THE STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT.

i: ,, AUCKLAND, N.Z., SATURDAY, AUGUST 25, 1883.

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamiel.] Some ■write, a neighbour's name to lash. Some -wTito-vaiu thought !-for needful cash, Some write to please the country clash, i And raise a din. For me, an aim I never lash— I write for fun. Thw poet who wrote the well-known dis tich— "Lo* Laws and Learning, Art and Comme roe . die. But leave us still our old nobility," would f.-el melancholy if he wee alive and could see the bad straits to which the *' lords " of New Zealand are reduced. Laws, Learning, and the rest are all in a hopeful and flourishing condition, while " our nobility " seem to be, in the language of popular metaphor, on their last legs Condemned by the voice of public opinion long ago, the existence of the nominated Chamber is now threatened hy Government legislation, and another year will in all probability witness its abolition, de-spite the adage that threatened people live long, and despite that other and truer saying which declares that abuses die hard. Meanwhile it has afforded me some amueement to wit iieae the strenuous ellurts as self-preeerva tlon which have been made hy some mem bers of the legislative Council. Mr Fha razyn has been moving to aboli«h the honorarium, with the idea that the people would endure the Chamber if tney were relieved of the pecuniary burden which it entails. He evidently believed that the occupation of an M.L..C. is a virtuous one, and therefore its own reward ; perhaps he had been reading that little poem hy the roet-LauieaW on " Wages," which declare* it to be the V Glory of Virtue, to fight, to stniggle, to right ' the wrong - Give bur tho wages of going on. and not to die." His brother Couucillors, however, could hot see the thiu< in the same light, and they almost unanimously negatived the motion whicii was to deprive them of the substantial " wages " which they esteem so highly, .-is a measure oi Belf-pre*ervation, I am hound to say that Mr Pharazyn's motion wai a complete mistake. Its eiFect woald have been to practically extinguish the Chamber, for a good many of our old nobility, 1 feel assured, would never dream of gathering together at Wellington if there were ug "fi'*'1; lur.re" in the ques tion, ihe Chamber is thus doubly doomed, and cannot hope, by relinquishing the hono rarium, to eecure " the wages ot going on." .y nether we shall gee a better Chamber tarOugu the agency of Hare's system of Toting, is a question beyond my prophetic powers ; but it will at any rate be more popular, because representative, and there will be less chance of its drifting into the nucleus of a new aiistocracy. Already the poasent Council has made a steo towards the recognition of hereditary claims ; for it is but a few weeks since an offer was en tertaioed from one of the members who volunteered to resign on condition that his son was appointed in his stead.! This is a straw on the current showing whither we might very speedily drift; and having a due regard for A its. Commerce, Laws and Learning, and not wishing them to die, or to be severely taxed to support a lot of -drones, I cast in my vote against "our old n6%iiity," and wish them a speedy exit. xxx Competition amongst the local Jehus stems t'> inn exceedingly high. One can hardly est a parsing glance at the cab stand without eliciting a full chorus of the trade cry, " -.ah, tir? cab, siiJ" uttered in the peculiar, jerky, staccato fashion, which distinguishes the driving confra ternity, while, if the musiuj; wayfarer is heedless enough to stand still and gaze abstractedly upon the bb.ort-co.4ted, billy cook-hatted, und slangy-toogued gentry of the stable, he is sure to lie carried oil' by main free. Of this dread contingency I had ocular demonstration the other day. I was taunteriug down Queen-street iv the early afternoon, when I perceived, shuilliug along hand-in-hand some distance in front of me, a couplu of Maori maidens decked out in newly-purchased finery and tight boots, while a lew yards in the rear strode their gallant, who had been heavily iu vesting in tlop clothing of the London 'Arry cue. They looked curiously about them as they parsed along, and occasionally stopped to have a better view. When they arrived abreast of the stand, the dusky Lothario haled to admire the display of horse-fle-h, and at the action the whole ttibe of Jehus, rising in full ciy, made a rush for him.' The Maori, ia alarm, looked around for a convenient place of refuge, but he was quickly surrounded, and, amid a JBabei of noise, hustled out to the street, whence I saw a tall and athletic cabby hoist him on. to