text: You decide to buy more useless shit. You can never have enough, you fuckin’ obsessed pack rat.
  
  Okay well some of this shit isn’t useless, and might even do you some good. Certain items catch your eye.
  
  You see a car that’s made completely out of asbestos! How cool would that be? You could drive through fire and be none the worse for wear! True you rarely go out anymore, but maybe this would be the thing that could do it!
  
  You see a bomb shelter for sale made of xentronium armor. Could be useful in these dangerous times we live in and it’ll definitely provide you more protection than the basement.
  
  There’s a small island made of Styrofoam in the middle of the ocean. It says it’s held together by hemp. While you’ve never been one for the beaches and sun, you wonder if you could rent it out some how. Maybe movie producers would pay you to use it or something.
  
  Actually perhaps something more practical might be good, there’s some toilet paper for sale. You know you always need that!
  
  Finally, you see a building for sale; it doesn’t really give a description. It just says “Generic Gray Building” It might be a good thing to invest in since you’re getting tired of hearing your Mom’s moans of ecstasy at night when she’s masturbating with her 400 horse powered vibrator. A place of your own might be in order.
  > You buy the bomb shelter! Duck and cover!
  Erm, it’s like $500,000. You can’t buy it, because you’re too damn poor. Even if you sold all your stuff you still wouldn’t have enough. Your Mom might have it, but you’d have to beg for it and your Mom’s usually not pleased with you at the best of times.
  > You beg Mom
  You beg Mom for money, but she’s in no mood to listen to you. In fact she’s pretty pissed off at you even thinking that she’d go for this idea.
  
  You REALLY want that bomb shelter though. You NEED it. You know the END is coming soon, so you decide to do something desperate.
  > You threaten your mom in exchange for money
  You grab your Limited Edition Red Ryder BB Gun and attempt to threaten mom in a less than effective manner. She doesn’t know whether to slap you or laugh at you at this point.
  
  ”Boy, I hope you’ve been doing some good drugs to excuse this behavior because I’m this close to throwing your ass out, you’re lucky I haven’t done it sooner.” She replies.
  “Mom, if you know what’s good for you, you better gimme what I want! The end is coming soon and I need that money to save us!” you say still pointing your gun at her.
  
  Your Mom is silent for a moment and then speaks.
  
  “Well since you put it that way…”
  
  Mom wasn’t in the marines to sit around and look pretty. She easily disarms you, punches you in both eyes, kicks you in the nuts three times and throws you out of the house!
  
  As you lay in the gutter pondering your poor judgment, you think “The joke’s on her, here come the bombs now!”
  
  You and 3/4ths of the Earth’s population are vaporized in a nuclear fireball death.