SUPPLEMENT TO THE AUCKLAND EVENING STAR

The One False Step.

I By James Weight. tin -you know, Walter, it is exactly V Lav to-day since we first met? fi think of it. < 'ne year to day !' I Jfl ( Yes Klla, darling ; and one year I Jwlence we'll be old mam—' I But here a dainty hand was applied I lingly t0 the dari "S fy*>, a? d the & ■Twine prediction remained mcom- I gfte The subject was changed with 1 P niimptness th. at seemed a simul- I Leous inspiration, and along the I miner lane the handsome pair joy- I S Q S ly jaunted in their cosy basket 9 P Walter Carleton was a rising young I rchant. the junior member of a I 5° York firm. He was of British I Lth and his dark complexion, crisp I Ukm'curls, and deep black eyes he de- I rived from his ' astilian mother. I Ella Groodrich was an Una-like creature, in the first flush of her I fforseous womanhood, She was a I L| e yed blonde, and the only daugh ter (/wealthy old JDr. Goodrich of Jirkland. . I Walter had received his earliest I hearirwound from the dart of Ella's I beauty at a Saratoga hop, and since I then the course of their love had run I as smoothly as two enthusiastic hear's I could make it. Dr. Goodrich, besides I closely observing the young man, had I made the necessary inquiries respect- I inz him, with the result of thoroughly I satisfying his amiable partner and himself °on the propriety of their daughter's choice. i ) It was really a pleasant atternoon I I -late in summer—and the gray pony I with the basket phaeton and the pair I of turtle doves jogged along with a ' sort of ' sober certainty of waking bliss,' as Milton happily phrased it. ! The miles flew by on angel's wings, and when Walter consulted hia watch, lo and behold! it was within a few minutes of the Kirkland dinner hour ; and they were a good five miles away ! '"We must make all haste back,' cried Ellie, 'pa dislikes to wait for dinner. Rufe, old man,' this to the gray pony, 'you must put yuur best foot foremost;' whereupon Hufe's mistress proceeded to admonish him with rein and whip. Now, Bute had not been used to this cavalier treatment, and he- began to protest against it by manifold head-shakings', tail-switchings, elephan tine hops - and snortings, and gener ally by moving forward rather slower than before. Whereupon Ella scolded the perverse brute, and Waiter took the whip and administered a sharp cut across the foreleg. I his was enough, Eufus instantly performed some com pound circus trick, and cleverly sepa rated himself and the shafts from the phaeton.. Before you could say Jack Bobmson the pair of lovers were rolling in the dust, and ' Eufe' was complacently regarding the havoc he had made. "Dusted and discontented. Walter and Ella regained their feet, more scared than hurt, and amused than vexed.

Ella said there was a blacksmith's shop a short distance off, and thither Walter ran while she watched the wreck and told ' Rufe' what a disreput able old villain he was..

■ When Walter returned with the mechanic, a tall bony-looking man with huge red whiskers and an im mense Panama hat was talking to Ella. ! And not merely talking; it seemed to Walter that the man was annoying her, and attempting to take 'her ih'ahd—a liberty she seemed to repel with indignant energy. 'Well, be friends, anyhow, Ella, if yea won't shake hands,' he of the red whiskers was saying, as Walter, with flashing eyes and vengeful looks, unseen, approached. 1 Stand off, sir!' cried he, pushing the intruder violently aside. 'By what right do you presume to annoy this young lady ?' Ella uttered a little scream. The man staggered, and nearly fell; but, his equilibrium, he quickly faced round, and fiercely fixed his red dish, chestnut eyes upon his assailant. 'Walter Carleton, as I'm a breath ing sinner!'

' Dr" Farjeon!' with a violent start and change of color. ' Good G-od, you here! I beg your pardon for my rudeness. I did not see your face ;it was so unexpected. Why, how in the name—l mean how on earth did .you ever turn up here?' '0, that is easily explained,' said Dr. Farjeon, with a- meaning look. 1 You see, after we parted at Liverpool dock—'

'Ah yes; just so,' said Walter, nervously. ' Ella, my dear, Dr. Far jeon and I are old acquaintances friends and all that, you know. Doctor I shall be glad to meet you ; that if, confound this mishap ; we must get it repaired, and get home at once; musn't we, Ella?'

