THE STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT.

AUCKLAND, SATURDAY, JUNE IT, 1882.

LIFE IN ENGLAND TWO CENTURIES AGO: A Chapter is English Social History.

[By J. D. DAVIS.]

SECTION 111,

THE TRIUMPn AND DEFEAT OF PURITANISM. The history of religious parties immediately prior to and daring tl'tf Commonwealth i» highly complicated, and 20 more than a notice of the principal transactions is attempted below.- Charles I waff, 00. tne whole, loyal to the Church of EngiWd. One of his last acts, however, previous td the breaking out of the Civil War was con senting to the expulsion of the Bishops from the Houso of Lords, a proceeding to which the Episcopal Bench themselves largely contributed by their own impru' donee. From this date the authority of the Anglican Church in the Legislature declined, though tho body of the people did riot as yet fail in their allegiance to her. Parliament proceeded with a project of re form for the Chnrch, but there was at present no decided opposition to Prelacy. The intention waff to remove what was justly offensive, unnecessary and burden some in government and liturgy, hut the episcopal system was not to be touched. Numerously signed petitions were presented to Parliament praying that innovation and abuse he cheeked, but deprecating the abolition of Episcopacy anu the liturgy. Other influences, not then counted on, ultimately prevailed. The Puritan party were busy, and before long the help of the Scotch; agaiust tlio King was essential. Tho terms on which the Scotch would give their assistance was the acceptance of Presbyterianism. Parliament reluctantly aoeeded to the conditions. In name the country .became Presbyterian. Not one of itho leading Puritans in tbe Long Parlia ment, however, was a Presbyterian. Pym and Hampden indeed never had any sort of objection to Episcopacy* The Presbyterian .discipline was nevercarried into efFect,ex<,_ept tto some extent in London and Lancashire, ithough the beneficed clergy throughout the .country till J-he Restoration, were chiefly,; (though riot entirely, ofi that denomination, l(Hallam). Presbyterianism ia England •dated fromjEliznbethVre.gn,1 in the early part of which a church had been established

at Wandsworth, now a suburb of London, but nt that time "a village, live miles distant." The little community had to keep; its'meetiogs secret/ for the' jdalbus eyes'of cliurehmeu' on the'look-out for sectaries wore active and keen.

The other principal sect of tho time was the Independents, which from a small beginning rapidly increased to the number of twenty thousand. The founder was Bobert Brown, a. preacher in the diocese of'- NorWWh, who -had beon educated at> Cambridge. The central idea ot his Bysicm was the soparateness and independence. of each body of Christians assembling together for worship from every other body, lieceiving the common treat ment of thosei days, viz., persecution, he went over to Holland, and was for a time pastor of a church there ; but quarrels en suing he returned to England in 1559. Iv his later Jrta»J if Neal is to bo credited, ho did not lead tho most pure and upright of lives ; and eventually died in Northampton gaol in 1630, afciM'SO. The Independents rapidly increased in numbers during the Civil War. One great stimulus of the move ment was resentment against the iron mle of clerical orthodoxy, for the Independents, learning a lesson from past treatment, were more" inclined towards toleration than either of the other religious factions. Their strength lay in the army .where their tenets gained a stronghold. Mnrston Moor was unquestionably an Independent victory. Richard Baxter says that of the religious pare of the Parliamentary nrmy one half were orthodox, and the remaining half were sectaries (i.e., Independents). - There were besides'a number of fierce,loud and illiterate inert,* who preached and disputed much, but wero wanting iv settled religious principles. Tho greatest part of the army ho considered wero ignorant men possessed of little or no .religion at all. Whether this judgment be cor'reo^^or jiot, ceitain it(isJtliaf no such rirrtiy 'its' Cromwell's" had existed in Eng land previously, or has existed since. Tlic cavalry charged singing psalms we are told; and instead of spending their leisure in games and pastimos the soldiers assem bled to pray, to recite their personal religious experience, or to hear exhortations and sermons. Doubtless there was much hypocrisy, and many put on. the semb-ance of piety to gain their own onds ; but for courage, ..for discipline, for success in light, England has never .produced a superior body ql raen.l With tho share tho PresSy-; teriaris and"'lndepcndinte''liad in the1 trial and death of the king we have here nothing to do, but will direct our attention to some of-the details of the dominance of Puritan ism. , _'_ •. Ml sV .» v '"-.l'-

Firat, with regard, to the observance of Snnday, or the Sabbath as the day wns then called. ' James I in 1618 had caused to be published-tho famous ,rßook of Sports," enjoining' certain amusements on Sunday afternoons, such as, dancing, archery, leap ing; vaulting, May-games, Morris-dnuces, and £.0 ; on. ' Tlio Puritans were naturally horror-struck at an ordinance so decidedly opposed to Scripture teaching. Baxter has left it reco ded iv his Autobio graphy that in his youth (about 1625) the diucin<j green was not a hundred yards from his lather's door, and that it was im possible to read a psalm, or catechise, or pray, for the noise of the pipe and tabor, and the shouting of the pleasure seekers. The reader of public prayers had to stop some times'till the dancers and merrymakers had giyen over their pastime. ',' Sometimes the morris-dancers would come into tho church in all their linen and scarfs, and antic dresses, with, morris-bells jingling nt their legs; and as soon'Bß common prayer was read,' did haste out presently to their play again." Jlt is quite evident that King James's wish for his sftlyccts' cujojnicnt was amply fulfilled. It would appear.that unlawful games were indulged ill on Suu days, and to put a stop to these and further to regulate the keeping of the day, in the first, year of Charles I (1625)i au Act was pas. Ed \vith these 'ends in view. It wus therein enacted that the practice of bear baiting, bullbaiting, interludes, common plays, and certain other exercises and pas times should be punishable by fine of three shillings. and four pence; in default, con finement in the stocks for the space of three hours. Two years later another Sunday Observance, Act became law. Carriers, waggoners, carters, wainmen, butchers and cattle-drovers were forbidden to pro.-ecutc their various callings on the Lord's Day under penalty of twenty shillings.Butchers also were not allowed to kill or sell under penalty of '^X shillings add eight pence. As if tobring1 these laws into ridicule and contempt the obnoxious "Book of Sports " was moat injudiciously republished in 1628, tho very year in which the last mentioned Act became law. The Puritans made short work of Sunday sports and amusements when they gained the ascendancy. Early in the Civil War regulations for the closer keeping of the day wore put into operation in London, which city, throughout the struggle, gave consistent support to the Parliament. No person on the Sabbath was allowed to tipple in taverns, inns, tobacco-shops, or alehouses; and fruiterers and herb-women were forbidden to hayfk or cry their wares. No vessels were to be unladen ; and the use of unlawful exercises nnd pastimes was to cease. On May sth, 1643, the common bailsman "burnt the "Book of Sports "in Cheapside.' So efficient and thorough was thePuritandrUlin Sabbatariun 'discipline ' that' the' nation two hundred years later has hot' forgotten it, ;biit cod timtoa trite to the habits first leajnt then, and'shoWs; but few signs "of exchapging them''for others, Aftei the. Restoration the reaction was, not inconsiderable, but the'bplniohs of .the grave^ arid.'more' sober portion of, the ,c6riimunity. eventually pre .railed."' Art Act was,passed in'SKhCoarie* It to bring cfeitairi descriptiona of Sabbath breakers to order. Obly works of rieccesity and'9l.ar.ty, were to be performed. For eVery ' offeree all', persons ' oyer' "fourteen years of age were to.be fined five shillings.! Drovers; horsecoufsers;waggbhers,butchers, higglers, arid' others found travelling ion Sundaysi'were to be mulcted of tlie sum of twenty'shillings. The alternative was two hours' exposure'in ,the stocks. Goods cried in the streets might be seized. An excep tion1 was made in favour of milk, which could be cried before' nine, o'clock in the morning, hridafterfotiriri'the afternoon. . Widie Puritanism was in, the ascendancy tbe ChufaU flf England was in eclipse. Herclergy were unrelentiegly persecuted. In 1654 a body .of thirty commissioners was appointed to examine into the abilities and qualifications of clergymen. , They; were callpd "Triers,',. anyone of the most active was a fanatic named Hngh Peters, who had begun liie'.^ss stoge.pHyer, and,had been guilty of. many, immowUties. . The Triers judged doctrines by; the wholesale, and undertook-to determine-^a man's spiritual state. Humour said they had a, prejudice in favour^fcf long faced 'ministers who spoke with a decided nasal twang. Jolly-faced nartions- they could1 not 7'■ endure.'; A rornd-visaged sanguine coniplexiOned man; theV'tKdl'ght, could scarcely get to heaven; They ttsk"ed: each one examined in what year, wliht month, what' day; what -hour bf the daY, He hid been converted; and'if his replies Were deemed' unsatisfactory, he was titrned out'of his living. A clergyman favourable to the royal cau.e had no chance at all. In the next year another heavy blow foil upon the ejected minHWrs. They were'hot »ftowed to serVe as Chaplains'or tutors in .gentle-nod's houses,1 or to keep schodls. The probibitfoii further extended to tlie conduct efprivate seryjc/38, baptisms, marriage_i, and the administrate flf Me Sacrament. Evelyn at this time, as sjfch exercises had ceased in the parish church, catechised and.instructed bis family at homo. Meetings were held in private houses, contrary to the Protector's order, and Evelyn thus describes his attendance atone. " 25th December. W_, I went to London to receive the B. Communion this holy fe«tivai at Dr Wild's lodgings, where I rejoiced to find, so full an assembly of de vout and' sober Christian"." Christmas, had cca«ed for some1 years to be, celebrated, those'in authority considering that the old way of celebrating the Nativity of Christ was scandalously irreligious and heathen ish.' The pulpits.werc.fiilcd with tradesmen cooks, tailors, brewer's clerks, felt-makers, cobblers,' and .toy who believed he had a caU to preach and instruct in religion. Evelyn going to church in December, 1653 saw it mechanic get into the pulpit, and : resolved to sit the sermon out. " His text was 2 Samuel, chapter' 23, verse 20 . 'And Benaiahwent downe nbo and.sleWa lion ■in the midst of a1 pit to the time of snow; the purport was, that no danger was to be

