SUPPLEMENT TO THE AUCKLAND EVENING STAR

The Great Gold Secret.

BY DAVID KEBE.

Chaptee I. HIDDEN TBEASXJBe. TV a gold digger—that's about what I ; m You wouldn't take me for an j tfnjjlisbman—would you now ? No, nor , D y one else that knows me; but I am, flow old, about, should you take me ; for ? Fifty-five, eh ? Well, they all somewhere near that; but I'm Lt thirty-seven last month. I dare say j Yon don't believe it; and perhaps you j Laldn't believe it, either, if I told you that all this wrinkling and turning grey «as don 6 in one week. Well, it was, , D (J when I think over it all now. and think that here I am alive after it all, I can hardly believe it myself. Would yon like to bear about it ? Well, sit clown and make yourself comfortable, and 'U tell you. It's nine years ago last St. Valentine's J)ay (I remember all dates well enough, I warrant ye) that I was at ' Frisco with 8 Yankee, name of Seth Hickman. We'd jnet down in Denver, and stood by each other in a row that happened there, and of course that drew us together a bit, and the end of it was we agreed to go pros ?ecting together, and ' share and share alike.' Seth was a sharp fellow, and knew all the likeliest spots, and I could do a day's work with any man in those days, though I ain't much to brag of now, and the end of it was, we made a pretty good haul. When we got to 'Frisco I thought of nothing but banking some of the stuff for a rainy day, and having a spree with the rest, and then starting off again, but Seth didn't seem to see it at all. I noticed that he looked serious like, as if he bad something on his mind, for the first two days after we got into town, and on the second evening, as we were sitting oyer our grog, he spoke out. ' Jim, old boss, I'm a gwine to tell yew something that nary soul in creation knows about but myself, for if yew handn't been some smart with your Derringer when them three skunks went for me down in Denver, they might ha 5 wrote ' Gone vp 1 over this child, and no man ever did Seth Hickman a good turn, or a had turn neither, but what he got cocoanut for yam [tit for tat] yew bet your life on that! 'When I was in Arica last year, I went up country a bit with my rifle, and thar I happened on an old Injin critter, as old as George Washington's nurse, living m a hut all by himself among the spurs of the Andes, and I camped in his hut for the night.' ' Wai, the aguardiente [whisky] in my flask war a leetle too strong for jjhim, and he got loosened by the licker, he kirn but wi' sich a yarn as whipped every thing in Prescott all to fi<s. He said that when the Peruvian chiefs stampeded from Cuzco after Pizarro took it, a lot on 'em got up among the mountains, carrying their gold with 'em, till they klm out on the plateau of Lake Titicaca, and thar, findin' the Spaniards close on their trail, they threw all the gold into the lake, and skedaddled nobody knows where. And he said that if anybody took the trail from his hut, North by East, till they hit the Southern end of the lake, and then looked out a big three cornered rock like a pyramid upside down, they'd jest got to scoop in the mud of the lake whar that rock's shadow fell on it at sunrise, and they'd find 'nuff jold to by up all Wall-street. Now we've got money enough to put that job through, and if-yow feel like tryin' it Xm_

in. I said ' done' at once, and we got our money together, and slipped down the coast to Arica as fast as the Pacific steamer could carry us. The minute we got there, Seth went off into the hills to try and set hold of his old Indian for a guide, while I hunted about for workmen —for this was a*job that required more hands than our own. At last I got hold of two Spaniards two sturdy fellows they were, and honest enough as Spaniards go —and then a Portigee and two niggers. We weren't long of buying our stores and working tackle, and by the time Seth came back with his guide, all was ready, and away we went. Seth was much too knowing a bird to let on what his real game was, as long as we were within hail of the town, for if you say ' gold' there only in a whisper, those blessed Gambusinos [gold-finders] will hear it a hundred miles off. So all that we told onr gang was, that we were going prospecting among the lower ranges, as lots of fellows did every day; but when we were past the old Indian's hut and well up among the hills so that our chaps couldn't easily turn back if they wanted, he up and told them the whole itory. They were rather taken aback, as well they might be, for Lake Titicaca's a good many days' journey the Nor' East, among some very awkward mountains, and a good thirteen thousand feet above the sea, if its an inch. However, a Spaniard (or any other man for that matter) will go pretty neatly anywhere if he once gets on the scent of gold ; so our fellows spoke up stoutly enough, and said they were ready to go up t® the lake, and down to the bottom of it into (he hargain, after such a haul as that; ard off We set again. I've seen a good many wonder 3in my time, knocking about the world as I've done, but anything like that climb up the Andes I never saw yet. Rocks that seemed to go up into the very air, straight as a plumb-line ; beds of moss three or four feet deep, and soft as a velvet cushion; trees two hundred feet high, all one blaze of flowers from top to bottom ; leaves big enough to wrap you up like a blanket: tree ferns big as a tablecloth all glittering like the finest silver lace ; hum ming birds, and monkeys, and parrots, and butterflies as broad as the palm of your hand ; waterfalls sheer down over great bbck precipices a thousand feet high ; and far away behind the everlasting mountains, piled one above another, till they seemed to go right up to heaven. Among all these enormous things we eight men, big ami strong as we were, seemed of no more account than a lot of ants crawling on a blade of grass ; and I think I never felt so small in my life as I did then.

