No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you’re not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.

“Fuck that Erik, there’s gotta be something else!”
“Well there’s a comic convention that needs another guest speaker…”

You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn’t just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you’re thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.

“What the fuck…how the hell…” you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don’t understand how you couldn’t have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.

“Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!” you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Me? I live just a few miles away! What’re you doing here and how is it that I didn’t see or hear you crashing through the forest?”
“Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be.”
“Okay, but what’re you doing here?”
“Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can’t put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked.”
“Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?”
“She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate.”

You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.

“Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you’re back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all.”
“Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn’t know any better, but in the last few days I’ve come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!”

Kong’s remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.

“Well, can’t you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she’s put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she’d let you back in.”
“Don’t think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she’s got a restraining order on me too.”
”What else did you do to her?”
“Nothing! She’s just being a crazy bitch, that’s unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you’ve always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me.”
“Uh, I dunno Kong I don’t really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don’t you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?”
“I’m not staying with him! He’s a fucking fag!”
“Well, beggars can’t be chooser Kong, besides he’s your cousin it’s not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I’m sure he’s got a nice house too.”
“Yeah, I guess…but I’d still prefer to go back to my own home, and I’m not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don’t even have any money in the bank. I don’t want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!”

You normally aren’t one to help someone for no reason, but there’s the fact that you don’t want him living that close to you, you don’t relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.
> You go talk to Joe
“Well, I think it’s a lost cause with your wife, and to be quite honest I don’t want to get caught up in the drama, but I can go talk with your cousin Joe if you want.” You say.

Kong looks disappointed by your remark, and agonizes over making a decision, but finally gives you the okay.

“Alright Wolf, but I don’t like this.”
“You’ll like it even less, if you have to live out here, now gimme the address.”

Kong gives you the address and you go back to your cabin, start up your Harley and ride off. You don’t really have a plan, you’re just going to fumble through as usual, and you just hope Joe doesn’t hit on you.

When you get to the house its very large like you expected, but not overly so. You notice the exterior is kept in very good condition, you have no doubt the inside looks like that as well. You get to the door and ring a doorbell that has been conveniently placed at your height level for normal sized guests.

Joe opens the door and looks down.

“Wolf? Well this IS a pleasant surprise! What brings you here, you perfect specimen of male?”

Well no such luck of him not hitting on you.

“Settle down there Joe, I’m just here to talk about your cousin Kong.”
“Oh. Well what about him?”
“He got kicked out by wife Nancy and now he’s living in a forest near my cabin, so can he stay here?”
“So, Nancy finally threw that scrub to the curb eh? It’s about time girlfriend did that! Even I told her it was a bad idea for her to marry him. Well you have my sympathies Wolf, but I’m not having that homophobe living here! Though if you like YOU can live here!”
“Uh, no. Besides I’m a homophobe too.”
“Yes, but you’re a cute one!”
“So all the GIRLS tell me. Look isn’t there anyway you’d reconsider? I mean he is family and all. I could tell him to behave himself, and he probably would since he really doesn’t want to be living in the wilderness again.”
“Well…I guess, but surely you’ve noticed this place really isn’t built to accommodate his size. He’s a lot bigger than me you know.”

You could kick yourself for not realizing that before. You sigh, but ask if there are any arrangements that could be made.

“Isn’t there anywhere here he could stay?”
“Not unless I had a giant addition built on to my house and I’m not about to do that, I have this house just perfect the way it is.”
“How about your backyard? Don’t you have a large backyard with a garden?”
“Yes I do, and I’m not about to have that lug crushing all my flowers! However there is a nearby cave that’s in the backyard that could accommodate him. But I’m having problems with my backyard in general which I’m trying to fix as we speak.”
“What kind of problems?”
“My garden has been infested with those awful Triffids! Horrid things, making that noise and killing my workers! It’s really ruining my business at this point. I’d get rid of them, but they’re much too nasty for me! Those stingers hurt!”

You already know what he’s going to ask you, so you beat him to it.

“If I get rid of these things can Kong stay in the cave?”
“You’d do that? Oh thank you! And yes, if you saved my garden I’d take my cousin in.”

Well that’s settled, get rid of the Triffids and Kong can stay, now you just have to figure out how to do it.
> You rip them out yourself
You figure Joe wants his garden still intact hence the reason he never used toxic chemicals, you prepare yourself for battle and enter the backyard which is littered here and there with dead human workers. The Triffids instantly sense you and begin to crawl slowly over towards you.

Fighting them isn’t really that hard, Joe probably kept getting stung due to the fact that he’s a larger target and isn’t as fast as you. You easily avoid their stingers and carefully avoid getting surrounded as you turn them into Caesar salad. Soon you’re finished! You knock on the back door and Joe answers.

“All finished Joe.”
“What already? Wow, you’re efficient! Maybe you should stick around to help me on a regular basis.”
“Don’t think so, but nice try. So Kong can stay then?”
“Of course, I keep my word, (Sigh) I’m going to have to hire all new workers though, I’m really going to take a loss this year.”

You turn briefly around and see someone coming out of the cave.

“Hey Joe, looks like you won’t have to hire all new workers, there’s one coming out of the cave, guess some of them were hiding in there huh?”

Joe looks over and another one comes out, then another.

“That’s weird…I thought he was…now wait I know he’s…I saw!”
“What? What’s going on?” You ask.
“I saw those workers die! I saw the damn Triffids kill them right before my eyes! How can they be over there alive!?”

At first you think zombies, but that can’t be it. Then you notice one of the dead bodies looks very similar to one of the ones coming out of the caves, and that’s when you know what you’re dealing with.

“Uh Joe, you got something worse than just a Triffid infestation, you got fucking Body Snatchers! Fucking Pod People man!” you exclaim.

At this point a bunch of them have just come out of the cave and they all look in your direction and let out an ear piecing screech while pointing at you.

“Oh no! Wolf can you kill them too?” Joe asks as they advance.
> You kill the Body Snatcher yourself
“What?! Oh for fuck’s sake, alright you big pussy.” You say and walk towards them while Joe hides in his house.

You clobber a couple of them, and think this is going to be an easy fight, that is until one of them starts talking about the intricacies of tax forms, then another talks about the topic of lint collecting and the details about it. Yet another discusses the fascinating subject of the history of cabinet making…

You’ve never been overwhelmed by such mind-numbing matter! Your energy begins to leave you and your lids begin to get heavy. You fall into a deep slumber which you never wake up from. Soon a doppelganger of you is hatched.

The Boring Snatchers have claimed another victim.


You figure Joe wants his garden still intact hence the reason he never used toxic chemicals, you prepare yourself for battle and enter the backyard which is littered here and there with dead human workers. The Triffids instantly sense you and begin to crawl slowly over towards you.

Fighting them isn’t really that hard, Joe probably kept getting stung due to the fact that he’s a larger target and isn’t as fast as you. You easily avoid their stingers and carefully avoid getting surrounded as you turn them into Caesar salad. Soon you’re finished! You knock on the back door and Joe answers.

“All finished Joe.”
“What already? Wow, you’re efficient! Maybe you should stick around to help me on a regular basis.”
“Don’t think so, but nice try. So Kong can stay then?”
“Of course, I keep my word, (Sigh) I’m going to have to hire all new workers though, I’m really going to take a loss this year.”

You turn briefly around and see someone coming out of the cave.

“Hey Joe, looks like you won’t have to hire all new workers, there’s one coming out of the cave, guess some of them were hiding in there huh?”

Joe looks over and another one comes out, then another.

“That’s weird…I thought he was…now wait I know he’s…I saw!”
“What? What’s going on?” You ask.
“I saw those workers die! I saw the damn Triffids kill them right before my eyes! How can they be over there alive!?”

At first you think zombies, but that can’t be it. Then you notice one of the dead bodies looks very similar to one of the ones coming out of the caves, and that’s when you know what you’re dealing with.

“Uh Joe, you got something worse than just a Triffid infestation, you got fucking Body Snatchers! Fucking Pod People man!” you exclaim.

At this point a bunch of them have just come out of the cave and they all look in your direction and let out an ear piecing screech while pointing at you.

“Oh no! Wolf can you kill them too?” Joe asks as they advance.
> You tell Joe to help you
“Hey look, there’s a lot of them and I just expended energy fighting a bunch of Triffids! This is your business at stake here. Hell you’re two times bigger than me, the least you can do is help!”
“Erm…well…okay, I guess you’re right. I just don’t like violence, I’m a lover not a fighter.” Joe says.

You both walk towards them and get into it. You clobber a couple of them, and think this
is going to be an easy fight, that is until one of them starts talking about the intricacies of insurance forms, then another talks about the topic of button collecting and the details about it. Yet another discusses the fascinating subject of the history of chamber pot making…

You’ve never been overwhelmed by such mind-numbing matter! Your energy begins to leave you and your lids begin to get heavy. Fortunately Joe is there to help you from falling asleep.

“Wake up Wolf! Don’t listen to them!” he shouts while punches out three of them at the same time.
“Huh? Yeah!” you say getting yourself back into the fight.

Eventually you both pound all the pod people back into mulch.

“Man, what a boring fight.” You say.
“I’m just glad its over, I think I ruined my manicure, I’ll have to make an appointment to get another one.”
“Yeah anyway, that should be the end of your plant problems now. You’re not a bad fighter, for someone who claims to be a lover. I’ll just tell Kong he can come over.”
“Hold on Wolf, you did help a lot, I didn’t even know about the Body Snatcher hiding in the cave. Good thing you were here, before they got too powerful. Here’s some money for your help.”
“Hey, thanks Joe. Glad this hasn’t been for nothing.”