Ella had looked with speechless surprise at the chilling effect the doctor's sudden appearance had upon her lover. Jt had completely trans formed him, crushing his gaiety as one crushes a flower in the hand.

With a supercilious 'good bye, Miss Goodrich," and ' I'll see you this even ing, Walter,' Dr. .Farjeon proceeded on his way; when, with a mortified look, Walter said:

'Why Ella, whatever is that man doing here ?' 'If you had not interrupted him, he would have told you soon enough, the

hateful, detestable fel ow,' she replied. 1 Ue lately bought pa's practice; and has come prowling about our house and persecuting me ever since; but to day I made him feel how intensely I despised him. Bow on earth did you ever form that Jack-Sheppard-looking sawbones acquaintance ?' ' Merely professionally, in Europe,' replied Walter, dryly. Walter's attempts at cheerfulness during the homeward drive were spasmodic failures ; and after dinner a gloom settled upon him which Blla vainly sought to dispel. He said he had a slight headache, attributable probably to the shock in the afternoon drive. Just as night was closing in Dr. Far] eon was seen walking in the direction of the house, and somewhat abruptly Walter uttered some unsat isfactory explanation and joined him. The two men proceeded toward the hemlock grove, and Ella, watching from an upper window, could see that the doctor gesticulated threateningly, and that Walter, her daring and chivalrous Walter, seemed to make piteous appeals to the other's for bearance !

' What can it mean ? O, whatever can it mean ?' sobbed the yearning young heart, as she stood, weary and wretched, watching the retreating forms till they melted into the darkness.

In about an hour Walter returned. He was almost boisterously cheerful. There was triumph in his eye and satisfaction on his brow. Next day was Saturday, and Ella and he spent a delightful day, notwithstanding that he informed her business would call him to the city on Monday, but only for a few days. After that he said he would return and spend a whole uninterrupted fortnight at Kirkland.

On Sunday evening the lovers attended the village church; and as the congregation were dispersing, a lad in a slouch hat that almost con cealed his features, suddenly approach ed Walter, and, with a quick and dexterous movement, placed a note in his hand and disappeared. The action was so sudden that the messenger had vanished before the young man had recovered from his surprise; and although Ella was close by his side, she neither saw the envoy nor the missile he delivered.

Walter was taciturn and reflective at the supper-table, and later in the evening he said he thought he would walk over to Albany before bed-time, sieep at the Delavan and get the early boat in the morning, rlla was clearly vexed and disappointed, but sbe bade him an affectionate adieu notwith-

standing. JN'ext morning, she rose later than usual, and on reaching the breakfast table found great excitement. The parson and the village druggist were there, so was the ancient Miss Needleton, the scandal purveyor of the place. ' Pierced through the brain from ear to ear !' cried the spinster.

' "Well, not exactly,' said the drug gist, ' the ball seems to have entered the highest portion of the forehead rather to the left of the medial line, and proceeded downwards through and to the base of the skull'

1 That seems very extraordinary, doesn't it ?' put in the parson. ' « should have fancied the ball travelled the contrary direction—upwards, and that the poor fellow was shot from behind.'

' But there is the ball lodged as described/ said Dr. G-oodrich. 'What has happened, pa?' cried Ella, unable longer to bear the cruel suspense. ' Doctor Parjeon has been mur dered!' cried the parson, the druggist, and the spinster in chorus, ' murdered at ten o'clock last night by an assas sin, who escaped from the surgery window.'

'O, she's fainting!' cried the mo ther, rushing to her; 'poor darling, how the horrid news has shocked her!'

