“I don’t think so Jack. I’ve never trusted you and I’m not about to start now. You can shove your invention up your ass and give yourself an enema with it, because I ain’t drinking the shit.”
“Always with the colorful and inventive vocabulary Wolf. (Sigh) Very well, it’s your funeral. You’ll see.” Jack says and walks away.

When you enter the arena area, it’s just a big empty white room with another door on the other side of it. High above you can see Henry on an upper floor with a clipboard behind some glass. He waves to you and speaks into a microphone.

“Okay Wolf, we’re going to start off slow, this subject hasn’t been injected with as much of the formula so I’m guessing you shouldn’t have any problems with him. Try not to kill him though, since we DO want some of them to survive!”
“No killing eh? Well I suppose there’s a first time for everything, alright Henry send in the victim.”

No sooner has the human entered the room, and you’ve already run up and drop kicked him in the face! You don’t allow him to get back up, and end up breaking one of his legs by totally destroying his knee. He’s in extreme pain and expresses it vocally.

“Damn Wolf! What the hell!?” Henry shouts.
“Hey you said not to kill him, you didn’t say anything about not breaking bones.”
“Alright, drag him out, and bring in the next one.”

This goes on for the next five fights. The subjects are getting tougher, but so far you haven’t had too many problems. You’ve notice a severe change in the subjects though, mainly being bigger and more vicious, they’re starting to not even resemble humans anymore, and in fact they resemble “Mr. Hyde” but even more out of control. You look up where Henry is located and you notice he seems to be laughing and joking with Jack. He addresses you again.

“How are you doing Wolf?”
“I’m a little tired, but I’m okay.”
“Okay Wolf, you’ve been doing well against one opponent, let’s see how you do against three.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be testing their fighting skills not mine.”
“Well you’re kicking their asses, so I need to see them at least on equal footing.”
“Who are they supposed to be fighting? If they’re fighting other humans then you’ve succeeded, there’s no way a normal human can beat those steroid freaks I’ve been fighting. I don’t even think most of the alien races, humans have come in contact with could stand up to them. I’d say your formula is a success.”
“Wolf, I’m the scientist here, just a few more tests.”
“Fuck that, I’m done. I’m going home and getting some sleep, I’ll be taking my money now.”

When you try to go out the way you came in, a solid metal door slides from a hidden panel to block your way.

“Don’t think so Wolf, we’re done when I SAY we are!” Henry then begins to laugh maniacally and when a Mad Scientist does that, well it’s never good. And it’s really not looking good when three lumbering hulks come through the opposite door all intent on doing you massive harm.
> You attempt to scale the wall
Your plan is to climb to Henry, break the glass and beat the fuck out of him. The walls are smooth, but your claws and climbing skills can certainly overcome them, they can’t overcome the three butcher shops on legs though.

As you attempt to climb, one of the subjects jumps up to grab your leg and slams you back down to the floor hard. The others then kick you about the head and frog stomp you in general. The last thing you see is a big black boot coming at your face, followed by Henry’s laughter.


Well despite your distrust of Jack, Henry’s always been alright and you could use the easy money. If it doesn’t sound like a good deal to you, you can always decline. You sit down with them both, keeping a constant eye on Jack, well his clothing anyway.

“Hey Wolf, glad to see you, it’s been awhile. I remember when we used to tear up places like this back in the day.” Henry says.
“Yeah, the good old days.” You say agreeing.
“When we were young and a lot more active.”
“Speak for yourself Henry.” You stand up and start punching and kicking. “I’m still active and I’m only as old as I feel which isn’t old at all! I can still… OW!” you get a slight sprain in your back when attempting to demonstrate your “youthful” combat abilities.
“No, Wolf you’re not old at all.” Jack snickers.
“Shut the fuck up Jack, I just haven’t been in a proper fight in awhile, I’m a little out of practice. Say, how about I practice on YOU?”
“Uh, okay calm down Wolf! Jack! We’re not here to antagonize anyone!”
“You’re right so let’s get all this catch up shit out of the way. Wolf, we got an experiment for you that should be right up your alley. It involves you testing those skills you claim you still have.”
“Oh yeah? What kind of experiment is this?”

Henry interjects before Jack can continue.

“Well the government hired us to develop something that increased combat ability. We’ve been testing it on humans and the results have been good so far, however we want to see how good it is, so we wanted to test them against non-human opponents, you came to mind since well you ARE the Alpha Wolf and despite your age, you are probably the best the Werewolf race has to offer as far as combat skills. I figure you’re still worth 10 of the cubs nowadays. Plus I know you like to kick ass and get paid for doing it. You know how the government likes to throw money around when it comes to new weapons, so I figure we can spare five thousand for your help.”
> You decline
Maybe it’s your sixth sense or mistrust in general, but you don’t really like the sound of this. Henry might be an alright guy, but you really don’t trust Jack and you’ve had problems with Mad Scientists before. Maybe if you were younger you’d take the risk, but you’re a lot wiser now and you’re not about to set yourself up into going into a bad situation that you might not be able to get out of. You’re not scared, you’re just not stupid. You decide to decline and make up an excuse.

“Well it does sound like fun, but unfortunately I’ve got a job from Erik recently that I need to see about tomorrow, so I’ll have to decline.”

Henry looks very surprised at your answer; it was almost as if he thought you’d immediately take his offer. He attempts to convince you further, but you continue to decline which makes his voice and inflections sound more desperate with a hint of anger in them.

“We were fucking friends Wolf! You’re going to leave me hanging like this?! Fucking ingrate! After all the fights I helped you in too!”
”Henry, you better just fucking mind your tone. And half those fights I distinctly remember you starting and ME having to finish them!”
“Why you fucking…” Henry stands up, which you do too daring him to do something, but naturally he realizes he isn’t in “Hyde” form, so he backs down. Jack eventually speaks up.
“Come on Henry let’s go, we can get someone else.”

Jack hands Henry his coat who’s still giving you the hard stare. Just before they leave Henry has to get another word in.

“Fucking yellow dog! You oughta be put out of your misery! The Wolf I knew would’ve jumped at this chance, I don’t know what happened, but you ain’t him! Fucking mongrel!”
“Alright Henry shut the fuck up, before he kicks your ass EEEK!”

Jack gets out of the way when he sees you charge at Henry, he doesn’t stand a chance in his human form and you beat the hell of him.

As he lies on the ground bleeding and pondering his poor choice of words, you relay a question to him.

“Is that more like the Wolf who you USED to know? And Jack get your invisible ass outta here, before I tear you a new one too! I’m not falling for whatever fucked up scheme you had planned for me!”

Jack quickly drags Henry out as quickly as possible, while you go back to drinking.

After drinking your drink, you head back home and decide to call Erik up tomorrow who’ll hopefully be less annoying and actually have a job for you. Turns out he does and you end up having to show up at a comic convention as a special guest. It’s not exactly exciting for you, but then at least you don’t have to get your head bashed in to get paid.

“Oooo! Ooo! Mr. Wolf! In Lycanthrope Terror #6, were you supposed to be immune to the silver dagger because you had sex with the witch who granted you extra powers in the beginning, or was it because you had been sent directly from Hell and thus had demon blood in your veins giving you extra powers? Because their problems with both of those things, because if…”

The nerdy human goes on for another 10 minutes pointing out plot holes when in actuality there isn’t one, since the fucking dagger wasn’t silver at all it was just really shiny steel, and if he’d paid as much attention to movie then he did his own whiney voice he’d know that.

Come to think of it, maybe getting your head bashed in might be preferable.


Fuck it, you don’t feel like putting up with Erik’s whining. You’ll talk to him later when you’re in the mood. You hang up and decide to engage in one of your favorite past time ever since you became part of “society”. Drink. You head down to the bar in town.

When you enter you see it nearly empty. Usually there’s someone here that you don’t like which gives you an excuse to get into a fight. You sit down and order a Scotch. The bartender tends to let you just drink and cleans up the mess you make afterwards, but today turns out a little differently.

“Hey Wolf, some people have been wanting to see you.” The bartender says nervously.
“Oh? Do these people have a name?” you ask downing your drink.
“Well they’re in the bar right now actually, I think they’re old acquaintances of yours.”

You scan the bar, which doesn’t take long considering its almost empty. And you’ll be damned you see not one, but THREE people from the old days; you’re surprised you didn’t notice them before.

At a nearby table you see Dr. Henry Jekyll and Dr. Jack Griffin. Jack normally would be difficult to see in this dark lighting at the best of times, since he’s invisible, but he’s perfectly noticeable enough when he wears clothing. They see you and wave you to come over.

At a table in the far corner you see Dr. Alphonse Moreau. He looks like a wreck. He’s obviously been chain smoking cigarettes and drinking a lot since he got here. He sees you and desperately signals you over like he needs your help severely.

While you’re not surprised to see all these humans still alive (Mad scientists ALWAYS figure out how to extend their life spans past the normal human limit) you’re just surprised that they all want to see you and it makes you suspicious. You’ve always been mistrustful of Mad Scientist types ever since your run in with Dr. Victor Frankenstein.

You turn to the bartender for more information.

“What the hell, is there a Mad Scientist convention in town or some shit? Why are they all here and why do they want me?”
“I dunno Wolf. I think its just coincidence. Henry and Jack say they got some sort of experiment going on and want your help on it. They know you’ve been needing some money lately and they’re willing to pay you for your time. I think Henry wants to play catch up with you as well.”
“Hmm, speaking of catch, there probably is one. So why’s Moreau here? Same thing?”
“He wouldn’t elaborate too much. He says he REALLY needs help with something, and it’s not an experiment. He says he gave up trying to play God. I dunno what’s wrong though you’ll have to ask him yourself. He just said, he’s willing to do anything for you if you help him.

Well this venture to the bar seems to have become potentially lucrative; the problem is you have to deal with a bunch of humans with God complexes. (You doubt what the bartender told you about Moreau, his type never gets out of the game completely) You decide to throw caution to the wind and take one of their jobs; you feel you’ll be up to the challenge. After all its common knowledge of what you did to Victor when he tried to take advantage of you once.

All it comes down to is who you want to deal with.
> You go sit with Moreau
You and Moreau have never had any dealings with each other before, so you’re kind of curious to as why he wanted to see you. You approach Moreau and he’s tripping over himself to thank you for seeing him. You’re a little suspicious of this treatment, especially since you’ve never been welcomed by anyone before.

