text: You decide to buy more useless shit. You can never have enough, you fuckin’ obsessed pack rat.
  
  Okay well some of this shit isn’t useless, and might even do you some good. Certain items catch your eye.
  
  You see a car that’s made completely out of asbestos! How cool would that be? You could drive through fire and be none the worse for wear! True you rarely go out anymore, but maybe this would be the thing that could do it!
  
  You see a bomb shelter for sale made of xentronium armor. Could be useful in these dangerous times we live in and it’ll definitely provide you more protection than the basement.
  
  There’s a small island made of Styrofoam in the middle of the ocean. It says it’s held together by hemp. While you’ve never been one for the beaches and sun, you wonder if you could rent it out some how. Maybe movie producers would pay you to use it or something.
  
  Actually perhaps something more practical might be good, there’s some toilet paper for sale. You know you always need that!
  
  Finally, you see a building for sale; it doesn’t really give a description. It just says “Generic Gray Building” It might be a good thing to invest in since you’re getting tired of hearing your Mom’s moans of ecstasy at night when she’s masturbating with her 400 horse powered vibrator. A place of your own might be in order.
  > You buy the toilet paper! It's the soft kind!
  Well last time your Mom went to the supermarket she couldn’t find the soft kind. In fact, she never can find it. It’s almost like there’s a conspiracy and the super markets hide it before she gets there. Either that or she just enjoys torturing you with toilet paper that feels more like sandpaper.
  
  But this isn’t about your paranoia, and you manage to find some toilet paper for $5, 1000 rolls of it! You buy it immediately and soon it arrives magically in front of your house. You find out why it was so cheap.
  
  It’s wet and USED…
  > You keep it, because youre cheap
  You really can’t see anyone buying your shitty toilet paper; you’re still not sure why you wanted to buy it so bad yourself. Perhaps you have toilet training issues, but this isn’t about your screwed up childhood, this is about how you wasted your money! Or have you?
  
  Upon closer inspection you realize that this is the genuine toilet paper of Elvis! You can tell by the wiping signature! You sell it back to Graceland for millions! You then proceed to buy up other famous used toilet paper and selling them, making even more millions!
  
  Finally you decide to get out of the business and retire to your bomb shelter on your very own Styrofoam island where you live comfortably for the rest of your life.
  
  And perhaps when you die, YOUR toilet paper will sell for millions.