However, I hadn't much, leisure to think about it at the time, ior you can't expect a fellow to have much of an eye for scenery||whea he's hacking his way

through a great cobweb of branches too thick for the light to get through, with his boots full of ants, and his mouth full of gnats, and the damp vapour-bath heat of woods melting him away bit by bit, fifty prickles going into him at once, a thorn-bush scalping him above, and a creeper tripping him up, down below. And so we hammered along, till at last we worked up to the plateau, and saw the^ great lake spreading away before us, as far as we could see. We weren't long of making out the three-cornered crag, nor the shadow neither, for it was just sunrise when we got there, as if o'purpose for us, and once we'd made it out, we hardly waited to take breath before we were at it tooth and nail.

The first day was a regular blank one till just towards snndown, and then the Portigee screeched out suddenly that he'd got something heavy. I helped him to haul up the pan, and there, sure enough, was a bar of gold over a foot long, and nigh as thick as my two fingers here. At that we all shouted at once, and went at it harder than ever, and I really think our chaps would have worked all night, but Seth stopped 'em. He told 'em that the gold wouldn't run away, and that, if they put on too much steam at first, they'd just knock themselves up before they were half through, and that they'd better just light a fire and get dried, and have some supper, and fix up some kind of shelter against the dew, and then start fair next morning. And so they did. The next day, and the next, and the next after thnt, we kept bringing it up in handfuls—gold circlets, and chains, and necklaces, and ingots without end. But on the fifth day I found the provisions getting so low that I was rather scared, for up here there was no game of any sort, there being no vegetation at that height for the game to live on. So we had a council of war. Our chaps had got the gold fever so into their blood by this time, that I verily believe they'd have kept digging on till they died of hunger, but teeth and I, who were a little cooler, talked them over at last. We told 'em that we'd got enough already to make us all as rich as Jews, that we must all starve if we didn't replenish our stock somehow, and ten to one the ' find' was played out (and, indeed, none of us had taken grain that morning), and that, in any case, the lake was always there, and they could come back and try again whenever they liked. So, bit by bit, we worked 'em round, and all started to go back together.

We'd hard woik of it the first part of the way, for our loads were pretty heavy ; and stumbling in and out of these great rocks was no joke, let alone that the five days' work had taken it out of us more than we expected. One of the Spaniards got a bad fall, and not one of us but had his bruises to show. But at last ws got over the barren bit, and found ourselves fairly down again amongst the woods again, and then I began to be jolly, think ing this was the end of it. But it wasn't —it was only the beginning.

Cuaptee 11. DYING BY INCHES . One afternoon, when we'd got well down among the lower ranges, we were just looking about for a place to camp for the Spaniard who had got hurt was beginning to give up), when one of the niggers said suddenly—

'Look, up dar!' I looked up, and there, sure enough, was a man (a savage-looking fellow enough, but evidently no Indian) watch ing us from the top of a ridge a little to the left. He kept looking after us for a little wliile, and thon disappeared as if the earth had swallowed him.

