RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamux.]

Ptck write, a nnighbourß name to lash, fe'-mo write—rainthonght!—fornoedful cash, Same write to please the oountry clash. And raise a din. For nw. an aim I neverfash— I writo for fun.

Thebe is no leader but Grey, and " Zamiel" is his prophet .''When I last week wrote my survey of the political firmament I had no idea that my astrological forecastings would be so rapidly realised as they have been,by the events of the past few days. To show how "coming events cast their .shadows before," I need but briefly recount what has taken place in the political arena since I last wrote. To begin with, old McFlummery has kept true to his charac-. tor, and made a pretentious attempt to secure the leadership, which ended in "dire collapse." He called on Sir George to try and enlist him as second fiddle, and was cent to the right-about with little ceremony. After Akaroa came Selwyn. Mr Wake field, whom I likened to a " fiery meteor," has risen, has shone, and has been extin guished. He had the effrontery to propose that he should be entrusted with the task of moving tUo vote of no-confidence, with the understanding that when called upon by His Excellency to form a Cabinet he ahould decline with thanks, and gracefully make way for the great Pro-consul. It was a very poor sort of "fizzle." that the mem ber for Selwyn made; he subsided without . a struggle, and Sir George contrived not only to maintain his own prestige, but to secure the adherence of his "talented young friend," who had previously shown signs of breaking loose. Next I mentioned Sir Julius, the comet whose coming was : viewed as a portentous event; and, like , those epcentric wanderers, the great Yogel is approaching Parliament in an elliptical orbit which, glancing off from East Coast, is now drawing near Ashburton, and may yet pass through Stanmore. It may be found that, like some cometary bodies, Sir . Julius will go off at a tangent into illimit able space before he reaches his perihelion ; but in the meantime all are watching his course with eager eyes, and waiting expectantly on his arrival. No ; not .all. One ia free from the prevailing supersti tion ; ono " still, strong man " is unterrified by the portent and undazzled by the blaze , of the erratic star; one politician is free from servile fear or dependence, and can strike out an independent path for himself. j Bravo, Sir George! You Lave vindicated the honour of New Zealand politicians, you have justified the Major's euloginm on you, and you have fulfilled the words of your prophet, for did I not write that though "The rising son was slow to come and herald in the day, Still in the east (City East) -the murky sky was softening into Gray }"

-You rose to the occasion, and the clouds of doubt and darkness were scattered as by the power of the orb of day. Who cares now for the dazzling comet's coming? Is there now anything to hope or fear from the advent of an. outside influence into the House? I trow not, and unless members are false to themselves and their constitu ents, "the political path is clear, and the country is In do need of a saviour. How admirable have the political tactics of the "grand old man" always been! Verily, f there is truth in the adage, "An old dog for a hard road." ,".. - . ■

»' * x x The law of evidence i» somewhat pecu * liar, iiud it may be a bit of presumption for a layman such as I to pretend to criticise . the judgments of " the great unpaid "; but all the same, I am not accustomed to stand upon ceremony or be guided in my course by the rigid rules of a cast-metal etiquette, so kera goes ! I have r«ad a typical story which states how a thief on trial was told that three witnesses would swear to having seen him commit the larceny charged against him. "Oh, that's nothing," he retorted; " I can bring thirty men who will swear they never saw me do it!" The Justices who occupied the bench of the Police Court on Tuesday must have bad this judicial utterance in their mind's eve when they delivered judgment in a certain * assault oaso. It was a charge against Roland Streotor, first mate of the ship 1 Crusader, who was accused of "hammer- Ing" a son of a sea cook named George Dillon. The assault was clearly proved by tbe'evidence of Dillon himself, of a pas sefger, and of the assistant steward; and Streotor admitted that he had called j " dooksy " a •" black swine," and pleaded that this, w&s a true description. -For the 'defence, Captain Scotland' and three of his seamen swore that they never saw Sireeter itrike the' cook, and on this evidence the sapient Bench "dismissed the case." I need not point out such little matters as "that the captain has a criminal charge pend ing, over his own head; that he made a statement which he afterwards qualified Very materially as to the mate's use of his "fists; or that the three seamen were very likely influenced by him in the giving of their evidence. The broad fact is sufficient that, though three men swore to seeing an assault committed, yet because four men : swore they didp'fc see it, the Bench declined to convict. Offenders of' all kinds should 'nofe this new kind of "Justice's justice," and should not fail to adduce plenty of negative evidence. A~few blind men who could swear that they never saw anything all their lives would bo able to pull off even the most hopeless easel I give the hint gratis to all and sundry.

, That wm indeed a curious and instruc tive correspondence which was published ■ in last Saturday's Stab on the subject of the Church and the law, and the necessity for " publicly degrading " a clergyman who .proposed to become a barrister.. It bears out what I wrote sotne time ago about the ] difficulties of the episcopal office, and at the Bame time illustrates Tory aptly certain ineradicable traits of human nature. ■ Bishop • •'. Neville, of Dunedin, ia, I believe, an excel: lent aort of a fellow m a man, but as a bishop he may 'Well c " Who is sufficient

/isnopne may »wry, <C for these thinga ?" It appears that within r his diocese is a clergyman, the Rev. R. H. Stanford, who ia desirous of turning from . the profession of rnligion to the practice of • the law; and the Bishop is greatly scandal ised thereat, and 'chiefly, it would appear, because his subordinate had rosolved on taking the step without consulting "my Lord on- the subject. So the Bishop wrote to the rev. gentlemen intimating that he considered it %nfra dig. for one On whom '"'" apostolic hands had been laid to enter the ranks of the "devil's own," and that he ' would be bound to take steps to " effect his public degradation from the ranks of the < clergy" if he persisted in his evil course: The degenerate cleric, in retort, smote the Bishop nip and thigh, and in true "bull : dog "style tried to frighten him into with drawing his epistle on .."degradation." The backsliding brother reminded his eccle siastical superior that he had known a Bishop, whose initials might -be ■ "S.T., Dunouin," who had mixed in land-jobbing ■'/• transactions, pottered in pottery, and chaffered ovor an annuity ; and he hinted that thero was as much need for public . degradation in such case aa thora was in - his own ; nay more, for while the Bishop retained his holy ofltee while mixing in these carnal' pursuits, Mr Stanford had resigned the clerical profession before entering the "honourable" calling of the law! This mus^have been a nasty jar for ■ the.Bishop, but "degraded " human nature could.not hare resisted the opportunity of

administering so effective a slap in the face. ■ i But *'5.. T." came up smiling, and simply told Mr Stanford that no culpability on a Bishop's part should interfere with his per formance of a plain duty. That is the old Injunction, " Don't do as I do, but do as I tell yen," and geemsta proceed on the ■ assumption that what in the Bishop is but a choleric word is in the common priest rank blasphemy. lam willing to admit, how ever, a grain of truth in Bishop Neville's 1 contention. Precept must at times go in advance of practice, or improvement (not to speak of maintenance of the present § standard) would be simply impossible ; but it is plain at the same time that tho h. doctrine, examined closely, is a justification :: of liypocrisy and it 3 train of spiritual vices. ;.\ x■ :: *,'■ , \ ' ~ The funny thing about the "situation is ' the assumption of Bishop Neville that there ; is something particularly derogatory in the pursuit of the law, which he considers r 4'incompatible with the position of a priest * in the Church of God." Does the Bishop. ' forget that in, .medieval times the practice ■ j-oflaw was entirely in the hands of the clergy? And if ho believes in the apostolic " succession,\is h» not'bound by the example of .the early Church in. permitting this ? It .'-' is no'doiibt true that these priests of the :, Middle Aged wore rather ashamed of taking .the position of advocates in'v?oildly quarrels :'.;»nd : contentions, arid in their' practice of ■>'. [■weiring wigs to hide their shaven crowns .. (the.badge 'of holy orders," just as" the !?■ white choker'" is; nowadays)' we have ■•■■,...-. the origin of the prevalent custom of; legal gentlemen wearing wigs. But they prac- K^ued at the bar none tho less, and though It-profeesing; to do so gratuitously, they had

a littlo bag tacked on to the back of their gowns into which tho client was expected to drop a fee before the case was taken up. From these clerical lawyers sprang the gown worn by advocates to the present day, and on the back of this gown may still be seen a useless puffing, which takes the place of the formerly indispensable money bag. It puzzles mo to see how there can be such a great gulf now between profes sions once so closely allied, just as it baffles tho lay mind to discover any greater enormity in adjusting social and commer cial "jars"than in manufacturing jars of earthenware. Have wo not parsons who have gone into politics, and even tho deeper depth of society journalism, and who yet have never suffered "public degradation" in consequence ? I should like to hear any one hint to the Rev. Mr Green, for instance, that he. should be formally drummed out of the Church because his conscientious convictions led him into politics. No, my Lord; you did a plucky thing in refusing to te bullied out of the position you took up, but I, for one, would have liked better had you never adopted that attitude, which was not only offensive to the individual concerned but insulting to a large and influential body of barristers and solicitors, who are "all honourable men."