“Wolf, its Wolf right? Or do you prefer Mr. Wolf?”
“Wolf is fine…will you tell me why the hell you want to see me so badly for? We’ve never had anything to do with each other before.”
“Yes. Quite correct. My Vision didn’t lead me to interact socially that much. Maybe I shouldn’t have concentrated so much on my Vision though. Maybe I should’ve been more flexible. If I had, I might not have the problems I have now.”
“Okay, so will you quit with the fucking mystery already and tell me what’s going on?”
“As you know I transformed my island into a utopia where no being harms another.”
“Pfft, some Utopia. I call it fucking with nature.”
“And you know what? I agree with you. At one time, I would’ve dismissed you as a vicious animal that only pleased his primal instincts.”
“You say it as if it’s a bad thing.” You utter.
“I once thought so…but now I’m starting to see reality for the first time. My Utopia wasn’t followed by the world…it was hated. It was despised. Most are jealous of what I’ve done and want to destroy it.”
“Duh, that’s humanity for you. So are you getting to the point anytime soon?”
“My Utopia is about to be destroyed, but NOT directly. No human nation wants to look like the bad guys so you know what they’ve done instead? They’re letting Martians do it for them!”
“What? Martians aren’t even allowed on this planet after all the unsuccessful attacks they’ve attempted on it.” You exclaim.
“See that’s just it. In exchange of a new Martian-Earthling Peace accord they’re letting the Martians put a colony here provided they don’t kill any humans. The Martians agreed and MY Island was scheduled for designation for the colony! If we stay they’ll be allowed to kill everyone since nobody on there is human except me.”
“Well that certainly does suck, but why not just move?”
“WHAT!? That’s our home! Would YOU move from your own home?”
“Eh…I suppose I can see your point. So what am I supposed to do though?”

Moreau takes another drink and looks at you with dead seriousness.

“I need you to get them all to FIGHT! I need you to get them all in touch with their animal instincts again! I know you’re more than just a werewolf. You’re the self-proclaimed Alpha. I need that viciousness, I need that aggressiveness, I need it ingrained into my people. I can’t do it. I’m not qualified, and I’d only make things worse. I can pay you all the money you want; our economy has always been good. If you like you could even live on the island and spend your remaining years there with nothing to worry about. You could mate with whoever you wanted, we could import whatever meat you wanted, or if you preferred…we could even make special arrangements just for you, to hunt living creatures. Anything…just please help us.”

This is pretty heavy shit. Moreau must be very desperate to come begging to a practical stranger. There’s no way he’s lying about this, you have heard some stuff lately about Martian-Human relations, though you don’t really pay attention to the news a lot. You can’t say Moreau’s offer isn’t appealing on some level, but as much of a badass you are, you’re not in your prime anymore. Taking on a shit load of Martians and training a bunch of genetic freaks of nature could be just a little out of your scope.
> You take the job; you always wondered what Martian meat tasted like
“Aw hell, if the past is any indication Martians ain’t shit. I don’t have anything better to do. Let’s get going.” You remark.

You and Moreau leave the next day to his island by private plane. When you arrive you can see why the place is considered a paradise, its basically untamed wilderness with some agricultural improvements and basic structures to house the citizens.

Speaking of citizens, you see them in person. They’re a motley looking bunch. You see boar boys, goat girls, manatee men, and wombat women and those are some of the regular ones. Some look like they’ve been mixed with several species of animals, so you can’t even be sure what the hell they are.

Moreau’s citizens are equally interested in you.

“Are you another citizen?” one of them asks as they all attempt to crowd you.
“What? Hell no! I’m a fucking werewolf! Not a freak of nature!” you snarl, not wanting them to touch you. Moreau take the opportunity to make sure you don’t kill anyone.
“This is Wolf. He’s different than you…in several ways. But he’s here to help us with our current problem, just like our aquatic friend who volunteered to help a few days ago.”

You stop Moreau.

“Aquatic friend? You got someone else to help you?” you ask.
“Well yes, I wasn’t sure if you’d help, so I tried to get others as well. You and he were the only takers it seems though. I’m pretty sure you and he are familiar with each other. I can’t pronounce his real name, but he goes by Gil.”

“Gil?! You got GIL?! He was almost as reclusive as you! How’d you get him to help?”
“I don’t know. It was really just a gamble. I made the same deal, but I had little hope of him accepting it since he’s not exactly fond of land dwellers. He accepted though since he’s tired of having humans intrude on his home every five minute. He already has a place set aside for himself on the island. I just hope the island is still ours after all this.”
“Where is he?”
“He keeps to himself in a nearby swamp. He likes his privacy and I respect it. You and he can talk later. I’d like you to get to the training. The Martians will be coming soon, I’m predicting in a matter of days.”
“DAYS!? You didn’t say that before! How am I supposed to train these freaks in days?”
“Please Wolf you must try! Gil tried and didn’t get very far; he may have even given up. I was hoping you might have more luck since you’re a bit closer to my citizens.”
“I’m nothing like your citizens…but I’ll see what I can do.”
> You start training the citizens
If Gil’s already given up, you see little point in involving him. He’s never liked land dwellers anyway. You call everyone to the center of the town.

“Alright I got a lot to teach you and there isn’t much time. As you all know the Martians are coming here and they won’t be interested in peace and love. They’ll be taking bets on who can blast more freaks.” You say frankly.
“That’s pretty judgmental of you. How do you know that they won’t accept us and live in peace with us?” one of the freaks asks.
“Because that’s not the Martian way! In fact it’s not ANYONE’S way! Not anyone sane anyway! The only reason why you freaks are all love and peace and shit, is because Moreau played God with your genetics and socially engineered you all to be pussies. It’s not right! But despite my disgust for your way of life, I’m here to get you back in touch with your animalistic sides. Now it’s my idea that you could evacuate the town and your other small settlements, take to the jungles, and wage a guerilla war on the Martians. A lot of you are designed for it already. The Martians are poor tacticians and weak immune systems, so the jungle diseases could have…”

And you realize you’re not convincing them.
> You keep trying
“Look I understand some of you freaks never had that predator instinct, but just because you’ve got herbivore blood doesn’t mean you can’t fight. Those antlers and horns are just for show, they’re for defense! And even if you’re a total sissy, you could at least act as scouts and shit. When the Martians approach you can neigh, whinny, baa, or uh…quack your heads off to warn the rest of us that will fight!”

They still don’t look convinced, now they’re starting to just leave. You begin to get angry.

“Damn it, don’t you freaks want to live? They’re going to kill all of you stupid bastards when they get here! Grow a fuckin’ pair and stand up for your freak existence!

“Stop calling us freaks, we are not animals!” one shouts.
“Oh ho! Struck a nerve did I? Look at you fuckin’ freaks! You’re a goddamn embarrassment to mother nature! You know what I’ll be glad when the Martians waste your sorry asses. You don’t deserve to live.”
“Fuck you! You’re no different than us you fucking hypocrite!”
“The hell I ain’t! I am a creature of nature! My mother was a werewolf and my father was a werewolf, and guess what? THEIR parents were werewolves! You know who your parents were? The DNA of some dead animals and some stupid humans that Moreau captured! Then you disgustingly mate with each other and create more freaks. Bunch of fucking mongrels!”

The crowd is beginning to get angry with you now. Good. Your plan is working.

“I can see that you’re all pissed off. You probably want to kick my ass; well that’s a bad idea, because I’m the only one who can properly train you in the short period of time, now save that anger for the Martians…”

Suddenly someone throws a rock at your head, causing you to fall. Before you can get up, you feel a strong kick to the face (Literally a mule kick) this is then followed up by the entire town attacking you. You kill quite a few, but they’re very intent on killing you, and eventually they rip you apart and even devour parts of you to make sure you won’t be regenerating back from the dead. Some of the older freaks kill Dr. Moreau as they remember the cruelty he inflicted in the past.

Their new found animal side is short lived since when the Martians arrive, they bombard the island with death beams killing most of the inhabitants before invading. The Martians then easily mop up the few survivors.


If Gil’s already given up, you see little point in involving him. He’s never liked land dwellers anyway. You call everyone to the center of the town.

“Alright I got a lot to teach you and there isn’t much time. As you all know the Martians are coming here and they won’t be interested in peace and love. They’ll be taking bets on who can blast more freaks.” You say frankly.
“That’s pretty judgmental of you. How do you know that they won’t accept us and live in peace with us?” one of the freaks asks.
“Because that’s not the Martian way! In fact it’s not ANYONE’S way! Not anyone sane anyway! The only reason why you freaks are all love and peace and shit, is because Moreau played God with your genetics and socially engineered you all to be pussies. It’s not right! But despite my disgust for your way of life, I’m here to get you back in touch with your animalistic sides. Now it’s my idea that you could evacuate the town and your other small settlements, take to the jungles, and wage a guerilla war on the Martians. A lot of you are designed for it already. The Martians are poor tacticians and weak immune systems, so the jungle diseases could have…”

And you realize you’re not convincing them.
> You give up and try something else
You shake your head and go back to Moreau’s house. Moreau is fiddling with some large old looking radio that contains a small black and white screen in it.

“This is not going to work.” You tell him.
“You’re giving up already?!”
“Well I don’t know what to do, maybe if I had more time I could do something, but shit Moreau, you bred all the damn fight out of them.”

Just then a voice comes on the radio and an image appears on the screen, it looks like some deepsea diver…oh geez it’s Ro-Man. The bureaucratic joke of the galaxy. Its fitting that he should be working for a bunch of idiotic Martians.

“Dr. Moreau, the Martian colonist will be here soon! I hope you have made your evacuations of your island, or we shall WIPE you from it!” Ro-man says mechanically.
“Ro-Man, please can’t we talk about this? I mean we’re peaceful, we won’t cause you any trouble!” Moreau says into his microphone.
“No! My orders are clear! We will WIPE you from the island!”

You snatch the mic from Moreau and address Ro-Man.

“Hey Ro-Man, you must be really scraping the bottom of the barrel if you’re working for Martians now. What happened, all the other aliens realize what a fucking joke you are?”
“What!? Wolf?! What’re you doing there? We’re about to WIPE the island clean of all Earthlings and that includes you if you insist on staying there!” Ro-Man retorts.
“I know Martians were stupid, but fuck, didn’t they realize what a goddamn joke you were when YOU attempted to take over the Earth?”
“Shut up Wolf! Hey isn’t that island full of a bunch of pacifists? What’s a self-proclaimed badass Alpha Wolf doing there? You turn pussy too or are YOU scraping the bottom of the barrel by working for them?”
“Fuck off Ro-Man! I got an idea, how about we settle this hand to hand combat? If I win you all go home, and if you win…well you won’t win, because you’re fucking moron.”
“I don’t think so; we’re intent on colonizing this island in accordance with the new Earth-Mars cooperation treaty. Your pitiful attempts to stall for time are useless.”
“Who says I’m stalling for time? I’m just saying I could kick your ass! You think I give a shit about this island? I’m just here to see if I got one more fight left in me, I was hoping for more of a challenge, but you’ll have to do. Of course if you’re too scared…”
”Aaargh! Alright! I’ll play your little game you mangy Earth mammal! We’ll do battle when we arrive and I’ll take great pleasure in crushing your skull!”

