STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT.

AUCKLAND, N.Z., SATURDAY, AUGUST % 1885.

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamisl.]

Some write, a neighbour's name to lash. Some wrl'e-vain thought I—for needful cash, Some write to please the country clash. And raißo a din. For me. an aim I never fash— I write for fun.

Pabaphr«sinc Bret Harte's famous lines •on the " Heathen Chinee," one might very -weli exclaim, .

For ways that are dark And tricks that are vain, The wily bank man is peculiar. The atorie3 teld about the dodges of bank managers to pull up dead horse are legion. Perhaps the most common type of narrative is that which depict? the dismay of the con fiding customer who has been persuaded to pull down his overdraft "by book or by crook " to a stipulated figure, in the belief that he will be permitted to retain it at that, and who has then been summarily closed upon. But the story lam about ta tell departs from tne ordinary track ot misplaced confidences. A lady whose husband ha- been carrying on business, not very successfully, ia a provincial town, had appealed to her father for help in her iamily diffiuultie-. The parent generously respoudad with a draft for £500. But, ignorant of the st>tte of his son-in-law's account, he innocently passed his hand some gift through the bank in which he did his business Now, what happened? The bauk coolly bagged the money, inti mating to tbcir client tbat £500 in reduc tion of overdraft had been credited to him, and his attention was called to the necessity for further reducing his account, the wife and her family, for whom the draft was intended, received no benefit whatsoever. It eeeins to me tnat while such things may happen, it is high time that the long pro jected Act to give further protection to the property of married women was passed through the Leg slatnre. Business is busi ness, and I supp >se bank managers, like other folk who have made bad specr, think any means of recouping themselves allow able ; but most people will agree with the victimised patent iliat this miscarriage of ■a geuerou-) intention oa behalf of his daughter aud her childien is rather more ■than good nature can patiently bear. If bank-men were all onveyed to the place where he wi«hed them settled when the intelligence first reached biln, what rejoic ings there would bs: iv not a few now grief stricken establishments?

New Zealand has missed a grand sensa tion in not beinj; the favoured colony chosen by James Carey as his future home, in which he might have forgotten all the miserable past, and settled down to the enjoyment ot the liberal " blood-money " allowed him by the British Government for his dibclosure of the hurrible plot which compassed tbe lives of Lord Frederick Cavendish and Mr Thomas Burke. Just fancy what a treat it would have been to have a genuine " Irish outrage" in our midst; a real 'Invincible " placed on his trial for the crime ; and perhaps another very fallible brother ready to turn informer and disclose the whole plan ! >he tragic fate of Carey—an assassin falling beturt the bullet of an as?a -sin bolder than him self—is a signal instance of poetic justice, ■an end so befitting the man as to wear the aspect of a retributive judgment. In the case of such as he, the adage, " Nil nisi inortuis bonum," doiM not apply. "Judas, though dead, though damned, we still detest," and James Carey's name, if remem bered at all, will only be spoken to be associated with terms of loathing and execration. The circumstances of his death have also an aspect of grimly humorous suggestiveness. It has been suggested, as a solution to the Irish diffi culty, that if these irascible Celts were only left alone for a fe «v ysars, the race would be effectually exterminated after the fashion •of the Kilkenny cats, iiecent events sbow how the destructive instincts of the race assert themselves. A band of Irishmen conspire to murder some of their country men ; after tbe deed is done, several turn, informers and get the chief murderers •hanged ; then other Irishmen arise and slay the informers, and for this virtuous action the other Irishmen are pretty certain to swing on the gallows. i'hen Da Capo might be written, and tbe old tune with 'Variations innumerable, ployed over again. If they would only take to blowing each 'Other up with dynamite, it would greatly facilitate the process of the liberation of Ireland — liberation from the fiendish machinations of those who, in the name of .patriotism, are staining the fair fame of Irishmen by the most diabolical crimes. Sad is it to see the light-hearted, bat often wrong-headed, peasantry of Ireland follow ing the lead of such unmitigated ruffians - ""doing evil that good maycomo"—or, in ..the words of an old rhyme,

Fighting like devils for conciliation, And hating each other for the love of God!

