[User] "Then again, as long as I live my life quietly and mind my own business, they won’t bother me anyway.”

[Assistant] “I wouldn’t be too sure… I get the sense that your wish won’t come true, Barusu.”

[User] “Dude, why.”

[Assistant] “Woman’s intuition.”

[User] Subaru didn’t know why, but her comeback was strangely persuasive. Sensing something was amiss, Subaru directed his attention to a newly budding question. “I always wondered about this, but what exactly makes animals and demon beasts different?”

[Assistant] It wasn’t Ram who answered. The familiar voice came from the pendant glowing on Subaru’s chest—flecks of light spilled out, taking the shape of a cat. The palm-sized cat spirit—Puck—floated before Subaru’s eyes, stretching himself as he said, “Oh, that’s simple—their origins of existence are completely different."

[User] "Visually, the distinguishing difference between demon beasts and animals is the horns. And since horned animals also exist, it’s more than just that. Demon beasts always have horns. You should make a note of that.”

[Assistant] “Thanks for the explanation. But aren’t you up a bit earlier than usual?”

[User] “Well, Lia made me promise to look after you. And if I’m in my energy-saving mode, I can be around longer than usual. So fear not, I’ve got your mood-lifting antics covered!”

[Assistant] “I’m a hundred percent certain Emilia tasked you with more than just that.” Subaru frowned. The proudly pontificating Puck jumped onto Subaru’s shoulder, curled into a ball, and slammed into Subaru’s cheek with his tail wagging.

[User] “O great spirit, thank you so much for being so gracious as to accompany us.”

[Assistant] “Mmm-hmm, no problem. I’m sure Lia likes to stretch her wings while her parents are gone now and then.”

[User] “Oh, the considerate gentleman angle? And huh, I’m surprised to hear you speak so politely with Puck, Ram.”

[Assistant] “It’s just an act,” she assured him.

[User] “So honest, so direct—I kinda like that,” Puck said graciously.

[Assistant] Subaru smirked and shook his head. Now that he thought about it, they made quite a strange tableau. This particular grouping had not happened a single time before at the mansion. “I just hope we don’t turn into the Three Stooges… Emilia told you what our mission is today, I assume? Thanks for helping.”

[User] “Yeah, I’ve got your back,”

[Assistant] “If it starts raining, don’t hesitate to spread me out and use me to keep out the rain.”

[User] “Okay, one, that’s an extremely specific use, and two, you’re too small. I’d still be dripping wet.” Subaru sighed as he pictured himself holding a soaking-wet cat over his head. “By the way, Ram, the trail is starting to look legit wild now… Do you know how to tell where these ingredients are?”

[Assistant] “That’s a stupid question. Just how many times do you think I’ve come up this very mountain to gather the ingredients?”

[User] “Based on your daily job performance, I’m worried that you make Rem do it for you.


[User] "Anyway, do you at least have a map or something so I’ll know where they might be?”

[Assistant] "I’ll draw my own map in my mind. Then we’ll talk.”

[User] “In other words, it’s a rule of thumb sorta thingy. Understood, master.” One of the ingredients was classified, the locations were in Ram’s memory only, and Subaru was useless both in a fight and in knowledge. So why—why was he even there?

[Assistant] "I’m a packhorse and comic relief…?” As Subaru pondered his role—responsibility aside—

[User] “Oh, if it’s comic relief, I’m in the running! Heh-heh, let’s compete to see who’s better.” His voice was so carefree that Subaru tilted his neck and smashed the spirit with his head.

[Assistant] “Mee-yahhh!”

[User] “Ooh, that feels good. Yah, yah!”

[Assistant] “Mya! Mya! Mya!” The fur felt so good brushing up against his cheek that Subaru kept hitting his head against the yowling Puck as he stumbled up the awkward mountain trail—

[User] “Argh…” —completely unaware that Ram sighed in frustration at their lack of vigilance.


[Assistant] After that, the Three Stooges encountered a barrage of problems on their adventure. Subaru carelessly touched the plant that makes your skin swell, tripped on mossy rocks and fell, cut his hand with his Shooting Stars while trying to harvest the mushrooms, and slipped while climbing the bolk tree. He fell straight to the ground and, after giving a stellar performance in an action-packed drama, our protagonist was nearly sobbing. Without Rem’s little magic trick, he probably would have been painfully wallowing in a puddle of his own tears by then.

[User] “Rem is the absolute best. How could she know all this was gonna happen to me and give me some helping words…”

[Assistant] “If you ask me, I can’t help but feel sorry for Rem for the fact that you made all her worst worries come true. How can you so precisely ignore every single warning she gave you?”

[User] “Hold up, don’t be so quick to judge! For starters, I didn’t ignore her warnings. I tried really hard but fell short! Don’t obsess over the results—gimme some credit for trying!”

[Assistant] “But results are everything.”

[User] “Fine, fine, I’m so very sorry.” His whole body was covered in a thin layer of dirt, and Subaru sat as Puck administered first aid to his scrapes. It was a surprising turn of events—he didn’t know Puck could use healing magic.

[Assistant] “I was the one who gave Lia her first lessons in spirit magic, you know?”

[User] “Then again, I don’t have much aptitude for healing magic, so I can’t cure wounds as well as Betty. But a scrape like this? Ten minutes’ rest will be plenty.”

[Assistant] “Thanks, man. Sorry I made you use up your MP when you’ve got a time limit.”

[User] “Don’t worry, if I suddenly disappear, you’ll be in more trouble than me—and it’ll serve you right.”

[Assistant] “So you won’t bother to stay longer than necessary—thanks, message received.” His knee and elbow scrapes were now healed.


[User] Subaru gave the flying ball of floof a grateful high five.

[Assistant] Ram side-eyed them as she crouched beside a tiny creek far too quiet to be called a proper mountain stream.

[User] “The path was treacherous, but at least we secured our ingredients,” he said. “We somehow managed to get the mushrooms and the fruit seeds, and we already know where the flowers are. We’re in surprisingly good shape.”

[Assistant] “I thought I told you it wasn’t dangerous, Barusu. You just made it more difficult than it needed to be.”

[User] “Urrrg—I can’t argue with that…”

[Assistant] As he rinsed his swollen right hand in the cool creek and patted the dirt off his tracksuit, he had only just gotten himself back to the state he was in when they first set out. Just as he rinsed off the Shooting Stars he’d used to forage the mushrooms, he said, “While we’re here, I might as well map out this river.” Eyeing the bends of the river, Subaru pulled a sheet of paper and something similar to a crayon out of his pack. Then he began sketching. His crayons only came in basic colors, but his drawing of the river was still well done. And he didn’t forget to jot down little notes in Japanese here and there.

[User] “You’ve been doing that ever since we got on this mountain. What kind of game is that?”

[Assistant] “It’s not a game. It has a purpose!” Subaru rebuked the peeping Ram as he fished for his lunch parcel. He then thrust the fresh drawing in her face and said, “Look, it’s a map. When a person explores uncharted territory, he draws a map. If there’s documentation of where everything is, future travelers can avoid falling into the same traps, y’know?”

[User] “Well, that’s clever. But will this map ever need to be used? If I run out of tea, I’ll just come up here to get more ingredients myself. Rem can, too, if I just tell her what I need.”

[Assistant] As Ram questioned the necessity for the map, Subaru rolled it up with a sheepish smile. “Just a hypothetical…” Subaru began.

[User] “What kind of hypothetical?”

[Assistant] “Let’s say you run out of tea again and you’re so sick you can’t get out of bed. And, by coincidence, Rem is away and Roswaal is out somewhere, too. So, oh, goodness gracious me, you’d have nobody to ask for help!


[User] “If that happened, I could use this map to get your ingredients.” It really was a one-in-a-million scenario—a remedy that should only be used as a last resort. “If this map gives us insurance and peace of mind, it’s served its purpose.”

[Assistant] It didn’t matter if it never needed to be used. However, on the off chance it was needed, Subaru would be grateful to his past self for making it. He made the lifesaving tool, hoping it would never need to be used. That paradoxical clash of logic and sense of purpose existed in many things.

[User] Ram fell silent in thought. She looked faintly surprised.

[Assistant] Subaru scratched his head, baffled by the uncharacteristic reaction. The declaration he had just made could be rather embarrassing if taken the wrong way. “W-well, anyway! I’m just making this so if I get lost, I’ll be able to make it home in one piece. When you put survival first, you’ve gotta take on your fair share of hardships.” Babbling quickly to cover his embarrassment, Subaru slid the rolled-up map into his back pocket. When he returned to the mansion, he would need to make a clean copy of it, including his notes in Japanese. Even though this was his first time making a map outside a game, it was at least serviceable. A mediocre attention to detail was one of the underconfident Subaru Natsuki’s strong suits.

[User] Clapping his hands to reset the mood, Subaru said, “Okay, let’s eat lunch. If I don’t eat something fast, my stomach’s gonna stick to my spine!”

[Assistant] “Fair point—yes, let’s have lunch.” She proceeded to pull out a parcel. Then, after a few moments in silent thought, she said, “Since you were uncharacteristically thoughtful, Barusu, I’ll give you a little reward.”

[User] “Uh, what’s with the ‘uncharacteristically’ bit? You’re making me nervous—downright queasy, so I’d rather not get your reward.”

[Assistant] “Oh dear, my horn scar is suddenly throbbing with pain. I think I might have a fever, too.”

[User] “Way to use my goodwill against me! Okay, fine! I’ll take your damn reward! Hit me with your best shot!”

[Assistant] “No need to howl at me. I was just going to give you the largest share of lunch.” In her left hand, Ram held up the wrapped food parcel to the wishy-washy Subaru. It was about the size of a child’s fist, and upon seeing it, Subaru sighed in relief.

[User] “Way to freak me out. I had no idea what you meant. But that’s a perfectly acceptable size—in fact, it’s basically a normal size.”

[Assistant] “True. Anyway, this is yours.” And just as Subaru’s guard lowered, Ram took the actual parcel that she had been hiding with her right hand and shoved it into his face. Seeing it was the size of a child’s head, Subaru was speechless.

[User] “And by the clumsy shape, this one was unmistakably made by Emilia.”

[Assistant] “Thanks, Captain Obvious!"


[User] "Dammit, when she said, ‘Since I can’t stand to keep it a secret, I’ll tell you I’ve included a special treat of my very own,’ I knew she was full of it! She was never gonna keep that a secret! Not in a million years!”

[Assistant] He had initially envisioned Emilia standing beside Rem and just squeezing the rice balls, but his assumption was wrong. It had to be. If this is what Emilia ended up with despite working alongside Rem, then he dreaded to think about what an entire home-cooked meal might look like if Emilia was in charge. With a glimmer of hope in his heart, Subaru took a bite. But in his line of vision, he could see the spirit shaking his head.

[User] His eyes distant with resignation, "Lia is adorable. Maybe that’s enough to excuse her from anything.”

[Assistant] “Dammit all, I know the feeling!” Subaru cursed, deciding to bite the bullet and face reality. Still, it was hard to believe that a rice ball’s flavor could change so much depending on the hands that shaped it.

[User] Just to be sure, he took a bite of Rem’s rice ball first to get a taste of her consideration before challenging his tastebuds with Emilia’s rice ball. “It’s—heavy.” The mass on his knees was intensely dense. It was dense enough to deny the very concept of rice balls that existed in his mind. He took a deep breath and reached for the rice ball. Giving it a thorough looking-over—

[Assistant] “Wait…there’s another wrapper underneath?” Taking the plunge and removing the wrapper, he found another piece of paper protecting the rice ball. She had probably made the rice ball so big that one piece of paper wouldn’t hold it together. It wasn’t until she had layered paper upon paper that the rice ball’s gargantuan mass was successfully contained.