Ro-man breaks communication, and Moreau is more than a little disturbed by your recent conversation.

“Wolf! You promised to help us! I knew you were a lot of things, but I thought you at least weren’t a liar!”
“Calm the hell down Moreau! Despite what Ro-Man thinks, I have bough you guys some time. While me and Ro-Man are bashing each others heads in, the Martians will be gathered around watching and probably taking bets. Besides unsuccessful invasions and fucking human women, there’s nothing they like better than watching a fight.”
“Okay, but what good does that do us? I mean even if you win, the Martians will still kill all of us.”
“Ah that’s where you and the hippy freak coalition come in. I know you guys are fond of your drugs here, so when the Martians are watching I want you guys to act like hosts and serve drinks laced with LSD or whatever hallucinogenics you keep stashed here. By the time I finish kicking Ro-Man’s ass, the Martians will be tripping so hard you can make quick work of them.”
“That’s not a bad plan, but I think we’ll dispense with killing them as you’re suggesting. We can just destroy their weapons.”
“(Sigh) Alright suit yourselves. But unarmed Martians are still hostile, even if they aren’t typically threatening.”
“If I can make my citizens civilized, I can do the same with Martians, now let’s get prepared. What do I serve them to drink though? Its not like we have whatever it is Martians like to drink here.”
“Sure you do. You’ve got water. Mars isn’t known for having a lot of it, so they can’t get enough of the stuff. Its one of the reasons why they wanted Earth so damn bad.”

A few days pass and Moreau prepares his citizens for the plan, while they build some risers and bleachers for the fight, meanwhile you get in some last minute training. Ro-Man might be an idiot, but you’ve got a pretty good idea that he’s very strong, you’ll have to be on the top of your game.

You watch the skies and finally the Martians arrive. They land and all come pouring out of their saucers firing their lasers in the air, and yelling about how they’re going to see a good fight. Ro-Man appears and looks as goofy as he always has. A large crowd gathers and soon it’s just you and Ro-Man in the center.

“This is going to be your biggest mistake since your infamous Plan 9 invasion attempt.” You tell Ro-Man.
> You fight aggressively
You didn’t come here to do the job half assed, so you’re going to give it your all. The only real advantage Ro-Man has is his strength, other than that you’re a better fighter in every way. You start off with a foot smash to his shin, then following it up with a claw to the crotch. Ro-Man attempts to grab you, but you roll out of the way.

You run around behind him and strike a vicious blow to his kidneys (Or at least where you think they’re located, he isn’t human after all) he swings his big gorilla like arms and back hands you in the face, knocking you a couple of feet to the ground. The Martians are cheering loudly at this point. You see Moreau’s freaks serving the drinks in the stands. You have to at least keep this up until the drugs kick in, and even then you’re not sure what will happen. For all you know it won’t even effect the Martians.

You dodge another clumsy attack by Ro-Man and bite the fuck out of his leg ripping a good chunk off. Ugh! It tastes terrible! You’ll taste that for days assuming you live through this, which Ro-Man is attempting to make sure doesn’t happen, as he finally gets a good grip on you. He grabs you from the back and places you in a crushing bear hug. You can’t get free, the thing you can do is either use the back of your head and smash his face with it in a reverse head butt, or stretch your neck a bit and attempt to bite one of his massive arms.
> You reverse head butt
On most opponents this would’ve worked, unfortunately you seem to have forgotten that Ro-Man’s head is a fucking deep sea diver’s helmet! When you hear that “KLANG!” all you do is successfully knock yourself out. Ro-Man finishes you off, by breaking your back and keeping his promise of crushing your skull with his foot.


You didn’t come here to do the job half assed, so you’re going to give it your all. The only real advantage Ro-Man has is his strength, other than that you’re a better fighter in every way. You start off with a foot smash to his shin, then following it up with a claw to the crotch. Ro-Man attempts to grab you, but you roll out of the way.

You run around behind him and strike a vicious blow to his kidneys (Or at least where you think they’re located, he isn’t human after all) he swings his big gorilla like arms and back hands you in the face, knocking you a couple of feet to the ground. The Martians are cheering loudly at this point. You see Moreau’s freaks serving the drinks in the stands. You have to at least keep this up until the drugs kick in, and even then you’re not sure what will happen. For all you know it won’t even effect the Martians.

You dodge another clumsy attack by Ro-Man and bite the fuck out of his leg ripping a good chunk off. Ugh! It tastes terrible! You’ll taste that for days assuming you live through this, which Ro-Man is attempting to make sure doesn’t happen, as he finally gets a good grip on you. He grabs you from the back and places you in a crushing bear hug. You can’t get free, the thing you can do is either use the back of your head and smash his face with it in a reverse head butt, or stretch your neck a bit and attempt to bite one of his massive arms.
> You bite his arm
It’s going to taste like shit, but you bite down on Ro-Man’s arm ripping another chunk out of him, he drops you instantly and begins to feel the effects of his wounds as he bleeds severely from his arm and leg.

And it looks like the drugs are taking effect too; you take a quick look in the stands and see them behaving strangely. A lot of them are giggling to themselves and hugging each other; some are just walking around in circles, and others are staring into the distance, pontificating about how they can hear the colors and taste sound. Fortunately none of them seem to have gotten more violent. Moreau’s freaks take their weapons away from them.

Meanwhile Ro-Man is attempting to escape back to one of the saucers, limping and leaving a blood trail behind him. You attempt to finish him off, and tackle him to the ground, but he manages to bash you in the face a few times and gets you off of him. While you’re trying to recover, he escapes in the saucer.

Oh well, it’s another loss for him and another win for you. That’s the important thing.

Moreau approaches you while you brush yourself off.

“You did it Wolf! You saved the island and with a minimum of violence!” he says.
“Unfortunately. Well at least I got to kick someone’s ass, even if it was Ro-Man.”
“So do you want to stay on this island as part of our agreement? Remember I said we’ll make special arrangements for you.”

You look at Moreau’s freaks again who are now also tripping on drugs along with the Martians. The freaks and the Martians look like they’ve gotten very close to each other too. It looks like an orgy is about the break out.

“Uh no! Living with your freaks would be bad enough, but adding Martians makes it even less attractive. I’ll be taking my reward in cash and leaving NOW!”

Moreau shrugs his shoulders, goes back to his office and returns with a briefcase of money, which should be enough to support you for a long time. He flies you back to your home, where you head back to your run down cabin in the woods.

It may not be paradise, but it’s yours and you don’t have to put up with hippy peace freaks or idiotic drug addled Martians.


You shake your head and go back to Moreau’s house. Moreau is fiddling with some large old looking radio that contains a small black and white screen in it.

“This is not going to work.” You tell him.
“You’re giving up already?!”
“Well I don’t know what to do, maybe if I had more time I could do something, but shit Moreau, you bred all the damn fight out of them.”

Just then a voice comes on the radio and an image appears on the screen, it looks like some deepsea diver…oh geez it’s Ro-Man. The bureaucratic joke of the galaxy. Its fitting that he should be working for a bunch of idiotic Martians.

“Dr. Moreau, the Martian colonist will be here soon! I hope you have made your evacuations of your island, or we shall WIPE you from it!” Ro-man says mechanically.
“Ro-Man, please can’t we talk about this? I mean we’re peaceful, we won’t cause you any trouble!” Moreau says into his microphone.
“No! My orders are clear! We will WIPE you from the island!”

You snatch the mic from Moreau and address Ro-Man.

“Hey Ro-Man, you must be really scraping the bottom of the barrel if you’re working for Martians now. What happened, all the other aliens realize what a fucking joke you are?”
“What!? Wolf?! What’re you doing there? We’re about to WIPE the island clean of all Earthlings and that includes you if you insist on staying there!” Ro-Man retorts.
“I know Martians were stupid, but fuck, didn’t they realize what a goddamn joke you were when YOU attempted to take over the Earth?”
“Shut up Wolf! Hey isn’t that island full of a bunch of pacifists? What’s a self-proclaimed badass Alpha Wolf doing there? You turn pussy too or are YOU scraping the bottom of the barrel by working for them?”
“Fuck off Ro-Man! I got an idea, how about we settle this hand to hand combat? If I win you all go home, and if you win…well you won’t win, because you’re fucking moron.”
“I don’t think so; we’re intent on colonizing this island in accordance with the new Earth-Mars cooperation treaty. Your pitiful attempts to stall for time are useless.”
“Who says I’m stalling for time? I’m just saying I could kick your ass! You think I give a shit about this island? I’m just here to see if I got one more fight left in me, I was hoping for more of a challenge, but you’ll have to do. Of course if you’re too scared…”
”Aaargh! Alright! I’ll play your little game you mangy Earth mammal! We’ll do battle when we arrive and I’ll take great pleasure in crushing your skull!”

Ro-man breaks communication, and Moreau is more than a little disturbed by your recent conversation.

“Wolf! You promised to help us! I knew you were a lot of things, but I thought you at least weren’t a liar!”
“Calm the hell down Moreau! Despite what Ro-Man thinks, I have bough you guys some time. While me and Ro-Man are bashing each others heads in, the Martians will be gathered around watching and probably taking bets. Besides unsuccessful invasions and fucking human women, there’s nothing they like better than watching a fight.”
“Okay, but what good does that do us? I mean even if you win, the Martians will still kill all of us.”
“Ah that’s where you and the hippy freak coalition come in. I know you guys are fond of your drugs here, so when the Martians are watching I want you guys to act like hosts and serve drinks laced with LSD or whatever hallucinogenics you keep stashed here. By the time I finish kicking Ro-Man’s ass, the Martians will be tripping so hard you can make quick work of them.”
“That’s not a bad plan, but I think we’ll dispense with killing them as you’re suggesting. We can just destroy their weapons.”
“(Sigh) Alright suit yourselves. But unarmed Martians are still hostile, even if they aren’t typically threatening.”
“If I can make my citizens civilized, I can do the same with Martians, now let’s get prepared. What do I serve them to drink though? Its not like we have whatever it is Martians like to drink here.”
“Sure you do. You’ve got water. Mars isn’t known for having a lot of it, so they can’t get enough of the stuff. Its one of the reasons why they wanted Earth so damn bad.”

A few days pass and Moreau prepares his citizens for the plan, while they build some risers and bleachers for the fight, meanwhile you get in some last minute training. Ro-Man might be an idiot, but you’ve got a pretty good idea that he’s very strong, you’ll have to be on the top of your game.

