STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT.

AUCKLAND, N.Z., SATURDAY, JUNE 2, 1883

RANDOM SHOTS.

(BY ZAMIBI"]

1 •■■•■■'■ ot.hbonr'B name to lash, riimW "S#B£ugnt !-tor needful cash, .KfflW W PleßJia raise a din.

L the CoWW»I Treasurer turn his d Tckland? Was he alarmed by J&W toff-cinq tie Northern Radicals, \ .*P*L, to trespass on the territory of' *$ ■■ li-hiet? The Major is pugna litP° 11l' teM ilydaunted, but the "free voter?, from whose pre ■M«* P3**fa||ed Verified in con f^tl ticklish audience, and the fiasco was not an en- to an invasion of the MorWHZ there ever a richer political ft* , ttsn the doT? *c? ne «,ln 'h u W8"1 ton ? Heralded with a flourish ■ neiH«*n* ,j c masterstroke warranted *>•i& in a wordy dispute with atde" 0 jj Green on the merits of ■tie «*T strains for pauperism ! tlwir ""Li from the sublime to the S«M.-^Tstatesman could survive. 'J^'& » * man for a fray M'f we When put on his mettle, but !fe™" i, he qualifications of a popular H^'j M di>plays his wisdom in <'»To the »'al retreut3 of Ttt. ran? kl i JspW/fCfa little to be won, the risks *tei Hkewtae inrigoificanr. fllw*™ x x x opportunity for display lost through the Major's ■Jin-1 *" gjj U t out from the national », ctnel fa'e.whflt Blory to mea! u ure 1 J^'LTescene of former triumphs! '**$ ? ihev say.ha 3 wroa Bht wonderful ?2hthe views of the ex-member for Wit Viuoe hw l«st oration in the «X, He is not quite so sure fKberent depravity of a certain 1 t financial institution; and monster -?1S "heroes havo been trans {£S? Philanthropic colonising enter- I**,, tha ffood ot the human race. thus and thus, dear friends. impending tate of that JW No, Major, you were quite safe. fffidawsMttdrawQ. ■- wnf Mrs Dr. Potts arouses us and benighted jv™ No gentle feminine touch J&lrtdnerves; no sympathetic ff,rfSto«»e have no resort BaTe l-° »!st*nlßf iv!' wftosemienis TiTmwfiß <>f ""> saw and lance*- SVW however have their SS. ii'n4l y°UDK friend of miße' flZrdfitha charming medical Softie Great Republic, sustained a EliMjiocktohis nervous system, taU- SjMifterooimiortheaccustomed tetea- Kdiwivered the hands of his fair en- Steneartdwithvarniab. Questioning Z« 10 tie Therefor, «he conducted him to {rtfo* overlooking the yard, and pointed JnHuniießCiipt article haDging on the Z omb wbicb her delicate fingers had 'iZhfcw exercised with the varnish X last, explained the enthusiastic not medico, was the stomach of a poor Sftloir who had been dissected that jtewnut the Hoa'jitai. Warming with kr theme, she asked him sweetly if he mM "like to Bee her skeleton," and, iiing aside a curtain, disclosed the full brrf personification of humanity stripped ik fleshly garments. Returning to the ißJng.room, the cheerfal joung creature sKsted a little [music, but William at tamoment suddenly rememberrd a pross jjengagement, and with dreadful inward ■iitaa, and visioDS of his own varnished fils hanging out to dry, he tcok ibe stairs iltond, and fled. XXX Somebody who ought to know cays that Btcenstant dispute on the pilot scbooner VWho'il boil the kettle ?' What I want tittoffis, why the pilots want the kettle Mcd at all, seeing they are almost invuri ifyln "hotwater." xxx "Enwnrage local industries" is the cry dltatain class of politicians, who see in If "coddling" process the only true and fditanem remedy for flactuations of pro ■jpeticy and the chronic grumblings of tataa and commercial men alike. -It •pild hudlv be safe for me to say that I Mifret'lrader, supposing I wore'anything ■k otjettionable; out 1 would crave the rower's attention while I narrate an lnri ■tat,wdkave each to "point a moral" "from it as he sees fit. Some time ago a boteTOtnasttftforan Auckland steamer, wiindeleiWiMto tbe cry on behalf of ■local industries, it was brought ont in plates totemiAtipbtK, Thep'atescost £80. and lie freight on them was £G0; and as it was ■alcßliWtlatsiavingof £60 was effected ■in tie litter item through bringing the wir out ia sections, the owners of the fanertftenattering themselves that they ttleleverly executed the trick known as flung two birds with one stone," by wwauiiting as public benefactors, while W)rat money in their own pockets. p Wis the pleasing dream ; bnt when ■■•Want came in from the local firm to nude the boiler, it proved a rude wrter, The worßmanship had just cost ™ more than it would have done at w, and deducting from that the £60 •WWm freight, it left the owners with ;M lo*« of £80 as the cost of their ex. f&nt in the encouragement oi local in -91 \ 1 offer no theory to account for ««oeotable anti-climax, but I might *«c or two questions :—Can it be a n»toecommunitywhen£BOis lost in ™WT? Would it be a gain, even sup- Pijlfe Government bore the loss by giv •f»' bonnty" to colonial boiler-makers ? •■wit at all likely that people will re wo experiments for the sake of fos ■■glocal industries ? ii' x x x Wto that terrible flash of lightning ™* tfis Ponsonby School, one of the s.«Mhers ruihed to a window and "wthß blind down (to keep the llght- J«t»of course !), and when the terrific «olthunder followed, a young gentle ".who presides over the studies of a «WcUsa picked up his umbrella and Wont of tbe window, calling on the Cw follow. What admirable presence ■"I'd, to think, in the hour of danger, of »jmbrella, with a -'deluge outside and 'We M nmbrfilkless prisoners within ! E xxx * *»c Onehnnga larrikips have evidently tenor into the hearts of the Salva j™. At the hallelujah service in the «perance Hall on Sunday evening laet, l9iW Bowerman confidentially told the

