SANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamiei,.]

f=<MV,e write, a neighbour's name to lash, tv.nio write—vain tliuiitfhl!—i'ur needful cauli, Some write to pluiuu the country elaah. And raise a iliu. For mi, an aim I never faf.li— 1 write for fun.

Cue ■-... ies should have one good friend at least in the House of Peers presently, to wit, His Excellency the Marquis of Normanby, wh > gave uk another glimpso of his beaming countenance on Tuesday last a sad reinindor that his gracious presence will nevormoro lendlustre totwopenny galas and colonial feeds. The Marquis can tell his august brethren what pleasant clover patches lie on this sido of the Lino for titled mediocrity, whoso ostates need rest. He came to New Zealand from Queensland, bin leaving the money drawn from that colony out of count, and reckoning only his New Zealand and Victorian forms, he must carry home a very comfortably tilled stocking. He was in Now Zealand just live years, and received t'7,r>OO a-year with free house accommodation and sundry extras. At an outside calculation his expenses were not more than l"1,000 a-year, leaving a not balance of i'-t.fiOO, or £22,500 saved on tho term. In Victoria he has drawn £10,000 a-ycar and perqui sites for four years, Reckoning his ex penses at t'5,000 a-ycar, wo have another £20,000 in tho stocking. t'4-',500 saved in nine years, and a jolly life all the time, in the enjoyment of a perfect sine cure is a very eweet thing even for a Marquis. His Excellency in the nine year.*' sorvico has drawn just £77,500 in cash from the pockets of colonial taxpayers, withatleast a fourth as much more in other expenses. and what on earth has he done for it ? Vet among tho sycophantic crowd who profess to represent, the interests of tho proletariat in the colonial Parliament, there is not courage enough to attack this extravagance that was born of tho era of Vogelian job bery. The Prime Minister of England only receives £5,000 a year ; the Speaker of the House of Commons, 12,000 ; the Com mander-in Chiof of tho British Army, £6,632; tho President of the United States, £10,000 ; and his Secretary of State (tho greatest officer of the Republic after the President), f 1,600. Members of our own Cabinet, who do the real work of Govern ment, are satisfied with £1,500 a year; and the Judges of the Supreme Court the same amount : yet the colony goes on paying absurdly extravagant salaries for titled nobodies, whoso only perceptible mis sion is to set the classes in tho community by tho ears, and give an official stamp to snobbery ; and who then, having hoarded up largo sums of money, take their (light like Chinamen to upend it elsewhere Sir William .lervois is the only one among the recent Governors in Australasia who has won distinction in the sorvioe of the Empire, and who can therefore claim to havoearned his otiico by other means than powerful personal influences with the Colonial Oftico.

" Zamiel" doo3 not lay claim to the possession of any of that " mystical loro " which is said to descend upon those who are in the sunset of life ; but he not {infre quently can give a clue to coming events, which, easting their shadows before, are perceived by his penetrating eyo, and chronicled by his rambling pen. Incipient tragedies in domestic life, which the veil of futurity hides from the general gn/.0. are thug known, and can be dimly shadowed forth in this column. One such ease has just come to my knowledge. The sword of Damocles is impending over the head of a certain Auckland hotelkeeper, and if he does not in the interim drown himself or tlo " the Pacific slope '" there will shortly be food for more than nine days' gossip for the scandal-loving public. Tho history which has led up to tho present crisis is a sad record of demoralisation and wrong. The hotelkeepor referred to is a nativo of Cale donia, and though tho sons of that stern and wild region have the reputation of being faithful husbands, this proved to be an exception to the rule. His lawful wife was left behind in "nuld Scotland" while he pushed his fortune in thi-i colony, and in course of time she was completely deserted. Then, as time wont on, tho faithless hus band cast his eyes upon another, who reciprocated his unholy passion with a passion more debasing still. For she ■was wedded to a man whom sho had vowed to " love, honour, and obey;" and her vows, her womanhood, and her self-respect sho enst aside at tho call of the tempter, and went off as the paramour of the publican. Her husband, having failed in inducing her to return to him, in stituted proceedings for divorce, and proof being clear, the marriago tie was loosed. All this happened long ago, and the circum stances have been so obscured by the rapid revolutions of the wheel of lifo that most people will find a difficulty in re membering the course of events. After the lapse of some time, the divorced wife was led to the altar by him who had alienated her affections ; she was recognised (and still is) as his lawful wife ; and the couple settled down to the pursuits of dram-selling and money-making.

All this while, however, the hotelkeeper was haunted by the knowledge that he had committed bigamy ; for his wife in Scotland was neither dead nor divorced from him, though he calculated upon enjoying im munity from disturbance from that quarter. But Nemesis, though he sleep, will awake. Quite recently the wronged Scotch lassie learned that her husband had contracted a guilty alliance in New Zealand, and she de termined upon punishing him. She con trived—by what means I know not, nor does it matter—to get into communication with the man whom the hotelkeeper had robbed of his wife; and these two deserted wife and deserted husband— animated by a common and righteous wrath against the guilty pair, have planned to spring a mine upon the ■wreckers of their happiness. Assisted by her New Zealand correspondent, the wronged wife intends coming out from Scotland and laying an information for bigamy against her husband. The bolt is now about ready to descend, and if the guilty pair do not take alarm and abscond to parts unknown, it will overwhelm them in financial ruin, and social and moral degradation. Humour (busy jade !) whispers that there are grosser considerations than the abstract idea of justice operating in the case of one at least of the instruments of vengeance. Tho wronged husband, it is said, is ambitious of shining behind an hotel bar, and has with wise forethought secured a promise from the brewer who " backs up" the hotelkeeper that he will place the avenger in the shoes of the one upon whom vengeance is to be executed. This may read like an Eastern tale, but I am assured it is strictly ar.d literally true. The dramatic effect would be complete, and the poetic justice truly typical, if these plans should all be executed, if the Scotch wife should then secure a divorce from her husband, ar/d if she and her partner in wrong and in revenge should "get married for sympathy!"