thought difficult when God call'd fcr shed ding of blood, inferring that now was the Saints were call'd to destroy temporal gov ernments; with such feculent stuff; so dangerous a crisis were things grownc to." Many wero the di.courses akin to tuis. fchopkeepor preachers not unnaturally in troduced their trade slang into their harangues. " Good people," cried one, "what do you lack, what do you buy? Will you buy any balm ot Gilead, and cyc salve, and myrrh, aloes, or cassia ? Shall I lit yon with a robe of righteousness, or with a white garment ? See here what is it you want? Hero is a very choice armoury. Shall I show you aii h elmot of salvation, etc." Another objectionable characteristic of Puritan sermons was their intolerable length, a diviuc well on in his second hour, his congregation being quito tired out, was brought loan end by tho sexton, who, fromi his place ventured the hint,; "Pray,'sir, be pleased when, you have done to leave the key undeHtbodoor." 'The writer of * tract, IC4B, 'declares, "'that they could pray, or prate, by the Spirit out of a tub two hours'at' least against the King and State." The impiety of some of the prayers of Puritan fanatics is appalling. We are diffident about giving illustrations ; but the following' are less irreverent than many that might bo given. Mr Vines at St. Clement a Church, Temple Bar, used the following words : " 0 Lord, thou hast never given us a victory this long while, for all our frequent fasting. Whut dost thou mean, O Lord, to iling into a ditch and thero to leave us ?" A Southampton preacher in August 1642, expressed himself thus, "O God, O God, many are tho hands that are lift up agaiust us.'but there is'one', God, it is thou thyself, U Father, who doe.. us more mischief than they nil," The words of the preacher who informed the Deity on the death of Cromwell, that He had deceived the pcoplo,arc too well-known to be reproduced here. (Many of the above particulars are extracted from Dr Grey's edition of " Hudibrns," and Bell's edition of Butler's poems.) < Fanaticism ran riot.' New sects wero continually springing into cxistonce. There were Vanists, Fifth Monarchists, Seekers, Hunters, Familists, aud Behmcnists. George Fox founded Quakerism, aud his followers filled tho prisons of the Common wealth. He himself suffered much from the officers of the law. , His strango freaks have hecdnio historical. -His suit of leather mid his custom of Interrupting in "stecple housos " everyone has heard about. But, he was a mild and well behaved enthusiast compared with some of his contemporaries. In Ins huge. Journal ho gives account of ono William Simpson, uniong others, who during three years went several times naked and barefoot in market-, courts, towns, cities, to priests' houses, aud to great men's houses, to warn them of woes to come. Sometimes he was moved to put on hair-sackcloth, and to besmear his face as n sign that tho Lord would besmear their religion. This poor felUw under went great suffering, Fox relates, from horsewhips and coachwhips, from stonings, and imprisonments. A better known fan atic was James Nnylor, who had been a quartermaster in Lambert's troop. lie grew to believe that Christ was manifested ia him, and permitted worship to bo offered, not to himself, but to Christ dwelling in him. In October, 1656, together with n company of women, he entered |Bristpl on horseback, grotesquely travesying Christ's triumphal entry into Jerusalem. The de luded temalos > cried'"Hosnuna/'ard laid down scarves in tho road for the horse to tread on, Poor Nuyler'a punishment wan of tho severest. He was exposed in the pillory two hours.; whipped from Palace Yard to the Old Exchange, receiving 310 lashes by tbe way ; ami.thou finally branded B for bla-phciuer on the forehead, and bored through the tongue with a red-hot iron. Burton, the diarist, went to sco Nivylor punished, and ho roports that he " behaved himself very handsomely and patiently." Cromwell while denying any sympathy with the deluded wretch, held his punish ment to bo brutal and excessive. Nnylcr's health was undermined by the sufferings he underwent, and he died iv 1660.

