'is hamiablo hintended missis 'as shown sich a tenderness for each bother that we cannot doubt that a 'appy futuro his hin store for them.." Mr Ginger got no further with his spoech, for Augustus, at this instant, abruptly closing his tete-a Me with Mr Cousin, staggered to his feet, and with the courage derived from copious libations of liquor, yelled out, "This ia a malicious lio : Mr Ginger is no gentleman. I am not engaged, and I won't be married to such an ugly oldfrightas Miss McLowry." The outraged feelings of tho annt could not stand this unkind cut, and with an unearthly and blood-curdling shriek, she fell to the floor and sought relief in a fit of boisterous hysterics.. The company was thrown into " most admired disorder." Augustus was voted a brute >hoße drunkenoss only shielded him from instant caatigation, and Miss Margery was spoken of as the poor, [Buffering angel. The guests hurriedly, took thoir leave, and Augustus, in a state of maudlin intoxica tion, spent the night on Constitution Hill, returning home in the morning with the excuse of haying been prevailed upon to atop tho night at the house of a friond. Two or three days subsequently, he was presented with a lawyer's, letter informing him that Misa McLoury had decided to institute immediate proceedings for th« recovery of £500 damages for breach of promise of marriage unless he undertook to marry her forthwith. Driven to the vergo of distraction, ho sought the advice of Mr Cousin, and, having been assured by that astute gentleman that he had made a formal tender of hia hand and heart on the night of the party to Miss Margery, he eadly announced hia willingness to accept the alternative of marriage. The ceremony took place very quietly a week later, Mr Batter officiating as beat man, and tho faithless Jessie acting as bridesmaid. Mrs Spriggins lost no time in assuming the solo and absolute directions of family affairs, regulatodherhusband'a hours and movements insisted upon his admission to! the Presbyterian Church, got him ad vanced to tho position of older, und now en forces the loving practice of a parting kiss in tho morning, and one of greeting in the evening- Augustus has giveu up all hia quondam frivolities ond amuHements, has even been obliged to forswear tho com pany of the harmless Batter, conducts a class at Sundav-echool, attends church twice a day on Sundaya, and trots his wife around to all the prayer meetings and congregational gatherings, that tho Rev. Tim'fithy McSnullle deems it right to hold. In fine he is a painfully-model married man, and he has learnt thoroughly the virtue of resignation. Jessie and hor cousin have also rnarriod, and the dis consolate Batter now attends tea-meetings alone and dispirited. He goes, however, merely for the sake of the inner man, and no longer with any amorous intentions towards tho ladies.

THE KNI),

An Educated Chimpanzee.

I was once the ownor of ft highly-educated chimpanzee. Ho know all the friends of the house, all our acquaintances, and dis tinguished them readily from strangers. Every one treating him kindly, he looked upon as a psrsonal friend. Ho never felt more comfortable than when ho was admit ted to the family circlo and allowed to movo freely around, and opon and chut doore, while hie joy was boundless when ho waa assigned a place at the common table, and the guests admired his natural wit and practical jokes. He expressed hia eatisfac tion and thanks to them by drumming furiously on the table. In his numerous momonts of leasuro hia favourite occupation consisted in investigating carefully every object within his reach ; he lowerod the door of the stove for the purpose of watch ing the fire, opened drawers, rummaged boxes and trunks and played with their con tents, provided the latter did not look suspicious to him. How oasily suspicion was aroused in his mind might bo illustrated by the fact that, as long as ho lived, he shrank with terror from ovory common rubber-ball. Obedience to my orders aui attachment to my person, and to every body caring for him, were among his cardinal virtues, and he bored me with his persistent wishes to accompany mo. He knew perfectly his time for rotiring, and waß happy when some one of ub carried him to the bedroom like a baby. As soon as the light was put out he would jump into the bed and cover himself, because he was afraid of the darkness. His favourite meal was supper with tea, .which he was very fond of, provided it was largely sweetened and mixed with rum. He sipped it from the cup, and ate the dipped bread-slices with a spoon, having been taught not to use the fingers in eating; he poured his wine from the bottle and drank it from the glass. A man could hardly behave himaelf morn gentlemanlike at the table than did that monkey.—"Popular Science Monthly."

Convulsions of St Medard.

In 1727 there died in Paris a celebrated clergyman who had attained considerable fame by opposing certain new dogmas in hia church. Four years later the rumour spread that miracles had tnken place at his tomb in the Cemetery of St. Medard. Certain of the visitors to the cemetery were seized with spasms and violent convulsions ; they rolled upon the ground, and their limbs were thrown into tho strangest contortions ; they Buffered from oppression of breathing, and the pulss was quick and irregular. Some of them produced the phenomena of clair voyance. One woman in particular, while .blindfold, read every writing presented to her, and distinguished tho characters of unknown porsons. Some of tho con vulsibn ists bounded from the ground like a fish out of water; others spun round and round on thoir feet with marvellous rapidity, like the whirling derviahea of the Orient; others ran their heads against walls. Many suffered terrible pains in the region of the stomach, like the St. John dancers of tho fourteenth century. To roliove this a long board was sometimes placed across the body, upon which a whole row of men would stand. Some of them were beaten with stones, hammers, or oluba to relievo them of their sufferings. The clubs were used in the same manner that paviors use their mallets, and it is stated that some of them had daily as many as 6,000 or 8,000 blows thus inflicted.

The •riginal excitement soon abated, for the King ordered the cemetery closed, but a set of fanatics arose which continued the aame performances until 1790, when the ex citement of the Revolution quelled it to a great extent. As late aa 1828 thero were some of the sect still in existence, and an attentive reader of the literature of modern npiritualiem will often see references to the "Convulsionnaires of St. Modard,"—"St. Louia Globe-Democrat."

LOVE AND JOY.

Love laid his slcopleßS head On a thorny rosy bed; And his eyes with tears wore red. And pale his lipa as the dead.

And fear and sorrow and scorn Kept watch by his head forlorn, Till the night was overworn And the world was merry with morn,

And joy oame up with the day And kissed Love's lips as he lay, And the watchers ghostly and grey Sped from his pillow away.

And his oyea as the dawn grew bright, And his lips waxed ruddy as light; Sorrow may reig^i for a night, But day shall bring back delight. SWINBBBNE.

