DESCRIPTION OF Perkins' Accidental Hotel and Museum, VULCAN AVENUE, AUCKLAND.

It Ls a mattei' of general remark by visitors to Auckland that its Museum contains little of interest considering the length of time the Institution has been in existence, and the opportunities afforded for making a collection. The paucity and meagreness of the exhibits are owing more to the apathy of the settlers, and the niggardncss of the Government, than to any want of assiduity or ability on the part of the officers in charge of the establishment. Many persons go away from Auckland with the idea that there is no collection of siv.:li hints natures and curiosities which the proximity of the " blessed isles of the Pacific," and the natural wealth of marvels indigenous to this part of the colony, would place within the reach of anybody with sufficient capital, judgment, and discrimination who wished to secure a reflex of the many natural wonders with which this part of the globe abounds. To enlighten such that are not aware that a very remarkable, interesting, and valuable collection does exist in our city, and to briefly describe it, is our object.

The private collection, or Perkins' Museum, as it is called, is ill the possession of Mr Edward Perkins, the Prince of Publicans, and is housed in his Occidental Hotel, Vulcan Avenue, leading from Queen-street. These directions are only meant for the outer barbabian, for no resident of Auckland exists who could not find the place blindfolded on the darkest night, or does not know the bonny face of the Boniface.

