conversations.from: system
conversations.value: *What shall I do with this absurdity—
  O heart, O troubled heart—this caricature,
  Decrepit age that has been tied to me
  As to a dog’s tail?
  ~W.B. Yeats*
  
  *Old age ain't no place for sissies.
  ~Bette Davis*
  
  The Asphodel Meadows Senior Living and Activity Center was not in a meadow. It had perhaps been surrounded by meadow at one time, but any evidence of the fact had long ago been paved over for additional parking. An argument could be made that the bocce ball court technically qualified; it was rapidly going to weeds since the lawyers had determined the chance of someone throwing out a hip was far too high for anyone to actually *use* it. But there were plans in the works to turn it into some sort of a reflecting pool or outdoor patio so its days were numbered.  
  
  Asphodel Meadows was where all the second tier heroes ended up—the ones who couldn’t quite afford the steep prices of the Fields of Aaru Retirement Village (not in a field) or the Isle of The Blessed Luxury Community Home (on a bluff in a desert that might, several million years ago, have been oceanfront property). The retirement business was steeply competitive, and for many staff Asphodel served as an obligatory check-mark on their resumes before they moved on to better paying, more prestigious jobs. Working with the elderly—even second tier heroes and mythological creatures—could be quite stressful, as they generally tended to retain all of the assertive properties of their youths but their filters often went missing. 
  
  Also a few of them occasionally had trouble remembering that the staff were in fact staff and not evil minions of whoever was-- in the rather cliché words of one resident right before he attempted to skewer an orderly with a sword crafted out of tin foil and coat hangers-- “keeping them prisoner in this dank and foul dungeon.” Periodically they would stage escape attempts, which often involved setting something on fire as a diversion. As a result, with the exception of a few grizzled veterans turnover among staff was rather high, and due to constant repairs the center wasn’t exactly pulling a profit. 
  
  It was likely that the whole facility would continue its slow descent into complete noncompliance with Kingdom Senior Home Regulations until it was either shut down after an inspection or an inhabitant managed to blow it up—whichever came first.
  
  But that was before the new Activities Director made a seemingly innocuous change in the usual daily schedule and tipped off a series of events that would alter the fate of Asphodel Meadows forever.
  
  She planned a field trip on a Tuesday.
  
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Driver: None of these senior citizens need to be driving *anything*. You get them where they need to go. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Orderly: You give out medications, coordinate meals, do the heavy lifting, and make sure none of your charges go astray.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Imposter: So, you weren't *exactly* a hero in your younger days, but you've told some bang-up stories about your fictional exploits and no one's around to fact-check.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Candy-Striper: You thought you were coming here to spend some time with adorable old folks and build up your volunteer hours. Easy job, right? You were wrong.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Hero: You saved the day more times than you can count. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value:  Reformed Villian: Once you were very, very good at being bad. But you saw the error of your ways just in time to avoid a nasty end.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Fairytale Something-or-other: Not a hero, not a villain. One of the folk or creatures who keep the gears of quests turning. Maybe now it's your time to shine!
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Reluctant Assistant: None of this was in your job description.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Campaign Veteren: Quests? Check. Dragons? Double-check. Princesses? Been there, done that. You've seen it all.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Intern: One of these days, maybe you'll get *paid* to go on quests. In the meantime, you'll take what you can get.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Strong Back: You're young, spry, and still have most- if not all- of your original body parts.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Fresh Blood: What you lack in experience, you make up for in enthusiasm. You aren't tied down by the traditional way of solving problems.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Tired Trickster: You can't resist coming out of retirement for one last prank.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Well-Connected: You were quite a star in your day. You can still draw on some of those connections.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Stoic: You've *seen* things. Your bar for situations that require panic or disgust is set very, very high.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Slightly Magical: You've still got a touch of that spark.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Youthful Optimism: There's a bright side to any gloomy situation- you're just sure of it. You're so sure of it, in fact, that sometimes you can drag others over to your way of thinking through the sheer power of your sunny smile.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Book Learning: Whether or not you have any *practical* experience, you've read everything you can get your hands on about the Art of the Quest.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Stuck in a Rut: You've always done it this way. You're not interested in trying anything new.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Decrepit: Your back, knees and teeth aren't quite what they used to be.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Newbie: You've never actually done this before.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Memory Loss: What were we doing again?
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Unenthusiastic: Look, wouldn't it be better if we all just played a nice game of Bingo?
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Evil Nature: You have a hard time restraining yourself from falling back into your old, less-than-savory ways.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Hard of Hearing: Eh? What's that you say? Why is everybody mumbling?
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Overachiever: Of course you don't need any help! You can do it all by yourself-- no assistance needed, thank you very much.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Return to Glory: Retirement is boring. Once, everybody knew your name. You want to be stopped on the street again. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Has-Been: You've become a footnote in the history books. No one knows who you are anymore.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Charming: You've still got that twinkle in your eye, and you've never met a stranger.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: One Last Hurrah: Why not go out with a bang?
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Make A Name For Yourself: It's never too late to become a hero.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Come Back Alive: All you want to do is get through this crazy quest and back home in one piece.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Grudge: This time, it's personal.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Get Paid: You'd better get overtime for this.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Starstruck: They're here! Right here! So close you could reach out and touch them! But you won't, because that would be weird. 
  