SONATA PATHETIQUE — IN THREE MOVEMENTS.

Andante con Bentimento. Moonlight— summer— John—Jane; Rippling rivor-fragrant lane: Tre mbhng—sighing—vo we—kiss Love—for evor—Heaven—bliss.

Allegro ma non troppo. Morning - autumn—ohuroh—ring, Flowers— favours—ahoe - flung - Bridegroom happy—bride fair ; Fitneßa wondrous—fortune rare.

Winter-dreary—love flown; John—club—Jane alone; River frozen—lane cold— Vows forgotton—atory told. " Moonshine "

IHE AUCKLAND EVENING STAB, THURSDAY, DECEMBEK 24, 1885.

6



FLIES AND BUGS, be,ifc.,. imucU, louhu, anU. lei bug«, rat3,|mic*), jn/ptjei-3. i^ii|JiuuuKd, cluwed out by " Rough ur E»U." - ... .»jl*i. Kewpthoroe, Froner k Co., JUlatc, Auckland



D. F. Evans, KSTATK, HOUSK. AND LAND AGENT, AUCTIONKBR, &o. mo CAPITALISTS AND OTHERS. FIRST-CLASS INVESTMENT IN THIS CITY FOR SALIC. AUCKLAND—VaIuabIe Business Site for Bale, situate in Shortland-stroet, corner of Mills Lano, and immediately between the pro mises of Messrs A. Clark and Song and Byoroft and Co. Torms easy. ALBERT AVKNCE, MOUNT EDEN (2J min ute's from 'baa—A First-class Villa Kesidenco of 6 rooms, new. and finished off in flrst-olaBS stylo; the rooms aro largo and lofty; oup boards, resistor grates, now range; concroto paths uaok and front; white pickot fence in front; grand kitchen gardon all planted, and in tine bearing; stands hiifh, possosaiag the finest viwes in tho Mount Eden district. This is a ohanco seldom met with.—For partiou'ars apply to D. F. Evans. (1071) ALEXANDRA-STREET (top, noar Symonds street, and noar the planted rosorvo)—Com fortable Residence of C roumß, city water, bath, and all convenloncos; a very desirablo property. (152a) BOND-STREET. Aroh Hill-Comfortable* Cot tago of 2 rooms, on allotment 33 x 105; largo stable, good well of water, sldo entrance for express. Price only £150. (1590) BOND-STREET, Arch flill-Freohold Cottage, 4 rooms and sonllery. largo passage, register grate, &o.; gas opposite, and all conveni ences. Prico£27o. (1508) BAYFIELD, Ponsonby—New Verandah Villa of 5 rooms, &c. bay window, register grates; on allotment 10 x 100. Prloo only £275. UU7) BRADFORD-STREET, Parnell—Large Freo hold Allotment, 80 feet frontage, with 6 roomrd Houso thereon. A bargain: price only £350. (1680) BAYFIELD, PONSONBY-Nlco Now Houso of 1 roomß, Boullcry. nice position, froohold allotment; only £250. (1430) COLUCGE ROAD AND GREENWOOD-ST. (CORNERI-Froohold Shop and Dwelling of 0 rooms; allconvouiencos: gas and olty water. Full particulars to D. F. Evans. (IW3) COX STREET, BAYFIELD-2 Nloo Houpos. each 5 and 0 roomB; nicoly finished oIT, and all conveniences. Price £200 and £300. (1017) OHURCH-STRKET- Villa Rosidenoe of 6 rooms, flttod with cupboards, droßsor. register grate, oven, &c.: good well and tank, well-stocked gardon. Prloo, £380. (725) CLARENCE - STREET, PONSONBY — Nico Vorandah Cottage of 4 rooms and soullory; allotment, 40 x 87 ; £270. CAMBRIDGK-Lot 18 ; grand corner allotment, 1 aore. Also, lot 379; valuable aoro sootlon; splondid corner site. (1623) COLLINGWOOD-STRKET — Handsome and commodious Rosidenco of 7 rooms, bath room, &o.: lino position: grand view. (1445) DOCK-STREET, NORTH SHOKE-Freohold Villa Kosidonco of 5 rooms and large scullery: water laid in ; bow window. \ erandtik. and Sorch ; all conveniences, and flniehed off in rat-class etylo. Laißo allotmont, 40 x 132. This is a most desirable frcohold, only two ininutu'ri from wharf. Grand view. Price only £100 DRAKE-STREET (Freeman's Bay)— Commod ious Business Promises; lino position : good Investment. (1495) ELDON-STREET, PARNELL - Comfortable Verandah Cottage of 7 rooms, stable, work shop, &o. in flrst-cloßs ordor; kitchen range, drossor, well, pump, &0., near the bcaoh; price, £150. 1479 FERNLEIGII-STRKKT-3 Verandah Cottages of 3, 4, and 5 rooms respectively. In good order. City water laid In. Prioo, for the three. £500. A good investment, (1102) BEORGE AND RYLE STREETS (comor of)- Very Buporior Houso, beautifully llnished off in cedar and ornamental woods. To bo sold at once: a bargain. 1403 GIBRALTAR CRESCENT (Parnell)-A very Handsome Villa Rosldonco, possessing six flno rooms; rob and water throughout; wußhhouHo and every convenience; free hold allotment, 30 x 100; well drained and planted ; this property is pleasantly situated, commanding a moat oxtonaivo view of tho Domain. 1482 1A MILTON - Splondid Little Farm of 400 acres, mostly subdivided Into paddooks, situate near tho township:good rood, splen did house, flno position. Prloo, only £2,000. (1393) HACKKTT-STRBET (Ponaonby)-Comfortablo Villa, 4 largo rooms, lean-to, &o.; gas and water laid In; nice position, near tho beach. Prioo, £350. UNO) KINGSLAND (2nd Avenue)—Houao of 4 rooms and workshop ; Allotment 40 x 112. Price, £200. MARY-STREET, MOUNT KD3N-Nlce free hold Residence of 5 rooms, pantry, wash house, and fowl houße; all conveniences; heaity ulnce. Price, £450. (18ID) MANNING-STREET (Nowton)-A comfortable Houtio of 6 rooms, litted with Venetian binds, gns. water, otc, eta. £368. (1531) MOUNT EUKN, Epsom Uoad—Comfortable 4 roomod Cottage on largo allotment, 40 x 200; a largo workshop, all conveniences. Price only £210; term* onuy. (1055) MOUNT EDEN, liary-«tro9t-5-roomed Villa Rcsldonce, with pantry, wash-houso, fowl house, &c.; pretty gardon, nico albtireat. Price £150. ' (101?) MOUNT EOKN (opposite Mr Batgor's.and