DR. SLUGG'S INVENTION.

Max Adelee contributes the following: A Reading paper contains an account of a machine for plugging teeth, which reminds us of the invention patented many years ago by our old friend Br. Slugg. It was a tbothpuller. Slugg had an enormous business, and he concluded to economize his strength by pulling teeth fey machinery. He constructed a series of cranks and levers, fixed to a moveable Stand, and operating a pair of forceps by means of a leather belt which W&8 connected with the engine of a pktting-mill next door. The doctor experimented with it several times on nails firmly inserted in a board, and it worked splendidly. " His first patient he tried it on was Judge Mosby, who called in to have an aching molar removed.

When the forceps had been clasped xipon the judge's tooth, Dr. Slugg geared the machine and opened the valve. We believe it wus never known with any degree of exactness whether the doctor pulled the valve too far open, or whether the planing ..mill was working at that moment under extraordinary pressure. But in the twinkling of an eye Judge Mosby was twisted out of that chair, and the movable stand began to execute the most surprising manoeuvres around the room.

It would jerk Judge Mosby high into the air and souse him down in an appall ing manner, with one leg among Slugg's gouges and other instruments of torture, and with the other in the spittoon. Then it would rear him up against the chandelier three or four times, and shy across and drive the judge's head through the oil portrait of Slugg's father over the mantelpiece

After bumping him against Slugg's ancestors, it would swirl the judge around among the crokery on the washstand and dance him up and down in an exciting manner over the stove, until, fir ally, the defective molar gave, and, as the judge landed with his foot through the pier glass and his elbow on a pink poodle work' d in a green rug, the machine dashed violently against Dr. "lugg, and tried to seize his legs with the forceps. When they carried the judge home, he didn't seem inordinately glad that his tooth was out, and Dr. Slugg never sent to collect his bill.

They call it square, we believe; and, while the Mosbys hunted up a new den tist, Slugg canceled his contract with the man who owned the planing-mill, and began to pull teeth in the old way by hand.

We have an impression that Slugg's patent can be bought at a sacrifice.

HOLLENBACK'S BULL-DOG.

MADDENS BbILLIANT ItLtrSTBATION OF

the Power op Music

Mb. Hollenback of Sixth Street owns a bull-dog about the size of a yearling calf, and the whole neighbourhood has to walk on its tip-toes and put on a respectful look when that dog is turned loose.

The other night Mr. Hollenback was telling a crowd in a corner grocery what a prize-medal of a dog he had. and how he could prance over anything in Detroit, and a yourg man named Madden, who owns a fiddle and fiddles it most of the time, said he'd bet money that he could make the Hollenback dog quake and tremble under the power of music. He said he never saw a dog which couldn't be fiddled out of countenance in five minutes by the cloak, and he tried lots of them.

Mr. Hollenback grinned with delight, and it was arranged that the young man should try it right away. Madden got bis fiddle, and the crowd went over to Hollenback's.

The dog was called into the kitchen, and then the crowd slipped out, one by one leaving Madden alone. • " Cross-eyed Terror"—such is the ani mal's name —didn't know what to think of the proceedings, and he sat up and gave Madden a look in which border ruffianism, inquiry, deceit, and astonishment were about equally mingled. The fiddle was poised, and the young man commenced fiddling a sad tune, something like " Mother is dead." The dog arose at the first note and bent an earnest look on the fiddle.

He had probably never seen a fiddle, and was in doubt as to whether it was a new kind of dog or an infernal mechine. As the tune began to draw out longer and longer, Cross-eyed Terror took a step forward and gave utterance to a growl which made things tremble. Madden looked fixedly at the animal and sawed away until it became evident that he hadn't better keep that tune much longer, and he changed off1 on to some thing lively. The dog's bristles rose up and his eyes assumed a hungry look.

The young man changed to a chant, and the dog came a little nearer, and his under lip fell down like the end-board of a coal-cart.

A man who was looking through the key-hole of the door remarked that he wouldn't be in there for forty million dol lars, and the excited whispers of the crowd seemed to excite the dog. He uttered several more growls, and in his own language inquired, "What do you take me for, anyway P" Madden had faith, and struck up ' The Green Shores of Ireland."