You leave Joe to his clean up and ride back home. You then walk back to where Kong is.

“Okay I think you can stay at Joe’s, he’s got a cave in his backyard, you can take up residence in, it’s better than nothing.”
“I suppose so; I just hope he doesn’t pitch a bitch at me if I accidentally step on a couple of his faggot ass flowers.”
“Hey, if you know what’s good for you, you won’t be talking like that around him or else you’ll be getting kicked out again.” You remind Kong.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, well thanks for helping me out. I almost didn’t think you would when I first asked you.”
“What can I say; it’s been that kind of day for me…and it won’t be again for a long ass time if I have anything to do about it.”


You figure Joe wants his garden still intact hence the reason he never used toxic chemicals, you prepare yourself for battle and enter the backyard which is littered here and there with dead human workers. The Triffids instantly sense you and begin to crawl slowly over towards you.

Fighting them isn’t really that hard, Joe probably kept getting stung due to the fact that he’s a larger target and isn’t as fast as you. You easily avoid their stingers and carefully avoid getting surrounded as you turn them into Caesar salad. Soon you’re finished! You knock on the back door and Joe answers.

“All finished Joe.”
“What already? Wow, you’re efficient! Maybe you should stick around to help me on a regular basis.”
“Don’t think so, but nice try. So Kong can stay then?”
“Of course, I keep my word, (Sigh) I’m going to have to hire all new workers though, I’m really going to take a loss this year.”

You turn briefly around and see someone coming out of the cave.

“Hey Joe, looks like you won’t have to hire all new workers, there’s one coming out of the cave, guess some of them were hiding in there huh?”

Joe looks over and another one comes out, then another.

“That’s weird…I thought he was…now wait I know he’s…I saw!”
“What? What’s going on?” You ask.
“I saw those workers die! I saw the damn Triffids kill them right before my eyes! How can they be over there alive!?”

At first you think zombies, but that can’t be it. Then you notice one of the dead bodies looks very similar to one of the ones coming out of the caves, and that’s when you know what you’re dealing with.

“Uh Joe, you got something worse than just a Triffid infestation, you got fucking Body Snatchers! Fucking Pod People man!” you exclaim.

At this point a bunch of them have just come out of the cave and they all look in your direction and let out an ear piecing screech while pointing at you.

“Oh no! Wolf can you kill them too?” Joe asks as they advance.
> You memories (Body Snatchers)
The Pod People: Body Snatchers

Out of all the Alien races you’ve come across, or ANY race you’ve come across for that matter, the Body Snatchers have to be without a doubt the most BORING bunch of beings you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. They have no emotions whatsoever and talk in a monotone voice. They are not fun in any sense of the word and worse they want to turn everyone else like them as well. They’re like intergalactic religious missionaries, but even more boring if such a thing was possible. You can’t imagine what their home planet is like; it must be filled with bureaucrats, accountants and insurance agents.

It’s not even any fun fighting them. They just fall down and die when you kill them. No screams, no yelling, nothing. At most they might say “Ow.” and keel over.


“Well, I think it’s a lost cause with your wife, and to be quite honest I don’t want to get caught up in the drama, but I can go talk with your cousin Joe if you want.” You say.

Kong looks disappointed by your remark, and agonizes over making a decision, but finally gives you the okay.

“Alright Wolf, but I don’t like this.”
“You’ll like it even less, if you have to live out here, now gimme the address.”

Kong gives you the address and you go back to your cabin, start up your Harley and ride off. You don’t really have a plan, you’re just going to fumble through as usual, and you just hope Joe doesn’t hit on you.

When you get to the house its very large like you expected, but not overly so. You notice the exterior is kept in very good condition, you have no doubt the inside looks like that as well. You get to the door and ring a doorbell that has been conveniently placed at your height level for normal sized guests.

Joe opens the door and looks down.

“Wolf? Well this IS a pleasant surprise! What brings you here, you perfect specimen of male?”

Well no such luck of him not hitting on you.

“Settle down there Joe, I’m just here to talk about your cousin Kong.”
“Oh. Well what about him?”
“He got kicked out by wife Nancy and now he’s living in a forest near my cabin, so can he stay here?”
“So, Nancy finally threw that scrub to the curb eh? It’s about time girlfriend did that! Even I told her it was a bad idea for her to marry him. Well you have my sympathies Wolf, but I’m not having that homophobe living here! Though if you like YOU can live here!”
“Uh, no. Besides I’m a homophobe too.”
“Yes, but you’re a cute one!”
“So all the GIRLS tell me. Look isn’t there anyway you’d reconsider? I mean he is family and all. I could tell him to behave himself, and he probably would since he really doesn’t want to be living in the wilderness again.”
“Well…I guess, but surely you’ve noticed this place really isn’t built to accommodate his size. He’s a lot bigger than me you know.”

You could kick yourself for not realizing that before. You sigh, but ask if there are any arrangements that could be made.

“Isn’t there anywhere here he could stay?”
“Not unless I had a giant addition built on to my house and I’m not about to do that, I have this house just perfect the way it is.”
“How about your backyard? Don’t you have a large backyard with a garden?”
“Yes I do, and I’m not about to have that lug crushing all my flowers! However there is a nearby cave that’s in the backyard that could accommodate him. But I’m having problems with my backyard in general which I’m trying to fix as we speak.”
“What kind of problems?”
“My garden has been infested with those awful Triffids! Horrid things, making that noise and killing my workers! It’s really ruining my business at this point. I’d get rid of them, but they’re much too nasty for me! Those stingers hurt!”

You already know what he’s going to ask you, so you beat him to it.

“If I get rid of these things can Kong stay in the cave?”
“You’d do that? Oh thank you! And yes, if you saved my garden I’d take my cousin in.”

Well that’s settled, get rid of the Triffids and Kong can stay, now you just have to figure out how to do it.
> You use more chemical means
You have no idea why the hell Joe hasn’t just gotten some heavy duty weed killer. You tell Joe you’ll be back and zoom off to the nearest hardware store, where you buy a big tank of the stuff with what little money you have.

When you come back you head straight to the backyard where the Triffids sense new fertilizer and begin to slowly scuttle towards you. You put on a mask and begin to spray the area. The toxic gas does its work and the Triffids begin to die, along with every other plant in the backyard, you’ve just destroyed Joe’s garden!

Just then, Joe comes out to see why there’s a toxic cloud in his yard and is horrified by what you’ve done.

“MY GARDEN! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!” Joe cries.
“I killed the Triffids just like you wanted.”
“YOU KILLED MY GARDEN! You fucking idiot! Why the hell did you use poison?! You were supposed to rip them out by hand!”
“Oh so it was okay for me to get stung right? Fuck that, you never said how I was supposed to kill them.”
“It should’ve been obvious not to use poison you goddamn moron!”
”Well shit, I’m not a botanist, how the fuck was I supposed to know.”
“Oh God! My business is ruined! I’m finished! (Sob!)”
“Yeah, um, sorry about that. Look I’m just going to leave now…okay then.”

You leave Joe to his tears and ride back home. You then walk back to where Kong is.

“Okay I think you can stay at Joe’s, he’s got a cave in his backyard, you can take up residence in, it’s better than nothing.”
“I suppose so; I just hope he doesn’t pitch a bitch at me if I accidentally step on a couple of his faggot ass flowers.”
“I don’t think you’ll ever have to be worrying about that Kong.”


“Well, I think it’s a lost cause with your wife, and to be quite honest I don’t want to get caught up in the drama, but I can go talk with your cousin Joe if you want.” You say.

Kong looks disappointed by your remark, and agonizes over making a decision, but finally gives you the okay.

“Alright Wolf, but I don’t like this.”
“You’ll like it even less, if you have to live out here, now gimme the address.”

Kong gives you the address and you go back to your cabin, start up your Harley and ride off. You don’t really have a plan, you’re just going to fumble through as usual, and you just hope Joe doesn’t hit on you.

When you get to the house its very large like you expected, but not overly so. You notice the exterior is kept in very good condition, you have no doubt the inside looks like that as well. You get to the door and ring a doorbell that has been conveniently placed at your height level for normal sized guests.

Joe opens the door and looks down.

“Wolf? Well this IS a pleasant surprise! What brings you here, you perfect specimen of male?”

Well no such luck of him not hitting on you.

“Settle down there Joe, I’m just here to talk about your cousin Kong.”
“Oh. Well what about him?”
“He got kicked out by wife Nancy and now he’s living in a forest near my cabin, so can he stay here?”
“So, Nancy finally threw that scrub to the curb eh? It’s about time girlfriend did that! Even I told her it was a bad idea for her to marry him. Well you have my sympathies Wolf, but I’m not having that homophobe living here! Though if you like YOU can live here!”
“Uh, no. Besides I’m a homophobe too.”
“Yes, but you’re a cute one!”
“So all the GIRLS tell me. Look isn’t there anyway you’d reconsider? I mean he is family and all. I could tell him to behave himself, and he probably would since he really doesn’t want to be living in the wilderness again.”
“Well…I guess, but surely you’ve noticed this place really isn’t built to accommodate his size. He’s a lot bigger than me you know.”

You could kick yourself for not realizing that before. You sigh, but ask if there are any arrangements that could be made.