When she recovered she was in her room with her parents. Once alone, she thought long and earnestly of the tragedy; the mysterious relations be tween her lover and the murdered man, the sudden departure last night of the former, and his strange fits of gloom since he first met the doctor. But, O! it couldn't be It was monstrous —it was cruel—it was un pardonable to mis Walter, _ even, in imagination, with such a crime. No, no; it wasn't Walter. That was certain. &he would at once write to him, and tell him what a very terrible crime had been committed. Of course he would want to hear about it from Kirkland before he read it in the newspaper. So she wrote a long letter to Walter; and while she was engaged on that pleasant task the police and idle villagers were scouring the country for the assassin. More than one had seen him enter the doctor's house the preceding evening and could generally describe his appearance. It was twilight when Ella started with her letter to the post-office, half a mile distant, and it was almost dark when she reached the outer grounds of the Kirkland homestead. As she approached the gate, hidden among a clump of maples, a man's form, with outstretched arms, darfced before her, and said in a hollow voice:

. 'My darling Ella 1' She looked an eager, wild look ; her heart gave one sickening heave, and, with a sensation of choking, she gasped:

'O,my God, "Walter! Say it wasn't you— say it wasn't you !' JBe put. his arm around her, and led her unresistingly into the heart of the shrubbery. 'ihen, with tremulous earnestness, but with despair in every tone, he said :

'So help me, Heavenly Father, Ella! lam not guilty of—raurder !

She was stricken dumb. 'Every sense of her being was concentrated in hearing ; and she gazed fivedly at his pallid face when the moon came out, and held his right hand in both of hers, while he whispered his strange, sad, terrible story. Brielly, it was this:

When a fatherless lad he was placed in a Liverpool banking-house, where he was a favourite. Gradually he mingled in ' fast society.' and fre quented the gambling table; and. once, in a terrible strait, he forged his patron's name. Stricken down with sickness immediately after, and • fever and delirium supervening, he raved incessantly about his crime. Dr. Far jeon, then a graduate, attended him, and possessed himself of the facts of the crime, and when he recovered brought the patron to the penitent's bedside. He was pardoned on pro mise of amendment, on condition that he leave England for ever. Dr. Far jeon was mortified at this display of magnanimity, and when he parted from W alter, said: 'Be careful in America, or I may have to play the detective in another role.'

'You-know,' continued the fugitive, as the sobbing girl hung on his neck —* you know how we met; but you do not know that when we were alone the same night he threatened to expose what he termed my ' antece dents,' unless I would pay him §5,000 hush money. He said he passionately loved you, Ella ; that you had laughed at him and despised him, insomuch that he had literally raved and cursed at the prospect of our happiness.

' Well, last evening, as we loft church, a lad put a no be into my hand ; and, when alone, I opened it and found an imperative command to meet him at his house between nine and ten. That is whj I met you —' ' Well ?' she eagerly cried. ' I went. Be insolently told me I must' come down ' with $20 5 000 within a week, or he would brand me before the world. I was greatly excited. I could not raise so much money, and I called him opprobrious names. He seemed to think I meant him personal harm, and, being naturally a coward, he drew his pistol. I seized it, and in the struggle it was discharged when both our hands were above our heads. Fou know the result. I jumped from the window and fled, 1 knew not whither. ' Then, it was only a dreadful acci dent,' she burst out. ' You have committed no crime. It was not your fault.' ■ ' Ah! Ella, dearest, who but your self will believe —will be convinced of this ?' 4 Where is the note —the note he sent you last night ? That will show something,' she eagerly said. 'Lost, Klla!' The unhappy maiden uttered a despairing cry and fainted away, and almost at the same moment two officers sprang through the branches and arrested Walter Carleton for the murder of Simon Farjeon. ' Appearances are certainly very much against the young man/ T)r. Goodrich was forced to admit to his wife, as they observed some symptoms of recovery in their daughter's brain fever. ' (Still some explanations may be forthcoming. I can't believe young Carleton a deliberate murderer.'

The prisoner's lawyer was working like a beaver. Yet he was unable to account for the disappearance of the note, or to discover the messenger who had delivered it at the church door. If either turned up it would explain the prisoner's motive in visit ing the doctor that night, while the direction of the wound, as well as the pistol, which was the dead man's would probably be sufficient to acquit the prisoner.