The Perkins' collection is one of the most varied, hetfirogenous, and interest ing in the world, for though it does not contain any such stupendous exhibits as the Elgin marbles, the Assyrian relics, or the cumbrous antiquities to be found in the British Museum, it can challenge the Smithsonian Institute or Barnum's to show more absorbingly interesting specimens of the pictorial art, defunct wonders, and c' mical conceits. If it lacks the chuncks of stone with hard names from the tae piiocine, myocine, or tertiary formations with, which most museums are filled, and which are caviare to all but a few dryasdusts, or would-be cognoscenti, it amply makes up for the deficiency by the plenitude of its curiosities which enchain the attention, and cannot fail to amuse or instruct. Some may take exception to the fact that Edward, who is the curator and custodian of the institution, has not classified, numbered, nor catalogued the articles in his museum, but it may be remarked, that where he has named anything, the boldness of his nomenclature and tiie finality of his decision would appal Agassiz, Haast, Hector, or any of the other lesser lights of the scientific world. For instance, he has labelled some substance, spherical and ovarian in form, as " A Mermaid's Egg." Had the gentle Edward left the spectator to exercise any judgment as to the nature of the exhibit, it would doubtless have led to much uncertainty and useless speculation, so his bold assertion places the matter beyond doubt, and saves much trouble. With such a "guide, philosopher, and friend" one may feel safe in walking through the place and learning from him the nature of the exhibits on view. The value of the collection is not impaired by any narrow re striction or exclusive discrimination, for Mr. Perkins has availed himself of every source from which wonders may be drawn to complete his museum. Side by side with such natural Insns natures as the Cordyseps Robertsii, or Hepialus Virescens- —that inexplicable paradox of the vegetable and animal world, consisting of a plant growing from a caterpillar—may be seen curiaus belts and bags, woven by the simple-minded children of the South Seas, and caricatures of members of the colonial ring, or "talent." By a very easy transition one goes "from grave to gay, from lively to severe," from belts in which human teeth fi«nire conspicuously to exquisitely humourous American conceits, and from photograpits of theatrical celebrities to an undoubted two-headed calf and bottled snakes of hideous mien. The collection not only contains such marvels as are met with in these localities, but includes curious and interesting selections from many parts of the world. In fact Europe, America, Polynesia, and Onehunga have been levied upon for exhibits, and Perkins confidently asserts that with respect to the last named, " o'ny hunger " would induce the original possessors to part with them. America has lent her magnificent scenery, reproduced with wonderful accuracy and fidelity to nature, through the indomitable energy and matchless skill of Messrs. Bradly and Rulofson. England contributes her historical records and art treasures, and Polynesia her weapons and evidences of native skill. In fact, all sorts and conditions of men, all climes and zones, all nations and tribes, have had a hand in making up the grand sum total of the Perkins' omnium gatherum The savage, with an anthropological taste for baked Presbyterian or boiled Baptist, has toiled through the long summer days, under the vivid glare of the sun, on his reef-girt isle, to produce belts, spears, and necklaces to adorn the collection. The artist has held the mirror up to nature, and made the canvas glare with living fire t > "race the walls of the Perkins' hostelry. Heroes have fought, and conquered, aud died to enrich it with priceless mementoes of their heroism and devotion. Birds, beasts, and fishes have flown, roamed, "swam, and developed abnormal proportions and peculiarities to expose their little idiosyocracies and undue proportions to the gaze of Perkins' constituents. Perkins can show you the Declaration of American Independence, conceived, drawn up, and signed, in order to figure upon the walls of the Occidental. There is a letter from Lady Hamilton to Nelson, "the dearest husband of her heart," wishing England's great naval hero a safe issue out of all his battles, and a speedy return to his Emma's faithful breast. The Claimant has given an indemnification for the cost 7/^lb. of rump steak, 3^lb. of kidney suet, and 41b. of loin chops, and his own receipt is on view at the Perkins' House. There are Magna Charta in execrable Latin; the warrants to execute Mary, Queen of Scots, and Charles 1., armed with which Perkins could have sallied forth and beheaded those unfortunate monarchs ; the gazette containing the record of the death of Oliver Cromwell, that wonderful man whom the world has not yet decided whether to worship as a hero or revile as a canting hypocritical tyrant and scoundrel; the English Mercuric, with the account of what befel the Spanish Armada ; the Naves, with the day by day reports of the ravages of the Plague and Fire of London; rare old records detailing with quaint circumstantiality the deadly work of both enemies, in the vernacular of the period. There is a full, true, and particular accoiint of the last moments of Charles the Martyr, and the "chop at the King's Head," taken by the mysterious individual who performed that office, which so altered the current of English history. There are copies of the London Times, containing the despatches of Nelson after the Nile, of Collingwood when Trafalgar, was won and England lost her great defender. One paragraph tells how the audience at the theatre on the news being received, cried for " Britons, strike home," and how a man called out " Damn it, they have ! haven't they?" In this curious collection of papers are the Times' account of the suppression of the Mutiny at the Nore, and the way in which the mutineers and the delegates were dealt with ; the funerals of Lord Nelson and the much-injured Queen Caroline; the newspaper records of the Battle of Waterloo and the execution of Louis XVI.; besides scores of prosaic records of events that now are gems in the most glorious epoch of English history. Upon entering the passage of the museumical hotel, or hotellic museum, one pounces right upon exhibits of interest; for the place is as full of curiosities as a dog is of fleas. The independent declaration of the fearless band of men who defied King George and all his works, first strikes the eye, and it is painfully apparent that some of the heroes couldn't write worth a dam; and Ben Franklin, even, might have taken twelve lessons from Nicholson with profit. This is faced by Lady Hamilton's billet doux to Nelson. But for the writer being a lady of title, and sweetheart to a naval swell, we could have sworn she had indulged over night, for the caligraphy would bring discredit upon a spider that had got into an ink bottle. Above is a portrait of Tom Maguire, the man who has organised more companies to execute Shakespeare and tackle Momus than any other on the western side of the Atlantic. It bears his own autograph (for which Miss Carey longed, attached to a cheque), and is dedicated to Perkins. This is flanked by some Nevada scenery by Bradley and Rulofson, and lias under neath it a case of galvanotype medals of Scott, Byron, Shakespeare, and ot;;er notables. This is well worth the inspection of the student, and generally brings up Perkins's constituents, who gaze upon the well-known lineaments of England's illustrious poets as they wipe the froth from their beards on leaving the premises. How many of them reflect upon the stupendous fact, that none of the great dead there reproduced, ever drank Auckland beer, or knew a canon from a losing hazard. Contiguous to this, and still in the passage are—item, a portrait of the Prince of Wales in Masonic costume, the photo being a gift from either the Prince or the artist to Edward. Item, a bison's head ; very fierce and life-like. Perkins says he shot this bison. He says he prayed for power to overcome his enemy, but finding it did not come, he asked Providence not to aid the bison, promising that power that there should be a darned good fight. There was a tall struggle, and there is the head of the bison—ii stupendous memento of Perkins' prowess ! It is the head of a male bison : if it were that of a female it would be Perkins'; for it would be the head of the bisoness. But this is levity and we get on to life-like portraits of Joe Murphy, Johnny Hall, and some very gallant American officers. Close by are two terrific trotting races between George M. Patchen's Brown Dick and Miller's Damsel, and Goldsmith's Maid and Smuggler, and the Lingards as "The Two Orphans," a photograph that cannot be seen too often —more levity. High up is a view of Sydney, so true to nature that one fears small pox, and fancies bad smells. Here also is a reminiscence of one of the best and most legitimate sells ever worked in these latitudes. It is a raffle list bearing 507 signatures, the prize being a DIMIiAND PIN. As the list met the eye, of course the victim thought he was going in for a Diamond Pin, and would part his "Colonial Robert" with alacrity. The coin would then be spent at the bar, and he would be shewn the precious prize, viz., an American dime, value 10 cents, and a common brass pitu The sell was highly successful, for it was only human nature for those who were "had" to assist in roping- in other martyrs. Perkins sold one swell beautifully. Upon being asked to go in for a chance he said "yaas, I'll go in, but I object to your spelling." " Well," says Perk, " I went to school in my time, and that's how they spelt it." " Yaas," drawled the exquisite, "but there's a prejudice in favour of spelling it properly." "Well," rejoined Edward, appearing nettled, "I'll bet it's right according to Webster, and I'll stake a bottle of cham on it." "Done," said the other, scenting Roederer on the cheap. The bet was made, and then the small E was pointed out to Mr. Swellford, who had to "part." 360 persons took chances in one day. The list was afterwards photographed, and 5,000 copies circulated throughout the colonies. Turning from the contemplation of this evidence of a , master intellect, one's mind is relieved by a view of the Hawaiian Hotel, Hono lulu, in which hostelry in the days of the early Kameahamas one could call for cold Kanaka or hot roast missionary, with whalers' ribs to follow. Over head is a model of all the tools known to artizans, except a set of props and a poker deck, •which have evidently been inadvertently omitted from the list of industrial implements. Miss Rose Etting, in one of her well-known characters, completes the series in the passage, and we turn into the

