RESCUED FROM A MAD-HOUSE.

[By a Lawyer.]

It has often struck me that the line which Beparates^the sane from the mad is as hazy at times as that which divides the upright from thedishonest. When there are so many twists of the mind or conditions of the brain which constitute only eccentricity, who is to decide where madness begins ? For in stance, nothing is more common in the exS perience of thoso who have made thematter a special study than patients who show madness only on one point—it may be reli gion, temperance, politics, or personal enmity, but the moment they are drawn from that particular subject they speak and act like rational beings. Then there are weaknesses of the head that cannot be called insanity. 1 know a gentleman—a valued client —who is no more mad than I am, yet who so distrusts himself that he insists on his relatives keeping him in an asylum for the insane. "If I am not sheltered there I do not know what I might do (to myself," he says, and there he is kept, and is'as comfortable as any one can to with such a haunting fear. Another client—a lady—is subject to a peculiar form of hysteria or nervousness, and would scream out and faint if loft alone in a room containing pictures of human figures. With her the figures always begin to move and walk out of the frame towards her. The same apparently causeless terror seizes her when on the street alone, and I have met her at times when she has clutched at me in a half-fainting condition, and said, "Oh, Mr Quilter, I am so thankful I 'have met you ; now I shall get home safely —if yon will be so kind? She is not afraid ot any particular object or person — it is simply the great terror which seizes her, and causes her to suffer indescribably. Again, nearly everyone of us know some one the mere mention of whose name brings a smile to the lips, and some such remark as " Oh, he's got a crack," or " He's half daft, poor fellow." Yet no one dreams of confining these persons in a mad-house, and they jog on through life only a little lew successfully than other folks. But supposing the relatives of these persons were needy and unscrupulous, and likely to be benefitted by keeping them in confinement, is it not easy to see how much mischief might arise, and how much wrong might be done, all under the broad wing of the law? I was waited upon one day by a coarse looking man, who introduced himself as a Peter Slater, and an attendant in an asylum, the exact locality of which need not be named, except that it is in the county of Edinburgh. Peter was the bearer of a letter addressed to me, and turned out to be not nearly so coarso as he looked. Big and strong as he was, and so dogged and determined, that he had long been tempted in vain by heavy bribes to bring me the letter without the knowledge of his em ployor, the proprietor of the asylum ; but there was a'soft spot in his heart, and that had been reached at last, and there he was with the letter, in direct infringement of all rules and regulations of the asylum, and at the risk of losing his place and wages on the instant. The letter was well written and sensibly worded, and ran as follows— :

"Dear Sir, —lappealtoyouasamanhaving 5 heart and an honest name to rescue me trom a living grave. I am not mad, though I admit I have been excitable and indiscreet in some respecte. lam kept imprisoned in an asylum for the insane, where my only companions are lunatics and idiots, whose unhappy condition I dread will soon become my own it' lam not delivered. Just imagine yourself in my place—chained, as it were, for life to these wretched beings—with not a friend near you—every one about you cold and suspicious, if not positively brutal—the bright world shut out from you for ever as a thing you may never enjoy—all your hopes blasted, and nothing before you but a life of monotony, and the coffin and six feet of earth at the end of the way. Imagine that, and shudder and tremble, for that fate may be yours at any moment should you_ be pos sessed of money which your relatives are eager to clutch. I hare often declared that confinement of any kind would kill me, and the fiend I call my wife has acted on the hint, and I am here dying, bodily and men tally, by inches. Yet Ido not blame her so much as her relatives—particularly hor father and brother, twobratalised men, who perjured themselves to have me confined in this living tomb. Oh, sir !do not think for a moment that these are the ravings of a madman. Come to the place and demand to see me.and I will speedily convince you of my sanity. You may reply that Dr. X , the proprietor, is a man skilled in mental diseases, and would not lightly commit the crimeof keeping a sane man in confinement; but you must admit that he has an interest in keeping me —an intorest amounting to £150 a year. Besides, he sees me but seldom, and when he does, he listens to me with cold indifference, if not studied inattention, and I can see plainly has no wish to consider my case other than that of an ordinary mad man. It is true that I showed some violence before I was brought here, but that was only after my father-in-law and his son had, when I was in a weak condition, entered my room by night and stuck pins into me, taunted me, and beat me till I was unable to move. They swore that this was all imagination, and that they had never been near me. I also admit that I tried to shoot my father-in-law, but I was goaded to that—worked up by him into a desperate state of excitement just that I might commit some act which should give him the power to shut me in here. And, mark you, while I lie here worse than a prisoner, they revel in my wealth, and squander it right and left. They would seize it all if they could ; but as they cannot do that till I am in the grave, they long impatiently for my death, and wonder that I do not sink faster. I owe them much, and death would be too good for them as a punishment; but if you will only help me I pledge my word as a gentleman that you shall not only be liberally rewarded, but that I shall not dis grace you by any outburst of frenzy. I will be calm and cool—l must be, for I know how much depends upon it. "In.humble hope that you will be moved by this appeal, I subscribe myself a wretched and persecuted man, •"" ' " JohnLejtch."