The coroner's jury fully committed the young man after they had heard the evidence of the two officers who arrested him, and who overheard his damaging confessions to Miss Good rich. Everybody admitted that it would go hard with him, when an unexpected clue came to light.

There was an idiotic lad in the village who had a mania for stealing—es pecially articles of wearing apparel; and whenever poor Willie Webster was seen out of doors, with a paicel he was pretty sure to be overhauled by the first villager he met.

One morning, at the stage to which our story has reached, the lunatic lad was observed by the parson to leave the residence of the late doctor with a. large bundle. Visions of a wholesale kleptomania rushed through the holy man's brain, and he speedily pursued and captured Willie. The poor fellow's story was straight enough. Sally Mabane, the doctor's servant, had given him the clothes for himself, and fthey weren't the doctor's clothes either; they were Sally's clothes— Sally's own clothes, and nobody else's. The parson steered the lunatic and the bundle / back to Sally Mabane's presence, and sharply cross-examined her. Albeit she was a tough customer, the clergyman plied her with the terrors of the judgment day, of the undying worm and the quenchless brimstone fire—until iihe gave in and

made an open confession. She had several times worn these boy's clothes on her late master's, business. In fact, he had procured them for her. tihe had worn them the last time on Sunday night, when she delivered the note to young Carleton. She wept violently when the parson said be did not believe her story, and threatened to have her arrested.

1 I assure you, sir, it's all true,' she said, weeping violently; ' I haven't told no lie, sir, here is the very letter T tuk the young gentleman, sir; I saw master write it, and I know ifc by that mark on the inside, for I saw him write it; it was lying in the surgery, open, just like that (showing how) when I first saw him lying dead.'

When the " trial came on Sally Mabane's evidence and the fatal Sun day-evening letter led to Walter Carleton's acquittal. But the Liver pool story of the one false step that plunged two young hearts in misery and produced this blight and desolation also came to light. He never married Ella Goodrich, for there was an earlier and later taint upon his name—a forger and a homicide. On the second anniversary of their acquaintance the lovers rode in the basket phaeton behind Kufe for the last time. And the next day she entered a monastery, and he sailed for South America.

Love Knots.

When two young hearts that beat as one attend divine service in the evening, it is bashfulness that leads them to select a seat in the most obscure pew under the gallery. A one-eyed San Francisco girl adver tises for a husband afflicted in the same way, She don't mean to be twitted on her deformity after the honeymoon.

' Sinful sectarianism ' is what a Unitar ian theological student called it because a Methodist girl refused to let him hug her in a camp-meeting tent. Sallie Morris, a pretty Newark girl, ii a ' mind reader:' She said to a bashful beau the other night—' Why, I believe you are going to kiss me !' She was correct. The ' Matrimonial News ' advises every young man to marry the girl he loves best. The only objection to such conduct would be the girl's mind, and the wishes of her family. • Young ladies are growing colder and more selfish every day,' said a veteran cynic, ' and how few do we find now who love a man enough to hang around a barber-shop for a lock of his hair.

A Milwaukee chap kissed his girl about forty times right straight along,and when he had stopped, the tears came into her eyes, and she s;u'd in a sad tone of voice : 'Ah ! John, I fear you have ceased to love me.' • No, I haven't,' replied John, ' but I must breathe.'

An affair of the heart—The circulation of the blood.

' Augustus, dear ;' said she, tenderly pushing him from her as the moonlight flooded the bay-window where they were standing, ' I think you had better try some^other hair-dye; your moustache taste3jjike turpentine.' It $as a young lady of Peoria who, overhearing her two lovers quarrelling about her, seized each by the hair and so smote their heads together that the reverberation caused a rumour tbat the ice had broken up in the river. 'It is good to be merry and wise ; it is good to be honest and true ; and before you are off with the old love, it is best to be on with the new.'

Little Johnny on Babies.