near residence of Professor AldW-Comfortable 7 roonwd Villa; nice hall, overy convenience, woll-flniehod off; pretty place, grand vlow. Price only FMO. (1629) MOUNT EDKN (Owon's;Road)— Protty Villa of 0 rooms, wash-houeo, &c , &c; splondid vol canic allotment .132 x 170. (1517) MOUNT KDKN ROAD, oppoßlto Valley Road - Comfortftblo 9-roomea Villa Restdonoo, &c, appointed with gas and water; grand corner lot (CO x 132); nice position. Prlco £720. (1580) NEWTON ROAD-Two Handsome Villas, just finished; built on tho most improvel design; all conveniences. C rooms and ucullory ; pun to bo seen at D. F. Evans's Office. Prioee, £450 and £475. (1839) NKLSON-STREET-Comfortablo Houso of 8 rooms, bath-room, &0., &o. ; olty water ana gas laid in. £520. (979) NORTH SHORE-Comfortablo VlUaof 9 rooms, wash-house, copper, gas, and all convenien ces. Price, only £850. (IM) NEWTON ROAD—Good Investment; two very nioe Houses; gas and city water la each. Both in first-class ordor and In splendid position, oloae to Karangohape Road. Grand position for shop. (1234) PARK ROAD—Good House of 7 rooms, pleas antly situated; splendid view; largo allot ment. Prioe £650. (1121) PARNELL—ViIIa Residence of 7 rooms, bath room. &c.,&a: wood, coal, and wash-house with boiler and all convenience; allotmont, 66x100. US4B) PROdPEOT TERRACE, off Mount Roekll Road—Several nico Cottages of 4, 5. and 0 rooms; nloe allotment, healthy. From £250. Terms easy. (1563) PKRCIVaL PARADE, PonßOnby-Briok Villa Residence, 6 roomB; good well, regintor gratos, &c.; allotment 44 x MO. Price £320. PONSONBY ROAD, opposite Hepburn-Btroet— Eplondld New Shop and Dwelling of 6 rooms, gas and olty water; allotmont 40 x 105; room to build anothor shop. Price low; terms easy. (1593) PONSONBY — Handsome and Commodious Residence of 9 rooms, bath-room, conserva tory. &0., &o.; out buildings and all con veniences ; allotmont, 132 x 240, fronting two streets. (1634) PUKEKOHE—Good Freehold Corner Allot ment, with Houso of i rooms. Shop, stable, and out-house. (1401) POMPALLJER TERRACE-Vory pretty Cot tage. In splendid ordor; very nice gardon ; allotmont. 60 x 100. Prioo, £350. (1287) PARNELL (Brighton Road)— New House of 6 roomß and workshop, stove, register grate; vorandah side and front: allotment, 60x340. Prioo, £42ii Can bo sold on terms. 1198 PON3ONBY POAD. — Good VUJa Rosidonoe, oloso to tho Franklin Road; quite now ; gas and water; allotment 66 x 100. Price. £1.000. (1186) RBMUERA—Comfortablo Villa of 6 rooms, &c, &c; largo allotment CS x 221, planted, &&, &o £500. (1528) RICHMOND ROAD — Handsome Villa of 7 rooms, fee; kitchen range, copper, &c, &o. Ifreohold). £500. V,, (1233) RYLE-STREKT—Pretty Verandah Villa of 6 rooms. &o.; allotment 66 x 120; a very desirable residence. (1039) BTKWART-BTRBKT, PONSONBY (olose to tram)—A Comfortablo Villa (new) of 6 rooms, &c, well-finished off. fitted up with all con veniences. Prlco only £450 (16311 SUMMER-STREET, PONSONBY-Cottago of i rooms and poroh; register grates, olty water, &o.; erectod on 2 allotment, oaon 40 x 90. 33 x 95. Prlco for tho ot, £3^o. SUMMKR-HTBKET, PONBONBY-Vorandah Cottage of 4 rooms and eoullory; wator laid on. Price only £350, (1624) SPRINO-STRHiiCT. Alma Plaoo. and only ton minutes' walk from G.P.0.—4-roomed Ver rundah Cottage, oity water. Price only £235. (1568) BHKRIDAN-STREET—Comtortablo Houso of 8 rooms. &c.; gas and water laid in; nioe position. Price, £500. (1470) SALE-STREET (Kreomans Bayj-Oottage, i rooms, in good order; cornor allotment; only £320. 1476 SENTINEL ROAD—Handsome Villa Residence of 7 rooms bath-room, &c, &o.j olty water and all oonvenionoos j allotment, 40 x 180. £550. (1650) ALBBRT ROAD, NORTH SHORE—Com fortable 5-roomod Villa Residence, with bay window, soullory. &c,; ill conveniences; a very pretty place; large allotment, SO x 162, VICTORIA-STREET WEST—Shop and Dwel ling of 4 rooms. £450. (1095) VALLEY ROAD, Mount Eden-Grand Build ing Allotments, Bplondid viow, from 80s per foot Terms. 1348 VALLEY ROAD, Mount Eden—Nioe Villa Hoaidoneo of 5 rooms, &o.; gas and water, all convenience, nico plaoo. Price £165. Terms easy. (1688) VIEW AVENUK, MOUNT EDEN-New Villa Residence of 5 rooms, and outbuild ings ; scoria soil, and good position. Oply em. '1097> VBRMONT-STREET—Commodious and oom fortable Villa Rosidonce of flvo rooms, wash house, oollar, &o.j city wator and every con venience : eood allotment Very chean. VINCENT-STREET (CITY)-Corao Villa, a very handsome villa residence of 5 rooms, ex clusive of pantry, bath, wash-house, and eheds; gas and olty water; flrstclaas position; alwais let—Full particulars D. F. Evans. (1630) WHITE-STREET (CITY) just off Upper Queen street—A Comfortable 4-roomed Cottage; nice allotment; oity water, all conveniences. £300. (1631) WELLINGTON-STREET—Very nice Cottage of 4 rooms, &o; large workshop ; all convent onoee. Prioo only £300. (1623) WALLAUK-STREET, PONBONBY-A vory nice House, of 6 rooms, gas and water laid on and every convenience, and out-houso, about 3 minutes walk from tho tram, and 200 yards from the Home Bay Wharf. (1505) WYNDHAMSTREET, jnstatcornerof Albert street; grand sito j fine allotment, with old cottages now standing. For BUILDINB ALLOTMENTS, RURAL LANDS, and Farms, ace separate advertisements. D. F. BVA NB, HOUSK, LAND, AND KSTATK AGENT. AUCTIONEER, &O. Land Mabt— Qwfßas-Brßxxt, mar Bank or