' Don't like that,' says Seth; 'that critter's seen that we carry a heavy swag, and he's gone to tell some of his chums, you bet! 4 When one has found a pumpkin pie He goes and tells the t'others !' ' I feel like campin' in a strange place, to-night, I do!' And so we did—with a deep canon [gorge] behind us, going sheer down nearly a hundred feet, and a thick clump of trees in our front, that made splendid cover, while beyond it the ground was smooth and level for a good eighty yards, so that no living thing could come near us without being seen and fired at. Just as we'd lit our fire and were beginning to cook, we first saw one man and then another, till we'd counted fifteen in all, come zigzagging in and out of the bushes, down the face of the opposite ridge. They halted just at the edge of the thicket, and took a look at the smoke of our fire rising above the trees, and then two of them laid down their rifles, and were coming across the clearing to us, looking as friendly as they could, when Seth shoves his head through the leaves, and says in Spanish : f Gentlemen, we're talking over a little business of our own, and wish to be private, so you'll oblige us by keeping your own side, and we'll keep ours, for we have a way of shooting things that come too near us, and we should be sorry to hit you by mistake !' Back the two beauties went, looking just as silly as a ha'porth of treacle in a two gallon jug, and Seth rubbed his hands and gave a'chuekle. He whispered to me to cut down three or four of the longest creepers, and twist them into a rope, and I, guessing what he was up to, did it with a will. In a few minutes we had a rope that would have stood anything, and then I hitched one end round a tree, and let drop the lotSier down the ravine—the rest making a great shouting and singing meanwhile, by way of a blind. Then the old Indian, who was as nimble as a cat, slid down to the bottom, and we lowered our packs to him one by one. «That's all right,' says Seth ;' and now we'll just take it easy" till dark, and then take passage by this new overland line of ourn.' ■ , But one don't take it easy when there ? a gang of bloodthirsty rascals, twice your strength, and armed to the teeth, every man Jack of them, sitting waiting barely eighty yards off, to cut your throat, and I think I never found any time yet go so slowly as the last two hours before sun down. , ' ' Naow,' says Seth, at last, when the darkness had"'fairly closed in, * I guess we'll begin to leave.' But just then, as if this had been a signal, there came a flash and a bang from the other side of the clearing, and half a dozen bullets came peppering in around the trees. I felt something warm spurt

over my hands, and the nigger who stood beside me fell all of a heap. Like light ning I up piece and let fly, and I heard somebody give a yelp that sounded as if that letter had gone to the right ad dress. And then, for a few minutes, it was just flash, flash! bang, bang! like a firework —Seth and I keeping them in play while the rest slid down one by one. And mighty ugly work it was too, I can tell you, blazing away in the dark with nothing to aim at and hearing the bullets come rattling about you without ever see ing who sent them. The rope was soon clear, and then Seth stuck the dead nig ger against a tree, with his gun across the fork of it, that they might see the glint of the barrel, and think we were still on the watch. Then he slid down, and I after him.

The first thing we did was to take the gold out of the poor nigger's pack, and part it among us. The rest of the things we threw away, as we had thrown away our tools long before (for our only chance was to march as light as possible), and then we set forward along the gully. For some time we could hear the rascals bang ing overhead, but that died away by degrees, and there was a silence as if the world had. just been created, and no life come into it yet. All that night we stumbled along the bottom of the ravine like men groping in a tunnel, sitting down every now and then to rest, but when day came, we saw the rocks on each side getting lower and lower, and the great black pit spreading out broader and shallower, till at last, a little after sunrise, we came out into the forest again. But just then the other nigger sat down, and put bis hand to his side. ' No can go farther, seuor!' I ran up to him, and blest if he hadn't got a big bullet-wound in his side from lust night's scrimmage, and the brave fellow had actually dragged on all night without saying a word about it lest he should keep us back ! I sat down and took his liead on my knee, and he died as quietly as a child, and we covered him with leaves, and left him lying there in the bright morning sunshine, and went forward on our weary tramp again.

it was harder than ever for us now, for we had eight loads among six men, and already I could see one ot the Spani ards beginning to stagger, and the old Indian trembling like a leaf. Then a horrible kind of fear crept over me that we should keep on dropping that way, man after man, till there was only one left, and then —but at that thought I threw up my arms, and gave a sort of a yell, like a maa starting, up from a bad dream. #ut Seth punched me in the ribs with his elbow, and whispered—

' 'Sh ! don't frighten the rest".' And I set my teeth, and choked it down. It may hare been an hour or two after this —I was beginning to lose all count of time now — ' Hurrah !' We all looked up. 1 Here's somethin' civilised at last, by hoecake !' says he. ' Guess we've struck the right track without knowing it. Look here!' Just in front of us was a gully about forty feet deep, through which ran a small stream, and across it lay a bridge— not one of the rope bridges you see in lower Peru, but good solid wood —two long beams from bank to bank, with cross pieces lashed to them, just like the sleepers on a railway. Then we all shouted at once, and stepped out to cross it, but all in a moment, the poor old Indian, who was one of the hindmost, lurched over the edge, and went slap down inta the water, and the gold he carried just sank him like a stone. Whether he'd got hurt m the fight, too, or whether he was just tired and dizzy like the rest of us, I can't say, but down he went, and we never saw him more. So we were cut down to five, and had lost our guide into the bargain. ' That's a bad job/ says Seth ; * but never mind, boys, we must just steer by the light of natur' now. Whar thar's a bridge like that, thar oughter be a trail somewhar.'