Why do those scribes who have set up -the snivelling whine about " fair play to IPriestley" cover their noble persona" by writing anonymously 1 Who wants to give -anything else but " fair play" to Priestley ? He has had a fair trial; has walked tbe streets unmolested ; has moved among the rough bushmen and gum-diggers of .Nor thern Wairoa without haying so much as a stone thrown at him. Ninety-nine out of every hundred of the community—not ex cluding the Onehuogaites who egged him— would no doubt have been happy enough if -they had never set eyes upon his sweet features again; on tbe other band, be might have moved about at pleasure with out fear. But when the man has the in decency to attempt to make money out of an unenviable notoriety, the matter assumes a different complexion altogether. It is •well-known that this lecturing; expedition was not projected at Priestley's suggestion "because he conceived he had a grievance or knew aught of prison life. The whole pro ject was hatched in the mind of a Yankee speculator, who, miscalculating British -sentiment on such subjects, thought there was "money in it," and who persuaded Priestley to go into the spec, he (the Yankee) finding the needful and writinc the lecture, bow Priestley, instead of quietly availing himself of that "fair play " which a British public had so gene rously accorded, chose to come forward and challenge their sentiments towards himself by reviving an episode in his life which he, however innocent, should shrink from with horror, and desire to have_ buried in obli vion. He challenged public opinion on his conduct, and I must confess that my own private opinion would be perhaps better expressed in the form of a well-seasoned egg than any other shape. The attack nia.de on the police over the affair goes wide 'of the mark. If a man behaves in a public