[From Harper's Bazaar] Babies aint big enuff to lick, or you wude see me a pitchin' into 'em, I can telyou, for I dont like em, but wen you luke at one, and see em so little, you say now if I was to take of my cote and give you a good thrassin you cudent help yourself, so may be you can't help being a nuisance, too. Thats wot I say wen our bady puts its gummy hands into ray face wen Ime made to set and mind him, but you jest|wait til he gits as big as me, so it wude be fair fite, and then see wot He do, thats all! I spose I like that litbel fellar, like Ime tole to, but wot does he put his gummy hands for in my face wen 1 kiss him ? I no were there is a baby wich is a lot older than ourn, but not morn half so big, and it cant wok, and it cant tok, but sech dresses as that baby wears wude make yure head swim. It is in a shop windo, and is made of whax. I suppose babies is different from fokes cos they dont uo no better, but if I was them you wudent cetch me a puttin every thing m this world into rcy mowth, I can tel you, like ourn does. Mary thats the house maid, she was a only chile wen she was to home, and use to have dolls, but never see a meat baby real cloce til she come to our house, and that girl was jes astonish ol the time to see wot baby wude do, and it was morn a month fore she wud tuch it. One day Mary she come a bustin in the dinin room wen it was dinner, wite like a sheet, and hardly any breth, and she said ' O, if you please, mrim, babby has went and et the nursry dore every bit up, ol but jes the nob; but wen my mother she went to see wot was the matter it was only father had tuke of the dore to mend it, and baby was a suckin a round paper wate. Sech a girl ! I have another thing to tel you about Mary, thats the house maid. Wen she firs come to live with us one day Uncle Ned he was a plain with baby after lunchen, and he had the cork of a ale bottle a sticken on the cork scru, and he was a lettin baby take it in its mowth. Mary she come in while he was a doin it;, and she see him pull it out quick, and she ran in '

the kitchen as fas as she cude and brot Uncle Wed a tumbler on a tray !

ween me and you I dont bleeve that girls got any thinker! One day my father was reading something out loud wich he had foun in the paper about baby farmin, and ole Gaffer Peters, wich was there, he herd till father got down, and he said he went in for a law to keep the squires from leasin their land to the farmers for seeh wile perpesses, cos, for his part, he didden see any differents between plantin babies and buryin em like they was dead, and he bleeved it was jes done to git rid of em, cos how cade babies come up ? There was a man and his wife and their little baby, and they lived by their selfs in the woods, ten hundred thou sand miles from any other house. The man he hunted deers with a gun, and the woman she stade to home to mind baby and cuke the meat. And one offle dark nite the man haddent come home, and the woman she new he had got lost, and was kil by sabbages, and ct by a wile beest, and she was a trade. Bime by, way in the nite, she herd something like a little chile a cryin and cryin, out side in the dark, some times on one side of the house, and sometimes not, and she said it was a spirit wich had come for her baby, so she set it in the middel of the room and hugged her baby, and was friten mose to deth. And the thing kep a cryin, and a cryin, til her blud run cole, but baby was a sleep in her arms, ! poor thing. At las she herd a nois at I the windo, and-she luked up and I hollered, for she see two grate eyes a lukin in thru the glas, like coles of fire and Ime that friten I cant rite any more, cos its nite, and Ime alone. "Weres my mother ? Ive found Uncle Ned, and he has lit his pipe, and he says drive ahead, Johnny, if you conjer up a fitin demon. He stan by and see fair play, wel jus then there was a gun, for it was a panther, and the man had come home and shot it. But wen he went in the house his wife diddent kno him, cos she had went mad, and she had hug the little baby so tite it was dead.