He hadn't even citied the " green shores" before Cross-eyed Terror laid hold of him by the hip and gave him a scientific toss.

Next moment fiddle and dog and howl and growl were all mixed up together. Madden shouted for the crowd to rush in, and the dog growled out that that was a private cotilion, with no admission for outsiders.

The young man lived about a year and a half in less than a minute. He went oyer the stove with a whoop, around the table with a yell, and felt his coat-tails go off as he stopped for an instant to raise the window sash.

The crowd rushed in as soon as they ™erstood what was going on. i They found Madden lying on his face, and the dog was trying to get ahold somewhere so that he could lift him up and administer the " terrier shake." v 5 ,.7J WU£ ded '? e $ 6 * with a chair, go.andfii.ally they had to throw a pail of oold water over lam. r««*vi

Mr Madden could hardly get up, and when once up he couldn't sit down. He had bites all oyer him ahd & few thrown in '* to bobt" ahd the largest piece of his valuable fiddle was just the size of an Arizona tooth-pick.

TIRELESS ENGLISH GIRLS.

A Correspondent of the Hartford "Times" writing from Swiss inn, says: " A few days ago, just at dusk, after a cold rain had set in, two English girls and their handsome gray-haired father Arrived. They were cold and daifip, and tho hotel was cold and damp, and as we sat by our blazing fire and heard them gO to their rooms we pitied them so much that we opened our door and invited them to khare our warmth and comfort—.othey tiamein and we chatted together all the evening. Those two bright, fresh-looking girls sat calmly in their chairs snd told us they had crossed from Meiringen to the Rhone Glazier over the Grimsel, on foot, the day before, through a foot of snow —had walked nine miles down the valley that morning, and then had climbed up all the way from Viesch to the hotel on foot in rain that afternoon. We looked at them aghast, and murmured 'Tired !' 'Oh no/ they briskly chorused; and indeed they did look most revoltingly fresh and pretty. When we appeared in the morning, father (who always comes in to breakfast from out of doors, with a blast of cold air, very much as if he had slept on the nearest glaicer) announced that 'those English girls started to walk up to the summit of the Eggischhorn two hours ago, and are coming back in time to cross the Aletach elazier to go to the Belle Alp for the night! Before long they came in, brisk aud rosy as usual: 'Oh no ! not tired at all!'—and without waiting for anything more than a lunch, were off again. We groaned in spirit as we saw them disappear round a promonotory."

THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE.

The Paris correspondent of the London " Standard" says : " A romantic case of true love and its adventures has just come before the Toulouse law Courts. M. Henri d'Aurilhon, son of the Marquis of i that name, fell in love during the campaign of 1870-71 with a charming young lady named Blanche Bouscant, who had caught his eye as his regiment was on the way to the field of battle. Returning from the wars, he sought the object of his affections, hoping to be more successful in the field of Cupid than in that of Mars, but was doomed to another disappointment. The young lady was only the daughter of a tradesman, and the Marquise, his mother, refused to give her consent to such a marriage. The lovers, after waiting in vain till the heart of the Marquise soft ened, resolved at last to marry themselves after their own fsahion. Attired in full wedding garments, and accompanied by their temions, they went to church, threw themselves on their knees before the high altar as the priest was celebrating mass, and swore to accept each other as man and wife. This done, they rose and coolly asked the priest to give them a marriage certificate. Needless to say, the reverend gentleman refused, and the 'unhappy couple' thereupon left with their friends. However, Henri and Blanche considered themselves legally united, and repaired to the chateau of Sauveterre, the family residence of the D'Aurilhons. Here M. Henri D'Aurilhon introduced Mile. Blanche to the servants as his ' wife,' and the nuptial festivities began. The Mar quise, D'Aurilhon was in the country at the time this romantic drama was being performed, but a faithful domestic at once telegraphed to her,'and she arrived in the midst of the wedding dinner. The scene that ensued may be easily imagined. The Marquise, highly indignant, drove Mile. Blanche out of the house, and forbade her son to call tho tradesman's daughter his wife. But Henri refused to obey his parent, and summoned her to receive the lady in the chateau. The upshot of the matter was that the Marquise appealed to the tribunal to protect herself against the young couple, and the Court gave her full power to keep Mile. Blanohe out of the chateau in tre event of her son returning to the charge."