  Maybe you could get an autograph, though.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Young Again: The creams and potions aren't working. Surely there's a way to restore your youth.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Restore Order: Things are getting out of hand around here. Time to set it all to rights.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Asphodel Meadows Senior Living and Activity Center: Not in a meadow.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Vasiliki Featherbean: The new Activities Director. A chirpy, overly optimistic harpy with an unfortunate fondness for decorating with neon paisley. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Annis McKraken: Former taxidermist, current trouble maker. Fond of small children.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Brew a Cup (Katura, Ben, Whiskers): You really need a cup of coffee before this staff meeting starts. See if you can get Gary to oblige.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Ex-Activity Directors (Angelica, Victoria, GOETBLUDD): Remember the LAST time an Activity Director called an assembly? Didn't go very well, did it?
  What exactly happened that time, anyway?
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Ms. Nephele: Resident Volunteer Fire Marshal (self appointed) and indoor weather provider. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Chef (K,B,W): His steak is mediocre and the salad bar is nothing to write home about, but his lasagna has made grown men weep.
  
  Currently quitting.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: The Contraband Cupboard (V,A,D): Where everything fun or useful in this place goes to die.
  
  Currently unguarded.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Fairytale Something-or-Other: Not a hero, not a villain. One of the folk or creatures who keep the gears of quests turning. Maybe now it’s your time to shine!
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Slightly Magical: You've still got a touch of that spark.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Grumpy: You're old; you're allowed to be grumpy. And maybe a little bitter.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: One Last Hurrah: Goodbye, supporting role. It's time for you to show what you can do.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Troll: You are a troll, with the requisite strength and predisposition for dark places, like underneath bridges.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Monstrous Habits: You are literally a monster and you have some pretty nasty predispositions that are difficult to control.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Candy-Striper: You thought you were coming here to spend some time with adorable old folks and build up your volunteer hours. Easy job, right? You were wrong.
  
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Youthful Optimism: There’s a bright side to any gloomy situation- you’re just sure of it. You’re so sure of it, in fact, that sometimes you can drag others over to your way of thinking through the sheer power of your sunny smile.
  
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Newbie: You’ve never actually done this before.
  
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Starstruck: They’re here! Right here! So close you could reach out and touch them! But you won’t, because that would be weird. 
  
  Maybe you could get an autograph, though.
  
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Strong Back: You’re tough, spry, and still have most- if not all - of your original body parts.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Set the Record Straight: You did everything they say you did, and lots more besides.  What do scholars know anyway?  All the same, the word 'fakelore' is pretty hurtful...
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Physician (Retired): Back in your day your were one of the best in the business.  You cast aside your nature to help mankind in your own way.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Gift of Laughter: Part of your race trait is that anyone within 2 meters of you succumbs to happy feelings.  This has dulled a bit now, but it still works on occasion
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: ill-tempered: Especially with regards to your gift.  You've actively fought against it your whole life, old age is no  different.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Find Peace: It's sad that after 400 years, you still can't get people to take you seriously.  Your friends have been numbered on 2 hands.  All you want is to be left alone.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Retired Warlord: **Your enemies all are vanquished.** 
  **The bloody steppes are silent.**
  **Axe and sword alike lie still as cairns.**
  
  **Yet even now, the youth tread on your lawn.**
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Worldly: **The world once trembled before you. You crushed your enemies, you heard the lamentations of their women.** ***The world was yours.***
  
  **Now only Friday's jello trembles before you.**
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Aches: **You carry the echoes of countless campaigns in your bones. Old injuries never fully heal.**
  
  **But you're not too old to kill the man who offers you a cane.**
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Return to Glory: **Once, they knew your name, and with it they knew fear. Awe. Reverence.**
  
  **Make the world remember the name of GOETBLUDD THE POWERFUL!**
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: New At This: Yeah, this is totally your first time around. 
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: The View from a Throne: **A wise, triumphant, conquering warlord witnesses many a foible, many a blunder--and remembers.**
  
  **He remembers also who stole the last cupcake.** ***You were warned.***
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Competitive: Coming out on top, or simply outliving someone else: everything in life has a competitive edge.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: Conflict Resolution: Years of dealing with crotchety old people with the power to kill you or turn you into a frog on a whim have enhanced your skills of peaceful conflict resolution.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: The Perky Ramble: That chipper voice can go either way with people, and a person on the edge just might get tipped the wrong way.