STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT.

AUCKLAND, N.Z., SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1883

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamikl.]

Some write, a neighbour's mure to la h, Somo write—vain though) I—for i.-. ... ul cash, Home writo to please Ihe country clash, And raise a din. For mo, an aim T never fash— I write tor fun.

" Does the profession of politics pay ?" A .pleasant variation from the dreary discussion of teachers' duties, holidays, and remuner ation, might be obtained by biking up this interesting subject, which gives the fullest scope for divergence of opinion, and in re gard to which a number of entertaining facts might be marshalled. I can imagine, in the discussion of such a subjoct, how accusations of log-rolling on the part, of politicians would be bandied about,- -how one would be accused of a bit;land j"b, and another condemned for a bit of axe-grind ing ; and in each instance it would be claimed there was convincing proof of tho affirmative —that politics is a game that feathers the nest of the players. To this there would be the indignant retort that politicians even in New Zealand were not ull sordidly selfish: that there wore noble instances of men who were personally and politically incorruptible, and whose one aim in legislating was to secure the interests of "unborn million.'' who may never bo born at all. Then it would be pointed out, as a proof that politics paid no one. that A. had retired from i'at .lament in older to de vote himself to farming pursuit., that B. had resigned office and emoluments in order to become chairman of a lug pawnbroking concern, while C. had given up the " hono rarium " to the end that, he might preach the Gospel according to the Muggleteninns in the Temple of Truth in a Southern city. And to this would be s;ue to come the "counter-blast thai A. might well retire —on the proceeds of his plunder : that B. had got the title of " Sir." and a wonderful financial influence, of greater value to him in the world of commerce than in the .sphere of polities; and that C. hail simply accepted a call to a large salary which he had secured by means of thu notoriety gained for him by his grotesque antics in the House. From these latter statements it would be claimed that politics paid well, since they had been the means of helping the different individuals into more lucrative positions. xxx On the whole, however, I incline to the negative view, and I'll tell you the reason why. All our politicians are poor men, and many of them have not even coats to their backs. That seems a bold assertion, but let the facts speak. A Commission was re cently appointed to inquire and report upon the Christchurch and West Coast Hallway, and, strange though it may seem, the gen tlemen composing that Commission could not enter upon their duties until a paternal Government had clothed them from the skin outwards. This astounding fact was elicited in Parliament the other day, when the ac counts were produced for supplying the Commissioners with shirts, pant., coats, and vests.. It is alarming to contemplate the state of destitution in which these poor wretches must have been during the recent Cold weather ; for, before the articles named were supplied it is evident that their full dress consisted of hat and boots. Why, Falstaffs ragged regiment, or a collection of scarecrows, would be well clothed by comparison ! Further concern is aroused by the statement that after the labours of the Commission were ended the clothes were taken back by Government and sold by auction. Were the unfortunate Railway •Commissioners, then, left in the airy cos tume of hat and boots'; and is that the usual garb of New Zealand politicians ? People at Home, who have very haz3' no tions of the amenities of Colonial life, might very naturally ask these questions, which puzzle even the Titanicintel loot of " Zamiel," who imagined ho knew all about it. Of this, however, I am pretty well convinced : that politics don't; pay ; and when I am requisitioned by an influential body of citi zens to offer myself as a candidate for honour and tho honorarium, 1 shall firmly decline— without thanks ! xxx A companion farce to that of "The l>cvil Among the Tailor.-; " might be written on the subject of " Lotti Among tho Legis lators." The materials are all lying ready to hand. The talented authoress of " Beds I Have Slept in "(I wonder, I. y-the-by, if she could make a bed) is presently in Wel lington, and, of course, she is making her presence felt. She has been on the popular " stump," butthe sensation she has caused in that sphere is as nothing when compared to the flutter she has created by her advent in the political arena. For no ono now doubts that she is the " lady " correspon dent who some short time ago wrote -a letter to tho "Lyttelton Times " criticis ingour noble Parliamentary representatives, whom she elegantly compared to a " lot of express-drivers," in regardtotheir language, ■demeanour, and manners generally. That letter was bad enough, but a worse inllio tion is in store. I read a few days ago that " a certain lady " had announced that she would issue a book shortly in which she would deal with the New Zealand Legisla ture, and this announcement had carried consternation to the heart of every M.H.R. It Ls, no doubt, a very proper prayer to utter — O. wad somo power the Gif tic pic us To 900 oursela as iUiers see us; but it appears that our worthy senators are by no means burning to see themselves as they are seen by the critical eyes and jaundiced judgment of Madame Lotti Wil mot. Hence they are all, or nearly all, anxious to know who provided " a certain lady " 'with a pass to visit . the House, in the hope of being able to re venge themselves on him in some way. I am told there is even some talk of having the question debated as a breach of privi lege, and if this should not have the effect of hindering the publication of the book, the redoubtable Lotti will be summoned to the bar of the House. When that takes place, " may I be there to see," and in the meantime I hope the gentle Lotti will acknowledge this little " puff preliminary" by sending me an early copy of her newbook. It would be a treat to read, for instance, her account of the Pargaville-Atkinson " scene," or that in which Sir Geo. Grey described the grinning and villainous looking countenances on tho Government benches ! xxx A most amusing incident was witnessed in the harbour one day this week. An alarm having been raised by a report that the doad body of a man was floating in the %ater at the end of Queen-street Wharf, a orowd soon congregated. An enwrnti.

