THE LAME DOCTOR.

We fell in with Count Otto Laurowski at Spozzia, on the Eastern Riviera. He was a line tall man with a well-trimmed fair beard, and deeply-set, violet, melancuoly lookiug eyes; just the sort of vjporson to turn the head ot a school-girl My wife, it is true, could no longer claim a place in the category of " bread-and-butter misses," but she was immensely charmed with him. Slid.declared him to be a most gentlemanly an J accomplished man. Personally, I had my doubts about the fellow. He described himself as a Pole, and talked, with a kind of sob in his voice, about the misfortunes of his country. Ho had fought against the tyranny of. the Czar; he had suffered exile and imprisonment; he had aided the Italians to throw oil' the. Aiiß'rian yoke by taking part, in Garibaldi's campaigns ; in fact, according to his own account, there were few things in iht: way of chivalry and heroism with which he had not somehow been connected.

Nut that he boasted of his achievements in a eodreo, bragging fashion ; they caiuo out simply and naturally, one by one, in the course of convors liun My wife, too, was greatly impressed by the notion of ha being a Count, ami the hwt unmanlod . cion of a torriby ancient family. Heaven only knows when the lirat Laurowski saw light, but it was 'On>* before the lirat year of Our Lord, Still, In my mind there was some thing 1( fishy" about him Ho wai iilwuts extremely well and carefully dressed—l never knew his feet to bo ocit of smar.. patent leather boots—.md he sang queer outlandish suiigs in v superior style, being gittcd with an iigre able tenor voioe. He also played billiards with superior skil - fur t, o superior skill, as I knew to my cost. We began by knocking ih« balls about purely for the sake of tliu game, Imi he generally contrived t - put a little "inter.;>t" on it, just a few napoleons, to cause a little excitement, and he generally won, after deluding mo into the insau-: b-lief that I hsd only to got another stroke to cry victory. " The Count is going to San Remo," said my wife to me <ue morning, as we sat at the breakfast table in the LLutol d'ltalio. " San licriio ; that isn't far from Monaco, where that wicked g.iuibling-houso is."

"Oh Tom! 1 should like to go there above all things ! Do take me ! 1 am tired of this place, and the mud baths ilon't ,-ieem to bo doing IUO a bit of good." 1 could i|iiite believe this last statemen', for I did not put much credence in the etlicHcy of bodily ablution in thick, dirty looking water, on the part of a person whose health be ng excellent required no treatment of any sort. But going on to San Itemo, or, indeed, anywhere except ,b»ck to our country home in England, was rather out of my programme. November ■was drawillg nigh, au'i I could not think of tho Holds, being in stubblo without yearn ing tor a ride With the hound". " You know, ray dea', we are due home in a fortnight," 1 answered, in my con ciliating tone. "On, bother! There is no neccssi yto go back this winter, or just vet at all events. " On, Tom, deai : 1 (iv so long to sco what a real gnmb'ing-houso is like. You will take me, won't you?" When a wife, not ordinarily given to com plete Bubndssivenoss, attacks one in an im ploring tone, all resistance is at an end. 1 sighed and yielded, consoling myself with the reflection that after ali I w.is getting old, and rode fourteen stolio, and that a maa who rides fourteen stone is guilty of -cruelty to animal* if he insists upon going hunting. "San Kcmo be if," I said, affecting a yaiety I was iv reality far from feeling. " I'll go and ask Laurowski all about the plauo, the best hotel, and so forth." I oid go and ask Uaurowskt. The Count was delightol at tho idea of not parting from us, and proll'ered his services as guide and mentor with cll'usion.

" My dear Monsieur," he remarked, "you and madamo will like San Kemo very, very micti. It is sheltered, it is warm, it is th« beat place for to spend your winter in, and it h not too expensive. Tlio Count, among hi.s other virtues, spjke a pr-tty broken English, and ns he also eocmed io be acquainted with every other living language under thcßun, he was of ini'neiiHO use to me, who found the simplest Froncli sentence a puzzlmg exercise.