If Ide "been her yude a saw me git the poker and wok strate up to the windo, and Ide a said Mister Panther, if you carry fire in your eyes it has got to be yoked, and Ide a let him have it as fur in as I could make it go and said hooray ! But Uncle Ned he pays wot wude I done if I had see n notice on the windo like at the men agerie, dont worry the animals ? Two babies wich is jes a like is twins, but Missis Jonsin she tole me a offle crammer, for she said hern was twins, wich aint so, cos J have seen em, and one is a girl. May be the other is a twin, but a twins no good with out it has got a mate, its like a pair of boots wen one has been give to the poor, who wants the other ? I dont kno how folks wich has twins gits on for there wudent be enuf things in the house for two babies to put in their mouths. My father he says babies puttin things in their mouths is a in stinct, cos in a natcheral state they wude haf to eat lots of things wich they wude find or they wude starve, but"l think they mite ol most as wel starve to deth as git pizened. Ourn is named Frank, and I have wrote some poetry wich is for mother to sing him to sleep wen he wude rather stay awake and hammer the legs of the pean O with a bottle of colonei

Seepity, seepity, Frankity Frank, Butten its blu eyes up, hanky pank pank; Sech a rum baby nobody ain't got, And if they wade say so, wy that wude be rot.

Lully boy, lully boy, snority snore, Wen it wakes up it shall crol on the flore, Sech a mm baby nobody ain't see, And if they wude say so they got to fite me.

Hooray! wont my mother jus go wild with happy when I sho fcer that, and say I made it of my ownself, you mus git it by hart real quick ? And wont she say Mary, that's the house maid, you come ill this minit and mind these eggs a bilin, cos I got to put baby to sleep, poor little feller, he is so tired !

A henpecked husband is seldom blessed with troops of friends. His ' modest still ness and humility' are perhaps virtues, but somehow or "other folks wont rally much round a man who isn't capable of getting tip and raising a row when the occasion calls for it.

Jenkins says President Grant's letter, as to a third term nomination, reminds him of the Widow Bedott's remonstrance when Uncle Keziah offered to kiss her: ' No, sir !'said that lady, with virtuous indignation —' not unless you are stronger than I am—and I know you are.'

It is well that a parent should know the peculiarity of the pulse of each child. The pulse of a healthy adult beats seventy times in a minute, though good health may be enjoyed with fewer pulsations. But if the pulse always exceedsfcseventy, it indicates disease ; the humangpiacliine is working itself out, there is ffever or inflamation somewhere, and the body is feeding on itself.

'Papa,' said a bright-haired boy, 'how could-the military ' fly' from the field of battle, when they had only one plume apiece, and both wings of the army were thrown into great disorder ? Say, papa, how could they fly ?' . A clergyman, being applied to m less than a year after bis appointment to put a stove in the church, asked how long his predecessor had been there, and when answered ' Twelve years, he said, Well, you never had a fire in the church during this time P' ' No, sir/ replied the appli cant, 'but we had a fire in the pulpit then.'

The Butterfly.

A butterfly ! a butterfly ! And who to catch it will not try ? See, here and there across the grass In panting haste they come and pas 3. A troup of boys, an eager throng, This way and that they leap along ; _ While 'neath the shade their elders sit, Ed joy the sport and laugh at it. Ah, hope with disappointment fraught! Each boy in turn thinks he has caught The fragile thing while, far on high, Still soars the painted butterfly.

At length across the garden wall It flits, and, beaten one and all, Confined within the garden's space, They turn bewildered from the chase,

Ah me ! then was it but a dream, If truth a butterfly did seem, That let men chase it, each and all, Then passed beyond their garden wall? S. Waddington, in Tinsleifs Magazine

The Name.

I wrote my name in the golden sand, On the shore of a beautiful river ; But a dark wave rolling along the strand Soon swept it from sight for ever. From the faithless sandJl saw it fade, Then I turned to a rock of granite, Around whose base the waters played, And carved the^name upon it. Though the foaming waves around it roar, When the storm is on the river, It still remains, as in days of yore, Plain and briaht as ever.

And thus, on the shores of the river Time, Is writing many a mortal, Leaving his Dame in right or crime, Ere entering at Death s portal. And some are writing with careless hand On the brink of that rolling river ; But the next dark wave that sweeps the strand Shall hide their names for ever. But now and then, in the motley throng, One carve? his name on granite, And the waves of Time, with their current strong,

Shall beat in vain upon it. It is deeply cut, and wrought with care, 'Twill remain undimmed forever, Though the honesb hand that placed it there Might have crossed that rolling river.