You watch the skies and finally the Martians arrive. They land and all come pouring out of their saucers firing their lasers in the air, and yelling about how they’re going to see a good fight. Ro-Man appears and looks as goofy as he always has. A large crowd gathers and soon it’s just you and Ro-Man in the center.

“This is going to be your biggest mistake since your infamous Plan 9 invasion attempt.” You tell Ro-Man.
> You fight defensively
You figure all you need to do is last until the drugs start affecting the Martians, Ro-Man’s not very fast so you can just stay out of his way. You don’t want to tire yourself out.

The problem with this is the Martians begin to get restless and angry at the “dodge and run” tactic, this is followed by loud booing. They came to see a fight not a dance!

One of the Martians decides to take matters into his own hands and blasts you with his incineration beam. They proceed to do the same to the rest of the inhabitants on the island.


You shake your head and go back to Moreau’s house. Moreau is fiddling with some large old looking radio that contains a small black and white screen in it.

“This is not going to work.” You tell him.
“You’re giving up already?!”
“Well I don’t know what to do, maybe if I had more time I could do something, but shit Moreau, you bred all the damn fight out of them.”

Just then a voice comes on the radio and an image appears on the screen, it looks like some deepsea diver…oh geez it’s Ro-Man. The bureaucratic joke of the galaxy. Its fitting that he should be working for a bunch of idiotic Martians.

“Dr. Moreau, the Martian colonist will be here soon! I hope you have made your evacuations of your island, or we shall WIPE you from it!” Ro-man says mechanically.
“Ro-Man, please can’t we talk about this? I mean we’re peaceful, we won’t cause you any trouble!” Moreau says into his microphone.
“No! My orders are clear! We will WIPE you from the island!”

You snatch the mic from Moreau and address Ro-Man.

“Hey Ro-Man, you must be really scraping the bottom of the barrel if you’re working for Martians now. What happened, all the other aliens realize what a fucking joke you are?”
“What!? Wolf?! What’re you doing there? We’re about to WIPE the island clean of all Earthlings and that includes you if you insist on staying there!” Ro-Man retorts.
“I know Martians were stupid, but fuck, didn’t they realize what a goddamn joke you were when YOU attempted to take over the Earth?”
“Shut up Wolf! Hey isn’t that island full of a bunch of pacifists? What’s a self-proclaimed badass Alpha Wolf doing there? You turn pussy too or are YOU scraping the bottom of the barrel by working for them?”
“Fuck off Ro-Man! I got an idea, how about we settle this hand to hand combat? If I win you all go home, and if you win…well you won’t win, because you’re fucking moron.”
“I don’t think so; we’re intent on colonizing this island in accordance with the new Earth-Mars cooperation treaty. Your pitiful attempts to stall for time are useless.”
“Who says I’m stalling for time? I’m just saying I could kick your ass! You think I give a shit about this island? I’m just here to see if I got one more fight left in me, I was hoping for more of a challenge, but you’ll have to do. Of course if you’re too scared…”
”Aaargh! Alright! I’ll play your little game you mangy Earth mammal! We’ll do battle when we arrive and I’ll take great pleasure in crushing your skull!”

Ro-man breaks communication, and Moreau is more than a little disturbed by your recent conversation.

“Wolf! You promised to help us! I knew you were a lot of things, but I thought you at least weren’t a liar!”
“Calm the hell down Moreau! Despite what Ro-Man thinks, I have bough you guys some time. While me and Ro-Man are bashing each others heads in, the Martians will be gathered around watching and probably taking bets. Besides unsuccessful invasions and fucking human women, there’s nothing they like better than watching a fight.”
“Okay, but what good does that do us? I mean even if you win, the Martians will still kill all of us.”
“Ah that’s where you and the hippy freak coalition come in. I know you guys are fond of your drugs here, so when the Martians are watching I want you guys to act like hosts and serve drinks laced with LSD or whatever hallucinogenics you keep stashed here. By the time I finish kicking Ro-Man’s ass, the Martians will be tripping so hard you can make quick work of them.”
“That’s not a bad plan, but I think we’ll dispense with killing them as you’re suggesting. We can just destroy their weapons.”
“(Sigh) Alright suit yourselves. But unarmed Martians are still hostile, even if they aren’t typically threatening.”
“If I can make my citizens civilized, I can do the same with Martians, now let’s get prepared. What do I serve them to drink though? Its not like we have whatever it is Martians like to drink here.”
“Sure you do. You’ve got water. Mars isn’t known for having a lot of it, so they can’t get enough of the stuff. Its one of the reasons why they wanted Earth so damn bad.”

A few days pass and Moreau prepares his citizens for the plan, while they build some risers and bleachers for the fight, meanwhile you get in some last minute training. Ro-Man might be an idiot, but you’ve got a pretty good idea that he’s very strong, you’ll have to be on the top of your game.

You watch the skies and finally the Martians arrive. They land and all come pouring out of their saucers firing their lasers in the air, and yelling about how they’re going to see a good fight. Ro-Man appears and looks as goofy as he always has. A large crowd gathers and soon it’s just you and Ro-Man in the center.

“This is going to be your biggest mistake since your infamous Plan 9 invasion attempt.” You tell Ro-Man.
> You memories (Ro-Man)
Robot Monster: Ro-Man

If there’s a bigger laughing stock of the galaxy, they must’ve died of shame, because it would be tough to top Ro-Man.

Ro-Man’s appearance is comical enough, but his personality takes him over the edge. For the most part he comes across as a typical unflinching bureaucratic tight ass that does everything his superiors tell him to the letter. However he does have his own ambitions and plans but he’s never competent enough to carry them through, since he can barely carry out plans of his superiors.

The incident that really destroyed his career was his failed invasion of Earth. After seeing that the Martians were so interested in the planet he convinced his superior called “The Great One” that they should invade it and that he should lead the invasion force. He said he just needed one ship to do it too. The Great One up to that point wasn’t too impressed with Ro-Man, but he indulged the fool and said he’d get a promotion if he pulled it off. Ro-Man had it all planned out, he was going to WIPE out humanity (As he liked to say) and make the way clear for his own people to colonize. He developed a big death ray and everything.

What happened next made every failed invasion by the Martians look like military genius in comparison.

After he did all his long winded speeches, the governments of Earth pretty much dismissed him for the long winded blowhard he was and ignored him as a potential threat. Ro-Man was incensed and unleashed his “Death Beam” and destroyed every Earthling on the planet…

Or at least that’s what he thought happened, what really happened is when he turned the damn thing on he caused a power outage in his ship due to his bad wiring. After fumbling around in the dark for awhile and putting in a new fuse, his lighting came back on. Unfortunately for him not all the rest of his controls went back on line, but of course this genius didn’t think to make sure. When he checked his scanners they didn’t detect any life on Earth. It never occurred to him that all Earthlings hadn’t been WIPED out and his scanners just weren’t working.

Thinking he’d succeeded in his plan he landed on Earth to check things out, but instead of landing some place that would’ve tipped him off right away like a major city, he landed in the boondocks, where he ended up running into some very frightened humans who he figured were the only survivors on Earth. He spent the next few months chasing them around trying to kill them, until he started to get a hard on for some of the young human girls and then he was just trying to commit intergalactic rape at that point.

What ultimately happened was some hunter caught sight of him and shot him in the ass with a heavy duty tranquilizer, thinking he was Bigfoot. (He wanted to capture him alive for a reward) When he woke up he was on the first saucer back home and deported in great shame. His planet was humiliated for his spectacularly idiotic failure. He was demoted several ranks after that and eventually just kicked off his planet and his citizenship revoked. Later he would go on to hire himself as a mercenary for other aliens often as an invasion consultant.

Needless to say he would get hired once and then have to find a new employer.


“Aw hell, if the past is any indication Martians ain’t shit. I don’t have anything better to do. Let’s get going.” You remark.

You and Moreau leave the next day to his island by private plane. When you arrive you can see why the place is considered a paradise, its basically untamed wilderness with some agricultural improvements and basic structures to house the citizens.

Speaking of citizens, you see them in person. They’re a motley looking bunch. You see boar boys, goat girls, manatee men, and wombat women and those are some of the regular ones. Some look like they’ve been mixed with several species of animals, so you can’t even be sure what the hell they are.

Moreau’s citizens are equally interested in you.

“Are you another citizen?” one of them asks as they all attempt to crowd you.
“What? Hell no! I’m a fucking werewolf! Not a freak of nature!” you snarl, not wanting them to touch you. Moreau take the opportunity to make sure you don’t kill anyone.
“This is Wolf. He’s different than you…in several ways. But he’s here to help us with our current problem, just like our aquatic friend who volunteered to help a few days ago.”

You stop Moreau.

“Aquatic friend? You got someone else to help you?” you ask.
“Well yes, I wasn’t sure if you’d help, so I tried to get others as well. You and he were the only takers it seems though. I’m pretty sure you and he are familiar with each other. I can’t pronounce his real name, but he goes by Gil.”

“Gil?! You got GIL?! He was almost as reclusive as you! How’d you get him to help?”
“I don’t know. It was really just a gamble. I made the same deal, but I had little hope of him accepting it since he’s not exactly fond of land dwellers. He accepted though since he’s tired of having humans intrude on his home every five minute. He already has a place set aside for himself on the island. I just hope the island is still ours after all this.”
“Where is he?”
“He keeps to himself in a nearby swamp. He likes his privacy and I respect it. You and he can talk later. I’d like you to get to the training. The Martians will be coming soon, I’m predicting in a matter of days.”
“DAYS!? You didn’t say that before! How am I supposed to train these freaks in days?”
“Please Wolf you must try! Gil tried and didn’t get very far; he may have even given up. I was hoping you might have more luck since you’re a bit closer to my citizens.”
“I’m nothing like your citizens…but I’ll see what I can do.”
> You go talk with Gil
You take one look at Moreau’s citizens and shake your head. There’s no way you can whip these freaks into shape by yourself. Look at them, all peace and love and shit. There’s a damn giraffe man kissing a damn bear woman. It’s not right! You’re too disgusted right now; you have to talk to someone normal!

You go to the nearby swamp, where you see Gil catching a small lizard and eating it.

“Well its good to see someone here, who’s not a pansy ass herbivore.” You say.

Gil looks up, perturbed at first, but surprised when he sees you.