" It is in easy vowinayc to Monaco," he continued, " and quite a neighbour to Muntone and Roecabruna, I stay there and make journois-to the cassiuo. Poland in dead; Garibaldi is asleep at Caprcra ; I must Imvo excitement, so 1 go to the gambling-table." " Whero you'll pick up a few hundred pounds, I'll be bound," I mentally added, taking care, however, not to express my thoughts aloud. It was arranged that we should start tho day after tho morrow, and we carried out ■on'r arrangement without hindrance. San Kemo wu3 reached in due time, and acting on Laurowski's advice we put up at the Grand Hotel.

1 liked the place very well—better than I anticipated. The Count had spoken th» truth, San Kemo was protected by an un broken chain of mountains, and its climate was of the mildest. Flowers were still in full Tiloom, and there was a grateful abua of citron and lemon trees. Since conjugal devotion denied England to me, I toU I could be as happy here as anywhere else. The hotel, too, was comfortable and nicely situated, and had I been permitted to gratify my iueliuatioii toward drinking beer at my dinner, I should have been still more content Etiquette, however, vetoed such a breach of good manners at a fashion able table d'hote, and I was fain to quench my thirst with indifferent wine, at unheard of prices. Nevertheless the omniscient Lanrowaki succeeded in discovering a cer tain Valtellina vintage, which tickled agreeably my palate, and was not too ex pensive, so that to my wifeVintense satis inction I began to grumble a little less. YVe also made acquaintance, and were no longer wholly dependent upon the Count for company. The head-waiter of the Grand Hotel—with the well-authenticated sagacity of head-waiters in general— arranged our seats at the dinner table so as to face those of a couple of Americans, a lady and gentleman', and father and daughter as i. soon found out.

The old gentleman—though for the mat ter of that, he was not particularly old, be ing about my own ago—was a tall, lean man distinguished appearance. His daughter was a pretty girl of the dazzling American type. She changed her dress—or seemed to me to chunge it—every two hours and where sho managed to get all her .va riety of costumes from, or how she con trived to carry such an extensive wardrobe about with her from place to place was a mystery as deep as any'of the Elensinian. Their name was Rogers-John Newby Rogers, "Amurcan" citizen, and Clara Rogers—and they had crossed the Atlantic from their native homo Boston, Mass., tor the purpose of "doing " Europe. Lord! bow they had " done "it too !in a fortnight they had traversed Germany ami seen all that was worth seeing; Paris had been the work •of twenty-four hours, and three weeks had familiarised them with Italy from its .geographical toe to its geographical heel. They were now resting—or I should rather

say panting—at San Homo, where they proposed to winter before invading Eng land in the ainin", and interviewing the Britisher, I was toLi that Mr Kodgers was a man of unlimited means, and his daughter —an only child—therefore an heires?. Laurowski pricked up his cars when ho heard the information, and immediately ad journed to the nearest looking-glass on a mission of personal inspection. I never saw a man make such frantic attempts to ])rove himself agreeable as he did that day at dinner, and the worst of it was too, that ho succeeded. Miss Kogers scorned charmed with him, as indeed what «irl would not with a man boasting of ,such a pair of eyes, such a trim beard, and such courteous ways. "Those Americaines are very fine people — very line people," said the Count to me later in the evening, as wo louuged into the smoking-room; "They aro so bright, so comprehensive, so large-minded." " So lar.'e pursed," I felt inclined to say only I refrained out of politeness. "The girl will be •■<■ good catch in the marriage market." I however remaikcd, not being able to resist the temptation. Th Count looko'l at mo suspiciously out of the curves of his deep lustrous orb", an<l ernie I by indulging in a little musical "°l have observed,'' Us said "that these fair Amerieaines are what your slang young men cill 'up to snuff.1 No, no, depend upon it, ray good, estimable sir, Miss Rogers will be like them all, not ao easily caught." , Vat the young lady's sake I inwardly honed not. * The subject was then dropped, and we talked of other things the evening cutting, nit often did, by Laurowski sug gesting;! little purlie at billiards, and by my being good-naturedly lleeccd. But the Gouti' got soon to be sparing of his society. He deserted me and the smoking-room for the drawing-room and devoted himself altogether to the American heiress. He sang, he played, talked of Poland, Garibaldi, (Jaeta : artfully brought up the subject of his ancestors, and in a fow words made the moat of himself. He rolled his largu melancholy eyes about despondingly, stroked his silky beard thoughtfully, put. himself into plastic and "raceful attitudes, and was generally lover like, though at the same time exceedingly respectful Mid knightly. I could see that he made a favourable imoressi >n upon the girl, that she thought him good-lookin?, and enjoyed his conversation, which, to give him o.rcdi', was certainly elite- taining. ° My wife entered into the spirit of the thing, with the enthusiasm of cheerful moth'-rly ladies of a certain age "The Count seems much struck by Miss Kogers," she said to me one day. '• Yes, I have noticed his little game," I answered, putting on my most knowing and cynical smile