"P. S.—The lady whose address I append below is a devoted friend of mine —indeed, I may confess to you that we were at one time nearly married—would to Heaven that we had been !—and will'concert with you anymeans by which I can beset at liberty.', "■" , "J.L." Below was the name "Miss Emily Stephens," withanaddressnotthree minutes' walk from where I sat. I read the letter through without remark, and then turned to Slater for an explanation. My impression was that the writer was mad, and therefore in no posi- i tion to instruct me or any other legal agent. " How was it you came to deliver this letter after refusing so long ?" _"H don't know, sir ; he just got round me with his soft ways," said the attendant. ,"Thig was how it came about. He had

been at me often to take messages and letters out to different persons, and once he offered me his gold watch, worth £40, if I'd take a letter to the lady mentioned in that letter, but I couldn't do it. But you must know I'm a married man, though my wife is dead, and a little girl of mine who is boarding out with a. friend fell and hurt her head, and I got leave to keep her out at the asylum till she got better. Well, Mr Leitch took a great liking to her—she was bo like somebody he'd known in his happy days — and nursed her, and carried her about for weeks on end. You'd have thought that child and the care of it had made a new man of him, for with her he was gentle as a lamb, though before that we were all on the watch lest he should sud denly stick a knife into any of us. After I'd observed them o bit I had no more fear of trusting Mary with him than if he'd been her own mother. I have a busy time of it at the asylum, and there's no doubt he brought her round quicker than I could have done; and when she went away he fairly cried like a child. It was that took me oy the heart. When you see a man shedding tears orer an innocent child neither his heart nor his head can be very far wrong." "That's not very sound reasoning, I fear," was my reply. " What do you think of his mental condition apart from that ? You must have some experience by this time. Either he must be mad or he must be sane."

" Well, my honest opinion," slowly re turned Slater, after a pause to think, "is that he is not mad now, any more than you are, sir. He was a bit off his head when he came at first about them sticking pins into him and so on, which is an idea common to hundreds of them, but he's pretty right now."

"Pretty right! That won't do at all," I sharply returned. "He must either be quite right or remain where he is." "I don't know," said Slater, scratching his head. " Very few people is quite right, sir."

" What?—do you mean to say that I am a little off my head, as you call it!' I rejoined, with an appearance of anger. "I've no doubt of it, sir—not a bit of doubt," he calmly and unflatteringly re turned ; " but then, praps, you've the cleverness to hide your weak points, and so pass for being all right. The only differ ence is a little more sunning in some than others."

I stared at the man, more than ever con vinced that consorting long with cracked people induces a kind of mild insanity in the keepers. He had not carried his point at all, but rather weakened my confidence in his opinion. Nothing is more common than for the insane to imagine themselves well; I can remember well, when I used to "go out to the monthly ball at Morningside, by the kind invitation of my friend, Dr. skae, meeting a littl« old Irishwoman whose standard remark to me was, " The doctor cays there's nothing at all the matter wid me, and I'm to be out next week." Yet she had grown grey in the place, and has probably died in it since. •" Do you mean to, tell me that your em ployer, Dr. X , keeps this man in that place knowing him to be sanei" I said, at last.

