THE CHIMNEY CORNER.

COURTING UNDER DIFEICTLTIES.

’Twas a beautiful day in July.

The golden sun was shining brightly, and the little English sparrows hopped merrily from limb to limb, and tried their very best to tell the pedestrians how happy they were. Among the many handsome ladies and gentlemen who were promenading one of Brooklyn’s most fashionable streets on this fine summer day, was one gentleman, who immediately attracted attention. He was a tall, handsome young man, attired in accordance with fashion’s strict and capricious demand. This gentleman was Mr. George Sinclair, cashier of the ——bank. He stopped, finally, before a large, handsome mansion in C Street, and rapidly ascended the marble steps. His summons was immediately answered by a gaily dressed colored servant, who conducted him to the parlor, and announced to the beautiful young that Mr. lady sitting at the open window Sinclair had arrived.

Let us digress a moment, and describe the fresh glowing beauty of Alice Sum merville, the only child of the rich banker, Ezra Sommerville. She was about twenty years of age, and possessed a superb figure. Her blooming face glowed with animation and health, and the blushing roses of her cheek formed a pleasing contrast to the lily whiteness of her neck and brow. Her great blue eyes shone with far more brightness than stars; her long, waving hair rippled far below the shapely waist, and shone like threads of purest gold ; her white even teeth and delicately chiselled lips outvied pearls and rubies. Fairer than the fairest'her beau tiful face outvied the houri of the poet’s dream. George had been waiting on Alice for a long time, and rumour hinted that they were engaged ; but, as usual, rumoiir was mistaken. George loved Miss Sommer ville with his whole heart, but, like many others, he found difficulty in saying so. On this beautiful summer afternoon he resolved to declare his love and know his fate. So, after a few commonplace remarks, he took the lady’s little hand in his own, and said, “Miss Sommerville — Alice—l love you! I have loved you since I first beheld your face. I have often desired to tell you so, but have been too diffident. Now hear my vow; I swear that I love you better than ” “ Oysters ! oysters !” shouted a fish pedlar, as he rattled by in his rickety vehicle. George was very much put out by this sudden interruption, and Alice dropped her head upon his shoulder to conceal the smiles whch rippled over her face and beamed from her laughing eyes. But our hero was determined, and continued. “ I love you better than my very exis tence ! You are the idol of my soul ! When I look upon your pearly cheek I think of——” “ Coals ! coals ! ” roared a stout Irish man, with aa immense kettle on his head, as he ambled past the house. George bit his lip, but bravely con tinued. “ I think of the pure glistening snow.

Your dear voice never fails to touch a

responsive chord in my heart, and when you are singing that beautiful ballad, commencing ” “ Umbrellas to mend ? ” inquired a a lame man, as he gazed up at his open window.

George ground his teeth together and resumed.

“When you are singing ‘Ever of thee I’m fondly dreaming,’ it seems as if an angel voice was whispering love to my soul. Oh, darling, say that my love is reciprocated ? Your slightest wish shall be my law. I will dress you in ” “Rags ! rags ! ” insinuated a red-headed boy, as he pushed his waggon by the house. This last interruption was too much for the gravity of the lady, and she laughed

heartily. George wiped the moisure from his brow, and in an undertone invoked dire maledictions upon the head of the offending junkman. But he was deter mined to have it over at all hazards, so he went on.

“I meant to say, dear Alice, before that infer —I beg your pardon, I mean that brawling ragman interrupted me, that I would dress you like a qeen. Don’t refuse me ? Say that you will be my wife. ” Alice who really loved the handsome young man, looked into his eyes, and as she smoothed his raven hair, said, “ George, if I were sure that you really meant what you have been telling me, I should be tempted to give my consent. ” “ Oh Alice,” cried the ardent wooer, in a reproachful tone, “can you doubt my love ? I swear by “Wood ! wood ! ” suggested a cross-ej'ed colored man in a cream-colored coat, as he paused in front of the mansior. “ I swear by all my hopes that I have only spoken that which my heart and soul prompted me to. Do you believe me Alice?”