the cushioned peat of a tour-win elcr. Meanwhile his fair, or reiser, dai k companions, had giided up their lons and fled the scene in great casinay, but they were soon brought back i;nd en sconced be»ide the other "fare." The party drove off in great glee, tae Maori lover politely removing the horse-cloth from the animal's backs, and handing it to his inamoratos for their convenience. They evidently considered it a trip "on the cheap." My interest in the scene, how ever, was nearly involving me ih a similar adventure, but I managed at last to con vince three or four extremely pertinacious "cabbies " that I was not In need of their services. Hart it been otherwise, I verily believe_ they would have dismembered me in their eagerness to contest the supposed "fare." xxx The bankruptcy announcement of one of the original peggers-out of the Shotover claim, -whose wealth ten years ago might have been reckoned by the tens of thonsands, has this week formed the fruit ful text of many philosophical reflections on 'Change. Of the little party of needy miners who made a fortune for themselves by that lucky hit, and rescued Auckland from an impending crisis by proving that there was a payable goldiield within four hours' sail, not one has invested his money to good advantage. One of tho party is, I believe, working in a coal mine at New castle ; and those of the others who have managed to save a small competency from their pile, have put the bulk of their wealth into bad investments. It is " easy come, eaay gone." The thought and toil involved in accumulating wealth by the slow process of a life's work ia the best training for: the cultivation of the talents necessary for re taining it. But upon the average profits of gold-mining speculation the report upon the goldfields. oi Mow Zealand laid before

Parliament this cession.. discloses some I'ignificant fact]?. Ihe number of miners employed on our goldfields last year was , 14,523. and the total gold yield was equal to_ £69 10s per miner. No-v the wages of miners employed upon these goldfields ranee from £2 2s to £3 per week, exclusive of the wages of engineers, mine managers, &c., who draw much higher pay. Taking as ttie mean, however, £2 10s per week, or £130 per annum, if we deduct, the £69 10s paid out of the gold yield, we nuve a balance of £60 10s per man loss, to be paid for by shareholders—or a total losb of £879,246 per annum on the labour alone employed on our goldfields. Bat, besides that, the mining plant in .New Zeiland is valaed at £462,658, on which iutere-t should be paid. Then tiaere are expenses in powder, candlea, and other usable materials—to say nothing of legal mana gers, printing, advertising, and the host of expenses Known ouly too well to directors who are working mines off gold. Talk about unlimited 100 and sweeps : was ever gambling carried on at such long odds as these'? The few prizes require to be good to keep np a supply of speculators willing tp hazard their money at the game. And, looking at the strong inducements offered to men who have been lucky to invest their winnings in the same lottery, is it any marvel that the end pf goldfielda luck in nine'cases out of ten is the Bankmptcy Court ? A man ia gambling with the onda of three to one against bim, and he has only to play at the game long enough to be cleaned out. It may fairly be doubted whether, with all their boastid liberality of thought, there is a more conservative and selfish body in so far as their own privileges are concerned than the long-gowned and nig-pated brigade, vulgarly known as "The Devil's Own." There hate been, of couise, and doubtless are still, plenty of individual in stances to the contrary, bnt this is their character as a corporation, deny it who can. They have ateaafastly withstood all en deavours to open up the legal profession to the fair competition of merit add ability, however humble their rank, and they re &srd .with an unfavourable eye all success lul reforms in tbis direction. When the Government last session, fearful of the kudos Geo. Grey would inevitably re ceive if he succeeded in passing his Lu-vr Practitioners Bill, forestalled him to some extent by rendering the passage of examina tions the only passport to a legal career, a learned judge made the significant re mark, " Then God help those who go up for examination." The students who un derwent the recent law examination in this city are now able, I believe, to feel the cogency and force of the expression, and their case, 1 suppose,. Is typical of that of all other the examinees. I nave been informed that the questions set, especially on the subject of "practice," were ex tremely far-fetched and catchy, so