Sure enough there was a trail, and we tried to follow it, but we soon lost it again, and tramped on all day at hap hazard, trying to steer by the sun. Towards evening we halted to eat and then pushed on again hot foot, for that was the last of our provisions.

Just as the moon rose we came upon a gully with a bridge across it, and there we all stopped dead, and looked at each other —a look I shall never forget. It was. the same bridge that we had crossed twelve hours before !

That minute's one of the things I never like to think of. There we were, lost in a tropical forest, our guide gone, every man of us as weak, as a child, and not a morsel of food left!

'Well, boys,' says old Seth (who was our mainstay throughout), 'we're in a kind o' fix, thai: ain't no denying it. Waow, I calc'iate this bridge ain't bin long built, by the look of it, and so, instead of going losing ourselves outer everybody's way, I guess we'll jest stick here till some party picks us up—it won't be long, I.reckin. That's my dice; how does it strike yew ?'

We all agreed at once, and, indeed, we were too far gone now for any more marching. So we sat down there for three days, bearing it a8 well as we could, and trying to shoot game between whiles. But our eyes were too dim, and our hands too shaky for that, and the birds and monkeys scurried past, clattering and screaming as if in mockery. And at last we couldn't keep it off any longer, and it came.

The Spaniards died first, and no won der, poor fellows! for though some of them are as brave men as ever stepped they haven't the pith and fibre of an Englishman. The Portigee held out longer, for he had the heart of a lion, but at last he went too, and old Seth and I were left alone.

' Seth,' says I, ' let's bury these poor fellows while we can, for if they're left lying here, and our hunger gets worse, we might be driven to —you know !'

So we wrapped the poor fellows in their blankets, with a heavy stone in each and rolled them over the edge of the ravine down into the water. We buried the gold too, and marked the spot, in case anything should turn up to save us at the last,1 and then we lay down again, as if we liad nothing left to do but to die.

And after that everything seems blur red and hazy, like an ugly dream. The

trees, and the rocks, and the sky seemed to go round • and round in a whirl; and old Seth stood up as tall as a steeple, and great black things came out of the bushes and made faces at me; and then I was sitting under the old tree in the church yard at home, and heard my old mother's voice (who's been dead this five-and twenty years) as plain as print, till all at once there were men's faces and men's voices all round us, and I felt somebody lifting my head, and pouring something into my mouth, and then I fainted right off.

We had been picked tip by a party coming back from the mines, and they carried us down with them to Arica, and we got round again, we went back and dug'up the gold, and gave a lumping lot of it to the wives and children of the poor fellows that bad died for us.

But when I got back after that last week's work, my hair was quite grey—as grey as you see it now. And that's all the story.

A Snake Story.

BY D. BELLE BABNAEB,

'On, my!' exclaimed Myra Randall, starting back from the currant bush, where she had been picking the scarlet fruit, upsetting the pan and nearly tumbling into the asparagus bed, ' I saw a snake.' She had seen one sure enough, and might continue to see him if she liked—for there he lay, sluggishly curled over the top of the currant bush basking in the June sun, a lithe, little creature, eight or ten inches long, graceful as a ribbon and green as an emerald ; a handsome object if one only thought so. Myra recovered her equilibrium and her composure in a moment, and smiled at her fright. Ihe snake was perfectly harmless, she knew, and as her life had been spent on these prairies, stretching away as far as her sight could reach, snakes were no novelty. 'lam as foolish as the boy, who, after being brought up m the woods, was scared at an owl, but I am so nervous and wrought up about Tom,' she said, half to herself, as she picked up the pan and moved off to a distant bush, ' that it seems as if I should fly to pieces.' A few bunches of fruit were gathered to replace the spilled ones, but her heartfwas not interested in currant jelly, and, after workjng listlessly a few moments, she sat down on the grass, her hands folded over the pan in her lap, and her eyes on the ground, lost in troubled thought, t-he made a pretty picture, the June sun shine sifting its gold through the thick foliage of an apple tree down upon her, the pensive droop of the head; the pretty, girlish face and figure, with yet a touch of matronly dignity about them, for Tom—the great, good-natured fellow, who never could say ' no' to any one, and who was his own worst enem y —had been her husband a yeai. Tom, who had stumbled home at an early hour this morning from the town —a new railway station a half-mile away—and, waiting only to rid himself of his boots, had tum bled into bed where he lay now, sleep ing off his tipsiness, while, in all the glory of June weather, the hours crept toward noon. He' drnttit-Hio^^gHitoJi, W Jjionda had warned her, when Myra first knew him, but she was willing to try the very uncertain experiment of re forming him, and, for a while after their marriage, it seemed as if she would be successful, but the new rail road with its evil associations drew him from her influence, and for months he had been going from bad to worse, until Myra was well-nigh discouraged. A drifting leaf from the apple tree fell on her hand, rousing her from the study into which she had fallen, and, starting up, she turned to go into the house, when the little green snake she had seen before slip ped across the . path into the grass. A sudden thought struck her, an in spiration, as a woman's best thoughts always are ; she hesitated a moment, and then threw the pan, currants and all, at the snake, stunning it slightly, and then, with, a little qualm of aver sion, gathered it in her apron and ran into the house. A moment later she was shaking Tom, and calling Mm to get up. 'Come, come, it is nearly noon, and you have had no breakfast, I should think you would be hungry by this time. Come, I have made a currant pie. You know how well you like that.' Tom roused himself and sat up on the side of the bed, stretch ing and yawning and rubbing his blood-shot eyes. He was not abashed to meet Myra's reproachful glances. After the first of these sprees he had been, but he was getting hardened now. f Put on your boots and come out of this close room. See what a beautiful day it is.' , And she flung open the door and the low cottage windows that opened on the ground. After a few more stretches Tom lazily picked up one of his boots and inserted his foot into it, when he encountered something strange, and drawing it off quickly, turned it upside down, when a snake "slipped out and disappeared under the bed. 'My goodness, Myra, did you see that?' he asked, fully awake now. 'See what?' said Myra looking vacantly at him. ' Why, that snake!'