" His little Mine ! What do you mean, Tom J" retorted my wife indignantly. "What do I mean, my dour? Why, nothing, only that Miss Rogers is said to be worth a plum." "Well, supposing she is ! So much the better. I dare aay the Count is well oil" too. Why shonldVt he marry her ? She is a very nice girl, I'm sure.' "She is," 1 replied, having no sort of objection to make to tho statement. "Poor man I" continued my wife in a sentinißiitnl strain," how tired he must be of wandering about alone ! I should like to sec him settled, with a good little girl like Clara Rogers to take care of him," I thoug.it Laurowski fully capable of taking excellent care of himself without any extraneous help. But it is a trick of mine to be constantly making reflections, without giving expression to them. The Count, Jiowovw, was not ping to have it all his own way. Somebody ap peared ou the scene t<» make a " flank attack" nnd this somebody was Doctor Christopher Hansen. The first I heard of tho Doctor was at tlvi dinner table, and from Miss Rogers herself.

" I have had quite an adventure to-day," she said to us all, in her fresh smiling way. "An adventure !" exclaimed J,aurowski. 11 Toil us, I bi>K you, mademoiselle ; I am (I lirious for »uventures."

" I was coming down stairs," she related, " wlien I heard a terrible crash of something' falling. I looked, and saw what it was — what do you think, now ?" We all of us hazarded the most absurd guesses, the worst of thorn coming from yours truly, who thought lit to ask whether the prostr-itc object was a lady's chignon. _N.H.—I made the suggestion regardless of a certain person's most majestic frown." "It was a crutch,"continued Miss Kogers, " a big heavy crutch, and the owner of it, poor fellow, was at the top of the stairs clinging to the balusters in despair. I ran down with all speed, caught it up, and brought it back to him. You should have seen the look of gratitude he gave me ! I think it took Away his power of speech, for ho bowed very low, but said nothing. We were all rather curious to know who the stranger could be. A military-looking personage, wearing tho ribbon of tho Legion of Honor, volunteered the information. "That gentleman," he said, "was Pr Hanseii, one of the bravest and best surgeons of the French army. Ho was at Saarbruck, at Hedan, everywhere, in fact, whero a cool head and an unerring hand could be of service, A few years ago he was as straight and as nimble as any one of us here. He was lamed for life whilst he performed his duty to tho wounded under Prussian shell. He is «n Englishman, and you may well be proud of such a country man."

This intelligence, imparted to us in a grave and almost stern manner, produced a Feeling of respectful interest in the Doctor. We learned, too, that his misfortune had rendered him extremely shy and reserved— especially where women were concerned— and that ho never on any nccount would consent to take his meals at the public table d'hote.

