Castration Station
STRAIGHT, TESTICLES
A Television infomercial I'd like to see someday
The TV pans over an auditorium full of very happy women that are getting into
the display on the stage.

The spokeswoman starts and after each questions the crowd answers back soundly
with a Yes. Are you sick of the way your man is treating you? YES Is he less
than honest with you ? YES Does he forget to do what you ask without a major
problem? YES Does he neglect to do his fair share of the work around your
place ? YES Does he put himself before you sexually? YES Well if you answered
yes to even one of these questions do we ever have a quick and permanant
solution to these questions. The Castration Station will fix the problems you
are having with him. This is what comes in one convenient kit. No Assembly
required. A locking Headstock, An inflatable gag, Handcuffs and Key, A
spreader bar with attached anklecuffs, A piece of rope, An Elastator with 50
bands, 25 Rohypnol pills, Legal consent forms, and a razor sharp Ginsu knife.

How much you ask? You get all this for $99.95. Thats right only $99.95. And if
you call within 24 hours you get this shipped freight and tax free.

Lets breakdown the price after we show you how easy the Castration Station is
to use. First lets bring out on stage one lucky customer. Please welcome Deb.
(Applause) She is here tonight with her husband Dan, who is backstage. She
gave him a Rohypnol earlier to take the edge off. Deb show us how easy the
Castration Station is to get ready. Deb opens the wooden box which is about
the size of a card table and opens it up into a platform. Inside are all the
parts. She picks up the headstock and positions it at one end of the platform.
Thats all it take to get ready for her husband. Please bring him out. Out
walks Dan, nude, being led by two women, to a shower of boo's. Now watch
closely to see how easy this is. Deb takes her husband and has him kneel on
the platform, she takes him by the neck and gently pushes his head down and
into the stock. Then she closes the upper part locking him in place. Now put
on the Handcuffs. Deb picks them up and cuffs Dans hands behind his back. Now
the adjustable spreaderbar with anklecuffs. Deb puts Dans ankles in the cuffs
and loosens an eyebolt and spreads the bar apart and tightens the eyebolt.
This keeps him in an upright kneeling position. This is good time to put the
inflatable gag in his mouth. Deb puts the gag in Dans mouth and pumps it up.
Next take the rope with the slipknot and slip it over his balls. Deb does. Put
two of the bands on the rope. Deb does. Now put the end through the eyebolt on
the spreader bar. She does. Now pull it snug and tie it off. Deb does. He is
now ready to go. Easy wasn't it? The crowd goes wild. Now the fun part. Deb
picks up the Elastator and slip the four posts through one of the bands on the
rope, and open it up. She does and the band stretches out into a box. Slide
this box up over his balls about a half inch from his dick. Deb follows the
instructions. (This whole time a camera is showing closeups of the process on
large tvs on the stage.) When you're ready Deb, release the band.

The crowd chants Release the Band!

And with a big smile Deb releases the band which quickly squeezes Dans bag
down to about a dime size. (Dan starts to try to move, to no avail) The crowd
roars. Now Deb repeat the band process but put this one above the other, as
close to his penis as you can. Deb does it quickly and releases the final
band. Lets have a big hand for Deb and her Eunuch dan. Once again the crowd
gets loud. Lets leave dan alone for an hour or so, but lets bring out Laurie
and her eunuch jim for the finishing touches. Out onto the stage comes out
Laurie and two womenare pushing another Castration Station behind her. We
prepared jim a little over an hour ago so you could see the finished product.
The girls spin jim around, you can see his swollen and dark balls. Are you
ready Laurie? Laurie picks up the knife. Now Laurie take the knife and just
cut between the two bands. Laurie does, and jims sack plops off into a bag.
The crowd goes wild hooting and clapping. See how easy that was. Who wouldn't
want a Castration Station of their own. But wait, here is where we do the
math. Each Castration comes with enough bands to process 25 males. Devide that
into $99.95 and it comes out to be less than $4.00 per male or $2.00 per ball.
You can't go wrong. So call 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX and have your, his credit card
ready. and line up 24 of your friends for your very own Castration Station
Party. Now lets get back to dan. Deb are you ready to finish him up? Deb
states she is. Go for it she is told. She picks up the knife and with one
quick slice dan is a eunuch. (Editor's Note : The LAST thing I need is some
company with that real number harassing me!)  

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