[User] "Certainly the visible wounds have been healed, and fortunately, you need not be concerned about aftereffects hindering normal, everyday life. But…" As her words broke off, a bitter shadow came over Rem’s face. "The scars remain…not only on the body but the heart as well. Also, due to repeated healing, your body’s mana is on the verge of running dry."

[Assistant] "Ahh, that’s why my body’s a little sluggish… But that’s not a big problem, is it? Scars on the body are a man’s medals as long as they’re not on the back. And I’m pretty tough when it comes to mental scars." Subaru pointed his thumb at himself as he smiled to drive away Rem’s pangs of guilt.

[User] Subaru gazed at Rem intently. "You may look like you have it all together, but you really aren’t the calm type at all, are you, Rem?"

[Assistant] "I…understand." Her murmur seemed like the first drop to break the dam of feelings she held inside her. "I am powerless, talentless, and a reject of the demon race. That is why I could never live up to Sister. I was so slow-footed compared to Sister, and I could not think of any way to catch up beyond running faster." Rem covered her face with her free hand, continuing her confession as if squeezing it out of herself. "Sister did everything better. Sister never blundered. Sister never wavered. Sister was right about everything.


[User] “Sister… If it was Sister, she…” Rem’s words trailed off as she meekly looked up at Subaru. What rested in her eyes were not tears but hollow resignation and despair. “I was always Sister’s…substitute. I’ve always, always been inferior. Truly, I am a good-for-nothing. I could not catch up to Sister no matter how much I chased after her.” —Faint tears abruptly welled up in her eyes. “Why was I the one to keep my horn? Why wasn’t it Sister? Why was Sister born with only one? Why…? Why were Sister and I twins?” Rem’s lips trembled as she sought meaning for her very existence. The tears welling in her eyes rolled onto her cheeks, making Rem’s pale flesh glimmer in sorrow.

[Assistant] Subaru held his silence.

[User] Rem seemed unable to bear the quiet, hastily wiping the tears off her cheek. She spoke rapid-fire, trying to take back her preceding statements. “I…I am sorry. I said some very odd things. Please forget them. This is the first time I have said such strange things to anyo—”

[Assistant] "Hey, Rem." Subaru called her name, cutting her words off midway.

[User] Rem:


[User] "As for the third… You know what it is, Rem?"

[Assistant] "I…do not understand at all. I am always insufficient; I can never reach as far as—"

[User] "Yes, that. That’s the third stupid thing." Subaru pointed at Rem and how she never missed a chance to put herself down. Then he raised a third finger and waved the three about. "Rem, just because she’s your older sister, you build her up and put yourself down to where it almost kills you… I don’t think Ram’s always in a stronger position than you, okay? Her stamina’s worse than yours, her cooking’s lousy, she slacks off work, she makes snide comments… I suppose she thinks a little too much, too?"

[Assistant] In Subaru’s mind, Ram’s specs were a long way from the pillar of perfection Rem spoke of. She was an older sister with talents behind her younger sister in every area. Surely the sisters themselves were well aware of this. That was what Subaru supposed.

[User] "N-no…you are wrong. Sister is truly… If she had her horn, you would never judge her so—"

[Assistant] "But Ram doesn’t have her horn. So I don’t know a Ram like that." Subaru, cutting off Rem’s attempt to firmly deny herself, continued. "The Ram I know is just like I described. She can’t hold a candle to you in cooking, sewing, cleaning, politeness, or the way she talks—well, I don’t think that last part is a bad thing, really."

[User] It wasn’t bad to butt heads with her over her haughty manner of speaking from time to time. To Subaru, the distance between him and Ram was more comfortable. "It’s probably only you who’s worked up about whether she has a horn or not. Comparing someone else’s good points and your own bad points just gets you bent out of shape."

[User] "Whatever she doesn’t have, you have. So accept it already… You’re gentle, a hard worker, always doing your best, and your breasts are bigger than Ram’s, too—"

[User] "Ow! Hey, don’t smack me with tears in your eyes like that!" Subaru recalled his brief conversation with Ram in the forest. There, he had learned that Ram wasn’t particularly hung up any longer on what she had lost as a demon, to the point where he believed Ram wanted Rem to get over it, too.


[User] "If it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead and dog food right now. I’m safe and sound because you were there. I’m alive now thanks to you. That’s your doing, not your sister’s." Subaru was simply conveying to Rem his exceptionally simple feelings about the matter.

[Assistant] “…Truly, Sister could have done it better.”

[User] “Maybe she could have…but you were the one there for me.” Subaru poured cold water on her weak rebuttal as he brought his left hand over his right, which still held Rem’s hand.

[Assistant] “—!” A choked sob escaped Rem’s throat at his words. After that, Rem turned her face aside so that Subaru would not see the look on it.

[User] "I’m glad you were there for me, Rem. Thank you.” Subaru put enough gratitude into his voice to make himself blush.

[Assistant] “I…I have always been a substitute for Sister…”

[User] "Stop defining yourself with lonely words like that, all right? You and Ram are different genres. I mean, she’s the older sister and you’re the younger sister—sometimes you’re gonna clash.”

[Assistant] "Well, I haven’t really asked why she lost her horn, and since I didn’t ask I don’t know. I don’t know, so I don’t want to talk like I do know, so…” Subaru put his left hand on the upper part of his own forehead—patting it right where Rem’s horn grew out of hers.

[User] "Ram doesn’t have her horn, and you have yours, so you can just do whatever she would need a horn for. You can just be two demons getting along great. There’s nothing stronger than love between beautiful sisters, right?”

[Assistant] “…Ah…”

[User] "So I mean, you said you were a substitute, but Ram has no substitute for you, does she? I mean, if you weren’t there for her, can you imagine the state she’d be in?”

[Assistant] “…But…” Yet even so, Rem did not simply nod in agreement. Rem, aghast, didn’t know this, but Subaru had seen such a future. He had seen Ram, despairing at the death of her younger sister, go mad and use all her remaining strength for the sake of vengeance.

[User] "I get it. So, how about we do this? You have an idealized Ram inside you that you can never compare to no matter what you do. Let’s take that ideal Ram you have on a pedestal and send her packing."

[Assistant] “That is…easier said than done. I have always compared myself to—”

[User] "That’s why I want you to listen to how I rate her. My rating’s based on reality, not the ideal. Just so you know…I don’t have any talent for reading the mood at all, so I just call ’em like I see ’em, no flattery or mercy.


[User] "What you see is what you get.” Subaru smiled at Rem, grinning as he stroked her blue hair. It tickled her, but she merely narrowed her eyes, drawing a small sigh out of Subaru. “Where I come from, they say, ‘Talking about the future makes a demon laugh,’ so…”

[Assistant] Rem said nothing and merely tilted her head a bit as Subaru continued caressing her head and speaking.

[User] “Laugh, Rem. Don’t make a glum face. Laugh. Let’s laugh and talk about the future. Let’s make up for all that living in the past you’ve been doing and talk about what’s to come. I mean, even if we start with tomorrow.”

[Assistant] “…Tomorrow?”

[User] “Yes, tomorrow. Anything’s good, all right? Like, whether it’ll be Japanese or Western food for breakfast tomorrow, or even if you’re going to put on your right shoe or your left shoe first. It doesn’t matter how trivial, there’ll be a tomorrow, so we can talk about it. How about it?” Subaru spread his arms, prodding Rem for an answer.

[Assistant] Rem hesitated to reply for a while before lowering her brows with a conflicted look. “I am…very weak…so I will most likely lean on you a great deal.”

[User] “What’s wrong with that? I’m weak, too. I’m not very smart, I’m not good-looking, and I can’t read the mood, which gets me down even when I’m the one saying it, but I still get by because the people around me help me. We just have to lean on one another and move forward.”

[Assistant] “So let’s laugh, hug each other, and talk about tomorrow. I’ve always dreamed of laughing with a demon and talking about the future, anyway.”

[User] “…You truly are possessed by a demon.”

[Assistant] “You bet.” Subaru closed one eye with the corner of his lips curled up.

[User] Rem apparently couldn’t resist making a small smile herself. She laughed, and as she laughed, tears poured out of the corners of her eyes. The seemingly endless tears poured out, flowing and flowing, but Rem continued to laugh even so. Rem laughed, Rem cried, Rem buried her face in a pillow to suppress her laughing, sobbing voice. Even so, her mirthful, tearful voice quietly filled the room. Subaru gently caressed Rem’s hair the whole while, his right hand grasping hers. Softly, softly, he stroked her hair.


[User] The man’s gentle voice contained a masculine eloquence that was the product of years of experience. “First, I must thank you for your service during my aaabsence. The situation was salvaged thanks to your efforts.” His tone was casual, but its firm, unwavering resonance made Ram’s shoulders tremble.

[Assistant] “I do not deserve such praise. Besides, in the end it was settled by your own hands, Master Roswaal—”

[User] “I mind not. Incinerating harmful beasts in the forest is no great expenditure of tiiime.” Roswaal waved a hand, speaking as if it was a trivial matter.

[Assistant] Ram was well aware that his claim was not false modesty, hyperbole, or an empty boast. She could not say a word to refute him. They were speaking to each other in Roswaal’s study on the uppermost floor of the mansion. As always, their nocturnal chats involved only the two of them.

[User] “Leaving past events aside, let us speak of something more construuuctive. For instance, what shall become of young Subaru from here ooon, I wonder?”

[Assistant] “…His body is most certainly largely healed. Lady Beatrice made many complaints, but she fully exerted herself to heal him, so…”

[User] “I wonder what illness has befaaallen her. I have known her for quite some time, and the boy is the first time I have seen her become so involved. Surely she could not have…? Ah, surely not…” Roswaal closed his blue eye as he discarded the implication of his own words.

[Assistant] Ram pretended not to hear the quiet portion at the end, not wishing to disturb her master’s thought process as she said, “Either way, if not for Lady Beatrice, I doubt we could have saved Subaru.”

[User] “Perhaps we should call that young Subaru’s good fooortune. Indeed, there are few more accomplished healers than Beatrice. I am embarrassed to say that I specialize only in the infliction of harm.” Roswaal shook his head and tilted it to the side a little. The corners of his lips formed a thin smile. It was a transparent, mild expression, the sort that would perfectly conceal his pleasure or displeasure from anyone but himself.

[Assistant] “Howeeever, I am guessing, from your stating this as the preface, that his condition is not so rooosy?”

[User] “Yes. Barusu has had his gate forced back to life after running dry twice in a short period of time. On top of that, he has been healed from life-threatening injuries, so…I wonder how well his gate can function after being forced open and abused like this.”

[Assistant] “Is this the diagnosis of Beatrice and the Great Spirit?”

[User] “Yes.”

[Assistant] Roswaal folded his arms and closed his eyes as he mulled the report over. Damage to one’s gate, and thus, one’s ability to use mana, was a fatal affliction for any magic user.


[User] "Though gates mend differently for each person, it would take years no matter what. He will face a very difficult choice.” Roswaal, bearer of the title of court magician, keenly appreciated the state Subaru was in.