“Yes, George,” she Jtnurmured, “ I do believe you.” “ Oh, thank you ! thank you ” cried the now delighted lover. “ And now, dar ling, that you have consented, let us talk about the blissful future. I will buy a cottage, and you can have a little garden, and spend your time in cultivating delici ously perfumed ” “ Onions ! onions ! ” hinted a thin female with an old shawl over her head as she shuffled down the street.

“ Oh confound the pedlars ! ” pettishly exclaimed George. “It seems as if the entire fraternity had resolved to perambu late this street to-day. I meant to say that you could tend the flowers while I was absent. I have quite a sum of money, and I intend going into business for my self. I think I shall try ” “ Matches and shoe-laces ! ” suggested a small boy with a remarkably big voice. This comical interuption was too much for human nature, and George arose and paced the floor excitedly, while Alice nearly strangled herself in attempting to suppress her emotion. “Alice” said George with a woebegone expression, “for Heaven’s sake take me into the hall, in the kitchen, cellar—any where but this room ! The hawkers will drive me mad if I remain here much longer, ”

Alice consented, and led tlie way to the back parlor. While they were going, George remarked, “ I could not tell you half my plans in that room, Alice. My mind is confused, and my language seems to be all ”

“ Dust—dust I ” declared a shrill voice from without.

George struck his forehead savagely and said something, but fortunately the slam ming of the door rendered it unintelli gible to Alice. Once removed from the cause of his trouble, George soon regained his good humor; and succeeded so well with his wooing that when, about two hours after, he took his departure, he did so as the prospective husband of‘the handsome heiress, Alice Somerville.

Not long after this, George and Alice were married. George’s description of his love was not in the least overdrawn, as his only thought was to make the life of his young wife happy.

Our hero’s aversion to street criers has never been removed, and he always regards them with an unsympathetic Seoul. And now, when Alice wishes to tease him a little, she merely remarks something about “ matches and shoe laces.”

CHISPA’S LETTER.

I am not yet so bald that you can see my brains. ” —Longfeu.ow.

(From Ashburton Herald, May 1.) “ Tempt me not,” said Mother Eve to the serpent. I never had an opportunity thrown in mj' way such as a neighbor of the Herald's people had the other night. Some gentleman on his way home got into Martin’s photograph shop, or rather on the stairs leading thereto, and there went to sleep, having for a bed-mate a bottle of •‘Hennessey’s Three-Star” guaranteed. Before office hours he left in a hurry—he rolled down, and left the P.B. behind him; and the boss of the negative busi ness was quite as much astonished in the morning to find a bottle of the liquor he abhorred on the sill of his door, as the man who left it was to find himself in Sergeant Pratt’s lodging-house minus his “nip,” and the photographer found use for the liquor by making use of it for chemical purposes in his laboratory ; and when Pratt’s patient came to hear of what vile uses his “ Three Star” had been put to, he at once went into D. T. ’s, and was forthwith consigned to Sunnyside.

The cackle of a goose once saved “ Rome,” and if Ashburton has not as yet arrived at so classic a summit in the world’s history as the city of Romulus and Remus has, the goose still retains its pre eminence in the poultry yard. Even in the dull times the auctioneers experience just now, the goose sometimes assumes his position and takes his stand as an ob ject worth consideration. “ Friend Har rison ” the other day sold a goose at as fair a price as a hide-bound, spavined, curby-hocked, wind-galled, and cow hocked goose ought to go, but the pur chaser was dissatisfied with his bargain and the goodnatured little auctioneer got another commission to sell the broken down biped again. Up rose a bidder who spends a good deal of his time in the vicinity of the Town Hall and announced to the audience that Mr. Knock-em-down had sold that same goose before, and the retort came pat, “ Yes, Mr. Smallbones, it is not the first goose I have sold twice. You’ve been sold twice in your life man, I’ll bet.”

There are veterinary surgeons and vets. An instance came under my notice a day or two ago where a vet., that is, an amateur one, and a female at that, adopted a rather original cure for a horse suffering from what in a human subject would be described by the medical fraternity as Marasmus, which term dished up into decent English means want of grub. Well, this female vet. went into the pro cess of curing the horse in her own parti cular style, and after reading up autho rities she got a bit mixed about what the disease was, and what the proper physic ought to be. As a matter of course, the unfortunate thoroughbred got'a dose of a most extraordinary nature. The veterinary surgeon’s book recommends a small amount of horsehair, cut up in short pieces, for worms and similar complaints, and the amateur vet. in question was of opinion that the animal couldn’t get too much of a good thing, so she cut all his tail and mane off, and chopped it up fine, and administered it to the quadruped in his oats. Talk about cannibalism after that ! The unfortunate horse eat the portion of himself administered to him under the guise of “ feed,” but he had a good revenge his burial expenses amounted to 30s.