“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Same thing as you, Moreau offered to set me up for life, if I help him. Though I don’t see how that’s possible with the freaks I just met.”
“I know, tell me about it. I can’t even get them to argue with me! I was calling them a bunch of ignorant land dwellers who should’ve been killed at birth like the freaks they were and they tried to do was hug me.”
“Still don’t like surfacer dwellers eh Gil?”
“Hell no! I wouldn’t even be here, but I was getting really tired of moving every five minutes because humans feel the need to build a factory near my home. At least here, I know that’s not going to happen and the freaks will know to leave me be.”
“Assuming the freaks will still be here. The Martians will be taking over soon if we don’t do anything.” You remind Gil.
“I know, I know. They would be even worse neighbors than humans assuming they would still let me live here. (Sigh) Looks like I’ll be moving again soon.”
“Oh come on Gil, we gotta think up something. The Martians are a bunch of idiots. I can’t give up just yet.”
“Ah I should’ve suspected. You’re here to prove you still got one fight left in you. The old Alpha Wolf syndrome.”
“I’m not here just for that, but maybe that is part of it. So what the hell’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing I suppose. It’s your life. I just think it’s a pointless and silly endeavor that gets you killed for no good reason.”
“Oh fuck you Gil. We’re natural born killers, we’re designed to establish our dominance and be combative! You of all should understand that. You want to die an old fish in your sleep?”
“Sounds about right. Look Wolf, I know you’ve always subscribed to natural law, survival of fittest ideology and I do too. But you take it to the fucking extreme that it’s ridiculous. Really I mean don’t you feel that in your elder years that you’d just like peace and quiet? I never picked fights for the hell of it. It didn’t make much sense. I mean shit, I’ve been fighting humans all my damn life, and I’m tired of it. I want to rest. I always just wanted to be left alone but the damn land dwellers wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“Gil, I learned a long time ago, no matter how much you try, shitheads are going to bother you. You can be a recluse like you and Moreau or be an anti-social asshole like me. It doesn’t matter. Someone is going to fuck with you; someone is going to annoy you. All you can do is deal with it head on and make the best of it. What’re you going to do Gil? Move when the Martians arrive? Then move again when some humans build yet another factory by your new home and just keep going like that until you die? You got a chance here to pretty much live your dream of a relatively peaceful undisturbed life here. It’s not going to get any better Gil. All you gotta do is stand up to the Martians. Yeah, maybe you’ll get killed, but it’s better than constantly being on the run.”

Your words have made sense to Gil. He can’t really argue with your logic. This place probably is the best he’s going to ever have it on this planet. He just needs to help get rid of the Martian threat.

“Well Wolf, I guess either way this is going to be my last fight. Alright what should we do next? Because attempting to train the freaks seems like it’s doomed to failure.”
> You ask Gil if he knows anyone else who can help
If you actually had any friends you’d ask them if they could help, but since you don’t, you ask Gil if he knows anyone.

“Not really.” He says.
“Come on Gil, I mean you must know someone! There were a ton of aquatic sea monsters!”
“Oh yeah, we ALL know each other. Damn land dweller ignorance. I bet we all look alike to too you right?” Gil says annoyed.
“And I suppose you don’t think we all look alike?” you retort.
“Alright nevermind. I don’t know though, most of the beings I know, tolerate land dwellers even less than I do. And most of them can’t even leave the water to begin with.”
“I guess giant crabs and squids are out of the question then huh?”
“You guess right.”
“Damn.”
“Okay well, I DO have a cousin that might help, but we haven’t spoken in years.”
“Would he be of much help?”
“Oh he’d be more than enough help; he doesn’t much care for aliens in general. In fact he doesn’t like anyone and is very violent.”
“Sounds like a great guy.” You say.
“Hmm, yes I’m sure you and he have a few things in common. He’s another that pointless picks fights and believes in proving his dominance whenever possible.”
“Well get his ass over here!”
“I don’t know if he’ll come, we had a fight about something a long time ago hence the reason we haven’t spoken.”
“Gil, I know Moreau has at least one phone on this island. USE IT. NOW!”
“Alright, I’ll try, but like I said I don’t know if he’ll come to help.

You and Gil make your way back to Moreau’s freak town where the freaks still give you strange looks. You knock on Moreau’s door.

“Hey Moreau! Open up, Gil’s gotta use the phone.”

Moreau looks as haggard as ever when he opens his door.

“Damn Moreau, you look like shit, you really need to take better care of yourself. Eat some fucking meat. Anyway, Gil has a bad ass cousin apparently that can help, he just needs to call him.”
“Wolf, I don’t know if he’ll come, and now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know if I WANT him to come. He might still be pissed at me.”
”Have some faith Gil.”

Gil picks up the phone and starts pressing a million numbers.

“Where the hell does your cousin live, Gil?”
“Japan. Oh I got a tone…here he is. Hello Godzilla?”

“Your cousin is FUCKING GODZILLA?!” you ask.
“Oh even I’ve heard of him, heard he was giant lizard that routinely defeated other monsters and aliens. Surely he’ll be able to help.” Moreau says hopefully.

You look at Moreau in disbelief, he apparently has been such a recluse he hasn’t even kept up on who the fuck Godzilla really is and the extent of his power. You know damn well if Godzilla comes here, the Martians will be destroyed, but so will everything else on the island!

“It’s me. No don’t hang up! Look I’m sorry about that! I didn’t mean for that to happen! Come on I really need your help. I’m in a predicament and…”

You snatch the phone from Gil

“Dammit, no matter what shit happened between you two, you should at least know how your cousin’s mind operates by now, Gil!” you say to Gil.

“Hello, Godzilla? Big fan. My name’s Wolf you might know me, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. Look there’s a bunch of fucking Martians coming down to Earth thinking they’re tough shit and acting like they’re going to own the place. Yeah I know you’re King of the Monsters here on Earth, but you know how all aliens are, they’re arrogant bastards. Okay. Oh why thank you! That was my favorite role; I got to kill 17 humans in that one! Glad to see you have heard of me. Alright bye.”

You turn to Moreau and Gil.

“He’s coming.” You say.
> You get the hell off the island
You respect and even admire Godzilla for his abilities, but you’re not a damn idiot! When Godzilla comes to kick ass, he goes into overkill. You don’t want to be anywhere on the island when he arrives. You ask Moreau for your money.

“Alright Moreau, you said I could have my reward in cash, I’ll be taking it now seeing as my work here is done.”
“What?! You haven’t done anything!” Moreau says.
“The hell I didn’t, I got Godzilla to come here. He’ll solve your Martian problem.”
“Okay there’s two things wrong with that statement. First of all YOU still aren’t personally doing anything. Second of all Godzilla is Gil’s cousin not yours, if anything he gets credit for this before you!”
“Yeah!” Gil remarks.
“That may be, but I’m the one who convinced Godzilla to come here! Gil was too busy stuttering and apologizing.”
“Godzilla’s not even here yet! I’m not paying you anything; you can wait until after he gets rid of the Martians.”

Looks like Moreau isn’t parting with anything until after the job is completed, but if you wait until after Godzilla does his thing there won’t be anything left on the island to part with and that’s assuming you can find some place to lay low to avoid the sheer destruction that’s sure to come. (Even though Moreau seems to be ignorant of what’s about to occur to his Utopia)
> You insist on getting paid
You begin to get angry at Moreau’s unwillingness to pay up.

“Moreau I’m going to ask you ONE last time, I want my money!” you snarl.
“You’re not getting anything from me! And you can stop threatening me, because it won’t work! I had to face angry tigermen and worse while attempting to turn this place into a Utopia! So you can just…”

You don’t let Moreau finish that sentence; you take a swipe at him with your claws, knocking him down. He slams his head into his desk and looks very still. Gil goes over to check on him.

“He’s dead.” Gil says.
“Damn, I didn’t mean to hit him so hard, I was just trying to scare him a bit.”
“You dickhead! NOW what are we supposed to do?!”
“Will you relax, I’m sure he’s got a safe or some place where he keeps the money, all we have to do is find it, it can’t be far.”
”I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about he was the only one who could fly the plane of the island! How the hell are we supposed to leave now that he’s dead?! And do I need to remind you that my cousin is coming here? I didn’t want to be here anymore than you did when he arrived especially since he’s pissed at me!”
“Oh shit, I didn’t think about that. FUCK! Wait a minute! What the hell are you worried about? All you gotta do is start swimming!”
”Hey asshole, it’s the fucking ocean! SALTWATER! I can’t survive in that shit. Not for that long anyway. I might as well be swimming in vinegar.”
“Hold on you better just calm the fuck down, and watch your tone Fishboy.”
“Fuck you mangy land dwelling dog! I should’ve never listened to you!”

Gil is just as pissed at you as you are with him right now and you both act on your anger. A fight between you both occurs in the office, and eventually out in the middle of the town. Moreau’s freaks stand in disbelief, they’re unaccustomed to seeing such violence in a long time, and the younger ones have never seen it at all. Most of them just stand out of the way as you and Gil attempt to kill one another.

You fight for a couple days, and then the Martians arrive. When they see that the island is still inhabited they go into their kill all Earthlings routine and start killing the citizens of the island with ease, until they’re all dead. Meanwhile you and Gil are still beating each others brains out. The Martians decide not to interrupt and start placing bets; you’re the odds on favorite since Gil is starting to dehydrate at this point.

Another day passes and Godzilla finally arrives. The Martians attempt to fight back, but this is fucking Godzilla. He merely sneezes at their beam weapons and their saucers. Then he crushes the remaining ones under foot, destroying most of the island in the process.

Then he notices Gil, and remembering whatever he did to piss him off, he decides to get some payback. Unfortunately you’re in the way of his “payback” and you’re both incinerated with one bellow of radioactive fire.


You respect and even admire Godzilla for his abilities, but you’re not a damn idiot! When Godzilla comes to kick ass, he goes into overkill. You don’t want to be anywhere on the island when he arrives. You ask Moreau for your money.

“Alright Moreau, you said I could have my reward in cash, I’ll be taking it now seeing as my work here is done.”
“What?! You haven’t done anything!” Moreau says.
“The hell I didn’t, I got Godzilla to come here. He’ll solve your Martian problem.”
“Okay there’s two things wrong with that statement. First of all YOU still aren’t personally doing anything. Second of all Godzilla is Gil’s cousin not yours, if anything he gets credit for this before you!”
“Yeah!” Gil remarks.
“That may be, but I’m the one who convinced Godzilla to come here! Gil was too busy stuttering and apologizing.”
“Godzilla’s not even here yet! I’m not paying you anything; you can wait until after he gets rid of the Martians.”

Looks like Moreau isn’t parting with anything until after the job is completed, but if you wait until after Godzilla does his thing there won’t be anything left on the island to part with and that’s assuming you can find some place to lay low to avoid the sheer destruction that’s sure to come. (Even though Moreau seems to be ignorant of what’s about to occur to his Utopia)
> You leave without getting paid
You don’t even care about the money or anything at this point, you just need to get off this island and Moreau’s the only one who can fly the plane.

