MR. JOSH SIMPKINS ON ETIQETTE.

I've studied sip on etiquette, Eead every ?/ook that I could get,

And yet There isn't one in all the lot That tells a feller it is not De rigger to eat pie For breakfast; hence, why shouldn't I? And, furthermore, I cannot find In all the books I call to mind A single line That gives a reason worth a whoop Against a second plate of^soup When fellers dine, And as for eating marrowfats Without a spoon 1 think that that's

A fool- Ish sort of rule. When I eat peaa, I'll do as I darn please I And, what is more, till I'm a snob I'll eat my corn straight oft the cob, And sparrergrass I'll eat as I Have always done in days gone by— A sort of dangling from the sky, A sort of gift from heaven come, Held 'twixt my finger and my thumb; And as for those peculiar things Called finger bowls I vow, by jings, I will not use 'em as they say The bon ton uses 'em today. If my hands ain't both good and clean, The pump is where it's always been. And, far as ever I could see, It's plenty good enough for me. I don't stand much on etiquette,

But yet I'm too polite to wash my paws At table, spite of social laws.

—Harper's Bazar.

FORGOTTEN

* * A Tragic Story of the French i * i > Revolution. < ► ♦ ♦»»♦»♦»♦ ♦ ♦ ft I

Some few years after the reign of terror a man of middle age entered a email Inn in Germany and called for refreshments. His manners were timid and shrinking, and he looked as if he might just have recovered from some terrible illness, he was so strangely, ghastly pale.

The landlord supplied his wants, and, half curious, half in kindness, he made some remark as to the stranger's ap pearance, coupling it with the question, "Do you want aught else for your com fort?"

"Nay, nothing," said the pale man hastily. "I have food and light and air; what could I want more?" And he sighed deeply.

"My friend," said the landlord, seat ing himself, "you speak as if you hadi known the want of these things. Have I guessed aright?"

His guest looked up. "Would you hear my tale?" he asked. "For years I have kept silence, but today it seems as if it would lighten my heart to speak. Wsten and believe if you can. liess than seven years ago I was a gay, light hearted youth in this our quiet fatherland. Having no near relatives, I was led to visit some distant ones who had lived for many years in a small town in France.

"My uncle, as I called him out of friendliness, was a kind, good fellow, well known and respected in the place, where he carried on the craft of a watchmaker, and he proposed that 1 should become his apprentice and part ner. I liked the little town, I liked my uncle, I liked my aunt, and I soon gave my consent. They had no children—l thank God for that now—but my aunt's kindly soul could not be content with out young people ai€und her, so she kept and clothed two neighbors. Trim and neat they looked, too, wearing the costume of that part of Germany whence my aunt came—a pretty fancy of her own; it seemed quaint enough in a strange land.

"It was a happy little household. No wonder I was glad to belong to it. But, alas, it was soon to be swept away by terrible affliction. For some time we had heard of strange troubles going on in Paris and the large towns, but our little place was still quiet. One morning, however, we woke to find everything in confusion. Our may or had been ordered to resign, and his place was to be filled by some one sent from Paris.

"Still, we never dreamed of that fear ful misery of which this was the fore runner. We had no time to dream, ei ther, the blow fell so suddenly.

"There had been a stir going on in the market place for the two days fol lowing the arrival of the new official, but my uncle and I were busy over a discovery which we had made in our trade, and we were less than usual in the streets. At noon on the third day, however, he went out for a stroll to rest his eyes and look about him for a few moments. My aunt and her maid ens arranged as usual the midday meal, and we were all ready to sit down, only my uncle was missing. He was usually so punctual that we dined without him. At the close of the meal I stepped out to look for him.

"I had not got a dozen yards from the house when I met our baker's wife, her eyes starting out of her head. 'Go back,' she said; 'go back; it is too late! The monster! The wretch! He has executed the honest man without even the farce of a trial on his accursed guillotine yonder!'

"I stood petrified with horror. Could she be speaking of my uncle, co re spected, so quiet as he was? It was too true. The wretch in office had lost no time, but had begun his work of bloodshed at once, and my uncle was the first victim, his only crime being that he was of foreign birth and had sheltered under his roof some months since a poor Swiss. I retraced my fiteps to the house. My aunt's anxious' face met my troubled gaze. She had begun to suspect evil. The two girls waited fearfully in the background. I tried to speak, but I turned away and burst into tears. I was young then, Master Landlord, and had tears to Bhed. My aunt passed me by and rush ed Into the street, straight to the mar ket place. I could not follow. What happened there was told me later.

