MY 'WIFE'S LOVER.

CHAPTEBf I.

I FRA.K_.r_Y admit, that h should be classed among .fhoso husbands' >J o f whom Othello is the bast __} mva spaciiue^ The green-eyed monstej: fint'^"I',. l0n!" *$ my bosom, and is tenderly cared foiTt'iiore, Those are facts (•(which Ihavcnot yet found occasion lo to be ashamed ; on tho other hand, I often congratulate myself because I am s. jealous husband.

There are married men who would pre sent its absurd an appearance iv nur.nng Jealousy as a habitual liar. doe 3 when he blushes. If a man's wife happens to be crosseyed, or broken nosed, or lame, or blind, or halt, he wastes all the timo he spends in-caring for tho green eyed mons ter. When, however, a man's better half is, iiko mine, a plump, hright-eyed, raven hairod, rosy cheeked, charming woman, then—l say this boldly—he's afoo if he is not jealous.

Before I married, I read somewhere a story of a man who was so intolerably jea lous, that on the tivstday of the honeymoon he purchased a stool and a gun, and there after passed his timo watching for his wife s lovers. That plan recommended itself to mo vet-v strongly; hut, unfortunately, lam compelled to earn my living by the perspi ration of my brow, and therefore it was impossible for me to adopt tho stool-and guu theory. As may be supposed, I watched my wire as carefully as I could, and I was almost ready to admit that, she cared only for me, whoti—presto, change!—tho curtain went up for the second act, audi discovered that my wife had some othor person—sonic other man in hor eye. That unpleasant informa tion came to mo in an indirect manner, and hit by bit ; but 1 gathered it with great care, and spent much time in obtaining it. You will see that my jealousy was not aroused without cause.

Miss Kebbacea Dinsmuss, a charming little damsel, with hazel eyes and unlimited biown hair, came with her mother to our house. Hecky was a pleasant visitor"; but Mrs Din .muss was not precisely what one would call a cheerful woman. She was afflicted with a peevish disposition, a deaf ness iv both ears, a tongue which never tired, and a mania for " bossing " her chil dren. Her daughter, Miss Becky, was afraid to do or say anything when Mrs Dinsmussjwaspresent, andhorson, Charley Dinsmuss, was so fond of his mother that he was compelled to keep away from her, for fear that his raptures might overcome them both if they met. One afternoon I stepped from my library into the adjoining sitting room. There I saw my wife and Miss Becky sitting in close proximity to each other. As I made very little noise when I entered, they did not know that I had entered the room. Before* I had taken two steps I distinctly heard Miss Becky say to my wife: " isn't Charley delightful ?' Charley Dinsmus", of course. I confess that I expected to hear my wife say that he was passable, or so-so, or sonicthingof (hat sort. Instead, however, of indulging in any such reasonable remarks, she blurted out,:'

"Charming !" "Oh, I'm so glad !" gushed Miss Becky, when my wife, happening to look up, saw me, and muttered : "Hush! there* my husband!" f obtained the article I wanted, and re turned to tho library. I could not, write, however, when I had resumed my seat at my desk. What, in the name of all the saints, did my wife mean by thinkincr that Charley Dinsmuss was charming. I hate thoso charming men; they always put humdrum people like myself aside with so much affrontery. Bah! of course she meant nothing. Sho was merely trying to please the girl.' Besides, Charley Dinsmuss was ono of my particular friends, and I do not, object to listen to praises of my friends, even—yes, oven from my wife. These were the thoughts which danced through my brain, and prevented mo from writing. I dropped my pen, and picked up a book. Incredible as tho story may appear, the book was Dnmas's work on divorce, How- Tcr, I read industriously until, instead of Dumas's vigorous sentence."!, there seemed to be written on the page :

" Isn't Charley delightful!"

Charley Dinsmuss, of course. " Charming!" " Oh, I'm so glad !" "Hush! There's my husband!" Then I threw the book down, and, put ting on my hat, I .went out into tho street, resolved to walk until I had brought myself into a more reasonable frame of mind. I almost succeeded, and returned to my home at about dinner hour, in tolerably good spirits. As I was hanging my hat on the rack in the hall, I noticed that tho door of the sitting room stood par tially orcn, And I heard Miss Becky say : " Mother is so angry, and I'm afraid he will be impatient." Why should not a mother be angry nt such undutiful conduct? Though she was in the same city with him, yet he had not called on her. However, I waited with my hand on the door-knob, for my wife's an swer. When it came, it was :

"I'll sec him to-morrow at three."

