Terence
Captain Jax Brightwater
Tonate Proper

"That is exactly why I worry, Anya.  Two kingdoms, two crowns, two bastards, and this is year two of me serving you.  You have to admit it bears the beginning of a bad omen.  What if I just brought your empire to ruin by not being responsible?"  He was panicking.  The common number, and his great superstition mounting with his anxiety could only mean something terrible was going to happen.  In a moment of weakness he broke down.

"I'm terrified, Anya, I'm a terrible choice for a father."  He sunk his head into the palms of his hands.
Steven
Queen Anyanka Durkhan
Tonate Proper

Anya pressed her lips to the side, watching as he took a moment to explain what sounded like superstition. She exhaled softly, moving from her seat across from him into the one beside him. Her hand found his wrist, carefully trying to coax his hand down so she could see his face. 

"Jax, darling. You're finding meaning in things that carry none. I've spent two years with you by my side keeping me safe from my own stupid decisions." Her concerned look melted a bit, and she offered him a soft laugh and a smile. 

"Jax I've wanted another child for so long. I've wanted _your_ child for about a year. This does not scare me. My kindgoms won't fall because we fucked all those months ago." 

Her expression softened, and she pressed a careful kiss to his shoulder. "And if it matters, I think you're a fine choice to be a father. But, like I said before, I've lost a handful, I don't think you'll have to worry about this. I'm telling you because.." She paused. "Well because I want you on board to stay at my side. I don't want you to run over this."
Terence
Captain Jax Brightwater
Tonate Proper

"Except at the Council."  He hissed at her remark.  "If I was a competent man I would have stopped the shifter.  My sword is silver for God's sake, I should have stopped her."

He let her take his one hand, but only pressed his forehead into the other harder, almost turning away from her new position.

"We haven't talked about my failure there yet.  We should.  I think you should find a guard capable of protecting your line.  Those moths..."  His voice drifted as he thought back to the ritual, "They were obviously wrong, I'm  no protector if I can't even stop one assassin."

*Heath stopped them.*

*I know.*

*You could never be him.  You could never even pretend!*

"I know!"  He spoke aloud, catching himself a moment later, "I know you would rather have someone like Heath Romanov protecting the Durkhans."
Steven
Anyanka Durkhan
Tonate Proper

Another reason so beat himself up over something he'd not been fully responsible for. She'd been attacked because she'd left the Eclipse behind, thinking Romanov would keep her safe for the time she needed to buy his word to help keep Mika sheltered from chaos a little longer. 

"If I blamed you for what happened at the council I would have told you as much. You've done your job every time you've been tasked with it, you're tasked to keep me safe, not to babysit." He had turned away from her and she pursed her lips once more. 

"Heath Romanov has been the reason for a _lot_of hurt for the Durkhans. When will you stop comparing yourself to him? When you've outgrown his own achievements, because you're on track to do so. Head of the Queen's guard, father to a prince," She paused, and let the last one set as a possibility, hoping it didn't weigh too heavy "King, if the title was wanted."
Terence
Captain Jax Brightwater
Tonate Proper

"Tasked to keep you safe, yet you have a lovely scar to prove I failed at that."  He dodged the other question on purpose.

When would he stop trying to surpass Heath?  He was on the Kingsguard at the same age, and they both held the same position theoretically.  He asked himself instead.

*When, then?  I've proven myself his equal in every regard.*

*When did he acknowledge you?  He didn't even recognize you when you delivered your resignation in person.*

That stung deeper than he thought, but he was with Anya, she deserved to know.

"He was my superior officer, we had the same scores in the Academy, and yet he still won't acknowledge me.  Does he even know I'm still alive?  I stood in front of him and his face held no recognition whatsoever."  He paused, his breath shaky.  He could feel a flashback coming on.  "He's the best knight in Feyshore, we all aspired to be him.  How could I not compare myself to him?  He's even the father of Prince Mikhail, and now I've created another bastard.  I'm following in his footsteps along every curve, he is me, and I'm incompetent."
Steven
Anyanka Durkhan
Tonate Proper

Her eyes almost rolled, but she caught the motion before it did, her eyes casting upwards briefly before they closed so she could settle the urge to tell him he was being ridiculous. It wasn't helpful, and honestly she could see why he was flustered, but didn't understand the insecurity. 

"The scar wasn't your fault, and if you continue to try and blame yourself for it, I'll correct you every time. Romanov's shifter bitch acted on her own." 

He had let her take his wrist before, and her hand slid up over his palm, fingers lacing into his own and squeezing tightly as she shifted in her seat to face him better. 

She may have been on rocky terms with Heath right now, but he was still an impressive man. Still the first one she'd ever loved, and it hurt to watch someone else she loved crushing himself with the weight of the comparison. If she looked, she could see it too, but she pushed the thought away that maybe she'd fallen so heavily into Jax because of the similarities. Heath was impressive, but he also was a disaster in his own right. But of course Jax wouldn't know that. 

"That was years ago. You have to stop idolizing this man." As she said them, she realized Angelica had told her something similar once. She pinkened, but continued. "Jax, darling, no one is finding you lacking when compared. I've known and worked with and loved both of you. There are similarities yes, the situations you've both found yourself in are similar, yes; but you're a different man." Her hand tightened once more and she squeezed, lifing their hands so she could press a careful kiss to the back of his. "If you were incompetent you'd not hold the position you do. You'd not hold any authority in my kindgoms. You'd not hold me or my heart. Please take a moment to acknowledge that in yourself."