SAMDKL VAILB.] UOHN DOUGLAS. V aili & Douglas (Late Samubl Vailh SHORTLAND-&TREBT (Next thb Poii-omioi) BANKERS: Bank of New south walks. (See also our advertisement in " N.Z. Herald" and "Weekly News.") MORTGAGES BOUGHT. Comfortable and convenient Cottage of i rooms, in Nauior-Btroet, wltkin 10 minutes walk of Queen-Btreot; all in good order, nioe garden, etc It to offered ohoap, as the ownor Is leaving tho colony. AUotment, 32 x 89.- Vailii and Douglas, Land and Kstate Agenta, Bhortland-stroot , .. IBS/„ £650.-One Acre and Villa Keßiaence of 7 rooms, dairy, all well finished and in good order; garden tastofully Hid out large cistern, etc; within half an hour's walk of city, and oloso to railway and 'bus.-Valle and Douglas, Land and Estate Agents, Shortland-Btreet^ FARM of 120 Acres of rich land, close to town (12 miles), with every convenience for carrying on farming on remunerative prin ciples ; hedges all in good order; stables, oow houßea. shod, barn, otc. The land Is of the very oholcest description, and has a good metalled road to iho gate. Price A&00O: easy terms of payment may be made.-Vaile and Douglas, Land and Estate Agenta, Bhortland street ~ . IM7 Villa Residence of 8 rooms, Onehungo, with largo garden, fruit treeß, &0,. command ing beautiful view, and dose to 'Bus and Railway; £SOO.-Vailo & Douglas, Land and Estate AKontß. Shortland-street , Handy Little Form of 20 Acre?, all in cul tivation, orchard, grass, and orops, within 10 miles of Auckland, 2J miles from Railway Station ; has oharnjing viow of surrounding country, and is very suitable for a man with small oapltaL Price. fiSW.-Valle ft Douglas, Land and EBtftte Agenta, Shortland-street. ilKn COUNTRY STORE, doing a good business, and 0 aores of land; partioulartr, etc. from the undesigned. Price for land and buildings, «460 including fixtures; stock at valuation.— Vaile and Douglas, Land and Estate Agonta, BEAUTIFULLY SITUATED VILLA B TK, of S Aoros. near Kllerslle on the Main Sout¥ Road, volcanic soU. afiOd-Vallo and Douglas, Land and Estate Agonta, ShorUand stroot ,_, ,„ "** . Good Inveetment.—Shop ond Dwelling let to a good tenant on lease, having abont 2 years to run, at 32s Od per week, in a locality .rapidly rising in value ; all in good ordor; allotment 88x107. Prioe, HB6O. UH3, TO LET, a Very Desirablo Family Resi dence in Brighton Road, Parnell. containing 7 rooms, bath-room, soullery. pantry, wash houao ooalhouso, &o.; large garden and or chard; rent moderate.-Apply Vallo & Doug las Land and Estate Agenta. Bhortland-street. TO LET, a Large Shop with three rooms ; also, Large Dry Collar, having a soparate en trance from two streets. Shop can be let with out oollar if desirod. Situation excellent, being central for oither a Bhop or for offices.— Apply Valle & Douglas, Land and Estate Agents. Shortland-Btroot TO LET, Houses at tho North Shore, near the wharf. Rental. 11s to Ida per week.- Apply Valle & Douglas, Lund and Estate Agents. Shortland-Btreet £350.—F0r Sale, a Country Store, with Post office. This sore is doing a good general business, wbloh can be easily oxtended.-Vallo & Uouklob, Land and Estate Agents, Short land-Btroot (ICTl) , £450-Well-built Dwelling House, contain ing 6 rooms and bath-room, all well finished and flttod throughout; also, Iront and back vorandah, outbuildings, etc: together with lOJotmont 40 x 123. Situated near the New markot Railway Station.-Valle & Douglas, Land and Estate Agents, Shortland-stroett 1623 £1,600.—T0 INVESTORS—For Sale, that Valuablo Freehold Property In Queen-street, known as Stain's Bulldinga The allotment has a frontage to Queen-street o 127 feet by a dopth of 88 foot The buildings are very sub stantially orooted, and with a view to conver sion Into two tonomontaeaoh consisting of a arae shop basoment, and 8 dwelling rooms. —Vallo and Douglas, Land and Estate A«ents, Shortland-street Ifi9» £500—Two 4-roomed Housoa, with 4 scree of first-class land In four paddooks, This property is situated in the flourishing town of Kihlkiht, and would form a comfortable homo lor anyone with a small income. Terms very easy-—Valle and Douglas, Land and Estate Agents. Shortland-streot ,1 sB9, TO LET, Bevetal Houses at the North Shore.—Vallo and Douglas, Land and Kstate BU?LDitNG° rALLOTMENTS, NEWTON, 6 lots eaoh, 2 of thorn having frontages of SO foot by a dopth of 110 feet and the others front agoa of 10 foot by same dopth. Prioo low, and torms easy, as may be arranged.—Vallo and Douglas. Land and Batata Agenta, next the Post-offloe. Shortland-etreet ltnx £540—Good Investment. For Sale, Two Houses of flvo rooms eaoh, and one ot three rooms, all detached, together with Freehold Allotment situated within 15 min utes' walk of the Poot-otllco forms easy.— Valle and Douglaa, Land and Estate Agenta, Bhortland-Btroot 1671 £8 per aero. 42 aoroa Oi Good Land, within 2 minutes walk ot Howlok church and sohooL Terms as agrood.—Valle and Douglas, Land and Estate Agent' Shnrtland-stroot 1571 SUI! KEY HILLS. SURREY HILLS. CIIOIOS LOT". fine vr«v>. HEALTHY SITOATION. SURREY HII J/». ntAU-UARS PASS KVERY 10 MINUTE& One filth Ca«h, balance any time within Five Yi'oi-.'. iuHtalnioiiia received. Office : Siiokti.and street. A. BOARDMAN, Agent WH. PATTERSON'S • HOUSE RELIEF. A Ckbtaist Curb FOR WOUNDS OR SPRAINS IN MAN OR BKABT. Prioe. 3s Gd per bottle. To be obtained anywhere. TESTIMONIALS: Dbah Sir,—l beg to say that having used Mr W. H. Patterson's Horse Relief for sore boot™ and sprains after a heavy day's work, It icavo me tho utmost satisfaction, and I can highly recommend It to any person owning a good horeo —T. A. Brown, Huntsman, P.HC., The Kennels, Otahuhu, Oct. Ist, 1885. Dear Sißj—l hereby oerttfy that Mr \V. H. Patterson's Horse Rellof is the bostot tho kind I have over used.—W. Pottbb, Coach Pro prietor. Dear Sir,—Having had a bod oase of a horse putting his shoulder out, loallodupon Mr W.H. PdttoKon, who made a most successful ouro, and the horse Is now in working order.—Yours, &c. Alex. McLkan, Papaknra. Deo. 5.1885. Testimonials also received from Woodyear and Ron", Australian Circus; Mr R. Row, Wholesale and Retail Merohant, Auckland. FALLWKLL AND SON. AQKNTS, OTAHUnU AND PAPAKURA. PIANOS I I JUST I "piANOSI I LANDED. I XT Also, Pianos of our Own Manufacture. Messrs THOB. H. WEBB and CO.. ot Oak Houso, Hobson-etreet, and of Vlow Road, Mount Kden, Manufaoturors of Pianofortes, Harmo niums, &0., established in Anokland In 1869, and in London in 1847. Every Instrument sold with guarantee, on terms to suit purchasers. All kinds of lnstrnmonts taken In Exchange; also thoroughly Repaired at tho Factory. Mt. Kdnn, Purohapera aro Invited to inspect the splendid and varied stock of Instrument*) to be seen at Oak Honse. Prices from 615 to £90. N.B.—No othor DepOt. Musio Pnplla taken as usual. Also,^Private Classroom for Teaohers'nse, or Papilsilte Practise in. TJIDV7ABD BAIiTLHY, ARCHITECT, ■TICHBURY'a BUILDINOfI, QUKHjr-BTREBT. gOUSB AND GENERAL DECORATIVB ESTABLISHMENT. 18, WYNDHAM-STREET. IS. NOTICE O7 REMOVAL. J. Henderson, In thanking his nnmerona ollonta and the publio generally tor their past liberal favours, has much pleasure In Informing them that he has Removed to more Extensive Premises (two doors above old shop), where he trusts to merit a oontlnnanoe ot their patronage. J. HENDERSON, WYNDHAM-STBBBT. U. NOW READY. pONSUMPTION OF THB LUNGS, 'dkclinb ,nd a^successful Showing that formidable disease to be curable In all Kb stages, with observations on Coughs, Asthma., Chronio Bronohltls, &o. BY GEO. THOS. CONGRBVB, Ot Peckham. London. &B. SizpENOZ. Post Free, Kiohtpbnob. Published by UPTON fe Co., Booksellers, Auckland, N.Z., And may be ordered of any Bookseller, vr KB.-2SO,QQO SOU) W BN«X4jn>