member of the police force, backed up by several individuals evidently anxious to assist in securing the body, speedily com menced to scour the wharf for a boat, and a small dingy having been secured, ono man jumped in and pulled towards the object of interest, which had all the appear ance of a man with his head under water. Meantime the excitement of the onlookers grew intense, and a multitude of sugges tions wore levelled at the man in the boat with reference to what he ought to do. The man, however, evidently had his own theory of rescuing a drowned man, for when close enough he placed one of his paddles underneath tho object, and tried to raise it out of the water by using the gunwale of the dingy as a fulcrum. Tho supposed body, however, collapsed,'and amid roars of laughter from the spectators, the man in the dingy suddenly dropped on the seat, and pulled ashore. He has not been seen since. The " body " consisted of a white shirt, tied at the sleeves, and filled with air, which had probably been sent off for a cruise just for a lark.

At a meeting of a Young Men's Mutual Improvement Society held during the present weok, the question of women's right to vote at parish meetings was debated. The position of woman in the community was fairly defined, and her rights and privileges duly conceded by the married men, without accepting all the extreme views of the lute John Stuart Mill on the subject. Women, it was urged, should have a reason able use of their tongues—nature's happy gift. They should also have opportunities for attending churches, concerts, plays, and tea-fights, but during the nursing time of their existence they should not exercise the ecclesiastical franchise. In this respect, therefore, the Good Templars are ahead of the Church. The voting power has been extended to the good-looking sisters of lodges, who not only have a voice in busi ness matters but are elected to office. These good sisters, however, are not always sound in judgment, and one dissatisfied brother, at a western lodge, had the im pertinence to say, " Woman means mis chief." I hear from reliable inner authority that the sisters often imparta lively interest to lodge meetings which would not other wise be experienced. The sisters like to indulge in small talk and great tea meet ings, and this reminds me of an advanced sister at a lodge westward of the city, who used her pliable tongue a few evenings since in decrying the Press. This blooming sister accused the Stai; of partiality in its rejiorts of Templar entertainments. It had not done her ample justice 9s a vocalist, and she protested that the musical reporter lacked appreciation. The titles of her songs last week were not even mentioned. This garrulous sister took a farewell benefit con cert some months back, and only netted twenty-five pounds. Yet, strange to state, she continues to warble on every available occasion, and has not yet quitted the stage of her early love. She still sings, but the sisters refuse to dance, asserting that the matron's vocal powers are palpably on the wane. Sho complained, as I have said, of the Press in not giving prominence to her sisterly self as the Jenny Lind of temper ance entertainments, and closed her harangue by saying, "if writers in news papers understood singing, they might write more intelligently, and their reports might be received with more respect by the public, but such things are infra dig. nitatem." I trust the newspaper men will feel properly subdued upon perusing this dreadful ulti-pomatum. xxx