that very few escaped being tripped up by them. Imagine, for instance, Auckland students beinn asked to state the mode of procedure ituder such a peculiarly Otagan ordinance as "The Rabbit Nuisance Act 1 " while there were plenty of such recondite questions as the one which required a precis of the provisions of the Drainage net. Verily, those who pass into the happy hunting grounds ot the lawyers under toe present condition of things must do so after a pretty considerable effort. I fear that so far as JJiek Feltus is concerned it must be a case of " hape deferred " for some time longer ere he can mount the Bench that he is so anxious to dignify, XXX. A scene of limitad duration occurred a few days since in the Auckland Market, whicb paused quite a atir in the centre of that Ugaalfy tranquil resort of green grocers, batchers, furniture broker.-', and rabbit vendors. The farcical exhibition of human weakness showed how easily some persons are excited in the absence of con ciliatory reason, and how they resori; to physical force instead of persuasive elo quence fcr the settlemeßt of disputes. Savages and barbarians may quarrel with* out much skill in the art of doing so. They need not disagree often,nor elaborately. .But for civilised life, where quarrelling goes on perpetually, more ability is needed, I have heard of cases where persons are so fitted by nature that they can quarrel, as it were, by inwinct, and the smallest pro vocation will serve their purpose. They can prolong an occasion to the utmost limit, and end the matter triumphantly ; j but ordinary persons cannot trust to their ! unaided capabilities in this way —they need helps, rules, and ascertained modes of settlement, and not infrequently go to Court, when a kind arbitrator might have squared differences and saved unnecessary expense. 'Abe Markec scene to which I refer arose out of jealousy, and closed, ia the first instance, with a blow on the lesser man's eye. One was a fancy weaver of willows,' the other a maker of stools. The scene was ludicrous enough while it lasted, and attracted a bevy of stall-keepers and little girls and boys. It was a veritable realisation of the axiom, "two ot a trade can never agree," for be it remembered the antagonists were chair-makers, 'ihere was some preliminary cross-firing about a small m»tter, not worth mentioning, loud words, rough and unseemly, then a rush, then a Wow. The Market folks were highly delighted, regarding a fight as a happy break to the monotony of Market life. A little chubby girl, Agaie, or the "Daisy" as she ia termed, clapped her hands in girlish ecstacy, and shouted "here's a row." The wife of one of the combatants pulled her upouse back by the flap of bis coat, bnt, unfortunately, the tail gave way, one half was left in her hands, and the infuriated man's right fist went against the willow-worker's eye. Before a retaliating blow was returned, the pacific toy-maker leaped forward and prevented what might have been a battle worthy of Sayers. The little man, with his black eye as his incontrovertible witness, appealed to the law, the smiter was smitten, and a forty-shilling peace-plaster was ordered for the due suppression of his pugilistic pro pensities for three months. XXX I have oftentimes been at a loss to divine the cause of the many, very many, surpass ingly ingenious devices of my brethren and slstern ia the Church to raise the " needful" for carrying on the work thereof ; and, after many anxious days and sleepless nights, the conclusion has been forced upon me that either the ecclesiastical dignitaries of the Church live above their means, or else there is some hidden virtue in having an everlast ing debt;on each and every place Jof wor ship,—at least, with one or two singular exceptions. I But,- reader, lest you should draw a wrong inference from my first hypo thesis, please remember that I do not mean to say the minister's pay (stipend, don't

they coll it?) is in many instances b yond th'-church's means, and in others far be yond wh<it is required for the minister's necessities and luxuries. Wary a bit of it. Besides, if this gentleman does not be liberally dealt with, he may t-uddeoly re ceive a " call " to Eome other portion of the great vineyard. However, to proceed with the detailment of my cogitations. Onecannot but be struck with the numer ous schemes "iv aid of the church funds." A branch of one denomination advertises the_ novel plan of a cbes* tournament with " living " pieces ;at least one othei church makes up tn« pastor's screw by bulls and concerts, to -which he riyhteously objects ; several others go in heart and soul for " grand" concerts, o'gan recl'Jils, and bazaars ; another