I, howeTer, as a fellow-Englishman, suc ceeded in routing him out and making him a bit more sociable. I found him to be a gentleman even to his finger-nails, exceed ingly well read and as modest as he was accomplished. He let me understand that he aHmired Miss Rogers very much and that her delicate behaviour to him in the matter of the crutch had impressed him with an idea of her goodness of heart. He seemed also somewhat curious about Laurowski and the attentions he appeared to pay the young American heiress. I fancied him as doubtful .about the Count as 1 was myself.

Mr Ropers and the Doctor sot on capi tally. The American made the study of botany his hobby and would scale' the heights of Monto Bigone and its chaiu of hills in search of rare plants. Dr Hansen, whose knowledge of the science was of no mean order, would help to classify them, and I could see that his companionship afforded Mr Kogers an extreme pleasure. With Miss Rogers, thoughalways courteous, ho vas shy and distant to a painful degree. She was ever Civil and pleasant to him, but he seemed somehow dreadfully conscious of his lameness, as though, indeed, his being a cripple made him a social leper, ill iitted for thesociety of pretty girls Nevertheless wo forced him, willy-nilly to make one of ourcircle in the drawingroom

of an evening. There he would sit with his ponderous cjutch by his side, moodily watching the Count, who hung about Miss Kogers and monopolised her in an audacious fashion, while my wife, evidently bent upon making a match between those two, helped him by means of; every possible womanly astuteness. On one occasion the Doctor's friend—he of the Legion of Honor having informed us that Hansen was a skilled musician,-nothing would content us until we had compelled him to sit down and cinq. After a good deal of pressing he con sented, and sang one or two good old-fash ioned English ditties in a fine baritone voice, powerful enough, yet so completely under control, as to subside down at his will to a whisper or a tear It was some thing very different to Laurowski's emascu lated sentimental rubbish, find pleased us hugely. Miss Kogers turned round quite moved, and looked at the little lame Doctor as though he had revealed himself >o her in quite a different light; and the Count bitlih lip through envy and vexation. There was cer;ainly no love lost between Laurowski and Doctor Hanson. The Couut tall and handsome aa he was, was afraid of the little lame man, with the keen gray eyes and sceptical smile. Ha never ven tured to talk about his campaigns with Garibaldi in Hanson's presence. He did so once, made come blunder, was put right by the Doctor in a modest delicate fashion, and, after that, kept his narratives for occa sions .' when Hansen wasn't by. Hansen knew too much; he also had seen a good deal of war, and it wasn't safe to talk before him.

Under the escort of the Count we all made an excursion to Monaco. Laurowski was evidently well known in the gambling saloon The croupier nodded to him, and aslod him slyly if he had come to break the hank, and Hevcral habitues of the place claimed him as an acquaintance. I never saw a man alter so much as the Count did as BOm as lie got near the green baize. His handsome face acquired an. expression of greed which I 'bought down-right fiendish, and which made him look like a Jew broker, haggling with one of his kind. He got feverish and excited, and was cerainly no longer the inelincholy, romantic person of the drawing room. That nigh', too, he was not in a happy vien. My wife and I staked a few napo leons on rouge el noir, just for the fun of the thing, and, having lost, gracefully re tired into the humble capacity of spectators. Miss Kogers also put timidly a gold piece or two on the game of chance and won She doubled, trebled, and ultimately sextuplcd her gains, when she stopped, handling her gold triumphantly, and declaring that every penny of it should go to'he poor of Sau'Kcmo. The interest of the evening was concentrated upon Laurowski and the Doctor, who plunged recklessly iuto the gambling vortex. Hanscn, cO'jl and collected, threw liw money down with the indifference of a man who mesnota straw whether he win or lose. The Count, seemed to have a system of his own, and witched, with ill-disguised anxiety, the results of his play. Fortune, slightly ill his favour at first, completely deserted him, and he went on losing and considerably, becoming paler with suppres sed rago every moment. The Doctor, on the other hand, kept on winning, and piled up napoleons by his side in hillocks. His luck had, howevtr, no visible effect upon him, and he provoked th« admiration of everyone present by the superb contempt with which he received the smiles of the fickle dame.