It 18 a muoh-conteated point whether doctors kill more "than they euro. Still many paople after carefully studying the mortality records, affirm that there is no doubt on the point. If doctors then so often miss the mark, surely wo shall not wonder if amateurs frequently distinguish them selves in a like meretricious manner. The impudent attempt of Professor Rodgars to perform an accouchement in the north some time ago, although laudable in an amateur as evincing consummate self-assurance and the possession of the lion's heart so necessary to the surgeon, might well cause a great portion of tho popula tion to cry to be safely, delivered from such evils, Burton in his " Anatomy of Melancholy " quotes an instance in which one of the conoubinea of Pope Nicholas 111., on seeing a bear, was brought to bed of a monster, which fact, methinke, would form at once a splendid theme for a modem Boanerges and an undeniable plea for the celibacy of the clergy. The case of a Maori being cured of the colic by standing himon his head and punching him in the region of the stomach displays an ingenuity creditable to a primitive mind. This case affords a curious coincidence with the remedy given in Hewitt's " Rural Life " for the curing of " colick in calves " : — " Give them three punches in ye guts." Lastly, the case of the seaman Eggs, which has provoked bo much comment in the newspapers, though an apt illustration of Necessity's being the mother of invention, yet shows, what risks good-natured ama teurs run. One cannot too much admire the " steady strain " of the operator, nor the persistence of the captain in directing the movement, both worthy of a better cause and a higher appreciation.

It is noteworthy that a great deal of cheap advertising has been done over this and several other cases of late which would do oredit to Sawyer, late Knockemoff. It would be very interesting to know the an tecedents of some of these doctors. Have any of them spqnt a portion of their pre vious lives in counter-jumping and vending sundry articles of haberdashery, hosiery, linen, and woollen drapery ? I make this inquiry in consequence "of the numerous ap plications from the Hospital for old linen, etc. Prophets have no honour, in their own country, but if a man who spends a con siderable portion of his life behind a draper's counter can visit th« old country and return a full-blown doctor, I shall at once become a believer in Darwin's theory of evolution. I believe this and similar coses are rare, but I shall be on the look-but for novelties in medical and surgical matters. - There ought here, certainly, to bo a chair of medical science in order that other aspirants to the dicipleahip of JCscalupiusinay be enabled to begin, continue, and end their medical and surgical curriculum in the colony.

I perceive, with an amused interest, that Mr Hitehens has made it all up again with his quondam bete noir— the firm of L. D. Nathan and Co. After terriblo accusations and fierce denunciations on. the one hand, and positive denials oa the other, they have kissed and become friends. The scene at the final meeting must have beon highly affecting as well as edifying. Let th» courteous reader picture to himself the florid and debonnair Hitchens falling grace fully upon the ample shirt front of the mild and deprecatory Snoll, and the twain convulsively wringing each other's hands as they mingle their repentant tears. Let him also conjure up the vision of the venerable Hughes exchanging congratu latory compliments and superfine snuff with the fiery and impetuous Greenway, and the ; bland and persuasive Gould joining with the reckless and soft-heartedNeumegen in offer ing up incense to the Angel of Peace and' Reconciliation personified in the figure of the. insinuating Bratsey, After such repeated ebullitions of "bad blood" as there have been on all sides, surely there must have been some slight recourse in the end to "Blood Restorer" for-the superin ducementof kindlier feelings. Otherwise, how could such a recriminative oorroborree, as the last meeting appears to have been at the outset, suddenly develop into a kind of sublimated love-feast, conspicuous for its unctuous flow of'soul ? Did Brassey get at the '.'Restorer" and compound a specific for this singular transformation of gall and wormwood into milk and honey! . If so, let him patent the cure and introduce it more frequently. A slight infusion, for instance, might improve the internal economy of Moore and Townshend's bilious money lenders.

A fortnight since I narrated in these col umns the sorrowful experiences of a youth ful friend at asocial gathering of " goody goody people " who developed a < morbid craze for " Was-in-the-ring," and g,ave over a considerable portion of tha evening to its enjoyment. My shot on that occasion ap pears to have'penetrated the tender cuticle of Mr E. Carr, and the iron to have; entered deep into his soul, for. the appended com munication written upon a sheet bearing the terrible projectile of printer's ink. gum med upon it is undoubtedly the outpour ing qf one in sore travail of spirit:— "Dear Zamiol, —That youthful fnsnd of yours, from whom you received the enclosed information, wants looking after. If he. was present at the- meeting he is a traitor to friendship, and, whether thero or not, a perverter of the truth. There was no tea, no tables, no tickets-, no elderly females en gaged as he so describes. -The truth is this: A number of Sunday -school scholars got up a social meeting and invited others of like age as themselves and spent the evening in innocent enjoyment. The' only elderly fe males present were the superintendent's wife and my wife, who. were, there ; for Mrs Grundy's lake. . The chairman did not engage in the low vulgarity of speech.attributed to him, and I think you owe an apology to about 80 traduced young people who.fear that your.remarks will have the effect of preventing their hay ing another meeting, some of the unco quid people of that BetneL being so very sensi tive to opinions of ths press, " Zamiel." I was there engaged in the games, and I think very little of the man who cannot unbend at times, and engage in the amuse ments of the young.—B. Carr." x ' •• x x

- My first emotion on perusing this terrible indictment was one of amazement mingled with deep sorrow at the shocking perfidy of this " youthful friend," who was possibly " a traitor to friendship," and certainly was " a perverter of the truth." Then with'un utterable yearning my heart went out in deep commiseration towards " E. Carr "and his "80 traduced young'people." By-and by, however, sentiment was displaced by an assertion of the critical faculty, and I began to see that my youthful friend had after all a good defence. His leading fact was inferentially correct, fiea irig that the kissing in the ring had not been denied. Then certain "compunc tious visiting of conscience " had such an abnormal stimulating influence upon the memory that I was forced to hold myself accountable for such small embellishments of the narrative as .the tea, the tables, and the tickets, all of them having been very naturally suggested by Ibe term "social gathering." As for the elderly females well, two of them are admitted to have been present,l and, as Mr Carr himself appears to have been a participant in the osculatory gamer why not they too ? At any'rate, the term "elderly"/ is relative, and to my youthful friend's excited and scared mind, some of Mr Carr's "80 traduced young people " may.-have.seemed a:little beyondma idea of juvenility. ,< ■ : ; ; ... ,;: Besides, some allowance must be made for a little. natural jealousy. Mr E. Carr naively says, "I was there engaged in the games,", and it is just possible that in his amorous perambulations; round, the ring of blushing maidens he may have ! dropped the. handkerchief too frequently ! upon the shoulders of the-inamorata of my I youthful friend,- and kissed her too effusively [jn his, wellrineant...effort ■to produce the reverberatory smack so much 'desiderated by the :Chajrman. The yery idea of such an insinuating young .dog as Mr Edwin

Carr prancing excitedly around the ring, under a soid handicap of 20 odd stone, in a frantic endeavour to capture and kies one's sweetheart, is enough to fire the.heart of any love-strickon-swain, to cloud his judgment, confuse his memory, and prompt his resolve to deeds of revenge. Let Mr E. Carr fer vently congratulate himself that his oscilla tory larcenies have led to no more fearful reprisals than a "random shot" from " Zamiel." My youthful friend has hitherto not shown any wish to glut his ire with the gore of his enemy, but still it is best to be careful. At any moment the British lion within his breast may be roused, and then there might be an awful reckoning to pay ovor that kiss-in-the-ring.

I cordially sympathise with the erotic Edwin in his declaration that he thinks " very littlo of the man who cannot unbend at times and engago in the amusements of the young." Like Bunthorne, lam myself capable of a good deal of "touch-and-go jocularity," and, providing the maidens were fair, coy, and gracious, I will not say that had I been present at this unique social gathering I might not havo been also sus ceptible totheallnrements which inducedmy correspondent, despite his adeposity, to peregrinate that magic ring. At the samo time I hope my "sociable" friond will be prevailed upon to draw tho line somewhere. For instance, it would not do for hiiri to use his position as Chairman of the School Com mittee 03 a means of recommending to tho Board of Education tho authoritative inclu sion of "kiss-in-the-ring" in the amuso ments of the young, for tho teachers as well as tho Committees would be bound to follow suit and popularise the pastime. Lot him preach no such dangerous doctrine either through the press or at tho Committee meetings, for duels would again bocomo fashionable, and our newspaper reporters bo plunged into a giddy whirl of blood-curdling sensations, if promiscuous kissing bocamo the mode. At the samo timo Mr Carr may send me a ticket'for his next " sooial gathering."