From Sydney I also hear of two notable divorce causes, the particulars of which have not yet got publicity through the courts of law and the daily newspapers. The nature of these I will briefly indicate, for the parties are all moving in tho highest circles of colonial society, and will be known to not a few in Auckland. In one case, a well-known barrister of the New South Welsh capital is accused of marital faith lessness with a. lady of good position, and bis wife intends bringing an action for

divorce. Tho gentleman ill this case has, I hear, a taint 'of convict blood, and lias been in tvowble formerly. In the other case, a potfnl&f and esteemed bank manager sues for viivorce from his wife. The co respondent is an eloquent and beloved High Church parson of Sydney, and tho flutter which will be caused by the revelations in this oaso promises to rival that which was evoked by the great Beochei: Tilton scandal in America. Should tlio allegations be substantiated. Bishop Barry will have an unpleasant duly to perform very soon after his assumption of the position of Primate of Australia.

An interesting and romantic story is tick ling society just now ; I vouch not for its accuracy, but tell it just as it came to me, thuxly: An erudite gentleman who had long steeled his heart against the tender passion and wedded himself to abstruse studies, was wont to amuse himself with the classical ignorance of the Miss of the period, and occasionally indited amorous epistles in (ireck to blushing damsels, who after poring over them as thoy would over a Chinese puzzle, usually threw them away in vexation as a rellection on their :iccom: plishmeuts and sex. At length, however, one of these notes embodying a proposal of marriage was playfully placed in the hands of a clover Miss, who promptly carried it to a Professorial friend living in the neighbour hood, with whose aid she indited an accept ance couched in phraseology which, for elegance of diction, was altogether worthy of Plato. Whether overcome by the lady's erudition, or feeling that it would be mi chivalrous to retire, the gentleman sur rendered at discretion, and the nuptials were celebrated on an early day. Now the foregoing is the story according to the spiteful, but there is another and quite a different version : it is this, that the erudite wooer, having at last met with a rare com bination of lireok scholarship and book muslin, concluded that Destiny summoned him to the altar, and, true to character, he submitted his case to Venus in Homeric verso, while the divinity of course signified her gracious approval in the classic tongue. Of the two stories I prefer the latter.

The progress of this experiment was more propitious for both parties, however, than the recent essay of a young man in a local ironmongery warehouse to win Ilia lady-love with a resort to rhapsodical high falutin. Being deeply smitten by the charms of his enslaver, and linding that she was a de vourer of all kinds of sentimental fiction, he resslved to make his approaches from her weak sido. For this purpose he laboriously committed to memory tho love speeches and amorous dialogue from a select assortment of yellow covered literature and retailed them in his tile-a-lcla with the object of his atlbetions. She fell readily into the trap, and listened with bated breath and glistening eyes while her Adonis spouted choice oxtracts from " Komeo and Juliet,"

"The Lady of Lyons," Ouida, Mrs Henry Wood, and a few of tho ultra-emotional class of lady novelists. The young lady was rapturous over tho fervour, eloquence, and devotion of her gallant ; she sang his praises everywhere, and claimed that he was the very beuu ideal of the fashionable novel hero.

While the charlatan lover remained cir cumspect ami got up his speeches with care, all went well, but in timo his nnlour in the work of collation began to U.i«r, while the lady's appetite for his fulsome niiil ucHtntio Iliittery in creased. On one occasion, having used up nil his available mutorial, ho hml resort to the serial story in the Star Sri1- I'l.kmknt for n renewed supply of tho con fectionery rf love. That evening in tho course of'the usual moonlight walk he bewail to pour out his soul in the borrowed plati tilde*, but wnx surprised to tlncl that they did not produce the usual tendor responses from his inamorata. She heard him gravely to the end, and then turning round she froze him with tho remark " You nasty, deceitful thing. All you have said 1 read in tho Stak tins week, and you have simply been making it laughing stock of mo. Nevor daro to speak to mo again, or I shall toll :ny father how I have been used." He wished to explain, but she would not listen. Ho wanted to compromise matters and thus avert unpleasant disclosures, but sho would not allow him to remain longer in her com pany. Tho result was that tho story got abroad during the following >veek, and re ceived such ampliticntion and embellish ments that tho ashamed Lothario at length in sheer desperation girded up his loins and (led tho scene. He now oarrios on his flirtations in a distant oity after more prosaic methods.

" Music, gentle music, thcro'a magic in thy strain, Unless one's forced to teach it; oh, then it gives us pain!" Thus sings an unknown poet, and with him agrees, I should think, a certain musi cian of Auckland who essayed lately to con duct the Ponsonby branch of the Choral So ciety. On the occasion of tho last rehearsal for the excellent concert given on Monday evening last, Herr Schmitt was unfortu nately absent, and for a t;me it seemed that no one could be got to wield tho baton in his stead. But at last a gentleman rushed into the deadly and imminent breach, and, taking the conductor's wand, led the choris ters through the first piece, which they had practised long and carefully and considered themselves fairly proficient in executing. Tho new conductor (new brooms sweep clean, you know) told them when it was over, however, that they could not sing the chorus, which was quite beyond their powers, and that it was a bore to havo to conduct such a society. The altos, he added, were wanting in strength. A burly basso profundo interjected that he could not say that about the basses ; and the snob subsided temporarily amid tho laughter which this sally provoked. The second chorus was next sung, and the deputy con ductor took occasion to lecture the singers once more. This time he undertook to instruct them in the relative values of minims, crotchets, and quavers, as if he were speaking to a class of juveniles, and not to a society comprising some old and able musicians. His crotchety and quaver ing attempts to minimi.se the musical know ledge of his auditors only roused their laughter, for they saw that it would be supremely ridiculous to have taken serious offence at his pretentious and arrogant as sumption of superiority. So the rehearsal progressed—the singers immensely tickled at the exhibition, and the "conductor" quite oblivious that he was being laughed at. During the singing of the fourth chorus, however, he had his eyes opened to a sense of his situation. This was an operatic piece, and the chorists had been taught by Herr Schmitt to sing it in a certain manner. But the new con ductor knew better how it should be done. So, when they failed to make a pause at a certain place, ho laid down his baton as a signal for them to stop; but they went on, laughter bubbling from their eyes, and finished the piece triumphantly and in ex cellent style. Then the deputy conductor, metaphorically speaking, kicked the conceit out of himself, and executed a war dance over it. He vowed that the singers could do better without a conductor than with one, that he had been grossly insulted, and that as a man of spirit he would not stand it. And to show that he was in earnest ho did not stand another moment, but lifting his hat, he left the room, amid the hearty laughter of the vocalists. It is believed" that the lesson he got will prove beneficial, and that in future he will not so openly display the character istics of that clasa of people who are noted for rushing into positions which celestial visitants might hesitate about filling.

