Dorothy
Night was beginning to approach, but hadn't fully darkened the earth. Dusk painted itself across the sky in brush strokes of deep blue with hints of sun near the horizon. In the darkest parts of the sky, stars were beginning to appear im the small spaces between the clouds. 

In an attempt to break free of the weight that had him pinned to his bed over the past few days, Dae-hyun was out on a walk. He didn't have a destination in mind, and remained close to the Cradle, but he'd see where his absentminded steps took him. 

A chill lingered in the air. It was surprisingly cold, but the boy didn't mind. With a comfortable jacket layered over a sweater, he'd remain outside. As he moved, he looked at the ground. Occasionally at the sky. He was far too distracted to really notice anything else. 
A soft hum echoed quietly from his lungs.
Bob
They expected no company. It was late. No problem, they had thought, solitude is better for all of that anyway, but the solitude was starting to gnaw at them. They had been isolated for quite a long time; they had failed to really make friends at Newton's Cradle, and they hadn't done a great job at interacting with other people outside of their non-existent circle of friends. So they hadn't spoken to anyone.

Getting out of bed in the morning was beginning to be a challenge.

In truth, that was part of the reason they'd made their way out to this little patch of suburban nature; they were asking the universe for a way out of their rut, with both offerings and divination.

Needless to say, seeing Dae-hyun walk down the dirt path leading to the grove seemed in every sense an answer to their prayers. They collected their things, stood up, and waved at him, smiling reassuredly all the while.
Dorothy
Movement out of the corner of his eye sent a small shock of fear through Dae-hyun. It didn't last long however, and it melted into a familiar warmth once he understood who was across from him. 

It was Fennel, someone Dae-hyun had been meaning to check up on properly— but the time just seemed to slip by. Lovely that the two of them just happened to be outside at the same time. 

Dae-hyun stopped where he was and turned towards them, waving back. He also returned the smile. It a tired smile, though, and the stress on his face would be rather obvious if not for the creeping dark. 

"Hello Fennel, it's nice seeing you out here! How have you been?"
His voice was friendly as always.
Bob
Fennel spent a few moments just smiling that same calm smile, trying to figure out how to answer.

They finally settled on "Oh, you know. Bit tired lately. But I'm grand." And shrugged, silently hoping that it was casual enough to not worry Dae-hyun.

"You?"
Dorothy
Dae-hyun tilted his head lightly. He understood *Tired,* But didn't want to push it.
"Well, I'm glad to hear." 

He figured he was probably projecting his own feelings onto the matter. It was a bad habit, to see the melancholy in everything when he himself wasn't the most happy. 

He decided that was behind him right now. This was a new interaction.

"Hm. About the same. Lots of stuff happened recently— just recovering from it all." He took a deep breath. 

"Want to join me on my walk?"
Bob
"Mm." For Fennel, *Nothing* Happened recently. They were both far from happy, for very different reasons. At least Fennel wasn't the only one ruining the mood.

"Love to," They nodded. "Lead the way."

They would've taken anyone else on a longer walk through the few patches of nature that weren't wild animal territory, but Dae-hyun? With the cane? They were going to let him lead the way.
Dorothy
"I... Don't have a destination in mind. To be honest."
He gave a small wry laugh. 

"I just wanted to get outside— but I appreciate you joining me."

The night was a lovely comfort for Dae-hyun. It felt like family to be out in the dark, to feel the cold chill of the absent sun. 
Placing his free hand back in his pocket, he waited for Fennel and then kept walking. Today he was in a better physical state, and could walk with little pain. 

Perhaps having no destination was nice, it would give them the time to talk with no true end point. 

For a second there was silence. Small talk was so boring. 

"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?"
Bob
"Let's just walk, then." Seemed like Dae-hyun was doing well. Fennel was more than happy to keep up.

They appreciated the silence, for the brief moment it was. Silence alone is a space to meditate, to consider; in the company of others, it's a space to experience, to feel. Walking quietly next to someone was nice.

Conversation was nice too, though. Especially when it wasn't small talk. Fennel nodded.

"Yeah. I do." They paused for a second to find the right phrasing. "Some things happen because the universe wants them to happen. Some things, we make happen. Everything has a reason, even if we don't always know it."

They pause again, this time to think.

"That's the kinda question you ask if you're grieving. Did something happen?"
Dorothy
Dae-hyun listened to Fennel talk. He picked up each word, internalized it, let it sit for a moment. 