audience that they were going to " Hone uneia' on the following evening, and he added, "My brothers, f would as «oon co ♦kg o*t 'Hone-unga.1 Praise the Lord," wherenpon an unbelieving young man snggeited that he coulci easily go to glory, straight, by jumping over the end of tbe wharf. Johnny, however, pre ferred Hone-unga, and ia still in the land of the living.

"Possession is nine parts of the law," and stripped of legal »erbiage and polite euphemisms, the rule of life ia still That they should take who have^power, • And thqy should keep who oa'n." The rights of property, and especially house property, are popularly suppoaed to be peculiarly "sacred;' but, as exemplified in this free and enlightened age and place, even these, it would seem, must come under " the (jood old rule" which sufficed "Robbing" Hood ana "Rob" Roy. To be specific, end " not to put too fine a point upon it," as Snagsby would say, the case stands as follows : -An Auckland gentle man lately built a neat little cottage near the Albert Park, which be leased to a very eligible tenant at two pounds a week. The lease expired, and the proprietor notified the occupant that he wished to move into the cottage himself. " But I don't wish to leave," said the tenant, "and I mean to sit Btill." To threats, entreaties, and rea soning, the " man in possession" was politely deaf, and the proprietor in exasper ation rushed off to consult his solicitor. 'I he limb of the law told him the tenant was legally entitled to " hold the fort," but suggested a piece of strategy whereby the owner's claim might be asserted, and the occupant "bluffed" out of his stronghold. " Possession'" waa the thing, and if the owner could only get into the house by some means and decline to leave, hs would be " even " with the recalcitrant tinaat. Next morning, before the lark had brushed, &c.,&c., that landlord might have been seen skulking around hit own property more like a prowling burglar or dynamite "invincible" than a lawful citizen bent on a deed of high emprise. Wtim tbe dispenser of milk-and-water came round to leave the matutinal supply for that uiihh | pecting tenant's tea, the growling figure followed him like a shadow right np to the door, brushed past him and past the half ■ attired female who opened said door, and marching boldly into the parlour, took a seat and awaited developments. Aa may be guessed, there was a Jittle scene over his action, which developed into a big ] scene when the tenant ordered the landlord out and the latter declared his intention of remain ing till the oUer "cleared." The situation was now a rather pretty one,<and in the hands of a writer of comedy might do made productive of much fun. There was every prospect of a protracted " tug oi war "—the landlord in a state of ai«ge, not daring to go one for provisions and not allowed to hare any in, while th« occupants of the house were haunted by a continual preaenct which was likuly to become as in tolerable as a "skeleton in the closet." Matters, however, were not pushed to that ext'eme; lawyers were called iv on both sides; the casa was argued out on the spot with much legal aenmen; and it was clearly established that the tenant was entitled to retain possession as long a* he pleased, but the landlord might raise the rent to what ever figure he chose. "The rent will be £5 a week in future, then " said the landlord, and went liis way chuckling over the won drous wisdom of our law-makers, whereby lie was enabled to get possession of his own property. But the £5 rent has been paid for a number of months, and still the "man iv possession" keeps tbe nominal owner outside. The laittr talks of doubting the rent, in the hope of getting the tenant to " move on," bat hesitates lest a Court or CoinrnisMun may be appealed to, as in Ire ltnd, to fix a fair rent,;and give tbe lessee,be* sit es compensation for improvements, greater 11 fixity ot tonurs" than he now enjoys.