BAR PARLOUR. In this room—a cozy snuggery—is the principal collection of oil paintings, many of which would do credit to a national gallery. There is one called " The Death," attributed to the celebrated Morland. Perkins says he hr.s been offered large sums of money for this. Towards early morning he is inclined to largely increase the price put upon it. Once, towards the small hours, gazing fondly to wards the picture, he exclaimed, " I was offered /500 for that painting." " Why didn't you take it ?" said a bystander. "Well," rejoined Edward, " I was just going to do so, when I woke up !" Joking apart, it is a fine painting, representing the death of a fox. The gallery is rich in animals—especially fine dogs, depicted with life-like fidelity. Two terriers —types of their breed—are engaged in rat hunting, and watch, with feverish anxiety, by a trap, in which are two rodents! On the other side, they are outside a rabbit-hole, " waiting," ".watch in'." The attitude of the dogs is good, the engrossing anxiety being well depicted. They are genuine masterpieces, by Mr. Field, of London, worth 200 <mine*s There are two other smaller pictures. with likewise terriers in pursuit of came for subjects. So life-like are these animals, as transferred to canvas, that no rat ever enters the room so long as the lights are up ; and even "Tiger," the cat of the establishment, fancies he hears "scat' behind him when he looks up to them For other studies we have two retrievers—one with a bud and the other with a rabbit—fine pieces of animal painting. These bear Rjgg's well-known j signature. Two horses are also excellent specimens el aiiuntu painting, /s. Jiule 1 sketch in oil, "Feeding the kids/ is a picturesque subject, well executed, warm) j£ t$«W an 4 tons, and. well \vors mjniu^ infection, 'J'JKi &$§ gtf of &§ gea.i j

persuasion. This is on the eastern wall of the room, and with it are the Morland before mentioned. Three coloured photos,.cabinet size, of Mr. and Mrs. Hoskins, and one of Mr. Hoskins and Mrs. B. N. Jones in the " .Serious Family." Under neath is a sea piece by Stanfield, a very effective, though sketchy little study, after

that great master's best style. Close by is the " Reading Magdalen," evidently a young girl, whiling the time away with a book till her washing comes home. Next is a humourous conceit, a happy drunkard, who, mistaking a pig for a bed-fellow, cries, "Lie closer, brother." Two cats, courting on the tiles, after the fashion of amorous humans, is in keeping with the last-named exhibit ; and it has for companions, photos of Mr. and Mrs. Johnny Hall, taken some years since.

Johnny declares he " tuk kold tast night selling fans in an ice house." Between the eminent comedian and comedienne is a photo of the barque " Harriet McGregor," alongside the wharf at Ilobart Town On the south wall are a street sketch, " The First Whiff," a very sick and repentant neophyte at ■smoking, being teased by a number of stronger - headed hoodlums, and two heads of Scotch terriers, exquisitely drawn, which flank the portrait in oil of the proprietor. Phis is after Reynolds, a long way. The artist is Mr. Calder, and it is called a good likeness. It is so much like Perkins that the wonder is it does not come out from the frame and persuade one to go in for a sweep. Underneath, still on the south wall, are three views in oil of Whangarei harbour and vicinity, and two funniments, "Childhood's Hours," and "What are the Wild Waves Saying?" both broadly humorous. "The .Seasons," another laughable sketch, Gus. Williams' New Year Card, a memento of that celebrated artist, a portrait of Mr. Providore Rylands, and a case of Fiji "green backs," almost complete the list of things on this wall. The Fiji reminiscence makes men from that blessed

isle sigh when they think of the good old times when they were in vogue, and Woocis ruled the roast at Bau, before Thakambau, by the Grace of God, King of Fiji, was a miserable pensioner of the British Crown, and when gin and euchre were the principal articles of commerce. There are Sturt's and Armstrong's and those bold Yankees, Lazarus and O'Donnel's signatures to promises to pay 6(1., the autographs alone being worth many times that .".mount now-a-day. Little did those eminent men think, when they condescended to se:ve drinks and put their invaluable signatures to paper currency in exchange for paltry silver, that they would arrive at their present proud position and own land at Siga Toke and supply dusky legislators with "groceries." "Ah! said Sinclair, when recently on a visit to Auckland, on viewing the case, " then a man could lick his own nigger, and assorted Tokolau labor only fetched sixty dollars a-head. Lago mi bull ama kali siga licka la ; a cava ogo ?" and he fetched a deep sigh. The last exhibit on the south wall to be_ noticed is a case containing photographs of 120 celebrities, mentioned hereafter. Coming to the west wall we find, high up over the window, a series of carica tures of betting men by Lascelles, the prince of pictorial satirists. The artist has given excellent likenesses of the members of the " talent," but has brought some peculiarity into prominence in the most exquisitely ludicrous fashion. Next is an immensely valuable picture, an oil painting, said to be by Landseer. If so (and Mr. Perkins has a very probable history attached to it), it is a rough sketch of the great animal painter's picture of "Low Life." It represents a broad-chested, heavily jowlecl dog, evidently waiting for his master. A long " clay," pair of top boots, beer pot, hat, and bottle are introduced with marked effect. The dog is a fine piece of drawing, and if it is not the original, it is a splendid copy. One of a few of pictures illustrating the illicit loves of Hugo and Parisana, told by Byron, is on this wall, as well as another case of celebrities, and the three sporting oils referred to before. On the north wall, in addition to the four dog studies already described, are two splendid sketches by Church, of New York. In one frogs are having a game of leap frog by moonlight, and in the other they are doing a daring act of acrobatism. Both are distinguished by a cleverly pourtrayed affectation of a human style adopted by the batrachians. "Home, sweet home," is another humourous and clever little conceit. A frog is doing the doles far nicnte under a toadstool. We must not forget on this wall a fine sea piece by W. Wells, a very interesting sketch, showing good drawing and colouring. Turning with regret from this room, in which some time may be pleasantly and profitably spent, we come to the