DOLL SHOW AT THE FORTH COMING FANCY FAIR. held at the Fancy Fair in February next. Dolls Wbe sent in to Mrs Greenwoodon.or■ bof ore the Unit fln.tr nf February next. All Uollßleenr, in TO bfglvtn?sr thVboneflt of the Fair. Dolto w 1» ju&ed by a committee of well-known ladies, ladies wishing to compete for the prize are requested to send in their names to Mrß R.. C. Casef prettily lined or pa intedto.hold one.small animal or pair of such, Soreons, Fruit, Flowers, S? any o&Sr article to be sold at the Fair. Mra Greelnwood would also bo very grateful to any lady or gentleman who would kindly lend any Curios Paintings, or other ortioles to be Bhown toS?i£SSSiD at the Fair. Anything 80 lent will be especially taken care of by berselL Any. Sdy or gonSeman. or boy or girl, willing to glv© any article whatsoever for tho benefit of the. Fair who wmUndly forward his or her name to MnGmnwNd. wUI greatlyobli ? e, andrecei v» eternal graUtude and a tioket of admission to the Fair free of oharge. pAPBRHANOINQB. W. PHILLIPPa ft SON HJIVB BKOKIVBD. XX. LATB ABMVAUS 186-P AOK AG B S-186 1 OONTJUNINO 68,000 BOLLS OF PAPBRHANGIMQB, oonsistino or NSW PATTERNS ■v, Drawing. Dining, Bed-rooms, Hall aad BUUroaeo; itatabl" for the Mftntlon m "^ Cottage. 910-PACKAQBS-916 i 80RIMB AND HBSBI AN » PLATE AND BHBHT GLASS, wtux*' oaa, torpb. vari^shkb, jEjSb AIX TRADE BUNDMKB. If, PHILLIPPB » BOW, j IE kXD 87. QCMK-SDRIBB } A-« AND G. PrIOI, ENGINEERS, BOILKRMAKBRS, IRON AND BRABB FOUNDERS, AND OKNEIiAL MACHINISTS, THAMES, Hare foe aide the following Maotateery l l Portable Engine, by Horniby & Co., 8 b.p. 1 Boriiontal Engine, double oylbriw, Wm, dlAmetor, Uin. stroke 1 Horixontal Engine, lOin. by 18tn. stroke 1 Launch Engine, <iln. by Sin. stroke 1 Multitabnlar Boiler, 17ft long by 6ft. dUmetot 1 Cornish Boiler, 20ft 16ng by 6ft diameter 1 Cornish Boiler, 18ft long by 6ft. diameter 1 Cornish Boiler, 17ft long by 4ft (iin. diameter 1 Cornish Boiler, lfift long by 6ft diameter 1 Cornish Boiler, 16ft. long by Ift. 61n. diameter I Vertical Boiler, Field tubea, 7ft x 3ft lln. i^bw A, quantity of woond-bJAd OtartaKOcattw nut. btUutei supplied for all dosses ef B«lHrt« Work.—Mukora of Sawmill and Qoartß- ; onwbinß Maohlnery, Turbine WheeU, By dranllo Machinery, Timber Jaeka, and Patent Baletr OaWMa lot Wankewe and othw UW Qmm JB, BLAIKIB, • VICTOUIA-BTREKT, IMPORTER OF BUILDERS' & FURNISH ING IRONMONGERY ! Direct from Manufaotuikm, ■ Has tor Sale, at Low Ratoa- Carpenters' Tools Nans, Looks, Hlngoi Kitchen Ranges ; Register Grates, In great Variety Marble and enamelled Blate Mantelpiece* Largest Stock in Auckland Marble, Electroplate, Curb, and other Fender* . Galvanized Iron, Sheet Lead, and Zinc Blate, Cement, and Plaster INSPECTION rNVTrBDi IELBON,MOATE«Co.'b SPECIALTY 21 I I — I I I BLEND. BRANOHES: AUCKLAND, DVNEDIN, CHBIST CHUKCII, WELLINGTON, 1601 QUEBN-ST., AVCKLANB. AQKNTB KVEBYWEEKKK. THE NEW ZEALAND GOVBENMENI LIFE INSURANCE ASSOCIATION. This Association 1b the Only Office which POBBBB6KB GOVEKNMBNT SECURITY and proffers to the public the combined advantages of Mutual Lifr Abbubanck Lowest Premiums Inviolable State Ouakanteb, AMOUNT OF FUNDS. After IB years' existence, the Offloe nas now ACOUMULATBD FUNDS exceeding ONK MILLION Sterling. Kunris In Juno, 1875 £109867 Funds in June, 1880 £459,335 Funds In 1885, over.. .. £1,000,000 AnjuaUnoomeexoeeds .. £245 000 The Association offers the most Liberal Conditions extant Branches In all the principal Towns In the oolfiny, and Agenoies at all the Money Order Post offloes in tho colony. LOANS ON MORTGAGE. The Association 1b now prepared to Invest Bart8 art of its Accumulated Funds as LOANS ON lORTGAGE of Freehold Linds In the Colony at MODE HATE RATES OF INTEREST, fc tho extent of half the value of tho Beourity offered. Applications for Loans of not less than £360 to be addressed to the Acting General Manager, Wellington. Printed Forms of Application can he obtained «t the Head Office, and at the Offices of the District and Resident Agents. By Order. D. M. LUCKIK. Head Office. Welling? G6nOTel MaDB«W- July, 1883. NELBON, MOATE&Qo/a CELEBRATED CHALLENGE i j mm rTrryi j\ BRINK NELSON, MOATE & CO.'S CELEBRATED PURE BLENDEB TEAS.