I had occasion a few weeks ago to rejoice over the discovery of a virtue In rats. A gentleman of keen observant powers had

ascertained that the rodents sometimes variegate their diet with a dessert of garden snails. Now if someone could only rind a redeeming feature in rabbits, one might be inclined to coincide with the old sawr so glibly mouthed at goody-goody tea meet ings—that everything in Nature is designed for a wise purpose. The virtues of bunny, however, would have to be very pronounced to convince an Otago or Marlborough squatter.' Besides occupying the entire legislative wisdom of the colony, rabbits have created an entirely new variety of humanity, as marked in its characteristics as the gum-digger. The rabbiters take the place in Otago of our Northern nomads ; but despite their agility, assisted by phos phorised oats, ferrets, and tho slaughter of 8,922,756 rabbits, whose skins were re covered and exported last year, bunny con tinues to thrive and multiply, and more runs last year fell under his undisputed sway. There aro now 444,620 acres leased solely for rabbitting, antl 993,(300 acres of Crown lands aro proposed to be similarly dealt with. It is becoming a struggle for the possession of these fair islands between 1 rabbits and men, and as bunny in repro ductive powers possesses a long pull over his rival, it remains to be shewn whether man possesses a more than counter-balancing advantage in ' his superior guile. It is marvellous that some of the admirers of Par win — those good people who know just how to make worlds out of bits of protoplasm—don't enlighten us upon the probable issue of this remarkable struggle for life. Bx no means let human vanity suppose that man is always triumphant, for what of the famine-stricken regions in .various parts of the world, depopulated by the ravages of those creatures that contest man's supremacy on the earth '*.

The strained relations which subsist at times between clergymen and their parishioners are not pleasant to contem plate. Nor are the proceedings at parish meetings specially edifying now and then, but rather give occasion to the enemy to indulge in irreverent Mephistophelean chuckles. Frequently, the childish petu lance, and the small, narrow spirit dis played, afford a soriy spectacle; while, generally speaking, the subject matter of conversation and wrangling »is of so frivolous and puerile a natui-e as to pro voke uncomplimentary comments from im rcgenerate outsiders on the puny intellec tual calibre of the garrulous "pillars." And it is a striking fact that the blatancy, rudeness, and stupidity displayed by the typical vestryman or parishioner now in our mind's eye, is always in inverse ratio to either his liberality or culture. Now, it is not claimed that clergymen are always in the right on all matters parochial. Quite the reverse, sometimes; but it fs claimed that their views and wishes ought to be treated in a respectful manner, even if wrong ; and that they be discussed without vulgar, offensive boorishness. One can hardly conceive of any thing more torturing to a clergyman of sen sibility and refinement than to sit listening with enforced patience while Mr Wm. Muggins informs the meeting that " he and his old woman don't want nothin' more nor pork and cabbage for their Sunday dinner,"

or while Mr Samuel Slokcr states his belief that "young parsons didn't oughter give 'emselves hairs," or words to that' effect. Fancy, only fancy, a cultured gentleman being at the mercy of people whose strong points are coarseness, and the gift of " rubbing it in." One of this kidney was very prominent on a certain occasion not very long ago. The rorroborrcc. had turned upon the offertories, and this charming specimen of the genus remarked that he had "'known himself" to put half-aorown in the sacerdotal saucer ; and that on one occasion he folded that coin in a one-pound note, and actually allowed the lot to go in one fell swoop. Ido not know this imprudent person, whose wild abandon and reckless lavishncss startled the officiating church warden on that niemo_ablo p occasion. I have not' that pleasure, but know pre cisely what would happen under the cir cumstances. For a month after parting with his wealth, he will take reprisals upon