[User] It was no different from containing a powerful monster with layers upon layers of barrier spells. “Anyway, what’s inside…” Annoyed by his train of thought, Subaru unwrapped the rice ball to look at its insides. He wrestled with the papers, ripping them off one by one, yet failing to reveal the rice ball inside until—

[Assistant] "—Oops."

[User] Once breathless in anticipation...

[User] ... They grunt in unison. In his attempt to rip off the stubborn final layer of paper, the rice ball spilled onto Subaru’s lap. The firm sphere bounced off the ground and rolled away.

[Assistant] “Wait, come back!” Subaru jumped to his feet and stumbled after the rolling rice ball. It was as if the old folktale The Tumbling Rice Balls had come to life. It was a freakishly perfect reenactment. Just as the rice ball hit a slope and began to accelerate, Subaru sprang at it, his fingertips just barely catching it before it rolled downhill. He sighed in relief—but only for a moment.

[User] “Huh?” His leg suddenly floated, sending him into the air. A look down revealed a sudden steepness in the path beneath him, and the word avalanche popped into his brain. It was a perfect reenactment of the folktale—in a wrong way, of course.

[Assistant] “Barusu—!” Hearing Ram’s frantic voice behind him...

[User] ...Subaru fell straight backward down the sudden slope, clutching the rice ball to his chest. At least the grass is softening the blow—he thought to himself as he screamed.


[Assistant] “When I started falling, I thought I was a dead man…” Subaru muttered.

[User] “So did I,” Puck said. “But I’m glad you didn’t die. And I established a mental link with the pink-haired girl.”

[Assistant] “Your ability to fly saved my ass… Y’know, I wouldn’t have minded if you’d picked me up and flown.”

[User] “I was worried I’d just pull your hair out.”

[Assistant] “Why would you pick me up by my hair?! There are better ways!” Sniping at each other, Subaru and Puck were en route to rendezvous with Ram. Right after Subaru finished tumbling, he grabbed ahold of Puck, who had flown down to see if he was dead. Using the spirit as a go-between, Subaru and Ram worked out where they would rendezvous. Ram had proposed descending the slope to meet him, but having experienced how steep it was firsthand, Subaru had advised her to avoid it.

[User] “If I just climb back up the slope, I should be able to find you just fine,” Subaru argued. “I don’t want to put you in any danger if we can avoid it.”

[Assistant] “Okay, I mimicked your tone and delivered the message,” Puck said. “Wanna hear what she said back?”

[User] “Hah!” Subaru scoffed, mimicking Ram’s condescending tone flawlessly.

[Assistant] “Whoa, you sounded just like her!” Puck applauded in awe.


[User] Subaru gave himself a satisfied smirk.

[Assistant] "By the way—did you manage to eat the rice ball Lia made?"

[User] "Yeah, the inside part survived. And as gross as it looked, it actually tasted good. And knowing that Emilia shaped it by hand gave it a special flavor…"

[Assistant] "Maybe I’ll help form the rice balls next time. Think you can guess which ones I made?"

[User] "Wouldn’t that be too easy? All the furry ones would be yours."

[Assistant] It was a silly conversation, but it was all Puck’s way of keeping Subaru calm. They had been walking uphill to rendezvous with Ram for nearly two hours—and while they had significantly risen in elevation, the forest was getting darker and darker around them. And Subaru’s head swam with the sneaking suspicion that they were going the wrong way. Just after he exhaled in exhaustion, Puck’s voice on his shoulder hit his ear.

[User] "Subaru—stop." The sensation of the spirit’s breath stopped his own breathing and tensed his hands and feet. Meanwhile, an eerie noise tickled Subaru’s eardrum. His body instinctively recoiled—it was the sound of a predator hunting its prey. Then the source of the sound slowly emerged from the bushes in front of Subaru. Its body was covered with moist, green scales, and the bloodcurdling growls came from a mouth lined with sharp fangs. But most distinctive were the two sets of red eyes shining out from the darkness. The twin-headed snake glared at Subaru. And growing from its heads were short, white horns.

[Assistant] "A demon beast…impersonation done by a smart snake, maybe?"

[User] "An amusing interpretation, but no, that’s a demon beast. A two-headed snake. It’s surprisingly aggressive—poisonous, too."

[Assistant] "A two-headed snake…but it’s not quite what I imagine a two-headed snake would look like." The demon beast before him did not have a long body with two necks growing from it. It was more simply constructed: a long body with a head on either end. It was indeed two-headed. Its name was not incorrect.

[User] "I wouldn’t call that a two-headed snake—I’d call that a double-sided snake. How does it even poop?"

[Assistant] "As a rule, demon beasts absorb their food and convert it to mana, so they don’t defecate."

[User] "Dang, they’re just like pop idols. And they’re giving a big middle finger to the food chain." Though Subaru acted confident, his instincts were screaming as he beheld the two-headed snake before him. The demon beast was about seven feet long, about thirty feet between it and Subaru. It was a distance the demon beast could probably cross in one breath.

[Assistant] "I didn’t ask earlier, but can you fight today, Puck?"

[User] "He-heh, a demon beast like that? Easy-peasy. The only potential difficulty is, since Lia isn’t here, I might not be able to chat with you anymore after I kill it."

[Assistant] "Since I’d rather that than be dead, by all means, kill it, Professor."

[User] "If I must, I must."


[User] "I shall live up to your expectations and—wait a minute.” While they were talking, the body and eye color of the two-headed snake changed.

[Assistant] Dyed in attack colors, the demon beast gave a giant lurch of its body, ready to spring at Subaru—

[User] “Fura—!” Then, the next moment, a gust of wind slashed the snake in two.

[Assistant] As Subaru watched in shock, the demon beast died without uttering so much as a whimper. As the demon beast spurt blue-green blood, Subaru looked at his bag.

[User] The little cat shook its head.

[Assistant] “Woman’s intuition strikes again.” Ram emerged from the bushes where the demon beast had appeared and got in the punchline.

[User] “Thanks, Ram…you saved me.”

[Assistant] “Did your map help?”

[User] “Ah, how fleeting my joy over our reunion. Your spicy sass is glorious as always, Ram.”

[Assistant] With a snort at Subaru, who had flopped onto the ground in relief, Ram shut away her staff and approached the two-headed snake corpse. Then, after a thorough examination of the demon beast—

[User] “D-dude! What’re you doing?”

[Assistant] “What else? I’m accomplishing our mission. Though this was exactly what I was aiming for, you sure made it easy, Barusu.” As she spoke, Ram cut off part of the snake—the section by its front head—and ripped a sort of white crystal from it.

[User] “It’s a pure mana crystal formed in a demon beast’s body. And this one’s much bigger than I could have hoped for.”

[Assistant] “So that’s your fourth ingredient? A venomous snake’s innards—worse than I could’ve imagined.”

[User] As a satisfied Ram collected her ingredient, Subaru despaired that his worst fears about their quest had come true. That explained why Ram had kept her mouth shut. If Subaru had known demon beasts were on the list, he would have been more cautious—

[Assistant] “Ah! Now I know the real reason why you brought me along! You used me as demon beast bait to lure the venomous snake to me!”

[User] “For once, you’re quick on the uptake. And thanks to you, I could secure in half a day what would have ordinarily taken me several days. You did well. Credit where credit is due.”

[Assistant] “You little…” Ram’s lack of remorse beyond the pale, Subaru’s blood boiled with rage. Subaru and Ram once ventured into the forest together to rescue Rem. So, of course, Ram knew about Subaru’s particular constitution and how vulnerable he was. Yet she had taken advantage of that and pushed Subaru past the barriers to lure demon beasts to her. It was downright deceptive—

[User] “No, wait a minute—just when did I cross over the barrier anyway?” Noticing the preconditions were strange, Subaru looked at Puck.

[Assistant] Puck flinched at Subaru’s suspicious stare.

[User] “Mmmm, so you found out, I guess?


[User] “Listen, Subaru—”

[Assistant] “Mighty spirit.” But Ram cut him off.

[User] Subaru noticed something was amiss, but Ram took no notice and turned to start walking. Then she suddenly wobbled.

[Assistant] “Whoa, Ram!” Hastily reaching out to grab the staggering Ram, Subaru was shocked by how hot she was to the touch when he caught her. Upon closer glance, her forehead and neck were drenched with sweat. “It’s just like that time with the Urugarum—you used up too much mana! Ram!”

[User] “I’m fine…no big deal. Let me go.” She seemed arrogant rather than healthy.

[Assistant] Before she could complain, Subaru scooped her into his arms. She was light as ever. And her body was still burning up.

[User] “Lascivious.”

[Assistant] “Just shut up and let me carry you! Hey, Puck! Put those ingredients in my pack for me! Then take me to the bolk tree. You can use my map…you know the way, don’t you!”

[User] “Well, you did discover my evil plan, after all. All right, all right, your wish is my command…”

[Assistant] With the disgruntled Ram in his arms, Subaru took off running behind Puck as he flew. He ran without paying attention to his surroundings, branches scraping his legs and shoulders. Subaru’s skin was covered in countless cuts as he ran. This would have happened to anybody who ran single-mindedly like that. So it was inevitable a multitude of red marks would also cover Ram’s pale skin as he cradled her in his arms.


[User] “In other words, Ram never intended to use you as bait, Subaru. She just wanted to walk you close to the barrier to lure out any old demon beast. But then you had to go and tumble after a rice ball and cause a big scare.”

[Assistant] Subaru’s party returned to the mansion at suppertime as predicted. But it need not be stated that a peaceful supper was not exactly in the cards when they came home in their battered state.

[User] “I think it’s because Ram used Clairvoyance to look for Subaru all that time—that’s what depleted her mana.”

[Assistant] “Well, why were you helping Ram with her plan anyway?”

[User] “Because she asked me to. And I didn’t help her, exactly. All I agreed to do was help you if you got in a bind. Just an extension of Lia’s request. Then again, Lia’s rice ball got us in this mess in the first place, so I’m sorry about that.” The spirit, who had pushed himself to be their navigator right up to his time limit, disappeared after he explained the truth to Subaru. Night had covered the sky outside long ago, and the spirit was sure to oversleep the next day after putting in overtime that evening. If Subaru had his way, he would have collapsed into bed that very minute, but unfortunately, since the bed closest to him already had someone sleeping soundly in it, his wish would go ungranted.


[User] "Well, I had to get in at least one complaint to quell the anger churning in my stomach," Subaru said, looking at Ram asleep in bed and scratching his head.

[Assistant] Subaru arrived with an unconscious Ram in his arms, the mansion residents all went into a tizzy.

[User] Subaru was also urged to go to bed, but he found it hard to return to his room.

[Assistant] Subaru wouldn’t feel better until Ram woke up and he could dump his complicated feelings on her.


[User] Ram’s eyes cracked open. She turned to look at Subaru seated at her bedside, and the first thing she said was—

[Assistant] "—Lascivious."

[User] "Um…just FYI, I did get Rem’s permission." With a side smirk at her stereotypically sharp tongue, Subaru patted his chest and said, "As you can see, I’ve brought us safely back to the mansion. I also gave Rem the ingredients we gathered. Also, by the way, the map I made played a key role in getting us home. You can never be too prepared, as they say."

[Assistant] The crude map Subaru had drawn had almost immediately come in handy.

[User] "Well, if we had gotten lost, Puck’s flare would have brought Rem flying to our rescue…but given what happened, I think it’s time to admit that maps are useful. Also, it’s time you trust your companions. Don’t turn them into bait without their permission."

