text: Jesus fucking Christ, if you’re not even going to try to improve your position then what’s the goddamn point? Don’t you have even the slightest incentive to improve your miserable existence?
  > You alright, alright, get off your ass already!
  After years of watching anime and being dangerously close to either becoming a pedophile or a furry, (Or possibly a furry pedophile) you finally make a worthwhile decision. You grab your new anime DVDs and break them all! You then grab all your old ones and break them too!
  
  Manga books all fucking burned! Comics too! Video games with anime graphics destroyed! You even break your computer just so you can’t be tempted by the internet! You’ve just destroyed your “social life” by doing that, but it’s worth it!
  
  NO MORE FUCKING ANIME!
  
  Holy shit you feel free! Seriously this is the first day of your new life and you’ve just made a break through here.
  
  But don’t get too puffed up there fatty. The fact still remains that you’re a basement dwelling loser. You’re also going to experience withdrawals and the temptation to go back to anime will be there.
  
  Best thing you can do right now is confine yourself to the house for awhile. Now…I know that might seem odd given that you practically stay inside for days on end anyway, but your trips to the comic shops might provide too much temptation.
  
  And so begins the long road to recovery…
  
  Days pass into weeks and you got the jitters like a fucking crackhead. You spend a lot of time pacing and staring at the walls in your room. You try to find ways to keep yourself occupied.
  
  You try to watch TV, but you have to struggle to not click on the Cartoon Network. Eventually you beg your mom to put a block on it. She’s willing to help you out in the hopes that you might actually move out of her house one day.
  
  Reading books doesn’t seem to help either. Your attention span has practically been destroyed from “blipvert” anime action. You even can’t concentrate on the shortest story, let alone a novel.
  
  You feel like you’re going mad.
  > You stay in the house
  Just then the phone rings and you answer it in frustration of needing SOMETHING else to do!
  
  “Hello?”
  “Hello? Brian? Is that you?”
  “Yeah? Who is this?”
  “It’s your cousin Patricia silly! Is your Mom there?”
  “No, she’s at work. What did you need her for?”
  “Well I remember that she was good at math and I’ve been having problems with my trig class. She said I could come by and she’d help me.”
  
  You vaguely remember your cousin Patricia from one of your family gatherings from years ago. She was younger then, but about the only one not immediately repulsed by your incessant talk of Pokemon and YuGiOh (That was before you had moved on to the “harder” stuff.)
  
  You probably don’t have much in common, but at this point you almost want to talk to ANYONE to keep your mind off things.
  
  “Hey just come on over, she’ll be home soon.”
  “You sure it’s okay? I mean I don’t want to bother you and all.”
  “It’s no problem at all! Just come over!”
  “Okay, then see you later I guess.”
  
  Patricia hangs up and you continue to fight your anime withdrawals.
  
  Eventually Patricia shows up on your front door.
  
  Patricia is wearing the traditional Catholic school girl outfit. She’s slender and her breasts aren’t large, but firm looking. Her face almost looks like a doll’s. She’s even looking at you with innocent WIDE eyes. She can’t be any older than 15.
  
  You fucking degenerate, you aren’t supposed to be looking at your underage cousin that way. It’s a good thing you’re fat; otherwise your two inch boner might be showing. Still, at least this proves that real HUMAN women can turn you on, even if they are fitting your previous jack off material.
  
  “Wow.” Is all you can sputter.
  “Hey Brian. Long time no see. So how’s it been?” Patricia asks as she walks past you. You can’t help but stare at her ass before she turns around and sits down on the couch with her books.”
  
  This is probably the closest you’ve been to a real girl that’s talked to you in…well ever actually.
  
  NOW STOP RIGHT THERE FAT ASS!
  
  I KNOW what you’re fucking thinking! You’re thinking that you got this raging hard on, and it would be a shame to waste it with a young piece of jailbait ass sitting in front of you.
  
  Well just put THAT shit out of your mind RIGHT fucking now!
  
  Disregarding any of the incest taboos she’s also underage, and you can’t do that shit.
  
  Even in the very unlikely event that she’d let your Jabba the Hut ass lay on top of her willingly, you still can’t do that shit.
  
  The best you can do is excuse yourself and jack off in the basement. And that still makes you a perv, but at least you aren’t doing anything illegal.
  
  Now then, is that what you’re going to do? Or can you actually talk with the girl and not try to hump her like a dog in heat?
  > You too much over stimulation! Gotta get outta here!
  Ah well, I suppose it WAS too much stimulation for you.
  
  “Uh…excuse me Patricia I have stuff to do in the basement, you just wait up here.”
  “Oh, alright then.”
  
  You immediately run down into your basement and can’t take your pants off quick enough to jack off to her image.
  
  The first few times you just think of the traditional missionary position and blow job images. Then you move on to fucking her in the ass. Eventually you return to your “Anime roots” and start imagining yourself growing tentacles and simultaneously fucking her in all three holes and filling them with cum and then shitting on her face through your mouth.
  
  I suppose this sick scenario would be inventive, if you hadn’t stolen it from those Wacky Japanese.
  
  Anyway by the time your mom has come home, helped Patricia, talked with her, sent her home and then went to bed herself, you’ve jacked off at least into the double digits. It’s actually amazing that you didn’t give your fat ass a heart attack.
  
  You are incredibly tired though and you fall asleep in your incredibly sticky bed.
  
  The next day, you still have images of your cousin running through your mind. This probably wouldn’t be anymore than a lingering sick fantasy, but the problem is that your cousin is coming over again. Apparently she needs more help from your Mom.
  
  She comes over and your urges are stronger than ever. You barely manage to make it to the basement that time.
  
  She comes over a third time and is starting to notice your increasingly odd behavior, but by then it’s too late for her. You can contain your unnatural lust any longer.
  
  When she’s sitting on the couch waiting for your mom with her books you don’t bother going into the basement this time.
  
  “So uh…don’t you have something to do in the basement?”
  “Nah, I’d rather just sit and look…I mean talk to you…”
  “Okaaaaaaay…hey look maybe I’ll just come back later…”
  “No wait! I want you to stay and we can play!”
  “Eeeek! What’re you doing?!”
  
  At this point you lunge at your cousin and nearly crush the poor girl with your weight. You begin gyrating against her and trying to pull your pants down while lifting her skirt up.
  
  “Mmmm yeah…you smell good…so fresh and innocent…I just wish you were twelve.”
  “NO! Get off me you fucking fat ass pedo!” she screams and manages to smash your head in with a nearby lamp, before sliding from underneath you and screaming rape in the streets.
  
  You’d probably go to jail and get ass raped multiple times for this, but the lamp to the head put you in a coma. Your mom is content on just taking you off of life support and letting you die, but the state insists that you must pay for your crimes and therefore must be kept alive until you come out of the coma where upon you can stand trial.
  
  The joke’s on them though, you remain a vegetable!