The Ashburton Guardian.

Vol xxi. no. 5183

Ashburtoi^ ; Monlay, August 6 1900.

pbice One Pentif

FUNNIOSITIES

A:" Is your wife of a sunny dis position ?" B: (l Yes*—the mikes it pretty warm for me sometimes. " Why is the North Pole like an illicit whisky manufactory? —Because it is a secret still. Wanted : A mm who is as lenient to his neighbours'faults as he is to his own. It was a mean editor that headed the account of a death from delirium tre mens " Spirited Away." A preacher, raising his eyes from his desk in the midst of his sermon, was paralysed with amazement to tee his own son in the gallery pelting the hearer! in the pews belotf with horse chestnuts— pat while the good man was preparing a frown of reproof, the young hopeful cried oat, " You 'tend*to your preach ing, daddy, I'll keep them awake." Tommy : •< Father, if 1 take half- i crown out of somebody's pocket, that's stealing, isn't it ? " Mr Figg ; "Certainly—and if I bet half-a crown, and win his half-a-crown, that's sampling." Tommy :" And if IVe got something worth only half-a-crowa, and sell it to him for five shillings—what is that?" Mr Figg : " That—Oh—why, that's business, Tommy,—simply business. " Druggist: " Are you doing anything particular, James ?" James t <e .No, sir." Druggist: " Ihtn catch some flies to put on tli at fly-paper, and be certain they stick." A Higblander,eoming across the quo tation, Ex nihilo non fit, in his reading, asked the Tillage schoolmaster the mean ing of it,, " Weel, Donald, " answered the Domine, " I dinna mind the leeteral translation, but it just means ye canna tak the breeks »ff a Uighlandman. An American Church, in making an appeal for funds, stated that the widow's mite would be gratefully accepted, but added :" To prevent misapprehension, the mite is fixed at two-and-a-half dollars (ten shillings)." Among the advertisements in a pro* vincial paper there recently appeared the following : " The gentleman who found a parse with money in Burford Street is request ed to forward it to the address ol the loser, as he was recognised. " A few days later the reply was insert ed: ••■ The recognised gentleman who picked up a purse in Burford Street re quests the loser to call at bfs house. '

The Late Archibald Forbes.

How His Oarkbr Began

Mr HW Maasinghara contributes a sketch to the Leisure Hour for Jane oj Archibald Forbes. Thus dramatically he describes Forbes' entry upon Lon don daily journalism ;— 11 Archibald Ftrbes f r«m Metz " la these words, scribbled «n * bit of writing papctr, Archibald Forbes made hit entry into the great world of war journalism. Fortunately they were addressed to an excellent judge of men. Sir John Robinson, the manager of the Daily Mews, was—in common with the rest of the world*—deeply concera ed to kcow what was happening in the great Prussian laager round the French stronghold: So the traveller was promptly shown up to the manage rial room, He came in with his dra goon's swagger, his big moustache, his rather fierce grey eyes alight with anger and impatience, a shabby travel - stained figure. He had been to more than one great newspaper office, and had been repulstd, notwithstanding the obvious value of his work. "Nice place, London : no one will see you !" be grumbled; Smoothing down the ruffled man, Sir John in a few minutes had his story in plain, abrupt phrases. It was a windfall indeed. Forbes bad come straight from the Prussian lines. Though he did not speak German, and represented no paper of first rate im portance, he appeared to have the complete confidence of the authorities. Be had passed right through their lines. But he was bothered about a little paper which he owned, the Londan Scotsman,'-' long since dead, •' I'll take it over," cried Sir John and he did. Forbes was fasting; food and tobacco were found him, and he was set to work in an adjoining room, Sir John watching anxiously over his pew found treasure; Hour after hour he wrote, a clear masterly account of the entire military situation. When, he finished, he proposed another talk. The Germans were being wrong ac cused of illtreatment of the French, and, full of his subject, he wished to convince the English public of the truth. Sir John shook his head, and Forbes stared fiercely at the refusal. " You will do not do that" continued Sir John; "You will do some thing much better. You will go straight back to Metz as our corres pondent" Forbes asked for £100 in five-franc pieces. In the evening they were found for him. Of his own capacity he made one modest remark : »• I've oaepull over the otherfellowi—■ no compliments, please—and that is that when the day's work is over I can I walk forty miles without tiring. A»d when your horse is requisitioned by the military, as it often is, that: s always a help." Thus beg*n the career of the most brilliant of war correspon dents,