himself and family for this weak folly. He will devise cunning methods of tilling the gastronomic vacuum with refuse scraps and peelings ; he will impound the family ham, and shut off the gas at S p.m. ; he will care fully gather up empty jam-tins, and convert them into good solid pence. If a grocer, his customers" will perceive a grittier feel than usual iv his sugar; if a milk man, sky-blue colour will be very pro nounced ; and, if a druggist, his pills and potions will have an added value—a sort of "unearned increment " —for the time being. By the time the month is out, he has got his pound back twice over, and with empty stomach, but replenished purse, thanks Providence he was not born a wicked spend thrift. This is not an imaginary picture, my masters ; and it is only too true that its counterfeit exists in most colonial com munities. xxx As a means of ridding society of obnoxious individuals in the Home country, dynamite has become quite a common instrument, but Mr Matthew Green, M.H.R., deprecates strongly its introduction in this country. A few days ago, whilst Mr Green was in process of annihilating and demolishing Messrs Fish and Bracken in the legislative arena with outpourings of his gall and bitterness, a suspicious-looking envelope was handed.to him. It was not marked " Dynamite," but intuitively Mr Green at tached danger to the parcel. None could explain tiff now the sudden start, the thread of his discourse, the rising stiffening of hair, the paling flesh and glaring eye balls, as he took the parcel and gazed in terror upon it. Almost immediately he re sumed his seat, and fixed his eyes upon the package addressed to him ; yet not daring to oj>en it to ascertain the nature of its contents. Suddenly starting from his seat, and ' nearly frightening Capt. Sutter to death by the celerity of his actions, and with the resolution and radiant glow of conscious- martyrdom upon his noble, frank, and open countenance, he approached the Speaker's throne. " This packet, sir, just handed to mo, looks dangerous to my eye. It probably contains dynamite; my enemies, Messrs Fish and Bracken, hoping that they will thus rid themselves of my presence." The Speaker naturally objected to having a packet of dynamite held under his nose even by a man of peace like Mr Green, and the Sergeant-at-Arms was sent for. This valiant functionary, after listening to the discovery made by Mr Green, viewed the packet at a distance, and protested against Mr Green's evident desire to sacrifice him on the altar of duty. Meanwhile, the packet remained on the Speaker's desk, and a constable was sent for to remove and open it. From the blanched faces of the by standers, the policeman drew his own ominous conclusions, and objer-ted to break the seal. He suggested at last to deposit the packet in the Detective Office. The proposal was seized upon with avidity, and the constable conducted it upon a shovel, held at arm's length, to the station. Who opened the mysterious packet, or by what means it was opened, this deponent sayeth not; but when the seal was broken it was found that the envelop. contained a packet of powder designed for the destruction of those rodents to which Mr Green has lately been likened, and bore the label, " Rough on rats." Mr Green has not been able to show up in the lobbies since the occurrence, and the joke has been provocative of laughter deep and loud within those his toric walls.

A good cause is often killed by a bad ad vocacy, and this has probabiy been the case with tbe opposition to the Contagious Dis eases Act. The idea had become toler ably well diffused throughout the city that the opposition came chiefly from a number of somewhat masculine females, who would have been better employed in tending their babies ; and consequently many people who had objections to the in troduction of the obnoxious law held aloof from the agitation against it. Such logis-' lation is utterly repugnant to the instincts of Englishmen, and nothing but the strong est sense of an overwhelming necessity for it, and conviction of its efficacy, could re concile them to its toleration. If the evi dence proving the inerlicneiotisness of these Acts which is now available had been before the ratepayers when the question of the Lock Hospital was under discussion,any expendi ture for this purpose could hardly have received the sanction of tlie Council. From a batch of papers which has been placed in my hands, I perceive that among those who were politely designated by our Mayor as " the old women of both sexes" because of their opposition to these Acts are John Simon, C.8., F.R.C.S., President of the Royal College of Surgeons, and late Medical Officer of the Privy Council; J. Birbeck Nevins, M.D., M.R.C.S., the well-known lecturer on Materia Medica ;C. B. Taylor, M.D., F.R.C., late President of .flic Parisian Medical Society : Professor Beii-y, F.R.C.S.E., President of the Midland Medi cal Society ;to say nothing of the eight hundred medical men of the UnitcdKingdom who signed one petition against tho Acts. So much for medical men. Among the "old women" of a non-medical sort, upon whose opposition the supporter, of the ActsjJ look down from a lofty height of superior experience and enlightenment, there is* Herbert Spencer, probably pw most ad vanced and untrammelled thinker o\f the present age; Professor F.W.Newman, Jacob Bright, the Right Hon. James Stanfield, M.P., W.T. M.Torrons, M.P., S. D. Waddy, M.P., Q.C., Alexander Brogden, M.P.^and Harriet Martineau. These are only a few, names culled at random from a list of the Vice-Presidents of the Society, and who have actively opposed the English Act, of which the New Zealand law is practically a transcript. Then there is the rather start ling facts that the municipality of Paris— which is not supposed to bo animated by strong religious scruples—has declared tho rigid law in that city to be utterly useless for the suppression of the disease, while lit is tyrannical and injurious in its