THE RETORT COURTEOUS.

The ways of Cincinnati journalism are still peculiar. The Enquirer lately referred to the editor of the Commercial as " potbellied and gray-haired," and the gentleman thus particularly des cribed retorts in a manner which may be referred to as playfnl but personal. This is what the Commercial says:—

"Theyoungproprietorof the Enquirer whose commanding talents and beauty have placed him in the front rank of our profession, and who is already looked upon as an example fails in that fine deportment which so handsomely dis tinguishes him when he treats with the exuberant rhetoric that his genius inspires, those physical developments in others that the world recognizes as the consolidated evidence of too many good things consumed. Kow, the term "pot bellied," if we may be permitted an illustration, is barely polite, and it must be harrassing and distressing to the afflicted who are haunted by it as descriptive of their woes. Few men are so favored as this young man with native grace and happy fortune. Few like him fill at once their hats and boots with equal masses of bony matter and muscular integuments; but even he. as the gliding years envelope him in the delicate tissues of his own persona ality, may come to discover, glancing beyond the snowy surface next his heart, the carved lines below the belt that tell of days well spent with sumptious fare and nights of serene repose. In such an hour he would repent the use of indecorous epithets about circumstances not inconsistent with righteousness and the wanton waste upon the desert air of the sweet ness of serviceable adjectives. We would cherish this young man, who is public boon raised up for some work of extraordinary benificence; and though | his manly form and classical features are so familiar that the matter is hardly

worth mentioning, we "will say that every winning smile that shines from his intellectual countenance refutes the sinister assertion that he resembles s flea-bitten and lop-eared bul3-pup with a glass eye:

THE SPINSTER'S CHANCE.

It is generally the case that the more beautiful and the richer a young female is the more difficult are both her parents and herself in the cholcie ofd. hiiSband, and the more the offers they refuse. One is too tall, another too short: this not wealthy, dnd that hot respectable enough. Meanwhile ohe Spring passes after another, and year fifte r year carries away leaf after ieaf of* the blooiii 6f youth and opportunity. Miss Harriet Selwood was the richest heiress in her native town, but she had already completed her twenty-seventh year, and beheld almost all her young friends united to men whom she had at one time or another discarded.

Harriet began to bo set down for an old maid.

Her parents became really uneasy, and she herself lamented in private a position which is not a natural one, and to which those to whom nature and fortune have been niggard of their gifts are obliged to submit.

But Harriet as we have said, was hand some and very rich. Such was the state of things when her uncle, a wealthy merchant in the north of England, came on a visit to her parents.

He was a jovial, lively straightforward man, accustomed to actack all difficulties boldly and coolly.

" You see," said her father to him, one day, " Harriet continues singlo. The girl is handsome ; what she is to have for her fortune, you know ; even in this scandal loving town not a creature can breathe an imputation against her."

" True," replied the uncle; but look you, brother, the grand point in every affair in this world is to seize the right moment; this you have not done. It is a misfortune, but let the girl go along with me, and before the end of three months I will return her to you as the wife of a man as young and as wealthy as herself."

Away went tho niece with her uncle On the way home he thus adressed her :

" Mind what lam going to say. You are no longer Miss Selwood, but Mrs. Lumley, my niece, a young, wealthy, childless widow; you had the misfortune to lose your husband, Colonel Lumley, after a happy union of a quarter of a year, by a fall from his horse while hunting."

" But, uncle "

" Let me manage, if you please, Mrs. Lumley. Your father has invested me with full powers. Here, look you, is the wedding-ring given you by your late husband. Jewels and whatever else you need your aunt will supply you with, and accustom yourself to cast down your eyes." The keen-witted uncle introduced his niece everywhere, and the young widow excited a great sensation. The gentlemen thronged about her, and she soon had her choice of twenty suitors.