"Eh, no; I shouldn't like to risk say ing thafc, sir," returned Slater, in evident alarm. " But the doctor doesn't really see him often, and, I daresay, doesn't trouble much about him so long as the money comes in regularly. If tho money was stopped had not keep him long." "Who sees him, then, if tho doctor doesn't f"

" Oh, just us, air—and the head-keeper. We attend him among the rest, but only to see that he wants for nothing and does him uelfno harm."

" And do you meamme to infer that the doctor would rather that the patients did not recover?"

" Well, not exactly that, sir; but, you see, if he was to cure them all he might shut up the place." "Imphm. Do Mr Leitch's friends never get in to see him ?" " At certain times they may get in, and, if he's thought fit to be seen, why, they soo him. None of them comes but one lady— Miss Stephens—and she's only neon him once, and then with some of us by, in case he broke out violent."

"How do you generally judgo a man to have come to hie senses after being insnno ? Have you any standard ?"

" Well, to tell you tho truth, sir, that's generally the easiest thing in tho world. When a man thinks he's all right, and him mad all the time, he's generally as bold as brass, and threatening all sorts of punish ments and law cases against us for keep ing him there against his will; but when he's sans—that is, when he's come to his right mind—besides seeing it in his eye, we always find him ready to sink through tho floor with shame at finding himself in such a place. There's no getting them to hold up thoir head, they're so out up ; and as for going out, they'd sometimes rather stay in, for they think everyone outside will point at them. " That does not seem to be Mr Leitch's state of mind," I drily observed.

" Oh, yes it is," said Slater, with anima tion, "and, if it wasn't for Miss Stephens, he'd be soft enough to let them keep him there for ever. They were lovers, sir—so he told me—and when once a woman shelters a man's imag« in her bosom, their hearts beat together ever after, and no amount of misfortunes can stamp the love out of them. Miss Stephens is a woman of spirit—they're neither of them above thirty—and naturally has a great dislike to Mrs Leitch, the lady that cut her out. That's how it lies, sir, and, if you can move Dr. X to let him go, it's more than any body else has been able to do. The more he pleads and urges the loss the doctor's in clined to listen to him, and he has even given orders that Miss Stephens is not to be allowed to see Mr Leitch, because it ' excites him too much.' See?" I still disliked the look of the case, and said so, but readily agreed to see Miss Stephens before deciding to decline, and so sent the man away with tolerably good news to my imprisoned employer. The same evening I called ,on Miss Stephens, and, as might be expected where an ener getic and loving woman is conoerned, had all my scruples thrown to the winds. This lady scouted the idea of Mr Leitch being even tainted with insanity.

"I have known poor John for twenty five yean —since we were both that height," and the bright-faced lady indi cated a distance of about three feet from the ground, "and he's only soft and pliable. I used to fight his battles for him at school, for even then he would have let the other boys knock him down and walk over him rather than make a noise about it. They did not do it < long" after I took his part," die valiantly added, with a clench ing of her taper fingers which made me think it a pity she had not been a boy "It was the same when he was married' We were engaged, though no one knew o it; but I bad to go to England for a year to a finishing, school, and while I was gone that fearful woman whom he is married to, and her relatives, got poor John into their clutches, knowing he was wealthy and they wore poor, and twined him round their fingers, and got Mrs Leitch married to him. It was a cruel shame, for they at least knew that

we loved each other; but that was nothing —I mean what they made me suffer— nothing to what they have since inflicted upon him. Mad '! He is no more mad than I am. He was only a long-suffering man driven to desperation. Don't think, Mr Quilter, that there is any risk to you in this matter through Mr Leitch being con sidered insane. Although Ido not wish my name in the case, I employ you, and I will be responsible for all expenses." Much more in the same strain, which I have now forgotten, followed, and I left my energetic client almost as enthusiastic and determined as herself. The only ugly fact against Mr Leitch was that he had made a desperate and determined attempt to murder his father-in-law, and however great the provocation might have been, I was certain that the fact would prove a strong argument with our opponents against his release. My first step was to see the patient out «t the asylum. I found him an ac complished, gentlemanly fellow, quiet and soft, but not indicating the least tendency to extravagance in his conversation. The only pointl found him reticent or " queer " over was the torturing and pin-sticking. " I'd rather say noUiing about that, he said with suppressed excitement. "They say it was all imagination, and the father proved, by false witnesses, that he was iifty miles away at the time. Pins don't leave much of a mark either, and I didn't say much about it, so that I might be let out of the locked room—they had me shut up at that time in my own house—so that I might pay the villian back. Don't ask me anything about that either here or before the Commissioners, because I hate lying, and I can't do it even to gain my liberty." "What a pity ! Still mad on one little point," was my thought, and I despaired at once of effecting his release. However, I saw Dr. X , and rather surprised him, I think, by intimating that I should send shortly two eminent medical men to examine his patient. "I shall be ready to receive them," he answered with a thin, dry smile, which made him look more wicked and lunatic like than his patient. It was necessary then to see the wife of the patient, and I called upon her without warning. I found her in a maudlin condit ion with drink, and a man whom she stiflly and somewhat thickly introduced as her brother, not much more fit for business.

