text: You decide to buy more useless shit. You can never have enough, you fuckin’ obsessed pack rat.
  
  Okay well some of this shit isn’t useless, and might even do you some good. Certain items catch your eye.
  
  You see a car that’s made completely out of asbestos! How cool would that be? You could drive through fire and be none the worse for wear! True you rarely go out anymore, but maybe this would be the thing that could do it!
  
  You see a bomb shelter for sale made of xentronium armor. Could be useful in these dangerous times we live in and it’ll definitely provide you more protection than the basement.
  
  There’s a small island made of Styrofoam in the middle of the ocean. It says it’s held together by hemp. While you’ve never been one for the beaches and sun, you wonder if you could rent it out some how. Maybe movie producers would pay you to use it or something.
  
  Actually perhaps something more practical might be good, there’s some toilet paper for sale. You know you always need that!
  
  Finally, you see a building for sale; it doesn’t really give a description. It just says “Generic Gray Building” It might be a good thing to invest in since you’re getting tired of hearing your Mom’s moans of ecstasy at night when she’s masturbating with her 400 horse powered vibrator. A place of your own might be in order.
  > You buy the island! It's an investment!
  You decide to get the island. Its only $50! Someone attempts to buy it for $100, but you outbid them to a whopping $150. You begin to daydream about what’ll happen if you actually win the bid. You think about all the bad B-movies that take place on islands and how directors are always looking to use cheaper sets. You could rent it out for that, or possibly a cheap “island getaway” substitute for people that don’t want to spend that much on a vacation. You’ll have to check it out. It suddenly occurs to you that maybe people are already living on the island. Hey maybe the island will already have those topless island babes that you’ve seen in your “nature” magazine under your bed!
  
  You snap out of your day dream only to realize that you’ve won the bid! You clap you hands and dance around in celebration like a monkey on crack.
  
  Eventually you receive the exact location and make arrangements to go to the island. After a short trip to the ocean and a boat trip you are now on YOUR island. Time to explore!
  > You enter the jungle
  You enter the jungle. You appreciate the beauty that is the lush green jungle. This really is a nice island you think. However the cannibals on the island think it’s pretty nice too. In fact you made it even nicer for them; nothing tastes better to them than virgin flesh…
  
  They hunt you, trap you, kill you and eat you.
  (Not necessarily in that order!)
  
  They end up selling your skull on Ebay for $500, which they use to build a new menstrual hut.