operation, and that the House of Commons by an overwhelming majority has passed a similar resolution. xxx The causes of failure are obvious enough. First, the insidious character of tho disease which it is intended to repress rendci'S it impossible to prevent, contagion, so long as indiscriminate immorality is practised: next, tho recognition of the traffic tends to in crease it, and thereby to multiply the num ber and risks of those exposed to contagion ; men of low morality, but otherwise cautious and timid, are, in fact, encouraged to depend on the protection of the law, and are griev ously taken in sometimes, carrying the contagion into their homes; but beyoud these causes, and more potent than all, is the utter impossibility of getting even a

small percentage of the diseased to come under the operation of the. law. Out of about -10,000 dissolute women in Paris only 4,000 are registered, notwithstanding that the police made 15,000 arrests during the year, many of them wrongful ; while in Berlin, beating women with sticks fails to bring them up for inspection. Now,what has been adduced in favour of the Acts beyond a number of very general assertions . It ap pears to me that in the present state of the evidence the Council were not warranted in taking a largo sum out, of the city rates for a purpose the morality of which is inde fensibly bad ; the application of which is

grossly one-sided and unjust, and the effi cacy extremely doubtful, and it is note worthy that not another Municipal Council in New Zealand has done it. The Act in Christchurch, about which so much has been said, was brought into force by tlie old Pro vincial Government, and is worked at the cost of the Colonial Government. In Wel lington, though the Government proclaimed the Act in force, the City Council by resolu tion refused to vote one sixpence for work ing it. The upholders* of the law retort, " Shew us any other remedy !" That is easy enough. Deal with this danger to tho public health in precisely the same way as with any other contagious disease, and compel isolation antl medical treatment, no matter who suffers from it. Such a remedy would bo not merely just but efficient, and would not place the virtues of the whole female population at the judgment, bar of a policeman whose own ideas of chastity may or may not be of a very high type.

If anything can justify the working of the Act, however, it is the cruel in difference of professing Christians to the fallen sisterhood, as evidenced in the utter failure of all local efforts to establish a Home and work a Rescue Society ; and, now that matters have gone so far (until voluntary benevolent effort shews a sinceredetermination to grapple with the evil). I should be inclined to support the interposition of the City Council with the system of compulsory medi cal inspection as the best available means of saving the most wretched of all God's creatures from some of the worst consequences of their sins. At the present moment, for all that Christian professors seem to care, they may rot and die in the by-ways and alleys to which they are ulti mately driven in their downward course of ruin and degradation.