place in a manner calculated to create a breach of the peace, he has no reasonable cause of complaint it the breach which be I has provoked, and might have anticipated, actually occurs. XXX While the collective wisdom of the colony, under pressure from their masters, the electors, are exercised over the problem of dealing with our Celestial colonists, "John" is resolved to enjoy his privileges to the full. The other day in a single issue of the Stab appeared two reports of "John's " separate appearances in the - Courts of the country. In the local case, curiously enough, he figured as the vindicator of a rigid administration of local government laws, appearing as one of the petitioners for the unseating of the Newton Highway Board. In the other instance, "John" played not quite so excellent a rdle. As a disturber of the marital bliss of a member of the governing rac*, he was mulcted in the costs of a divorce ca^e. Mrs Holr, of Cbristchurch, seems to have found greater charms in the almond-eyed Ah Chee than in the noble lineaments of her liege Anglo- Saxon lord. Who will say that a Chinese repression bill is not wanted after this ? i XXX Those who have visited the Rotomahana district and gazed upon and listened to the gruesome sights and sounds of that seem ingly infernal region, and who have experi enced an uneasy feeling at the thought that, in this mighty city of Auckland, we are living as it were on the bring of "the lake that burns with fire and brimstone," will noc be reassured by reading the news of the dreadful earthquake which occurred thin week in Italy. The connection between volcanoes and earthquakes is so apparent, and the recent occurrence at Ischia, almost under the shadow of Vesuvius and Etna, seems so confirmatory of the ancient theory, that apprehension may weli be entertained by timid people of a similar disaster befall ing Auckland. But " Zainiel" would seek to dissipate all such fe.-ire, and impress on Aucklanders their absolute security from earthquake shocks. And witb good reason. For is it not evident that these hot springs, geysers, and mud volcanoes, constitute a veritable safety-valve, allowing the mon ster imprisoned in the bowels of the earth to vent his force in harmless fashion, instead of in frightful convulsions', rending the earth's solid surf.cc, and swallowing up cities in a yawning gnlf? Our immunity trom earthquake snooks has been most marked, while the area extending southward from the Hot Lakes as far as Wellington and Christchurch has been the scene of re peated earthquakes, more or iess alarming. as long as these " safety-valves " of ours continue to work we are in no danger from a "bust-up." It any New Zealand city is threatened with the doom which overtook Lisbon, and many a smiling city since, it is clearly not Auckland. Some such judg ment miy, however, overwhelm the bad whisky and lunatic-producing region of Wanganui, the windy and intriguing match box collection on Cook's Strait, or the modern City of the Plain, co conspicuous for its drunkenness and ether vice*. But lest "Zamiel" be nick-named "Zadkiel,"l turn my back on the tempting field of prophecy, and content myself with contem plating "the living Present." xxx It is not often in this climate of Auckland that many fine flourishing young speci mens of the male wall flower are to be seen simultaneously " blowing and a-growing " in the exotic atmosphere of the ball-room, and with motionless persistency, like the raven of Edgar Allan Poe—never flitting but casting a steady shadow on the floor. Sometimes, by way ot divine retribution, this curious horticultural phenomenon is to be witcessed at our local dances. Then the apostle of woman's lights must experience a savage joy at the spectacle of co many growling and disconsolate shirt-fronts. It is difficult to assume a position of composure and contentment when stuck up like a Grecian caryatide, and without other means of venting your disappointment but the wringing of your hands under cover of your coat-tail, or the knotting up of your innocent and unoffending watch-chain. It is still more difficult to feel in a holy mood when some gay, young nimbus of silk or tarlatan comes floating along in happy con tact with a more fortunate shirt-front, maliciously brushes you as ehe goes, and, sweetly smiling consolation over the shoulder of her accompanying Caliban, vanisheslovingly down the ball-room. These are moments in which you realise the full benefit of a sound religious education at yonr mother's knee, and thank her for hav ing impressed upon your young mind the folly of the ridiculous antics which those gyrating idiots are perpetrating before your very eyes. Then you seek tbe shades of the cloak-room, where are other compulsorily virtuous shirt-fronte, smoking with Indian like gravity or polishing up their watch glasses; or you resort to the supper-room, where you cool your heated inner man with blanc-mange and discourse Aristotle to the waiter. XXX The "devouring element" is always a cheerful and exciting subject for both news paper writers and readers, and when the devouring maw has been opened pretty wide and made a good square meal, some thing quite like enthusiasm spreads around. But, uufortunately, our fires, as a rule, are somewhat of a puny, feeble character—too often nipped in the bud, as it were. As a Chicago man once said about San Fran cUco, when in that city during a blaze, "we can't conflagrate worth a cent." Bat if our effoits are humble in thin direction, we are great indeed when it comes to ex plaining the why and wherefore of our unpretending pyrotechnic fizzles. Yes, it is in leaping at a bound to the right conclu sion—in discerning by unerring instinct the cause of things, in the matter of blazes— that the Press shines pre-eminently. For example, there was that little flare-up at Goodson's the other night. Well, one by stander said it was gas explosion ; another remarked it was " a party as 'ad bin emok in';" a third observed that "it might a bin them rats gnorrin* matches ;" —and so these poor ignorant people groped along in the dark, and, for want of more light, gave all sorts of absurd reasons until the Press man cleared the matter up. In one simple little line he settled the difficulty. He showed that the fire was caused by the spontaneous combustion of a green window blind. This theory, which (like its author), is simplicity itself, must commend itself to all unsophis ticated minds. The more you examine it, the more convinced you become tbat the blind did it. There were no traces of cremated rat; no.one was seen smoking in the store; no explosion of gaa was heard; but fragments of a green blind were discovered; ergo, it must have been caused by that blind. Let us hope that