“Alright look, forget the money, just take me home, I just don’t want to be on this island any longer the whole place sickens my sensibilities.”

Moreau looks annoyed by your comment.

“Hmm, well if you hate my Utopia so much, I certainly won’t keep you any longer. I’ll fly you home immediately. I didn’t want your kind really living here anyway. At least Gil is civilized enough to appreciate this place.”
“Uh actually I’d like to go back to the mainland as well. I don’t care about any money either, I’m not going to be living anywhere that requires rent anyway.” Gil says nervously.
“What? I thought you wanted to stay?”
“I changed my mind! Can we just leave?!”
“Alright fine, I’ll fly you both back. I’ll get the plane ready. I’m a little puzzled by all this, you’ve helped me, but now you don’t want any reward. All I can say is thanks I guess.”

After Moreau leaves to start up the plane, you ask Gil what’s up with him.

“So why are you leaving?” you ask.
“Duh! The same reason you are, because my cousin will destroy this fucking place, even though Moreau seems to be oblivious of that fact. Not to mention he still sounded pissed at me on the phone, so I don’t want to be here when he arrives! (Sigh) And I did so want to live here too.”
“Well if it wasn’t your cousin, it would’ve been the Martians so you would’ve had to leave anyway. I’m not getting anything out of this either; I gotta go back to my cabin in the woods and figure out how to raise some money again. I hope Erik’s got something lined up.”
“At least you have a home to return to, I gotta find a new one all over again.”
“Hm, well there’s a small lake in the woods I live in, you might try that for awhile. Not too many people go into the woods, especially since I tend to discourage it.”
“I might just do that since I don’t have any better ideas right now, I guess you’re not a bad sort for a land dweller. Sounds like Moreau got the plane working, let’s get the hell out of here.”

You and Gil proceed to talk about a great many of things while on the plane and become quite friendly with each other. Probably a first for the both of you. After Moreau drops you both off, you continue to discuss the old days while Gil checks out the lake you were talking about. He mentions it’s a good place as long as nobody bothers him. Gil becomes your new neighbor and you both part ways since you both still want your solitude. You do get together to watch TV when a news story comes on a couple days after you left Moreau’s island...

The Martians arrived just like they said, and so did Godzilla. A massive fight broke out, but of course the only winner could ever be Godzilla. Their flying saucers were incinerated by his radioactive breath and their troops were crushed underfoot with ease.

The entire island was also incinerated and crushed underfoot with ease! Most of Moreau’s citizens were killed in the cross fire of this battle. Dr. Moreau was found dead from a self-inflicted beam blast to the head (A weapon he picked up from a dead Martian no doubt) Some of the survivors claim his last words were “Such destruction… Why? Why? Why didn’t they tell me?!”

This massive devastation continued even after Godzilla killed all the Martians, apparently from some of the other survivor reports, he was tearing the place apart searching the entire island for something or someone. When he didn’t find it, he gave a roar and went back to Japan.

After watching the news report, you turn to Gil.

“Alright Gil what the hell did you do to your cousin? I mean what possibly could you’ve done to piss him off so bad? It’s not like you’re Rodan or Mothra.”
“Eh, it’s not something I like to talk about Wolf. I’m not too proud of doing it, but…”
“But what Gil? Out with it!”
“Well…I kind of…impregnated his wife…I know what your next question is, and it’s a bit complicated so I won’t try to explain, but we aquatics mate a little differently than…”
“Alright Gil! I don’t need to hear anymore!” you say, and then sudden you have to ask…
“So wait a minute. You mean to say Minya was…”
“Yep, he was my son. Why else would he blow smoke rings instead of radioactive fire and be so small?”
“Well I thought it was because he was young.”
“You probably haven’t kept up with Minya, but he’s STILL that size and still can’t breathe radioactive fire. My cousin knew something was rotten around Minya’s 10th birthday, since he should’ve grown a lot bigger by then as well as the fire stuff. His wife confessed everything. It’s another reason why I’m so reclusive.”

You just stare in disbelief at all this. Even with all the dirty secrets you’ve known about in this business, this one is definitely a new one for you. You don’t think you’ll be able to look at Godzilla OR Gil in the same light ever again.

Godzilla might be King of the Monsters, but you have to give some sort of props to someone who fucked his wife and got away with it.


If you actually had any friends you’d ask them if they could help, but since you don’t, you ask Gil if he knows anyone.

“Not really.” He says.
“Come on Gil, I mean you must know someone! There were a ton of aquatic sea monsters!”
“Oh yeah, we ALL know each other. Damn land dweller ignorance. I bet we all look alike to too you right?” Gil says annoyed.
“And I suppose you don’t think we all look alike?” you retort.
“Alright nevermind. I don’t know though, most of the beings I know, tolerate land dwellers even less than I do. And most of them can’t even leave the water to begin with.”
“I guess giant crabs and squids are out of the question then huh?”
“You guess right.”
“Damn.”
“Okay well, I DO have a cousin that might help, but we haven’t spoken in years.”
“Would he be of much help?”
“Oh he’d be more than enough help; he doesn’t much care for aliens in general. In fact he doesn’t like anyone and is very violent.”
“Sounds like a great guy.” You say.
“Hmm, yes I’m sure you and he have a few things in common. He’s another that pointless picks fights and believes in proving his dominance whenever possible.”
“Well get his ass over here!”
“I don’t know if he’ll come, we had a fight about something a long time ago hence the reason we haven’t spoken.”
“Gil, I know Moreau has at least one phone on this island. USE IT. NOW!”
“Alright, I’ll try, but like I said I don’t know if he’ll come to help.

You and Gil make your way back to Moreau’s freak town where the freaks still give you strange looks. You knock on Moreau’s door.

“Hey Moreau! Open up, Gil’s gotta use the phone.”

Moreau looks as haggard as ever when he opens his door.

“Damn Moreau, you look like shit, you really need to take better care of yourself. Eat some fucking meat. Anyway, Gil has a bad ass cousin apparently that can help, he just needs to call him.”
“Wolf, I don’t know if he’ll come, and now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know if I WANT him to come. He might still be pissed at me.”
”Have some faith Gil.”

Gil picks up the phone and starts pressing a million numbers.

“Where the hell does your cousin live, Gil?”
“Japan. Oh I got a tone…here he is. Hello Godzilla?”

“Your cousin is FUCKING GODZILLA?!” you ask.
“Oh even I’ve heard of him, heard he was giant lizard that routinely defeated other monsters and aliens. Surely he’ll be able to help.” Moreau says hopefully.

You look at Moreau in disbelief, he apparently has been such a recluse he hasn’t even kept up on who the fuck Godzilla really is and the extent of his power. You know damn well if Godzilla comes here, the Martians will be destroyed, but so will everything else on the island!

“It’s me. No don’t hang up! Look I’m sorry about that! I didn’t mean for that to happen! Come on I really need your help. I’m in a predicament and…”

You snatch the phone from Gil

“Dammit, no matter what shit happened between you two, you should at least know how your cousin’s mind operates by now, Gil!” you say to Gil.

“Hello, Godzilla? Big fan. My name’s Wolf you might know me, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. Look there’s a bunch of fucking Martians coming down to Earth thinking they’re tough shit and acting like they’re going to own the place. Yeah I know you’re King of the Monsters here on Earth, but you know how all aliens are, they’re arrogant bastards. Okay. Oh why thank you! That was my favorite role; I got to kill 17 humans in that one! Glad to see you have heard of me. Alright bye.”

You turn to Moreau and Gil.

“He’s coming.” You say.
> You sit back and watch the show
No way are you going to miss a front row seat to watch the master do his work! You just need a good place to be at that’s out of the way of the destruction.

“Okay so now that that’s settled, is there any place on the island that’s relatively uninhabited?” you ask
“As you can see the island is mostly still in its natural state, but I’m assuming you’re talking about areas that aren’t visited or traveled very often, well there’s a peninsula on the island that’s pretty much avoided since it just consists of a rocky plateau. Nothing grows there and it’s barren.”
”Good that’s where I’ll be then.” You say.
Moreau looks at you wondering why you’re acting strangely, then he wonders the same thing about Gil when he starts asking to leave.

“Uh…Moreau can you take me back to the mainland? I don’t care; just drop me off at the nearest swamp.” Gil asks.
“What?! I can’t leave right now, the Martians will be here soon and so will your cousin, I have to look out for my people! Why do you want to leave anyway? I thought you were going to live here.”
“I changed my mind! Look it won’t take that long, I just need to leave!”
“Well I’m not leaving now, you’ll have to wait until this blows over. Or if you really want to leave I’m sure you can swim.”
”It’s the fucking ocean you dick! I can’t be swimming in saltwater for extended periods of time! I can’t wait either! My cousin still sounded like he was pissed at me! He’ll destroy this whole island and me with it!”
“What?!” Moreau says startled.
“Uh, Gil’s exaggerating! Nothing to worry about!” you say attempting to shut Gil up.
“Wait a minute! What the hell have you two brought to my island!?”
“Dammit Moreau, if you don’t know who the fuck Godzilla is it’s your own damn fault! Look just keep your freaks out of the way and everything will be fine.” You say.

Now Moreau looks as green as Gil, who’s looking even greener if such a thing was possible. They’re looking very worried.
> You come up with another plan
“Hey look I got an idea…”
“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP WOLF!” Moreau screams.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into calling my cousin!” Gil says and then attacks you!

You and Gil start wailing on each other pretty good, eventually your fighting brings you both in the middle of the town where Moreau’s freaks look on in wide eyed wonder. They’re even more surprised when Moreau comes out with a silver fork and stabs you in the back with it.

“Agh! What the fuck? Fuckin’ silverware? You’re gonna have to do better than that Freakmaker!” you say turning around, and slashing Moreau a couple times across the throat, killing him. Unfortunately you turned your back on Gil, who takes advantage of the fork in your back and drives it in deeper, puncturing vital organs.

You fall to the ground in extreme pain attempting to catch your breath, as Gil smashes your face into some rocks and reenacting a psycho killer tactic by repeatedly stabbing the shit out of you with the silver fork, until he’s sure you’re dead.

Gil’s revenge is short lived though. He’s killed in the big battle between the Martians and his cousin a few days later. In fact nothing on the island survives the battle except Godzilla.


No way are you going to miss a front row seat to watch the master do his work! You just need a good place to be at that’s out of the way of the destruction.

