His Cabinet of Beauty.

A PHOTOCItAPHEIt TELLS SOME OF THE SECRETS OF HIS PUOFESSIOX.

' That ? Why, that's my cabinet of beauty,' said a photographer who has a studio in this city, in answer to an Ameri can reporter's question. ' Yes, strange as it may seem, within its walls lie hidden charms and smiles, beauty and grace which have boon photographed and have made many homes happy.' And the photographer turned to his negative, which he was re touching. The cabinet had a charm which invited closer inspection. At first it seemed a catch-all for all the old trumpery of the house; but a second view convinced the visitor that its only equal was the top bureau drawer of a fashionable young lady's toilet table. Inside there was a brilliant array of false frizzes and bangs, rouge tablets and brushes, ribbons and laces, two or throe fans and a pair of kid gloves, while a pair of 'plumpers' and a set of false teeth lay by themselves in one corner, as if too aristocratic to associate with the other trash. The sight of these articles awakened a desire to know why they were there, and the old man was again interrupted in his work. 'Well, you see,' said he, in reply, 'we have to .be prepared for all sorts of emer gencies. It was only last week that a very pretty lady came in hero to be taken. She had hollow cheeks, and I knew at once the picture would not satisfy her, and so I thought of my cabinet of beauty and the "plumpers." I had to use a great deal of tact, you know, in introducing the subject, for the thought of putting these things in her mouth would disgust her. While she was "prinking" before the looking-glass in the dressing-room, I called my assistant and gave him the "plumbers" and told him to go downstairs. He understood me. When the lady came into the operating room 1 opened lire and gradually led to the "plumpers." As usual with them all, she was horrified, but I told her I knew of a place where I could get a new set, and would send for them. So I rang the bell, and my assistant came up. I told him to go around to Mr. Smith's and get me a new pair of "plumpers." The man was gone for a reasonable time, and came back with my old " plumpers' brightened up and neatly wrapped in white paper. Even then the lady objected, but I persuaded her to try one and she did. The eil'ect as seen in the glass was so improving that she slipped in the other and glided into the chair, and I got a splendid picture—perhaps a little full in the face ; but no matter—it made her look a hundred per cent, prettier, and, after all, that's what they all want. Make a woman pretty, and the picture suits to perfection. FALSE TEETH AND BANGS. ' How about the false teeth ?' ' Well, it's different with them. I used to keep an assortment —all sizes—but I found that it was no use, for one pair was sufficient, and I gave the others away to my friends and kept only one pair. Yes, I have used them quite often. Let's see—at least sixty times-since the beginning of the year. These wore new in January. A funny thing happened to the last pair. It was just before Christmas, when a lady came in here to sit. She was from the country, and had a very bad set of teeth. She wanted to have her picture taken smiling. I told her that the picture would be ruined, for her teeth would spoil it. I remarked that if she could use my false set, then the picture would be good. She left the studio without saying a word, and I thought I had offended her, and lost several dollars ; but before many hours were past the lady returned, and, taking her seat in the chair, asked me for the false teeth. I was astonished, for she had been out and had all her upper teeth extracted. As luck would have it, my eabinet-nf-beauty set litted her mouth nicely, and she was so charmed with them that she insisted upon my selling them to her. I charged her a big price, for they were my pet teeth ; but she paid it, and what's more, ordered a large lot of photographs. You can bet her mouth was open from ear to ear in that pietnre, and you can't imagine how well the teeth looked. ' Yes, the frizzes and bangs arc in con tant use. Any number of young girls come in and wear them when they wish. One day a bald-headed man came in, and after looking over the cabinet of beauty, said he wondered how he would look with hair on his head. I did not have a wig, so we fixed him up one made of bangs. There's his picture now, hanging there,' and the photographer pointed to a photograph of a man with a most peculiar looking head of hair.' A MATTER OF TASTE. ' There are a great many photographers who won't uss these shams. They prefer to touch up the negatives. There is a method by' which you can fatten people out by simply touching up the plate. You can shave oft" a swelling or lessen a double chin or cut down a long neck. The picture may not be a first-class likeness, but it certainly makes a beautiful photograph. I have seen ladies with crane-like necks havo their photographs taken, and the photographer put some lace around the neck or shorten it in other ways, and the picture is beautiful. Of course that lady goes back and has others taken. One man came in here with the mumps. Of course I did not know he wanted the picture taken on that account, and so I retouched the negative and cured the mumps; and—would you bolieve it ? —he refused to take the photographs because they did not show him with the mumps. ' The .best way is to come natural. That's why actresses take such pictures. They allow you to posture them as you please. If you twist a lady's head she gets mad ; while an actress will allow herself to bo twisted and tuned and poised and arranged as much as you wish. It's a pleasure to take them, for you are sure of a good pic ture. But deliver me from ministers! Of all the cranky ones they are the crankiest. They are never satisfied—stiff and disagree able, and their photos never suit. Ladies come in here with their hair done up in the most outlandish styles, and then complain and ask for another sitting, because their hair is not done the way they are accus tomed to. As if we did up their hair ! Then, when we ask them to stand up a little, they complain, " I never stand up so straight;' and next day, when they see the proof, they say, "Oh ! how humpbacked they have made me." It's 110 use to tell them you told them to stand straight; they only answer, " I did not know I was stoop ing so." No amount of retouching^ the negative will straighten up these.'—Balti more American.