people will be very careful, ior " if thefts things be done with the green blind, what may be done with the dry?" x x x Last week, feeling a little "hippish," the doctor ordered me a day or two of country air aud exercise. Casting about in my mind where 1 should find all the elements of country lite within easy reach, 1 hit upoa the Domain as supplying the requisite conditions of mud, dirt, and wet. Girdiog up my loin?, 1 proceeded thitherward, and found it perfectly delightful— tbe mvi lie ing nice, soft, pliable, and sticky, aud I ad mired the considerateness of the Domain Board in doing all in their power to pre serve the walks in their present state. After about half-an-hour's ploughing through the sticky clay, I arrived at the magnificent, entrance of tbe Acclimatisation Gardens, And, ye gods ! what a grand entrance 1 I have surveyed the entrance of the •' Jardin d'Acctimatisatien " at Paris, and many other noble structures in other cities of tbe world, but nothing approaching the splendour of this entrance ever met my view. Massive gates, hung od grand pillars —the whole of an elaborate dehign whica " beggars all description/ Of cuurse, on entering, the effect was rather spoiled by the sight of the rotten pine tree widen helped to support the gates, bnt my disgust was doubtless due to my uncultivated taste. Passing this glorious portal, I entered the gardens, and was at once impressed with a deep sense of the noble work which the Society is doing on behalf of the colony. Accosting the courteous guardian of the place, I was snown over tbe grounds and had the "lions " pointed out to me. With pardonable pride he called my attention to the various exotic p!ant3 which he had suc cessfully raised. And what a worthy laboar in acclirnatisatidn was represented by the flourishing beds of sorrels, docks, thistles, &c. ! I can soberly state tbat 1 never spent a more instructive hour in my life than I did in an inspection of that magnificent collection of botanic specimens, called " weeds " in the speech of the vul gar. As I returned fiom my rusticatioD, I thought that Auckland had good reason to be proud of the Acclimatisation Gardens, and well might her citiz;ns unite in giving honour to the managers of tbe Society, by placing their busts upon the gateway aforementioned. I finished my country trip by going next day to the Hospital Garden, which I found a sensibly-kept affair in comparison with the " high art " displayed in the Domain Garden ; but even there I found lots of mud and wet, quite sufficient to cure me of my attack of in cipient " blues." xxx One of our young bloods, who, although married, still "goes the pace," had a rather singular experience early the other morning. He had been out for the night with a few friends, and becoming slightly elevated from the effects ot frequent pota tions, felt in a very quarrelsome mood. He also became rather loquacious, and when ia the vicinity of Albert-street and Victoria street junction, delivered himself thualy: — " liook-a-here, now, yer say m' wife '11 be erspecting me—she won't, see. I'm going er Wellington with er repre sentative football team I got er big say in that affair, I tell yer.'' One of his companions questioned the latter statement, which exceedingly enraged the would-be athlete, whose passion became almost boundless when another individual described him as a " conceited little whip per-schnapper,"and recommended him to go home to the missus and the bairns. Taking off his coat and a new belltopper, he deposited them on the footpath and " went for " one of his tormentors like a young bull at a red rag, the result being that he got far more than he bargained for. With a knock-down blow he wa3 hurled into the gutter. His antagonist at once relented, and gently hoisted him by the slackest part of his nether garments to tbe perpendicular again. The unfortunate indi vidual had no f ooner got tbe mud out of his eyes than lie discovered another fellow sitting square on his new tile, and he used some exceedingly forcible laneuage, which amounted to tbe fact that his Sunday hat had been spoiled, and his wife was sure to knpw he had been on the spree, and he would, at some future time, utterly annihi late ail his tormentors. Eventually he was induced to proceed homeward, carrying tbe belltopper in his band, for his head was so swollen from the fighting experiences that it would not go 00. He was accom panied by a friend. When half-way up College Jrioad, homew&rd bound, they stumbled across a man lying on the flat of his back on the pavement. The man, it appeared, had been expelled from his dwelling by an aogry wife, who objected to his "making a beast of himself" at the public-honse. it was agreed that the man ought to be assisted inside of the bouse, and my young friend, after giving bis damaged belltopper to his companion, re marking that he "couldn't afford-er-nother one," placed himself in a pugnacious atti tude. He then stooped down with diffi culty, caught the otber tipsy man by the shoulder, anil tried to pull him up, but he met with a very unex pected repulse; The man who was lying down suddenly struck oat forcibly with both fists, and one blow caught the Good Samaritan very severely on the side of his head, rolling him over into the street and covering him with mud. He got up slowly, took bis belltopper from his com panion, and after looking at it solemnly for a few minutes, he hiccoughed, "Well, alter all, Johnny, it migrtt'er been worse. This'll account to the missus for tbe new tile getting smashed, eh 1" and wandered on, leaving the other inebriated individual to take "pot luck." x y x , The McKenna-Sullivan case has only passed through its incipient stage at the Police Court. The next phase, in its civil aspect—without knock-down blows—will, it is anticipated, be worthy the genius of Shakespeare. In the matter of Irish humour and twists of Sullivanic wit, the case has rarely been surpassed in our courts of equity and law. The Bench could scarcely sustain its gravity; even the Court, bad as it is in its acoustic pro perties, reflected smiles upon its walls. The scene where tall Francis saw a light at mid night in the corner shop, and bis description of the gaunt figure of Sullivan behind the counter, with Frank's veritable, newly sharpened shears in bis band, cutting West of England clotb, was described with graphic force. He knocked at the door, Sullivan trembled and turned out the gas; then there was the terrible encounter —Frank on his back and Sullivan on the floor. Said a witness, rejoicing in the classical appella tion of Orlando, "There was a deal of jostling." Sullivan said he knew what be ; was about, although he was fearfully mud

