[User] “How many times do you have to crack their skulls before they get smart?”

[Assistant] “Perhaps every time I crack their skulls, the lessons they learned spill out.” Rem’s lack of denial was shiver-inducing.

[User] Subaru sighed as he watched the men in white escape. For the past three days, Rem had driven them off just like this. “This time, it was the men in white.”

[Assistant] “True… Wait a minute, did I hear that right? This time, they’re wearing white?”

[User] “Well, the gangs that are targeting Lady Liliana seem to alternate between bands of men in white and bands of men in mismatched clothing. My theory is that the men in white realized they didn’t have the numbers and hired some extra thugs.”

[Assistant] “Wait, for real? Are you sure they’re the same people? Maybe it’s actually two separate gangs?”

[User] “It doesn’t seem terribly likely that two unrelated defenseless groups would attack at the same time for different reasons.”

[Assistant] Subaru nodded when Rem pointed this out.

[User] “Maybe we should knuckle down and try to catch one of them?”

[Assistant] “I considered that, but these people are incredible runners. If I chased after them full speed, I could probably catch one…but I worry that it might take me too far from the manor.”

[User] “Rem, don’t forget that there’s a couple boss-level characters in this manor besides you.”

[Assistant] “But I understand why you’d worry about leaving the manor for too long. If those people get impatient and come at us recklessly, that could be really problematic.”

[User] “Yeah, we want to resolve this as soon as possible. These are just brainless goons lashing out mindlessly, so they don’t pose a real threat to us…but if they get desperate, worst-case scenario, they might start going after folks outside the manor.”

[Assistant] “I just hope Ram finds the clues we need quickly so that doesn’t happen.”

[User] “Ram is smart, so I’m sure she’ll discover something right away.”

[Assistant] “Then again, even hearing that song didn’t give us any good ideas…”


[User] “Are we trapped by trivial constraints, I wonder?” Beatrice mused emotionlessly, teacup in hand.

[Assistant] “Boorish, pesky hoodlums like them should be swiftly uprooted and exterminated. We’ll feel much better once they’re dealt with.”

[User] “Dude, read the room. We’re trying to find a peaceful solution here.”

[Assistant] Ultimately, things might go the way Beatrice suggested, but obliterating their attackers without leaving a trace would put a bad taste in Subaru’s mouth. He had learned that during the demon beast incident. If anything, the stakes were even higher now since their opponents were human this time.

[User] “I’ll admit you do have a point. As long as we’re stuck defending, our options are limited… If we could find a way to go on the offensive, we might be able to wrap this case up in one fell swoop.”

[Assistant] “But we don’t have enough party members or intel for that.” Liliana finished Subaru’s thought.

[User] “It’s a stalemate. We could always cover our ears and wait for the storm to pass… Yes, let’s just do that.”

[Assistant] “How can you be so uninvested? We’re all doing this for you, you know?”

[User] Seeing how relaxed Liliana looked then, Subaru realized they wouldn’t need to be worried about how their relationship with her might change after they solved her problem. The only issue was that they still didn’t know how to solve the aforementioned problem.

[Assistant] “Huh. We attack them…” Subaru repeated his own words and closed his eyes thoughtfully.

[User] Emilia’s perfect eyebrows knit together in a frown as she watched him. "Uh-oh, Subaru. You’re hatching a nefarious scheme again, aren’t you?”

[Assistant] “Again? Give a guy some credit… You’re not wrong, though. It is nefarious.” With an evil smirk on his lips, Subaru turned to look at the four ladies in the room.

[User] And as they all stared back at him, Subaru raised a finger before proposing, “There’s a little strategy I’d like to try… Can you guys help me?”


[Assistant] "Man, that really was a stupid thing you did. It helped us out, though!” As the man spat and laughed, it took everything in Subaru not to crack a smile.

[User] They were in a dimly lit hut with its windows shuttered to obscure the outside. The only light source in the room came from ragmite ore, and it only faintly illuminated their surroundings. This gang was clearly used to playing dirty. That was Subaru’s assessment, at least.

[Assistant] “If you’d stayed holed up at that manor, that freak maid of yours could have kept you safe. Luckily for us, you just wandered out into the open.


[User] "Got a little cocky, did we? Eh?" The rough-looking man kicked Subaru.

[Assistant] He and the rest of his band sported a savage demeanor that just screamed, We are goons! There were eight of them in total, some inside and some outside the hut. Even if Subaru put up a serious fight, they had the numbers to easily beat him to death if they wanted to. "What’s this? Aww, how precious. Somebody’s shaking. Come on, lover boy, comfort her."

[User] A goon taunted her.

[Assistant] Beside the grimacing Subaru was a shivering girl hanging her head. Subaru protectively grabbed her hand while the other men laughed."Don’t worry, we’ll be okay. We’ll escape somehow…"

[User] "That’s brave of you. But there’s no way you’re getting outta here. We took lots of precautions to make sure that crazy maid won’t find us. Then again, we’ve got the girl now, so we don’t need you. After we give you a good thrashing, we’ll letcha go." The man made a show of cracking his knuckles.

[Assistant] Subaru gulped quietly and firmly squeezed the hand of the shivering girl. The peasant’s dress barely covered her body. Her exposed shoulders looked so fragile. Subaru gently put an arm around her to shield her from the ogling eyes of the thugs. When she shuddered, the men whistled.

[User] "Is it true?! Did you really get the girl back? !" Following the shout, the door violently burst open, allowing outside light to shine into the dark hut. Subaru reflexively squinted his eyes as he beheld the backlit figure at the door, who was panting and gasping for air. Several blinks brought the newcomer into focus. Subaru could see it was a young man. He was dressed well, and his hair was immaculately combed. The young man looked around the room, his eyes widening when he spotted Subaru and the girl.

[Assistant] "Ohh, Liliana! At last I’ve found yo— Wait, who’s this man?"

[User] "Some rich guy’s manservant who’s been hiding her. We caught them together, and—er, young master?"

[Assistant] The young man’s gaze stayed on Subaru, his cheeks reddening in the blink of an eye. From the way his goons were cautiously sussing out the young man’s mood, it was clear that he was their employer—the mastermind. As Subaru came to this conclusion, the young man snorted wildly and shrieked, "You bastarrrd! Wh-who…gave you permission to t-touch herrr? !"

[User] "Errr—ahh? !" The roaring man’s kick sent Subaru flying into a wall.

[Assistant] As Subaru’s eyes rolled from the sudden attack, the goons filled the silence with their own yelling. "Y-young master, what was that for? !"

[User] "B-b-because! That bastard was getting all cozy with my Liliana!" Shaking off the goons who were trying to hold him back, the young man knelt before Liliana. Keeping his eyes on the floor, he extended a hand and said, "Ohh, my dearest Liliana. We finally meet. ’Tis I, Kiritaka, your love slave."


[User] "When I heard the infamous demi-human lover brought you into his manor, a waterfall of pure anxiety nearly ripped my chest asunder. Ohh…ohh…Liliana…!" Apparently, the man named Kiritaka loved hearing himself talk.

[Assistant] Subaru couldn’t refute the accusation—he was aware of the marquis’s terrible reputation, so all he could do was don a sour look.

[User] Subaru rubbed his sore shoulders, turned to the goons, and said, "Hey, doesn’t it bother you, working for this asshole?"

[Assistant] "He pays us well. Just snatching that one little girl is gonna keep us flush for quite a while. So we can overlook his…you know." From the way the goons talked, it seemed they did know what their boss was all about.

[User] Now that he was aware of the gritty circumstances, Subaru foresaw a misguided conclusion to the brouhaha around Liliana.

[Assistant] "What happened, Liliana?! Why won’t your precious eyes look upon me?" When Kiritaka was confronted by the girl’s unbroken silence, his obsessive cries of passion came to a halt.

[User] His brows knit together, and he asked, "Why aren’t you speaking…? Did they do unspeakable things to you when they brought you here?!"

[Assistant] "Stop it, young master! We did exactly what you told us to. And I shouldn’t have to say this, but nobody in their right mind would do anything with a flat-chested, prepubescent girl like—"

[User] "When will these pesky flies buzz off, I wonder?" A girl’s voice growled just as Kiritaka and his men began to squabble.

[Assistant] The moment he heard it, Kiritaka looked up, his face reddening in shock. "Wh-who the hell are you?! You aren’t my Liliana!"

[User] "You don’t deserve to know Betty’s name." Right as Subaru was silently thinking, But you just told them your name, the pigtailed girl rose to her feet.

[Assistant] "Outside and inside, we have nine people. I wonder…will all those fingers be enough to give us what we need?" An instant later, the hoarse screams of the men echoed off the walls of the hut.


[User] "It wasn’t practical to follow you back to your home base, so we obediently let ourselves be kidnapped and let you take us straight to your mastermind. Luckily for us, you guys aren’t that trigger-happy."

[Assistant] "With everything you put me through, success was inevitable, I suppose." With a sigh, Beatrice rubbed her face and limbs with the towel Subaru handed her.


[User] As he watched Beatrice painstakingly wipe her body all over, Subaru folded his arms and said, “But dang, the more like Beako you become, the weirder that outfit looks on you.”

[Assistant] “And exactly whose plan forced me to dress like this in the first place?”

[User] “Well, my plan, obviously… I just didn’t realize I would cringe this hard.” As Subaru gave a disappointed shrug, veins popped on Beatrice’s forehead. She was currently dressed in a costume to fool their assailants—in other words, Liliana’s very-revealing dance outfit. Neither Liliana nor Beatrice looked particularly grown-up, yet for a reason Subaru couldn’t explain, seeing Beatrice in the skimpy outfit was somehow worse.


[User] (He wondered if it was because he knew her better and knew how she normally dressed.) "If you hadn’t asked me to and if that girl didn’t need help, I wonder what could’ve possibly made me do such a thing.”

[Assistant] “When I came up with the idea of using you as bait… Even I’m surprised by how rotten I can be sometimes… Still, at the end of the day, you’re kind of a ditz.”

[User] “It sounded like you said the most insulting thing possible just now.”

[Assistant] “Oh, no, it was a compliment. It’s the most cutting-edge expression of moe in the current era. Dunno about ten years from now, though.”

[User] Ignoring the sour stare from Beatrice, Subaru surveyed the carnage in the hut. All the goons were splayed on the floor after being beaten mercilessly by Beatrice. Kiritaka was down like the rest of them and had apparently broken the fall of a large goon. Subaru pressed his hands together and muttered a quick prayer for the man. One provision for the kidnapping ruse was that Liliana would not be put in harm’s way. It also wasn’t an option to bring Rem along as protection, since the men knew to keep their distance from her. And since putting Emilia in anything even resembling danger was unacceptable, that just left Subaru and Beatrice. To make it work, they asked Puck to persuade Beatrice, who had been very reluctant. After a quick makeover by the giggling girls, Subaru took Beatrice out to initiate their ruse. Not even Subaru, the grand architect of this ruse, dreamed that it would go this well. “My own resourcefulness scares me sometimes."