I almost fainted. Could it be possible that the affair had reached that point? Yet I opetied tho door mid walkediu, while Miss Becky was saying enthusiastically: " Will you, really V" " Hush !' said my wife; " there's my hus band !"

Imagine my feelings ! The wife of my bosom was arranging, on my very hearth Sfiono, to meet, Another man. I resolved however, to dissemble. I kept very cool. I acted very much as usual At tho dinner taiiU, I grumbled about, my victuals in such a natural manner that everybody. """fig

deceived as to ''"' y.V.'i'.YYoi'.'.?/.""'feelings. Mis Dinsmy,, j n -itated iih as much as she could by nsv. p»rsistcnt inquiries as to the suojeo. which had occupied the time and thoughts of my win and Miss Bocky during the afternoon. Miss Becky blushed vigo rously, and even mv wife became a li'tic rosy in the face. You may vest assured that those facts did not escape my attention. Then that venerable old woman saw lit to be facetious at my expense. I think that Lucifer himself must have prompted her. She wanted to know if I was not afraid that her young and giddy daughter would lead my wife astray. That was the very thins of which T was afraid ; but, of course, I could not confide my thoughts to a deaf woman. "What do you mean by leadmg her astray?" shouted I. " Oh, mako her wish she had some nice, stylish man dancing attendance on' her,'' replied she. Now, that was a double hit. I was not nice, and was not stylish. However, I was a mau and I resolved, then and there that a I would blow the brains out of any other man who dared to dance attendance on my "Oh, mamma!"shouted Becky. "He isn't afraid of that, "said my wife, looking at me as if she was fond of me.

Not afraid of that .1 Wasn't I ? That was cxartlv what I was afraid of. However, I rosXedto dissemble and await develope m We'retired for tho night. While I, tortured by my ructions, tossed rest lessly on. my pillow, my wife slept cami as it balk I.was fond of her uncommonly fond of her, andnow anothe man was to steal he.- from me. He.c 1 I'd slaughter her before I would allow that to happen. Why not kill her now while she is innocent I I asked myself; I looked at the drawer where I kept .my razors. Onl onegssh aiid-no, I'll provcher guilty, and then mete out her punishment. She amilcd iv her sleep. Ah, thought I, she is dreaming of a fight with Charloy-thc villain, my most intimato foend-to s<ami t far offland, some sweet nook, which he has pictured to hor after reading "The Lady of Lyons." Oh, the villain! However, I solemnly resolved to follow them to the end of the clirth. Alt,, why had I ™™d' Or why, having married, did I not adopt the stool-and-guu theory J ... Finally I fell asleep, but the ceihnß seemed to form itself into an open book, on the page, of which were written these words : ..... -_:n

Isn't Charley de lightful? Charley Dinsmus9, of course. Charming! Oh, I'm so glad- Hush ! There's my husband!

I'm afraid no wm . be impatient. I'll see him to-mor row, at three. Will you really ? Hush! There's my husband !

CHAPTER II

In the morning, when I awoke, my head was much clearer, and I turned the whole matter over in mymind very carefully. Of coursol wasenragod when I remembered that my wife had been thinking of other men, aud I was brought almost to the verge of madness when I reflected that at that very moment she was probably dreaming of surreptitious trips'with Charley Dimmiuss to Jersey or other foreign climes. She was my wife, however, and it was my duty to save her, if possible. Accordingly 1 re solved that I would continue to dissemble. At the breakfast table I wore that calm and placid smile for which I am famous. You know volcanoes resemble in a remark able manner other mountains, when the volcanoes are not pouring out their liquid destruction. Well, no one would have im agined that the lava distrust was boiling and surging in my bosom. The conversa tion at the table was, I confess, a little ag gravating. Mrs Dinsmuss commenced it. "Becky," said that estimable, lady to her daughter, " Charley is certaiuly au uu grateful anduudutiful son." " Oh, mamma," said Becky. 5' He certainly is. He should have called on me. Don't you thir_k so ?" the old lady continued, directing her conversation to me.