[Assistant] Ram nodded at Roswaal’s conclusion before voicing how Subaru’s condition was even graver still. “It is not merely an issue of his damaged gate but the remnants of the curses as well.”

[User] “—I thought the danger of activation has passed?”

[Assistant] “The casters…in this case, the Urugarum…have been eliminated, so there are no casters to activate the curses…but the rites for them still remain in Barusu’s body.”

[User] “So they are intertwined with such complexity that even Beatrice cannot unravel them… My, my, that is a curse in an altogether different sense… I suppose this means we must reward his service all the mooore.” Though the rites remaining in the absence of their casters was some cause for concern, there was essentially no danger of their activating. However, Subaru’s body had taken the bullets that, in the worst case, would have spread to others still, those not only in his employ but also, more importantly, Emilia. As a result, Emilia’s participation in the royal selection had been preserved. It was, in every way, service that merited a reward.

[Assistant] “Incidentally, Ram…concerning the iiissue of the demon beasts, did you check on what I asked you to?” Roswaal asked with a meek look that was quite rare to see on him, and it threw Ram off a fair bit. He awaited her reply as she touched her forehead. Her finger prodded the old wound beneath her headdress.

[User] Ram felt the faint throb of the scar as she made her report. “As far as I have determined from the corpses that remain, the demon beasts were all hornless.”

[Assistant] Roswaal exhaled at Ram’s reply. He leaned back against his chair. “The demon beasts I mopped up were the same. Howeeever, that makes this something far larger than an issue of mere noxious beasts, does it nooot?”

[User] “A demon beast with its horn severed will obey the one who severed it. That would mean some fool directed the beasts toward your manor or your lands in general, Master Roswaal.”

[Assistant] “It is no doubt relaaated to the royal selection. Like the invitation to Garfiel’s land, this has interfered with us considerably.”

[User] Ram raised her eyebrows at the invocation of the well-known name. “Gar…Garfiel, you say?”

[Assistant] Roswaal had a conflicted look as he shrugged. His behavior was aloof, but Ram was acutely aware that this was no small matter. Indeed, it was a battle with low odds of victory. They needed every card they could add to their hand. Ram knew very well that she was one of those cards. Her inability to do anything but watch Roswaal battle alone chafed at her. “Let us return to the matter at hand. Do you have an educated guess as to the ‘ringleader’ who severed the horns?”

[User] “…Tentatively. But the trail has already gone cold.


[User] One of the children Barusu and Rem supposedly brought back from the forest vanished from the village the next day. When she’d asked about the girl with braids who the two had brought back, they had said the villagers all claimed they didn’t know the girl. According to the children, she became part of their group at some point, but they couldn’t say when. When she pressed further, they told her that it was that girl who had first brought the demon beast pup to the village, and it was she who had later brought the children past the barrier with her into the forest. She was all but certain that girl had been the ringleader. First the Bowel Hunter in the royal capital, now the Beast Mage here. Certainly a strange cast of characters.

[Assistant] "Yet they cannot best you no matter what they throw at you, Master Roswaal."

[User] "My, such a cheeky thing for you to say. Come." Roswaal smiled and beckoned with his hand.

[Assistant] Ram cut across the ebony desk to be at his side.

[User] Roswaal reached his arm around Ram’s small body, pulling her atop his lap.

[Assistant] "Because I could not be here last niiight for you, it must have been hard on you."

[User] "I know that you are very busy, Master Roswaal. Even if you leave my needs for later…"

[Assistant] "Ram, I have always tooold you…" Roswaal lifted her chin with a finger, turning her face toward his with a smile. "You and Rem are among those beings precious to me, so few I can count them on one hand. Indeed, if some terrible fate had befallen you in this incident, I am not confident I could have restrained myself." His finger remained on Ram’s chin as the dramatic words Roswaal tossed at her put an enthralled look on her face. Heat seemed to fill Ram’s eyes as she gazed at Roswaal from close up.

[User] "To Master Roswaal, Rem and I are—"

[Assistant] "Yes, to me, you and Rem are precious, vital, and irreplaceable…" As their words piled upon one another, so did their feelings as Roswaal beheld Ram with his yellow eye, pausing for a brief moment…

[User] "...pawns." Roswaal spoke to Ram in theatrical style. His words did not carry the slightest hint of guilt, for he was stating what he regarded as pure truth.

[Assistant] "...Yes." Her cheeks reddened as she nodded back. Ram’s demeanor was perfectly docile and full of adoration as Roswaal pulled her even higher on his lap.

[User] "Nooow, then, shall we begin? You pushed yourself quite considerably, yes? You are quite mana-depleted, even though I told you to take it easy."

[Assistant] "I am very sorry… Please." Ram untied the headdress atop her pink hair as she acknowledged Roswaal’s words.


[User] Roswaal slid a finger past her hair to where a faint white scar rested on the upper reaches of her forehead. —It was the last vestige of her life as a wonder child among the demon people. Roswaal grazed his finger across the scar like it was a beloved, wonderful thing. “—The blessings of the stars upon thee.” Four glimmering colors flowed along Roswaal’s arm and converged upon the tip of his finger to become a white light. The light coursed down his finger and poured into Ram’s scar.

[Assistant] —The technique to transfer mana directly to another demanded exceptional skill. If the elemental composition of the mana was not perfectly balanced, the mana would harm the recipient’s body when converted back into energy. It was a “therapy” that Roswaal could employ because he was attuned to all four major mana affinities and was accomplished at using them all at a very high level. For demons, the horns on their foreheads formed the pipeline through which mana passed in and out of the body. Their horns, which functioned much like stronger, finely tuned gates, were the foremost reason the demons were a powerful race. But Ram had lost her horn due to external factors, leaving her body unable to draw in mana or emit power as her body demanded, a loss all the graver because Ram’s body was top tier, even by demon standards. Left to her own devices, her body would simply wither away. These private nighttime chats were a daily event so as to prevent that from happening. Ram felt her body come back to life as mana poured into her through the horn scar. She let herself luxuriate in the sweet feeling of warmth filling her body from the inside out when she said out of the blue, “Ah, I forgot something. There was something else I need to report to you, Master Roswaal…”

[User] “Mm? And what would thaaat be?” Roswaal continued the treatment with one eye closed while Ram sank into thought for a while.

[Assistant] She seemed to be at odds about how to word it exactly. "Rem has…fallen in love with Barusu.”

[User] “Mm?”

[Assistant] “It would seem Barusu has…grazed all of Rem’s weak points.” Rem was the younger twin sister. As her older sister, Ram was painfully aware of her younger sister’s state of mind. Put another way, she knew all too well that it was not in Rem’s nature to be honest with herself.

[User] “Rem has, has she? Weeell, perhaps it is not so mysterious. After all, she does not serve me out of loyalty, unlike youuu.”

[Assistant] Ram remained quiet before her master’s assessment of her younger sister in silent agreement. Unlike Ram, who loyally served Roswaal without asking anything in return, Rem viewed that as a betrayal of the self. To Rem, Roswaal was very much “Sister’s patron.” Since her sister was her very purpose in life, Rem’s thought process never extended beyond that.


[User] It was that line of thinking that made Rem so reckless and rash when it came to defending her community; take your eyes off her, and she’d eliminate anyone she viewed as a threat to it without a second thought. Ram believed Subaru had been saved because he’d gained Rem’s trust before she could assault him. Of course, all that being said, Ram still regarded Rem as the cutest little sister in the whole world, someone more important than Ram herself. —But if someone asked her if Rem occupied the highest pedestal in her heart, Ram could not simply nod and agree.

[Assistant] “Regardless of Rem’s feelings, you shall remain firmly in my hands, Ram. Where you go, Rem shall invaaariably follow. You seeee, things shall be as before. Nooothing will change.”

[User] “I…suppose so, though now that there is one more precious thing to Rem, the chance of her acting rashly is even greater, one might say.”

[Assistant] “Let us cross that bridge when we get to it. This is important work for tomorrow, after aaall.” As Roswaal jested, light faded from his palm. The treatment was over. Ram felt full not only of life but also disappointment as she slid off Roswaal’s lap. After Ram rose from his lap, he rose from the chair. “Things shall be busier from here on. It shall require much labor, but I am counting on you and Rem, yeees?”

[User] “As you wish. I am yours, Master Roswaal, as I have been since that fiery night.” Ram grasped the hem of her skirt and bent her knees in a reverential curtsy.

[Assistant] Roswaal noted her display of loyalty as he crossed his hands behind him and walked toward the window. He glanced at Ram, following beside him, as he opened the curtain. When he looked up at the sky, and the full moon floating within it, Roswaal narrowed his oddly colored eyes. “We must be victorious in the royal selection, no matter what…for the sake of my goal…” As he murmured, he reached out his arm, wrapped it around Ram’s shoulders, and pulled her close.

[User] Able to feel the warmth of his tall body for a second time, Ram closed her eyes and leaned into him. She listened to the voice of the man beside her, her lord and master, the man she had given her soul.

[Assistant] “…For the day the Dragon dies.”


[User] Subaru is resting between his chores at the mansion.

[Assistant] "Subaru, can you take care of something for me?" At the sudden sound of the bell-like voice in his ear, Subaru turned around with a cookie in his mouth. And standing at the door of the dining hall, calling Subaru, was a beautiful girl dressed in white. Her long silvery hair shone like the moon, her violet eyes sparkling like amethysts—she was a half-elf who possessed an inhuman beauty. Her name was Emilia.

[User] "Oops, are you still working? I hope I’m not interrupting."

[Assistant] "Mm’nope, I’m on break. I don’t think there’s any national law saying you’re supposed to work with cookies in your mouth." Swallowing the rest of the cookie, Subaru smiled at the worried girl. As Emilia sighed in relief, Subaru noticed the unusual object in her arms and raised an eyebrow. It was still fresh in his memory, the musical instrument unique to this world—

[User] "Ah, I see you have a lyulyre. I thought it was busy collecting dust in the storage closet."

[Assistant] Echoing Subaru’s sentiment was a maid who was also taking her break in the dining hall. She had short blue hair and wore a revealing maid uniform—she was Subaru’s coworker and head of staff at the mansion: Super-Maid Rem. Rem was a master of all household tasks and handled just about every chore in the mansion—the cookies Subaru was eating were baked by her as well. Currently, she was enjoying a little tea break with Subaru.

[User] "If Liliana forgot to take it with her, I guess that dust-covered lyulyre is hers?"

[Assistant] "Not even Liliana would forget such an important instrument…I hope."

[User] "That pause revealed a glimpse of your distrust for Liliana."

[Assistant] "Oh, Subaru, don’t make a joke out of it. No, it was Roswaal—that incident with Liliana inspired him to take it out on a whim. He thought somebody could play me a tune to help me clear my mind in between my studies."

[User] "And I was the first person he thought of? Wow, that’s oddly considerate for Rozchi." Subaru slowly took the lyulyre from Emilia and gave it a light strum. A gentle tone filled the room, and Subaru looked right at home with the instrument. The lyulyre was a wooden instrument that resembled the guitars from Subaru’s world. It was on the smaller side, but once you got the hang of it, it wasn’t all that different.