The wondorful sagacity of dumb animals lias formed the subject of many a tall American cram, and lias also served to render attractive tho pages of innumerable Sunday - school story books. Unlike the mendacious Yankee, I am not given to romancing, and hence tho following littlo incident, which has boon related to me, will serve as an addition to the good little stories for good littlo boys and girls;—A friend of mine lost his dog tho other day, and, of course, advertised for it in the Evkninu Stab. Immediately after that evening'B issue of " your valuable journal" appeared thedogcamehomedraggingbahind him half a soil of rope, one end of which was knotted round his neck. There was lothing astonishing in all this, but there certainly was in thu fact that the sagacious brute carried in his mouth a copy of the Star in which the advertisement concerning his whereabouts appeared. Talk about the useleesnesa of advertising after that I

Some strange stories ar« current respect ing the personal property of the man Jones, who was run over by his cart in Parnell the other day and killed. It is not for me to say whether the allegations made.are founded on fact, but in the interests ttf the public I consider it my duty to repeat the circumstances as I heard them, and leavs the matter for the proper authorities to in vestigate. My readers will remember that the accident happened on a Monday, which is recognised amongst bakers to be pay-day. Jones had been out three hours, and there is reason to believe that during that time he was the recipient of a considerable sum of money. In fact, the boy who was assist ing him paid over several amounts which he himself had recoived from customers. The question is now being asked, "What became of that money?" When the friends of the deceased inquired at the Hospital, they wero told that there wag none found on the body, while the police say they havo nothing belonging to deceased. in their possession. It ii true that Jones's sister received Id and a bundle of bills from an Hospital nurse, but where did the other money go to? Constable Hobson accompanied the injured man to the Hospital, and surely it was his duty to secure the effects. There is a screw loose somewhere, and it should be tightoned to some purpose. Jones must havo had a goodly sum of money in his possession .when he mot with tho accident. The police know nothing about it: the Hospital authorities profess ignorance, while the man in tho dead-house admits having searched the body, but as serts CLat he found nothing but tho bread book which he handed over. It is quite evident that the money was taken care of by someone, but whether with honest or dishonest motives remains to bo seen. Suf ficient time has now elapsed to permit of the cash being returned and the mystery elucidated. if no account is givoa of the missing money, it is tho duty of tho police and Hospital authorities to have a strict investigation inado.

That little difficulty in connection' with Ponsonby society dances, to which I re ferred in a recent issue, has repeated itseK at the Thames. A select Quartzopolis circle who kept up a series of dances lost year decided to go in for one of the Leap Year style. Invitations were accordingly sent out, but one young lady, becoming piqued because the invitation was delivered late, jumped to the conclusion that she had just escaped being ignored by the " upper suckles," and determined to arrange for an opposition hop. She accordingly fixed upon Thursday night for her party, sot society by tho ear<! by circulating rumours calcu lated to raise the iro of several young fellows who had been invited to tho other dance, and, with the asiistanco of her other friends, did all in her power to damage one and make the other a success. It is, however, satisfactory to know that though her own dance was very enjoyable, ths other, which came off on the following night, was equally pleasant.

A proverb says " those who livo in glass houses must not throw stones;" but it often happens that the inmates of. glass houses are in danger from the missiles of others. In the usually quiet thoroughfare of New market, possibly owing to the pacific in fluences of the Good Templars (a very numerous body in tl:at district), a police constable is rarely wanted, and, conse quently, Constable Graham has been popped into a glass house, not absolutely for ex hibition, but because it was the most con venient place, temporarily at least, to en sconce him in. A constable, however, must uot complain of his official circumstances, but must bear his lot in silence even in a glass case. The said constable is a quiet, unassuming man, and has suffered consider able inconvenience in consequence of the disastrous fire at the Royal George which destroyed his shingled domicile in the night, and in a few minutes reduced the building to ashes. To grapple with a fire in such a locality is almost comparable to bush-fight, ing, where the difficulty of crushing the enemy consists in tho awkwardness of getting at him. The story of this fire has already been chronicled, but not the story of the glass house, which had been deserted some weeks previously by an erratic photo grapher. It is not the glass house, pretty enough in its glitter in the sunshine, that is tho special cause of complaint, but its wretched and ungenial condition; in fact, the Newmarket glass house is not fit for a human habitation. It is one of the most uncomfortable homes imaginable. On a recent foggy, night a person had occasion to seek the constable, and found him in his crystal office. Tho weather was bitterly cold, and through convenient summer cre vices the pitiless winter wind blew, while tho incoming rain trickled down its dilapi dated walls. The constable did not com plain, but I could not help thinking that Government might afford a decent shelter for a deserving officer and worthy man.

Some of those goody-goody people who went to the Young Men's lecture-room last Monday night to applaud Professor Aldis in his sweeping denunciation of gambling, were no doubt somewhat surprised when ha hit out so very hard on tho lottery business, and stigmatised bazaar raffles as " quite as bad as gambling on the racecourse," It must, too, have made a few wince when the lecturer likened those who spent their shillings and half-crowns in church raffles, whereby to raise funds for religious pur poses, to those money-changers and sellers of doves who in the olden days were cast put of the sacred temple because "that houße was to be called a house of prayer, and they had made it a den of thieves." The rebuke, I believe, was accepted by a good number present, for how many churches in the city have not at some time or other dabbled m raffles? and how many of their Christian members can say with truth that they never took part in such trifling gam bling transactions? Very few, I am in clined to believe. And not only this, but if these church bazaar raffles lead young men, as Professor Aldis would have us be lieve, to greater feats of gambling, how much have some of the shining lights of our local sanctuaries to answer for ? and how wicked all those pretty girls must feel who have from time to time canvassed the visi tora..to their church bazaar for "only a shilling, sir; do in for this raffle, won't you ?" with bewitching smiles and artful wiles enough to get money out ef the most

miserable old miser that over had an exist ence. But as for myself, I cannot quite agree with the Professor Ho tells us that raffles are games of chance, that games of chance aro gambling, and that gambling of any kind is bad ; but I am under the im pression that there are very many worae things than a bazaar raffle.

"Zamiel" has been to achurch bazaar, and who has not ? And when half & dozen young girls with sparkling oyes and bustling with animation begged that he should put his name down for half a dozen raffles, he did ao, and the cost was exactly six shillings ; but when another bovy of beautiful (always beautiful at church bazaars—they are got up so nicely, you know) maidens came buzzing round with wax dolls, pin-cushions, babies' rattles, rat traps, and without a bluah implroed him to buy them all, and then, when he declined with the most pleas ing smile which he could muster, a still worse fate befel him. Tho beauties con cluded that if their unfortunate visitor had no need for fancy articles he would undoubt edly requiro some plain goods; and thon poor "Zmniol,1 horrible to relate, was almost smothered with youngsters' bats and dressos, small pants for very small boys, and under clothing of all descriptions. Thon ho prayed that everything should be a raffle, and aftor a terrible quartor of an hour ho got rid of his tormentors by making a bold rush for the door. Ho did not ask for a "pass," and now ho is undor the impression that bazaars have many ovils, but that—Professor Aldis's reasoning to the contrary — raffles aro amongst the least, for by parting a Colonial Robert to each of your lady friends you are considered a vory lino follow, while if you decline to spond £5 for a cushion worth 10s, or £2 on a purchaso worth Cs, you aro looked upon as tho meanest and most miser able wretch they have ovor cast their oyes on. lam informed Profossor Aldis has not beon to a colonial bazaar yet, and I am in clined to think that when ho doos he will chango his conclusions vory slightly, and believe cither that there should be no bazaars at all (and that would be bad for tho churchos), or olso that rallies should bo allowed as the easiest and mildest kind of torturo to bo tried on tho hosts of young men who will go with monoy in their poc kets, and at whatever cost, just to boo tho girls, and to ascertain what other unfor tunates have been victimised.

The pedagogic little Jaok Hornor, who, when plac»a in a corner, cried " What a good boy am I," does not appear to have secured 'much sympathy by his. indignant outpouring of wrath, which may be said to have fallen over the heads of both tho Board of Education and the City Schools Committee like water on a duck's back. There are people who, when they fall into a ditch, desire to drag everybody olso in, and Mr Brabazoo, if we may judge from his letter which has boon already published, appears to have some slight tinge of this character in his nature The facts are that he was no sooner informed that his services were to be dispensed with than he flared up in a column opistlo, in which bo tells us how he naver neglected his duty, how he uover got drunk, now he never read a paper in school, how he never bocame bankrupt, what he gavo up to please the Board of Education whon they offered him the Government school, and lost but not least how many (thirteen) children he hod. Tho last argument, as one member of the Com mittee remarked, was no doubt a special qualification for the head-master of a public school, and tho remark is recommended to the rest of the teaching fraternity for earnest consideration. I think Mr Brabozon mado a great mistake in attempting tho little Jack Hornor business, by drawing attention to what he evidently considers his own virtues, through the moans of uncalled-for allusions to tho failings or misfortunes of other teachers who still maintain their en gagements under tho Board,

When the Evenino Star reported that Mr Brabozon's letter was listened to by tho Committee with variad fealingu—feel ings of amazement, awe, and irrepressible humour, it was very correct, but could not in those few words oonvty any idea of what really took place. How, for instanco, the members (all sober men and true) could not refrain from roars of laughter as Mr Brabazon's unique epistle was unfolded,and how, during the discussion which followed, some rather severe remarks were mado. Ons member said with wonderful gravity that ho considered it to be the duty of thoCommittoo to send for Dr. Philson, and that ho should bo requested to examine Mr Brabazon for the purpose of ascertaining whether he was a fit subject to bo at large, and anothor wanted tc keep tho letter out of tho papers, for fear the writer's condition might be brought too prominently under the notice of tho authorities. Another gentloman ro tated a curious incident. It will bo better perhaps not to state where it took place, but it is too good to bo lost to posterity, so I record it. There was, he said, a school in Auckland in which a most torrible thing happened. An assistant master one day found that a scholar had given remarkably good answers to several questions in writing, and ho sent the boy up to show them to the head--master for approval, when to his infinite disgust the latter laid hold of the pupil roughly, seized the cane, and thrashed the promising boy—for what ? why for doing his lessons well, and that he remarked was what some people called " keeping in a good temper."

