SPORTING.

:)o(: iSccretaries of Racing Chilis are requested to forward announcements and items of news for this column. All communications to be ad dressed to the Sporting Editor.]

RACING FIXTURES.

NEW ZEALAND.

■ May 24th— Tetopuna Jockey Club Birthday Te Awamutu Raoing Club Meeting. »»i 24th—Grand National Meeting at Timaru. is£v24th— Wanganui Steeplechase Meeting. I ifay24th—DunoainJockeyolub Winter Races. vf a y 2«h-Povorty B*y Meeting. jJSe Ist—Walmate Steeplechase Meeting. jnne 28th-Hawke's Bay Jockey Club Steeple dljasD Meeting.

AUSTRALIA.

jlay 19th. 21th, and 26th—Adelaide Racing °M»y 2tth-*Sydney Turf Club Meeting. '

DATES OF NOMINATIONS, ENTRIES, AND ACCEPT ANCES.

June sth—Nominations Hawke's Bay Jockey flub Steeplechase Handicap. Jnne 19th— Acceptances and General Entries H»wke'aß»y Jockey Club Steeplechase Meet-

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

cwmT-Fr'ed Archer, the English jockey, was horn January 11th, 1557. and is consequently «i rears old. His ilrat winning mount was on Athol Daisy at Chesterfield, Sept., 1870. T F—lt was in 1877 and 1878 that Lone Hand "JJnttaa Steeplechase, at the V.R.C. Spring Satins. The course is threu miles. In IS7V warned Wat 211), and won in 7mlu. 17Jsec; in IKS io carried 12st 101b. and won in 7min. oisec.

NOTES BY HIPPONA.

THDKSDAY next (Queen's Birthday), may he looked upon a9 the close of the racing season ISB2-83, for, with the exception of one or two Steeplechase Meetings, the long list of fixtures shall then have been played . rji(,; s yraf, the (lay will be honouied by followers oi the turf ia uiauy of ilie lead- Jgtentres of flew Zealand, the Dunedin Jockey Club furuishing a day's sport with tJ , e ir Winter Meeting at the Forbury, fte Canterbury sportsmen will have their appetites satisfied at the Gicind National Steeplechase Meting, to be held at Timaru, while the Wauganui Jockey Club also P">vt(le their su PP Mters with a croß-connlry contest. 8.-sides these, meetings will take place at Gisborne and T» Awamutu. However, the fixture of most importance t» local turlites is the Takapuna Jockey Club's gathering, which promises to be a most mteressiug one. The eutries for the different events are first-class, and if the Club are favoured with fine weather, it may Do safely ontici pated the public will attend in la.ge numbers. For the chief item-the Birthday Handicap-the following have paid up : st. lb. st, Ib. Merlin . 8 6 Yuba Bill ... 7 0 Jishwoman.., 712 Gilderoy ... 612 Maeri ... 712 Nigger ... 610 lone Hand.., 7J2 Katipo ... 6 7 Kalo 7 0 Cadet ... 6 7 Paiamena ... 7 0

Larry having dropped oat, Metlinis nj>wjto p. ll™ thim' Ihe'' icerJi'nly'haratempaa g STtattto son of Tot 9 ra has been troubled with the slow, lately « Ihardly care trusting him to beat FiLoman, aotwittotanding the act that hfmS her oo 101b better terms than tta teymet over the wme.couHe and Smceatthe Easter Meeting. From thUm learn, FISHWOMAH is in pood fix. and hn pa«.V having placed their Seace in her, I don't thinkwe need iStherfor the winner, of the other., old lone Hand's chanca must not be de spised, forte has shown on more than one MCasion that he has aiding for the left handed going, aud Gilderoy »honld at least ™ into ft situation with 6>t 121 boa his jack There is a certain amount of "mys tery" attached to the Steeplechase, bat I think Haek»way, who 1 am reliably in formed is a certain starter, will be hard to ]ai My final selections will appear w Wednesday's bTAE.