died, tie did not see much, it was true, because (pointing to hla black eye) his eye was bunged up. There were three rounds in the conflict, and Sullivan, according to his own account, got the worst of it. Mr Courtney acknowledged tbat he bad been the unintentional cause of tbe tailors' row, or what is now familiarly known a3 the "Cabbage and Goose, or the Farce of Pitt-stteet." He found money for the McKenna-Sullivan emporium, but no sooner had they got his money than they, like the tailors of Tooley-street, had a big drunk and a set-to. He went to see after his interest, and was unceremoniously tumbled out, but, like a philosopher, he could "bide his time." The solicitor for the honafide tailors was Mr Jackson, whose very appearauce and open features denote a jollity of disposition, and he elicited these startling facts from Frank McKenna iouch ing the position of tsullivan : " Egad," said Frank, '' and by faith and he was no partner at all; I simply took him in out of pure charity, and employed him to run errands and get customers; be did very well, even to the fetching of the milk, until he got too big for his boots;" and another thing Frank did not approve of, as master of tbe house, was Sullivan taking sly opportunities of slipping into the kitchen for the purpose of talkiug to Frank's housekeeper, and once he was detected below feasting on apple pie. He rebuked him and gently scolded the housekeeper, wbo said she would not do it any more. Sullivan was in a rage—he had not finished the apple pie—and he flourished a six chambered pistol. Sergeant White here stood up and uttered a funniosity, his face wreathed with smiles. " Was it a pistol of brandy ?" said the humorous sergeant. " No," said Frank ; "it was bullet." Mr Jackson rose, with assumed gravity, and appealed to the Bench. " Was chaff to be admitted into a case ot so serious a nature as this 1 It was not to be supposed that his client's sense of smell was in such a state that he could not distinguish between the smell of gunpowder and that of brandy." And on asking a question, Frank said, "He threatened to cook my goose." Sergeant White said this, he understood, was merely a trade-term, a kind of a " shear " off. At all event?, poor ex-detec tive Sullivan hud to pay smart money or return to the mansion under the bills of Eden,

It is not often that the almond-eyed Celes tial can be accu«ed of anything that would justify an accusation of wild speculation in money matters, and yet a circumstance which came under my own observation this week provesthat when placed in compeiition with his European brethren, he is capable of something more enterprising than tbe cheese-paring which is supposed to ba one of his chief characteristics. The incident which 1 refer to was as follows: The Domain Board invited applications from persons willing to lease the gardens, and amongst, the tenderers was a Chinaman, who offered the very fair sum of £32. Probably he thought that he was trying to get the place too cheaply, and feared that he might lose it, because next day he called at the office of the Board and obtained leave to add an additional offer of £6. Even then his mind did not rest easy, and a few minutes before the meeting commenced he interviewed the secretary and offered £2 more. This made a total of £40, but he was still £12 short. The Heathen Chinee evidently would not appreciate the substitution of a system of tendering for the more satisfac tory one, so far as he is concerned, of bar gaining.