THINGS IN GENERAL. Who bought that dog? This simple query brought A magistrate, three lawyers, and four auc tioneeis In solemn conclave ; and an answer sought With calm deliberation. Doubts and fears Alternate swayed, as eager fought— Or seemed to fight—the lawyers ; then ap pears Array of legal lore, and all agog The audience wait to know who bought that dog? All witnesses must “lave the Coort,” the bobby said. Which caused an exodus sublime to see. Then Mr. Branson said before he pled. That out of hearing, too, must added be. Then did his echoing voice resound—the dead Must hear the roaring music, and the sea Yield up the ghost. Says O , “ I’m sore afraid Your Worship’s mandate cannot be obeyed.” Then legal quibbles came t’ involve the cause. And badgered witnesses turned pale and red; And Mr. Crawley claimed expenses, as by laws Entitled, when he swore and said, “Defendant did not buy the dog;” an un expected clause From plaintiff’s witness, and n®t prior paid. When O’, then asked him how that fact he knew. On oath, he said, ’twas told him so as true. But here an unexpected point arose ; Another query wanted answer given. Who sold the dog ? for i .ullock did depose He sold the dog; and as he hoped for heav’n. Was certain on’t; but then the bailiff as a witness goes And swears he sold the dog, and him hath given Defendant’s brother. Now a “clear nova tion,” This was adjudged, which rhymes with bothera tion.

Then Mr. O’, addressed the nonsuit point, And quoted several old and famous cases. He worked “ novation” till ! t seemed out of Joynt, And put defendant sorely through his paces. About that dog, which someone had pur loined. And never paid the price, some three pounds ten. He would appeal, and bring it on again.

Then “ costs” arose, with horrid front, And Branson argued he must have ’em all. Professional and other fees, as he is wont. For he can swallow ’em both great and small. He said “ fees always relish nonsuit point ; But half-a-guinea’s such a little haul.” His Worship said, “ Then that is all you’ll get So wc all vanished then to have a wet.

But as we travelled on the track for beer A rumor came, before which laughter fled. The dog was dead. His death was very queer — For he had eaten oft his puzzled head. Eight bob a week appeared to him so dear For his poor keep ; and then his dread Of law and auctions broke his heart. He barked, and said, “ Go, bring the coroner when I am dead. ” Chispa.

THE ASHBURTON GUARDIAN, TUESDAY, MAY 4, 1880.

Printed and published by Horace John Weeks and Charles Dixon, at their Printing Office, East Street, Ashburton, Tuesday, May 4, 1880.



Business Notices. NEW SHOP. JUST OPENED, TO MEET REQUIRE MENTS. TOBACCONISTS, Fancy Goods and Stationery Depot, PROSPECT BUILDINGS, East stp.eet, Shop formerly occupied by Weston. Good Stock of Cigars, Tobacco, and Pipes of every description. HAIR - CUTTING, SHAVING, AND SHAMPOOING on the premises. Licensed to sell Postage Stamps. c 766g-3660