“Isn’t there anywhere here he could stay?”
“Not unless I had a giant addition built on to my house and I’m not about to do that, I have this house just perfect the way it is.”
“How about your backyard? Don’t you have a large backyard with a garden?”
“Yes I do, and I’m not about to have that lug crushing all my flowers! However there is a nearby cave that’s in the backyard that could accommodate him. But I’m having problems with my backyard in general which I’m trying to fix as we speak.”
“What kind of problems?”
“My garden has been infested with those awful Triffids! Horrid things, making that noise and killing my workers! It’s really ruining my business at this point. I’d get rid of them, but they’re much too nasty for me! Those stingers hurt!”

You already know what he’s going to ask you, so you beat him to it.

“If I get rid of these things can Kong stay in the cave?”
“You’d do that? Oh thank you! And yes, if you saved my garden I’d take my cousin in.”

Well that’s settled, get rid of the Triffids and Kong can stay, now you just have to figure out how to do it.
> You memories (Triffids)
Killer Plants: Triffids

There isn’t much to know about Triffids, they’re basically intelligent plants that like to kill people with their stingers and then use them for fertilizer. There have been questions if they came from spores from a crashed meteor or if they were yet another genetic experiment gone wrong. Given your past dealings with Mad Scientist types and humans in general, you’d say the latter.

Fucking humans never know when to leave shit alone.


No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you’re not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.

“Fuck that Erik, there’s gotta be something else!”
“Well there’s a comic convention that needs another guest speaker…”

You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn’t just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you’re thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.

“What the fuck…how the hell…” you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don’t understand how you couldn’t have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.

“Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!” you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Me? I live just a few miles away! What’re you doing here and how is it that I didn’t see or hear you crashing through the forest?”
“Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be.”
“Okay, but what’re you doing here?”
“Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can’t put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked.”
“Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?”
“She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate.”

You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.

“Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you’re back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all.”
“Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn’t know any better, but in the last few days I’ve come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!”

Kong’s remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.

“Well, can’t you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she’s put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she’d let you back in.”
“Don’t think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she’s got a restraining order on me too.”
”What else did you do to her?”
“Nothing! She’s just being a crazy bitch, that’s unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you’ve always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me.”
“Uh, I dunno Kong I don’t really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don’t you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?”
“I’m not staying with him! He’s a fucking fag!”
“Well, beggars can’t be chooser Kong, besides he’s your cousin it’s not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I’m sure he’s got a nice house too.”
“Yeah, I guess…but I’d still prefer to go back to my own home, and I’m not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don’t even have any money in the bank. I don’t want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!”

You normally aren’t one to help someone for no reason, but there’s the fact that you don’t want him living that close to you, you don’t relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.
> You memories (Kong)
King of Skull Island: King Kong

Not King of the Monsters (That honor belongs to Godzilla) but Kong certainly ranks close. In some ways he has a similar background to yours, he was living in the wilderness before civilization came calling, but was exploited financially more by humans. (Whereas you just blew all your money on wine, women and divorce) Kong never was the sharpest knife in the drawer and from day one when those humans convinced him he could become a star; they milked the gravy train as much as they could. After all monkeys plus movie always equal big bucks (Okay he was really an ape, but nobody cares about technicalities) so Kong being the biggest means he would bring in even more.

Kong did become very popular and famous, but he wasn’t making nearly as much money as he should’ve been. That still wasn’t enough to lead to his ruin, what did that was his self destructive personality. He knew he couldn’t hold his fucking liquor yet he went and did it anyway which would always result in him paying out millions in reconstruction fees and his own hospital bills from multiple biplane wounds. While you’ve never been one to fit into “polite society” your normal size didn’t cause you to commit damage on a massive scale when you got drunk. (Though there was that one time in LA when you were on a two week drinking binge…)

There was also the fact if he thought some woman was pretty, he’d just grab her, which resulted in more legal trouble. He just had a hard time of grasping the concept of dating.

Finally all this trouble was too much even for his agents and all the other humans exploiting him to put up with and they abandoned him finding out that sticking with normal sized monkeys was much easier, so Kong’s career was pretty much finished. He didn’t even have enough money to go back to Skull Island, not that he would’ve been able to live there, since it got turned into an amusement park.

Things looked bleak for Kong until he struck lucky and Nancy took an interest in him and the two eventually married.


No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you’re not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.

“Fuck that Erik, there’s gotta be something else!”
“Well there’s a comic convention that needs another guest speaker…”

You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn’t just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you’re thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.

“What the fuck…how the hell…” you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don’t understand how you couldn’t have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.

“Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!” you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Me? I live just a few miles away! What’re you doing here and how is it that I didn’t see or hear you crashing through the forest?”
“Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be.”
“Okay, but what’re you doing here?”
“Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can’t put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked.”
“Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?”
“She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate.”

You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.

“Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you’re back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all.”
“Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn’t know any better, but in the last few days I’ve come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!”

Kong’s remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.

“Well, can’t you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she’s put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she’d let you back in.”
“Don’t think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she’s got a restraining order on me too.”
”What else did you do to her?”
“Nothing! She’s just being a crazy bitch, that’s unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you’ve always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me.”
“Uh, I dunno Kong I don’t really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don’t you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?”
“I’m not staying with him! He’s a fucking fag!”
“Well, beggars can’t be chooser Kong, besides he’s your cousin it’s not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I’m sure he’s got a nice house too.”
“Yeah, I guess…but I’d still prefer to go back to my own home, and I’m not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don’t even have any money in the bank. I don’t want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!”

You normally aren’t one to help someone for no reason, but there’s the fact that you don’t want him living that close to you, you don’t relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.
> You memories (Nancy)
The 50ft Woman: Nancy Archer

If you were gigantic freak, you certainly would’ve tried to tap that ass, hell if you just had a freakishly gigantic dick, you would’ve tried to tap that ass, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

Nancy was just a normal rich human woman who was stuck in a bad marriage with an abusive cheating husband. The intelligent thing for her to have done would’ve been to leave him, but she had incredibly low self esteem due to his verbal abuse as well. So she just took all his abuse with a smile.

Then one day some alien teenagers were fucking around with their toys on humans as usual and she got hit with some “Giant Ray”. She was horrified at first, but yet liberated. Her new size predictably had given her confidence. She didn’t waste any time, she immediately squashed her two timing abusive hubby and started a new life for herself. She did a few movies, but her main thing was modeling, mainly on those big billboards. Cancer sticks were popular back then so she had all kinds of contracts with cigarette companies. She was also a supporter of women’s’ rights and was also a big feminist.
She invented the slogan “You’ve come a long way baby”

However, despite all her new found freedom and her new life, she was still deep down unfulfilled. For whatever reason, she still wanted someone in her life, she had some suitors, but turned them all down and it was around that time when Kong was down on his luck and they met. It seems strange that Nancy would be interested in him, as he wasn’t the most “enlightened male” (Compared to him, you were considered pretty “forward thinking”) however that might’ve been why she fell for Kong. She felt that she failed at her past marriage by not trying hard enough to change him and just avoided the problem by stomping it into a bloody pulp. Kong was a chauvinist dick, and had problems controlling his anger. This would be her second chance! Apparently Nancy still had some issues.

All of which goes to confirm what you’ve known all along, they can talk all they want about how they want a sensitive guy that does all that romantic shit 24/7, but more often than not chicks always fall for the dick.


No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you’re not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.

“Fuck that Erik, there’s gotta be something else!”
“Well there’s a comic convention that needs another guest speaker…”

You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn’t just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you’re thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.

“What the fuck…how the hell…” you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don’t understand how you couldn’t have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.

“Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!” you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
“Wolf? What’re you doing here?”
“Me? I live just a few miles away! What’re you doing here and how is it that I didn’t see or hear you crashing through the forest?”
“Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be.”
“Okay, but what’re you doing here?”
“Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can’t put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked.”
“Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?”
“She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate.”

You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.

“Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you’re back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all.”
“Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn’t know any better, but in the last few days I’ve come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!”

Kong’s remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.

“Well, can’t you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she’s put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she’d let you back in.”
“Don’t think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she’s got a restraining order on me too.”
”What else did you do to her?”
“Nothing! She’s just being a crazy bitch, that’s unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you’ve always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me.”
“Uh, I dunno Kong I don’t really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don’t you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?”
“I’m not staying with him! He’s a fucking fag!”
“Well, beggars can’t be chooser Kong, besides he’s your cousin it’s not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I’m sure he’s got a nice house too.”
“Yeah, I guess…but I’d still prefer to go back to my own home, and I’m not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don’t even have any money in the bank. I don’t want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!”

You normally aren’t one to help someone for no reason, but there’s the fact that you don’t want him living that close to you, you don’t relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.
> You memories (Joe)
The Sensitive Ape: Mighty Joe Young

After Kong destroyed his own career, some of the humans that exploited him still wanted to go with the giant monkey theme so they had to find a substitute. Someone suggested Kong’s cousin Joe. He seemed like the perfect candidate, maybe he wasn’t as big as Kong, but he was certainly a lot more manageable and calm. He’d do, they were sure of it.

This plan was doomed from the start. First of all Joe wasn’t really interested in acting, he’d rather just live his life in the wilderness. This wasn’t too much of a problem, after all they’d convinced Kong to “embrace” civilization, they could do it with Joe. However, it was apparent that Joe didn’t really want to play a brute similar to Kong. He felt he should be portrayed as a more sensitive being. As a compromise the humans told him that the movie would be made in such a way that the audience would feel sympathy like they did with Kong, but Joe wasn’t buying it. Rewrites and recasts plagued the productions. Joe was also a lot smarter than Kong, they couldn’t exploit him like they could with Kong, he over looked everything they ever tried to make him sign and if he didn’t like it then he’d tell them as much.