RINGER BBWTNG MAGHINBH, Sales Id 1882 !53,292 M»ohlno«, „ 1881 561,036 „ Ijjobkasi. —42,26». IS. THREE OUT OF EVEKY FOUR MA OHINKa SOLD IN THR WORLD AP SINGER'S. UPWARDS OF THREE HUNDP.BD FIRST PRIZES 1! ! AND AS OHRIBTCHURCH EXHIBITION TWO GOLD & TWO SILVER MEDALS, To be obtained at PER 2/6 WEEK PER 2/6 WBBK Only ax 261, Qubbn-strbkt, Auckland, beware of german and other IMITATIONS. UNGBR BBWIKG MACHIfIM. W. C. DENNES, TMPORTER of SEWING MACHINES, 1 BICYCLES, TRICYCLES, PIANOS, ORGANS, and HARMONIUMS, for Cash or Deferred Payments. - ITdND MACHINES. HOME SHUTTLE «S 10 0 PEERLESS WHITE 4 0 0 FItISTER & UOSSMAN (with cover) 5 8 0 NEW DAVIS VERTICAL FEED ..560 DOMESTIC 4 4 0 WKRTiIKIM 4 10 « TREADLE MACBINEB. WHITE (without cover) .. .. _ 610 0 WHITE (with cover and leaf) .. .. 710 0 DOMESTIC (with leaf) 6 10 0 NEW DAVIS VERTICAL FEED .. Jl7 I W. C. DENNES, Qukkk Street. CHRISTCHURCH. If M PROOF POSITIVE. At the N. Z. Interna tional Exhibition of 1882 f Nklson, Moate & Co.'B j Colebrated Pure Blended Teas wore acknowledged by three judges tho beat by pence per lb., but owing to an irregularity o frivolous protest was entered. Nelson, Moate & Co. threw up the award (although not compulsory) and chal lenged the opposing Com pany for another teat: consequently a Special Committee was called, and tho teas taken out of tho different cases by Mr. Twopenny to be >» . wrapped in plain papers i-i g (N. 51. &Co.'s conditions) S q to bo sent to an- expert M W appointed by the Com- t1 <& mittoe ; but the said B> £> Company fearing their i^ Q teas would not stand O another test their prices ' wero reduced Sd. por lb., sothcComm ttecdecided that in spite of tho ir regularity tboy wee thoroughly convinced, from t lie separate eviden ces of the juror, that tho first teat wus moat severe and impartial. Although N.M.&Co. wero competing with scented mixtures, flavoured with artificially scented tcas, a . Gold & Silver, Mcda l was awarded to them. Prices : 8/-, 2/4, 2/8, 3/-, 3/4, ft 4/- NELSON, MOATE & CO Ask your Grocer for N. M. & CO.'S TEAS & c a WELLINGTON. 3HOOTING SEASON, 1885. GUNS!! GUNS 11 GUNS! I D. EVITT, GUNMAKKR, 254, QUEEN-BTREET, AUCKLAND. The advertiser having a very laree Stock of Suns, both Breeeoh-loading and Muzzle-load ng. has re-marked them at a considerable UEDUCTION FOR CASH. 4 s. d. Single-barrel Suns from .. ... 0 17 fl Double-barrel Guns from .. ..800 llouble-barrel B.L. Guns from .. 415 0 Stnglo-barrel B.L. Guns from ..500 Onrtis and Harvey's Best Quality Diamond,GraiiiGunpowder.. 4s 6d per lb. FFF CJunpowdor 3s Od „ Shot 0s sjd n Cartridge Cases, 12 guago, 6s, 6s. and 7a par 100. Kvkhy Otrer Kind of Bhootins Material Equally Cheap. KLaya central fibe cartridges, 12 gnage, loaded with the New E.O. Powdor. BUNWORK OF EVERY DESCRIPTION DONE PROMPTLY AND EFFICIENTLY. IMPORTER OF PAIN'S CELEBRATED FEREWORKS. D. EVITT, GUNMAKER AND IMPORTER, 254 — Qubkn-stbkkt, Adobxand, — 554 Wholesale and Retail. CVSend for Price LIBT& y Thos. J, Harbutt, ' ■ IlAinnrAOiußiß o* CORN BROOMS, B£g2£» nUD»JKAPAI}IIAHK: TELEPHONE N0...C2. IIfRS DOWN has -LTJL just received a KMSfKNSEU Beloct Assortment of WE£\\l!msm stay material, in ev«ry variety andjcolour. IS Mr BTAYSLOORSETS, jfij IBL Upon the latest improve mMlM I Ham Country ordera ptmotu- M II 111 . „ J^y B>,tcnd C d to, ■|l Km M All pVceid sent post free. I Br^ MRS DOWN, Btay and Coreot-makei" Upper Hobnon-wtreat. W O R^ S A" L B, -Ai LOWEST Mabkkt Ratbsi Rosin, Pitch, and Tar Kerosene, Paint, and Olive Oils Champion's, Soott's, and Storer'B Genuine White Lead, in wood Muntz Metal and Nails Largo Stock of Canvas, various brands Wire Rope, from ij inoh to 4 inoh Bolt Rope, Hemp, and Manilla Rope, all Patent Windlass (wood), Frills, and Palta Anohors. from 18 owt. to 10 lbo. Chains, from i inoh to 1 Inoh. Colza and Fish Oil. D. H. MOKB NZI B, ■OBT-BTMWI. MANUFACTURERS O» STBARINB CANDLES, COMMON AND TOILET SOAPS, iUBRICATINQ AND OTHER OILS. WORKS-ST. ANN'B BRIDGE. PBNROBE. Dub PoiahaMn ot Tallow.