Business Notices. HALLO! HiLLO! QUILL AGAIN. REDUCTION IN PRICES. BOTTLED WINES & SPIRITS. T. QUILL, SEEING the necessity of a Wholesale Bottling, Wine, and Spirit Store in Ashburton, has determined to supply that want, and therefore begs to submit the following list of Prices, every article guaranteed to be of the best and purest description. PRICE LIST. Brandy Flasks, 2s. and 4s. per flask. Fine Old Port, per Bottle, ss. and 6s. Superior old Dry Montelado, (old Sherry) ss. & 6s. Very old Scotch Whisky, per Bcttle ss. Fine old Irish Whisky, per Bottle, ss. Superior old Jamaca Rum, per Bottle, ss. Fine old Martelle’s Dark Brandy, per Bottle, ss. Hennessey's Brandy, per Bottle, 6s. Superior Square Gin (J.D.K.Z.), per Bottle, 6s. Superior Old Tom (Swain Booth’s), per Bottle, ss. All other brands equally Reduced. QUILL’S Assorted Dozen of Best Wines and Spirits for £3 10s, containing— -3 bottles Brandy 2 „ Port 2 ~ Rum 2 bottles Whisky 2 ~ Sherry 1 ~ Old Tom (Ready packed, and forwarded to any part of the County on the shortest notice.) One trial will prove to Quill’s customers the quality of his taps. COMMENCING MONDAY, 26th APRIL. Open from 7a. m to 6 p.m. during winter months. Note Address — T. QUILL’S, WHOLESALE BOTTLING STORES, Commercial Hotel, (Near Railway Station), Ashburton. 751 g



PATRONISED BY ALL CLASSES. THE GREATEST DISCOVERY OF THE AGE. NINE R ’ S TRADE MARK. PURE EXTRACT of KEROSINE WILL IF fLAMP IS UPSET. Burns in any Kerosine Lamp ; gives a brighter light, lasts longer, is free from smell and free from danger. Sold by all respectable grocers and storekeepers throughout the colony. The next time you want Oil for your Lamp try a tin of “ Niner’s Extract.” Sold in pints, quarts, half-gallon and one-gallon tins. Wholesale and Retail Agents for the Ashburton District— O R R AND CO., Ashburton and Rakaia. 316c-735g



BEST NEWCASTLE COALS LAMBTON COLLIERY. 50s. TER TON. PER CENT. DISCOUNT for CASH. SPRINGFIELD COALS 40s. PER TON. 10 Per Cent, Discount for Cash. To be delivered in my yard. Accounts to be paid monthly. 359C-773G C. PERCY COX.



FARMERS ! FARMERS ! FARMERS ! R. McKERROW AND CO., RE Cash Purchasers of Wool, Grain, and all kinds of Farm Produce, and are Iso prepared to make Liberal CASH ADVANCES on the above placed in their hands either for sale or shipment to the English or Colonial Markets. A Large Stock of Cornsaoks, Wool packs, &c., for sale at lowest current prices. R. McKERROW & CO., GRAIN MERCHANTS, RAKAIA. 63 TO FARMERS. TjHE UNDERSIGNED are CASH PURCHASERS of WHEAT, OATS, and BARLEY, and are prepared to SHIP WHEAT to the English markets on fare iers’ account at the lowest possible cost ■. ■ P. CUNNINGHAM & CO., 561« Ashburton and Christchurch. FINE ARTS, ART UNION. A SPLENDID Collection of OIL PAINTINGS and Water Color DRA'V 71NGS, by Mr. Clarke, of Rakaia, are to be disposed of by Art Union. The pictures i are on view at the shop next to Mr. Street’s, Saddler, Rakaia. Tickc ts, 10s each, can be obtained at Mr. Stn bet’s Saddler, Rakaia, and of TH.OS. A. GATES, Picture Frame Maker. 480770 s Ashburton.



Railway Time Table. R EVISED RAILWAY ' FJI R AIN ARRANGEMENTS. CHRISTHURCH AND ASHBURTON SECTION. SOUTH. NORTH. t Stop to allow passengers to alight only. ASHBURTON AND TIMARU SECTION. SOUTH, NORTH. RAKAIA AND ASHBURTON FORKS RAILWAY. TIMARU AND DUNEDIN SECTION. SOUTH, NORTH.



Business Notices. THE ASHBURTON GUARDIAN. in the Country are Particularly requested to communicate with the Publishers if their papers are not properly addressed. The number; of Sub scribers has increased so rapidly that un less great care is taken in giving orders as to address and how to be sent, the papers may be left at the wrong place. All order anil receive our prompt attention. WEEKS AND DIXON, Proprietors.