A public dinner in honour of some per sonage ot looal distinction ia no uncommon event in Auckland, as in other colonial cities. Such convivial gatherings are good in their way, and ginerally very enjoyable. The dmner usually is s;rrod np to the satis faction of the gueste, and the caterer ia gratified with a puff in the daily jonrnals. The food may ba digestible, and the wines of the best brands: but frequently tbo ufter dinner speeches' aro neither co pleasant nor so palatable. Who has nottuffered under the Infliction of buttery speeches in connec tion with the toa«ts ot the evening, and felt every sentiment of party pjeaiure ex tinguished by f uleouie adulation ? I was invited to one of those happy "spreads" a few nights since. Everything was choice and praiseworthy ; but as soon as the sound of tbe chairman's hammer was heard, the interesting conversation, the smartly main tained argument, the quick repartee, the good-lrumoored badinage, the favourite old song (without music), were paralysed in a moment. Order for the chair was thundered from all parts of the room. The chairman, looking intensely serious, roie from his easy chair like a ghost through a trap-door, and with faltering voice, asked permission to propose a toast. Of course, no one ob jected. The toast was drank in silence, and others succeeded.

All the by-chat was now over; the singing was hushed; the blow was struck; and enjoyment was prostrate under the table. .1 might as well have caught np my hard-hitter and have gone home disconsolately in the pelting rain. I conjectured rightly what waa to fol low : the wretch was nbont to propose " mine host and hostess," Tbe toast, he was sure, would meet with peneral appro bation, and wonld require no com ment ; their host was a man who was an honour to the profession of the bar (oh, oh, from a yonng man lawyer). Gentlemen, there are more bars than one; there is the bar of Bacchua as well a3 the bar of justice, (A voice, "but law is not justice,") It may not be, but, gentlemen, we have bad justice to-night at the hands of "mine bo3t " and his amiable wife, and shall we be so mean as to return evil for good 2 We all know the excellent qualities ot " mine host," which render him dear to British hearts. (Cheers.) The toastee stepped forward with a bashful countenance, and blubbered ont an acknow ledgement on the part of him and partner. Be was bound to return thanks, which process he performed by disclaiming seriatim all the flattery lavished upon him, and oy plastering the butter upon another, wbo, ia his tarn, repeats the common place cant of compliment. And so it goes round the room, the mania is as catching as the small-pox; everybody proposes and drinks to everybody 'else's nealtft. Conver sation, amusing, empty or instructive, gives place to a vapid round of flattery. Persons

no more mean what they say in an ordi nary after-dinner speech than they do when they finiah a letter with "Your obedient servant," and address it to a rellow they mean..to kick the first time they catch him in some convenient corner.

