EDISON OUTDONE.

Professor Wuffix, the eminent inven tor, honored the State with a visit this morning. A reporter, noted for his volubility, engaged him in conver sation. The Professor listened very patiently, but at length casually placed his left hand on the reporter’s knee. The flow of talk at once moderated, and the Professor, availing himself of the opportunity, placed his right hand on the other knee. Within two seconds the reporter was fast asleep. “ How was it done?” asked the astonished editor, who witnessed the performance. “ Come this way and I Jwill show you,” said Mr. Wuffix. Stepping into a private room, he threw up his coat tails and disclosed between his shoulder blades what ap peared to be a 99 cent, clock. “ That,” said he, “ is a battery, the wires of which extend under my coat sleeves to the palm of my hands, as you see,” showing the ends of the wires in his hands. “ These ends, the elec trodes or positive and negative poles of the battery, are saturated (see here the little sponges) with a solution of double distilled strychnine and morphine. The former produces paralysis of the tongue, the latter induces sleep, and that is the whole instrument. It is the reverse of the phonograph, the one being a talk ing machine, the other a machine to stop talk.” “ And what is it good for ?” “ It is too early yet to say what the ultimate results of it may be, though I regard it as the greatest of all my in ventions ; but we may already conceive several benign purposes which it will subserve.

“For example, what ?” “ Let us suppose,” said the learned Professor, “ that the head of the family so far forgets himself as to imagine that there is immediate need of him down town the moment he swallows his break fast—in other words, that his business is of importance, and demands attention. The being whom he adores, under the stimulus of coffee, begins to stream in ideas or their substitute, called words —” “ Aha !” said the editor, “ I see.”

“Placingboth hands on her shoulders he bestows a salute on her radiant and unsuspecting brow, and by the time she is fairly awake he is comfortably quartered in his counting-house. “ Just so. Can you mention another case ?”

“ On those trying occasions, when, in the hall way of any residence, the visit ing female and the female visited begin to indulge£those simultaneous and inter minable vocal interchanges with which all are unhappily too familiar, the visit ing male and the male visited have it in their power, by secret co-operation,, to bring about as it were an abrupt but at the same time unsuspected, harmless and pleasurable suspension of pour parlees, and thus to escape those un seemly and'quickly regretted explosions of irrascibility to which the males, both visiting and visited, are too often sub ject, so soon as they are alone with the respective partakers of their matrimonial felicity,” “ Exactly!” exclaimed our editor, “ but what name do you propose for your valuable instrument ? “ Its technical name will be the * Phonophleg, or Sound Consumer,’ but it will popularly be known as the ‘ Husband’s Delight,’ ” . “ And will it be cheap ?” “ It will be within the reach even of the professional journalist.” The answer beingentirelysatisfactory, the Professor was tired out and de parted.

FORGETFUL OF THE TEXT.

A slight contretemps (says the Dune din A%e) occurred in the Episcopalian Church in this city a few Sundays ago. The Rev. arranged to take

the place of the incumbent, but he had his buggy upset and was rendered nearly hors de combat. Feeling upset and nervous, he asked a reverend-look ing adult chorister to read the lesson for the day, and the genial youth com plied. Unluckily, although a diligent chorister, he was badly up in Biblical knowledge. The leaves of the Sacred Writ were turned ove , but the reader was dumb. More leaves were revolved, and he blushed crimson. Suddenly he seized on a passage and gasped out something about “ Sampson and Deli lah,” but a sympathetic groan from a bystander made him aware of his blun der. Again the book was ransacked, and a new passage was found. In a low tone of voice this youth commenced the anecdote about “ Balaam and his Ass.” There was another- groan from a grave old gentleman in the front pew, and an unmistakable giggle from the female cho risters. The reader, f:om being per plexed, began to loo.c wild, and at length summoned courage to make a bound for the Rev. -~*<.. — who, “as in duty bound,” discovered Mi® text and helped the amateur pi his difficulty,

Consistency,—lf you have a friend in pri vate-let him be what he will —you are bound by honor and the law of self-respect, bound by fidelity to your flag, to be his friend in public. Ilis character may be shaky, but the creaking of those loose hinges, which has not warned you off in the safe disguise of the night, must not make you ashamed of recognition in the day. It may be hard, but it has to be done. Be a purist if you will, and decline companion ship with men whose moral hinges hang loose and awry ; but, if you do forgather in solitude, you must not turn your back in the crowd. Yet how many people are of this twofold kind --fair and soft as silk when no one is neai, reserved, cool, repudiating their own acts of yesterday when the world stands by with Us tar-brush to sprinkle the companions of those whom it has already splashed.