The Grand National Steeplechase next Ttanday-on paper at any rate—looks as Hit will be a mere match between Clarence ■ Bid Canard. If both homes stand up and »te ridden out, it should prove a great race, ioi with only a difference of 81b between them, they are well brought together on their ChrUtchurch Steeplechase ranning Atthis distance from the scene, however, it ii rather difficult to find out what Messrs PQbrow and Lunn's intentions are, so I till simply content mj self by prophesying that whichever is wanted of the two fill »in, although it is quite likely that all poblio calculations may be upset by Mr But ; to'i Quamby, who has showH lately that a little of his Taemanian form is still left in him. The big event at Waoganui, unlike the'fimaru contest, promises to furnish a most interestiog race, for out of the sixteen nominated, ten h»ve paid up the Acceptance ffloney. LADY BAB appears to me to be the tick ot the lot, and and after her chance I like that of Dhudeen's.

So far, there has been but Httlo specu lation on the Takapuna ' Meeting, and it looks as if backers intend keeping their money until they reach the convincing ground. In the warning that has been done on the Handicap and Steeplechase, Fuhwoman and Cbandler have had the call, aid the best price obtainable about tbe pair iiSto'l. Fishwoman,co»pled with Hark my and Cnristroas.has also found takers lit one or two points longer, while 50 to 6 las been written in one line against Gilderoy and Chandler.

The race for the Blue Riband of the English turf takes place on Wtduesday Kit, and the fact of MrG. G. Stead, of Cni»tchurch, having his colt .-plendor m theconte'sr, makes it unusually interesting to «ew Zealanders. According to tbe latest betting quotation?, Galliard (winner of the Two Thousand Guineas), Beau Brimimel, and Prince divide the honour of favourite, Spkndor T>' ing at a 20 to 1 chance. The cablegram containing the result will probably reach us in time for publication in Thursday's issue.

George Rowlands, the well-known jockey and trainer, has taken over Mr Bobbetts Jtring, consisting of Libeller, the two-year old colt Musketeer, and Maoriland, from Thorpe, and I understand for the future they will be under his charge. Libeller was lately blistered, and I think, under Bowland's care, wa will see the little fellow back in his old form next season, and the "black jacket and white -cap" of the Thames sportsman more frequently brat past the post than it has been heretofore. Kowlands, at present, is located at Green tane.

The New Zealand Stud Company have nominated thirteen of their yearling cnlts and fillies for all the loading two and three year-old races of 1884-85 in Victoria and New South "Wales, the entries for which close on the Ist June. Early in the Spring the Company intend sending a consignment of young utock to Sydney for disposal there, and it is principally owing to this that the nominations have been made.

During the season now drawing to a close, that popular horseman, Wally Clifford, has been in the saddle 6n no less than forty-seven different occasions. For this amount of hard work he has a record of nineteen wins, eleven seconds, and five thirds, while twelve times he has been un placed.. Considering some of the poor cattle under him, his record muet be con sidered a good one, and' no other New Zealand jockey but Clifford can boast of the fact that they are equally an well at home on the flat as over obstacles. The fal lowing is a list of his mounts from September 28, 1882, to April 23, 1883 :—Geraldine Spriug: Third in Maiden Plate on Holder ne?s: won B.C. Handicap on Tnstunn; second in County Plate on Rebecca; third in Cup on Tasinau. Canterbury Spring ; Unplaced in CJ.C. Handicap and Metropolitan Stakes on JHJmir Bey, and second in Flying Handicap on Kmir Bey. Uamaru Spring : Second in Maiden Plate on Aurora, won J.C, Handicap and Tradesmen's HandicaD on Tusman. Dune din (Spring : Won iradesmen's Handicap on Tasman, unplaced in Hurdles on Don Jose. Auckland Mimmer: Unplaced in Hurdles on Angler, and Steeplechase on Ohaudler. Koxton : Second in Hurdles on New Year, wou Maiden Plate on Hipporma. Otaki: Won Maiden Plate on Hipporina. Wellington Summer: Woo Hurdles on New Year (Ist and 2nd day), unplaced in Flying Handicap on Hippodamia. Jsland Bay (Wel lington): Second in Maiden Plate. Blen lieira : Second in Cup and K.C. Handicap on Uippudamia, won Flying and Forced Handi cap on Hippodamia, Dunedin Autumn : Unplaced in Cup and Handicap on Welcome Jiick. WaDganui Autumn : Third in Hurdles on Mew Year, unplaced in Derby on Mystery, second in Sapling Stakes on Consul, second in Maiden Plate on Parera, won^ursery Handicap on Consul. Waverley Autumn : Won Hurdles on Christmas, dead heat Sapling Stakes on Consul (walked over for stakes after dividing), unplaced in Flying Handicap on Larry. Hawcra Autumn : Won Hurdles on Christmas. T-aranaki Autumn : Won Steeplt chase on Christmas, won T J.C. Handicap on Leon ora, third in Maiden Plate on Parera, third in Hurdles on Christmas, won Nursery Han dicapon Lady Florence. Auckland Autumn: Won Tradesmen's Plate on Sicstn, and taster Handicap on Leonora, second in Flying Stakes on Leonora, unplaced in steeplechase on Christmas.