" He's a wretch !" bawled I. " Why,"»aid my wife. "I thought he was one of your friends." " Well, remarked I, " my friends may be " I don't say he is a>frotch," added Mrs Diusmus ; "but why docs he not call on mc ?" "Probably business engrosses him, bawlca* my wife. "Probably," suggested I; "he ha 3 other engagements of a more agreeable character." As I uttered that remark I looked di rectly at my wife ; hut with an aplomb for which I had nevci given that woman credit, she gazed ot mc quite coolly ; she did not even blush. I had lived with my wife during a few years, and I really had im agined that 1 -was tolerably well acquainted with her. I had supposed that she was as open-minded as a child, aud as little given to deceit as the t.etter up of a gold mining company appears to be ; yet here I hud touched upon her secret—a terrible secret, too—and she was as cold as an icicle at the North Bole, and as calm as a doctor by his patient's deathbed. At that moment a brilliant thought darted into my brain. "My dear," said I, itva comparatively low tone of voice, "I shall be at leisure this afternoon. Suppose I drive you and Miss Becky to High bridge ?" "What's that?" asked Mrs Dinsmuss.

As I did not wish to tnko that lady on the excursion, I explained, in louder tones : " Wo were thinking about visitingapoor mau who has seven sick children."

■' Ah," said Mrs Dinsmuss, going back to her coffee complacently. "What do you say my dear ?" inquired I. "Not to-day," responded my wife : "I really can't go to-day." " Can't go 1 Why not?" queried I. " Oh, those jams must bo made to-day." " Let tho jams go till to-morrow," " Besides I have an engagement for this afternoon," added she. " An engagement ?" "Yes, an engagement, at three o'clock." "With whom, my dear?" " Oh, don't he tiresome I What do you care ?'"

" How do I know whether I care or not, if Ido not know who the person is ? Per haps, though, that's a secret." "Oh, it is a secret," interrupted Miss

Becky. That remark Mrs Dinsmuss happened to hear, and sho at once broke in : "Did you say that you had a secret, Becky?"

" No, indeed, mamma," replied Becky, turning very rod in the face. "Girls never should havo secrete from their mothers."

"What a bother about nothing," said my wife; "I have an engagement with MrsSmithcrs." " Oh, if yon don't wish to go to High bridge, never mind," added I. There it was. And wasn't it a terrible condition for respectable people ? My wife had actually told me a falsehood. The most irritating thing about the affnir was that I had met Mr and Mrs Smithcrs on the pre ceding day while they were on their way to the trft.ii wtiiisji was to benr them to i?arafo»a." I was strWUgly tempted to crush my wife on the spot b> gating to her that choice piece of infoi-matiAi_.-.b_ut-_lfinally determined to hold my tcngue, and TO lot the affair come to a head. At about,, twenty minutes after two o'clock I saftntcred into the office of Dins muss & Baker, and inquired for the senior w.cmbor bf the firm. I found him in the private office up to his ears in figures. 1 thought he looked somewhat confused when his eyes fell on mc. "Hello, Charley," said It "what as fonishes you ?" "Eh?" replied he; "oh, it s seeing you here at this hour." * . "Oh," said I, "I just dropped in to invito you to lunch." " But I can't go. I really cant. "Pooh! Nonsense! I'll wait for you. " But I'vo an engagement at three. ' "Pshaw! put that off on Barker.' "But it isn't a business engagement, you see." "Well, break it, then." "No ■ I can't do that. It's with a lady. Of course it was. Didn't I know that ? And didn't I know the lady too? " .Veil then," said I, " conic right around to Park's with me, and we'll be back here by three o'clock." '" I will, if you'll agree to hurry. " Of course," responded I.

So we hurried around to Park's res taurant. ... Now, it happened that I was on familiar terms with ono of the waiters at the restaurant; in fact, I had given him occa sional douceurs. I beckoned to him, and while ordering our lunch, told him to con sume as much timo as he could in obtaining it. Charley Dinsmuss roso from his seat in order to speak to an acquaintance, and I took advantage of the opportunity thus offered and asked the waiter, in an innocent .way, if he could not set tho clock hack fifteen or twenty minutes. He shook his head gravely, as if such a thing could not possibly bo done at Park's; hut a fifty cent piece jjeemed to change the condition of ° "Did you tell him to hurry?" asked Charley, as he resumed his seat. "Waiter," cried 1, "hurry as I told