A. Strange Disappointment.

A PARISIAN writer tells a good anecdote of a young American, Mr P , who was en joying the festivities of the gay capital under 'he guardianship of his parents. It seemed he attended a grand ball, where his supreme desire was to meet an an gelic fair one. He first looked all around, waiting to make a decision that moment he should find a fine waist and small feet. These beauties he discovered in a domino of small figure, who took his arm, and began to intrigue with him. 'l'he lady told him his name, the city of the United States from which he came, and, after all the pre liminaries, she related to him many flirting excursions which he bad made at Saratoga and Newport. All these things, whispered in good English, were very puzzling to Mr P. ; and in order to find out who was his fair companion, he invited her to supper in a private cabinet. The lady at first refusad, but after some time she consented, and the couple started in a carriage for the well known restaurant of yachette, where all the Americans take their meal?, A cabinet was opened, the final petit supper was ordered ; and when they came to eat it, the lady was obliged to take off her mask. Mr P. discovered in her—his own mother!

The Professor in a Fix.

Some students in one of the English colleges being frequently nnnoyed by the nocturnal and inquisitorial visits of a professor, who suspected them of plajing cards, one even inc prepared a kettle of mush, otherwise called hasty pudding,, and by the time it was boiled had seated themselves around the table in the attitude of card-playing, waiting patiently for the well-known step of the professor. It was no sooDer beard than a large out side pocket of one of them was forthwith filled with hasty pudding, and all were Beated as before. As soon as the professor opened the door, the student who was loaded with the mush made a sudden sweep over the table with his hand, as if to gather up the cards, and with another motion apparently put them into the pocket containing the mush. These movements could not help being noticed, as they were intended to be, by the professor, who, considering them aa a pretty strong evidence of guilt, broke out with the following : — "Well, young gentlemen, I've caught you at last, have 1?" "Why, yes, sir, we are all here." "So I see you are, and you have been playing cards, too." " No, sir, it is ntit so." "It isn't, ha ! What have you got in your pocket, young man 1" •' Hot hasty pudding, sir." " Hot hasty pudding, ha ! hasty pudding, have you ? I'll hasty puddirig you !" said the professor, at the same time thrusting his arm half-way to the elbow into the hot hasty pudding. The dolorous looks, the shaking of fingers, the groaning and capers of tbe pro fessor, belong to the sphere of imagination, not description.

An etymological dictionary of the German language, by Dr. Friedrich Kongo, haa been published in Straaburg.

SELECTED POETRY.

CHORAL IDYLL.

"New Zbaundu" Men. I know a being fair. Chokus Wh .is she? WhoiSßho? She's the pet of sun and air. Chorus—Can it be! Can it bo ! None who've sung of Aphrodite rising glorious from tho main Tell how stately New Zealandla from the womb of ocean came. Chorus—Now Zealandia 1 That's her name t Ages, passed, and no man sought her. Chokus Not v. lovbr, not one lover? Yes. two constantly did court her. Chorus—New Zoalandia-liko all over. Daily drew th'» sun his tribute of hot kisses an& went roaming. While tha mons'i'r sea kept crawling round her feet with love-sick moaning. Chokus—New Zealandia ! Woman-owning*. Now she boasts of lovers more. Choruh Wear« some of those bleat follows. But she should have countless score. Chorus So she ought, for we're not jealous. Come then, brothers, chant in cadence sweet' and sounding as we (jo. Of tho hoaith and wealth and beauty Now Zeaiandiahns to show- Ciiouus-Ktady. brothers, on we go. North wards far to Mongonui, Chorus Glow the orange, peach, and lime. Auckland o'er thy meadows dewy. Chukus Citrons gleam in wintertime. On the fields of Canti»briggia wheaton-seas wave in the sun, Over wild Oragan pastures sheep and kino in thousands run. Chorus—New Zealandia, blessed one. On tho Woflt her i"roated mountains, Chorus—Smitn the sky and foil the male. Flowing from them tiny fountains Chorus -Swell to rivers in tho plain. Land of bold and placid beauty, land of all tho temperate zquo, With its various fruits and breezos, set by Nature thus alone ; Chorus—For us happy folk to own. Sing then, brothers, ping in cadonco. Chorus—Shout wo rather—t'is her due. There would run a. world-wido fame hence, Cnoßus—lf all but her merits knew. Rugged joys of Caledonia, charms of Andalusian land. Wait on tho«e who seek the favours poured from New Zoalandia's hand. Chorus—New Zealtmdia fair and grand. M. Hooo. Auckland, July, 1883.