on'! displays a new series of pictures by limelight ;"and, last, but not least, another section announces the most attractive fact that an "ad dress " will be delivered on " The i."an and Building Fund!' My ttara ! when the last : sentence was photographed on the retire of my opticil nrgnns, and thence trans formed into that imponderable tiling called thought or perception, I determined to be present to hear the interesting subject dis coursed upon by a gentlenwn of ability (another attraction by the tax), for it seemed to me that there would surely he a " large and respectable " audience, and I should, moreover, be woke up to a sense of my duty to see that the new scheme is carried to a successful issue. Unfortunately. I was unable to be present, but "no doubt" it was a treat to those who were. Now some persons will be saying to themselves "Zamiel" doesn't believe in the vaiious means which are taken to augment church funds ; but let me say that I fee no harm in many of the things devised I can't agree with all. Nevertheless, it ap pears to me a very undesirable practice for church-people to go beyond their means in order to erect large aud expensive build ings—that is, to borrow big sums of money without anything like a fuir prospect of paying off me same, incurring obligations wnicn are, of course, greatly increased by the interest and other incidental expenses. "Owe no man anything" is a command which church folks would do well to obey. However, let's hope that each of the innu merable schemes may receive a '■ fair share of public patronage," and that the several churches may be assisted in clearing iff old scores, aod—contracting new ones. xxx The irrepressible Garrard, aided by the veteran Feltus, has appealed unto C.-esar. The indictment, I am told, assailes the institutions of this enlightened country in general, irom its returning officers and judges to its Legislature, and will furnish a large amount of waste paper for lighting the fires in the Colonial Uffice. Willing at all times to help a poor fellow in getting his grievances redressed, X h&ve a little sag. gestiou to offer, namely, that Garratd fhouid toiiow in the wake of his capacious envelope, and give the benighted Britishers the benefit of his advice and varied experience. Or, as he appears to have become disgusted with the white man and his institutions gene rally, the champion might get tattooed and go into partnership with Sydney Taiwbsnca ia his next mission. The "white chief" from New Zealand would make a tremen dous impression on the minds of the leaders of the "Aborigines Protection Society," and trarrard.UkeSydney.raikbtevenbeadmitted to a confab with, the Prince and Princess of Wales, Jn his present garb be will never succeed in getting a proper amount of at tention paid to his wrongs ; whereas, if he were only a " coloured brother," how bene volent old ladies would gush about the cruel laws that oppress him I Notwith standing his undoubted sldll in enjoying life with a minimum amount of work and a large amount of talk, Garrard has not yet advanced to the perfection in that line which js normal in the untutored savage ; and I have never yet met the white man who had. XXX A remarkable contradiction {6 the portrait of John .Bull, so often presented to the world at large by the Loudon "Punch," has several times recently been exposed to the gaze of the Bench of Justice? at the Police Courr, in the person of a litile man, now at Mount Eden, who per-ists in say ing that his name is " John Bull," although severely questioned on this head by Con stable Mitchell, who expresses grave doubts as to the truth of the diminutive fellow's statement. "You a Bull," reiterated the shrewd lock-up keeper, "and born at Kilkenny." " piever mind," returned the prisoner, " I am a member of the esteemed Bull family, and my name is John." "Ah, but you are so thin, and consequently must be a stray animal," The little fellow laughed, and then bellowed. " ivow," said he, "do you doubt my paternity ?" "I am of opinion that you are a member of tlie tribe to which Balaam was attached," was the scathing reply. The Bull'family are not of long descent. Englishmen in the time of Shakspere knew nothing of Punch's representative figure. John Bull evidently belongs to a later period, to comparatively modern times. The proverb is taid to embody the wisdom of many and the wit of one, and it 12 easy to understand how the idea, once hit upon, would be recognised as singularly admirable. For a long time, bat how long, " Zamiel" does not know, Britannia and her lion were the only national representatives of the country; but in what is termed the Augustan age, John Bull arose in recognition