"Wild with agony at her husband's fate, my gentle, loving aunt had burst into a flood of reproach of his murder er. In these days this was crime enough for the heaviest punishment,

Amberley, Dec 7, 1899 [Copy] Messrs Cbaighead And Bebryman

Ashburton, Dear Sire,-—Could yon make a suit-at once. I am sorry I forgot to order it sooner. The !ast oneis still wear ing. It fitted beautifully, and has given the greatest satisfaction. If j>ju have time to make one for my son at C*era!dine, I will get him to ride up on Satur day to bs fitter!. It there is not fcims to send pattern", I will trust you to choose for me, something like the hat.— Youratruly,

tST The original letter as above from a known gentlfman and many others of equally high Compliment may be seen at our ofBoe—CRAiGHEAD and Berbyman, the Leading Tailors and Outfitters

TH»?! AFHBTTRTOK <?nAftl>lA*l* PATORDAT," A^Blti 21, 1500

Printed and pnbliihed by Harare Wilus o Peter Street, Aahbnrton, for the Proprte ton, »t their Printing Offioe, BntiMts Street, Ashbnrten, SATURDAY, April 21, 1900



"Tinny Tim ults "I wish to exprees my thacka to the manufacturers of Chamberlain's G'oli Cholera, and Diatrhoek Remedy, for having put oa the market such-a wonderful mcdi cine," saye W W Massingill, of Beaumont, Texas. There are many thousands of mothers whose children have been saved from attacks of dysentery and cholera in fantum who must also feel thankful, lb is for sale by Ashburton Drng Company Smoke New Venus



Wm STB.aEGE ]:"olePanncrsaiid/ Thos. CoVEKD.a^; j [ Proprietors. } ! W. STRANGE & CO, f 1 AYE pleasure in advising Ladies resident in t';e country that their first shipments of Jusfc Arrived I Autumn Just Arrived Just; Arrived ! «& Wliit©!- Just Arrived JurtAniv.d! Goods. Jusb Arrived ! Have just arrived. These useful, beau»Uul, novel and tempting linos were shipped to H8 direct from our London House, 139-141 Wool Exchange, E o,'and comprise FasbionaUe, A. Jtios* - FashionaMe, Useful, of Useful, Wove), Attractions. WovoJ, AH Prices ! All Prices! The new goods, expressly dosigned for Aubnmn and Winter wear, include nob merely a grand aasortmenb of plain, every-jay atuff, such aa are in requesb all the year round, bub The NOVKL.TIBB! The Lateab INOVEI.TIEBI Latest Londonanrl NOVKL'I'IES! London and Continental NOVELTIES ! Continental Noveldes ! Novelties ! i.e., Novelties in Dresses and Dress Goods, Blouses, Mantles, Jackets, Costumes, Gloves, Corsets, Underclothing, Sunshades, Macintoshes, Promenade^and Evening j Drosses, Opera Wraps, and Wei! worth He;"ps of Well worth Coinitg to I'retty Coming to Tovjd J. fiingfs 1 Town to See! • to See! Buy, suppose you can't; come, that you live too far away, that you can't spare the lime for a trip to town—what then ? We will tell you ! Good Advice? Get Get a Good Advice? a, Catalogue! Good Advice ? Cil< ttlogfll© ? Geb a Gocd Advice ? Catalogue ! They're jusb out, and will give joa, in a very attractive form, some account of the new goods. Paving gob your Catalogue read it carefully, make your selection, write to us telliug us plainly what you want, enclose remittance to value of goods, und Hundreds of fe»lioi> An Effective Ladies do ! With xtH P'aa. Hun;Wstf l>3* Pos( ? An Effective Ladies do ! Plan.. N.B—BMMITTAJ>GK MUST ACCOMPANY ALL LETTER ORDERS. Wo wil! B'nd you just whafe you want, and select the goods for you aa carefully es you ould do it for yourself i you were present fit the counter. "^ ¥ T QHPf> 4 "\T f^ 1? P- £"< ( \ * * • k.■ 1 i>4jLJLi* V.I U v.y\_/i«. MBKOHAKT3, MANUPAOTUKERS, & FAMILY DRAPE3B, j CHI:IS CHURCH. i