' A snake,' she repeated, looking at him with astonishment, ' what snake ?' ' Why that snake that came out of my boat, a little green snake.' '• Oh Tom,' she said, in consternation,' you don't really think you saw a snake, do you ? You are just trying to frighten me.' 'Nonsense, Myra, don't be-a fool,' he said irritably 'think I saw one, I know I did, it dropped right

out of my boot, and sneaked away under the bed, where it is now, I'll be bound,' and he made preparations to look. 'O don't, Tom,' she cried, don't you k!now its your imagination ? Don't excite yourself, please, that will only make it worse. Oh! dear, what shall Ido for Mm? Lie down right where you are, and let me bring you a cup of coffee, that will settle your nerves. Oh! it is all that horrible stuff you drink,' she said, sobbing, shedding real tears of nervousness and apprehension that wet her ruffled apron, and made her little nose as red and shining as a cherry. ' Why, what on earth is the matter? Is the woman crazy V exclaimed the bewildered Tom.

1 1 knew it would come to this/ she cried, ' hut I didn't think it would be quite so soon. The doctor said you would go on until—until you saw snakes and all sorts of terrible things and went crazy, and raved round; but I was hoping itvvould never happen, but it has, it ha and oh, dear, what shall I do?' Having gotten a good star!, the tears! came without any effort, and she threw herself on Tom's broad breast in an abandonment of

grief. ' Hush, Myra,' ho said, touched by her tears, as he smoothed her shining hair, 'it's you that are crazy with borrowing trouble, child; I did not imagine anything; I saw a snake a3 plain as I see you, and I felt him, be sides, with my foot, the mushy little wretch. He must have crept in the house some way and got into my boot.' She shook her head, her face still hidden, and said, as though she wished to believe him, but reason would not let her, ; How could he get in, Tom, when I closed all the doors and windows so the flies wouldn't trouble you? No,' deliberately and with a long drawn sigh, 'it was an' optical delusion, the result of an overwrought brain, that's what the doctor said.' Tom paled a little at the suggestion of her words. She <vas so sure, and ho had such faith in her; besides, his mind hadn't seemed as clear as usual lately, his eyes were blurred, and things that used to be jplain were somehow muddled to his understand ing now. But a mar- doesn't readily doubt the testimony °f his own eyes, and he laid Myra dov^ and began"'a thorough search of t^e room. ' You won't find it, dear/ elf said, in a pity ing voice, looking at rim with compas sionate eyes, 'I wouldn't think any thing more about it if I were you. ome out and get something to eat. Your nerves are all unstrung; after that we will forget al- about the snake.' And he did. not fijid it, though he extended his search to the door-yard and flower-beds. D^ing the parley it had made good its escape, .and neither he nor Myra ever saw it again. But it set him to linking. Be be gan to realize that Jie had been going to destruction at a very fast pace 'Although this was a little, grass, snake,' he cogitated* and I knew it was a real live snake/ he kept assuring himself in a way thjj-t proved he was, by jjajneans certainj_'the next I see may belt fiery one-/ And'" the cß»ctor has been expecting all these things to happen/ mused the honest fellow; '-he said something' j about it •to me once, but I ' woulln-1 Ifeten, but it has worried M [tea nearly to death, I suppose. X did not think f had gone so far, hut one slips'into bad ways be fore one knows it; hut there is one thing I do kndw, I have not, gone so far yet but that lean go s back.' And he then and.there? inade i& .resolution, to break off from' his,; carousing asso ciates and go to work on his neglected farm. This was a turning-point in his lite, and, with a determined heart he- took the first steps in the right direction. . ],_■