Her uncle advised her to accept the one that was deepest in love with her, and a rare chance deoreed that this should be precisely the most amiable and opulent. The match was soon concluded, and one day the uncle desired to say a few words to his future nephew in private. "My dear sir," ho began, "we have told you an untruth." " How so ? Are Mrs. Lumley's affec tions—" " Nothing of the kind; my niece is sincerely attached to you." " Then her fortune, I suppose, is not equal to what you told me P" On the contrary, it is larger." " Well, what is the matter, then P" "A joke—an innocent joke, which came into my head one day when I was in good humonr ; we could not well recall it afterward. My niece is not a widow." " What; Colonel Lumley living ?" " No, no; she is a spinster." The lover protested that he was a hap pier fellow than he had ever conceived himself, and the old maid was forthwith metamorphosed into a young wife.

A BAD BOY DECIDEDLY.

The enterprise of young America has been written and talked about for years, still there are grades of opinion in regard to young America's sharpness, and among those who have been most struck with the precocity of the rising generation is Detective Kennock of the United States Secret Service, New York. A few days ago a small boy applied at the secret ser vice office on Bleeker street and said that he knew of a man who had counterfeit money to sell. The boy's story was ap parently reliable, and Detective Eennock was detailed to effect a capture of the counterfeiter with the aid of the youth bringing the information. At a specified time the detective sccompanied the boy to the appointed place, and there instantly recognized one Coffee, an old offender, to whom he was well known. He bad barely time to give the boy a roll of bills in good money to exchange for the counter feit and conceal himself when the counter feiter came up and and began negociations with the young informer. The boy agreed with Coffee to give a certain sum in good money for a certain number of counterfeits and, received the latter, when, instead of handing over the genuine notes, he cut and ran. At this juncture the detective sprang out and arrested the counterfeiter and then Waited for the return of the boy. But the boy didn't come. He had passed away like a morning mist and they couldn't find him any more. He has the genuiue money with him and the counterfeit too, and the detective and the rogue were equally disgnsted at the turn of affairs. Since the arrest the counterfeiter has been discharged for want of evidence against him, and thus the last drop of bitterness is added to the cup of the chagrined detective. He wouldn't trust his own baby now, so thoroughly is he convinced of the moral obliquity of yonng America.

". " I swear, said a gentleman to his mis tress," you are very handsome." "Pooh!" said the lady^ "so you would say if you did not tlunk." .And so you would think," answered he, " though I should »Otl*yfO**' ', .' V"y '••■" »

A BOY HERO.

A Boy thirteen years old ha. twice saved the lives of his sisters by exposing his own. He lives in Stillwater, New York, and his name is worthy of mention in every part of the country. The Troy " Times " saysf-^ Let the papers. 6f to-day "pass around the name of I/eW ia Smodcll,, trie'feo^ hero of thirteen years or _ig .; On£ we6lc ago the " Times " published an nccQHni til the lad's rescue of his sisters from drowning at the hazard of his own life. To-day it is ours to chronicle a still greater feat performed by this young champion of brave and noble deeds;

On Saturday afterhoo'n t\frd 6'f the boy's little sisters, aged four and six years, rolled d°wn the bank into the, river, in about five feet, of water; and but a few rods above the very, verge of the dreaded Stillwater rapids. The herb of d few days ago was engaged, at the oppor tune moment, in a shop which projects out over the swift-rushing waters, and fancying that he heard a peculiar now. emanate from that quarter, he stejflrcd to the door and saw his two little sisters strangling and struggling and being hurled mercilessly toward their doom.

Lewis saw that if the children were to be saved his arm must do it. He wax standing on a platform twenty feet above the surface of the water, but he took the leap, went under, and soon appeared directly between the children. Then commenced a struggle for life. His cries for help were unheard, and the water was above the boy's head. We cannot give a better sequel to the termination of this affair than to use the lad's own words to the writer, which were, " I don't know how I did manage. They were almost gone when I reached them, and this time I had no help, but I got them ashore, and I did it just in time."