DINING ROOM or Salle a Manger, as Perkins loves to call the apartment. Every available space on the walls and floor that would not take from the accommodation of the patrons of the hotel, who are specially numerous between the hours of 12 and 2 every day, is devoted to the exposition of some curiosity or work of art. One can here take a chop or steak, or any of the quaint and curious dishes- for the compounding of which Perkins' chef de cuisine, as he invariably calls his cook, is famous—and gaze upon a thousand varieties and natural wonders. There are enough in this room alone to fit out a dozen peripatetic side shows, and the eye is at first bewildered by the profusion of noticeable curiosities. Turn in whatever direction one will, something remarkable is seen ; monstrosities, marvels of patience and ingenuity, evidences of ultra-civilization and debasing barbarism, and works from the hand of the untutored savage and the cultivated art student. The pictures will, probably, first engage attention, and they are well worth close study. To do them systematically, we begin with the south wall, where is first a fine engraving, called " (Jut All Night." In the grey morning there is an English terrier creeping home to his slut and pups. He is a demoralized dog, and has evidently suffered defeat in an encounter for the favors of some canine beauty. His damaged eye is bound up, and he carries one paw in a sling. Mrs. Terrier is eyeing him severely, and evidently waiting an "explanation." She is plainly not prepared to accept the usual assurance that her lord and master ran against a lamp-post, or got injured in assisting to put out a fire. The expression of the two dogs ami the attitude of the sleeping pups are very good. Next to it is Perkins as he appeared to Messrs. Bradly and Rolofson's camera. It is—Perkins in repc.se ! Apropos of the portrait, though scarcely applicable to the subject, there is a good story told of a well-known legislator in South Wales who is inordinately fond of being pourtrayed. Of all the numerous likenesses, he fancied vastly one oil painting by a celebrated artist. He was showing this with some pride to one of the victims of his numerous financial failures. "Yes,'' said his friend, "it is very good, but not at all like you. You have your hand in your pocket." " Well, sir," said the statesman, "what difference does that make?" "Why," rejoined the oilier, "you'should have had it in some one else's." Pass we on to a splendid "proof before letters "of the Allied Annies before Sebastapool. This engraving is one of twenty struck off al fifty guineas each before the plate was destroyed. All the generals —Sir Colin Campbell, Field-Marshall Lord Raglan, whose funeral Perkins when a matelol attended, Marshall Canrobert, Prince Napoleon, Omar Pacha, and the principal officers commanding the English, French, and Turkish armies are well pourtrayed. Underneath is another case of photos. Lower still is one of the funniest little sketches in the collection. A lady is just opening her bedroom door, in which a cockatoo and a monkey have been shut up. Everything is in confusion. Vases and ornaments strew the floor, and the pair have evidently , been enjoying themselves and revelling in mischief. Cocky meets his astonished mistress with open wings, and says " we've had a h—ll of a time." The monkey with more cunningness is aware that the hour of retribution has come, and sib; on the pillow of the bed feigning repentance or innocence. His face is a peifect caution, simian sagacity being despicted to the life. Here are photos of the English cricketers ; a veritable butcher's bill of the Claimant. " The Egg Girl," a nice oil painting ; a cast of " The Feast of the Gods ;" a Yankee ilag in colored silks, some large cassis, a triton Australis, and Fijian pottery. On tin's wall too is a case of curiosities, the most valuable in the " Museum Perkinsonii." Spread out in suitable space, the contents oi the case would form a collection for a sight of which anybody would willingly pay the price usually charged for admission to many shows and public exhibitions. There are rare shells that would set English conchologists raving : priceless volutidic from remote islands and banks in the Pacific, lovely cyprea, rare conns, pleroceras with their digital horns, gay halioti, pretty cassis, parti-coloured land shells from the Solomon Islands, in fact all the beautiful shells found in the semi-tropical seas. Interspersed amongst them are scores of rareties : an ossified fish that exudes oil on having a light or heat put to it (presented by W. Swanson, Esq.); the wondrous vegetable caterpillar; the model of a Line Island chief shot in Levuka gaol, composed of the opcrculum of a inrbo : a piece of shell considered full dress by younjj ohieftainesscs ; bead work of savages ; specimens of madrepore; the nautilus ponipUiiis and its pearly chambers, so much valued by jewellers for brooches ; a necklace in which human teeth figure prominently ; cannibal forks (it not being considered etiquette to eat white man from the fingers); a bullet extracted from the leg of Captain Moir in Fiji ; gold specimens and ores ; a veritable cow fish ; boars' tusks : the Mermaid's egg; hippocampi, the seahorse from which so many fables have sprung ; some asbestos ; specimens of American greenback currency ; fibres used by savages for weaving, etc.; a coil of yarn woven from human hair, worn by young girls in the Gilbert and Ellice Groups as a token of virginity, and accepted by the simple minded savage as a plain proof of it ; a necklace of seals' teeth ; a wondrous silicated bird ; a pearl shell polished by Daniel Driscoll, of Auckland; the "What is it ?" a skeleton that would puzzle every sayan, not excepting Barnum ; some monstrous limpets ox patella ; the bark from a tree on Mount Sherman, the highest point on the Pacific railroad ; and many other curious relics and curiosities that would take too much space to describe here.

Outside hang two horns covered with portraits and designs by prisoners in Mount Eden Gaol during many a weary hour's incarceration. .Some governor seeing samples of the work prohibited it as contrary to the policy of prison disci pline, and calculated to militate against the deterrent effect of punishment for crime. Short-sighted potentate, he did not take into consideration , that the etching of those horns kept perhaps the imprisoned artists from brooding over their miserable condition and plotting mischief. He had no sympathy with human weaknesses, nor remembered that to err is human. Now-a-days prisoners form mutual improvement societies, and arc taught in jail to see that crime is a mistake, as well as a sin against society. The governor's prohibition of this harmless employment or recreation reminds us of a good story told of the governor of the jail in Hobart Town in the good old hanging days when a dozen men were strung up every day. One morning he came down to the yard where the usual number were waiting to be turned off. There was something the matter —some hitch in the proceedings—and the governor who was a fat, fussy little fellow, thus addressed the hangman —" What's the matter; what's the matter?" "If you please, sir," said the local Jack Ketch, "the drop won't work." " Oh, indeed," he cried cheerily, and clapping his hands, " never mind." (to the men on the platform), "jump off, my lads, jump off."