[Assistant] Rem’s eyes widened as she watched Subaru comfortably handle the instrument.

[User] "Subaru, you can play?"

[Assistant] "Yeah, it’s easy. It’s not much different from the six-string we had at home. Liliana also gave me a crash course, so if it’s folk songs you want, I’m your guy."

[User] Rem tilted her head.

[Assistant] "Six strings?"

[User] "Just another name for guitar."


[User] As he answered Rem, Subaru thought back to the colorful girl who had trained hardcore with the instrument—Liliana.

[Assistant] Up until only a day ago, the bard had been a guest at Roswaal Manor.

[User] As expected of someone who made a living off music, her singing and her strumming were sublime.

[Assistant] It was so impressive that not only were the ladies of the mansion enamored, but Subaru had also become her secret fan.

[User] But while her talent for music was genius-tier, her talent for basic human functions left much to be desired.

[Assistant] Still, the mess she got herself wrapped up in was finally settled, and normalcy had returned to the mansion.

[User] “So, Subaru, can you play any of the songs Liliana played?”

[Assistant] “I’d rather not—you’ll just compare me to her. Also, playing is one thing, but singing at the same time is next level. It doesn’t help that my voice isn’t amazing.”

[User] “But you are amazing, Subaru."

[Assistant] "Considering how useless your house-cleaning techniques are, I couldn’t have possibly imagined your incredible talent for music!”

[User] “Aww, shucks, you didn’t have to—huh? Wait, something sounded a little off. Was that supposed to be a compliment?”

[Assistant] “Hm?” Rem’s hands were clasped together approvingly, and her face filled with bewilderment over Subaru’s concern about her unintentional snark.

[User] Still, two girls expected great music from him. He wanted to put his best foot forward.

[Assistant] “Okay then, the Love Ballad of the Sword Devil—is too hard for me, so let’s go with a 70s folk medley.”

[User] “Aww.”

[Assistant] “Hey, don’t pout. This song is just as popular.” With a sheepish smirk at his disappointed audience, Subaru began to strum the strings of the lyulyre.

[User] “Acoustic guitars sound brighter, so please adjust that with your imagination.”

[Assistant] With that disclaimer, Subaru flipped through the sheet music in his memory and played the lyulyre.


[User] Reflecting the events and trends of the time, many 70s folksongs were melancholy love songs. Even without the lyrics, the ephemeral mood was embedded in the music. As the two girls listened to Subaru play, their eyes filled with grief and loneliness. Their rapt expressions tantalized Subaru. Seeing their faces made his heart smolder with pain—

[Assistant] “Secret technique! Teeth-Guitar—ARRRGH!”

[User] “Su-Subaru?! Oh no! How could you do something so foolish? !”

[Assistant] “Subaru?! Ah, how could you be so foolish? !”

[User] “Not in stereo, please…owowowow—ow-ow-ow!” In an attempt to liven up the somber performance, Subaru’s teeth and gums were utterly savaged by the freshly tightened strings of the lyulyre. His tooth-picking stunt was an ultra-difficult feat that only top guitarists could accomplish after extensive training. Naturally, this was too much for a third-rate guitarist like Subaru. It was a bloody disaster.

[Assistant] “Please, Subaru, calm down.”

[User] “Pain, pain, go away, come again some other day!”

[Assistant] “Nononono…no pain? Wow, it’s actually gone! Ahh, man, that hurt. Thanks, Rem.” Rem had cupped Subaru’s yowling face and cast a healing spell that emitted a faint blue light. Subaru was grateful to feel the pain fade away as the cuts on his gums closed.

[User] Emilia watched Subaru with her hands on her hips and an angry frown on her face. "Why did you do that? You really scared me. Promise you’ll never do something stupid like that again.”

[Assistant] “Sorry, my bad. It’s just, I know it’s technically my fault, but I didn’t like my song choice. Don’t blame ’70s folk. Blame me for choosing a song that clashed with the mood.” If he was going to play a song, it might as well be something lighthearted that both girls would enjoy. Folk songs were only for your crush, to bring the two of you closer.

[User] “I’ll play that last song some other time. Be patient, Emilia-tan.”

[Assistant] “Huh? I don’t exactly see what I need to be patient for, but okay. So…is the performance over? Are those all the songs you know, Subaru?”

[User] Subaru was relieved to see that, to his surprise, Emilia looked like she wanted to hear more. Song choice aside, Subaru had piqued Emilia’s interest in his playing. And since Rem didn’t have anything to add, she appeared to feel the same way as Emilia. Their interest in Subaru’s music—who would have gotten himself worked up regardless of any interest—made him eager to live up to their expectations.

[Assistant] “And yet, the only songs I practiced are 70s folk—the tragedy!


[User] "Damn, why didn’t I learn anything peppy or cool…” As Subaru cursed his past self,

[Assistant] "Having trouble deciding, Subaru? Then why not select a tune from Lady Liliana’s repertoire?” Rem raised a hand and offered a suggestion.

[User] "Sorry, but I’m not talented enough to learn music by ear, nor am I anywhere near as talented as Liliana. Aside from folk songs, I can only play easy stuff… The Flea Waltz is about as far as I go.”

[Assistant] "Subaru, you shouldn’t let fleas waltz into the house…”

[User] "Please don’t look so upset—I’m gonna feel bad! And I didn’t bring any fleas in here. It’s the name of a song! But if anybody does bring fleas in here, I’ll give them an earful later!” As Subaru apologized, Emilia replaced her accusing stare with a disappointed sigh. Then she clapped her hands and smiled, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

[Assistant] “All right, Subaru, if you play me one of Liliana’s songs, I’ll forgive you. And I promise I won’t laugh at you if you do a bad job, so no pressure. Okay?”

[User] “Lady Emilia is quite right, Subaru. I don’t care how hard it is, I don’t care how horrible you are, I don’t care how badly you fail—I promise I will not laugh at you, Subaru. So please, relax and fail. Don’t worry. Your Rem will dry all your tears.”

[Assistant] “I’m not gonna cry! Maybe don’t worry over me if it’s gonna be that excessive? !” With the apparent fear of his imminent crying hanging over his head, a deflated Subaru realized there was no turning back now.

[User] “Seriously, promise you won’t laugh if I suck. And I promise I won’t cry.” Leaving those words as a shield, Subaru held the lyulyre in playing position again. Then, with a light tilt of his head, he shot Emilia a pretentious wink and said,

[Assistant] “By the way, my lady…any requests?”

[User] “Oh, I know the perfect song! You know, the one that goes—” Elated that Subaru had agreed to play again, Emilia happily clapped her hands together.


[User] Then she closed her eyes, searched her memory for the tune, and began to sing— “La…la…lalala…” Emilia’s bell-like voice sang a string of notes in a few short breaths. The alluring melody in her beautiful voice made Subaru stop breathing. Emilia’s voice always held a bewitching quality that captivated and shook Subaru’s soul whenever he heard it. Subaru always assumed that his heart fluttered whenever she talked for personal reasons, but surely her bewitching charm extended to others besides him. As the sound pierced his eardrums and entered his bloodstream, an unstoppable feeling surged up inside of him, making the very core of his being throb. Her voice was so breathtaking that he found it hard to continue standing in her presence. She had originally started singing to communicate what song she wanted Subaru to play, but once in the song’s bind, Emilia could not stop. Neither Subaru nor Rem were willing to stop her, either. They simply stayed still, listening to her weaving a special sort of magic with her beautiful voice until it was over.

[Assistant] In time, the song came to an end, and Emilia took a deep breath. “Ah.” It was then that Emilia realized she had been hypnotized—she had lost herself in the song. Her white cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she looked over at Subaru and Rem in a slight panic. “S-sorry. When I was singing, I started feeling really good for some reason…”

[User] "Well…no worries, we could tell by watching you."

[Assistant] "You…really love singing, don’t you?"

[User] "I’m not sure…I never really had music in my life before…but yeah. This must be love…" Her hand to her mouth, Emilia nodded shyly.

[Assistant] Rem tugging quietly on his sleeve. "Um, Subaru…"

[User] "I know." Catching the emotion in her faint blue eyes and the eagerness to speak in her voice, Subaru nodded and gave a short reply of agreement. That was all it took to link their minds. It was an emotion that only those who had heard Emilia’s singing could share. Action… He needed to figure out what was the right thing to do here. That was the most powerful weapon Subaru had gained from his time living in this mansion. After being at the mercy of a chain of fate, Subaru had learned an important lesson. Your decisions and actions were the only ways you could change a cruel, uncaring world—and so Subaru, once again, rose to the challenge. As a pink-cheeked Emilia smiled at him, Subaru squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and said, “So, um, Emilia-tan…I’m not sure how I should say this, but…”

[Assistant] "Hm? What is it?" With her hands on her silvery locks, Emilia gave Subaru a curious look as he struggled to find the words.


[User] Her amethyst eyes, which were looking straight at Subaru, contained a trust that wasn’t quite the same as Rem’s. Her feelings strangled his heart, but he suppressed the emotion and bravely took the plunge.

[Assistant] “Emilia-tan…you can’t—”

[User] “—What was that dreadful sound? Did a bird just die? You’re supposed to be on break, Barusu. What ridiculous prank are you playing now?” The door opened mid-rant, the loud voice shattering Subaru’s bravery to pieces. The one who stepped into the room was a girl with pink hair and light red eyes, identical to Rem in every way aside from her hair and eye color and size of her bust. Ram looked the stunned trio over one by one with a look of disgust around the room. Then, after closing her eyes for five seconds and processing.

[Assistant] “Now, here’s something you don’t hear from me often. Can we all forget what I just said?”

[User] “Kudos for grasping the situation so fast—but you screwed it all up, Ram!” As Ram burst in and shook the whole room with the blunt truth, Subaru immediately exploded.


[Assistant] “O God…what hath this innocent child done that thou shouldst be so cruel…!”

[User] “For goodness’ sake, don’t be so melodramatic! Oh, I hate this! I’m so, so, so embarrassed…!” Emilia, her longer-than-average ears red all the way to their tips, pushed her face onto the sofa.


[User] She was the spitting image of a small child throwing a tantrum, denying reality with every fiber of her being. Subaru lowered himself to her eye level and spoke carefully and sincerely. "I get it. You don’t want to believe it. You want to question it. But you’re wrong, Emilia, because I have never once lied to…Well, to be honest, I’ve lied to you a lot, and I also teased you mercilessly because I love making you blush, but–"

[Assistant] "Really?! That’s news to me! How long have you been teasing me, Subaru? Tell me!"

[User] "Now’s no time to discuss that! Don’t try to change the subject!"

[Assistant] "Fine…but I still feel like I’m in the dark about something…"

[User] When Subaru let it slip that he wasn’t always perfectly honest with Emilia, she looked upset about never noticing. But Subaru spread his arms wide in earnest, eager to get back in her good graces. "This time, I’m telling the truth—not even a hint of a lie. I swear it."

[Assistant] "Subaru…"

[User] With a sincere voice, a solemn gaze, and heartfelt words, Subaru told her what he thought she needed to hear most. "You…are a victim of God’s mischief."