The more drunk some persons are tho more dignified they strive to appear, and both of tnese treated mo with marked dis trust and reserve. They were quite resolved, however, that tho patient should not be re leased on any condition ; and when they were informed that steps wero being taken to bring about that result they became so violent and abusive that I was glad to get out of tho house in safety. The result of tho visit to the patient by the two Professors chosen by mo was not quite so satisfactory as I could have wished. One declared emphatically that Mr Leith was perfectly sound of mind; the othor hesitated a littlo, and gave it as his opinion that there was still a screw looso somewhere, and that thero would always bo a danger of a relapse oven wero it considered advisable to release tho patient. This last opinion was my secret one oxactly, though, of course, I took care to kcop it to myself. Howevor, tho caso was pushed on, and wo had ar ranged a pretty strong list of witnesses, when Dr.jfX , fearing that tho mat-tor becoming public would nave a damaging effect onnis establishment, suddenly gave in, and declared that his patient was now sane and capablo of being trusted at liberty. Miss Stephons and myself went out to bring him homo, and I was surprised to find him not at all jubiluut ovor his rolcase. Ho ilo pressed and silont demeanour at lengih drew » remark frou mo, to which ho answered, with a heavy sigii—

" Think of tho homo I am returning to. What is thero in it to make me joyful or exultant? They hato mo and wieli me dead ; they will soon have mo back again in that fearful place." I was silont. Somo would have said, " Why ro back, then ? Why not separate from such a woman ?" but I know tho law too well, and had seen this anomaly too often and painfully illustrated. Without hit) wife's consont ho could got no separa tion. She might goad him to madness with her tongue, or her secret assaults oven ; she might squandor his means, neg lect his childron, and mako herself worse than a. beast with drink, yot he dare not turn her out of his house so long as she did not absent herself for one night without reasonable cause. Such is tho law, and a cruel law it is. I remember of a man being hanged in the north of England for murder ing his wife. Ho went to the gallows cool, and even exultant. For ten jfears ho had on dured tuch a wife, and been powerless to help himself or retaliate by a word or a look. Then at last tho soft submission changed to frenzy, and he was a immjjjrer and she beyond all goading. I cannot understand to this day why that man was hanged. It was not the man, but this anomaly of our law that ought to havo been swept away.

So far as tho law was on the poor hus band's side 1 advised him to make full use of its power by prohibiting tho relatives of his wife from entering his home; but though he promised to do ao, he declared that the determination would only inflamo their rage against him and make their retaliation the more sweeping. Ho was actually in such terror of sleeping in his own house that I arranged to have tho house watched for a time, the signal for assistance to be the breaking of a pane of glass in his bedroom window. As it hap pened, however, when he reached home his first act was to turn his father-in-law and wife's brother out, to accomplish which he had to send for a policeman, Then, when they were gone, the wife, frenzied with drink, turned on him with the most fearful language that can come from human lips, and finally, finding that he only smiled in silence at her fury, she began to pound at him with her fists, and tear at him with her nails. Then he held her arms to her side, and rendered her powerless to injure ; after which she wrenched away, and smashed three vases in pitching them in the direc tion of his head. Then she had up the ser vant and declared that she was in terror of her life ; that her husband had tried to kill her by pitching the vases at, her, and beat ing her with his fists; and finally was joined by her father, who declared he had wit nessed the assault from without; and as they spoke of sending for a policeman, poor Mr Leitch, in terror of being sent back as a lunatic, broke away, rushed from the house, and appeared, panting with terror and absolutely in tears, before Miss Stephens. lie was sheltered in her house for that night, and next day, after a consultation with me, he returned to hiß home to find his wife in an apparently more reasonable mood. She complained of not feeling well, a remark which her husband heard in silence, and for the remainder of the day left him pretty much to himself. At night he retired to his own room—for he declared he would not have slept with his wife for a million of money—and was soon sound asleep; About midnight he was awakened by feeling himself grasped and bound by the wrists by two men, who were coolly stooping over him from either side of the bed and ußing strong cord for the purpose. The two men were his father-in-law and tho son, both apparently inflamed with drink.