Business Notice. A. J. WHITE’S STEAM CABINETMAKING AND FURNITURE ESTABLISHMENT, CHRISTCHURCH, Will be found one of the most convenient in New Zealand. THE Stock being so varied, that pur chasers may at once select any Article they can possibly require, suitable for any class of House. This will be found an IMMENSE ADVANTAGE TO COUN TRY CUSTOMERS Thus saving time, trouble and expense. 589 a



Business Notices. Dissolution OF Partnership. —— -0 ORR AND CO., to announce that they intend to DISSOLVE PARTNERSHIP on Ist SEPTEMBER. They will therefore, on Saturday, May Ist, offer the whole of their superior stock, amounting to over £20,000 worth of DRAPERY, IRONMONGERY, AND GROCERIES, AT COST PRICE. The I’edTiCtions in price extends to every Department in our Business, And we trust our Customers will pay PROMPT CASH DURING SALE. All Goods will be marked in plain figures with Red Ink. All outstanding accounts must be paid at once so that partnership accounts may be adjusted. ORR & CO., ASHBURTON & RAKAIA April 24th, 1880. P.S.—A Large Shipment of Drapery Goods just opened up ex Pallala.



Public Notices. TO FARMERS. J I IHE undersigned are CASH BUYERS Of Wheat and other Grain, or will make LIBERAL ADYANCES On shipments to London on grower’s account. DEERING’S TWINE BINDER. NOTICE TO FARMERS. have this day APPOINTED MESSRS. FRIEDLANDER BROS. SOLE AGENTS for the PEERING TWINE BINDER for the county of Ashburton. MASON STRUTHERS & CO. Christchurch 10th. The Deering Twine Binder AWARDED GOLD MEDAL At Ashburton, six machines competing. THE DEERING TWINE BINDER took the SPECIAL PRIZE at the Oamaru trial etc. JJAYING been appointed sole agents for the above machines, we are now prepared to TAKE ORDERS for the coming season. As only a LIMITED NUMBER can be supplied, all who wish to make certain of securing those favorite machines fo next season should order before the depar-



Guns! Guns! Guns! POWDER. SHOT. CAPS. OEE AND CO. assortment of BREECHLOADING DOUBLE AND SINGLE-BARREL GUNS, And as these have been imported direct from the manufacturers, we are prepared to. Sell at the Prora £2 10s to*£2S. now on hand a very fine



ture of next San Francisco Mail. FFJEDLMDER B R .°. A GEN T S FOR THE COLONIAL FIRE AND MARINE INSURANCE COMPANY OF NEW ZEALAND SOLE AGENTS FOB THE CELEBRATED ALTHOUSE SELF - REGULATING WINDMILLS.



(Medical. For coughs, bronchitis, in- FLUENZA, COLDS, &c. jp0 WELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED, P OWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED. HI P OWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED. THE Oldest and Most Effectual COUGH REMEDY. Extraordinary testimo nials. HER MAJESTY S GUN BOAT ' NETBEY, Wick, Scotland f Dear Sir, Having had a most distressing and severe cough, which caused me many sleepless nights and restless days, I was recommended by his LORDSHIP the EARL of CAITHNESS to try your most invaluable Balsam of Aniseed, and I cab assure you, with the first dose, I found immediate relief, even without having to suspend my various duties; and the first small bottle com pletely cured me, therefore I have the greatest confidence in fully recommend ing it to the million. Signed, W. LINZELL, H.M.G.B. NETLEY. POWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED. Due de Montabor writes : “ Chateau de Montabor, Aveyron. Sir, —Having suffered for some time from an obstinate cough, accompanied with fever, continuous head-aches, and sleepless nights, I resolved after having vainly tried several other medicines, to have recourse to your BALSAM of ANISEED. I cannot resist, sir, the desire of making you acquainted with the really marvelous results which I derived from it. From the first dose I felt great relief, the bad symptoms grew feebler, the irritation of the throat was calming down, and I recovered the sleep which had nearly left me. The third dose delivered me completely, and I am now completely restored to health. Receive, sir, with the expression of my gratitude the assurance of my distinguished sentiments. DUO DE MONTABOR.” POWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED. “ Sir,—l have for a long time suffered from a severe cough and tried all manner of remedies. Dr. Liberecht advised POWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED ; it cured me after a few days. : You’are at liberty, to use tfflSS' letter in hopes that others may behefit’by it— I am. Sir, Yours. &c., , ■ ■ . ALBERT COUNT POTOCKI.” pOWELL’S BALSAM OF ANISEED. WILL LOOSEN the PHLEGM imme diately.—The Dean of Westminster’s Verger writes': “I was advised to try the Balsam of Aniseed; I did, and have found great relief. It is most comforting in allaying irritation and giving strength to thevoice.” . Lionel Brough, Esq., the eminent actor, writes: I think it an invaluable medicine for members of my profession, and, have always recommended it to my brother and sister artistes.” Truly an extraordinary ex- PECTORaNT.—ML Edward M. Ullett, of Bury, Hunts., writes to Messrs. . Palmer & Son, Ramsay :• —“ Having been iii the habit o using Powell’s Balsam of Aniseed for a great number of years, I have great pleasure in bear ing testimony to its incomparable effects as an expectorant. I always find a single dose gives immediate relief, and a small bottle effects a perfect cure.” ,