MATHEMATICAL A Nn W.«- ' ' ALWAYS IN~BTOCir Spactaoles ana Eyeglass™ «• Telescopes, Binocular Fkld fflS Blectrio Belle, Batterie ß rMdfe m*«" Maßnotlo and Galvanic mSi.i'WW Magio Untorns and aad^&^Waet 3tereoßoopes and Slides MXii I'Wll fl«l steam Gnaßes and Tu^iShSSP? - ■ Amateur PhotogtaphioCame^om"«» Belf-re^terln^Udo^^ INSTBrjMENTS » mv iIND OPPOSITE THJTpQSt-OWin. ' KKATING'S POWDER KEATINU'S POWDER KKATING'S POWDER KILLS BUGS PLBiB MOTHS This Powder is Quite HahSm— > mallife,but Is unrivalled tadeSSS^Zl* bugs, cookroaoheß, beetieß, mothiiiS Jffs, jMV every other Bpeclea of insect. SnortmSr'Ss i tod this invaluable for <Teßtr«VlnK ffMS doge, as also ladles for their pet flora. tothel* this Article has Found bo oleim . » that it has tempted othersU rrtiifj^ artlole In imitation. The Pablto aw O»S^S that the tins of the ■mnSnVSa^Sr*S2?ffi axitogranh of THOMAS ffitmSf Usr "* BCBATING'S WORM TABLKTB HEATING'S WORMTABLffiM appearanceand taste,fnnjkhine amniivS. 18 ablemeUiod of adminkarfngffie ■SffiST '' remedy for INTESTINALoriWftWS WORMS. It to a PerfeoUylafeSaS^g paratlon, and ia especially adapted tor nhiuS? Sold in Tins by aU ChemL^dfiniSrt?1 *11' Proprietor i THOMAS KBAmCIS2«, QTEEDMAN'S SOOTHING POWDEBi CHILDREN CUrriNG TKBTH, CAUTION TO PDBOHABEBS. The value of this weU-knewnFamily Midi""., has been largely.tested in all narurftheH? and by all grades of society, for nmniidiS fifty yearb. IU well-earned eifflversfi has induced spurious iMiTAUosSTBoiMrf Which in OUTWARD APPKAKANOg «( X^ resemble theorlg Jial as to have decdvedtß purchasers. The proprietor, therefore, fedfi due to the publio to rive a (pedal mX ' apainst the use of such imitations. *"•«» ; •.... Purchasers are therefore requested oantnir ; to observe the four following dtainottoffl. ~ aotenstics, without which none are wmlm^ lßt-In every case the words Jobs ss£ man, Ohkmist, Walworth, Store?, aiito. graved on the Government Stamp affixed ft each packet. w 2nd—Each Single Powder has direoHoiuto the dose, and the words John BteedmM •• Chomist, Walworth, Surrey. printedUiewM^., ■ 3rd—The name Steedman is always ipeltirtft , 4th—The manufacture Is curled on sold? in Walworth, Surrey. ™ r Sold in Packets by all Chemists and Uedidiu Vendors, at Is ljd to 2s 9d each. ™™™» Agents: Kkmpthobne, Probseb ahd Co. Auckland, Wellington, Chriiitchureh. im' ' Dunedia. ™" , . •? - DR. J. COLLIS BROWNE'S CHLOKODXNU. ° . THB OBIOIKAL and OHLY OINDMfc Advico to Invalids.-]! you wiih to obtiti quiet, refreshing deep, free from he&dioK relief from pain and anguish, tooalmandunun" * the weary achisgs of protracted SiaeuTl* vigorato the nervous media, and'nmJitatii ■■< circulating systems ofthe body, yon vlll'tMTiSi yourself with that marvellous remedj ffl» oovered by Dr. J. Collis Browne (taUjtaM Medic.il Staff), to which ho gave the uSS OHLORODXNK, andwhiohlsadmlttedbrtS ! profession to be the most wonderful and Tilo aole romody ever discovered. CHLOROU YNE U the beet remedy knomte Coughs. Consumption, Bronchltla, Atthntt. UHLOnODYNKaatslikeaoharminDUtrhai. and is the only Bpeciflo in Cholera md DjSS tery. caLORODYNB effeotually cnti ihort in ' attacks of Epilepsy, Hysteria, Palpitation, ud Spasms. ■ . .