XXX A few weeks ago I quoted from " John Bull and His Island " a capital satire on the craze among foreigners for trumpery

decorations, and the culm contempt in which these gewtraws arc lickl by cultured people in England who Know their value and market prico. A sense of tho ridicule which they excite soon leads their possessors to slow them quietly away in n private desk, unless it should happen to be the m voutor of a patent sausage ski" or other human benefactor of the same sort whose eminent services to the world have been thus rocognised. Then tin1 Brummagem titlomakos a splendid heading for hifl advertisement. An sxquimto story ti;irmm* to (his subject is told In 11 Du.ronct" in the " Referee," and 1 can not help retailing it. Ho says: -"1 wn* seriously thinking of getting a title while l' was abroad. Without n enrnuol one is so insigiiiliennt in Italy. 1 counted 120 liousoh in a straight line in Klorcnoc. mid only eight gates were without n coronet. ' (io over to the ' Surrey side ol (he Arno, and it is the same thing. Every 'slum' has a do/.en palaces, and every palace has a coronet. Prying about, after ilio manner of my species, the out-of-the way liolesand corners, 1 became ac(|iiainled with the fact that: the nobility nearly all sell their own oil and wine. Near the | giilewayof the palace* there is gonornlly a little hole just largo enough to pass a bottle through. Over this is written in small letters, ' Oantina,' and just by Hie side is hung a board with atarill'of the price of 'our wino.' Dukes, marquises, and earls, (hey all retail the produce of their vineyards and farms. You can buy a bottle of tlio ordinary for a franc, and my lord's servant will hand it you with a smile, and toko your coin with a condescending ' < Irazio.' It is very quaint to see a work man come along, stop at a palace about three times the size of Newgate, and sud denly bob his head in—apparently through the stone wall—and presently bob back again with a bottle ill his hand. I was determined to study this phase of noble life myself, so I knocked at the hole in the wall of one of the most magnificent palaces of Florence, and when the little slide was opened 1 bobbed in my head and asked for n bottle of ginger-beer. ' (iingobra';' said the man inside. ' 1 do not think that is a wine of our vineyard.' 'Oh, yes, it is,' 1 said. ' 1 met the Duke ol Took at the Palazzo Corsini yesterday, and he told me I should get a bottle of ginger-beer here." ' Ah,' said the ancient servitor : ' then 1 will ask the marcnii*, my master, lie was absent for a few minutes, and pre sently returned with tin; marquis, an exquisitely polite old gentleman of the good old school. 'I fear, illus trious stranger, you have made a mistake, 1 know not the name of ginger beer as a wine of the country. Certainly [ glow it not myself.' I apologised pro fusely, and withdrew my head from the aperture just in time to allow an old lady who was waiting to bob hers in and ask for two soldi's worth of the marquis's bust olive oil, which she would take in the coll'ee eup she held in her hand."

When a pretty girl goes to a concert and is so very pleased with one of the vocalist* that shu is induced to join in the general ap plause by clapping her hands, fow person*, 1 presume! will object: but should that same pretty jjirl become so enthii.-ia.-tic that she must stamp on (he lloor with tho vigour and earnestness of a schoolboy, I for one feel inclined to say "hold.' It was nut until vi-ry recently that this new phase of woman* rights ('.') ciiino under my nnlicu. first 1 observed it at a gath.-rin>; held in connection with a suburban church, irlicn at. different stages during the evening to my horror I saw an athlotic-lunking young lady applauding most determinedly i>y alternately stumping with her feet and pounding the lloor with a p'irasoi. 1 considered the cir euinstance remarkable, and never uxpected i.i .-.•._■ a similar exhibition, lull this run elusion proved erroneous. During the >„-,-, nt week it- was my foitllnc In attend a rather enjoyablo concert, at which the vocalists appeared to have numerous friends. This resulted, as might have been anticipated, in tho audience proving must appreciative, but yet I did not expect to see a number of young ladies specially devoting themselves to secure encores for sundry singers. Within a dozen yards of where 1 sat, at one stiigo there were no less than four young ladies and one mamma energetically employed in working up a" le call" by hammering the floor of the Irnll with their shoes—not tapping lightly with their toes, but putting their foot down together and with force, after tho manner of the well known theatre pitite, whose peculiar style of applauding is no doubt familiar to most of my readers. I must confess that such exhibitions appear unladylike, and I really think the fair sex should confine their applause to the clapping of hands, which, when indulged in by them, is pretty and affords especial pleasure to the performers, and leave the rougher practice of feet-stamp ing to thoir male companions who may fool so disposed to work off their exuberance.