It was hard to believe, but comforting to hear nonetheless. He hoped eventually he'd be able to find proper truth in it. It seemed... Peaceful. 

"Hm. I like that way of thinking."

With a deep breath, he looked off towards the horizon. Trees, grass, all silently stood. 

"I suppose so, a lot of stuff that was both in and out of my control."
He sighed. 

"I wont get into the details— it's *Gritty.* I'm just sort of, looking for a fresh perspective on general life things. Talking to a bunch of different people tends to help me understand things better."

"How do you cope with things out of your control? If I can ask. Sorry that's kind of a depressing question."
Bob
"Oh. Alright then." Fennel didn't pry any further.

"I think—" Fennel stopped suddenly in their tracks, and bent down to tie their shoelaces, which had come undone, "—there are two types of people in the world. There's people who have control, and people who don't. People who have control, they spend all their time trying to keep it. Trying to make everything exactly right, trying to feel like they control the entire universe. And when that breaks, they feel like they've failed, and their plans fall apart, and that hurts. That hurts a lot."

They got back up and continued walking, still continuing their sentence.

"But they get stuff done, right? It's, like. The universe is like an infinite river. Some people try to control things. Those people swim, and they swim to where they wanna be, and usually they get there. And sometimes they swim upstream, but the water's too strong and they get swept away and hit the rocks. And then there are other people who don't try. They don't move, they just let the water carry 'em. And that's fine, they don't ever get swept away, 'cause they're going with the flow anyway, but they aren't deciding where they want to go. They're just going where life takes them. They don't need to cope, 'cause to them, it's all transient anyway, and maybe they'll be somewhere better a bit later. You know?"

They never really answered the question outright. They just decided to stop talking once they'd belabored the thought enough.
Dorothy
Dae-hyun listened intently, he nodded where breaks allowed and gave thoughtful hums to let Fennel know he was listening. 

The boy thought about who he was. Perhaps he fought too much upstream. The river did seem rather strong recently; against him. 

"Hm. I see, yeah. That makes sense."
He thought for a moment. 
"I think... I need to start letting the river carry me along more often."

"Which do you believe you are? Do you let the river carry you?" 

Fennel was already giving him a lot to think on. Learning of a new perspective was welcomed to Dae-hyun; even though changing his own was taxing and difficult. He liked the routine, the comfort, but this was a good thing to think about.
Bob
"Yeah." Fennel didn't seem entirely happy about it. They looked around them; the little grove they had sat in had long ago given way to quiet suburban streets, and even those were beginning to fade into edge-of-town warehouses and countryside.

"Is it nice?" They asked nonchalantly. "Having control of your life?"
Dorothy
Dae-hyun noticed Fennel's lack of satisfaction in their own answer. There were always two sides to every coin— and it seemed as though there was something wrong on both sides.

When they asked about him, he shrugged. 

"To be honest, I don't think I would know." He sighed slightly. 

"I think I make decisions and then what happens afterwards feels like, completely out of my control. I *Know* I *Made* The decision but for some reason it feels like I didn't. If that makes sense."

Dae-hyun thought about it. The way he went about his life sometimes felt like a wild spiral staircase in which he had been thrown down. He had wanted to make the choice to walk down the steps— but often times he felt as though he tripped more often than he walked. 
The boy shook his head, dismissing his thoughts. 

"What about you? What do you think about just, floating down the river?"
Bob
"I remember my life in chapters," Fennel responds solemnly. "The caravan, then the orphanage, then the foster family, then the gang, then this. I lost contact with everyone each time. It's like they were not even the same life." 

They sighed solemnly.

"The change happened. I did not have to cope with the change. But the consequences happened too and I had to cope with those, somehow. Dunno if that's much better, really. Maybe would be for you."
Dorothy
Dae-hyun looked up at the sky the two walked under. Trees blocked it no longer, stars now visible when they could be seen. 

"So, either cope with the change or cope with the consequences..." Dae-hyun muttered. 

"It seems like both ways, kind of just suck, don't they?" Dae-hyun gave a soft sort of laugh, that was mostly just a short exhale of air. 

The boy shook his head, he was mostly just thinking out loud. Many thoughts and ideas bounced around in his mind. 
Fennel brought up their life briefly, talking of memories and moments, and how it felt different. As of right now, Dae-hyun could resonate with that. His experiences prior to Newton's Cradle began to feel so far away the longer he spent away from it. 