Having a leisure evening at my disposal, and being anxious to oblige a confirmed "tea-fuddling" friend, I summoned up heart of grace last week to patronise a church soiree in the suburbs. I was loth to go, for this was one of the forms of social amusement with which I was entirely un familiar, and the accounts I had heard of people being slaughtered thereat by com pulsory libations of scalding tea and unwise indulgence in indigestible pastry, had made me wary. However, my friend was press ing, the church funds needed help ('twas ever thus, indeed), and so, in short, I girded up my loins, bade my tearful family an affecting farewell, and prepared to immo late myself upon the altar of friendship. Gentle and sympathetic reader, repress your grief. My gore was not required, and I still live to tire random shots. My fears were not realised, but then I was exceed ingly cautious, being prepared for any con tingency. Three or four fair sirens plied me with tea and cake, coaxing me so effec tively that I was forced to cat while all the people sitting at the same table passed down successively, and at regular intervals, tho various plates upon the table. I fought shy of all these proffers, however, not know ing but that some of my neighbours might have designs upon my life, but I found it quite impossible to resist the advances .of tho presiding fair. After tea a youthful parson took the chair, and herein the pur pose of these remarks will disclose itself. He proved to be a bit of a wag; and he

"got off" one or two such excellent " shots" in the course of a brief address that I feel compelled to reproduce them, seeing that they have escaped tho reporters.

He first of all madeallusion to the fact that the soiree, although an Anglican one, was being held in a Congregational school-room ; and then he proceeded to justify, apologeti cally, this commerce and intercourse with Dissenters by relating an anecdote of Dean Hook (nephew of the famous Theodore of that ilk). The Dean, he said, once bor rowed some forms from a Dissenting Church on the occasion of opening a new chapel near Leeds. Someone expressed surprise on hearing of such an action, and tho Dean promptly answered him by saying that although tho Dissenters would not adopt their ceremonies, he saw no reason for hesi tating to make use of the Dissenters'/br)«... Now, so far as his (the preacher's) own ex perience went, he had often had occasion to borrow his dissenting friends' forms, and he thought no patriotic Churchman would find fault when he fearlessly declared that he loved, too, to "sit on" their forms. A highly politic pun, thought I, and tho audience, by their Jaughter, showed that they fully appreciated it. He wound up with a hard " l»nock " at somo peo ple on the subject of giving to the Lord. The Church, he pointed out, was a free one, and as it had to be sup ported by voluntary subscriptions, it was necessary to educate the congregation into tbe habit of systematic giving. There was, however, one form of systematic giving very prevalent with peoplo which he did not contemplate, and that was the system of skirmishing around for and giving the smallest coin they had in their pockets. At this the congregation put on a ghastly grin, and amid the hushed silence of that abashed crowd I crept outside to enjoy the joke. After this I went home in great glee, and since then I have been going through a regular round of tea-fighting dissipation. Once on the war-path, I am resolved to pursue it to the bitter end—come what, como will. All nocturnal engagements, therefore, are thrown to the winds, and until Christmas I devote myself entirely to eccle siastical "tea-fuddles."

Emigration is undoubtedly a national necessity, and in accordance with the design of an all-wise Providence, the move ment is being recognised as the mightiest and most beneficial of modern times. Starving English and Irish peasants, ruined farmers, nnd reduced traders, have, in thousands of instances, no other hope of alleviating their unfortunate circumstance. r and, in violent opposition to love of country, they venture upon the dangerous seas towards other shores to find the bread denied at home. The cherished love of native scenes inspires loftiest sentiments of patriotism and consecrated heroism ; yet these beautiful sentiments have, in some cases, become so morbid as to lead to a total hick of sympathy with the Divine injunction, " Be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth." There aro numbers who not only wish to continue together, and to whom the very idea of being separated, perhaps for ever, is frightful, and who do their utmost to declaim against, emigration on the part of others. It need hardly be urged, in the face of common sense, that the history of nations is the history of emi gration. As peoples have increased, country after country has become too con tracted for them, and dispersion has become absolutely imperative. The separation from home and friendships involves tem porary hardship and bitter grief, conse quent upon tlie severance of tender ties, but in these matters, as in others, the keenest sorrows have far-reaching and bene ficent compensations. Thousands of immi grants are expected in New Zealand during the coming months, and hundreds, no doubt, will feel temporary disappointment on reaching these sunny shores : but pa tience, quiet perseverance, and character, will in time place new-comers in a more enviable position than they experienced in the land of their fathers. Accounts from the Old Country show that the. difficulty of obtaining employment increases : also men dicancy and pauperism—the latter term, in its realisation—are comparatively unknown in this country. This saddening state of things which exists in boasted "Albion" and neighbouring islands attests the deepen ing need which comes of over-crowding so dense a population under restrictive land owning conditions. The land question, not only in Ireland but in other parts, is getting warm, even hot, and will in course of timo come to the front as one of tho questions for future legislation and reform. Emigra tion, however, in the meantime oilers "ad vantages to the many which they are not, likely to obtain by remaining where they are; and whether or not emigration may secure the "survival of the1 fittest," itmay save many a worthy man from going to the wall.