A FUNNY YOUNG MAN.

His Curious Performances when

iie is Asleep.

[ From the Troy Press. ] TnERE resides in this city one of the most remarkable somnopatbists we have ever heard of. He is a clerk in a Puver street store, and is a young man of excellent parts and abilities. Since childhood he has performed some strange feats while in his peculiar sleep. On several occasions during the present winter he has arisen in his sleep and taken down the stoves in his kitchen and parlour. "While his wife has watched him he has care fully removed the stoves —both of them are of good weight —to a store room. Having finished this work he returns to bed, and in the morning has not the slightest recollection of his feat. On very rare occasions, after he has taken down the stoves and returned to bed, he will get up again and put the stoves back in their places Men who have to put up and take down stoves periodically may envy our som nambulist's absence of consciousness while performing these ordinarily dis agreeable feats. It is a common occur rence for him to get out of bed and throw the coal scuttle out of the win dow. Several times he has arisen and, seating himself at the cradle, from which his wife had been prudent enough to remove the baby, has rocked it with force sufficient to give the best stomached infant in the world an acute colic. Oue night he clambered to the roof of his dwelling and hurled the scuttle over to the side walk. It narrowly missed a policeman's head. Nor is it uncommon for our hero to get up at midnight, dress himself and go up to tho store to attend to busi ness. One of his freaks is to kindle a fire in the kitchen stove, prepare a meal and eat it. He sets the table with the neatness of a thorough house wife, but when he gets the wrong plate, or picks up the sugar by mistake for the salt, he dashes it to the floor.

Sunday morning at two o'clock, our friend got out of bed, dressed him self, took from the cradle the pillow which his wife places therein when she removes the baby, carried it to the front stoop, laid it down, got the baby carriage, picked up the pillow, placed it carefully in the carriage, and gave it half an hour's ride. At this time the thermometer indicated ten degrees below zero.

The somnambulist was seen by the policeman on the beat, who, being ac quainted with his freaks, did not dis turb him, but kept his eye upon him. Tuesday night the somnambulist arose in bed, and clutching his wife's throat and placing his knee on her breaßt shouted, " I'll cut your heart out." This was a new experience for the lady, and came near being a serious one. At the outset so tight was the grip on her throat that she was un able to scream for help. At length, by the use of all her strength, she managed to loosen the grip so that she could scream for help. In a few minutes a crowd was gathered around the house. The screams continued, and the people supposing that a murder was being committed, forced their way into the. couple's apartments. Among them was the young man's employer wh« touched the somnambulist with the point of a pin. This awakened him, and after explanation, the out siders retired and the couple again went back to their slumbers which were not again interrupted. The' young man is terribly chagrined at his act and is so sensitive on the matter that we refrain from giving his name. He is well known among our younger people and is highly respected. He believes that his somnambulism is caused by an accumulation of the blood in the neigh borhood of the nerves in the legs and arms, and says that whenever he is in that state a pinch or the pricking of a pin, which starts the blood through its J proper channels will awaken him.

ROMEO BY ANOTHER NAME IN PENNSYLVANIA.