Tears later the railway water-tank and signal station h*d become a gre,at, thriving town. Like seed dropped on the rich prairie soil^hey had produced a growth almost beyond belief jjbhe farm had long since been cut f up into, building, lots, and ]y(r. Jhcwnas Ban^all was * one pfv our wealthiest and,inost influential citizens.', He often said, as a word of warning. tp : young men.given to dissipation, and i-n encouragement for them to reform, j that ;lie hai once gone so far as to ;see snakes.,in his boots, and had yet, Jfjeen able to break off and give up drink for ever. never smiled when. |sh\e.heard this. She remembered $boV> well 5 all the troubles of her early married life, and besides, she, hadr heard him... tell the story so often she had almost come to believe it herself.

A ' maiden' speech.-^-Yes. Material for kites.'—l?ly-papers, "V • The Cause of Woman Suffrage.—Scar* city of husbands. ' - •>

What is it which has,a mouth and never speaks and a bed and never sleeps Pt-A river.', . .' A blind mendicant wears this'inscrip fcion round his neck :f-' Don't be aahamed to give only a halfpenny. I can't see,' He who-trpubles hiihself more than he needs grieves also m<^re than is necessary; for the same weakne^s; which makes him anticipate his -miseryifliakes him enlarge it too.' ;:. '-ft . •».'' ■' •'-' ! Singing • Miikmalids.'—Terily music hath charms for many a dull ear,, and is: even profitable, *too,', where least expec ted. J&ysyitzerland ajmilkmaid who.is,.a good, singer gets more salary than otfiets, because under the influence, of music the cows 'give down ' better andf give more milk. An Orange County farmer thinks seriously of trying to hire Parepa-Rosa i and Kellogg tdsmg round his pump. ; '

About Ice Cream.

The Logic op Inference—-Insinuation

Sometimes Passes foe. Tktjth.

[From The Detroit Free Press.]

He slipped into an ice-cream saloon very softly, and when the girl asked him what he wanted ha replied : • Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles and mince pie.' ' This is not a restaurant; this is an ice-cream parlour,' she said. ' Then nhy did you ask me what I wanted? Why didn't you bring out yonr ice cream ?' She went after it, and as she returned he continued :

' You se.e, my dear girl, you must infer —you must reason. It isn't likely that I would come into an ice-cream parlour to buy a grindstone, is it? You didn't think I came in here to ask if you had any baled hay, did you T She looked at him in great surprise, and he went on: ' If I owned a hardware store, and you came in, I would infer t.hat you came for something in my line. I would'nt step out and ask you if you wanted to buy a mule, would IP' ■» j She went away mghly indignant. An old ladj was devouring a dish of cream at the next table, and the stranger, after watching her for a moment, called out: ' My dear woman, have you found any hairs or buttons in your dish ?' ' Mercy ! no !' she exclaimed, as she wheeled around and dropped her spoon. . 'Well I'm glad of it,' he continued. ' If you find any just let me know.' Sue looked at him for half a minute, picked up the spoon, laid it down again, and tlien rose up and left the room. She must have said some thing to the proprie tor, for he came running In and exclaimed j ' Did you tell that woman that there were hairs and buttoms in my ice cream ?' 'No, sir.' 'You didn't?' ' No, sir, I did not; I merely requested her, in case she foun.d any such ingre dients, to inform me.' ■ " Well sir, that was a mean trick.' ' My dear sir, said the stranger, smiling softly,' did you expect me to ask the woman if she had found a crow-bar or a sledge-hammer in her cream! It is impossible, sir, for such articles to be hidden away in such small dishes !'

The proprietor went away growling, and as the stranger quietly supped away at his cream two youn? ladies came in, sat down near him and' ordered cream and. cakes, ire waited until they had eaten a little and then h<j remarked : ' Beg pardon, ladies, bpA do you observe anything peculiar in the taste of this cream ?'

They tasted, smacked: their lips, and were not certain.