and favour. It is believed by some critics that the portljr figure was shadowed forth, in the first instance, in the "History of Joha Bull," to be found among Swift's satires ; bat, be this as ie may. it was Gillray, the artist, in 1800, who first drew the plump, sleek, good-humoured, rubicund figure, with which most readers of "Punch" are familiar. If little John Bull, who is just tall enough to peep over the prisoner's box, and with his thin, email voice to plead guilty, he a veritable flesh-and-blood mem ber of the great Bull family, he must have degenerated considerably from the original type—in consequence, possibly, of ceasing to feed upon the roast beef of Old Kngland. XXX I bad a word or two to say last week about the teachers and their holidays, and the tone of my remarks will free me from any undue leanings towards their canse. But I must confess I was in ignorance then of the absurd regulation which compels certificated teachers to go down every Saturday morning for tho purpose of being put through their facings by Captain Mahon. It must be left to the inmates of the Whau Asylum to devise anything more utterly ridiculous than thia preposterous mandate. Are the Board aiming at the creation of an auxiliary Amazonian Defence Force as a protection against foreign in vasion ? To subject the ladles employed in schools to the wretched humiliation of this weekly drill is disgraceful, and it speaks volumes for the subduing character of the

Board's system that it has been tolerated. The whole question of this Saturday regula tion lies in a nutshell. Is the Board's ex amination for certificate* a sufficient one or not ? If it is, then any rule which compels teachers who have earned their certificates to ga through exer ciees beyond wlmt ia called for by their sch-ol duties, is an oppressive regulation, if the examination for certificate* is not a sufficient one, why then, widen its scope to embrace any other subjects considered necessary. But in th« nd,me of common sense don't treat the teachers in a way that will degrade (heir self-resp'ct, and possibly bring them into the contempt of tbechilciien ani'inj; whom they have to maintain disci pline. I remember when 1 was a school bey I looked up to the teacher with awe as a beina; occupying a sort of inacce-sib!e height of wisdom and dignity, ami I believe the school was all the better for this pervad ing feeling of respect for the men who were conducting it. ihe tone recently adopted by tbu Board towards the teachers, how ever, seems only calculated to lower them in the estimation of the children nnder their C3re, aod to make them feel the curb of a petty tyranny. xxx Everybody seems gratified tbat the cbar«es prelerred by the police against Firemau Moore were dismissed, so I ruay fafelv con clude tbat no harm has been done. Bat it does appear to my puzzled mind that rhe decision of the Justices on the objection raised by Mr Hesketh is a decidedly shaky one, so far as the law ia concerned." They were understood to decide that no offence is committed until the offender shall have struck a blow. If this is really a correct reading of the law, then how about the thousand aud one persons who have been punished from time to time for " using threatening and abusive language whereby a breach of the peace might have been oc casioned." Tbequestion now arises ■whether the fines and imprisonment thus meted out were just and leaal, aud, if not, wkat re medy have the sufferers against the police? I>n the other hand, the decision in the Moore caie ia a nice precedent for pug nacious individuals to shelter themselves behind. According to it, they are justified by the law in threatening and bullying the police on the occasion of all public assem blages, and so loiag as they refrain from personal violence, they secure immunity from the pleasures of a night in the lock-up. Surely this is not law, and yet the Justices say it is. XXX I am not naturally inquisitive, and yet I would like to know something. It is re lited that during the scene at the recent Albert-street fire a prominent police officer (and I do not mean Sergeant Clarke) ex pressed regret tbat his men were not armed with their carbines, in which case he would order them to shoot the mob down. Surely it is not possible that such a statement could have been made, and y«t for some days the little episode was the subject of town talk. However brave and warlike the sentiment might have been, I have reasons for believing that it was not concurred in by other members of the " fooroe" on the ground, one of whom is reported to have said that he would be very sorry to obey his. superior's commands unless he was served with blank