In the corner of this wall is a smaller case containing many exhibits—more beautiful shells, some American beaver's teeth, a New Zealand bed-fellow or tarantula, a splendid dancer who teaches in one lesson without fail, more hippo campi, a kiwi's egg bigger than the bird itself. The hen kiwi, it is said, has to hatch out its egg in sections, by sitting on part at a time. This case also contains the complete skeleton ola batman being, only ten inches long Had it lived Tom Thumb could have looked down upon it, and called it an insignificant little brat. Alongside is perhaps the most marvellous exhibit of the whole collection. We had better give the history of both in Perkin's own words :—During the researches of that well-known American traveller, Rokee, in Japan, he was informed of the existence of a vast cavern in the neighbourhood of Osaka, and near to Jerritomaso. Hearing likewise that the cave was an object of superstitious dread to the natives on account of some extraordinary circumstances connected with it, he determined to pay it an early visit, and accordingly the next morning found him in the cavern, after having traversed unknown and tortuous subterranean passages. He afterwards discovered that a stream of water which ran through the cavern found its way to the sea., and a further examination brought to light on either bank of the stream large number of Lilliputian figures, all of which, with the exception of these two in question, and which are now to be seen at the Occidental Hotel, crumbled to pieces on being touched. By some extraordinary freak of nature these two were preserved. Hearing of the extraordinary discovery the proprietor of the Occidental Hotel at once made arrangements to purchase the curios at a great expense, and had them forwarded here in the care of an American student named Seymour. This case also contains a walrus' tusk, and the celebrated eight-legged pig. Although this animal has double the number of legs usually allotted to piggy, "still it is not happy," and it is evidently quite indifferent to the "two bar" and Abolition questions. Coming to the west wall we find a fine oil-painting of the Golden Crown, by Calder, now running between Melbourne and Sorrento. The "unco' quid" of Victoria held prayer-meetings on the sands, and beseeched their God to sink this boat, because she ran excursions on Sundays ; but He didn't, which was not com plimentary to them. There are a number of views of the Centennial buildings at Philadelphia on this wall, which give a fair idea of the appearance of the great world's fair. Under the Golden Crown is a frame containing a series of pen. and ink sketches, by a Sydney artist. Several hundred heads and figures .are iutro citft&ri, iivx! there are a number of humnrous etchings all wejl executed. This .work m us will km w. ta!» feps?u«fii ml iPQßthlng $**& ft adw sati b<s founi

all the time. Glass cases containing well-stuffed specimens of pheasant shot in the vicinity of Auckland are on this wall, and a South Sea canoe, ornamented with cyprece moneta, besides some fine photographs of scenes in Calavcras county, California. High up is a large collection of island weapons, arranged with taste. There are spears tipped with human bones, poisoned and jagged, clubs, shields, waddies, swords, bows, arrows, &c. The idea conveyed by these weapons is that the South Sea Islanders are a warlike race, always fighting and battering each other a lot with these formidable things. To dissipate these erroneous notions we give the experience of a man well acquainted with one race of savages—viz., Dr. Parker, of Levuka, the Native Protector, a gentleman of keen research and great powers of observation, who says of the Fijians : —

A FIJIAN AS HE TS. Have the susceptible maiden ladies and gold-spectacled old gentleman of Exeter Hall, whose gushing sympathies condemn so many of Britain's " curled darlings" to inglorious warfare in our seas, where their advent is attended with periodical eruptions of gilt buttons and a healthy impulse to the millinery business and religious duties among the ladies, ever tried to realise what our black brother's normal condition is? Take a full-flavoured Fijian. He smells of Araby the unblest or some other unsaleable perfume ; has no filial instinct unless he happens to get paid for work in advance, when he finds himself impelled to visit his sick mother : listens to a moral discourse with the smug sanctity of a convict trying the " Converted Lay ;" considers a saint in sulu is twice a saint in shirt, and regene rates himself accordingly off the nearest clothes-line. He opines that white men were created to relieve him of the curse imposed on Adam. He was invented for the benefit of Darwin and Buckle. In eating, a boa constrictor becomes a rank imposter by comparison, and he sleeps in proportion. His intellectual recreations are catching fleas and pelting floating bottles. His forehead is retreating —so are his legs in war, when his policy is "masterly inaction," and annexing pigs and fowls on the line of march. He will steal Epsom salts sooner than let his talents rust; to Government money he says " siga;" carries a knife with which he eats and scratches himself alternately; never reads "Huxley on Protoplasm," but he sometimes has a knowledge of poker; gives unsolicited concerts at most unsea sonable hours. His pedegree is as complex as that of a decayed Irish gentleman, and he is usually related to one of the first families of Bau. He lubricates himself until he shines like a newly-polished office stove, and then loves to strike off copies of himself on wall papering and newly-painted surfaces. He roosts under verandahs when he holds caucus meeting to arrange the yam and fowl tariff; carries out the early-closing system in its integrity; visually drinks water, but when " sa mate" —gin ; and his health is always precarious. He can lie stupendously, gives no credit, and his 39 articles are—malua. At clearing a hen-roost I'll back him against any champion. Like the lillies of the field, he toils not, neither does he spin, but there the resemblance ends. He is a communist socially, a paradox politically, and a cuss generally. I dismiss him." On the north wall there hang two spirited oleos., representing children in a dog-cart. Their steed scents a rabbit, and begins a chase. In the second the dog comes up with his quarry, but the children are spilled about. A water-colour is near it, well executed ; and two photos, of the Hero's passengers and crew in quarantine at .Sydney Heads. Amongst the unfortunates are Mr. Frank Weston, the Wizard Oil Prince; Messrs. Bachelder, Eastwood, Logan, Captain Logan, and many other well-known individuals. The pictures recall pleasant reminiscences of the stir ring events connected with the incarceration of the unfortunates ; Frank Weston's escape from the police, and his re-capture and loud calls for the habeas corpus and Magna Charta as he was being marched off. They had a gbod time at the station, and published a paper called Logamana, after the brave mariner commanding the Hero, in which they abused the Health Officer and the tyrannical Government of New South Wales in vigorous Anglo-Saxon and United States languages. They were always threatening to "break out," and the Government were afraid they would, so they kept them there. A statuette of a hunter and his dog, in green marble, stands on the mantelpiece, and will repay inspection as a fine piece of miniature sculpturing. Some oleos., a fine plate of the Melton Meet, and a photo, of Mr. Pratt, the celebrated pianist, complete the series on this wall. The east wall contains some more oleographs, a series of views of the hot springs and lovely terraces at Rotamahana ; the Lick House and Occidental Hotel, San Fraucisco ; and the Centennial Building and grounds. Interspersed amongst them are some comicalities. A happy (?) father is being shown triplets by the nurse, and enquires anxiously, or satirically, " Did any of'em get away? A dog is inspecting a live lobster. This is called " Investigation." In the next picture his tail is grasped between the crustacean's claws, and doggy is traversing real estate at a deuce of a pace, no doubt recollecting an important appointment. This is labelled " Com'^r/zation." There are other funny sketches here that, as the showman says, must be seen to be appreciated. Leaving the pictures exhibits, we come to a large glr.ss case containing the wondrous two-headed calf, a picturesque monstrosity. Nature has dealt both prodigally and parsimoniously with this animal. Looked at ns a calf her se it may be proud of having two heads, two windpipes, two meatpipes, ami two backbones; but then it had but one set of entrails p.ml one pair of lun<*s, as if Fortune intended to be very liberal and ] then thought boiler of it. It has also only the usual number of legs, and but one j tail, so, had it lived, it would have had a lively time of it in the fly season With I the calf, which, we may remark, is full grown, is an infant cassowary, that once ' roamed the arid sands of Africa. As the poet sings—■