' Does it taste to you as if a plug of tobacco had fallen into the freezer?' he asked. ! .

'Ah ! kah!' they exclaimed, dropping their spoons and trying to spit out what they had eaten. Both rushed out. and it wasn't long before the proprietor rushed in.

' See here, what in blazes are you talk ing about ?' he demand cd. ' What do you mean by plug tobacco in the freez?r ?' ' My kind friend, I ai $ked the ladies if this cream tasted of plug tobacco. I don't taste any such taste. end I don't believe you used a bit of tobacco in it!'

' Well, you don't want to talk that way around here!' continued the proprietor. 'My ice cream is pure, and the man who says it isn't tells a:bold lie !' He went away again, and a. woman with %Jkmg neck and asa d face sat down «n<3 staid .to the gicj tiiai siia.3srpnldiaka_a_ small dish of lemon ice.

It was brought, and t! ehe had taken about two mouthfuls, "^rien the stranger inqiured: ' Excuse me, madam, Tout do you kribw how this cream was made—have you an idea that they grated turnip and chalk with the cream ?'

She didn't reply. Slie rose up, wheeled around, and made for the door. The stranger followed after, and, by great good luck, his coat-tail* cleared-the door an instant too soon to be'struck by a five pound box of. figs hurled witk great force .by the iiidignaht, proprietor^' As he reached the curbstone the halted, looked at the door of the parlour and soliloquized .• ' THere are times when people should infer, and there are times when they shouldn't. I suppose jf J had asked that womaniif she thought they^ hashed up a sawmill in, the cream, she'cl have felt a circular-saw going down Ker throat.'

A Remarkable Balloon Ascent.

Mia; ' Ooxwell -w^it.ef to <th% London limes on, July 22nd; ' Although the continuance of > bad '\ and thr«atenihg vjreatber on * >Monday last i did ' not present veiyfavburable auspices for a trip in*nubibufyiitill I am •glad to have been In the higher regions on that day, as! I. experienced the most ■ singular and yet delightful journey I ever had inmylthirty year's travels; ixi the air. A public ascent having been announced from the Crystal Palace with'my bal loon .'- City of York;' I; wak determined notwithstanding, meteorological diffi eultiesi to :, carry; it "but. At the specified time I rose with, five gentle men; and we passed abouteighty feet over the norths tower, and in less than ': two minutes entered a cloud of a misty, und^ifinable character, and soon became lpst tbview. The^uctiiations of pressure and temperature were most capricious"; but the chief feature of this ascent, and it is one which deserves notice,' was the place "of descent. As compared with some of my most- noteworthy journeys in England/it stands out conspicuously, not for height or spe^d, but for another point,;, which X will i explain. The quickest and longest trips I ever made in our own country were from Wool wichJ/to'Tavistocfcj in 'five hours, a distance of over 200 -mileai :j also from i Winchester to Harrow, ifr sixty-six minutes, a: run of more than 70 miles. Novi on Monday, we had been, up' mord than two hours and a half., : "We twici peeped; through the cloudr and

observed open country, then reas eended, and finally, a little before 8 o'clock, we were on the point of landing for good, when, to our aston ishment, on breaking threragh the mist we found ourselves almost perpendicularly over the north tower of the Crystal Palace, instead of miles and miles away as we had anticipated. It would have been no difficult mattes? to come down in the company's grounds, but as there was a dense mass of people in the neighbourhood, I was* apprehensive of danger to the flower beds, so we kept up awhile, and fell m with a gentle breeze near the ground, which wafted us half a mile from thee place; but if we had not had enough) ballast to spare, we might have made an unscientific descent upon the house tops, instead of a proper aeronautic halt in a grass field at Dulwich.'

Poetry.

PUTOENT CONSIDBEAT lONS CF THE VARIOUS TJEA.DES AND CALLINGS,

Of all the trades that men may call Unpleasant and offensive, The Editor's is worst of all, For ha is ever pensive ; His lea Jers lead to nothing high, His columns are unstable, And though the printers make him pie, It does not suit his table.