[Assistant] "Is it really that bad? !"

[User] "Well, the truth is so shitty, even I can’t believe it! Why does my Emilia-tan have to be tone-deaf?! She has such a sweet and beautiful voice—but the way she sings, there’s no way in hell anybody can ever be happy! If anybody’s to blame, it’s God! Either that or her parents should’ve stepped in before it was too late!"

[Assistant] "Aggggh…" While Subaru clenched his fists and made his emphatic proclamations, Emilia uttered a tired groan. Despite Subaru’s impassioned speech about her, Emilia still didn’t seem fully present for the conversation they were having. This was probably because she still didn’t believe she was tone-deaf. She was completely oblivious to the truth because of a condition that was particularly difficult to correct: sensory tone-deafness. Unlike a simple lack of coordination with her vocal cords, Emilia’s problem would be nearly impossible to correct because she could not perceive what was wrong. In other words, if she had any hope of defeating this formidable foe, Emilia would need the help of her family.

[User] "Puck! Ándele, ándele!" With a snap of his fingers, Subaru summoned Emilia’s family and the one responsible for this fiasco. Subaru had no authority to summon Puck, but Emilia did, and she went along with Subaru’s momentum and called into the sparkling green crystal hanging on her neck.

[Assistant] "You cry out, I fly out! With a meow-meow-meow-meowwww!" Faint particles of light spilled out of the crystal, converging into the shape of a small cat spirit. Singing a nonsensical line as he popped into the air, Puck landed on Emilia’s left shoulder, grabbed his long tail, and began to groom it. "What’s up? What’cha want? It’s my day off, y’know."


[User] "Besides, I thought you could hear what happened outside your crystal.”

[Assistant] “Did you not hear me? It’s my day off. And I sleep like a log.”

[User] “Dude, you spend your days off like a middle-aged dad…” With work hours of nine to five, the cute little cat couldn’t help but sound like a tired old office drone. Day off aside, Subaru quickly explained to the spirit what had transpired thus far.

[Assistant] After Subaru finished his story, Puck nodded in understanding and glanced at the side of Emilia’s face. “Now I see. So that was Subaru’s side of the story, but—are you really tone-deaf, Lia?”

[User] “I’m not…at least, I don’t think I am… Subaru’s overreacting. That’s what I think. I can definitely sing. I wasn’t joking around, I swear,” Emilia pouted.

[Assistant] Subaru fell to his knees, bit his lips, and hit the ground over and over. “Oh, if only you were just joking…if only…!”

[User] Puck looked back and forth between the pair, then with a snort of his pink nose, he said, “Well, I’ll have to hear you sing first. Take it away, Lia.”

[Assistant] “Ugh…if you laugh at me, I’ll hate you.”

[User] “But I’d never laugh at you. Even if everyone else in the world laughed at you, I would never.”

[Assistant] “Well, that was wildly chivalrous.” Muttering at Puck’s unexpectedly impassioned answer, Emilia sighed and closed her eyes. Then she hummed to herself a little to get the timing before she started singing. The only problem was that her rhythm was already off. Nevertheless, she began to sing. Having made it through her first song earlier, this time her voice stretched farther and sounded better. Seemingly aware of this herself, Emilia looked refreshed and cheerful when she finished her song.

[User] “Well?” Emilia asked, her cheerful eyes brimming with confidence.

[Assistant] “All right, let me see…” Puck murmured as he washed his face. “You know, I was always confident that I had done a good job raising you, Lia. You grew up into the sweetest and smartest girl in the whole wide world, and I truly believe this with all my heart.”

[User] “Oh…really? Gee, I feel kind of funny hearing that…” Emilia giggled, shy from the sudden shower of praise. But a silent however was lingering at the end of Puck’s sentence.

[Assistant] “Never before have I regretted my own shortsightedness more than I do right now…”

[User] “—Huh?”

[Assistant] “I’m sorry, Lia. I failed you—you are the best girl in the whole world, but I’m not the best father. That is my one true regret.” Right after saying this, Puck lifelessly slid off Emilia’s shoulder. As the spirit tumbled down, Subaru quickly reached out to catch him.

[User] And in the palm of Subaru’s hand, Puck weakly looked up at him. “Forgive me, Subaru… It’s all my fault…”

[Assistant] “It’s okay! Say no more, Puck. Nobody…nobody is at fault here. I mean, just look at how remorseful you are! Our hearts are on the same page, buddy. Am I wrong?”

[User] “Ha-ha…thank you."


[User] "Your words alone are my salvation. Oh dear—I suddenly feel very sleepy.” The light fading from his lustrous black eyes, Puck went limp. The outlines of his body faded, becoming particles of light and dissipating.

[Assistant] Frantically straining his voice to stop him. “No! Don’t go, Puck! Puck!! !”

[User] “Thank you…Tell my story…” As Subaru mourned the spirit disappearing in the palm of his hand—

[Assistant] Side-eyed the pair and screamed, “Oh, you two are the worst! Stupid Subaru, stupid Puck! Stupid! You’re both…stupid!” Emilia promptly lost it at their teasing and dashed out of the dining hall.

[User] Puck and Subaru exchanged glances. “Yeah, we went too far.”

[Assistant] Deeply regretting their little charade, they frantically chased after Emilia.


[User] “There are three main types of tone-deafness. Inability to differentiate sounds, inability to make sounds, and inability to stay on beat. If you crush each of these problems one by one, even the worst tone-deafness can theoretically be cured. In other words, Emilia-tan can be fixed!”

[Assistant] “Th-that’s a-meow-zing!” As Subaru raised his fist and lectured, Puck gave the expected cliché response.

[User] The spiel Subaru had just given was actually a sales pitch he had seen once on a TV infomercial. The veracity of the claims was dubious, but it was at least a step up from trying to help her without a plan. Pitch, vocal cords, rhythm—those were the three main sources of bad singing, so by necessity, that was where the cure lay. “First, let me break down Emilia-tan’s problem so it’s easier to understand. From what I’ve heard, my best guess is the two main causes of her tone-deafness are pitch and rhythm. Her vocal cords shouldn’t be a problem because she was able to make sounds perfectly fine—also, she’s got a pretty face.”

[Assistant] “Subaru, Subaru, tangent.”

[User] “Oops, my bad—not that it’s bad to say that she’s got a pretty face—anyway, she can make sound without any issues. So she only has two problems to overcome: pitch and rhythm. Now repeat after me!”

[Assistant] “Pitch and rhythm!” Puck added his voice to Subaru’s. They were both eager to cure Emilia’s tone-deafness.

[User] “Hummmph.” Emilia sulked on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She was not even slightly motivated. Still, the telltale twitching of her ears showed she was listening to their conversation, which was adorable.

[Assistant] “Since Emilia-tan was able to appreciate Liliana’s music, that proves her ears can tell the difference between good and bad sounds. Since she can hear others’ singing okay but can’t hear her own, that probably means she’s unconsciously correcting her own mistakes in her head as she sings. Let’s fix that first.”

[User] “Easy for you to say, but how are we supposed to do that?”


[User] "The most basic way is to have her listen to a properly performed song hundreds of times or have her hum along until she can match the pitch… It’s surprisingly easy to become self-aware if you try. Which brings us to step one…" Subaru was ready to plunge into Emilia’s treatment plan. But right before he could pull out his secret weapon—

[Assistant] "Just when I thought things were getting quiet, why did you all have to start carrying on with selfish abandon, I wonder?" A terribly grouchy voice cut in, and Subaru wearily shook his head.

[User] Then he turned to face the shameless wet blanket and let out a sigh in her smug little face. "Dammit…we’re trying to stay positive here; don’t be a downer. You should read fewer books and read more rooms. Like this one—read the room."

[Assistant] "For some reason, that line is uniquely vexing coming from you. I don’t even suppose I understand the meaning of this. Why are you doing whatever it is you’re doing in my Archive of Forbidden Books?" Closing a book with a loud crack, the girl sitting on a stepladder far back in the room stuck out her tongue. With a frilly dress and her hair in sausage curls, the immaculately dressed girl resembled a porcelain doll. She was the librarian and resident of the mansion—Beatrice. And she and Subaru were like cats and dogs—Subaru wanted to be friends, but since she was such an easy target, he usually ended up antagonizing her. He just couldn’t help himself.

[User] "Well, what’re we supposed to do? This mansion doesn’t have any soundproof rooms. If we did this in some other spot in the mansion, Emilia’s voice would leak through the door or windows. And then what? If word gets out that Emilia’s tone-deaf, she can kiss the royal selection good-bye."

[Assistant] "Is my singing really that bad?" The threat of losing the royal selection was too much for her, and Emilia could no longer stay unresponsive.

[User] Beatrice turned an icy gaze on Emilia and said, "I couldn’t care less about what becomes of this girl’s future. Besides, I don’t suppose that serves as an explanation for why you all are making such a racket in my library."

[Assistant] "Beako, surely you understand? Normal rooms aren’t soundproof. But we don’t have to worry about that in the Archive of Forbidden Books. This room is on a different plane of existence. So no matter how loud the singing lessons get, nobody’s inconvenienced!"

[User] "And I’m telling you, I have never been more inconvenienced in my life!" Beatrice yelled, grabbing the hem of her skirt and jumping off the stepladder. Her anger was justified, and her argument was sound. But it was an undeniable fact that Emilia needed the Archive of Forbidden Books for her singing lessons.

[Assistant] So it was then that Subaru pulled out his anti-Beatrice trump card. "Betty…are we really bothering you that badly?"


[User] “Do you…really want us to leave?” Puck implores Beatrice, his round, coy eyes wet with tears, his long tail limp in his paws.

[Assistant] Beatrice instantly lost all her momentum and looked nervous. “B-Brother, you did nothing wrong, I suppose! But my Archive…”

[User] “I know, Betty. I know just how much you cherish this room. But we need your help. I mean it. So please…won’t you help me?”

[Assistant] “Brother…” When the spirit she worshipped as a brother pleaded with her so earnestly, Beatrice’s heart quickly faltered.

[User] “I win.” Subaru murmured, grinning wickedly.

[Assistant] Oblivious to Subaru, Beatrice gave a canned response. “W-well, I have no choice, I suppose. Very well. I cannot say no to my brother.” And with that, she was worn down until she gave in.

[User] Subaru and Puck nodded at each other, and Puck launched his entire body against Subaru’s open palm in a dramatic high-five.


[Assistant] “We have a long, hard road ahead of us. But let’s stay positive and push through it!”

[User] “Rah! Rah! Rah!” Puck cheered.

[Assistant] “But I never said I wanted to fix my tone-deaf—uh, what I meant to say is, my singing may be a little off, but I never once asked you to fix it…”

[User] “All right, I’d like to start the actual lessons now…Emilia-tan, are you gonna keep sulking forever? This matter is crazy important, y’know?”

[Assistant] “Oh, come on. I don’t think a little crummy singing qualifies as a catastrophe. You and Puck are both horrible.”

[User] “Wow, haven’t heard crummy used in a while…and dang, how stubborn can you be?”