They declared that he had been ranging through the house in a tnad state, that he had threatened his wife with an open razor and that they had overpowered him, with the greatest difficulty, and were securing him there till they should get power to send him back to the asylum, btrange, to say, the victim retained a won derful self-possossion. He did not struggle or shout, but lay looking at them with a contemptous smile. Thus disappointed, they produced pins, and began stabbing them into the fleshy parts of his body. Leitch bravely endured the agony till he thought he was sufficiently marked, and then with a terrific spring was out of bed and over at the window, through a pane of which he drove his tied hands. Slugg and another man, on the watch outside, had seen the two men admitted about eleven o'clock, and, suspecting mischief, had sent for me. I was on my way to the house, which I reached just as Slugg and the other, using a key of the back door with which Mr Leitch had provided them, burst in on the conspirators and unfastened the hands of their victim.

When I arrived, with a policeman, they were trying to explain matters, and not suc ceeding very well. They declared most solemnly that they had never used pinn against their victim, and that it was only his old craze returned, though two pins were picked off the bedroom carpet, and, when ho bared his arms, and legs, and back to show the marks, they vociferously as serted that he must have stuck the pins into himself, forgetting apparently that his hands were securely tied with cords. Tho Eoliceman wished to take them away with im, as they could give no proper explan ation of their presence it the house at such an hour, but as Mr Leitch, overjoyed at the rescue, refused to charge them, thoy were allowed to depart, though not before I had warned him that they would hear more of the dastardly conspiracy before long. A day'or two after, when I had paopared my case against them, I found that they had left Edinburgh leaving no address. To make sure of no further troubling of my client with charges of insanity, I took steps and raised an action against Dr. X——for detaining n sane man against his will. The case was tried in the Court of Sessions not long after, and, though the defence was not' a weak one, I gained the case, and took £200 damages off him as well. In this case, singular to relate, Petor Slater, the attend ant who had first brought the case to mo, appealed as a witnoss both for tho doctornnd my client, and [tho evidence clearly showed that the fault of tho doctor was not want of skill, nor even a malicious intention of de taining a sane man against his will, but sheer carelessness and indifference. He kept the establishment ac a means of easily gaining a handsome income, and left most of tho Hiipervisiou to underlings. The doctor looked very dignified and aristocratic in tho witness-box, and made his patient look rathor small, but wo took tho £200 olf him for all that, and hod the satisfaction of driving him from tho field as well, for he shortly after disposed of his share in the concern and retired into private life. Mr Loitck endured his wife for a year after hi." release, when drink and an affec tion of tho heart happily set him froo, lie attended her funeral without tho traditional mournings, wheroupon many said that there wad a crack about him still, but he only laughed and said ho did not care to lie oven in his drees. Then to still further horrify them he married Miss Stephens less than a month after his wife had bc«n securely "happit" under tho turf.

Every ono wondered and lifted their hands, and screwed thoirfaces, and declared that ho would bo in nn asylum in less than a year ; and ovury ono was mistaken.

As Frenchmen See Us.