In the end Laurowoki gave up the strug gle with a ferocious sigh; I suppoie he had no more money to stake. " You are a beanjoueur," he said, with something like a sneer, to the Doctor; "you are not a poor, niisfortunate fellow like myself." " You can't expect everything, you know," retorted Hanson, with a humurons twinkle in his gray eyes. "Lucky in love ; unlucky play—that is the order of things." Then sweeping up his substantial winnings, he presented them, with a bow to Miss Rogers. " For your poor," he said. It was an evening of triumph for the Doctor. It was impossible for the young American heiress, who was really a nice, sensible girl, not to be struck by Hansen's immediate superiority over tbe Count; yet there was no perceptible change in her con duct. She still suffered Laurowski to pay her devoted attentions, and the Doctor con tinued to keep modestly in the back-ground ; but that he was more than merely interested in her I knew, for he as good'as told me so. " Who is this Laurowski ?' he asked me one day, as we sat alone together; "does anyone know anything about him ?"' "I don't," was my answer. "I met him in Spezzia. He has estates in Poland, or Siberia, or somewhere, I believe " "Ah 1" replied Hansen. " Will they mnrry, do you think ?" he remarked after a pause " Women are riddles," I observed sagely ; " and I never attempt to guess riddles." " The fact is," he said, "that I admire Miss Rogers very much; I should like to feel sure that the man she loved was in> every way worthy of her." • He had an opportunity very soon of test ing matters, as far as Laurowsld was con cerned. The Count, who, I fancy, from a certain gloom which had spread over him, had not found Monaco highly profitable of late, proposed one night a little game of cards 1 excused myself on the plea of being no player; but Hansen, to my sur prise—l knew him to be no gambler—con sented, and the French officer, his friend, agreed to make a third. They.played; and the affair ended_ in a scene. It was sim.jly this : Lanrowski, who seemed to have gono to work in good ear nest, and won largely, was detected by the keen-eyed doctor with a card up his sleeve. There could be no mistake, and Hanson quickly flung the remainder of the pack in the Count's face, and called him a. sharper. Laurowski turned livid. We thought he was going to spring upon the little lame man, and held him back. The Doctor's friend then interfered,

"We two are witnesses that Monsieur Hansen is right," he said to me with ad mirable cosiness. "Let there be no noise. This is scarcely a case of satisfaction; du"ls are fought with gentleman, and not with swindlers. Monsieur here will leave the town, that is nil, or wo shall be put to the pain of exposing him." This seemed to me to be a perfectly sensible arrangement. I was not greatly surprised at the Count's conduct; it was consistent with the general doubts I had formed. I acquiesced, theref ire, by a silent nod.

The French offiicr took out his watch. "Monsieur has ample time to make his preparations for departure. In the morning, early, he will go. By our permission, he may keep what he has won. Our condi tions arc that ho leaves quietly, without scandal."

Laurowski, ■with thick beads of cold per spiration trickling front his brow, then left the room in a hang-dog fashion. But it was to be an eventful night. Whilst wo were still talkiog the matter over, there sounded a noise as though the house were falling about our ears, accom panied by shrieks of " Fire ' • Fire t" We rushed out. It was quite true ; one of the wings of the hotel was in flames. We all scampered off in different directions,