Where the gentle cassowary Roams the plains of Timbuctoo, There I ate the missionary, Coat and hat and hymn-book too. Beside this interesting bird is all that remains of Donato, the three-legged dog, once a well known character in Vulcan Avenue. Donato, named after the celebrated dancer of that name (who, by-thc-bye, had only one leg), was a general favorite, and when ran over by a cart in the street was universally mourned. With him are a number of buttles containing some hideous venomous snakes, a huge stinging ray's tail and spear, some ferocious iishes and other things, and on the top outside is an igiiano big enough to take a man up and sha'-te him. This case con tains many of the relics collected by My. Perkins during his tour through the western districts of America—the plague grasshopper of Kansas, that sits on its haunches on the fence smoking its pipe and fanning itself with its attention, and risks the farmer "when them darned crops are coming up?" the horned toad, the cam el eon, the gallinipper, or pinch bug, a tortoise, and Southern or Confederate bat, that voted with the " Solid South " during the election.

THE WESTERN BAR ilas some choice pictures, fit to adorn the walls of any drawing-room, as well as some good oleographs, done before the art was extended to the reproduction of anything at a cheap figure. Here also is the Star Company, rehearsing in the bud ; a spirited painting by George Perriman, valuable as a record of what the members oi the theatrical profession had to contend with in tiie early days. Framed likewise, are I—The American Excelsior Minstrels ; Barry O'Neill in his " changes ;" Holly in his varieties ; a second series of caricatures by Lascelles ; a monstrous lizard ; the leg-irons that confined the notorious murderer Jacky Jacky.j some oval cases of stuffed birds ; and, amongst many other rare curios, the GREAT SEAL! (Keeper of the Great Seal, Mr. E. Perkins). This extraordi nary animal was found imbedded in a small " IcKBERG," near the Coast of New Zealand, which floated, as is generally supposed, from the Artie Regions, across the Line through the Tropics. The seal was blown on this coast and captured, after an immense struggle, by the captain and crew of an Italian vessel named "Aliboshio," and sold at the Port of Manukaurio to Signori Camerino and Co. These Professors afterwards exhibited this wonderful animal at the Circusio Pavil liano to over 50,000 persons in one day, O ! After the animal had lived so long on suction, the notorious exhibitors thought it could always live on the same food* but it didn't. The proprietor of the Occidental Hotel purchased it for an immense number of scrip, and placed it in the hands of our skilful taxidermist, Signor Yandelio. At the time that Perkins first became possessor of this animal, the Italian Opera Company was performing in Auckland ; and, thinking to be in the fashion, he imported the foregoing description from an Italian warehouse, hence its maccarcmi-like flippancy.