If I were to say that " Zamiel" was onso under the tutorship of the now notable Mr Brabazon, probably some of my readers would not have the slightest hesitancy in ac cepting the statement as gospel, so I do not intend to press the matter. However, pupil or no pupil of the illustrous pedagogue, I have some reminiscences to record. Mr Brabar.on, as I recollect him many, very many years ago, was much troubled by two things—rheumatism and a horror of tobacco. On one occasion some naughty fellow broko a pane of glass in the school window, and a glazier' was hired to replace it. He commenced operations from the out ride .of the window, and very shortly a strong odour of tobacco was wafted through the school through the aperture in tho glass. Mr Brabazon became exceedingly angry, walked near the window, and ordered the glazier to come round to the door till he had a word with hhn. The workman acceded to hia request, but as ill-luck would have it, he carried the offend ing pipo in his mouth. He even failed to remove it upon appearing before the schoolmaster, who in a great temper snatched what he afterwards termed the " disgusting object" from the man's mouth, and pitched it into the street. The glazier must have been a mild peaceful man, for I am told he offered not the slightest remon strance, and proceeded to put the pane of glass in, minus the pleasing influences of the fragrant weed.

Mr Brabazon had some remarkable youths in his school during the old days, their principal characteristics being a wonderful aptitude for small armies and periodical wars, in which yellow clay as missiles, and tho ends of korosine tins for shields, formed conspicuous features. They had the reputation of being able to thrash any •ether school for miles round, and many were the bruised limbs and blackened eyes which resulted from their sallies in search of antagonists worthy of their—l was going to say "steel," —but "mud"is probably the more correct word. Many a time did these schoolboy freaks lead to a wholesale caning, and more than once the schoolmasser met his match. On one occasioa he pro ceeded to carry out a promise to thrash a powerful young fellow, who now is a well-known member of the tonsorial art, and has a shop in the town. He picked, the young fellow up, and attempted to run the youth's head between his knees in order to facilitate caning operations, but the pupil was too wide awake to submit to such elegantly administered torture, so twisting his logs round the understandings of his tutor he brought him to the ground, and amidst the laughter of his schoolmates he absconded to avert the wrath which threat ened to be poured on his unfortunate body, in the event of his 'remaining within arms' length of the indign g t pedagogue. There are many other incidents worth relating, but I will leave them to some ambitious pupjl of the "old school" who may be anxious for to shine in the " high poetic line," and publish a two-volume book on " Reminiscences of Auckland School-boy Life in the Olden Days''

THE GARDEN.

Calendar of Operations, June 14.

(Hortus Is willing to answer any queries. Cor respondents muat give their full names and addresses, though not for publication.]

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Animal Charcoal (A.B.).—When imlng tho abovo for manure, it should bo treated with sulphuric acid to mako its phosphates avail able for immediate action on tho crops. Though animal charcoal is valuable, it is not nearly so valuable as tho same weight of bono dust, tho action of flro having driven oiFsomo of the most valuable constituents.

WniTK Bug on Vines -(Grapes).—Wlion tho leaves fall, prune tho vines and clear cuttings and loaves away and burn; then rub oil all loose bark of vino, stem, spurs, &o.; paint with Goshur's compound, Bozs. to a gallon of water, using It ns warm as tho hand can con veniently bear, and taking caro that no crack or orovioo in tho atom or branches is missed. A fow days uftorwards, give tho vino a coating of tho following mixture: One part sulphur, ono part cow dung, ono part oliiy, one part Hmo — those mixed up to a thin pasto, with water in which tobacco leaves have beon boiled. Thon liavo all tho woodwork paintod, taking especial care that every eornerororovieo of the houso rocoives a thorough overhaul, ns tho bugs liko to wintor in corners. Also, all tho surfaca soil inside tho houßo should bo romoved, and replaced with now. In tho spring keep a sharp look-out for any stray bugs that may havo escapod you in tho winter overhaul. I am sorry that the bugs havo troubled you so much ; they must havo boon nogleoted. In tnis wook's umttor I also givo tno exporlonco of an English grower, and tho remedy ho resertud to. You will neod to resort to strong measures.

Rkmedy fob Mildew on Vines (Vine).— Sulphur Is used. At a reoont meeting of the Academy of Scioncos in San Franoiaoo, Dr. Arthur W. Saroe, of Santfl, Claro, according to tho " Prairio Farmer," made a statement of a eerlos of experiments mado by himself during tho past row yoars, to tho offoot that a solution of copper sprinkled over grape vines just boforo tho starting of tho buds ia far bettor than sulphur to prevent mildow, boinif oheapor and nioro oaxily applied. Ho stilted thatauringin noseaaonhadhoßoonany signs of mildow when housod this solution j but one year ho negleoted to apply it, and tho roault wns that tho vinos wore badly ull'ootod. Our Information dooa not convey the quanti ties usod, nor how to mako tho solution, but on application to a ohomist, ho, -perhaps, could give our oorroanoadent information, wnion might induce him to oxporlmont In this direction.

Walks.

Goon, dry, sound walks are a necessity in all gardens, especially during tho" winter months. Gardens in which thoro is only the natural soil for tho walks are heavily handi capped in tho way of working, To make those good it must cost a groat deal of trouble and oxpense, but they are better demo well at first. Tho bost way to make theso is to take out all tho soil in tho walk or drive to a depth of nine or ten inches. At each sido of tho verge, if possible, place a drain-pipe six inches deep, then get rough scoria ash; if suoh is not to be had any rough materials such as broken brick bats, shingle, stonos, oto.j placo this on tho bot tom of tho walk or drive to tho dopth of five inches j on tho top of those put two or three indies of tino scoria onh, fino gravol, or, if no other its to bo had, fine coal ashos. After this is spread put a hoavy roller over the surface, binding it down at onco, thus making a walk or drive which will last for years. Planting Nurses. With tho judicious planting of good nurso trees almost Any shrub or treo which suits the climate of New Zealand may be mado to grow anywhere Without it there aro hundreds of places whore all the best of our introduced and native ornamental and use ful trees and shrubs would not be able to live. Plant choice trees and shrubs in their proper positions, and at tho distanco apart which you may .vish thorn. Then plant plenty of mines—pines, cyprossos, or any thing that grows quickly. Let all inter vening spaces be filled up with these nurso trees, planting them vory thickly if the position be very bleak. Tho functions of thcio nurses aro to holp tho other tress to grow. Thon when theso nurses begin to interfere with tho permanent troes, limbo from tho nurses should bo cut away every year till at last the whole nurso can bo taken down. Novor allow tho nurse to in toi'fero in tho slightest with tho symmetrical proportions of tno troo it was planted to protect. How often in Now Zealand do wo eeo tho nurses allowed to interfere with good subjects—in fact, entirely spoiling them, making them ono-eided troos. This ' in a measure is allowed through th« mistaken idea of the proprietors that a troa onco planted should be allowed to grow. Such ideas aro sometimes carried to such an extent that evory treo is spoiled before remedial measures are taken — too lato to nave tho symmetrical appearance of the plants or shrubs. Thin out nurses when over they are in tho slightest interfering with tho permanant plants.