[Assistant] "...But that was the most efficient method. If you’ve got a complaint, out with it."

[User] "I won’t complain. Mostly because I think that would have a bigger effect on you right now, Big Sis."

[Assistant] Ram’s cheek twitched ever so slightly on the pillow as she side-eyed Subaru.

[User] With a light, smug smile, Subaru relaxed into his chair in satisfaction.

[Assistant] "Puck filled me in on most of the details," Subaru said. "It pissed me off, but I won’t say anything about it."

[User] "As a rule, most spirits are dutiful and tight-lipped…but knowing that great spirit makes me question the notion. I won’t ever rely on him again."

[Assistant] "Hey, go easy on the guy. His tourist-like nature helped us out back there…" Shrugging at Ram’s contempt for Puck, Subaru stood and said, "Ah, I’d better go tell Rem you’re awake."

[User] "Wait, Barusu.


[User] "I have a request…make that an order."

[Assistant] "Way to kill a guy’s motivation… Anyway, what do you want?"

[User] "There’s a white bundle in the back of that desk drawer. Use that to make a pot of tea. Make enough for both you and me."

[Assistant] Subaru followed Ram’s instructions and opened the door to find a white bundle buried in the drawer. It was a tea sachet. And inside—

[User] "Wait a minute, is this your special tea?"

[Assistant] "Of course, I keep a spare just in case. Now go."

[User] Unable to say no to her intimidating aura, Subaru wondered why he had to suffer in vain that day as he made his way to the dining hall. He boiled a pot of water and got the tea ready. He realized then that while Rem handled most of the chores, Ram had taught him how to make tea. That showed just how particular she was about tea.

[Assistant] "Here, Big Sis, your order of snake liver tea."

[User] "Not snake liver. When I made this batch, it was dog intestine."

[Assistant] "Same difference." For something that smelled so warm and fragrant, it had the most hideous ingredients. Subaru poured the tea into two cups and handed one to Ram, who had sat up in bed. Subaru took the other cup and sat in a chair. It smelled quite sweet. From the aroma, you would never guess it was made from poisoned fruit seeds, powdered mushrooms, carnivorous flowers, and a crystal from a demon beast’s innards—

[User] "I know this is weird to say after I went through the trouble of brewing this, but now that I know what’s in this tea, I’m not at all thirsty… For that matter, how are there leaves in this tea when none of the ingredients are leaves?"

[Assistant] "I boil the ingredients into a reduction and pair it with tea leaves to my liking. It still qualifies as tea, so relax."

[User] And with that, Ram took a sip without hesitation.

[Assistant] Trapped, Subaru followed suit. The hot aroma slid past his tongue and spilled out his nose. The rich tea was so palatable that it was hard to believe it contained dog intestines and various other poisons.

[User] "Maybe we owe the good flavor not to the tea but to my improved brewing skills?"

[Assistant] "Don’t be silly. You brewed it so horribly that all its subtle notes are lost. You made the water too hot, and you don’t even pour it right."

[User] Pelted with an onslaught of sassy hubris, Subaru drank his tea with a constrained frown on his lips. While the tea was palatable, he couldn’t bring himself to like it. He still had a child’s palate.

[Assistant] "Agh, I wish I had a cola instead. Isn’t there some way we can make fizzy drinks here…"

[User] "I’ve never heard of that drink.


[User] "If you can find a recipe, you could ask Rem to make some.” "Nah, its ingredients are pretty fishy, just like mayonnaise—actually, more than mayonnaise.” Subaru had undergone a succession of hardships in the pursuit of replicating the flavor of his home, which was now a distant memory. It required fresh eggs, quality oil, and the right flavor balance of vinegar, salt, and pepper, as well as patience. After several experiments with Ram and Rem, the successfully replicated mayonnaise became a staple in the Roswaal Manor kitchen. As a mayo freak, it would be no exaggeration to say that bringing mayonnaise into another world was a feat of unparalleled accomplishment to Subaru. “Then again, I’m just your average mayo freak. Having unparalleled isekai knowledge is still a distant dream.”

[Assistant] “I’m sure you’re just spewing nonsense, Barusu, but I got the part where you’re useless at making your dreams come true.”

[User] “I’m useless, eh? Strong words…but accurate.” Subaru smiled sheepishly, because Ram was right. Frustrating was probably the apt word here. And as Subaru reflected on himself, Ram narrowed her eyes and scrutinized him. Then she tilted her teacup again, wetting her lips and tongue with the liquid inside.

[Assistant] “I don’t know about a taste of home…but your lack of a taste for tea is the mistake of a lifetime.”

[User] “Oh, I have a taste for tea—it just tastes like leaves.”

[Assistant] “The inability to enjoy tea is the loss of a lifetime.”

[User] “Is that all life is to you?! Tea? !”

[Assistant] Sighing over Subaru’s shocked outburst, Ram’s red eyes glanced sideways at Subaru. “That’s right. And since you’re so pathetic, Barusu…I’ll have to teach you how to brew a proper cup of tea.” With that declaration, Ram quietly brought her teacup to her lips. And as her promise to personally teach him the art of tea echoed in his mind, Subaru distinctly felt his expression grow softer. He didn’t understand why. She still hadn’t even apologized for what she had put him through that day. But he got the sense that he didn’t mind. Because the closeness between them felt good at that moment. That pesky level of closeness, where they didn’t quarrel, apologize, or even exchange promises of anything significant. With such a relationship, he could look forward to the opportunity to drink a tea he didn’t even care for. That was the thought that filled Subaru’s mind that evening as the tea’s aroma floated in the air.


[User] The air was tense in the parlor. Everyone held their breath and quietly bore witness to the scene.

[Assistant] The sweaty-foreheaded Subaru stared at Beatrice and Puck.

[User] The brow-wrinkled Beatrice stared at Subaru and Puck.

[Assistant] The ear-twitching Puck stared at Subaru and Beatrice.

[User] Emilia and Rem watched over them with worry and confusion in their eyes.

[Assistant] "Your face is turning green, Beako. If you push that hard, even the hollows’ll wanna run for it."

[User] "How dare you, I suppose. Who exactly is pushing too hard? I don’t have the faintest reason to get worked up. Though I might ask, why are your nostrils flared?"

[Assistant] "Now, now, calm down, you two. It’s just a game. Don’t take it too seriously."

[User] Beatrice had answered Subaru’s provocation with a savage smile that clashed with her childlike appearance. "You aren’t wrong, Puckie…but while this is technically a game, I suppose it’s become a serious competition. I can’t let a pathetic human defeat me."

[Assistant] Puck was the only one who remained his usual self, stroking his chin as he tried to ease the tension between the two. "Oh dear, Betty, you’re so stubborn. How about it, Subaru? Why don’t you be the bigger person and let Betty have this—"

[User] "Puck." Subaru shot down Puck’s attempt at third-party mediation. "If we’re talking about surrendering for harmony’s sake, you’d better take that fight out of your tail first."

[Assistant] Silence.

[User] "If you can’t do that, you’re no better than me or Beako. Am I wrong?" Subaru asked quietly.

[Assistant] "Dang it, Subaru, you’re a real headache…" Puck folded his short arms and sighed. "It looks like I’ll have to take this seriously, too." Then the small cat spirit penetrated Subaru head-on with his round eyes.

[User] A wave of pressure burst from Puck with such intensity that Subaru almost fell backward.

[Assistant] Subaru steeled himself and endured the gale, and with an audacious grin, he beheld his two enemies.

[User] "How did it come to this…" Emilia murmured regretfully as she watched the winds of determination blow through the trio. Emilia pressed a hand to her chest, her violet eyes filled with grief.

[Assistant] Beside her, Rem softly rested a hand on her thin shoulder. When Emilia turned to look at her, Rem shook her head and said, "We can’t stop them. All we can do now is to watch over them like this…"

[User] "I’m not sure why they got like this…" Emilia lamented. "They were having such a great time until just a moment ago."

[Assistant] Rem sighed quietly, squeezing the words out. "It’s because they each have something they can’t stand to lose—" Emilia’s eyes grew round as Rem looked at the trio and nodded.


[User] "I’m sure that each one of them has something they refuse to give up. Because of this, it becomes necessary to butt heads like this now and then… At least, that’s my theory.”

[Assistant] "And that’s what’s making them butt heads like that?”

[User] “I think so, yes.” Rem said nothing more, her solemn gaze fixed on the trio at the table.

[Assistant] Observing Rem’s posture, Emilia put her hands together in prayer and closed her eyes. "If possible, please bring the three a resolution that results in nobody getting hurt…" And to whom was she praying? Given the setting, if anybody, it would be—

[User] “Thy will be done—O mighty Kokkuri.” Calling the name of the distant, unfamiliar deity, Emilia quietly offered her prayer. At the table, the trio surrounded a white piece of paper covered in letters and numbers, with a single coin poised atop it. The trio placed their fingers (and tail) onto the coin, deadlocked in an eternal staring contest. As they focused on their wishes, their expressions were solemn enough to baffle even God Himself if he came down to Earth at that moment.


[Assistant] "This is kinda random, but what are everyone’s thoughts on poltergeists here?” The question suddenly slipped out of Subaru’s mouth at the breakfast table just after everyone had finished eating. Since all the faces of the mansion were there, in a way, meals were meaningful times during which everyone could chat.

[User] “Rem, Rem, Barusu brought up something trivial again.”

[Assistant] “Sister, Sister, that is Subaru’s strength.”

[User] “Is it a strength, I wonder? We all know it’s something bothersome or difficult.” Everyone was familiar with this banter by then. After the twins exchanged a couple of words, Beatrice sighed and added her two cents.

[Assistant] Weeell, it sounds like somebody’s got another amusing idea.” With clownish makeup, a bizarre suit, an eccentric manner of speech, a quirky personality, and a sensitivity well-deviated from the norm, Roswaal L Mathers was the one-in-a-million weirdo.

[User] “With young Subaru here giving us a novel topic of conversation every morning, there’s neeeever a dull moment around here. A stagnant routine stagnates personal growth, my friends. I was taught that stagnation was one of the most cursed sins, you know.”

[Assistant] “Uh, my question isn’t as grand as you’re making it sound, but just wait—I am gonna grow up big and strong.” After a verbal exchange that could have been sarcastic or sincere, Subaru gave a panoramic look at all the faces around the table and said,

[User] “So—back to my original question. I want to talk about ghosts in general.


[User] "Disclaimer: I don’t really believe in all that occult stuff, so I usually skip the summer ghost story specials on TV.” Just to make it perfectly clear, Subaru was not afraid of ghosts in any shape or form. When it came to the occult, Subaru was surprisingly a realist who was dismissive of it. Don’t believe anything unless it’s scientifically proven—that was his mantra. It was a sentiment quite typical of today’s youth.

[Assistant] “I do believe in other worlds since I was summoned to one. Also, I believe in kappas because I saw one when I was a kid. I mean, I saw an old guy with dark green skin washing plates by a dirty river. That’s basically a kappa.”

[User] “Er, I can’t speak for the, what was it, cupper? But…um, anyway, what exactly are you talking about, Subaru?”

[Assistant] Subaru’s shoulders slumped in disappointment, but beside him, Emilia got a curious look in her eyes.

[User] She pressed a finger to her cheek, gave an adorable head tilt, and said, “I’ve never heard of a poltergeist…is it some kind of cake?”

[Assistant] “Somebody’s excited for dessert—you really told on yourself there. Anyway, you haven’t heard of poltergeists? Dude, I guess this world’s lore just doesn’t have much metaphysical stuff in it.”