Among the illiterate Puritans there was cherished not unnaturally a love of ignor ance, and a detestation of learning. Some held that learning bad always been an enemy to the Gospel. Inspiraiion was ihe only source of truth, and hence "human scholarship " was not, merely, unnccessaty, but vain arid impous. It would be well if there were no Universities, and if all bopks except the Bible wero burned. These wero not the opinions' of those who know the value of education. Puritanism could boast in its ranks as gTeat scholars as any thou living. The names of Milton, Cowley, Thoirias Fullef, tfichnrd Baxter, Cud worth, Ovvcu, Tillotsori and Pococko are in point. ' Puritanism was not all, or even a con siderable part, fanaticism and extrava gance. There was in it a solid basis of yood sense, right living, belief in God and the reality of His rule, of patiotism, and a, passionate love of liberty. Puritanism, says Mr Green, made the mass of Englishmen ''serious, earnest, sober in life and conduct, firm in their love of Protestnnisrn nnd freedom." Asa nation the English can never'be grateful enough for the liberties which the Puritans secured and the rights they so successfully guarded. ; Tbe K-storation raised ouco more the Anglicin church from its low estate. The Presbyterians tried to make terms with the king,'but though concessions were at first granted to them, their attempt was unsuccess ful. In Charles's first Parliament the Pres byterians i were a mere handful, not more than fitty in number; and it was soon evi dent, that all hope of toleration, and moderation was gone. The Act of Uniform ity speedily becamo law, enforcing the use of.the^ Prayer Book in all public services, and, recognising only those orders which were epi.eopally conferred. By this enact ment nearly 2,000 Puritan rectors and vicars were driven out of the church. The Episcopal party scored a triumph; but their intolerance banded together in ono common cause the different elements, till then separate and opposing, which have since been known a3 tho Dissenting or Non conformist . party. The tyrannical Five Mile Act completed the rout of the Puri tans. It enacted that every clergyman ejected by the Uniformity Act should be called on to swear that be held it unlawful under any pretext to take up arms against the king, and that ho would at no t:mo " endeavour any alteration of government in Church and State." In case of refusal he was forbidden to go within five miles of any borough,or of any place where he had been a minister. , The main body of Nonconfor mists, made Up chiefly of the .trading classes, were thus deprived of religious teaching. Cromwell had scourged tho Anglican Church with whips; the Church now sc mrged the Disscntors with scorpions. The sufferings of the ejected clergy and their families wero severe. Many hundreds had neither house nor food. Crowds wore sent to prison, whore their congregations did' their best to maintain them. Some went t6 the plough to earn a livelihood. One had to cnt tobacco. Two Conventicle Acts becamb law, and meeting privately in houses for worship other thinm accordance with the forms or the Church of England, was made penal. They were fierce, vindic tive measures, which disgraced our statute booK for well-nigh a hundred und fifty years—till the 52nd year of George 111. Pepjfs writes under date August 7th, 1654, "I saw severalpoor di-ehtures carried by, by constables, for being"at a conventicle. They go like lambs, without any resistance. I wflflfd lip God thoy would either confirm, Or be pjpi'e >yif.e q.nd not bo catched." Tho penalty, foj,' tb'p jflpst offence was three months' imprisonment, for tfrp sppond six months', and for the third seven years' transportation to the American plantations, on conviction before a single Justice of- the peace. (fo lie continued.) m>"L!ii-_ ■ =

An Irishman one day came running into a farmyard and hurriedly cried for a spade, The farmer, coming out, demanded what he wanted with it, when Pat replied that his friend had stuck in a bog, and he wanted to dig him out. "How far in is he?" inquired the farmer. "Up to the ancles," said Pat. "Is that all ?" said the farmer. " Then he can pull himself out again. You'll get no spade here." Pat, scratching his head, while his face bore evi dent signs of grief, blurted out, " Och, but, be jabers, he's in head first."

"No, I shall leave my wife nothing," said old Gribbs, "she "always had her will, and now I'll have mine."

WIT AND HUMOUR.

She told- him she could read his, mind like an open book, and then softly added, " Blank book."

The cat is the great American prima donna. If bootjacks were bouquets, her nine lives would be strewn with roses.

Class in definition.—" What isa monopoly?" "That rival establishment over the way." "When is a monopoly not a monopoly?" " When it is in your own hands." In giving geography lessons down east, a teacher asked a boy what State he live.l in, find was amused at the reply drawled through the boy's nose, "A state of sin and misery." " There's music in 4 the heir," sorrowfully ex claimed the young husband, as he reached for the paregoric bottle. , A new style of boy's trousers has been in vented, with a copper seat, sheet iron knees, rivetteil down the seams, and waterproof pockets to hold broken eggs. The joking against Chicago women's feet has been let loose with burlesque extravagance. There must be something to warrant it. Here isa specimen :—An elephant stepped on a Chicago young lady's outside toe last Satur day. The lady said she didn't mind it so long as the elephant only kept two of his feet on the toe, but when he put all four of them on at once, she requested to be per mitted to remark that he was a great, ugly, nasty brute. " Stole any chickens dis week, Brudder Jones ?" said a searching coloured class-leader to a member of suspected thieving proclivities' "No, sail, thank goodness I". , " You'se don. well," said the leader, and passed on ; while " Brudder Jones" turned to " Brudder Browne and whispered, "' Lucky he said ' chickens"} if he'd said 'ducks,' lied a had rae, shuah I" In a railroad car the seats were all taken; except one, which was occupied by a pleasant looking: Irishniiin, and at one Of the sttatipris a couple of evidently well-bred dncl interti|*fent young ladies came in to procure scats. Seeing none vacant, they were about to go into the next car, when Patrick arose hastily antl offered them his seat with evident pleasure. "But you will have no scat ior yourself," said one of the young ladies, smiling, hesitat ing with true politeness to accept it. " Nivcr mind that," said the gallant Hibernian. " I'd ride upon a cow-catcher to New York any time for a smile from such jintlcmanly ladies. ' A contemporary asks—" How shall WoiUen carry their purses to frustrate the' thieves f' Why, •carry,theiii_enipty. Nothing.friistrates a thief more thau to snatch a woman's purse, after following her half a mile, and then find that it contains nothing but a receipt for spiced peaches and a faded photograph of her grandmother.

There is a story told of a very consequen tial head waiter who, observing a man tic his napkin around his neck preparatory to com mencing his meal, went up to him, and said, " You have made a mistake, sir ; this isn't a barber's shop.'' It was a very good rebuke, but it cost the head waiter his situation.

I'icquolseau and his doctor—" And you say you still suffer from indigestion?" "Con stantly." " Then, you have not followed my direction?" "Oh, yes, doctor; just as you directed. I only smoke after meals." " That is to say?" "That is to say, from noon till seven in the evening, and from eight in the evening till midnight."

" How are you, John ?" remarked a friend, As he met John on the street; ; " Come in, my boy, and take a drink, Por it's rarely that wc meet." . , " A fact," said John ; " I'll go with you] For, as I happened to think, Wc rarely meet, but when we do ■ It is always meet and drink."

A census of the elephants in the United States shows the number to be just seventy seven, llarnum, with his usual enterprise, will hnvc ninety of these animals before the summer closes, and Forepauch will own; the remaining sixty. This will leave less" than one hundred to be divided among the score of other " greatest shows" now on the road.

What religion is most prevalent in spring J —Buddhism.

A two-week-old babe of Columbus Bridges of Randolph county was blown out of the house and between two logs without being hurt, or even waked up, during the recent cyclone.—" Louisville Courier-Journal." " Green, let me introduce you to my friend Brown." Green—" How are you Brown,?" Brown—"lt's my colour, and I can't help it I How arc you, Green■?" Green didn't like the joke, evidently, for he changed colour. Said Brown: " The day I was married I quit chewing tobacco, and I tell you it was pretty hard on me that day, but the next day I was all right again." "Ah, how's that? "Well, the next day I commonced chewing again." If a two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle, and a three-wheeled a tricycle, it does not follow that the one-wheeled is an icicle. It is a wheelbarrow.