R. T. CLARK, GRAIN AND PRODUCE BROKLR. Tancred Street, (Next McO-inell & Compton'b Stables.) AGENT for Bi lin^s and Knowlo'a Spray lumps and Famous Insec'ieideE* ] Spray Pumps, complete .. £2 Knowleu' •'Swoe.b Nicotine" 2s per battle. „ Kill 'Km Qaiok Is 9d per bottle  Paris Green 2s 61 per Ib.  Kelabore Powder 2a per lb, INFORMATION GRATIS. It cannot be said of the American Blight That to the Orehardist it gives delight, So Spray it well without compulsion With French "Keboskne Emulsion." The cherries and pearß are covered with slugs, The Viues are infested with naughty wee Bugs. But never say die, have you not seen There's death in the tpray of " Sweet Nicotine." The Aphis black and the Aphis green Are the very worst pests the peach has seen. They allow neither fruit nor tree to grow, Then why notgive •• Sweet Nicotine " a show. Your fruit trees will soon be nothing but stumps If you've not got the sense to use '•Knowles' Pumps." The San Jose Scale is coming your way, And your cry then will be "Let us Spray," I " Let us Spray." ! If you wish to destroy the San Jose Scale j Put a pinch of Saltpetre on tha tip of his tail, i One of fjoe Charcoal, aaother of Sulphur, j Touch with a lighted match—Oh, Lor. ! What a buster ? Oaten hold of his throat and open his throttle, And dose him with •' Bordeaux " out of a bottle, When he's swallowed a pinb or a quart at the moat, He II be dead as a nail, or quail upon toast The larva of the Codlin Moth Is more destructive than the Goth.. Bo take my advice as soon as he'a seen Give him a spray of '• Paris Gbeen." We have peßts by the millions, Which give us the Dumps. They are coming in Billions, Thank "CLARK" for his Pumpe. CHEAP MONEY! OHEAP MONEY OHBAP MONF IN SUMS JV £100 «» £10,000, ON COUNTRY, CITY, AND .SUBURBAN FREEHOLD, At 4$ per cent. Terms of repayment of tho most character, which can be aseertaine enquiry, J7IOR FORMS OF APPLICATION AN 'j FULL INFORMATION Apply to the DISTRICT MANAGER, Cbristcfaurch. J. H. RICHARDSON, Government Insurance Commissioner. Smoke New Venus



Famk Curtis. "Watclimalces-, & ;Jewe>ler, WEDDING PRESENTS i A VERY Choice yuriely in Electro-plate XJL. and Steriiug Silver, including a beau tiful lot of Doultoa ware, etc , at prices to , auibthe times. INSPECTION INVITED As usual my stock of Gold Rings and Broocbos, Charms, Miff Chains, Watches, etc., is the largest and best selected in the district, A SPECIAL ROOM FOR CHOOSING IF REQUIRED. Wedding rings and keepers 18cfc, of my own manufacture 1 make a special line of, and are well worth inspecting being far and away better finished than the ordinary article, and costing no more. It will pay you to call and see therm Your old gold, rings, etc, re-made in tha same style and finish at nominal cost. Wedding rings ALTERED IN SIZE WITHOUT CUT. TING WHILE WAITING, BY SPE CI&L MACHINERY. Silver watches from 30s upwards, a full stock of Rotfiorrarais, Walthams, etc, always on hand. Spectacles specially fitted for reading at night. Spectacle fitting by my system is no gue?s work, glasses being fitted to suit the sight perfectly in every c»se. A special room for testing. Glasses from 2s 61. Test ing free. Repairs as usual, neat, prompt and reason able. Silver charms in great variety from la upwards. HORSE COVERS. HORSE COVERS T BEG to remind my Customers and the general Public that I have » large Stock of HORSE COVERS OF ALL QUALITIES AND PRICES, Inspection Invited Also a largo Stock of SADDLERY, Etc, on hand. K. J.~GUY. SADDLEE, Burnett Street NOTICE. T ADIES wishing to learn the^art of Shirt JLj and Collar Ironing and Glossing, also the best method of making Starch, either with or without Coxon'e Gloss, can do bo by applying to this office for address of advertiser. 3 261 M" A 1~1 I^LAMDGE l-UR ii_. \J. V^LARIDGE TEaCHER OF PIANOFORTE, ORGAN ano SINGING COX STREET, ASHBURTON. Terms en Application.