The waiter put the minute hand of the clock back as I had requested. Fortu nately, Charley did not carry a watch. I ordered a bottle of win e-rCharley's favourite tipple; and I turned tho conversation on fishing — Charley's favourite sport. Of course, under such circumstances, he did no, observe how time was flying. As the waiterplacedthedisheson the table, Charley looked at the clock. " All," saidhe; "fifteen minutes to three. Quick work!" I chuckled in my sleeve, hut sug gested to Charley that ho would not be more than two or three minutes late. Hnrryin" one's self at meals is a practice of which Ido not approve; but Charley drove things, and when I stepped up to the counter to pay for our lunch the hands of Parks clock pointed to three o'clock. Wo consumed about five minutes in walking from the restaurant.4o Charleys oilice. As wc approached the door he shook hands and remarked :' "There; don't let me take you any further." • , . „ "Oh, 111 come in and take a smoke,

' "No; I've an engagement with a lady, and can't smoke." " Woll, if you. will drive me away, good-

We had reached the door of his store, and a clerk who was standing there ex claimed : ~,,_, "Oh, Mr Dinsmuss! wo didn t know where to look for you. A.lady has been here on important business." Important! I should say it was ! Impor tant to me! ~.._,,, " Why didn't she wait ?" said Charley. " She did wait fifteen minutes," answered the clerk. . "Fifteen minutes!'' exclaimed Charley. " Why, what time is it?" "Twenty-fire'minutes after three," re plied I, as I gazed upon my watch. "Then that confounded clock at Park's was wrong !" ejaculated Charley. "Apparently; but don't let me detain

you." Then I trotted away toward my home. If I do say it myself, I had arranged that little affair in a tolerably cute manner. I came very near sitting down on the curb stone and congratulating myself upon my success; shaking hands with myself. I indulged in several little explosions of laughter on my way home, as I thought of Charley's disappointment, and of the feelings which my wife must have experienced when, instead of flying on the wings of love— another man's love—to the wilds of Jersey, she was compelled to omnibus hersolf up to my respectable mansion. I let myself into our house by means of my latch-key, and I saw at once that the door of the reception room was ajar. As I hung up my hat I glanced'through tho narrow crack between the door and the jamb, and I say ray wife standing with her hat on, in the middle of the room, with Miss Becky by her side. Miss Becky's remark caught my attcqtion : "Then you met him at three?" "Oh, yes," replied my wife; "he was punctual," "Do you like him?" "Very much. I arranged to meet him at Del's to-morrow afternoon at four." In my auxicty to catch every word, I stepped too near to the door and stubbed my toe against tho sill. Of course, I was compelled to enter the room at once. It was Miss Becky who, on this occasion, muttered:

'' Hush! There's your husband !" I was struck dumb with astonishment by the words I had overheard. She had met him at three. To the most obtuse indi vidual that simple statement would prove that Charley Dinsmuss was not tho man. I had made a fool of myself, and had probably prevented Charley—dolt that I was—from meeting some interesting lady. Evidently the wrong person had laughed that afternoon. My wife should have indulged in unlimited laughter. Ah, I thought, why did I ever marry? Why hadn't I adopted the stool-and-gun theory ? Why docs'nt matrimony make Siamese twins of the happy pair, so that a man's wife cannot go away with othor men? I went to bed a miserable man. Is it to be. woudered at that I dreamed of pistols and swords ? Is it to be wondered at that I awoke in the middle of the night, and found myself slabbing an imaginary rival under the fifth rib with a pillow? Alas, the joys of married life!

CHAPTER 111.

I arose as I went to oed—a miserable man. I hardly dared to look at my wife, for I looked so Othelloish that I feared I should be tempted to strangle her then and there. I fell to wondering whether, if I did kill her, the lawyers would succeed in persuading twelve intelligent jurymen that I was sane the moment before I com mitted the act, sane the moment afterward, but stark, raving crazy at the instant when the horrible deed was perpetrated. Ah, Othello, if I had only been big, and black, and brave, I, too, might have figured in history—the history of remarkable crimes. I felt, however, tbat my first business was to find the man who had won my wife's affection. AVhile I was dressing I bound a wet toy/cl around my head, and when I had arranged myself in my gar- Yments I went out into the fresh morning air, Ikaoutse I had heard that those things induced ..nought, I sat down on the piazza and reflected. I recalled all-,the incidents, just as the detectives I had read about in books or had seen in plays were accustomed to do. 1 found that I suspected my wife; that she certainly had made .arrangements to meet someone; that she even gone so far as to meet that someone; that bus name was Charley —but not Dinsmuss; that she proposed to meet some one again on that day at four p.m., and that tho place of meeting was Dels. That was perfectly satisfactory up to that point; but who, which, what, where was the person ov thing she called Del ? It might be one of her friends, was my first thought. On reflection, Siowever, I could remember no friend whose name was Del. A brilliant thought suddenly struck me. I determined that I would follow her to the place, wherever it was, descend upon them like a dcus ex maehina, catch her iv the very act of running away with the disturber of my peace, knock him into the gutter, take her to her father's house, and invest my little fortune in the divorce business at once. I'd have no bloodshed