I feel constrained this week to fire a shot at a very pompous little military personage who is essaying tbe difficult feat of paying court to two mature damsels at one Knd the same time. One's blood naturally boils at the very thought that such duplicity should be practised upon the lovely pair, and it is surely at variance with all our ideas of the fitness of tilings that sucli a dual suit should ba prosperously carried on. Yet the ? vor I s s0 w up ln the science °* strategy that hitherto he has been able to manage both affairs successfully and to overcome certain little contretemps that threatened to end in irretrievable discomfiture. His Sun day evenint? arrangements are the most per plexing part of tbe business, and draw most largely upon his tactical skill, for both ladies attend the same church, both ire very regu lar in their attandauce upon the means of grace, and both insist up in the escort of their gallant. One is a widow with a snug little business, and the other a damsel ot ripened charms. With au inveutivo ability and an amount of tact that could hardly fail to be recognised in auy other walk of life, the martial lover has hitherto kept each inamo rata in ignorance of the other's existence, but he ran very narrowly the gauntlet of exposure on a reoent Sunday evenint;. He urrived at the church door with the elderly virgin upon his arm, aud was pioceeding up the aisle, when, to his horror, ho descried immediately in froat the well-koown aud generous outlines of the susceptible widow, whose consent he lud got to remaining at home that particular night, Fortunately, she had her back to him, and so, with a muttered wish to bo near the organ, ho hurried his companion up to tho gallery, where he was careful to select a seat secure from observation.* A3 soon as the collec tion had been, taken up, ho explaiucd that he was suffering from a severe headache, and under (hat plea induced tho uususpect inc; Dulcinea to withdraw with him. With a similar excuse, he took nu abrupt leave on reaching her home, aud then, with palpi tating heart, hastened back iv time to meet the lonely widow. The adventure at the church, however, was duly noted, and it is rumoured that a dramatic cclaiirisse <ment is beiuy contrived. x x x How to obtain a cheap dinner I When I want to see a f ri^nd very particularly, I always find out where he goes for dinner, and when he goe^, and how long he takes, and which way he goes, and winch way he returns, if he had to make any calla on the way to tho eating-honi-e, and if ho had any friends to see coming back; and if ray friend for the time being has a clerk, or a shop Doy, or both, and one or either has that degree of intelligence which clerks and shop-boya ought to have, but often havn't - I'm on his track in less than no time. Well, you see, n friend of mine wanted to find a fiioud of his, and he wanted to find his friend sort of quick— Suddenly-and so I told hini how I ran irj; friends to earth, de sid he'd wait tiil dinner time (which was two minutes) and then go up ts that cafe where all the -wells go for dinner. I heard how he got on uext d*y. He says my system won't work with his man. tie went to ti.e room where bi-i friend always dines, aud tho first thing he cUpped his eyes on \v",s an »ld, very rc pectable-looking gentleman. This old gen tleman had a setious expression of couuten ance, and was in deep thought—seemid to be building "cistles in the air," us it were. He was the "boss" of the establishment, however, aud so my friend a<ked where Mr Thingumybob was, and had he been thoto to lunch ? He says the old gentleman re plied that "his friend had been there, but had gone — sueakoii out of the back door—as he had oftou done before, but wonldn't do ai?ain, be calculated, without paying for the victuvs he consumed " So my friend's friend w;th tho bia title and the fine clothes hns kind-of got his nune up. But I've heard of that lellc.w since, He went to hear a concert tbe other night, and invested in a ticket, tho.cost of which was one "Colonial Kobert," and, in considera tion which outlay, he waa entitled to occupy one seat in the gallery, which he did until tbe iotermi-tsion arrived, when he got a "pass." Ue thought the doorkeeper, who bad charge of the front seats, wouldn't know the "pit" pass from the "circle" pass, but tbo doorkeeper did, and the well drcsed young man departed disconsolate to Ufcc his remaining i-ixpontiv worth out iv tho gallery among the " god*."

I have never, even in tho days of qirl contemning boyhood, rn'ertained a mean opinion of tbe smartno-'s and capacity of the gentler sex for practical joking, but I must confers that even my conceptions were enlarged by an incident that I witnessed a few evenings ago. A more effectual "sell" for the lords of creation it would be difficult to conceive. I hap pened to be one of tbe invited guesto to a birthday party ia a sequestered portion of tbe snburbs, and after contributing my share to the fund of small talk with which it Is customary to beguile tho first hour or t o, I was found eligible to bo ad mitted to participation in some parlour games that the more restless spirits were engaged in improvising. At tbe beginning, everything was stiff and ceremonious, and the pleasure was rather "slow"of |ts kind, but almost insensibly the ice of formal reserve thawed and melted. The company became more and more frolic3ome,until even forfeits were pioposed and introduced with out any seriouri demur, albeit the ladies de clared that they would reserve tbe right of deciding whether or not they should pay the penalties imposed upon them. Whether or not they were in earnest, mattered little, for the yonng bloods were determined upon exacting tbe forfeits which the kneeling and blindfolded judge wickedly pronounced, tbe result, of course, being a fair amount of forcible osculation.