! Two farmers living on adjoining farms in Girar'd township, Erie county, hare for years been unfriendly on account ot the disagreement abdflt the line fence which separated their lands, bb¥h planning the ten feet which was formerly th* lane running betweOfl the two places. Ijicir children have grown up inheriting tht>\_ parents'' afiimosity, and their eldest sons Hd.'S Motki titiieS been subpoenaed as witnesses IH Aitf rtfiM *]««b baye grown out of this difficult--, nee&se had heen a sort of suit in chancery, ittffc* **«f" from year to year, both men their money in lawyer's foes without any legal conclusion. About a year ago the two /atJ-ei* a^olce one Monday morning to find th fit e&dh bftd lost a child-one his youngest son.- (mA tho other his only daughter. Like the houses' ot Montague and dfi*ul6t iv " Romeo and Juliet the scions ohad ttfo royal houses had secretly cherished a fondness, for one another, and, knowing the feud between the families without divulging their passions of .men tions, they met clandestinely, and carried into effect an elopement. A week pnssed.at the end of which the father of the run away daughter was called on to go to Erie and attend to thia everlasting lawsuit. He went in early to tho office ot the lawyer, and taking up one of Ins weekly papers, read the marriage notice ot Emma. It was a terrible blow, and he went otlt, to wall, off his excitement. Ail that passed through the old gentleman s mind is not known, but there seemed to be a desperate struggle within, Which resulted in his returning to the lawyers office and postponing the business, lhen he drove directly to his farm and had a long private intertiew with his wife; then he did what he bad not defW for twenty years—went over and called onhi3 enemy He was found sick, having been confined to his room since the abandonment of hi. favourite son. But the two farmers met and both for a few minutes stood face to face in profound silence. At length the father of Emma spoke: I have come to settle the dispute; let the children have the lot on either side of the lane, and I will build them a house." "And I will furnish it." So the recreant children were sent for end forgiven, and came home to receive their parents blessing. And now there are no more lawyers for the two farmers but each has faithfully fulfilled his con tract in regard to his house and furniture.

FLA HES OF FUN.

[By the Danbury News Man,]

The Duchess of Edinburgh's new baby smashed her cologne bottle, whereupon she gave it a sarcastic caress with her slipper.

A man in a seal-skin overcoat and fur cap, driving a clipped horse, always in spires us with hope for the future of our country.

At the Opera House, last evening, some one shouted. " Down in front,' whereupon five young men instinctively felt of their upper lips.

A ballet girl fell from a horizontal bar in a German theatre. The musician, whose fiddle she smashed, threw her on the stage, shouting, " What is this non sense, anyhow P"

An old lady on Nelson street, who listened to a neighbor complaining of the teethache, very complacently observed: " I never have the teethache ; I allers cut my finger-nails on a Saturday."

" What becomes of all the pins P" —[Ex. If tho writer of that will move around the house in his stocking-feet after a day of dressmaking, he will get more real valu able information on the subject than all the books in the world can give him.]

A destitute woman in the suburbs being asked by a benevolent visitor what she needed, said she didn't want to put any body out, or be thought to be of a com plaining disposition, but, if it was not ask ing too much, she would like a lock-box in the Post Office.

A neighbouring clergyman, being ob served with a roll of black walnut mould ings under his arm, was asked what he was going to do with them. •' I am going," he said, " to make a dash-board in front of my pulpit, so the congregation cannot throw mud on me when I whip them up."

There were two of them. She, with bent head and parted lips, was listening intently. He, with face flushed and voice vibrating, was saying: " In this wide world, darling, there is no being so dear " And then Mr. Holcolmb's clerk started a quarter of a ton of snow from the roof, and a man looking like an allegory of Winter was dancing out in the street, shaking his fist upward, and screaming at the top of his voice : " Come down here, you ugly viper, and I'll kick your gol darned head in, gol darn you!"

One of our young ladies, whose company is much prized by an enterprising youny merchant, took charge of a class of little girls the other Sunday. After the lesson, she told the children that if they wished to ask her any questions, she would answer them.

__" Will you answer true ?" asked a bright-eyed little cherub.

" Certainly," said the teacher. " Well, then," said the little one, hesi tating, " do—do you love Mr. B ?" The teacher collapsed.

An exceedingly fine and stealthy rain stole upon Danbury, late last night. It came so quietly, and froze so thoroughly, that not a soul knew of its presence on the walk and on the stoop. There was nothing to indicate its being there until it , was stepped upon, and all Danbury came out of doors as innocent and as unsus pecting as a babe in a spittoon. The general tableau was a back stoop, with a hired girl frantically endeavoring to separate herself and a pail of slops, and to strike the ground on her fee t, while at' the front door a sweet yoice murmured: "Good-by, dearest. Come h "me early." And a deep bass voice in re.. onse: " Yes, my precious, I'll—whoop! Great Heav—! Ouch!" , At 9 a.m. there wasn't a rheumatic person in town who knew where his liai-1 meat was.