Lomon Syrup,

At this soason of the yoar lemons are usually plentiful. It mightjdo some good, thoreforo, to print the following receipt how to make good lemon syrup:—Press your hand on the lemon and roll it back and forth briskly on the tablo to make it squeeze more easily; then press tho juice into a bowl or tumbler, never into a tin; strain out all the Beeds, as they givo a bad taste; remove all pulp from the peel, and boil in water, a pint for a dozen pulps, to extract the acid. A few minutes boiling is enough, then strain the water with tho juice of the lemons ; put lib of white sugar to one pint of the juice; beil .ten minutes, bottle it, and your lemonado is made. A tablo tpoonful or two of this lomon Byrup in a glass of water makes a cooling, healthful drink. Mealy Bug and Soale on Vines. Many times during the last season I have been asked for a good receipt to kill1 the above insect on vinos. There are a good number of methods, which give a partial success. While reading the "Journal of Horticulture," I met with the following, which I will reprint, hoping it will be of use to some of the numerous vine-growers around Auckland:—Mealy bug has been a great trouble to me ever since I became re sponsible for the production of grapes; and anyone who has nad experience with this pest may imagine that things reach the climax when it takes to the bunches. For twelve years I have been carrying on a con flict with it on my vines, which, I must con fess, has been more injurious to the vines than to the insects, for, although I at timai flattered mvsolf I had them (the bugs) al most abolished, with the summer they again appeared in surprising numbers. Year after year nothing that appeared in the "Journal" about mealy bug escaped my eager eye, but till lost year I hod come to the conclusion that there was no extermi nation like good manipulation, both in winter and summer; and by o'oae picking I was enabled to keep them from doing much injury to the grapes. I tried Mr W. Taylor's remedy against all such pests, namely petroleum, bat that did not prore so efficacious in a benefioial lorm as it did in an injurious one." But, in justice to your highly intelligent correspondent, I did not apply it as he gave instructions, for I obtained a wooden trough, into which I put a certain number of gallons of water, and then as many glasses of petroleum, and in this trough I immersed my vines. But I found a few vines at the first felt the full strength of the oil, and tho remainder very little ; so much the better for me, as these first dipped were nearly killed. But, towards the last, it had but little effect on either vines or bugs. This having been done after pruning, the oil entered the open pores of tho cuts, and henco the damaging effect on the vines. At last I boliovo I have, through the pages of the good old " Journal," found a remedy, and can exclaim "There is nothing like tar." Many thanks to Messrs Pettigrew and Murray for their recipe of coal tar and clay for mealy bug on vines. Last Beason I at once prepared some according to recipe (see " Journal" for December 14th, 1882), and applied it to the vines very much infested with bug ' m without much previous scraping, and I now can tell your correspondent, M.A.A., in the "Journal" of the 20th ult.,. that it has E roved to my joy a complete success. I aye had no trouble ever since with my vines, and they are now comparatively clear of this horrible pest. The other day I pre pared some for this winter's dressing of equal parts of clay and coal tar mixed with water, to the density of good cream, which I find it retains till all is used. I apply it with a painter's brush, filling all holes, young wood and all. The vines rather seem to like this paint, as mine never grew so strongly as this summer. Again permit me to thank the above-mentioned gentle men for making known what to me and many others must be a great boon.—J.' Kennedy, Comber, County Down. In Auckland I know there are a few of the vineries affected by the abevo pest I hope some of the growers will try the above remedy this winter. While doing so, the" house ought to receive a thorough over haul ; all the woodwork must be thoroughly cleaned. The surface soil in the house should also receive a dressing-^of some materials that would kill any insect that might re main on the ground, as a few left would soon be able to breed sufficient to re stock the whole house again. If the above is tried, I hops the result will be made public, ■

A LADY'S LETTER FROM LONDON.

Feminine Facts, Fanolos, nnd FrlvoUtloe.

[By Klise.]

Court Mourning a Sad Trial—Tims Queen's Fcnkrbaii Consolations — The Young PniNojsßßß of Walks in Black — Sfrinq- Dhksses and Fashions-" Studio Sunday" —PICTURES OK TUB YlfiAlt—THß BEST CHAM PAQNB—A NEW DItBSB FOR THE QUEEN — Photos, to Royal Personages—Laurence Barrett's Debut — An Elizabethan Othbllo— Mary Anderson's Betibk—" My Partner " — The Carl Rosa Opera Com pany : Twenty-fifth Season of Monday "Pops" —This Ricrtkr Concerts — Tnn Late if. J. Byron—CnAS. Reads—Edmund Yatks and Lady Stradbrokk — How it all Camb Round-A Good Story.

London, April 29,

Dear Mn Editor,—l hopo I shall not shock you vory much if I let your readors know in confidence that aome of us aro getting just a wro bit tired of the fuss people still porsist in making over the death of the poor, dear Duke of Albany. Fancy having to go into mourning at the very commencement of summer for six weeks. It Beems too dreadful. A friend of mine, a charming woman, but sadly independant, declares nothing shall induoo her to make horself uncomfortable for so long, and that she moans to droas as usual next week. Of coursp, nothing can come of her resolve unless some ill-natured friend tails the Court officials, but it is certainly running a risk. Ladies in society who disregarded thoQueon'sinjunctionsaboutwoaringmom'n ing for the Prince Consort wero struck off tho Lord Chamberlain's list and debarred from attending all Court balls, State concerts, and drawing-rooms for three seasons after wards. This, I can assure you, is a v«ry Horious punishment. It means social anni hilation for the time being, as people do not care to bo aeon in your company lest they too should incur Royal displeasure.

Tho Quoon does not insist upon crape, even her ladies-in-waiting ore relieved from this infliction, but sho requires that tho period of mourning shall bo strictly observed. As John Brown used to say, " When Her Majesty mourns she mourns." "Truth" remarks, perhaps a little ill naturedly, that the Queen seems to take a morbid pleasure in ceremonies of a mournful nature, and to almost rovel in all the under taker's dotails as to coffins, services, graves and monuments. Certainly she seldom seems as active and vigorous as when superintending something of tho kind.

Th« Princess of Wales, on the other hand, has a womanly horror of death-trappings and crape. Tho mourning dresses provided for tho Princesses Louise Victoria and Maude are of plum black vicugna, abso lutoly untrimmed, savo with pleating* of the same materiel. Tho skirU have alter nate wide pleatf and rows of narrow ones half-way up. Tho bodicei lia-ro short pleated tunics attached to them, which fall orer the upper part of tho skirts to meet theso lower pleats on the skirts. Nothing could be simpler or neater. They were theso at tlis Chaplo Royal on the Sunday after their uncle's death, to tke amazement of tho congregation, who fully expected to see them deluged in crape.

I notico that most of the spring dresses are being made with waistcoats, and in lieu of buttons many arc fattened with buckle*. For evening a novel idea is a waistcoat mad* entirely of flowers, and for day wear another of Russian leather. Finkcd-out (lowers of tho material and rows of ribbon velvet nro used for trimming on skirU, though plain panels and tronts of tho figured material, unitod to tho rest of tho skirt by long looped bows, is a style which obtains, and needs but little other trimming. Skirts aro draped at the back, but not bunched up, and the ungraceful puffings so trying to the figure have almost gono out. A lady who poHKoefics great taste, and occasionally writes a fashion article for "CaßseU'e, thinks that tailor-mado stuff dresses, with brood box-plaitH from waist to hem, will be fashionable: the tunic pointed in front and just arranged in a double drapery at the back, tho pointed bodice having a narrow basque at tho back, and Tudor collar, viz., a wide straight band with corners turned down in front. Anothor well-arranged dress she describes has a velvet plaited front breadth and waistcoat; over it a red redingato cut as jacket, bodice loose and only fantentd with a (trap four inchei be low tho n»ck. Under the short-pointed basque at tho side is a sido-pieee, braided across in closo-sot rows of three, a button heading each row. This ratots the back, which nan double draperies over a knife plaiting all in cloth.

" Studio Sunday " (which moans the day on which artists of not* invite their friends to inspect the works they are about to send in to the exhibitions at the Royal Academy and the Grosvenor) is over, and in a day or two the soramble for " privato view " ticket* will exercise all well-regulated mind.]. The pictures of the year seem likely to be Alma Tadama's wonderful rep resentation of an old English pottery at the time the Romans were ruling the country, and Luke Filde's picture of a hot summer afternoon on the Grand Canal at Venice. Millais will, as usual, contribute t'vo or throe portraits, and Boughton hiu idealised Mary Anderson almost as success fully as Mrs Yopling did Ellen Terry. The moat interesting picture I have seen so far is Herkomor's pathetic " Emigrants' Home at Castle Garden, New York," a startling revelation of the trials and hardships which tho countless polyglot emigrants endure, who are shot ashore daily into this dark and murky refuge. We see, of course, only a corner of the big building, but into it are crowded quite a gallery of story-telling figures. One,little group especially went to my heart. On the floor, with her head supported by a dirty bundle, lies a young wife with a baby at her breast, and evi dently sick unto death. Beside her kneels the husband, a comely German, who tries to persuade her to drink some untempting mixture which he hai just made in a pannikin. Bound about their young children are playing. There is a world of weariness in the wife's eyes, and but for the ohildren she would evidantly welcome death as a release. Her husband, en the contrary, is scared, principally at the pros pect of her illness continuing, and clearly has no notion how serious the case may become.