Tho miseries which some married women have to enduro In connection with bush life is exemplified in tho wretchednoss of Bella Bell. Her private story is harrowing in detail. She lived in comparative solitude durkig tho week, sometimes for a month, without seeing her husband, who got his living on a boat. Her only companions were tho trees, the gully, and her several children. " Often," shosaid, "when look ing at the stars in the silent midnight, have I wished for some spirit power to waft me to the peopled city to jostle with tho multitude." Her solitude, however, was not tho travail of her soul. Sho could bear tho whisper of the trees and lonely murmur of tho brook; "but oh," sho oxelaimcd, "it is my Jack that I dread. Ho in variably comes home tight, and threatens me with an ((.re." The unfortunate woman literally raved when she came to tho word asrc, and seemed to shudder. When near tho ond of her story, she told mo how Jack came home in a tempor on Sunday night, raised the terrible weapon which gleamed in the moonlight, and swore loudly that if sho didn't sko daddle for " summat warm," ho would settle her before she could say her prayers. She fled, shoeless, into the bush and stayed thero all night, and the next morning breakfasted alone on mushrooms. A friend assisted her to Auckland, and a warrant was issued by that " noble gintleman," Mr Cunningham, foi-herhusband'sapprehensior. Jack was caught at Elliott's Creek, brought to Auckland, was on Wednesday last marched into Court under Captain Alfred James, and — forgiven by the injured partner of his bosom. " I can't find it in my heart to hurt him," said Bella. "He thrashes me often, but he is not a bad sort after all. 'Tis the waipiro, and not the happy Jack that I married." The Bench thought Jack needed curbing, and ordered him to find sureties to keep the peace. Bella, the much-abused Bella, immediately went in quest of them.

If there is one social nuisance more than another in this community which calls for suppression, it is that of the vending of goods by itinerant salesmen, whoso chief characteristics are crafty persistency and unblushing effrontery. Numerous in stances are on record in which these gentry have profited by the absence of the lord and master of the household, and have absolutely worried the perplexed wife into giving ordors for goods with which she might easily have dispensed, and in many cases which she could ill afford. Husbands have protested against tho evil, but in vain. Thi objectionable individuals are cute and knowing. They do business only when the husbands are absent from home and on gaged in their daily avocations, and this precaution has saved them from condign punishment on more than one occasion. Warning after warning against these irre pressible members have been published, and yet the nuisance continues to increase, and foolish women permit themselves to be im posed upon and their husbands' often hard

earned savings wasted. Some disclosures on the subject havo been made during the past week through an action brought to recovor on a debt of this kind, and as the facts brought to light reveals a great deal respecting the Modus oprnmiU of theso humbugs, their publication may bo desirable.

The action was brought by an individual who represents himself as tlio ngont of a certain linn of drapers in Ponsonby, but as a matter of fact, he i? tlio linn himself, and so far from having a shop, ho simply re ceives the order, and makos a purchase from one of the local stores, relying for Ins profit on the dillcrenee between tho price paid for the article and tho sum subsequently charged for it. He sued Mr CO. Montroso for His (Id for goods which he alleged had been supplied to Mrs Mont rose on the defendant's order, and at his request. The case never came before the Co'irt, being abandoned by the solicitor when ho became aware of the real facts. It may, however, bo stated that Mr Mont rose had no knowledge of the commer cial transaction which gave rise to the action. This "company 'or "linn." or whatever ho called himself, paid a business visit to the house, and, despite Mrs Mon trose's protestations that she did not require his j^oods, at last induced her to buy, to assist him to start. Deferred pay ments were, as in all other similar cases, oll'ered as tlio greater inducement to pur chase, and his' hold being once secured, the enterprising hawkor did not let it #0 very easily. Repeated purchases were made on tho same terms, the parcels being surreptiously delivered. Mr Montroso at last discovered the transaction, and natural feelings of indignation induced him to repu diate theliability. The "company" brought the action in question, but it was withdrawn before tho sitting of tho court. Had it been heard, some interesting revelations would in all probability have been made concerning the method pursued by the "company" in disposing of their wares. Weak-minded wives arc, as a rule, the only patrons, and the sooner strong-minded hus bands tako the law into their own hand. aiid suppress the nuisance the better it will be for all concerned.

ARMY, NAVY, AND VOLUNTEERS.

(By Martini-I (i-.xky).

Ai'i'oitnisi: to the latest Russian ollicial re

port, tho Army consists at tho present moment of i 5,074 olliccrs, and 830,145 rank and tilo.

" Present Arms," as done by the troops recently in " Youth," at the Opera House, i.s not the way I have seen it done in the Army. The " Territorial " system is illustrate.: curiously by tho names of (the killed and wounded at El Tob. Imagine " Yoik and Laucaster" mon named "John Connor,1

" Ciillnnnu," " llickey,"and "Burke": or n Royal Highlander named 'Hoycott" :

The " Army and Navy " wants to know why are Osman Digna's followers called " ivbels " by the newspaper correspondents: They are in their own land, and are defend inu it against invasion by stranger., who declare tluyhare nothing at *U to do with the country.

The "Torpedo Hunter," of which trial liavo been made in the Italian ports, is .-;u<i to have been most successful. It is nn ex ceedingly fast and powerful vowel, intended to hunt down torpedo-launches, and i> eroditod with a speed of-.'2 miles, an hour.

On October 111, 188:1, there were 209,3(1." enrolled Volnnteors i" Oreat Britain, cj whom 20:2,428 had made themsclTcs techni cully "efficient," nnd 179,7.T.l had appeair.i at the oilicittl inspections. Nearly 18,000 ollicer.s and sergeants had certificates <.! proficiency, and 485 of the former passed in " tactics.'

Tho "Army and Navy" snys :—"The Hoyal Commission on Colonial Defence have concluded its labours, and havo decided that our principal seaports and coaling stations at Homo and in the colonies should be placed in a better stato of defence, and they recommend the expenditure of a sum not exceeding £2,000,0U« sterling."