JOHN'S WIFE.

A young wife stood with her hand on her broom And looked around the little room ;

•' Nothine but roil for over," she said. "From early morn till the light has lied. If you only were a merchant now. Wo need not live by the sweat of our brow.' Pegging away, spoko shoemaker John— " We ne'er see well what we're standing on,

A lady stood by her hnßband's chair. And quietly passed her hand o'er his hair; " You never have time for me now," she said And a tear-drop fell on the low-bent head.

" If you were only rich, my dear. With nothing to do from year to year Rut amuse each, other—oh dear me! What a happy woman I should bo " Looking up from his ledger, spoke merchant John— " We ue'er see well what we're standing on."

A stately form in velvet dressed— A diamond uleimirti? on her breast ; " Nothing but toil for fashion," Bhe said. " Till I sometimes wish that I were dead; If I might cast this wealth aside. And be onco more the poor man's bride." From hia easy chair, spoke gentleman John— " We no'er see well what we're standing on." —Emma Bassett,

Wedlock.

Du. Woodbbidge, in his sermon on mar riage, exempted from tbat blissful condition diyera classes of humankind hampered with spiritual and ph > sieal disorders, to wit: the depraved, the ungodly—also in a certain sense tbe godly—and those afflicted with diseased or infirm systems. Correct: but the worthy divine did not complete the cir cle of marital impossibles. He should have exempted ail renhetic men, and possibly nearly all .-esthetic women. Literary men, especially, are no more fitted for matrimony in general than for piracy. That state which, to the average rcan is productive, or sup posed to be productive of the acme of earthly happiness, to the man of intellect is usually fraught with manifold sorrows. Why is not for us to s.iy. f. xpenence has so proved, and facts are usually undeniable. Nature undoubtedly intended that the sexes should pair—one man with one woman. Scripture has so avouched, and nature endorses the wisdom of the injunction. A man without a woman is incomplete, even as a woman without a nian is a nonentity. Mate the twain and tbe genux'Jiomo is complete. But this is true ouiy so far as the average man is concerned, and ttie average man ia not an intellectual, thousin he may be an intelligent being. The intellectual man is unfitted for matrimony. He is a Pegasua, spoiled by being harnes«ed to the plough. Social and household duties do not sit kindly upon him ; he mußt be free to be happy ; clip his wings and he can no longer soar. As for poets, legitimate pairing is death to them. Woe to that lyrical soul that enters the cage of matrimony I The harp must be broken or discord will vex the domestic hearth. Yoking a full-blooded poet to the average wife is like chaining an eagle to a canary bird. We agree with the reverend gentleman on one point: All men are not fitted for wedlock.

A Willow Foiled.

Captain W has just returned from the Warm Springs. The captain is a widower. At the Springs was a widow, who rather set her cap for the captain. The girls bad told him to be on the look out, and tbe captain replied, well, he was ready. Sitting on the portico one evening, the cool breeze fanning like a ten-cent palm leaf, and thinking ot his daughters far away at school, the wito w moved up close by and opened conversation. " I hear, captain, you have grown-up, daughters ?" " Yes, madam, I have." "How I should like to see their pic» tures." '• I will show you the picture of my eldest daughter," said the captain, handing her one. " Oh, such a sweet face," said tbe widow; " and such a fine eye ! Isn't she called like you, captain ?'' " I don't know, madam, tbat she is." "Itis a wonder to me, Captain W , you do not get married." " Well, ma'am, I never think of it; for the woman I'd bave might not have me, and then, you know, vice versa." "Yes, but what kind of a lady would suit: you?" and the widow looked her sweetest. It was right here the captain's wonderful nerve never forsook him, but setting his eyes steadily at the widow's, he hardened his heart, and replied: — " Madam, she must be ninety-five years old to a second,-and worth §200,000." "It is getting so chilly out here, I must go for my shawl," said the widow ; and she looked fiigid zone* at the captain as sha brushed him by with a toss of her head.