[Assistant] “But the fact that we made it all the way to the mastermind means Ram’s on a fool’s errand. Now it’s even more likely she’ll give me an earful when she gets back. Beyond lame.”

[User] “If you have time to grumble, you ought to tie them up so they can’t escape. I suppose the younger twin will arrive shortly and will need to take them back to the manor.”

[Assistant] “And there, Roswaal’s interrogation of terror awaits… I feel sorry for you guys…even though you brought it on yourselves.” This is what happens when you let infatuation get out of control. Subaru mused that stalkers were probably just as scary in any world. Though as for what exactly was so appealing about Liliana when she wasn’t singing…only Kiritaka, currently unconscious and foaming at the mouth, would know. “Well, either way, this was an unexpected resolution. When the men in white find out their mastermind got caught, they’ll either surrender or back off. So…case closed, I guess.” While he felt the ending was a bit anticlimactic, Subaru let himself relax for the time being. Then he reached for the cased lyulyre, which had gotten flung across the room. Beatrice had brought it along as an accessory to her Liliana disguise.

[User] “It’s okay, I hope?"


[User] "If it’s broken, there’s no telling what Liliana would do to me.” He carefully retrieved the lyulyre from its case and ran his fingers across the strings. Once he heard their gentle sound, he began to improvise a song.

[Assistant] Beatrice shot him a surprised look and said, “Hey…can you really play that instrument, I wonder?”

[User] “Yeah, it’s not much different from an acoustic guitar. I borrowed it now and again over the past three days; so as long as it’s seventies folk music, I can stumble my way through it.” In his former world, he would sometimes borrow his father’s guitar and kill time by playing folk songs. It was a pointless exercise, as nobody was around to hear him, but now, in another world, his work was finally bearing fruit. “Since the rights holders can’t hit me with a cease and desist here…maybe it’s time I bring a musical revolution to this world.”

[Assistant] “From what I know about you, when it comes to pointless skills, you’re second to none. I do wonder, what point is there in becoming so accomplished in pointless pursuits?”

[User] “Oh, burning with passion over pointless pursuits is what romance is all about, my dude.”

[Assistant] Beatrice shook her head and gave a frustrated sigh from the bottom of her heart. Then she inexplicably closed her eyes and listened to the music. Her expression was strangely peaceful. “Geez, what am I gonna do with you?”

[User] As Beatrice quieted down and respectfully listened to him play, Subaru was reluctant to stop. And making these little excuses to himself, Subaru would keep playing in a private concert for two—until Rem ran into the hut with a concerned look on her face.


[Assistant] “Wait. Are you saying Liliana’s songs had nothing to do with the attempted kidnappings?” Emilia murmured, her eyes wide with astonishment after Subaru told her what had happened. The plan had ended without a hitch. The goons and their mastermind had been brought back to the manor and were in the middle of a gentle interrogation with Rem and Roswaal. While waiting for them to finish, Subaru had gone to see Emilia and Liliana to inform the two very nervous girls that the situation was over. After he told them everything in the garden, both girls were relieved to hear that everything had been settled peacefully.

[User] “That really is good news. Subaru, I hope you aren’t hurt? Is Beatrice all right, too?”

[Assistant] “I almost cried when they roughed me up, but I’m keeping strong for you, Emilia-tan. As for Beako, as soon as she got back, she changed clothes and locked herself in her room as per usual.”

[User] “Oh, okay… It’s a little unfortunate since Beatrice looked so cute like that.”

[Assistant] Subaru smirked at Emilia’s disappointment. For Beatrice, the whole ordeal of being a dress-up doll had probably been quite agonizing. As soon as she got back, she took off the costume, hurled it at Subaru, and disappeared into the Archive of Forbidden Books.


[User] "Is that so…?" Liliana murmured docilely after breaking her silence. "That is too bad. I want to thank Lady Beatrice properly.” Understandably, as somebody who’d been the center of a crime that just got resolved, Liliana had a lot of feelings to process. Especially the part where she’d been a victim of an insidious stalker.

[Assistant] "So that mastermind, Kiritaka—anybody know him? From the look of things, he was quite enamored with you. Maybe he’s got bad eyes.”

[User] "Ignoring the last few words you said—well, yes, I do know him. Before I came here and before I visited Wawer, there was a little merchant town. I think he’s the heir to a famous merchant who lives there.”

[Assistant] "He looked filthy rich to me, so I guess that tracks… So, um, about him stalking you…please tell me you were at least partially aware of that.”

[User] "Well, he loved my songs, and he treated me to some yummy feasts…but I felt like I gave him a satisfying farewell.”

[Assistant] "Don’t tell me you just swindle a rich sap in every town you visit?” Between the rich old man in Wawer and the perv-merchant heir, he was starting to realize Liliana must be considered a beauty in this world. For Subaru, whose ideal was Emilia, it was a preference that was unfathomable. Subaru openly stared at her up and down.

[User] "Wh-what’re you doing? Stop undressing me with your eyes! What, have you finally realized my allure, now that you’ve seen other people obsess over me? Have you gone mad with love? !” Liliana huged her flat chest with her thin arms as she spoke.

[Assistant] "There, there. Just happy to see you’re back to your old self. And y’know, it’s never the victim’s fault when they’re stalked, so chin up. And here’s your lyulyre back.”

[User] "Humph! I’m not exactly satisfied by that! Thanks for the lyulyre, though.” Liliana was still frowning as she took the lyulyre case. But forced cheer was still cheer. Whatever spunk he could get out of her was better than nothing.

[Assistant] "What’s this, Emilia-tan? Why are you gazing upon me with such pretty and gentle eyes?”

[User] "Mmm, no reason? Just thinking that you are about as honest as Beatrice sometimes.” Emilia giggled into her hand as she spoke.

[Assistant] Subaru cocked his head in confusion.

[User] "Butbutbut, I’m afraid to say that now I am even more in your debt." Liliana sighed. "Now I’m in no place to ask the master of the house for a hero’s epic. What despair. My hopes are dashed!” Meanwhile, despite the crisis before her very nose being resolved, Liliana’s jaw dropped in desperation as she took an objective look at the situation she now found herself in. From her perspective, she had caused problem after problem for the residents of Roswaal Manor. Not even Liliana, a beacon of shamelessness, could bear to be that ungrateful. But knowing Roswaal’s true intentions, Subaru knew that Liliana’s anxiety was needless.


[User] "Well, I’m sure Roswaal will approach you with the details when the time comes. If anything, he might tackle you with a hug for being in his debt."

[Assistant] "Huh…? What’s that supposed to mean?"

[User] "You’ll learn soon enough."

[Assistant] Emilia is confused by what Subaru said.

[User] Liliana is confused by what Subaru said.

[Assistant] With a little “Now then!” Subaru stood up and looked up at the manor.

[User] "I doubt Roswaal will let the stalker and victim have a direct confrontation, but I’d like to get his opinion anyway. Let’s go see him."

[Assistant] "Oh, um, before we go, could we drop off my instrument and my change of clothes in my room?" When she heard they were going to where the mastermind was, Liliana asked a favor of him with a grim look on her face.

[User] "Okay, guess we’ll do that first. Emilia-tan, go ahead to the study without me."

[Assistant] "Understood. I need to make sure the wrongdoers are suitably punished," sweet and friendly Emilia muttered crossly as she balled her slender hands into fists.

[User] He walked Liliana in the opposite direction as Emilia. Instead of going to Roswaal’s study with her, they were headed to the east wing opposite it, where Liliana’s guestroom was.


[Assistant] Emilia returned to the manor from the central garden and was climbing the stairs in the main wing when she looked up suddenly, sensing someone.

[User] Rem appeared directly in front of Emilia, on the landing of the stairs leading to the third floor, her skirt fluttering around her.

[Assistant] Blinking in surprise at the short skirt ruffling before her eyes. "Rem, don’t run in the halls. It’s dangerous."

[User] "Oh, Lady Emilia. Do forgive me, but I have an urgent matter to attend to."

[Assistant] "Is everything okay?" Emilia raised an eyebrow at Rem, who was uncharacteristically flustered.

[User] Rem ran over to Emilia, peered down the stairs behind her, and asked, "Aren’t Subaru and Liliana with you?"

[Assistant] "Er, they stopped by her room to drop off some things… Did you learn some news?"

[User] "Yes, I got most of it from Master Roswaal. Kiritaka Muse, heir of the Muse Company, was behind the plot. He took a fancy to Liliana, apparently."

[Assistant] "Yes, Subaru told me that, too…"

[User] But Rem just shook her head at Emilia and said, "I’m terribly sorry, but that isn’t the actual problem.


[User] "Kiritaka did hire those thugs to bring Lady Liliana back to him. And thanks to Subaru’s ruse, that plan failed. However…”

[Assistant] “That wasn’t the end of it?”

[User] “According to Kiritaka, he doesn’t remember hiring the men in white. He insisted he had nothing to do with them.” Emilia realized why Rem was in such a hurry and rushed down the stairs.

[Assistant] Rem joined her, and the two ran full speed to the east wing where Subaru and Liliana had gone—to Liliana’s room.

[User] Unable to see anyone behind the ajar door, Emilia spoke, her voice shuddering in shame over her mistake. “They never came back.”


[Assistant] Subaru was hog-tied and lying atop the cart, its wheels rattling against the ground. All he could do was glare up at the sky. He and Liliana had been ambushed on their way back to the manor. The next thing he knew, there he was—on his back, seeing nothing but blue sky. He was wrapped tightly in cloth, then tied with rope, immobilized in the worst way possible. There was a faint lingering pain in his head from being punched, and judging by the way he was tied up—

[User] "Aha, looks like sonny boy woke up, too. Sorry we were so rough with ya, kid.” The booming voice came from somebody who noticed Subaru was conscious.

[Assistant] Subaru craned his neck to look in the direction of the voice, and there, he saw a seated figure robed in white. Noting the unsettling head-to-toe white ensemble, Subaru finally grasped the situation he was in. The men in white had not stopped their activities, even though their boss had been captured. They had to be an unrelated party.

[User] “Wait, does that mean being a Liliana fan and wanting her song were two separate motives?! Could you make things any more complicated? !”

[Assistant] “The muse has spoken. I present you with my new song—‘Liliana, a Sinful Flower.’”

[User] “Shut up! Now’s no time for singing!” Subaru yelled at the girl, who was tied up the same as him. He couldn’t see Liliana from the way he was positioned, but given how she was still able to utter her silly little catchphrase, it sounded like her spirit wasn’t completely broken. Breathing a sigh of relief to himself, Subaru turned his head to look at the man in white. “So…any chance we can talk without the kicking and punching?”

[Assistant] “Yeah…we’d prefer that, too. Maybe too little, too late, but we want to move you without too much roughhousing.”

[User] “Too little, too late? No shit. Some credibility you have there.”

[Assistant] The man chuckled with a quiet “Fair point.” Then he removed his white hood, revealing a bearded face. He looked like he was in his early forties. “We are the White Dragon’s Scale, mercenaries for hire.” By exposing his face and offering his name, the man was clearly trying to negotiate. It was a surprisingly cordial thing to do, considering how roughly he had treated Subaru before.