"Then," says tho "Standard" Corres pondent, describing the retreat of Baker.- cavalry at El Teb, " the Arabs were seun coining on at a run, stooping low, and hoot ing like savages." They had no arms but spears and swords. First, those footmen, brandishing lances find swords, drove be fore them a crowd of horsemon armed with pabres and breech-loaders. Next, they charged against squares, shaky, indeed, but formed of infantry, each man of whom had 70 rounds for his breech-load ing rifle, and hold on against Krupp guns and Catlings. Now, surely these were bravo men ? It is easy to say they wore " fanatics." Wo called the terrible swords men who broko through the Highland Brigado at Baroilly, and who charged the 7th Hussars and the guns outside Lucknow, "fanatics "or "gazees." We should have styled them "heroes" had they belonged to a Christian band " full of hopo, mis named forlorn." Tho man who does not mind being killed in tho attempt to kill his enemy may bo nicknamed, but Jio cannot be despised.

The Oamaru Easter Encampment.

The proceedings in connection with the Volunteer gathoring at Oamaru were highly successful. Early in the day a carbine and riflo competition was held, the prizes being — Rifle Competition : First team, £21 ; second team, £7. Carbine Competition : First, £0 ; second, £2.

The following wore the results: —Rille Competition : Otepopo Rifles, 255 ; Wakari Rifles, 241: Dudedin City Guards, 239 ; Invercargill Rifles, 22!); Oamaru Rifles (No. 1 team), 22(j; North Dunedin Rifles, 210 ; Oamaru Rillos (No. 2 team), ISS.

In the carbine competition tho scores were : I Battery, Omaru Artillery, 280; Dunedin Naval Artillery, 268.

In dismounting the howitzers the Oamaru Artillery made the smarto3t time recorded in New Zealand, viz., 1 mm. 38 see. B Battery alone took part in the Armstrong competition.

The bayonet exercise competition was keenly watched. The teams taking part were tho Dunedin City Guards (placed first), Oamaru Rifles (second), Omaru Artil lery (third), Wakari Rifles, and North Dun edin Rifles.

In the review, which was held sub sequently, the Volunteers acquitted them selves with great credit. The following was the parade «tate, oflieers included : — 0 Battery (Invercargill), 42 ; M Battery (Queenstown), 17 ; B Battery (Dunedin), 32 ; 1 Battery (Oarnant), 03; L Battery (Port Chalmers), 85 ; Port Chalmers Naval Artil lery, 45; Dunedin Naval Artillery 55; BlulF Naval Artillery, 2S; Oamaru Rifles, 5S ; East Taieri Rifles, 25 ; South District, 0 ; Hampden Rifles, 5 ; South Dunedin, 44 ; Otepopo Rifles, 29 ; Riverton Rifles, 10 ; Invercargill Rifles, 54 ; Arrow Rifles, 6; Dunedin City Guards, 42 ; North Dunedin Rifles, 46 : Wakari Rifles, 47 ; Waikouaiti Rifles, 15; Southland Hussars, 18; Dunedin Cavalry, 23. Total, 736.

In addition there were the local Cadet Companies and the Bands, the latter num bering as follows :•—Oamaru Garrison, 21 ; Invercargill Garrison, 28 ; Dunedin Gar rison, 27 ; North Dunedin, 27 ; Dunedin Naval Band, 30; Queenstown Band, 21.

There was a contest for Volunteer Bands, three prizes boing offered. Tho Oamaru Garrison Band was first; Dunedin Navalß, second; and Dunedin Garrison, third. The prizes were £40, £20, and £10 respectively.

GOSSIP FROM STAGE AND STUDIO.

i. a — \. .) [By KuTERPE.]

Tin: dramatic season now being played at the Opera Ifowo ends on the 24th inst., nfter which the Company disband here. The (tanning Oporn Bonll'u Troupe uro ex. pected to open during the first week in .luiio.

l'rofessor Anderson, the Wizard, with his laughter, Miss Louise Maude Anderson, is !< doing " the country towns of the South.

Mr LnchlanAfcOowan is now in Auckland, and taking steps to organise a Stock Dra matic Company.

The Dunning Opera Troupe closed their Christehureh season on Monday week, the last work presented being "The King's Dragoons,'' a military comic opera, by John Crook, of Manchester. The orchestration is said to be sometime? charming, and the music far and away better than the libretto it illustrates. Two of tho finales are scored with rare spirit and power, and there are besides some humorous, graceful, and plain tive numbers in (ho shape of solos and choruses scattered throughout the piece. Williamson, darner and Musgrove's Com pany succeeded I Winning's combination, and have been playing " Mascotte " with much success.

l'rofessor l'ayne's entertainments in In vcrcnrgill were poorly attended, while Fred Millis drew [food houses every evening. When last heard of, the latter was at Kiver ton.

During Easter week at Melbourne.Uou nod's oratorio, "The Redemption," was re pented for the second time by the .Melbourne Philharmonic Society. At the Exhibition building was given the lirst production in Australia of Sir Arthur Sullivan's sacred musical drama, " The .Martyr of Antioch," wit h M is." Alice Kees as one of the principals. A snored concert was also given at tho Theatre Koyal under the arrangement and management of M> 11. S. Smythe. When will tfic Auckland Choral Society pluck up siiilicient courage to essay " Tlie Redemp tion ?' . _

Mr John F. Sheridan's much-lauded "Fun on the Bristol" Company has arrived from England, and is now playing in the Vic torian metropolis. The play from which the Company derives its name is splen didly mounted, and supplied with magnifi cent srenery, but it is described as thoroughly nonsensical, and rather gross as well ; whi'lo the Company, with the excep tion of Mr Sheridan and Miss Livingstone, is n poor one The nonsense is said to be all through (barring when Miss Livingstone or Mr Sheridan is on the.-tage) so thoroughly stale and stupid as to become intolerable. The jokes must have been made ere the advent of the veritable .Joe Miller. At the lirst performance the inanity and thorough incapacity of the performers, added to tedious fooling in the second act, elicited derisive groans, loud and prolonged hisses, iml sarcastic ejaculationsfrom the "gods," such as—"Oh i cheese it and give us the woodpeckerl" "Shut up!" "Don't hurt yourself :" " Give us a rest ." "Oh ! this \h too much joy !" " Will you ever go home !" "Chuck oil' your chest :'' and such like lively remark?.