Cure of Congenital Blindness.

Baltimore Qascttc,

About tliroo years ago J. P. Humbry, of Now Hope, Va., a graduate of the Staunton Institute for the Education of the Blind, was relieved of congenital blindnoss by an operation performed in this city. The restoration of eyesight is so complete that he, on his return home, was aWo to kill two small birds from a high tree with a shot-gun, and that he. now studies the reading o£ small print in the natural way, while formerly lie could read only by passing his fingers over raised typo. The scene of seeing his aged mother and his friends for the first time in his ifo he describes as very touching.

Making Things Pleasant for 'Em.

They hail remained standing: but now he drew Mrs Elliot, to the low easy chair and forced her to sit down, then standing in tront ot her, prepared to listen. The old lady had not had a real story to tell for ninny a day, her infirmity shutting her oIF from a competent knowledge of the little dramas ;hat went on under her eyes. Thus she might have enjoyed considerable prolixity o£ detail; but she felt for Alan, whoso face wore a look of actual physical pain. "It was more than a year ago," she began, folding, and unfolding her little plump hands as they lay in their lap. " I had no. idea that Kathcriue was receiving visitors in here at this time of day, and I came down to get a book. I opened that door wide. Then I saw—they were stand ing just there. Ho—ho—he—had—his— iu-m—abou't-r-hcr ! Her head was on his shoulder." Alan turned away, and the old lady quite broke down. "Excuse my giving these details," she said with agita tion ; but in order to—" "No matter. Go on," almost shouted Alan. "Of course the position of things was1 as clear as could be. I never saw Katherine like that, even with Mr Warrington. Well, well, to proceed. Mr Truax saw me, and whispered to Kate who raised hor head. ' I see it all,' said I, ' You need not say a word, my dearest child. You arc engaged to be married. I wish you tind Mr Truax joy, 1 do with all my heart.' I went up and kissed them both. I was so overcome I hardly knew what I was doing. Katharine grew very red, and walked over and sat down in that chair; but Mr Truax gave me his hand and said, ' She has pro mised to give up her trip to Europe.' I felt hardly able to speak; so I turned round and went out and upstairs. There on the landing I met the two little angels, just drosssed, and looking so beautiful. I thought Mr Truax. ought to see them at once; so I took them from the nurses, and leading one by each hand, brought them in. Mr Truax had gone over to Katherine and stood with his hand on the back of her chair, leaning down, talking and laughing. ' 0, sir !" I burst out, almost crying, it all seemed so affecting, ' I have brought down these sweet children of Katherine's to kiss their dear father.' But while I spoke I felt sure that I had made a mistake. Katharine looked dreadfully annoyed; while Mr Truax colored and bit his lip and kept per fectly silent. Presently, however, aa it he felt he must resign himself to circumstances he half laughed, sat down and beckoned to the children ; and Maud ran and climbed up on his knee. He pushed the fair hair from her forehead and kissed her, saying a few words I could not catch, then set her down, patted Davy on the head, and in obedience, no doubt, to some word from Kate, rang the bell and sent for ho-nurses, who took the children away. I assure you, Dr Ford, I followed them/ Alan, ill spite of his .feelings, could not resist smiling. If the lovers had not con sidered Mrs Elliot's intrusion to be an inter ruption, it was evident that the incident struck him in that light. " I suppose it all showed deficient tact on my part," said the old lady conceding the point: " but when a man marries a widow—" "He has not married her yet. But there seems little doubt that they are en gaged." " Katharine is in love with him, I am sure ; but when I think of the way he looked at those two beautiful children, I—" — From " A Lesson in Love," the new "No Name Story."