[User] “Ugh, I’m gonna hurl. Could you at least let a guy sit up when you talk to him?” Subaru felt the man’s attempt at goodwill was just as clunky as the cart’s wheels on the ground beneath them.

[Assistant] “Nothing would please me more than that—but unfortunately, we tied you up so nice and tight that you’re stiff as a wooden board right now, and trying to sit you up would be quite a struggle. Sorry, but you’ll have to keep lying down.”

[User] “Well, if I get carsick, I know where I’m aiming. Cower before my mighty mayo-vomit attack.” Due to their little ruse earlier that day, all Subaru had to eat was that world’s equivalent of mayonnaise, so that was the only thing that would come up, should the need arise.

[Assistant] The man raised his arms in a gesture of defeat.

[User] “Wait, is this cart being pulled by that ox thing instead of a land dragon? Man, you guys are using some old-school animals. We’re basically riding an artifact, y’know.”

[Assistant] Subaru turned his head and grabbed the bound foot just barely in his vision.

[User] “I don’t know if you’re saying that out of shock, sarcasm, awe, or intimidation, but none of that’s helpful right now, so shut up for a minute.”

[Assistant] A set of toes wriggled back at him. “Guess this is a classic case of out of the frying pan into the fire. We didn’t see it coming.”

[User] “Yes, looks like the success of our kidnapping strategy backfired epically! Now, chore boy, as the architect of this master plan, I’d love to know what you’re thinking right now!”

[Assistant] “I’m thinking, if I could just slap your flippant face right now, nothing else would matter.” Thanks to Liliana’s usual antics, Subaru was somehow able to retain his composure. Though in actual fact, the men in white had them in the palm of their hand. And Liliana was right; the White Dragon’s Scale’s ambush had only worked because Subaru’s guard had been down after the success of his ruse. Even though the men in white hadn’t planned on that, the circumstances had linked the two groups together and made the bard ripe for the taking.

[User] “I’m pretty sure our buddies back at the manor have noticed we’re missing by now…” However, it was painfully clear that their lack of manpower would affect how quickly their friends could find them. Their list of allies was short enough as it was, but Ram was still away on an investigation. Neither Emilia nor Roswaal could take direct action, and Subaru was uncertain whether or not Beatrice would help. That meant the only one who could actively search for them was Rem.


[User] "Our friends have to keep an eye on the people we just caught, so our chances of rescue are pretty slim, eh?"

[Assistant] "Yeah…afraid so." Liliana’s words twisted the knife. With their situation dire in every way possible, how could Subaru and Liliana keep themselves safe?

[User] "Looks like we’re on our own. Just us and diplomacy."

[Assistant] They would skillfully and eloquently craft a plea that wouldn’t push their captors’ buttons and would result in their freedom. Luckily, their captors had signaled that they did want to negotiate. Subaru’s only choice was to engage in a little diplomatic fencing, seeking out compromises and securing their safe release.

[User] "You can do it, chore boy."

[Assistant] "If you want this to work, then keep that mouth shut. Don’t answer that—just take note."

[User] "You two just about done?" Seeing that his captives were wrapping up their conversation, the man returned and lowered himself onto the cart bed with a thunk and folded his legs. "Now, let me introduce myself again… We are a band of mercenaries called the White Dragon’s Scale."

[Assistant] "Sorry, but I’m new in town, so I’m not up to date about local gossip. Meanwhile, she’s a wandering bard with no roots to speak of…and bless her heart, she’s kinda dumb and slow on the uptake."

[User] "Hey, chore boy! Don’t bless my heart! This is no time for romantic overtures!"

[Assistant] In the interest of negotiations proceeding smoothly, Subaru ignored Liliana’s little outburst.

[User] The bearded man followed his lead and ignored Liliana as well, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I can’t blame ya for not hearing of us. Only a part of Lugunica knows about us, and that was about ten years ago. We don’t exactly have as much of a reputation anymore."

[Assistant] "Before… Did you disband and get back together? You really should consider your age if you’re gonna be naughty."

[User] "No, we didn’t disband. We did cut back a little, though. But then we got this job that we had to finish. We can’t hang up our robes for good until we do." The bearded man’s voice was low, and his eyes were filled with resolve. Between the proud atmosphere and the hint of tragedy in the man’s demeanor, Subaru sensed there were extraordinary circumstances at play.

[Assistant] Lying on his back, Subaru let out a sigh and said, "So…you’re doing one last job before you finally retire?"

[User] "Our treasurer betrayed us—snuck off with every last coin to our name. We just want to get back everything he stole. We can’t retire until we do that."

[Assistant] "Wait, what…? What does that have to do with Liliana?" Going off age alone, it was impossible to believe that Liliana was the treasurer in question.

[User] "The traitor built himself a huge mansion in town with the fortune he stole. We’re sure he’s been living in the lap of luxury, the bastard… Anyway, we found him.


[User] “We were gonna get the money back and get some closure…but that wily old man!” Subaru waited for the man to continue.

[Assistant] “He noticed we were onto him. That’s when he hid the money in a cave and locked it up with a metia. And the key to unlock it is a song, of all things.”

[User] “A song…! Now I get it. That’s how she’s connected.” As he listened to the bearded man speak, the word song surged through his brain like lightning.

[Assistant] “And the rich man of Wawer is your traitor? Man, this was a revenge plot all along?”

[User] “We do resent him for betraying us. But at this point, we don’t really care what happens to him. We just want our fortune… We just want to get back what we rightfully earned. We have to get it back.” The man looked down, his voice quiet with gritty determination.

[Assistant] “This cave where the money’s hidden—do you know where it is?”

[User] “We do. So all we need now is the song to unlock it. In other words…”

[Assistant] “If Liliana sings and unlocks the cave, there will be much rejoicing.” The matter would be resolved, and Subaru and Liliana would be set free. Subaru’s face lit up.

[User] “Hey, Liliana, you heard that, right? The only thing you have to do is sing the song that must never be sung to that cave, and all’s well. So—”

[Assistant] “—refuse.”

[User] “Eh?”

[Assistant] Both Subaru and the bearded man grunted in unison.

[User] “Unlocking spells on caves…I will never sing for such a purpose. Music isn’t… Music isn’t any substitute for money or treasure—for things that will eventually disappear! I refuse! Don’t mock music…don’t mock stories…and don’t you dare look down on bards!”


[User] As he rubbed his knees together to combat the cold of the cave, he wondered what time it was. A gust of wind would blow through the cave now and again, echoing off the walls like the moans of lost spirits or ghouls. If not for the dimly reflective lanterns on the walls and the sound of people talking, this place could be easily mistaken as a dimension detached from the living and the dead.

[Assistant] “Between the moaning winds and the daytime chill, nobody round these parts would even shit near a place like this. Perfect place to hide a fortune.” The bearded man reinforced Subaru’s impressions with his little remark as he leaned against the wall, a savage smirk on his face. He leaned his unmasked, bearded face closer to Subaru and Liliana.

[User] “I heard it’s not a good idea for a kidnapper to let his captives see his face.”

[Assistant] “Yeah, sorry you got caught up in this, son. It’d just be a pain if you made a ruckus, y’know? Don’t hate me. It’s on you for being with that girl in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

[User] “Uh, no, I’m gonna hate you guys. Don’t put this on me.”

[Assistant] “Fair is fair.” The bearded man laughed from his belly.

[User] Subaru thought the guy had a lot of nerve to laugh at a time like this. After all—

[Assistant] “Cut the high-and-mighty bullshit! Are you trying to make us angry? !” From deep within the cave, a furious roar cut through the air and bounced off the walls.

[User] “Nooo! I refuse! My songs are only sung in a fun way befitting of them. I will not sing for any other purpose! Don’t mock a bard, or you’ll be sorryyy!”

[Assistant] “This is going nowhere…” The bearded man scratched his short mop of hair.

[User] Subaru couldn’t agree more. Both sides had a line they wouldn’t cross, and there was no bridge in sight to bring them together.


[User] The bearded man watching over Subaru seemed to be the group’s leader. Since he showed himself to be somewhat of a moderate, Subaru and Liliana had avoided abuse up until then. But many of the group’s members favored a more radical approach.

[Assistant] The man exchanging choice words with Liliana now was one of them—a young man with short brown hair and a boyish voice. The young man had a bandage on his nose. The wound underneath was probably the main reason for his stubbornness.

[User] “He got that busted nose the first time we visited your little mansion. The blue-haired lady gave that to him. Smashed his nose like she enjoyed it. That’s part of why he’s so pissed.”

[Assistant] Subaru replied with an understanding “Ahhh,” and had nothing but sympathy for the man. There were three other people besides the broken-nosed man who were angry they had also become Rem’s victims.

[User] “But, Liliana’s being just as stubborn…too stubborn." Subaru muttered. "Her devotion to her profession is admirable but… Is it really that important? Is it really worth dying for?”

[Assistant] Despite the relentless onslaught of abuse from the men, Liliana swore she would never bend to their will. Just when Subaru had pegged her as a flimsy airhead, she had to go and show some inflexible grit and conviction in herself. He could imagine nobody more annoying and difficult to handle than her in that moment.

[User] “Yeah…you bet it’s important. There’s gotta be something out there worth sacrificing your life for…”

[Assistant] Surprisingly, the one who agreed with Liliana’s declaration was none other than the bearded man.

[User] When Subaru shot him a dubious look, the bearded man cast a restless glance deep into the cave and said, “Living is easy if all ya do is eat, sleep, and breathe—anybody can do that. But if you want to do something with your life…well, that’s when you start to find some things you can’t compromise on.”

[Assistant] “Noble words coming from you, my guy. Wasn’t there some reason you had to finish the job fast?”

[User] “The other guys do, yeah. But me… That reason doesn’t exist anymore. The reason I’m still here is because I wanted to prove that there’s more to my life than just eating, sleeping, and breathing.”

[Assistant] The bearded man lowered his eyes, picked up a nearby bottle of liquor, and took a swig. He wiped the trickle of liquor roughly off his face with his sleeve, and as he looked into the darkness of the cave, there was an emptiness in his eyes. Subaru didn’t know his backstory, and he wasn’t going to ask for it. The man probably wouldn’t tell him anyway. But the more time that passed, the harder this would be for everyone involved.

[User] “Hey, bearded gentleman… Sorry, but could you maybe loosen my ropes a little?”

[Assistant] “Don’t get the wrong idea, boy. We want to resolve this peacefully so we ain’t thrashing you, but we ain’t setting you free, either.


[User] "If you even dream about scramming, things’ll get messy."

[Assistant] "Yeah, yeah, I know. I promise I won’t run away. You can keep my hands tied. Just let me walk deeper into the cave. I wanna talk some things over with Liliana.”

[User] The bearded man looked at Subaru and mused over the proposition for a while. Then he sighed and said, “Yeah, it’s a stalemate otherwise… Fine. It’s always easier to convince a person if you get her friend to do it. It’s better for all of us.” The bearded man untied Subaru’s feet.