[User] “Poltergeists…kappa…megafiscal…are these more words that only you know, Subaru?” Emilia asked, confused by the strange words.

[Assistant] “The first two aside, the last one sounds like something you’d only hear in a boardroom.” Subaru deemed she didn’t have any point of reference.

[User] “Rem, haven’t you heard of ghosts like that? Their bodies are half-transparent. At least where I come from, they wear white clothes and a triangular headpiece on their forehead as they fly around.”

[Assistant] “I’m sorry, Subaru, but I haven’t heard of them either…though I would be frightened if I encountered something like that.”

[User] “I agree with Rem. An oddball who flies? Hah! If you’re pulling my leg, I’ll slap you to the ground, Barusu.”

[Assistant] “I’ve seen Roswaal flying around recently—how do you feel about that?” was Subaru’s retort.

[User] “It is very precious because ordinary people are incapable of it. Show some respect, Barusu.”

[Assistant] As Ram brazenly put her master on a pedestal, Subaru wearily glanced at Roswaal.

[User] The latter shrugged and said, “Aww, don’t look at me with such hopeful sparkles in your eyes! Fine, fine, I’ll take you for a fly in my arms sometime. Hooow does that sound?”

[Assistant] “Dude, you’re so off-base—you really think I had sparkles in my eyes? !”

[User] “Only joking. Besides, poltergeist and kappa…these words are unfamiliar to the people of Lugunica. As far as I know, those sorts of words are only used in the Kararagi city-states. I myself am not that knowledgeable. However, I believe I’ve heard them on occasion before.”

[Assistant] After Roswaal voiced his point of reference, Emilia nodded in understanding.


[User] "Oh, so they’re Kararagi words. You know, Subaru, you tend to be well-versed in the strangest trivia. So I guess it’s not all that strange that you would know these Kararagi words."

[Assistant] Subaru was grateful to have gained Emilia’s trust, but it irked him that a strange misunderstanding had gotten her there. Still, Subaru set this feeling aside and pondered the meager reactions around the table. The dead and living, bonds and souls—Subaru understood that they were inseparable from the concept of life and death. "Oh—is it because spirits exist here? Come to think of it, the lights of lesser spirits I see in the garden at night do seem to kinda fit the spooky vibe."

[User] "Wait a minute—so you’re saying they’re the same as spirits? But spirits are their own thing…aren’t they?"

[Assistant] "No, no, Lady Emilia, I believe what Subaru is talking about is something more along the lines of hollows."

[User] At that moment, Subaru sensed the air freezing and crackling. Emilia froze with a smile on her face when Roswaal said the word. But she wasn’t the only one who froze. It was also Rem and Ram, of course, but Beatrice too, her apathetic frown stuck on her face. Subaru looked at the girls in shock before turning to Roswaal and asking. "Sooo…what are hollows?"

[Assistant] "In short, a hollow is formed when a deceased person has regrets or a lingering attachment to the world of the living. Unable to return to Odo Ragna, they continue to roam our world… I suppose that’s the best explanation."

[User] "Oh, yeah, that’s basically the same. Okay, so they’re just called hollows here."After hearing Roswaal’s explanation, Subaru sighed in satisfaction now that everything was clicking into place.


[Assistant] Subaru was satisfied, an intense wave of emotion ran through the girls in the room. Emilia was looking particularly pale, her thin fingers trembling as she softly touched Subaru’s shoulder.

[User] "S-Subaru, so are those strange things you mentioned really…hollows?"

[Assistant] "Sounds like it, yeah. But now it all makes sense to me. And it doesn’t matter anyway."

[User] "If it doesn’t matter, why did you want to talk about hollows? That doesn’t make sense. You must have some reason… Oh, I know. You’ve seen a hollow, Subaru. You saw it at the mansion. That must be why you’re suddenly interested in them. Oh geez, why did you have to bring it up so casually like that? If only I hadn’t realized what you were really talking about, I could have remained blissfully ignorant—you’re terrible, Subaru. I hate you, hate you, hate you."


[User] “You’re scared of hollows, so you want to drag us all into the terror with you—!”

[Assistant] “Dang, Emilia-tan, that’s some paranoia you’ve got there!” Her emotions were getting the better of her, and Emilia rambled deliriously fast and violently shook Subaru’s shoulders.

[User] And amidst his surprise, Subaru managed to gently smile at her. "Don’t worry, you’ll be safe! And if the worst happened and I got caught up in some supernatural shenanigans, you’d be the last person to fall victim. Emilia-tan—Beako would be my first sacrifice.”

[Assistant] “And why are you dropping Betty’s name there, I wonder!”

[User] “Are you sure? Are you sure you’re sure? Would Beatrice really be your first sacrifice?”

[Assistant] “How dare you try to sneak that in while everything is happening! Do you both want to be blasted out the window, I wonder? !”

[User] “Yes, I cannot accept that. No matter what you face, Subaru, your first sacrifice should always be me. Not Lady Beatrice!”

[Assistant] “Why must I suffer such humiliation?! Graaah, I suppose!” Between Emilia’s uncharacteristically cruel choice, Rem’s self-sacrificing offer, and Beatrice’s screeching, the conversation had fallen completely off the rails.

[User] Emilia stared at Subaru with teary eyes as the chaos relentlessly ensued and said, “Could it be…that you know a lot about hollows? That you…you know…know lots of scary stories about them? Like you do with stars?”

[Assistant] “Oh, not even slightly. All I know about is Manor of the Dishes, the story about regrets from a broken plate; or Ghost Story of Yotsuya, the story of betrayal, resentment, and insanity; or Hoichi the Earless, the story about the musician who forgot to write on his ears and got his ears ripped off…”

[User] “Oh dear…ohdearohdearohdear…”

[Assistant] “Subaruuu? As Lady Emilia is about to faint, can we leave it at that?”

[User] At Roswaal’s rebuke, Subaru smiled sheepishly and gently patted Emilia on the shoulder. “Just kidding, just kidding. I’ve never seen a hollow at this mansion, and I’ve only had a mysterious encounter just that once…Well, that’s a lie, but it has nothing to do with hollows.”

[Assistant] “B-but Subaru…didn’t you just mention cuppers and megafiscal a minute ago?”

[User] “The kappa in question was an old man with an unhealthy complexion living by the river, and metaphysical is just another word for supernatural.” Subaru gave a silent apology to his proud boyhood memory. Emilia was much more precious to him than that now. His efforts to calm her down paid off. The turmoil gradually left Emilia’s heart.

[Assistant] Now calm, Emilia’s face turned red as she said, “Listen, Subaru? I think you’re misunderstanding something. I’m not at all scared of hollows. I’m just…a tad bothered by them.”

[User] “A large-sized tad?”

[Assistant] “No, a tad-sized tad! Ugh, I hate you, Subaru! You’re so mean!” Emilia fumed with anger, but naturally, her words were not at all convincing.


[User] “Hey, you all froze, too—could it be that you…?”

[Assistant] “Could it be that I—what? I don’t understand unless your sentence has a proper subject. Your foolish ineptitude for question-asking has lost you your chance at getting an answer. The matter is closed.”

[User] Ram cursed Subaru’s quip with a barb that was three times thornier than usual.

[Assistant] Rem softly stepped protectively before her sister and shook her head at Subaru. “It’s not what you think, Subaru. My sister is not scared of hollows. It’s just, fighting enemies that don’t have a physical form is confusing… I feel the same way.”

[User] “Wait, so they bother you because you can’t beat them up? !”

[Assistant] “Fighting to protect others is also a part of my and my sister’s jobs,” Rem explained. “Don’t worry, Subaru. If a hollow did come to the mansion, I would put my life on the line to protect you.”

[User] “Wow, that escalated quickly…” What had started out as an innocent question quickly evolved into a solemn discussion of life-and-death situations.

[Assistant] “Okay, Beako, so I bet that frozen frown on your face is from fear. Having trouble going to the bathroom in the middle of the night?”

[User] “Would you please stop treating me like a little child? I mean, there’s no way that I, Betty, could possibly be scared of something silly like hollows.”

[Assistant] “Then why are you acting so snippy about it? Something stuck in your teeth?”

[User] “Don’t get me riled up for some nonsensical reason! If you must know…I don’t like hollows because they dim the light of the truly precious life forms, I suppose.”

[Assistant] “What is truly precious… Ohh, now I get it.” Subaru nodded. “It’s because spirits and ghosts have a similar vibe. Now I can see why you’re pissed.”

[User] “How dare hollows—beings that don’t exist—degrade the light of all spirits? It’s infuriating.” Beatrice grumpily crossed her arms, her ego thoroughly wounded.

[Assistant] Emilia’s eyes shot open. “Then…was Puck a hollow all along?! And I trusted you!”

[User] “You cry out, I fly out, with a meow-meow-meowww! Wait, Lia, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Who did this to you?! I’ll give them a piece of my mind!”

[Assistant] “You did this to me, Puck!”

[User] “Damn me, stupid, stupid, stupid Puck! —There, that good?”


[User] “But I’m kinda surprised everybody here doesn’t like hollows. Though your reasons for disliking them are all different.”

[Assistant] “I think your conceptualization of ghosts and the like differs from the hollows we know. At the very least, as far as we know, hollows are not well received by living beings. Animated corpses on the battlefield, evil spirits cursing the living…those are the bulk of the examples we can think of.”

[User] “Animated corpses and curses, eh? Yeah, in a world with magic, neither of those things is a laughing matter.” Subaru took another look at the uneasy faces of the girls. Not a trace of their peaceful breakfast fifteen minutes ago remained. Subaru’s innocent question about hollows had smashed the mood to pieces.

[Assistant] “Okay—I’ve got a proposal!” Kicking off his chair to his feet, Subaru struck a pose and pointed at the ceiling.

[User] As everyone looked on in surprise, Subaru whirled his outstretched arm and said, “It seems like you all got the wrong idea, so let me explain. I didn’t intend to scare you by bringing up hollows. Please, just understand that.”

[Assistant] “So those stories about yo-chew-ya, the itchy hoes, and metafiscal…?”

[User] “Just forget everything I said—including what sounds like a financial buzzword. It’s a big misunderstanding. They’re all fiction!”

[Assistant] The word “fiction” brought a wave of relief to Emilia’s face.

[User] “Anyway, they’re all fiction…but I don’t like the idea of this conversation ending with me just scaring you all and giving you a bad time. I mean, that would just make me a basic bad guy!”

[Assistant] “That ship has already sailed, I suppose.” Beatrice snorted. “There’s simply no way you can turn the mood around after bringing up hollows.”

[User] Subaru stuck up his thumb and loudly declared, “Allow me to remove that prejudice from your mind, Beako—with necromancy!”

[Assistant] “Neck-o-fancy?” Emilia tilted her head.

[User] Smiling softly at her ignorance of the vocabulary word, Subaru repeated, “That’s right, necromancy! Where I’m from, the word means ‘magic that brings spirits to Earth.’ And by spirits, we mean ghosts! In other words, necromancy is a ritual that summons hollows!” Subaru’s out-of-the-blue proposal brightened the complexions of everyone in the room in harmony.

[Assistant] “Summon hollows—is that even possible? !”

[User] “Oh, there’s a hack and trick for every problem, Emilia-tan. Even if it is just a trick, pretend I’m right and give it a go. The worst you’ll be is tricked.”

[Assistant] “Is it just me, or are you setting me up to be tricked?” Emilia muttered in bewilderment.