A Noble Perpetual Curate.

Lord Mulgravc, eldest son of the Marquis of Normanby, and brother-in-law to the Earl of Ellesmere, has developed very High Church principles. ' Notwithstanding his prospects as heir to a title and property, he is in orders, and is perpetual curate of St. Mark's, Worsley. Here last week ho re ceived a considerable number of clergymen holding the same opinions as himself, for the purpose of spiritual meditation and the consideration of clerical matters. The gathering seems to have been held some what similarly to the retreats muchin vogue among rigid Roman Catholics, conversa tion on secular subjects being forbidden, many hours spent in meditation and prayer, and the only recreation permitted being reading aloud every day for a certain num ber of hours by different members of the temporary community. The clergy assemb led on this occasion were from all parts of the country, and were, of course, of the ex treme High Church principles. Some of these gentlemen were received and hospit ably entertained by Lord Mulgravc at his own residence ; the rest had lodgings in the town ; but all met in one room or hall dur-, ing the day.—" London World."

The Spider's Balloon.

Wonderful Power Which the In sect Possesses.

In speaking of the intelligence displayed by birds and beasts, Scth Green argued strong ly in favour of the reasoning power of in sects especially, and related from liis own experience the manner in which a spider constructs a balloon. If you anchor a pole in a body of water, leaving the pole above the surfacc,and put a spider upon it,he will exhibit marvellous intelligence by his plans to escape. At first lie will spin a Web sev eral inches long and hang to one end while he allows the other to float off in the wind in the hope that it will strike some object. Of course this plan proves a failure, but the spider is not discouraged. He waits until the wind changes, ana then sends another silken bridge floating off in another direc tion. Another failure is followed by seve ral other similar attempts, until all the points of the compass have been tried. But neither the resources nor the reasoning powers of the spider arc exhausted. He climbs to the top of the polo and energeti cally goes to work to construct a silken balloon. He has no hot air with which to inflate it; but he has the power of making it buoyant. When he gets his balloon finished he does not go off on the mere supposition that it will carry him as men often do, but he fastens to it a guy rope, the other end of which he attaches to the island polo,, upon which he is a prisoner. He then gets into his corial vehicle, while it is made fast, and tests it to see whether its dimensions are capable of the work of bearing him away. He often finds that he has made it too small, in which case he hauls it down.takes it all apart, and constructs it on a larger and better plan. A spider has been seen to make three diflirent balloons before he be came satisfied with his experiment. Then he will get in, snap the guy rope and sail away to land as gracefully and as supreme ly independent of his surroundings as could well bo imagined. Mr Green stated that had repeatedly witnessed such actions by spiders, and he feels convinced that it is reason, with which the Creator of all things endowed the animals, that enabled them to free themselves from their prison. —" Kockester Democrat."

A Story of Jenny Lind.