A man with a small salary and a large family says if pride goes before a fall, he would like to see pride start on a little ahead of the price of coal and provisions. Too much polish unfits a person for the rough duties of common life. A working woman of Philadelphia recently killed herself by drinking furniture polish. ,X Probably the finest exhibition of human courage that is ever witnessed can be seen by interviewing the passengers of a western rail rodd train half an hour after the robbers arc gone. "I'd have you to know that my uncle was a bannister of the law I" "A fig for your bannister,!' retorted Mrs Partington, turning up her nose, "haven't I a cousin as is a corridor in the navy ?" An American street-car horse shot out with his heels the other day, and hit the driver with one and the cash-box with the other, and an investigation showed that he had kicked six dollars into the driver's overcoat pocket. Such wonderful sagacity on the part of the horse caused the discharge of the driver. Here is the Kabyle idea of a " tale." "An old man had seven sons. His wife died nnd he remained a widower. Once his sons were seated and talking. The youngest of them said to his brothers, ' Come, 0 my brothers I let us sell some goats, and with the price of them marry our father again.' They dropped the subject of conversation and passed to another. The old man said to them, ' Let lis return to the conversation about the goats.' "'

Tho family were talking in the presence of Miss Helen, aged 7, of the adventures and plans of a famous discoverer, just starting in search of unknown countries. " That's too bad I" says the young lady, interrupting the conversation of her elders. " Why, mademoi selle," rejoins her father, "do you have so decided an opinion, at your age, on such a subject as this ?" ',* Of course I do," says the child; "if this gentleman goes and finds a new country, that'll make one more to learn in the geography, and there's enough now 1" Miss Kate Field, whoa few weeks ago dashed into print in defence of the knee breeches of our fathers, says she has received numerous letters of thanks, many of them coming from the West. If any man assumes from this that the West is growing aesthetic) it is a sure sign that his own American tours have not extended west of the Alleghanies. To the average Western man knee breeches would be a positive blessing, for at present he has no present use for the lower ends of his trousers legs'except to crowd them into the tops of his boots, where they accumulate dust in dry weather and moisture during showers. If some one will go West with an assortment of knee breeches' and teach the natives to wear them, he may make money; but any sun flowers,, lilies, or long-heired poems that he may take along, will prove the deadest of dead stock. ,

A Belvidere resident hired a coloured man to pick around and clean up his back yard the other day. After he had seen it done to his satisfaction, he spoke more out of kindness than anything else, as he paid the small amount agreed upon, and said, patronisingly, " Well, George, you've done this very well; when you want another job come around and see me, and perhaps I can give you something else to do." The African straightened himself up with evident pride as he answered, " Well, boss, I don't know's yer kin be likely ter get me agin on sich jobs as dis yer, I don' At much ob dis yer kin' o' work. Whitewashin' am ray perfesnun," The editor of New York paper suggests that persons sending in big eggs will please accompany them by several ordinary-sized ones, not for publication, but as a guarantee of good faith. TRA-LA-LA-LA 1 "Where are you going my pretty maid?" "To sing in the opera, sir," she said. " What is your talent, my pretty maid?" " A divorce and two runaways, sir," she said. P.S.—She was a success first night.—"Bur ington Hawkeye,"

TRUTH AND FICTION: IN UNEQUAL PROPORTIONS.

AN EFFECTIVE SIGN.

Dick kept the fashionable saloon in the town of Fiddleburg. It was tip-top. Every glass was polished to perfection. The liquors just sparkled in the decanters. The counter was all over carving and gilding, and the bar-keeper was the daintiest young men in Fiddleburg.

Fiddleburg had a new painter. He was an artist. A picture by Nicholas was a real gem. Most of the stores had one in some shape or another. The livery stable man had a horse painted that people came miles to see. The butcher had a cow that you could almost hear calling her calf, so life-like did she appear. The restaurant man had a pie, and some cakes and dough-nuts so exquisitely done that when he put them in his window the hoys just felt like grabbing at them. And the milliner had a wooden dummy in the window, with a face and neck so tinted and fixed that the men all stopped to gaze at the lovely thing. Well, to make a long story short, Dick John son thought he would have a sign for his saloon. With Dick, to think was to act. Cost was nothing to him so that his fancy was tickled. " I want a sign," said Dick. " I want a sign like these other folks. Some thing to show what I do ; something to sug gest the business, you know. Just any good thing that you can think of. You are a painter, and can tell butter than T can what is right."

" I'll do it,'said the knight of the brush, and Dick was .off without another word.

The painter went to -work, he got a long board about four feet wide, and filled it with human figures, almost life size, and so near lifejii appearance that you could almost see them stir. Beginning at one end was a good looking young man coming to take a drink. The next figure was the same, just a little drunk. Then he was down in the gutter; then in gaol; then in a fight; and lastly, a poor, wretched, broken-down creature wtts dangling at the gallows. Alongside of him, in different stages of his life, were the mother and sisters, weeping at his fate. His poor wife begging her bread with the children at her side. Then his boy was seen in the Industrial School, and his girl in the Magdalen. Oh, it was beauti fully done. And underneath was written in Cue large characters, "We make these things here."

When Dick was told it was done he ordered it up at once, and settled the bill before he filled his pipe, went on with his game of cards, and thought no more of the picture. It was covered with paper till dark, Intending to sur prise the natives of Fiddleburg at daylight And it did. As Dick's customers came by for their morning bitters, they saw that pic ture and stepped back. Not a man crossed his threshliold that day. Dick had played late, and slept till noon. When he came down-stairs the saloon was empty. Not a soul had been in. Bar-keeper said the whole town had seen lhat picture, but not one had called for a drink. Dick went out to look too. lie saw the point, and cursed that painter. NEWSPAPER REPORTING. Mftfk Twain says t—l reported on a morn ing newspaper three years, and it «ras pretty hard work. Hut I enjoyed its attractions. A nice, gentlemanly reporter is well treated by everybody. Just think of the wide range of his acquain tanceship, his experience of life and society. The last thing at night—midnight—he goes broWsing around after items among the police and gaol-birds in the lock-up, questioning the prisoners and making pleasant and lasting friendships among some of the worst people in the world. And the very next evening he get himself up regardless of expense, puts on all the good clothes his friends have got, goes and takes dinner with the governor or commander-in chief of the district, the United States senator, and some of the upper crust of society. Why, I breakfasted almost every morning with the governor, dined with tho principal clergyman, and slept in the station-house. A reporter has to lie a little, of course, or they would discharge him. This is why I left it. lam different from Washington. I have a grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. A FALSE TEETH STORY. A Newark husband brought home a hunk of molasses candy for his wife the other even ing. His wile wears false teeth. The candy was of an adhesive nature. She helped her self to a generous hunk, and planted both rows of teeth in it. There they remained. Strenuous were her efforts to release them, but she was not successful. She wanted her mouth free that she might say something to him. She wanted to say something to him that the candy not only prevented, but the lone of which, from its prominent quality, it destroyed. Hut she could not get her jaws apart. Then she went lo the sink, and dropped the whole mass, teeth and candy, in a basin. Again she looked at him, as if she were on the point of saying something he would be interested in; but every effort was broken up and destroyed by the orphaned jaws. Imagine a woman-^-a direct descendant of Eve—in such a fix. Think of the mighty thoughts surging and battling through her brain ; think of the torrent of eloquence burst ing from herthroat with a roar, and striking out into the air a vapour ; think of the blazing eyes, the distended nostrils, the trembling frame, the nervous hands I Picture her thus, tearing the miserable candy from her glisten ing teeth, nnd comprehend, if you can. Oh, man, the velocity with which the freed teeth were slapped into their place, and with which that wretched man subdued his merriment arid tore out of the house 1 ADVICE TO A CHOIR SINGER. The first thing to make a good singer is to giggle a little. Put up your hair in curl papers every Fri day night, so as to have it in good shape on Sunday morning. If your daddy is rich you can buy some false hair ; if he is very rich buy some more, and build it high upon your head; then get a high-priced bonnet that runs up very high, at the high part of it, and get the milliner to plant some high-grown artificials on the highest part of it. This will help you to sing high, as soprano is the highest part. | When the tune is given out, don't pay any attention to it, and then giggle. Whisper to the girl next you that Emma Jones, who sits on the second seat from the front.on tho left-hand side, has her bonnet with the same colour exact she had last year, and then put up your book to your face and giggle. Object to every tune unless there is a solo in it for the soprano. Cough and ahem a good deal before you begin to sing. When you sing a solo, shake the artificials off your bonnet, and when you come to ta high tone brace yourself back a little, twis your head to one side and open your mouth the widest on that side, shut your eye on the same side just a trifle, and then put it for dear life.