1 'n looking through my Australian file?,l find that the cablegram received here announcing important chauges in the Vic toria Kacing Club's programmes next season was fearfully mutilated in trime misaion. The added money of the Melbourne Cup,it stems, has been increased from 500 to 1000 soys (not 1500 soys); the second and third horses to receive 300 aud 200 soys respectively, the final payments to be made at the scale, and the winners of the V.X.C. or the A.J.C. Derbya to carry not less than 7st 51b, instead ot a 7lb penalty as cabled. In several other events the amounts have been increased and the distances altered. Considerable alterations have also been made iv the races for New Year's Day, the most importaut of which is the transposition of the Champion Stakes to the last day of the autumn Meeting. Tho Bugot Plate, weight-for age, race for 250 toys, one mile and a quarter; and the Standish Plate.a handicap of 500 soys, one mile, Jji'inajyaYe'iiace Tuaa been reduced frooTtwo and a-half miles to two miles. At the Autumn Moeting the Newmarket Handicap is to be run in future on the first day. The added mi<ney in tbe Australiau Cup is increased to SOO soys, second and third money to 100 soys and 60 soys. The Bourke Handicap of 200 sovf,- seven lurlonge, is a new item, and there are several increasts oi amounts, and some alterations in the distances of the old events. Ihe Cnampion Itace U the fourth event on the last day of the Autumn Meet ing.

Condensed Items.