The third thing was it was apparent that Joe was erm…a bit light on his feet and it was coming through on the screen. They quite correctly though the public wouldn’t accept this, so they tried to “toughen” up his image by putting the word “Mighty” in front of his name. It didn’t really help since Joe made no effort to hide who he was in public and didn’t really understand why he should. Though nobody was going to say anything, since he was still an incredibly strong 12ft ape, the public wasn’t ready for a “sensitive” monkey. His movies bombed, but he didn’t mind, he made his money and invested it well. The joke was on the humans that tried to take advantage of him.

Last you heard he bought himself a nice home and spends most of time in his private garden tending to his exotic flowers which he grows for his own florist business.


“Oh boo fucking hoo, your latest Opera hasn’t been doing too well lately. At least people are paying to see the goddamn thing! As bad of a composer, and musician you are, you oughta be glad anyone’s even paying to see the goddamn thing! People don’t want to see anything with me in it! And at least you’ve got another job to fall back on LIKE BEING AN AGENT THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING ME A FUCKING JOB!” you snarl.

There’s some dead air briefly and then Erik begins talking again.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be complaining about my problems to you. You of course know all about torment. A war that wages within you, a beast that…”
“Erik I’ve got no time and I’m in no mood to hear how we’re supposed to be kindred spirits, you just better tell me you found something for me and it better not be another guest speaker spot at a comic convention!”
“Well let’s see…I dunno. Werewolves aren’t popular anymore you know…there might be something…here it is! It’s called Wolf Pack.”
“Pack? That implies more than one wolf on the set there Erik. Well I suppose I can share the spotlight with some others. As long as I’m in charge of course.” You say.
“Er…well according to this, you’d be the old cranky grandpa wolf that makes a bunch of rude remarks.”
“What?! What kind of stupid shit is that?”
“Yeah that’s the stuff.” Erik replies not catching on.
“I mean what the hell kind of movie is this?”
“Its uh…let’s see…oh here. It’s a horror comedy about a werewolf family and how they
adjust to human society. Looks like you’ll be playing with a lot of young pups as you’d call them.”
“WHAT?! NO! What the fuck Erik? I’m a fucking monster not something to be fucking laughed at! And they already did a movie like that a long time ago and it sucked!”
“Well that’s all I got. Maybe you could talk to the director to make changes since they also wrote it. I’m sure you and her are familiar with each other. You had an affair with her for quite some time.”
“Uh, you wanna narrow that list down Erik?”
“It’s Mary. You know, the one who used to be married to Frankie, until your affair broke up both of your marriages?”

Erik’s new information didn’t exactly make you any more enthusiastic to want to take the job.
> You memories (Frankie)
The Monster: Frankie

Dr. Victor Frankenstein made Frankie out of the parts of dead bodies as everyone knows, but what wasn’t so well known at the time was he was using many of the parts from a graveyard where they buried insane asylum patients. The brain of an unstable sexual psychopath probably wasn’t the best choice. Even Igor tried to tell him it was a bad idea, but of course Victor knew it all so he went ahead with playing God. Victor probably wouldn’t have named his creation after himself if he knew what Frankie was going to do.

Frankie had a… let’s say unhealthy interest in little girls.

He also was an idiotic bully who would try to push anyone around who was smaller. You’re all for the survival of the fittest ideology and might makes right. Hell you live by it. But you didn’t like the way he acted since he was a real pussy when someone actually stood up to him. You also didn’t like him because when he came on the scene, all of a sudden he was number two. It was bad enough you had to play second fiddle to that fucking bloodsucker, but NOW you were getting pushed out of the spotlight from some child molesting, walking stitch work of corpses. Fortunately he tripped up his popularity somewhat when the public became suspicious of his little “secret”. Yet despite being a sicko, he still somehow managed to draw in the money, you hated even being in the same “rank” as him.

You’ve never liked the undead as a rule, but Frankie was particularly loathsome to you. He always claimed he was “misunderstood” and couldn’t help the way he was. He couldn’t understand why some people hated him and chased him away with pitchforks and attempted to set him on fire.

“Duh, it’s because you’re a goddamn pedophile you sick fuck.” as you so delicately explained one time.


“Oh boo fucking hoo, your latest Opera hasn’t been doing too well lately. At least people are paying to see the goddamn thing! As bad of a composer, and musician you are, you oughta be glad anyone’s even paying to see the goddamn thing! People don’t want to see anything with me in it! And at least you’ve got another job to fall back on LIKE BEING AN AGENT THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING ME A FUCKING JOB!” you snarl.

There’s some dead air briefly and then Erik begins talking again.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be complaining about my problems to you. You of course know all about torment. A war that wages within you, a beast that…”
“Erik I’ve got no time and I’m in no mood to hear how we’re supposed to be kindred spirits, you just better tell me you found something for me and it better not be another guest speaker spot at a comic convention!”
“Well let’s see…I dunno. Werewolves aren’t popular anymore you know…there might be something…here it is! It’s called Wolf Pack.”
“Pack? That implies more than one wolf on the set there Erik. Well I suppose I can share the spotlight with some others. As long as I’m in charge of course.” You say.
“Er…well according to this, you’d be the old cranky grandpa wolf that makes a bunch of rude remarks.”
“What?! What kind of stupid shit is that?”
“Yeah that’s the stuff.” Erik replies not catching on.
“I mean what the hell kind of movie is this?”
“Its uh…let’s see…oh here. It’s a horror comedy about a werewolf family and how they
adjust to human society. Looks like you’ll be playing with a lot of young pups as you’d call them.”
“WHAT?! NO! What the fuck Erik? I’m a fucking monster not something to be fucking laughed at! And they already did a movie like that a long time ago and it sucked!”
“Well that’s all I got. Maybe you could talk to the director to make changes since they also wrote it. I’m sure you and her are familiar with each other. You had an affair with her for quite some time.”
“Uh, you wanna narrow that list down Erik?”
“It’s Mary. You know, the one who used to be married to Frankie, until your affair broke up both of your marriages?”

Erik’s new information didn’t exactly make you any more enthusiastic to want to take the job.
> You memories (Mary)
The Bride: Mary

That entire wedding was an abomination.

After the supposed “accidental” death of a little girl, Victor attempted to correct the problem by creating Mary. He figured if Frankie had a bride he could fuck her instead. Of course she was better made since Victor learned from the mistakes he made in Frankie. (This time he had Igor raid a regular graveyard)

The marriage was brief and embarrassing. Mary hadn’t been alive that long and it was obvious that she didn’t want anything to do with Frankie even though Victor created her with an increased sex drive. And since Victor could be considered the “father” of them both, and he married them to each other…well that just a bit twisted.

Mary didn’t have an identity. She didn’t even have the name “Mary” at that time. She was created solely as a sex toy for Frankie, an unused one to boot, since Frankie still had his sick fetish and didn’t take any interest in her at all. She was very unhappy in her role and pursued intellectual hobbies in her vast spare time. Eventually she took the name Mary after one of her favorite authors.

However, she still had that BIG sex drive. She fucked everyone she could get her hands on behind Frankie’s back. It was only a matter of time before she got to you. And well, despite your prejudice against the undead, and the fact that you were married, and the fact she had a really bad hair-do, she was hot and you’re a big dog…

You and her had very long and passionate affair. You even looked past the fact that she was Undead.
Of course it just happened to be your bad luck to be the one that actually got caught in the act, by Frankie himself one day. Now while Frankie didn’t have any interest in her, he didn’t want anyone else to have her either and since he didn’t like you too much anyway all hell broke loose.

Long story short. You beat the shit out of Frankie, depriving him of some of his vital parts. Victor sued you for vandalizing his “property”. Your bitch divorced you and took everything. And Mary left Frankie for good for that damn bloodsucking bastard until they broke up later as well.

You really don’t like the undead.


You wake up in your cabin in the woods. You sit up and scratch some fleas that have infested your body. You also realize its still daylight. You hate waking up early.

You lope into the bathroom and look in the mirror where you see a canine face covered in gray fur, you remember a time when your fur was completely brown.

“You’re getting old Wolf” you say to yourself like you always do while trying to look on the bright side that at least you don’t have the mange. You think you’d just put a silver bullet in your head if you ever started to go bald.

After eating some left over mutton in the fridge and some Gummy Blobs (for the sugar “pick me up”) you ponder how you’re going to pay this month’s rent on your cabin. You call your agent Erik and see if that little pissant has found any work for you. Hopefully it’s an actual job and not just a guest speaker spot at a comic convention.

“Erik! It’s me Wolf! Pick up the fucking phone! I know you’re there!” you say when you get the answering machine.

“Erik! Get on the phone NOW, or I’m gonna go over there and shove a pipe organ up your ass!”

That got his attention.

“Wolf, I’m sorry, but I fear I’m in a deep depression.”
“What else is new? Look I need some work, got anything? I don’t even care if it’s straight to video. I just need some of the green stuff!”
“Sadly, I don’t think I do, but then I haven’t really checked…I’m so depressed. I’ve been wondering if I made the right decisions in my life…and now it’s too late for me to do anything about it, because I’m old…”
“Join the fucking club Erik! Look do you…”
“But my art, my music, that is my love and its failing me again. My latest opera isn’t doing well. I wonder if I chose the wrong thing to love and pursue. Just like I did with Christine. Oh Christine WHY couldn’t you have loved me? I loved you…”

Wonderful, he’s in full blown tortured artist mode. He can go on like this forever. You can either give up, or persist in getting something out of him.
> You hang up and go to the bar in town
Fuck it, you don’t feel like putting up with Erik’s whining. You’ll talk to him later when you’re in the mood. You hang up and decide to engage in one of your favorite past time ever since you became part of “society”. Drink. You head down to the bar in town.