When the preacher gets under headway with his-preaching, write a note on the blank leaf of your hymn-book. • That's what the leaf was made for.

Get somebody to pass the note to somebody else, and you watch them while they read it, and then giggle. If anybody talks or laughs in the congrega tion and the preacher takes notice of it, that's a good chance for you to giggle, and you ought to giggle a great deal. The preacher daren't say anything to you, because you are in the choir. If you had a beau before you went into the choir give him the "sack"—you ought to have somebody better now. Don't forget to giggle. A HERD OF IRISH HULLS. Letter from an Irish Baronet to a Friend in London during the Rebellion, My dear Sir, —Having now a little peace and quietness, I sit down to inform you of the dreadful bustle and confusion we are in from these bloodthirsty rebels, most of whom are, however, thank God, killed and dispersed. We are in a pretty mess: can get nothing to eat, nor any wine to drink, except whisky, and when we sit down to dinner are obliged to keep both hands armed; whilst I write this letter I hold a sword in one hand, and a pistol in the other. I concluded from the beginning that this would be the end of it; and I saw I was right, for it is not ludfover yet. At present there are such goings on that everything is at a stand. I should have answered your letter a fort night ago, but I received it this morning. Indeed hardly a mail arrives safe without being robbed. No longer ago than yesterday, the cqach with the mails from Dublin was robbed

near this town : the bags had been judiciously kfl behind, for the fear of accidents ; and by good luck there was nobody in the coach but two outside passengers, who had nothing for the thieves to take.

Last Thursday an alarm was given that a gang of rebels were advancing hither under the French standard; but they had no colours, nor any drums, except bagpipes. Immediately every man in the place, including women and boys, ran out to meet them. We soon found our force much too lillle, and they were fur too near for us to think of retreating.' death was in every face ; but to it we went, and by the time half our little parly was killed, we began to be all alive. Fortunately the rebels had no gum but pistols, cutlasses, _\vXpikes; and as we had plenty of muskets and ammu nition, we put them all to the sword ; not a soul escaped, except some that were drowned in an adjoining bog ; and in a very short lime nothing was heard but silence. Their uniforms were all oi different colours, but mostly green. After the action we went to rummage their camp ; all we found was a few pikes without heads, a parcel of empty bottles full of witer, and a bundle of blank Freuch com missions ./Wto.1 up with Irishmen's names. Troops are now stationed everywhere round the country, which exactly squares my ideas. Nothing, however, can save us but a union with England, which would turn our barren hills into fertile valleys. I have only leisure to add, that I am in great haste, yours truly, _. R.

I'.S.— If you do not receive this in course, it must have miscarried; therefore I beg you will immediately write to let me know.

FOR THE LADIES.

Why do old maids wear mitten's-?-j-To, keep off the chaps. '~-, ,0 ! A man out West, who offered bail.fdr.a friend, was asked hy the judge if he had any incumbrance on his farm, "Oh yes," said he, " my wife."

An lowa doctor thinks tight-lacing is a public benefit, bccau.se it kills off the foolish' girls and loaves the wise ones to grow into women.

"To ono thing constant never." An Indianapolis couple wore married in 1872, divorced in 1877, re-married in 1879, and now sue to be redivorccd.

"What kind of a picture would you prefer, miss ?" inquired a photographer of a young lndy customer. " Wolf," was i\ic reply, '.' take me with an expression as. if I; were writing a poem." Mr Smith is hound to have his joke. His wife was walking nearly in front of a railroad train the other day, and he said if she had gone n step further his children would have had a stepmother. " Have you aoy limohoru bonnets?" in •quircd a very modest miss of a New York shopkeeper. "You don't mean leghorn?" Tho young lady was brought to by the proper restoratives. A Frenchman is about to open a '• Hy menial Academy," iv Covington, Ky., in which young ladies will be taught the murria).c service, with all the proper sobs, sighs, and hysterics, iv three easy lessons. It is rumoured that Edison is inventing a talking machine, and excited women all over the States are shaking their fingers at him and telling him they will brook no rival. He is treading on dangerous ground. An old bachelor, upon reading that " two lovers will sit up halt the night with only ouc chair in the room," said it couldn't, be done unless one of them stood or sat upon tho lloor. Such painful ignoranco pretty plainly indicates that he has never been there.

A young married lady being applied to for a situation by a servant girl, she asked, "Why did you leave your list place?" "Why, you see, ma'am," replied the girl, "I was too good-looking, and when I opened the door the gentlemen always took me for the missis.

Our Domestics.—The correspondent of a oontainpornry vouches for the truth of the following :—A few day's ago a servant, making on application for a situation, and negotiating terms with tho .mistress of the house, said, " I must have three evenings a week, for I havo got a season ticket.for the skating rink I" What the lady soid is not recorded, but it was probably to the effect that while the young person was about it she had better take the remainder of the week as well. >' ' .

" W , do you know why you are like a donkey?" "Like a donkey I" echoed W , opening his eyes wide. " No, I don't." "Do you givft'it up ?" " I do." " Because your better Half ia stubbornness herself." " That's not bad. Ha Iha I I'll give fhat to my wife when I get home." "Mrs W ," he asked, as he sat down to supper, " do you know why I am like a donkey ?" He waited a moment, expect ing his wife to give it up. But she didn't She looked at him somewhat commisscrat ingly as she answered, "J suppose because you were born so." We frequently encounter curious things in advertisements, but it is a long time since wc cmno across anything so mean a. the following :—"No salary.—A comfort able home is offered in a tradesman's family in the country to a young lady, not under twenty, to take the charge of two little boys. To give part instruction, and music, and to instruct in light duties. Nothing menial.—Apply, A. 8., &c." .Full-grown women who arc capable of combining the work of governesses and shop-assistants will eagerly compete for such an elegible situation ; why docs not "A. B."_ask for a premium for the privilago ot living in that comfortable home?

How to Spoil a Hush and.—Vow vengeace on all his rclatiods. Pay no' attention to household expenses. Give lis much as he can earn in a month for a new bonnet. Tell him as plainly as you can you married him for a living. Raise a row if he dares to bow politely to a lady friend, Tell him the children inherit all their mean traits of character from his side of the family, keep the parlour for company, and not let him put his foot in it. Provide any sort of a piclced-'up meal when you don't expect strangers. Get everything the next-door woman gets, whether you can afford it or not. liot it out some time when you arc quite mad that you wish you had married somo other fellow that you used to go with. When he gives you a sovereign to of-Paris vases. Give him to understand, lay aside for a " sore foot,"give it to the first pedlar that comes along for a pair of plaster as soon as possible after the honey-moon, that kissing is well enough for spoony lovers, bur that for tho married folk it is confoundedly silly.

Better Thoughts for Quiet Moments.

Chastity is like a broken vase; it can bs mended but never made whole.

Habits are soon assumed, but when we strive to striJD them off 'tis being flayed alive.

He who respects his work so highly and does it so reverently that he cares little what the world thinks of it, is the man about whom the world comes at last to think a great deal. The greatest wisdom is to know our ignorance. Great truths aro often said in the fewest words.