In 1847 Guila Grisi and Jenny Lind were singing in London, but at different places. Each star struggled to outshine the other, and. those who one evening went into ecstacies over Grisi's "Norma" were the next evening enraptured with Linfl's " Casta Diva." Such was the rivalry that it was not expected that they would sing together in a public concert. But Queen Victoria, thinking it a shame that two singers so eminent should be separated by a petty jealousy, requested both to appear at a court concert. Of course they complied with the request. The Queen cordially welcomed them together for the first time, j She then gave the signal for the concert to begin. As Jenny Lind was the younger of the two it had been arranged that she should sing first. With perfect confidence in her powers, she stepped forward and began. But, chancing to glance at Grisi, she saw the southron's malignant gaze fastened upon her. The fierceness of her look almost paralyzed her. Her courage left her, her voice trembled, and everything before her eyes darkened. She became so faint that she nearly fell. By the utmost exertion of her will, however, she succeeded in finishing her aria. The painful silence that followed its conclusion—a silence ever noticeable where those present are embar rassed—convinced her she had made a failure. The conviction was confirmed by the triumphant expression on Grisi's coun tenance. Despite the semi-torpidity of her senses, she realized that the failure meant lost glory, the destruction of her happiness, and the mortification and grief of her parents and friends. Suddenly something it seemed like a voice from heaven whispered: "Sing one of the old songs in your mother tongue." She caught at the idea as an inspiration which had flashed into her mind between the termination of the vocal part of the aria and the accom panist's final chords. She, unnoticed by the company, asked him to rise and took the vacated seat. For a few seconds she suffered her fingers to wander over the keys in a low prelude, then she began to sing. Her selection was a little prayer, which, in the long ago, she had loved above all other songs in Tier childhood's repertory. She had not thought of it for years. As she sang, she was no longer in the presence of royalty, but in her fatherland, surrounded by those who listened not to criticise. Not one of those before her understood the words of the "prayer," but the plaintive ness of the melody and the i-. :pired tones of the pure, sweet voice brought the moisture to every eye. There was the silence of admiring wonder. When, having finished the "prayer," she lifted her mild blue eyes to her rival, whose flaming orbs had so disconcerted her, she found no fierce expression on her countenance, but instead, a tear diamonding the long, black eye lashes. A moment after, with the impul siveness characterizing the children of the tropics, Grisi rushed to Jenny Lind's side, placed her arm around the girl's neck, and kissed her, regardless of the lookers-on. — "New York Sun "

Famous Slaps in the Face.

The other evening, at a musical party given at'Willis's Kooms, a celebrated pianist had a 'friend to turn over the leaves for him. The friend, perchance turning two sheets instead of one, felt suddenly the hand of the pianist in a most striking attitude des cending in the face —of all his good inten tions. The consternation of the assembly, who rose like a man, could not change a fait accompli; but I would sincerely advise my celebrated friend to turn over a new leaf himself, and to understand that while, he is in England he would do better to abide by the law of civilization. "Grattez le Kusse," said the Marquis de Custine, "et vous trouverez le Tartare." Iv Russia they beat their servants, probably their friends ; and I have myself seen the Governor of Tauris slapping the face of a postmaster right and left, and most funnily saying at the same time, " Phraso pokor nisha (I beg most humbly). Nor have I forgotten that years ago at Vienna the Grand Duke Constantine would, most unnecessarily, at a review on the Glacis, have a, battery of guns passing a ravine. Prince Windischgratz opposed the absurd fancy ; and the Grand Duke accus tomed to the ways of llussia, slapped his face. The prince instantly drew his sword; and it was only the rapidity of the Duke's horse and interposition of the Emperor, who sent the Grand Duke instantly away, which saved him from finding out to his cost what it meant to insult an officer and a noble man.

Aching for a Row.