Hales rode The Plunger in the Adelaide Entries for the Takapuna local Hack Kace close on Monday evening. Merlin and Kalo are repurted to nave done Rood work at Kllerolie this week. Cunnamulla (Sst 9lb) is favourite for the Sydney Turf Club Birthday Cup. Somnua has been purchased by Mr Paul, of Wanganui, for 200 guineas. He will be put to the stud. . Rae, who steered Reform to victory in the Steeplechase at our Autumn Meeting, wilt ride Chandler at Takapuna. Jimmie Wattie left for Sydney on Tues day It is probable he will have a mouot at the Turf Club Meeting next Thursday. Only Guesswork and Prometheus started in the South Australian Jockey Club St. Leger. Cracknell was up on the winner. Little Jack is a warm favourite for tbe Birthday Cup, to be run at Adelaide on Thursday next. v .. ' " " Mazeppa" lately had a look at Mats, and saya it is yet an open question whether be will stand preparing for another race. •'Aug«r"s»ys when the V.X.C. Derby field strips at Flernlnston in November, Off Colour shall carry his confidence, it he be in his best form. Tommy Taylor will hare the mount on Fishwoman in the Takapuna Birthday Handicap, and if Maori starts, George Williams will don his colours. Mr J. Wilson, jun., of tbe clever St. Alban's stable, is now the owner of the racehoree Little Jack, having bought him from Mr Branch. «.■«."♦!. Mr Adams wishes me to state that the totalisator money will not be paid with the stakes at the Takapnna meeting, but im mediately after the winning jockey in each race has weighed out. The two Auckland gentlemen who re cently purchased the Musket Rangi colt, Kemington, and the colt by Musket—Una, from the N.Z. Stud Company, have put the pair in Lumsden's hands to be broken in. The conditions for the next Caulßeld Cup have been made public. The added money will be 500sovs., and a gold trophy valued ut 200<ovs., presented by Messrs Norman and Arthur Wilson. StateeraaD, by Wilberforcefrom Britannia, who ran eecond to Off Colour for the All. aaed Stake* at the V.KU. Autumn Meet ing, beating Boolka, Delusion, Ike, Frying and other good ones, has been sold for the Indian market. The supposed " dark 'un for the next Mcl oourne Derby- Chester's brother, Cleve land-has had to be thrown out of training in consequence of the re-opening of a wound made by a splinter in one ot nis fross a year ago. Gaslight, one of the best bred of all the stud matrons in Victoria, lately died. She was a daughter of Talk o' tbe Hill and Gas works, by' Fisherman from Firework s dam Gaslight. On the turf she was best known as the winner of the V.X.C. Oaks, but at the stud she never distinguished herself. Amoag K. Sevior's string at Flemington (writes Asmorleous) is the mysterious mare On JDit. This "dark" Maorilander was placed in Sovior's hands under most singular circumstances.and immediately her identity was established her owner was ordered to take her away. Where she has gone to nobody seems to know, and it will be well for secretaries of country clubs to be on the aid vive for this suspicious young lady,who, I am assured,!* a very (slippery customer.

FIELD SPORTS AND AQUATICS.

(BY ACTION.)

The moath of May is invariably a period of inactivity so far as out-door sports in this part of the colony are concerned, and we are at the present time in course of transition from summer to winter pastimes. Cricket has now been completely aban doned until the return of the fine weather season, while the various lawn-tennis, archery, and recreation clubs have also suspended operations for the ■ winter. Bicycling concludes with the sports which were to have been held in the Domain this afternoon, but the lovers of this exer cise will still avail themselves individu ally of the bracing frosty weather to con tinue their practice. Rowing club sheds are once more deserted, while the o\vner« of pleasure boats and yachts are losing no time in hauling their craft up, and making them " all snug " for the winter. It is more than probable that the Arawa and Bita races will be the last of the present season. Aquatic sports are expected to attract a great deal more attention and interest next season than they have during the present. Football lias been ia " full swinK " in the South for some weeks past, but as is usually the case, Auckland foot ballers are late in commencing their sea son. The local Association has arranged

thu programme of matches, and it is now printed for circulation. June 9th is the date ot the lirst club match, iku interven ing Saturdays being set apart for various other contests. East v. West End was the match airansed for this afternoon.

Mills bus just got the Spray back. The Gem has been hauled up for the souson. The Madge lias been removed to Maokay's yard, whore the ft-ill wiater. Mntthius, a former Auckland footballer, is playing this season at Chrisichurch. Jhe yacht Arawa U to be provided with a now fuit of sails, principally for light weai her use, The Auckland Kowing Association will most likely hold its second regatta in the spring. Nothing further has yet been ascertained relative to the proposed visit of an Auck land football team to the South. We have not yet heard how the Pousohby ltegatta turned out financially, but believe ! the accounts are about square. Tlv; sixteen feet opoa boat Olive has been hauled up at Carr's, and, like many other pleasure boats, is open for sale. The Grafton kickists will he captained this season by Bi^gs, who was a prominent. The "Saturday"" ArifeftritfiS '"tfeereaUon Club was to hive concluded its teries of archery matcnea tUis aftorco-in. Bunedin possesses a Model Yacht Club, which heid its annual renalti several days ! ago. Our bjys are behind the times. W. H. Wilson defeated J. C Lavcock in a sculling match in Sydney harbour on the 7th instant. The international football match botweon Scotch and English Uains was played at Shcllield in March, when the former won by three goal* to two.