The girls adopted a characteristic mode of retaliation. .After a short and very mirthful conference, they informed the male portion of the revellers that thoy had a new and entßrtainng gnme to play, the rules of which required that tho ladies should seat themselves ia a row, with vacant cbairs in front of them, while the gentlemen, having previously withdrawn to a separate room, should be admitted one-t>y-oiie to chooso with bandaged eyes the scats assigned to them. Fdelini.; tlmt this allbrdod inn ad mirable opportunity for liuther oiculatory exercise, the beaux consented, but I, as an old stager, was allowed to count out, and therefore prepared to watch the coarse of events. As soon as the ladies had been left to themselves, a screen was hastily fixed up at one corner of the room, and

then, to my unbounded astonishment, Simon Peter (a hulking, coal-black Fijian youth, employed in the household) was brought up frpm the lower regions and placed behind it, after receiving whispered iostf uctioss how to act. x A X _ I need not dwell upon his toilette ; suf fice it to say that he woro a capacious and dingy claw-hanjmer, while Ms whale-fins of feet protruded through a pair of consider ably abridged moleskins. The ladies cot into position, and then the doorkeeper gave out the name of a gentleman and cautiously admitted him, duly bandage!. Pleased with the solicitations of the ap pealing fair ones to sit in various places at once, he coquetted a little, but eventually plumped down upon a chair, and raised hiti face in expectancy. Simultaneously, Simon Peter glided fiom his biding pluce, and going boldly up to the blindfolded gallant, sainted him with a smack that provoked a loud titter of merriment, producing iv its turnsignsof impatience from the other room. Simon Peter as quickly retreated to am bush, and the recipient of the kisc.rerooving the handkerchief from his eyes, twirled his sporadic hirsute growth with manifest self complacency. lam quite unable, however, to describe his surprise and difgust when he witnossed how his successor w«s soived, nor pan I attempt to nnalyso tha feelings of the increasing number of lady-killers as one by one their eyes were opened to the hoax that was being so successfully practised. Juft, however, as the tailless fox in the fable sought to popularise his calamity, so the deceived youths banded together for the pHrpose of keeping up the joke, and thus it happened that the Fijian had to work off the whole number. It is nqed lesa to add that there was no more kissing that night. x xx I have often been amused nt tho tender solicitude with which apparently hen pecked benedicts attempt to persuado the Knights of Bachelordom to assume the matrimonial harness. Weight is, how ever, seldom attached to their advice, the general belief amongst tho young f'y being that the murried men, having fallen into tho ditch, ai.d being unable to extricate themselves, ixperieuce a malicious plea sure in seeing »s many of their old com panions as possible plunged iv the Sivme pre dicament. Whether the belief U founded ou fact, is not for me to nay, but important testimony in favour of what is sometimes called the state of mariied miscy, is atl'nrdedbynrecent occurrencein Auckland. A man was arrested for bigamy,ivnd, accord ing to his ownadmission, he was married und became a widower, ami married again. And if the statements of bis accusers are true, he married a third wife before tho second one had departed this life. There is nothing wonderful in all this, but there certainly is in the fact that so bent wus he upon the third matrimonial venture that he married a woman who was already tho mother of tweaty-four children.

One of the most zealous otlicors ia the "foorce" is a well-known local vergeant, but his zeal has for once outrun his dis cretion, and plunged him in misery. Ue has long been anxious to do something that would surround hu muno with a halo of glory, and line his pockets with boon-thing mure substantial. It mattered little to him what tbo character of the exploit was so long as it eventuated, but in the matter nf choice be preferred a "oinuKgling case." This desire ha 9 been daily in his thoughts, and has formed a subject of his dreams, but umit a recent Sunday evening the consum mation of his hopes appeared to l>o as far off aa ever. On the occasion to wh eh I now refer, he was coolins hie heels on the wharf weighbridge, and en passant, I nitty say that the operation was not a very difficult one. Cogitating on the probability of Irish promotion, his attention was suddenly attracted by the appearauco of a man walk ing rapidly up the wbarf. The pedestrian curried a kit, and the sergeant knew that well-di»po?od ciuzens do not carry baskets about with them on Sundays. There was e»ery reason to believe that here was the long-sought-for stnupgliag case, aud vi-ious of a handsome reward and a possible inspectorship quickened the senses ot the sergennt, ftml taking everything for granted, he seized the man. Tae stranger expostu lated, said he had two bottles of water in his kit, and that he meant no harm, but the wily sergeant recommended him to make a closer inspection of the white portion of bis eye if he fanciod there was anything in clined to the verdaut there. Meantime, he would make an investigation concerning tbo contents of the bottles, which were labelled whisky. .Now, the sergeant is an excellent judge of whisky, and his lips watered as he uncorked the bottle. The stranger remonstrated, and endeavoured to regain possession of the vessel, but the officer was too smart for bim, Applying his lips to the bottle, he took a hearty pull from tbe contents, and tbdn with a gronn that might have drawn tears from a lamp post, threw the whole consignment into the street^ and fled to the—well, an adjacent public house. The strangor was my neigh bour Jones, and the bottle had contained silt water in which ho is accustomed to bathe his feet.