I, of course, hastening to my wife's room, where, for all I knew to the contrary, she might be lying asleep, unconscious of danger. There was a tremendous rush, bustle, and delirious confusion. Waiters tearing about, chambermaids screaming; men and women staying in the house scrambled into the cor ridors dressed in all sorts of fantastic costumes, and the whole scene was naturally one of tumult and disorder. I found my little lady in no peril. She had been warned by the noise, was all but ready to leave, and only frightened on my acconnt. We reached the outer grounds ifj safety, and looked round for my friends. Not one of them wai to be seen amongst the crowd. Presently a rumour passed from mouth to mouth that Miss Kogers was in dnnge*. It was said 'he room sh» boci pied formed part of the wing attacked by lire, a scratch band of San Remo volun teers bad by this time arrived, and were energetically grappling with the flames. In spite of my wife's protestations, I forced my way by sheer strength of elbows through the crowd, wMi tne intention of being % of service. My hertrism, however, was not put to the test. Before Iliad even gained tbe centre of the conflagration, I learned that everyone was sale, and sud denly out came the. tall figure of Lau rowski, his face lit up by the light of the fitful gleams, bearing in his arms the in sensible form of Miss Rogers.

Swindler or no swindler, he was a brave, plucky fellow after all, and hart risked his life nobly. Uehind him rushed Mr Rogers, the French officer, and' a host of excited spectators—but Hansen was" not amoug them The American girl was laid down, and immediately attended to. She had fainted, but was otherwise uninjured. " t>ir, I thank you," said Mr Rogers to the Count, grasping his hand with deep feh emotion. "My daughter's life is my own ; you have saved it; command me in everything." We were all around Laurowski, watch ing him with admiratioD, and many cheer ing him. I freely forgave him his past nus'leed. He was the hero of the moment, yet stood silent and mournful. At last, afti-r apparently undergoing a sharp inward struggle, hu spoke: " You mistake yourself, sir," he said in his broken English; "it was not I who saved Miss tfogers; I simply lifted her from the bottom ot the (stairs. Dr H,ans-n brought her down from her room.''

"Dr Hansen !" we all exclaimed.

" Yes ; Jame as he is, he was before me, and saved her with—with great courage. He is the hero, not L v

"Where is |Hansen ?" -somebody called out.

A search w"as immediately made, and the little Doctor was found calmly applying remedies to his badly-burned iiands and scorched face.

"Miss Rogers is saved?" he asked tranquilly. "Quiti-," we answered, "thanks to your bravery." " Ah ! Laurowski has told you ? ' he re marked with some surprise, and I heard him add almost inandiblv, "the fellow has some good in him after aIL"

The fire was put out before it could destroy one-quarter of the building, and most of us suffered nothing worie than a severe fright. Miss Rogers's nerves were a great deal shaken, and by Dr Hansen's advico she was ordered complete rest for a day or two, after which she recovered as though nothing had happened. The Count disappeaieJ, and I have never seen him to this day, though, indeed. I heard of him soon atter, on our journey home to England, from a person who knew him better than any of us, It appears that he was not a Count at all, and not even a Laurowski, nor a Pole, but a Hamburg Jew named Abraham Meyer, well-known in every European gambling place, and'sus pected, on several occasion", of tricking at cards. Such was my wife's " most gentle manly and accomplished man." Was the American heiress ever informed of the true character of her quondam ad mirer ? I never told her, and lam positive Dr Hansen observed the same reticence as myself But my wife, of course, knew, and she was extremely intimate with Miss Rogers. Anyhow, we alwaya studiously avoided the bare mention of his name in our conversations.

■ Since bur return to England we have been visited by Mr Rogers and Mr and Mrs Christopher Hansen. Mrs Hansen was me Rocers, and she confessed to ray wife that from the first she always enter tained a secret preference for' the little lame man. My wife thinks she was right, and has, moreover, vowed never to believe in another Count as long as she lives.

The Recent Massacre of 300 Egyptians in the Soudan.

Cairo, February 23.—Private despatches just received from Khartoum make known for the first time the facts concerning the sucecsful rising in the Soudan of the so called El Mehdi, or the Messiah of Idam. A few months ago, El Mehdi, or Sheik Mohammed Ahmed, turned up near Cower, on the White Nile, and for the second time defeated the Egyptian troops sent against him and killed 120 of them, The Mehdi then proceeded to Geb-el-Zodir, situated about six days' inarch from Fasboda, a strong military post on the White' Nile, midway between Khartoum and Gondo koto. Kahsid Bey, Governor of Faslioda, having secured the aitfance of the Shillook tribes, marched out with 800 regular troops, armed with Kemingtons,to attack the Mehdi in front, while about 2000 Shillooks, com manded by their King in person, started to cut off the Mehdi's retreat.