Tom is busy refurnishing our wine-cel lar, principally with vintages of 1880, which are turning out unusually fine. Last night we had some Moot and Chandon "Brut Imperial of this year, and I liked it.ex ceedingly. Of course you must go to a reli able wine merchant, and be sure to secure the " premier cru " or first crushing. By far the greater part of the champagnes sold under the famous labels of Poinmery, Moot, Mumm, Giesler, Wachter and Co., is third class Vonoray or Moselle. Only the other day the proprietor of a famous Parisian restaurant was prosecuted by Jules Mumm, who proved that the proprietor served a de testable compound containing petroleum as "Jules Mumm and Go.'s " champagne, the waiters' being instructed to satisfy doubtful customers by "ringinp-in" (i.e., rapidlysub stituting) ono of Mumm's genuine corks directly the wine was opened.

At Madame Devy's the other day I saw a pieco of the dress made for the Queen to appear in at her grand-daughter's wedding at Darmstadt. It is of silver and black moire, moat costly and rich, made very plainly, but of such material as to depend on itself alone for beauty. The tram is lined with grey satin, and the whole cos tume decorated with the various orders and diamonds which Her Majesty usually wears en such occasions, would have been most effective. Of oourse, it will not be worn now, at any rate for a time.

Whenever you want a large photo of the Queen, be sure to s«nd for the one taken of her two years ago in full drawing-room robes, with the orders of the Garter, "Vic toria, and Albert, &c, fully displayed, and the famous Koh-i-noor diamond in a brooch. The front of the dress is covered with lace old, exquisite, and absolutely priceless, and it has photographed so well that you can with ease see tho whole design. This photo and a similar one of the Princess of Wales should be in every album.

We have not been to many theatres since we came back to town after the Eaater races, but I hear there is lots to be seen. Mr Laurence Barrett, the American actor who follows Miss Anderson, at the Lyceum met with a tremendous reception on the night of his first appearance. He does not please most of the critics, but then neither did the now idolised "Our Mary " at first. " Yorick's Love," which Barrett chose for his debut, seems to be ah " early English " edition of " Othello." The scene is laid at the time of Elizabeth, and the hero is the low comedian of a troupe of travelling players. He has an idolised young wife and a grown-up son, and theea two, who, it

turns out, were passionately attached to each other in doys gone by, make most flagrant love under the husband and father's oyes. Everybody sees what is going on save the deluded man himself, and towards the end of tho second act, even he grows suspicious. An Elizabethan lago finishes the business, and papa in a fury deliberately stabs his son during a stage-fight ; afterwards ho moralises ovor the cdrpso at great length, and-finally brings down the curtain by taking poison. Laurence Barrett appears from all accounts to bo better in tho lighter than in tho more serious portions of this peculiar play. He never roused the friendly first-night audience to enthusiasm, but neither did he boro them. Probably he'will prove a sueds d'estime.

The people who surround Miss Anderson are doing their best to get her disliked. The taste of most of the London managers prompted them to .close their theatres on the evening of the Duke of Albany's funeral. "Our Mary" decided that (notwithstanding her success was largely due to the cordial kindness and good nature of the Prince and Princess of Wales) she could not forego the shower of bouquets and hurricanes of ap plause that would inevitably accompany her far.ewell night. She advertised say ing the Lyceum would be open, and as usual on such occasions, an immense audience assembled. Judge their anger when they wore told coolly,'' Miss Anderson is ill, and can't appear to-night." Some had waited outside more than an hour. Others came long distances on purpose to be present. A scene of considerable excite ment followed. Nor was the general irrita tion eventually allayed by the publication of a most ill-advised letter from the actress, in which she said Bhe had been perfectly well, and had only closed the theatre be cause on consideration she felt it would be more decent to do so,

Do you remember a popular American play called "My Partner," which was played by a Yankoe actor through New Zealand some years ago? It has just been produced at the Olympic here, and will, I think, bo a fair "draw." The papers warmly commend some of tho situations, but complain of the proainess of the author's (Bartley Camp bell) dialogue, and of his lack of humour.

The Carl Rosa Opera Company fijl Drury Lano to overflowing nightly. Friends of ours went to Bee "Montana" last Satur day without securing seats beforehand. They found every stall taken, and only a private box on the pit-tier available. The »rawe en scene is fully equal to Covent Garden during the Italian season, and the orchestra and chorus simply perfection. Mr Mackenzie's "Colombo" has been played onceor twice with great success, and to-night " The Canterbury Pilgrims," a new and original opera by Mr Villiers Stanford, will be produced for the first time. The works that draw mammoth audiences are, how ever, thos« old favourites " The Bohemian Girl" and "Maritana." Talking of music reminds me that on the 14th tin twonty-fifth season of the world-renowned Monday popular concerts of classical musia (or Monday pops as they are more generally called) came to a close. A concert over which Mr Louis Engel (the "Worlds musical critio) goes into hysterics of laudation, signalised the occasion, and an album containing the musical autographs and photos of Halld, Hollander, Janotha, Joachim, Marie Krebs, Norman- Ndruda, Piatti, Ries, Richter, Madame Schumann Santley, and many other cele brities in the same line, presented to the inaugurator and manager, Mr Arthur Chap poll. The album is further rendered in valuable by a sketch of Sappo by Alma Tadeina, and an autograph poem dedicated to the " Founder of the Yeast," by Robert Browning.

Classical music is not muoh in my line,, I'm ashamed to say, but I certainly mean to go and hear Alfred Collier's cantata on "Gray's Elegy " next time they give it at tha Albert Hall. I shall also try and per suads some one to sco me through the Richtor concarts thii season. The first one came off on Monday last, and every one has been talking since of the magnificent rendering of the " Voripiel," from Wagner's " Paruful" and Beetkoven's symphony No. 3 (Eroica). People who prefer more frivolous music still flock to see " Princess Ida," which, strange to say, has been a failure in New York. Miss Kate Santloy has made a great hit at the Royalty Theatre with "La Cosaque," a vaudeville by Herne, which I hope to see before writing again. *

I was sorry to read the other day of the death of Mr H. .J. Byron, the author of " Our Boys "and more than 100 other pieces. He was for many years a mcßt prolific and successful author; in fact, very few dramatist* have over earned so much as he at one time did. His lucky star reached its zenith with the production of " Our Boys," which,thanks to a phenomenally strong cast, enjoyed what will very likoly hethe champion long run of the century. Byron's best work was, in the opinion of competent judges, done bofore "Our Boys." For private theatricals few more amusing plays time his " Old Soldiers " have been written. It is a safe piece to select, well within the crijm bilitiei of amateurs, and sure to (ticoeed. His best work of all, however, is that admirably constructed comedy, "Cyril's Success.

Do you like a soul-thrilling story of crime and mystery! If so, I can recommend you two. The first it called the " Leaven worth Case," by Anna Katherine Green, and ran serially through the Auckland Star some years ago. It has now been published for the first time in England, complete, and maybe obtained anywhere for 3s 6d. The other is by Farjeon, and bears the title of " The House With the White Shadows." In the course of three lengthy volumes you get almost every sensation conceivable to the mind of morbid mankind. Don't suppose for an - instant I compare these Btones with such melo-dramatic master pieces as Wilkie Collins's "Moonstone" or Sheridan Lefann's " Unole Silas." I simply recommend them to avid readers like myself who devour all they can lay their hands upon.

So poor old Charles Reade is dead. . H« was not a favourite author of mine, nor have I ever hod much sympathy with what Tom calls his "rampant Philistinism." No doubt he meant to do good, and did do good in a way, but there was always so much bitterness and unkindly feeling in his onslaughts that the sympathy of the reader strayed unconsciously from the attacker to the attacked. The newspapers have gushed excessively in their obituary articles. Ad mitting that Chas. Reade's "novels, with a purpose," were useful as well as entertain ing, and models of " pure incisive English," I cannot admit that he was "the master mind among living novelists." The best book Reade ever wrote, in my humble opinion, was " Put Yourself in His Place," which unquestionably struck a vital blow at the brutalities of Trades Jnion ism. "Hard Cash," too, drew at teation to the necessity for inspecting private lunatio asylums, and "Never Too Late to Mend," both as a novel and a play, has always been a great success. Of late years Chas. Reade's genius decayed, whilst his bitterness increased. At the time of his death he was writing two novels, both of which are unfinished.

We women feel so sorry for poor Mr Edmund Yates, who of all men is most genial and bonhomie. Fancy being impri soned for four months on account of a wretched paragraph which appeared in your paper when youwere away from home, and which you did your best to remedy directly you saw it. The men gloat over the discomfiture of the editor of the " World," and rather excuse Lady Strad brokc. It seems she is a relative of Lord Lonsdale's, who offended her in some way. The stupid woman wrote the paragraph to annoy him and Lady Westmereland (whom, she knetf, he rode with somewhat often at hunt meetings) thinking they alone would recognise whom it was meant for. Lord Lonsdale never reads the "World" but Lord Westmoreland does, and he fitted the cap on to his wife at once and was furious. Lord Lonsdale, left to himself, would, for many reasons, have preferred to pass the mat ter over, but Lord Westmoreland insisted on criminal proceedings being pushed relent lessly to the bitter end. Lady Stradbroke, however* has been punished. In addition to the esclandre her name has been struck off the Lord Chamberlain's list for the present season; indeed, the Queen would have banned her eternally but for her regard for Lord Stradbroke, who is a singularly blame less person. I think I told you how when people were discussing the paragraph at a dinner party Lord Stradbroke (who was the only person present ignorant that it was attributed to his wife), observed, "The woman, whoever she is, deserves to be cow hided." There was amazed silence, which, must have sadly puzzled his lordship at the time, though I daresay he thought it natural enough a few days later.