“Okay so now that that’s settled, is there any place on the island that’s relatively uninhabited?” you ask
“As you can see the island is mostly still in its natural state, but I’m assuming you’re talking about areas that aren’t visited or traveled very often, well there’s a peninsula on the island that’s pretty much avoided since it just consists of a rocky plateau. Nothing grows there and it’s barren.”
”Good that’s where I’ll be then.” You say.
Moreau looks at you wondering why you’re acting strangely, then he wonders the same thing about Gil when he starts asking to leave.

“Uh…Moreau can you take me back to the mainland? I don’t care; just drop me off at the nearest swamp.” Gil asks.
“What?! I can’t leave right now, the Martians will be here soon and so will your cousin, I have to look out for my people! Why do you want to leave anyway? I thought you were going to live here.”
“I changed my mind! Look it won’t take that long, I just need to leave!”
“Well I’m not leaving now, you’ll have to wait until this blows over. Or if you really want to leave I’m sure you can swim.”
”It’s the fucking ocean you dick! I can’t be swimming in saltwater for extended periods of time! I can’t wait either! My cousin still sounded like he was pissed at me! He’ll destroy this whole island and me with it!”
“What?!” Moreau says startled.
“Uh, Gil’s exaggerating! Nothing to worry about!” you say attempting to shut Gil up.
“Wait a minute! What the hell have you two brought to my island!?”
“Dammit Moreau, if you don’t know who the fuck Godzilla is it’s your own damn fault! Look just keep your freaks out of the way and everything will be fine.” You say.

Now Moreau looks as green as Gil, who’s looking even greener if such a thing was possible. They’re looking very worried.
> You head to the plateau
Gil and Moreau can shit themselves with fear, but you’re not going to sit around worrying about all this. You decide to get yourself a prime seat on that rocky plateau.

As you leave Moreau and Gil to their own devices, you walk through the town while the freaks all stare at you. That’s when you notice they have do have some livestock here after all. It looks like they just sheep for the wool purposes though. (Probably part of their economy) What a waste. You boldly go into the little grazing field and pick yourself up a couple of big fat sheep. A shepherd who looks like his origins lie with some sort of rodent, attempts to stop you from killing them.

“Hey, those are my sheep, I’m afraid you can’t just…”

You punch out the ratboy and continue to kill your dinner while all the other freaks whisper amongst themselves about your behavior.

“Fuck all of you pussy ass bitches, y’all oughta be glad I’m not eating any of YOU!” you say and continue to your destination.

You get to the plateau, and it really is a nice view. You can see the entire island from it. Not long after you get there you see Moreau’s plane leave.

“Hmm, so much for sticking around to defend his Utopia.” You say.

A day passes and you see the saucers come from the sky. A few of them land in the distance, while others are blasting the hell out of the towns scattered around the island. They’re too busy invading the populated areas though, so you’re safe. That’s when you also see Godzilla’s giant form looming in the distance.

“Aw shit! This is going to be good!” you say preparing to watch the master in action.

As soon as Godzilla steps foot on the island he starts wrecking the place. The Martians attempt to fight back, but it’s useless. They can’t even beat humans; they stand even less of a chance against Godzilla. Their technology is like the equivalent of someone throwing a rock at a fully armored tank; a tank that can breathe radioactive fire.

The Martians are completely destroyed along with most of the island. Godzilla seems to stick around smashing the place, like he’s looking for someone, that’s when he notices you. Even from your high location, you’re still staring up at him from his belly.

“RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGH! RAAAAAAAAAGH!”
“Oh Gil? Yeah, he was here.” You shout holding your ears.
“RRRRRRAAAAAAAGH! RRRRAAAAAGGGGGH!”
“Yeah, I think he left with Dr. Moreau though. You just missed him a couple days ago.”
”RRRRRAAAAGGGGHHH! RRRAAAAAGGGH!”
“Okay I’ll let him know that, assuming I ever see him again.”
“RRAAAAAAAAAGHHH! RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!”
“Okay bye then. And it was great to see you in action first hand!”

Godzilla leaves and you’re now standing on a wrecked island. You’ll probably be stuck here for awhile, until the humans deploy ships to find out what the hell happened. This will all probably lead to another war between Earth and Mars again. Oh well.

In the meantime, the island isn’t complete wasteland, in fact parts of it are still intact and there are plenty of animals around and even some freak survivors are still alive. You’ll have plenty of food, lots of solitude as well. Hell, it’s like a vacation. You just realized you’ve never been on vacation ever in your life, but you’re taking the opportunity now. You even got to see a “big show”.

And why not, you’ve deserved it.


If you actually had any friends you’d ask them if they could help, but since you don’t, you ask Gil if he knows anyone.

“Not really.” He says.
“Come on Gil, I mean you must know someone! There were a ton of aquatic sea monsters!”
“Oh yeah, we ALL know each other. Damn land dweller ignorance. I bet we all look alike to too you right?” Gil says annoyed.
“And I suppose you don’t think we all look alike?” you retort.
“Alright nevermind. I don’t know though, most of the beings I know, tolerate land dwellers even less than I do. And most of them can’t even leave the water to begin with.”
“I guess giant crabs and squids are out of the question then huh?”
“You guess right.”
“Damn.”
“Okay well, I DO have a cousin that might help, but we haven’t spoken in years.”
“Would he be of much help?”
“Oh he’d be more than enough help; he doesn’t much care for aliens in general. In fact he doesn’t like anyone and is very violent.”
“Sounds like a great guy.” You say.
“Hmm, yes I’m sure you and he have a few things in common. He’s another that pointless picks fights and believes in proving his dominance whenever possible.”
“Well get his ass over here!”
“I don’t know if he’ll come, we had a fight about something a long time ago hence the reason we haven’t spoken.”
“Gil, I know Moreau has at least one phone on this island. USE IT. NOW!”
“Alright, I’ll try, but like I said I don’t know if he’ll come to help.

You and Gil make your way back to Moreau’s freak town where the freaks still give you strange looks. You knock on Moreau’s door.

“Hey Moreau! Open up, Gil’s gotta use the phone.”

Moreau looks as haggard as ever when he opens his door.

“Damn Moreau, you look like shit, you really need to take better care of yourself. Eat some fucking meat. Anyway, Gil has a bad ass cousin apparently that can help, he just needs to call him.”
“Wolf, I don’t know if he’ll come, and now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know if I WANT him to come. He might still be pissed at me.”
”Have some faith Gil.”

Gil picks up the phone and starts pressing a million numbers.

“Where the hell does your cousin live, Gil?”
“Japan. Oh I got a tone…here he is. Hello Godzilla?”

“Your cousin is FUCKING GODZILLA?!” you ask.
“Oh even I’ve heard of him, heard he was giant lizard that routinely defeated other monsters and aliens. Surely he’ll be able to help.” Moreau says hopefully.

You look at Moreau in disbelief, he apparently has been such a recluse he hasn’t even kept up on who the fuck Godzilla really is and the extent of his power. You know damn well if Godzilla comes here, the Martians will be destroyed, but so will everything else on the island!

“It’s me. No don’t hang up! Look I’m sorry about that! I didn’t mean for that to happen! Come on I really need your help. I’m in a predicament and…”

You snatch the phone from Gil

“Dammit, no matter what shit happened between you two, you should at least know how your cousin’s mind operates by now, Gil!” you say to Gil.

“Hello, Godzilla? Big fan. My name’s Wolf you might know me, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. Look there’s a bunch of fucking Martians coming down to Earth thinking they’re tough shit and acting like they’re going to own the place. Yeah I know you’re King of the Monsters here on Earth, but you know how all aliens are, they’re arrogant bastards. Okay. Oh why thank you! That was my favorite role; I got to kill 17 humans in that one! Glad to see you have heard of me. Alright bye.”

You turn to Moreau and Gil.

“He’s coming.” You say.
> You memories (Godzilla)
King of the Monsters: Godzilla

Naturally you never got to hang out with him since he ran in his own circle and did most of his films in Japan, but you have nothing, but respect for Godzilla. He’s beaten the shit out of everything that’s been thrown at him. Humans, Aliens, Robots, other Giant Monsters, all of them decimated. If there was anyone else you had to be, you’d be Godzilla.

There are no words that you could say that would do him justice. He’s the pinnacle of badassitude.

He really is the King of the Monsters and will always be a legend.


You take one look at Moreau’s citizens and shake your head. There’s no way you can whip these freaks into shape by yourself. Look at them, all peace and love and shit. There’s a damn giraffe man kissing a damn bear woman. It’s not right! You’re too disgusted right now; you have to talk to someone normal!

You go to the nearby swamp, where you see Gil catching a small lizard and eating it.

“Well its good to see someone here, who’s not a pansy ass herbivore.” You say.

Gil looks up, perturbed at first, but surprised when he sees you.

“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Same thing as you, Moreau offered to set me up for life, if I help him. Though I don’t see how that’s possible with the freaks I just met.”
“I know, tell me about it. I can’t even get them to argue with me! I was calling them a bunch of ignorant land dwellers who should’ve been killed at birth like the freaks they were and they tried to do was hug me.”
“Still don’t like surfacer dwellers eh Gil?”
“Hell no! I wouldn’t even be here, but I was getting really tired of moving every five minutes because humans feel the need to build a factory near my home. At least here, I know that’s not going to happen and the freaks will know to leave me be.”
“Assuming the freaks will still be here. The Martians will be taking over soon if we don’t do anything.” You remind Gil.
“I know, I know. They would be even worse neighbors than humans assuming they would still let me live here. (Sigh) Looks like I’ll be moving again soon.”
“Oh come on Gil, we gotta think up something. The Martians are a bunch of idiots. I can’t give up just yet.”
“Ah I should’ve suspected. You’re here to prove you still got one fight left in you. The old Alpha Wolf syndrome.”
“I’m not here just for that, but maybe that is part of it. So what the hell’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing I suppose. It’s your life. I just think it’s a pointless and silly endeavor that gets you killed for no good reason.”
“Oh fuck you Gil. We’re natural born killers, we’re designed to establish our dominance and be combative! You of all should understand that. You want to die an old fish in your sleep?”
“Sounds about right. Look Wolf, I know you’ve always subscribed to natural law, survival of fittest ideology and I do too. But you take it to the fucking extreme that it’s ridiculous. Really I mean don’t you feel that in your elder years that you’d just like peace and quiet? I never picked fights for the hell of it. It didn’t make much sense. I mean shit, I’ve been fighting humans all my damn life, and I’m tired of it. I want to rest. I always just wanted to be left alone but the damn land dwellers wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“Gil, I learned a long time ago, no matter how much you try, shitheads are going to bother you. You can be a recluse like you and Moreau or be an anti-social asshole like me. It doesn’t matter. Someone is going to fuck with you; someone is going to annoy you. All you can do is deal with it head on and make the best of it. What’re you going to do Gil? Move when the Martians arrive? Then move again when some humans build yet another factory by your new home and just keep going like that until you die? You got a chance here to pretty much live your dream of a relatively peaceful undisturbed life here. It’s not going to get any better Gil. All you gotta do is stand up to the Martians. Yeah, maybe you’ll get killed, but it’s better than constantly being on the run.”