THE HOTEL. Perkins first began hotel keeping in Auckland in the year 1870, A.D., not B.C. He was met by every kind of prejudice and opposition. It was not in mortal man or publican to see an unknown outer barbarian cut into a lucrative trade. Then, hotel keeping in Auckland consisted in selling drinks and keeping boarders; The Americans have a proverb, "The English are a good kind of people, but they can't keep a hotel." Perkins is an hotelkeeper by nature, and understands how to make his profession rank amongst the fine arts. It was freely predicted that he would not last three months ; but he has survived the opposition and lived down all prejudices, and now possesses one of the best hotels in Auckland. Not only has he established a first-class house, but he has rendered invaluable service to the city by the spirit of emulation he aroused in the breasts of the hotelkeepers here. They found his house so well kept, and so attractive, and so many inducements held out to all comers to visit his hostelry, that out of self-defence they had to fo hack on their old time system of doing business. The consequence is that, thanks to Perkins, we have a class of hotels that will bear favourable comparison with those to be found in any part of the world. This prince of hotelkeepers is not satisfied with giving a man a drink in exchange for his money. Pie will amuse him, instruct him, bewilder him, show him the latest invention, the greatest curiosity, give him his drink (of the very best quality from curious goblets) or make him acquainted with beverages he knew not before, entertain him with anecdote tell him the latest on dit, and very last bit of news. Everything about him and his house is progressive, novel, and appetising. Perkins' cook will give you chops, steaks and joints in a style to gladden the heart of John Bull; 'but if you prefer corn dodgers, quail on toast, fried chicken, hot crass, or any of the American dishes which remain in the system for about a month, they are to be had to perfection Plis drinks may be taken with safety, for he is an expert, experienced and indefatigable buyer. He is better known on street than the Mayor or the Sheriff's Bailiff. He is a "live " man, contributes to every charity, and is a member of the Choral Socieiy, though better known for "shouting" than singinp". In fact it is difficult to say what Auckland would do without him. Is it any wonder then that the Occidental is the daily resort of everybody? There may be found the merchant, the trader, the speculator, artist, literateur, sporting man, and even the loafer. In the Reading Room are filed all the papers a man needs to read Sporting, theatrical, provincial, foreign, local, scientific, technical, truthful and general, besides sporting lists, events to come, circulars, price lists etc ' etc There are many people in Auckland who would think the day lost without a visit to Perkins'.

HIS NEW PREMISES, Some may need informing that Perkins has annexed the next premises to his , hotel, and has there erected and beautifully decorated and furnished, a second bar and handsome blihard room. (There is no need to remind the police of th:s) The Billiard Rc/om is richly carpeted and hung with pictures, and contains two magnificent tables, one an English and Allcock's make, and the other a French- American carome table that is coming into popular favor very fast. The place is the resort day and night of lovers of the game, especially when the proprietor (who as is well known is the champion of Auckland) wields the cue. Tl le bar is superior in finish and attractiveness to any in this city, and is tended "(as in the other one) by a bewitching young lady, whose affability and pleasant demeanour add greatly to the value of liquids dispensed. The addition, of the new premises give him now a number of bedrooms, so that he can accommodate a number of boarders with a really comfortable home. There is no doubt but this part of the hotel will be constantly filled, for there is not a commercial or theatrical traveller or anybody in fact in Australasia, Europe, or America, who will fail to hail the chance of staying with so popular a host with pleasure. Perkins contemplates too putting an additional story on botn houses, for he has purchased the property from the centre of the earth to the sky (see deeds). The Occidental. also furnishes a capital place of address. All letters forwarded to persons whose whereabouts J uncertain are bound to find those for whom they, are intended ; and anybody in search of anybody else cannot fail to hnd him there during some time of the day

PERKINS' LIST OF CELEBRITIES. • Mr. Perkins possesses the largest collection of theatrical ;url other celebr.H^ in the southern hemisphere. Some hundreds—we may say thmisamls^f likened of public performers and men and women of note arp to be fom.i in his civ. And here it would be as well to remind members of the dramatic and musiV proMms that It is greatly to then- imere S t,to send tiwlc cartes -and JitbogmpK A« MiwiMli i?wMnaw&wr^ a£w*U by, pwa^ wsi w\ JJ

puts it in the cases or frames, and forthwith it there remains to be looked at recognized, and discussed lor all time. It is one of the most valuable advertise ments possible, wherever the original of the portrait may be, for the place is the resort of all classes, from all countries. If the exhibition of pictures is of any good (and who shall doubt it), the purpose is served by this means to the fullest eXtent* LIST OF CELEBRITIES LITHOGRAPHS (FRAMED AND GLAZED).

Ben MacGuinley Great Russian Athletes James Henwood Angel Schott Yokes Family Florence, comedian Anne Berger Leona Dare Laura Alberta Minnie Palmer Cora Adriana A. G. Wood Pat Rooney Frank A. Gibbons Lizzie Watson Harry Braham Mrs. Scott Siddons

T. M. Hengler Lurline Watson Wm. H: Pope Gus Williams Sol Smith Russell Les Petits Carlos Levy J. K. Emmet *' Hermann The Carlos Baker yj Farron J Professor McEvoy Billy Emmerson Harry W ratson and Lizzie Sherman Dampier.

CARTES DE VISITE.