SHAW, SAVILL AND ALBIvN OOMPviSY, UMITiS'J, FOR LONDON l&sgjsSii&K^ accommodation foraUc-Uecit;* wauwim 'mmm o jt pageengera, calling &' Monte Video or Rio, Tenerlffe and Ply moath. Vessel Ton Commander! From Data. Gothic „. 7730 Kidley WelVn Sept 13 loql «. 4748 Kompaoß... I — CARGO STEAMERS. Delphje 8273Sowden Lybtlton'June 2 "Waiwera 6200Stuarb Aotea 6364 Evans fT, °~~ JB. W. HANMEK. Agent). '|'« H E ~~" LINE ROYAL MAIL STEAMERS FOR LONDON, ta Video, Taasrlffe & Plymouth, I Probable final Steamers. Tens. Port, Dais. Otarama 3803 Lytteltoo Aug 14 Papauui 6372 Wellington \ug 23 Wakafcane 8000 ~ Oofcober 4 Waimate 5610 — to follow Wakanoi 5706 — n Rakaia 5628 — v Paparoa 7000 — ,i W&ikato 4767 — „ Rimutaka 7700 — „ Tekoa 4050 —  Rangitikei 7700 — „ Kaapehu I BCOO — „ For fnrfchsr earbioulars apply to • FRIfiDLANDER BROS., Lsd, UNION STEAMSHIP COMPANY OF NEW ZEALAND, Limited TEAMERy SAII FRCMOTTELTON AS UNDER: J'©r Wesbport and Greymouth—Weekly Wellington— Monday, Tuesday, Thurs day and Saturdays | NOTE—For extra sailings see advertise meat in Christchurch papers Dunedin — Mondays, Fridays and alternate Tuesdays and Saturdays Nelson and Pioton, via Wellington— Tuesday and Saturday Sydney, via Auckland — Alternaco Thursdays The above are subject to alteration; eference should therefore be made to Ohrlscchurch daily papers for datea and b»nr of sailing For further particulars apply to F PERRIMAN, . Agent, ABhburton "ISnry"stephbnßon7" (eucoessor to Alfred Harrison.) Eatabliahed 20 years. • AUCTIONEER, LAND ESTATE AND COMMISSION AGENT AND VALUER WEEKLY SALES of Live Stock Produce, Furniture, etc, EVERY SATURDAY, ab 12 o'clock. Clearing Salea of Stock, Household Furni ture, etc., as per arrangement ia any parb of the county. Advonces made on all goods placed in my hands for Sale. Regular Consignments of Colonial Grown end Island Fruit Bold pivately through the week, and at Auction on SATURDYB. AaEira: Norwich Onion Fire Insurance Company k Dresden Pianoforte Manufacturing and Agency Company. PIANOS and ORGANS on time pay mentß from 3Os per month. HEKRY STEPHENSOH, AUCTIONEER. Frank Curtis. Wiateliiiiaicejr, & 'Jeweller. WEDDING PRESENTS. A VERY Choice variety ia Electro-plate ix and Starling Silver, including a beau tiful lot of Doultoo ware, etc., at prices to suit the times, INSPECTION INVITED As Tusual my stock of Gold Rings and Brooches, Charms, Muff Chains, Watches, etc., is the largest and^best selected in the district. ■SPECIAL ROOM; FOE. CHOOSING IF REQUIRED. Wedding rings and keepers 18ct, of my own manufacture 1 make a special line of, and are well worth inspecting being far and away better finished than the ordinary article, and costing no more. It will pay you to call and Bee them. Your old gold, rings, etc, re-made in the same stylo and fiaiah at nominal cost. Wedding rings ALTERED IN SIZE WITHOUT CUT TING WHILE WAITING, BY SPE CIAL MACHINERY. Silver watches from 30a upwards, a fu stock of JERotb.era.iia.©, Waltliams, etc, always on hand. Spectacles specially fitted for reading at night. Spectacle fitting by my system ia not guess work, glasses being fitted to suit the sight perfectly in every case. A special room for testing. Glasses from 2s 6d. Test ing frees Repairs as usual, neat, prompt, and reason able. Silver charms in great variety from Is j rp ward c. A. AGER, ARCHITECT, AROADE CHAMBERS, ASHBURTON. Tf you want a NEW HOUSE, or Altera tions, or Newest Style of Decorations, OONSUi/D MR AGER. , ; Call and see the NEW FIBROSE BLIND, Imitation of Venetian, at half the price. 5 191