Miss Jennie Loe has been playing at Melbourne in Burnand's " Bluebeard, or the Hazard of the i)yo," with great suc cors. Chiarini'i Circus is also still there.

Miss (J-enevier* Ward, at latest accounts, was in her sth week with " Forget Me Not," the leading character in which sho has now played more than SSO times. Her engagement with the triumvirate extends over 0 months, and at the expiration of that time she will, unless other arrangements are made, i'O on a tour of the neighbouring colonies, including New Zealand. Miss W.ird has heard of the beauties of New Zealand ■ scenery, and is anxious to see it. Her pro i-rammo includes "Guy Mannering," '•Jane Shore," "Medea," "Rachel," "The Queen'.s Favourite," "Nance Oldfield," and " Mammon." Misses Maißton Leigh, Maggie Knight, and Edith Adolo are supporting Wybert Reeve at the Sydney Gaiety.

Emily Melville's opera season in the Melbourne Bijou at popular prices has been a great success.

According to latest advices the Lynch Family of Bellringcrs wore at Penang, where Robert Lynch and Farron were down with malarial fever.

" Falk.V readied its 100 th night of con secutive representations at tne Comedy Theatre on February 16, and Mr Chassaigne is considered to have secured a brilliant future for himself as a composer of comic o] icras. Mr Irving's election as a member of the

Reform Club has given rise to the rumour that he contemplates seeking a seat in the House of Commons, and will not end his days as an actor. Meanwhile he will return to England in May, and during the season produce Mr Wills's version of "Faust," at the Lyceum Theatre, probably re-visiting Ameiica in the winter.

The famous operatic vocalist, Teresina Singer, has abjured the Hebrew faith and been baptised into the Roman Catholic Communion at Turin Cathedral. The occasion of the conversion is her approach ing marriage to a wealthy young Spaniard, Dun Henry Giineho, of Barcelona.

Miss Clara Morris, one of the most talented and eecentricof American actresses, will follow Mr Lawrence Barrett's season at tlio Lyceum Theatre, being the third and last American actress to appear there during Mr Irving's absence. A daughter of Miss Ellen Terry is to mako her debut on the Lyceum stage under the now dc theatre of Ailsa Craig, shortly aftor her mother's return from America. She has not long entered her teens, but has already achieved some reputation in private circles, and possesses a large share of her mothor's talontg,and an evon larger measure of physical beauty. The total receipts of the recent Leeds Musical Festival were £10,307. The band cost £2,052, the chorus £1,497, and con ductor and principals £1,628. Most of the profits realised were expended in charity. "The Silver King" is still attracting large audiences in Sydney. " Princess Ida " has already found its way to American boards, and was first produced in February at the Fifth Avenue Theatre. In London, the cash takings for the first throe weeks were £413 more than in the case of "lolanthe," and £1,025 more than in that of " Patience." The tickets had to bo printed three months ahead. Dr. Simms, the physiognomist, is lectur ing in Dunedin. Donald Dinnie and Professor Miller had a trial of strength in the Exhibition Building, Melbourne, which "drew" a tremendous "house," Coitnol Iko Austin, assisted by a lady, is givi»g examples in the same city of his ihootinf powers.

The best idea of the literary method of Mr Burnand'e " Paw Claudian" is conveyed by the parodied "curse" pronounced by " Coal-Holey " Clement, which runs thus : " Bo young for ever through the centuries!" See melodramas everywhere produced: Sec pieces come to theatres to be goos'd; See theatres come to pieces as they will- But thou lire on. Be Claudian running still! Thy warlike course thou'lt run for many years, Drawing pit, stalls, and boxes, drawing tiers; " Tho innocent sunshine shall die out before." You enter ov'ry night by the stnge-door. Except in summer; your black little fellow Who follows shall grow up and play Othello! But thou shalt still bo Claudian, have to do it, Night after night compelled to go right through it And be as fresh as ever! Herman, Wills,

Will struggle on by taking Parr's life pills, Shall disappear! Yet on and on you'll play, Saying the lines that are " hard lines " to say, Until an audience its sides shall split And you bring down the house, reduce the pit, Add rows of stalls—yet Claudian will not stop; But when, night after night, the houses drop. And " Order reigns supreme—then you will choose

i Whether you'll finißh or go on and loso! | Till then I leave you—anil so enda the cubs I

THE GARDEN.

(By Hortus),

Calendar of Operations. May 3.

[Hortus is willing to answer any queries. Cor respondents must give their full namoa and ■itidressea, though not for publication.]

TO COHRKSI'ONUENTS, Skkds (Florist).—When saving seeds, whether from llowei-B. fruit, or vegetables, it should always In taken from the lincstand best dove loped specimens. Seed from these will pro duce thu best plants. Seed saved from inferior grown or not fully developed plants will not lie so likely to keep your strain up to the mark. It is better under such circumstance to throw it away and procure new from some reliable source.

GLADIOLI (M.G ).-1)o not lift the bulbs till they are proucrly ripened of. As long as there is any L'l'een on the foliage more nourishment is being conveyed to the bulbs underneath, so never lift the bulbs till the haulm ia properly ripened that is. if you want to keep the varieties up to the mark. The abuvc remarks will apply to all other bulbs. Gitu'K Vines in the Open (J. D.)— The sub" icct is being dealt with at, present by lUr Kederli. On a former occasion I gave my opinions and reasons for ihinkinK that the vine would not be a universal success in this district in tho open. Of course, as you say, Mr Fwlcrli thinks they will do hero. Before I would believe in their success, he will need to Hive lictior reasons than he at present has given. At prssent it ia not necessary for me to say any more, thought I might have something to say afterwards. To.MATOU.-i (Amateur) —Yes, they can be grown from cuttings. Those grown from cuttings will make much better plant* for fruiting next season. Sometime about the end of this month ib the best time for taking the cuttings ofl' the old plants. You will need to have a cold frame or ii greenhouse for striking and Keeping the plants during the winter. I intend next week giving a paper on the advantages to be gained by raising your stockalways from cuttings instead of seedlings.