[Assistant] Finally free to move again, he stretched out his stiff limbs, letting the blood flow through them before standing up. “You come with me, okay? Nothing good will come of staying here drinking.” Gesturing over his shoulder at the man with his chin, Subaru began to head deeper into the cave, his hands still bound. As he walked, the cold breeze rustling his hair, Subaru squinted his eyes shut in the light of the ragmite. Then he cautiously opened his eyes into the light and saw it. “So this is it…the stupid metia that’s unlocked by a song.” Before Subaru’s eyes stood a black wall blocking the path deeper into the cave. The wall obstructing the stone passageway had geometric carvings on it, and in the center, a blue crystal was embedded. The wall itself seemed to be made of a material similar to iron, but it was a little too black and a little too mysteriously imposing for that.

[User] “It’s rigged to move only when certain conditions are met,” the bearded man explained. “It doesn’t always have to be a song, but this door is rigged to open only when this girl here sings the song.”

[Assistant] “Are you sure Liliana has to sing it?”

[User] “It won’t open if anybody else sings it. Our traitor had her sing into the metia and used that to put the magic seal on this cave. That’s why only the girl’s song can open it.”

[Assistant] Hearing the bearded man’s explanation, Subaru approached the metia again.


[User] And before the black wall was Liliana, who was now completely uncooperative, and the men in white, furiously trying to get her to sing.

[Assistant] "This is bullshit—we’re so close! Just sing a tiny bit, and it’ll all be over!”

[User] “I refuse. And I can’t abide by my music being mocked even a tiny bit. The muse has spoken. I present you with my new song—‘Your Heart—Unlike Your Clothes—is Pitch-Black.’”

[Assistant] “Shut up, you pigheaded idiot! Don’t provoke them!” Subaru barked at Liliana, who was ignoring the men as they kept threatening her.

[User] Startled by the entrance of a third party, Liliana opened one eye and looked up at Subaru. “Oh—what’s up, chore boy? Did we get to the part where they mercilessly torture you in front of me to get me to talk?


[User] "Well, sorry, but even if Chore Boy turns into a lump of meat, I’m not budging."

[Assistant] "Stop that, it’s no fun for me. Besides, if these guys get desperate, you’ll be in much worse shape than me as a girl. You understand what I’m getting at, right? I hope you do."

[User] "Wh-what are you fantashizing, you shicko? Sh-shtop it, you shtupid dog…!" Her face bright red, Liliana showed embarrassment over the conversation’s dark twist, which she’d mostly brought on herself.

[Assistant] Sighing at her lack of foresight, Subaru looked back at the mercenaries. "I sympathize with your problem, but you realize she won’t listen to you, right? I hate to say this, but she won’t compromise on her principles, even if you hurt her bad."

[User] Hearing Subaru’s frustrated plea, the men exchanged uncomfortable glances.

[Assistant] "And you—you won’t sing no matter what. No matter how badly these guys want you to sing, you’re not singing."

[User] "Chore boy." Liliana looked at Subaru with a meaningful look in her eyes. "If my song is needed, then I will sing. But it’s not my song these men want; it’s the results of my song. I would never sing for such a reason. Even if they slash my throat and rip my tongue out, I won’t sing."

[Assistant] "So you won’t even sing if your life depends on it?"

[User] "Not even if my life depends on it, no. If I bend my principles for fear of my life once, then my pride will be cracked, and it can be easily broken again and again. And once it’s full of cracks, my pride will be invisible to everybody. And when I look in the mirror, I’ll have to see myself without any pride—and I’d rather die." With that final word, Liliana bit her lip. It was the expression of someone who knew that her declaration would likely enrage her captors.

[Assistant] "If you don’t sing, my life is also in danger." He stared intently at her. "Doesn’t that change anything?"

[User] But Liliana only agonized silently in reply, her eyes darting around for a moment in conflict.

[Assistant] Subaru grinned widely in resignation. "You heard the lady. She won’t sing. I won’t make her sing, either."

[User] "Hey, that’s not…" That’s not what you promised—the bearded man’s astonished eyes finished. He sensed the mood from the other men had also grown even more precarious.

[Assistant] "Chore boy…why…?"

[User] "If you don’t want to sing, then don’t. I’m siding with you, that’s all," he answered, standing protectively between Liliana and the menacing stares of the men.


[User] Liliana’s voice trembled behind him.

[Assistant] Hearing this, Subaru knew he’d made the right decision. Turning back to the men, he said, “Her song is not a tool to be used. If you heard her sing just once, you’d understand.”

[User] “Boy, stop joking around if you know what’s good for—”

[Assistant] “If she doesn’t wanna sing, then I don’t want to make her sing, either! I hate to admit it, but her songs are awesome! Anybody who hears her sing knows it. And I don’t wanna make her sing in vain—I won’t let you force her!” As the men raked him with their eyes, Subaru stood protectively in front of Liliana with a defiant declaration.

[User] The bearded man nervously looked at his companions. All the men in white aside from him saw Subaru’s declaration as a point of no return. As they marched forward, tension shot through the air.

[Assistant] “Chore boy…!” Liliana cried at Subaru, her lips quivering over the malice in the men’s eyes. There was a catch in her voice, sounding so close to guilt— The mercenaries leaned forward, ready to pounce at the bard.

[User] “Hey, guys, let’s teach this asshole a lesson and make this little birdie sing by force—”

[Assistant] “I have a proposal!”

[User] “Huh?” Subaru’s loud voice brought their menacing postures to a clumsy halt. As the men stumbled to catch their balance, Subaru leaned in toward their upturned faces and said, “Let’s bypass that metia and get that fortune another way.”

[Assistant] A simple change in perspective was all they needed. The fortune was hidden amid the boulders in the cave. Not by the giant iron wall, nor by a giant pyramid assembled from massive stones. The only real obstacle before them was the magic door blocking their path. "All we need to do is carve a hole into the side and go around it. And since the bedrock isn’t too hard here, a pickax can smash through that, no problem.”

[User] “And here I thought nobody’s stupid enough to bury his life’s fortune in a cave that flimsy,” the bearded man murmured tiredly as Subaru folded his arms and examined the excavation before them. As the bearded man’s dust-blackened forehead beaded with sweat, he thoughtfully turned to face Subaru and said, “Still…why didn’t we even consider such a simple idea?”

[Assistant] “Well, if you have tunnel vision, it’s easy to forget the rest of your options. I, on the other hand, live my life nitpicking everything everybody says and does. That’s the difference.”

[User] “That’s not exactly something to brag about…” Smirking cynically over Subaru’s humblebrag, the bearded man stood up straight and got back to work. The other men in white took turns using the tools they’d brought to deepen the tunnel. The treasure was now within reach, and this had given a huge boost to their motivation. In not much time, their tunnel around the metia would be finished. “In the end, you’ll have your glowing retirement you always wanted."


[User] "And I just got caught up in the cross fire.”

[Assistant] “Um…chore boy?” Liliana timidly spoke up to him as Subaru sat on a boulder, already drifting into epilogue mode.

[User] Both of their limbs were untied now, and they were both free. They could have left the cave if they wanted to, but feeling strange about not staying until the fortune was unearthed, they’d decided to stick around. Besides, even though their captors had released them in one piece, they weren’t exactly blameless.

[Assistant] “Why so meek? That’s really not like you. There’s a sharp rock there—why don’t ya have a seat?”

[User] “Okay…then if you’ll pardon me, I’ll— Eeep?! Ouch! Ow! That rock! That rock was sharp! The tip p-poked my butt! Oww, my butt…!”

[Assistant] “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, okay?! It’s not my fault, okay? !” As Liliana clutched her bottom and hopped around in circles, Subaru desperately covered his own ass.

[User] After a while, Liliana returned with tears in her eyes, sat on an unsharp rock, and glared at Subaru. "It hurts. Take responsibility and gimme lots of money.”

[Assistant] “Take responsibility for what? Besides, didn’t you say something about things that will eventually disappear having no true value?”

[User] “But I need money to live my life now,” came her snobby retort. “A tummy can’t get full on dreams alone, you know!”

[Assistant] Subaru sighed tiredly. “Dude, what happened to that noble woman who was here a minute ago? You should bring her back.”

[User] Then Liliana cast her gaze downward and said, “Chore boy…um…why did you come to my defense earlier?”

[Assistant] “Because I’m a man and you’re a woman, of course? Sure, I could easily fantasize using you as a shield and curling up and pretending like I didn’t know what was going on—but it turns out I didn’t wanna do that.”

[User] “Th-that’s not what I meant! I mean, the protecting-me part aside…you said it was okay for me not to sing… I’m just wondering why.” Her whispered voice was meek, like it might disappear any second.

[Assistant] The hint of vulnerability in Liliana’s barely audible voice made Subaru hum thoughtfully for a moment before he answered, “If you wanna know why, then all you gotta do is remember what I said. You didn’t want to sing, so I didn’t want to force you to. I’d come up with an alternative plan anyway.”

[Assistant] “But without an alternative plan, I probably would’ve made you sing. I’d love to be in your corner, ride or die, but I’m not strong enough for that, and you and I aren’t even that close, besides. Both choices would have opened a path for us, so I chose both. That’s all.” Subaru spoke brusquely as he watched the men swing their pickaxes.

[User] Liliana followed his gaze, muttering the words “chose both…”

[Assistant] “These mercs are kinda pushy. They’re not exactly the most upstanding, either…but they seem like they’re in a tight spot. They need that money for something.


[User] The way the bearded man spoke, and the fiery impatience of the younger ones… It was clear everyone in the party felt trapped by something, and they needed the money to get out of it.

[Assistant] As the pickaxes hit the boulders with a shrill ping, Subaru waited anxiously for the path to clear. Not noticing all the while the whirlpool of complex emotions swimming in Liliana’s eyes beside him.

[User] \"After hearing everything you just said, I envy how coolheaded you are right now, Barusu.”

[Assistant] Subaru flinched and whirled around.

[User] There, standing at the cave entrance in a maid’s dress and covering the ragmite’s illumination with one hand, was Ram.

[Assistant] When she saw Subaru and Liliana staring at her in shock, she sighed, shrugged, and said, “You messed up, Barusu. And only because Rem came so quickly to tell me was I able to bother dragging myself all the way out here—ignoring Master Roswaal’s orders, at that.”

[User] “I really am sorry about that…but what are you doing here?”

[Assistant] “I looked into the rich man’s manor where that songstress stayed. I had to cut my investigation short when Rem brought me the urgent news, but I’d already gathered that the men in white were the White Dragon’s Scale.”

[User] Ram walked over to Subaru and Liliana, looked at the silhouettes of the men excavating the cave, and gave a snort.

[Assistant] “The rich man in question died a few days ago of illness. In life, he made many enemies, so his manor and fortune got repossessed here and there. That’s where I learned of his involvement with the White Dragon’s Scale. And this cave could be considered a sort of…summer home that the deceased visited several times in life.”

[User] “Yeah, and the treasure he hid here before he died is literally being reclaimed right now by his buddies he betrayed in the past. Karma’s a funny thing.”