He who reigns within himself and rules passions, desires, and fears, is more than a king. feelf-love is at once the most sensitive ot the most tenacious of our sentiments—a mere nothing w°unds it, but nothing on earth will kill it:

What a man ought to do, and what he will find it in the end was mest prudent to do, it he is libelled is, as near as possible, nothing. If he be a poor man, he can, in deed, do little more ; if rich, he may with a good grace imitate the dignified patience of poverty. That it is hard to sit down in silence under the misrepresentations of the malicious or the loose-tongued cannot be denied; but many things are harder, and among tbem may certainly be counted the tortures of the witness-box.

Depend upon it, in the midst of all the science about the world and its ways, and all the ignorance of God and his greatness, the man or woman who can say, '■ Thy will be done," with the true heart of giving np, is newer the secret of things than the geologist aud theologian.—Gkokge Macdonald.

Not a single faithful word is ever uttered that docs not repeat itself -in echoes till it reaches the throne of God. Not a noble deed is ever done, however obscurely, that is not chronicled in Hcaveu,

POETRY.

ON THE EVE OF THE WEDDING, 0 love! before wo part to-night- Before the last " I will" is spoken : Boloro the ring has touched my hand, Of puro, true, endless lovo the token; Before tho i.hurch, with'holy rite,

llor blessing on our dove has given- Look straight into my eyes with yours, And answer me in sight of Heaven:

Is there within your hearts of hearts One lingering shadow of rcgrot— One thoujjht that you have chosen ill. Oh I speak—'tis not too late even yet I Is there in all this world o£ ours

One you have ever known or seen. Whom, it you had earlier Been or known You would hayc crowned your chosen queen?

Is there ? I pray you toll me now, And I will hold you bound no mora I will not flinch to hear the truth ; ' It would not be so sad so soro. To know it now as it would be St by-and-by a shadow fell Upon tho sunshino o£ our home ; So, if you cyer loved me, tell!

I hold you pure from blamo, dear love; And I would loavo you free as air To woo and win that happier one— And this for your dear sake I'd bear. I will not say how I would pray That God might have you in his care j That would be easy. When I think Of you my heart is all one prayer.

But could I join her name with yours, And call down blessings from abovo On her who has robbed me o£ my all— My hfo, my light, my only love 1 Yes. even that I'd try to do; Although my lonely heart should break, I'd try to say "God ble.sher!" too. Through blinding tears.for your sweet sake,

I'm looking up into your eyes; But though my own with tears are dim, I read that in their truo, clear depths Which tells me:" You may trust in him." I will! I will! It nocda no words, , Though yours are flowing warm and fast, Arid eloquent with truth and lo»e : Forgive my doubts—they are the last.

THE CONTENTED COBBLER.

Tho shoemaker sang while he hammered away, " Oh, who is as happy as I am to-day . I Save twenty soles where the parson saves one, And I always heel when tho doctor heals none.

" I ait on the benoh like a judge, and I boot The peoplo who say that my measures don't suit I out all my uppers. I care not for caste; My very first pleasure eaoh day Is my last.

" I'm always a-mending while others fall ill, And whon 1 am thirsty with cobblers I fill. I'll noTer peg'out, for I always peg in; And hew can I lose when I'm shoor to win.

" My goods are all soled befo'o flnished, and I Can foot many Bills without hearing a sigh ; In fact I am envied by littio and tall, For of this world's blessings alone I hare awl."

THE SWALLOW AT CRAIGENPUTTOCH.

[Carlylos wife, delicately reared, accom plished, nnd much admired, was condomncd to pass soven years, childless and in hitter poverty, with him, morose, uncompanionable, exacting, at Craigenputtoeh, the dreariest, lone liest spot ?n Scotland. Thero she wroto ahd sent to Lord Jell'cry these lines, addressod " To a Swallow Building Under Our Eaves."! '

Tnou, too, hast traveled, little fluttering thiug— Hast seen tho world, and now thy woary

Thou, too, must rest. But much, my littio bird, couldstthou but tell, I'd give to knew why hero th'ph lik'st bo well To build thy nest.'

For thou hast passed fair places in thy flight; A world lay all boneath theo,where to light; And, strange thy^tastb, Of all tho varied scenes that'met thine oyo— Of all tho spots for building 'heath the sky- To choose this waste.

Did fortnuo try thee? was thy little ptfrse Pcrehanco run low, and thou; afraid of worse,

Felt hero securo?, , ■ Ah, no I thcu nccd'st not gold, thou happy ono I Thou know'st it not. Of all God's creature, man . Alono Is poor! ' ■'

What was it then? Somo mystic turn of thought, Caught undcrGcrman oaves, andhitlier brought, Marring thino eye For tho world's loveliness, till thou art grown A sober thing that dost but mopo and moan Not knowing why 1

Nay, If thy mlud ho sound, I need not ask, Since horo 1 sco thee working at thy task ~' . With wing and beak. A well-wfdscheme doth that small head contain, At WniCll'-liotllWiinlt'Dl.lfl.Wvli:lrft-4, with inlgli. and main, . . ; -i- . • . '.. Nor more nood'st ask. ; •/ - •

In truth, I rather take it thou hast got : • By instinct wise much Sense about thy lot, And hast small care Whether an Eden or a desert bo . Thy homo so thou remain'stalive, and free To skim the air.

God speed thee, pretty bird; may thy qmall nCBt With little ones all in good tinio be blest. I love thee much: For weil thou managest that life of thine,. While 11 Oh, ask not what Ido with mino !• Would I wore such I

—The Desert.

FOOD ADULTERATION.

TEE London "Telegraph" recently deroted an article to this subject, in which some startling disclosures were made. We give several extracts :— COFFEE FRAUDS. ' : The results of a recent inquiry into the nature of the commodity sold under the name of coffee in and about London are calculated to excite far from agreeable sensations in the public mind. Thirty seven simples of ground "coffee" were subjected, at tho instance of a well-known firm in Mincing Lane, to skilled and care ful chemical analysis. Three out of thirty seven were proved to be not pure coffee at all, but roasted and ground prepara tions of the innocent dandelion, the salutary taraxacum, and the interesting "date." The first was guiltless of any element of coffee, and the taraxacum itself is described as " probably indifferent"—a supposition which only epicures of. taraxa cum would be. able to verify. The " dande lion coffee" had ten per cent., and the "date coffee" fi'ty-soven per cent, of the true Beed; not the " berry," as the raw coffee of com merce is usually and erroneously termed, the real beny being much like an ordinary cherry in size and colour, and with a consi derable substance of pulp surrounding the seed, The remaining 34 samples had been sold as coffee. Two samples only turned but what they professed to be, pure coffee. These Abdicls, faithful among the faithless, were surrounded by a mob of more or less base pretenders, who were easily detected by the Ithuriel's spear of the analyst. It was discovered that they were so many mixtures, in which the proportion of true coffee varied between seven and sixty eight per cent. The ingredicuts other than coffee which were detected in these unseem ly " melanges " were chicory, dates, dande lion, "finings," and "general vegetable matter."