no scandal. No, the cruel woman should live on in her misery, whioh I knew would be almost intolerable; for her father had married a second wife, and my wife and her stepmother never could agree for a longer period than"four consecutive hours. Having thus mapped out the campaign; having dug out my rifle-pits, and even pre pared for an incursion into the enemy's camp, a spirit of calmness swept over me, and I went in to my breakfast. Never had my wife looked more charming than she did on that eventful moniing. She was full of solicitude about my enjoyment of the matutinal meal, and, metaphorically speaking, sported around me while 1 ate. Ah, thought I, it is evident that she is going to-day, and, woman- like, she desires to leave a good impression behind her. Mrs Dinsmuss came down stairs a little later than the rest of us on that morning, and she had hardly taken her seat at tho table before she announced to us gravely that she must leave the city on that very day. I am naturally hospitable, but on hearing that announcement I dropped my knife and fork and rubbed my hands together joyfully—under the table, of course. I heartily rejoiced at that woman s reso lution. Don't you see, if Mrs Dinsmuss went, Becky would go with her, and then I might save my wife ? „•_.,_. " But you mustn't go to-day ! bawled my wife in Mrs Dinsmuss's ear. "Yes, I must." responded she. "You must get ready, Becky." I looked as solemn as a ghost, though if I could conveniently have put my sleeve to my mouth, I should have laughed in it most vigorously. " Oh, mamma, ".Sighed Becky. "Well, I will not allow you to take Becky," said my wife. My coffee went the wrong way. "She'll only annoy you," said Mrs Dinsmuss in a tone that frightened me into a belief that she was yielding. "Not a bit," said my wife, "and I insist that she shall stay." , " Well,".said Mrs Dinsmuss, collapsing at once from her stern resolve when I was praying that she would remain inflexible, "she can stay. if Mr Lot does not object."

Every eye was turned upon me. • What could I say under the circumstances ? I was anxious to have Miss Becky go, and I should have looked upon her departure as a special blessing, but, of course, I couldn't say so; politeness compelled me to urge her to stay. " Object!" said lin a low tone. "Eh?" said Mrs Dinsmuss, whose deaf ness increased. " Why should I object. Of course she'll stay," bawled I, in a tone that was so loud that it sounded cheerful and hearty. " Well, then," said Mrs Dinsmuss; "she can stay, but you'll be compelled to take me to the depot." ' " With pleasure," said I. " When does your train start ? " "At three-thirty." Was there ever anything so aggravating? My whole plan of the campaign was des troyed, U I went to the depot fbr that tram, of course, I could not return to the house in time to follow my wife to the ren dezvous at which she was to meet my rival at four. There was nothing to be done, under the circumstances, but to plan some new means of accomplishing my object; so I put my hat on my head and startecLout into the street, determined to think the matter out.

This was the problem : Given two per sons, each located at a fixed point, to bring those persons together at a third fixed point, when one of those persons knows where that third point is located and the other doesn't. The depot was my point, onr home was ray wife's, and the third was— Dels. Del—who or what was it? I cogitated for a long time over that conun drum, when suddenly an inspiration came to me, and, I thought of the city directory. There were Dels enough io that valuable book, but none of them struck me favorably until I reached Delmonico. Then I shut the pook. Del meant Delmonico. It was as plain as the nose on a man's face. I bought a postage stamp, as a slight com pensation to the druggist for the use of the directory and, with a light heart, sauntered out of the store. Suddenly an unpleasant idea entered my mind. There are several Delmonicos, and as, according to Sir Boyle Roche, no man can be at several places at the same time, unless he is a bird, my wife and her lover might be enjoying aU the luxuries of the season at one Delmonico's, while I was kicking my heels and wishing I had never been born at another. ' I was staggered for a moment; but a little reflec tion showed me that the chances in favor oftheup-town establishment, which was at that time located at the-corner of Four teenth street and -Fifth avenue, were as a hundred to one.