Something Choice, Wholesale and Retail at Aiokin's, The Pharmacy, Queen-street.— Poar'a3o per cent. Pure Glycerine Soap, Pear's Transparent Shaving-Sticks and Cakes, Pear's Toilet Carbolic Soap, Pear's Rouge and Poarl Powder, Pear's Violet Powder, Pear's Pure Curd Soap, Bolgian Rose Soap, Belgian Opopa nax Soap, Colgate's Cashmere Bouquet Soap, Colgate's Jockey Club Soap, &c, &., Genuine Bau de Cologne, three sizes. " ~

THE MANIAC SURGEON.

vM Story from the Prlw Winner. "Smokimo carriage, sir?" asked the tip expecting porter, as he bore my rugs and minor packages along the platform. I saw " Yes " and he made me comfortable, and received his sixpence. Then the guard came to lock after my well-being, but got nothing mor than innocent gratitude, which was, perhaps, all he desired. I have no doubt that I did him injustice in attributing his efforts to induce a fat old gentleman with a cough, a lean old gentleman who was snuffy, and a middle-aged gentleman enve loped in wraps, the lower part of whose faca> was covered up like a female Turks, an evident window shutter, to so enter my carriage in order to spite me. You may lead a horeo to the water, or an anti-niootinian old gentleman to a smoking carriage, but you can't make him get in ; and wlen each'in turn put his head into my compartment he jibbed, for some of the late occupants ofvit had been cigar, not pipe, smokers, and it was rather strong, bo -i was apparently left alone-alone with the "Time?," the comic weeklies, and a modern The doors were banged, the engine whistled, the train began to move, it would not stop again till we got to Peter borough, so that I was safe to be undis turbed so far. There Were six seats, and 1 could occupy as many of them as a limited number of members permitted. I almos* wished myself an ootopus, to take full advantage of the situation. " Calining down, I hung up my hat, put on a gaudy piece ot needlework won in a bazaar raffle, lit my pipe, cut my papers, and began to enjoy I sat in the loft-hand corner, with my back to the engine, absorbed in a big lawsuit; It is great fun to read a cross-examination, and watch how a clever lawyer will make an honest man perjure himself. "It reads almost like a crime," I remarked aloud; " but then it is an honourable, lawful, and beneficial crime. Soldiers kill peoples bodies, lawyers kill people's reputations, all for the good of society in the long run," While I was uttering the word "run my ankles were grasped suddenly and firmly; then, before I could recover from the shock, they were jerked backwards under the seat with such forte that I was thrown forwards, sprawling, I tried to rise, but my right wrist was seized, and the arm twisted till I was helpless, and presently I found myself on the floor of the carriage, face downwards, a sharp knee being scientifically pressed into the small of my back, and both arms fixed behind me " Hum !" Baid a deliberative voice, " that will be awkward. Lst'e see; ah, these will do." "These" were my stick and umbrella, which someone proceeded to apply as splints to the backs of my legs, using a couple of straps which had kept them together to fix them at the ankle and above the knee. Then I was turned over carefully and tenderly, and for the first time saw my assailant. He was a gentlemanly-looking man, dressed in a black coat and waistcoat, grey trousers, and neckcloth. His hair and whiskers were just turning grizzly, and his chin and upper lip were shaved. He contemplated me, with his chin in his right hand and his right elbow on hi* left hand, and said thoughtfully : " Just so. All for the good of society in the long xun an admirable sentiment, my dear sir ; let it be a consolation to you if I should cause you any annoyance." "Do you know anything of anatomy!" h« asked. I said I did not. "Ah! well," he said; "perhaps you have heard of the spleen ? Exactly. Now, sciance has never as yet been able to find out the use of that organ, and the man who bequeathed that knowledge to posterity would rank with the discoverer of the_ cir culation of the blood, and confer an ines timable benefit on humanity for the remain der of the wood's lease. I propose to dissect you." " You will not get much glory by that," I said, forcing myself to seem to take this outrageous practical joke in good part. " An ungrateful geaeration mayor may not profit by your discoveries, but it will infal libly hang yon." " Not so," he blandly replied. "lam a surgeon, who once had a very considerable practice, but I had to stand my trial for an experiment, which proved fatal, on one of my patients. The jury, unable to under stand the. sacrifices which an earnest inquirer is ever ready to offer at the shrine of science, declared me mad, and I was placed in confinement. You see that I can act with impunity." And he opened the box. I broke out in a cold sweat. Was it real ? Could the man be in earnest t " But," said L. " surely you can get dead bodies to dissect, without having recourse to a crime? And again, if generations of anatomists have failed, in twenty thousand investigations, to discover the use of the spleen—if you yourself have failed hitherto, why should you suppose that this one attempt should be more successful than th» others ?" ---" Because, my dear sir," said the man, with the Bmlle of one who has caught a bright idea, "all former investigations, including my own, hare been made on d«od subjects, while I propose to examine your vital organs with a powerful magnifying glass while they are exercising their normal functions." "What?" I gasped. "You will never have the barbarity " and here my voice choked. " 0 yes; I have conquered that prejudice against inflicting suffering which v natural to the mind enfeebled by civilisation. For many years I secretly practised vivisection upon animals ; I once had a cat, an animal very tenacious of life, under my scalpel for a week. But we have no time to waste in conversation. You will not be put to any needless suffering; these instruments are not my own, blunted for want of use; I took the precaution of] borrowing the cose of the gentleman under whose .care I hare been placed before making my escape." While speaking .thus he toek out the hideous little glittering instruments, and examined them one by one. They were of various appalling shapes, and I gazed upon them with the horrible fascination of a bird under th« power of a snake. Of one only could I tell the use—a thin, trenchant blade, which cut you almost to look at it. He knelt across me, arranged his imple ments on the seat to his right, laid a note book, pencil, and bis watch on that to his left, and took off my neckcloth and collar, murmuring: "The clothes art very much in my way; I wish that you were properly prepared for the operation." "After all," I forced myself to say, "what is ono life to the benefit of the

human race ? Since mine is demanded by science, let me aid you. Remove these bonds, and allow me to take off my coat and waistcoat.'

" Life is sweet; I will not trust you," he said, unfastening my waistcoat, and turn ing back the lapels as far as he could. Then taking a pair of scissors, he proceeded to cut my shirt-front away, so that pre sently my chest was bared to his experi ments. Whether I closed my eyes or was fteized with vertigo I do not know, but for a moment or two I lost sight of everything, and had visions; a sort of grotesque night mare it was, the figures in which I recall but very indistinctly; but I remember that the most prominent of them was a pig, or rather a pork, hanging up outside a but cher's shop, the appearance of which bore a mysterious resemblance to myself. These delirious fantasies were dispelled by a sharp pang —the anatomist had made a first slight incision. I saw his calm face leaning over me, the cruel blade with which he was about to make another and a deeper cut, his fingers already crimsoned with my blood, and I struggled frantically. My operator immediately withdrew his armed hand, and stood erect. Then, watching his opportunity, he placed his right foot on the lower part of my breastbone so that by pressure he could suffocate me.

"Listen, my friend," he said; "I will endeavour not to injure any vital organ, but if you wriggle about I »hall not be able to avoid doing so. Another thing, if you- "

He was interrupted by three sharp whistles from the engine so shrill and piercing as to drown his voice. " Impede me by these absurd couvulsive movements, I shall be compelled' to sever thoee muscles which "

He never completed his sentence. There was a mighty shock, a crash as if all the worlds had rushed - together. I was shot under the seat, where I lay uninjured and in safety, amidst the most horrible din, breaking, tearing, shrieking, cries for help, and the roar of escaping steam. I had strained the bonds which secured my elbows in my struggles, and the jerk of the collision snapped them, so that when I began to get my wits together I found my hands free. To liberate my legs was then an easy matter, but not so to extricate my self—the next thing I set about. The whole top of the carriage, from where the stuffed cushion part ends, was carried sheer away, and amidst the debris which encumbered my movements lay the mangled and-decapi tated body of the madman, who; intending to assail my life, had, by keeping me down at the bottom of the carriage, saved it.

GOSSIP FROM STAGE AND. STUDIO.

[By Euteepe.]