[Assistant] "Go away."

[User] “What I don’t understand is, how can somebody who’s usually so openhearted be so stubborn when it comes to singing?”

[Assistant] “Well, it’s humiliating. You and Liliana are both good singers. Meanwhile, I’m obliviously tone-deaf. I just…don’t want to believe it.”

[User] “Aww, that’s actually very cute. But we can’t have you acting like that…” As Emilia turned her back on them and blushed, her guard was starting to weaken.


[User] However, knowing that wasn’t enough to sway her decisively, Subaru cracked his neck and said, “The best way to make a tone-deaf person self-aware—is to have her objectively listen to herself sing. Ideally, we’d use something to record you singing, but unfortunately, such a convenient item does not exist here.”

[Assistant] And so, giving up on technology, Subaru decided to try out a more primitive method. “What’s that…a bucket?”

[User] “Let me introduce today’s guest: Mr. Bucket. This guest lecturer is going to show Emilia-tan here how tone-deaf she is. Don’t worry, he’s had a bath, so this is completely hygienic.”

[Assistant] “How exactly are we supposed to use…Mr. Bucket?” Puck asked. “Can I get inside of him?”

[User] “I understand the feline urge to climb into cozy-looking spots, but not now. Mr. Bucket is easy to use—we put it on Emilia’s head and have her sing.”

[Assistant] “Huh—?”

[User] “Pfft, I say.”

[Assistant] At Subaru’s suggestion, Emilia gasped, and Beatrice burst out laughing. “Um…sorry, I think I misheard that.”

[User] “What do I do with this bucket?”

[Assistant] Subaru smiled and held out the bucket. “You wear it on your head. Then you sing. You’re gonna be a bucket-headed heroine now.”

[User] “Stupid Subaru! And here I was trying to take you seriously!” In her anger, Emilia attempted another escape.

[Assistant] But Subaru quickly grabbed her arm. “Whoa, hold up! No, Emilia, I’m not joking, okay? If you put this on your head and sing, your voice bounces off the bucket walls, and it’s easier for you to hear it! I’m not lying, I swear!”

[User] “This is your just deserts for lying all the time, I suppose. You’re just like the farrow tamer in Hoshin of the Wilderness.”

[Assistant] “Sounds like you’re calling me the boy who cried wolf, loli-menace! Just shut up for a while.” After pausing to shut down Beatrice, Subaru turned back to Emilia to explain his case again while she leveled her withering gaze at him. The last time she stared at him so harshly might just have been the day he was first summoned to this world, when she had introduced herself with a witch’s name and Subaru had unknowingly used it when talking with her. In any case, Subaru was desperate to communicate his sincerity, especially after the bucket suggestion had shaken Emilia’s trust in him. “If you hear yourself sing, you’ll understand what level you’re at! I’m telling the truth, I swear—just take my word for it and you’ll see for yourself!”

[User] “Just take your word for it? Gee, that’s convincing! Well, I’m done with being tricked, thank you!”

[Assistant] “So untrusting! Who made you like this…”

[User] “Only yesterday, you told me to just take your word for it and made me eat some bad mayonnaise! Just remembering how upset I was is making me angry all over again!”

[Assistant] “Shit, it was me? Stupid past-Subaru! But I’m a different man today, Emilia.


[User] "I’ve changed for you!” Though she got the sense that Subaru was trying to drag her down a bad path by steamrolling her, Emilia yielded all the same. She looked down at the bucket in her hands, timidly raised it above her head.

[Assistant] "You won’t laugh at me?”

[User] “No, I won’t laugh. I would never laugh at you.”

[Assistant] “You promise?”

[User] “Even if everybody else laughs at you, I promise I won’t.”

[Assistant] “Is that really the best thing to say right now?” Subaru flat-out ignored the question that came from Puck, who sat on his shoulder.

[User] Emboldened by Subaru’s reassurance, Emilia put the bucket over her determined face. The bulky sides completely covered her head—and the bucket heroine burst onto the scene.

[Assistant] “I knew this is what Emilia-tan was going to look like, but for some reason, seeing her like this makes my heart break…”

[User] “Don’t worry, Lia. Even with a bucket on your head, you’re still the prettiest girl in the world.” Subaru’s guilt got the better of him while Puck’s paternal love for Emilia remained steadfast, no matter what her appearance. Subaru lamented that his love wasn’t as deep as Puck’s, but he still got the sense that their encouraging words had done little to bring Emilia any joy.

[Assistant] "Pfft, I suppose.” And even with a book covering her face, Beatrice’s failed attempt at masking her laughter was painfully obvious.

[User] Under all that scrutiny, Emilia bravely turned her bucket face toward Subaru. "So you just want me to sing like this? It’s really constrictive, though—whoa! My voice!”

[Assistant] “Yeah, most people don’t get an opportunity to hear what they really sound like. Keep the bucket on and just sing for fun like you normally would. I’ll even accompany you.”

[User] Emilia shook her bucket head side to side at Subaru’s offer for lyulyre assistance. The effect was quite absurd, but even with a bucket on her head, Emilia kept her dignified tone. "I’ll be fine. I want to try singing on my own at first.”

[Assistant] “Oh yeah? Well, let me know if you need any help. I’ll, um, give you all the half-assed strumming I can muster.” It was questionable just how much of a help Subaru’s third-rate guitar skills could be for Emilia’s tone-deafness.

[User] Bucket-Head Emilia tucked her chin in a frown.

[Assistant] “La…la…lalala…” Without Subaru’s help, Emilia hummed a little rhythm and started her song. The bucket muffled the sound of her voice, but there was no dramatic change in her singing. In other words, she was still singing out of tune, but if everything went according to plan, Emilia ought to be able to hear it this time.

[User] “Terrible.”

[Assistant] “Yeah, terrible.” Subaru echoed emotionally.


[User] “Beyond terrible, I suppose.” Beatrice, who had declared a forgiving tolerance for Liliana’s music, twisted her face in disgust. A person’s talent for music was left to fate. It would be a mistake to blame Emilia for what she lacked. However—

[Assistant] “Ahh—”

[User] “Oh?”

[Assistant] With a lingering, gravelly note, the pathetic song abruptly cut off as Emilia lifted the bucket off her head, her silvery locks tumbling around her face, freeing herself from the bucket.

[User] “I’m sorry…but please give me some time alone.” And with that, the now self-aware tone-deaf girl sadly retreated from the Archive of Forbidden Books.

[Assistant] “No, wait—you can’t run! That’s all you’ve been doing today!” Quickly regaining his wits, Subaru made a mad dash after her.

[User] “Emilia-tan has come to terms with her faults and has committed to taking lessons to get a voice that matches how wonderful she is! Her first step is gaining the ability to recognize pitch! Okay, team? !”

[Assistant] “O-okay!”


[User] At first, Emilia bid a hasty retreat, but she had committed herself to Subaru’s lessons ever since her tearful return. The revelation of her own tone-deafness had greatly affected her. One couldn’t exactly call her cheerful, but her fiery zeal for learning was burning strong. “There are two ways to learn to recognize pitch. First, listen to the same song over and over until you memorize the proper pitches. And second, put a bucket on your head and learn to correct the pitch as you go. You could also hum around the clock.”

[Assistant] “But how can I listen to a song with the correct pitch? Liliana isn’t here anymore…”


[User] “Liliana isn’t the only person in this world who can sing in tune, you know? Beako would probably do the trick. Hey, Beakooo? Sing something for us.”

[Assistant] “What?! Why must I be the one to do such a thing, I wonder?” With an aggravated sigh at Beatrice’s sudden defiance.

[User] “As long as we have to do the lessons here, you might as well help. We’ll finish faster that way. And until we finish, we’re gonna be holing up in here rather frequently.”

[Assistant] “Mrrrggg… Still, I refuse to be ordered around by the likes of you.”

[User] “Yeah, yeah, I think I know what’s going on. For all your smug critiquing, you’re a snobby little lady who’s all talk and no action. Okay, I get it. Just park yourself in the corner and read.”

[Assistant] “Who are you calling all talk and no action?! Don’t mock me, boy! Fine, I’ll help you, I suppose!” And Beatrice gave the textbook reaction to Subaru’s reverse psychology.

[User] The ease with which she was manipulated made Subaru worry about her future, but for now, he appreciated her gullible nature.

[Assistant] And then the ditzy doll marched up to Emilia, pointed a finger right at her, and said, “I’m going to teach you, failure of a girl—the true spirit of music!”

[User] “Uh, you don’t have to be that hardcore…” Subaru muttered.

[Assistant] “Y-yes, Professor! I eagerly await your instructions. I…promise I’ll stick with it.”

[User] “She’s so obedient all of a sudden? !”

[Assistant] The sense of danger in Beatrice’s egotistical declaration actually made Emilia trust her more. From the look of her, she was ready to plunge herself into a singing bootcamp.

[User] “Okay, to get a good sense of rhythm, it’s best to move your body while singing to practice creating the rhythm yourself. Clap your hands or stomp your feet. Just try synchronizing.”

[Assistant] “Okay, Lia, try clapping with me. Ready, go! One-mew, one-mew, one-mew!”

[User] “One-m-mew, one-mew…” Puck mimicked the clapping Subaru did during his explanation and coached Emilia in turn.

[Assistant] “One-mew…eep!” Emilia grew increasingly flustered as she tried to keep up with the spirit’s soundless clapping paws.

[User] As Emilia clapped the rhythm, Beatrice put the bucket back on her head and calmly said, “All right, you’ll sing with this on again, I suppose. And I’ll discipline you until you can match me perfectly.”


[Assistant] The Archive of Forbidden Books was currently hosting a girl in a bucket, a doll-like girl staring sharply at her, and a small cat spirit boisterously dancing around them—from the outside, the sight could not be more surreal.

[User] “This is like a nightmare. It doesn’t feel real…but if I had dreams like this, I’d probably see a psychiatrist.” Subaru muttered.

[Assistant] Still, in theory, these lessons ought to cure Emilia of her tone-deafness. Everyone involved was intensely focused. Things were settled enough here that Subaru could finally tend to a problem of a different nature.


[User] "Sorry, guys, but nature’s calling me."

[Assistant] "What is nature calling you about? I have no idea what you’re saying, I suppose."

[User] "The bathroom. There, now you made me say it. How embarrassing." After giving Beatrice a moment of smug satisfaction, Subaru left the room. He stole a glance at Emilia, and she seemed anxious, but as there was a bucket on her head, he couldn’t know for sure. When Subaru left the Archive, Beatrice’s Passage was triggered. It was a liminal space connecting you with any door you wanted in the mansion, and this time, it spit him out directly beside Roswaal’s study. It was something Beatrice could only have done because she knew exactly what Subaru intended to do under the pretense of going to the restroom.

[Assistant] "That snarky little loli…" Subaru muttered under his breath as he knocked at the door to Roswaal’s study. "Rozchi? It’s me. Can I come in?"