Eleven yachts rendezvoused at the closiug procession: o f. the Koyal Sydoey Yacht Squadrou, and betweeu 70 aud SO yachts men sac down to the dinner held at night.

Extensive drainage works are about to be commenced on the Domain Ciieket Ground, while the whol* surface of the grouod will bo repaired before next season.

Captaia Ted Wiight, of the Salvation Army, iv the days of his uaregenerateness was a noted athlete, aud won the coveted pedestrian trophy, the fcheliicld Cup.

Clare has just finished a nice-looking four-ton yacht for Lomy, the fisherman. She is double plankerl throughout, and will most likely prove a fast boat.

The Observer lias been taken up to the residence of her owuer, and placed in a shed built specially l>r her accommodation. She is evidently to be well cated for.

A lot of money changed hands over the yacht race ou Monday. Ttaore will be heavier betting on the next event, each vessel having mauy backers.

The Belle, which won tho small yacht race at the Ponsonby Kegatta, has been purchased by Gallagher, owner of the Brothers.

Comparisons are "odious." Weight of Oxfoid Eight, exclnnvo of coxswain, 95st 41b; Cambridge, 98-t Bilb. Victoria, 89st 81b ;l«ew South Wales, &2st 121b! "Bulletin"

Tho Bit* was in grand-trim for Monday's race. The removal of her ob-n fittings and other hamper made a wonderful improve ment in her speed.

Mr C. H. Street is a member of the Bydney Yacht Club. It is said he intends to send the Muritai over shortly to try her speed in one of the club races.

It is understood that tho bicycle sports which were 10 have taken place this after noon were held with the object of inaugu rating a fund for the tonnaiiou of a cinder path. A large open sailing boat ia now under conduction at Clare's shed for the Go vernor of Tonga. Khe is 26ft. long, 6ft. 2in. beam, and 3ft. deep. She is intended tor a fast craft. ToDSonby Football Club will lo*o the services of lOc-ing and several other members- this seal-on, but W. Hcndcrton and E. Coleniau will onca more dou the colours after a brief retirement. ' It is understood that Bindon, Croxton, and Hcadewon will not play with the Auckland Club this sea«ou, haviog decided to retire from the football arena. They are likely to adhere to their resolution until the club matches commence. A wrestling match for £100 aside has been arranged between Professor « iller. who claims to »>e the champion of this world, and Kriward Blackburn, n miner of Knglehawk, who alsi is a wrestler of some repute, lne match Will take place on tbo 23rd June.

John Hawden, the sculler whom Haulan Qrat rowed in Kng'and, and who has since been but little heard of. has made a match for £40 a-side with Thomas l.nrncs, of Blaydon. The race is in opsn boats on the Tyue, and the course one mile.

An excellent club football match was clayed at Christchurch last Saturday week, hut a local critic, speaking of the play, says there was more holding of the ball than he liked to see, while there was too much hacking and picking up in the ecrimmages.

W. E, .Barton, who plays for Auckland this season, was "back" for the Waikato team in their match against the city team last season. He was considered somewhat slow in that capacity, but probably he will distinguish himself in playing more for ward.

Contests between the yachts Rita and Arawa are not over for the present season. On Thursday there was considerable talk of another race for £60 a side. Mr Bloomfield was reported to have challenged the Kita's owners to sail for that sum, at the same time asking for time allowance.

A local builder has received an order for a large racing-yacht, which is expected to keep company with the Arawa, Kita, and Muritai in the exciting competitions of the futur?. Little is known about the new craft yet. The builder declines to famish any particulars, neither will he disclose the owner's name.

Writing ot the football matches between England and S otlind, th» " World" says : — England succeeded in reversing the result of the nu«by Union match of last year against Scotland ; but in the Association match the Scots were victorious. As the Kusjby contest was won by two tries to one and tho dribbliDg ones by three goals to two, it need not be said that they were closely contested,

It may not be generally known, but in the first eleven of the Kngby Club, one of the most successful of the junior clubs playing in the park is George Paramour, who, a couple of years npo, wai me of the iincst batsman iv the sou horn part of New Zealand, If I'aramoiu win wield the willow as artistically as of yore, he is worth a place m the liist eleven of any of our senior clubs.—Sydney paper.