TN THK COURSE OF THU NEXT FEW DAYS OUR Travelling Representative, M C. Mclntosh, Will call on you, soliciting your order We are Agents for the Celebrated v McCormick '* Binders, Big 4 Mowers, and Daisy Reapers. Alao the— P. & P. Manures, The Finest Fertilizer ia the World. SOIfcS ANALYSED FKBE OF CHARGE. Morrow, Bassett & Co, ASHBURTON (



H.|M. JONTES. H. M. JONES. STATIONERY BOOKS. ACCOUNT BOOKS. 9^O ("Win ENVELOPES, imported direct. Commercial Envelope! &U\J* UUU f rom 3 8 6d per 1000 . sooo ft fe 3s per 1000. Boxed Stationery, latest styles, from 6d, 9d, Is, Is 6d, 2s box. PIANOS. OKGANS. 44 payments of £1 each will purchase a splondid overstrung, fall trichord, massive iron-frame Piano, up-to-date in every particular. Only £1 required to be paid at time of purchase, Oall and see this before you bay elsewhere. Organs from 10s per month; Pianos from 20s per month. BICYCLES. BICYCLES. A (thoroughly well built, strong, well finished, up to date Lady's or Gentlemen's Machine, guaranteed, for £14 10s, for one Month Only. H. M. TO N E S . DAVID THOMAS, AUCTIONEER, LAND, INSURNCE & BUTiCS A.sifiir valuator wool & grain broker, A S H B U R'T O N. Loans Negotiated Weekly Sales of LiveStock—Tin wald and Ashburton alternately I Fortnightly Sales of Sheep Skins, Fats, Hidea, 'etc., on MoDdaya Sales of Wool Throughout the Season I Grain Bought ana Sold on Commission i Clearing Sales as per arrangements Arcade Horea and Furniture Sales {held on Saturdays ■ Horse Fairs held Monthly AGENT FJOJR— Matson and Co., Christchurch Booth, McDonald and Co., Ghristchurch White's .SKeep 13 ip r Walter A. Wood Co. Bowron Bros.' Belting London and Lancashire Insurance Company Graham's Font Rot Composition Wright, Stephenson and Co, Dunedin Belfast Mmures Vacuum Oil Company's Agricultural Oils PLANET JR., GARDEN AND FIELD ,T OOtS, RARAIA DISTRICT SALES. I Have made arrangements with MESSRS HARDY & CO., Merchants, Rakaia, to act as my AGENTS for all Auctioneering Work in that District, and In con with them it will be my endeavour to make the RAKAIA SAIiE A SUCCESS. DAVID THOMAS, Ashburton I have the following properties in my hands for Sale— 2000 AORFS WBSTERFIELD. 690 „ OORWAR 1760 „ RANGITATA 520 „ OVERDALE 865 „ RAKAIA 1000 „ LAURISTON ALSO— A complete Suburban Property, containing 87J Acres, Graham's^Roadj: D. THOMAS ASHBURTON;



Manning & (Jo's NEW SEASON'S BOTTLED ALES AND STOUT, IN QUARTS AND PINTS, THI BESTIN~THE MARKET Equal to the Leading Brands of ENGLISH ALES. Agents for Ashbarton—MEssas Sheae- MAN BROS. " MBS HUNT. EEFRESHMENT ROOMS Meals xt All Kotos; T»oorect Street, opposite McConull's Sublei. Bmrießt abop In town. 7 80 WANTED KNOWN. J. L. HIGG3 HAS Paints, Oils, Turps, Gh», Scrim, &0,, also choice Paperhangiagt. PRICES LOW. High Class Decorative Work a Speciality, Don't forget. —— 7_64^Coi,BMA,s's Bpxt,»ins, Tanored Street. MRS JOHNSTON mEAOHER of the Pianoforte «nd Singing. Havelock Street, BATHSTIKnkT, SinksiiDoppert, Spo«t ing and Ridging, etc., made to order, and all Plumbing work deae »t th« fowiit , figure at Haedlet Bros. ,