I took Mrs. Dinsmuss to' the dep6t with a smile on my face which would have eclipsed the one which adorns the under taker's countenance, during a cholera season, Once there, I waited impatiently for the train, which by some ridiculous accident was horribly delayed. Finally, by five minutes of four, I put Mrs. Dinsmuss into the c»r, and hurrying over from the Grand Central Depßt to the Fifth Avenue,' I jumped into an omnibus and started down town. I gave the driver fifty cents as a reward for aggravating Mr, Bergh, if heßhouldhappento.be in the neighbour hood, by fast driving, and when one of the hones became balky, I sprang out and hired a passing coach. The result'of my performances was that I entered Del monico's at thirteen minutes past four.

I scanned every face in the room, but my wife was not present. I ordered a small bottle of wine, and waited till half-past four. Then I began to snspect that I had blundered. Finally I interviewed the waiter. Had he seen a young woman, very dark, quite handsome, with black eyes and hair, regular features, and wearing a heavy gold chain around her neck, was the gist of my inquiry. "1 have seen many such was his reply. A promise of the 'United States to pay the bearer one dollar when it gets ready,, printed on a narrow piece of paper, which I transferred to t£e waiter, seemed to brighten his wits. " Had she a little red spot on her. right cheek?" he asked. " She had," replied I, eagerly. " Then she was here..met a gentleman, and went away with him just before you came," said the waiter. I • mournfully departed from Pel's. I hope that good woman, Mrs Dinsmuss, has managed to keep ahead of the curses I hurled after her, and I hope tho stock holders of the Hudson River Railroad havft not been financially injured by the objurga tions which I heaped on that road. I became almost frantic, and am not quite certain that I was not half insane. I sternly re solved that I would end the whole affair as speedily as possible. As she had actually gone—fled from me—l resolved to pursue her, blow her brains and his brains out, and then stand my trial like a man. I stepped into a store, bought a revolver, had that implement _pf death carefully loaded, and then hurried honje to pack my valise. I had made up my mind to employ a detec tive, and go with him while he was tracing the guilty pair. I re >.hed my home, opened the door with my latch-key and walked in. Could I believe my eyes? There, upon my very hearthstone, stood my wife, Mis 3 Becky,

and the destroyer of nftr happiness. What ;]■ effrontery! What cold blooded impudence 1 Who would have bolieved tnat she would have dared to bring that man into my house ' —my castle? '<'-.%______ That was too much for good nature, ji 111 I put my hand in the breast pocket of my coat, and" toyed with the handle of tl» 11 revolver hidden there, as I entered the room. _ ... rj|l "Oh ""said my wife: "lam so glad yotAJHI have come!"" ' _ '. ,| f|| " Ah, indeed !" said I coldly. „ r'k'm Apparently she did not notice my manner, B for she added : *. .:. fl "Yes. Let me introduce you to Mi ,jB Charles Bragly." . -7I? I bowed in a very dignified manner, but . -W my hand never left the handle of-that»_^;M| volver. It's quite, tho correct thing, I|jH believe, f n polite society to allow yourself to !>al be introduced to the man you are about to .'■§ shoot. My wife moved over to my side, if a "He's Becky's lover," whispered «hV,liJsj] my ear. My hand came out of my breast pocketl?'j| at once. "Eh ? what ?" asked I. till "He's Becky's lover," repeated she. JJsjß "My dear sir," exclaimed I, as I seized!-H ,his hand with my hand, which had just been toying with the revolver. "I'm de lighted to see you." . . ._ .M " Oh," said Becky,_ looking up at mflijijß with a face covered with smiles : " I'm Mfcft|B glad you don't object." . ... . •''_§__ "Object! Of course not!" cried I;' "I'm delighted—positively delighted." "We did not tell you of it," said my f ||ffl wife, " because we were afraid that you ■■ .B would think it your duty to inform Mrs Dinsmuss, who is bitterly opposed to Mr ' Brady. For that reason I was compelled to be the go-between, and to meet Mr Si Brady yesterday and to-day." "Fop,which I thank you very much," said he. "And well you may," added my wife; "for if my husband had. been of a jealous ' disposition you might have made him s*g. pect me, and then—" "Well then?" interrupted I. - . j " I should have hated Mr Bragly ;forerej{'''. said she. y.. t " " "'"■ \ "And you would have acted!i^aji,emi, ,■ . nently proper manner, my dear," said L "But as you aro not in the least jealous—" , ~' "Why, you can hug me, my dear." . ~ She proceeded at once to comply with my suggestion. "Mercy!" cried she. " What is that in your pocket ? A pistol ?" , , "Yes, my deaf," answered I, in some confusion. "But what did you get it for," atked she. .. . I "I—l—well, my dear, it is for,_>"*_> , glare." "Oh." ~ ~. 1 "Yes, my dear, for burglars, only for burglars." jj The pistol was laid aside, and we passed V' a pleasant evening with Mr Charleß Bragly; ; and I was inclined to agree with Missßecky in her assertion that he was a, charming fellow. That night I once mora; slept the sleep of the happy. It may be proper to add that Miss Beekjr and her Charley were duly wedded, not withstanding the opposition of Mrs Dins muss ; and that I fondly anticipate that all; ray wife's lovers will turn Out to be othfcr' women's lovers, whom my wife will court only as a proxy.— From Fiction. 'SB