When you enter you see it nearly empty. Usually there’s someone here that you don’t like which gives you an excuse to get into a fight. You sit down and order a Scotch. The bartender tends to let you just drink and cleans up the mess you make afterwards, but today turns out a little differently.

“Hey Wolf, some people have been wanting to see you.” The bartender says nervously.
“Oh? Do these people have a name?” you ask downing your drink.
“Well they’re in the bar right now actually, I think they’re old acquaintances of yours.”

You scan the bar, which doesn’t take long considering its almost empty. And you’ll be damned you see not one, but THREE people from the old days; you’re surprised you didn’t notice them before.

At a nearby table you see Dr. Henry Jekyll and Dr. Jack Griffin. Jack normally would be difficult to see in this dark lighting at the best of times, since he’s invisible, but he’s perfectly noticeable enough when he wears clothing. They see you and wave you to come over.

At a table in the far corner you see Dr. Alphonse Moreau. He looks like a wreck. He’s obviously been chain smoking cigarettes and drinking a lot since he got here. He sees you and desperately signals you over like he needs your help severely.

While you’re not surprised to see all these humans still alive (Mad scientists ALWAYS figure out how to extend their life spans past the normal human limit) you’re just surprised that they all want to see you and it makes you suspicious. You’ve always been mistrustful of Mad Scientist types ever since your run in with Dr. Victor Frankenstein.

You turn to the bartender for more information.

“What the hell, is there a Mad Scientist convention in town or some shit? Why are they all here and why do they want me?”
“I dunno Wolf. I think its just coincidence. Henry and Jack say they got some sort of experiment going on and want your help on it. They know you’ve been needing some money lately and they’re willing to pay you for your time. I think Henry wants to play catch up with you as well.”
“Hmm, speaking of catch, there probably is one. So why’s Moreau here? Same thing?”
“He wouldn’t elaborate too much. He says he REALLY needs help with something, and it’s not an experiment. He says he gave up trying to play God. I dunno what’s wrong though you’ll have to ask him yourself. He just said, he’s willing to do anything for you if you help him.

Well this venture to the bar seems to have become potentially lucrative; the problem is you have to deal with a bunch of humans with God complexes. (You doubt what the bartender told you about Moreau, his type never gets out of the game completely) You decide to throw caution to the wind and take one of their jobs; you feel you’ll be up to the challenge. After all its common knowledge of what you did to Victor when he tried to take advantage of you once.

All it comes down to is who you want to deal with.
> You go sit with Jekyll and Griffin
Well despite your distrust of Jack, Henry’s always been alright and you could use the easy money. If it doesn’t sound like a good deal to you, you can always decline. You sit down with them both, keeping a constant eye on Jack, well his clothing anyway.

“Hey Wolf, glad to see you, it’s been awhile. I remember when we used to tear up places like this back in the day.” Henry says.
“Yeah, the good old days.” You say agreeing.
“When we were young and a lot more active.”
“Speak for yourself Henry.” You stand up and start punching and kicking. “I’m still active and I’m only as old as I feel which isn’t old at all! I can still… OW!” you get a slight sprain in your back when attempting to demonstrate your “youthful” combat abilities.
“No, Wolf you’re not old at all.” Jack snickers.
“Shut the fuck up Jack, I just haven’t been in a proper fight in awhile, I’m a little out of practice. Say, how about I practice on YOU?”
“Uh, okay calm down Wolf! Jack! We’re not here to antagonize anyone!”
“You’re right so let’s get all this catch up shit out of the way. Wolf, we got an experiment for you that should be right up your alley. It involves you testing those skills you claim you still have.”
“Oh yeah? What kind of experiment is this?”

Henry interjects before Jack can continue.

“Well the government hired us to develop something that increased combat ability. We’ve been testing it on humans and the results have been good so far, however we want to see how good it is, so we wanted to test them against non-human opponents, you came to mind since well you ARE the Alpha Wolf and despite your age, you are probably the best the Werewolf race has to offer as far as combat skills. I figure you’re still worth 10 of the cubs nowadays. Plus I know you like to kick ass and get paid for doing it. You know how the government likes to throw money around when it comes to new weapons, so I figure we can spare five thousand for your help.”
> You accept the job
“I guess you always did know me pretty well Henry. Count me in.” you say.
“Great! I knew you’d be game.”
“Let’s get going, I’m ready.”

You, Henry and Jack enter his car and drive to some nondescript building. The ground floor resembles just a normal abandoned warehouse, but of course you three enter a secret room with an elevator that takes you to a lab area, then you pass through a gym area where you see quite a few ugly overly muscular humans doing some rigorous training while doing a lot of shouting and yelling A lot of them look like they have severe ‘roid rage and that includes the females.

“Huh, sure they all look pretty, but can they fight?” you mockingly ask Henry.
“Well that’s what we’re going to find out. Now the arena area is through that door, you can just enter and the testing will begin. Jack and I will be watching from an upper room. I’ll see you when you’re ready.”

Henry leaves with the rest of the humans and you’re about to enter the arena, but a hand grabs you causing you pull away in a defensive stance. It’s Jack.

“Don’t fucking touch me Jack!” you growl.
“Sheesh, calm down there, I just have to tell you something. Something important.”
“What Jack? I don’t have time for your shit.”
“Yeah, well you’ll be thanking me later. You need to take this.” Jack takes a bottle out of his jacket and hands it to you.
“What’s this?”
“It’s MY invention. Henry hasn’t been telling you the entire truth. He’s setting you up to be killed. He doesn’t have any intention of letting you out that arena until one of his super soldiers kills you, and I guarantee it’ll happen eventually. He’s already got most of them hopped up to the point of being uncontrollable. He’ll probably start increasing the dosage if you start winning against the initial barrage. However if you drink my invention you’ll be able to survive. It’s just like what Henry’s been feeding his Super Soldiers, but without all the side effects. Surely you noticed how ugly and distorted all those subjects were. All he did was make alterations to his original Hyde formula instead creating something new from scratch like I did, yet he claims my invention isn’t good enough.”
“This all smells like bullshit Jack, but assuming you’re telling the truth, why’s Henry doing it and why in this way?”
“I dunno, because he’s a Mad Scientist, and prone to be dramatic I suppose, its just one of our endearing qualities. Plus we really are testing this shit for the government, so its still good research even if it’s doubling as murder. If you want deeper reasons the only other explanation I can give is he’s ALWAYS been jealous of you. Yes, it’s true he did admire you, but he was always jealous of your natural abilities which he had to get artificially, and even then it wasn’t entirely successful as you well know. I can personally vouch for having to hear him rag on you over the years.”

This all sounds pretty suspicious especially coming from Jack who’s known for his double dealing and sneaky ways. The bottle might contain poison for all you know, or maybe he’s just angry at Henry for snubbing his invention and he’s using you as a subject to test it which may or may not be as great as he says. Still, Mad Scientist types have tried to fuck you over before; you can’t help but wonder if Henry is planning what Jack’s claiming.
> You drink the bottle
As much as you don’t trust him, you have to admit Jack has never really done anything against you in all the time you’ve known him. If anything he’s always attempted to be friendly. Is it possible you’ve just been an asshole to him, for no good reason?

Probably, but it wouldn’t be the first time and that’s all in the past. You take the bottle and down its contents.

“(BURP!) I don’t feel any different.”
“Oh you will trust me.”
“I’ve put more than enough trust in you already, better not be trying anything Jack, because I swear I WILL get my revenge on you, if this is a fucking trick!”
“Not a trick, everything I’ve told you is the truth, you’ll see.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.”

When you enter the arena area, it’s just a big empty white room with another door on the other side of it. High above you can see Henry on an upper floor with a clipboard behind some glass. He waves to you and speaks into a microphone.

“Okay Wolf, we’re going to start off slow, this subject hasn’t been injected with as much of the formula so I’m guessing you shouldn’t have any problems with him. Try not to kill him though, since we DO want some of them to survive!”
“No killing eh? Well I suppose there’s a first time for everything, alright Henry, send in the victim.”

No sooner has the human entered the room, and you’ve already run up and drop kicked him in the face! You don’t allow him to get back up, and end up breaking one of his legs by totally destroying his knee. He’s in extreme pain and expresses it vocally.

“Damn Wolf! What the hell!?” Henry shouts.
“Hey you said not to kill him, you didn’t say anything about not breaking bones.”
“Alright, drag him out, and bring in the next one.”

This goes on for the next five fights. If the subjects are supposed to be getting tougher, you haven’t noticed. All you’ve notice is a severe change in the subjects, mainly being bigger and more vicious, they’re starting to not even resemble humans anymore, and in fact they resemble “Mr. Hyde” but even more out of control. But you haven’t even broken a sweat during all of this, it’s like you’re in your prime again. It must be Jack’s formula. Looks like he didn’t lie. You look up where Henry is located and you notice he seems to be ranting and yelling at Jack. He addresses you again.

“How are you doing Wolf?”
“Great! I haven’t felt this good in years!”
“Hmm, well I guess I haven’t been trying hard enough! Wolf, I’m sending three of them in there, try to beat that!”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be testing their fighting skills not mine.”
“No Wolf, I’m supposed to be KILLING you, but you’re too fucking stupid to die properly! Well that ends now!”

Looks like Jack was telling the truth about that too, you attempt to leave the way you came in but, a solid metal door slides from a hidden panel to block your way. Even your increased combat abilities can’t make more than a dent in it. Henry then begins to laugh maniacally and three lumbering hulks come through the opposite door all intent on doing you massive harm.