Kitchen Garden.

Tiik dry season will likely last now only for another week or two. All trenching and digging ought, therefore, to be completed before the vet weather sets in; also, if there is any intention to increase the dimen sions of the portion of the garden, now is the time to drain and trench. Stiff soils especially must be laboured while the soil > is dry. Make a small sowing of onions for spring use ; sow them in rows about loin, apart: sow pretty thick ; the thinnings will do for transplanting out in thu spring. They will make equally good if not better bulba than those that have been sown. Plant a few more cabbage and cauliflower, earth up those that are growing. Thin out advancing crops of turnip?, carrots, onions and spinnche; keep the row* free of weeds with the hoe. How a few rows of broad beans about 2 feet li inches apart and C inches from bean to bean, in row. Plant out a bed of shallots ; keep the plants about 9 inches apart. Also, a few potatoes and onions in rows about IS inches apart and 9 inches apart in rows. Clear away all superfluous foli age from tomatoes, so as to allow the sun to get at the unripe fruit. Keep weed? down. Make every endeavour to kill slugs. Use plenty of lime in the evening. Flower Garden.

The making of all extentions or new flower borders should be hurried on now as quickly as possible. In about two or three weeks' time we may expect the usual heavy winter rains. After this the work can neither be so quickly performed, nor will the plants succeed as well afterwards. Therefore, complete all alterations as soon as possible. Commence planting out main stock of bulb 3 for spring flowering. All bulbs like ashes in the composition of the soil. Put about a handful underneath each bulb—that is if it can be readily procured. A few of the common hardy gladiolus which have been properly ripened off can now be planted out. These will give early spring flowers. Anemones and ranu naulus should now be planted out in a cool, moist situation. They like plenty of well-decomposed manure worked well into the soil. Lawns should now receive attention by top-dressing, to which we refer at some length in another paper in this issue. Keep all weeds down, making everything look as neat and tidy as possible. Greenhouse. Shading should now be dispensed with for the season. Water should be more sparingly supplied, except to growing plants. Give every attention to the winter flowering plants. Keep them as near the glass as possible. The cactia tribe should now be kept as dry as possible; and placed upon a back shelf. The epiphyllums varieties will soon be coming into flower. It should therefore be kept in a front place till they are past flowering. Camellias in pot remove from summer quarters into the house for early flowers Chrysanthums done flowering cut back and place the pots out of doors. Give the plants a thorough overhaul, so as to clean them of all dead or dying debris, also insects. Keep up a free circulation of air during the day. Scale on Fruit Trees.—Some of the apple and pear trees are liable to get covered with the mussel scale, which if left unraolosted considerably injures the tree._ A very good remedy is dressing the tree with train oil. Every portion of the tree should be thoroughly painted over with the oil, getting into every crevice. The best time to apply the oil is in the autumn, immedia tely after the foliage drops from the tree. If left till late in the spring the oil would be apt to injure the young and tender buds. It is only while the trees are medium-sized that the oil can be applied with effect. With large orchard trees it would be iin. possible to paint all the branches, and un less all were done the effect would only be partial. Fertilising materials, other than from the stable, are to be had in all large towns. Where there is a brewery, the spent hops, regarded as valuable as stable manure, should be secured- The refuse of tanneries and slaughterhouses will make a valuable addition to the heap. Wherever there are manufacturers of horn, bone ; or whalebone, secure the refuse and look into the value of other wastes.

Limb Water fob Killing Slugs.— Slugs are among the most troublesome in sects that infect the garden. Who has not lost favourite seedlings through their ravages. Dry lime, soot, etc., are very good, but only by lime water, and I think it will be the favourite remedy. Mix hot lime and water toge her, stir it well, then let it stand till the lime settles at the bottom. In the evening after dark use the watering pot with a good rose and give a sprinkling of this water over the seed beds or plants affected by the slugs. In the morning you will be astonished at the re sult. Every slug that has got a taste of the water will die. The lime water is much better than the dry lime. Dry lime does not penetrate in the same manner as the water. Sawdust v. slugs : Sprinkle saw dust round tho plants as one would quick lime or soot. The latter when once wet loses their effect, but sawdust retains its virtue however wet, and sticking to the slugs, prevents their approach. When dry, slugs detest it. Thin Seedling,—ln small gardens I know there is a great inducement in the proprietors to overcrowd their vegetables ; he is pinched for space, and he thinks by growing his plants thick together that he will benefit thereby. He altogether regrets that every living thing must have room to grow and develope ; and if not ootainable, attenuation must bo the result. Of this, there cannot be tho least doubt, and yet how often do we see the attempt made to grow three or four subjects where there is only room for one ; still, even if the grower in some case is told such by one with ex perience, he invariably would rather spoil the whole crop rather than take out the superfluous plants. Amateurs as a rule sow their seed pretty thickly, though nearly always there is a good braird. It is like taking the hairs ouf of his head to pull up any of those seedlings. Now, say for

\ instance, it is turnips, how is it possible for thorn all to bulb if allowed to grow; Whenever seedlings have arrived at a ; certain stage, and tli.it is before they begin to draw one another, thin them out at once, so that they may receive any cheek after wards. No good cultivation can result from overcrowding.

THE AMATEUR LUNATIC.

A iu:i'ortkr attached to the staff of a widely circulated daily newspaper, whose ordinary routine is to "work up" accidents, as saults, and other obscure paragraphs, was fired with a yearning to distinguish himself —like Stanley for instance—and for some time past he has been earnestly entreating the manoging editor to give him Borne special task to perform, so that he may have a chance to write something that will make the hair of the readers of the paper stand on end while they read it.