Awakening Sermon Sleepers in Lapland.

, #v Siirna is prettily situated on the banks of the river, whichhere had widened into a lake. ' , It has a parish church, a good inn, andan ex cellent school, openfrom October'to the end of June. The pastor has been settled here ■*' for twenty-seven years, and visited the old i , church with me. Ascending the pulpit, I, | saw near the Bible what resembled a police. | man's club, at the end of which wa* a thick. | piece of leather, the whole reminding one of a martinet. ThiS had been used, until' * .within a few years, to awake the sleepers, ■ the parson striking the pulpit with it very .'M forcibly, thus compelling attention. Jlear M the pulpit was a long pole, rounded at. thfe A end, with which the sexton, it -appears,; f| used to poke the ribs of sleepers. .These 1 two implements, intended to keep the con-; I gregations awake, were used extensively in many out-of-the-way places in Sweeten twenty or thirty years ago, and here till within a few years, but were discontinued by the present pastor. Now pinches |<4 strong snuff are often offered to the sleeper, .■, who, after sneezing for a considerable time, ' finds his drowsiness entirely gone.— Tm Land of the Midnight Sun, by P. 8., dv y Chdillu. .. ~, ,

A Waterloo Veteran.

MAJOR Ronan, a.reteranof thePeninsukr war and Waterloo, died .recently at the little village of Gilford, county of Simcoe, ! having reached the ripe old age of one hundred and five years. Major Timothy Ronan served His Majesty King George 111. in the forty-seventh infantry regiment, the same corps which lay in Toronto at the time of the Fenian raid in. 1866. Most of his military life was passed in active servioe, for he was engaged in moat of the sanguin ary battles fought between the French and | British in Spain during the years 18Q9 and Y. 1811, and wa» privileged to take part in the closing engagement at Waterloo. Although it was Major Ronan's good fortune to die full of years, surrounded by tho comforts which his own exertions had won for him, he did not escape unscathed from all the.-;. battle fields on which his courage and devo tion to country had been tried. He was shot in the groin at the seigo of Badajos, and? ;, carried the buUet in his bony up to the' '-■■,■. time of his death. Again at Waterloo he was severely wounded. During the terrific Sharges which the French cavalry made on the British squares at the former engage- : ment he was smgled out for personal combat by an officer in the enemy's squadrons. The Frenchman charged furiously iipon him, | and, with a single sweep of his sabre, * severed the bridle lines of Ronan's horse, .

with the object of .having its rider at his ■*' mercy. But while monsieur wa&so engaged his intended victim ran a sword throughhis body. But Ronan bad, by the cutting of - the bridle lines, lost control of his horse, ( ; ami another Frenchman endeavoured to

take advantage of his predicament by also charging upon him. The British officer, .-s■' however, adroitly fell over his horse, arid, 'j, slipping under the animal's body, managed v to catch the second Frenchman in the nick of time, and, by an upward sweep of his sword, nearly decapitated him. But feats •> of strength and daring accomplished by f- Rpnan on tfye eventful day wouldiill pages. ?;' Ho was severely wounded towards the close *f; of the battle. Shortly before Blucber's J arrival was announced, a shell hurSt imme- " diately over him, and a fragment fractured * his skull. He was carried to the rear, and . ' in the hospital the wound was silver-tre' panned. He wore the plate to the end Ot his life.— Toronto Mail.

STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT, JANUARY 28, 1882.

2



Visitors to Auckland should have their prescriptions dispensed at the English Pharmacy, 184, Queen-street.— Austen W. Gardner, M.P.S., E_ig., Pharmaceutical Chemist.--. Advt.]