[Assistant] Subaru brought Ram up to speed on what had happened on his end, to connect her intel with where they were right then. Hearing this, Ram arrived at the same conclusion as him. Looking at the working men, she said,

[User] “It’s likely there are extenuating circumstances…but the actions of the White Dragon’s Scale still constitute an attack on Master Roswaal, the lord of this land. They will all need to be severely punished.”

[Assistant] “Now, not so fast. I agree with what you said, but we should hear them out first…”

[User] Ignoring Subaru’s plea for deference, Ram thrust a finger in his face and said,

[Assistant] “Besides, your and Liliana’s safety is not the only thing I need to check on here, Barusu.”

[User] Subaru’s eyes widened as she explained, “There were two fortunes not repossessed from the deceased’s mansion.


[User] "The first was the fortune the deceased locked away with a metia. It apparently took the form of a door or wall.”

[Assistant] "Yeah, it’s right over there. We’ve been ignoring it since we aren’t opening it.”

[User] “Well, no matter. As for the second fortune—the deceased took measures to hide it before his death, and it will be a terribly troublesome thing if we don’t find it.”

[Assistant] "'Troublesome’ how?” Ram lowered her chin.

[User] "!” A roar shook the cave, and the men excavating it shrieked in reply. A dust cloud rose high, and part of the wall crumbled loudly, changing the shape of the terrain before their very eyes. Subaru gasped, freezing in terror. His eyes registered something with thick arms covered in black fur smashing the boulders.

[Assistant] “Didn’t I tell you the other thing was troublesome?” Ram said scornfully beside him, her usual emotionless face on full display. “The deceased ordered a rowder from the black market and it went missing.”

[User] A roar like a semitruck’s horn—that’s what the rowder’s roar sounded like to Subaru. The rowder’s silhouette somewhat resembled a monkey. But its body was big enough to fill the entire cave, and its arms were easily twice the circumference of Subaru’s torso. If the rowder handled you gently, its arms were still likely strong enough to rip you limb from limb.

[Assistant] "Go back, go back, go back, go back!! !” Grasping the situation, the bearded man barked a hasty order to retreat.

[User] As the men in white ran, their eyes straight ahead, the rowder roared behind them in pursuit—but its giant body got caught in the pathway, and it was difficult for the creature to move.

[Assistant] “If we let this thing get out in the open, we’re screwed!”

[User] “This is a guard to protect his treasure even after his death. To think the treasurer who betrayed his allies would go so far as to use a metia and even a demon beast to protect his fortune… Ridiculous.”

[Assistant] “Stop commentating and start running!” Grabbing Ram by the arm while she grumbled with a bored look on her face, Subaru turned to lead the retreat.

[User] “Liliana?! Where did she go? !” She was right beside him a minute ago, but now she was gone.

[Assistant] “That idiot! What’s she doing over there? !” After a frantic scan of the cave, Subaru clutched his head when he spotted Liliana. As the rowder’s roar bounced off the walls of the cave, Liliana ran, her tiny body tumbling through the cavern as she approached the passageway where the rowder was rampaging—to the place where the men in white had ditched their belongings to flee.


[User] Liliana was surrounded by the booming cry of the beast and flying shards of rock that threatened to kill her with a blow to the head. She dove into the pile of belongings and desperately tore through them, looking for something.

[Assistant] "Ram! Follow me!" The moment he realized what she was doing, Subaru abandoned hesitation and began to run. And with a barked command to Ram, Subaru flew to where Liliana and the belongings were.

[User] "Liliana, you idiot! Do you want to die?! C’mon, we have to go—"

[Assistant] "I can’t find my lyulyre! Without it, I can’t…!"

[User] "The one you just tuned, right? If we survive this, I’ll beg Roswaal to get you another one, so let’s focus on getting out of here first!"

[Assistant] "Not the instrument—the case! That case… It’s a keepsake from my mother!"

[User] Subaru suppressed every urge to curse her out and ran his eyes over the belongings.

[Assistant] "You idiots! The hell are you doing? !" the bearded man cried, running over to them.

[User] Subaru spun around, gave the bearded man a nervous glance. "Where’s her instrument?! It’s in a case—you guys grabbed it when you took us, right? !"

[Assistant] "Her instrument…? O-oh! I think I know!" The bearded man’s face drained of color.

[User] Subaru immediately understood.

[Assistant] "Shit, this’s the worst! Liliana, stay back! I’ll get the lyulyre!"

[User] "No, w-wait a minute, chore boy! It’s mine, so I…!"

[Assistant] "Listen, dumbass! I’m doing this! You stay back! Oh, and my name is Subaru Natsuki!" He couldn’t stand her calling him chore boy anymore. He hoisted Liliana on his shoulders despite her struggling and hurled her at the bearded man, who had run up to him. Subaru pointed outside as the bearded man hastily caught her, then he ran back into the cave.

[User] "I swear, why do I always get the worst luck of the draw…? !" He immediately regretted talking big and putting on a show.


[User] Yet there he was, life on the line. The rowder’s thick fingertips scratched at the stone walls, trying to gouge Subaru as he ran by. Dashing just out of reach, he dodged his way through the fist-sized rocks and slid down to the metia.

[Assistant] "Found you!" The lyulyre was right where Subaru landed. And as the cave began to collapse in places, the metia obediently carried out its duty without complaint. Subaru sighed in relief to see the lyulyre by his feet had escaped harm and that he had gotten there without breaking any bones. He picked up the case and spun around to run out of the cave.

[User] "Oof—!" His back suddenly gave out, and he fell to his knees. Luckily for Subaru, this saved his life. A giant arm flew through the space where his head had been moments ago, smashing against the metia. As the metia repelled the inertia of the attack right back at the rowder, its howl of pain boomed through the cave. Awakened by the sensation of his eardrums rupturing, Subaru steadied his shaking knees and ran. He ducked his head through the space between the rowder’s legs, grazing against the needlelike fur as he escaped out the cave pocket.

[Assistant] "Bwah? !" But just when he thought he was clear of the giant body, his face was smashed sideways by a long tail. He tumbled and slammed against a boulder, moaning in pain.

[User] The case—it’s okay. Subaru, you dumbass. "This stupid thing isn’t worth dying over…" Why was he so sad? Why was he risking his life to save someone else’s keepsake? Cursing under his breath, Subaru spat out the blood pooling in his mouth. His cheek had been badly cut by that tail. It hurt a lot. The pain was actually welcome—it sharpened his senses.

[Assistant] "El Fulla!" As the tail came swinging at Subaru again, a blade of wind slashed it off at the base. Spurting black blood, the tail wriggled like a snake beside Subaru as he ran.

[User] Thanks for the assist, Ram. He could now see the cave entrance, which Liliana and the bearded man had just reached. All Subaru needed to do was join them, and he’d meet the win condition for this level. If only.

[Assistant] "Seriously, lame!" The rowder, burning with rage over its maimed tail, was blocking Subaru’s way. Now free of the narrow passageway with all four limbs swinging, the demon beast was ready for action. Standing straight, it was close to ten feet tall—tall enough for its head to scrape the cave roof. Even with Ram’s magic helping him, normie Subaru’s prospects were grim. As Subaru hugged the lyulyre case tight, his thoughts raced. Should he use his last-resort magic? He could disrupt the demon beast by casting Shamak, wagering that Ram would pick him up after he fainted. He hated those odds, but he had more hope in that working than getting into a fistfight with that monster.


[User] Subaru turned to the cave entrance and looked sharply at Ram to communicate his suicidal plan.

[Assistant] “Hweh?” Her spiked morning star twirled horrifyingly as it smashed into the side of the demon beast’s face.

[User] The blow had caught the rowder completely by surprise because it’d been so focused on Subaru. Its head half caved in by the attack, the demon beast bled profusely from its face. It jerkily turned around, whimpering quietly as if to ask who had just killed it. "Sorry about this.”

[Assistant] A silvery voice answered the demon beast’s final cry with an ephemeral echo. Appearing in her palms was a tiny cat, its long tail swishing.

[User] “Night night, little monkey. May you have a good, peaceful journey.” The androgynous voice bid farewell as the pale-blue light became a forest of icicles dancing in the air.

[Assistant] The burst of light came from every direction, hurling into the rearing rowder. Impaled by countless icicles, the rowder roared to the ceiling. Then it opened its mouth wide in a death rattle. A thunderous crack rang out as it transformed into an ice statue.

[User] For many seconds, the rush of cold air in the cave commanded silence. Unable to believe what he had just seen, Subaru stared up at the frozen demon beast. The rowder was dead in the ice, and Subaru’s life was saved.

[Assistant] “Subaru!” A voice calling his name snapped Subaru out of his stupor. Her eyes filled with relief, she pressed an open hand to her chest and smiled gently.

[User] “Subaru! Are you all right? Are you hurt? I’ll take a look at you right away!”

[Assistant] And then Rem came, stumbling over the rough cave floor, the hem of her short skirt rippling as she flew to him. Noticing a familiar weapon hanging from her hand, he finally put all the pieces together. Apparently, Rem and Emilia had pulled a deus ex machina to save him.

[User] “How do you guys keep arriving just in the nick of time…?” Their timeliness had saved his life yet again. Subaru dragged his battered body over to Rem as she ran to him.


[Assistant] Then cracks shot through the cave ceiling, the floor, and every wall. The fissures spread as the cave began to peel itself apart.

[User] “Everyone, run outside now—!” Seeing this, Subaru felt all his hair stand on end as he pointed at the cave entrance.

[Assistant] Less than a minute later, the treasure cave collapsed completely.


[User] “We were so worried when we found out you and Liliana were missing, but he kindly told us where you’d be. He said he knew.” Emilia smiled sheepishly and pointed to a lone young man who was twirling around in circles.

[Assistant] Kiritaka, who was supposed to be restrained but instead had gone down on one knee and presented a bouquet (Who knew where he got it?) to Liliana. "I am Kiritaka, your love slave. For you, my beloved, I would run through fire, swim through oceans, or brave any demon beast’s cave. Ohh, thank heavens you are safe!”

[User] “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you didn’t run into the cave, right?”

[Assistant] “Mrrrf! Th-that was only because those young ladies had me tied up outside…” Kiritaka sputtered an excuse as Liliana stared coldly down at him.

[User] “The hairpiece he gave to Lady Liliana as a token of his affection is part of a paired metia. Apparently, if each person has one of the two, they’ll know where the other is, no matter how far apart they are.”

[Assistant] “So it’s a transmitter. Nothing screams stalker more than that.” Subaru snorted.

[User] “Master Roswaal said that given his cooperation, Kiritaka may be acquitted—provided he agrees never to trouble others with his romantic courtships again. Though from the way he forces his feelings upon Lady Liliana, I don’t see that happening.”

[Assistant] Rem explained.

[User] “It pisses me off, but he did save us… I still don’t wanna thank him, though.” Subaru grumbled. Rem was busy at work healing Subaru’s injuries.

[Assistant] Subaru was having a hard time concentrating on the healing between her close proximity and the soft touch of her hands.