A statement is calmly mado in the latest edition of Caasell's Domestic Dictionary" that coffee is frequently adulterated with roasted grain, acorns, roots, sawdust, burnt sugar, and tbe baked .hearts and livers of horses and bullocks; and that even coffee roasted at homo by the consumer cannot be guaranteed to be tho genuine article, since a patent has been taken out for the mould ing of chicory " fixtures " into the form of coffee-berries— that is to say—seeds. ADULTERATED ADULTERATIONS, The "Lancet" Commissioners of _ quarter of a csntury since detected some curious discrepancies between the quality and the high-sounding names of particular samples of coffee. Thus a packet of " cele brated Jamaica " was found to be nearly all chicory; "finest Java" bad fifty per cent. ot coffee, the rest being roasted corn, with a little chicory; "superb coffee " had a minimum of coffee to a maximum of vegetable matter; "fine Plantation Ceylon" was almost exclusively chicory; " delicious drinking coffee" contained a considerable quantity of potatoes. As for the chicory, the analysts proved tho product to be scanda lously adulterated; and an examination of 34 samples purchased indiscriminately at various shops revealed the presence .1 carrot, parsnip, mangold-wurzel, beans, acorns, biscuit powder, and bnrnt sugar. Akin to these, perhaps, may bo the "general vegetable matter" with which the most recent analysis has shown the coffee we drink to be adulterated. It was also stated iv quarters outside the "Lancet" Commission that such strange ingredients as Venetian red, burnt rags, and tope yarn had been found in so-called chicory; and Mr George Dodd, writing in 1856 on the " Food of jLondon," remarks that an article with the attractive name of " coffina," said to be "a Turkish plant," has formed an ingredient. This "coffina," from which the final letter might perhaps have teen judiciously eliminated, was a powder resembling coffee in - colour, but having a very bitter taste, and emitting the odour of lentils. Un the examination of the powder under the microscope, the stuff was found to consist of a seed, inclusive of the husk, belonging to the family legumioosjc; and of

that worthless, it not pernicious, article no I less than eighty.four tons was offered for sale by a single firm at twelve pounds a ton, or three-halfpence per pound. By this single transaction it was computed that the revenue was defrauded ol nearly five thousand and the public of eighteen thou-, sand pounds sterling. The " coffina" was ultimately discovered to be ground lupine seed, imported from Egypt.

EASY TO DETECT, BUT DIFFICULT 10

PUHISI..

So long since as 1833, Dr Jonathan Percira, in his " Treatise ou food and diet," gave a short and simple recipe for detect ing the adulteration of collee. We have but to shake up the suspected coffee with some cold water in a wineglass, if it he pure coffee it will swim, and scarcely communi cate any colour to the fluid, Chicory, on the other hand, sinks to the bottom of the glass, and imparts a deep red tinge to tbo water, while the presence of roasted corn may be found out by the bluo colour pro duced on the addition of iodine to the cold decoction. Every consumer could conse quently become, at very Blight trouble and expense, his own analyst; but it is doubtful whether he would derive much practical benefit from the fact that subjected to cer tain test., his ground coffee stained red the water in which it was shaken, while his cold boiled coffee, when iodised, turned blue. tie would get but scant satisfaction from the retail grocer; while the wholesale grocer and the yet moi-o mysterisus manufacturer who, at some time or place or another, must have put all this nasty rubbish into tho coffee, are even more inaccessible. :The law, indeed, distinctly prohibits the adul teration of food, and every person is en titled, on paying a small fee to tho public analyst, to have the article which he has purchased chemically examined; but not everyone has public spirit enough to pay ten shillings down, ana incur the risk tjf having to pay three or four pounds more in costs, in order to discover how much car rots, pannips, Venetian red, acorns, paw. dust, charred rags, rope-yarn, roasted corn, and baked horses and bullocks' hearts, chicory, and simple dirt there may'b'e'ib the sixpennyworth of stuff which he has just purchased either as pure coflco or 'as coffee mixed with chicory. ADULTERATION IK THB COLONIES.' ',' Of late, both in Victoria and New South Wales, considerable prominence has been given to the lubject or adulteration. Not long ago a Melbourne audience was told that 95 per sent, of French wine 3 arc con sumed in France, only 5 per cent, leaving that country for any part of the world whatever. If this he the case, the quantity of real French wine that reaches the antl podes may be easily imagined, Since' the failure of the French vineyards, much of the French wine that is consumed in Franco is a manufacture some of it from grapes that never grew in France, and somo from anything but grapes. Nor will any. body conclude that ' the trade": sn deception is confined ' 'to clarets. The choicer delicacy of champagno, we are told, is occasionally a preparation of nothing short of vitriol. Not long ago it Was Btated that ia a single city—nowhere hear the ohampagne country—4o,ooo dozen, of- champagne was manufactured every month from petroleum. The temperance man will, of course, congratulate himself that he gives ■no countenance to si trade thatlis so honeycombed with falsehood, but it may be doubted whether therelinearly as much adulteration practised in connect tion with wine as in connection with;teal If the one is compounded of petroleum, and vitriol, tho other, according to all accounts, is corrupted with prussian-blub,' plaster-of-paris, blacklead, china-clay, end, a score of disgusting things besides., ".A" few days ago a wine and tobacco merchant, living at Stawell (Victoria), was charged with having counterfeited aud forged the trade markets of the wine known as VJQ... O* KUrgniand clorofc, and -Bordeaux olarot No. 0. In this case the fraud was hob even cleyerly executed, for it Was stated that for claret that was worth from 80s to 90s a dozen the merchant supplied colonial wine that was not fit to drink. A commoner form of fraud, perhaps, was exposed at the" Hotham Police Court last week. ' In this' instance a publican was convicted of seßingu as schnapps the contents of a bottle which contained two-thirds schnapps and ohe- third J.D.K.Z. gin, the bottle which con-* tamed the mixture bearing the name p£ .Wolfe and Co.. The publioan's defence-was the very natural one that he'conic, not'sell the genuine article at the price usdaily * charged, and that a mixture of schnapps' and gin suited his onstomers quite as welt" as Bohnappi alone, On this subject the, "Sydney Morning Herald" remarks t—' "There is no reason in the world why if people want mixtures publicans should not' Bell them. There is no law against selling 1 compounds of gin and schnapps—the law is. against selling the compound as the genuine '* atticle. There is no law against selling inferior colonial wine, the law allows the! sale of very inferior colonial wine indeed— what the law prohibits is the selling of such wine as Bordeaux. It' will' 1 hardly be supposed that the habit of doing, this is confined to Victoria. It is known v that a great deal of th-s sort ef thing has been done in New South Wales. For the" benefit of those who may see nothing ob jectionable in such fraudulent practices as those which have been exposed in the neigh- ■ bouring colony, it may ba pointed out that'" the Trade Marks Act of New South Walos' is as stringent as that of Victoria, and that the lesson which has been given to1 dis honest traders ia the one colony will have to be given in the other. It the task - iS.iioV' undertaken, hy the public authorities to, whom it properly belongs, it will force itself' upon the private establishments which have ' a property in the tr*do marks with which1 dishonest dealers co frequently tamper," ,

"All's Well That Ends Well."

The death, scarcely noticed, occurred not long since of a lady who was in her day-i tho nine days' talk of Loudon and,,in-.; deed, o tbe country at large. 'A former Marquis of Londonderry married, secondly,' it late in life, a great heiress, of despotic dis position, who boenmo a prominent leader j. in the fashionable world of london, and dispensed a magnificent hospitality—albeit ..'; her husband became so deeply involved that her splendid mansion, Holderncss House, was notoriously ,the scene of the • Sheriff's officers being present in livery at - a grand entertainment. Her eldest daugh ter married a duke, another married an earl; and the third, Lady Adelaide, waa: doubtless destined by her mother toforiiti,: an cqnally desirable match from a manag ing mama's point of view, but Lady Lon donderry counted without her daughter. Ono day fashionable London was electri- - ; lied by the news that Lady Adelaide Vauo a had disappeared, and that her brother's tutor, Mi Law, was also missing. This!, was not long after the elopement of the . famous Lady Jersey's daughter with a.' captain of dracoons, son of a, lawyer, had brought constcrnatioii on "society," the ' union of this pair at Gretna Green heing.. the last of any noto welded by the famous blacksmith. The story went that at tho ; time Lady Londonderry, a rival grand, dame, was the first to condole with"" poor! dear Lady Jersey," and that in revenge Lady Jersey lost no time in returning the compliment when the dreadful catastrophe at Holdernesse House became known. It may be added that both of these marriages- , turned out quite as woll as those more - formally made. Capt. Ibbetson had a very , respectahle career in the army, and Mr , Law became an estimable clergyman, so,. that it was a case in both instances of " all's Well that ends well;" and love into „ the bargain. .