Tlie Evening Echo, Friday, October 11, 1878.



WANTED, a Apply to Few Good CARPENTERS. GEORGE PARKIN, Ashburton Steam Sawmills. MR. C. W. PURNELL, BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR. Chambers — MONTGOMERY’S BUILDINGS. MESSRS. HOBBS & CO., MERCHANT TAILORS; Christchurch HAVE much pleasure in informing the Gentlemen of the Ashburton District that, in response to the invitation of several influential residents, Mr. F. Flobbs will, on Saturday next, be ptepared to take orders from their New Spring and Summer Patterns at Quill’s Hotel, Ashburton. Arrange ments will be made to fit on all coats, and a Perfect Fit will be guaranteed. HOBBS & CO. TO WELL-SINKERS. THE Ashburton Borough Council invite Tenders for SINKING a WELL in East Street. Specifications may be seen at the office of the undersigned between the hours of IO and 12 forenoon and 3 and 5 afternoon. Tenders to be sent to my office before noon on Monday, 21st instant. CHARLES BRADDELL, Town Clerk. Ashburton, nth-October, 1878. AMALGAMATED SOCIETjY OF CARPENTERS AND JOINERS. A MEET IN G of the ASPIBURTON A BRAN CPI will be held at Shear man’s Sample Rooms, on SATURDAY evening, October 12 at ElGHTo’clock sharp. Business : Election of officers. WILLIAM LEG GET, P». S. ASHBURTON GAS, COAL, AND COKE COMPANY (LIMITED). A GENERAL MEETING of Shareholders in the above Company will be held on MONDAY, 21st OCTOBER, at 3 p.m., in the Town Flail, Ashburton. Business: The adoption of Articles of Association. The election of Permanent Directors. The adoption of Provisional Directors’ Re mit, And other Business. Shareholders residing at a distance will be :ntitled to vote by proxy. JOSEPH IVESS, Secretary, pro tern.



COAL! COAL!! COAL! ! ! FOR SALE, WITHOUT RESERVE. MESSRS. BULLOCK & CO. have re ceived instructions to sell by public auction, at their Timber Yards, on Saturday, 12th October — 30 Tons Malvern Coal, from the Wallsend Company’s Pit. Without reserve. Sale at 12 o’clock sharp. BULLOCK & CO., Auctioneers. TO STATIONERS, SHOPKEEPERS AND OTHERS. FOR SALE BY PUBLIC AUCTION. MESSRS. BULLOCK & CO. have re ceived instructions to sell by public auction, at their rooms, East Street, •ON MONDAY 14TH INST., Without reserve, A large and well-selected assortment of- — Stationery, Ledgers, Cash Books, Jour nals, Books, Cards, Drawing Blocks, Albums, Musical Boxes, Magic Lan terns, Mathematical Instruments, Work Boxes, Maps, Concertinas, Desks, Letter Presses, Barometers, and a large assortment of Fancy Goods. Sale at 2 o’clock sharp. BULLOCK & CO., Auctioneers. ASHBURTON SWEEPSTAKE ON THE CANTERBURY CUP. ■'O be run for at CHRISTCHURCH, on NOVEMBER 6th, 1878. 1000 Members, at 10s. each. First Horse Second do. ... Third do Starters divided Non-Starters divided Drawing to take place on TUESDAY, Ist NOV. Tickets to be had fiom A. PEARCE, Hon. Treasurer. Tobacconist and Hairdresser, No&fi; Strsst, Ashburjon, 100 So 75 75