[User] “But our real problem is those people over there, yes?” While Subaru smiled sheepishly over Rem’s not so subtle attempts at touching him, Emilia glanced toward the cave.


[User] "But the reality remains…it’s really hard for them to be grateful they’re alive." The bearded man confessed to Subaru why the members of the White Dragon’s Scale needed that money.

[Assistant] The home village of the founding members of the White Dragon’s Scale was plagued by an endemic disease. They needed the money to purify the contaminated soil that was the cause of it. The disease first broke out several years ago, and the infected slowly turned to stone. It was a rare disease, a demonic plague that’d been caused by a demon beast contaminating the soil.

[User] "Traces of a black serpent…sowing disease with wild abandon…" Emilia muttered bitterly.

[Assistant] Subaru felt equally gutted. The demon beast plague could only be cured by purifying the soil it contaminated. The process required a large number of colorless magic stones, which would cost a fortune to buy. The men in white had managed to earn that fortune only to have it stolen by a traitor, and their last hope was now buried beneath the rubble. The mercenaries had family in that village. This was the cause of the desperation and anger burning in the young men’s hearts. And the distant look in the bearded man’s eyes was for his family, who had already passed away. But it was all too late now. Their hopes were dashed, and there was no way for them to save their community now…

[User] "How about this? I shall take the gentlemen of the White Dragon’s Scale into my service. And as for the contaminated soil, the Muse Company shall provide the necessary funding and materials to purify the land."

[Assistant] "What? !" Subaru's jaw dropped in shock over the proposal coming from the last person he expected.

[User] Emilia, Rem, and the White Dragon’s Scale members in question were similarly stupefied.

[Assistant] Kiritaka gazed up at the sky, twirled his mustache. "Luckily, my Muse Company’s primary product is magic stone. Colorless ones are rather pricey, but it would not be too difficult to gather enough for your needs. Also, my firm is currently seeking extra security to protect our interests, so I believe this is a win-win for everyone."

[User] "D…d…dude…just how many brownie points are you trying to earn here?"

[Assistant] "If the woman he loves begs for help, helping her is a man’s most cherished desire. And I have many points of sympathy for these men’s circumstances. As they say, mercy goes around and comes around."

[User] _I think that’s supposed to be Those who are kind benefit themselves._ As casual as he was about helping others, Kiritaka currently looked like a messiah. Funny how he’d looked like nothing more than an infatuated idiot at first. _(Well, not to say he wasn’t still an idiot.)_ But something in Kiritaka’s speech rang a bell in Subaru’s mind.

[Assistant] "Did you ask him to do this, Liliana?"

[User] "……Yes." Liliana answered meekly, looking down and hugging her lyulyre case.


[User] “I felt bad for rejecting them earlier without even hearing them out.” In the cart, in the cave, when the men desperately threatened her, Liliana had refused to cooperate. But if she felt guilty for that, then Subaru was just as guilty. Besides, even if she had sung and unlocked the metia, the demon beast still had to be dealt with. The cave would have still collapsed, too. “Chore boy—I had a realization. All my life, I just assumed that as a bard, I would travel the world alone, live alone, sing alone, and die alone. But it shouldn’t be that way. Every time I pass through a place, somebody who hears my songs feels something. And that feeling will never disappear… I’ve realized the world won’t leave me behind.”

[Assistant] "Do you regret not compromising your pride?”

[User] Liliana looked up and answered, smiling, “I regret not realizing that there are more important things in this world than pride.” She held out the lyulyre for Subaru to admire, fondly caressing the case as she said, “Thank you very much for saving my lyulyre.”

[Assistant] “Sure thing. You owe me.”

[User] “Indeed I do. I’d love to repay you somehow…” As Liliana looked up at him with doe eyes, Subaru fell into thought.

[Assistant] “Sing for me, Liliana.”

[User] “Huh…?”

[Assistant] “I’m exhausted, and I thought I was gonna die, but everyone survived. All the problems are mostly resolved. So we need a melodramatic credits scene. And you can’t have credits without a song.”

[User] “The muse has spoken. I present you with my new song—‘The Day I Hit My Head, My Last Day as a Sane Person.’”

[Assistant] “Shut up!” She had slipped an odd remark into her song title, but he had already seen it coming. He’d said risking his life was worth as much as a song. It seemed insane, and it was, but he was fine being insane. “All right, then. I’ll sing a tune for you—‘The Sky Outstripping the Sunrise.’” Plucking the strings of her lyulyre, Liliana welcomed the morning sun rising over the distant mountain, bringing with it a new day. The high chain of notes wove a melody that shook the soul. The introduction melted into the cold morning air. And as the fantasia began, the eyes of the listeners naturally gravitated toward the singer.

[User] Liliana's voice soared high, high into the sky. A new, busy morning pushed the night away. It was met by the melody and Liliana’s singing voice. The birds harmonized with her, and even the wind seemed to join in. Before Subaru realized it, unbearable emotions had welled up inside him, escaping as a lone tear rolling down his cheek. It was the same with Emilia…with Rem…and with Kiritaka, who was writhing on the ground.


[Assistant] "Are you sure you wanna go with Kiritaka and company?"

[User] "Yes, I’m sure. I am at least partially responsible for the debt the gentlemen of the White Dragon’s Scale owe. So I figured…that I ought to stay with them, at least until they’ve paid off their debt." Two days after the string of crises were resolved, Liliana had packed her bags and happily announced her next destination. Everyone at Roswaal Manor urged her to stay with them many times, but Liliana firmly declined. It was Liliana’s suggestion that Kiritaka employ the White Dragon’s Scale, so she felt it was her duty to see the arrangement through. Her stubborn resolve could be swayed by no one.

[Assistant] "Well, I imagine that Kiritaka was jumping for joy when you made that decision, but you don’t need to martyr yourself like that… I can’t guarantee your chastity. Better let the bearded guy protect you."

[User] "Oh, that’s the plan, I assure you. When you’re living with a hungry beast, always come prepared. Good thing the gentlemen of the White Dragon’s Scale are all slaves to my music now!" Clapping and dancing Liliana was right—she had completely won over the mercenaries with her songs. That was just how impactful her recital by the cave had been. Liliana had also played a big part in getting them the funds they needed to save their home village. To the members of the White Dragon’s Scale, Liliana was basically their goddess. They treated her with overwhelming respect after she made her promise. Subaru had seen the way their goddess’s nostrils flared whenever they showered her with adoration; he couldn’t help but feel the goddess label was ever so slightly undeserved.

[Assistant] "Well, I’m going to really miss you, Liliana. Do come visit again sometime."

[User] "Of course, Lady Emilia! I owe a great debt to you and your people. When we meet again, I insist on singing you a new song. And I do look forward to sampling some new cakes as well. Gee-hee-hee…"

[Assistant] "Could you be any less ladylike?" Subaru jabbed at the girl as she cackled, drool dribbling down her chin. Everyone had gathered in front of Roswaal Manor to say good-bye to Liliana. Since Rem and Emilia in particular loved Liliana’s songs, they were taking the parting rather hard. Even Beatrice, to Subaru’s surprise, had stepped out of the mansion for a moment to bid farewell.


[User] Liliana had only stayed with them a few days, but those days had been a rich (albeit hectic) experience. So rich that everyone felt a pang of loneliness over the thought that they wouldn’t hear her sing the next day.

[Assistant] “Still, I feel like Roswaal missed the mark. Since he didn’t insist on keeping Liliana here, I can only assume that means he’s given up on the idea to use her for Emilia-tan’s PR.” It was oddly satisfying to see things not go according to Roswaal’s plans, but Subaru was a little upset that he wouldn’t hear Liliana sing Emilia’s praises. Maybe more than a little. As Subaru sulked to himself over that, Liliana murmured, “C’mere, c’mere,” and gestured to him.

[User] “What’s up? Beako wanted to say something to you, but she’s still fidgeting over there. Go help her out.”

[Assistant] “Of course I’ll do that, but I wanted to talk to you first.” Setting the fidgeting Beatrice aside for the moment, Liliana stood on tiptoe to whisper in Subaru’s ear.

[User] “You see, the marquis presented me with a direct proposal. He says Emilia is going to be in the spotlight during this royal-selection thingy. That’s why you guys let me stay with you, huh!”

[Assistant] “Y-yeah…so you knew about that all this time? Well, I guess you would. So why’re you bringing this up now?”

[User] In response to Roswaal’s shrewd arrangements, Liliana boldly pounded her chest and announced, “Weeeell! I’ve accepted the job, of course! It need not be stated just how beautiful, how noble Lady Emilia’s heart is. And most of all, when you see that Great Spirit of hers, how can you possibly not break out into song? !”

[Assistant] “Wait, that feline fairy is what clinched the deal? But that’s just your typical cat who sleeps all day.” Subaru had a difficult time accepting that Puck was the biggest factor, but he was happy to hear that Liliana had said yes. He looked forward to the day when he could hear her play her new hero’s epic.

[User] “So I guess it’s good-bye for now then.”

[Assistant] “Yes, it seems that way. But get excited—I’m gonna sing you the best song ever!” Tapping her lyulyre case, Liliana shot him a smile brimming with confidence. To see her that dedicated to her personal goal was a beautiful thing indeed.

[User] “Oh, one more thing…” Just when he thought their conversation had reached a satisfying conclusion, Liliana’s cheeks turned red. He could clearly feel the excitement radiating from her from the way she looked earnestly up at him. Then after a moment’s hesitation, Liliana said,

[Assistant] “Someday, I hope you’ll let me sing your hero’s epic—Subaru Natsuki.”

[User] Subaru stopped breathing.

[Assistant] “Sorry I giggled and pretended I didn’t hear it the first time you told me your name. Rem was absolutely right. You’re destined to become a hero someday.” With a smile at Subaru, Liliana shyly turned her back and trotted off.


[User] As Subaru watched her exchange parting words with Beatrice, he finally exhaled the breath he’d been holding in.

[Assistant] "Subaru…what’s wrong? Your face is really red." Emilia said, appearing suddenly beside Subaru and peering at his face.

[User] Subaru slapped a nervous hand to his cheek. Hating that his cheek was still hot, he shook his head and cried, “Ngha!”

[Assistant] “Hee-hee, you’re being silly.” Emilia giggled into her hand.

[User] The two stood side by side, exchanging smiles. Their stories would one day be sung by Liliana the Songstress. But for today, they were just Subaru Natsuki and Emilia.


[User] “Huh? What happened to the cart that was just here…?”

[Assistant] “Oh, I cleared it all up while you were away, Subaru.”

[User] “Oh, okay. Thanks, Rem.”

[Assistant] “Huh? Where’s the lawn tools? I thought I brought them out…”

[User] “Oh, I had a spare moment, so I did that chore for you.”

[Assistant] “Oh, really? Wow, thanks for always helping me, Rem.”

[User] “Huh? I was gonna help set the table for supper, but…”

[Assistant] “Oh, don’t worry about that, Subaru. Just have a seat.”

[User] “For real? Dang, I don’t even need to be in this story. That’s my Rem.”