About ten miles from Geb-el-Zodir the Mehdi, with his Bagara Bedouins, fell un expectedly upon Rahsid Bey and utterly defeated him. Three hundred Egyptians were killed, and Kahsid Bey himself was slain by the Mehdi's own hand. The whole affair lasted only Half an hour. The Mehdi then turned upon the Shillooks, and after a sanguinary conflict routed them and killed Kaikien, the Shillook Kiug, and his entire suite. Fashoda would also have fallen had not Zeigler Pasha, with 900 Egyptian troops, arrived by forced marches from Kordofan just in time to so strengthen its fortifications that the Mehdi prudently declined to attack. '"'■'.''

With tbe'exception of a few fortified sta tions the Mehdi is master of the .whole country, and is hacked by all the Bagara tribes, numbering about 10,000 fighting men. They are armed with double-barrel led percussion guns, but their-chief-weapon is a remarkably long, heavy, and admir-! ably-made lance. There are excellent horsemen. Everything will remain at a standstill in the Soudan until the arrival of reinforcements from Cairo, which have been imperatively demanded, < The present Egyptian army, however, is by no means anxious to serve its country in the field, where, whenever it has done so, it has al ways justified Col. Gordon's conclusions that it is utterly useless for anything ex cept internal commotion.—From the Phila delphia Record. ■ ■*

Eage spent on the vanquished often brings a return shaft, against which skill is powerless.- . ■ ' ■

" Yes, Sir, I'd Shoot Him."

(From the Detroit Free Press.) Six or eight congenial ►pirits sat around a1 stove, in a Grand Kiver grocery the other night, and after several other subjects had been exhausted s"me one introduced that of panics in churches, theatres, and halls, Tins gave Mr Hopewell a chance to re mark : " Gentleman, I just long to be there." "Where?" " Why, in one of those panics. Ye?, sir, I'd give a twenty-dollar bill to be in the 9 theatre one night when there was an occa- :"1 sion for a panic." ■ ' .' ■' "Why?" . ; "Why, because one cool, level-headed man could stop the thing us easily as you. could end up that barrel 01 Hour." "Well, I dunno about that,'1 observed one of the sitters. " There is something awJulin the cry of fire, aod'hear it where and when you may, it startles and frightens. What would you do in a theatre incase ' there was a cry of fire and a rash ?" " I'd stand upon my scat, pull a revolver $ from my pocket, and about out that I'd shoot the first man who atemptcd.io crowd or rush. One cool mdn would check the )f panic in'ten seconds."

While the subject was being continued the grocer went to the rear end 6f the store, poured a Jitte powder on a board, and gave ' three or four men the wink. Directly there was a bright flash, yells of "fire r : and "Powder?" and every mah-spranff up and rushed. Hopewell didn't spring up and talk of shooting. O.i the contrary,'he fell over a J..r. of baskets piled between him ' sin! tho dour, got up to plough his-way over a rack of brooms, and when he reached the sidewalk he was on all fours, white as a ghost, and so frightened ihat he never loooked back until he reached the opposite side of the street.

Some New Geography.