NOTICE TO FARMERS. ABE CASH BUYERS OF PRIME MILLING WHEAT IN ANY QUANTITY Please take yoar Samples to] the Mill We can supply OorasacksJJat coafe'pric*. CANTERBURY ROLLER FLOUR MIIXS. (ro£litt a&d co.») J, B, HOBART, Manager] 17th Mawh, 1900. "HEALTH" COCOA 18 ABSOLUTELY PURE, FREE FROIO^^ADOLTERATiPM YOUR DIGESTIVE ORGANS Require pure food. Lour Liver demands consideration in the question of drink. lToar Nervous System requires a strengthening food drink, and you have thta.ln " HE|LTH MIMA IN PURCHASING COOuA It is important that you should exercise yoar own judgment. If Jyou drink^'any thing that is offered you, you do yourself a gross injustice. C«coa should be absolutely pure to ensure its full beneficial effect. TRY " HEALTH » COCOA And you will use it in preference to any otheri Six subtantialßeasoßS why "HEALTH''Cocoa should be used in preference to any other. lac—Because " HEALTH " COCOA is absolutely pure, and pure food is essential to perfect health, 2nd.— Because " HEALTH " COCOA Is most economical In use, more so than other Cocoas on the Market, half a teaspoonful makes a Breakfast Cup of delicious Cocoa, other Cocoas quire a teaspoonful. 3rd.—Because " HEALTH" COCOA in lower in price than other Cocoes, a quarter pound tin costing lOd yields kufLden't for 30 cups of delicious Cocoa. 4th,—Because " HEALTH" COCOA agrees with the most delicate digestion, stimulates, and strengthens the nervous system, and la the most suitable food drink for Invalids, Children, and the robust. 6th.—Because •• HIaLTH " COCOA is prepared from the finest Cocoa obtainable, and Is free from drugs and other injurious mixtures* 6th.—Because " HEALTH " COOOA contains more nourishment than Beef Tea, and Meat Extracts, and should be used by everyone who values health. 77?■* rtn of «• HEALTH 9' GOOOA and You will never regret /f, AGENTS FOX ASHBURTON— SHEARMAN BROS., GROCERS, IRONMONGERS, WINE & SPIRIT MERCHANTS, Market House, Aehburton,



NEW GOODS FOB WINTEB. NICHOLAS & PICKFORD TTAVE pleasure in informing their numerous Patrons that they have landed • ex Mamarl' another shipment of Boots, Shoes, Slippers, and E v eni ng Shoes iTOUt WUNXE2R TtTADE Included amongst .these are Ladies* Gentlemans', and Childreos' Warm Slippers, (A splendid variety,) The whole of our Imported Goods have been pnrchasod direct from the Manufacturers and marked off at the very lowest margin of profit j and we confidently assert that in no other shop in the district can a better assor ted Stock, at sach uniformly low prices be found, EYENIISG SHOES Upwards of 20 different Styles in Laeiea' Evening Shoes to choose fron)| prices from 3s to 18s 6&; Gentle mens' Court Shoes in all stylas, and at wonderfully low prices, NICHOLAS *& PICKFORD, BAST STREET. |n»— ,i idm.iid.m-—.— i.——■—■■Mi MPipi i .in—n.r w—-| BAKER BROS., FURNISHING TTNDERTAKERB, URNISHING U NDERTAKERS, DIRECT Importers of Best and Latest Designs in FUNERAL FURNISHINGS. FUNERALS conducted with the greatest care and satisfaction, at most reasonable charges. Corner of Wakanal Road and Oass Streets, and Baker and down's Coach Factory, MOTHERS ! Have you delioate children who are always taking cold and sub eotto croup t If so, try Tonkisg'e Linseed Emulsion, which will cure where all other medicines fail. Sold by local ohemlila and grocers In bottles, Is 6d aad 2s 6d. 246



