Here Come De Judge!
TESTICLES
` "The defense calls David Brown as its next witness." `

The witness rose and confidently strode to the stand. He was about thirty
years old and his meticulous grooming and obviously good taste in clothing
caused many of the women to check for a wedding band, which he had, much to
their dissapointment.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
The bailiff intoned.

"Yes."

"Where were you at the time that the prosecution alleges that the defendent
committed the crime?" The lawyer asked, already knowing what the answer would
be.

"I was with the defendent at the time. We went to a bar in the city and stayed
untill midnight."

"Thank you. That is all for now." The lawyer said, dismissing the witness.

"Hold up a minute!" the Judge ordered, somewhat mystified by the man's
testimony. "Let me see if I have this straight. You have testified that you
and the defendent were a hundred miles away from the scene of the crime on the
night of the murder. Is that correct?"

"Yes, your Honor, it is." The witness replied, somewhat miffed that his
testimony was being questioned.

"Do you know where the words 'testify' and 'testimony'come from?" The Judge
asked the man, who was now starting to lose his composure. "They're from the
Latin word 'testis', which means 'witness', and the ancient Romans would grasp
their genitals when bearing witness to show that they were telling the truth.
Thus the male gonads were came to be called testes, or testicles. By giving
testimony the Roman witness was literally swearing by his balls that he was
telling the truth."

The witness was now very nervous and was sweating profusely.

"The night of the killing was also my daughter's birthday." The Judge informed
the court. "I drove down to the store to get some ice cream. I pulled up just
as a man was getting out of his car. A young girl, perhaps high school age was
sitting in the car drinking a wine cooler and spinning a motel key on her
finger. She smiled at me. When I got to the counter the man was paying for a
bottle of wine and a pakage of condoms. I have a good memory for faces, and
that man was you! You couldn't have been a hundred miles away."

The man was now beet red and stammering about how he was being blackmailed by
the defendent, who threatened to tell his wife about his little Lolita.

"You have made a mockery of my courtroom and I won't stand for that! Bailiffs,
seize this man and strip him!" The Judge ordered, as he extracted a small
penknife from within his robe.

The protests, and then the visceral screams of the new eunuch had been
replaced with a forlorn sobbing as the Judge deposited the bloody objects in
the water glass on his bench, plainly visible to the whole room.

"Councilor, you may call your next witness." He told the defense attorney.  

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