TO LET. —Four-roomed Cottage, on the North Town Belt. Apply to C. PERCY COX. FENCING. TENDERS are invited until THURSDAY next, at 7 p. m., for Fencing in the Race course ; labor only. Specifications and par ticulars may be seen at the Road Board Office. TAMES WILKIE, Ron. Sec. STRONG BOY WANTED to work at a Printing Machine. Apply ECHO Office. WANTED A Few Young Eadses as Apprentices to the Dressmaking. A. O. AITKEN & CO. WANTED —An Apprentice for the Print ing Business. None but a Respectable Intelligent Boy need apply. ECHO Office CANARIES —Wanted to Purchase at once, Two Cock Birds, not less than two years Apply ECHO Office. FOR SALE. A QUARTER-ACRE SECTION in Have lock Street, on very easy terms. Apply ECHO Office. BOARD and Residence for a Respectable Single Gentleman at a Private House Terms, £1 is. per week. No Family. Apply Echo Office. BOARDERS. —Accommodation for Two or Three Respectable Boarders in a Pri vate Family, on the North Belt, Ten Minutes walk from the Railway Station. Terms, per week. Apply ECHO Office. SONS OF TEMPERANCE BENEFIT SOCIETY. rlllS useful institution meets every alter nate P'riday in the New Templar Hall, ,'loore Street. New members invited. All [Formation can be obtained from Bros. G. W. Andrews, East Town Belt; Iv. Sando, East Street; Thos. Williams, Tinwald. Next meet ng on the 27th insl. h A. J. ANDREWS, R.S. NEVER Was there A Better Opportunity OF BUYING FOR CASH. F. DOHERTY BEGS to remind his Customers and Friends that he is Selling Every Article in Stock at the LOWEST Possible PRICE for CASH. SPRING AND SUMMER DRAPERY AND Ready-made Clothing, Just Arrived, OF THE LATEST STYLES ONLY. Washing Machines Just Imported, of the Latest Improvements for Saving Labor. AMERICAN TUBS, all Sizes, Iron & Wood. CAMBRIDGE ROLLERS in Stock. F armors’ Requisites, GARDEN TOOLS, And Seeds of every description. In Stock and to Arrive. F. DOHERTY, GENERAL STOREKEEPER, IMPORTER, WINE AND SPIRIT MERCHANT, Peter Street, Ashburton. CHARLES BRADDELL, ACCOUNTANT & GENERAL AGENT, Agent for Press Company, Limited. Secretary Town Flail Company. Agent for National Insurance Company. Removed to Montgomery’s Buildings, entrance from East and Burnett Streets.



CANTERBURY DYE WORKS. (Near the Post Office) CHRISTCHURCH. J SELLARS is still Dyeing to Live, and # Living to Dye. Ashburton Agents: WE EK S & DIXON, Where particulars may be obtained, and Orders left. Wood Turner and Venetian Blind Maker. JOSEPH RULE Moore Street. r S prepared to execute all orders for Wood i, Turning, Venetian Blinds, Bedsteads, Tables, and every class of Furniture. Window Poles on hand, or made to any sixe.



BAKERS’ NOTICE WE the undersigned Bakers of Ashbur ton, beg to inform the Public that on and after the 26th August, we will reduce the price of the Quartern Loaf to jd delivered and 6y z y 1 over-the counter for cash. We trust that the public will still continue to support us, and take into consideration that we are not Millers, but Bakers, and are paying a LONG PRICE for GOOD FLOUR, so that we may satisfy the public? by supplying a good article, free from all adulteration. Let this be your motto — “LIVE AND LET LIVE” Signed— THOMAS HICKS. THOMAS TAYLOR. MASSON & GRANT. JOB LOT. 9DOZ. Ladies’ Colored Josephine KID GLOVES, slightly spotted, will be sold 1/- PER PAIR. ORR & CO. T. CHAMBERS, gO O T AND -SHOE MAKER East Street, Begs to notify to the public of Ashburton that he has now in Stock a Splendid Assortment of Boots and Shoes from the Best Makers, and all orders entrusted to him will have every attention. Boots and Shoes, sewn or pegged made to order of every description and the very best materials. Terms Cash. T. CHAMBERS, PROSPECT BUILDINGS (Next to Montgomery’s), EAST STREET. WORKER’S EMPIRE BOARDING HOUSE [(Opposite Parkins’s Steam Saw Mills). MR. G. WORNER begs to intimate to the public of Ashburton that he has pur chased the Boarding-house recently kep by Mr. T. Bradford, and having made extensive alterations, he is now prepared to supply first class accommodation to boarders, and others visiting Ashburton. Meals 1 /-, Beer given with dinner Board per week, £\. G. WORNE MESSRS. HARRIS & IRELAND, BARRISTERS and SOLICITORS Will shortly commence the practice of their j profession in Ashburton. W. R. BOYLE, STATE AND GENERAL AGENT MOORE STREET, ASHBURTON. DR. STEWART [AS REMOVED to his New Residence, RNER Ob' MOORE STREET AND BEACH ROAD. FREDK. PAVITT, EAST STREET, ASEIBURTON. (Ci.ose to the Railway Station.) Land and General Commission Agent.