The Nook by the River.

BY DOBOTHEA ISABELLA,

There's a dear little spot in the bead of a river, Where the lark wakes the morn with his soul-witching song, And the sun shoots his briliianthued rays from bis quiver On the rippling waves as they gambol along I wander at will 'mid the varied shadings And leafage adorning each fanciful turn, Where the little birds murmured their gentle upbraidings, In low plaintive notes on the boughs by the fern.

At eve, on a rock overhanging the water, I view the sweet scene from my jessamine bower; Enchanted, my eyes scan the bright Waite mata, Till hid from my view by the darkening hour.

Varieties.

' No, sir,' said a weary-lookiDg man on a street car, to an individual by his side : ' I wouldn't marry the best woman alive ; I've been a dry goods clerk too long for that.'

A shoe-maker was arrested for bigamy and brought before the magistrate. • Which wife,' asked a bystander ' will he be obliged to take ?' Smith, always ready at a joke, replied, ' He is a cobbler, and of course must stick to his last.'

John Henry says that when your four year-old attaches a spring clothes-pin to the nose of your one-year-old, and stands back, critically examining the expression and listening to the music he has evoked, a parent's heart dilates with pride at the precocity of his offspring.

A boy is a blessing until he puts, on pants. From the period of the first rent in his trousers dates a feeling in the maternal breast that is not wholly affec tionate.

The ' New York Graphic' remarks of an indivdual:—' He was of obscure but tasteful parentage.' Tasteful parentage is graphic.

Silas Card was married the other day, and on his wedding notices were the words: 'No cards.' But he doesn't know what might happen.

We understand' respectable washer women in Denyer now decline to work for persons who are mean enough to mark their linen, and thus not only show a want of confidence, but give the trouble of sorting the things.

A smart man at Sandusky put arsenic in a bottle of wine, hoping that a burglar would drink it, and his wife placed it among one hundred other bottles. The -smart man is now wondering which is the bottle, but thinks he will have a wine sale by auction.

Why is ' naming the day' like a nava. battle ?—Because it's a marry time engage, merit.

Speaking of railroads, a wag remarked that they are now built of three gauges, viz., broad gauge, narrow gauge and mortgage.

""MtsTN- B. Lutes, of Tiffin, the first lady lawyer admitted to the bar of Ohio, has retired. Cause, a baby.—' Toledo Blade.'

The London ' Post' has an advertise ment inviting 'proposals from ladies of character and suitable fortune for the hand of an English baronet of the earliest creation.'

They have tall students at Auburn (N. V.) theological seminary. Morgan hall in that institution is advertised as con taining ' a few rooms for students 11 feet in height.' «

A printer's devil says his lot is a hard one; at his boarding-house they charge him with all the pie they can't find, and at the office his employer charges him with all the pie they do find.

A gentleman once warmly eulogized the constancy of an absent husband in the presence of his loving wife. 'Yes, yes/ assented she, ' he writes me letters full of agony of affection ; but he never remits me any money,' 'I can conceive of that,' said the other; 'for I know his lore to be unremitting.'

Bad for Mr. Jaskins.

An Indignant "Woman Pbepabing M AXE IT WAEM F OR HIM.

< Can I be protected here, Mister?' asked a woman yesterday as she entered the office of the Chief of Police.

1 Team.

' Can my family—-my innocent child ren—be protected?' she demanded, striking the floor with her umbrella ?*

1 Yes'm.'

' If there is any law I want it/ she went on' dropping into a big arm chair: 'if there isn't I propose to take a club to him!' ' My dear woman, this world is full of sorrow;' said the Captain as. he looked up from his writing: ' each one of us has his own separate and distinct grief to grieve over. Tell me yours!' ' Do you know Jaskins ?' she asked. ' Jaskins ? Jaskins ? Seems as if I had heard the name, sometime.' ' Man with a limp—one eye gone— red neck —sandy hair—got a skulking sneaking way with him,' she said. 1 And he has stolen your poultry, eh ?'

