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Whatz The Use Of Telling Sorry After The Age Of 50
Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vivbass, May 1, 2007.
May 22, 2007 #11
puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame
hi pavithra,
Please don't mind my comments on your comments. It is my own experience which i would to tell :
Your comments on men
"i think men have their own brains and can think wats right n wrong."
I think it doesn't hold good for all men. Some men does't have brain that they will think logically and judge people.
I have some extremeties in my own family.
My husband doesn't have brain, whatever his mom says he just listens.
Out of fear to this dialogue '"kalyanathukku aparam paiyyan mariduvan", my husband always so cautious in front of his mom that he doesn't sleep in my room, doesn't talk to me for a min also.
Where as his elder brother is 50% better, he listens to both mom and wife.
YOunger one listnes only to his wife, he never leaves his wife for a moment.
Punitha
puni88, May 22, 2007
pavithrasriram Bronze IL'ite
hi puni,
i also agree with u.its not all of them i meant, there are exceptions.i think it would be easier if the husband also took care of his wife's needs sumtime.its not fair always worryin abt wat others wud say.we have to live life for ourselves,we always can't keep thinkin abt wat others say.rite?
pavithrasriram, May 23, 2007
krish22 Senior IL'ite
The foto story really hillarious..
And Puni is true.
If men have brains also they won't bather to use on their mothers and sisters.
Infact they try to use on wives.Simply they tell I can't tell them what's wrong and right.Their sorry is anyway waste for us.
Krish.
krish22, Jul 17, 2007
padmaiyangar Bronze IL'ite
the article is good, nice and I liked . I am 50 plus
padmaiyangar, Jul 20, 2007
rajmiarun Gold IL'ite
100% true. This is for all the statements given above by all. What is the role of a wife in a family? One of my friend says it sarcastically; she is all in one but none for all!!!! Does it fit any where?
Husbands !!!! Always becomes a exclamatory mark. When he is a son of the parents, he is too good a son. When he is the brother of his siblings again too good. When he is the father of his kids, too good to the core that the kids say that they have the best father in the world. What about being the best man for a woman? No one knows what does that mean. All that a man think about her is he is giving his share of money and she is in turn what is to be given by a woman and there is nothing so special about it.
How many husbands realize that woman too have special qualities, qualifications and thoughts? Not all men. Infact only a very few identify the hidden talents of their wives and help them nurture it. Then too by the humbleness of the wife they are put forward in the front and get the credit done.
I want to share a story :
There was a girl who loved her father the most. He was everything for him and whatever he said she agreed to it. According to the father the mother is fit for nothing and she is nothing but a person who just gave birth to his daughter. The girl is exceedingly great in everything she does and she is the class topper, she studied all her education including her foreign education in scholarship which made her father beam even more. She got a very good job and the entire family moved to a very big house provided by the company. Still the mother insisted that she cooked daily inspite of all the servants that were provided by the company.
All were going smooth and one fine day the father got a severe heart attack and without even talking to his beloved daughter. The daughter cried, cried and cried for days together. But it dawned on her that her mother did never cried right from the moment her father had passed off. She was getting irritated and burst out one day at her mother that she has no heart and she is not worried about the death of her father that is her husband.
It was then the girl's aunt came to their house who had been away in US after her marriage. And who was unable to attend her brother's funeral. She was so sympathetic towards her sister-in-law. She never grieved over her brother's death. She told her niece that all these years she had been in touch with her sis in law through letters, and had known all the girl's acheivements through her mother. She is a proud mother said her aunt. The girl brushed off her saying that she could be anything but she is not a good wife; she has never cried over the loss of her husband.
Her aunt chuckled and said infact I am happy that your mother is free now startling the girl. She looked at her aunt confused who said do you know anything about your mother? Do you know who she is and what she is? She is a great painter and a good singer. She was m classmate and friend at highschool and college; your father (she said I dont like him to be called my brother) wanted to marry her and my parents seeked your mother's hand and they were so proud as by that time your mother had sung close to 100 songs in films and for a song she had also got national award. Her paintings are too good and intricate that even the smallest one fetched great money as her colour sense is too good.
The girl still looked confused, her aunt continued it was just because ofyour father she stopped everything, as she gained more name, fame and money your father cannot bear it. But this stupid friend of mine was in head over heels love with him that she accepted all his conditions. He asked her to quit singing and painting that she became a mere housewife. Though many including me persuaded her not to do it she accepted what all her husband has asked for and went into a shell.
The girl started realising things that had happened all through her life; she had always thought that it was her father who had drawn all the record note drawings but the truth is it was her mother who never took the credit. So many simple things like that had been done by her mother and not by her father who had always taken the false credit. For once in her life she started seeing things differently. She started having a great respect for her mother and her father started going down in her respect.
Just then her mother started singing the song for which she had got National Award. The girl always loved the song and she had always wanted to meet the singer who have sung the song though she was unable to trace her as the singer is no longer singing and her whereabouts is also unknown. She was awestruck that it was her mother who is the singer and all along she had been searching for the singer.
She hugged her mother for the first time in her life and cried out her heart just to see her mother break into great sobs and louder cries. She started feeling all the remorse she had for her mother turn towards her father and stopped crying for him.