cartridge. Probably the officer was the same who mounted guard at the station armed with a baton when the arresting party was approaching, butt who made an undignified retreat into the station when some larrikin. " fetched " Constable Kelly's helmet with a piece of street metal, x x .jt A local representation of " Gilpia's tide to York" was witnessed the other day, and caused some consternation amongst persons who were on the roads through which the quadruped a.nd. hia rider passed. Amongst the horaes disposed of at the «ale that day was a mild-looking animal, which was probably capable of carrying a lady— to her grave—although I fear the latter recommendation was not included amongst the list of virtues which are usually recited on such occasions. The owner led his new purchase into Queen-street by the halter, and seeing a well-known jockey named :> standing at the corner, requested him to take it home for him. 7'Othlrjg loth, the jockey consented, but scarcely had he mounted the animal's back when it started off at a teirible pace. Withnnt a saddle, and with only a halter to puide the brute by, the position was a terrible one. Passing through towu, up Pymonds-sitreet, aud down Kyber Pass Road like a streak of preased lightning, the horse held gamelj on his course, with the rider sticking to him like a leech. Houses and trees flew past, with wonderful rapidity, terrified pedestrians hastily scaled fence?, and dropped peacefully on the other side, but >at last .Newmarket was reached, and the equine curiosity trotted quietly into the Itoyal George stable. S was assisted off, and eagerly questioned concerning his ride, but, however astonished they might have been at the escapade, they felt for him whea, in a tone that spoke volumes, he assured them that the brute had a " back bone like a razor." xxx Undoubtedly there is a " bear" in the Auckland Customs Department, and 'to speak in good colonial phrase, he very fre quently is justly likened unto " a bear with a sore head." One day this week a well-known Queen-street butcher paid this notable official a visit. The "knight of tbe marrow bone and cleaver" was decently attired in blue jumper and apron, and he considered himself in fit and proper condition to appear even before the greatest "growl" of the Customhouse. Having an entry to pass, ho walked.into an office wherein the individual with thn grizzly appellation already referred to daily pits and storms, and placed the usual form before that dreadful character, with a re spectful request that he would look over it and see it it were correct. Says the "bear," "Humph! and what do you mean by coming here without your coat on?" Says the butcher, "Just come out side and I'll show you !" But the "bear" didn't see hia way clear to do so in the time of his employers, and in a rather frightened tone stammered out that " he must decline," whereupon the indignant man in blue serge picked up his " entry " and made a triumphal exit. Wow all who rejid, take lesson herefrom. The "bear" still lives. Therefore, when you venture on a visit to the Customhouse, or indeed in that immediate vicinity, beware— take care. Dress yourself in your best " Sunday-go-to-meeting " attire, take care tbat your shoes are polished in the very brightest manner, have your hair parted in the middle, slightly curled and well oilod, and both hands and face scrupulously clean. \ good Idea is to carry a pocket glass and comb so that these latter important particu lars can be attended to immediately before entering the sacred precincts of the

" biar," This done, put on your sweetest smile and ask the "hear" to please be so kind as to prove so cnndcscoudlDg to do something tor you, and then, alns ! even then, you miylit s>et .-napped pretty well out of exis-euce. But ii's better to be care ful, you Jcnnw

AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY.

■> j THE PRESENTATION OK DIPLOMAS. A SPECTATOR'S VERSION. r""ciloml1oml tH<'ial' lOUlh °£ Au«UBt' iv Auckland's 1 tobehold ac *' charms me to ThO<M^'-° P lu" onlieed to confer-as Chancellor's Upon aiiocessful Bachelors tliair cliplomce.'in I went in time, ami took a seat; there wcro not many there - Perhaps the time was not tho best, an hour that few could spare. I diil not ace the teachers of tho public schools Perhaps the Education Board omittod thorn to call. Upon the plutform came in file tho College of our State— X Tnero were iwenty-four, I think, in all, and Uiey looked wondrous groat, 'lhcir varieil hoods were marvellous, and cor- Keoii3 to beho d; There wore crimson, scarlet, pink, blua, white, but none, I think, of gold. The Bishop stood up boldly, and mado a manly speech. In which he saiii advantages