And so the Presbyterian divines of Auck land do not feel disposed to recognise Mr Hutson as their champion in the approach ing theological conflict with Mr (',. Brown. Nay, more than that, they went out of their way somewhat to administer a little whole some advice on the necessity for attending more to the spiritual wants of the people over whom lie has been placed than to religious disputations whioh can have no satisfactory result. The Presbytery gave it very clearly to bo understood that Mr Hutson was only a student of their church, and not a minister, and that they had there fore no connection with the conflict. Apropos of Mr Hutson's position in tlie matter, a rather good story was related by one of the reverend members at the meet ing in question. Ho said he had received a letter from Mr Hutson, in which that gentleman mentioned the pai't he was assuming in connection with the debate. Speaking of the step he had taken, he said the city ministers were probably too busy to take up a gauntlet of this kind, and were doubtless unaccustomed to public ,•«"". ments or disputations of the cliaraetei .n question. He himself, however, had been mixed up in these debates previously, and had some experience. The inference i_ ob.ious, and was very good-humouredly recognised by the " reverend fathers." xxx A very good story is told concerning a young mechanic in Auckland, who recently went through the Bankruptcy Court. Con versing with some acquaintances the other day, he made repeated references to his boat, and his intentions regarding her. " But," said one of his friends, " I thought you went through the Court the other day. llow comes it they allowed you to keep your boat V " "Confoundyou !" indignantly replied the other; "do you think 1 '..as fool enough to take the boat through the Court with me?" He was allowed to pass. This anecdote brings to mind the story of the merchant who boasted of having gone through the Bankruptcy Court himself while ho sont his carriage and horses round to meet him at the rear, and eventually drove home free from debt and the posses, or of a dashing turn-out. xxx What can be the reason that influences so many police constables to enter the matri monial state so soon after their arrrivnl in Auckland ? One by one they arrive from the South in the happy state of baohelor dom, and with unfailing regularity they take unto themselves wives, and settle down here as happy benedicts. Marriages hi the force are of frequent occurrence, and there must be a reason. It is said that at the present time all the eligible'men are disposed of with one exception, and only recently he might have been heard at the rear of a palatial mansion beseeching the lady of his affections to name the day. " Prospects " could not have been the rea son'of her coyness, seeing that he as sured her that he had a " fortune " of £70., and was first on the list to be a sergeant, while his exploits had already won for him an undying fame. It is understood he was accepted, and the wonder is that if he. was the " last in the basket," what must the pick have been ? The Department will be good enough to send another detachment of bachelor constables along.

To Got On in the World.

To win tho prizo in the world's race, A man should have a brazen face; An iron arm to givo a stroke, A. heart as sturdy as the oak: Kycs like a cat, good in the dark. And teeth as picrcihK as a shark ; Kars to hear the gentlest Round, Like moles that burrow in the ground ; A mouth as close as patent locks. And stomach stronger than an . x ; His tongue should lie a razor blade. His conscience India-rubber made ; His Mood as cold as polar ice. His hand as grasping as a vice; His shoulders should bo adequate, To bear a couple thousand weight; His lepra like pillars, firm and strong. To move this great machine along; With supple knees to cringe and crawl. And cloven foet placed under all.

"Tom, what are you leaning over that empty cask for ?" " I'm mourning ivor Jo parted spirits," was tho reply.