The Carpenter—his course is plane, Mis bit is always near him ; He augurs every hour of gain ; He chisels—aid none jeer him ; He shaves, yet is not close, they say; The pub"c pay his board, Sir ; Pull cf wise saws, he bores away, And so he swells his hoard, Sir; £t. Chrispin's son—the man of shoos, Bus all things at control. Sir; He waxes wealthy in his views, But ne'er neglects his sole, Sir; His is, indeed, a heeling trade ; And when he comes to casting Tfcie tofl-t*l profits he has made, We and his ends are listing. Tho Tailor, too, gives fits to all, Yet never gets a bastiag; His Cibbivges, howevsr small, Are most deli'ions tasting; '~ ' Bis goose is heated—happy prig ! Unstinted in his measure, Ho always plays at thimble-rig, And seems a man of pleasure. ; . Tl'e Farmer reaps a fortune plump, Though harrowed, far from woe, Sir ; HU spade for ever proves a trump, Hi 3 book is I've-an-hoe, Sir,

The Sailor on the giddy mast— Comparatively master- Has many a bulwark round him cast To wave away disaster ; E'en shrouds to him are fall oflife. His mninstay still is o'er him A gallant-, and top-gallant crew Of beaux esptits before him.

The sturdy Irish labourer picks And climbs to fame—tis funny ! fio deals with none but regular bricks, Ana so he pockets money; One friend sticks to him (mortar 'tis) In hodden gray, unbaffled. He leaves below an honest name ■. i When he ascends the scaffold.

The Printer, though his case is hard, Yet sticks not at his hap, Sir; Tis his to canonize the bard, And trim a Roman cap, sir. Some go to forty—what of that?

Jtte goes it by the thousand; " A man of form, and fond of fat, He loves these lines I now send.

The Engine-driver, if-we track His outward semblance deeper, Has got some very tender traits— ■ He ne'er disturbs the. sleeper; And when you switch him ss he goes, He whistles all th» louder; And should you brake him on the wheel, It only makes him prouder. .

I launched this skiff of rhymes upon The trade winds of the mures,: . Through puagent seas they've'borne it on. The boat no rudder uses: ': " ' So masticate ite m'anJcg once, I And judge not sternly of It— You'll find a fre ght bf "little puns, And vtfry.little profit.. , ; ■

"Shambock."

Portable Beer Powder.

AnL evilfuture_is^ imjmrtjaUsyerggi^gg—-- Tor hoththe apostles ;of" the bill and the great public-house interest itself. Science, with its wonted absence of prejudice, has fust dealt each side of the question a knock-down blow. A Frankfort journal reports that' a chemiai of that city has lately given a public ex hibition; of his ability to make delicious ; beer at a moment's notice rbut of nothing ■ but a small quantity of brownish powder' ' and a pail of water.. It. is said that cer- ' tain experts present-t-some of iithemn. brewers themselves—:CJ3uid not distinguish between the beverage thus made:on the spot and that draw.n from the "orthodox cask. The new beer powder can.be sold;;-: at five-pence ah ounce, an,d one ounce is '<}> sufficient to' produce a gallop of beer. At this rate a glass of ale" will cost about' r a farthing. And the process1 is so simple. Take some pure; colid water, put the pow der into it, stir well, and; thefbeei- isl ready. ;: The inventor, rm.oreov.er,..declares that by a slightchange in .hisi.ingredient*i he can f alter the quality .of. tjie.. beer,, and produceol ■'» any kind that: may, be.. desired... Shortlyi^7 therefore, a great, reyolntion. may;be ex« - pected. ; With a few grains of Bass in one pocket, and a : pinch ..or..t.wo.o£.ladand Coope in the ; other,,, the th&sty> tui nbt i even,bona fide traveller of;rth'e, future, will 3o calmly make for the nearest.pump, and■-» bir Wilfred-Lawson' and- to the licensed victualler.^ Pall MaU -(&zet#: "^% ■:. — .^.lt-

_ TnE Jelling MINU.-It: is, terkble' fl this spelling mania; (confesses an Ameri '; can contemporary}. You" are stopped 1 spare time to the dictionary'; your eldest?' boy comes bomelateat night in weeping!:, mood, ahd exclaims his sbrrbw thus—' I went to'see Mary'—his sweetheart-^' this ji e^enmg; ; she afcthe door with i ' 'Spell erys.pelas, Tom I' I spelt ife: with •> ■ two is dud no y, and she said,'' Sir, our engageineht is at an end; I .cannot love a ' bad speller^fiy'mbre/ ffer fa'iher, on bemg^appealed to says, 'Give Tom one more. rmLv ffijj I spelkdit^rith fourn'sand^wb a'sl wd 17' he bade_ me leave.the house and ne^r-' hope to be his son-in-law ■ wWti (Dorsetshire^the pe^le hlf TssS* ' predxlectkm' for givin/Heb^anSl" their children at baptism.-:•■ 8 0 2f the churchyard of his own pansl th«W -' tombstone whichhealw^S^ to his friends who were interested !!?2!FF inatje^ on. which^eiig^^^^^