Windsor Castle.

Tbe following good story comes from a quarter where we arc assured " its correct ness can be vouched for.'' Many years ago, at tbe time of a great ceremony, Windsor Castle was honoured with the presence of three sovereigns. After breakfast the three potentate* walked and talked on the celebrated " Slope*," ami were, of course, in mufti. They were delighted with the grounds, and presently entered into conversation with a gardener, who evidently took tbem for a party of " gentlemen's gentlemen "• out for a stroll. After some little affable talk, he could not resist the query, " Now, who may you gents be?' " Well," said tho spokesman, " this gentleman here happens to be the King of l'rujsia ; that one stand ing by your side is tbe Emperor oi Austria; and as for myself, I am the Emperor of I'.ussie." This wns carrying the joke too far, thought tho gardener. "I've scon a lot of quoer furrin gents hero lately, but this beats me;" so he bnrat out ia a rather rustic guffaw. " Well, my friend," said the Emperor Nicholas, " you seem amused ; perhaps you will tell us who you are." "Oh, cortaiuly;" 33 taking up tho skirt of his coat with tho action of a great eagle spreading ont his wiags, and spinning round on his heels, ho said, "If you are all what you say you are— why, I am ihe Great Mogul 1 The three Majesties roared with laughter, and. returning, to tho Castle, told tho story at tho luncheon table, to the immense amusement of tho Queen and Wince Albert.—" London Society."

SELECTED POETRY.

[ORIGINAL.) SHE LAST'OF HIS TRIBE. (A New Zealand Ballad.) (DV C. A. SIMONSBJf.} Under tho kauri's evergreen loaf .there wandered tho old andgroy-hairedchlirf'■} the bush was never so dark and wild- It waa but his mothor, and he the caild; His gladness was under the kauri. In war as in peace ho was bold and fair, riio first in his tribo to throw a Bpear; Hia uam-i was respected in every part, Hia within© cluug to his manly heart: His power was under the kauri. Tho whltqmen plundered hig forefather's land And nothing they left from thoir greedy hand; 1 hoy Blow his tribe with a. poisonous sword— " Civilisation," they said, was the proper word: But sorrow was undor tho kauri. His lipa that formerly smiled with glee Were now all sickly and wan to sco; Of brethren and kinsmen were loft him none. But only lug wahino—the only ono: Their tears fell under tho kauri. liut love is a sunny and* joyful rose That often together with Borrow grows; Tho strength of his wahino waned away. 'Mill llowers and leaves on lior sick-bed she lay. licneuth tho ovorgieen kivuri. Ho nursed her by day and ho nursed her by night • He prayed to tho mighty Spirit of .Light • DoepalrinK, ho throw himself on the ground As she budo him farowo 1: and her grave she found ■ Beneath tho evergreen kauri. Undor tho kauri's over-green leaf There wumlorcd the old and gray-haired chief • Tim buali wus always bo dark and wild; * And now Me wept liko a motherloss child: So lonely under tho kauri* * Thoro comes tho whito with his gold, so proud • lie calls from his horso with a loutfi so loud. Hallo, old Maori! say, whoro liave you been? •It Is suoh n timo Bineo X have you. scon. Why do you stick to tho kauri V "I havo no more need for tho whito man's hut.* '100 dear I havo paid for what I havo Kot My Vfuhino is dead, my heart gets colaV ' iho last of my tribe and co weak andoM • I worship my forefathers' kauri." " I give yon, old Maori, a ooin of sold: Tis ever tho loveliest my eyes behold^— Money the first, money tho luat; Money ih always the very beat: lint little /oare for tho kauri." " So much thou has got from the Spirit of Light. But ntivor it cumii to my giooiny sight. Oh 1 if I were white 113 thou. and strong. The light of my eyos would lead 1110 alo»g— To happiness under the kauri." Tho whito ono was oll'on hia Bpoody mare- Thc.ro snood tho chief, with a look of despair "Oh! had I not tuken his coin of gold I By Hint f have all my happiness sold; lieucath the everyroen kauri." Tie rushed towards a lonely dalo, The scoiM of many mi olden talc, Whoro oft hud echoed the rooinnn's tread And many a swartny hero hied : Ueneatli tho eveigreon kauri. "Hie hither, my champions, youroliief fa here; Army ye arouud hia mighty spear. >lio hither, my children, whoro aro yo all gone!" " All gone !" it sounds from tho rocky stone, And from Uie uvorgreon kauri.