•-,.' CULORODYNK is the only palHltirt b Neuralgia, Hheumatlsm, Gout, Oanoer, toKS ache, Meningitis, &o. From Symes & Co., PharmaceutioalOlMimlrt, Medical Hall. Simla, January 6,1880. Tol.E Davenport, Eaq.. 33, Great Ruwell-ti ,et, Bloomabury, London. Dear Sir, - Weeataw : thta opportunity of congratulating jounpotitlii widespread reputation this jus lr «neuwl modicine, Dr. J^Coliis Browne's Ch!o^odyn^hu earned for itself, not only in HindoftM, bat all ovortheßaat. As a remedy for general ottlli we much question whether a better it importM into the country, and we shall be glad to ceuof its finding a plaoa in every Angln-ladUnhom). The/>ther brands, we arei'iappy tosar, a»no» ; . ■• relenated to tho native bazaars, and, jaddit|; '{ from their sale, we faDcy tbeir Bc^oorn tEen :. will be but. ovanesoont. We could multiplyuK: Btanoes ad inrinitum ot the extrtorouurf :;i efllcaoy of Dr. Collis Browne's Ohlorodjm in Diarrhoea, and Dysentery, Spaamn, Ortmi* Neuralgia, tho Vomiting of Prtgnanoy, tmdui general sedative, that have oocurred nnflMoni SereonAl observation during many ywn. In holeralc Diarrhcua, and even is tha; mm terrible forms of Cholera itself, we tat witnessed its surprisingly oontrouißK'pomr, Wo have never used any othor form of thlimedl olne than Collie Browne's, from ftflrffl toil* tion thatit is decidedly the best, and aliiofrost sense of duty we owe to the profession wdflu Dublic, as we are of opinion that thesubedlaßoi of any other than Collis Browno'j it iot < LIBERATE BREACH OF FAITH ONMUUPABtW TBK OHKMIST TO PRESCRIBE AND PttnDfl alike. We ore. Sir, faithfully y<raM,Bj»M4 Co.. Members of the Pharm. Bodety of fell Britain, His Kioellency the Vlo«roy'a ChaiiMi. CAUTION.-Vloe-ChsnoeUor Sit W. P»W Wood stated that Dr. J. Colllj Browne wit undoubtedly, tho Inventor of Cfllon>ayne;ft« the story of the defendaat Freem»n nai* Überatoly untrue, whloh, he resiretted to W, had been Bworn to.—See "The Times," JoljrU, Bold in bottles at Is lid. 2s 9d, it 6d,ud!U each. None is genuine without the wows "Dr. J. Collis Browne's Chlorodyne" on tie Oortrß ment stamp. Ovarwhelming medictltartusOT tooompanies each bottle. ; >< ■! *« Oauflnn.—Beware of Piracy and Imitoto Bole Manufaoturer-J. T. DAVENPORT, »t Grout Russoll-atreet, Bloomaborj, London. SCOTT'S EMULSIOK OF PURE COD LIYEB Oil And Hypophosphites of Lime and S«& ALMOST as PALATABLE uJUSI Poißessing the combimd Tif% °f these two valaaHeremediesmthelrfnUajJ degree. More easily digested antt MBiml« ' lated than in the ornd« form, «»» especially desirable for «*«# wasting children and penon» mw feeble digestive power, and at .■■:•, A REMEDY FOR CONSBMFnONj A REMEDY FOR WASTING DISEIBBS OF CHILDREN, A REMEDY FOR SCROFULA, , • A REMEDY FOR ANiEHHAINDCKII' ERAt DEBILITY, A REMEDY FOR COUGHS. >C0LI», AND THROAT AFFECTIOSS, In faot,- all diseases where there "to ta . Inflammation of the Thront andLirotf,!, , WASTING OP THE FLESH, «?«,.•, WANT of NERVE POWER, nothing in mi world equals this palatable Emulsion. . .' »It is prescribed and endoi.ed WJ?J., i; fceßt physicians in the various oonnWaoi tho world, who will attest thßtelK» For solo by all CbemiaCs. ''pELBGRAPH LLNB 01 COACHM. IMPORTANT NOTICBTO TOUWSTB ANDOTHKB& „*. W. K. Carter begs to announce>gj«»'JJ Jffl..." Sinirlo Faros. £116s ,• or Re^JK?1» *™, ablo for one weok sfter date of laroe. $Z iO bm All Passenßers to be Booted »t IM-""" ] before leaving ' _ _j ty , WnarlMMiri'-■ Bugßies and Saddle Horses, f^f^'fflS arivera. to order on the shortwtnoUoft,«J" by Telegram or Letter prompflr«WM WP> Cumbridee, Jfwuarv 2S. iSt ■■ _v ~.■ Passengers Booked at H. H. Har* W* <**' fflgh-wtreet. Anokland __-J-^-< OOYAL MAIL ™ OF «W0B» ALTKBATION"oFWMI>TABI* : Ihe Royal MaU Ooaoh (pan^ntwjjwg^ wlU,«on and aftor 6th October, '^rtntfl fiirthor noiioe, run to me ion' ■ ■ ■ "l^oCambrldge for Hamlltoa^°Js txW a war Station dally at S.l& fwffl Station to Cambridge on arrival« i™» Auckland. •_,«,« m MW4W? Leave Hamilton for Te i"iZ^ l ia^i ' Wedneadaj'B, and Fridays o£*Ft7ajw* ■•? »om Auokland: I »* hlng theao'olock' TrainatHanl"*" tor AuoMand, md Uite-Btreets^brid^^^p^ Ctmbrtdjw. October' 1883. ■•^a'^.: Passengew Bootad »» & »•; **&*? ' . High-street, Aooklond. ,r >j ' - 1