One day, as a policeman was leaning against the walls of the Detroit and Milwaukee depot, he was approached by a man! about thirty years old whose red face was a good match for his hair. Hewas a little 'sprung,' and he felt like a steer turned into a clover field. 'Mister,' said he, speaking very confidentially to the officer, ' I doirt want to get locked up, and have my name in the papers, and bo fined ; but I'm from lowa on a little blow-out, and I'll give a ten-dollar note to have a little scrimmage with some body.' You mean you want to fight?" asked the officer. 'That's what I mean. I'm just aching for a row. I want to stand before about three good fellows, and have someone give mo the word go in. 1 The officer asked if he was heavy on the fight, and he answered, ' Heavy ! I should say I was ! Why, I'm terrible ! They call me the Russian Bear at home, and the hull town stand up or sit down just as I say !' The officer said that it was his duty to discourage disorderly conduct, but in a case like that, where a man had come a hun dred-and-twenty miles to get up a row, he felt it his duty to extend indirect aid. He told the Russian Bear to go to the corner of Beaubien-street, enter some saloon, talk in a very loud voice and he'd soon have his hands full. 'That's me j much obliged,' exclaimed the man, and he walked off. In about ten minutes a boy came running down, and said that a man with a chewed , ear, two black eyes, and a broken nose, was 'up there 'in the ditch. The officer went back with the boy, and he soon came upon the Russian Bear, who was lying in the gutter, one leg doubled back, blood all over him, and his coat ripped in every seam. ' That's you, is it ?' asked the officer, as he pulled at the man's ami. ' Well, did you find that row?' Policeman,' replied the man, as he gained his feet, and looked at himself, and felt for his ear, 'Policeman, don't it seem to you as if I did T—Detroit Press.

" How did you like the lectute ?" " Oh, it was beautiful!" "What did he say!" "Oh, he said so many beautiful things!" "Tell us some " "Oh, he said—he said— but I can't tell it to you as he said them !" " Tell them as you understand them." " Well, he said—he said—oh, 1 can't!" "Tell us one thing he said." "Well, he said that the aesthetics of existence enable us to—to—oh, I can't!" "Tell us what you think he meant." " Oh, go along, Why didn't you go and hear him yourself?"

Physical Degeneration.

Decreasing Size of the English People.

A correspondent of the Manchester Guardian referring to the statement that British heads are smaller than they used to be, and to the idea that this diminution in size is caused only, or chiefly, by the greater educational pressure of our days, says : "I should like to point out that there is good reason to fear that diminution in the sjze of the skull is but part of a decrease in the size of the whole of the skeleton which appears to be rapidly taking place in this country, It would be strange if such a change did not take place. For while the English climate is very favourable to the vigorous growth of those people who breathe pure air and take a great deal of exercise out of doors, ,it is more unfavourable than almost any other climate to the growth of those persons who do not breathe pure air, and do not get much out-of-door exercise. In the last half century every year a large proportion of the population has been placed under conditions which prevent it from getting exercise and pure air. Half a century ago almost all children could stretch their limbs in rough exercise on Sunday and week days. Now that our towns are so large there are hundreds of thousands of children and yoimg people who have no place to play in but the streets, and when they begin to play roughly there the police inter fere. Boys who will not' have their play stopped too often become " scutticrs." Boys who are more easily discouraged, are, I believe,_ often driven into public-houses and music holla, . and the habits of drinking, gambling, smoking and others which they learn there are not conducive to physical and moral growth. The result of the community s madness in not providing play-grounds and public gymnasia (open every day) in every town, and of boys being realty forced to pass time in drinking and smoking is that in every town there are now large numbers of undersized men unfit for hard work of any kind. In no other country in Europe, I believe, are so large a proportion of the inhabitants markedly inferior to those of the best type as in England. The connection between badly grown bodies and badly grown minds and souls is so close that it is astonishing that all religious people: do not join in asking the town councils to provide play grounds, playiields and gymnasia. If such places existed, aud boys and young men were not merely allowed but encouraged to use them on Saturday and Sunday after noons—smoking not to be allowed in them —Manchester and Salford would have a much better chance than they now have of possessing plenty of large-hearted as well as large-headed inhabitants in the future. But many religious people apparently believe that days of rest are not made for men, but that men are made for days of rest, and they therefore allow a great part of the people of our towns to be the victims of Sunday.

A Wonderful Man.