[Assistant] “Huh? Where’s that writing homework Ram assigned to me…?”

[User] “Oh, don’t worry, Subaru, I mimicked your handwriting and finished it for you.”

[Assistant] “…D-did you? That’s… Hmmm… That seems off somehow. Er, not that I don’t appreciate it, of course.”


[User] “I think we should give Rem a day where she can just rest and do nothing.” Subaru waited for everyone to be present before he raised this proposal at the breakfast table. The other five sitting at the table widened their eyes in surprise.

[Assistant] Rem froze at her spot beside Subaru’s seat, where she was serving food, and her head gave the most adorable tilt of confusion. “A day…of rest? Um…oh dear, have I done something to offend you? So you want to punish me by not letting me wor—”

[User] “Er, no, Rem. That’s not what I’m saying at all. If anything, I have nothing to complain about your job performance—you’re almost too perfect.”

[Assistant] “Hmm—?” Even after Subaru’s explanation, Rem’s eyes were still filled with question marks. Feeling sorry for Rem, Subaru reached over and patted her head. She accepted it unconditionally with a soft smile.

[User] “Soooo let me take a stab at what you’re saying. You, Subaru, wish for me to reconsider the way I treat my staff. Did I get that riiiight?” While Subaru patted Rem’s head, Roswaal correctly guessed his intent.

[Assistant] “Well, it’s not exactly a complaint, but it’s close to one.”

[User] “How daring of you, Barusu. How can you be so rude to Master Roswaal? A servant is far too lowly to complain to his master. And you are twice as lowly as that, Barusu.”


[User] “I could do without the special treatment, Ram. But do you really not have any thoughts on the matter?” He frowned judgmentally at the maid, who worshipped the ground Roswaal walked on, and continued.

[Assistant] “Rem works too hard… Or rather, all the staff in this mansion relies on Rem too much. It’s just too cruel.”

[User] “Oh, I don’t think so.” Ram said, shaking her head adamantly.

[Assistant] Subaru sighed. "Okay, then…who made this breakfast?”

[User] “Rem did.”

[Assistant] “Who woke up first this morning to do the basic cleaning and air out the place?”

[User] “Rem did.”

[Assistant] “And who wakes you up, helps you get dressed, and brushes your teeth?”

[User] “Rem does.”

[Assistant] “How have you gotten this far in the conversation without feeling ashamed?! What are you, royalty? !”

[User] “Oh, I am not that exalted.”

[Assistant] “That wasn’t a compliment!” Subaru emitted a tired sigh at Ram’s smug insolence and pressed a hand to his forehead.

[User] “May I say something?” She was a beautiful girl with silky silver hair and a voice like bells. Long lashes quivered above her amethyst eyes as she gazed at Subaru

[Assistant] “Okay, it’s very clear that Rem works really hard…but don’t the rest of you work hard, too, Subaru? Why do you want to give just Rem some time off?” She looked over at Subaru and Rem.

[User] “Emilia-tan, I appreciate your concern, but real talk, this is a matter of workload and difficulty level. I was just thinking, in that regard, Rem works much harder than Ram and me.”

[Assistant] “You surprise me, Barusu. A useless half-wit like you, I can understand, but I accomplish every task I’m given efficiently. Don’t lump me in with you.”

[User] “How can you say that when you only do the same workload as a half-wit like me?! For that matter, what were things like before I got here? Did you sisters used to split up the work I do now?”

[Assistant] “Now that’s a stupid question, Barusu. Rem did it.”

[User] “Um, maybe you’re just oblivious, but nothing about what you just said is good, okay?” Setting aside Ram, who was being impossible, Subaru turned to face the person who should be most involved in these negotiations—Roswaal.

[Assistant] “If you’ll let me backtrack a little,” Subaru said, “I’ve got more examples of Rem’s reverse-special treatment. Take that demon beast scare we just had. You know, that crisis we averted without casualties no thanks to you, Rozchi?”

[User] Subaru was referring to the crisis that had transpired not long ago. There was an attack at Earlham Village by some urugarum, demon beasts that lived in the forest. They had miraculously managed to get by with no deaths and only a few injuries.


[User] Secretly, however, Subaru had actually tasted the anguish of death several times, but that could be conveniently omitted.

[Assistant] “I did promise a reward for solving that crisis. Now, given the contents of the reward you requested, Subaru, I suppose it doesn’t feel real to you juuuust yet.”

[User] “Yeah, and, um…well, I do appreciate that.” He shot a sideways glance at Emilia before murmuring his thanks to Roswaal.

[Assistant] Emilia gave him a curious look: she didn’t know what Subaru’s reward was.

[User] He didn’t want her to know about all the arrangements he’d made for their date. He thought it was important that it seemed like he had prepared the flower field and the garland of flowers all by himself. "Forget about my reward. It’s just…if you gave me a reward for resolving that crisis, don’t you owe Rem and Ram a reward, too?”

[Assistant] “Are you saying I should give the same special treatment to my staff that I would give to a guest like you? That is a rather luuuudicrous request, if you ask me.”

[User] “Okay, my guest status aside, is there any reason not to reward them? Besides, this is a great opportunity to be generous and get a likability boost from your servants. Max out their loyalty stats! Doesn’t that sound appealing to you, Master?” As Subaru leaned in for the kill, Roswaal smiled and muttered, “Loyalty, eh?”

[Assistant] with a sideways glance at Ram.

[User] Seeing the latter bow in reply to his glance

[Assistant] Subaru remembered one of his servants already had her loyalty stats maxed out and realized his playful speech had failed epically. “You thwart me every which way I go, Ram.”

[User] “Don’t even try to shake my or Rem’s loyalty to Master Roswaal, Barusu. Besides, from that declaration you just made, it would be perfectly acceptable to restrain you on suspicion of being a spy sent here to sow internal discord.”

[Assistant] “Wow, show a little mercy for your fellow survivor of that shitshow!” Even though they had managed to achieve some impressive levels of cooperation, it hadn’t influenced his likability with Ram in the slightest. If anything, she was downright adversarial. Subaru was at a loss for what to say. However…

[User] “But you knoooow, I don’t particularly see any reason to write off Subaru’s opinion, either.”

[Assistant] “Master Roswaal…”

[User] “Don’t look so disappointed, Ram. I am noooot conceding the point. I’m simply saying Subaru’s point has merit. That crisis in the village was practically an oversight on my part. If I don’t offer even a little reward to those who so deftly resolved the crisis, people will start calling me an ungracious nobleman.”

[Assistant] “May I have your favorite quill as a reward, Master Roswaal?” Ram asked promptly.

[User] “Somebody sure changed her tune on a dime!” Subaru groaned.

[Assistant] Roswaal obligingly handed Ram the quill in his breast pocket.

[User] Ram took it reverently, hugged it softly to her chest, and stepped back. Nevertheless, Subaru had neutralized one of his final obstacles.


[User] He had gotten Roswaal’s approval, and Ram had backed off. The rest would be easy. All he had to do now was convince the person in question—Rem.

[Assistant] "Subaru?" Rem, who had spent the entire conversation letting Subaru pat her head, blinked and looked at him.

[User] "Seems like I won the right to a reward for us workers. All right, tell me any wish you’ve got. As long as it isn’t something that’s beyond Rozchi’s wealth or power, he’ll make it happen somehow!"

[Assistant] "I’d appreciate it if you didn’t get her hopes toooo high." Subaru saw a clown cackle out of the corner of his eye, but he forced that from his mind.

[User] He focused instead on Rem, whose cheeks were noticeably pink as she smiled softly at him.

[Assistant] "Thank you so much, Subaru. But I am content just working here in this fine house with my sister and you. I need nothing more."

[User] "But that makes this entire conversation pointless!" Technically, Ram was coming out ahead with her new quill. Kindness and unselfishness were virtues, but the inability to express a desire when prompted had to be a vice. A vice of the people who’d made her that way, and of the girl who didn’t recognize her own desolation.

[Assistant] "Okay, how about we do the first thing Subaru suggested?" Clapping her hands, Emilia ended the conversation gridlock with an idea.

[User] "Hearing what you all were saying just now made me reflect a bit on my actions. I was relying on Rem’s help a little too much. And if I feel this way, then it’s only natural that as her colleagues, Ram and Subaru would feel the same." Emilia looked to Subaru for support, and he eagerly nodded yes.

[Assistant] "That’s why I’m in favor of giving Rem a reward," Emilia continued. "But Rem says she doesn’t want a reward…and I can’t help but think that isn’t right."

[User] "Okay, but what are we going to do about it?" Subaru asked.

[Assistant] "I think it pains Roswaal very much to not give Rem a reward when she deserves one. Now, it’s not Rem’s intention to hurt his feelings—she’s a kind person—but it’s important for a master to reward good work…," Emilia said profoundly. She then stuck her tongue out, smiled sheepishly, and added, "I read that in a book once."

[User] When Rem gave her a slightly startled stare in response, Emilia continued, "Don’t tell us you don’t want anything. Please think of something. You do so much for us. We just want to return the favor. I know it might be difficult for you, but please try."

[Assistant] "Lady Emilia…" Rem’s eyes had been opened, figuratively and otherwise. And Subaru, who hadn’t stated his case with that much logical precision, was enamored by Emilia’s speech.

[User] "Okay, so let’s say we go with Barusu’s original suggestion. How do we proceed, exactly?" Stashing her quill in her pocket, Ram regained her composure and posed the question to the group.


[User] "Oh, that’s easy. Asking Rem to think about what she wants will be difficult for her. Since she’s always so busy with work, she has little time to stop and mull it over. That’s why I propose we give her a day off to rest and figure out what she wants for her reward."

[Assistant] "Ohhh. Good idea." Pleased to hear she had put more thought into it than he had, Subaru eagerly seconded Emilia’s motion.

[User] From their nodding, Ram and Roswaal also seemed on board. There were no signs of dissent. All that remained was to get Rem’s opinion.

[Assistant] "Lady Emilia…I truly appreciate your consideration. I am ashamed at how thoughtless I’ve been. However, giving me a reward and a day off seems excessive. All I’ve done is caused you worry day in and day out. Besides, this house needs me…" Rem looked down, murmuring disclaimer after disclaimer. But Subaru caught a glimpse of the confident, unyielding stubbornness in her voice. She would not be convinced.

[User] "Rem."

[Assistant] "Yes? Um, Subaru, I don’t—"

[User] "Take a day off."

[Assistant] "All right, Subaru, if you insist!" That settled it.


[User] Since they were still at breakfast, Rem’s day off could not commence then and there. Subaru suggested she have the entirety of the next day off, but Rem refused, saying that was far too much. "And so we’re going to divvy up the chores for today. For one thing, Rem won’t have a very restful day off if we mess up her work, and for another, by experiencing firsthand the tasks Rem does on the daily, we should gain newfound appreciation and gratitude for her from here on. This is a very meaningful little project." After forcing Rem to retire to her personal quarters, Subaru took the reins and marched to the front of the room to go over his plan.

[Assistant] "Subaru, may I ask a question?"