[User] "Indeed, you may, my boy! I was hoping you would come by rather soon to have a little chat with meee." Gaining permission from the room’s master, Subaru boldly entered the study. Sitting at the ebony desk of the spacious room was the eccentric clown-faced master of the house—Roswaal L Mathers. He beheld his underling Subaru with his heterochromatic eyes

[Assistant] "Nowww, it sounds like you’ve gotten Emilia caught up in some scrumptious drama again."

[User] "I didn’t ‘get her caught up in it,’ exactly. Emilia was actually the one who kicked things off this time. I’m sure there’s a ton of things you want to say to me right now, but please, take it easy on me just this once."

[Assistant] "So you’re saying I should overlook her neglecting her studies when the royal selection is just around the corner?" Roswaal’s jab stung, but his eyes were playful. He eagerly awaited Subaru’s excuse with open arms.

[User] Subaru sighed, lamenting his master of strange fancies. "It might look like we’re wasting time, but taking a breather is important. Especially now. Everyone—including you—must’ve noticed she’s getting herself wound up way too tightly these days." The very day Subaru was summoned into this world, her badge was stolen in the capital. Right after that, demon beasts terrorized the marquis’s lands, and the very next day after that, Liliana brought more trouble into their lives. However, even though Emilia was involved in every incident, she did not directly confront and resolve the problems herself. Given her position, she wasn’t allowed to purposefully put herself in danger, but this probably made her painfully aware of her own helplessness. And Subaru theorized that this had directly led to her overcrowded schedule. Emilia would not hesitate to push herself beyond her limits to help someone else. The fact that she would surrender her limited free time to Subaru was evidence of this. Evidence that, if true, warmed Subaru’s heart.

[Assistant] "If you ask me, I wish she would work just a liiittle harder, though." the marquis said.


[User] "Ohh, fine, fine, I understaaand. I’ll allow this…‘breather,’ as you say." Roswaal raised a white flag from beneath the pile of sales pitches Subaru hurled at him.

[Assistant] That being said, it was not Subaru’s words that had moved the marquis, but his consideration for Emilia’s mood as of late.

[User] "You were the one who showed Emilia the lyulyre in the first place, weren’t you, Rozchi? I don’t know what kind of 4D chess you’re playing, but wouldn’t ya say things are going exactly the way you want?”

[Assistant] “When you’re in my position, there are quite a few of annoyances, my boy. And there’s Emilia’s personality to consider. I could always ask her to rest now and then, but would she listen?”

[User] “Nope, she wouldn’t. She’d smile and nod, then sneak off and work herself extra hard behind closed doors. I can practically see it.”

[Assistant] And she shone so brightly when she got like that. Which was probably why he longed to support her.

[User] Whatever ulterior motives Roswaal might have, he was Emilia’s backer. So while their hearts were surely in different places, Roswaal’s ulterior motives were not the priority on this day.

[Assistant] "Be that as it maaay…is Emilia’s singing really that terrible?”

[User] "It is. For someone with such a pretty speaking voice, it’s a miracle she sings so terribly.”

[Assistant] “Oh, there you go again. Aren’t you exaggerating a little?”

[User] “It’s the same feeling you’d get if somebody took the gourmet meal of everybody’s dreams and burned it to a crisp on a griddle.”

[Assistant] “Oh dear, what a waste.”

[User] “Yeah, it is.”

[Assistant] It was a cruel truth that no amount of sympathy could hide.

[User] After they shared a painful nod of understanding, Subaru raised a hand at Roswaal and said, “I’d better head back to the Archive. I told everybody I was going to use the restroom, so if I’m gone too long, they’ll think it was number two.”

[Assistant] “I think more than enough time has passed for them to make that assumption. Having said that, take good care of Emilia for me.”

[User] “I will. Just for a little while longer…I’m gonna let Emilia be Emilia-tan.”

[Assistant] “Oh my, oh my…ha-ha-ha, what a way of words you have, my boy.” Roswaal chuckled loudly at Subaru’s roundabout way of talking.

[User] Now that their mutual understanding had been renewed, Subaru left the marquis’s study with his newly acquired permission.


[Assistant] “Okay, I’m going back…but has Beako changed the room location already?” He started by opening the door next to the study that should connect to the Archive of Forbidden Books.

[User] Ordinarily, the Archive’s position would have moved, leaving him with a reference room full of papers. However—

[Assistant] “Ooh, sweet."


[User] "I’m in." Luckily, the Passage had not been moved, and Subaru returned to the Archive without any difficulty.

[Assistant] "I’m back, guys! Man, there was such a long line at the bathroom…" Giving a canned excuse as he entered the Archive, Subaru surveyed the trio standing in the room. They hadn’t moved since he left.

[User] "Nooo! Please, spare me! I’m begging you, anything but that!"

[Assistant] "My patience has worn thin, I suppose! You are making a mockery out of music! Step right outside with that bucket on your head and sing! I know what you lack—a sense of urgency!"

[User] "Betty, sweet Betty? Please don’t force poor Lia to do something she doesn’t want to. Just give her a break. Even if she’s tone-deaf, she’s still a cutie."

[Assistant] "But you’re too soft on her! That is the cause of her impudence, I suppose!" With her sleeves rolled up, Beatrice meant business. She was yanking on bucket-headed Emilia’s hips while the latter clung onto the bookcase. Puck, meanwhile, was flying around them both and clapping his hands.

[User] Subaru’s eyes glazed over. He had a vague sense, and if he was right, there was little he could do aside from sighing in defeat.

[Assistant] "So I originally started this exercise as a sort of fun way to help Emilia blow off some steam…but is this actually helping her relax at all? I’m beginning to think we put the cart before the horse here…" Feeling vaguely worried that his promise to Roswaal had already been broken, Subaru had no choice but to insert himself into the trio’s chaotic lesson.

[User] "Okay, Emilia-tan. Do you think the lessons have yielded any results? Think you can sing better?"

[Assistant] "I won’t let you down, Subaru. Thanks to Puck’s and Beatrice’s hardcore training, I’ve been reborn. Okay…maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I’ve gotten better."

[User] "Ooh! Her confidence blossomed then wilted just as fast…!" Her skin was made tougher by the strict lessons, and Emilia answered Subaru’s question with pride. Her boot camp buddy, the bucket, lay at her feet, and from the polished shine on its surface, it looked almost like it was proudly watching over its pupil as she prepared to sing.

[Assistant] "But do you really think all that practice was enough to cure her?"

[User] "If all that practicing still didn’t cure her nightmarish singing, the world is doomed, I suppose."

[Assistant] "Hey! Peanut gallery! Don’t kill her confidence! You’ll see your results soon enough!" Subaru silenced the gossiping duo as Emilia did her vocal warmups. She stood in the center of the Archive of Forbidden Books, focusing so hard on her singing that she didn’t even notice them. Then she gestured to Subaru with her eyes.

[User] "Mm…mm…mm! Okay! Subaru, I’m ready when you are."

[Assistant] "I’ve got’chu, Emilia-tan.


[User] “One last thing: No matter what happens, promise me you won’t cry.”

[Assistant] “You’re clearly the biggest skeptic of us all!” Beatrice barked.

[User] On Emilia’s cue, Subaru readied the lyulyre. Then, with a gentle strum, he played the soft first movement of the Love Ballad of the Sword Devil. To be honest, compared to Liliana, his skills left much to be desired—

[Assistant] “But when Emilia-tan gives her all, how pathetic would I be if I played it safe?”

[User] Besides, if Emilia were to embarrass herself, Subaru could share some of her shame if he played poorly. Even before she began singing, his mind was swimming with ideas of how to cover for her—that was the sheer impact her tone-deafness had. As such, his expectations for her culminating performance were low—

[Assistant] “La…la…lalala.”

[User] Once she got past the prelude, a bell-like tone spilled from Emilia’s lips. The moment Subaru heard her, he gasped. Puck and Beatrice’s eyes shot open behind him.

[Assistant] Because her sound, flow, and pitch were perfect. Closing her eyes and swaying her shoulders back and forth, she let the music take over, Emilia channeled all her feelings into her singing. She stayed on the beat as practiced, matched the pitch as told, and sang the song as taught. And from the ashes—a voice as clear as the chiming of silver bells was born. A voice so angelic and so bewitching that it would enthrall anyone who heard it. Emilia had said she never took singing lessons. She didn’t know the first thing about proper singing technique. It would not be hyperbole to say that her singing before was torture to listen to. But Emilia, devoted and pure at her core, had thrown herself into her practice to overcome her shortcomings. And she had absorbed the lessons like a sponge soaked up water—

[User] “Hmm!” Subaru frantically shook himself out of his rapturous daze and focused on his strumming. Emilia’s singing was so bewitching that Subaru’s lyulyre had started lagging and falling out of sync. He played as hard as he could, desperate to not fall behind any further.

[Assistant] “—Thank you very much.”

[User] In time, the trance-like performance came to an end. With Emilia’s bow, Subaru snapped back to his senses. When her song finished, Emilia lifted her face and timidly checked her audience’s reaction. She was unaware how bad she sounded before, so naturally, she also had no idea how her singing sounded now.

[Assistant] “W-was I still terrible? That makes sense. If tone-deafness could be cured so easily, it wouldn’t be such a big deal…”

[User] She was so oblivious that she immediately misinterpreted their shocked silence. Subaru had to shake his head to dispel his awe before running up to Emilia and saying, “Nononono! Emilia-tan—that was awesome! Where did that death rattle from earlier run off to? !”

[Assistant] “Death rattle—what are you talking about?"


[User] "Wait a minute…did I get a little better?" Emilia was taken aback by the unfamiliar criticism, then she tilted her head in confusion and asked Subaru.

[Assistant] "Not a little. You were perfect—perfectamundo! It was like, that’s what we wanted to hear all along!"

[User] "Yup, yup, you were amazing, Lia! That’s my Lia—sweetest girl in the world!" Puck jumped on the bandwagon and followed Subaru’s compliment with gushing praise.

[Assistant] Emilia stared at the cat on her shoulder, then at Subaru with big round eyes. From the look of her, she still didn’t believe it.

[User] "Brother is right, I suppose. It wasn’t bad."

[Assistant] "But don’t get cocky. You still need to practice, I suppose. You are grossly inadequate compared to that bard girl whose only talent is singing." Beatrice praised Emilia’s singing while dissing Liliana with a backhanded compliment.

[User] "I’m so happy to hear that—I’m not tone-deaf anymore, then. I overcame my tone-deafness!" Putting her hands to her mouth, Emilia said.

[Assistant] "You did! I dunno why, but I feel a crazy sense of accomplishment! Even though she’s just tone-deaf!"

[User] "Hey, I’m not tone-deaf. I’m formerly tone-deaf. Let’s get our terms straight."

[Assistant] Subaru and Puck nodded gently at Emilia as she wiped tears from her eyes.

[User] "Anyway, your work is done. Now, might you leave my Archive, I wonder?" Beatrice shot a tired sigh at the trio.

[Assistant] "Ohh, right. Sorry about that. But we owe our success to you, Beako. Thanks."