BEECHER at 68 is really a most wonderful man. He has a degree of vitality which resists the advance or years, but his infatu ation with the Peekskill bubble show how little he has learned by experience. His removal from Brooklyn and sale of his homestead are blunders which a little com mon sense would have prevented, but com mon sense is not one of the endowments of genius. His recent appearance as a match maker, as revealed in the Pond divorce case, is another illustration of that inexplicable weakness which occasionally mark his cha racter. Mrs Pond testifies that Beecher sent her a §40 dollar telegram, urging her to marry the man whom she had rejected, the plea urged by the clerical intercessor being that the lover was sinking from the effect of disappointment. Pond is Beecher's lecture agent. A man of common sense would have declined interfering with Ids agent's love matters. Pond at present would have been grateful had Beecher pur sued such a course, for the telegram changed the woman's mind, and now Pond is sick of his bargain. His suit for divorce is unsuc cessful, except to display Beecher's skill as a match-maker. In some way or other Beecher must make himself ridiculous. It is part of his destiny, and we must take him as he was given us, since it is evident that it is [impossible to make him over.— Hermit, in Troy 'Times,

A Countess in the Circus.

London Olobe. One of the prettiest of the ecuyeres or lady riders at the Hippodrome has met with a tragic end. Her name Avas nut on the bills as Mademoiselle Fanny Gyika. Some said that the coronet of Countess embroidered on her saddle and trappings really belonged to her, while others declared that they had been assumed with the same readiness as that which transformed the commonplace Sally Scroggins into Ada de Montraorency, for stage purposes. Death has torn aside the veil,'and the unfortunate lady, who died on Tuesday, was not only a real Coun tess, but the wife of a very wealthy gentle man holding an important appointment at Bucharest. He was present at the funeral, and ho took greatly to heart the death of the lady, who was only twentyrfour, and at the very zenith of her beauty when she met with the accident which ended fatally.

Hers was one of those wild and roving dispositions more suited to the gipsy camp than to domestic duties. She lefther hus band and wandered from circus to circus, refusing every offer to .return home. At last she came to Paris and made an engage ment with M. Zidlev of the Hippodrome. Just a week ago she made her last appear ance before the public. She was riding her favourite charger, Sultan, and after putting him through his paces, she galloped? round the arena to receive the applause of the audience. Somehow the horse backed or shied at a handkerchief and unseated his rider, whose foot got fast in the stirrup. She was dragged for some distance, and when taken up had to be conveyed to the hospital with a compound fracture of the ankle. She was told that she must lose her leg, but she refused to undergo the operation, preferring death, "which super vened through mortification of the injured limb within a few days.

How to Make Curls.

Henry Poujol, "ex-hairdresser to the Paris Jockey Club," writes to the New York " Sun as follows:—I read in the "Sun" of Wednesday that several young ladies of Brooklyn would like to know how to keep their hair curled. This is the way: Separate the hair into small locks and roll them around a small hand of paper. Then twist the two ends of the paper together, and to each one of these locks apply a slightly heated iron. Do this at night and in the follo-\ying morning, and you will find the hair decidedly curled. If it is too much draw the front down to the eyebrows, and keep it in place with an invisible net. By doing this, mademoiselles, your hair will keep its curl and you will \be elegantly coiil'ed for the whole day. . :

He Was With Livingstone.

New York Tribune.

Just outside the limits of Youngstown, 0., lives a well-preserved man of 60 named George Glazzard, who is now engaged in the unromantic task of developing a small coal mine, but can look back to a period in, his life when every day brought some new and strange experience. He believes that he is the only man now living in this country who in 1863 and 1864 was a companion of Dr. Livingstone in his African explorations. He has still a vivid sense of the great explorer's kindness and humanity, as well as of the perils through which he passed. He relates experiences with lions and serpents which are fully up to the prescribed African stand ard. For instance, a member of the com pany on one occasion killed a snake which was forty feet long, and which at the mo ment of dissolution was engaged in the pleasurable occupation of digesting an ox which it had swallowed whole, The most dreadful experience, however, which Mr Glazzard was called upon to endure was when a party of Kaffir women, each wearing a gigantic smile, but nothing else, came out to received the benediction of the white man. He was perfectly willing to oblige them until he found that they wanted to be kissed and would not take no for an answer But discretion warned Mm not to refuse, and they received tho coveted blessing.