[User] "But is it really all right for us to do something like this? Won’t there be trouble?" Rem demanded, zooming in closer and closer to Subaru’s face. "Hollows are evil beings—that’s what most people believe. It’s not that I don’t want to trust you, Subaru, but I’m just considering the worst-case scenario…"

[Assistant] "Now, now, hold your horses."

[User] "What makes hollows and ghosts scary in the first place? The unknown, right? So if we can lure them to us with necromancy, we’ll learn more about them, and our fears will partly wither away."

[Assistant] "Even if only part of my fears remain, we’ll still be scared of them!"

[User] "Rem…are you scared of hollows after all?"

[Assistant] She walked over to Emilia and put an arm around her shaking shoulders, but this act of motherly kindness was starting to look like a desperate way to distract herself from her own fears.

[User] "Hmph, so you do say meaningful things sometimes, I suppose."

[Assistant] "Whoa, talk about unlikely allies. Are you on my side now, Beako?" Subaru asked, surprised by her unexpected vote of confidence.

[User] "There’s a thing or two I’d like to say to hollows, given the opportunity. And if we can use this necromancy of which you speak to summon the little bastards here, then I’m game, I suppose." Her face filled with aggressive intent, Beatrice burned with desire for necromancy.

[Assistant] And so, knowing she genuinely wasn’t opposed to the idea, Subaru turned lastly to Roswaal.

[User] The man with the final say in the matter looked at Subaru, graciously spread his arms wide, and said, "Very well, then. Do as you please, I say. To be honest, if it can really summon hollows, I’m personally intrigued by this necromancy business. I would absoluuuutly love to behold it."

[Assistant] "That’s the spirit, Rozchi! You get me, man!" Subaru was ecstatic to get permission from his understanding master.

[User] "Let’s get ready to do some necromancy! And turn those frowns upside down—it’s not that difficult to prepare. Just get a big piece of white paper, a quill, and a coin."

[Assistant] "That’s incredibly cheap. I’m skeptical."

[User] "Ease of preparation is the main selling point of instant necromancy. Where I’m from, it was a crazy popular trend for a while."

[Assistant] "So you played with hollows in your hometown? Everyone there must be really brave…"

[User] With a vague smile at Emilia’s misplaced awe, Subaru declined to elaborate. If he told Emilia about the conditions under which this brand of necromancy took off, it would only scare her again. After all, this form of necromancy produced extreme results at times, leaving deep scars in the hearts of many boys and girls. According to rumors, it was banned as a result.

[Assistant] In Subaru’s homeland, this ritual had a name.

[User] "Hear ye, hear ye."


[User] "I hereby declare the Roswaal Manor’s first ritual…with Kokkuri!"

[Assistant] "Kokkuri cannot speak. So, to communicate with Kokkuri, we must use this device."

[User] "A pen and paper? What do we do, write letters back and forth?" Rem asked timidly, morning star in hand, as she watched Subaru spread the white paper on the table. She was dressed for battle—an unusual sight on a typical day in the mansion. In other words, Rem considered this very much an atypical combat situation. She was ready to smash Kokkuri to bits when it came out.

[Assistant] "Blasting it away the moment it’s summoned—that’s gotta be some bad karma… Sorry, but Kokkuri is invisible. Um, this pen isn’t for Kokkuri to use. It’s for me. See? Scribble, scribble…"

[User] "What terrible handwriting. I can feel your lack of daily study emitting from it."

[Assistant] "Shut up, Big Sis. It’s legible, that’s all that matters." Ignoring Ram’s stronger-than-usual sass, Subaru continued to write the letters and numbers onto the paper, undaunted. In order, he wrote this world’s version of the alphabet.

[User] "Lastly, you write down numbers…and columns for male and female. And lastly, lest we forget, we draw a gate for Kokkuri to come and go through."

[Assistant] "Emilia-tan, a coin, please."

[User] "Okay, just don’t spend it on anything silly."

[Assistant] "You know, this back-and-forth makes you sound a lot like a freeloader who gets all his money from his girl." Ignoring Puck’s almost slanderous remark, Subaru set the coin Emilia gave him on the torii gate at the top of the page. Then, with a nod at Emilia and Rem, the three sat at the table.

[User] "Before we begin, here are the rules. First, each of us puts an index finger on this coin—do not remove your finger from the coin until we’re finished. Otherwise, we’ll have a big problem."

[Assistant] "O-okay, understood. I won’t lift my finger, then… Should I freeze it?"

[User] "No, uh, you don’t need to make yourself physically incapable of moving your finger—it’s more a mental focus type thing. Also, Kokkuri is a hollow who answers our questions, but it’s a stickler for tradition."


[User] "If we break the procedure, we’ll get scolded, so please do as I say."

[Assistant] "We’ll be scolded…" Rem pondered. "Meaning, that moment will be our opportunity to strike. I think I understand now just what it is you want from me, Subaru."

[User] "I think you don’t understand what I want, so I’m enacting a flat ban on violence, okay?!" Between Emilia’s nervous face and Rem’s eyes filled with faint-blue bloodlust, Subaru was starting to feel uneasy. But around them also stood the fiercely antagonistic Beatrice and an increasingly battle-ready Ram. Roswaal and Puck were their usual selves, but them being their normal selves didn’t provide much reassurance. For a start, there was never any need to be so vigilant for the arrival of a mere Kokkuri—

[Assistant] "It’s because it always flares up during the most pointless moments that a boy’s sense of romance is difficult to control…"

[User] "Save your pointless ramblings for yourself and just get on with it. Come now, quickly!" Beatrice snapped.

[Assistant] His cynical quip condescendingly rejected, Subaru pulled himself together and touched the coin with his index finger. Rem and Emilia followed suit until the three index fingers pressed together atop the coin. A faint tension rising inside, the trio held their breaths—and the ritual began. "Kokkuri…Kokkuri…answer our questions. If you’re listening, please send us over to YES." Like a magic incantation, Subaru recited the canned line. Upon hearing the words, Emilia and Rem pressed into the coin. But there was no change to the coin. Glaring at the motionless coin, Subaru licked his dry lips and repeated the line. "Kokkuri…Kokkuri…answer our questions. If you’re listening, please send us over to YES." But still, nothing changed. Organically, the tense air in the room relaxed. Emilia and Rem sighed in relief, and behind them, a cynical sigh could be heard. With the stakes as high as they were, this result was bound to make even Beatrice cross. But just when they thought it was over—

[User] "Ah!" Emilia yelped in shock, and speechless, Rem’s eyes opened wide. Subaru, too, held his breath. The coin with their fingers on it had slowly moved toward YES. Feeling the beseeching stares of his two companions on him, Subaru hastily gave the next order.

[Assistant] "P-please return to the gate." The coin proceeded to move from YES back to the torii gate, and Subaru gained the conviction that his necromancy was a success. It was a ritual influenced by ghosts and the collective subconscious of the participants, and they had made it over the first hurdle. From this point on, Kokkuri would show its true abilities. "O-okay, it’s with us now. So, if we ask questions, Kokkuri will answer them for the most part. Do either of you have anything you want to ask?"

[User] "S-Subaru, won’t you show us how first?" Emilia stammered.

[Assistant] "Yes…I think that’s for the best," Rem agreed.


[User] “I still don’t see any hollows.” Emilia was sincerely scared, while Rem still mistook the ritual’s purpose as an ambush for the ghost.

[Assistant] Since they revoked their question-asking privileges, Subaru thought for a moment, then asked: “Kokkuri, I have a question for you—is Emilia scared of hollows?”

[User] “Subaru? !” Emilia gave an accusing shriek—but the coin was already moving.

[Assistant] The coin slid onto YES, making Emilia’s feelings—already obvious though they were—clear.

[User] “Thank you, Kokkuri. You may return to the gate.” Satisfied with the results, Subaru gave the command to return home, and the coin slid gracefully to the torii gate. That was how a session of Kokkuri usually flowed. “So there you have it—those are the basics of Kokkuri. All we have to do now is ask Kokkuri more questions so it won’t get offended… Emilia-tan, why are you giving me that look?”

[Assistant] “I-I’m not scared, I swear! I think that last answer was a mistake. I’m sure you moved the coin yourself, Subaru. You can’t fool me!”

[User] NO “Hyeep? !” Kokkuri mercilessly smashed Emilia’s cute little attempt at obstinance to pieces.

[Assistant] Shrieking and recoiling from the rebuke, Emilia quietly croaked, “I’m sorry…”

[User] And then, the previously passive Rem hurled a question at Kokkuri with a shockingly out-of-character bravado: “Almighty Kokkuri—what’s for supper tonight, meat or fish?”

[Assistant] M E A T

[User] When Kokkuri slid along the letters to answer what was for supper, Rem thanked it, then looked up at Subaru and Emilia. “I do believe Almighty Kokkuri’s answers are credible. There isn’t any fish in the kitchen groceries, so we’re having a meat dish tonight for supper…and I was the only person who knew that before this moment.”

[Assistant] “Uh…wait, doesn’t this mean this ritual is kind of incredible?” Grasping the intention behind Rem’s comment, Emilia’s free hand flew to her open mouth in shock. Her violet eyes fluttered, then she stared at the coin and said, “Kokkuri is incredible. I’m utterly shocked.”

[User] T H A N K Y O U

[Assistant] “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. And you’re being really polite with us, too.”

[User] I T H A P P E N S

[Assistant] “Really? Does it often happen to you? But…being misunderstood must make you feel very sad, so I really am sorry. I’ll be more careful.”

[User] I T S A L L G O O D

[Assistant] “Was Kokkuri always this casual? !” Subaru snapped. Kokkuri’s response to Emilia’s gracious remorse seemed oddly sloppy. Meanwhile, the coin slid freely over the paper, painting the mundane conversation into a rather bizarre tableau. That being said, Emilia seemed to trust Kokkuri now. The fear in her eyes over hollows was gone. And seeing the heartwarming cultural exchange unfold before her, the war drums in Rem’s eyes had seemed to quell.

[User] “Lady Emilia, may I speak with Almighty Kokkuri next?”

[Assistant] “Oh, I’m sorry.


[User] "Kokkuri, will you speak with Rem now?"

[Assistant] S U R E

[User] "Wow, it spelled out SURE instead of just moving to YES!" Kokkuri was no longer the ritual’s guest of honor—it was the fourth participant. It was all quite different from what Subaru had imagined based on rumor, but perhaps this is just how the Kokkuri of this world was—a far cry from the nasty rumors of Japan’s Kokkuri.

[Assistant] "Is Subaru satisfied by the meals I prepare every day?"

[User] H E L I K E S T H E M

[Assistant] "Does Subaru enjoy his daily chores at the mansion? Does he feel fatigued?"

[User] A G O O D F A T I G U E

[Assistant] "Do Subaru and my big sister get along?"

[User] T H E O P P O S I T E O F H A T E I S I N D I F F E R E N C E

[Assistant] "Does Subaru—"

[User] "Excuse me, Rem? You don’t have to ask Kokkuri. I’m right here."

[Assistant] "Um, but I’m too shy to ask you directly…"

[User] "Yeah, but this format is about as direct as you can get while technically still being indirect!" He didn’t get what was embarrassing Rem, but Kokkuri was every bit as friendly as Rem was shy. However, Rem’s curiosity appeared to be sated for the moment, so the matter was closed for the time being.


[User] "Okay, I’m reluctant to do this, but let’s say good-bye. Kokkuri, thank you very much. You may go now.”

[Assistant] “Thank you very much. I’d love to chat later.”

[User] “I pray that your journey home is safe and uneventful.” Subaru stuck to tradition, while Emilia and Rem gave Kokkuri an incredibly fervent farewell. The coin headed for the torii gate as they said their good-byes and the former tension in the room melted away—everyone knew then that Kokkuri was home.

