text: Well last time your Mom went to the supermarket she couldn’t find the soft kind. In fact, she never can find it. It’s almost like there’s a conspiracy and the super markets hide it before she gets there. Either that or she just enjoys torturing you with toilet paper that feels more like sandpaper.
  
  But this isn’t about your paranoia, and you manage to find some toilet paper for $5, 1000 rolls of it! You buy it immediately and soon it arrives magically in front of your house. You find out why it was so cheap.
  
  It’s wet and USED…
  > You try to sell it as art
  You re-sell it as art. You list it as a great ornamental garden piece. Bio-degradable and good for the soil.
  
  Yeah, you ALMOST believe that yourself. You do get a bid from some idiot though for $350, you figure you’ve made a large profit already, so you sell.
  
  “Ha Ha! What a sucker!” you think.
  
  Well think again toilet boy, turns out it was more valuable than you thought! It was the same toilet paper used by Elvis the day he died on the toilet! The “idiot” sells it back to Graceland for millions, and spends it on cars, girls and drugs.
  
  You spend your $350 on more used toilet paper in the misguided attempt to get someone else’s famous toilet paper, but it turns out to be only Pat Boone’s and is worthless.