ASHBURTON PERMANENT BUILDING AND INVESTMENU SOCIETY. T OANS GRANTEJD FR/OM £25 and upwards, at current rates. Full Particulars on application. EDWARD STEPHENS, Qffica >—Tancred Streett ■■■ MISS BESSIE SIMMONDS. MUSIC Seller and Teacher of the Yiolla, Musical instruments of every desorip' tioo VIOLINS a SPECIALITY. Music and Songa by .every mail. Firet-class Quad, rille Band. Burnett Street, 483 Opposite Publishing ompany* LLEWELLYN OWEN, M'O.S.M. CERTIFICATED TEACHER. LOCAL Representative of the I^ondon ,Oollege of Muaic.Jand of tha Musical International College, pianoforte, organ, violin, man doljne, singing, harmony AND OOqNTERPOIMT. H ( UkDBIL!i v B. UNDBIIiIi l^i^t^7^9tol I T H UNDEILL [& CO FURNISHING UNDERTAKERS QDANORED STREET, ASHBURTON EVERY REQUISITE ON HAND. Polished Coffins a Specialty. A Cboioe Assortment of Artificial Wreaths in Stock. Private Address, Peter Street, directly behind Oddfellows* Hall; also care «f Mr T. Andrews, East Belt. 2 A 33 Mbs Awobn's Sale—Trimmed Mih wtl lioery half price, Felts, Straws,Kihbon«, Wings, Quills, Flowers, all greatly reduced. Special bargains in Laces, Embroideries and Underclothing. Corsets from It lid, 10 per cent discount on stamped work, Berlin Wools, Perlines, Silks and Arasenes during the sale, T> UILDERS will find it to their advantage J_> to get estimates for Ironmongery from Habdlbv Brfos. j



NICOLL BROS. H F Nicoll, E. F. Niccll, L. A. Nicoll Merchants & General Agents "DUYERS OI?iFAT|SHBEP & LAMBS , WOOL, SKINS, PELTS & HIDES , AGENTS FOR- Christohurch Meat, Co., Ltd, Islington Fertilisers Little's Sheep Dip \ Ooe»n, Acoident and Guarantee Corpora? tion, Ltd. United Insntanoe Co,, Ltd. iFire And Marine.) grain;bought and bold oji com. , MISSION. "We ahall be pleased to receive samples from farmers who have parcels ,tot dis posal. Station Books Kept and Audited. We have received sums of Trust Monies, ranging from £100 to £1000. to lend on Freehold Securities at 4^ and 5 per cent. FRUIT. We reoeive regular Consignments from Auckland, Sydney, and the Islands, and have in stock Apples, Peats, and Fruit in season all the year roundij S E E~D S . We stock Clovers, Ryegraei, Rape, and Turnip Seed of reliable quality. -ynrE are cash buyers of FAT SHEEP AND lAJMBS AT HIGHEsaT MARpJJ! RATES, NICOLL BROS., Bast Street, Ashburton. mHE OHRISTOHUROH MEA'JJ CO X Limited? ISLINGTON MANURES Especially prepared for Wheat, Turnips, Rape, and any other crop, and to suit; any description of soil. 3REATLY INCREASED PRODUCTION WHEREVER USED. SATISFACTION GIVEN EVERYWHERE Niooll Bros, store five varieties of this celebrated fertiliser. Price on application; Allowance made for quantities, Letters will receive prompt attention. NICOLL |BROS., DISTRICT AGENTS J. V. DE BEER, WATCHMAKER * JEWELLER. NEW GOODS. $lEW GOODS. A VERY CHOICE AND HANDSOME COLLKOTION OF Opal Jewellery. This Gem is now more fashionable than ever, and is at last receiving the attention that its beauty always warranted, bat was long withheld, owing to unreasonable superstition, PENDANTS, BRODGHES, PIFS, Designed as a memento of the War. SCARF PINS, An exact miniature in Gold of tie Lee-Metford Cartridge. A Beautiful Assortment of GOLD MUFF CHAIN INSPECTION INVITED. J. V. DE BEEE, East Street, Ashburton. Established 1876. FOR OHRISTMiS PRESENTS AND HEW fEAR GIFTS, Also WEDDING PRESENIS* 00 10 GEORGE JESSON, PRACTICAL WATCHMAKER AND JEWELLER, East Street, Ashburton, THE CHEAPEST PLACE IN TOWN OR WATCHES, CLOCKS, AND JEWELLERY Of Every Description. INSPECTION INVITED. Smoke New Venus " '*"



