text: Something has been off about Organa Mel Fy ever since you first took a whiff of her presence. Eureka, that’s it! You just have to get close enough to check and make sure.
  
  
  “Organa, I think I made a terrible mistake. Just think of all the sexy good times the three of us could have.”
  
  
  “Hmmm, maybe.” Organa’s eyes fall to your junk, judging you.
  
  
  You saunter over to Organa Mel Fy, trying your best to look charming and horny. Yeah, she wants some of that. When you get in close, you shove your hand down her robes and clutch onto her naughty bits. Son of a peasant, you were right!
  
  
  “She’s packing heat Jon,” you shout as you simultaneously twist Organa Mel Fy’s genitals and headbutt her in the temple. “I knew I smelled the unmistakable musk of virility on you when we first met.”
  
  
  Jon gawks stupidly. “You mean Organa Mel Fy is a transsexual?”
  
  
  You mercilessly curb stomp Organa Mel Fy into the forest floor, not feeling the least bit bad about it. “Nope, she’s a hermaphrodite.”
  
  
  “Oh, wow. That could have got… kinky?”
  
  
  “Not the word I would have used, but you’re probably right.”
  
  
  “You’re still kind of beating up a woman you know.”
  
  
  “Eh, it’s got a penis. I think my hero’s soul is safe.”
  
  
  “You son of a whore!” Tears pour down Organa’s cheeks. “We could have achieved great things, the three of us, united as a triumvirate of power, glory, and sexual ecstasy.”
  
  
  This is true. Do you want to give all of that up? I know it requires a new perspective on life and an open mind, but that sounds interesting if nothing else. You could shatter boundaries and usher in a new age of sexual exploration and understanding. Then again, she does want to take over the known world, so it is not like she’s a nice lady… gentleman... person. Or is (s)he just misunderstood?
  > You heroes show compassion and understanding.
  With time and love, you are convinced that Organa Mel Fy can be converted into a peaceful member of society. Perhaps she will even redeem herself and become a hero. As much as you would like to tell yourself that your actions are purely heroic, deep down you know what you really wanted. Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. After all, you are at that age of sexual hyperactivity where the only thing on your mind is sex, and sex, and sex, and sex.
  
  
  You offer Organa Mel Fy an awkward hand of love and friendship, which she accepts, not that (s)he has much of a choice at this point. You, Jon and Organa Mel Fy consummate your union in the smoldering ruins of a once proud forest and Osprey’s birdshit hut. The sensations you experience are… unique.
  
  
  The divine overseer in the eternal heavens is rather displeased with your choice. Canon dictates Organa Mel Fy is evil and deserving of a gruesome death. You cannot just spit in the face of canon and expect to come out unharmed. Consequently, the titles of knight and hero are beyond your grasp. Naturally, you turn to a life of villainy in retaliation.
  
  
   and your unholy union is on the verge of kingdom-wide conquest and savagery. The bedroom antics are as fierce and wild as ever. Organa Mel Fy didn’t lie about the sexual ecstasy. It’s amazing what a little magic can do in the bedroom. By the screams, one would swear the dead are cumming. But kingdom-wide devastation is not all sex games. Castles lay in ruin, cities burn, and famine and plague ravage the land. You personally hunted down and rape murdered every last unicorn to prevent the birth of another hero who may one day end your reign of terror. Fortunately, villains always get their comeuppance in the end.
  
  
  One day while enjoying your depravity a rouge dragon from the nearby kingdom of Irelandshire flies overhead and roasts the three of you in a blast of dragonfire. The wyrm proceeds to eat you and utilize your energy as an aphrodisiac. The dragon is celebrated as a hero and he and his mate are pronounced king and queen of the kingdom. 