The managing editor turned him away with a soft answer ; bat he kept on yearn ing for excitement till about two weeks ago, wlTen he went to the managing editor with a scheme that would make the paper, he said, sell for (id a copy. He said he wanted to go to some insane asylum, and spend a night in the violent ward, and listen to the howls of the incurable maniacs, and hear the clanking of chains, and write it up for the paper. He said a man of genius could write an article, after such an experience, that would take England by storm. ■ , ,

The managing editor thought it would be a good chance to " break " the reporter, so he consented, and sent him to a well-known asylum, with a letter to the principal doctor, whom he knew, asking him to grant the representative what he desired. Then he wrote a private note to the doctor tell ing him to scare the life out of ths reporter, and charge it to the concern. The reporter visited the asylum, and remained one j night, but the article has not appeared in the paper, and the reporter has not been seen at the office since. He was observed at the rooms of a certain press club last Saturday night, looking pale, and sick, and tired, and wild, and disgusted. The good doctor had placed the reporter in one of the worst wards, in a room by him self, and locked him in, and told him ho could hear plenty of noises. Then the ■ doctor called a great big Scotch attend ant, and gave him a bottle filled with Hun-, yadi water, mixed with several kinds of mineral waters that taste like decayed fruit, and told the attendant that the new comer was a bad case, and must have a table spoonful of that medicine every 15 minutes. The attendant is a man who does as he is ( told, and when the doctor said the man's life depended on swallowing the medicine regularly, the big attendant was going to j fire it into him. It may be best to let the. reporter tell the result. At the press club he narrated the story as follows: —

"The doctor ordered me to be put into a room that was padded, and had a crib in it, to sleep in, covered with a shutter which could be fastened down. When the key,; turned in the lock I wa3 sorry I came. , The. shrieks of the people near me raised myj hair, and I wondered if I could stand it till morning. Suddenly a face appeared at tie. hole in my door, and the man told.me-to' put ray mouth up to the hole and take my medicine. I told him I didn't want any, medicine, and he said it would be better for me to take it that way than to compel him to come in, as I would have to take it, and' I told him to go to Bath with his medicipe, "He opened the door and came in, : poured out the medicine in a spoon, and came up to me. I told him I was no, crazy man, and didn't need any medicine. Isaidl, was a London journalist, on special duty,■ and that if he didn't go away I would' caff him. He said he never knew a bettor year for London journalists j but even a London journalist must take his medicine like a little man, and he came for me with tho spoon. I knocked the spoon out of his hand, and then he took me around the body in, some manner I couldn't explain, pinioned my arms, and before I knew it the medicine was down. Great heavens, how it did: taste ! I can taste it now. " He went out as calmly as could be, and I tried to find something to kill him with,; but everything was screwed down to thd floor. I thought he had made a mistake in the room, and was giving me medicine, that belonged to another lunatic. How did I know but the medicine I was taking was intended for some maniac who requited; doses of poison every quarter of an hour!, I had not got over thinking of it, and tryr ing to spit it out, when the villain came again, and said it was time to take another! dose. Then I thought he was some lunatic! who had got possession of a key, andwas; practising on me, in his insane wanderings about the corridor. I was afraid of him,, but he came in and tackled me, and I fought, him the best I could, but he got me do,™ and poured the vile stuff down my-neck and went out. I went to the door and yelled for the doctor, and the other poor creatures thought I was a new case, ifthey, thought anything, for they yelled tooo;J got so that I expected the muffled tread of; that attendant evety minute, and he came again and again. ■ ,-..,.,»■•; " One time he put me in a strait jacket and got the stuff down my throat, and at, another time he put me in the crib and locked me in,.on my back, as helpless as _an infant, and gave me the medicine.. I tried every time he came in to reason with.hun, to explain who I was, and convince him that I represented one of the greatest new*-, papers on earth ; but he only smiled, and said he had no doubt of it. He said the only thing he wandered at was that I did not claim to be the Prime Minister. He said the most of them had an idea they were some great man, and he was surprised that I was contented to be a common journalist. I offered him a £10 order on the cashier of our newspaper if he would go and call the doctor, but he said the doctor was asleep. , ■, "Well, I found that I had to take, the medicine, and after he had choked it down me half-a-dozen times I got so I would go to the door and take it through the hole, and I expected every time that the,next, dose would kill me. I passed the worst night any man ever passed, and about eight o'clock in the morning the doctor came and opened the door, smiling, and asked me what kind of a night I had. I told him not to mention it. . , " When I told him about the fiend gmng me that awful medicine every 15 minutes all night, he said the man must have made a mistake, as the medicine was intended lor a lady who imagined herself to be tie late Queen Anne, who occupied a room further down the hall, and who hadn't been feeling well for several days. ,•,. ' "I got out of tbere alive, and while; coming down to Fleet-street, I got to think ing it over, and I believe the managing editor put up that job on me with that doctor. I shall investigate the matter, ana if I find it is so, I shall sue the paper for £5,000 damages. £5,000 would be a nice little sum for a young man to start a new society paper with, but I earned every shilling of it that night."

THE SUNSET OF YOUTH.

The eun sinks down beneath the sea, "fis summer's latest day, The clouds still cherish lovingly Ilia last departing ray. Summer has faded from his eyes, And autumn has begun, And he who will to-morrow rise Will be another sun. So dies tho youth's entrancing: dream, Scarce finds he in his «oul A trace of that old magic gleam That once illumed the whole.- The man is wiser than the youth, But is he happier, too ? . The man has found how rare is truth, Tho youth holds all for true. Groat is the price that wisdom pays Old errors to efface; ....„„. We lose the charm of vanished days, What have we in their placo ( —"A Story op Three Years," and other Poems, By J. Williams,

THti AUCKLAND EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, MA* «, 'SB4

4