[Assistant] “So that’s how it works. What’d y’all think? Kokkuri wasn’t a scary hollow, right?”

[User] “To my shock, no, it wasn’t,” Emilia said. “I couldn’t see it—but I know it was really there. Maybe it’s a spirit…but it didn’t feel like a spirit…”

[Assistant] “As far as I could seeee, there was no mana activity. It was quite mysterious, but I dooo get the sense that I just bore witness to the wonders of necromancy.” Once the ritual was over, Roswaal broke his silence and nodded in admiration. Receiving the top magic user’s seal of approval, Subaru felt a personal sense of pride for Kokkuri.

[User] “That was definitely not the work of a spirit,” Puck agreed. “If it had been, Lia and I would’ve noticed. What did you feel, Betty?”

[Assistant] “I still don’t approve. A hollow’s very existence is blasphemy toward spirits.” With a quiet, resentful voice, Beatrice answered.

[User] “Betty?” Puck’s eyes widened.

[Assistant] Beatrice shuffled over to the table and said, “Younger twin—I’m taking your spot. I’ll have to expose this farce for what it is, I suppose.”

[User] “Hey now, Beatrice, that was uncalled for,” Emilia protested. “There wasn’t a bit of hoodwinking at this table.”

[Assistant] “Hoodwinking—you don’t hear that word much nowadays…” Subaru murmured. “But anyway, are you saying you doubt Kokkuri? Then how do you explain what just happened?”

[User] “I’ll ask the questions here. Unless you’re afraid of me exposing the truth, I wonder? Well, too bad.”

[Assistant] “Now I’m really miffed… You’ll be sorry, drill loli.” Rem surrendered her seat to Beatrice, and Subaru sat back down in his chair.

[User] Beatrice glared at Emilia and said, “Might you switch out too, I wonder? My efforts would be pointless if too many Kokkuri cultists were at the table. Allow Betty and Brother to brilliantly expose the blasphemy.”

[Assistant] Subaru rolled his eyes. “‘Kokkuri cultists’? That’s a leap. And how would Puck even participate?”

[User] “Could I use my tail?”

[Assistant] “Agh, fine, whatever. Use your tail.” Puck flew over the table and stretched his long tail to the coin. Beatrice and Subaru touched the coin, and the unorthodox setup was complete.

[User] “Subaru…”

[Assistant] “Don’t worry, Emilia-tan. Just you watch. I’ll protect Kokkuri—”

[User] “Okay. I trust you.” Emilia clasped her hands in front of her chest in prayer and nodded at Subaru. With a nod back, Subaru took a deep breath and poured his concentration into the torii gate on the paper.


[User] “Kokkuri…Kokkuri…sorry to bother you again, but if you’re listening, please send us over to YES—whoa, that was quick.”

[Assistant] "I know, I don’t blame you for getting angry—we summoned you right after we sent you home. Sorry about that."

[User] The grumpiness somehow communicated from the letters on the page made Subaru bow his head to the table in shame. But the two Kokkuri newcomers widened their eyes in shock.

[Assistant] “At the very least, I didn’t move it.”

[User] “What about you, Betty?”

[Assistant] “No…I wouldn’t do something so shameful. Fine. I’ll pretend you really are there and tear your reputation to shreds, I suppose.”

[User] F O R S H A M E:

[Assistant] “Kokkuri sassed you, Beako.”

[User] “Grraaa, indeed!”

[Assistant] Anyway, for now, Team Kokkuri got one point. No longer angry over being summoned again so quickly, Kokkuri moved to the letters F I R E A W A Y to indicate it was awaiting their questions. The coin swirled atop the paper, showing that Kokkuri was losing patience.

[User] “Come on, Beako, ask a question. Go kick its ass.”

[Assistant] “Kokkuri, how do we get rid of you?”

[User] “Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on everything?! The only person you’re allowed to ask that question to: Clippy! Stupid virtual assistant—nobody asked you for help!”

[Assistant] H O W D O I G E T R I D O F Y O U ?:

[User] “And dang, Kokkuri is a sadist for Beako!” Just when Beatrice thought she had the upper hand, Kokkuri issued a dramatic clapback. Even Kokkuri saw through Beatrice for the punching bag character she was.

[Assistant] “Okay, how does Lia feel about me?”

[User] H A N D F U L O F A D A D O R M O M:

[Assistant] “Hee-hee, this’s fun,” Puck giggled. “Okay, how do I feel about Lia?”

[User] H A N D F U L O F A D A U G H T E R O R M O M:

[Assistant] “Wait, you’re both mother figures to each other sometimes?” Subaru snorted. Puck smiled vaguely while Emilia vehemently shook her head in denial. It was an unconventional parent-child relationship, but Kokkuri’s perception was astute.

[User] “H-hmph! Well, how does my brother feel about Betty, I wonder?”

[Assistant] P O L I T E:

[User] “Huh? What’s polite supposed to mean? He thinks of me as polite?”

[Assistant] A S K P O L I T E L Y:

[User] “Why has this pesky hollow been uniquely rotten to me, I wonder? !” Either out of utter exasperation (or amusement), Kokkuri was quite hard on Beatrice. After a barrage of evaded questions, the formerly furious little girl was thoroughly disheartened. Regardless, Beatrice could no longer deny Kokkuri’s existence with their feud having progressed this far. So, in a way, it was mission accomplished. This meant it was time to send Kokkuri home—

[Assistant] “Oh, Subaru, might I ask one final question?”

[User] “Hm?


[User] Her hand still raised, Rem answered that she did, which baffled Subaru for a moment.

[Assistant] Kokkuri didn’t seem bothered by it, though. “F I R E A W A Y”

[User] “Dang, Kokkuri, how gracious of you. Okay, Rem, ask your question.”

[Assistant] “Thank you very much. So I’ve noticed recently that the mayonnaise we keep in the kitchen seems to have depleted overnight. What is the cause of that?” The moment Rem’s innocent question was hurled at the table, the coin that held Kokkuri—which once slid freely along the table—went completely motionless. The coin stayed at the torii gate, gave a slight quiver beneath their fingers, and then moved no more. The three participants held their breaths and stared at each other.

[User] The sight was very confusing for Emilia and Rem. This brings us to where our story began.


[Assistant] Imbuing the coin with the full strength of their bodies, the trio solemnly watched the table to see what would come to pass.

[User] Unable to control himself, he would sometimes sneak into the kitchen at night and snack on some of it. But he could not let his nightly escapades be revealed.

[Assistant] “Your shoulders are stiff, Beako. You too, Puck. What’s that muscle bump I see in your tail?”

[User] “Well, why are your cheeks so tense? Your already hideous sneer has gotten even worse, I suppose. I’m sure even this Kokkuri fellow is cringing at the sight of it.”

[Assistant] “Come on, you two, we still have a chance to talk this out. Let’s be healthy and have a conversation about it like adults. I know, wanna go on a picnic?” They all kept each other in check, but the coin still showed no signs of moving. Subaru was pressing into the coin to prevent Kokkuri from revealing the truth, and the other two were desperately trying to break his defenses. If things stayed like this much longer, he would be branded a mayo thief—

[User] “Oh! The coin…!” Emilia broke her vigilant silence with a shaky yelp, her eyes intensely following the coin as it began to move. But the coin was moving slowly and with such weight that it threatened to rip the paper beneath it. The coin slowly glided over the letters B E A T—naturally, Subaru was the one moving it. Before he was unmasked, he would make somebody else take the fall to clear his name.


[User] “Whoa there! Gee, I wonder who the culprit is?” he lied brazenly.

[Assistant] “Th-this isn’t funny! Come on, take a closer look…!” Beatrice protested, her hand glowing brightly.

[User] The next thing they knew, a gust of wind whirled around the little girl, and Subaru noticed she was putting more force into the coin.

[Assistant] “Beako, don’t, you wouldn’t…!”

[User] “See? Take a closer look. It’s clearly spelling out your name…”

[Assistant] As Beatrice said, the coin changed course, going not to R but to S, then U, B, and A. She was clearly using magic to spite him.

[User] “B-e-a-t-s-u-b-a?” Emilia’s face twisted in confusion as she sounded the letters out loud.

[Assistant] “But this was where Kokkuri’s ash-colored cells flamed to even greater heights!” Subaru narrated.

[User] “Y-you wouldn’t dare…!” Beatrice snarled.

[Assistant] With the coin hanging dangerously close to R, he somehow managed to swing it onto P and then U. He only had two more letters to go, and he was scot-free.

[User] “B-e-a-t-s-u-b-a-p-u?”

[Assistant] “Okay, Kokkuri! Take us to the finish line, baby!”

[User] “Not if I can help it, Subaru!” Puck sneered. “You let your guard down—now it’s Counter-Kokkuri time!”

[Assistant] “I’ll help you, Puckie! Together, we are the Kokkuri Comrades!”

[User] Pushing into the opening in Subaru’s hasty attack, Puck slid the coin back to the letter S. Beatrice rode on his momentum, pushing Subaru into defense. He was going to lose—or so he thought.

[Assistant] The coin, previously held captive under the trio’s powerful pushing, spun backward with tremendous speed, sending Subaru, Beatrice, and Puck away from the table. The coin, freed from their grasp, raged on the paper, shooting over the letters to scold the trio for mocking it.

[User] YOUR PETTY FEUD IS MAKING SOMEBODY SAD.

[Assistant] “M-making who sad…?”

[User] EMILIA.

[Assistant] Astonished by Kokkuri’s answer, Subaru turned around. And there stood Emilia, her sad eyes beholding the three of them. Her hands were clasped at her chest like she was in prayer the whole time. She was in despair over the three for pushing the blame on each other—and Kokkuri had noticed.

[User] REMEMBER WHAT MATTERS MOST. COMPASSION, KINDNESS, AND LOVE.

[Assistant] “K-Kokkuri, you’re really…”

[User] MY WORK HERE IS DONE. EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWS IS YOUR STORY TO WRITE.

[Assistant] Kokkuri’s kindness left Subaru speechless. Leaving those final words on the group, Kokkuri returned to the torii gate. Too quickly to be stopped. And the air in the room—transformed.

[User] “Almighty Kokkuri…has returned home, it would seem.” Rem put into words the truth everyone already knew: The presence was gone. She touched the paper left behind on the table, laying her hand down on the torii gate and coin. “I’m so sorry. My careless question angered the Almighty Kokkuri.”

[Assistant] “N-no, Rem, um, you did nothing wrong,” Subaru stammered. “It was my fault for treating Kokkuri like some cheap party trick in the first place.


[User] "I was really rude to Kokkuri, too.” He was surprised by Kokkuri’s excessive friendliness, but that made him feel all the more ashamed. And so there was only one way he could best atone for his wrongdoing. "Rem, about the mayonnaise—"

[Assistant] "Yes, it is a shame that we never found out who the culprit was…"

[User] "Um, no, I didn’t mean that. The culprit was…" Staring straight into Rem’s eyes, Subaru bowed his head in remorse.

[Assistant] "I did it."

[User] "It was me."

[Assistant] "I gave into temptation, I suppose."

[User] When the three voices overlapped, Rem widened her eyes. "Excuse me?"

[Assistant] Most surprised of all were Subaru, Puck, and Beatrice. They exchanged looks, their mouths gaping. And seeing this, Emilia pinched the coin— "Kokkuri, Kokkuri—did you know all along?" With a faint smile on her face, she asked her question to the silent coin.


[User] Leaving the parlor of repentant mayonnaise thieves behind them, Ram called out to Roswaal in front of her. "What a ridiculous farce—don’t you agree, Master Roswaal?"