JAMES PORTER, PRACTICAL GARDENER, GARDENS laid out and kept in order by day or contract All kinds of Jobbing Work done on the Shortest Notice. jBST Please note the Address — ATWORTH HOUSE, North Town Belt, near Saunders’ Mill. Orders can be left at this office.



WATCHMAKER, JEWELLER, c-,<\ : ';. O'er". ■&* OPTICIAN, &c., &c. ALWAYS for Sale a Large Stock of Eng lish, American, Geneva, and other Watches; French, American, and Other Clocks; Concave and Convex Spectacles; Reading Glasses ; Wedding and other Rings ; Barometers ; Thermometers ; Eye Protectors ; Goggles ; Pocket Knives ; Scissors and other Cutlery, by Rogers. To Arrive by “ Star,” brig, from New York, 6 Cases of American Clocks—all New Styles. J. P. PARKER, WATCHMAKER, JEWELLER, &C. (Two doors above Bullock & Co.’s Auction Rooms), . EAST STREET, ASHBURTON,



GRAND SHOW OF New Goods are now °P en i n g up a second shipment of USTZETW GOODS, Consisting of Gents.’ Black Satin Hats Gents.’ White Shirts Gents.’ Black Cloth Suits Gents. ’ Double and Single Breasted Suits ’ Gents.’ Felt Hats Gents.’ Kid Gloves Gents.’ Colored Shirts FLOWERS. io boxes New Flowers 5 ~ New Feathers 30 ~ New Ribbons 50 shades of Bonnet SilksJtofmatch J New Ribbons POPLINS & SILKS. A large assortment' of l real Irish Poplins, direct from Pim Brothers, of Dublin. PRINTS. An immense assortment of New Prints, French Checks, and Stripes in great variety. COSTUMES. A large assortment of New Costumes are now being opened up. ROOTS & SHOES. JUST RECEIVED, 10 TRUNKS NEW BOOTS. Men’s Watertights, pegged and riveted. Ladies’ Kid Boots in great variety. Children’s Boots of every make. DRESSMAKING DEPARTMENT. This department is managed by a First-class Dressmaker, with competent assistants. A PERFECT FIT GUARANTEED. Prices Strictly Moderate. ORR AND CO.



NEW DRAPERY ESTABLISHMENT GLASGOW HOUSE, MONTGOMERY'S BUILDINGS,] EAST STREET, ASHBURTON. W. GAYIN HAS great pleasure in announcing to the inhabitants of the Ashburton County that he is now offering, at the LOWEST PRICES, New Spring and Summer -Goods. Millinery, Prints, Hosiery, Children’s Frocks, Toilets Horrockses’ and American Long Cloths Muslin and Lace Window Curtains Marseilles and Honey Comb Counterpanes Haberdashery and Gloves Men’s Boys’ and Youths’ Clothing Shirts, Hats, Ties, etc. Goods marked in Plain Figures. One Shilling Off Every Pound Purchased for Cash. Motto Small Profits and Quick Returns.” TEA. TEA. ioo BOXES 50 HALF-CHESTS The above will be found Pure, combined with strength and Fine Flavour. ORIENTAL TEA COM PANY’S, in lib and i/lb packets. We are Agents for this Tea, and would advise the public to give it a fair trial, as it is highly spoken of. ORE & GO - NOTICE ! NOTICE !! NOTICE !!! REMOVAL, Firth, Pass, & Go. Beg to inform the Inhabitants of Ashburton and surrounding districts that they have REMOVED TO THEIR HEW PREMISES Next the Union Bank of Australia • EAST STREET. piRTH, PASS, & CO. take this oppor, tunity of thanking their numeious customers who have so liberally supported them hitherto, and to solicit a continuance of their patronage at the NEW. PREMISES, TO HE CALLED The Old Bank Stores (LATE UNION bank). Orders entrusted to our care will re ceive prompt attention. Families waited on for orders weekly. FIRTH, PASS, AND CcC _ Grocers, Drapers, Ironmongers, WINE AND SPIRIT MERCHANTS, &c, ; • i ; » . ' A t * v ' r ; * ' EAS? Street,