"Of what is the surface ot the ea-th com posed ?" " Of comer lots, mighty poor roads, iail road tracks, base ball grounds, cricket' fields, and skating rinks." ." What portion of the gbbe is water ?" " About three fourth--. Sometimes they add a little gin and nutmeg to it." "What is a town?" "Atown is a considerable oollection of houses and inhabitants, with four or five men who ' ruruthe party ' and lends money : at 15 per cent, interest." " What is ,% city V " A city is an incorporated town, with a Mayer who believes that the whole world shakes when he happens to fall flat on a' cross walk." " What is commerce ?" "Borrowing 85 for a day or two and < dodging tlie lender for a year or two." "Name the different ra^es." , , ••' Hor-erace, b'satrace, bicycle race, ntd'f racing around to find a man to endorse ' •your note." "Into how many classes U mankind divided?" '■.• r "Six; being enlightened, civilized, half '■ civilized, savages, too utter, not worth a cent, and Indian agents." " What nations are called enlightened ?" "Those which have bad the most wars and the worst laws and produced the worst criminals.'' ] . " How many motions has the earth ?" " That's according to how you mix your drinks and which way you go home." " What is the earth's axis ?" "The lines passing between New York and Chicago," ■ " What causes day and night?" " Day is caused by night getting tired oat. Mghfc is caused by everybody taking 7 the street car and going home to supper." • " What is a map ?" " A m*p' is a drawing to show the jury where Smith at >cd when Jones gave him a lift under the eye " . " What is a mariner's compass ?" " A jug holding four gallons."—From the Detroit Free Press.

PrintcdanaPuMißhedbytheP ui.netor.HENinr ■/ Brett, of Symonds-Htreet, at his Genera ! Printing Office, ■Wyndham-street, in the Pro» ' !|: Tinoe of Auckland, New Zealand. 1 ; Satdbdat, APBiii 15, 1882,

STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT, APRIL 15, 1882.

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rpHE NEW REMEDY FOR ASTHMA. A > DIFFICULTY CF BREATHING, &C. ; "EUPHORBIA PILULIFERA,'! ' "! (Queensland Asthma Herb). A MOST VALUABLE REMEDY :; Also. ■ v ED SON'S " SYRUP OF BYPOPHOSPHITES," i ■■■'.'.■ vl'. ■: WITH -*-~.'. ■ /'EUPHORBIA PILULIFERA;'' For Asthma, Chronic Bronchitis. Coughs, Hoarseness, Tightness of the Chest, ''. & * Incipient Consumption, &c. '• . "Tie advantage of this preparation is the Com ' : ■■<: bination of the expectorant qualities of tho, : .; Euphorbia Pilulifera with tho Ireparative pro perties of the Hypophosphites so universally. i esteemed for their power to reconp the waste ■ and loss of tone attendant: upon this class of complaints. . .'• ■ ~ ~ ; "•" !:- ".' ,:ii- The numerous voluntaryjtestimonies received ■> V./ ! from time to time as to the great benefit derived by those who have suffered from affections o£ : >■'•'. the chest and irespiratory; organs for years ,;• induces the proprietor with increased confidence :. to make it virtues more widely known. The syrup is a pharmaceutical preparation,: - agreeable to the taste, and may be taken by tha: •>:•; most fastidious. : , , ' ! ', Inlßottlesat 38; 6d. ED SON'S MEDICAL HALL, . QUEEN-STREET. AtTOKtAND. ; _ __ ________—;—; , ■■■■ .;. / :-:;';: : ■ '•■:. . \ J r\ LANVILLE & pLL¥ETT V V-n ' - I■■ - - ■ ■ ■ '■.'.,•:■: ' ■:■'■■■ TE A D E ALE E S , : '. AND ' ;' ' "''•:;-j'.! family Grocers; ' Hi, QUEEN STREET, ■■■■'■ ■•■■.■ . ■ ■. ■ (Opposite the Union Bank), AUCKLAND. || NEW SEASON'S TEAS, Highly Recommended. ~ .



HOLLISS WEEKLY TIME-TABLE,



Leave Onehunga: Leave Auckland: 8.0 a.m. ' 9.45 a.m. : .;; i 9.45 a.m. 1.0 p.m. :, 11.15 a.m- 2.0 p.m. -",''■ 12.0 noon ' 'i.Op.iD. " 4.0 p.m. 6.0p.8i.- : 5.30-p.m. , , 7.0 p.m. — Monday, 11 p.m. • RETURN FARE: 18. 6d. . SINGLE FARE: Is.