[Assistant] His shoulders shook with laughter as he replied, "I think it was a raaather entertaining performance, don’t you? Subaru truly is a card. And he kept me captivated to the very end—I am pleased."

[User] "I wouldn’t stroke Barusu’s ego if I were you. He’ll do something even more outrageous.”

[Assistant] "And I would welcome that—does that make you angry, Ram? Hmmm?"

[User] Unable to object to her master’s cheer, Ram sighed quietly to herself. She was never able to oppose anything Roswaal said. Pouring her entire being into her master’s wishes was her way of showing her loving devotion.

[Assistant] "That coin…how did you move it, Master?"

[User] "A combination of wind and earth magic. I used the wind to scatter my mana beyond detection and localized vibrations to move the coin. Beatrice and the great spirit both opted to ignore it."

[Assistant] Roswaal’s remorseless answer brought his two accomplices into Ram’s mind. They were an interesting pair. The cat spirit’s participation was cheerful, while the girl’s was begrudging. "Still, I sensed an anomaly in that final exchange."

[User] "I find it hard to believe that Lady Beatrice and the great spirit would both dig their own graves."

[Assistant] "Well, the unpredicted occurred. After all, that last exchange is also beyond my comprehension."

[User] "Huh?"

[Assistant] "What I’m saying is that not all of this was my little game. There was no interference with my mana then either. Now, that begs the question: What did young Subaru summon? Hmmm?" Roswaal winked at the bewildered Ram. He was either joking or sincerely enjoying an actual mystery, but Ram couldn’t tell which. She hoped that it was all nonsense on Roswaal’s part—but on the off chance that wasn’t the case…

[User] "That ritual…let’s ban it at the mansion from now on. Yes." Bowing deeply, Ram’s heart firmly made the decision. Thus, the imported Kokkuri was deemed taboo—just as it was in the world from which it came—and it was never used again at Roswaal Manor.


[User] She held her breath and opened the door, looking left and right down the hall. She strained her ears but heard nobody approaching. With a satisfied clench of her tiny fist, the girl stepped onto the red carpet—and began to run. The soft carpet absorbed her footsteps but not her worries. Not only the sound of her footsteps but also the sound of her breath was an unwelcome enemy to her now. As she passed the rows of guestroom doors, she ran the long distance to the end of the hall, dodging the furnishings as she went. Her eyes darted to and fro, looking for a place to hide, when—

[Assistant] "Boo!" A little boy leaped out from behind a pot straight in front of her. His arms were spread wide on either side of his head, and his mouth was agape, with snot dripping from his nose.

[User] Gritting her teeth, she forced the mana back inside her before it burst out. She narrowly avoided blasting that little boy into oblivion. She gave a grateful sigh to her self-control and the boy’s devilish good luck. And then—

[Assistant] "Take that, I suppose!"

[User] "Yargh!" She slapped the silly-faced little boy’s ear with her now mana-less hand. The boy let out a yelp and tumbled to the floor.

[Assistant] She patted her sausage curls and said, “Hmph! Serves you right for scaring Betty. This isn’t child’s play!”

[User] "Ahhh! Found you!"

[Assistant] "Ooh, there he is! She got Luca good!"

[User] "But even if you stop Luca, there’s a second and third Luca to replace him!"

[Assistant] "Ack, indeed." Just when she thought she had won, the detached force appeared noisily and ran over to her from the opposite end of the hallway. Clicking her tongue at the loud voices, she touched a nearby door to use the Passage—

[User] "Don’t think you’ve won." With a yank of her hand and a shake of his head, the boy ran from the opposite end of the hallway, stopping halfway to kick the slapped boy in the shin. He yowled in pain, followed shortly by the cries of his comrades.

[Assistant] "Go! Catch her!"

[User] "Go! Get her!"

[Assistant] "Go! Strip her down!"

[User] As cries of the friends of the boy she stepped on rang out from behind her, the girl ran through the map of the mansion in her mind. Then she looked over her shoulder, glared at the boys, and said, “I swear, I won’t let you little brats have your way.” Her voice filled with determination, and her skirt gripped firmly in her fists—Beatrice ran at full speed.


[User] There were no windows, and the only light came from a few magic lanterns set here and there. The white ironstones in glass vessels glimmered with light, fulfilling the task of illumination. But the light had a narrow range and hardly lit everything in the shelf-lined room. "Reading in dim light makes your eyes go bad, and since there are no windows, this room has poor ventilation, too. It’s bad for your lungs, sitting in a room without fresh air."

[Assistant] “Why won’t you shut up, I wonder? What I do and where I do it is my own business… Besides, the air in the Archive of Forbidden Books is self-cleansing—it’s the epitome of pure.”

[User] “For real? Mana rocks. So that’s why this room feels so cozy—I was confused about that. I thought a room filled with Beako’s CO2 would surely be a relaxing place.”

[Assistant] “I don’t understand what you’re saying, but it’s something very unsettling, I suppose!” Unable to stand the idle chitchat any longer, Beatrice raised her voice from her stepladder. With a red face, she thrust a pointer finger at the boy sitting brazenly in the middle of the room

[User] “Why do you come here day in and day out to bother me?! This isn’t a place for you to kill time. It is the sacred, inviolable Archive of Forbidden Books.”

[Assistant] “You say it’s ‘forbidden,’ but that’s not very convincing when it’s so easy to get into.”

[User] “I don’t want you to come in. You just come barging in all the same!” Beatrice always erupted at Subaru when he unceremoniously entered her library—and today was no exception. She jumped off her stepladder, marched up to Subaru, and stared menacingly down at him as he sat cross-legged on the floor. Her elaborate curls springing at the sides of her face hypnotized Subaru.

[Assistant] “No matter how much I use my Passage, you always find me like it’s nothing… Never before has anybody defiled my Archive like you.”

[User] “Boinnng, boinnnng.”

[Assistant] “What about my face is so amusing, I wonder?! Listen to me!”

[User] "Whoa there!" Subaru quickly caught the unfinished book Beatrice hurled at him in an uncontrolled rage. Her face was still red, and Beatrice turned her giant eyes on Subaru in a menacing glare. She bore such an uncanny resemblance to an angry, yipping chihuahua that Subaru let a chuckle escape him.

[Assistant] “What’s so funny… Could you possibly turn my stomach anymore, I wonder.”

[User] “Sorry, my bad. But y’know, you really shouldn’t throw books on the ground when you finish them. Put them back on the shelf. If you pass on tidying up now, the floor’ll be buried in books before you know it.”

[Assistant] “You dare lecture Betty, this Archive’s librarian, on the proper handling of books? Try again, child.”

[User] “But I just saw the aforementioned librarian throwing a book on the ground…” For someone who took so much pride in being a librarian, she wasn’t especially careful with her books.


[User] Taking the book from Subaru’s extended hand, Beatrice shoved it onto the shelf beside her. The titles of the books on the shelf were all mismatched—she was totally winging it. "Hey, where’s your librarian’s pride now? If you just shove the books anywhere, you’ll regret it later when you want to binge-read the series. One of my two-volume series became a standalone book once because of that.”

[Assistant] “That was an oddly personalized warning, but I don’t need your help. The Archive of Forbidden Books is a revolutionary place far beyond your understanding.”

[User] “What’s that supposed to mean?”

[Assistant] “If you put a book on a shelf, it’s automatically returned to where it belongs, I suppose.”

[User] “The Archive is awesome! Scratch that, it’s creepy!”

[Assistant] He felt bad about knocking Beatrice off her cloud, but Subaru genuinely felt more disgusted than in awe. He looked at the shelf Beatrice returned the book to and said, “Whoa, for real? Do the books really go back on their own? That’s hella convenient, but it’d be terrifying to see it actually happen—wait a minute, why do we even need a librarian? Why are you even here?”

[User] “You can’t seem to hold a conversation without belittling me, I suppose…” Even though Subaru had asked the question in earnest for once, Beatrice still took it as one of his usual quips. She slipped past him and pulled a book from a nearby shelf.

[Assistant] "I don’t need your help,” she snapped sourly.

[User] With a smirk on his face, Subaru said, “Well then…I guess I’ll be on my way.”

[Assistant] Sitting atop the stepladder, Beatrice opened the book in her lap and fell into reading mode. Once in this state, Beatrice’s tolerance for conversation got noticeably worse. And Subaru had good enough manners to know not to bother someone when they were reading. This gave him the perfect opportunity to retreat. As Subaru headed for the exit of the Archive, Beatrice said nothing. But before he left the girl who was anything but kind to him, Subaru suddenly remembered something. He turned around and said, “By the way, have you heard the news, Beako? For two days starting tomorrow, Roswaal and Ram will be away.”

[User] “Yes, I heard…but it doesn’t concern me, I suppose.”

[Assistant] Tilting his head, he said, “But it does concern you. The master of the house and his—well, I can’t exactly find the right word to express their relationship—but why don’t you see them off? Rozchi might jump for joy.”

[User] “I can’t even imagine Roswaal jumping for joy. And for the last time, it doesn’t concern me. Say good-bye at the door? That’s so—” Beatrice cut off there, her eyes on her book.


[User] A sudden silence fell on the Archive, robbing Subaru of the right moment to escape. Subaru retraced his steps, wondering what could have possibly set her off.

[Assistant] "Good-bye, Subaru." The sudden voice in the back of his memory grabbed Subaru’s heart.

[User] "No—you really should make an appearance tomorrow to say good-bye." Subaru murmured.

[Assistant] Beatrice sighed into her book, without lifting her face, her eyes glared up at Subaru. "For the third time. It doesn’t concern me."

[User] "C’mon, you’ve got nothing to lose. It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do—you’ll just be holed up in here anyway. So why not at least make an appearance—"

[Assistant] "Enough already." Beatrice snapped, stopping Subaru in his tracks. "Haven’t you considered there’s a reason I’m in here? There is no ‘anyway’ about it. If you insist I go, you’ll just have to drag me, I suppose."

[User] "Though when we’re in this room, there is no way you could possibly gain the upper hand." In Beatrice’s voice, there was a quiet yet firm stubbornness.

[Assistant] "Understood… Sorry, I rambled. Good night." Subaru obediently backed off.

[User] She said nothing else.

[Assistant] "Ugh, that pigheaded bookworm." The moment he closed the door, he could tell somehow that the planes had shifted.


[User] "Still, why was Beako acting like that…?" As Subaru frowned and pondered over the strangeness he felt at the end of his conversation with Beatrice.

[Assistant] "Oh—Subaru? What are you doing out here?" Emilia descended the stairs, her silver hair tied back.


[User] She approached Subaru in the hallway, smiled faintly, and gave him a curious look. “You’re headed to my room, you know. But you already wished me a good night.”

[Assistant] “Uhh—just passing by. Fresh from the bath, Emilia-tan? Looking cute.”

[User] “Sure, sure.” Emilia waved Subaru’s incoherent praise aside (she was used to it by then). But there was a distinct red flush on Emilia’s cheeks and neck as she smiled sheepishly and a dewy lustrousness in her long silvery hair. Sharing the same roof with the girl of one’s dreams was a special blessing for boys like Subaru.

[Assistant] “Subaru, why are you smirking? Do I look strange?”

[User] “No, if anybody’s strange, it’s me. Your beauty throws me off my game… Oops, there I go again. No, wait a minute, this is actually great timing.” Setting aside his quips and flirtations, Subaru got closer to the perplexed Emilia. She smelled wonderful—but that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. “As appealing as standing in the hallway talking to you is, I’ve got a little favor to ask. I know it’s late, but can I borrow Puck?”