"You mentioned, how you remember your life in chapters, do you have a favourite one?" 
Topic change, slightly. He figured it might be a better one.
Bob
"... Yeah, kind of." Fennel stuck their hands in their pockets and smiled wistfully. "Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering. In short, life is suffering. The Buddha said that. And for those of us who aren't trying to reach Nirvana, we just have to deal with it."

They seem to be taking it with humor, shrugging lightly in response to the otherwise quite depressing-sounding statement. They wait for Dae-hyun to say something before continuing.

And he changes the subject.

Fennel and Dae-hyun walk a few paces in silence before Fennel answers, stopping under an overpass to do so.

"I don't know. This... This reminds me of the gang. We slept rough, but we were in it together. The companionship was nice, but I don't miss sleeping on asphalt. I was safe with the foster family, but... They held me back. I was their precious daughter to them, and... I guess none of it was really all that perfect. Just different problems."

They keep walking.

"The caravan was nice. But I was a small child. I didn't notice anything being wrong back then. But I'm sure we were poor."
Dorothy
*Life is suffering.* 
Dae-hyun supposed it was, and that it was true. Surely what he'd been through could prove that, a thousand times over. He was a case of suffering, and yet here he was. Talking about his thoughts with someone he definitely cared about under the vast, endless expanse that is the sky he so dearly loves. 
This wasn't suffering, no matter how much he felt like recently life had been nothing but. 

"Life also has a lot of good in it, I think. Sometimes it's hard to see but— hm. I don't know."

Dae-hyun had a lot on his mind, the last part was mostly muttered. 
Fennel had good points, the different perspective he craved had been fulfilled. 

The conversation had shifted, and that he was okay with. 

As Fennel recounted their story, Dae-hyun nodded and listened. *Sleeping on asphalt, foster family, perfect daughter.* It all floated around in his thoughts. Fennel... Didn't seem like a daughter, surely never did such an idea cross his mind. Then, similarly to Lucas, a feeling pulsed through his bones. A connection, a sudden tie, as if something had tugged him forward ever so slightly. 

*You're like me.* 

Once again, comfort flooded over his skin. There was a part of his subconscious that *Knew,* Hence why it just seemed natural to refer to them neutrally, but he never fully understood it— like it was a passive thing he sort of figured, and less a fully concrete thought. He never asked, perhaps that was a failing on his end. Yet still, never did the confirmation fail to make him feel far more at ease. 

"I understand being held back, like that. I'm glad... Or I hope you're... A bit more free now." 
He gave a soft, gentle smile. 
"My mother was not too pleased at the start with who I wanted to be either, she didn't really see the full picture. Yet here I am."

He was sure Fennel could understand, he hoped his own story could offer something like comfort, a sort of solidarity. 
_ _

Fennel however had also been through things he could never understand. The other notes, about the life they had lived had particularly stuck with Dae-hyun. There were ups and downs in his life too; things to miss, and things he'd rather forget. 

"Yeah, good and bad, I suppose." He shrugged. "I feel like that'll always exist, in every situation." 

"Such is life." 
The boy didn't think perfection existed. He hoped maybe it could, somewhere.
Bob
Fennel caught onto Dae-hyun's feelings of recognition and understanding instantly. They'd known for a while, but it was nice to really get confirmation. They smiled warmly, even before Dae-hyun said anything.

"Uh-huh," They agreed, "Such is life." They paused. "I think the gang was my favorite. They were really cool. I miss having lots of friends like that. But I guess I still have time, huh?" There's a twinkle in their eye and a grin on their lips and a tone in their voice that suggests quite clearly that maybe Dae-hyun and Fennel should talk more; maybe they should be friends.

They pass along a road further into the suburbs, where Newton's Cradle was visible a few streets down. In the darkly silhouetted evening hours, it loomed, large and dark and menacing, casting a noticeable shadow in front of it.

"Anything before that... I remember the dresses, mostly. Can you imagine me in a dress?" They asked wryly. "I can't imagine you wearing one at all. Especially a big puffy one, with the cane. I don't even know how that would work." They seemed to be taking the whole thing in good humor, even if the memory was hardly pleasant.
Dorothy
*'I guess I still have time.'*
That thought made Dae-hyun feel warm, a fuzzy type of emotion, something similar to hope. There could be time; he wished for time. It would work out in the end. 