' Old Mr. CrabappTe is very much pleased with a gentleman whom he has engaged to saw wood. '< When he piles the wood." said old Crabapple to his friend ' •• if one stick projects beyond the others, he pounds it in with tho axe He s a slouch," replied old man Stubble "you /should see my wood-sawyer When he octs the wood all piled, he takes off the rough projecting ends with a c aw-hammer saw " " Does "he ? Well he couldn t ptt* wood for me," broke in old Smkenberg «• Mr sawyer piles the wood carefully, then goes over the ends with a jackplane,. sand papers them dm, and puts on a coat of • Ornish before he c? er thinks of asking !S? hia pay." And then they^ all went 1 L Grand Hotel after a Dig drink before SyMaX could tell how his wood sawyer sWflated all the ends of the wood and naifa! < handle on each and every stick to pick li vp BJ. "Now you Begin to ***£r%£ certain occasion the counsel took some exception to the ruling of the court on some point and a dispute arose «If the court please, said the counsel, and at the same time picked up a volume. -There is- no referring to any book, exclaimed the court, angrily. 1 Have decided the p'infc." . - , « But your honor-" persisted the attor nG£'Now, T don't want to h ea r anything on the subject, yelled the court. I tell you again I have decided the p nt. y» I know that, " was the rejoinder I £ « Za __? that • but this is a volume am satisfied of that, wa of I Blackst l one;. X nn a d mi only want to show with your honor, and l ouiy «»^ you What a fool Blackstone was "Ah, indeed," exclaimed the court, " now you be«in to talk."

SOME FUN.

What kind of paper most resembles a sneesse ? Tissue paper.

Why is A like loud speaking to a lady dull of hearing ? Because it makes her hear. , , - Silas Card was married the other day, aud on his wedding notices were the words, "No cards." But he doesn't know what might happen. A dry goods merchant, in a fit of som nambulism recently, arose from his couch, neatly cut the bed-quilt in two with his pocket scissors, and then asked his terri fied wife if he could not show her some thing else. . tt " None but the brave deserve the fair." What is the difference between a brave man and a coward when a fair one is cou cerfled ? One will give up all to get her, and the other gives up altogether. A business firm to which a bill had been owing for some time, finally sent a sharp dunning note to the debtor, and received in reply a postal card containing the following : " Matthew xvm, 26. To this they responded: " Re.mans xm 8; Saint Luke xii, 58." The res-.lt was the prompt return of a cheque in payment oi the amount.

A dilapidated looking being, with a handkerchief tied over his eye, a straw hat dangling in shreds about his ears, the back of his vest split from buckle to neck, his lacerated knees peering out through his disjointed pantaloons, one arm in a sling, and a heavy stick support ing his trembling limbs, appeared on Market Square. Everybody rushed up to hear about the explosion, but this wreck of humanity, turning his gashed and bleeding face upon the crowd, said in tremulous but hopeful tones :" Gentle men, you don't none of you want to buy a number one team of green mules run nin', do you ?" They didn't.

THE BOYS OF DETROIT.

When one of the chaps of ten or twelve years of age feels old Satan bubbling up he reads the name on the door-plate of a private residence; rings the bell, and when the lady appears he remarks : " Your name is Jones, I believe." "Yes." "You are Jones' wife?" "Yes." " Couldn't be your husband who got hurt down town ?" " Mercy ! What is it—who !" " Don't get excited, Missus, there's lots of Joneses in Detroit, and 'taint likely this was your Jones. 0 " But it was—oh! I know it was!" " Be cool, Missus! This 'ere Jones had his head all busted in five pieces, and the Coroner is now— —" " Oh! my poor husband ! where is he ?" " Don't get excited Missus. It may be your Jones, but I guess not. This 'ere Jones had red hair, and " " Are you sure——oh ! are you ?" " I hain't ure, but I'm going down that way and I'll git a boy to come back." He hurries off, she rushes in, and when Jones comes home to dinner he learns that she has been in a fainting spell ever sinoe the boy left.— Detroit Free Press.