[ understand that an amateur opera com pany is in process of formation for the pro duction of the " Sorcerer "at an early date, ' md that a gentleman has offered to guaran- -'A tee all the necessary expenses. Next week [ may give the names of the principals'.. A first-class piccolo and flute player, im the person of Mr Hutchinson, a retire* " regimental bandmaster, will shortly arrive* in Auckland, for the purpose of settling' down here. At the age of 17 years ha - was bandmaster of the Sfc Helena Kegi ment, and subsequently served with the 12th Regiment in New Zealand. "Since then he has been bandmaster in various ■ regiments, and at the age of 37 years got ' his discharge after 27 years' service. Thews is no doubt that he will prove an acqufeitiba ■' by local musical circles. Ere these fines meet the eyes of my readers he may hava • arrived by the Doric. Mr H. N. Abbott is advertising in the "S. M. Herald" for "a full and efficient dramatic company for a season of sixiLonthg : at Abbott's Opera House, commencing about July next." Salsbury's Troubadours, who were her§ seme six years ago, are now in Canada. Bandmann is playing to poor business in Chicago. America boasts a three-year-old vocal- Miss Genevieve Ward, after a very pros- ■ perous season at Melbourne, opened at ' Sydney on Saturday last. £300 has already been subscribed to the 1 fund for placing Frederick Marshall under medical treatment. ' ■ Katie Putnam, who is expected here shortly, was in Kansas, U.S., when the mail A two-act comic opera, entitled " Rorifa, or, Capid and Cupidity," by GeorjgeSohiaff.1 ■';" arth, has achieved a big succeai in Chicago, The remains of Beethoven and Schubert are to be exhumed from the Wohring Churchyard, and transferred to the Central Cemetery, Vienna. A grand amateur minstrel contest for ten gold medals has been going on at the Halt of Science (Hudson V Theatre), Melbourne, and seven Amateur Minstrel Clubs, located in Melbourno, competed. Nessler, the composer of the opera " The Piper of Hamelin," recently heard in Lou- ; don, has written a new opera, 'VTheTnui peter of Sakkingen," which will shortly be performed at Leipzig. " LouißePomeroyisplayinginSanFraacisco, and, as usual, says a New York "Exchange," the San Franciscans are wondering what \: the deuce ever made their grandfathers,. ; think she was a great actress. Bruno, the dog attacked to Draper's "Uncle Tom's Cabin," a veteran and* big one, departed this life at Mt. Sterling, Ken tucky, on April 12. Draper's company'and ..: brass band assisted at the interment.'. In advertising " Nita's First," the recent , ;: success in London, Eng., Strand Theatre,, the manager caused the streets to be paraded by a small army of " sandwich pen," each of them bearing a dummy baby in hood and ' scarlet cloak. "Mazeppa," a new opera by Tschaikdw- 't sky, was produced for the first time on EcU 15, at the Imperial Opera House at Moscow. The work met with a most enthusiastic re- ■.■.. ception, and the composer was several times called before the curtain. • ; The "New York Dramatic News " styles. X "The Mascotte" as "the opera' : th»£ ? % pleases the bald heads most in the- line':bf the delicately improper." Miss Rose Stella is sustaining the leading part in it at the New Park Theatre of that city. The death is announced, at Brussels, of .; the well-known composer, Eeiiaud de Vil- ■ B bach. M. de Vilbach was born in 1829, and '% -in 1844 held the "prix de Rome" Tuth'.£;J Victor Masse. He died after three days' M lillness of congestion of the brain, caused by overwork. ■'; ■'■; | Williamson, Gamer, and Musgrovc's • Comic Opera Co. are doing so well in Dnnetfiii gj that, although engaged for. Brisbane, they, have arranged to give four supplementary '-i performances. Mr Wallace is as conspicii; ous as ever for bad punning. After drag- " ging in an allusion recently to the victories W of the New Zealand footballers, he brought ': down the house with the remark .that the "steamer" Taiaroa had proved to be in splendid form. . ''.';{

An eccentric {day-goer was. seen re- - cently in a Georgian theatre. Ho was** raw countryman, and it was his first visit to the play. Seeing him staring about in a bewildered manner, a gentleman offered him ■ his opara-glasi. The Joskin took it eagerly and applied it to his lips. Immediately. afterward, handing it back to the owners-he .-: said, disconsolately: " There's notion' Jftto "'• , it!" He had mistaken the opera-glass fjOr •'■ a xchisky flask. One of the highest compliments Edwin Booth, the American actor, ever received / was paid him by an old negro woman, a . family servant, who went to see a perform- , anceof "Richelieu" during Boothsvisit^ir' - Savannah. Giving her impression of the , play to her mistress next day, sho expressed the greatest concern for the health of the . actor. "Poor old man," said <she,: "-He can't last long; dafc cough 'ill carry him-to his grave, shuah I" ■■- .•-"- 't Ida Siddons, an American lady who )i T 'N a band of female minstrels, and whose h« • h hood in exposing herself in the most pri.i i tive cottume to the weather and the public ' is the wonder and admiration of all eiWnji, Mazeppas, and lately received a present 'of V : plush mirror. The giver evidently thougW g that a silvered glass one couldn't stand the M reflection that would be cast upon it. A ' real friend would have given Ida a circular cloak, or a waterproof, to eke out the. \ brevity of her wardrobe. Boucicault's new play "Topsy Turvy '" appears to be a stage success.., It is •aid to be funny nnH V.'c'rr,;' r,t O|)en ■ to criticism. :!.u ...r , a t^y young; .J bachelor about ta wed, ~,, \a con-'1' ? fronted with a- former conquest, {o escape ':■' which he changu places with his vi.!et, who V then finds himself in exactly the same box, .! with a past passion in imminent proximity,-;-vf An endless chain of ludicrous events follow 9 in natural sequence, and, of course, every- ' things ends all right. The dialogue abounds H in.witty exchanges, but very few of the. situations are novel. • -

. Mws Emma Abbott, the American primal donna, recently made up her mind;to put r{& : an end to the hugging and kissing''^ which usually goes on among chorus' gingers while waiting in the wings. To '~;•• effect that admirable object she has ordered -. all her male choristers to marry the female 9 members of the troupe. The ladies, how- V ever indignantly refuge to be disposed of in a thia eummary way, and a deadlooU lias :■■'■< therefore supervened.l The disgusted/-, females say the real object was to save■■ejts » pense by getting married couples at reduce*?.» - salaries. • .-: . v-m i ! .

" Cole's 3-ring circus and menagerie" is touring the States with great success. '■;': Among other novelties he has a "human -■'. fly," a troop of Bedouin Arabs, arid "Tee :- Wee (sic), the Maori Chief" who forms a "' '{ leading attraction of one of the side shows.- : S It will visit California, Oregon, and all- v Western territeries during the season, and '=. it is not altogether improbable that it will ' ■- make a second trip to the Australian ;4 colonies. The stud contains no less than':" 260 horses, besides 10 performing stallions j 4 trick horses j 6 performing ponies; and a■ > school of comical donkeys, racing-pigs,- : riding-goats, riding-monkeys, and riding dogs. The number of men employed is 185.

A stage conjuror named Professor Andrees M is startling Brother Jonathan to an ab normal degree. One of his " tricks "isap-:, parently to render a man unconscioiis, and 1(; while mthis state to amputate one ."arm' and'. 1 one leg and lay them upon a chair, where they still vibrate and show life. The victim • 18 then restored to consciousness, and^". seeing his dismembered limbs, becomes *x rated and, jumping about on his remaining leg, begs to have the limbs replaced. In: < stead, however, he is again made uncon-: Bcious, wien the decapitation takes place. . Completely severing the head from the body m with a huge knife, the Professor then carried the head into the audience for inspection. . In the meantime the body, one log'aud arm, . | are jumping hysterically about the-stage.: Ladies .fainted, strong men grew, ■pale; : ■ children screamed and clung to their : parents and w.ere only quieted by the Prth fessor assuring them that there was no harm' i done, ami to pcpyo ifche reetpred thegentlu manhwhend, lejiancl ami. Then both Step-■ ping to thp <»r V o i f Uio tU'gc, make a polite bow and, the, curtain falls. .■:■'■.;.-.■ ■■'•r^-'•-*•" ■■ ' ' .; "•■;.'■"*- ■■ J : rn

THE AUCKLAND EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, JUNE 14, 1884.

4



OFFICIAL KEPOKT OF THE AS TRONOMEK-KOYAI. "Sydney Observatory, February 26th, 1880. Several of the rate curves respond to the change In the barometer in a way that shows the isochronal properties of their balance springs are not quite perfect. Looking do wn the curves, It beoomes at ones-evident that Watch No. fi, which is No. 670,068, second grade, of the American WaHham Watch Company, is re markably free from these dofocta. and presents the beet rate of all the watches tested. Amongst the cheaper watohes tested. No. 6, whioh is No. 1,221,336 of the American Waltham Watch Company, is worthy of notice; It is a watoh of the sixth grade, yet its performance has been better than that of many very expensive and otherwise flrat-olass watches teßted. Such a watch speaks volumes in favour of the syßtera nndor which it was mado, and is the best com ment upon the accuracy of the machines that produced it H. C. Russell, 8.A.; F.R.A.S., Astronomer - BoyaJ, Sydney Observatory."— [ADYTi] , .