"Absolutely." 
It could be a slow process, the collection of such a similar group, but surely it could be done. The way the prospect obviously made Fennel happy made Dae-hyun wish it more than ever. He wanted them to be able to feel that way again; to feel such acceptance. 
"I'm sure it won't be hard— you're lovely to be around." 

Dae-hyun figured the two definitely should be friends, if they weren't already. 

The idea of a dress made the dark haired boy laugh. It was a short sound, but a genuine sound. It wasn't tired or forced; it held a similar feeling to skipping a rock over a calm lake, underneath a summer sun. 

"No— I can't imagine in you in one at all." A smile remained on his lips. "I think your current look suits you a lot better."

Dae-hyun too remembered dresses. He remembered being a young child that didn't *Truly* Mind it because his sister also wore dresses, but there was always a part of him that hated the feeling. A sort of, discomfort. It was also too scratchy, or too much fabric, it made him feel rather suffocated. At the time, he never really understood why he couldn't just wear what he wanted to, or why he didn't want to wear the dress in the first place.
Now he understood, and he was better off for it.

"God no— I could *Not* Pull off a dress. I am far too, boyish. It'd look silly." 
Dae-hyun was also clearly having fun, with the sputtering of a giggle at the end of his words, even if the idea made him feel uneasy if he let the image fester. 

It was nice to laugh about it, especially with someone who truly *Got it.*
It made it all feel less serious, less harmful.
Bob
Fennel pauses, and their smile wavers just a little bit. But they keep walking.

"I'm jealous," They remark quietly, not quite looking at Dae-hyun. It's as if a trap snapped shut, and they went from vibrant and happy to withdrawn and quiet in an instant. "If I put on a dress, I still look just like a girl."

At the next intersection, they turn towards Newton's Cradle. They're still smiling a little, but it's clear their mood isn't quite as jovial as before.

"Gender is hard. Every time I try not to think about it, I end up dressing wrong, and someone calls me "Miss", and I am back to thinking about it." They look at Dae-hyun directly again, with a sort of strange sorrow in their eyes. "It is the one thing that makes me swim upstream, like you do. Maybe everyone does a little bit of both."
Dorothy
Dae-hyun recognized the shift in mood, suddenly he felt rather embarrassed. He listened however, and kept a note on Fennels feelings. They weren't wrong to feel the way they did, nor did he wished for them not to speak about it, Dae-hyun just wished he hadn't brought up a topic that could remind Fennel of something upsetting.
He sighed. 

"Honestly, I'm sure if I wore a dress tomorrow I'd be called a girl too. However I think it's better for me to have the mindset that it doesn't suit me, because I don't identify as such."

"People who call you 'miss' are silly, because obviously they don't see what you do, what *I* Do."
He gave them a soft smile, reassurance that they weren't just one wrong move away from being less than who they were. 

It was still unfortunate they had to do so much to be perceived, but it wasn't all bad all the time. There was joy here, Dae-hyun knew that, despite the crushing weight of it all sometimes. 

"Like—" Dae-hyun gestured at the two of them, "— really?" 
A short laugh left his throat, it was more of an entertained scoff. A disbelief anyone could see such a thing. 
"I don't get it." 

Despite sounding like it was, the words spoken were not flattery. Dae-hyun genuinely couldn't understand. There was maybe a part of him that had just been more comfortable with himself for longer, or a part of him that was tired of relying on outside viewpoints to dictate his own mental state thus resulting in a better self image, but he couldn't see the *Girl* In either of them. No amount of anything would make that so. 

The Cradle had begun to approach, Dae-hyun was familiar with his surroundings again. 
Despite the less than happy topics the two had discussed, the dark haired boy wouldn't have chosen to spend his evening any other way. 

"Hey— uh, thanks for joining me on my walk. I really enjoyed it."
The generosity sounded slightly nervous. 
"Perhaps, we should do it again sometime."
Bob
Fennel laughed. "I still have one. I look like a different person wearing it. You maybe would not even recognize me." They were clearly trying to lighten the mood again, but it was a feeble effort. The lingering sense of unease remained in their eyes.

Still, Dae-hyun's words were a source of comfort. They smiled warmly at him, still not quite sanguine but certainly happy with his company. "Yeah," They agreed, "We should."

They spent a moment holding eye contact in silence. It felt a lot longer than the one second it lasted.

"You're a good friend," Fennel hummed. "See you later."

Before Dae-hyun could answer, Fennel was gone, vanishing somewhere into the winding concrete halls and hallways of Newton's Cradle.