POWELL’S BALSAM of ANISEED.— The effects of one teaspoonful taken in a little water before going to bed is extraordinary. No family should be without it in the winter. Sold by Chemists and Medicine Vendors throughout the World, is and 2s 3d per per bottle; a great saving in taking family bottles, ns each. Established , over .50 years. Prepared only by THOMAS POWELL, Blackfriars Road, London. A ; SK for POWELL’S BALSAM ANISEED of SOLD by all CHEMISTS and STORE- S KEEPERS. Observe the Trade Mark, I “Lion, Net, and Mouse.” Wholesale Agents in the Australian and New Zealand Colonies -Elliot Brothers ;'j Eyers & Solomon ; Felton, Grimwalde, & Co. ; P. and S. Falk, Faulding & Co., Rocke, Tompsit, & Co.; Rosenthall & Co.; Kempthorne, Prosser, & Go.S. Hoffenung & Co.; Hemmons, Laws, & Co, ; Berkley, Taylor, & Co.; and all other wholesale houses. Proprietor:— Thomas ■ Powell, Blackfriars Road London. KEATINGS GOUGH LOZENGES, Goughs, - asthma, bronchitis, I* ACCUMULATION OF; PHLEGM. Composed of the ■ purest articles. These Lozenges contain no opium nor any'deleterious drug, therefore the most delicate can take them with perfect confidence. Their beneficial; effect is speedy and certain..,,. This ...old un failing family remedy is daily recommended by the most eminent- Physicians. (In use nearly •60 years). MEDICAL TESTIMONY. July 25th, 1877. 22, Cold Harbour Lan^, London. r> Sir,: —Your Lozenges are-excellent, and their beneficial effect most, reliable. ‘ I strongly recommend them in cases of cough and asthma. ' You are at liberty to state this as my opinion, formed from many years experience. J. Bringloe, M.R.C.S.L., L.S.A. 1 , L.M, Mr. T. Keating, Indian Medical Service. . Dear Sir, —Having tried your Lozenges in India, I have much pleasure in ‘testifying to i their beneficial effects-in cases of incipient consumption, asthma and bronchial affections. I have prescribed them -lai-gely, with the best} results. . ; W. B. G, ———, Apothecary. H.M.S. KEATINGS COUGH LOZENGES are sold by all Chemists, in tins gf various sizes, each having the words, “Keatings’s Cough Lozenges ” engrrvenon the government stamp.; KEATING’S WORM TABLETS, A PURELY VEGETABLE SWEETMEAT, ooth in appearance and taste, furnishing a most' agreeable method of administering the only; certain remedy for INTES TIN A L or'; THREAD WORMS. It is a perfectly safe and mild preparation, and is especially adapted for children. Sold in tins by all Chemists. Proprietor, THOS. KEATING, London, . -Export Chemist and Druggist. TO PRINTERS. MACHINE FOR SALE. FO R S A L E. One Second-hand Double Demy ;. Tape Printing MACHINE, in thorough working order, with rollers, moulds, &c., complete. This machine has been replaced by a Double Royal Wharf edale, which a necessitates removal of the Double Demy Machine formerly used for printing the “Herald ” and = “ Guardian,”; for hand m. steampower. Can be seen and all Vji ticulars obtained at our office. For a Country Office this MacK3 suits admirably, as it can easily be turn? by hand, for which we have fitted a Jly wheel and handle. ‘ ‘ j Price £7O WEEKS & DIXON