She now promised her aunt that she will support her mother from now on and all the hidden talents of her mother will be bought to light by her and it will be her life's aim."
rajmiarun, Jul 30, 2007
Aug 18, 2007 #16
SunitaGN New IL'ite
puni88 said: ↑
Very true. WhatZ the use of telling sorry after 50 yrs.
I don't except from my husband, because he never says sorry to me and he is such a male chauvinistic that he will never feels sorry for whatever he has done, infact at that time too he might say that his mom was very great person.:bangcomp: :bangcomp: (one is for my MIL and another is for my husband)
Atleast I will teach my sons not to ill treat their wives.
:mrgreen: hahaha... sorry no i dont mean to laugh at your troubles! as a fellow woman (only without the frustrations u r facing) i understand what u r going thru.. its just your hammering that made me laugh!
I absolutely admire this sense of humor (for what else can it be called!) among the many members on this website.
Thank you :-D I really love the spirit, girls.
SunitaGN, Aug 18, 2007
WesternDevi New IL'ite
Most of the posts on this site deal with how bad in-laws are and how the husband never takes side of his wife coz like a baby he is still afraid of Mommy.
Are men in India really that childish?
Why don't men in India love their wives and stick up for them?
If they are not ready to do that, then they are not ready to marry and should just continue to suck milk from their Mommies boobs.
And on the other hand it is the fault of the wives for allowing their husbands to treat them like sh*t. A wife has to lay down the law on how she will allow herself to be treated, and that should be with RESPECT.
WesternDevi, Aug 27, 2007
dear western devi,
very sorry to know you have got a picture like this from the asian community, but if more woman came here sharing their excellent relationship this site would be tooo over crowded with such letters, we as humans remember the wrong things more, and may be that is why we come here to find solace, when the parents of the girl stand helplessly, watching these as they have no go, and then the integral feeling of adjusting and staying together to make a family goes out, we fail in many ways, because we are emotionally too tied up, we are ready to pardon the other for his mistakes, which may be the men take advantage about...i know your anger, many of us share this here, and we try to console them in whatever way possible. we are now getting more and more independant financially and i think a change is already all over, that is why we get so many divorce cases all over, which is not good for the human relation..thanku for your opinion,men all over the world are childish and we have all to work together to understand that...regards sunkan
sunkan, Aug 27, 2007
Abha Bronze IL'ite
Dear Western Devi
By the way what sort of language are you using here !!! please mind you language. Seeing your posts you yourself seem to be quite sexually frustrated !
Abha, Aug 27, 2007
You mean to say one for all and none for one. As opposed to the popular saying, "one for all and all for one".
I am sorry to read all of this harsh treatment of wives by their husbands and in-laws in India.
Here in USA, generally speaking, such treatment is borderline illegal and certainly court-case worthy.
Although there is beauty in "traditional cultures", I feel that for women the negativity far outweighs the positivity.
However, women are to blame for this. Unless we stick up for ourselves, who will?
It is time for Indian women to be bold and take a stand. Do not give in to unreasonable demands and do not put your life on hold for any man or his mother.
It seems that the family structure of India, of which so many Indians are proud, is actually the cause of most of the grief women in India experience.
Women spoil their male children so that they expect their wives to serve them tea from the very first day of marriage onwards. Even the mother in law expects this and thus I'm reading that if any man serves tea to his wife in bed, he has to hide that from his mother!
These things are absolutely inconceivable here in USA, unless you visit the homes of some "traditional" hindus or muslims from foreign countries. And then there is a demand that such people "assimilate" to the bigger cultural norm of gender equality.
These reasons are the same reason why my mother left India at the age of 20 and made a life for herself on her own here in USA back in the 60's. She wanted to know what it was like to be in an equal and loving relationship with a man.
On the otherhand I know there are several MEN who are suffering in India as well. A very good American psychiatrst friend of mine visited India recently and she came back saying that as soon as people found out she was a psychiatrist they all started opening up to her about their unhappiness in marriage, and it was mostly men who complained about a lack-lustre marriage with an unloving wife who did not know how to have fun. So I realize it's not just women who are suffering in dead-end relationships.
Something must be wrong with the fabric of the marriage system in India to have so many dissatisfied people. At least here if you are dissatisfied in marriage you can leave and make a life on your own or find another partner and nobody cares or talks about you.
In my humble opinion, gained from experience growing up as an Indian-American and seeing alot of unhappy, dry, lifeless desi marriages even here, I would say that it's an imbalance of power that creates unhappy unions. If a female is taught from birth, either through words or the example of her mother, that her whole purpose in life is to get married to a "suitable boy" from a "good family" and act as his and his parents servant for the rest of her life, to tolerate and "adjust" as much as she can and then some more, then she grows up with an inferiority complex which is very hard to overcome. If she has no power in the family, in the marriage structure, then what is her fate? A wife is more like a child, or worse, like a servant, in a relationship where she is supposed to be a respected equal.
To live in fear of one's in-laws or to constantly worry what they will think about how you look, eat, dress or browse the internet is in essence to live like a 10 year old child in fear of her mommy and daddy. For goodness sake, a married woman is an adult!
Ladies, I haven't been to India since 2004 but I feel I need to make another trip there soon and see what I can do create some awareness on this issues over there. I have a license in relationships counseling and I think I might put it to good use over there.
Kaput replied Jan 17, 2022 at 10:08 PM