i «ABT IL M. J0 N KS. btbmt BICYCLES. BICYCLES —B ICY CL I S-= TTATING BECEIVED A SHIPMENT OP THE FAMOUS "ARENA" CYCLES, I am prepared to offer these Machines at a very Low figure to secure quick Sale and Prompt returns. THESE Cycles are Well-Made, Up-to-Date, Strong, Rigid, Light and Eaay Banning, and fitted with Morgan and Wright Tyres, and equal to any £20 in the market. These Bicycles are offered at the very Low Price of £16 CASH- TEEMS CAN BE ARRANGED. THIS ia an opportunity to secure a well-bnilt serviceable Machine ab Bed-Bock Prices. I am prepared to indent those Oyclep, Ladles' or Gentlemen's, a a lower price. TERMS ON APPLICATION. ORDER EARLY FOR NEXT SEASON, Agent for Milner and rhompson's Organs and Pianos. M. M. JO NE S . JUST LANDED 15,000 YARDS WIRE NETTING IS TONS GALVANIZED ROOFING IRON. » TONS BOLTS AND NUTS BOUGHT BEFORE THE KIBE IN PRIOEB IN THE ENGLISH MABKET. All orderß punctually attended to. You will Bave money by calling on us. VV. H. COLLINS & CO., HARD WA HE EMPO RIU M, EAST STREM\ ASHBURTON. Telephone—l 4 and 15. P.O. 80x~35. IMPORTANT NOTICE. DON'T FORGET mO Call and See our Stocks of FANCY GOODS, suitable for PRESENTS, and those preparing for Friends should see us for BEDSTEADS, BEDDING, AND ALL OTHER HOUSEHOLD FUKMSHINGS PERAMBULATORS mtmT^ HANDS, IKPJgSIW / EWING MAQHINES FANCY CHAIRS DBA WING ROOM y^^^jraA DINING ROOM WICKER CHAIRS. FURNITURD, Etc. Carpets. Linoleums, Rugs, Mats, Etc. UST ARRIVED—A LARGE;ASSORTMENT OP BAMBO VERANDA BLINDS T. H. UN DRILL & CO., CABINETMAKERS, UPHOLSTERERS, & UNDERTAKERS, TANGRED STREET, opposite Atmua BELFAST AND FAIRFIELD FREEZING WORKS MANURES, ARE THE BEST TJIOR TURNIP, RAPE WHEAT, AND ANY OTHER CROP. SPECIAL MANURE can be mad 3 for any kind of Soil, or description of crop. SATISFACTION GIVEN EVERYWHERE LAST SEASON. MANURE CAN BE SUPPLIED IN 1 Owt, or 2 Owt. SACKS. Orders received hj jnßtiiai>jLAi>r:i>jE]R bros., jumitoA., DAVID THOMAS, OR THE W.Z.. FARMERS 00-OJPIQJEfcATIVE A SSOCIATION OF CAWTMRBUBY, Limited., OANTBEBUEY FEOZEN MEAT AND DAIRY PKODUCE jEXPOBT COMPANY. LIMITED. 880 F. WAYMOUTH Seor*t»ry.



DRESS AND FASHION. I Grand Show of Winter Fashions and Advanced Novelties. ANDREW ORR TS now exhibiting a Magnificent Stock of High-classs Novelties, Winter Jackets, Capes, Costumes, Millinery, Macintoshes, Dress Fabrics, Corsets, Umbrellas, Gloves, Collars and Ties, New Dress Materials, Trimmings, Velvets Blouse Cloths, Kid Gloves. Gents' Clothing, Hats, Caps, Ties, G!oves, etc. Ladies and Genta' -ioots and Shoes in great variety. Blankets, Flannels, Carpets, Bags, Linoleums, Floorcloths, Large purchases have been made previous to the great rise in Wool and other Materials, Customers will get the full benefit. DRESSMAKING.-—Tailor atade Coat and Skirt Costumes—beautiful fit. ANDREW ORR. M EL.LO R'S ZEALANDIA BOOT STORE THE LEADING BOOT SHOP, TS the Moat RELIABLE Houaa for GOOD AND CHEAP t BO3TS. O aim is to give you the bkss value for little money. HONESTY is oat Polio We ml' not Guarantee yon an article unless we know it will give you every. Batiß. action. One Trial i« all we a«k—Our Goodß.gell themselves. vta «.*»-j. MELLOR, DANORED BTFEF ASHBUBT3J* NOT EVEN ... A N ABSENT-MINDED BEGGAR • • . FORGETS THAT SHEARMAN BROS.' * SPECIALTY IS Pure Ceylon Teas, Or that they keep the largest SUPPLIES in all kinds and'qualitien GOING, SOUTH of the line. But they have other LITTLE THINGS BEHIND THEM, .SUCH AS GROCEKLES, IRONMONGERY, GLASSWARE ENAMELWARB, CBOCKERY, BSUSHWAKE, WINES & SPIRITS, By purchasing the above Goods from us at the lowesb Cash Prices our Friends will always find it PAY PAY PAY SMOKE ONLY NEW VENUS D a RKi QUEEN ugh*. A PEBFECT TOBACCO.