However, you don’t have any fear about this situation, you’re confident that you can take them and you do just that! You’re literally a whirlwind of fury and violence. Bones are broken, flesh is ripped, faces are bitten and balls are stomped and happily none of them are yours. As you stand over the three large mutilated corpses you look up at the observation area and see only Jack standing there to address you.

“Hey Jack! Let me outta here, I got a score to settle with that fucking pussy Henry!”
“Uh, Wolf, you might want to prepare yourself, Henry said he’s coming down to handle you himself.”
“What as Mr. Hyde? Pfft! Yeah, I’m really worried. He’s nowhere near as vicious as these fucktards were. I had to bail him out of most of the fights he started in the past. Sure he looked scary, still couldn’t fight worth a shit though.”

Suddenly a very large figure smashes through the wall opposite you, its Mr. Hyde and he’s a LOT bigger and uglier than the last time you saw him. He’s easily larger than the last three subjects you just put down.

“WOLF!!!” he bellows.

Okay somebody just overdosed on the “formula”.
> You fight
Yeah, you might be feeling in your “prime” and all, but Mr. Hyde is severely out of your weight class right now. You might be quicker, but all he has to do is hit you once and you’re not that good to completely avoid being hit entirely…

And when you inevitably feel that pile driver like fist breaking every bone simultaneously in your body you know you’ve been hit. You don’t feel the next one reducing you into a thin red furry paste.


As much as you don’t trust him, you have to admit Jack has never really done anything against you in all the time you’ve known him. If anything he’s always attempted to be friendly. Is it possible you’ve just been an asshole to him, for no good reason?

Probably, but it wouldn’t be the first time and that’s all in the past. You take the bottle and down its contents.

“(BURP!) I don’t feel any different.”
“Oh you will trust me.”
“I’ve put more than enough trust in you already, better not be trying anything Jack, because I swear I WILL get my revenge on you, if this is a fucking trick!”
“Not a trick, everything I’ve told you is the truth, you’ll see.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.”

When you enter the arena area, it’s just a big empty white room with another door on the other side of it. High above you can see Henry on an upper floor with a clipboard behind some glass. He waves to you and speaks into a microphone.

“Okay Wolf, we’re going to start off slow, this subject hasn’t been injected with as much of the formula so I’m guessing you shouldn’t have any problems with him. Try not to kill him though, since we DO want some of them to survive!”
“No killing eh? Well I suppose there’s a first time for everything, alright Henry, send in the victim.”

No sooner has the human entered the room, and you’ve already run up and drop kicked him in the face! You don’t allow him to get back up, and end up breaking one of his legs by totally destroying his knee. He’s in extreme pain and expresses it vocally.

“Damn Wolf! What the hell!?” Henry shouts.
“Hey you said not to kill him, you didn’t say anything about not breaking bones.”
“Alright, drag him out, and bring in the next one.”

This goes on for the next five fights. If the subjects are supposed to be getting tougher, you haven’t noticed. All you’ve notice is a severe change in the subjects, mainly being bigger and more vicious, they’re starting to not even resemble humans anymore, and in fact they resemble “Mr. Hyde” but even more out of control. But you haven’t even broken a sweat during all of this, it’s like you’re in your prime again. It must be Jack’s formula. Looks like he didn’t lie. You look up where Henry is located and you notice he seems to be ranting and yelling at Jack. He addresses you again.

“How are you doing Wolf?”
“Great! I haven’t felt this good in years!”
“Hmm, well I guess I haven’t been trying hard enough! Wolf, I’m sending three of them in there, try to beat that!”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be testing their fighting skills not mine.”
“No Wolf, I’m supposed to be KILLING you, but you’re too fucking stupid to die properly! Well that ends now!”

Looks like Jack was telling the truth about that too, you attempt to leave the way you came in but, a solid metal door slides from a hidden panel to block your way. Even your increased combat abilities can’t make more than a dent in it. Henry then begins to laugh maniacally and three lumbering hulks come through the opposite door all intent on doing you massive harm.

However, you don’t have any fear about this situation, you’re confident that you can take them and you do just that! You’re literally a whirlwind of fury and violence. Bones are broken, flesh is ripped, faces are bitten and balls are stomped and happily none of them are yours. As you stand over the three large mutilated corpses you look up at the observation area and see only Jack standing there to address you.

“Hey Jack! Let me outta here, I got a score to settle with that fucking pussy Henry!”
“Uh, Wolf, you might want to prepare yourself, Henry said he’s coming down to handle you himself.”
“What as Mr. Hyde? Pfft! Yeah, I’m really worried. He’s nowhere near as vicious as these fucktards were. I had to bail him out of most of the fights he started in the past. Sure he looked scary, still couldn’t fight worth a shit though.”

Suddenly a very large figure smashes through the wall opposite you, its Mr. Hyde and he’s a LOT bigger and uglier than the last time you saw him. He’s easily larger than the last three subjects you just put down.

“WOLF!!!” he bellows.

Okay somebody just overdosed on the “formula”.
> You escape
Even with your renewed “youth”, you know you’re not going to be able to take Mr. Hyde, not head on at least. You still need to get the hell out of here though and he’s blocking the only exit, but you have a plan. Mr. Hyde predictably charges at you, and puts his giant fist through the wall behind you, collapsing most of it when you dodge out of the way.

Well there was your plan! When he unsuccessfully tries to hit you again, you roll out of the way and run out the opening Mr. Hyde just provided for you. You quickly take a few bricks and chuck them at Mr. Hyde’s face when he attempts to squeeze through, of course that doesn’t do anything except causing a few gashes and making him madder.

“YOU DIE TODAY WOLF!” he says collapsing more of the building in an attempt to get you. You just realized you’re underground, if he continues with this destruction he’s going to end up burying the both of you. You make your way to the elevator with Mr. Hyde in pursuit.

When you get to where the elevator is in sight, you see Jack with a briefcase, busily fiddling with the buttons, he turns to face you.

“Wolf! Watch out behind you!” he yells pointing in your direction.
> You immediately dive to the floor
You don’t think you just act and dive face first in the floor and roll attempting to avoid whatever Mr. Hyde has just thrown at you. The only problem is, he didn’t throw anything; in fact he’s still trying to squeeze through the corridor that’s just a bit too small for him. Meanwhile you were rolling on the floor; Jack nipped inside the elevator and closed the door!

“SONOFABITCH!” You shout and quickly pry the doors open with all your might, but the elevator is already on its way up. Fortunately there is an emergency ladder on the side you can still use, or if you want to risk it the elevator has only just started to ascend, you could grab on to the bottom of it and take it up.
> You grab the bottom
You jump up and grab the bottom as the elevator doors snap shut behind you. You hold on for dear life as you hear the building shake from Hyde destroying yet another load bearing pillar no doubt. The elevator is shaking as well which does concern you since if it suddenly starts to drop, you’re going to be in a BAD position! As you dangle high above, you look down and see the elevator doors you came through being smashed through. Hyde sticks his head in first, then his massive body, and looks up, he sees you.

“DIE WOLF!”

His single mindedness on your death causes him to start digging his massive fingers in the shaft walls to climb after you! To make matters worse the elevator has just stopped, you hear Jack cursing above you. As you look up you notice a service panel on the bottom of the elevator. You could either open and go through that, or attempt to leap to the emergency ladder.
> You leap for the ladder
You leap for the ladder and just barely make it from your awkward position. Hyde is still in pursuit and closing fast. When you start your ascent, the see the figure of Jack jumping on the ladder just above you, he must’ve used the service panel in the roof of the elevator to escape. He must’ve left the briefcase behind in the elevator too since he’s not carrying it anymore. He looks down and pulls out a pistol. He fires several times, but fortunately only hits you in the arm. Unfortunately those bullets are silver and it fucking hurts like hell!

“Argh! Shit! I should’ve known not to trust you, you goddamned invisible bastard!” you yell.

Jack stops firing at you and then starts firing at the main elevator cord hitting it. The elevator is now dangerously dangling by a weakened cord. You quickly climb past the elevator before it falls which it inevitably does. You’re safe, but Mr. Hyde isn’t so lucky. The elevator drops at a good speed that even he can’t stop in his position and knocks him off his shaft climb. Hyde makes a deafening roar as the elevator crushes his body when they both hit the bottom. You don’t know if he’s dead yet, but he soon will be, in any case its one less problem to worry about.

You continue your ascent after Jack, who is now at the top, trying to open the elevator doors. Too bad for him, he doesn’t have enhanced strength like you and is struggling to open them up, while still balancing on the ladder.

“Ha ha, should’ve used your own formula Jack!” you say and grab his leg, digging your claws deeply in.
“Arrrgh! Let go you mangy dog!”
“You shouldn’t have double crossed me Jack!”
“I can see my formula’s made you stronger than I thought, I’ll have to make a note of that after I put an end to you!”

Jack pulls out his pistol again which was a big mistake, as now he’s not holding on to anything and is merely balancing on his legs, one of which you’re holding on to…

You wrench the leg you’ve dug your claws into and pull hard, causing him to fall off.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” he screams as he falls into the dark shaft to his imminent demise.

You continue your escape by prying the elevator doors open and crawl through panting heavily. You lie face up on the ground for awhile just resting. You think the effects of the formula are wearing off. Too bad, you liked feeling “young” again. You do realize the folly of going against your instinct though; you knew you weren’t just being an asshole to Jack for all these years for no reason. You knew he was shady. He might’ve been telling the truth about Henry, but he was just using you as a “subject” just to test his invention and to hopefully kill Henry in the process. Oh well you came out alive and they’re both dead, you won. Though one thing pisses you off.