Your words have made sense to Gil. He can’t really argue with your logic. This place probably is the best he’s going to ever have it on this planet. He just needs to help get rid of the Martian threat.

“Well Wolf, I guess either way this is going to be my last fight. Alright what should we do next? Because attempting to train the freaks seems like it’s doomed to failure.”
> You suggest you and Gil just try to do the best training them
“Well we have to work with what we got Gil, nothing else for it.”
“(Sigh) I don’t know, I tried already, and none of them have any kind of fighter instinct.”
“You probably were treating them like something you scraped off your scales.”
“Oh and I suppose you’d treat them better?”
“Not really, but they might respond better to me, I can be diplomatic.”
“Ha ha ha ha! YOU!? Diplomatic?! Alright I’ll help because I gotta see this!”

You and Gil go to back to Moreau’s freak town, where the freaks stare at you again. You call everyone to gather around.

“Alright you freaks come gather around! Now then, it has become quite apparent to me that all of you are a bunch of hippy weaklings who would’ve been killed a long time ago, if you actually lived in reality. Well soon the reality will come to rectify that mistake if you don’t stand up to the Martians that will be coming to annihilate this little so called paradise you all have.”
“Oh maybe if we’re real nice to them, they’ll let us live!” one says.
“Not familiar with Martians are you? They’re not the nicest beings in any sense of the word. They’ve attempted to conquer this planet several times and have killed millions of humans. What do you think they’ll do to you freaks?”
“I’m sure they can be reasonable, if we just ask them nicely to live with us in peace.”
“Argh! Didn’t you fucking freaks hear what I said?! I said they’ll fucking kill ALL of you! Now if you fight back you might have a chance! All you have to do is evacuate your town and whatever little settlements you have on this island and take to the wilderness. You could easily conduct a successful guerilla war on here. Martians aren’t very good tacticians and have bad immune systems. They’ll probably catch malaria and every other disease under the sun attempting to root you guys out and I of course will be the one leading you to victory!”

Your speech is met with more silence and disapproval.

“No! We shall not give in to hatred and violence! Those are the old ways!”
“Yes and some of us never followed those ways in the first place!”

“That went over real well, got any other ideas?” Gil asks you.
> You fly into a rage
This is too frustrating to you and once again you’re sickened with how nature has been perverted like this. You can’t take it any more. You start killing the nearest freaks to you. Naturally this all results in a lot of running and screaming on their part. The blood lust gets to you, so you don’t just stop there, you won’t be happy until you’ve killed them all.

Dr. Moreau comes out to see what’s going on, and immediately goes into shock at the sight of his citizens lying on the ground in bloody heaps. He then clutches his heart and falls over dead.

Gil sees that you’re busy, so he goes back to his swamp mumbling something about land dwellers.

By the time the Martians arrive you’ve pretty much done their job for them. They take this as a sign of genuine steps to improve Martian-Earthling relations. They thank you and allow you to live on the island for free. You accept since it beats going back to the run down cabin and having to pay rent.

As it turns out, Martians aren’t really such bad neighbors. A lot of them are pretty stupid, but then so are most humans. Life doesn’t change too much for you.

Just goes to show wherever you go, there you are.


“Well we have to work with what we got Gil, nothing else for it.”
“(Sigh) I don’t know, I tried already, and none of them have any kind of fighter instinct.”
“You probably were treating them like something you scraped off your scales.”
“Oh and I suppose you’d treat them better?”
“Not really, but they might respond better to me, I can be diplomatic.”
“Ha ha ha ha! YOU!? Diplomatic?! Alright I’ll help because I gotta see this!”

You and Gil go to back to Moreau’s freak town, where the freaks stare at you again. You call everyone to gather around.

“Alright you freaks come gather around! Now then, it has become quite apparent to me that all of you are a bunch of hippy weaklings who would’ve been killed a long time ago, if you actually lived in reality. Well soon the reality will come to rectify that mistake if you don’t stand up to the Martians that will be coming to annihilate this little so called paradise you all have.”
“Oh maybe if we’re real nice to them, they’ll let us live!” one says.
“Not familiar with Martians are you? They’re not the nicest beings in any sense of the word. They’ve attempted to conquer this planet several times and have killed millions of humans. What do you think they’ll do to you freaks?”
“I’m sure they can be reasonable, if we just ask them nicely to live with us in peace.”
“Argh! Didn’t you fucking freaks hear what I said?! I said they’ll fucking kill ALL of you! Now if you fight back you might have a chance! All you have to do is evacuate your town and whatever little settlements you have on this island and take to the wilderness. You could easily conduct a successful guerilla war on here. Martians aren’t very good tacticians and have bad immune systems. They’ll probably catch malaria and every other disease under the sun attempting to root you guys out and I of course will be the one leading you to victory!”

Your speech is met with more silence and disapproval.

“No! We shall not give in to hatred and violence! Those are the old ways!”
“Yes and some of us never followed those ways in the first place!”

“That went over real well, got any other ideas?” Gil asks you.
> You continue to speak
You’re determined to make these freaks fight, mainly because you’re too stubborn to give up. You start going on about natural law, survival of the fittest an all those other might makes right philosophies you subscribe to. After about a day of this, some of the carnivorous and omnivore freaks begin to find something that still dwells within them. Even the herbivores start tapping into their human side to get that aggressive streak within them.

Now you’ve got something to work with! Unfortunately you don’t have much time. You and Gil only manage to give the bare minimum of training when the Martians arrive. You manage to get most of them to evacuate before they do their initial saucer bombardment. Dr. Moreau stays behind to die after seeing what you’re turning his “citizens” into; he doesn’t want to be any part of it. As far as he’s concerned his Utopia is over.

But your battle is just beginning! Just like you suggested you, Gil and the freaks take to the jungles which they all know like the back of their paws, hoofs, etc. You get some of the freaks that have burrowing skills to create a system of underground tunnels, where you do your training, planning and where you strike from.

The Martians meanwhile use their superior technology to combat you, but they aren’t very successful. They can’t just destroy the entire island since they’re attempting to hold it, this all results in a war of attrition that ultimately ends very badly for them as they die of diseases, ambushes and the like. It also doesn’t help when you get a hold of some of their weapons. Eventually they pull out. Gil parts ways with you at this point and goes back to live in his bit of swamp where he originally wanted to spend the remainder of his days. Nobody ever bothers him again. You however take control of the island. The freaks are a lot more to your liking now. No more of that pussy peace shit. No more “No spill blood law” either. The only law now is the law of the jungle. (Well since you’re in charge, you tend to make “rules” that benefit you though)

You live out the rest of your years in relative luxury mating with a Fox woman on a regular basis. Amazingly she gives birth to some weird crossbreed. You “imaginatively” call him Wox and teach him the same thing you taught everyone else. When Wox grows up he’s so grateful for your ruthless teachings that he decides that you’ve earned you rest and kills you for ruler ship of the island.

You don’t blame him though it’s the natural order of things.


“Aw hell, if the past is any indication Martians ain’t shit. I don’t have anything better to do. Let’s get going.” You remark.

You and Moreau leave the next day to his island by private plane. When you arrive you can see why the place is considered a paradise, its basically untamed wilderness with some agricultural improvements and basic structures to house the citizens.

Speaking of citizens, you see them in person. They’re a motley looking bunch. You see boar boys, goat girls, manatee men, and wombat women and those are some of the regular ones. Some look like they’ve been mixed with several species of animals, so you can’t even be sure what the hell they are.

Moreau’s citizens are equally interested in you.

“Are you another citizen?” one of them asks as they all attempt to crowd you.
“What? Hell no! I’m a fucking werewolf! Not a freak of nature!” you snarl, not wanting them to touch you. Moreau take the opportunity to make sure you don’t kill anyone.
“This is Wolf. He’s different than you…in several ways. But he’s here to help us with our current problem, just like our aquatic friend who volunteered to help a few days ago.”

You stop Moreau.

“Aquatic friend? You got someone else to help you?” you ask.
“Well yes, I wasn’t sure if you’d help, so I tried to get others as well. You and he were the only takers it seems though. I’m pretty sure you and he are familiar with each other. I can’t pronounce his real name, but he goes by Gil.”

“Gil?! You got GIL?! He was almost as reclusive as you! How’d you get him to help?”
“I don’t know. It was really just a gamble. I made the same deal, but I had little hope of him accepting it since he’s not exactly fond of land dwellers. He accepted though since he’s tired of having humans intrude on his home every five minute. He already has a place set aside for himself on the island. I just hope the island is still ours after all this.”
“Where is he?”
“He keeps to himself in a nearby swamp. He likes his privacy and I respect it. You and he can talk later. I’d like you to get to the training. The Martians will be coming soon, I’m predicting in a matter of days.”
“DAYS!? You didn’t say that before! How am I supposed to train these freaks in days?”
“Please Wolf you must try! Gil tried and didn’t get very far; he may have even given up. I was hoping you might have more luck since you’re a bit closer to my citizens.”
“I’m nothing like your citizens…but I’ll see what I can do.”
> You memories (Gil)
The Creature: Gil AKA Gilqtzejeopleziqjadg’helixizrtylewv’rocrzs…

Gil’s real name is a mile long and unpronounceable like most members of underwater species. He doesn’t really care for the name “Gil”, but he resigns himself to the fact that you land dwellers can’t pronounce his real one.

He was pretty private, normally he’d just come to work, do his job and go back to his swamp, or lagoon, or whatever body of water he was living in at the time. (Never anyplace with salt water though, as it reeked havoc on his skin) As far as the “big name monsters” go, he was probably the one who socialized the least, mainly because he didn’t like land dwellers. He didn’t like land dwellers for several reasons, but even if they hadn’t been draining his swamps, pissing into his pools, polluting his lagoons, and over fishing his lakes, he didn’t like them before they did all that. While he didn’t like land dwellers, you didn’t take offense to it like everyone else did. You actually understood it. You don’t have anything in common with the Undead and you don’t like them. Gil was an aquatic being, there’s no real reason for him to like ANY land dwellers, since he didn’t have much in common with them. (Given that you can’t stand most of them half of the time, you couldn’t really blame Gil for his prejudices)

You and he never interacted much, but you did respect each other for each ones natural predator instinct.