' Poultry ? aw ! it's worse than poultry —it's next to arson or murder?' 'Go on, madam —go into the particulars!' 1 Well, he boards next to me. I'm a widow. Been alone these fourteen, and if I do say it mysel, I've always had the respectablest kind of name. I've a daughter Jane. She's seventeen.

She's a good girl.' ' Yes madam.' 'And that sneaking, skulking Jaskins is after her!' she exclaimed. f Possible !' 'He just is ! Was, after me first, For weeks and weeks he'd hang around our gate, and smile at me and inquire if I wasn't lonesome, and send up strawberries, and look his lovingest out of that one eye!' 1 ' And then ?' ' And then, when he found I wouldn't marry him to save his neck, and he couldn't get my property to ran through -with, what d'ye s'pose he done?'

' Cut his throat ?' 1 Naw !He turned right round and went to loving Jane! He • has sent notes to her in those long, pink envelopes; he has sent her bouquets, and cocoanuts, and perfume and cherries,, and he's skulking around yet! I've talked and talked, but it don't do no good. If sunthin' ain't done I believe Jane'll marry him!' 'How does sn*e act?' ' She's grinning around and looking soft and loving, like, and she won't mind half I say, and is getting notes and writing answers, and—and—!' And she broke down. She wiped her eyes,- softly rubbed her nose, and after a moment jumped up and de manded : ' Is there no law ?' ' Lots of law —dead loads, madam.' ' And you'll put the law to him ?' ' I will, madam I'll make this town a volcano for him before he's a week older!'

1 A nd you'll break up the match ?' ■ Either that or break his back!' ' Grood! The police are worth sunthin' after all! . £ you say you'll wait on bim and tell him he's got to back right down or go to jail, I'll chain Jane to the table-leg and sit by her for tour weeks, but I'll make her forget him !'

' I'll do it, madam.' ' Think of my Jane marrying a man with one eye ! and a red neck! and a limp! O-h-h! when 1 think of that skulking Jaskins sneaking around my innocent Jane to make her his wife, I could t-e-a-r his house down!' the sat down, and they fixed up a plan, and Mr. Jaskins had better leave for the West this very day.

• Come in Hebe, you Black Kascal !' —That was what the young lady said : • Come in here, you black rascal!' The young lady, you see, was closing the window blinds, at the twilight hour, and seeing her little black dog sitting out on the steps, wagging his tail and looking wistfully up at her, her heart was moved with an impulse of affection toward her pet caaine, shivering in the cold and wag ging out his mute appeal. .So she hasten ed to the door and, throwing it open, she • gave vent to the loving expression we have quoted: ' Come in here, you black rascal," So far as ths dog was concerned he seemed to understand the terms of endearment addressed to him, but when the young lady's pastor, dressed in his. usually all black from top to toe, stepped forward from the .shady side of the door way, he wore a curious expression on his countenance. The young lady looked at the reverend gentleman and blushed. The dog wagged his tail as if willing to' divide honours. We don't know exactly, how it came out. But report has it thati the good man regarded doubtfully the, ebony beast, glanced at his own broad- , cloth, concluded it was all right, and. accepted the embarrassed young lady's declaration that • I—l—meant the other— the other -— come in and see raa!' Saratogian.

How the needs of the poor are ministered to in Ohio is shown by a report of the Commissioners of Franklin county recently published in the -Columbus Journal/ One item reads : • Whisky for the poor, $56 60. Another: 'Bread for the poor, $16 35.'

When Boynton was about to land on the English coast, after his trip across the channel, a row of reporters stood along the cliff expecting to hear him exclaim • €%&.. save the Queen,' or something of tha sort, but at the critical moment, he steri" 11 ped on a slippery rock and fell back witfi an exclamation that nobody but a prpfana f man would care to yepeat. '