Courtney, tho scnller-carpenter, i* to figure in a now role conn. Fie will be a litigant against a firm of boatbuildcr;, whose papur craft he claims is too thin, and it was their gauzinees caused him to losn the race at Saratoga last year. This would imply that the cedar craft is the belter, and Courtney should know, as he has rowed in a paper boat at all times—that ia, for thn past five years.

The local Bicycle Club, which was formed eighteen months as>o with three members and a borrowed machine, already possesses thirty.two members, with tho same num ber of machines, a considerable number ot now members are to bu nominated at the annual meeting. ■ no obstacle to the pro gress "f the club is the difficulty of petting machines, which cannot be obtained from Kuglnnd in less than seven mouths. Local importers should take the hint.

The second match between Dr Carver and Captain Boaardu?, to shoot at 100 pitteons oucli, for oOOdols. :i side, roceritly took place at .Louisville, Kentucky, and after a close contest Dr Cafver won by a bird, having brought down S3 nut of i(X), the majority failing to the lirst barrel.

Captain Bogardus, although defeated, shot well, rolling over S2 out of 100 smartish birds.

A rather singular idea was proposed at the meeting of the Canterbury Cricket As sociation held several evenings ago. Mr "llivier suggested.that it would be better for the selection of teams for important Aupoaoa 'wasYnVoKue in' Melbourne';^ Uo considered that one person whoso special business was to watch the progress of players would be better able to judge of their individual merits than a committee. The practice worked admirably in Victoria, whore Messrs Boyle, Donald Campbell, and Cooper had held otlice iv succession. Strong opposition was raised to the proposal, and it was eventually withdrawn.

A sculling contest of considerable interest took pUoi! at Sydney on' ;i recent Saturday liftwi en J. C. haycock and W. 11. Wilson. The latter at present holds the South Coast championship, but was beaten by two lengths a week previous to the race in question by Solomon. The course, was 3J miles. At the start, Laycock took the lead, but was quickly overhauled by Wilson, who gradually drew ahead, aud «t the first mile had gained a clear ltnuth. During tho Next mile Laycock ieduced the distance to half a length, and then gave in. The stakes were for £10 a side. Layeock's boat was built by Uannelly and Sullivan, and Wilson's Dy Kennedy, of Shoalhaven. Steady training was indu'ged in by the Victorian crew when preparing for the in tercolonial eight-oar boat race. Their usual hour for rising was between six and seven, when they all went to the river to buthe, after which breakfast was eaten wiiti keen relish. Aboat ten a.m. the boat was taken out for a spin of about two in^s pnd brought back, and then the men went to lunch. A rest of a couple of hours prepared hem for a long row over tho course. This was done about the same time of day that the race would be rowed, and it wai a great advantage over the New South Welshmen to be able to do this, /.fter the row they had dinner, which was followed by a walk of from 5 to 7 miles on the roads.

The following hints to cricketers are said to hate emanated from the Hon. Ivo Bltfth :-The batsman : Keep your bat up tight; to do this there is for the beginnor but one rule. Keep your left shouldw pointing to the bowler—look over it, in tact. Never mind getting runs, they 11 come of themselves, but concentrate every faculty in dtfendirjg your wickets, and Dlaying.tho ball on the ground. Ihe bowler • Try to bowl with your band as hinh as pos-ible, but with no v«tige of a throw in your action. Tho Australians have mastered the true art of bowling on a eood wicket; that i«, to change the pace without showing it in the action. Btoaking or twisting is a more advanced stage, but will always be mastered more easily with ii high than a low action. The fieldsman : Always be on the move ; be on your toe* ready to start btforo tho ball is bowled. If you miss v catch, or lot the ball through your legs, don't uyologi'e, but run after the bill as hard as yon can, und throw it in. There are many minutes in which you will have time to express your regrets, only a secoud or two iv which to save a run.