Ho fell with dole on tho vortlunt sod, That of old Ma fortifathern proudly trod ; Ho called lor hia tvuhine, thon bowed hiahead— Tno lust or his tribo lay cold and dead, Bencuth the evergreen kauri.

The Ostrich Kick.

When a farmer goes into a savage bird's camp he tatces with him a thorn pole, with a branch or two of tho thorny bush left on the end. This is called a •■ tuck," and waen the tuck is applied to the ostrich's neck or head (vi* tender points),he is almost invariably subdued, and, after ons or two etforts to escape, bolts furiously off to tile other fide of the camp, where he races np nnd down to vent his baflled rage. If, however, the bird gets near enough to his opponent to give the so-called kick, he lifts his bony \uz ns high as his body and throws it forward with demoniac grotesqueness, and brings it down with terrible force, ilis object is to rip the enemy down with his dangerous claw, but in mo»t cases it is the flat bottom of his toot which strikes, aud the kick ia dangerous ns much from its iheet power as from its lacerating effects. It is a movement nf terrible velocity and .power, at all events. (Several in-it inccs may be mentioned ot herd boys b.ifg thus either wounded, maimed, or killed outrinht. One casa occurred near Graaff Kcinct, in wlrch a horse had his bacK broken by a single blow. In this case the bird had endeavoured to kill the rder, but missed him and struck tbe horse. Many persons have been set uaoo by birds when there was no shelter, not even a tree to run to. In such a case, i' the pnrsurd were ncquiint.'d with strutbio s>cti.c«, ha ■wuuld lie flown flat on the ground, where the bird finds it impo»sible to strike him. lint even »his is no light nia'tcr, for some b r 's, in tbeir rage at beiug bullied of their kick, roll over tnetr prostrate enemy, bel lowing with fury ;<nd.trampling upon him in the nio.»t contemptuous fashioo. One man who thus attempted the lying-down plan found that cv ry time ho attempted to rise the bird wpnld return and stand sentry over him, till at last, after cieeping a distance, begot out only by swimming a pond that bounded one side of the caiup.~ ' The Ceniury." 9

A Population Question.

A BTHAHGSR leaned over the bar of a Michigiu uvenuc saloon the other day, and whi»periugly inquired: "Partner, what is the population of the United States?" " Hard on to 50,009,000, I believe," was the reply. " It is over 40,000,000, anyhow !" "Oh, yes.'1 "You'll bet on that!" " I'd like nothing better than to put up ten on it." " Wei, you'll have a chance. There's a chap down in the *hoe store who claims that wohavon'tgot 35 000,000 population, and he Is blnfliai: ovotyhody. l'\[ bring him up if you'll make a bit and take him down a peg." " Bring him along " The stranger went away and returnsd with the bluffer, who had no sooner entered the saloon than he called ont ■ " Where's the man who pa- sthis country has over 40,000 000 population ?" Thesaloonist modontly r p'ipd t(a' he waa tho man, and in. less tha ■ n minute the two ten-dollar bills were put ia the bands uf tho first caller, " There's a new map in th» store ncross the way which h/is the last census figures on it," nnd the saloonist and all went over to sf c the matter settled. The fi;!ores showed that the beer-seller bitd won >y o !a- pe majority, but uothing on that map n^r below, nor ochlnd it, cauld tell what t.ud booomu of tho man who held tho stakes. Indeed, it was only after tbe one who had lost had also slipped away that anybody realised that they were con federates, i hen the victim started out with a club to hunt the world over and reduce the opulation by one, but bis search was vain.