"John Bull and His Island" is tho title of a work just published in Paris, tho writer being, no doubt, in his own opinion, a kosn observer of men and manners in England. As a proof of his aptitude for tho role of critic, it is worth while reviewing a few of his impressions and statements. Regarding London shopkeepers, lie boldly affirms that " any one of the calling would consider himself dishonoured if his weights were trustworthy." Railway servants, cab drivers, and omnibus conductors are equally bont on pilfering; for, says the writer of tho book, " a ticket seller feels it his duty to rob you of a shilling in returning change for a sovereign, whilst an omnibus conduc tor would not keep his place a month if lie did not find moans to doublo his salary by robbing either tho company or tho public." Wo should add, in justice, that he admits that his first remark is chiefly npplicablo to the lower class of London tradesmen, and that in the country tho principles are better. Money with us, wo learn, takes precedence of everything, and provided a man is rich, he can be sure of being styled great, good, and talented by his fellow-men. There fore, the British father, on his death-bed, invuriably lakes leave of his heir with the injunction, " Make money, my son." In our family relations there is neither in timacy nor cordiality. There may be mutual esteem, or even friendship, between parents and children ; but there is a total absence of affection in tho senso tho writer under stands it. Commenting on English women, they are remarkable for their freshness, their independent and—the length of their feet. When they aro protty, however, they are unrivalled in the world. To use tho author's terms they are " angels of beauty." But, alas ! to detract from our satisfaction at this amiable criticism, wo are imme diately afterwards reminded that, as a rule, Euglish women have "faces without ex pression, eyes devoid of lustre, long promi nent teeth, and frequently rod nose* I"— " Evening Standard."

Swindling by Telephone.

Swindlers have not yet been nble to use the telephone successfully in furtherance of their aims, but a bold attempt in this direction was recently made in Now York. An "honest-looking and plain-spoken man," describiug himself as a "grocer at Harlem." called upon a firm of stockbrokers, request ing them to sell for him some shares which were perfectly marketable. Being an entire stranger to the firm, and having no references, his proposal was not at first entertained, but at last the ap parent honesty and simplicity of the man prevailed, and security was disposed of, the Harlem grocer taking away with him a cheque for the amount realised. A week or two pasEed, and the man again presented himself at the broker' office, explaining that he had not needed the money, had conse quently kept the cheque in his pocket, and asking that it might be cashed. This re quest was complied with, and subsequently the grocer, having gained the confidence of the firm and their clerks, called and asked permission to make use of their telephone for the purpose of in quiring about the arrival of a steamer then due. This favour was readily granted, and after a rather prolonged occupation of tho telephono box lie departed. It subse quently appeared that at that moment the honest grocer was acting in concert with a confederate who was presenting a cheque for payment at the brokers' bank bearing the forged signature of their firm. The cheque which ho had received in payment for his shares had

furnished facility for tho forging of a coun terfeit one, and the next step was to provide against the ri.=k of its being disputed. When at the appointed time the confederate presented the forged instrument at the bank, the cashier objected to cash it. "If you don't believe this cheque is genuine," said the grocer's partner, " speak through the telephone to A. B. and Co,"—the firm of brokers—" and ask them if it is not, and I will wait." The cashier —evidently equal to tHe occasion— replied, "How do I know who is at the other end of the telephone 1" Payment was thereupon promptly declined, and the mes senger having'been despatched te inquire if the cheque was good, brought back the answer that it was a forgery.

Fires in Jerusalem.

A traveller in Palestine writes to the Boston "Advertiser" from Jerusalem as follows, concerning the fire protection of the Holy City, and the need of it:—During the past eight months we have had but two alarms of fire. One occurred at midday, and the other during the night; but neither of them would have deserved notice in a New England village. On one case Borne articles in a store-room took fire and caused a slight damage. Had the fire continued until the entire contents of the room were consumed, it could not have extended beyond the room itself. In the second case a small pile of rubbish behind a cartain house took fire, and on this occasion the "fire department" of Jerusalem was called out. This consisted of a few soldiers, who started out with their guns as though they were goining to a battle. In front of them marched four or five men with broad axes. These men and soldiors constitute the " fire" brigade," and this is the only time, after several years of observation, that I ever savr or heard of such an organisation in this city. Supposing that such a brigade really exists, tiioy havo no buckets, pails, laddei'Sj engines, or any of the appliances which belong to this service in our country. What do they want of engines, pails, and buckets in a place where there is no water ? What is there to burn where the houses arc all stono ? It would bo almost imposition to create a conflagration here, for there is nothing to burn. Consequently, thore aro no insurance companies, for no one wants his property insured. One can go to bed at niget foeliiig absolutely certain that, whatever other evils may befal him, that of fire, so justly dreaded in our^land, will not visit (him. It will thus be seen that thore are some com pensations in living in a house of stone. Such a house may bo in danger of falling down in winter, when the walls become thoroughly soaked by tlio rains, but it can never bo in danger of being burned. When thoso soldiers and men with axes had got goi fairly turned out and started they did not appear to bo in the least hurry. They walked along as deliberately as though they wero marching in a funerrl procession. In fact, a tiro occurs hero so seldom that peoplo do not know how to act when thero is one.