BITS OF FUN.

The large number of comets recently dis- j covered is explained. Some mischievous "[ little angels are catching the stars and tying ': tails to them. ; If Weston, the walker, will come to this ,; country and attempt the feat of fasting for 250 days his recent sixty-seventh disgrace- : ful failure in London will be forgiven. " Oh, I can't bear that Simpkins girl, she is such a dumpy thing!" exclaimed Mrs Fogg. "Why dear," said Fogg, "I don't think she is at all dumpy." "My love," . rejoined Mrs F., with a withering look, " did you ever see a tall dumpy ?" Fogg is convinced that punning is the lowest form of wit. "Well, my little man, said a school com mitteeman to one of the bright curly heads of the class, " you expect to be President some day, I suppose." "Well, I shall lay my pipes in the Board of Directors for it;" and the committeeman remembered his own experience in getting elected President of a '■ land grant and railroad company." "I was going," said an Irishman, "over Westminster bridge and I met Pat Hei,yins. ■ Hewins,' said I, 'how are you?' 'Pretty well,' said he, 'thank you, Donnelly.1 'Donnelly !' said I, ' that is not my name.1 Faith, no more is mine Hewins' said he. So we looked at each other again, and sure it turned out to be neither of us and sure where's the bull in that now ?" There was quite a row in the Blue Light Coloured Tabernacle, between Uncle Mose ■ and Deacon Gabe Snodgrass. '' You w the biggest black rascal in Anstin," said Deacon Snodgrass. "You is a heap bigger one, responded Uncle Mose, placing his hand on the ivory handle of his umbrella. "Bred dern," said Parson Bledsoe, "you talk as if dar was nobody \ehe present 'ceptin yer- ; selfs." "Waiter," called the dissatisfied guest, " come here ; there's something wrong with this coffee; it tastes as though there was something in it." Waiter examines cnti cally. "Ah, yes; so there is, sir; maybe there's some real coffee in it, sir. Sent out by mistake, sir. Made for the cook's own table, sir." Goes out and returns with a brimming beaker of the old familiar saddle coloured. A scientist says, "A garter will cure cramps." He does not state whether it should be swallowed whole or cut up into small pieces and taken in the form of pills. "I had always supposed," said Mr Brud berby, twirling his eyeglasses with an air of resignation, " that the German was the richest of modern languages, but after I got married I discovered that the English was." Alas for the esthetic lingo! Theparagraph - had it: . "A New York girl said a picture was ' simply very very.'" The typesetter, getting his eye on this remarked, "There's some more blank careless proof reading!" So he set -it-up,"ANcw York girl said a picture was 'simply very well! This is not only too too, but utterly utter. y,' .; Not long since, in a Mississipi court, a coloured man sued a neighbour for damages for killing his dog. Colonel M—, defend ant's lawyer, called Sam Parker, coloured, .: to prove that the dog was a worthless cur for whose destruction no damages ought to be recovered. Colonel M—"Sam, did you ■ know this dog?" Sam—"Yes, sah; I wer' pussonally acquainted with • dat dog." - Colonel M—"Well, tell the jury what sort, of a dog he was." Sam— "He wer' a big, . yaller dog." Colonel M—'' What was he •good for?' Sam—"Well, he wouldn't hunt; he wouldn't do no yard duty) he ies lay 'round an' eat. Dat make'em call him what they did." Colonel M— "Well,-sir, » what did they call him?'V Sam—l'.-.-Dejr > called.him'lawyer,'sah." ■■ >V-'

Printed and Published by the Proprietor, Henry Brett, of Symonds-street, at his General Printing Office, Wyndham-street, in the Pro vince of Auckland, New Zealand. Saturday, September 10,1881.

STAR SATURDAY SUPPLEMENT, SEPTEMBER 10, 1881

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