“Fuck. The money’s buried down there.” You say to yourself.


You jump up and grab the bottom as the elevator doors snap shut behind you. You hold on for dear life as you hear the building shake from Hyde destroying yet another load bearing pillar no doubt. The elevator is shaking as well which does concern you since if it suddenly starts to drop, you’re going to be in a BAD position! As you dangle high above, you look down and see the elevator doors you came through being smashed through. Hyde sticks his head in first, then his massive body, and looks up, he sees you.

“DIE WOLF!”

His single mindedness on your death causes him to start digging his massive fingers in the shaft walls to climb after you! To make matters worse the elevator has just stopped, you hear Jack cursing above you. As you look up you notice a service panel on the bottom of the elevator. You could either open and go through that, or attempt to leap to the emergency ladder.
> You go through the panel
As soon as you open up the panel, you feel a boot to the head. This wouldn’t be able to stop you, but the pistol with silver bullets does. After kicking you in the head, Jack unloads six silvers into your head killing you instantly before your body drops down the elevator shaft, hitting Mr. Hyde and then bouncing off him and continuing to fall until it crashes to the bottom.


You don’t think you just act and dive face first in the floor and roll attempting to avoid whatever Mr. Hyde has just thrown at you. The only problem is, he didn’t throw anything; in fact he’s still trying to squeeze through the corridor that’s just a bit too small for him. Meanwhile you were rolling on the floor; Jack nipped inside the elevator and closed the door!

“SONOFABITCH!” You shout and quickly pry the doors open with all your might, but the elevator is already on its way up. Fortunately there is an emergency ladder on the side you can still use, or if you want to risk it the elevator has only just started to ascend, you could grab on to the bottom of it and take it up.
> You take the ladder
You start climbing the ladder as quickly as you can, its not quick enough though. Hyde eventually bashes the elevator doors open and squeezes into the shaft, upon seeing you on the ladder he climbs up the shaft by digging his massive fingers into the walls. He climbs high enough to grab you off the ladder and squeeze the life out of you until you explode into a mass of blood like a bloated tick.


Even with your renewed “youth”, you know you’re not going to be able to take Mr. Hyde, not head on at least. You still need to get the hell out of here though and he’s blocking the only exit, but you have a plan. Mr. Hyde predictably charges at you, and puts his giant fist through the wall behind you, collapsing most of it when you dodge out of the way.

Well there was your plan! When he unsuccessfully tries to hit you again, you roll out of the way and run out the opening Mr. Hyde just provided for you. You quickly take a few bricks and chuck them at Mr. Hyde’s face when he attempts to squeeze through, of course that doesn’t do anything except causing a few gashes and making him madder.

“YOU DIE TODAY WOLF!” he says collapsing more of the building in an attempt to get you. You just realized you’re underground, if he continues with this destruction he’s going to end up burying the both of you. You make your way to the elevator with Mr. Hyde in pursuit.

When you get to where the elevator is in sight, you see Jack with a briefcase, busily fiddling with the buttons, he turns to face you.

“Wolf! Watch out behind you!” he yells pointing in your direction.
> You sprint for the elevator
You lower your head and make a sprint to the elevator which opens up just as you leap into it. Jack moves out of your way when you do this and then follows you into the elevator.

“Wow Wolf, you just missed getting nailed in the head.” Jack says pressing the button up. He might be invisible, but you can tell by the movement of his clothing that he’s fidgeting a lot. The building is shaking, not to mention the elevator, from Mr. Hyde’s destructive rampage, you seriously hope it makes it to the top.

As the elevator ascends upward, you both can hear Mr. Hyde below bashing the elevator door open.

“YOU WON’T ESCAPE ME WOLF!” you can hear him yell. He’s definitely in the shaft at this point, you can hear scraping and the twisting of metal. It sounds like he’s climbing after you through the shaft, not the emergency ladder!

Suddenly the elevator creaks to a halt. Jack frantically presses the buttons, but nothing works.

“NO! Shit! No! This can’t be happening! He must’ve knocked some sort of power out some how! Wolf there’s a service panel up top, open it up and we’ll escape out that way.”
> You open up the panel
While you turn around to reach the panel, Jack reaches into his coat pocket for a pistol. One loaded with silver bullets. He fires three into your back, then when you fall to the floor in a heap, he puts the final one into your head.

“Sorry Wolf, but you never were anything more than a test subject for my invention. Glad to see it worked very well, you have my thanks… I suppose you can keep this briefcase of money, I’ll make a fortune with my formula after I dispose of your friend Mr. Hyde of course.”

Jack dumps the briefcase on your dead body and climbs through the service panel and hops to the emergency elevator where he fires his pistol at the main elevator cable, hitting it and causing it to dangle a bit and then finally falling. This of course kills Mr. Hyde since even he can’t withstand such a heavy force at such a speed when it knocks him off and then finally crushes him when they both reach the bottom of the shaft.

Jack makes his good escape, makes up a story about you and Henry to discredit him and his work, and finally makes millions of dollars from his formula.


You lower your head and make a sprint to the elevator which opens up just as you leap into it. Jack moves out of your way when you do this and then follows you into the elevator.

“Wow Wolf, you just missed getting nailed in the head.” Jack says pressing the button up. He might be invisible, but you can tell by the movement of his clothing that he’s fidgeting a lot. The building is shaking, not to mention the elevator, from Mr. Hyde’s destructive rampage, you seriously hope it makes it to the top.

As the elevator ascends upward, you both can hear Mr. Hyde below bashing the elevator door open.

“YOU WON’T ESCAPE ME WOLF!” you can hear him yell. He’s definitely in the shaft at this point, you can hear scraping and the twisting of metal. It sounds like he’s climbing after you through the shaft, not the emergency ladder!

Suddenly the elevator creaks to a halt. Jack frantically presses the buttons, but nothing works.

“NO! Shit! No! This can’t be happening! He must’ve knocked some sort of power out some how! Wolf there’s a service panel up top, open it up and we’ll escape out that way.”
> You punch out Jack
You remember an old saying, “A liar is still a liar even when he’s telling the truth.” And despite Jack telling you the truth about Henry, you can tell he still had his own agenda. In fact it’s obvious he was trying to leave you here to rot.

“Hey Jack what’s that?” you say pointing in his direction
“Huh?” Jack replies looking down and around himself.

POW!

You clock Jack in his bandaged face, cracking his sunglasses and knocking him to the floor. You quickly rummage through his coat and find a pistol and check the clip.

“Well, well, silver bullets. I always knew you weren’t to be trusted! Hell, you sold out Henry pretty quickly. You were using me as a test subject for your formula and were probably were hoping me and Henry would end up killing each other. I knew I wasn’t being an asshole to you for all these years for no reason! I bet this is the money I was never going to receive either right?” you open the briefcase and close it when you see it contains the money.
“Alright fine Wolf you got me, but what use is there in really killing me? You can have the money, you can escape. Just let me live, besides you owe me a life! Self serving it may have been; if it wasn’t for my formula, you wouldn’t have survived the arena!”

You better make up your mind either way; you can hear Mr. Hyde climbing closer to your location.
> You kill Jack
“Fuck you Jack, I would’ve survived the arena even without your wonder drug, now how about I make myself invisible too?” and with those words you take off Jack’s cracked sun glasses and shove two claws in where his eyes would be located, you know you got the right spot since you can feel the squish of the ocular jelly and his screams of agony.

While you’d normally finish the job you don’t have time since you hear Mr. Hyde bounding on the bottom of the elevator, making dents in it. You grab the gun and the briefcase and leap up through the service panel in the roof, leaving Jack to writhe in unbelievable pain. Still hearing Mr. Hyde trying to get in, you leap to the emergency ladder, you’re having difficulty holding on to the ladder, the gun AND the briefcase though, and guess which one you accidently drop?

The briefcase of course.

“Goddammit!” you shout as it tumbles from you. “Well someone’s paying for that!”

You point the gun at the main elevator cable and fire, hitting it a couple times. It dangles a bit and then falls onto Mr. Hyde who is in no position to be able to stop it. Eventually the elevator hits the bottom of the shaft with Jack’s dying body inside and crushing Mr. Hyde under it.

You continue your escape by prying the elevator doors open and crawl through panting heavily. You lie face up on the ground for awhile just resting. You think the effects of the formula are wearing off. Too bad, you liked feeling “young” again. You’re also pissed that you dropped the damn briefcase of money. You’d climb down and get it, but you’re honestly too damn tired and can’t be bothered. You’re starting to really feel the pain from all the physical activity you’ve been doing today.

“Damn, I really am getting too old for this shit.” You say to yourself.


You remember an old saying, “A liar is still a liar even when he’s telling the truth.” And despite Jack telling you the truth about Henry, you can tell he still had his own agenda. In fact it’s obvious he was trying to leave you here to rot.

“Hey Jack what’s that?” you say pointing in his direction
“Huh?” Jack replies looking down and around himself.

POW!

You clock Jack in his bandaged face, cracking his sunglasses and knocking him to the floor. You quickly rummage through his coat and find a pistol and check the clip.

“Well, well, silver bullets. I always knew you weren’t to be trusted! Hell, you sold out Henry pretty quickly. You were using me as a test subject for your formula and were probably were hoping me and Henry would end up killing each other. I knew I wasn’t being an asshole to you for all these years for no reason! I bet this is the money I was never going to receive either right?” you open the briefcase and close it when you see it contains the money.
“Alright fine Wolf you got me, but what use is there in really killing me? You can have the money, you can escape. Just let me live, besides you owe me a life! Self serving it may have been; if it wasn’t for my formula, you wouldn’t have survived the arena!”