MONEY TO LEND. I HATE Trust Monies for Investment in «vms of £500 to £5000 on First Mobtoagb at lowest current) rate*. DAVID Z\*DER, Tattered Street. /GOVERNMENT LIFE INSURANCE DEPARTMENT. ' Established 1870. BVXRY POLICY GUARANTBBD BY THE STATE. Fob the following amongst many reasons New-Zealanders should support their national office:— 1. Its Security is absolute. 2. Its Premiums are low. 3. Its Bonuses are high. 4. Its Funds are all invested in the colony. 5. Its business is restricted to New Zealand, the HEALTHIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Kew-Zealanders who insure In offices whicn obtain the bulk of their business from the Old World and the other colonies (including Western Australia and Fiji) have to P»yfor • the LOSS AEISING FBOM THE HBAVIBB MORTALITY OF THOSE 3 COUNTRIES. The aeath-rate in New Zealand was under 10 per thousand in 1898, while in the other colonies it ranged from 12| per thousand in Now South Wales to 16 per thousand ia Western Australia. Accumulated Funds at present date amount to over THREE MILLION POUNDS. ANNUAL INCOME, over £100,000* j. hTrichardson, 1) Commissioner, DONE Na*ueb may car© yoar NEGLECT cough without kid, bub you COUGHS, can't afford to ohaacs it. A cough that ia left to cure itself is slowly overcome at best, and there ia apt to be some weakness left to make the next cough come •anier. We have two really good remedies for coughs and colds. BENJAMIN GUM is specially suitable for recent chilli. It is pleasant to take, cures very quiokly, pre vents Jtjflamatory symptoms and allays annoying tickling tnd hacking coughs, j , TOWNBND'S CINNAMON CURE is epeci&Hy suitable for chronic ooughs, though it will break up a recent) attack as quickly as any other medicine made—Cinna mon has been proved iv Pasteue* Institute to possess great destructive power over al! bacilli, whilst being perfectly harmless to human beings, vVe have received some littering letters as to its efliency in con sumption, bronchitis, asthma, dysttntry and in typhoid fever. Benj unin Gum Is 6d and 2% 6d, Cinna mon Uura 2s 6d; Obtainable everywhere ; sole proprietors and manufacturers--Loasby's Wahoo M.F.G. Coy, Ltd, Dunedin. A itationmaster once asked a porter, an Irishman, why ha was so frequently found talking to himself, even when on duty, and in reply the Irishman said, " In the first place I like to hear a good man talk ; and, aeondly, I like to talk to a good man." " Dab am our sentiments." If a man hss gat as> thing good to say, let him say it. Mr Johnston speaks: — The Secret of a Smiling. Face.—Ad original Testimonial from a popular railway reporter. Railway Station, Petone, 26tk November, '99, PLANTEKOA PROmETOJRS. Dear Sirs, It gives me pleasure to state that I have received great benefit! from yoar Botanic Remedy, Plantexoa. Ib prevents all an* easiness after meals, gives one a good appetite, keeps the bowels regular j and, in fact, refreshes and invigorates the wkoie system. It places a smile on your face which cannot be robbed oat, and for health of body and a cheery countenance Plahtekoa sur* passes any other medicine I have ever., known. Yours truly, W. J. Johnston. 'PLAtf TEKOA,' THE GREAT HERBAL REMEDY. IT CURES. All Chemists and Stores. Agents Austral Botanic Coy., SAUNDERS 1 BUILDIISG3, Wholesale— Plantekoa Proprietary, Wellington. Coughing Yet? It is unwise to let a Cough ifl run on. Frequent ooughing increases the irritation in the W bronchial tubes, and is the &II forerunner to serious lung disease— CONSUMPTION. June's ~*^ o$ Cod &vev 6tf Positively cures Coughs of any kind. Not by drying up the Cough, but by cutting the phlegm and healing the irritated passages. LANE'S EMULSION is so perfectly blended that it is pleasant to the taste, and so easy to digest that young babies and most delicate invalids take it regularly. Physicians Recommend It. Your Chemist op Store will supply you. • • PRICE 28s t t I



THIS . ) - - DUNLOPS^. . |^ Smoke « IS THE . ! /g"^ Tj-^4 W^^T^ H F ! N° # * * tobacco I# i^ i^% Im ot*ler- ■ YOU • • • Mm^m^^ MMmwrnff | All IWANT .' | . . TOBACCO . . Totaccootat.