HUMOROUS CLIPPINGS.

The Frencli actor, Arnal, wished to gain tho car of his manager by a visit, but was told by tho porter that ho had just died. "No matter, I have only one word to cay to him."

Partners in tho butcher bneiness are ft joint concern.

A continued store in an nmateur journal opens as follows : —"Will you tell mo where my collar button i.s ?" " Never I" " Then you mimt dio ! " Josh Billings hna this playful application of "soe-saw:" "I saw a blind woodsawer, Whilo none over saw liim Bee, thousanda have seen him saw."

It is supposed that tho reason why tho aisthetes admire the stork so enthusiastically ia because it can stand on one leg for hours at a stretch, and look as though it never had an idea in its head.

" I don't sco how yo« city folks livo with no oxorciso at all," remarked a countryman to'his new boarder. "No exercise!" ex claimed the man, "guess you never saw a fellow chasing n street car.1

A father remonstrated with his son, an Oxford undergraduate, for wasting his time in writing for local papers, and cited Dr. Johnson as saying that a man who wrote except for money is a fool. The son wroto back : " I shall follow Dr. Johnson's advice, and writeefor money. Please send me twenty pouuds."

"Augustus dear," said she, tenderly pushing him from her, as the moonlight flooded the bay window, where they were standing, " I think you had bettor try some other hair dye— your moustache tastes like turpentine.

Said a pompous man of money to Profes sor Agassiz, "I onco took somo interest in natural scionco: but I became a banker, and lam what I am." "Ah," replied Agaraiz, "my father procured a placo for me in a bank; but I begged for ono more year of study, thon for a second, then for a third. That fixed my fate, sir. If it h»d not been for that littlo firmness of mine, I should now myself have been nothing but a bankor."

In an election for tlio borough of Tallngh, Mr John Egan, an immenso-sized man, was an unsuccessful candidate. It was in the heat of a very warm summer day. Egan was struggling through the crowd, his hand kerchief in one hand, his wig in the other, and his whole countenance raging like the dog-star, when he met Curran. "1 am sorry for you, my dear fellow," said Curran. "Sorry! Why so, Jack? Why so? I'm perfectly at ease." " Alns ! Egan, 'tis but too visible to everyono that you're losing tallow [Tallagh] fast!" "Boss, will you tell mo how to make root beor ?" asked a coloured man of a clerk in a Woodward avenue drug store a day or two ago. " Why, yea; I can. Take a hickory stick, threo gallons of water, an old bat, a quart of molasses, a paper of tacks, and a pound of cayenno pepper, and boil,, skim and set in a cool place." "Saydat agin, boss, so I kin disvemember." The clerk repeated his directions, and the cus tomer brought his fist down on the counter with the exclamation : " I sees whar' I spiled my hull batch! I left out de tacks!" A Detroit physician who had business on Woodbridge-street had his attention called to a boy about twelve years of age, who had picked up a cracked water melon from a commission house, and was eating it in tho alley. "Boy, that melon isn't ripe," warned the doctor. " I didn't say it was," was the blunt reply. "And" its sour." " Well, I kin sweeten her, I guess," "You look out for the cholera morbus." " I've had 'er, and the smallpox too I" "Sec here, boy," said the doctor, thinking to make a last appeal, "if you eat that melon you'll be dead inside of 24 hours." " And you look here," replied the boy, as he cut off another slice, with a piece of iron hoop, '' you may chirt and talk and scare all you want to, but I'm no kid ! I know what you want, bufc you cant have it! You can take this melon home for 15 cents in cash, bnt you can't scare mo into lotting it go for nothing ! You'd better buy your melons iv the reg'lar way and save your chin for next year's campaign."

STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT. OCTOBER 20, 18$5.

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