You better make up your mind either way; you can hear Mr. Hyde climbing closer to your location.
> You let him live
“Alright, you got me in a generous mood, plus there really isn’t enough time for me to kill you properly, but here!” you throw the briefcase at him which he catches. “You’re making yourself useful, carry that, I’LL keep your pistol.”

You exit the elevator through the service panel in the top of the elevator with Jack following behind you. Mr. Hyde is attempting to punch his way through the bottom of the elevator.

You point the gun at the main elevator cable and fire, hitting it a couple times. It dangles a bit and then falls onto Mr. Hyde who is in no position to be able to stop it. Eventually the elevator hits the bottom of the shaft crushing Mr. Hyde under it.

You continue your escape by prying the elevator doors open and crawl through panting heavily. You then pull Jack up while holding them open. Both of you are very tired.

“Damn, I think that formula of yours is wearing off Jack.” You pant.
“Hmm, that’s interesting; I’ll have to make a note of that. Well here’s your money. I suppose this is where we part ways, I guess I should thank you for not killing me and being a good subject for my formula. I anticipate the government will be very pleased with it. More than they would’ve been with Henry’s clumsy formula at least. You really do have my eternal gratitude Wolf.”

“Yeah, yeah, you better get the hell outta here Jack before I catch my breath and change my mind about letting you live.” You say snatching the briefcase.

Jack turns to leave, but you tell him one more thing.

“And Jack…don’t let me catch your scent near me again or you’ll find that invisibility won’t be enough to protect you.”


“I guess you always did know me pretty well Henry. Count me in.” you say.
“Great! I knew you’d be game.”
“Let’s get going, I’m ready.”

You, Henry and Jack enter his car and drive to some nondescript building. The ground floor resembles just a normal abandoned warehouse, but of course you three enter a secret room with an elevator that takes you to a lab area, then you pass through a gym area where you see quite a few ugly overly muscular humans doing some rigorous training while doing a lot of shouting and yelling A lot of them look like they have severe ‘roid rage and that includes the females.

“Huh, sure they all look pretty, but can they fight?” you mockingly ask Henry.
“Well that’s what we’re going to find out. Now the arena area is through that door, you can just enter and the testing will begin. Jack and I will be watching from an upper room. I’ll see you when you’re ready.”

Henry leaves with the rest of the humans and you’re about to enter the arena, but a hand grabs you causing you pull away in a defensive stance. It’s Jack.

“Don’t fucking touch me Jack!” you growl.
“Sheesh, calm down there, I just have to tell you something. Something important.”
“What Jack? I don’t have time for your shit.”
“Yeah, well you’ll be thanking me later. You need to take this.” Jack takes a bottle out of his jacket and hands it to you.
“What’s this?”
“It’s MY invention. Henry hasn’t been telling you the entire truth. He’s setting you up to be killed. He doesn’t have any intention of letting you out that arena until one of his super soldiers kills you, and I guarantee it’ll happen eventually. He’s already got most of them hopped up to the point of being uncontrollable. He’ll probably start increasing the dosage if you start winning against the initial barrage. However if you drink my invention you’ll be able to survive. It’s just like what Henry’s been feeding his Super Soldiers, but without all the side effects. Surely you noticed how ugly and distorted all those subjects were. All he did was make alterations to his original Hyde formula instead creating something new from scratch like I did, yet he claims my invention isn’t good enough.”
“This all smells like bullshit Jack, but assuming you’re telling the truth, why’s Henry doing it and why in this way?”
“I dunno, because he’s a Mad Scientist, and prone to be dramatic I suppose, its just one of our endearing qualities. Plus we really are testing this shit for the government, so its still good research even if it’s doubling as murder. If you want deeper reasons the only other explanation I can give is he’s ALWAYS been jealous of you. Yes, it’s true he did admire you, but he was always jealous of your natural abilities which he had to get artificially, and even then it wasn’t entirely successful as you well know. I can personally vouch for having to hear him rag on you over the years.”

This all sounds pretty suspicious especially coming from Jack who’s known for his double dealing and sneaky ways. The bottle might contain poison for all you know, or maybe he’s just angry at Henry for snubbing his invention and he’s using you as a subject to test it which may or may not be as great as he says. Still, Mad Scientist types have tried to fuck you over before; you can’t help but wonder if Henry is planning what Jack’s claiming.
> You don't drink the bottle
“I don’t think so Jack. I’ve never trusted you and I’m not about to start now. You can shove your invention up your ass and give yourself an enema with it, because I ain’t drinking the shit.”
“Always with the colorful and inventive vocabulary Wolf. (Sigh) Very well, it’s your funeral. You’ll see.” Jack says and walks away.

When you enter the arena area, it’s just a big empty white room with another door on the other side of it. High above you can see Henry on an upper floor with a clipboard behind some glass. He waves to you and speaks into a microphone.

“Okay Wolf, we’re going to start off slow, this subject hasn’t been injected with as much of the formula so I’m guessing you shouldn’t have any problems with him. Try not to kill him though, since we DO want some of them to survive!”
“No killing eh? Well I suppose there’s a first time for everything, alright Henry send in the victim.”

No sooner has the human entered the room, and you’ve already run up and drop kicked him in the face! You don’t allow him to get back up, and end up breaking one of his legs by totally destroying his knee. He’s in extreme pain and expresses it vocally.

“Damn Wolf! What the hell!?” Henry shouts.
“Hey you said not to kill him, you didn’t say anything about not breaking bones.”
“Alright, drag him out, and bring in the next one.”

This goes on for the next five fights. The subjects are getting tougher, but so far you haven’t had too many problems. You’ve notice a severe change in the subjects though, mainly being bigger and more vicious, they’re starting to not even resemble humans anymore, and in fact they resemble “Mr. Hyde” but even more out of control. You look up where Henry is located and you notice he seems to be laughing and joking with Jack. He addresses you again.

“How are you doing Wolf?”
“I’m a little tired, but I’m okay.”
“Okay Wolf, you’ve been doing well against one opponent, let’s see how you do against three.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be testing their fighting skills not mine.”
“Well you’re kicking their asses, so I need to see them at least on equal footing.”
“Who are they supposed to be fighting? If they’re fighting other humans then you’ve succeeded, there’s no way a normal human can beat those steroid freaks I’ve been fighting. I don’t even think most of the alien races, humans have come in contact with could stand up to them. I’d say your formula is a success.”
“Wolf, I’m the scientist here, just a few more tests.”
“Fuck that, I’m done. I’m going home and getting some sleep, I’ll be taking my money now.”

When you try to go out the way you came in, a solid metal door slides from a hidden panel to block your way.

“Don’t think so Wolf, we’re done when I SAY we are!” Henry then begins to laugh maniacally and when a Mad Scientist does that, well it’s never good. And it’s really not looking good when three lumbering hulks come through the opposite door all intent on doing you massive harm.
> You fight
They’re already upon you, so there’s nothing else for it, you’ll have to fight, but you still have a plan to escape.

As soon as the first hulking freak is trying to bash your head in, you dodge and rake him across the eyes. This earns you a flailing backhand to the wall as it roars in pain, but you’ve effectively taken him out of the fight. Now the other two attempt to take advantage of you while you try to recover. You narrowly miss a punch that puts a large crack in the wall.

“Goddamn it, kill the fucking mongrel!” Henry screams.

You run up to the blind subject who’s still wailing and lumbering around swinging at anything. You jump up on its back and hold on as it tries to grab you. The two other freaks decide to tackle the both of you. As soon as the first one lunges into the blind one with a sickening crunch, you leap from him and on to the back of the second freak and then with all your might leap again through the glass of observation area!

“Sucks to be you Henry!” Jack says and runs off in the corner and takes off his clothing in a vain attempt to hide. Henry doesn’t say anything, he just reaches into his lab pocket for something; it’s a vial which he fully attempts to drink from.

Not wishing to deal with Mr. Hyde, you quickly knock the vial out of his hand and grab him by the throat. Henry looks helplessly over at the vial which falls to the floor and shatters leaking out all its contents.

“Got any last words before I rip your fucking spine out?”
“Urg. (Choke) Wait! Don’t you want to know why? See it from my point of view?”
“Fuck no! Besides Jack tried to warn me before all this shit went down, I thought he was lying though. Looks like you turned out to be the treacherous one. Too bad, I thought you were one of the few alright humans I knew.”
“Hold on, we can still work this out, I mean maybe I…”

You silence Henry’s pathetic pleas for mercy, with a quick snap to his neck; you don’t bother doing anything else, since you don’t really feel like wasting any more effort on him. You look down into the arena area where the three subjects have now turned on each other in a spectacularly bloody way. You can still sense someone in the room you’re in.

“Jack! I know you’re here! I might not be able to see you, but you know damn well I can smell your scent!”
”Hey, calm down Wolf, I did try to warn you!”
”Yeah I know and that’s why I’m not trying to kill you too, well that and the fact that I’m too damn tired, maybe later.”

Jack quickly changes the subject away from his possible death.

“Well I suppose you’ll be wanting your payment. You might as well have it, since you did me a favor by killing Henry anyway. Now I can test my own serum, and I won’t have to share the credit with him. There’s a briefcase under the table over there.”

You go over to pick it up, check it and head home where you collapse on your bed. You’ll be feeling the pain from all of this for days.

Still, it beats being a “guest speaker” at a comic convention.