woro now within the reach Of all who wished to use them, for (with a little bow) We had four new Professors in our town and Colll-go now. And then he called on Mr Bruoe, when rose that niisrhty man; 110 had a paper in his hand, which ho to read begem; No doubt liia speech was vory good, but much I did not hoar— His voice was low, and his moustache appeared to Interfere. The Bishop next called Mr Bourne, who rose wiih graceful ease — His form is tall, and his attire combined tho eye to please. I like to see a man begowncd, ho doea not look: so prim As iv tho coat and trousers which fashiou iriTes to him. His speech was of the Grammar School o'er which ho gobs proaido ; 110 did. indeed, allow that thoro woro other schools beside; But his. aa being his, waa sure to bear away tha palm- He bpoko of this with, certainty, and with a lordly calm. Then roso to speak Professor Brown, and he did demonstrate Our progress educational to bo at loast as groat As that in happy England, but he then went on to show We ought to know just twice as much in order well to grow. He said thero wore no classes here (I opened wide my eyes. For I thought that Auckland's " Upper Ten " would feel some alight surprise), So education must reach all, for tho meanest man might be A power in the Legislature of this free-born colony, Professor Tucker told 03 that the classics wcro the thing To cultivate us mentally. Thoir praise he weH did sing. I thought that ho wa3 in the right, for Surely every man Is bound to prove hla forte the boat—at least, that's if ho cau. Professor Thomas roso anon, but tho boys made such a noise In clattering down the Btairoaso that I could not hear his voice; But he defended scienco, as he -was in Sixty bound. And against hla " learned brother" right bravely held his ground. Then the Bishop rose and beckoned to his col leagues, who arose And proceeded from tho platform in slow and stately rows. They mingled with tho crowd then, and wo all came homo to tea. And thus did end the meeting of ISS3, , — Spkctatob.

HUMOROUS CLIPPINGS.

Chaelis's father wished to find out his son's bent, so he asked —" Charlie, what are you going to be when you grow up ?" 11 Going to be a man," came quick- as a Hash. " Isn't that a good thing to bo ?" "In the sentence, ' John strike* Wil liam,' " remarked a school teacher, "what is the object of strikes ?" " Higher «vaj;cs and less work" promptly replica the In telligent youth. '•How old are you?" said an anci'nt dame to a grinning little tar-pot. " Wull. if 1 goes by what mudder says, lis mo«t ten|; but if I goes by de fun leo had, l'sc most a hundred." A little fellow of five, eoina alnn« ths street with a diDner pail, ia stopped" by a kind-hearted gentleman, who say.-i ---" vVhere are you going, my little man?1' "To school." "Atid what do you do tit school? Do you learn to read?1' " Ho." "To write?" "Wo." "To count h" "No." " What do you do ?'' " 1 wait for school to letont," " Is Miss Binkins at home ?" a*kcd Mr Saundcra of the Irish, cirl who answered his ring a*, the door. " Yes I b lave she i*, sir " "Is she engaged?" " An' is it engaged you say ? Jftux, and I.'can't tell you. sir ; hut she kissed Mr Vincent last evening as if she had never seen the like of him, an' it's engaged I b'lave they are, sir." When old Mrs Bansby had Rot through reading in the paper an account of the last great fire, she raised her spectacles from her eyes to the top of her head, and re marked : "If the firemen would wear the genuine home-knit stockings, sHch as we make and wear in the country, they wouldn't be a-buretin' of their ho«e at every fire.' _A domestic newly-engageil presented to his master ooe morning a pair of boot", the leg of one of which was much longer than the other. " How comes it, Patrick, that those bouts are not of the same length ?" "I raly don't know, sor; but what bothers me most is, that the pair downstairs are io the same fix." In a Stmday-scliool ia the neighbourhood of Swalwell, a visitor, in examining the scholars', aslced who the Agpstle Peter lodged with when on his mission to Cornelius. " With Simon," was the answer. " And what was Simon's trade 1" ques tioned the visitor. " a tanner, sor," * "Very good," the interlocutor continued • "and what is a tanner?" "Sixpence' sor!" , ' Mose Scbaumtmrg was caught by a rival in business tearing down the rival's poster* announcing bargains of Christmas golds' "What do you mean by destroying my posters, you scoundrel t" aßked the rivnl threateningly. •' Dot's vera yon vos fdblini yourself," replie I Mose, badly seared. " I voa so much bleazed mit dat poster I choost pulled him down to see if dere vos any more leading matter on de udder aide'••