Printed and published by the propriety MB -- MoCullaoh Rma>, of St George ■»&»» p^y-^ BaMx-of Parnell, at their Generjl««»m : Office, Wyndham-itreet, in tho City <" AW*"* « Km Mlind:- .„„_, Saturday, April .. "7* ,

SUPPLEMENT fO THE AtTC&tANP EVENING STAR.



THISTLE HOTEL. P. DAUBY, Wholesale anp Eetatt WINE AND SPIRIT StOIRE QDE EN-STREET, AUCKLAND, i Begs leave to return many thanks to the public, for the very liberal support accorded him for many years past. Having erected splendid' Premises on the site of the old House which was destroyed by fire, he is now prepared to execute all'orders entrusted to him rom town or country, with the CHOIOEST SELECTION .. or WINES AND SPIRITS, Comprising— Sandiman's'Four Diamond Old Port Wine Duff. Gordon's Sherry Champagne—Cliquot's Champagne—Perrier, Jouet's Champagne- Moselle, pints and quarts Clar«t- Chateau, Larose Claret—LsfUte Claret— Leoville Claret—St Jul an's Real Old Jamaica Sum Hennessy's Three Star Brandy And othe. choice brands. ASSORTED OASIW MA*>E HP TO ORDER DIFFERENT BRANDS. BASS'S ENGLISH ALE ON DRAUGHT. ) -, Liberal AUowances marie to wholesale purchasers. TERMS: STBICTLY CASH. Spirits Overproof, the same aa from bonded Store, sold In wit quantity.



J]_~- t■■■; /K^rj-Nl vij&A skF&*"^^^sl«t j«S\ /PtK'lA if W INKS AND H> lJ f Are now opening up their I N EJW S T0 C X OF_ : F.URKij^ I - •;::| s- CARPETS, FLOOK-CLOTHB. ': ■■ .i '■', I SILK AND WORSTED DAMASKS, &$} i 3 .. '<_ ft TAPESTRIES AND BROCATELLE& i '•' ■' '"■:' ■ :': ...... • Lace, Muslin, and Nex ■ '"': ■ i WINDOW CURT AIJf s. BRASS WINDOW CORNICES AND POLE TABLE-COVERS, BILLIARD CLOTHS, BLANKETS, GILT CHIMNEY ANn TOILET GLARES Always on hand, a large stock of well-seasoned > CEDAR, RIM AND KAURI, }' I ' • • . ■■; 1(1 ___f" Agents job the CelebiUlTed t GROVER AND BAKER SEWING MACHIUE / . • *r MoU fit SE. _ 1 FUNERAL UfNDERT JAKBB, " 09 OF HOEBOy-STEEET. '1 \T&W JfEALAND JJOUSE. 66, QUEEN-STREET. : ■ . ■ ": 'i.'i W. EATTEAY'S ';-• J FURNISHING DEPARTMENT Is supplied with a LARGE AND WELL-ASSORTED STOCK *j .! OF BRUSSELS, TAPESTRY, KIDDEBMIHSm AND FELT CARPETS. _y*, 5/8, and;; 3/4 Stair Carpets. ~.■■.; Hearth Rugs, Brush and Chain Door Mats, 1 Floor Olothß (best quality), in all widtM 1 pio new noiseless ( mm Floor Cloth I" Linoleum, ' B Flax and Coir Mattings. j 4-1, 54, 6-4lChina Matting, extra quality. ■ TAJPESTRY AND VELVET PH^i Emb oidered Cloth, ~ 1 Pi .nted Cloth, -~m Tahle Oorers. r Union and Wool Damasks. | Wool Repps. Printed Cabinet Cloth. Cretonnes. . vase, Lace, Leno, and Muslin Curtains, Grew, Buff, and White. Window Hollands, 10/4, 11/4, 12/4. Best Extra. SJ ER BLANKETS- | Cot Blankets. | ®* .f I W. RATTRAY, t NEW ZEALAND H0 U S ' j j QUEEN-STREET. -I