[User] "Of course, Emilia-tan. And I love the modest way you raised your hand. What is it?"

[Assistant] "So I am really on board with giving Rem a day off and everything else you suggested just now…but you might need to do a little more explaining to convince everyone besides me." Emilia touched a finger to her lip and glanced sideways. Assembled here was the entire staff of Roswaal Manor except Rem. In other words, aside from servants Subaru and Ram, there were also the masters of the house. One of them in particular had a very sour look on her face.

[User] "Look, you’ll have to stop scowling eventually. You didn’t want to participate in the conversation, so you’re not allowed to be a wet blanket now."

[Assistant] "I wonder…why did you assume that I would cooperate in the first place? I find that to be the much bigger mystery here," said a tiny figure sitting in a chair and staring at Subaru.


[User] Her cream-colored rolls of hair and her fancy dress were dead giveaways that she was Beatrice. While she’d been present at the breakfast table, she made a habit of never getting involved with household matters. Subaru knew she wouldn’t be cooperative on this matter, which was exactly why he had decided to bring it up at breakfast, when she couldn’t ignore it. And just as anticipated, Beatrice was trying to deny any responsibility.

[Assistant] “Come on, you know Rem does a lot for you on the daily. Just who do you think changed your sheets and panties when you wet the bed?”

[User] “And exactly what gives you the right to say that, I wonder?! When did I ever make such an unladylike mistake?! You should keep your delusional ramblings in check!”

[Assistant] “Funny how you deny it so hard. So you really did—”

[User] “Take that look off your face! Of course I didn’t wet the bed!”

[Assistant] He had only meant to tease her a little, but when his jab immediately resulted in a tantrum, he couldn’t contain his curiosity. Subaru set Beatrice aside for the moment and looked at his other primary concern in the room.

[User] “Barusu, if you have a justification for this wild proposal, then you had better share it now.” Only Ram could have such fiery eyes while the rest of her face stayed cold as ice. In a way, she was the person whose cooperation Subaru needed the most to carry out his plan. And the reason for her sour mood could only be one thing.

[Assistant] “No justification. It’s exactly as I explained before. Giving Rem a day off will put a hole in our work schedule. Everyone needs to work together to help fill that hole.”

[User] “Then I wish you would at least not rope Master Roswaal into it. Master Roswaal already works harder than Rem on daily basis.”

[Assistant] “Is what your secretary said true?” Subaru looked past the smooth-talking maid to Roswaal, who was rocking in his chair next to her.

[User] The marquis closed one eye and used the yellow one to gaze at Subaru before saying, “Yes, I suppoooose I do. For a man of many responsibilities, busying myself over small household tasks wouldn’t exactly be worthy of praise. Ram is correct. I may not look it, but I am a very busy person.”

[Assistant] “Hmm, I see.”

[User] “However, experiencing the harsh working conditions of one’s staff is not at all a bad thing. To determine whether the workload justifies the pay, you see.”

[Assistant] “Master Roswaal, do you mean…?”

[User] Unlike stubborn Ram, the liberal-minded Roswaal seemed rather gung ho about this arrangement. Though in his case, it was most likely because he thought it sounded entertaining. “There, you gotta respect your master’s wishes, Ram. ‘A servant is far too lowly to complain to his master,’ remember?”

[Assistant] “Stupid Barusu. Don’t get cocky just because things went your way one time.” As Ram bitterly withdrew her objection, there was an abnormal gleam in her eyes.


[User] Subaru smiled sheepishly at her dagger eyes and nodded to acknowledge her opinion. “Okay, let’s get back to the topic at hand. First, we need to divvy up the big tasks: meals, laundry, and cleaning…”

[Assistant] “Did you not hear a word I said?! I suppose you didn’t hear me say I would not cooperate? !”

[User] “Agh, god, you guys are so annoying,” Subaru grumbled at the whining Beatrice. “Emilia-tan, a little help?”

[Assistant] “Um, what was the line again? Can’t your eyes see this seal…?” After reciting part of the famous line from the historical drama Mito Komon, Emilia extended her hand.

[User] The gray ball of fur sitting atop it sensed that it was his turn to speak and twitched his pink nose. “Betty.”

[Assistant] “Er… Hi, Puckie. You look so cute today…”

[User] “Thanks. So it’s like this, Betty. I get where you’re coming from, but I also get where Subaru’s coming from. Besides, I kinda think one of our duties as spirits is to sometimes be generous to people.” Puck’s serene phrasing made Beatrice’s blue eyes waver a little.

[Assistant] “Y-your words are wise, I suppose. B-but I—”

[User] “Betty…please?”

[Assistant] “Well, if you insist, Puckie, then I suppose I can’t say no!”

[User] “Man, you are too easy,” Subaru said in disbelief.

[Assistant] “Okay, how should we tackle her workload?”

[User] “Like we were saying, with Puck included, there’s six of us. If we split into three groups of two, we should be able to handle most of her work no problem. Let’s see, our pairs will be…”

[Assistant] He nodded, knowing what it was they both wanted to say. “Ram with Rozchi. Beako with Puck. Me with Emilia-tan. How does that sound?”

[User] “Well, I’m fine with it, but…are you sure Puck and Beatrice will be okay together?”

[Assistant] “Aww, you’re such a worrywart, Lia. Don’t worry about me. I’ll use every advantage my tiny stature has to offer and rescue all the fallen coins from under the furniture.”

[User] “That’s such a specific role.” Subaru didn’t know why Puck was so gung ho about looking for loose change, but he wasn’t about to start nitpicking. Better that Puck stuck to the furniture and stayed out of the kitchen. He didn’t want fur in his food.

[Assistant] “Beako, would you rather tackle dusting or laundry?”

[User] “If those are my two options, then my magic will be better suited to laundry, I suppose.”

[Assistant] “Good call.


[User] "Better wash all those soiled panties you hid around your room while you’re at it.”

[Assistant] “For the last time, I didn’t wet the bed!”

[User] After offering a few consoling words, it was decided that Puck and Beatrice would be on laundry duty. All that remained were meals and dusting.

[Assistant] “Master Roswaal and I will handle the cooking."

[User] “That’s fine with me, but why?”

[Assistant] “If we work in the kitchen, then I needn’t worry about bothering or troubling Master Roswaal with my ineptitude. Worst-case scenario, if you were served vegetable scraps for dinner, you’d eat it, wouldn’t you, Barusu?”

[User] “I was born in the Year of the Rabbit, but I’m not a vegetarian.”

[Assistant] Ram laughed it off with a snort. Still, with Rem out of the lineup, the next most reliable person in the mansion for housework was undeniably Ram—especially when it came to cooking, where success or failure lay heavily in the food’s flavor. Putting Ram in charge of food was not a terribly unwise decision. If nothing else, Ram had her secret weapon: steamed sweet potatoes. And while Roswaal’s culinary abilities were concerning, Subaru was certain that there would be something edible on the table.

[User] “Okay, so by process of elimination, that means Emilia-tan and I are handling the dusting. It will be a long, hard battle, but will you all have faith and follow me?”

[Assistant] “Understood. I’ll try really hard to make sure I don’t step on your toes, Subaru.” Emilia pumped her fist to show him she was ready.

[User] “God, stop being so sweet and adorable.” Subaru nodded, satisfied with his partner’s reassuring demeanor. “Okay, now that we know what we’re doing, let’s split up and get to it. Puck and Beako, follow me, and I’ll take you to where we keep all the dirty laundry. And…” Before he dismissed everyone, Subaru turned to look toward the entrance to the dining hall. From a thin crack in the door, he saw a girl with blue hair cautiously peering in at them. “…Rem, this might be hard for you, but your assignment is a hardcore day of lying around and doing nothing.”

[Assistant] “Yes, I understand that, but I’m just…well, worried.”

[User] “That’s the workaholic in you talking, Rem. Today is your day—Rem Day. Take it from a professional slob like me: If you wanna do nothing all day, I highly recommend spending the day in bed.”

[Assistant] “But why? Isn’t that a waste of time?”

[User] “Exactly! You’re supposed to waste time on your day off!” Subaru answered, feeling like somebody just stabbed a knife in his chest. Meanwhile, Rem was still hovering by the dining-hall door and didn’t seem like she was ready to leave anytime soon. “Okay, first off, don’t wear a maid’s uniform on your day off. If you’re gonna laze about, you’ve gotta dress the part. I command you to put on some sweats and dive right into bed!”

[Assistant] “Um, but maid uniforms are the only clothes I have…”

[User] “Ack!


[User] "That’s right, you mentioned that before! I can’t believe you were being totally serious! You’re a teenage girl! That’s just beyond tragic.” Subaru realized that he had indeed never seen Ram nor Rem wear anything but maid uniforms. They apparently slept in nightgowns, but those were things you only wore behind closed doors.

[Assistant] “Well, that’s no good. You’ll have to get yourself some proper clothes eventually. For today, try to pick your most comfortable maid uniform.”

[User] “Understood. I’ll change into my day-off maid’s uniform.”

[Assistant] “You have a uniform for days off? !” They seemed to have a maid uniform for every occasion—fighting, working, outings—but there was no logical reason why they had to be restricted to maid uniforms.

[User] Subaru narrates that the moment Rem walked out of the room with painful reluctance, Rem Day commenced.

[Assistant] “Okay! Teams, report to your stations and carry out your tasks with all the spirit you can muster! If we make Rem think the house will fall apart the moment she stops working, everything will have been for nothing!”

[User] “Aye, captain!” Emilia cried energetically, raising a fist.

[Assistant] Subaru narrates that the others answered in their own way after an awkward delay, making for a rocky start to the day.


[User] Rem narrates that now that she finally had a day off, she spent it in a state of unease greater than anything she had felt before.

[Assistant] “Oh, Sister… Subaru… Will they really be all right without my help?” Back in her room, Rem changed into her day-off uniform as per Subaru’s orders and proceeded to wander aimlessly in circles. She simply couldn’t sit still. To Rem, work was basically her whole purpose in life. And while she felt fatigue just like anybody else, the fact remained that this unexpected day off did anything but soothe her soul.

[User] “I think I’ll go check up on them after all.” Though Rem appeared calm and steady on the surface, it was actually quite a feat of endurance for her to stay in her room this long. This whole time, a sense of foreboding had been building in her ample chest.

[Assistant] Rem narrates that she soon emerged from her room, made sure the coast was clear, then started wandering around the mansion.

[User] “If I recall correctly, Sister and Master Roswaal are on kitchen duty, so I know where they’ll be…” First, she decided to check on her other half, the one she trusted most to get things done—Ram. Though she had a tendency to be lazy, Ram was actually more detail-oriented and responsible than Rem when it came to work. At least, that’s what Rem thought. And she hadn’t questioned Ram’s judgment when she chose to take on the cooking. She insisted to herself that she still wasn’t questioning Ram’s judgment… She was merely a hundred times more worried about her sister than usual.

[Assistant] Rem narrates that taking care not to make any sound, she walked across the carpet that lined the corridor on the ground floor of the manor’s main wing.