' For Indigestion, tho best remedy is uudoubt rt'jr Norton's Camomile Pills Th:-y can confldentl. <»i I recommended as being mild in operation and abeolut^.y 1 free from injurious drugs Acting at once as a spknH.l tonic and a geotle aperient Fur nearly JOO years they have pro ed i nequalled for Indigestion, Dyspepsia, sirk Headache and nil Liver and blomuch complaints Sold iv bottles, Is IJd, 2s 9d, and lls, by all Medioiaa vendors throughout the world WANTED Known—That J. Mouon has received a large supply of Bummer Boots and Shoee, suitable for tho Holidays. They are all of the beet brands and makers, *and never equalled in Ashburton. J.M. being the only practical and experienced Bootmaker in the town, thus given him superiority and facility to know best what to get. There toie the public have no need to wonder whore to go for reliable Boots and Shoes. Discount for cash as usual. Repairs done at once. Best Sole Leather used and work manship, at The Hali, East Btreet, Ash. burton- TTTTANTKD KNOWN-GalvanUed Barb ' No. 8 Black Wire 13, 6d per cwt, ißran 3. AVnu .^S'-^aroHSB kos , Ashburton and Chriatohurch. Established 1876. FOR CHRISTM.'S PRESENTS AND NEW FEAR GIFTS, Also WEDDING PRESENIS 00 to GEORGE JESSON, PRACTICAL WATCHMAKER AM JEWELLER, East Street, Ashbnrion. THE CHEAPEST~PLA.CE IN fOWN OR WATCHES, CLOCKS, AND JEWELLERY Of Every Description. INSPECTION INVITED. FOR SALE PRIVATeEyT I AM now prepared to treat privately for tas unsold portion of Mr ISAAOSAR. gent's property, comprising :— Lot 2.—Knox's Farm, containing 246 acres or thereabouts fjot3— Greenntreet's Farm, containing 160 acre* 8 Lob 4.—North River Farm, containing II acres. * B. W. HANMEB< S. H/GEAVES, SHARBBEOZBR AND FINANCIAL AGENT, 185 HEREFORD STREET, CHRISTCHURCH. RELIABLE Information on Dredgloe Stocks. Correspondence Invited. Code 3 : Badford McNeill'a, Morelng and deal's, A.B.C. Code (fourth Edition. Telegraphic! Address: GRAVES, Chri.tchurch. 3 2VI CHEAP VINTEB FIRING. NEW MOUNT BOMEBS COAL. OUTPUT has Trebled during the" la twelve months IT IS USEx) EVERYWHERE. This Goal is the Best and Cheapest St«am vnd Household Coal in the market. Used in the Woollen Factory and Oanta oury Flour Mille. GIVES SPLENDID RESULTS WRITE FOR PRICES CO G. T. PAEK, MOUNT SOM 88. TO ALL MY OLD CLIENTS FARMERS, AND RESIDENTS OF ASHBURTON COUNTY. I BEG to inform you that I have fevered my connection with the Canterbury Mill,; which was under my management for over seven years, and have PURCHASED from Mr Edwin Thomas the WAKANUI ROLLER^FLOUR HILLS. The Canterbury Mill, whioh it th« property of the Bank of New Zealand AsMta Board, is still trading under the name of Rollitt & Co., bo to avoid confusion with ■ correspondence, I would like to ask you to address all orders to THOMAS ROLLIT2H WAKANUI ROLLER FLOUR MII.LB, ASHBUftTON On and after October Ist, I shall be pleased to supply you with first-olass ROLLER FLOUR, WHEAT MEAL, BRAN & SHARPS, at lowest current rates. FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF FARMERS DOING GRISTING, I have arranged to keep a supply of Flour Bras, and Sharps at the Stores of the N.Z. Farmers' Association, West Street, when Farmers, Shareholders or non-Shareholders can leave their Wheat and get Fiour, Bran, and Sharps In exchange. THOMAS'MUTT. WAKANOI ROLLER FLOUR MILLS 9 285 ASHBURTON. 'people HS^^» Sound the ¥ ===== §$^» or PURE CEYLON OR BLENDED TEao