Barry Sullivan Geo. Fawcett Rowe Jas. Williamson Maggie Moore C. L. Phillips C. L. Griffith Fanny Davenport Edwin Booth Mrs. John Woods Jennie Lee Little Nell Jeffrey Lewis E. L. Davenport Lester Wallack Charles Matthews John McCullough Frank Hewitt Christie, Champion Rifle Shot of Otago J. W. Walker, Champion Rifle Shot of New Zealand Harry Rickards Charley Verner Jenny Cowle Miss Bentley Bearded Lady Mr. and Mrs. John L. Hall -/ Miss Clifton Frank Weston J Frank Hussey Fanny Brown Fanny Carandini </ Rosa Carandini >i Madame Carandini v Adelina Patti Lottie Florence Colville n Mdlle. Zuilla Mr. and Mrs. Braham Harry Beckett Jas. A. .South Jno. Muir Rose Evans Dan Bryant Caricolle Billy Weston Mdlle. Cubas Harry Clifton Miss Ada Wells Papa Flcury G. YV. Rockefellow Lydia Tlioinpson Hattie Shepherd Miss Rose Massey Julia Matthews Rose Henderson J K. Emmett (Fritz)- y Richmond Thatcher La Belle Mons. Charles Sims Reeves Jem Mace Ben Cotton Little Ben Cotton Leotard Mr. Rogers, Comedian Joe Small j Spencer Family I Nod Thome Georgia Complete Set of Live Islanders, Fijians, Maoris, Kanakas, and Native Aus tralian Blacks The Boomerang R. J. De Lias -j Ben Jones C Hoskins .j Posse of French Beauties Group of English Turfites John Dunn Barry O'Keil Herr Schott Group of Officers, "Nevada ~ ~ "Nebraska" ~ Thames Miners ~ Coromandel,, ~ Ballaiat „ ~ Sandhurst ~ Lord Palmerston Hon. Jno. Bright Harry Edwards Swiss Bellringers Nell Performing Mules Performing Donkey Donkey Puzzle French Artistes Little Johnny Hall Major Heaphy 4 Colin Wood Ed. Burgess Bob Travers Maori Chief Marquis of Lome Two-headed Calf Lady Tichborne The Claimant Sir Roger Tichborne Captain Beckham Prince of Wales Duke of Edinburgh * Lady Mordaunt Sir George Grey ~ Marshal Pelissier Mon. Carlo Fred Carlo The Carlos Chang, the Giant -» J. L. Hall a R. G. Bachelder^and — Logan Frank Medina T. J. Brace Buddy and Holly Geo. Giddons Enderby Jackson Jas. Allison Snyder (Circus)

CABINETS.

Ben Heath J. I. Bartlett Donato Mrs. Chas. Matthews Young Carlo Agatha States Alicia Mandeville Lotta , Jenny Nye -J Fanny Sara Belen Cuba Gregory Troupe Lottie Troupe George Sezol John Harris John Collins Lewin Topley Bird Ed. Hare Edwards (Ped.) General Canrobert Sir Colin Campbell General Beauregard Dalmahoy Campbell Park Boulton and others Rev. Mr. Taylor, Collins-street W. T. Bray Fanny Carandini i Earl Pembroke Off to Dixie Ike Coleman Joe Thompson Jno. Bryant Jimmie Miller Jno. Wallace B. Thompson Harry Haines W. Fagan B. Coleman Loo Green Geo. Harper Saqui Joe Morrison N.S. Wales Sports Ike Lyons Ed. Hough Daddy Gardner Jerry P. Thomas George Thomas Mort Humphrey Michael Pheian George Pheian Dudley Kavanagh Sexton Maurice Daly Cyrille Dion Jas. Dion Gamier Rudolph Slosson Tony Craker Jas. Farquharson P. G. Beam Capt. Jas. Brooks Mrs. Hewitt Mr. Donaldson Annie Christu Goldschmidt Samuel Clayton Group of Resaca Officers Dr. Livingstone Stanley Omaha by Moonlight Charles Wheatleigh Rose Etting Saml. J. Tilden Thos. A. Hendwick Rutherford B. Hayes Wm. A. Wheeler Captain Tas. Ellis Geo. Ellis H. Promer II Drake' . , P. Butler —. Collins Frank Hill Ted Yule Geo. Belcher A. Sayer Aunt Elija's Letter Geo.' W. Cameron Leonard J. Cosgrave, Esq. 4 W. J. Hurst, Esq. Sir Geo. Bowen 4 Sir Hercules Robinson 4 Marquis of Nonnanby G. Yon der Hyde 4 * H. P. Barber Japanese Ladies Jno. Smith (Pro.) Jno. Smith's Latest Novelties—The Hairy Men The Eclipse Lucy the Lovely Steward and Stewardess ship "General Grant," " castaway on the Auckland Isles Xi Tore For Chop Little Alhight 4 Julia Richmond Matilda Sanford (dwarf) Horace Hartley May Innes Lucy Day De Castro Family Sig. Orlandini Black Crook Fleet Airec Grant Boys John and Jennie Morgan The "What is it ?" Transit of Venus Jennie Lee 1

Phil Kirhy Richmond Thatcher Fannie Claflin Emily Rigil Ristori Lotta Maurice Airnill Jennie Lee Mrs. Jas. A. Oates Pauline Markham Eliza Wetherby Agnes Ethol Maude Grainger Josie Mansefield Neilson and Mrs. Judah Miss Jeffreys Lewis Alice and Miss Dickie Lingard Cora Adrianna Mrs. Bacchus Mdlle. Aimee Miss Mattie Daniels Mrs. J. L. Hall Mdme. Rens Lydia Thompson Ellie Wilton Josie Daring Alice Dunning Jennie Lee Annie Pixley King Kala Kalu and Suite Original Georgia Minstrels $S$ &■£*** «*«- John L. Hall Little Harry Sebastiaa Dion BoucicnuU Senator Sharoji

Palace Hotel Court Yard Palace Hotel Sig. Raphael Jan-et and Palmer's Lightning Train Party Alice Dunning (in character) Rose Evans U.S.S. " Tuscarora " Officeis Auckland Valentine Steele, R.R. Agent Sir Redmond Barry Mark Twain Jerry Thomas Geo. Thomas Jas. Fisk, Jim. Billy Emmerson Thos. Wachtel Joe Murphy Emperor Norton Charlie Bacchus Jas. Allison W. S. O'Brien Mr. Fiord Mr. Mackay Mr. Fair Dan Bryant Senator Jones -1 \ Joe Coburn V| Jem Mace I Alice Dunning Chas. Sutton Rulofson's Family B?,rry Sullivan Win. C. Ralston W. B, Ricvnain, Chas. Crocker Prvo Warab<?l4 M JAf Arts'* f. 1

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, MARCH 17, 1877.

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