The Intercolonial Ela>t-oar race at Sydney (^ays the "Bulletin" (>f May s(b) needs very little description. Tho bydney men started in good form, but the visitors ■ indulged in some splashing for a few strokes, when they settled down, and Up wnrd sotting them a splendid stroke, they obtained a lead of fu ly half a long hibe fore a couple of hundred yards had been covered, both crews pulling 43 a minute Sydney then quickened up to 40, and seemed to hold .heir own for a short dis tance, but the strain was too great to test, and at the mile point, which was shot by tbo Victorians in smia 20sec, bydney had P lnwed down to 38 to their opponent* 40, with a cup of two lengths dividing the boat*. The Melburnians kept on mcteas- Sthoirlead at will, and off the Sydney Bowing Club Branch the Sydneyites be came completely demoralised, No. i cams off his aline, and No. 5, in looking round to see the csase of tho stoppage, caught s crab. However, they pulled themselves together, and rowed on to the judge s.boat, which was passed by the Victorians with a ten lengths lead in 18mm 12sec. Ihe arrangements for the accommodation of the Press were, as usual, simply awful.

HUMOROUS CLIPPINGS.

"M? boy," eaid a politician to his son, "lean a little towards everything, and commit yourself to notbiog. Be as round as a bottle, and juat dark enough so that nobody can see what's in yon."

"John, what is that scar on your chin ?" " That soar? Ohthai's arelic of barberism."

An old bachelor says-"It is all nonsense to pretend that love is blind. I never yet knew a man in love that did not eeo ten times as much inhisawcetheart as I could."

At a dinner at the Mansipn House three forciun consuls were present whom (ho Lord Mayor wiahtd to honour by drinking their healths. lie accordingly directed the toast master to announce the Health of "thu tbree present consuls.' He, however, mist iking the words, aave out the following : " Tne Lord Mayor drinks the health of the 'ihiee per Cent, Consols."

"Is the doctor in?" "JJon't live here," said the lawyer, who was in lull tcribble over some old documents. " Oh, I thought this was his office." " -Next doer." " Priy, eir, can you tell me run the doctor many patients?" " Not living. •' TUeold uenrle mau told the story in the vicinity, uud the doctor threatened the lawyer with a libel.

The late Bishop of Oxford pridtd himself on btiag able to identify individually all the clergy of his own diocese. But on one occasion wlien Dr Wilburforce was dinincj with a number of them, ho ohse vod one clerie.il brother whose uaine he did not know. Unwilling to confess nis iguoianee, and to cautious to make enquiry, the good Bishop approached tiie unknown, and by wny of a feeler remarked to liiin, " 1 forgot how you exactly spell your nauir," to which the soiuewha; discouiiitii>g reply was " J-o-u-c-s,"

Before the Buttle.— "John," said an old Georgia plantation owner to a faithful negro "attache" of the place, "are the cows all driven out of the south pasture?" " Yqi, sr»h." "And the sheep rounded np under the east lull '!' " Yes fall." And the mare, t*o-year-old, and bay Jilly put up iv the stabie?" ".All snug, bo.**." '■.-■. li ii.^lit. You know, there's a couple of Atlanta editors coming down here in tho momiog to light a duel, and one cin't be too eiveful of

his live-stock while they we popping away at each oilier alt day,"

Au eminent judge used to say that, iv his opinion, tlic very best thi'ig evai' snd liy a

witness to a. counsel was tho reply given to Musing, the barrister, at the *ime leiuor oi his circuit. He was defoutling a prisoner charged with stealing a doukey. Th.. prose cutor hud left the animal tied up to a gate, and vrhen he returned, it waa gone. Missing was ve,ry Berere in bis examination of the witness. "Do you mean to say, witness, the donkey was stoleu from the c;ate?" "I mean to say, sir," giving the judge and jury a sly look, at the same lime pointing to the counsel, "the asa was Missing."