[User] "I only helped because I felt sorry for my beloved brother…that’s all. Besides, I suppose some parts of the song still needed a little help. Like that hm-hm-hmmm-hm-hm part at the beginning." Beatrice, who was already shooing them out of the Archive, paused briefly to give Emilia some corrections as a parting gift.


[Assistant] Subaru, Emilia, and Puck…all three turned to look at Beatrice, their cheeks tense as the air in the Archive of Forbidden Books froze solid the moment she hummed.

[User] "Wh-what is it, I wonder? You all look strange."

[Assistant] "Beako…what were you humming just now? Not the intro to Love Ballad of the Sword Devil, I hope?"

[User] "What else could it have been? Nothing else, I suppose." Beatrice boldly declared without a hint of doubt in her voice.

[Assistant] "Emilia-tan-" Subaru understood from the way she puffed out her flat chest as he turned to Emilia and Puck behind him.

[User] "It’s all right, Subaru." Emilia nodded. "I know what you’re thinking." At that moment, Emilia’s and Subaru’s minds were linked. Without a word, Emilia swept the all-important item off the ground and walked over to Beatrice.

[Assistant] "Hey…what do you think you’re doing?" Beatrice demanded to know as she approached.

[User] "Isn’t it obvious? You’re about to become Bucket-Head Heroine II," Subaru said proudly, pointing at the bucket in Emilia’s hands.


[User] "So you’re an oblivious tone-deaf girl, too! What the hell is wrong with this mansion?! Why are you music-loving, pretty-voiced girls like this—what a waste! What did you do in your past lives to deserve this karma?!"

[Assistant] "Me, tone-deaf? Impossible, I suppose! What a severe accusation! Don’t take it out on me just because you have a thing for that girl! It’s insidious!"

[User] "Beatrice, it’s okay! Professor Bucket here helped me overcome my problem. Just put him on, sing, and you’ll get better! Come on, put it on! Put it—ah, you look so cute!"

[Assistant] "GREEE—I suppose! GRAAA—I wonder! I’ll never do it! Never!" Flapping and running, the trio ran in a big circle, trying to get the bucket on and off her head.

[User] Hovering above the trio, Puck laughed and groomed his face. "Hmmm… So much for the spirit of music. It’ll be a long while before they can all appreciate the art of the muses.” With a pretentious air in his voice.

[Assistant] Puck ended the day of chaos that had begun with the fateful appearance of a lyulyre.


[User] Deep, deep in the forest— Grass and fragrant earth tangled and shrouded his feet as he walked in the dark. The gloom obscured the view. In the deep green, Subaru tread carefully. Lost in the darkness, his perception of time had grown vague. As his fatigue rose, so did his unease.

[Assistant] "Well, no need to worry about it being nighttime or anything. I still have a physical form—see?"

[User] Smirking, Subaru looked up at his companion currently sitting atop his head and said, "You sure don’t have any wiggle room when it comes to the end of our workday, eh, Dad? Just don’t forget to light a flare overhead to show where I am before you run out of power and clock out for the day."

[Assistant] "Hey now, do I really seem like I’d forget such an important task? I may look careless sometimes, but when Lia entrusts something to me, I make sure I get the job done!" Puck answered from atop Subaru's head with a chuckle into his paw. "Still, I’m surprised we haven’t found it yet." The cat stroked his furry chin thoughtfully.

[User] "Yeah—you said it. I’m just waiting for the countdown to true panic to start."

[Assistant] "Heh-heh, such bravado! You’re a man, all right."

[User] Subaru stuck his tongue out at the spirit. "Ram…if I die because of this, I’m haunting your ass." Cursing at the monotonous scenery, Subaru spat the name of his lost companion.

[Assistant] "According to superstition, spirits become hollows when people die, but in most cases, hollows tend to be stuck wherever the person died."

[User] "Oh, right. Earthbound spirits. And?"

[Assistant] "Wouldn’t it be funny if you got lost in the forest, died, turned into a hollow, and had to stay lost in that same forest forever?"

[User] "Talk about a lifetime regret!" Their banter eased Subaru’s fears slightly.


[Assistant] “Ahh. How peaceful…” Lazily leaning his torso over the dining table, Subaru felt quite cozy. He was dressed in his mostly black servant’s uniform.

[User] Sitting beside Subaru with a curious tilt of her head was Emilia, her silvery hair in a braid. "You seem really cheerful today, Subaru. Something good happen?”

[Assistant] “Something good did happen—you look really pretty today, Emilia-tan. You’re like a blessed rain, showering me with new joys each and every day.”

[User] “Do I really look that damp today?”

[Assistant] “You thought I was comparing you to a monsoon day? !”

[User] “I guess I’m starting to get used to her giving me the cold shoulder…I mean, yeah, a part of me definitely wants her to take me seriously, but that is just how complicated and unfathomable a man’s heart is…!”

[Assistant] “There he goes again, ranting to himself. Boys are so complicated…ooh! This tea is good.” Emilia brought her cup to her lips and smiled softly over the flavor.


[User] “Rem and Rozchi I can understand—they’re busy with work—but it wouldn’t hurt Beako to be more social.” Subaru frowned, particularly salty about the girl who had no work yet didn’t make an appearance.

[Assistant] Seeing the sour look on Subaru’s face, Emilia clapped a hand to her mouth and giggled. “Subaru, you really do like Beatrice, don’t you? You’re always so mindful of her.”

[User] “Like is a strong word… I won’t deny that she is on my mind a lot, but there’s gotta be a better way of describing my feelings for her…It’s like when you get a piece of squid jerky stuck between your back molars?”

[Assistant] If Beatrice heard Subaru’s assessment of her, that would have brought about another quarrel, but Emilia was even more amused, smirking over Subaru’s lackluster demeanor. So the two were enjoying a lovely little teatime like this. Until—

[User] A voice suddenly barged into the dining hall—a stiff, icy voice. It came from a girl standing at the entrance of the dining hall between the double doors. Her emotionless eyes glanced at the prune-faced Subaru, and she said, “I was gracious enough to make tea, yet you cast it aside in favor of debauchery… You’ve gotten too big for your britches, Barusu.”

[Assistant] “Hey, Emilia and I were just talking—you call that debauchery?! Besides, nobody asked you to get tea. I did nothing wrong, okay?”

[User] “I don’t like that you were having the time of your life while I had to work.”

[Assistant] “Dude, don’t be a tyrant…!”

[User] As Subaru rolled his eyes at the injustice, Ram, without a hint of charm in her eyes, snorted and said, “I was merely adding bias to impartiality and assessing your work ethic.”

[Assistant] “Keep your pesky bias out of your impartiality and assess me properly, dammit.”

[User] “But if I removed bias from my assessment, your teacakes would be served off the floor, Barusu.”

[Assistant] “Why does your assessment get worse when you remove your bias? !” Since the look in Ram’s eyes suggested she might fight him any second, he could not hide the hair-raising resentment in his voice.

[User] While Subaru fumed, Ram set the plate of cakes she had brought onto the table. Meanwhile, Subaru filled his empty cup with tea and poured another cup at the empty spot across from him for Ram. And as the pair finished setting the table for tea, Emilia giggled quietly.

[Assistant] “What’s up, Emilia-tan? Why the cute face?”

[User] “Well, you’re both in perfect sync when you squabble with each other. It’s funny to watch.”

[Assistant] With a revolted look on her face, Ram muttered, “Disgusting.”

[User] “Not so blunt—that hurt!” Subaru cried, clutching a hand to his chest. “But Emilia-tan does have a point. After all, I work with you more than anyone else in this mansion, Ram. We’re in the trenches together day in and day out—it’s only natural that we wind up working in sync. Right?”

[Assistant] “Revolting.”

[User] “Could we try to have an actual conversation?


[User] "!” As usual, she wouldn’t so much as throw him a bone. His perseverance was almost praiseworthy. Such was Subaru’s place in the Roswaal Manor hierarchy. Emilia ignored his advances, Beatrice snapped at him, and Ram gave him the cold shoulder—only Rem was nicer than necessary with him. He considered himself beyond blessed to be there.

[Assistant] “Still, it’s not like you to bake sweets, Ram. Now, Rem I’d expect to bake us a cake, but I didn’t realize her elder sister had any talents besides steaming sweet potatoes.”

[User] “Spare me your delirious ramblings, Barusu. I thought I told you—my specialty is steamed sweet potatoes. I don’t know the first thing about baking.”

[Assistant] “What the hell are you doing to your poor, overworked sister who can’t even make it to tea?” Subaru was shocked when he read between the lines and realized she had made Rem bake the cakes. Remembering how sorry Rem had looked when she informed them she was too busy to make it to tea left a bad taste in his mouth despite how sweet the cakes were.

[User] “But you know, meals at this mansion are dependent on Rem. Not trying to come to your defense here, Ram, but as someone who can’t cook, I acknowledge I’m a hypocrite for pointing that out.” After all, in his world, Subaru was a good-for-nothing nobody who could not be fixed even if somebody tried. He cut class, didn’t help out around the house, and aside from the unexpected talents of sewing and bedmaking, he was a supernova in the Slackers Universe. Due to this emotional baggage, Subaru peered over at Emilia in an attempt to change the subject.

[Assistant] Emilia covered her puffed-up cheeks with her hands and said, “Me? Heh-heh, well, you probably think I’m a lousy cook, Subaru, but I’m actually pretty good. I lived alone—well, Puck was with me—for quite a long time. Basic dishes are as easy as pie for me.”

[User] “Gee, haven’t heard the saying as easy as pie in a while…but how do I put this? Even though your story does add up, knowing you makes it seem just a tad bit suspect.” And that was because angelic Emilia emitted the aura of a girl who looked capable but secretly wasn’t. Subaru’s first impression of Emilia had changed drastically during the several hours they spent together at the mansion. Her strong genius vibes from their first encounter had melted away due to the glimpses of childishness and gullibility she had shown every day. Even so, her devotedness, kindness, and diligence were steadfast. And Subaru could say with confidence that that was what made her great. But setting that aside, it was also undeniable that she had an air of flawed beauty about her. And with the discovery of her tone-deafness the other day, Subaru had a feeling there was an even bigger bombshell still hiding inside of her.


[User] As Subaru gazed at her with worry.

[Assistant] "Grrr—you don’t believe me. Hmph! Fine. If you really doubt me, then I’ll cook something for you. Get ready. You’re going to be really surprised!" Emilia puffed her cheeks indignantly and said.

[User] "What’s this? I triggered a home-cooking flag without even meaning to? Am I gonna die?"

[Assistant] It’s tragic that the backlash after good news always made Subaru suspicious. Ever since Subaru arrived in this world, he couldn’t deny the imbalance of good and evil events. And since all the bad events preceded the good, whenever a good event came up first, it only made him all the more anxious. And if this good event was to be canceled, what by? If Subaru’s intuition was correct, Emilia would be a terrible cook, and Subaru would die the instant he took a bite.

[User] "Subaru, are you okay?" Emilia asked. "Your eyes are wandering. Got a stomachache?"

[Assistant] "I-I’m fine. Even if I got the worst heartburn ever, I would eat every last drop of the food you made, Emilia-tan. Please believe in me."