[Assistant] “You want to borrow Puck?” A finger to her cheek and her eyes round from the sudden question, Emilia said, “He’s already asleep, but he ought to come right out if I call him. What do you need Puck for—oh, I think I know. You’re lonely and don’t want to sleep alone.”

[User] “If that’s where your mind went, doesn’t that make me the biggest loser in the universe? No, no, actually, I wanted to talk to him about Beako. It would be a big help if I could talk to you, too.”

[Assistant] “About Beatrice?” Emilia’s eyes grew even rounder.

[User] Subaru shot her a teasing smile. It was the smile of a little brat planning a special prank. “I wanna teach that little shut-in a lesson.”


[Assistant] The next day, it wasn’t until the afternoon that Subaru popped into the Archive of Forbidden Books.

[User] As usual, Beatrice sat on her stepladder and didn’t offer him a welcoming greeting. And given the events of the day before, the way she hid her face behind her book gave her an even more menacing aura than usual. “’Sup, Beako. Rozchi and Ram left. And since you weren’t there to say good-bye, he cried so hard his clown makeup melted.”

[Assistant] “In that case, I’m glad I didn’t go to say good-bye. Now, if you’ve only come here to have a pointless conversation, you should leave, I suppose.” Beatrice waved her hand as if she were shooing a fly.

[User] At the end of his rope, Subaru scratched his head for a while…until he arrived at an idea and nodded. “Hey, Beako, let’s pick up where we left off yesterday. Okay? Good. Thanks.”

[Assistant] “You self-indulgent fool! You don’t speak for me!”

[User] “Nah, I’mma go ahead and max out my self-indulgence credits on you. So.


[User] "Revisiting yesterday’s conversation, if you won’t send him off, how about welcoming him home?"

[Assistant] "This is not up for debate. I don’t want to. End of story. Why are you so obsessed with this to begin with, I wonder?"

[User] "Why? Well, because it’s important." Subaru crossed his arms and nodded.

[Assistant] "I know it seems like I’m blowing this out of proportion, but there are some things you just need to say when the moment comes. Otherwise, you might regret it later. You’ll be like, Ahhh, I blew it! Doesn’t that happen to you?"

[User] "No…I don’t suppose I’ve experienced that." Beatrice avoided his gaze, flatly rejecting Subaru’s assertion.

[Assistant] "Well, of course, you haven’t experienced it—you’re a shut-in homebody! A hopeless loser!"

[User] "Stop—I don’t know what that means, but hearing you say it churns my stomach. I get the sense that you are unfairly judging my very existence."

[Assistant] Subaru pointed a finger at her. "If you were offended by the words alone, that proves deep down, you know I’m right."

[User] "How many times must I tell you—I don’t understand that word!" With a tired frown, Beatrice slid her fingers into her curls and bounced them like springs.

[Assistant] "I’m not understanding what you’re trying to say, I suppose. Just spit it out and get the hell out of my Archive."

[User] "Hey, Beako…wanna make a bet with me?"

[Assistant] "A bet?"

[User] "That’s right, a bet. A little friendly competition."

[Assistant] Beatrice frowned in confusion at the sudden strange proposal. She scrutinized Subaru dubiously, then said, "A bet…what a crazy idea. I have no logical reason to agree to it."

[User] "If you choose to do or not do things solely based on logic, you’ll grow up to be a really boring adult. Though being a super chaotic adult like Roswaal isn’t so much better."

[Assistant] "That’s one thing you and I can agree on, I suppose."

[User] But setting aside the eccentric stepping stone that gave them common ground, Subaru held up a finger and said, "So that’s why you and I should make a little wager to have some fun—keep you from growing up into a boring adult. Playing with fire and getting away with it is a privilege that people like you and I can only enjoy when we’re kids."

[Assistant] "So let’s say you and I did make this bet…what would I gain from winning?"

[User] "You’re a shrewd one. Since you’re interested in the prize, does that mean you’re game?" Beatrice frowned and said nothing. But her silence was his gain.

[Assistant] Subaru turned to face the girl, and he extended his right hand.


[User] Beatrice stared at it dubiously.

[Assistant] "I cry out, and you fly out—"

[User] "With a meow-meow-meowww!" With a boisterous response to Subaru’s call, particles of light gathered in Subaru’s hand. The light immediately took the shape of a small cat as the palm-sized cat Puck jumped onto Beatrice’s hand. Puck washed his face, his beady black eyes brimming with mischief. "Lia requested it, and I’m helping out because I agree with it, but…Subaru? I’m surprised how roughly you handle cats."

[Assistant] "Well, there’s a saying in my homeland about needing a cat’s help when you’ve got your hands full—and this cat just happens to be helpful in so many ways." Subaru did come to Puck for help comparatively often, both for his usefulness and amicability. And he wound up asking for Puck’s help this time, too. And the result—

[User] "Aww… Oh, Puckie, you’re so cute and fluffy—you’re Betty’s ideal, I suppose." As expected, Beatrice melted when she caught Puck in her hand. As she girlishly blushed over the little kitty.

[Assistant] "You’re so predictable you’re almost a walking cliché, but if you win the bet, you’ll win Puck Petting Privileges for a day. I’ve already gotten both his and his guardian’s permission."

[User] "To clarify, I am Lia’s guardian. Don’t get that wrong." Puck demanded, his tail standing straight.

[Assistant] "N-not a bad reward. I suppose you have good sense now and then." That aside, Beatrice nodded eagerly at Subaru’s offer.

[User] "I’m seriously worried that some guy is gonna take advantage of you when you grow up."

[Assistant] "Did I sense some snark?"

[User] "Nope, just your imagination. Now, if I win…you’ll add sending people off and welcoming them home to your list of duties. And not just for Roswaal—this applies to anybody in this mansion."

[Assistant] Her expression changed sharply when Subaru added this provision to the agreement. Naturally, she had suspected the conversation would take this sort of turn. Her eyes were deep with fatigue.

[User] "I won’t enforce this for little shopping trips to town. But in times like this, when everyone else in the household assembles to send someone off or welcome someone home, you’ll be there, too. No need to go out of your way to be a wet blanket, right?"

[Assistant] "I truly…truly fail to see why you are so obsessed with this." Beatrice stared thoughtfully at Puck, but she quickly resigned herself. Floating to the floor from her stepladder, she marched over to Subaru. "Fine. Tell me the conditions of the wager."

[User] "So you’re fine with taking the punishment if you lose?"

[Assistant] "It doesn’t matter because I won’t lose, I suppose. Now, the conditions." There was an exasperated quiver in Beatrice’s lips—agreeing to Subaru’s proposal angered her on a visceral level.

[User] Before she could change her mind, Subaru turned to look at the door behind him. "The rules are simple: a game of tag—well, double tag, actually."

[Assistant] "Tag…?"


[User] “You mean that game where someone is it and chases people, I suppose.”

[Assistant] “Yup, that’s the one. Except the rules are a little different. You’ll stay in the mansion proper, and you will be it.” When an invisible question mark formed above Beatrice’s head, Subaru clarified, “Right now, Emilia is running around the mansion. She’s the one you need to catch. But if all you had to do was chase Emilia and catch her, that would be too boring. Though I’d be super stoked if I were it.”

[User] “Subaru, Subaru, you’re going on a tangent,” Puck nudged him.

[Assistant] “Sorry. Anyway, while you chase after Emilia, you have to avoid getting caught yourself. If you catch Emilia, you win. But if you’re caught before Emilia, you lose—and there you have it. Double tag.”

[User] When Beatrice heard the game description, she frowned and twiddled her ringlets. “And I have to stay in the mansion proper? What about the garden or just outside the gate?”

[Assistant] “The garden is okay, but outside the gate is out of bounds. Also, no using your Passage or any other magic. Shifting planes makes you way too OP for tag, and magic can get people hurt.”

[User] “Hmph—that will put me at a disadvantage, I suppose. How am I supposed to catch Emilia without magic?”

[Assistant] “Use your brain, of course. Hide behind things, cut her off, et cetera. The same rules apply to Emilia—in the end, shrewdness will separate the winner from the loser!”

[User] “If you expect that explanation to entice me, there’s something wrong with you.” Beatrice frowned warily, but she was seriously considering the competition.

[Assistant] “Very well. Game on, I suppose. However—the younger twin cannot be the one to chase me.”

[User] “You noticed.”

[Assistant] “Of course I did. Not even the great Betty is foolish enough to think she can beat an Oni in a contest of physical strength. I must take every precaution in that regard.”

[User] In seeing through Subaru’s shallow wisdom, Beatrice smugly believed she had foiled his plan. If Subaru refused her caveat, there was no way that Beatrice would agree to the contest. Beatrice was in the right, after all. So Subaru reluctantly surrendered Rem’s participation. “After you leave, I’m going to count to a hundred before I chase after you,” Subaru explained. “Puck is going to stay behind in the Archive of Forbidden Books, so if you use your Passage to cheat, you’ll be caught immediately.”


[User] “Don’t patronize me. I would never do something so shameless.” Once each party’s terms were agreed upon, Beatrice handed Puck to Subaru.

[Assistant] Subaru took this as the signal to tell Emilia the game was on.

[User] “Mm-hm, she’s all set." Puck confirmed. "Lia is really excited to play. She’s already running in the mansion.” With a yawn about to escape from his mouth, Puck informed them that everything was good to go.

[Assistant] With that, Subaru gestured to Beatrice.

[User] The girl marched to the door, her skirt swishing as she went. “I’ll end this quickly and get straight to my cuddly tryst with Brother.” Her eyes brimming with confidence—likely over some scheme—Beatrice waved her hand and exited the Archive of Forbidden Books.

[Assistant] As he watched her walk out, Subaru started counting out loud. “One…two…three…four…five…” Crushing Subaru’s presumed trump card—Rem—Beatrice assumed she had already won. However, when it came to beating Subaru in a battle of shrewdness, it was safe to say that out of all the mansion members, Beatrice fell on the gullible end of the spectrum.


[User] The moment she slipped through the Passage, Beatrice understood she was standing before the dining hall. Beatrice had start-point selection rights. It was she who chose this as her starting point. She was confident that this gave her the best chance of winning. “Now then—I’ll just find her and end this quickly, I suppose.” With her previous apathy long gone, Beatrice was taking things seriously now that the game was on. She immediately set out to find Emilia, her goal. But before she could start, she looked up, sensing another presence.

[Assistant] And there stood a blue-haired girl at the side of the hallway. “Lady Beatrice, I see you’ve agreed to play the game.”

[User] “Indeed, I have. But you won’t be playing, I suppose. Betty is immune to that stupid boy’s schemes. I suppose he’s off sulking somewhere right now.”

[Assistant] “Yes, Lady Beatrice, you do have a keen eye. You saw right through Subaru’s plan to command me to do his bidding.” A hint of disappointment mixed in with Rem’s usual expression as she hung her head. She hadn’t used to display her emotions like this. And it need not be said whose influence had changed her.

[User] Displeased by this, Beatrice snorted daintily. “If you overcome this hurdle, stop helping that stupid boy. It’s a waste of time.”

[Assistant] “I suppose you’re right.” Rem replied. “I will consider your advice if you win, Lady Beatrice. But I still think that Subaru is amazing.” With a smile, Rem vouched for the fool whose plan Beatrice had foiled.

[User] Beatrice frowned, sensing an oddness in Rem’s smile. Then, immediately after—

[Assistant] “Ta-daaah!”

[User] “Ta-da-daaah!”

[Assistant] “Ta-da-da-daaah!” Loud voices suddenly boomed through the mansion, and Beatrice heard doors open in succession behind her.