Kilo? ilil-ritbTj- miner To bis wheat art. anil h:.i son;; Did a rnaizo and thrill her. " ]!iil mo barley hope. O «ivc Mo one grain of uomfort! I would out on thee anil live Holding on to some lort. " In your r.ves now love look 3 thiuo, There, lies cereal pleasure, 0 hominy joys are mine, Filling up my measure.' Came tho maidon'a corn [nil laugh At the miller';) fawning, "Youei'.n't winnow Ki>'ls cUiift — Sir! to you li'ood morning."

COURTSHIP AND MATKIMONY.

Moonliirhl talks, Ono year, Midnight walks, Skica clear; Longing eyo«. Years two, SootliinK- siK'lis, 1 Wither blue: Front Kate Years tlireo. Very late. Can't agi'eo. Parlour scone : County Court, Keeling mean. " Splendid sport. '• Dourest. Hess, Sorrow—siu; Answer Yea," Jury grin. Kind kiss, IMvorco Riron, Blind bliss. Fetters rivon. Interview, Worried wife, I'apa, too, l.onolyllfo, Nothing loth, Husbanrl roams. )lappy both, Wifo foanw, (Jouple (,-lad. Curo-eost, Uu.\a it bad. "Love lost. Oriian swellg, Moii'At: Hon™ noon, 8> When you wed, KncH-'l soon, Look aiend, Double Brown, Might fall. Settled down. Thais all.

Making it Too Warm for Slade.

It wai three dearer below zero as the Eiie traiu wa« leaving vVellsville, M. V., on Moailay motuiog. A b.akeman said to a passenger : " That is Mace in tli.: fur coat, aud Slada with the buffalo overcoat on." "Well," lie >va- asked, "why doesn t Ma4e take oIF that coac, or turu down the collar in least, »v we can see how he looks?" ' " Oh, heY from a warmer climate, aud can't stand ths coll, but I'll make him take oil' that buffalo skin, or I'll burn the iuside of the at ives out nefore we reach ylean."

The daraut-rs of b./th stoves were at onco opened wide, i« went n fresh supply of coal, and all the veutilttora of 'he ca> were closed. Mace aUifiud his position to the car window, unbui toned his enat and vest, and opened thu window. Presently he looked back at.&hv'e, who was taking a nap. Either the air proved too keen for Mace or he was afraid io might CuUSS the Maori to take cold, for he closed the win dow The bruk-miau came aloug aud said : " tliiuk it is pretty cold when they see Slaie in nis buffalo sluu coat, but I mics lean rou-it him on: of it." Nearly all the passenger* in the car now understood why the car was kept so warm. "ulean is the next stopping place for this trim," the brakemau «lwEted. Up got the Maori and took oil' his fur coar. tie was literally loaded out, the tempera ture beiriß about 95°. The nmv satisfied b'-akeman quickly closed th-> stove dampers-, ow-ne'i the ventilators, and acknowledged the smiles aud nods of the passeußera with n bow wliioii would have done credit to Chasterliold or Beujamiu If. Brewster. Mace and Slade, in company with a theatrical tr-npi-, were on their wny ta Bradford, Pa They did not seu the brake man's joke. " ' tnou«;ht I could make it t«» warm for him," saia the brakecuun ; •'the Bioves aie all right yet, but 1 say, a;n't he a fellow, vow that big tm coat is oil" of him ?"

STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT, MAY 19, lbb&

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Valuable Bisoovkry.—Tf you ' hair is tv- nintc r.REV or losing its youthJ'ul colour, rlosb; mut i)\'iint.y. use Ki'son's il.vnt !;knk«ei:. li ruiu-w.s its life .-HensUi. and Ki-owlli. Jt i.-i not a rive. Itmiosnor. ntnin tlio skin. It is uusur nttßßed for rciuoviiiK dandruft. Its perfumo is moat agreeable. It is much cheaper unin tlic English and American preparations. Those who have nsed it udiiiir. its superiority. ■ Su'd m bot tlos at 3s C.d.-Kdsou'B Medical Hall, IUG Quoon trcet—Advt.