No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle, pure, and if good, without the world being bettor for It. > —without somebody being helped and com-.' t fottcd by the very existence of that good-,;.! ness. "

A gipsy woman promised to show two;n young ladies their husbands' faces in a pail of water. They looked, and exclaimed, : "Why, we only sec our own faces." "Well," said the gipsy, "won't they be your husbands' faces when you are mar« i ried?"

Was it Vertigo ?"—" Charles Hall," . began the Court, as the next prisoner walked ! i out, " you had an adventure onithe market yesterday." "Yes, sir, yes, sir, quite. v sure." " I happened to be there when you1 were brought in, and you said 'shay' fori) 'say,' 'wizzer'for 'winter' and so on."



- a - FEW USEFUL- HINTS suaaESTED ny the NEW ZEALAND INSURANCE COMPANY. How To Prevent Fires : " Keep witches in metal boxo., and out ot the | reach of ohitdron. Wax matches aro espoolally dangerous, and should bo kopt out of tho way of rats and mice, and never thrown on tho floor alight.1 Bryant and May a. Bell and Black's, or Lotehford's SAFETY MATCHE3-to strike on , tlio box—aro the boat. - : [toll Fill keroseno lamps only during daylight, and never noav a llro. Never buy tho cheapest ' oil, get tho best. : . , : i " Deposit no ashes in wooden boxes or barrels hut in a'-ioh-combustiblo repository, romovod a safe elistaiioo from wood-work.' Place no ashes , or light under a staircase. Uo specially careful with the ashes from Waikato Coal. " Never pilo up partially burnt Wood against " the chimney; scores ot houses have heonburnod I In this way in New Zealand. Nover put ilre-i wood insido tho fondor or on tho Stove to dry. / '• Nevor exah-lno a gas-moter or gns-pipo by ; artificial light. Nover tako a light into a room , full of escaped gas. " Avoid placing a light near curtains or dra pery ; or taking a light into a closet. " Do not read or smoke in bed nt night. "Plnoo shades over gas-lights in shop wln- I do ws, and keep goods a safe distance therefrom. " Permit no smoking in warohousos,especlally where goods are packed or flax Is stored. " " Stove-pipes should ho nlno lnohes or more from wood, enclosed in non-combustible sub stance, and carried four foot abovo tho roof. " Hatchways and othor openings In tho floors of stores factories and warehouses, should be nlways closed at night. Close iron doors be tween floors whon not roquirod to be open for business Havo a few buckets always filled with water, available In caao of aooidonta. Stores should havo an iron tank of water, always filled, on each floor.! > " Buildings in which cotton waste, roes, or oil aro used for cleaning and oiling machlnory should havo an Iron hox to hold tho same, as theso substances aro liable to spontaneous igni tion, and. It neglected,' may constitute an dement of vory serious danger. "Havo your chimneys regularly swept, at fixed intervals; at least once in throe months." Useful as thoso precautions may be, your greatest safeguard is to injure' 'against fire IN THB TMEVV TNSURANOE £JO. QUEEN-STREET. AUCKLAND. ] \ j TMaf VOR, Upholsterer and Undertaker. W, ■ CityMarkot. Ceuches and Chalra to order. G' .. BRIMBLBCOMBK, Queen's Hotel, Symonds-street and Kybor Pass R GEORGE (lato C. Wood), Butcher, Parnell, • supplies beat quality Meat at lowest prices. ! J YOUNG. Family Grocor. Shorfland-atroet, • Auckland. BEST Place for Rangos, uvenn, oioves. and Blacksmith's Work.-R. NICHOLLS, 3W. Upper Qneen-street j - THE ; AUCKLAND GAP COMPANY, - ; ~-.,, Limited. ~ _~ ,,.-. j PURVEYORS OF LIGHT. HEAT, & POWER Gas fittings, Gas Apparatus, and Gas ENannsß In Stock. ~- i '.'' ,' TORT-STREET. AUCKLAND. HE NEW REMEDY FOKTaSTHMA DIFFICULTY OF BREATHING. &0. "EUPHORBIA PIL.ULIFERA,' . .•-.-...: (Queensland Asthma Herb). j A MOST VALUABLE REMEDY Also, - ..: - ~._'• I „(„, .■__. D ;S O. NILS! iv - loi'l •'-*.< SYRUP OF HYPOPHOSPHITES," II >.n ~'■-■' WITH1 ' .' " EUPHORBIA PILULIFERA." Fob Asthma, Curonio Bronciutis. Cough Hoarseness, Tightness oi? —as Chest, Incipient Consumption, Sea. Tho advantage of this preparation la tho com ..blnation.of tho expectorant. qualities-ot< the Euphorbia PUulifera with tho Jreparotlve pro ' pertics ot tho Hypophosphitoa bo universally esteemed for thoir power to recoup the waste ivnd loss of tono attendant npon this class of .complaints. . . . . ', ■_. The numerous voluntary,tcatlmoniea recolvea from time to time as to tho great benefit derived by thoso who have suffered from affections of i the chest nnd respiratory organs for yearß inducc3 the proprietor with Increased confidence ' to make It virtues more widely known. The syrup is a pharmaceutical preparation, agreeable to the taste, and- may be taken by the mo. t fas tidioua. ... JI.V. • IN'.BOTTLESAT 38. 6D. ; ■ EDSON'S MEDICAL HALL,; I'i.lj in; QUEEN-STBEET. AUOKUND, FOR THE BEST, AND CHEAPEST LINE IN TWEEDS, __% H. Robinson date Stevenson), junction of ~,.!! Queen and Grey streets. .;':'" I TWEED SUITS FROM £3 10s. '~ ':,. '-',; -; TROUSERS FROM 13s. 6d. ,!, ;l STYLE AND FIT GUARANTEED. Give me a Trial. 1,,',*, i ,'';''' ; a ROB I N SON. -. I TTBPER SYMONDS STREET CHEAP j U DRAPERY AND GROCERY STORE. J. HEAPE, Family Gkocbe, AND GENERAL DRAPER, ;Is selling Groceries and Oilmen's Stores fob cash as low as any house in the Trade. Good Family Tea at 2s per lb ; Excellent do. at 2a 8d ; Bacon and Cheese as good and cheap as any honso In town. ~ , .'■:.., Trial and Inspection Invited '. "\'\ DRAPERY, MILLINERY, & LADiBo| AND OHILPREN'3 UNDBRqLQTHINq. H. FOUNTAIN, Ponsonbt Road, Is now offering the above at lowest TOWS ■HMOE3 for, cash, and. respectful!/ solioitsa 'continuance of the patronage of his .numerous odstomera. '' i ' j I „ T ,, .:D .. dlgn <^ai. IEi E ■ - : y\ 'Ot '■ _Al-65% Sco , ■':' .;': !; .VULCAN LANE. AtI'dKLAND. i Brtrsmost respectfully to call the attention of Gentlemen aiid the Public, ih general to hi; NEW GOODS of : Best, Quality for the present iimd coming sE-.sons.-_' . ' • . ; J.D. in returning, thanks for. past favours solicits n continuance of the same, and will give satisfaction to all who may favour him with their patronage. '•»{ ' ,""•' -. NOtk Tnn Adpressj.■ _Ji,_, ' - OPPOSITE THE OCCIDENTAL HOTEL, Vulcan Lanb. '■____>