[User] "Fine, but could you please believe in me first?!" Subaru’s nonsensical fantasy had plunged Emilia into a full pout. Ordinarily, this was where Ram would deliver another brutal zinger—but the zinger never came.

[Assistant] "Uh—Ram? Something wrong?" Subaru cautiously looked over his shoulder to find Ram staring intently at her tea in silence. Then she took a careful sip to wet her lips and looked in Subaru’s direction. Her gaze turned Subaru’s spine to ice. Her already chilly glare had leveled up.

[User] "Um—Ram—is something the matter…?"

[Assistant] "Barusu…this tea…where from the tea shelf did you get it?"

[User] "The tea? Oh, so it’s about the tea! Well, you know, it’s the stuff hidden in the back of the tea shelf. I assumed it was expensive, so I sneaked it out and—owowowowow?!"

[Assistant] "Eep! Subaru?!"

[User] No sooner had Subaru confessed to his treasure hunt than his treasure was poured over him. His head dripped with scalding hot tea, and Subaru fell to the floor. A flustered Emilia tried to help by tossing the contents of the water pitcher on him. As Subaru lay drenched in hot tea and cold water.

[Assistant] "Why did you do that, Ram?! You’ve made Subaru’s clothes and the floor all dirty!" Emilia stared harshly at the suddenly violent Ram and yelled.

[User] "I also got burned, you know!" The air filled with Emilia’s misplaced scolding and Subaru’s screaming. But Ram reacted to neither. Emilia and Subaru exchanged concerned glances.

[Assistant] "Er, Psycho-Ram? What’s—"

[User] "How dare you…"

[Assistant] "Ram?"

[User] "Now you’ve really messed up, Barusu." Ram’s choked voice trembled with anger and uncontainable emotion. That’s why, instead of retorting, “No, you’ve really messed up!" all Subaru could do was exchange another concerned glance with the equally baffled Emilia.


[User] "That tea improves mana circulation within the body. It works on old wounds, too."

[Assistant] "By old wounds, you mean…"

[User] "My horn." Ram answered bluntly.

[Assistant] "O-ohh…now I get it. Your horn…" Subaru was the emotional one.

[User] "So…where can you find that tea?"

[Assistant] "This was completely my fault. I’ll pay you back, even if it takes my whole life…"

[User] Ram frowned. "Sorry to disappoint, but horn-restoring tea isn’t something you can just waltz into any store and buy. That tea was one of a kind. I made it by combining effective medicinal herbs and then adjusted its taste to my liking."

[Assistant] "Yikes, for real? Sooo…how hard is it for you if you don’t have that tea?"

[User] "It’s nothing serious. I’m just going to have many sleepless nights from now on."

[Assistant] "I’m so sorry!"

[User] Since it was a bigger deal than he’d bargained for, Subaru fell on his knees and begged forgiveness. "So where exactly do you find the ingredients for your original blend?"

[Assistant] Unable to let his guilt go, Subaru sat up straight on the floor and blurted the offer.

[User] Ram looked down at him, crossed her arms, and smiled faintly. "Aha, so you intend to help me gather the ingredients?"

[Assistant] "Well, of course. It was my fault…but, erm, Madam Ram, what is that terrifying glint in your eye I see?"

[User] "Fear not. They won’t take too long to gather. Everything can be sourced near this mansion."

[Assistant] As Ram smiled and said the word “sourced,” Subaru’s mind wandered not to foraging but hunting…and he wished he was just imagining it.


[User] "Ideally, I should go with you…" Rem apologized.

[Assistant] "What can you do? Ram and me being gone is one thing, but this mansion would cease to function if you were also gone for an entire day, Rem.


[User] It’s a right-man-right-place sort of thing. Then again, I’m not super sure I’m the right man or that the mountain is the right place…” It was so early that the sun was not yet up as four shadowed figures gathered in the mansion’s entrance hall. They consisted of Subaru and Ram, who would head out into the mountains, and Emilia and Rem, who had come to see them off. Emilia and Rem couldn’t accompany them due to their positions in the mansion. Because of this, Rem worried herself sick all night and was still giving Ram advice every few minutes.

[Assistant] "Sister, Sister, please be wary of Subaru when you’re on the mountain. Also, make sure Subaru doesn’t touch any dangerous leaves by accident. Don’t step on mossy rocks—you’ll slip. Also, if you happen to fall, I have a little chant that will make you stop crying—”

[User] "I’m good, thanks! I promise I won’t cry if I fall! Please, I’m not that fragile!” Subaru yelped.

[Assistant] "Yes, yes, understood, Rem. If Barusu cries, I should spit on his knee, right?”

[User] “Thanks for ruining it. Kiss it and make it better!”

[Assistant] Emilia sleepily stifled a yawn. "You should be okay with Ram nearby, but don’t do anything reckless or beyond your capabilities, okay? Be mindful of the weather and insects. You might swell up if they sting you.”

[User] "Don’t worry, if that happens, I’ll count on you to gently care for my swollen limbs, Emilia-tan. Also, it’s a real help, but are you sure you’re okay with letting me borrow Puck?” As Subaru asked this, the pendant Emilia usually wore around her neck hung from his. The glowing green crystal on it housed Puck, the spirit Emilia shared a covenant with.

[Assistant] "Don’t worry, I asked him last night. Besides, Puck would only interfere with my studies if he stayed behind. I’d feel much safer having him with you, Subaru.”

[User] "W-well, okay then, I’ll take you up on your kind offer and borrow your kitty." With a sheepish grin, he tugged on the pendant with his fingers. The spirit inside was supposed to come out naturally when it was time to wake up. He would have to wait until he reached the mountain to behold those powers.

[Assistant] "Not that I think it will, but if anything bad does happen up on the mountain, Puck will let me know. I’ll know your location immediately. Rem should be able to fly to your rescue, so don’t worry. Is that okay?”

[User] "I’d feel bad making you call a rescue party if I get lost mountain climbing, so I’ll be careful." Subaru said, grateful for Emilia’s thoughtfulness as he tapped the floor with the toe of his worn-in sneakers.


[User] He was dressed in his sweats for comfort during their hike. And with a bag on his back to gather the tea ingredients, his Backpacker Subaru costume was complete. "Barusu—you ready? We’re leaving."

[Assistant] "Sure thing, Missy, your wish is my command."

[User] After giving a reply to Ram’s usual curt tone, Subaru turned to Emilia and Rem and said, "Well, see you later. Sorry for the extra workload, Rem."

[Assistant] "No problem. I’ve packed a lunch in your bag. Do share it with my sister."

[User] "And since I can’t stand to keep it a secret, I’ll tell you I’ve included a special treat of my very own. Try guessing what it is!" And as the still-worried Rem and picnic-on-the-brain Emilia waved good-bye, Subaru and Ram set off into the morning mist, where the mountain awaited them.


[Assistant] They were out of the mansion and away from the well-traveled road that led to Earlham Village. As they left the town road and entered the mountain trail, Subaru posed a question to the slender back of the girl walking in front of him. "Now, about those tea ingredients…what exactly do you need again?"

[User] Ram held up four fingers, and without turning back, she answered, "There are four ingredients in total. First, we need mylegia blossoms. They’re a rare blue flower, but you can find them in the field where you tried to seduce Emilia."

[Assistant] "H-ho-how do you even know about that? !"

[User] "Since I know exactly where they are, we can get the blossoms on the way back. The second ingredient is in the forest. It’s baroe fungus, and it always grows at the root of a certain tree. I dry that and grind it into a powder—it’s poisonous, by the way."

[Assistant] "It’s poisonous?! Are we gonna be okay? !"

[User] "You’ll be fine—if anything, you’ll gain immunity. Now, the third ingredient is an eccentric one. There’s this red fruit that only grows on the top of a bolk tree—and I need the seeds."

[Assistant] "Ooh, sounds like we finally got a reasonable ingredient."

[User] "Bolk trees are unreasonably tall, and if you touch any part of the fruit other than the seeds with your bare hands, the poison is so powerful your fingers will practically melt off—be careful with them."

[Assistant] "More poison?! Are you the type of character who needs poison to live? !"

[User] "Medicine and poison are just two sides of the same coin. They can cure or kill, depending on how you use them. Also, I forgot to mention that the mylegia blossoms aren’t poisonous—they are carnivorous, though."

[Assistant] "My beautiful memory with Emilia-tan—defiled by carnivorous plants!" Rather, the thought that he had drunk such a lethal tea and found it delicious gave him chills. Its horn-wound curing properties were nice and all, but he worried that it might harm a normal human body. "So…am I gonna be okay?" he cautiously asked.

[User] "Well, I assume we’ll find out within the next twenty-four hours."

[Assistant] "Blech!"


[User] "I was a guinea pig without even knowing it!"

[Assistant] "That was a joke. The drug takes effect immediately upon swallowing it. If it were harmful to you, you would have died during the night."

[User] "That’s not even funny! Seriously, am I gonna be okay?!" Subaru made gagging motions with his mouth, but the tea he had drunk the day before had long been absorbed into his system. Praying that nothing bad would happen to him, Subaru focused on procuring the tea ingredients.

[Assistant] "So what about the final ingredient?" he asked with a sense of total dread.

[User] "The final ingredient…well, I will keep that a secret until we find it. A special little punishment from me to you."

[Assistant] "A punishment worse than drinking poison?"

[User] "You drank it of your own volition, Barusu. One could also say you gave Emilia poison."

[Assistant] As irony stacked on top of irony, Subaru fell deathly silent. Ram kept the fourth ingredient a secret, and the first three ingredients were all deadly. That meant either the final ingredient was surprisingly basic or something so fiercely horrifying that she hesitated to speak its name out loud. He fiercely wished it was the former and would rather be kept in the dark if it was the latter.

[User] "You know, going into the forest with you reminds me of when we looked for Rem."

[Assistant] "Ah yes, when you were pathetically mauled by a dog, and Master Roswaal dashingly came to your rescue."

[User] "The memory was indeed pathetic and dashing—you’re not wrong there—but we won’t have any encounters with demon beasts today, I hope? Just FYI, all I’m carrying in my equipment tab is an item bag and Shooting Star." Shooting Star was the name Subaru had given his beloved kitchen knife. Many a vegetable had fallen to Shooting Star, but it had yet to earn its stripes in battle. If he had to fight a demon beast with it, Subaru would rather beat a pathetic retreat.

[Assistant] "Don’t worry, Barusu, nobody expects you to be even slightly useful in a fight. Also, I’d rather Rem not scold me afterward. Why…why does the blame have to fall onto me anyway?"

[User] "Um, uh, sorry about that. Oh—that’s right! The Urugarum in the forest—Roswaal exterminated all of them, right? So why do we need to beware of demon beasts?"

[Assistant] "Urugarum aren’t the only demon beasts in the forest. In fact, now that their territory has opened up, I’d assume the demon beasts of the forest have started their turf wars, wouldn’t you? No demon beasts are as dangerous as the Urugarum, but you’d be reduced to a pile of bones if you met any of them."

[User] "Wasn’t planning on meeting any demon beasts anyway…not in a billion years, thank you very much.